Pierre Jackson (2018) Movie Script
1
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away, uh-oh
I see it with my eyes closed
The vision's real clear
As he whispers in my ear
"Let go the fear"
As he digs a little deeper
There goes a tear
'Cause I feel it in my soul
I'm outta here
The devil got me on an RSVP list
A lot of people here said
I wouldn't be shit
On to the next thrill
Reality check
Jet straight to the bank
Reality check
I'm digging through my own thoughts
Could it be my own fault?
Demons that we all fought
Love that we all sought
I never let 'em
Hold me back
Take what I want like they owe me that
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away
Uh-oh
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away
Uh-oh
Thought this shit was
gonna last forever.
Huh!
My mistake.
- Damn.
- I must have had my eyes closed
My allies were rivals
And niggas lose wives over side ho's
Thinkin' we goin' crazy over titles
Knew his ass was mine
When he was quotin' from the Bible
The devil got me on an RSVP list
A lot of people here said
I wouldn't be shit
On to the next thrill
Reality check
Jet straight to the bank
Reality check
Let a nigga skate
And they go loopy on you
I tell 'em kick tush
Like I didn't know you
Never thought I'd leave
But I had to show you
I gained a new me and lost an old you
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away, uh-oh
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away...
Long time, big dawg.
You know me, just workin' on workin'.
How long you in town?
Yeah? When you tryin' to get together?
Hey, tonight is perfect. It's perfect.
No, because me and Rodney,
we have this VIP section
at the Red Star Lounge.
Ah, it's a nice little spot, man.
Nice little intimate...
It's like a Buddha Lounge.
Good music, a little jazz, R&B,
you know, light music.
Good food...
Oh, and the women...
Oh, man.
Got some of the best women
in Chicago come through.
W-Well, things have changed
since the last time I talked to you, man.
Yeah, Dana and I are going
through that little divorce.
I really don't wanna talk about it, but...
Yeah, it's going on eight months now,
but trust when I tell you...
I am so much in a better place.
Trust me.
So, with that being said,
you should not bring
your wife out tonight.
Leave her in the hotel.
No, it's just the guys going out.
Just me, you, and Rodney.
My man.
You can't get away for two hours?
Two hours?
All right, look,
I'm gonna text you the address.
If you can come through,
we would love to see you.
If not, we'll see you tomorrow.
All right, okay, big dawg. Yeah.
- Who that was?
- It's your boy Brian, man.
Ho, man!
We ain't heard from him in years!
- A minute, right?
- Wow, yeah.
Yeah, he's in town
on business, you know,
but the man brought his wife.
- Who does that?
- Who does that?
- Why would you do that?
- Why would you do that?
- I don't... It's ridic--
- You know what?
I take that back,
I do know who does that: you.
'Cause I can think of a few occasions
where you took wifey on business trips.
Okay, okay, well, that was then.
This is now.
- Not doing that no more, right?
- All right, all right. Okay.
It's the new you. All right.
But you know he not
coming out tonight, right?
Probably not, but more for us,
you know how we do.
Yeah, and it was crackin' last week, man.
It was poppin' last week.
And tonight it's gonna be even poppin'-er.
- Poppin'-er?
- Poppin'-er.
That means more poppin'
than the last time, man.
It's gonna be on!
- You're a wild boy, man.
- Shit, that's what I'm sayin', bro.
Oh, speaking of which, man,
I'm taking a test...
for the state broker's license
this weekend, man.
You know how hard that test is, man?
You sure you're ready for it?
Yeah, yeah, look, eh, listen.
I did the webinars, the seminars,
the reading, the Googling,
and everything else, man.
I'm ready!
Besides, bro, I didn't quit
the police force
just to start real estate and fail, man.
And we gotta talk
about that partnership, too.
Hey, I'm your best sales agent.
Have been since day one, man.
And you said, once I get my license,
we'd discuss the partnership, remember?
Open up a second office,
I'd fix it up, I'd run it.
- That's what we were doin'.
- Okay. Right. You're right.
So get your license.
Maybe we'll talk about it.
Oh, that's happening Saturday, bruh.
Yeah?
Well, till that mystical, magical,
majestical day happens,
you still work for me.
Yeah, that's right, I do work for you.
Speaking of which,
I had a closing this morning,
and I'm heading out for a double closing.
Yeah. You know what, y'all need to start
calling me "the closer" around here.
Because I close shit...
even more than you, bruh.
- Oh, more than me?
- Yes.
Okay. All right, well, look, man.
I do want you as a partner, okay?
It's not like I don't.
All right, and you are my man and you are
my top salesman, that's true.
So why would I not want you as my partner?
But you gotta get your license, man,
okay, and when that happens,
I promise you, seriously, we will talk.
- My man.
- Get your license.
- I'll see you tonight.
- All right, big dawg.
Hey!
It'll be like Santa Claus in there.
Ho ho ho! Ha!
Puttin' them ho's in the bag, man.
Honey, I'm home.
How you doin'?
I would be better if I didn't
have to wake up
and clean your clothes
off my living room floor.
I gave you the guest room.
Why don't you sleep in there?
Because I told you that that mattress
hurts my back,
and I like to sleep with the TV on;
there's no TV in there.
I am not gonna keep cleanin' up after you.
You know?
When are you moving out?
- You really upset?
- Yeah. You think I'm joking?
Look, I told you, the attorney said
I cannot buy any more property
until after the divorce.
How many times I gotta tell you that?
Yeah, well, I keep hoping
that the answer changes.
- I'm hoping it does, too.
- Yeah!
You know what, you're taking this
"best friend" thing a little too far.
- I'm not, I'm sorry.
- Yes, you are.
You have another best friend: Rodney.
Matter of fact, why don't you go back
there and move with your mama?
- My mama?
- Yeah, your mama will take you back.
- She'll put up with this mess.
- What do I look like
- living with my mama, huh?
- Huh.
As far as Rodney goes,
you know, he never cleans up.
Look who's talking.
Look, this is an experimentation thing.
I'm trying to see how it is to live
and not do nothin'.
- No, come on, stop, stop!
- See, see how that happen?
- You know you love me.
- No, I don't, I can't stand you.
- You love me.
- No.
- And I'm leavin' out again tonight.
- Really?
Yeah, well, the life
of a flight attendant.
Wow. So the life
of a flight attendant, huh?
Yeah, well, you know.
So when you gonna be back?
I don't know, but in the meantime,
I need you to clean up my house
- and stop playing.
- Okay, okay.
- Hey, pony tail, knock it off.
- Whatever.
Yeah. I'm gonna clean up.
I'll have it all done before the time
you fly out, all right?
Pierre, come on, stop playing.
- I'm serious, I'll get it, all right.
- All right. I gotta get outta here.
All right, get up outta here.
See you when you get back.
- Damn, you smell good!
- PLP.
- Eh?
- Hey!
- Hey, man!
- Oops. Man, I'm just sayin'.
Ohh!
- Country wealth, I can't take him nowhere.
- Mm!
Ooh! Ah, hey!
It is a lot of ladies
in here tonight, man.
- Yeah, there is.
- Hella women in here tonight, man.
So many women in here, I'm already
looking forward to next week.
- Hey!
- You and me both, dawg, it's a nice spot.
Hey, I think I'm gonna
take me home two tonight.
Maybe even three.
Yeah, two or three's not bad,
but all I need is that one right there.
Where, who? What you talking about?
See that short little hot pocket
at the bar?
Ooh, man,
she look like watermelon.
I like watermelon.
- Yeah, I like it too.
- Mmm!
Man, I might have
to get that first, though.
You gonna get that one first,
the one I saw come through the door first?
- What?
- Huh?
Let me show you how this is done, man.
Uh, waitress...
Waitress.
See that woman right over there?
That little beige dress,
little sexy somethin'?
Get her a bottle of whatever she wants.
Let her know it's from me.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
- Sure think so. Look at this.
- Ooh, man!
- That works here?
- Golly! Man!
Boy.
Eh, but a whole bottle, though?
- Yeah.
- Trippin', man.
What happened to one drink at a time?
'Cause we got money now, man.
I'm trying something a little different,
a little classy, and...
she hasn't looked over here all night,
so that's gonna make her look over here.
Unless she's a drunken, selfish...
"All right, thank you."
Just keep on drinking.
I'd get her one drink,
get her over here, and get her out.
Boom, bam, bing.
That's how I'd do.
You got money now, man.
Why you so cheap?
I ain't cheap, man.
You too nice.
That was your problem in your marriage.
That's why you got played, man.
Okay, you're right,
but the joke is on her.
'Cause she can't get around
that prenup, understand?
I'm not talking
about the money, man,
I'm talking about the fact
that she cheated on you, bro.
You got played.
Damn, you're right,
but that won't happen again.
All right, 'cause now I just date 'em.
I let 'em know up front what it's
gonna be, and that's what it's gonna be.
- So you're just in and out.
- In and out.
- Like the burger...
- The burger joint.
What's up, my boy?
Mm!
Mm! Oh. See what I'm saying?
Look at that.
- Yeah.
- That's what I'm talking about.
Thought we'd come over here and share.
Mm. Well, I'd like to share with you two.
- Is that right?
- That is right.
I'm just... saying what I mean,
that's all.
- I like that.
- Oh, you like that?
I do.
Okay, all right, okay.
All right.
Do you mind giving us a moment, please?
I want you to come back, though.
Ahh. Yeah, you wearin' that.
Oh... Hi, big red.
Big red!
- Come on over here, girl!
- Big red in the building and...
Tall stick of gum. Mm.
- Raquel.
- Raquel.
All right, what you get?
See what you chose, huh?
Oh, my... Mmm.
Mm, you know my daddy own Nestl Crunch.
- But I've got the best bar in my pocket.
- Waitress.
Hey, I told her my daddy
owned Nestl Crunch
and I got a special candy bar
for her in my jeans.
Hey, look.
- Can I get four glasses, please?
- Oh, my God, Lord! Ohh!
- She got a lot, man.
- Oh, my God.
- Get one more for you, too.
- Yeah.
I want you to join us.
- Hey, it's crackin' in here, huh?
- Yeah, it is.
- Big red, like fire. Like the devil.
- Okay, I see.
Good morning, sunshine.
Good morning, sunshine.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
- Oh, what...
- Ahh.
What's all that?
I figured I'd fix you up a little
something before you go to work.
- Really?
- After all that liquor we drank.
Well, thank you for that, but I just...
can't eat that right now.
- I got a headache. Oh!
- Hmm.
- I have the perfect thing for that.
- No, no.
So, you mean to tell me
you don't want another dose
of the surprise
I had for you last night?
Oh, a surprise, huh?
Uh-huh.
Something like that.
What was that?
So you don't remember?
You know, honestly,
I don't remember anything.
I don't remember how much I drank,
what happened.
So, you don't remember my friend
being here with us last night?
- That girl in the red?
- Uh-huh.
And where is she?
I had to put her out
in the living room on the sofa.
She was snoring too loud.
I already had to deal with your snoring.
- Oh, I was snoring.
- Yeah, you were snoring.
Okay.
- But I can go get her, if you want me to.
- You know what, that's quite all right
'cause, like I said,
I have to get to work.
So, why don't you and your girl
get your things?
I have to get to work.
So maybe we'll hook up again later?
I do remember saying
this was a one-time thing.
You said "No strings."
You said nothing about one time.
Well, that's pretty much the same thing.
- That's okay.
- Okay.
- I'm cool with that.
- You're cool with that?
I had a good time.
And it was well worth it.
Well, I'm sure it was well worth it.
Oh, you're sure about that, huh?
Well, yeah, I mean, if a woman makes
a man some... some flapjacks...
- Yeah.
- ...cheese eggs and a little bacon...
- Hooked that up.
- I did a damn thing, too.
Yes, Pierre Jackson.
It was amazing.
- Bye.
- Goodbye, short-stack.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's your name?
- Really?
- No, no disrespect.
I told you I don't remember
anything, right?
- Raquel.
- Raquel.
- Don't forget it, either.
- I'll try not to, Ms. Raquel.
- Bye, Pierre.
- All right, Raquel.
Wait... make sure she leave.
Man, I cannot believe
you got to go home
with both of them, man.
Big red was s'posed to be with me,
old pill-head heifer.
Hey... My apologies, man.
Little short-stack brought her through.
I mean, I don't know, man.
I don't even remember what happened.
You don't remember anything, man?
- No.
- I would have remembered everything, dawg,
even if I was drinking
much as you was, huh.
I'm feeling this right now, man.
It's like, it's just bad, man.
I mean, they had me, we were smokin' weed,
they had some molly.
- Ohhh!
- And, you know,
- never did that before.
- Hey, man.
Know what I'm saying?
If it wasn't for this meeting, man, today,
I'd have stayed in the bed, bruh.
Man, man, man, man, man.
Bruh... Damn.
Hey, listen, man, I don't know
how much you was drinkin',
but you was knockin' 'em down
left and right, man.
- Mm.
- You might wanna slow down
a little bit on the Goose.
Oh, really? Oh, okay,
because I had a little cognac,
had the Goose for the women,
so now you sayin'... I'm a alcoholic.
Hey, listen, I ain't sayin' all that,
but what I'm sayin' is,
when you wake up in bed
with two bad broads
and you don't remember how they got there
or what you did,
it might be time to slow down
on the liquor, man.
Especially nowadays, man.
These little broads be slick, man.
You never know.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right, but...
I don't think so with these two.
Nigga. You don't remember
anything that happened.
What do you mean,
you think it was cool, bro?
Eh, listen, that alone,
that you don't remember nothing,
lets me know that they could have slipped
something in your drink or anything, man.
No, no. Because little short-stack
made me breakfast, man.
She made me some pancakes
with cheese eggs.
- Cheese eggs, those hash browns...
- Oh, yeah, that is...
I do remember that,
you know what I'm saying, so--
And, when everything was over
and I finished eating, I said,
"I gotta go to work," there was no drama.
They just packed up and left.
They ain't try to stay, like,
"Why can't I stay and chill?"
They left, man. It was good.
- Man, I done created a monster.
- Yeah.
You're a monster.
Monster that don't remember, but hold on.
Yeah, what's up, Karen?
Mrs. Jackson is here to see you.
Are you serious?
Mm-hmm.
- What's she doing here?
- Yeah, man.
Man, you know I ain't seen her
since... I left, man.
- Hmm-mm.
- Let her know I'll be there.
I'm coming out.
No problem, Mr. Jackson, I am going
to head out also; talk to you soon.
All right.
Tell Karen I'll be out there, too.
Gonna see what she's talkin' about.
You better watch what kind of ho's
you sleep with, man.
Sound like they pussy was bad and bougie.
What is it, Dana?
Pierre.
You're looking good these days.
What are you doing here?
You don't have to be so candid.
Look, I need to talk to you.
Okay.
Talk to my attorney.
- Look--
- Get your hands off of me.
Ohh!
You're so cute.
I'm just trying to speed up this divorce.
It'll just take five minutes.
Five minutes.
So you contest the prenup by saying
you signed it under duress.
That was clever.
Not true, of course, as you know,
but clever.
You really do look good.
Different, I may add, but...
you look good.
I came here in person because
you haven't taken any of my calls.
Good, so we can get
to the bottom of this divorce now.
- I'm getting to that.
- You've got five minutes to get to that.
First I wanna know, when did you become
playboy of the millennium?
- What are you talking about?
- I've been hearing about you turning up
every Tuesday
at the Red Star Lounge.
Oh, now you're spying on me.
I don't have to spy on you.
I know people who hang out there, too.
- So?
- So, I would think that you would wait
until our divorce is final
before seeing other people.
Oh, really?
And why would I do that?
'Cause you didn't wait, did you?
Huh? What I thought.
I know I messed up really bad this time,
and I'm sorry for hurting you.
I can never take back what I did,
but can we at least try to be cordial?
Under the circumstances,
this is as cordial as it's gonna get.
Oh, please.
So, you have, uh, three minutes.
Get to this divorce.
I know you missed me, Pierre.
And now I know you missed me.
Hey, stop, all right?
- Not today, it's not gonna work.
- What won't work?
You trying to come on to me.
It's not going to work.
- It's not gonna happen.
- I know you still love me, Pierre.
And as I said,
I can never take back for cheating on you.
But can you just make love to me
this one time?
Oh, sit down, sit down!
I wanna make you understand
the magnitude
of why I'm done with you, okay?
Now, we said we were
soulmates, right?
Each other's everything.
That one in a million.
From the ninth grade when I saw you,
I said, "I wanna marry her."
And I did. And it took me
through years of drama.
With your lies, manipulation.
Because I was so in love with you.
Had to act like it wasn't happening.
Or just dealt with it,
'cause I loved you so much.
But to go to my house, in my bed,
to see my wife...
Look at me!
Sucking...
Look at me
when I'm talking to you!
Sucking dick.
So all this rage and all this anger
I have for you,
that has replaced that love.
And I don't care about you no more.
I really don't.
And since you're not
coming here for the divorce...
I'll see you in court.
Fine, Pierre, I'll go.
You're probably
sleeping with Phenix, anyway.
She was always in love with you, right?
- I'll see you in court.
- No, I'll see you in court.
Ah, that's good shit.
Good shit, congratulations, big dawg.
See... that is when you lose with me.
Ending transaction.
Hey, bestie!
Hey-hey-hey!
I see my house still looks
a hot-ass mess.
Well, as you also can see,
I'm cleaning up, right?
Huh?
You look like you haven't
cleaned up since I left.
It seems like
the more and more I clean up,
the more and more... gets messed up.
But...
Yeah, you know what,
I can't with you right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower.
Well, take your shower.
Look like a fake ass
Catch Me If You Can.
Shut your mouth, negro.
Clean up my house.
- Yeah.
- Get off my couch.
Anyway...
No, not for the hype.
I love Westbrook before all that.
'Cause he's harassin' the assassins,
like Jordan, Iverson, Kobe.
Really, P, you've been having
sex in my bed?
Let me call you back, bro.
Yeah, call whoever
you were talking to back.
And don't lie because she left
her stink-ass scent in my robe.
You let her put my robe on, too?
- I didn't even know she wore underwear.
- Oh, you think this mess is funny.
You gonna get this sauce
on your couch, woman.
You know what,
and it's gonna go right along
with all the other spots
that you done left in there.
You are a pig!
You're starting to remind me of Rodney
with all these "thots".
- What is wrong with you?
- Nothing's wrong with me.
Yeah, there is something wrong with you
'cause you ain't never acted
like this before.
Anyway...
Oh, you just gonna ignore--
You just gonna ignore me?
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Nope, nope, nope, nope.
We... are going to spend
some time together
because, since you decided
to stay here tonight
and I never get a chance
to spend time with you,
I am going to go in the kitchen,
I'm going to grab some shot glasses
and that bottle of tequila
that I've been saving,
and you are gonna get some stuff
off of your chest.
- How about that?
- Okay, all right. Yeah.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
And if you turn on that TV,
I will turn off the cable,
so just go on and sit your behind right
back down 'cause you know that I will.
Well, hurry up, then.
Third quarter's about to start.
All right.
Sit your butt down.
Mm.
A'ight. This is about
to be your fourth shot.
Yep!
Ugh, I have nowhere to go...
and neither do you.
So...
Hmm, bottoms up.
- A'ight.
- Okay.
- Mm!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, whoo!
Hey, hey, slow down,
that fourth one's gonna do you in.
You ain't drink this much
in a long time.
Uh, yep, nope!
Nope, yep, see?
But I am feelin'...
really good right about now.
- And you lookin' really good.
- Thank ya... You know...
it feels so good to be in my home,
like, not flying.
- Whoosh! You know?
- Finally.
Well, you got this big-ass house
and you've been gone, so...
I'm gonna enjoy it for you.
Well, that's why I'm selling it.
- Now, see, that's just mean.
- No, I'm just, I'm just... Well, I'm...
But really, no, serious... I'm play--
I'm playin', but I'm serious.
But no, I'm gonna sell the house
and I'm gonna...
go back to school.
When you decide this?
I just been...
It's been a long time coming.
It's just, um...
I need a career change, you know, and...
I mean, look at me.
I have no life.
You know, I don't have a husband,
I don't have kids.
I mean, don't you think
I should start thinking about that?
Not really. There's no rush for that.
Look what I've been through.
I've been loyal to that woman
for 20 years, married.
- Now I'm going through a divorce.
- Hmm.
So there's no rush.
Husband and kids...
doesn't make a happy home.
It's the individual, right?
Yeah.
But... at least you, like...
took a shot, you know what I mean?
At least you have a life
and you try, you took a shot.
Shot, huh? Some shot.
Now look at me: like I said,
going through a divorce.
So pretty much...
I'm back to square one...
which puts us in the same boat.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess you are.
Mm! Speaking of which...
your girl came by my office.
Man.
Oh, yeah? What she want?
Well, it's not what she wanted,
it's actually what she said
that's been, uh, on my mind all day.
Hmm. What's that?
She said that she feels that you are
in love with me.
And she feels you always have been.
Why would she say something like that?
I don't know, but...
you know, she always hated the fact
I called you my best friend.
And so she figured
once she and I got married
that she would be my best friend.
Nah.
She's not.
It's always been you.
And, you know, the truth is...
your wife should be your best friend.
- That's true.
- She just wasn't the right wife.
Now, that's true.
Absolutely.
You're right about that.
I have a confession.
Hey, it's...
- Mm.
- Slow down, slow--
Dana was right.
I am in love with you.
You... You okay?
Shhh...
Wow.
Please!
Hey, you decent?
Come in.
Hey. Just checking on you.
- Yeah...
- How you feelin'?
You were right...
I shouldn't have took all those shots.
It wasn't the shots, it was
that bottle you took to the head.
I told you.
Yeah. Whatever it was,
it doesn't feel good.
I didn't eat that much.
Well, we got that pizza downstairs.
You want me to warm it up?
No. I'll... I'll...
- No, I just...
- Go slow, go slow.
I just, uh...
I just need to sit here for a moment
and I'll get it together.
- All right.
- I'm okay, I'm sure.
So, do you remember what you said
in the kitchen?
I remember exactly what I said.
So you remember that you said
that you were in love with me?
But then you just...
walked on away, you remember that?
I know. It's just...
I knew that I laid some heavy shit on you.
And... you needed some time
and I did, too.
Okay, so...
you remember saying that
you were always in love with me?
- Huh?
- Well, not always.
- Well, that's mean.
- No, I'm just...
It was around that time
in the eighth grade
when you came to my rescue and...
beat up Derrick for me
'cause he pushed me.
- I did it with pizzazz, huh?
- Oh... Yeah.
Man don't mess with you.
I mean, you whooped him so bad,
you made me feel sorry for him.
- Oh, you felt sorry for him?
- I felt sorry for him.
Anyway... So is that when you started
to fall in love with me?
It was when I started looking
at you differently
and then by the time I got
to freshman year...
I was fully in love with you.
Now, why didn't you say anything?
Because by the time I finally got
the nerve to say something,
you introduced Dana as your girlfriend
and the rest is history.
There were so many times
you guys broke up.
I wanted to say something then
but you kept running back to her,
and I just... had to protect my heart
and I, I just... suppressed it.
Now it makes sense.
Now I understand.
Well, uh... for my confession...
- You said eighth grade, right?
- Yes.
I've been in love with you
since the second grade.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Yeah, from the first time I saw you...
I said, "She's the prettiest girl
in the school."
You said I was the prettiest girl?
I still do.
And what makes you so well rounded,
even now, is that you're not
stuck up or arrogant...
- Like Dana.
- Yeah. Yeah. Like Dana.
Yeah.
So... So you never wanted
to try anything with me?
Yeah, I wanted to have sex
with you, absolutely.
- I did...
- Jesus.
But I respected our... our friendship.
And it would have messed that up.
You were truly the best friend I ever had.
So... nah...
Nah.
You know I feel the same way.
I love you.
I love you too.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, so, I mean,
where do we go from here, huh?
I would love to answer that...
Okay.
...but I got tequila coming up.
You need me to come hold your hair?
All right, I'm here for you. Here I come.
Ugh! Okay... You can do it.
Couple more steps, you'll make it.
You can do it, you can do it,
you can do it, you can do it...
Jeez! It's so bright.
Aha, welcome to the world.
Yeah...
Oh!
How you feeling there, sunshine?
Oh, don't even use the word "light."
It just makes me wanna puke.
Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
You pretty much threw your whole life up
last night, trust me.
Oh! It doesn't feel like it.
Feels like I still have some left in me.
Yeah, don't worry about that now.
So, you get that in you
for some balance...
Take this, that'll make you feel better.
- What is that?
- Oh, that's ginger root.
Fresh ginger root tea.
It's great for hangovers.
Got you a Danish here, absorbs alcohol.
Danish? Who eats Danish after having
a hangover and puking?
So, you ain't had no toast, no, uh,
no pancakes, no biscuits.
- You get what you get.
- Well... thank you.
Got a little fruit here, and, uh...
There you go.
Yeah, I took off work.
So I can take care of you.
- You didn't have to do that.
- I know.
But the way you were
throwin' 'em back last night...
Ugh...
I knew you were gonna need
somebody to take care of you, so...
Told Rodney and Karen to take care
of everything, and I'm here.
- I appreciate you.
- I know.
You know, it has me... has me thinking.
What about?
I've been thinking about us.
- Yeah.
- Okay, what about?
It had me thinking,
where would we be right now
if we knew what we knew now
about each other then,
you know what I mean?
Hmm.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
And since I know now
that the feeling is mutual...
I wanna see where we can go from here.
I mean, that's if... if you want to also.
Well, I mean, Pierre...
Your behavior lately has me wondering,
like, are you really ready
to have anything with me?
I mean, all these "thots" you've been
running in and out of my bedroom.
You have to know they don't
mean anything to me. Right?
I know that, but...
in a way, that's kind of irrelevant.
I've just never seen you...
sleep with so many women at one time.
What has gotten into you?
I mean, why now?
I don't know, I guess I'm afraid
to be hurt again.
You know, after 20 years
of being loyal to Dana,
and she does what she does,
I don't want anybody
to be close to me again, you know?
So, I see Rodney doing it,
dating various different women.
He having a good time, so... I try it.
You know that's not me, though.
'Cause I was married that long.
And if I'm gonna let anybody
ever get close to me again,
for me to be vulnerable again...
I'm gonna take a chance with you.
That's if you wanna take a chance with me.
You really mean that?
Every word.
Well, uh... you know you're gonna
have to date me first.
Oh, I gotta date you first.
Ah-ha-ha-ha.
You gonna have to date me, I'm serious.
Okay, all right, well,
we can start dating tonight.
Where do you want to go?
I just wanna go back to bed.
- We can have the first date in your bed.
- Hey-hey-hey-hey!
Can we start tomorrow?
Can we go on a date then?
Date tomorrow night.
You decide.
Yes. And...
just so you know...
we're not having sex until
you get that divorce with Dana,
so don't even try it, kid.
- What part of the game is that?
- Uh... you heard me.
And just so you know, too,
ain't no sex with big, bad,
and bougie bitches, either.
- I can't have no bad and bougie bitch?
- No.
What if they're good and ghetto?
Or light-skinned and luscious?
Ain't no more of bringing them bitches
over here at my house.
I mean, look, after I'd hurt my back
lifting you up all those stairs,
I would think you'd give me something.
- Whatever. Anyway.
- Well, give me a place to sleep in.
Thank you for, uh,
taking care of me this morning.
Trying to take care of you, girl.
Good night.
"Good and ghetto," I like that.
I like that.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
No more tequila for me,
I'm drinking this water.
- How are you guys doing here?
- Oh, just fine.
- I think I'm done with this.
- Thank you.
-Did you wanna get dessert, anything?
- We've got crme brle.
- No, no, I'm fine, thank you so much.
Everything was wonderful.
Can you believe she was gonna fight me
over that parking space?
Well, you did just pull right in.
You know you was wrong for that.
You knew she was waiting
for that parking space.
No, excuse me, first of all,
we both pulled in at the same time.
Now, I could have let her go,
but I was having a good time with you.
Um, I wasn't gonna say anything, but...
she been giving us the stink eye
the whole entire night.
I feel like she gonna, like, try to cut us
or something when we go back to the car.
No, she better not.
Damn sure she better not.
Doesn't matter. I'm just enjoying
my time here with you.
- So am I.
- Right?
Yeah. You know, this is like...
this is like our first, like...
Why you giggling with
the little dimples, huh?
Because it's... our first official date.
- First official one.
- What?
But, you know, there's more surprises
I have for you.
- Yeah?
- If you up to it.
Well, what is it?
Now, how is it a surprise if I tell you?
Huh?
So I guess I have to wait, don't I?
- I guess you're gonna have to.
- Whoa.
That's for damn sure.
Well, what I am going to do...
So, what you gonna do?
I am actually gonna go powder my nose...
Want me to come in there with you?
- You know you want me to go with you.
- You are so silly.
- Huh?
- But when I return...
you're gonna take me on that adventure.
- I am.
- Yeah.
- I got that surprise.
- Mmm.
'Cause I got that big surprise for you.
- You do?
- Yes, I do.
You're bad.
Mm-hmm. ...with your sexy self.
- Don't be checking out my ass, either.
- I can't help it 'cause I want it.
With your sexy Tweety Bird-lookin' self.
See anything interesting on the menu
you wanna try tonight, babe?
I see something very interesting
but it's not on the menu.
Yeah. It all looks so good,
but I don't know what to choose.
Yeah. Well, order the grilled salmon
and asparagus for me.
- Okay.
- Excuse me, I'm going to the ladies' room.
- All right, don't you get lost.
- Oh, please.
Well, well, well.
This bitch.
So, Dana, you have nothing better to do
than to stalk me at this restaurant?
Actually, I do have better things to do
and I was doing it.
So let me take a wild guess,
you're here with my husband, aren't you?
Uh, yeah, you know that I'm here
with your soon-to-be ex-husband.
- So what?
- So you finally got him, huh?
Hmm.
You've always wanted him,
and you know it.
Always hanging around him,
all up in his ass.
Oh, Phenix, my sloppy seconds?
Oh, girl.
You can't find your own man?
My own man?
Well, see, Dana, the way that you have men
running in and out of you,
you think that every man is your man...
and don't be mad at me because
you weren't woman enough to keep him.
Correction. He wasn't man enough
to keep me.
I lost interest first.
Oh! So you think that
cheating on your husband...
who worked his ass off to give you
the life that you wanted, was the answer.
You know, I will never understand
what he saw in you.
And by the way, I have to say...
he is all man enough to keep me.
So I guess you been
screwing my husband for...
...for God knows how long.
You know, you are funny,
and you're a selfish bitch.
You had him under your thumb
and he was willing to do anything
and everything for you,
but you messed it up,
so don't be mad at me
because he's finally able to move on.
Hell, you practically stood here
and said that you don't want him,
so the question that I have for you is...
why do you even care?
Exactly. I don't have time for this.
But what I do have time for
is your husband.
Enjoy.
Oh, bitch.
You need change, sir?
Mm. No, you've been great.
Thank you so much.
- Hey, babe, you ready?
- Baby, Dana's here.
- What?
- So you have been sleeping with her.
You're in no position
to ask me anything, woman.
How long have you been
screwing her, Pierre?
- You don't know what you're talking about.
- I'm not talking to you, Phenix.
- You're making a scene.
- I don't care.
I'm not sure what my attorneys
would do with the information
that you've been cheating on me
with Phenix for years,
but we'll just have to wait
and see, won't we?
We won't. Let's go.
I'm not stupid, Pierre.
Hey! You okay? I've been looking
all over the restaurant for you.
I'm fine.
So you're gonna bring this mark,
a dude that you were sucking off
in my bedroom,
you're gonna question me?
Huh?
PJ.
My man, it's not about you, all right?
So if you value your life,
I suggest you go in the other room.
A'ight?
Baby, I gotta take a call anyway.
I'll be at the table.
His soft ass.
A mark ass, let's go.
Enjoy your night.
What y'all looking at?
What's on your mind?
You haven't said one word to me
since we left the restaurant.
I do remember saying
this was a one-time thing.
I'm taking a test
for the state broker's license.
What are you doing here?
Look, I need to talk to you.
I'm not gonna sit here and have
a conversation with myself.
- I'm going to bed.
- Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop.
I'm sorry I let her ruin our night.
I don't want you to go.
P...
Look, if we're gonna have
any kind of a chance,
you gotta stop letting her get to you.
You've been doing the same thing
since high school.
You have to stop letting her win.
I'm not letting her win.
You know, it's just that...
everything she's been taking me through,
the courts and all that,
she's just always trying to get to me.
Trying?
It looks like she's winning.
I guess you're right.
Hey...
You know if she messes with you,
she messes with me.
I'm 'bout to go to bat for you,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Like she messes with you,
she messes with me.
She got me over here losing my voice.
I'm hoarse over this, man.
- But you know what I'm sayin'?
- I know you're crazy, so...
Yeah. I am crazy.
- Yeah.
- Crazy about you.
Really?
I'm crazy about you, too.
You sure?
I'll show you, come here.
Come here.
I'm sorry, all right?
Hey, I love you.
I love you.
- I love you, too.
- Yeah?
Man, I ate too much, man,
but this Crazy Hog is good as hell, bruh.
You know, I should have got a to-go thing
for Phenix, but she loves to cook, so...
Still can't believe
you're hittin' that.
Will you respect
my relationship, man?
- Ahh! I thought I heard you two.
- Yeah.
That back office is really
coming together, by the way.
- Nice.
- Yes, it is.
So, Karen, I have any messages?
No, unfortunately you don't, but, uh...
- Mr. Rodney Chase...
- Oh!
...has two.
Hey-hey! I love the chase.
We just came from eatin'.
There's some wings.
I like mine bone-in.
How do you like your bone?
Oh. In.
- She like it in.
- Okay, all right.
She like it in.
You look like a yellow... black Lemonhead.
Remember those candies?
Liked to eat 'em in the back of class,
throw 'em in the air, whoosh...
right in my mouth.
I could probably pop you in my mouth.
Why don't you toss yourself in your office
and get on those calls?
You can't take a joke.
- I'm just joking.
- Go to the office.
My man.
- Young lady.
- Yes.
- No fraternizing, okay?
- Okay.
All right, so, finish
what you're doing here,
let's go in the back,
there's the conference room.
- Okay.
- Let's knock that out, all right?
Oh, Mr. Jackson, you did get a package.
A'ight... Okay, so...
finish up, see you in the back. Okay?
Gotcha. Done.
Bone in, huh?
Yeah, that's professional.
No.
Hey, Rod. Rod.
- Huh?
- Come here.
What's up?
Hey, what's up?
I got this package, man.
There's no postage,
no return address...
but it's made out to me.
I don't think I should open it.
Shit, man, I'll open it.
Hey, hey, hey, man, you're the one
who told me, don't trust Dana, right?
Man, she ain't that crazy, man.
Now, what you jumping up, hiding for?
Watch your scary ass.
There ain't no bomb in here.
Sit y'all tall, light-skin ass down, man.
I'm just saying be careful.
We don't know what that is.
Man, you are trippin'.
You know, that's what's wrong with you.
Light skin, that's the light-skin genes
you got in you, man.
Y'all built different, bruh.
Soft around the edges.
See what you got...
See that? No bomb.
Okay, so what's in there?
- Ooh, whee.
- Uh-huh.
These two are gorgeous.
Let me see that.
These two! Look at that.
That's them two chicks you bagged
after the club that one night.
Yeah, I remember them.
Yeah, little hot pocket.
Hey. Hey, uh...
What's that?
You need to read this.
Check this out, bro.
Wow.
"Pierre, the photos are
to refresh your memory of us
from several weeks back.
I assume delivering this news in person
may not go over too well,
so I'll just get to the point.
Your one night of pleasure
with me and Tiffany has made you...
a father of two."
They're saying
they're six weeks' pregnant.
"And enclosed are two separate
pregnancy tests as proof."
Hey, man, they peed on that.
Just put that back, man.
Man, they fine. I drink their bath water.
A little pee never hurt nobody.
- What's wrong with you, man?
- I don't know.
- Something's wrong with you.
- It is.
"We're both willing to take another test
to prove to you again,
but bottom line is we need to talk.
Whenever you're ready,
you can reach my cell...
at 312..."
Blah-blah-blah.
"We'll be waiting for your call.
Raquel."
- Wow, bruh.
- No, man, this can't be possible, man.
See, actually, it can be possible,
because I remember you told me
you didn't remember anything that night.
Yeah. You're right.
Right, and see, that's what makes me mad
'cause I really can't remember, man.
I mean, getting two women pregnant
at the same time?
I mean, how can I tell Phenix that? Huh?
It's over, right?
I mean, if this is true, it's over.
Well, you know what?
Let's not jump to conclusions.
- We don't even know if this is true.
- But what if it is? That's the point.
- Huh?
- Listen, what you need to do is
you need to make 'em go to the hospital,
get 'em checked out,
- and you need to go with them.
- I'm not going nowhere with them.
They come here to my office.
We'll take the test right here.
I'm not going anywhere with them.
Hey...
I'm just gonna call 'em.
- Man.
- Yeah.
See what she got to say.
Give 'em a call, man.
And you need to let them have it, too.
Like call them all out, you gotta
scare 'em, you know what I mean?
Don't-- Hey, let 'em have it.
Hey, Raquel. Yeah, it's Pierre.
Got your package,
received your letter.
Want you and your girl to meet me
in my office in about an hour.
All right. You can do that? Okay.
So I'm gonna text you the address.
What the hell was that, man?
You ain't even say nothin'.
'Cause I wanna get them both here,
look 'em in the eyes.
'Cause I don't believe this is true, man.
They wouldn't even come and tell you
straight to your face that they pregnant.
Why you think they're gonna
come down here, man?
'Cause they sent that package.
They want something.
So I can guarantee you they will be here.
You want me to hang around,
wait for them to come? Stay with you?
Nah, man, just, uh...
- Can you do something with that?
- What you want me to do with it?
I don't know, just put it up somewhere.
Like I say, don't throw it away, though.
I might need it for some evidence.
I ain't been through this before.
- I gotta figure this out.
- I know what to do with it.
Gimme... gimme the pictures.
Let me get those.
I know what to do with them.
My man.
This is serious.
Don't judge me.
Everybody has their vices.
Do not judge me.
He who has two women pregnant
at the same time.
'Cause I like to smell
a little pee from time to time,
you gonna go get
all heavenly on me, nigga...
So, what'd you say about your girl?
She's not coming at all?
Tiffany, she's not feeling well
and couldn't make it, but I'm here.
Yeah, okay, well... if both of you are
claiming to be pregnant,
then both of y'all should be here.
Well, I couldn't make her come,
and like I said, she's sick.
The baby's not allowing her
to hold any food down.
- She ain't been to work in like three--
- Okay, okay.
Well, I definitely want you all to take
a test, that's for damn sure.
- And we're willing to.
- All right.
But when it come back positive,
then what?
You know, God knows
I'm not ready for this.
I'm pretty sure you two
aren't either, but...
I like you, we had a good time,
so, we wanna all try to make this work
like Three's Company, we can or...
wanna just do the co-parent thing,
we could do that, too.
So if these seeds are mine, I'm letting
you know I'm gonna take care of them.
- Unless...
- Unless what?
Unless you're willing to work out a deal.
What kind of deal?
Tiffany and I are willing
to get rid of them.
And you can forget
that any of this ever happened.
- Hmm.
- But it's gonna cost you.
- Oh, it's gonna cost me.
- Yeah.
Okay. How much is it gonna cost me?
- Ten thousand dollars.
- Jeez.
- Each.
- Oh, okay.
Part of the money we'll use
to get rid of the problem.
And you won't hear from us again.
Well, listen to this,
I'm gonna help you out.
First of all, I don't believe
in abortion, okay?
And secondly,
no abortion costs $10,000.
- I said part of the money.
- Oh.
- You just said you wasn't ready for this.
- I'm not.
- Make up your mind.
- If you wanna have an abortion,
take yourself down to the Free Clinic
or Cook County Hospital.
Otherwise you can sign
the parental rights over to me,
and those are my seeds,
I will take care of both of them.
- That's not gonna happen.
- Oh, it's not gonna happen?
- That's not gonna happen.
- Why it's not gonna happen?
- 'Cause it's not.
- 'Cause it's bullshit, that's why. Yeah.
You'd rather kill the child
than give it up for adoption?
So if you wanna keep this charade
going on, make an appointment with Karen,
okay, and bring the tests back
when y'all are ready.
Look, I'm not gonna go back and forth
with you about this.
- You ain't gotta do nothing.
- We'll be in touch.
You ain't gotta touch me;
touch yourself, short-stack.
- Whatever.
- Yeah, whatever.
These bitches, man...
Wait till I tell Rodney this shit.
Ten thousand dollars.
Ten g's.
- Hey.
- Heyyy!
- Smells good in here.
- Yeah!
How you doin'?
Why, what you makin'?
Oh, well, I got some steaks
in the oven...
- Okay.
- ....and I got a little salad.
I got a little dessert for us.
You got a lot of everything.
I do?
I wanna thank you
for making all this food.
I'm getting a little bigger now,
I'm gaining weight.
Looks good on you.
But it is good, so I thank you...
for what you do, I appreciate you.
Well, you deserve it
and I like doing it, so...
Yes! I love it.
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
So, how was your day?
Uh, it was interesting, to say the least.
Possibly life-changing,
which is why I need to talk to you.
Okay, all right.
Well, I am listening.
Uh, I need your undivided attention.
So can we go sit down, please?
Okay.
Everything okay?
Well, let's talk about it.
You know how we said we would
always be fully transparent...
with each other
and tell each other everything?
Yeah.
Because we're best friends.
You know I love you, right?
Of course I do. I love you--
What is going on?
You're kind of freaking me out
a little bit.
I'm just gonna... just go right into it.
I had a threesome with these two ladies
and they're claiming
I got both of them pregnant.
And, uh...
I'm sorry.
Pierre Jackson, are you kidding me?
I mean...
You didn't use protection?
Did you do this mess in my bed?
- I don't...
- Wow!
And I'm sorry, Phenix.
I really am.
How irresponsible can you be?
Look, I... I'm sorry.
Phenix, I really am.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
If it's true...
I'm gonna take care
of my responsibilities.
But more importantly, I need...
...you to be by my side.
I need you to help me through this.
I can't do this by myself.
And despite everything...
these babies didn't ask to be here.
So... if they are mine...
I'm gonna take care of them.
You know I don't believe in abortion.
I would never ask you
for an abortion-- abortions.
I'm not that selfish.
I know.
And ironically, uh...
one of the girls came to my job.
And, uh, she proposed that I give her
and the other girl $10,000 apiece
and they would have an abortion.
- What?
- Yeah.
Well, I told them,
I don't believe in abortion.
And if they want to sign over
their parental rights, then...
then I would take care of them,
the babies.
So... you're talking about
taking care of two kids...
by two different women.
You're not even ready to be a father.
I know, I know,
and I'm not ready for any of this.
I know, but if they're mine,
what choice do I have, right?
But I need you there with me by my side.
I can't do this alone.
I'm terrified.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Phenix, please...
don't leave me.
Okay?
I know this is hard...
but I need you.
I just wanna smack the shit out of you.
You are so lucky
that we have been friends this long.
'Cause I don't know any other woman
who would stand here
and stick by you
through all this bullshit.
S-So you're gonna stay?
Oh, but, see, this is why,
see, that's why...
that's why I love you.
Not just because of this.
That's why I'm in love with you,
'cause you've had my back since day one.
I'm sorry.
But I do have some good news.
Yeah?
What's that?
Dana and her attorney
finally agreed to the mediation.
That's great.
And I want you there, okay?
I would love to be there, but, uh...
all of us in the same room,
you already know how crazy that is.
Nah, don't worry about that.
You with me now, okay?
She has to understand that.
- Yeah.
- So, will you come?
To be honest, I really... I can't.
I... I have those meetings
with the schools and everything,
I have two interviews.
I can't cancel them.
I know, I know, school is...
it's important.
It's important to you, so, uh...
I understand.
But I'll be here.
When you get home.
Thank you.
I do not want to agree
to their settlement.
I got you.
All right, I'm ready.
Now we can get started.
Dana, no matter what,
you're not budging, correct?
Hmm-mm.
Okay, so now that I have intake
on your relationship
and I've gone over
the financial agenda checklist,
quite obvious as to how this can
drag out in court even longer.
That is, if we can't come to some sort
of agreement here today.
My final suggestion is that I take
Mrs. Jackson and Mrs. Brown
over to another room where Mr. Jackson
remains in this room with his attorney.
I would then go
from one room to the other
to speak with each party individually.
I will offer settlement suggestions,
including negotiations.
Are we all on board with that?
- You on board with that?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I'm fine with that.
- Good.
I will allow a half an hour break
for each of you to consult with counsel.
So, Mrs. Jackson, Mrs. Brown,
if you could just follow me.
- Okay.
- Wait, wait, hold up a sec.
Can, um, I have one moment
with my wife, please?
- Why, Pierre?
- Please, okay? Just for a moment.
Wait, are you okay with this?
Yes, I'm fine.
- Thank you.
- Five minutes.
Okay, five minutes.
I can guarantee it will be less than that.
- What's this about, Pierre?
- This is about you.
What are you doing? Huh?
I've given you everything.
You have both houses, both cars.
You have my boat.
The alimony that I gave you
that's conducive to your lifestyle.
But you wanna keep this up.
Right?
Okay...
I want you to read this.
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you.
"Pierre, I'm so sorry to bother you,
but I just had to let you know,
we're not pregnant.
We met Dana through mutual friends
and she hired us to bribe you.
The club, the threesomes,
the fake pregnancies...
everything was all her.
She's been having you followed
ever since you left her
and she knows your every move."
Yeah. Familiar, isn't it?
"She was sure you would go for us to get
rid of the babies and give up the money.
She also agreed that if you did,
we could keep half.
But when you didn't go for it, she got mad
and reneged on what she was
supposed to pay us
if things fell through with you.
I wanted to hit you with this now
because I knew y'all had mediation today,
so, I'm blowin' that bitch cover.
So use this to your advantage
and let your attorney see this text.
You will win, trust me.
I can even speak with him if you'd like.
I'm sorry for this, Pierre.
Plus, I don't like nobody
messing with my money."
I can exhale now.
Game is over.
So... I'm gonna help you out, though.
We can handle this one of two ways.
The easy way or the hard way.
So you agree to my terms.
By the time I get to my car
and smoke my cigar...
or me and little shorty
doo-wop short-stack there
will just go to the authorities.
What do you say?
Huh? Take your time.
Okay, time is up.
What do you say?
- I'll agree to whatever you want.
- Whatever I want?
Do you have a choice?
Do you? No.
Offer you can't refuse, right?
Just tell your attorney that you had
a change of heart.
And when this is all over with...
don't come around me and Phenix again.
Just email us, send a homing pigeon,
or something.
We'll get back to you.
You can leave now.
What a day.
- Thanks, baby.
- You're welcome.
God, it's so pretty out here.
- It's nice out.
- It is.
You know
what I was just thinking?
What's that?
She had it all.
I mean, she had both the cars...
both the houses.... the boat...
Hey, you should have kept the boat.
I should have kept the boat.
But, you know, we'll get another one.
But...
She got a problem.
She really has a problem.
She's greedy.
Yeah, she is.
At least we don't have to worry
about that no more.
Hey, going on with the second half
of our lives.
Mm-hmm. Finally.
But you know what, I... whew...
I'm so glad I dodged that bullet...
...didn't get those women pregnant,
you know?
I'm sorry, that's the last time,
I promise you, but I had to get one more.
- No, I deserve that, I deserve it.
- One more time...
- This is the one time you can do that.
- And I promise that's the last time.
- That's it, I'm done.
- No, I deserve that.
Because... whoo, that'd have been tough.
But you were really... whoo!
Whew!
- But you had my back, huh?
- Yeah, I mean...
- You were really gonna squab with Dana.
- Yeah, I was about to fight Dana,
talkin' about I was all up in your ass,
yeah, mm-hmm,
'cause I was about to be
all up in her ass, but I was cool.
I kept it calm, I was good.
- 'Cause you had my back.
- Haven't I always?
I've always had your back.
And because of that...
when this divorce is over...
finally...
Miss Phenix Summers...
I wanna marry you.
Would you marry me? Huh?
With your little dimples.
Look at you.
- Yes, I'll marry you.
- Really?
It's what I've always wanted
since the second grade.
See, like they say,
men take a little longer to grow,
but I realize now how much I need you
and how much I love you.
How much you been there for me,
how much you support me,
and how much I support you and...
and I don't wanna be without you.
Come here.
Come here.
We're going inside.
I did get her husband.
You're such a bad girl.
Oh, God, I'm bad.
That's all right.
Poor Dana.
Closer!
Argggh!
Come out and claim it!
There we go, right there!
- Welcome back, bruh.
- What's up, big dawg?
It's hard to get on that plane, man,
but it's good to be back.
Yeah, you must have had a ball 'cause
y'all been gone for like a month, man.
That's the longest honeymoon ever, bruh.
After all that drama, Phenix and I needed
to get away, center ourselves, man, so...
- Yeah.
- Good times, man.
Yeah, good time in that ass every night,
just rrrrrr!
- Rrrrrr!
- Hey, that's my wife.
- Oh, okay, right.
- So that's not appropriate.
- No, it's not.
- So how's everything been going?
- Yo, everything's going good, man.
- Really?
Kim and Karen out right now
checking out properties.
- Okay.
- All your mail, packages and everything
is sitting on your desk, and I got
a couple of guys coming over later
to, you know,
tidy up some things around here, man.
- Okay.
- I've been handling business, bruh.
And I've been closing, you know how I do.
- So you been closing.
- Yeah.
- "Sold by the closer."
- SBC.
- "Sold by me."
- SBM.
- Know that's unprofessional?
- It is professional.
- The people wanted my autograph.
- "Home of the closer"?
- We're gonna take all this down.
- Hey, it's my house.
- I knew you was gonna like that one.
- So, to see if you're well-rounded,
you can open up something
and do it up from there.
- What's this, man?
- Just open it.
All right.
Oh.
You... you purchased another building?
Yeah. What else it say?
You for real, man?
Congratulations, partner.
- Oh, ho ho ho!
- Yeah.
- Thanks, man-- I mean, partner.
- Partner.
So we close next week
so you and I will go into particulars
about the partnership, all the paperwork,
but... it's all you, man.
Whoo-whoo! Hey! Hey, yo.
This calls for a celebration, man.
- And Tuesday night, let's hit the club.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, about that.
It is Tuesday?
- Huh? Yeah.
- However...
I'm retired, man.
- What?
- Yeah, man, but we can still celebrate.
Come by the house, we'll have Phenix
whip up some dinner, make some drinks,
anybody you wanna bring.
We still could do that.
Nobody wanna come
to your old punk-ass crib!
What are you talkin' about?
That's how we doin' it now?
Sittin' across from you, man,
with them damn Michael Ealy eyes!
Hey, listen, man.
I'm never gettin' off.
I love the love train.
I'm gonna ride it till
the wheels fall off, bruh.
As you should, man, as you should.
Choo-choo!
Ha ha!
Uh... For real though, man,
I appreciate you, though, for real.
- Hey.
- Sho', man.
You deserve it, you did it. You got your
license, you've been boomin'...
We're gonna take this down,
but I'm proud of you.
Man. What? You ain't takin' nothin' down.
Hey, I've been handling
business around here, bruh.
- I'm great.
- Hey, babe.
That's Rodney, I'm at the office.
Gave him the good news.
Yeah.
Huh?
What, the honeymoon's not over, huh?
Okay.
Well, I'm on my way home now.
I don't have to wait here.
Oh, you wanna come to the office?
No, babe, Rodney's still here.
So you're trying to tell me you don't care
if he walks in and sees us?
Little freaky self, you know that's why
I love you.
You got a fantasy?
You gonna be...
bring a girl to the office.
That's my fantasy, too!
We got so much in common.
That's why I love you, babe.
Hurry. Go, go, go!
Front door.
Yeah, hold on.
- You say anything?
- No, I didn't say nothin'.
- Who was that?
- What?
- Uh, let me know when Karen gets back.
- Okay, I will.
- All right.
- Bye, man.
Hey, baby.
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away, uh-oh
I see it with my eyes closed
The vision's real clear
As he whispers in my ear
"Let go the fear"
As he digs a little deeper
There goes a tear
'Cause I feel it in my soul
I'm outta here
The devil got me on an RSVP list
A lot of people here said
I wouldn't be shit
On to the next thrill
Reality check
Jet straight to the bank
Reality check
I'm digging through my own thoughts
Could it be my own fault?
Demons that we all fought
Love that we all sought
I never let 'em
Hold me back
Take what I want like they owe me that
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away
Uh-oh
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away
Uh-oh
Thought this shit was
gonna last forever.
Huh!
My mistake.
- Damn.
- I must have had my eyes closed
My allies were rivals
And niggas lose wives over side ho's
Thinkin' we goin' crazy over titles
Knew his ass was mine
When he was quotin' from the Bible
The devil got me on an RSVP list
A lot of people here said
I wouldn't be shit
On to the next thrill
Reality check
Jet straight to the bank
Reality check
Let a nigga skate
And they go loopy on you
I tell 'em kick tush
Like I didn't know you
Never thought I'd leave
But I had to show you
I gained a new me and lost an old you
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away
I gotta get away, uh-oh
I gotta get away
I gotta, I gotta
I gotta move on
I gotta get away...
Long time, big dawg.
You know me, just workin' on workin'.
How long you in town?
Yeah? When you tryin' to get together?
Hey, tonight is perfect. It's perfect.
No, because me and Rodney,
we have this VIP section
at the Red Star Lounge.
Ah, it's a nice little spot, man.
Nice little intimate...
It's like a Buddha Lounge.
Good music, a little jazz, R&B,
you know, light music.
Good food...
Oh, and the women...
Oh, man.
Got some of the best women
in Chicago come through.
W-Well, things have changed
since the last time I talked to you, man.
Yeah, Dana and I are going
through that little divorce.
I really don't wanna talk about it, but...
Yeah, it's going on eight months now,
but trust when I tell you...
I am so much in a better place.
Trust me.
So, with that being said,
you should not bring
your wife out tonight.
Leave her in the hotel.
No, it's just the guys going out.
Just me, you, and Rodney.
My man.
You can't get away for two hours?
Two hours?
All right, look,
I'm gonna text you the address.
If you can come through,
we would love to see you.
If not, we'll see you tomorrow.
All right, okay, big dawg. Yeah.
- Who that was?
- It's your boy Brian, man.
Ho, man!
We ain't heard from him in years!
- A minute, right?
- Wow, yeah.
Yeah, he's in town
on business, you know,
but the man brought his wife.
- Who does that?
- Who does that?
- Why would you do that?
- Why would you do that?
- I don't... It's ridic--
- You know what?
I take that back,
I do know who does that: you.
'Cause I can think of a few occasions
where you took wifey on business trips.
Okay, okay, well, that was then.
This is now.
- Not doing that no more, right?
- All right, all right. Okay.
It's the new you. All right.
But you know he not
coming out tonight, right?
Probably not, but more for us,
you know how we do.
Yeah, and it was crackin' last week, man.
It was poppin' last week.
And tonight it's gonna be even poppin'-er.
- Poppin'-er?
- Poppin'-er.
That means more poppin'
than the last time, man.
It's gonna be on!
- You're a wild boy, man.
- Shit, that's what I'm sayin', bro.
Oh, speaking of which, man,
I'm taking a test...
for the state broker's license
this weekend, man.
You know how hard that test is, man?
You sure you're ready for it?
Yeah, yeah, look, eh, listen.
I did the webinars, the seminars,
the reading, the Googling,
and everything else, man.
I'm ready!
Besides, bro, I didn't quit
the police force
just to start real estate and fail, man.
And we gotta talk
about that partnership, too.
Hey, I'm your best sales agent.
Have been since day one, man.
And you said, once I get my license,
we'd discuss the partnership, remember?
Open up a second office,
I'd fix it up, I'd run it.
- That's what we were doin'.
- Okay. Right. You're right.
So get your license.
Maybe we'll talk about it.
Oh, that's happening Saturday, bruh.
Yeah?
Well, till that mystical, magical,
majestical day happens,
you still work for me.
Yeah, that's right, I do work for you.
Speaking of which,
I had a closing this morning,
and I'm heading out for a double closing.
Yeah. You know what, y'all need to start
calling me "the closer" around here.
Because I close shit...
even more than you, bruh.
- Oh, more than me?
- Yes.
Okay. All right, well, look, man.
I do want you as a partner, okay?
It's not like I don't.
All right, and you are my man and you are
my top salesman, that's true.
So why would I not want you as my partner?
But you gotta get your license, man,
okay, and when that happens,
I promise you, seriously, we will talk.
- My man.
- Get your license.
- I'll see you tonight.
- All right, big dawg.
Hey!
It'll be like Santa Claus in there.
Ho ho ho! Ha!
Puttin' them ho's in the bag, man.
Honey, I'm home.
How you doin'?
I would be better if I didn't
have to wake up
and clean your clothes
off my living room floor.
I gave you the guest room.
Why don't you sleep in there?
Because I told you that that mattress
hurts my back,
and I like to sleep with the TV on;
there's no TV in there.
I am not gonna keep cleanin' up after you.
You know?
When are you moving out?
- You really upset?
- Yeah. You think I'm joking?
Look, I told you, the attorney said
I cannot buy any more property
until after the divorce.
How many times I gotta tell you that?
Yeah, well, I keep hoping
that the answer changes.
- I'm hoping it does, too.
- Yeah!
You know what, you're taking this
"best friend" thing a little too far.
- I'm not, I'm sorry.
- Yes, you are.
You have another best friend: Rodney.
Matter of fact, why don't you go back
there and move with your mama?
- My mama?
- Yeah, your mama will take you back.
- She'll put up with this mess.
- What do I look like
- living with my mama, huh?
- Huh.
As far as Rodney goes,
you know, he never cleans up.
Look who's talking.
Look, this is an experimentation thing.
I'm trying to see how it is to live
and not do nothin'.
- No, come on, stop, stop!
- See, see how that happen?
- You know you love me.
- No, I don't, I can't stand you.
- You love me.
- No.
- And I'm leavin' out again tonight.
- Really?
Yeah, well, the life
of a flight attendant.
Wow. So the life
of a flight attendant, huh?
Yeah, well, you know.
So when you gonna be back?
I don't know, but in the meantime,
I need you to clean up my house
- and stop playing.
- Okay, okay.
- Hey, pony tail, knock it off.
- Whatever.
Yeah. I'm gonna clean up.
I'll have it all done before the time
you fly out, all right?
Pierre, come on, stop playing.
- I'm serious, I'll get it, all right.
- All right. I gotta get outta here.
All right, get up outta here.
See you when you get back.
- Damn, you smell good!
- PLP.
- Eh?
- Hey!
- Hey, man!
- Oops. Man, I'm just sayin'.
Ohh!
- Country wealth, I can't take him nowhere.
- Mm!
Ooh! Ah, hey!
It is a lot of ladies
in here tonight, man.
- Yeah, there is.
- Hella women in here tonight, man.
So many women in here, I'm already
looking forward to next week.
- Hey!
- You and me both, dawg, it's a nice spot.
Hey, I think I'm gonna
take me home two tonight.
Maybe even three.
Yeah, two or three's not bad,
but all I need is that one right there.
Where, who? What you talking about?
See that short little hot pocket
at the bar?
Ooh, man,
she look like watermelon.
I like watermelon.
- Yeah, I like it too.
- Mmm!
Man, I might have
to get that first, though.
You gonna get that one first,
the one I saw come through the door first?
- What?
- Huh?
Let me show you how this is done, man.
Uh, waitress...
Waitress.
See that woman right over there?
That little beige dress,
little sexy somethin'?
Get her a bottle of whatever she wants.
Let her know it's from me.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
- Sure think so. Look at this.
- Ooh, man!
- That works here?
- Golly! Man!
Boy.
Eh, but a whole bottle, though?
- Yeah.
- Trippin', man.
What happened to one drink at a time?
'Cause we got money now, man.
I'm trying something a little different,
a little classy, and...
she hasn't looked over here all night,
so that's gonna make her look over here.
Unless she's a drunken, selfish...
"All right, thank you."
Just keep on drinking.
I'd get her one drink,
get her over here, and get her out.
Boom, bam, bing.
That's how I'd do.
You got money now, man.
Why you so cheap?
I ain't cheap, man.
You too nice.
That was your problem in your marriage.
That's why you got played, man.
Okay, you're right,
but the joke is on her.
'Cause she can't get around
that prenup, understand?
I'm not talking
about the money, man,
I'm talking about the fact
that she cheated on you, bro.
You got played.
Damn, you're right,
but that won't happen again.
All right, 'cause now I just date 'em.
I let 'em know up front what it's
gonna be, and that's what it's gonna be.
- So you're just in and out.
- In and out.
- Like the burger...
- The burger joint.
What's up, my boy?
Mm!
Mm! Oh. See what I'm saying?
Look at that.
- Yeah.
- That's what I'm talking about.
Thought we'd come over here and share.
Mm. Well, I'd like to share with you two.
- Is that right?
- That is right.
I'm just... saying what I mean,
that's all.
- I like that.
- Oh, you like that?
I do.
Okay, all right, okay.
All right.
Do you mind giving us a moment, please?
I want you to come back, though.
Ahh. Yeah, you wearin' that.
Oh... Hi, big red.
Big red!
- Come on over here, girl!
- Big red in the building and...
Tall stick of gum. Mm.
- Raquel.
- Raquel.
All right, what you get?
See what you chose, huh?
Oh, my... Mmm.
Mm, you know my daddy own Nestl Crunch.
- But I've got the best bar in my pocket.
- Waitress.
Hey, I told her my daddy
owned Nestl Crunch
and I got a special candy bar
for her in my jeans.
Hey, look.
- Can I get four glasses, please?
- Oh, my God, Lord! Ohh!
- She got a lot, man.
- Oh, my God.
- Get one more for you, too.
- Yeah.
I want you to join us.
- Hey, it's crackin' in here, huh?
- Yeah, it is.
- Big red, like fire. Like the devil.
- Okay, I see.
Good morning, sunshine.
Good morning, sunshine.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
- Oh, what...
- Ahh.
What's all that?
I figured I'd fix you up a little
something before you go to work.
- Really?
- After all that liquor we drank.
Well, thank you for that, but I just...
can't eat that right now.
- I got a headache. Oh!
- Hmm.
- I have the perfect thing for that.
- No, no.
So, you mean to tell me
you don't want another dose
of the surprise
I had for you last night?
Oh, a surprise, huh?
Uh-huh.
Something like that.
What was that?
So you don't remember?
You know, honestly,
I don't remember anything.
I don't remember how much I drank,
what happened.
So, you don't remember my friend
being here with us last night?
- That girl in the red?
- Uh-huh.
And where is she?
I had to put her out
in the living room on the sofa.
She was snoring too loud.
I already had to deal with your snoring.
- Oh, I was snoring.
- Yeah, you were snoring.
Okay.
- But I can go get her, if you want me to.
- You know what, that's quite all right
'cause, like I said,
I have to get to work.
So, why don't you and your girl
get your things?
I have to get to work.
So maybe we'll hook up again later?
I do remember saying
this was a one-time thing.
You said "No strings."
You said nothing about one time.
Well, that's pretty much the same thing.
- That's okay.
- Okay.
- I'm cool with that.
- You're cool with that?
I had a good time.
And it was well worth it.
Well, I'm sure it was well worth it.
Oh, you're sure about that, huh?
Well, yeah, I mean, if a woman makes
a man some... some flapjacks...
- Yeah.
- ...cheese eggs and a little bacon...
- Hooked that up.
- I did a damn thing, too.
Yes, Pierre Jackson.
It was amazing.
- Bye.
- Goodbye, short-stack.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's your name?
- Really?
- No, no disrespect.
I told you I don't remember
anything, right?
- Raquel.
- Raquel.
- Don't forget it, either.
- I'll try not to, Ms. Raquel.
- Bye, Pierre.
- All right, Raquel.
Wait... make sure she leave.
Man, I cannot believe
you got to go home
with both of them, man.
Big red was s'posed to be with me,
old pill-head heifer.
Hey... My apologies, man.
Little short-stack brought her through.
I mean, I don't know, man.
I don't even remember what happened.
You don't remember anything, man?
- No.
- I would have remembered everything, dawg,
even if I was drinking
much as you was, huh.
I'm feeling this right now, man.
It's like, it's just bad, man.
I mean, they had me, we were smokin' weed,
they had some molly.
- Ohhh!
- And, you know,
- never did that before.
- Hey, man.
Know what I'm saying?
If it wasn't for this meeting, man, today,
I'd have stayed in the bed, bruh.
Man, man, man, man, man.
Bruh... Damn.
Hey, listen, man, I don't know
how much you was drinkin',
but you was knockin' 'em down
left and right, man.
- Mm.
- You might wanna slow down
a little bit on the Goose.
Oh, really? Oh, okay,
because I had a little cognac,
had the Goose for the women,
so now you sayin'... I'm a alcoholic.
Hey, listen, I ain't sayin' all that,
but what I'm sayin' is,
when you wake up in bed
with two bad broads
and you don't remember how they got there
or what you did,
it might be time to slow down
on the liquor, man.
Especially nowadays, man.
These little broads be slick, man.
You never know.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right, but...
I don't think so with these two.
Nigga. You don't remember
anything that happened.
What do you mean,
you think it was cool, bro?
Eh, listen, that alone,
that you don't remember nothing,
lets me know that they could have slipped
something in your drink or anything, man.
No, no. Because little short-stack
made me breakfast, man.
She made me some pancakes
with cheese eggs.
- Cheese eggs, those hash browns...
- Oh, yeah, that is...
I do remember that,
you know what I'm saying, so--
And, when everything was over
and I finished eating, I said,
"I gotta go to work," there was no drama.
They just packed up and left.
They ain't try to stay, like,
"Why can't I stay and chill?"
They left, man. It was good.
- Man, I done created a monster.
- Yeah.
You're a monster.
Monster that don't remember, but hold on.
Yeah, what's up, Karen?
Mrs. Jackson is here to see you.
Are you serious?
Mm-hmm.
- What's she doing here?
- Yeah, man.
Man, you know I ain't seen her
since... I left, man.
- Hmm-mm.
- Let her know I'll be there.
I'm coming out.
No problem, Mr. Jackson, I am going
to head out also; talk to you soon.
All right.
Tell Karen I'll be out there, too.
Gonna see what she's talkin' about.
You better watch what kind of ho's
you sleep with, man.
Sound like they pussy was bad and bougie.
What is it, Dana?
Pierre.
You're looking good these days.
What are you doing here?
You don't have to be so candid.
Look, I need to talk to you.
Okay.
Talk to my attorney.
- Look--
- Get your hands off of me.
Ohh!
You're so cute.
I'm just trying to speed up this divorce.
It'll just take five minutes.
Five minutes.
So you contest the prenup by saying
you signed it under duress.
That was clever.
Not true, of course, as you know,
but clever.
You really do look good.
Different, I may add, but...
you look good.
I came here in person because
you haven't taken any of my calls.
Good, so we can get
to the bottom of this divorce now.
- I'm getting to that.
- You've got five minutes to get to that.
First I wanna know, when did you become
playboy of the millennium?
- What are you talking about?
- I've been hearing about you turning up
every Tuesday
at the Red Star Lounge.
Oh, now you're spying on me.
I don't have to spy on you.
I know people who hang out there, too.
- So?
- So, I would think that you would wait
until our divorce is final
before seeing other people.
Oh, really?
And why would I do that?
'Cause you didn't wait, did you?
Huh? What I thought.
I know I messed up really bad this time,
and I'm sorry for hurting you.
I can never take back what I did,
but can we at least try to be cordial?
Under the circumstances,
this is as cordial as it's gonna get.
Oh, please.
So, you have, uh, three minutes.
Get to this divorce.
I know you missed me, Pierre.
And now I know you missed me.
Hey, stop, all right?
- Not today, it's not gonna work.
- What won't work?
You trying to come on to me.
It's not going to work.
- It's not gonna happen.
- I know you still love me, Pierre.
And as I said,
I can never take back for cheating on you.
But can you just make love to me
this one time?
Oh, sit down, sit down!
I wanna make you understand
the magnitude
of why I'm done with you, okay?
Now, we said we were
soulmates, right?
Each other's everything.
That one in a million.
From the ninth grade when I saw you,
I said, "I wanna marry her."
And I did. And it took me
through years of drama.
With your lies, manipulation.
Because I was so in love with you.
Had to act like it wasn't happening.
Or just dealt with it,
'cause I loved you so much.
But to go to my house, in my bed,
to see my wife...
Look at me!
Sucking...
Look at me
when I'm talking to you!
Sucking dick.
So all this rage and all this anger
I have for you,
that has replaced that love.
And I don't care about you no more.
I really don't.
And since you're not
coming here for the divorce...
I'll see you in court.
Fine, Pierre, I'll go.
You're probably
sleeping with Phenix, anyway.
She was always in love with you, right?
- I'll see you in court.
- No, I'll see you in court.
Ah, that's good shit.
Good shit, congratulations, big dawg.
See... that is when you lose with me.
Ending transaction.
Hey, bestie!
Hey-hey-hey!
I see my house still looks
a hot-ass mess.
Well, as you also can see,
I'm cleaning up, right?
Huh?
You look like you haven't
cleaned up since I left.
It seems like
the more and more I clean up,
the more and more... gets messed up.
But...
Yeah, you know what,
I can't with you right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower.
Well, take your shower.
Look like a fake ass
Catch Me If You Can.
Shut your mouth, negro.
Clean up my house.
- Yeah.
- Get off my couch.
Anyway...
No, not for the hype.
I love Westbrook before all that.
'Cause he's harassin' the assassins,
like Jordan, Iverson, Kobe.
Really, P, you've been having
sex in my bed?
Let me call you back, bro.
Yeah, call whoever
you were talking to back.
And don't lie because she left
her stink-ass scent in my robe.
You let her put my robe on, too?
- I didn't even know she wore underwear.
- Oh, you think this mess is funny.
You gonna get this sauce
on your couch, woman.
You know what,
and it's gonna go right along
with all the other spots
that you done left in there.
You are a pig!
You're starting to remind me of Rodney
with all these "thots".
- What is wrong with you?
- Nothing's wrong with me.
Yeah, there is something wrong with you
'cause you ain't never acted
like this before.
Anyway...
Oh, you just gonna ignore--
You just gonna ignore me?
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Nope, nope, nope, nope.
We... are going to spend
some time together
because, since you decided
to stay here tonight
and I never get a chance
to spend time with you,
I am going to go in the kitchen,
I'm going to grab some shot glasses
and that bottle of tequila
that I've been saving,
and you are gonna get some stuff
off of your chest.
- How about that?
- Okay, all right. Yeah.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
And if you turn on that TV,
I will turn off the cable,
so just go on and sit your behind right
back down 'cause you know that I will.
Well, hurry up, then.
Third quarter's about to start.
All right.
Sit your butt down.
Mm.
A'ight. This is about
to be your fourth shot.
Yep!
Ugh, I have nowhere to go...
and neither do you.
So...
Hmm, bottoms up.
- A'ight.
- Okay.
- Mm!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, whoo!
Hey, hey, slow down,
that fourth one's gonna do you in.
You ain't drink this much
in a long time.
Uh, yep, nope!
Nope, yep, see?
But I am feelin'...
really good right about now.
- And you lookin' really good.
- Thank ya... You know...
it feels so good to be in my home,
like, not flying.
- Whoosh! You know?
- Finally.
Well, you got this big-ass house
and you've been gone, so...
I'm gonna enjoy it for you.
Well, that's why I'm selling it.
- Now, see, that's just mean.
- No, I'm just, I'm just... Well, I'm...
But really, no, serious... I'm play--
I'm playin', but I'm serious.
But no, I'm gonna sell the house
and I'm gonna...
go back to school.
When you decide this?
I just been...
It's been a long time coming.
It's just, um...
I need a career change, you know, and...
I mean, look at me.
I have no life.
You know, I don't have a husband,
I don't have kids.
I mean, don't you think
I should start thinking about that?
Not really. There's no rush for that.
Look what I've been through.
I've been loyal to that woman
for 20 years, married.
- Now I'm going through a divorce.
- Hmm.
So there's no rush.
Husband and kids...
doesn't make a happy home.
It's the individual, right?
Yeah.
But... at least you, like...
took a shot, you know what I mean?
At least you have a life
and you try, you took a shot.
Shot, huh? Some shot.
Now look at me: like I said,
going through a divorce.
So pretty much...
I'm back to square one...
which puts us in the same boat.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess you are.
Mm! Speaking of which...
your girl came by my office.
Man.
Oh, yeah? What she want?
Well, it's not what she wanted,
it's actually what she said
that's been, uh, on my mind all day.
Hmm. What's that?
She said that she feels that you are
in love with me.
And she feels you always have been.
Why would she say something like that?
I don't know, but...
you know, she always hated the fact
I called you my best friend.
And so she figured
once she and I got married
that she would be my best friend.
Nah.
She's not.
It's always been you.
And, you know, the truth is...
your wife should be your best friend.
- That's true.
- She just wasn't the right wife.
Now, that's true.
Absolutely.
You're right about that.
I have a confession.
Hey, it's...
- Mm.
- Slow down, slow--
Dana was right.
I am in love with you.
You... You okay?
Shhh...
Wow.
Please!
Hey, you decent?
Come in.
Hey. Just checking on you.
- Yeah...
- How you feelin'?
You were right...
I shouldn't have took all those shots.
It wasn't the shots, it was
that bottle you took to the head.
I told you.
Yeah. Whatever it was,
it doesn't feel good.
I didn't eat that much.
Well, we got that pizza downstairs.
You want me to warm it up?
No. I'll... I'll...
- No, I just...
- Go slow, go slow.
I just, uh...
I just need to sit here for a moment
and I'll get it together.
- All right.
- I'm okay, I'm sure.
So, do you remember what you said
in the kitchen?
I remember exactly what I said.
So you remember that you said
that you were in love with me?
But then you just...
walked on away, you remember that?
I know. It's just...
I knew that I laid some heavy shit on you.
And... you needed some time
and I did, too.
Okay, so...
you remember saying that
you were always in love with me?
- Huh?
- Well, not always.
- Well, that's mean.
- No, I'm just...
It was around that time
in the eighth grade
when you came to my rescue and...
beat up Derrick for me
'cause he pushed me.
- I did it with pizzazz, huh?
- Oh... Yeah.
Man don't mess with you.
I mean, you whooped him so bad,
you made me feel sorry for him.
- Oh, you felt sorry for him?
- I felt sorry for him.
Anyway... So is that when you started
to fall in love with me?
It was when I started looking
at you differently
and then by the time I got
to freshman year...
I was fully in love with you.
Now, why didn't you say anything?
Because by the time I finally got
the nerve to say something,
you introduced Dana as your girlfriend
and the rest is history.
There were so many times
you guys broke up.
I wanted to say something then
but you kept running back to her,
and I just... had to protect my heart
and I, I just... suppressed it.
Now it makes sense.
Now I understand.
Well, uh... for my confession...
- You said eighth grade, right?
- Yes.
I've been in love with you
since the second grade.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Yeah, from the first time I saw you...
I said, "She's the prettiest girl
in the school."
You said I was the prettiest girl?
I still do.
And what makes you so well rounded,
even now, is that you're not
stuck up or arrogant...
- Like Dana.
- Yeah. Yeah. Like Dana.
Yeah.
So... So you never wanted
to try anything with me?
Yeah, I wanted to have sex
with you, absolutely.
- I did...
- Jesus.
But I respected our... our friendship.
And it would have messed that up.
You were truly the best friend I ever had.
So... nah...
Nah.
You know I feel the same way.
I love you.
I love you too.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, so, I mean,
where do we go from here, huh?
I would love to answer that...
Okay.
...but I got tequila coming up.
You need me to come hold your hair?
All right, I'm here for you. Here I come.
Ugh! Okay... You can do it.
Couple more steps, you'll make it.
You can do it, you can do it,
you can do it, you can do it...
Jeez! It's so bright.
Aha, welcome to the world.
Yeah...
Oh!
How you feeling there, sunshine?
Oh, don't even use the word "light."
It just makes me wanna puke.
Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
You pretty much threw your whole life up
last night, trust me.
Oh! It doesn't feel like it.
Feels like I still have some left in me.
Yeah, don't worry about that now.
So, you get that in you
for some balance...
Take this, that'll make you feel better.
- What is that?
- Oh, that's ginger root.
Fresh ginger root tea.
It's great for hangovers.
Got you a Danish here, absorbs alcohol.
Danish? Who eats Danish after having
a hangover and puking?
So, you ain't had no toast, no, uh,
no pancakes, no biscuits.
- You get what you get.
- Well... thank you.
Got a little fruit here, and, uh...
There you go.
Yeah, I took off work.
So I can take care of you.
- You didn't have to do that.
- I know.
But the way you were
throwin' 'em back last night...
Ugh...
I knew you were gonna need
somebody to take care of you, so...
Told Rodney and Karen to take care
of everything, and I'm here.
- I appreciate you.
- I know.
You know, it has me... has me thinking.
What about?
I've been thinking about us.
- Yeah.
- Okay, what about?
It had me thinking,
where would we be right now
if we knew what we knew now
about each other then,
you know what I mean?
Hmm.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
And since I know now
that the feeling is mutual...
I wanna see where we can go from here.
I mean, that's if... if you want to also.
Well, I mean, Pierre...
Your behavior lately has me wondering,
like, are you really ready
to have anything with me?
I mean, all these "thots" you've been
running in and out of my bedroom.
You have to know they don't
mean anything to me. Right?
I know that, but...
in a way, that's kind of irrelevant.
I've just never seen you...
sleep with so many women at one time.
What has gotten into you?
I mean, why now?
I don't know, I guess I'm afraid
to be hurt again.
You know, after 20 years
of being loyal to Dana,
and she does what she does,
I don't want anybody
to be close to me again, you know?
So, I see Rodney doing it,
dating various different women.
He having a good time, so... I try it.
You know that's not me, though.
'Cause I was married that long.
And if I'm gonna let anybody
ever get close to me again,
for me to be vulnerable again...
I'm gonna take a chance with you.
That's if you wanna take a chance with me.
You really mean that?
Every word.
Well, uh... you know you're gonna
have to date me first.
Oh, I gotta date you first.
Ah-ha-ha-ha.
You gonna have to date me, I'm serious.
Okay, all right, well,
we can start dating tonight.
Where do you want to go?
I just wanna go back to bed.
- We can have the first date in your bed.
- Hey-hey-hey-hey!
Can we start tomorrow?
Can we go on a date then?
Date tomorrow night.
You decide.
Yes. And...
just so you know...
we're not having sex until
you get that divorce with Dana,
so don't even try it, kid.
- What part of the game is that?
- Uh... you heard me.
And just so you know, too,
ain't no sex with big, bad,
and bougie bitches, either.
- I can't have no bad and bougie bitch?
- No.
What if they're good and ghetto?
Or light-skinned and luscious?
Ain't no more of bringing them bitches
over here at my house.
I mean, look, after I'd hurt my back
lifting you up all those stairs,
I would think you'd give me something.
- Whatever. Anyway.
- Well, give me a place to sleep in.
Thank you for, uh,
taking care of me this morning.
Trying to take care of you, girl.
Good night.
"Good and ghetto," I like that.
I like that.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
No more tequila for me,
I'm drinking this water.
- How are you guys doing here?
- Oh, just fine.
- I think I'm done with this.
- Thank you.
-Did you wanna get dessert, anything?
- We've got crme brle.
- No, no, I'm fine, thank you so much.
Everything was wonderful.
Can you believe she was gonna fight me
over that parking space?
Well, you did just pull right in.
You know you was wrong for that.
You knew she was waiting
for that parking space.
No, excuse me, first of all,
we both pulled in at the same time.
Now, I could have let her go,
but I was having a good time with you.
Um, I wasn't gonna say anything, but...
she been giving us the stink eye
the whole entire night.
I feel like she gonna, like, try to cut us
or something when we go back to the car.
No, she better not.
Damn sure she better not.
Doesn't matter. I'm just enjoying
my time here with you.
- So am I.
- Right?
Yeah. You know, this is like...
this is like our first, like...
Why you giggling with
the little dimples, huh?
Because it's... our first official date.
- First official one.
- What?
But, you know, there's more surprises
I have for you.
- Yeah?
- If you up to it.
Well, what is it?
Now, how is it a surprise if I tell you?
Huh?
So I guess I have to wait, don't I?
- I guess you're gonna have to.
- Whoa.
That's for damn sure.
Well, what I am going to do...
So, what you gonna do?
I am actually gonna go powder my nose...
Want me to come in there with you?
- You know you want me to go with you.
- You are so silly.
- Huh?
- But when I return...
you're gonna take me on that adventure.
- I am.
- Yeah.
- I got that surprise.
- Mmm.
'Cause I got that big surprise for you.
- You do?
- Yes, I do.
You're bad.
Mm-hmm. ...with your sexy self.
- Don't be checking out my ass, either.
- I can't help it 'cause I want it.
With your sexy Tweety Bird-lookin' self.
See anything interesting on the menu
you wanna try tonight, babe?
I see something very interesting
but it's not on the menu.
Yeah. It all looks so good,
but I don't know what to choose.
Yeah. Well, order the grilled salmon
and asparagus for me.
- Okay.
- Excuse me, I'm going to the ladies' room.
- All right, don't you get lost.
- Oh, please.
Well, well, well.
This bitch.
So, Dana, you have nothing better to do
than to stalk me at this restaurant?
Actually, I do have better things to do
and I was doing it.
So let me take a wild guess,
you're here with my husband, aren't you?
Uh, yeah, you know that I'm here
with your soon-to-be ex-husband.
- So what?
- So you finally got him, huh?
Hmm.
You've always wanted him,
and you know it.
Always hanging around him,
all up in his ass.
Oh, Phenix, my sloppy seconds?
Oh, girl.
You can't find your own man?
My own man?
Well, see, Dana, the way that you have men
running in and out of you,
you think that every man is your man...
and don't be mad at me because
you weren't woman enough to keep him.
Correction. He wasn't man enough
to keep me.
I lost interest first.
Oh! So you think that
cheating on your husband...
who worked his ass off to give you
the life that you wanted, was the answer.
You know, I will never understand
what he saw in you.
And by the way, I have to say...
he is all man enough to keep me.
So I guess you been
screwing my husband for...
...for God knows how long.
You know, you are funny,
and you're a selfish bitch.
You had him under your thumb
and he was willing to do anything
and everything for you,
but you messed it up,
so don't be mad at me
because he's finally able to move on.
Hell, you practically stood here
and said that you don't want him,
so the question that I have for you is...
why do you even care?
Exactly. I don't have time for this.
But what I do have time for
is your husband.
Enjoy.
Oh, bitch.
You need change, sir?
Mm. No, you've been great.
Thank you so much.
- Hey, babe, you ready?
- Baby, Dana's here.
- What?
- So you have been sleeping with her.
You're in no position
to ask me anything, woman.
How long have you been
screwing her, Pierre?
- You don't know what you're talking about.
- I'm not talking to you, Phenix.
- You're making a scene.
- I don't care.
I'm not sure what my attorneys
would do with the information
that you've been cheating on me
with Phenix for years,
but we'll just have to wait
and see, won't we?
We won't. Let's go.
I'm not stupid, Pierre.
Hey! You okay? I've been looking
all over the restaurant for you.
I'm fine.
So you're gonna bring this mark,
a dude that you were sucking off
in my bedroom,
you're gonna question me?
Huh?
PJ.
My man, it's not about you, all right?
So if you value your life,
I suggest you go in the other room.
A'ight?
Baby, I gotta take a call anyway.
I'll be at the table.
His soft ass.
A mark ass, let's go.
Enjoy your night.
What y'all looking at?
What's on your mind?
You haven't said one word to me
since we left the restaurant.
I do remember saying
this was a one-time thing.
I'm taking a test
for the state broker's license.
What are you doing here?
Look, I need to talk to you.
I'm not gonna sit here and have
a conversation with myself.
- I'm going to bed.
- Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop.
I'm sorry I let her ruin our night.
I don't want you to go.
P...
Look, if we're gonna have
any kind of a chance,
you gotta stop letting her get to you.
You've been doing the same thing
since high school.
You have to stop letting her win.
I'm not letting her win.
You know, it's just that...
everything she's been taking me through,
the courts and all that,
she's just always trying to get to me.
Trying?
It looks like she's winning.
I guess you're right.
Hey...
You know if she messes with you,
she messes with me.
I'm 'bout to go to bat for you,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Like she messes with you,
she messes with me.
She got me over here losing my voice.
I'm hoarse over this, man.
- But you know what I'm sayin'?
- I know you're crazy, so...
Yeah. I am crazy.
- Yeah.
- Crazy about you.
Really?
I'm crazy about you, too.
You sure?
I'll show you, come here.
Come here.
I'm sorry, all right?
Hey, I love you.
I love you.
- I love you, too.
- Yeah?
Man, I ate too much, man,
but this Crazy Hog is good as hell, bruh.
You know, I should have got a to-go thing
for Phenix, but she loves to cook, so...
Still can't believe
you're hittin' that.
Will you respect
my relationship, man?
- Ahh! I thought I heard you two.
- Yeah.
That back office is really
coming together, by the way.
- Nice.
- Yes, it is.
So, Karen, I have any messages?
No, unfortunately you don't, but, uh...
- Mr. Rodney Chase...
- Oh!
...has two.
Hey-hey! I love the chase.
We just came from eatin'.
There's some wings.
I like mine bone-in.
How do you like your bone?
Oh. In.
- She like it in.
- Okay, all right.
She like it in.
You look like a yellow... black Lemonhead.
Remember those candies?
Liked to eat 'em in the back of class,
throw 'em in the air, whoosh...
right in my mouth.
I could probably pop you in my mouth.
Why don't you toss yourself in your office
and get on those calls?
You can't take a joke.
- I'm just joking.
- Go to the office.
My man.
- Young lady.
- Yes.
- No fraternizing, okay?
- Okay.
All right, so, finish
what you're doing here,
let's go in the back,
there's the conference room.
- Okay.
- Let's knock that out, all right?
Oh, Mr. Jackson, you did get a package.
A'ight... Okay, so...
finish up, see you in the back. Okay?
Gotcha. Done.
Bone in, huh?
Yeah, that's professional.
No.
Hey, Rod. Rod.
- Huh?
- Come here.
What's up?
Hey, what's up?
I got this package, man.
There's no postage,
no return address...
but it's made out to me.
I don't think I should open it.
Shit, man, I'll open it.
Hey, hey, hey, man, you're the one
who told me, don't trust Dana, right?
Man, she ain't that crazy, man.
Now, what you jumping up, hiding for?
Watch your scary ass.
There ain't no bomb in here.
Sit y'all tall, light-skin ass down, man.
I'm just saying be careful.
We don't know what that is.
Man, you are trippin'.
You know, that's what's wrong with you.
Light skin, that's the light-skin genes
you got in you, man.
Y'all built different, bruh.
Soft around the edges.
See what you got...
See that? No bomb.
Okay, so what's in there?
- Ooh, whee.
- Uh-huh.
These two are gorgeous.
Let me see that.
These two! Look at that.
That's them two chicks you bagged
after the club that one night.
Yeah, I remember them.
Yeah, little hot pocket.
Hey. Hey, uh...
What's that?
You need to read this.
Check this out, bro.
Wow.
"Pierre, the photos are
to refresh your memory of us
from several weeks back.
I assume delivering this news in person
may not go over too well,
so I'll just get to the point.
Your one night of pleasure
with me and Tiffany has made you...
a father of two."
They're saying
they're six weeks' pregnant.
"And enclosed are two separate
pregnancy tests as proof."
Hey, man, they peed on that.
Just put that back, man.
Man, they fine. I drink their bath water.
A little pee never hurt nobody.
- What's wrong with you, man?
- I don't know.
- Something's wrong with you.
- It is.
"We're both willing to take another test
to prove to you again,
but bottom line is we need to talk.
Whenever you're ready,
you can reach my cell...
at 312..."
Blah-blah-blah.
"We'll be waiting for your call.
Raquel."
- Wow, bruh.
- No, man, this can't be possible, man.
See, actually, it can be possible,
because I remember you told me
you didn't remember anything that night.
Yeah. You're right.
Right, and see, that's what makes me mad
'cause I really can't remember, man.
I mean, getting two women pregnant
at the same time?
I mean, how can I tell Phenix that? Huh?
It's over, right?
I mean, if this is true, it's over.
Well, you know what?
Let's not jump to conclusions.
- We don't even know if this is true.
- But what if it is? That's the point.
- Huh?
- Listen, what you need to do is
you need to make 'em go to the hospital,
get 'em checked out,
- and you need to go with them.
- I'm not going nowhere with them.
They come here to my office.
We'll take the test right here.
I'm not going anywhere with them.
Hey...
I'm just gonna call 'em.
- Man.
- Yeah.
See what she got to say.
Give 'em a call, man.
And you need to let them have it, too.
Like call them all out, you gotta
scare 'em, you know what I mean?
Don't-- Hey, let 'em have it.
Hey, Raquel. Yeah, it's Pierre.
Got your package,
received your letter.
Want you and your girl to meet me
in my office in about an hour.
All right. You can do that? Okay.
So I'm gonna text you the address.
What the hell was that, man?
You ain't even say nothin'.
'Cause I wanna get them both here,
look 'em in the eyes.
'Cause I don't believe this is true, man.
They wouldn't even come and tell you
straight to your face that they pregnant.
Why you think they're gonna
come down here, man?
'Cause they sent that package.
They want something.
So I can guarantee you they will be here.
You want me to hang around,
wait for them to come? Stay with you?
Nah, man, just, uh...
- Can you do something with that?
- What you want me to do with it?
I don't know, just put it up somewhere.
Like I say, don't throw it away, though.
I might need it for some evidence.
I ain't been through this before.
- I gotta figure this out.
- I know what to do with it.
Gimme... gimme the pictures.
Let me get those.
I know what to do with them.
My man.
This is serious.
Don't judge me.
Everybody has their vices.
Do not judge me.
He who has two women pregnant
at the same time.
'Cause I like to smell
a little pee from time to time,
you gonna go get
all heavenly on me, nigga...
So, what'd you say about your girl?
She's not coming at all?
Tiffany, she's not feeling well
and couldn't make it, but I'm here.
Yeah, okay, well... if both of you are
claiming to be pregnant,
then both of y'all should be here.
Well, I couldn't make her come,
and like I said, she's sick.
The baby's not allowing her
to hold any food down.
- She ain't been to work in like three--
- Okay, okay.
Well, I definitely want you all to take
a test, that's for damn sure.
- And we're willing to.
- All right.
But when it come back positive,
then what?
You know, God knows
I'm not ready for this.
I'm pretty sure you two
aren't either, but...
I like you, we had a good time,
so, we wanna all try to make this work
like Three's Company, we can or...
wanna just do the co-parent thing,
we could do that, too.
So if these seeds are mine, I'm letting
you know I'm gonna take care of them.
- Unless...
- Unless what?
Unless you're willing to work out a deal.
What kind of deal?
Tiffany and I are willing
to get rid of them.
And you can forget
that any of this ever happened.
- Hmm.
- But it's gonna cost you.
- Oh, it's gonna cost me.
- Yeah.
Okay. How much is it gonna cost me?
- Ten thousand dollars.
- Jeez.
- Each.
- Oh, okay.
Part of the money we'll use
to get rid of the problem.
And you won't hear from us again.
Well, listen to this,
I'm gonna help you out.
First of all, I don't believe
in abortion, okay?
And secondly,
no abortion costs $10,000.
- I said part of the money.
- Oh.
- You just said you wasn't ready for this.
- I'm not.
- Make up your mind.
- If you wanna have an abortion,
take yourself down to the Free Clinic
or Cook County Hospital.
Otherwise you can sign
the parental rights over to me,
and those are my seeds,
I will take care of both of them.
- That's not gonna happen.
- Oh, it's not gonna happen?
- That's not gonna happen.
- Why it's not gonna happen?
- 'Cause it's not.
- 'Cause it's bullshit, that's why. Yeah.
You'd rather kill the child
than give it up for adoption?
So if you wanna keep this charade
going on, make an appointment with Karen,
okay, and bring the tests back
when y'all are ready.
Look, I'm not gonna go back and forth
with you about this.
- You ain't gotta do nothing.
- We'll be in touch.
You ain't gotta touch me;
touch yourself, short-stack.
- Whatever.
- Yeah, whatever.
These bitches, man...
Wait till I tell Rodney this shit.
Ten thousand dollars.
Ten g's.
- Hey.
- Heyyy!
- Smells good in here.
- Yeah!
How you doin'?
Why, what you makin'?
Oh, well, I got some steaks
in the oven...
- Okay.
- ....and I got a little salad.
I got a little dessert for us.
You got a lot of everything.
I do?
I wanna thank you
for making all this food.
I'm getting a little bigger now,
I'm gaining weight.
Looks good on you.
But it is good, so I thank you...
for what you do, I appreciate you.
Well, you deserve it
and I like doing it, so...
Yes! I love it.
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
So, how was your day?
Uh, it was interesting, to say the least.
Possibly life-changing,
which is why I need to talk to you.
Okay, all right.
Well, I am listening.
Uh, I need your undivided attention.
So can we go sit down, please?
Okay.
Everything okay?
Well, let's talk about it.
You know how we said we would
always be fully transparent...
with each other
and tell each other everything?
Yeah.
Because we're best friends.
You know I love you, right?
Of course I do. I love you--
What is going on?
You're kind of freaking me out
a little bit.
I'm just gonna... just go right into it.
I had a threesome with these two ladies
and they're claiming
I got both of them pregnant.
And, uh...
I'm sorry.
Pierre Jackson, are you kidding me?
I mean...
You didn't use protection?
Did you do this mess in my bed?
- I don't...
- Wow!
And I'm sorry, Phenix.
I really am.
How irresponsible can you be?
Look, I... I'm sorry.
Phenix, I really am.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
If it's true...
I'm gonna take care
of my responsibilities.
But more importantly, I need...
...you to be by my side.
I need you to help me through this.
I can't do this by myself.
And despite everything...
these babies didn't ask to be here.
So... if they are mine...
I'm gonna take care of them.
You know I don't believe in abortion.
I would never ask you
for an abortion-- abortions.
I'm not that selfish.
I know.
And ironically, uh...
one of the girls came to my job.
And, uh, she proposed that I give her
and the other girl $10,000 apiece
and they would have an abortion.
- What?
- Yeah.
Well, I told them,
I don't believe in abortion.
And if they want to sign over
their parental rights, then...
then I would take care of them,
the babies.
So... you're talking about
taking care of two kids...
by two different women.
You're not even ready to be a father.
I know, I know,
and I'm not ready for any of this.
I know, but if they're mine,
what choice do I have, right?
But I need you there with me by my side.
I can't do this alone.
I'm terrified.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Phenix, please...
don't leave me.
Okay?
I know this is hard...
but I need you.
I just wanna smack the shit out of you.
You are so lucky
that we have been friends this long.
'Cause I don't know any other woman
who would stand here
and stick by you
through all this bullshit.
S-So you're gonna stay?
Oh, but, see, this is why,
see, that's why...
that's why I love you.
Not just because of this.
That's why I'm in love with you,
'cause you've had my back since day one.
I'm sorry.
But I do have some good news.
Yeah?
What's that?
Dana and her attorney
finally agreed to the mediation.
That's great.
And I want you there, okay?
I would love to be there, but, uh...
all of us in the same room,
you already know how crazy that is.
Nah, don't worry about that.
You with me now, okay?
She has to understand that.
- Yeah.
- So, will you come?
To be honest, I really... I can't.
I... I have those meetings
with the schools and everything,
I have two interviews.
I can't cancel them.
I know, I know, school is...
it's important.
It's important to you, so, uh...
I understand.
But I'll be here.
When you get home.
Thank you.
I do not want to agree
to their settlement.
I got you.
All right, I'm ready.
Now we can get started.
Dana, no matter what,
you're not budging, correct?
Hmm-mm.
Okay, so now that I have intake
on your relationship
and I've gone over
the financial agenda checklist,
quite obvious as to how this can
drag out in court even longer.
That is, if we can't come to some sort
of agreement here today.
My final suggestion is that I take
Mrs. Jackson and Mrs. Brown
over to another room where Mr. Jackson
remains in this room with his attorney.
I would then go
from one room to the other
to speak with each party individually.
I will offer settlement suggestions,
including negotiations.
Are we all on board with that?
- You on board with that?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I'm fine with that.
- Good.
I will allow a half an hour break
for each of you to consult with counsel.
So, Mrs. Jackson, Mrs. Brown,
if you could just follow me.
- Okay.
- Wait, wait, hold up a sec.
Can, um, I have one moment
with my wife, please?
- Why, Pierre?
- Please, okay? Just for a moment.
Wait, are you okay with this?
Yes, I'm fine.
- Thank you.
- Five minutes.
Okay, five minutes.
I can guarantee it will be less than that.
- What's this about, Pierre?
- This is about you.
What are you doing? Huh?
I've given you everything.
You have both houses, both cars.
You have my boat.
The alimony that I gave you
that's conducive to your lifestyle.
But you wanna keep this up.
Right?
Okay...
I want you to read this.
Whatever you want, I'll give it to you.
"Pierre, I'm so sorry to bother you,
but I just had to let you know,
we're not pregnant.
We met Dana through mutual friends
and she hired us to bribe you.
The club, the threesomes,
the fake pregnancies...
everything was all her.
She's been having you followed
ever since you left her
and she knows your every move."
Yeah. Familiar, isn't it?
"She was sure you would go for us to get
rid of the babies and give up the money.
She also agreed that if you did,
we could keep half.
But when you didn't go for it, she got mad
and reneged on what she was
supposed to pay us
if things fell through with you.
I wanted to hit you with this now
because I knew y'all had mediation today,
so, I'm blowin' that bitch cover.
So use this to your advantage
and let your attorney see this text.
You will win, trust me.
I can even speak with him if you'd like.
I'm sorry for this, Pierre.
Plus, I don't like nobody
messing with my money."
I can exhale now.
Game is over.
So... I'm gonna help you out, though.
We can handle this one of two ways.
The easy way or the hard way.
So you agree to my terms.
By the time I get to my car
and smoke my cigar...
or me and little shorty
doo-wop short-stack there
will just go to the authorities.
What do you say?
Huh? Take your time.
Okay, time is up.
What do you say?
- I'll agree to whatever you want.
- Whatever I want?
Do you have a choice?
Do you? No.
Offer you can't refuse, right?
Just tell your attorney that you had
a change of heart.
And when this is all over with...
don't come around me and Phenix again.
Just email us, send a homing pigeon,
or something.
We'll get back to you.
You can leave now.
What a day.
- Thanks, baby.
- You're welcome.
God, it's so pretty out here.
- It's nice out.
- It is.
You know
what I was just thinking?
What's that?
She had it all.
I mean, she had both the cars...
both the houses.... the boat...
Hey, you should have kept the boat.
I should have kept the boat.
But, you know, we'll get another one.
But...
She got a problem.
She really has a problem.
She's greedy.
Yeah, she is.
At least we don't have to worry
about that no more.
Hey, going on with the second half
of our lives.
Mm-hmm. Finally.
But you know what, I... whew...
I'm so glad I dodged that bullet...
...didn't get those women pregnant,
you know?
I'm sorry, that's the last time,
I promise you, but I had to get one more.
- No, I deserve that, I deserve it.
- One more time...
- This is the one time you can do that.
- And I promise that's the last time.
- That's it, I'm done.
- No, I deserve that.
Because... whoo, that'd have been tough.
But you were really... whoo!
Whew!
- But you had my back, huh?
- Yeah, I mean...
- You were really gonna squab with Dana.
- Yeah, I was about to fight Dana,
talkin' about I was all up in your ass,
yeah, mm-hmm,
'cause I was about to be
all up in her ass, but I was cool.
I kept it calm, I was good.
- 'Cause you had my back.
- Haven't I always?
I've always had your back.
And because of that...
when this divorce is over...
finally...
Miss Phenix Summers...
I wanna marry you.
Would you marry me? Huh?
With your little dimples.
Look at you.
- Yes, I'll marry you.
- Really?
It's what I've always wanted
since the second grade.
See, like they say,
men take a little longer to grow,
but I realize now how much I need you
and how much I love you.
How much you been there for me,
how much you support me,
and how much I support you and...
and I don't wanna be without you.
Come here.
Come here.
We're going inside.
I did get her husband.
You're such a bad girl.
Oh, God, I'm bad.
That's all right.
Poor Dana.
Closer!
Argggh!
Come out and claim it!
There we go, right there!
- Welcome back, bruh.
- What's up, big dawg?
It's hard to get on that plane, man,
but it's good to be back.
Yeah, you must have had a ball 'cause
y'all been gone for like a month, man.
That's the longest honeymoon ever, bruh.
After all that drama, Phenix and I needed
to get away, center ourselves, man, so...
- Yeah.
- Good times, man.
Yeah, good time in that ass every night,
just rrrrrr!
- Rrrrrr!
- Hey, that's my wife.
- Oh, okay, right.
- So that's not appropriate.
- No, it's not.
- So how's everything been going?
- Yo, everything's going good, man.
- Really?
Kim and Karen out right now
checking out properties.
- Okay.
- All your mail, packages and everything
is sitting on your desk, and I got
a couple of guys coming over later
to, you know,
tidy up some things around here, man.
- Okay.
- I've been handling business, bruh.
And I've been closing, you know how I do.
- So you been closing.
- Yeah.
- "Sold by the closer."
- SBC.
- "Sold by me."
- SBM.
- Know that's unprofessional?
- It is professional.
- The people wanted my autograph.
- "Home of the closer"?
- We're gonna take all this down.
- Hey, it's my house.
- I knew you was gonna like that one.
- So, to see if you're well-rounded,
you can open up something
and do it up from there.
- What's this, man?
- Just open it.
All right.
Oh.
You... you purchased another building?
Yeah. What else it say?
You for real, man?
Congratulations, partner.
- Oh, ho ho ho!
- Yeah.
- Thanks, man-- I mean, partner.
- Partner.
So we close next week
so you and I will go into particulars
about the partnership, all the paperwork,
but... it's all you, man.
Whoo-whoo! Hey! Hey, yo.
This calls for a celebration, man.
- And Tuesday night, let's hit the club.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, about that.
It is Tuesday?
- Huh? Yeah.
- However...
I'm retired, man.
- What?
- Yeah, man, but we can still celebrate.
Come by the house, we'll have Phenix
whip up some dinner, make some drinks,
anybody you wanna bring.
We still could do that.
Nobody wanna come
to your old punk-ass crib!
What are you talkin' about?
That's how we doin' it now?
Sittin' across from you, man,
with them damn Michael Ealy eyes!
Hey, listen, man.
I'm never gettin' off.
I love the love train.
I'm gonna ride it till
the wheels fall off, bruh.
As you should, man, as you should.
Choo-choo!
Ha ha!
Uh... For real though, man,
I appreciate you, though, for real.
- Hey.
- Sho', man.
You deserve it, you did it. You got your
license, you've been boomin'...
We're gonna take this down,
but I'm proud of you.
Man. What? You ain't takin' nothin' down.
Hey, I've been handling
business around here, bruh.
- I'm great.
- Hey, babe.
That's Rodney, I'm at the office.
Gave him the good news.
Yeah.
Huh?
What, the honeymoon's not over, huh?
Okay.
Well, I'm on my way home now.
I don't have to wait here.
Oh, you wanna come to the office?
No, babe, Rodney's still here.
So you're trying to tell me you don't care
if he walks in and sees us?
Little freaky self, you know that's why
I love you.
You got a fantasy?
You gonna be...
bring a girl to the office.
That's my fantasy, too!
We got so much in common.
That's why I love you, babe.
Hurry. Go, go, go!
Front door.
Yeah, hold on.
- You say anything?
- No, I didn't say nothin'.
- Who was that?
- What?
- Uh, let me know when Karen gets back.
- Okay, I will.
- All right.
- Bye, man.
Hey, baby.