PawParazzi (2018) Movie Script
1
Hey, you're
listening to WARI The Star.
We got celebrity talk radio and
the latest on London Bridges.
Looks like someone's
in some hot water again.
Stay tuned.
So, Craze, you got the scoop on
London Bridges. What do you hear?
It's more boy
trouble for London Bridges.
Boy, has she had
a lot of trouble with the boys.
Welcome back to Pawparazzi Snap,
your Hollywood connection
behind the scenes.
Our next guest needs
no introduction.
She's had more boyfriends
than Taylor Spears,
and she is hotter than
a Fourth of July barbecue.
Our Pawparazzi reporter Nancy
O'Dog has an exclusive interview
with London Bridges.
Thanks, Sydney.
That's right, we've got the inside
scoop on London Bridges' new movie
and love life.
Hi, Nancy. Hi, Sydney.
Thank you so much
for having me on the show.
Is this really happening?
I'm sure a huge fan
of Nancy O'Dog.
I mean, a talking dog!
On TV and everything!
Lovely to have you
on the show, London.
So, tell me about that boy you were
dating two weeks ago, Crimson Lakely.
Sydney! You can't expect a girl to
address such things on television.
Sure we can.
We do it all the time.
Oh, my.
Well, let's just say
that I don't have the...
Mmm... same talent off the screen
that I do on the screen.
But you know,
I'll always have my little Latte.
Yeah.
Well, I thought you could do
better anyway.
You're way too good-looking
for him.
Oh, you flatter me,
and I'm never one to kiss and tell.
Well, let's skip the boy-talk then.
You are blowing up.
I mean, you've had quite
the run so far.
I've been following you
since you did
Twelve Reasons to Dump
Your Not-So-Man Man.
Now you're all set to do
There Will Be Oil,
small town love story.
That's quite a genre swing!
Oh! It really is.
You know, I'm just really
excited to do this film.
I just...
I really care about the material
and the subject matter
as a whole.
Tell us, what's it about?
Please, you think she's
read the script?
I do all her reading,
and even I haven't read this one.
Oh, you know, I really can't
say too much, but you know,
it's about life and
working on a farm,
or something.
Wait, what?
I'm not going to a farm.
Oh, wonderful. Sounds like
a beautiful story.
Well, before we wrap it up,
we have a very special presentation.
That's right, Sydney.
From our friends at Diamonds
are Forever and the Academy,
we'd like to present
you this gift
in recognition of being the
young rising star of the year.
Oh!
It's a necklace that shines almost
as bright as you. It's wonderful.
And you did know that your
costar from There Will Be Oil,
Dame Rudy Bench, won this
very same award 25 years ago.
Wow.
I mean, a career is nothing
without your wonderful fans.
I mean, where would any
of us be without you,
the beautiful people,
that make all of this possible?
Wonderful, just wonderful.
Thank you. It's a pleasure, my dear.
Folks, be sure to check out her
upcoming film There Will Be Oil.
Let's hear it for
London Bridges, everyone!
And we are off the air.
Ugh! Can you just get this
thing off of me?
Bridges, that was fantastic.
Thank you. I'm a huge fan!
I'll take it, thank you.
Water!
Where's the straw?
Ugh! I am never doing one
of these tabloid shows again!
Brucey, why am I doing
this silly farm movie anyway?
Look, if you want to be taken
more seriously as an actor,
then you'll have to do
more serious work.
It's as simple as that.
Well, I am not milking any cows.
Do you hear me?
Have you seen their udders?
Can I get a latte for Latte?
Well, maybe it won't
be so terrible.
I'll have Latte with me,
and I'll have my trailer.
Ah, yes, about that...
I'm afraid you can't take
the trailer, dear.
What?
There actually won't be any
trailers on this film at all.
You wanted to do an art film.
I did warn you.
Excuse me?
Oh, come now.
It won't be that bad.
London, you're overreacting.
This is what you wanted.
Oh, my. Oh, my.
Bruce, you have one job,
which is to make your client happy.
Do I look happy?
Look, I admit the trailer
thing is not great,
but you have to understand these
independent films don't have much money.
Hello, I'm a movie star!
It's a lovely little farm.
I've seen photos. You'll love it.
Oh, my.
Do you know who else is not
going to have any money soon?
You.
I'll call myself
and take care of it.
Look, once you fly out there, you
will absolutely love it. I promise.
Can I please get a straw?
This latte has got to be
cold by now.
I'm sorry, Latte. I know you only
drink your latte hot. I get it.
A straw?
Can you just do something right?
Kim, maybe we should
just steal TVs...
Bigger!
Big TVs! They make
'em huge now!
Huge!
One second.
I've really got to
get this shot.
I know. Hold on.
I just want it to be perfect.
You know, it's a nice
camera, right?
Yep, yep, number one special?
Yeah, yeah, you go starboard.
All right, going in.
Oh! Hey, you lovely little girls.
Have you seen page eight?
Would look adorable on you. Get
one for you too. And you, you know?
Enjoy New York, girls!
Sure. Wait a second.
Where's my camera?
Where's my camera? I had a
camera on me. It had everything.
Oh, my gosh.
It had, like, my money, my ID.
It had everything...
All right, let's see
how we did today!
Not bad. Ooh!
That camera and that case
I've been dragging around.
Is that it? Afraid so.
Walter, I cannot do any more
of this small-time stuff.
It is killing me.
Well, you never like
any of my other plans.
$53 in quarters from an ice cream
truck is not going to cut it, Walter.
No, no, no.
I saw you steal that fudge pop too.
I want nice things, Walter.
I'm tired of not having things.
I want a nice house and
nice clothes and diamond...
What? Earrings?
Necklace. I don't think
that's your color.
It's diamond color.
That's everybody's color!
I want it.
Who is that anyway?
London Bridges?
She's huge right now.
I don't read that garbage.
Whatever.
Hey, listen,
'London Bridges is set
to shoot There Will Be Oil,
an independent drama about a cowgirl
who's fighting for the rights
to the oil under her land, before
the evil oilmen get it from her.
Filming is set
to start next week,
with the stars arriving
over the weekend.'
Does it say where?
Michigan.
Uh, Grand Rapids.
When was that printed?
Monday.
What do you think? Oh,
now you want to know what I think?
It's a diamond necklace, Walter!
All right, how about this?
Oh, London Bridges! What's
next for you? How does it feel?
Oh, well, what can I say?
I mean, I just feel
so rich and beautiful!
I feel like all my dreams
have come true!
Let's hit the road, baby!
We'll be the paparazzi bandits!
Yeah.
Whoo!
Go! Go!
Uh, miss, if I may ask, who takes
care of scheduling for y'all?
'Cause it's got to be
pretty near the 12th time
I've had to drive into town the past
few days, which ain't a problem.
I'm not concerned.
It ain't that far, you see.
Well, of course, you saw
we just come from there.
But what I'm sayin' is...
Do you have air conditioning?
Oh, right.
Yeah... The air conditioning is
broke, miss. Sorry about that.
No air conditioning?
Or, say you got 12 people
coming in on a single afternoon.
Now, that makes sense, because you
can't fit them all in a single pickup,
so you need to make
multiple trips.
Or I guess you could seat
'em in the bed in back.
But then, what about
their things?
You movie people sure do travel
with a lot of luggage.
Hey, Bobby.
How was the trip?
Hiya, Tom. Jesus...
Oh, yeah?
How's the tractor?
I think it burned out
a plug this morning.
About time for a swap anyway.Yeah.
Crazy weather we're having, huh?
You're telling me.
Hiya, miss. I'm Tom.
Dog.Oh.
Hello.
You must be London.
Yes.
Oh, God.
Right, just one down.
Let me put my hand, here.
Let's try it like... Sorry!
How was your trip?
Not great.Oh.
Sorry to hear that.
Can I get you something
cold to drink?
Look, I'm not trying to be rude.
I'm sure you're a very nice boy.
But I just really need to...
...go to my room
and be alone.
All right.
I totally understand.
Don't worry about it.
Just follow me.
Hiya, miss. You must
be with them movie folks.
Yes, I'm with the star.
Pleased to meet you. I'm CJ.
I'm with the farm.
Let me know if I can be of service.
Latte.
Oh, we ain't got none of them
fancy coffee drinks around here.
Just the old drip coffee.
Latte. My name is Latte.
I don't follow.
Ugh! Farmy people.
Bye, now.
Well, here it is.
Hope you like it,
Ms. Bridges.
Well, I'll let you
get settled in
and I'll be downstairs
if you need anything.
And I believe these are yours.
You don't expect a tip, do you?
Bye.
Oh, Latte.
What was I thinking coming here?
I don't do farms.
You'd better hope
they have running water
because little Latte is gonna be very
upset if she doesn't get a bath soon.
Ah.
Not much for chattin',
them city folk, eh, CJ?
You can say that again.
Not much for chattin',
them city folk, huh?
Oh, I'm pretty sure
she's just tired.
They came a long way.
Seven-hour flight, 20-minute ride.
That'll do it to anyone.
They're all set now, though.
Ah, thanks, Bobby.
Yeah. I'mma head out
and work on that tractor now.
Sounded like a number two to me.
It sounded like
a number two to me.Huh.
Okay. Might be time
for a new distributor too.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Thanks, Bobby. You got it.
Oh.
You better pay attention, Tom.
These movie people
could be trouble.
Oh! See that, CJ?
You see that lady?
I promise you,
it is not that funny, Walter.
It's pretty funny.
I'm doing this like she's a
truck, and she's a minivan.
Yeah, not funny.
Man, reading this garbage, as you
call it, is finally gonna pay off.
Oh, yeah? What? Is Hanson
finally getting back together?
Focus. Look at this necklace.
Necklace, and again and again.
This thing must be
worth a fortune.
Mm-hmm. See, and all this time I thought
you were just trying to keep up with,
'17 Ways to Know
If He Loves You.'Ugh!
No, you can read those things
as much as you want from now on.
Do that London Bridges
voice again.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Everyone always says,
'Diamonds are a girl's best friend.'
But women like 'em too.
I like 'em!
But you know, public,
you're my best friend.
Not the diamonds, you!
Because you're mine.
You're all mine, public!
I believe it.
I believe every word.
Maybe I've got a second
career. Yeah, you should be famous.
I don't need to be famous,
I just need this diamond.
Here's to that.Mmm.
Drive faster.
Oops! She did it again!
Courtney Shears was spotted coming
out of Argo's Caf in Beverly Hills,
with someone who was definitely
not Dustin Thimblebreak.
Does this mean there's trouble in paradise
for one of our favorite power couples?
CJ, you're gonna rot your
brain watching this junk.
Hey, just because
I'm a country dog
doesn't mean I don't love
a little glitter.
Hollywood gossip
is very entertaining.
I'm Sydney Flow.
I'm Nancy O'Dog.
Journalism.
Action.
Oh, dearest me!
How am I ever going to get all
these rotten fence posts mended?
Oh, dearest me!
If I only had money
to hire some help.
Oh... maybe...
maybe there's oil in the ground!
Okay, cut.
Okay. Let's do it again, but
let's not worry about the crying,
because it's not sad,
and nothing really has happened
yet in the movie, right?
Oh, okay.
Oh, great.Okay. I get it.
Ready?
Action!
Dearest me!
These fence posts
are but dust in the wind.
Was that maybe more along the
lines of what you were thinking?
No, no. Mmm.
That was bad.
Maybe I'll just try it again
with more dust.
No, no.
Can I see a script?
Welcome back to Pawparazzi Snap.
So, Nancy, have you heard the
big news about Prince Hilton?
I heard that he announced the launch
of a new line of itch-free collars,
with a portion of the profits
going to benefit puppies in need.
But are they?
Stay tuned as we hit the kennels
and get the real story behind this.
Oh. This is just what little
Latte needed, some alone time.
Walter, what are you doing?
Don't you think it's a little risky
to pull up to the front of the house?
Nah, it's the country.
Besides, we're paparazzi now.
We can do whatever we want.
Okay, you're out of your mind.
Eh, a little bit.
All right, just be cool.
Be cool. We got this.
Follow my lead.
Follow my lead.
Just try the door.
The country, huh?
Nah, come on.
Uh...
What'd I tell you?
Ready? Yeah, yeah.
Go, go.
You guys aren't supposed to be here.
What's going on?
You movie people are
supposed to be outside.
I don't like the look
of you people.
Who's there?
Can't a girl get a little me
time without being bothered?
I don't know about you,
but if Sydney gave me anything
but local organic treats,
I'd throw him right
in the doghouse.
Now, now, Nancy.
You know that I would
only give the best to you.
Oh, this is definitely
the place.
Let's get to work!
I mean, I'm just trying to
understand my character's backstory.
Like, why does she want
to be a cowgirl anyway?
What are you talking about?
She doesn't wanna
be a housewife.
She feels like she should have the
same opportunity as the other cowboys.
Yeah, but I mean, just to
show them that she can, right?
Did you read the script?
Of course I did.
What's your pa's name?
I mean, I just like
to call him 'Pa.'
I don't see any reason why I
would call him anything else.
Oh, my gosh.
Get out of here! Get them out of
here. This is private property!
I can't believe this.
I can't...
I can't even act with them being
here. I can't rehearse. I can't...
Okay, let's take it from the top.
Um...
Once again, this is the scene where the
oilmen arrive from back there somewhere
and you call for Casey, your pa,
that those are the men
and to go after them, okay?
I know how the scene goes.
Fantastic.
From the top then.
Oh, my, what a beautiful day.
Oh, no, there are the oilmen.
Hey, Pa!
The oilmen are here, and they're
trying to take our money!
Land!
I mean, it's basically
the same thing, right?
Oh, boy.
One more time, please.
My, what a beautiful day.
Oh, no, there are them oily men.
Hey, Papa!
The oily men are here,
and they're trying to take our land!
Yikes.
Okay, stop, stop.
Maybe let's forget about
the lines, for now.
Let's maybe focus this time,
hmm, on the emotional beats.
This is a bad situation.
You're not happy
about it, right?
Let's express
some of that, please!
Oh, what a beautiful day!
Hey, Pa, go get those
oiled-up men!
Can I get a water?
All right, come on, baby.
Come on!
Yeah, load me up!
This is livin', this is livin'!
Ha-ha!
But where's the diamond?
I don't know. It's got to be in
there. Come on, we got to go!
It's locked!
All right, all right.
Oh!
Oh, sweetness,
you are finally mine.
I love you so much, Walter.
This is all I've ever wanted!
Yeah, I love you too, baby.
Now put it in the duffel bag!
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm keeping this close.
Okay. Come on.
We got to go!
Hey, what are you doing here?
Oh, look, Walter,
it's a little puppy!
Get out of her room.
Don't touch her things!
Shoo, shoo!
Get out of London's room!
Shoo. Shoo.
Come on. We got to make
a run for it. Come on!
Stop them! Stop them.
They are thieves!
Go get them.
Stop the thieves!
Come on, we've got to stop them!
Get them!
Will there be oil?
Go on. He's on me!
You come back here
with that bag.
You're not gonna get
away with this.
I will take your pants.
There are those oilmen.
And your... wallet.
Wait, is that my hat?
Somebody stop these people.
Stop them! They are running off
with our goods.
I'm gonna...
Stop them.
I'm gonna get you.
Hey, they're getting away. Somebody
do something! Where you goin'?
Tom. They're going
for the car.
Tell people my story!
Thought you'd get
away with this.
Leave the bag, Walter!
I've got the diamond!
They're getting away! Come on,
do something! Tom, come on!
What? Okay! All right.
Here we go!
Bobby, block 'em!
CJ, get them!
Bobby, stop! Hurry up!
Hey, how y'all doing?
Bobby, stop the tractor!
Go, go, go!
Whoa, what you doing there?
They're gettin' away!
Hey!
Bobby, just...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Move it! Move it!
There's only room
for one of us here.
Bobby, stop 'em! Move it!
Bobby!
Somebody get them!
What do you want me to do?
They're gonna stop
the car, sittin' there.
What am I supposed to do?
Get them, CJ, get them!
What are you guys doing?
Oh, for goodness sake.
Tom, you let them get away!
Yeah, CJ got the bag,
I mean... Let me see this.
They left the car.
They're not gonna get far.
See, there's nothing
to worry about.
Look, I'll get the car
and I'll call the sheriff.
No! No, I cannot risk
having the media involved.
It'll ruin me.
Oh, boy.
Wait until she finds out
they got the diamond.
Ms. Bridges?
I, uh, made you some dinner.
It's gone.
It's gone.
I'm... I'm ruined.
Well, what happened?
The necklace.
They took the necklace.
It's gone.Oh.
Oh, we got to call the sheriff.
No, no. I told you,
we can't call the cops.
You don't understand what that kind of
media coverage does to people like me.
Look, we'll get it back.
Let's just go downstairs.
We'll have something to eat.
And we'll figure it out.
I just need to be alone.
I understand.
Welcome to the show.
We've got an exclusive report from London
Bridges' new movie. That's right, Sydney.
There have been reports that London Bridges has
been clashing with director Hugh Franklin.
Here we have some exclusive footage
from the set of the independent movie.
Ugh!
Look, I don't appreciate
your tone with me.
Oh, yeah? Really?
If you would like me to work...
Tell me what you do appreciate.
'Cause I'll tell you what
I appreciate, it's acting!
Well, I appreciate those ugly
pants you brought to set.
They're not mine, okay? Oh, really?
You tried on somebody else's pants?
That is correct.
We love London, so hopefully
everything is going well up there.
We'll just have to wait
and see. Stay tuned.
Hey, we were on TV.
Don't worry.
We'll get it back.
Don't worry.
We'll get it back.
That's what I just said.
This place is disgusting.
I like it.
Helps me feel like my true self.
An animal?
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh!
Wow. Yeah.
Look at that thing.
What do you think it's worth?
A lot.
Mmm! I love it!
Try it on.
Ooh!
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Mmm!
I wanna keep it. Mmm.
Eh, make you a deal.
You keep the necklace,
and we give up this life of crime,
and we settle down
somewhere, you know?
Work the land or something.
Work the land?
Are you serious, Walter?
Yeah.
Good night, Walter.
Don't be an animal!
Good night, Kim.
Good night, Walter.
Is that bacon?
Is that bacon!
Good morning, boys! I hope you're
hungry. We've been cooking.
Look at all this, boy.
Oh, good morning,
boys. Hungry?
Wow, what's the occasion?
Oh, no occasion.
I wanted to do something nice for you boys
since you've been so nice to Latte and I.
All right, mister,
get your paws up on the stool.
We eat at the table
like civilized people.
I feel awful about the necklace.
I'll get the coffee.
Take a seat.
Well, come on, sit up there.
Don't be shy...
Uh, eat up.
You were very heroic yesterday.
Just doin' my job, miss.
And he's modest.
How do you take your coffee?
Hmm.
Cream, two sugars.
What am I saying? You'll have
to wait for a human to do it.
Don't be shy, eat up!
This is delicious,
Ms. Bridges.
London. Thank you.
Uh, I need to ask you
something, Thomas.
Of course.
Tom, but sure.Okay.
Um...
I need your help
getting back the necklace.
No police, no news.
I need to get it back myself.
With your help.
'No occasion, ' huh?
Look, I still feel
terrible about it,
and I thought about it
most of the night last night.
You did?
Well, no, I slept most of the
night, but the way I see it,
without their car,
they'll only get as far as town.
And they took off in
the wrong direction.
Today's Sunday.
All we do is we got to find it by
tomorrow, before they end up selling it,
or something.
I'll get it. No, no. You, stay.
You, also stay.
I'll be right back.
You must be Dame Rudy Bench.
I am indeed, honey.
Be a doll and bring my
bags inside, would you?
Is that breakfast?
Would you put the kettle
on for me, sweetheart?
It's me...
London.
Oh, my.
I didn't recognize you
with that apron.
Pleasure to meet you, my dear.
You are even more stunning
in person.
Oh, stop it.
You are glowing,
Ms. Bench.
Please, call me Rudy.
Have you seen Hugh?
Yes, we shot a scene yesterday.
Splendid. How was it?
You must tell me everything.
It was great.
We shot the scene
with Pa and the oily men.
Splendid.
I'm just so thrilled to be a
part of something so important.
And to get to work with
you too, my dear. Yes, me too.
I've been dreaming of this since I used
to watch you when I was a little girl.
Lovely.
You're too sweet.
London, I wanted to ask,
and it can be anytime,
but I can't tell you how happy it
would make me to see your necklace,
if you wouldn't mind, of course.
I've been thinking about it
the whole way here.
I'm so happy you received it.
Of course.
Is that the
Ms. Dame Rudy Bench?
Oh.
Enchant.
You must be Tom.
It is an honor to have
you here, ma'am.
Quite the handsome
country muffin.
Um, Latte! Why don't you come
in here and introduce yourself.
And this is Latte.
Oh, hello.
I don't care for dogs.
Well, I don't care much
for old ladies.
Right. Why don't I get your bags, and
I'll show you to your room, miss.
Yes, please.
London, I'll meet you out in
front in a few minutes, okay?
What?
You know, to work on your
scene, like we said.
Oh! Yes!
I will be out right after
I finish the dishes.
Excuse me?
I'm very method.
Oh, my.
Right this way, miss.
A man should always follow
behind a lady, upstairs,
so that he may catch her,
should she fall.
Of course, madam.
Go.
What took so long?
She kept asking me to lift her
suitcases in and out of the armoire
and move the furniture around.
What an odd woman.Weird.
All right, we have to get
to town immediately.
Absolutely. We'll head into town as
soon as we're done with the chores.
What?
Are you joking?
It'll be fun. Come on.
No. Tom, you and I have very
different ideas of what fun is.
Okay, fine.
Why don't you go show
Ms. Bench the necklace,
and I'll get the chores done.
I don't know how to do chores.
I'm an actor.
Come on.
Ugh!
It smells awful out here.
Oh, that's the smell of life,
my dear. You learn to love it.
This here's Cosmo. Yeah.
Larger than life, we say.
Oh, hello, Ms. London. We met
the other day during our scene.
Have you caught up on your reading
of the script yet?
You have bunnies?
Oh, my goodness!
You don't eat them, do you?
Oh, no. You said you wouldn't!
Oh, no, no. These are my niece's
bunnies. I just look after 'em.
Oh, phew.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
You better not change
your mind, Tom.
This here's Chew.
Welcome to C-Block.
What is it?
Your worst nightmare.
He's a goat.
Oh.
You can pet him.
He won't bite.
Uh, no, that's moving
too fast for me.
Over here.
I'll see you in
the yard, Tommy boy.
I say don't go into
the pasture for a few days
and he'll come looking for you.
He's such a rooster sometimes.
Look, everyone,
it's London Bridges!
This is the chicken coop.
The first thing we got to
do here is feed them.
All right? So the feed's
in that bucket.
You wanna scatter
three scoops all over,
and just let 'em
have right at it.
Okay, well, the only way I touch chicken
is if it's in nugget form, so...
Come on.
All right.
Oh, my goodness,
a real movie star.
Look at this!
Come and get the feed.
Come on.
You wanna try?
Come on. Give it a shot.
Just scatter it all over.
Oh!
Okay. That works.
You see, that wasn't
so hard, right?
I guess they 're kind of cute when they're
eating and not trying to peck my eyes out.
Right, right.
All right, where are ya, Mrs.
Millie? Hold on one second.
Okay. Oh!
Oh, my goodness!
I can't believe I'm meeting her.
Here, try holding her.
I'm really meeting her.
No, absolutely not, okay?
Come on. I promise
she won't bite.
Go on.
Really. Oh, I'm going to faint!
I can't believe it!
Yeah.
She's actually kinda soft.
Yeah. Just hold her wings down,
and it keeps them calm, okay?
And what's her name?
This is Mrs. Millie.
She loves gossip,
don't you, Millie?
Okay. You got her?
Oh, my gosh.
Someone take my picture!
Perfect.
Hey, there, Mill.
Oh, my gosh. I can't believe
she's touching my feathers.
Hi, Mrs. Milton.
Did you hear the news?
London Bridges is a farmer now.
Oh.
Oh, kind of a smelly one
there, Mrs. Milton.
Oh, okay, all right.
Hold her wings.
Okay. Okay, that's
enough for today.
Go on there.
What time is it?
Baby, good morning!
And what a glorious
morning it is.
Ahh! Are you kidding me?
Is it almost noon?
Honeybee, don't
worry about that.
We got all the time
in the world.
Look at this landscape, huh?
Beautiful.
Yeah, let's leave.
Honey, honey, you just got up.
Allow me to serve you breakfast.
What are you talking about?
Here you go, sweetie.
What's all this?
I wanted to make you breakfast.
Yeah, but where did you
get all this food?
I woke up in the middle of the night,
I went on a little nature hike,
found an old farmhouse
300 yards down the road.
There's a farmhouse?
300 yards away?
Yeah, it's probably
turn-of-the-century. It's nice.
No one was home,
so I grabbed some supplies.
There's a nice barn too.
Walter, why did we sleep out here
if there is shelter 300 yards away?
I was trying to give you
a nice camping experience.
I thought it might change your
mind about moving out of the city.
Okay, you know
I hate the outdoors.
All the bugs and the dirt and stuff.
I need a bed and running water.
There's plenty of
running water in nature.
There's probably a creek nearby.
Oh, yeah? You think it's deep
enough for me to drown you in?
What's with the outrage, Kim?
It's glorious out here.
And we're on foot.
It's not like we're in a rush.
Besides, we got the necklace,
we got your precious necklace.
Yes, we have
the precious necklace.
So let's get to town and sell it
so we can get out of this
wretched cornfield of a state.
Okay, fine.
Eat your breakfast and we'll go.
Why do I try?
Thank you for breakfast.
Don't eat the bacon.
I didn't cook it enough.
Don't eat
the sausage either.Okay.
For a different reason.
Oh. How about bread?
Bread should be fine.
You're gonna love
this next project.
Oh, goody.
It's gonna be a real breeze.
I told you, stay off
Cellblock-C, Tom.
All right, so you see these
brushes right here? Take a look.
So we got a hard brush,
this is the curry comb,
and that's the soft brush.
You wanna start
with the hard comb,
and just comb out
the dirt real good.
Then continue
with the curry comb,
and finish off
with that soft brush.
You do all that, and this here kid
will be your best friend for life.
Oh. Hey, lemme tell you,
I ain't got no friends.
Well, I brush Latte all the
time, so this will be easy.
Let me ask you something.
Why in the world would you name
your dog after a coffee drink?
It's a long story.
Oh.
I just really like fancy coffee
drinks, and when I saw her,
I just thought she looked
like a little latte.
Come on.
I'm serious.
Don't make fun of me.
Right. I'm gonna go
work on the tractor.
Be good, Chew.
What did I get myself into?
Okay, Chew, you and me... kid.
Hey, lady, if you know
what's good for you,
you will stay
on that side of the fence.
Combed and fed all day.
You're not really into
listening, are you?
No running around, trying to
please agents and producers.
Okay, Chew, just gonna
do this. Come on.
I bet you can't run very fast
in them shoes, can you?
No, no! Chew!
See you later! Bye-bye!
Come back, Chew! I'm outta here!
Chew! Come on, Chew. No!
Let's have some fun with this.
Hey, you girls. Get outta the way.
Chew, just stay here.
What are you doing? I don't think
so. It's okay. No! Come here.
I don't think so. No, no, no!
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Time for a little workout!
See you later! Chew, come back!
Tom! I got an idea.
You catch me... never!
Right? Yeah. Okay, honey. Chew!
Working up a sweat! Chew!
I'm ready to go. Tom!
All right! See you later!
All right. Hey! Come on, Chew.
No, no, no!
I'll tell you what.
Come on, Chew.
Let me tell you, honey.
On your best day,
you ain't catching this goat.
You know what I mean? Chew, just...
Yeah, right. Tell me what
your demands are.
You had enough yet? Have you had
enough? No one has to get hurt.
Hey, listen here.
I am not going back in that pen.
I told Tom I want yard time.
I'm taking my yard time.
All right, lady?
No one has to get hurt.
You ain't bringin' me back in there.
That's just the way it is.
Okay. All right,
a little too close.
A little too close. No, no!
Come catch me!
Here we go again, honey!
Yeah. On your best day, sweetie,
you ain't catching this goat.
Tell you what...
On your best day. Chew!
All right?
See you later, okay!
I ain't even breaking a sweat!
Oh! She's getting all wet.
Okay! See you later.
A holiday for Chewie.
Tom!
London?
I told you it wouldn't
end well for you, lady.
Miss, please don't splash around
here. I have very delicate hair.
London?
Tom.
Where have you been?
That goat...
has been running around
like a madman.
Wanted some playtime,
didn't you, Chew?
You may take my life,
but you'll never take my freedom.
Pipe it down, dear boy.
This isn't Broadway.
Hey, you wanna
make something of it?
Don't laugh at me.
Trust me, you'd be laughing at me if you
were looking at this from my angle.
How'd you get him back in there?
Oh. It's all about getting
in touch, my dear.
They just wanna be cared for,
just like us.
Oh, and I keep treats in my
pocket for this sort of thing.
Oh. Okay, fine.
Will you, please...
Will you please come
help me get out of...
Yeah, sure thing.
Comin' over!
You got it?
Nice and easy.
Thank you.
All right?
You know, you're much
prettier when you smile.
You make sure I get my playtime,
and we won't have any problems.
I think I need to change.
Okay, come on.
Oh, my. Would you look at that?
I just don't understand these youngsters
and their method techniques anymore.
Just exhausting.
Come on, there you go.
Fancy.
Thanks.
Tom, look, I really
need to get to town.
And we need
to finish the chores.
Fine. All right, just step on
the step here.
You can sit up... here.
And we're off.
Don't try anything.
Yeah.
Oh, my. There must be
something in the water.
Would you look at that?
I think she's lost her mind.
Well, I'll be. She sure seems
to like farm life. Huh.
I feel like we don't
communicate anymore.
What?
Yeah, just being out here
on the open road,
I've been thinking a lot.
Don't hurt yourself, Walter.
No, I'm serious.
We used to talk.
Okay.
You wanna talk?
Let's talk.
What do you wanna
talk about? I don't know.
Anything, you know?
No, I really don't.
How are you?
Well, we're in the middle of
nowhere, on a highway with no car,
fleeing the scene of a robbery.
I'm terrific.
How are you?
Actually, I'm a little sad,
to be honest.
You know, I made that
breakfast for you,
and I'm just trying
to reconnect a little.
Walter, I love you, but this is
neither the time nor the place.
You love me.
Yes. Have you
lost your mind?
Doesn't matter.
You don't really love me.
Walter, can we please just get
to town, sell this necklace,
and get out of here?
I promise you, we can talk
all the way back to New York.
All the way back,
all the talking. Yeah, yeah, fine.
Come on!
Help.
Help.
Jeez.Help.
So all this here is corn.
We're gonna take to the market.
We got to figure out which one of
these are ripe in order to sell 'em.
Boring!
Come on.
What? Let me drive.
Um, no.
What, you don't think I can?
I bet you haven't driven a
stick a single day in your life.
Well, there's always
time to learn to try.
All right. Why don't I pull
over and show you a few things,
and then maybe you can try.
Okay. All right.
You're gonna get in this... Oh!
You're gonna get in
this seat here.
Okay. All right.
Take your time.
Okay. All right.
So, first thing you wanna do...
Pedal down to your left,
that's your clutch.
You wanna shift it
in first gear.
Pull that brake up
with your right foot,
and give a little gas
as you let off the clutch.
Okay, I think I got it.
So, first pedal
on the left, okay? Okay.
And put it in first gear.
Okay. And lift the brake up
with your right.
Okay.
And give it a little gas
as you let off the clutch.
Okay, gas.
There you go! Oh, my...
You got it! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Okay.
First gear, nice and slow.
You can do it.
I know. Almost there.
Go straight down. Whoa!
Oh, my gosh! You got it.
I'm doing it! Yeah!
Bet you can't wait
to milk a cow.
Look at me, Mom.
Okay, you're drifting!
Drifting a little bit.
Back this way!
Careful.
Whoo!
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Watch the seat.
Got it? Oh!
So you wanna help me load up
the corn before we head in?
That's okay. I think I'm just
gonna go freshen up a little.
What? You look fine.
Uh, I think that's
enough for today.
Besides, we really need
to get into town.
Okay, just freshen up, meet me in
the truck, and we'll head into town.
What? Who are you?
So, what if he's cute?
I'm just doing research.
This is all a dream.
A very bad dream.
Kim?
Please come out.
You know I scare easily.
Oh, Walter.
I'm over here!
Stop it!
I'm sorry. Where are you? I just
wanted to make you breakfast.
Boo!
Hey, this is pretty
good stuff. Here.
I've lost my appetite.
It's not funny, Kim.
Really?
He sounds like quite a
handsome chap, this Roger.
I can't even.
Latte!
Latte!
Latte, will you quit
fooling around?
I'm sorry. Do I know you?
Excuse me, miss,
but we need to get to town.
We have to find the necklace.
It was a pleasure chatting
with you, Mrs. Milton.
Yes, talk soon.
Hey there, Latte.
Come on, move over, CJ.
Didn't see you around
much today.
Well, at least someone noticed.
Tom, how do you deal with
this unpredictable weather?
You get used to it.
Okay, Tom, I'm gonna need
some sort of backstory,
just in case people
recognize me.
You know, so we don't
get caught up in any lies.
You do this often?
Ain't it the truth.
So to speak.
So I'm thinking,
my name could be
Mrs. Bernice Ferdinand
Mariposa.
Ah, yes. The Royal Duchess of
Hamlinsburginshropshireville.
About 7,000 miles that-away.
Did you come
on horseback, Duchess?
Okay, fine.
What if instead, my name is... No.
No. Sorry.So...
N-O.
Do you have a better idea?
Uh... you kinda look
like a cousin of mine.
Stop. I'm just saying.
We... have got
to be close.
Yeah, right?
Wa...
Walter.
I see it! That truck!
Truck, truck, finally!
Help! Help! Over here!
Help!
I'm going to higher ground.
Wave them down!
Great idea! I'll stay here
and do what I'm doing.
Help!
Help!
Hel...
It's them! Hide!
Oh, no, it's them! Hide!
Is it just me, or is that
scarecrow waving at us?
I don't know how
much more of this I can take.
What's that?
Did...
Did that scarecrow look
familiar to you?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, I think
it looked very familiar.
That was them!
That was them!
You don't think that was...?
Yes! Yes!
No.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Never mind.
That was close!
Do you think they saw us?
I don't know. I just kinda
buried my head in the ground.
Why did you...?
What? I panicked!
They didn't stop.
I think we're okay.
Huh.
It can't be that much farther.
I say we risk it,
try to get the car. Oh!
That is the best idea you've ever
had in your whole life, Walter.
Come on.
Oh, jeez.
Come on, Tom. You got to
make it a little prettier.
Of course.
How's that? Better.
All right.
Come here.
This is so not Beverly Hills.
Get something later.
Latte, care to help?
Hmph.
You must be crazy.
Latte, you know what
they have here?
I'm not interested.
Fancy coffee drinks.
You mean we're back
on planet Earth?
Latte?
Ah, don't worry about it.
I know everybody here,
and CJ knows his way around.
Hi, Tom!
How's the corn, kid?
Hiya, Gus. It's good.
Sweet as can be right about now.
Ow-whee!
Look at the ears on that one!
Gus Raymond.
How do you do?
Gus, this here is
London... Samantha...
Winslow.
It's a pleasure
to meet you, Mr. Raymond.
Bellissima!
How do you know this rat?
I'm his cousin.
Hot doggity!
Cousin, eh? Yeah.
Well, you watch out
for this one here, Missy.
He a hound dog
through and through.
Oh, is that so?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Tom, what was that bird's
name you was telling me about,
that movie star?
Gus, you don't have to embarrass
me in front of family, now.
Oh, yes, yes.
This here is a fine
gentleman, miss.
Your family should be so proud.
Well, Ms. Samantha,
I'd like to purchase five ears.
How much they gonna run me?
Thomas?
A dollar an ear,
five for four and ten for seven.
Same as always, Gus.
Say, Mr. Raymond, you wouldn't happen
to have seen a couple of characters
around here this morning,
would you?
Have you looked
around here, miss?
All these folk are
weirdos, if ya ask me.
Who you lookin' for?
Tom getting into trouble again?
Absolutely not. Sure, you ain't.
Little pip-squeak used to run
around playing pranks every Sunday.
Come on, that was,
like, forever ago.
Oh, I don't know.
Who we looking for, miss?
Uh, my... my parents.
Parents.
Out-of-towners.Yeah.
They weirdos? Definitely.
Got it. Mr. and Mrs.
Winslow, out-of-town weirdos.
I better be going though.
Marlene's gonna break my arm
if I'm not back soon.
Well, take it easy, Gus.
It was a pleasure to meet
you, Mr. Raymond.
Ms. Winslow.
Yeah. Bye.Tom.
What a nut.
He's sweet.
Yeah, he's sweet, you're right.
Listen, Tom, we really
have to find that necklace.
Okay, so what I can
do is go around,
ask the folks if they've seen anybody
that looks like 'your parents.'
You okay to stay here?
Uh...
One for one, five for
four, ten for seven?
You got it.
Oh, my God!
Oh, finally!
Come on.
Come on.
Mmm.
Okay.
Okay, let's go!
Let's go, let's go!
And where do we think
we're going?
Oh, this is bad.
Who is that?
I've heard about her.
You're from that TV show
Pawparazzi Snap, correct?
I got this.
Yup, yup.
We're reporters from Pawparazzi.
And I take it you're here doing
a piece on London Bridges.
Uh, yes.
That is also correct.
Well, I am Dame Rudy Bench.
Okay. Lovely to
meet you, ma'am.
Do you know who I am?
Uh... of course?
Dame Rudy Bench, the movie star.
Yes, Miss Dame Rudy Bench,
of course. How do you do?
Do you mean to say you
did not know I'd be here,
and you do not plan to
do a piece on me as well?
Okay, dame, here's the thing.
We got to be going.
And we'd love to do a piece on you as
well, but we've got other assignments.
Who do you work for?
Tell me right now and I will call
them to get to the bottom of this.
Okay, I'm just gonna push her in the
bush and see if she stops talking.
Ma'am, hi.
Kim Quick, with Pawparazzi Snap,
and you are absolutely right.
We would be dumb not to take this
opportunity to photograph you.
Ah!
And interview me.
And interview you, yes.
Great.
You seem like a nice
couple of kids.
How long have you been
with Pawparazzi?
Oh, not long, but we love it.
Really?
What exactly do you
love about it?
Uh...
Well, eh...
You know, interviewing
people, like you.
Yeah. Wonderful people, the
best people. Okay, Walter. Okay.
Uh, pardon me, can I grab
a drink of water?
Oh, it's in the kitchen.
What are you doing? Help yourself.
Oh, thank you.
I'll be right back.
Oh, my, what a loaf.
He's actually a really
talented photographer.
I should hope so.
Personally, I admire
the paparazzo's confidence,
managing to stay levelheaded
while leaching off of those
of us with true talent.
Yeah, I'm sure you do.
Well, we are just such big fans.
Super big fans, so...
Shall we start at the
beginning then? Oh. Oh, no.
We just need a little snippet,
and then we'll be going.
Just a little something about how
much you love being important,
or something.
We'll start at the beginning.
I was not born famous, you know.
Now, see, I would have
imagined you were.
But I knew I would be a star
from the beginning.
Is that so?
I remember my mother holding
me as a baby, bless her heart,
telling me I didn't have
what it took to be a star.
So I slapped her right across
the face and I said,
'I want fame,
I need fame, I am fame.'
Oh, my.
Oh, Walter, will you please
come back in here?
Do you know what she said?
I am afraid to ask.
She grounded me,
and I say rightly so.
Not being able to go
to the theater that evening
taught me all I ever needed
to learn about sacrifice.
Sacrifice.
You hear me, Kimmy?
Help me.
Yeah. Okay, all right. Yeah, let's go!
Let's see what you got there, Nanna.
Okay, big smile.
Say cheese! Okay.
And now show me happy, okay?
And bored, okay?
Were those different?
You know what? Superb, dame, superb.
We've got what we need.
Editor's gonna love it.
Hot stuff. We got to go.
We got to go.
Bye.
Works every time.
Go, go, go, go!
Hello there. Hi!
My name's Bryndell. I'm Samantha.
Oh, are those preserves?
Fresh.
Made 'em myself.
Well, they look delicious.
Thanks! I've got raspberry, boysenberry,
orange, and my personal favorite, apricot.
Would you like to buy some?
They're one for five or four for 15.
They make great gifts too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I actually
don't have my wallet on me.
That's all right.
Some other time.
Okay.
Oh.
You know what, Bryndell?
Maybe you'd be interested
in doing some bartering
for some corn
for some preserves?
Works for me.
Who doesn't like corn?
Yeah, totally.
Okay, I will take a dozen, three of
each. And how much corn do you want?
You tell me.
Whatever's fair.
Several crates?
Okay. I've got to go
get some more preserves.
I've only got a dozen here.
Great. I'll be here. Be back soon.
Oh, hi there, sweetheart.
How are you today? I know you.
Oh, I really don't think that's
possible. I'm not from around here.
Not from around here.
It'll come to me
in just one second.
Oh, don't you worry
your little head about that.
You're gonna give
yourself a headache.
Where are your parents? Over there.
Um...
I know I know you.
I really don't think so.
I've been watching you the
whole time you've been here.
Oh.
I know you.
No luck yet.
Tom, we really need to go.
What? What's the matter?
F-A-N-S.
I know how to spell.
Oh, boy.
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Little girl,
what's going on?
I'm onto you, lady!
Hey, now. What is the matter with
you? Don't be screamin' like that.
It's London Bridges, Mommy.
I know it's her.
Claire, does she look
like a celebrity to you?
But it's her!
Yeah, we should get goin'.
Leave the poor woman alone.
You're never gonna be famous
if you don't show any manners.
I hate you, I hate
you, I hate you!
Okay, let's go, let's go.
I'm so sorry.
Please don't give your kids
any sugar. I'm warning you.
Time to pack up.Yeah.
CJ! Latte!
Come on!
So nice to see the two
of them getting along.
Yeah. Who'd have
thought, right?
Uh, yeah.Okay. So...
Come on, boy. Come on, girl.
I'm really impressed.
It's awesome.
London.
Hollywood's very hens
were here today.
Who?
Pawparazzi Snap.
I hope you don't mind my stealing
your limelight a little there, dear.
I miss it, at my age.
The paparazzi.
Yep.
Caught them as they were trying
to leave in that jalopy of theirs.
The car that
was over there? Yes.
The green one?
Yes.
How could I be so stupid?
Honey, the paparazzi are
everywhere, don't worry.
Did you hear that, Tom?
The paparazzi were here,
and they got their car back.
And you know what that means?
It means that they are halfway to wherever
by now and we are talking about my career,
not just some dumb thieves.
We lost them.
And you know what that means.
It's really not that serious.
It's not about that, Dame... Zip it!
London, please. I don't wanna talk
to you right now.
I can't even. Latte!
Oh, boy. It's gonna
be a lonely night.
My God, she really
wanted that interview.
It's my fault.
Uh, London,
you're kinda choking me.
It's okay.
Latte's here for you.
Go away.
I don't wanna talk to you.
London, it's Rudy.
I'd like to speak to you.
Rudy, can...
we please talk later?
Now's really not a good time.
I understand you're upset,
but please open up.
Thank you.
Thank you.
There, there, honey.
It's okay.
Are you okay?
What happened?
The paparazzi.
Really, honey,
there will be millions.
They weren't paparazzi.
What do you mean?
They photographed me.
They were thieves.
How do you mean?
They, uh...
They took the necklace.
The necklace.
The academy's necklace?
Yeah.
Why are you laughing?
I'm ruined.
No, no.
It's okay, honey.
No. I mean, it's not okay.
It's gone!
It's worthless.
What... What are you
talking about?
It's plastic.
It's fake.
Do you think they just give actors
a diamond necklace like that?
Really?
Absolutely.
Oh!
I was so worried.
I can see that.
I thought that
losing it would ruin me.
That everyone would be talking.
Oh, yeah, well,
people will say all kinds of things
if they're given
the opportunity.
But take it from me.
Real success is being
a good person,
keeping friends that look
out for your well-being.
Work.
Lots and lots of work.
But it has nothing to do
with diamonds, I promise you.
Okay.
Repeat after me.
People are more important
than possessions.
People are more important
than possessions.
Even diamonds? Yes.
You gonna be all right?
I think so.
Really, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
I replaced mine twice.
Now, get some rest.
We have our big scene tomorrow.
Good night, London.
Good night, Rudy.
Thank you.
Of course, sweetheart.
And we will close
out this evening
with our top-ten celebrity
scandals of the week.
Hey, boy.
Hey, Tom, what's got you down?
Oh, Sydney, you know
how I love scandals.
There have been some great ones this
week. What's on the new top ten?
What do we do, boy?
Come on, Tom.
What we have here is a good
old-fashioned crime caper.
Don't overcomplicate it.
Stick to the plan.
Go into town and find the bad guys.
We should go into town
and find the bad guys.
Yeah, you're right.
My feelings exactly.
If she yells at me one
more time, I'm walking.
I know.
I say it every time.
Oh, did you hear she got
Sydney Flow's cameraman fired?
You're kidding.
Absolute... Here she comes.
Hi, ladies.Hi.
I just want to apologize.
Today we start a new film, and I wanted
to start things a little differently.
These are local preserves
that I got for you,
to show you my appreciation
for everything you do for me.
I wouldn't look as good as I always do
if it wasn't for all of your hard work,
and I'm sorry that
I've been so hard on you.
You're too much.
I hope you like them.
Thank you, London.
This is so sweet.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
Pull up to the front, Walter.
Standard operating
getaway procedure.
We're not robbing anyone
today, remember?
Let's enjoy being members
of civilized society for once.
Well, well, well, Mr. Wallace,
I am so glad you said that.
I have been dying to get rid of
this diamond necklace you bought me
for our anniversary.
You're so right,
and I made a huge mistake.
Rubies are so much
more in vogue.
Did you read that in Us Hourly?
I'm a subscriber, you know.
Heaven's above,
I ask you, from what depths
have these demons risen?
I am a simple woman, with a simple
family, trying to live a simple life.
Do not fear... for I am here.
Who are you?
I'm but a simple cowgirl,
also trying to live a simple life.
But the oilmen.
I see that they have taken
your land and your husband.
And we will get back
what is rightfully yours.
But you're a woman.
What can a woman do
to stop men, evil men?
Simple.
I will file a complaint with the
sheriff, demanding that they stop.
My pa...
He taught me how
to complain like a man.
But you're a cowgirl.
That's not possible.
They won't listen!
I've tried and tried! Shh.
It's a new day.
We are no longer the childbearing
burdens that we once were.
Oh, miss.
You are bright
like the morning sun.
And cut!
London, that was just darling.
Oh, Rudy, you have
inspired me so much.
You have no idea.
London, brilliant.
I'm so impressed.
It was great. You know what?
Let's give you a break while we
set up for the next shot, okay?
Oh, thank you, Hugh.Sure.
Oh, Bobby!
Morning, miss.
Have you seen Tom?
Yeah, he had to go into town
and take care of something.
Do you think you can
take me into town?
I really goofed up yesterday,
and I need to talk to him.
Whatever you need, miss.
Oh, thank you.
Golly. I just need to go
change real quick.
All right, I'll be in the truck.
Haven't got the window fixed yet.
Oh, good morning.
Good morning.
Looking for anything
in particular?
Actually, sir,
we're hoping to show you something.
Oh, very well.
Hmm.
Ta-da!
Very nice.
He's putting on gloves.
That's a good sign.
What do you think?
I think...
therefore I am cer...
What's it worth, dude?
That's what we're getting at.
It's, uh...
It's plastic.
I'm sorry. What?
Plastic. Plastique.
Is that, by chance, a rare diamond
we might not have heard of?
No, just good old plastic.
Like the kind that you get
from the quarter machines.
Quarter machines.
Mm-hmm.
Walter, tell me he's kidding.
Tell her you're kidding.
Okay, you know what I'm thinking?
You wanna do what I'm thinking?
Yup.
Ha-ha! Sorry, little man.
End of the road for you.
Where's the good stuff?
I'm willing to bet this truck
they're gonna be at the jeweler's.
Well, there's
their car, Tom. Look!
Wait a minute.
It's worth something to
you now, isn't it, little man?
Leave him alone, Walter.
Let's get out of here!
It looks good on ya!
Hey! Oh, not this guy again!
Listen here, Buckwheat.
We don't have
your necklace anymore.
You want it,
go in there and get it.
You guys aren't going anywhere.
Come on, cabbage patch.
You seem like a nice kid.
You don't wanna get involved
in this. Where's the necklace?
There, there! I think
they're up there!
Go up here.
Turn right, turn right!
I didn't wanna have to do
this, but... back off!
Whoa, easy! Back off!
You've got to be kidding me.
That's not a real gun.
And get this dog out of here.
Whoa, easy.
Okay, okay. CJ, get! Go on!
I'm staying right here, Tom.
Oh!
Come on, Latte.
Let's go!
Is that even a real gun?
Back off, corn boy!
One move out of either one of
you and he'll finish you both.
Ready? Let's go! Go!
Go!
We did it!
Stop!
Hey, buddy!
He's still coming.
All right, this way.
This way!
The dog, Walter!
No! Stop!
Bobby, help!
Pull the hay!
Pull the hay!
Pull the hay!
Don't move, you scoundrels!
Put your hands behind your back.
Yeah, I know the drill,
thank you.
What took you so long to get in
the car? We could've been gone.
Look, London, I know
I messed up yesterday.
No, Tom, I'm the one
who messed up yesterday
and the day before that,
and the week before that,
and the months before that,
and the years before that.
I owe you an apology.
I should've never treated you
so badly from the beginning.
I mean, I didn't even know you
and I was already judging you.
I learned a lot
from you yesterday,
and from all of this.
And the fact you came
all the way down here
and tried to get back that
stupid fake necklace for me.
You're a really good guy, Tom.
What do you mean fake? Oh,
the necklace is fake. Rudy told me.
It's fake?
Plastic.
You know,
a wise woman once said,
'People are more important
than possessions.'
Oh, what a relief.
Wanna get out of here?
Yeah. Let's go.
See, this is exactly what I mean.
This is a perfect example.
We don't communicate anymore.
We could be talking right now.
Okay. Fine, Walter.
You wanna communicate?
Yes, I would love that. So would I.
If it wasn't for your stupid plan,
we wouldn't be here right now!
No, no, no, it was your idea
to chase the diamonds.
If it was up to me,
we'd settle down and work the land.
We are not good at working.
We are good at stealing.
And we are barely good
at stealing!
I stole you a good breakfast.
It was good, right?
It was pretty good.
That's good.
I love you.
Okay, I love you.
I think I can
get out of these. Really?
I think I can get out of these.
Hey.
Hey.
Lookin' a little wet there.
Yeah.
Some weather.
So, um...
I guess this is it?
Yeah, yeah. The rest of them
cleared out last night, so...
Yeah.
Look, I was wondering if...
I don't know if you'd be
interested or not, but...
Yeah?
I got this good buddy
out in California,
and he's been asking me
to visit for a while now.
I thought that maybe
now that I know you...
I mean, I'd like that.
Very much.
That's right,
ladies and gentlemen.
You heard it here first.
London Bridges has found love,
and our inside sources say that
wedding bells are on the horizon.
The handsome man in question,
he's not a celebrity.
No, he's a simple man
from the country
who London met on the set of
her movie There Will Be Oil.
He is such a cutie.
I think she looks really happy.
CJ, how come
Nancy O'Dog can talk?
Latte, it's Hollywood
special effects.
They do that on a computer.
London certainly
does look happy.
And from what we hear,
her dog, Latte,
has an enormous crush
on Tom's dog, CJ.
Ha! What do you think?
Are we in for a double wedding?
Where do they come up
with this stuff?
I used to be a huge fan
of this show, but Th...
Oh, Latte...
A true Hollywood ending!
Oh, my.
Hey, you're
listening to WARI The Star.
We got celebrity talk radio and
the latest on London Bridges.
Looks like someone's
in some hot water again.
Stay tuned.
So, Craze, you got the scoop on
London Bridges. What do you hear?
It's more boy
trouble for London Bridges.
Boy, has she had
a lot of trouble with the boys.
Welcome back to Pawparazzi Snap,
your Hollywood connection
behind the scenes.
Our next guest needs
no introduction.
She's had more boyfriends
than Taylor Spears,
and she is hotter than
a Fourth of July barbecue.
Our Pawparazzi reporter Nancy
O'Dog has an exclusive interview
with London Bridges.
Thanks, Sydney.
That's right, we've got the inside
scoop on London Bridges' new movie
and love life.
Hi, Nancy. Hi, Sydney.
Thank you so much
for having me on the show.
Is this really happening?
I'm sure a huge fan
of Nancy O'Dog.
I mean, a talking dog!
On TV and everything!
Lovely to have you
on the show, London.
So, tell me about that boy you were
dating two weeks ago, Crimson Lakely.
Sydney! You can't expect a girl to
address such things on television.
Sure we can.
We do it all the time.
Oh, my.
Well, let's just say
that I don't have the...
Mmm... same talent off the screen
that I do on the screen.
But you know,
I'll always have my little Latte.
Yeah.
Well, I thought you could do
better anyway.
You're way too good-looking
for him.
Oh, you flatter me,
and I'm never one to kiss and tell.
Well, let's skip the boy-talk then.
You are blowing up.
I mean, you've had quite
the run so far.
I've been following you
since you did
Twelve Reasons to Dump
Your Not-So-Man Man.
Now you're all set to do
There Will Be Oil,
small town love story.
That's quite a genre swing!
Oh! It really is.
You know, I'm just really
excited to do this film.
I just...
I really care about the material
and the subject matter
as a whole.
Tell us, what's it about?
Please, you think she's
read the script?
I do all her reading,
and even I haven't read this one.
Oh, you know, I really can't
say too much, but you know,
it's about life and
working on a farm,
or something.
Wait, what?
I'm not going to a farm.
Oh, wonderful. Sounds like
a beautiful story.
Well, before we wrap it up,
we have a very special presentation.
That's right, Sydney.
From our friends at Diamonds
are Forever and the Academy,
we'd like to present
you this gift
in recognition of being the
young rising star of the year.
Oh!
It's a necklace that shines almost
as bright as you. It's wonderful.
And you did know that your
costar from There Will Be Oil,
Dame Rudy Bench, won this
very same award 25 years ago.
Wow.
I mean, a career is nothing
without your wonderful fans.
I mean, where would any
of us be without you,
the beautiful people,
that make all of this possible?
Wonderful, just wonderful.
Thank you. It's a pleasure, my dear.
Folks, be sure to check out her
upcoming film There Will Be Oil.
Let's hear it for
London Bridges, everyone!
And we are off the air.
Ugh! Can you just get this
thing off of me?
Bridges, that was fantastic.
Thank you. I'm a huge fan!
I'll take it, thank you.
Water!
Where's the straw?
Ugh! I am never doing one
of these tabloid shows again!
Brucey, why am I doing
this silly farm movie anyway?
Look, if you want to be taken
more seriously as an actor,
then you'll have to do
more serious work.
It's as simple as that.
Well, I am not milking any cows.
Do you hear me?
Have you seen their udders?
Can I get a latte for Latte?
Well, maybe it won't
be so terrible.
I'll have Latte with me,
and I'll have my trailer.
Ah, yes, about that...
I'm afraid you can't take
the trailer, dear.
What?
There actually won't be any
trailers on this film at all.
You wanted to do an art film.
I did warn you.
Excuse me?
Oh, come now.
It won't be that bad.
London, you're overreacting.
This is what you wanted.
Oh, my. Oh, my.
Bruce, you have one job,
which is to make your client happy.
Do I look happy?
Look, I admit the trailer
thing is not great,
but you have to understand these
independent films don't have much money.
Hello, I'm a movie star!
It's a lovely little farm.
I've seen photos. You'll love it.
Oh, my.
Do you know who else is not
going to have any money soon?
You.
I'll call myself
and take care of it.
Look, once you fly out there, you
will absolutely love it. I promise.
Can I please get a straw?
This latte has got to be
cold by now.
I'm sorry, Latte. I know you only
drink your latte hot. I get it.
A straw?
Can you just do something right?
Kim, maybe we should
just steal TVs...
Bigger!
Big TVs! They make
'em huge now!
Huge!
One second.
I've really got to
get this shot.
I know. Hold on.
I just want it to be perfect.
You know, it's a nice
camera, right?
Yep, yep, number one special?
Yeah, yeah, you go starboard.
All right, going in.
Oh! Hey, you lovely little girls.
Have you seen page eight?
Would look adorable on you. Get
one for you too. And you, you know?
Enjoy New York, girls!
Sure. Wait a second.
Where's my camera?
Where's my camera? I had a
camera on me. It had everything.
Oh, my gosh.
It had, like, my money, my ID.
It had everything...
All right, let's see
how we did today!
Not bad. Ooh!
That camera and that case
I've been dragging around.
Is that it? Afraid so.
Walter, I cannot do any more
of this small-time stuff.
It is killing me.
Well, you never like
any of my other plans.
$53 in quarters from an ice cream
truck is not going to cut it, Walter.
No, no, no.
I saw you steal that fudge pop too.
I want nice things, Walter.
I'm tired of not having things.
I want a nice house and
nice clothes and diamond...
What? Earrings?
Necklace. I don't think
that's your color.
It's diamond color.
That's everybody's color!
I want it.
Who is that anyway?
London Bridges?
She's huge right now.
I don't read that garbage.
Whatever.
Hey, listen,
'London Bridges is set
to shoot There Will Be Oil,
an independent drama about a cowgirl
who's fighting for the rights
to the oil under her land, before
the evil oilmen get it from her.
Filming is set
to start next week,
with the stars arriving
over the weekend.'
Does it say where?
Michigan.
Uh, Grand Rapids.
When was that printed?
Monday.
What do you think? Oh,
now you want to know what I think?
It's a diamond necklace, Walter!
All right, how about this?
Oh, London Bridges! What's
next for you? How does it feel?
Oh, well, what can I say?
I mean, I just feel
so rich and beautiful!
I feel like all my dreams
have come true!
Let's hit the road, baby!
We'll be the paparazzi bandits!
Yeah.
Whoo!
Go! Go!
Uh, miss, if I may ask, who takes
care of scheduling for y'all?
'Cause it's got to be
pretty near the 12th time
I've had to drive into town the past
few days, which ain't a problem.
I'm not concerned.
It ain't that far, you see.
Well, of course, you saw
we just come from there.
But what I'm sayin' is...
Do you have air conditioning?
Oh, right.
Yeah... The air conditioning is
broke, miss. Sorry about that.
No air conditioning?
Or, say you got 12 people
coming in on a single afternoon.
Now, that makes sense, because you
can't fit them all in a single pickup,
so you need to make
multiple trips.
Or I guess you could seat
'em in the bed in back.
But then, what about
their things?
You movie people sure do travel
with a lot of luggage.
Hey, Bobby.
How was the trip?
Hiya, Tom. Jesus...
Oh, yeah?
How's the tractor?
I think it burned out
a plug this morning.
About time for a swap anyway.Yeah.
Crazy weather we're having, huh?
You're telling me.
Hiya, miss. I'm Tom.
Dog.Oh.
Hello.
You must be London.
Yes.
Oh, God.
Right, just one down.
Let me put my hand, here.
Let's try it like... Sorry!
How was your trip?
Not great.Oh.
Sorry to hear that.
Can I get you something
cold to drink?
Look, I'm not trying to be rude.
I'm sure you're a very nice boy.
But I just really need to...
...go to my room
and be alone.
All right.
I totally understand.
Don't worry about it.
Just follow me.
Hiya, miss. You must
be with them movie folks.
Yes, I'm with the star.
Pleased to meet you. I'm CJ.
I'm with the farm.
Let me know if I can be of service.
Latte.
Oh, we ain't got none of them
fancy coffee drinks around here.
Just the old drip coffee.
Latte. My name is Latte.
I don't follow.
Ugh! Farmy people.
Bye, now.
Well, here it is.
Hope you like it,
Ms. Bridges.
Well, I'll let you
get settled in
and I'll be downstairs
if you need anything.
And I believe these are yours.
You don't expect a tip, do you?
Bye.
Oh, Latte.
What was I thinking coming here?
I don't do farms.
You'd better hope
they have running water
because little Latte is gonna be very
upset if she doesn't get a bath soon.
Ah.
Not much for chattin',
them city folk, eh, CJ?
You can say that again.
Not much for chattin',
them city folk, huh?
Oh, I'm pretty sure
she's just tired.
They came a long way.
Seven-hour flight, 20-minute ride.
That'll do it to anyone.
They're all set now, though.
Ah, thanks, Bobby.
Yeah. I'mma head out
and work on that tractor now.
Sounded like a number two to me.
It sounded like
a number two to me.Huh.
Okay. Might be time
for a new distributor too.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Thanks, Bobby. You got it.
Oh.
You better pay attention, Tom.
These movie people
could be trouble.
Oh! See that, CJ?
You see that lady?
I promise you,
it is not that funny, Walter.
It's pretty funny.
I'm doing this like she's a
truck, and she's a minivan.
Yeah, not funny.
Man, reading this garbage, as you
call it, is finally gonna pay off.
Oh, yeah? What? Is Hanson
finally getting back together?
Focus. Look at this necklace.
Necklace, and again and again.
This thing must be
worth a fortune.
Mm-hmm. See, and all this time I thought
you were just trying to keep up with,
'17 Ways to Know
If He Loves You.'Ugh!
No, you can read those things
as much as you want from now on.
Do that London Bridges
voice again.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Everyone always says,
'Diamonds are a girl's best friend.'
But women like 'em too.
I like 'em!
But you know, public,
you're my best friend.
Not the diamonds, you!
Because you're mine.
You're all mine, public!
I believe it.
I believe every word.
Maybe I've got a second
career. Yeah, you should be famous.
I don't need to be famous,
I just need this diamond.
Here's to that.Mmm.
Drive faster.
Oops! She did it again!
Courtney Shears was spotted coming
out of Argo's Caf in Beverly Hills,
with someone who was definitely
not Dustin Thimblebreak.
Does this mean there's trouble in paradise
for one of our favorite power couples?
CJ, you're gonna rot your
brain watching this junk.
Hey, just because
I'm a country dog
doesn't mean I don't love
a little glitter.
Hollywood gossip
is very entertaining.
I'm Sydney Flow.
I'm Nancy O'Dog.
Journalism.
Action.
Oh, dearest me!
How am I ever going to get all
these rotten fence posts mended?
Oh, dearest me!
If I only had money
to hire some help.
Oh... maybe...
maybe there's oil in the ground!
Okay, cut.
Okay. Let's do it again, but
let's not worry about the crying,
because it's not sad,
and nothing really has happened
yet in the movie, right?
Oh, okay.
Oh, great.Okay. I get it.
Ready?
Action!
Dearest me!
These fence posts
are but dust in the wind.
Was that maybe more along the
lines of what you were thinking?
No, no. Mmm.
That was bad.
Maybe I'll just try it again
with more dust.
No, no.
Can I see a script?
Welcome back to Pawparazzi Snap.
So, Nancy, have you heard the
big news about Prince Hilton?
I heard that he announced the launch
of a new line of itch-free collars,
with a portion of the profits
going to benefit puppies in need.
But are they?
Stay tuned as we hit the kennels
and get the real story behind this.
Oh. This is just what little
Latte needed, some alone time.
Walter, what are you doing?
Don't you think it's a little risky
to pull up to the front of the house?
Nah, it's the country.
Besides, we're paparazzi now.
We can do whatever we want.
Okay, you're out of your mind.
Eh, a little bit.
All right, just be cool.
Be cool. We got this.
Follow my lead.
Follow my lead.
Just try the door.
The country, huh?
Nah, come on.
Uh...
What'd I tell you?
Ready? Yeah, yeah.
Go, go.
You guys aren't supposed to be here.
What's going on?
You movie people are
supposed to be outside.
I don't like the look
of you people.
Who's there?
Can't a girl get a little me
time without being bothered?
I don't know about you,
but if Sydney gave me anything
but local organic treats,
I'd throw him right
in the doghouse.
Now, now, Nancy.
You know that I would
only give the best to you.
Oh, this is definitely
the place.
Let's get to work!
I mean, I'm just trying to
understand my character's backstory.
Like, why does she want
to be a cowgirl anyway?
What are you talking about?
She doesn't wanna
be a housewife.
She feels like she should have the
same opportunity as the other cowboys.
Yeah, but I mean, just to
show them that she can, right?
Did you read the script?
Of course I did.
What's your pa's name?
I mean, I just like
to call him 'Pa.'
I don't see any reason why I
would call him anything else.
Oh, my gosh.
Get out of here! Get them out of
here. This is private property!
I can't believe this.
I can't...
I can't even act with them being
here. I can't rehearse. I can't...
Okay, let's take it from the top.
Um...
Once again, this is the scene where the
oilmen arrive from back there somewhere
and you call for Casey, your pa,
that those are the men
and to go after them, okay?
I know how the scene goes.
Fantastic.
From the top then.
Oh, my, what a beautiful day.
Oh, no, there are the oilmen.
Hey, Pa!
The oilmen are here, and they're
trying to take our money!
Land!
I mean, it's basically
the same thing, right?
Oh, boy.
One more time, please.
My, what a beautiful day.
Oh, no, there are them oily men.
Hey, Papa!
The oily men are here,
and they're trying to take our land!
Yikes.
Okay, stop, stop.
Maybe let's forget about
the lines, for now.
Let's maybe focus this time,
hmm, on the emotional beats.
This is a bad situation.
You're not happy
about it, right?
Let's express
some of that, please!
Oh, what a beautiful day!
Hey, Pa, go get those
oiled-up men!
Can I get a water?
All right, come on, baby.
Come on!
Yeah, load me up!
This is livin', this is livin'!
Ha-ha!
But where's the diamond?
I don't know. It's got to be in
there. Come on, we got to go!
It's locked!
All right, all right.
Oh!
Oh, sweetness,
you are finally mine.
I love you so much, Walter.
This is all I've ever wanted!
Yeah, I love you too, baby.
Now put it in the duffel bag!
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm keeping this close.
Okay. Come on.
We got to go!
Hey, what are you doing here?
Oh, look, Walter,
it's a little puppy!
Get out of her room.
Don't touch her things!
Shoo, shoo!
Get out of London's room!
Shoo. Shoo.
Come on. We got to make
a run for it. Come on!
Stop them! Stop them.
They are thieves!
Go get them.
Stop the thieves!
Come on, we've got to stop them!
Get them!
Will there be oil?
Go on. He's on me!
You come back here
with that bag.
You're not gonna get
away with this.
I will take your pants.
There are those oilmen.
And your... wallet.
Wait, is that my hat?
Somebody stop these people.
Stop them! They are running off
with our goods.
I'm gonna...
Stop them.
I'm gonna get you.
Hey, they're getting away. Somebody
do something! Where you goin'?
Tom. They're going
for the car.
Tell people my story!
Thought you'd get
away with this.
Leave the bag, Walter!
I've got the diamond!
They're getting away! Come on,
do something! Tom, come on!
What? Okay! All right.
Here we go!
Bobby, block 'em!
CJ, get them!
Bobby, stop! Hurry up!
Hey, how y'all doing?
Bobby, stop the tractor!
Go, go, go!
Whoa, what you doing there?
They're gettin' away!
Hey!
Bobby, just...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Move it! Move it!
There's only room
for one of us here.
Bobby, stop 'em! Move it!
Bobby!
Somebody get them!
What do you want me to do?
They're gonna stop
the car, sittin' there.
What am I supposed to do?
Get them, CJ, get them!
What are you guys doing?
Oh, for goodness sake.
Tom, you let them get away!
Yeah, CJ got the bag,
I mean... Let me see this.
They left the car.
They're not gonna get far.
See, there's nothing
to worry about.
Look, I'll get the car
and I'll call the sheriff.
No! No, I cannot risk
having the media involved.
It'll ruin me.
Oh, boy.
Wait until she finds out
they got the diamond.
Ms. Bridges?
I, uh, made you some dinner.
It's gone.
It's gone.
I'm... I'm ruined.
Well, what happened?
The necklace.
They took the necklace.
It's gone.Oh.
Oh, we got to call the sheriff.
No, no. I told you,
we can't call the cops.
You don't understand what that kind of
media coverage does to people like me.
Look, we'll get it back.
Let's just go downstairs.
We'll have something to eat.
And we'll figure it out.
I just need to be alone.
I understand.
Welcome to the show.
We've got an exclusive report from London
Bridges' new movie. That's right, Sydney.
There have been reports that London Bridges has
been clashing with director Hugh Franklin.
Here we have some exclusive footage
from the set of the independent movie.
Ugh!
Look, I don't appreciate
your tone with me.
Oh, yeah? Really?
If you would like me to work...
Tell me what you do appreciate.
'Cause I'll tell you what
I appreciate, it's acting!
Well, I appreciate those ugly
pants you brought to set.
They're not mine, okay? Oh, really?
You tried on somebody else's pants?
That is correct.
We love London, so hopefully
everything is going well up there.
We'll just have to wait
and see. Stay tuned.
Hey, we were on TV.
Don't worry.
We'll get it back.
Don't worry.
We'll get it back.
That's what I just said.
This place is disgusting.
I like it.
Helps me feel like my true self.
An animal?
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh!
Wow. Yeah.
Look at that thing.
What do you think it's worth?
A lot.
Mmm! I love it!
Try it on.
Ooh!
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Mmm!
I wanna keep it. Mmm.
Eh, make you a deal.
You keep the necklace,
and we give up this life of crime,
and we settle down
somewhere, you know?
Work the land or something.
Work the land?
Are you serious, Walter?
Yeah.
Good night, Walter.
Don't be an animal!
Good night, Kim.
Good night, Walter.
Is that bacon?
Is that bacon!
Good morning, boys! I hope you're
hungry. We've been cooking.
Look at all this, boy.
Oh, good morning,
boys. Hungry?
Wow, what's the occasion?
Oh, no occasion.
I wanted to do something nice for you boys
since you've been so nice to Latte and I.
All right, mister,
get your paws up on the stool.
We eat at the table
like civilized people.
I feel awful about the necklace.
I'll get the coffee.
Take a seat.
Well, come on, sit up there.
Don't be shy...
Uh, eat up.
You were very heroic yesterday.
Just doin' my job, miss.
And he's modest.
How do you take your coffee?
Hmm.
Cream, two sugars.
What am I saying? You'll have
to wait for a human to do it.
Don't be shy, eat up!
This is delicious,
Ms. Bridges.
London. Thank you.
Uh, I need to ask you
something, Thomas.
Of course.
Tom, but sure.Okay.
Um...
I need your help
getting back the necklace.
No police, no news.
I need to get it back myself.
With your help.
'No occasion, ' huh?
Look, I still feel
terrible about it,
and I thought about it
most of the night last night.
You did?
Well, no, I slept most of the
night, but the way I see it,
without their car,
they'll only get as far as town.
And they took off in
the wrong direction.
Today's Sunday.
All we do is we got to find it by
tomorrow, before they end up selling it,
or something.
I'll get it. No, no. You, stay.
You, also stay.
I'll be right back.
You must be Dame Rudy Bench.
I am indeed, honey.
Be a doll and bring my
bags inside, would you?
Is that breakfast?
Would you put the kettle
on for me, sweetheart?
It's me...
London.
Oh, my.
I didn't recognize you
with that apron.
Pleasure to meet you, my dear.
You are even more stunning
in person.
Oh, stop it.
You are glowing,
Ms. Bench.
Please, call me Rudy.
Have you seen Hugh?
Yes, we shot a scene yesterday.
Splendid. How was it?
You must tell me everything.
It was great.
We shot the scene
with Pa and the oily men.
Splendid.
I'm just so thrilled to be a
part of something so important.
And to get to work with
you too, my dear. Yes, me too.
I've been dreaming of this since I used
to watch you when I was a little girl.
Lovely.
You're too sweet.
London, I wanted to ask,
and it can be anytime,
but I can't tell you how happy it
would make me to see your necklace,
if you wouldn't mind, of course.
I've been thinking about it
the whole way here.
I'm so happy you received it.
Of course.
Is that the
Ms. Dame Rudy Bench?
Oh.
Enchant.
You must be Tom.
It is an honor to have
you here, ma'am.
Quite the handsome
country muffin.
Um, Latte! Why don't you come
in here and introduce yourself.
And this is Latte.
Oh, hello.
I don't care for dogs.
Well, I don't care much
for old ladies.
Right. Why don't I get your bags, and
I'll show you to your room, miss.
Yes, please.
London, I'll meet you out in
front in a few minutes, okay?
What?
You know, to work on your
scene, like we said.
Oh! Yes!
I will be out right after
I finish the dishes.
Excuse me?
I'm very method.
Oh, my.
Right this way, miss.
A man should always follow
behind a lady, upstairs,
so that he may catch her,
should she fall.
Of course, madam.
Go.
What took so long?
She kept asking me to lift her
suitcases in and out of the armoire
and move the furniture around.
What an odd woman.Weird.
All right, we have to get
to town immediately.
Absolutely. We'll head into town as
soon as we're done with the chores.
What?
Are you joking?
It'll be fun. Come on.
No. Tom, you and I have very
different ideas of what fun is.
Okay, fine.
Why don't you go show
Ms. Bench the necklace,
and I'll get the chores done.
I don't know how to do chores.
I'm an actor.
Come on.
Ugh!
It smells awful out here.
Oh, that's the smell of life,
my dear. You learn to love it.
This here's Cosmo. Yeah.
Larger than life, we say.
Oh, hello, Ms. London. We met
the other day during our scene.
Have you caught up on your reading
of the script yet?
You have bunnies?
Oh, my goodness!
You don't eat them, do you?
Oh, no. You said you wouldn't!
Oh, no, no. These are my niece's
bunnies. I just look after 'em.
Oh, phew.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
You better not change
your mind, Tom.
This here's Chew.
Welcome to C-Block.
What is it?
Your worst nightmare.
He's a goat.
Oh.
You can pet him.
He won't bite.
Uh, no, that's moving
too fast for me.
Over here.
I'll see you in
the yard, Tommy boy.
I say don't go into
the pasture for a few days
and he'll come looking for you.
He's such a rooster sometimes.
Look, everyone,
it's London Bridges!
This is the chicken coop.
The first thing we got to
do here is feed them.
All right? So the feed's
in that bucket.
You wanna scatter
three scoops all over,
and just let 'em
have right at it.
Okay, well, the only way I touch chicken
is if it's in nugget form, so...
Come on.
All right.
Oh, my goodness,
a real movie star.
Look at this!
Come and get the feed.
Come on.
You wanna try?
Come on. Give it a shot.
Just scatter it all over.
Oh!
Okay. That works.
You see, that wasn't
so hard, right?
I guess they 're kind of cute when they're
eating and not trying to peck my eyes out.
Right, right.
All right, where are ya, Mrs.
Millie? Hold on one second.
Okay. Oh!
Oh, my goodness!
I can't believe I'm meeting her.
Here, try holding her.
I'm really meeting her.
No, absolutely not, okay?
Come on. I promise
she won't bite.
Go on.
Really. Oh, I'm going to faint!
I can't believe it!
Yeah.
She's actually kinda soft.
Yeah. Just hold her wings down,
and it keeps them calm, okay?
And what's her name?
This is Mrs. Millie.
She loves gossip,
don't you, Millie?
Okay. You got her?
Oh, my gosh.
Someone take my picture!
Perfect.
Hey, there, Mill.
Oh, my gosh. I can't believe
she's touching my feathers.
Hi, Mrs. Milton.
Did you hear the news?
London Bridges is a farmer now.
Oh.
Oh, kind of a smelly one
there, Mrs. Milton.
Oh, okay, all right.
Hold her wings.
Okay. Okay, that's
enough for today.
Go on there.
What time is it?
Baby, good morning!
And what a glorious
morning it is.
Ahh! Are you kidding me?
Is it almost noon?
Honeybee, don't
worry about that.
We got all the time
in the world.
Look at this landscape, huh?
Beautiful.
Yeah, let's leave.
Honey, honey, you just got up.
Allow me to serve you breakfast.
What are you talking about?
Here you go, sweetie.
What's all this?
I wanted to make you breakfast.
Yeah, but where did you
get all this food?
I woke up in the middle of the night,
I went on a little nature hike,
found an old farmhouse
300 yards down the road.
There's a farmhouse?
300 yards away?
Yeah, it's probably
turn-of-the-century. It's nice.
No one was home,
so I grabbed some supplies.
There's a nice barn too.
Walter, why did we sleep out here
if there is shelter 300 yards away?
I was trying to give you
a nice camping experience.
I thought it might change your
mind about moving out of the city.
Okay, you know
I hate the outdoors.
All the bugs and the dirt and stuff.
I need a bed and running water.
There's plenty of
running water in nature.
There's probably a creek nearby.
Oh, yeah? You think it's deep
enough for me to drown you in?
What's with the outrage, Kim?
It's glorious out here.
And we're on foot.
It's not like we're in a rush.
Besides, we got the necklace,
we got your precious necklace.
Yes, we have
the precious necklace.
So let's get to town and sell it
so we can get out of this
wretched cornfield of a state.
Okay, fine.
Eat your breakfast and we'll go.
Why do I try?
Thank you for breakfast.
Don't eat the bacon.
I didn't cook it enough.
Don't eat
the sausage either.Okay.
For a different reason.
Oh. How about bread?
Bread should be fine.
You're gonna love
this next project.
Oh, goody.
It's gonna be a real breeze.
I told you, stay off
Cellblock-C, Tom.
All right, so you see these
brushes right here? Take a look.
So we got a hard brush,
this is the curry comb,
and that's the soft brush.
You wanna start
with the hard comb,
and just comb out
the dirt real good.
Then continue
with the curry comb,
and finish off
with that soft brush.
You do all that, and this here kid
will be your best friend for life.
Oh. Hey, lemme tell you,
I ain't got no friends.
Well, I brush Latte all the
time, so this will be easy.
Let me ask you something.
Why in the world would you name
your dog after a coffee drink?
It's a long story.
Oh.
I just really like fancy coffee
drinks, and when I saw her,
I just thought she looked
like a little latte.
Come on.
I'm serious.
Don't make fun of me.
Right. I'm gonna go
work on the tractor.
Be good, Chew.
What did I get myself into?
Okay, Chew, you and me... kid.
Hey, lady, if you know
what's good for you,
you will stay
on that side of the fence.
Combed and fed all day.
You're not really into
listening, are you?
No running around, trying to
please agents and producers.
Okay, Chew, just gonna
do this. Come on.
I bet you can't run very fast
in them shoes, can you?
No, no! Chew!
See you later! Bye-bye!
Come back, Chew! I'm outta here!
Chew! Come on, Chew. No!
Let's have some fun with this.
Hey, you girls. Get outta the way.
Chew, just stay here.
What are you doing? I don't think
so. It's okay. No! Come here.
I don't think so. No, no, no!
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Time for a little workout!
See you later! Chew, come back!
Tom! I got an idea.
You catch me... never!
Right? Yeah. Okay, honey. Chew!
Working up a sweat! Chew!
I'm ready to go. Tom!
All right! See you later!
All right. Hey! Come on, Chew.
No, no, no!
I'll tell you what.
Come on, Chew.
Let me tell you, honey.
On your best day,
you ain't catching this goat.
You know what I mean? Chew, just...
Yeah, right. Tell me what
your demands are.
You had enough yet? Have you had
enough? No one has to get hurt.
Hey, listen here.
I am not going back in that pen.
I told Tom I want yard time.
I'm taking my yard time.
All right, lady?
No one has to get hurt.
You ain't bringin' me back in there.
That's just the way it is.
Okay. All right,
a little too close.
A little too close. No, no!
Come catch me!
Here we go again, honey!
Yeah. On your best day, sweetie,
you ain't catching this goat.
Tell you what...
On your best day. Chew!
All right?
See you later, okay!
I ain't even breaking a sweat!
Oh! She's getting all wet.
Okay! See you later.
A holiday for Chewie.
Tom!
London?
I told you it wouldn't
end well for you, lady.
Miss, please don't splash around
here. I have very delicate hair.
London?
Tom.
Where have you been?
That goat...
has been running around
like a madman.
Wanted some playtime,
didn't you, Chew?
You may take my life,
but you'll never take my freedom.
Pipe it down, dear boy.
This isn't Broadway.
Hey, you wanna
make something of it?
Don't laugh at me.
Trust me, you'd be laughing at me if you
were looking at this from my angle.
How'd you get him back in there?
Oh. It's all about getting
in touch, my dear.
They just wanna be cared for,
just like us.
Oh, and I keep treats in my
pocket for this sort of thing.
Oh. Okay, fine.
Will you, please...
Will you please come
help me get out of...
Yeah, sure thing.
Comin' over!
You got it?
Nice and easy.
Thank you.
All right?
You know, you're much
prettier when you smile.
You make sure I get my playtime,
and we won't have any problems.
I think I need to change.
Okay, come on.
Oh, my. Would you look at that?
I just don't understand these youngsters
and their method techniques anymore.
Just exhausting.
Come on, there you go.
Fancy.
Thanks.
Tom, look, I really
need to get to town.
And we need
to finish the chores.
Fine. All right, just step on
the step here.
You can sit up... here.
And we're off.
Don't try anything.
Yeah.
Oh, my. There must be
something in the water.
Would you look at that?
I think she's lost her mind.
Well, I'll be. She sure seems
to like farm life. Huh.
I feel like we don't
communicate anymore.
What?
Yeah, just being out here
on the open road,
I've been thinking a lot.
Don't hurt yourself, Walter.
No, I'm serious.
We used to talk.
Okay.
You wanna talk?
Let's talk.
What do you wanna
talk about? I don't know.
Anything, you know?
No, I really don't.
How are you?
Well, we're in the middle of
nowhere, on a highway with no car,
fleeing the scene of a robbery.
I'm terrific.
How are you?
Actually, I'm a little sad,
to be honest.
You know, I made that
breakfast for you,
and I'm just trying
to reconnect a little.
Walter, I love you, but this is
neither the time nor the place.
You love me.
Yes. Have you
lost your mind?
Doesn't matter.
You don't really love me.
Walter, can we please just get
to town, sell this necklace,
and get out of here?
I promise you, we can talk
all the way back to New York.
All the way back,
all the talking. Yeah, yeah, fine.
Come on!
Help.
Help.
Jeez.Help.
So all this here is corn.
We're gonna take to the market.
We got to figure out which one of
these are ripe in order to sell 'em.
Boring!
Come on.
What? Let me drive.
Um, no.
What, you don't think I can?
I bet you haven't driven a
stick a single day in your life.
Well, there's always
time to learn to try.
All right. Why don't I pull
over and show you a few things,
and then maybe you can try.
Okay. All right.
You're gonna get in this... Oh!
You're gonna get in
this seat here.
Okay. All right.
Take your time.
Okay. All right.
So, first thing you wanna do...
Pedal down to your left,
that's your clutch.
You wanna shift it
in first gear.
Pull that brake up
with your right foot,
and give a little gas
as you let off the clutch.
Okay, I think I got it.
So, first pedal
on the left, okay? Okay.
And put it in first gear.
Okay. And lift the brake up
with your right.
Okay.
And give it a little gas
as you let off the clutch.
Okay, gas.
There you go! Oh, my...
You got it! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Okay.
First gear, nice and slow.
You can do it.
I know. Almost there.
Go straight down. Whoa!
Oh, my gosh! You got it.
I'm doing it! Yeah!
Bet you can't wait
to milk a cow.
Look at me, Mom.
Okay, you're drifting!
Drifting a little bit.
Back this way!
Careful.
Whoo!
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Watch the seat.
Got it? Oh!
So you wanna help me load up
the corn before we head in?
That's okay. I think I'm just
gonna go freshen up a little.
What? You look fine.
Uh, I think that's
enough for today.
Besides, we really need
to get into town.
Okay, just freshen up, meet me in
the truck, and we'll head into town.
What? Who are you?
So, what if he's cute?
I'm just doing research.
This is all a dream.
A very bad dream.
Kim?
Please come out.
You know I scare easily.
Oh, Walter.
I'm over here!
Stop it!
I'm sorry. Where are you? I just
wanted to make you breakfast.
Boo!
Hey, this is pretty
good stuff. Here.
I've lost my appetite.
It's not funny, Kim.
Really?
He sounds like quite a
handsome chap, this Roger.
I can't even.
Latte!
Latte!
Latte, will you quit
fooling around?
I'm sorry. Do I know you?
Excuse me, miss,
but we need to get to town.
We have to find the necklace.
It was a pleasure chatting
with you, Mrs. Milton.
Yes, talk soon.
Hey there, Latte.
Come on, move over, CJ.
Didn't see you around
much today.
Well, at least someone noticed.
Tom, how do you deal with
this unpredictable weather?
You get used to it.
Okay, Tom, I'm gonna need
some sort of backstory,
just in case people
recognize me.
You know, so we don't
get caught up in any lies.
You do this often?
Ain't it the truth.
So to speak.
So I'm thinking,
my name could be
Mrs. Bernice Ferdinand
Mariposa.
Ah, yes. The Royal Duchess of
Hamlinsburginshropshireville.
About 7,000 miles that-away.
Did you come
on horseback, Duchess?
Okay, fine.
What if instead, my name is... No.
No. Sorry.So...
N-O.
Do you have a better idea?
Uh... you kinda look
like a cousin of mine.
Stop. I'm just saying.
We... have got
to be close.
Yeah, right?
Wa...
Walter.
I see it! That truck!
Truck, truck, finally!
Help! Help! Over here!
Help!
I'm going to higher ground.
Wave them down!
Great idea! I'll stay here
and do what I'm doing.
Help!
Help!
Hel...
It's them! Hide!
Oh, no, it's them! Hide!
Is it just me, or is that
scarecrow waving at us?
I don't know how
much more of this I can take.
What's that?
Did...
Did that scarecrow look
familiar to you?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, I think
it looked very familiar.
That was them!
That was them!
You don't think that was...?
Yes! Yes!
No.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Never mind.
That was close!
Do you think they saw us?
I don't know. I just kinda
buried my head in the ground.
Why did you...?
What? I panicked!
They didn't stop.
I think we're okay.
Huh.
It can't be that much farther.
I say we risk it,
try to get the car. Oh!
That is the best idea you've ever
had in your whole life, Walter.
Come on.
Oh, jeez.
Come on, Tom. You got to
make it a little prettier.
Of course.
How's that? Better.
All right.
Come here.
This is so not Beverly Hills.
Get something later.
Latte, care to help?
Hmph.
You must be crazy.
Latte, you know what
they have here?
I'm not interested.
Fancy coffee drinks.
You mean we're back
on planet Earth?
Latte?
Ah, don't worry about it.
I know everybody here,
and CJ knows his way around.
Hi, Tom!
How's the corn, kid?
Hiya, Gus. It's good.
Sweet as can be right about now.
Ow-whee!
Look at the ears on that one!
Gus Raymond.
How do you do?
Gus, this here is
London... Samantha...
Winslow.
It's a pleasure
to meet you, Mr. Raymond.
Bellissima!
How do you know this rat?
I'm his cousin.
Hot doggity!
Cousin, eh? Yeah.
Well, you watch out
for this one here, Missy.
He a hound dog
through and through.
Oh, is that so?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Tom, what was that bird's
name you was telling me about,
that movie star?
Gus, you don't have to embarrass
me in front of family, now.
Oh, yes, yes.
This here is a fine
gentleman, miss.
Your family should be so proud.
Well, Ms. Samantha,
I'd like to purchase five ears.
How much they gonna run me?
Thomas?
A dollar an ear,
five for four and ten for seven.
Same as always, Gus.
Say, Mr. Raymond, you wouldn't happen
to have seen a couple of characters
around here this morning,
would you?
Have you looked
around here, miss?
All these folk are
weirdos, if ya ask me.
Who you lookin' for?
Tom getting into trouble again?
Absolutely not. Sure, you ain't.
Little pip-squeak used to run
around playing pranks every Sunday.
Come on, that was,
like, forever ago.
Oh, I don't know.
Who we looking for, miss?
Uh, my... my parents.
Parents.
Out-of-towners.Yeah.
They weirdos? Definitely.
Got it. Mr. and Mrs.
Winslow, out-of-town weirdos.
I better be going though.
Marlene's gonna break my arm
if I'm not back soon.
Well, take it easy, Gus.
It was a pleasure to meet
you, Mr. Raymond.
Ms. Winslow.
Yeah. Bye.Tom.
What a nut.
He's sweet.
Yeah, he's sweet, you're right.
Listen, Tom, we really
have to find that necklace.
Okay, so what I can
do is go around,
ask the folks if they've seen anybody
that looks like 'your parents.'
You okay to stay here?
Uh...
One for one, five for
four, ten for seven?
You got it.
Oh, my God!
Oh, finally!
Come on.
Come on.
Mmm.
Okay.
Okay, let's go!
Let's go, let's go!
And where do we think
we're going?
Oh, this is bad.
Who is that?
I've heard about her.
You're from that TV show
Pawparazzi Snap, correct?
I got this.
Yup, yup.
We're reporters from Pawparazzi.
And I take it you're here doing
a piece on London Bridges.
Uh, yes.
That is also correct.
Well, I am Dame Rudy Bench.
Okay. Lovely to
meet you, ma'am.
Do you know who I am?
Uh... of course?
Dame Rudy Bench, the movie star.
Yes, Miss Dame Rudy Bench,
of course. How do you do?
Do you mean to say you
did not know I'd be here,
and you do not plan to
do a piece on me as well?
Okay, dame, here's the thing.
We got to be going.
And we'd love to do a piece on you as
well, but we've got other assignments.
Who do you work for?
Tell me right now and I will call
them to get to the bottom of this.
Okay, I'm just gonna push her in the
bush and see if she stops talking.
Ma'am, hi.
Kim Quick, with Pawparazzi Snap,
and you are absolutely right.
We would be dumb not to take this
opportunity to photograph you.
Ah!
And interview me.
And interview you, yes.
Great.
You seem like a nice
couple of kids.
How long have you been
with Pawparazzi?
Oh, not long, but we love it.
Really?
What exactly do you
love about it?
Uh...
Well, eh...
You know, interviewing
people, like you.
Yeah. Wonderful people, the
best people. Okay, Walter. Okay.
Uh, pardon me, can I grab
a drink of water?
Oh, it's in the kitchen.
What are you doing? Help yourself.
Oh, thank you.
I'll be right back.
Oh, my, what a loaf.
He's actually a really
talented photographer.
I should hope so.
Personally, I admire
the paparazzo's confidence,
managing to stay levelheaded
while leaching off of those
of us with true talent.
Yeah, I'm sure you do.
Well, we are just such big fans.
Super big fans, so...
Shall we start at the
beginning then? Oh. Oh, no.
We just need a little snippet,
and then we'll be going.
Just a little something about how
much you love being important,
or something.
We'll start at the beginning.
I was not born famous, you know.
Now, see, I would have
imagined you were.
But I knew I would be a star
from the beginning.
Is that so?
I remember my mother holding
me as a baby, bless her heart,
telling me I didn't have
what it took to be a star.
So I slapped her right across
the face and I said,
'I want fame,
I need fame, I am fame.'
Oh, my.
Oh, Walter, will you please
come back in here?
Do you know what she said?
I am afraid to ask.
She grounded me,
and I say rightly so.
Not being able to go
to the theater that evening
taught me all I ever needed
to learn about sacrifice.
Sacrifice.
You hear me, Kimmy?
Help me.
Yeah. Okay, all right. Yeah, let's go!
Let's see what you got there, Nanna.
Okay, big smile.
Say cheese! Okay.
And now show me happy, okay?
And bored, okay?
Were those different?
You know what? Superb, dame, superb.
We've got what we need.
Editor's gonna love it.
Hot stuff. We got to go.
We got to go.
Bye.
Works every time.
Go, go, go, go!
Hello there. Hi!
My name's Bryndell. I'm Samantha.
Oh, are those preserves?
Fresh.
Made 'em myself.
Well, they look delicious.
Thanks! I've got raspberry, boysenberry,
orange, and my personal favorite, apricot.
Would you like to buy some?
They're one for five or four for 15.
They make great gifts too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I actually
don't have my wallet on me.
That's all right.
Some other time.
Okay.
Oh.
You know what, Bryndell?
Maybe you'd be interested
in doing some bartering
for some corn
for some preserves?
Works for me.
Who doesn't like corn?
Yeah, totally.
Okay, I will take a dozen, three of
each. And how much corn do you want?
You tell me.
Whatever's fair.
Several crates?
Okay. I've got to go
get some more preserves.
I've only got a dozen here.
Great. I'll be here. Be back soon.
Oh, hi there, sweetheart.
How are you today? I know you.
Oh, I really don't think that's
possible. I'm not from around here.
Not from around here.
It'll come to me
in just one second.
Oh, don't you worry
your little head about that.
You're gonna give
yourself a headache.
Where are your parents? Over there.
Um...
I know I know you.
I really don't think so.
I've been watching you the
whole time you've been here.
Oh.
I know you.
No luck yet.
Tom, we really need to go.
What? What's the matter?
F-A-N-S.
I know how to spell.
Oh, boy.
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Little girl,
what's going on?
I'm onto you, lady!
Hey, now. What is the matter with
you? Don't be screamin' like that.
It's London Bridges, Mommy.
I know it's her.
Claire, does she look
like a celebrity to you?
But it's her!
Yeah, we should get goin'.
Leave the poor woman alone.
You're never gonna be famous
if you don't show any manners.
I hate you, I hate
you, I hate you!
Okay, let's go, let's go.
I'm so sorry.
Please don't give your kids
any sugar. I'm warning you.
Time to pack up.Yeah.
CJ! Latte!
Come on!
So nice to see the two
of them getting along.
Yeah. Who'd have
thought, right?
Uh, yeah.Okay. So...
Come on, boy. Come on, girl.
I'm really impressed.
It's awesome.
London.
Hollywood's very hens
were here today.
Who?
Pawparazzi Snap.
I hope you don't mind my stealing
your limelight a little there, dear.
I miss it, at my age.
The paparazzi.
Yep.
Caught them as they were trying
to leave in that jalopy of theirs.
The car that
was over there? Yes.
The green one?
Yes.
How could I be so stupid?
Honey, the paparazzi are
everywhere, don't worry.
Did you hear that, Tom?
The paparazzi were here,
and they got their car back.
And you know what that means?
It means that they are halfway to wherever
by now and we are talking about my career,
not just some dumb thieves.
We lost them.
And you know what that means.
It's really not that serious.
It's not about that, Dame... Zip it!
London, please. I don't wanna talk
to you right now.
I can't even. Latte!
Oh, boy. It's gonna
be a lonely night.
My God, she really
wanted that interview.
It's my fault.
Uh, London,
you're kinda choking me.
It's okay.
Latte's here for you.
Go away.
I don't wanna talk to you.
London, it's Rudy.
I'd like to speak to you.
Rudy, can...
we please talk later?
Now's really not a good time.
I understand you're upset,
but please open up.
Thank you.
Thank you.
There, there, honey.
It's okay.
Are you okay?
What happened?
The paparazzi.
Really, honey,
there will be millions.
They weren't paparazzi.
What do you mean?
They photographed me.
They were thieves.
How do you mean?
They, uh...
They took the necklace.
The necklace.
The academy's necklace?
Yeah.
Why are you laughing?
I'm ruined.
No, no.
It's okay, honey.
No. I mean, it's not okay.
It's gone!
It's worthless.
What... What are you
talking about?
It's plastic.
It's fake.
Do you think they just give actors
a diamond necklace like that?
Really?
Absolutely.
Oh!
I was so worried.
I can see that.
I thought that
losing it would ruin me.
That everyone would be talking.
Oh, yeah, well,
people will say all kinds of things
if they're given
the opportunity.
But take it from me.
Real success is being
a good person,
keeping friends that look
out for your well-being.
Work.
Lots and lots of work.
But it has nothing to do
with diamonds, I promise you.
Okay.
Repeat after me.
People are more important
than possessions.
People are more important
than possessions.
Even diamonds? Yes.
You gonna be all right?
I think so.
Really, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
I replaced mine twice.
Now, get some rest.
We have our big scene tomorrow.
Good night, London.
Good night, Rudy.
Thank you.
Of course, sweetheart.
And we will close
out this evening
with our top-ten celebrity
scandals of the week.
Hey, boy.
Hey, Tom, what's got you down?
Oh, Sydney, you know
how I love scandals.
There have been some great ones this
week. What's on the new top ten?
What do we do, boy?
Come on, Tom.
What we have here is a good
old-fashioned crime caper.
Don't overcomplicate it.
Stick to the plan.
Go into town and find the bad guys.
We should go into town
and find the bad guys.
Yeah, you're right.
My feelings exactly.
If she yells at me one
more time, I'm walking.
I know.
I say it every time.
Oh, did you hear she got
Sydney Flow's cameraman fired?
You're kidding.
Absolute... Here she comes.
Hi, ladies.Hi.
I just want to apologize.
Today we start a new film, and I wanted
to start things a little differently.
These are local preserves
that I got for you,
to show you my appreciation
for everything you do for me.
I wouldn't look as good as I always do
if it wasn't for all of your hard work,
and I'm sorry that
I've been so hard on you.
You're too much.
I hope you like them.
Thank you, London.
This is so sweet.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
Pull up to the front, Walter.
Standard operating
getaway procedure.
We're not robbing anyone
today, remember?
Let's enjoy being members
of civilized society for once.
Well, well, well, Mr. Wallace,
I am so glad you said that.
I have been dying to get rid of
this diamond necklace you bought me
for our anniversary.
You're so right,
and I made a huge mistake.
Rubies are so much
more in vogue.
Did you read that in Us Hourly?
I'm a subscriber, you know.
Heaven's above,
I ask you, from what depths
have these demons risen?
I am a simple woman, with a simple
family, trying to live a simple life.
Do not fear... for I am here.
Who are you?
I'm but a simple cowgirl,
also trying to live a simple life.
But the oilmen.
I see that they have taken
your land and your husband.
And we will get back
what is rightfully yours.
But you're a woman.
What can a woman do
to stop men, evil men?
Simple.
I will file a complaint with the
sheriff, demanding that they stop.
My pa...
He taught me how
to complain like a man.
But you're a cowgirl.
That's not possible.
They won't listen!
I've tried and tried! Shh.
It's a new day.
We are no longer the childbearing
burdens that we once were.
Oh, miss.
You are bright
like the morning sun.
And cut!
London, that was just darling.
Oh, Rudy, you have
inspired me so much.
You have no idea.
London, brilliant.
I'm so impressed.
It was great. You know what?
Let's give you a break while we
set up for the next shot, okay?
Oh, thank you, Hugh.Sure.
Oh, Bobby!
Morning, miss.
Have you seen Tom?
Yeah, he had to go into town
and take care of something.
Do you think you can
take me into town?
I really goofed up yesterday,
and I need to talk to him.
Whatever you need, miss.
Oh, thank you.
Golly. I just need to go
change real quick.
All right, I'll be in the truck.
Haven't got the window fixed yet.
Oh, good morning.
Good morning.
Looking for anything
in particular?
Actually, sir,
we're hoping to show you something.
Oh, very well.
Hmm.
Ta-da!
Very nice.
He's putting on gloves.
That's a good sign.
What do you think?
I think...
therefore I am cer...
What's it worth, dude?
That's what we're getting at.
It's, uh...
It's plastic.
I'm sorry. What?
Plastic. Plastique.
Is that, by chance, a rare diamond
we might not have heard of?
No, just good old plastic.
Like the kind that you get
from the quarter machines.
Quarter machines.
Mm-hmm.
Walter, tell me he's kidding.
Tell her you're kidding.
Okay, you know what I'm thinking?
You wanna do what I'm thinking?
Yup.
Ha-ha! Sorry, little man.
End of the road for you.
Where's the good stuff?
I'm willing to bet this truck
they're gonna be at the jeweler's.
Well, there's
their car, Tom. Look!
Wait a minute.
It's worth something to
you now, isn't it, little man?
Leave him alone, Walter.
Let's get out of here!
It looks good on ya!
Hey! Oh, not this guy again!
Listen here, Buckwheat.
We don't have
your necklace anymore.
You want it,
go in there and get it.
You guys aren't going anywhere.
Come on, cabbage patch.
You seem like a nice kid.
You don't wanna get involved
in this. Where's the necklace?
There, there! I think
they're up there!
Go up here.
Turn right, turn right!
I didn't wanna have to do
this, but... back off!
Whoa, easy! Back off!
You've got to be kidding me.
That's not a real gun.
And get this dog out of here.
Whoa, easy.
Okay, okay. CJ, get! Go on!
I'm staying right here, Tom.
Oh!
Come on, Latte.
Let's go!
Is that even a real gun?
Back off, corn boy!
One move out of either one of
you and he'll finish you both.
Ready? Let's go! Go!
Go!
We did it!
Stop!
Hey, buddy!
He's still coming.
All right, this way.
This way!
The dog, Walter!
No! Stop!
Bobby, help!
Pull the hay!
Pull the hay!
Pull the hay!
Don't move, you scoundrels!
Put your hands behind your back.
Yeah, I know the drill,
thank you.
What took you so long to get in
the car? We could've been gone.
Look, London, I know
I messed up yesterday.
No, Tom, I'm the one
who messed up yesterday
and the day before that,
and the week before that,
and the months before that,
and the years before that.
I owe you an apology.
I should've never treated you
so badly from the beginning.
I mean, I didn't even know you
and I was already judging you.
I learned a lot
from you yesterday,
and from all of this.
And the fact you came
all the way down here
and tried to get back that
stupid fake necklace for me.
You're a really good guy, Tom.
What do you mean fake? Oh,
the necklace is fake. Rudy told me.
It's fake?
Plastic.
You know,
a wise woman once said,
'People are more important
than possessions.'
Oh, what a relief.
Wanna get out of here?
Yeah. Let's go.
See, this is exactly what I mean.
This is a perfect example.
We don't communicate anymore.
We could be talking right now.
Okay. Fine, Walter.
You wanna communicate?
Yes, I would love that. So would I.
If it wasn't for your stupid plan,
we wouldn't be here right now!
No, no, no, it was your idea
to chase the diamonds.
If it was up to me,
we'd settle down and work the land.
We are not good at working.
We are good at stealing.
And we are barely good
at stealing!
I stole you a good breakfast.
It was good, right?
It was pretty good.
That's good.
I love you.
Okay, I love you.
I think I can
get out of these. Really?
I think I can get out of these.
Hey.
Hey.
Lookin' a little wet there.
Yeah.
Some weather.
So, um...
I guess this is it?
Yeah, yeah. The rest of them
cleared out last night, so...
Yeah.
Look, I was wondering if...
I don't know if you'd be
interested or not, but...
Yeah?
I got this good buddy
out in California,
and he's been asking me
to visit for a while now.
I thought that maybe
now that I know you...
I mean, I'd like that.
Very much.
That's right,
ladies and gentlemen.
You heard it here first.
London Bridges has found love,
and our inside sources say that
wedding bells are on the horizon.
The handsome man in question,
he's not a celebrity.
No, he's a simple man
from the country
who London met on the set of
her movie There Will Be Oil.
He is such a cutie.
I think she looks really happy.
CJ, how come
Nancy O'Dog can talk?
Latte, it's Hollywood
special effects.
They do that on a computer.
London certainly
does look happy.
And from what we hear,
her dog, Latte,
has an enormous crush
on Tom's dog, CJ.
Ha! What do you think?
Are we in for a double wedding?
Where do they come up
with this stuff?
I used to be a huge fan
of this show, but Th...
Oh, Latte...
A true Hollywood ending!
Oh, my.