Pirates (2021) Movie Script

Hey, you.
You, you, you, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You, yeah.
You look good.
Understand we have a lot
of sexual tension going on.
Being a sexual tractor beam's
a burden.
I find it difficult, too.
Mm, mm, mm.
I'm successful and sexy.
Oh, shit.
Is it weird that
I wanna kiss me?
Relax your tits, Uncle Ibbs.
Quick snack break and I'll be
right back to work, yeah?
Tell me how this snack tastes...
- Oh!
- dick breath.
Oi, stop eating those "plantons"
and get back to work.
Smoking that ganja every night.
It's "plantain."
Boys, this is the last time
things will be the way
they were 'cause...
'cause I'm leaving the ICC.
You need to find another
manager 'cause I can't...
Good job, Robert.
When you assert yourself,
respect is inevitable.
Hey, come back! Hey!
Hey, where you going, Robert?
Guys, guys, I'm just...
Ah, big Cappo.
Man, like Two Tonne, you know?
- You ready for tonight?
- New year, prepped and rolled.
I'll bring my PlayStation.
I'll bring the porn.
Tekken and titties, bruv.
Can you even use DVD's
on a PlayStation?
Of course.
I'll google that.
- What's "goo-goo"?
- Google.
It's a search thing we use at
university that kinda helps.
Never mind.
Hey, Cap, listen.
Look, you went uni,
I'm still here.
I'm done stacking
Pritt Sticks and PVA.
Like, I've found something
we've gotta do,
- and it ain't school.
- What's wrong with school?
Well, you're the only one
who's still going, Cap.
We're on pirate radio now.
Yeah, we made it.
Our demo was a classic.
The three of us in one room
got us on Freek FM.
When we're together,
it's just different.
And while you been at uni,
bro, we've blown up.
The Ice Cold Crew ain't
nothing without you, Cap.
But look, you
can still manage the ICC
and do university.
You can do both, bro.
I know you can.
After radio come the raves,
manager man.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on
Cap, time to step it up.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on
So, you're gonna help us
make it, right?
Okay so I wanted to talk to
you about
About what, Caps?
Okay, so, university
has just been...
it's been huge for me, and
it's great to be back, but...
But we haven't planned
anything for the biggest
- New Year's Eve ever.
- That's not what I was gonna...
You're right, it's
the flippin millennium,
We're the dickheads staying in.
No. Wait, yeah.
I can't get stuck here
like sticky Bill.
Heard he's got a willy
like a witch's finger.
That can't be us.
- No, wouldn't let that happen.
- Y'alright.
We're not stuck here, T...
we're from here.
Well, you left.
And you're back now,
so we need a real plan
for New Year's for the ICC.
Oi. What're you doing?
- Shit. Sorry.
- Where's your pass?
- I'm looking for your manager.
- Wait.
- Is that...?
- I don't care who you're here
to see, twinkle tits, alright?
The unicorn.
It's, it's,
it's my desire
- Are you gonna talk to her?
- Mm?
She's at university now, T.
If you don't make a move,
she'll have a man
by Easter break.
You still like her?
Cap, she's perfect.
If she shit in my hand,
I'd clap.
- Bruv.
- Yo, Terrell!
Hey, how are you doing?
Ah, missed you, man.
- Happy New Year, babe.
- You good, Calvin?
- Y'alright, Sophie?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Mm.
- Mm?
- Mm.
So, you're home for New Year's?
I rented every Eddie Murphy
movie from Blockbuster.
What, Prince Akeem
on loop, yeah?
I'm a Jaffe Joffer girl.
King shit only.
- Ohh!
- Oh, ah!
So, you...
you heard the show?
Can't believe you lot
are pirates now.
You're getting really good.
I hear you're famous.
In like a 2-mile radius,
yeah, they're famous.
- We're famous.
- What you lot doing later?
It's the first New Year's
we can actually
- do something that's not shit.
- Facts. Mm.
No more under-18 raves.
Yes, and if the world's
gonna end,
I might as well be dancing
to E.Z. when it does.
So, you lot going out, then?
Yo, T, T, we need
to talk about...
- We need to be out tonight.
- Oh, is it?
Where we going, then?
- The club.
- Which club?
- The big one.
- Which big club?
The big clubby club, man.
Fucking hell.
Ignore him, we're probably
gonna chill out here...
Meet me tonight and, uh...
I'll get us in somewhere sick.
And we can do
the countdown together.
You wanna be with me
at midnight?
So, where else would I wanna be?
- Trust me?
- T!
- Text me where to be.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
- This is my new number, yeah?
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Oh, make sure you take it,
too, Calvin.
You know how mad phones
can be, know what I mean?
- Mad, yeah.
- Yeah.
So I'll see you tonight, then.
It's my desire
Cap, I'm gonna
make a sex on her.
Mate, how?
You got no money, no garms,
and nowhere to go.
Top-tier counterfeits,
little man.
- Sure.
- Proper tier.
I swear Evisu ain't spelled
like that.
Since when you become
the expert in German?
Evisu ain't German.
It's Japanese.
- Same shit.
- Or shit fakes.
Shit? The only
shit thing around here
- is your facial hair.
- What? No, it's not.
What's the matter with them two?
You make 'em nervous.
That tracksuit makes me nervous.
- Flippin' fire hazard.
- What's wrong with this?
Oi, cat flap!
I-It's Cappo.
Cuppa what? Cuppa shit.
Make sure you get
these two idiots
over to my ting later, yeah?
Uncle Ibbs, we're going out out.
Why, bredren?
Come to my ting later,
do some chattin', whatever.
- It's at the old place.
- The people trafficking place?
Yeah, that place.
Don't tell your mum.
- Oh, no.
- You see sense,
you know where to find me.
Welcome home, manager man.
Oi, I proper missed
the custard cream, Cap.
- Innit?
- Made some tweaks.
- Wow!
- Low it, T.
- My mum wanted me to...
- What, look like a chief?
She had 'em done before I left.
She wanted to keep an eye on me.
This is mad!
Ay, choose me on
the Monster Munch, T.
- Why you so craven?
- Hey, sharing is godly.
God wants you to rest your gums.
You two got good at bitching
whilst I was gone, innit?
Without you and
the custard cream,
we got good at the bus, bruv.
And we got amazing
at ducking DTI.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ducking who?
- Dep... The Department...
- Department... of Trade and...
Department of Trade
and Industry. Shut up, Kid.
They kicked off the doors
at Heat FM.
Everyone was in the cells
for 48 hours.
Yo, records, decks, rig,
skeleton keys.
- All confiscated. Mad.
- Mad!
Whatever it takes to get
on the airwaves, Caps.
Bet your mum knows my bars.
My mum knows your bars?
Everywhere we go, they know
Ice Cold Crew.
They know who we are now, Cap.
- Is it?
- Caps, it flippin' is.
That's it for the bags, yeah?
It's always me, innit?
- Hey, hurry up, Cap!
- Come on, bro!
I missed us, man.
- Too much?
- A little.
I thought it was romantic.
It's Freek FM, 101.8,
down to the ICC.
The Ice Cold Crew
to the emcee...
What's the plan for later,
then, Caps?
Plan? I didn't promise
Sophie... you did.
Fine, I'll just get us
in somewhere, then.
I dunno, bruv.
I'll magic up something.
- You an illusionist now, yeah?
- Your mum's an illusionist.
Bruv, I told you
about the mum...
The ICC's here
live on Freek FM North London.
Text all your requests
on the re...
Kid. We're live.
You gonna be a part
of this radio show or what?
I'm peeling a satsuma.
We're on air and you're
fucking sucking citrus.
How we ever gonna end up
Yo, that's it.
Yo. Hey, man!
Oh, shit!
- Oh!
- What?
He's playing that game,
the one your mum made us play
at Christmas...
uh, Shanaynays?
- Charades.
- Shanaynays, bro.
Okay, it's a film, two words.
First word... anal.
Tonight, that's us.
That poster, that's us.
Tonight, we're going
Twice As Nice
- at flippin' Club Colosseum.
- You reckon.
Yeah, we ain't' starting
a new millennium
with porn, zoots, and
a flippin' PlayStation.
- Ooh, FIFA tournament.
- Not tonight, Kid.
Tonight, getting into that party
is the only thing that matters.
Caps, if you and your
big brain can make it happen,
I'll get Sophie.
If I get Sophie...
I might touch a boob.
Wow! Boob!
Anything could happen
after that, I wouldn't care.
But this isn't just any
New Year, it's the New Year.
Anyone who's anyone
is gonna be there.
And I'm gonna be there.
We're gonna be there!
Look, whatever happens
with Sophie,
I'm starting the year 2000
at Twice As flippin' Nice
with my best mates.
You want the same thing, right?
Look, I know you're not
asking me, yeah,
but for what it's worth, I do.
Yeah, I want things
to be nice... twice.
You do too, innit, Cap?
- I'm in.
- Yes! Oh, yes!
So, what you so desperate
to talk about, eh, Caps?
Ah, it can wait.
Priorities, T.
Let's get these fucking tickets.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
So, what's the plan, T?
Well, I hadn't really
thought past this bit.
What, so we drove
all this way just to be...
Normally you're the man
with the plan, not me.
Look, it's probably the only
place with tickets left.
So, how we gonna buy them?
Buy 'em?
Kid is gonna nick a set.
- Is he?
- Man like Kid.
I heard that Kid
isn't gonna do that.
Wait, doesn't your ex work
in there?
We don't really talk
like that, so... nah...
These are twisted Levi's,
you chief!
I saw you got those
from Uncle Ibbs.
Bruv, you got fake ones?
Not you, Two Tonne. Not you.
Look, these ain't
no pirate jeans.
Look, me and Kelly, we're not
on the most amicable terms.
- What'd you do?
- It's... it's complicated.
What happened?
Oh, fuck sakes.
Yo, Two Tonne,
if she pies you off,
ask for Ronnie...
probably feel sorry for you.
- Was it that bad?
- Worse.
Hey, Kel, h-how you been?
It's good to see you, T.
You're looking well,
Yeah, yeah, I, uh...
Considering you're in a coma.
I-I got better?
You told me you were terminal.
- Surprise!
- Six months.
It's been six months since
you dumped me so you could
go on holiday with your mates
as a single man.
Kelly, look, I didn't dump you.
You're right, the doctor
you pretended to be
told me you were dying.
I messed up, but I'm
a pretty messed-up guy.
But you were always there
for me in ways
I just wasn't grown
enough to understand.
Because, like...
you're my fire, Kel.
The one desire.
Believe when I say,
I want it that way, but
we're two worlds apart.
I can't reach to your heart
when you say
that I want it that way.
Like tell me why, Kel.
Ain't nothing but a heartache.
Tell me why, Kel.
Ain't nothing but a mistake.
Like, tell me why, Kel.
I never wanna hear you say,
like, that I want it that way.
Wait... is that J.Lo?
- Hm?
- Nah.
That's those boys,
the American ones.
- The backdoor something.
- Back-a-yard bush boys.
- T?
- Mm?
I know you didn't just try
to explain yourself to me
using the lyrics
from "I Want It That Way"
- by the Back-a-bush...
- Backstreet Boys.
Backstreet fucking Boys.
The words chimed with me,
you know what I mean.
Terrell, I swear to God.
Whoa, whoa, wait,
you don't happen to have
like four tickets left
for Twice As...
Don't call me, don't text me.
I never wanna see you
again, pencil dick!
Look, why don't we just go
Uncle Ibbs' thing, yeah?
- It's gonna be...
- Shut up, Kid.
How about you just call Soph?
Tell her you made a promise
you can't keep.
Can... Can we not, though?
It's... I-I don't
really like change.
He's right, I can't mess up
my chance with Sophie.
She knows all the words
to "Gangsta's Paradise."
She's one of the special ones.
So why change the plan?
There's gotta be
some snides about.
I can have a go
on Microsoft Paint.
I'm hard with the clip art.
What, fake tickets, Kid?
Who's stupid enough
to make fake tick...
Uncle Ibbs!
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh! Thought
you were the old bill.
- Oh, God.
- Don't tell your mum.
- We're after tickets.
- For my party?
- Nah.
- Mnh-mnh.
What tickets do you want, then?
Rewind, selecta!
Can you sort Twice As Nice?
Like knock-offs or something.
- Like a printout, even.
- You got no pubies yet, man.
We're 18 now. We can finally
go out for real.
18? Since when?
Since this year.
- Grown.
- Adults.
Yeah, men, ah?
Well, whatever happens,
this year...
we're getting it.
- Go home, boys.
- You just let in dickheads.
His Mosch ain't even real.
- Edges ain't even laid, bro.
- Innit?
Go home.
Look, is there any way
we can sort...
This ain't no under-18 ting.
- Come back when you're...
- What?
- You calling me...
- Yes.
I'm saying you're built
like a double-decker bus.
You are fat.
You got hips, bruv.
I wanna take you in there,
I wanna slow dance with you.
Ooh, you remind me of his mum.
Don't come back...
till you're 18!
We were kids then,
but we're men now.
I remember
New Year's when I was 18.
Gyal dem. Ahh.
Batty crease.
It was a movie.
What's a movie
without cock-porn, eh, T?
- Popcorn.
- I said "popcorn."
- He said popcorn.
- Yeah, popcorn.
What's a movie without popcorn?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alright, yeah,
I'll make some calls.
You'll do it?
Four tickets,
Twice As Nice, tonight?
Yeah, bad man.
I think that's a yes.
- Yeah.
- Yes!
Ah, he's taking the piss now.
- It's been about 40 minutes.
- Yeah.
You think we should call him?
He'll call.
- Kid, I think we should...
- I'm playing Snake.
- Cap, I swear...
- Chill, please.
Oh. Hello.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm with them now, yeah.
What, the ugly one or the one
with the big head?
No, no, you can't say that.
Okay, I'll let them know.
I'll let them know now.
Okay, bye.
- Kid.
- You're right,
We should've got more chips.
- I swear to God, Kid!
- No, no, no!
- Kid.
- Listen, if I don't play
- with her, she'll be sad.
- Has he text back?
- Kid, how long's he gonna be?
- Listen, Uncle Ibrahim said
he's always late, yeah?
He'll have tickets.
- Real ones.
- Real ones? From your uncle?
Yo, Kid, look, just tell us
what he said to you.
Can we just call him?
I'm gonna call him.
Look, my uncle called
my brother, yeah?
He called a guy
who owes him one.
The guy who owes him one
has tickets.
Those tickets
are now ours, yeah?
Ours, bruv.
You need to Radox relax.
- Oh my... I swear to God...
- Oi, Cap.
You know they do bar snacks
at Camden Palace now?
- What?
- Camden Palace. Bar snacks.
I prefer the olives
at Leisure Lounge, though.
My bar snack league table
goes Eros, The End,
Destiny's, Area,
Hanover Grand...
- Kid.
- Still going.
Gas Club, Brixton Mass,
Hollywood's, Orleans.
The one went to with your mum,
two weeks ago I think.
Kid, who still has tickets
for New Year's Eve
on New Year's Eve?
My brother's mate.
I swear I just said.
- W-w-w-which mate?
- Err... Mega? Megan?
Might have been Marvin.
- M-M-M-Megaman?
- Oh, yeah, that's the one.
Well, you're welcome.
- W-What?
- I never tell you
what happened to when he went south?
You went to South London?
- Mega!
- Yo, what we say?
I get love in South London, Kid.
Alright, darling?
Whenever I'm there, yo, I'm VIP.
Oh, shit! Bruh!
Well, you know me.
I'll do mad tings.
I'm like.
Dem gyal, they just can't
leave me alone!
Megaman, I see you.
Emcee was bigging me up, bruv.
Game recognize game,
know what I'm saying?
So I'm popping bottles, yeah,
lit my zoot.
And Mega just wouldn't
leave me alone.
So I was like,
"Let's just vibe, Mega."
Yeah, big man T!
I wanna see you shake it,
shake it, see you get low.
Bro, everyone was
acting like fans.
But me, well,
I was playing it cool.
My lyrical word
Oh, no, that's the word
Oh, no, that's the word
Then it happened.
Oh, no, that's the word
Oh, no, that's the word
Romeo's in the premises
Energy, energy, big man.
Energy crew, energy, energy.
And if you wanna boo this
Gonna make you jump up,
move ya feet to this
Hey, Megaman on fire.
- Megaman?
- Hold up!
Shit. Megaman's on fire.
- Megaman?
- Well, let's spray him, lads!
Oh, my days.
I like it when it's crispy.
So, what,
he's on his way here now?
Oh, no, he's here.
- Is he gonna recognize you?
- I dunno. Like, it was dark.
- He was on fire.
- Huh?
Yes, Kid! What's good?
Good to see you,
good to see you.
- Oh, my God, he's so solid.
- You not gonna spud, man?
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm...
It's your lucky day, little man.
VIP, champs on entry,
the full ting.
Let's say, what, 60 quid?
- Each?
- You know what? Fuck it.
For you young ones, 60 all in.
Call it a late Christmas.
And don't thank me,
thank your brother.
Now, let me get that Lizzy
and I'll see you young'uns
in the VIP, yeah?
Wait, can we just have
a team talk quickly?
- Eh, it won't take a second.
- Team talk?
Do your ting, man.
- Get here now.
- Yo.
- Do I know you, bredren?
- Eh, he'll just be one second.
He saw me, he's gonna smash
me, he's gonna smash my face.
Shut up, empty your pockets,
give me what you've got.
- But we're broke.
- Whatever you have, now!
- Oh, yeah. Nice one.
- That's it.
Oh, sexy.
Remember that clown-face
youth from Ezekiel's?
18 quid, Tamagotchi,
and an empty packet
of Fizz Wizz.
We're brassic.
Fuck the money.
He knows it's me, man.
Yeah, bruv, that dickhead.
Yeah, it's him, bruv.
- Okay, so he knows it's you.
- Who's he calling?
- Can you take a punch?
- What's that got to do...
- Can you take a punch or not?
- I'mma call you back.
- Gimme two secs.
- I'll negotiate.
- No, no.
- No, please don't do anything.
Ay, Mr. Man! Megan. Marvin.
- Listen. I've got a plan.
- So have I.
Let me chat to my man
real quick.
One punch, yeah?
One clean solid punch to
the face, then we're quits.
This dude tried to cook
my fucking Avirex...
- with me in it!
- Mr. Man, Marvin, listen.
One delicious, undefended
punch, yeah?
No chase, no resistance.
Imagine how good
that would feel, mm? Mwah!
- Undefended who now?
- Chill, chill, chill.
So let's get this done, then.
Come now.
Whoa, come... c-come where?
You wanna bun up people?
You wanna have the best
- New Year's ever?
- But he's gonna punch me
- in the face.
- Just once.
One punch, best time
of your life.
- Wow, really Cap?
- One punch, T. One.
One punch.
Come on.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- What's wrong?
Is this gonna leave a mark?
You got this, champ.
We don't have to do
all this, you know.
Are you sorry?
Yo, Mega, of course.
Hey, you know I love
your music, you know.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Like "Oh, No," you know.
Deep, deep inside
Deep, deep down inside
Aah! Alright.
Happy New Year, you lot.
Enjoy the party, yeah?
Oh, shit!
Biggest I could find.
T, how's your eye?
Hey, T.
It was worth it, bruv.
That thump got us the tickets.
But he got you good, you know.
He was like bang!
And you were like good night.
So, like, in a way,
you were just as tough,
because you didn't give him
the satisfaction of tears.
Or, like, a fight.
Sorry, Cap.
Oh, Uncle Ibbs wants to know
if anyone wants to buy
a prosthetic leg.
Comes with a Gucci shoe.
Comes with a Gucci shoe-ah!
Oh, he's asking
if we're definitely not
going to his tonight.
We ain't spending New Year's
Eve with your uncle.
Why not?
We'll get free drinks.
Soph could bring her girls.
Y'know the one you like, Caps.
- You know the one.
- Which, which one?
The one that looks like you
but with the long hair.
I mean, ugly, a little bit.
After that punch, we're going
Twice As Nice, Kid.
All of us.
You, Caps, me, and my big eye.
Ahh, Sophie.
Inside the club it is.
What you wearing, then, Caps?
- No hats, no trainers, bruv.
- Mm.
Might have to break out
the plum number still.
You got anything else
you might wanna try?
Plum makes the ladies hum,
- Mnh-mnh.
- Uh...
But you don't know any ladies.
Nah, nah, my mum hums
"Amazing Grace"
whenever I wear my plum suit,
so that makes me feel at home
sometimes, you know what I mean.
Huh? Your mum does what?
- She what?
- What?
Holy shit!
Ay, bruv, never share that
with anyone else.
Well, I think
I look smart in it.
- It's a coffin suit.
- Well, I like my suit, guys.
No one likes your suit!
My Tamagotchi
don't like your suit.
Hey, what you wearing then, Kid?
- Dax wax on the curls.
- Ooh, red tin?
Off-key everything.
- Rah!
- Full Mosch-ah!
- Shades?
- Nah. You?
Looks like you caught
that Y2K bug, bruv.
You know the sexual ting.
What creps you lot wearing?
Mm, mm.
Gooch or Cox.
Can't decide.
Know this, I took a thump
for them tickets,
so me and my big eye
are gonna shut it down.
Two Tonne and Cappo
on the dance floor!
And Kidda.
You know I ain't spending
this new millennium
dressed like some granddad
while you lot
are all designered out.
- I know, I know.
- Just... There we go.
- Fuckin' hell, man.
- Easy does it.
There we go.
Where we going?
Deep, deep inside
Boys, we're going on a mission.
Look, look, look, I know
we're brass, but I got a plan.
First we fly by Sophie's
and drop off her ticket.
Yo, yo, that's smart, Cap.
Then we pull a garms plan.
So, who's doing it?
Well, as the manager,
gotta make a managerial call.
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
Not me.
I got my shit, plus I can
barely see, so, ain't on me.
What are you lot on about?
Kid, time to step up.
All you gotta do is look casual.
Grab me some expensive garms.
Wait. Fuck it.
Get enough for all of us.
Then get to that changing room.
But look natural.
Get 'em on, all the garms.
Yeah, and that's when I show up.
Cooler than Kriss Akabusi.
Blending in.
When you're done,
give me the signal.
Then you pay attention, Kid.
It's gonna be so...
Ow! My leg! My leg!
Help, help, help, help!
Up you get, son.
You're alright.
- Come on, up you get.
- Oh, oh, my leg, my leg.
And that's when you bounce.
My leg, my leg!
This one!
Well, did you get 'em?
All the garms!
- Ahhh!
- Yes!
- I told you! I told you!
- Oh, shit!
Twice As fucking Nice!
- Ooh!
- Whoo!
Getta widda rhythm,
getta widda drum
Getta widda rhythm,
getta widda drum
Hunh! Hunh!
Are you ready?!
Feel the bad gyal bass
Feel the bad gyal
bass injection
Here's the deejay
wid the boom selection
This one psychotic,
it should be sectioned
It's the rage insane
when I feel no pain
Excuse while I get
into your brain
Let the bass
vibrate them veins
Go fuck you up
like it was cocaine 'cause
Dib-e-dee the dyna-mi-tie
To get the people
dem a lively
Lively, lively
And den we shout "Boo"
inna yo ed
Lyrical shot, get pop,
vibes spread
Gotta give you something
that everybody dread
Make the gunman run
and call feds I said
Den we shout "Boo"
inna yo ed
Lyrical shot,
get pop, vibes spread
Gotta give you something
that everybody dread
Make the gunman run
and call feds I said
Getta widda plantain chip,
getta widda plantain chip
Ay, tonight's already a classic.
And we haven't even been
to Twice As Nice yet.
And, Sophie's gonna be there
so that's a massive boner.
Wait, you said "boner."
Yeah, "bonus," yeah.
I meant bonus.
- Ha-ha-ha!
- Good green.
Amazing manager.
See what happens
when you're here, Caps?
Ay, shit just clicks.
The way I'm gonna flex
in my new shit.
I'll be irresistible...
Boys, this is the last time
things will be the way
they were 'cause...
'cause I'm leaving the ICC.
Let's go Millennium Dome.
I wanna climb it.
Hey, Cap. Hey, Cap, Cap.
- Mm?
- Hey, Sophie's the kinda girl
I hold my farts in for,
you know.
I'm gonna make a sex on her.
It's finally her turn
for some of this black magic.
It's gonna be like
when we were kids.
Ah, she's gonna be a sixth
Spice Girl.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
She wasn't there
when we made this.
She's not part of ICC, the crew.
How many times have we
listened to that damn tape?
No, listen, between you
coming back and this tape,
everything changes
in the year two million, yeah.
How can you not wanna listen
to our demo?
Demo, demo, demo...
Come on, come on
Are you mad?
This tape is our big bang.
It goes demo, radio, raves...
What's wrong?
I didn't book.
Kid, you don't need a haircut.
I haven't trimmed in three days.
- Yeah, I need a haircut.
- You look fine.
Fine?! Caps.
The only plaster for my pain
is my barber.
Get me to the barber shop.
Wanna take your hands
off the wheel now.
- Five, four, three, two, one.
- Oh!
Trust me.
What do you mean?
You don't know football.
What you know about football?
Yo, Clips. Yo, wassup?
- You got an appointment?
- No, but I, um...
Did you book an appointment?
No, but see what happened was
my phone, actually...
Do you have an appointment?
- 'Course I do.
- Mm, that's right.
- So what can I do for you, Kid?
- I need a trim, bad.
No, no, what you need to do,
you need to learn, yeah?
'Cause you need to stop coming
in my shop, yeah,
jumping the queue without an
appointment asking for a trim,
'cause you ain't gonna
get one, alright?
- And you?
- Mm.
Ugh, that looks contagious, man.
You need an eye patch
or something.
It's minor, bruv.
What you talking about?
Are you gonna start
the new year like that?
Who punched off your face
for you?
Was it Steven Seagal?
He done works on your face,
brudda, yeah.
Why you laughing?
It's not funny.
- It's minor, man.
- It's massive.
So are my tips, yeah?
A pound.
- Pound down.
- Alright, sorry.
I got it.
Thank you.
Yo, 'cause I like you, yeah?
- Yeah, yeah?
- I'm gonna do you a favor.
Thank you, thank you.
Move, brother, move.
No, no, no, no, no listen,
alright, listen, listen.
- I'm gonna refer you to Jim.
- To... to who, now?
Jim. Jim, yeah.
Go to Jim. Jim.
Are you that Wesley Snipes?
Play it! Who's next?
- He is, Jim.
- Ah?
- Come now.
- Oh, nah.
Nah, mi nuh have appointment.
- It's alright.
- Huh?
- He's free.
- Nah, nah, Jim.
- Mi busy.
- You busy?
Everything irie, man.
Yeah, everything criss.
Alright, seeing as you're busy,
come out my shop
if you're not trimming.
Come out my shop
if you ain't trimming, yeah?
Stop coming in here
wasting my time, bruv.
Listen, nah, nah, nah.
Ayo, Clips, come outside bruv.
Who? Are you punkin' me?
I'm going, I'm going!
Sophie's good for eleven.
She has no idea
how sexy I'm gonna look.
Ah, poor kid.
Yeah, I feel sorry for her, too.
Anyone else hungry?
A patty would go down
wicked right now.
Alright Cap.
You know what he's like
when he's hungry?
Me? I'm adorable.
Kid, where we're going you
need to hold it down,
Relax your little ball bags.
I'm adorable, ask your mum.
Chill man!
What's that smell?
I been seasoning.
What can I get you?
All the food, Bruv.
All the food?
You know that we're closing s...
Safe. Can I order now?
What would you like?
Okay. Wait.
Oh, actually,
what will you man get?
Er, can I have red...
red pea soup please?
Just wings and a patty please?
Let me get a small, no large.
Oh, no, actually can I grab a...
Bruv, I think you should
probably just...
let me get a stew fish...
It finish.
- Curry mutton.
- Sold out.
Two chicken and rice.
What rice?
- White rice.
- It finish.
- Rice and peas?
- Safe.
Let me get plenty of gravy
with that though, yeah?
Uh, two festival.
Sold out.
Fried dumpling.
How many?
- Two.
- No.
One left.
Just, just...
Just take the one.
- Anything else?
- Yeah.
Let me grab a large order
of plantain.
Reggae banana.
- You mean plantin?
- Plan-tain!
Listen, shabba, plan-tain!
Where you find that?
On a moun-tain?
So why your face look so stupid?
- Eh, what?
- So that's a red pea soup,
- wings and patty...
- Yes, Miss.
Stew chicken, plenty of
gravy, rice and peas,
one dumpling,
and a large plantin.
Or you want something else?
You see the way you said
it was kind of offensive.
That's per-perfect, perfect.
Everything's cool.
It's cool, right?
Yeah, plantin.
That's everything.
Thank you very much.
Happy New Year.
I think she's into me.
See what she said, "Awwo."
Oh, chills man.
You sure it's no jeans tonight?
This ain't no Wasteman Uni rave.
The ticket said no...
No hats, no trainers, I know,
but I don't remember it
saying anything about denim.
It's on the back of the tickets.
Pass 'em then.
You asking me for?
Cap's been reading
and re-reading those tickets
since you took a tump.
I gave you the envelope
with the tickets and bands.
No, you didn't.
I'm gonna need you to be
real with me, yeah?
What did you do
with the envelope?
What did I do with the envelope?
Fuckin' patty!
- What?
- Where are the tickets, Kid?
Wait. Was that my patty?
I dunno.
When did you last see 'em?
Uh, we were in the car.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Um, I had a read.
I put them in my pocket.
Well, have you
checked your pockets?
Empty. Sorry.
All my fuckin' days, man.
When I gave you the tickets
in the car...
Yeah, yeah.
Where did you put them?
In my... top pocket.
Or my joggers.
Where's the last place...
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit what?
What's "Oh, shit"?
Oh, shit.
What's "Oh, shit"?
What's happened?
Oh, shit!
What's "Oh, shit"?
Oi! Yo, talk to me, man!
The changing room.
Oh, shit!
What's "Oh, shit"?
What's "Oh, shit"?
You ready, Kid?
Me? I thought
you were going in.
I don't wanna get clocked.
Well, neither do I. So...
Well, they might know my face.
Well, they definitely know mine.
Yeah. You were in and out.
But I been shopping in there
for time.
Look, we're nearly there.
Can we just focus on the...
Since when they them
entry level Avirex at Probito?
You're too cheap, man.
Cheap?! Moi?
Come on, man.
Your Uncle Ibraheem has been
feeding you some mad garms
since NAF-NAF puffers.
What? Mine wasn't fake.
It was an import.
- It said NUFF NUFF.
- It was Italian actually!
- You man!
- Shut up Cap!
- Hating on my wardrobe.
- Well, your Mum's a wardrobe.
No, it is in fact your mum
that is a wardrobe.
Built like a fridge, bruv!
A big ting with a freezer
on top!
In fact, your Mum's
the biggest wardrobe of all.
Your Mum's Narnia, bruv!
I went in there,
couldn't find my way out!
Or what, what are you gonna do?
- Shut up!
- You man!
- What?!
- They're closing the shutters!
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Please, please, please!
Fuck sakes!
We keep changing our plan.
Yeah, I don't like change.
Yeah, so why don't we
just go to Uncle...
If we don't get in,
I'm gonna lose Soph
to some university prick.
Ask Cappo.
Why are you lot acting like...
Well, what?
Stupid? Can't keep up
with your uni boys?
What's your problem with me
going to university?
I didn't tell you to stay here.
- Your grades did.
- What?
Well, fuck uni!
Me and Kid built
something without you.
Like next year we're gonna...
Well, I won't be here!
Well, why not?
You're abandoning us 'cause
you think you're better.
Better? What are you...
Well, you've always
put yourself first,
so why pretend you care
about the same things as us?
T, I put you on the station.
No, no.
You sent in the demo we made.
You're only our manager
'cause you can't MC or DJ.
But you can't even manage this.
You, man, look, why don't we
just get back in the car.
Nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah.
I was there when we made the
demo, and I'm not part of
- the I.C.C.?
- But apart from drive,
what do you do?
We do the show every week.
We got bigger without you,
you bounced!
Uni isn't me giving up
on you lot.
Oh, my God! How?
Like, we're your best friends,
and you left us
when we need you most!
Like I do a job I hate to pay
for records,
to pay to go on air,
and after a year,
they're finally paying us
to play in clubs
and you just
wanna fuckin' leave?
I've been driving you around
the city all day for you.
You want Sophie,
you wanted tickets.
But what about what I want, huh?
Look, I been put what I care
about aside
to keep you happy,
and now I'm supposed to feel
guilty because we don't
want the same things?
- T, I want more!
- You, man!
Low it yeah, before you say
something you can't take back.
Nah, it's too late.
- Get off me, man.
- Leave it Cap.
- Yo, T.
- Caps.
This is gold.
You man. I've got our demo.
You know the one
you dubbed for me, T?
It actually needs rewinding.
- Shut up, Kid!
- Shut up, Kid!
Wait a minute,
can't you see
That I
Would have fell
from the stars
Straight into you arms
I feel, yeah
I hope you comprehend
Yeah, Happy New Year,
you dickheads!
- Fuckin' seatbelt!
- Just gotta press the button.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know!
Yeah, bye!
States the reason
why I'm trying to hide
As for all the things you
taught me
Sends my future into
clearer dimensions
You'll never know how much
you hurt me
Wait a minute,
can't you see
That I
What are you doing?
Rewinding the tape.
Fuckin' hell.
Oh, fuck sakes, man.
Mm, mm.
You're so sexy and that.
Anyway, look, yeah.
We can't go out tonight
'cause Cappo messed up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cappo's big African head, innit?
You'd think there's a brain
in there but...
Yeah, yeah, he's a dickhead.
- T.
- Sigiddy-sigiddy-Soph.
What, what are you wearing, luv?
What am I wearing?
No, never mind.
Never mind.
Look, you got a minute, Soph?
- I'm downstairs.
- Gimme a sec.
- But me quick, okay?
- Good.
I wear Lynx Africa.
Jesus Christ!
What are you doing here?
I need to talk to you,
uh, face to face.
- Wait, is your dad in?
- Hm?
Your dad, is he in?
Stop being silly.
Come here.
T, your eye!
What happened?
Mm, mm.
Had to bang one you still.
Terrell, what?
No, it really wasn't a fight.
Well, what happened?
It's just, it's been a long day.
You see tonight, yeah, I just...
I know what you're gonna say.
I made it weird didn't I?
That whole being together
at midnight thing.
Nah, no, no, no, no.
I just miss the boys so much.
I miss you.
It's my desire
No pressure.
Let's just have
a wicked new year.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
Uh, Soph, wait.
Me too.
I will meet you inside the club.
- I can't wait.
- Yeah.
See you at 11:00, Terrell.
Oh, fuck.
So, what you gonna do?
Pretend I'm at a Lick Party.
I dunno.
Call him.
Well, Happy New Year I guess.
Wait, so, so that's it?
Yeah? We had a plan.
Caps, yeah?
You know I don't like change.
Well, people change.
Eventually everything
changes, Kid.
Whatever, man.
You coming in, love?
Not yet, Mum.
Calvin? Are you crying?
Yo, this is daddy Two Tonne.
Unfortunately, I can't come
to the phone right now
'cause I'm in the gym,
working on my abs and that.
I know where the tickets are.
Fuck this.
Mm. Moschino thing, yeah?
Hey, you know what?
You're sexy, you know.
You gonna tidy that up?
We were just looking for our...
Ya sense?
You can't just run up in here
making a mess!
Sorry, I just...
You are.
Both of you.
Sorry and forgetful.
You have no idea.
We've been looking for
our tickets every...
Your tickets?
I don't see your name on them.
Do you?
So you gonna buy them back
or what, caaa...
We're closed.
Yeah, she even showed up
at my workplace, bro.
By midnight, she gonna be
my girlfriend.
Are you sure?
You cutting it a bit fine,
ain't ya?
Single ladies and couples
come forward.
Have your tickets ready
or names on the door.
Single guys, go home!
- I mean...
- What?
Can you help me get in?
I wanna get in.
Let's go in together.
Jesus! Someone went a bit
heavy on the aftershave.
Look, we rolling, or do
I have to find
another fake girlfriend?
My real girlfriend's
probably already in there.
You got a girlfriend?
Well, not yet but...
Mind ya business, man.
Look, single guys
ain't getting in.
Just help a brother out.
- Ella.
- Two Tonne.
What kind of a name's...
Goo goo me.
What's goo goo?
You don't know goo goo?
- No.
- Goo goo. It's a...
Internet galactic thing.
Oh, fuckin' Cap.
My name means King in Botswana.
Well, I guess it's on
you your highness.
I got this.
Have your tickets
ready or names on the door!
Excuse me.
Celebrities coming through.
Yes, I'm a celebrity, thank you.
What are you saying, big man?
It's bloody Puff Daddy.
VIPs or couples?
Couples. The sexy ones.
Do you not know
your own name, babe?
Say your name.
Do you need to phone
a fuckin' friend?
What's your name?
Fitz... Gerald.
Why you doing that for?
Nah. Nah.
- We're down, my name's there.
- What's he done?
Your name's down?
You sure?
- Yeah.
- You sure, son?
Yes, I am sure, son.
I'll go and get my manager.
Look, man, I'm telling you
my name's on...
Looking good.
- Safe.
- What happened to your eye?
It was a bee.
Pricked me in my eyelid.
Tickets. Terrell.
I don't have time for this.
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
Kel, you know
you're my sugar plum.
I beg you, grab this idiot!
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
Just tell me why
Ain't nothing but a heart
House, get rid of him!
Is that cocoa butter?
100 quid then.
- Deal.
- What? No!
I can't take any more
of this sexual tension.
We're taking our tickets back.
Kid, lock the door.
Locking... the... door.
Cap, I'm unlocking the door.
This machete knife, lady...
It's Princess.
Princess, yeah?
I'm not gonna
let you make today worse.
Look, Kid, you don't have to
pretend I'm a good manager
'cause... I can't pretend we
want the same things anymore.
I know I should have said
something sooner,
but I just want
my boys back, man!
Not all this.
And Miss Machete knife lady...
I mean Princess.
I'm sorry about the mess.
And then tickets, just keep 'em.
You're supposed to spend
New Year's
with your loved ones.
Wherever doesn't matter.
Sounds like you're starting
to understand that.
Sophie, man.
Yeah, I'm buzzed, mate,
I'm buzzed.
Oh, shit!
You just took in hiding
from yourself
Always slip-sliding
Every day a mask
you're wearing
Trying to show
you're surviving
On the run from soul 2 soul,
but you can never
Find your goal, you lose
the spirit at the cost
And now your soul it could
be lost, lost, lost, lost!
Yeah, there's seven
in there now, mate.
Yeah. cool.
I'll come back round, as well.
Gimme a minute.
You reckon
he's definitely there?
Look, whatever happens,
we're doing New Years together.
And there's only one place
T's going.
- Your Mum's house.
- Where Sophie is.
- Where Sophie is.
- So what's the plan then?
Colosseum's the plan.
We're going Twice As Nice, bruv.
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
What are you doing back here?
I lost my friends at the bar.
I can't find my
sort of girlfriend.
I-I went through some door
and ended up here, so...
That way.
In such a short time
Hey, yeah!
Grow wiser
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Come on.
You wanna be with me
at midnight.
Whatever happens with Sophie,
I'm starting the year 2000
at Twice As flippin' Nice
with my best mates.
Terrell, let's just
have a wicked new year.
Where's my massive crew?
Oi, Fitz!
How'd you get in?
Sophie, where are ya?
Look, we're never gonna
get there on time.
I don't even know where we are.
- Kid, you looking?
- Hm?
Kid, Kid, Kid,
Kid, are you looking?
- I'm on it, Cap!
- Thank you.
Imagine if you computerized
this book, Caps.
Satellite navigation thing,
like what the planes have.
Like a little screen
that told you where you were
and where you wanted to go.
- Ooh, like imagine typing...
- Shut up!
- In your mum's house...
- Shut up! Shut up!
- Bit rude really, but safe.
- Sorry, man.
- Alright, left or right?
- I dunno.
According to my calculations,
we should be in a park.
Is it on your left,
or is it on your right?
- Which one?
- This one or this one.
- Left or right?
- We're near Boroughga.
- Borough.
- What Borough?
Uh, it's just saying
Borough here, bro.
Look at the map!
What borough?
On the left of
South-wark Bridge.
Sounds like a Turkish
food, bruv.
Right, I need to know,
I need to know now.
- Left, left right!
- Safe, safe.
London is in Europe
because London...
- London is in England!
- England is in Europe!
No, but don't worry, bruv.
I know where to go!
But, bro, bro, what if
the police stop us, huh?
What did NWA say?
Fuck the police!
That way.
Turn that way...
Oi, Two Tonne!
- Fuck do you want now, man?
- Cap, where you going, man?
- Cap!
- T...
T... Bruv, got the tickets,
but, you know,
we got lost and couldn't
find the club, so...
Yo, T, man, where you going?
Home. I'm done, bruv.
You lot just go, innit.
The best thing for all of us
is just to...
Nah, nah, the best thing
I could do as your manager
is fire your manager.
Listen, T, this is the last
time things
are gonna be the way they were.
'Cause I'm leaving the I.C.C.
It's for the best.
For everyone.
I've been practicing that
since this morning.
T, I can't deejay,
I can't emcee.
But I love you both.
Just let me do that, man.
We can't do this without you.
What happens if we don't...
You will!
I don't know, man.
You never needed me to do
what you're good at.
It's about time you started
to believe that, too.
The home ain't going
anywhere, Caps.
Just make sure you come
back, innit.
Come on.
Are you man gonna snog?
- Shut up, Kid!
- Shut up, Kid!
You two are gonna be massive
without me.
I know it. Alright?
That change I can handle.
Alright, so where
are we going for midnight?
I already been Twice As Nice.
I can't do another crappy
club man.
It was crap?
Nah, nah. It was amazing.
But I couldn't find Soph,
and you man weren't there,
so we need a new plan
for midnight.
New plan? Sophie couldn't
get through to you.
She called me, bruv.
She'll be there now, T.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit, yeah.
- Oh, shit!
- Sophie, Sophie.
- Come on, man!
I couldn't find her.
She probably just changed her
mind and just went somewhere.
- She'll be there, T.
- She'll be there, bro.
Oh, Shit!
Wait, there!
Bruv, there, taxi rank.
There, there, there,
there, there!
It's Sophie, T. She's waiting!
Look! Look!
Cap, stop the car!
No, no, no.
I can't, not here.
No, just chill man. Just let
me park up over there.
Just stop the fuckin' car, man!
Nah, nah, nah,
it's a double yellow.
I can't stop.
Happy New Year.
Yo, go get your midnight kiss.
She's waiting.
- Alright, just, just...
- Just pop, pop the red button.
No, no, the red one,
the red one.
- Hold it.
- No, don't, don't!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Gentle like that, man!
- Okay! Okay!
- Fuckin' hell!
Come on, T boss!
Check your breath,
check your breath.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
What happened, T?
Where were you?
I tried to tell you.
I messed up.
We lost our tickets, Soph.
Actually, I snuck in without
the boys.
I even left my phone at home.
I thought you were the one
standing me up.
He needs to go full monster boy.
I can't live without you
Know I did you wrong, girl,
know I did you wrong, girl
It's my fault
Look, I'm not good at this.
I mean, I pretend I am,
but I just...
I just need to be
a better friend.
If you wanna be a good
boyfriend, then you'd better.
- Huh?
- Hm?
I can see my whole world
Changing 'cause of you,
it's upside down
I'm lonely
I told you, I want to be
with you at 12:00.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Try, try, try,
try, try, try
I can see my
whole world changing
There's no need to live
if I can't be
I can't be with you
And what I did was wrong,
I'm sorry
Doesn't know how
much I really miss you
Your hair looks nice.
- Barely touched it.
- Nah, I love it.
Swirly and that.
You ain't gotta pretend to be
someone you're not for me, T.
I'm still the same me.
That's what I want.
Are we stuck here?
We ain't stuck here, T.
We're from here.
He had good news
Good news, good news
For those
Dedicating their lives
To the spirit
Spirit, spirit
Once, love
Was the focus of
The true message
Message, message
Every body felt attention
Time was fading
Fading, Gabriel play
Gabriel play
Gabriel play, play
Gabriel, play, ay, ay, ay
Soon became a way
To communicate
Municate, municate,
If the music deep
in your soul
Playing, playing, hold on
Hold on
Gabriel play
Gabriel play
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Gabriel play
Those that
Stand aside and watch
The soul
Moving, grooving,
moving, grooving
Clap your hands
Be the one to show
Your love
Overflowing, overflowing,
Gabriel play
Sweet Gabriel play
Gabriel play
Gabriel play
Just release your soul to
the love that's holding you
That's consoling you
Your eyes are dancing,
wear it out