Perfect Friday (1970) Movie Script

Are you Graham?
- Yes.
- What do you want?
I like to escape.
- I imagine we both would.
- I'm perfectly free.
You have no money.
Have you?
I intend getting some.
Strong room, Mr Graham.
Mr Thompson is here from head
office for a cash inspection.
You can come and collect the key.
Right away, sir.
Good morning Miss Marsh.
You're a popular visitor.
Pay day.
I'm the most popular
girl in the bank on salary days.
Doesn't go very far
does it, Miss Marsh?
I don't want to hurry you but I do have
an appointment in twenty minutes.
Do you usually conduct your
business in museums?
Or are you kinky about old iron?
My office is being redecorated.
What a dreadful tie.
A present from an admirer.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
Please, sit down.
Oh, Mr Graham. I'm quite frightened
to come and see you again.
What's the trouble?
Naturally we'll help, if we can.
Money, really.
But you have a credit balance
of nearly a hundred pounds.
You see, as good as nothing.
I must be absolutely your most
troublesome customer, Mr Graham.
I need to have an overdraft
of five hundred pounds.
If you could possibly be so kind.
Five hundred pounds. That's rather a lot.
What security can you offer?
You see, this very kind
tax gentlemen give me a...
...a rebate.
Because my father's allowance comes
from Switzerland, something like that.
May I ask for what purpose
you require the loan?
My mother... she's not very well.
And she misses me greatly... so I think
I should go to Zurich and visit her
Couldn't you ask your father
to advance you the money?
Oh no, Mr Graham.
My parents are divorced.
It's very sad.
Also my father is very strict.
He always tells me that Nick,
my husband, should provide for me.
And he doesn't?
Nick is absolutely generous,
when he has money.
- But that's not exactly very often.
- I see.
- Do you mind?
- No.
- You must try to live within your means.
- I do try...
But money is for spending...
...isn't it, Mr Graham?
If you have it... You must learn
not to take unnecessary risks.
I never take risks.
If we can see our way to helping you,
when could you repay the loan?
Quite soon.
- A month.
- Then perhaps we'd better say two months.
Mr Graham, you're so kind!
Could we say six hundred pounds?
- No. Let's say five hundred.
- But need some new clothes.
Oh, it doesn't looks as if you do.
No, we'll say five hundred pounds.
And, please don't let me down.
I shall expect you to be in
credit in two months from now.
Thank you very much, Mr Graham.
I'll honestly try to be
sensible and manage better.
I'm glad to hear it.
You aren't angry with
me, are you Mr Graham?
For asking for the extra hundred pounds?
You aren't angry with me
for refusing it, are you?
Nick, I'm back.
Anything in the mail?
A great deal.
...bills, bills, bills!
Lucky the house is in the family.
Hello, Nanny.
He said he wouldn't be back tonight.
But, Nanny,
he was taking me out for dinner!
Well, he's changed his mind.
It's been cut off.
That telephone company
is absolutely irresponsible.
I couldn't telephone... the grocer.
Then we have no dinner!
I'm sure we paid the telephone bill.
They didn't.
Oh, Nanny, why don't you
clean this bloody room?
I do my best.
Now I can't find someone
to take me out to dinner.
Ah, yes I can!
- Good night.
- Good night, sir.
Yoo hoo!
Mr Graham!
Good evening.
Mr Graham.
Hello, Mr Graham.
Good evening.
Do you like it?
Yes, very nice.
Have you had it long?
Not exactly...
...If you'd let me have
the extra hundred pounds
...I could've had a hard top, white wall
tyres and all sorts of delicious things.
You've spent that five
hundred pounds on this?
Oh, no!
The deposit was only two hundred.
I had to buy some new clothes.
Do you like my suit?
And Switzerland?
My mother is much better.
Mr Graham,
you are the kindest Bank Manager.
Deputy Bank Manager.
Well, whatever, not to be angry.
You planned this.
You are very kind only to laugh.
As a reward, you shall have
a ride in my lovely new car.
- Your car?
- Well... our car.
Come along, we'll drive to the country
and you shall take me to dinner.
I can't afford it.
How about a picnic?
Isn't this a strange, pretty place?
- Where's your husband?
- I'm the last to know.
Is that the reason you came
to the bank this evening.
For many reasons.
And it's time well-spent
in aid of your overdraft.
Mr Graham, you're the first
kind man I've known.
Then wouldn't it be more flattering
if you call me by my Christian name?
Oh, no! I like Mr Graham.
It sounds like you...
...kind and reliable.
Nick, my husband is beautiful,
charming and so sexy.
But not kind. Not kind at all.
I'm sorry.
You see, all my boyfriends
have been super attractive...
...but absolute bastards.
I don't think a man can keep me,
if I'm very sure of him.
Did you, Mr Graham?
The children of broken
marriages are often unsettled.
Maybe that's your problem?
My parents are devoted.
This morning you told me
they were divorced.
Or is that only when you need an overdraft?
You've caught me, Mr Graham.
I was hoping you'd be consistent.
Both my parents are dead.
- You live alone?
- I'm not married.
Are you queer or divorced?
My first boyfriend was married.
He was the worst.
My parents sent me to England
to escape from one bastard,
and oops! I marry another.
He still phones, writes,
trying to persuade me to leave Nick and
come back to Switzerland.
- Is that what you want?
- How can I know?
What I need is an attentive lover.
Very rich, who adores me.
Who will not be cross if I'm a
little bit unfaithful sometimes.
- Your husband sounds ideal.
- But he has no money.
- Then you have a difficult problem.
- Not so very difficult.
You see, in my heart,
I'm a very faithful woman.
Er, when your husband is away again...
shall we meet?
We have a date at the bank.
That's not for two months!
Maybe we can be...
useful to each other before then.
I hope so.
Here's a present for you. I bought it
for Nick, but he doesn't deserve it.
- What a dreadful tie.
- It's a present from an admirer.
I want to discuss a business proposition.
May I check my facts?
You are an Earl?
Isn't it obvious?
- I've never met one.
- I shouldn't draw any conclusions.
I'm unusual.
Even among my fellow peers.
You left Eton... and Oxford...
rather prematurely.
I was bored.
You don't sound like an Etonian.
How would you know?
Nowadays only car salesmen
sound like Etonians.
We new Etonians cultivate
a slight cockney accent...
I understand that, apart from your
title, you inherited little else.
A taste for nothing but the best without
the inclination to provide for it.
You have your house in London
and a few hundred a year
and four guineas expenses
every time you visit the House of Lords.
I look in most days. It's pocket money
and a convenient place to relax.
Are you clever, or just crooked?
I'm shocked, Mr Graham.
In all sincerity... shocked!
Why should a dependable man like
you want to leave the bank?
Why, Mr Graham?
With respect... why?
Oh I know it's difficult for you
to understand, Mr Williams.
I came straight to the bank from school.
And apart from National Service in
the army ...I've done nothing else.
- Two years... seeing the world.
- In Hounslow.
One mile from where I've lived all my life.
Security, Mr Graham.
To be honest your wife and children...
I'm not married.
Ah, not married.
- Of course!
- I've never been able to afford it.
I've had to support my parents.
Your parents?
I thought they were dead?
Why did you think that, Mr Williams?
I've always wanted an
outdoor life really.
with your record...
you'll soon have your own branch... the country perhaps. Yes.
A bit of gardening... golf...
You play golf?
It's not quite what I had in mind.
- But your pension!
- I thought... Canada, Australia.
With my savings, a small farm, perhaps.
Then my parents could join me later.
Last night I had a simple
meal in the country...
with a friend.
A picnic, in fact.
I realised then that the time had
come to make the decision.
Well...'s your life, Mr Graham.
But sleep on it. With respect, sleep on it.
- It's in your best interests.
- I'm quite sure.
You'll see that I've given twelve
months' notice. I've not acted hastily.
The last thing I want
to do is upset the bank
There are lots of things
to arrange before I leave.
Forgive me for being personal,
but I understand that your interests
are limited to your appearance...
...and fornication.
- Is there anything else?
- Money.
In so far as it allows me to pursue
my interests more vigorously.
You are by nature intelligent,
extravagant, immoral...
...and charming.
Ideal qualifications for
business I would've thought.
Particularly if it was dishonest business.
Very well, Mr Graham... so be it.
I'm sure you have our best
wishes for the future...
from all of us, here at the
National Metropolitan Bank.
Thank you.
Yes, well, you've only just caught him.
He'll go home any minute now.
Ah! I see... What's it today?
Oh, tomorrow, Championship Golf
Tournament up in Scotland.
That accounts for it.
I believe... I may be coming down with flu.
Perhaps you ought to go home
and go to bed, Mr Williams?
Yes, I was thinking that. After all,
one has a duty to the staff.
Actually, I'm extremely poor.
But in a style that
you'd consider luxurious.
I doubt if you could offer me sufficient
financial inducement to exert myself.
Besides, I usually go skiing in February.
If you can afford it.
This is a bizarre place to meet.
Very amusing. Good day.
There is something I forgot.
My credentials.
I'd pay you a weekly retainer.
Twenty pounds.
I'd want you to do a
few things beforehand.
That would be a small but effective
way to inspire my loyalty.
- There's a lot more to come.
- How much more?
One hundred thousand pounds each.
Is it legal?
- I'm an honest man, Graham.
- I don't believe there is such a thing.
The mistake is to believe
in the honesty of others.
Mr Graham!
Yoo hoo!
You're late.
- Hardly at all.
- Nearly an hour.
I was at a hairdresser.
What about your overdraft?
Mr Graham,
you're not going to be unkind to me.
Well you know it was due yesterday.
You can't make me pay it back.
I certainly can.
Then why did you tell me to meet
you here instead of the bank?
Well, let's discuss it over dinner.
- Coffee?
- Thank you.
This is a very comfortable room.
It's filthy dirty. Nanny never cleans it.
I've sent her to bed
with a bottle of gin.
We won't see her until
tomorrow lunchtime.
Well, that gives us a chance to talk.
I hope so.
I mean about your overdraft.
- Not a week, not a day more.
- You're being cruel.
I'm interested to see how
you react in a crisis.
- Why?
- It's my job.
- Do you like it?
- No.
Then why don't you change it?
Well, a man should work at
something he enjoys so much
that money is unimportant.
Or if he doesn't enjoy it, then
he should be earning a fortune.
I'm poor and bored.
And I envy my rich customers.
It's not right that anyone as nice as
you should be so lonely.
I'm not as nice I'm afraid.
But I'm also very lonely, Mr Graham.
Yes. Well, I'd be a lot lonelier still
if I were dismissed from the bank...
before I'm Manager.
- Then we need some money.
- You need money.
Then why don't you steal some
...for both of us?
They'll never miss just a little.
I'm going to steal the lot.
- Mr Graham!
- I've been looking for helpers.
How many?
One man... woman.
Breakfast, Mr Graham.
Mm. It's nice, isn't it?
But it always make me absolutely hungry.
You're a big surprise to me, Mr Graham.
Thank you.
It excites me that you're so determined.
What a pity that it will not be
sensible to fall in love with you.
Not yet.
Why did you go to bed with me?
I must have wanted to.
How shall we rob the bank?
We're going to rob a bank.
Splendid. Mine, I hope?
You've no objections?
How do you think we became
Earls in the first place?
How does it feel to be a criminal.
I'm not. Not before I do a crime.
And not afterward, either,
unless they catch me.
They won't, will they, Mr Graham?
My plan is absolutely foolproof...
...if you do as you're told.
For a hundred thousand pounds,
I suppose I can try and stifle my
natural distaste for taking orders.
How did you pick me?
I've heard a lot about you.
What about the third person?
We must find a third partner.
We must find a man.
A girl.
Someone reliable.
But dishonest like us.
Dishonest but trustworthy.
I don't know any men.
What about Nick?
I know! My wife.
She's ideal. Keep the money in the family.
He thinks laws are for other people.
He's very desperate for money now.
She's absolutely loyal.
Especially if you consider my
rather wide outside interests.
Nick will be the right one, you'll see.
Let me try him.
No, no, no, no, no. Not yet. When I'm
ready. Then I'll meet your husband.
We must wait a few weeks. I'll let
you know when you can sound her out.
And afterward you must tell me
all that he's told you that I told him.
I must check that he
told you the right story.
I have to trust you both, completely.
Oh, how complicated.
We must be careful to
always tell the truth.
You must be careful!
No smoking please, sir.
I'm afraid the fourth Earl'll have to go.
Pity, he's the last valuable picture.
Port's come along well.
We ought to order another five dozen.
Then I suppose we'll have to
start selling the furniture.
Though it won't fetch much.
When there's nothing left to sell, all
that remains is for me to find the least
odious method of putting myself
permanently out of reach of my creditors.
How awful for you to
have to live without me.
Shouldn't we increase your life insurance?
You could spend a little less on clothes.
I will if you will.
There's one last chance.
I've worked out a way
to make a lot of money.
Nick, how wonderful!
It isn't altogether legal.
You might even call it criminal.
You'd be right.
- I'm not shocked.
- I'm going to rob a bank.
What made you think of that?
I can't tell you yet. Secrecy is vital.
All by yourself?
I've selected an accomplice.
Boring little man.
But he'll follow my
orders well enough.
- Who is he?
- That's unimportant.
I should expect your help.
- You mean to be a criminal?
- Don't be common, Britt!
I'm your wife. I'll do whatever you say.
I knew you would.
Beautiful, Nick.
You're so clever.
I know.
You might've told me that
you'd met my husband.
I thought he'd decided to
take up crime on his own.
Tell me exactly what he said.
He didn't tell you he
was going to rob a bank?
Oh, no, Mr Graham.
He just said he was going to do
something a little bit naughty.
Did he tell you about me?
Not a word. He made like he
was going to do it all by himself.
Do what?
Get some money.
And you were to help him.
Well, I'm his wife.
Are you going to let him help you?
I'll see.
Mr Graham, it's Nick. What shall we do.
Er, look the other way.
It's all right.
I told him to meet us here.
Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen. And children.
I'll try to make the journey
more enjoyable for you by pointing out
some of the place and
also the items of interest.
I didn't know you'd been introduced.
I took the liberty of phoning
Lady Dorset in view of your suggestion.
Very excellent judgement on your part. the past century
in the Gothic style,
and known the world over as
the Mother of Parliaments.
You are all familiar with Big Ben.
The Palace of Westminster contains the
House of Commons and the House of Lords.
You choose the most tiresome
places to meet. It's freezing.
It's Spring.
We are now moving
up-stream under Westminster Bridge.
As we turn the vessel downstream
on our way to the Tower of London...
Well, now that we
have the right people,
Lady Dorset as well as
yourself, my Lord...
we can go ahead with my plan.
Mr Graham, what a lovely surprise!
I decided this, only after very
careful thought in view of Graham's er...
specialised knowledge.
I don't mind him taking
charge at this stage.
Thank you.
You will each have preparatory tasks
and we shall need some working capital.
Don't ask me for money.
I want you, my Lord,
to grow a moustache.
That's a joke in extremely bad taste.
- Oh. I'm serious.
- Good... God!
Well, will you or not?
Well, I suppose for a hundred thousand
pounds even that sacrifice is worthwhile.
Your husband has allowed
me to finance the plan.
I've cashed in my savings.
- you don't mind if I call you Britt?
- Oh, no.
There's two hundred and fifty pounds.
Take it.
There are furnished flats to rent at
number twelve Grosvenor Crescent.
- Take one.
- What for?
It will look suspicious if you rent one
and don't live there.
You'll have to move in.
I'm rather particular about my
surroundings. I hope it will be suitable.
Well, are you going to or not?
After all, you have put me in charge.
I suggest we discuss
the plan in detail now.
It'll be easier for Britt to do her work
if she understands what it's all about.
Do you understand it?
- Of course.
- Oh!
I'd like Graham to go through it with you.
I shan't brief you until the last moment,
that way you can't accidentally
give anything away.
I prefer to know what I'm
letting myself in for.
- I thought you knew?
- Not the boring details.
Well, you'll have to trust me.
That's very wise, Mr Graham.
I've always found him
more intelligent than he looks.
Air tickets for your first task.
You'll find full instructions inside.
Your part of the plan is going to
involve a good deal of travelling.
I think the moustache suits you.
Now, you're quite clear?
Yes, yes, the tweed suit from Gloucester.
Those dreadful city
clothes from Manchester.
I don't know why I can't use
my own tailor in London.
One can't be too careful.
You can't possibly understand
what an ordeal it is
to wear clothes made by a stranger.
They have your measurements.
- Tell them you're Mr Vickers.
- They'd better fit!
They'll fit.
Britt's away again.
She never said where she was going.
Most inconvenient.
- Is she on our business?
- Of course.
I'm sure her journey's
as unnecessary as mine.
I didn't think you minded the
occasional day apart.
I'm lost without her.
Without Nanny, either,
there's no-one to make my bed.
You can't have your
Nanny in the apartment.
Come along. Come on.
I'll brief you when you get back.
- I'll call you tomorrow.
- About time, too.
Now... I must go.
I've got an appointment.
Come on, get on the train.
Come on. Oh, dear. Come on, hurry up.
Come on. There's no need to push.
The train arriving at Platform Seven
is from Plymouth and Exeter.
The train arriving at Platform Seven
is from Plymouth and Exeter.
Very good, Britt. Just what I wanted.
Take this to the bank tomorrow
and ask them to keep it in safe
custody in the strong-room.
After work tonight I shall be round.
I have some things to do to the box and
some further matters to discuss with you.
But Nick might be there.
Oh, he's just left... for Gloucester.
Are you in love with me, Mr Graham?
I won't know till we've finished the job.
Then we will go away
together, won't we, Mr Graham?
Somewhere beautiful like this,
where we can share an
open-air life together.
Or perhaps an apartment in Monte Carlo.
I loathe the country.
I'm sure you said you wanted to buy a farm.
That was before we went to bed together.
You must admit it sounded very respectable.
Do you still sleep with Nick?
Mr Graham!
Why would you think of such a thing?
Oh, not since we met.
Don't you believe me?
Yes, of course I believe you.
I know that we're perfectly honest
with each other now, aren't we?
You must trust me. I trust you.
Nick and I don't even
sleep in the same bed.
Oh! Oh, you're back!
How nice.
How was Manchester?
Did you have a lovely trip?
Totally unnecessary, like all the others.
Do you realise, I've done nothing
but travel for the past six weeks.
It's terrible.
I didn't realise people
actually went in trains.
You can't believe how sordid they are.
The suits fit, though.
- What time is it?
- Just after nine.
Oh... God, this is a squalid dump.
- Let's go home for a few days.
- Oh no, we mustn't.
Nobody tells me I mustn't.
Mr Graham wouldn't like it.
You sometimes reveal a
revoltingly servile streak.
Very vulgar... Something to do
with being a foreigner, I suppose.
I want the money.
What do you think Graham does?
Who is he?
Don't you think curiosity's vulgar?
As soon as I get back,
he sends me off again.
What about last week? Why go all
the way to Amsterdam to buy a wig?
- Where did you go before Manchester?
- Gloucester.
The hardest thing to bear is
this dreadful moustache.
- I shall cut it off.
- Nick... you mustn't!
I must make a gesture of independence.
Come to bed.
Come to bed.
I want my breakfast first.
- Come to bed, I want you.
- But I'm so exhausted.
If I have to carry on travelling,
I won't be able to manage it.
I think it would be good for you to try.
Mr Graham...
Mr Graham...
Mr Graham...
What is it?
What's happened?
You were calling out in your sleep.
A man's name.
What did I say?
Well, your taste isn't
impeccable, but it's not that bad.
You called out Mr Graham.
So I haven't given myself away, then?
Adultery is usually on
Christian name terms.
Mind you,
you're too greedy and beautiful
to be anything so boring
as a faithful wife.
Would you like me to be?
Not particularly.
I don't seem to be as interested
in other ladies as I was.
Perhaps I ought to see my doctor.
Once we have the money
we'll only need each other.
A mere twenty pounds a week shouldn't
completely alter my sexual habits.
It's a beginning.
Perhaps you ought to take a lover.
How do you know I haven't?
What did you do last night?
I went to bed early.
Good morning, this is Britt.
Oh, it is. That's very kind of you.
Thank you. Bye bye.
Who was it?
The operator.
Alarm call.
Come on, wake up.
You've got to get back to the apartment.
Nick'll be coming in from Manchester.
Come on.
Oh, we have plenty of time.
Mr Graham, you're nearly a saint.
You're so generous letting
Nick have the same share as you.
It's not fair, I know, but it's wiser.
It's lucky we won't have to
trust him with the money.
Now, don't worry, Britt.
You and Nick will be taking the
money together to Switzerland.
But I don't want to go with him.
Can't we take it?
It seems, at one time,
we will look after all the money.
His share, too.
- Are you suggesting something?
- No. That would be stealing.
It's Nick!
It can't be.
God, it's him!
It can't be. His train doesn't
get in until half-past-eight.
Not Nick.
The boy I was with in Switzerland.
I told you,
he's always trying to get me back.
What's he doing here?
He never came to London before. How can
he be so stupid as to come to the house?
Does he know Nick is away?
How could he have known?
Mr Graham.
Oh, Britt, stop it. Britt. Britt, stop it.
Britt, it's after eight.
He is still there.
You've got to get back to
the apartment for Nick.
I'm late for the bank.
I know what.
Let's get out the window.
Up! Up! Up!
What, her old man catch you at it, then?
Come on... Come on.
Grosvenor Crescent.
Watch it, will yer!
Oi, why don't you watch
where you're going, will you?
- Didn't you see me coming down there.
- You mind your own bleeding business!
What do you mean,
mind my own business?
It was your own fault.
I never touched you.
Get out of it!
You taxi drivers are all the same.
What you on about?
Get out of it...!
You go and find some bleeding witnesses.
You go and find some
witnesses cause I'm going to belt yer.
Did you see that?
Why don't you learn how to ride a bike!
Never mind about that.
I'll tell you something.
I'm going to tell the Post Office
about you, you silly bleeder.
I think Mr Graham is very clever.
He's a dreary little man.
It's about time I taught him a lesson.
Help! Huh! Huh!
Er, Miss Welsh, er Mr Graham.
I'm just going out of the office
for two or three minutes.
Thank you.
- Hello.
- Hello, Britt.
I'm coming over in my
lunch hour to talk to you.
Will you please make
sure that Nick is there.
Oh, yes. He's here.
Nick. Nick, wake up.
Mr Graham is coming over.
- Why?
- Perhaps he's going to tell us the plan.
About time, too.
- Quick, Nick, get dressed.
- What for?
He mustn't find us in bed.
Even Graham must realise that married
people sometimes sleep together.
Do you not mind him seeing us like this?
Well, we're partners, aren't we?
Have a good lunch.
All right, Graham, we're onto you.
- You w... what?!
- Cut us in, or we'll talk to the police.
We're not greedy, we'll settle for half.
Oh, Christ!
You... you... you stupid bastard!
You... you big twit!
I'm... I'm tired of your
ridiculous posturing.
Oh, shut up, Graham,
where's your sense of humour?
- What is it? What's happening?
- Your husband.
I'm... I'm fed up with his
childish pranks. I'm finished.
What about him! Wigs from Amsterdam.
Oh, stop it, both of you.
Don't just stand there, go after him.
Please, Mr Graham, he didn't mean it.
The strain, it's worse for him.
Oh, please!
He will be good.
He had a big fright now.
The money!
He had to have the money.
I want my money!
I'm absolutely angry with you!
- Oh, shut up, Britt.
- Go to bed, Nanny!
I only just got up.
- Go to bed!
- You're bellowing like a fishwife.
Now look what you've made me do!
You've made him stop the plan!
I'm finished with you.
Come on, Britt! I'll get some money.
I've met a man who lives in the Bahamas.
He wants to name a chain of restaurants
after me. The Earl of Dorset.
Oh... Nick, you're hopeless!
- He'll get over it.
- He won't! He wouldn't even listen!
Try again.
Ask him if he'll see you.
Tell him that if he doesn't go ahead
with the plan, I'll start talking...
- the cops.
- Blackmail!
You pig!
Go on.
So difficult sometimes.
- There! There's a big boy, then.
- Oh!
Don't you see?
You're sending me away from you.
Hey! What you doing?
Oh, Mr Graham, please.
Don't you know I love you?
I need you so much.
I do realise that.
How can we be together without the money?
I apologise about Nick.
It's just the way he's made.
I'm afraid he doesn't
deserve all that money.
I'm not going to trust him with
it, not now.
Listen, Britt.
Whatever I tell you in front of
Nick, afterward...
when you leave the bank with the
money you go straight to the airport.
You go to the Pan American desk, not
the B.O.A.C. desk, the Pan American.
- Are we going to cheat Nick of the money?
- Yes.
Britt has transferred her account there.
Clever girl.
I never did find out where she banked.
There's three hundred thousand pounds...
Cashiers reserve
Kept in case of unexpected
high demands on cash.
Naturally, such a large amount is subject
to frequent checks by Head Office.
Nick will pose as an inspector.
- A bank clerk! Me? Most improbable.
- Ssh!
Britt and I will get you into the bank.
- Who takes the money out?
- Britt.
Where do you come into it?
I work there.
- You never told me that.
- Here.
Everything down to the minutest detail.
Carefully timed.
Practice till you know it backwards.
The plan depends on Nick
having three different disguises.
Two wigs and his own
hair which must be...
cut and dyed on the day of the robbery.
Two hours after you enter the
bank, you and Britt...
will be on the a B.O.A.C.
plane to Zurich.
- B.O.A.C. doesn't fly to Zurich.
- Yes, it does.
It's the first stop on the flight to
Beirut, Delhi, Bangkok and Hong Kong.
We can only do it if Williams,
the manager, is out of the office.
Two or three weekends between
May and September, he plays truant.
He leaves early on a Friday.
He's a golf addict.
Before a cash inspection,
Head Office rings the Manager
on the ordinary G.P.O. line.
To make sure the call is genuine,
the Bank Manager immediately checks back
on his private line,
which goes direct to Head Office.
If Williams is away,
Smith has to make the check.
This gives us our chance.
Smith is less familiar with
the men at Head Office,
We will intercept the call.
There are advantages to
working in glass offices.
Inspections only take place when the
bank is closed to customers.
The Guard admits an Inspector when
he produces his authority to inspect.
We hold a blank duplicate
for reference purposes.
I shall fill it in for Nick on the day
of the robbery. I can't do it before,
as Head Office change the
type of authority quite often.
The essence
of good security is change.
Inspectors are drawn from senior
staff waiting to go to new appointments.
They're therefore not
necessarily known by sight.
A senior staff member has to accompany
the Inspector to the strong-room...
...either Smith, Williams or myself.
I frequently stand in for Williams,
he's a lazy bastard.
Two different keys are
needed to unlock the safe.
Williams holds one key, Smith the other.
Duplicates of their keys
are kept at Head Office.
The Inspector brings one of them,
we don't know which, until he arrives.
If Williams is away it'll be
possible for Nick to get Williams' key
and pair it with Smith's.
Well, how the hell do I get Williams' key?
I have it, automatically,
when he's away from work.
I am the Deputy Bank Manager.
I'll join you in Switzerland
on Saturday morning.
I'll change the money...
and divide it.
And be back in the bank on
Monday morning as usual.
From now on, you two have to be up...
...and ready
at nine a.m. every Friday morning.
Oh, eight Friday's
we've got up virtually in
the middle of the night.
I don't believe Perfect
Friday will ever come.
You say that every week.
I think we're being incredibly nave.
When have we ever been nave?
Mr Williams has got a bad cold. He
feels he ought to go home and go to bed.
Twenty past ten.
That's earlier than usual.
The golf tournament's up in
Lancashire, he's got a long drive.
Why do we believe Graham? We must be mad.
I don't think he works in that bank.
He does. I've seen him there.
When did you first meet him?
That could be the signal?
It is the signal.
"Head Office here.
Mortimer, Security Section."
"Would you mind holding on a
moment, please?"
Ah! It's like having an arm amputated.
Careful! Mind my eyes!
Think of the money.
Here, you better take these.
- Where are we going?
- Rio.
That's right.
You pick me up with the
money as Graham said.
Instead of getting the B.O.A.C.
plane to Zurich... and I are going to Rio.
You are a divine bastard.
Oh! I forgot the moustache.
Mr Graham. Lady Dorset called.
They will be able to
keep their appointment.
Thank you, Janet.
Everything's ready.
It's on.
My husband and I have an
appointment with Mr Graham.
I'm afraid we're a little late.
He's gone to get some cigarettes.
He'll only be a minute.
That's quite all right, My Lady,
I don't look up until gone
half-past-three most days.
Oh, good.
Will it be all right?
Of course, it will.
Keep calm, or you'll ruin everything.
Nick should phone in a few seconds.
Oh, my God! Don't look round.
He's turned up without telephoning first.
Oh, Christ,
it's Thompson...
...a real Inspector.
- Hello.
- Oh, Janet.
Er, Mr Smith is busy for the moment,
I'll take his calls.
Mr Graham's taking Mr Smith's calls.
I'm putting you through.
Hello, Mr Graham.
Mr Graham...
Mr Graham!
Mr Graham, are you there? Are you there?
Graham here.
Our clients aren't able to complete today.
Expect further instructions tomorrow.
Thank God it was Nick.
Now, Britt.
You go back to the apartment.
I'll see you there at three
o'clock tomorrow afternoon.
Hello, Mr Graham.
Put your wig on, Nick.
You're still working for me.
I refuse.
Come on darling,
you never liked short hair.
Well, I like it now.
I order you to wear that wig!
Mind your tongue, Graham.
You're lucky to have me as a partner.
Your plan was foolproof remember?
I'm fed up with your aristocratic crap!
I see.
Well, in that case, I suggest you
get someone else to do your dirty work.
Come on, Britt,
we're not living here any longer.
Nick, no!
- Shall I run after him?
- No!
No, he'll get over it.
My plan's beginning to go wrong.
Britt. You're going to have to
make Nick feel confident again.
I'm afraid you'll have plenty of time.
We can't expect Williams
to oblige two Fridays running.
I only hope to God, we can hold
things together long enough.
We must, Mr Graham.
I don't want to be without you.
you better lock the door.
We'll have an absolutely nice afternoon,
and stupid Mr Williams is watching
his stupid golf... in the rain.
Hope he catches pneumonia.
Oh, Monday morning blues, Mr Graham?
Will you see the directors from
Domestic Appliances at twelve o'clock?
Mr Smith feels he has
too much to do already.
But they're Mr Williams' clients.
It's unlike him...
It was very wet on Saturday.
He caught a cold. A real one.
Well, surely you've noticed he isn't in.
- I thought he had an outside appointment.
- Oh, he had. I cancelled it.
No one can help being ill.
- When did you know he wasn't coming in?
- Only an hour ago. His wife phoned.
All right. Thank you, Miss Welsh.
I have to go out for an appointment.
I'll be back in plenty of time to cope.
Thank you, Mr Graham. I like your tie.
My mother gave it to me.
I can't find my credit cards.
Have you seen my wallet?
- Hello.
- Lady Dorset.
Oh, erm...
A person to speak to you, M'Lady.
Ssh! I'm very, very late.
Make up some excuse.
- I should say so.
- Hello.
There's no need to shout.
Mr Graham.
Hello. Hello!
Mr Too-big-for-your-boots.
Better take... who?
Hello. Britt,
why don't you answer your phone?
I've been trying to get
through all the morning.
Look, we have to do it today.
Williams is away sick. It's a miracle.
Where's Nick?
At the House of Lords.
He went there to sulk.
Oh, could you give this
message to Lord Dorset?
...that effluents and discharge
which did not come within the
control of the 1951 Act,
because they had pre-existed
that piece of legislation,
should now be picked up and dealt with
in the same way as the more recent ones.
On the other hand, I know...
and I hope the noble Lord opposite
will be able to make this perfectly
clear once again when he comes to reply
that the process of
picking up older effluents
and discharges which are produced,
and which can at the present time be
controlled under the 1951 Act...
...should be continued unabated.
The non-classified...
Dear Mr Williams...
I shall not be at work tomorrow.
I'm sorry it's such short notice,
but I've had a lot of pain today.
My dentist thinks I'll need to spend
a day or so in bed, afterward.
The gums should have been
attended to years ago.
I'll be back at work, without fail,
on Wednesday morning.
- Oh, the tickets!
- Don't worry, I'll get some more.
- Where to?
- Quantas this time.
You can't go to Rio on a Monday.
We're going to Fiji.
Fiji! Hm!
...the flight to Honolulu last
Friday, but I had to cancel.
Well, yeah, can you get me
on a plane today, please?
Seventy seconds starting from...!
Good luck.
Head Office here.
Mortimer, Security Section.
Would you mind, erm...
holding on a moment, please. Thank you.
Thank you.
Please sit down.
Nick is ready.
- Mr Williams, please.
- Mr Williams is away ill.
- Mr Smith is taking his calls.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Er... may I speak to Mr Smith, please?
- Yes.
- Head Office here.
Ah, Head Office.
We're sending over a new
Inspector, er, Mr Edwards.
Yes, I've got that. Good.
I'll call back on the direct
line for confirmation. Goodbye.
Thank you.
Head Office Security, Mr Mortimer.
Who is speaking, please?
Smith here,
Grosvenor Crescent Branch.
Er... confirmation for
Mr Edwards' visit, please.
Mr Mortimer is speaking to a client on
the other line, will you hold on, Mr Smith?
He won't be long. Thank you.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I didn't know we had any
foreign young ladies at Head Office.
Miss Barton's on holiday.
I'm her stand-in.
Out of the Common Market, are you, mm?
I'm from Jamaica, Mr Smith.
Here's Nick.
- Thank you.
- Thank you. Please, come in.
Good afternoon.
Mr Smith? Here's Mr Mortimer.
So sorry to have kept you. 'Bye, 'bye.
Mortimer here, Security.
Sorry to have kept you.
Smith, Grosvenor Crescent Branch.
Confirmation on Mr Edwards' visit.
- Height six foot.
- Height six foot.
- Age thirty-nine.
- Age thirty-nine.
- Eyes blue.
- Eyes blue.
- Hair brown.
- Hair brown.
- Black coat and striped trousers.
- Black coat and striped trousers.
- Glasses.
- Glasses.
Authority to inspect, Number Ninety-Seven.
Authority to inspect, Number...
I'm right about that. Thank you.
Oh, yes, you're really giving
us some special attention.
Two inspections in four days.
Can't be too careful.
Oh, I quite agree,
one can't be too careful.
You never know,
one of these days we might decide
to investigate you, Mr Smith.
Mr Edwards will be with you
in ten minutes. Goodbye.
Thank you very much.
Good afternoon.
- Goodbye, Mr Graham.
- Goodbye, ma'am.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, sir.
Thank you, sir.
- Good afternoon, sir.
- Good afternoon.
Yes, sir.
Er... Janet.
A bit of an emergency.
I have to go to the dentist.
I've left a letter on my
desk for Mr Williams...
er... just in case I can't get in tomorrow.
Head Office is really keeping
an eye on us these days.
We had an inspection last Friday.
Er... Harrow Road Police Station here.
I'm afraid Mr Smith isn't available at
the moment. I can pass him a message.
My Wife!
Yeah. Yes.
I'll come right away.
Oh, Janet.
Get Graham down here to relieve
me, will you?
The dentist!
That was the police. My wife.
Apparently there's been an accident.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I must get upstairs to the outside phone,
but there's no-one to relieve me.
Graham's gone to the dentist.
I hope it's not too serious.
You'd better go and find out.
- Yes, but...
- Don't be silly. Off you go.
- Look the grille behind you.
- I will.
Thank you. Thank you.
Emergency. I'm needed upstairs.
The Inspector will stay locked in
the strong-room. Back in a moment.
Very good, sir.
Everything all right, Guard?
Yes, sir. Quiet as a grave.
All right, you can open up.
We'll continue the inspection.
- I'm very sorry the line was dead.
- What do you mean?
They'd rung off.
Well, do you think it was a hoax?
Well, I rang the Harrow Road Police
Station. They knew nothing about it.
You being hard on any of
your customers lately?
I rang my wife at home,
she was... having a cup of tea.
- Look, I'm very sorry about this.
- Forget it!
Would you like to run
through the procedures again,
I'd like to do it by the book.
That won't be necessary. I've made a
check. I can certainly say I'm satisfied.
Whatever you say.
What you need is a... cup of tea.
Yes, I must admit...
I did get a bit of a shock.
Come on... old chap.
I'm glad to know your wife's well.
Any children?
Yes, we've got two.
Boys? Girls?
- One of each.
- Oh, how nice!
- Inspection finished, Guard.
- Very good.
Take the shaft.
Well, it's been quite
an afternoon for you.
And for you, too.
That will be in order.
Yes, Lady Dorset, we've made a...
a note of that.
Yes, just go to the Guard
at the side entrance.
He has instructions how
to deal with the matter.
One moment, M'Lady.
If you'll come this way,
we'll attend to you.
- Cab, sir?
- Piss off!
This weighs a bit, M'Lady.
What have you got in here? Gold bars?
No gold bars, just lots of papers.
Been robbing the bank, have you?
How did you guess?
London Airport.
You rude sod!
I'll give you a tenner if
you make it in thirty minutes.
Fifteen if we make it, ten if we don't.
Can't you go any faster?
Come back next week.
I'm fitting a supercharger.
What would you like me to do?
Dig a tunnel?
Might get there quicker.
You can always get out and
walk, you know, mate.
Don't be rude. Shut up!
- We'll never make it, sir. Not now.
- Wait!
Wait here.
What do you expect me to do in this lot?
A vertical take-off?
Now where are you going? Look...
do you want to go to the airport or not?
Airport Currency Control.
I happen to know there's a
woman calling herself Lady Dorset
who's planning to leave the
country within the hour,
with a substantial amount of
money, in cash.
Er... either Switzerland or Fiji.
Call me a friend of the family.
Pan American Airways
announce the departure
of Flight One Two One to
Los Angeles and Honolulu.
This is the final call for passengers
travelling on B.O.A.C.
jet Flight Nine One Four to
Zurich, Beirut, Delhi,
Bangkok and Hong Kong.
Excuse me, Lady Dorset.
I wonder if you'd mind coming this way?
I'm sure it won't take a moment.
If you like.
Quantas, Australia's
round the world airline...
Has Lady Dorset checked in yet?
...announce the departure
of their flight Two Five Eight One.
This is an announcement by B.O.A.C.
Will Lady Dorset passenger on B.O.A.C.
flight Nine One Four to Zurich
report immediately to
the departure lounge.
This is the final call for
B.O.A.C.'s flight Nine One Four...
I'm sorry, Lady Dorset,
we have to follow up these calls,
you understand, however mad.
Of course.
But don't worry we'll get you through
on to the plane in time.
Thank you very much.
Did she suggest that...
you and she went away
together, with the money?
Of course, I didn't agree.
I agreed... in the end.
I agreed, straight away.
- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
Our flight time to Zurich
will be one hour twenty-five
minutes and we shall be flying...
Oh, yes.
What will you do now?
Back to the Bank.
Christ, you've got guts!
They won't suspect me.
And you?
Oh, something'll turn up.
It always has.
Mr Graham?
Couldn't we try it again...
next year?
Call me, next March.
I'll either be there or...
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