Operation Petticoat (1959) Movie Script

Good morning.
- Good morning, Sir.
Good morning.
Good morning. I just came to look around.
Yes, sir.
- All right if I go below?
Certainly, sir. Can I get you some coffee?
No, I'll just go below and wait
for the captain. Maybe later.
Well, sir.
- Chief.
Who's he?
That's Sherman.
- Yes?
And what is he doing here at six in the morning?
He came to make sure that you were comfortable.
Don't you know anything about submarines?
Yes, sure. I know Sherman. He's the boss of Submarines Pacific.
He was the first captain of this boat.
- Yes, I know that.
Then you should be able to figure out what he is doing here.
If you were the first skipper of the "Sea Tiger"
and you ordered her sent to the junkyard at nine
... what would you be doing at six?
USN SEA TIGER
CAPTAIN'S JOURNAL
December 10, 1941.
Moored starboard side to Machina Wharf. Cavite Navy Yard
Philippine Islands, for provisions and fuel.
Directive received from Commander Asiatic Fleet
"You will sink or destroy all enemy ships wherever encountered. "
Have advised Commander Submarine Force, Asiatic Fleet... .
that "Sea Tiger"
will be ready for sea at 19:00, 10 December 1941.
Captain! Captain!
Enemy planes over.
Ready on engines?
- The best we can, Sir.
Cut those lines!
Take cover!
I'm not denying we suffered minor damage, Sir, but
Minor damage??
What does it take to convince you? You've been sunk!
You ought to read your own report.
- Yes.
Bulkheads, main ballast tanks and pressure hull...
ripped by bomb fragments.
Engine room flooded, main induction and ventilation wrecked
torpedo tubes, motor controls and reduction gear inoperable
electrical equipment, wiring, gauges, gyro, radio. "
All you've got out there
is a periscope sitting on a couple of thousand tons of scrap metal.
What do you suggest, sir?
Should we underwater weld to jury patch the hull before pumping her out
or should we raise her first and then work on the hull?
Matt, with major repairs
and a complete overhaul
maybe Sea Tiger could be put back in commission.
A functioning Navy yard might do it.
- Sir.
My chiefs are pretty good hands.
They know they're on their own.
and what we're up against. But we think we
can get " Sea Tiger " back in the war.
Yes, on who's side?
We're due to evacuate back to Bataan on the 26th...
... two weeks to do a job a yard couldn't do in two months.
We don't think we can get her into
fighting trim right away...
repair it... just enough to
reach the nearest sub tender.
That would be the "Bushnell", in Darwin.
...almost two thousand miles of ocean...
with the Japanese Navy roaming over it.
And you're going to make it in a sub
held together with spit and bailing wire?
Sir...
... the " Sea Tiger " deserves
a better epitaph than...
... "commissioned 1940,
sunk, 1941.
Engagements: none.
Shots fired: none. "
You can't let her go that way, it's like...
... a beautiful woman dying an old
maid, if know what I mean...
...by an old maid.
Did you ever sell used cars?
- No, sir.
I think you missed your calling.
Okay, Matt. You've got two weeks
to get her out or we blow her up.
Fair enough.
By the way...
... three of my officers and eighteen
men have been transferred...
... How soon can I can get them back?
- You don't.
You'll have to get by with a skeleton crew.
I'll get you what replacements I can.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
All done.
Men, clean up later.
That's all we can do now.
An odd job but might hold alright.
Yes, sir.
Do you think the No. 2 tank will hold?
All that we can do is try, sir.
Which one are you holding?
- The left.
Well hang on.
Okay, give her some air.
I found it, I found it!
Found it. Look.
- I give up. What is it?
The cake that my mother sent me.
Isn't that nice. Take it to the
cook, maybe he'll warm it up.
Mothers.
Why couldn't she send
something we need?
Like a universal coupling joint.
What is it, Molumphry?
I do not know, sir.
Have a look.
Looks like the Good Humor man.
I wonder if he left his tie off.
- What's going on?
Take a look, sir.
- Okay.
Holy moly.
What is it?
I hope I'm wrong, but with that suitcase
I'd say he was one of the replacements.
Don't tell me that!
Oh, for heaven's sake!
- Do you know anything about him?
Only from the society pages
of the Honolulu newspapers;...
His name is Lieutenant Nick Holden.
- Holden.
He's the darling of the
high-class social set.
I'll bet he is.
- He and the Admiral's wife...
won the rumba championship
two years in a row!
Okay, fellows. Come on,
knock it off. Back to work.
Lieutenant Nick Holden,
reporting for duty, sir.
Excuse the misunderstanding,
Mr. Holden...
It's unusual to see an Admiral's
aide without the Admiral.
He was scheduled to be transferred. I was
sent to make arrangements...
then the war broke out...
- And you're stranded?
Yes, sir. Captain Henderson
assigned me to you...
He said to hurry...
before you left.
The bearings are okay sir...
but if we don't come up with
an oil pump shaft we will only...
...get out of here by rowing.
- Didn't Hunkle follow up the requisition?
Requisition? That's all we do.
But we never get anything.
We might as well write
a letter to Santa Claus.
Ya. Well, thank you, Tostin.
Have you ever been in a submarine?
- No, sir.
We need a torpedo and gunnery
officer. Any experience?
Guns? I'm afraid not, sir.
- How about navigation?
Terribly sorry.
- Communications?
Wish I could help, sir.
Tell me.
Before becoming an Admiral's aide
What did you do in the navy?
Well, sir, I was primarily an
idea man.
I see. Well...
Tell me - what does
an idea man do?
I coordinated the Navy day
parade in Milwaukee...
... and I was the special liaison officer
for the Eleventh Naval District.
Liaison? With what?
- Hollywood.
I coordinated the design
of admission posters.
From there I transferred to
Fleet Headquarters Honolulu.
Is that where they gave you sea duty?
No, sir. I was the Recreation Officer
at the Royal Arms Hotel.
Just for my information...
... What does an idea man
do in a hotel?
The Navy took over the hotel
for officer's training...
and I saw that
entertainment was provided.
Have you ever been to sea?
- Yes, sir, destroyer duty.
How did you find time for it?
- It was a mistake, sir.
A week after I left Honolulu
they got it straightened out.
Who, the Admiral or
the Admiral's wife?
She must be upset
with you out here ;...
that will cost her the rumba
championship this year.
Holy!
Here you go, my man. Will you take
this bag and clubs to the submarine?
Thank you, son.
Hunkle.
What about that oil pump?
Well, I put in four requisitions.
Did you put stamp them urgent?
- I put a requisition in for one, sir.
For what?
- An urgent stamp, we haven't got one.
Haven't we received anything
from supplies?
The only requisition
that's been filled
is the requisition
for more requisition paper.
Captain, I got the trim pump broken
down. Want to look at it?
Yes.
- All right, Hunkle.
Can I help you, sir?
No, not really. My name
is Lt. Nick Holden.
I'm Ernest Hunkle.
- Pleasure to meet you.
Would care for some coffee?
Yes, thank you.
- Follow me.
Who is that?
- It's " The Prophet ", sir.
His he always that cheerful?
That's just the way he is, sir.
Don't mind him.
Cream and sugar?
- Yes, thank you.
"Why even try?...
If you're lucky enough...
to live through today...
tomorrow... ...
... you will die."
I don't know...
From the looks of things around here
he knows what he's singing about.
Your coffee, sir.
- Thank you.
Excuse me, I must get back to my work.
- Certainly.
Thank you.
Sir.
Sir. Look at this.
- What?
Last June, when we were
here, I requisitioned toilet paper.
Every time we've been back
I sent through a follow up...
... according to the book through channels
I even submitted a sample.
So what happens?
They responded : " Cannot identify,
requisition cancelled ".
Not that I'm complaining, sir,
but this what I've been going through.
All right, Hunkle.
Relax...
... Take a letter.
Let's see.
Are you ready?
- Yes, sir.
From Commanding Officer
" USS Sea Tiger "...
To Supply Officer, Navy Yard,
Cavite, Philippines...
Dear Commander Submarine
Forces, etc...
Subject : Toilet paper.
One:. .
... on 6 June, 1941...
...this vessel submitted a requisition
for 150 rolls of toilet paper...
... On 16 December, 1941...
the requisition was returned
with stamped notation...
"can not identify material required".
Two :. .
The Commanding Officer of the
" USS Sea Tiger "...
can not help but wonder
what is being used...
at Cavite as a substitute for
this unidentifiable material...
once so well known
to this command.
Three :. .
- Excuse me, sir.
What?
- Excuse me for interrupting.
Have you ever been to Las Vegas?
- Why?
The boys up there would say you're
trying to make your point the hard way.
Putting in requisitions,
going through channels...
You've got to sneak up
a few back alleys.
You need a Supply Officer to
help you find those back alleys.
You, Mr. Holden?
- Yes, sir.
You'd ruin your manicure.
- Here.
Don't let my manicure
fool you, sir.
I grew up in a neighborhood
called " Noah's Ark ".
If you didn't travel in pairs,
you didn't travel.
Why don't you make out a shopping list
and I'll see what's left at the market?
You're not the volunteering
type. What's your angle?
Same as yours. We both want
to get the submarine...
... out of here. You so you
can fight your war...
... and me...
Well, let's say I'm an optimist.
Wherever we're headed I am sure
I can get a better deal.
Mr. Holden, I may regret this...
... but you've just been
made my Supply Officer.
Get your list from Hunkle.
- Thank you, sir.
I am going to need a couple
of men. May I pick my own?
Right.
- Thank you, sir.
Hunkle...
... I've got a list for you. We're
going shopping tonight.
Turn on the lights.
Look, gentlemen, I think
we hit pay dirt.
Do you have the list?
- Yes, sir.
Take the stuff we
need to the door.
Let's go, we don't have much
time. Come on, guys.
You grab the wire.
I forgot something, sir.
- What did you forget?
I never wrapped up my belongings
for my kinfolk...
...if we don't get back.
- Will you stop talking like that?
They're going to find us and
shoot us down like a dog.
Will you shut up?
- Alright, Hunkle.
He's got the right idea;
so be very careful.
Get it to the door.
- Don't forget what you promised ;...
When the shooting starts turn your back
so Gertie won't get splattered.
Who is Gertie?
You don't know about Gertie?
- Shut up.
Get moving with that thing.
Hunkle, who is Gertie?
Molumphry will be
happy with this wiring.
Hunkle, I asked you a question.
Who is Gertie?
The truth is that she's nobody.
- Hunkle.
Well, sir, when my enlistment
was up last year, the boys...
... gave me a farewell party.
I do not usually drink, sir,
but that night I must have.
The last thing I remember...
... is standing in front of
a tattoo parlor...
May I?
They ought to hang you in the Louvre.
- I came home to marry...
... but when I saw myself
in the mirror, I reenlisted.
I never could explain
Gertie to my fiance.
No. I can see you've
got a problem.
But look on the bright side ;...
You've probably got the
sexiest chest in the Navy.
Sir.
- Yes.
I am not one to worry when
there's no need but...
... after we get this stuff to the door,
how do we get it to the boat?
Don't worry about that, just keep
your stuff... The police!
- Check the warehouses.
Halt!
What's your business here?
I stepped out for a breath of air.
- Let's see your identification.
Certainly. Here you are.
Lieutenant.
Why black face, sir?
Don't you know the penalty for
breaking blackout regulations?
Blackout regulations?
- You read the order from Admiral Nimitz?
No. What order?
- Regulation 4-1-9-8-2 :. .
"... no navy personnel shall appear
at night without face camouflage. "
A plane comes over, you look up,
give away our position.
Sergeant, a face like that could
cause a lot of damage...
... I'll have to put you on report.
Honestly, sir, no
one told me about it.
Alright, you've been told.
Black out that face, Sgt.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
Admiral Nimitz?
- Yes, sir.
Hey that was close.
- It's a trap...
we used to take possums like that...
you fool them so they feel
safe and then, bang!
We are three possums waiting...
- Come on, Prophet. Just...
We've only got a couple of
minutes. Get the stuff.
Hey Chief!
- Yes, Dooley?
Your shaft's here.
Thanks, Dooley.
Look, Molumphry, brand
new oil pump shaft.
Congratulations, look's like you, Tostin.
What is that?
- Your refrigerator unit.
That?
- We were lucky to get it.
Man, it was cold in
that ice house.
Look, sir, new oil pump shaft.
- Fine, fine.
Where is Mr. Holden?
- Keeping an eye on the truck.
Mr. Holden!
A decent night for shopping, sir.
- Yes
Could be something saved.
I know where you got the Navy
supplies but what about the truck?
I can't take credit for the
truck, sir. Ramon got it.
Ramon??
-Ramon!
Smile, sir. He's very sensitive.
What?
- Captain Sherman, Sergeant Gillardo.
I'm happy to be a member
of your crew, sir.
What do you mean,
member of my crew??
Well, sir...
I promised the sergeant that if he
helped us out, you'll take him on.
But he's a marine.
Well, he's open to a better offer.
You'd better get back to work.
I'll handle this.
That man is a prisoner.
Well, it was. You see, the prison
stockade was bombed...
...you have no idea how
hard it was to find him.
You mean you actually
went looking for him?
Of course. He's the greatest
operator around here...
... shortly after he became
General Warren's chef...
...he went into business for himself.
- I'll bet.
He was sole owner of
best restaurant in Manila.
And what about the
" P " on his back?
The " P "?
- Yes
Oh, that...
Let's start there.
You see, someone started prying and
found that the Marines...
supplying all the meat and silverware...
But he's a man who can get a job done.
There isn't a burglar, swindler,
pickpocket or fence on the island...
that doesn't love, know,
and respect him.
That's probably a glowing
recommendation, Mr. Holden...
I have no intention of taking
a thief on my crew...
He's an escaped prisoner,
a deserter.
True, but he is also one other thing.
- What?
He's also an informer...
... and if we don't take him
he will tell everybody everything.
Yeah.
And you're in too deep
for than now, sir.
We don't have a sales slip
for all this merchandise.
It seems I'm boxed in,
Mr. Holden.
You've made a wise decision, sir. I will
tell him, he will be so happy.
Ramon!
You have to give him credit, sir...
... that's what I call a Supply Officer.
- What?
I wonder where he got everything.
There's only one way to live with the
situation. It's like watching a stripper...
... do not ask how she does it,
just enjoy what's coming off.
19 December, 1941.
The repairs are progressing.
Morale is high, except
for their concern that...
...our supply officer might
be caught and shot.
I have mixed feelings ;...
Lt. Holden and Sgt. Gillardo
are undoubtedly...
the world's greatest thieves.
Scavengers.
To paraphrase Mr. Churchill ;...
... " never have so few
stolen so much from so many. "
And what they can not find
in warehouses...
... they improvise.
Mr. Sherman, I'm aware that there has been
wholesale scavenging...
No, up to now I overlooked it,
knowing the position.
Yes, sir.
- But this time you've gone too far.
Mr. Sherman...
I want my wall back.
I'm not sure we have it.
- You must have it. You've got everything else.
I do not mind a bit of
initiative but you...
Sir, I have to get back to my boat.
Wait a minute, I'll go with you!
Any damage?
- No direct hit, sir.
Concussion may have sprung some plates
in the tanks, Mr. Watson's checking.
Or camouflage caught fire,
we cut it down.
Were we spotted?
- Yes, sir.
A couple gave us a close-up
look we could spit at...
without the .50 that's
all we could do.
Well, I guess that does it.
Now they'll know where to find us.
- I'm sorry, Matt.
Sir, request permission
to get underway.
Get underway?
- Yes
In that?
I can get as far as Cebu and
complete repairs.
Cebu??
- That's only 400 miles.
You'd be in trouble if it was 400 feet.
You're in no condition to go out.
We've made amazing progress.
- You can not even submerge...
If you try running on top in
the daylight you're a dead duck.
Molumphry!
- Yes, sir?
Can this boat go down?
- Like a rock, sir.
Mr. Watson, how are the plates?
- Tight as a drum, sir.
And the engines, Tostin?
- Factory fresh, sir.
What do you say, sir?
Take your scavengers and
these liars and get out.
Yes, sir.
- But one stipulation.
You will engage no enemy shipping,
including lifeboats.
If you see someone swimming
in the water avoid him.
Yes, sir.
- Good luck.
Thank you, sir.
Matt.
Is this what's left of
my wall?
I wouldn't know, sir.
I would appreciate at least...
... getting my window back.
- Yes, sir.
Can we make it?
Well, we have No. 1
engine in shape.
No. 2 I'll tell you about
when it's put back together.
How about three and four?
I've been using them for
parts for one and two.
I am a religious man, Captain, I
believe God will get us through.
Of course, He'll have to give
us his undivided attention.
Mr. Watson!
Be ready to get underway when
Mr. Holden and his gang get back.
Aye, sir.
- Any idea where they went?
No, sir. When the air raid
started they took off.
All Mr. Holden said was:
" in confusion there is profit. "
Obviously the same
guys who...
Sir, we just got a call from the
Security Officer, and he's furious.
Why? What's wrong?
Apparently someone
stole his safe.
What happened, sir?
Douglas, I think we've been victims
of Sherman's march to the sea.
Make all preparations
for getting underway.
Aye aye, sir.
Station the watch.
Lookouts to posts for sea.
Ready to get underway?
- Ready, sir.
Get ready on No. 1 engine.
Maneuvering, Bridge.
Get ready on No. 1 engine.
Ready on No. 1 engine.
Maneuvering, Bridge.
Get ready on No. 1 engine.
Any time they're ready.
Maneuvering, Bridge.
Any time you're ready.
[How are you, friend?]
[" Be well ", friend.]
Mr. Holden! What
the devil is that?
A witch doctor, sir. Ramon found
him in the hills. We hired him.
You hired him?
To ward off evil spirits
and wish us a safe journey.
I figured we could use all
the help we could get, sir.
Hey hey hey hey.
Cut that out.
Mr. Holden! Will you tell
this fella...
I can't hear myself think!
Go away, please!
Get away from my boat!
Get away from my... !
Single up all lines.
Single one.
Single four.
Right full rudder.
All ahead one third,
starboard back one third.
All ahead one third,
starboard back one third.
What a character.
All stop. Shift your rudder.
All stop. Shift your rudder.
All ahead two thirds.
Ease your rudder.
All ahead two thirds.
Ease your rudder.
You'll never make it.
Tostin is still fighting with
the No. 2 engine, sir.
Sounds like he's losing.
How's the battery charge?
Just enough for
a trim dive.
Okay to try it?
Not now, wait for the dawn,
we have to take it down then.
We will have to try it sometime.
I'm not complaining, sir.
I had my choice.
Of what?
I could have gone
to West Point.
Careful, sir.
Well, now is the time.
Let's take her down.
Aye, sir.
Clear the bridge.
- Clear the bridge.
Number one.
- Aye.
Number Two.
- Aye.
Number Three.
- Number Four.
Make depth five-eight feet.
- Aye, sir. Five-eight feet.
Five-eight feet.
Check your bubble.
Close all vents.
All ahead one third.
All ahead one third.
Periscope depth.
Let's check for leaks.
Take her down to 100 feet.
All ahead two-thirds.
All ahead two-thirds.
6 degrees down bubble.
All departments check
for leaks. Report to control.
All departments check
for leaks. Report to control.
Close watertight doors.
Close bulkhead flappers.
Close watertight doors.
Close bulkhead flappers.
She creaks a bit.
She's sure moaning
and groaning, sir.
Cycle all vents.
I doubt if Sam Sneed would approve
of using irons that way.
We were lucky that Mr. Holden
had a set of golf clubs.
Aren't we?
Guess we didn't bleed all the air
out of the hydraulic system.
100 feet.
You can't win, my friend.
You can't win.
You can't win, so
why even try?
If you're lucky enough...
to live through today... ...
Tomorrow you will die.
All compartments report
tight, sir.
Thank you.
Open the watertight doors.
Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.
If you're ready for breakfast, sir,
I'll be in the wardroom.
What is that?
- Orange juice, sir.
Where are you taking it?
For Mr. Holden. He's
having breakfast in bed.
Wait a moment, Sgt.
I'll take it down.
- Yes, sir.
May I come in?
Please do.
Good morning.
- Good morning, Mr. Holden.
I've got a bad neck from too much tennis.
- Really?
Well. Did you get a good night's sleep?
Not too good; it was a little damp
and noisy. Strange surroundings.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Thank you.
Well, how's the food?
Satisfactory?
Excellent, thank you.
Would you like a cigar?
- No, no thanks.
I suppose after you
digested breakfast...
you'll want to get up on deck and play
a little shuffleboard, right?
This war must be inconvenient
for you, Mr. Holden?
I try to make the best of.
Yes, and you do, indeed you do.
I know you're not familiar with
the way the functions at sea.
Cigarette?
- No, thank you.
But here we all...
We all eat and work together... ...
and so you won't upset that system,
You will have to do it our way.
You've got three minutes to get off
your fat mattress...
and report to Mr. Watson!
- Yes, sir.
You are going to learn something
if I have to poor it into you!
Another thing : here we dress alike,
Got any regulation trousers?
No, sir. I had all my clothes made
at " Saks " Fifth Avenue.
I can't to do anything about the
uniform, but don't want you to think...
I'll expect breakfast
in bed every morning.
Scuttlebutt is that we will
submerge at daybreak...
... and if you gotta go,
you might as well go big.
It is past daybreak
and we are submerged.
We are?
- Yes.
You mean we're under??
- Yes
But it isn't a permanent
situation?
I mean, we can
up if we'd like to?
Well, I'd like to think we can.
But I'm an incurable optimist.
What happens, sir, if... ?
What happens if we can not... ?
If we can not...
Then...
What kind of answer is that?
- Why? Nervous, Mr. Holden?
Yes.
Tell me something :
Why did you join the navy?
because I needed
an officer's uniform.
As a kid I was a victim of the
most vicious propaganda;...
people told me... that money
was not everything, and I believed it.
Until I found out that
people saying...
... "money is not everything "
were the ones who had it.
I figured they were trying
to hide a good thing.
Sir, please sit down.
Yes.
Now there are two simple
ways to make money :. .
You can steal it,
or you can marry it.
To marry it, you have to
travel in the right circles...
... on the right side of the tracks.
Two things I learned:
One : A uniform can take you
to the best places, and two :. .
no one ever checks Dun and
Bradstreet in a bedroom.
It sounds like a
winning combination.
Would you like to see the jackpot?
That the girl from
the right side of the tracks?
She owns the tracks...
... or 5. 2 % of all the
railroad stock in America.
Isn't she lovely?
We had a dinner date one night, and
I was a few minutes late...
and she didn't want it to happen again.
Have you ever seen
a two thousand dollar watch?
My, my, my.
When the minister says " will you take
this woman? " he won't be kidding.
When is the happy occasion?
- The day I get back.
You see that I get back and I'll
see you have a private submarine.
For heaven's sake.
Excuse me.
Is this normal or should
I be nervous again?
Captain!
- Yes
One of our connections
carried away, sir...
We're rigging a patch,
but I don't think it will hold.
Prepare to surface.
- Stand by to surface. Lookouts to conning tower.
Stand by to surface.
Lookouts to conning tower.
How much time for repairs?
- About six hours...
... if we can work over the side.
- Six hours...
The nearest place with a
sheltered anchorage is
Marinduque island. We better head there.
- Okay.
Watch your fault.
- Yes, sir.
All free, sir. Sound the alarm.
22 December, 1941.
Arrived Marinduque two hours
after enemy air raid.
Repairs have to be completed
before their next visit.
To get Lt. Holden out
from underfoot...
I sent him and his men
to scout the island.
Captain.
- Yes
Mr. Holden is coming back, sir.
War is hell,
Mr. Watson.
Not only that, sir.
Wait until you see
what he's got with him.
Women!
Wow! That's what
I call scavenging!
I... What I meant sir is...
... I'm sure there will be something
they can be used for.
I can think of many uses,
but not here and now.
Mr. Stovall, the influence of
Lt. Holden is beginning to worry me.
I suggest you "Wow!" less and
"Tsk Tsk Tsk" more...
Mayor Heywood.
- Major Heywood.
Lieutenant Duran.
- Lieutenant Duran.
Lieutenant Reid.
- Lieutenant.
Lieutenant. Colfax.
Lieutenant.
Lieutenant Crandall.
If anyone asks what
you're fighting for...
... there's your answer.
Lt. Holden invited us
to go with you.
What?
The Major and her unit
were stranded, sir.
We were en route to Manila
and heard it was being bombed...
... and we had to land here.
- Oh.
The Japanese strafed
the airstrip and...
our plane took off to keep from
being destroyed on the ground.
He was supposed to
come back for us.
Alright.
- it didn't make it.
They were the only Americans
on the island, sir...
You could not possibly
leave them there.
Thank you.
It's an emergency, sir.
- Thank you, Mr. Holden.
Now, Major, obviously we have to
get out of here as fast as we can, so...
if you'll get your party below,
I'll get you to Cebu...
... where you can
rejoin an Army unit.
Escort the Major to the wardroom.
- Yes, sir.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
Thank you, ma'am.
- This way, ladies.
I guess I'm stuck.
- Yes
Just a minute. Come on. That's right.
Thank you very much.
- Suggest you take the other one off.
Sir.
Mr. Holden, just a minute.
Mr. Watson!
- Yes, sir?
Please assemble the crew.
Instruct them to ignore that
our passengers are women.
That may require some...
readjustment... but I want
every man to understand...
our objective is Cebu
and then Darwin.
If any man has any
other objective in mind...
he'd better forget it.
You will put on report...
Collision!
Collision, sir!
- Really...
we're not even moving.
Who hit the collision button?
- I do not know, sir.
Everything has a reason
for being here...
What happened?
- I'm very sorry.
I was coming down the ladder and
accidentally touched that button.
She grabbed the collision alarm.
Just a minute.
Please, ladies, there is one primary rule
you must observe:. .
keep your hands...
and... you're, uh...
Just do not touch anything.
The ladies will occupy the Chief's quarters
and my cabin.
The Chiefs move out with the men. Move my gear
with Watson and you stay with Holden.
Now, uh...
For the next few days we'll
be living in close contact...
and you being women... and...
the crew being men,
being confined could...
could create situations...
not usually...
consistent with normal
submarine operations.
What I mean to say.
- We know what you mean, Captain.
We're well acquainted
with the facts of life.
So are the men. I'm just trying to
avoid any exchange of information.
You must...
You must realize that...
submarines are not designed
to be coeducational.
... That is to say...
Mr. Stovall, take the
ladies to the wardroom.
I'll try to work out a schedule.
- Yes, sir.
You'll eat in the officers' mess.
Mealtimes are
7:00, 12:00 and 18:00.
Now, this is the shower.
Excuse me.
Instructions are on the bulkhead.
Your shower period
will be 6:30 to 6:50.
You will each have
a minute and a half.
A minute and a half?
Captain 's orders, there are
problems with fresh water supply.
How can you shower in
a minute and a half?
What you miss one day you
can get the next time around.
In here is what we
in the Navy call...
It's operated by means of
the air compression levers...
What do they call it?
The head.
I've drawn a complete diagram.
I'm sure you will have no trouble.
Why do they call it the head?
Doesn't say.
A woman on board
is bad luck, sir...
... and if one is bad luck,
imagine five.
Alright, what do you want me to do?
Throw them overboard?
It 's something to think about.
Do what you can, okay?
Hunkle, what 's going
on in there?
It's a raffle, they're
drawing for the women.
They're drawing for the women?
Mr. Holden organized it. They're
picking the five lucky men now.
Kraus.
Congratulations.
What did you give away?
What's going on?
- A raffle, sir.
What kind of raffle?
For clothing.
- Clothes?
Yes. The men are donating
their clothes to the women.
Have you men finished chow?
- Yes, sir.
Then back on the job. We
have to get out of here.
Mr. Holden.
- Yes, sir.
How did all that get started?
I thought I was boosting
the men's morale, sir...
... after all there's a practical side ;...
these women have been
on an island for quite a while...
... their clothes are all messed up.
Sooner or later they will
have to wash them...
With everything hanging on
the line and nothing hanging on the...
You see, sir, it could
be rather awkward.
Yes.
Carry on, Lieutenant.
- Thank you.
I wish I had a decent mirror.
Why the Navy still use
that silly clasp?
We just found out
it's tradition...
... each button represents one of
the original thirteen states.
Well you better
button up New Jersey.
How's the shirt?
- A little tight.
I'd better reinforce those buttons
before you take a deep breath.
The Navy's got to have
some thread, come on.
Hello.
- Hi.
What's wrong?
Kraus does absolutely
nothing for you.
You don't put the crown jewels
in a paper bag. Come.
Where are we going?
But I 'm happy
with these pants.
Barbara, they just won't do.
Let me see.
They're not uncomfortable.
- Barbara, will you stop being nervous?
I'm not nervous.
- Well, of course you're nervous.
This is part of my job;
I'm your Supply Officer.
But I do not need...
- 35-22-34?
Then you've got
these supplies before.
Let's see...
" Shorts ". Do you play tennis?
Well, I...
- Here's a tennis sweater...
... a shirt...
... a nice robe, clean...
... and also a pair of pyjamas.
Well, I...
- Excuse me.
Hello.
Stovall, aren't you on watch?
Yes. I was just
on my way up.
Excuse me.
Good night.
Now where were we? Oh yes.
I think you ought to
try these on for size.
Lieutenant, I appreciate the offer
but I can not take your pyjamas.
Why not?
Well frankly, it's
a little embarrassing.
A girl does not get
into any man's pyjamas.
If the man's not in them,
what's the harm?
And what are you
going to sleep in?
All right, we'll compromise:. .
I'll take the bottoms...
And you can have the tops...
unless you prefer... ...
- The top will be fine.
What else can I give you?
Champagne.
Under the heading of supplies, too?
- No.
You see, I am also
Morale Officer.
You know, it's against regulations
to have this on board
If we do not drink it,
I will have to pour it out.
All we need is a couple
of glasses and some ice.
Now look, we can't...
-Ramon!
Yes, sir?
Thank you.
- Hello.
Good night.
I'm ready to relieve you, sir.
You're an hour early, Mr. Stovall.
I couldn't sleep and figured
I might as well come up.
Where are your binoculars?
In my room.
Okay, carry on. I'll send them up.
-No, I'll go get them, sir.
You've just relieved Mr. Watson.
- But you can't do that.
And why can't I do that?
Well, because...
- Just what can't I do?
Go to the room.
- Why I can't I go to the room?
Because Mr. Holden
is sleeping.
I'll try not to wake him.
-No! I mean, is, that he...
He has company.
- He's sleeping and he has company?
Hello.
- Hello.
What are we celebrating?
Lieutenant Holden was just
giving me his clothes.
That's worth drinking to,
but unfortunately regulations...
Right. I think I'd better be going.
Thank you.
- Certainly.
Good night, sir.
- Good night.
Where did you pick up the champagne?
- Captain Henderson's office.
I thought it was better that
he keep a clear head.
Very thoughtful of you.
Now I have this unreasonable
desire to get back in the war.
Yes, I know, sir.
I'd prefer to do it as captain of a
fighting ship not a cocktail bar.
As of this moment the
cocktail lounge...
... is closed, sir.
- Yes.
No customers after hours.
- Absolutely not.
Fine.
That's the idea.
Kraus.
Yes?
Which one touched your clothes?
I don't know. But I sure hope
it's the one with the big...
Knock it off.
- What's the matter with you?
Quit talking about her that way.
She's a woman.
- So?
Well my mother is a woman.
- So?
I do not know, it just
all seems to tie in somehow.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
I'm having a little trouble.
I can't get it to work...
I think there is something wrong
with that shower head.
Try this.
- Captain...
I'd like to apologize for
setting off the collision alarm.
That's all right. Tell me,
did you follow the instructions?
Yes, I turned this knob
... and this one...
... and then this.
At least I think that's what I did.
- Yes, that's what you did.
Oh dear.
- That's okay.
let me dry you off.
- No, please.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
That's a clever shower schedule
you've got worked out, sir.
...Conserves water, too.
Lt. Crandall was having difficulty.
- Sir, it's your boat.
Excuse me.
It's just as well it didn't work. I left
my dusting powder in my room.
Your dusting powder.
- Would you hold that for me? Be right back.
Terrible.
Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
- Can I get you anything?
Yes, anything.
- Yes, sir.
My dusting powder.
- I see.
Excuse me.
- Yes, of course.
Wait, Captain. Sir!
- What is it?
There's a woman in
my engine room.
You have to get her out.
- Who?
The Major. She washed her clothes and
hung them there to dry.
It's bad luck to have
a woman in the engine room.
Tostin, what harm can their clothes do?
That's when they're dangerous,
like snakes...
when they shed their skin... look out.
Can I have my scrubber please?
Yes, here you go.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Tostin, they have to dry
their clothes somewhere...
... and yours is the most logical place.
Deal with it as best you can.
Yes, Captain.
- Carry on.
Sailor.
- Yes, ma'am.
Tell me when these are dry.
I'm a machinist mate, I ain't a...
... laundry sailor.
Sailor.
- Yes, ma'am.
Please try not to knock
anything down...
... I wouldn't want it to land
on this dirty floor.
What's dirty?
- The whole engine room.
Look at that grease.
If you was bombed and sunk
and pulled up by your stern...
you'd be a little greasy too.
Sailor.
Lady!
- You'll never get it to work that way.
Why don't you go and
roll some bandages?
What do you know about machinery?
- I was raised with it.
My father was Chief Engineer at
the Seattle power plant.
That would work if you'd
install a new valve spring.
My father was a Chief Engineer....
I'm trying to make do with something
that doesn't belong on a submarine...
... and you can't install a new
valve spring if you ain't got it.
Now, will you get out of here?
You're talking to an officer.
Maybe Congress made you an
officer, but God made you a woman...
... and a woman shouldn't mess around
with a man's machinery.
For the last time,
get out, will you?
Good morning, sir. Can I
pour you a cup of coffee?
Never mind, I'll attend to it. Go and shower.
- Yes, sir.
Have the women finished breakfast?
- Yes, sir.
Pardon me.
I left my cigarette here.
Have you seen it?
Perhaps?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Oh, that's alright, Lieutenant.
I enjoy a cigarette with my coffee.
Oh, thanks.
Is that all you're having
for breakfast?
I'm a little nervous.
I don't feel much like eating.
Captain, I hope you do not mind a
little professional advice but...
when a person
is nervous and irritable...
you can be assured that something
is missing in their life.
Vitamins and minerals.
- Vitamins and minerals.
With an appropriate nutritional balance,
you wouldn't have any gray hair.
I like having gray hair, so I can
worry without it showing.
I used to be just like you.
- What, gray hair?
No. I was run down and poor appetite.
- Yes?
Then I started taking these
pills that I have here...
... and they really built me up.
- No question about it.
All you have to do is take
one every three hours.
You are very kind,
I appreciate the offer...
... but I'm busy man and would forget.
- I'll remind you.
You're the Captain and it would
be bad if you got sick too.
Sick too!
Who's sick?
Most of the men. Lieutenants Colfax
and Reid are taking care of them.
Lt. Crandall, excuse me.
You look pretty good to me.
- I don't feel so good.
Stomach, and I feel dizzy.
- Hold still.
Lie down over there.
Keep that under your tongue.
All right.
- Just go over there.
Right. Now, what's the matter with you?
Williams.
- I've got a headache and my back hurts...
What's wrong?
I don't know, sir. I feel terrible.
You smell good.
What about you, Harmon?
I have shooting pains
in my head, sir.
Probably fumes from that hair tonic.
- Yes, sir.
And you, Fox. What
have you got on?
It's called " Surrender ", sir.
My mother sent it to me.
Break it up. Neutralize that cologne
with a some perspiration.
Even our pharmacist's mate.
What's the matter, Dooley?
He seems to have...
- Just a minute.
I don't know, sir.
I only hope I can
last the day out.
Up, Dooley!
Thank you, ladies. We won't be needing
you any more. The epidemic is over.
Lieutenant Crandall.
- You forgot your vitamins.
Thank you very much.
I'll remind you when
it's time for the next one.
Yes.
Sir.
Lieutenant Crandall, I...
Mr. Watson.
- Yes, sir?
Pass the word to the crew. When
Lt. Crandall - you know Lt. Crandall?
When Lt. Crandall walks through any
part of the boat, give clear passage.
Right, sir.
- How's Mr. Holden coming with the torpedoes?
I decided he would make better headway
if he read the basic submarine manual first.
It's in his cabin reading.
- Good.
Am I going down right?
- That's right.
Is she going down right?
- She sure is.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
Mr. Holden is explaining
how everything works.
He's been explaining?
- We're just on our way to the engine room.
I 'm afraid Mr. Holden won't be
able to maneuver this morning.
Don't you have a book to read?
- Yes, I'm on Chapter Five:. .
... "Care and Operation of the Bilge Pump"
- All right.
I can't wait to see how it turns out.
You'll like it. It turns out happily;
they get each other in the end.
Engine Room to Captain.
What is it, Tostin?
Either her or me in this engine room!
I'll be right there.
It works. You're just to
stubborn to admit it.
Get that thing out
of my engine room!
Look, Major - enough is enough...
- What's going on?
Look at what she did, sir.
It's only temporary until
we make a valve spring.
We?? What do you mean we??
- I will design it and you can make it up.
Excuse me.
- Sure.
What are you going to do, sir?
I don't know. It works, doesn't it?
But I'm here all day and that
thing going up and down...
... that's indecent.
- Well.
Engine room. Is the Captain there?
- What is it, Molumphry?
Better come up to the yeoman's office, sir.
- What's wrong?
Lieutenant Reid
just hit Hunkle.
Hit Hunkle? I'll be right there.
Hit Hunkle.
What are you to do about her?
- Keep an eye on it, Tostin.
I'm sure it wasn't intentional, ma'am.
I know, but I've never
seen anything like that in a man.
Mr. Hunkle?
I'm sorry.
That's all right, Lieutenant.
Sir.
- What happened?
It was nothing, really.
- Then why did you hit him?
It was my fault, sir ;
I was changing my shirt...
I went to borrow the typewriter.
- I had my shirt off and she hit me.
It was a reflex action.
I was embarrassed and I...
If you'll excuse me.
Hunkle, keep that pinup covered,
I've got enough troubles.
Yes, sir.
- Captain, torpedo room calling the Captain.
What is it, Harmon?
- What do I do with Lt. Colfax?
What's wrong?
She's dizzy, sir. I think she's getting seasick.
She insists she's got the bends.
I'll be right there.
Excuse me, please.
- Yes
It's amazing how compact
everything is.
On a sub you have to
operate in close quarters.
I think we better be going.
- Going where?
Well, Nick, haven't you
got some reading to do?
How old are you, Barbara?
Twenty-four.
A very nervous twenty-four.
Look at yourself. You're tense.
Your pulse is beating fast
and your hands are cold.
We've got to do something
about all this tension.
I'm afraid that the cure might
be worse than the disease.
Barbara, you're a nurse,
you know it is with people.
They're like that teapot;...
... build a fire under it,
pressure builds...
... and has to be relieved.
Mr. Holden, return to your quarters.
- Yes, sir.
Captain, it wasn't his fault...
... I encouraged him.
Lieutenant...
... the last thing the men on this
boat need is encouragement.
Major, if you can't control your
women, lock them up.
What happened?
He caught us.
Doing what?
Nick kissed me.
Oh?
- And I kissed him back.
Don't you think
you're rushing things?
Love underwater is
fine for a fish, but...
... shouldn't you wait
until you come up for air?
Major, my mother had a very
simple outlook on life.
She always said : "never
worry about getting married...
someday you'll turn the right corner
and meet the right man. "
It isn't that easy.
I've been turning corners
for twenty-four years.
You know, I think I
finally turned the right one?
Why go back out in that crowd
and get lost again?
Baby, if you're right, I'm
in more trouble than I figured.
You're 24 and I'm 38.
You know, I might not be
able to make it to the next corner?
Mister...
You've used that uniform for everything but
what the government intended.
Why you got the uniform
is your concern...
... but what it does on this boat
is my business.
From here on, if that uniform leaves
this cabin, don't be in it.
You're confined to quarters.
Battle stations!
- Goodbye!
Boy oh boy.
A sitting duck, sir.
A tanker.
A beaut.
Eight thousand tons at least.
She's riding low, sir.
That means she's still loaded.
Number three tube
is operable, sir.
All we need is one shot.
This boat wasn't meant
to be a virgin, sir.
Eight thousand tons.
Let's go duck hunting.
Down scope.
Load torpedo tube three.
- Load torpedo tube three.
Bearing. Mark.
- Zero-two-six.
Range. Mark.
- Two-three-double-oh.
Down scope.
Fire at 1500 yards.
Tube number three ready, sir.
Outer door closed.
Generated range: two-one-double-oh.
Open outer door tube three.
- Open outer door tube three.
Open outer door tube three.
Tube number three ready, sir.
- One-nine-double-oh.
Final range.
Mark.
- One-eight-double-oh.
Stand by tube three.
- Stand by tube three.
Captain, it's time for your vitamin.
- Lieutenant, get below.
Damn it, get below!
Have I done anything wrong?
What happened, sir?
We sunk a truck!
Let's get the hell
out of here!
Right full rudder.
All ahead two thirds.
-Take her down to 100 feet.
23 December, 1941.
Sighted tanker, sank truck.
For the first time in my life, I
came close to hitting a woman.
Perhaps I'm giving
way to hysteria...
... but can Lt. Crandall possibly
be a Japanese agent?
Tomorrow we'll be in Cebu and
they'll be the Army's problem.
I'm sorry, Commander.
They are your problem.
I can not take
responsibility for those women...
... not without the proper orders.
Couldn't we forget
regulations this once, Colonel?
Commander, any time the Japanese are
ready, they can overrun this island.
We've been ordered to coordinate
guerrilla action in the hills.
We may be up there for years.
Do you really want
us to take those women?
We'll keep them.
Sir, we will need to see your
Quartermaster to get these...
... supplies to make our repairs.
Supplies? Let me give you
a picture of the situation;...
this cigar... belonged to my
aide, Captain Hopkins.
I stole it while he was sleeping.
Everything worth saving
has been taken up into the hills.
Can I can send some men
into the hills then?
You couldn't get a paper clip with
a requisition from the President.
Without those supplies we won't get out of here.
- Sorry, I wish I could help.
Alright.
Good luck, gentlemen!
We've got to get those supplies!
- I know, I know.
Sorry!
Oh boy!
- Give him a hand.
Major, you and your friends
will remain aboard.
Sir! Sir!
There is only one man who can
do the job, you know who.
Yes, yes. I know.
Mr. Holden.
Yes, sir?
I'm restoring you to duty.
We're having difficulty, I have
to have those supplies.
That's quite a list, sir.
I won't bore you with the problems of command;
I doubt you'll ever have one.
It's inconsistent with the philosophy
of "every man for himself".
"Dog-eat-dog."
- Exactly.
The most unfortunate thing
about command...
is that responsibilities
outweigh the privileges.
If it was just myself, I would tell
what to do with that list.
But my responsibility
is this boat.
To get it out of here
I'd make a pact with the devil.
That's where I come in.
- That's right.
Unless you get these supplies, you'll never
get back to that girl with the railway stock.
That's a pretty good argument.
- I thought it would convince you.
Okay.
Auxiliary induction gear;
generator coils; red lead... Ramon!
Hunkle!
Do you need this?
A priming pump?
- Is that what it is?
Worth a hundred fifty dollars.
- For this?
Here's two hundred dollars.
- Oh, thank you.
What do you want for this?
Twenty.
- Take twenty-five. Hunkle!
You'll have to get in line
like the rest of the guys.
But I have gray paint
in the truck outside.
Twenty-four five-gallon cans.
What about the red lead?
- Two cans. That's all there is on the island.
We need at least twenty.
I can get them white lead.
- We'll take it. How much?
Not a nickel less
than three hundred.
Three hundred?
He drives a hard bargain!
Here's three hundred, and fifty
dollars on the house. Kraus!
Unload the paint and
steal the truck.
Excuse me, sir.
- Wait a minute.
We don't have any money, how
will we pay if someone wins?
With those tables
and those dealers?
Master inverted reducing valve.
Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Next!
What you have you got, son?
Carry on.
31 December, 1941.
Holden has reached new heights
in the art of scavenging.
Like a spider in a web,
he sits there...
... and their victims come to him
like flies bearing gifts.
He is the only man I know...
who will probably be presented
the Navy Cross at his court martial.
Chief, this is a terrible color.
- It makes me kind of sick.
More canned fish.
Yes. What a way to celebrate
New Year's Eve.
Sir...
We're mixing those paints...
but I don't think you're going to like it.
We don't have much choice.
We haven't enough of either
one to do the whole job.
It's a pretty strange color
to paint government property.
Don't let it throw you, Mo.
We're going to color gray anyway.
- Yes, sir.
Mr. Holden wasn't
at the casino.
Mr. Stovall...
hereafter you will refer to
the casino as the supply depot.
Where did he go?
He and Hunkle took off in the truck,
They're not expected back until late.
Boy, that casino is really...
I mean...
... seems to be a lot of activity
at the supply depot, sir.
Hunkle, did you see
what I saw?
I don't know, sir.
What?
Come on.
That's New Year's dinner.
- That?
We're going to shop around.
Come on.
What do we do?
No, that's not quite right.
The white one!
That's what I call
a pig.
I'll go around the back. Go
in the front and distract him.
And how do I do that?
Talk pig talk.
- How do you talk pig talk?
Didn't you talk pig
when you were a kid?
No, too high.
Low, deep in your throat.
That's too deep.
Right in the middle.
Now with affection.
Okay, call the pig.
Look, there he is.
Get behind him.
Behind him!
Hurry!
Open the cab!
Open the door, come on!
Come on!
- Looks like a wheelbarrow.
Come on, Hunkle, grab him!
Lift him up!
Grab him!
Get in! Get in!
Grab him!
- Okay.
What are they stopping for?
It's a roadblock.
What are we going to do?
I don't know.
Let's take a look. Cover us, Bayle.
They're shooting looters, you know?
- I know. Let's not panic.
What about the pig?
What pig?
- What pig? This pig!
I don't see any pig.
- You don't see any pig?
Take off your coat.
Take off my coat?
- Take off your coat.
Are you out of....
Put it on the pig.
Put it on the pig??
- Put it on the pig!
Do you have a cap? Do you have a cap?
- Yes, sir.
Take it off!
Give me the cap! Give it to me!
Hold him!
Stay here, Bill, and
keep me covered.
Good evening, Corporal.
- What are you doing out here?
I'm Lieutenant Holden, off the
"Sea Tiger". We're tied up for repairs.
We were out trying to locate
some spare diesel parts.
What is that?
That's Seaman Hornsby. How
are you feeling, Seaman Hornsby?
He's not too well.
- What's the matter with him?
Well, he drinks...
... "Gilly juice" you know?
The alcohol from the torpedoes.
Easy, sailor. I think we're going
to have to get him back to the boat.
If anything happens to him
we're in an awful lot of trouble.
You see, he's the only
radio operator we have.
Easy, Hornsby.
- He doesn't look too good.
No.
- You'd better let us take him to the hospital.
No, no. That's not necessary.
We have a doctor on board.
Well, you'd better get this man to your doctor.
- All right. Thank you.
Happy New Year, Corporal.
- Let them pass.
Who were they?
- Three sailors off a submarine.
Guy named Hornsby was sick,
you should have seen him.
Now I know why they call
submarines "pig boats".
Man, he was the ugliest.
Oh, Captain...
a couple of Army MPs out here
want to see you.
MPs?
- MPs.
Okay, okay.
Sir, this man claims that your men
stole a pig from his farm.
The biggest one he had,
and drove off in a truck;...
The only truck that passed us tonight
was headed for this boat.
That's ridiculous, Corporal. None
of my men would...
Is Lieutenant Holden back?
- I do not know, sir.
Who?
Corporal.
Good evening, sir.
- Watson.
Lt. Holden was one of the men on
the truck. He had two other men with him...
A Hunkle and Seaman Hornsby.
Seaman Hornsby?
Yes, sir, he was drunk. They
were bringing him back to the boat.
Where is Seaman Hornsby?
He's not feeling too well, sir.
- I didn't ask you that. Where is he?
He's been drinking.
- Where is he?
In the officer's head.
Just a minute.
Well, the man is right.
Undoubtedly his pig was stolen.
You might as well admit it,
Mr. Holden ;...
When Hornsby runs wild
there's no telling what he might do.
He behaves like a perfect swine.
Look, Corporal, he's in no condition
to be reprimanded tonight...
but I can assure you that tomorrow
he's in for a good roasting!
I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid
we'll have to take him in.
Now wait a minute, Corporal.
Sometimes there is a
reason for drinking...
... You see, Hornsby's been picked
for a dangerous assignment...
... and there is not much chance
that he will come through it alive.
Gee, I...
- I knew you would understand.
If this man want to
drop the charges...
I'm sure something can be arranged.
How much is the pig worth?
He won't take American money
with the Japanese coming.
One moment. Your pig's
not down there. Hey...
If you won't take American money
I don't see how we are going to...
You like that?
You would like to have that?
Okay.
I do not understand very well, we'll see.
I think he said he likes
the bag. You like the bag?
Good leather, but he does not know
what to do with those things.
Well, we can make a deal.
- But sir, that was a gift...
from the admiral's wife.
- Public Relations. Fair enough?
He said that his pig
is worth more.
No. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You couldn't possibly...
- See if you like this.
But sir, you can't. I have...
- Do you like?
Sir, I need that for
my tennis shoulder.
Your tennis shoulder?
- Yes
Well, we can take care of that.
Now you don't need it for your tennis
shoulder. Now, what about it?
Oh, yes.
- What did he say?
He said that his pig
weighed two hundred pounds.
And it is not enough.
- I see. That's it, yes.
It's a shame.
- Just a minute. Get back.
Let's see here.
Yes, this.
Sir, that's solid silver.
Still not enough?
Let's look here...
Oh, these!
Non-regulation!
Saks Fifth Avenue.
Well?
Put it on your face.
Shoes!
Shoes. Yes.
- Not my Supadance. Sir, please.
These are your dancing shoes, aren't they?
- Yes.
Do you like to dance?
Dance?
He likes to dance, perfect.
Is that enough?
Goodbye. Here, just a moment.
Here's gift for you. That's to go with
the shoes; a little bonus.
Well.
Very thoughtful of you to offer dinner
for the men. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.
I suggest you get Hornsby out
of uniform and help him to the galley.
[ Thank you! ]
[ Thank you! ]
So am I.
Yes, they're drafting
everybody these days.
Pink!
Twenty-five years I've
been in the Navy...
... and I've never seen nothing like this.
A pink submarine.
All right, you guys, you have three
hours to have a Happy New Year.
But at 17:00 every man on this crew
starts painting her gray!
This pork is great.
Aren't you going to have any, sir?
No, Hornsby and I have been
through too much together.
Captain, can I talk to you?
- Yes, Major.
It's about Dolores. I can't
get her to come up here.
She says that you'd
rather she didn't.
She's tried to apologize, but
you won't even talk to her.
She thinks that you've been avoiding her.
- Only in self-defence.
She's scared to death of you.
It's New Year's, Captain.
The poor girl is down
there all by herself.
It would be nice if you would
go down and invite her up.
All right, Major, I'll extend
a personal invitation.
Isn't this a lovely shade of pink.
Please ma'am, I'm trying to eat.
Throw me a pickle.
- The first time I met her...
Mr. Tostin, was...
- Chief.
I was thinking that if you cross
connect the engine cooling system...
and the mufflers you could
drown out those sparks.
The engine cooling system
and the mufflers?
Are you crazy?
Hey, you know
that might work.
Would you like some pork, Major?
Thank you.
Captain.
- What?
I've looked up and down this boat
and I can't find Mr. Holden.
Or Barbara, er, Lieutenant Duran.
- No kidding!
And number three life raft is missing.
- Fancy that!
Well, if they're gone and the number three...
- One moment, Watson, listen...
... Have you ever been to Las Vegas?
Because up there the boys would say that
you're trying to make your point the hard way.
When a girl is under twenty
one she is protected by law.
When she is over sixty five,
she is protected by nature.
Any where in between -
she's fair game.
Put that away.
May I come in?
- Yes, of course.
Why aren't you at the party?
I really didn't think that
you wanted me there.
I would probably do something out
of line and you would be angry.
Captain, you may not believe this
... but all of those things that
happened were accidents.
I'm sure they were.
Lieutenant, if I've been short-tempered,
I want to apologize...
... my only excuse is that things
haven't been going well and I'm edgy.
Why not finish your hair
while I wait?
Then we can go up together
and celebrate.
Is that all right?
- Yes.
Let's forget everything that happened and
start the New Year off right.
You can - Ahhhh!
You'll be a wonderful father.
- Father?
When you get married.
- Sure.
Genetically you have
very dominant characteristics...
Really?
Dark hair, blue eyes.
- What is this?
Three of four children
will look after you.
I know it won't be easy.
- What won't be easy?
Until we get settled.
- But...
But I'll help.
- Help?
With the expenses.
I'll get a job.
Expenses?
- Yes.
Barbara, I'm engaged
to be married.
Now, Barbara, don't be hasty.
Let me explain.
It's a very simple thing to explain;...
I've known that girl for quite a while...
- Get away!
I thought to tell you now...
-Get away from me!
You're not listening.
I'm going!
- Do not go!
I'm going to the boat!
-I can explain everything!
I'm going back to the boat!
- Please listen, apart from....
Barbara, wait! There are
women-eating sharks!
Barbara!
Barbara, wait a minute!
I don't think it's serious, sir, but,
shouldn't one of the nurses look at it?
Just bandage it, Dooley.
- Yes, sir.
Happy new year!
Barbara!
Barbara! Will you... ?
Barbara, will you get back in the
raft? Will you get in the raft?
Stop following me!
Barbara!
I wish you'd
try to understand.
What if I did say I loved you?
What if we got married?
I'm poor. You're poor.
All we'd get is poor children.
I don't think I should go to the party.
- Oh yes, you should. I demand you do.
You don't have to go
just for me.
I can't think of anyone else I'd do it for;
it's become sort of a need.
That's very kind of you.
- Yes, isn't it?
I mean is that you're such a gentleman.
- Yes, that comes as a surprise to me, too.
Barbara!
Barbara, will you...
Will you listen to me?
Barbara!
Barbara, it's tiring
rowing this way, will you wait?
Barbara!
You are a beautiful and intelligent girl,
you should marry a wealthy man.
I'm no good for you, you don't want to
marry me. I'm doing you a favor.
Don't do me any more favors, mister.
- Barbara, dear, would you...
Oh shut up!
- Barbara!
Barbara!
Air raid! Man your stations!
Air Raid!
-Clear the deck!
Clear the deck!
Get those women down!
Let's get underway!
Ready in all respects
to get underway, sir.
Okay, I'll take charge.
Strike four.
- Strike four.
Strike three.
Drop two.
Wait, what's going on here?
Mr. Holden promised the dealers, sir.
- Promised them what?
You see, sir. If they helped us,
we'd take the women and children.
Most of the women are pregnant.
- Yes, sir. Any minute now, sir.
Isn't it lucky that we have
the nurses aboard?
I'm running a submarine,
not a maternity ward!
What's that thing doing
here, that goat?
It's for the children, sir.
Fresh milk.
I don't care,
get them off the boat!
Aircraft, port quarter!
Closing!
One moment.
- Lieutenant promised...
Go on, get them off!
Here they come. Get down!
Ramon, take these women
forward.
Get these kids down.
Come here.
Give me the goat.
Come on, goat.
Give me a hand.
Somebody get the kid.
Starboard back two thirds.
- Starboard back two thirds.
I know it, I'm dead.
Cherry.
Clear the bridge!
- Clear the bridge!
Number One.
- Number Two.
Number Three.
- Number Four.
Number Five.
Isn't there some way to sneak back to
Cebu and pick up that gray paint?
No, there is not.
But a pink submarine. What if
somebody sees us? It's embarrassing.
Mr. Stovall, does she
have to be up here?
Ramon said she would give more
milk if she had fresh air, sir.
It's a boy!
Congratulations, sir!
3 January, 1942.
21:30.
Born to Mrs. Manuel Garcia -
a boy.
22:55.
Mrs. Ceferino Vincenzo
has gone into labor.
The whole crew are acting like
expectant fathers;...
Seaman Fox is even having
sympathetic labor pains.
Cheer up, Fox, it will all be over soon.
- Yes, sir.
Diapers.
For the baby, sir.
- Really?
Got you.
Yes, you got me, Harmon,
now what?
Excuse me, sir, playing
blind man's buff with the kids.
Carry on.
- Yes, sir.
Hi.
- Hi.
How are you?
- Okay.
What do you know?
- Okay.
Okay.
Can I go through there?
- There's a woman in labor.
Yes, I know, but I have
to go to the engine room.
If you do not mind.
- I don't mind. Come on.
Everything all right?
- Okay, okay, everything okay.
Tostin!
Tostin!
Me and the Major were just taking
some measurements, sir.
Would you care to explain that?
Fuel oil transfer pump.
Engine room.
Is the Captain there?
What is it, Stovall?
- Kraus has the radio repeating, sir.
I'll be right up.
It looks like you were right, Edna.
We'll need some
high pressure piping.
We can get it in the
forward torpedo room.
Yes, that's right. I'll get it, Sam.
You're quite a girl, Edna.
We picked up "Tokyo Rose", sir.
I have a message for
the crew of the pink submarine
cruising somewhere
in the Celebes Sea.
Fellows, start the
New Year off right.
Surrender.
We don't know what you're
up to, but it won't work.
All you've done painting your sub pink
is make it easier to find you.
... so, why die, boys?
And now an
appropriate number.
What do you think, sir?
Well, we've got nothing
to worry about.
... their side knows and
our side knows.
There's probably some of our ships
out looking for us now.
We've checked with British,
Australian, and Dutch naval units, sir.
They have no pink submarines.
- And it's certainly not one of ours.
Intelligence feels the
"Tokyo Rose" broadcast
is a decoy so they can slip
one of their own subs through.
Well, this is one trick
they won't get away with.
Notify all Allied naval units:
Any unidentified submarine, pink or
otherwise, is to be sunk on sight.
Sir.
- What?
A destroyer on the
starboard bow.
It's one of ours.
How do you want to contact them, sir?
Our radio still isn't transmitting.
Signal them. Get Harmon to
the conning tower. Stand by to surface.
Submarine surfacing
port bow!
It's that pink sub!
Surface action port!
- Surface action port!
Fire when ready!
- Fire when ready!
Jesus Christ! Take her down!
Clear the bridge!
Take her down, fast!
Establish sonar contact.
All engines ahead full. Stand by
to fire depth charges.
- Stand by to fire depth charges.
They're coming in
for the kill, sir.
Rig for depth charges.
Silent running.
Excuse me.
Flooding on number two periscope.
Flooding number two
periscope, sir.
Clear the conning tower.
Clear the conning tower.
- Clear the conning tower.
Clearing below.
Get on the sound gear and report developments.
- Yes, sir.
They don't have to hit us, sir.
They're going to shake us apart.
All stop.
All stop.
It's twins!
One of each!
Captain, Sonar says they're picking up
something like babies crying.
That's what they say, sir.
Stay on that sound.
- Stay on that sound.
They may have a weapon
we know nothing about.
Keep them quiet.
That's an order.
What do you suggest we do?
- You are nurses. Make them stop.
We're trying.
- What is so difficult about keeping babies quiet?
Oh, you try.
I can't. I have to go back
to the control room.
Here, try this one?
- Certainly.
Thank you.
You'll be a wonderful father.
Don't bother trying.
He's already engaged.
To a super chief.
Hunkle, get all these
pillows and blankets.
What's up, Chief?
- The skipper's wants them to think we're sinking.
We're sending up an oil slick and
everything that isn't tied down.
Give us a hand, Dooley.
- Okay.
Sorry, ladies.
And these life jackets, sir?
- Might as well. Throw them in.
Tube three ready to fire, sir.
Captain, look!
We've sunk them.
Maybe.
Or they could be
pulling a fast one.
Continue depth charges.
- Continue depth charges.
They're not buying it.
They got your girdle, Edna.
That's all right, Sam.
You know? I spent a lot of years
disliking women.
But I don't dislike you.
Really?
You are different.
You're not a woman.
You're more than that.
You're a mechanic.
Thank you, Sam.
Just when somebody comes up
with an idea how I can go home.
What idea, Hunkle?
- Lieutenant Reid, sir.
She figured out what I can do about Gertie.
- Yes?
Tattoo panties and a bra on her.
- Oh, that's nice.
Panties and a bra.
Panties and...
Sir, we've been sending up
the wrong stuff!
This is the Captain.
Nurses will return to
their quarters and take off...
... their undergarments.
- Mr. Holden will be
right there to collect them.
Here.
Okay, lock it up.
Captain, off the port bow.
More debris.
That's debris?
Stand by with a
grappling hook!
Come on, get that
thing up here!
Come on, come on!
The Japanese have
nothing like this.
Cease fire!
Captain, this is going
to be terrible.
We should have
come in at night.
I'm afraid it's too late, Chief.
We're already committed.
Fall in.
- Yes, sir.
All right.
Fall in!
Sir, we're never going
to live this down.
We may be pink and coming in by the grace
of a woman's brassiere, but we're coming in.
Show the colors!
- Show the colors!
Admiral.
The Captain's arriving, sir.
And we're ready get underway.
Thank you, Chief.
Chief, will you drive Mrs. Holden
and the boys back? Thank you.
Bye, baby.
Bye, darling.
- Bye, boys.
Attention on deck!
Carry on.
Good morning, Admiral.
- Morning, Captain.
Any last-minute reprieve?
- No go.
I hate to take her to the junkyard.
- Yes, I know.
A new atomic submarine comes
off the ways in a month;...
its the same name... "Sea Tiger".
It will be your next command.
That's great. Thank you, sir.
Here's something else.
Did you put everything here?
- Yes, everything.
I feel it will be in safer hands now.
- You know it will.
I suggest you don't show it to your children
until they're old enough to understand.
All right, Nick, take her away.
- Yes, sir.
By the way, where is my wife?
- I don't know. She never showed.
Attention on deck!
Okay, Jack. Let's shove off.
Aye aye, sir.
Take in the brow!
Take in all lines!
Hi Uncle Matt.
- Hello guys, how are you?
What happened to her?
We waited as long as we could
and finally took a cab.
That must be her.
Yes, that's her.
Driver! The bumpers
are hooked!
Stop!
Hey driver!
Stop!
Darling, I 'm terribly sorry.
I stepped on the brake...
- Leave it. Never mind.
Yes, but your car...
- I know, dear. Don't worry...
they'll stop it at the gate.
Strange, still that number one engine
I guess they were never able to fix that.