One Moment (2021) Movie Script

- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, Professor Minogue!
You need to fix my watch.
Three jewelers said
the same thing.
It's time for a new watch.
I'm bringing it to Gustave's.
Do not drive that car.
We have a deal.
Right, Dad?
A lousy deal!
Did you bring it to Gustave?
He retired 10 years ago.
Well, track him down!
He died four years ago.
Jeez! Good-bye.
Professor, guess what?
We already have 322 students
signed up for
the voter registration drive.
And it's only the second week.
That's fantastic.
I'd hate to be a pest,
but did you get a chance to
write my recommendation letter?
I'm sorry.
This weekend, I promise.
No problem.
Have a great weekend!
Bye, Professor!
Bye, ladies.
Just give me one moment.
Come in.
Your dad called three times.
His watch?
"Black stool"?
He's not talking
about furniture.
I'm so sorry.
No problem.
My mom has that.
Too much prune juice.
Headphones, please.
Ryan, your writing lacks...
"Martin Luther King Jr.
Was consummated in Georgia
and was related
to a plethora of kin."
What does that mean?
You got me.
Are you trying to say
that Martin Luther King
was born in Georgia
to a big family?
You probably need to lay off
the thesaurus.
But you said it's plagiarism
if I don't change
the Wikipedia words.
No, that's not...
That's not what I said.
You know what?
Ryan, we're only two weeks
into the semester.
I think with just a little bit
of effort,
you'll do okay.
Nothing personal, but, like,
your class is so boring.
All you talk about is history.
It's a history class.
Yeah, that's cool.
See you next week.
I'm calling the doctor.
My stool...
You know what? I will call him,
but I am at work.
I'll be right with you.
Well, tell him it...
Oh, here.
That is a beautiful thing.
Hey, how's my favorite
professor doing today?
You know what? Save that.
Where's your essay?
Family issues.
It's my...
Last semester, you said
that your grandparents died.
All five of them.
That was tragic.
Actually, it was
my grandmother's sister.
She's critically ill.
You have until Monday.
That's it.
You are way too nice.
That excuse alone deserves an F.
One promotion application,
ready for submission.
Don't tell me
you're not applying.
Must be nice not
to need the money.
I know it's none of
my business, but...
I'll never get it.
I haven't published,
I haven't presented.
I don't need that rejection
adding to my sense of failure.
Well, do you think they'll have
food at the department meeting?
We have a meeting?
Caroline Minogue speaking.
Dad, I have a meeting.
I'm leaving right now.
I'll tell the chair that
your grandmother's cat
is critically ill.
Good idea.
Hey, baby girl.
Dad can't pick me up.
He has a date.
C-Call Aunt Fran.
I'm bringing Grandpa
to the doctor.
Ellie, did you hear me?
Yes, I heard you.
I love... you.
We are not
able to come to the phone,
so please leave a message.
I'm just a few blocks away,
so make sure you use
the bathroom, okay?
Please, God, no.
What are you doing
in the middle of the street?
What are you doing?
I have a doctor's appointment.
Turn around and meet me
at the house.
Don't be so upset.
My watch!
Dad, go home!
Go home!
Go home, Dad!
Please, just go home!
Go home!
I'll meet you at home!
No, you go first.
I'll help you, Dad.
What is that?
Okay, come on.
All right, just wait...
Wait here while I park, okay?
D-Don't... Don't move.
Don't move.
Can I help you?
I'm looking for
Joseph McGuinness.
He should be here
in a few minutes.
You're welcome to wait for him.
Okay, thanks.
Nice meeting you, Joe!
Oh, same here, Marie!
Come on, we're late.
Is that a prescription
he gave you?
No, it was a referral
for a colonoscopy.
Do you want to walk, or you
want me to go get the car?
I'm a little tired.
Oh, damn it!
I left my glasses in the office.
Okay, okay.
I'll get them.
I'll get them.
Just... Just stand over here.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
I'm right here.
Don't move.
Yeah, I won't move.
I'm waiting here.
You got into a stranger's car?
It looked just like yours.
And it was no stranger.
It's Marie.
Who's Marie?
From the ladies' room!
You don't know her.
That's dangerous!
Oh, tell me about it.
You're a terrible driver, Marie!
Come on, let's go.
We got to get home.
- I got to make dinner!
- Okay.
- Where are we going?
- Home!
- Oh. Yeah, but where?
- In this car. This is my car.
I see.
Hi, Franny.
How's my girl? Hi, Ellie.
- Hungry! Hi, Dad.
- Hey, Grandpa.
Thanks for picking Ellie up.
- What's for dinner?
- Ugh! I never got to the store.
Well, that's good,
'cause your cooking stinks,
and it's '70s
karaoke at the Blue Goose!
What do you say, Dad?
Do you want to do a little
Tony Orlando and Dawn?
Except you be Dawn
'cause I want to be Tony.
I love their wings,
but please no singing.
How did it go?
One of us has to take
Dad for a colonoscopy.
I remember when our together
time was
the Girl Scout
Father-Daughter Dance.
Oh. I have to get
to the store.
Maddie and David are coming,
and then Rick is coming
for a few days.
With Mrs. Einstein?
It'll be
a "plethora of kin."
That means I have
to sleep with you.
I bet you get that a lot.
My burger was overcooked.
You say that every time.
Quit ordering it well done.
Phones don't belong
at the table, young lady.
We got to quit eating out.
Ugh. All my pants are
getting really tight.
Marie Osmond, uh,
lost 50 pounds with...
Oh, here we go.
Please don't tell me you ordered
more of that food.
She also improved her health,
and she has more energy,
and she makes
great frozen waffles.
Marie Osmond doesn't make
the frozen waffles, Grandpa.
her TV show song was...
I'm a little bit
of country
And a whole lot
of frozen waffle
She has a TV show?
I'll get Ellie to download
it for you.
I'll get right on that.
How was your game today, Ellie?
Grandpa asked you a question.
It was just a scrimmage.
It's not like I played
or anything.
It's time to get on
our 1970s groove.
I am feeling a little duet-ish.
And I am feeling
a little nauseous.
What do you say, Dad?
You want to do a little duet?
A little "Don't Go
Breaking My Heart"?
Why not?
How about, "Why?" Why?
You'll need your glasses.
Thank God.
Thank you, Caroline.
Don't go
breaking my heart
You had the power to stop this.
I don't want to do it.
Well, I don't want...
Okay, so these are the lyrics,
and then, this is your part,
and this is mine.
Nah, I-I don't want
to sing this crap.
Uh, I'll sing...
I'll sing a real song,
and I don't need his music.
That's not how karaoke works.
Well, you wouldn't need
this Kabuki gimmick
if you didn't cook the daylights
out of your burgers!
What's that thing
in the newspaper called,
like, when Grandma died?
I'm writing mine.
Franny, you can sit down.
Give me the name of the song,
and I'll pull up the music.
Would you tell this joker
I don't need his music?
He doesn't need your music.
Is it at least a '70s song?
Oh, it's a '70s song, yeah.
Yeah. 1870s.
What's he doing?
"Stairway to Heaven."
Good evening.
Uh, my name
is Joseph McGuinness.
A few months ago,
I lost my wife to Alzheimer's.
It's a dreadful
and terrible disease.
He really knows
how to work a crowd.
More than 60 years ago,
I sang this song
to her at our wedding.
Oh, God.
Not the potato song.
For those who don't know,
"pratie" is Irish for potato.
You mean not everyone
knows that?
And it's also a song
that my... my father,
an immigrant from Ireland,
sang to my mother,
an immigrant from Italy,
at their wedding in 1925.
Have you ever been in love,
me boy?
Or have you felt the pain?
I'd sooner be in jail
Than be in love again
The girl I love
was beautiful
I'd have you all to know
And I met her in the garden
Where the praties grow
She was the kind
of creature, boys
That nature did intend
To walk right through
the world, me boys
Without the Grecian bend
Nor did she wear
the chignon
I'll have you all to know
And I met her in the garden
Where the praties grow
Says I, "Me pretty Kathleen "
I hope that you'll agree"
Why does he do that accent? But
she wasn't like the city girls
He's from Brooklyn. Who'd
say you're making free
Says she, "I'll ask me parents
and tomorrow let you know"
A-And what's with the whole
Ireland thing?
He's only half Irish. If
you'll meet me in the garden
Where the praties grow It's
a connection to his father.
She was the kind
of creature, boys
That nature did intend
To walk right through
the world, me boys
Without the Grecian bend
Nor will she be
in a chignon
I'll have you all to know
And I met her in the garden
Where the praties grow
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now, here's a... here's a song,
uh, about a mother
who's bidding her son farewell,
uh, as he goes off to war,
and she'll likely
never see him again,
but she hopes, one day,
he'll return to Ireland
and visit her grave.
This screams,
"Conga line."
O Danny boy
The pipes,
the pipes are calling
From glen to glen
And down the mountainside
The summer's gone
And all the roses falling
It's you, it's you must go
And I must bide
But come ye back
When summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed
And white with snow
Yes, I'll be here
In sunshine or in shadow
O Danny boy
O Danny boy
I love you so
But when ye come
And all the flowers
are dying
If I am dead
As dead I well may be
Then you'll come
And find the place
I'm lying
And kneel and say
An "Ave" there for me
And I will hear
Though soft
you tread above me
And all my grave
Will warmer, sweeter be
For you will bend
and tell me
That you love me
And I will sleep
In peace
Until you come
To me
Thank you.
Herb Rose.
You're terrific.
Thank you.
Joe McGuinness.
Our senior club's having
a talent show next week,
and if you're interested,
I can get you a spot
on the program.
I'm the president.
You'd be a big hit.
We call ourselves
The Over Sixty Club,
but we're thinking
of changing our name.
Youngest member just turned 72.
You should join.
It's a great group.
Well, I-I don't think so, Herb.
My daughters,
they keep me pretty busy.
They do?
Uh, I'll tell you what.
I would... I would like to sing
at your talent show.
Thank you.
Thank you, Herb.
Good night.
You need an emcee?
I left my glasses
at the restaurant.
- I'll get them tomorrow.
- All right.
Maybe the senior club
is a good idea.
I don't want to sit with
a bunch of geezers,
but I'll do the show.
Can't let my talent go to waste.
And where do you think
you're going?
For a run.
Are you crazy?
It's gonna be dark soon.
I forbid it.
Call a cop, tough guy.
You live in my house,
you live by my rules.
Nice concept, Dad,
but this is my house.
Ellie's upstairs
if you need anything.
When can I get my permit?
One promotion application
ready for submission.
Caroline, you need
to fix my watch!
Everybody has theirs.
Girl: Did you get a chance to
write my recommendation letter?
I have a doctor's appointment.
What's wrong?
There you are.
I-I told you I was going
for a run.
Well, I was worried.
Come on, I got to call 'em back
and let 'em know
that you're safe and sound.
Call... Call who?
The police.
Oh, my God.
Come on, Caroline.
Get a move on.
We're having company.
I have a lot to do.
Rick and Theresa are here.
They said four o'clock.
- Hi, Dad!
- Hey, Dad.
Have you been to Mass yet?
No, we just got here.
Eh! Wrong answer.
- Come on, we're going to Mass.
- Oh, my God.
Come on.
We're not getting
in the car again.
Ah, we're getting
in the car again.
Oh, my God.
Full house in here!
Just like the old days,
and we've even got room
for Ellie back there.
- What's wrong?
- I have to pee.
Hey, Ellie, how you doin'?!
I'm doin' great!
Oh, good.
It's nice and roomy,
not like those foreign
dinky models, right, Daddy?
Oh, exactly.
A Mercury Marquis,
it's Colony Park Edition,
and it's got all the bells
and whistles.
How many cylinders
does it have, Daddy?
Eight cylinders.
And I love the cassette player.
Ooh, the... Ask him to
play his music and you die.
Quit it!
Pa-Patrick hit me, Daddy.
stop hittin' your sister!
Don't make me
pull this car over.
Drive, please, Caroline.
You got it.
Don't be nervous.
You're safe if the alarm is on.
Aren't they, like, 21?
I left enough food
for the whole week.
I hope they don't eat
each other.
Donner, party of two.
And don't stay up all night
playing Dungeons and Dragons.
I love you, too.
That looks interesting.
Marie Osmond.
Body in a gym bag.
Just nine minutes a day.
I lose weight, tone,
strengthen all my muscles,
and, uh, it's portable.
I don't think that was
nine minutes.
I wouldn't know.
My daughter won't get
my watch fixed.
You're a riot, Dad.
Forget about knowing
the time around here!
That's, uh...
That's a gift from Fran.
A clock with no hands.
It's an artistic statement.
In my day,
we called it "broken."
My damn glasses.
Oh. Oh.
I almost forgot.
Since you sometimes
misplace your glasses...
What the hell am I gonna do
with all these?
I-I-I... I don't need it.
Take it back.
You could... You could
leave one in the car,
and you could leave one
in every room of the house.
It's a good idea, Dad,
and you're being rude.
Thank you.
I'm gonna go see
what Rick's up to.
That's the craziest thing
I've ever seen.
Four, maybe five, even, but six?
I mean, come on.
How many eyes does
she think I have?
And red frames, no less.
Dad, we're gonna eat early
because David and Maddie
have to get back to the city.
Okay, okay.
Regina keeps harassing me
to FaceTime with Dad. Okay.
Hey, Reggie, it's Fran.
I commandeered the tablet.
Hey, Franny!
Hey, Reggie.
Carrie, how are you
and the girls?
We're all good.
I have so much glorious news!
But Franny...
How are you?
How's Tricia?
Hey, shh.
Did you guys break up again?
Not now.
Franny, your relationship
with Daddy
can soar to the clouds.
You just need some honesty.
Open your heart.
Let him see the real you.
And with six pairs of glasses,
this may actually happen.
Hey, Reg, whatever you're
smokin' out there, don't...
Don't put it
in your, uh, carry-on
when you come home, okay?
Okay, well actually, I just
wanted to FaceTime with Daddy.
I haven't seen him in so long.
You know what?
I think that's a glorious idea.
Hang on.
Hey, Dad.
It's Regina.
Regina's in California.
Yeah, she's on the screen.
Say hello.
I'm calling you from
my brand-new
yoga and exercise studio.
We just moved in today.
We are so crazy
unpacking everything!
What do you think?
Say, "It's glorious."
It's glorious.
Daddy, I think about you
all the time.
How are you doing?
Say, "Fine."
I know that you are trying
to be strong,
but your soul must be hurting.
Say, "I go to
the chiropractor."
I go to the chiropra...
What... What the hell
is going on here?
Dad, I want to tell you,
I've changed my name.
Ever since I embraced
my inner spirit,
Regina just felt
too heavy for me.
My new name is Chloe.
What do ya think?
"It rhymes with snowy."
It rhymes with snowy.
I miss Mommy so much,
and I'm worried about you.
Are you keeping busy?
"I have ladies come in."
Ladies come in.
Say, "I pay 'em."
I pay them.
Um, anyway, I was thinking...
Oh, I...
The air conditioning
just cut out.
Get that freakin'
maintenance guy back here!
I am not paying this ridiculous
rent to sweat my ass off!
You can take the girl
out of Long Island...
Have you ever considered
What time is it?
Uh, uh, three o'clock.
Shut the thing off.
"Murder, She Says" is coming on.
All right, Cleopatra.
Our battery's dying,
so we got to say good-bye.
We'll call you tomorrow.
Aw, okay.
Give my love to everyone.
We love you!
Okay, bye!
- Bye!
- Bye!
You know...
You know th-th-that woman,
that woman on the screen,
she looks a bit like,
uh, Regina.
Is that Maddie?
- Maddie...
- Maddie! Hey, baby girl!
Hello. How are you?
Maddie, baby,
come see your grandfather!
- Hi!
- Ah...
- How are ya, kid?
- I'm good. I'm good.
- All right.
- You remember David, right?
Hey, how are ya, sir?
I don't, uh,
I don't think we've met.
Joseph McGuinness.
David Savarese.
You remember me.
I-I'm like you, half Italian,
half Irish...
but I just look Italian.
Take your hat off, Mr. Savarese,
and stay a while.
It's kind of part of my look.
Don't ya think?
I don't expect to see it
at the dinner table.
Uh, no.
No, sir.
So, David...
Wait for it.
Are you a Catholic?
Yes, sir. I am.
What parish are you from?
Um, Our Lady of, uh...
Perpetual Help.
Uh, Our... Our Lady
of Perpetual Health.
What's the matter?
Perpetual Help.
Our Lady of Perpetual Help.
That's it.
I'll get a vase for these.
Thank you.
Yeah, let me "health" you.
How are you, kid?
He's got something to give.
He has a new way to, uh...
To approach Catholicism,
different than what I am.
He's introduced me to things
that I-I didn't know exist,
so it makes me feel as if he's
changing what the church is.
Caroline: Fran and I
made it together.
Yes, I know.
I know. I know.
- How's it feel?
- That's her trick.
That one.
That one.
- Thank you, my love.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
And I put it in the cherry pie,
but Caroline made this one.
- Cherry pie?
- Not in the filling.
- But, you know...
- Pie.
- So...
- How old are you, David?
Uh, 27, sir.
When did you start, uh,
going bald?
Oh, Dad...
There it is.
Um, pretty young.
You can't ask questions
like that, Dad.
It's like asking a woman
how much she weighs.
Look, I'll stop asking
if you'll just tell me.
Uh, I was the only kid
in the eighth grade
to have a receding hairline.
Cousin Roy lost his hair
in high school.
That's right.
- Who's Cousin Roy?
- Roy, he liked being bald.
Yeah, he also liked
wearing spandex bike shorts,
so maybe let's cut
the Cousin Roy connection.
I know that joker!
I remember him!
Oh, my God.
The cockamamie shorts!
I mean, he... he was a...
He was a real foul ball.
Okay, Daddy.
I'll get you some more water.
Dad, why don't you try
the wine we brought?
We got it at a vineyard
out east.
We found this fantastic B&B.
It was so relaxing.
I'm gonna give you guys
the brochure.
Oh. I'd prefer to have
some of, uh, Rick's wine.
One glass can't hurt.
So, how are your love lives?
Are you girls dating?
Yeah. Yeah, we were dating,
and then we broke up
when we remembered
that we were related.
Maddie, did you all hear that
I'm, uh, singing at
a talent show
next weekend?
That's great.
Can we go see it?
- Of course.
- Yeah.
Uh, are you, uh,
coming to see my big debut?
I have a... a work thing.
I'm sorry.
I'm taking the boys to a
"Lord of the Rings" convention.
- Oh.
- I can record it for you.
You guys should get him
a bow tie.
Yeah, we'll, uh, we'll turn
you into a big YouTube star!
You can do that?
Dad, do you know
what YouTube is?
- Not a clue.
- Okay.
But I know what "star" means.
So, Dad, now that you're
not driving anymore,
let's talk about your car.
Not now, Rick. It makes
no sense to keep it.
And the twins could use it.
They'll be getting
their driver's license soon.
- There you are.
- Yeah, so what do ya think, Dad?
I've never gotten a ticket,
I've never had an accident.
That's more than I can say
about all of you.
The subject is closed.
David and I have
an announcement.
You're switching parishes.
Ha, ha, ha.
David proposed.
And she accepted!
- Oh, my!
- Whoo! Yay!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can I be a bridesmaid?
Um, how about...
Maid of Honor?
Oh, my God! What?!
I have to go tell Erin.
Y-You know I had
many experiences in my life,
you know, but the one thing
I never did do...
Here we go.
Four daughters,
and I never walked
one of them down the aisle.
Now this one, uh, she ran off
and... What did you do?
I eloped.
She eloped, okay?
She eloped.
And, uh...
Regina, she... we don't know
what she did.
Regina, Regina, who knows
what she does, right?
And, Fran, maybe...
Maybe she'll be a nun.
Yeah, I'm gonna marry
the big guy.
Uh, uh, who's
the fourth daughter?
Uh, that's, uh,
my second daughter,
Margaret, yeah.
Uh, she was, uh...
she was... she was hit by a car,
uh, riding, uh, her... her...
I was wondering
if you would actually
walk me down the aisle.
W-Well, what about your father?
I'm not gonna invite him,
if that's okay with you, Ma.
As long as that's what you want.
I don't need the drama.
So, how about it?
I'd be honored.
I'll do the pictures.
Oh, a-and Fran...
Fran is a terrific photographer.
E-Everything that you see
on the walls here is Fran.
She's a real artist.
- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.
Very cool, Fran.
Thank you.
Just don't ask her
what time it is.
Have you guys set a date?
Um, we want to keep
this fast and simple.
Mm-hmm. That was your mother's
nickname in high school.
We just think it's stupid
to spend so much money
on just one day.
Wh-When you say "fast,"
how fast a-are you talking?
Six weeks.
Six weeks fast?
I-It would help us
a lot financially
to get Maddie on my insurance.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
I've got a very
important question.
What's for dessert?
Um, we're having pie.
- Yeah, okay.
- Caroline, let me help you.
It's not like how it was
for you, Ma.
We were gonna get
married anyway.
You're only 23.
I wanted you to live
a little more.
I'm a year older than you were
when you had me.
I want you to be happy
about this.
If you're happy, I'm happy.
I'm happy.
Really, really happy.
You'll make such a good grandma.
Man on TV: corporate elite...
Those damn Democrats!
Drug companies...
Dad, come out and join us
on the patio.
No, I'm, uh...
I'm gonna read in my room.
Oh, uh...
send Rick in.
I want to show him something.
I'm surprised the pool's
still open.
The calendar still says summer.
Dad wants to show you something.
Okay, found Dad's old projector,
but where are the home movies?
Either the garage
or the basement.
Good luck.
All right, well, this...
This, girls, is the good stuff.
Are you ready for this?
Does this look inflamed to you?
Rick: Jeez, Dad!
Oh, my God.
Does her hair still work?
You have two?
They were hand-me-downs
from Margaret and Regina.
Oh... Regina cut
this one's bangs.
She cut ours, too, the night
before school portraits.
That's right.
My God, we looked
like such a dorks.
She was exploring
career options.
It's the one time
I remember Mom yelling.
Baby Tender Love and Care!
"She looks and feels like
a real, live baby!"
- Have you seen that?
- The mailman has seen it.
He should have a doctor
see that.
Um, she's a bit exposed.
Yeah, you can blame
your husband for that.
He shot her panties into the
trees with an air gun blaster.
Good old days,
back when toys were real.
None of this virtual crap.
So, this is to thank you
for all that you do.
It's a gym membership.
We know you have
your hands full,
but it's important
to not to let yourself go.
Go where?
Thank you.
That's... That's very sweet.
Fran, I'm sorry.
We should've gotten one
for you, too.
Oh... pfft... I don't need it.
With the Marie Osmond Total Gym,
I can lose weight, strengthen
and tone my muscles.
It's portable, and best of all,
it makes waffles.
Oh, M-Miss America
Quick-Curl Barbie!
Ooh! Do you still have her
Quick-Curl brush?
I think Caroline ate it.
You dared me.
You should sell this stuff.
You can't put a price
on memories, Rick.
Sure you can.
It's called eBay.
You're a little old for dolls.
Oh, yeah?
My G.I. Joe!
Mom crocheted this dress for me.
What the hell
is with this outfit?
He looks like one of
the Village People.
Well, he couldn't wear
his fatigues to get married.
I did not give him permission
to go off base and marry Barbie.
Mom said he could, and, uh,
he didn't marry Barbie.
Where's his uniform?
My dad gave me my uncle's
dog tags
so I could be
like G.I. Joe.
I can't believe you used
to play with dolls.
He's an action figure.
Um, so, did Barbie
ever get married?
Sadly, no.
After years and years
of failed relationships,
Miss Havisham Barbie
and her sister,
they finally decided to open up
the Barbie Assisted
Living Nightmare Home.
Where the residents
would sneak out and drive
the Barbie Mobile
without permission.
Or depth perception.
That's where Dad belongs.
Barbie's Nightmare Home?
In assisted living.
It's too much to handle.
And he's gonna kill
somebody with that car.
You can't keep living in denial.
We're not in denial. Maybe
you're in denial of your denial.
We deny that.
He doesn't want it.
We can't afford it.
His money has to last as long
as he does,
and there's no crystal
ball for that.
- Dah-dah-dah
- Whoo! Very handsome!
- Wow!
- Dah-dah-dah
Lo... I have to look sharp
if I'm walking the bride
down the aisle.
Now what about this, uh,
for the talent show?
Could you picture me
signing autographs?
You're gonna need
a security detail.
Hey, Dad.
Why don't you come join us?
Oh, no.
"60 Minutes" is coming on.
At least I think it is.
What about a daytime
companion aid?
Oh, what a great idea.
We had five.
He fired the first
four immediately,
and the fifth one quit
after one day
because he wouldn't stop
asking her how much she weighed.
We work our schedules
as best we can.
Yeah, I-I mostly work
weekends now.
What, wedding
and bar mitzvah photos?
Isn't that a step down for you?
And you, how many years
have you been at the school
and you're not a full professor?
Shut up, Rick.
Well, how will either of you
ever retire?
This is... It's not what Mom
and Dad would've wanted.
We're talkin' about
your careers, your futures.
We're talkin' about our father.
You know, maybe if Ken spent
less time tanning,
he would've had more time
to help out with our parents.
And then our sister wouldn't be
Miss America Barbie.
She'd be PhD Barbie.
Don't start with
the guilt trip with me.
I did what I could.
And Regina wasn't around either.
Yeah, Regina helped out
with Mom more than you did.
Well, I'm sorry, but unlike you,
I have a full-time job
and a mortgage
and a family to support.
That's what adults do.
I'm goin' inside.
Give me my G.I. Joe.
Don't forget your sippy cup
either, huh, big boy?
I'm sorry.
He just wants what's best
for everyone.
I mean, it's your dad's life,
but it's your lives, too.
Rick: Sit.
Theresa made breakfast.
No time.
I couldn't find my sandwich.
I made you a peanut butter
and jelly.
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I ate that.
And you're out of peanut butter.
Mm. And eggs.
I hate cafeteria food.
Take mine.
Start the car.
When can I get my permit?
Everybody has theirs.
Caroline: We'll go to
the DMV next week.
You say that every week.
We're here to help.
What can we do?
Uh, Ellie has a game today.
Would you like to go, Dad?
We got it covered.
The directions are on the side
of the fridge.
Have a good day.
What time are you home tonight?
Okay, see you guys later.
Keep an eye on him.
He's a runner.
So what else is
on today's agenda, Dad?
Hiya, Girth!
Joe, my man!
I didn't know that
was you over there.
Where's Franny?
Oh, uh, my son and his wife,
uh, came with me today.
Oh, Mike Brooks, uh,
but my buddies call me Girth.
Nice to meet ya.
Girth, I'm singing in
a talent show on Saturday...
right in town.
Ah, like I always said, Joe,
you're the man!
I didn't know you could sing.
I do.
Some, you know, say I'm,
uh, I'm pretty good.
Oh, well, what should I wear?
Well, I'm wearing my best suit.
You're going?
You're not?
That's not what we get.
Put it back.
Eggs are eggs.
The girls like orgasmic,
whatever, eggs.
I'd like some of those.
I'll get what we need.
Put it back.
How about you tell us
what you need...
And how about you be quiet?
You're being rude, Dad.
Eating Ellie's lunch
is being rude.
Um, I-I'll wait in the car.
Are GMOs good or bad?
We're not making
any progress here.
It's just peanut butter.
I just want to make sure
I get the kind that Ellie likes.
And besides, my watch is broken.
We need to find a jeweler.
There's one across the street.
You keep shopping,
and I'll bring it over.
All right.
I know it's hard, Lyle,
but you'll have to choose.
Hi, how are you?
Hello. Hi, I'm hoping you can
fix this fairly quickly.
Nice place.
A lot of peanut butter.
Thank you.
It's seen better days.
Would you be interested
in a new one?
Uh, yeah.
What do you have?
Well, life is full of
hard decisions, honey.
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
Have you got a phone?
This is a battery-operated,
Yeah, you know what?
That's great. Perfect.
When the DVR is full,
you need to delete some shows.
Wrap it up?
Do you want it gift wrapped?
No, no.
Just in a bag, please.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
I got him a new watch.
Let's see if he picked out
his peanut butter yet.
He's gone!
He asked the cashier
to call him a cab.
Oh, my God!
I got the address
from the cab company.
- Let me...
- He's going to our old house!
No, wait! Wait.
We should call the police.
Let's just check the house
first, huh?
Your sisters
are gonna yell at us!
That's what
you're worried about?!
Oh, my God...
There he is!
Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
Oh, my God.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, wait, I see him.
Okay, get close to the curb.
Dad, hey. Hey.
Hey, Dad.
There you are.
Hey, Dad.
Come on.
A little change
in plans today, okay?
You good?
You okay?
Let's get in here.
Let's get in here.
Everything looks great.
- Yeah.
- Right?
So what do you need from us?
Um, all I need
is your credit card.
That I can do.
Thank you.
There you go.
Okay, I'll just run this
through for the deposit,
and I'll be right back.
Thank you.
It's so nice here,
I want to move in.
Friends your own age,
shuttle bus to take
you around town.
They even have
their own hair salon.
And what perfect timing, right?
The apartment's available
not long after Maddie's wedding.
Let's not tell, uh, Caroline
and Fran till after the wedding.
They worry too much.
Hey, El.
Do you need a ride?
Uh, my uncle's coming.
Thanks, though.
Okay. Good game!
Yeah, you, too. Bye.
Hey, Ellie.
Do you need a ride home?
My mom can take you.
No, I'm good. Thanks.
Oh, also, my mom said she can
help us with the history project
if you guys want
to come over Sunday?
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, that sounds good.
See you then.
Apparently, he got
kicked off the team.
Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
No, I don't mind at all.
Female voice:
You have one unheard message.
Rick: Hey, it's Uncle Rick.
We had an emergency at home,
so I-I called Fran.
She's gonna get you,
but she'll be a little late.
Uh, I hope your team won.
See you soon.
I got you a new watch.
The jeweler couldn't fix yours.
Thanks for the ride.
So, did you play today?
Well, for, like, two seconds.
I'm better than
Christina Turner,
but she gets to play
because her uncle's the coach.
I asked my dad to come
to the game today,
but he said he couldn't.
He had to do something
off his bucket list.
Do you have one of those?
I... I have a fuck-it list.
Don't tell your mother I cursed.
Why is everything such
a big secret in this family?
Like, "Don't tell Grandpa
we didn't go to Mass."
"Don't tell Grandpa
Maddie's pregnant."
I never... You know?
I'm not stupid.
And Grandpa's gonna figure it
out sooner or later,
so I don't get
what the big secret is.
Sometimes you keep quiet
to keep the peace.
Is that why you don't tell
Grandpa you're gay?
I mean, if I was Tricia,
I'd be mad at you for hiding me.
Tricia and I broke up.
There you go.
So, why don't you tell Grandpa?
You know, it's really
You know what?
I'm gonna make you
an online dating profile.
Oh, God.
"You don't have to lonely
Oh, you can live on a farm...
Oh... and hide from
Grandpa in the barn!
First of all, overalls
make me look hippy,
and I don't think
Grandpa could handle it
if he thought I was a farmer.
Well, maybe you can't handle it.
Ugh. I wish Grandpa could handle
a different restaurant.
I'm sick of the diner.
Always the same food,
the same waitress,
the same questions.
And why do we eat dinner
at 4:30?
Who does that?
You know, it's... it's a lot
cheaper that way, you know,
the early bird special.
And I got to be honest.
I really like Sophia.
I mean, the whole,
"Ey! Oh!" I mean, it's...
You feelin' all right?
Mr. Joe!
Your girlfriend will
cheer ya up.
How you doing today?
Pretty good!
I'm sorry,
what's your name again?
Like Sophia Loren.
Yeah, well,
you're just as beautiful.
Thank you.
She was my father's
favorite actress.
Mama said, "Thank God
I was a girl,"
because after three sons,
he would've named me Sophia
whether I was a girl or a boy.
Well, I'm afraid you wouldn't
have made a very good boy.
Those are my parents over there.
Oh, is that your mother?
You get your beauty
from your mother there.
Aw. Family is
everything, isn't it?
It is.
Oh, excuse me.
They're about to announce
the big jackpot lotto
on the news.
And now that I see you,
I feel extra lucky.
I'm thinking breakfast
for dinner.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Dad, what about you?
Uh, no, I'm not too hungry.
All right, well,
let's hear the specials.
They always have
something you like.
No millions for me today,
but when I win,
I'm going to buy a yacht
and sail around
the Greek Islands
with family and friends,
and I'm only gonna do
two things all day long.
Sunbathe and belly dance!
Ooh, I'm gonna buy you
a lot of lottery tickets!
So, what's new with you,
Mr. Joe?
Tell her about the wedding.
Oh! My... My granddaughter,
uh, is getting married,
and, uh, she asked me
to walk her down the aisle.
Not this one, I hope.
No. No.
Too young, and no time for love
with all the texting.
That's wonderful!
You must show me
the wedding pictures.
Well, we could look at them
on the yacht.
You got yourself a deal!
I... I'll be back
for your drink orders.
I'm gonna go to the restroom.
All right.
I bought you
peanut butter today.
Crunchy or plain?
I like plain.
Well, sometimes I eat crunchy.
Thanks, Grandpa.
That was really nice.
I like crunchy, too.
Tell me, uh, what does,
uh, organic mean?
Uh, well, it's better for, uh...
I actually have no idea.
It probably just tastes better.
All right.
A long line, yeah.
Oh, here she comes.
So, what can I get you to drink?
I thought that was you.
If it isn't Joe McGuinness.
You know this crazy guy?
Joe's singing in our talent show
on Saturday.
He's terrific.
You didn't tell me you sing.
Mm. I do.
I-I do.
Joe, this is my girlfriend,
Gloria Brickman.
This is the fella
I told you about.
Hi, Joe. Hi.
Hi. How are ya?
Oh. We're gonna be
in the talent show, too.
- Oh! What will you be doing?
- Wow.
Oh, you're just gonna have
to wait and see.
Some mystery.
I like that.
Gloria used to be a model.
That's her on the wall there.
Wasn't she a looker, Joe?
Who are you kidding?
She's still a looker.
Oh, you better
watch yourself, Herb.
I may run off with this one.
So, wh-what's a girl got to do
to get her picture up
there, huh?
Ah, a little more mystery.
You get a nice picture
of Mr. Joe singing.
He'll be the next spot
on the wall.
Well, my granddaughter's fianc
is gonna film me
and put me on the computer.
This he remembers.
- You'll have to show me.
- I will. I will.
They're cheaters.
I know for a fact, the one
on the end's 59.
Thank you, Red Hot Mamas
tap dancers.
That was...
red hot.
I need to announce a change
in today's schedule.
Due to local fire codes, Freida,
the Fire Baton Twirler,
will not be performing.
So next up, let me...
Oh, shh! Shh!
Excuse me one moment.
You need to read Freida's
message to the audience.
I don't want to read this.
If you don't read it,
you won't get paid.
I'm a volunteer.
Do what you're told.
Freida would like everyone
to know
that she's very sorry
for last year's mishap...
And her eyebrows
finally grew back.
And that she stands
by the integrity
of all senior fire baton
twirlers around the world.
So, let's have a warm welcome
for our next performer,
Joe McGuinness.
Good evening.
I, uh, sang this song
to my bride
at our wedding more
than 60 years ago.
She passed away, um,
not too long ago.
But y...
She'd be very happy
to see me up here.
And, uh, she'd be very happy
to know that, in a few weeks,
I'll be walking my daughter
down the aisle.
What am I saying?
It's, uh...
It's my granddaughter
who's getting married.
Uh, anyway, uh,
for those who
don't know what "pratie" means,
it means potato.
Have you ever been in love,
me boys?
And have you felt the pain?
I'd... I'd rather b...
I'd rather be...
I-I'm sorry.
I... Could you let me
s-start once more?
Have you ever been in love,
me boys?
And have you felt the pain?
I have...
I have...
I-I have...
I know the words.
I'm very sorry.
You the man, Joe!
You can join the tap dancers.
You always looked great
in sequins.
And, uh, that spandex.
Come on.
Cousin Roy would be jealous.
It coulda happened
to anybody, Dad.
You know?
And talk about embarrassing,
did you see Gloria and Herb
"The Girl from Ipanema"?
Come on.
Well, that was a...
That was pretty horrendous.
Really bad.
Oh, there we all are at
The Shrine.
That was, uh, your mother's
favorite place.
Where is that?
Uh, Robert Moses Beach.
Sometimes I wish I could
go back,
you know, just for...
Just for one moment.
You ever think that?
One moment would never
be enough.
Yeah, I just...
I wish I knew then
how good we had it.
You know, I think
everybody feels that way.
if you get stuck
on how good it was,
you'll miss how good it is.
You know, you can be a real
pain in the ass,
but we couldn't have asked
for a better dad.
You know, I feel the same.
You're a big pain in the ass.
Let me get the blinds.
Mm. Let the polyester
parade begin.
Regina's dress is hideous.
Look at you, Caroline, always
with the little red purse.
Rick looks so innocent,
but we know the truth.
This is, um... this is Regina's
first communion.
Welcome to the Catholic
Academy Awards.
Sister, who are you wearing?
Dad, are there any
of you and Mom?
No, she never wanted
to take any pictures.
There's our, uh, wedding film.
I've never seen that.
Well, me neither.
A friend of mine filmed it.
He gave it to us
as a wedding gift.
The camera, too.
How come you've
never watched it?
Well, your...
Your mother was a...
She was a... she was a romantic.
She wanted to save it
for our 10th anniversary.
You know, "A red carpet
premier," she said.
And the 10th anniversary,
the projector was broken,
and then, after Margaret died...
the films were too hard
for Mom to look at, so I...
I put it away.
You know, it's funny.
It's funny how 60 years
can get away from you.
I'll get it.
It's in my room.
Let's go to The Shrine.
There's no time
like the present.
Well, it's... it's close
to the old beach house.
Maybe we could drive by, hmm?
It's torn down.
It was replaced
with a McMansion.
Damn fools.
Uh, could we...
pick up daisies?
That was your mother's favorite.
We had the best games
of hide-and-go-seek here.
Back then, the summer
seemed like an eternity.
Now it's a blip.
Only Catholic kids could
have a good time
at Stations of the Cross.
Remember that old lady
that used to chase us out?
The Bible says, and I...
I'm paraphrasing this,
but God cares a little bit
more about kids
than he does some
hypocritical old lady, so...
Said the atheist.
I don't know, you know?
I-I don't know
what I believe anymore.
It's like the thought of never
seeing Mom again just...
Or even just hearing her voice.
Yeah, it makes a girl think,
you know?
What does... What does Dad
know that... that I don't?
It's not what you know,
it's what you believe.
Well, I just miss her, you know?
I miss everything about her.
I miss her laugh.
It's so strange losing her
bit by bit for so long,
and then, in one second,
she's gone.
Her last breath haunts me.
You know, right up
until the end,
I stupidly thought there was
a chance she'd get better.
You know, maybe if I could
just make her laugh hard enough
that she would just
snap out of it.
You could always make her laugh,
even when she couldn't talk.
Especially at Dad.
Are we doing the right thing
for Dad?
It's like with Mom.
When you're in the middle of it,
it's hard to know what's right.
Do I hide from life?
If this is about me,
I'm not falling for it.
But if the farmer
overalls fit...
It's called survival.
Everybody hides
behind something.
What are you hiding behind?
Caroline the Caretaker.
I dropped out of my
doctoral program
in my 20s to be a mother,
then, in my 40s,
to help with Mom,
and now, here I am,
a mother to my daughter
and my father.
Looking beyond the incestuous
aspect of all that...
I suppose maybe
I see a little pattern.
It's not too late
to finish school.
I don't think I can still do it.
Well, this... this very wise,
very old woman once said to me,
"It's not what you know,
it's what you believe."
I saved Mom and Dad's old
answering machine.
I like to play it so I
can hear her voice.
I hate that I can't remember
Margaret's voice.
Come on.
We were so young.
In my non-atheist moments,
I like to think... believe...
That Mom and Margaret are
together somewhere, you know?
It makes me really happy.
Me, too.
Could you put mustard on it?
I already did.
- Is Aunt Fran here yet?
- She'll be back.
She went to get Grandpa's car
When are your friends coming?
They're on their way.
Look who I found
lurking in your bushes.
- Hi, Ms. Minogue.
- Hi, Ms. Minogue.
Hi, guys.
These cannot be left out.
That's my grandpa in there.
- Hello!
- Hi!
- Hello!
- You guys want to sit?
So, what is the scoop with this?
We tell them memories about
stuff from our childhood.
And then, we record you
on our phone.
Well, I am your go-to gal
for bad TV and bad fashion.
Hey, we should've worn shoulder
pads and leg warmers.
No. No, no.
It's not your weirdo stuff.
It's specific things
from a history song.
All right, are you ready?
We're talking to my mom,
Caroline Minogue, and her
sister, Francis McGuinness.
Today, they will share with us
memories of events
and people from their childhood.
Okay. First person.
Harry Truman.
El, that's a little
bit before our time.
I guess the history gene
skipped a generation.
Well, how about Doris Day?
Harry Truman.
Doris Day.
It's from, uh, you know, uh,
"We Didn't Start the Fire."
It's a Billy Joel song!
Maybe we can perform it
for your class.
- Yeah!
- Oh, my God. Yes!
No! No. No.
I mean, I think
you're gonna have to get
Grandpa to help you with this.
Hey, Dad!
Can they interview you?
He didn't go to college.
I'd be delighted!
I'm so sorry
my family is so embarrassing.
- Mine's much worse.
- I think they're funny.
- Aw!
- I like him.
He can come back.
Would you like a sandwich?
Sure. We'll be here
with our shoulder pads.
And leg warmers.
Doris Day.
You know, she started out
as a big band singer.
Uh, do you kids, uh,
like big band music?
Oh, Grandpa,
we need to record you.
You need to talk about the
things specifically on the list.
Record me?
That sounds very official.
We'll use the recording
to make a podcast.
A podcast?
I have no idea what that is,
but I'm sure it's,
uh, very important.
Your generation,
you kids are so smart.
We're recording.
You want to record
some of my big band music?
Look, I-I've got my records
right here in the corner.
I-I don't think so, Grandpa.
I need the list back.
I don't see Betty Grable
on here.
But maybe you can add her in.
She had a great pair of gams.
What are gams?
Gams. Legs.
Okay, Grandpa.
I need the sheet back. Please?
Okay, you're the boss.
We are here with my grandfather,
Joseph McGuinness.
Today he's gonna share with us
his thoughts
and memories of Harry Truman.
Harry Truman?
Harry Truman.
Uh, Harry Truman was a Democrat.
Now, Truman, uh,
had one of the hardest decisions
a president
has ever had to make.
About the bomb?
He had to decide,
does he kill thousands
of Japanese civilians
or let the war continue
and let God knows
how many more soldiers die.
So, he gave the go ahead.
It was awful.
But it ended the war.
Were you in the war?
Too young.
But, uh, my older brother,
he fought in the Pacific.
He was a Marine.
There he is.
Standing under the American flag
after they captured Iwo Jima.
Half his regiment was wiped out.
You know, I, uh...
It isn't that
I was happy about the bombings,
but I just wanted my big brother
to come home.
Did he?
The Japanese surrendered
August 15th.
We got word, the next day,
that Patrick was wounded
in the Battle of Okinawa.
He had...
died in July.
I didn't know that.
He was so close
to making it home.
That's so sad.
How old was he?
He enlisted a day after
his high school graduation.
He was only 17.
He was 19 when he died.
That's not much older than me.
We heard later on from some
of the guys he fought with,
he saved many men.
Since he was the sole provider
for my mother and me,
uh, he needed her permission
to enlist.
She said, okay.
She felt everyone
should do their duty.
Where was your father?
He died when I was seven.
Those were the days
before antibiotics.
You know, the minute
the war ended, I made...
I made a big
"Welcome Home" sign and I...
I put it on our front window.
Then, we heard,
so I took the sign down and...
And hung a banner
with a gold star.
What does gold star mean?
Gold Star Families lose
someone in military combat.
There were a lot of gold stars
around Brooklyn.
He... He asked me to keep it
while he was away.
You know, it's funny.
Your watch always says
1:28 because it's broken,
and it's actually
1:28 right now.
Well, they say a broken watch
is correct
at least twice a day.
Uh, let me see that list again.
Marlon Brando was a hoople.
What's a hoople?
Oh, never mind about hooples.
Brooklyn's got a winning team.
That would be 1955.
Brooklyn Dodgers,
World Series Champs.
Now, I was young,
and Patrick and I
would walk 20 minutes
to Ebbets Field, okay,
rather than pay for the subway
so we had more money
to buy peanuts.
They were delicious.
I have a peanut allergy.
Four or five times,
the Dodgers won the pennant,
and every single time,
the damn Yankees took 'em
in the World Series,
but 1955 was our year.
I watched the seventh game
in a bar.
The place went crazy
when we won.
I got so excited,
I kissed a beautiful
girl standing next to me.
Did she get mad?
I don't know,
but she married me.
That's how you met Grandma?
You could get in a lot of
trouble if you did that today.
Oh, it'd be worth it.
Um, did you know that
the Dodgers played in the first
Major League
game that was televised?
But the biggest first,
1947, Jackie Robinson.
Oh, we watched the movie
about him, "42."
That's right.
Number 42.
The first Major League player
to break the color barrier.
You saw him play?
He was a terrific
second baseman.
Let me see that.
The Beatles.
Long hair and a lot of noise.
I can play you some real music.
You think it'll be better
than The Beatles?
Are you kiddin' me?
All right.
There's grooves in the record.
You put the needle on it,
and music comes out.
- Cool.
- I love these things.
Hey, yes.
Is this right,
Mr. McGuinness?
That's it.
Very good!
- Uh, how am I doing, Grandpa?
- You are doing fantastic.
You're a good dancer, Ellie.
Just like your grandmother.
Hot dog! Oh.
Oh, Mom! Oh, hey, Mom.
Get a video of us.
Oh, pose, pose.
- Oh!
- Get me, too! Get me, too!
It's not your fault, Grandpa.
The dance gene
skipped a generation.
Wait, I got moves.
Oh! Oh.
I'm going to the store.
Any requests?
Uh, yogurt, apple slices,
and peanut butter.
Not the crunchy kind.
See ya later.
Ellie, uh, you haven't
been to Mass yet.
Oh, Grandpa.
You don't understand.
Things are different now.
Mass on Sunday has not changed.
You're going.
You know, Mom didn't make me
go all the time
until you moved in here.
Sometimes, she wouldn't even go.
Aunt Fran, too.
I-I don't believe that.
Well, maybe you don't know
as much about them as you think.
I mean, they think differently
than you about a lot of things,
not just church.
Like what?
Like politics.
There's a lot of stuff
they don't tell you.
There's a lot that's changed
in the world.
Yeah, I know that.
I know, and I know my daughters.
There's one thing
you don't know.
What's that?
Aunt Fran is gay.
Caroline: Hey, baby girl.
You told him what?!
- You go. Come on.
- All right.
Come on.
You go.
No, you go in.
No, you go first.
You're better at this.
Hi, Dad.
Sit down.
I just had an interesting chat
with Ellie.
I can't even bring myself
to say the word.
Dad, you...
I-I can't believe
my own family...
I guess I just don't want
to believe it.
And why?
Why am I the last to know?
You're Democrats?
You have any idea the state
the Democrats have
put this country in?
Well, technically,
I'm an Independent,
and... and this one here,
she's the Democrat.
She's registered.
It's true, you are.
You need to talk about this.
Dad, did you want to talk about
anything else that Ellie said?
You mean that, uh,
Fran's a lesbian?
I already knew that.
But your sister's personal life
is none of your business,
Your mother told me years ago.
How come you never
said anything?
Well, you never talked about it,
why should I?
I don't understand it, but...
your happiness is what matters.
Now, can someone
please explain to me
what the hell you two
are thinking?
I'm an Independent, Dad.
You said that already.
Just... I just want it
to be clear.
It's clear.
Okay, Dad.
So now that we're putting
everything out on the table,
um, Maddie...
She's pregnant.
These things happen, Caroline.
Yeah, Caroline,
these things happen.
Stop being so judgmental.
I'm not judgmental.
I am not judgmental.
I've got to go, Dad.
I left your lunch in the fridge.
Remember, Fran's not around
today, and it's my late night.
Ellie's gonna heat up
the meat loaf for you
for dinner after her game.
Okay! Okay! Bye!
Okay, see ya later!
We're not able
to come to the phone,
so please leave a message.
Hey, Mom.
Your voicemail is full,
so I'm calling the house.
I texted you, too.
So, Christina Turner hurt her
ankle, so I'm starting today.
And I know you have class
tonight, but if there's any way
you can come to the game,
please, please, please come.
Oh, just to warn you,
Dad will be there.
And he'll drive me home
if you can't come,
but please come if you can.
Okay, love you.
Always stingy with the mustard.
We're not able
to come to the phone,
so please leave a message.
Hi, Caroline. It's Charlie.
Your mailbox was full,
so I hope you get this message.
I was supposed to pick up
Ellie from her game,
but something came up
and I can't make it.
Maybe you can get her an Uber
if you're busy.
Talk to you soon.
When are you gonna start acting
like a father
instead of a hoople?
You have got responsibilities,
and I'm sick and tired of you
acting like a bum!
Look at all
You've got
The light that shines
A million suns
A million tears
Filled with joy
You're in my soul.
Daddy, Ricky hit me.
I'm coming home
All my fears
Washed away
No more pain
I feel today
All the tears
Left inside
You're in my soul
I'm coming home
Look at all
You've got
The light that shines
A million suns
A million tears
Filled with joy
You're in my soul
I'm coming home
All my fears
Washed away
No more pain
I feel today
All the tears
Left inside
You're in my soul
I'm coming home
My first car was a...
Huh, was an old Studebaker.
What's that matter now?
I'm sorry I hurt ya, Ellie.
I'm fine, Grandpa.
And I guess I won't be able
to walk Maddie down the aisle.
Seems like I'll be laid up
for a while.
They said they're postponing
the wedding until you're better.
That's silly.
I'll do whatever they
tell me to do.
Oh, yeah?
So, should we break
the good news?
Dad has decided to move
to assisted living.
We found a great place,
and he loves it.
Dr. Kaufman,
telephone, please.
Well, I-i-it's...
It's very nice,
and I won't be
in your way anymore.
And, Franny, you need to focus
more on your work.
Dad, I do just fine.
You know that's not how we feel.
I'll help with his rent.
It's time I step up
and help more.
You're not in the way, Grandpa.
I-I don't want
you to move. Please.
That's very sweet, El,
but the decision is made.
You're not the boss
of the family.
Uh, no, but we're not letting
a teenager call the shots.
I mean, what are you, 15?
Well, who decided that
you're calling the shots?
I'm 16, thank you very much.
It's the right thing to do.
Have you talked to him?
You just come down here
and take over?!
He chose it! Ask him.
It's for the best.
You haven't seen
the place either.
- It's a great place.
- It's a family decision.
Stop. Stop it!
I'm calling the shot.
Dad, you're staying with us,
but I am going back to school
to finish my PhD.
So we need help.
You need help,
and you will not fire her or him
or ask how much they weigh.
And, Rick, whatever you were
kicking in for rent,
you can put towards the aid.
I think that's a great idea.
Well, I'm on board.
Uh, but to be fair,
that woman weighed
at least 300 pounds.
Okay, okay...
Dr. Minogue.
Dad, don't you ever feel
outnumbered by all these women?
Not outnumbered.
That's it then.
That's it.
Your mother would be very happy
to know you finished
your doctorate.
Dr. Anderson
to maternity, please.
Is it okay if Tricia comes in?
Is that your lady?
Come in.
Come in.
Dad, I'd like you to meet
Patricia Mathison.
Patricia, I'd like you to meet
my dad, Joe McGuinness.
Very nice to meet you,
Mr. McGuinness.
You're beautiful.
Thank you.
But are you Catholic?
Where's the bride?
I don't know.
What time is it?
Here they come.
Good luck.
Take good care of each other.
And I hope you'll have as
much love and happiness as...
I had with your mother.
How about a song, Uncle Joe?
- I don't think so.
- Aw.
Not even for me?
Dad, you know, if you don't,
Fran will.
Uncle Joe!
Uncle Joe!
Uncle Joe!
Uncle Joe! Uncle Joe!
Sorry. Sorry, forgive me.
Sorry to be a buzzkill.
Story of my life.
Anyway, um,
I would like
my gorgeous, beautiful,
crazy, fun, generous sister
to know how happy I am
for her and Tricia.
Uh, we all wish them both a life
full of love and happiness.
To Fran and Tricia!
And now, here's Regina.
I mean, Chloe.
Actually, I'm not Chloe anymore.
I've recently taken up
Inuit throat singing,
and now go by the name Nunique.
So, firstly,
I would like to thank
my sisters, Franny and Caroline,
for everything that you have
done for our family
over the last few years.
And second,
in keeping with the theme
of love and family...
My father sang this...
song to my mother...
at their wedding...
over 60 years ago.
And for those of you who don't
know what "pratie" means,
it means...
Have you ever been in love,
me boy?
Or have you felt the pain?
I'd sooner be
in jail meself
Than be in love again
The girl I love
was beautiful
I'd have you all to know
And I met her in the garden
Where the praties grow
She was the kind
of creature, boys
That nature did intend
To walk right through
the world, me boys
Without the Grecian bend
Nor did she wear
the chignon
I'll have you all to know
And I met her in the garden
Where the praties grow
So deep
Waiting for the right time
So good
You'll see
It's all inside of me
It will change
Your mind
And make you feel
like you're blind
When I polish
All I'll do is shine
Shining down on you
Like Heaven's opened up
There's a diamond inside me
But it's buried in the rough
I will
You'll see
I'll shine
I'll be
Brand new
You wont recognize me
When my light
Comes through
So perfect and inviting
They'll stop
And stare
At the wonder
that's inside me
Just like
The sun
All I'll do is shine
Shining down on you
Like Heaven's opened up
There's a diamond inside me
But it's buried in the rough
I will
You'll see
I'll shine
I'll shine
All I'll do is shine
Shining down on you
Like Heaven's opened up
There's a diamond inside me
But it's buried in the rough
I will
You'll see
I'll shine
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
All I'll do is
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Have you ever been in love,
me boys?
And have you felt the pain?
I'd rather be in jail
Than be in love again
Now, the girl I loved
was beautiful
I'd have you all to know
And I met her in the garden
Where the praties grow
She was just the sort
of creature, boys
That nature did intend
To walk right through
the world, me boys
Without the Grecian bend
Nor did she wear
the chignon
I'll have you all to know
And I met her in the garden
Where the praties grow
Says I, "My lovely Colleen "
I'll hope you'll pardon me"
But she wasn't like
the city girls
Who'd say you're
making free
She answered me right modestly
and curtsied very low
You're welcome
in the garden
Where the praties grow
Says I, "My lovely darling "
I'm tired of single life
And if you've no objections,
I'll make you my sweet wife"
Says she,
"I'll ask my parents "
And tomorrow
shall let you know
If I'll meet you in the garden
where the praties grow"
Her parents, they consented
And were blessed
with children three
Two girls just
like their mother
And a boy the image of me
We'll train them up
in decency
The way they ought to go
And I'll ne'er forget
the garden
Where the praties grow