Piranha 3DD (2012) Movie Script
It seem like only yesterday the
party would go on forever
but in just 12 short months the place
known as America's Spring Break Capital
has become a virtual ghost town.
Who can forget the devastating attack
on Lake Victoria that left scores of young
people dead and a community
in shocked and who
could've guess that
this hell on earth
would be rocked by a species
of Piranha believed to be
extinct for the 2 million years
A massive eradication program have left
these waters once teeming with life
silence and dead after a massive
exorcist most property abandoned
the local economy
fell in ruins. Lake Victoria is now a
quarantine area only weeds grow on
beaches where thousand once soaked-up
the sun and the only boats that remained
are dusty relics littering the shoreline.
As we look back from the anniversary
of this tragic event, we left to wonder
if it happened here can it happen again?
and if so, where?
I got my foot stuck
-There she is right there
-Is she dead?
You got big
Yeah, I took second place
in gunning last year
Oh hell, it something around its belly,
find out whats going on down there
There's something in there
-Holy-fine-baby-shit
-God-damn-piece-of-crap
I got a lighter, that smell is awful
That's just a gas you damn coward
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Get away
Hey, it's time to get wet again
Come on down, all my girls are hot
and single
and ready to party with someone like you
-You!
-Put her down boys
So, if you want to cool off, come
on down to the hottest hole in town
Remember double D's swims free
-Oh boy, hold on. Shut it!, shut it!
-Cut!
-Hey!
-Hai
I've to cut some off the pass, here you go
Keep them wet
-and are you guys friends of someone
-Maddy
Get over here and give your step dad a hug
Chet, tell me you did
not fire our old
life guards and replace
them with strippers
-Water-certified strippers
-Really?
-More than that pumpkin
-Unbelievable
Hey listen, before you sweet
mother died God-bless her soul,
she made me promised her to
keep this water park running
I am just going to make
sure that I provide
for you as well as she did, I'm your daddy
now, we're so lucky to have each other
Wow Chet sometimes I think you really
believe whats coming out of your mouth
Believe me doll, you're going to love this
Adult pool?
We are going to make BIG on this
-What do you think?
-I think this is very expensive joke
World's first strip club in a water
park, that's a stroke of genius
No, no, no
Oh, don't worry about that,
we put a little bit of
chlorine, sulfuric
acid into the pool,
it sanitizes everything
Hey Kiki, why don't you get your ass out of the pool
Russian, she's a doctor
Keep you eyes over there on the
flat screen TV
Check it out
That is disgusting
-Do not touch it
-I'm getting rid of it
Don't you touch it
That's not your call
Don't you forget that i'm
still half owner of this place
Oh! Is that right? Raise your hand if you
own 51% of this Water Park
Now, raise your hand if your
-Hey guys
-Hey Maddy
How are you
Well this is a summer show
she finally obtained from accidents
Shut up!
She's afraid to have sex
because her slutty cousin
Stop it!
Here he comes, the boy is going
to pop her cherry
He just doesn't know it yet
Stop it
Hey Maddy, what do you
think of all the changes around here?
-Josh meet Monique. Hi
-Come on
What am I? The last
guy to know you're back?
Hi
-How are you?
-I miss you Me too
Bet you wish you were in
grad school this summer huh?
-I can't believe what Chet done
-I know
This place is everything to me,
working here, hanging out
I know, I miss those moments too
So look now that you're back
Hey you guys are you
sure that such a good idea?
Better not be any underage
drinking going on here
Come on man, I'm on duty
We got fireworks, decent exposure,
probable drugs, definite drugs
Major had to rate you off
I don't see what he has that I don't have
I heard you're back in town so I
figured I stop by and say hi
and I also feel that I should say
something about that time we talked
You don't have to, long distance
relationship real.....
-but you're back now
-For the summer
Shouldn't you be interested in something
-I got be on duty, so...
-Okay
Welcome back
-I have a little party tonight
-Yeah. Yeah me too
I love the water
It's a really...
wet
-What are you thinking about?
-Nothing much
Lets take off all our clothes
and go swimming
Okay cool, sure
-Turn around
-Right, sorry
Shelby
Shelby
Shelby
-Are coming in or what?
-Yeah, I'm coming
No funny stuff, okay?
Alright
-What are you doing?
-You want some of this?
-You want some?
-You're not suppose to splash me back
-What?
-I just felt something
-Is that you?
-What are you talking about?
-What're you doing?
-I didn't
-Well what ever it is I don't like it
-I didn't do anything
-Shelby, where are you going?
-I'm cold, I'm getting out
-You have to do it
-Okay fine
Dear Lord,
-Come on
-Okay, dear Lord
Please forgive us for what
we are about to do
We each know that having relations
before marriages is a sin
but
We know that we'll be forgiven for it
because...
we're praying about it
-Amen
-Amen
-You can fuck me now
-Amen
-Look at this
-What?
Do you like that?
It's mine
Don't make me cuff the other one
-We're moving ,Travis
-I know
-I know
-No
Look, you idiot
-Ashley, are you okay?
-Yeah, the water coming in
-Give me the key for the cuff
-Ah! It must have fallen out
-Find it now
-Where is it?
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Damn it!
-Key for the damn cuff
-I should go for help
-No
-I cannot see anything
I'm sorry
Ashley, hit the door light
and keep looking
damn
What are you doing? Get over here
-Ashley!
-I going to call for help
Get back here
What are you doing?
Ashley! Damn!
Travis
Travis
Travis
Help
There's something in the water
Help! Anybody
Ashley! Help!
Travis, What's going on?
Are you there?
Travis! Travis!
Ashley...
Oh my God
Oh my God, help
Oh my God. Please! Is anybody out there?
Anybody?
-I am sorry, I'm just...
-No It's cool, I don't mind hanging out
You know, it's not you, it's just that..
Do you think that Ashley
is prettier than me
-No
-Most guys do
Well I never liked girls with big breasts
Welcome back Maddy
-Dave
-Yo man
-What the fuck are you doing?
-The hole where the water comes out
-Oh God man
-It's so wet
Hey Shelby, have you seen
Ashley or Travis?
-Neither one of them punch in this morning
-No, I haven't seen either of them
I don't know
Just a sec
-You okay?
-I just feel a little weird
-It's okay
-Here, let me help you
No no I'm fine, really
Are you okay?
Well look who has morning sickness
Nice work papa
Nobody was inside Shel
-I'm sure they're just fine
-Probably shaken up and..
scare they're going to get in trouble
No
Come on, Ash, pick up
-Hello its Ash, leave a message
-Shit, call me
Is there anywhere else
they might have gone?
No, I don't think so
I'm just going to go
Ashley is my best friend
I know she kinda of a slut
She's still in love with my
ex-boyfriend
I'm pretty sure she
also stole a pairs of
earrings that my grandmother
gave me before she dies
but we kinda like sisters
What is that?
Oh my God
We have to get off this thing right now,
hurry
Come on, Shelby
Come on Shelby
grab my hand
Alright, come on, I got you
Oh my God, come on
Oh my God
Quickly
Lets go, we're almost there
No, no, no
Come back Shelby
Come here
You going to have to jump
Come on
You going to have to jump
Let go
Hurry it's just a foot
Alright, I got you
Oh my god
-What is this thing?
-Maddy?
What the fuck is that?
-Oh my God
-Shit
-Is that a fucking Piranha?
-My father
worked construction of a dam
they found fossil like this
when they first broke ground
-He gave me on my birthday
-I telling you man it was a Piranha
How did they get from
Lake Victoria to our lake?
That what we got to find out
What?
Look at us the cop and the marine biologist
I'm sorry but it sound
like a shitty sitcom
The cop and the marine biologist
You're still wet
A little, yeah
Can you open the door?
Kyle, Open the door
Just fooling around
It's funny
dick
Who are you? Why are you here?
Sir, we saw you on YouTube
You and 11,486,000 other people
I have 700 more hits than
the laughing diarrhea baby
We need your expertise
Mr. Goodman
Why?
We think they're back
Cross Lake isn't even connected
to Lake Victoria
The Piranha must be migrating
through underground lakes and rivers
I have studied this specimen
for almost a year
You evil
I think you might find this interesting
Okay, this is galvanized steel
like ordinary household plumbing
there we go
now with some incentive
-No, no, not the Frog
-Sorry
I sold out of puppies as a boy
Now I think this is
quite resourceful
watch
Now just something to grab
-You fuck
-Barry, are you crazy?
-You almost lost a hand
-I had a pet frog once
-Come on, help me
-Really?
-Now, lets check some data
-What're you thinking?
These Piranha spent eons
living in underground
lake and rivers full of sulfur dioxide
from all the geothermal activity
that's how they
come back to spore
-They follow the rotten eggs smell
-Yes
Problem is sulfur dioxide is
commonly released during the
shipment of chlorinating water
So its inconceivable that the
fish could become confused
and to enter man-made drainage systems
especially with those shocking
abundance of back yard pools
Our water park drain
directly into Cross lake
That's like equivalent to thousands
of swimming pools
That would be a very bad thing
Did you tell anyone that this could happen?
I tried, but unfortunately
I lost some credibility after my last book
"Foretold Dreadful..
Plague of Walking Fish"
Oh thats right, you
wrote fish walk among us
I loved that book
This is really great
Well thank you
Thanks
Barry
You read a marine biology book?
Well I want to see what
you so interested in
Look guys, we got to check the drains
of the outflow pipe to the lake
tonight
I could get a dive team up here
of 10 people by tomorrow
No, that's too late.
The water park opens tomorrow
That place is going to be packed
if the fishes are getting through
the drain system
that would make Lake Victoria
look like an appetizer
Guys we got to get out there right now
Thank you so much for
your help Mr. Goodman
Thank you
-Thank you, sir, It's an honor
-Okay, be well
Take that laughing diarrhea baby
The two teen Ashley Sowerby
and Travis Mitchell
were reported missing this morning
after their van was pull out of
Cross Lake. No bodies were found
-Thanks for letting me stay here
-No, it was totally cool
How are you felling?
-A little better
-You don't seem any better
Hey what is it?
It just this stress of
the whole Ashley thing
Make love to me
-Please
-Right now?
Please Josh, right now
I think something is really
wrong with me
I feel a little bit better
I don't want to die a virgin
Josh, I want to be with you
Come inside me. I'll do what
ever you said after that
The outflow pipe down there
lead directly to the water park
I got to check them out
Considering how bad-crazy this is, right?
I got to take a look
I'll be quick
Look about what I'm
trying to say last night
Are you coming in?
Because I could really use a spotter
-What?
-I mean if you're
-It's okay
-No no I'm not scared
I can't swim
You work in the water park
and you can't swim?
What about all the beach parties in
high school or the parties at the park
You never
My god Barry, I totally would've
taught how to swim
I know, you seemed kinda
busy at the time
not a big deal
Toss me that torch light
Yes, I know, that is
what I said Chet
Chet Chet listen
I'll find you
Are you sure you want to do this?
No
You let her go in there alone?
-Fuck off Connor
-Oh yes, Barry can't swim
Maddy
-Maddy
-Maddy
Dive, Maddy
No
-Shit
-Get out of the away, get back
-Are you okay?
-I think so
Yes
Don't worry, I wont break
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry
-No, It's ok
I like it. Keep going
-Oh god Shelby
-Fuck me
Oh my God, yes
-Oh my God
-Oh my God
-Come on
-Oh my God
-Oh my God
-Something's wrong
-Oh my god
-Something's wrong
Almost there, almost there
Fuck
What the fuck is on my dick?
Oh my God
Oh my God
Damn, what's this?
Damn it
Oh my God
This is disgusting
Oh Jesus
Josh
I feeling a little better now, Josh?
Josh
Josh
I think I had an accident
Josh
Josh, what are you doing?
Oh my God
Josh
Josh
Josh
Josh
Josh
What the hell did you do to me?
You're going seventy
miles there buddy
Don't you have some place
else better to be?
-Like boning my step daughter
-I'll get to that
First thing first
-You're all good, for now
-Well you're looking for a raise?
With any luck your little
theme park is going
to take off and i'm going to
live off deputy salary forever
So, we're good here?
Yeah, did you check those
outflow pipe at the lake?
Maddy did
She almost got herself killed
How about the grades,
they're still intact?
Should be good, unless there
are another way in the park
-Like that boot leg weld you drilled
-Don't you worry about that
I do worry Chet
I'm the one protecting your unlawful ass
Let me tell you something
Why don't you worry keeping Maddy
and Johnny law off my ass
-I'll take care of my Water Park
-Okay
-Have a nice night deputy
-You too Chet
-Oh by the way
-What in the hell is this?
-I told you were speeding
-Are you shitting me?
Just doing my job
You're a crooked cop
What a night huh
So um..
You an Kyle, I guess you
get back together
No, definitely not
I don't think so, probably not
must be hard to make that decision
Kinda did, didn't I
Josh cut off his penis because
something came out of my vagina
Should we coming too short the
nurses are going to take you guys back
You guys can probably go
Josh is still sedated
and I'm going to stick
around to take a statement
I'll let you you guys
know if I found anything out
How's Shelby?
She's not making a lot
of sense right now but
I'll keep an eye on her too
How about you, you alright?
I'm pretty tired
Get some rest and I'll call you
I'm a Love Hunter, hear what I say
Get on your knees learn how to play
Cause a Love Hunter is coming
to take you away
Love Hunter coming today
That is so sad
Come to bed, Hoffy
It's nappy time
I'm a Love Hunter hear what I'll say
Looks like Donna is ready to play
I'm Rachel
-I'm Donna
-Right
I'm a love Hunter
Two chicks for me
because I am the brightest stars on TV
Yeah, lets party
Welcome to Rock Bottom
Sorry, can you get this thing open?
Wait
I do not know if I can do this
All you is keep baby steps,
little baby steps
What the hell are talking
about baby steps for?
In case you haven't know
fish ate my damn legs
I hate water, I hate it
Remember what
doctor Smith's said
This is all about the road to recovery
strut out with harmless little kiddy pool
I mean, what the worst
that could happen
Couple of kids will
do to you, that's all
Kids...
I can handle that
I'm not afraid of some punk-ass water
I'm not afraid of some punk-ass water
I can't
Don't worry about it, we'll
figure out something else
No, this is weak
-Dump me in the water
-What?
You heard what I said, get
behind the seat, grab the handles
and dump my sorry ass in the water
The way the parent toss
their kid into the pool
when they want to swim
This is a great idea
Alright I can do this
-One, two
-Stop
-Okay okay right, what happened?
-Why you stop?
-You said stop
-Don't listen to my pussy-ass-mouth
No matter what I'll say,
dump me into the water
Okay got it
Not going to listen to
your pussy-ass-mouth
I mean you don't have
a pussy-ass-mouth
Dump me in the water
Okay, here we go
One, two..
Ah shit, no no I changed my mind
No, no you're going in
I changed my mind, I don't
want to go in the water
I don't want to go in the water
-You're going in
-Hey
Leave him alone
No no he wants to go in
No, no the hell I do
I don't want to go in
What's wrong with you? Don't push
that poor legless stump in the pool
Yeah, that's right don't push this
poor legless stump in the pool
Okay, you know what, you
going to go in the water....
No, I dont want to go
Not cool man
I'm not afraid of
some punk-ass-water
Not cool at all
Ladies and gentlemen
Boys and girls
Hot moms of all ages
Welcome to the BIG WE
and now the moment you
all been waiting for
The most famous life
guard of all time
Who wants to party
with the Hoff?
Welcome David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff
Ladies
You know ladies if you
play your card right
You may get private
mouth to mouth resuscitation
Alright without any further a do
Lets all get wet and wild
How are you doing? feeling good?
Come here, gorgeous, my dear
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
kiss of life
Goodbye now
I knew it
What are you doing back here Maddy?
I saw this when I was taking inventory but
But I didn't think to ask why
it's here until now
Well we pumping our own water now
fuck the utilities right?
You can't fill this
Water Park off a well
It's not a standard well
We drilled down a whole lot
further hit an underwater lake
We got enough water
to last until forever
You have no idea
what you've done
Oh sure I did, got us a
nice big fat profit
You don't understand,
you could be
pumping out Piranhas straight
through the water intake pipes
Maddy, its opening day
I have shelled out a
hundred thousand dollars
And you want me to close shop
because there might
Might be Piranha in the pipe.
What else?
Ghosts? Boogieman? Sharks? Snakes?
You're laughable. Laughable
Come on kid..
You been watching too
many movies little girl
You should read romance novels
Are we done? I got work to do
-Mommy I got bit
-Let me see
Oh honey, you just scrape
yourself on something
Go tell a life guard,
he'll get you a bandage
-No mom, it was a Piranha
-It was not a Piranha
What too many people been
talking about Piranha
Now scoot
Hello, hello
-Hello, hey
-Hey
-I got bit by a Piranhas
-What's your name, kid?
-David
-David
That's pretty cool
that my name too
Here you go
-What's this?
-Autograph
-Can I just have a bandage?
-Wait a minute
-You don't know who I am?
-No
You never saw Baywatch?
Running in slow motion
-How about Night Rider?
-No
Talking car? Anaconda 3?
Jekyll and Hyde on Broadway?
-What?
-Mr. Hasselhoff
Hey back off, I'm talking
to my made man here
-You really have no idea who I am?
-Yeah, you're a life guard
and I need a bandage
Can I have a bandage for my
made man David here please?
Sponge bob?
I just going to get
the bandage tomorrow
I'm a life guard
-Are you okay?
-I saw a fish in the splash pool
I know this is crazy
but it was a Piranha.
Like the one on the news. I swear to god
Everybody out of the pool
You got to get them out of the pool.
Right now
Hey, no running
Game over Chet, we got to
shut the Water Park down right now
What sort of no fucking
way don't you hear?
A woman saw a Piranha
in the splash pool
Did you see it? Did you see it?
-No
-You got nothing
I'm evacuating this Water
Park whether you like it or not
Maddy, Maddy,
Maddy
Chet's right, okay
You just going to
cause more panic
-I'm sorry, whose side are you on?
-I'm on a side that being calm
-Lets just go check things up okay?
-You don't believe me
I'm the one who called you
and you don't fucking believe me
Come on kids get out of the pool,
please get out of the Water Park
Please just get out of the water
Maddy, I can't let you do this
Let go of me
What the fuck are you doing man?
Let her go
What are going to
do shark boy huh?
Fuck me with your fucking child-ding?
Let me give you a
piece of advice buddy
You going to need a bigger one
Come on
Oh my God
Come on, go, go
They're back, they're back
They'll find you, they
always fucking find you
No matter where you go
Bring me my legs son
Titanium motherfuckers
Eat this
-I hate the water
-I hate fish
Help, help, help me
Heffy, people are dying
You're a life guard, do something
I'm not a life guard, never was one
Help, help me, help
-When are you going to help?
-Once these idiots get out of the water
Its not like the fish are
going to follow them home
Help me, help
Help me
You went back into the water,
you little ginger moron
Heffy, you're a life guard man
Holy fuck, I'm getting old
I got you
I'm here to rescue
I actually am doing the rescue
Can you put me down now?
Chet
Chet
You see them? You see them now?
We got to drain the pool
Hey Barry, Barry
I need you to go and pump out
and force drain a pool
I've never done that before
It's easy, there are
levers, they are down
You push them straight up
-I got it
-Thanks
Wait, no matter what happens
I loved you since 7th grade.
I always will
I thought you were gay
Really?
I have to get out of here
This is not my fault
-You fucking slut
-Help me
Get off me
Hey yo, come over here
Hey man, look at my ass
-Holy shit
-What ever it is, just get it out
This is going to hurt. You ready?
One, two
Ahhhh...
Okay, come on, come on
we got to get to the pump
Sorry, kid
It's not my fault
Holy shit
Out of the way
Okay, listen, listen.
I want you to get all first aid
supply and bring them outside
Got it?
You got it? Go
I need first aid
-Maddy
-Help
Maddy, Maddy. Come here
-Help me
-I'm promise you I didn't know
-What are talking about?
-The well
Chet promised that he gives
me 35% of the profits
-If I turn a blind eye
-Just help me get out of here please
-I did not know it
-Help. Please
-Please just help me
-The park
-The park
-Please help me
Kyle, please
-I can't do this
-Please help me
No, no, don't don't
Please help me
-Maddy, where's Maddy?
-She's gone I couldn't save her
-Help me. Help me
-Maddy. Maddy
Okay
Be a man, Kyle
Maddy
This was a bad idea
Barry?
Save a Life. Save a life, Kyle
Need a hero?
I got you, oh my god
Get out of the pool
Oh my God
Medic
I need a medic
Maddy?
Maddy
No body munches something off Dave ass
Adios evil fish
How the hell did you
bought a shotgun leg?
The money I paid off socks
Hello
Maddy, you're not
going to believe this
I was right. They are evolving
They learning to walk
Yes, I know
David
-David, get away from that thing
-Mom, it's okay
It's slow on land
Oh my God
Little ginger moron
David Hasselhoff
FISH HUNTER
Rivers fulls of sulfur oxide
Look guys we got to check the
drain outflow pipe...
Look guys we got to check the
drain outflow...
Fuck me
Fish-hunter
Okay
Can we get a little tighter?
He's going to take his glasses off
Alright, either that or I'm going
to wait for the drums to come
do that
You ginger little moron
You..you ginger
-You little ginger moron
-Fuck
Alright. You ginger little moron
Why are you laughing?
I'm a love Hunter
-Oh God, shit
-Hello
Camera's crazy, where is it?
This is good
Where's the place where no fish..
Here we go again. One, two, three
Where's the place with no
fish but plenty of tails
Piranha? What?
That's the wrong places for it right?
Okay here we go once again
What's the line
Come on down and cool off
the hottest hole in town
Ready? Come on down...
Are you serious?
Fifteen dollar, fifteen dollar
Are you serious? Tell him now
Just keep your hand in
the middle like that, yeah
Okay, don't do the hand
because that get two 3D
-Do you want me to start with it out?
-It was 3 double D
Test
How the hell did they get in here?
Even if they're the same grizzly bears
Twinky face
High five son
That?
Mom
-She's kinda cute
-Yeah, she got some talent
-She's what?
-She has some talent
-She's what?
-She has some talent
Your mother has talent?
She's pretty hot
Yeah, don't even think
best in the business
a few years ago
I'm wet all the time
If you want to wetter
come on down and
cool off in a hottest
hole in town
Mine. That wont make the movie
We should add that to the movie
Two chicks for me
because I'm the brightest star..
How are you?
What are doing?
Oh my god you're not done
A flying squirrel
Hoffman
That why I need you to sit on the chair
-The camera is rolling
-For God sake
-Settle down
-Calm down
Action
David, get away from that thing
Mom, It's okay it slow
The fish is flying
Stand up. stand up
Help me
-Help me
-And..
Cut
That my darling is all what
natural selection is all about
party would go on forever
but in just 12 short months the place
known as America's Spring Break Capital
has become a virtual ghost town.
Who can forget the devastating attack
on Lake Victoria that left scores of young
people dead and a community
in shocked and who
could've guess that
this hell on earth
would be rocked by a species
of Piranha believed to be
extinct for the 2 million years
A massive eradication program have left
these waters once teeming with life
silence and dead after a massive
exorcist most property abandoned
the local economy
fell in ruins. Lake Victoria is now a
quarantine area only weeds grow on
beaches where thousand once soaked-up
the sun and the only boats that remained
are dusty relics littering the shoreline.
As we look back from the anniversary
of this tragic event, we left to wonder
if it happened here can it happen again?
and if so, where?
I got my foot stuck
-There she is right there
-Is she dead?
You got big
Yeah, I took second place
in gunning last year
Oh hell, it something around its belly,
find out whats going on down there
There's something in there
-Holy-fine-baby-shit
-God-damn-piece-of-crap
I got a lighter, that smell is awful
That's just a gas you damn coward
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Get away
Hey, it's time to get wet again
Come on down, all my girls are hot
and single
and ready to party with someone like you
-You!
-Put her down boys
So, if you want to cool off, come
on down to the hottest hole in town
Remember double D's swims free
-Oh boy, hold on. Shut it!, shut it!
-Cut!
-Hey!
-Hai
I've to cut some off the pass, here you go
Keep them wet
-and are you guys friends of someone
-Maddy
Get over here and give your step dad a hug
Chet, tell me you did
not fire our old
life guards and replace
them with strippers
-Water-certified strippers
-Really?
-More than that pumpkin
-Unbelievable
Hey listen, before you sweet
mother died God-bless her soul,
she made me promised her to
keep this water park running
I am just going to make
sure that I provide
for you as well as she did, I'm your daddy
now, we're so lucky to have each other
Wow Chet sometimes I think you really
believe whats coming out of your mouth
Believe me doll, you're going to love this
Adult pool?
We are going to make BIG on this
-What do you think?
-I think this is very expensive joke
World's first strip club in a water
park, that's a stroke of genius
No, no, no
Oh, don't worry about that,
we put a little bit of
chlorine, sulfuric
acid into the pool,
it sanitizes everything
Hey Kiki, why don't you get your ass out of the pool
Russian, she's a doctor
Keep you eyes over there on the
flat screen TV
Check it out
That is disgusting
-Do not touch it
-I'm getting rid of it
Don't you touch it
That's not your call
Don't you forget that i'm
still half owner of this place
Oh! Is that right? Raise your hand if you
own 51% of this Water Park
Now, raise your hand if your
-Hey guys
-Hey Maddy
How are you
Well this is a summer show
she finally obtained from accidents
Shut up!
She's afraid to have sex
because her slutty cousin
Stop it!
Here he comes, the boy is going
to pop her cherry
He just doesn't know it yet
Stop it
Hey Maddy, what do you
think of all the changes around here?
-Josh meet Monique. Hi
-Come on
What am I? The last
guy to know you're back?
Hi
-How are you?
-I miss you Me too
Bet you wish you were in
grad school this summer huh?
-I can't believe what Chet done
-I know
This place is everything to me,
working here, hanging out
I know, I miss those moments too
So look now that you're back
Hey you guys are you
sure that such a good idea?
Better not be any underage
drinking going on here
Come on man, I'm on duty
We got fireworks, decent exposure,
probable drugs, definite drugs
Major had to rate you off
I don't see what he has that I don't have
I heard you're back in town so I
figured I stop by and say hi
and I also feel that I should say
something about that time we talked
You don't have to, long distance
relationship real.....
-but you're back now
-For the summer
Shouldn't you be interested in something
-I got be on duty, so...
-Okay
Welcome back
-I have a little party tonight
-Yeah. Yeah me too
I love the water
It's a really...
wet
-What are you thinking about?
-Nothing much
Lets take off all our clothes
and go swimming
Okay cool, sure
-Turn around
-Right, sorry
Shelby
Shelby
Shelby
-Are coming in or what?
-Yeah, I'm coming
No funny stuff, okay?
Alright
-What are you doing?
-You want some of this?
-You want some?
-You're not suppose to splash me back
-What?
-I just felt something
-Is that you?
-What are you talking about?
-What're you doing?
-I didn't
-Well what ever it is I don't like it
-I didn't do anything
-Shelby, where are you going?
-I'm cold, I'm getting out
-You have to do it
-Okay fine
Dear Lord,
-Come on
-Okay, dear Lord
Please forgive us for what
we are about to do
We each know that having relations
before marriages is a sin
but
We know that we'll be forgiven for it
because...
we're praying about it
-Amen
-Amen
-You can fuck me now
-Amen
-Look at this
-What?
Do you like that?
It's mine
Don't make me cuff the other one
-We're moving ,Travis
-I know
-I know
-No
Look, you idiot
-Ashley, are you okay?
-Yeah, the water coming in
-Give me the key for the cuff
-Ah! It must have fallen out
-Find it now
-Where is it?
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Damn it!
-Key for the damn cuff
-I should go for help
-No
-I cannot see anything
I'm sorry
Ashley, hit the door light
and keep looking
damn
What are you doing? Get over here
-Ashley!
-I going to call for help
Get back here
What are you doing?
Ashley! Damn!
Travis
Travis
Travis
Help
There's something in the water
Help! Anybody
Ashley! Help!
Travis, What's going on?
Are you there?
Travis! Travis!
Ashley...
Oh my God
Oh my God, help
Oh my God. Please! Is anybody out there?
Anybody?
-I am sorry, I'm just...
-No It's cool, I don't mind hanging out
You know, it's not you, it's just that..
Do you think that Ashley
is prettier than me
-No
-Most guys do
Well I never liked girls with big breasts
Welcome back Maddy
-Dave
-Yo man
-What the fuck are you doing?
-The hole where the water comes out
-Oh God man
-It's so wet
Hey Shelby, have you seen
Ashley or Travis?
-Neither one of them punch in this morning
-No, I haven't seen either of them
I don't know
Just a sec
-You okay?
-I just feel a little weird
-It's okay
-Here, let me help you
No no I'm fine, really
Are you okay?
Well look who has morning sickness
Nice work papa
Nobody was inside Shel
-I'm sure they're just fine
-Probably shaken up and..
scare they're going to get in trouble
No
Come on, Ash, pick up
-Hello its Ash, leave a message
-Shit, call me
Is there anywhere else
they might have gone?
No, I don't think so
I'm just going to go
Ashley is my best friend
I know she kinda of a slut
She's still in love with my
ex-boyfriend
I'm pretty sure she
also stole a pairs of
earrings that my grandmother
gave me before she dies
but we kinda like sisters
What is that?
Oh my God
We have to get off this thing right now,
hurry
Come on, Shelby
Come on Shelby
grab my hand
Alright, come on, I got you
Oh my God, come on
Oh my God
Quickly
Lets go, we're almost there
No, no, no
Come back Shelby
Come here
You going to have to jump
Come on
You going to have to jump
Let go
Hurry it's just a foot
Alright, I got you
Oh my god
-What is this thing?
-Maddy?
What the fuck is that?
-Oh my God
-Shit
-Is that a fucking Piranha?
-My father
worked construction of a dam
they found fossil like this
when they first broke ground
-He gave me on my birthday
-I telling you man it was a Piranha
How did they get from
Lake Victoria to our lake?
That what we got to find out
What?
Look at us the cop and the marine biologist
I'm sorry but it sound
like a shitty sitcom
The cop and the marine biologist
You're still wet
A little, yeah
Can you open the door?
Kyle, Open the door
Just fooling around
It's funny
dick
Who are you? Why are you here?
Sir, we saw you on YouTube
You and 11,486,000 other people
I have 700 more hits than
the laughing diarrhea baby
We need your expertise
Mr. Goodman
Why?
We think they're back
Cross Lake isn't even connected
to Lake Victoria
The Piranha must be migrating
through underground lakes and rivers
I have studied this specimen
for almost a year
You evil
I think you might find this interesting
Okay, this is galvanized steel
like ordinary household plumbing
there we go
now with some incentive
-No, no, not the Frog
-Sorry
I sold out of puppies as a boy
Now I think this is
quite resourceful
watch
Now just something to grab
-You fuck
-Barry, are you crazy?
-You almost lost a hand
-I had a pet frog once
-Come on, help me
-Really?
-Now, lets check some data
-What're you thinking?
These Piranha spent eons
living in underground
lake and rivers full of sulfur dioxide
from all the geothermal activity
that's how they
come back to spore
-They follow the rotten eggs smell
-Yes
Problem is sulfur dioxide is
commonly released during the
shipment of chlorinating water
So its inconceivable that the
fish could become confused
and to enter man-made drainage systems
especially with those shocking
abundance of back yard pools
Our water park drain
directly into Cross lake
That's like equivalent to thousands
of swimming pools
That would be a very bad thing
Did you tell anyone that this could happen?
I tried, but unfortunately
I lost some credibility after my last book
"Foretold Dreadful..
Plague of Walking Fish"
Oh thats right, you
wrote fish walk among us
I loved that book
This is really great
Well thank you
Thanks
Barry
You read a marine biology book?
Well I want to see what
you so interested in
Look guys, we got to check the drains
of the outflow pipe to the lake
tonight
I could get a dive team up here
of 10 people by tomorrow
No, that's too late.
The water park opens tomorrow
That place is going to be packed
if the fishes are getting through
the drain system
that would make Lake Victoria
look like an appetizer
Guys we got to get out there right now
Thank you so much for
your help Mr. Goodman
Thank you
-Thank you, sir, It's an honor
-Okay, be well
Take that laughing diarrhea baby
The two teen Ashley Sowerby
and Travis Mitchell
were reported missing this morning
after their van was pull out of
Cross Lake. No bodies were found
-Thanks for letting me stay here
-No, it was totally cool
How are you felling?
-A little better
-You don't seem any better
Hey what is it?
It just this stress of
the whole Ashley thing
Make love to me
-Please
-Right now?
Please Josh, right now
I think something is really
wrong with me
I feel a little bit better
I don't want to die a virgin
Josh, I want to be with you
Come inside me. I'll do what
ever you said after that
The outflow pipe down there
lead directly to the water park
I got to check them out
Considering how bad-crazy this is, right?
I got to take a look
I'll be quick
Look about what I'm
trying to say last night
Are you coming in?
Because I could really use a spotter
-What?
-I mean if you're
-It's okay
-No no I'm not scared
I can't swim
You work in the water park
and you can't swim?
What about all the beach parties in
high school or the parties at the park
You never
My god Barry, I totally would've
taught how to swim
I know, you seemed kinda
busy at the time
not a big deal
Toss me that torch light
Yes, I know, that is
what I said Chet
Chet Chet listen
I'll find you
Are you sure you want to do this?
No
You let her go in there alone?
-Fuck off Connor
-Oh yes, Barry can't swim
Maddy
-Maddy
-Maddy
Dive, Maddy
No
-Shit
-Get out of the away, get back
-Are you okay?
-I think so
Yes
Don't worry, I wont break
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry
-No, It's ok
I like it. Keep going
-Oh god Shelby
-Fuck me
Oh my God, yes
-Oh my God
-Oh my God
-Come on
-Oh my God
-Oh my God
-Something's wrong
-Oh my god
-Something's wrong
Almost there, almost there
Fuck
What the fuck is on my dick?
Oh my God
Oh my God
Damn, what's this?
Damn it
Oh my God
This is disgusting
Oh Jesus
Josh
I feeling a little better now, Josh?
Josh
Josh
I think I had an accident
Josh
Josh, what are you doing?
Oh my God
Josh
Josh
Josh
Josh
Josh
What the hell did you do to me?
You're going seventy
miles there buddy
Don't you have some place
else better to be?
-Like boning my step daughter
-I'll get to that
First thing first
-You're all good, for now
-Well you're looking for a raise?
With any luck your little
theme park is going
to take off and i'm going to
live off deputy salary forever
So, we're good here?
Yeah, did you check those
outflow pipe at the lake?
Maddy did
She almost got herself killed
How about the grades,
they're still intact?
Should be good, unless there
are another way in the park
-Like that boot leg weld you drilled
-Don't you worry about that
I do worry Chet
I'm the one protecting your unlawful ass
Let me tell you something
Why don't you worry keeping Maddy
and Johnny law off my ass
-I'll take care of my Water Park
-Okay
-Have a nice night deputy
-You too Chet
-Oh by the way
-What in the hell is this?
-I told you were speeding
-Are you shitting me?
Just doing my job
You're a crooked cop
What a night huh
So um..
You an Kyle, I guess you
get back together
No, definitely not
I don't think so, probably not
must be hard to make that decision
Kinda did, didn't I
Josh cut off his penis because
something came out of my vagina
Should we coming too short the
nurses are going to take you guys back
You guys can probably go
Josh is still sedated
and I'm going to stick
around to take a statement
I'll let you you guys
know if I found anything out
How's Shelby?
She's not making a lot
of sense right now but
I'll keep an eye on her too
How about you, you alright?
I'm pretty tired
Get some rest and I'll call you
I'm a Love Hunter, hear what I say
Get on your knees learn how to play
Cause a Love Hunter is coming
to take you away
Love Hunter coming today
That is so sad
Come to bed, Hoffy
It's nappy time
I'm a Love Hunter hear what I'll say
Looks like Donna is ready to play
I'm Rachel
-I'm Donna
-Right
I'm a love Hunter
Two chicks for me
because I am the brightest stars on TV
Yeah, lets party
Welcome to Rock Bottom
Sorry, can you get this thing open?
Wait
I do not know if I can do this
All you is keep baby steps,
little baby steps
What the hell are talking
about baby steps for?
In case you haven't know
fish ate my damn legs
I hate water, I hate it
Remember what
doctor Smith's said
This is all about the road to recovery
strut out with harmless little kiddy pool
I mean, what the worst
that could happen
Couple of kids will
do to you, that's all
Kids...
I can handle that
I'm not afraid of some punk-ass water
I'm not afraid of some punk-ass water
I can't
Don't worry about it, we'll
figure out something else
No, this is weak
-Dump me in the water
-What?
You heard what I said, get
behind the seat, grab the handles
and dump my sorry ass in the water
The way the parent toss
their kid into the pool
when they want to swim
This is a great idea
Alright I can do this
-One, two
-Stop
-Okay okay right, what happened?
-Why you stop?
-You said stop
-Don't listen to my pussy-ass-mouth
No matter what I'll say,
dump me into the water
Okay got it
Not going to listen to
your pussy-ass-mouth
I mean you don't have
a pussy-ass-mouth
Dump me in the water
Okay, here we go
One, two..
Ah shit, no no I changed my mind
No, no you're going in
I changed my mind, I don't
want to go in the water
I don't want to go in the water
-You're going in
-Hey
Leave him alone
No no he wants to go in
No, no the hell I do
I don't want to go in
What's wrong with you? Don't push
that poor legless stump in the pool
Yeah, that's right don't push this
poor legless stump in the pool
Okay, you know what, you
going to go in the water....
No, I dont want to go
Not cool man
I'm not afraid of
some punk-ass-water
Not cool at all
Ladies and gentlemen
Boys and girls
Hot moms of all ages
Welcome to the BIG WE
and now the moment you
all been waiting for
The most famous life
guard of all time
Who wants to party
with the Hoff?
Welcome David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff
Ladies
You know ladies if you
play your card right
You may get private
mouth to mouth resuscitation
Alright without any further a do
Lets all get wet and wild
How are you doing? feeling good?
Come here, gorgeous, my dear
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
kiss of life
Goodbye now
I knew it
What are you doing back here Maddy?
I saw this when I was taking inventory but
But I didn't think to ask why
it's here until now
Well we pumping our own water now
fuck the utilities right?
You can't fill this
Water Park off a well
It's not a standard well
We drilled down a whole lot
further hit an underwater lake
We got enough water
to last until forever
You have no idea
what you've done
Oh sure I did, got us a
nice big fat profit
You don't understand,
you could be
pumping out Piranhas straight
through the water intake pipes
Maddy, its opening day
I have shelled out a
hundred thousand dollars
And you want me to close shop
because there might
Might be Piranha in the pipe.
What else?
Ghosts? Boogieman? Sharks? Snakes?
You're laughable. Laughable
Come on kid..
You been watching too
many movies little girl
You should read romance novels
Are we done? I got work to do
-Mommy I got bit
-Let me see
Oh honey, you just scrape
yourself on something
Go tell a life guard,
he'll get you a bandage
-No mom, it was a Piranha
-It was not a Piranha
What too many people been
talking about Piranha
Now scoot
Hello, hello
-Hello, hey
-Hey
-I got bit by a Piranhas
-What's your name, kid?
-David
-David
That's pretty cool
that my name too
Here you go
-What's this?
-Autograph
-Can I just have a bandage?
-Wait a minute
-You don't know who I am?
-No
You never saw Baywatch?
Running in slow motion
-How about Night Rider?
-No
Talking car? Anaconda 3?
Jekyll and Hyde on Broadway?
-What?
-Mr. Hasselhoff
Hey back off, I'm talking
to my made man here
-You really have no idea who I am?
-Yeah, you're a life guard
and I need a bandage
Can I have a bandage for my
made man David here please?
Sponge bob?
I just going to get
the bandage tomorrow
I'm a life guard
-Are you okay?
-I saw a fish in the splash pool
I know this is crazy
but it was a Piranha.
Like the one on the news. I swear to god
Everybody out of the pool
You got to get them out of the pool.
Right now
Hey, no running
Game over Chet, we got to
shut the Water Park down right now
What sort of no fucking
way don't you hear?
A woman saw a Piranha
in the splash pool
Did you see it? Did you see it?
-No
-You got nothing
I'm evacuating this Water
Park whether you like it or not
Maddy, Maddy,
Maddy
Chet's right, okay
You just going to
cause more panic
-I'm sorry, whose side are you on?
-I'm on a side that being calm
-Lets just go check things up okay?
-You don't believe me
I'm the one who called you
and you don't fucking believe me
Come on kids get out of the pool,
please get out of the Water Park
Please just get out of the water
Maddy, I can't let you do this
Let go of me
What the fuck are you doing man?
Let her go
What are going to
do shark boy huh?
Fuck me with your fucking child-ding?
Let me give you a
piece of advice buddy
You going to need a bigger one
Come on
Oh my God
Come on, go, go
They're back, they're back
They'll find you, they
always fucking find you
No matter where you go
Bring me my legs son
Titanium motherfuckers
Eat this
-I hate the water
-I hate fish
Help, help, help me
Heffy, people are dying
You're a life guard, do something
I'm not a life guard, never was one
Help, help me, help
-When are you going to help?
-Once these idiots get out of the water
Its not like the fish are
going to follow them home
Help me, help
Help me
You went back into the water,
you little ginger moron
Heffy, you're a life guard man
Holy fuck, I'm getting old
I got you
I'm here to rescue
I actually am doing the rescue
Can you put me down now?
Chet
Chet
You see them? You see them now?
We got to drain the pool
Hey Barry, Barry
I need you to go and pump out
and force drain a pool
I've never done that before
It's easy, there are
levers, they are down
You push them straight up
-I got it
-Thanks
Wait, no matter what happens
I loved you since 7th grade.
I always will
I thought you were gay
Really?
I have to get out of here
This is not my fault
-You fucking slut
-Help me
Get off me
Hey yo, come over here
Hey man, look at my ass
-Holy shit
-What ever it is, just get it out
This is going to hurt. You ready?
One, two
Ahhhh...
Okay, come on, come on
we got to get to the pump
Sorry, kid
It's not my fault
Holy shit
Out of the way
Okay, listen, listen.
I want you to get all first aid
supply and bring them outside
Got it?
You got it? Go
I need first aid
-Maddy
-Help
Maddy, Maddy. Come here
-Help me
-I'm promise you I didn't know
-What are talking about?
-The well
Chet promised that he gives
me 35% of the profits
-If I turn a blind eye
-Just help me get out of here please
-I did not know it
-Help. Please
-Please just help me
-The park
-The park
-Please help me
Kyle, please
-I can't do this
-Please help me
No, no, don't don't
Please help me
-Maddy, where's Maddy?
-She's gone I couldn't save her
-Help me. Help me
-Maddy. Maddy
Okay
Be a man, Kyle
Maddy
This was a bad idea
Barry?
Save a Life. Save a life, Kyle
Need a hero?
I got you, oh my god
Get out of the pool
Oh my God
Medic
I need a medic
Maddy?
Maddy
No body munches something off Dave ass
Adios evil fish
How the hell did you
bought a shotgun leg?
The money I paid off socks
Hello
Maddy, you're not
going to believe this
I was right. They are evolving
They learning to walk
Yes, I know
David
-David, get away from that thing
-Mom, it's okay
It's slow on land
Oh my God
Little ginger moron
David Hasselhoff
FISH HUNTER
Rivers fulls of sulfur oxide
Look guys we got to check the
drain outflow pipe...
Look guys we got to check the
drain outflow...
Fuck me
Fish-hunter
Okay
Can we get a little tighter?
He's going to take his glasses off
Alright, either that or I'm going
to wait for the drums to come
do that
You ginger little moron
You..you ginger
-You little ginger moron
-Fuck
Alright. You ginger little moron
Why are you laughing?
I'm a love Hunter
-Oh God, shit
-Hello
Camera's crazy, where is it?
This is good
Where's the place where no fish..
Here we go again. One, two, three
Where's the place with no
fish but plenty of tails
Piranha? What?
That's the wrong places for it right?
Okay here we go once again
What's the line
Come on down and cool off
the hottest hole in town
Ready? Come on down...
Are you serious?
Fifteen dollar, fifteen dollar
Are you serious? Tell him now
Just keep your hand in
the middle like that, yeah
Okay, don't do the hand
because that get two 3D
-Do you want me to start with it out?
-It was 3 double D
Test
How the hell did they get in here?
Even if they're the same grizzly bears
Twinky face
High five son
That?
Mom
-She's kinda cute
-Yeah, she got some talent
-She's what?
-She has some talent
-She's what?
-She has some talent
Your mother has talent?
She's pretty hot
Yeah, don't even think
best in the business
a few years ago
I'm wet all the time
If you want to wetter
come on down and
cool off in a hottest
hole in town
Mine. That wont make the movie
We should add that to the movie
Two chicks for me
because I'm the brightest star..
How are you?
What are doing?
Oh my god you're not done
A flying squirrel
Hoffman
That why I need you to sit on the chair
-The camera is rolling
-For God sake
-Settle down
-Calm down
Action
David, get away from that thing
Mom, It's okay it slow
The fish is flying
Stand up. stand up
Help me
-Help me
-And..
Cut
That my darling is all what
natural selection is all about