Pages of Love (2022) Movie Script
1
It seems everyone
has found love but me.
What is love?
And where do you
find a good man?
Could you tell me, please?
I want to walk in the
park with someone.
I want to laugh with
the love of my life.
And when will I
find that true love?
It must be true that all men
are broken, busted, misfits,
married,
or
In jail.
What does it take to
have a good marriage?
Heck, even a good relationship?
And minimizing your
television and phone time
before bed, but keeping
everything ready for morning.
For example, if you
wish to go to the gym,
then put out your gym
outfit before you go to bed.
All right. What are
we watching today?
Hey, we watching
something that's telling me
how to get up early.
Okay.
But I have a question for you.
Were you out to lunch when
I was talking about love?
With that being said,
I always wanted to
perform the wedding
of my daughter and
future son-in-law,
but honey, you can't marry hope.
You got to marry a man.
So let me give you
the pages of love.
For the letter A, you
want an anointed man.
Anybody can be dipped in water.
I'm talking about
the true anointing.
You want a man that
will accommodate,
appreciate, accept,
and acknowledge you.
For the letter B, you want
a Bible-believing man,
a man that is benevolent,
a man that is not broke,
and one that will not
leave you brokenhearted.
Not broke. Not broke.
And for the letter C,
you can't seek comfort
under the covers.
You want a man that is credible,
concerned, considerate,
and will make a
commitment to you
and make you his centerpiece.
You know, like a classic man.
Mmm, I love a classic man.
So you want a companion?
No, my shirt says it all.
I have my dog,
'cause men are either
broke, married, busted,
or getting three squares a day.
Three squares? What's that?
Three square
meals a day in jail,
where the taxpayers are
paying for their medical,
dental, and vision.
Gotcha. Never heard it
put that way though before.
Well, I know someone.
His name is Mariano
and he's an accountant.
An accountant or an errand boy?
Now wait a minute.
Would I suggest an
errand boy for you?
Hmm.
He jogs three miles
every evening in the park.
Want me to give him your number?
Don't give no broke,
busted bum my number.
I'll meet him there.
- Okay.
- Bye.
See you later.
Hoo, been a long time
since I had a steak.
You, uh, you mind? You got this?
Well, see, I was
running earlier,
and I didn't wanna be late,
so I, I left my wallet at home.
I got you next time.
Knock, knock, baby
girl. How are you?
I'm doing good.
How are you doing?
I'm okay.
How was your date?
Well, I didn't
meet your next daddy,
if that's what you're asking.
Oh Jesus, Mom.
I'm really not trying
to see you be lonely.
How about you meet a
man on his death bed?
And that green can
keep you company,
if you know what I mean.
You're all the company
that I need, thank you.
Mmm, I wouldn't move so fast.
I can't fulfill those
needs right there.
Okay. Goodnight
and I love you.
Bye.
I love you, too.
Sugar daddy
dating website.
Hi, are you Paul?
Yes I am.
Well, good
evening. How are you?
I'm sparkling fine.
But that's lookin' great.
I'm alive and not in jail.
Call it a win.
Hmm.
Hello?
- Hey, Mom.
- What's up?
I had another bad date.
What happened?
He was
complimenting my breastuses
and basically said he's
glad he is not jail.
Honey, I'm sorry that happened.
Well, today is Wednesday
and you know we'll have
our pajama party tonight
and we can talk about
the pages of love.
So come on over so we can
have our pajama party.
Okay. Can
you believe this dude?
I cannot.
Where did you meet
this person at?
Social media datin'.
Well, I think it's time
to put social media dating
to bed, okay?
I agree, 'cause he was trying
to take me to bed.
Sorry about that, honey.
I'll see you later
tonight, okay?
- All right.
- All right. Bye-bye.
Oh, look at that.
You see how these
lions are fierce?
Yeah.
We need men to be fierce
about paying child support.
I'm sorry about your bad
date, but you will find love.
Did you ever meet
up with Mariano?
No, not till Saturday.
Well, he is a nice guy.
I don't like blind dates by you,
and you say everybody is nice.
Mariano is nice.
But anyway, let's get
back to our pages of love
for the letter D.
You want a determined,
distinguished man,
one who won't leave
you disappointed.
I think you forgot
a D word in there.
What word was that?
You don't want a dog of a man?
No, you don't
want a dog of a man,
but don't compare
a dog and a man.
Dogs are loyal.
Hmm, that is so true.
I just don't have on
my dog T-shirt today.
Maybe you can wear it tomorrow.
Now, on to the letter E.
For the letter E, you
want an educated man.
You want a man who is
eager to serve you.
You want a man who will enrich
your life and encourage you.
Lastly, you want a
man who will speak
edifying things over you.
For the letter F, you want
a man who is fond of you,
will make you his
favorite person,
and also a man that's
gonna be faithful.
I think you need to revamp
your pages of love, dear.
You forgot how many Black
men are distinguished?
Can you get off of
your Black thing?
Stop livin' in the past.
I know you have these
children and the Black men
aren't paying the child
support, but let's move on.
Find somebody who's nice,
who's gonna be willin'
to take care of you,
your lovely children,
and that's gonna be good.
You will find love.
A Black man?
I don't care what
color the man is.
Just find love and
live a full life.
Black love is true.
Black love is
true. It's got to be.
You see all these Black
people running around here?
They're doing
something to procreate.
Procreate. What
does that mean?
To make babies.
Mmm. Okay.
I'm gonna go ahead
and take the remote
because you are watching
too much Hallmark Channel.
Can you stop it?
Love is always a gamble,
and I have been gambling
with my love life.
I've had my fair
share of bad men,
let me tell you.
There was Charles, who couldn't
charm his way into a job.
Then there was Scott
in sales who wanted
a side piece.
Then there was Kyrie,
who wanted you to pay.
Why do you and Dad have
such a good relationship?
Relationships are work.
We have a strong foundation.
We've got trust,
grace, peace, loyalty,
and a whole lot of love.
You talking like your
life is a Lifetime movie.
Well, your Dad loves me.
He's accepted you
as his daughter.
And where do you think
Lifetime is getting
those stories from?
Somebody's experiencing
a fairytale love.
Okay, well it ain't me.
But I don't want to
be one of those girls
who can't find love because
something's wrong with her.
Now it really is true
that all the good guys
are either taken or in jail.
Well, when you're
fishin' the gutter,
you're gonna come up
with sewage and rats.
Tell me about that.
Baby, it's all in God's timin'.
Well, let's see
about God's timing
'cause I have a
date this Friday.
Why did you have all those kids?
Because I was young, dumb,
full of eggs and I was looking
for somethin' supersized.
Did you find your supersize?
No, more like a
Hershey's chocolate chip.
Well, you've got no size now.
Stop lettin' those men
get you high off promises
and drunk off cheap dreams.
I like that one. You
should sell that phrase.
I think I may.
But I want you to stop it.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay, good.
Hey.
Hi, are you Mariano?
- Yeah. Are you Sam?
- Yes.
- Nice to meet you.
- Likewise.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
Thank you for coming out.
But you know you can take
off your mask, though.
I don't have Covid.
You know,
it's okay. I'm good.
Well, your mom does say
nice things about you, though.
She says that about everybody.
Oh, ha-ha. Okay.
Let's cut the chit chat.
Are you single?
Yeah. Why do you ask?
Because I
ain't got time for games.
Okay, well, I'm
not playing any, but,
so do you wanna go on a
horseback ride with me actually?
What?
On an old nag?
No, like a horseback
through the country.
How much is it?
You don't have to
worry about that.
I'm a real man. I
pay for all of that.
Mmm, we'll see.
Come on. Let's go for a walk.
Get to know each other.
Thanks for coming on
this date with me.
Okay, this is a date?
Yes.
No.
Okay, then.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Hi, guys.
- How you doing?
- Hi.
Welcome to the ranch.
So I'm gonna walk you
guys through a little bit
of horse safety
before we get started.
Okay.
If you guys wanna follow
me over to the arena,
we can get started.
- Okay.
- Okay, great.
Gonna be fun.
So when we open the gate,
we always open the gate the
way that the horse is going in.
So if we're gonna go into the
gate, we wanna open it in.
That way she doesn't
get stuck in it.
Okay.
It's safe for you
guys, it's safe for her.
So I'm gonna have you
guys stand over here.
And I'm gonna turn her around.
Okay,
good. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, you guys are
welcome to come in.
And I will shut the
gate behind you.
All right, so I'm
gonna move her over.
- We're gonna walk in.
- Okay.
So you guys can
stand on this side.
- Oh, sorry.
- That's okay.
Come on. Stand right here.
Thank you.
Okay, here we go.
All right, you ready to go?
Yup.
All right, so
climb up to the very top.
It's gonna be wiggly
'cause it's on the sand.
All right, this hand goes here.
And.
Just get her.
One hand on the
back of the saddle.
There you go. And just
swing over and sit down.
There you go.
Oh my god.
The saddle is gonna move.
How do you feel?
- It's cool.
- Good?
Yeah.
All right, now I want
you to take a deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Wiggle your shoulders.
It's supposed be fun.
You'll be all right.
Nah, feels good.
Ah, a horseback ride?
This is so nice.
And it is so refreshing for me
to not have to pay for the date.
I tell you, men.
Mmm.
He smells so good.
And oh, he feels good, too.
Thanks for the horseback ride.
Yeah, definitely. It was fun.
Thank you for coming out
on this date with me.
Hope I get to see
you soon again.
I don't let men come
to my house, I'm sorry.
Well, you can come to my
house and I can cook for you.
I'm free around
seven on Saturday.
You want me to come by
to meet your girlfriend?
I told you I ain't
got no girlfriend.
You the only one I'm seeing.
Only time we'll tell.
Okay, come on, let's go.
So how was your
date with Mariano?
It was
good. He's nice.
I told you.
You don't know him like that.
Anyways, Alexa, is
it legal for men
to not pay child support?
Here's something
I found on the web.
According to huffpages.com,
each day thousands of
men are taken to court,
ordered to pay
their child support
and placed in jail
if they do not pay.
Thank you.
I like your response.
Well, Alexa can't help you,
but my pages of love can.
For the letter G,
you want a godly man.
You want a great, giving,
generous gentleman.
Yes.
Now for the letter H,
you want a happy, humorous,
healthy man and one that
won't leave you heartbroken.
For the letter I, you
want an inspirational,
intelligent man, and
you want a man that can
give you true intimacy,
because after the sex is gone,
intimacy will be what you need.
Now, that's enough
of our pages of love.
Let's get ready for bed, okay?
Goodnight.
Okay. Goodnight.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Thanks for comin'.
Wow.
You have a nice home.
Has a woman's touch.
Is this Airbnb?
Oh, ha-ha. No, it's not.
But I am looking for
somebody to share this with.
Good luck.
Well, for a first date,
I thought we should do a
little bit of a Bible study,
if that's okay with you,
to come join me at the table?
Great. I have the
Bible on my phone.
- I bought you one.
- Oh, thank you.
No problem.
Let me anoint you with some
oil and do a little prayer.
"No weapon formed against
you shall prosper.
Lift up my eyes to the hill.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip.
He watches over you."
Hmm, first date, Bible study.
Good start, but
what's the catch?
"The Lord knows
the thoughts of man.
He knows that they are futile."
Amen. Thank you for
reading the word of God.
Definitely.
That was lovely.
Makes you think about that.
I think this is
a great first date,
reading the word of God.
- I'm glad.
- Can't go wrong with that.
I'm glad you had a good time.
I did.
I hope I get to see
you again for sure.
You will.
Mmm.
How's your food?
Good, thank you.
No problem. Let
me get the check.
Oh.
You don't have your wallet?
You know what? I'm not here
to pay your damn bills.
I understand.
I want us to be successful
together, not apart.
I go to PTA meetings by myself,
gymnastics by myself
as a single parent,
and it's quite embarrassing.
I understand.
I can't take away the pain
from your past relationships,
but I can fix it by
showing you how much
I adore and love you.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
You have a lot of
bad memories stored
in your mental Rolodex,
but now I think it's time
for you to hop on board
a cloud-based company man.
Come on, let's get outta here.
Did you find your wallet?
No.
I think they might
take Apple Pay, though.
I'll go check.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hi!
Welcome.
Nice to see you again.
Likewise.
- Please, come sit down.
- Okay.
Okay.
Think this is all ready for you.
Okay.
Put one foot in here,
one foot up here.
Tell me a little bit
more about yourself.
Well, I love guns.
I'm a Christian.
I like going to the gym.
I'm a single mom who
ain't got time for games
and I'm not gonna
sleep with you.
Well, all right.
I wasn't looking
for any of that,
but how old are your kids?
- 21 and 15.
- Oh, that's good.
Can't wait to have
kids of my own.
Okay.
How does that feel?
It feels good, but
what are you up to?
How does it feel?
Oh, it feels good. Thank you.
No problem.
So let's get this toe dried up.
I got a couple of selections
of paint for you, too.
Okay.
You wanna pick a color out?
Here's your couple
of options for you.
You like any of these?
I like this color here.
Okay, nice color.
Little bougie, but it's okay.
Oh, you like the
buttery colors, huh?
Okay, so this little
piggy went to the market.
So, what do you like to do?
I like to pray, travel, cook,
and spend time with the kids.
Okay, so all the same
things I like doin'.
Okay.
Okay.
I think we're all done here.
Just let those dry
up a little bit.
How does it look?
Wow, it looks better than
what any shop could do.
Oh, stop. It look that good?
- It does.
- I try.
So it was a fun date
with you today again.
I love always seeing you.
You mind coming back
next week, same time?
Sure. Sounds good.
You want anything else?
You got anything
else you wanna do?
You hungry or anything?
I actually am hungry.
I love Thai food.
Oh, there's a Thai pool
place around the corner
if you want to go after
your feet dry and all that.
Okay, sounds good.
Okay, let's just
wait for it to dry.
Then we can hit the road.
Okay.
Clean all this up, too.
- Hey.
- Hi!
- How you doin'?
- Good.
- You look gorgeous.
- Thank you.
Thank you for coming.
Please join me at the
dining room table.
I got a surprise for you.
What, your girlfriend?
No, that's getting old.
That comment's
not funny anymore.
Neither are the games men play.
Okay, but I'm not just any man.
I'm a gentleman.
Hmm, okay.
Come on, come join me.
Well, for today, I thought
I'd start by massaging
your hands and painting
your fingernails,
if that's okay with you.
Wow. Thank you.
This is a nice setup.
Thank you.
I got a couple colors
for you to pick out, too.
Which one would you like?
I think I'll go with
the Diamond Shimmer.
Oh, okay. Gettin' a
little bougie on me.
Let's get started.
I will try not to miss.
He's painting my fingernails?
That's very nice.
But what's he getting
ready to ask for?
A car, a house, or me to
take care of his mama.
Here like this.
I'm like, what is going on?
Oh, no. I think
we're almost done.
Just about 10 more seconds.
Yeah. How do you like 'em?
Wow, they look beautiful.
I like them.
Definitely.
Good job.
Thank you for coming again.
Same time next week?
Yes.
It's always a
pleasure to see you.
Likewise.
I need to clean this
up for us a little bit
before you get on the road.
So, how's the love life?
There is none.
What about Mariano?
What about
him? He's just a man.
Next.
Okay, we're on to the letter
J for the pages of love.
For the letter J, you
want a joyful, jovial man,
one who will give you
the jewelry you want
and one who will
jump to help you.
Say that again.
For the letter K,
you want a
knowledgeable, kind man
and a kinky man if
that's what you want.
Mmm.
And for the letter I, you
want a man who is a leader,
a man who listens, a man
who is long suffering,
and a man who will love you.
Shut up!
Shut up you in the back!
No more presents!
You look beautiful today.
Thank you. You look nice, too.
Thank you.
But why do you change
your hair every day?
Why do you change
your clothes every day?
I just wanted to get to
know your likes and dislikes.
Out of all the questions to ask,
why ask about my hair?
What you gonna do? Buy me some?
Yeah, I can buy you
anything you want.
You know what? I got go.
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait.
- I'm sorry.
- Have a good one.
Please don't leave. I'm
sorry about the question!
Mom, Mariano was nuts.
He asked me why do
I change my hair.
Okay.
Okay?
You don't ask a Black
woman about her hair.
Nothing's wrong with it.
Maybe he just wants to
know what makes you you.
Then tear off a
check. Cash out.
PayPal or Venmo me then.
I don't think he meant any harm.
How do you know?
Well, he has been our
family accountant for years.
The family accountant of what?
This family don't have
no Donald Trump money.
We took care of you
and your kids just fine.
So we in the shade room now?
Look, why miss out on a good man
for all the baggage
you have from the past?
Every man ain't good.
And you totin' around that
Bible like everybody's Jesus.
Everybody's not Jesus.
However, would you like
to be somebody's comfort,
convenience, or commitment?
Which one?
I want the comfort,
but what do you mean?
Comfort is just sex.
They come around
when they want sex
and then they don't come
back till they want more sex.
They're not around to
help you change your tire.
Also, convenience.
They call you when
they can't get ahold
of their other girlfriend.
They're bored. So,
oh, nobody's around.
Let me call her.
Now commitment, that is
when they are into you
and only you, and what
you have going on.
So when you are
looking for them,
you're not ghosted
'cause you can find them
because they're committed
to you and only you.
- Good material.
- Only you.
You need to preach
that in a sermon.
Hey, I'll think about that.
Your call has been forwarded to
an automated voice
messaging system.
9165-9949
is not available.
At the tone, please
record your message.
When you finished recording,
you may hang up or press
one for more options.
Hey, Sam.
Please call me back.
I didn't mean to
ask the question.
Ooh, it's a good workout today.
Sure is.
Now we're on the letter
M for the pages of love.
You want a man that believes
in the ministry of Jesus.
You want a man that
believes in monogamy.
You want a man that
is marriage material.
You want a man that
will make you his wife,
and a man that is
madly in love with you.
And it won't hurt if he
can give a good massage.
Amen to that.
Now, for the letter N.
You want a noble,
non-judgemental man.
A man who can give you the
spiritual nourishment you need,
a man who will not neglect you,
and a man who will
give you nonstop love.
For the letter O, you want
an outgoing, outstanding man,
one who is overqualified
in every area
to provide, protect,
and support.
Say that again. Amen.
Say that, girl.
Good morning, Jessica.
I made you some coffee.
Mmm.
I got more respect for
myself than to wake up
this early in the morning.
Goodnight.
You're not Michelle
Obama, so get up.
The only reason
why you're up in here
is because you don't
have a man in your bed.
And if you had a
man in your bed,
you wouldn't be up here
in my room talking to me
at the ass crack of dawn.
Well, I have a
date tonight anyway.
Goodbye.
Mmm, have a good one.
Come on up in here
talkin' about,
"Good morning. It's coffee."
Ass crack of dawn.
- Hi, are you Reggie?
- Yes, I am.
All right, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
All right, tell me what you
like and what you don't like.
Well, I don't like to cook,
I don't like to clean, I
don't like to pay taxes,
and I don't like to
sign birth certificates.
Do you have children?
Not that I know of.
I don't sign birth certificates.
Please explain.
Well, as a man, if you
sign a birth certificate
and cut an umbilical cord,
you're technically a father,
so I don't do any of those.
What about you?
I don't like men who
don't pay child support.
I don't like liars and
I don't like cheaters.
Well, you don't like
me, so swipe left.
All right, swipin' left. Bye.
Hello, Mom. What you doing?
Not much. You wanna
go for some ice cream?
All right. Come on outside.
I'm parked out front.
All right, bye-bye.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So how was your date?
Oh, awful.
This guy says he doesn't
pay child support
or sign his children's
birth certificates.
Sorry, baby, but that's funny.
Baby, you deserve better.
First you have to be fly, F-L-Y,
and that means
first love yourself.
And when you love yourself,
you won't be desperate.
Okay, well, have you
ever been asked for a Dana?
A Dana? What's that?
A DNA test.
Well, no, but he still
didn't take care of the kids.
The feeling is the same.
And don't have a dream
between your legs.
Have it in your mind.
That's a good one.
Well, do you know that
he asked the judge
for a retest on the DNA test?
You can't have a
retest on a DNA test.
This ain't no SATs
where you get a retest.
No, it's not.
That's funny.
- Hi, are you Percy?
- Yeah.
Hi.
Let's cut to the chit chat.
What are you looking
for in a relationship?
I'm not looking
for a relationship.
I'm looking for
relations. You feel me?
I hope you could relate to
that, 'cause I like open doors.
So do I. Bye.
No one is
available to take your call.
Please leave a message.
Hey, Sam, please call me back.
I miss talking to you.
I'm pretty sure you won't
find another man like me.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Here.
It's a peace offering.
Thank you.
But let's just forget
about it, okay?
Okay.
Well, come sit down
and relax with me then.
Okay.
Well, it is a
nice day for a fire.
Yeah, the air is crisp up here.
I'm a little bit cold.
Why don't you come
sit next to me?
Okay.
See? I don't bite.
Okay.
I love this show, too.
It's so good.
Who's that? Your girlfriend?
No, she's sitting
right next to me.
Well, let me get
my gun out there.
No, no, no, no. Wait.
You don't need that.
I'll protect you.
I won't let anything
happen to you.
The unexpected knock at
the door says I need this.
Okay, let me just see who it is.
I'll take care of it.
Leave that in there!
It's okay.
- Hey.
- Hey, Mariano.
How you doing?
I'm good.
How you doing?
I'm fine.
I was in the neighborhood,
so I thought I'd drop by.
What y'all doing?
We are not having sex.
You, I tell you, you
are something else.
And Mariano, I really
can't by to invite you
Saturday to come over
for drinks with us.
Two o'clock.
Oh, okay. I'd love to.
Definitely, sounds good.
Okay. And you, you be good.
I love you, okay?
Love you, too.
- Okay, see y'all later.
- Bye.
I'll see you later, Joan.
I'll see you Saturday.
Okay, bye.
You runnin' checkups
on me now or somethin'?
Yes, I am.
Oh, well how you gonna
say it's my girlfriend
when that was your mom?
- Well, it happens.
- Oh, Lord.
Let's get the fire started.
Let's just chill for
the rest of the day.
Okay.
Since the checkups are done.
Yes.
Hi.
Hey.
Thanks for having me.
- Thanks for comin'.
- No problem.
Your mom's sweet, by the way.
How you doing, though?
Actually, not so good.
You know what?
What?
Someone just hit my car
and I'm a Uber driver,
so I need my car to drive,
and they won't let you drive
with damage to your car.
Wow. Yeah, I understand.
Can I take a look at it, though?
- Sure.
- Come on.
It's the one in
the front, right?
Indeed it is.
Ooh.
I'm sorry they hit you,
but I can get that
fixed for you.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, I can.
You wanna come spend the night?
I can go take it to the
shop in the morning.
I won't hold my breath.
Okay.
You can actually have the
whole top floor if you like,
if that makes you
feel more comfortable.
I feel just fine. I got a gun.
All right, then. My bad.
What happened, though?
Some lady sideswiped me.
Mmm. Yeah, I hate those.
You got her information
and everything, though?
I did.
Oh, yeah. That'll
be an easy fix then.
All right.
Well, you ready to go inside?
- I am.
- Let's go.
Yeah, ready for drinks.
Don't look at the camera.
There you go.
There you go. Drink.
There you go.
Are we gonna do a cheers?
Oh, Lord.
Indubitably. Cheer it up.
You wanna pour
some more in there?
Yeah, I'll take this one.
You trying to get more.
Oh. Oh.
Yeah, I think I'll have.
Oh!
Top me off right here.
- Oh! Oh!
- Thank you.
Oh, everybody wants
a little bit more.
Now I gotta get
some of this stuff.
Oh, God, I done
spilled a lot of it.
- Spill everywhere.
- My bad.
Do you have any spit cups?
No, I don't have any spit cups.
Oh!
- Salute.
- Ready?
It's okay to let me love you.
I get acute loneliness
when I'm not with you.
Sorry, but my heart is guarded.
So how can I break through?
You can't.
So no man can never love you?
Well, God says He'll never
leave you nor forsake you.
Can you beat that?
No.
But maybe with God's
help, I can come close.
And the way I live, my love
for you is unstoppable.
Okay, that sounds like
that came from a script.
I mean, it was from a TV show.
Okay, you got me there.
But it is true.
It's the way I feel about you.
I do have jingling love for you.
Okay.
Just, just, okay?
What do you want me to
say to that besides okay?
You took it from a movie.
Well, I mean it too, though.
It's come generally
from my heart,
from that movie to you.
No, it would've been original.
Okay.
Well, I'll make
something up original
when I'm a little
less tipsy, okay?
'Cause I was just
drinking with your mom.
You had a good time, right?
10-four.
10-four. Okay.
Did that happen? 10-four?
10-four.
Hello?
Hello.
How are you, Joan?
I'm blessed. How are you?
I'm good.
Good to hear, too.
Hey, can you please get your
daughter to spend the night?
I'm trying to get her car fixed
'cause I don't want her
to go home without a car.
Yes, you know, she carries
around a lot of baggage
from her past relationships,
so you know, she is cautious.
I understand,
and I will wait
for her to open up.
Well, thanks.
You guys make a great couple.
A great gun totin' couple, huh?
Well, you know
she loves her guns.
Yeah, that
she does, that she does.
Okay, I'll talk to her.
Okay.
Thank you, Joan.
You're welcome. Bye-Bye.
Bye.
Good morning, baby.
Good morning. How are you?
- I'm fine.
- Okay.
Got a surprise outside.
What? More bills?
No, but it can help
you pay some bills.
Okay, here we go.
More Sesame Street games.
- Let's go see.
- Okay.
Let's go see Bert,
Ernie, and Elmo.
Wow.
Who fixed my car?
Mariano.
Well, where is he?
He dropped it off
early this morning.
He had to go to work.
Okay, well, I'll thank him
on my next date with him.
Looks good, huh?
Yeah, it looks really good.
- Surprise!
- Surprise, surprise.
Nice bow.
Love it.
I'm glad you came, though.
I was looking forward
to seeing you again.
Likewise.
Thank you for fixing my car.
How much do I owe you?
Nothin'.
Just all the time I
spend with you is enough.
I think I hear the
neighbor's dog barking.
Okay, but how can I spend
more time with you, though?
I love animals.
I can tell by all the
dog T-shirts you got.
What do you got?
Like 20 of them?
- The exact number.
- Yes.
Oh, Lord.
So what does make you happy?
- My dogs and my kids.
- Oh, wow.
That's a good answer.
You're a good mom.
Thank you.
I really enjoy
spending time with you.
Let's get back to the show.
This is my favorite part.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You lookin' good.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
These are for you.
Oh, thanks.
Go put those on.
I'll see you when you get done.
The bathroom's the
first door on the right.
Okay. Thank you.
Please, come lay on the table.
This is different.
Well, I'm different from
anybody else you ever dated.
So we're dating?
I think so.
Come on, get on. I'll help you.
Don't fall now.
It's okay.
I got two scents, actually.
I got lavender
and
vanilla.
Which one would you like?
Vanilla, please.
Ooh, good choice.
This is will smell really good.
All right, so just relax.
Let take all the tension away.
What is this guy up to?
No man does this type of stuff
without wanting
something in return.
Jesus, is this real?
Okay.
I think we're all done here.
I hope I relieved some of
the tension that you have.
Oh, yes, you did.
Thank you.
Definitely.
Thank you for coming.
Would you mind joining
me next weekend
at the farmer's market?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
Is there anything
else you wanna do?
We can go get something to
eat if you're still hungry.
I'm always game
forgetting something to eat.
Okay, cool.
There's a new place
actually across the way.
Wanna go check it out?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
Get you all lathered up.
Hope you ain't too relaxed.
Don't fall off the thing now.
Beautiful day.
We're gonna continue
with the pages of love.
We're on the letter S.
You want a safe man
who can give security
and provide a stable,
safe environment.
Now for the letter T,
you want a man who
is trustworthy,
transparent, tender,
and thoughtful,
and who wants you on his team.
I'll give you a bonus
with the letter T.
Stay away from a
man who will put you
through a tumultuous
relationship
with trials and tell you tales.
Now, the letter U.
You want a man who loves
you unconditionally.
You want an understanding man.
You want a man who can
make a union with you
as in marriage because
marriage is a union.
And lastly, you don't want
a man who's unemployed.
I'm glad to see you
again. You look wonderful.
Thank you.
Temperature in here feels good.
Yeah.
What's new with you?
Well, I'm trying to
buy this clothing store,
and the price went up $50,000.
- 50,000?
- Mmm-hmm.
What? Where is that?
In Sacramento at
4633 Auburn Boulevard.
Hmm. Auburn, huh?
I'm gonna take a look at it.
You hungry or anything?
You want anything to eat?
Yes.
- What you in the mood for?
- Chicken and waffles.
Okay, let's go.
You wanna order it to
go or you wanna go out?
Why don't we order in?
Okay, okay, let's
get ready to go.
Okay.
And then we can bring it back,
start the movie, get some
popcorn ready for us.
Let's go.
Okay.
Hello?
Hey, Sam, can you meet me at
4633 Auborn Boulevard tomorrow?
Sure,
yeah. What's up?
I'm gonna be in the area.
I got a surprise for you, too.
Mmm,
okay. See you there.
Okay, cool.
See you tomorrow.
All right. Bye-Bye.
Bye.
Auborn?
Auborn, yup.
All right, so give her a...
Hey.
Hey, Mariano.
- You made it.
- Yes. What's this?
I wanted to surprise you.
With what?
I bought you a store.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
How did you and when did you?
Well, now you don't have
to drive Uber anymore.
So here, actually take a look.
- Okay.
- Let's take a look inside.
Oh, you hear that?
- I do.
- Oh.
Wow.
What do you think?
This looks so beautiful.
I'm glad you like it.
I love it.
What a beautiful store.
I'm glad you like it.
Oh, yes.
Wow. This is absolutely amazing.
Thank you. I'm
glad you like it.
I love it.
They got some cool little
stuff in here, right?
Yeah.
Now it's all a
little bit set up,
so now you can do
whatever you want to it.
Thank you.
Look, they already
got some $5 jeans,
brand new, ready to go.
Right, right. Yeah.
They got everything here.
Do they have any dog apparel?
Oh, I don't know.
We gotta look around.
Oh, I think some over there.
Hey, I wanted to say something.
A gentleman is someone who
brings more into the world
than he takes out of it,
so I got you this.
- Wow. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
It says, "Handmade with love."
And it is.
And this is a hundred
things I wanna do for you
because I care about you.
Let's open it up
and take a look.
This says you wanna
be my travel buddy.
Yes. I want to
travel the world.
And I hope to do that with you.
This one says, "I'm your type."
"I wanna be your lover."
Oh.
This one says you want
to be my chauffeur.
Yeah, 'cause I can show
you around everywhere.
And this one says, "I
wanna be your Santa Claus."
Okay.
You do gotta make the nice list.
You can't be on
the naughty list.
This one says you
want to be my provider.
Yes, I can provide
anything you want.
And this one says, "I want to be
your massage therapist."
Aww.
I give the best
massages. You gotta wait.
Aww.
This one here says you
want to be my bellhop.
Yeah, that was a funny one.
I knew you'd like that one.
And "I wanna be
your biggest fan."
Aww.
This one here says you
want to be my TV buddy.
Because I love my TV shows.
And this one
says, "I want to be-
- You wanna be my
breakfast in bed buddy.
I cook a mean breakfast.
This one says you
want to be my anchor.
Yes, 'cause I can hold you down.
And this one says, "I
wanna protect you."
- Oh, thank you.
- From everything.
So don't pull out
a gun on me now.
This one says you want
to be my forever partner.
I do want to.
And this one says,
"I want to be the father
of your children."
Aw, thank you.
What does your shirt say?
Oh, my shirt says, "Looking
for Mr. Right, swipe."
Oh, I like that.
Speaking of looking
for Mr. Right,
we're gonna finish
the pages of love,
and I wanna tell the ladies
on your YouTube channel.
Well, how are you
gonna share it with them
if you haven't shared
it with me first?
Well, I'm getting ready to.
Ladies, for the pages of love,
we are on the letter V.
For the letter V,
you want a man that has
values and a vision,
a man that will
volunteer to help you.
You do not want a man that
will verbally abuse you
or leave a void in your life.
For the letter W, you want
a wonderful, working man,
one that can worship with you
and one that will worship you.
And lastly, ladies,
you do not want a man
that is weak and whining.
For the letter X,
you want a man that
will XO XO all over you.
And when you x-ray his heart,
you'll find love for you there.
And lastly, ladies, you do
not want a man on Xanax.
I like that, ladies.
And one thing I
want to comment on
is she said, "Working man."
It's always good to have
a gainfully employed man.
Yes it is.
And as I said,
wonderful, working man,
and we think any man that
workin' is wonderful.
That's it, ladies.
Thank you, YouTube family.
Bye!
Bye!
God bless you.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for inviting me.
No problem.
You wanna do some
Bible study and prayer?
Absolutely.
You know I got the
Bible on my phone.
- I'm ready.
- Okay, okay.
You're getting a
little bougie on me.
Let me get my Bible up out, huh?
Okay, so since God is the
source of every blessing,
why don't we start
with Psalm 67:5?
Okay.
Cool. Let me get that open.
Okay.
The word says,
"The father unto the fatherless
and the protector of widows
is God in his holy dwelling."
Verse six.
"God sets the
lonely in families."
Sam, I want to be the
father of your children.
I will protect you
and I will give you the
family that you desire.
Amen. That's the word of God.
But why do you always
ignore the things
I try to do for you?
I'm not ignoring,
I'm just processing,
because I see the lines or lies.
I understand.
But I assure you, this is me.
This is my heart and I
wanna give it to you.
Okay.
We'll see.
Okay, well, did
you enjoy the food?
I did. Thank you.
I'm glad you really came out.
I always have a
wonderful time with you.
Likewise.
You look amazing
today, by the way.
- Thank you so much.
- No problem.
What you wanna do next week?
I wanna go for a
boat ride, please.
Oh.
Oh, you gettin'
real bougie on me.
I am.
I'll take you out on a
boat ride. That's fine.
- Thank you.
- Can't wait to see you again.
Likewise.
Hey, well tonight I thought
we should do a movie night.
Okay. I fall
asleep during movies.
What? Why is that?
I be so tired from workin'.
Okay.
But hopefully in the future
I can help with that.
Hmm. So movie night, huh?
Yeah, hold on.
I gotta get somethin' for you.
All right, Roger, you're
gonna vote for one couple.
Okay, a round of applause.
So you see, at this movie,
all the snacks, all the popcorn,
all the drinks are free.
- Thank you.
- This one is for you.
This is so cute.
Mmm, popcorn need
a little bit of salt.
It's okay.
Top of the movie.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, how you doin'?
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, I just came over to
finish our pages of love.
You thought I
forgot, didn't you?
I did.
Well, I did not forget.
And we are on the letter
Y for the pages of love.
The letter Y, you want a man
that says yes to your request.
You want a man who yearns
for you in your absence.
And you want a man who can
yield a harvest for his family.
For the letter Z, you
want a man with zeal.
You want a man who
will zoom to help you.
You want a man who
can keep his zipper up
and who's not
zigzagging through life.
Now, when he zooms to help me,
what kind of car will he be in?
It doesn't matter, as
long as he's zooming, okay?
To come to your rescue.
That's what you want.
Zeal and zooming.
And also, what I
wanna tell you last,
you do not, and I repeat,
do not want a man
who's on Zoloft.
No.
And now I would like
to encourage you,
don't miss out on Mariano,
a good man, because
of your past.
Think of all the
dates you've had
and all the things
he's done for you.
Nobody else has done
anything for you
except leave you pregnant
and left holding the bag,
an empty bag with
no child support.
So think back on how he cares
for you and respects you.
Sprinkles.
Samantha, baby, I got
something sweet for you.
Come in the kitchen.
I'm comin'!
What you got?
Tada!
Look. We gonna make
our own ice cream.
Wow, I like this.
- You ready?
- Yes.
Okay, let's get started.
Already prepared
everything for us.
So I got, before
the ice fall out.
Got some bags of ice for us.
Okay.
So we got some
strawberry vanilla extract
and our heavy cream
and all that stuff.
We got some gummy bears, some
sprinkles, chocolate sauce,
some strawberry sauce.
And ready to get started?
- I'm ready.
- Okay.
We're gonna take this cup,
pour it in one of these.
Okay.
Ah, there we go.
Make sure I don't spill it.
Here we go.
Okay.
And close it up.
Drop it in the ice bag.
Okay.
I don't know why you're
better at this than me.
I thought I planned it.
Is this supposed
to be our ice maker?
Yes, that's the ice maker.
Okay.
Place it in there.
Close up the bag,
get the air out.
Start shakin'.
Old school way, huh?
Old school.
I thought it would
be fun for us to do.
Okay.
Still going faster than me.
Thought I was plannin' this.
Okay, get it all ready,
and start shakin'.
I think that's ice cream now.
Okay.
- Wanna check them out?
- Yeah.
All right.
How yours lookin'?
Oh, yeah.
Aw, yeah.
Oh, yeah. This is ice cream.
Ooh, looks good.
Got a good workout,
I guess, yeah.
- Got a good arm workout.
- Right.
You get tired from
that, too. Oof.
- Oh, look! Ice cream.
- Oh, right!
It came out so
good.
Look at that!
Beautiful.
Homemade, too.
I got some toppings
over there for you, too,
if you wanna take
some sprinkles,
gummy bears or chocolate
sauce or anything.
I think I'm gonna
take some sprinkles
and some gummy bears.
You remember that cartoon
called "Gummy Bears?"
Yeah, I do.
That one was a good one, though.
You want chocolate sauce
or strawberry, did you say?
I will just take a little
splash of chocolate sauce.
A little splash?
That's enough?
- Yes, thank you.
- Okay, cool.
Cheers
to the ice cream we made.
It's pretty good.
- Hmm, I like it.
- Mmm-hmm.
Make more homemade
ice cream after all.
Maybe not. It was a lot of work.
I don't know.
I don't know how they
did it in the old days.
This is actually
pretty good, though.
Thank you for spending
the time with me.
Thank you for inviting me.
Mmm-hmm.
Any time.
You always have something
creative up your sleeve.
I try. I try.
I'm trying to be
different, you know?
Can't be the same
as everybody else.
And this is actually hella good.
I'm surprised. It
came out really good.
Wanna come back next week?
- Mmm-hmm.
- Same thing?
Mmm-hmm.
Are you hungry or anything else?
Nope.
Or this dessert is fine.
This is real good right here.
Real good.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
You look fabulous as always.
Thank you.
Thank you for coming.
Come join me at
the dinner table.
Let me pull out your chair.
No, I got it.
Let me handle it for you.
Okay.
- Here we go.
- Thank you.
No problem.
I made us a little bit of
fish and some salad today.
- Okay.
- I hope you enjoy it.
- Tastes great.
- Thank you.
So how was your day?
- Pretty good.
- That's good.
I do have an important
question to ask you.
I do want to be your rock.
I wanna be your foundation.
I wanna protect you, love you.
I want your kids. I want you.
I want your problems.
Will you answer
me this one thing?
Oh, my.
Will you marry me?
Am I being punked?
No, of course not.
Why would you be punked?
But you're gonna punk
me if you say no.
Yes, yes!
Oh my gosh, yes!
Let me see your hand.
Oh.
Fits just right.
Thank you so much.
Appreciate you.
Thank you.
Love you so much.
I love you, too.
Let's finish our food.
Before we smell
like too much fish.
Moral of the
story is believe in love,
and the fairy tale love
that you want is out there.
Love found me and it
will find you, too.
Embrace that true,
authentic love.
He who finds a wife
finds a good thing
and receives favor.
It seems everyone
has found love but me.
What is love?
And where do you
find a good man?
Could you tell me, please?
I want to walk in the
park with someone.
I want to laugh with
the love of my life.
And when will I
find that true love?
It must be true that all men
are broken, busted, misfits,
married,
or
In jail.
What does it take to
have a good marriage?
Heck, even a good relationship?
And minimizing your
television and phone time
before bed, but keeping
everything ready for morning.
For example, if you
wish to go to the gym,
then put out your gym
outfit before you go to bed.
All right. What are
we watching today?
Hey, we watching
something that's telling me
how to get up early.
Okay.
But I have a question for you.
Were you out to lunch when
I was talking about love?
With that being said,
I always wanted to
perform the wedding
of my daughter and
future son-in-law,
but honey, you can't marry hope.
You got to marry a man.
So let me give you
the pages of love.
For the letter A, you
want an anointed man.
Anybody can be dipped in water.
I'm talking about
the true anointing.
You want a man that
will accommodate,
appreciate, accept,
and acknowledge you.
For the letter B, you want
a Bible-believing man,
a man that is benevolent,
a man that is not broke,
and one that will not
leave you brokenhearted.
Not broke. Not broke.
And for the letter C,
you can't seek comfort
under the covers.
You want a man that is credible,
concerned, considerate,
and will make a
commitment to you
and make you his centerpiece.
You know, like a classic man.
Mmm, I love a classic man.
So you want a companion?
No, my shirt says it all.
I have my dog,
'cause men are either
broke, married, busted,
or getting three squares a day.
Three squares? What's that?
Three square
meals a day in jail,
where the taxpayers are
paying for their medical,
dental, and vision.
Gotcha. Never heard it
put that way though before.
Well, I know someone.
His name is Mariano
and he's an accountant.
An accountant or an errand boy?
Now wait a minute.
Would I suggest an
errand boy for you?
Hmm.
He jogs three miles
every evening in the park.
Want me to give him your number?
Don't give no broke,
busted bum my number.
I'll meet him there.
- Okay.
- Bye.
See you later.
Hoo, been a long time
since I had a steak.
You, uh, you mind? You got this?
Well, see, I was
running earlier,
and I didn't wanna be late,
so I, I left my wallet at home.
I got you next time.
Knock, knock, baby
girl. How are you?
I'm doing good.
How are you doing?
I'm okay.
How was your date?
Well, I didn't
meet your next daddy,
if that's what you're asking.
Oh Jesus, Mom.
I'm really not trying
to see you be lonely.
How about you meet a
man on his death bed?
And that green can
keep you company,
if you know what I mean.
You're all the company
that I need, thank you.
Mmm, I wouldn't move so fast.
I can't fulfill those
needs right there.
Okay. Goodnight
and I love you.
Bye.
I love you, too.
Sugar daddy
dating website.
Hi, are you Paul?
Yes I am.
Well, good
evening. How are you?
I'm sparkling fine.
But that's lookin' great.
I'm alive and not in jail.
Call it a win.
Hmm.
Hello?
- Hey, Mom.
- What's up?
I had another bad date.
What happened?
He was
complimenting my breastuses
and basically said he's
glad he is not jail.
Honey, I'm sorry that happened.
Well, today is Wednesday
and you know we'll have
our pajama party tonight
and we can talk about
the pages of love.
So come on over so we can
have our pajama party.
Okay. Can
you believe this dude?
I cannot.
Where did you meet
this person at?
Social media datin'.
Well, I think it's time
to put social media dating
to bed, okay?
I agree, 'cause he was trying
to take me to bed.
Sorry about that, honey.
I'll see you later
tonight, okay?
- All right.
- All right. Bye-bye.
Oh, look at that.
You see how these
lions are fierce?
Yeah.
We need men to be fierce
about paying child support.
I'm sorry about your bad
date, but you will find love.
Did you ever meet
up with Mariano?
No, not till Saturday.
Well, he is a nice guy.
I don't like blind dates by you,
and you say everybody is nice.
Mariano is nice.
But anyway, let's get
back to our pages of love
for the letter D.
You want a determined,
distinguished man,
one who won't leave
you disappointed.
I think you forgot
a D word in there.
What word was that?
You don't want a dog of a man?
No, you don't
want a dog of a man,
but don't compare
a dog and a man.
Dogs are loyal.
Hmm, that is so true.
I just don't have on
my dog T-shirt today.
Maybe you can wear it tomorrow.
Now, on to the letter E.
For the letter E, you
want an educated man.
You want a man who is
eager to serve you.
You want a man who will enrich
your life and encourage you.
Lastly, you want a
man who will speak
edifying things over you.
For the letter F, you want
a man who is fond of you,
will make you his
favorite person,
and also a man that's
gonna be faithful.
I think you need to revamp
your pages of love, dear.
You forgot how many Black
men are distinguished?
Can you get off of
your Black thing?
Stop livin' in the past.
I know you have these
children and the Black men
aren't paying the child
support, but let's move on.
Find somebody who's nice,
who's gonna be willin'
to take care of you,
your lovely children,
and that's gonna be good.
You will find love.
A Black man?
I don't care what
color the man is.
Just find love and
live a full life.
Black love is true.
Black love is
true. It's got to be.
You see all these Black
people running around here?
They're doing
something to procreate.
Procreate. What
does that mean?
To make babies.
Mmm. Okay.
I'm gonna go ahead
and take the remote
because you are watching
too much Hallmark Channel.
Can you stop it?
Love is always a gamble,
and I have been gambling
with my love life.
I've had my fair
share of bad men,
let me tell you.
There was Charles, who couldn't
charm his way into a job.
Then there was Scott
in sales who wanted
a side piece.
Then there was Kyrie,
who wanted you to pay.
Why do you and Dad have
such a good relationship?
Relationships are work.
We have a strong foundation.
We've got trust,
grace, peace, loyalty,
and a whole lot of love.
You talking like your
life is a Lifetime movie.
Well, your Dad loves me.
He's accepted you
as his daughter.
And where do you think
Lifetime is getting
those stories from?
Somebody's experiencing
a fairytale love.
Okay, well it ain't me.
But I don't want to
be one of those girls
who can't find love because
something's wrong with her.
Now it really is true
that all the good guys
are either taken or in jail.
Well, when you're
fishin' the gutter,
you're gonna come up
with sewage and rats.
Tell me about that.
Baby, it's all in God's timin'.
Well, let's see
about God's timing
'cause I have a
date this Friday.
Why did you have all those kids?
Because I was young, dumb,
full of eggs and I was looking
for somethin' supersized.
Did you find your supersize?
No, more like a
Hershey's chocolate chip.
Well, you've got no size now.
Stop lettin' those men
get you high off promises
and drunk off cheap dreams.
I like that one. You
should sell that phrase.
I think I may.
But I want you to stop it.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay, good.
Hey.
Hi, are you Mariano?
- Yeah. Are you Sam?
- Yes.
- Nice to meet you.
- Likewise.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
Thank you for coming out.
But you know you can take
off your mask, though.
I don't have Covid.
You know,
it's okay. I'm good.
Well, your mom does say
nice things about you, though.
She says that about everybody.
Oh, ha-ha. Okay.
Let's cut the chit chat.
Are you single?
Yeah. Why do you ask?
Because I
ain't got time for games.
Okay, well, I'm
not playing any, but,
so do you wanna go on a
horseback ride with me actually?
What?
On an old nag?
No, like a horseback
through the country.
How much is it?
You don't have to
worry about that.
I'm a real man. I
pay for all of that.
Mmm, we'll see.
Come on. Let's go for a walk.
Get to know each other.
Thanks for coming on
this date with me.
Okay, this is a date?
Yes.
No.
Okay, then.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Hi, guys.
- How you doing?
- Hi.
Welcome to the ranch.
So I'm gonna walk you
guys through a little bit
of horse safety
before we get started.
Okay.
If you guys wanna follow
me over to the arena,
we can get started.
- Okay.
- Okay, great.
Gonna be fun.
So when we open the gate,
we always open the gate the
way that the horse is going in.
So if we're gonna go into the
gate, we wanna open it in.
That way she doesn't
get stuck in it.
Okay.
It's safe for you
guys, it's safe for her.
So I'm gonna have you
guys stand over here.
And I'm gonna turn her around.
Okay,
good. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, you guys are
welcome to come in.
And I will shut the
gate behind you.
All right, so I'm
gonna move her over.
- We're gonna walk in.
- Okay.
So you guys can
stand on this side.
- Oh, sorry.
- That's okay.
Come on. Stand right here.
Thank you.
Okay, here we go.
All right, you ready to go?
Yup.
All right, so
climb up to the very top.
It's gonna be wiggly
'cause it's on the sand.
All right, this hand goes here.
And.
Just get her.
One hand on the
back of the saddle.
There you go. And just
swing over and sit down.
There you go.
Oh my god.
The saddle is gonna move.
How do you feel?
- It's cool.
- Good?
Yeah.
All right, now I want
you to take a deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Wiggle your shoulders.
It's supposed be fun.
You'll be all right.
Nah, feels good.
Ah, a horseback ride?
This is so nice.
And it is so refreshing for me
to not have to pay for the date.
I tell you, men.
Mmm.
He smells so good.
And oh, he feels good, too.
Thanks for the horseback ride.
Yeah, definitely. It was fun.
Thank you for coming out
on this date with me.
Hope I get to see
you soon again.
I don't let men come
to my house, I'm sorry.
Well, you can come to my
house and I can cook for you.
I'm free around
seven on Saturday.
You want me to come by
to meet your girlfriend?
I told you I ain't
got no girlfriend.
You the only one I'm seeing.
Only time we'll tell.
Okay, come on, let's go.
So how was your
date with Mariano?
It was
good. He's nice.
I told you.
You don't know him like that.
Anyways, Alexa, is
it legal for men
to not pay child support?
Here's something
I found on the web.
According to huffpages.com,
each day thousands of
men are taken to court,
ordered to pay
their child support
and placed in jail
if they do not pay.
Thank you.
I like your response.
Well, Alexa can't help you,
but my pages of love can.
For the letter G,
you want a godly man.
You want a great, giving,
generous gentleman.
Yes.
Now for the letter H,
you want a happy, humorous,
healthy man and one that
won't leave you heartbroken.
For the letter I, you
want an inspirational,
intelligent man, and
you want a man that can
give you true intimacy,
because after the sex is gone,
intimacy will be what you need.
Now, that's enough
of our pages of love.
Let's get ready for bed, okay?
Goodnight.
Okay. Goodnight.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Thanks for comin'.
Wow.
You have a nice home.
Has a woman's touch.
Is this Airbnb?
Oh, ha-ha. No, it's not.
But I am looking for
somebody to share this with.
Good luck.
Well, for a first date,
I thought we should do a
little bit of a Bible study,
if that's okay with you,
to come join me at the table?
Great. I have the
Bible on my phone.
- I bought you one.
- Oh, thank you.
No problem.
Let me anoint you with some
oil and do a little prayer.
"No weapon formed against
you shall prosper.
Lift up my eyes to the hill.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip.
He watches over you."
Hmm, first date, Bible study.
Good start, but
what's the catch?
"The Lord knows
the thoughts of man.
He knows that they are futile."
Amen. Thank you for
reading the word of God.
Definitely.
That was lovely.
Makes you think about that.
I think this is
a great first date,
reading the word of God.
- I'm glad.
- Can't go wrong with that.
I'm glad you had a good time.
I did.
I hope I get to see
you again for sure.
You will.
Mmm.
How's your food?
Good, thank you.
No problem. Let
me get the check.
Oh.
You don't have your wallet?
You know what? I'm not here
to pay your damn bills.
I understand.
I want us to be successful
together, not apart.
I go to PTA meetings by myself,
gymnastics by myself
as a single parent,
and it's quite embarrassing.
I understand.
I can't take away the pain
from your past relationships,
but I can fix it by
showing you how much
I adore and love you.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
You have a lot of
bad memories stored
in your mental Rolodex,
but now I think it's time
for you to hop on board
a cloud-based company man.
Come on, let's get outta here.
Did you find your wallet?
No.
I think they might
take Apple Pay, though.
I'll go check.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hi!
Welcome.
Nice to see you again.
Likewise.
- Please, come sit down.
- Okay.
Okay.
Think this is all ready for you.
Okay.
Put one foot in here,
one foot up here.
Tell me a little bit
more about yourself.
Well, I love guns.
I'm a Christian.
I like going to the gym.
I'm a single mom who
ain't got time for games
and I'm not gonna
sleep with you.
Well, all right.
I wasn't looking
for any of that,
but how old are your kids?
- 21 and 15.
- Oh, that's good.
Can't wait to have
kids of my own.
Okay.
How does that feel?
It feels good, but
what are you up to?
How does it feel?
Oh, it feels good. Thank you.
No problem.
So let's get this toe dried up.
I got a couple of selections
of paint for you, too.
Okay.
You wanna pick a color out?
Here's your couple
of options for you.
You like any of these?
I like this color here.
Okay, nice color.
Little bougie, but it's okay.
Oh, you like the
buttery colors, huh?
Okay, so this little
piggy went to the market.
So, what do you like to do?
I like to pray, travel, cook,
and spend time with the kids.
Okay, so all the same
things I like doin'.
Okay.
Okay.
I think we're all done here.
Just let those dry
up a little bit.
How does it look?
Wow, it looks better than
what any shop could do.
Oh, stop. It look that good?
- It does.
- I try.
So it was a fun date
with you today again.
I love always seeing you.
You mind coming back
next week, same time?
Sure. Sounds good.
You want anything else?
You got anything
else you wanna do?
You hungry or anything?
I actually am hungry.
I love Thai food.
Oh, there's a Thai pool
place around the corner
if you want to go after
your feet dry and all that.
Okay, sounds good.
Okay, let's just
wait for it to dry.
Then we can hit the road.
Okay.
Clean all this up, too.
- Hey.
- Hi!
- How you doin'?
- Good.
- You look gorgeous.
- Thank you.
Thank you for coming.
Please join me at the
dining room table.
I got a surprise for you.
What, your girlfriend?
No, that's getting old.
That comment's
not funny anymore.
Neither are the games men play.
Okay, but I'm not just any man.
I'm a gentleman.
Hmm, okay.
Come on, come join me.
Well, for today, I thought
I'd start by massaging
your hands and painting
your fingernails,
if that's okay with you.
Wow. Thank you.
This is a nice setup.
Thank you.
I got a couple colors
for you to pick out, too.
Which one would you like?
I think I'll go with
the Diamond Shimmer.
Oh, okay. Gettin' a
little bougie on me.
Let's get started.
I will try not to miss.
He's painting my fingernails?
That's very nice.
But what's he getting
ready to ask for?
A car, a house, or me to
take care of his mama.
Here like this.
I'm like, what is going on?
Oh, no. I think
we're almost done.
Just about 10 more seconds.
Yeah. How do you like 'em?
Wow, they look beautiful.
I like them.
Definitely.
Good job.
Thank you for coming again.
Same time next week?
Yes.
It's always a
pleasure to see you.
Likewise.
I need to clean this
up for us a little bit
before you get on the road.
So, how's the love life?
There is none.
What about Mariano?
What about
him? He's just a man.
Next.
Okay, we're on to the letter
J for the pages of love.
For the letter J, you
want a joyful, jovial man,
one who will give you
the jewelry you want
and one who will
jump to help you.
Say that again.
For the letter K,
you want a
knowledgeable, kind man
and a kinky man if
that's what you want.
Mmm.
And for the letter I, you
want a man who is a leader,
a man who listens, a man
who is long suffering,
and a man who will love you.
Shut up!
Shut up you in the back!
No more presents!
You look beautiful today.
Thank you. You look nice, too.
Thank you.
But why do you change
your hair every day?
Why do you change
your clothes every day?
I just wanted to get to
know your likes and dislikes.
Out of all the questions to ask,
why ask about my hair?
What you gonna do? Buy me some?
Yeah, I can buy you
anything you want.
You know what? I got go.
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait.
- I'm sorry.
- Have a good one.
Please don't leave. I'm
sorry about the question!
Mom, Mariano was nuts.
He asked me why do
I change my hair.
Okay.
Okay?
You don't ask a Black
woman about her hair.
Nothing's wrong with it.
Maybe he just wants to
know what makes you you.
Then tear off a
check. Cash out.
PayPal or Venmo me then.
I don't think he meant any harm.
How do you know?
Well, he has been our
family accountant for years.
The family accountant of what?
This family don't have
no Donald Trump money.
We took care of you
and your kids just fine.
So we in the shade room now?
Look, why miss out on a good man
for all the baggage
you have from the past?
Every man ain't good.
And you totin' around that
Bible like everybody's Jesus.
Everybody's not Jesus.
However, would you like
to be somebody's comfort,
convenience, or commitment?
Which one?
I want the comfort,
but what do you mean?
Comfort is just sex.
They come around
when they want sex
and then they don't come
back till they want more sex.
They're not around to
help you change your tire.
Also, convenience.
They call you when
they can't get ahold
of their other girlfriend.
They're bored. So,
oh, nobody's around.
Let me call her.
Now commitment, that is
when they are into you
and only you, and what
you have going on.
So when you are
looking for them,
you're not ghosted
'cause you can find them
because they're committed
to you and only you.
- Good material.
- Only you.
You need to preach
that in a sermon.
Hey, I'll think about that.
Your call has been forwarded to
an automated voice
messaging system.
9165-9949
is not available.
At the tone, please
record your message.
When you finished recording,
you may hang up or press
one for more options.
Hey, Sam.
Please call me back.
I didn't mean to
ask the question.
Ooh, it's a good workout today.
Sure is.
Now we're on the letter
M for the pages of love.
You want a man that believes
in the ministry of Jesus.
You want a man that
believes in monogamy.
You want a man that
is marriage material.
You want a man that
will make you his wife,
and a man that is
madly in love with you.
And it won't hurt if he
can give a good massage.
Amen to that.
Now, for the letter N.
You want a noble,
non-judgemental man.
A man who can give you the
spiritual nourishment you need,
a man who will not neglect you,
and a man who will
give you nonstop love.
For the letter O, you want
an outgoing, outstanding man,
one who is overqualified
in every area
to provide, protect,
and support.
Say that again. Amen.
Say that, girl.
Good morning, Jessica.
I made you some coffee.
Mmm.
I got more respect for
myself than to wake up
this early in the morning.
Goodnight.
You're not Michelle
Obama, so get up.
The only reason
why you're up in here
is because you don't
have a man in your bed.
And if you had a
man in your bed,
you wouldn't be up here
in my room talking to me
at the ass crack of dawn.
Well, I have a
date tonight anyway.
Goodbye.
Mmm, have a good one.
Come on up in here
talkin' about,
"Good morning. It's coffee."
Ass crack of dawn.
- Hi, are you Reggie?
- Yes, I am.
All right, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
All right, tell me what you
like and what you don't like.
Well, I don't like to cook,
I don't like to clean, I
don't like to pay taxes,
and I don't like to
sign birth certificates.
Do you have children?
Not that I know of.
I don't sign birth certificates.
Please explain.
Well, as a man, if you
sign a birth certificate
and cut an umbilical cord,
you're technically a father,
so I don't do any of those.
What about you?
I don't like men who
don't pay child support.
I don't like liars and
I don't like cheaters.
Well, you don't like
me, so swipe left.
All right, swipin' left. Bye.
Hello, Mom. What you doing?
Not much. You wanna
go for some ice cream?
All right. Come on outside.
I'm parked out front.
All right, bye-bye.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So how was your date?
Oh, awful.
This guy says he doesn't
pay child support
or sign his children's
birth certificates.
Sorry, baby, but that's funny.
Baby, you deserve better.
First you have to be fly, F-L-Y,
and that means
first love yourself.
And when you love yourself,
you won't be desperate.
Okay, well, have you
ever been asked for a Dana?
A Dana? What's that?
A DNA test.
Well, no, but he still
didn't take care of the kids.
The feeling is the same.
And don't have a dream
between your legs.
Have it in your mind.
That's a good one.
Well, do you know that
he asked the judge
for a retest on the DNA test?
You can't have a
retest on a DNA test.
This ain't no SATs
where you get a retest.
No, it's not.
That's funny.
- Hi, are you Percy?
- Yeah.
Hi.
Let's cut to the chit chat.
What are you looking
for in a relationship?
I'm not looking
for a relationship.
I'm looking for
relations. You feel me?
I hope you could relate to
that, 'cause I like open doors.
So do I. Bye.
No one is
available to take your call.
Please leave a message.
Hey, Sam, please call me back.
I miss talking to you.
I'm pretty sure you won't
find another man like me.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Here.
It's a peace offering.
Thank you.
But let's just forget
about it, okay?
Okay.
Well, come sit down
and relax with me then.
Okay.
Well, it is a
nice day for a fire.
Yeah, the air is crisp up here.
I'm a little bit cold.
Why don't you come
sit next to me?
Okay.
See? I don't bite.
Okay.
I love this show, too.
It's so good.
Who's that? Your girlfriend?
No, she's sitting
right next to me.
Well, let me get
my gun out there.
No, no, no, no. Wait.
You don't need that.
I'll protect you.
I won't let anything
happen to you.
The unexpected knock at
the door says I need this.
Okay, let me just see who it is.
I'll take care of it.
Leave that in there!
It's okay.
- Hey.
- Hey, Mariano.
How you doing?
I'm good.
How you doing?
I'm fine.
I was in the neighborhood,
so I thought I'd drop by.
What y'all doing?
We are not having sex.
You, I tell you, you
are something else.
And Mariano, I really
can't by to invite you
Saturday to come over
for drinks with us.
Two o'clock.
Oh, okay. I'd love to.
Definitely, sounds good.
Okay. And you, you be good.
I love you, okay?
Love you, too.
- Okay, see y'all later.
- Bye.
I'll see you later, Joan.
I'll see you Saturday.
Okay, bye.
You runnin' checkups
on me now or somethin'?
Yes, I am.
Oh, well how you gonna
say it's my girlfriend
when that was your mom?
- Well, it happens.
- Oh, Lord.
Let's get the fire started.
Let's just chill for
the rest of the day.
Okay.
Since the checkups are done.
Yes.
Hi.
Hey.
Thanks for having me.
- Thanks for comin'.
- No problem.
Your mom's sweet, by the way.
How you doing, though?
Actually, not so good.
You know what?
What?
Someone just hit my car
and I'm a Uber driver,
so I need my car to drive,
and they won't let you drive
with damage to your car.
Wow. Yeah, I understand.
Can I take a look at it, though?
- Sure.
- Come on.
It's the one in
the front, right?
Indeed it is.
Ooh.
I'm sorry they hit you,
but I can get that
fixed for you.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, I can.
You wanna come spend the night?
I can go take it to the
shop in the morning.
I won't hold my breath.
Okay.
You can actually have the
whole top floor if you like,
if that makes you
feel more comfortable.
I feel just fine. I got a gun.
All right, then. My bad.
What happened, though?
Some lady sideswiped me.
Mmm. Yeah, I hate those.
You got her information
and everything, though?
I did.
Oh, yeah. That'll
be an easy fix then.
All right.
Well, you ready to go inside?
- I am.
- Let's go.
Yeah, ready for drinks.
Don't look at the camera.
There you go.
There you go. Drink.
There you go.
Are we gonna do a cheers?
Oh, Lord.
Indubitably. Cheer it up.
You wanna pour
some more in there?
Yeah, I'll take this one.
You trying to get more.
Oh. Oh.
Yeah, I think I'll have.
Oh!
Top me off right here.
- Oh! Oh!
- Thank you.
Oh, everybody wants
a little bit more.
Now I gotta get
some of this stuff.
Oh, God, I done
spilled a lot of it.
- Spill everywhere.
- My bad.
Do you have any spit cups?
No, I don't have any spit cups.
Oh!
- Salute.
- Ready?
It's okay to let me love you.
I get acute loneliness
when I'm not with you.
Sorry, but my heart is guarded.
So how can I break through?
You can't.
So no man can never love you?
Well, God says He'll never
leave you nor forsake you.
Can you beat that?
No.
But maybe with God's
help, I can come close.
And the way I live, my love
for you is unstoppable.
Okay, that sounds like
that came from a script.
I mean, it was from a TV show.
Okay, you got me there.
But it is true.
It's the way I feel about you.
I do have jingling love for you.
Okay.
Just, just, okay?
What do you want me to
say to that besides okay?
You took it from a movie.
Well, I mean it too, though.
It's come generally
from my heart,
from that movie to you.
No, it would've been original.
Okay.
Well, I'll make
something up original
when I'm a little
less tipsy, okay?
'Cause I was just
drinking with your mom.
You had a good time, right?
10-four.
10-four. Okay.
Did that happen? 10-four?
10-four.
Hello?
Hello.
How are you, Joan?
I'm blessed. How are you?
I'm good.
Good to hear, too.
Hey, can you please get your
daughter to spend the night?
I'm trying to get her car fixed
'cause I don't want her
to go home without a car.
Yes, you know, she carries
around a lot of baggage
from her past relationships,
so you know, she is cautious.
I understand,
and I will wait
for her to open up.
Well, thanks.
You guys make a great couple.
A great gun totin' couple, huh?
Well, you know
she loves her guns.
Yeah, that
she does, that she does.
Okay, I'll talk to her.
Okay.
Thank you, Joan.
You're welcome. Bye-Bye.
Bye.
Good morning, baby.
Good morning. How are you?
- I'm fine.
- Okay.
Got a surprise outside.
What? More bills?
No, but it can help
you pay some bills.
Okay, here we go.
More Sesame Street games.
- Let's go see.
- Okay.
Let's go see Bert,
Ernie, and Elmo.
Wow.
Who fixed my car?
Mariano.
Well, where is he?
He dropped it off
early this morning.
He had to go to work.
Okay, well, I'll thank him
on my next date with him.
Looks good, huh?
Yeah, it looks really good.
- Surprise!
- Surprise, surprise.
Nice bow.
Love it.
I'm glad you came, though.
I was looking forward
to seeing you again.
Likewise.
Thank you for fixing my car.
How much do I owe you?
Nothin'.
Just all the time I
spend with you is enough.
I think I hear the
neighbor's dog barking.
Okay, but how can I spend
more time with you, though?
I love animals.
I can tell by all the
dog T-shirts you got.
What do you got?
Like 20 of them?
- The exact number.
- Yes.
Oh, Lord.
So what does make you happy?
- My dogs and my kids.
- Oh, wow.
That's a good answer.
You're a good mom.
Thank you.
I really enjoy
spending time with you.
Let's get back to the show.
This is my favorite part.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You lookin' good.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
These are for you.
Oh, thanks.
Go put those on.
I'll see you when you get done.
The bathroom's the
first door on the right.
Okay. Thank you.
Please, come lay on the table.
This is different.
Well, I'm different from
anybody else you ever dated.
So we're dating?
I think so.
Come on, get on. I'll help you.
Don't fall now.
It's okay.
I got two scents, actually.
I got lavender
and
vanilla.
Which one would you like?
Vanilla, please.
Ooh, good choice.
This is will smell really good.
All right, so just relax.
Let take all the tension away.
What is this guy up to?
No man does this type of stuff
without wanting
something in return.
Jesus, is this real?
Okay.
I think we're all done here.
I hope I relieved some of
the tension that you have.
Oh, yes, you did.
Thank you.
Definitely.
Thank you for coming.
Would you mind joining
me next weekend
at the farmer's market?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
Is there anything
else you wanna do?
We can go get something to
eat if you're still hungry.
I'm always game
forgetting something to eat.
Okay, cool.
There's a new place
actually across the way.
Wanna go check it out?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
Get you all lathered up.
Hope you ain't too relaxed.
Don't fall off the thing now.
Beautiful day.
We're gonna continue
with the pages of love.
We're on the letter S.
You want a safe man
who can give security
and provide a stable,
safe environment.
Now for the letter T,
you want a man who
is trustworthy,
transparent, tender,
and thoughtful,
and who wants you on his team.
I'll give you a bonus
with the letter T.
Stay away from a
man who will put you
through a tumultuous
relationship
with trials and tell you tales.
Now, the letter U.
You want a man who loves
you unconditionally.
You want an understanding man.
You want a man who can
make a union with you
as in marriage because
marriage is a union.
And lastly, you don't want
a man who's unemployed.
I'm glad to see you
again. You look wonderful.
Thank you.
Temperature in here feels good.
Yeah.
What's new with you?
Well, I'm trying to
buy this clothing store,
and the price went up $50,000.
- 50,000?
- Mmm-hmm.
What? Where is that?
In Sacramento at
4633 Auburn Boulevard.
Hmm. Auburn, huh?
I'm gonna take a look at it.
You hungry or anything?
You want anything to eat?
Yes.
- What you in the mood for?
- Chicken and waffles.
Okay, let's go.
You wanna order it to
go or you wanna go out?
Why don't we order in?
Okay, okay, let's
get ready to go.
Okay.
And then we can bring it back,
start the movie, get some
popcorn ready for us.
Let's go.
Okay.
Hello?
Hey, Sam, can you meet me at
4633 Auborn Boulevard tomorrow?
Sure,
yeah. What's up?
I'm gonna be in the area.
I got a surprise for you, too.
Mmm,
okay. See you there.
Okay, cool.
See you tomorrow.
All right. Bye-Bye.
Bye.
Auborn?
Auborn, yup.
All right, so give her a...
Hey.
Hey, Mariano.
- You made it.
- Yes. What's this?
I wanted to surprise you.
With what?
I bought you a store.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
How did you and when did you?
Well, now you don't have
to drive Uber anymore.
So here, actually take a look.
- Okay.
- Let's take a look inside.
Oh, you hear that?
- I do.
- Oh.
Wow.
What do you think?
This looks so beautiful.
I'm glad you like it.
I love it.
What a beautiful store.
I'm glad you like it.
Oh, yes.
Wow. This is absolutely amazing.
Thank you. I'm
glad you like it.
I love it.
They got some cool little
stuff in here, right?
Yeah.
Now it's all a
little bit set up,
so now you can do
whatever you want to it.
Thank you.
Look, they already
got some $5 jeans,
brand new, ready to go.
Right, right. Yeah.
They got everything here.
Do they have any dog apparel?
Oh, I don't know.
We gotta look around.
Oh, I think some over there.
Hey, I wanted to say something.
A gentleman is someone who
brings more into the world
than he takes out of it,
so I got you this.
- Wow. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
It says, "Handmade with love."
And it is.
And this is a hundred
things I wanna do for you
because I care about you.
Let's open it up
and take a look.
This says you wanna
be my travel buddy.
Yes. I want to
travel the world.
And I hope to do that with you.
This one says, "I'm your type."
"I wanna be your lover."
Oh.
This one says you want
to be my chauffeur.
Yeah, 'cause I can show
you around everywhere.
And this one says, "I
wanna be your Santa Claus."
Okay.
You do gotta make the nice list.
You can't be on
the naughty list.
This one says you
want to be my provider.
Yes, I can provide
anything you want.
And this one says, "I want to be
your massage therapist."
Aww.
I give the best
massages. You gotta wait.
Aww.
This one here says you
want to be my bellhop.
Yeah, that was a funny one.
I knew you'd like that one.
And "I wanna be
your biggest fan."
Aww.
This one here says you
want to be my TV buddy.
Because I love my TV shows.
And this one
says, "I want to be-
- You wanna be my
breakfast in bed buddy.
I cook a mean breakfast.
This one says you
want to be my anchor.
Yes, 'cause I can hold you down.
And this one says, "I
wanna protect you."
- Oh, thank you.
- From everything.
So don't pull out
a gun on me now.
This one says you want
to be my forever partner.
I do want to.
And this one says,
"I want to be the father
of your children."
Aw, thank you.
What does your shirt say?
Oh, my shirt says, "Looking
for Mr. Right, swipe."
Oh, I like that.
Speaking of looking
for Mr. Right,
we're gonna finish
the pages of love,
and I wanna tell the ladies
on your YouTube channel.
Well, how are you
gonna share it with them
if you haven't shared
it with me first?
Well, I'm getting ready to.
Ladies, for the pages of love,
we are on the letter V.
For the letter V,
you want a man that has
values and a vision,
a man that will
volunteer to help you.
You do not want a man that
will verbally abuse you
or leave a void in your life.
For the letter W, you want
a wonderful, working man,
one that can worship with you
and one that will worship you.
And lastly, ladies,
you do not want a man
that is weak and whining.
For the letter X,
you want a man that
will XO XO all over you.
And when you x-ray his heart,
you'll find love for you there.
And lastly, ladies, you do
not want a man on Xanax.
I like that, ladies.
And one thing I
want to comment on
is she said, "Working man."
It's always good to have
a gainfully employed man.
Yes it is.
And as I said,
wonderful, working man,
and we think any man that
workin' is wonderful.
That's it, ladies.
Thank you, YouTube family.
Bye!
Bye!
God bless you.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for inviting me.
No problem.
You wanna do some
Bible study and prayer?
Absolutely.
You know I got the
Bible on my phone.
- I'm ready.
- Okay, okay.
You're getting a
little bougie on me.
Let me get my Bible up out, huh?
Okay, so since God is the
source of every blessing,
why don't we start
with Psalm 67:5?
Okay.
Cool. Let me get that open.
Okay.
The word says,
"The father unto the fatherless
and the protector of widows
is God in his holy dwelling."
Verse six.
"God sets the
lonely in families."
Sam, I want to be the
father of your children.
I will protect you
and I will give you the
family that you desire.
Amen. That's the word of God.
But why do you always
ignore the things
I try to do for you?
I'm not ignoring,
I'm just processing,
because I see the lines or lies.
I understand.
But I assure you, this is me.
This is my heart and I
wanna give it to you.
Okay.
We'll see.
Okay, well, did
you enjoy the food?
I did. Thank you.
I'm glad you really came out.
I always have a
wonderful time with you.
Likewise.
You look amazing
today, by the way.
- Thank you so much.
- No problem.
What you wanna do next week?
I wanna go for a
boat ride, please.
Oh.
Oh, you gettin'
real bougie on me.
I am.
I'll take you out on a
boat ride. That's fine.
- Thank you.
- Can't wait to see you again.
Likewise.
Hey, well tonight I thought
we should do a movie night.
Okay. I fall
asleep during movies.
What? Why is that?
I be so tired from workin'.
Okay.
But hopefully in the future
I can help with that.
Hmm. So movie night, huh?
Yeah, hold on.
I gotta get somethin' for you.
All right, Roger, you're
gonna vote for one couple.
Okay, a round of applause.
So you see, at this movie,
all the snacks, all the popcorn,
all the drinks are free.
- Thank you.
- This one is for you.
This is so cute.
Mmm, popcorn need
a little bit of salt.
It's okay.
Top of the movie.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, how you doin'?
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, I just came over to
finish our pages of love.
You thought I
forgot, didn't you?
I did.
Well, I did not forget.
And we are on the letter
Y for the pages of love.
The letter Y, you want a man
that says yes to your request.
You want a man who yearns
for you in your absence.
And you want a man who can
yield a harvest for his family.
For the letter Z, you
want a man with zeal.
You want a man who
will zoom to help you.
You want a man who
can keep his zipper up
and who's not
zigzagging through life.
Now, when he zooms to help me,
what kind of car will he be in?
It doesn't matter, as
long as he's zooming, okay?
To come to your rescue.
That's what you want.
Zeal and zooming.
And also, what I
wanna tell you last,
you do not, and I repeat,
do not want a man
who's on Zoloft.
No.
And now I would like
to encourage you,
don't miss out on Mariano,
a good man, because
of your past.
Think of all the
dates you've had
and all the things
he's done for you.
Nobody else has done
anything for you
except leave you pregnant
and left holding the bag,
an empty bag with
no child support.
So think back on how he cares
for you and respects you.
Sprinkles.
Samantha, baby, I got
something sweet for you.
Come in the kitchen.
I'm comin'!
What you got?
Tada!
Look. We gonna make
our own ice cream.
Wow, I like this.
- You ready?
- Yes.
Okay, let's get started.
Already prepared
everything for us.
So I got, before
the ice fall out.
Got some bags of ice for us.
Okay.
So we got some
strawberry vanilla extract
and our heavy cream
and all that stuff.
We got some gummy bears, some
sprinkles, chocolate sauce,
some strawberry sauce.
And ready to get started?
- I'm ready.
- Okay.
We're gonna take this cup,
pour it in one of these.
Okay.
Ah, there we go.
Make sure I don't spill it.
Here we go.
Okay.
And close it up.
Drop it in the ice bag.
Okay.
I don't know why you're
better at this than me.
I thought I planned it.
Is this supposed
to be our ice maker?
Yes, that's the ice maker.
Okay.
Place it in there.
Close up the bag,
get the air out.
Start shakin'.
Old school way, huh?
Old school.
I thought it would
be fun for us to do.
Okay.
Still going faster than me.
Thought I was plannin' this.
Okay, get it all ready,
and start shakin'.
I think that's ice cream now.
Okay.
- Wanna check them out?
- Yeah.
All right.
How yours lookin'?
Oh, yeah.
Aw, yeah.
Oh, yeah. This is ice cream.
Ooh, looks good.
Got a good workout,
I guess, yeah.
- Got a good arm workout.
- Right.
You get tired from
that, too. Oof.
- Oh, look! Ice cream.
- Oh, right!
It came out so
good.
Look at that!
Beautiful.
Homemade, too.
I got some toppings
over there for you, too,
if you wanna take
some sprinkles,
gummy bears or chocolate
sauce or anything.
I think I'm gonna
take some sprinkles
and some gummy bears.
You remember that cartoon
called "Gummy Bears?"
Yeah, I do.
That one was a good one, though.
You want chocolate sauce
or strawberry, did you say?
I will just take a little
splash of chocolate sauce.
A little splash?
That's enough?
- Yes, thank you.
- Okay, cool.
Cheers
to the ice cream we made.
It's pretty good.
- Hmm, I like it.
- Mmm-hmm.
Make more homemade
ice cream after all.
Maybe not. It was a lot of work.
I don't know.
I don't know how they
did it in the old days.
This is actually
pretty good, though.
Thank you for spending
the time with me.
Thank you for inviting me.
Mmm-hmm.
Any time.
You always have something
creative up your sleeve.
I try. I try.
I'm trying to be
different, you know?
Can't be the same
as everybody else.
And this is actually hella good.
I'm surprised. It
came out really good.
Wanna come back next week?
- Mmm-hmm.
- Same thing?
Mmm-hmm.
Are you hungry or anything else?
Nope.
Or this dessert is fine.
This is real good right here.
Real good.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
You look fabulous as always.
Thank you.
Thank you for coming.
Come join me at
the dinner table.
Let me pull out your chair.
No, I got it.
Let me handle it for you.
Okay.
- Here we go.
- Thank you.
No problem.
I made us a little bit of
fish and some salad today.
- Okay.
- I hope you enjoy it.
- Tastes great.
- Thank you.
So how was your day?
- Pretty good.
- That's good.
I do have an important
question to ask you.
I do want to be your rock.
I wanna be your foundation.
I wanna protect you, love you.
I want your kids. I want you.
I want your problems.
Will you answer
me this one thing?
Oh, my.
Will you marry me?
Am I being punked?
No, of course not.
Why would you be punked?
But you're gonna punk
me if you say no.
Yes, yes!
Oh my gosh, yes!
Let me see your hand.
Oh.
Fits just right.
Thank you so much.
Appreciate you.
Thank you.
Love you so much.
I love you, too.
Let's finish our food.
Before we smell
like too much fish.
Moral of the
story is believe in love,
and the fairy tale love
that you want is out there.
Love found me and it
will find you, too.
Embrace that true,
authentic love.
He who finds a wife
finds a good thing
and receives favor.