Paul (2011) Movie Script
WwW.9movie.co
Moorcroft, Wyoming 1947
Go on then, Paul.
Don't be long ...
Paul?
Paul?
Paul ...
San Diego, California
Today
Comic - Con
The Black Mailbox
Rachel, NEVADA
Area 51
No Tresspassing
I ... I love it here.
You know ...
It feels so ...
Right.
Yeah.
and somehow i feel I belong.
I know what you mean.
I know you mean.
I think this is probably the most fun
I've ever had. You know?
I'm so glad we came Clive.
Clive?
May I?
Be my guest.
I was over there, on my own.
That there is a black vampire.
Watch out !
She bites.
- How much?
- 1,349 dolars, 99 cents.
Are you gonna get it?
Fair enough.
I can't believe we're gonna meet
Adam Shadowchild.
I know ...
He's like the coolest man on the world.
Thank you.
Come forth.
Welcome my friends.
I just wanted to say that "Planet
Vortulagy" is a huge influence on me and ...
... and my work and Sebastian
Rico is a wonderful protagonist.
Don't tell me.
You're a writer.
I am, yeah.
He actually won a Nebulon
Award in 1992.
Working on a follow up.
I'd love to see that.
No, not today.
No, it's a legal thing,
I'm sure it's ...
I'm sure it's good, it's
a wonderful cover ...
Three tits.
Awesome ...
- That was ... Graeme.
- I'm the artist.
My illustrator.
Move along please guys.
- Yes.
- No, no, I ...
Thank you.
- You brought a book?
- No ...
Then fuck off ...
Let's get picture of you and
me and Adam.
- Ok, ready?
- Ready.
Encounter Briefs
- Yes, yes.
- Is that the RV place?
- Yes.
It's definitely two single beds because
there's been a bit of a mix up at the hotel.
Ok, excellent, thank you very much ...
... and have a nice day to you as well.
- Are they here?
- It's in the car park.
- You mean the "parking lot".
- I suure doe ...
Like two American boys.
It nice isn't it? We're actually here.
America, huh?
How long have we dreamt about this?
Since we were kids.
Yeah.
Now, look at us.
Grown men ...
- Pizza !
- Pizza !
- Hi ! How you are?
- Good evening sir.
Come on in.
Uh ... Where can i set these down?
Uhm, you can put it on the bed.
You guys on honeymoon?
No ...
- No, we're just ...
- We're just friends.
There's been a mix up at the ...
reservations been messed up.
Let's clear up the table.
Going on a road trip, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.
Well, you know what?
Better way to follow a comic con ...
... than a tour of America's most
famous UFO hot spots.
Huh?
You know ... we gonna ...
... take Area 51, and the
Black Mailbox in Nevada ...
... and down to Camp Verde,
then to Apache Junction and ...
... then down to Rosewell, New Mexico,
for the sight of the famous crash in '47.
- Ah, no ...
- Everybody knows that.
- Stop it !
It's an alleged sight at this point.
But why would they admit the crash
if the crach happened somewhere else?
- Just agree to ...
- Agree to disagree.
- Again.
- That's what we ...
Do you believe in Aliens?
What do you mean, "Aliens"?
- I'll get rid of that ...
- I'll get it ...
... out of your way.
It's the worst thing.
Thank you.
- Have a nice honeymoon.
- Uh, thank you.
Vasquez Rocks,
California.
Zone 51,
Nevada
Restaurant - Bar - Motel
"Earthlings Welcome"
Little AleInn
Smile.
"Watch the Skies" or
"Alien on Board" ?
"Alien on Board" please.
Ok ... If you're sure.
So ...
How was comic - con?
We met Adam Shadowchild.
Who the hell is Adam
Shadowchild?
Oh,we wrote the "Venusian
Pangenesis".
I didn't read that one.
"The Jenny Star Pepper
in the Great Brass Hand"?
Nah ...
"The Robots Mistress"?
Nah, I like romances.
That's kind of a romance.
What you mean?
A woman and a machine?
- Ah ... yeah.
- I hear that !
So, you fellas are set, or
can i get you something else?
I'd like a refill of coffee
please Pat.
All right then.
How 'bout you pumpkin?
Ah, can i have an "Eaty Malt" now please?
Mmh, you want that with the sparkler?
Yeah.
I'll take that as a yes.
I'll go and do my toilet.
"Maliens"
Very funny.
You sit on top of that bull, right?
And he goes ... co-co-coues ! (?)
What?
I don't know you.
Uh ... some comics.
How do you thinks
that makes me feel?
Be rude to me.
Uhh ... Eggy.
An alien just sitting on my palms.
Clive, um ...
What?
Hey, I'm joking !
They got a soap dispencer like
an head of an aliens head.
It's brilliant !
What?
Here it comes !
What?
Hey, fellas !
How you doin' today?
What is this, some kind
of gay bar?
Nah, it's a place where you
can get a bite to eat and ...
... maybe share a close encounter.
Yep, sounds like a gay bar.
Oh ! Oh, no we're just friends.
So, you guys look like you
could do like a couple of beers.
You go do that !
All right, we can do that !
Yeah, yes.
Leave it, leave it.
Thank you very much.
What you doin'?
Don't you put those queer eyes on me !
I forgot the sticker !
What took you so long?
I was putting the sticker up.
They're not pail, are they?
Yeah, definitely not kind my kind of people.
Yeah, well ...
Not very much we'll be seeing them again.
Oh !
That wasn't their truck, was it?
No ...
Should I go and have a look?
No ...
Extraterrestail Highway
Black Mailbox
Wow ...
It's probably the coolest thing
I've ever seen.
Do you remember when we
googled it on your mom's computer and ...
... and the phone rang and you
thought that it was the FBI ?
I didn't really thinks it was the FBI.
- You started crying.
- I just ...
You never been to Brussels.
Go stand next to it.
Yep.
Smile.
It's good.
Imagine if we got buzzed by a craft.
Amazing, isn't it?
Smile.
What would you do if they actually landed?
Well, the first contact is a big
responsibility, isn't it?
They come in peace,
we go to pieces?
- That's not how i roll.
- Nah ...
Do you think, that's those men?
No ...
I think we've seen enough ...
Let's go ...
Go, go, go ... !
- Come on, get it ...
- This is like "Deliverence".
A rapist who break arms?
I don't want my arms broken !
Come on, the toilet ...
- You've just been ...
-You know I've god child's bladder.
Do not let 'em get past !
What you want me to do?
Ram them?
What about the deposit ?!
It's not them !
It's not them,
It's not them ...
Ah, oh my God ...
It was awful ...
Hello?
Maybe you should call for help.
It's ringing.
I wouldn't do that if i were you.
Put ... the phone ... down.
Oh, fuck me ...
What have you done to him ?!
I didn't do anything, he fainted.
But ... you made him faint !
Yes, but it's not like i set
my phaser to faint ...
You've got a phaser?
No ... I don't ... look !
Listen ...
Hey ... I really need your help. Ok?
Can we get this guy back in your wagon?
What ... whe ...
You're an alien !
To you, I am, yes.
Are you gonna probe us?
Why does everyone
always assume that?
What am I doing?
Am I harvesting farts?
How much can I learn from an ass?
What ... I ... what ...
I'm sorry, what's your name?
Graeme Willy
And what's his name?
Uh, that's the writer
Clive Gollings.
Ok, cool.
I'm Paul.
Paul?
Yeah.
It's a nickname, it stuck.
My ship crashed and i ...
... dog ! It doesn't matter.
Look, can we get Clive Gollings back
on the RV and get the hell outa here, please?
- I can't be ...
- I'm in a hell of a pickle ...
And if you don't help me,
I could die on this road tonight.
I don't know, we're in a
quite tight schedule ...
Look man ...
Sometimes you just gotta
roll the dice.
What do you say?
Okay.
Okay. Perfect, great !
Okay, help me, help me grab him.
This man's peed his pants.
Yeah, he's got childs bladder.
Oh, fantastic ...
Doesn't this thing go any faster?
Well, I ...
- I'm sorry, the speed limit is 70 ...
- Screw the speed limit !
Actually, no. Uh, don't screw it.
That's good thinking. Okay?
Stay conspicuous.
That's good.
How come i can understand you?
You using some sort of neoron language router?
Actually, I'm speaking English,
you fucking idiot !
Sorry ...
You're in shock right now.
I understand this must be very weird for you.
Just act normal and drive north.
Okay?
Gotta get as much as we can
between us and the Big Guy.
Zoil?
What's happening?
He's gone.
Shit !
Looks like he hitched a ride too.
- What do you mean?
- Tire tracks.
Bastard jacked a native ?!
Could be too ...
Don't you think this is a bit
of a coincidence?
Are you suggesting anew?
The little fucker might've
found home.
There might be a rescue party on the way.
Zoil, we need to break out the big guns.
Do you think that's wise?
The last thing we need is...
... a hu-ha ?!
Maybe you're right.
Listen, I got 2 rookies on a
special mission 75 clicks north of you.
I'll have them set up a road block.
These are just civillians,
why don't you let me take care of it?
You might need the extra muscle.
Just keep 'em in the dark.
I don't want any loose ends.
Well, these roads can be
treacherous at night.
People get in accidents ...
... all the time.
I like your thinking.
Get it done.
Heads up !
We just got reassigned.
Nice !
What about the sandwich?
- She said we could share it.
- I love this job.
I love pistachios.
I hate when you get a closed one, right?
I usually just bite them.
No, you don't do it at all.
They should be opened on their own way.
- No, that's mussels.
- No, I meant the pistachios ...
What are you doing ?!
He's ok, he's fine, he's friendly !!
His name's Paul !
Aliens aren't called Paul ...
Was that Klingon?
You psychotic nerd !
Listen, Paul is from a small M-Class planet
nothern spiral arm of the Andromeda Galaxy.
Thank you.
He looks too obvious !
There's a reason for that Clive !
Over the last 60 years, the human
race has been drip fed of images ...
... of my face, on lunch boxes,
and t-shirts and shit.
In case our species do meet,
you don't have a fuckin' spaz attack !!...
Don't do it again !
You fuckin' dorf, get
your fingers outta there !
If i get a jorf infection, you're dead !
Oh, my god !
Oh, shit ...
Paul ...
Paul?
Ok, ok, this could be it.
So, what are we looking for again?
I don't know.
What brings you to USA?
Uh, we're on holiday.
We've been to comic-con.
Comic-con?
Don't tell O'Rilley.
He loves that shit.
You guys know Benny Hill?
No ...
Oh my god, look at this !
- What ?!
- Look at this !
These guys met Adam Shadowchild.
Who the hell's
Adam Shadowchild?
He wrote the "Jupiter Praxis".
What?
"Jenny Starpepper
and the Huge White Gibbon"?
Huh?
"Night of the Moths"?
Are you speaking English?
He's ... brilliant ...
What was he like?
He was a bit intense.
Oh, he's an artist.
Let me see this.
What is this, nerd porn?
- Oh no, that's Clives ...
- It's my novel.
Okay ...
Uh ! Three tits !
That's awesome ...
You guys should've
given her 4 tits.
That's just sick !
I was just sayin'
Do you think this is it?
Not that full ...
What else did you find in there?
No, not much ...
Just some pissy jeans.
- Oh, Clive's got a child bladd....
- Shut up ...
Okay, you guys can go.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Can I have my novel?
Thank you very much.
May I ask what you're searching for?
No ...
Come on, Graeme.
- Way to go, Dirty Harry.
- You got that?
I ... did I catch you?
Oh my God, like a cold mechanic.
I think it's pretty obvious
what happened there isn't it?
Is it?
The government used some kind of
neoro toxic paint on the Black Mailbox.
Caused a shared hallucination
about aliens, it makes complete sense.
Oh !...
You're dick is gone ...
Oh, no ...
What?
Come on, grow up ...
You guys seen my shorts?
How did you do that?
How did you go invisible?
Oh, it's camouflage response.
Well, like "Predator"?
Exactly, altough i can only do it
while holding my breath.
You can do it anytime you want?
"Anytime".
That's just like it ...
Am I the only sane person here ?!
Eh ?!
It's allright for you, isn't it ?!
You'll go back to area 51 ...
... we'll be arrested for
harboring a fugutive !
And sent to Guantanamo Bay !
Why don't I go make
some bagels and coffee?
Leave you two alone.
What's the matter Clive?
There's an alien in the kitchen
making bagels and coffee.
- Did you want tea?
- No, I don't want tea !
Right, because tea is
weird in America, right?
They leave the baguette ...
What's weird Graeme is that we
picked up an extra terrestrial ...
... hitch hiker and you seem
completely fine with it !
Bagels and coffee ...
Uh ! Marmite ...
He said his life's in danger.
He needs our help, you know?
Sometimes you just gotta
roll the dice.
What if we wake up and
find him inserting a probe ...
... into our anus?
Apparently they don't do that.
Anyone, want one of these?
Eh, anyone?
Anyone?
Eh?
Coming, ready or not,
you son of a bitch ...
Where's the other one?
I don't know sir.
Uh ...
Haggard !
Sorry, we were just ...
Haggard !
Fuck ...
Nice ... uh ...
Get over here ... it's
the guy with the badge.
We were just playing hide and seek ...
... so we have a lot of time.
Hurry up.
I was hiding.
You have any traffic through here?
No, just a couple of hillbilly types.
Two nerdes in an RV.
Nerds, huh?
Yes, they've come from comic-con !
They've met Adam Shadowchild !
Who the hell is
Adam Shadowchild?
He ... he wrote Prison Hawk 441.
Ok? Jenny Starpepper and
the Spinning Worm.
Right? Fluxing your anus.
You know you're grown man, right?
Probably shave, pay taxes?
Have pubic hair?
All of those things.
- Did you search that vehicle?
- Yes , sir.
What'd you find?
Uh, nothin' much, just ...
A book with a green woman with three...
- ... titties.
- Dude, it's three titties.
Three tits, that's awesome.
Oh, and some pissy jeans.
Close that.
Preexisting problem ...
Listen to me you freakin' fuck,
i want to know everyting you ...
... can remember about the
pissy nerds, ok?
We're leaving.
What about the road block, sir?
It didn't work.
Hey ! Rieces pieces !
Yes, thank you.
Heard there was a commotion
on the road after Rachel.
Funny, I didn't hear that.
It must've been the boys out to paste.
Hey.
That's a bit much, isn't it?
- What?
- Put it all back !
What about Paul's "Rieces Pieces"?
Just hurry up !...
No, you go ahead.
Thank you.
- Is that beast outside yours?
- What?
What do you mean "beast"?
Your RV?
Oh, the, yes ...
The RV is ....
Where are you boys from?
England.
England.
I heard about England.
No guns.
- No, not many.
- No ...
Not really, just you know ...
Farmers ...
How are police supposed to shoot anybody?
- They don't ...
- They try not to.
Um, 20. Keep the change.
And give it to charity or something.
You're amazing, Graeme !
That cop didn't suspect a thing !
And Clive ...
You didn't pee you pants.
I don't like to be stick in the mud but ...
You're asking a lot from us, right?
We just met, we don't know
where we're going, or why ...
You don't think we deserve an explanation?
Look ... the less you guys know the better.
I want you to have plausible deniability.
Let's just say, I spent a lot of time
in that base thinking i was a guest ...
Turns out ... I was a prisoner.
But don't worry.
I got it all under ... Ah !!
Fuck, that made me jump.
Poor little thing.
I don't know, you could've done mate.
Ew ... What are you doin'?
Just watch ...
It's a miracle !
Man, I'm gonna miss these ...
What would you do that?
I'm not gonna eat a dead bird, am I?
You got me thinking that I'm
wasting my time ...
Don't bring me down ... Oh guys !
Eleven o'clock,
Twelve o'clock ...
Come on, it's fun !
If you think about it,
it's time travel ...
Eleven o'clock,
twelve o'clock ...
Yes, all right !
Let me see, let me see.
No, just sit still ...
You gonna try me like
one of your French girls, Jack?
I'm joking.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
just don't make me look fat, ok?
- First gravity sats ass ...
- Paul !
Can I ask you a question?
Shoot !
Have you ever done that to a person?
Yes, I've eaten many people.
I'm joking big guy ! Relax ...
No, I mean you know, fix them.
Oh, no ! Not a dead person.
Recently dead bird, that's one thing ...
... dead person, whole other ball game.
It's actually really dangerous for me,
The damage can actually bounce back on to me ...
I'm sorry, am I boring you?
Have you heard this one before?
Are you tried saussage?
Don't call me that in front of him !
Are you tired though?
Eggie, I'm bushed !
You know what? We're all tired.
Let's just pull over and stop for the night.
We're fugutives Paul, all right?
I refuse to just ...
... sit around and wait around to
get fingered by the Men in Black.
Look, we just gotta find somewhere quiet,
and don't draw attention to ourselves.
But, where are we going, Paul?
Oh, you'll know it when you see it.
- Two white guys?
- Two, strange ...
Strange white guys, got it.
- Order anythig weird?
- Chocolate.
Chocolate, awkward.
Zoil, report.
We've tracked him into a gas
station in Eli, he maybe travelling ...
... in an RV with two men
from England.
New England?
Old England.
Creepy. What are they, MI6?
Negative, just couple of nerds
in the lam from comic-con.
Something doesn't feel right.
I think he's getting help
from the inside.
I want those nerds iced and
that little green prick get back ...
... in his fishbowl or dead, ASAP.
I'm closing in, I can feel it.
In 24 hours he'll wish he
never set foot on planet earth.
Okay.
Here we are, this is the place.
bTHE PEARLY GATES/b
Yeah, this looks good.
Doesn't look like anyone's been murdered here.
Awfully quiet.
Quiet is good, Graeme.
Quiet is our friend.
Hi there !
There's a girl outside ...
Okay.
We're just a couple of regular guys
on a tour of the American Midwest.
I don't think she heard you.
I'm talking to you,
I'm talking to you.
Oh, sorry.
Hi.
I'm Ruth Buggs.
Good evening Ruth,
I am the writer Clive Gollings.
This is my friends cohort
Mr Graeme Willy.
Um ...
Do you got room?
Sure, yeah, park in Bay 9.
It's 25 $ a night, including hook-ups ...
... and I need an ID to hold on to.
Okay.
There you go, It's
my passport.
The UK ...
I love the UK.
- Have you been ...
- No.
You should go.
Oh ...
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, you should go to London.
There's a lot of places I wanna go.
RUTH !!
Ruth, get in here !!
Well, I'll be by to get your money
so, have a pleasent evening.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
And you, bye.
She was lovely.
You just marry her then.
- Boo !!
- Hey !
What took you so long?
I was just talking Papa.
You talk too much.
Sorry Papa.
Hello.
Want a cigarette?
No thanks, I don't smoke.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, sure.
You and Graeme, you guys uh ...
What?
You know ...
You know ...
You guys, two guys ...
Aren't you getting me?
What you ...
- I don't know what you mean.
- Gay ! - No !!
Why do people keep saying that?
Nah, I'm just wondering ...
Totally cool, if you are.
Everyone's fine on my planet.
It's all about the pleasure thing.
You know I'm sayin'?
Why you here Paul?
Oh, I was on a science mission actually.
And then I had some
spaceship related ... problems.
And I kinda ... crashed ...
Lucky for me though. This little
girl, she pulls me out of the wreck ...
... next thing i know, guys arrive
carv me up to the base.
What have you been doing here
all this time?
You know ...
Getting back man, I've been shootin' the shit ...
- ... I've been advising the Government.
- Not just the Government ...
- You I wanna have some kind of a
special power, you know? - Yeah.
- Something messianic.
- Okay, Steven.
- Uh, how about cellular revelification?
- Yeah, I don't know what that is.
Oh, restoration of damaged tissiue
through telephatic manipulation ...
- ... of a transit field memory.
- What's that mean?
- It means, "healing" Mr Spielberg.
- Yeah, right. - It's ok.
Like by touch or something like that like ...
... maybe its finger lights up when
he reaches out and touches.
Maybe, you know, somethimes
I find less is more.
Hey ... Trust me.
You'd be surprised how much he's
influenced popular culture over the last 60 years.
Agent Moulder was right.
- Agent Moulder was my idea !
- Really ?!
- Wow ...
- Yeah !
That's cool.
Honk that shit Earth-Man.
I like this song.
Harvard's my boy.
Come on.
Break it down a bit boys.
Don't be afraid.
Yeah, look at me, I'm breaking it down.
Use them tongs !
Get those tongs !
Stope the fire ...
Yes.
Ruth !! Prayers !
I don't know the rest of this song.
No one does.
Uhh, who's knocking?
Stop this.
- What are you doin'?
- Oh, shut up ...
I'll hide in here.
- Don't come out.
- Why would I come out?
- Who is it?
- It's Ruth.
Don't you dare opening
that door ...
- Hi there.
- Hi.
Good morning.
May I come in?
- No.
- Yeah, Come on in.
- No, no, no.
- Make yourself at home.
Not really dressed.
So, where's the other one?
The other one?
It's just ...
Oh, oh, it's ok.
We don't charge by the person.
There were three shadows i saw
dancing around the RV last night, right?
- The other one ...
- Oh ...
I'm in the can.
I ate a ...
... a closed pistachio.
I'm paying for it.
It's a nice t-shirt.
Oh thanks, I got it at my church.
"EVOLVE THIS"
- It's Jesus shooting Charles Darwin.
Why would Jesus wanna
shoot Charles Darwin?
Because of his blasphemous theories?
Are you men of God?
We're men of science ...
You know, we believe in the ...
... establishment of a biological order
through the maelstrom of physical ...
... and chemical chaos.
The world is 4000 years old and can only
be the product of an intelligent design.
That's whoreshit !!
Um ... alright ...
Well then, please explain how something as complex
as the human eye simply just comes into being?
Just come into being ?!
It's the combination of ...
... billions of years of development
and cost countless species !
What are you talking about ?!
Evolution baby !!
Blasphemy !
- Blasphemy ?! - Nothing that you can
say can shake my beliefs. Perfect.
And the short and certain knowledge that
God made Heaven and Earth and ...
... created us all in his own image.
- His own image ?!
- Yeah ...
Well, I got a question ...
How do you explain me ?!
She's goin'. She's fallin'
Catch ...
And that's Jenga.
Why did you do that ?!
I ... just ... she fainted !
We've gone through this !
But we have to take her with us now !
- No ! No !
- What ...
This is America. Kidnapping a Christian,
that's worse than harboring a fugutive.
Yeah, but she's seen you !
If we leave, she's gonna call the police !
No one's gonna believe this
God bothering cyclop ...
... let's just dump her on the road !
- Just roll her up on the road ...
- No, we can't risk that !
If we take us, then we
can get her on our side.
Yeah, you'd love her to
get her on our side, wouldn't you?
That doesn't make sense.
Look, she'll be fine.
We're quite nice !
All right. What about my passport?
Oh, God ... Guys.
"JESUS has the right of way"
Uh, no !!...
Hollings
Clive
British Subject
Oh, yes ...
Ruth, what in the Lord's name ...
Morning ...
Morn ...
Go, go, go, go, go !! ...
Oh fuck !
Shook yourself daemon !
Where are you ?!
Where are you ?!
Passport, passport !!
Jump, jump !!
What? That's actually small
on my planet.
bFUCK YOU/b
Um, Ruth?
Hello, Ruth.
Would you like a cup of tea?
Where am I?
Hey, look who's awake?
Daemon ! Daemon !
No, no, we're sorry,
we're not gonna hurt you, i promise.
And we'll let you go as
soon as we can.
You've been decieved by an agent
of Satan himself.
He's evil !
I'm sitting right here, come on !
No, no, he's not evil.
He's just a bit rude.
We're trying to help him get home.
He's from another world.
There's only one world.
Our world !
The world that God, the
father created !
Hey, if it makes feel any better,
my existence only disproves ...
... the traditional notions of
Abraham and todays notion of Chrisian God.
As well as all thrology,
that's all i meant.
Amazing Grace ...
... How sweet the sound ...
What is with you people ?!
Ruth, just listen to me for
one second, if you could just calm down ...
I can't ... drive like this.
Fuck this !
What did you do to her ?!
I just transfered my collective knowledge and
experience through her tactile psyscho connective bridge.
Oh, wow, could you do me?
It really takes the head of me.
Oh, come on, please.
Oh, wow ...
Oh, yeah ...
He always knew what was
going on at Battlestar before me ...
... 'cause his mom had cable.
Fine, pull over, I'll do you.
Absolutely not, no spoilers !
I didn't call the Government !
I called the police !
This is not the police's area
of expertise Mr Buggs.
That devil took my doughter.
What do you mean "devil"?
And your doughters name
is Ruth, is it?
That's right.
I brought her up by myself
after her momma died.
Yeah, she's pretty easy to spot.
She's got this eye thing since she was 4 years old.
Do you have a phone here
that your doughter might try to ...
... reach you at if she
decides to call?
Yeah, in the back.
Hey, Peter Parker.
Wanna put the snappy down and
get to the phone?
Right ...
She'll call me if she can.
You mentioned it when ...
Fuck you ...
Here we go.
Boys, to the car.
Sir ...
Might tell us what we're looking for?
Yeah, what are we looking for?
I told you this is a
need to know operation.
Yes ... sir.
But ...
Sh ... Dammit ...
Sir, i think it's time you tell us.
Hey, just do what the fuck i tell you, Haggard.
Now, let's go find that crazy old bastards
little girl before it's too late.
Ruth !
Ruth, wait !
Leave me alone !
Please, please stop, i got shin splints !
He ... he can not be from space.
It's not possible !
Okay? He's from somewhere else !
Look, Ruth, you saw it
for yourself, okay?
He showed you.
There's probably billions of intelligent
civilizations out there.
So, where is everybody?
I ... but ... one of them's there !
Are they lookin' ?
Are they lookin' ?
Are they lookin' right now ?!
Sorry !
That's pathetic ...
What's your beef Clive?
I don't have beef.
I'm from outer space ...
... you're a science fiction writer.
We should be best buds.
It's not you.
It's me.
Is that what this is?
You're jealaous of ... her ?!
It's not just that.
Whoa ...
Of me ?!
Oh my ... This is because me and
Graeame got like 2 minutes when you were asleep?
- Is that what this is?
- I wanted it to be special, you know?
I've dreamt about meeting you.
Ever since I saw Mac and Me.
And I blew it.
Now you two are friendly and ...
... he's off talking to girls and he's ...
Where am I ?!
Come on man !
This ... is special.
You guys being all nerdy and shit.
And meeting me, that is fate.
Who cares if you pissed your pants man?
When I first got here, first time
I saw you, I puked.
You guys are weird lookin',
you've giant bodies, tiny ...
... tiny heads.
You're just being nice now.
Look, do you want it sugar?
It's just knowledge and experience man.
You're a writer. Might give you some inspiration.
Will it hurt?
Only if you struggle.
Allright.
So there's no heaven, no hell.
No right, no wrong, no sin.
What ...
- I can drink.
- If you like.
- I can fornicate.
- Maybe.
- I can curse.
- Well, yeah. - Penises !
- Ruth ... - Assing hairy
boobs poop, farting, butt holes !
Ruth, I'm not sure this is helping !
Wha ... what are you doing ?!
Ha ... stop it !
Why ?! Why should i stop ?!
This is ...
Because ...
You have your whole life
to explore new things.
Okay?
Doesn't necessarily mean ..
You should be exploring mine right now ...
You ...
You said you wanted to travel, allright?
To see like new stuff.
This is your chance !
I ... I really think you
should come with us.
Where would i sleep?
I'll sleep on the sofa.
And then you can have my bed.
You know? But I'd push the
tissues off with a pen if i were you ...
... because I've had a cold.
Oh ...
Ruth has decided that she would
like to come with us.
Wicked ...
I'm gonna go refreshen up.
Hey. Ruth !
Wait up
You don't smoke.
I just wanted to say thanks.
I know this is been weird for you, but ...
... you saved my life and i owe you one.
Okay?
Okay.
What do you got there?
By the way ...
Severe epiral membrane complicated by mecular
deamon in your left ventricilous cavity?
How did you know that?
Lucky guess.
Do you mind if i take a
look at it for one second?
What does it say in the Old
Testament? An eyer for an eye?
Wait ... i don't ...
It's okay. You can trust me.
I don't know.
Just have a little faith, ok?
How did you do that?
Evolution baby.
- Um, Graeme ...
- Yeah?
- Oh my God ... Clive ...
- Oh my God ...
Come on, make your move.
Oh shit, dammit ...
You were the best thing
I ever invaded - George BUSH
Hey, check it out, check it out !
Uh? See, it's easy.
Small corrections Paul,
make small corrections.
Get to the right !!
Hey there sleepy face ...
Fuckaroo, that was the best
titty farting sleep I've ever had.
Uh ... I gotta feeling that you're
new to cursing Ruth ...
Look, cursing's fun,
you just gotta pick your moments, ok?
Hey, maybe we should stop for some food,
is anybody hungry?
Fuck yeah !
- Ruth ?
- You bet your big fat cock I am !
Nice !
I'm starvin' ...
What's new "fat hair" ?
It's not fat Paul, it's power.
- Fat power. - It's rude.
- You're rude.
Maybe you should call my dad.
What ?!
What? Why?
I've been gona for a whole day,
and if he calls the police ...
... they're gonna be looking for us.
If I don't there's a good chance
that we all end up in Shit Butt City.
You're really getting the hang of this.
Thanks dick-milk.
The music is from
"Star Wars: Episode IV"
It won't be long.
Ok ... be ... be careful.
Ruth Buggs?
Yes?
Listen to me carefully.
I want you to tell me where you are.
Who is this?
My name is Agent Zoil and it's very
important you tell me where you are ...
... and where you are headed Miss Buggs.
I ... I ... can't tell you.
I mean, I ... don't ... know.
You've been abducted. The individual
that you're travelling with is highly dangerous.
Oh no, he's not dangerous.
I mean, he's kind of rude ...
He curses a lot ...
And a couple of times I've seen
him scratch his ...
... space man ... balls.
Please listen to me. Your father is
extremely worried about you ...
... and we'd like to get
you home Miss Buggs.
He showed me things.
She's talking about his
spaceman balls.
You know I'm just trying to
help you, right Ruth?
I just ... I don't know what's
real anymore, I'm confused ...
- We got the bitch !!
- Yeah dog, up high !
Dammit Haggard, Miss ...
- Hey, hey, hey !
- Wow, wow, wow !
Around there baby?
- I have to get to my friends.
- What's the rush?
I gotta friend down here
who'd love to meet you.
Okay?
Oh, what the fuck ?!
Hey, hey !!
Hey, how's your dad?
- We gotta go, we gotta go.
- How 'bout the pizzas?
We gotta go now !!
Holy shit !
It's the space faggots
getting the fuck mobile !
Yeah, we were just leaving.
I don't feel well.
- Oh shit, sailors !
- Let's go !!
Excuse me miss ...
Papa ?!
Ruth ... My Lord ... Your eye !
- Come on, let's go !
- What about my dad ?!
- Where're you goin' girls ?!
- Leave us alone you stupid vaginas !!
That's no way for a pretty little
thing like you to talk !
She's very new to be honest !
Leave this to me, I'll talk to 'em.
Yo fuck nuts !!
It's probin' time ...
Hah ! Only one of us fainted !
Oh, shit ! The 5-0, let's bounce !
I'm sorry. They answered the phone.
They knew about us.
Get in the RV ...
Come on, they're gonna wake up !
Sorry !
- Ok, we need to get off the road.
- Shouldn't we keep moving?
No, that is exactly what they'll
expect us to do, trust me !
Only an idiot would stop right now !
- Yeah, pull in here, pull in here.
That's perfect. - What ?!
- Paul ...
- We're idiots, remember?
What should we do now?
Well, how about hot chocolate and bed?
What are you, my grandma?
Oh, I couldn't sleep.
I'm too pumped.
Yeah, me too. Let's get some beers.
Find somewhere to chill.
What do you say?
What if someone sees you?
It's dead out there.
And I can do this ...
- Ok, I'm in.
- Roggie?
- Sure.
- Bowinkle?
- Well, I'm a little bit tired.
- Don't be a pussy ...
Don't call me a p ...
Allright.
- Allright, come on.
- Ruth ...
Get your hands off me.
Gus ?!
Something i can help you, with?
Yeah, you mind telling me
what happened here?
Uh ... just a good ol' fashioned
beer soke slobber knocker.
See anything unusual?
Couple hillbilly types in the back
of that meat wagon won't stop crying.
Did you gentlemen see anything
unusual this evening?
Are we sure?
Thank you.
bFUCK YOU/b
- It's a nice window.
- This is the little cowboy, isn't it?
I'll tell you, tell you, that's just funny.
It was when you
kiss me yesterday.
- Sorry.
- No.
I was like, "Girl for you rapists !"
Do it again if you like.
What?
Said, you can do it
again if you like.
Really?
If you're gonna try it, then maybe
you should do it with a friend, you know ...
... rather than some stranger, because,
there's a lot weirdos out there.
Oh, I am planning on doing a lot of kissing ...
... and fornicating so ...
... you'd really be helping me out.
Great.
Wh ... what ... do you mean now?
- I tought, ...
- Yeah, I did but ...
We could, let's do it now.
- I mean,
- Yeah.
Um, my hands on you ...
Staying here ...
Hold steady ...
Fuck ! I'm sorry.
I tought I was gonna pass out ...
Carry on ...
- How's that mate?
- Nothin' nothin', just hangin' around.
They were about to make out.
It was awkward ! ...
We were just ...
Good ...
Please put your shorts on Paul.
You guys partake?
No, thank you.
I'll partake.
Are you sure?
It's pretty strong shit.
I got it from the military actually.
This is the stuff that killed Dylan.
Bob Dylan is not dead.
Isn't he?
Hit me.
Ok, just ... you know ... go easy on it.
Ruth ...
A little bit, a little bit.
It's not so bad.
To be fair, it takes a while
to be absorbed in.
Oh, shit ...
I'm hungry. We should
cook up some saussages.
Do we have any saussages?
What do you mean by that?
Why do you guys hate me?
Can we go cook up
some saussages?
Oh, I have waspes in my brain !
She'll be fine ...
That happened to me the first time.
Paul ...
I was gonna ask ...
you know us right?
Yeah, Graeme we're
like modified BFF.
Why are you in such
a hurry to leave now?
Well, according to the Government,
I fulfilled my usefulness.
I told them eveything I know,
the only thing I've left off for them now ...
... are my abilities.
The healing, the thought transfer,
the camouflage.
In order to cultivate those abilities,
they need some of my stem cells.
And I'm not really down with that.
Lucky for me, I do have
one friend left on the inside.
So, a man should get
SOS a beamed into space ...
... I got my people primed
and ready to pick me up.
Then, motherfuckers brought the
procedure forward by a day ...
... and my whole plan goes to shit !
What happened?
The way at the labs?
I zapped my ass, I stole his car
I took off.
Found you guys.
So what happends if you get cought?
Graeme ...
They're gonna cut out my brain.
Oh ...
Yeah, it's fucked.
It's kind of a buzzkill.
Let's lighten the mood shall we ...
... Clive, when did you last get laid?
Oh, hmm ...
- Connect many at London(?) '08
- '08 ...
Ewok chick ...
Clive likes boning space bears !...
Shut up !
Clive, seroiusly, be honest with me.
What was it like?
Well ...
She was furry nice ...
Oh ! This is gonna say !
Uh, that's gross !
Hey Clive ...
- Oh, Boomer it's forbidden.
- Hey Clive ...
Clive !
Let's go guys !
We gotta get outa here.
Where's Ruth?
She went back to the RV.
'course ...
He can read minds !
Come on ...
bGONE BACK
Uh, guys, I think we have
a slight problem over here.
Uh ... man.
I can't hold my breath the whole
way through town.
Wait here ...
Wait, Oi, Wait ...
Morning. Agent Zoil, Secret
Service. Do you mind if I come ...
... in there and ask you
a few questions?
Not at all ...
Morning.
Why are we holding hands?
- So we look like a family.
- Yeah, the fuckin' Freedmants.
- You could be a midget.
- You're obsessed with midgets ...
- No, I'm not.
- Stop it, just act normal.
Ok, we're just a couple of ragular guys
walking down the street with a small cowboy.
Allright Clive?
Clive?...
- Clive ...
- Oh, come on !
Katana
Clive, what're you doing?
Yeah man, what the fuck ?!
I want it ...
Well I can appreciate the bargain
and everything but this is ...
... not Comic-Con, Clive,
this is reality.
False economy anyway, you'll
break the fist time you use it, let's go.
Why would I ever use it?
Can we just go please?
Wait ... maybe we should go inside.
- What ?!
- We'll hide out.
You go back and get Ruth.
Get the RV, pick us up in 10 minutes.
You sure?
Trust me ...
Morning. My name is Agent Zoil,
Secret Service, mind if I come in ...
- ... and ask you a few questions?
- Um ...
No, do you mind if we just
do it right here?
Okay.
This placeis a real ...
... cock suckin' mess.
Got it.
I'm telling you.
We're looking for a goddamn alien.
I thought all that Project
Bluebook stuff was whoreshit.
Nah, it all makes sense.
I mean, all this hush hush crap ...
... the drawing that I found ...
And what do you think that
girl was talking about last night?
Holy shit ! Spaceman balls ...
Yeah, and who has
spaceman balls?
Buzz Aldrin?
Be serious.
"Encounter Brief"
- Hello, handsome.
Is that you?
Oh, huh?
Is that you on the cover?
I ... no ...
What's your name?
Keith Nash.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Paul.
- Right.
- So ... uh ...
You're not freaked out by me?
Mmh, yes and no.
You mind taking a look
in these photographs,
... tell me if you recognise
anyone of these gentlemen ...
... or the one-eyed girl?
Mam?
No ...
Anything, anything at all?
- I mean, look this is an alien?
- Yeah ...
- This is huge.
- I know.
- This is huge ...
- I know ...
Is that a comic book shop?
Can we go in there?
Maybe.
If you're good.
Thanks so much for your
time Misses ...
Darwin.
Char ... lotte Darwin.
Charlotte Darwin,
you have a great day.
You should get this one.
- Thanks ...
- Yeah, it's good.
Nice ! ...
I like your style Keith Nash.
I gotta go.
- Catch you later.
- Bye Paul.
Don't get cought.
Happy trails !
Huh ! Pretty good.
Pretty good ...
Um, how much is that?
The sword, 299.99.
Plus tax.
Ok, I'll have it now.
Come on man, let's go !
Be right out !
Chute, it's like a cufflink thing.
Spaceman balls?
Get your goddamn hands off
my motherfucking junk !
It's in there !
It's in there !
Hello ...
O'Reilly ! You dumm shit
that's just an asshole in a mas ...
Holy Mary Mother of God ...
I gotta quit smoking ...
- Shit !
- Come up behind me !
Hurry up, butt-crocks !
Hey look, it's that nerd.
Whoa whoo !
Yeah !
- Who's that kid?
- Keith Nash ! Punch it !
Wait, who's that kid ?!
Come on buddy, let's go !
Woah, woah, what's goin' on?
Did you guys get me some information?
- We saw it, we saw the alien.
- It was in the comic book shop ...
... hidious, I think I shit my pants !
I don't know what you guys
are talking about.
You know what ?!
You know exactly what we're
talking about ! ...
I'm sick and tired of you the d ....
Where ... the ... fuck ... did ... he ... go?
I got two doors for you.
I got mine.
With, with those nerds.
So ... you wanna follow us ... big guy?
- You kids are gonna back to the base,
- Uh huh ...?
You guys gonna stick behind.
Do a little adult work, now ...
... tell me which way the
little green guy went.
North, north east highway !
North east highway.
Stragiht home now.
Sorry guys, it's my dad !
This guy doesn't quit !
Kinda have to respect it.
- Oh God, Graeme, drive faster !
- Oh wait ! - Calm down.
Asshordes are gonna catch us !
- Hey calm down, pull over !
- What do you mean "pull over" ?!
Pull over !!
Allright ... that's it ...
this is too dangerous ...
... I'm ... I can make it on my
own from here.
- What do you mean ...
- No !
Graeme, you've done enough.
I'll boost a car or something,
I can drive an automatic !
You're a terrible driver !
He's right Paul, you can't
even drive a spaceship.
I'm close now.
I'll be fine !
Oh, but we've come all this way !
Yeah, and at what cost, huh ?!
I've shaken your faith,
I've almost got you guys killed !
I just want to get home ...
You are going home, I think we've
come too far to let you do this alone !
Yeah ! What happened to BFF's ?!
We're in this together Paul !
You bet your hairy love eggs we are !
The last 72 hours have been
the ride of my life and ...
... I'm fucked if I'm getting
off this bus now !
- Yeah, me too.
- And me.
Well that settles it.
We're all fucked.
Thank you guys, so much ...
... if if if you're absolutely sure,
there's a little somethin' you can do for me.
Fireworks
World Outlet
The Five Tones
Seems rather fitting.
Hmm.
That wasn't good
at there was it?
Cool.
Hello.
That'll ve 299.99
plus tax.
Hmm, same as the swords.
Look, they're running.
- Holy shit ! Get the door !
- Oh, shit ! Can you drive this thing ?!
I've been driving these
things my whole life.
Come on, get in, get in !
Praiseful !
Zoil, picked up a 911
outside of prospect.
Fireworks store just got ripped off
by two British nerds in an RV.
Son of a bitch !
According to the local, they're
on the 14th. 40 miles west of you.
Drive like a man,
you'll catch up them in 30.
Cops are standing down,
you better spin your ass around.
Roger that !
Don't make me come out there.
I'm guest of honor at the
Governor's Ball tonight ...
... I'm dressed up real nice.
Where the hell does this
You tell me ...
I don't know, you got Thermopolis,
you got Lytle Creek ...
Holy shit ! Moorcroft's
on the 14th.
You don' think uh ...
Son of a bitch is going back.
He's gonna find that contact.
We got him, Zoil. Bring me back
my space monkey, and I'll ...
... guarantee you Level 5
clearance and all the perks.
Great, betther parking space.
I don't know man. I don't
know, he looks awful mad.
Fuck him. He's a dinosaur.
It's time for some new blood.
Welcome to
MOORCROF
Ok, we're nearly there.
This is where we've been headed?
No, I ... I just need a
little stop first, ok?
Do you think we really got
time to be making little stops Paul?
This is something
I really have to do.
Ok, stop here,
that's good.
That's close enough.
Shouldn't we park a bit closer?
No ...
We don't wanna scare her.
Scare who?
- You knock. - You knock.
- I always knock.
Who's there ?!
Uh ... Is that Tara Walton?
Leave me alone !
Miss Walton !
My name is Clive Gollings !
I'm here with my friend
Mr Graeme Willy !
Now, what do you want?
We're here with the alien
that killed your dog 60 years ago.
Let's go, let's just go.
What is this, some
kind of a joke ?!
Hey Tara !
You ...
It's a very loud clock, isn't it?
You have a nerve
showing your face here.
All these years ...
Maybe I should make some tea.
I'll do it.
Huh, ok.
Uh, look, Tara I ...
I only just stopped
believing in you, you know?
I've spent a very
long time trying to ...
... convince folks about what
happened that night.
Everyone said I was mad !
They told me it was a meteor that
squashed little Paul.
They said that I was
concussed hallucinating ...
... but I knew you were real !
I pulled you from that
spaceship myself.
I kept you warm and
comfartable and sat there ...
... with you 'til the
men came to take you away.
Well, word got
out about my story.
Kids used to come and
throw stones at the house.
Call me names.
Then, I just hid myself away.
I spent whole nights up
staring at the sky hoping ...
... that I catch a glimpse of you.
And here you are.
Um, I'm sorry, you know
if I could've done it any other way ...
Oh, it's ok.
You're real.
That's all that matters.
I was sure of it.
And all those folks that ...
... said I was crazy, they
can all go and fuck themselves.
I brought something for you.
I thought you might want it back.
Uh, here you go.
Oh, thank you.
Who do you suppose that is?
Where did that come from ?!
Holy shit, it's them !!
I'll take the front !
What the fuck are you
doin' here ?!
Go, go !!
Haggard ... !
Alien !
Haggard, where's the
pervy man ?!
There's no one in this place !
Come on buddy, help me out !
Freeze motherfucker !
So weak ...
Give me the alien !
Give me the ...
Give me the fuckin' alien !
- No.
- Aah ! Fuck, watch it !
Give me the alien !
Get your own alien !
Tara, come this way !
Oh man balls !
It's my dad !
- Hey, am I heavy ?!
- I told you it's not fat, it's power !
Oh, great ...
I told you we should've
parked closer !
No sir, they're mine !
Consider that a warning !
Crazy bastard !!
Got you still spacefreak ...
Ruth ! Get back here !
Just go home !
Oh, I got you sucker ... coming ...
Ready or not ...
Oh, fuck ...
Papa ...
Ruth, wait !
Papa !
Papa !
It's ok, he's allright ...
He's ok ! He's ok !
Wait for me !
Graeme !!
Ruth, drive !
Come on Graeme !
Don't leave me !
Never ...
Graeme, you scared the
shit out of me ...
Ruth, why aren't you driving ?!
I told you, it's easy !
Got it, got it, got it !
Shit, shit, shit !
Oh, ok ...
Small corrections !
Small corrections !
Oh, my weed ! ....
Motherfuckin' titty suckin'
tooball bitch !
Zoil, progress report.
This is Haggard sir !
Agent Zoil is no longer in command !
I don't give a shit who's in command
Where the fuck are they ?!
Just ahead of me, heading
east towards Lytle Creek !
I don't wanna hear from anybody
till that cocksucker is dead ! Get me ?!
Yes sir. Mam ...
Goddammit ...
This is official Government business !
Stand down, or I'm authorised
to use deadly force !!
That thing has my daughter !!
This isn't your mission !!
I'm on a mission from GOD !!
Tell him you failed !
Shit, we got company !
He's trying to overtake us !
Don't let him get passed !
- Should I ram him ?!
- What about the deposit ?
Fuck the deposit !
Lytle Creek
National Park
LIMITED PARKING
Oh, fuck ! Come on !
Smile you son of a bitch !
Eyes forward butt butthorn.
Do you think he'll be ok?
Yeah, he'll be fine.
- Haggard ...
- Zoil.
Where are the other two?
One crashed and burnt, the
other just burnt.
Jesus Christ, it's been one
fuck up after another ...
... I should've handled
this myself.
I am very close, you
give me 1 hour.
An hour? I'll be
eating canapes ...
... with the Governor in an hour,
I need this wrapped up now.
No, they're mine dammit,
I'm gonna finish this once and for all !
Too late Zoil.
I'm bringing in the big g ...
Boring conversation anyway.
Well dear friend, you're
a face from a mighty steeve.
I can't believe she's gone.
Need better bagger tits ...
Oh, what do we do now Paul?
Paul ? ...
Paul, where are you goin' ?
See? What did I tell you fellas?
You know it when you saw it.
Of course.
Huh, right. Shoots
flaming balls.
Can you just light the
fuckin' thing?
They're not toys Paul.
What is the suggested safe distance?
Right, um ...
That's gonna be put us
behind the tree line ...
... we're not gonna enjoy
the full effect.
Yeah, that's true actually.
Ho, ho, ho !
There you have it, huh ?!
It's not funny, that's dangerous !
What now?
We wait ...
- It's amazin'
- Thank you.
Oh, no you don't.
Wait a minute.
Stay where you are you
little green bastard !
It's the Big Guy.
Well, what do ya know?
Small world ...
Paul !
Zoil ?!
Don't fucking move.
- Did ...
- Be cool, be cool.
I gotta say I'm a little
hurt Agent Zoil.
He introduced me to
my wife, he's my friend.
So stupid son of a bitch.
You could've been where I am ...
... in 15 years.
I don't wanna be where you are.
Too bad.
Let's go mork.
Don't call me mork.
- No.
- Guys you don't have to do this.
No, he's going nowhere.
Can it nerds.
What do you think you can
possibly bring to the table ...
... at this point in the game?
Blind Fury.
Oh ...
False economy, I told you.
Step aside.
Fag.
Oh, hu !
Insane !!
Leave him alone !
Get away from her you bitch !
Zoil ...
You ok man?
So much for the plan, huh?
I know, right?
Sorry I zapped you at
the farm house.
That's ok, I'm sorry I wasn't there to
meet you outside at the base ...
... by the time I got there
you were already gone.
But you got yourself a plan B, huh?
Did I ever?
These are my friends.
- Hello. - Pleasure to meet you boys
you did a hell of a job.
Thank you Agent Zoil.
Please call me Lorenzo.
- Lorenzo Zoil?
- Lorenzo's Oil?
That's right.
Ruth !!
Papa ?!
That was close ...
Oh my ...
No !!
Oh God, Graeme ...
Put the gun down Mr Buggs !
Drop the fucking gun, Dad !
I really am gonna miss ya.
This is all my fault.
We should never come
on holiday.
No, no, no. It's fine,
it's fine Clive.
We've had a good time,
haven't we?
Yeah?
But, you got shot.
Yeah I know, but I can
honestly say Clive ...
... this is the most fun
I've ever had.
Graeme?
Graeme?
Graeme ?!
I've gotta try, right?
Yeah?
No ...
Paul ...
Think about this.
Paul !!
Paul?
Oh, that sucked ...
And I don't even get to eat him.
Wasn't that really really
dangerous?
Sometimes ... you just
gotta roll the dice.
It's a miracle !
The Lord has delivered
his healing hand ...
Can't live with these people.
Sorry you got killed by my dad.
That's fine.
Do you wanna try to
kiss again?
Fuck yeah.
Well ain't this ...
I changed my mind.
THAT is Jenga.
Oh, it looks good.
- That's a nice one of you.
- Thank you.
Mr Buggs?
It's been a hell of a ride, huh?
Sorry I frightened the
shit out of you.
You didn't frighten me,
you freed me.
I'm glad.
Hmm, that's nice.
Thanks.
Hey, take care of
her big man.
Oh, I will sir.
And God be with you.
Yeah, whatever dude.
Say bye to Karen for me.
Safe trip short round.
Thanks.
Oh, you're coming with me.
What? ...
I ruined you life, Tara.
I think it's only
right, I give you one.
But, I don't have my toothbrush.
Baby, where we're goin' ...
... you don't need teeth.
That's right, ran on.
Get in there girl.
Yeah, she's comin' with
me, let her in ...
Gentlemen ...
I, um ...
I meant to ask ...
What did you think of the book?
I know, I liked it, actually,
really liked it, there's a lot of ...
... good ideas in it.
Uh, i kinda find it hard to finish.
To be honest.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
Keep it with the journey
home if you like.
Oh, yeah, I'll definetaly.
Awesome !
Well, safe to say we've all
learned something from ...
... this. Be yourselves, speak
from your hearts, some shit like that ...
Yeah, I certainly feel
a bit different.
And me ...
Thank you guys.
No, thank you.
Yeah, thanks Paul.
Hugs?
Clive, I can feel you boner.
Till next time.
It's cool, isn't it?
It's amazing !
Goodbye !!
Goodbye !!
This ship takes off very
slowly, It's a little awkward.
Goodbye !
Can't you do it any faster,
come on !!
That was good, wasn't it?
-- EN1S --
Don't close just yet ...
Two years later.
Sorry, who are you?
Someone who loves you.
I thought you were coming
as Wonderwoman today.
Right, will you please welcome the team ...
... behind this years Nebulon
Award winnning best seller.
By the way, these are friends of mine.
I'm very proud of you Graeme.
I'm very proud of you Saussage.
Come on.
Pat Stevens. Like
Pat Stevens from Chapter One?
The very same.
I always pictured you taller.
Well, you'll see me standing up.
Oh, I'd like that.
I didn't realise you were
still damn pretty.
You can see mr out of
these crazy clothes.
I'd like that.
I can't.
I understand apparently they
are siding me as the ...
As the Flow Fuck.
You know?
Please welcome to the stage,
Clive Gollings and Graeme Willy.
Graeme !! Clive !!
I know those guys !
PAUL
Clive Gollings
wWw.9movie.Co
Moorcroft, Wyoming 1947
Go on then, Paul.
Don't be long ...
Paul?
Paul?
Paul ...
San Diego, California
Today
Comic - Con
The Black Mailbox
Rachel, NEVADA
Area 51
No Tresspassing
I ... I love it here.
You know ...
It feels so ...
Right.
Yeah.
and somehow i feel I belong.
I know what you mean.
I know you mean.
I think this is probably the most fun
I've ever had. You know?
I'm so glad we came Clive.
Clive?
May I?
Be my guest.
I was over there, on my own.
That there is a black vampire.
Watch out !
She bites.
- How much?
- 1,349 dolars, 99 cents.
Are you gonna get it?
Fair enough.
I can't believe we're gonna meet
Adam Shadowchild.
I know ...
He's like the coolest man on the world.
Thank you.
Come forth.
Welcome my friends.
I just wanted to say that "Planet
Vortulagy" is a huge influence on me and ...
... and my work and Sebastian
Rico is a wonderful protagonist.
Don't tell me.
You're a writer.
I am, yeah.
He actually won a Nebulon
Award in 1992.
Working on a follow up.
I'd love to see that.
No, not today.
No, it's a legal thing,
I'm sure it's ...
I'm sure it's good, it's
a wonderful cover ...
Three tits.
Awesome ...
- That was ... Graeme.
- I'm the artist.
My illustrator.
Move along please guys.
- Yes.
- No, no, I ...
Thank you.
- You brought a book?
- No ...
Then fuck off ...
Let's get picture of you and
me and Adam.
- Ok, ready?
- Ready.
Encounter Briefs
- Yes, yes.
- Is that the RV place?
- Yes.
It's definitely two single beds because
there's been a bit of a mix up at the hotel.
Ok, excellent, thank you very much ...
... and have a nice day to you as well.
- Are they here?
- It's in the car park.
- You mean the "parking lot".
- I suure doe ...
Like two American boys.
It nice isn't it? We're actually here.
America, huh?
How long have we dreamt about this?
Since we were kids.
Yeah.
Now, look at us.
Grown men ...
- Pizza !
- Pizza !
- Hi ! How you are?
- Good evening sir.
Come on in.
Uh ... Where can i set these down?
Uhm, you can put it on the bed.
You guys on honeymoon?
No ...
- No, we're just ...
- We're just friends.
There's been a mix up at the ...
reservations been messed up.
Let's clear up the table.
Going on a road trip, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.
Well, you know what?
Better way to follow a comic con ...
... than a tour of America's most
famous UFO hot spots.
Huh?
You know ... we gonna ...
... take Area 51, and the
Black Mailbox in Nevada ...
... and down to Camp Verde,
then to Apache Junction and ...
... then down to Rosewell, New Mexico,
for the sight of the famous crash in '47.
- Ah, no ...
- Everybody knows that.
- Stop it !
It's an alleged sight at this point.
But why would they admit the crash
if the crach happened somewhere else?
- Just agree to ...
- Agree to disagree.
- Again.
- That's what we ...
Do you believe in Aliens?
What do you mean, "Aliens"?
- I'll get rid of that ...
- I'll get it ...
... out of your way.
It's the worst thing.
Thank you.
- Have a nice honeymoon.
- Uh, thank you.
Vasquez Rocks,
California.
Zone 51,
Nevada
Restaurant - Bar - Motel
"Earthlings Welcome"
Little AleInn
Smile.
"Watch the Skies" or
"Alien on Board" ?
"Alien on Board" please.
Ok ... If you're sure.
So ...
How was comic - con?
We met Adam Shadowchild.
Who the hell is Adam
Shadowchild?
Oh,we wrote the "Venusian
Pangenesis".
I didn't read that one.
"The Jenny Star Pepper
in the Great Brass Hand"?
Nah ...
"The Robots Mistress"?
Nah, I like romances.
That's kind of a romance.
What you mean?
A woman and a machine?
- Ah ... yeah.
- I hear that !
So, you fellas are set, or
can i get you something else?
I'd like a refill of coffee
please Pat.
All right then.
How 'bout you pumpkin?
Ah, can i have an "Eaty Malt" now please?
Mmh, you want that with the sparkler?
Yeah.
I'll take that as a yes.
I'll go and do my toilet.
"Maliens"
Very funny.
You sit on top of that bull, right?
And he goes ... co-co-coues ! (?)
What?
I don't know you.
Uh ... some comics.
How do you thinks
that makes me feel?
Be rude to me.
Uhh ... Eggy.
An alien just sitting on my palms.
Clive, um ...
What?
Hey, I'm joking !
They got a soap dispencer like
an head of an aliens head.
It's brilliant !
What?
Here it comes !
What?
Hey, fellas !
How you doin' today?
What is this, some kind
of gay bar?
Nah, it's a place where you
can get a bite to eat and ...
... maybe share a close encounter.
Yep, sounds like a gay bar.
Oh ! Oh, no we're just friends.
So, you guys look like you
could do like a couple of beers.
You go do that !
All right, we can do that !
Yeah, yes.
Leave it, leave it.
Thank you very much.
What you doin'?
Don't you put those queer eyes on me !
I forgot the sticker !
What took you so long?
I was putting the sticker up.
They're not pail, are they?
Yeah, definitely not kind my kind of people.
Yeah, well ...
Not very much we'll be seeing them again.
Oh !
That wasn't their truck, was it?
No ...
Should I go and have a look?
No ...
Extraterrestail Highway
Black Mailbox
Wow ...
It's probably the coolest thing
I've ever seen.
Do you remember when we
googled it on your mom's computer and ...
... and the phone rang and you
thought that it was the FBI ?
I didn't really thinks it was the FBI.
- You started crying.
- I just ...
You never been to Brussels.
Go stand next to it.
Yep.
Smile.
It's good.
Imagine if we got buzzed by a craft.
Amazing, isn't it?
Smile.
What would you do if they actually landed?
Well, the first contact is a big
responsibility, isn't it?
They come in peace,
we go to pieces?
- That's not how i roll.
- Nah ...
Do you think, that's those men?
No ...
I think we've seen enough ...
Let's go ...
Go, go, go ... !
- Come on, get it ...
- This is like "Deliverence".
A rapist who break arms?
I don't want my arms broken !
Come on, the toilet ...
- You've just been ...
-You know I've god child's bladder.
Do not let 'em get past !
What you want me to do?
Ram them?
What about the deposit ?!
It's not them !
It's not them,
It's not them ...
Ah, oh my God ...
It was awful ...
Hello?
Maybe you should call for help.
It's ringing.
I wouldn't do that if i were you.
Put ... the phone ... down.
Oh, fuck me ...
What have you done to him ?!
I didn't do anything, he fainted.
But ... you made him faint !
Yes, but it's not like i set
my phaser to faint ...
You've got a phaser?
No ... I don't ... look !
Listen ...
Hey ... I really need your help. Ok?
Can we get this guy back in your wagon?
What ... whe ...
You're an alien !
To you, I am, yes.
Are you gonna probe us?
Why does everyone
always assume that?
What am I doing?
Am I harvesting farts?
How much can I learn from an ass?
What ... I ... what ...
I'm sorry, what's your name?
Graeme Willy
And what's his name?
Uh, that's the writer
Clive Gollings.
Ok, cool.
I'm Paul.
Paul?
Yeah.
It's a nickname, it stuck.
My ship crashed and i ...
... dog ! It doesn't matter.
Look, can we get Clive Gollings back
on the RV and get the hell outa here, please?
- I can't be ...
- I'm in a hell of a pickle ...
And if you don't help me,
I could die on this road tonight.
I don't know, we're in a
quite tight schedule ...
Look man ...
Sometimes you just gotta
roll the dice.
What do you say?
Okay.
Okay. Perfect, great !
Okay, help me, help me grab him.
This man's peed his pants.
Yeah, he's got childs bladder.
Oh, fantastic ...
Doesn't this thing go any faster?
Well, I ...
- I'm sorry, the speed limit is 70 ...
- Screw the speed limit !
Actually, no. Uh, don't screw it.
That's good thinking. Okay?
Stay conspicuous.
That's good.
How come i can understand you?
You using some sort of neoron language router?
Actually, I'm speaking English,
you fucking idiot !
Sorry ...
You're in shock right now.
I understand this must be very weird for you.
Just act normal and drive north.
Okay?
Gotta get as much as we can
between us and the Big Guy.
Zoil?
What's happening?
He's gone.
Shit !
Looks like he hitched a ride too.
- What do you mean?
- Tire tracks.
Bastard jacked a native ?!
Could be too ...
Don't you think this is a bit
of a coincidence?
Are you suggesting anew?
The little fucker might've
found home.
There might be a rescue party on the way.
Zoil, we need to break out the big guns.
Do you think that's wise?
The last thing we need is...
... a hu-ha ?!
Maybe you're right.
Listen, I got 2 rookies on a
special mission 75 clicks north of you.
I'll have them set up a road block.
These are just civillians,
why don't you let me take care of it?
You might need the extra muscle.
Just keep 'em in the dark.
I don't want any loose ends.
Well, these roads can be
treacherous at night.
People get in accidents ...
... all the time.
I like your thinking.
Get it done.
Heads up !
We just got reassigned.
Nice !
What about the sandwich?
- She said we could share it.
- I love this job.
I love pistachios.
I hate when you get a closed one, right?
I usually just bite them.
No, you don't do it at all.
They should be opened on their own way.
- No, that's mussels.
- No, I meant the pistachios ...
What are you doing ?!
He's ok, he's fine, he's friendly !!
His name's Paul !
Aliens aren't called Paul ...
Was that Klingon?
You psychotic nerd !
Listen, Paul is from a small M-Class planet
nothern spiral arm of the Andromeda Galaxy.
Thank you.
He looks too obvious !
There's a reason for that Clive !
Over the last 60 years, the human
race has been drip fed of images ...
... of my face, on lunch boxes,
and t-shirts and shit.
In case our species do meet,
you don't have a fuckin' spaz attack !!...
Don't do it again !
You fuckin' dorf, get
your fingers outta there !
If i get a jorf infection, you're dead !
Oh, my god !
Oh, shit ...
Paul ...
Paul?
Ok, ok, this could be it.
So, what are we looking for again?
I don't know.
What brings you to USA?
Uh, we're on holiday.
We've been to comic-con.
Comic-con?
Don't tell O'Rilley.
He loves that shit.
You guys know Benny Hill?
No ...
Oh my god, look at this !
- What ?!
- Look at this !
These guys met Adam Shadowchild.
Who the hell's
Adam Shadowchild?
He wrote the "Jupiter Praxis".
What?
"Jenny Starpepper
and the Huge White Gibbon"?
Huh?
"Night of the Moths"?
Are you speaking English?
He's ... brilliant ...
What was he like?
He was a bit intense.
Oh, he's an artist.
Let me see this.
What is this, nerd porn?
- Oh no, that's Clives ...
- It's my novel.
Okay ...
Uh ! Three tits !
That's awesome ...
You guys should've
given her 4 tits.
That's just sick !
I was just sayin'
Do you think this is it?
Not that full ...
What else did you find in there?
No, not much ...
Just some pissy jeans.
- Oh, Clive's got a child bladd....
- Shut up ...
Okay, you guys can go.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Can I have my novel?
Thank you very much.
May I ask what you're searching for?
No ...
Come on, Graeme.
- Way to go, Dirty Harry.
- You got that?
I ... did I catch you?
Oh my God, like a cold mechanic.
I think it's pretty obvious
what happened there isn't it?
Is it?
The government used some kind of
neoro toxic paint on the Black Mailbox.
Caused a shared hallucination
about aliens, it makes complete sense.
Oh !...
You're dick is gone ...
Oh, no ...
What?
Come on, grow up ...
You guys seen my shorts?
How did you do that?
How did you go invisible?
Oh, it's camouflage response.
Well, like "Predator"?
Exactly, altough i can only do it
while holding my breath.
You can do it anytime you want?
"Anytime".
That's just like it ...
Am I the only sane person here ?!
Eh ?!
It's allright for you, isn't it ?!
You'll go back to area 51 ...
... we'll be arrested for
harboring a fugutive !
And sent to Guantanamo Bay !
Why don't I go make
some bagels and coffee?
Leave you two alone.
What's the matter Clive?
There's an alien in the kitchen
making bagels and coffee.
- Did you want tea?
- No, I don't want tea !
Right, because tea is
weird in America, right?
They leave the baguette ...
What's weird Graeme is that we
picked up an extra terrestrial ...
... hitch hiker and you seem
completely fine with it !
Bagels and coffee ...
Uh ! Marmite ...
He said his life's in danger.
He needs our help, you know?
Sometimes you just gotta
roll the dice.
What if we wake up and
find him inserting a probe ...
... into our anus?
Apparently they don't do that.
Anyone, want one of these?
Eh, anyone?
Anyone?
Eh?
Coming, ready or not,
you son of a bitch ...
Where's the other one?
I don't know sir.
Uh ...
Haggard !
Sorry, we were just ...
Haggard !
Fuck ...
Nice ... uh ...
Get over here ... it's
the guy with the badge.
We were just playing hide and seek ...
... so we have a lot of time.
Hurry up.
I was hiding.
You have any traffic through here?
No, just a couple of hillbilly types.
Two nerdes in an RV.
Nerds, huh?
Yes, they've come from comic-con !
They've met Adam Shadowchild !
Who the hell is
Adam Shadowchild?
He ... he wrote Prison Hawk 441.
Ok? Jenny Starpepper and
the Spinning Worm.
Right? Fluxing your anus.
You know you're grown man, right?
Probably shave, pay taxes?
Have pubic hair?
All of those things.
- Did you search that vehicle?
- Yes , sir.
What'd you find?
Uh, nothin' much, just ...
A book with a green woman with three...
- ... titties.
- Dude, it's three titties.
Three tits, that's awesome.
Oh, and some pissy jeans.
Close that.
Preexisting problem ...
Listen to me you freakin' fuck,
i want to know everyting you ...
... can remember about the
pissy nerds, ok?
We're leaving.
What about the road block, sir?
It didn't work.
Hey ! Rieces pieces !
Yes, thank you.
Heard there was a commotion
on the road after Rachel.
Funny, I didn't hear that.
It must've been the boys out to paste.
Hey.
That's a bit much, isn't it?
- What?
- Put it all back !
What about Paul's "Rieces Pieces"?
Just hurry up !...
No, you go ahead.
Thank you.
- Is that beast outside yours?
- What?
What do you mean "beast"?
Your RV?
Oh, the, yes ...
The RV is ....
Where are you boys from?
England.
England.
I heard about England.
No guns.
- No, not many.
- No ...
Not really, just you know ...
Farmers ...
How are police supposed to shoot anybody?
- They don't ...
- They try not to.
Um, 20. Keep the change.
And give it to charity or something.
You're amazing, Graeme !
That cop didn't suspect a thing !
And Clive ...
You didn't pee you pants.
I don't like to be stick in the mud but ...
You're asking a lot from us, right?
We just met, we don't know
where we're going, or why ...
You don't think we deserve an explanation?
Look ... the less you guys know the better.
I want you to have plausible deniability.
Let's just say, I spent a lot of time
in that base thinking i was a guest ...
Turns out ... I was a prisoner.
But don't worry.
I got it all under ... Ah !!
Fuck, that made me jump.
Poor little thing.
I don't know, you could've done mate.
Ew ... What are you doin'?
Just watch ...
It's a miracle !
Man, I'm gonna miss these ...
What would you do that?
I'm not gonna eat a dead bird, am I?
You got me thinking that I'm
wasting my time ...
Don't bring me down ... Oh guys !
Eleven o'clock,
Twelve o'clock ...
Come on, it's fun !
If you think about it,
it's time travel ...
Eleven o'clock,
twelve o'clock ...
Yes, all right !
Let me see, let me see.
No, just sit still ...
You gonna try me like
one of your French girls, Jack?
I'm joking.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
just don't make me look fat, ok?
- First gravity sats ass ...
- Paul !
Can I ask you a question?
Shoot !
Have you ever done that to a person?
Yes, I've eaten many people.
I'm joking big guy ! Relax ...
No, I mean you know, fix them.
Oh, no ! Not a dead person.
Recently dead bird, that's one thing ...
... dead person, whole other ball game.
It's actually really dangerous for me,
The damage can actually bounce back on to me ...
I'm sorry, am I boring you?
Have you heard this one before?
Are you tried saussage?
Don't call me that in front of him !
Are you tired though?
Eggie, I'm bushed !
You know what? We're all tired.
Let's just pull over and stop for the night.
We're fugutives Paul, all right?
I refuse to just ...
... sit around and wait around to
get fingered by the Men in Black.
Look, we just gotta find somewhere quiet,
and don't draw attention to ourselves.
But, where are we going, Paul?
Oh, you'll know it when you see it.
- Two white guys?
- Two, strange ...
Strange white guys, got it.
- Order anythig weird?
- Chocolate.
Chocolate, awkward.
Zoil, report.
We've tracked him into a gas
station in Eli, he maybe travelling ...
... in an RV with two men
from England.
New England?
Old England.
Creepy. What are they, MI6?
Negative, just couple of nerds
in the lam from comic-con.
Something doesn't feel right.
I think he's getting help
from the inside.
I want those nerds iced and
that little green prick get back ...
... in his fishbowl or dead, ASAP.
I'm closing in, I can feel it.
In 24 hours he'll wish he
never set foot on planet earth.
Okay.
Here we are, this is the place.
bTHE PEARLY GATES/b
Yeah, this looks good.
Doesn't look like anyone's been murdered here.
Awfully quiet.
Quiet is good, Graeme.
Quiet is our friend.
Hi there !
There's a girl outside ...
Okay.
We're just a couple of regular guys
on a tour of the American Midwest.
I don't think she heard you.
I'm talking to you,
I'm talking to you.
Oh, sorry.
Hi.
I'm Ruth Buggs.
Good evening Ruth,
I am the writer Clive Gollings.
This is my friends cohort
Mr Graeme Willy.
Um ...
Do you got room?
Sure, yeah, park in Bay 9.
It's 25 $ a night, including hook-ups ...
... and I need an ID to hold on to.
Okay.
There you go, It's
my passport.
The UK ...
I love the UK.
- Have you been ...
- No.
You should go.
Oh ...
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, you should go to London.
There's a lot of places I wanna go.
RUTH !!
Ruth, get in here !!
Well, I'll be by to get your money
so, have a pleasent evening.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
And you, bye.
She was lovely.
You just marry her then.
- Boo !!
- Hey !
What took you so long?
I was just talking Papa.
You talk too much.
Sorry Papa.
Hello.
Want a cigarette?
No thanks, I don't smoke.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, sure.
You and Graeme, you guys uh ...
What?
You know ...
You know ...
You guys, two guys ...
Aren't you getting me?
What you ...
- I don't know what you mean.
- Gay ! - No !!
Why do people keep saying that?
Nah, I'm just wondering ...
Totally cool, if you are.
Everyone's fine on my planet.
It's all about the pleasure thing.
You know I'm sayin'?
Why you here Paul?
Oh, I was on a science mission actually.
And then I had some
spaceship related ... problems.
And I kinda ... crashed ...
Lucky for me though. This little
girl, she pulls me out of the wreck ...
... next thing i know, guys arrive
carv me up to the base.
What have you been doing here
all this time?
You know ...
Getting back man, I've been shootin' the shit ...
- ... I've been advising the Government.
- Not just the Government ...
- You I wanna have some kind of a
special power, you know? - Yeah.
- Something messianic.
- Okay, Steven.
- Uh, how about cellular revelification?
- Yeah, I don't know what that is.
Oh, restoration of damaged tissiue
through telephatic manipulation ...
- ... of a transit field memory.
- What's that mean?
- It means, "healing" Mr Spielberg.
- Yeah, right. - It's ok.
Like by touch or something like that like ...
... maybe its finger lights up when
he reaches out and touches.
Maybe, you know, somethimes
I find less is more.
Hey ... Trust me.
You'd be surprised how much he's
influenced popular culture over the last 60 years.
Agent Moulder was right.
- Agent Moulder was my idea !
- Really ?!
- Wow ...
- Yeah !
That's cool.
Honk that shit Earth-Man.
I like this song.
Harvard's my boy.
Come on.
Break it down a bit boys.
Don't be afraid.
Yeah, look at me, I'm breaking it down.
Use them tongs !
Get those tongs !
Stope the fire ...
Yes.
Ruth !! Prayers !
I don't know the rest of this song.
No one does.
Uhh, who's knocking?
Stop this.
- What are you doin'?
- Oh, shut up ...
I'll hide in here.
- Don't come out.
- Why would I come out?
- Who is it?
- It's Ruth.
Don't you dare opening
that door ...
- Hi there.
- Hi.
Good morning.
May I come in?
- No.
- Yeah, Come on in.
- No, no, no.
- Make yourself at home.
Not really dressed.
So, where's the other one?
The other one?
It's just ...
Oh, oh, it's ok.
We don't charge by the person.
There were three shadows i saw
dancing around the RV last night, right?
- The other one ...
- Oh ...
I'm in the can.
I ate a ...
... a closed pistachio.
I'm paying for it.
It's a nice t-shirt.
Oh thanks, I got it at my church.
"EVOLVE THIS"
- It's Jesus shooting Charles Darwin.
Why would Jesus wanna
shoot Charles Darwin?
Because of his blasphemous theories?
Are you men of God?
We're men of science ...
You know, we believe in the ...
... establishment of a biological order
through the maelstrom of physical ...
... and chemical chaos.
The world is 4000 years old and can only
be the product of an intelligent design.
That's whoreshit !!
Um ... alright ...
Well then, please explain how something as complex
as the human eye simply just comes into being?
Just come into being ?!
It's the combination of ...
... billions of years of development
and cost countless species !
What are you talking about ?!
Evolution baby !!
Blasphemy !
- Blasphemy ?! - Nothing that you can
say can shake my beliefs. Perfect.
And the short and certain knowledge that
God made Heaven and Earth and ...
... created us all in his own image.
- His own image ?!
- Yeah ...
Well, I got a question ...
How do you explain me ?!
She's goin'. She's fallin'
Catch ...
And that's Jenga.
Why did you do that ?!
I ... just ... she fainted !
We've gone through this !
But we have to take her with us now !
- No ! No !
- What ...
This is America. Kidnapping a Christian,
that's worse than harboring a fugutive.
Yeah, but she's seen you !
If we leave, she's gonna call the police !
No one's gonna believe this
God bothering cyclop ...
... let's just dump her on the road !
- Just roll her up on the road ...
- No, we can't risk that !
If we take us, then we
can get her on our side.
Yeah, you'd love her to
get her on our side, wouldn't you?
That doesn't make sense.
Look, she'll be fine.
We're quite nice !
All right. What about my passport?
Oh, God ... Guys.
"JESUS has the right of way"
Uh, no !!...
Hollings
Clive
British Subject
Oh, yes ...
Ruth, what in the Lord's name ...
Morning ...
Morn ...
Go, go, go, go, go !! ...
Oh fuck !
Shook yourself daemon !
Where are you ?!
Where are you ?!
Passport, passport !!
Jump, jump !!
What? That's actually small
on my planet.
bFUCK YOU/b
Um, Ruth?
Hello, Ruth.
Would you like a cup of tea?
Where am I?
Hey, look who's awake?
Daemon ! Daemon !
No, no, we're sorry,
we're not gonna hurt you, i promise.
And we'll let you go as
soon as we can.
You've been decieved by an agent
of Satan himself.
He's evil !
I'm sitting right here, come on !
No, no, he's not evil.
He's just a bit rude.
We're trying to help him get home.
He's from another world.
There's only one world.
Our world !
The world that God, the
father created !
Hey, if it makes feel any better,
my existence only disproves ...
... the traditional notions of
Abraham and todays notion of Chrisian God.
As well as all thrology,
that's all i meant.
Amazing Grace ...
... How sweet the sound ...
What is with you people ?!
Ruth, just listen to me for
one second, if you could just calm down ...
I can't ... drive like this.
Fuck this !
What did you do to her ?!
I just transfered my collective knowledge and
experience through her tactile psyscho connective bridge.
Oh, wow, could you do me?
It really takes the head of me.
Oh, come on, please.
Oh, wow ...
Oh, yeah ...
He always knew what was
going on at Battlestar before me ...
... 'cause his mom had cable.
Fine, pull over, I'll do you.
Absolutely not, no spoilers !
I didn't call the Government !
I called the police !
This is not the police's area
of expertise Mr Buggs.
That devil took my doughter.
What do you mean "devil"?
And your doughters name
is Ruth, is it?
That's right.
I brought her up by myself
after her momma died.
Yeah, she's pretty easy to spot.
She's got this eye thing since she was 4 years old.
Do you have a phone here
that your doughter might try to ...
... reach you at if she
decides to call?
Yeah, in the back.
Hey, Peter Parker.
Wanna put the snappy down and
get to the phone?
Right ...
She'll call me if she can.
You mentioned it when ...
Fuck you ...
Here we go.
Boys, to the car.
Sir ...
Might tell us what we're looking for?
Yeah, what are we looking for?
I told you this is a
need to know operation.
Yes ... sir.
But ...
Sh ... Dammit ...
Sir, i think it's time you tell us.
Hey, just do what the fuck i tell you, Haggard.
Now, let's go find that crazy old bastards
little girl before it's too late.
Ruth !
Ruth, wait !
Leave me alone !
Please, please stop, i got shin splints !
He ... he can not be from space.
It's not possible !
Okay? He's from somewhere else !
Look, Ruth, you saw it
for yourself, okay?
He showed you.
There's probably billions of intelligent
civilizations out there.
So, where is everybody?
I ... but ... one of them's there !
Are they lookin' ?
Are they lookin' ?
Are they lookin' right now ?!
Sorry !
That's pathetic ...
What's your beef Clive?
I don't have beef.
I'm from outer space ...
... you're a science fiction writer.
We should be best buds.
It's not you.
It's me.
Is that what this is?
You're jealaous of ... her ?!
It's not just that.
Whoa ...
Of me ?!
Oh my ... This is because me and
Graeame got like 2 minutes when you were asleep?
- Is that what this is?
- I wanted it to be special, you know?
I've dreamt about meeting you.
Ever since I saw Mac and Me.
And I blew it.
Now you two are friendly and ...
... he's off talking to girls and he's ...
Where am I ?!
Come on man !
This ... is special.
You guys being all nerdy and shit.
And meeting me, that is fate.
Who cares if you pissed your pants man?
When I first got here, first time
I saw you, I puked.
You guys are weird lookin',
you've giant bodies, tiny ...
... tiny heads.
You're just being nice now.
Look, do you want it sugar?
It's just knowledge and experience man.
You're a writer. Might give you some inspiration.
Will it hurt?
Only if you struggle.
Allright.
So there's no heaven, no hell.
No right, no wrong, no sin.
What ...
- I can drink.
- If you like.
- I can fornicate.
- Maybe.
- I can curse.
- Well, yeah. - Penises !
- Ruth ... - Assing hairy
boobs poop, farting, butt holes !
Ruth, I'm not sure this is helping !
Wha ... what are you doing ?!
Ha ... stop it !
Why ?! Why should i stop ?!
This is ...
Because ...
You have your whole life
to explore new things.
Okay?
Doesn't necessarily mean ..
You should be exploring mine right now ...
You ...
You said you wanted to travel, allright?
To see like new stuff.
This is your chance !
I ... I really think you
should come with us.
Where would i sleep?
I'll sleep on the sofa.
And then you can have my bed.
You know? But I'd push the
tissues off with a pen if i were you ...
... because I've had a cold.
Oh ...
Ruth has decided that she would
like to come with us.
Wicked ...
I'm gonna go refreshen up.
Hey. Ruth !
Wait up
You don't smoke.
I just wanted to say thanks.
I know this is been weird for you, but ...
... you saved my life and i owe you one.
Okay?
Okay.
What do you got there?
By the way ...
Severe epiral membrane complicated by mecular
deamon in your left ventricilous cavity?
How did you know that?
Lucky guess.
Do you mind if i take a
look at it for one second?
What does it say in the Old
Testament? An eyer for an eye?
Wait ... i don't ...
It's okay. You can trust me.
I don't know.
Just have a little faith, ok?
How did you do that?
Evolution baby.
- Um, Graeme ...
- Yeah?
- Oh my God ... Clive ...
- Oh my God ...
Come on, make your move.
Oh shit, dammit ...
You were the best thing
I ever invaded - George BUSH
Hey, check it out, check it out !
Uh? See, it's easy.
Small corrections Paul,
make small corrections.
Get to the right !!
Hey there sleepy face ...
Fuckaroo, that was the best
titty farting sleep I've ever had.
Uh ... I gotta feeling that you're
new to cursing Ruth ...
Look, cursing's fun,
you just gotta pick your moments, ok?
Hey, maybe we should stop for some food,
is anybody hungry?
Fuck yeah !
- Ruth ?
- You bet your big fat cock I am !
Nice !
I'm starvin' ...
What's new "fat hair" ?
It's not fat Paul, it's power.
- Fat power. - It's rude.
- You're rude.
Maybe you should call my dad.
What ?!
What? Why?
I've been gona for a whole day,
and if he calls the police ...
... they're gonna be looking for us.
If I don't there's a good chance
that we all end up in Shit Butt City.
You're really getting the hang of this.
Thanks dick-milk.
The music is from
"Star Wars: Episode IV"
It won't be long.
Ok ... be ... be careful.
Ruth Buggs?
Yes?
Listen to me carefully.
I want you to tell me where you are.
Who is this?
My name is Agent Zoil and it's very
important you tell me where you are ...
... and where you are headed Miss Buggs.
I ... I ... can't tell you.
I mean, I ... don't ... know.
You've been abducted. The individual
that you're travelling with is highly dangerous.
Oh no, he's not dangerous.
I mean, he's kind of rude ...
He curses a lot ...
And a couple of times I've seen
him scratch his ...
... space man ... balls.
Please listen to me. Your father is
extremely worried about you ...
... and we'd like to get
you home Miss Buggs.
He showed me things.
She's talking about his
spaceman balls.
You know I'm just trying to
help you, right Ruth?
I just ... I don't know what's
real anymore, I'm confused ...
- We got the bitch !!
- Yeah dog, up high !
Dammit Haggard, Miss ...
- Hey, hey, hey !
- Wow, wow, wow !
Around there baby?
- I have to get to my friends.
- What's the rush?
I gotta friend down here
who'd love to meet you.
Okay?
Oh, what the fuck ?!
Hey, hey !!
Hey, how's your dad?
- We gotta go, we gotta go.
- How 'bout the pizzas?
We gotta go now !!
Holy shit !
It's the space faggots
getting the fuck mobile !
Yeah, we were just leaving.
I don't feel well.
- Oh shit, sailors !
- Let's go !!
Excuse me miss ...
Papa ?!
Ruth ... My Lord ... Your eye !
- Come on, let's go !
- What about my dad ?!
- Where're you goin' girls ?!
- Leave us alone you stupid vaginas !!
That's no way for a pretty little
thing like you to talk !
She's very new to be honest !
Leave this to me, I'll talk to 'em.
Yo fuck nuts !!
It's probin' time ...
Hah ! Only one of us fainted !
Oh, shit ! The 5-0, let's bounce !
I'm sorry. They answered the phone.
They knew about us.
Get in the RV ...
Come on, they're gonna wake up !
Sorry !
- Ok, we need to get off the road.
- Shouldn't we keep moving?
No, that is exactly what they'll
expect us to do, trust me !
Only an idiot would stop right now !
- Yeah, pull in here, pull in here.
That's perfect. - What ?!
- Paul ...
- We're idiots, remember?
What should we do now?
Well, how about hot chocolate and bed?
What are you, my grandma?
Oh, I couldn't sleep.
I'm too pumped.
Yeah, me too. Let's get some beers.
Find somewhere to chill.
What do you say?
What if someone sees you?
It's dead out there.
And I can do this ...
- Ok, I'm in.
- Roggie?
- Sure.
- Bowinkle?
- Well, I'm a little bit tired.
- Don't be a pussy ...
Don't call me a p ...
Allright.
- Allright, come on.
- Ruth ...
Get your hands off me.
Gus ?!
Something i can help you, with?
Yeah, you mind telling me
what happened here?
Uh ... just a good ol' fashioned
beer soke slobber knocker.
See anything unusual?
Couple hillbilly types in the back
of that meat wagon won't stop crying.
Did you gentlemen see anything
unusual this evening?
Are we sure?
Thank you.
bFUCK YOU/b
- It's a nice window.
- This is the little cowboy, isn't it?
I'll tell you, tell you, that's just funny.
It was when you
kiss me yesterday.
- Sorry.
- No.
I was like, "Girl for you rapists !"
Do it again if you like.
What?
Said, you can do it
again if you like.
Really?
If you're gonna try it, then maybe
you should do it with a friend, you know ...
... rather than some stranger, because,
there's a lot weirdos out there.
Oh, I am planning on doing a lot of kissing ...
... and fornicating so ...
... you'd really be helping me out.
Great.
Wh ... what ... do you mean now?
- I tought, ...
- Yeah, I did but ...
We could, let's do it now.
- I mean,
- Yeah.
Um, my hands on you ...
Staying here ...
Hold steady ...
Fuck ! I'm sorry.
I tought I was gonna pass out ...
Carry on ...
- How's that mate?
- Nothin' nothin', just hangin' around.
They were about to make out.
It was awkward ! ...
We were just ...
Good ...
Please put your shorts on Paul.
You guys partake?
No, thank you.
I'll partake.
Are you sure?
It's pretty strong shit.
I got it from the military actually.
This is the stuff that killed Dylan.
Bob Dylan is not dead.
Isn't he?
Hit me.
Ok, just ... you know ... go easy on it.
Ruth ...
A little bit, a little bit.
It's not so bad.
To be fair, it takes a while
to be absorbed in.
Oh, shit ...
I'm hungry. We should
cook up some saussages.
Do we have any saussages?
What do you mean by that?
Why do you guys hate me?
Can we go cook up
some saussages?
Oh, I have waspes in my brain !
She'll be fine ...
That happened to me the first time.
Paul ...
I was gonna ask ...
you know us right?
Yeah, Graeme we're
like modified BFF.
Why are you in such
a hurry to leave now?
Well, according to the Government,
I fulfilled my usefulness.
I told them eveything I know,
the only thing I've left off for them now ...
... are my abilities.
The healing, the thought transfer,
the camouflage.
In order to cultivate those abilities,
they need some of my stem cells.
And I'm not really down with that.
Lucky for me, I do have
one friend left on the inside.
So, a man should get
SOS a beamed into space ...
... I got my people primed
and ready to pick me up.
Then, motherfuckers brought the
procedure forward by a day ...
... and my whole plan goes to shit !
What happened?
The way at the labs?
I zapped my ass, I stole his car
I took off.
Found you guys.
So what happends if you get cought?
Graeme ...
They're gonna cut out my brain.
Oh ...
Yeah, it's fucked.
It's kind of a buzzkill.
Let's lighten the mood shall we ...
... Clive, when did you last get laid?
Oh, hmm ...
- Connect many at London(?) '08
- '08 ...
Ewok chick ...
Clive likes boning space bears !...
Shut up !
Clive, seroiusly, be honest with me.
What was it like?
Well ...
She was furry nice ...
Oh ! This is gonna say !
Uh, that's gross !
Hey Clive ...
- Oh, Boomer it's forbidden.
- Hey Clive ...
Clive !
Let's go guys !
We gotta get outa here.
Where's Ruth?
She went back to the RV.
'course ...
He can read minds !
Come on ...
bGONE BACK
Uh, guys, I think we have
a slight problem over here.
Uh ... man.
I can't hold my breath the whole
way through town.
Wait here ...
Wait, Oi, Wait ...
Morning. Agent Zoil, Secret
Service. Do you mind if I come ...
... in there and ask you
a few questions?
Not at all ...
Morning.
Why are we holding hands?
- So we look like a family.
- Yeah, the fuckin' Freedmants.
- You could be a midget.
- You're obsessed with midgets ...
- No, I'm not.
- Stop it, just act normal.
Ok, we're just a couple of ragular guys
walking down the street with a small cowboy.
Allright Clive?
Clive?...
- Clive ...
- Oh, come on !
Katana
Clive, what're you doing?
Yeah man, what the fuck ?!
I want it ...
Well I can appreciate the bargain
and everything but this is ...
... not Comic-Con, Clive,
this is reality.
False economy anyway, you'll
break the fist time you use it, let's go.
Why would I ever use it?
Can we just go please?
Wait ... maybe we should go inside.
- What ?!
- We'll hide out.
You go back and get Ruth.
Get the RV, pick us up in 10 minutes.
You sure?
Trust me ...
Morning. My name is Agent Zoil,
Secret Service, mind if I come in ...
- ... and ask you a few questions?
- Um ...
No, do you mind if we just
do it right here?
Okay.
This placeis a real ...
... cock suckin' mess.
Got it.
I'm telling you.
We're looking for a goddamn alien.
I thought all that Project
Bluebook stuff was whoreshit.
Nah, it all makes sense.
I mean, all this hush hush crap ...
... the drawing that I found ...
And what do you think that
girl was talking about last night?
Holy shit ! Spaceman balls ...
Yeah, and who has
spaceman balls?
Buzz Aldrin?
Be serious.
"Encounter Brief"
- Hello, handsome.
Is that you?
Oh, huh?
Is that you on the cover?
I ... no ...
What's your name?
Keith Nash.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Paul.
- Right.
- So ... uh ...
You're not freaked out by me?
Mmh, yes and no.
You mind taking a look
in these photographs,
... tell me if you recognise
anyone of these gentlemen ...
... or the one-eyed girl?
Mam?
No ...
Anything, anything at all?
- I mean, look this is an alien?
- Yeah ...
- This is huge.
- I know.
- This is huge ...
- I know ...
Is that a comic book shop?
Can we go in there?
Maybe.
If you're good.
Thanks so much for your
time Misses ...
Darwin.
Char ... lotte Darwin.
Charlotte Darwin,
you have a great day.
You should get this one.
- Thanks ...
- Yeah, it's good.
Nice ! ...
I like your style Keith Nash.
I gotta go.
- Catch you later.
- Bye Paul.
Don't get cought.
Happy trails !
Huh ! Pretty good.
Pretty good ...
Um, how much is that?
The sword, 299.99.
Plus tax.
Ok, I'll have it now.
Come on man, let's go !
Be right out !
Chute, it's like a cufflink thing.
Spaceman balls?
Get your goddamn hands off
my motherfucking junk !
It's in there !
It's in there !
Hello ...
O'Reilly ! You dumm shit
that's just an asshole in a mas ...
Holy Mary Mother of God ...
I gotta quit smoking ...
- Shit !
- Come up behind me !
Hurry up, butt-crocks !
Hey look, it's that nerd.
Whoa whoo !
Yeah !
- Who's that kid?
- Keith Nash ! Punch it !
Wait, who's that kid ?!
Come on buddy, let's go !
Woah, woah, what's goin' on?
Did you guys get me some information?
- We saw it, we saw the alien.
- It was in the comic book shop ...
... hidious, I think I shit my pants !
I don't know what you guys
are talking about.
You know what ?!
You know exactly what we're
talking about ! ...
I'm sick and tired of you the d ....
Where ... the ... fuck ... did ... he ... go?
I got two doors for you.
I got mine.
With, with those nerds.
So ... you wanna follow us ... big guy?
- You kids are gonna back to the base,
- Uh huh ...?
You guys gonna stick behind.
Do a little adult work, now ...
... tell me which way the
little green guy went.
North, north east highway !
North east highway.
Stragiht home now.
Sorry guys, it's my dad !
This guy doesn't quit !
Kinda have to respect it.
- Oh God, Graeme, drive faster !
- Oh wait ! - Calm down.
Asshordes are gonna catch us !
- Hey calm down, pull over !
- What do you mean "pull over" ?!
Pull over !!
Allright ... that's it ...
this is too dangerous ...
... I'm ... I can make it on my
own from here.
- What do you mean ...
- No !
Graeme, you've done enough.
I'll boost a car or something,
I can drive an automatic !
You're a terrible driver !
He's right Paul, you can't
even drive a spaceship.
I'm close now.
I'll be fine !
Oh, but we've come all this way !
Yeah, and at what cost, huh ?!
I've shaken your faith,
I've almost got you guys killed !
I just want to get home ...
You are going home, I think we've
come too far to let you do this alone !
Yeah ! What happened to BFF's ?!
We're in this together Paul !
You bet your hairy love eggs we are !
The last 72 hours have been
the ride of my life and ...
... I'm fucked if I'm getting
off this bus now !
- Yeah, me too.
- And me.
Well that settles it.
We're all fucked.
Thank you guys, so much ...
... if if if you're absolutely sure,
there's a little somethin' you can do for me.
Fireworks
World Outlet
The Five Tones
Seems rather fitting.
Hmm.
That wasn't good
at there was it?
Cool.
Hello.
That'll ve 299.99
plus tax.
Hmm, same as the swords.
Look, they're running.
- Holy shit ! Get the door !
- Oh, shit ! Can you drive this thing ?!
I've been driving these
things my whole life.
Come on, get in, get in !
Praiseful !
Zoil, picked up a 911
outside of prospect.
Fireworks store just got ripped off
by two British nerds in an RV.
Son of a bitch !
According to the local, they're
on the 14th. 40 miles west of you.
Drive like a man,
you'll catch up them in 30.
Cops are standing down,
you better spin your ass around.
Roger that !
Don't make me come out there.
I'm guest of honor at the
Governor's Ball tonight ...
... I'm dressed up real nice.
Where the hell does this
You tell me ...
I don't know, you got Thermopolis,
you got Lytle Creek ...
Holy shit ! Moorcroft's
on the 14th.
You don' think uh ...
Son of a bitch is going back.
He's gonna find that contact.
We got him, Zoil. Bring me back
my space monkey, and I'll ...
... guarantee you Level 5
clearance and all the perks.
Great, betther parking space.
I don't know man. I don't
know, he looks awful mad.
Fuck him. He's a dinosaur.
It's time for some new blood.
Welcome to
MOORCROF
Ok, we're nearly there.
This is where we've been headed?
No, I ... I just need a
little stop first, ok?
Do you think we really got
time to be making little stops Paul?
This is something
I really have to do.
Ok, stop here,
that's good.
That's close enough.
Shouldn't we park a bit closer?
No ...
We don't wanna scare her.
Scare who?
- You knock. - You knock.
- I always knock.
Who's there ?!
Uh ... Is that Tara Walton?
Leave me alone !
Miss Walton !
My name is Clive Gollings !
I'm here with my friend
Mr Graeme Willy !
Now, what do you want?
We're here with the alien
that killed your dog 60 years ago.
Let's go, let's just go.
What is this, some
kind of a joke ?!
Hey Tara !
You ...
It's a very loud clock, isn't it?
You have a nerve
showing your face here.
All these years ...
Maybe I should make some tea.
I'll do it.
Huh, ok.
Uh, look, Tara I ...
I only just stopped
believing in you, you know?
I've spent a very
long time trying to ...
... convince folks about what
happened that night.
Everyone said I was mad !
They told me it was a meteor that
squashed little Paul.
They said that I was
concussed hallucinating ...
... but I knew you were real !
I pulled you from that
spaceship myself.
I kept you warm and
comfartable and sat there ...
... with you 'til the
men came to take you away.
Well, word got
out about my story.
Kids used to come and
throw stones at the house.
Call me names.
Then, I just hid myself away.
I spent whole nights up
staring at the sky hoping ...
... that I catch a glimpse of you.
And here you are.
Um, I'm sorry, you know
if I could've done it any other way ...
Oh, it's ok.
You're real.
That's all that matters.
I was sure of it.
And all those folks that ...
... said I was crazy, they
can all go and fuck themselves.
I brought something for you.
I thought you might want it back.
Uh, here you go.
Oh, thank you.
Who do you suppose that is?
Where did that come from ?!
Holy shit, it's them !!
I'll take the front !
What the fuck are you
doin' here ?!
Go, go !!
Haggard ... !
Alien !
Haggard, where's the
pervy man ?!
There's no one in this place !
Come on buddy, help me out !
Freeze motherfucker !
So weak ...
Give me the alien !
Give me the ...
Give me the fuckin' alien !
- No.
- Aah ! Fuck, watch it !
Give me the alien !
Get your own alien !
Tara, come this way !
Oh man balls !
It's my dad !
- Hey, am I heavy ?!
- I told you it's not fat, it's power !
Oh, great ...
I told you we should've
parked closer !
No sir, they're mine !
Consider that a warning !
Crazy bastard !!
Got you still spacefreak ...
Ruth ! Get back here !
Just go home !
Oh, I got you sucker ... coming ...
Ready or not ...
Oh, fuck ...
Papa ...
Ruth, wait !
Papa !
Papa !
It's ok, he's allright ...
He's ok ! He's ok !
Wait for me !
Graeme !!
Ruth, drive !
Come on Graeme !
Don't leave me !
Never ...
Graeme, you scared the
shit out of me ...
Ruth, why aren't you driving ?!
I told you, it's easy !
Got it, got it, got it !
Shit, shit, shit !
Oh, ok ...
Small corrections !
Small corrections !
Oh, my weed ! ....
Motherfuckin' titty suckin'
tooball bitch !
Zoil, progress report.
This is Haggard sir !
Agent Zoil is no longer in command !
I don't give a shit who's in command
Where the fuck are they ?!
Just ahead of me, heading
east towards Lytle Creek !
I don't wanna hear from anybody
till that cocksucker is dead ! Get me ?!
Yes sir. Mam ...
Goddammit ...
This is official Government business !
Stand down, or I'm authorised
to use deadly force !!
That thing has my daughter !!
This isn't your mission !!
I'm on a mission from GOD !!
Tell him you failed !
Shit, we got company !
He's trying to overtake us !
Don't let him get passed !
- Should I ram him ?!
- What about the deposit ?
Fuck the deposit !
Lytle Creek
National Park
LIMITED PARKING
Oh, fuck ! Come on !
Smile you son of a bitch !
Eyes forward butt butthorn.
Do you think he'll be ok?
Yeah, he'll be fine.
- Haggard ...
- Zoil.
Where are the other two?
One crashed and burnt, the
other just burnt.
Jesus Christ, it's been one
fuck up after another ...
... I should've handled
this myself.
I am very close, you
give me 1 hour.
An hour? I'll be
eating canapes ...
... with the Governor in an hour,
I need this wrapped up now.
No, they're mine dammit,
I'm gonna finish this once and for all !
Too late Zoil.
I'm bringing in the big g ...
Boring conversation anyway.
Well dear friend, you're
a face from a mighty steeve.
I can't believe she's gone.
Need better bagger tits ...
Oh, what do we do now Paul?
Paul ? ...
Paul, where are you goin' ?
See? What did I tell you fellas?
You know it when you saw it.
Of course.
Huh, right. Shoots
flaming balls.
Can you just light the
fuckin' thing?
They're not toys Paul.
What is the suggested safe distance?
Right, um ...
That's gonna be put us
behind the tree line ...
... we're not gonna enjoy
the full effect.
Yeah, that's true actually.
Ho, ho, ho !
There you have it, huh ?!
It's not funny, that's dangerous !
What now?
We wait ...
- It's amazin'
- Thank you.
Oh, no you don't.
Wait a minute.
Stay where you are you
little green bastard !
It's the Big Guy.
Well, what do ya know?
Small world ...
Paul !
Zoil ?!
Don't fucking move.
- Did ...
- Be cool, be cool.
I gotta say I'm a little
hurt Agent Zoil.
He introduced me to
my wife, he's my friend.
So stupid son of a bitch.
You could've been where I am ...
... in 15 years.
I don't wanna be where you are.
Too bad.
Let's go mork.
Don't call me mork.
- No.
- Guys you don't have to do this.
No, he's going nowhere.
Can it nerds.
What do you think you can
possibly bring to the table ...
... at this point in the game?
Blind Fury.
Oh ...
False economy, I told you.
Step aside.
Fag.
Oh, hu !
Insane !!
Leave him alone !
Get away from her you bitch !
Zoil ...
You ok man?
So much for the plan, huh?
I know, right?
Sorry I zapped you at
the farm house.
That's ok, I'm sorry I wasn't there to
meet you outside at the base ...
... by the time I got there
you were already gone.
But you got yourself a plan B, huh?
Did I ever?
These are my friends.
- Hello. - Pleasure to meet you boys
you did a hell of a job.
Thank you Agent Zoil.
Please call me Lorenzo.
- Lorenzo Zoil?
- Lorenzo's Oil?
That's right.
Ruth !!
Papa ?!
That was close ...
Oh my ...
No !!
Oh God, Graeme ...
Put the gun down Mr Buggs !
Drop the fucking gun, Dad !
I really am gonna miss ya.
This is all my fault.
We should never come
on holiday.
No, no, no. It's fine,
it's fine Clive.
We've had a good time,
haven't we?
Yeah?
But, you got shot.
Yeah I know, but I can
honestly say Clive ...
... this is the most fun
I've ever had.
Graeme?
Graeme?
Graeme ?!
I've gotta try, right?
Yeah?
No ...
Paul ...
Think about this.
Paul !!
Paul?
Oh, that sucked ...
And I don't even get to eat him.
Wasn't that really really
dangerous?
Sometimes ... you just
gotta roll the dice.
It's a miracle !
The Lord has delivered
his healing hand ...
Can't live with these people.
Sorry you got killed by my dad.
That's fine.
Do you wanna try to
kiss again?
Fuck yeah.
Well ain't this ...
I changed my mind.
THAT is Jenga.
Oh, it looks good.
- That's a nice one of you.
- Thank you.
Mr Buggs?
It's been a hell of a ride, huh?
Sorry I frightened the
shit out of you.
You didn't frighten me,
you freed me.
I'm glad.
Hmm, that's nice.
Thanks.
Hey, take care of
her big man.
Oh, I will sir.
And God be with you.
Yeah, whatever dude.
Say bye to Karen for me.
Safe trip short round.
Thanks.
Oh, you're coming with me.
What? ...
I ruined you life, Tara.
I think it's only
right, I give you one.
But, I don't have my toothbrush.
Baby, where we're goin' ...
... you don't need teeth.
That's right, ran on.
Get in there girl.
Yeah, she's comin' with
me, let her in ...
Gentlemen ...
I, um ...
I meant to ask ...
What did you think of the book?
I know, I liked it, actually,
really liked it, there's a lot of ...
... good ideas in it.
Uh, i kinda find it hard to finish.
To be honest.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
Keep it with the journey
home if you like.
Oh, yeah, I'll definetaly.
Awesome !
Well, safe to say we've all
learned something from ...
... this. Be yourselves, speak
from your hearts, some shit like that ...
Yeah, I certainly feel
a bit different.
And me ...
Thank you guys.
No, thank you.
Yeah, thanks Paul.
Hugs?
Clive, I can feel you boner.
Till next time.
It's cool, isn't it?
It's amazing !
Goodbye !!
Goodbye !!
This ship takes off very
slowly, It's a little awkward.
Goodbye !
Can't you do it any faster,
come on !!
That was good, wasn't it?
-- EN1S --
Don't close just yet ...
Two years later.
Sorry, who are you?
Someone who loves you.
I thought you were coming
as Wonderwoman today.
Right, will you please welcome the team ...
... behind this years Nebulon
Award winnning best seller.
By the way, these are friends of mine.
I'm very proud of you Graeme.
I'm very proud of you Saussage.
Come on.
Pat Stevens. Like
Pat Stevens from Chapter One?
The very same.
I always pictured you taller.
Well, you'll see me standing up.
Oh, I'd like that.
I didn't realise you were
still damn pretty.
You can see mr out of
these crazy clothes.
I'd like that.
I can't.
I understand apparently they
are siding me as the ...
As the Flow Fuck.
You know?
Please welcome to the stage,
Clive Gollings and Graeme Willy.
Graeme !! Clive !!
I know those guys !
PAUL
Clive Gollings
wWw.9movie.Co