Perdiendo el norte (2015) Movie Script

My name is Hugo.
I'm 27, with a degree
in Business Management,
another in Marketing.
And a Master's
in Business Administration.
Braulio has a degree
in Chemical Sciences
and a Master in Cellular
and Molecular Biology.
We belong to the best prepared
generation in history,
the one that was to make Spain
a champion in world economy,
that was to live better
than their parents
but ended up like
their grandparents,
emigrating and picking up
the leftovers in Europe.
Now we're called
the lost generation...
But I know where I am.
Working ten hours a day
in a Turkish restaurant in Berlin,
leaving at night stinking of falafel
and wondering
how the hell
we ended up like this?
One year earlier...
How do I look for my first day?
Everything OK?
Is the tie too daring?
Shit, a thread!
Hugo, stand still!
People get nervous if they don't
have a job, not if they do.
I've been going to interviews
for two years.
I've heard We'll call you" so often
it's like my surname.
"Hugo Wellcallyou".
My father
keeps offering you jobs.
Your father?
He keeps handing me the keys
of his car so I can park it.
Darling, try to understand.
For his princess,
he thinks every man is a frog.
He's wrong about me, Nadia.
I'm worth more than he thinks.
Why else would
a prestigious firm hire me?
Hands where I can see them!
Switch off the shredder!
Four years' investigation
depend on this culture.
This is a microscopic step
for the scientist,
but a huge...
- Braulio!
We're over here.
This is a microscopic step
for the scientist,
but a...
- Look at the damn thing!
It's stable.
Suck on that, "Science Review"!
They'll have to publish me!
We did it!
We did it!
We did it!
Get your tuxedo,
we're going to Stockholm.
The Nobel is ours!
Look, I did all I could,
but everything's being cut
and research grants
are no different.
Excuse me,
what's going on?
I'm the new financial director,
Get out while you still can.
Drop that!
There must be a mistake.
Mr. Guilln hired me on Friday.
Can I speak to him?
It'll be difficult.
That isn't my writing
in those ledgers!
Tell that to the judge...
No, no, that's not acceptable.
I demand an explanation!
Were we investigating
above our means?
- Calm down, you'll have a fit.
- I won't calm down!
You've lost
your medical cover.
I'm sorry, guys-
What are you doing?
Are you giving up
after all our efforts?
Not sleeping, not eating,
not seeing anyone!
I couldn't even get a girlfriend!
Maybe that wasn't
because of the work.
Whatever it was for!
We have to do something.
What if we demonstrate?
Just let it go.
- We could start a petition!
- Yeah...
What if we call a Bardem?
Crayfish too?
Isn't that a bit much?
Prospe, if we think middle-class
we'll always be middle-class.
And this is a dinner
for a financial director.
That's true.
We had to make sacrifices,
but he's firmly installed
in the working world!
Out on the fucking street!
- On the street?
- What?
What happened, love?
According to the boss,
a mix-up.
According to the law
embezzlement and tax evasion.
And no holiday pay...
You poor thing.
I'll pray
to St. Isidro the Worker.
He knows about these things.
Mom, there are 5 million people
praying in the dole line.
You think
God has enough miracles?
- Love...
- Let him go.
If we wrap this up,
maybe we can return it.
To where? The sea?
Tomorrow, with this, I'll invite
the girls to a brus...
To a what?
To a brun che"...
To a brunch"!
We'll see who's a hick!
We worked like crazy
for two years.
And now, overnight,
they kick us in the ass!
Lots of big talk, and now
there's no money for science.
The only ones investigating
in Spain are the judges.
But we're all highly qualified.
This country has invested
in us.
Are they so stupid as to dump us?
You tell him.
I'm going to Mercadona.
They're looking for shelf stackers.
So long.
All right, leave.
Go on.
That's how we'll fix things!
In Spain, I had no job,
no house and no future.
I could either kill myself
or emigrate.
But blood makes me queasy,
so here I am, in Berlin.
Why did you choose Germany?
For the food and the climate.
No, seriously,
Spain is great, but there are
more opportunities here.
The TV, put on...
What? Slow down.
The TV?
Wait, I'll switch it on.
We're a real bargain
for the Germans.
They get qualified labor
paid for by our taxes.
I'm a specialist in environmental
waste management.
You're not going back?
would you, when a week's wage here
is a month's wage in Spain?
I'm not moving from here,
even if there's another Holocaust.
It was a joke,
I've got lots of Jewish friends.
You see that?
It's like he was talking to us.
I'll say!
All the jobs are there.
Yes! And they want
qualified workers.
Who's more qualified than us?
It's not just work,
they're investing in talent.
And it shows.
The Germans invented printing,
the jet engine, the aspirin...
What has Spain given
to the world?
The mop.
That's why
they're running Europe.
Why work for the middle men
if we can do it for the top guys?
In a few years, we'll be
encouraging people to come.
You said it, Braulio.
Welcome to the German miracle!
Shit, it's cold!
There's no crisis here
and no global warming either.
We're not here to sunbathe,
we're here to work.
That's true.
I'll see where
our landlord's place is.
Good day!
Ma'am... Please.
Can you...
We are Spanish.
Poor thing!
She gave me a hand-out!
What has Merkel
been saying about us?
Well, we're here
to change their opinion
so they'll stop walking over us.
You son of a bitch!
I am the bitch.
You're Spanish.
Spanish and rude.
She parks her bike in my ass
and still hasn't apologized.
You were in the middle
of the bike lane!
And they couldn't have made it
more obvious for you!
The gears are broken.
Why do guys
always screw me around?
HEY, I just got here.
If you aren't happy with Germans
don't take it out on me, OK?
You're a moron!
And you're a fuckwit!
What a welcome!
Forget about her,
let's get going.
Germany is waiting for us.
Did the ticket say
Berlin or Istanbul?
I don't know, but...
this is where
they rent rooms.
Over there.
Good morning.
Good morning!
I'd... like...
What's manager"?
Give it up, kid,
before you sprain your tongue.
- You're the Spanish guys?
- Yes.
We heard you could
fix us up here.
You heard right.
What's it to be: shit, Mary,
keta, speed, crystal...?
Buy two grams
and the third's free.
Eh... no, no, no.
We want to rent a room.
Do you know if Hakan or Marisol
have arrived yet?
I don't know if they've arrived,
but they must be about to come.
Shit, they're really going at it...
Hey, you, goggles,
for 20 bucks
I'll let you have a look.
Look, if this is a bad time,
we'll come back later.
No, don't go.
They spend the whole clay
like that.
They're looking for a baby.
They haven't lost one,
they're making a new one,
with its little rolls of fat,
its chubby cheeks,
its dimples...
What did you ask me?
Excuse me. Hakan?
I'm Braulio,
this is Hugo.
We've come about the room...
Is true,
It "slapped" my mind.
One minute, I lose much liquid,
not even saliva left.
Fun over,
we talk business.
Room cost 200 euros.
You pay day five.
- You have dog?
- No.
Hakan! I'm ovulating in two days,
in full luteal phase and with
a perfect basal temperature.
What's the only thing I need?
Your sperm.
Good morning.
- And the boys?
- Rafa can take them.
He'll be their roommate.
Come on!
What a blast!
You got shampoo?
Fuck, you'll be
my best roommates ever.
You'll feel at home.
There are lots of Spaniards
in the building.
If you'd seen it
during the World Cup final!
It took me two weeks
to find out we'd won.
Talking of Spaniards,
that's Andrs.
He's been here longer
than the Brandenburg Gate.
Andrs, look what
I've brought you!
I said I don't want any dope.
No, they're two Spanish pals
who've arrived.
- Braulio and Hugo.
- Hello.
Between Germans going to Majorca
and Spaniards emigrating here,
we should just swap
the countries' names.
Well, emigrants...
To be precise, I'd say we're more
like itinerant qualified workers.
To be precise,
I'd say you're more like
a couple of dickheads.
No need to be rude.
We're here out of necessity.
What do you know about necessity?
I came here crammed in a train,
I lived crammed in a hut,
I worked 12 hours a day
crammed in a factory.
Do something like that,
then you'll know about
emigrating out of necessity.
Fucking spoiled brats!
He's so fucking funny.
What's with that guy?
He's wrong about me.
I need Germany as much as
Germany needs me.
Two months, little prince!
You won't last two months!
What a comedian!
Well, welcome to your new home.
Your room is at the end,
and in front is my sister's.
Just one thing...
Don't tell her anything
about my business, OK?
You mean the pills?
Didn't I tell you
not to say anything?
I don't want to worry her.
She brought me from Spain
'cos I was starting to flirt
with drugs there.
Well, flirt...
More like I was fucking
all of them!
- Rafa, is that you?
- Yeah!
See if you can fix my bike.
This morning a moron broke the...
Christ, the moron.
Shit, the fuckwit!
You know each other?
Fuck, it's kinda tense.
Forgive my sister,
a kraut has been
messing her around.
He promised to leave his wife
but instead he gave her the boot...
Rafa, I doubt they're interested
in what happened with Franz.
No, no, of course not.
But I'll tell you
about the guy before that!
She really blew it.
She goes to a pal's wedding
and her boyfriend...
Just shut up!
They'll be late
for their job interviews...
You're going to need
patience and luck,
especially luck.
I'm talking from experience.
No, whoever hires us
will be lucky.
We've got two degrees
and a master's.
Smart ass.
Shit, what a pair.
Don't listen to him.
I think your sister is really nice.
She's fucking great,
isn't she?
And she's really hot, right?
Well... I mean...
She's your sister, isn't she?
A sister's beauty, like a mother's,
is unfathomable.
With those goggles
you must have realized.
Didn't you see
the great body she has?
That anatomy
doesn't go unnoticed.
If you touch her,
I'll chop your balls off
and make bratwurst.
Got that?
Yes, I got that.
It's guys like you
who messed up her life.
What happened you?
I sneezed hard.
Hi, dad. How are things?
I finally found time
to email you...
We've started
the first job interviews...
With our C.V.s
they're fighting over us.
Being Spanish opens lots of doors...
- Financial manager?
- Yes.
- Spanish?
- Yes.
And in my firm?
In just one month, we've adapted
to the German character...
Sorry, sorry-
We are "latinos". Very...
Very kissy.
The differences between North
and South are more in our heads...
Come in.
We're not as informal as they say,
and they're not as inflexible...
You are late.
I got lost in the subway,
but as they say in Spain,
what's ten minutes?
You haven't been in Germany
long, have you?
As for the language,
you just have to apply yourself.
After a few days,
you pick it up.
Yes, yes.
And do you speak German?
Yes, yes.
And where did you learn it?
Yes, yes.
Are you saying yes to everything
like an idiot
because you don't speak German?
Yes, yes.
Coming to Berlin was
the best decision
we could have taken.
We're not the last in line anymore.
Wait over there, please.
A month looking for work
and all we've found is
more Spaniards looking for work!
And Greeks, Portuguese, Italians...
We might be the lost generation
but we've all ended up here.
Shit, you with no jobs,
Hakan desperate for kitchen hands...
And there's no solution.
This fucking crisis hits everybody.
You need kitchen hands?
We're your men!
Wait, this is a restaurant.
What are we doing here?
Working, which is more than
we were doing in Spain.
You have to start somewhere.
Before I got into
the architecture studio,
I cleaned stairs,
made beds...
Fine, if those were
your expectations.
I'm not here to do the jobs
Germans won't do.
And the Ecuadorian
who cleaned your house
was doing the job of her dreams?
Give me a fucking break.
What do you think emigrating is,
little prince?
And from my experience,
without German, that's all there is.
Your experience
is in pissing people off.
I could serve beer to foreigners
in any bar in Spain.
And we wouldn't have to listen
to you complaining.
That's easily fixed.
Braulio, we're going back!
- To Spain?
- Yes.
We can't even afford the subway.
I'll borrow from my parents,
but I'm not cleaning shit
in a dump I wouldn't even eat in.
What did I say?
He didn't last a month.
Come on, everybody, cough up.
You were betting on it?
You can all stay here
in this marvelous country.
- Come on.
- How much did you bet?
If it's so great why do the Germans
all want to go to Majorca?
Andrs 20, Carla 20,
I bet 50...
Mom and Dad Home
'Y es?
Son, how are you doing?
Now that you're with the rich
you've forgotten
your poor relatives.
Well, not so rich...
If they invented mini-jobs
they're not so prosperous.
But it's better than in Spain.
Here, between what's owed
and what's stolen, we're screwed.
I know, dad, it's all terrible.
That's why I'm calling.
How about a transfer?
I'd be delighted.
I'm so glad you brought it up.
I was embarrassed
to ask you for money.
30 years working my guts out
for the firm
and they take it to Poland.
To ride out the crisis,
they say.
And the 200 who got fired,
how the hell do we ride it out?
- You were fired?
- Yes, son.
What will you do?
How did mom take it?
Darling? I'm back!
Look at the dress I bought.
It's beautiful!
It's by Paco Rabbany...
You've got
more dresses than Barbie.
But I'm taking half
to the charity bazaar.
All by top designers.
And then the girls say
even the poor don't want my clothes.
Son, I can't take any more.
Why take them to the bazaar?
They'll be donated back to us.
And wait till I tell her
about the eviction.
- The eviction?
- Yes.
Wasn't the house paid off?
Yes, but your master's wasn't.
So we mortgaged the house.
But, listen,
that wasn't a reproach.
Thanks to that,
we've got a lifeline.
You told me companies
were having fistfights over you.
Were having fistfights over you.
Come to my house to insult me.
Dump, he say...
There'll be a fistfight all right,
because I've decided on one.
And don't worry
about the money.
As soon as I have it,
I'll send it.
Bye! dad.
If he have balls to come back,
I smash pretty face.
Hotplate clean after each service,
two times day...
Listen, Hakan, we haven't even
talked about hours or wages or...
You think I'm going
to work for free?
I not believe.
This not the guy who say
he not clean shit in dump like this?
I'm an economist and...
economists clean shit that...
We call it creative accounting.
You laugh in Hakan's face?
Pull "willie" over eyes.
It's wool".
OK, I'm pathetic,
but my parents are being evicted
and if I have to clean shit
to help them, I'll do it,
here or anywhere.
You start tomorrow.
Fuck me!
The best prepared generation
in Spain
and the Turk has them
frying falafels.
How about that!
Hi, dad,
I've started my new job.
It has a lot of responsibility
and requires great skills.
I handle the firm's
most delicate matters.
And conditions are ideal.
I've got very flexible hours
and a boss who gets
the best from us.
With our allowances,
we can eat every day
in a restaurant.
No junk food.
I even have a company vehicle,
top of the line, eh?
It's got all the extras.
Comfortable, safe...
I couldn't be better.
And in Germany,
if you know how to shop,
the cost of living
really isn't so high.
I don't believe it!
Bring back those cans!
So don't worry about
the money you asked for.
I'm earning more than I need.
My wallet is stuffed with money.
And if you need more,
just tell me.
And all this is happening
because of that TV program.
Hey, you, wait, wait!
It was in the garbage.
It doesn't belong to anyone.
No, it's not that.
Weren't you on that TV program?
The clash of cultures, eh?
Here, a technician
in waste management
is what in Spain
we call a garbage man.
You know what they say,
TV exaggerates everything.
Even my CV.
No, seriously,
I didn't want to look bad.
Wait, wait...
We're working
12 hours a day for shit wages
because you didn't want
to look bad?
Yeah, I guess.
I'll make you look bad,
you creep!
What could I say?
I finally get a Master's and
I'm here with my finger up my nose?
My mother was going to see it!
Wouldn't you lie
for your mother?
Come on, move!
You don't verstehe"?
I'm asking about
research grants.
God, can't you put vowels
in the words?
One or two more at least...
You're saying it wrong.
It's Forschungssteipendium...
- Forchunstipendio".
- No!
Best bit by bit.
First breathe air
through teeth.
' ' II!
- Fortch..."
- No!
Keep tongue up.
Not Chu, Schh...
Like fizzy drink.
I Sssschung...'
.. stipendium .
- Forchunstupendium".
- Wrong!
How you be so dumb?
Is more difficult
to say like you do!
German is great for terrifying
half of Europe,
but for communicating...
- Not worry,
it takes patience and time.
The two things I don't have!
Research grants
are given in September
and I need my German certificate
in order to apply.
NO worry,
Hakan not only good boss,
good language teacher too.
You give classes?
I taught Otto
all Spanish he know.
I speaks fucking Spanish good.
Black sheep in every class.
NO worry,
in quick as wink,
you framing certificate.
Hello, Nadia!
What do you think
of my new executive office?
It couldn't be more German.
Sorry, it's my secretary.
That's the fourth time
you've fallen.
Some fucking secretary.
You're the one
made me wear stilettoes!
Yeah, so she won't see your face.
In that case...
why are you
done up like a drag queen?
It helps me get into character.
Forgive me for trying!
Doesn't it give me a certain look?
It's Nadia, get ready!
And don't screw up this time.
I won't!
Hello, darling!
How are you?
I'm great. What do you think
of my new manager's office?
It couldn't be more German.
It's super-cute!
Move the camera a bit,
so I can see big it is
and the view you have.
There isn't that much to see.
It's almost all IKEA.
It's my secretary.
Thank you, miss.
You're speaking German already?
Tell me,
is she pretty?
I might get jealous.
What are you doing?
The president wants me!
What are you doing in my dress?
You'll stretch it!
What kind of lunatics are you?
Because we've dressed up
as a top executive
and his attractive" secretary
so Hugo can pretend...
You needn't explain!
I think you do.
My house, my dress.
But it's my life.
And I'm in no mood to listen
to your Miss Perfect lectures.
Come on, Hugo...
What's his problem?
He may have his Master's
but he's got no manners!
He's going through a bad patch.
His parents think
he's a big executive here.
And the crowd at the golf club
would look down on them
if they knew their son
was working as a kitchen hand?
Golf club?
His father was laid off
months ago.
With his airs,
I didn't think his father
was the kind who got laid off.
They're living on
what Hugo sends them.
Well, who's this Teuton?
I've never seen her.
Christ, she's ugly!
No matter,
we've seen worse.
Do you speak sprejen"?
Are you stoned?
It's Braulio!
No shit?
That dress
gives you a great ass.
Everything seems to be fine.
There's no problem
in you getting pregnant.
Did you say pregnant?
You're pregnant!
If it's boy,
I'll call it after you, doctor!
No, I said she has no problem
in getting pregnant.
We have to see
if you have the problem.
My father had eight children,
my father's father, 10.
And my father's father's father, 22!
And doctor say
I can't have children.
Leave me your wife
and we see if I get her pregnant!
Hakan, will you calm down?
Every time the subject
comes up,
you think it's an insult
to your virility,
your family's and that of the whole
fucking Ottoman Empire!
In my family always say:
If in Istanbul
you hear child say papa",
turn, because it surely
your child.
You want proof fertility?
Look at family album!
That's my last word!
Don't make me choose between
being a mother or your wife,
because you might lose!
I've had enough!
You not in hurry
to learn German?
Time for class!
- But I was...
- Class!
Today we face
toughest examiner.
German people.
Lesson one:
getting subway ticket.
Repeat after me:
Good morning,
I want a ticket, please.
Good morning,
I want a ticket, please.
- Good!
Two tickets.
Excuse me?
No, I only asked for one.
But he asked for one, too,
and as far as I know,
one and one is two.
- Let me explain.
- What's wrong?
I'm teaching him German.
I say, and he repeats:
I want a ticket, please.
I want a ticket, please.
So, that's four tickets.
That's?10.40 for four tickets.
What do you mean, four?!
There are two of us,
and I only asked for one!
- Twice.
- Four
May I get past?
I'm in a hurry.
- Just a minute.
- Hurry up!
Two tickets, not four.
What are you doing here?
Being an idiot!
Why the hell
did I take Hakan as a teacher?
I'm not making progress.
Without the certificate, I'll spend
another year cleaning up lamb fat.
Hakan, a German teacher?
I hope you don't forget
your Spanish.
What's cheap is
always expensive.
I should go to
a language school
and he should devote his time
to getting Marisol pregnant.
I had to buy eight tickets.
Over 20 euros!
Classes cost me
hand and foot.
Hakan, I don't want
to be a nuisance.
If these classes
are a problem for you...
No, good for me.
If I not with Marisol,
I not argue with her.
You know saying:
heart not see, eye not feel.
The school can correct
the mistakes Hakan teaches me.
It'll be OK.
Oh, fuck!
Aragon, the most famous,
in Spain and its regions.
Aragon, the most famous,
because the Virgin is there.
German beer is pretty strong,
isn't it, Andrs?
He saw the doctor today
and look at him now.
Look who's honoring us
with his presence.
At your service, highness...
For a girl who lives nearby,
Patricio is dying of love.
I won't say her name.
She can say it if she wants.
What a house.
It's like traveling in time.
Here we are.
Hey, I didn't know
he had a daughter.
Yes, she lives in Spain.
Why doesn't he move
back with her?
What? No.
My miserable daughter
wanted to put me in a residence.
I wouldn't have a better life there.
- I'm sorry, I didn't know.
- I wasn't adapting, she said.
How the hell could I adapt?
I left a Spain that was starving
and went back to one
where no one remembered
that before we were rich
we were the emigrants.
We haven't learned anything.
Not a thing.
Whoever forgets his history
is doomed to relive it.
why the hell are you here?
Memory is very important.
You hear?
Very important.
We should leave him.
Will he be all right?
Yes, tomorrow
he won't remember any of this.
Clinical diagnosis:
Alzheimer's-type dementia.
What's wrong with your hand?
Nothing, it's...
A reaction to a cream.
Yes, the one Hakan gives you
from 6:00.a.m. to 10:00 p.m.
That's the cream.
I'm sorry.
I never thought
the Hugo who came to Berlin
would get blisters
except from applauding himself.
I'd laugh too if it weren't that
I really want to cry.
Look at me.
Is there anything left
of that Hugo?
I never thought
it would be like this.
What if Andrs is right?
What if we go back
and don't fit in?
Or worse,
if there's no going back?
And if the world ends tomorrow?
Here, let me help you.
We can't throw in the towel.
Look at me. I've been training
for years to run a marathon
and I still haven't finished one.
With those trainers,
I'm not surprised.
Don't be so tight fisted,
buy some new ones.
See? That's what the old Hugo
would have said.
The new one knows it means
20 hours scraping the hotplate,
a week of overtime, and a month
eating spaghetti and tomato sauce.
I'm glad the old Hugo is just
a big-head in the past.
And I mean big-head...
Was I that bad?
Hello, I'm Hugo,
I've got two degrees
and one Master's,
and the Germans will be green
with envy when they read my C.V.
Listen to Miss Perfect.
Only I know
how tough it is to emigrate,
but with my
How to emigrate in 1,000 words"
you'll learn all about it!
I prefer the new Hugo
to that big-head.
And I prefer the Carla
who doesn't finish marathons
to Miss Perfect.
Sorry, I'm shitting myself.
Fucking sauerkraut.
You don't miss
the Mediterranean diet
until it's not there.
Christ! ask... information...
...German... course
That's it! Yes.
I call... tomorrow.
Can you believe it?
1,000 for a German course.
Who's the teacher?
Giinter Grass?
Are you listening?
Yeah, just as well,
It was raining all week.
Good Morning.
What's that drooling kraut
doing here?
He may not understand
but you can't insult him.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Franz, do you mind
waiting outside?
OK, precious.
Didn't you split up?
Why is he here?
I'll stick a kebab up his ass
and he won't have to chew...
- Don't start.
He's my boss, we're meeting
to talk about work.
He wants to work on you!
Remember that wedding?
You were seeing a shrink
for a year!
- Was that wedding such a big deal?
- You tell me!
Finding out in front of 200 guests
that you've been dating King Rat!
But that wasn't the worst part.
- Her boyfriend...
- That's enough!
My life and my boyfriends
are my problem.
So that's the famous Franz?
I don't know what she sees in him.
He's no big deal.
You can't trust Germans
who seem like no big deal.
Remember what Hitler stirred up.
Another school
wanted?2,000 for classes.
And these are the ones
giving Europe lectures on austerity.
Take it easy, there are
lots of ways to get money.
Rafa, I've told you 1,000 times.
I'm not going to Amsterdam
to bring back stuff in my ass!
No, this is all legal.
You want me to pay for my classes
by masturbating?
- How can I do that?
- Try with the left.
You paint your nails,
put on a few rings...
It's great,
like someone else is doing it!
What kind of moron
would do that?
And at?50 the jar,
you know what I'd have to do
to earn 2,000?
Buy a good moisturizing cream.
It's going to end up raw!
Look, we've come here to relax.
And a bit of advice:
Before you start, open the jar.
The first time,
I got into such a mess...
See you later.
What are you doing here?
Me? Nothing.
I heard they're looking
for researchers
and I came to give
the best of myself.
And the best of you
fits in that jar?
It's not...
I'm so desperate for money
that even Rafa's idiocies
seem like good ideas.
I see that the cuts in Spain
have even affected common sense.
You can laugh, but it's sad that,
for lack of subsidies,
Spanish scientists
have to resort to ejaculations.
You know what?
This is over.
I'm going back to Spain.
I'd rather abandon my vocation
than my dignity.
What if I pay for your classes?
Thank you, but you know
what your husband pays us.
How can I pay you back?
In kind.
You sell your sperm cheaply
and I buy it
at a price I can't afford.
But if we cut out the middle man...
Are you crazy?
- What about Hakan?
- He needn't know.
You want to be a researcher,
I want to be a mother.
Have you a better idea?
You're looking very elegant
for the Christmas Eve meal.
You're in evening wear!
Andrs, are you OK?
I'm going home.
No, come down, it's Christmas.
We don't have our families,
but at least we can enjoy it
with our fellow emigrants.
God, you're corny.
Fellow emigrants...
What do you think we are?
Fucking swallows?
What's this?
Are these pills for Alzheimer's?
Alzheimer's? I wish they were.
I'd forget about all of you.
My grandmother takes these.
Does your daughter know?
And do your parents know
how well you're doing here?
Give me that!
You can fuck off.
There's salami, ham...
The parents have done us proud!
We've got everything.
I miss having the whole family
together at this time.
Listen to him!
We spent more Christmas Eves
paying your bail than being at home.
But we were all together.
What's that?
This is gliihwein, to give
a German touch to the meal.
That hot wine?
When there's Rioja,
what idiot would drink that?
He's coming for dinner.
- Franz is coming?
- Yes.
We've been talking
and we've decided
to try again.
It's our first Christmas together.
It's him.
Hang on.
Hello, Franz.
Food is ready!
Are we all here?
Where's Marisol?
you know what my wife is up to?
Why would I?
She's your wife.
That's right.
If she's not here, screw her.
Yes or no, Braulio?
Screw her? Why?
What are you insinuating, Rafa?
Me? That I'm starving,
and if she's going to be long
I'm eating her ham.
I'm here!
Look at her!
I lost track of time.
At last!
When cold, not worth eating!
Come, everyone to table!
No, not everyone.
There's one place too many.
Franz is having dinner at home.
There are two places too many.
Mom, who is it?
You could see this coming.
And with her boss!
You don't dip your pen
in the company ink.
- Right, Braulio?
- I don't know!
I don't know.
Leave me alone, Rafa.
What's up with everyone today?
It's Christmas.
Let's have a bit of cheer.
I've bought you all something.
Put this on, come on.
And this.
Hakan, you've got the horns!
Let's see.
They suit him, don't they?
Ol! Join in!
He looks great with them!
Listen, if it's any consolation,
that Franz is an idiot.
I'm a bigger idiot
for always believing the same lie.
Even when different guys tell me it.
And after that wedding,
I swore no guy would
ever laugh at me again.
Where are you going?
Will no one tell me
about that wedding?
It was...
An old school friend
invited me to her wedding.
You know those Facebook things
they send.
I'm so embarrassed,
I can't tell you.
Go on, it sounds promising.
My boyfriend couldn't go,
I didn't feel like going on my own.
But all my friends were going
and I thought it might be fun.
So I decided to go.
I bought a beautiful dress
and I got my hair done.
And when I arrived at the church,
happy as could be,
you know who was there?
My boyfriend.
So he could go?
He certainly went.
And in morning suit,
because he was the groom.
Three years!
He'd been with her three years.
And he told me it was too soon
for us to get married, the bastard!
Shit, that's horrible.
At least you didn't stay
and catch the bouquet!
You caught the bouquet?
It fell on top of me!
And everyone thought
I was crying with emotion.
Why did you put up with it?
Because I loved him.
I stayed to the end
of the ceremony,
waiting for him to say I don't...
But when you're the other woman,
no guy says I don't" for you.
What's this?
It's still Christmas Eve.
And I'm out of tissues.
You shouldn't have.
And I didn't get you anything.
They're beautiful!
They must have cost a bomb.
Not really.
What's an arm and a leg
between friends?
Do you ever get out
of that kitchen?
All I know of Berlin
are the photos in Braulio's book.
- And they still have the Wall.
- We have to fix that.
Meet your tour guide:
Friulein Carla.
Get ready.
Tonight you have Berlin and me
just for you.
- This is for you.
- No...
Yes, this is the one.
And this?
You picked the ugliest one.
Look, the German parliament.
- Beautiful.
- Yes, it is.
You see the dome?
It was designed by Norman Foster.
The reflecting cone directs light
to the center of the building
so it isn't just
an architectural element.
He wanted to...
Your face...!
You scared me!
...and after reunification, in '91,
they restored the chariot.
Is it OK?
That's great!
No, we're not a couple.
In fact, I...
No, everyone does it here.
It's a silly thing...
See? It's silly.
Shit, it's Franz.
Answer it.
I have to talk to him
and settle this.
I don't want to lie.
Right, and I don't want to lie
to Nadia...
to nobody.
Hello, Nadia, darling.
What I'm going to say isn't easy.
We know long distance relationships
are complicated.
You meet people,
things happen"-
This is so hard.
Hi, what are you up to?
What are you doing
that I can't see?
- Come on!
- No!
I was looking at porn.
I can really pick my dates.
Did she say date?
I think...
she said... skate.
I'll go and ask her.
Do you think I'm dumb?
Why did you get involved with...?
- What?
And he looks so innocent!
So who are you humping, eh?
Nothing's happened.
- Has it?
- No?
- We're getting acquainted.
- What?
It's so cold here, what you have
to do is get her hot, kid!
You grab that slut by the ears,
you take her like this,
you start giving it to her,
bam, bam, you know?
Until she's singing
Que viva Espafia"!
You're insane!
- How could you take up with Carla?
- Yeah, yeah...
You've got a girlfriend,
and her brother is a psychopath!
We're not Erasmus students.
You have to control your libido.
It's... It's...
You got me pregnant!
You got me pregnant!
I just popped out
to give you the news.
Oh, here.
You've earned it,
Did she say pregnant?
I think it was segment.
- I'll ask her...
- Shut up!
You've got your boss's wife
pregnant. Great!
I know!
But it was that
or go home
and admit I'd fucked up.
Bad choice of words!
What a couple of...
We came to Berlin
to get a life
and all we've done
is mess up the one we had
and complicate everyone else's.
Look, look...
Didn't Hakan want to be father?
He'll have a child
and he'll be happy.
You think he'll suspect it's mine?
Diagnosis: Sterile
I'm sorry, but you were right
to do the tests.
Now we know
where the problem is.
Out of sight, out of mind.
But yours is worse.
Nadia thinks you're getting married.
Yes, yes.
So either you tell her,
or she'll need a very big veil
to cover the horns.
It's not that easy.
I have to tell her to her face.
And who knows when I'll see her?
This weekend we're going to Berlin!
My treat!
We'll take a photo.
Smile and say: Berlin.
Hugo will be so happy
when he sees the photo!
You're the financial director
of a multinational
with allowances
and a company car!
Then, why are you working here?
I made it up, Rafa.
It's what my parents believe.
Stop worrying,
I'm sure they'll understand.
What? That the money
they spent on me was wasted?
That I'm going hungry
to send them money?
Or that I had to invent a life
so they'd be proud of me?
Hey, come on...
Poor thing.
I've known him since I was 12
and it's the first time
I don't envy him.
The years go by and the same story
keeps repeating itself.
Emigrating and lying to the family
are almost the same thing.
We went through hell here
in '62.
You think we told our families?
We worked like slaves,
doing overtime, so we could
go home in a rented Mercedes
and laden with presents.
Of course,
seeing our families so happy,
even for a few days,
made up for the year of shit
we'd spent here.
Yeah, you can rent a car
but where do you get
a whole office?
Rafa, I'm going to the office,
I forgot some papers
that I want to work on.
See you later.
You're not very enthusiastic!
What's wrong?
It's my lips.
I got some collagen...
My baby!
Love, you're so handsome!
I always say, earning money
is the best beauty treatment.
- Hugo, my boy!
- Dad...
It's great to be here.
With all you've told us,
I'm more interested in seeing
your office than the Wall.
That's what I wanted to tell you...
Herr Cifuentes,
your car is ready.
I'm Rafa, the chauffeur.
My pleasure.
A Spanish chauffeur!
Yes, this is all I could find.
I don't have the education
you gave your son.
they've given us a chauffeur.
And all your life
you went to work on the bus.
Mr. Cifuentes, when you're ready
we'll go to the office.
Your team is waiting.
His team!
MY team?
How can I pretend work in office?
I can't even turn on compiuter"!
You just have to fuck it...
fake it.
Stop objecting to everything,
this discussion is sterile!
Who you call sterile?
I kick you in balls,
then who sterile?
They'll catch us
and I'll be out on the street again.
God, why did I let you
convince me to do this?
Because you said
you'd do anything for Hugo?
Come on, it's not that hard.
They come here,
they see us as happy workers,
they go off as happy parents,
leaving a happy son and...
It won't work.
It won't work.
If I don't believe it,
how will they?
Look, ma'am, that's it.
What a building!
That one, ma'am.
Son, I'm so proud of you.
I'm not going to cry,
not in front of your employees.
Don't smother the boy.
Let's take a "silfie" thingy.
I'll show it to everyone.
Mom, you know
I don't like showing off.
Well, I love it.
These are going straight
to Twitter.
Let me see.
It's lovely.
What are you doing?
Where am I?
And where did you get that car?
Let's say I hot-wired
Spanish-German relations.
Which floor is it?
Darling, calm down.
I've got something important
to tell you.
Maybe this isn't the time.
But you have to know.
OK, later...
You won't stop till you get it
out of me, will you?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm so nervous.
I've wanted for so long
to give you this news...
I don't know how to do it.
My love,
I'm Pregnant!
A baby?
Who else's?
No one's been made pregnant
by a dove in over 2,000 years.
Get ready, they're here!
- It's...
- They're here!
This is wonderful!
This is where I work.
"Herr Cifuentes und family".
- Hello.
I am receptionist.
My name is Heidi,
like cartoon.
She's so funny.
I'm sorry, my Spanish, a bit...
No, no.
She speaks it very well.
You speak it very well.
"Danke, danke".
Allow me
to introduce Hakan Akman,
marketing manager.
Forgive him.
He has just found out
he is going to be father.
How lovely!
I hope the child
takes after his father!
Fuck, what a bitch!
Here too, baby subsidy
gone in cutbacks.
Herr Cifuentes,
your secretary.
My secretary?
- Hello.
- Hello.
Mr. Cifuentes' parents.
Pleased to meet you.
I didn't know he had a sister.
If I was his sister,
we'd have the most boring
wedding night ever!
I'm Nadia, his fiance.
Did you see this?
From pusher to chauffeur.
This really is the German miracle.
If this goes well,
I might expand into limousines.
Rafa, are you aware that all this
is a lie and the car is stolen?
Of course I am.
You think I'm brain dead?
Hey, are you Braulio
or the handsome one?
I'm Braulio, and handsome too,
but less so.
Then someone left
a message for you.
Your German class
is moved to the evening.
I've already asked Hakan
for three evenings off.
He'd better not find out
you've been fooling him
for months because...
I don't believe it!
After all I did for you,
son of motherfucker!
I have to go to the washroom.
The ladies'.
Let's not get things
out of proportion.
I didn't like it either.
I did it out of necessity.
You were doing your best
but nothing was getting through.
This not happening to me.
How long you doing this?
- What does it...
- How long?
A month, more or less.
And really going at it.
It's hard to get into.
But don't take it personally.
How not take it personally?
You fucking my wife for a month!
No! I was talking
about the German cla...
Shit, look...
I wasn't going after Marisol,
but I needed the money...
I've got myself in a hole.
I mean...
No, I was very happy with you,
but after so much time together,
to find out like this
that you have another...
Hear that, Beni?
It seems like yesterday
we got him a private coach
and now, two secretaries.
Look, the other secretary...
I was going to fire her but...
- I couldn't find the time...
- Do it now.
- Let me see.
- Now?
if that's what you want...
It's just that
kicking her out
like this,
without any notice
or anything...
I knew it.
That's what I get
for taking up with dickheads!
Did she call you a dickhead?
If you're firing anyone,
fire her, the hussy.
Yes, mom, but it's...
Wait here a minute, please,
Come here!
In my country
we cut hands off thief,
guess what we do to adulterer!
Hakan, it was business.
Would I have slept with your wife
without being paid?
Excuse me?
Calm down, Hakan!
I've been in lots of trouble
and violence isn't the way.
One minute you kiss me,
the next you have a fiancee!
Now what?
Will you invite me to your wedding
to really humiliate me?
Was it you?
and my sister?
Rafa, you said it,
violence isn't the way.
No, I'm taking a shortcut.
Don't let go of him,
he'll kill me!
It's not what it seems!
Believe me!
Believe you?
The one who's been
lying to his parents?
You've been lying?
I don't know which hurt more
that day,
Rafa's punches
or the disappointment
on my parents' faces.
I'm sorry I started out
on this adventure with you
and now I'm leaving you
on your own.
But although I've come back
feeling like a failure,
I'm holding on to the good part,
the people we met.
I'd like to say I won't forget you,
but that's the one thing
I can't promise.
It's incredible that
in such a short time
I became so fond of them.
But it's been eight months,
I'm working for Nadia's father
and I think
I've earned his respect.
In fact, I'm now
an essential part of his team.
We're thick as thieves.
Of course,
we'll soon be family.
Organizing a wedding
is very complicated.
You can't think of anything else.
life is a succession of moments.
And my time in Germany
is just the past for me.
Six minutes!
I ran a kilometer in six minutes!
Great, you're like an Ethiopian.
By the way, Hugo wrote.
That's good.
I'm going to shower.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Am I wearing matching shoes?
- With this bump, I can't see.
- Yes.
- Is Carla here?
- She's showering.
She's coming with me
to the pre-natal class.
You must be due soon.
In two weeks' time.
What does the father say?
Not me, I've no intention
of being a father.
Well, not with you.
You'll be a great mother,
but not of my child.
What does Hakan say
about all this?
To me,
Since he found out
he hasn't spoken to me.
I'm sorry.
It may be a bit late
in the day
but I could try to talk to him.
- No!
No, no, no.
Don't set foot in the Kebab.
Unless you want to end up
turning on a skewer
while you're sliced up.
Tell Carla I'm waiting downstairs.
If I sit there
you'll never get me up.
Look, we'll put them there.
How can I put my cousins beside
uncle Joaquin?
They don't speak.
That's it! I'll put him here.
No, his ex is sitting there
with her new toy boy.
We'll just play music
and they can sit down when it stops.
You just complain
the whole time.
We should just cancel
the wedding.
OK, but you tell your father.
I was joking.
So was I.
Braulio, hi!
I'm doing the seating plan.
Can I put you with the children?
I'm not going.
I was joking!
No, it's not that.
I'm broke.
Even with three mini-jobs,
I don't earn much.
And as Hakan fired me
without reason...
You got his wife pregnant.
As regards my work.
How are things there?
Is it still cold?
And how is...
You ask first about Rafa?
Either you're over Carla
or Nadia is there.
Yes, the truth is...
How is she?
I won't lie to you.
She's in a bad way.
She doesn't want
to fall in love again.
She names you in her sleep.
No, but I'd love
to have seen your face!
She's fine, working, running,
helping Andrs.
Is he worse?
The other day he left the gas on
and nearly blew us up.
He can't look after himself.
It's ironic.
He wouldn't stay
in a residence in Spain
and he'll waste away
in one over here.
Darling, it's done!
- Hello, Juana Hernndez?
- Yes.
I'm a friend of your father.
Well, an acquaintance.
OK, he insulted me every day.
- You know how he is!
- What does he want now?
He doesn't know I'm here.
In fact,
I doubt he remembers me.
Your father has Alzhemier's.
I know you don't get on
but I wanted to tell you
because the next time you see him
he may not recognize you.
It's not for me
to tell you what to do,
but we can regret
a bad decision
for the rest of our lives.
You've been like this
since 7:00 a.m.
I should have gone to Las Vegas.
What would your mother say?
She's so happy
you're marrying money
because she says she didn't.
Fuck it!
...this year's Berlin Marathon.
The city is at a standstill
with a record number of runners.
40,000 runners
all with the same dream,
to cross the finishing line
after completing the 42 kilometers
through our capital, Berlin.
As you can see
we have a sunny day,
ideal for this important event.
And for a weather update...
Hello, Prospero, where's Beni?
She's over there,
organizing everything.
Are you OK, son?
Yes, I'm great.
If you keep on like that,
you'll have no appetite later.
It's wedding nerves.
It's a big step,
for the rest of your life...
You have to weigh it up,
read the small print...
What small print?
Do you want to get married?
Of course.
I've been with Nadia
for five years,
her father has been good to me,
thanks to that
we still have a roof...
It's good for all of us, dad!
You're getting married,
not signing a pension plan.
Isn't this what you wanted?
That I studied, got a good job,
a nice house...
Yes, and a 4-wheel drive
and a holiday home.
But what do you want?
To end up like me?
I can't sleep
worrying about the mortgage.
I get up with such pressure
on my chest I can't breathe.
I shit myself watching the news
in case there's another
tax increase.
And I wonder who the bastard was
who fooled us into believing
this was happiness.
Hello, there!
It's too late for me
but you still have time.
Live the life you want,
not the one you can.
Here's the bride!
Isn't she lovely!
And you, H090,
do you take Nadia
and promise to be faithful to her,
for better or worse,
in sickness or in health,
and so
love and respect her
all the days of your life?
Yes, I've just been running.
They say the vestments
are too tight for me.
And I watch what I eat.
I'm very fussy.
I don't eat just anywhere.
Well, as I was saying...
Do you or don't you?
I don't.
Fucking great!
What did you say?
I'm sorry.
I know it's hard to understand
but if I went ahead
I'd be lying to myself
and what's worse
I'd be lying to you.
call the lawyer!
Love, what's wrong?
Dad, will you two be all right?
Of course we will.
Well, no, but this family
has enough mortgages
without you mortgaging your life.
Where's he going?
I'm sorry.
What mortgages?
What's going on here?
I'll put it like this,
I'm only prosperous in name.
He's leaving!
Hello, Andrs!
The usual, right?
Yes, indeed.
You know me so well, Pepe.
Let' s have some paella.
And a t-'nto?
That would be nice.
Poor friend,
worse every time.
How are you?
This looks great.
Have you renovated it?
It's very nice...
- Otto,
this not the dickhead
who work my wife
while I give him work?
Give me knife for cutting lamb,
today I try it on pig.
Give it to me!
Now, now,
don't break Ramadan just for me!
I just wanted to tell you
Marisol is due next week.
Many babies born in world.
This not my business.
I keep my nose to myself.
Come on, she's your wife.
You two dreamed for years
of having a family.
Are you going to miss it?
Marisol's in labor!
Her waters have broken!
- You won't miss it!
Boarding for Berlin
closes in ten minutes.
You'll have to run.
God, call a taxi!
No, wait, they don't
come into this area.
We'll go on the subway.
No, it's being renovated.
OK, on the bus!
No, it's rush hour.
Shut up!
I take her in my van.
Pepe, the rice is going
to be overdone
and you know I don't like that...
- Come, I serve you on terrace.
- Rice on the terrace!
What are you doing?
I cannot leave him.
He has Alzheimer's.
Alz...? Did you say Alzheimer's?
Me? Bastards.
Why did nobody tell me?
You have to fold up your table.
We're landing.
At the next intersection,
turn right.
What are you doing?
What a traffic jam!
You didn't understand.
I understood. As say in Spain:
Thief think all in condition.
Stop with the Spanish proverbs.
Your Spanish is incomprehensible.
How could you teach me German?
No wonder I took classes
behind your back.
Don't remind what
you did behind back.
I leave face like pitta bread.
Stop being such pains in the ass!
I've got a big enough one as it is!
We won't make it,
we won't make it.
Rafa, how often are
the contractions?
I'll look now...
What is a contraction exactly?
That's one!
What'll we do?
Have a fucking game of cards.
You, forget about that gadget
and turn left.
Where's the maternity hospital?
Isn't this the Castellana?
What you say?
This is marathon.
This baby wants
to see the winner,
because it's here now!
Thank you.
You don't do that!
So long.
Fuck, my hand!
Why don't you bite on a stick
like in the movies?
Rafa, just find an ambulance
or a doctor, OK?
No, don't worry,
my hand's fine now, thanks.
Oh, for her?
Right, right, I'm going...
Guys, I've just seen Hugo
running the marathon,
but he was in tails,
like Mr. Monopoly!
And I'm the one
who isn't right in the head.
You'll never make it to my age.
Rafa, just go get doctor!
I'm g0il19-
At last!
Tell me, please.
The dilation?
Thank you.
We have to control the dilation.
I've got no business in there.
What are you doing here?
And dressed like that.
Where did you come from?
That's what I wanted to say.
You'll flip...
I was in the church
and my father is right.
I've always wanted things
I didn't want
and I realized in time...
There are 40,000 runners here,
why piss me off?
Where does it say
I have to put up with this guy?
Carla, wait!
I'm covered with blisters!
It's coming out!
I see its head!
Ask what I do!
Head sticking out!
- Pull it, pull it!
- But how? By ears?
No, listen.
Make a pincer grip
with your fingers
and turn the neck
until you get the shoulder out.
Great, now he thinks
he's a doctor.
No, that's how my daughter was born.
You never forget a thing like that.
Push, Marisol!
Push, push!
I did it!
I did it!
I give birth to baby!
Don't cry, sweetheart,
you are with papa.
Did you say papa?
Isn't that great, Andrs?
We've helped bring a life
into the world.
We'll never forget this.
For sure, this is
an indelible memory,
We haven't been introduced.
I'm Andrs.
Carla, I can't go on!
For God's sake, stop!
I've traveled 3,000 kilometers,
looked for you among 50,000 people
and looked ridiculous
in front of 200 guests
when I said to the priest:
I don't...
You said I don't"?
Yes. And if someone
does that
he's either hopelessly in love
or way off course!
They say the Germans are cold
but they can appreciate
a good kiss.
I don't believe it!
I've finished
my first marathon!
If I didn't have cramps
I'd jump for joy.
It was you!
Who's the dopehead now?
You've got a fucking nerve!
Calm down, my fillings
are still rattling.
And she kissed me!
It's great to see you!
She's been unbearable.
As you're dressed
for a wedding,
you can kiss the bride.
OK, that's enough.
You don't have to use
your tongue.
You hear?
You hear?
Hi, dad.
I'm finally happy.
And this time it's true.
I chose the life I wanted,
not the life I could.
You showed me that
if you fight for what you want
life will reward you.
Scoundrels, that's what you are!
Houses without people,
people without houses!
Houses without people,
people without houses!
It's hard to be far from home,
but here we have each other.
Somehow, we've ended up
forming a family.
Or at least something similar.
The way of emigrating
may have changed
but emigrants
are still the same.
I think it was Marx who said
history repeats itself,
first as tragedy,
and then as farce.
And it seems
we're part of the generation
destined to be a joke.
Fucking unbelievable.
A year sweating over German
and he gets a grant to China.
Don't buy the lottery this year!
- Rafa, we're trying to cheer him up.
- No, I'm cheerful.
And I've picked up
a flair for languages.
Good-morning, how-are-you?
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
All the spring rolls I've eaten
are no help.
My name is...
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Say it again.
My name is...
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
You are really pissing me off.
For Carla.
We miss you every day.
My name is...
No, wait.
My name is Braulio.
Very good!
My name is Blalio.
No, it's not Blalio,
It's Brau-lio.
Now I've got you.
It fucks you up, doesn't it?
It's lovely to speak
your own language but...
B with R: bra.
No, you're not trying.
- Plane.
- Brane.
Yes, brain.
Your brain's in there.
- Door.
- Dole.
- Brandenburg.
- Blandenbulg.
He's got into a muddle.
You don't know...
Teacher of Chinese...
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