Pervert! (2005) Movie Script
1
The following movie has
been rated HORNY - 14.
Pregnant women and men who already have
an erection at this point in the film,
should leave the theater now.
Well, I'm so sick.
Yeah, I'm so twisted.
I think there's something wrong,
with my nervous system.
I'm a pervert, baby.
Arrived in town
late last night.
Not a single girl in sight.
Trying to get some chicks
during the day.
Walked all around,
scared them all away.
Whoah.
No dice, no dice,
no dice, no dice!
Met two friends,
we were ready to roll...
Hi. You going to Brocktonville?
I-I do not know.
I'm not from around here.
Uhm, heading out
to the Desert Range.
Oh... well then you're
right on my way.
Great!
- Take that, you little vixen!
- Get off of me!
- We'll teach you to behave!
- Let go of me!
You better watch
your ass, you hear?
Cause I'm gonna be
watching it, nice and close!
You can bet on that.
Then take a good long look,
cause you'll be seeing it go
right out that front gate!
- Let go of me!
- Your dirty hair may be pretty,
but that don't mean it's bulwarked
from a propitious lashing.
Aah.
Aah.
Uh.
I've handled a lot
of fruit in my time,
and there's one thing
I've never minded,
is a little bruises!
You mind?
Oh no. No, go ahead.
I don't have any matches.
Do you keep them in here?
- No please, don't open that!
- What is all this?
This is disgusting!
I'm sorry, I...
You some kind of sex
freak or something?
No! I... It's been a...
long trip and...
You're nasty.
Just pull over now!
It's supposed to be different!
He said it made me
different now!
Save it, jack-off.
I'd rather take a ride
from a fucking serial killer!
Don't surprise me one bit,
your taste for swelled fruit!
Cause you have a rotten
constitution and a quarter, max.
That's enough!
Now listen here, woman.
My son's coming
in from university,
and I don't wanna give him any idea
of what's going on around here.
What do I care about your boy
or what he thinks?
If he's anything like you,
he's a flat out good-for-nothing!
There he is now.
Get to your chores!
And remember.
One word... and I'll show you
what I'm good for!
You know something, Hezekiah?
You just may have
the cock for it,
but I seriously doubt
you've got the...
BALLS in those tires
look a little spent, son.
Might wanna take her into town
and have 'em checked out.
Good to see you, Dad.
It's been too long.
It seems to me the last time
our paths crossed was at...
Mom's funeral.
Well, there was that time
after that, when I bumped into you
in the line outside
the adult movie theater.
That was a tad awkward.
That was a little weird, but
those days are over now, pop.
I am a college man.
I have turned over a new leaf.
That's good, son.
As long as you're gonna
be here whole summer,
you'll be turning over
more than leaves.
I'm putting you to work,
starting tomorrow morning.
Now come on in the house and
I'll show you your quarters.
Oh, dad. You mentioned there's
a good body shop back in town?
Honey?
- Oh, honey?
- Speaking of bodies...
My sweet bullions
have blossomed.
Something marvelous happened
in my garden over night.
They must've shot up
over six inches.
You must be James.
James, meet uh... Cheryl.
She's not a...
substitute for your mother,
mind you, but, uh...
A woman who can satisfy me,
in ways that your mother never could.
And James...
I hope you won't see my
presence here as an intrusion.
It's gonna be a fantastic summer.
School's been a real trip. Uhm.
You know, it took a little while
to get...
used to the dorm life and, y'know,
living in a strange city, but,
New Orleans is uh,
an unbelievable place.
There's so much culture,
music,
great food.
I'm really looking
forward to going back.
And this time...
...as a freshman.
What sort of courses
are you enrolled in?
Well, next semester,
I'll be taking, uhm...
General Ecology.
Organic Chemistry II.
Evolution of the Human
Health and Disease.
Major Religions of Asia.
History, uh...
Sea Power and...
Maritime...
History.
And, uh...
Intermediate, uh...
Hebrew.
And, I'll be...
volunteering in, uh...
an intercity basketball clinic
for, uh, for troubled youth.
It sounds like quite a load.
Though perhaps you would be
bringin' a young lady along with ya.
How's the pussy
quota-ing down there?
Never really had a lot
of luck with the ladies.
But, uh...
I think all that
is about to change.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry! So sorry.
No use crying over it!
Oh, yeah!
Harder, Hezekiah, harder!
- Yes!
- Harder!
There you go! Haah-ha!
Oh, that's harder, Hezekiah!
Ugh, ugh!
Give it to me, daddy!
What's my name?
- Hezekiah.
- Yeah!
When was I born?
June 8th... 1924?
Yeah!
What's the capital of Maryland?
Baltimore, baby!
Argh! Hahaha!
Oh, yeah.
You must be thirsty.
Have some!
Thank you.
You boys are
working hard all day.
Isn't there time for a break?
How about lunch?
We have too much to do.
We haven't made much of a dent
on this fencing project.
We'll eat later.
Oh, actually.
I'm... I would love a snack.
- Is that okay, dad?
- Now, James, I told you...
Come on, Hezekiah!
You know what they say
about all work and no play?
You wouldn't want that tool
of his to get dull, would ya?
Oh, alright, but...
Be quick about it!
There's another saying
you might have heard:
"A bird in the hand
is worth two in the..."
But, my Women's Studies professor
says men can't be feminists,
cause gender itself
is socially constructed?
Wow.
Look at all this!
Your daddy has a thing
about preserves.
I think he'd pickle a platypus
if he can get his hands on one.
Do they have any of them platypus
down in New Orleans, James?
No. I believe those are
only found in Australia.
Stick out your fingers.
What?
Stick 'em out.
Right.
That's it.
Nice and slow.
Well, whaddya know...
It's a cherry.
Mm, James.
You're gonna make
some lucky girl very happy.
Now it's time to taste.
Well, do you have any bread
cause I-I'd rather not eat with...
- ...with my dirty fingers.
- No.
This is lesson number 2.
Stick out your tongue.
Come on, do it! Please?
Let me see it. Stick it out!
Come on.
Now lap it up.
Hey!
Come on.
- I have a picnic set up.
- I can't believe you did that.
So...
How long have you
and my dad been...?
Shacked up?
A few months, I suppose.
Do you love him?
You really are young,
aren't you?
It's just that...
I'm starting to have these...
feelings for you.
And I know it's wrong.
The only thing you're feeling
is that devilish twitch,
that swells around,
inside your...
Hey, watch it!
Hey, look.
A bees' nest.
Be careful.
Don't go near it!
Cheryl, don't pick it up.
It's dangerous!
Put it down.
If you though jam was sweet,
that was just the appetizer.
Cause this is the main course!
Ooh.
Come and get 'em, sugar!
Yeah.
Serves you right, son!
That's what happens when you
go messing around in a nest,
that don't belong to you!
- He looks like a basketball.
- Shut up, woman!
You're the one done let him
into this den of malice.
Now we done lost a whole
half a day's work.
At least until the swelling
goes down.
How was I supposed
to know he's allergic?
It was not her fault, Dad.
I'll be more careful next time.
Damn right, you will!
Consider yourself lucky that wasn't
a rattler under that tree.
Next time, you're gonna
find yourself dead.
Now then...
What I'd like to get
started on today,
is to build a fence across
the southern edge of the property.
Then we build a corral.
You weren't kidding
about all the hard work!
Oh, dad, by the way...
I think you might have rats.
There was one running
around in my room last night.
They are prickly little devils.
Hadn't been a problem
in the house so far.
They must've found a route
in from my studio.
I'll set a few traps
this afternoon.
Studio?
That's where I do my work.
Come on, I'll give you a tour.
Oh, it stinks!
What are you running...
a slaughterhouse?
Just the opposite, son.
In this house,
things are brought to life!
It's the female form, exposed.
- Since when are you an artist?
- Well, uh...
After your mother died,
the insurance money allowed me to...
pursue what, until that time,
had been a dream.
Is that an actual eye ball?
I used to work
exclusively in beef jerky.
Not only, does the stuff
never spoil,
...it's extraordinarily malleable.
But, what you often
sacrifice for...
pliability is... variance in
style and texture.
Does anyone else know about his?
They know!
The so-called critics
have reviewed my craft,
spewed their bile,
their petty conjectures.
Can you imagine
that one of them...
actually had the impudence
to refer to me as crazy?!
Well.
This particular sculpture,
this work of art,
I dedicate to you.
I christened her:
Ophelia.
Ophelia.
Once the corral is done,
I'll be able to raise
my own animals.
Then the only expense I'll bare
is feed and grindstones.
Do you think I could put in for one
of them national endowment grants?
I don't know what they
taught you in that school,
but when two men
engage in conversation,
it's customary to look
one another in the eye!
I didn't take any
class on manliness.
Fortunately, it wasn't offered
as part of our spring curriculum.
Well, maybe it should've been.
You could use a refresher!
Well, most kids took that course
in home school, dad.
Then again... they actually
had fathers who were present.
Bunch of deadbeats
without any jobs.
And what job did you ever have?
I mean, besides
leaching off of mom.
Don't you dare bring
your mother into this!
If she could see you now,
she'd probably... die.
...again!
You know,
that's another thing, dad.
Okay, how exactly did mom die?
You know what?
Forget it, okay.
I'm going into town
and take my car in.
Best you be back
before supper!
That road isn't safe after dark.
What up, dawg?
Uh...
Good, how's it going?
Chillin'.
Just kickin' it.
Look, uhm...
I'd like you to take a look
at my car here,
I might... need uh,
need a tire or two.
Nice ride.
How about a rimjob?
Excuse me?
On the tires.
Could use a little
bling-bling on the thing-thing.
What'd you think I meant?
Look, can you just,
like, uh...
check it out,
inspect it and just,
you know, I'll be back
for an estimate?
No, no. I ain't gon' be
able to get to this today.
Hey, dad?
Oh, dad.
Oh, dada?
Well, you've got
no other car here.
If I come back in an hour...
What I tell you about botherin'
me when I'm with a client?
Now get back to work!
Now, like I was sayin',
I ain't gon' be gettin'
to this today,
ya'll are gonna have
to leave it overnight.
Let me know if you
need a place to crash.
W-what?
Let me know if you filled
the tank up with gas.
You ain't from around here,
are you?
No. I-I'm visiting my father.
You old Hezekiah's boy?
Staying up at the ranch?
Yeah, that's his place.
He a loony motherfucker.
He got that fine bootylicious
biatch livin' up there with him.
You ever seen 'em
do anything kinda...
...strange?
- No.
- Well...
You know what they say about
people on Desert Range,
who stay out here too long?
That's how we got our nickname.
What name is that?
DE-RANGE.
Somethin' about this part
of the desert, I reckon,
people be gettin'
weird up in here.
Here, give me the keys.
Fresh meat.
Need a ride, sailor?
Good timing.
You just happened to be
in the neighbourhood?
I was getting my nails done.
At the nudist colony?
- Get in!
- Move over.
What's with you?
Looks like you've seen a ghost.
I was nearly made lunch
for a rattlesnake back there.
Snakes don't eat, little baby.
You're way too big!
You sure know
a lot about snakes.
That's what happens when
you grow up in West Texas.
- Is that where you met my dad?
- No, we met in Reno.
I was there dancing,
trying to make a living,
...and he was doing
god know what.
So, you're a stripper?
Don't say it like you're so
above it, college boy.
In the real world we do
what we have to do to survive.
You try living in a trailer park with
nothing but dust mites and Lithuanians,
and you'd sell your soul
just to get out.
Look, I-I didn't come
out here to, so much to,
to get involved in some...
crazy family drama, okay?
I came out here to learn
how to become a man.
One man, coming up!
W-what are you...
what are you doing?
I can't see anything.
What the hell?
What the hell has
gotten into her?
Slow down.
Slow down, slow...
Slow down!
Okay, whoah.
Slow down. Stay!
Slow down! Stop this!
No!
God dammit, Cheryl,
are you tryin' to kill me?!
If the good Lord
intended women to drive,
he'd have equipped them with
common sense instead of tits!
Jesus, woman.
Get on home then.
What the hell are you wondering
around out here for?
Hunting squirrels for one
of your stupid statues?
Coyotes.
Native American lore
refers to them as 'trickster'.
One, who alternately
scandalizes,
disgusts, amuses, disrupts,
chastises and humiliates -
the animal-like Provo people
of pre-history.
For me, ain't nothing
but a lazy minty mutt.
Not even fit to be
ate by a Chinaman.
There he is now.
Stop the car!
Put that thing away!
Yeah, must've scared 'em off.
That's alright,
he won't get far.
I thought I had some traps
back in here someplace.
Damn it.
[Bollywood love music]
Heathens!
You dare make a cuckold of me?
My own flesh and blood!
The Lord will wreak
havoc on your souls.
He will pasteurize your blood,
illutriate your kidneys,
distil your intestines,
until free from all material
impressions and noxious matter.
Behold!
Don't you answer me back!
- I didn't...
- Now, you listen to me!
- You're wrong.
- You!
- I don't wanna hear that from you!
- No, I didn't do anything!
- You're a senile fool.
- Take your ass!
You're a hobo who
doesn't have anything.
You're not gonna
get away with this!
No, you're wrong!
You're a serial--
Roll over here!
Oh, God, hear me!
- Watch this, bitch!
- Criminal bastard!
You die! Now!
I saw ya!
I know what I saw!
You can't do this to me!
Go back to bed, son!
Haven't you done
enough for one day?
Hello, Dad, uhm...
What are you doing?
Oh, it's for a new sculpture
I'm working on.
I finally nailed that old coyote.
Look, dad, uhm...
I'm really sorry about what
happened with me and Cheryl.
I'm not trying to make
an excuse or anything, but...
I-I couldn't control myself.
I don't know how to explain it.
It's not your fault, James.
It's the devil at work,
that's who done this.
Where is she anyway?
Oh, Cheryl? She left.
Packed up her stuff in the middle
of the night and... took off.
Don't worry, son.
Cheryl won't be coming back.
I wanna see another dozen post soles,
time I get back from town, son!
- Now to it!
- Alright, dad.
You're wrong!
You're a serial--
Over here! Oh God, hear me!
Watch this, bitch!
Criminal bastard!
Open your eyes!
Mush!
Go ahead and die!
I know what I saw!
You can't do this to me!
Who's this little faggot?
The butler?
This is my son, James.
He's helping out on the ranch
for the summer.
Oh.
She's the maid?
Where's your uniform, sweetheart?
Alicia!
Don't sweat it!
With muscles like that you're
too light for heavy lifting anyhow.
I hold my own.
I'm sure you do.
Ain't nobody else
gonna hold it for you.
Testicles.
Three and a half pounds.
Check.
- Liver. 18 pounds.
- Check.
Chicken drumsticks...
What could you possibly
use these for?
Football game on Sunday.
There should be some, uh,
blue cheese in there someplace.
Lamb shanks. 11 pounds.
Uh, how many pieces of that?
Whatever.
- 24.
- God damn it!
This is the last time they
come up light on their load.
How many times
I gotta tell those idiots?
I like my mutton
like I like my women...
with a little meat
on their bones!
What we need is some
livestock in that corral.
Two of everything.
And I can tell you... they're gonna
be some mighty healthy specimens.
Dad, look. Do you want me to take
this box down to the studio for you?
No, no!
I'll take care of that.
- You sure?
- Why don't you just take a break?
You're actually telling me
to take a break?
Well, you've been working hard.
You deserve it.
Find a nice shady spot
and relax a while.
Oh, one other thing.
Don't go into the studio!
I'm preparing a new exhibit
and I want it to be a surprise.
So don't bother me in there!
You understand?
Yeah.
- Oh, you've got such a beautiful ass!
- Hezekiah, give it to me!
Yeah, baby!
Oh, yes. Oh, good God!
Oh, yeah! Come on.
You know how I like it, yeah!
Yes! Yes!
Oh, shit.
Roll over!
I gotta get some sleep.
Hola, chica!
Que pasa?
You scared me.
Looking for daddy's wallet?
Or isn't that weekly allowance
enough to get you by?
I'm not stealing anything, okay?
It's a key!
Now go back to sleep!
I can't :(
I'm too restless!
What does the key open, anyways?
Tell me.
It can be our secret.
Now just go back to bed!
Come on, James.
I'm like an egg.
Hard on the outside...
but if you prick my yolk
in just the right spot,
I'll gush all over you.
Look, alright.
I'll tell you what...
You meet me in the kitchen,
in...
5 minutes.
And you and I...
will have ourselves an omelet.
Is that you, James?
Ooh.
Mmm.
Yes, James!
Cheryl?
Cheryl?!
Yeah.
You're so deep, James!
Oww! It hurts!
Who did this to you?
Cheryl, listen to me!
Cheryl!
Cheryl, say something to me!
Who did this?
Why, son?
Why?
I was just about to
ask you the same thing!
Except for the son part.
She was a beautiful person.
A good soul.
And there's another one,
lying face down,
on your studio floor,
covered in gore!
Now, how do you explain that?
Cheryl?
We've gotta get
rid of these bodies!
Are you fucking kidding me?
We're calling the authorities now!
No, no! No police!
It's not necessary.
Dad! We're not gonna
get away with this, okay!
These girls - they had families!
Right? Someone's going to start
coming looking for them!
Son, you don't understand.
These girls were nothing but whores.
Nothing but two bit whores,
without a friend in the world!
Nobody knew they were alive,
much less dead!
You mean you were
paying them to be with you?
That's the way it works.
They supplied me with a service,
and were well compensated for it.
Very well compensated!
Right.
More of mom's hard earned
cash put to good use!
To satisfy your sick desires!
Okey, go out to the studio
and get the shovels.
Hurry!
I don't wanna see you
go to jail, son.
This is a family problem -
we can deal with it.
I promise you, we can
get through this together.
I'm not going to jail, dad,
because I didn't do this!
- I didn't do it either!
- Why are you lying?
I speak the truth!
You're the one who's lying.
You know, I-I think
you actually believe that.
I mean, what kind of psycho kills
two women and then he's in such denial,
...that they don't
even remember it?
Like psycho, like son -
I suppose.
Okay, let's just get them
in the ground.
No coffins?
Well, worms need to eat too.
Wait a minute.
I'd like to pay
my last respects.
Dad, you...
- You got a...
- Where?
I sure could think more clearly
if I had the company
of a sympathetic female.
Maybe I'll go into town tonight.
No way, dad! Okay?
That's how we got ourselves
into this mess in the first place.
No more hookers for you!
Now I gotta get into town, today,
to the body shop, alright?
Now just do me a favor,
and stay put! Okay?
Can I help you?
- Yes. Proctorville Nursing Home?
- Who is it?
Yeah, I've got to get my father
over there, immediately!
Certainly, if you come
in business hours.
Yes! He's really sick.
Writing down your home addre--
Dad! Get off the phone!
Hang it up!
- Hello? Are you there?
- Yeah, nobody's there on one.
Okay, so, can I just...
bring him by and drop him off?
Does he suffer from
any serious illness?
No, no, his health is fine.
Look... I think he's
murdering young whores.
Dad!
I'm still on!
Hang up the phone!
- Yes, Chuck!
- Hello?
- Sorry!
- Tell me everything again.
- Look...
- We'll make an appointment.
- No, I'm leaving town.
- When?
Soon... like, today!
I'll send someone out
to evaluate him.
An evaluation?
Now, start from the beginning!
Oh, come one! You were just
supposed to change the tires!
I need to get out of this place!
Well, homie...
You ain't gon' get very far
after what I found
goin' on
under this here hood.
Where you headed to, anyway?
- Back east to the city?
- Anywhere but here.
You were totally
right about this place.
That! See what
I'm talking about?
Now, is there anything really
wrong with this car? I mean...
If this is some backwoods rip-off scheme,
I'd rather just give you the money now,
so we get this
whole thing over with!
Be chill.
Take a look.
The problem is
with your fuel pump.
It's mounted to the engine,
and it uses the motion of
the engine to pump...
...the fuel.
But it ain't. Now, if I...
inject the fuel closer,
It'll burn better when
ignited by a spark plug.
Without any of those...
...emissions.
Know what I'm sayin'? Here.
Come on, feel it.
Touch it if you don't believe me.
No, no.
I believe you, okay!
Just, have this done and
back to me by tomorrow. Okay?
I've never seen
such a cute little ass!
Nice car!
Does the chassis go with it?
Or is that a luxury item
not included in the sticker price?
Chassis is sold separately.
That's why I prefer
the newer models.
The car is new.
But it's been around the block
enough times to know
not to take that crap
from you or any man.
State your business, lady!
I'm your new nurse.
Wh-whoah.
What's going on out here?
Hello. I'm Patricia Veros, I've been
sent over from the Adult Care Facility.
I specifically requested that a guy
come out here and conduct the evaluation.
Do I look like a guy to you?
Nurse? But there's not
a think wrong with me!
I'm fit as a fiddle.
A Stradivarius, no less!
Well maybe your bow
just needs a little rosin?
- Care to pluck my strings?
- Dad!
Right, Hezekiah.
This won't take long.
No rush, my dear.
Wouldn't want you to
do anything half-assed!
You're in good shape
for a man of your age.
I'm like a French bread:
The longer, I'm around -
the harder I get.
Ooh, kinky!
The Lord gave me these hands,
so as not to remain idle.
Permit me to do this work!
If God made you to please a woman,
he wouldn't made you so...
So long as you're
under this roof, nurse,
there shall be no
blasphemy spoken!
Now keep your goddamn
mouth shut and fuck me dry!
Eww! Put that thing away!
Alright, get that
on my white dick!
- You sent home back those girls?
- You ho!
Alright, Hezekiah.
What did you do to those girls?
I never hurt those girls!
They'd be no use to me dead!
Besides...
What good is a man
without a hobby?
Ever tried bowling?
Have a ball.
Maybe it'll end up in the same place
as your filthy mind:
The gutter!
How about some oral interrogation?
- Now start talking!
- But I don't do oral.
What kinda taste does that
leave in your mouth?
Better than your mangled muff,
you stinkin' skanky ho!
Oh? That's it!
Two eggs, over-easy!
Patricia!
Can I see you for
a moment please?
Did you really have
to burn his balls?
We don't know for sure
if he's guilty or not.
Your dad tried to
rape me back there.
And that's reason enough
to keep him subdued.
Now, if I stick around here for
the next couple of days and...
nothing happens, then,
you'll have your answer.
So, uhm...
So what should we do
in the meantime? :)
Have you always had trouble
meeting girls, James?
Oh...
Not so much 'meeting them',
it was uh, sort of getting them...
Into bed?
I was gonna say into
a meaningful relationship, but...
Into bed would be a good start.
You know, that's really
hard to believe.
You're so easy to get along with.
Actually, I sort of developed a...
...bad reputation early on, that sort of
plagued me after school.
Well, that's okay.
That tends to happen when a child is
more advanced than his classmates.
Actually, I was
a compulsive masturbator.
All through high school,
everyone called me 'Cumquat'.
That's cute.
Yeah, I bet you think
I'm a real pervert now.
You know, I don't even know
what a pervert is anymore.
I think some of us just
hide it better than others.
For example, I'm a lesbian.
Oh.
I-I'm kind of disappointed.
I-I thought that you and I
were kinda...
...you know.
- But homosexuality is a choice.
And gays can switch
anytime they like.
Several times, if they so desire.
I'm actually considering
going straight myself.
I guess what I'm trying
to say here, is that...
A leopard can in fact
change his spots.
God knows I've done
it enough times.
Why don't we just stay up
all night, just talking?
Talking?
Okay.
You're so sweet, James.
Oh, but wait.
The gun is up on the rack.
And just in case...
In case of what?
There's no way your dad's
getting out of those shackles.
Yeah, but if my dad's
not the killer,
then that means he's still
out there somewhere.
He?
He...
...or it.
Okay. Whatever.
So. What should we talk about?
Uhm.
Let's talk about favorites!
Okay, I'll go first.
What's your favorite color?
- Red.
- Mine is blue. Uhm...
Wh-what's your favorite... sport?
- Basketball.
- Mine's baseball.
If you had to wipe
an entire race of people
off the face of the world,
which would it be?
Oh gosh, uhm...
Asian. No!
Filipino.
I got you, you fucker!
Good morning.
I guess we fell
asleep last night.
- Mm, yeah.
- Is everything okay?
No. You missed
a little action last night.
We fooled around?
Come on, I wasn't that wasted.
No, something was in here.
And it tried to attack me.
What? Like, an animal?
Maybe.
Well. What did it look like?
You know, I never
really got a good look.
It was probably about... yay-big.
Good morning, dad.
How you holding up?
Like a Greek tragedy!
An inculpable king held captive
by his own treacherous progeny.
Look, I'm really sorry about
keeping you locked up like this.
We'll let you go soon.
I heard shots last night.
What's all the fuss about?
Patty was chasing
something out there.
She said whatever it was,
got into the house.
We think it might be a coyote.
The Trickster.
Don't be fooled by him, son.
He may have your heart,
but God help you if he
ever capture your soul!
I didn't know you were in here.
- Patty, we've got a serious problem.
- What is it?
We've gotta let my dad go.
H-he didn't do it.
He's not responsible.
Okay. We will untie him, later.
Look, Patty. I've gotta
tell you something.
I've gotta tell you
something too.
A confession, really. You know
I've never really liked men much.
Too much beef
and not enough bun.
But you do something to me.
Something I-I just...
can't resist anymore.
Patty.
I love you.
Is that the problem, James?
Because it's really not.
You see, I'm in love
with you too.
- You are?
- Yeah.
Patty, wait!
Patty, wait!
Patty... wait, oh!
What are you do--?
Who's there?
I know you're in here.
Show yourself, devil!
Patty, wait!
Look, stop!
Look, you need to calm down!
I can explain all this.
I can explain all this!
Remember when I said I went to see
that doctor back in New Orleans?
Well, he wasn't a regular doctor.
I told you I don't have a problem
with holistic medicine.
No! He was a witch doctor.
Okay? Black magic.
The art of Voodoo has been
commonly practiced in New Orleans
since the 18th century when slaves
would gather in Beauregard Square.
Look, to make
a long story short,
I went to see this guy
and he put a spell on me.
He said... that I would
be irresistible to women.
That I would have sex effortlessly.
That everyone I would encounter,
would wanna fuck me silly a-and...
And I wouldn't even have to try!
You know, no more bad pick-up lines.
No more awkward first dates.
No more going home alone to pathetically
masturbate in some dark corner
with-with like plastic wrap
a-and a can of WD40.
But there had to be a trade off.
A-a curse.
Every woman that would,
like, succumb to my charms,
would also fall victim to
the source of my manhood.
But I didn't understand
what that meant until now.
Patty, look at me.
Look, Patty, look at me!
Oh!
And ye...
shall appear on Earth
in the form of a phallus.
His veins run with maleficence.
His shaft, stiff...
with ungodly discord!
Return from whence
you came, Succubus!
To the draggled depths of hell!
I didn't know my penis was going to
detach itself from my body
and start killing people!
I swear, I didn't!
I can probably bring
on major lawsuits.
Well, look at that.
You injured, little imp?
You know, you do
look awful familiar.
Yes, the...
...contours,
the shape, the curves.
Do I know you?
Almost as if you were...
spawn from my own
flesh and blood.
Come, my wretched friend.
And unlock these chains
that bind me.
Release me from
this fallacious internment.
Come, and set me free!
Come!
Come!
Look.
Last night was wonderful.
I want to end this curse.
And I'm willing to do
whatever I have to do.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do:
You, go get some clothes on.
And then we'll split up and
attack the thing on two fronts.
That way, it won't do
any more damage.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Patty?
- What?
- What you said back there...
Does that... still ring true?
About holistic koalas, yeah.
No!
About loving me.
Look, James.
We got a killer cock to catch!
Let's talk about love
some other time.
D D
Ugh.
You've got the length but
the girth just doesn't cut it.
Patty!
'sup, homey!
Didn't mean to catch you
on the surprise, kid.
What the hell are
you doing here?
I brought your car, remember?
This isn't a really
good time right now.
Ah, come on, man.
I rode all the way up from town.
You ain't gonna invite me
into your crib?
Listen! Okay, you're not
getting it, homeboy!
There's some serious shit
going on down here.
You need to get the
hell out of here, now!
Aight, aight.
You just pay up your bill and I'll,
I'll be gone on my way.
Shit! I-I can't pay
you right now.
That ain't right.
That's whack!
Okay, just please, just...
Go on home and I'll be by first thing
in the morning to pay you, okay?
No, no, no,
you don't understand.
I'm here now.
So if you ain't got
the duckets on you,
you gonna have to
pay me in other ways.
W-what do you mean?
What ways?
Hmm...
Let me think about it.
Get off of me!
I haven't been able
to get you out my mind
since you was at my store!
Get off me!
Take my car. Just get
your ass off of my limbs!
Oh, I'm gonna get off, alright!
I'm gonna get off
all over your ass!
I ain't one of them
dickless queer faggots!
I didn't come here to
redesign your living room.
I came here to fuck you
up the ass, nigga!
I can't breathe!
My dick!
Can't breathe!
You sick fuck!
Oh no, you don't!
I'm gonna fuck you!
Gonna make you mine!
Come!
Oh.
Oh, you're gonna come!
Come.
Argh! Oh!
Oh?
Oh.
Oh, that feels good!
Ooh, yeah.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, fuck me!
Oh! Go on deep.
Oh!
Oh, yes!
Yeah, yeah.
Oh! Kiss me, doggy!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah!
Yes! Oh!
Ow!
Ow! What are you doing?
No, it's too deep!
Ow! Ow!
What are you doing to...?
Ow!
You? You!!
I hate you!
All my life,
you've made me suffer!
Now I finally found out.
It's you, who's the pervert!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, don't cry!
You know I'll always be there.
Shake your hands
off that penis, son!
Don't you see she's only
trying to show you she cares?
- "She"?
- Aye.
This little runt's a female.
Ain't that right, darling?
You crazy old fool!
How can a cock be a female?
Read your biology, son!
Every genus has two sexes.
This one has X chromosome
written all over it.
Jealous, spiteful, vainglorious.
But then, that's your problem.
You wouldn't know a real woman
if one gave you a handjob
in the back of
an ice cream truck!
Yeah, and what do you
know about women?
With your crazy
dirty little whores and your...
and your objectifying
sculpture work!
- Yeah.
- And what you did to my mother!
Now, just what is it
you're accusing me of, son?
Come on out!
Out and say it!
You've been wanting to ever since
you set foot in this homestead.
I said, say it,
if you got the balls!
Hold it right there!
Easy, nurse.
I'm no nurse, you dumb shit!
I wouldn't set foot
in a doctor's office
if they were giving away
free oral exams!
Then who are you?
You sick son of bitches!
That horrible thing...
...killed the only person
that I've ever loved.
Think I ever really
cared about you, James?
It was Cheryl!
My girlfriend Cheryl.
Get over here :)
Thank you... oh, yes.
Oooooh, yes. Come to mama!
Do you want to get married?
Oh, smooth baby.
Yeah.
Yeah, babe.
Hun, come here.
Oh, you devil! Haha.
Hey, Cheryl,
happy birthday, babe!
- Oh, you shouldn't have.
- You should love it.
We were supposed to get married!
This spring in a legal
ceremony in San Francisco.
Times got tough and
she took a job dancing.
It's where she met
the old man.
Figured he'd be good
for something to scratch.
It was supposed to
be the perfect plan.
Never thought
I'd find you, did you?
Now you're all going to pay!
I should've taken you for
a stone cold dyke from the start.
Well, my dear, you just picked
the wrong 8 inches to fuck with!
Kill her!
Screw you!
Dad!
Dad, are you okay?
Stop being such a pussy, son!
It's just a scratch!
I should've been a better
father to you, James.
You see...
I didn't kill your mother.
The plane went down, yes.
And there were survivors.
But your mother,
she went crazy.
She murdered everybody,
one by one, and ate them!
I tried to stop her, I couldn't!
She made me watch!
No.
I would've been next...
Except, while devouring
her last victim,
she choked to death
on his larynx.
I escaped with my life.
But it wasn't a life.
Haunted by nightmares...
I slipped into the world of my art.
Comforted only by
the company of prostitutes.
Dad, I'm so sorry.
I should've believed you,
all along.
When you came here,
...things changed in me.
I realized how empty
my life was without you in it.
I taxed you with
being half a man.
But it was me who
needed to grow up.
I love you, James.
I love you too, dad.
No, I mean...
I'm in love with you!
Oh, give your old
daddy a kiss, please!
Just one kiss on the lips
for an old man before I die!
Give this... to Ophelia.
It'll make a good tit!
Like psycho, like son.
Oh, nuts!
Anybody in the mood
for a 'cocktail'?
Have you ever arrived late
to a barbeque,
...and the only thing left is
a mangled old burnt-up hot dog?
Well.
Happy 4th of July, motherfucker!
Patty!
Patty!
Please don't.
No, no, no! NO!
You dick! You killed Patty!
You dick!
You killed Patty!
Wait. Yo, wussap?
Check this out!
Oh, baby, I love you, oh!
Come on, guys. Grow up!
- Oh, my God!
- Hey! Fellas at the house!
- Bring enough friends!
- Party, baby!
Bring it!
- Amateur assholes, honey!
- Don't worry about that.
Baby, I gotta get going.
Tonight's the big party and the guys
are counting on me to be there.
Just a little while longer.
Please, James?
But I'm chairman of
the events committee.
I mean, if I'm not there
to help them get ready...
What about me?
I'm ready.
I have been ready.
And I cannot wait any longer!
Take me now, James!
Believe me, I would really...
would love to, but...
Marissa... the curse.
Okay? We've talked about this.
It's been six months!
I mean, we've been dating
all semester long with no problem.
It's over.
You've broken the curse.
Look in the glove compartment.
What?
Look in the glove compartment.
Open it up!
- This isn't one of your pranks, is it?
- No. Open it up.
Trust me.
Oh my god, James.
Is this... does this mean...?
Well, I was gonna wait until
after the party tonight, but I...
Marissa, I'm ready too.
Okay? I am ready
to start over.
I'm ready to start a new life.
With you.
I love you, James.
I love you, too.
Should I open it?
Yeah, of course.
I just hope it fits.
Get off of her!
Oh, no, god!
Oh, yeah.
Alright.
Oh, yeah.
Alright.
Baby, baby,
what sits on your favor,
don't mean a thing to me.
Baby, baby,
come over here,
and tell me -
what do you see?
Well, I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man, baby!
I'm a man. I'm a man.
And tell me, what do you see?
SEX!
You going to Brocktonville?
Sounds like quite a load.
Behold!
How about a rimjob?
Yes, boss?
Who's this little faggot?
Do I look like a guy to you?
I have been ready.
And I cannot wait any longer!
Well, I'm so sick.
Yeah, I'm so twisted.
I think
there's something wrong
with my nervous system.
I'm a pervert, baby.
Girl, you know it's true.
I'm a pervert, baby.
And how about you?
Girl, I'm messed up.
Honey, I'm conflicted.
But when it comes to you.
Baby, I'm addicted.
I'm a pervert, baby.
And can't you see?
I'm a pervert, baby.
Come with me.
I'm a pervert, baby.
Girl, you know it's true.
I'm a pervert, baby.
And I know you...
I'm a pervert, baby.
I'm a pervert, baby.
I'm a pervert, baby.
I'm a pervert, girl!
And, take!
The following movie has
been rated HORNY - 14.
Pregnant women and men who already have
an erection at this point in the film,
should leave the theater now.
Well, I'm so sick.
Yeah, I'm so twisted.
I think there's something wrong,
with my nervous system.
I'm a pervert, baby.
Arrived in town
late last night.
Not a single girl in sight.
Trying to get some chicks
during the day.
Walked all around,
scared them all away.
Whoah.
No dice, no dice,
no dice, no dice!
Met two friends,
we were ready to roll...
Hi. You going to Brocktonville?
I-I do not know.
I'm not from around here.
Uhm, heading out
to the Desert Range.
Oh... well then you're
right on my way.
Great!
- Take that, you little vixen!
- Get off of me!
- We'll teach you to behave!
- Let go of me!
You better watch
your ass, you hear?
Cause I'm gonna be
watching it, nice and close!
You can bet on that.
Then take a good long look,
cause you'll be seeing it go
right out that front gate!
- Let go of me!
- Your dirty hair may be pretty,
but that don't mean it's bulwarked
from a propitious lashing.
Aah.
Aah.
Uh.
I've handled a lot
of fruit in my time,
and there's one thing
I've never minded,
is a little bruises!
You mind?
Oh no. No, go ahead.
I don't have any matches.
Do you keep them in here?
- No please, don't open that!
- What is all this?
This is disgusting!
I'm sorry, I...
You some kind of sex
freak or something?
No! I... It's been a...
long trip and...
You're nasty.
Just pull over now!
It's supposed to be different!
He said it made me
different now!
Save it, jack-off.
I'd rather take a ride
from a fucking serial killer!
Don't surprise me one bit,
your taste for swelled fruit!
Cause you have a rotten
constitution and a quarter, max.
That's enough!
Now listen here, woman.
My son's coming
in from university,
and I don't wanna give him any idea
of what's going on around here.
What do I care about your boy
or what he thinks?
If he's anything like you,
he's a flat out good-for-nothing!
There he is now.
Get to your chores!
And remember.
One word... and I'll show you
what I'm good for!
You know something, Hezekiah?
You just may have
the cock for it,
but I seriously doubt
you've got the...
BALLS in those tires
look a little spent, son.
Might wanna take her into town
and have 'em checked out.
Good to see you, Dad.
It's been too long.
It seems to me the last time
our paths crossed was at...
Mom's funeral.
Well, there was that time
after that, when I bumped into you
in the line outside
the adult movie theater.
That was a tad awkward.
That was a little weird, but
those days are over now, pop.
I am a college man.
I have turned over a new leaf.
That's good, son.
As long as you're gonna
be here whole summer,
you'll be turning over
more than leaves.
I'm putting you to work,
starting tomorrow morning.
Now come on in the house and
I'll show you your quarters.
Oh, dad. You mentioned there's
a good body shop back in town?
Honey?
- Oh, honey?
- Speaking of bodies...
My sweet bullions
have blossomed.
Something marvelous happened
in my garden over night.
They must've shot up
over six inches.
You must be James.
James, meet uh... Cheryl.
She's not a...
substitute for your mother,
mind you, but, uh...
A woman who can satisfy me,
in ways that your mother never could.
And James...
I hope you won't see my
presence here as an intrusion.
It's gonna be a fantastic summer.
School's been a real trip. Uhm.
You know, it took a little while
to get...
used to the dorm life and, y'know,
living in a strange city, but,
New Orleans is uh,
an unbelievable place.
There's so much culture,
music,
great food.
I'm really looking
forward to going back.
And this time...
...as a freshman.
What sort of courses
are you enrolled in?
Well, next semester,
I'll be taking, uhm...
General Ecology.
Organic Chemistry II.
Evolution of the Human
Health and Disease.
Major Religions of Asia.
History, uh...
Sea Power and...
Maritime...
History.
And, uh...
Intermediate, uh...
Hebrew.
And, I'll be...
volunteering in, uh...
an intercity basketball clinic
for, uh, for troubled youth.
It sounds like quite a load.
Though perhaps you would be
bringin' a young lady along with ya.
How's the pussy
quota-ing down there?
Never really had a lot
of luck with the ladies.
But, uh...
I think all that
is about to change.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry! So sorry.
No use crying over it!
Oh, yeah!
Harder, Hezekiah, harder!
- Yes!
- Harder!
There you go! Haah-ha!
Oh, that's harder, Hezekiah!
Ugh, ugh!
Give it to me, daddy!
What's my name?
- Hezekiah.
- Yeah!
When was I born?
June 8th... 1924?
Yeah!
What's the capital of Maryland?
Baltimore, baby!
Argh! Hahaha!
Oh, yeah.
You must be thirsty.
Have some!
Thank you.
You boys are
working hard all day.
Isn't there time for a break?
How about lunch?
We have too much to do.
We haven't made much of a dent
on this fencing project.
We'll eat later.
Oh, actually.
I'm... I would love a snack.
- Is that okay, dad?
- Now, James, I told you...
Come on, Hezekiah!
You know what they say
about all work and no play?
You wouldn't want that tool
of his to get dull, would ya?
Oh, alright, but...
Be quick about it!
There's another saying
you might have heard:
"A bird in the hand
is worth two in the..."
But, my Women's Studies professor
says men can't be feminists,
cause gender itself
is socially constructed?
Wow.
Look at all this!
Your daddy has a thing
about preserves.
I think he'd pickle a platypus
if he can get his hands on one.
Do they have any of them platypus
down in New Orleans, James?
No. I believe those are
only found in Australia.
Stick out your fingers.
What?
Stick 'em out.
Right.
That's it.
Nice and slow.
Well, whaddya know...
It's a cherry.
Mm, James.
You're gonna make
some lucky girl very happy.
Now it's time to taste.
Well, do you have any bread
cause I-I'd rather not eat with...
- ...with my dirty fingers.
- No.
This is lesson number 2.
Stick out your tongue.
Come on, do it! Please?
Let me see it. Stick it out!
Come on.
Now lap it up.
Hey!
Come on.
- I have a picnic set up.
- I can't believe you did that.
So...
How long have you
and my dad been...?
Shacked up?
A few months, I suppose.
Do you love him?
You really are young,
aren't you?
It's just that...
I'm starting to have these...
feelings for you.
And I know it's wrong.
The only thing you're feeling
is that devilish twitch,
that swells around,
inside your...
Hey, watch it!
Hey, look.
A bees' nest.
Be careful.
Don't go near it!
Cheryl, don't pick it up.
It's dangerous!
Put it down.
If you though jam was sweet,
that was just the appetizer.
Cause this is the main course!
Ooh.
Come and get 'em, sugar!
Yeah.
Serves you right, son!
That's what happens when you
go messing around in a nest,
that don't belong to you!
- He looks like a basketball.
- Shut up, woman!
You're the one done let him
into this den of malice.
Now we done lost a whole
half a day's work.
At least until the swelling
goes down.
How was I supposed
to know he's allergic?
It was not her fault, Dad.
I'll be more careful next time.
Damn right, you will!
Consider yourself lucky that wasn't
a rattler under that tree.
Next time, you're gonna
find yourself dead.
Now then...
What I'd like to get
started on today,
is to build a fence across
the southern edge of the property.
Then we build a corral.
You weren't kidding
about all the hard work!
Oh, dad, by the way...
I think you might have rats.
There was one running
around in my room last night.
They are prickly little devils.
Hadn't been a problem
in the house so far.
They must've found a route
in from my studio.
I'll set a few traps
this afternoon.
Studio?
That's where I do my work.
Come on, I'll give you a tour.
Oh, it stinks!
What are you running...
a slaughterhouse?
Just the opposite, son.
In this house,
things are brought to life!
It's the female form, exposed.
- Since when are you an artist?
- Well, uh...
After your mother died,
the insurance money allowed me to...
pursue what, until that time,
had been a dream.
Is that an actual eye ball?
I used to work
exclusively in beef jerky.
Not only, does the stuff
never spoil,
...it's extraordinarily malleable.
But, what you often
sacrifice for...
pliability is... variance in
style and texture.
Does anyone else know about his?
They know!
The so-called critics
have reviewed my craft,
spewed their bile,
their petty conjectures.
Can you imagine
that one of them...
actually had the impudence
to refer to me as crazy?!
Well.
This particular sculpture,
this work of art,
I dedicate to you.
I christened her:
Ophelia.
Ophelia.
Once the corral is done,
I'll be able to raise
my own animals.
Then the only expense I'll bare
is feed and grindstones.
Do you think I could put in for one
of them national endowment grants?
I don't know what they
taught you in that school,
but when two men
engage in conversation,
it's customary to look
one another in the eye!
I didn't take any
class on manliness.
Fortunately, it wasn't offered
as part of our spring curriculum.
Well, maybe it should've been.
You could use a refresher!
Well, most kids took that course
in home school, dad.
Then again... they actually
had fathers who were present.
Bunch of deadbeats
without any jobs.
And what job did you ever have?
I mean, besides
leaching off of mom.
Don't you dare bring
your mother into this!
If she could see you now,
she'd probably... die.
...again!
You know,
that's another thing, dad.
Okay, how exactly did mom die?
You know what?
Forget it, okay.
I'm going into town
and take my car in.
Best you be back
before supper!
That road isn't safe after dark.
What up, dawg?
Uh...
Good, how's it going?
Chillin'.
Just kickin' it.
Look, uhm...
I'd like you to take a look
at my car here,
I might... need uh,
need a tire or two.
Nice ride.
How about a rimjob?
Excuse me?
On the tires.
Could use a little
bling-bling on the thing-thing.
What'd you think I meant?
Look, can you just,
like, uh...
check it out,
inspect it and just,
you know, I'll be back
for an estimate?
No, no. I ain't gon' be
able to get to this today.
Hey, dad?
Oh, dad.
Oh, dada?
Well, you've got
no other car here.
If I come back in an hour...
What I tell you about botherin'
me when I'm with a client?
Now get back to work!
Now, like I was sayin',
I ain't gon' be gettin'
to this today,
ya'll are gonna have
to leave it overnight.
Let me know if you
need a place to crash.
W-what?
Let me know if you filled
the tank up with gas.
You ain't from around here,
are you?
No. I-I'm visiting my father.
You old Hezekiah's boy?
Staying up at the ranch?
Yeah, that's his place.
He a loony motherfucker.
He got that fine bootylicious
biatch livin' up there with him.
You ever seen 'em
do anything kinda...
...strange?
- No.
- Well...
You know what they say about
people on Desert Range,
who stay out here too long?
That's how we got our nickname.
What name is that?
DE-RANGE.
Somethin' about this part
of the desert, I reckon,
people be gettin'
weird up in here.
Here, give me the keys.
Fresh meat.
Need a ride, sailor?
Good timing.
You just happened to be
in the neighbourhood?
I was getting my nails done.
At the nudist colony?
- Get in!
- Move over.
What's with you?
Looks like you've seen a ghost.
I was nearly made lunch
for a rattlesnake back there.
Snakes don't eat, little baby.
You're way too big!
You sure know
a lot about snakes.
That's what happens when
you grow up in West Texas.
- Is that where you met my dad?
- No, we met in Reno.
I was there dancing,
trying to make a living,
...and he was doing
god know what.
So, you're a stripper?
Don't say it like you're so
above it, college boy.
In the real world we do
what we have to do to survive.
You try living in a trailer park with
nothing but dust mites and Lithuanians,
and you'd sell your soul
just to get out.
Look, I-I didn't come
out here to, so much to,
to get involved in some...
crazy family drama, okay?
I came out here to learn
how to become a man.
One man, coming up!
W-what are you...
what are you doing?
I can't see anything.
What the hell?
What the hell has
gotten into her?
Slow down.
Slow down, slow...
Slow down!
Okay, whoah.
Slow down. Stay!
Slow down! Stop this!
No!
God dammit, Cheryl,
are you tryin' to kill me?!
If the good Lord
intended women to drive,
he'd have equipped them with
common sense instead of tits!
Jesus, woman.
Get on home then.
What the hell are you wondering
around out here for?
Hunting squirrels for one
of your stupid statues?
Coyotes.
Native American lore
refers to them as 'trickster'.
One, who alternately
scandalizes,
disgusts, amuses, disrupts,
chastises and humiliates -
the animal-like Provo people
of pre-history.
For me, ain't nothing
but a lazy minty mutt.
Not even fit to be
ate by a Chinaman.
There he is now.
Stop the car!
Put that thing away!
Yeah, must've scared 'em off.
That's alright,
he won't get far.
I thought I had some traps
back in here someplace.
Damn it.
[Bollywood love music]
Heathens!
You dare make a cuckold of me?
My own flesh and blood!
The Lord will wreak
havoc on your souls.
He will pasteurize your blood,
illutriate your kidneys,
distil your intestines,
until free from all material
impressions and noxious matter.
Behold!
Don't you answer me back!
- I didn't...
- Now, you listen to me!
- You're wrong.
- You!
- I don't wanna hear that from you!
- No, I didn't do anything!
- You're a senile fool.
- Take your ass!
You're a hobo who
doesn't have anything.
You're not gonna
get away with this!
No, you're wrong!
You're a serial--
Roll over here!
Oh, God, hear me!
- Watch this, bitch!
- Criminal bastard!
You die! Now!
I saw ya!
I know what I saw!
You can't do this to me!
Go back to bed, son!
Haven't you done
enough for one day?
Hello, Dad, uhm...
What are you doing?
Oh, it's for a new sculpture
I'm working on.
I finally nailed that old coyote.
Look, dad, uhm...
I'm really sorry about what
happened with me and Cheryl.
I'm not trying to make
an excuse or anything, but...
I-I couldn't control myself.
I don't know how to explain it.
It's not your fault, James.
It's the devil at work,
that's who done this.
Where is she anyway?
Oh, Cheryl? She left.
Packed up her stuff in the middle
of the night and... took off.
Don't worry, son.
Cheryl won't be coming back.
I wanna see another dozen post soles,
time I get back from town, son!
- Now to it!
- Alright, dad.
You're wrong!
You're a serial--
Over here! Oh God, hear me!
Watch this, bitch!
Criminal bastard!
Open your eyes!
Mush!
Go ahead and die!
I know what I saw!
You can't do this to me!
Who's this little faggot?
The butler?
This is my son, James.
He's helping out on the ranch
for the summer.
Oh.
She's the maid?
Where's your uniform, sweetheart?
Alicia!
Don't sweat it!
With muscles like that you're
too light for heavy lifting anyhow.
I hold my own.
I'm sure you do.
Ain't nobody else
gonna hold it for you.
Testicles.
Three and a half pounds.
Check.
- Liver. 18 pounds.
- Check.
Chicken drumsticks...
What could you possibly
use these for?
Football game on Sunday.
There should be some, uh,
blue cheese in there someplace.
Lamb shanks. 11 pounds.
Uh, how many pieces of that?
Whatever.
- 24.
- God damn it!
This is the last time they
come up light on their load.
How many times
I gotta tell those idiots?
I like my mutton
like I like my women...
with a little meat
on their bones!
What we need is some
livestock in that corral.
Two of everything.
And I can tell you... they're gonna
be some mighty healthy specimens.
Dad, look. Do you want me to take
this box down to the studio for you?
No, no!
I'll take care of that.
- You sure?
- Why don't you just take a break?
You're actually telling me
to take a break?
Well, you've been working hard.
You deserve it.
Find a nice shady spot
and relax a while.
Oh, one other thing.
Don't go into the studio!
I'm preparing a new exhibit
and I want it to be a surprise.
So don't bother me in there!
You understand?
Yeah.
- Oh, you've got such a beautiful ass!
- Hezekiah, give it to me!
Yeah, baby!
Oh, yes. Oh, good God!
Oh, yeah! Come on.
You know how I like it, yeah!
Yes! Yes!
Oh, shit.
Roll over!
I gotta get some sleep.
Hola, chica!
Que pasa?
You scared me.
Looking for daddy's wallet?
Or isn't that weekly allowance
enough to get you by?
I'm not stealing anything, okay?
It's a key!
Now go back to sleep!
I can't :(
I'm too restless!
What does the key open, anyways?
Tell me.
It can be our secret.
Now just go back to bed!
Come on, James.
I'm like an egg.
Hard on the outside...
but if you prick my yolk
in just the right spot,
I'll gush all over you.
Look, alright.
I'll tell you what...
You meet me in the kitchen,
in...
5 minutes.
And you and I...
will have ourselves an omelet.
Is that you, James?
Ooh.
Mmm.
Yes, James!
Cheryl?
Cheryl?!
Yeah.
You're so deep, James!
Oww! It hurts!
Who did this to you?
Cheryl, listen to me!
Cheryl!
Cheryl, say something to me!
Who did this?
Why, son?
Why?
I was just about to
ask you the same thing!
Except for the son part.
She was a beautiful person.
A good soul.
And there's another one,
lying face down,
on your studio floor,
covered in gore!
Now, how do you explain that?
Cheryl?
We've gotta get
rid of these bodies!
Are you fucking kidding me?
We're calling the authorities now!
No, no! No police!
It's not necessary.
Dad! We're not gonna
get away with this, okay!
These girls - they had families!
Right? Someone's going to start
coming looking for them!
Son, you don't understand.
These girls were nothing but whores.
Nothing but two bit whores,
without a friend in the world!
Nobody knew they were alive,
much less dead!
You mean you were
paying them to be with you?
That's the way it works.
They supplied me with a service,
and were well compensated for it.
Very well compensated!
Right.
More of mom's hard earned
cash put to good use!
To satisfy your sick desires!
Okey, go out to the studio
and get the shovels.
Hurry!
I don't wanna see you
go to jail, son.
This is a family problem -
we can deal with it.
I promise you, we can
get through this together.
I'm not going to jail, dad,
because I didn't do this!
- I didn't do it either!
- Why are you lying?
I speak the truth!
You're the one who's lying.
You know, I-I think
you actually believe that.
I mean, what kind of psycho kills
two women and then he's in such denial,
...that they don't
even remember it?
Like psycho, like son -
I suppose.
Okay, let's just get them
in the ground.
No coffins?
Well, worms need to eat too.
Wait a minute.
I'd like to pay
my last respects.
Dad, you...
- You got a...
- Where?
I sure could think more clearly
if I had the company
of a sympathetic female.
Maybe I'll go into town tonight.
No way, dad! Okay?
That's how we got ourselves
into this mess in the first place.
No more hookers for you!
Now I gotta get into town, today,
to the body shop, alright?
Now just do me a favor,
and stay put! Okay?
Can I help you?
- Yes. Proctorville Nursing Home?
- Who is it?
Yeah, I've got to get my father
over there, immediately!
Certainly, if you come
in business hours.
Yes! He's really sick.
Writing down your home addre--
Dad! Get off the phone!
Hang it up!
- Hello? Are you there?
- Yeah, nobody's there on one.
Okay, so, can I just...
bring him by and drop him off?
Does he suffer from
any serious illness?
No, no, his health is fine.
Look... I think he's
murdering young whores.
Dad!
I'm still on!
Hang up the phone!
- Yes, Chuck!
- Hello?
- Sorry!
- Tell me everything again.
- Look...
- We'll make an appointment.
- No, I'm leaving town.
- When?
Soon... like, today!
I'll send someone out
to evaluate him.
An evaluation?
Now, start from the beginning!
Oh, come one! You were just
supposed to change the tires!
I need to get out of this place!
Well, homie...
You ain't gon' get very far
after what I found
goin' on
under this here hood.
Where you headed to, anyway?
- Back east to the city?
- Anywhere but here.
You were totally
right about this place.
That! See what
I'm talking about?
Now, is there anything really
wrong with this car? I mean...
If this is some backwoods rip-off scheme,
I'd rather just give you the money now,
so we get this
whole thing over with!
Be chill.
Take a look.
The problem is
with your fuel pump.
It's mounted to the engine,
and it uses the motion of
the engine to pump...
...the fuel.
But it ain't. Now, if I...
inject the fuel closer,
It'll burn better when
ignited by a spark plug.
Without any of those...
...emissions.
Know what I'm sayin'? Here.
Come on, feel it.
Touch it if you don't believe me.
No, no.
I believe you, okay!
Just, have this done and
back to me by tomorrow. Okay?
I've never seen
such a cute little ass!
Nice car!
Does the chassis go with it?
Or is that a luxury item
not included in the sticker price?
Chassis is sold separately.
That's why I prefer
the newer models.
The car is new.
But it's been around the block
enough times to know
not to take that crap
from you or any man.
State your business, lady!
I'm your new nurse.
Wh-whoah.
What's going on out here?
Hello. I'm Patricia Veros, I've been
sent over from the Adult Care Facility.
I specifically requested that a guy
come out here and conduct the evaluation.
Do I look like a guy to you?
Nurse? But there's not
a think wrong with me!
I'm fit as a fiddle.
A Stradivarius, no less!
Well maybe your bow
just needs a little rosin?
- Care to pluck my strings?
- Dad!
Right, Hezekiah.
This won't take long.
No rush, my dear.
Wouldn't want you to
do anything half-assed!
You're in good shape
for a man of your age.
I'm like a French bread:
The longer, I'm around -
the harder I get.
Ooh, kinky!
The Lord gave me these hands,
so as not to remain idle.
Permit me to do this work!
If God made you to please a woman,
he wouldn't made you so...
So long as you're
under this roof, nurse,
there shall be no
blasphemy spoken!
Now keep your goddamn
mouth shut and fuck me dry!
Eww! Put that thing away!
Alright, get that
on my white dick!
- You sent home back those girls?
- You ho!
Alright, Hezekiah.
What did you do to those girls?
I never hurt those girls!
They'd be no use to me dead!
Besides...
What good is a man
without a hobby?
Ever tried bowling?
Have a ball.
Maybe it'll end up in the same place
as your filthy mind:
The gutter!
How about some oral interrogation?
- Now start talking!
- But I don't do oral.
What kinda taste does that
leave in your mouth?
Better than your mangled muff,
you stinkin' skanky ho!
Oh? That's it!
Two eggs, over-easy!
Patricia!
Can I see you for
a moment please?
Did you really have
to burn his balls?
We don't know for sure
if he's guilty or not.
Your dad tried to
rape me back there.
And that's reason enough
to keep him subdued.
Now, if I stick around here for
the next couple of days and...
nothing happens, then,
you'll have your answer.
So, uhm...
So what should we do
in the meantime? :)
Have you always had trouble
meeting girls, James?
Oh...
Not so much 'meeting them',
it was uh, sort of getting them...
Into bed?
I was gonna say into
a meaningful relationship, but...
Into bed would be a good start.
You know, that's really
hard to believe.
You're so easy to get along with.
Actually, I sort of developed a...
...bad reputation early on, that sort of
plagued me after school.
Well, that's okay.
That tends to happen when a child is
more advanced than his classmates.
Actually, I was
a compulsive masturbator.
All through high school,
everyone called me 'Cumquat'.
That's cute.
Yeah, I bet you think
I'm a real pervert now.
You know, I don't even know
what a pervert is anymore.
I think some of us just
hide it better than others.
For example, I'm a lesbian.
Oh.
I-I'm kind of disappointed.
I-I thought that you and I
were kinda...
...you know.
- But homosexuality is a choice.
And gays can switch
anytime they like.
Several times, if they so desire.
I'm actually considering
going straight myself.
I guess what I'm trying
to say here, is that...
A leopard can in fact
change his spots.
God knows I've done
it enough times.
Why don't we just stay up
all night, just talking?
Talking?
Okay.
You're so sweet, James.
Oh, but wait.
The gun is up on the rack.
And just in case...
In case of what?
There's no way your dad's
getting out of those shackles.
Yeah, but if my dad's
not the killer,
then that means he's still
out there somewhere.
He?
He...
...or it.
Okay. Whatever.
So. What should we talk about?
Uhm.
Let's talk about favorites!
Okay, I'll go first.
What's your favorite color?
- Red.
- Mine is blue. Uhm...
Wh-what's your favorite... sport?
- Basketball.
- Mine's baseball.
If you had to wipe
an entire race of people
off the face of the world,
which would it be?
Oh gosh, uhm...
Asian. No!
Filipino.
I got you, you fucker!
Good morning.
I guess we fell
asleep last night.
- Mm, yeah.
- Is everything okay?
No. You missed
a little action last night.
We fooled around?
Come on, I wasn't that wasted.
No, something was in here.
And it tried to attack me.
What? Like, an animal?
Maybe.
Well. What did it look like?
You know, I never
really got a good look.
It was probably about... yay-big.
Good morning, dad.
How you holding up?
Like a Greek tragedy!
An inculpable king held captive
by his own treacherous progeny.
Look, I'm really sorry about
keeping you locked up like this.
We'll let you go soon.
I heard shots last night.
What's all the fuss about?
Patty was chasing
something out there.
She said whatever it was,
got into the house.
We think it might be a coyote.
The Trickster.
Don't be fooled by him, son.
He may have your heart,
but God help you if he
ever capture your soul!
I didn't know you were in here.
- Patty, we've got a serious problem.
- What is it?
We've gotta let my dad go.
H-he didn't do it.
He's not responsible.
Okay. We will untie him, later.
Look, Patty. I've gotta
tell you something.
I've gotta tell you
something too.
A confession, really. You know
I've never really liked men much.
Too much beef
and not enough bun.
But you do something to me.
Something I-I just...
can't resist anymore.
Patty.
I love you.
Is that the problem, James?
Because it's really not.
You see, I'm in love
with you too.
- You are?
- Yeah.
Patty, wait!
Patty, wait!
Patty... wait, oh!
What are you do--?
Who's there?
I know you're in here.
Show yourself, devil!
Patty, wait!
Look, stop!
Look, you need to calm down!
I can explain all this.
I can explain all this!
Remember when I said I went to see
that doctor back in New Orleans?
Well, he wasn't a regular doctor.
I told you I don't have a problem
with holistic medicine.
No! He was a witch doctor.
Okay? Black magic.
The art of Voodoo has been
commonly practiced in New Orleans
since the 18th century when slaves
would gather in Beauregard Square.
Look, to make
a long story short,
I went to see this guy
and he put a spell on me.
He said... that I would
be irresistible to women.
That I would have sex effortlessly.
That everyone I would encounter,
would wanna fuck me silly a-and...
And I wouldn't even have to try!
You know, no more bad pick-up lines.
No more awkward first dates.
No more going home alone to pathetically
masturbate in some dark corner
with-with like plastic wrap
a-and a can of WD40.
But there had to be a trade off.
A-a curse.
Every woman that would,
like, succumb to my charms,
would also fall victim to
the source of my manhood.
But I didn't understand
what that meant until now.
Patty, look at me.
Look, Patty, look at me!
Oh!
And ye...
shall appear on Earth
in the form of a phallus.
His veins run with maleficence.
His shaft, stiff...
with ungodly discord!
Return from whence
you came, Succubus!
To the draggled depths of hell!
I didn't know my penis was going to
detach itself from my body
and start killing people!
I swear, I didn't!
I can probably bring
on major lawsuits.
Well, look at that.
You injured, little imp?
You know, you do
look awful familiar.
Yes, the...
...contours,
the shape, the curves.
Do I know you?
Almost as if you were...
spawn from my own
flesh and blood.
Come, my wretched friend.
And unlock these chains
that bind me.
Release me from
this fallacious internment.
Come, and set me free!
Come!
Come!
Look.
Last night was wonderful.
I want to end this curse.
And I'm willing to do
whatever I have to do.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do:
You, go get some clothes on.
And then we'll split up and
attack the thing on two fronts.
That way, it won't do
any more damage.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Patty?
- What?
- What you said back there...
Does that... still ring true?
About holistic koalas, yeah.
No!
About loving me.
Look, James.
We got a killer cock to catch!
Let's talk about love
some other time.
D D
Ugh.
You've got the length but
the girth just doesn't cut it.
Patty!
'sup, homey!
Didn't mean to catch you
on the surprise, kid.
What the hell are
you doing here?
I brought your car, remember?
This isn't a really
good time right now.
Ah, come on, man.
I rode all the way up from town.
You ain't gonna invite me
into your crib?
Listen! Okay, you're not
getting it, homeboy!
There's some serious shit
going on down here.
You need to get the
hell out of here, now!
Aight, aight.
You just pay up your bill and I'll,
I'll be gone on my way.
Shit! I-I can't pay
you right now.
That ain't right.
That's whack!
Okay, just please, just...
Go on home and I'll be by first thing
in the morning to pay you, okay?
No, no, no,
you don't understand.
I'm here now.
So if you ain't got
the duckets on you,
you gonna have to
pay me in other ways.
W-what do you mean?
What ways?
Hmm...
Let me think about it.
Get off of me!
I haven't been able
to get you out my mind
since you was at my store!
Get off me!
Take my car. Just get
your ass off of my limbs!
Oh, I'm gonna get off, alright!
I'm gonna get off
all over your ass!
I ain't one of them
dickless queer faggots!
I didn't come here to
redesign your living room.
I came here to fuck you
up the ass, nigga!
I can't breathe!
My dick!
Can't breathe!
You sick fuck!
Oh no, you don't!
I'm gonna fuck you!
Gonna make you mine!
Come!
Oh.
Oh, you're gonna come!
Come.
Argh! Oh!
Oh?
Oh.
Oh, that feels good!
Ooh, yeah.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, fuck me!
Oh! Go on deep.
Oh!
Oh, yes!
Yeah, yeah.
Oh! Kiss me, doggy!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah!
Yes! Oh!
Ow!
Ow! What are you doing?
No, it's too deep!
Ow! Ow!
What are you doing to...?
Ow!
You? You!!
I hate you!
All my life,
you've made me suffer!
Now I finally found out.
It's you, who's the pervert!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, don't cry!
You know I'll always be there.
Shake your hands
off that penis, son!
Don't you see she's only
trying to show you she cares?
- "She"?
- Aye.
This little runt's a female.
Ain't that right, darling?
You crazy old fool!
How can a cock be a female?
Read your biology, son!
Every genus has two sexes.
This one has X chromosome
written all over it.
Jealous, spiteful, vainglorious.
But then, that's your problem.
You wouldn't know a real woman
if one gave you a handjob
in the back of
an ice cream truck!
Yeah, and what do you
know about women?
With your crazy
dirty little whores and your...
and your objectifying
sculpture work!
- Yeah.
- And what you did to my mother!
Now, just what is it
you're accusing me of, son?
Come on out!
Out and say it!
You've been wanting to ever since
you set foot in this homestead.
I said, say it,
if you got the balls!
Hold it right there!
Easy, nurse.
I'm no nurse, you dumb shit!
I wouldn't set foot
in a doctor's office
if they were giving away
free oral exams!
Then who are you?
You sick son of bitches!
That horrible thing...
...killed the only person
that I've ever loved.
Think I ever really
cared about you, James?
It was Cheryl!
My girlfriend Cheryl.
Get over here :)
Thank you... oh, yes.
Oooooh, yes. Come to mama!
Do you want to get married?
Oh, smooth baby.
Yeah.
Yeah, babe.
Hun, come here.
Oh, you devil! Haha.
Hey, Cheryl,
happy birthday, babe!
- Oh, you shouldn't have.
- You should love it.
We were supposed to get married!
This spring in a legal
ceremony in San Francisco.
Times got tough and
she took a job dancing.
It's where she met
the old man.
Figured he'd be good
for something to scratch.
It was supposed to
be the perfect plan.
Never thought
I'd find you, did you?
Now you're all going to pay!
I should've taken you for
a stone cold dyke from the start.
Well, my dear, you just picked
the wrong 8 inches to fuck with!
Kill her!
Screw you!
Dad!
Dad, are you okay?
Stop being such a pussy, son!
It's just a scratch!
I should've been a better
father to you, James.
You see...
I didn't kill your mother.
The plane went down, yes.
And there were survivors.
But your mother,
she went crazy.
She murdered everybody,
one by one, and ate them!
I tried to stop her, I couldn't!
She made me watch!
No.
I would've been next...
Except, while devouring
her last victim,
she choked to death
on his larynx.
I escaped with my life.
But it wasn't a life.
Haunted by nightmares...
I slipped into the world of my art.
Comforted only by
the company of prostitutes.
Dad, I'm so sorry.
I should've believed you,
all along.
When you came here,
...things changed in me.
I realized how empty
my life was without you in it.
I taxed you with
being half a man.
But it was me who
needed to grow up.
I love you, James.
I love you too, dad.
No, I mean...
I'm in love with you!
Oh, give your old
daddy a kiss, please!
Just one kiss on the lips
for an old man before I die!
Give this... to Ophelia.
It'll make a good tit!
Like psycho, like son.
Oh, nuts!
Anybody in the mood
for a 'cocktail'?
Have you ever arrived late
to a barbeque,
...and the only thing left is
a mangled old burnt-up hot dog?
Well.
Happy 4th of July, motherfucker!
Patty!
Patty!
Please don't.
No, no, no! NO!
You dick! You killed Patty!
You dick!
You killed Patty!
Wait. Yo, wussap?
Check this out!
Oh, baby, I love you, oh!
Come on, guys. Grow up!
- Oh, my God!
- Hey! Fellas at the house!
- Bring enough friends!
- Party, baby!
Bring it!
- Amateur assholes, honey!
- Don't worry about that.
Baby, I gotta get going.
Tonight's the big party and the guys
are counting on me to be there.
Just a little while longer.
Please, James?
But I'm chairman of
the events committee.
I mean, if I'm not there
to help them get ready...
What about me?
I'm ready.
I have been ready.
And I cannot wait any longer!
Take me now, James!
Believe me, I would really...
would love to, but...
Marissa... the curse.
Okay? We've talked about this.
It's been six months!
I mean, we've been dating
all semester long with no problem.
It's over.
You've broken the curse.
Look in the glove compartment.
What?
Look in the glove compartment.
Open it up!
- This isn't one of your pranks, is it?
- No. Open it up.
Trust me.
Oh my god, James.
Is this... does this mean...?
Well, I was gonna wait until
after the party tonight, but I...
Marissa, I'm ready too.
Okay? I am ready
to start over.
I'm ready to start a new life.
With you.
I love you, James.
I love you, too.
Should I open it?
Yeah, of course.
I just hope it fits.
Get off of her!
Oh, no, god!
Oh, yeah.
Alright.
Oh, yeah.
Alright.
Baby, baby,
what sits on your favor,
don't mean a thing to me.
Baby, baby,
come over here,
and tell me -
what do you see?
Well, I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man, baby!
I'm a man. I'm a man.
And tell me, what do you see?
SEX!
You going to Brocktonville?
Sounds like quite a load.
Behold!
How about a rimjob?
Yes, boss?
Who's this little faggot?
Do I look like a guy to you?
I have been ready.
And I cannot wait any longer!
Well, I'm so sick.
Yeah, I'm so twisted.
I think
there's something wrong
with my nervous system.
I'm a pervert, baby.
Girl, you know it's true.
I'm a pervert, baby.
And how about you?
Girl, I'm messed up.
Honey, I'm conflicted.
But when it comes to you.
Baby, I'm addicted.
I'm a pervert, baby.
And can't you see?
I'm a pervert, baby.
Come with me.
I'm a pervert, baby.
Girl, you know it's true.
I'm a pervert, baby.
And I know you...
I'm a pervert, baby.
I'm a pervert, baby.
I'm a pervert, baby.
I'm a pervert, girl!
And, take!