People Just Do Nothing: Big in Japan (2021) Movie Script

Deep inside
Deep, deep down inside
Deep, deep, deep inside,
deep, deep down inside
- Deep, deep, deep inside
- (heavy dance beat drops)
Deep, deep down inside
- Oh
- Deep, deep, deep inside
Deep, deep down inside
- Oh, oh
- Deep, deep, deep inside
Deep, deep down inside
- Oh
- Deep, deep, deep inside
Deep, deep down inside
- Oh, oh
- Deep, deep, deep inside
Deep, deep down inside
- Oh
- Deep, deep, deep inside
Deep, deep down inside
- Oh, oh
- Deep, deep, deep inside...
GRINDAH: And you're locked in to
the sounds of the legendary...
- BEATS: Yeah.
- ...Kurupt FM.
Hold tight. The phone line crew
inside, yeah?
Phone line number to get you
through once again is
Kurupt FM was one of the biggest
pirate radio stations
in the whole of Brentford, yeah?
- Like...
- Was the only one in Brentford.
Was the only one in Brentford.
That's what I mean.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- So it was the biggest.
- So th-that's... Yeah.
- No, just...
GRINDAH: Hold tight.
The drive time massive.
All the sexy ladies round town.
Sexy ladies!
What made Kurupt FM different is
we always played the same songs.
(birds chirping)
Not a lot of DJs do that.
And that's a confidence thing.
I'll start doing...
- (playing electronic note repeatedly)
- Decoy.
We was the first generation
to be like,
"Enough of the guitars."
- Do you know what I mean?
- BEATS: Yeah.
Enough of that
fucking weird singing.
- Pick up a mic, get some decks and do some real music.
- Yeah.
- GRINDAH: Do you know what I mean?
- BEATS: Golden era.
GRINDAH: You're looking at
'01 to '04, golden era, like.
- Do you know what I mean?
- And when did music get shit?
- 2005.
- Exactly.
"B" stands for brutality
- I said "E"
- "E" stands for the energy
- I said "A"
- "A" stands for Audi
- I said "T"
- Audi TT
- "T"
- Guaranteed
- "T"
- Riding the beat
(beat drops,
dance music continues)
DIRECTOR: And was it
the right time to end Kurupt?
Looking back at it, probably.
Did we want to drag it on?
Well, yes, if I could.
I dragged it on for-for years.
Do you know what I mean?
(sighs) It's lovely, innit?
GRINDAH: Iconic blocks,
you know what I mean?
We were legends within our own
right. Do you know what I mean?
- Self-proclaimed.
- Exactly.
- What, I'm a legend as well?
- Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
If anything, one day,
the music industry will wake up
and realize that Kurupt FM
was the biggest mistake
they ever made.
Facts only.
Deep, deep down inside...
Funny to think
this all used to be mine.
Yeah, man.
Deep inside,
deep, deep down inside
- (echoes): Oh.
- (song ends)
(dogs barking in distance)
Oh, shit.
So why are you living in a van?
One doesn't choose
to live in a van.
Uh, life deals you a set of
cards, and they're all jokers.
As you can see,
I've got everything I need here.
Uh, got the shirts.
If I've got a business meeting,
no problem.
Uh, just put that on there.
Hello, mate. Uh, businessman.
You know, ready for business.
Uh, got towel.
I wouldn't, uh, touch that
right now.
Have I made a lot of money
managing Kurupt FM?
Yes and no.
Actually, just no.
But recently, let's just say
I've been on the phone
- to a record label in Japan, mate.
- (groans)
- (groans)
- Apparently, their music is being used
on a TV show out there.
So it's great to have a second
opportunity, a second shot.
And I will be the best manager
they've ever had in their lives.
(pop music playing quietly
over radio)
Grindah, Grindah.
Where are you?
Wait till I find him, mate.
He's gonna
absolutely shit his ass
when he hears the news.
- Oh, I think I see him.
- (horn honks)
Grindah! Grindah!
- Oh, mate.
- Fuck are you doing here?
- What are you doing?
- Mate.
Don't film this.
Don't film this.
- What is this?
- Japan called me back.
They called me back.
We're gonna get a record deal.
- Like an actual record deal?
- Yes, mate!
Your song is
being used on the telly.
They're actually
flying us out definitely?
Yes, mate. It's happening.
That's fucking cool, man.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, then.
Check this, then, yeah?
- (giggles)
- Fuck the system, bruv.
- Man, quits, like. You get me, yeah?
- (laughing)
This what I fucking think
of Your Majesty and that, yeah?
Fuck them, yeah?
Man, quits, like.
Hey, you just gonna leave
that there? So you've got...
Yeah, I'm above that now, then.
You said we're definitely going,
we definitely got a deal, right?
Yeah, I think so.
- You think so?
- I'm like 80% sure.
- Oh, fuck's sake.
- Sorry.
I might just finish this round,
then, just make sure I get
- this month's pay...
- Yeah, that's smart.
- But then after that, I'm definitely quit, right?
- Yeah.
There it is,
our world-famous track
that Japan's
absolutely obsessed with.
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
Bang, lyrical
blow to the jaw, bang...
Oh, mate. That is mad.
Me and Beats, the main ones.
My best mate Beats alongside.
Yeah. That's DJ Decoy.
He don't really say much,
but he made the track.
They probably think Steve's
disabled though, looking at it.
But check this. Their comments.
Most of it's in Japanese.
I can't even fucking read it.
(stammers) "Bang."
It says "bang" as well.
There are quite a few "bangs."
They're quoting my lyrics
in Japan.
CHABUDDY: Hey, Tony!
You're gonna be a star, mate!
- Yeah.
- (laughs)
You'll be delivering
your own bloody royalty checks
to yourself soon.
No, I won't be
doing this anymore.
- That's the point.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
BEATS (over P.A.): This is
a colleague announcement.
please take your break.
Charnice, please take
your break. Thank you.
I'd recognize
that MC voice anywhere.
- (shushing)
- (laughing)
Beats, you piece of shit!
- (laughing): Fucking hell.
- (laughter)
- Yes, bruv.
- How you doing?
Ah, what are you doing here?
Uh, well,
got some big news, ain't I?
- Yeah, I already told Kevin.
- Oh, well, I wanted to tell him.
- We're definitely going, yeah.
- Yeah, we're going, mate.
It's happening.
It's happening, mate.
- Sold the van. I sold the van.
- (laughs) Sick.
- I've quit my job.
- He's quit his job.
- Wow, fucking hell. That's mad.
- Hey, we're doing it.
- CRAIG: Kevin. - We're doing it.
- It's happening.
- It's happening. It's happening.
- Yeah, mate. - Kevin, Kevin.
Did you call Jeff, yeah?
My son slash boss.
I'm not your son.
Well, stepson,
but same smoky eyes,
so people assume I'm his dad,
which I love.
- So yeah.
- Can you just get back to work?
Uh, I'm a proud dad, Craig.
Craig, what do you think
of your dad's record deal?
Yeah, just get off me and just
go finish your shift, yeah?
- Yeah.
- That's mad.
- Mad, innit?
- Yeah.
Ah, bruv.
When the music industry
come knocking
at your door, like,
you drop everything.
Yeah, yeah, you rush to
that door and you open it.
- And guess who's standing there.
- Who?
Tiny little three-foot
Japanese fella.
No, he's not tiny.
- It's a massive record label...
- A lot of them are.
Yeah, well, and it's a massive
record label and he's saying,
"Oh, I want to sign you lot.
I want to take your lot track,
put it on a TV show and fly you
out to Japan immediately.
Yeah, and-and we say,
"Yeah, definitely,
as long as you lot
pay for flights and hotels."
- Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
- DIRECTOR: They agreed?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
What did you say?
- I said, "Yeah."
- Yeah.
(over P.A.):
I just want to thank everyone
for the past year and a half
of working with me.
I've had the greatest time.
Wilf, Charnice,
- thank you for all your support.
- CRAIG: Kevin, Kevin.
Hey, get off. Get off.
And Kurupt FM
are taking over Japan!
Anyway, see you in a bit, mate.
- CHABUDDY: Nice one, Kevin.
- (bowling pins crash)
- MICHE (calling out): Angel!
- ANGEL: What?
MICHE: Angel, come help Daddy
fold his clothes.
You know he struggles.
Got it. Great.
What are you doing?
Just trying to fit
everything in.
They're gonna get all creased
and you're gonna be upset.
- Angel! We got a plane to catch!
- (groans)
What's the first thing
you guys are gonna do in Japan?
- Uh, what are we gonna do, babe?
- Uh, right...
- Get some good pictures basically, won't we?
- Oh, yeah.
We're just gonna, like,
take in the culture
by getting selfies everywhere.
Beats, you still there?
BEATS (over phone):
Yeah, still here, mate.
- Is Roche there?
- Did that stop...
- MICHE: I see her.
I haven't seen her for ages.
Let me see.
I-I can hear her.
Is Roche coming to Japan
as well?
- No. - Oh, that's sad.
- GRINDAH: It's not sad.
Not everyone wants to go.
- Look, babe.
- GRINDAH: My talent alone
has taken my whole family
to the best city in the world,
- Japan.
- Japan.
Who's that? Robyn?
Hello! It's Uncle Tony!
It's Uncle Tony!
- Oh, she's hiding.
- She's hiding from you.
Yeah, she's a bit scared.
She's not scared.
It's Uncle Tony!
Yeah, record labels don't
normally fly managers out,
so I'll have to sell the Merc.
To four different people.
Whoever gets here first
can have it.
I'll be long gone by then.
(siren wailing in distance)
Gonna miss the Merc.
- DIRECTOR: Is it actually a Merc?
- Yeah.
Bon voyage.
Well, I'm good to go.
So what have you got there?
So we got uppers, downers, uh,
ones to help you sleep.
These ones wake you up.
Um, those are good for anxiety,
which is good
'cause pretty much
all of these create anxiety.
And... yeah.
Now just got to get it all
up my ass and we're good to go.
Yeah, Japan sounds sick
and everything,
but, uh, apparently they've got
a massive drugs problem
over there.
Um, you can't get drugs
All packed for Japan.
So that's something
that I'm having
to take into consideration.
- DIRECTOR: Do you not have a door?
- Huh?
Are you filming?
(jet engine whooshing
in distance)
Here you go, airport. (chuckles)
GRINDAH: Do you know
where the Japan entrance is?
- MAN: Over there, mate.
- Oh, that way.
(P.A. chimes)
(woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A.)
Yeah, once the condoms ran out,
I just started getting
sandwich bags.
- A bit bigger, but you can sort of fold them into...
- Yeah.
STEVES: Just... they still stayed
in all right, to be honest.
That's not Kurupt FM, is it?
Oh. Kurupt FM is back.
Oh, back like we never left,
colder than...
- Everest.
- Yes!
- Coldest mountain in the sea.
- Yeah.
Okay, guys, I've got
the boarding passes.
- You did there?
- I've printed them out.
- Okay.
- Oh, sick, guys.
- Did-did you do something to your hair?
- No.
Um, okay, Deeky, that's for you.
- Anthony Zogra...
- Zografos.
- Yeah, okay. Don't touch it.
- (mumbling)
Don't touch it. Steven Green.
- There we go. Kevin Bates.
- (chuckles)
- There you go. Good to go.
- Yes.
Uh, last but not least...
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, Lady Miche.
Sorry, uh, I didn't know...
I didn't know
that you were coming.
- Uh, they only paid for the boys to come.
- Are you joking?
They-they haven't even paid
for me; I had to pay for myself.
Why the fuck
didn't you tell me earlier?
- MICHE: Yeah.
- Well, I don't know.
- I thought they were just coming to wave us off, friendly.
- No.
- What?
- (sighs)
So, sorry to butt in,
but we are cutting into
- very valuable duty-free time.
- (groans)
- Yeah, no, I know you're excited about duty-free though.
- Yeah.
Tell you what, I can hustle it.
I will negotiate,
and I'll say he needs
his hair and makeup team.
- We'll fly you out.
- Okay, thanks, yeah.
- Yes, duty-free!
- We'll see you in a bit, yeah?
- Yeah.
- BEATS: What even is duty-free?
- GRINDAH: Um, it's this place,
apparently, where they've got
massive Toblerones
and, uh, big packs
of fags and that.
- BEATS: You're joking. Toblerones.
- Yeah.
And you look after mummy
as well.
- GRINDAH: Decoy, come on!
- Yeah. - Yeah? All right.
- GRINDAH: Decoy! Dude!
- I'm just saying bye.
Taking ages with
weird emotional goodbyes.
- Bye. I'll see you guys later, yeah?
- Bye-bye. We'll see you.
- BEATS: Grindah's trying Toblerone.
- Bye, now.
- We're gonna watch.
- Come on, hurry up. - Sorry.
- Love you!
- GRINDAH: Uh, yeah, same!
- Yeah.
- Bye!
- Hello, mate.
- Hi.
- MC Grindah.
- Beg your pardon?
(Grindah stammers)
AGENT: And where are you
traveling to today?
Tokyo. Uh... (stammers)
We just got signed to a music...
you know the... yeah.
Sir. Sir.
Oh, mate. Big risk, big risk.
But you know what?
This is what entrepreneurs do.
We take risks, you know?
I mean, look at me, yeah?
I came to this country in '95
with nothing but five pound
and my brother's passport.
My passport.
My passport.
Where you traveling to today?
- Japan.
- Japan?
And what are you doing
over there?
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
Uh... business. Sorry.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
Good to go.
- CHABUDDY: Oh, thank God.
- Thanks.
The Beloved...
Have you told anyone
about Japan?
Not really.
I've told literally
all my followers.
No one cares
about your Instagram.
The Beloved...
So glamorous, isn't it?
This is mad.
- Breathe in.
- GRINDAH: Seat four, yeah.
- Sorry. Watch.
- Um...
Can you just
chuck that in there?
It's salty.
GRINDAH: Got about 20 Toblerones
in that bag.
- Give that to Decoy.
- We're on our second block.
Mmm, mmm.
Oh, hard.
The Beloved.
- (song ends)
- (sighs): Oh.
Ah, sorry about that.
Oh, fuck.
Not this again.
How do you get off?
(electronic bell chimes)
(sighing heavily)
Oh, God.
- Deeky, guess what.
- What?
I've only gone and done it,
haven't I?
- What have you done?
- (chuckles)
I've joined the mile high club.
You serious?
So naughty. It just happened.
Oh, my heart's still beating.
Feel it.
- Uh, no, no.
- Feel it.
Y-You actually fucked someone?
No, on my own.
Just had a wank, isn't it?
(groans) Mate.
I'm gonna have a nap, yeah?
I'm knackered after that.
Was gushing out.
It was gushing out, mate.
From the pressure.
Came out like
a bloody burst pipe, mate.
(doorbell ringing)
- Miche.
- Can I ask you a massive favor?
So basically I've told
the entire Internet
that I've gone to Japan
with Grindah,
but now it turns out
we weren't included.
Oh, fuck. Sorry.
It's okay though.
I've got a plan.
- All right. Uh...
- Can I just...?
- You got chopsticks?
- What?
Can you bring those in, Angel?
- ROCHE: Give us that one.
- Oh, I'm so tired, you know.
Aren't we going home?
We can't go home.
ROCHE: But why can't you
go home? (chuckles)
- We're supposed to be in Japan.
- One more.
(air rushes loudly)
(people murmuring)
What are you doing, Steve?
Bruv, I need to open the window.
Well, you can't open the window.
No, I'm suffocating.
I need to get off.
Well, you can't get off.
We're on a plane, Steven.
We need to get off it because...
Fuck are you two doing, man?
- What the fuck's going on?
- The plane's shrinking.
Steve's being weird.
I think his wraps have burst.
Bruv, you missed it.
The plane's shrinking,
and, well,
I need to tell the pilot.
No, the plane's normal size,
- What?
- Let's get our heads together.
- Tie this around him.
- 'Cause... Ah, what's that?
- Where are they coming down?
- What?
(people murmuring)
Steve, we just need you
to calm down.
- The government is sedating us.
- Keep talking to me.
Keep talking to me. Yeah.
When you look up in the sky,
you see those lines?
We need to speak to the crew.
I want to speak to the pilot.
It's all right, it's all right.
It's all right.
We're gonna speak to the pilot.
It's all right.
We're gonna speak to the pilot.
- It's all right.
- Steves! No.
No, Steves, no, no, no, don't.
They'll fucking...
STEVES (over P.A.):
Listen, everyone...
- No, no, no, you're not allowed.
- We should tell everyone.
- Come on, Steve.
- They don't know what's happening, do they?
- Shh. - Come on.
- Everybody, get down.
- Yeah. (chuckles)
- Yeah, it's all good.
We're his carers.
It's been compromised.
The plane's been compromised.
I never take
more than I can handle.
That's the key with drugs.
Know your limit
and take exactly that amount.
- Oh, no. No.
- It's all right, mate.
- (grunting)
- Ah, shit.
- (people murmuring, gasping)
- Oh, fuck's sake.
- Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
- We need to get away.
- We need to get away.
- What are you doing?
STEVES: And literally
the only side effects
I've ever had from drugs is
I've got dyslexia
from smoking skunk,
and I got a free laptop
for that.
So, in a way, it was a victory.
- Tie his hands up!
- Why can't anyone see?!
- Shut up, Steve.
- Why can't you see?
Can't take him anywhere.
Japanese music playing)
Uh, look happier, Angel.
- ANGEL: Why?
- Come on. Smile for the camera.
You're in Japan.
You should be happy.
- ANGEL: We're not in Japan.
- Well, eat some noodles, then.
- This is so stupid.
- (camera clicks)
MICHE: If you're gonna look
miserable, then pout at least.
- All right, Miche?
- Oh, yeah, Roche.
Can you get a pic
for us actually?
'Cause I'm struggling a bit
to get one of the two of us.
Do you not think that this is
maybe completely mental?
No, God, no. I need to be there
with, um, Grindah in Japan.
- I'm supporting him.
- But you're not there.
I am on Instagram.
I haven't been to that temple.
God, you could've fooled me.
MICHE (chuckles):
Yeah, exactly.
I'm not doing that.
Well, you are.
'Cause you're in Japan.
No, I'm tired of this.
Kids. (laughs)
They won't do anything.
- They don't want to go to school.
- Yeah.
They don't want to go to Japan.
What do they want?
- Yeah.
- Right. It's the kids that's the problem, innit?
Yeah. Hard work.
All right.
Well, have a lovely,
um, evening.
Oh, thank you.
Or as you say in Japan...
Thank you.
All right.
BEATS: Should we take
his life jacket off?
Great neck support actually.
- Yeah.
- Might get mine out.
You might not be up for this,
but do you want to watch Fast &
Furious at the exact same time?
- Um...
- We can talk about it while it plays.
I'd love nothing more.
Three, two, one.
- Nice.
- Yeah, spot-on.
- Perfectly in sync.
- Exact same time, yeah.
("Dooms Night (Timo Maas Remix)"
by Azzido Da Bass playing)
- I wonder if we're gonna have fans at the airport.
- Yeah.
- Put shades on him.
- What are you doing, mate?
- I want to go home now.
- Come here. - Come on.
- Get your bag on.
- I want to go home now.
Sorry, sir, can I...
sorry, can I take this from you
before you leave, please?
- What is it?
- Uh, I'm sorry.
You can't leave the aircraft
with this on.
(sighs) Smell that.
- Petrol.
- No, it's success.
(all shouting excitedly)
- GRINDAH: Japan City!
- Yay! - Japan!
Look at the Eiffel Tower.
That is mad, innit?
BEATS: Oh, yeah, fuck.
They must have moved it.
Oh, my days. Look how much neon
there is everywhere.
BEATS: Oh, God, whoever does
their electricity...
- Scottish Power, they must be raking it in up here.
- Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Look, mate.
Kurupt FM!
Oh, they was all looking.
They was all looking.
Think I might be sick on myself.
No, open me first.
This is it, boys.
- (Steves groans)
- BEATS: You all right?
These are bellboys.
They're gonna take
our luggage for us.
- Bellboys.
- Huh?
- Do you get it? Bellboys.
- What?
(both laugh)
Oh, my days, bruv.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, look at the view.
Wow, Japan City.
All looks the same,
but it is sick.
- Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.
- Innit?
I need to go toilet.
- Bagsy my bed.
- Bagsy this one.
Bagsy my bed. (laughs)
- You're gonna love it.
- Go. Go.
Oh, didn't realize
they had a staircase here.
Fucking hell, you bastard.
- Do you get it?
- Yeah, let me do one.
- Miming. Miming.
- Let me do one.
Uh, check this, check this,
check this.
What's that?
- Skiing.
- Ski... I'm skiing.
(both laughing)
- Yeah, that's good.
- You can literally do anything.
- Yeah. Oh, I got another one.
- Yeah, go.
Go. Tap in.
- Level three please.
- Yeah.
- Minus three.
- Yeah. (laughs)
Lift! Oh, I should've
thought of that.
(both grunt)
- It's quite comfortable.
- Yeah.
Fucking hell.
- Bruv?
- Yeah.
We finally fucking made it.
I think we have, mate.
("RipGroove" by Double 99
and Top Cat playing)
Check this out. (laughs)
- (laughs)
- Oh, that's insane.
Is this, uh, Pissing Alley?
- What? Huh?
- Pissing Alley.
What, can you just
piss anywhere down here?
- Yeah, basically.
- GRINDAH: What we out here for?
What's it look like
we're out here for?
Do you know what I'm saying?
- We're out here to get a record deal. Look at us.
- Yeah.
Look at that. (laughs)
We're out here
to take over Japan,
- repair their music scene...
- Yeah.
...and show 'em
what Kurupt FM's about.
- Right, exactly.
- Do you know what I'm saying, like?
- (laughs)
- Never do that chick.
- I'd give her one.
- (laughs)
They don't know
what they're in for.
No. Do you know what I mean?
- Lucky bastards.
- Innit?
15 years later,
we're here, mate.
- Madness. Throw your "K" s up.
- Trust me.
- Kurupt FM, the rebirth, like.
- Yeah.
- Trust me.
- Oh, I'm fucking starving, mate, to be fair.
- Yeah, let's get some food.
- You hungry?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, I know a spot. I know a spot.
This way, boys!
Come on!
- Tokyo!
- Fucking hell, this is nuts!
Why is there so many crossings?
- Decoy!
- DECOY: Over here, Steves.
Follow my voice.
Bruv, what are you going, bruv?
You fucking left me
in the middle of the road.
- Do you even know where we are?
- Yeah, Tokyo.
- Go that way.
- Chabzy, I'm starving.
Yes, okay, we'll get ramen.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Mmm.
- GRINDAH: This is soup.
- CHABUDDY: That looks delicious.
- Yeah.
With a brown egg in.
How's that?
- I don't like it.
- Ah, I don't...
Come, boys, this way.
GRINDAH: Be a lot easier to read
if it was in English, innit?
- BEATS: Where are we going?
- CHABUDDY: I don't know, mate.
This place is like
a bloody maze, mate.
- Bro! McD's!
- Oh!
- Fucking McD's!
- Got a McD's here!
I knew it, I knew it!
I knew I was...
I was taking them this way,
so I meant to do that.
Are we really gonna go,
like, McDonald's, like?
Oh, shut up, Decoy. Don't you
dare take this away from me.
Come on, Deeky.
- The golden arches!
- Deeky, come on!
- Bonsai! - Bonsai!
- Bonsai. Bonsai.
- Drink this, Steves.
- (Steves groans)
(song ends)
BEATS: God, it's like
the future, innit?
(Grindah sighs)
CHABUDDY: Salaryman.
Check out these salarywomans.
- It's mad everyone's dressed in suits and that.
- Hello, ladies.
Ah, this is mad, bruv.
Steve? (groans)
- Steves. Look at me.
- (snaps fingers)
You got to concentrate on
not looking like
an absolute mess, yeah?
It's gonna be one of
the most important meetings
- of our lives today, all right? Yeah?
- (takes deep breath)
- Wipe the gak.
- Yeah.
Side of your mouth.
Yeah. And the other side.
Cool. Okay, yeah.
Now you're good. I don't want
to look at him anymore.
- BEATS: Yeah, got it.
- Let's roll. - (claps)
- Wow.
- Wow.
- Fucking hell.
- It's massive.
CHABUDDY: This is it, boys.
Big-time, big-time!
Oh, ariga... Uh, konnichiwa.
Kurupt FM.
- Uh, manager.
- Okay.
Okay, so ticket...
uh, I'll do it, yeah.
- Give to you. No, no, no.
- Oh, a ticket.
- I'll do it, I'll do it. Yeah, take that.
- What's that for?
Take that. You give to me
and I'll give to them. Go.
(speaks Japanese)
- That's the lift?
- Oh, my God.
- Fucking hell.
- Massive.
- Wow.
- Fucking hell.
Yeah, pretty high up, boys.
- What a view.
- Gotham City shit.
Stevie, keep it together, mate.
Keep it together.
All right, just act...
I'll follow your lead.
- Hello. - Konnichiwa.
- All right.
Oh, wow, that's finally
the respect we deserve.
Love that. Loving all that.
Cheers. Oh, sorry.
(speaks Japanese quietly)
He says
you don't need to do that.
All good. We insist.
Yeah, we heard you lot
get weird about it, so...
What are you doing?
Steves, look-it, stop.
Not the socks.
Sorry, I'm just, uh,
very excited to be here.
- What a place you've got here.
- BEATS: Yeah.
- Good lumbar on these as well.
- Oh, God, yeah.
Well, um, you guys can
call me Taka, A&R manager.
We're really excited
to have you here.
And this is Miki,
who I've organized to be
- your translator and fixer.
- Great.
Fixer? (chuckles)
Well, if you wanted a fixer,
I would've brought
my bloody tool belt.
Oh, sorry, I'm Chabuddy G.
I'm the boys' manager
of Kurupt FM.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
We weren't expecting you, so...
No, no, I paid for myself. Yeah.
- Should I get some more chairs?
- Oh, no, no, it's totally fine.
I can, uh, free roam.
I can hot desk.
- Sure?
- Yeah, he's fine. It's...
(Kaito speaking Japanese)
First of all, on behalf of
- Global Business Development...
- I think he's speaking.
MIKI: ...we'd like to formally
welcome you to Japan.
Okay, are you saying
the same thing he's saying
- or is that to...
- Yeah.
Oh, okay. And first of all,
we would like to...
- (Miki translating in Japanese)
- To him, yeah?
- Yes.
- ...formally accept your invitation to your country
and show you a little bit
of what we have to offer.
- (Miki translating in Japanese)
- (sighs)
- Let's just start with the "ays."
- Yeah.
- (pounding rhythmically)
- Hey
(Jamaican accent): Deppon the
mic, me have to kick on riddim
(shouts in Patois) MC Grindah
pon the mix anna blend
(shouts in Patois) DJ Beat,
him me right-hand friend
Bust microphone
just like a automatic skeng!
(imitating automatic gunfire)
- (imitates gunshot, explosion)
- TAKA: Okay.
Ragga rap.
- Wow!
- (speaks Japanese)
Uh, do you want
to translate that for them?
- Uh...
- I'm not sure I can.
- (chuckles) Too deep to translate.
- GRINDAH: Yeah.
Thanks again for coming.
So obviously people know
your track from the TV show.
(host and crowd chanting
in Japanese over TV)
(host and crowd shout
in Japanese)
- (host speaking Japanese)
- (crowd cheering)
- (laughing)
- (host shouting)
Fucking hell, yeah.
This is great, right?
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw...
(host speaking Japanese
- (Grindah laughing)
- BEATS: Really?
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw...
DIRECTOR: So what do you think
of the game show?
The game show is weird, innit?
Do you know what I'm saying?
BEATS: I wouldn't say
we like the game show,
but, like, it's what they do
out here, so...
It's what they... it's culture.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, who am I to judge?
Do you know what I'm saying?
If you want to dress up
in a pink leotard
and start dancing around
dressed as a strawberry
listening to my track,
that's up to you.
It's like when you hear
a drum and bass tune
in an advert.
- BEATS: Yeah.
- GRINDAH: And that drum and bass tune wasn't made
for the new Fiat Punto.
- No, it wasn't.
- Do you know what I mean?
It was made for ten white bros
with dreadlocks in a squat rave.
(host screaming)
Yeah, they're nuts out here.
- Mental.
- TAKA: This TV show
is massive in Japan,
so basically everyone in Japan
knows your track.
So what we want to do now
is to put...
- Please, uh, excuse me.
- Are you...
- Um...
- I was...
I'm just gonna go toilet...
- Steves, this is the best bit.
- TAKA: Uh...
- STEVES: It's just a...
- MIKI: I'll show you where it is.
Thank you. It's just a piss,
so I won't take long.
- Thanks. - Thank you.
- TAKA: Back to it. Um...
- Looks like a Calvin Klein advert.
- Yeah, it does as well.
Yeah. I love you guys, and I
think there's great potential.
We look fucking great
in black and white, mate.
Okay, so, um...
(water running)
(Steves screams)
What the fuck are you doing?
This... the toilet sprayed me.
- Sprayed water.
- Oh.
Does it look like
I pissed myself?
Yes, a little bit.
I actually haven't this time.
This time?
- I mean, some...
- (laughs)
- You are funny. (laughs)
- Yeah, no. (chuckles)
I was joking about that.
- Um...
- Uh, there's a dryer in the toilet.
- Can you pull the pants?
- And then take...
- Pull-pull pants down?
- (air blowing)
No, no, no, no.
Just pull th-this area.
TAKA: I've developed
a plan for you guys.
Some promo work
with TV shows and radio,
and then a big concert
to introduce you
to your Japanese fans.
- Yes! Yeah.
- Fireworks as well.
I've developed a plan,
uh, for you guys as well.
Um, I think
we'll do some promo work,
then big concert
to introduce you
to the Japanese fans.
Yes, what do you think?
- Yes, I agree with that.
- Yeah? Yeah.
- It seems he is their manager.
- TAKA: Great idea. Uh... (clears throat)
Hi. Manager.
- The manager.
- Yeah, manager, manager.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I didn't know he was coming.
I'll sort it later.
- Just get right in there.
- (air blowing)
- Okay, oh.
- (grunting)
You can... you can
put on my shoulder.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
How many tracks do you have?
Ballpark is, uh,
- about two...
- TAKA: Two...
I mean... (exhales)
I mean, two, three.
- Do you know what I mean? At least.
- BEATS: Max.
Yeah, at least max.
- So, you know.
- TAKA: Two.
GRINDAH: So, I mean, that's
how potent our tracks are.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- And-and they've lasted that test...
- Beats.
- Timeless. - Yeah?
- Why you showing me your crotch?
CHABUDDY: I mean, Leonardo
da Vinci only did one painting.
- Think about it.
- GRINDAH: Yeah.
Um, so, um, Miki will
look after you guys...
And I'll look after you.
Obviously I'm here as well.
Whatever you guys need,
just ask.
Yes. Uh, can we get weed?
Steves, come on.
- MIKI: No.
- GRINDAH: Don't lower the tone.
Enough of the foreplay.
Let's get down... to business.
We want 10,000 Japanese yen,
up front, in cash, each.
- GRINDAH: Yeah.
- 10,000 yen?
But that's just like
70 quid, right?
What do you mean it's like...
Oh, well, not that, then.
Not-not that.
- Guys.
- Yeah.
We wanted to talk to you
about the money side
of things as well.
Um, did the TV show
never contact you
about the rights to the song?
- No.
- No.
- Haven't got anything. Yeah.
- No.
Actually, they did
contact me, um,
but the thing is
I've had to actually
completely delete
my email address
'cause I'm in the process
of being, uh, blackmailed
- at the moment.
- Oh.
Why would they blackmail you?
Well, they said they've got
footage of me wanking
through the webcam,
and they're gonna upload...
Chabzy, bruv,
that's just a scam.
Yeah, well, then how do they
know I was wanking, Deeky?
Don't translate this bit.
- Uh, we'll-we'll make sure you're looked after.
- Great.
- You're our VIPs.
- Oh.
This concert is
a big opportunity for you guys.
- Where do we sign? Yeah, let's do it.
- (excited chatter)
("Atsumare People"
by XLII and Apollo playing)
- (crowd screaming excitedly)
- Let's get in the queue.
No, we-we don't queue.
Oh, yeah, we don't queue.
- Oh, wow, look, paparazzi.
- Oh.
- Let's do it.
- What are you going for,
screw face or natural?
No, just act completely natural.
(camera clicks)
Who are they?
Nice, huh?
(song continues
with rapping in Japanese)
- This is mad.
- GRINDAH: Check that.
- Massive club, mate, yeah?
- BEATS: It's massive, innit?
- Mad in here, innit?
- Yeah, proper, man.
- Thank you.
- STEVES: Smoky, smoky?
VIPs coming through! (laughs)
Very important people.
- Oh. Chicks, chicks, chicks.
- Chicks, chicks.
- Steve, chicks.
- STEVES: Uh, what do I do?
Tell Decoy.
Oh. Decoy, Decoy. Chicks.
- TAKA: Here we are.
- GRINDAH: Oh, amazing.
This is Shiro. He's another
artist on our label.
- Wagwan, G. Good, yeah?
- Yeah.
Grindah. Grindah.
- What?
- Oh. Hey, cool cap.
- Grindah, ginger hair.
- (laughter)
I didn't know
you had gingers out here.
- Nice.
- My hair?
- Yeah.
- I-I dye.
You... Oh, you choose
to be ginger?
- Wow.
- I choose to be ginger.
- In England, it's the sign of a weaker person.
- Yeah.
- Very, very weak.
- Yeah. Bye.
GRINDAH: Oh, we've got
our own champagne. Beats!
- Oh, here we go.
- (excited shouting)
- Is that brut?
- Oh.
- Dom "Perington."
- (laughter, excited chatter)
Uh, Taka, one for the manager?
- One glass for me?
- Yes.
Where is it? It's coming?
Okay, guys, shall we do a toast?
- Yes, yes. Wait for it.
- Maybe wait for my glass.
Oh, here we go.
- Kurupt FM.
- Wait, wait.
The rest are irrelevant!
- Kanpai.
- Kanpai.
what's your role in Japan?
I've got a lot to do.
Lot of jobs to do, lot of tasks.
Any examples?
I mean, so many things.
I don't even know
where I could start.
I mean, I need to walk around,
talk to people,
make sure everyone's all right.
I need to make sure that,
you know, the-the...
you know,
everything's all right.
- Any specific job?
- I just gave you specific.
Walking around, making sure
everything's all right.
Taka, can I get my glass?
Is my glass coming?
- Yes, it's coming. It's coming.
- It's coming?
CHABUDDY: Why should I give you
my secrets and tips
on how to be
a successful manager?
You know what I mean?
I'm smart.
'Cause then you could just
become the manager.
Taka could become, like...
He's not the manager, though.
I'm the manager.
Let's get that straight.
Really, tell me what you want,
I'll make it happen.
- Everything. Yep.
- Okay, okay.
Tell me, as well.
Tell me what you want,
and I can make it happen,
as well.
Yeah, that's really loud.
I can't hear him.
- Don't hesitate.
- Okay. - Okay.
Weed, anyone?
Anyone... anyone smoke?
Anyone got any fucking weed?
Steve! Steve.
I wanted to give you this
away from Taka
because he doesn't like it.
What's that? Is that a zoot?
That's a zoot.
Yes, it's weed.
- Yes?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God. Yes!
I could literally hug you.
This place is absolutely mental.
- Best club I've ever been to.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Taka.
- (both laughing)
Wait, can you hear that?
MC Grindah...
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, you bastard. You bastard.
- Oh!
One-nil to Taka.
I had no idea.
They're playing our song!
That's what I'm saying
about Kurupt FM.
We can never die. Worldwide!
Do you know what I'm saying?
- Worldwide, bruv!
- Worldwide.
Watch this.
Japan have decided
- that garage is happening.
- BEATS: Yeah.
Me and Beats was always
gonna take over the world.
So, how many people
have you performed to
in the past?
(exhales) I mean, in the past,
we've done about...
- Uh, about...
- We're-we're looking at about...
- 20?
- No. About 200, maybe.
That's MC Grindah. MC Grindah.
I'm the manager.
BEATS: Sometimes we went on
at weird times
when the DJs were changing over.
Yeah, yeah, 20 people
right at that time
when we were MCing,
- but to a 200-cap venue, so...
- Yeah.
- When you put it that way...
- Yeah.
Boys, I got us a bottle.
- I got us a...
- Why is it half empty?
- Uh, I don't know.
- Did you steal that?
No, no, it just came like that.
I just thought it, you know...
- MAN: Hey!
- No. No, no, no.
Come on. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Shit, shit, shit.
Uh, boys, that's on me, yeah?
Uh, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go
back to the hotel.
I'll see you lot in a bit, yeah?
- Get out, boy.
- Huh?
Watch the ponytail, mate.
(indistinct announcement
over speakers)
(Grindah rapping indistinctly)
- Studio, like a studio star.
- MIKI: Morning.
- Studio!
- Bah-bah-bah!
Man's going studio right now.
- Do you know what I'm saying?
- BEATS: Cannot fucking wait.
Hey, you good, yeah?
- STEVES: You all right?
- MIKI: Yeah.
- Jump in. Jump in.
- Studio! (laughs)
- Studio.
- (grunts)
- Studio!
- (groans)
- (horn honks)
- (laughs)
All right, sorry.
- GRINDAH: Studio. (chuckles)
- BEATS: Yeah.
Have you been to studio a lot?
We choose to go to studio
once every couple years,
like, when...
- Yeah.
- 'Cause the type of music we make is, like, timeless.
- Do you know what I mean? Like...
- Yeah.
These two tunes have lasted us
a span of 15 year.
- Yeah.
- Which is good.
Not a lot of people can do that,
not even bands like the Beatles.
- No. Oh, God, no.
- They had to keep making albums.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause it was so dry.
- They had to keep...
- Keep-keep doing new...
- Reinventing themselves.
- Keep trying to find themselves.
Do you know what I mean?
Whereas we already knew that.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- BEATS: Wow.
- STEVES: Studio!
My door first.
Always my door first.
Thank you.
- We're here.
- Ah, studio!
- Yeah, I love studio.
- Studio. Exactly.
Yeah, course he fucking does.
Studio! (laughs)
- Oh, shoes off.
- Oh.
MIKI: No, no, no,
you don't need to do that.
- Oh, okay. - Oh, no?
- MIKI: Yeah. No.
- GRINDAH: What you doing?
- (Miki chuckles)
- MIKI: Studio!
- GRINDAH: Uh...
Hey, guys. Welcome.
- GRINDAH: Mm...
- Huh?
- Come on in.
- Sorry, um...
I-I think there's been a mix-up.
This is a fucking dance studio.
I thought we was
doing beats today.
- I'm wearing jeans.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
Guys, guys, this is Hiroto.
He will be teaching you
the dance routine.
He's also a huge fan, though.
We don't really do
dance routines,
- so this is...
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Okay, shall we just show you,
It's really cool.
We don't have to do this, do we?
No, definitely not.
MC Grindah...
- Bang, ni, san, shi.
- (chuckling)
Bang, ni, san, shi.
Bang, ni, san, shi.
People love this dance always.
This punch is from the show.
Bang, ni, san, shi.
Guriguri, guriguri, guriguri.
It's nice, right?
Leaving every MC
down on the floor...
His nipple's poking out.
Yeah, I just saw that, as well.
No, stop, stop, stop. That's...
We-we can't do that.
That's not what
Kurupt FM's about.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Sorry. I'm...
Can I talk to you for a moment,
Grindah-san? (chuckles)
Yes, sensei.
- Karate Kid.
- Yeah.
- TAKA: This way, please.
- (door opens)
Yeah, let's talk out here.
(speaks Japanese)
I know you're the guy that
calls the shots with these boys.
- Am I right?
- Oh, God, yeah.
I mean, I've always been
a natural leader, so...
(chuckles): Yes, I can tell.
You're very clever.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- You get how the music industry works.
Dancing is what
will make you big out here.
This is the stage
that you're gonna be
performing on
in a few days' time.
- Oh, my days. That is nuts.
- Right?
Yeah, no, I can see myself
there now.
- Look. It's me.
- Yeah, exactly.
- He's got a cap on, innit?
- Isn't it exciting?
- And all these people...
- Yeah.
- ...going crazy only for you.
- Oh, my God. Yeah.
What do you want to do?
Just stand there
MCing at people.
- Stand there?
- Yeah.
In front of thousands of people?
How will they react
if you're just standing there?
BEATS: Grindah's probably
going mental at him.
- DECOY: Yeah, man.
- (sniffs)
You're officially my favorite
person in Japan ever.
You're okay, too.
For a gaijin.
(both chuckling)
What does that mean?
That something to do with ganja?
No. A foreigner, like an alien.
- Oh. Alien?
- Yeah.
- I've been abducted by aliens.
- (laughs)
A different sort of alien.
Oh. Mine were Greys,
if you know about them.
- Is it true?
- Yeah, yeah.
Uh, uh, sorry, man.
I'm just a bit fucking nervous
thinking about it, bruv.
- That's mad.
- This is exciting.
- Yeah, yeah. Proper. Proper.
- This is a really exciting time
- for you, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I hope I can do it, because...
You can, you can,
because you have natural rhythm.
- Fuck. We got to get ready.
- All right. Let's do it.
No, we've got to get
on top of this.
Look. You see that there?
- Yeah. There's a scar here.
- It's a little scar, yeah.
So that's where
I picked out a, uh...
Well, I tried to pick out, like,
a chip that they put in my neck.
Yeah, you're special.
(Steves chuckles)
- Yeah, I suppose.
- Yeah, chosen.
Right, boys, uh,
we're gonna give it a go.
Um, basically, it's
music industry sort of shit,
so we just got to give the fans
what they want.
I don't know. Can I just be,
like, a DJ at the back?
Yeah, could I be
a DJ at the back as, well?
No one's being a DJ at the back,
all right, yeah?
We're doing the dance,
end of, all right?
It's just what people do
out here.
If you don't agree with it,
you're basically being racist,
all right?
- STEVES: Yeah, I don't want to be racist.
- Good.
It's gonna be hard for me
'cause I got jeans on.
Yeah, well, you're gonna
have to take 'em off.
Come on.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Take your jeans off. Come on.
(Beats sighs)
Trust me, you're gonna thank me.
We're gonna be playing
to thousands of people
on a massive stage.
Pretty lonely without the boys.
Apparently, I'm not needed.
The manager.
Can you believe it?
You know what it is, yeah?
Taka's trying to push me out.
"Oh, don't worry about coming.
We've got it all sorted."
Listen, Taka is not
on my level, yeah?
I'm like bloody Simon Cowell.
I'm a showman.
I used to run a titty bar
back in Hounslow, yeah,
back in the '90s.
And I turned that place around,
you know?
Mercedes, she was one
of our top strippers, yeah?
She was 62, yeah?
Caesarean scar, fake teeth.
She was busy all night long.
And who did that? I did that.
I turned that place around.
I'll tell you what, yeah,
if Taka doesn't
take me seriously, yeah,
then he's gonna make himself
a very, very dangerous enemy.
(Hiroto speaking Japanese)
- MIKI: He will help you.
- Iku yo.
Ichi, ni,
- san, shi.
- Yeah, okay.
That-that's really close
to my arse.
- Ichi, ni, san, shi.
- Yeah.
- (speaks Japanese)
- I can sort of feel it.
- Okay.
- Ichi, ni, san, shi.
Ichi, ni...
(speaking Japanese)
Man in my neighborhood
I feel good, good, good
I feel good,
yes, wonderful, good
Any time I come
and have a dance
Have a listen to the man
Selecta! I feel good...
GRINDAH: So this definitely
looks good, yeah?
Very good.
It feels a bit mad,
but no, I trust you.
TAKA: This is what
the people want to see.
Can you MC and dance
- at the same time? Uh...
- I didn't think you could.
- BEATS: But we're still working it out.
Yeah. But you can,
because you can have headsets.
(Hiroto speaking Japanese)
DIRECTOR: So you're excited
about playing the gig?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, I'm excited about the gig.
It's just all this
sort of mad shit around it
- that's a bit weird, innit?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Like, uh, all the dancing.
- Yeah.
Yeah, but it's got to
be done, innit?
Yeah, well, I mean,
a lot of people don't do it,
- but it seems to be a thing out here.
- Yeah, well...
GRINDAH: One, two, three, four.
One, two, three...
And then we go forward.
One, two...
Just concentrate on the hips.
One, two, three, four.
One, two... Nice.
- Four. One, two...
- (insistent knocking)
Can we go karaoke later?
- Konnichiwa, bitches!
- GRINDAH: Wh-what...
- Surprise! Aw.
- (Grindah chuckles)
Oh, you can see Japan
out the window.
- So cool. (gasps) I love it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's...
- You flew her out?
- No, no, I didn't fly her out.
I didn't... I didn't know.
I-I bought a ticket.
Oh, wow. Where did you get
the money from?
Oh, Roche lent me some. Yeah.
She said I should come out,
or otherwise we'd all go
completely insane.
- Uh, uh...
- The best surprise ever!
Well, it's definitely
a surprise.
- Oh, man, man. That's...
- Oh! It's crazy.
Are we still sharing a room,
or am I gonna have to move?
Uh, hmm.
Wh-What did you think?
Did you have a...?
Oh, obviously, I was gonna
stay in here with you.
- Yeah? No, okay. Yeah, no.
- Yeah.
Of course. Yeah, just...
Yeah, probably. Yeah.
Shall I just get
your key card now, then? Just...
Well, we don't
have to do it now.
- How are you, then, bubby?
- Yeah.
Tell me all about Japan.
I love it from up here.
You do need to be there
to support your partner.
You know, it's important,
even if they say
they don't want you there.
Yeah, I know. Me, too.
I'm knackered,
but I'm gonna keep going.
'Cause I was reading about
jet lag, and I was like,
- you stay awake, then it's fine.
- Yeah.
You know, it's about me
making sure Grindah's okay.
Has he eaten enough?
Has he eaten too much?
You know, is he tired?
Is he happy? Is he sad?
And, you know,
I suppose, in return,
that gives my life some purpose.
'Cause I'd love another baby,
but until then, I've got him.
- See you later.
- GRINDAH: You good?
Yeah, I'm good.
What shall we do
about the room service?
Oh, she can have it.
The honeymoon suite.
All right? What you saying?
Yeah, good, man. You all right?
- CHABUDDY: Kevin.
- DECOY: What you doing?
Oh, it stinks in here, man.
What's happening?
Yes, bruv.
So, I'm in here now.
Where can I sleep?
Oh, tell you what,
you can have it.
Oh, no, let me just
clear it up for you.
Sorry, I just had
a bit of a cold, basically.
So, yeah, just go for it, man.
It's all yours.
Beats, does it smell of skunk?
(birds chirping)
Did they straighten your hair,
as well?
It feels really weird
without the hat.
Hi, Steves.
(speaking Japanese)
- TAKA: Good. That's good.
- GRINDAH: Yeah. Good, yeah?
- Sweet. Okay.
- Okay, let's go.
- Can I get my hat?
- Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes.
I'm not sure about this, mate.
It's a bit...
It's not really Kurupt FM.
- (clears throat) Let's go.
- What the fuck does that mean?
- TAKA: Let's go.
- GRINDAH: Here we go.
- Signature fringe.
- TAKA: Come on, boys.
That's spot-on.
Like that?
Um, no, a bit more front.
- Nice.
- (camera clicking)
Well, Grindah... just-just
Grindah, uh, step forward.
- Just Grindah?
- Okay. Yeah, yeah.
And, boys, let's step back.
Me, like,
back here a little bit?
- Nice.
- Bubby, remember your angles, yeah?
- Your chin's coming out.
- Oh. Yeah, okay.
And, Beats, step back, please.
- BEATS: Oh, with... Yeah? Okay.
- Oh, beautiful.
I just want to make sure
we're definitely in shot.
Yes. Yes.
Definitely getting us
back there, yeah?
Yes. Okay.
Let's put them even further
- WOMAN: More back.
- MAN: More back.
- STEVES: More back.
- More back? Hmm.
Well, maybe ten steps back.
- Ten?
- TAKA: Ten.
Something like that,
just leaning?
Oh, Grindah, that looks amazing.
STEVES: Feel like I'm in
quite an unnatural position.
(camera clicks)
- Hi. Hi.
- (speaks Japanese)
What does Taka wear?
I read a lot of literature.
And one book that I-I love
is Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Don't know if you've read of it.
But in there,
he basically says that
in order to defeat your enemy,
you first must know your enemy,
become your enemy.
Oh, it's a bit tight.
- Oh, shit.
- (speaking Japanese)
Sorry. Yeah, sorry,
it's a bit tight.
Just get... It's too small.
Sorry, get... get it off me.
- CLERK: Slowly, slowly.
- CHABUDDY: Pull. (yells)
- Oh.
- (sighs): Oh, God.
I nearly had
a panic attack then.
Oh, benchod.
Are you jealous, then?
I'm not jealous of Taka.
What's to be jealous of?
Like, yeah, okay, sure,
he's, you know, young,
good-looking, handsome.
He smells amazing.
Like, really good.
But what's to be
jealous of, mate?
- No. No. No.
- No. No.
- Yeah, probably...
- No.
- ...this one.
- (grunts)
Too fat.
I'm not jealous!
Look at this,
look at this 'stache.
He can't grow this if
his bloody life depended on it.
Got pubes on his face, mate.
- Taka.
- (speaks Japanese)
Too fat.
All right, you've said that.
Stop saying that.
(speaks Japanese)
All right, then get me that one.
Grindah, Grindah,
- maybe bow to the lens.
- GRINDAH: Mm-hmm. Okay.
But, uh, Grindah,
look at the lens.
- Okay.
- And, guys, uh, look at the ground.
I don't know, mate.
Can I try one where I look
at the lens as well?
Just to see what it looks like.
Okay, we can, we can
have a go at it.
- Okay, let's do it.
- Okay, you ready?
- Okay, start again, then? On three.
- Start again?
- Okay.
- Three.
- (camera clicking)
- TAKA: It doesn't work.
Okay, thank you.
Are you guys a boy band now?
GRINDAH: Well, not really
a boy band as per se, but...
It's going that way, though.
No, it's not going that way.
What is a boy band?
- Was Heartless Crew a boy band?
- BEATS: No.
Think about it.
It's a group of boys
that are in a... like, a band.
- Something like this?
- So we're together?
- Yeah, like...
- TAKA: Um, actually,
- let's do individual ones.
- Okay. - Okay.
Uh, just me. Cheers.
I declare war, Taka!
Have you told him that?
No, I haven't told him that yet.
But when I see him,
I'm declaring war.
Lovely to meet you, Taka.
He doesn't really know
there's a war going on,
but I know
there's a war going on.
So I'm ten steps ahead. Chess.
And guess what, Taka.
Checkmate, mate.
Hey, Taka, remember me?
- I'm Chabuddy G, the manager!
- (loud thump)
Sorry. Sorry.
- Ah, yes, lovely.
- (camera clicking)
One more. One more.
Yes, we got it!
I think we're done.
- Oh, sick.
- MICHE: Well done, bubby. (chuckles)
- TAKA: Thank you so much.
- Where do you want me?
- Just like... here?
- TAKA: Huh?
Uh, we ran out of time. Um...
I thought you said
it was individual shots.
Yes, um, but, um...
While they're just here,
maybe one?
- Maybe a couple? I don't know.
- Yeah, but we got some...
Okay, well, just take one.
- Just take one.
- TAKA: Okay.
- (camera clicks)
- Done.
We, uh, still on
for dinner later?
- TAKA: You know it, brother.
- (chuckles)
- BEATS: What?
- TAKA: Let's go.
STEVES: But I thought he said
we were all going karaoke.
The-the things I learned today,
the different
sort of looks I could do.
- Yeah. Very versatile, though.
- Yeah.
Innit, boys? It was good fun
for Kurupt FM first photo
shoot out in Tokyo, innit?
- Oh...
- Yeah.
Oh, Beats,
you're not still being salty
because he was doing
more of me than you?
I feel like an idiot.
Beats, if you feel like
an idiot,
you will look like an idiot.
So, at the moment, you look like
a fucking idiot. Well done.
Do you not feel like an idiot?
Well, no, 'cause I'm wearing it
with confidence.
Do you know what I mean?
Like an admiral.
Well, I don't think
anyone pulls off
this admiral look,
to be honest, like.
- MICHE: Um... - GRINDAH: Oh, really?
- We're a garage crew.
- GRINDAH: Oh, oh, thanks, mate.
- We're not, we're not...
- A garage?
- We don't work on a boat.
Oh, that's funny,
'cause where did pirate radio
come from, then?
- On pirate ships back in the day, bruv.
- Yeah.
Think about it.
This all makes sense, bruv.
He's looked into
the history of it.
You're not thinking about that.
The original pirate radio, yeah,
was on a ship, yeah?
Pirates on boats, yeah?
I am the captain of our ship.
Why did we straighten
our hair, though?
Yeah. Pirates don't have
hair like this.
I look like fucking Leslie
from EastEnders.
("My Love (10 Degrees Below
Vocal Remix)" by Kele Le Roc)
GRINDAH: Do you reckon, uh, it's
a bit much, what you're wearing?
MICHE: No, I googled "What do
Japanese women wear to dinner?"
and this came up.
Taka! You all right? Oh.
Forgot about the old shoes.
- Is she okay?
- Yes, she's fine. She...
- MICHE: Does she need to do that?
- ICHIKA: No... Yes.
Oh, my God.
- GRINDAH: This is mad, innit?
- Fucking hell.
- I've never seen anything like this.
- (chuckles) - Yeah.
- Please, have a seat.
- So, just, yeah, have a seat.
That's mad. Just on the floor?
(chuckles) No one look.
(Grindah and Miche sigh)
Look, origami. That's so cool.
Yes, I can make it...
Oh, and then
it becomes a napkin.
So good
My love...
- So good...
- (song fades)
- Hi, Steves.
- Fucking hell. This place is nuts.
(both laugh)
I normally just pick up
from Decoy's uncle's car.
Just doing it here?
Are you in a rush?
Do you want a drink?
Uh, oh, what,
just sit and have a drink?
- Pretend we're normal people?
- (laughs)
- Yeah, we can try.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Cheers. (chuckles)
- Cheers.
How-how long shall we...?
We... I suppose we finish
the beers at least, yeah?
- And-and then that's her performing.
- Wow.
- GRINDAH: Yeah.
- MICHE: So, she does a bit of singing.
- Wow. - Sort of a professional dancer.
- Does it all.
- Are you her father?
- GRINDAH: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- But...
- I know what you're thinking actually.
She's a little bit darker
than I am,
but that's because
I'm a quarter Cypriot,
so she's got
the, uh, lovely coloring.
MICHE: Yeah, uh,
and when I was pregnant,
I used a lot of fake tan,
um, on my skin,
and then it seeped through
just into my womb.
But, uh, who-who is
the man in the photo?
That is, uh... that's just Decoy.
Yeah, no, he, um...
he's just a family friend.
Yeah, he's got nothing
to do with it, so...
Oh, hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.
What have I missed?
You all right, Chabuddy?
- Yeah.
- Why are you here?
Why are you dressed like that
and barefoot as well?
Well, this is what I'm wearing.
This is what managers wear.
I'm your manager,
aren't I? So...
- Nice Kindle.
- Yeah?
It's cheaper than
your iPad, mate.
Bruv, what you doing here, man?
We're fucking having a meal.
- I'm supposed to be your manager.
- Yeah, supposed to be.
You can't do everything
without me.
We seem to be doing okay, right?
I wasn't talking to you, Taka.
I'm talking to my artist.
Come on. I mean,
what-what are you saying?
That y-you basically...
you don't need me?
What have you done
since you've come out here?
You've just followed us
and done fuck all as usual.
I-I get it. No, I get it.
It's like that, yeah?
So I might as well just go home.
Huh? Shall I go home, Tony?
- (mutters)
- How long have I known you for, man?
Been through so much.
Okay, just think.
I'm giving you ultimatum.
It's me or Taka.
GRINDAH (quietly):
it's up to you.
It's not my game, is it?
Okay, I'm going now.
This is me going home.
- (Ichika chuckles)
- TAKA: Wow.
MICHE: So, is that tea in there?
Is that see-through tea?
- No, no, it's sake.
- No, no, sake.
Okay, look, that didn't go
exactly as I planned.
Um, just to be clear,
did I just fire myself?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I think that's what happened.
That was also my understanding.
Okay, just checking.
- Back home, I have a weed farm.
- Yes?
- I grow my own cannabis.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm a cannabis, uh, expert...
- You-you have a farm?
...I would say. Yeah.
You're-you're a DJ?
- Yeah.
- And a farmer?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You do a lot.
- Yeah.
- You're a hard worker.
Yeah, very...
- I mean, for me...
- Wow.
...for me, it's very easy.
DIRECTOR: Have you ever
had a girlfriend?
I do look at people who, like,
are in, like, relationships
and that,
and I sometimes think,
"What am I doing
that's so different to them?"
- Thank you.
- Arigato.
STEVES: And then I think
it's probably just
that I don't
leave the house ever.
Fucking hell. Watch the doorway.
Oh, you don't need to.
And that I sleep on the floor
and don't wash that much.
Apart from that, though,
it's like,
"What do you want from me?"
Okay, well, you have my number.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
I'll just, uh, yeah...
- Yeah, okay.
- ...shout you or whatever.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, o... yeah.
- All right, yeah. (chuckles)
- Yeah, all right.
- Good night.
- Night.
Miki, come back!
I need to say something.
- I forgot to get the weed off you.
- (laughs): Yeah, I forgot.
- I know.
- (laughing)
The point of the drinks.
Whole thing would've been
completely pointless.
- (chuckles)
- Um, yeah.
Well, it was still fun.
- Shall we...?
- Yeah.
Uh, let's go over there.
- Over there? Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
That's a bit bait, innit?
All right? There you go.
See... all right, see you later.
Drug dealers are mad out here,
innit? So elaborate.
Me and Alfie Danger literally
never been for a drink once.
(Taka chuckles)
Shall we try it
and see if it's...?
Let's see.
- Good?
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, it tastes normal. Tastes normal.
- (laughs)
Now, Grindah-san,
one thing I wanted to run by you
is the name change.
Mm. Yeah.
For what? What-what name change?
We're a bit worried people will
find the name
Kurupt FM confusing.
You're not a radio station now.
You want to be
a successful music act.
- Right?
- Uh, yeah, but... - Yeah.
So we're gonna be looking
at rethinking the name
to something
a bit more relevant.
We're thinking Bang Boys.
- Bang Boys?
- TAKA: Bang Boys.
- Bang Boys.
- Bang Boys?
People have already
started calling you
the Bang Boys.
I haven't heard that.
TAKA: "Oh, my God,
it's the Bang Boys."
- Really?
- Yeah. "Where's the Bang Boys?"
See? So we're really
just doing it for the fans.
It's all about as many people
knowing who you are
- as possible, right?
- Yeah.
TAKA: The audience will love it.
Trust me.
MICHE: Bubby, are you feeling
a bit nervous?
GRINDAH: No, I'm not nervous.
I'm excited if anything.
First time on telly,
innit, boys?
It's not my first time.
I-I was on Live & Kicking.
Wait, what-what is it
we're doing?
Look, promo is very important.
And one of the main things
about promo
is doing things you wouldn't
really usually want to do.
- MIKI: Yeah.
- GRINDAH: Nice, innit, Beats?
- BEATS: What? Yeah, it's weird.
- (Miki speaking Japanese)
Fucking hell, this is pink.
Who'd have thought it, innit?
STEVES: Yeah, I would never
have thought this.
If we do do well,
like, Taka said
he's gonna hook us up
with one of the biggest artists
in Japan.
- Oh, yeah, exactly, yeah.
- So...
- And probably sort of grime or... reggae artist.
- Reggae.
- Yeah.
- Do you know what I mean?
And maybe doing, like, a, like,
a double album or something.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Sort of like, um,
Shaggy and Sting.
- That's a great album.
- Really good.
- Mad.
- Look how they're dressed.
You all right?
(Miki speaking Japanese)
Massive. GM probably.
"Bang Boys."
- Yeah, that's our new name now.
- What's that?
- What?
- It's only a name. I'll talk to you about it later.
- Bang Boys?
- Yes, Bang Boys. What?
What do you mean
that's our new name?
It's our new name just for now.
We can change it back
to Kurupt FM when we're ready.
- Taka... look...
- Wait, hold on.
That's a big change,
Bang Boys from Kurupt FM.
- STEVES: Bang Boys?
- Yeah. - Yeah, Bang Boys.
Yeah, yeah, no, it's 'cause of
the "bang" song, innit?
- Bang Boys.
- What?
It's not a big deal.
It's just what they...
- Bang B...
- It's what you translate our name out here.
- Yeah.
- Do you know what I mean? So...
- Bang Boys?
- It's just...
- It's easier for them.
- Yes, Bang Boys.
What's wrong with Kurupt FM?
It sounds like a pirate
radio station, and, uh...
- Yeah, well, that's what we are.
- No.
Yeah, but we're not anymore.
That's the point.
There's no bands that sound
like radio stations, are there?
Yeah, but there's no bands
that sound like
a pedophile ring either.
Yeah, it doesn't sound like
a pedophile ring.
It sounds like
we bang people in the face.
So we're going with Bang Boys.
Okay, these are your outfits.
- There you are.
- For fuck's sake.
- Can't we just wear our own stuff?
- There you are.
- There you are.
- GRINDAH: It's called promo, mate.
If you can't handle the fame,
then get out the kitchen.
- There you are.
- What?
Fucking Taka.
Thinks he can come over here
and shit on my plate, yeah?
Fucking benchod.
Thinks he's won the war, yeah?
Well, guess who's still paying
for my drinks, mate.
Double whisky on the rocks.
Hold the ice.
And I'll tell you what,
get yourself one as well.
It's on me, Taka.
Who else wants one, huh?
Boys, you want a drink?
(speaks Japanese)
Come on, let me get you a drink.
It's on me, Taka.
Come on!
MICHE: Aw, look at you lot.
You look so cute.
All your little bottoms
walking along.
I've never seen
so much of you all.
(clears throat)
Aw, cute bum.
We're actually doing it.
- Beats.
- Yeah.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
- Sure?
- Yeah.
It'll be done soon, and then...
Do you know what I mean?
- I don't think I can do this.
- Oh, great. Here we go.
Stop being selfish.
It's not about you.
Just, uh, w-with the swimming...
- I'm not sure if I can swim.
- Yeah, we're not doing this.
- Me and Steves aren't doing it.
- Oh...
Yo, I'm out, too, man.
What the fuck
are we even doing here?
This ain't
what Kurupt FM's about.
This is bigger than Kurupt FM,
bruv. Look at it.
What? Nothing's bigger than
Kurupt FM. You used to say that.
Yeah? And you used
to work in Megabowl.
Yeah? Well, I'd rather
work in Megabowl
than be a fucking Bang Boy.
So why don't you and Taka
be the Bang Boys
since he loves you so much?
N-No. I'd just do it
on my own, yeah?
I'd be called the Bang Boy.
Or, uh, MC Grindah,
brackets, Solo Project.
How's about that? Yeah?
- Hold me back, bruv. Hold me back.
- Hmm?
You're fucking lucky
Decoy's holding me back, bruv.
I swear down.
He's-he's not even touching you.
Oh, is he not?
He's not touching me?
- No.
- Okay. All right, then. Cool.
- What you doing? What you doing?
- He's not touching me. No, no.
- No, you want me in your face, do you? Huh? Huh?
- Yeah.
- Not really. Not really.
- Oh, you want me, yeah? What?
Oh, you want me off the leash?
You want me off the leash? Okay.
- Yeah, well, go off the leash.
- Now see-see what happens then.
- Go off the fucking leash.
- Fucking see what happens.
Go off the leash. I'm ready.
- Oh, my God.
- My jaw's clenched ready for impact, bruv.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm ready for fucking impact.
I beg you, I beg you,
try something now.
- Yeah? I'm waiting for you.
- I beg you... No, go on.
- Free hit. Free hit.
- I'm waiting for you.
Oh, I'm waiting for it.
- Come on, boy, hit me. Hit me.
- Yeah.
- I'd love to.
- Go on, sweetheart.
- I'd fucking love to.
- Go, sweetheart.
- What you doing?
- Fuck you doing?!
- What are you fucking doing?
- Boys.
- Don't you dare touch my hat!
- (grunting)
- STEVES: The hat's fine.
- MICHE: Stop it.
- Get off me!
- STEVES: Stop.
- No punching!
- No, don't grab his...
Aah! That's my leg!
I've got you by the balls now.
Got you by the balls now.
No cocks. No cock grabbing.
- Don't you...
- STEVES: Stop it.
Stop it. Stop it.
- Stop it. Stop.
- (both panting)
- BEATS: Say sorry!
- GRINDAH: You say sorry!
- No, you say sorry!
- You say sorry!
No, you say sorry!
Your shoe's come off.
Beats, I'm gonna put
your shoe back on.
Yeah, that's right.
Your shoe's off now.
And that's what fucking happens
if you fuck with me, yeah?
- I'm done.
- You're fired! You're all fired.
Come on, Steve, let's go.
Where's my helmet?
What are you doing?
Sayonara, you fat lemon.
Bubby, calm down. Stop it.
- Are you crying?
- I'm not crying!
Okay, calm down.
You've got a show on, right?
- Please stop it. Stop it.
- What are you doing now?
It's making me cry
'cause of the adrenaline
- that's coming through my body.
- So you are crying?
I'm not crying.
It's adrenaline!
(breathing heavily)
You're not making sense.
- Stop it.
- (whimpering)
- Fucking little prick.
- Shh.
How dare he try to fight me!
- Stop it.
- (sniffles)
- Please keep your voice down.
- It's adrenaline.
It's natural for this
to happen after a fight.
This happens after fights.
You've never had one.
(sniffles, whimpers)
- I'm gonna go.
- I'm so angry!
I'm so angry.
- Nice.
- (laughter)
- Hey. Kanpai.
- OTHERS: Kanpai!
Fuck Taka.
Fuck Taka!
(Chabuddy laughs)
Oh! More drink!
Hey! Kanpai!
This is a bloody wooden box.
We're drinking out
a bloody wooden box.
(rhythmically clapping,
- Have you called them?
- Yeah.
They're not answering
their phones.
- Fucking little pussyos, man.
- TAKA: Are you ready?
- You'll be fine.
- Yeah.
It's just a bit of fun.
Come on.
It looks fucking tiny.
- He's a bit worried about the size.
- What is tiny?
- I'm not worried. No, no.
- What's-what's tiny?
- I'm trying...
- Nothing's tiny.
- Just stop telling everyone.
- Come on. You're on.
- But you're on telly. It's amazing.
- Have fun.
Bang, bang, bang,
bang, bang, bang!
- (upbeat theme playing)
- (woman speaking Japanese)
(audience cheering)
(speaking Japanese)
Oh, my God. Yeah!
(host roaring)
(deep roaring sound effect)
(shouting in Japanese)
(deep roaring sound effect)
Um, I think
there's been a mix-up.
I-I don't know how to do this.
(host speaking Japanese)
No, I've... Fuck's sake.
I-I've never done
anything like this before.
- (host mock stammering)
- What?
(host and audience counting down
in Japanese)
I don't know how to do it.
I don't know how to do it!
(host speaking Japanese)
(frightened whimpering)
(host speaking Japanese)
Oh... I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
(host shouts in Japanese)
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
lyrical blow to the jaw
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
Leaving every MC
down on the floor...
Everyone wants to be famous.
That's the main ambition
that everyone has.
And if they don't get that,
then they want to be, like,
a teacher or whatever
until they become famous.
(audience exclaiming, laughing)
It's not funny.
It's dangerous.
(grunting, shouting)
Oh, his face, though.
- I know.
- (chuckles)
(audience cheering, laughing)
And I pop the shoulder out.
I pop it back in.
I pop the shoulder out.
I pop it back in.
I'm a hard geezer.
I look like a nice guy,
but, really, I'll kill you.
Excuse me. The bill.
It's okay.
Put it on the room tab.
The room tab.
And that's what I'm saying.
I'm a hard...
Sorry. The tab has been closed.
No tab.
(quiet chatter, laughter)
Hey, listen, guys. Guys, guys.
There's been a mix-up,
and I need you lot
to help me with the bill.
- Because I-I...
- (laughter)
Okay, no problem.
No problem. I'll be back.
- Ex-Excuse me.
- Yes.
You-you know the guys there
at the table?
Um, they actually...
'cause they're so nice,
they're really nice guys,
they said that they're gonna
pay for the bill.
- Yes?
- Yeah, they said they will pay.
They're going to pay, so...
Hey, if you're gonna pay
for the bill, say, "Fuck Taka!"
- OTHERS: Fuck Taka!
Okay, thank you.
Uh, I'll go for a wee...
a wee-wee.
Fuck Taka.
Fuck Taka.
(quiet chatter)
(speaking Japanese)
Just popping out
for some fresh air.
- (shouting)
- CHABUDDY: I'm...
Yeah, I'm... I'm just...
I'll-I'll be right back!
(employee shouting in Japanese)
(Chabuddy groaning)
Don't go!
CHABUDDY: I'll be right back!
Don't worry!
- (employee shouts)
- I'll be right back!
BEATS: I wish Grindah
all the best. I-I really do.
And I don't really
want him to fail,
but if he does fail, good.
Oh, you need me
to go back-to-back, do you,
for a comeback set in England?
Well, no one gives a shit
And I'll tell you why:
because you sold out.
I thought he cared, like,
and, like,
if someone cared, yeah,
they'd just put on
the fucking leotard.
Do you know what I mean?
Is a leotard worth
a friendship of 15 years?
Okay, okay. Okay, I'll go.
Okay, I'm going.
Bloody hell.
You know what,
all these years, yeah,
I thought, yeah, I'm a hustler,
I'm an entrepreneur.
But you know what,
maybe I just messed this one up.
Maybe I have failed.
Maybe I'm not a hustler.
Maybe I'm not an entrepreneur.
BEATS: All good things do have
to come to an end eventually.
Like Queen, like, one of
the greatest bands of all time
till Eddie Murphy got fucked up
on-on coke and ruined it.
Even when he's dead, yeah,
those songs will live on.
I'm just thinking, um...
Do we, um...
Do we have anyone there that...
- Taka?
- Yeah?
Do we have anyone there
that would, uh...
- Uh, sorry. Hang on.
- What...
Just got to...
Uh, he's just doing
an email, I think.
I presume he's emailing.
(knocking on window)
So, we're at studio.
GRINDAH: You always open the
back one first. Why did you...
- Bubby. Bubby.
- Grindah-san.
Bubby, I can't believe
I'm at studio!
- Don't shout so much.
- Say it. Studio!
- Come on.
- Studio! - MIKI: Studio!
Hey, we don't say it
too many times
- when we do it, so just come on.
- Yeah.
(video game weapons blasting)
Yeah? Some of that,
you fucking prick!
What you saying, Steves?
Uh, just, uh, texting Miki.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Trying to link her
before we leave, yeah?
Uh, no, I've got
enough draw now, so...
What? Bruv, come on.
Like, you like her, innit?
Just lips her,
for God's sake, Steve.
You're exotic out here.
Back home,
you're just a butters freak.
Make the most of it.
Yeah, listen, yeah,
if you like her, just tell her.
You're both weird.
It makes sense.
Yeah, don't overthink it.
Like, just go down there.
Be a man.
Be a man?
Be confident, as well,
sort of...
BEATS: Yeah, exactly.
And make your voice deeper
and push your shoulders back.
Here we go.
Oh, my God. I feel like
we're in a Drake video.
- What is that?
- Just a classic mixing desk.
- It just turns it up and down.
- Really? Ooh.
- Yeah?
- You remember Shiro, right?
Yeah. I'm not working
with him, am I?
Oh, yes.
He's got millions of fans
out here in Japan,
so it'll really get you noticed.
Well, if you're famous,
we should get a selfie,
- shouldn't we?
- TAKA: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- GRINDAH: I'm sorry.
- (camera clicks)
What shall I say to her?
Should I say, like,
"Do you want to link
or something?"
Write W-Y-D...
- Space.
- Safe.
- S-A-F-E?
- Yeah.
- "WYD safe."
- Yeah.
- Send that, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Sent.
- Sick.
- (singing in Japanese)
- No, the intro, the in...
- Shh, just talking on the intro.
- (cell phone chiming)
GRINDAH: It's the MC Grindah
featuring Shiro.
Let's go.
One, two, three. Let's go!
- (beat playing)
- You.
- Oh, fucking hell.
- (starts singing, stops)
Start again.
You've missed the drop.
- Start again.
- (speaking Japanese)
Stop. Start again.
- (starts singing, stops)
- (shushing)
You missed the drop.
(cell phone chiming)
Oh, she's replied.
Oh, sick. What'd she say?
Uh, question mark.
- That's good.
- Is that good?
Do a question mark back.
It's the MC Grindah.
(cell phone chimes)
Alongside man that's Shiro.
And we're ready to roll
right now.
We got the lyrical flow
right now. Go!
(singing in Japanese)
With the lyrical,
biblical sound, sound, sound
(singing in Japanese)
When I pick up the mic,
I get down
Say, oh, I get back up
all ready to bounce...
Bass, lyrical shout,
lyrical shout
Down with the roughneck vibe
Bass, lyrical shout,
went up on left
Then I bring it back
to the right
Obviously go, then,
if I've stopped.
- (speaking Japanese)
- Fucking hell.
(cell phone chimes)
- Just sing. Sing.
- Sing?
(door opens)
Is everything okay?
Yeah, yeah, just, um...
(clears throat)
Normal. Yeah.
Um, I don't know
what this text means.
Uh, I just wanted to come
and, um, speak to you,
'cause obviously we've been...
And... I guess, um...
What I'm trying to say is
that you're...
...weird and...
And I'm leaving, so it's, um...
Just wanted to come
to say that, really,
and just see, um...
What do you think about that?
I don't know.
I'm a bit confused.
- Yeah, I'm-I'm...
- Yeah.
...confused, as well,
but it's just, I guess...
I-I feel like, for me, um...
I feel like I'm doing
all the talking at the moment,
and just, like,
maybe it'd be good
if you just said something
just to...
Okay, um, um...
I'm not sure
what you're trying to say.
I'm trying to say
that I'm a man,
and what are you saying?
- About...
- I-I don't know.
Okay, well, you don't know.
That's fair enough.
- What do you mean?
- I'll just, um...
I've obviously embarrassed
myself, as usual, so...
- All right.
- S-Steves, uh...
I'll see you later.
It's that way, innit?
(chatter in Japanese)
How far are we from the place?
- Uh, in five minutes.
- Right.
- Right.
- Yes.
Is that Japanese time
or UK time?
What's the difference?
Well, there's a seven-hour
time difference, isn't there?
Just classic five minutes,
is it?
- Normal five minutes. Normal.
- Yeah. Normal.
- Normal. Right, okay.
- Yeah.
- So that's quite soon. Great.
- So... so, English. English.
- Smile.
- Oh, for fuck...
Smile. Go on.
- (camera clicks)
- (chuckles) Aw.
To be honest, yeah, like,
I had a different view
of what fame would be like.
Like, I always thought
fame would just be,
like, me and my boys,
yeah, on a private jet,
blazing zoots,
going out to every country
and spitting
the finest UKG lyrics, yeah?
- Now what?
- Okay, now look a bit stronger
and prouder and happier.
(camera clicks)
It turns out fame is,
um, me and Miche, mainly,
and Taka making me
do weird shit.
Fuck's sake.
That's... I'm on the flyer.
Fuck's sake. Why have I got
a guitar in my hand, yeah?
You got it?
- (door buzzes)
- Bubby. Okay. (chuckles)
Oh, my God. Look.
- "Bang Boys dressing room."
- Yeah.
Do you want to say it?
Why? It just says it there.
Sausage rolls.
Yeah. Me and Beats used to
insist on them for the rider.
Well, more for you now,
so, you know, that's one of
- the perks of them all going, isn't it?
- Yeah. Yeah.
(Miche chuckles)
Why are all the boys
still on the poster?
Yes, I'm glad you asked,
because we've got
a little surprise.
- Miki. Miki.
- MIKI: Yes?
- Go and get the guys.
- Yes.
The guys? Are you joking?
- You little bastard!
- (laughing)
You bastard!
- Oh, my God. Did you know about this?
- Oh, my God.
- No. The big reunion.
- Yes, you did.
- You lot knew about this, innit? (laughs)
- Oh, my God.
- You're gonna go onstage!
- Oh, my days.
We're all gonna be
onstage together.
Yes, all four of you.
Oh, my God,
you've been so worried,
- and you didn't need to panic.
- I know. (laughs)
The Bang Boys.
What the fuck is that?
It's just their heads.
Yes, we were gonna go
with even bigger heads,
but we thought
we'd keep it subtle.
How is that subtle?
Look at the size of that.
(speaks Japanese)
Th-They're cute, aren't they?
No, they're not cute.
Decoy hasn't even
got an Afro in real life.
I know,
but we thought it made him look
more cool and hip-hop this way.
Hip...? It's not meant to be
hip-hop, for fuck's sake.
TAKA: We got you a foam head
as well, if you want.
- (Grindah sighs)
- MICHE: Bubby?
Are you sulking?
(crowd cheering)
(Kyary Pamyu Pamyu singing
"PonPonPon" in Japanese)
(beat drops, song continues)
It's so cool.
You okay, hon?
I'm not okay. This is mad.
Come on,
you were born to do this.
This ain't
how I imagined it, though.
But you're gonna be amazing.
You're just nervous.
It's not nerves. It's just...
It's just this.
What the fuck is this?
Come on, let's look excited
for a pic-pic.
Just do that... Bubby.
Okay, I'll just get you
walking off for now.
Really good emotion.
What's this? What's going on?
("Heart Monitor Riddim"
playing over speakers)
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
Bang, lyrical
blow to the jaw...
Bang Boys?
What's he done to them?
That bloody bastard benchod!
(song fading)
Oh, I'll tell you what, yeah?
If I can fire myself,
I can bloody hire myself, too!
I'm coming, boys!
Clap your hands!
- Come on!
- Yeah! Tokyo!
(song continues in Japanese)
(chatter in Japanese)
- Tokyo.
- Where's Grindah?
Oh, he's getting changed.
Why? Why?
Hey, is everything alright?
Yes, I'll find him.
(speaks Japanese)
He's in the bathroom.
He won't come out.
I'll find him.
Don't worry.
He'll get him on stage in time.
(woman speaking over P.A.
in distance)
What song we doing?
"Dry Your Eyes" by The Streets.
(instrumental song begins)
Grindah would love this.
Gold mic as well.
In one single moment, your
whole life can turn around
I stand there for a minute
staring straight at the ground
Looking to the left slightly
then looking back down
World feels like it's
caved in, proper sorry frown
Please let me show you how
we could only just be for us
I can change, I can grow
or we can adjust
The wicked thing about us
Is we always have trust
BEATS: We can even have an
open relationship if we must
I look at her,
she stares almost straight
Back at me
Her eyes glaze over
She's looking
straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed
for what seems an eternity
When, um, they open up,
she's looking down at her feet
(singing along):
Dry your eyes, mate
I know it's hard to take,
but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish
in the sea
Dry your eyes, mate
I know you want to make her
see how much this pain hurts
But we've got to
walk away now
It's over
(sighs) Bubby.
(Miche mutters)
Bubby, are you okay?
- Bubby?
- (knocking)
GRINDAH: I'm staying here
till everyone's gone away.
(Taka and Miki
speaking Japanese)
- Bubby, it's just...
- (Taka sighs)
um, just me
talking to you, okay?
We don't have time.
GRINDAH: I can hear people
whispering. Who's that?
- It's Taka and, um...
- Oh, great.
...the-the girl
that follows you round.
- Shit. Hi.
- Hi.
I'm manager of Bang Boys.
Uh, I need to come in.
Uh... oh.
Th-This for Taka.
He forget. (chuckles)
- Taka?
- Taka, yes.
It's his. I need to come in.
- Yes? Very good.
- Okay.
(speaks Japanese)
(door buzzes)
CHABUDDY: Listen, mate, yeah?
The music industry
is filled with snakes, okay?
And if you give these snakes
too much control,
they'll ruin everything, okay?
They don't know about music.
They haven't even got ears.
They're snakes.
- GRINDAH: I don't want it anymore.
- No, I'm not. I'm not.
- I don't want any of this.
- Beats and everyone else...
- Where's Beats?! I want Beats!
- They don't like you anymore.
No, I don't like you anymore!
You know what, though?
We are here.
Come on, quickly.
Boys, boys, I'm here! Sorry!
Where are they? Where are they?
Oh, God. Sausage rolls.
They've definitely been here.
Oh, I'm starving as well.
All right, come. (grunts)
She brings her hands up
Towards where
my hands rested
She wraps her fingers
round mine
With the softness
she's blessed with
She peels away my fingers,
looks at me and then gestures
By pushing my hand away
to my chest from hers
(singing along):
Dry your eyes, mate
I know it's hard to take, but
her mind has been made up...
Hey! Where are the boys?!
I demand to speak to my clients.
I don't care what you say, Taka.
I'm not leaving
till I've spoken to them!
They've all quit
apart from Grindah, babe.
- What?
- Yeah.
Right, okay, well, then I demand
to speak to Tony, then.
No, he's locked himself
in the toilet.
We can't get him out.
Okay, Tony... Get out the way.
- Please let us in! I'm worried!
- I'm coming...
Okay, Tony, I'm coming in.
Stand back!
Oh, where is he? His clothes.
- Shit. Tony?
- (Miki speaking Japanese)
- Tony!
- MICHE: Bubby!
But we've got to
walk away now
It's over.
(song continues)
Sorry if I was a bit flat
with some of the...
That performance
was great, mate.
Felt like I went a bit
high-pitched with some of it.
Really good.
Really good performance.
His clothes are here.
He must be naked.
He's gonna get hypothermia.
- No, he was wearing other clothes.
- (groans)
You've fucked up now,
haven't you, Taka?
You dickhead. Huh?
- See?! See what happened?!
- (song ends)
Oh, how the tide has changed!
How the tide has changed!
Let's go for
a more up-tempo one now.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
("Total Eclipse of the Heart"
instrumental begins)
Shall I do the...?
Turn around
Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
And you're never
coming round
Turn around
Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound
of my tears
Turn around
- Every now...
- (door opens)
(music continues)
You're back.
If you'll have me.
Yeah, of course I'll have you.
(music building to chorus)
(both grunt)
(muffled crying)
It's good to have you back.
(Grindah sighs heavily)
I don't want to do this
music shit without you, man.
Kurupt FM, yeah?
The rest are irrelevant.
(both sighing)
Feels good.
- (groans heavily)
- (clears throat)
How did you know
where we were, man?
(Grindah sighs, chuckles)
I knew you wanted
to do karaoke, so...
But how did you know which one?
Like, there's thousands
of them here.
Yeah, I... Well, I texted Decoy.
I'm sorry.
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
(grunts, sobs)
Uh, where's-where's Miche?
Oh, yeah.
I should probably text her,
let her know.
- (crowd cheering)
- (speaking Japanese)
(chatter in Japanese)
What's happened, Taka? Huh?
OK guys, put your heads on.
We can do this without him.
What's he saying?
He's saying they can do it
without him.
- TAKA: What's wrong?
- No, you can't do that.
- Grindah, that's his group, hon.
- Yeah.
Your husband is replaceable.
Are you joking me?
You do not disrespect my family.
I don't care
who you think you are.
- You do not disrespect my family.
- Don't-don't do that.
Grindah needs to be on stage.
Is he saying something else
about my family?
'Cause I will slap him.
Did you hear what I said?
MIKI: No, he said Grindah
needs to be onstage.
Yeah, he does need
to be onstage.
Grindah will never be on
your stage. You know what, Taka?
You're lucky I don't
lick you clean out, mate.
Shit manager.
- We're going to do this without him.
- You seriously think that's going to work?
Taka knows the dance routine.
(Miki giggles)
- MIKI: Come on.
- CHABUDDY: What did you say?
MIKI: I told him that
Taka knows the dance routine.
- Fuck Taka!
- Fuck Taka!
(both laughing)
MICHE: Hang on.
I missed what happened there.
You sure you spelt Kurupt
- Yeah. Yeah.
- With a "K." Yeah.
- BEATS: They ain't got it.
- GRINDAH: Oh, for fuck's sake.
Try "Bang Boys."
BEATS: Oh, my days.
Bruv, we're on karaoke.
Oh, my days. Steves!
Bruv, we're in
the karaoke machine.
That is nuts, bruv.
(speaking Japanese)
It's not easy managing Kurupt.
I've lost, I mean,
roughly around seven K.
And, uh, deep, deep, deep
in the red.
And they made me realize that,
God, I'm a good friend.
Because any...
sane manager would have quit
a long time ago, but not me.
- CHABUDDY: I'm loyal.
- (speaking Japanese)
Chabuddy G,
not the best manager,
but the best friend
you will ever have in your life.
Hey, boys!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Guess who defeated Taka
- and rescued the fair maiden!
- Yeah!
- That's mental.
- Yeah, innit? Innit?
- MICHE: I love you. Oh!
- Oh, uh... Oh.
You all right?
Yes. And you?
- You came.
- (chuckles) Yeah.
Uh, chicken nugget
or anything or...
- Yes, thank you.
- Uh...
(Kaito speaking Japanese)
(audience cheering)
Deeky, man, bring it in.
What-what are you doing?
MICHE: Oh, my God,
you're on the karaoke!
- Yeah. Yeah, we're in there.
- MICHE: That's mental.
- We're in the karaoke machine.
That's cool.
- Kurupt FM?
- Look.
- Grindah...
- What?
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
lyrical blow to the jaw
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
Leaving every MC
down on the floor
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
lyrical blow to the jaw
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
Leaving every MC
down on the floor
Call 999, it's an emergency
Beats and Grindah
killed an MC
Someone take him to A&E
And perform
some lyrical surgery
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
lyrical blow to the jaw
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
Leaving every MC
down on the floor
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
lyrical blow to the jaw
Bang, lyrical blow
to the jaw
Leaving every MC
down on the floor
With bandaged knuckles,
I dipped 'em in glass
Leaving the MC
up on their arse
Lyrical dragon punch
so damn fast
Leave your head spinning
for more than my bars
- This is embarrassing.
- Beats and Grindah up on the track
Guess you could call that
double impact
Why are we so lyrically big?
'Cause we've been training
Punching a tree for a week.
- GRINDAH: Oh, my days.
- MICHE: Oh, my God!
Make some noise!
When I say "Kurupt,"
you say "FM!"
- Kurupt!
- FM!
- Kurupt! Kurupt!
- FM! FM!
Kurupt FM!
Deeky, shall we do a duet?
- A love ballad?
- GRINDAH: Yeah, go on.
- Go, Deeky.
- Oh, no, man.
GRINDAH: Chabuds and Deeky
- Um, I want to sing...
- I was gonna...
- Oh.
- Oh...
- You... No...
- You... you go ahead.
- You go ahead. Yeah.
- Uh, okay.
I was just gonna say,
can I lips you?
- If that's... if you want.
- Uh, I...
- But you don't have to.
- I don't know what that means.
Oh, great. So I've literally
embarrassed myself again.
Um, yeah, uh, it means:
"Can I kiss you?"
But, obviously,
the moment's sort of gone now.
- (others exclaiming)
- MICHE: Oh. Oh, my God.
GRINDAH: Look at Steves
thinking he can lips!
(laughter, whooping)
- That is great!
- Love is in the air, mate!
Steves, you dirty bastard!
- Thank you.
- (others laughing)
- (Miki chuckles)
- Can we... can we do more?
That's my Stevie boy.
That's my Steves.
- (excited chatter)
- (Grindah laughs)
STEVES: The little things
in life are the most important.
Like, if you start
thinking too big,
you realize
the world's ending, like,
completely pointless.
Focus on just enjoying
the things around you
that are good,
like your mates,
like make music, make art,
make a fucking spaghetti
Bolognese, whatever you make.
Do something for someone else.
Make them a fucking
spaghetti Bolognese.
(all cheering)
Yeah, drink! I want a drink!
That's mine. That's mine.
You know, obviously,
we've been trying
for a long time now
for his fame to sort of birth.
Have they got other drinks?
I love you.
But he'll probably go back
to postman stuff, as well.
That's fine 'cause, you know,
he can dream still.
He can be a postman in the day,
and he can dream about
being a pop star at night.
And that's our life,
and I'm happy with it.
I just wanted to say
I'm sorry, brother.
- Listen, it's water off a ducky's back.
- You all right?
Okay? Water off
a ducky's back, mate.
- Cheers, mate.
- No problem.
I'll tell you what,
Chabuddy's a hustler.
And you can't hustle a hustler.
I'm Chabuddy G.
(audience cheering)
The thing with Taka, yeah,
is that he's a salaryman.
You know what I mean? Robot.
Oh, wake up,
have my, uh, coffee,
go to work, pay my taxes, die.
Me, I've never received
a salary in my life, mate.
I've never been paid
for anything in my whole life.
Think about that, mate.
Stevie! Stevie!
A lot of people have
bad things to say
about going away.
- Yeah.
- They say, "Oh, it's expensive.
Oh, it's a long flight."
But I tell you what,
get out your comfort zone.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Go somewhere, like, different.
Do you know what I mean?
'Cause do you know what?
- Yeah.
- You might not enjoy it at the time, yeah?
- You won't.
- You won't. No one...
You don't enjoy things
in the moment.
- Yeah.
- That's a fact.
- DIRECTOR: So you didn't enjoy it?
- BOTH: No.
- But...
- But that's the whole point, innit?
- But I fucking loved it.
- Exactly.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- No, I didn't enjoy it, but...
- Yeah. But I loved it.
After it was done.
So go and do it.
You'll fucking love it.
- Oh, yeah!
- Kurupt FM. The rest are irrelevant.
Always and forever,
the brothers.
Do you know what I'm saying?
The Kurupt FM brothers, man.
You get me?
("Whippet VIP" by Conducta
and Sammy Virji playing)
Conducta, Conducta,
What's mad is, yeah,
is that after all of this,
Grindah put it
in perspective for me
- that it was just all my fault.
- Yeah.
- And that's, like...
- Do you know what I'm saying?
Some-Sometimes I can't even see
where I'm going wrong.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Like, it's...
But sometimes you need that.
Uh, it was just... I don't know
how it was my fault,
but somehow it was, wasn't it?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You were saying last night.
- And I just want to apologize.
- Yeah. No, it's all good.
No need to apologize.
I mean, and I apologize...
- But I am sorry.
- No, no, but I apologize
for not explaining that
to you earlier.
Yeah. It kind of makes
a little...
- Perfect sense. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Or a little bit
of perfect sense, I guess.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
("138 Trek" by DJ Zinc playing)
Come on
Come on
Come on.
(music fades)