Piranha (1978) Movie Script
(TENSE MUSIC)
[WOMAN] It's got to lead somewhere.
Well, we'll stop and
make camp pretty soon.
Got your breath?
Let's go.
(TENSE MUSIC)
What is this?
It doesn't look like
anyone's been around here
for a while.
Let's go inside and check it out.
Think we should?
Barbara, who's going
to know the difference?
- Here we go.
- Okay.
Besides, a little
iawbreaking'll do you good.
(BARBARA LAUGHS)
[BARBARA] I wonder why this
place wasn't on your map.
[MAN] Maybe it's
supposed to be a secret.
Maybe.
Far out!
(TENSE MUSIC)
Feels great.
Come on, let's wash off
so it won't be so funky
in that sleeping bag.
What if somebody catches us?
Who's gonna catch us?
There's nobody here.
Let's get wet!
Last one in is a rotten egg.
Oh, that's really original.
Wait a minute.
What?
What if this is some kind of a
sewage treatment plant or something?
Idiot.
(WATER SPLASHES)
(BARBARA LAUGHING)
Oh, now you're gonna get it!
Oh!
How is it?
Here I come!
(WATER SPLASHES)
(FOREBODING MUSIC)
Hey, that's not funny!
What?
Well, you bit me.
I can't believe you actually bit me.
What do I look like, a
creature from the black lagoon?
You are paranoid, kid.
Listen, I'll race you to the deep end!
Well, something bit me!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Barbara!
Barbara, there's something in here!
David!
(DAVID SHOUTING)
David!
David?
David!
David!
(BARBARA SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(OWL HOOTING NEARBY)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(WATER LAPPING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(ARCADE GAME CHIMING)
[ANNOUNCER] Paging Mr. Patrick hoppy.
Mr. Patrick hoppy to the white
courtesy telephone, please.
(ARCADE GAME BEEPS)
Rent a Jeep?
She'll be traveling on
unpaved mountain roads
and unless you want to be...
All right, all right,
all right, where do I sign?
(ARCADE GAME BEEPS)
[ANNOUNCER] The white zone
is for immediate loading...
Okay, we're all set and
when you get to Indian Springs
you'll get a Jeep.
The roads are very rough there.
No sweat.
Hey, look, I can handle it.
Oh, I know you can.
I wouldn't send you if I
didn't think you could.
Come on, come on.
Wait, wait, wait.
(ARCADE GAME SQUELCHES) Got ya!
I found the bigamist, didn't I?
Right.
And the bad check lady, Mrs. Pilgrim.
Right.
And I found moe Schneider.
Yeah, three times, but
those were all in town.
You're strictly a city kid and
these kids are way out in the boon...
I can find anything, Earl.
I'm two-thirds bloodhound.
I told you that when you hired me.
[ANNOUNCER] Paging Mr. Bo wax.
Bo wax come to the white
courtesy telephone.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh, my ticket!
I could have sworn I put it in my pocket!
Where's my ticket?
I can manage it.
Of course you can.
It's money in the bank.
My money.
(AIRPLANE RUMBLING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(DOG BARKING)
(MAN WHISTLES)
Hey, Brandy.
How are you, huh?
- Hey, Paul!
- Hey, old man.
Lagging behind, huh? (LAUGHS)
I'm telling you, this hike from town
is getting longer every week.
You oughta get a car, Jack.
I got a car.
It's up on blocks,
that's where it belongs.
(PAUL CLAPS)
Scotch.
Gin.
Bourbon.
(JACK LAUGHS)
Tequha!
Ah! (LAUGHS)
You're the seventh cavalry, Jack.
You know, I just ran dry today.
Your cornmeal is down there,
but I ain't gonna walk
down there and get it.
Man cannot live by booze alone.
In lieu of rent.
Okay, that's fine.
So what's up in town?
Same as usual.
I bet you miss it, Jack, huh?
I bet you miss selling whatever it was,
that plastic fruit.
No.
Got the river.
It wakes me up in the morning.
Gives me a bath.
Does my laundry. (LAUGHS)
Gives me dinner.
Puts me to sleep real gentle.
I got my river.
I got Brandy.
What do you got up here?
I got scotch, gin, bourbon, and Tequila.
What's it to you, anyhow?
Okay, buddy, I'll see you.
Okay, come on.
Come on, come on.
Take it easy, Brandy.
(BRANDY WHINES)
(JEEP RUMBLING)
(POP MUSIC ON RADIO)
(BRAKES SCREECH)
(WOMAN GROANS)
(STEAM HISSING)
Ah! (HOOD BANGS SHUT)
(HOOD SLAMS)
(FISH SIZZLING)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
It's open.
(DOOR CREAKS)
Paul grogan?
Hi, I'm Maggie mckeown.
I work for a skip-tracing company.
What's that?
We find missing people.
Did my ex-wife send you?
No.
I'm looking for a pair of teenage kids.
Some friends of theirs said that they
might have gone backpacking up here.
Well, I haven't seen 'em.
You talk to the sheriff's people?
[MAGGIE] They said
it was a big mountain.
They're right, it is.
Well, I figured they may
have followed along the river.
Are there any places to swim near here?
Well, if they'd drowned,
they'd be swept down
to the dam, you see.
So you're starting at the wrong end.
(SCOFFS) Boy, you're
the wrong end, all right.
Look, uh, am I interrupting something?
I mean, this is kind of important.
Hey.
You cool your jets, lady.
I didn't ax-murder your young couple.
I can't help you, I haven't seen 'em.
[MAGGIE] Are there any
other shacks up here?
Cabins.
This is a cabin.
Well, are there any more of them?
Any places where they might be holed up?
(SIGHS) Well, there's
an old fella named Jack,
has a place downriver a
bit, but he's not with them.
And there was some kind
of um, army test site
way up the mountain, but that closed down
five, six years ago.
Come on, let's go.
Go where?
You're taking me up there.
Oh, no, I'm not.
(PUDDLE SPLASHES)
You think I'm wasting
my time here, don't you?
No.
I think you're wasting my time.
(JEEP RUMBLING)
(METAL CLANGING)
(GATE CREAKS)
You find anything yet?
Not yet, but it's
still early in the day.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SHOUTING) David!
Barbara!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
What were they testing here?
Who knows?
I hiked up here once with my ex-wife.
They had guard dogs out,
the fence was electrified, the works.
Br, Barbara Randolph.
Hmm.
(TENSE MUSIC)
Man, that is cold.
Their parents said they
were both excellent swimmers.
Well, wouldn't they be
floating up on top by now?
It takes a while for the
body to bloat with gas.
Nice business you're in.
You think there's a way to
pull the plug on this thing?
(WATER BUBBLING)
Tropical fish?
Looks like it's for laboratory rats.
You know, where they
have to make it through
an obstacle course to get a reward.
Hmm.
(WATER BUBBLING)
Still warm.
(DOOR CREAKS)
(CREATURE CROAKS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
[PAUL] Come here.
Take a look at this.
(CREATURE GROWLING)
Let's get outta here.
This place gives me the creeps.
(WATER BUBBLING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
Hey, wait, you...
Well, they've been here all right.
And they never left.
I say we drain the pond.
Well, now.
Now, wait a minute.
I mean, you can't do that without
getting somebody's permission, you know.
Well, if it still works
it's the quickest way
to know if they're down there or not.
What are you doing?
(RUMBLING) You!
Wait!
(MAGGIE SHOUTS)
(ALARM RINGING)
(BLOWS LANDING)
Are you all right?
He's breathing.
No thanks to you.
Well, what was I supposed to do?
He had you by the throat!
I woulda got loose in a second.
Oh!
Look at this!
You put a dent in it!
Could I have a sip of that, please?
It's not water.
(MAGGIE COUGHS)
(CREATURE SQUAWKS)
What is it?
Water's salty.
Where does this drain to?
It was a fish hatchery
before the army took it over.
Probably drains
underground into the river.
Uh-oh.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I think it's a dog.
Well, I don't suppose they
would have fit through here.
Not in one piece.
You think he's all right up there?
(ENGINE REVVING)
Oh, shit!
(JEEP RUMBLING)
Oh, my god.
I guess I must have
left the keys in it, huh?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(JEEP CRASHING)
Oh...
[MAGGIE] He's alive!
He's indestructible.
Ah!
- Ah!
- Easy!
Easy, now, easy.
Easy.
Razorteeth.
What's razorteeth?
You drained the pond?
Yes, we found...
(SHOUTING) You let them out?
Let who out?
- You okay?
- Who'd we let out?
What's he doing?
You don't know what you've done!
Untie me!
Untie me, I've gotta...
The question is what
you've done, mister.
You don't know.
They breed like flies.
There'll be no way to stop them.
Would you talk sense, dammit?
Now, what about those kids?
I can't tell you.
I can't tell you.
Oh, mother of god, they'll kill us,
they'll kill all of us.
Okay, mister, listen.
They're gonna sweat it out of you in town.
They'll kill us.
What have we done?
(TENSE MUSIC)
(QUIETLY) Oh, my god.
(FROGS CROAKING NEARBY)
He thinks someone's going to kill him.
He's right.
I am, if he steps out of line.
Do you have any cigarettes?
No.
Quit a year ago.
Interfered with my drinking.
Hmm.
Do you mind if I come in for a minute?
Sure.
So did you start
drinking before or after?
[PAUL] Before or after what?
Your wife left you.
What the hell kind of question is that?
Look, I'm sorry, I mean,
I was just interested.
Do you mind if I sit here?
Go ahead.
How long were you married?
Hmm?
Um, 10 years.
She was just 17 when we
eloped in her father's car.
Man, we thought we had
the world by the balls.
Where'd you live?
In town.
I worked in a smelting
operation downriver.
Then the government closed us down,
said we were killing too many fish.
They gave it to the army
and the army sold it
to some resort outfit.
So you know that
somebody's making a bundle
somewheres along the line.
[MAGGIE] How do you make a living now?
Oh, back pay, unemployment.
I'm gonna have to go to
work come September, yeah.
Keep my daughter in saddle shoes.
Does your daughter live with you?
What's wrong?
Hmm?
You're so tense.
Hmm?
I don't know.
I guess I'm not used
to being around people.
Well, that's obvious.
I've been trying to hint
my way under the covers
for five minutes now.
[PAUL] You are really something.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BIRD CALLING)
There's no way that we're
gonna get this guy down to town
without your Jeep.
We have to do something.
You might have fractured his skull.
[PAUL] We gotta get him to the dam.
There's usually a ranger there.
How do we get there?
On a raft.
Come on, stop kidding.
How do we get there?
You'll see.
I read my daughter
huckleberry Finn last summer.
We wanted to light out
for the territories,
so we settled on this as a compromise.
Looks authentic.
Yeah, cut all the logs ourselves.
Not a single nail in her.
It's all lashing.
Where's your daughter now?
Summer camp, other side of the dam.
Just how sturdy is this thing?
Well, I think it'll hold three people.
Though to tell you the
truth, we never tried it.
My daughter's afraid of the river.
boys are made of greasy
grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
little dirty birdie feet
sneezed up snail snot
bashed-in beetle brains
all in a bottle of blood
boys are made of greasy
grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Suzie?
Suzie, honey, don't be scared.
You just have to swim out
to the marker and back.
You've probably swum
twice that far in a pool.
Well, if you don't pass your solo swim
you can can't get your water badge.
I don't care.
Well, what is it that
you're afraid of, honey?
Things.
You mean like sea monsters?
There's just a few little fish in here.
They eat plants at the
bottom of the river.
They're not at all interested in
little girl's fingers and toes.
[MAN] Dickinson!
Over here, Mr. Dumont!
Letter for you, Dickinson.
That same boy.
Oh, thank you!
Still haven't tackled
your solo swim, grogan?
No, sir.
Oh, she's kind of afraid
of things in the water.
Things?
What things?
Fish?
People eat fish, grogan,
fish don't eat people.
Do you want to be the one to lose
the camp competition for the minnows?
Of course you don't.
Oh, she's doing really
well in handicrafts.
Handicrafts?
Handicrafts don't take any
nerve, any intestinal fortitude.
You know what that means, grogan?
Yes, sir.
Right!
Is there any mail for her?
Mm, nope.
Skunked again, grogan.
Grogan!
Guts!
Oh.
Come on, let's go.
We'll play some monopoly.
Why don't we try it in an
inner tube tomorrow, huh?
Come on.
(FOREBODING MUSIC)
Say, Brandy.
Ever tell you about that other
dog of mine called Philip?
(WATER SPLASHES)
Well, Philip, he was in Baltimore with me.
He was a good dog.
He run across the street one day
(WATER SPLASHES)
And he walked right in
front of a trolley car.
Trolley car ran over his
tail, it surprised him.
He turned around and the trolley car,
I'm telling you a story!
The trolley car ran over his head.
That's what you call losing your head
over a little piece of tail.
Hey, pretty funny, huh? (LAUGHS)
(BRANDY WHINES)
Well, what's the matter with you?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
You didn't like the story?
You want me to tell you another story?
Maybe you didn't get the point.
(BRANDY WHINES)
(WATER BUBBLING)
(BRANDY BARKS)
Are you soft in the head?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(JACK SCREAMING)
(BRANDY BARKING)
(WATER SPLASHES)
Okay, my friend.
Number one: What happened to those kids?
Alright, then, try number two.
What were you doing up at the army site?
Stop that!
Oh, he speaks.
Keep your hand out of the water.
What's wrong with the water?
Since you're talking this morning,
buddy, how about a name?
Hoak, Dr. Robert hoak.
What's wrong with the water?
The water is filled
with carnivorous fish.
Piranha.
(LAUGHING) Oh, Christ.
In here?
How did they get in?
You let them in when you drained
the pond at the test site.
Piranha are tropical fish.
Look, this is cold mountain water.
They wouldn't last in here for a minute.
What about that skeleton?
Well, what would piranha
be doing up in that pond?
Huh?
Untie me.
Hey.
What if I dipped you in the
water a little bit first, doc?
See if you're making the
whole thing up or not, huh?
(BRANDY BARKING NEARBY)
Brandy!
That's Jack's dog.
Is he always so ferocious?
You know, I don't think I ever heard him
do more than roll over and beg for food.
(BRANDY BARKING)
We better take a look.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BRANDY BARKING)
(BRANDY WHINING)
Easy, boy, easy.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
He must have dragged himself this far.
Bled to death.
I'm sorry.
Well.
I'll get a shovel.
He wouldn't want to be buried in town.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DART THUDS)
Even in an inner tube, huh?
Uh-huh.
It's almost impossible to fall in.
But they can still get ya.
They, huh?
Okay.
Okay, if that's really
the way you feel about it,
I'll try and help you get out of the race.
But we've got to come up with an excuse.
Do not lie
I got poison Ivy!
So does everybody else in the camp.
Hey, maybe you could
just be getting your...
No, you're too young for that.
Huh?
Wait a minute, I have an idea.
Come with me.
Come here.
Come here, sit down here.
Let's see what we have in our magic box.
Alright, give me your knee.
Okay.
Get Darlene to take your
place in the race, okay?
And if dumont squawks, limp a lot.
And uh, I'll get you a
huge bandage for this.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Feels like this thing's
snagged on the bottom.
I got myself tangled in it, too.
You want me to help?
No, you better stay there.
You might tip the canoe.
I thought you knew all
about this kinda fishing.
From when you were a boy.
Listen, when I was a
boy we made our own nets
and made 'em right.
Jesus, feels like
something's snagged in here.
Did you get bit?
Ouch!
Dad!
Stay back!
Stay back!
Dad, dad!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Dad!
(WATER SPLASHING)
The government paid you?
Of course they paid.
Whether it's germ warfare,
the bomb, chemical warfare.
There's plenty of money, special agencies.
Oh, no, they pay.
They pay a lot better than
they do in private research.
For raising fish.
No, no.
It's a matter of genetics.
Radiation, selective breeding.
They called it operation razorteeth.
What was it all for?
To destroy the river systems
of the north Vietnamese.
Our goal was to develop a
strain of this killer fish
that could survive in cold water
and then breed at an accelerated rate.
We had everything.
Blank check.
And then the war ended.
You sound disappointed.
They poisoned the water.
After all that work.
They poisoned the water.
But some survived.
We developed a lot of mutants
and a few of them were
able to resist the poison.
They ate their own, their own dead,
and then began to breed
like some wild species.
Suddenly there were
hundreds, maybe thousands.
Our tax dollars at work, huh?
Well, that's science in the
service of the defense effort.
Sure.
Spreading strains of bacteria
in the subway system.
You put them in the river
where they could kill people.
Including civilians!
And little kids swimming in the rivers.
I never killed anybody.
If you want to talk about killing,
you talk to your politicians,
the military people.
No, no, I'm a scientist.
Kids in the water.
What?
They let the water through
every couple of days,
you know, to keep the level
steady on the new lake.
The resort's down there, the summer camp.
All those kids.
Come on!
(WATER SPLASHING)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
[CAMPER] Hey, stop splashing!
It was pure research.
No scrounging for Grant
money, no academic politics.
You don't know what that
means to a scientist.
You kept them alive.
I continued the experiment.
There was so much more I
could do with the species.
So much further I could take them.
You're not holding me responsible?
I think you are.
You pulled the plug and
you're holding me responsible?
Incredible.
You're blaming me!
I think if you open your mouth again
I'll stick this pole in it.
Do you think they've
opened up the dam yet?
I don't know.
We can only hope not.
[BOY] Daddy.
Help me!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
[PAUL] Let's move it!
[MAGGIE] It's sinking, Paul.
The canoe is sinking.
[PAUL] Yeah.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Daddy?
Daddy!
Daddy, it's going under!
Don't do it!
(WATER SPLASHING)
Get outta there!
Come on, Maggie.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(DR. HOAK SCREAMING)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
Help!
Hold it here!
Hold it!
(DR. HOAK SCREAMING)
Come on!
Come on, come here!
Come on, come on, come on!
Get the doctor!
Okay, now the doctor!
(WATER BUBBLING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Easy, doc.
Here.
Here you go.
What do we do?
How do we stop 'em?
Oh, Christ.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Campers!
No swinging after lunch!
(PHOTO TEARS)
[PAUL] So far we know that
they can live in cold water.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
They seem to be moving downstream.
We've gotta find someone who knows
how to deal with these things.
(TENSE MUSIC)
There'll be a phone at the dam.
We can call on ahead.
What?
I don't know.
It seems like the lashing's working loose.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
Paul.
There's something under us.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
It's the doc's blood.
It's seeping through.
They're eating away at
the lashing to get to it.
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
Daddy!
Let go, son.
But the man!
No, we gotta get rid of him.
No, that's what happened to my daddy!
Let go!
They're eating him.
They're eating him!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come here!
Just like my daddy!
Come here!
(THRILLING MUSIC)
You okay, boy?
How about you?
I'm alright.
You gotta stay here.
I'm gonna try to get to the dam
before they let 'em
through with the water.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(AIR HORN BLOWING)
(PLAYFUL MUSIC ON TV)
(TOOL CLANGING)
Acres and acres of reclaimed land
nestled in a scenic mountain valley,
site of the newly formed lost river lake.
Swimming, sailing, snorkeling,
skin diving, shuffleboard
and for the small fry
there's buck gardner's
aquarena amusement arcade.
So pack up your rvs, your station wagons,
your trailers and cars, and hustle on up
to lost river campsite for
a free introductory weekend.
No charge, no obligation to buy.
Yes, friends, you can be part of a modern
ecological miracle.
Don't open it!
Whatever you do, don't open it! (PANTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
[MAN] All right, men, off of your butts!
Fall in!
Move it!
[COLONEL] You'll forgive
our skepticism, Mr. Grogan,
but we don't come across
stories like yours everyday.
Piranha are warm water fish.
This is hardly the Amazon.
But I told you, these are mutations.
They've already killed
five people that I know of.
Science fiction.
You ready with that bait, soldier?
[SOLDIER] Yes, sir.
Let her go, son.
(WATER SPLASHES)
Actually, a piranha was caught once
in a pond in Miami in '72, I believe.
But the fish and game
commission poisoned the water
and that, of course, was that.
That was that, huh?
I mean, the rumors
persisted, you know, but...
Pull it in, son.
Sergeant, tell the major
to start the pumps.
We should be able to
contain them in this area.
Piranha travel in
schools and we've brought
heavy doses of rotenone 235.
Came pretty well prepared, didn't you?
Won't it ruin this part of the river?
Well, sometimes it's
necessary to destroy
in order to save.
[PAUL] Well, what if they realize
they're being slaughtered
and head back upriver?
[DOCTOR] We're talking
about fish, Mr. Grogan, fish.
They don't realize much of anything.
Now, wait a minute, who
are you trying to kid?
You must've known all along
that these things were here
or you wouldn't have
brought all this stuff.
Okay, Mr. Grogan, here it is.
You and miss mckeown are
the only two civilians
who know about this project.
What the colonel really means
is that he'd like you to join us,
become one of our team, as it were.
It figures.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(HOSES SPRAYING)
[COLONEL] Impossible!
Look, you're a full colonel, right?
I assume you can read a map.
Here.
We are here at the dam, okay?
Now, look over here and you'll see
that there's a stream that feeds into it.
Okay, we follow the stream back for about
an eighth of a mile and
you see there's a fork.
Take this branch, follow it downstream,
and you'll see it empties into the river
on the other side of the dam.
In other words, the piranha have got a way
to get around the obstacle.
Even if there's a
chance that he's right,
don't you think you should do something?
No.
Even if a bypass exists,
piranha have neither
the intelligence nor the
motivation to find it.
But you know what hoak was into.
He was breeding them for
endurance and intelligence and...
Well, Bob was a dreamer.
He, er...
Bob?
Dr. Hoak?
You knew him?
Well, fish genetics
is a very small field.
You were friends?
[PAUL] But now that
I've seen what they can do
it's up to me to stop it
and by god I'm gonna be...
Let's say were a great
deal more than that.
(SIGHS) You're covering up.
Is it waxman?
Are you afraid of what the
army might do to you if you...
No, I'm not afraid.
I'm a scientist.
I'm head of my department.
It's just that there are priorities and...
Some things are more important
than a few people's lives.
That's not how Dr. Hoak felt.
Not at the end.
As I said, he was a dreamer.
If anything else happens,
it's your responsibility.
The situation is entirely
under control, grogan.
Hold on, now, what is this?
Why won't you listen to me?
Would you excuse us
for a moment, please?
As far as you're concerned, Mr. Grogan,
this project does not exist, understand?
The piranha do not exist.
Mm-hmm.
And if I make a squawk?
Uh, Paul...
The interests of national security
permit very extreme measures.
Oh, come on, the war is over, dammit!
There'll be other wars, Mr. Grogan.
I think for your own protection
we'd better secure you
a tent for the night.
(MAGGIE SCOFFS)
Oh, look who's here.
Hey, Tom, what's going on, man?
Nothing.
(TENSE MUSIC)
Is he still out there?
Yep.
Then you'll have to distract him.
Why?
So I can get away.
- So you can get away?
- Shh!
What about me?
Alright, suit yourself.
But first you're gonna
have to distract him.
How?
Oh, how would I know?
But just get him with his
back to the opening there.
You know, come on to him.
What if he's gay?
(SIGHS) Then I'll distract him.
Let's go.
(CLEARS THROAT) Hi.
Nice night, huh?
Listen, are you gay?
What?
Oh.
Well, I was just reading this
article in this magazine and...
What did you ask me before?
Look!
Up in the sky!
It's Superman!
(MOTOR REVVING)
Oh, shit.
What's wrong?
Have you got a dime?
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(CLATTERING)
Hello?
What?
What piranhas?
What are you talking about?
What?
Are you crazy?
Who is this?
Oh, grogan.
Yeah, I remember you, you're
not crazy, you're drunk.
No, I don't want to talk to her,
I'm sure she's as drunk as you are.
You wake me up again I'll
have the cops on you.
What?
No, you can't talk to your daughter.
Sober up, grogan, and fly right!
Piranhas.
Asshole.
He didn't believe you.
He thinks I'm drunk.
Well, can you get
through to your daughter?
No way.
No, we gotta get down there.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SIREN BLARING)
Oh, Paul, behind us.
I know.
No way we can outrun 'em in this thing.
Well, maybe we can talk to him.
Maybe he'll believe us.
Piranha, huh?
And where did they come from?
From an army test
site up on the mountain.
That's posted up there,
there's no trespassing.
Posted or not, two people
have been killed up there
and more have been killed
all along the river.
Look, you've gotta believe us.
Now, wait.
Say, aren't you grogan?
Yeah, that's right.
Uh-huh, I remember.
Yeah, we had you in on a drunk
and disorderly last month.
I am not drunk, dammit!
You give me a breath
test, whatever you want,
only please, would you listen to me?
Yeah, well, I think I'm gonna
take you up on that, buddy.
Back at the station.
And while we're there, you can explain
what you're doing this time of night
in an army staff car.
And don't you get any notions, man.
'Cause I got my gun in my other hand here.
Okay?
Okey-dokey, let's go.
Yes, we've got a bit
of a situation up here.
A very delicate situation.
And you can help us control
it by holding them for us.
Yes, colonel, yes, yes, I understand.
Will do.
And make sure they
don't try to communicate
with the outside.
We're trying to avoid unnecessary panic.
Certainly.
Their best interests, I agree.
Well, you're welcome, colonel.
(DIAL TONE BEEPING)
See you in the morning.
Well, you best make
yourself comfortable, folks,
you'll be spending the night.
What about a phone call?
You have to give us a phone call.
Listen, I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it.
Now, I gotta get back on that road now.
So you folks, you just behave yourselves.
Now, wait a minute!
You can't just leave!
My daughter's down there!
There are kids down there and
the piranhas are in the river!
Please!
The witch and the demons of the forest
scoured every corner of the church,
venom dripping from their fangs.
"Where is he," hissed the witch.
The demons peeled their
heavy eyelids back.
There he is!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ON TV)
No, buck, there's
absolutely no cause for alarm.
It's a complete hoax, believe me.
(CREATURE SCREECHING)
I just wanted to warn
you in case they were
able to get a call through.
(TV CLICKS OFF)
Groundless panic of
that kind wouldn't help
our grand opening any.
Mm-hmm.
Well, look, I really
appreciate the warning.
I'll brief my staff.
We'll take care of it.
Yeah, don't worry. (CHUCKLES)
Uh-huh.
By the way, you coming down tomorrow?
Oh, good, good!
Your presence will lend a
certain prestige to the opening.
Mm-hmm.
Well, uh...
No, no, colonel, nobody
knows about your investment.
Colonel, with me a silent
partner's privacy is sacred.
I swear to you on my honor
as a texan, nobody knows.
Yes, colonel. (CHUCKLES)
Goodnight.
Goodnight. (CHUCKLES)
Schmuck.
Hey, come on, you guys!
Will you haul ass?
This stuff's gotta be set by ten o'clock!
What are you doing back there?
Hide, that's all they do, they hide.
They drink beer and they hide.
(WATER LAPPING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I always like it at night.
Yeah, me too.
It's like it's resting.
Hey, you wanna race me across?
What, to the island?
Ever since I got here I haven't been able
to just swim by myself, you know?
I've always had half a dozen campers
hangin' onto me.
I don't know, I don't really
feel much like swimming.
But go ahead, I'll watch you.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
Something's wrong.
Come on, why don't you go with me?
It'll do you some good.
You know, you're probably right.
Good!
Okay, let's do it.
Grogan, turn off that flashlight!
Don't be alarmed, ladies, it's only me.
There's a rumor some of the campers
are coming down here for midnight swims.
Well, if I catch any of them swimming
they'll be in pretty hot
water, I can tell you.
What are you doing down here, by the way?
Oh, well, we just...
I thought I heard some campers swimming.
We came down to look.
- [DICKINSON] Yeah.
- Swimming?
Where?
Over by the waterfall.
The waterfall?
Yes.
Is that where they're doing it?
(WATER SPLASHES)
What was that?
Uh, it sounded like campers
on the other side of the lake.
The other side of the lake?
Thank you.
Kimbrel, is that you?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Well, there's always
tomorrow for that swim.
Yeah, let's do it tomorrow.
[DICKINSON] Okay.
(WATER LAPPING)
(BANGING PIPE)
What are you doing there?
[MAGGIE] Did I ever tell
you about moe Schneider?
[PAUL] Who's that?
Well, he was this guy they
sent me to find one time.
He was a plumber and he kept running off
and getting busted for indecent exposure.
(PIPE CLATTERING)
(WATER RUNNING)
Hey, what are you doing there?
Moe was in the pokey so many times
that he developed a
regular escape routine.
Of course, being a plumber,
he used what he knew best.
(TOILET LID SHATTERING)
What the hell was that?
What are you doing?
Are you all right?
Christ, listen.
This uh, this plan, whatever it is,
did it ever work?
No, but he came pretty
close a couple of times.
Pretty damn close.
Baby Jesus, what's all that racket?
Sounds like the roof fell in.
What's all this water from?
Something's leaking
in here and I'm gonna
catch pneumonia if it doesn't stop.
What's the matter with that sink trap?
I've tried and I've tried,
but I'm just not strong enough
to put the pipes back together.
All right, stand back,
I'll take a look at it.
What the hell'd you do to this thing?
Trying to crawl through the drainpipe?
(BLOW LANDS)
What's happening?
What's going on?
He's knocked out, but he's alive.
[PAUL] Get his keys!
Can you get his keys?
They're chained to his pants!
[PAUL] Well, take his pants off, then.
(KEYS JANGLING)
Come on, come on, I'd have thought
you could get a man's pants
off quicker than that.
Got 'em!
I got 'em!
Come on, then, let's go!
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
What'd you hit him with?
A piece of the toilet lid.
Oh, Jesus.
Maybe I should have
tried bribing him first.
Thank you, moe Schneider.
You don't suppose that one of those keys
would fit a patrol car?
I wouldn't be surprised.
(BRIGHT MUSIC)
(CROWD CLAPPING)
Howdy, folks, I'm buck gardner.
(CROWD CHEERS)
Thank you, thank you.
(CROWD APPLAUDING) Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Welcome folks on behalf of
buck gardner's aquarena
development corporation,
it gives me great pleasure
to invite you here
this afternoon to our
opening day festivities.
Thank you.
If, during the day, you have any questions
about purchasing land up here,
our people will be mingling in the crowds
to answer your questions,
help you out any way they can.
Just remember you got no
obligation to buy anything,
only to enjoy yourselves.
Honey?
Right there.
Right there.
Ah, try again.
Nice try, kid.
That's it!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
Don't forget, free barbecue
this afternoon at one o'clock!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Enjoy yourselves.
We got 'em.
(ARROW THUDDING)
No comics!
No comics, no discipline.
(ARROWS THUDDING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Water competition, muster up.
Time for the water competition.
Put those arrows away.
Put the bows in the...
That isn't funny, kimbrel.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Okay, minnows over here.
Come on, kids, line up.
Come on, you guys.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Guppies, come on, let's go!
Come on, line up, that's right.
Come on!
[LAURA] Okay.
[BETSY] Stand in line, straighten up.
That's right.
All the way to the back, there we go.
Straighten up!
Okay, we're gonna have
the tube race really soon
and who's gonna win?
Minnows!
[MINNOWS] We are!
[GUPPIES] We are!
All right!
Okay, you guys.
Now, Jonathan, you cannot
swim with your glasses on,
you know better than that.
Let's turn this way, now, buddy system!
Arms up.
There we go!
Stand up straight, come on!
Stand up straight.
Come on, be proud, you're a guppy!
Hold the stomach in.
That's good, that's good.
Hold your stomach in.
[MR. DUMONT] Good morning, campers.
Come on.
Fall in back here and buddy up.
Mr. Dumont, we're ready for you, sir.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Arms down!
All right, now, campers,
this is where we're going to
separate the tortoises from the hares,
the wheat from the chaff, and
the sinkers from the swimmers.
[PAUL] Saltwater.
What?
I just remembered, it was saltwater.
In the pond at the test site.
I thought it was strange at the time
and then I forgot about it.
Well, piranha are freshwater fish.
That means that hoak must
have developed a strain
that can live both in fresh and salt.
You know, like salmon.
That's why they're headed downstream.
And if they get to the ocean?
There'll be no way to contain 'em.
They'll be able to swim up
every river system in the country.
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
And what are you doing here, young lady?
You're supposed to be out in that race.
But Betsy told me that she...
I don't want to hear any excuses.
Get yourself a tube and get out there.
But I hurt my knee and she...
On the double, camper.
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Listen up, you kids, listen up!
We're gonna start the
tube race in a minute.
Kathryn, McCarthy, McBride!
All you campers come in here!
You're too far out!
Goddamn Sunday driver.
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(MAGGIE SHOUTS)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Ready!
(GUN FIRES)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come on, minnows!
Come on!
This is a race, people!
(TIRES SCREECH)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
Come on!
Come on!
We're winning!
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Jacobson, put a little muscle in it!
Parkinson, a little effort!
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
Come on, come on!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Kids, let's get a little leg action!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
Look!
(GIRL SCREAMING)
Annie, what's the matter?
What's going on?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(GIRL SCREAMS)
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
Oh my god, Laura!
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
Get on top of your tubes!
(CAMPERS SHRIEKING)
Go back now!
(CAMPERS SHRIEKING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
(CAMPERS SHRIEKING)
[GIRL] Let me go!
Let me go!
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
Suzie!
Suzie, no, go back, 90 back!
Oh, Suzie, get on the boat!
Come on!
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Betsy!
(SUZIE SCREAMS)
Betsy!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BRAKES SCREECH)
(CAMPERS CLAMORING)
(SHOUTING) Suzie!
Daddy!
There's a phone in there.
You call the resort and warn 'em!
I'll get those kids out of the water.
(CAMPERS CRYING)
Operator, get me the number
of the aquarena Springs resort.
Well, look in the phone
book, in the phone book.
Enjoy yourself.
Enjoy yourself, hae a good time.
Everything's free today.
Enjoy yourself.
Thank you.
Keep 'em moving, Terry.
Wrong way, kid, this is the exit.
Come on.
Hey, baby.
Mr. Gardner!
Mr. Gardner.
What is it?
Oh, real important.
Buck gardner.
Now, listen to me.
This is not a crank call.
I am completely serious.
Emergency?
Easy, now.
Easy.
I got you, I got you.
All right.
Please.
Please, you've gotta believe me.
Thank you.
Listen to me!
Look, please, before it's...
Thank you.
Piranha.
(TENSE MUSIC)
And they said they're sending
an ambulance from gator Springs.
We're gonna have to drive
to the resort ourselves.
Here, sit down, sit down.
Can you handle this?
Uh, yeah, I think so. (SNIFFLES)
Honey.
Honey, I'll be back for
you real soon, I promise.
So you be brave, huh?
Help out here.
That's my girl.
It's okay, Suzie.
He'll be back.
(DISCO MUSIC)
We got plenty of targets.
Yes, sir, right over there.
(DISCO MUSIC)
(GROUP LAUGHING)
By the way, sir, they've noticed.
One woman thought she
recognized the submarine ride
from somewhere in Florida.
Of course she did.
I picked it up secondhand in coral gables.
Skyway's from redondo beach.
Boathouse is army surplus.
Dancing chickens, I got 'em
from a carnival in Idaho.
Ralph the swimming swine?
He comes all the way from Atlantic city.
That's just it, sir.
They're saying for a new resort
nothing's looking very new.
Yeah, well, what the hell do they know?
Ralph the swimming swine is
practically a national monument.
That little porker's been swimming around
the steel pier for more
years than I can remember.
The rest of the stuff,
they just don't make it!
I mean, that submarine ride
is a piece of americana.
Yes, sir.
Maybe they never heard
of recycling. (LAUGHS)
I don't know, sir.
Smile, we're going public.
Hello, senator.
How are you?
(SIREN BLARING)
If they get to the
media, we're both screwed.
Colonel waxman, Dr. Mengers,
what a pleasant surprise.
They busted jail.
Look, I know, they already called here.
Is your staff ready?
They're all set.
I think you should
call some of your friends
in the local newspaper and warn them
they might be getting some crank calls.
Wouldn't it be better if
we wait until the calls...
You got your orders, mister, hop to it.
Hey, cool it with the military
crap, will you, colonel?
I'll take care of it.
Whitney?
[WHITNEY] Sir?
Let's hop to it.
General waxman, it's been so long.
It's colonel, ma'am.
Oh, colonel still?
Oh, I can't imagine why.
Politics, ma'am, politics.
Stupid cow.
(DISCO MUSIC)
Ready?
[SKIER] Okay!
(BOAT REVVING)
(DISCO MUSIC)
(DIVERS SPLASHING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(BOAT ROARING)
Hey, he really does ski great!
He's such a showoff.
He thinks he's such hot shit.
Maybe we're not going
fast enough for him.
I can fix that!
(BOAT ROARING)
(GIRL LAUGHING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hold it!
There's something back here!
(GIRL LAUGHING)
Take me in!
Now!
Hey, I think something's wrong.
Yeah, we haven't dumped him yet.
(THRILLING MUSIC)
Stop!
Take me in!
There's something out here, come on!
Get me outta here!
Come on!
Slow down!
Stop!
Faster!
Don't stop!
Wait, he says no.
(SKIER SHOUTING)
Speed up!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Stop!
(THRILLING MUSIC)
(EXPLOSION BLASTS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(SIREN BLARING)
(BEACH GOERS CHATTERING)
(POP MUSIC)
(GIRL SCREAMS)
(MAN SCREAMING)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
(SWIMMERS SHOUTING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SWIMMERS SHOUTING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SWIMMERS SCREAMING)
Dammit!
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
(BEACH GOERS CHATTERING)
No, Bob, it's completely false.
There's not a word of
truth to it, believe me.
We already talked to the
other newspapers about it.
Excuse me, I'm on the phone.
Sir, the piranhas.
I thought I told you
not even to say that word!
But the piranhas.
What about the goddamn piranhas?
They're eating the guests, sir.
Um. (CHUCKLES)
Uh, Bob, I'm gonna have to
get back to you on this.
We've got a situation down here.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
(SWIMMERS SCREAMING)
Go on, get off!
You'll tip us over!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Get off!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Dammit, get off!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(COLONEL SPLASHING)
(COLONEL SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BOAT ROARING)
Where are we going?
The lake narrows where the
outlet for the refinery was.
They'll be bunched tight
when they come through there.
What then?
If it isn't tapped off,
there might be enough waste
left in the smelting tanks.
It'll kill the fish?
It'll kill anything.
We'll pollute the bastards to death!
Oh, lord, no.
What's wrong?
It's all flooded.
The control booth is underwater.
What can we do?
Well, we gotta do something.
Where's that towline?
It's in the back.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
So I want you to start
counting slowly up to 100.
Then whether I'm up to the surface or not,
you hit that throttle and
gun this sucker outta here.
If I'm not up by then,
it means I'm in trouble,
'cause that's as long
as I can hold my breath.
So, let's count it down together, okay?
- One.
- One.
Two.
- Three.
- Three.
- Four.
- Four.
Five.
(SPLASHING) Six.
Seven.
(TENSE MUSIC)
48, 49.
(TENSE MUSIC)
63, 64.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
82, 83.
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
98, 99.
One hundred. (BOAT REVVING)
(THRILLING MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Paul!
Lost river lake.
Terror, horror, death.
Film at 11.
(SIRENS BLARING)
[WOMAN] Somebody help!
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(WOMAN CRYING)
[MAN] Medic!
Help!
[WOMAN] Help her, somebody!
[MAN] Medic!
[WOMAN] Help!
[MEDIC] Okay, rest now.
What the hell are you filming?
What the hell are you filming?
Try and take some.
And where do we go
from here, Dr. Mengers?
Well, I'm personally
going to head a full scale
investigation into this incident,
both to discover who is responsible
and to make absolutely certain that
nothing like this could
possibly happen again.
As an expert in tropical species,
what danger is there in the possibility
of the piranha reaching the ocean?
[DR. MENGERS] Oh, none at all.
Most of them will have been destroyed
by pollution at the end of the lake.
Of course, if any of them did get through,
there's no way they could
survive the saltwater.
There's nothing left to fear.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(WAVES LAPPING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(WAVES LAPPING)
[WOMAN] It's got to lead somewhere.
Well, we'll stop and
make camp pretty soon.
Got your breath?
Let's go.
(TENSE MUSIC)
What is this?
It doesn't look like
anyone's been around here
for a while.
Let's go inside and check it out.
Think we should?
Barbara, who's going
to know the difference?
- Here we go.
- Okay.
Besides, a little
iawbreaking'll do you good.
(BARBARA LAUGHS)
[BARBARA] I wonder why this
place wasn't on your map.
[MAN] Maybe it's
supposed to be a secret.
Maybe.
Far out!
(TENSE MUSIC)
Feels great.
Come on, let's wash off
so it won't be so funky
in that sleeping bag.
What if somebody catches us?
Who's gonna catch us?
There's nobody here.
Let's get wet!
Last one in is a rotten egg.
Oh, that's really original.
Wait a minute.
What?
What if this is some kind of a
sewage treatment plant or something?
Idiot.
(WATER SPLASHES)
(BARBARA LAUGHING)
Oh, now you're gonna get it!
Oh!
How is it?
Here I come!
(WATER SPLASHES)
(FOREBODING MUSIC)
Hey, that's not funny!
What?
Well, you bit me.
I can't believe you actually bit me.
What do I look like, a
creature from the black lagoon?
You are paranoid, kid.
Listen, I'll race you to the deep end!
Well, something bit me!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Barbara!
Barbara, there's something in here!
David!
(DAVID SHOUTING)
David!
David?
David!
David!
(BARBARA SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(OWL HOOTING NEARBY)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(WATER LAPPING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(ARCADE GAME CHIMING)
[ANNOUNCER] Paging Mr. Patrick hoppy.
Mr. Patrick hoppy to the white
courtesy telephone, please.
(ARCADE GAME BEEPS)
Rent a Jeep?
She'll be traveling on
unpaved mountain roads
and unless you want to be...
All right, all right,
all right, where do I sign?
(ARCADE GAME BEEPS)
[ANNOUNCER] The white zone
is for immediate loading...
Okay, we're all set and
when you get to Indian Springs
you'll get a Jeep.
The roads are very rough there.
No sweat.
Hey, look, I can handle it.
Oh, I know you can.
I wouldn't send you if I
didn't think you could.
Come on, come on.
Wait, wait, wait.
(ARCADE GAME SQUELCHES) Got ya!
I found the bigamist, didn't I?
Right.
And the bad check lady, Mrs. Pilgrim.
Right.
And I found moe Schneider.
Yeah, three times, but
those were all in town.
You're strictly a city kid and
these kids are way out in the boon...
I can find anything, Earl.
I'm two-thirds bloodhound.
I told you that when you hired me.
[ANNOUNCER] Paging Mr. Bo wax.
Bo wax come to the white
courtesy telephone.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh, my ticket!
I could have sworn I put it in my pocket!
Where's my ticket?
I can manage it.
Of course you can.
It's money in the bank.
My money.
(AIRPLANE RUMBLING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(DOG BARKING)
(MAN WHISTLES)
Hey, Brandy.
How are you, huh?
- Hey, Paul!
- Hey, old man.
Lagging behind, huh? (LAUGHS)
I'm telling you, this hike from town
is getting longer every week.
You oughta get a car, Jack.
I got a car.
It's up on blocks,
that's where it belongs.
(PAUL CLAPS)
Scotch.
Gin.
Bourbon.
(JACK LAUGHS)
Tequha!
Ah! (LAUGHS)
You're the seventh cavalry, Jack.
You know, I just ran dry today.
Your cornmeal is down there,
but I ain't gonna walk
down there and get it.
Man cannot live by booze alone.
In lieu of rent.
Okay, that's fine.
So what's up in town?
Same as usual.
I bet you miss it, Jack, huh?
I bet you miss selling whatever it was,
that plastic fruit.
No.
Got the river.
It wakes me up in the morning.
Gives me a bath.
Does my laundry. (LAUGHS)
Gives me dinner.
Puts me to sleep real gentle.
I got my river.
I got Brandy.
What do you got up here?
I got scotch, gin, bourbon, and Tequila.
What's it to you, anyhow?
Okay, buddy, I'll see you.
Okay, come on.
Come on, come on.
Take it easy, Brandy.
(BRANDY WHINES)
(JEEP RUMBLING)
(POP MUSIC ON RADIO)
(BRAKES SCREECH)
(WOMAN GROANS)
(STEAM HISSING)
Ah! (HOOD BANGS SHUT)
(HOOD SLAMS)
(FISH SIZZLING)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
It's open.
(DOOR CREAKS)
Paul grogan?
Hi, I'm Maggie mckeown.
I work for a skip-tracing company.
What's that?
We find missing people.
Did my ex-wife send you?
No.
I'm looking for a pair of teenage kids.
Some friends of theirs said that they
might have gone backpacking up here.
Well, I haven't seen 'em.
You talk to the sheriff's people?
[MAGGIE] They said
it was a big mountain.
They're right, it is.
Well, I figured they may
have followed along the river.
Are there any places to swim near here?
Well, if they'd drowned,
they'd be swept down
to the dam, you see.
So you're starting at the wrong end.
(SCOFFS) Boy, you're
the wrong end, all right.
Look, uh, am I interrupting something?
I mean, this is kind of important.
Hey.
You cool your jets, lady.
I didn't ax-murder your young couple.
I can't help you, I haven't seen 'em.
[MAGGIE] Are there any
other shacks up here?
Cabins.
This is a cabin.
Well, are there any more of them?
Any places where they might be holed up?
(SIGHS) Well, there's
an old fella named Jack,
has a place downriver a
bit, but he's not with them.
And there was some kind
of um, army test site
way up the mountain, but that closed down
five, six years ago.
Come on, let's go.
Go where?
You're taking me up there.
Oh, no, I'm not.
(PUDDLE SPLASHES)
You think I'm wasting
my time here, don't you?
No.
I think you're wasting my time.
(JEEP RUMBLING)
(METAL CLANGING)
(GATE CREAKS)
You find anything yet?
Not yet, but it's
still early in the day.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SHOUTING) David!
Barbara!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
What were they testing here?
Who knows?
I hiked up here once with my ex-wife.
They had guard dogs out,
the fence was electrified, the works.
Br, Barbara Randolph.
Hmm.
(TENSE MUSIC)
Man, that is cold.
Their parents said they
were both excellent swimmers.
Well, wouldn't they be
floating up on top by now?
It takes a while for the
body to bloat with gas.
Nice business you're in.
You think there's a way to
pull the plug on this thing?
(WATER BUBBLING)
Tropical fish?
Looks like it's for laboratory rats.
You know, where they
have to make it through
an obstacle course to get a reward.
Hmm.
(WATER BUBBLING)
Still warm.
(DOOR CREAKS)
(CREATURE CROAKS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
[PAUL] Come here.
Take a look at this.
(CREATURE GROWLING)
Let's get outta here.
This place gives me the creeps.
(WATER BUBBLING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
Hey, wait, you...
Well, they've been here all right.
And they never left.
I say we drain the pond.
Well, now.
Now, wait a minute.
I mean, you can't do that without
getting somebody's permission, you know.
Well, if it still works
it's the quickest way
to know if they're down there or not.
What are you doing?
(RUMBLING) You!
Wait!
(MAGGIE SHOUTS)
(ALARM RINGING)
(BLOWS LANDING)
Are you all right?
He's breathing.
No thanks to you.
Well, what was I supposed to do?
He had you by the throat!
I woulda got loose in a second.
Oh!
Look at this!
You put a dent in it!
Could I have a sip of that, please?
It's not water.
(MAGGIE COUGHS)
(CREATURE SQUAWKS)
What is it?
Water's salty.
Where does this drain to?
It was a fish hatchery
before the army took it over.
Probably drains
underground into the river.
Uh-oh.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I think it's a dog.
Well, I don't suppose they
would have fit through here.
Not in one piece.
You think he's all right up there?
(ENGINE REVVING)
Oh, shit!
(JEEP RUMBLING)
Oh, my god.
I guess I must have
left the keys in it, huh?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(JEEP CRASHING)
Oh...
[MAGGIE] He's alive!
He's indestructible.
Ah!
- Ah!
- Easy!
Easy, now, easy.
Easy.
Razorteeth.
What's razorteeth?
You drained the pond?
Yes, we found...
(SHOUTING) You let them out?
Let who out?
- You okay?
- Who'd we let out?
What's he doing?
You don't know what you've done!
Untie me!
Untie me, I've gotta...
The question is what
you've done, mister.
You don't know.
They breed like flies.
There'll be no way to stop them.
Would you talk sense, dammit?
Now, what about those kids?
I can't tell you.
I can't tell you.
Oh, mother of god, they'll kill us,
they'll kill all of us.
Okay, mister, listen.
They're gonna sweat it out of you in town.
They'll kill us.
What have we done?
(TENSE MUSIC)
(QUIETLY) Oh, my god.
(FROGS CROAKING NEARBY)
He thinks someone's going to kill him.
He's right.
I am, if he steps out of line.
Do you have any cigarettes?
No.
Quit a year ago.
Interfered with my drinking.
Hmm.
Do you mind if I come in for a minute?
Sure.
So did you start
drinking before or after?
[PAUL] Before or after what?
Your wife left you.
What the hell kind of question is that?
Look, I'm sorry, I mean,
I was just interested.
Do you mind if I sit here?
Go ahead.
How long were you married?
Hmm?
Um, 10 years.
She was just 17 when we
eloped in her father's car.
Man, we thought we had
the world by the balls.
Where'd you live?
In town.
I worked in a smelting
operation downriver.
Then the government closed us down,
said we were killing too many fish.
They gave it to the army
and the army sold it
to some resort outfit.
So you know that
somebody's making a bundle
somewheres along the line.
[MAGGIE] How do you make a living now?
Oh, back pay, unemployment.
I'm gonna have to go to
work come September, yeah.
Keep my daughter in saddle shoes.
Does your daughter live with you?
What's wrong?
Hmm?
You're so tense.
Hmm?
I don't know.
I guess I'm not used
to being around people.
Well, that's obvious.
I've been trying to hint
my way under the covers
for five minutes now.
[PAUL] You are really something.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BIRD CALLING)
There's no way that we're
gonna get this guy down to town
without your Jeep.
We have to do something.
You might have fractured his skull.
[PAUL] We gotta get him to the dam.
There's usually a ranger there.
How do we get there?
On a raft.
Come on, stop kidding.
How do we get there?
You'll see.
I read my daughter
huckleberry Finn last summer.
We wanted to light out
for the territories,
so we settled on this as a compromise.
Looks authentic.
Yeah, cut all the logs ourselves.
Not a single nail in her.
It's all lashing.
Where's your daughter now?
Summer camp, other side of the dam.
Just how sturdy is this thing?
Well, I think it'll hold three people.
Though to tell you the
truth, we never tried it.
My daughter's afraid of the river.
boys are made of greasy
grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
little dirty birdie feet
sneezed up snail snot
bashed-in beetle brains
all in a bottle of blood
boys are made of greasy
grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
(GENTLE MUSIC)
Suzie?
Suzie, honey, don't be scared.
You just have to swim out
to the marker and back.
You've probably swum
twice that far in a pool.
Well, if you don't pass your solo swim
you can can't get your water badge.
I don't care.
Well, what is it that
you're afraid of, honey?
Things.
You mean like sea monsters?
There's just a few little fish in here.
They eat plants at the
bottom of the river.
They're not at all interested in
little girl's fingers and toes.
[MAN] Dickinson!
Over here, Mr. Dumont!
Letter for you, Dickinson.
That same boy.
Oh, thank you!
Still haven't tackled
your solo swim, grogan?
No, sir.
Oh, she's kind of afraid
of things in the water.
Things?
What things?
Fish?
People eat fish, grogan,
fish don't eat people.
Do you want to be the one to lose
the camp competition for the minnows?
Of course you don't.
Oh, she's doing really
well in handicrafts.
Handicrafts?
Handicrafts don't take any
nerve, any intestinal fortitude.
You know what that means, grogan?
Yes, sir.
Right!
Is there any mail for her?
Mm, nope.
Skunked again, grogan.
Grogan!
Guts!
Oh.
Come on, let's go.
We'll play some monopoly.
Why don't we try it in an
inner tube tomorrow, huh?
Come on.
(FOREBODING MUSIC)
Say, Brandy.
Ever tell you about that other
dog of mine called Philip?
(WATER SPLASHES)
Well, Philip, he was in Baltimore with me.
He was a good dog.
He run across the street one day
(WATER SPLASHES)
And he walked right in
front of a trolley car.
Trolley car ran over his
tail, it surprised him.
He turned around and the trolley car,
I'm telling you a story!
The trolley car ran over his head.
That's what you call losing your head
over a little piece of tail.
Hey, pretty funny, huh? (LAUGHS)
(BRANDY WHINES)
Well, what's the matter with you?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
You didn't like the story?
You want me to tell you another story?
Maybe you didn't get the point.
(BRANDY WHINES)
(WATER BUBBLING)
(BRANDY BARKS)
Are you soft in the head?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(JACK SCREAMING)
(BRANDY BARKING)
(WATER SPLASHES)
Okay, my friend.
Number one: What happened to those kids?
Alright, then, try number two.
What were you doing up at the army site?
Stop that!
Oh, he speaks.
Keep your hand out of the water.
What's wrong with the water?
Since you're talking this morning,
buddy, how about a name?
Hoak, Dr. Robert hoak.
What's wrong with the water?
The water is filled
with carnivorous fish.
Piranha.
(LAUGHING) Oh, Christ.
In here?
How did they get in?
You let them in when you drained
the pond at the test site.
Piranha are tropical fish.
Look, this is cold mountain water.
They wouldn't last in here for a minute.
What about that skeleton?
Well, what would piranha
be doing up in that pond?
Huh?
Untie me.
Hey.
What if I dipped you in the
water a little bit first, doc?
See if you're making the
whole thing up or not, huh?
(BRANDY BARKING NEARBY)
Brandy!
That's Jack's dog.
Is he always so ferocious?
You know, I don't think I ever heard him
do more than roll over and beg for food.
(BRANDY BARKING)
We better take a look.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BRANDY BARKING)
(BRANDY WHINING)
Easy, boy, easy.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
He must have dragged himself this far.
Bled to death.
I'm sorry.
Well.
I'll get a shovel.
He wouldn't want to be buried in town.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DART THUDS)
Even in an inner tube, huh?
Uh-huh.
It's almost impossible to fall in.
But they can still get ya.
They, huh?
Okay.
Okay, if that's really
the way you feel about it,
I'll try and help you get out of the race.
But we've got to come up with an excuse.
Do not lie
I got poison Ivy!
So does everybody else in the camp.
Hey, maybe you could
just be getting your...
No, you're too young for that.
Huh?
Wait a minute, I have an idea.
Come with me.
Come here.
Come here, sit down here.
Let's see what we have in our magic box.
Alright, give me your knee.
Okay.
Get Darlene to take your
place in the race, okay?
And if dumont squawks, limp a lot.
And uh, I'll get you a
huge bandage for this.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Feels like this thing's
snagged on the bottom.
I got myself tangled in it, too.
You want me to help?
No, you better stay there.
You might tip the canoe.
I thought you knew all
about this kinda fishing.
From when you were a boy.
Listen, when I was a
boy we made our own nets
and made 'em right.
Jesus, feels like
something's snagged in here.
Did you get bit?
Ouch!
Dad!
Stay back!
Stay back!
Dad, dad!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Dad!
(WATER SPLASHING)
The government paid you?
Of course they paid.
Whether it's germ warfare,
the bomb, chemical warfare.
There's plenty of money, special agencies.
Oh, no, they pay.
They pay a lot better than
they do in private research.
For raising fish.
No, no.
It's a matter of genetics.
Radiation, selective breeding.
They called it operation razorteeth.
What was it all for?
To destroy the river systems
of the north Vietnamese.
Our goal was to develop a
strain of this killer fish
that could survive in cold water
and then breed at an accelerated rate.
We had everything.
Blank check.
And then the war ended.
You sound disappointed.
They poisoned the water.
After all that work.
They poisoned the water.
But some survived.
We developed a lot of mutants
and a few of them were
able to resist the poison.
They ate their own, their own dead,
and then began to breed
like some wild species.
Suddenly there were
hundreds, maybe thousands.
Our tax dollars at work, huh?
Well, that's science in the
service of the defense effort.
Sure.
Spreading strains of bacteria
in the subway system.
You put them in the river
where they could kill people.
Including civilians!
And little kids swimming in the rivers.
I never killed anybody.
If you want to talk about killing,
you talk to your politicians,
the military people.
No, no, I'm a scientist.
Kids in the water.
What?
They let the water through
every couple of days,
you know, to keep the level
steady on the new lake.
The resort's down there, the summer camp.
All those kids.
Come on!
(WATER SPLASHING)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
[CAMPER] Hey, stop splashing!
It was pure research.
No scrounging for Grant
money, no academic politics.
You don't know what that
means to a scientist.
You kept them alive.
I continued the experiment.
There was so much more I
could do with the species.
So much further I could take them.
You're not holding me responsible?
I think you are.
You pulled the plug and
you're holding me responsible?
Incredible.
You're blaming me!
I think if you open your mouth again
I'll stick this pole in it.
Do you think they've
opened up the dam yet?
I don't know.
We can only hope not.
[BOY] Daddy.
Help me!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
[PAUL] Let's move it!
[MAGGIE] It's sinking, Paul.
The canoe is sinking.
[PAUL] Yeah.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Daddy?
Daddy!
Daddy, it's going under!
Don't do it!
(WATER SPLASHING)
Get outta there!
Come on, Maggie.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(DR. HOAK SCREAMING)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
Help!
Hold it here!
Hold it!
(DR. HOAK SCREAMING)
Come on!
Come on, come here!
Come on, come on, come on!
Get the doctor!
Okay, now the doctor!
(WATER BUBBLING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Easy, doc.
Here.
Here you go.
What do we do?
How do we stop 'em?
Oh, Christ.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Campers!
No swinging after lunch!
(PHOTO TEARS)
[PAUL] So far we know that
they can live in cold water.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
They seem to be moving downstream.
We've gotta find someone who knows
how to deal with these things.
(TENSE MUSIC)
There'll be a phone at the dam.
We can call on ahead.
What?
I don't know.
It seems like the lashing's working loose.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
Paul.
There's something under us.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
It's the doc's blood.
It's seeping through.
They're eating away at
the lashing to get to it.
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
Daddy!
Let go, son.
But the man!
No, we gotta get rid of him.
No, that's what happened to my daddy!
Let go!
They're eating him.
They're eating him!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come here!
Just like my daddy!
Come here!
(THRILLING MUSIC)
You okay, boy?
How about you?
I'm alright.
You gotta stay here.
I'm gonna try to get to the dam
before they let 'em
through with the water.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(AIR HORN BLOWING)
(PLAYFUL MUSIC ON TV)
(TOOL CLANGING)
Acres and acres of reclaimed land
nestled in a scenic mountain valley,
site of the newly formed lost river lake.
Swimming, sailing, snorkeling,
skin diving, shuffleboard
and for the small fry
there's buck gardner's
aquarena amusement arcade.
So pack up your rvs, your station wagons,
your trailers and cars, and hustle on up
to lost river campsite for
a free introductory weekend.
No charge, no obligation to buy.
Yes, friends, you can be part of a modern
ecological miracle.
Don't open it!
Whatever you do, don't open it! (PANTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
[MAN] All right, men, off of your butts!
Fall in!
Move it!
[COLONEL] You'll forgive
our skepticism, Mr. Grogan,
but we don't come across
stories like yours everyday.
Piranha are warm water fish.
This is hardly the Amazon.
But I told you, these are mutations.
They've already killed
five people that I know of.
Science fiction.
You ready with that bait, soldier?
[SOLDIER] Yes, sir.
Let her go, son.
(WATER SPLASHES)
Actually, a piranha was caught once
in a pond in Miami in '72, I believe.
But the fish and game
commission poisoned the water
and that, of course, was that.
That was that, huh?
I mean, the rumors
persisted, you know, but...
Pull it in, son.
Sergeant, tell the major
to start the pumps.
We should be able to
contain them in this area.
Piranha travel in
schools and we've brought
heavy doses of rotenone 235.
Came pretty well prepared, didn't you?
Won't it ruin this part of the river?
Well, sometimes it's
necessary to destroy
in order to save.
[PAUL] Well, what if they realize
they're being slaughtered
and head back upriver?
[DOCTOR] We're talking
about fish, Mr. Grogan, fish.
They don't realize much of anything.
Now, wait a minute, who
are you trying to kid?
You must've known all along
that these things were here
or you wouldn't have
brought all this stuff.
Okay, Mr. Grogan, here it is.
You and miss mckeown are
the only two civilians
who know about this project.
What the colonel really means
is that he'd like you to join us,
become one of our team, as it were.
It figures.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(HOSES SPRAYING)
[COLONEL] Impossible!
Look, you're a full colonel, right?
I assume you can read a map.
Here.
We are here at the dam, okay?
Now, look over here and you'll see
that there's a stream that feeds into it.
Okay, we follow the stream back for about
an eighth of a mile and
you see there's a fork.
Take this branch, follow it downstream,
and you'll see it empties into the river
on the other side of the dam.
In other words, the piranha have got a way
to get around the obstacle.
Even if there's a
chance that he's right,
don't you think you should do something?
No.
Even if a bypass exists,
piranha have neither
the intelligence nor the
motivation to find it.
But you know what hoak was into.
He was breeding them for
endurance and intelligence and...
Well, Bob was a dreamer.
He, er...
Bob?
Dr. Hoak?
You knew him?
Well, fish genetics
is a very small field.
You were friends?
[PAUL] But now that
I've seen what they can do
it's up to me to stop it
and by god I'm gonna be...
Let's say were a great
deal more than that.
(SIGHS) You're covering up.
Is it waxman?
Are you afraid of what the
army might do to you if you...
No, I'm not afraid.
I'm a scientist.
I'm head of my department.
It's just that there are priorities and...
Some things are more important
than a few people's lives.
That's not how Dr. Hoak felt.
Not at the end.
As I said, he was a dreamer.
If anything else happens,
it's your responsibility.
The situation is entirely
under control, grogan.
Hold on, now, what is this?
Why won't you listen to me?
Would you excuse us
for a moment, please?
As far as you're concerned, Mr. Grogan,
this project does not exist, understand?
The piranha do not exist.
Mm-hmm.
And if I make a squawk?
Uh, Paul...
The interests of national security
permit very extreme measures.
Oh, come on, the war is over, dammit!
There'll be other wars, Mr. Grogan.
I think for your own protection
we'd better secure you
a tent for the night.
(MAGGIE SCOFFS)
Oh, look who's here.
Hey, Tom, what's going on, man?
Nothing.
(TENSE MUSIC)
Is he still out there?
Yep.
Then you'll have to distract him.
Why?
So I can get away.
- So you can get away?
- Shh!
What about me?
Alright, suit yourself.
But first you're gonna
have to distract him.
How?
Oh, how would I know?
But just get him with his
back to the opening there.
You know, come on to him.
What if he's gay?
(SIGHS) Then I'll distract him.
Let's go.
(CLEARS THROAT) Hi.
Nice night, huh?
Listen, are you gay?
What?
Oh.
Well, I was just reading this
article in this magazine and...
What did you ask me before?
Look!
Up in the sky!
It's Superman!
(MOTOR REVVING)
Oh, shit.
What's wrong?
Have you got a dime?
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(CLATTERING)
Hello?
What?
What piranhas?
What are you talking about?
What?
Are you crazy?
Who is this?
Oh, grogan.
Yeah, I remember you, you're
not crazy, you're drunk.
No, I don't want to talk to her,
I'm sure she's as drunk as you are.
You wake me up again I'll
have the cops on you.
What?
No, you can't talk to your daughter.
Sober up, grogan, and fly right!
Piranhas.
Asshole.
He didn't believe you.
He thinks I'm drunk.
Well, can you get
through to your daughter?
No way.
No, we gotta get down there.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SIREN BLARING)
Oh, Paul, behind us.
I know.
No way we can outrun 'em in this thing.
Well, maybe we can talk to him.
Maybe he'll believe us.
Piranha, huh?
And where did they come from?
From an army test
site up on the mountain.
That's posted up there,
there's no trespassing.
Posted or not, two people
have been killed up there
and more have been killed
all along the river.
Look, you've gotta believe us.
Now, wait.
Say, aren't you grogan?
Yeah, that's right.
Uh-huh, I remember.
Yeah, we had you in on a drunk
and disorderly last month.
I am not drunk, dammit!
You give me a breath
test, whatever you want,
only please, would you listen to me?
Yeah, well, I think I'm gonna
take you up on that, buddy.
Back at the station.
And while we're there, you can explain
what you're doing this time of night
in an army staff car.
And don't you get any notions, man.
'Cause I got my gun in my other hand here.
Okay?
Okey-dokey, let's go.
Yes, we've got a bit
of a situation up here.
A very delicate situation.
And you can help us control
it by holding them for us.
Yes, colonel, yes, yes, I understand.
Will do.
And make sure they
don't try to communicate
with the outside.
We're trying to avoid unnecessary panic.
Certainly.
Their best interests, I agree.
Well, you're welcome, colonel.
(DIAL TONE BEEPING)
See you in the morning.
Well, you best make
yourself comfortable, folks,
you'll be spending the night.
What about a phone call?
You have to give us a phone call.
Listen, I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it.
Now, I gotta get back on that road now.
So you folks, you just behave yourselves.
Now, wait a minute!
You can't just leave!
My daughter's down there!
There are kids down there and
the piranhas are in the river!
Please!
The witch and the demons of the forest
scoured every corner of the church,
venom dripping from their fangs.
"Where is he," hissed the witch.
The demons peeled their
heavy eyelids back.
There he is!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ON TV)
No, buck, there's
absolutely no cause for alarm.
It's a complete hoax, believe me.
(CREATURE SCREECHING)
I just wanted to warn
you in case they were
able to get a call through.
(TV CLICKS OFF)
Groundless panic of
that kind wouldn't help
our grand opening any.
Mm-hmm.
Well, look, I really
appreciate the warning.
I'll brief my staff.
We'll take care of it.
Yeah, don't worry. (CHUCKLES)
Uh-huh.
By the way, you coming down tomorrow?
Oh, good, good!
Your presence will lend a
certain prestige to the opening.
Mm-hmm.
Well, uh...
No, no, colonel, nobody
knows about your investment.
Colonel, with me a silent
partner's privacy is sacred.
I swear to you on my honor
as a texan, nobody knows.
Yes, colonel. (CHUCKLES)
Goodnight.
Goodnight. (CHUCKLES)
Schmuck.
Hey, come on, you guys!
Will you haul ass?
This stuff's gotta be set by ten o'clock!
What are you doing back there?
Hide, that's all they do, they hide.
They drink beer and they hide.
(WATER LAPPING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I always like it at night.
Yeah, me too.
It's like it's resting.
Hey, you wanna race me across?
What, to the island?
Ever since I got here I haven't been able
to just swim by myself, you know?
I've always had half a dozen campers
hangin' onto me.
I don't know, I don't really
feel much like swimming.
But go ahead, I'll watch you.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
Something's wrong.
Come on, why don't you go with me?
It'll do you some good.
You know, you're probably right.
Good!
Okay, let's do it.
Grogan, turn off that flashlight!
Don't be alarmed, ladies, it's only me.
There's a rumor some of the campers
are coming down here for midnight swims.
Well, if I catch any of them swimming
they'll be in pretty hot
water, I can tell you.
What are you doing down here, by the way?
Oh, well, we just...
I thought I heard some campers swimming.
We came down to look.
- [DICKINSON] Yeah.
- Swimming?
Where?
Over by the waterfall.
The waterfall?
Yes.
Is that where they're doing it?
(WATER SPLASHES)
What was that?
Uh, it sounded like campers
on the other side of the lake.
The other side of the lake?
Thank you.
Kimbrel, is that you?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Well, there's always
tomorrow for that swim.
Yeah, let's do it tomorrow.
[DICKINSON] Okay.
(WATER LAPPING)
(BANGING PIPE)
What are you doing there?
[MAGGIE] Did I ever tell
you about moe Schneider?
[PAUL] Who's that?
Well, he was this guy they
sent me to find one time.
He was a plumber and he kept running off
and getting busted for indecent exposure.
(PIPE CLATTERING)
(WATER RUNNING)
Hey, what are you doing there?
Moe was in the pokey so many times
that he developed a
regular escape routine.
Of course, being a plumber,
he used what he knew best.
(TOILET LID SHATTERING)
What the hell was that?
What are you doing?
Are you all right?
Christ, listen.
This uh, this plan, whatever it is,
did it ever work?
No, but he came pretty
close a couple of times.
Pretty damn close.
Baby Jesus, what's all that racket?
Sounds like the roof fell in.
What's all this water from?
Something's leaking
in here and I'm gonna
catch pneumonia if it doesn't stop.
What's the matter with that sink trap?
I've tried and I've tried,
but I'm just not strong enough
to put the pipes back together.
All right, stand back,
I'll take a look at it.
What the hell'd you do to this thing?
Trying to crawl through the drainpipe?
(BLOW LANDS)
What's happening?
What's going on?
He's knocked out, but he's alive.
[PAUL] Get his keys!
Can you get his keys?
They're chained to his pants!
[PAUL] Well, take his pants off, then.
(KEYS JANGLING)
Come on, come on, I'd have thought
you could get a man's pants
off quicker than that.
Got 'em!
I got 'em!
Come on, then, let's go!
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
What'd you hit him with?
A piece of the toilet lid.
Oh, Jesus.
Maybe I should have
tried bribing him first.
Thank you, moe Schneider.
You don't suppose that one of those keys
would fit a patrol car?
I wouldn't be surprised.
(BRIGHT MUSIC)
(CROWD CLAPPING)
Howdy, folks, I'm buck gardner.
(CROWD CHEERS)
Thank you, thank you.
(CROWD APPLAUDING) Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Welcome folks on behalf of
buck gardner's aquarena
development corporation,
it gives me great pleasure
to invite you here
this afternoon to our
opening day festivities.
Thank you.
If, during the day, you have any questions
about purchasing land up here,
our people will be mingling in the crowds
to answer your questions,
help you out any way they can.
Just remember you got no
obligation to buy anything,
only to enjoy yourselves.
Honey?
Right there.
Right there.
Ah, try again.
Nice try, kid.
That's it!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
Don't forget, free barbecue
this afternoon at one o'clock!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Enjoy yourselves.
We got 'em.
(ARROW THUDDING)
No comics!
No comics, no discipline.
(ARROWS THUDDING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Water competition, muster up.
Time for the water competition.
Put those arrows away.
Put the bows in the...
That isn't funny, kimbrel.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Okay, minnows over here.
Come on, kids, line up.
Come on, you guys.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Guppies, come on, let's go!
Come on, line up, that's right.
Come on!
[LAURA] Okay.
[BETSY] Stand in line, straighten up.
That's right.
All the way to the back, there we go.
Straighten up!
Okay, we're gonna have
the tube race really soon
and who's gonna win?
Minnows!
[MINNOWS] We are!
[GUPPIES] We are!
All right!
Okay, you guys.
Now, Jonathan, you cannot
swim with your glasses on,
you know better than that.
Let's turn this way, now, buddy system!
Arms up.
There we go!
Stand up straight, come on!
Stand up straight.
Come on, be proud, you're a guppy!
Hold the stomach in.
That's good, that's good.
Hold your stomach in.
[MR. DUMONT] Good morning, campers.
Come on.
Fall in back here and buddy up.
Mr. Dumont, we're ready for you, sir.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Arms down!
All right, now, campers,
this is where we're going to
separate the tortoises from the hares,
the wheat from the chaff, and
the sinkers from the swimmers.
[PAUL] Saltwater.
What?
I just remembered, it was saltwater.
In the pond at the test site.
I thought it was strange at the time
and then I forgot about it.
Well, piranha are freshwater fish.
That means that hoak must
have developed a strain
that can live both in fresh and salt.
You know, like salmon.
That's why they're headed downstream.
And if they get to the ocean?
There'll be no way to contain 'em.
They'll be able to swim up
every river system in the country.
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
And what are you doing here, young lady?
You're supposed to be out in that race.
But Betsy told me that she...
I don't want to hear any excuses.
Get yourself a tube and get out there.
But I hurt my knee and she...
On the double, camper.
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Listen up, you kids, listen up!
We're gonna start the
tube race in a minute.
Kathryn, McCarthy, McBride!
All you campers come in here!
You're too far out!
Goddamn Sunday driver.
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(MAGGIE SHOUTS)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Ready!
(GUN FIRES)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come on, minnows!
Come on!
This is a race, people!
(TIRES SCREECH)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
Come on!
Come on!
We're winning!
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Jacobson, put a little muscle in it!
Parkinson, a little effort!
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
Come on, come on!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Kids, let's get a little leg action!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(CAMPERS SHOUTING)
Look!
(GIRL SCREAMING)
Annie, what's the matter?
What's going on?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(GIRL SCREAMS)
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
Oh my god, Laura!
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
Get on top of your tubes!
(CAMPERS SHRIEKING)
Go back now!
(CAMPERS SHRIEKING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
(CAMPERS SHRIEKING)
[GIRL] Let me go!
Let me go!
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
Suzie!
Suzie, no, go back, 90 back!
Oh, Suzie, get on the boat!
Come on!
(CAMPERS SCREAMING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Betsy!
(SUZIE SCREAMS)
Betsy!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BRAKES SCREECH)
(CAMPERS CLAMORING)
(SHOUTING) Suzie!
Daddy!
There's a phone in there.
You call the resort and warn 'em!
I'll get those kids out of the water.
(CAMPERS CRYING)
Operator, get me the number
of the aquarena Springs resort.
Well, look in the phone
book, in the phone book.
Enjoy yourself.
Enjoy yourself, hae a good time.
Everything's free today.
Enjoy yourself.
Thank you.
Keep 'em moving, Terry.
Wrong way, kid, this is the exit.
Come on.
Hey, baby.
Mr. Gardner!
Mr. Gardner.
What is it?
Oh, real important.
Buck gardner.
Now, listen to me.
This is not a crank call.
I am completely serious.
Emergency?
Easy, now.
Easy.
I got you, I got you.
All right.
Please.
Please, you've gotta believe me.
Thank you.
Listen to me!
Look, please, before it's...
Thank you.
Piranha.
(TENSE MUSIC)
And they said they're sending
an ambulance from gator Springs.
We're gonna have to drive
to the resort ourselves.
Here, sit down, sit down.
Can you handle this?
Uh, yeah, I think so. (SNIFFLES)
Honey.
Honey, I'll be back for
you real soon, I promise.
So you be brave, huh?
Help out here.
That's my girl.
It's okay, Suzie.
He'll be back.
(DISCO MUSIC)
We got plenty of targets.
Yes, sir, right over there.
(DISCO MUSIC)
(GROUP LAUGHING)
By the way, sir, they've noticed.
One woman thought she
recognized the submarine ride
from somewhere in Florida.
Of course she did.
I picked it up secondhand in coral gables.
Skyway's from redondo beach.
Boathouse is army surplus.
Dancing chickens, I got 'em
from a carnival in Idaho.
Ralph the swimming swine?
He comes all the way from Atlantic city.
That's just it, sir.
They're saying for a new resort
nothing's looking very new.
Yeah, well, what the hell do they know?
Ralph the swimming swine is
practically a national monument.
That little porker's been swimming around
the steel pier for more
years than I can remember.
The rest of the stuff,
they just don't make it!
I mean, that submarine ride
is a piece of americana.
Yes, sir.
Maybe they never heard
of recycling. (LAUGHS)
I don't know, sir.
Smile, we're going public.
Hello, senator.
How are you?
(SIREN BLARING)
If they get to the
media, we're both screwed.
Colonel waxman, Dr. Mengers,
what a pleasant surprise.
They busted jail.
Look, I know, they already called here.
Is your staff ready?
They're all set.
I think you should
call some of your friends
in the local newspaper and warn them
they might be getting some crank calls.
Wouldn't it be better if
we wait until the calls...
You got your orders, mister, hop to it.
Hey, cool it with the military
crap, will you, colonel?
I'll take care of it.
Whitney?
[WHITNEY] Sir?
Let's hop to it.
General waxman, it's been so long.
It's colonel, ma'am.
Oh, colonel still?
Oh, I can't imagine why.
Politics, ma'am, politics.
Stupid cow.
(DISCO MUSIC)
Ready?
[SKIER] Okay!
(BOAT REVVING)
(DISCO MUSIC)
(DIVERS SPLASHING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(BOAT ROARING)
Hey, he really does ski great!
He's such a showoff.
He thinks he's such hot shit.
Maybe we're not going
fast enough for him.
I can fix that!
(BOAT ROARING)
(GIRL LAUGHING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hold it!
There's something back here!
(GIRL LAUGHING)
Take me in!
Now!
Hey, I think something's wrong.
Yeah, we haven't dumped him yet.
(THRILLING MUSIC)
Stop!
Take me in!
There's something out here, come on!
Get me outta here!
Come on!
Slow down!
Stop!
Faster!
Don't stop!
Wait, he says no.
(SKIER SHOUTING)
Speed up!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Stop!
(THRILLING MUSIC)
(EXPLOSION BLASTS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(SIREN BLARING)
(BEACH GOERS CHATTERING)
(POP MUSIC)
(GIRL SCREAMS)
(MAN SCREAMING)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
(SWIMMERS SHOUTING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SWIMMERS SHOUTING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SWIMMERS SCREAMING)
Dammit!
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
(BEACH GOERS CHATTERING)
No, Bob, it's completely false.
There's not a word of
truth to it, believe me.
We already talked to the
other newspapers about it.
Excuse me, I'm on the phone.
Sir, the piranhas.
I thought I told you
not even to say that word!
But the piranhas.
What about the goddamn piranhas?
They're eating the guests, sir.
Um. (CHUCKLES)
Uh, Bob, I'm gonna have to
get back to you on this.
We've got a situation down here.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
(SWIMMERS SCREAMING)
Go on, get off!
You'll tip us over!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Get off!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Dammit, get off!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(COLONEL SPLASHING)
(COLONEL SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BOAT ROARING)
Where are we going?
The lake narrows where the
outlet for the refinery was.
They'll be bunched tight
when they come through there.
What then?
If it isn't tapped off,
there might be enough waste
left in the smelting tanks.
It'll kill the fish?
It'll kill anything.
We'll pollute the bastards to death!
Oh, lord, no.
What's wrong?
It's all flooded.
The control booth is underwater.
What can we do?
Well, we gotta do something.
Where's that towline?
It's in the back.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
So I want you to start
counting slowly up to 100.
Then whether I'm up to the surface or not,
you hit that throttle and
gun this sucker outta here.
If I'm not up by then,
it means I'm in trouble,
'cause that's as long
as I can hold my breath.
So, let's count it down together, okay?
- One.
- One.
Two.
- Three.
- Three.
- Four.
- Four.
Five.
(SPLASHING) Six.
Seven.
(TENSE MUSIC)
48, 49.
(TENSE MUSIC)
63, 64.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
82, 83.
(PIRANHAS CHOMPING)
98, 99.
One hundred. (BOAT REVVING)
(THRILLING MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Paul!
Lost river lake.
Terror, horror, death.
Film at 11.
(SIRENS BLARING)
[WOMAN] Somebody help!
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(WOMAN CRYING)
[MAN] Medic!
Help!
[WOMAN] Help her, somebody!
[MAN] Medic!
[WOMAN] Help!
[MEDIC] Okay, rest now.
What the hell are you filming?
What the hell are you filming?
Try and take some.
And where do we go
from here, Dr. Mengers?
Well, I'm personally
going to head a full scale
investigation into this incident,
both to discover who is responsible
and to make absolutely certain that
nothing like this could
possibly happen again.
As an expert in tropical species,
what danger is there in the possibility
of the piranha reaching the ocean?
[DR. MENGERS] Oh, none at all.
Most of them will have been destroyed
by pollution at the end of the lake.
Of course, if any of them did get through,
there's no way they could
survive the saltwater.
There's nothing left to fear.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(WAVES LAPPING)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(WAVES LAPPING)