Pitch Perfect (2012) Movie Script
Now, this is exactly the type of performance
you would expect to see
at the International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
Am I right, Gail?
John, you're so right, everything
else seems wrong.
Boy, these Barden University Treblemakers
always thrill the judges.
And the ladies in the room
cannot get enough.
So true, John.
Nothing makes a woman feel more like a
girl than a man who sings like a boy.
Chloe, look at you. You're a mess. You're
unfocused. You're unreliable.
And your breath smells like
egg. Like, all the time.
I can't believe the Bellas are being passed
on to you two slut bags after we graduate.
Just don't eff up your solo.
I won't disappoint you.
My dad always says, "If
you're not here to win,
"get the hell out of Kuwait."
Has your dad ever told you to shut up?
I'm fine.
Ouch! Boy, that hurt.
Sexy man-splits.
His pain is our gain, Gail.
All right, good luck, guys!
Good luck out there!
Seriously, you girls are
awesome... ly horrible.
I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl
power! Sisters before misters!
All right, ladies, it's
now or never. Hands in!
One, two...
Up now, the Barden Bellas!
Well, the Bellas tonight are making history
as the first ever all-female group
to advance to the ICCA finals.
That's right, John. Now, why do
you think it's taken so long
for an all-lady group to break through
that a cappella glass ceiling?
Well, Gail, the women, typically,
cannot hit the low notes,
which really round out an arrangement,
thrill the judges,
and that can really hurt
them in competition.
Women are about as good at a cappella
as they are at being doctors.
One, two, three, four.
Is it me or did we just take a
left turn into Snoozeville?
Yeah, and we parked in a lot
where they do not validate.
No! Holy...
This is a surprise!
This has never happened! Now, this
is how you bring some excitement
to the International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
She had a week's worth of lunch and lost it.
Well, she didn't lose it. We
know exactly where it is.
It's all over the third row. No, no...
I got it. Thanks.
Hi there! Welcome to Barden
University. What dorm?
Baker Hall, I think.
Okay. So, what you're gonna do is
you're gonna go down this way,
you're gonna take a right and you
go through those double doors...
Your campus map.
And your official BU rape whistle.
Don't blow it unless it's
actually happening.
Hey.
You must be Kimmy Jin. I'm Beca.
No English?
Yes English?
Just tell me where you're at with English.
There he is. I'm Benji. You must be Jesse.
And you must be kidding. Wow!
Looking at it now, I can see
that it's a bit much.
I can take it down.
No, no way. I mean, it took a
second for my eyes to adjust,
but I can roll with this.
Look, just so you know,
I'm not a total nerd.
I also happen to be super
into close-up magic.
Dude, that's awesome!
How long was that little guy in there?
Several days.
Hey, this is campus police.
Hide your wine coolers.
Just... It's your old man making a funny.
Chris Rock, everybody.
Hey, you must be Beca's roommate.
I'm Dr. Mitchell, Beca's dad.
I teach Comparative Literature here.
So, when did you get here?
How did you get here?
Took a cab. Didn't wanna inconvenience
you and Sheila.
How is the stepmonster?
She is fine, thank you for asking. She's
actually in Vegas at a conference...
No, Dad, I don't actually care. I
just wanted to say "stepmonster."
So, have you guys been out on the quad yet?
In the springtime, all the students
study on the grass.
I don't wanna study on the grass, Dad.
I need to move to LA and get
a job at a record label
and start paying my dues.
Here we go again. You know, Beca,
DJing is not a profession, it's a hobby.
Unless you're Rick Dees or someone awesome.
That's not... I...
I wanna produce music. I
wanna make music, Dad.
But you're going to get a
college education first.
For free, I might add. End of story.
I'm going to the Activities Fair.
Me, too. I'm going to the Activities Fair
with my super-good friend, Kimmy Jin.
Taking names, taking numbers.
Join our righteous frat.
If you ain't pledging Sigma Beta,
you ain't worth no crap.
That's a double negative. That's
a lot of negatives.
Follow me. There's only one group
on this campus worth joining.
As far as Barden goes, that's
what being a man's all about.
The Treblemakers.
The rock stars of a cappella,
the messiahs of Barden.
Well, you know, not including athletes,
frat guys, or actual cool people.
Organized nerd singing. This is great.
Yeah, it makes so much sense.
How's your voice?
Oh, nice.
I will stop at nothing to take
those ding-a-lings down.
Hey, Barb. You gonna audition
this year? We have openings.
Now that you've puked your
way to the bottom,
you might actually consider me?
I auditioned for you three
times and never got in
because you said my boobs look like baloney.
The word's out. Bellas is the
laughing stock of a cappella.
Good luck auditioning this year. Douche-b's.
Oh, my God. This is a travesty.
God, if we can't even recruit Baloney
Barb, then we can't get anybody.
Just take the dramatics down a notch,
okay? Hi, do you wanna...
Well, you're the one who got
us into this hot mess.
We'll be fine.
I am confident that we will find
eight super-hot girls with
bikini-ready bodies
who can harmonize and have
perfect pitch. Okay?
Hi, would you like to be a member of...
Just keep flyering. We have
tradition to uphold.
How about we just get good singers?
What? Good singers? What? Hi.
Can you sing? Yeah.
Can you read music? Yeah.
Can you match pitch? Try me.
Yeah.
That was a really good start.
I'm the best singer in Tasmania. With teeth.
Love it. What's your name?
Fat Amy.
Um... You call yourself Fat Amy?
Yeah, so twig bitches like you
don't do it behind my back.
I will see you in auditions, Fat Amy.
I can sing but I'm also
good at modern dance,
olden dance, and mermaid dancing,
which is a little different.
You usually start on the ground.
Ooh.
It's a lot of floor work. I see that.
Yeah, DJs. Deaf Jews.
Oh.
Shalom!
That's not a real word but keep trying.
You will get there.
Not a lot of Jewish people
where you're from?
Ah...
No. I did do Fiddler on the Roof,
though, in high school.
It was, like, me and some Aboriginals.
It was really Jewish.
It was full-on Jew.
Hey, guys. All right, I'll
give you my number.
What about her?
I don't know. She looks a little
too alternative for us.
Hi, any interest in joining
our a cappella group?
Oh, right, this is, like, a thing now.
Totes. We sing covers of songs but
we do it without any instruments.
It's all from our mouths.
Yikes.
There's four groups on campus. The
Bellas. That's us. We're the tits.
The BU Harmonics.
They sing a lot of Madonna.
The High Notes.
They're not particularly motivated.
And then there's...
So, are you interested?
Sorry, it just, it's pretty lame.
A-ca-scuse me?
Carey chart topper is not lame.
We sing all over the world and we compete
in national championships.
On purpose?
We played the Cobb Energy Performing
Arts Centre, you bitch!
Oh!
What Aubrey means to say is
that we are a close-knit,
talented group of ladies whose dream is
to return to the national finals
at Lincoln Center this year.
Help us turn our dreams into a reality?
Sorry, I don't even sing, but it was
really nice to meet you guys.
What are we gonna do?
When you came in and you were
just strumming the guitar,
and it was, like, totally off-key,
I wanted to choke you!
Bumper. I wanted to choke you out!
Okay, I'm gonna go introduce myself.
Everybody be cool. It's just a normal day.
Hi. Hi.
Benjamin Applebaum.
I saw you guys perform at a Mall
of America like three years ago.
Totally changed my life. I have not
stopped thinking about you since.
Thank you. Yeah.
And, Bumper, huge fan.
Your arrangement of Lovin' Spoonful's
Do You Believe in Magic
inspired me to become a
certified illusionist.
Wow.
The smell of your weird is actually
affecting my vocal cords,
so I'm gonna need you to scoot. Skedaddle.
But why don't we just exchange emails,
and then totally hang out
right now, together?
No. Hard pass. Hard pass.
What a nerd alert. Okay, guys,
now let's match pitch.
Too far. You think?
Yeah. Should I have done another trick?
No, I think your trick was fine. I just
think the talking was a little weird.
Maybe you can try to Facebook message him.
Hey, I'm Beca.
Over there. Thanks.
Ninety-five point seven, WBUJ, music
for the independent mind.
Hey. Hi.
Have you been standing there long?
No. No, I just got here, I
wasn't just standing here.
Freshmen aren't allowed in the booth. Sorry.
I'm Luke. Station manager. You
must be Becky the intern?
It's...
Hey, man, what's up? I'm Jesse.
I'm Luke. You're late.
Hey. I know you.
No, you don't. Yeah, I do.
He doesn't. Totally know her.
Okay, cool. Well, you guys can figure
it out while you're stacking CDs.
When you're done, there's more.
Now, you guys will be spending a lot of
down time together, so please, just
no sex on the desk.
I've been burned before.
I do know you. I sang to you. I remember
because you were in a taxi.
Wait, is your dad a taxi driver? No.
Oh.
This sucks. I wanted to play music.
Not me. I'm here for one reason only.
I really love stacking CDs.
So, what's your deal?
You one of those girls who's
all dark and mysterious,
then she takes off her glasses and
that amazingly scary ear spike
and you realize that, you know, she
was beautiful the whole time.
I don't wear glasses. Then
you're halfway there.
Beca.
Beca, wake up.
Funny, this doesn't look like your
Intro to Philosophy class.
I'm posing an important
philosophical question.
If I don't actually go to that
class, will it still suck?
Look, honey. College is... It's great.
You get to create memories
here, I see it every day.
You just have to give it a chance.
You've been here, what, a month
now? Do you have any friends?
Kimmy Jin is my friend. No.
You gotta get out there, Bec.
You gotta try something.
I got a job at the radio station.
Oh, great, that place.
Yeah, it's dark and dirty and has like, what,
those three weirdos who work there?
Well, four now.
You gotta try something new, Bec.
Join one club on campus.
And if, at the end of a year, you
still don't wanna be here,
you still wanna go off
to LA and be P. Diddy,
well, then, you can quit college.
And I will help you move to LA.
Seriously? Yes, seriously.
But I really need to see it, Beca.
This is college. Join in.
You can sing! Dude!
How high does your belt go? My what?
Oh, my God! You have to audition
for the Bellas.
I can't concentrate on anything you're
saying until you cover your junk.
Just consider it.
One time, we sang backup for Prince.
His butt is so tiny that I can
hold it with, like, one hand.
Oops! Oh!
Seriously. I am nude.
You were singing Titanium, right?
You know David Guetta? Have I been
living under a rock? Yeah.
That song is my jam.
My lady-jam.
That's nice.
It is. That song really builds.
Gross. Can you sing it for me?
Dude, no. Get out!
Not for that reason. I'm not leaving
here till you sing. So...
Oh, yeah. I'm pretty confident
about all this.
You should be.
Oh!
Still need to shower.
You have a lovely voice.
Thanks.
Oh.
Yeah. See you at auditions!
For your audition, each of you
will be singing sixteen bars
of Kelly Clarkson's Since You've Been Gone.
If a group likes you, they
will contact you directly.
My tone-deaf sidekick Justin here will
be collecting your information.
If I could sing a lick, in
any human way possible,
I would, but I can't.
And I hate myself every day
because of it! I know.
But if you think this is just
some high school club,
where you can sing and dance your
way through any big social issue,
or confused sexuality,
you have come to the wrong place.
There is none of that here.
That's high school.
This shit is real life!
Now, don't just bring it, sing
it. And let's do this.
Hey, Bellas, remember when you tried to
play in the big leagues and you choked?
That should really be a lesson to everyone.
If you sing the same boring,
girly shit every year,
you will blow chunks. All over the place.
Vomit everywhere.
My fellow a-ca-people.
We will not let egotistical, big-headed,
garbage dirtballs,
whoever you may be, get in our way.
I promise you,
we will return to the ICCAs and finish
what we started last year.
And here's the first one up. Good luck.
Whenever you're ready, dude.
Yeah, hi, my name is Cynthia Rose.
Not a dude. It's not a dude.
There's no backup dancers? Okay.
Hello. My name is Lilly Onakuramara.
I have gills like a fish.
I'm sorry. What was that?
Hello. My name is Lilly Onakuramara.
I was born with gills like a fish.
One, two, three, four.
Oh.
Hi, everybody, my name is Stacie.
My hobbies include cuticle
care and the E! Network.
It's high.
Jesus.
Ugh!
Thank you.
Performing live gives me such a rush.
Crushed it.
Okay. That is everybody. I'm really
not that impressed this year, guys.
Oh, wait, there's one more.
Hi.
Hello.
Um...
I didn't know we had to prepare that song.
Oh, that's okay. Sing anything you want.
Uh...
May I? Oh.
Wow.
The sopranos. Jessica, Mary Elise, Lilly.
The mezzos. Cynthia Rose, Stacie, Kori.
And our altos. Fat Amy, Denise,
Ashley, and Beca.
We shall begin by drinking the blood
of the sisters that came before you.
Dude, no. Don't worry, it's Boone's Farm.
Well, well, well, look who's in treble.
Ah, classic pun. I know.
No Benji?
Now, if you'll place your scarves
in your right hand.
I, sing your name...
I...
...promise to fulfill the duties and
responsibilities of a Bella woman.
ALL:... promise to fulfill the duties and
responsibilities of a Bella woman.
And I solemnly promise to never have
sexual relations with a Treblemaker
or may my vocal cords be
ripped out by wolves.
And I solemnly promise to never have
sexual relations with a Treblemaker
or may my vocal cords be
ripped out by wolves.
You are all Bellas now.
We did it.
I want some more of this.
Did we?
Ladies, welcome to a-ca-initiation night.
Prepare to soften the beach.
I don't know what I'm doing here.
Just living the dream. I still can't
believe they let my sexy fat ass in.
Beca! Beca!
Wow.
Be-caw! Be-caw.
Do my eyes deceive me or
are you a Barden Bella?
No. You're one of those a cappella girls,
I'm one of those a cappella boys, and
we're gonna have a-ca-children.
It's inevitable. You're
really drunk right now.
I don't think you're gonna
remember any of this.
No. I'm not drunk at all,
you're just blurry.
You okay? Yeah? Yeah.
You almost fell over? No, she
didn't. You know, I could...
Can you pass a sobriety test right now? Yep.
Can you stand up straight?
See how I come right back?
And I come right back. Right. Wow.
Can I get you a drink?
It sounds great.
I'm gonna get you a drink. Go for it.
I think you need to get on this level.
Please be careful.
Hi.
I am so glad that I met you.
I think that we're gonna
be really fast friends.
Yeah. Well, you saw me naked, so... Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, ladies. Gather
around. Ready for a show.
Come on, baby bubble, wait
in line. Yep. Yeah.
You want some of this. I know you do.
Nice. Mmm-hmm. Bumper and Donald.
Getting it.
You know, so there's like 10 of us. Mmm-hmm.
That means that one of us
is probably a lesbian.
You think? Which one do you think it is?
My money's on Black Beauty.
So, when I drink too much tonight,
can I count on you to hold
my hair back if I puke?
Ah.
Don't tell her I said that.
All right. I'm gonna go get a drink.
This ginger needs her jiggle juice.
See you later. Make good choices.
I thought of a new name for this hairstyle.
It's called the Orthodox Jew ponytail.
Yeah?
'Cause it's very reserved at
the front... I see that.
But party in the back. I see
these happening here.
Here's the real question.
Who would be easier to sleep with?
Captain America or a great white shark?
Great white shark. I wouldn't... Hey.
What are you turd burgers talking about?
Dressing for comfort?
You are probably the grossest
human being I've ever seen.
Well, you're no panty-dropper yourself.
So I have a feeling that we should kiss.
And is that feeling a good feeling
or an incorrect feeling?
Well, I sometimes have a feeling
I can do crystal meth,
but then I think, "Hmm. Better not." Yeah.
I don't know the words, but I can...
Thank you.
This is awesome.
It's definitely something.
We are the kings of campus!
Man, the old Bellas was hot!
Yeah, they kept it tight.
Okay. Sopranos in the front
and altos in the back.
As you can see, Kori is not here.
Last night she was Treble-boned.
She has been disinvited from the Bellas.
That oath was serious?
Dixie Chicks serious.
You can fool around with whoever
you want to, just not a Treble.
That's not gonna be easy. He's a hunter.
You call it a dude?
Stacie, the Trebles don't respect us,
and if we let them penetrate us,
Not a good enough reason to
use the word "penetrate."
So, does anyone here have
anything to confess?
It was an accident. I...
Turn in your scarf and go.
Slut.
Take your chair.
Was that necessary?
This is war, Beca,
and it is my job to make sure that
my soldiers are prepped at go time
with three kick-ass songs sung and
choreographed to perfection.
And there are only four
months until regionals.
So, if you have a problem with
the way that I run the Bellas,
then you should just...
Don't stress, Aubrey. Relax.
We don't want a repeat of
what happened last year.
What happened last year?
What are you saying?
What happened last year?
And do you guys wanna see a dead body?
Click on "Guy Pukes on Cat."
Enough! It happened. It's over.
We will practice every day for at least
two hours, seven days a week.
And I trust you will add your own cardio.
Why cardio? Yeah, no, don't
put me down for cardio.
Okay, moving on.
This is a list of all of the songs
that we have ever performed.
And you will notice that we only
do songs made famous by women.
There's nothing from this century on here.
Because we don't stray from tradition.
Now, this is how we will become champions.
Come on, girls! Let's go!
Go, go, go! Pick up your knees!
Faster, faster! One, two,
one, two, one, two!
Knees up, knees up! Go,
go! Go! Let's get it.
Yes, Chloe. Nice. Amy!
What are you doing?
I'm doing horizontal running.
Horizontal running?
No.
No, no.
No.
I know... I can do it.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Okay, I'm calling it.
Thank God. I asked to go to the
bathroom three hours ago.
Nothing. I hear nothing.
Hey, Aubrey. Did we just learn the
same choreography from that video?
Okay. Don't forget to pick up
your performance schedules.
We have a gig next week.
That's right. Next week.
You guys, it's the Sigma Beta
Theta's Annual Fall Mixer.
Okay. Hands in, Bellas.
Hands in, a-ca-bitches! Okay.
Sing "ah" on three...
Ah!
No, no, no. It's actually on three, Fat Amy.
Ah.
All right. On three.
One, two...
Okay, we will work on that
first thing next time.
Okay, guys. Thank you. Goodbye.
She has man hands.
Beca, a word?
What's up?
You know you'll have to take those ear
monstrosities out for the Fall Mixer.
You really don't like me, do you?
I don't like your attitude.
You don't even know me.
I know you have a toner for Jesse.
A what?
A toner.
A musical boner. I saw it at Hood
Night. It's distracting.
Yeah, that's not a thing and you're
not the boss of me. So...
You took an oath.
That oath cost you two girls already today.
I'm pretty sure you need
me more than I need you.
I can see your toner through those jeans.
That's my dick.
Everything okay?
We better have our shit together for SBT.
I'm not worried. I think we're
gonna be a-ca-awesome.
This makes my beer taste bad.
I'm gonna stop this.
Whoa, whoa. Just stop. Stop.
I am so sorry, Howie. I know
we're not performance ready.
I wanted the hot Bellas, not
this barnyard explosion.
I'm not paying for this.
Let's go. Come on. God.
Well, I hope you all remember
the way you feel right now,
so you will never wanna feel this way again.
Chloe, your voice didn't
sound Aguilerian at all.
Chloe, for serious, what is wrong with you?
I have nodes.
What? Oh, my God. I found out this morning.
What are nodes?
Vocal nodules.
The rubbing together of your vocal
cords at above-average rates
without proper lubrication.
They sit on your windpipe and
they crush your dreams.
Isn't that painful? Why would
you keep performing?
Because I love to sing.
Yeah, it's like when my lady doctor told
me not to have sex for six weeks,
and I did it anyway.
You should really listen to your doctor.
The key is early diagnosis.
I am living with nodes.
But I am a survivor.
I just have to pull back.
Because I am limited.
Because I have nodes.
Chloe, this is horrible.
Well, at least it's not herpes.
Or do you have that as well?
Hmm?
Jesse? Yeah.
I'm starving, so could you...
You want me to get you lunch?
You should probably lay off the burgers.
You're not gonna be 22 forever, you know.
Yeah, I think I'm good.
He's good. You're good.
And the chess match continues.
Hey, this is my new mix,
so if there's anything you wanted to play...
Yeah, okay, I'll put it on the pile.
Okay.
What's up, weirdo?
Okay.
What's this? As much as I love
spending time with you stacking
CDs... And I do.
I love it, like, more than life.
...I figured we could do
some other fun things
that don't make us wanna
kill ourselves, right?
Yeah. So, brought some movies.
Jaws, E.T., The Breakfast Club,
Star Wars and Rocky.
Best scored and soundtracked
movies of all time.
That's what I wanna do when I grow
up. I wanna score movies.
Bring people to tears, you
know. Blow their minds.
I feel like only music can do that.
Yeah.
You must really sweep your
girlfriend off her feet.
I don't have a girlfriend.
What? No.
You have juice pouches and Rocky.
Okay, so what do you wanna watch first?
Wanna do something else?
We could relive my parents' divorce.
Or visit a gynecologist.
What, do you not like movies or something?
Like, any movies? You don't...
What the hell is wrong with you?
How do you not like movies?
Not liking movies is like
not liking puppies.
They're fine. I just get bored
and never make it to the end.
The endings are the best part.
They're predictable. Like,
the guy gets the girl,
and that kid sees dead people and
Darth Vader is Luke's father.
Okay, right, so you just happened to guess
the biggest cinematic reveal in history?
"Vader" in German means father.
His name is literally "Darth Father."
Huh.
So, you know German.
Well, now I know why you
don't like fun things.
You know, you need a movie education.
You need a movie-cation. And
I'm gonna give it to you.
Yeah, in between Bella rehearsals,
which are always.
Are you guys getting ready for the riff-off?
What the hell is a riff-off?
Hit it!
Welcome to the riff-off!
Who's ready to get vocal?
The winners get the greatest prize of all.
I'm taking you down.
The microphone used by Hoobastank...
I don't care.
...when they rocked out at the
Schnee Performing Arts Center.
Let's see our first category.
Ladies of the '80s.
Oh!
Oh, Mickey, you're So fine you're
so fine You blow my mind
Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine...
You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
So shiny and new
Like a virgin
Okay, guys.
Touched for the very first time
Like the one in me That's okay
Let's see how you do it Put up your
dukes, let's get down to it!
Hit me with your best shot
Why don't you hit me with your best shot
Hit me with your best shot
Fire away
It must have been Iove
But it's over now
But it's over right now
The negative side effects of
medical marijuana, folks.
You are...
Cut off!
Stoney baloney. Let's check
out our next category.
So, we just pick any song that works?
Yeah, any song. And you
just go with it? Nice.
And our next category is...
Songs about sex. Sex?
Na na na Come on
Na na na na na Come on, come on, come on
'Cause I may be bad But I'm
perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care
I Iove the smell of it
Sticks and stones May break my bones
But chains and whips Excite me
'Cause I may be bad But I'm
perfectly good at it
Sex, baby Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
and the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex A Iittle
bit, a Iittle bit
Let's talk about sex, baby
Baby, all through the night
I'll make love to you Like you want me to
And I guess it's just the woman in you
That brings out the man in me
I know I can't help myself
You're all in the world to me
It feels Iike the first time
It feels Iike the very first time
It feels Iike the first time
It's going down, fade to Blackstreet
The homies got RB, collab' creations
Bump like acne, no doubt I
put it down, never slouch
As long as my credit can vouch a dog
couldn't catch me straight up
Tell me who can stop when Dre makin' moves
attracting honeys like a magnet
Giving 'em eargasms with my mellow accent
Still moving this flavor With the
homies Blackstreet and Teddy
The original rump shakers
Keep going.
Shorty get down, good Lord
Baby got 'em open all over town
Strictly biz, she don't play around
Cover much ground, got game by the pound
Getting paid is her forte
Each and every day, true player way
I can't get her out of my mind
Okay.
I think about the girl all the time
I like the way you work it no diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up We out
I mean, you're welcome.
It's a tough blow, ladies.
The word you needed to match was
"it." And you sang, "it's."
You are...
- Cut off!
Are you serious? The Trebles win!
Beca, I'm sorry. You lost.
I've never heard that rule! Ladies,
ladies, come on. Come back.
Sorry.
Money in the bank.
Enjoy watching us win the ICCAs.
On the TV. On a regional cable affiliate.
Before everybody goes to bed tonight,
I need you to make a list of
everything you did wrong.
I'm gonna melt that Cabbage Patch Kid.
Hey, guys, what we just
did was great, right?
Calm your pits, Beca. We still lost.
Yeah, but it was spontaneous.
It was awesome.
We were actually listening to...
Okay, everybody, hands in.
"Ah" on my count.
On three or after three? On three.
After three. One, two, three.
That's not how we do it.
Oh! Why can't we figure this out?
So, I just find songs that have
the same chord progressions
and create a track that
blends them together.
So, like, this is the new bass line,
and this is matching up downbeats.
Oh, I'm talking really loud.
That's me singing.
This is really good.
Now I'm the one yelling, right?
That is amazing, Beca.
Thanks.
So, I brought this over,
because I wanna watch you watch
the end of this movie.
And then I can die a hero.
Wait, actually...
You have a habit of making yourself
at home, did you know that?
Yeah.
Hmm...
Okay.
The Breakfast Club. 1985.
Greatest ending to any movie ever.
This song launched Simple Minds in the US.
Could have been a Billy Idol
song, but he turned it down.
Idiot.
Perfectly sums up the movie. It's
equally beautiful and sad.
That is fascinating.
Right?
Tell me, what does Judd Nelson
eat for breakfast?
Oh, well, like all misunderstood
rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy.
Sure.
And black coffee to help
with his morning dumps.
You're an idiot.
It's true. I'm full of fun facts.
You should let other people
tell you they're fun.
And an athlete.
And a basket case.
A princess.
And a criminal.
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
You're missing the ending.
Sorry.
It's good. I'm sure the beginning is...
The white girl is back.
And I'm out.
Always a pleasure, Kimmy Jin.
So... Excuse me. Excuse me.
I should have taken that cardio
tip more seriously.
How much have you done?
You just saw it.
Chloe, you gotta be able
to hit that last note.
I can't. It's impossible.
And it's because of my, my nodes.
Her nodes. Her nodes.
Well, if you can't do it, then
someone else needs to solo.
I think Beca should take my solo.
Yeah, Beca would be excellent.
But also, someone else might
be equally as excellent.
It's true. And they might be shy
and not wanna come forward and
say they wanted a solo.
Well, Beca doesn't want a solo, so...
I would be happy to do it
if I got to pick a new song
and do an arrangement.
Well, that's not how we run things here.
Aubrey, maybe Beca has a point. Maybe
we could try something new.
A-ca-scuse me?
You can sing Turn the Beat Around and
that's the last I wanna hear of this.
That song is tired. We're
not gonna win with it.
If we pull samples from different genres
and layer them together,
we could make some...
Okay, let me explain something to you because
you still don't seem to get it.
Our goal is to get back to the finals
and these songs will get us there.
So, excuse me if I don't take advice from
some alt-girl with her mad lib beats,
because she's never even
been in competition.
Have I made myself clear?
Crystal. I won't solo.
Fine.
Fat Amy? Yes, sir?
You'll solo.
Yes! Yes.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
The 2012 southeastern regional competition
has officially begun.
Yes, I'm Gail Abernathy McCadd,
and to my right is fellow a
cappella alum John Smith
and we are live from Carolina University.
It's a new season for a cappella.
The regionals begin the long
road to Lincoln Center
where all of these youngsters
hope to one day win a trophy
by making music with their mouths.
A cappella out of sock puppets? Genius.
Yeah, look at the black one
with the white sock.
It's making a statement.
There's no craft there. Watching
them will make you worse.
At least they're different.
And the Sockappellas, once again proving
that it doesn't get better for
everyone after high school.
Do we clap?
No, we don't. Never.
Hands in.
Remember, "ah" on three.
One, two...
Wait, you said we'd...
I'm sorry.
It's okay, it's gonna be okay. Okay.
Let's give it up for the Barden Bellas!
Wow.
This does not look like the fresh-faced nubile
Bellas that we have come to know.
Is it me or are those skirts
just not working anymore?
You're walking the line, John.
It's a nice surprise to see
the Bellas mixing it up.
It's refreshing, yet displeasing to the eye.
One, two, three, four.
The Barden Bellas bringing back
the same song they sang
at last year's finals.
And all eyes will be on senior Aubrey Posen.
She could toss some cookies at any moment.
And she makes it through,
folks. No cookie toss.
John, a change of pace could not come soon
enough here for the Barden Bellas.
This is not a great way
to start their season.
Yeah, this number is like an elephant
dart to the public's face.
Oh, yeah!
Yes.
Yeah, Fat Amy.
Boo!
The Barden Bellas went deep into
the archive for that song, John.
I remember singing it with
my own a cappella group.
And what group was that, Gail?
The Minstrel Cycles, John.
Well, that's an unfortunate name.
Thank you. Really incredible.
The Barden Bellas. Thank you.
That was great.
Amazing.
You know, there must be something in the
water over there at Barden University,
'cause this next group is also from Barden.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Barden
University Treblemakers.
Here we go, the Barden Treblemakers. They're
on the trail for Lincoln Center, huh?
Absolutely, they always are, Gail.
My favorite, and everyone's favorite.
Now it says here in my notes that
their front man Bumper Allen
has recently released his own
line of sports sandals.
Shh!
Boy, the bad boys of a cappella
have just gotten badder.
Whoo! That's right, John.
I'm gonna have to excuse myself
to freshen up the downtown.
Can I help?
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment
we've all been waiting for.
The results of tonight's
regional competition.
In third place, the Sockappellas!
Yeah, lucky you. In second place,
and advancing to this year's semi-finals,
the Barden Bellas.
Yeah.
Yes!
Awesome.
Oh, nice. Nice.
Hey, ugh!
And the winner of tonight's
regional competition,
defending their crown, ladies and gentlemen,
the Barden University Treblemakers!
Way to go, Trebles.
Yes! Yes!
That's right!
I'm willing to sign breasts.
Yes! I'm willing to sign...
Oh, look who it is. Old dudes.
Get a life.
Sonic boom.
Just 'cause we graduated a few years ago,
doesn't mean we can't still get off performing
our oral magic, all right?
Oral magic?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, buddy.
Are you looking for what I
think you're looking for?
Yeah, a fight? You looking for a fight?
Please, please. Please say you're
looking for a fight.
Please, please say you're
looking for a fight.
Yes! I will fight.
I would fight him,
but I tore a quad within the
midst of the dance...
Hey, Gandhi. Hey, you, are
we doing this or what?
Hit me. What?
Let's get it on!
Mmm-mmm.
I've wrestled crocodiles and
dingoes simultaneously.
Come here! Why do you want me to hit you?
I don't wanna do that.
I need to feel something. Hit
me as hard as you can.
Hit me hard. Take this. Take this.
I want you to hit me with it.
I'm just gonna... I'm just
gonna check on them.
The kraken has been unleashed.
Feel the Fat Amy force!
Hey.
Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
Oh!
That's fantastic!
Amy, don't. Amy! Feel the fat power.
Fat Amy! Kick me in the balls!
Amy!
Give me the sharp weapon, I
wanna put it up his butt!
Ooh! Cherry on top.
Which way are you running?
This way. This way. All right.
Beautiful.
Amy!
Vertical running.
I'm vertical running.
Hey, Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby.
Hey, you know you just have to say,
"Hey, Million Dollar Baby."
You don't have to reference
the specific actress.
Damn. Prison changed you.
Thanks for bailing me out.
Well, I didn't.
You called my dad?
I know, I know, but they were putting
you in handcuffs, Bec.
It looked pretty serious.
That doesn't mean you call my dad.
Who else was I gonna call? Okay,
why are you yelling at me?
I'm the only one here.
I didn't ask you to be.
I was just trying to help you.
I don't need your help, you're
not my boyfriend.
Got it.
Dad, it's not a big deal.
Yeah, it's a big deal.
I get a call in the middle of the night
saying my daughter's been arrested
for destruction of property.
It was a misunderstanding and
I was protecting my friends.
I was putting myself out
there. Making memories.
If you think I'm paying for you to
go to LA after a stunt like this,
I'm not. Get in the car.
You're not even gonna hear what
I have to say about this?
No, not tonight. Just get in.
Hey!
What up, Shawshank?
Did you get yourself a bitch?
Did they spray you with a hose?
I did a turn at County.
You guys waited up for me?
Of course we waited up for you.
They've been here for hours. It's
a real inconvenience, Beca.
Beca, I'm glad you're here.
I'm calling an emergency Bella meeting.
No.
First up... Yes.
Our score sheet revealed that the
Sockappellas almost beat us.
And Fat Amy, you need to do it exactly
how we rehearsed it, okay?
No surprises.
We should be taking risks. It's
not enough to be good,
we need to put ourselves
out there, be different.
Beca's right. The Trebles never
sing the same song twice.
The audience love the Trebles,
they tolerate us.
We could change the face
of a cappella if we...
Oh, my God, that sounded so queerballs.
What's happening to me?
Let me show you this arrangement
I've been working on.
I didn't know you were into this stuff.
Yeah.
Okay, I have the pitch pipe, and I say that
we focus on the set list as planned.
From now on, there will be no
more wasting time with work
or school or boyfriends or partners.
Sorry, Cynthia Rose.
But Aubrey, this stuff is
pretty cool. I mean...
Okay. Rehearsal tomorrow, 8:00 a.m. sharp.
Hey!
This is my track! You're playing
my song right now!
That is awesome! You like it?
You put it on the radio! That is amazing!
It's a sick beat.
Yeah, I always thought her
beats were pretty sick.
Hey, Becky, listen, spring break, I
want you to take the night shift.
Play your music.
The DJ at the Garage does a brilliant version
of this, but yours? It's better.
Yeah, it is.
I'm gonna listen to her tonight. I think
you should... You should come with.
I have a thing.
Flight attendant training?
It's Barden Bellas. I have
the semi-finals tonight.
Really? I did not have you pegged
as an a cappella girl.
That's 'cause you don't
know Becky like I do.
See you tonight.
Okay, don't you flat-butts
worry, I got this.
I'm just gonna pump and dump.
I don't care what you say.
Sisq live, best performance
ever, I've ever seen.
"Thong Song" isn't his only hit. Yeah.
All right? That's serious.
Yo, Bump, is that Fat Amy?
Donald, slow down! Slow down!
Yeah! All right!
Hey, Amy? Sabotage!
I've been shot.
I've just been shot! Help me.
Fat Amy!
They shot Amy!
I've got you. I've got you.
No, no, no. I'm talking, I'm
talking... I'm sitting up.
All right. Cool.
- There's no need for that.
No mouth to mouth.
Oh, shit. Bumper threw a
big-ass burrito at me.
I'm gonna kill him, I swear. I'm gonna
finish him like a cheesecake.
You've got yourself a little
something there.
Just leave it. It fuels my hate fire.
Oh, my God.
It's a... It's...
Oh.
What the hell?
Um... It's pretty cool, actually. I think
we're just running out of gas.
No, that can't be. You just filled the tank.
Yeah, I did.
And, yet, maybe I didn't, because
I got hit by flying Mexican food.
And we're out.
A-ca-scuse me?
A-ca-believe it.
Man, what are we gonna do?
Maybe we could call...
No, don't even say it, Chloe. How dare you?
Oh, no, actually that is a really good
idea. I've got Bumper's number.
Why do you have Bumper's number?
Uh...
So, Bellas,
what boring, estrogen-filled set have
you prepared for us this evening?
Excuse me?
But you guys are gonna get
pitch-slapped so hard
your man boobs are gonna concave.
Nine miles, guys.
That's pretty good.
I set fires to feel joy.
That's adorable.
Five minutes, Bellas.
Where did he come from? Shh!
It's over. There's no way we can beat
the Footnotes and the Trebles.
Whoo! That little peanut can sing.
He really can. It sounds to me, though, Gail,
like his boys haven't dropped yet,
if you know what I mean.
If you mean his testicles, then
I do, John. I do. I really do.
A-ca-huddle, now.
The top two teams go to the finals, so
we just have to beat one of them.
And if we do it exactly how we rehearsed
it, we will get there, okay? Exactly.
Hands in.
On three or after three?
Screw it. Let's just do it.
Put your hands together
for the Barden Bellas!
Okay, the Bellas are coming out.
Another step in this competition and...
One, two, three, four...
Here we go again.
Looks like they're sticking
with what they know.
A little tension on the stage tonight.
Claws are out.
This is just friendly collegiate fun.
It's a tough competition, but we're
all here to have a good time.
That's right, John. But a mistake can
haunt you for the rest of your life
and affect your children.
What the hell, Beca? Were you
trying to screw us up?
Are you serious?
Newsflash. This isn't the Beca show.
Okay, I'm sorry that I messed you up,
but in case you hadn't noticed, everybody
pretty much dozed off during our set.
It's not your job to decide what
we do and when we do it.
Why don't you ask the rest of the group how
they felt about your little improvisation?
Amy?
It was cool. But it did take
us a little bit by surprise.
Yeah, a lot by surprise.
A little.
I told you she wasn't a
Bella. Aubrey, don't.
No, that's okay. You don't have to pretend
you're allowed to have a
say in the group, right?
Your attitude sucks. You're
a grade-A pain in my ass,
and I know you're hooking up with Jesse.
Whoa. Whoa. Aubrey, calm down.
We're not hooking up, I swear.
Jesus Christ! That's perfect. Of
course you're here right now.
I don't need your help,
okay? Can you back off?
Trebles. Time to bring the pain.
If this is what I get for trying...
Beca? Beca, wait.
Aubrey, it actually went really well.
Chloe, stop!
Excuse me. Oh, my God. Okay.
Beca? Beca, wait.
And the Treblemakers seal the deal tonight.
Unfortunately, Barden's other group,
the Bellas, do not advance,
and senior Aubrey Posen loses her chance to
redeem herself from last year's Pukegate.
Happy spring break.
Thanks.
In the simplest terms, in the
most convenient definitions.
But what we found out is that
each one of us is a brain.
And an athlete.
And a basket case.
A princess.
And a criminal.
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
We are from the Collegiate
A Cappella Association.
It has come to our attention
that you are not in college.
Is this your mother?
This is Aubrey Posen.
Yes, thank you, sir.
I look forward to seeing you
again at Lincoln Center.
Yes!
Ah.
Aubrey?
I'm all in, bitches.
Okay. The a-ca-gods have looked down on us
and they have given us a second chance.
Shalom!
I texted Beca.
You did what?
She makes us better.
That's not an opinion for
you to have, Chloe.
Why? Because it's not yours?
You're not always right, you know.
We will win without her.
Jesse, I know you're in there.
I can smell popcorn.
Jesse, come on. Open up.
Hey. I tried to call you. I left
you a bunch of messages.
Yeah, I got them.
I'm sorry that we fought.
I was mad and I overreacted and I'm just...
Aubrey makes me crazy.
Seriously?
You think I'm mad because you yelled at me?
No, I know...
No, you don't. You think
you know, but you don't.
You push away anyone who could possibly
care about you. Why is that?
I don't know.
Well, you better figure it out
because I'm done with...
Whatever this is.
Jesse... I'm done.
Women.
Yeah.
Okay, stop.
What is happening to us?
Chloe, you sound like you
smoke three packs a day.
Stacie, you are so behind on choreography.
And Jessica and Ashley, it is like you
haven't been here all year long.
Aubrey, really?
We've literally been here the whole time.
Aubrey, please, just give us a break.
It's kind of not the same
without everyone here.
We need Beca.
Maybe if Aubrey loosened
the reins a little bit.
Okay, shut it, Chloe!
Whoa!
Oh, I'm sorry. That was rude.
Chloe, could you please get your head
out of your ass? It's not a hat.
A-ca-awkward.
Again.
No one was more surprised than me,
but I really liked those girls.
And you thought quitting was the answer?
Seriously? You can say that to me?
Oh, come on, Bec, that's so unfair.
Look, your mom and I, we didn't work.
But I tried so hard to make
things right between us.
But you, you just shut me out.
Yeah, well, I shut everybody out.
Don't take it personally.
It's just easier.
It's also really lonely.
What do I do?
Well, that's up to you.
Trebles, listen up!
If this is about the Bellas getting
into the finals, we already know.
I don't give a crap about
those dumb bitches.
Because I'm being brought up
to the musical big leagues.
What are you talking about?
John Mayer just asked me, personally,
through an assistant,
to sing backup on his new CD.
I leave for Los Angeles in a few
hours, so I gotta get going.
But Bumper, what about the ICCAs?
They're this weekend.
Hmm. Sorry, buddies, but I won that shit
like 100 times, so I'm out of here.
Got a collarless leather jacket
to buy. Maybe some aviators.
I might get an earring, I don't know.
It's Los Angeles. This is exciting
stuff. My life rules!
Bumper's a jerk. All right, I said it. Yeah.
Well, he's a jerk that we
need to replace. Yeah.
Pronto dente.
You know he writes his own fan mail.
Spot opened up, and it's
yours if you want it.
Just one condition. Promise
me you won't get all weird.
We're just a group of guys singing
a bunch of covers of songs, okay?
If you get weird, they will definitely
not let you stay.
Deal. Although I don't know
what you mean by weird.
Got it.
I have been there for you for so many years,
and all you do is treat me like...
All right, no, okay, just shut up! Everyone!
Come on, I joined this group so I could hang
out with a bunch of really cool chicks.
And also 'cause I was really
sick of all my boyfriends
and I need to get away from that.
But this is some serious horseshit.
What's that smell? Stinks everywhere.
I don't wanna be like the old Bellas.
Yeah, I wanna be how we are now.
Me, too.
We should have listened to Beca.
Oh, so it's my fault?
That's not what I'm saying.
No, no, no, that's what you're
all thinking, isn't it?
That I'm the jerk. I am the
girl obsessed with winning.
Aubrey, you're too controlling
and it's gonna ruin all of us.
You know what, I can lose
control if I want to.
I can let go. This time I'm
not gonna choke it down.
Hmm?
Come on, bring it! You can
do better than that!
That's all you got?
Enough! Enough!
We could have been champions!
Give me the pitch pipe, you bitch!
Give it to me!
Give it to me! Give it to me!
Never!
I'll protect you. I'll protect you.
Hands off the goodies!
Move, you bitches!
Guys!
Guys, stop! What is going on?
Nothing. Nothing. This
is a Bellas rehearsal.
I know. I just
wanted to say that I'm sorry.
What I did was a really dick move
and I shouldn't have changed the
set without asking you guys.
And I definitely shouldn't have left.
I let you guys down and I'm really sorry.
And...
Aubrey, if you would have
me, I want back in.
Aubrey.
Wait.
Thank you. That would have
been embarrassing.
Beca, I know that I've been
hard on you, okay?
I know that I have been
hard on everyone here.
But I am my father's daughter.
And he always said, "If at
first you don't succeed,
"pack your bags."
Jesus. That's really crazy.
I get it. Mine gets on me, too.
Not like that, but...
I guess we don't really know
that much about each other.
About most of you, really.
Well, I'll confess something that
none of you know about me.
I have a lot of sex.
Yeah, we know, Stacie.
Only 'cause I just told you.
This is a good idea.
That was a pretty bad example,
but this is a good idea.
Why don't we all go around the room,
and we can all say something about
ourselves that nobody else knows.
Okay, I got something.
This is hard for me to admit to you guys.
I think we all know where this
is going. Let's be honest.
Well, for the last two years,
I've had a serious
gambling problem.
What? What?
It started when I broke
up with my girlfriend.
Whoomp! There it is.
I still love you.
Anyone else?
I ate my twin in the womb.
What?
Okay.
Fat Amy?
I'm an open book.
I mean, for God's sake, you
guys all call me Fat Amy.
See, I guess I'm just not really living
if I'm not being 100 % honest.
And my real name is Fat Patricia.
What?
Okay. I've never been one of those girls
who had a lot of friends who
were girls. And I do now.
And that's pretty cool.
So, that's me. Someone else please go.
Okay.
Over spring break, I made the courageous
decision to remove my nodes.
I know. The doctor said that I
can't sing above a G-sharp,
maybe ever.
I thought the season was over.
It's okay. It's okay.
Beca, what do we do?
I'm sorry.
Maybe not here.
All right. Let's remix this business.
Aubrey, would you pick
a song for us, please?
Bruno Mars, Just The Way You Are.
Okay. Chloe, are you okay to take the lead?
Yeah.
Hands in.
One, two...
What was that?
I don't know, I've never
made that sound before.
Yo, but with your messed up vocal cords,
you could hit the bass notes.
Do you know what that means?
Yes, Lilly?
I think I have something
that can help us out.
Excuse me, bitch, you don't need to shout.
Okay, don't get mouthy.
Ah!
Welcome to the finals
of the 2012 International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
Lincoln Center is proud to welcome back
all of these young hopefuls tonight
who are hoping to win a trophy by
making music with their mouths.
This is gonna be a big night,
and I tell you, Gail,
if you can just shut your eyes.
- I'm doing it.
Shut your eyes and get rid
of all the a-ca-politics,
then you can remember that being at
Lincoln Center, in the Big Apple,
and singing on this storied stage is the
dream of every a cappella singer.
You said it, John.
The University of Virginia Hullabahoos,
Iadies and gentlemen.
There they are.
One, two, three, swag!
Welcome back to the International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
This next group, they need no introduction,
but I'll do it anyway!
Hey.
Good luck.
Thanks. You, too.
...the Barden University Treblemakers!
Oh, the Trebles closing
it strong like always.
Absolutely tight. It's gonna be
very hard to beat that tonight.
Every other group has their work
cut out for them, John.
I'm glad it's not us anymore, Gail. Those
days are over, thank goodness.
Especially since they wouldn't have us back.
All right. How about that?
The Barden University Treblemakers.
I love you, awesome nerds.
Yeah, you guys are the best.
Even though some of you are pretty thin,
I think that you all have fat hearts,
and that's what matters.
Okay, let's just smash this. Okay?
Ladies and gentlemen, the Barden Bellas!
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Will you Iook at this?
Gone are those Bella uniforms and this
is a whole new Iook for them,
and it is hot, hot, hot.
John, these girls could turn me.
We love you, Bellas!
One, two, three, four.
Way to go, Beca!
What a show!
I think we have just seen some a cappella
history being made, John.
And from an all-female group, Gail.
I could never have called this one.
Never. Well, you are a misogynist at heart,
so there's no way you would have
bet on these girls to win.
Absolutely.
Weren't they incredible? Wow!
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give it
up again for the Barden Bellas!
Told you. Endings are the best part.
You're such a weirdo.
Listen up, a-ca-ballers.
I have been rejected by the Army, shoved
into a Dora the Explorer backpack,
and pushed into the girls' locker room
wearing nothing but suspenders.
But no matter. I am in
the world that I love.
And with the assistance of my boy, Justin...
My liege.
I launch this year's auditions.
Belly roll.
The most recent ICCA national champion
winners get to pick the audition song.
All right, nerds. Let's go with...
Because I have nodes.
Chloe, don't worry, it's just God punishing
you 'cause you're a ginger.
you would expect to see
at the International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
Am I right, Gail?
John, you're so right, everything
else seems wrong.
Boy, these Barden University Treblemakers
always thrill the judges.
And the ladies in the room
cannot get enough.
So true, John.
Nothing makes a woman feel more like a
girl than a man who sings like a boy.
Chloe, look at you. You're a mess. You're
unfocused. You're unreliable.
And your breath smells like
egg. Like, all the time.
I can't believe the Bellas are being passed
on to you two slut bags after we graduate.
Just don't eff up your solo.
I won't disappoint you.
My dad always says, "If
you're not here to win,
"get the hell out of Kuwait."
Has your dad ever told you to shut up?
I'm fine.
Ouch! Boy, that hurt.
Sexy man-splits.
His pain is our gain, Gail.
All right, good luck, guys!
Good luck out there!
Seriously, you girls are
awesome... ly horrible.
I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl
power! Sisters before misters!
All right, ladies, it's
now or never. Hands in!
One, two...
Up now, the Barden Bellas!
Well, the Bellas tonight are making history
as the first ever all-female group
to advance to the ICCA finals.
That's right, John. Now, why do
you think it's taken so long
for an all-lady group to break through
that a cappella glass ceiling?
Well, Gail, the women, typically,
cannot hit the low notes,
which really round out an arrangement,
thrill the judges,
and that can really hurt
them in competition.
Women are about as good at a cappella
as they are at being doctors.
One, two, three, four.
Is it me or did we just take a
left turn into Snoozeville?
Yeah, and we parked in a lot
where they do not validate.
No! Holy...
This is a surprise!
This has never happened! Now, this
is how you bring some excitement
to the International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
She had a week's worth of lunch and lost it.
Well, she didn't lose it. We
know exactly where it is.
It's all over the third row. No, no...
I got it. Thanks.
Hi there! Welcome to Barden
University. What dorm?
Baker Hall, I think.
Okay. So, what you're gonna do is
you're gonna go down this way,
you're gonna take a right and you
go through those double doors...
Your campus map.
And your official BU rape whistle.
Don't blow it unless it's
actually happening.
Hey.
You must be Kimmy Jin. I'm Beca.
No English?
Yes English?
Just tell me where you're at with English.
There he is. I'm Benji. You must be Jesse.
And you must be kidding. Wow!
Looking at it now, I can see
that it's a bit much.
I can take it down.
No, no way. I mean, it took a
second for my eyes to adjust,
but I can roll with this.
Look, just so you know,
I'm not a total nerd.
I also happen to be super
into close-up magic.
Dude, that's awesome!
How long was that little guy in there?
Several days.
Hey, this is campus police.
Hide your wine coolers.
Just... It's your old man making a funny.
Chris Rock, everybody.
Hey, you must be Beca's roommate.
I'm Dr. Mitchell, Beca's dad.
I teach Comparative Literature here.
So, when did you get here?
How did you get here?
Took a cab. Didn't wanna inconvenience
you and Sheila.
How is the stepmonster?
She is fine, thank you for asking. She's
actually in Vegas at a conference...
No, Dad, I don't actually care. I
just wanted to say "stepmonster."
So, have you guys been out on the quad yet?
In the springtime, all the students
study on the grass.
I don't wanna study on the grass, Dad.
I need to move to LA and get
a job at a record label
and start paying my dues.
Here we go again. You know, Beca,
DJing is not a profession, it's a hobby.
Unless you're Rick Dees or someone awesome.
That's not... I...
I wanna produce music. I
wanna make music, Dad.
But you're going to get a
college education first.
For free, I might add. End of story.
I'm going to the Activities Fair.
Me, too. I'm going to the Activities Fair
with my super-good friend, Kimmy Jin.
Taking names, taking numbers.
Join our righteous frat.
If you ain't pledging Sigma Beta,
you ain't worth no crap.
That's a double negative. That's
a lot of negatives.
Follow me. There's only one group
on this campus worth joining.
As far as Barden goes, that's
what being a man's all about.
The Treblemakers.
The rock stars of a cappella,
the messiahs of Barden.
Well, you know, not including athletes,
frat guys, or actual cool people.
Organized nerd singing. This is great.
Yeah, it makes so much sense.
How's your voice?
Oh, nice.
I will stop at nothing to take
those ding-a-lings down.
Hey, Barb. You gonna audition
this year? We have openings.
Now that you've puked your
way to the bottom,
you might actually consider me?
I auditioned for you three
times and never got in
because you said my boobs look like baloney.
The word's out. Bellas is the
laughing stock of a cappella.
Good luck auditioning this year. Douche-b's.
Oh, my God. This is a travesty.
God, if we can't even recruit Baloney
Barb, then we can't get anybody.
Just take the dramatics down a notch,
okay? Hi, do you wanna...
Well, you're the one who got
us into this hot mess.
We'll be fine.
I am confident that we will find
eight super-hot girls with
bikini-ready bodies
who can harmonize and have
perfect pitch. Okay?
Hi, would you like to be a member of...
Just keep flyering. We have
tradition to uphold.
How about we just get good singers?
What? Good singers? What? Hi.
Can you sing? Yeah.
Can you read music? Yeah.
Can you match pitch? Try me.
Yeah.
That was a really good start.
I'm the best singer in Tasmania. With teeth.
Love it. What's your name?
Fat Amy.
Um... You call yourself Fat Amy?
Yeah, so twig bitches like you
don't do it behind my back.
I will see you in auditions, Fat Amy.
I can sing but I'm also
good at modern dance,
olden dance, and mermaid dancing,
which is a little different.
You usually start on the ground.
Ooh.
It's a lot of floor work. I see that.
Yeah, DJs. Deaf Jews.
Oh.
Shalom!
That's not a real word but keep trying.
You will get there.
Not a lot of Jewish people
where you're from?
Ah...
No. I did do Fiddler on the Roof,
though, in high school.
It was, like, me and some Aboriginals.
It was really Jewish.
It was full-on Jew.
Hey, guys. All right, I'll
give you my number.
What about her?
I don't know. She looks a little
too alternative for us.
Hi, any interest in joining
our a cappella group?
Oh, right, this is, like, a thing now.
Totes. We sing covers of songs but
we do it without any instruments.
It's all from our mouths.
Yikes.
There's four groups on campus. The
Bellas. That's us. We're the tits.
The BU Harmonics.
They sing a lot of Madonna.
The High Notes.
They're not particularly motivated.
And then there's...
So, are you interested?
Sorry, it just, it's pretty lame.
A-ca-scuse me?
Carey chart topper is not lame.
We sing all over the world and we compete
in national championships.
On purpose?
We played the Cobb Energy Performing
Arts Centre, you bitch!
Oh!
What Aubrey means to say is
that we are a close-knit,
talented group of ladies whose dream is
to return to the national finals
at Lincoln Center this year.
Help us turn our dreams into a reality?
Sorry, I don't even sing, but it was
really nice to meet you guys.
What are we gonna do?
When you came in and you were
just strumming the guitar,
and it was, like, totally off-key,
I wanted to choke you!
Bumper. I wanted to choke you out!
Okay, I'm gonna go introduce myself.
Everybody be cool. It's just a normal day.
Hi. Hi.
Benjamin Applebaum.
I saw you guys perform at a Mall
of America like three years ago.
Totally changed my life. I have not
stopped thinking about you since.
Thank you. Yeah.
And, Bumper, huge fan.
Your arrangement of Lovin' Spoonful's
Do You Believe in Magic
inspired me to become a
certified illusionist.
Wow.
The smell of your weird is actually
affecting my vocal cords,
so I'm gonna need you to scoot. Skedaddle.
But why don't we just exchange emails,
and then totally hang out
right now, together?
No. Hard pass. Hard pass.
What a nerd alert. Okay, guys,
now let's match pitch.
Too far. You think?
Yeah. Should I have done another trick?
No, I think your trick was fine. I just
think the talking was a little weird.
Maybe you can try to Facebook message him.
Hey, I'm Beca.
Over there. Thanks.
Ninety-five point seven, WBUJ, music
for the independent mind.
Hey. Hi.
Have you been standing there long?
No. No, I just got here, I
wasn't just standing here.
Freshmen aren't allowed in the booth. Sorry.
I'm Luke. Station manager. You
must be Becky the intern?
It's...
Hey, man, what's up? I'm Jesse.
I'm Luke. You're late.
Hey. I know you.
No, you don't. Yeah, I do.
He doesn't. Totally know her.
Okay, cool. Well, you guys can figure
it out while you're stacking CDs.
When you're done, there's more.
Now, you guys will be spending a lot of
down time together, so please, just
no sex on the desk.
I've been burned before.
I do know you. I sang to you. I remember
because you were in a taxi.
Wait, is your dad a taxi driver? No.
Oh.
This sucks. I wanted to play music.
Not me. I'm here for one reason only.
I really love stacking CDs.
So, what's your deal?
You one of those girls who's
all dark and mysterious,
then she takes off her glasses and
that amazingly scary ear spike
and you realize that, you know, she
was beautiful the whole time.
I don't wear glasses. Then
you're halfway there.
Beca.
Beca, wake up.
Funny, this doesn't look like your
Intro to Philosophy class.
I'm posing an important
philosophical question.
If I don't actually go to that
class, will it still suck?
Look, honey. College is... It's great.
You get to create memories
here, I see it every day.
You just have to give it a chance.
You've been here, what, a month
now? Do you have any friends?
Kimmy Jin is my friend. No.
You gotta get out there, Bec.
You gotta try something.
I got a job at the radio station.
Oh, great, that place.
Yeah, it's dark and dirty and has like, what,
those three weirdos who work there?
Well, four now.
You gotta try something new, Bec.
Join one club on campus.
And if, at the end of a year, you
still don't wanna be here,
you still wanna go off
to LA and be P. Diddy,
well, then, you can quit college.
And I will help you move to LA.
Seriously? Yes, seriously.
But I really need to see it, Beca.
This is college. Join in.
You can sing! Dude!
How high does your belt go? My what?
Oh, my God! You have to audition
for the Bellas.
I can't concentrate on anything you're
saying until you cover your junk.
Just consider it.
One time, we sang backup for Prince.
His butt is so tiny that I can
hold it with, like, one hand.
Oops! Oh!
Seriously. I am nude.
You were singing Titanium, right?
You know David Guetta? Have I been
living under a rock? Yeah.
That song is my jam.
My lady-jam.
That's nice.
It is. That song really builds.
Gross. Can you sing it for me?
Dude, no. Get out!
Not for that reason. I'm not leaving
here till you sing. So...
Oh, yeah. I'm pretty confident
about all this.
You should be.
Oh!
Still need to shower.
You have a lovely voice.
Thanks.
Oh.
Yeah. See you at auditions!
For your audition, each of you
will be singing sixteen bars
of Kelly Clarkson's Since You've Been Gone.
If a group likes you, they
will contact you directly.
My tone-deaf sidekick Justin here will
be collecting your information.
If I could sing a lick, in
any human way possible,
I would, but I can't.
And I hate myself every day
because of it! I know.
But if you think this is just
some high school club,
where you can sing and dance your
way through any big social issue,
or confused sexuality,
you have come to the wrong place.
There is none of that here.
That's high school.
This shit is real life!
Now, don't just bring it, sing
it. And let's do this.
Hey, Bellas, remember when you tried to
play in the big leagues and you choked?
That should really be a lesson to everyone.
If you sing the same boring,
girly shit every year,
you will blow chunks. All over the place.
Vomit everywhere.
My fellow a-ca-people.
We will not let egotistical, big-headed,
garbage dirtballs,
whoever you may be, get in our way.
I promise you,
we will return to the ICCAs and finish
what we started last year.
And here's the first one up. Good luck.
Whenever you're ready, dude.
Yeah, hi, my name is Cynthia Rose.
Not a dude. It's not a dude.
There's no backup dancers? Okay.
Hello. My name is Lilly Onakuramara.
I have gills like a fish.
I'm sorry. What was that?
Hello. My name is Lilly Onakuramara.
I was born with gills like a fish.
One, two, three, four.
Oh.
Hi, everybody, my name is Stacie.
My hobbies include cuticle
care and the E! Network.
It's high.
Jesus.
Ugh!
Thank you.
Performing live gives me such a rush.
Crushed it.
Okay. That is everybody. I'm really
not that impressed this year, guys.
Oh, wait, there's one more.
Hi.
Hello.
Um...
I didn't know we had to prepare that song.
Oh, that's okay. Sing anything you want.
Uh...
May I? Oh.
Wow.
The sopranos. Jessica, Mary Elise, Lilly.
The mezzos. Cynthia Rose, Stacie, Kori.
And our altos. Fat Amy, Denise,
Ashley, and Beca.
We shall begin by drinking the blood
of the sisters that came before you.
Dude, no. Don't worry, it's Boone's Farm.
Well, well, well, look who's in treble.
Ah, classic pun. I know.
No Benji?
Now, if you'll place your scarves
in your right hand.
I, sing your name...
I...
...promise to fulfill the duties and
responsibilities of a Bella woman.
ALL:... promise to fulfill the duties and
responsibilities of a Bella woman.
And I solemnly promise to never have
sexual relations with a Treblemaker
or may my vocal cords be
ripped out by wolves.
And I solemnly promise to never have
sexual relations with a Treblemaker
or may my vocal cords be
ripped out by wolves.
You are all Bellas now.
We did it.
I want some more of this.
Did we?
Ladies, welcome to a-ca-initiation night.
Prepare to soften the beach.
I don't know what I'm doing here.
Just living the dream. I still can't
believe they let my sexy fat ass in.
Beca! Beca!
Wow.
Be-caw! Be-caw.
Do my eyes deceive me or
are you a Barden Bella?
No. You're one of those a cappella girls,
I'm one of those a cappella boys, and
we're gonna have a-ca-children.
It's inevitable. You're
really drunk right now.
I don't think you're gonna
remember any of this.
No. I'm not drunk at all,
you're just blurry.
You okay? Yeah? Yeah.
You almost fell over? No, she
didn't. You know, I could...
Can you pass a sobriety test right now? Yep.
Can you stand up straight?
See how I come right back?
And I come right back. Right. Wow.
Can I get you a drink?
It sounds great.
I'm gonna get you a drink. Go for it.
I think you need to get on this level.
Please be careful.
Hi.
I am so glad that I met you.
I think that we're gonna
be really fast friends.
Yeah. Well, you saw me naked, so... Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, ladies. Gather
around. Ready for a show.
Come on, baby bubble, wait
in line. Yep. Yeah.
You want some of this. I know you do.
Nice. Mmm-hmm. Bumper and Donald.
Getting it.
You know, so there's like 10 of us. Mmm-hmm.
That means that one of us
is probably a lesbian.
You think? Which one do you think it is?
My money's on Black Beauty.
So, when I drink too much tonight,
can I count on you to hold
my hair back if I puke?
Ah.
Don't tell her I said that.
All right. I'm gonna go get a drink.
This ginger needs her jiggle juice.
See you later. Make good choices.
I thought of a new name for this hairstyle.
It's called the Orthodox Jew ponytail.
Yeah?
'Cause it's very reserved at
the front... I see that.
But party in the back. I see
these happening here.
Here's the real question.
Who would be easier to sleep with?
Captain America or a great white shark?
Great white shark. I wouldn't... Hey.
What are you turd burgers talking about?
Dressing for comfort?
You are probably the grossest
human being I've ever seen.
Well, you're no panty-dropper yourself.
So I have a feeling that we should kiss.
And is that feeling a good feeling
or an incorrect feeling?
Well, I sometimes have a feeling
I can do crystal meth,
but then I think, "Hmm. Better not." Yeah.
I don't know the words, but I can...
Thank you.
This is awesome.
It's definitely something.
We are the kings of campus!
Man, the old Bellas was hot!
Yeah, they kept it tight.
Okay. Sopranos in the front
and altos in the back.
As you can see, Kori is not here.
Last night she was Treble-boned.
She has been disinvited from the Bellas.
That oath was serious?
Dixie Chicks serious.
You can fool around with whoever
you want to, just not a Treble.
That's not gonna be easy. He's a hunter.
You call it a dude?
Stacie, the Trebles don't respect us,
and if we let them penetrate us,
Not a good enough reason to
use the word "penetrate."
So, does anyone here have
anything to confess?
It was an accident. I...
Turn in your scarf and go.
Slut.
Take your chair.
Was that necessary?
This is war, Beca,
and it is my job to make sure that
my soldiers are prepped at go time
with three kick-ass songs sung and
choreographed to perfection.
And there are only four
months until regionals.
So, if you have a problem with
the way that I run the Bellas,
then you should just...
Don't stress, Aubrey. Relax.
We don't want a repeat of
what happened last year.
What happened last year?
What are you saying?
What happened last year?
And do you guys wanna see a dead body?
Click on "Guy Pukes on Cat."
Enough! It happened. It's over.
We will practice every day for at least
two hours, seven days a week.
And I trust you will add your own cardio.
Why cardio? Yeah, no, don't
put me down for cardio.
Okay, moving on.
This is a list of all of the songs
that we have ever performed.
And you will notice that we only
do songs made famous by women.
There's nothing from this century on here.
Because we don't stray from tradition.
Now, this is how we will become champions.
Come on, girls! Let's go!
Go, go, go! Pick up your knees!
Faster, faster! One, two,
one, two, one, two!
Knees up, knees up! Go,
go! Go! Let's get it.
Yes, Chloe. Nice. Amy!
What are you doing?
I'm doing horizontal running.
Horizontal running?
No.
No, no.
No.
I know... I can do it.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Okay, I'm calling it.
Thank God. I asked to go to the
bathroom three hours ago.
Nothing. I hear nothing.
Hey, Aubrey. Did we just learn the
same choreography from that video?
Okay. Don't forget to pick up
your performance schedules.
We have a gig next week.
That's right. Next week.
You guys, it's the Sigma Beta
Theta's Annual Fall Mixer.
Okay. Hands in, Bellas.
Hands in, a-ca-bitches! Okay.
Sing "ah" on three...
Ah!
No, no, no. It's actually on three, Fat Amy.
Ah.
All right. On three.
One, two...
Okay, we will work on that
first thing next time.
Okay, guys. Thank you. Goodbye.
She has man hands.
Beca, a word?
What's up?
You know you'll have to take those ear
monstrosities out for the Fall Mixer.
You really don't like me, do you?
I don't like your attitude.
You don't even know me.
I know you have a toner for Jesse.
A what?
A toner.
A musical boner. I saw it at Hood
Night. It's distracting.
Yeah, that's not a thing and you're
not the boss of me. So...
You took an oath.
That oath cost you two girls already today.
I'm pretty sure you need
me more than I need you.
I can see your toner through those jeans.
That's my dick.
Everything okay?
We better have our shit together for SBT.
I'm not worried. I think we're
gonna be a-ca-awesome.
This makes my beer taste bad.
I'm gonna stop this.
Whoa, whoa. Just stop. Stop.
I am so sorry, Howie. I know
we're not performance ready.
I wanted the hot Bellas, not
this barnyard explosion.
I'm not paying for this.
Let's go. Come on. God.
Well, I hope you all remember
the way you feel right now,
so you will never wanna feel this way again.
Chloe, your voice didn't
sound Aguilerian at all.
Chloe, for serious, what is wrong with you?
I have nodes.
What? Oh, my God. I found out this morning.
What are nodes?
Vocal nodules.
The rubbing together of your vocal
cords at above-average rates
without proper lubrication.
They sit on your windpipe and
they crush your dreams.
Isn't that painful? Why would
you keep performing?
Because I love to sing.
Yeah, it's like when my lady doctor told
me not to have sex for six weeks,
and I did it anyway.
You should really listen to your doctor.
The key is early diagnosis.
I am living with nodes.
But I am a survivor.
I just have to pull back.
Because I am limited.
Because I have nodes.
Chloe, this is horrible.
Well, at least it's not herpes.
Or do you have that as well?
Hmm?
Jesse? Yeah.
I'm starving, so could you...
You want me to get you lunch?
You should probably lay off the burgers.
You're not gonna be 22 forever, you know.
Yeah, I think I'm good.
He's good. You're good.
And the chess match continues.
Hey, this is my new mix,
so if there's anything you wanted to play...
Yeah, okay, I'll put it on the pile.
Okay.
What's up, weirdo?
Okay.
What's this? As much as I love
spending time with you stacking
CDs... And I do.
I love it, like, more than life.
...I figured we could do
some other fun things
that don't make us wanna
kill ourselves, right?
Yeah. So, brought some movies.
Jaws, E.T., The Breakfast Club,
Star Wars and Rocky.
Best scored and soundtracked
movies of all time.
That's what I wanna do when I grow
up. I wanna score movies.
Bring people to tears, you
know. Blow their minds.
I feel like only music can do that.
Yeah.
You must really sweep your
girlfriend off her feet.
I don't have a girlfriend.
What? No.
You have juice pouches and Rocky.
Okay, so what do you wanna watch first?
Wanna do something else?
We could relive my parents' divorce.
Or visit a gynecologist.
What, do you not like movies or something?
Like, any movies? You don't...
What the hell is wrong with you?
How do you not like movies?
Not liking movies is like
not liking puppies.
They're fine. I just get bored
and never make it to the end.
The endings are the best part.
They're predictable. Like,
the guy gets the girl,
and that kid sees dead people and
Darth Vader is Luke's father.
Okay, right, so you just happened to guess
the biggest cinematic reveal in history?
"Vader" in German means father.
His name is literally "Darth Father."
Huh.
So, you know German.
Well, now I know why you
don't like fun things.
You know, you need a movie education.
You need a movie-cation. And
I'm gonna give it to you.
Yeah, in between Bella rehearsals,
which are always.
Are you guys getting ready for the riff-off?
What the hell is a riff-off?
Hit it!
Welcome to the riff-off!
Who's ready to get vocal?
The winners get the greatest prize of all.
I'm taking you down.
The microphone used by Hoobastank...
I don't care.
...when they rocked out at the
Schnee Performing Arts Center.
Let's see our first category.
Ladies of the '80s.
Oh!
Oh, Mickey, you're So fine you're
so fine You blow my mind
Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine...
You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
So shiny and new
Like a virgin
Okay, guys.
Touched for the very first time
Like the one in me That's okay
Let's see how you do it Put up your
dukes, let's get down to it!
Hit me with your best shot
Why don't you hit me with your best shot
Hit me with your best shot
Fire away
It must have been Iove
But it's over now
But it's over right now
The negative side effects of
medical marijuana, folks.
You are...
Cut off!
Stoney baloney. Let's check
out our next category.
So, we just pick any song that works?
Yeah, any song. And you
just go with it? Nice.
And our next category is...
Songs about sex. Sex?
Na na na Come on
Na na na na na Come on, come on, come on
'Cause I may be bad But I'm
perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care
I Iove the smell of it
Sticks and stones May break my bones
But chains and whips Excite me
'Cause I may be bad But I'm
perfectly good at it
Sex, baby Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
and the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex A Iittle
bit, a Iittle bit
Let's talk about sex, baby
Baby, all through the night
I'll make love to you Like you want me to
And I guess it's just the woman in you
That brings out the man in me
I know I can't help myself
You're all in the world to me
It feels Iike the first time
It feels Iike the very first time
It feels Iike the first time
It's going down, fade to Blackstreet
The homies got RB, collab' creations
Bump like acne, no doubt I
put it down, never slouch
As long as my credit can vouch a dog
couldn't catch me straight up
Tell me who can stop when Dre makin' moves
attracting honeys like a magnet
Giving 'em eargasms with my mellow accent
Still moving this flavor With the
homies Blackstreet and Teddy
The original rump shakers
Keep going.
Shorty get down, good Lord
Baby got 'em open all over town
Strictly biz, she don't play around
Cover much ground, got game by the pound
Getting paid is her forte
Each and every day, true player way
I can't get her out of my mind
Okay.
I think about the girl all the time
I like the way you work it no diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up, baby
I like the way you work it No diggity
I got to bag it up We out
I mean, you're welcome.
It's a tough blow, ladies.
The word you needed to match was
"it." And you sang, "it's."
You are...
- Cut off!
Are you serious? The Trebles win!
Beca, I'm sorry. You lost.
I've never heard that rule! Ladies,
ladies, come on. Come back.
Sorry.
Money in the bank.
Enjoy watching us win the ICCAs.
On the TV. On a regional cable affiliate.
Before everybody goes to bed tonight,
I need you to make a list of
everything you did wrong.
I'm gonna melt that Cabbage Patch Kid.
Hey, guys, what we just
did was great, right?
Calm your pits, Beca. We still lost.
Yeah, but it was spontaneous.
It was awesome.
We were actually listening to...
Okay, everybody, hands in.
"Ah" on my count.
On three or after three? On three.
After three. One, two, three.
That's not how we do it.
Oh! Why can't we figure this out?
So, I just find songs that have
the same chord progressions
and create a track that
blends them together.
So, like, this is the new bass line,
and this is matching up downbeats.
Oh, I'm talking really loud.
That's me singing.
This is really good.
Now I'm the one yelling, right?
That is amazing, Beca.
Thanks.
So, I brought this over,
because I wanna watch you watch
the end of this movie.
And then I can die a hero.
Wait, actually...
You have a habit of making yourself
at home, did you know that?
Yeah.
Hmm...
Okay.
The Breakfast Club. 1985.
Greatest ending to any movie ever.
This song launched Simple Minds in the US.
Could have been a Billy Idol
song, but he turned it down.
Idiot.
Perfectly sums up the movie. It's
equally beautiful and sad.
That is fascinating.
Right?
Tell me, what does Judd Nelson
eat for breakfast?
Oh, well, like all misunderstood
rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy.
Sure.
And black coffee to help
with his morning dumps.
You're an idiot.
It's true. I'm full of fun facts.
You should let other people
tell you they're fun.
And an athlete.
And a basket case.
A princess.
And a criminal.
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
You're missing the ending.
Sorry.
It's good. I'm sure the beginning is...
The white girl is back.
And I'm out.
Always a pleasure, Kimmy Jin.
So... Excuse me. Excuse me.
I should have taken that cardio
tip more seriously.
How much have you done?
You just saw it.
Chloe, you gotta be able
to hit that last note.
I can't. It's impossible.
And it's because of my, my nodes.
Her nodes. Her nodes.
Well, if you can't do it, then
someone else needs to solo.
I think Beca should take my solo.
Yeah, Beca would be excellent.
But also, someone else might
be equally as excellent.
It's true. And they might be shy
and not wanna come forward and
say they wanted a solo.
Well, Beca doesn't want a solo, so...
I would be happy to do it
if I got to pick a new song
and do an arrangement.
Well, that's not how we run things here.
Aubrey, maybe Beca has a point. Maybe
we could try something new.
A-ca-scuse me?
You can sing Turn the Beat Around and
that's the last I wanna hear of this.
That song is tired. We're
not gonna win with it.
If we pull samples from different genres
and layer them together,
we could make some...
Okay, let me explain something to you because
you still don't seem to get it.
Our goal is to get back to the finals
and these songs will get us there.
So, excuse me if I don't take advice from
some alt-girl with her mad lib beats,
because she's never even
been in competition.
Have I made myself clear?
Crystal. I won't solo.
Fine.
Fat Amy? Yes, sir?
You'll solo.
Yes! Yes.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
The 2012 southeastern regional competition
has officially begun.
Yes, I'm Gail Abernathy McCadd,
and to my right is fellow a
cappella alum John Smith
and we are live from Carolina University.
It's a new season for a cappella.
The regionals begin the long
road to Lincoln Center
where all of these youngsters
hope to one day win a trophy
by making music with their mouths.
A cappella out of sock puppets? Genius.
Yeah, look at the black one
with the white sock.
It's making a statement.
There's no craft there. Watching
them will make you worse.
At least they're different.
And the Sockappellas, once again proving
that it doesn't get better for
everyone after high school.
Do we clap?
No, we don't. Never.
Hands in.
Remember, "ah" on three.
One, two...
Wait, you said we'd...
I'm sorry.
It's okay, it's gonna be okay. Okay.
Let's give it up for the Barden Bellas!
Wow.
This does not look like the fresh-faced nubile
Bellas that we have come to know.
Is it me or are those skirts
just not working anymore?
You're walking the line, John.
It's a nice surprise to see
the Bellas mixing it up.
It's refreshing, yet displeasing to the eye.
One, two, three, four.
The Barden Bellas bringing back
the same song they sang
at last year's finals.
And all eyes will be on senior Aubrey Posen.
She could toss some cookies at any moment.
And she makes it through,
folks. No cookie toss.
John, a change of pace could not come soon
enough here for the Barden Bellas.
This is not a great way
to start their season.
Yeah, this number is like an elephant
dart to the public's face.
Oh, yeah!
Yes.
Yeah, Fat Amy.
Boo!
The Barden Bellas went deep into
the archive for that song, John.
I remember singing it with
my own a cappella group.
And what group was that, Gail?
The Minstrel Cycles, John.
Well, that's an unfortunate name.
Thank you. Really incredible.
The Barden Bellas. Thank you.
That was great.
Amazing.
You know, there must be something in the
water over there at Barden University,
'cause this next group is also from Barden.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Barden
University Treblemakers.
Here we go, the Barden Treblemakers. They're
on the trail for Lincoln Center, huh?
Absolutely, they always are, Gail.
My favorite, and everyone's favorite.
Now it says here in my notes that
their front man Bumper Allen
has recently released his own
line of sports sandals.
Shh!
Boy, the bad boys of a cappella
have just gotten badder.
Whoo! That's right, John.
I'm gonna have to excuse myself
to freshen up the downtown.
Can I help?
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment
we've all been waiting for.
The results of tonight's
regional competition.
In third place, the Sockappellas!
Yeah, lucky you. In second place,
and advancing to this year's semi-finals,
the Barden Bellas.
Yeah.
Yes!
Awesome.
Oh, nice. Nice.
Hey, ugh!
And the winner of tonight's
regional competition,
defending their crown, ladies and gentlemen,
the Barden University Treblemakers!
Way to go, Trebles.
Yes! Yes!
That's right!
I'm willing to sign breasts.
Yes! I'm willing to sign...
Oh, look who it is. Old dudes.
Get a life.
Sonic boom.
Just 'cause we graduated a few years ago,
doesn't mean we can't still get off performing
our oral magic, all right?
Oral magic?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, buddy.
Are you looking for what I
think you're looking for?
Yeah, a fight? You looking for a fight?
Please, please. Please say you're
looking for a fight.
Please, please say you're
looking for a fight.
Yes! I will fight.
I would fight him,
but I tore a quad within the
midst of the dance...
Hey, Gandhi. Hey, you, are
we doing this or what?
Hit me. What?
Let's get it on!
Mmm-mmm.
I've wrestled crocodiles and
dingoes simultaneously.
Come here! Why do you want me to hit you?
I don't wanna do that.
I need to feel something. Hit
me as hard as you can.
Hit me hard. Take this. Take this.
I want you to hit me with it.
I'm just gonna... I'm just
gonna check on them.
The kraken has been unleashed.
Feel the Fat Amy force!
Hey.
Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
Oh!
That's fantastic!
Amy, don't. Amy! Feel the fat power.
Fat Amy! Kick me in the balls!
Amy!
Give me the sharp weapon, I
wanna put it up his butt!
Ooh! Cherry on top.
Which way are you running?
This way. This way. All right.
Beautiful.
Amy!
Vertical running.
I'm vertical running.
Hey, Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby.
Hey, you know you just have to say,
"Hey, Million Dollar Baby."
You don't have to reference
the specific actress.
Damn. Prison changed you.
Thanks for bailing me out.
Well, I didn't.
You called my dad?
I know, I know, but they were putting
you in handcuffs, Bec.
It looked pretty serious.
That doesn't mean you call my dad.
Who else was I gonna call? Okay,
why are you yelling at me?
I'm the only one here.
I didn't ask you to be.
I was just trying to help you.
I don't need your help, you're
not my boyfriend.
Got it.
Dad, it's not a big deal.
Yeah, it's a big deal.
I get a call in the middle of the night
saying my daughter's been arrested
for destruction of property.
It was a misunderstanding and
I was protecting my friends.
I was putting myself out
there. Making memories.
If you think I'm paying for you to
go to LA after a stunt like this,
I'm not. Get in the car.
You're not even gonna hear what
I have to say about this?
No, not tonight. Just get in.
Hey!
What up, Shawshank?
Did you get yourself a bitch?
Did they spray you with a hose?
I did a turn at County.
You guys waited up for me?
Of course we waited up for you.
They've been here for hours. It's
a real inconvenience, Beca.
Beca, I'm glad you're here.
I'm calling an emergency Bella meeting.
No.
First up... Yes.
Our score sheet revealed that the
Sockappellas almost beat us.
And Fat Amy, you need to do it exactly
how we rehearsed it, okay?
No surprises.
We should be taking risks. It's
not enough to be good,
we need to put ourselves
out there, be different.
Beca's right. The Trebles never
sing the same song twice.
The audience love the Trebles,
they tolerate us.
We could change the face
of a cappella if we...
Oh, my God, that sounded so queerballs.
What's happening to me?
Let me show you this arrangement
I've been working on.
I didn't know you were into this stuff.
Yeah.
Okay, I have the pitch pipe, and I say that
we focus on the set list as planned.
From now on, there will be no
more wasting time with work
or school or boyfriends or partners.
Sorry, Cynthia Rose.
But Aubrey, this stuff is
pretty cool. I mean...
Okay. Rehearsal tomorrow, 8:00 a.m. sharp.
Hey!
This is my track! You're playing
my song right now!
That is awesome! You like it?
You put it on the radio! That is amazing!
It's a sick beat.
Yeah, I always thought her
beats were pretty sick.
Hey, Becky, listen, spring break, I
want you to take the night shift.
Play your music.
The DJ at the Garage does a brilliant version
of this, but yours? It's better.
Yeah, it is.
I'm gonna listen to her tonight. I think
you should... You should come with.
I have a thing.
Flight attendant training?
It's Barden Bellas. I have
the semi-finals tonight.
Really? I did not have you pegged
as an a cappella girl.
That's 'cause you don't
know Becky like I do.
See you tonight.
Okay, don't you flat-butts
worry, I got this.
I'm just gonna pump and dump.
I don't care what you say.
Sisq live, best performance
ever, I've ever seen.
"Thong Song" isn't his only hit. Yeah.
All right? That's serious.
Yo, Bump, is that Fat Amy?
Donald, slow down! Slow down!
Yeah! All right!
Hey, Amy? Sabotage!
I've been shot.
I've just been shot! Help me.
Fat Amy!
They shot Amy!
I've got you. I've got you.
No, no, no. I'm talking, I'm
talking... I'm sitting up.
All right. Cool.
- There's no need for that.
No mouth to mouth.
Oh, shit. Bumper threw a
big-ass burrito at me.
I'm gonna kill him, I swear. I'm gonna
finish him like a cheesecake.
You've got yourself a little
something there.
Just leave it. It fuels my hate fire.
Oh, my God.
It's a... It's...
Oh.
What the hell?
Um... It's pretty cool, actually. I think
we're just running out of gas.
No, that can't be. You just filled the tank.
Yeah, I did.
And, yet, maybe I didn't, because
I got hit by flying Mexican food.
And we're out.
A-ca-scuse me?
A-ca-believe it.
Man, what are we gonna do?
Maybe we could call...
No, don't even say it, Chloe. How dare you?
Oh, no, actually that is a really good
idea. I've got Bumper's number.
Why do you have Bumper's number?
Uh...
So, Bellas,
what boring, estrogen-filled set have
you prepared for us this evening?
Excuse me?
But you guys are gonna get
pitch-slapped so hard
your man boobs are gonna concave.
Nine miles, guys.
That's pretty good.
I set fires to feel joy.
That's adorable.
Five minutes, Bellas.
Where did he come from? Shh!
It's over. There's no way we can beat
the Footnotes and the Trebles.
Whoo! That little peanut can sing.
He really can. It sounds to me, though, Gail,
like his boys haven't dropped yet,
if you know what I mean.
If you mean his testicles, then
I do, John. I do. I really do.
A-ca-huddle, now.
The top two teams go to the finals, so
we just have to beat one of them.
And if we do it exactly how we rehearsed
it, we will get there, okay? Exactly.
Hands in.
On three or after three?
Screw it. Let's just do it.
Put your hands together
for the Barden Bellas!
Okay, the Bellas are coming out.
Another step in this competition and...
One, two, three, four...
Here we go again.
Looks like they're sticking
with what they know.
A little tension on the stage tonight.
Claws are out.
This is just friendly collegiate fun.
It's a tough competition, but we're
all here to have a good time.
That's right, John. But a mistake can
haunt you for the rest of your life
and affect your children.
What the hell, Beca? Were you
trying to screw us up?
Are you serious?
Newsflash. This isn't the Beca show.
Okay, I'm sorry that I messed you up,
but in case you hadn't noticed, everybody
pretty much dozed off during our set.
It's not your job to decide what
we do and when we do it.
Why don't you ask the rest of the group how
they felt about your little improvisation?
Amy?
It was cool. But it did take
us a little bit by surprise.
Yeah, a lot by surprise.
A little.
I told you she wasn't a
Bella. Aubrey, don't.
No, that's okay. You don't have to pretend
you're allowed to have a
say in the group, right?
Your attitude sucks. You're
a grade-A pain in my ass,
and I know you're hooking up with Jesse.
Whoa. Whoa. Aubrey, calm down.
We're not hooking up, I swear.
Jesus Christ! That's perfect. Of
course you're here right now.
I don't need your help,
okay? Can you back off?
Trebles. Time to bring the pain.
If this is what I get for trying...
Beca? Beca, wait.
Aubrey, it actually went really well.
Chloe, stop!
Excuse me. Oh, my God. Okay.
Beca? Beca, wait.
And the Treblemakers seal the deal tonight.
Unfortunately, Barden's other group,
the Bellas, do not advance,
and senior Aubrey Posen loses her chance to
redeem herself from last year's Pukegate.
Happy spring break.
Thanks.
In the simplest terms, in the
most convenient definitions.
But what we found out is that
each one of us is a brain.
And an athlete.
And a basket case.
A princess.
And a criminal.
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
We are from the Collegiate
A Cappella Association.
It has come to our attention
that you are not in college.
Is this your mother?
This is Aubrey Posen.
Yes, thank you, sir.
I look forward to seeing you
again at Lincoln Center.
Yes!
Ah.
Aubrey?
I'm all in, bitches.
Okay. The a-ca-gods have looked down on us
and they have given us a second chance.
Shalom!
I texted Beca.
You did what?
She makes us better.
That's not an opinion for
you to have, Chloe.
Why? Because it's not yours?
You're not always right, you know.
We will win without her.
Jesse, I know you're in there.
I can smell popcorn.
Jesse, come on. Open up.
Hey. I tried to call you. I left
you a bunch of messages.
Yeah, I got them.
I'm sorry that we fought.
I was mad and I overreacted and I'm just...
Aubrey makes me crazy.
Seriously?
You think I'm mad because you yelled at me?
No, I know...
No, you don't. You think
you know, but you don't.
You push away anyone who could possibly
care about you. Why is that?
I don't know.
Well, you better figure it out
because I'm done with...
Whatever this is.
Jesse... I'm done.
Women.
Yeah.
Okay, stop.
What is happening to us?
Chloe, you sound like you
smoke three packs a day.
Stacie, you are so behind on choreography.
And Jessica and Ashley, it is like you
haven't been here all year long.
Aubrey, really?
We've literally been here the whole time.
Aubrey, please, just give us a break.
It's kind of not the same
without everyone here.
We need Beca.
Maybe if Aubrey loosened
the reins a little bit.
Okay, shut it, Chloe!
Whoa!
Oh, I'm sorry. That was rude.
Chloe, could you please get your head
out of your ass? It's not a hat.
A-ca-awkward.
Again.
No one was more surprised than me,
but I really liked those girls.
And you thought quitting was the answer?
Seriously? You can say that to me?
Oh, come on, Bec, that's so unfair.
Look, your mom and I, we didn't work.
But I tried so hard to make
things right between us.
But you, you just shut me out.
Yeah, well, I shut everybody out.
Don't take it personally.
It's just easier.
It's also really lonely.
What do I do?
Well, that's up to you.
Trebles, listen up!
If this is about the Bellas getting
into the finals, we already know.
I don't give a crap about
those dumb bitches.
Because I'm being brought up
to the musical big leagues.
What are you talking about?
John Mayer just asked me, personally,
through an assistant,
to sing backup on his new CD.
I leave for Los Angeles in a few
hours, so I gotta get going.
But Bumper, what about the ICCAs?
They're this weekend.
Hmm. Sorry, buddies, but I won that shit
like 100 times, so I'm out of here.
Got a collarless leather jacket
to buy. Maybe some aviators.
I might get an earring, I don't know.
It's Los Angeles. This is exciting
stuff. My life rules!
Bumper's a jerk. All right, I said it. Yeah.
Well, he's a jerk that we
need to replace. Yeah.
Pronto dente.
You know he writes his own fan mail.
Spot opened up, and it's
yours if you want it.
Just one condition. Promise
me you won't get all weird.
We're just a group of guys singing
a bunch of covers of songs, okay?
If you get weird, they will definitely
not let you stay.
Deal. Although I don't know
what you mean by weird.
Got it.
I have been there for you for so many years,
and all you do is treat me like...
All right, no, okay, just shut up! Everyone!
Come on, I joined this group so I could hang
out with a bunch of really cool chicks.
And also 'cause I was really
sick of all my boyfriends
and I need to get away from that.
But this is some serious horseshit.
What's that smell? Stinks everywhere.
I don't wanna be like the old Bellas.
Yeah, I wanna be how we are now.
Me, too.
We should have listened to Beca.
Oh, so it's my fault?
That's not what I'm saying.
No, no, no, that's what you're
all thinking, isn't it?
That I'm the jerk. I am the
girl obsessed with winning.
Aubrey, you're too controlling
and it's gonna ruin all of us.
You know what, I can lose
control if I want to.
I can let go. This time I'm
not gonna choke it down.
Hmm?
Come on, bring it! You can
do better than that!
That's all you got?
Enough! Enough!
We could have been champions!
Give me the pitch pipe, you bitch!
Give it to me!
Give it to me! Give it to me!
Never!
I'll protect you. I'll protect you.
Hands off the goodies!
Move, you bitches!
Guys!
Guys, stop! What is going on?
Nothing. Nothing. This
is a Bellas rehearsal.
I know. I just
wanted to say that I'm sorry.
What I did was a really dick move
and I shouldn't have changed the
set without asking you guys.
And I definitely shouldn't have left.
I let you guys down and I'm really sorry.
And...
Aubrey, if you would have
me, I want back in.
Aubrey.
Wait.
Thank you. That would have
been embarrassing.
Beca, I know that I've been
hard on you, okay?
I know that I have been
hard on everyone here.
But I am my father's daughter.
And he always said, "If at
first you don't succeed,
"pack your bags."
Jesus. That's really crazy.
I get it. Mine gets on me, too.
Not like that, but...
I guess we don't really know
that much about each other.
About most of you, really.
Well, I'll confess something that
none of you know about me.
I have a lot of sex.
Yeah, we know, Stacie.
Only 'cause I just told you.
This is a good idea.
That was a pretty bad example,
but this is a good idea.
Why don't we all go around the room,
and we can all say something about
ourselves that nobody else knows.
Okay, I got something.
This is hard for me to admit to you guys.
I think we all know where this
is going. Let's be honest.
Well, for the last two years,
I've had a serious
gambling problem.
What? What?
It started when I broke
up with my girlfriend.
Whoomp! There it is.
I still love you.
Anyone else?
I ate my twin in the womb.
What?
Okay.
Fat Amy?
I'm an open book.
I mean, for God's sake, you
guys all call me Fat Amy.
See, I guess I'm just not really living
if I'm not being 100 % honest.
And my real name is Fat Patricia.
What?
Okay. I've never been one of those girls
who had a lot of friends who
were girls. And I do now.
And that's pretty cool.
So, that's me. Someone else please go.
Okay.
Over spring break, I made the courageous
decision to remove my nodes.
I know. The doctor said that I
can't sing above a G-sharp,
maybe ever.
I thought the season was over.
It's okay. It's okay.
Beca, what do we do?
I'm sorry.
Maybe not here.
All right. Let's remix this business.
Aubrey, would you pick
a song for us, please?
Bruno Mars, Just The Way You Are.
Okay. Chloe, are you okay to take the lead?
Yeah.
Hands in.
One, two...
What was that?
I don't know, I've never
made that sound before.
Yo, but with your messed up vocal cords,
you could hit the bass notes.
Do you know what that means?
Yes, Lilly?
I think I have something
that can help us out.
Excuse me, bitch, you don't need to shout.
Okay, don't get mouthy.
Ah!
Welcome to the finals
of the 2012 International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
Lincoln Center is proud to welcome back
all of these young hopefuls tonight
who are hoping to win a trophy by
making music with their mouths.
This is gonna be a big night,
and I tell you, Gail,
if you can just shut your eyes.
- I'm doing it.
Shut your eyes and get rid
of all the a-ca-politics,
then you can remember that being at
Lincoln Center, in the Big Apple,
and singing on this storied stage is the
dream of every a cappella singer.
You said it, John.
The University of Virginia Hullabahoos,
Iadies and gentlemen.
There they are.
One, two, three, swag!
Welcome back to the International Championship
of Collegiate A Cappella.
This next group, they need no introduction,
but I'll do it anyway!
Hey.
Good luck.
Thanks. You, too.
...the Barden University Treblemakers!
Oh, the Trebles closing
it strong like always.
Absolutely tight. It's gonna be
very hard to beat that tonight.
Every other group has their work
cut out for them, John.
I'm glad it's not us anymore, Gail. Those
days are over, thank goodness.
Especially since they wouldn't have us back.
All right. How about that?
The Barden University Treblemakers.
I love you, awesome nerds.
Yeah, you guys are the best.
Even though some of you are pretty thin,
I think that you all have fat hearts,
and that's what matters.
Okay, let's just smash this. Okay?
Ladies and gentlemen, the Barden Bellas!
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Will you Iook at this?
Gone are those Bella uniforms and this
is a whole new Iook for them,
and it is hot, hot, hot.
John, these girls could turn me.
We love you, Bellas!
One, two, three, four.
Way to go, Beca!
What a show!
I think we have just seen some a cappella
history being made, John.
And from an all-female group, Gail.
I could never have called this one.
Never. Well, you are a misogynist at heart,
so there's no way you would have
bet on these girls to win.
Absolutely.
Weren't they incredible? Wow!
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give it
up again for the Barden Bellas!
Told you. Endings are the best part.
You're such a weirdo.
Listen up, a-ca-ballers.
I have been rejected by the Army, shoved
into a Dora the Explorer backpack,
and pushed into the girls' locker room
wearing nothing but suspenders.
But no matter. I am in
the world that I love.
And with the assistance of my boy, Justin...
My liege.
I launch this year's auditions.
Belly roll.
The most recent ICCA national champion
winners get to pick the audition song.
All right, nerds. Let's go with...
Because I have nodes.
Chloe, don't worry, it's just God punishing
you 'cause you're a ginger.