Player (2013) Movie Script
1
7 DAYS EARLIER
- Yes?
- Your clients are here.
I'll be right out.
Michael Helge here is
our finest tax attorney.
You won't find anyone better than him.
Well, you will, but they're in jail.
As I said, our research back to 2004
clearly indicates -
- that your fund is transparent, and so
only its earnings are subject to tax.
I don't quite follow.
It means
we just earned you a bundle.
With retrospective application
minus our fee of
That'll do for now.
Let's wrap this up, shall we?
- Maybe someone's already told you.
- Yes?
You've put on too little.
What?
Think hard,
and I'm sure you know what I mean.
You mean
Yes, you're understamped.
According to the new postal rates -
- a letter of that size and weight
requires a DKK 25 stamp.
Have a nice day.
Michael Helge, come in.
Whisky?
Water, please. I'm working.
Sure.
- You're going to the South of France.
- What have I done?
What do you mean?
Nothing at all.
It's a divorce case.
I don't know them.
They had their villa appraised at
DKK 20 million, the wife wants half
It's all in the file.
- Consider it a bonus holiday.
- Holiday? I can't.
You need to loosen up. You don't even
take off your tie in your spare time.
What spare time?
Go to the South of France
and get these two signatures -
- and try to loosen up down there.
When you return, we'll have a
reception where I make you a partner.
Let's kill two birds with one stone.
Get the last thing settled.
Propose to Lydia.
- It would be a smart move
- Very smart.
Because that would make it
tax-deductible.
Michael Helge
- Let's not tell Lydia.
- I can't keep anything from Lydia.
It's an order.
Will do.
Lydia, toots?
We agreed that pet names were a
degrading term for your friend/partner.
- It's disrespectful.
- Sure, pumpkin Lydia.
Did Dad say that reception had other
agendas than you becoming a partner?
No, he didn't.
No.
- I bet it's steaming hot in France.
- So buy a pair of shorts.
No shorts. I'm a grown man.
Sun and sand makes
my mood drop to 15%.
I bet it can rise to 25%
like when we were in Wales.
I hate the French. Five European
countries still practice the siesta.
They all have poor economies,
and France is one of those countries.
Do as Dad says. Go settle that
divorce, relax and come back home.
France Shit.
I'm a princess.
- Why can't kids grow up?
- Please put your bag on the band.
Passport, please.
- Hello? Hey there!
- Unbelievable!
Melge? Melge!
It's me, Theo the Man.
Let's shake, let's shake.
Let's shake Herlufsholm style.
Remember?
Hell!
Fuck, you're fat.
What's all this?
The girls gotta see this.
Hey, girls.
This is my old buddy.
We went to
Herlufsholm Boarding School.
We were roomies.
It's been 20 years. Man!
- I bet you do something awesome.
- I'm an attorney.
- A tax attorney.
- Seriously?
Congratulations, my good man.
How's the pussy factor?
- What?
- P-u-s-s-y. Does it get you any?
- Wanna go to a party?
- No.
Why not?
Let's reminisce about old times.
I'm here on business, and I don't have
time to meet and reminisce.
Please excuse me.
I'm waiting for my bag.
Melge.
Let's get outta here.
Do you guys know Basshunter?
He's cool.
"I know a boat. It's called Anna ..."
Can I help you?
I've had it!
- Winther Schmidt Host and Partners.
- Ouest.
Ouest.
I'll check.
French clown.
Any luggage?
Hello, Madame.
Hello, Monsieur.
Oh no.
Sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing.
You're Danish, and in trouble?
- I'm Marianne.
- Michael Helge Hansen.
- My wallet has been stolen.
- How awful. You feel almost naked.
- I can't accept that.
- Tips go a long way down here.
I've booked a table on the terrace
tonight. Join me for dinner?
It's extremely generous of you
to lend me money.
- You'll get it back with interest.
- You must think me awful.
- What?
- Picking up strangers in a hotel.
No, not at all.
- I don't do it every day.
- Of course not.
- No wine?
- I don't like to lose control.
Not that I don't enjoy
a nice glass of wine.
I've enjoyed several over the years.
Well, I think you should enjoy
a nice glass of wine with me -
- to show your gratitude.
Monsieur. Fill it up.
You look like you need to
Oh, what's the Danish word for it?
Loosen up a little.
What could happen?
We're in the South of France.
- Well
- Cheers.
Nice.
Wow.
FANTASTIC NIGH MIAW
- Hello Hi, Lydia.
- Are you still in bed?
- No, I've been up for hours.
- Have you caught a cold?
I'm just a little winded
from doing push-ups.
I'm gonna hang up now.
Bye.
- You're the attorney?
- Yes. Michael Helge Hansen.
Was it a rough night?
A little unga bunga at la chunga?
- Not at all. It's the heat.
- Great though, isn't it? Sit down.
I've ordered us some lunch.
Rose and oysters.
- Thanks, but I don't drink wine.
- They serve the best oysters here.
Cheers.
And welcome to the South of France.
As you know,
my wife and I are getting a divorce.
It's not to my liking,
but she seems determined.
I've had the agents look at our villa,
and the appraisal is DKK 20 million.
So my wife stands to get 10 million.
There she is.
The attorney is here.
- Marianne.
- Michael Helge Hansen.
Here comes the seafood. Oysters,
sea snails, crab claws, big prawns.
Help yourself,
as we say in France.
We have a little paperwork
to get through.
I need both of you to sign these three
documents. Bottom right-hand corner.
Are you enjoying yourself
down here?
You will get my signature
as soon as -
- my firm's bank has confirmed
the agreement-
- that you have transferred the money
to your sex wife ex-wife's account.
Hang on. We were supposed to settle
this once and for all at this meeting.
It's a matter of procedure. Everything
will be settled in a couple of days.
Look, I've transferred 10 million
to my wife's account.
You know French banks.
It may take several weeks before she
gets the money. I need a guarantee.
- Calm down, Bob.
- No.
We're here because you've got it into
your head that you want a divorce.
And now we have to waste
our time on procedure -
- because they sent a trainee.
You're not authorized to do anything.
Or do you want me
to contact Winther Schmidt?
One call,
and he'll solve this issue on the spot.
Absolutely not.
I've decided to deviate
from my principles.
I'm choosing to sign this.
That means
that within an hour or so -
- the money will be
in your ex-wife's account.
I'm afraid I'll have to pass
on the seafood.
Thank you for an orderly meeting.
I'm extremely busy.
- I have to push on.
- Bye.
- There's a
- Thank you.
Hi, Lydia.
- I'm on my way home.
- Why?
I know your dad wants me to stay,
but I've had it.
- Hang on.
- Is anything wrong?
- I'm back.
- Don't you know how to relax?
- Sure I do.
- You sound so
Let's do that giant puzzle
when I come home.
- Monsieur!
- Call you back, pumpkin.
Yes, Winther?
Hello, Dad.
- Have you got a handle on it?
- Everything's just fine.
- You talked to our French bank?
- Correct.
The situation is this -
- that we've contacted
our French bank -
- to use their credit facilities to pay
Marianne La Cour her DKK 10 million.
The money's been paid, but the bank
has no knowledge of any La Cour.
So our French bank hasn't
been able to verify -
- Bob La Cour's account details?
No, so the firm is missing
10 million.
Our French bank can't verify
Bob La Cour's account numbers'?
- No, we're missing 10 million.
- That's some pickle.
But luckily
I'm right here on a beach -
- with Marianne La Cour and Bob.
I'll talk to them right away
and get to the bottom of this.
- I need your Porsche.
- Sorry, and you are?
- Theo, I need a car.
- Oh, Melge. Hello.
I'm in the middle of a business
meeting with two new colleagues
- Louise and...
- Sille.
I don't have time to reminisce
with you, so please leave.
Theo
I may have lost 10 million.
But I've got an address.
Theo.
Let's shake Herlufsholm style.
I thought you had a Porsche.
The scooter's making a din.
Come again?
I thought you had a Porsche.
- This is it.
- Here?
This is Chemin de le Bouillidou.
It's a DKK 20 million villa.
But you don't give a damn.
- Can I see the photo?
- Sure.
- Somethings missing.
- Oh no.
Hell no!
20 million seems a tad overpriced
unless the chickens are included.
- That's him!
- Who?
The guy from the airport!
He stole my wallet!
They planned it right from the start.
My wallet got stolen at the airport.
Marianne La Cour waited for me
at the hotel and raped me.
- You can't rape guys.
- She seduced me.
I was putty in her hands
and willing to sign anything.
You've been hustled.
At least you got some pussy.
Stop using that word.
- Call your boss.
- I can't.
- Why not?
- Because I'm marrying his daughter.
And I can't say pussy?
- So call the police.
- I don't want the police involved.
You fucked around and lost 10 million.
What's on for the rest of day?
- You just have to get it back.
- Yes.
I'm gonna get us a ride.
We had some great weekends
at Herluf.
We were the only ones who didn't
get to go home on weekends.
We were friends too.
- Great! There's Francois.
- I told you not to call the police.
Leave it to me.
- You know him?
- Sure.
Hello.
You had a candy shop?
- Why are you giving him money?
- Don't you pay the cabs back home?
- Now what?
- Now
- I'm gonna find
- You need to borrow some clothes.
- Sure.
- And you can crash at my place.
Great idea.
- On two conditions.
- Yes?
When we hook up with the ladies,
you take the hand grenade.
- I take the hand grenade.
- You take the cockblocker.
- I take the cockblocker.
- You don't get it, do you?
The hand grenade or cockblocker is
the girl who says: We've gotta go now.
- You take her.
- I take her, sure.
Other than that,
just help out on the boat.
Thanks for the clothes.
It looks great on you.
Turn around.
Here.
I think that color suits you.
You look like a young yuppie.
- This is the life, huh?
- It's very hot.
This is the wild west for millionaires.
Corruption -
- unregistered cars,
tax fugitives
- What?
- Not out of need. For the heck of it.
- Oh no.
- I've asked around.
Some of the local hustlers might know
where Bob and Marianne are.
- Hustlers? What is your profession?
- I play.
Oh right. Tattoos and shades.
You're a rock musician.
- No, I play cards. Poker.
- You're a gambler?
Great.
Just a second.
Hey, Marseilles.
- Who was that?
- The medicine man.
Ding dong.
Where's the doorbell on a boat?
- You didn't see it?
- You have a doorbell?
You're such an airhead.
Hi, Sille.
- Louise. Thanks for inviting us.
- Meet my old Herlufsholm buddy.
Hello again.
You need a hug.
- Hello again.
- Hello. Michael Helge Hansen.
- Did you find your 10 million?
- No.
- Girls, you like Jagerbombs?
- Sure!
- Cheers.
- This is great.
- Bomb cheers.
- You don't drink?
- No, I get a headache.
- Tell me about it.
Melge, man up.
This is awesome.
We've got two great girls over.
You're off work, and I'm smoking!
Excuse me for not being in the mood,
but I just lost 10 million.
That is a bum way to start the day.
- Hey, let's get a bet going.
- What about?
I bet you want to see the water bed.
You do?
You won!
Congrats!
Let's go see the water bed.
Melge, you take
the you-know-what.
Come along.
Well
Great party, huh?
Cheers.
Cheers.
So you're boarding-school buddies,
you and Theo?
Yes, we both went to Herlufsholm.
For three years.
- Sille is my cousin.
- I see.
Don't be alarmed,
but you've got a pony on your ass.
Like it?
I call it Fanny.
Hey, Melge!
Got a handle on the hand grenade?
Excuse me.
I'm just gonna wait here.
- They were fucking down there?
- No, I didn't get that impression.
Oh no.
That's so Sille.
Look, I'm
I'm gonna go back to the hotel.
Sure, it's late.
- I'll help you disembark.
- Okay, thanks.
He's in bed with a girl.
You're Danish?
- Dad?
- Yes.
- Who's the jerk?
- Hello there.
Man What's up?
I'm so glad to see you, buddy.
This is Dad's good friend,
Michael Helge, from boarding school.
- Philip.
- Michael Helge Hansen.
- Can I have pancakes?
- Yes! Fucking great idea.
- You're a drug addict.
- Chill out.
I do the odd line.
And a couple more for good measure.
It doesn't do the kid any harm.
It's just like having a dad
with jet lag. We've both tried that.
- I think it's irresponsible.
- Good thing you're babysitting today.
Me? I don't know anything about kids,
and they don't interest me at all.
I have some errands. Don't you want
me to check up on Bob and Marianne?
- Here come the pancakes.
- Thanks.
Who's this?
A police officer.
Hello, hello.
You're under arrest.
Theo?
Did I just wake up or ...?
I'm right here.
Good morning. Get any sleep?
- Dad, can I have some sugar?
- You have a son?
- Sure.
- Funny!
- Isn't it? That's him over there.
- Dad, can I have some sugar, please?
Listen up.
I bet each of you 10 euro
that's Marseilles.
Yes, and it was Marseilles.
I'm off.
See you in a couple of hours.
You want sugar.
Sugar, sugar
He's only got icing sugar.
We'll just have to make do.
Jam?
Thanks.
Good?
Want some for dunking?
Thanks.
I'm sure the two of us are gonna
have a nice and quiet day together.
Watch out!
Hey.
Look, Monet's water lilies.
Philip!
Wait, Monsieur.
Hey.
Great to see you here.
Have you seen
a little wound-up blond boy?
I just passed a boy chucking bottles
at the pigeons and shouting "partey!".
- This way?
- Yes.
Partey!
Run!
Release the line.
Run against the wind.
Yes, that's it.
It's pretty here.
Quite nice.
It's okay.
It'll do.
Hey, girls.
I've got some bad news
and some good news.
And more good news on top of that.
Here's the bad news:
Bob and Marianne are gone.
But the good news is that
I know how to get your money back.
Okay?
And the other good news?
The other good news is
that you can lend me DKK 2 million.
Say what?
You want me to use all my savings
on entering you into a poker game.
- Are you mad?
- I haven't got that kind of money.
- Do you know the odds?
- It's what I do.
I'll get your 10 million back,
so you can go home.
I didn't fuck around
and get hustled.
No, you're too busy sniffing
cocaine off a butt horse.
- It's a pony, and it's called Fanny.
- Precisely.
It's a closed game
for stupid rich tourists.
Just get me the buy-in
and leave the rest to me.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime game!
- Just like that Jelling comet
- Halley's.
- That only appears every 7th
- 76th year.
Exactly!
That's the kind of game it is.
Look... You've got the dough,
I've got the talent.
- There must be an easier way.
- Call your father-in-law.
- Oh no.
- I'm so stoked!
- This is great! I'm gonna do a line.
- To celebrate.
To celebrate what?
That we're doing a line.
You already lost 10 million.
Have you got a choice?
I guess not.
Okay.
Hello, Ole.
This is Michael Helge Hansen.
Sorry to call you after hours.
It's about my pension fund.
I'd like you to transfer the money
to a French account.
Alright.
Serve the lobster!
Need help with that?
It's going to attack me now.
To get its revenge.
Ugly or not, they're cute.
Just like kids.
I don't really like cooking
Morten and Peter.
You named them?
Well, in that case
we just can't kill them.
- No.
- Tell you what Let's release them.
- No.
- Yes.
- We can't.
- Sure we can. Let's do it.
- What about dinner?
- We'll think of something.
- Voil. Canned crab.
- They think they're having lobster.
- What are they gonna say?
- Nothing. They won't notice a thing.
Some blind tasting.
Alright!
This is delish!
Melge, it's fantastic.
- Pasta, pesto, the lobster
- The lobster is great.
Awesome.
What a great idea to grate it.
It was great, Melge.
Delish.
- Sure.
- Melge!
- It's my entire life savings.
- Congrats! We're in.
- What if we lose?
- We won't.
- But what if we lose?
- We won't, because I know my shit.
How do you think I won this boat?
Chill out. Have a drink.
Everything's gonna be okay.
You'll get your millions back soon.
Hey, let's all go skinny dipping.
Without any clothes.
No way.
- Way!
- I'm game.
Go!
Good morning, Louise.
A cup of morning coffee for you.
Good morning, Michael Helge.
- Did they get any sleep at all?
- No.
They did this skinny theme all night.
When I went to bed, they'd just
started their "skinny rose' relay".
"Skinny rose' relay"?
The last thing I heard
was Theo shouting "skinny limbo".
Come swimming with Dad!
Come on, buddy!
- Coming.
- Alright!
- You're not going in?
- No.
I can't swim.
- But you can dog-paddle.
- No.
- I can teach you to swim.
- Why would you teach me to swim?
Well, if you stay on a boat
for several days
That wasn't part of the plan.
Everything's gone haywire down here.
One catastrophe after the other.
Fine.
I'm sorry.
Not everything's been bad.
What do you mean?
I mean
Maybe you should teach me to swim.
We could start by dipping our toes.
That's a deal, Michael Helge.
Mom!
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Mom.
Hi. Who are you?
Are you on coke again?
I demand to know.
I'm not on anything.
I was doing swim practice.
You're splashing about with
a porno doll with a horse on her ass.
It's a pony called Fanny. Sille's got
a great attitude to ass Forget it.
You are on something,
and I won't let you see Philip.
I'm not on anything.
It's as simple as that.
That's not mine.
- Are you gonna search the boat?
- Yes.
You won't find anything.
A towel hasn't got pockets.
If you want to make out, just say so.
Oh, give me a break.
If I find any coke,
I'll never let you see him again.
- Got all your Lego?
- Yes.
- This is for you.
- What is it?
- I sent it twice. You never replied.
- By mail? I never got it.
- Just take it.
- Is it important?
You'd better talk to my attorney then.
Melge!
- This is my attorney. Read this.
- That's your attorney?
Excuse the get-up. Michael Helge,
Winther Schmidt Heist and Partners.
And that's your accountant, and the
girl with the fish is your bank lady?
Impressive line-up, Theo.
- Have a great party. Let's go.
- Philip
- Ready?
- In a minute.
I love having you over on weekends.
You know that, don't you?
See you.
Take good care of Mom.
Grown-up time! Sille, you're in
for a life-changing moment now.
Great! Do I need to wear my goggles?
Let me show you why diving sucks.
Look closely.
Oh no!
Theo!
Goddamn!
- Why didn't you respond?
- Who the fuck reads all their mail?
- Normal people do.
- It's such a fucking drag.
- Are you okay?
- No. That dive gave me a rash.
- Let's go below. I'll kiss it better.
- Let's!
- I meant the papers.
- Theo's ex is suing for full custody.
- It's not gonna happen.
- You live on a boat.
You don't have a legitimate income.
You snort cocaine.
- You're gonna lose custody like that.
- And Sophia drives a station wagon.
A Volvo station wagon.
- So give her custody. Who cares?
- Who cares?
All it means is she has the number
to the dentist and the school login.
She wants to move to Denmark.
You'll lose contact with Philip.
- She can't.
- But she will.
What do you want me to do?
Good morning, girls.
- Coffee?
- Good morning.
Well?
- Did you have it off up here?
- No. He's been preparing your case.
Great!
But bummer too, huh?
- I won't lie to you. It looks bad.
- Oh?
I'll talk to the attorney. But you have
to shut up and do as I say.
- Sure.
- Good. Prepare for a day on my turf.
Dad! I didn't know
I was gonna see you today.
Sophia.
We'll be right out.
You can't do that!
I've been offered a job in Denmark,
and I intend to take Philip with me.
- You know I can't go back.
- Why did you snort out your brain?
Take two.
- Anything wrong, Dad?
- No. Dad just needs some air.
We're all done in five minutes.
- They want you to do a urine test.
- Why?
You're on cocaine.
The doctor's coming.
- But I can't!
- Face the music.
Do the test,
and I'll deal with the results. Okay?
Philip
Think you can pee for Dad?
Give me those papers.
But that can't be!
They had you up against the wall.
It was the only way out.
Sorry.
I thought it was icing sugar.
What kind of idiot keeps coke
in a sugar bowl?
I guess rehab is a good idea.
When do I start?
- The day after tomorrow.
- But I can't.
What is more important than your son?
- That poker game.
- No.
You're going to rehab
or you lose Philip.
- I have to be at that poker game.
- We need to get the buy-in back.
You can't get it back.
It's not like renting a holiday home.
We spent that money
on an exclusive, illegal poker game.
We spent my savings Illegal?
I knew it was a bad idea.
It's my entire life's savings.
I've lost everything.
I was going to become a partner.
Those savings were meant
to sweeten my third age.
Michael Helge,
let's get on with the swim practice.
Why don't you do something more
worthwhile than traveling the world -
- teaching strangers to swim?
Talking them into using their entire
life's savings on a dumb poker game!
You seriously believe there's a future
in bumming around like a bimbo?
I only talked to you because Theo
told me to take the hand grenade.
- The cockadoodleblocker!
- Just the cockblocker.
Sille, let's go.
- Sille?! You don't have to go.
- I have to take care of this.
Sille, we've got a thing going on,
the three of us.
Me, Fanny and you.
Wait up, Louise.
Thanks for shit-all.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- It's just an ugly old briefcase.
- It was a graduating gift from my dad.
- Two years after the fact. By mail.
Your dad never saw you
because he loved his work more.
Damn, Melge!
Sorry.
I'm sorry too.
Let's shake Herlufsholm style.
- So, did you nail Louise?
- No.
You don't drink, don't fuck.
Are you even alive?
You think I should live on a boat
and snort cocaine like you?
I strongly dissuade you
from the latter.
- You don't get tired of it.
- So it's good you're going to rehab.
- Only the timing's a bit
- Fucked.
It's a bit fucked.
- Why didn't you nail her?
- I don't want to cheat on Lydia
- Hey, you nailed Marianne.
- Again.
- Anyway, it's a stupid gamble.
- So you did the math?
I compared my relationship to Lydia
to utterly meaningless sex.
Meaningless sex.
There's no such thing.
It turned out 80-85% in Lydia's favor.
- Louise's odds were just too bad.
- Odds?
A lawyer needs to keep a cool head.
- What?
- I've got an idea.
I want to keep my son, and you want
to do jigsaws with the boss' daughter.
You're gonna take my place
at the game. It's our only way out.
Let's do it!
The game is called
No Limits Texas Hold'em.
Hold'em for short.
- Two kings is good, isn't it?
- Don't show me.
I'm gonna smurf slap you
for every dumb move.
- Now for the flop.
- Not very motivating.
It's called the op.
And now for the turn card.
- Bet again.
- The five of spades clears the table.
Bonjour. Mademoiselle...
Everyone's got a tell. They do
something when they're insecure.
Inexperienced gamblers
hold their breath when they bluff.
People with a strong hand look at their
chips to see how much they can bet.
You can provoke their insecurity
by saying something to rattle them.
- Fold.
- Be aggressive.
- I hate that smurf!
- You've folded 14 times straight.
If you keep folding, they'll know
you've got zilch. You have to pretend.
- I'm no good at lying.
- It's not lying, it's bluffing.
From the top.
- You'll know I'm bluffing now.
- Let's just do it one more time.
- What?
- You look epileptic when you bluff.
- Who says I'm bluffing?
- Your eyes do.
Every muscle in your face does.
- What's up with this?
- This game was your idea.
I never saw anything like it.
What the hell is that?
We need someone on the oor.
Someone to feed you
tricks and pointers.
- No.
- But why?
- I said I won't do it.
- But
No!
Get lost.
You talk to her.
Why don't we ask Sille?
Sille's got other talents.
Oh, so both Jerk 1
and Jerk 2 are here? Great.
I wouldn't ask
unless I really needed your help.
I'd like to apologize for what I said.
It was stupid of me.
It was offensive and bad form.
I said it because I was under pressure,
and I took it out on you.
And that wasn't fair at all.
You've only ever been nice to me.
No one ever offered
to teach me to swim before.
And you're not a cockblocker.
But I don't blame you.
It's okay.
- Well?
- No. Nothing doing.
You're kidding.
Hey, wait.
- I'll help you.
- Yes!
As long as it's not really lame.
It's not.
It's really simple.
Can you hide this mike
between your boobs?
Theo.
- Hello, hello.
- Shove your face down her boobs.
Closer.
- One, two, three, testing.
- Louder.
Sing something so I can tune it.
- You have to sing something.
- No way.
This is bordering on obscene behavior
in public, and that's an of fence.
I won't answer for the consequences.
And I haven't sung since school.
Just sing.
Listen.
I think we're ready for tomorrow.
So, high roller, ready?
Fuck me!
Fuck, you look great.
- Nervous?
- A little or rather a whole lot.
You'll be okay.
I'm gonna be in your ear all the time.
You're a player now.
I'm proud of you.
Good old Melge's back.
I'm proud of you too
for going to rehab.
- You mean that?
- Yes.
No
Alright!
See you, Melge.
- You look great.
- Thanks. Let's go.
Mr. and Mrs. High Roller
don't drive a scooter.
No, we're gonna arrive in style.
I've got an idea.
- How did you get it started?
- I learnt a few tricks at Herlufsholm.
- Nervous?
- Not the slightest.
I just need to win 10 million.
- You always carry that around?
- Yes.
- It makes me feel safe.
- Like a teddy bear.
No, I need it to carry home
my 10 million.
This is so illegal. How do you
think they declare the money?
- I don't think
- It was a joke.
- I don't believe it.
- You'?
How can anyone be like you?
So immoral?
So utterly devoid of any moral?
How can anyone care so little
about other people?
Let's go.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- They hustled me! Bob and Marianne.
But do you want to be chucked out
for hitting your opponents?
You can still bow out.
It's not too late.
Oh no. I bought a seat at this table
just like you.
Only difference is
I paid for it myself.
Hello.
- Theo.
- Fuck, this is exciting!
- Marianne is facing him at the table.
- Marianne as in Bob and Marianne?
Tell him to raise her
every time he has a good hand.
He keeps folding.
I told him a hundred times
not to keep folding.
He's gotta raise and bluff
now and then.
Three have left the game.
Theo.
It's just him and Marianne now.
Great. But she's way ahead of him, so he
has to rattle her to stand a chance.
Please excuse my absentmindedness.
I was just remembering -
- our night together, Marianne.
You have a lovely wife, Bob.
I was just thinking I've slept
with your wife. As in had sex with.
All night long.
Wonderful sex
with your wife all night long.
Over and over and over
and one more time for good measure.
- Sorry, but we never fucked.
- Oh yes, we did.
You got very, very drunk
and passed out on the bed.
What about my underwear
and the lipstick?
Bluff.
So I could've called the police?
And Lydia?
And Winther Schmidt?
But you didn't,
did you, Michael Helge?
- Michael Helge, wait.
- I've lost everything!
I'm so stupid.
I never do anything right!
- I'm so stupid!
- No, you're not.
I really like you.
But sometimes
I know what you mean.
Good.
Do what you're good at.
Think of the poker table
as a courtroom.
Keep a cool head.
Stay in control.
Yes.
- Are you ready to win 10 million?
- Yes.
Miss Moniepennie...
Louise?
Everyone's got a tell. Everyone does
something when they're insecure.
I don't do this every day.
Calm down, Bob.
You win on a sorry pair of five?
We won! We won!
Bob.
We're off.
Where's the briefcase?
Where's Bob and Marianne?
- Now what?
- Just smile.
Bob, Marianne Bonjour.
What have you got here?
- How come he knows our names?
- Beats me.
- Just take a wad and let us move on.
- How's it looking behind us?
- What's that?
- Oh no.
How is Theo's dear friend?
- Thanks for the ride.
- It's the least I could do.
I'd better go to the boat and pack,
so I can go home.
It would be nice, if you stayed on.
Sille and I are still on holiday.
I never taught you to swim.
You could teach me to play poker.
No, I've played enough poker for now.
Well bye now.
- Take care.
- You too.
Thanks.
Michael Helge, it's dad.
I just talked to the French bank.
We're getting the 10 million back.
Have a safe flight and see you
at the reception, Michael Helge.
I'm marrying someone else.
There you are.
You look a mess!
The entire office is waiting for you.
There you are.
Good to see you, Michael Helge.
Thanks, darling.
May I have your attention, please?
As you see, Michael Helge
has returned from la France.
Let's not waste any more time,
but go straight to a toast-
- to welcome Michael Helge as
Winther Schmidt Host's new partner.
Thanks, Jorgen.
Thank you, everyone.
Lydia
This is a big decision.
Sure, you can work out the odds
for it being the right decision -
- but life is the unknown factor.
It takes you by surprise.
It sweeps you off your feet.
- So, Lydia
- Yes! Yes, I'll marry you.
Of course she will.
Congratulations, my dear girl.
And welcome to the family.
Stop, stop, stop.
I can't, Lydia.
I can't marry you.
Is it a sunset or flowers?
I can't tell.
Or is it 3D, so you need ...?
Beats me.
One more.
You do know that
"the bot Anna" isn't a boat, don't you?
Sure it is.
He sings "the boat Anna".
"I know a boat. It's called Anna ..."
It's the best song in the world.
No, it's a bot, a chat robot.
He's singing about his chat robot.
- I couldn't find the doorbell.
- What the fuck? Melge!
Come here, Melge.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
- Look!
- Hi. Good to see you.
- You too. Hi there, Philip.
- Hi, Melge.
Where's ...?
Hi.
Hi.
So the candy shop's closed?
No more Snow White?
No more icing on the cake?
No more snow on the Christmas tree?
Philip can stay here with me
as long as I stay off-
- the icing on the Christmas tree.
What made you come back?
I realized I'd forgotten two things.
What did you forget?
My briefcase.
And I'd forgotten myself.
We'll find the briefcase tomorrow.
Let's take the old boat
for a spin, shall we?
Dad, can I sail her back?
- Let's sail Anna together.
- Isn't she called "The Boat Anna"?
No, the bot Anna is a chat robot.
That's what Basshunter sings about.
No, this is a boat,
and she's just called Anna.
Named after auntie Anna
who you never met.
Hey, that's Francois.
Hey there.
Bonjour, girls.
Later, dude.
- Hell, yeah!
- Last man in is a boring attorney.
You're so easy.
I am an attorney.
Coming.
Dansk Video Tekst
7 DAYS EARLIER
- Yes?
- Your clients are here.
I'll be right out.
Michael Helge here is
our finest tax attorney.
You won't find anyone better than him.
Well, you will, but they're in jail.
As I said, our research back to 2004
clearly indicates -
- that your fund is transparent, and so
only its earnings are subject to tax.
I don't quite follow.
It means
we just earned you a bundle.
With retrospective application
minus our fee of
That'll do for now.
Let's wrap this up, shall we?
- Maybe someone's already told you.
- Yes?
You've put on too little.
What?
Think hard,
and I'm sure you know what I mean.
You mean
Yes, you're understamped.
According to the new postal rates -
- a letter of that size and weight
requires a DKK 25 stamp.
Have a nice day.
Michael Helge, come in.
Whisky?
Water, please. I'm working.
Sure.
- You're going to the South of France.
- What have I done?
What do you mean?
Nothing at all.
It's a divorce case.
I don't know them.
They had their villa appraised at
DKK 20 million, the wife wants half
It's all in the file.
- Consider it a bonus holiday.
- Holiday? I can't.
You need to loosen up. You don't even
take off your tie in your spare time.
What spare time?
Go to the South of France
and get these two signatures -
- and try to loosen up down there.
When you return, we'll have a
reception where I make you a partner.
Let's kill two birds with one stone.
Get the last thing settled.
Propose to Lydia.
- It would be a smart move
- Very smart.
Because that would make it
tax-deductible.
Michael Helge
- Let's not tell Lydia.
- I can't keep anything from Lydia.
It's an order.
Will do.
Lydia, toots?
We agreed that pet names were a
degrading term for your friend/partner.
- It's disrespectful.
- Sure, pumpkin Lydia.
Did Dad say that reception had other
agendas than you becoming a partner?
No, he didn't.
No.
- I bet it's steaming hot in France.
- So buy a pair of shorts.
No shorts. I'm a grown man.
Sun and sand makes
my mood drop to 15%.
I bet it can rise to 25%
like when we were in Wales.
I hate the French. Five European
countries still practice the siesta.
They all have poor economies,
and France is one of those countries.
Do as Dad says. Go settle that
divorce, relax and come back home.
France Shit.
I'm a princess.
- Why can't kids grow up?
- Please put your bag on the band.
Passport, please.
- Hello? Hey there!
- Unbelievable!
Melge? Melge!
It's me, Theo the Man.
Let's shake, let's shake.
Let's shake Herlufsholm style.
Remember?
Hell!
Fuck, you're fat.
What's all this?
The girls gotta see this.
Hey, girls.
This is my old buddy.
We went to
Herlufsholm Boarding School.
We were roomies.
It's been 20 years. Man!
- I bet you do something awesome.
- I'm an attorney.
- A tax attorney.
- Seriously?
Congratulations, my good man.
How's the pussy factor?
- What?
- P-u-s-s-y. Does it get you any?
- Wanna go to a party?
- No.
Why not?
Let's reminisce about old times.
I'm here on business, and I don't have
time to meet and reminisce.
Please excuse me.
I'm waiting for my bag.
Melge.
Let's get outta here.
Do you guys know Basshunter?
He's cool.
"I know a boat. It's called Anna ..."
Can I help you?
I've had it!
- Winther Schmidt Host and Partners.
- Ouest.
Ouest.
I'll check.
French clown.
Any luggage?
Hello, Madame.
Hello, Monsieur.
Oh no.
Sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing.
You're Danish, and in trouble?
- I'm Marianne.
- Michael Helge Hansen.
- My wallet has been stolen.
- How awful. You feel almost naked.
- I can't accept that.
- Tips go a long way down here.
I've booked a table on the terrace
tonight. Join me for dinner?
It's extremely generous of you
to lend me money.
- You'll get it back with interest.
- You must think me awful.
- What?
- Picking up strangers in a hotel.
No, not at all.
- I don't do it every day.
- Of course not.
- No wine?
- I don't like to lose control.
Not that I don't enjoy
a nice glass of wine.
I've enjoyed several over the years.
Well, I think you should enjoy
a nice glass of wine with me -
- to show your gratitude.
Monsieur. Fill it up.
You look like you need to
Oh, what's the Danish word for it?
Loosen up a little.
What could happen?
We're in the South of France.
- Well
- Cheers.
Nice.
Wow.
FANTASTIC NIGH MIAW
- Hello Hi, Lydia.
- Are you still in bed?
- No, I've been up for hours.
- Have you caught a cold?
I'm just a little winded
from doing push-ups.
I'm gonna hang up now.
Bye.
- You're the attorney?
- Yes. Michael Helge Hansen.
Was it a rough night?
A little unga bunga at la chunga?
- Not at all. It's the heat.
- Great though, isn't it? Sit down.
I've ordered us some lunch.
Rose and oysters.
- Thanks, but I don't drink wine.
- They serve the best oysters here.
Cheers.
And welcome to the South of France.
As you know,
my wife and I are getting a divorce.
It's not to my liking,
but she seems determined.
I've had the agents look at our villa,
and the appraisal is DKK 20 million.
So my wife stands to get 10 million.
There she is.
The attorney is here.
- Marianne.
- Michael Helge Hansen.
Here comes the seafood. Oysters,
sea snails, crab claws, big prawns.
Help yourself,
as we say in France.
We have a little paperwork
to get through.
I need both of you to sign these three
documents. Bottom right-hand corner.
Are you enjoying yourself
down here?
You will get my signature
as soon as -
- my firm's bank has confirmed
the agreement-
- that you have transferred the money
to your sex wife ex-wife's account.
Hang on. We were supposed to settle
this once and for all at this meeting.
It's a matter of procedure. Everything
will be settled in a couple of days.
Look, I've transferred 10 million
to my wife's account.
You know French banks.
It may take several weeks before she
gets the money. I need a guarantee.
- Calm down, Bob.
- No.
We're here because you've got it into
your head that you want a divorce.
And now we have to waste
our time on procedure -
- because they sent a trainee.
You're not authorized to do anything.
Or do you want me
to contact Winther Schmidt?
One call,
and he'll solve this issue on the spot.
Absolutely not.
I've decided to deviate
from my principles.
I'm choosing to sign this.
That means
that within an hour or so -
- the money will be
in your ex-wife's account.
I'm afraid I'll have to pass
on the seafood.
Thank you for an orderly meeting.
I'm extremely busy.
- I have to push on.
- Bye.
- There's a
- Thank you.
Hi, Lydia.
- I'm on my way home.
- Why?
I know your dad wants me to stay,
but I've had it.
- Hang on.
- Is anything wrong?
- I'm back.
- Don't you know how to relax?
- Sure I do.
- You sound so
Let's do that giant puzzle
when I come home.
- Monsieur!
- Call you back, pumpkin.
Yes, Winther?
Hello, Dad.
- Have you got a handle on it?
- Everything's just fine.
- You talked to our French bank?
- Correct.
The situation is this -
- that we've contacted
our French bank -
- to use their credit facilities to pay
Marianne La Cour her DKK 10 million.
The money's been paid, but the bank
has no knowledge of any La Cour.
So our French bank hasn't
been able to verify -
- Bob La Cour's account details?
No, so the firm is missing
10 million.
Our French bank can't verify
Bob La Cour's account numbers'?
- No, we're missing 10 million.
- That's some pickle.
But luckily
I'm right here on a beach -
- with Marianne La Cour and Bob.
I'll talk to them right away
and get to the bottom of this.
- I need your Porsche.
- Sorry, and you are?
- Theo, I need a car.
- Oh, Melge. Hello.
I'm in the middle of a business
meeting with two new colleagues
- Louise and...
- Sille.
I don't have time to reminisce
with you, so please leave.
Theo
I may have lost 10 million.
But I've got an address.
Theo.
Let's shake Herlufsholm style.
I thought you had a Porsche.
The scooter's making a din.
Come again?
I thought you had a Porsche.
- This is it.
- Here?
This is Chemin de le Bouillidou.
It's a DKK 20 million villa.
But you don't give a damn.
- Can I see the photo?
- Sure.
- Somethings missing.
- Oh no.
Hell no!
20 million seems a tad overpriced
unless the chickens are included.
- That's him!
- Who?
The guy from the airport!
He stole my wallet!
They planned it right from the start.
My wallet got stolen at the airport.
Marianne La Cour waited for me
at the hotel and raped me.
- You can't rape guys.
- She seduced me.
I was putty in her hands
and willing to sign anything.
You've been hustled.
At least you got some pussy.
Stop using that word.
- Call your boss.
- I can't.
- Why not?
- Because I'm marrying his daughter.
And I can't say pussy?
- So call the police.
- I don't want the police involved.
You fucked around and lost 10 million.
What's on for the rest of day?
- You just have to get it back.
- Yes.
I'm gonna get us a ride.
We had some great weekends
at Herluf.
We were the only ones who didn't
get to go home on weekends.
We were friends too.
- Great! There's Francois.
- I told you not to call the police.
Leave it to me.
- You know him?
- Sure.
Hello.
You had a candy shop?
- Why are you giving him money?
- Don't you pay the cabs back home?
- Now what?
- Now
- I'm gonna find
- You need to borrow some clothes.
- Sure.
- And you can crash at my place.
Great idea.
- On two conditions.
- Yes?
When we hook up with the ladies,
you take the hand grenade.
- I take the hand grenade.
- You take the cockblocker.
- I take the cockblocker.
- You don't get it, do you?
The hand grenade or cockblocker is
the girl who says: We've gotta go now.
- You take her.
- I take her, sure.
Other than that,
just help out on the boat.
Thanks for the clothes.
It looks great on you.
Turn around.
Here.
I think that color suits you.
You look like a young yuppie.
- This is the life, huh?
- It's very hot.
This is the wild west for millionaires.
Corruption -
- unregistered cars,
tax fugitives
- What?
- Not out of need. For the heck of it.
- Oh no.
- I've asked around.
Some of the local hustlers might know
where Bob and Marianne are.
- Hustlers? What is your profession?
- I play.
Oh right. Tattoos and shades.
You're a rock musician.
- No, I play cards. Poker.
- You're a gambler?
Great.
Just a second.
Hey, Marseilles.
- Who was that?
- The medicine man.
Ding dong.
Where's the doorbell on a boat?
- You didn't see it?
- You have a doorbell?
You're such an airhead.
Hi, Sille.
- Louise. Thanks for inviting us.
- Meet my old Herlufsholm buddy.
Hello again.
You need a hug.
- Hello again.
- Hello. Michael Helge Hansen.
- Did you find your 10 million?
- No.
- Girls, you like Jagerbombs?
- Sure!
- Cheers.
- This is great.
- Bomb cheers.
- You don't drink?
- No, I get a headache.
- Tell me about it.
Melge, man up.
This is awesome.
We've got two great girls over.
You're off work, and I'm smoking!
Excuse me for not being in the mood,
but I just lost 10 million.
That is a bum way to start the day.
- Hey, let's get a bet going.
- What about?
I bet you want to see the water bed.
You do?
You won!
Congrats!
Let's go see the water bed.
Melge, you take
the you-know-what.
Come along.
Well
Great party, huh?
Cheers.
Cheers.
So you're boarding-school buddies,
you and Theo?
Yes, we both went to Herlufsholm.
For three years.
- Sille is my cousin.
- I see.
Don't be alarmed,
but you've got a pony on your ass.
Like it?
I call it Fanny.
Hey, Melge!
Got a handle on the hand grenade?
Excuse me.
I'm just gonna wait here.
- They were fucking down there?
- No, I didn't get that impression.
Oh no.
That's so Sille.
Look, I'm
I'm gonna go back to the hotel.
Sure, it's late.
- I'll help you disembark.
- Okay, thanks.
He's in bed with a girl.
You're Danish?
- Dad?
- Yes.
- Who's the jerk?
- Hello there.
Man What's up?
I'm so glad to see you, buddy.
This is Dad's good friend,
Michael Helge, from boarding school.
- Philip.
- Michael Helge Hansen.
- Can I have pancakes?
- Yes! Fucking great idea.
- You're a drug addict.
- Chill out.
I do the odd line.
And a couple more for good measure.
It doesn't do the kid any harm.
It's just like having a dad
with jet lag. We've both tried that.
- I think it's irresponsible.
- Good thing you're babysitting today.
Me? I don't know anything about kids,
and they don't interest me at all.
I have some errands. Don't you want
me to check up on Bob and Marianne?
- Here come the pancakes.
- Thanks.
Who's this?
A police officer.
Hello, hello.
You're under arrest.
Theo?
Did I just wake up or ...?
I'm right here.
Good morning. Get any sleep?
- Dad, can I have some sugar?
- You have a son?
- Sure.
- Funny!
- Isn't it? That's him over there.
- Dad, can I have some sugar, please?
Listen up.
I bet each of you 10 euro
that's Marseilles.
Yes, and it was Marseilles.
I'm off.
See you in a couple of hours.
You want sugar.
Sugar, sugar
He's only got icing sugar.
We'll just have to make do.
Jam?
Thanks.
Good?
Want some for dunking?
Thanks.
I'm sure the two of us are gonna
have a nice and quiet day together.
Watch out!
Hey.
Look, Monet's water lilies.
Philip!
Wait, Monsieur.
Hey.
Great to see you here.
Have you seen
a little wound-up blond boy?
I just passed a boy chucking bottles
at the pigeons and shouting "partey!".
- This way?
- Yes.
Partey!
Run!
Release the line.
Run against the wind.
Yes, that's it.
It's pretty here.
Quite nice.
It's okay.
It'll do.
Hey, girls.
I've got some bad news
and some good news.
And more good news on top of that.
Here's the bad news:
Bob and Marianne are gone.
But the good news is that
I know how to get your money back.
Okay?
And the other good news?
The other good news is
that you can lend me DKK 2 million.
Say what?
You want me to use all my savings
on entering you into a poker game.
- Are you mad?
- I haven't got that kind of money.
- Do you know the odds?
- It's what I do.
I'll get your 10 million back,
so you can go home.
I didn't fuck around
and get hustled.
No, you're too busy sniffing
cocaine off a butt horse.
- It's a pony, and it's called Fanny.
- Precisely.
It's a closed game
for stupid rich tourists.
Just get me the buy-in
and leave the rest to me.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime game!
- Just like that Jelling comet
- Halley's.
- That only appears every 7th
- 76th year.
Exactly!
That's the kind of game it is.
Look... You've got the dough,
I've got the talent.
- There must be an easier way.
- Call your father-in-law.
- Oh no.
- I'm so stoked!
- This is great! I'm gonna do a line.
- To celebrate.
To celebrate what?
That we're doing a line.
You already lost 10 million.
Have you got a choice?
I guess not.
Okay.
Hello, Ole.
This is Michael Helge Hansen.
Sorry to call you after hours.
It's about my pension fund.
I'd like you to transfer the money
to a French account.
Alright.
Serve the lobster!
Need help with that?
It's going to attack me now.
To get its revenge.
Ugly or not, they're cute.
Just like kids.
I don't really like cooking
Morten and Peter.
You named them?
Well, in that case
we just can't kill them.
- No.
- Tell you what Let's release them.
- No.
- Yes.
- We can't.
- Sure we can. Let's do it.
- What about dinner?
- We'll think of something.
- Voil. Canned crab.
- They think they're having lobster.
- What are they gonna say?
- Nothing. They won't notice a thing.
Some blind tasting.
Alright!
This is delish!
Melge, it's fantastic.
- Pasta, pesto, the lobster
- The lobster is great.
Awesome.
What a great idea to grate it.
It was great, Melge.
Delish.
- Sure.
- Melge!
- It's my entire life savings.
- Congrats! We're in.
- What if we lose?
- We won't.
- But what if we lose?
- We won't, because I know my shit.
How do you think I won this boat?
Chill out. Have a drink.
Everything's gonna be okay.
You'll get your millions back soon.
Hey, let's all go skinny dipping.
Without any clothes.
No way.
- Way!
- I'm game.
Go!
Good morning, Louise.
A cup of morning coffee for you.
Good morning, Michael Helge.
- Did they get any sleep at all?
- No.
They did this skinny theme all night.
When I went to bed, they'd just
started their "skinny rose' relay".
"Skinny rose' relay"?
The last thing I heard
was Theo shouting "skinny limbo".
Come swimming with Dad!
Come on, buddy!
- Coming.
- Alright!
- You're not going in?
- No.
I can't swim.
- But you can dog-paddle.
- No.
- I can teach you to swim.
- Why would you teach me to swim?
Well, if you stay on a boat
for several days
That wasn't part of the plan.
Everything's gone haywire down here.
One catastrophe after the other.
Fine.
I'm sorry.
Not everything's been bad.
What do you mean?
I mean
Maybe you should teach me to swim.
We could start by dipping our toes.
That's a deal, Michael Helge.
Mom!
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Mom.
Hi. Who are you?
Are you on coke again?
I demand to know.
I'm not on anything.
I was doing swim practice.
You're splashing about with
a porno doll with a horse on her ass.
It's a pony called Fanny. Sille's got
a great attitude to ass Forget it.
You are on something,
and I won't let you see Philip.
I'm not on anything.
It's as simple as that.
That's not mine.
- Are you gonna search the boat?
- Yes.
You won't find anything.
A towel hasn't got pockets.
If you want to make out, just say so.
Oh, give me a break.
If I find any coke,
I'll never let you see him again.
- Got all your Lego?
- Yes.
- This is for you.
- What is it?
- I sent it twice. You never replied.
- By mail? I never got it.
- Just take it.
- Is it important?
You'd better talk to my attorney then.
Melge!
- This is my attorney. Read this.
- That's your attorney?
Excuse the get-up. Michael Helge,
Winther Schmidt Heist and Partners.
And that's your accountant, and the
girl with the fish is your bank lady?
Impressive line-up, Theo.
- Have a great party. Let's go.
- Philip
- Ready?
- In a minute.
I love having you over on weekends.
You know that, don't you?
See you.
Take good care of Mom.
Grown-up time! Sille, you're in
for a life-changing moment now.
Great! Do I need to wear my goggles?
Let me show you why diving sucks.
Look closely.
Oh no!
Theo!
Goddamn!
- Why didn't you respond?
- Who the fuck reads all their mail?
- Normal people do.
- It's such a fucking drag.
- Are you okay?
- No. That dive gave me a rash.
- Let's go below. I'll kiss it better.
- Let's!
- I meant the papers.
- Theo's ex is suing for full custody.
- It's not gonna happen.
- You live on a boat.
You don't have a legitimate income.
You snort cocaine.
- You're gonna lose custody like that.
- And Sophia drives a station wagon.
A Volvo station wagon.
- So give her custody. Who cares?
- Who cares?
All it means is she has the number
to the dentist and the school login.
She wants to move to Denmark.
You'll lose contact with Philip.
- She can't.
- But she will.
What do you want me to do?
Good morning, girls.
- Coffee?
- Good morning.
Well?
- Did you have it off up here?
- No. He's been preparing your case.
Great!
But bummer too, huh?
- I won't lie to you. It looks bad.
- Oh?
I'll talk to the attorney. But you have
to shut up and do as I say.
- Sure.
- Good. Prepare for a day on my turf.
Dad! I didn't know
I was gonna see you today.
Sophia.
We'll be right out.
You can't do that!
I've been offered a job in Denmark,
and I intend to take Philip with me.
- You know I can't go back.
- Why did you snort out your brain?
Take two.
- Anything wrong, Dad?
- No. Dad just needs some air.
We're all done in five minutes.
- They want you to do a urine test.
- Why?
You're on cocaine.
The doctor's coming.
- But I can't!
- Face the music.
Do the test,
and I'll deal with the results. Okay?
Philip
Think you can pee for Dad?
Give me those papers.
But that can't be!
They had you up against the wall.
It was the only way out.
Sorry.
I thought it was icing sugar.
What kind of idiot keeps coke
in a sugar bowl?
I guess rehab is a good idea.
When do I start?
- The day after tomorrow.
- But I can't.
What is more important than your son?
- That poker game.
- No.
You're going to rehab
or you lose Philip.
- I have to be at that poker game.
- We need to get the buy-in back.
You can't get it back.
It's not like renting a holiday home.
We spent that money
on an exclusive, illegal poker game.
We spent my savings Illegal?
I knew it was a bad idea.
It's my entire life's savings.
I've lost everything.
I was going to become a partner.
Those savings were meant
to sweeten my third age.
Michael Helge,
let's get on with the swim practice.
Why don't you do something more
worthwhile than traveling the world -
- teaching strangers to swim?
Talking them into using their entire
life's savings on a dumb poker game!
You seriously believe there's a future
in bumming around like a bimbo?
I only talked to you because Theo
told me to take the hand grenade.
- The cockadoodleblocker!
- Just the cockblocker.
Sille, let's go.
- Sille?! You don't have to go.
- I have to take care of this.
Sille, we've got a thing going on,
the three of us.
Me, Fanny and you.
Wait up, Louise.
Thanks for shit-all.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- It's just an ugly old briefcase.
- It was a graduating gift from my dad.
- Two years after the fact. By mail.
Your dad never saw you
because he loved his work more.
Damn, Melge!
Sorry.
I'm sorry too.
Let's shake Herlufsholm style.
- So, did you nail Louise?
- No.
You don't drink, don't fuck.
Are you even alive?
You think I should live on a boat
and snort cocaine like you?
I strongly dissuade you
from the latter.
- You don't get tired of it.
- So it's good you're going to rehab.
- Only the timing's a bit
- Fucked.
It's a bit fucked.
- Why didn't you nail her?
- I don't want to cheat on Lydia
- Hey, you nailed Marianne.
- Again.
- Anyway, it's a stupid gamble.
- So you did the math?
I compared my relationship to Lydia
to utterly meaningless sex.
Meaningless sex.
There's no such thing.
It turned out 80-85% in Lydia's favor.
- Louise's odds were just too bad.
- Odds?
A lawyer needs to keep a cool head.
- What?
- I've got an idea.
I want to keep my son, and you want
to do jigsaws with the boss' daughter.
You're gonna take my place
at the game. It's our only way out.
Let's do it!
The game is called
No Limits Texas Hold'em.
Hold'em for short.
- Two kings is good, isn't it?
- Don't show me.
I'm gonna smurf slap you
for every dumb move.
- Now for the flop.
- Not very motivating.
It's called the op.
And now for the turn card.
- Bet again.
- The five of spades clears the table.
Bonjour. Mademoiselle...
Everyone's got a tell. They do
something when they're insecure.
Inexperienced gamblers
hold their breath when they bluff.
People with a strong hand look at their
chips to see how much they can bet.
You can provoke their insecurity
by saying something to rattle them.
- Fold.
- Be aggressive.
- I hate that smurf!
- You've folded 14 times straight.
If you keep folding, they'll know
you've got zilch. You have to pretend.
- I'm no good at lying.
- It's not lying, it's bluffing.
From the top.
- You'll know I'm bluffing now.
- Let's just do it one more time.
- What?
- You look epileptic when you bluff.
- Who says I'm bluffing?
- Your eyes do.
Every muscle in your face does.
- What's up with this?
- This game was your idea.
I never saw anything like it.
What the hell is that?
We need someone on the oor.
Someone to feed you
tricks and pointers.
- No.
- But why?
- I said I won't do it.
- But
No!
Get lost.
You talk to her.
Why don't we ask Sille?
Sille's got other talents.
Oh, so both Jerk 1
and Jerk 2 are here? Great.
I wouldn't ask
unless I really needed your help.
I'd like to apologize for what I said.
It was stupid of me.
It was offensive and bad form.
I said it because I was under pressure,
and I took it out on you.
And that wasn't fair at all.
You've only ever been nice to me.
No one ever offered
to teach me to swim before.
And you're not a cockblocker.
But I don't blame you.
It's okay.
- Well?
- No. Nothing doing.
You're kidding.
Hey, wait.
- I'll help you.
- Yes!
As long as it's not really lame.
It's not.
It's really simple.
Can you hide this mike
between your boobs?
Theo.
- Hello, hello.
- Shove your face down her boobs.
Closer.
- One, two, three, testing.
- Louder.
Sing something so I can tune it.
- You have to sing something.
- No way.
This is bordering on obscene behavior
in public, and that's an of fence.
I won't answer for the consequences.
And I haven't sung since school.
Just sing.
Listen.
I think we're ready for tomorrow.
So, high roller, ready?
Fuck me!
Fuck, you look great.
- Nervous?
- A little or rather a whole lot.
You'll be okay.
I'm gonna be in your ear all the time.
You're a player now.
I'm proud of you.
Good old Melge's back.
I'm proud of you too
for going to rehab.
- You mean that?
- Yes.
No
Alright!
See you, Melge.
- You look great.
- Thanks. Let's go.
Mr. and Mrs. High Roller
don't drive a scooter.
No, we're gonna arrive in style.
I've got an idea.
- How did you get it started?
- I learnt a few tricks at Herlufsholm.
- Nervous?
- Not the slightest.
I just need to win 10 million.
- You always carry that around?
- Yes.
- It makes me feel safe.
- Like a teddy bear.
No, I need it to carry home
my 10 million.
This is so illegal. How do you
think they declare the money?
- I don't think
- It was a joke.
- I don't believe it.
- You'?
How can anyone be like you?
So immoral?
So utterly devoid of any moral?
How can anyone care so little
about other people?
Let's go.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- They hustled me! Bob and Marianne.
But do you want to be chucked out
for hitting your opponents?
You can still bow out.
It's not too late.
Oh no. I bought a seat at this table
just like you.
Only difference is
I paid for it myself.
Hello.
- Theo.
- Fuck, this is exciting!
- Marianne is facing him at the table.
- Marianne as in Bob and Marianne?
Tell him to raise her
every time he has a good hand.
He keeps folding.
I told him a hundred times
not to keep folding.
He's gotta raise and bluff
now and then.
Three have left the game.
Theo.
It's just him and Marianne now.
Great. But she's way ahead of him, so he
has to rattle her to stand a chance.
Please excuse my absentmindedness.
I was just remembering -
- our night together, Marianne.
You have a lovely wife, Bob.
I was just thinking I've slept
with your wife. As in had sex with.
All night long.
Wonderful sex
with your wife all night long.
Over and over and over
and one more time for good measure.
- Sorry, but we never fucked.
- Oh yes, we did.
You got very, very drunk
and passed out on the bed.
What about my underwear
and the lipstick?
Bluff.
So I could've called the police?
And Lydia?
And Winther Schmidt?
But you didn't,
did you, Michael Helge?
- Michael Helge, wait.
- I've lost everything!
I'm so stupid.
I never do anything right!
- I'm so stupid!
- No, you're not.
I really like you.
But sometimes
I know what you mean.
Good.
Do what you're good at.
Think of the poker table
as a courtroom.
Keep a cool head.
Stay in control.
Yes.
- Are you ready to win 10 million?
- Yes.
Miss Moniepennie...
Louise?
Everyone's got a tell. Everyone does
something when they're insecure.
I don't do this every day.
Calm down, Bob.
You win on a sorry pair of five?
We won! We won!
Bob.
We're off.
Where's the briefcase?
Where's Bob and Marianne?
- Now what?
- Just smile.
Bob, Marianne Bonjour.
What have you got here?
- How come he knows our names?
- Beats me.
- Just take a wad and let us move on.
- How's it looking behind us?
- What's that?
- Oh no.
How is Theo's dear friend?
- Thanks for the ride.
- It's the least I could do.
I'd better go to the boat and pack,
so I can go home.
It would be nice, if you stayed on.
Sille and I are still on holiday.
I never taught you to swim.
You could teach me to play poker.
No, I've played enough poker for now.
Well bye now.
- Take care.
- You too.
Thanks.
Michael Helge, it's dad.
I just talked to the French bank.
We're getting the 10 million back.
Have a safe flight and see you
at the reception, Michael Helge.
I'm marrying someone else.
There you are.
You look a mess!
The entire office is waiting for you.
There you are.
Good to see you, Michael Helge.
Thanks, darling.
May I have your attention, please?
As you see, Michael Helge
has returned from la France.
Let's not waste any more time,
but go straight to a toast-
- to welcome Michael Helge as
Winther Schmidt Host's new partner.
Thanks, Jorgen.
Thank you, everyone.
Lydia
This is a big decision.
Sure, you can work out the odds
for it being the right decision -
- but life is the unknown factor.
It takes you by surprise.
It sweeps you off your feet.
- So, Lydia
- Yes! Yes, I'll marry you.
Of course she will.
Congratulations, my dear girl.
And welcome to the family.
Stop, stop, stop.
I can't, Lydia.
I can't marry you.
Is it a sunset or flowers?
I can't tell.
Or is it 3D, so you need ...?
Beats me.
One more.
You do know that
"the bot Anna" isn't a boat, don't you?
Sure it is.
He sings "the boat Anna".
"I know a boat. It's called Anna ..."
It's the best song in the world.
No, it's a bot, a chat robot.
He's singing about his chat robot.
- I couldn't find the doorbell.
- What the fuck? Melge!
Come here, Melge.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
- Look!
- Hi. Good to see you.
- You too. Hi there, Philip.
- Hi, Melge.
Where's ...?
Hi.
Hi.
So the candy shop's closed?
No more Snow White?
No more icing on the cake?
No more snow on the Christmas tree?
Philip can stay here with me
as long as I stay off-
- the icing on the Christmas tree.
What made you come back?
I realized I'd forgotten two things.
What did you forget?
My briefcase.
And I'd forgotten myself.
We'll find the briefcase tomorrow.
Let's take the old boat
for a spin, shall we?
Dad, can I sail her back?
- Let's sail Anna together.
- Isn't she called "The Boat Anna"?
No, the bot Anna is a chat robot.
That's what Basshunter sings about.
No, this is a boat,
and she's just called Anna.
Named after auntie Anna
who you never met.
Hey, that's Francois.
Hey there.
Bonjour, girls.
Later, dude.
- Hell, yeah!
- Last man in is a boring attorney.
You're so easy.
I am an attorney.
Coming.
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