Party Crew (2018) Movie Script
Since the dawn of time, people searched
for immortality.
Some looked for the Holy Grail. Some
bathed in fountains of youth. And others
even tried to anger the gods. But in the
second calendar year, one man stumbled
upon the secret accidentally. His name was
Jeremiah, son of Simon. One morning in a
hungover daze,
Jeremiah walked right off of a mountain,
hungover daze,
but he didn't have his scratch on him.
He thought it was a fluke but clearly it
was not. Something was different and he
tried to piece it together. What did he
do last night? Did he drink from the Holy
Grail? No. Did he bathe in the fountain of
youth? No. Did he anger the gods? Well,
maybe, but not on purpose. All Jeremiah
had done the previous night was go
to a party, consume some alcohol and
have sex with someone. And then he
realized: that was it. Go to a party, drink
some alcohol and have sex with someone.
If you did it every night, you would live
forever. But of course, that would mean if
you stopped for one night, you would lose
your immortality and never get it back.
So he assembled a crew. Jacob and
Elizabeth were in charge of finding the
parties. Luke and Martha were in charge
of finding the alcohol. And Jeremiah and
Joel were in charge of keeping everyone
in tip-top hygiene to make it easier for
them to, as they said in the olden times,
get laid. The six of them worked in
perfect harmony, partying, drinking, having
sex every night, carrying on like this
for centuries. Without aging,
never getting hurt, never getting sick.
But soon, the members started dropping
off. Jacob decided to pull up his
bootstraps and get a college degree.
Elizabeth wanted to start a family. And
Luke was simply ready to die.
Joel, Martha and Jeremiah were the only
ones left and Jeremiah and Martha had
already decided it was time for them to
leave this earth. They imparted their
dying wisdom unto, Joel telling him to
carry on the lifestyle, but to only
reveal the secret to those who were
worthy. When they died, Joel did as he was
told and set off into the wilderness to
party for the rest of his days. Remaining
immortal was easier in a pack, so
he formed herd after herd, and group
after group and when he was finally
ready to die he instructed the surviving
members to do the same. These exclusive
gangs called themselves Party Crews and
they alone held the secret of
immortality from the outside world. Until
now...
[Music]
1 Missisippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4
Mississippi, 5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi, I win. Oh shit.
Wait, no it's, I'm okay. Oh thank God. Uh, guys? Do you
think it's someone trying to taunt us
like maybe they know... you know... and they're
trying to smoke us out. I don't know why
anyone would want to do that. Maybe they're
fans trying to pay their respects. Maybe it's
a whole new group altogether. Maybe
they've never even heard of us. Either
way we're gonna find out in 3 hours
[Music] Party Crew! Party Crew! Party Crew!
[Applause]
They look exactly like... Yeah... Like carbon
copies... Yeah but we can't just come right
out and ask them if they're... you know...
If the cat's out of the bag
we're gonna be in a world of shit so
we just have to trick them into
telling us so let's split up. Hi, Stephen, host of the
party nice to meet you
-Chad. -Hey. -Hi.
What you got there? A phone. Cool. Got one of those
myself. Fat metal thing in storage
I keep it tucked away. Nice fat cord
attached to it too. How are you enjoying
the party? It's fine.
Just wanted some quiet for a second.
Striking out, huh? No, I just...
You know you shouldn't party so much,
it's not good for the body. How do you know how much I party?
And you definitely shouldn't drink so much,
that'll kill you early. Oh yeah? When you get
a cut on, on like your hand or something
about how long would you say that takes
to heal? What? Hey do you have an aux
cord? A what? An aux cord. Ox like
a cow? No aux like A-U-X. Wouldn't that be
pronounced "Oh" like French? Do you really
not know what that is? Are you like a
bluetooth family or something? Bluetooth? I'm gonna
drink everyday, party every night and I'm
gonna live forever.
How did you find out about this? Uh
Chad's grandpa told us. So this
is your first night doing it? Yes.
Did you tell anybody else? No, just the
three of us and Chad's grandpa.
Good let's keep it that way. Hey wait...
Like would you say that you were worried
about cuts and stuff like because of
the gangrene and amputation and whatnot or would you say like Hey man, I ain't afraid of no knife. Okay well an
aux cord is something you plug into your
phone so that you can play whatever
music you want instead of having to rely
on like whatever CD you have. This is
available for purchase? Yeah pretty sure
you could get it anywhere. Roger that
aux, A-U-X. You're so out of touch with
everything. It's kinda cute
So it's true? If you party every night,
drink something and have sex then you'll live forever...
Ssshhh, don't say it out loud. Okay
sorry
but but but if you don't do it for one
night does that mean you go back to your
normal age---oh stop talking. Okay sorry but
that means it's true
Oh my god it's them. Their grandchildren
They even smell like them. Okay
it's definitely them. Oh I have so many
more questions to ask but wait I
kind of came out a little strong they
might not want to come back tomorrow night.
They'll definitely come back, I mean we
have a product they can't resist. (yawns) What time is it? 11
p.m
Oh man it is way past our bedtime. Yeah
we gotta get these people out of here. Wow that's really good. We're really
listening to each other physically. I'm gonna come
Oh you're gonna come I'm gonna come fuck
I'm coming, We're cumming!
Man Stephen, that last move. I know. And Yanni, really. And Asher---oh, I'm aware.
Oh man their grandchildren look just
like them. Rebecca and her
first kid. Her husband is not in the
picture
That's Chad's wedding and there's his best
man. That was a good time. We can just
skip that one. Yeah. Oh my gosh Yanni look
what you got on the 70s were not a good time for you. I
look great. I don't miss those
clothes. I look great
Okay well we'll just move on then thank
you. Yeah that's enough okay. You know
what I was thinking? What? I mean we've
made mistakes over the years right? Sure have.
Well wouldn't it have been nice to have
some role models along the way? Oh yeah definitely.
well so maybe that's what we can be for
these kids. Like Mentors. We shouldn't
tell them about this like they don't
know about us at all. No but that's
why we have to be sneaky man like sneaky
Mentors
yeah we could each only be assigned a
one kid so it doesn't get confusing okay
Yeah we should each only be assigned to
I call Rebecca I call Chad I called
one kid so it doesn't get confusing. Okay
Trevor great no conflict there okay so
I call Rebecca I call Chad I called
Rebecca said something really funny last
Trevor. Great no conflict there. Okay so
night you mean Rebecca third yeah she
Rebecca said something really funny last
said something about an ox Court acts
night. You mean Rebecca the third? Yeah she
like a cow so I said no she said it was
said something about an aux cord. Ox
a like this weird word spelled aux like
like a cow? That's what I said but no she said it was
I guess French I thought it was
a like this weird word spelled A-U-X like
pronounced oh but she said it was ah so
I guess French I thought it was
she's pronouncing about well that's
pronounced "oh" but she said it was "ox" so
that's not an important yeah me she said
she's pronouncing it wrong. Well that's
it's this weird cord you plug into the
that's not important. She said
music and you can play whatever song you
it's this weird cord you plug into the
want and you don't want to listen to the
music and you can play whatever song you
CD so yeah well I don't like it it
want and you don't have to listen to the
sounds complicated I think she get one
CDs so... Yeah well I don't like it it
thing we're gonna start going today in
sounds complicated. I think we should get one
fact you know what
I think I'll get one today.
I'm
In fact you know what, I'm gonna get one right now.
I don't like how attached Asher is
getting to Rebecca the third. I mean for Pete's sake he met
I don't like how attached after is
her last night and now today it's
getting to a third yeah I mean you met
Rebecca this Rebecca that. He just wants to
her last night and now today it's
be with it, whatever that means. Probably
Rebecca then it's Rebecca that wants to
jump off a bridge for that girl
be with it whatever that means probably
There's less RSVPs than usual. But...
jump off a bridge for that girl
Hey guys come with us! No we was gonna stay here for a
bit, we'll catch up with y'all later.
guys know we was gonna stay here for a
Yeah I gotta fulfill those requirements
bit we need to catch up with chocolate
You know I think a lot of teaching is
letting them learn on their own. Yeah
Hey look what I got. Wow an aux cord. Yeah
Congratulations. Thanks pretty easy to
find once I learned how to pronounce it
correctly. Cool do you have anything to
plug it into? What? You know like a
speaker or something?
Well I was just under the impression
that if I got the aux cord it would just you
know, do the music. Here, I have one you can use.
Rebecca what are you doing? don't worry don't worry okay okay just
just chill out
don't worry don't worry okay okay just
[Applause]
are you listening it poops making sure
you've done everything you had to do
are you listening it poops making sure
language you drink some alcohol
you've done everything you had to do
you possess them and you're in a party
language you drink some alcohol
right now catch attention check don't
you possess them and you're in a party
worry there's secret safe admit lake and
right now catch attention check don't
it'll stay safe
worry there's secret safe admit lake and
just so long as you follow me into this
it'll stay safe
office and take heed and then offer I
just so long as you follow me into this
have for you do you like the swivel
office and take heed and then offer I
chair marvelous invention the swivel
have for you do you like the swivel
chair first it's right again
chair marvelous invention the swivel
I must have spent a whole week straight
chair first it's right again
just sitting right here in this room
I must have spent a whole week straight
sooo it's a great chair but that's not
just sitting right here in this room
what we're here to talk about because
sooo it's a great chair but that's not
you can probably do I share the same
what we're here to talk about because
secret as you
you can probably do I share the same
I'm gonna turn hundred years old this
year you look great I know because I've
I'm gonna turn hundred years old this
been alive for so long and you are just
year you look great I know because I've
a fledgling youngster starting out in
been alive for so long and you are just
this business I figure I can share my
a fledgling youngster starting out in
stories with you I think you might find
this business I figure I can share my
them helpful yeah good so I am gonna
stories with you I think you might find
need you write them all down one so that
them helpful yeah good so I am gonna
you can have a written record of the
need you write them all down one so that
do's and don'ts and two because I just
you can have a written record of the
don't like writing okay but I got a
do's and don'ts and two because I just
midnight curfew top no we're not gonna
don't like writing okay but I got a
finish in one night
midnight curfew top no we're not gonna
I imagine we'll be doing a little bit
finish in one night
every night for the next few years or so
I imagine we'll be doing a little bit
shouldn't take you long
every night for the next few years or so
so our story begins in 1931 my parents
had just conceived me and boy were they
so our story begins in 1931 my parents
tired
had just conceived me and boy were they
[Music]
yeah your grandpa had a vomiting trouble
too are you okay yeah I'm fine
yeah your grandpa had a vomiting trouble
so big deal did you get everything done
too are you okay yeah I'm fine
yeah okay I got anyone want to have sex
so big deal did you get everything done
with you like that oh fuck off no I'm
yeah okay I got anyone want to have sex
sorry I'm I didn't mean it like that
with you like that oh fuck off no I'm
yeah also I'm sorry for scaring you last
sorry I'm I didn't mean it like that
night and I probably came off a little
yeah also I'm sorry for scaring you last
strong it's okay I understand I just
night and I probably came off a little
wanted to get to know you a little
strong it's okay I understand I just
better what something you said you knew
wanted to get to know you a little
my grandpa yeah I did I never met him
better what something you said you knew
what do you only hear about him hey it's
my grandpa yeah I did I never met him
almost midnight
what do you only hear about him hey it's
you still haven't hooked up with anybody
almost midnight
fuck off I mean come on do you even have
you still haven't hooked up with anybody
a game plan of course I do
fuck off I mean come on do you even have
I sit here looking bored in the corner
a game plan of course I do
until someone comes by and entertains me
I sit here looking bored in the corner
then that works yeah it usually does
until someone comes by and entertains me
except you've been talking to me all
then that works yeah it usually does
night so now I look on available it's my
except you've been talking to me all
fault
night so now I look on available it's my
yeah people probably think everyone's up
fault
with you you know Rebecca this might be
yeah people probably think everyone's up
bad advice but you got to go up to
with you you know Rebecca this might be
people yourself I mean nobody's gonna
bad advice but you got to go up to
talk to you they're not brave enough you
people yourself I mean nobody's gonna
two beautiful I'm serious
talk to you they're not brave enough you
have you got how does got here go up to
two beautiful I'm serious
him and invite him in 20 bedrooms
have you got how does got here go up to
hold my beer
Oh God what are you even doing so good
Steve it oh I'm gonna come so my dad I'm
Oh God what are you even doing so good
thinking our orgasms two nights in a row
Steve it oh I'm gonna come so my dad I'm
we are on fire this week hey are you
thinking our orgasms two nights in a row
okay yep just tired well this is going
we are on fire this week hey are you
super well I mean better than I expected
okay yep just tired well this is going
for sure look we got ten whole pages out
super well I mean better than I expected
of my art by Agra tonight he got up to
for sure look we got ten whole pages out
my breath nice vignette Trevor was super
of my art by Agra tonight he got up to
cagey before but he's really receptive
my breath nice vignette Trevor was super
now that's good yeah W man how's the old
cagey before but he's really receptive
Becca doing ah yes it's going well um I
now that's good yeah W man how's the old
think she's gonna start hooking up with
Becca doing ah yes it's going well um I
people more often no so really yeah yeah
think she's gonna start hooking up with
before she was just standing there
people more often no so really yeah yeah
waiting for guys to come up to her but I
before she was just standing there
talked to her so now I think she's gonna
waiting for guys to come up to her but I
be a bit more active that's nice are you
talked to her so now I think she's gonna
boosted her self-confidence yeah that
be a bit more active that's nice are you
will be super easy for her to have sex
boosted her self-confidence yeah that
with everyone yeah
will be super easy for her to have sex
and so it was that little Steven was
born no doctor could have possibly
and so it was that little Steven was
predicted what a beautiful life he would
born no doctor could have possibly
lead I like to be remembered a life to
predicted what a beautiful life he would
be written about and it begins now chad
lead I like to be remembered a life to
is a great ghostwriter I mean I dictated
be written about and it begins now chad
it mm-hmm oh well I can't wait for her
is a great ghostwriter I mean I dictated
chapter - oh hey so need some more
it mm-hmm oh well I can't wait for her
advice
chapter - oh hey so need some more
I don't know I'm already fucked someone
advice
denied nice yeah
I don't know I'm already fucked someone
so it was just that easy you just walked
denied nice yeah
right up to him and thank you man
so it was just that easy you just walked
the student becomes the master well I
right up to him and thank you man
guess I'll just have to start learning
the student becomes the master well I
from you then all right well then first
guess I'll just have to start learning
things first you need to set up a
from you then all right well then first
Facebook group Facebook group yeah I
things first you need to set up a
mean all these paper RSVPs and
Facebook group Facebook group yeah I
invitations they have to slide under
mean all these paper RSVPs and
someone's door it's just kind of a
invitations they have to slide under
hassle if you move it to an online thing
someone's door it's just kind of a
we're moving to a paperless world
already so if you move it to an online
we're moving to a paperless world
invitation you'll be able to reach one
already so if you move it to an online
people I think your party's betting -
invitation you'll be able to reach one
there's this one time that we were all
in a friend's car and they just gotten
there's this one time that we were all
this new like ruthless car and so trevor
in a friend's car and they just gotten
was standing up and had his head like
this new like ruthless car and so trevor
through the sunroof and his arms out and
was standing up and had his head like
he's screaming at the top of his lungs
through the sunroof and his arms out and
but the thing was there was this low
he's screaming at the top of his lungs
hanging sign up ahead that we all saw
but the thing was there was this low
and I knew he was gonna hit it and so
hanging sign up ahead that we all saw
I'm screaming at him and I'm pulling on
and I knew he was gonna hit it and so
his pants and I'm trying to get him to
I'm screaming at him and I'm pulling on
come down and he's not hearing me
his pants and I'm trying to get him to
because of the wind because he didn't
come down and he's not hearing me
care I don't know and of course he hits
because of the wind because he didn't
the sign at exactly the right angle that
care I don't know and of course he hits
it just scrapes all the skin off his
the sign at exactly the right angle that
face and it flies up in the air and
it just scrapes all the skin off his
behind the car and well when the skin
face and it flies up in the air and
were back on his actual face he went
behind the car and well when the skin
back for his original faith and he kept
were back on his actual face he went
it like a souvenir
back for his original faith and he kept
he was trevor was wild he sounds some
it like a souvenir
hardcore yeah he was
he was trevor was wild he sounds some
honey died so I got the results back and
hardcore yeah he was
I'm pregnant what I'm pregnant
honey died so I got the results back and
Oh y-yeah go getta get rid of it
obviously what do you mean no no I think
Oh y-yeah go getta get rid of it
this will be a good thing for us how are
obviously what do you mean no no I think
we gonna so how are you supposed to
this will be a good thing for us how are
raise a baby in this house doing what we
we gonna so how are you supposed to
do here every night I mean well
raise a baby in this house doing what we
obviously we'd have to give it up not
do here every night I mean well
everything because I mean but but I mean
obviously we'd have to give it up not
we could just have our own little
everything because I mean but but I mean
parties like you me and the baby and we
we could just have our own little
could get a little house somewhere and
parties like you me and the baby and we
jobs and have normal lives Rebecca seems
could get a little house somewhere and
happy and so does Chad I don't that's a
jobs and have normal lives Rebecca seems
really big commitment I don't think I
happy and so does Chad I don't that's a
can do that okay fine then I won't have
really big commitment I don't think I
sex with you today what what are you
can do that okay fine then I won't have
serious about this or I don't know sex
sex with you today what what are you
for you but you'll yeah I know I'm sorry
serious about this or I don't know sex
I just can't do it
for you but you'll yeah I know I'm sorry
we cherish it especially well just think
Nonnie babe I'm so sorry what's fine
we're even now
Nonnie babe I'm so sorry what's fine
really hmm what are you doing you die I
we're even now
know you're sleeping on the couch
really hmm what are you doing you die I
tonight we're through are you serious
know you're sleeping on the couch
look I know I fucked up and I'm I'm
sorry but I love you I don't give a shit
look I know I fucked up and I'm I'm
about that other girl I'm gonna spend
sorry but I love you I don't give a shit
the rest of my life with you
about that other girl I'm gonna spend
I'm not gonna take you back look he's
the rest of my life with you
I'm gonna raise that baby with you do
I'm not gonna take you back look he's
the plan get a house somewhere like you
I'm gonna raise that baby with you do
said please you missed your chance okay
the plan get a house somewhere like you
yo honey have you seen Trevor nope well
said please you missed your chance okay
he's moving through Carolina and Akron
yo honey have you seen Trevor nope well
are trying to help him and Yuri what
he's moving through Carolina and Akron
does know
are trying to help him and Yuri what
honey this doesn't this seem a little
does know
different
honey this doesn't this seem a little
he's an adult he can make his own
different
choices
he's an adult he can make his own
hey young Japanese sitting at the
hospital
hey young Japanese sitting at the
if you ever need a hospital I know it's
hospital
fighting us and start drinking a lot and
if you ever need a hospital I know it's
then throwing up so I was just wanting
fighting us and start drinking a lot and
to know all these throws yeah but this
then throwing up so I was just wanting
is different yarn I really think you
to know all these throws yeah but this
should go to the hospital okay look if
is different yarn I really think you
you want to take him to the hospital
should go to the hospital okay look if
that is fine you can take him but I this
you want to take him to the hospital
is City so you stop bothering me please
that is fine you can take him but I this
that guy out there he just died Oh
is City so you stop bothering me please
what's his name
that guy out there he just died Oh
I do Trevor I think uh Merton died
what's his name
somebody needs calm i won
I do Trevor I think uh Merton died
holy shit and listen to me you're a good
kid and this life is a slippery slope if
holy shit and listen to me you're a good
you don't get out early it's a lot
kid and this life is a slippery slope if
harder when you're old so just find a
you don't get out early it's a lot
nice girl and settle down
harder when you're old so just find a
trust me what happened to the baby I
nice girl and settle down
gave it up for adoption Trevor was right
trust me what happened to the baby I
this lifestyle isn't good for raising a
gave it up for adoption Trevor was right
kid but I'm clearly he grew up and made
this lifestyle isn't good for raising a
something of himself
kid but I'm clearly he grew up and made
and that's how in my mind we saved
Christmas and now every time you go to
and that's how in my mind we saved
the zoo and you see the Penguins where
Christmas and now every time you go to
they are where they are supposed to be
the zoo and you see the Penguins where
you'll know that's cuz us um and then
they are where they are supposed to be
there was the first disco party we had
you'll know that's cuz us um and then
here at the house I got so blackout
there was the first disco party we had
drunk I thought I was the disco ball and
here at the house I got so blackout
then there was that time that crazy old
drunk I thought I was the disco ball and
Herman introduced us to camp cocaine and
then there was that time that crazy old
now it's just different manners that's
Herman introduced us to camp cocaine and
it that's it but no check no check for
now it's just different manners that's
you we don't have to write every night
it that's it but no check no check for
if you want we can write every other
you we don't have to write every night
night no I'm gonna go into blankets no
if you want we can write every other
no no what does this do what does this
night no I'm gonna go into blankets no
get you other than being a loser for the
no no what does this do what does this
rest of your life and which I my grandpa
get you other than being a loser for the
was right to get on why he's still good
rest of your life and which I my grandpa
don't worry about students
[Music]
don't worry about students
[Applause]
you know what I don't I don't think I'm
gonna come but we can keep going yeah
you know what I don't I don't think I'm
yeah I'm good to keep now now it's
gonna come but we can keep going yeah
that's fine you guys can stop look it's
yeah I'm good to keep now now it's
not you guys I just I wanted him to
that's fine you guys can stop look it's
think that was cool
not you guys I just I wanted him to
think you are cool
think that was cool
now you get the Solo cups if you don't
feel up to it
now you get the Solo cups if you don't
no that's fine do you think maybe I
feel up to it
could take the pieces back together no
no that's fine do you think maybe I
no my life's not worth recounting on
could take the pieces back together no
paper wouldn't want to waste people's
no my life's not worth recounting on
time well you can't let people tell you
paper wouldn't want to waste people's
things like that you're a nice guy
time well you can't let people tell you
you're an interesting guy
things like that you're a nice guy
and Chad's 18 who cares what he thinks
you're an interesting guy
course it's so simple it is a computer
and Chad's 18 who cares what he thinks
dummy um why what do you mean why come
course it's so simple it is a computer
on man I got it for you you like it
dummy um why what do you mean why come
right yeah yeah that's that's fine okay
on man I got it for you you like it
I guess hey come on this won't a piece
right yeah yeah that's that's fine okay
of technology so I'm going to usher us
I guess hey come on this won't a piece
into a new era partying man say goodbye
of technology so I'm going to usher us
to hands-on flyers man this is gonna be
into a new era partying man say goodbye
an internet houseful from now on I
to hands-on flyers man this is gonna be
thought it even matters party crews
an internet houseful from now on I
probably not gonna want to keep coming
thought it even matters party crews
by if Chad doesn't like us so we're just
probably not gonna want to keep coming
doing stuff throwing pointless parties
by if Chad doesn't like us so we're just
for people we don't know and don't like
doing stuff throwing pointless parties
alright we're ever well that's a great
for people we don't know and don't like
attitude to have Stevens ring know how
alright we're ever well that's a great
to turn it on yes of course Yanni I
attitude to have Stevens ring know how
would've brought in the room if I don't
to turn it on yes of course Yanni I
want to turn on the computer and it's uh
would've brought in the room if I don't
just press the plus button for a little
want to turn on the computer and it's uh
bit probably yeah a little at the same
just press the plus button for a little
time or so you know probably won't turn
bit probably yeah a little at the same
on you know because you keep judging it
time or so you know probably won't turn
okay okay well why don't you just make
on you know because you keep judging it
some flyers you know you know just using
okay okay well why don't you just make
computer tomorrow okay
some flyers you know you know just using
you yeah all right we're household
computer tomorrow okay
starting tomorrow
you yeah all right we're household
don't rush into things too soon Brioni
starting tomorrow
gonna live for 100 years still go ahead
don't rush into things too soon Brioni
and move with the times
gonna live for 100 years still go ahead
[Music]
hey how's it going Steve fire yeah you
[Music]
have a computer now yeah what do you
hey how's it going Steve fire yeah you
think about that you know the whole
have a computer now yeah what do you
point of having a computer so that you
think about that you know the whole
don't have to make paper flyers anymore
point of having a computer so that you
you want to see it what's so funny
don't have to make paper flyers anymore
this is like the oldest computer I've
you want to see it what's so funny
ever seen no no no no no it's a
this is like the oldest computer I've
perfectly working computer come on just
ever seen no no no no no it's a
try it out
perfectly working computer come on just
it doesn't turn off you're just cooking
it all you have to be gentle with it and
it doesn't turn off you're just cooking
you know just talk to it a bit like you
it all you have to be gentle with it and
know how are you planning on doing with
you know just talk to it a bit like you
this thing
know how are you planning on doing with
I was I was gonna you know Facebook
this thing
group I think you said yep
I was I was gonna you know Facebook
here just watch oh oh my goodness thing
group I think you said yep
is amazing
here just watch oh oh my goodness thing
oh my god okay so I'm gonna pull up
is amazing
Facebook you know what Facebook is right
oh my god okay so I'm gonna pull up
no okay well we don't have time to get
Facebook you know what Facebook is right
into that so I'm going to make an event
no okay well we don't have time to get
okay okay like like a party
into that so I'm going to make an event
yes exactly and it'll be the exact same
okay okay like like a party
title as what's on your flyers or
yes exactly and it'll be the exact same
whatever and I can invite all my friends
title as what's on your flyers or
oh how many friends do you have how am i
whatever and I can invite all my friends
how do you have you maintain all those
oh how many friends do you have how am i
friendships I mean no sorry it's a
how do you have you maintain all those
little more complicated than that but
friendships I mean no sorry it's a
okay so look I'm sending out the
little more complicated than that but
invitation and they're going to receive
okay so look I'm sending out the
like a sort of online thing and then
invitation and they're going to receive
there's this RSVP button right here and
like a sort of online thing and then
then all the notifications will be sent
there's this RSVP button right here and
back to the computer and then you won't
then all the notifications will be sent
have to deal with the paper anymore so
back to the computer and then you won't
there you go I will publish it
have to deal with the paper anymore so
[Music]
there you go I will publish it
Wow grandma Yanni yes you have to call
[Music]
me that
Wow grandma Yanni yes you have to call
yes how do you even know her name
me that
yeah I'm singing her place tonight oh
yes how do you even know her name
that's awesome
yeah I'm singing her place tonight oh
yeah I really like her we got a lot in
that's awesome
common I'm happy for you okay bye
yeah I really like her we got a lot in
[Music]
hi where's that sure did you know he's
[Music]
100 years old right 99 I like older men
hi where's that sure did you know he's
sorry
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I think I'm in love with her how can you
not understand that she's not her well
I think I'm in love with her how can you
come on Yanni she has all the same genes
not understand that she's not her well
on the same DNA hey you didn't work the
come on Yanni she has all the same genes
first time with the first Rebecca so why
on the same DNA hey you didn't work the
would it work with this one well cuz I'm
first time with the first Rebecca so why
not gonna fuck it up this time
would it work with this one well cuz I'm
I fucked up years ago so I'm not gonna
not gonna fuck it up this time
do that again I know they do it right
I fucked up years ago so I'm not gonna
you know I think I think that you like
do that again I know they do it right
her because she's so young and you're
you know I think I think that you like
afraid of getting old so you think if I
her because she's so young and you're
can fuck her I can be young again too
afraid of getting old so you think if I
but you know you look 18 okay Yanni
can fuck her I can be young again too
that's rude I look a mother you look 18
but you know you look 18 okay Yanni
she is actually 18 right how long do you
that's rude I look a mother you look 18
think you can last on an intellectual
she is actually 18 right how long do you
level with an 18 year old let me put
think you can last on an intellectual
that age difference in perspective for
level with an 18 year old let me put
you when you were really 18 her mother
that age difference in perspective for
wasn't even born yet you fucked her cuz
you when you were really 18 her mother
she's young here we didn't fuck Yanni we
wasn't even born yet you fucked her cuz
made love and you know why I did it
she's young here we didn't fuck Yanni we
because it was fun alright this the
made love and you know why I did it
three of us hasn't been fun for years
because it was fun alright this the
yeah we don't have sex with each other
three of us hasn't been fun for years
because we have to we don't actually
yeah we don't have sex with each other
like it sorry Steven you have sex with
because we have to we don't actually
two people every night that isn't
like it sorry Steven you have sex with
cheating that is not what this is okay
two people every night that isn't
Johnny don't act like you're not jealous
cheating that is not what this is okay
all right I'm sorry I feel a little bit
Johnny don't act like you're not jealous
close to you and then I feel a little
all right I'm sorry I feel a little bit
bit protective after we have had sex
close to you and then I feel a little
every night for the past 60 years it is
bit protective after we have had sex
a big bomb to drop when it has never
every night for the past 60 years it is
happened before it's never happened
a big bomb to drop when it has never
before right right
happened before it's never happened
I mean you you son of a bitch get out
get out of the room now
I mean you you son of a bitch get out
um I'm a little uncomfortable
I'm almost there no like I hurts like I
um I'm a little uncomfortable
mean like it really hurts okay in a
I'm almost there no like I hurts like I
second I'm just really close but you
mean like it really hurts okay in a
know the frenulum that little bit of
second I'm just really close but you
skin that connects the foreskin to the
know the frenulum that little bit of
head I think that might have torn it
skin that connects the foreskin to the
won't heal in a second yeah me do you
head I think that might have torn it
want to brush our teeth
won't heal in a second yeah me do you
so you know our parties have an online
presence now people can just go in there
so you know our parties have an online
and sign up to come I mean they can even
presence now people can just go in there
just press it by an RSVP so why don't
and sign up to come I mean they can even
you set that up how do we see that
just press it by an RSVP so why don't
though like how do we know who pressed
you set that up how do we see that
the button well we just it's simply just
though like how do we know who pressed
on the computer or show us there you
the button well we just it's simply just
don't know how to work the computer last
on the computer or show us there you
password yes we scared him off
don't know how to work the computer last
no no they just RSVP'd digitally there's
password yes we scared him off
nobody to know that I trust them okay
no no they just RSVP'd digitally there's
well if your little girlfriend isn't
nobody to know that I trust them okay
here tonight I'm not having sex and
well if your little girlfriend isn't
that's perfectly fine Yanni I'll just
here tonight I'm not having sex and
have sex with Stephen right or somebody
that's perfectly fine Yanni I'll just
else whatever I've got game it's almost
have sex with Stephen right or somebody
midnight
else whatever I've got game it's almost
yeah hey what are you doing here oh you
know just here to party well where's the
yeah hey what are you doing here oh you
girl you were with I thought you guys
know just here to party well where's the
really had something oh yeah what we did
girl you were with I thought you guys
I mean we do but we already had sex
really had something oh yeah what we did
today and she's not feeling well
I mean we do but we already had sex
so just came out myself if something
today and she's not feeling well
happens we need to know no no we're
so just came out myself if something
great but you know we just met yesterday
happens we need to know no no we're
and I got to be Who I am now excuse me
great but you know we just met yesterday
hmm
really know my way around Rebecca what's
hmm
up oh we're just trying to plan a
really know my way around Rebecca what's
Netflix night it's getting so
up oh we're just trying to plan a
complicated Oh what okay you know when
Netflix night it's getting so
Netflix night were you binge watch
complicated Oh what okay you know when
Netflix but anyway it's complicated
Netflix night were you binge watch
because we all have to agree on the same
Netflix but anyway it's complicated
show and do bridge that's not gonna
because we all have to agree on the same
happen
show and do bridge that's not gonna
Kyra's throwing so much shade Meghan's
happen
street ghosting us Santa hates
Kyra's throwing so much shade Meghan's
everything so seriously it would be so
street ghosting us Santa hates
much easier honestly if I could just
everything so seriously it would be so
decide because I know that I would pick
much easier honestly if I could just
the perfect show hashtag humble brag
decide because I know that I would pick
right
the perfect show hashtag humble brag
Oh
[Laughter]
Oh
what what's uh you don't know what a
[Laughter]
meme is they're so good yeah let me show
what what's uh you don't know what a
you a better one do you like books
meme is they're so good yeah let me show
I like BuzzFeed grandmother loved
you a better one do you like books
reading what nothing
I like BuzzFeed grandmother loved
are you doing Rebecca I can't do this
okay we can't do this
are you doing Rebecca I can't do this
are you talking about it's been like two
okay we can't do this
days do I know look I'm sorry okay I
are you talking about it's been like two
fucked that this is a mistake we have to
days do I know look I'm sorry okay I
stop okay yeah cuz now that you got what
fucked that this is a mistake we have to
you wanted now you're gonna leave oh
stop okay yeah cuz now that you got what
come on of course not listen hey Rebecca
you wanted now you're gonna leave oh
look I made a mistake okay
come on of course not listen hey Rebecca
it has nothing to do with you I just got
look I made a mistake okay
in way over my head and I have to stop a
it has nothing to do with you I just got
really nice guy originally and yeah you
in way over my head and I have to stop a
are someone I actually thought maybe I'd
really nice guy originally and yeah you
want to go out on a date with but that's
are someone I actually thought maybe I'd
not gonna happen anymore it's ridiculous
want to go out on a date with but that's
because you know you're so old but
not gonna happen anymore it's ridiculous
you're so immature I mean you don't even
because you know you're so old but
know how to work a computer my
you're so immature I mean you don't even
two-year-old niece has an email that she
know how to work a computer my
uses I'm actually in the middle of
two-year-old niece has an email that she
emailing her right now fuck you
uses I'm actually in the middle of
[Music]
are you doing just hanging out in a room
[Music]
why are you buckling your pants because
are you doing just hanging out in a room
my pants are loose what am I gonna find
why are you buckling your pants because
if I go in this room right now
my pants are loose what am I gonna find
Jesus I don't know there's no way to
if I go in this room right now
treat your girlfriend I'm leaving oh
Jesus I don't know there's no way to
it's fine I'm sorry I'm really sorry I
fucked up I've really fucked up okay I
it's fine I'm sorry I'm really sorry I
can make that up to you what's wrong
fucked up I've really fucked up okay I
you're right she's young
can make that up to you what's wrong
I'm old I'm just oh this big dumb
you're right she's young
grandpa I tried to forget about it
I'm old I'm just oh this big dumb
because I just miss her so much honey
grandpa I tried to forget about it
no she doesn't even write to me I don't
because I just miss her so much honey
even know if she's still alive
no she doesn't even write to me I don't
I mean I don't know she's got kids no
even know if she's still alive
kids I've got kids but haven't spoken in
I mean I don't know she's got kids no
50 years I mean sweetie
kids I've got kids but haven't spoken in
it's okay you know I just have to be
50 years I mean sweetie
super obsessive about it but I loved her
it's okay you know I just have to be
so much young
super obsessive about it but I loved her
am i interrupting something no come sit
you know it's just about time for bed oh
I think I know something will make you
you know it's just about time for bed oh
feel better
I think I know something will make you
excuse me excuse me
[Music]
all right oh I'm gonna come
[Music]
[Laughter]
oh shit what what's up I just I just
remember that Trevor I think cheated on
oh shit what what's up I just I just
his girlfriend last night oh yeah I'm
remember that Trevor I think cheated on
just worried about him I think that this
his girlfriend last night oh yeah I'm
lifestyle is toxic for a kid like that
just worried about him I think that this
but I don't know what to do I don't
lifestyle is toxic for a kid like that
think he's gonna listen to me anymore
but I don't know what to do I don't
well whatever the problem is I mean with
think he's gonna listen to me anymore
the three of us work together we can
well whatever the problem is I mean with
work something out
the three of us work together we can
yeah I know that neither of us have
work something out
mentees we can all be his mentor
yeah I know that neither of us have
what about like a intervention type
mentees we can all be his mentor
thing where we sit him down or like we
what about like a intervention type
think you have partying problem you
thing where we sit him down or like we
can't be addicted to party yeah but I
think you have partying problem you
just I think he's using it as a crutch
can't be addicted to party yeah but I
and if we kick the cried out from under
just I think he's using it as a crutch
him then maybe he'll learn to walk kick
and if we kick the cried out from under
that crutch kick that crush yeah that
him then maybe he'll learn to walk kick
guy's back rats and I think from the
that crutch kick that crush yeah that
party through yet hmm if I didn't use a
guy's back rats and I think from the
computer
party through yet hmm if I didn't use a
hmm well he's either shit-faced or is
employed a small child to read this RSVP
hmm well he's either shit-faced or is
party crew parties are doing what US
party she wouldn't find me so I dumped
party crew parties are doing what US
the ball no not even told you what
party she wouldn't find me so I dumped
happened last night I'm just trying to
the ball no not even told you what
help you no no fine fine I told her I'm
happened last night I'm just trying to
not the thing and she freaked out and
help you no no fine fine I told her I'm
said that there's no reason I should be
not the thing and she freaked out and
going to parties every night when we
said that there's no reason I should be
have each other and I like her I really
going to parties every night when we
do but I just couldn't help myself
have each other and I like her I really
so I came here last night but nothing
do but I just couldn't help myself
happened I didn't even kiss the girl I
so I came here last night but nothing
was trying to hook up with I just jerked
happened I didn't even kiss the girl I
off in that room by myself and when I
was trying to hook up with I just jerked
got back to my place my girlfriend
off in that room by myself and when I
thought I cheated on her and I begged
got back to my place my girlfriend
her to let her tell me the truth but but
thought I cheated on her and I begged
i but she wouldn't and she just dumped
her to let her tell me the truth but but
me on the spot so please can I have the
i but she wouldn't and she just dumped
bomb no so you're saying you didn't have
me on the spot so please can I have the
sex last night
bomb no so you're saying you didn't have
Oh give me them no no no your promise
sex last night
you
Oh give me them no no no your promise
Oh
[Music]
if you just wait a second the evidence
is almost here you you will feel better
if you just wait a second the evidence
I promise
is almost here you you will feel better
these fetus No
I promise
[Music]
yeah there's enough yep
no RSVPs shit well hey you know this
counts as a party right well I mean well
no RSVPs shit well hey you know this
we've got three of us so all we got to
counts as a party right well I mean well
do to start you know party I don't
we've got three of us so all we got to
really want a party I'm not in the mood
do to start you know party I don't
well we can't just not party okay who
really want a party I'm not in the mood
needs an aux cord
well we can't just not party okay who
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
what hey sorry about that yeah he should
be I know
what hey sorry about that yeah he should
Hey
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
we haven't cut up the fires yet do your
daily party throwers though we have
we haven't cut up the fires yet do your
appreciated your services all these
daily party throwers though we have
years as Friends of Trevor we think it
appreciated your services all these
inappropriate to continue partying after
years as Friends of Trevor we think it
his untimely death Trevor was killed by
inappropriate to continue partying after
a party so we find it honestly sickening
his untimely death Trevor was killed by
to keep up a bloody charade therefore we
a party so we find it honestly sickening
have collectively decided to stop going
to keep up a bloody charade therefore we
to parties for the rest of our lives
have collectively decided to stop going
maybe we'll go to college maybe we'll
to parties for the rest of our lives
start businesses maybe we'll get farms
maybe we'll go to college maybe we'll
and raised chickens the world is our
start businesses maybe we'll get farms
oyster daily party throwers we hope you
and raised chickens the world is our
see that soon sincerely all the high
oyster daily party throwers we hope you
schoolers it seriously says all the high
see that soon sincerely all the high
school kids like every single high
schoolers it seriously says all the high
school kid in every district really we
school kids like every single high
don't need them we can just party the
school kid in every district really we
three of us forever yeah look I know you
don't need them we can just party the
guys are gonna hate it but I have an
three of us forever yeah look I know you
idea
guys are gonna hate it but I have an
[Applause]
well this was a huge mistake
[Applause]
yeah they're like the fucking ants our
well this was a huge mistake
houses honey today what are we gonna do
yeah they're like the fucking ants our
like get your brooms get your own will
houses honey today what are we gonna do
sweep them out and we'll call it an
like get your brooms get your own will
early night
sweep them out and we'll call it an
okay ready we go
early night
[Applause]
okay ready we go
that didn't work I have an idea
[Applause]
the police are coming here they're gonna
arrest all of you guys when they find
the police are coming here they're gonna
out what you're doing
arrest all of you guys when they find
[Applause]
the police I said that your parents are
[Applause]
on their way to this party and they're
the police I said that your parents are
not proud
on their way to this party and they're
[Applause]
okay look your college team is on its
[Applause]
way here any gonna expel you guys
okay look your college team is on its
[Applause]
I'm sorry guys I think I made them
stronger I just came from a party where
I'm sorry guys I think I made them
everyone you know and life is there and
stronger I just came from a party where
he was blamed if you don't go he didn't
everyone you know and life is there and
he's gonna get himself killed I realize
he was blamed if you don't go he didn't
there's no party
he's gonna get himself killed I realize
I think they're gone
he almost died like that could have been
I think they're gone
the end
he almost died like that could have been
[Music]
the end
[Music]
Wow
travel down boys who follow them it's
here yeah he had a real MVP weird
travel down boys who follow them it's
hey we were never as bad as those
college kids right we never went to
hey we were never as bad as those
college you guys were never that bad
college kids right we never went to
guys look what I found it's a new phone
I found on the floor from the party last
guys look what I found it's a new phone
night
I found on the floor from the party last
and there's a little button here that
night
she compressed it'll show you where
and there's a little button here that
every party is from every night from now
she compressed it'll show you where
on I mean sure they'll probably be like
every party is from every night from now
adult parties would still be really
on I mean sure they'll probably be like
boring whatever but like we'll stop a
adult parties would still be really
good time I mean it's better than
boring whatever but like we'll stop a
nothing
good time I mean it's better than
we're not going to any parties tonight
nothing
all right
we're not going to any parties tonight
we love you and we want you to be happy
all right
so if going to parties makes you happy
we love you and we want you to be happy
then by all means go out and party but
so if going to parties makes you happy
we're tired I've been tired for a long
then by all means go out and party but
time I've been tired since 1986 I just
we're tired I've been tired for a long
can't help it anymore
time I've been tired since 1986 I just
and I mean like it was easy being here
can't help it anymore
with the same people partying every
and I mean like it was easy being here
night but going door-to-door that's come
with the same people partying every
on come on you're gonna be so old not
night but going door-to-door that's come
and that old enough if you can't go to a
on come on you're gonna be so old not
party you'd be so old you won't be able
and that old enough if you can't go to a
to do anything you know it's for the
party you'd be so old you won't be able
best
to do anything you know it's for the
come on guys for the party crew I mean I
can't be the party crew without you guys
come on guys for the party crew I mean I
always be the party crew how do I look
can't be the party crew without you guys
dashing it's even got a phone pocket how
always be the party crew how do I look
I guess this is it
dashing it's even got a phone pocket how
have fun be safe
I guess this is it
I love you so much I love you too
have fun be safe
get to old buddy promises
almost midnight I'm a lot older than you
how much cuz like I'm pretty old oh you
almost midnight I'm a lot older than you
ain't gone hundred older 101 uh I was
how much cuz like I'm pretty old oh you
born in 1592 why didn't you tell us
ain't gone hundred older 101 uh I was
I wanted a fresh start I wanted to see
born in 1592 why didn't you tell us
if I could feel like a teenage girl
I wanted a fresh start I wanted to see
again but I'm just not so well I'm sure
if I could feel like a teenage girl
you have lots of amazing stories mmm
again but I'm just not so well I'm sure
it's not as glamorous as you think it's
you have lots of amazing stories mmm
really hard to talk about
it's not as glamorous as you think it's
let me leave we've still got time like
really hard to talk about
we could throw one more party real quick
let me leave we've still got time like
and and then and then tomorrow we can
we could throw one more party real quick
just you can just sit down and tell me
and and then and then tomorrow we can
your whole life story just how day
just you can just sit down and tell me
dedicated entirely to you Yanni's day
your whole life story just how day
and I won't talk I'll just oughta sit
dedicated entirely to you Yanni's day
and listen come on you can't you know
and I won't talk I'll just oughta sit
now doing that at least Steven I I can't
and listen come on you can't you know
do this for one more night life loses
now doing that at least Steven I I can't
its charm after about a hundred years
do this for one more night life loses
and then they're just sitting back
its charm after about a hundred years
watching everyone you love die one after
and then they're just sitting back
another like dominoes and there's
watching everyone you love die one after
nothing you can do but you know what I
another like dominoes and there's
think I think mortality is their one
nothing you can do but you know what I
come on you we were supposed to grow
think I think mortality is their one
together we did
come on you we were supposed to grow
there's not a lot of time mmm I don't
really want you to see me but this
there's not a lot of time mmm I don't
happens I've seen it before and it's him
really want you to see me but this
kind of disturbing so I want to freak
happens I've seen it before and it's him
you
kind of disturbing so I want to freak
[Music]
Oh Stephen rose look at you I'll make
sure I'll tell the kids to stay off your
Oh Stephen rose look at you I'll make
life where's a really
sure I'll tell the kids to stay off your
[Music]
so what's your plan have a life on the
road yes
so what's your plan have a life on the
going from Party to party sounds nice
road yes
sure hmm do you think I wear this in my
life
sure hmm do you think I wear this in my
what no oh wow why'd you say that
life
everyone I know when I'll have kids
what no oh wow why'd you say that
their kids had kids I've ever did that I
everyone I know when I'll have kids
spent my whole life partying every night
their kids had kids I've ever did that I
never settling down never having a
spent my whole life partying every night
family that's not true
never settling down never having a
I think it's happening more it's deep
you wanna go someone just let it happen
I think it's happening more it's deep
what's it like like I got a party really
good one and I don't know I'm not so
what's it like like I got a party really
much surrounded by actual people cuz I
good one and I don't know I'm not so
don't recognize them but I can tell
much surrounded by actual people cuz I
we're gonna be good friends this we're
don't recognize them but I can tell
all just standing around giggling musics
we're gonna be good friends this we're
growing louder it's gonna drop em three
all just standing around giggling musics
two
growing louder it's gonna drop em three
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
you
[Music]
you
for immortality.
Some looked for the Holy Grail. Some
bathed in fountains of youth. And others
even tried to anger the gods. But in the
second calendar year, one man stumbled
upon the secret accidentally. His name was
Jeremiah, son of Simon. One morning in a
hungover daze,
Jeremiah walked right off of a mountain,
hungover daze,
but he didn't have his scratch on him.
He thought it was a fluke but clearly it
was not. Something was different and he
tried to piece it together. What did he
do last night? Did he drink from the Holy
Grail? No. Did he bathe in the fountain of
youth? No. Did he anger the gods? Well,
maybe, but not on purpose. All Jeremiah
had done the previous night was go
to a party, consume some alcohol and
have sex with someone. And then he
realized: that was it. Go to a party, drink
some alcohol and have sex with someone.
If you did it every night, you would live
forever. But of course, that would mean if
you stopped for one night, you would lose
your immortality and never get it back.
So he assembled a crew. Jacob and
Elizabeth were in charge of finding the
parties. Luke and Martha were in charge
of finding the alcohol. And Jeremiah and
Joel were in charge of keeping everyone
in tip-top hygiene to make it easier for
them to, as they said in the olden times,
get laid. The six of them worked in
perfect harmony, partying, drinking, having
sex every night, carrying on like this
for centuries. Without aging,
never getting hurt, never getting sick.
But soon, the members started dropping
off. Jacob decided to pull up his
bootstraps and get a college degree.
Elizabeth wanted to start a family. And
Luke was simply ready to die.
Joel, Martha and Jeremiah were the only
ones left and Jeremiah and Martha had
already decided it was time for them to
leave this earth. They imparted their
dying wisdom unto, Joel telling him to
carry on the lifestyle, but to only
reveal the secret to those who were
worthy. When they died, Joel did as he was
told and set off into the wilderness to
party for the rest of his days. Remaining
immortal was easier in a pack, so
he formed herd after herd, and group
after group and when he was finally
ready to die he instructed the surviving
members to do the same. These exclusive
gangs called themselves Party Crews and
they alone held the secret of
immortality from the outside world. Until
now...
[Music]
1 Missisippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4
Mississippi, 5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi, I win. Oh shit.
Wait, no it's, I'm okay. Oh thank God. Uh, guys? Do you
think it's someone trying to taunt us
like maybe they know... you know... and they're
trying to smoke us out. I don't know why
anyone would want to do that. Maybe they're
fans trying to pay their respects. Maybe it's
a whole new group altogether. Maybe
they've never even heard of us. Either
way we're gonna find out in 3 hours
[Music] Party Crew! Party Crew! Party Crew!
[Applause]
They look exactly like... Yeah... Like carbon
copies... Yeah but we can't just come right
out and ask them if they're... you know...
If the cat's out of the bag
we're gonna be in a world of shit so
we just have to trick them into
telling us so let's split up. Hi, Stephen, host of the
party nice to meet you
-Chad. -Hey. -Hi.
What you got there? A phone. Cool. Got one of those
myself. Fat metal thing in storage
I keep it tucked away. Nice fat cord
attached to it too. How are you enjoying
the party? It's fine.
Just wanted some quiet for a second.
Striking out, huh? No, I just...
You know you shouldn't party so much,
it's not good for the body. How do you know how much I party?
And you definitely shouldn't drink so much,
that'll kill you early. Oh yeah? When you get
a cut on, on like your hand or something
about how long would you say that takes
to heal? What? Hey do you have an aux
cord? A what? An aux cord. Ox like
a cow? No aux like A-U-X. Wouldn't that be
pronounced "Oh" like French? Do you really
not know what that is? Are you like a
bluetooth family or something? Bluetooth? I'm gonna
drink everyday, party every night and I'm
gonna live forever.
How did you find out about this? Uh
Chad's grandpa told us. So this
is your first night doing it? Yes.
Did you tell anybody else? No, just the
three of us and Chad's grandpa.
Good let's keep it that way. Hey wait...
Like would you say that you were worried
about cuts and stuff like because of
the gangrene and amputation and whatnot or would you say like Hey man, I ain't afraid of no knife. Okay well an
aux cord is something you plug into your
phone so that you can play whatever
music you want instead of having to rely
on like whatever CD you have. This is
available for purchase? Yeah pretty sure
you could get it anywhere. Roger that
aux, A-U-X. You're so out of touch with
everything. It's kinda cute
So it's true? If you party every night,
drink something and have sex then you'll live forever...
Ssshhh, don't say it out loud. Okay
sorry
but but but if you don't do it for one
night does that mean you go back to your
normal age---oh stop talking. Okay sorry but
that means it's true
Oh my god it's them. Their grandchildren
They even smell like them. Okay
it's definitely them. Oh I have so many
more questions to ask but wait I
kind of came out a little strong they
might not want to come back tomorrow night.
They'll definitely come back, I mean we
have a product they can't resist. (yawns) What time is it? 11
p.m
Oh man it is way past our bedtime. Yeah
we gotta get these people out of here. Wow that's really good. We're really
listening to each other physically. I'm gonna come
Oh you're gonna come I'm gonna come fuck
I'm coming, We're cumming!
Man Stephen, that last move. I know. And Yanni, really. And Asher---oh, I'm aware.
Oh man their grandchildren look just
like them. Rebecca and her
first kid. Her husband is not in the
picture
That's Chad's wedding and there's his best
man. That was a good time. We can just
skip that one. Yeah. Oh my gosh Yanni look
what you got on the 70s were not a good time for you. I
look great. I don't miss those
clothes. I look great
Okay well we'll just move on then thank
you. Yeah that's enough okay. You know
what I was thinking? What? I mean we've
made mistakes over the years right? Sure have.
Well wouldn't it have been nice to have
some role models along the way? Oh yeah definitely.
well so maybe that's what we can be for
these kids. Like Mentors. We shouldn't
tell them about this like they don't
know about us at all. No but that's
why we have to be sneaky man like sneaky
Mentors
yeah we could each only be assigned a
one kid so it doesn't get confusing okay
Yeah we should each only be assigned to
I call Rebecca I call Chad I called
one kid so it doesn't get confusing. Okay
Trevor great no conflict there okay so
I call Rebecca I call Chad I called
Rebecca said something really funny last
Trevor. Great no conflict there. Okay so
night you mean Rebecca third yeah she
Rebecca said something really funny last
said something about an ox Court acts
night. You mean Rebecca the third? Yeah she
like a cow so I said no she said it was
said something about an aux cord. Ox
a like this weird word spelled aux like
like a cow? That's what I said but no she said it was
I guess French I thought it was
a like this weird word spelled A-U-X like
pronounced oh but she said it was ah so
I guess French I thought it was
she's pronouncing about well that's
pronounced "oh" but she said it was "ox" so
that's not an important yeah me she said
she's pronouncing it wrong. Well that's
it's this weird cord you plug into the
that's not important. She said
music and you can play whatever song you
it's this weird cord you plug into the
want and you don't want to listen to the
music and you can play whatever song you
CD so yeah well I don't like it it
want and you don't have to listen to the
sounds complicated I think she get one
CDs so... Yeah well I don't like it it
thing we're gonna start going today in
sounds complicated. I think we should get one
fact you know what
I think I'll get one today.
I'm
In fact you know what, I'm gonna get one right now.
I don't like how attached Asher is
getting to Rebecca the third. I mean for Pete's sake he met
I don't like how attached after is
her last night and now today it's
getting to a third yeah I mean you met
Rebecca this Rebecca that. He just wants to
her last night and now today it's
be with it, whatever that means. Probably
Rebecca then it's Rebecca that wants to
jump off a bridge for that girl
be with it whatever that means probably
There's less RSVPs than usual. But...
jump off a bridge for that girl
Hey guys come with us! No we was gonna stay here for a
bit, we'll catch up with y'all later.
guys know we was gonna stay here for a
Yeah I gotta fulfill those requirements
bit we need to catch up with chocolate
You know I think a lot of teaching is
letting them learn on their own. Yeah
Hey look what I got. Wow an aux cord. Yeah
Congratulations. Thanks pretty easy to
find once I learned how to pronounce it
correctly. Cool do you have anything to
plug it into? What? You know like a
speaker or something?
Well I was just under the impression
that if I got the aux cord it would just you
know, do the music. Here, I have one you can use.
Rebecca what are you doing? don't worry don't worry okay okay just
just chill out
don't worry don't worry okay okay just
[Applause]
are you listening it poops making sure
you've done everything you had to do
are you listening it poops making sure
language you drink some alcohol
you've done everything you had to do
you possess them and you're in a party
language you drink some alcohol
right now catch attention check don't
you possess them and you're in a party
worry there's secret safe admit lake and
right now catch attention check don't
it'll stay safe
worry there's secret safe admit lake and
just so long as you follow me into this
it'll stay safe
office and take heed and then offer I
just so long as you follow me into this
have for you do you like the swivel
office and take heed and then offer I
chair marvelous invention the swivel
have for you do you like the swivel
chair first it's right again
chair marvelous invention the swivel
I must have spent a whole week straight
chair first it's right again
just sitting right here in this room
I must have spent a whole week straight
sooo it's a great chair but that's not
just sitting right here in this room
what we're here to talk about because
sooo it's a great chair but that's not
you can probably do I share the same
what we're here to talk about because
secret as you
you can probably do I share the same
I'm gonna turn hundred years old this
year you look great I know because I've
I'm gonna turn hundred years old this
been alive for so long and you are just
year you look great I know because I've
a fledgling youngster starting out in
been alive for so long and you are just
this business I figure I can share my
a fledgling youngster starting out in
stories with you I think you might find
this business I figure I can share my
them helpful yeah good so I am gonna
stories with you I think you might find
need you write them all down one so that
them helpful yeah good so I am gonna
you can have a written record of the
need you write them all down one so that
do's and don'ts and two because I just
you can have a written record of the
don't like writing okay but I got a
do's and don'ts and two because I just
midnight curfew top no we're not gonna
don't like writing okay but I got a
finish in one night
midnight curfew top no we're not gonna
I imagine we'll be doing a little bit
finish in one night
every night for the next few years or so
I imagine we'll be doing a little bit
shouldn't take you long
every night for the next few years or so
so our story begins in 1931 my parents
had just conceived me and boy were they
so our story begins in 1931 my parents
tired
had just conceived me and boy were they
[Music]
yeah your grandpa had a vomiting trouble
too are you okay yeah I'm fine
yeah your grandpa had a vomiting trouble
so big deal did you get everything done
too are you okay yeah I'm fine
yeah okay I got anyone want to have sex
so big deal did you get everything done
with you like that oh fuck off no I'm
yeah okay I got anyone want to have sex
sorry I'm I didn't mean it like that
with you like that oh fuck off no I'm
yeah also I'm sorry for scaring you last
sorry I'm I didn't mean it like that
night and I probably came off a little
yeah also I'm sorry for scaring you last
strong it's okay I understand I just
night and I probably came off a little
wanted to get to know you a little
strong it's okay I understand I just
better what something you said you knew
wanted to get to know you a little
my grandpa yeah I did I never met him
better what something you said you knew
what do you only hear about him hey it's
my grandpa yeah I did I never met him
almost midnight
what do you only hear about him hey it's
you still haven't hooked up with anybody
almost midnight
fuck off I mean come on do you even have
you still haven't hooked up with anybody
a game plan of course I do
fuck off I mean come on do you even have
I sit here looking bored in the corner
a game plan of course I do
until someone comes by and entertains me
I sit here looking bored in the corner
then that works yeah it usually does
until someone comes by and entertains me
except you've been talking to me all
then that works yeah it usually does
night so now I look on available it's my
except you've been talking to me all
fault
night so now I look on available it's my
yeah people probably think everyone's up
fault
with you you know Rebecca this might be
yeah people probably think everyone's up
bad advice but you got to go up to
with you you know Rebecca this might be
people yourself I mean nobody's gonna
bad advice but you got to go up to
talk to you they're not brave enough you
people yourself I mean nobody's gonna
two beautiful I'm serious
talk to you they're not brave enough you
have you got how does got here go up to
two beautiful I'm serious
him and invite him in 20 bedrooms
have you got how does got here go up to
hold my beer
Oh God what are you even doing so good
Steve it oh I'm gonna come so my dad I'm
Oh God what are you even doing so good
thinking our orgasms two nights in a row
Steve it oh I'm gonna come so my dad I'm
we are on fire this week hey are you
thinking our orgasms two nights in a row
okay yep just tired well this is going
we are on fire this week hey are you
super well I mean better than I expected
okay yep just tired well this is going
for sure look we got ten whole pages out
super well I mean better than I expected
of my art by Agra tonight he got up to
for sure look we got ten whole pages out
my breath nice vignette Trevor was super
of my art by Agra tonight he got up to
cagey before but he's really receptive
my breath nice vignette Trevor was super
now that's good yeah W man how's the old
cagey before but he's really receptive
Becca doing ah yes it's going well um I
now that's good yeah W man how's the old
think she's gonna start hooking up with
Becca doing ah yes it's going well um I
people more often no so really yeah yeah
think she's gonna start hooking up with
before she was just standing there
people more often no so really yeah yeah
waiting for guys to come up to her but I
before she was just standing there
talked to her so now I think she's gonna
waiting for guys to come up to her but I
be a bit more active that's nice are you
talked to her so now I think she's gonna
boosted her self-confidence yeah that
be a bit more active that's nice are you
will be super easy for her to have sex
boosted her self-confidence yeah that
with everyone yeah
will be super easy for her to have sex
and so it was that little Steven was
born no doctor could have possibly
and so it was that little Steven was
predicted what a beautiful life he would
born no doctor could have possibly
lead I like to be remembered a life to
predicted what a beautiful life he would
be written about and it begins now chad
lead I like to be remembered a life to
is a great ghostwriter I mean I dictated
be written about and it begins now chad
it mm-hmm oh well I can't wait for her
is a great ghostwriter I mean I dictated
chapter - oh hey so need some more
it mm-hmm oh well I can't wait for her
advice
chapter - oh hey so need some more
I don't know I'm already fucked someone
advice
denied nice yeah
I don't know I'm already fucked someone
so it was just that easy you just walked
denied nice yeah
right up to him and thank you man
so it was just that easy you just walked
the student becomes the master well I
right up to him and thank you man
guess I'll just have to start learning
the student becomes the master well I
from you then all right well then first
guess I'll just have to start learning
things first you need to set up a
from you then all right well then first
Facebook group Facebook group yeah I
things first you need to set up a
mean all these paper RSVPs and
Facebook group Facebook group yeah I
invitations they have to slide under
mean all these paper RSVPs and
someone's door it's just kind of a
invitations they have to slide under
hassle if you move it to an online thing
someone's door it's just kind of a
we're moving to a paperless world
already so if you move it to an online
we're moving to a paperless world
invitation you'll be able to reach one
already so if you move it to an online
people I think your party's betting -
invitation you'll be able to reach one
there's this one time that we were all
in a friend's car and they just gotten
there's this one time that we were all
this new like ruthless car and so trevor
in a friend's car and they just gotten
was standing up and had his head like
this new like ruthless car and so trevor
through the sunroof and his arms out and
was standing up and had his head like
he's screaming at the top of his lungs
through the sunroof and his arms out and
but the thing was there was this low
he's screaming at the top of his lungs
hanging sign up ahead that we all saw
but the thing was there was this low
and I knew he was gonna hit it and so
hanging sign up ahead that we all saw
I'm screaming at him and I'm pulling on
and I knew he was gonna hit it and so
his pants and I'm trying to get him to
I'm screaming at him and I'm pulling on
come down and he's not hearing me
his pants and I'm trying to get him to
because of the wind because he didn't
come down and he's not hearing me
care I don't know and of course he hits
because of the wind because he didn't
the sign at exactly the right angle that
care I don't know and of course he hits
it just scrapes all the skin off his
the sign at exactly the right angle that
face and it flies up in the air and
it just scrapes all the skin off his
behind the car and well when the skin
face and it flies up in the air and
were back on his actual face he went
behind the car and well when the skin
back for his original faith and he kept
were back on his actual face he went
it like a souvenir
back for his original faith and he kept
he was trevor was wild he sounds some
it like a souvenir
hardcore yeah he was
he was trevor was wild he sounds some
honey died so I got the results back and
hardcore yeah he was
I'm pregnant what I'm pregnant
honey died so I got the results back and
Oh y-yeah go getta get rid of it
obviously what do you mean no no I think
Oh y-yeah go getta get rid of it
this will be a good thing for us how are
obviously what do you mean no no I think
we gonna so how are you supposed to
this will be a good thing for us how are
raise a baby in this house doing what we
we gonna so how are you supposed to
do here every night I mean well
raise a baby in this house doing what we
obviously we'd have to give it up not
do here every night I mean well
everything because I mean but but I mean
obviously we'd have to give it up not
we could just have our own little
everything because I mean but but I mean
parties like you me and the baby and we
we could just have our own little
could get a little house somewhere and
parties like you me and the baby and we
jobs and have normal lives Rebecca seems
could get a little house somewhere and
happy and so does Chad I don't that's a
jobs and have normal lives Rebecca seems
really big commitment I don't think I
happy and so does Chad I don't that's a
can do that okay fine then I won't have
really big commitment I don't think I
sex with you today what what are you
can do that okay fine then I won't have
serious about this or I don't know sex
sex with you today what what are you
for you but you'll yeah I know I'm sorry
serious about this or I don't know sex
I just can't do it
for you but you'll yeah I know I'm sorry
we cherish it especially well just think
Nonnie babe I'm so sorry what's fine
we're even now
Nonnie babe I'm so sorry what's fine
really hmm what are you doing you die I
we're even now
know you're sleeping on the couch
really hmm what are you doing you die I
tonight we're through are you serious
know you're sleeping on the couch
look I know I fucked up and I'm I'm
sorry but I love you I don't give a shit
look I know I fucked up and I'm I'm
about that other girl I'm gonna spend
sorry but I love you I don't give a shit
the rest of my life with you
about that other girl I'm gonna spend
I'm not gonna take you back look he's
the rest of my life with you
I'm gonna raise that baby with you do
I'm not gonna take you back look he's
the plan get a house somewhere like you
I'm gonna raise that baby with you do
said please you missed your chance okay
the plan get a house somewhere like you
yo honey have you seen Trevor nope well
said please you missed your chance okay
he's moving through Carolina and Akron
yo honey have you seen Trevor nope well
are trying to help him and Yuri what
he's moving through Carolina and Akron
does know
are trying to help him and Yuri what
honey this doesn't this seem a little
does know
different
honey this doesn't this seem a little
he's an adult he can make his own
different
choices
he's an adult he can make his own
hey young Japanese sitting at the
hospital
hey young Japanese sitting at the
if you ever need a hospital I know it's
hospital
fighting us and start drinking a lot and
if you ever need a hospital I know it's
then throwing up so I was just wanting
fighting us and start drinking a lot and
to know all these throws yeah but this
then throwing up so I was just wanting
is different yarn I really think you
to know all these throws yeah but this
should go to the hospital okay look if
is different yarn I really think you
you want to take him to the hospital
should go to the hospital okay look if
that is fine you can take him but I this
you want to take him to the hospital
is City so you stop bothering me please
that is fine you can take him but I this
that guy out there he just died Oh
is City so you stop bothering me please
what's his name
that guy out there he just died Oh
I do Trevor I think uh Merton died
what's his name
somebody needs calm i won
I do Trevor I think uh Merton died
holy shit and listen to me you're a good
kid and this life is a slippery slope if
holy shit and listen to me you're a good
you don't get out early it's a lot
kid and this life is a slippery slope if
harder when you're old so just find a
you don't get out early it's a lot
nice girl and settle down
harder when you're old so just find a
trust me what happened to the baby I
nice girl and settle down
gave it up for adoption Trevor was right
trust me what happened to the baby I
this lifestyle isn't good for raising a
gave it up for adoption Trevor was right
kid but I'm clearly he grew up and made
this lifestyle isn't good for raising a
something of himself
kid but I'm clearly he grew up and made
and that's how in my mind we saved
Christmas and now every time you go to
and that's how in my mind we saved
the zoo and you see the Penguins where
Christmas and now every time you go to
they are where they are supposed to be
the zoo and you see the Penguins where
you'll know that's cuz us um and then
they are where they are supposed to be
there was the first disco party we had
you'll know that's cuz us um and then
here at the house I got so blackout
there was the first disco party we had
drunk I thought I was the disco ball and
here at the house I got so blackout
then there was that time that crazy old
drunk I thought I was the disco ball and
Herman introduced us to camp cocaine and
then there was that time that crazy old
now it's just different manners that's
Herman introduced us to camp cocaine and
it that's it but no check no check for
now it's just different manners that's
you we don't have to write every night
it that's it but no check no check for
if you want we can write every other
you we don't have to write every night
night no I'm gonna go into blankets no
if you want we can write every other
no no what does this do what does this
night no I'm gonna go into blankets no
get you other than being a loser for the
no no what does this do what does this
rest of your life and which I my grandpa
get you other than being a loser for the
was right to get on why he's still good
rest of your life and which I my grandpa
don't worry about students
[Music]
don't worry about students
[Applause]
you know what I don't I don't think I'm
gonna come but we can keep going yeah
you know what I don't I don't think I'm
yeah I'm good to keep now now it's
gonna come but we can keep going yeah
that's fine you guys can stop look it's
yeah I'm good to keep now now it's
not you guys I just I wanted him to
that's fine you guys can stop look it's
think that was cool
not you guys I just I wanted him to
think you are cool
think that was cool
now you get the Solo cups if you don't
feel up to it
now you get the Solo cups if you don't
no that's fine do you think maybe I
feel up to it
could take the pieces back together no
no that's fine do you think maybe I
no my life's not worth recounting on
could take the pieces back together no
paper wouldn't want to waste people's
no my life's not worth recounting on
time well you can't let people tell you
paper wouldn't want to waste people's
things like that you're a nice guy
time well you can't let people tell you
you're an interesting guy
things like that you're a nice guy
and Chad's 18 who cares what he thinks
you're an interesting guy
course it's so simple it is a computer
and Chad's 18 who cares what he thinks
dummy um why what do you mean why come
course it's so simple it is a computer
on man I got it for you you like it
dummy um why what do you mean why come
right yeah yeah that's that's fine okay
on man I got it for you you like it
I guess hey come on this won't a piece
right yeah yeah that's that's fine okay
of technology so I'm going to usher us
I guess hey come on this won't a piece
into a new era partying man say goodbye
of technology so I'm going to usher us
to hands-on flyers man this is gonna be
into a new era partying man say goodbye
an internet houseful from now on I
to hands-on flyers man this is gonna be
thought it even matters party crews
an internet houseful from now on I
probably not gonna want to keep coming
thought it even matters party crews
by if Chad doesn't like us so we're just
probably not gonna want to keep coming
doing stuff throwing pointless parties
by if Chad doesn't like us so we're just
for people we don't know and don't like
doing stuff throwing pointless parties
alright we're ever well that's a great
for people we don't know and don't like
attitude to have Stevens ring know how
alright we're ever well that's a great
to turn it on yes of course Yanni I
attitude to have Stevens ring know how
would've brought in the room if I don't
to turn it on yes of course Yanni I
want to turn on the computer and it's uh
would've brought in the room if I don't
just press the plus button for a little
want to turn on the computer and it's uh
bit probably yeah a little at the same
just press the plus button for a little
time or so you know probably won't turn
bit probably yeah a little at the same
on you know because you keep judging it
time or so you know probably won't turn
okay okay well why don't you just make
on you know because you keep judging it
some flyers you know you know just using
okay okay well why don't you just make
computer tomorrow okay
some flyers you know you know just using
you yeah all right we're household
computer tomorrow okay
starting tomorrow
you yeah all right we're household
don't rush into things too soon Brioni
starting tomorrow
gonna live for 100 years still go ahead
don't rush into things too soon Brioni
and move with the times
gonna live for 100 years still go ahead
[Music]
hey how's it going Steve fire yeah you
[Music]
have a computer now yeah what do you
hey how's it going Steve fire yeah you
think about that you know the whole
have a computer now yeah what do you
point of having a computer so that you
think about that you know the whole
don't have to make paper flyers anymore
point of having a computer so that you
you want to see it what's so funny
don't have to make paper flyers anymore
this is like the oldest computer I've
you want to see it what's so funny
ever seen no no no no no it's a
this is like the oldest computer I've
perfectly working computer come on just
ever seen no no no no no it's a
try it out
perfectly working computer come on just
it doesn't turn off you're just cooking
it all you have to be gentle with it and
it doesn't turn off you're just cooking
you know just talk to it a bit like you
it all you have to be gentle with it and
know how are you planning on doing with
you know just talk to it a bit like you
this thing
know how are you planning on doing with
I was I was gonna you know Facebook
this thing
group I think you said yep
I was I was gonna you know Facebook
here just watch oh oh my goodness thing
group I think you said yep
is amazing
here just watch oh oh my goodness thing
oh my god okay so I'm gonna pull up
is amazing
Facebook you know what Facebook is right
oh my god okay so I'm gonna pull up
no okay well we don't have time to get
Facebook you know what Facebook is right
into that so I'm going to make an event
no okay well we don't have time to get
okay okay like like a party
into that so I'm going to make an event
yes exactly and it'll be the exact same
okay okay like like a party
title as what's on your flyers or
yes exactly and it'll be the exact same
whatever and I can invite all my friends
title as what's on your flyers or
oh how many friends do you have how am i
whatever and I can invite all my friends
how do you have you maintain all those
oh how many friends do you have how am i
friendships I mean no sorry it's a
how do you have you maintain all those
little more complicated than that but
friendships I mean no sorry it's a
okay so look I'm sending out the
little more complicated than that but
invitation and they're going to receive
okay so look I'm sending out the
like a sort of online thing and then
invitation and they're going to receive
there's this RSVP button right here and
like a sort of online thing and then
then all the notifications will be sent
there's this RSVP button right here and
back to the computer and then you won't
then all the notifications will be sent
have to deal with the paper anymore so
back to the computer and then you won't
there you go I will publish it
have to deal with the paper anymore so
[Music]
there you go I will publish it
Wow grandma Yanni yes you have to call
[Music]
me that
Wow grandma Yanni yes you have to call
yes how do you even know her name
me that
yeah I'm singing her place tonight oh
yes how do you even know her name
that's awesome
yeah I'm singing her place tonight oh
yeah I really like her we got a lot in
that's awesome
common I'm happy for you okay bye
yeah I really like her we got a lot in
[Music]
hi where's that sure did you know he's
[Music]
100 years old right 99 I like older men
hi where's that sure did you know he's
sorry
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I think I'm in love with her how can you
not understand that she's not her well
I think I'm in love with her how can you
come on Yanni she has all the same genes
not understand that she's not her well
on the same DNA hey you didn't work the
come on Yanni she has all the same genes
first time with the first Rebecca so why
on the same DNA hey you didn't work the
would it work with this one well cuz I'm
first time with the first Rebecca so why
not gonna fuck it up this time
would it work with this one well cuz I'm
I fucked up years ago so I'm not gonna
not gonna fuck it up this time
do that again I know they do it right
I fucked up years ago so I'm not gonna
you know I think I think that you like
do that again I know they do it right
her because she's so young and you're
you know I think I think that you like
afraid of getting old so you think if I
her because she's so young and you're
can fuck her I can be young again too
afraid of getting old so you think if I
but you know you look 18 okay Yanni
can fuck her I can be young again too
that's rude I look a mother you look 18
but you know you look 18 okay Yanni
she is actually 18 right how long do you
that's rude I look a mother you look 18
think you can last on an intellectual
she is actually 18 right how long do you
level with an 18 year old let me put
think you can last on an intellectual
that age difference in perspective for
level with an 18 year old let me put
you when you were really 18 her mother
that age difference in perspective for
wasn't even born yet you fucked her cuz
you when you were really 18 her mother
she's young here we didn't fuck Yanni we
wasn't even born yet you fucked her cuz
made love and you know why I did it
she's young here we didn't fuck Yanni we
because it was fun alright this the
made love and you know why I did it
three of us hasn't been fun for years
because it was fun alright this the
yeah we don't have sex with each other
three of us hasn't been fun for years
because we have to we don't actually
yeah we don't have sex with each other
like it sorry Steven you have sex with
because we have to we don't actually
two people every night that isn't
like it sorry Steven you have sex with
cheating that is not what this is okay
two people every night that isn't
Johnny don't act like you're not jealous
cheating that is not what this is okay
all right I'm sorry I feel a little bit
Johnny don't act like you're not jealous
close to you and then I feel a little
all right I'm sorry I feel a little bit
bit protective after we have had sex
close to you and then I feel a little
every night for the past 60 years it is
bit protective after we have had sex
a big bomb to drop when it has never
every night for the past 60 years it is
happened before it's never happened
a big bomb to drop when it has never
before right right
happened before it's never happened
I mean you you son of a bitch get out
get out of the room now
I mean you you son of a bitch get out
um I'm a little uncomfortable
I'm almost there no like I hurts like I
um I'm a little uncomfortable
mean like it really hurts okay in a
I'm almost there no like I hurts like I
second I'm just really close but you
mean like it really hurts okay in a
know the frenulum that little bit of
second I'm just really close but you
skin that connects the foreskin to the
know the frenulum that little bit of
head I think that might have torn it
skin that connects the foreskin to the
won't heal in a second yeah me do you
head I think that might have torn it
want to brush our teeth
won't heal in a second yeah me do you
so you know our parties have an online
presence now people can just go in there
so you know our parties have an online
and sign up to come I mean they can even
presence now people can just go in there
just press it by an RSVP so why don't
and sign up to come I mean they can even
you set that up how do we see that
just press it by an RSVP so why don't
though like how do we know who pressed
you set that up how do we see that
the button well we just it's simply just
though like how do we know who pressed
on the computer or show us there you
the button well we just it's simply just
don't know how to work the computer last
on the computer or show us there you
password yes we scared him off
don't know how to work the computer last
no no they just RSVP'd digitally there's
password yes we scared him off
nobody to know that I trust them okay
no no they just RSVP'd digitally there's
well if your little girlfriend isn't
nobody to know that I trust them okay
here tonight I'm not having sex and
well if your little girlfriend isn't
that's perfectly fine Yanni I'll just
here tonight I'm not having sex and
have sex with Stephen right or somebody
that's perfectly fine Yanni I'll just
else whatever I've got game it's almost
have sex with Stephen right or somebody
midnight
else whatever I've got game it's almost
yeah hey what are you doing here oh you
know just here to party well where's the
yeah hey what are you doing here oh you
girl you were with I thought you guys
know just here to party well where's the
really had something oh yeah what we did
girl you were with I thought you guys
I mean we do but we already had sex
really had something oh yeah what we did
today and she's not feeling well
I mean we do but we already had sex
so just came out myself if something
today and she's not feeling well
happens we need to know no no we're
so just came out myself if something
great but you know we just met yesterday
happens we need to know no no we're
and I got to be Who I am now excuse me
great but you know we just met yesterday
hmm
really know my way around Rebecca what's
hmm
up oh we're just trying to plan a
really know my way around Rebecca what's
Netflix night it's getting so
up oh we're just trying to plan a
complicated Oh what okay you know when
Netflix night it's getting so
Netflix night were you binge watch
complicated Oh what okay you know when
Netflix but anyway it's complicated
Netflix night were you binge watch
because we all have to agree on the same
Netflix but anyway it's complicated
show and do bridge that's not gonna
because we all have to agree on the same
happen
show and do bridge that's not gonna
Kyra's throwing so much shade Meghan's
happen
street ghosting us Santa hates
Kyra's throwing so much shade Meghan's
everything so seriously it would be so
street ghosting us Santa hates
much easier honestly if I could just
everything so seriously it would be so
decide because I know that I would pick
much easier honestly if I could just
the perfect show hashtag humble brag
decide because I know that I would pick
right
the perfect show hashtag humble brag
Oh
[Laughter]
Oh
what what's uh you don't know what a
[Laughter]
meme is they're so good yeah let me show
what what's uh you don't know what a
you a better one do you like books
meme is they're so good yeah let me show
I like BuzzFeed grandmother loved
you a better one do you like books
reading what nothing
I like BuzzFeed grandmother loved
are you doing Rebecca I can't do this
okay we can't do this
are you doing Rebecca I can't do this
are you talking about it's been like two
okay we can't do this
days do I know look I'm sorry okay I
are you talking about it's been like two
fucked that this is a mistake we have to
days do I know look I'm sorry okay I
stop okay yeah cuz now that you got what
fucked that this is a mistake we have to
you wanted now you're gonna leave oh
stop okay yeah cuz now that you got what
come on of course not listen hey Rebecca
you wanted now you're gonna leave oh
look I made a mistake okay
come on of course not listen hey Rebecca
it has nothing to do with you I just got
look I made a mistake okay
in way over my head and I have to stop a
it has nothing to do with you I just got
really nice guy originally and yeah you
in way over my head and I have to stop a
are someone I actually thought maybe I'd
really nice guy originally and yeah you
want to go out on a date with but that's
are someone I actually thought maybe I'd
not gonna happen anymore it's ridiculous
want to go out on a date with but that's
because you know you're so old but
not gonna happen anymore it's ridiculous
you're so immature I mean you don't even
because you know you're so old but
know how to work a computer my
you're so immature I mean you don't even
two-year-old niece has an email that she
know how to work a computer my
uses I'm actually in the middle of
two-year-old niece has an email that she
emailing her right now fuck you
uses I'm actually in the middle of
[Music]
are you doing just hanging out in a room
[Music]
why are you buckling your pants because
are you doing just hanging out in a room
my pants are loose what am I gonna find
why are you buckling your pants because
if I go in this room right now
my pants are loose what am I gonna find
Jesus I don't know there's no way to
if I go in this room right now
treat your girlfriend I'm leaving oh
Jesus I don't know there's no way to
it's fine I'm sorry I'm really sorry I
fucked up I've really fucked up okay I
it's fine I'm sorry I'm really sorry I
can make that up to you what's wrong
fucked up I've really fucked up okay I
you're right she's young
can make that up to you what's wrong
I'm old I'm just oh this big dumb
you're right she's young
grandpa I tried to forget about it
I'm old I'm just oh this big dumb
because I just miss her so much honey
grandpa I tried to forget about it
no she doesn't even write to me I don't
because I just miss her so much honey
even know if she's still alive
no she doesn't even write to me I don't
I mean I don't know she's got kids no
even know if she's still alive
kids I've got kids but haven't spoken in
I mean I don't know she's got kids no
50 years I mean sweetie
kids I've got kids but haven't spoken in
it's okay you know I just have to be
50 years I mean sweetie
super obsessive about it but I loved her
it's okay you know I just have to be
so much young
super obsessive about it but I loved her
am i interrupting something no come sit
you know it's just about time for bed oh
I think I know something will make you
you know it's just about time for bed oh
feel better
I think I know something will make you
excuse me excuse me
[Music]
all right oh I'm gonna come
[Music]
[Laughter]
oh shit what what's up I just I just
remember that Trevor I think cheated on
oh shit what what's up I just I just
his girlfriend last night oh yeah I'm
remember that Trevor I think cheated on
just worried about him I think that this
his girlfriend last night oh yeah I'm
lifestyle is toxic for a kid like that
just worried about him I think that this
but I don't know what to do I don't
lifestyle is toxic for a kid like that
think he's gonna listen to me anymore
but I don't know what to do I don't
well whatever the problem is I mean with
think he's gonna listen to me anymore
the three of us work together we can
well whatever the problem is I mean with
work something out
the three of us work together we can
yeah I know that neither of us have
work something out
mentees we can all be his mentor
yeah I know that neither of us have
what about like a intervention type
mentees we can all be his mentor
thing where we sit him down or like we
what about like a intervention type
think you have partying problem you
thing where we sit him down or like we
can't be addicted to party yeah but I
think you have partying problem you
just I think he's using it as a crutch
can't be addicted to party yeah but I
and if we kick the cried out from under
just I think he's using it as a crutch
him then maybe he'll learn to walk kick
and if we kick the cried out from under
that crutch kick that crush yeah that
him then maybe he'll learn to walk kick
guy's back rats and I think from the
that crutch kick that crush yeah that
party through yet hmm if I didn't use a
guy's back rats and I think from the
computer
party through yet hmm if I didn't use a
hmm well he's either shit-faced or is
employed a small child to read this RSVP
hmm well he's either shit-faced or is
party crew parties are doing what US
party she wouldn't find me so I dumped
party crew parties are doing what US
the ball no not even told you what
party she wouldn't find me so I dumped
happened last night I'm just trying to
the ball no not even told you what
help you no no fine fine I told her I'm
happened last night I'm just trying to
not the thing and she freaked out and
help you no no fine fine I told her I'm
said that there's no reason I should be
not the thing and she freaked out and
going to parties every night when we
said that there's no reason I should be
have each other and I like her I really
going to parties every night when we
do but I just couldn't help myself
have each other and I like her I really
so I came here last night but nothing
do but I just couldn't help myself
happened I didn't even kiss the girl I
so I came here last night but nothing
was trying to hook up with I just jerked
happened I didn't even kiss the girl I
off in that room by myself and when I
was trying to hook up with I just jerked
got back to my place my girlfriend
off in that room by myself and when I
thought I cheated on her and I begged
got back to my place my girlfriend
her to let her tell me the truth but but
thought I cheated on her and I begged
i but she wouldn't and she just dumped
her to let her tell me the truth but but
me on the spot so please can I have the
i but she wouldn't and she just dumped
bomb no so you're saying you didn't have
me on the spot so please can I have the
sex last night
bomb no so you're saying you didn't have
Oh give me them no no no your promise
sex last night
you
Oh give me them no no no your promise
Oh
[Music]
if you just wait a second the evidence
is almost here you you will feel better
if you just wait a second the evidence
I promise
is almost here you you will feel better
these fetus No
I promise
[Music]
yeah there's enough yep
no RSVPs shit well hey you know this
counts as a party right well I mean well
no RSVPs shit well hey you know this
we've got three of us so all we got to
counts as a party right well I mean well
do to start you know party I don't
we've got three of us so all we got to
really want a party I'm not in the mood
do to start you know party I don't
well we can't just not party okay who
really want a party I'm not in the mood
needs an aux cord
well we can't just not party okay who
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
what hey sorry about that yeah he should
be I know
what hey sorry about that yeah he should
Hey
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
we haven't cut up the fires yet do your
daily party throwers though we have
we haven't cut up the fires yet do your
appreciated your services all these
daily party throwers though we have
years as Friends of Trevor we think it
appreciated your services all these
inappropriate to continue partying after
years as Friends of Trevor we think it
his untimely death Trevor was killed by
inappropriate to continue partying after
a party so we find it honestly sickening
his untimely death Trevor was killed by
to keep up a bloody charade therefore we
a party so we find it honestly sickening
have collectively decided to stop going
to keep up a bloody charade therefore we
to parties for the rest of our lives
have collectively decided to stop going
maybe we'll go to college maybe we'll
to parties for the rest of our lives
start businesses maybe we'll get farms
maybe we'll go to college maybe we'll
and raised chickens the world is our
start businesses maybe we'll get farms
oyster daily party throwers we hope you
and raised chickens the world is our
see that soon sincerely all the high
oyster daily party throwers we hope you
schoolers it seriously says all the high
see that soon sincerely all the high
school kids like every single high
schoolers it seriously says all the high
school kid in every district really we
school kids like every single high
don't need them we can just party the
school kid in every district really we
three of us forever yeah look I know you
don't need them we can just party the
guys are gonna hate it but I have an
three of us forever yeah look I know you
idea
guys are gonna hate it but I have an
[Applause]
well this was a huge mistake
[Applause]
yeah they're like the fucking ants our
well this was a huge mistake
houses honey today what are we gonna do
yeah they're like the fucking ants our
like get your brooms get your own will
houses honey today what are we gonna do
sweep them out and we'll call it an
like get your brooms get your own will
early night
sweep them out and we'll call it an
okay ready we go
early night
[Applause]
okay ready we go
that didn't work I have an idea
[Applause]
the police are coming here they're gonna
arrest all of you guys when they find
the police are coming here they're gonna
out what you're doing
arrest all of you guys when they find
[Applause]
the police I said that your parents are
[Applause]
on their way to this party and they're
the police I said that your parents are
not proud
on their way to this party and they're
[Applause]
okay look your college team is on its
[Applause]
way here any gonna expel you guys
okay look your college team is on its
[Applause]
I'm sorry guys I think I made them
stronger I just came from a party where
I'm sorry guys I think I made them
everyone you know and life is there and
stronger I just came from a party where
he was blamed if you don't go he didn't
everyone you know and life is there and
he's gonna get himself killed I realize
he was blamed if you don't go he didn't
there's no party
he's gonna get himself killed I realize
I think they're gone
he almost died like that could have been
I think they're gone
the end
he almost died like that could have been
[Music]
the end
[Music]
Wow
travel down boys who follow them it's
here yeah he had a real MVP weird
travel down boys who follow them it's
hey we were never as bad as those
college kids right we never went to
hey we were never as bad as those
college you guys were never that bad
college kids right we never went to
guys look what I found it's a new phone
I found on the floor from the party last
guys look what I found it's a new phone
night
I found on the floor from the party last
and there's a little button here that
night
she compressed it'll show you where
and there's a little button here that
every party is from every night from now
she compressed it'll show you where
on I mean sure they'll probably be like
every party is from every night from now
adult parties would still be really
on I mean sure they'll probably be like
boring whatever but like we'll stop a
adult parties would still be really
good time I mean it's better than
boring whatever but like we'll stop a
nothing
good time I mean it's better than
we're not going to any parties tonight
nothing
all right
we're not going to any parties tonight
we love you and we want you to be happy
all right
so if going to parties makes you happy
we love you and we want you to be happy
then by all means go out and party but
so if going to parties makes you happy
we're tired I've been tired for a long
then by all means go out and party but
time I've been tired since 1986 I just
we're tired I've been tired for a long
can't help it anymore
time I've been tired since 1986 I just
and I mean like it was easy being here
can't help it anymore
with the same people partying every
and I mean like it was easy being here
night but going door-to-door that's come
with the same people partying every
on come on you're gonna be so old not
night but going door-to-door that's come
and that old enough if you can't go to a
on come on you're gonna be so old not
party you'd be so old you won't be able
and that old enough if you can't go to a
to do anything you know it's for the
party you'd be so old you won't be able
best
to do anything you know it's for the
come on guys for the party crew I mean I
can't be the party crew without you guys
come on guys for the party crew I mean I
always be the party crew how do I look
can't be the party crew without you guys
dashing it's even got a phone pocket how
always be the party crew how do I look
I guess this is it
dashing it's even got a phone pocket how
have fun be safe
I guess this is it
I love you so much I love you too
have fun be safe
get to old buddy promises
almost midnight I'm a lot older than you
how much cuz like I'm pretty old oh you
almost midnight I'm a lot older than you
ain't gone hundred older 101 uh I was
how much cuz like I'm pretty old oh you
born in 1592 why didn't you tell us
ain't gone hundred older 101 uh I was
I wanted a fresh start I wanted to see
born in 1592 why didn't you tell us
if I could feel like a teenage girl
I wanted a fresh start I wanted to see
again but I'm just not so well I'm sure
if I could feel like a teenage girl
you have lots of amazing stories mmm
again but I'm just not so well I'm sure
it's not as glamorous as you think it's
you have lots of amazing stories mmm
really hard to talk about
it's not as glamorous as you think it's
let me leave we've still got time like
really hard to talk about
we could throw one more party real quick
let me leave we've still got time like
and and then and then tomorrow we can
we could throw one more party real quick
just you can just sit down and tell me
and and then and then tomorrow we can
your whole life story just how day
just you can just sit down and tell me
dedicated entirely to you Yanni's day
your whole life story just how day
and I won't talk I'll just oughta sit
dedicated entirely to you Yanni's day
and listen come on you can't you know
and I won't talk I'll just oughta sit
now doing that at least Steven I I can't
and listen come on you can't you know
do this for one more night life loses
now doing that at least Steven I I can't
its charm after about a hundred years
do this for one more night life loses
and then they're just sitting back
its charm after about a hundred years
watching everyone you love die one after
and then they're just sitting back
another like dominoes and there's
watching everyone you love die one after
nothing you can do but you know what I
another like dominoes and there's
think I think mortality is their one
nothing you can do but you know what I
come on you we were supposed to grow
think I think mortality is their one
together we did
come on you we were supposed to grow
there's not a lot of time mmm I don't
really want you to see me but this
there's not a lot of time mmm I don't
happens I've seen it before and it's him
really want you to see me but this
kind of disturbing so I want to freak
happens I've seen it before and it's him
you
kind of disturbing so I want to freak
[Music]
Oh Stephen rose look at you I'll make
sure I'll tell the kids to stay off your
Oh Stephen rose look at you I'll make
life where's a really
sure I'll tell the kids to stay off your
[Music]
so what's your plan have a life on the
road yes
so what's your plan have a life on the
going from Party to party sounds nice
road yes
sure hmm do you think I wear this in my
life
sure hmm do you think I wear this in my
what no oh wow why'd you say that
life
everyone I know when I'll have kids
what no oh wow why'd you say that
their kids had kids I've ever did that I
everyone I know when I'll have kids
spent my whole life partying every night
their kids had kids I've ever did that I
never settling down never having a
spent my whole life partying every night
family that's not true
never settling down never having a
I think it's happening more it's deep
you wanna go someone just let it happen
I think it's happening more it's deep
what's it like like I got a party really
good one and I don't know I'm not so
what's it like like I got a party really
much surrounded by actual people cuz I
good one and I don't know I'm not so
don't recognize them but I can tell
much surrounded by actual people cuz I
we're gonna be good friends this we're
don't recognize them but I can tell
all just standing around giggling musics
we're gonna be good friends this we're
growing louder it's gonna drop em three
all just standing around giggling musics
two
growing louder it's gonna drop em three
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
you
[Music]
you