Pet Names (2018) Movie Script
1
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(WOMAN SIGHS)
(ALARM BLARING)
(COFFEE MAKER WHIRRING)
(WOMAN BREATHING HEAVILY)
LAURIE: Oh, that's cold.
It'll get better in a second.
(LAURIE SIGHS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Johnson.
Say, Johnson.
Hello!
These reports are
abysmal Johnson, abysmal.
I don't know how our stocks got so low.
Well, I don't care about your excuses,
all I want to know is that
the next fiscal quarter
you're going to work on it.
And looking at our stocks it's
two in the pink in the stink.
Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to offend you,
I know, you're a flamingo.
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
(DOG BARKING)
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
CAM: I thought you quit?
Oh, um, this is still quitting,
it's just sort of broadening
the definition of quitting.
Oh, okay.
(WOMAN BREATHES HEAVILY)
Well, hi anyway.
It's been a,
- A minute?
- Yeah.
What's up Goose dog.
How's your, how's your mom?
(DOG PANTING)
What's his real name again, Sweden?
- Selsdon.
- Selsdon.
That's right.
CAM: It's from a play or something.
Yeah, I remember.
Well you look, uh.
- Oh my work uniform?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Know it's not easy, but,
uh, somebody's gotta do it.
Hm.
This is my grad school.
(CAM SIGHS)
Okay, well, bye.
Yep, never not see you, maybe not.
LEIGH: What?
Double negative, I think.
Hey.
LEIGH: Very charming.
Come on Goose dog.
Yep.
That's the wrong, that's the wrong way.
It's the wrong way.
Bucko, come on.
Bye Goose dog.
(PHONE RINGING)
DRE: This is Dre, leave
a message at the beep.
LEIGH: Yo dude, it's Leigh,
yeah so my Mom was supposed
to be coming with me
on this camping trip, but she can't come,
obviously, so, um, I don't
really feel like going alone.
So, that's where you come in,
if you want to come, please do.
I'm gonna die.
I have a tent, I have
everything, literally everything.
So, um, just let me know.
All right, bye you dirty slut.
(LEIGH BREATHING HEAVILY)
WOMAN: You okay?
I'm fine.
ANNOUNCER: We haven't
always fired at them.
ANNOUNCER: For a time we
tried to contact them by radio.
No response.
(LEIGH BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Look at you.
I feel like you can see
my butt in this skirt.
Turn around.
No, I know that you can't,
I'm just being paranoid.
Still, turn around, give me a turn.
(TV CHATTERING)
Aw, my beautiful baby.
You ever think it's weird to say that,
considering I look like a
clone of you from yours 20s?
No, it's not weird if it's true, honey.
(TV CHATTERING)
LEIGH: I'll back in the morning.
Mm, have fun sweets.
MAN: This is one episode it's hard,
MAN: I'll pass.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(WOMAN LAUGHING)
WOMAN: Yeah I know.
LEIGH: I feel like a little nauseous.
DRE: Why?
LEIGH: 'Cause, everybody
from our high school is here.
You, this is what you wanted.
- Okay.
- No regrets.
LEIGH: No.
- No regrets.
- Oh my God.
(DRE LAUGHING)
DRE: You're gonna love this.
LEIGH: Okay.
DRE: You're gonna love a
Wednesday at the Davis house.
(MAN LAUGHING)
- What up Dre!
- What's up my man.
- What's good!
- Yeah, quick question.
Why you playin' beer pong
in your movie theater bro.
What up, get out here.
(DRE LAUGHING)
Leigh Michaels, wow.
Hey Davis.
DAVIS: Hey, it's so good to see you.
It's, I haven't seen you in,
I haven't seen you in so long.
- Yeah, mm hm.
- In forever.
It's gotta be like five
years or something?
- Yeah, crazy right?
- Yeah, crazy.
- Totally.
- So crazy.
LEIGH: Mm hm.
Wow, crazy.
Cool, so is this done now?
No, come on, I wanna, I'm
takin' in the moment, you know.
LEIGH: Mm hm.
- It's important to me.
- Yeah.
MAN: Davis, you're up bro!
DAVIS: This isn't over, okay?
I'll be right back, this shot's for you.
Can we go away from here now please?
Oh girl, hell yeah, come on.
(MEN YELLING)
- Loves this.
- Dude, I don't like butts.
- Really?
- I like backs a lot though.
DRE: Backs?
Yeah, the spine, the like the curvature
of the spine is beautiful the muscular
system of the back is
super intricate and cool.
And like, plus, that's what
defines a dude's shape!
Is his back.
Is his back.
- Okay.
- It's not the front.
It's not the dick.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It's his back.
You know that's how love works
(WINDOW BANGING)
(DRIVING MUSIC)
- Hey!
- Yo, what's up dude.
CAM: Yeah, long time no, uh, hm.
- Yep.
- Yes indeed.
(DRE LAUGHING)
Did you win beer pong?
- Yeah dude.
- Oh, good job.
LEIGH: Thank you.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LEIGH: Gonna grind up on this chimney.
DRE: Dude you're about to
make that chimney hard as hell.
LEIGH: I love making chimneys hard.
Whoa!
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LEIGH: Please come
camping with me, please?
DRE: Dude, I cannot,
I have to go to work.
LEIGH: I hate your fucking job.
DRE: Yeah, I do too.
I'm not sitting on a pile of
fucking money, bru, I gotta go.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
But you know what?
I got something for you.
- Wait a second.
- Okay.
If it's a butt plug I'm
gonna be really pissed.
DRE: Dude, your ass would be lucky
if I put a butt plug in it okay.
Okay.
All right, okay.
So I know I won't be there,
this will help you get
through it my friend,
this will help you get through.
- Dude, what?
- Hell yeah dude.
Where did you get these?
Burning Man, like last year.
What?
(DRE LAUGHING)
They still work?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
All right.
They were strong as fuck.
You're a god.
I make dreams come true baby.
Miracle maker.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
- What?
- Bubble.
- Bubble, what?
- Fuck.
Son of a bitch.
- Honey it's okay.
- Fuck.
I'm fine.
It won't fuckin-
- You're tired, don't worry about it.
Damn fuck.
Nothing happened.
Yeah, okay.
Leigh, I'm fine.
It's okay.
Did I get you wet?
A little, who cares.
I do.
Okay, let's do it again.
This time I will try not,
fucking killing you, okay.
(LEIGH SNIFFLING)
Mm hm.
(LEIGH LAUGHS)
- Are you dead?
- Yes.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LAURIE: It's good for
you to get away for a bit.
You've always loved it up there.
LEIGH: What's the name
of this nurse that's
coming tomorrow again?
LAURIE: Mieshka.
She's really good.
LEIGH: Says who?
LAURIE: Um Carolyn recommended her.
She took care of her niece for a while.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
WOMAN ON TV: Am I the
fairest in the place?
MAN ON TV: If I were
you I'd hide my face.
Okay.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Who's turn is it, I don't remember.
LAURIE: I'll go.
Folks I'm goin' down
to St. James Infirmary.
See, my baby
She's stretched out
on a long white table.
She's so sweet so cold, so fair
(SHOES THUDDING)
That's actually not
warmed up yet, I can.
(LEIGH SIGHS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
CAM: Hey little lady, I
can show you a good time!
All right, but I'd have to charge you.
CAM: We can't both be hookers.
LEIGH: Sorry, don't really have time,
I'm trying to find Life on Mars on my iPod
'cause it's a perfect song for
leaving and I can't freakin'.
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
Thank you.
No worries.
You, uh, you skippin' town Bug?
Don't call me Bug.
(LEIGH SIGHS)
You have plans for today?
No.
LEIGH: You have a job?
Nothing permanent.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG PANTING)
I like what your mom did to the kitchen.
CAM: What, like the
tile, and everything?
Yeah.
CAM: Five kinds of tile.
LEIGH: Yeah there's
like five different kinds of tile.
I literally just said that.
- What?
- Nothing.
(CAM SIGHS)
LEIGH: Did you count the tile?
Do you have weed?
Uh, yeah, I wasn't,
I was gonna not though.
LEIGH: Can you bring it please?
CAM: Okay.
Do you mind throwing me some cash though,
I'm a little tight.
Oh I'm sorry sir, you want
me to pay you for your drugs?
Yeah, no!
No.
It's, nevermind.
I'll buy us whiskey.
Dude I cannot believe you
still have that tortoise.
CAM: What are you doing guy.
Come on, here we go (LAUGHS).
LEIGH: Remember we
tried to get it drunk?
I thought he would be dead by now.
He's still kickin'.
You all set?
Yeah.
Goose dog!
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Strengthen your bones
prepare for Korteplopet
Share drink with your team
celebrate you now earned it
CAM: Yeah.
LEIGH: I need more twang.
Okay, like a?
(GUITAR STRUMMING)
LEIGH: Yeah, yeah.
Well I left my wife on
the porch last night
And then she disappeared
I feel like she got abducted by aliens
But I can't tell that from here
Did we close your garage?
- Yeah.
- You're sure?
- I think so.
- You're sure.
CAM: We're not gonna go back and check,
so it doesn't matter either way.
Okay, which one of these is gonna get me
the most fucked up, that's
what all I wanna know.
CAM: All of them.
TV ANNOUNCER: Everything
from Belgium waffles
to jumbo shrimp.
Or whiskey, whiskey?
- Whiskey.
- Whiskey.
Whiskey, why are we even
playing with this baby stuff.
CAM: Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Uh.
CAM: We should get like, oh boy.
(STRAW SLURPING)
That girl's eyeing you.
- What girl?
- The one behind us.
- Oh, bingo.
- Bingo.
Okay, I think I'm gonna go for it.
LEIGH: Yeah, I think you should.
I think it's love, huh.
LEIGH: It, it, congratulations, yeah,
I think that you really should.
Don't laugh, this is my future.
Watch Goose.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hi, how's it goin'?
I was just, you know, passing through.
Hitting the rest stop, I
saw you lookin over here.
Oh.
Okay.
I got you.
Uh.
Good to see ya.
LEIGH: That looked
like it went really well.
CAM: It was super, super bad.
LEIGH: So when's the wedding?
I'll actually be, at your guys wedding,
she was lookin' at you.
No, what?
No, I had no idea.
CAM: Yeah, she said you
were, you know, smiling at her?
Well I'm known for my
sunny disposition, so.
Making eyes, you set me up!
I did not, I genuinely thought
that she was checking you out.
CAM: Hm.
Look, my radar is terrible, I'm sorry.
CAM: Mm hm.
Damn though, I really would.
I'd be down.
You should get in there.
You guys would look great,
like little scissor action.
You know that scissoring isn't
actually a real thing, right?
What?
Oh, did Mama just shatter
some fantasies for you?
Aw.
You won this round.
Who said we're competing?
You did when you tricked
me into talking to her.
All right, game on player.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
PARK RANGER: Hey, so,
here is a map of the loop.
LEIGH: Loop.
Follow the curve down
and then you will find the bathrooms,
keep going for three more posts
and there's where you're gonna be.
- Great.
- Okay.
Now, we haven't seen any bears.
Oh my god, I love your nails!
Oh thank you.
Those are so great, I've always, are,
those are acrylic right?
Yes they are.
Always cheer me up, make me feel fancy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
(CAR HORN BLARING)
Oh, oh, gotta get movin'.
(ALL LAUGHING)
You two enjoy your little slice of heaven.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
PARK RANGER: Oh.
Hi.
CAM: You know I
forgot that you do that.
LEIGH: Do what?
You know how you always try
and strike up conversations
with strangers.
Oh yeah.
I mean we're all human right.
Yeah I guess.
(DOG PANTING)
I just forgot that you do that.
You know our site's in
the lower loop, right.
Yeah, I'm just trying to
remember if we forgot anything.
Okay.
Can you drive forward while you do that?
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Yeah.
That's better.
No, no, don't help.
- I'm going to.
- Okay.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
And just like that.
Okay, I don't know how to do this.
And then disengage the rain
fly pole, which we did.
Mm hm.
First pull out of the sleeve,
You're talking, you're
looking at removing it.
Oh disassemble.
That's the disassemble.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
I know I know.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to see if
Tinder works out here.
Woof.
It's for the game.
It's for the purposes of the game.
Oh yeah, for sure dude,
- for sure.
- Yeah.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(WINDOW KNOCKING)
No?
- Uh uh.
- Nothing.
Okay.
(CAM SIGHS)
Did you see this Bigfoot sticker though?
CAM: That's really good.
Have you seen him?
Have you seen him?
LEIGH: I've seen the Lord.
All right, no bonfire.
So how do you want to do this?
Um?
I want to sleep for a very long time?
No, I mean, like I can sleep
in the car if you want or?
Oh no, no, don't be dumb.
Okay.
Yeah, that would have sucked so.
Groovy.
(DOG SNORING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
So how long ago was that?
CAM: Uh, a few months
ago, like five, maybe.
LEIGH: Damn, that sucks man.
CAM: Yeah, you know, I
wished she'd left me for a dude
or something, like not a corporation.
LEIGH: Mm hm.
'Cause that just means
that I was less entertaining
to her that some like,
boring nine to five job,
a Christmas bonus, you know.
I mean, that's like, not
what it was though right?
No, what do you mean?
Like you can't blame somebody
for wanting to pursue
their calling or whatever.
CAM: (groans) Yeah.
Mm, maybe it was just bad timing.
Or maybe she was using it as an excuse.
Yeah maybe.
No, that's really what I think it was.
Does it matter?
CAM: (sighs) I guess not, but.
It doesn't.
It's hard either way, it doesn't matter.
Sure, yeah, but, okay.
But if she'd left me for a
guy, I could beat him up.
Or, if she was like
exploring her sexuality,
LEIGH: Come on Cameron, come on.
Or whatever like, I could lie
and say we hella threesomes but you know,
it's not like I'm gonna stop using Google
as a peaceful protest, whatever.
Okay.
I just don't really know
what to do when that happens.
You know, like, I'm
just supposed to go back
to like normal life?
Uh, yeah okay, this is done now.
LEIGH: Know where to put it.
What?
The pain dude, the pain.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Catch!
You coming?
I want to say yeah,
but isn't that weird?
On the contrary my dear.
I've seen your jubblies, I've
see your puss so many times,
it's like wallpaper now.
I won't even notice it.
I've always wanted a
man to say that to me.
- Sexy wallpaper.
- Mm hm, that's better.
Come on!
Live for the thrill!
Gotta?
- No.
- No?
I'm gonna let you have this one.
Okay.
Enjoy the view.
Yep, there he is.
Oh Jesus Cam.
(CAM GROANING)
Yes.
I honestly.
What?
You always think you
have such a great ass
and it's really,
CAM: I do though!
No you don't.
CAM: It's the perfect proportions.
It's fine, it's like a fine
butt, it's not anything great.
CAM: I'm thick and I like it.
Okay.
- Nice, real.
- Got steel fingers over here.
There we go.
- There we go.
- Okay.
(LEIGH YELLING)
We're doing this now, is
that what we're doing.
(CAM YELLS)
(LEIGH YELLING)
(BOTH YELLING)
When I was a little kid, and
my family would go camping,
my Dad before bed would tell
me and my brother these stories
about these two kids on this
planet called Toasteron.
(CAM LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Yeah, it was really
just my brother and me,
and they'd get into all
kinds of trouble you know,
but like Indiana Jones type of trouble.
Like they'd always end up okay.
And I used to pretend
that I couldn't sleep
to have him keep telling stories.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
I used to do that with you.
When you'd scratch my back.
- (LAUGHING) Really?
- Yeah.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
'Cause you were so good at
it and I liked it so much,
I'd just lie and say I wasn't tired.
Do you want me to scratch
your back right now,
is that why you're bringing this up?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- No.
- Okay, turn around.
Sorry.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
CAM: So I think I might
have redemption for our game?
LEIGH: Hm?
CAM: Some girl at another
campsite just checked me out.
LEIGH: You sure she
was checking you out?
CAM: Like 100% sure.
Like bone zone.
All right, show me what she did.
Okay, she was like.
Ah, hi.
Like that.
Was she cute?
CAM: Hello?
I'm not shallow.
Come on.
Okay, yeah she was pretty insanely hot.
LEIGH: All right, good job.
Okay, do I get a point or?
Okay, yes, you get 1,000 points okay.
CAM: Okay, well how many
did you get for rest stop girl?
LEIGH: 1,000 too.
I'm gonna go walk Goose.
LAURIE: Hi, you've reached Laurie,
I can't come to the phone right now
but if you leave a brief
message after the beep,
I will call you right back.
Thanks, have a good day, bye.
LEIGH: Hey, it's me, I'm
sorry that I missed your call.
I was not looking at my phone
which is the point of camping, I guess.
Um, what else do you want to know.
The fire still looks the same.
Camping is still, you
know, the same thing.
Anyway, love you.
I hope you're sleeping right now.
Love you bye.
(GOOSE PANTING HEAVILY)
(LEIGH LAUGHS)
Where the fuck did you
go, his hips are really bad,
you can't walk him for that long.
Okay, relax, I carried
his fat ass half the time.
I didn't know you guys were
going on like an actual hike.
Sorry, should have been more clear.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
What's up dude?
Are you still with that guy?
Who Davis?
What, no!
Ew.
Did you hook up with Davis?
No.
'Cause that'd be, ew.
No, no, the one guy, the
other guy, furniture guy.
- P.T.
- P.T.
Yeah, uh, kind of, I guess, you know.
I don't really know, it's
like a lite thing, you know.
L-I-T-E, relationship lite.
You cool?
I don't know if you had
to call him, or something.
I was texting my Mom.
You know, he seemed really nice,
when I saw you guys at the Kingfish.
Very stately.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Like he could for sure be a politician
if he wasn't such an artist.
Why do you do that?
What?
CAM: You make fun of people
for caring about things,
for being driven.
I don't know.
Probably 'cause I'm not anymore.
What's the plan, for
the rest of the day?
I don't have one.
If you were up here alone,
what would you be doing?
Searching for my soul.
(LEIGH LAUGHS)
No way.
Yeah, Dre had some left
over from Burning Man,
so they gave it to me.
Let's go!
- Right now?
- Right now, yeah.
- Right now.
- Right now.
Okay.
What about Goose?
He'll, nah, he'll be fine.
Right?
LEIGH: Why are you
asking me, he's your dog!
CAM: He's, ah, forget it (laughs).
- Oh!
- Ah ha!
- Woo hoo.
- Welcome to the water place.
(WATER WHOOSHING)
(CAM YELLING)
Ow.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Whoops.
Please don't splash me
that's disrespectful.
(CAM YELLING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(CAM YELLING)
CAM: Yeah!
Come here.
CAM: Okay.
It's a corn graveyard.
You look like a farmer (LAUGHING).
- I am a farmer.
- Nope.
This is all my land.
- We were so intense.
- Yeah (LAUGHS).
- Yeah.
- Hey.
Fire on fire.
LEIGH: Uh huh, yeah.
Fire on fire.
Fire on fire.
- Yeah, on top of more fire.
- More fire.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
I didn't realize I knew you by heart.
I think I'm coming down.
Me too.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
CAM: What.
LEIGH: It ends really cool.
And the dog is where?
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Uh oh.
- Goose!
- Check the tent.
Do you want to check the tent.
- Check the tent.
- Okay.
Oh hey Goose!
No.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Where is he!
I don't know, maybe he's
takin' a bath (LAUGHS)!
Can't just lose Goose come on.
Okay, I'm comin'.
- Hey Goose!
- Goose!
I miss him.
You're not helping!
- I am, Goose!
- Goose.
Goose.
Oh, I can go talk to the ranger.
- Yeah.
- I'll do that.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- Okay, okay, thank you.
Which way are they?
Up, I don't know.
Goose!
(CAM GROANING)
Fuckin' of course.
Fuck!
(GROANS)
WOMAN: Hey, are you looking for a dog?
Yep, the big fat, fuckin' lazy shit.
WOMAN: Is that a pug dog?
Yeah, have you seen him.
Oh, Jamie, it's his dog!
- Oh god.
- good, yay!
He's so energetic!
You scared the crap out
of me you dumb, adorable,
stupid dumb, dumb.
Don't worry, we'll find it,
where was the last time you see it.
It was it our site.
Okay.
Site 53, right, you are site 53?
- 53, yeah.
- Okay, don't worry.
I'm gonna call somebody and
I'll get, oh it's locked, okay.
Can I get you guys
anything as a thank you?
Like we have three bottles
of whiskey if you want one.
We are having a wine
night tonight at our cabin.
We're just gonna open a Rose and talk.
WOMAN WITH LONG HAIR: Sit by the fire
if you wanted to come to that?
You know, yeah.
I would, I would like to do that.
Totally.
All right, take it easy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you too.
- See you later.
- Yeah, see you tonight.
Bye.
Huh.
Okay, so I talked to the ranger.
What?
Where was he?
He's a pimp, he was at
the site with the hot girls.
Oh, my god.
Yeah.
Goose pimp.
Goose pimp.
I can't believe we got him back.
Me either.
What a pimp.
Were the girls pissed?
No, not at all.
They invited us over for wine, actually.
Oh.
- What?
- Nothing.
They just find your dog and
then invite you over for wine.
CAM: Yeah, I guess.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
What ya doin' pal?
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LEIGH: Okay, so I've been writing you
the worst song I could possibly write.
CAM: Oh I'm so excited.
And I'm thinkin' like, picky,
Mm.
And like croony.
Like?
(GUITAR STRUMMING)
Yes.
Oh, so sad.
Yes.
It's a (LAUGHS)
If you could take your art seriously,
that would really be good to me.
It's a beautiful day
to break your heart
(LAUGHING) Yes.
Lookin' past the racks of cold beer
For a brand new start
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
I've missed your face
when you're not around
Really, really good, original.
I know.
Mostly fell from grace
Their angels are on the ground
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Lay your wings
I'm tired of laying down angels
Los Angeles, Los Angeles just smile
(LAUGHING) Wow.
Yeah, that time, it's about
that time I went to Los Angeles
and I had a really profound experience.
Why are you talking about
the things that I wrote?
It's about the time that
I went to Los Angeles.
Oh I own this now.
And I got so high that
I scratched a rental car.
(LEIGH BLOWING)
You comin'?
Nah, I owe my Mom a phone call.
CAM: Okay, well I'll
flip my hair for ya.
Live for the thrill.
CAM: Yeah, it's all I do.
(LAURIE SPEAKING FAINTLY)
Mm hm.
When did that start?
Okay, did you call Dr. Becker?
No Mom, your supposed to call him,
that's what he's there for.
It's like, nothing bad
has actually happened to me,
so like, when I do feel shitty,
it makes it feel less valid.
- I get it.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I get it.
You know what, sometimes I wish
that something bad would
actually happen to me
because I just want to
know if I could handle it.
- Yeah.
- I don't want
to get like Elizabeth Smart-ed
- or anything.
- No.
JANIE: But, something substantial.
I will.
Okay, good night.
(LEIGH SIGHS)
I wish I was a witch.
(FIRE WHOOSHES)
(CAM SCREAMS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oo, you could totally be a witch!
- What?
- You could be a witch.
LEIGH: Yeah, but that
would take so much effort.
Yeah, yeah, yep.
Witch's brew.
My favorite.
Ah.
(FIRE CRACKLING)
Are you afraid to die?
Just you know, it's completely new
and different for every person.
Reached the point where we've felt
all the possible feelings we can feel
and it's the last new thing
we'll ever experience.
You're pretty morbid these days.
I think I've always been.
I think I'm just saying it out loud now.
Plus you kind of have to be
when you're dealing with my mom.
It stops becoming something, you know.
It's like so far away.
And it's just sort of there every day.
It's like a third person in the house.
(LAUGHS)
You don't necessarily
like it, but it's there.
Try as you might to get it out of there,
it will still come back.
That's the thing you know.
It always happens.
It just doesn't happen
this fucking slowly.
It's like watching
someone rot above ground.
(CRYING) Dammit.
Come on.
Witch's dance.
(LEIGH HUMMING SOFTLY)
(CAM WHISTLES)
I went down to St. James
Infirmary
Saw my baby there
She was laying on a cold, hard table
So white, so cold, so fair
MOUTH TRUMPET NOISES:
Doo, doo, dooo
Br, br, br
Br, br, bah
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh.
(FIRE CRACKLING)
No!
Ooh.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Okay.
Yeah!
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Good night Bug.
Good night Bug.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(KIDS CHATTERING)
Get it?
You get it.
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Hm.
- Do you get it.
- Oh my god.
Want some coffee?
Sure.
Hi.
I'm Leigh.
Hey girl.
We've heard so much about you.
I'm so sorry about your mom.
That is so hard.
Thank you.
You want some java?
So, how do you two know each other?
We used to date.
Yeah we dated in high school.
High school and college.
Most of college actually.
You guys are so strong, I, I mean,
I could never be friends with my ex.
Oh no.
Every time we see each other we fuck.
(LAUGHING) Fucking Dillon.
I am not a fan of her ex-boyfriend.
I'm gonna go feed Goose,
thank you guys for the java.
I killed the vibe.
No, don't worry about it.
JESS: She is like super intimidating.
I know.
Is she like really sad?
What's goin' on?
Kind of want to get home.
Because of?
My mom has this cough
and I think it's gonna turn
into pneumonia or something.
Okay, when did she get the cough?
I don't know.
Says she's had it for a few days.
Weren't you with her a few days ago?
Yeah, must not have heard it.
What's up Leigh.
LEIGH: Nothing.
Just don't really see
the point in staying.
Okay.
Why?
Can't we like hike or something?
We still have a whole pint of guacamole.
LEIGH: I don't really
want to sit around
and eat condiments with you Cam.
You seemed fine doing that yesterday.
Also, guacamole's not a condiment!
I paid for this whole trip, right?
You're just a ride along.
No, fuck that, that's
absolutely not fair.
Okay, what do you want to
do, O Captain my Captain?
The love of my life.
My faithful, faithful friend.
Don't bring that up.
It's just that you
leaving me this morning,
to go hang out with two dumb sticks
felt pretty goddamn familiar.
You don't know me anymore Leigh.
(LAUGHS) I just thought
that I mattered a little bit more to you,
you know, not just a fucking
sympathy play for pussy.
Why the hell am I here?
Because I saw you on the street.
Really?
I can't say that I
missed you, or I wanted,
you don't get to win like that.
CAM: It's not about winning.
(LEIGH LAUGHS SOFTLY)
You know why you feel okay saying that?
It's because you won.
You wrecked me Cameron.
You shattered me.
And now, you get to go and tell the tale
of your sorry little ex-girlfriend
and her dying mommy to
Marabel and Agnes over there.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(KICKING SINK)
(LEIGH WHIMPERING)
Hey.
Hi.
I get told all the time I'm too forward.
Don't worry about it.
Well, I'm pretty intuitive
and I could tell you
were kind of mad right?
I, uh, I don't really think
that I was trying to hide that.
Um, well, I'm sorry.
I'm not mad at you.
I don't even know you.
I can still be sorry.
That doesn't make any sense.
I really do hope your mom gets better.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Thanks.
I'll see you later?
(PEOPLE SPEAKING FAINTLY)
I can rent Cabaret from the
library when I get back.
You want to?
Okay.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(CAM GROANING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
When I was young I had no answers
Always coming up for air
Always cutting my own hair
But I'm running into doors now
Because you are not around
Naked in the night with
the water falling down
I am falling down
You push me
I am the boulder
Spin me out of control
Cause I cannot handle
Gettin' older
So tumble me down, down, down, down
Hey, I'm at a loss for words again
CAM: Shit.
And it's only cause I
think I've reached the end
CAM: Think we forgot anything?
And do we have to settle down?
Guess it doesn't
really matter either way.
CAM: Yeah.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Well, um.
Yeah.
Yep.
(LEIGH LAUGHING SOFTLY)
Thanks.
Yeah, no problem.
Thank you.
Yeah, hm.
No worries.
(BOTH LAUGHING SOFTLY)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
You push me I am the boulder
Spin me out of control
'Cause I cannot handle getting older
So tumble me down, down, down, down
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
(LEIGH CRYING SOFTLY)
(LEIGH LAUGHS SOFTLY)
You dead?
Yes.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(LEIGH LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I went down to St. James Infirmary
Saw my baby there
Stretched out on a long white table
So sweet, so cold, so fair
Let it go, let it go
God bless her
Wherever she may be
She can search the
whole wide world over
And she'll never find
a man quite like me
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
You push me, I am the boulder
Spin me out of control
'Cause I cannot handle gettin' older
So tumble me down, down, down, down
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Why do we have to face
this in our lives?
Are we running out of time?
Oh, oh
Buh, buh, buh
Are we running out of time?
I don't know why
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(WOMAN SIGHS)
(ALARM BLARING)
(COFFEE MAKER WHIRRING)
(WOMAN BREATHING HEAVILY)
LAURIE: Oh, that's cold.
It'll get better in a second.
(LAURIE SIGHS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Johnson.
Say, Johnson.
Hello!
These reports are
abysmal Johnson, abysmal.
I don't know how our stocks got so low.
Well, I don't care about your excuses,
all I want to know is that
the next fiscal quarter
you're going to work on it.
And looking at our stocks it's
two in the pink in the stink.
Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to offend you,
I know, you're a flamingo.
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
(DOG BARKING)
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
CAM: I thought you quit?
Oh, um, this is still quitting,
it's just sort of broadening
the definition of quitting.
Oh, okay.
(WOMAN BREATHES HEAVILY)
Well, hi anyway.
It's been a,
- A minute?
- Yeah.
What's up Goose dog.
How's your, how's your mom?
(DOG PANTING)
What's his real name again, Sweden?
- Selsdon.
- Selsdon.
That's right.
CAM: It's from a play or something.
Yeah, I remember.
Well you look, uh.
- Oh my work uniform?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Know it's not easy, but,
uh, somebody's gotta do it.
Hm.
This is my grad school.
(CAM SIGHS)
Okay, well, bye.
Yep, never not see you, maybe not.
LEIGH: What?
Double negative, I think.
Hey.
LEIGH: Very charming.
Come on Goose dog.
Yep.
That's the wrong, that's the wrong way.
It's the wrong way.
Bucko, come on.
Bye Goose dog.
(PHONE RINGING)
DRE: This is Dre, leave
a message at the beep.
LEIGH: Yo dude, it's Leigh,
yeah so my Mom was supposed
to be coming with me
on this camping trip, but she can't come,
obviously, so, um, I don't
really feel like going alone.
So, that's where you come in,
if you want to come, please do.
I'm gonna die.
I have a tent, I have
everything, literally everything.
So, um, just let me know.
All right, bye you dirty slut.
(LEIGH BREATHING HEAVILY)
WOMAN: You okay?
I'm fine.
ANNOUNCER: We haven't
always fired at them.
ANNOUNCER: For a time we
tried to contact them by radio.
No response.
(LEIGH BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Look at you.
I feel like you can see
my butt in this skirt.
Turn around.
No, I know that you can't,
I'm just being paranoid.
Still, turn around, give me a turn.
(TV CHATTERING)
Aw, my beautiful baby.
You ever think it's weird to say that,
considering I look like a
clone of you from yours 20s?
No, it's not weird if it's true, honey.
(TV CHATTERING)
LEIGH: I'll back in the morning.
Mm, have fun sweets.
MAN: This is one episode it's hard,
MAN: I'll pass.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(WOMAN LAUGHING)
WOMAN: Yeah I know.
LEIGH: I feel like a little nauseous.
DRE: Why?
LEIGH: 'Cause, everybody
from our high school is here.
You, this is what you wanted.
- Okay.
- No regrets.
LEIGH: No.
- No regrets.
- Oh my God.
(DRE LAUGHING)
DRE: You're gonna love this.
LEIGH: Okay.
DRE: You're gonna love a
Wednesday at the Davis house.
(MAN LAUGHING)
- What up Dre!
- What's up my man.
- What's good!
- Yeah, quick question.
Why you playin' beer pong
in your movie theater bro.
What up, get out here.
(DRE LAUGHING)
Leigh Michaels, wow.
Hey Davis.
DAVIS: Hey, it's so good to see you.
It's, I haven't seen you in,
I haven't seen you in so long.
- Yeah, mm hm.
- In forever.
It's gotta be like five
years or something?
- Yeah, crazy right?
- Yeah, crazy.
- Totally.
- So crazy.
LEIGH: Mm hm.
Wow, crazy.
Cool, so is this done now?
No, come on, I wanna, I'm
takin' in the moment, you know.
LEIGH: Mm hm.
- It's important to me.
- Yeah.
MAN: Davis, you're up bro!
DAVIS: This isn't over, okay?
I'll be right back, this shot's for you.
Can we go away from here now please?
Oh girl, hell yeah, come on.
(MEN YELLING)
- Loves this.
- Dude, I don't like butts.
- Really?
- I like backs a lot though.
DRE: Backs?
Yeah, the spine, the like the curvature
of the spine is beautiful the muscular
system of the back is
super intricate and cool.
And like, plus, that's what
defines a dude's shape!
Is his back.
Is his back.
- Okay.
- It's not the front.
It's not the dick.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It's his back.
You know that's how love works
(WINDOW BANGING)
(DRIVING MUSIC)
- Hey!
- Yo, what's up dude.
CAM: Yeah, long time no, uh, hm.
- Yep.
- Yes indeed.
(DRE LAUGHING)
Did you win beer pong?
- Yeah dude.
- Oh, good job.
LEIGH: Thank you.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LEIGH: Gonna grind up on this chimney.
DRE: Dude you're about to
make that chimney hard as hell.
LEIGH: I love making chimneys hard.
Whoa!
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LEIGH: Please come
camping with me, please?
DRE: Dude, I cannot,
I have to go to work.
LEIGH: I hate your fucking job.
DRE: Yeah, I do too.
I'm not sitting on a pile of
fucking money, bru, I gotta go.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
But you know what?
I got something for you.
- Wait a second.
- Okay.
If it's a butt plug I'm
gonna be really pissed.
DRE: Dude, your ass would be lucky
if I put a butt plug in it okay.
Okay.
All right, okay.
So I know I won't be there,
this will help you get
through it my friend,
this will help you get through.
- Dude, what?
- Hell yeah dude.
Where did you get these?
Burning Man, like last year.
What?
(DRE LAUGHING)
They still work?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
All right.
They were strong as fuck.
You're a god.
I make dreams come true baby.
Miracle maker.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
- What?
- Bubble.
- Bubble, what?
- Fuck.
Son of a bitch.
- Honey it's okay.
- Fuck.
I'm fine.
It won't fuckin-
- You're tired, don't worry about it.
Damn fuck.
Nothing happened.
Yeah, okay.
Leigh, I'm fine.
It's okay.
Did I get you wet?
A little, who cares.
I do.
Okay, let's do it again.
This time I will try not,
fucking killing you, okay.
(LEIGH SNIFFLING)
Mm hm.
(LEIGH LAUGHS)
- Are you dead?
- Yes.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LAURIE: It's good for
you to get away for a bit.
You've always loved it up there.
LEIGH: What's the name
of this nurse that's
coming tomorrow again?
LAURIE: Mieshka.
She's really good.
LEIGH: Says who?
LAURIE: Um Carolyn recommended her.
She took care of her niece for a while.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
WOMAN ON TV: Am I the
fairest in the place?
MAN ON TV: If I were
you I'd hide my face.
Okay.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Who's turn is it, I don't remember.
LAURIE: I'll go.
Folks I'm goin' down
to St. James Infirmary.
See, my baby
She's stretched out
on a long white table.
She's so sweet so cold, so fair
(SHOES THUDDING)
That's actually not
warmed up yet, I can.
(LEIGH SIGHS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
CAM: Hey little lady, I
can show you a good time!
All right, but I'd have to charge you.
CAM: We can't both be hookers.
LEIGH: Sorry, don't really have time,
I'm trying to find Life on Mars on my iPod
'cause it's a perfect song for
leaving and I can't freakin'.
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
Thank you.
No worries.
You, uh, you skippin' town Bug?
Don't call me Bug.
(LEIGH SIGHS)
You have plans for today?
No.
LEIGH: You have a job?
Nothing permanent.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DOG PANTING)
I like what your mom did to the kitchen.
CAM: What, like the
tile, and everything?
Yeah.
CAM: Five kinds of tile.
LEIGH: Yeah there's
like five different kinds of tile.
I literally just said that.
- What?
- Nothing.
(CAM SIGHS)
LEIGH: Did you count the tile?
Do you have weed?
Uh, yeah, I wasn't,
I was gonna not though.
LEIGH: Can you bring it please?
CAM: Okay.
Do you mind throwing me some cash though,
I'm a little tight.
Oh I'm sorry sir, you want
me to pay you for your drugs?
Yeah, no!
No.
It's, nevermind.
I'll buy us whiskey.
Dude I cannot believe you
still have that tortoise.
CAM: What are you doing guy.
Come on, here we go (LAUGHS).
LEIGH: Remember we
tried to get it drunk?
I thought he would be dead by now.
He's still kickin'.
You all set?
Yeah.
Goose dog!
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Strengthen your bones
prepare for Korteplopet
Share drink with your team
celebrate you now earned it
CAM: Yeah.
LEIGH: I need more twang.
Okay, like a?
(GUITAR STRUMMING)
LEIGH: Yeah, yeah.
Well I left my wife on
the porch last night
And then she disappeared
I feel like she got abducted by aliens
But I can't tell that from here
Did we close your garage?
- Yeah.
- You're sure?
- I think so.
- You're sure.
CAM: We're not gonna go back and check,
so it doesn't matter either way.
Okay, which one of these is gonna get me
the most fucked up, that's
what all I wanna know.
CAM: All of them.
TV ANNOUNCER: Everything
from Belgium waffles
to jumbo shrimp.
Or whiskey, whiskey?
- Whiskey.
- Whiskey.
Whiskey, why are we even
playing with this baby stuff.
CAM: Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Uh.
CAM: We should get like, oh boy.
(STRAW SLURPING)
That girl's eyeing you.
- What girl?
- The one behind us.
- Oh, bingo.
- Bingo.
Okay, I think I'm gonna go for it.
LEIGH: Yeah, I think you should.
I think it's love, huh.
LEIGH: It, it, congratulations, yeah,
I think that you really should.
Don't laugh, this is my future.
Watch Goose.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hi, how's it goin'?
I was just, you know, passing through.
Hitting the rest stop, I
saw you lookin over here.
Oh.
Okay.
I got you.
Uh.
Good to see ya.
LEIGH: That looked
like it went really well.
CAM: It was super, super bad.
LEIGH: So when's the wedding?
I'll actually be, at your guys wedding,
she was lookin' at you.
No, what?
No, I had no idea.
CAM: Yeah, she said you
were, you know, smiling at her?
Well I'm known for my
sunny disposition, so.
Making eyes, you set me up!
I did not, I genuinely thought
that she was checking you out.
CAM: Hm.
Look, my radar is terrible, I'm sorry.
CAM: Mm hm.
Damn though, I really would.
I'd be down.
You should get in there.
You guys would look great,
like little scissor action.
You know that scissoring isn't
actually a real thing, right?
What?
Oh, did Mama just shatter
some fantasies for you?
Aw.
You won this round.
Who said we're competing?
You did when you tricked
me into talking to her.
All right, game on player.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
PARK RANGER: Hey, so,
here is a map of the loop.
LEIGH: Loop.
Follow the curve down
and then you will find the bathrooms,
keep going for three more posts
and there's where you're gonna be.
- Great.
- Okay.
Now, we haven't seen any bears.
Oh my god, I love your nails!
Oh thank you.
Those are so great, I've always, are,
those are acrylic right?
Yes they are.
Always cheer me up, make me feel fancy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
(CAR HORN BLARING)
Oh, oh, gotta get movin'.
(ALL LAUGHING)
You two enjoy your little slice of heaven.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
PARK RANGER: Oh.
Hi.
CAM: You know I
forgot that you do that.
LEIGH: Do what?
You know how you always try
and strike up conversations
with strangers.
Oh yeah.
I mean we're all human right.
Yeah I guess.
(DOG PANTING)
I just forgot that you do that.
You know our site's in
the lower loop, right.
Yeah, I'm just trying to
remember if we forgot anything.
Okay.
Can you drive forward while you do that?
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Yeah.
That's better.
No, no, don't help.
- I'm going to.
- Okay.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
And just like that.
Okay, I don't know how to do this.
And then disengage the rain
fly pole, which we did.
Mm hm.
First pull out of the sleeve,
You're talking, you're
looking at removing it.
Oh disassemble.
That's the disassemble.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
I know I know.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to see if
Tinder works out here.
Woof.
It's for the game.
It's for the purposes of the game.
Oh yeah, for sure dude,
- for sure.
- Yeah.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(WINDOW KNOCKING)
No?
- Uh uh.
- Nothing.
Okay.
(CAM SIGHS)
Did you see this Bigfoot sticker though?
CAM: That's really good.
Have you seen him?
Have you seen him?
LEIGH: I've seen the Lord.
All right, no bonfire.
So how do you want to do this?
Um?
I want to sleep for a very long time?
No, I mean, like I can sleep
in the car if you want or?
Oh no, no, don't be dumb.
Okay.
Yeah, that would have sucked so.
Groovy.
(DOG SNORING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
So how long ago was that?
CAM: Uh, a few months
ago, like five, maybe.
LEIGH: Damn, that sucks man.
CAM: Yeah, you know, I
wished she'd left me for a dude
or something, like not a corporation.
LEIGH: Mm hm.
'Cause that just means
that I was less entertaining
to her that some like,
boring nine to five job,
a Christmas bonus, you know.
I mean, that's like, not
what it was though right?
No, what do you mean?
Like you can't blame somebody
for wanting to pursue
their calling or whatever.
CAM: (groans) Yeah.
Mm, maybe it was just bad timing.
Or maybe she was using it as an excuse.
Yeah maybe.
No, that's really what I think it was.
Does it matter?
CAM: (sighs) I guess not, but.
It doesn't.
It's hard either way, it doesn't matter.
Sure, yeah, but, okay.
But if she'd left me for a
guy, I could beat him up.
Or, if she was like
exploring her sexuality,
LEIGH: Come on Cameron, come on.
Or whatever like, I could lie
and say we hella threesomes but you know,
it's not like I'm gonna stop using Google
as a peaceful protest, whatever.
Okay.
I just don't really know
what to do when that happens.
You know, like, I'm
just supposed to go back
to like normal life?
Uh, yeah okay, this is done now.
LEIGH: Know where to put it.
What?
The pain dude, the pain.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Catch!
You coming?
I want to say yeah,
but isn't that weird?
On the contrary my dear.
I've seen your jubblies, I've
see your puss so many times,
it's like wallpaper now.
I won't even notice it.
I've always wanted a
man to say that to me.
- Sexy wallpaper.
- Mm hm, that's better.
Come on!
Live for the thrill!
Gotta?
- No.
- No?
I'm gonna let you have this one.
Okay.
Enjoy the view.
Yep, there he is.
Oh Jesus Cam.
(CAM GROANING)
Yes.
I honestly.
What?
You always think you
have such a great ass
and it's really,
CAM: I do though!
No you don't.
CAM: It's the perfect proportions.
It's fine, it's like a fine
butt, it's not anything great.
CAM: I'm thick and I like it.
Okay.
- Nice, real.
- Got steel fingers over here.
There we go.
- There we go.
- Okay.
(LEIGH YELLING)
We're doing this now, is
that what we're doing.
(CAM YELLS)
(LEIGH YELLING)
(BOTH YELLING)
When I was a little kid, and
my family would go camping,
my Dad before bed would tell
me and my brother these stories
about these two kids on this
planet called Toasteron.
(CAM LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Yeah, it was really
just my brother and me,
and they'd get into all
kinds of trouble you know,
but like Indiana Jones type of trouble.
Like they'd always end up okay.
And I used to pretend
that I couldn't sleep
to have him keep telling stories.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
I used to do that with you.
When you'd scratch my back.
- (LAUGHING) Really?
- Yeah.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
'Cause you were so good at
it and I liked it so much,
I'd just lie and say I wasn't tired.
Do you want me to scratch
your back right now,
is that why you're bringing this up?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- No.
- Okay, turn around.
Sorry.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
CAM: So I think I might
have redemption for our game?
LEIGH: Hm?
CAM: Some girl at another
campsite just checked me out.
LEIGH: You sure she
was checking you out?
CAM: Like 100% sure.
Like bone zone.
All right, show me what she did.
Okay, she was like.
Ah, hi.
Like that.
Was she cute?
CAM: Hello?
I'm not shallow.
Come on.
Okay, yeah she was pretty insanely hot.
LEIGH: All right, good job.
Okay, do I get a point or?
Okay, yes, you get 1,000 points okay.
CAM: Okay, well how many
did you get for rest stop girl?
LEIGH: 1,000 too.
I'm gonna go walk Goose.
LAURIE: Hi, you've reached Laurie,
I can't come to the phone right now
but if you leave a brief
message after the beep,
I will call you right back.
Thanks, have a good day, bye.
LEIGH: Hey, it's me, I'm
sorry that I missed your call.
I was not looking at my phone
which is the point of camping, I guess.
Um, what else do you want to know.
The fire still looks the same.
Camping is still, you
know, the same thing.
Anyway, love you.
I hope you're sleeping right now.
Love you bye.
(GOOSE PANTING HEAVILY)
(LEIGH LAUGHS)
Where the fuck did you
go, his hips are really bad,
you can't walk him for that long.
Okay, relax, I carried
his fat ass half the time.
I didn't know you guys were
going on like an actual hike.
Sorry, should have been more clear.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
What's up dude?
Are you still with that guy?
Who Davis?
What, no!
Ew.
Did you hook up with Davis?
No.
'Cause that'd be, ew.
No, no, the one guy, the
other guy, furniture guy.
- P.T.
- P.T.
Yeah, uh, kind of, I guess, you know.
I don't really know, it's
like a lite thing, you know.
L-I-T-E, relationship lite.
You cool?
I don't know if you had
to call him, or something.
I was texting my Mom.
You know, he seemed really nice,
when I saw you guys at the Kingfish.
Very stately.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Like he could for sure be a politician
if he wasn't such an artist.
Why do you do that?
What?
CAM: You make fun of people
for caring about things,
for being driven.
I don't know.
Probably 'cause I'm not anymore.
What's the plan, for
the rest of the day?
I don't have one.
If you were up here alone,
what would you be doing?
Searching for my soul.
(LEIGH LAUGHS)
No way.
Yeah, Dre had some left
over from Burning Man,
so they gave it to me.
Let's go!
- Right now?
- Right now, yeah.
- Right now.
- Right now.
Okay.
What about Goose?
He'll, nah, he'll be fine.
Right?
LEIGH: Why are you
asking me, he's your dog!
CAM: He's, ah, forget it (laughs).
- Oh!
- Ah ha!
- Woo hoo.
- Welcome to the water place.
(WATER WHOOSHING)
(CAM YELLING)
Ow.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Whoops.
Please don't splash me
that's disrespectful.
(CAM YELLING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(CAM YELLING)
CAM: Yeah!
Come here.
CAM: Okay.
It's a corn graveyard.
You look like a farmer (LAUGHING).
- I am a farmer.
- Nope.
This is all my land.
- We were so intense.
- Yeah (LAUGHS).
- Yeah.
- Hey.
Fire on fire.
LEIGH: Uh huh, yeah.
Fire on fire.
Fire on fire.
- Yeah, on top of more fire.
- More fire.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
I didn't realize I knew you by heart.
I think I'm coming down.
Me too.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
CAM: What.
LEIGH: It ends really cool.
And the dog is where?
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Uh oh.
- Goose!
- Check the tent.
Do you want to check the tent.
- Check the tent.
- Okay.
Oh hey Goose!
No.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Where is he!
I don't know, maybe he's
takin' a bath (LAUGHS)!
Can't just lose Goose come on.
Okay, I'm comin'.
- Hey Goose!
- Goose!
I miss him.
You're not helping!
- I am, Goose!
- Goose.
Goose.
Oh, I can go talk to the ranger.
- Yeah.
- I'll do that.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- Okay, okay, thank you.
Which way are they?
Up, I don't know.
Goose!
(CAM GROANING)
Fuckin' of course.
Fuck!
(GROANS)
WOMAN: Hey, are you looking for a dog?
Yep, the big fat, fuckin' lazy shit.
WOMAN: Is that a pug dog?
Yeah, have you seen him.
Oh, Jamie, it's his dog!
- Oh god.
- good, yay!
He's so energetic!
You scared the crap out
of me you dumb, adorable,
stupid dumb, dumb.
Don't worry, we'll find it,
where was the last time you see it.
It was it our site.
Okay.
Site 53, right, you are site 53?
- 53, yeah.
- Okay, don't worry.
I'm gonna call somebody and
I'll get, oh it's locked, okay.
Can I get you guys
anything as a thank you?
Like we have three bottles
of whiskey if you want one.
We are having a wine
night tonight at our cabin.
We're just gonna open a Rose and talk.
WOMAN WITH LONG HAIR: Sit by the fire
if you wanted to come to that?
You know, yeah.
I would, I would like to do that.
Totally.
All right, take it easy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you too.
- See you later.
- Yeah, see you tonight.
Bye.
Huh.
Okay, so I talked to the ranger.
What?
Where was he?
He's a pimp, he was at
the site with the hot girls.
Oh, my god.
Yeah.
Goose pimp.
Goose pimp.
I can't believe we got him back.
Me either.
What a pimp.
Were the girls pissed?
No, not at all.
They invited us over for wine, actually.
Oh.
- What?
- Nothing.
They just find your dog and
then invite you over for wine.
CAM: Yeah, I guess.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
What ya doin' pal?
(GENTLE MUSIC)
LEIGH: Okay, so I've been writing you
the worst song I could possibly write.
CAM: Oh I'm so excited.
And I'm thinkin' like, picky,
Mm.
And like croony.
Like?
(GUITAR STRUMMING)
Yes.
Oh, so sad.
Yes.
It's a (LAUGHS)
If you could take your art seriously,
that would really be good to me.
It's a beautiful day
to break your heart
(LAUGHING) Yes.
Lookin' past the racks of cold beer
For a brand new start
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
I've missed your face
when you're not around
Really, really good, original.
I know.
Mostly fell from grace
Their angels are on the ground
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Lay your wings
I'm tired of laying down angels
Los Angeles, Los Angeles just smile
(LAUGHING) Wow.
Yeah, that time, it's about
that time I went to Los Angeles
and I had a really profound experience.
Why are you talking about
the things that I wrote?
It's about the time that
I went to Los Angeles.
Oh I own this now.
And I got so high that
I scratched a rental car.
(LEIGH BLOWING)
You comin'?
Nah, I owe my Mom a phone call.
CAM: Okay, well I'll
flip my hair for ya.
Live for the thrill.
CAM: Yeah, it's all I do.
(LAURIE SPEAKING FAINTLY)
Mm hm.
When did that start?
Okay, did you call Dr. Becker?
No Mom, your supposed to call him,
that's what he's there for.
It's like, nothing bad
has actually happened to me,
so like, when I do feel shitty,
it makes it feel less valid.
- I get it.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I get it.
You know what, sometimes I wish
that something bad would
actually happen to me
because I just want to
know if I could handle it.
- Yeah.
- I don't want
to get like Elizabeth Smart-ed
- or anything.
- No.
JANIE: But, something substantial.
I will.
Okay, good night.
(LEIGH SIGHS)
I wish I was a witch.
(FIRE WHOOSHES)
(CAM SCREAMS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oo, you could totally be a witch!
- What?
- You could be a witch.
LEIGH: Yeah, but that
would take so much effort.
Yeah, yeah, yep.
Witch's brew.
My favorite.
Ah.
(FIRE CRACKLING)
Are you afraid to die?
Just you know, it's completely new
and different for every person.
Reached the point where we've felt
all the possible feelings we can feel
and it's the last new thing
we'll ever experience.
You're pretty morbid these days.
I think I've always been.
I think I'm just saying it out loud now.
Plus you kind of have to be
when you're dealing with my mom.
It stops becoming something, you know.
It's like so far away.
And it's just sort of there every day.
It's like a third person in the house.
(LAUGHS)
You don't necessarily
like it, but it's there.
Try as you might to get it out of there,
it will still come back.
That's the thing you know.
It always happens.
It just doesn't happen
this fucking slowly.
It's like watching
someone rot above ground.
(CRYING) Dammit.
Come on.
Witch's dance.
(LEIGH HUMMING SOFTLY)
(CAM WHISTLES)
I went down to St. James
Infirmary
Saw my baby there
She was laying on a cold, hard table
So white, so cold, so fair
MOUTH TRUMPET NOISES:
Doo, doo, dooo
Br, br, br
Br, br, bah
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh.
(FIRE CRACKLING)
No!
Ooh.
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
Okay.
Yeah!
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Good night Bug.
Good night Bug.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(KIDS CHATTERING)
Get it?
You get it.
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Hm.
- Do you get it.
- Oh my god.
Want some coffee?
Sure.
Hi.
I'm Leigh.
Hey girl.
We've heard so much about you.
I'm so sorry about your mom.
That is so hard.
Thank you.
You want some java?
So, how do you two know each other?
We used to date.
Yeah we dated in high school.
High school and college.
Most of college actually.
You guys are so strong, I, I mean,
I could never be friends with my ex.
Oh no.
Every time we see each other we fuck.
(LAUGHING) Fucking Dillon.
I am not a fan of her ex-boyfriend.
I'm gonna go feed Goose,
thank you guys for the java.
I killed the vibe.
No, don't worry about it.
JESS: She is like super intimidating.
I know.
Is she like really sad?
What's goin' on?
Kind of want to get home.
Because of?
My mom has this cough
and I think it's gonna turn
into pneumonia or something.
Okay, when did she get the cough?
I don't know.
Says she's had it for a few days.
Weren't you with her a few days ago?
Yeah, must not have heard it.
What's up Leigh.
LEIGH: Nothing.
Just don't really see
the point in staying.
Okay.
Why?
Can't we like hike or something?
We still have a whole pint of guacamole.
LEIGH: I don't really
want to sit around
and eat condiments with you Cam.
You seemed fine doing that yesterday.
Also, guacamole's not a condiment!
I paid for this whole trip, right?
You're just a ride along.
No, fuck that, that's
absolutely not fair.
Okay, what do you want to
do, O Captain my Captain?
The love of my life.
My faithful, faithful friend.
Don't bring that up.
It's just that you
leaving me this morning,
to go hang out with two dumb sticks
felt pretty goddamn familiar.
You don't know me anymore Leigh.
(LAUGHS) I just thought
that I mattered a little bit more to you,
you know, not just a fucking
sympathy play for pussy.
Why the hell am I here?
Because I saw you on the street.
Really?
I can't say that I
missed you, or I wanted,
you don't get to win like that.
CAM: It's not about winning.
(LEIGH LAUGHS SOFTLY)
You know why you feel okay saying that?
It's because you won.
You wrecked me Cameron.
You shattered me.
And now, you get to go and tell the tale
of your sorry little ex-girlfriend
and her dying mommy to
Marabel and Agnes over there.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(KICKING SINK)
(LEIGH WHIMPERING)
Hey.
Hi.
I get told all the time I'm too forward.
Don't worry about it.
Well, I'm pretty intuitive
and I could tell you
were kind of mad right?
I, uh, I don't really think
that I was trying to hide that.
Um, well, I'm sorry.
I'm not mad at you.
I don't even know you.
I can still be sorry.
That doesn't make any sense.
I really do hope your mom gets better.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Thanks.
I'll see you later?
(PEOPLE SPEAKING FAINTLY)
I can rent Cabaret from the
library when I get back.
You want to?
Okay.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(CAM GROANING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
When I was young I had no answers
Always coming up for air
Always cutting my own hair
But I'm running into doors now
Because you are not around
Naked in the night with
the water falling down
I am falling down
You push me
I am the boulder
Spin me out of control
Cause I cannot handle
Gettin' older
So tumble me down, down, down, down
Hey, I'm at a loss for words again
CAM: Shit.
And it's only cause I
think I've reached the end
CAM: Think we forgot anything?
And do we have to settle down?
Guess it doesn't
really matter either way.
CAM: Yeah.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Well, um.
Yeah.
Yep.
(LEIGH LAUGHING SOFTLY)
Thanks.
Yeah, no problem.
Thank you.
Yeah, hm.
No worries.
(BOTH LAUGHING SOFTLY)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
You push me I am the boulder
Spin me out of control
'Cause I cannot handle getting older
So tumble me down, down, down, down
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
(LEIGH LAUGHING)
(LEIGH CRYING SOFTLY)
(LEIGH LAUGHS SOFTLY)
You dead?
Yes.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(LEIGH LAUGHS SOFTLY)
I went down to St. James Infirmary
Saw my baby there
Stretched out on a long white table
So sweet, so cold, so fair
Let it go, let it go
God bless her
Wherever she may be
She can search the
whole wide world over
And she'll never find
a man quite like me
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
You push me, I am the boulder
Spin me out of control
'Cause I cannot handle gettin' older
So tumble me down, down, down, down
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Why do we have to face
this in our lives?
Are we running out of time?
Oh, oh
Buh, buh, buh
Are we running out of time?
I don't know why
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh