One Wild Oat (1951) Movie Script

Yeah right so I could go Bobby no
interruption intended
good morning mr. Proudfoot very quiet
everywhere isn't it it usually is it two
o'clock in the morning to talk top great
heavens I'm well oh well good night
super mr. Tribe would say yes I know
it's not my place to be telling my
servant always dress itself properly
before coming home to the wife sir
merciful I'm getting a boat well nothing
of this hot I merely popped out little
facchetti my daughter she promised to
come straight home from the theater
children can be very worrying like that
sir I am the same trouble with mice
that's a different matter altogether
your son is a boy my daughter is a girl
Davina fortune the bath that was 10
minutes ago
I'm too wanted to stay in one place for
long what you been doing I couldn't bear
the suspense any longer
I pooped outside to look up and down the
street oh where can cherry be Caroline
what can she be doing I thought I could
trust him quickly
you might know that boys whereas you
think he's my own cock he's worked in my
office for over three years in the whole
of my experience as a solicitor I've
never met anybody with such integrity it
worries me sometimes come on I am Mary
Alice do something Oh is cherry aware of
the seamy side of life what do you mean
by there well I should been informed of
the biological facts I think so she
she's 19 and most modern girls at that
age knows much as appearance Oh surely
not you don't mean that
ah research mr. Gregg rich Russell at
good morning mr. Powerful good heavens
what's what's been happening where is my
I don't know sir she left me and went
off with some fellow
what it happened as we believe in the
theater Carrie I ran into this better
she seemed to know him awfully well and
he suggested that we should all go to a
nightclub don't tell me you went I had
no alternative yet he seemed all for
isn't well I could hardly leave alone
with the fellow so we all went along to
the nickk nickk nickk nickk what does
that mean that was the name of the club
oh it was an awful place huh everybody
was laughing meant dancing and a
midnight a whole lot of girls came onto
the stage with practically nothing on oh
why didn't you problem for me go on Greg
there well I just couldn't stand it any
so I told this fellow exactly what I
thought of him and then I slapped his
well after I picked myself up cherian he
had vanished do you know the name of
that fellow yes I think it was um Fred
guilty thank you babe why doesn't guilty
family in this broken flat aren't those
people with all the money exactly the
father of that boy is outfit give me the
shading pitiless bounder on the fourth
floor the man who runs prey hounds
precisely I help to prosecute him in the
1945 Stadium scandal one of his dogs
have been given a stimulant it did 200
yards in six seconds his wife seems
quite a pleasant woman she's an Apes
musical comedy actress
what sort of progeny can you expect from
parents like that oh boy he's nothing
but a box oh and if it's the last thing
I do I'll keep the wolf from my daughter
thank you oh gosh I'd better go alright
say good night good night darling Tilden
it's tomorrow already
my father would never have a loaded
tender mind her own business I don't
intend to say very much to you in front
of Gregory but I do intend that he shall
hear me say this I'm ashamed
Brittany I'm grievously ashamed my poppy
what have you done come along daddy
you meeting wait that's all I'll see you
at the office in the morning oh well
here's 10 shillings for the taxi home oh
I don't mind waiting mr. Powerful I can
get a workman's bustle for air not in
evening best you can't besides you're
not a working man well I do 11 hours a
day that's what I mean no more arguments
off you go and put a raw steak on that
old people something no miss I'll ask
you to give an account of yourself where
have you been daddy I've had a wonderful
time Fred took me to a nightclub Oh
mommy he's such a darling he lives three
little floors up perhaps he's still
thinking of me whispering Jerry Jerry.
Jerry what's her name
Jerry Jerry Proudfoot you can see the
daughter that little legal loony
downstairs yes it's right now listen
listen I don't want you to have anything
to do with her see it was her father may
those inquires about my stimulating
greyhounds remember they couldn't help
that it was only his job or what a job
solicitors and lawyers are nothing but
limpet and proud what's the lowest
lead-in bit of a lot how Fred Gill be
your precious spades father is nothing
more than a social drone he's a black
market get him out he's traded in camera
cigarette lighters and silk stockings
just before last Christmas he was in
under sized walnuts but the present
nobody happens to be running greyhounds
and he won't be my fault if very shortly
I don't make him run faster than they do
he's a reproach to decent society and so
is his wretched son
hey wats Fred time silence I won't even
discuss him I don't have to daddy I'm
going to marry him Oh what did you say
I'm going to marry Fred I would remind
you that you are only 19 cherry until
one day before your 21st birthday any
question of your marriage is that it
subject to my consent given in writing
on Form you 8 - 794 very well then
I'll apply to a magistrate where did you
get that knowledge from I looked it up
you mind if your books as soon as I met.
Fred I knew you wouldn't bike very mr.
Barratt of Wimpole Street that is a
ridiculous remark mr. Ballad of Wimpole.
Street as an actor Humphrey I do think
you're a hard man
I'm nothing of the sort I've merely
tried to do my duty somebody's got to
look after my daughter if I thought do
it who can I didn't mean anything I'd
say that didn't really I didn't mean
anything either except that I'll never
give my consent and get straight off you
needn't worry about her she knows how to
take care of herself I just gotta get
myself to things it seems only yesterday
I danced a little girl on my knee now
suddenly she's a woman it was a born
women Humphrey I did so want a barrister
for a son-in-law I don't know why I do
is because you never managed to become
one yourself
you're a wonderful solicitor well that's
not much consolation look Caroline for
32 years I've carried this in my
dispatch case my father gave it to me to
encourage my ambition I've never once
more lit in court
never mind yeah you've been instructing
solicitor for seven important lawsuits
we lost six of them but you wonder seven
know the defendant died Threadgill be
Alfred guilty oh I won't stand for it
thank you young give me and Jenna
exactly what I think of em I have to go
to any such thing I'll call him at this
oh god I will see oh thank heavens sake
don't lose your temper
you'd only make things more difficult
I'm gonna give that boy a piece of my
Oh Oh is it hump it Belfort speaking I'm
creeped out for the Proudfoot pound foot
on Proudfoot so this it was I just want
to tell you that I think you're a
bounder sir
oh you do do you only a scoundrel would
keep a young girl out to pasture hook
talk in the mummy
aye you certainly did you took it to the
neck it's no doubting better sir you're
nothing but a loose-fish I'll dip Atene
and a very nasty chip of a
double-dealing old doc Oh Oh steady
no don't bother
no please please don't bother that boy
sounded very rude it wasn't the boy I
got the father he's coming down here to
see me
and I better wait until he arrives so no
no no Caroline oh I'd rather you didn't
hear what he has to say that sort of man
you was his word you wouldn't even
understand it will matter if I stay oh
no perhaps you better wait in the hall
and be ready to fetch a policeman
an awful bad temper gonna fight me
don't get him see your wig wig wig I had
it a moment ago
ratchet where did I put the wretched
thing spit ow thank you be happy
well well into the small world yes.
Eddie you like a cup of tea used to
guilty I'd hate it
well don't be disgusting all right just
thought it might make you feel more at
home at home here the smallest bed in
the building no you're being insulting
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be won't you
sit down just for a moment why just for
a moment am I not welcome here goodness
sake I hope I'm not keeping you up no no
no as a matter of fact I'm not that
anxious to have a chat with you indeed
the anxiety seems to have turned your
toupee white oh I'm sorry I
I was only trying it on yeah you were
trying on something on your telephone
weren't you uh would you care to dance a
beer if I can find one are you trying to
weed me no no no no certainly not
it's just that I think it's time we bury
tachat that's why your telephone and
call me disgusting chip of a nasty old
block I wasn't aware that I was
addressing you Madame ops were intended
for your son.
Oh oh it's different that makes me feel
much more friendly hi dad
it won't the fact that I've reluctantly
agreed for Fred to marry your daughter
over my dead body
that's an excellent suggestion well
Betty you with a hatchet it'll save my
son having a sabbatarian Pekinese for
the father-in-law you're trying to
settle the wrong horse guilty I've kept
a young fellow named Gregory cross all
up my sleeve for over two years and I'm
not gonna let him down no listen.
a table for table putting pound foot so
does he tours all the way property mind
if I go yeah big toe it's shorter if my
son is stupid enough to want to marry
your daughter you're gonna marry her and
nothing you can say or do will stop him
well that's where you make a blue mouth
or what
a blue mouth you're going back a bit
aren't you on the contrary I'm looking I
paid it so happens the chili is underage
and any question about marriage requires
my permission in writing and you're not
gonna give it not for all the tea in
China there and after I've been so
charming I've even brought your bag of
luxuries Oh what sort of luxuries Eames
twelve eautiful new-laid eggs and now I
don't know what to do with them
what'd you say nothing what you thought
something didn't you no no not exactly
would you like to hold them for a moment
no I would not
you ungrateful little humbug and I bring
you a gift you take it unlike it's a
little silly now I don't want to take
any unfair advantage big toe so I'm
going to ask you quite nicely and simply
are you going to let those two kids find
their happiness in their own way where
are you going to be an interfering old
nuisance and make them both you're
terribly sad and unhappy
you better narrow escape yes thank you
thank you very much and now I'll bid you
goodnight goodnight no hard feelings
no no not at all sure quite quick that's
a stout
they are dear
and then the stadium season my child
again I'd love to I've enjoyed myself
Debbie Tehran Fred go down the tenth
series you can tell better getting a
rubdown no stimulants what did you say
nothing that but I'm gonna be off the
new net chumby long bob yeah Manny what
you down here guess what wrong oh oh yes.
I want to cry don't be silly
few moments you won't destroy it gently.
Fred if ever I do try and catch it will
you come on
thank you
I do we had a little flap like this it's
so much cozier than ours
are you sure mr. Gillie worth mind
you're calling on us My dear he couldn't
care less I mean he'd be delighted it is
such a pity our two husbands can't grow
to like each other
mr. Proudfoot such a sweet little man I
hate Alfred making that rude noise
whenever he sees him Oh mommy here
spreadin oh hello dear maid you're very
welcome but it did to what my husband
would say come and sit down
mummy okay Oh cherry I don't like that
deep color of your nails it doesn't suit
you my dear you look quite excited has
fed been behaving himself of course
haha don't take it for granted he's much
too like his father sometimes darling
haven't had any tea no tell Annie would
you dear
yeah okay go bye mr. Dubey goodbye dear
goodbye mommy goodbye dear
she's coming back isn't she okay I don't
know what she's saying goodbye for we've
been shopping friend isn't it saucy
hangers mother you can't well that can't
I you try and stop me there how do you
think of it.
Oh Lydia it's smart but bitch off the G
key it doesn't make me look a fast woman
I think that's about meeting oh how
you know I remember years ago a certain
young man got quite the wrong impression
about me simply because of the Hat I was
wearing he was most insistent about it
too it was terribly embarrassing what
did father say don't be silly dear was
your father he was a devil for the
ladies he still would be if I didn't
watch him I must tell you my dear I once
found the name Queenie in his diary I
was furious and you know what it turned
out to be the name of one of his gray
hairs oh you see all his dogs have girl
names I don't know why hmm
oh just coincidence mother yes I suppose
Coinciding with what I wouldn't know
that oh that can't you number it does
something to me you know I'm sure I
could make a great stage comeback if
only my husband would let me put up the
money it must be you who makes me sing
who makes the members in light spring
who's giving me ideas I haven't had in
good morning so was there something wait
a minute.
What is the meaning of this
Caroline what are these people doing
here can you be so rude I asked mrs.
Killaby to take a cup of tea with me
indeed and that's taking a cup of tea
with you
necessitate our indulging enough in an
exotic dance to inviting music behind my
back and against my wishes you've got
differently invite this this disrupting
influence into my own home really mr.
Plow hood I think you're behaving
disgracefully I am NOT interested in
your opinions madam Fred did you hear
what he called me but I am concerned
with the shameful activities of your son
heaven's sake think what your sailors
honk he's nothing but a young Casanova
Caroline I have concrete evidence of it
in black and white I think you're not oh
do you Oh we'll see oh yeah I'd waken
the previous afternoon sleep no heaven
help your panting oh who is this this
gutter line is mr. peeps my divorce case
inquiry agent and social investigate all
pleased to meet you ma'am
humph you're making an awful fool of
yourself the man hasn't had time to
investigate anybody
oh yes yes will you've been in the
business as long as I have you
development knack received peeps
investigation as to character and social
behavior case 37 and on the 4th of July
1939 the party concerned booked a double
room at the VuPoint hotel did Lampton
and on the following morning he was
observed coming down the stairs making
jocular laughing conversation with a
young lady what's going on you know I'm
beginning to dislike you what about up
to now he's been snooping Alfred Snoopy
what do you mean peeping through
keyholes well that's what it amounts to
would you say I took no active part in
the investigation I left that to my back
totem that totem
this is yours he's got a report that it
goes way back says Fred Brazil hotel
with a woman in 1939 well that's
nonsense to start with hanging it any 23
now that'll make him 12 at the time you
have a more recent date beeps I have a
very sultry hotel occasion only ten days
ago sir ten days ago I was in Belfast
well according to my schedule you was in.
Eastbourne are you sure you haven't made
a mistake I've never made one yet ma'am
here it is top of the page private case
number 37 investigation to life of elfin.
Gilby alfred Gilby you've got it all
wrong my name's Alfred Gil V let's go
and see if the cars there mother I'll
show him
elidio you're being awfully bitter I
know how you feel but it isn't the
children's fault ask your husband it is
gifted Shirley's bet you should know
what sort of a man he I've always known
what sort of a man he is but I just
don't like being made to believe it I
wish you could have a word with my
husband before you leave he's really
awfully upset about it and so he should
I'd like an investigation into his past
in my opinion he's much too good to be
true wasting my time with such people if
you take my advice you're not a pilot
your husband's doings you may wake up
more than you expect
I suppose it takes almost three hours to
get down there doesn't it hmm going away
no mother is oh I suppose you haven't
thought of apologizing for being so rude
to my father yesterday no I haven't very
well if you still feel like that you
know you're wasting a lot of time life's
too short for all these lovers to
missing don't be a twerp
carry on please forgive me darling I
shouldn't have called your father a nosy
plaque that's right as long as you
didn't mean it
well of course not I just impulsively
said what I was thinking oh did you oh
dear I'm sorry
where's your mother game only to exploit
doctor routine check up on father
oh dear is that going to mean more
trouble it will sort of blow over.
Oh done take things so seriously done
you know when we're back in touch wait
here and a half-wit daddy said this
morning he'll never give his permission
not as long as there's a breath in his
body it's all right sweet we just have
to find a way of promoting the breath
from his body.
Oh deeply thing to say hey listen Vidya
if you don't lay off so help me I'll do
something desperate
you've been nurturing ever since
yesterday and I can't stand any more of
it nor can I I've put up with you as
long as I intend to this time I'm
getting a divorce
good what then I suppose you'll settle
down with your Gloria Oh for the hundred
and forty ninth time I tell you Gloria's
a greyhound it's a miserable coincidence
I happen to have her with me when I
stated that Hotel at East ball mr. Pete
said you went swimming with her that's
an exaggeration I simply held about the
lead while she peddled you were seen
kissing her in the lounge
well I'm very fond of her that's why I
had a basket moved to the adjoining
bedroom during the nights were seem to
go in and out of that bedroom on three
different occasions I've been worried
about her you see she's not how strange
oh don't shout gonna miss your train
mother a greyhound in a bedroom huh
listen Julia cost me 800 quid what am I
gonna do let her sleep on the beach she
probably slept there before Epis if she
sleeps at all at night think she's gone
for good
no yeah was she making for East boy
really whoa not that I mind Marconi I
just don't think he's formally agreed
with her oh you'll make me tired
no with you I think you've reached an
all-time low
now listen don't you start Davy well
isn't it
time you pulled yourself together you
talking to me yes I am Oh fooling around
with a woman it's your turn of life you
ought to be ashamed of yourself
get out yeah get out okay daddy sugar
there's a mr. Pete's to see use it beeps
oh yes
show him in very good sir the person sir
good morning sir.
Norman sir you measure more sneaky puss
you broke up my home and deliberately
ruptured my family well I didn't act
with malice aforethought that makes it
worse I'm gonna take action against you
would you rather have 200 quid
meaning what sir meaning I want you to
do a little investigating for me well
I'll be very glad to sir good sit down I
want you to dig dive and fed it into the
life of Humphrey Proudfoot you'd break
up something nasty the money's yours
I'll let you off the libel otherwise
I'll get you 15 years imprisonment and
let the boys work over as well ever
drink well mr. Gilby so I'd do anything
in the world to make you happy but since
mr. Pafford got married there's been
nothing you could even put a finger on
ah there must be something somewhere
there is in everybody's life what about
before he was married oh now you're
talking gone what do you do well he had
a very serious love affair with a young
lady in the post office if obviously
obviously whether it's just outside
locks bottom but bottom
oh it's near Orpington Kent or was it
Kensington Dog now I'm a liar.
Oh Benson Kent they used to go on
cycling ships together
all the tree castle the lady's name was
mr. Proudfoot was madly in love with her
yes it was highly romantical but it had
the usual ending and they departed most
unhappy and now always on the same
mr. Proudfoot sends a bunch of rose me
an old man's beard to the Arbus Festival
at Doc's bottom yes Rose me remembrance
an old man's beard for remorse
I know it's still on his conscience
you're sure this was before his marriage
18 months before so ah what a pity what
a pity you can say that again
what a pity mark you the young lady did
have a beautiful bouncing boy very
shortly afterwards but he liked mr.
Bradford and all he was to do you mean
I'm afraid so sir it's a boy still alive
well as far as I know sir yes and
disorder what's her name you know where
to find her I think so sir
my lost contact and I registered as
promoted to a post office in happen or
would look go and get her at once so
once a month
very good sir if you do this for me I'll
give you 300 quid even if it means
opening at the last second notes very
good sir write it down the kennels yeah
well you're gonna be very proud of your
old daddy why I'm not only gonna make.
Proudfoot give his consent he's going to
beg you to marry cherry are you gonna
manage that ha ha ha
you wait and see oh what a beautiful day
yes this know where I'd like to be right
now know where east boy yeah
so quick
no no no complaining this is Nelson
double six double six yes I want.
Eastbourne double four Oh double for
Kimberly good morning whoo mr. Bisbee
oh hello well listen honey I want you to
do something for me
if my wife turns up today tell her
Gloria was a greyhound gran
oh really Alfred but what about the
registration book oh dear look I tell
you what
just put bitch in brackets mm-hmm what
hey hey all right
goodbye bye sweet Allah.
Oh Gloria what are you doing here I
don't know who it was but he called it
my fake cross-examine I made it she told
him I had been to Eastbourne well.
Lawrence that you haven't done no but he
my maid got scared and told him didn't
you say that our friendship was platonic
I tried to but I couldn't remember that
word hang it I wrote it down for you
he's coming to see you when right now
he was phony for a taxi when I left tell
Nick anaemic Alfred oh they die I hope -
I thought you were nice for I wanted to
go but I persuaded I'm not - who told
you to butt in I've been ignoring sounds
guilty and proceeded to the point on her
way to the station your wife called at
my office said Luke west at the name of
that hotel at Eastbourne
she was in a state of great distress
that moved me deeply I calmed it to the
best of my ability and finally persuaded
her to overlook the hold of that
disgraceful incident on one condition
come on what's the phone little clause
that can be interpreted in five
different ways mrs. goobie now my client
insists that if these four an incident
is overlooked you will solemnly
undertake irrevocably to turn your back
on wine women and song
I don't what you're talking about I
don't like wine I can't sing and as for
women excuse me mr. Gilby I found this
woman wandering about on the top floor
she said she's a very personal friend of
yours is she I've not seen him before in
my life okay Romeo let's have it but now
I'm going to tell everything to my
you once speakable hound for the sake of
decency somebody should shoot you did
you keep one down suddenly not try and
stop me
mrs. GU be realized Brandi Arne sorry
sir we're not open yet another 5 News.
I presumed guilty it is quite
unnecessary for me to advise you that I
will allow an open association between
your son and my daughter oh yes you will
I know something about you what do you
ever heard of a village called opt slip
no never
it's just outside locks bottom isn't it
huh I don't know oh yes you do there was
a post of it ups there wasn't that where
you used to go and fill your fountain
pin as you lead the innocent girl behind
that counter.
Oh monstrous her name was Audrey.
Kotaku and a few months after you cycled
away smilingly twirling your mustache a
little baby boy arrived to look
disgusting like you no no yes oh yes
that's why you're not stop this wedding
big toe you see unless you give your
consent I'll tell all your colleagues in
the temple that you're an illegitimate
father your granny
oh yeah what are you doing yeah I talked
to a countess oh did you dear
what's the matter with you viewers why
to the sheet oh just business what is
the other at all
nothing your ear hello Leah no I'm all
right fight fight all right but I'll
just get along to be honest
mr. Gilby won't be a moment
before thank you not at all mrs. Kirby
isn't anywhere about is she no sir we
don't know where mrs. Gilby is you were
you don't think anything's happened do
you well I asked mr. Gilby there he said
he was no good counting our chickens
before they were hatched Oh Big Joe you
looking very happy
you'll be I've got to speak to you where
is Audrey cuttle my last report
no Katie Jarrett Norwood what to see you.
Ord on earth am I going to do don't keep
talking about doing things you've done
enough already
if my wife finds out I'm finished I am
you ever told her about your adolescent.
Wild Oats no I have not and I'd rather
you didn't express that term in the
plural Audrey was the only oat it exists
for harvest oh why didn't she get in
touch with me she might have known that
I wouldn't shut my duty how how did you
get to hear of it I have my little
contacts oh that she should turn up
after all this time oh how is it going
to end Gilby how is he going to end you
haven't told me how it started yet come
on come on tell daddy it must have been
25 years ago I believe it was on a
Thursday what are you referring to the
day I first met miss cuttle oh we don't
want be your first mentor let's start
way got to know her better she was such
a sweet little note of mr. I used to
call her jib sail well she's so revered
in trees and woods and things she knew
all the names of the birds and the
flowers she could even light a fire
without matches
sir it appears she was born for the
fields in the open air oh they shouldn't
have confined her in a post office I'll
bet he passed away a dollar or so ha ha
What did she call you I'd rather not say
come on come on no come on what did he
call you pixie
you la pa / oh why did they had that
early closing day why what happened you
take her for a walk
yes did you keep on walking no no we
stopped to gather some primroses I
remember she picked almost twice as many
as I did yes but she had a mind of what
she was doing
oh it was such a lovely day oh hang it
don't blame the weather for it
it did contribute when the Sun is high
in the blood is hot and the bees dance a
happy pan Kengo Nature herself seems to
smile on impulse and I was such a
carefree young rip in those days well
he's in sound too old-fashioned now did
your wife know that bit about the bees.
Fandango no no no I kept all that side
of me hidden from her Oh kill me you
don't know how I've suffered for 25
years I've lived with remorse or to
price to pay for the frailty of one
fleeting moment wouldn't talk like that
another butterfly do you think I should
get in touch with her or just let the
thing life hello Oh phase out of your
control you're getting in touch with you
what yeah she's calling you this
Oh gypsies going to tell your fortune or
you craft a cunning cared you arranged
all this every single move of it then
let me tell you something I won't give
my consent I'll fight you to the nail
pressure I may give way too but that
will never it'll get into the paper you
know imagine the headline gypsy jilted
or passion in the post-ops ooh I'd
better join the Foreign Legion
alternatively you can make two young
people happy hang it man they only want
to marry who should be the first to
smile at that word oh very well
you give your consent I've no
alternatives blended on one condition
that you help me to eliminate Audrey oh
that's easier no to deal with her.
Proudfoot don't just like me because I'm
in the Greyhound business I'm giving it
up oh thank heaven are you really I'm
gonna be a bookmaker
there's a mr. Sampson to see you see
Samson Samson Samson Gloria's husband
see what don't need him in term I'm out
he's already insisting Jim is it
what contender we private cliff you're
wishing oh no no no we don't in rough
stuff all right I'll see him in a minute
this needs diplomacy now does he look at
you sure have to get better without
these yes that's better but Samson won't
believe I'm you why shouldn't he never
mr. Sampson sir
you are mr. ghibli yes yes I suppose so
oh won't you sit down now sir hi in the
main of the world and we have give me
very good proof that you are
I take
you to a fall in love with my wife
well floor there's a very charming woman
but I'm not as young as I used to be
ain't she thinking of nothing but
dancing dancing sometime I don't know if
I'm jitterbugging or can't fight oh sit
it's the given a Jew lover you can live
there it'll be matter of a quick divorce
can't we come to some little arrangement
over my dead body
who are you if you must know I am.
Gregory Russel KCMG er PMPA ye legal
adviser to mr. Gilby a very great friend
of all the divorce court judges no no
you can't do this
give me his parents surprise that by
willingness to undertake so trivial a
case I would like to inform him that I
am learning myself for the sake of his
wife fight him apart um from Nikhil
unzip seorim say trainer Sarah
we-we've john henry samson on behalf of
my client alfred Cornelius Gill Bay from.
Iceland henceforth referred to as mr. X
I feel it my duty to inform you that I
have overheard every word was passed
between you hey I have the right to
object to his philandering with my wife
objection overruled
you have been condoning conspiring and
contenting not only have you created a
nuisance you have blatantly attempted to
hawk your conjugal rights in brief you
have completely nullified your
affidavits and I intend to take action
against you for an infringement of the
laws governing innocent misconduct have
no official saw him for something please
yeah horses because he runners and
riders at Epsom ah
sheep stealing writing on walls ringing
on doorbells running away
but I'm here ah accessory to breach a
domestic copyright fifteen years
no no no quiet you little head of a
light don't jump shit down your back in
a moment mr. Prosser if a thousand pound
would help I think I catch that I mean
if two thousand pound did we try again
no no no you've done enough already
mr. Samson if out of misguided respect
your ancient lights I agree not to press
discharge do you solemnly undertake to
leave mr. Gilby ex post effect oh yeah
and it all matters appertaining to your
wife you will behave modo prescriptive
in mystics in Athens with no change.
Exodus you go thank you may I go now you
good babe what have you done made eleven
turns den play of tanks all monstrous
I'll probably put my spectacles please
thank you what's gonna happen if Samsung
makes inquiries fossil may get six years
one about other way anyway
everything's working out splendidly or
meat or dairy cattle is faulty
well sharing the sitting-room Charles
very good to Dubi Dubi you've got to
help me if you swear on your oath you'll
never revoke your consent to the
marriage I swear it I do what I can
wait wait wait perhaps perhaps I'd
better see it alone first she might
forgive me if I wheedle her alright
don't you start anything if she starts
to get difficult you give me a shot
oh I'm cool to see mr. Gilby when you
tell him I'm here please
surely surely you're not weak at all I
certainly a.m. who are you I'm humphrey.
oh well ridiculous you can't they even
well I should know oh you had changed
well sir of you you're sure you're not
your mother
pixee don't be on car this just isn't
true I I remember you was something
something quite different
really 25 years ago oh yes yes of course
aren't you going to ask me to sit down
oh yes yes I think about night I was
thinking of something else
oh don't start that all over again
please have you still got your popsicle
no no no I gave that away some time ago
the chain broke
oh how you you still have freewheeling
down those hills you did live
dangerously didn't you oh that was just
the bravado of you hye-young how the
years slip by after 40 yeah you haven't
got much hair left have you was that
true worrying about me yes yes I did
worry quite a bit yes I can see it no no
you can't I pulled it down aren't you
gonna kiss me Oh steady Audrey I I met
it now you know my wife would never
forgive me Oh what's he got to do with
her I bet you know because she did takes
a piss chips eh oh very well
just one quickly but do realise it's
gotta last you
if lost your fire it didn't use to be so
stingy oh do stop this hanky-panky
Audrey we have grown up people no yes
think something else is growing up as
Oh what does one say what does one say
well hang it you might at least say
thank you have you a certificate of his
birth yes I have I thought you might
want to see it there it is in black on
white why why did you call him Willy
well that's what I kept whispering from
ourselves when you went away Willy come
back I jolly well think it's time you
did something about it
oh I'm only too anxious to do all in my
power well how much are you willing to
go to you mean money I do Oh this is
disgraceful what about your behavior
you can't fight fast and loose with a
gun and not expect to pay for it in some
I'm sorry pixie but this is most
unsatisfactory I still have to speak to
mrs. Proudfoot don't know a thousand
times no where is she merciful
magistrate what are you up to now did
somebody call me how are you hi mrs.
Bradford - utterly charmed to meet Jo I
found this rather embarrassing Oh
nonsense my dear nonsense as I told
Humphrey when we went to his old school
a murder to delight you to beat any of
his old mr. Says you're a very big woman
aren't you
ooh small outsized uh ah I believe they
have a 15 oh goody goody goody won't you
sit down yeah I'm free oh do me get up
at home you'll find a chair quite comfy
well that'd be all sir sir a peach site.
Charles what are you staring it I beg
your pardon miss miss madam that's
better I don't know what's the matter
with Charlie I do hope he hasn't been
taking my Benzedrine
well now who's busy mother were you
after all it's your turn all very well
do let's get it over I never touched a
pencil and you in the Civil Service will
you have a little top I use the web with
the greatest respect
pixi does your wife know about us yes
no that is I'm not at all certain thank
you ducky foxy little fellow isn't it of
course my dear I've known about it for
well what you gonna do about it after
all I've got Willa to think of would you
consider it divorce
no no never younggu no we couldn't do
that you see I've already condoned
hamsters let's add locks but you haven't
give me the sugar duck here what are you
you seem to be enjoying this fix it I've
told you never to snap it me go and sit
down with RJ oh oh you were a very
dominating woman aren't you
I bet you wear the trousers on and off
dear off and on this is perfect don't
you think I'm entitled to a substantial
sum of money well how much do you
suggest well I'll settle the whole thing
for two hundred pounds are you are you
willing to put that in writing or Drake
yes certainly.
Oh spend it but I I'll give you the
money tomorrow morning oh very well but
in the meantime perhaps you'll let me
have that birth certificate back no no
no I'm holding on to that if you don't
I'll do it get object most strongly
listen I'm your wife but I still love
you Piru struggling that woman I don't
know how long have you known her for
years I mean I just met her what is her
right again I can't forget I know I'm
free just put yourself in my place for a
moment leave for the office suddenly I
find you back at that studying a law
book and making notes about children who
no legal parents I was only interested
why I don't know oh you must know by
unfair what do you expect me to think
what happens off you go to the office
for a second time then I find you in the
gilded bed rolling on the floor with.
Humphrey who was that woman who rushing
Humphrey Humphrey who was that woman
I'm saying who was that woman
right Charles Charles I must see mr.
Gilby we're all funny for you sir it's
really urgent thank you you're welcome
you won't have to wait this is go be
with you oh no sir mrs. Gill be sleeping
in one of the spare rooms what's all the
trouble what's going on what is it
oh you is it hope you've no idea what
I've been through my wife's been
cross-examining me ever since you found
your little Audrey hey how did you know
ha ha ha you make me laugh
you're only a beginner the game can
never drink did you have trouble with
your wife nothing the trouble I had with
a man on a matter of I have a drink oh
no not for me it's too late I mean it's
too early or make your mind up what is
the time 2:25 a.m. plus three minutes
precisely are in the gray you already
know something no it's not for me
come on come on dear you good no
definitely no you know order to keep the
cold out no we're practically out of
just one more the swinging doors I don't
find the fight when you when you add
some soda please oh yeah what's the time
now I couldn't care less you'll doubt it.
I want to tell you something well I
believe I like you thank you very much
so I can you something - yes please
I like you
and don't forget muscle the number of
that birth certificate is lb four seven
six five five eight we got that yes I've
got it mr. power foot but it'll mean
leaving the office empty for some
considerable time
well what about mrs. Gorman anywhere
else are our beetle off to Somerset.
House of watts off you go then
and win me as soon as you have any news
oh hello Jerry daddy are you all right.
Oh splendid thank you dear what's mommy
doing leaving what she's packing her bag
she's going to stay down she journey Oh
impossible why Jenni's husband is a
mission ray he's going to Hollywood in
October mommy fish might go with him Oh
daddy please tell me what's been
happening the contest I leave you like
this I can only ask you both to trust me
hello sweetie I've looked up a train we
can catch shouldn't you be at the office.
Hey yes it's nearly eleven o'clock
I'm mrs. Gorman stripping cap case at
10:30 I couldn't until tomorrow we are
serious I suppose so
it's been ripping for over two years
what have you got there formulary 279
for I think we'd better have your
consent in writing before you change
your mind.
Oh buddy well it's new you spread birth
parents had to sign that form mother
absolutely refuses until daddy puts his
cards on the table Jenny I thought I
told you not to come to this yes mummy
are you going to sign your consent or
not I did I knew whether your father's
more alive croak has been influenced
Spanish to give me I am NOT that uses no
alternative not at all hey J don't
appeal for legal permission don't do
that I beg you
this is all your fault hunter powerful
if anything else the cherry I shall
never forgive you I shall leave you oh
the agony of mind and soul I'm nothing
but a psychological arm Sally what's the
matter what's the trouble
my wife's freaking TV cellies kicked
over the traces Audrey scoring here at
anymore what did I I haven't got out 200
pounds oh go and kick it oh come on come
on don't stand like a big baby
go and get it this will shake the bank
99 200 good right are we ready for.
Audrey here but Gibby what's gonna
happen if your wife walks in I'm happy
to advise you she isn't here Charles and
I have searched the fat and she's
well aren't you gonna look for her not
unlikely but she may have flung herself
into the Thames sure do you automaking
parties to go to that but you turns over
the Thames is off the French coast by
now have you got with his birth
certificate yes yes yes here it is sure
how do we know there's in the phone Nick
that's just the point we don't but just
to make sure I feel young trust all this
morning gave me the full particulars of
the entry and asked him to check it at.
Somerset House huh this maybe you know
hello hello yes yes yes Russell mr.
brown foot speaking.
Oh splendid fellow it was and it wasn't
all three hearty Cheers
it did and it didn't Oh Bravo yes yes -
no no don't.
Oh magnificent frost on fossil heaven
patient my boy
goodbye heard some silly conversations
give me the bad Vaudrey cattles child
has not been registered at Somerset.
House amici the phony I'm not sure but
she may be oh if only she is we must
investigate your Audrey can you remember
anything distinctive about her
I mean before she went to seed yes one
evening in the village all adopts Li we
attended a rebel Audrey was too bad she
stood out from all the others like a
ballet dancer
suddenly perhaps because she was in love
with me Audrey surrendered herself to
the vilest abandoned
it was saying that I noticed that she
had not these that's no good if we can't
go wandering about listening for things
like that can't think of anything else
only that's used to react rather
strangely whenever I sang to her yeah
well that's just ordinary nausea what do
you sing and when I tell them how
beautiful you are
who but I couldn't stand there now
there's nothing for it I left the hole
during conversation while you
investigate her knees absolutely out of
the question if you'll just sit beside
her on the city I won't sit beside her
well aren't you glad to introduce me
alright think about this uh this is mr.
Sampson yes that's right mr. Sampson
he's my financial adviser
yes that's like my financial adviser
it's a foul put it register does my bank
you see he pays in and I pay out
sometimes it's quite touch-and-go
have you got the money yes yes all you
might it'll purse what are you keeping
your hat on for ah that's an old coots
custom I believe I've seen your face
before oh don't say it like that I was
hanging on the wall somewhere let's sit
down yeah we it'd be nice and comfy how
is it you all right miss couple Carmel.
ROG it's a bit of a squash isn't it.
Pixies oh I'm sorry just as typically
and wait the mani ah here we are just a
taster ready money's elusive you know my
vaults are full of nothing but post-war
credits all right yes of course I am
you said something comical made me laugh
oh if it was I thought you're gonna take
off do you know something I believe
you're a funny man yeah I find you
amusing as well to me you're just a
little miss workers playtime are you
gonna give me the rest of the cash I'm
not altogether satisfied miss cuttle if
our son really does exist why was his
birth not registered at Somerset House
did you look in your favorite book
what book this secret bulk
the out of wedlock registrations are
kept in a special department you know
you have to get special permission to
look at those records did you get
special permission no miss cuttle I'll
give you a hundred pounds to let me look
at your knees what do you take me for us
well fifty pounds for people in a minute
and Mark is going to be the explanation
this time oh they were practicing the
Charleston I don't want any Felicia
marks from you if you'll excuse me y'all
go no just my dress it's no thanks to
you I'll still got one on Humphrey I'm
going to fix the police hello Caroline
oh it's no use trying to hide it any
longer that woman you saw just now is a
piece of my power set for long long
before I met you a forgotten page in the
book of my life on which I wrote
farewell to happiness now tell her about
the PostScript yes heaven and earth
forgive me she says I'm the father of
her child how old is the baby
twenty-five has she any proof which are
the father not unless she has not please
oh I didn't you knows you're talking
about I shall speak to this woman myself
oh no Caroline don't annoy her oh oh
kill me this is just the whole thing
leave him to it let's go down have a
drink no no no I'm gonna stay here and
see through to the bitter end
all right ed I'm by myself we didn't
make it a celebration just for five
quick friends we go back and see how
they're getting on
where the heck have you been I've been
shopping this happens to be real mink I
don't kid you to play the fool with me
I'll forgive me
I've spent 2,000148 pounds and what's
more I ran it Silas ate Broomfield he's
going to revive the maid of the
mountains and spermy what is one of the
mountain an actress but Jenny's mother
in law not as long as I live.
Oh lady don't go back to the stage if
your son say don't go back to the stage.
let's back up and go away somewhere do
you mean another honeymoon all right
it'll keep you away from the greasepaint
oh my don't pack my things
I might have a nervous breakdown or
Oh yogi what I'm not staying here to be
cross-examined I'll give it to the
people who know what we peace if one
whisper which is no temple I'm doing
then tell me to keep silent oh oh excuse
me I went back to Somerset I also made a
much more important discovery look miss.
Walter a couple who used to live it
obviously passed away 20 years ago Oh
heaven be praised
I mean poor soul I'm sorry then this
woman is an imposter and there isn't
anybody know oh dear I better tell the
truth you certainly had while I'm Emily
peeps the sister of your divorce case
I taught him yes it was him that put me
up to it what are you talk too much
about Miss Audrey comedy conduces the
temptation so he brought me up at all
particulars and sent you know that
oh what a merciful release much better
send for the police
no no no Russell no take her along to
the office and check that story with our
brother I've seen them both a table
really fuck it's a fasting upstairs
again and this yes with shoulder square
and chins high
I'm willing to forget all about it
Humphrey after all the the real orgy was
many years ago and before we were
married but I feel so worried about
chilly she'll be all right here why when
I was a young girl pete's sake lid don't
going to that look Kelly darling our
layer six to four she's all right Oh as
it was urgent I read it sir
Caroline listen to this we are catching
the 2:30 train from Waterloo when hope
you will forgive us we are making four.
Souls play because in the book you gave
me for Christmas
ancient religions and rights it says
that if a boy and a girl walk three
times at sunset in the hay
look you oh hell look you've done you've
broken it whole thing upon don't keep
tracing older baton you done enough
damage already
hey I see what happens we press this one
oh don't press that we've got to see the
frame or something but I don't half an
hour my Sweden of being Salisbury what's
the matter don't go to Stonehenge I
would hate it sweaty right then we go
back we can sort of that.
Oh Caroline Oh
that's for being a darling I didn't
really want to go to Stonehenge um okay
persuading any sort of wedding or do
Shitty oh my darling you've come through
country she's come home cherry jelly
before I you do the Welcome I long to
give you tell me one thing are you a
druid no daddy not yet oh please baby oh
my baby
comfy but heavy sake sign that form what
form Oh what I I haven't got a page will
make a mark or anything only do
something now well I
oh thank you thank you very much it was
I doubt it anything wrong
not a thing I just wanted to see you the
weather people in Trenton I'm saying
you think the other people in Paris were
no we're just man well how could the
other they're still on their way from
church now I was just wondering which of
our fathers will dominate the earth yes
one coming through with the right one on
the rails it's charcoal 50 yards to go
nice level 25 yards and charcoals got
his head in front charcoals winning it
and at the post it's charcoal in the
winner and they had second and play by
third that's done it
charcoal the famous why did he have to
win I told you about a key to meet Chuck
repents that puts an end to this firm
who asked you shut up all of you how
much we lost it
42,000 why must I have a bunch of
nitwits around me I can't even go
anybody well miss I do everything myself
you guarantee care stop dignity it's an
office not a cafe.
Chako on it we've done a packet for
2,000 quid we're finished all our we're
not go babe
I laid all the taco vets off this
morning you did let us stir good genius
nonsense Audrey common sense it only to
let you be a good sir