Open Marriage (2017) Movie Script

Damn it.
Here, let me do that.
No, I'll fix it.
You'll just re-injure your back
and we'll be screwed
for another year.
Becca, I told you, I'll do it.
The doctor said I'm good
to go back to work.
It's about time.
Your workers' comp.
Ran out two months ago.
Babe, you need to relax
about all this stuff.
I told you, it's gonna be okay.
And we can start trying
again to get pregnant.
It's gonna happen.
That's my girl.
there's no time like the present
to start trying again.
There's no time, period.
I have to go to work.
I hate to burst your bubble,
but this whole
infertility thing,
it might not be me.
I know, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get checked out.
You said that before.
I mean it this time.
I am.
Oh, don't forget, we got to go
to Max and Mindy's tomorrow.
Okay, I'm going to work.
Love you too.
I swear,
I still need a G.P.S.
to make my way
around this place.
See? I told you, darling.
The guests should
use the maid's bathroom.
It's so much closer.
Have our guests use
the help's bathroom?
No, not in my house.
Our house, darling.
It's our house.
See, honey? Now you've
started an argument.
Mindy and I don't argue... ever.
You know, that's actually true.
You don't argue?
No way.
Every couple argues.
I hate to be blunt,
but it's because we're rich.
That's so gauche.
He's become so obnoxious lately,
ever since he closed that
real-estate deal on Rodeo Drive.
Oh, he's been doing that
ever since our fraternity days.
He's humble bragging.
Look, all I'm saying
is that, statistically,
the number one thing
couples argue about
the most is money,
or the lack thereof.
So if you take
that off the table,
what else is there
to argue about?
Like I said before, Ron,
if you ever need a little help,
all you have to do is ask.
And like I said before,
don't be ridiculous.
You know, all I need
is one big construction job
and we'll be flush again.
And once he's done
redoing the loft,
we're gonna
flip it for a fortune.
So don't you worry.
We'll be fine.
Mindy, I really like
your new hair.
Oh, thanks.
You know, it is so
true what they say,
blondes have way more fun.
Hope our husbands
don't get us confused.
Speaking of which...
how's your sex life these days?
Uh, it's... it's... it's great.
Yeah, no complaints.
Yeah, couldn't be better.
That's what you think.
So being rich gives you
guys better sex too?
Come on, guys.
Yeah, what's with you two today?
Well, actually,
that's the point.
You see, it's not just us two.
What's not just us two?
Yeah, what are
you talking about?
Mindy and I have been
on an extraordinary adventure.
We've... opened our marriage.
It's a whole new glorious world.
Wait, so... so you guys are
having sex with other people?
Yes, we are.
Isn't that dangerous?
Like playing with fire?
Mm, it is, but playing with
fire is what makes it so hot.
Until you get burned.
That's where
the rules come in, sweetie.
We have our limits.
I mean, I never thought
I would ever do this.
I'm the one that demanded a
cheating clause in our prenup.
Which was
completely unnecessary.
But as long as you
follow the rules that you make,
nobody gets hurt.
Yeah, like what?
Like, for example,
our number one rule is...
No extracurricular activities
without the other person.
And practice safe sex,
of course?
Of course.
Of course, of course.
You know what,
it's getting really late.
I think we should get going.
Suit yourself.
I just have a really
early morning tomorrow.
Yeah, we'll, uh, we'll continue
this discussion another time.
Hope we didn't scare you off.
So what'd you think?
You go first.
Morning, babe.
So Mindy was in
rare form last night.
Were you as surprised as I was
about their
extracurricular activities?
Yeah, completely. I didn't
think they were that type.
Are we?
Are we what?
The type?
I mean...
I don't...
I... I just...
Come on, be honest.
You clearly
got excited about the idea.
Well, you were
obviously excited yourself.
'Cause it was
hot to think about.
But I don't know
if I could actually do it.
I mean, I would never do
anything you didn't want to do.
You know I would
never do anything to hurt you.
I know.
I mean, maybe it would
be a welcome distraction.
You know, stuff.
Stuff's been
pretty rough lately.
it would be entirely up to you.
So, if it doesn't go right,
then it's all on me.
Yeah, I mean I wasn't
seriously considering it.
Yeah, right.
I don't know if you noticed,
but I finally finished
stripping the paint off
the brick yesterday.
Are we still scheduled
to move out in March?
Probably more like May or June.
It's a better time
to flip properties then anyway.
I know it's no big deal to you,
but I'm having a harder time
with this uncertainty.
You mean about money coming in?
That's part of it.
Please, babe, don't rub it in.
I feel guilty enough that you have to
work double shifts at the hospital.
Ron, look at me.
It's my turn
to be the breadwinner.
I'm okay with that.
Than what is it?
Someday I'd like to feel
like our home is our home,
and if we're ever able
to start a family,
I don't want to be so transient.
I'm sorry, honey.
Maybe Max and Mindy
have the right idea.
About open relationships?
No, about money solving stuff.
Oh, that.
I see what you mean.
All right, I got to get to work.
Wait a minute.
Last night was the first time that
you and Ron had sex in three months?
I thought you two
were trying to have a baby,
a lot, like bunnies.
We are.
Well, we were.
I guess we are again.
Okay, well, that's good,
but why the sudden change?
I don't know.
Come on, spill it.
Okay, so last night,
we went up to our
rich friend's house in Malibu,
and they suggested that
we... try opening...
A lemonade stand?
Okay, that Ron and I
try opening up our marriage.
This just got interesting.
You know,
to like spice things up.
So you two had a four-way
with Max and Mindy last night.
We just talked about it.
I believe you.
Then what happened?
Then I guess the conversation
just got Ron and I
a little frisky.
And when we got home,
you know, things just...
kinda happened.
So, you were
turned on by the idea?
I never thought
I'd say this, but...
And if I'm being
completely honest,
I'm kind of intrigued.
And so was Ron?
Well, yeah, he's a guy.
Trust me, I remember.
So... what do you think?
Well, in gay-land,
open relationships
are pretty normal...
unless you're ugly, in which case,
nobody wants to have sex with you.
Tough crowd.
But seriously, between two men,
we, you know, we get it.
Get what?
That love and lust
are two different things.
Sex is sex.
I'd feel threatened
if I watched Ron
have sex with another woman.
A loving, trusting relationship
doesn't have
to feel threatened by...
opening things up.
In fact, it can strengthen it.
Well, by experiencing
something exciting together,
as a team.
But now that you're married,
it's different right?
Not at all.
Gary and I have
an open marriage.
You do?!
And you may want
to close your mouth
before a fly lands in there.
You never told me that.
You never asked.
You guys just seem so happy
and so committed.
That's the point.
We are.
And you never get jealous?
Not at all.
What you need to do is have a
conversation with the rich wife.
You need to have a one-on-one
with her woman to woman.
Make sure that you two
are on the same page.
So come on.
Spit it out.
Your lunch break isn't long
enough to beat around the bush.
Okay, so I wanted
to talk to you about the...
Our salacious proposition
for you and your hot,
juicy slab of a husband?
The whole idea just seems so...
And, I mean, I wasn't a prude
before I married Ron,
or anything.
Hmm... a little bit
of a late bloomer,
but you made up for lost time.
Yeah, well, Ron is
definitely open to it.
Though, he's trying to hide
how open to it he is.
I know how it goes.
Trust me.
When Max first suggested it,
I almost slugged him.
Slugged him?
I thought you don't fight.
We don't.
I just hit him sometimes,
but I don't leave a mark.
I'm kidding!
What is up with you today?
Didn't you worry
when he brought it up?
Didn't... didn't it
make you feel insecure?
First, I don't do insecure,
and second, neither one of us
would ever dream of cheating.
Why is that?
Because of our prenup, silly.
If I get caught cheating,
I get kicked to the curb
with nothing.
And if he gets caught cheating,
I take him to the cleaners.
So, an open marriage
is not considered cheating?
Our arrangement
is that we experience
everything together.
So, there's no cheating,
there's no lying.
There's no secrecy.
I don't know. I just don't know
if Ron and I's relationship
is on solid enough
ground right now.
I'd be afraid it would
drive us further apart.
What's going on with you two?
This past year has just been
a perfect storm of problems.
I didn't want to tell you this
'cause I didn't
want you to worry,
but just last year,
Max and I were
headed for divorce.
You covered it well.
I'm good at that.
Anyway, we decided to try
this whole open relationship,
and the most amazing
thing happened.
It rekindled the spark
that had gone from our marriage.
We're happier now
than we've ever been.
No pressure,
but I hope you give this
some serious thought.
It worked for us,
and it just might work
for the two of you.
I consider you my best friend.
I didn't know
you thought so highly of me.
I'm... I'm honored.
My fertility test came back.
Oh? And?
The doctor says I have a 1%
chance of having children.
I'm sorry to hear it, pal.
Are you okay?
At least I know now
what it's like
to be part of the 1%.
Very funny.
How's Becca taking it?
I haven't told her.
Why not?
Just don't say
anything, all right?
Especially to Mindy.
I don't think I can handle
telling Becca one more
piece of bad news right now.
She deserves to know.
I'm gonna tell her...
when I get a construction job.
At least then she'll see me
as successful at something.
Come on, you're being
too hard on yourself.
No, I'm not. Man, she could
decide to leave me over this.
That's crazy talk.
You two are
the happiest couple I know.
Not lately.
We had sex for the first time
in months the other night.
The night you...
You and Mindy told us about
that whole open marriage thing.
Our little conversation
got you two
all hot and bothered?
I guess it kind of did.
I don't think we're ready
to go through with it, though.
Don't knock it.
This open relationship
has brought me and Mindy closer.
What about us, Max?
Our friendship,
what would it do to us?
It's just sex.
Trust me.
As long as everyone's
on the same page...
no one gets hurt.
No one gets hurt.
You got me feelin' fine
Got me feelin' fine
I'm gonna lose my mind
Hey, you got me feelin' fine
Hey, yeah, yeah
Come on, come on
That's my ding.
I know your ding, honey.
My, my, we're popular.
That's a first.
Who's it from?
I got one from Max.
Let me guess,
"Sleepover this Saturday"?
That's it exactly.
So what do you say?
I don't know.
What do you say?
Are you sure about this?
I'm sure I want to try it.
Yeah, I know you do,
you naughty girl.
Remember the rules.
Yeah, of course.
Number one, we do nothing
without each other,
and, number two,
if one of us wants to stop,
we both stop,
no questions asked.
This painting,
it's new, isn't it?
Yes. Good eye.
We acquired that
at an auction
in Paris last year.
I think it's hideous,
but Max likes it,
so what do I know?
I'm not an art critic.
what do you think?
Well, the colors are nice,
but it's not really...
Not really my style.
See, Max? Ron agrees.
So, Becca...
not to put you
on the spot or anything,
but whose side are you on?
Well, I like it.
It's striking,
and it commands your attention.
I couldn't agree more.
Wrap my legs around you
And you feel me
holding you tight
Lost in sight
My heavy breath
I dare you
to speak of her
Victim of seduction
Prisoner in my world
Just one glance
In this devil's eyes
I dare you to speak of her
So what?
What do you mean "so what"?
We haven't even talked
about last night yet.
What's there to talk about?
I know, I, uh...
I don't know what to say?
It brought up
a lot of mixed emotions.
Yeah, I understand.
We don't have to do it again.
No, that's...
not what I'm saying.
Was it what you thought
it was gonna be?
Did you ever see yourself
doing what we did?
I mean, I thought about it
in a fantasy kind of way
'cause I'm a guy.
I mean, the fantasy
was a little different.
More women, less Max.
How do you feel about it?
You promise you won't get mad?
I thought it was really hot,
and I can tell you did too.
I did...
but that's not the point.
What's the point?
I don't know.
I'm just being a hypocrite.
I enjoyed it and you enjoyed it.
So, we're good?
We're good.
Listen, there's
something I have to tell you.
I don't want to jinx it,
but I just put in a bid
for a big construction job,
a community center that's
being commissioned by the mayor.
That's good.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah, I don't want
to get my hopes up too high,
but I think I have
a real shot at this.
That's great, sweetheart.
Things are finally looking up.
Guess what I got.
Text from Max?
Same here from Mindy.
So what do you think?
The alley door behind Crowley's?
They've certainly
got my curiosity up.
Glad you decided to show.
Are you ready?
So what is this place?
Open for Bizness.
It's an underground club.
Mindy found it.
There's this app called Caligula
that shows
all the nearest hot spots
for open-minded people like us.
I wasn't expecting
to do this with total strangers.
Stop worrying.
You can just watch, no pressure.
I am Vulnavia,
and we only have
three rules here.
Number one, anything...
And I mean anything... goes.
Number two,
if anything doesn't go,
well, tonight's safe word
is "suspenders."
And number three, have fun.
Now down the hall
and to your left,
is "Pandora's Labyrinth,"
but you know what?
I don't think your friends
are ready for that yet.
And this...
is the "Meet & Greet Suite."
So you know what?
Why don't you, uh, meet...
and greet.
So what's your pleasure?
Sex on the Beach?
Or would you like
a cocktail first?
That's a good one.
Why thank you, baby.
Stick around.
I got a million of 'em.
I'm not drinking tonight.
In a place like this,
I don't want to dull my senses.
I'm with you.
I'm designated driver.
I guess I'll pass too.
Suit yourselves.
Galoshes anyone?
Oh, yeah, good idea.
How many of those do you
plan on using and with whom?
Honey, they're free.
I'm just playing it cool.
I don't think
I'm ready for this.
It's too much.
Yeah, no, babe, I'm with you.
Hey, hey.
Relax, we're just here to watch.
You know, prime the pump.
This is just foreplay for our...
Let's go.
It's so small.
Oh, yeah,
it's kind of a tight fit.
That's the idea.
So, who wants to go first?
What is it, sexy?
Where's Max and Becca?
Here, come on.
Isn't rule number one that we're
all supposed to be together?
We are all together...
in this club.
Sorry, guys.
The chair we got stuck with
was giving me a back ache.
We just went to go find
something more comfortable.
That's it.
Anyway, it's getting late.
Let's get dressed.
You enjoyed yourself last night.
Wasn't that the point?
I guess.
I mean, yeah, it was.
You certainly seemed
to be having a good time.
Oh, I did.
Then what's wrong?
What is it?
It's just that...
Never mind.
Oh, my...
Look, I'm sorry.
Max has a bad back
and I was just looking out
for his condition.
Well, Max's bad back
doesn't stop him
from earning millions.
I didn't mean
to compare the two.
I think we should stop.
What do you mean "really"?
You're not being fair.
You were in absolute heaven.
You're right.
I was.
But it's off.
Clearly, we can't handle this.
If I don't lose five pounds
by November,
I'm not going to be able to fit
in the Badgley Mischka
that Max got me
for my birthday party.
What are you talking about?
You don't need
to lose one ounce.
That's why I love you.
Oh, that reminds me.
A little gift from me
for no other reason
than everyone deserves a little
surprise every now and then.
It's yours.
Shoot, you don't like it?
No, I like it.
I mean, I love it.
Good. I'm delighted.
I need to talk to you
about something.
I'm listening.
We're calling
the whole open thing off.
Why is that?
It just got too... complicated.
Seems pretty simple to me.
What do you mean?
You're afraid.
Afraid of what?
I don't know.
You tell me.
I'm not afraid.
Yes, you are.
Of what?
Of breaking out of your shell,
shaking things up a bit.
I know.
It's not me.
Ron's actually the one
who called it off,
and if one of us wants to stop,
we both stop,
no questions asked.
He'll come around.
Don't worry.
Oh... Yes!
Oh! Oh, my god!
Oh f... Yes! Yeah!
Oh, great!
Hey, babe, what's up?
Hey, so it turns out I'm gonna
be working late-shift tonight,
covering for Dylan.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'm just here
watching the game.
You want me to
save you some pizza?
No, I'm gonna
be here till midnight.
Uh, yeah, I'll
probably be asleep by then.
No worries, don't wait up.
Oh, wait, babe! Baby, I got to go!
They're about to score!
Come on! Come on!
Yeah, I love you too.
You are a goddess!
Glad I can help.
Thank you.
I thank you.
My husband thanks you.
But most of all...
Lady Gaga thanks you.
Yes, because
she just couldn't go on
if you and Gary weren't
there for moral support
from the nosebleed seats.
First mezzanine!
Get out of here
before I change my mind.
"Tonight's password...
You're just gonna watch.
There's no harm in watching.
It's, uh, Romeo.
Welcome back, baby.
And an H-2-0 for Romeo.
Thanks, Vulnavia.
Hey, you're welcome.
Can I get you anything else?
No, no.
Hi, I'm Angelique.
And you are?
Um, I'm Ron.
You are just...
I... I can't.
You can't what?
I... I can't do this.
Then why are you here?
My wife, she, uh...
What about her?
She doesn't know I'm here.
Well, I won't tell her
if you won't.
What's the matter?
Your back?
No, I... I got to
tell you something.
What is it?
Well, I went to the fertility
clinic and I got tested.
And I'm the reason
you can't get pregnant.
They said there's
only a 1% chance.
I'm sorry, Ron.
I really am.
But how long
have you known this?
A couple of weeks.
Wait, you've known this
a couple of weeks,
and you didn't tell me?
I'm sorry, I know.
I wanted to tell you.
It just never seemed
like it was the right time.
So every morning for two weeks,
you silently watched me
take those fertility supplements
as if it was my fault?
I knew you'd be upset.
You know...
Of course I'm upset!
I thought we were
in this together!
I cannot believe
you didn't tell me
something this important.
I'm sorry. I should have told
you as soon as I found out.
Yeah, you should have!
Can you just forgive me?
Give me the keys.
Becca, I'll drive.
I don't want
to be with you right now.
Give me the keys.
How am I supposed to get back?
Feeling all alone
Something's never right
Trying to find my home
Wondering if I'm right
Sitting here alone
Confused with what I find
I tried to let you know
I was never fine
People are alone
because they can't see
It takes two...
Of a luxury
I can do this on my own
'cause then I'll be
Just like everybody else
alone but free
Hi, you've reached Becca's cell.
Leave a message after the beep.
We need to talk.
I don't want to talk about it.
I just want to go to bed.
Good morning.
Have you seen
an expensive black car
parked across the street lately?
I haven't noticed.
It's the second time
I've seen it
ever since
the night at the club.
Oh, babe, you're just...
You're just being paranoid.
I don't know.
This whole thing
has made me feel so...
You expecting someone?
No, but I...
I'll go see who it is.
Who are those from?
You tell me.
How sweet of Dylan.
Your coworker?
Yeah, he knows I've been under
a lot of stress lately.
Some friend.
He doesn't even know
your favorite flower.
Chrysanthemums are
my favorite flowers.
Hey, why don't you
call in sick today?
We could both
use some quality time
here at the house,
just you and me.
I don't have any sick
days left, remember?
And somebody
has to pay the bills.
Come on.
Come on.
Yes, yes, one more.
Come on!
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, take it easy, Hulk.
What's gotten into you?
You all right?
No, I'm not all right.
I don't appreciate
you sending my wife flowers.
What are you talking about?
I didn't send her flowers.
Come on, man.
It had to be you.
They arrived
at the loft this morning.
if I secretly wanted
to send your wife flowers,
why would I send
them to the loft
where you would
obviously see them?
Okay, I'm sorry.
Apology accepted, jerk.
So did Becca say
who they were from?
Her gay friend Dylan that she
works with at the hospital.
And how do you know
it wasn't him?
Because I could tell
she was lying!
At least I think she was.
So who else could it have been?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean,
she's always working late.
She's never around.
She's always out of the house.
You're being paranoid.
She's probably just
getting together with Mindy.
I don't know what
to believe any more.
What's gotten into you?
I messed up, Max.
I went to the club alone.
Open for Bizness?
I know it sounds worse
than it is.
Some girl kissed me at the bar.
I never felt so guilty.
I couldn't bear it,
so I stopped, and I left.
That's all, just kissing?
I swear,
I wouldn't lie to you, Max.
Does Becca know about this?
She wouldn't believe
it never went further.
She's already furious at me
for not telling her
about my fertility test.
So you finally told her, huh?
Yeah, and she blew up at me
for keeping her in the dark
about it for weeks.
Now is not the time
to confess going
to the club on my own.
Our marriage would be over.
Look, I'm sure
she'll forgive you...
This whole open marriage thing
was supposed to be
an escape from our problems.
I feel like all it's done
is cause more.
I hope you don't blame me.
No, of course not...
Hey, boys.
You guys are looking
all pumped up and sweaty.
You haven't been to a gym
since you were
forced to in college.
Yeah, since when
did you become a gym bunny?
Since you bought me
a Badgley Mischka
two sizes too small.
But that's not
the only reason I'm here.
Oh, what else?
What can I say?
I miss my boys...
and I really miss
our little get-togethers.
You guys have to admit
that was the hottest sex
Mindy! What's gotten into you?
Keep it down!
I know when I'm not wanted.
Have you seen Becca lately?
Not as much as I would like.
Hi, you've reached Becca's cell.
Leave a message after the beep.
Hey, babe, I'm just
calling to check in,
see how you're doing.
Don't work too hard.
Love you.
Critical Care,
how may I help you?
Hey, Dylan, it's Ron.
Oh, hi, sexy.
How's it hanging?
Uh, can I speak to Becca?
She's not here.
Well, when will she be back?
She won't.
She's not working this shift.
That's odd, she told me
she was working late.
Nope, you must have
gotten the dates mixed up.
She left three hours ago.
Hey, Dylan, did you send her
flowers this morning?
Why would I send her flowers?
Oh, never mind.
Well, I'd love to chat
the rest of the night away,
but Nurse Ratchet's giving me
the evil eye, so adios, amigo.
Okay, yeah, thanks, bye.
Welcome back, mama.
A virgin Harvey Wallbanger
A cherry to prove it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I knew you'd come.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I came here
to tell you it's over.
Just because Ron called it off?
No, because I'm calling it off.
The four of us might be off,
but not me and you.
Remember, this...
This was your idea.
This wasn't about
you and me, Max.
We don't have
to do this any more.
I'm pregnant.
That's what you wanted,
isn't it?
Yeah, of course.
But now no more.
No more lies, no more rules.
No more.
You're right.
I mean, I want you,
but... you're right.
I can't do this to Ron any more.
No, we can't.
Or Mindy.
And please,
don't send any more flowers.
I don't know how
to explain that to Ron.
What are you talking about?
I didn't send you flowers.
If you didn't send them,
then who did?
You're up.
I was worried.
Why were you worried?
I called the hospital
and you weren't there.
Are you spying on me?
Why weren't you at work?
None of your business.
I'm your husband.
You lied to me when you said
you were working late,
and the flowers
didn't come from Dylan either.
So, tell me the truth.
What's going on?
You call this nothing?
When were you gonna tell me?
I just wanted to wait and see
if there was no complications.
We've been trying for so long
that I didn't want
to get your hopes up.
So you really think
I could be the father?
Of course you're the father!
You beat the odds.
Your 1% chance came through.
But what about Max?
What about Max?
We used protection.
You know that.
That was one of
our golden rules.
So where were you?
I just wanted to be alone...
to think.
So, I went to the mall and
I looked at baby merchandise.
And the flowers?
I honestly have no idea.
A secret admirer, I guess?
Hmm, B...
Happy Birthday, Mindy.
You two look like twins.
Oh, do you need a drink?
No, I'm good.
Oh, I need a refill.
Ron, darling,
would you do the honors
and escort me to the bar?
You look beautiful tonight.
Yeah, I look exactly
like your wife.
Do you know
she gave me this dress?
Yeah, I know.
She had me buy two.
Guess now I know why.
I need to ask you something,
but only if you promise
to keep this between us.
I'm not having sex
with you again, Max,
if that's where this is going.
No, I'm worried
about Mindy, actually.
Maybe, I'm just being paranoid,
but my gut tells me she's pretty
infatuated with your husband.
She won't stop
talking about him.
News flash, she's always
had a thing for Ron
ever since college.
I know.
I'm not blind,
but it's more...
intense lately,
a lot more.
You mean since she's consummated
her friendship with Ron?
Even before that.
When you suggested
the open marriage,
it wasn't hard
for me to convince Mindy,
and I think
she welcomed any excuse
to have sex with your husband!
Well, she's not having sex
with Ron anymore.
It's over.
Mindy doesn't give up easily,
and I have a very
strong suspicion
that she's scheming a plan
to have her cake and eat it too.
What's this about cake?
I'm famished.
I haven't had a carb
in two months.
I thought you wanted to wait
until after dinner
to blow out your candles?
Well, I changed my mind.
It is a woman's prerogative
to change her mind.
Isn't it, Becca?
Let them eat cake!
So let me get this straight.
You're just assuming
Max is the father?
There's only a 1%
chance it's Ron's.
You do the math.
One percent
is still one percent.
You need to be sure.
We'll get you
a prenatal paternity test.
How can I afford that?
Insurance won't cover it.
Relax, I know a guy.
That'll do it for free?
Old boyfriend, he owes me.
Only requires
a blood draw from me?
Right, but you'll also need
a D.N.A. sample of Ron.
How am I gonna do that
without rousing suspicion?
Geez, honey.
You really need to start
watching more crime shows.
Up before me,
and making breakfast.
Yes, I'm making breakfast.
You know, that's one of the
things I love about you, babe,
how observant you are.
What's the occasion?
Does there have
to be an occasion?
Can't it just be
to remind you that I love you
and that you are the most
amazing woman in the world?
Wow, okay.
Oh, check this out.
Am I dreaming?
And guess what?
I have some really great news.
I got the job.
The community center, yeah.
Yeah, we're gonna make a fortune.
The mayor's setting up
a press conference.
My construction business
is going to skyrocket.
This is amazing.
Best of all, you don't
have to do double shifts
at the hospital anymore.
In fact, when the baby comes,
you don't have to do any shifts
at all, if you don't want
for as long as you want.
This is such good news.
Things are finally looking up.
Yeah, and guess what else?
There's more?
We're not gonna flip the loft.
We're not?
No, we don't need the money.
This place can be ours, to keep.
A real home, for us.
For our family.
You know...
I really think this whole
open relationship thing,
even though it's over,
really did help us
in a roundabout way.
Flowers again?
It better not be.
What the hell is this?
Who knows you're pregnant?
You haven't told anybody?
This is really creepy.
You know what?
You're right.
Somebody is spying on us.
The files you're looking for.
Thank you.
So did anything hair-raising
happen last night?
Mission accomplished.
Nice work, Nancy Drew.
And your blood donation.
Dracula thanks you.
And I thank you.
Anything for my B.F.F.
And whatever happens,
I'm here for you, okay?
Now, cover for me.
I'll run these over to my ex
and be back in a jiff.
Unless he wants to fool around
for old times' sake.
To Ron. No one deserves
this windfall more than you.
Here, here.
You've worked so hard for this,
I'm so proud of you.
Thanks, guys.
Now for the hard part:
Actually getting
this thing constructed
on time and on budget.
You'll kill it, pal,
I know you will.
Is this the girl
you were looking at
the first night at the club?
You care to tell me
how and when this happened?
I went back to the club.
One time.
Um, Mindy, maybe you and I
should go outside for...
You stay right here.
You went back to the club
by yourself?
I am so sorry.
Okay? But I didn't do anything.
You didn't do anything?
No, I mean,
obviously I kissed her,
but that's all!
Kissing is something.
I know, you're right.
I'm sorry.
She wanted to do more,
and I stopped.
What do you want?
A medal?
I'm sorry.
Ron, you were the one
who put a stop
to this whole open relationship.
I know!
I completely
and totally messed up.
Yes, you did.
Now what?
I'm fired.
The mayor got
the same text that we got.
That's it, I'm out.
So just like that
we're back in the poor house?
That's it! I am done!
I am sick of all the lies!
Max, do you want to tell 'em?
Becca, please, be careful
what you're about to say.
Max and I went back to
the club by ourselves
without you, Mindy,
and without you.
How does that feel?
Is this true, Max?
Oh, wait,
and that's not
even the worst part!
That's enough!
I want you and Ron
out of here now.
I thought we meant
more to each other than this.
I thought this whole
open relationship
was gonna bring us
closer together.
But I don't know you anymore!
Either one of you!
Afternoon, doll.
How was last night?
Don't ask.
Are you okay?
Well, whenever you're ready,
my shoulder's available.
Now this may not be a good time,
but the results are in
on your paternity test.
Well, I didn't peek.
That would spoil the drama.
And the winner is...
Drum roll, please.
I just can't right now.
It's okay, sweetie.
Thank you
for doing that, though.
My pleasure.
All right, now get out of here.
Your shift's over.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Anybody here?
Oh, my God, Ron!
Consider that a warning.
So you're the one
with the black car?
Stalking us?!
I wouldn't call it that.
I think it's more like...
keeping in touch.
Stop... right... there!
Why are you doing this, Mindy?
Take off your clothes.
Put that on.
We'll look so much alike,
Ron won't know who's who.
This has gone too far!
I said put it on.
You never had it so good.
Two for one!
What the hell is going on?
What took you so long?
I texted you an hour ago.
Honey, I can tell
that you're upset.
I'm not upset.
I'm happy.
Now be a sport
and take your clothes off
and join us...
one... last... time.
Just do what she says.
Okay, okay.
Can't we just talk this
through calmly like adults?
You need help.
I'm not crazy, Max.
Well, you're not in your
right mind, sweetheart.
You've lost the ability
to distinguish
between right and wrong.
Didn't we let all that go,
that whole right
and wrong thing?
I saw all of you...
in the club sneaking around.
You're the one who put our
pictures on the Caligula app?
Guilty as charged.
Shut up.
Why would you do that to Ron?!
He lost his job over it!
This thing you've got for Ron
has got to stop right now.
You think that
all of this is about Ron?
Yes. Sweetheart,
you're obsessed.
You're damn right
I'm obsessed...
but not with Ron.
I'm your secret admirer
Who do you think
sent the flowers?
And the baby carriage...
You and Max
are not very discreet.
Didn't see that coming.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
No harm done.
I've always wanted
to be just like you...
for us to be best friends...
for us to look the same...
be the same.
If this is between you and me,
let Ron and Max go.
You still don't get it, do you?
Deep down, you love Ron,
so I love Ron.
He's a part of you,
so he has to be
a part of me too!
I was so happy
you wanted to open your marriage
so that we...
could share everything,
so that we could be united,
And spiritually.
You know...
this does remind me
of all the times
that we shared together.
Those hot times.
It changed me.
It opened me up
to something... deeper.
They were hot times,
weren't they?
In fact...
Ron was just talking
the other day about how
he missed those times we shared.
Well, then...
shall we?
I think it would help
if we untied Ron.
He's taking up all the bed.
Okay, go ahead.
Untie him.
Happy now?
Let the games begin.
Max, lay on the bed next to Ron.
And you...
next to me.
Having fun?
I love you.
I love you too.
Appreciate it.
What's that?
A paternity test.
I'm the father.
I knew it.