Permanent Midnight (1998) Movie Script
1
[ Man ]
YOU KNOW
WHAT'S MORTIFYING ?
SMACK IS LIKE
THE LEISURE SUIOF THE '90s.
INSTEAD OF WRECKING
DAD'S BUICK
ON PROM NIGHT,
THESE LITTLE SUBURBAN FUCKS
ARE COPPING HABITS
AND O.D.'ING IN THE REC ROOM.
[ Woman ]
AND YOU'RE
DIFFERENT BECAUSE ?
[ Man ]
I NEVER GOT TO THE PROM.
TRADED MY CUMMERBUND
FOR TWO BAGS AND A RIG.
[ Woman ]
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY YOU
DID THE SHIT THAT YOU DID ?
[ Man ]
DID YOU EVER READ THAT INTERVIEW
WITH WILLIAM BURROUGHS...
WHERE THEY ASKED HIM
WHY HE SHOT HEROIN ?
HE SAID, "SO I COULD GET UP
IN THE MORNING AND SHAVE."
[ Woman ]
SO IT WAS LIKE
A GROOMING THING.
[ Man ]
ARE YOU KIDDING ?
I HATED TO SHAVE.
BUT IN HOLLYWOOD,
YOU GOTTA LOOK YOUR BEST.
WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN'
WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN'
WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN'
THE WHOLE WORLD
SMILES WITH YOU
SMILES WITH YOU
AND WHEN YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
OH, YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
OH, YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
MMM, AND THE SUN
COMES SHININ' THROUGH
SHININ' THROUGH
YOU LOOK SO MORONIC
IN YOUR LITTLE
FAST-FOOD OUTFIT.
YEAH, WELL,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
SERVING AMERICA'S
FROZEN FISH NEEDS IS NOMY PRIMARY CALLING.
[ Woman ] OH, I'M SORRY.
COLLEGE BOY.
BRO ?
WHERE'D YOU GO ?
HOW CAN I HELP YOU ?
UH, LET'S SEE.
GIVE ME A FISH SANDWICH,
WITH EXTRA SAUCE.
YOU GOT THAT, UH--
THAT GOOD SAUCE ?
TARTAR ?
YEAH. YEAH.
GOB IT ON THERE.
OH, YEAH ?
SO WHAT'S YOUR M.O. ?
HUH ?
PICKING UP
EASY BURGER BOYS
AT THE DRIVE-THRU ?
GETTIN' 'EM BOUNCED
OUT OF REHAB ?
UH-HUH.
HEY, YOU GUYS
STILL OPEN ? HEY !
YOU GUYS STILL OPEN ?
YOU'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY.
SORRY. DO YOU HAVE
SOME MATCHES ?
I JUST NEED SOME MATCHES.
MATCHES ?
YEAH.
YEAH, SURE. WE KEEP 'EM
WITH THE KIDDIE MEALS.
I'LL GET 'EM.
HEY, YOU'RE ONE
OF THOSE REHAB PATIENTS,
AREN'T YOU ?
WHAT IS IT ?
WHIMPERING WOUNDS
OR SOMETHING ?
JESUS.
WHISPERING WINDS.
HEY, IT'S OBVIOUS.
YOU'RE TOO DARNED SAD-LOOKING
JUST TO BE ANOTHER RETARD
IN A PINK VISOR.
IT'S RED.
OH.
DO YOU WANNA GO HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE ?
DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A CUP
OF COFFEE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW ?
YEAH.
[ Grunting ]
[ Moaning ]
SHIT ! SHIT ! WAIT !
[ Breathing Heavily ]
ALL RIGHT.
OH, I WISH I WAS HIGH.
SHIT !
AHH !
SORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
I'VE NEVER DONE THIS
STRAIGHT BEFORE.
TRUST ME. ON SMACK,
I WAS A REAL STUD.
THE FIRST TIME
ANYBODY TOUCHED ME
AFTER I GOT CLEAN,
I THOUGHT, JESUS,
THAT'S WHY I NEEDED DRUGS.
THAT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO.
YEAH, WELL, I GOT 92 DAYS.
BUT WHO'S COUNTING, RIGHT ?
SO WHAT, DID I GET YOU
IN TROUBLE ?
IT'S NO BIG THING.
BESIDES, MY THREE-MONTH STRETCH
OF REHABILITATIVE FRY COOK
THERAPY WAS UP TOMORROW ANYWAY.
I JUST MISSED THE MUGGING.
THE WHAT ?
YOU GET A MUG WHEN
YOU FINISH YOUR STINT.
RIGHT.
I FORGOT THAT PART.
ANYWAY, I GOTTA
GET BACK TO L.A.
OH, GODDAMN,
YOU'RE FROM L.A. ?
I'M NOT, BUT I MOVED OUT THERE
TO PURSUE MY ART.
...WHO SAYS, "I WANT YOU
TO MEET BESSIE."
THAT'S WHERE THEY KEPMR. CHOMPERS.
MR. CHOMPERS ?
LIKE THE PUPPET ?
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU,
A PUPPETEER ?
YES, I'M A PUPPETEER.
I'M A WRITER.
YOU WRITE THAT CRAP ?
WROTE.
OH, GOD.
I GET IT. YOU'RE LIKE
THIS-- THIS ANGSTY,
ARTY HEMINGWAY TYPE...
WHO, LIKE, SOLD OUTO HOLLYWOOD, HIT THE NEEDLE
AND ENDED UP IN REHAB.
YOU TV GEEKS DON'DO ANYTHING ORIGINAL,
DO YOU ?
ACTUALLY, THE...
TV GEEK PART IS JUSA LITTLE SIDE EFFECT.
I WAS GETTING
A LITTLE TOO FUCKED UP
IN NEW YORK...
SO I THOUGHT...
I'LL, UH, MOVE OUTO CALIFORNIA
AND GET AWAY FROM DRUGS.
SO YOU WENT TO L.A.
TO GET AWAY FROM DRUGS.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
I MISCALCULATED.
HEY, IT'S AN HONEST MISTAKE.
HEY, I'M ALL ABOUT HONESTY.
SO YOU, UH--
YOU CAME OUT COLD,
OR DID YOU
KNOW SOMEBODY ?
[ Grunts ]
WHY DO YOU WANTO KNOW ALL THIS ?
WELL, REALLY, THERE'S
ONLY TWO THINGS YOU CAN DO
IN A HOTEL ROOM,
AND, UM, WE ALREADY
DID ONE OF THEM,
MORE OR LESS.
YEAH, I SURE SHOWED YOU
A GOOD TIME, DIDN'T I ?
YEAH. EXCELLENT.
COME ON. TELL ME.
WELL, I HAD
THIS FRIEND, NICKY,
WHO WAS, UH,
KIND OF A DRUG BUDDY
FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
CAREFUL, CAREFUL, CAREFUL.
THIS IS GREAT.
IT IS GREAT,
BUT THIS IS A BIG MACHINE,
SO BE CAREFUL.
I NEVER HAD A CAR BEFORE.
THIS IS EXCELLENT.
REALLY ?
TRY IT OUT, MAN.
GIVE IT A SPIN.
TRY OUT THE BRAKES.
HE WAS ONE OF THOSE GUYS
WHO WAS ALWAYS SCHEMING UP SHITHAT ALMOST HAPPENED.
AND I WAS POPPING
SO MANY OF HIS PILLS
IT ALL SOUNDED GREAT.
[ Laughing ]
WELL, HE GAVE
THE SCRIPT TO A GUY
WHO HE PLAYS GOLF WITH...
WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE
A LOT OF MONEY, MO LEVINE.
MO LEVINE.
MO LEVINE.
THIS GUY, MO LEVINE,
READ IT.
HE LIKES IT.
HE LOVES IT.
HE SAYS HE MIGHT WANTO PUT ON THE PLAY.
ARE YOU FUCKING
KIDDING ME ?
NO, I AM NOT KIDDING YOU.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
AND YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING
THIS UNDER YOUR HAT ?
HE REALLY WANTS
TO PUT IT ON ?
NO, HE SERIOUSLY MIGHT.
THE PLAY'S THE THING.
THIS IS GREAT, MAN.
WHAT A DAY. WHAT A DAY
TO BE CRUISIN' AROUND.
I THINK WE MADE A FINE CHOICE.
CRUISIN' ON A SUMMER
AFTERNOON
I NEVER HAD A CAR.
OKAY, IT'S LIKE
BOY MEETS CHUCKLEHEAD,
AND THEN WHAT ?
BOY GETS
THIS TERRIFIC JOB...
WRITING, UH,
ALIEN PUPPET SITCOM ?
WELL, IT WASN'T REALLY
THAT SIMPLE.
I KINDA HAD TO SLEEP
MY WAY TO THE MIDDLE.
REALLY ? YOU AND NICKY ?
NO. NICKY AND I
DREW THE LINE AT NECKING.
ACTUALLY,
HE HAD THIS GIRLFRIEND...
WHO HAD A GIRLFRIEND
WHO NEEDED A GREEN CARD.
THERE'S ABOUT 200
OF THESE TURKISH FISHERMEN
STANDING AROUND ON THE DECK.
AND BECAUSE
IT WAS A HOLIDAY, THEY
WERE FALLING OVER DRUNK.
AND I'M WEARING
THESE INCREDIBLY HIGH HEELS...
AND HAULING
THIS MASSIVE CAKE DONE UP
LIKE THE AMERICAN FLAG.
SANDRA, WHAT YOU'RE DESCRIBING
SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL SCENE
FOR JERRY, WHO'S A GOOD WRITER.
BY THE TIME I FINISHED
RUNNING THAT GAUNTLET,
I LOOKED LIKE I'D
BEEN CAKE WRESTLING.
VOLA, IS
MY FUTURE HUSBAND
ALWAYS LIKE THIS ?
I MEAN, HE CAN BEHAVE
NORMALLY, RIGHT ?
NO, NOT REALLY.
- ESPECIALLY WHEN BENNY'S
MADE A HOUSE CALL.
- WHICH HE HASN'T.
I DON'T ASSOCIATE
WITH BENNY ANYMORE.
YOU'VE MADE THAT CLEAR,
AND I UNDERSTOOD IT.
ASK JERRY.
WHO'S BENNY ?
THAT'S RIGHT.
[ Vola ] THIS
PREPUBESCENT DRUG DEALER.
HEIDEGGER ?
YOU A BIG FAN OF HIS ?
WELL, I'M TRYING
TO GET THROUGH IT.
IT'S NOT EXACTLY
LIGHT SUMMER READING.
BUT IT'S PROBABLY GOOD FOR
PLOT LINES AND CHARACTER NAMES,
STUFF LIKE THAT. RIGHT ?
HAVE YOU SEEN
MR. CHOMPERS ?
I DON'T HAVE A TV.
THIS IS A GOOD GIVE-AND-TAKE.
SHE LIKES TO BULLSHIT,
YOU LIKE TO BULLSHIT.
THIS COULD BE
A LITTLE LIKE--
CAN I HAVE--
YES, YOU MAY HAVE
THE PIPE.
IT'S OVER HERE,
THEN IT'S OVER HERE.
AND THEN IT'S OVER HERE--
[ Pants Rip ]
[ Sandra ]
OH, JERRY, YOU DON'HAVE TO CHARM ME.
- WE'RE ONLY GETTING
MARRIED ON PAPER.
- GET A LOAD OF THIS.
WHAT IS THIS OUTFIT ?
THIS IS LIKE MAD MAX HERE.
YEAH.
WHAT IS THIS, LEATHER ?
ACTUALLY,
IT'S JEWISH LEATHER.
IT'S DESIGNED
FOR HUMILIATION.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
SHE'S OKAY.
SHE'S OKAY.
SHE'S BRITISH.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
IT MEANS SHE'S BRITISH.
SHE'S COOL.
YOU'RE GONNA REALLY DIG HER
WHEN YOU GET TO KNOW HER.
I DON'T WANNA KNOW HER, VOLA.
I'M JUST GETTING
MARRIED TO HER.
I'M JUST SAYING,
SHE'S NICE.
YEAH, IF YOU GO
FOR THAT STUDIED,
NONCHALANT BRIT TYPE OF THING.
SUCK MY DICK.
HOW'S IT GOING ?
WONDERFUL. YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S
FACE IS TWO INCHES FROM MY ASS.
I'M IN SEVENTH HEAVEN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
A FICTION WRITER.
OH, NICKY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
SHE HAD THE BOOK,
AND I SAID
THAT YOU WERE IN IT.
I'M NOT EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THAT.
JESUS !
I'M NOT GONNA
BACK OFF FROM THAT.
HE WON AN AWARD FOR THAT.
HE'S A GOOD WRITER.
JERRY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
COME DOWN AND MEET CRAIG.
WE'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR NEW WRITERS.
OH, MR., UH, MUNCH MAN ?
MR. CHOMPERS,
ACTUALLY. RIGHT.
MR. CHOMPERS.
WE REALLY DO TRY
TO PUSH THE FORM,
STRANGE AS IT MAY SOUND.
MY HUSTLER CREDENTIALS
WILL JUST SLIP ME RIGHIN THE DOOR THERE.
ARE WE TRYING TO PLAN
A WEDDING OR WHAT ?
WHEN DO YOU WANNA DO THIS ?
- WHAT ABOUT NOW ?
- NOW ?
YEAH.
RIGHT NOW ?
THERE'S
AN ALL-NIGHT CHAPEL
DOWN ON ALVARADO.
THAT'S RIGHT. THERE IS.
SHOULD WE DO THAT ?
JERRY, TODAY'S
A GOOD DAY TO DIE.
HOW MUCH
DID THEY PAY YOU ?
WHAT ?
TO GET MARRIED.
THREE THOUSAND.
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
MM-HMM.
DID YOU LOVE HER ?
OCCASIONALLY.
DID SHE LOVE YOU ?
I THINK SHE, UH, SAW US
AS THIS POTENTIAL HOLLYWOOD
POWER COUPLE IN THE MAKING,
WHICH IS KIND OF LIKE LOVE.
[ Receptionist ]
MR. CHOMPERS. PLEASE HOLD.
- FEEL DIFFERENT BEING MARRIED ?
- WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO KEEP IPROFESSIONAL IN HERE, OKAY ?
OH. OKAY.
[ Man ]
SORRY I'M LATE.
BUT I WAS ACTUALLY DOING
THE ONE PART OF THIS JOB
THAT I ENJOY.
I WAS MEETING
WITH A GROUP
OF LIBRARIANS...
WHO WANT ME TO DEVELOP
A MR. CHOMPERS
LITERACY PROGRAM.
THIS FELLOW TESTS
HIGHER THAN BARNEY.
I'M AMAZED.
THAT'S REALLY QUITE
FANTASTIC, JERRY.
IT'S LIKE CRAIG'S DISCOVERED
SOME KIND OF...
UNTAPPED MYTH.
JERRY, SANDRA SHOWED ME
SOME OF YOUR FICTION
AND YOUR AWARDS,
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
POWERFUL STUFF.
ALMOST TOO POWERFUL.
I'M WONDERING
IF YOUR MIND CAN FUNCTION...
DOWN ON OUR LEVEL.
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE
OUR LITTLE FRIEND HERE ?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
WELL, I'M SURE
YOU HAVE SOME IDEAS
FOR OUR LOVABLE PUPPET.
I SAY FUCK
THE LOVABLE PUPPET.
THIS GUY'S
A WEB-TOED METAPHOR...
FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM
GONE BAD.
I SEE MR. CHOMPERS
AS A MODERN DAY
TOM JOAD.
I GREW UP IN PACIFIC GROVE.
I HUNG OUT ON CANNERY ROW.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THERE,
SANDRA ?
- NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
- I STARTED READING--
WHAT'S HIS NAME ?
- STEINBECK.
- STEINBECK-- WHEN I WAS NINE.
I LIKE THIS.
- THE LITTLE GUY.
- THE LITTLE GUY.
EVERYMAN. THE TRAMP.
I LIKE THIS.
THE DEFENDER
OF THE COMMON MAN.
GANDHI... IS GOING TOO FAR.
THIS COULD SERIOUSLY RESHAPE
THE SECOND SEASON BIBLE,
SANDRA.
HERE'S A PIECE OF SHIT,
JERRY.
I WROTE IT AND REWROTE IT,
BUT IT AIN'T WORKING.
IF YOU CAN MAKE THAT WORK,
YOU'RE ON. OKAY ?
OKAY.
SANDRA, GET ME A COPY
OF GRAPES OF WRATH.
JERRY, GOOD MEETING YOU.
[ Jerry ]
SO NOW I GOTTA REWRITE
CRAIG'S PIECE OF SHIT.
AND I'M SLEEPING
ON NICKY'S COUCH.
[ Woman ]
WERE YOU GETTING HIGH ?
MAINTENANCE, YOU KNOW.
ENOUGH POT TO BLIND AN OX AND
WHATEVER ELSE WAS LAYING AROUND.
[ Phone Ringing ]
HELLO.
MOM ?
MOM, THIS ISN'T THE BANK.
THIS IS JERRY IN CALIFORNIA.
YOU CALLED ME, MOM.
ALL RIGHT, FINE, MOM.
ARE YOU OKAY ?
MOM, ARE YOU OKAY ?
OKAY, MOM,
I REALLY MEAN THIS.
I HAVE TO GO.
I HOPE YOU HAVE
A WONDERFUL DAY.
GOOD-BYE, MOM.
MOM, GOOD-BYE.
[ Exhales ]
[ Man ]
SUICIDE IS ONE OF THE GREAMYSTERIES OF OUR TIME.
WHEN WARREN STAHL
TOOK HIS OWN LIFE,
HE TOOK A PART OF US WITH--
[ Woman #1 ]
I REALLY FEEL BAD.
SUCH A FORMATIVE AGE.
[ Man ]
WHAT A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE WASTE.
I MEAN, HE ACHIEVED SO MUCH.
OH, GOD !
[ Woman #2 ] HE ALWAYS HAD
THE DISCIPLINE FOR CREATIVITY.
I AM STEEL.
STEEL FEELS NOTHING.
[ Sobbing ]
WARREN. WARREN.
WHY, WARREN ?
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME
WITH THEM ? THEY HATE ME.
- WE DON'T HATE YOU, MOM.
- CORRECT ME
IF I'M WRONG, BRAD.
ISN'T IT ILLEGAL
TO NAME A CAT WARREN
IN THIS STATE ?
[ TV Audience Laughing ]
I WANT TO GO, TOO.
[ TV Audience Applauding ]
[ TV Stops ]
SO, WHAT DID
YOU THINK ?
IT'S REALLY WEIRD.
I WROTE THALIKE TEN DAYS AGO.
I THINK YOU SHOULD
BE REALLY PROUD.
HMM. "PROUD" ISN'THE FIRST WORD
THAT COMES TO MIND.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'VE HAD
A CRUSH ON YOU SINCE
THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU.
[ Woman ]
DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE SHE WAS TOO BAD.
[ Jerry ]
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL,
SHE WAS WITTY...
AND SHE HAD NO IDEA
WHO I REALLY WAS.
[ Woman ]
DID YOU KNOW
WHO SHE REALLY WAS ?
BE RIGHT BACK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
ARE YOU OKAY ?
[ Woman ]
DON'T TELL ME.
NOT THE MEDICINE CABINET.
[ Jerry ]
OH, YEAH.
BY THEN, I WAS A PRO.
YOU KNOW, THE OLD
COUGH-AND-FLUSH TECHNIQUE.
[ Coughs ]
COUGH WHEN YOU OPEN.
FLUSH WHEN YOU SHUT IT.
JERRY, ARE YOU OKAY ?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
WORKS PRETTY GOOD
UNLESS YOU FORGETO PUT BACK THE DRUGS.
THEN YOU HAVE TO FLUSH TWICE
AND PLEAD BAD PLUMBING.
[ Toilet Flushes ]
I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY
ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES
WE'VE HAD THIS SERIES.
REALLY ? OOH, THAT'S KIND
OF A SCARY THOUGHT.
DO YOU WANTO STAY THE NIGHT ?
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M GONNA HEAD HOME.
IT'S GETTING KINDA LATE.
AND I GOTTA GET UP TOMORROW
AND ALL THAT... STUFF.
JERRY,
I'VE HAD AN IDEA.
YOU HAVEN'T FOUND ANYWHERE
TO LIVE YET, HAVE YOU ?
UH, NO.
I'M NOT REALLY TOO GOOD
AT LOOKING FOR PLACES.
I'M MUCH BETTER
AT MOVING OUT.
WELL, I WAS JUSTHINKING THAT--
YOU KNOW,
IT COULD REALLY HELP
MY GREEN CARD SITUATION...
IF-- IF WE LIVED
UNDER THE SAME ROOF.
I'VE GOT THIS SPARE BEDROOM
THAT I NEVER GO INTO...
WHICH YOU COULD WORK IN,
UNDISTURBED ALL DAY,
'CAUSE I'D BE AT WORK.
- IT'S NOT THAT WE'RE
MOVING IN MOVING IN--
- RIGHT.
THE ONLY THING IS,
THERE'S ACTUALLY THIS GUY
WHO, UH,
I HAD KINDA GONE DOWN
THE ROAD WITH ON A PLACE,
AND I FEEL LIKE I'D BE
KINDA LEAVING HIM
IN THE LURCH...
IF I JUST, UH--
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?
THANKS.
JERRY.
YEAH, I CAN'T--
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
I'M STILL SPINNING FROM THAT,
AND IT WAS--
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE YET.
THAT'S WHERE I'M AT.
SO, UH-- BUT, UH,
I'M JUST GONNA, UH--
I'M GONNA, UH--
I'M GONNA LET MYSELF OUT,
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE ?
I DIDN'T HAVE A WALLEWHEN I WAS MAKING
FIVE GRAND A WEEK.
ALL THAT MONEY.
WHAT ABOUT THE SWIMMING POOLS
AND DOING COKE IN LIMOS
ALL NIGHT ?
TRY SLEEPING
ON NICKY'S COUCH,
EATING HIS PAINKILLERS...
AND DRIVING
A '76 CADDY.
[ Man ]
WELL, A YOUNG MAN
AIN'T NOTHIN'
IN THIS WORLD THESE DAYS
AH, WELL, A YOUNG MAN
WHERE ARE MY PILLS ?
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PILLS ?
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT ?
BENNY'S PERCODAN,
THEY'RE GONE.
DID I PUT THEM IN--
DID I MISPLACE 'EM ?
YOU KEEP THEM IN THIS THING ?
YES. NO, THEY'RE
NOT IN THERE.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE.
DID I PUT THEM HERE ?
THEY COULDN'T HAVE JUSGOTTEN UP AND WALKED AWAY.
LET'S FIND THEM.
LET'S SCOUR THE HOUSE.
YOU TAKE THAT SIDE,
I'LL TAKE THIS SIDE.
OKAY, SCOUR. BE THOROUGH.
GO THROUGH
ALL THAT STUFF.
THEY GOTTA BE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
COULD VOLA
HAVE TAKEN MY DRUGS ?
IS THAT POSSIBLE ?
I DOUBT VOLA WOULD DO THAT.
I SERIOUSLY DOUBSHE WOULD DO IT.
BUT I DON'T KNOW HER
AS WELL AS YOU DO.
I DON'T WANTO RUSH TO JUDGMENT.
JUST KEEP LOOKING.
MAN, WHERE THE FUCK
ARE MY DRUGS, MAN ? THIS--
NICKY. NICKY. NICKY !
WHAT ?
CHILL OUT FOR A SECOND.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
VISUALIZE THE LAST TIME
YOU REMEMBER ACTUALLY
SEEING THE PILLS.
IF I WAS PERCODAN,
WHERE WOULD I BE ?
BATHROOM MAYBE ?
BATH-- THAT'S SO OBVIOUS
IT COULD WORK.
I'LL CHECK THE RESOF THE ROOM IN HERE, OKAY ?
I'M ON IT IN HERE.
NO, IT COULDN'T HAVE
JUST WALKED AWAY.
[ Clanking ]
ANY LUCK ?
NO. WHAT ABOUT YOU ?
NOPE.
KEEP LOOKIN'.
[ Snapping Fingers ]
OH, YOU CAN STOP
LOOKING, JERRY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FIND ANYTHING.
DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
SIT DOWN.
SIT DOWN, JERRY.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT ?
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
LET ME LAY IT OUFOR YOU.
OKAY, NICKY, FIRST OF ALL--
EXCUSE ME.
LET ME FINISH THIS.
YOU AND I GO OUT.
LITTLE BENNY,
INNOCENT LITTLE BENNY,
COMES IN,
STEALS THE DRUGS,
MAKES OUT, IS RIGHT NOW
HIGH AS A KITE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM.
THAT LITTLE FUCKER BENNY.
YEAH, THAT LITTLE FUCKER.
HE SEES HIS ANGLE
AND HE PLAYS IT.
[ Phone Ringing ]
I'VE ALWAYS HAD
A WEIRD FEELING ABOUT THAT KID.
HE'S DEFINITELY GOT--
LET'S SLOW DOWN
A LITTLE BIT.
[ Ringing Continues ]
HE'S A GOOD FRIEND.
[ Answering Machine
Picks Up ]
NICKY, HE'S 12 YEARS OLD.
HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR JERRY
FROM HIS SISTER.
JERRY,
YOU-YOU BETTER CALL ME.
YOU HAVE TO COME--
WELL, COME BACK
TO PITTSBURGH.
MOMMY DIED.
SHE, UH-- UH--
[ Machine Beeps ]
TAKE YOUR TIME
BACK UP A LITTLE BIT
COME ON NOW, PEOPLE
GET YOURSELVES
OUT OF HERE
[ Woman ]
SO WHAT HAPPENED ?
YOU WENT BACK TO SANDRA ?
[ Jerry ]
NO. I WAS SENTIMENTAL
AFTER CLEANING UP MOM'S BLOOD.
SO I WENT TO A BAR
WHEN I GOT BACK TO L.A.
[ Announcer ]
WITH LOS ANGELES HOLDING
A ONE-POINT LEAD AT 15 TO 14,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ Commercial Announcer ]
SUNDAY, MR. CHOMPERS
HAS GOT A NEW PET.
[ Mr. Chompers ]
BRAD, MEET BESSIE.
[ Brad ]
WHAT A DIVINE BOVINE !
TURN IT OFF, JOE.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
[ Jerry ]
SHE HATED MR. CHOMPERS,
WHICH TURNED ME ON
IMMEDIATELY.
I'M JERRY.
DAGMAR.
FROM DRESDEN.
JERRY STAHL.
STAHL. STAHL.
YOU KNOW WHAT "STAHL" MEANS
IN GERMAN ?
IT MEANS JERRY STEEL.
[ Slow Pop ]
MY HUSBAND
WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT.
OH, YEAH ?
YEAH.
WHY ?
HIS FAMILY MAKES STEEL.
OH. WHAT FAMILY IS THAT ?
THE KRUPPS.
JESUS, THE KRUPPS.
THEY'RE, LIKE,
FAMOUS NAZIS, RIGHT ?
YOU CAN HURT ME
YOU LIKE IT NOW ?
SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
I THINK THIS QUALIFIES
AS A SPECIAL OCCASION.
[ Woman ]
THIS IS THE SERIAL NUMBER
OF OUR ORBITING GUN
S-H-1
0-1-5-1
YOU BETTER BE SURE
BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME
FOR ANOTHER ONE
YOU CAN HURT ME
I CAN HURT YOU
YOU CAN
HURT ME
KISS ME.
YOU CAN HURT ME
KISS ME.
I CAN HURT YOU
YOU CAN HURT ME
OH ! MY GOD !
MY GOD !
I'M BEING FUCKED BY A JEW !
[ Knocking ]
JERRY, HI.
IS IT TOO LATE ?
NO. NO. COME IN.
LOOK, I HEARD
ABOUT YOUR MOM.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
YEAH. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
LOOK, I JUST MADE
A CUP OF TEA.
I'LL GET YOU ONE.
WHY DON'T YOU JUSSIT DOWN ?
COULD I STAY HERE ?
CAN I STAY HERE ?
[ Woman ]
YOU'RE SERIOUSLY DISTURBED.
HMM ? WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?
- I'M GOING HOME.
- COME ON. COME BACK TO BED.
GOD, YOU'RE A MESS.
OH. WELL, YEAH, I KNEW
WE HAD SOMETHING IN COMMON.
IT TOOK ME
EVERYTHING I HAD,
BUT I GOT CLEAN.
YEAH, I KNOW. REMEMBER ?
WHY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE WHAT,
50 DAYS CLEAN ?
THAT'S NOTHING.
YOU'RE STILL
A FUCKING JUNKIE.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE
TO GO BACK TO REHAB
AND I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.
- WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF ?
- I'M NOT AFRAID, JERRY.
BULLSHIT. YOU'RE OUT HERE,
COMPLETELY ALONE, IN THE MIDDLE
OF FUCKING NOWHERE,
WORKING
SOME WEIRD-ASS JOB.
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME
YOU ACTUALLY HAD FUN ?
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU
LET YOURSELF HAVE A GOOD TIME ?
NOW. RIGHT ? THIS IS IT.
NOW, RIGHT ? THE LAST DAY.
AND IT JUST FREAKS YOU
THE FUCK OUT.
YOU ARE TOTALLY AFRAID.
AND YOU'RE
SO FUCKING INTIMATE.
FUCK.
WHAT ?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME.
MY NAME'S KITTY.
KITTY ?
IS THAT FUNNY ?
NO. I JUST--
I DIDN'T TAKE YOU
FOR A KITTY, BUT--
WHAT ? KITTY.
OH !
WHAT ?
KITTY.
KITTY.
KITTY.
OH !
I GOTTA GO.
NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW.
YOU'LL MISS THE BEST PART.
[ Jerry ]
BY NOW, SANDRA AND I
WERE DEEP INTO THE CHARADE.
OOPS. SORRY.
I DROPPED THE IRON.
I'LL GIVE YOU A TYPICAL DAY.
- SHE WAKES UP AT 7:00,
HEADS TO WORK--
- JERRY, I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.
JERRY, I'VE GOTTA--
JERRY-- OH !
TWO HOURS LATER,
I SLIME OUT OF BED
AND START MY REGIMEN.
WAKE UP.
UNCROSS MY EYES.
OW ! OH !
MAMA PAJAMAS !
WHEAT GRASS. WHEAT GRASS.
FOLLOWED BY
A LITTLE WHEAT GRASS...
BECAUSE HEALTHY EATING
IS MY LIFE.
THEN IT'S OUTSIDE
FOR A FIVE-MILE JOG.
[ Kitty ]
WAIT. YOU'D SHOOT HEROIN
AND RUN FIVE MILES ?
[ Jerry ]
HEY, I WAS AN L.A. JUNKIE.
I HAD TO STAY FIT.
THEN IT WAS OFF
TO BEVERLY HILLS
TO CRANK OUT THE SNAPPY PATTER.
HELLO !
JERRY ! MY GOD,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?
DID YOU READ MY NOTES ?
I DID NOT READ THE NOTES
BECAUSE I JUST GOT HERE,
BUT I'D BE HAPPY--
LOOK, IT'S OBVIOUS
YOU NEED TO SORT THIS OUT.
PLEASE.
HELLO, JERRY.
THIS SHOW SUCKS.
AND YOU'RE
THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKER
THAT CAN HELP US !
HE'S FREAKING ME OUT, CRAIG.
HE'S FREAKING ME OUWITH THE PUPPET.
WE START THE FIRST ACWITH A FLASHBACK...
TO SEE MR. CHOMPERS
SEEING BRAD AND KATIE
HAVING THEIR FIRST FIGHT,
ONLY WE AGE BRAD AND KATIE
BACK FIVE YEARS...
AND THEN BEGIN THE SECOND ACEXACTLY THE SAME WAY.
WE HAVE
LITTLE MR. CHOMPERS HERE
GOADING EVERYBODY ON.
HE GOES TO THE FREEZER...
COME ON, MAN.
GIVE IT TO ME.
TO PREPARE AN ARANDULAN
FLESH TRANSFER.
THAT'S GOOD.
I LIKE THAT. I LOVE THAT.
IT'S BETTER.
JERRY, DIG IN.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO WALK HIM THROUGH IT.
I GOTTA CALL
THE NETWORK.
I GOTTA PEE.
THEN I'D LEAVE THE OFFICE,
HOP IN THE CADDIE,
TURN ON SOME TWISTED TALK RADIO.
HOLLYWOOD,
THE ONLY TOWN IN AMERICA WITH
A 24-HOUR SELF-HELP STATION.
[ Man On Radio ]
IN A WAY WHERE I COULD--
SHOOT BACK ACROSS TOWN
TO EAST L.A.
NOT TOO MUCH TRAFFIC
HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION.
JUST IN TIME TO HOOK UP
WITH MY REGULAR CONNECTION
AND SURROGATE FAMILY,
DITA AND HER SON, MIGUEL.
OH, JERRY, MAN, YOU
DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
HEY, I'M JEWISH.
I NEVER GOT TO DO THIS
WHEN I WAS A KID.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A CHRISTMAS TREE ? HOW COME ?
AYUDALO. AYUDALO.
YOU HEARD OF THE JEWS,
MIGUEL, RIGHT ?
YEAH. SO WHAT ?
DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT ILATER.
SO, HOW'S MIGUEL
DOING IN SCHOOL ?
HE'S DOING GOOD.
HMM ?
AH, HE COULD DO BETTER.
DOES HE DO HIS HOMEWORK
EVERY NIGHT ?
YEAH, BUT HE COULD
APPLY HIMSELF A LITTLE MORE.
WHEN YOU SAY
"APPLY HIMSELF,"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
HE COULD GET BETTER GRADES.
HE'S SMARTER THAN THAT.
BUT HE--
HE'S A SMART KID,
I'M TELLIN' YA.
I KNOW, BUT HE DOESN'HELP ME AROUND THE HOUSE.
I NEED HELP.
THIS PLACE IS TOO BIG.
HE NEEDS LIKE,
UH, YOU KNOW--
LIKE, A FATHER FIGURE.
HE DON'T NEED NO FATHER.
HE GOT ME.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD, LIKE,
TAKE HIM TO A BALL GAME
SOMETIME OR SOMETHING.
YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU KNOW,
JUST PAL AROUND WITH HIM.
OH, HE'S JUST LIKE HIS FATHER.
HE EATS AND HE EATS,
AND HE NEVER GETS FAT.
[ Jerry ]
WHERE DOES IT ALL GO ?
AREN'T YOU HUNGRY ?
YOU GOT A LITTLE
SCHNAUZER DOWN THERE ?
YOU WANT A TOMATO ?
TOMATO ?
IS IT ORGANIC ?
YEAH. FRESH OFF
THE PRODUCE TRUCK.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
NO. NEVER MIND.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
JERRY ONLY EATS HEALTHY.
TOMATOES ARE HEALTHY.
SOAKED IN CHEMICALS,
AMIGO.
[ Laughing,
Coughing ]
[ Coughing Continues ]
OH, HO, HO, HO. OH.
[ Miguel ]
HEY, JERRY.
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE GOING ?
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
YOUR TICKET.
HEY.
JERRY !
WHAT HAPPENED ?
MY BAD. MY BAD.
I WAS CAUGHT IN THIS
AMAZING WRITING GROOVE.
I WAS IN THIS WRITING...
HEAVEN...
FOR LIKE-- LIKE--
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG,
AND I TOTALLY LOST TRACK
OF EVERYTHING.
I WAS ON MARS,
OVER THE MOON.
STUFF WAS COMING OUT OF ME.
IT WAS LIKE I WAS
CHANNELING STRINDBERG,
BUT LIKE A FUNNY VERSION OF IT.
AND I ZONED.
UM, I'M JANA FARMER.
HEY.
I TRIED CALLING
THE HOUSE, JERRY.
THAT PHONE--
THE RINGER'S FUCKED.
EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE.
BUT IT'S REALLY--
AND THIS PLACE-- AM I CRAZY ?
THIS PLACE USED
TO BE ON LA BREA, 'CAUSE
I'M DRIVING UP, UM, LA BREA,
AND IT'S NOT THERE ANYMORE.
AND THEN THE GUY TELLS ME
THAT IT'S OVER HERE.
THIS IS-- ANYWAY,
I'M REALLY SORRY WE DIDN'T GEA CHANCE TO EAT AND, UH--
ARE YOU HUNGRY ?
BECAUSE THE CHEF'S DOING
A CURBSIDE THING NOW.
JUST PULL UP, AND HE'LL
RUN OUT WITH AN ARUGULA
SHAKE OR SOMETHING.
ARE YOU BEING--
[ Loud Laughter ]
OOH !
NOT HUNGRY.
JANA'S A GOOD FRIEND
OF MINE, JERRY.
SHE'S READ YOUR WORK,
AND SHE LIKES IT.
OH, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE YOUR WORK.
I THINK YOU'RE
A TREMENDOUS WRITER.
I'M NOT A TREMENDOUS WRITER.
I HEAR YOU ARE
A FANTASTIC AGENT.
I'M NOT JUST BLOWING SMOKE
UP YOUR CRACK. SANDRA TELLS ME
THE REAL DEAL ON THIS SHIT.
SHE SAYS THAT AMONG YOUR PEERS,
YOU'RE CONSIDERED
THE BEST AGENT IN THE WORLD.
WELL, I'M-- I'M GLAD
YOU'VE HEARD THAT...
BECAUSE I'D LOVE
TO REPRESENT YOU.
YOU'VE GOT A HUGE CAREER
AHEAD OF YOU.
WELL, I'LL FUCK IT UP.
GIVE ME A CHANCE.
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
I REGREWE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO TALK OVER DINNER,
BUT CALL ME TOMORROW.
I'M-I'M-I'M BLOWN AWAY.
I MEAN, THIS IS-- THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHY, THAT'S VERY
EUROPEAN OF YOU.
THANK YOU.
IS THIS LIKE A, UH, UH--
AN EAST INDIAN--
I REALLY DON'T KNOW
FROM WHENCE IT COMES.
I'LL MEET YOU BY THE CAR.
NICE MEETING YOU.
HEY, IT WAS WONDERFUL
MEETING YOU.
SHE'S WONDERFUL.
JANA'S GOING
TO TAKE ME HOME,
SO I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
IS EVERYTHING COOL ?
LET'S TALK
ABOUT IT LATER, OKAY ?
ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE.
[ Kitty ]
SO, WHAT'S AN AGENT DO ?
HOW CAN YOU EATHAT CRAP ?
IT'S SO BAD FOR YOU.
RIGHT. THIS FROM A MAN
WHO SHOT UP BLACK TAR...
SMUGGLED ACROSS THE BORDER
IN PEOPLE'S ASSES.
YEAH, WELL, AT LEASTHERE WAS NO M.S.G.
SO, YOU GET THIS AGENAND THEN WHAT ?
GET A GREAT GIG,
A HUGE ADVANCE,
BLOW ALL OF IT ON DOPE
AND COP A HABITHE SIZE OF UTAH.
[ People Chattering ]
[ Dance ]
- OH, GOD !
- HEY! JESUS ! FUCK !
DON'T YOU KNOCK, HUH ?
I'M TRYIN'
TO GET DRESSED HERE.
CAN I TALK TO YOU ?
I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.
THIS IS-- IT'S BEEN
CRAZY LATELY, YOU KNOW,
WITH THE SHOW
AND THE PLAY, WITH NICKY.
THIS IS SO WEIRD.
IT'S LIKE A WHOLE
NEW THING FOR ME.
I'M MAKING MORE MONEY
THAN MY DAD.
JERRY, CRAIG IS FIRING YOU.
WHAT ?
HE'S GETTING RID
OF YOU TOMORROW.
THAT-- THAT-- WHY ?
I-I-I SAVED HIS ASS LAST MONTH.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
HE LIKES YOU.
HE JUST-- HE CAN'WORK WITH YOU ANYMORE.
YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE,
YOU'RE ERRATIC
AND YOU'RE ALWAYS HIGH.
DID HE SAY THAT ?
DID HE SAY "ERRATIC" ?
OR IS THAT YOU PUTTING
A LITTLE SPIN ON IT ?
NO. MY WORDS
WOULD BE VERY DIFFERENT.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
WHAT ARE YOUR WORDS ?
WHAT WOULD YOUR WORDS BE ?
YOU ARE SO FULL
OF SELF-HATRED
THAT YOU CANNOT CONTAIN IT.
SO ALL YOU DO
IS SHOOT IT BACK
INTO YOUR VEINS...
AND LET IT SPIN OUONTO EVERYBODY ELSE.
THAT'S REALLY POETIC.
THAT'S REALLY GREAT.
CAN I USE THAT SOMETIME ?
YEAH, IF YOU'RE EVER
IN A FIT-ENOUGH STATE
TO WRITE ANOTHER LINE.
OKAY, CAN I, UM, HAVE
LIKE TWO SECONDS HERE ?
THERE'S A PARTY GOING ON
OUT HERE, YOU KNOW.
[ Continues ]
IT'S A REALLY COOL PLAY.
JERRY WROTE ITHREE YEARS AGO.
BUT IT'S-- IT'S
50 PERCENT AVANT POP.
IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE 'CAUSE
IT'S 50 PERCENT AVANT POP,
50 PERCENT SAM SHEPARD
MEETS ARTHUR C. CLARKE.
WE SPOON-FED IT TO HIM,
AND NOW I HEAR HE'S GOING
ALL AROUND TOWN...
PITCHING OUR IDEA
BACK TO OTHER NETWORKS.
HOW COULD HE DO THAT ?
THAT GUY'S SLIME.
HIS SECRETARIES WRITE
HIS SCRIPTS FOR HIM.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS,
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO COME
TO THESE PARTIES, RIGHT ?
AND EVERYBODY'S
TALKING ABOUT WORK.
THEY DON'T HAVE A FUCKING LIFE ?
YEAH.
I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT I HAVE
A REALLY RICH CIVILIAN LIFE.
I'D LIKE TO THINK
YOU DO, TOO. YOU KNOW ?
MOST DEFINITELY, YEAH.
SO TELL ME.
WHAT ARE YOUR PASSIONS ?
MY PASSIONS ?
UM, EVERYTHING I DO.
EVERYTHING.
HEY, WOULD YOU
EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND ?
NO, I WON'T. I WON'T.
YOU BLEW ME OFF FOR DINNER.
YOU DON'T CALL ME.
I GAVE YOU MY CARD.
YOU'RE NOW OBLIGATED
TO STAND HERE
AND GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES.
YOU'RE COMING BACK, RIGHT ?
TEN PERCENT NAKED GIRLS.
JERRY, OF COURSE.
- JERRY, TELL HER
HOW GREAT THE PLAY IS.
- IT'S GREAT.
TELL ME ABOUYOUR IMPROV GROUP.
WHAT IS THAT LIKE ?
SO, HAVE YOU
MET JERRY YET ?
NO. IS HE HERE ?
OH, YES, HE'S HERE,
BUT HE'S REALLY SHY.
HE'S PROBABLY HIDING
IN A CORNER SOMEWHERE.
[ Grunts ]
[ Knocking At Door ]
BUSY.
[ Mr. Chompers ]
HEY, JERRY,
LET ME IN, WILL YA ?
COME ON.
OPEN THE DOOR.
[ Knocking ]
MR. CHOMPERS ?
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
COME ON.
YOU KNOW NOBODY CAN
WRITE THE SHIT YOU WRITE
STRAIGHT.
[ Knocking ]
YOU OWE ME A TASTE.
GODDAMN IT !
LET ME IN !
THIS ISN'T FUNNY !
NO WONDER
YOU DON'T WRITE
FOR ME ANYMORE !
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE BASICS OF COMEDY !
GO AWAY !
FUCKING JUNKIE !
- NO, NO, GET THE--
- AAH !
GODDAMN IT !
LET ME IN,
YOU FUCK !
THIS ISN'T FUNNY !
NO, NO, NO !
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming Continues ]
...MORE SOUNDS
OR SOMETHING--
[ Breathing Heavily ]
WHAT WAS THAT SOUND ?
THE ONE THAT WE CAME UP WITH
THE OTHER DAY ?
THAT GREAT SOUND.
IT WAS A "DOOT DOOT,"
YOU KNOW.
[ Vomiting ]
I DON'T EVEN--
HE WASN'T THAT--
I DON'T KNOW.
[ Jana ]
IT'S AN AMAZING PROJECT.
VERY SIMILAR TO ACE IN THE HOLE.
BUT WHAT IT'S LACKING
IS SOMEONE WITH YOUR KIND
OF DARK VISION.
AND AT THE END OF THE DAY,
THAT'S REALLY ALL IT NEEDS
TO MAKE IT--
OR MAYBE YOU COULD JUSREAD THE COVERAGE ON IT.
YEAH.
ARE YOU COMING BACK ?
BOY, YOU REALLY PAID
YOUR DUES, HUH ?
YOU EVER BEEN
TO ONE OF THOSE PARTIES ?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?
ME AND GEORGE HAMILTON,
MAN, WE'RE LIKE THIS.
WELL, IT WAS GETTING
TO THE POINT...
WHERE I HAD
TO SHOOT SIX BAGS TO TURN ON
THE FUCKING TYPEWRITER.
BY THIS POINT,
DITA COULDN'T KEEP UP
WITH MY HABIT.
SO SOME DAYS
I HAD TO IMPROVISE.
THE WAY IT FITS
INTO HIS HAND
HE ROLLED A BLADE UP
IN HIS TRICK TOWEL
THEY SLAPPED THEIR HANDS
AGAINST THE WALL
YOU NEVER TRIP
YOU NEVER STUMBLE
HE'S WALKIN' SPANISH
DOWN THE HALL
[ Loud Thuds ]
OW !
SLIP HIM A PICTURE
OF OUR JESUS
OR GIVE HIM A SPOON
TO DIG A HOLE
WHAT ALL HE DONE
AIN'T NO ONE'S BUSINESS
JESUS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ?
NOTHING.
I JUST SLIPPED AT THE GYM.
IT'S NOT THERE, JERRY.
WELL, WHERE IS IT ?
I THREW IT AWAY.
OH ! OH, WHY DID
YOU DO THAT ? HUH ?
JERRY, I CAN'T STAND BY
AND WATCH YOU DO THIS
TO YOURSELF.
YES, YOU CAN.
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE.
LISTEN, I'M SORRY.
HONEY, I KNOW THIS LOOKS BAD,
BUT IT'S REALLY--
IT'S WORSE THAN IT SEEMS,
AND IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE CRAZY, RIGHT ?
THAT'S WHAYOU'RE THINKING,
BUT IT'S REALLY--
I-I-- IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
I JUST NEED TO--
I NEED TO QUION MY OWN SCHEDULE,
AND I'M GONNA QUIT.
JERRY, I CAN GET YOU A JOB
ON NO SUCH LUCK.
I KNOW THE PRODUCERS.
I DON'T WANTO DO THAT SHOW.
IT WOULD BE GREAFOR YOU TO DO IT.
I COULD DO THAT.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ?
REALLY ?
I JUST WANT US
TO BE HAPPY.
I WANT US TO BE HAPPY.
THAT'S ALL I WANT. I WANT--
YOU ARE SUCH A PRIORITY
FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS WEIRD,
BUT I'VE NEVER HAD
A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEBODY--
DO YOU WANT TO DO IT ?
YEAH, I THINK I SHOULD.
THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT,
IT SEEMS LIKE
A REALLY GOOD IDEA.
I'M GOING TO CALL
SOME REHAB PLACES
TOMORROW, OKAY ?
OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
THANK YOU.
I SWEAR, THIS IS JUSTHE GAS TO GET ME
TO THE HOSPITAL, YOU KNOW.
I LOVE YOU.
SANDRA SAID A LOOF GREAT THINGS
ABOUT YOU.
NO, NO, NO. I READ SOME
OF YOUR CHOMPERS STUFF.
YOU CAN WRITE,
NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
BUT... WE'RE NOT DOING
A PUPPET SHOW HERE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING
A PUPPET SHOW.
NO, IT'S NOA PUPPET SHOW.
GARY. HI.
HEY, DARLIN'.
HELLO.
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'VE HAD A CHANCE
TO READ THE SCRIPT,
BUT PAMELA HAS IDEAS
ON WHERE WE SHOULD TAKE IT.
WELL, I HATE MY CHARACTER.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO SAY
THAT I'M AN ATTORNEY
OR A JUDGE OR WHATEVER...
AND THEN JUST WRITE ME
AS THE TYPICAL
LOVE-STARVED SINGLE WOMAN...
WHO GETS WEEVERY TIME SOMEBODY
ASKS HER OUT FOR DINNER.
UH, ABSOLUTELY.
UH, THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD...
HAPPY ACCIDENT.
MY FATHER WAS
A FEDERAL APPEALS COURT JUDGE
FOR 20 YEARS.
SO I KNOW
WHAT THAT'S ABOUT.
THE CASE
THAT HE PUTS THE GAVEL IN.
THIS LITTLE LEATHER
BLUE AND WHITE STITCH THING,
YOU KNOW.
UM, HOW HE CLEANS THE ROBES.
WHAT HE WEARS UNDERNEATH,
ALL RIGHT ?
GETTING INTO THAT WHOLE AREA.
BUT STUFF LIKE THAT,
THE LITTLE--
THE MINUTIAE, WHICH IS REALLY
WHAT GIVES IT THE, YOU KNOW--
THE LIFE TO IT--
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT THAT YOU CAN
BRING YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE
TO THIS THING.
WELL, THAT'S HOW I WORK.
I KINDA--
I MEAN, THAT'S HOW
HOPEFULLY EVERYBODY--
THAT'S THE CREATIVE PROCESS.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHOW ?
HAVE I SEEN THE SHOW ?
IT'S WONDERFUL.
WONDERFUL STUFF.
WHAT YOU GUYS DO--
WHAT YOU GUYS DO
WITH THIS SHOW IS, UH--
I DON'T WANT TO SAY ARBECAUSE THAT GETS--
BUT KIND OF.
YOU KNOW, I BRING
WHATEVER I CAN BRING
TO THE TABLE.
HOPEFULLY, IT'S HELPFUL STUFF.
THAT'S ALL I DO, SCOTT.
IT'S JUST GONNA--
- NO, NO. GARY.
- JERRY.
GARY.
I'M-- YOU'RE GARY.
I KNOW YOU'RE GARY.
JERRY, I GOTTA MAKE
A COUPLE OF CALLS.
- THANKS FOR COMING IN, HUH ?
- HEY, MAN, YOU DO YOUR THING.
I'M A FLY ON THE WALL.
I HAVE TO MAKE
THE CALLS RIGHT NOW.
MAKE THE CALLS
RIGHT NOW.
YOU BE GOOD.
OKAY, MAN.
PAMELA--
OKAY, JERRY.
THANKS
FOR COMING IN, HUH ?
OKAY.
MIND IF I... INDULGE ?
JERRY.
YOU'RE EASY TO SPOFROM A DISTANCE.
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
MY SHOW.
HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT IN THERE.
I JUST, YOU KNOW-- I WAS, UM--
- I THINK I GOT NERVOUS AND--
- BULLSHIT.
I'D BET $50
I'D FIND TRACK MARKS
BETWEEN YOUR TOES.
- I SAID I WAS SORRY, SO--
- DON'T BE SORRY.
IT'S A SHITTY SHOW.
BUT THEY'RE PAYING ME
AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF MONEY,
WHICH I NEED,
BECAUSE EVERYTHING
I MADE WHEN I WAS YOUNG,
I EITHER DRANK AWAY,
SNORTED UP MY NOSE
OR DROVE IN THE POOL.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
LOOK, I WANT YOU
TO WRITE FOR MY SHOW.
IF YOU CAN GET CLEAN.
OKAY, BUT, UM,
WHAT ABOUT THAT, UH, GARY ?
[ Scoffs ]
PLEASE.
IF YOU FUCK UP,
YOU WON'T EXIST.
[ Man ]
ANY ALLERGIES TO MEDICATION ?
[ Jerry ] NOPE.
TAKING ANY
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS ?
NOPE.
- THINK YOU CAN KICK ?
- EXCUSE ME ?
METHANOL WILL GET RID
OF THE SHAKES,
BUT YOU'RE TRADING
ONE HABIT FOR ANOTHER.
YOU WANNA QUIT,
IT'S UP TO YOU.
WELL, THAT'S VERY INFORMATIVE.
THANK YOU.
HOW LONG YOU BEEN USING ?
A COUPLE OF YEARS.
YOU WON'T MAKE IT.
IT'S A CYCLE.
PROBABLY
BE USING AGAIN
IN A MONTH...
AND BACK HERE,
ETCETERA, ETCETERA.
I'LL START YOU OFF
AT 80 MILLIGRAMS,
21-DAY DETOX.
SHOW UP HERE
ONCE A WEEK
AND PISS IN A CUP.
ANY QUESTIONS ?
PISS IN A CUP. HMM.
YOU DON'T SOUND VERY OPTIMISTIC.
YOU WANT OPTIMISTIC ?
SOME PEOPLE MAKE IT.
SOME PEOPLE END UP DEAD.
GOOD LUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S UP ?
HEY, MAN.
I'M GUS.
HEY, GUS. JERRY.
HOW'S IT GOIN' ?
GET YOUR TANG ?
"TANG" ?
YEAH.
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT.
SOMETHIN', RIGHT ?
BUT IT DOES THE TRICK.
GIVE ME A SECOND.
YO, MAN.
I ONLY REALLY LIKE
DEALIN' TO MY OWN KIND.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?
THESE FUCKIN' NIGGERS
OUT HERE...
PUT A STENCH
ON THEIR MONEY.
PUT THEIR MONEY
IN YOUR POCKET...
AND YOU GOT NIGGER STENCH
ALL OVER YOUR FUCKIN' MONEY.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS,
MAN.
THIS AIN'THE USUAL STREET SHIT.
THIS IS GOURMET.
THAT'S, UH-- THAT'S--
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T, UH--
THANKS, GUS,
BUT I CAN'T--
CAN'T WHAT ?
YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TRY TO--
WHAT, MAN ?
TRY TO
SHUT THE MOTHER DOWN.
OH, COME ON.
SHUT THE MOTHER DOWN
TOMORROW.
[ Engine Starts ]
THIS SHIT WILL PUT YOU
THROUGH THE ROOF.
THANKS, MAN.
NO, I GOTTA GO.
HOLD UP, HOLD UP-- WHOA !
[ Tires Screech ]
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING ?
JESUS, I'M ONLY TRYIN'
TO, LIKE, FUCKIN'
DO YOU A SOLID HERE.
JUST RELAX,
MAN.
GIVE IT TO YOU
CHEAP, MAN.
HOW MUCH ?
[ Techno ]
[ Hissing ]
SLOW, BRO.
[ Hissing Stops ]
[ Snorts, Gasps ]
GOOD SHIT, MAN.
[ Moans ]
FUCK. [ Gasps ]
I CAN'T BREATHE.
OH, CHRIST.
KEEP BREATHING,
JERRY.
BREATHE.
CAN'T.
[ Laughing ]
[ Continues ]
OH, FUCK, MAN.
[ Wheezing ]
LOOK AT MY VIEW, MAN.
LOOK AT MY OFFICE. HMM ?
LOOK AT MY VIEW, JERRY.
FUCK ME.
[ Gasping ]
- JESUS !
WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING ?
- [ Laughs ]
COME ON, COME ON.
GET UP.
OW ! FUCK !
[ Yelling, Groaning ]
CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
- [ Continues ]
- YOU BETTER HAVE
SOME MONEY, JERRY.
CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
[ Moans ]
- CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
- [ Yelling, Groaning ]
- [ Laughs ]
- WE'RE GONNA DIE !
[ Jerry Yelling,
Hooting ]
[ Gus ]
EASY. EASY !
[ Continues ]
SMACK MY BITCH UP
WHY ? ARE YOU
GOING SOMEWHERE ?
NO, MY KID'S
GOT PONY LESSONS
IN AN HOUR.
I'M HERE, THOUGH.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT.
WRITE IT DOWN.
NO RADIO.
- HEY-- WHOA !
- YOU OKAY, JERRY ?
HI.
YEAH, I'M COOL.
CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR ?
COULD YOU PLEASE POUR ME
A GLASS OF WATER ?
SORRY I'M LATE.
SO, WHERE WE AT ?
[ Gary ]
NEXT SEASON'S NOTES.
OKAY, I REALLY LIKE
THE IDEA OF BREAKING
THE FOURTH WALL.
I JUST-- I'M CONCERNED
THAT IT'S GONNA GET OLD
BEFORE THE SEASON'S OVER.
NO, NO, NO, PAMELA--
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT GUY HATES ME, RIGHT ?
[ Sniffs ]
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN NOSFERATU
OR FRITZ LANG'S M ?
OKAY, HOW ABOUTHE PATTY DUKE SHOW ?
FIRST TIME I SAW THAT THING,
IT GAVE ME NIGHTMARES
FOR THREE NIGHTS.
THE POINT IS, REALISM...
[ Gulping ]
IS DEAD.
EXPRESSIONISM IS WHERE IT'S AT.
KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT ?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST A PRODUCOF PUBLIC EDUCATION.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL
YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.
NO--
WHAT JERRY'S TRYING TO SAY
IS HE WANTS TO EXPRESS
THE EMOTIONS EXTERNALLY,
LIKE IN THE SET,
IN THE MUSIC--
MUSIC. MUSIC. MUSIC.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT--
WHY CAN'T PAMELA
JUST WALK IN ONE DAY,
BELT IT OUT AND SING IT ?
FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
WE'RE TALKING, IT'S YOU
AND BURT, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN,
SHE STARTS SINGING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT.
SHE'S DOING AN ETHEL MERMAN--
I LOVE A PARADE
OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT.
A SWIMMING POOL OPENS UP
BELOW EVERYBODY, AND THEN
WE GO RIGHT BACK INTO THE SCENE.
YOU NEVER EVEN MAKE
ANY MENTION OF IT.
IT'S ALL UNSAID.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT IS ?
THAT'S HOT !
[ Kitty ]
SO NOBODY COULD TELL
YOU WERE FUCKED UP ?
[ Jerry ]
OH, NO. I WAS FIRED
IMMEDIATELY.
- AND A BEAR CLAW.
- NO, NO, NO.
WE TOOK THE KIDS TO DENNY'S
LAST NIGHT. MY STOMACH
STILL FEELS LIKE SHIT.
WAS IT SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY ?
[ Jerry ] OF COURSE,
I DIDN'T TELL SANDRA.
- YOU GO THERE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,
THEY GIVE YOU A FREE MEAL.
- JESUS, JERRY.
[ Jerry ]
BUT I WASN'T WORRIED.
I STILL TOOK A LOT OF MEETINGS.
UNFORTUNATELY,
THEY WERE ALL WITH GUS.
EXCUSE ME.
DID I SUMMON YOU ?
DID I ASK YOU
TO COME OVER HERE ?
CHRIST.
SHE'S JUSDOING HER JOB.
THIS IS WHERE I DO BUSINESS.
WELL, SHE'S DOING HER BUSINESS
'CAUSE SHE'S, YOU KNOW,
A WAITRESS.
- WHY DON'T YOU
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS ?
- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ?
NAH, NAH, NAH-NAH-NAH
LOOK WHAT I GOT YOU.
- WHAT'S THAT ?
- DILAUDID.
I DON'T WANT IT.
PUT IT AWAY !
WHAT IF YOU HAD
A COVER ON YOU ?
YOU JUST PUT IT ON THE TABLE.
I PUT IBEHIND THE SUGAR.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN AFFORD IT.
YOU'RE WRITING
FOR THAT MARTIAN.
YOU'RE DOING FINE.
HE WASN'T FROM MARS.
HE'S--
AHH !
TAKE MY MIND OFF HIM.
[ Moaning, Kissing ]
- WHO LOVES YOU, JERRY ?
- YOU DO, GUS.
NO, I CAN'T STAND YOU.
TELLY SAVALAS.
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]
GET IT ?
WHO LOVES YOU, BABY ?
[ Faint ]
BIRD ON A WIRE
DON'T MAKE A SOUND
[ Continues ]
YOU KNOW WE HAVE
WAY TOO MUCH IN COMMON.
THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK.
TRUST ME,
I'M BETTER IN A MOTEL
THAN IN A MARRIAGE.
- HEY.
- HI.
YOU SICK ?
NO !
WHY AREN'T YOU AT WORK ?
DID YOU GET FIRED
FOR BEING TOO ERRATIC ?
YOU SEEM HAPPY.
YES, I DO HAVE
A LITTLE JAUNT IN MY STEP,
DON'T I ?
ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN PROMOTED.
I'VE BEEN MADE V.P.,
CREATIVE AFFAIRS.
WOW ! VICE PRESIDENOF CREATIVE AFFAIRS.
THAT'S GREAT.
ARE YOU
IN CHARGE OF ADULTERY
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT ?
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU.
- WE SHOULD GO CELEBRATE.
- NO, I MEANT THANK YOU.
FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE.
I KNOW IT HASN'T BEEN EASY.
OH.
YEAH, WELL--
I'M PREGNANT.
WHAT ?
I'M PREGNANT.
I WENT TO CEDARS YESTERDAY
AND THEY CONFIRMED IT.
JERRY ?
SHE CRIES YOUR NAME
GET OUT !
YOU FUCKING--
[ Continues ]
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BE HERE !
AAAH !
YOU FREAK !
JESUS CHRIST !
SHE CRIES YOUR NAME
OUT !
I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU
EVER AGAIN !
HOW LONG
CAN HIS HEALTH REMAIN
YOU HAVE A BABY ?
NINA.
THAT'S A PRETTY NAME.
MMM.
DID YOU EVER SEE HER ?
NO. I GOT IT TOGETHER
TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN
SHE WAS BEING BORN, BUT...
[ Groaning ]
WHY SHE WANTED ME THERE
I'LL NEVER KNOW.
I'D BEEN PRETTY MUCH
IN TOXIC EXILE
THE WHOLE NINE MONTHS.
SANDRA ?
[ Groaning Continues ]
I TOLD YOU
NOT TO START THIS
WITHOUT ME, DIDN'T I ?
[ Woman On P.A.]
DR. MARTINEZ,
REPORT TO OBSTETRICS.
[ Knock On Door ]
[ Toilet Flushes ]
ALL RIGHT !
HOLD ON !
HOW'S SHE DOING ?
[ Nurse ]
SHE'S ONE MINUTE APART.
- [ Knocking Continues ]
- OHH !
I CAN FEEL
THE BABY'S HEAD.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY ?
[ Woman On P.A. ]
MARK, COME TO O.R. FOUR.
PUT THIS ON, PLEASE.
THIS IS, UH--
THIS IS SHORT-SLEEVE,
THOUGH.
IT'S REGULATION.
C-C-CAN I--
CAN I JUST WEAR MY SHIRT ?
THIS IS VERY CLEAN.
HEY, IT'S YOUR BABY COMIN'.
IF I WAS YOU, I'D HURRY.
[ Whispers ]
OH, FUCK.
HELLO, BEAUTY.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Jerry ]
HEY !
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU HAVE A BABY GIRL.
OH, GOD, I MISSED IT.
OH, BABY.
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
HEY, ARE YOU OKAY ?
HMM ? ALL RIGHT.
OH, I MISSED IT.
I'M SORRY.
COULD I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU ?
HMM ?
ONE SECOND.
EXCUSE US.
THE BABY ALL RIGHT ?
THE BABY'S FINE.
[ Woman On P.A. ]
DR. MITCHELL TO O.R. FOUR.
[ Kitty ]
WHAT TIME'S YOUR BUS ?
IT LEAVES IN AN HOUR.
SO, WHAT DO YOU HAVE
BACK IN L.A. ?
NOTHING.
JUST MY KID.
DO YOU HAVE
A PLACE TO STAY ?
YEAH, THIS CHRISTIAN ROCKER
FROM REHAB NAMED BUDDY,
HE'S GOT A STUDIO
HE SAID I COULD
CRASH AT.
YOU SURE
YOU WANNA GO BACK ?
UH-UH.
BUT, UH,
YOU KNOW, I FIGURE...
FOR NINA I SHOULD--
I WANNA BE
A PART OF THAT.
CAN YOU ?
IT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
YOU WANNA COME WITH ME
AND FIND OUT ?
OKAY.
- YOU WANNA GET BACK IN BED ?
- JESUS, WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU ?
WHATEVER YOUR PARENTS
DID TO YOU,
THEY SURE GAVE YOU
A PAIR OF CAST-IRON BALLS,
I'LL GIVE 'EM THAT MUCH.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST CHECKIN'.
LAST CHANCE FOR
THE OLD KOSHER JOYRIDE.
[ Giggles ]
WELL, CAN I CALL YOU ?
SURE. CALL ME.
WHY NOT ?
I'M PRETTY SURE THAI FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING
TO SAY TO SOMEBODY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
I WANT A FREE RIDE
JUST TO SEE
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
BUT EVEN IF IT FEELS RIGHT
I'M NO FOOL
IN THE HOSPITAL
WHERE STRETCHES
OUR ARMS AND HANDS
I NEEDED SOMEONE
WHO COULD UNDERSTAND
ALTHOUGH THESE THINGS
THEY ARE NEVER PLANNED
I WANT A FREE
SOMETHIN' FOR FREE
[ Kitty ]
YOU HAVE A BABY ?
[ Jerry ]
NINA.
-[ Kitty ] YOU TOOK CARE OF HER
EVEN WHEN YOU WERE STRUNG OUT ?
-AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, YEAH.
TILL ONE NIGHT SHE CALLED
WHILE I WAS JONESING
LIKE A LAB RAT.
[ Sandra ]
JERRY, I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.
[ Kitty ] AND ?
[ Jerry ]
SOME STORIES YOU CAN TELL.
SOME YOU SPEND
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TRYING
TO PRETEND THEY NEVER HAPPENED.
[ Sandra ]
THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO ONE
TO TAKE CARE OF NINA.
[ Jerry ]
COULD YOU TAKE HER WITH YOU ?
[ Sandra ] NO, I CAN'T.
I'M MEETING WITH THE NETWORK
ALL DAY.
VOLA'S WORKING,
MY SISTER'S OUT OF TOWN,
THE FUCKING SITTER HAS THE FLU--
[ Jerry ]
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE HER.
[ Sandra ] ARE YOU SURE ?
I MEAN, YOU'RE NOGETTING HIGH, ARE YOU ?
YOU'RE OKAY ?
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Jerry ] YEAH, I'M FINE.
I'M ABSOLUTELY FINE.
[ Sandra Sighs ]
YOU'D BETTER BE.
MY PLANE LANDS AT 11:00.
I'LL BE WITH YOU AROUND 12:00.
12:00. OKAY.
YOU GOANY QUESTIONS ?
MM-MMM.
- YOU'VE GOT THOSE INSTRUCTIONS
I GAVE YOU ?
- YEAH, I GOT 'EM RIGHT HERE.
JERRY, YOU CAN'T FUCK THIS UP.
I'M REALLY DEPENDING ON YOU.
RIGHT. THAT'LL--
RIGHT. OKAY.
- IF ANYTHING HAPPENS AT ALL,
YOU CALL ME AT THE HOTEL.
- YEAH.
BE CAREFUL.
[ Door Shuts ]
OKAY.
[ Techno, Faint ]
WHERE THE FUCK
YOU BEEN ?
YOUR DIRECTIONS
SUCKED.
[ Sighs ]
YOU GOT A BABY ?
LET ME SEE.
SHH, SHH, SHH ! GUS !
LET ME SEE THE BABY !
SHE'S ASLEEP.
OKAY ?
I'M NOT GONNA WAKE HER UP.
[ Continues ]
WHAT IS THIS, A CLUB ?
NO, IT'S MY FRIEND'S
PLACE.
I'M NOT GONNA BRING
THE BABY IN THERE.
OF COURSE YOU CAN'T.
GIVE ME THE MONEY.
IT'S ALL SET UP.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT ?
I'LL BE BACK IN A FLASH.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I DON-- NO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"NO, NO, NO, NO" ?
I'M NOT--
YOU KNOW WHAT ?
FUCK YOU, THEN.
YOU DON'T TRUST ME NOW ?
I--
OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT ? OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT ? HERE.
THANK YOU.
JESUS CHRIST.
HOLY SHIT !
[ Laughing ]
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M OUT. I'M WIPED OUT.
[ Sniffs ]
RELAX.
LET THE KID SUCK
ON YOUR NIPPLE, HUH ?
[ Continues ]
[ Nina Coughs ]
[ Cooing ]
[ Continues ]
NOW IS THE TIME
NOW IS THE TIME
[ Continues ]
GUS !
GUS !
SHIT !
I-IS THIS STEVO ?
THIS IS-- HI, I'M--
I'M A FRIEND OF GUS'S.
HE TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU A CALL.
I'M ACTUALLY TRYIN' TO GEIN TOUCH WITH HIM. HE SAID
YOU MIGHT KNOW WHERE HE'S AT.
I'M A FRIEND OF GUS'S.
HE S-- HE S--
NO, IT'S NOT BULLSHIT.
I'M A FRIEND OF HIS.
UH, HE JUST SAID
IF I WAS LOOKIN' FOR HIM,
YOU'D KNOW WHERE HE WAS AT.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
GET TOGETHER RIGHT NOW.
NO, I'M NOA FUCKIN' COP !
ASSHOLE.
FUCK YOU !
AAAAH !
GOD--
WHERE THE FUCK
IS THAT NUMBER ?
YES ! YES !
I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
A COLLECT CALL FOR STEVO...
FROM GUS.
[ Fussing ]
[ Knocking ]
HEY.
OH !
JESUS CHRIST, JERRY,
GET OUT OF HERE.
NO, NO, NO.
DON'T. DON'T.
NO, NO.
YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
I, UM--
I GOT YOU A MUFFIN.
OH, NO, JERRY.
YOU CANNOT COME IN HERE.
OKAY ?
YOU CANNOT DIE HERE,
MAN !
IF I COULD HAVE SOMETHIN'.
COME ON, PLEASE.
LIKE A M-- YOU KNOW,
COTTON SOMETHING HERE.
A MUFFIN--
i AY, PENDEJO !
I KNOW YOU LIKE
DOUBLE CHOCOLATE.
AAAH !
OH, NO, NO.
LOOK--
WHAT ?
THIS IS IT. OKAY ?
THIS IS IT !
NOW, DON'T COME BACK HERE
NO MORE, OKAY ?
BECAUSE I GOT A WARRANON MY ASS !
[ Whispers ]
OW.
SO TUNE IN EVERY
THURSDAY MORNING AT 4:00 A.M.
TO "STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS."
RIGHT HERE ON YOUR PERSONAL
ACHIEVEMENT RADIO STATION KYPA.
[ Jerry Hawking ]
[ Man On Radio ]
ENERGY !
[ Electronic Beeping ]
ENERGY IS THE SOURCE.
NOTHING HAPPENS
WITHOUT ENERGY.
THE MORE YOU HAVE, THE MORE
OF YOUR PERSONAL POTENTIAL
YOU'RE GONNA TAP INTO.
ENERGY IS LIKE THE GAS THADRIVES THE CAR OF SUCCESS.
[ Nina Fussing ]
YOU DON'T WANNA RUN OUOF EMOTIONAL GAS WHEN YOU'RE
CLIMBING THE HILL OF SUCCESS.
OTHERWISE,
YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF
COASTING BACK DOWNHILL.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.
HOW MANY OF YOU
CAN REMEMBER A DAY...
WHEN YOU WOKE UP
FEELING REALLY TIRED
AND LETHARGIC ?
[ Radio Audience Laughing ]
FOR SOME OF YOU,
IT WAS RECENT.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP FEELING
REALLY TIRED AND LETHARGIC,
DO YOU USUALLY JUMP UP AND GO,
"I CAN'T WAIT TO GO OUAND CHANGE THE WORLD,
CHANGE EVERYTHING THAT'S
HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD
SO IT'S BETTER" ?
IS THAT USUALLY WHAT YOU DO
WHEN YOU WAKE UP
FEELING LETHARGIC ?
NOT USUALLY
THE FIRST THOUGHT, IS IT ?
FIRST THOUGHT'S
"WHERE'S THE COFFEE ?"
[ Sniffing, Huffing ]
THE NEXT ONE IS, "OH, GOD,
NOT ANOTHER MONDAY."
WHEN I CAME TO NEW YORK,
I GOT AN EDUCATION.
I STARTED COMING HERE
ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO,
AND MY THIRD TRIP IN...
I CAME ON A WEDNESDAY,
YOU KNOW, MIDWEEK.
I'M SITTIN' IN THE CAR,
AND I TURN ON THE STEREO.
I'M ENJOYING THE MUSIC,
AND AFTER THE SONG IS OVER...
THE DEEJAY GOES, "ALL RIGHT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN !
WE MADE IT !
IT'S HUMP DAY !"
[ Gasping ]
[ Radio Audience
Laughing ]
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT "HUMP DAY" IS ?
[ Woman ] NO.
WEDNESDAY.
YEAH.
SOME PEOPLE
LOOK AT WEDNESDAY
AS "HUMP DAY,"
[ Nina Crying ]
WHICH MEANS YOU'RE MORE THAN
HALF THE WAY TO THE WEEKEND.
CAN YOU IMAGINE
THAT LARGE NUMBERS
OF PEOPLE...
SPEND FIVE DAYS OUT OF
EVERY SEVEN LOOKING FORWARD
TO ONLY TWO OF THEM ?
[ Radio Audience
Laughing ]
[ Crying Continues ]
SOME PEOPLE LIVE FOR TWO
DAYS OUT OF EVERY SEVEN.
OKAY. OKAY.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING SUCH
A DISGUSTING LIFE THAT YOU LOOK
FORWARD TO TWO OUT OF SEVEN ?
SEE, THE BOTTOM LINE IS,
MY MONDAYS ARE BETTER THAN
MOST PEOPLE'S CHRISTMASES...
'CAUSE I'VE LEARNED HOW
TO COMMUNICATE TO MYSELF
IN A WAY WHERE I CAN FIND--
[ Siren Blaring,
Intermittent ]
[ Radio Continues Faint,
Stops ]
[ Engine Stops ]
I'M SO--
[ Muttering ]
CHRIST.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU CHANGED THE BABY ?
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS,
OFFICER, WITH KIDS.
I WAS JUSON MY WAY RIGHT NOW
TO GET A DIAPER.
CAN I SEE SOME LICENSE
AND REGISTRATION ?
[ Grunts ]
KEEP IT DOWN.
[ Sniffs ]
WAKE THE KID.
GET OUT OF THE CAR,
DUMB SHIT.
COME ON.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
SOCIAL SERVICES A CALL.
WE GOT A BABY TO PICK UP.
STEP TO THE FRONOF THE VEHICLE.
[ Handcuffs Tightening ]
COME ON.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
WHEN YOU VISIT THE SUPERMARKET,
DO YOU PURCHASE
CANNED DAIRY PRODUCTS...
EVERY VISIT,
EVERY OTHER VISIOR ONCE IN A WHILE ?
UH, GOOD EVENING, SIR.
I'M CALLING FAMILIES LIKE YOURS
TO ASK A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS
ABOUT YOUR SHOPPING PREFERENCES.
DO YOU VISIT THE SUPERMARKEMORE THAN ONCE A WEEK, OR LESS ?
I'M GLAD
YOU'RE DOING GOOD.
SANDRA DOESN'T LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT YOU,
BUT, UH,
I KNOW YOU HAD
A BAD RIDE.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S, UH,
THAT'S THE BESI'VE HEARD IT PUT.
[ Chuckles ]
AS LONG AS IT'S COOL
WITH SANDRA, YOU CAN
SEE NINA ANY TIME YOU WANT.
I HAVE A KID UP IN MARIN.
I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
THANKS.
HEY !
HERE THEY ARE.
PETER, CAN YOU GET A WIPE ?
SHE'S GOT SOME INK
OR SOMETHING ON HER FACE.
YEAH, SURE.
THANKS.
HEY.
GIVE ME A MINUTE, OKAY ?
- LET ME GET HER CLEANED UP.
SHE'S A BIT OF A MESS.
- SHE'S NOT A MESS.
- SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
- WELL, SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL MESS.
SHE'S GETTING INTO
EVERYTHING AT THE MOMENT.
CAN I HOLD HER ?
YEAH, SURE.
GO SEE JERRY.
GOOD GIRL. GOOD GIRL.
HEY, SWEETIE.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
HEY.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
HOW ARE YOU ?
MARVELOUS.
WHAT ABOUT YOU ?
I FEEL LIKE AN ALIEN.
NEVER SEEN L.A. STRAIGHBEFORE.
HEY, SHE LIKES YOU.
SHE DOESN'T GO TO ANYBODY.
LOOK AT THAT, SANDRA.
YEAH, SWEET.
YOU KNOW, JERRY,
I'VE GOT TO GO.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
CAN I SEE HER TOMORROW ?
WELL, WE'RE PLANNING TO HAVE
THIS BRUNCH HERE TOMORROW.
IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY HECTIC.
ALL RIGHT,
WELL, HOW ABOUT MONDAY ?
DAYTIME'S BAD.
UM, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE
IN THE EVENING.
I WAS KINDA HOPING WE COULD
MAKE THIS A REGULAR THING.
DON'T MAKE IT DIFFICULT,
JERRY.
YOU'RE ON A THIN STRING
ALREADY.
OKAY. FINE.
BYE, SWEETIE.
[ Typing ]
[ Knock On Door ]
BUDDY ?
HELLO ?
HI.
COULD YOU WRITE ME
A LOVE LETTER OR SOMETHIN' ?
MY GOD.
CAN I COME IN ?
YEAH.
WOW.
YES, UM--
HOW DID YOU FIND ME ?
OH, IT WAS VERY COMPLICATED.
I CALLED VOLA,
AND SHE GAVE ME YOUR ADDRESS.
[ Moaning ]
I MISSED YOU.
NO. [ Chuckles ]
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO SPEND
ALL MY TIME IN BED WITH YOU.
- HEY.
- HEY.
I READ THE ARTICLE
YOU WROTE.
[ Chuckles ]
OH.
[ Clears Throat ]
AND, UH, WHAT DID YOU THINK ?
IT WAS GOOD.
SOUNDED LIKE YOU.
PROVED YOU WERE REAL.
IS THAT SOMETHING
THAT YOU NEEDED ?
I GUESS SO, YEAH.
YOU HAVE SUGAR ?
YEAH.
[ Clears Throat ]
THANKS.
SO, UH,
WHEN DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING BACK ?
ACTUALLY, I'M NOT, UH--
I'M NOT GOING BACK.
I'M MOVING TO ANCHORAGE.
MY, UH, MY BROTHER
OWNS A HATCHERY UP THERE.
HE'S GONNA OPEN UP
A BREW PUB AND HE ASKED ME
TO RUN IT FOR HIM.
WOW. WOW.
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
[ Slurps ]
A BREW PUB, HUH ?
CAN YOU IMAGINE ME
BEHIND THE BAR WITH A BUNCH
OF DRUNKEN FISHERMEN ?
GOSH, YEAH,
WITH, LIKE, PIGTAILS
AND A PARKA ON.
YEAH.
FROZEN BAIT.
THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S--
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ALASKA.
THAT'S... INTERESTING.
[ Sniffs ]
MMM.
[ Chuckles ]
IT'S SO FUNNY.
I, UM--
WHAT ?
NO, I JUST--
I THINK ABOUT YOU
ALL THE TIME.
LIKE WHEN I'M PLAYING
WITH NINA AND, UH,
I JUST KINDA WONDER
WHAT--
WHAT YOU'D THINK OF HER.
UH, WHEN I'M ON THE BUS
AND LOOK OUT THE WINDOW,
I KINDA...
WONDER WHAYOU WOULD LOOK AT.
WE GOT UNDER
EACH OTHER'S SKIN, HUH ?
[ Sniffles ]
FUCK.
[ Sighs ]
I'VE BEEN HURT A LOT.
YOU KNOW ?
I'VE MADE A LOOF REALLY DUMB MISTAKES.
[ Sniffles ]
THE JURY STAYS OUA LONG TIME THESE DAYS.
[ Sniffles ]
OKAY.
OKAY.
OHH.
[ Kitty ]
JERRY.
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER
OF OUR FAMOUS GOOD-BYES,
SO I DIDN'T TELL YOU THAMY FLIGHT WAS THIS MORNING.
I'M NOT MUCH GOOD
AT THESE THINGS,
SO I'LL JUST STOP.
[ Chuckles ]
WELL, I CAN GO ON
A LITTLE MORE, I GUESS.
I WILL MISS YOU.
AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW
YOU'LL NEVER SHOW UP
IN ANCHORAGE,
I'LL ENTERTAIN THE NOTION
NOW AND THEN.
SEE YOU LATER.
[ Tom Snyder ]
DURING THE 1980s,
JERRY STAHL
WAS A SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION
WRITER MAKING $5,000 A WEEK.
AT THE SAME TIME,
HE ALSO HAD A $6,000-A-WEEK
HEROIN AND COCAINE HABIT.
HIS DARK AND FUNNY BOOK
IS CALLED PERMANENT MIDNIGHT.
IT'S A RAW ACCOUNT OF THE DEPTHS
OF HIS HABIT AND HOW HE WAS ABLE
TO CLAW HIS WAY OUT.
WHEN YOU GOT TO HOLLYWOOD
AND YOU'RE WORKING ON
THESE SERIES I MENTIONED--
WHAT KIND OF DOUBLE LIFE
MUST YOU HAVE LED ?
BECAUSE YOU HAD TO,
AT SOME LEVEL,
PERFORM AS A WRITER.
THE BEAUTY OF HOLLYWOOD IS,
EVERYBODY IS SO SELF-OBSESSED...
THEY DON'T NOTICE
WHAT ANYBODY ELSE IS DOING.
THEY'D COME IN IN THE MORNING
WITH CAPPUCCINOS AND CROISSANTS,
AND I'D COME BOUNCING IN
WITH MY HEROIN AND SYRINGES...
AND, UH, PRETTY MUCH
LOCK MYSELF IN THE OFFICE...
AND GET REALLY PLEASANFOR ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
LET'S PEEL AWAY
A FEW MORE LAYERS
WITH JERRY.
TELL US THE STORY ABOUTHE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD.
[ Jerry ] PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK,
WHAT'S THE WORST THING
HEROIN DROVE YOU TO DO ?
I ALWAYS ANSWER,
SHOWING UP ON MAURY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO
WHEN YOU'RE A JUNKIE:
YOUR JOB IS TO SHOOT JUNK.
I'M SURE DAMIAN
WILL CONCUR WITH ME ON THIS.
I AGREE WITH JERRY
THAT THE DAMAGE IS...
[ Stuttering ]
IRRE-- REPARABLE.
[ Jerry ]
THAT'S THE TROUBLE
WITH SURVIVING.
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
ROLLING INTO A P.T.A. POTLUCK
OR PAYING THE GAS BILL...
CAN BE MORE TERRIFYING
THAN THE WORST 3:00 A.M.
NARCOTIC HELL.
YEP. WOW.
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW ?
WOW.
I GOT OUT WITH A BAD LIVER
AND ENOUGH DEBT TO KEEP ME
IN HOCK TILL I'M 90,
IF I'M STILL HERE.
JERRY STAHL, JUNKIE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
AND WITH MY LUCK,
I WILL BE.
IT CAN COME
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE
HIT YOU
WHEN YOU'RE SAFE AND WARM
TAKE IT EASY, MY STAR
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
YEAH, YOU GOTHOSE CRAZY BLUE EYES
YOU GOT THOSE CRAZY BLUES
ALL THOSE PRETTY SMILES
I CAN SEE THEM
LAUGHIN' AT YOU
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
OHH
I DON'T WANNA BE
YOUR PUNCHIN' BAG
YOUR COMPLACENLITTLE PRINCESS
ALL TRAGIC AND SAD
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
YEAH, YOU SAY YOU GOTHIS BAD THING
YOU SAY YOU'VE GOT IT BAD
YOU HAVE BROKEN
EVERY HEART
OF EVERY FRIEND
YOU'VE EVER HAD
YEAH
THE TIME IS GONNA COME
WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS
JUST GO AWAY
GO AWAY, GO AWAY
I WONDER WHY
YOU STICK AROUND
SOMETIMES I WISH
YOU WOULD LEAVE
YOU SAY
YOU'LL LOVE ME FOREVER
THEN YOU SPIT ON ME
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
I SWEAR
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
OHH
I DON'T WANNA BE
YOUR WHIPPIN' BOY
YES, YOUR HAPPY
LITTLE LOSER
SOMEONE YOU CAN IGNORE
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
HURT ME ANYMORE
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
HIT ME ANYMORE
NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU
KICK ME ANYMORE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
IT CAN COME
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE
WHOA, WHOA
I DON'T WANNA BE
YOUR SIMPLE SAVING GRACE
JUST ANOTHER LITTLE VICTIM
WITH A HAPPY FACE
OHH, OHH
SOMEDAY
SOMEDAY
SOMEDAY SOON
SOMEBODY'S GONNA COME
I HOPE THEY DO THIS
TO YOU
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME
I WILL NOT LET YOU
HURT ME ANYMORE
OOH, I WILL NOT LET YOU
HURT ME ANYMORE
NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU
HIT ME ANYMORE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
TWIST ME ANYMORE
NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU
TURN ME INSIDE OUT
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
SO CLOSE TO YOUR LIPS
SO FULL OF REGRETS
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
I'D HIDE IN YOUR POCKETS
OR RAISE A MATCH
FOR YOU
OOOH-HOO
I WOULD ALWAYS LINGER
ON YOUR CLOTHES
AND YOUR FINGER
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
HIDE IN YOUR POCKETS
OR RAISE A MATCH
FOR YOU
OOOH-HOO
OOOH-HOO
OOOH-HOO
OOOH-HOO-HOO
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
CLOSED CAPTIONED BY
CAPTIONS, INC. LOS ANGELES
[ Man ]
YOU KNOW
WHAT'S MORTIFYING ?
SMACK IS LIKE
THE LEISURE SUIOF THE '90s.
INSTEAD OF WRECKING
DAD'S BUICK
ON PROM NIGHT,
THESE LITTLE SUBURBAN FUCKS
ARE COPPING HABITS
AND O.D.'ING IN THE REC ROOM.
[ Woman ]
AND YOU'RE
DIFFERENT BECAUSE ?
[ Man ]
I NEVER GOT TO THE PROM.
TRADED MY CUMMERBUND
FOR TWO BAGS AND A RIG.
[ Woman ]
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY YOU
DID THE SHIT THAT YOU DID ?
[ Man ]
DID YOU EVER READ THAT INTERVIEW
WITH WILLIAM BURROUGHS...
WHERE THEY ASKED HIM
WHY HE SHOT HEROIN ?
HE SAID, "SO I COULD GET UP
IN THE MORNING AND SHAVE."
[ Woman ]
SO IT WAS LIKE
A GROOMING THING.
[ Man ]
ARE YOU KIDDING ?
I HATED TO SHAVE.
BUT IN HOLLYWOOD,
YOU GOTTA LOOK YOUR BEST.
WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN'
WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN'
WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN'
THE WHOLE WORLD
SMILES WITH YOU
SMILES WITH YOU
AND WHEN YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
OH, YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
OH, YOU'RE LAUGHIN'
MMM, AND THE SUN
COMES SHININ' THROUGH
SHININ' THROUGH
YOU LOOK SO MORONIC
IN YOUR LITTLE
FAST-FOOD OUTFIT.
YEAH, WELL,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
SERVING AMERICA'S
FROZEN FISH NEEDS IS NOMY PRIMARY CALLING.
[ Woman ] OH, I'M SORRY.
COLLEGE BOY.
BRO ?
WHERE'D YOU GO ?
HOW CAN I HELP YOU ?
UH, LET'S SEE.
GIVE ME A FISH SANDWICH,
WITH EXTRA SAUCE.
YOU GOT THAT, UH--
THAT GOOD SAUCE ?
TARTAR ?
YEAH. YEAH.
GOB IT ON THERE.
OH, YEAH ?
SO WHAT'S YOUR M.O. ?
HUH ?
PICKING UP
EASY BURGER BOYS
AT THE DRIVE-THRU ?
GETTIN' 'EM BOUNCED
OUT OF REHAB ?
UH-HUH.
HEY, YOU GUYS
STILL OPEN ? HEY !
YOU GUYS STILL OPEN ?
YOU'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY.
SORRY. DO YOU HAVE
SOME MATCHES ?
I JUST NEED SOME MATCHES.
MATCHES ?
YEAH.
YEAH, SURE. WE KEEP 'EM
WITH THE KIDDIE MEALS.
I'LL GET 'EM.
HEY, YOU'RE ONE
OF THOSE REHAB PATIENTS,
AREN'T YOU ?
WHAT IS IT ?
WHIMPERING WOUNDS
OR SOMETHING ?
JESUS.
WHISPERING WINDS.
HEY, IT'S OBVIOUS.
YOU'RE TOO DARNED SAD-LOOKING
JUST TO BE ANOTHER RETARD
IN A PINK VISOR.
IT'S RED.
OH.
DO YOU WANNA GO HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE ?
DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A CUP
OF COFFEE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW ?
YEAH.
[ Grunting ]
[ Moaning ]
SHIT ! SHIT ! WAIT !
[ Breathing Heavily ]
ALL RIGHT.
OH, I WISH I WAS HIGH.
SHIT !
AHH !
SORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
I'VE NEVER DONE THIS
STRAIGHT BEFORE.
TRUST ME. ON SMACK,
I WAS A REAL STUD.
THE FIRST TIME
ANYBODY TOUCHED ME
AFTER I GOT CLEAN,
I THOUGHT, JESUS,
THAT'S WHY I NEEDED DRUGS.
THAT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO.
YEAH, WELL, I GOT 92 DAYS.
BUT WHO'S COUNTING, RIGHT ?
SO WHAT, DID I GET YOU
IN TROUBLE ?
IT'S NO BIG THING.
BESIDES, MY THREE-MONTH STRETCH
OF REHABILITATIVE FRY COOK
THERAPY WAS UP TOMORROW ANYWAY.
I JUST MISSED THE MUGGING.
THE WHAT ?
YOU GET A MUG WHEN
YOU FINISH YOUR STINT.
RIGHT.
I FORGOT THAT PART.
ANYWAY, I GOTTA
GET BACK TO L.A.
OH, GODDAMN,
YOU'RE FROM L.A. ?
I'M NOT, BUT I MOVED OUT THERE
TO PURSUE MY ART.
...WHO SAYS, "I WANT YOU
TO MEET BESSIE."
THAT'S WHERE THEY KEPMR. CHOMPERS.
MR. CHOMPERS ?
LIKE THE PUPPET ?
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU,
A PUPPETEER ?
YES, I'M A PUPPETEER.
I'M A WRITER.
YOU WRITE THAT CRAP ?
WROTE.
OH, GOD.
I GET IT. YOU'RE LIKE
THIS-- THIS ANGSTY,
ARTY HEMINGWAY TYPE...
WHO, LIKE, SOLD OUTO HOLLYWOOD, HIT THE NEEDLE
AND ENDED UP IN REHAB.
YOU TV GEEKS DON'DO ANYTHING ORIGINAL,
DO YOU ?
ACTUALLY, THE...
TV GEEK PART IS JUSA LITTLE SIDE EFFECT.
I WAS GETTING
A LITTLE TOO FUCKED UP
IN NEW YORK...
SO I THOUGHT...
I'LL, UH, MOVE OUTO CALIFORNIA
AND GET AWAY FROM DRUGS.
SO YOU WENT TO L.A.
TO GET AWAY FROM DRUGS.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
I MISCALCULATED.
HEY, IT'S AN HONEST MISTAKE.
HEY, I'M ALL ABOUT HONESTY.
SO YOU, UH--
YOU CAME OUT COLD,
OR DID YOU
KNOW SOMEBODY ?
[ Grunts ]
WHY DO YOU WANTO KNOW ALL THIS ?
WELL, REALLY, THERE'S
ONLY TWO THINGS YOU CAN DO
IN A HOTEL ROOM,
AND, UM, WE ALREADY
DID ONE OF THEM,
MORE OR LESS.
YEAH, I SURE SHOWED YOU
A GOOD TIME, DIDN'T I ?
YEAH. EXCELLENT.
COME ON. TELL ME.
WELL, I HAD
THIS FRIEND, NICKY,
WHO WAS, UH,
KIND OF A DRUG BUDDY
FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
CAREFUL, CAREFUL, CAREFUL.
THIS IS GREAT.
IT IS GREAT,
BUT THIS IS A BIG MACHINE,
SO BE CAREFUL.
I NEVER HAD A CAR BEFORE.
THIS IS EXCELLENT.
REALLY ?
TRY IT OUT, MAN.
GIVE IT A SPIN.
TRY OUT THE BRAKES.
HE WAS ONE OF THOSE GUYS
WHO WAS ALWAYS SCHEMING UP SHITHAT ALMOST HAPPENED.
AND I WAS POPPING
SO MANY OF HIS PILLS
IT ALL SOUNDED GREAT.
[ Laughing ]
WELL, HE GAVE
THE SCRIPT TO A GUY
WHO HE PLAYS GOLF WITH...
WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE
A LOT OF MONEY, MO LEVINE.
MO LEVINE.
MO LEVINE.
THIS GUY, MO LEVINE,
READ IT.
HE LIKES IT.
HE LOVES IT.
HE SAYS HE MIGHT WANTO PUT ON THE PLAY.
ARE YOU FUCKING
KIDDING ME ?
NO, I AM NOT KIDDING YOU.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
AND YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING
THIS UNDER YOUR HAT ?
HE REALLY WANTS
TO PUT IT ON ?
NO, HE SERIOUSLY MIGHT.
THE PLAY'S THE THING.
THIS IS GREAT, MAN.
WHAT A DAY. WHAT A DAY
TO BE CRUISIN' AROUND.
I THINK WE MADE A FINE CHOICE.
CRUISIN' ON A SUMMER
AFTERNOON
I NEVER HAD A CAR.
OKAY, IT'S LIKE
BOY MEETS CHUCKLEHEAD,
AND THEN WHAT ?
BOY GETS
THIS TERRIFIC JOB...
WRITING, UH,
ALIEN PUPPET SITCOM ?
WELL, IT WASN'T REALLY
THAT SIMPLE.
I KINDA HAD TO SLEEP
MY WAY TO THE MIDDLE.
REALLY ? YOU AND NICKY ?
NO. NICKY AND I
DREW THE LINE AT NECKING.
ACTUALLY,
HE HAD THIS GIRLFRIEND...
WHO HAD A GIRLFRIEND
WHO NEEDED A GREEN CARD.
THERE'S ABOUT 200
OF THESE TURKISH FISHERMEN
STANDING AROUND ON THE DECK.
AND BECAUSE
IT WAS A HOLIDAY, THEY
WERE FALLING OVER DRUNK.
AND I'M WEARING
THESE INCREDIBLY HIGH HEELS...
AND HAULING
THIS MASSIVE CAKE DONE UP
LIKE THE AMERICAN FLAG.
SANDRA, WHAT YOU'RE DESCRIBING
SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL SCENE
FOR JERRY, WHO'S A GOOD WRITER.
BY THE TIME I FINISHED
RUNNING THAT GAUNTLET,
I LOOKED LIKE I'D
BEEN CAKE WRESTLING.
VOLA, IS
MY FUTURE HUSBAND
ALWAYS LIKE THIS ?
I MEAN, HE CAN BEHAVE
NORMALLY, RIGHT ?
NO, NOT REALLY.
- ESPECIALLY WHEN BENNY'S
MADE A HOUSE CALL.
- WHICH HE HASN'T.
I DON'T ASSOCIATE
WITH BENNY ANYMORE.
YOU'VE MADE THAT CLEAR,
AND I UNDERSTOOD IT.
ASK JERRY.
WHO'S BENNY ?
THAT'S RIGHT.
[ Vola ] THIS
PREPUBESCENT DRUG DEALER.
HEIDEGGER ?
YOU A BIG FAN OF HIS ?
WELL, I'M TRYING
TO GET THROUGH IT.
IT'S NOT EXACTLY
LIGHT SUMMER READING.
BUT IT'S PROBABLY GOOD FOR
PLOT LINES AND CHARACTER NAMES,
STUFF LIKE THAT. RIGHT ?
HAVE YOU SEEN
MR. CHOMPERS ?
I DON'T HAVE A TV.
THIS IS A GOOD GIVE-AND-TAKE.
SHE LIKES TO BULLSHIT,
YOU LIKE TO BULLSHIT.
THIS COULD BE
A LITTLE LIKE--
CAN I HAVE--
YES, YOU MAY HAVE
THE PIPE.
IT'S OVER HERE,
THEN IT'S OVER HERE.
AND THEN IT'S OVER HERE--
[ Pants Rip ]
[ Sandra ]
OH, JERRY, YOU DON'HAVE TO CHARM ME.
- WE'RE ONLY GETTING
MARRIED ON PAPER.
- GET A LOAD OF THIS.
WHAT IS THIS OUTFIT ?
THIS IS LIKE MAD MAX HERE.
YEAH.
WHAT IS THIS, LEATHER ?
ACTUALLY,
IT'S JEWISH LEATHER.
IT'S DESIGNED
FOR HUMILIATION.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
SHE'S OKAY.
SHE'S OKAY.
SHE'S BRITISH.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
IT MEANS SHE'S BRITISH.
SHE'S COOL.
YOU'RE GONNA REALLY DIG HER
WHEN YOU GET TO KNOW HER.
I DON'T WANNA KNOW HER, VOLA.
I'M JUST GETTING
MARRIED TO HER.
I'M JUST SAYING,
SHE'S NICE.
YEAH, IF YOU GO
FOR THAT STUDIED,
NONCHALANT BRIT TYPE OF THING.
SUCK MY DICK.
HOW'S IT GOING ?
WONDERFUL. YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S
FACE IS TWO INCHES FROM MY ASS.
I'M IN SEVENTH HEAVEN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
A FICTION WRITER.
OH, NICKY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
SHE HAD THE BOOK,
AND I SAID
THAT YOU WERE IN IT.
I'M NOT EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THAT.
JESUS !
I'M NOT GONNA
BACK OFF FROM THAT.
HE WON AN AWARD FOR THAT.
HE'S A GOOD WRITER.
JERRY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
COME DOWN AND MEET CRAIG.
WE'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR NEW WRITERS.
OH, MR., UH, MUNCH MAN ?
MR. CHOMPERS,
ACTUALLY. RIGHT.
MR. CHOMPERS.
WE REALLY DO TRY
TO PUSH THE FORM,
STRANGE AS IT MAY SOUND.
MY HUSTLER CREDENTIALS
WILL JUST SLIP ME RIGHIN THE DOOR THERE.
ARE WE TRYING TO PLAN
A WEDDING OR WHAT ?
WHEN DO YOU WANNA DO THIS ?
- WHAT ABOUT NOW ?
- NOW ?
YEAH.
RIGHT NOW ?
THERE'S
AN ALL-NIGHT CHAPEL
DOWN ON ALVARADO.
THAT'S RIGHT. THERE IS.
SHOULD WE DO THAT ?
JERRY, TODAY'S
A GOOD DAY TO DIE.
HOW MUCH
DID THEY PAY YOU ?
WHAT ?
TO GET MARRIED.
THREE THOUSAND.
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
MM-HMM.
DID YOU LOVE HER ?
OCCASIONALLY.
DID SHE LOVE YOU ?
I THINK SHE, UH, SAW US
AS THIS POTENTIAL HOLLYWOOD
POWER COUPLE IN THE MAKING,
WHICH IS KIND OF LIKE LOVE.
[ Receptionist ]
MR. CHOMPERS. PLEASE HOLD.
- FEEL DIFFERENT BEING MARRIED ?
- WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO KEEP IPROFESSIONAL IN HERE, OKAY ?
OH. OKAY.
[ Man ]
SORRY I'M LATE.
BUT I WAS ACTUALLY DOING
THE ONE PART OF THIS JOB
THAT I ENJOY.
I WAS MEETING
WITH A GROUP
OF LIBRARIANS...
WHO WANT ME TO DEVELOP
A MR. CHOMPERS
LITERACY PROGRAM.
THIS FELLOW TESTS
HIGHER THAN BARNEY.
I'M AMAZED.
THAT'S REALLY QUITE
FANTASTIC, JERRY.
IT'S LIKE CRAIG'S DISCOVERED
SOME KIND OF...
UNTAPPED MYTH.
JERRY, SANDRA SHOWED ME
SOME OF YOUR FICTION
AND YOUR AWARDS,
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
POWERFUL STUFF.
ALMOST TOO POWERFUL.
I'M WONDERING
IF YOUR MIND CAN FUNCTION...
DOWN ON OUR LEVEL.
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE
OUR LITTLE FRIEND HERE ?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
WELL, I'M SURE
YOU HAVE SOME IDEAS
FOR OUR LOVABLE PUPPET.
I SAY FUCK
THE LOVABLE PUPPET.
THIS GUY'S
A WEB-TOED METAPHOR...
FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM
GONE BAD.
I SEE MR. CHOMPERS
AS A MODERN DAY
TOM JOAD.
I GREW UP IN PACIFIC GROVE.
I HUNG OUT ON CANNERY ROW.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THERE,
SANDRA ?
- NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
- I STARTED READING--
WHAT'S HIS NAME ?
- STEINBECK.
- STEINBECK-- WHEN I WAS NINE.
I LIKE THIS.
- THE LITTLE GUY.
- THE LITTLE GUY.
EVERYMAN. THE TRAMP.
I LIKE THIS.
THE DEFENDER
OF THE COMMON MAN.
GANDHI... IS GOING TOO FAR.
THIS COULD SERIOUSLY RESHAPE
THE SECOND SEASON BIBLE,
SANDRA.
HERE'S A PIECE OF SHIT,
JERRY.
I WROTE IT AND REWROTE IT,
BUT IT AIN'T WORKING.
IF YOU CAN MAKE THAT WORK,
YOU'RE ON. OKAY ?
OKAY.
SANDRA, GET ME A COPY
OF GRAPES OF WRATH.
JERRY, GOOD MEETING YOU.
[ Jerry ]
SO NOW I GOTTA REWRITE
CRAIG'S PIECE OF SHIT.
AND I'M SLEEPING
ON NICKY'S COUCH.
[ Woman ]
WERE YOU GETTING HIGH ?
MAINTENANCE, YOU KNOW.
ENOUGH POT TO BLIND AN OX AND
WHATEVER ELSE WAS LAYING AROUND.
[ Phone Ringing ]
HELLO.
MOM ?
MOM, THIS ISN'T THE BANK.
THIS IS JERRY IN CALIFORNIA.
YOU CALLED ME, MOM.
ALL RIGHT, FINE, MOM.
ARE YOU OKAY ?
MOM, ARE YOU OKAY ?
OKAY, MOM,
I REALLY MEAN THIS.
I HAVE TO GO.
I HOPE YOU HAVE
A WONDERFUL DAY.
GOOD-BYE, MOM.
MOM, GOOD-BYE.
[ Exhales ]
[ Man ]
SUICIDE IS ONE OF THE GREAMYSTERIES OF OUR TIME.
WHEN WARREN STAHL
TOOK HIS OWN LIFE,
HE TOOK A PART OF US WITH--
[ Woman #1 ]
I REALLY FEEL BAD.
SUCH A FORMATIVE AGE.
[ Man ]
WHAT A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE WASTE.
I MEAN, HE ACHIEVED SO MUCH.
OH, GOD !
[ Woman #2 ] HE ALWAYS HAD
THE DISCIPLINE FOR CREATIVITY.
I AM STEEL.
STEEL FEELS NOTHING.
[ Sobbing ]
WARREN. WARREN.
WHY, WARREN ?
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME
WITH THEM ? THEY HATE ME.
- WE DON'T HATE YOU, MOM.
- CORRECT ME
IF I'M WRONG, BRAD.
ISN'T IT ILLEGAL
TO NAME A CAT WARREN
IN THIS STATE ?
[ TV Audience Laughing ]
I WANT TO GO, TOO.
[ TV Audience Applauding ]
[ TV Stops ]
SO, WHAT DID
YOU THINK ?
IT'S REALLY WEIRD.
I WROTE THALIKE TEN DAYS AGO.
I THINK YOU SHOULD
BE REALLY PROUD.
HMM. "PROUD" ISN'THE FIRST WORD
THAT COMES TO MIND.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'VE HAD
A CRUSH ON YOU SINCE
THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU.
[ Woman ]
DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE SHE WAS TOO BAD.
[ Jerry ]
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL,
SHE WAS WITTY...
AND SHE HAD NO IDEA
WHO I REALLY WAS.
[ Woman ]
DID YOU KNOW
WHO SHE REALLY WAS ?
BE RIGHT BACK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
ARE YOU OKAY ?
[ Woman ]
DON'T TELL ME.
NOT THE MEDICINE CABINET.
[ Jerry ]
OH, YEAH.
BY THEN, I WAS A PRO.
YOU KNOW, THE OLD
COUGH-AND-FLUSH TECHNIQUE.
[ Coughs ]
COUGH WHEN YOU OPEN.
FLUSH WHEN YOU SHUT IT.
JERRY, ARE YOU OKAY ?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
WORKS PRETTY GOOD
UNLESS YOU FORGETO PUT BACK THE DRUGS.
THEN YOU HAVE TO FLUSH TWICE
AND PLEAD BAD PLUMBING.
[ Toilet Flushes ]
I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY
ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES
WE'VE HAD THIS SERIES.
REALLY ? OOH, THAT'S KIND
OF A SCARY THOUGHT.
DO YOU WANTO STAY THE NIGHT ?
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M GONNA HEAD HOME.
IT'S GETTING KINDA LATE.
AND I GOTTA GET UP TOMORROW
AND ALL THAT... STUFF.
JERRY,
I'VE HAD AN IDEA.
YOU HAVEN'T FOUND ANYWHERE
TO LIVE YET, HAVE YOU ?
UH, NO.
I'M NOT REALLY TOO GOOD
AT LOOKING FOR PLACES.
I'M MUCH BETTER
AT MOVING OUT.
WELL, I WAS JUSTHINKING THAT--
YOU KNOW,
IT COULD REALLY HELP
MY GREEN CARD SITUATION...
IF-- IF WE LIVED
UNDER THE SAME ROOF.
I'VE GOT THIS SPARE BEDROOM
THAT I NEVER GO INTO...
WHICH YOU COULD WORK IN,
UNDISTURBED ALL DAY,
'CAUSE I'D BE AT WORK.
- IT'S NOT THAT WE'RE
MOVING IN MOVING IN--
- RIGHT.
THE ONLY THING IS,
THERE'S ACTUALLY THIS GUY
WHO, UH,
I HAD KINDA GONE DOWN
THE ROAD WITH ON A PLACE,
AND I FEEL LIKE I'D BE
KINDA LEAVING HIM
IN THE LURCH...
IF I JUST, UH--
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?
THANKS.
JERRY.
YEAH, I CAN'T--
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
I'M STILL SPINNING FROM THAT,
AND IT WAS--
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE YET.
THAT'S WHERE I'M AT.
SO, UH-- BUT, UH,
I'M JUST GONNA, UH--
I'M GONNA, UH--
I'M GONNA LET MYSELF OUT,
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A DRIVER'S LICENSE ?
I DIDN'T HAVE A WALLEWHEN I WAS MAKING
FIVE GRAND A WEEK.
ALL THAT MONEY.
WHAT ABOUT THE SWIMMING POOLS
AND DOING COKE IN LIMOS
ALL NIGHT ?
TRY SLEEPING
ON NICKY'S COUCH,
EATING HIS PAINKILLERS...
AND DRIVING
A '76 CADDY.
[ Man ]
WELL, A YOUNG MAN
AIN'T NOTHIN'
IN THIS WORLD THESE DAYS
AH, WELL, A YOUNG MAN
WHERE ARE MY PILLS ?
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PILLS ?
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT ?
BENNY'S PERCODAN,
THEY'RE GONE.
DID I PUT THEM IN--
DID I MISPLACE 'EM ?
YOU KEEP THEM IN THIS THING ?
YES. NO, THEY'RE
NOT IN THERE.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE.
DID I PUT THEM HERE ?
THEY COULDN'T HAVE JUSGOTTEN UP AND WALKED AWAY.
LET'S FIND THEM.
LET'S SCOUR THE HOUSE.
YOU TAKE THAT SIDE,
I'LL TAKE THIS SIDE.
OKAY, SCOUR. BE THOROUGH.
GO THROUGH
ALL THAT STUFF.
THEY GOTTA BE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
COULD VOLA
HAVE TAKEN MY DRUGS ?
IS THAT POSSIBLE ?
I DOUBT VOLA WOULD DO THAT.
I SERIOUSLY DOUBSHE WOULD DO IT.
BUT I DON'T KNOW HER
AS WELL AS YOU DO.
I DON'T WANTO RUSH TO JUDGMENT.
JUST KEEP LOOKING.
MAN, WHERE THE FUCK
ARE MY DRUGS, MAN ? THIS--
NICKY. NICKY. NICKY !
WHAT ?
CHILL OUT FOR A SECOND.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
VISUALIZE THE LAST TIME
YOU REMEMBER ACTUALLY
SEEING THE PILLS.
IF I WAS PERCODAN,
WHERE WOULD I BE ?
BATHROOM MAYBE ?
BATH-- THAT'S SO OBVIOUS
IT COULD WORK.
I'LL CHECK THE RESOF THE ROOM IN HERE, OKAY ?
I'M ON IT IN HERE.
NO, IT COULDN'T HAVE
JUST WALKED AWAY.
[ Clanking ]
ANY LUCK ?
NO. WHAT ABOUT YOU ?
NOPE.
KEEP LOOKIN'.
[ Snapping Fingers ]
OH, YOU CAN STOP
LOOKING, JERRY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FIND ANYTHING.
DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
SIT DOWN.
SIT DOWN, JERRY.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT ?
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
DIAGRAM OF A SCAM.
LET ME LAY IT OUFOR YOU.
OKAY, NICKY, FIRST OF ALL--
EXCUSE ME.
LET ME FINISH THIS.
YOU AND I GO OUT.
LITTLE BENNY,
INNOCENT LITTLE BENNY,
COMES IN,
STEALS THE DRUGS,
MAKES OUT, IS RIGHT NOW
HIGH AS A KITE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM.
THAT LITTLE FUCKER BENNY.
YEAH, THAT LITTLE FUCKER.
HE SEES HIS ANGLE
AND HE PLAYS IT.
[ Phone Ringing ]
I'VE ALWAYS HAD
A WEIRD FEELING ABOUT THAT KID.
HE'S DEFINITELY GOT--
LET'S SLOW DOWN
A LITTLE BIT.
[ Ringing Continues ]
HE'S A GOOD FRIEND.
[ Answering Machine
Picks Up ]
NICKY, HE'S 12 YEARS OLD.
HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR JERRY
FROM HIS SISTER.
JERRY,
YOU-YOU BETTER CALL ME.
YOU HAVE TO COME--
WELL, COME BACK
TO PITTSBURGH.
MOMMY DIED.
SHE, UH-- UH--
[ Machine Beeps ]
TAKE YOUR TIME
BACK UP A LITTLE BIT
COME ON NOW, PEOPLE
GET YOURSELVES
OUT OF HERE
[ Woman ]
SO WHAT HAPPENED ?
YOU WENT BACK TO SANDRA ?
[ Jerry ]
NO. I WAS SENTIMENTAL
AFTER CLEANING UP MOM'S BLOOD.
SO I WENT TO A BAR
WHEN I GOT BACK TO L.A.
[ Announcer ]
WITH LOS ANGELES HOLDING
A ONE-POINT LEAD AT 15 TO 14,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ Commercial Announcer ]
SUNDAY, MR. CHOMPERS
HAS GOT A NEW PET.
[ Mr. Chompers ]
BRAD, MEET BESSIE.
[ Brad ]
WHAT A DIVINE BOVINE !
TURN IT OFF, JOE.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
[ Jerry ]
SHE HATED MR. CHOMPERS,
WHICH TURNED ME ON
IMMEDIATELY.
I'M JERRY.
DAGMAR.
FROM DRESDEN.
JERRY STAHL.
STAHL. STAHL.
YOU KNOW WHAT "STAHL" MEANS
IN GERMAN ?
IT MEANS JERRY STEEL.
[ Slow Pop ]
MY HUSBAND
WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT.
OH, YEAH ?
YEAH.
WHY ?
HIS FAMILY MAKES STEEL.
OH. WHAT FAMILY IS THAT ?
THE KRUPPS.
JESUS, THE KRUPPS.
THEY'RE, LIKE,
FAMOUS NAZIS, RIGHT ?
YOU CAN HURT ME
YOU LIKE IT NOW ?
SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
I THINK THIS QUALIFIES
AS A SPECIAL OCCASION.
[ Woman ]
THIS IS THE SERIAL NUMBER
OF OUR ORBITING GUN
S-H-1
0-1-5-1
YOU BETTER BE SURE
BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME
FOR ANOTHER ONE
YOU CAN HURT ME
I CAN HURT YOU
YOU CAN
HURT ME
KISS ME.
YOU CAN HURT ME
KISS ME.
I CAN HURT YOU
YOU CAN HURT ME
OH ! MY GOD !
MY GOD !
I'M BEING FUCKED BY A JEW !
[ Knocking ]
JERRY, HI.
IS IT TOO LATE ?
NO. NO. COME IN.
LOOK, I HEARD
ABOUT YOUR MOM.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
YEAH. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
LOOK, I JUST MADE
A CUP OF TEA.
I'LL GET YOU ONE.
WHY DON'T YOU JUSSIT DOWN ?
COULD I STAY HERE ?
CAN I STAY HERE ?
[ Woman ]
YOU'RE SERIOUSLY DISTURBED.
HMM ? WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?
- I'M GOING HOME.
- COME ON. COME BACK TO BED.
GOD, YOU'RE A MESS.
OH. WELL, YEAH, I KNEW
WE HAD SOMETHING IN COMMON.
IT TOOK ME
EVERYTHING I HAD,
BUT I GOT CLEAN.
YEAH, I KNOW. REMEMBER ?
WHY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE WHAT,
50 DAYS CLEAN ?
THAT'S NOTHING.
YOU'RE STILL
A FUCKING JUNKIE.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE
TO GO BACK TO REHAB
AND I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.
- WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF ?
- I'M NOT AFRAID, JERRY.
BULLSHIT. YOU'RE OUT HERE,
COMPLETELY ALONE, IN THE MIDDLE
OF FUCKING NOWHERE,
WORKING
SOME WEIRD-ASS JOB.
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME
YOU ACTUALLY HAD FUN ?
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU
LET YOURSELF HAVE A GOOD TIME ?
NOW. RIGHT ? THIS IS IT.
NOW, RIGHT ? THE LAST DAY.
AND IT JUST FREAKS YOU
THE FUCK OUT.
YOU ARE TOTALLY AFRAID.
AND YOU'RE
SO FUCKING INTIMATE.
FUCK.
WHAT ?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME.
MY NAME'S KITTY.
KITTY ?
IS THAT FUNNY ?
NO. I JUST--
I DIDN'T TAKE YOU
FOR A KITTY, BUT--
WHAT ? KITTY.
OH !
WHAT ?
KITTY.
KITTY.
KITTY.
OH !
I GOTTA GO.
NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW.
YOU'LL MISS THE BEST PART.
[ Jerry ]
BY NOW, SANDRA AND I
WERE DEEP INTO THE CHARADE.
OOPS. SORRY.
I DROPPED THE IRON.
I'LL GIVE YOU A TYPICAL DAY.
- SHE WAKES UP AT 7:00,
HEADS TO WORK--
- JERRY, I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.
JERRY, I'VE GOTTA--
JERRY-- OH !
TWO HOURS LATER,
I SLIME OUT OF BED
AND START MY REGIMEN.
WAKE UP.
UNCROSS MY EYES.
OW ! OH !
MAMA PAJAMAS !
WHEAT GRASS. WHEAT GRASS.
FOLLOWED BY
A LITTLE WHEAT GRASS...
BECAUSE HEALTHY EATING
IS MY LIFE.
THEN IT'S OUTSIDE
FOR A FIVE-MILE JOG.
[ Kitty ]
WAIT. YOU'D SHOOT HEROIN
AND RUN FIVE MILES ?
[ Jerry ]
HEY, I WAS AN L.A. JUNKIE.
I HAD TO STAY FIT.
THEN IT WAS OFF
TO BEVERLY HILLS
TO CRANK OUT THE SNAPPY PATTER.
HELLO !
JERRY ! MY GOD,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?
DID YOU READ MY NOTES ?
I DID NOT READ THE NOTES
BECAUSE I JUST GOT HERE,
BUT I'D BE HAPPY--
LOOK, IT'S OBVIOUS
YOU NEED TO SORT THIS OUT.
PLEASE.
HELLO, JERRY.
THIS SHOW SUCKS.
AND YOU'RE
THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKER
THAT CAN HELP US !
HE'S FREAKING ME OUT, CRAIG.
HE'S FREAKING ME OUWITH THE PUPPET.
WE START THE FIRST ACWITH A FLASHBACK...
TO SEE MR. CHOMPERS
SEEING BRAD AND KATIE
HAVING THEIR FIRST FIGHT,
ONLY WE AGE BRAD AND KATIE
BACK FIVE YEARS...
AND THEN BEGIN THE SECOND ACEXACTLY THE SAME WAY.
WE HAVE
LITTLE MR. CHOMPERS HERE
GOADING EVERYBODY ON.
HE GOES TO THE FREEZER...
COME ON, MAN.
GIVE IT TO ME.
TO PREPARE AN ARANDULAN
FLESH TRANSFER.
THAT'S GOOD.
I LIKE THAT. I LOVE THAT.
IT'S BETTER.
JERRY, DIG IN.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO WALK HIM THROUGH IT.
I GOTTA CALL
THE NETWORK.
I GOTTA PEE.
THEN I'D LEAVE THE OFFICE,
HOP IN THE CADDIE,
TURN ON SOME TWISTED TALK RADIO.
HOLLYWOOD,
THE ONLY TOWN IN AMERICA WITH
A 24-HOUR SELF-HELP STATION.
[ Man On Radio ]
IN A WAY WHERE I COULD--
SHOOT BACK ACROSS TOWN
TO EAST L.A.
NOT TOO MUCH TRAFFIC
HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION.
JUST IN TIME TO HOOK UP
WITH MY REGULAR CONNECTION
AND SURROGATE FAMILY,
DITA AND HER SON, MIGUEL.
OH, JERRY, MAN, YOU
DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
HEY, I'M JEWISH.
I NEVER GOT TO DO THIS
WHEN I WAS A KID.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A CHRISTMAS TREE ? HOW COME ?
AYUDALO. AYUDALO.
YOU HEARD OF THE JEWS,
MIGUEL, RIGHT ?
YEAH. SO WHAT ?
DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT ILATER.
SO, HOW'S MIGUEL
DOING IN SCHOOL ?
HE'S DOING GOOD.
HMM ?
AH, HE COULD DO BETTER.
DOES HE DO HIS HOMEWORK
EVERY NIGHT ?
YEAH, BUT HE COULD
APPLY HIMSELF A LITTLE MORE.
WHEN YOU SAY
"APPLY HIMSELF,"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
HE COULD GET BETTER GRADES.
HE'S SMARTER THAN THAT.
BUT HE--
HE'S A SMART KID,
I'M TELLIN' YA.
I KNOW, BUT HE DOESN'HELP ME AROUND THE HOUSE.
I NEED HELP.
THIS PLACE IS TOO BIG.
HE NEEDS LIKE,
UH, YOU KNOW--
LIKE, A FATHER FIGURE.
HE DON'T NEED NO FATHER.
HE GOT ME.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD, LIKE,
TAKE HIM TO A BALL GAME
SOMETIME OR SOMETHING.
YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU KNOW,
JUST PAL AROUND WITH HIM.
OH, HE'S JUST LIKE HIS FATHER.
HE EATS AND HE EATS,
AND HE NEVER GETS FAT.
[ Jerry ]
WHERE DOES IT ALL GO ?
AREN'T YOU HUNGRY ?
YOU GOT A LITTLE
SCHNAUZER DOWN THERE ?
YOU WANT A TOMATO ?
TOMATO ?
IS IT ORGANIC ?
YEAH. FRESH OFF
THE PRODUCE TRUCK.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
NO. NEVER MIND.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
JERRY ONLY EATS HEALTHY.
TOMATOES ARE HEALTHY.
SOAKED IN CHEMICALS,
AMIGO.
[ Laughing,
Coughing ]
[ Coughing Continues ]
OH, HO, HO, HO. OH.
[ Miguel ]
HEY, JERRY.
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE GOING ?
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
YOUR TICKET.
HEY.
JERRY !
WHAT HAPPENED ?
MY BAD. MY BAD.
I WAS CAUGHT IN THIS
AMAZING WRITING GROOVE.
I WAS IN THIS WRITING...
HEAVEN...
FOR LIKE-- LIKE--
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG,
AND I TOTALLY LOST TRACK
OF EVERYTHING.
I WAS ON MARS,
OVER THE MOON.
STUFF WAS COMING OUT OF ME.
IT WAS LIKE I WAS
CHANNELING STRINDBERG,
BUT LIKE A FUNNY VERSION OF IT.
AND I ZONED.
UM, I'M JANA FARMER.
HEY.
I TRIED CALLING
THE HOUSE, JERRY.
THAT PHONE--
THE RINGER'S FUCKED.
EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE.
BUT IT'S REALLY--
AND THIS PLACE-- AM I CRAZY ?
THIS PLACE USED
TO BE ON LA BREA, 'CAUSE
I'M DRIVING UP, UM, LA BREA,
AND IT'S NOT THERE ANYMORE.
AND THEN THE GUY TELLS ME
THAT IT'S OVER HERE.
THIS IS-- ANYWAY,
I'M REALLY SORRY WE DIDN'T GEA CHANCE TO EAT AND, UH--
ARE YOU HUNGRY ?
BECAUSE THE CHEF'S DOING
A CURBSIDE THING NOW.
JUST PULL UP, AND HE'LL
RUN OUT WITH AN ARUGULA
SHAKE OR SOMETHING.
ARE YOU BEING--
[ Loud Laughter ]
OOH !
NOT HUNGRY.
JANA'S A GOOD FRIEND
OF MINE, JERRY.
SHE'S READ YOUR WORK,
AND SHE LIKES IT.
OH, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE YOUR WORK.
I THINK YOU'RE
A TREMENDOUS WRITER.
I'M NOT A TREMENDOUS WRITER.
I HEAR YOU ARE
A FANTASTIC AGENT.
I'M NOT JUST BLOWING SMOKE
UP YOUR CRACK. SANDRA TELLS ME
THE REAL DEAL ON THIS SHIT.
SHE SAYS THAT AMONG YOUR PEERS,
YOU'RE CONSIDERED
THE BEST AGENT IN THE WORLD.
WELL, I'M-- I'M GLAD
YOU'VE HEARD THAT...
BECAUSE I'D LOVE
TO REPRESENT YOU.
YOU'VE GOT A HUGE CAREER
AHEAD OF YOU.
WELL, I'LL FUCK IT UP.
GIVE ME A CHANCE.
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
I REGREWE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO TALK OVER DINNER,
BUT CALL ME TOMORROW.
I'M-I'M-I'M BLOWN AWAY.
I MEAN, THIS IS-- THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHY, THAT'S VERY
EUROPEAN OF YOU.
THANK YOU.
IS THIS LIKE A, UH, UH--
AN EAST INDIAN--
I REALLY DON'T KNOW
FROM WHENCE IT COMES.
I'LL MEET YOU BY THE CAR.
NICE MEETING YOU.
HEY, IT WAS WONDERFUL
MEETING YOU.
SHE'S WONDERFUL.
JANA'S GOING
TO TAKE ME HOME,
SO I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
IS EVERYTHING COOL ?
LET'S TALK
ABOUT IT LATER, OKAY ?
ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE.
[ Kitty ]
SO, WHAT'S AN AGENT DO ?
HOW CAN YOU EATHAT CRAP ?
IT'S SO BAD FOR YOU.
RIGHT. THIS FROM A MAN
WHO SHOT UP BLACK TAR...
SMUGGLED ACROSS THE BORDER
IN PEOPLE'S ASSES.
YEAH, WELL, AT LEASTHERE WAS NO M.S.G.
SO, YOU GET THIS AGENAND THEN WHAT ?
GET A GREAT GIG,
A HUGE ADVANCE,
BLOW ALL OF IT ON DOPE
AND COP A HABITHE SIZE OF UTAH.
[ People Chattering ]
[ Dance ]
- OH, GOD !
- HEY! JESUS ! FUCK !
DON'T YOU KNOCK, HUH ?
I'M TRYIN'
TO GET DRESSED HERE.
CAN I TALK TO YOU ?
I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.
THIS IS-- IT'S BEEN
CRAZY LATELY, YOU KNOW,
WITH THE SHOW
AND THE PLAY, WITH NICKY.
THIS IS SO WEIRD.
IT'S LIKE A WHOLE
NEW THING FOR ME.
I'M MAKING MORE MONEY
THAN MY DAD.
JERRY, CRAIG IS FIRING YOU.
WHAT ?
HE'S GETTING RID
OF YOU TOMORROW.
THAT-- THAT-- WHY ?
I-I-I SAVED HIS ASS LAST MONTH.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
HE LIKES YOU.
HE JUST-- HE CAN'WORK WITH YOU ANYMORE.
YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE,
YOU'RE ERRATIC
AND YOU'RE ALWAYS HIGH.
DID HE SAY THAT ?
DID HE SAY "ERRATIC" ?
OR IS THAT YOU PUTTING
A LITTLE SPIN ON IT ?
NO. MY WORDS
WOULD BE VERY DIFFERENT.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
WHAT ARE YOUR WORDS ?
WHAT WOULD YOUR WORDS BE ?
YOU ARE SO FULL
OF SELF-HATRED
THAT YOU CANNOT CONTAIN IT.
SO ALL YOU DO
IS SHOOT IT BACK
INTO YOUR VEINS...
AND LET IT SPIN OUONTO EVERYBODY ELSE.
THAT'S REALLY POETIC.
THAT'S REALLY GREAT.
CAN I USE THAT SOMETIME ?
YEAH, IF YOU'RE EVER
IN A FIT-ENOUGH STATE
TO WRITE ANOTHER LINE.
OKAY, CAN I, UM, HAVE
LIKE TWO SECONDS HERE ?
THERE'S A PARTY GOING ON
OUT HERE, YOU KNOW.
[ Continues ]
IT'S A REALLY COOL PLAY.
JERRY WROTE ITHREE YEARS AGO.
BUT IT'S-- IT'S
50 PERCENT AVANT POP.
IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE 'CAUSE
IT'S 50 PERCENT AVANT POP,
50 PERCENT SAM SHEPARD
MEETS ARTHUR C. CLARKE.
WE SPOON-FED IT TO HIM,
AND NOW I HEAR HE'S GOING
ALL AROUND TOWN...
PITCHING OUR IDEA
BACK TO OTHER NETWORKS.
HOW COULD HE DO THAT ?
THAT GUY'S SLIME.
HIS SECRETARIES WRITE
HIS SCRIPTS FOR HIM.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS,
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO COME
TO THESE PARTIES, RIGHT ?
AND EVERYBODY'S
TALKING ABOUT WORK.
THEY DON'T HAVE A FUCKING LIFE ?
YEAH.
I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT I HAVE
A REALLY RICH CIVILIAN LIFE.
I'D LIKE TO THINK
YOU DO, TOO. YOU KNOW ?
MOST DEFINITELY, YEAH.
SO TELL ME.
WHAT ARE YOUR PASSIONS ?
MY PASSIONS ?
UM, EVERYTHING I DO.
EVERYTHING.
HEY, WOULD YOU
EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND ?
NO, I WON'T. I WON'T.
YOU BLEW ME OFF FOR DINNER.
YOU DON'T CALL ME.
I GAVE YOU MY CARD.
YOU'RE NOW OBLIGATED
TO STAND HERE
AND GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES.
YOU'RE COMING BACK, RIGHT ?
TEN PERCENT NAKED GIRLS.
JERRY, OF COURSE.
- JERRY, TELL HER
HOW GREAT THE PLAY IS.
- IT'S GREAT.
TELL ME ABOUYOUR IMPROV GROUP.
WHAT IS THAT LIKE ?
SO, HAVE YOU
MET JERRY YET ?
NO. IS HE HERE ?
OH, YES, HE'S HERE,
BUT HE'S REALLY SHY.
HE'S PROBABLY HIDING
IN A CORNER SOMEWHERE.
[ Grunts ]
[ Knocking At Door ]
BUSY.
[ Mr. Chompers ]
HEY, JERRY,
LET ME IN, WILL YA ?
COME ON.
OPEN THE DOOR.
[ Knocking ]
MR. CHOMPERS ?
DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
COME ON.
YOU KNOW NOBODY CAN
WRITE THE SHIT YOU WRITE
STRAIGHT.
[ Knocking ]
YOU OWE ME A TASTE.
GODDAMN IT !
LET ME IN !
THIS ISN'T FUNNY !
NO WONDER
YOU DON'T WRITE
FOR ME ANYMORE !
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE BASICS OF COMEDY !
GO AWAY !
FUCKING JUNKIE !
- NO, NO, GET THE--
- AAH !
GODDAMN IT !
LET ME IN,
YOU FUCK !
THIS ISN'T FUNNY !
NO, NO, NO !
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming Continues ]
...MORE SOUNDS
OR SOMETHING--
[ Breathing Heavily ]
WHAT WAS THAT SOUND ?
THE ONE THAT WE CAME UP WITH
THE OTHER DAY ?
THAT GREAT SOUND.
IT WAS A "DOOT DOOT,"
YOU KNOW.
[ Vomiting ]
I DON'T EVEN--
HE WASN'T THAT--
I DON'T KNOW.
[ Jana ]
IT'S AN AMAZING PROJECT.
VERY SIMILAR TO ACE IN THE HOLE.
BUT WHAT IT'S LACKING
IS SOMEONE WITH YOUR KIND
OF DARK VISION.
AND AT THE END OF THE DAY,
THAT'S REALLY ALL IT NEEDS
TO MAKE IT--
OR MAYBE YOU COULD JUSREAD THE COVERAGE ON IT.
YEAH.
ARE YOU COMING BACK ?
BOY, YOU REALLY PAID
YOUR DUES, HUH ?
YOU EVER BEEN
TO ONE OF THOSE PARTIES ?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?
ME AND GEORGE HAMILTON,
MAN, WE'RE LIKE THIS.
WELL, IT WAS GETTING
TO THE POINT...
WHERE I HAD
TO SHOOT SIX BAGS TO TURN ON
THE FUCKING TYPEWRITER.
BY THIS POINT,
DITA COULDN'T KEEP UP
WITH MY HABIT.
SO SOME DAYS
I HAD TO IMPROVISE.
THE WAY IT FITS
INTO HIS HAND
HE ROLLED A BLADE UP
IN HIS TRICK TOWEL
THEY SLAPPED THEIR HANDS
AGAINST THE WALL
YOU NEVER TRIP
YOU NEVER STUMBLE
HE'S WALKIN' SPANISH
DOWN THE HALL
[ Loud Thuds ]
OW !
SLIP HIM A PICTURE
OF OUR JESUS
OR GIVE HIM A SPOON
TO DIG A HOLE
WHAT ALL HE DONE
AIN'T NO ONE'S BUSINESS
JESUS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ?
NOTHING.
I JUST SLIPPED AT THE GYM.
IT'S NOT THERE, JERRY.
WELL, WHERE IS IT ?
I THREW IT AWAY.
OH ! OH, WHY DID
YOU DO THAT ? HUH ?
JERRY, I CAN'T STAND BY
AND WATCH YOU DO THIS
TO YOURSELF.
YES, YOU CAN.
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE.
LISTEN, I'M SORRY.
HONEY, I KNOW THIS LOOKS BAD,
BUT IT'S REALLY--
IT'S WORSE THAN IT SEEMS,
AND IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE CRAZY, RIGHT ?
THAT'S WHAYOU'RE THINKING,
BUT IT'S REALLY--
I-I-- IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
I JUST NEED TO--
I NEED TO QUION MY OWN SCHEDULE,
AND I'M GONNA QUIT.
JERRY, I CAN GET YOU A JOB
ON NO SUCH LUCK.
I KNOW THE PRODUCERS.
I DON'T WANTO DO THAT SHOW.
IT WOULD BE GREAFOR YOU TO DO IT.
I COULD DO THAT.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ?
REALLY ?
I JUST WANT US
TO BE HAPPY.
I WANT US TO BE HAPPY.
THAT'S ALL I WANT. I WANT--
YOU ARE SUCH A PRIORITY
FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS WEIRD,
BUT I'VE NEVER HAD
A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEBODY--
DO YOU WANT TO DO IT ?
YEAH, I THINK I SHOULD.
THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT,
IT SEEMS LIKE
A REALLY GOOD IDEA.
I'M GOING TO CALL
SOME REHAB PLACES
TOMORROW, OKAY ?
OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
THANK YOU.
I SWEAR, THIS IS JUSTHE GAS TO GET ME
TO THE HOSPITAL, YOU KNOW.
I LOVE YOU.
SANDRA SAID A LOOF GREAT THINGS
ABOUT YOU.
NO, NO, NO. I READ SOME
OF YOUR CHOMPERS STUFF.
YOU CAN WRITE,
NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
BUT... WE'RE NOT DOING
A PUPPET SHOW HERE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING
A PUPPET SHOW.
NO, IT'S NOA PUPPET SHOW.
GARY. HI.
HEY, DARLIN'.
HELLO.
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'VE HAD A CHANCE
TO READ THE SCRIPT,
BUT PAMELA HAS IDEAS
ON WHERE WE SHOULD TAKE IT.
WELL, I HATE MY CHARACTER.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO SAY
THAT I'M AN ATTORNEY
OR A JUDGE OR WHATEVER...
AND THEN JUST WRITE ME
AS THE TYPICAL
LOVE-STARVED SINGLE WOMAN...
WHO GETS WEEVERY TIME SOMEBODY
ASKS HER OUT FOR DINNER.
UH, ABSOLUTELY.
UH, THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD...
HAPPY ACCIDENT.
MY FATHER WAS
A FEDERAL APPEALS COURT JUDGE
FOR 20 YEARS.
SO I KNOW
WHAT THAT'S ABOUT.
THE CASE
THAT HE PUTS THE GAVEL IN.
THIS LITTLE LEATHER
BLUE AND WHITE STITCH THING,
YOU KNOW.
UM, HOW HE CLEANS THE ROBES.
WHAT HE WEARS UNDERNEATH,
ALL RIGHT ?
GETTING INTO THAT WHOLE AREA.
BUT STUFF LIKE THAT,
THE LITTLE--
THE MINUTIAE, WHICH IS REALLY
WHAT GIVES IT THE, YOU KNOW--
THE LIFE TO IT--
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT THAT YOU CAN
BRING YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE
TO THIS THING.
WELL, THAT'S HOW I WORK.
I KINDA--
I MEAN, THAT'S HOW
HOPEFULLY EVERYBODY--
THAT'S THE CREATIVE PROCESS.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHOW ?
HAVE I SEEN THE SHOW ?
IT'S WONDERFUL.
WONDERFUL STUFF.
WHAT YOU GUYS DO--
WHAT YOU GUYS DO
WITH THIS SHOW IS, UH--
I DON'T WANT TO SAY ARBECAUSE THAT GETS--
BUT KIND OF.
YOU KNOW, I BRING
WHATEVER I CAN BRING
TO THE TABLE.
HOPEFULLY, IT'S HELPFUL STUFF.
THAT'S ALL I DO, SCOTT.
IT'S JUST GONNA--
- NO, NO. GARY.
- JERRY.
GARY.
I'M-- YOU'RE GARY.
I KNOW YOU'RE GARY.
JERRY, I GOTTA MAKE
A COUPLE OF CALLS.
- THANKS FOR COMING IN, HUH ?
- HEY, MAN, YOU DO YOUR THING.
I'M A FLY ON THE WALL.
I HAVE TO MAKE
THE CALLS RIGHT NOW.
MAKE THE CALLS
RIGHT NOW.
YOU BE GOOD.
OKAY, MAN.
PAMELA--
OKAY, JERRY.
THANKS
FOR COMING IN, HUH ?
OKAY.
MIND IF I... INDULGE ?
JERRY.
YOU'RE EASY TO SPOFROM A DISTANCE.
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
MY SHOW.
HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT IN THERE.
I JUST, YOU KNOW-- I WAS, UM--
- I THINK I GOT NERVOUS AND--
- BULLSHIT.
I'D BET $50
I'D FIND TRACK MARKS
BETWEEN YOUR TOES.
- I SAID I WAS SORRY, SO--
- DON'T BE SORRY.
IT'S A SHITTY SHOW.
BUT THEY'RE PAYING ME
AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF MONEY,
WHICH I NEED,
BECAUSE EVERYTHING
I MADE WHEN I WAS YOUNG,
I EITHER DRANK AWAY,
SNORTED UP MY NOSE
OR DROVE IN THE POOL.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
LOOK, I WANT YOU
TO WRITE FOR MY SHOW.
IF YOU CAN GET CLEAN.
OKAY, BUT, UM,
WHAT ABOUT THAT, UH, GARY ?
[ Scoffs ]
PLEASE.
IF YOU FUCK UP,
YOU WON'T EXIST.
[ Man ]
ANY ALLERGIES TO MEDICATION ?
[ Jerry ] NOPE.
TAKING ANY
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS ?
NOPE.
- THINK YOU CAN KICK ?
- EXCUSE ME ?
METHANOL WILL GET RID
OF THE SHAKES,
BUT YOU'RE TRADING
ONE HABIT FOR ANOTHER.
YOU WANNA QUIT,
IT'S UP TO YOU.
WELL, THAT'S VERY INFORMATIVE.
THANK YOU.
HOW LONG YOU BEEN USING ?
A COUPLE OF YEARS.
YOU WON'T MAKE IT.
IT'S A CYCLE.
PROBABLY
BE USING AGAIN
IN A MONTH...
AND BACK HERE,
ETCETERA, ETCETERA.
I'LL START YOU OFF
AT 80 MILLIGRAMS,
21-DAY DETOX.
SHOW UP HERE
ONCE A WEEK
AND PISS IN A CUP.
ANY QUESTIONS ?
PISS IN A CUP. HMM.
YOU DON'T SOUND VERY OPTIMISTIC.
YOU WANT OPTIMISTIC ?
SOME PEOPLE MAKE IT.
SOME PEOPLE END UP DEAD.
GOOD LUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S UP ?
HEY, MAN.
I'M GUS.
HEY, GUS. JERRY.
HOW'S IT GOIN' ?
GET YOUR TANG ?
"TANG" ?
YEAH.
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT.
SOMETHIN', RIGHT ?
BUT IT DOES THE TRICK.
GIVE ME A SECOND.
YO, MAN.
I ONLY REALLY LIKE
DEALIN' TO MY OWN KIND.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?
THESE FUCKIN' NIGGERS
OUT HERE...
PUT A STENCH
ON THEIR MONEY.
PUT THEIR MONEY
IN YOUR POCKET...
AND YOU GOT NIGGER STENCH
ALL OVER YOUR FUCKIN' MONEY.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS,
MAN.
THIS AIN'THE USUAL STREET SHIT.
THIS IS GOURMET.
THAT'S, UH-- THAT'S--
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T, UH--
THANKS, GUS,
BUT I CAN'T--
CAN'T WHAT ?
YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TRY TO--
WHAT, MAN ?
TRY TO
SHUT THE MOTHER DOWN.
OH, COME ON.
SHUT THE MOTHER DOWN
TOMORROW.
[ Engine Starts ]
THIS SHIT WILL PUT YOU
THROUGH THE ROOF.
THANKS, MAN.
NO, I GOTTA GO.
HOLD UP, HOLD UP-- WHOA !
[ Tires Screech ]
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING ?
JESUS, I'M ONLY TRYIN'
TO, LIKE, FUCKIN'
DO YOU A SOLID HERE.
JUST RELAX,
MAN.
GIVE IT TO YOU
CHEAP, MAN.
HOW MUCH ?
[ Techno ]
[ Hissing ]
SLOW, BRO.
[ Hissing Stops ]
[ Snorts, Gasps ]
GOOD SHIT, MAN.
[ Moans ]
FUCK. [ Gasps ]
I CAN'T BREATHE.
OH, CHRIST.
KEEP BREATHING,
JERRY.
BREATHE.
CAN'T.
[ Laughing ]
[ Continues ]
OH, FUCK, MAN.
[ Wheezing ]
LOOK AT MY VIEW, MAN.
LOOK AT MY OFFICE. HMM ?
LOOK AT MY VIEW, JERRY.
FUCK ME.
[ Gasping ]
- JESUS !
WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING ?
- [ Laughs ]
COME ON, COME ON.
GET UP.
OW ! FUCK !
[ Yelling, Groaning ]
CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
- [ Continues ]
- YOU BETTER HAVE
SOME MONEY, JERRY.
CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
[ Moans ]
- CHANGE MY PITCH UP
SMACK MY BITCH UP
- [ Yelling, Groaning ]
- [ Laughs ]
- WE'RE GONNA DIE !
[ Jerry Yelling,
Hooting ]
[ Gus ]
EASY. EASY !
[ Continues ]
SMACK MY BITCH UP
WHY ? ARE YOU
GOING SOMEWHERE ?
NO, MY KID'S
GOT PONY LESSONS
IN AN HOUR.
I'M HERE, THOUGH.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT.
WRITE IT DOWN.
NO RADIO.
- HEY-- WHOA !
- YOU OKAY, JERRY ?
HI.
YEAH, I'M COOL.
CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR ?
COULD YOU PLEASE POUR ME
A GLASS OF WATER ?
SORRY I'M LATE.
SO, WHERE WE AT ?
[ Gary ]
NEXT SEASON'S NOTES.
OKAY, I REALLY LIKE
THE IDEA OF BREAKING
THE FOURTH WALL.
I JUST-- I'M CONCERNED
THAT IT'S GONNA GET OLD
BEFORE THE SEASON'S OVER.
NO, NO, NO, PAMELA--
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT GUY HATES ME, RIGHT ?
[ Sniffs ]
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN NOSFERATU
OR FRITZ LANG'S M ?
OKAY, HOW ABOUTHE PATTY DUKE SHOW ?
FIRST TIME I SAW THAT THING,
IT GAVE ME NIGHTMARES
FOR THREE NIGHTS.
THE POINT IS, REALISM...
[ Gulping ]
IS DEAD.
EXPRESSIONISM IS WHERE IT'S AT.
KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT ?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST A PRODUCOF PUBLIC EDUCATION.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL
YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.
NO--
WHAT JERRY'S TRYING TO SAY
IS HE WANTS TO EXPRESS
THE EMOTIONS EXTERNALLY,
LIKE IN THE SET,
IN THE MUSIC--
MUSIC. MUSIC. MUSIC.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT--
WHY CAN'T PAMELA
JUST WALK IN ONE DAY,
BELT IT OUT AND SING IT ?
FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
WE'RE TALKING, IT'S YOU
AND BURT, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN,
SHE STARTS SINGING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT.
SHE'S DOING AN ETHEL MERMAN--
I LOVE A PARADE
OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT.
A SWIMMING POOL OPENS UP
BELOW EVERYBODY, AND THEN
WE GO RIGHT BACK INTO THE SCENE.
YOU NEVER EVEN MAKE
ANY MENTION OF IT.
IT'S ALL UNSAID.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT IS ?
THAT'S HOT !
[ Kitty ]
SO NOBODY COULD TELL
YOU WERE FUCKED UP ?
[ Jerry ]
OH, NO. I WAS FIRED
IMMEDIATELY.
- AND A BEAR CLAW.
- NO, NO, NO.
WE TOOK THE KIDS TO DENNY'S
LAST NIGHT. MY STOMACH
STILL FEELS LIKE SHIT.
WAS IT SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY ?
[ Jerry ] OF COURSE,
I DIDN'T TELL SANDRA.
- YOU GO THERE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,
THEY GIVE YOU A FREE MEAL.
- JESUS, JERRY.
[ Jerry ]
BUT I WASN'T WORRIED.
I STILL TOOK A LOT OF MEETINGS.
UNFORTUNATELY,
THEY WERE ALL WITH GUS.
EXCUSE ME.
DID I SUMMON YOU ?
DID I ASK YOU
TO COME OVER HERE ?
CHRIST.
SHE'S JUSDOING HER JOB.
THIS IS WHERE I DO BUSINESS.
WELL, SHE'S DOING HER BUSINESS
'CAUSE SHE'S, YOU KNOW,
A WAITRESS.
- WHY DON'T YOU
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS ?
- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ?
NAH, NAH, NAH-NAH-NAH
LOOK WHAT I GOT YOU.
- WHAT'S THAT ?
- DILAUDID.
I DON'T WANT IT.
PUT IT AWAY !
WHAT IF YOU HAD
A COVER ON YOU ?
YOU JUST PUT IT ON THE TABLE.
I PUT IBEHIND THE SUGAR.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN AFFORD IT.
YOU'RE WRITING
FOR THAT MARTIAN.
YOU'RE DOING FINE.
HE WASN'T FROM MARS.
HE'S--
AHH !
TAKE MY MIND OFF HIM.
[ Moaning, Kissing ]
- WHO LOVES YOU, JERRY ?
- YOU DO, GUS.
NO, I CAN'T STAND YOU.
TELLY SAVALAS.
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]
GET IT ?
WHO LOVES YOU, BABY ?
[ Faint ]
BIRD ON A WIRE
DON'T MAKE A SOUND
[ Continues ]
YOU KNOW WE HAVE
WAY TOO MUCH IN COMMON.
THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK.
TRUST ME,
I'M BETTER IN A MOTEL
THAN IN A MARRIAGE.
- HEY.
- HI.
YOU SICK ?
NO !
WHY AREN'T YOU AT WORK ?
DID YOU GET FIRED
FOR BEING TOO ERRATIC ?
YOU SEEM HAPPY.
YES, I DO HAVE
A LITTLE JAUNT IN MY STEP,
DON'T I ?
ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN PROMOTED.
I'VE BEEN MADE V.P.,
CREATIVE AFFAIRS.
WOW ! VICE PRESIDENOF CREATIVE AFFAIRS.
THAT'S GREAT.
ARE YOU
IN CHARGE OF ADULTERY
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT ?
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU.
- WE SHOULD GO CELEBRATE.
- NO, I MEANT THANK YOU.
FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE.
I KNOW IT HASN'T BEEN EASY.
OH.
YEAH, WELL--
I'M PREGNANT.
WHAT ?
I'M PREGNANT.
I WENT TO CEDARS YESTERDAY
AND THEY CONFIRMED IT.
JERRY ?
SHE CRIES YOUR NAME
GET OUT !
YOU FUCKING--
[ Continues ]
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BE HERE !
AAAH !
YOU FREAK !
JESUS CHRIST !
SHE CRIES YOUR NAME
OUT !
I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU
EVER AGAIN !
HOW LONG
CAN HIS HEALTH REMAIN
YOU HAVE A BABY ?
NINA.
THAT'S A PRETTY NAME.
MMM.
DID YOU EVER SEE HER ?
NO. I GOT IT TOGETHER
TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN
SHE WAS BEING BORN, BUT...
[ Groaning ]
WHY SHE WANTED ME THERE
I'LL NEVER KNOW.
I'D BEEN PRETTY MUCH
IN TOXIC EXILE
THE WHOLE NINE MONTHS.
SANDRA ?
[ Groaning Continues ]
I TOLD YOU
NOT TO START THIS
WITHOUT ME, DIDN'T I ?
[ Woman On P.A.]
DR. MARTINEZ,
REPORT TO OBSTETRICS.
[ Knock On Door ]
[ Toilet Flushes ]
ALL RIGHT !
HOLD ON !
HOW'S SHE DOING ?
[ Nurse ]
SHE'S ONE MINUTE APART.
- [ Knocking Continues ]
- OHH !
I CAN FEEL
THE BABY'S HEAD.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY ?
[ Woman On P.A. ]
MARK, COME TO O.R. FOUR.
PUT THIS ON, PLEASE.
THIS IS, UH--
THIS IS SHORT-SLEEVE,
THOUGH.
IT'S REGULATION.
C-C-CAN I--
CAN I JUST WEAR MY SHIRT ?
THIS IS VERY CLEAN.
HEY, IT'S YOUR BABY COMIN'.
IF I WAS YOU, I'D HURRY.
[ Whispers ]
OH, FUCK.
HELLO, BEAUTY.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Jerry ]
HEY !
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU HAVE A BABY GIRL.
OH, GOD, I MISSED IT.
OH, BABY.
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
HEY, ARE YOU OKAY ?
HMM ? ALL RIGHT.
OH, I MISSED IT.
I'M SORRY.
COULD I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU ?
HMM ?
ONE SECOND.
EXCUSE US.
THE BABY ALL RIGHT ?
THE BABY'S FINE.
[ Woman On P.A. ]
DR. MITCHELL TO O.R. FOUR.
[ Kitty ]
WHAT TIME'S YOUR BUS ?
IT LEAVES IN AN HOUR.
SO, WHAT DO YOU HAVE
BACK IN L.A. ?
NOTHING.
JUST MY KID.
DO YOU HAVE
A PLACE TO STAY ?
YEAH, THIS CHRISTIAN ROCKER
FROM REHAB NAMED BUDDY,
HE'S GOT A STUDIO
HE SAID I COULD
CRASH AT.
YOU SURE
YOU WANNA GO BACK ?
UH-UH.
BUT, UH,
YOU KNOW, I FIGURE...
FOR NINA I SHOULD--
I WANNA BE
A PART OF THAT.
CAN YOU ?
IT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
YOU WANNA COME WITH ME
AND FIND OUT ?
OKAY.
- YOU WANNA GET BACK IN BED ?
- JESUS, WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU ?
WHATEVER YOUR PARENTS
DID TO YOU,
THEY SURE GAVE YOU
A PAIR OF CAST-IRON BALLS,
I'LL GIVE 'EM THAT MUCH.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST CHECKIN'.
LAST CHANCE FOR
THE OLD KOSHER JOYRIDE.
[ Giggles ]
WELL, CAN I CALL YOU ?
SURE. CALL ME.
WHY NOT ?
I'M PRETTY SURE THAI FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING
TO SAY TO SOMEBODY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
I WANT A FREE RIDE
JUST TO SEE
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
BUT EVEN IF IT FEELS RIGHT
I'M NO FOOL
IN THE HOSPITAL
WHERE STRETCHES
OUR ARMS AND HANDS
I NEEDED SOMEONE
WHO COULD UNDERSTAND
ALTHOUGH THESE THINGS
THEY ARE NEVER PLANNED
I WANT A FREE
SOMETHIN' FOR FREE
[ Kitty ]
YOU HAVE A BABY ?
[ Jerry ]
NINA.
-[ Kitty ] YOU TOOK CARE OF HER
EVEN WHEN YOU WERE STRUNG OUT ?
-AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, YEAH.
TILL ONE NIGHT SHE CALLED
WHILE I WAS JONESING
LIKE A LAB RAT.
[ Sandra ]
JERRY, I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.
[ Kitty ] AND ?
[ Jerry ]
SOME STORIES YOU CAN TELL.
SOME YOU SPEND
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TRYING
TO PRETEND THEY NEVER HAPPENED.
[ Sandra ]
THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO ONE
TO TAKE CARE OF NINA.
[ Jerry ]
COULD YOU TAKE HER WITH YOU ?
[ Sandra ] NO, I CAN'T.
I'M MEETING WITH THE NETWORK
ALL DAY.
VOLA'S WORKING,
MY SISTER'S OUT OF TOWN,
THE FUCKING SITTER HAS THE FLU--
[ Jerry ]
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE HER.
[ Sandra ] ARE YOU SURE ?
I MEAN, YOU'RE NOGETTING HIGH, ARE YOU ?
YOU'RE OKAY ?
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Jerry ] YEAH, I'M FINE.
I'M ABSOLUTELY FINE.
[ Sandra Sighs ]
YOU'D BETTER BE.
MY PLANE LANDS AT 11:00.
I'LL BE WITH YOU AROUND 12:00.
12:00. OKAY.
YOU GOANY QUESTIONS ?
MM-MMM.
- YOU'VE GOT THOSE INSTRUCTIONS
I GAVE YOU ?
- YEAH, I GOT 'EM RIGHT HERE.
JERRY, YOU CAN'T FUCK THIS UP.
I'M REALLY DEPENDING ON YOU.
RIGHT. THAT'LL--
RIGHT. OKAY.
- IF ANYTHING HAPPENS AT ALL,
YOU CALL ME AT THE HOTEL.
- YEAH.
BE CAREFUL.
[ Door Shuts ]
OKAY.
[ Techno, Faint ]
WHERE THE FUCK
YOU BEEN ?
YOUR DIRECTIONS
SUCKED.
[ Sighs ]
YOU GOT A BABY ?
LET ME SEE.
SHH, SHH, SHH ! GUS !
LET ME SEE THE BABY !
SHE'S ASLEEP.
OKAY ?
I'M NOT GONNA WAKE HER UP.
[ Continues ]
WHAT IS THIS, A CLUB ?
NO, IT'S MY FRIEND'S
PLACE.
I'M NOT GONNA BRING
THE BABY IN THERE.
OF COURSE YOU CAN'T.
GIVE ME THE MONEY.
IT'S ALL SET UP.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT ?
I'LL BE BACK IN A FLASH.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I DON-- NO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"NO, NO, NO, NO" ?
I'M NOT--
YOU KNOW WHAT ?
FUCK YOU, THEN.
YOU DON'T TRUST ME NOW ?
I--
OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT ? OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT ? HERE.
THANK YOU.
JESUS CHRIST.
HOLY SHIT !
[ Laughing ]
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
I'M OUT. I'M WIPED OUT.
[ Sniffs ]
RELAX.
LET THE KID SUCK
ON YOUR NIPPLE, HUH ?
[ Continues ]
[ Nina Coughs ]
[ Cooing ]
[ Continues ]
NOW IS THE TIME
NOW IS THE TIME
[ Continues ]
GUS !
GUS !
SHIT !
I-IS THIS STEVO ?
THIS IS-- HI, I'M--
I'M A FRIEND OF GUS'S.
HE TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU A CALL.
I'M ACTUALLY TRYIN' TO GEIN TOUCH WITH HIM. HE SAID
YOU MIGHT KNOW WHERE HE'S AT.
I'M A FRIEND OF GUS'S.
HE S-- HE S--
NO, IT'S NOT BULLSHIT.
I'M A FRIEND OF HIS.
UH, HE JUST SAID
IF I WAS LOOKIN' FOR HIM,
YOU'D KNOW WHERE HE WAS AT.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
GET TOGETHER RIGHT NOW.
NO, I'M NOA FUCKIN' COP !
ASSHOLE.
FUCK YOU !
AAAAH !
GOD--
WHERE THE FUCK
IS THAT NUMBER ?
YES ! YES !
I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
A COLLECT CALL FOR STEVO...
FROM GUS.
[ Fussing ]
[ Knocking ]
HEY.
OH !
JESUS CHRIST, JERRY,
GET OUT OF HERE.
NO, NO, NO.
DON'T. DON'T.
NO, NO.
YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
I, UM--
I GOT YOU A MUFFIN.
OH, NO, JERRY.
YOU CANNOT COME IN HERE.
OKAY ?
YOU CANNOT DIE HERE,
MAN !
IF I COULD HAVE SOMETHIN'.
COME ON, PLEASE.
LIKE A M-- YOU KNOW,
COTTON SOMETHING HERE.
A MUFFIN--
i AY, PENDEJO !
I KNOW YOU LIKE
DOUBLE CHOCOLATE.
AAAH !
OH, NO, NO.
LOOK--
WHAT ?
THIS IS IT. OKAY ?
THIS IS IT !
NOW, DON'T COME BACK HERE
NO MORE, OKAY ?
BECAUSE I GOT A WARRANON MY ASS !
[ Whispers ]
OW.
SO TUNE IN EVERY
THURSDAY MORNING AT 4:00 A.M.
TO "STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS."
RIGHT HERE ON YOUR PERSONAL
ACHIEVEMENT RADIO STATION KYPA.
[ Jerry Hawking ]
[ Man On Radio ]
ENERGY !
[ Electronic Beeping ]
ENERGY IS THE SOURCE.
NOTHING HAPPENS
WITHOUT ENERGY.
THE MORE YOU HAVE, THE MORE
OF YOUR PERSONAL POTENTIAL
YOU'RE GONNA TAP INTO.
ENERGY IS LIKE THE GAS THADRIVES THE CAR OF SUCCESS.
[ Nina Fussing ]
YOU DON'T WANNA RUN OUOF EMOTIONAL GAS WHEN YOU'RE
CLIMBING THE HILL OF SUCCESS.
OTHERWISE,
YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF
COASTING BACK DOWNHILL.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.
HOW MANY OF YOU
CAN REMEMBER A DAY...
WHEN YOU WOKE UP
FEELING REALLY TIRED
AND LETHARGIC ?
[ Radio Audience Laughing ]
FOR SOME OF YOU,
IT WAS RECENT.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP FEELING
REALLY TIRED AND LETHARGIC,
DO YOU USUALLY JUMP UP AND GO,
"I CAN'T WAIT TO GO OUAND CHANGE THE WORLD,
CHANGE EVERYTHING THAT'S
HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD
SO IT'S BETTER" ?
IS THAT USUALLY WHAT YOU DO
WHEN YOU WAKE UP
FEELING LETHARGIC ?
NOT USUALLY
THE FIRST THOUGHT, IS IT ?
FIRST THOUGHT'S
"WHERE'S THE COFFEE ?"
[ Sniffing, Huffing ]
THE NEXT ONE IS, "OH, GOD,
NOT ANOTHER MONDAY."
WHEN I CAME TO NEW YORK,
I GOT AN EDUCATION.
I STARTED COMING HERE
ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO,
AND MY THIRD TRIP IN...
I CAME ON A WEDNESDAY,
YOU KNOW, MIDWEEK.
I'M SITTIN' IN THE CAR,
AND I TURN ON THE STEREO.
I'M ENJOYING THE MUSIC,
AND AFTER THE SONG IS OVER...
THE DEEJAY GOES, "ALL RIGHT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN !
WE MADE IT !
IT'S HUMP DAY !"
[ Gasping ]
[ Radio Audience
Laughing ]
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT "HUMP DAY" IS ?
[ Woman ] NO.
WEDNESDAY.
YEAH.
SOME PEOPLE
LOOK AT WEDNESDAY
AS "HUMP DAY,"
[ Nina Crying ]
WHICH MEANS YOU'RE MORE THAN
HALF THE WAY TO THE WEEKEND.
CAN YOU IMAGINE
THAT LARGE NUMBERS
OF PEOPLE...
SPEND FIVE DAYS OUT OF
EVERY SEVEN LOOKING FORWARD
TO ONLY TWO OF THEM ?
[ Radio Audience
Laughing ]
[ Crying Continues ]
SOME PEOPLE LIVE FOR TWO
DAYS OUT OF EVERY SEVEN.
OKAY. OKAY.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING SUCH
A DISGUSTING LIFE THAT YOU LOOK
FORWARD TO TWO OUT OF SEVEN ?
SEE, THE BOTTOM LINE IS,
MY MONDAYS ARE BETTER THAN
MOST PEOPLE'S CHRISTMASES...
'CAUSE I'VE LEARNED HOW
TO COMMUNICATE TO MYSELF
IN A WAY WHERE I CAN FIND--
[ Siren Blaring,
Intermittent ]
[ Radio Continues Faint,
Stops ]
[ Engine Stops ]
I'M SO--
[ Muttering ]
CHRIST.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU CHANGED THE BABY ?
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS,
OFFICER, WITH KIDS.
I WAS JUSON MY WAY RIGHT NOW
TO GET A DIAPER.
CAN I SEE SOME LICENSE
AND REGISTRATION ?
[ Grunts ]
KEEP IT DOWN.
[ Sniffs ]
WAKE THE KID.
GET OUT OF THE CAR,
DUMB SHIT.
COME ON.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
SOCIAL SERVICES A CALL.
WE GOT A BABY TO PICK UP.
STEP TO THE FRONOF THE VEHICLE.
[ Handcuffs Tightening ]
COME ON.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
WHEN YOU VISIT THE SUPERMARKET,
DO YOU PURCHASE
CANNED DAIRY PRODUCTS...
EVERY VISIT,
EVERY OTHER VISIOR ONCE IN A WHILE ?
UH, GOOD EVENING, SIR.
I'M CALLING FAMILIES LIKE YOURS
TO ASK A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS
ABOUT YOUR SHOPPING PREFERENCES.
DO YOU VISIT THE SUPERMARKEMORE THAN ONCE A WEEK, OR LESS ?
I'M GLAD
YOU'RE DOING GOOD.
SANDRA DOESN'T LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT YOU,
BUT, UH,
I KNOW YOU HAD
A BAD RIDE.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S, UH,
THAT'S THE BESI'VE HEARD IT PUT.
[ Chuckles ]
AS LONG AS IT'S COOL
WITH SANDRA, YOU CAN
SEE NINA ANY TIME YOU WANT.
I HAVE A KID UP IN MARIN.
I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
THANKS.
HEY !
HERE THEY ARE.
PETER, CAN YOU GET A WIPE ?
SHE'S GOT SOME INK
OR SOMETHING ON HER FACE.
YEAH, SURE.
THANKS.
HEY.
GIVE ME A MINUTE, OKAY ?
- LET ME GET HER CLEANED UP.
SHE'S A BIT OF A MESS.
- SHE'S NOT A MESS.
- SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
- WELL, SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL MESS.
SHE'S GETTING INTO
EVERYTHING AT THE MOMENT.
CAN I HOLD HER ?
YEAH, SURE.
GO SEE JERRY.
GOOD GIRL. GOOD GIRL.
HEY, SWEETIE.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
HEY.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
HOW ARE YOU ?
MARVELOUS.
WHAT ABOUT YOU ?
I FEEL LIKE AN ALIEN.
NEVER SEEN L.A. STRAIGHBEFORE.
HEY, SHE LIKES YOU.
SHE DOESN'T GO TO ANYBODY.
LOOK AT THAT, SANDRA.
YEAH, SWEET.
YOU KNOW, JERRY,
I'VE GOT TO GO.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
GOOD GIRL.
CAN I SEE HER TOMORROW ?
WELL, WE'RE PLANNING TO HAVE
THIS BRUNCH HERE TOMORROW.
IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY HECTIC.
ALL RIGHT,
WELL, HOW ABOUT MONDAY ?
DAYTIME'S BAD.
UM, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE
IN THE EVENING.
I WAS KINDA HOPING WE COULD
MAKE THIS A REGULAR THING.
DON'T MAKE IT DIFFICULT,
JERRY.
YOU'RE ON A THIN STRING
ALREADY.
OKAY. FINE.
BYE, SWEETIE.
[ Typing ]
[ Knock On Door ]
BUDDY ?
HELLO ?
HI.
COULD YOU WRITE ME
A LOVE LETTER OR SOMETHIN' ?
MY GOD.
CAN I COME IN ?
YEAH.
WOW.
YES, UM--
HOW DID YOU FIND ME ?
OH, IT WAS VERY COMPLICATED.
I CALLED VOLA,
AND SHE GAVE ME YOUR ADDRESS.
[ Moaning ]
I MISSED YOU.
NO. [ Chuckles ]
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO SPEND
ALL MY TIME IN BED WITH YOU.
- HEY.
- HEY.
I READ THE ARTICLE
YOU WROTE.
[ Chuckles ]
OH.
[ Clears Throat ]
AND, UH, WHAT DID YOU THINK ?
IT WAS GOOD.
SOUNDED LIKE YOU.
PROVED YOU WERE REAL.
IS THAT SOMETHING
THAT YOU NEEDED ?
I GUESS SO, YEAH.
YOU HAVE SUGAR ?
YEAH.
[ Clears Throat ]
THANKS.
SO, UH,
WHEN DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING BACK ?
ACTUALLY, I'M NOT, UH--
I'M NOT GOING BACK.
I'M MOVING TO ANCHORAGE.
MY, UH, MY BROTHER
OWNS A HATCHERY UP THERE.
HE'S GONNA OPEN UP
A BREW PUB AND HE ASKED ME
TO RUN IT FOR HIM.
WOW. WOW.
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
[ Slurps ]
A BREW PUB, HUH ?
CAN YOU IMAGINE ME
BEHIND THE BAR WITH A BUNCH
OF DRUNKEN FISHERMEN ?
GOSH, YEAH,
WITH, LIKE, PIGTAILS
AND A PARKA ON.
YEAH.
FROZEN BAIT.
THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S--
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ALASKA.
THAT'S... INTERESTING.
[ Sniffs ]
MMM.
[ Chuckles ]
IT'S SO FUNNY.
I, UM--
WHAT ?
NO, I JUST--
I THINK ABOUT YOU
ALL THE TIME.
LIKE WHEN I'M PLAYING
WITH NINA AND, UH,
I JUST KINDA WONDER
WHAT--
WHAT YOU'D THINK OF HER.
UH, WHEN I'M ON THE BUS
AND LOOK OUT THE WINDOW,
I KINDA...
WONDER WHAYOU WOULD LOOK AT.
WE GOT UNDER
EACH OTHER'S SKIN, HUH ?
[ Sniffles ]
FUCK.
[ Sighs ]
I'VE BEEN HURT A LOT.
YOU KNOW ?
I'VE MADE A LOOF REALLY DUMB MISTAKES.
[ Sniffles ]
THE JURY STAYS OUA LONG TIME THESE DAYS.
[ Sniffles ]
OKAY.
OKAY.
OHH.
[ Kitty ]
JERRY.
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER
OF OUR FAMOUS GOOD-BYES,
SO I DIDN'T TELL YOU THAMY FLIGHT WAS THIS MORNING.
I'M NOT MUCH GOOD
AT THESE THINGS,
SO I'LL JUST STOP.
[ Chuckles ]
WELL, I CAN GO ON
A LITTLE MORE, I GUESS.
I WILL MISS YOU.
AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW
YOU'LL NEVER SHOW UP
IN ANCHORAGE,
I'LL ENTERTAIN THE NOTION
NOW AND THEN.
SEE YOU LATER.
[ Tom Snyder ]
DURING THE 1980s,
JERRY STAHL
WAS A SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION
WRITER MAKING $5,000 A WEEK.
AT THE SAME TIME,
HE ALSO HAD A $6,000-A-WEEK
HEROIN AND COCAINE HABIT.
HIS DARK AND FUNNY BOOK
IS CALLED PERMANENT MIDNIGHT.
IT'S A RAW ACCOUNT OF THE DEPTHS
OF HIS HABIT AND HOW HE WAS ABLE
TO CLAW HIS WAY OUT.
WHEN YOU GOT TO HOLLYWOOD
AND YOU'RE WORKING ON
THESE SERIES I MENTIONED--
WHAT KIND OF DOUBLE LIFE
MUST YOU HAVE LED ?
BECAUSE YOU HAD TO,
AT SOME LEVEL,
PERFORM AS A WRITER.
THE BEAUTY OF HOLLYWOOD IS,
EVERYBODY IS SO SELF-OBSESSED...
THEY DON'T NOTICE
WHAT ANYBODY ELSE IS DOING.
THEY'D COME IN IN THE MORNING
WITH CAPPUCCINOS AND CROISSANTS,
AND I'D COME BOUNCING IN
WITH MY HEROIN AND SYRINGES...
AND, UH, PRETTY MUCH
LOCK MYSELF IN THE OFFICE...
AND GET REALLY PLEASANFOR ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF.
LET'S PEEL AWAY
A FEW MORE LAYERS
WITH JERRY.
TELL US THE STORY ABOUTHE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD.
[ Jerry ] PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK,
WHAT'S THE WORST THING
HEROIN DROVE YOU TO DO ?
I ALWAYS ANSWER,
SHOWING UP ON MAURY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO
WHEN YOU'RE A JUNKIE:
YOUR JOB IS TO SHOOT JUNK.
I'M SURE DAMIAN
WILL CONCUR WITH ME ON THIS.
I AGREE WITH JERRY
THAT THE DAMAGE IS...
[ Stuttering ]
IRRE-- REPARABLE.
[ Jerry ]
THAT'S THE TROUBLE
WITH SURVIVING.
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
ROLLING INTO A P.T.A. POTLUCK
OR PAYING THE GAS BILL...
CAN BE MORE TERRIFYING
THAN THE WORST 3:00 A.M.
NARCOTIC HELL.
YEP. WOW.
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW ?
WOW.
I GOT OUT WITH A BAD LIVER
AND ENOUGH DEBT TO KEEP ME
IN HOCK TILL I'M 90,
IF I'M STILL HERE.
JERRY STAHL, JUNKIE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
AND WITH MY LUCK,
I WILL BE.
IT CAN COME
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE
HIT YOU
WHEN YOU'RE SAFE AND WARM
TAKE IT EASY, MY STAR
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
YEAH, YOU GOTHOSE CRAZY BLUE EYES
YOU GOT THOSE CRAZY BLUES
ALL THOSE PRETTY SMILES
I CAN SEE THEM
LAUGHIN' AT YOU
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
OHH
I DON'T WANNA BE
YOUR PUNCHIN' BAG
YOUR COMPLACENLITTLE PRINCESS
ALL TRAGIC AND SAD
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
YEAH, YOU SAY YOU GOTHIS BAD THING
YOU SAY YOU'VE GOT IT BAD
YOU HAVE BROKEN
EVERY HEART
OF EVERY FRIEND
YOU'VE EVER HAD
YEAH
THE TIME IS GONNA COME
WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS
JUST GO AWAY
GO AWAY, GO AWAY
I WONDER WHY
YOU STICK AROUND
SOMETIMES I WISH
YOU WOULD LEAVE
YOU SAY
YOU'LL LOVE ME FOREVER
THEN YOU SPIT ON ME
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
I SWEAR
YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
OHH
I DON'T WANNA BE
YOUR WHIPPIN' BOY
YES, YOUR HAPPY
LITTLE LOSER
SOMEONE YOU CAN IGNORE
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
HURT ME ANYMORE
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
HIT ME ANYMORE
NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU
KICK ME ANYMORE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
BLUE, BLUE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
BLUE, BLUE
OVERWHELM ME ANYMORE
IT CAN COME
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE
WHOA, WHOA
I DON'T WANNA BE
YOUR SIMPLE SAVING GRACE
JUST ANOTHER LITTLE VICTIM
WITH A HAPPY FACE
OHH, OHH
SOMEDAY
SOMEDAY
SOMEDAY SOON
SOMEBODY'S GONNA COME
I HOPE THEY DO THIS
TO YOU
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
OVERWHELM ME
I WILL NOT LET YOU
HURT ME ANYMORE
OOH, I WILL NOT LET YOU
HURT ME ANYMORE
NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU
HIT ME ANYMORE
I WILL NOT LET YOU
TWIST ME ANYMORE
NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU
TURN ME INSIDE OUT
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
SO CLOSE TO YOUR LIPS
SO FULL OF REGRETS
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
I'D HIDE IN YOUR POCKETS
OR RAISE A MATCH
FOR YOU
OOOH-HOO
I WOULD ALWAYS LINGER
ON YOUR CLOTHES
AND YOUR FINGER
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
HIDE IN YOUR POCKETS
OR RAISE A MATCH
FOR YOU
OOOH-HOO
OOOH-HOO
OOOH-HOO
OOOH-HOO-HOO
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
IF I COULD BE ONE THING
I'D BE A CIGARETTE
CLOSED CAPTIONED BY
CAPTIONS, INC. LOS ANGELES