Pimp My Bride (2024) Movie Script

[soul song
"Lovely Day", by Bill Withers]
Angel, please,
I like this one, black
ceramic goes with everything,
On a fireplace, it's pretty,
And the flames will
bring back memories,
No, no, no!
Angel, listen, please,
We're all tense now,
Where is my money?
I'm listening to you,
The bailiffs took everything
from me, even my watch,
I have nothing left,
Your cryptocurrency must have worked,
My developer scammed me,
He stole the program from
Microsoft, I got screwed, that's all,
- We got screwed,
- But I invested money,
Wait, when you invest,
you take risks,
No, no, no!
Okay, I'll pay you back, I will
give you back your 80,000 euros,
It was 100,000,
Exact,
And how?
I'll ask my mother,
- I'm his last,
- To your mother,
Her darling, she can
refuse me nothing,
[theme reminiscent of
the ticking of a clock]
You have three days, Benot,
Phew!
[melancholic theme]
[he breathes]
[ringtones]
- Mom ?
- Benot?
- Won't I wake you up?
- No,
Do you remember that you have a mother?
- Everything is fine ?
- Yes, great, In great shape,
- Is the weather nice in Marrakech?
- Yes, very beautiful,
- Finally, it's dark there,
- Yes of course,
Okay, great,
Did I tell you I set
up a company?
- It will be listed on the stock exchange,
- Darling, I'm glad to hear you,
But when you talk about your
boxes, it's to ask me for money,
I don't know what you're talking about,
And your father and I have decided
not to give you another penny,
It's for your own good,
OK, so I'm only calling
to ask you for money?
It's almost midnight,
I know you,
I don't see any other reason,
Yes, you know me,,,
If I'm calling you this
late, it's because,,,
I'm going to get married,
I couldn't wait to tell you,
But it's midnight, I'll call
back at a more decent hour,
Roland!
Roland!
Roland!
Roland!
Stop shouting,
You'll wake up the whole hotel,
- Benot called,
- At that time?
He wants money, right?
OK, is he only calling
us to ask us for money?
You are really,,,
Benot called us to tell us,,,
Yes ?
He's getting married!
My Benedict?
But obviously your Benot, Who ?
[tones]
[the cell phone rings]
Yes ?
My darling, I told
dad the good news,
It's late now,
I'm so happy,
Tell me everything,
Ask her if she's really a girl,
Tell me about your future wife,
- What is she like?
- Let's go to the inquisition,
No, but I haven't heard
from you for months, you tell
me that you're going to get married, I have the right to ask,
Of course, What to tell you?
It's,,, Hm!
It was love at first sight,
And she is,,,
mannequin, there you go,
[she whispers]
She is a model,
And,,, I was planning to come to
Marrakech tomorrow to present it to you,
Wonderful idea, Mon assistante
va vous prendre les billets,
- Great,
- We can't wait,
Moi aussi, maman,
We are super happy, son!
- Arrte, tu vas rveiller l'htel,
- Well, see you tomorrow?
- Oui, bonne nuit, chri,
- Good night,
Well that's it,
Je suis dans la merde,
What are you doing there?
J'ai te parler, Emily,
Do you ask me to get me in
your fiance in front of your family?
Ils ftent l'anniversaire de mariage
de mes parents chaque anne l-bas,
I don't go there anymore, but there,
c'est le moment de faire mon retour,
- With my future wife,
- Et c'est quoi le plan ?
Do you tell them you get married and what?
- C'est simple,
We bask for a few
days all paid costs,
Ma mre va me demander comment
je compte financer le mariage,
There, I tell them that we are
going to put it simple because
we put aside to
buy a three-piece,
L, normalement, I
leave with a big check,
I adore you and I will never forget
everything you have done for me,
But you are sick,
Finally, I'm not
going to let you
get roasted by a mafioso,
I'll pick you up tomorrow,
Thank you, you save my life,
You're going to have
a dream weekend,
[Fiona]
Yes of course, Yes,
Yes yes,
For Benot?
- Photovoltaic panels, yes,
- I have a suitcase,
Solar panels have
nothing to do with it,
The difference?
It's better, yes,
There, we are on voltaic,
Yes,
Hm, hmm, Yeah,
Oh, in Dunkirk?
Two minutes,
Is there no sun, even in summer?
Otherwise, do you have a
Personal Training Account?
Hello ?
Hello ?
Hello !?
Son of a bitch,
Sorry, Benot?
Always Benot,
Once, I was expecting a Stphane, a
guy comes up and it was Jean-Claude,
- Another guy,
- I'm Benot,
Here we go,,,
Benedict,
Well done, it was a trap,
Ahead,,,
Benedict,
No, Guingamp,
It doesn't matter, Come on,
Oh,,,
You tell yourself that
women are rarely rare,
- Non,
- En fait, c'est cool, chauffeur Uber, For a woman,
C'est pas pay de ouf, donc j'ai
plusieurs boulots, But it's calm,
C'est important, le calme,
Very, Afterwards, beware,
the car is temporary,
Moi, je voudrais ouvrir un
salon de coiffure classe dans
une ambiance chic et lgante,
What is
this fucked!?
- Ton clignotant !
- [Klaxon]
Fils de pute, tu vas voir,
What are you doing?
- Un pour chaque trou, salope, va !
- Isn't that okay?
[Fiona]
It's not true!
J'avais un pied en
41 et l'autre en 44,
- There, in front of the red car,
- OK,
It goes quickly when the
discussion is interesting,
Je vais la chercher
et on file l'aroport,
I let the counter turn,
Je rigole, c'est Uber, In
fact, it's a system that ,,,
Un systme,,,
Who,,,
I don't know how it works,
Ah, tu es prte ?
- Give, the Uber awaits us,
- Benot,,,
My agent took me
a big ad for L'Oral,
Une fille est malade,
I go immediately to London
for the shoot, Tu comprends ?
No, my whole family
awaits us in Morocco,
Je suis dsole,
Wait, if you don't come, ma
famille me donnera pas d'argent,
If I have no money, bad
guys make me do nasty things,
Tu vas pas me laisser tomber ?
[Car door click]
Chier !
Gently, I'm leasing!
Il est fou, lui,
[Fiona]
Du coup, on va o ?
[He sighs]
[tonalit]
Sophie, comment tu vas
? It is Benot to the device,
coute, c'est fou, je pensais toi,
Finally, to us,
Et,,,
Et j'avais envie de
t'inviter en week-end,
We haven't seen each other for a long time,
Capri ?
In Capri, it was a misunderstanding,
- On tait dans le noir, je,,,
- [tone]
All, Sophie ?
OK,
OK, OK, euh,,,
No,
Pff!
Allez,
[tonalit]
All, Sgo ?
How is she going?
C'est Benot, Ben,
Listen, I thought of you,
Enfin, nous, Hello ?
- [tone]
- All, Sgo ?
Excuse me,
Hurry up, I don't just have you,
Vous avez
votre passeport ?
Well yes,
Comme je refais ma carte
d'identit, I have my passport,
Vous gagnez combien ?
It doesn't look at you, that,
Je vous propose un job,
An all fresh trip paid to
Marrakech with a small bonus,
- Faut faire quoi ?
- Make my family believe that you are my fiance, pendant trois jours,
Should I Ken?
a sera pas ncessaire,
It smells confused,
C'est quoi la carotte ?
There is none, I need money,
Un placement qui a mal tourn,
My parents will only help
me if they think I get married,
Dites-leur que vous tes "dep",
We are in the 20th century,
Non, au 21e sicle,
If,
And I'm not homosexual, that's it,
Donc,,,
vous gagnez combien par jour ?
My mother takes care
of my half-brothers ,,,
Juste un chiffre,
She no longer has her pension,
Alors, faut faire
heat the pot,
And it's not an expression,
Since the little one put
aluminum in the microwave,
So, it's boring, Not practical,
Okay, good,
For the stay, I offer you 5,,,
500 euros?
I won't do it
below 700,
-Deal,
- I would have done it for 600,
- I was going to offer you 5,000,
- [she laughs]
Very good valve,
Come on, let's go to the airport!
5,000 euros, but who does that?
It's a very good valve,
[pop theme]
Dylan, you take care of
Yacine and mom for three days,
I'm going to serve as driver for an
armored guy, I'm counting on you,
Yes, okay,
I'm coming !
I'll keep you posted, okay?
Quick, we have to change the tickets,
And clothes,
What, are they not good?
I said my fiance was a model,
And ?
I'm small, okay,
Watch it for me, bro,
What does she do?
Got it,
- That's great,
- You don't have to be Naomi Campbell to be a model, - It helps,
In any case,
you need a wardrobe, We're
going to do a little shopping,
Like in Pretty Woman?
Hey, don't make me "fart" you,
In Pretty Woman, did you
get it? She's a whore, actually,
We forget Pretty Woman,
Yes, I'm fine like that,
Stop with that,
I can do that too, otherwise,
[soulful song]
No,
Alright, Thats great, well,
Try this,
That,,,
That's good, there you go,
Everything is going
well with your,,,
Cousin, She's my cousin,
Isn't it too frustrating to
see all these people leaving?
Why, do you want
to take me with you?
Sorry, but how much do
you earn per day here?
How about an
all-expenses paid weekend?
What are you doing?
Pardon ?
You take the opportunity to flirt
with my boyfriend, morfale, go!
Sorry, I thought
you were cousins,
And they're like cousins?
No, I don't think so!
She doesn't say that,
She has the face of a pelican!
Go ahead, let me go!
Have a nice day, sorry,
- Why are you doing this?
- T'es mon mec, je suis une lionne,
It will do it, worry,
Non, a va pas le faire,
[He receives a message]
[Fiona]
No, why?
OK, on y va, mais plus d'embrouilles,
- Yes, chef,
- Allez,
- On peut manger un grec avant ?
Samurai sauce,
T'aimes pas la sauce samoura ?
AM-1245, authorized
to take off, Piste 36,
THANKS,
[Benot] Donc, la
patronne, c'est ma mre,
She heads companies
Duval Mtal avec mon pre,
More or less because my father,
face ma mre, il bronche pas,
- [she blows]
- Ensuite, tu as Pierrick et Sidonie,
My big brother and my big
sister, c'est des vrais serpents,
How are you ?
It's okay, yes, Non, j'ai
pas souvent pris l'avion,
-"Not often", that is to say?
- Zro,
T'as jamais pris l'avion ?
No,
Excuse me,
Sir ?
Can I have a vodka?
- Pas avant le dcollage,
- [she shoves]
Bon, je vais voir,
THANKS,
It will do you good, that,
J'ai froid,
I no longer feel my legs,
Il fait tout noir,
[She inspires and expires loudly]
Oh ! L, l, l, l, l !
Ah no, no, no!
- Ouh ! There, there, there!
- Qu'est-ce que tu fais avec a ?
The one who did
it said it puts it,
En cas d'urgence, Fiona, the plane
is the safest means of transport,
Non, c'est l'escalator,
I don't feel good,
Tu as bu tout a ? Given,
Oh !
Not touch my things,
On va se dtendre,
We are talking about the stay,
Tu as deux, trois petites
choses mmoriser et a ira bien,
- Beware of my brother and sister,
- [elle rote]
They want to take control
of my mother's society,
Je me sens pas bien,
- I want to go out,
- O ?
De l'avion,
Yes, at the next stop,
Chtelet, a te va ?
Yeah, that's good,
- Tu fais quoi ?
- Faut que je sorte maintenant,
- No,
- Let go!
[elle gonfle son gilet]
I want to go out!
Let me out!
- Help!
-Fiona!
- Let me out!
- Madam, please,
But let me out!
Let it go!
- Calm down!
- Let me go!
No, Oh ! There, there! No,
[Fiona vomits]
Rha, damn!
[oriental theme]
[Solange] Sorry,
I'm waiting for my son,
He arrives with his
fiance, she is a model,
Does anyone know if the
plane from Paris is late?
No ?
Ah, they're coming out!
Benedict! Benot, my darling! Pardon,
Dear,
Mom, are you okay?
What is happening?
Psychopath, go!
Nothing, a misunderstanding,
- We gave him a sedative, it's okay,
- Aaah,,,
But why?
Because actually, Fiona made
it clear that she
didn't eat meat,
Is she Jewish?
Yes, of course, Fiona is Jewish,
A problem?
No way,
Did I say something? No, good,
In short, it got out of hand,
I wanted to make up for it,
I'm going to cause a scandal,
No, everything is fine,
Here we go,
- On ?
- She's in great shape,
[oriental theme]
And dad?
Since he stopped smoking,
he only does sport anymore,
He had a squash,
Isn't it a little red?
No, she's fine,
It's a little sedative,
it will pass,
[Fiona farts]
[she rolls down the window]
And if not, have you
read anything good lately?
Uh,,,
[ra song:
"Golou l'mama", by Rayan]
[Roland] Hey!
How are you ? I didn't
even stop to take a shower,
Besides, I forgot
to trigger it, too bad,
So, the bride?
They gave him a
sedative on the plane,
- For what ?
- Because she is Jewish,
It becomes nonsense,
the planes,
Oh, big guy!
- Oh, my son, excuse me, I,,,
- How are you ?
- So, your fiance?
- Exactly, mom gave you,,,
I don't want her to be
embarrassed when she wakes up,
Let her realize she slept,
Go to the pool, well join you,
- All right,
Well, I continue a little, je
sens que j'en ai sous le pied,
We see each other at the pool,
Allez, tal' !
"In Tal ',,,"
Tu es sr que a va aller ?
[Fiona farts]
Oui, je vais la rveiller doucement
avec des caresses, des clins,
No, I will say nothing!
- On a atterri ?
- Yes, we are at the hotel,
- Cool,
- Mais tu as bav sur ma mre,
I didn't snore at least?
Non, a, non,
Wow, the bastard hotel,
- Je t'avais pas menti,
- Better than Aquaboulevard, Frrot,
Arrte de m'appeler "frrot",
- Ok, cousin,
- Non plus,
a marche,
[des enfants crient]
Juliette, watches the children,
Norbert, Anne-Claire,
Casper, We don't run!
- Pierrick, donnons-leur les tablettes,
- The screens, it stupid,
Bon, vous lchez ces pistolets !
No, come back here!
- Hm !
- Ah, are they here?
La fiance de votre frre a
eu un petit souci dans l'avion,
So they are in their
room, ils vont venir aprs,
How is she?
- Who ?
- How is the fiance?
Oh, elle est trs,,, trs,,,
Well, what,
Elle est trs bien,
Well, we know that in the past,
Benot a fait des mauvais choix,
There he enters
a new phase,
Oui, pardonnons-lui les
scandales, Billing investments, lies,
Les investissements foireux,
The blackmail,
- Bien foireux,
- And,,,
Good !
You're heavy, Pierrick,
Un peu d'eau ?
Tea,
Eh ben oui, voil,
They do like that, right?
Po, po, po, je suis dans
un palace Marrakech !
- It kills!
- Arrte avec a,
- Have your parents helped everything?
- Voil,
- Vous mangiez pas de ptes, vous,
- Linguine,
H, personne m'insulte en italien,
It's not an insult, it's ,,,
Je m'occupe de la
chambre, Stop with that,
Je prends le lit du haut, vu ?
Norbert!
Oh ! Excuse-toi !
To me, do you give me a finger?
Viens ici, btard,
I'll get you in the air!
Revenez ici !
Come back, little bastards!
-Swarm!
- Fucking stupid heels,
- Advance !
What I'm going
to do to them, Oh !
I insist, I would like with a
view of the swimming pool,
Of course,
- It's for my fiance, she,,,
- Bunch of bastards!
Come back here, you little bastards!
- Pardon,
- Sir ?
We're almost there!
Come back here!
Holy shit,
- Hey, old lady!
- You'll see!
Asshole,
- Sorry, push yourself!
- Oh !
[the woman screams]
It's not possible,
- Dad !
- What's going on?
- Come here, you little shit!
- What ?
Don't get involved in this,
- I advise you to,,,
- You, shut your mouth,
-Fiona?
- Yes ?
Solange, Benot's mother,
I came to the airport, but you were sleeping,
- Ah, delighted, Solange,
- You have found colors again,
- It's just the,,,
The little misbehaved,
This is Norbert,
my grandson,
Well yes,
Well, he was lucky,
I was going to punch the shit
out of him and his buffoon father,
Who is your son?
Pierrick, yes,
Pierrick,
Family, what?
[Solange] But sit down,
I sit down,
Pierrick, get Fiona some water,
- Of course,
- Water feels good,
- Yes,
Fiona?
I looked for you
everywhere, I worried,
But why? We get
to know each other,
Okay, great,
How are you ?
Great,
It's Fiona who's great, Where
did you find such a marvel?
Nobody finds me,
Okay, then, we
reserved for Japanese,
Non-fat raw fish for your father,
We have already eaten on the
plane, then Fiona is still fragile,
She needs to rest, Huh, baby?
Baby ?
Baby, you need to rest,
No, I'm going to
tan my ass instead,
Come on, see you for dinner,
See you later,
So, this is the model that
Benot is going to marry?
[Sidonie] Okay, she
looks a bit stupid,
but that's not
enough to be a model,
Wow,,,
Okay, for now,
Its going average,
I want you to impress them at dinner,
No more fighting and
no more bad words, OK?
Elegance and refinement,
- Can I take the bathrobe?
- Yes, but listen to me,
It's not going well, we're not ready,
Fiona, we're here for three days,
Everything has to go well, On the last day
there is an anniversary
luncheon for their wedding,
We have to hold on until then,
Can I take this too?
My mother's is broken,
Even the ironing board,
Listen to me,
Serious ? Wow,
I'm listening to you phew,
THANKS,
I'm going to give you
a little lesson on how
to work with slightly uptight bourgeois people,
Ass, yeah,
That shouldn't be said,
You're eating the decor, there,
The decor,
- OK, let's start again,
- Let's start again,
Hello, I'm Benot,
Hello, I'm Fiona, Without
a it sounds fion,
No,
Well no,
[oriental theme]
I can't stand this heat,
Oh well, there you go,
[NORBERT]
Lche-moi, arrte !
Do you plan to help your wife?
- Je suis cach !
- Of course, Juliette!
Il est derrire l'olivier !
[Juliette]
Que fais-tu l ?
It's not true!
a devient un problme, tes enfants,
- Juliette is exceeded,
Les enfants, au dodo !
Wait for me!
Dsole pour tout l'heure,
-If worry, if you need help,
je connais bien les enfants,
- It's true ?
- Yes,
- What are you doing ?
- Casper, loose the sir's leg,
OK, tu es juive et tu manges casher,
- Eh ?
- Come on, come,
Ah, Fiona, enfin,
Roland, the dad,
Enchant, beau gosse, a va ?
Well, the shirt,
Elle est,,,
Ouais, ouais,
I know, yes,
[rires]
Full,
Full, full, full,
Les enfants sont couchs,
Ouh, no, unhappy, Je vais prendre de l'eau ptillante,
- Plate,
- Y a moins de sel,
- Plate,
Je fais un rgime pour
retrouver ma taille mannequin,
- Ah,
- Justement,
Fiona, tu es mannequin, c'est a ?
- Quite,
- Yes,
2m mannequins are over,
Oh well yes,
And Fiona is a hand model,
- With hands?
- Yes, on the feet, too, sometimes,
But especially the hands,
She overtakes lots of stars,
his hands are highly sought after,
This hand is insured for
hundreds of thousands of euros,
- Really ?
- Yes, really,
That's 50,000,
There, there are 100,000,
150, 200, you know how to count,
- Who did you overtake?
- Secret,
Sophie Marceau, Virginie
Efira, Marion Cotillard,
- After,,,
- It's great, isn't it, darling?
- Yes,
- And even, once, Beyonc,
Yeah, sorry, isnt
Beyonc black?
Wow, a little racist,
anyway,
[Solange]
Be kind, Pierrick,
- Keep your opinions,
- Yes,
- What ? But,,,
- Shh,
Sir ?
From Batavia,
And it's my favorite,
You don't eat kosher?
[she spits]
Sorry, Roland,
Religion is important to me and,,,
- Yes of course,
Enjoy your food,
- It went well, didn't it?
- You spat on my father,
Yes, oh,,,
But Jewish or not, next
time, I tear apart a whole lamb,
Oh, I'm talking to you!
Susceptible,
Dad, I need to talk to you,
No, I can't, I'm bringing
ice cream for,,, your mother,
She loves it,
Well, basically, in
addition to celebrating your
wedding anniversary, which is a real pleasure,,,
- Of course, It's melting, sorry,
- We had to discuss the succession,
Do you know who mom will choose?
Yes, oh yes,
It's obvious, right? There
is only one possible choice,
Really ?
But, Sidonie,,,
I love you, dad,
Well no, not the cherry, anyway,
[someone is taking a shower]
Oh, what's the delirium?
Pass me a towel,
Take the hairdryer,
He is there,
Yes, he is there,
And a bathrobe,
He's going to take everything
from me, that's not true,
I thank you,
[Pierrick] Ah, dad,
Damn,,,
- I have to talk to you,
- Non, je dois apporter a ta mre,
Two minutes,
Ce week-end avait pour but, Besides
the immense joy we have to come ,,,
Oui, je sais, le but, It was
your mother's succession,
- Oui,
- Il n'y a qu'un choix possible,
Really ?
But, Pierrick ,,,
J'en tais sr,
Thank you, dad,
Merci,
Faut arrter de prendre les
cerises des gens, c'est pnible,
[someone enters]
[Roland]
Didn't you sleep?
Tu tais pass o ?
- Me ?
- HM,
Ben moi, je,,,
I did cardio in the room,
J'aime bien faire du
sport avant de me coucher,
A small shower after, and presto,
Et j'ai crois les enfants,
You really have to talk to Pierrick and
Sidonie, ils se demandent qui tu vas nommer,
What do you think of the little one?
- De Fiona ?
Listen,,,
It's not his type,
Je comprends,
mais il y a quand mme,,,
She's special, right?
J'aime pas juger,
But it is special,
- Yes, special, special,,,
- Do you think we missed
Benot's education?
- So there,,,
- Yes,
We spoiled him too much,
I don't feel like I spoiled
him too much at all,
It's my fault, right?
No,,,
- Say it,
- I'm not saying that,
She has just arrived, this little one,
So, you see,,,
We'll give him some time,
Yes,
Yes, you are right,
I have to talk about the succession
with Pierrick and Sidonie, right?
Yes,
It's a good idea,
Hmm,
[insect stridulations]
Phew!
We came close to disaster,
We're going to do some coaching again to avoid screwing up everything,
- I would rather go to a club,
No, coaching, and then sleep,
Okay, bro,
For the thousandth
time, stop with brother,
Well, I will say that you
are sick, you will stay here,
No, no,
I'm listening to you,
Look at,
Dear friend,
Can you pass me the
bread, please? I love toast,
Hmm, hm, hm,
Slurp!
- Hmm, hm, hm, hm, hm,
-Fiona,
Be just natural,
Mais pas trop naturelle,
If you could think a little before
you speak, it would be great,
Puis n'oublie pas : faut qu'on sente que
tu m'adores, Do not hesitate to give details,
Que a fasse un peu plus crdible,
Kind, on my beauty grains,
mes fossettes, a, c'est bien,
- dimples, ok,
- Vas-y,
Darling, can you pass me
the bread with your long arms?
Bien sr, mon cur,
What do you know about?
J'ai envie de toi,
You are going crazy,
Attends, Fiona,,,
What, "Fiona"?
Il y a cru, le con !
- No,
- Yes, you strips!
Mais pas du tout,
Yes, banding!
C'est qui la grande actrice ?
Nique his mother, Marion Cotillard,
J'y ai pas cru du tout,
- You strips of phew!
- C'est le pli du pantalon,
Okay, come on, in bed,
- Oh, tu vas o, l ?
- In my room,
Et moi, je dors o ?
No, the first to arrive in
the room takes the bed,
Si tu veux,
[Fiona] Gagn !
He bandaged, the idiot!
- Je bandais pas !
- Yes, you bandaged!
[musique orientale au loin]
[He receives a message]
[thme inquitant]
[He sighs]
[quelqu'un frappe]
Benot, it's mom!
[elle frappe nouveau]
- Benot?
- Oui, maman, j'arrive !
Well, are you going to
open your mother, yes?
[thme oriental et enjou]
Benot!?
[elle tambourine la porte]
Fiona, Fiona!
- Fiona !
- Not school!
J'ai rien fait !
Wake up, my mother is outside,
Pff !
Mom, have you been tapping for a long time?
- Mille ans,
- You exaggerate,
- Salut, Soso,
This mess! Tu me rends folle, toi,
- [she hits her buttocks]
- Oui,
Fiona, je voulais vous proposer
un moment tranquille entre filles,
I privatized the spa,
Non, on voulait passer la
matine au lit, hein, bb ?
But you are tireless, you,
Ouh ! Ouh!
Ouh !
Ouh ,,,
- Tu devais faire un tennis avec papa,
- Ah yes, shit,
- Comment ?
- Zut,
Fiona,
I get dressed and we go,
You're an animal, you,
With your moles and your socks,
She meant, my dimples,
not my socks,
In the morning, when she
doesn't have coffee, she's,,,
So, tennis with dad,
I'm going to change,
["Shape of you (Arabic
Version)", by Rachid Aseyakhe]
Sorry, I'm late,
It doesn't matter,
give up tennis,
Don't you want to go
have breakfast together?
I know a great little cafe,
Do you like coffee?
- Yes,
- Perfect,
- Aziz!
- Oui ?
Tiens,
Alors, tu
cours, tu
cours, tu cours, tu cours,
- All right,
- Thank you, the friend,
Allez, viens,
[Roland] Ah ,,,
- C'est pas du caf, a,
- No,
It's "mahia", une
eau-de-vie base de dattes,
Unlike coffee, a
n'empche pas de dormir,
Enjoy your food,
Oh ! There, there!
Vas-y, c'est sans gluten,
It's not even 10 a,m,
Et ?
Sant,
[il tousse]
Ah OK,
Ah, it's fire, what,
a passe bien, hein ?
Take a merguez,
Papa, Ds que je rentre
Paris, I organize marriage,
On s'aime trop avec Fiona,
We want to wait any longer,
a va, c'est une de temps en temps,
Do you know it's an appetite suppressant?
Eh ouais,
Don't you think it's a
bit quick for a wedding?
Ta mre veut inviter la
Terre entire, tu sais ?
Yes,
Be Seha,
Be seha,
We want to make a little
wedding, Petit comit, simple,
If you do that, your mother
will never forgive you,
NOW,
if it's a question of money,,,
Well yes,
I can't afford to
have a big wedding,
And then, compared to Fiona, I don't want to be the
daddy's boy who lets his
parents pay for everything,
- It's not my style,
- I understand,
Well, we'll make you
a little discreet transfer,
Then it's you who will manage everything,
Come on, here,
Dry ass,
Rha!
What's already inside?
[lapping]
Hmm!
[Fiona] What
is this tuft?
- How ?
- Soso, you can't stay with
a vintage schneck like that,
[Sidonie whispers]
I will explain to you,
I was a beautician,
Sidonie, go give yourself a
scrub, I take care of your mother,
And put something on the,,,
There, there is everything,,,
Oh! There, there!
- You're sure, right?
- Yes, I prepared a mixture of wax and honey for you,
After that, you will
have a convertible key,
A touch?
Well yes,,, Come on
Soso, count to 3 threes,
A,
[scratch]
[Solange screams]
Ah, Aziz,
Thank you, Aziz,
[his cell phone vibrates]
- Thank you so much,
- I'll join you, dad,
- I'm going to have a coffee,
- Okay,
- Yeah, Emily?
- I'm sorry for letting you go,
- You got me into trouble,
- It's a big campaign,
- Well, listen,,,
- [Sidonie] Great, your fiance!
She waxed mom's pussy!
- Well done !
- What ?
[Emily] Benot?
Mom, I'm working here,
Yes, I'm on a big job,
Everyone adores me like hell,
It's great,
- I kiss you,
-Fiona?
- Hey, I didn't even pay,,,
- What did you do to my mother?
- You wanted us to become friends,
- Not by making him the swimsuit!
It had to be said,
What, not to wax my
mother? But you're stupid,
Hey,
Shut up,
My father is going to send me a
transfer, so you don't screw it up,
So you stay
in the room,
-Fiona?
- Hmm,
It's not possible
to be that stupid!
What did she do to mom!?
Well,,,
You heard,
She is a beautician
model, c'est a ? Anything !
- This story is not clear!
- Elle est l,
What ?
Not moved,
C'est cause de Benot, a,
He stresses me to play the ideal
son, il redevient un srieux candidat,
He arrives as if by chance when
mom is going to name her replacement,
Ou son remplaant,
Eh ?
Or his replacement,
Bien sr,
Oui, bien sr,
On va pas le laisser faire,
- Well no,
- Dtends-toi,
- We're going to take care of it,
- Tu as raison,
Oui,
On va pas se laisser
faire, a va aller,
- Always there,
- Bon, c'est termin pour moi,
- I'm going to make a plouf, more,
- Bisous,
[il souffle]
[He strikes]
Oh, Benot ?
Dad,
Are you okay, my big one?
Oui, et toi, mon papa ?
[Solange] Roland, donne un pourboire
et viens t'occuper de ma chachatte,
Mom has a new little teuche,
Toute douce,
I just wanted to apologize for ,,,
- De ?
Fiona, le spa,
Oh no, drop it, it's okay,
It's much better than before,
Roland?
Meow, meow, meow!
I'll leave you, dad,
Ah, Benedict,
We're all going to have lunch together,
Great, but Fiona won't
be there, she's a little tired,
We value his presence with your mother,
Then afterwards, between two glasses of
detox juice, We'll talk about your marriage, right?
That works,
Rolaaand!
[Benedict]
I'll leave you,
Fiona? What are you doing ?
- You speak to me too badly, I'll break up,
- Put down this iron and listen to me,
I don't listen,
I came to be of service, I
could even have ken with you,
But there, "ciao
bello", as they say here,
It's Italian,
Oh yeah?
And what is Fuck your mother?
From French,
Make some room for me,
Go ahead, Aziz, put on the rubber,
[Benot] Fiona,
Come on, this is ridiculous,
Aziz, put the eraser on,
[the engine slips]
Fiona,
Crush it, Aziz,
[the engine slips]
Come on, ciao,
Wait, Fiona,
- I was unfair, sorry,
- Call me a taxi,
- I don't want you to go,
- La dbile s'en bat les steaks,
I ask you forgiveness,
C'est moi le dbile,
I really need you,
OK, je,,,
I owe money to dangerous guys,
- De Sarcelles ?
- No,
- From St-Ouen?
- Non,
- De Vitry ?
- No,
- d'Orly?
- Des mecs de Paris intra-muros,
Okay, the next time you talk
to me bad, I'm smashing you,
Et je veux 400 euros en plus,
No, 500,
- la base, je prvoyais 5 000 euros,
- Well, it's 500 or nothing, that's it,
OK,
5,000 euros,
toujours la mme blague,
Come on, in the room,
et que a saute !
Faster!
- Je veux pas y aller !
- Come here, children!
Tu vas o, Kader ?
- Let go, you,
- Oh, c'est ta future tata !
I jerk off,
a va pas ou quoi ?
Mom is not happy, Norbert!
C'est un enfant, Violence
has never resolved anything,
Je vais lui
parler Kader,
- Sure?
- Oui,
Bon, OK,
We meet at the pool,
- Yes,
- Then be firm,
- Oui, oui,
- Venez, les enfants,
[Children]
H, on va o ?
Go ahead, eat the earth, eat!
Alors, c'est qui ta tata prfre ?
- Madam,,,
- Shut up !
- Who is it ?
- It's you,
- Vous, qui ?
- Tata!
Voil, c'est a,
- Did you understand?
- Oui,
Lve-toi, c'est bon,
Take your hat,
Attends-moi !
- [Casper] Leave me, no!
- [Juliette] Stop, a suffit !
Stay quiet, Casper,
C'est insupportable,
- It pisses!
- Oh, pff !
[Casper]
Je vais la piscine !
What did you do?
Ils vont me tuer, ces gosses,
Kader wants to take
care of the little ones, huh?
Oui, tata,
-It's good,
- Let your mother enjoy a little,
- D'accord, tata,
Come on,
Without running!
Ils sont adorables,
How did you do?
Tu sais, il suffit
d'tre pdagogique,
I think Kader loves the
earth,
tu devrais le
mettre au jardinage,
- THANKS,
Please,
Hi,
You're not banal,
Reste bien tranquille,
- Ah, Benot,
- Maman,
Ton pre et moi,
We were
in the room to solve
administrative problems about ,,,
Bon, je t'embte
pas avec les dtails,
I'm hungry, we're going to have lunch,
Non, on va plutt rester ici,
- Did you think it was a question?
- Ben oui, t'as cru quoi ?
What is the
ironing board?
L'administratif avec maman,
How is it?
Bon, je vais mon
cours de "coursplif",
- CrossFit,
- Oui,
- Tu manges pas avec nous ?
- Let your father train,
Il a dj mang dans la chambre,
[Solange]
Allez, Benot,
Choukran,
[les enfants rient et crient]
[Fiona] Kader!
[Casper]
One two three !
Wow!
Shit !
Can you stop it?
Pardon, il savait
pas que a mouillait,
Fucking Kids,
T'as dit quoi, Donald Trump ?
Stay quiet,
What ?
It's you, "fuck", Fuck ta mre ! Go
where I tear you away from your wig,
[les enfants crient]
Go ahead!
Elle a un truc avec les enfants,
Pierrick, above all, does not move,
Je suis avec les Japonais, l,
Arigato Gozaimasu,
Juliette ?
[Sidonie] Moi, j'ai pas voulu d'enfants
parce que mon bb, It's the box,
Pas de mari, pas
d'enfant, tu me rends fire,
[Children]
C'est la guerre !!
[Benot]
Tu es dure, maman,
That's not what I want for her,
Elle gche sa vie, cette idiote,
[Fiona]
Vas-y, ramasse ta perruque !
[Children] He has no hair!
[rires]
It is not conventional,
your ass,
Elle est rafrachissante, I
speak like an old bourgeois,
En tout cas, je supporte
100% Your idea to get married,
D'ailleurs, mon Benot, si tu veux revenir
travailler avec nous, j'ai
un beau bureau pour toi,
Thank you, mom,
[Sidonie] Damn, it was his plan from the start,
- videmment,
- Il dbarque avec sa fiance,,,
- You're looped,
Il veut prendre ma
place de prsident,
My place of president,
You and me are the
same, The enemy is him,
Yes, I'm with you on this one,
You're sweaty,
Oh, gross,
[the children] We want
to go in a hot air balloon!
I don't have the strength,
You promised,
Yes, but sometimes we say
things and we don't do them,
You promised,
- I can take them,
- Well no,
Well yes, I relax now,
Okay, here we go,
- I can manage alone,
- I prefer to come,
Because she tells you,
Well yes,
[Solange]
I have to go get daddy,
We have Pilates in ten minutes,
Take it easy with dad,
He is addicted to sports, You
would see his scores on his watch,,,
I'm coming with you,
I don't spend enough time with
my beloved nieces and nephews,
Come on,,,
[Solange] You know that if
things go badly, you can't fire them,
[Pierrick laughs]
Well yes,
Come on, let's
go, bad troop!
Get off your ass!
Have fun,
Let's get to know each other, cool,
It's cooler here,
[oriental theme]
Its crazy stuff!
- Take it easy, children!
- Leave them, they're having fun,
This way we can talk a
little, We are never quiet,
- You are going to become my sister-in-law,
- It's true,
The problem is, I don't
believe in your love story at all,
Where are the children?
Forget the children,
You never kiss,
not a complicit gesture,
I must have seen Benot
naked more often than you,
- That's weird,
- He loved walking around naked,
I can draw his cock
with my eyes closed,
Me too,
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah,
Come on,
Do you draw
hot air balloons?
Um,,, yes,
It's not okay, you weirdos!
- They are deflated,
- Well yes,
Okay, come on,
A,
- Two,
- Three,
- Oh yeah,
- Oh yeah, all the same,
- You've never seen her, actually,
- If,
Show your drawing,
Actually, I missed it,
Okay, come on, whats the scam?
There's no scam,
- Where are the children?
- Who are you, a michto?
Are you talking about me?
- [breath]
- Fuck!
Arrtez le ballon !
Wow!
Arrtez, descendez !
Kader! Kader !
Yes ?
Tata is coming, children!
Salut, tata !
[breath of the burner]
[elle crie]
Go down!
Descendez !
[She shouts]
[rires]
No, nooo!
[elle hurle]
[The Blate Dromadary]
[Pierrick] Ah,
So what did you discover?
Que les enfants sont cingls, You
have messed up their education,
C'est pas une grande dcouverte, a,
- How did it go? La vrit,
- Well, well,
Enfin, les enfants
se sont envols seuls
dans une montgolfire, But if not, well, frankly,
C'est pour qui, a ?
For tomorrow's lunch,
Mes parents t'apprcient,
They are ok for the wedding,
Ma mre m'a fait un virement,
We succeeded,
Je t'avais dit que j'tais chanme,
It's nice,
La dernire fois qu'un mec m'a gte, He
gave me a Greek with Harissa supplement,
Merci,
Moi aussi, j'ai un cadeau,
Take off your shirt,
- The length is perfect there,
- So, you are a VTC
driver, telemarketer, beautician
and you are a hairdresser,
No, I had a problem with my CAP,
A dirty story, Since then,
I've had trouble getting hired,
My dream would be
to open my own salon,
It's good, Come
on, admire yourself,
[he sighs]
That's not bad,
- You're good, actually,
- Well yes,
Ask your mother
if she's not happy,
Yes,,,
[the cell phone vibrates]
I have the big tuft image,
- Come on,
- It's good,
Here are your keys, sir,
[hubbub]
What ?
It looks like you've gained weight,
It's water,
I drink a lot of water,
It makes me swell,
It's water retention,
What is Benot doing?
Sidonie, call him,
Tell him we made a
reservation at 8 p,m,
- I'm on it, Dad,
- Then do it,
Good morning, I'm looking
for Benot Aubry-Duval,
I am his fiance,
This is the home stretch,
Tomorrow we celebrate my parents'
wedding anniversary and that's it,
- It'll be OK ?
- Yes, don't worry,
It's better like this,
Well, come on,
Sorry for the delay,
On the contrary, you arrive
at exactly the right time,
[Emily] My darling,,,
I hope you didn't plan the
whole wedding without me,
- Who is this girl, Benot?
- Yes, Benot, who is it?
Who is it ? Did you
go to the hairdresser?
Anyone else want to know who this is?
- Me,
[Roland] Benot,
Who is it ?
It's Emily, she's my fiance,
That I left
for Fiona,
And ?
It's a light explanation,
[Pierrick]
Wait, wait,
Did you leave Emily for Fiona?
Have you
seen your face?
The situation is a bit awkward,
Emily, really,
you embarrass everyone,
Sorry, I know this
is difficult for you,
I love Fiona and we're getting married,
All right,
All right,
Is it for her that you left me?
Wait,
Are you talking about me?
Ah!
- Damn!
- Sorry, she took for everyone,
Too much innuendo,
Fallait que a parte,
Emily,
Emily, attends,
I feel guilty, I come
and I get assaulted?
Srieux, tu as
vu ma gueule ?
I'm sorry,
Do you just say?
C'est qui cette fille, srieux ?
It's complicated,
Ouais, ben,
Good luck for the future,
[il soupire]
[Solange]
Allez, Benot, nous t'coutons,
I sprain my diet because
I am upset, On t'coute,
- Yes, I was with Emily,
- Il n'y a pas si longtemps,
- She's a bit crazy,
- Bien sr, les femmes sont des hystriques,
I didn't want to say that,
La vrit, c'est qu'on a
parl mariage avec Emily,
Then I knew Fiona,
a a t un coup de foudre et je
veux que ce soit elle ma femme,
- Roland, answer him,
- Ben,,,
So one day, it's Emily, the next
day, Fiona, Et la semaine prochaine ?
- It was not overnight,
- Ben non,
Yes, it got along, mais
a s'est pas chevauch,
Nothing to do,
It's not clear,
Je vous aurais prsent
Fiona si j'tais pas sr ?
No,,,
Roland, answer him, Bon,
Fiona, prenez un peu le temps,
is not a few months old,
- Si, justement,
If,
Because Fiona ,,,
est enceinte,
- What ?
- What ?
- What ?
- Fiona is pregnant,
Elle veut se marier avant d'accoucher,
- Yes,
Relation to his religion,
qui est le judasme,
Roland, answer him,
Roland,,,
Ben ,,,
Mazel tov,
[Stidulations of insects]
Tu en veux ?
I can't, I'm pregnant,
On va leur dire quoi dans neuf mois ?
That you lost the baby,
Et que notre couple n'a
pas survcu cette tragdie,
Until then, I will have settled my things,
Je perds mon bb
et toi, tu me quittes ?
You're a junk, actually,
T'es capable de tout,
Imagine the pain of
the people who love you,
Je parle de tes parents,
I hate you,
Tu as raison,
C'est nul ce que j'ai fait,
I'm sorry,
I'll add a bonus to you,
- Do you offer me money?
- Hm, hm,
I'm not shit,
Me touche pas !
But I only have a word,
J'irai au bout, mais aprs,
I want to see you anymore,
[thme mlancolique]
Fiona,
Fiona ! We're going to be late!
Fiona !
Fiona!
Crie pas, je suis l,
Ah yes, you are very ,,,
C'est a, va t'habiller,
We're going to be late,
Oui, pardon,
Oh, my children,
Je vous attendais,
- Are you okay, Fiona?
- Oui,
Tu es sublime,
Thank you, Roland,
- Bon anniversaire, papa,
- THANKS,
You give me the
most beautiful gifts,
Ce bb,
c'est,,,
It is happiness,
[Roland sanglote]
Come on,
Hey, mom,
Joyeux anniversaire de mariage,
Oh, my darlings, you ,,,
Vous m'avez,,,
You moved us,
Vous ferez des
parents extraordinaires,
Extraordinary,
- Et comme vous voulez vous marier,,,
- Tell them,
- Alors,,,
- Nous allons clbrer votre union aujourd'hui,
This place will
bring you happiness,
Quoi ?
Alors, on,,,
My son,
It's beautiful,
- Wow, we are completely,,,
- Yes,,,
We are surprised,
- But,,,
- I can't get married,
I can't get
married because,,,
Because it's impossible
without my mother, we can't,
Impossible without his mother,
And she's right, Come on, Fiona,
Impossible without his mother,
- Where are we going?
- But yes,
You can't get married
without your mother,
- So, I took the liberty,,,
- [wedding march on violin]
To invite your mother
and your two brothers,
And also, - Mr,
Rabbi,
- Oh,
So,
- Who is this guy, actually?
- Shh!
Don't shame me in
front of my rich in-laws,
[she shouts ululations]
My darling, its happiness!
Thank you, she's my mother,
What is your Hebrew first name?
Uh,,,
- It is,,,
- Since when has she been Jewish?
Don't complicate everything,
She's Jewish, period, Shut up,
- Your Hebrew first name?
- It is,,,
- It's Rachel,
- Rachael,
Rachael,
It comes from the Hebrew
"rahel" which means sheep,
It finds its origins
in the Old Testament,
C'est la deuxime pouse de Jacob,
But it is especially the first name
of Jennifer Aniston
in "Friends",
[tout le monde ricane]
It's true,
Benot Blaise Antoine Aubry-Duval,
Blaise, comme saint Blaise,
Apostle and martyr of ,,,
Du dbut du 4e sicle,
And that we celebrate the 10th
day after the octave of the epiphany,
Connu pour avoir invent
l'expression : " l'aise, Blaise,"
So, Fiona Rachel Lepic, do you
want to take for husband
Benot Blaise Antoine Aubry-Duval ?
- Yes, I want it,
- Benot Blaise
Antoine Aubry-Duval, voulez-vous
prendre pour pouse
Fiona Rachel Lepic?
Non,
Fiona et moi, on
n'est pas en couple,
She is not pregnant,
Je le savais !
I knew it! Je le savais !
From the start, I knew!
Cette fille incroyable
a aid un pauvre
type faire quelque chose de dgueulasse,
I met her in her uber,
Elle a accept de jouer ma fiance
parce que j'tais dans la merde,
It doesn't matter, we're
here, Come on, get married,
I borrowed money
from bad people,
I didn't have the courage
to be honest with you,
Well, well done, Benot!
Well done !
Great, you put
us all to shame!
[violent slap]
Shut your mouth,
I don't know if you
can forgive me,
[melancholic song]
Solange!
You can be proud of yourself,
Sorry,
Hello, Mr, Duval,
Hello, Peter,
Mom, thank you for having me,
I wanted you to know,,,
I wanted you to know that,,, Pff!
Angel,
Hey,
She's tough in business, your
mother, But we found an arrangement,
- Really ?
- Hmm,
She's the one you
should be afraid of,
She's more dangerous than me,
This weekend did
not go as I had hoped,
We haven't talked about
the future of the group,
But what Benot did,,,
Shut up,
And by observing you, I realized that
if I had achieved
things professionally,
I had also missed a
lot on the family level,
No, mom,
Benot's attitude,,,
Shut up,
I'm going to stay at the head
of Duval Mtal for a while,
You will work
together, like a family,
To prove to me who will be
worthy of taking my place,
- Mom, I don't want your place,
You will be withheld from your
salary everything I paid to Ange,
Pierrick, you are going to take advantage of
this to finally take care
of your children a little,
And Sidonie, this company
is not a family, it's a job,
So find yourself a husband,
All right,
But I need one
last advance,
He's completely crazy,
It's important,
Listen to me carefully,,,
It's granted!
We're waiting for you
Monday morning, at 9 a,
m,
Don't be late, huh?
We are very particular
about punctuality,
10 a,
m,
will be great, darling,
10 a,
m,
is good too, [Benedict] No, it's not a joke, move on, If it's a twisted
sex game, it's dead, Okay, there you go, What the hell are you doing here?
What is that?
Je te prsente ton salon,
- But no,
- But yes,
- Mais non,
- Si, si,
- No,
- Good, These are the keys,
Le mot d'ordre, c'est : chic, classe et lgance,
- It tears his mother,
On est chez moi, l !
I will be your first client,
Viens, on va visiter,
Tell me,
[The mother]
Mais c'est le top du top !
You don't touch my sister, tu ouvres un
salon de coiffure, tu mets des pantalons serrs,
It's cool, but I captured,
Super, mec, on est ensemble,
We captured you, Mais c'est cool,
- SO ?
- THANKS,
What did he want my brother?
Savoir pourquoi il s'est
rien pass entre nous,
- Because you're not phew, Frrot,
- Waouh,
- I'm still not your brother,
- Non,
[la mre] Mais sinon,,,
I don't put pressure on you,
mais c'est quand le mariage ?
[Youyous]
Maman,
Arrte, l, tu fous la honte !
My darling,,,
She is kind, mais elle
croit que j'ai quatre ans,
["When you look at
me", de Christina Milian]
Damn,
O je vais trouver un mari, moi ?
Where do I drop you off?
Combien vous gagnez par jour ?
[Fiona howls]
Descendez ! Go down!
Kader, je vais lcher !
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