Podium (2004) Movie Script

Claude Franois was electrocuted
this afternoon
when changing a lightbulb
in his bathroom.
Claude Franois is emotion.
Claude Franois... is pure poetry!
Doesn't this make you
think of Brassens?
That turd that rhymes balls
with falls?
I lost my balls
In one of my falls.
Even I can do that!
I've been told you're
quite difficult.
Listen, if I were Sardou
I'd punched you in the face.
This interview is over!
And now ladies and gentlemen
the story of the greatest
Claude Franois ever!
My name's Jean Baptiste Cousseau,
But they call me Couscous.
When I started as Claude Franois
it was downhill.
There were too many of us.
Then came Bernard...
and I had to surrender.
I wasn't bad technically.
But I wasn't good with girls.
So I took Michel Polnareff
by the name of "Michel Polnar-G".
Girls prefer him.
He's more enigmatic,
mysterious, and sexy.
I did all of Bernard's
opening act shows.
Those were the days.
Gala after gala, tour after tour.
Simply put we were at the
top for five years
with Les Bernadettes, our dancers.
One day, in Claude Franois'
Moulin in Dannemois...
they auctioned Claude's stuff.
The Bellinda outfit, 50,000.
Going once...
Going twice... sold for 50,000
to the gentleman over there.
Object no. 28.
An exceptional piece: the original
"Le Tlphone Pleure" telephone...
From 1947. Starting at 50,000.
Bernard was always a skinflint.
But when it was about his passion
hothing could stop him.
Bernard bought that phone for
a sum that could've bought a house.
110,000, 120,000...
130,000 for the gentleman.
130.000 going once...
going twice... sold for
130,000 to the gentleman.
It stays in France!
I never intended to buy it.
I was just curious.
But when I saw it
I couldn't resist.
Vro, it's like a fund.
Do you think I'm stupid? 150,000 Francs
for a phone! A fund?
Vro, Bernard's wife, didn't agree.
Her family has had debts for
several generations.
What phone?
- Frdrique Barkoff's.
Who is she?
The sing-along kid from
Le Tlphone Pleure.
I'll show you.
It's the phone from the cover!
Vro liked Julien Clerc.
That says enough.
Stupid Couscous...
Julien Clerc...
Might as well listen to Michel Sardou.
So we don't have anything left?
Do we really?
I say we're rich.
It's in Argus!
Vro told Bernard to choose
either Claude Franois or her.
Bernard picked Vro.
They never saw each other again.
Mr Chambon, if I deny you
that check I want...
How will I feed my children?
I don't want to starve
the little Chambons.
I just want to control your debts.
It's more like a bottomless pit
than a debt.
Here. Look.
Just this month,
not that I care,
you bought 24...
- That's my own problem.
I will spend my money
like I want to!
In this case it's our money,
Mr Chambon.
I was listening.
That he's off to California...
How are you, man?
I want french fries.
Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.
I'm exhausted.
This is tonight's 7th visit.
We can't even have
dinner uninterrupted.
Do you realise we are the sole
couple in the universe
that lives in a model home?
If you sign we will deliver
in 6 months. Very quickly.
Who are they?
-Nothing, ignore them.
But it's the cheapest rent
in all France, isn't it?
I'm tired of living in a model
home. With a model husband.
Soon we'll move.
Just wait a little longer.
East your fries.
- I'm going back to mom.
Enjoy, Bernard.
And our prices
are very competitive.
A house like this is only
635,000 Euros!
Can we apply for newly weds
Welcome back to the 2nd part...
of this show with a most
extraordinary guest:
Evelyne Thomas.
- Thanks for having me here.
You've come to tell us about
and issue you feel strongly about.
The night of the imitators.
- What exactly is this?
It's the grand finale for all
showbiz star imitators...
with 100,000 Euros of prize
money for the winner.
With this year the long awaited
final of Claude Franois'.
Last year's winner,
a Claude Franois...
will compete again.
- There he is.
No, that's Claude Francis,
the public favourite.
Do you have a favourite artist?
I'm not allowed to, but there
are some that stand out.
There are some real stars
amongst the imitators.
Like Claude David,
last year's winner.
He's doing Cloclo again...
Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.
Dad, what's an imitator?
And imitator?
What's an imitator? Well...
It's from... it's a Greek God,
Sosiris. Who was someone...
without a personality.
There's a yard for the children,
which is great in summer.
"Marc et Olivier" real estate,
good evening.
Our office is closed at the moment.
Please call back later.
Is this the best Claude Franois
of a generation?
Bernard, it's me. Couscous!
Seen Evelyne Thomas on TV?
Time to get back on stage!
OK, bye.
Say hi to Vro.
I never saw him again!
It's him who calls me at the
bank and at home.
Why are you telling me this?
Where did he get your phone number?
- I don't know.
That guy is crazy... obsessed!
And I have nothing to
do with that any more!
I'm warning you! Don't do
anything stupid!
No. He's a bum
You know what?
He's jealous.
He's jealous of our good fortune.
Of our joy in life.
Are you happy?
Yes you are. Me too.
It makes people jealous.
You scared me!
Are you crazy?
How are you??
-Fine, and you?
It's been so long
- 5 years.
Sully-sur-Loire, 1998.
A kiss?
Three kisses.
Couscous, I have to talk to you.
I have all the outfits...
of all shows by Maritie and
Gilbert Carpentier.
Look: Carlos, '74, Petula Clark, '78
Michel Fugain, '73.
Feel it. It's wild silk.
Michel Fugain never should've
quit Big Bazaar.
The way he danced with boots
all the way up to his balls.
Lalanne just copied off him.
It's slightly more complicated.
- Sit down.
Want a drink?
-No, listen.
Do you live here?
Seen the rent?
No one tells you anything?
- Nobody knows I exist.
Wnat something to eat?
Seen this masterpiece?
Claude only wore it once,
for Blinda, Februari 11, 1973.
Isn't your Orangina
from Blinda '73?
Listen up, Couscous.
I don't want you to call
me any more.
Not on your couch.
No. Not on the couch,
not at my house.
I don't want to hear about
that night of the imitators.
Seen the poster I found?
From our show in Chaingy?
Listen. I quit.
I have a job now.
A wife and a kid.
It's over for me.
Do you understand?
I'm a working man?
- so?
Never mind. Deal?
It was good to see you.
I'll call you.
It would be nice if we went
out for dinner.
Haven't you got a little bigger?
It's enough.
By the way, that jacket is
a fake.
Claude never would've worn
on top of a Sumatra.
Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.
Bernard Frdric, customer service.
- Good evening Bernard!
How do you like the banker life?
Who is this?
- It's Claude!
What Claude?
- Claude Franois!
Do you know who's going to
the night of the imitators?
You, Bernard!
Yes, you!
- This can't be.
Claude... is it you?
Are you deaf?
I told you!
No! Couscous, if this is a joke
I don't find it funny.
Listen, if you can't handle it
just tell me!
You'll be a Claude Franois again.
Find your dancers,
work out...
something that wouldn't hurt.
And you'll win. Let's go.
Claude, listen...
- Dammit!
What if I told you that
Claude called?
What if I told you that
Claude called?
To get back on stage.
What I wanted to ask...
Do you know where my
star shaped buttons are?
What buttons?
The ones I wore at
Tigy in Februari '95.
Yes, the real Bernard was back.
All we needed were our dancers.
And for Bernard to practice
for the night of the imitators.
Finally a new tour of
"Bernard Frdric and his Bernadettes".
And I was Bernard's coach again.
His father's dead?
- March 9, '61.
No, March 19th.
To freshen up his memory
I played a game with him.
One that we played 5 years ago.
A kind of quiz.
Favourite food?
- Lobster bouillon and wine.
By what chef?
- Leduc.
Jeannette left him. When and where?
1962, Bcaud.
Bcaud, that bastard.
It'll be strange seeing Jacqueline again.
- She called.
Will she accept?
-She sounded happy.
She was a beautiful woman
and a great dancer too.
Yes. Very beautiful.
Very elegant.
I guess I can tell you now.
She and I...
Yeah, alright. Ring the bell.
Isn't this great, Bernard?
-Yes, excellent.
I've been waiting so long for this.
- What about us?
Yes, we've been through a lot.
The Concert at Monsieur Meuble
in '92. That rocked!
With the Catherinettes in Garches,
on the parking lot of Bricorama in '95.
Thet day Michel Delpech was
sexing me up.
Not everyone can say that.
Until Boy Rgis made me an offer
five years ago.
The Boy George imitator.
All they wanted to do is
sleep with eachother.
So I left.
Yes, he wasn't as gay as
the original.
I bet it's part of his failure.
Fine, so...
I work at Pantashop.
As an interim sales manager.
It's time to go.
Sorry, I'm boring you.
-Not at all.
You look just like a
Bernadette. Let's go.
What will we do at the night
of the imitators?
What night?
-of the imitators. Why?
The night of the imitators?
Did you come to say goodbye
in this clothes?
We just came over to chat.
With those stupid glasses on!
I've had enough. Get out!
Out! attack, My Way! Attack!
Stupid My Way!
Get out, you freaks.
What a stupid idea, calling
your dog My Way.
Usually I can understand
but My way is blasphemy.
You should respect the
cultural excess.
Cultural exception!
One thing is true.
You really look stupid
with those glasses.
Just one month to go
We better hurry.
Now what?
-We can be a duo.
What song will we do?
Let's do Le Tlphone Pleure.
Excellent! But where do we find
the sing-along girl?
Don't worry.
I have an idea.
Three, four, come on!
No, Sbastien, this pencil
isn't for fun.
Respect the tempo.
Again. Three, four.
You're the one from last time.
Let me get her.
I think she's in the kitchen.
No, not in the kitchen,
she's taking a bath.
You've told me that 4 times.
I don't care if it
takes all afternoon...
but you will learn this song.
Three, four!
I'll get her. She's taking a bath.
I don't know if she'll come.
Fine. Now me. Let me sing
holding the horn.
Tell her, please...
look at me.
Tell him that it's important
and tell him to wait.
It's me!
What's up?
We're doing his homework.
3 times 7?
- 21.
Screw her. Let's go.
Tell him that it's important
And to wait.
And that he'll wait
What's he waiting for?
Stop crying. It's the phone
that cries. What's he waiting for?
Sbastien, concentrate!
You don't understand!
What's this about?
A papa that wants to talk to mama
but mama doesn't want to.
So she says she's taking a bath
What did she tell him?
Think. What?
His mama tells him!
She tells papa you're
a filthy bastards.
Come, sweetheart.
You just tore an 8000 Franc sheet.
-How much?
Forget it.
I'm warning you. Do what you want
but leave Sbastien alone.
Don't complain to me when
he's behind in school.
And he waits...
Spread your legs wide, Mrs Estrada.
My husband thinks he's
Barthez is. The goalie.
He speaks Marseillan
and jumps anything that moves.
A psychotherapist? Could he
help Bernard?
He sure helped me.
Dr. Dandieu taught me to
accept my baldness.
Sorry, but a guy named
Johnny wants to see you.
No. Johnnys on wednesday only,
with the Elvises.
He insists.
Tell him to come back
tomorrow morning.
I bet there is a Mike Brant
that commits suicide tonight.
In short, you think
you're Claude Franois?
No, I think I'm Bernard Frdric.
Claude Franois is my job.
- Right.
Well... it used to.
Because, as you say...
people think
that Claude Franois was a trend.
But it's not. It's a job.
And a tough job too.
Come to think about it Claude Franois...
has always been Claude Franois.
It's far more practical.
I, however...
have had to struggle
to keep up.
Bernard Frdric, are you prepared...
to go into therapy with me?
What is it you dos?
What are you? A Doctor? Psychiatrist?
-Where's the proof?
Did you get a diploma that says:
"I am a psychotherapist"?
From another psychotherapist?
But besides the piece of paper
thereis nothing that tells me
you're not an impostor.
You're an impostor. So am I,
your secretary...
and the Johnny guy.
We're all impostors.
Does Bernard Frdric keep you
from doing your job??
Do me a favour and don't keep
Bernard Frdric...
from doing Claude Franois.
This is for your kids.
Relax. It's no big deal.
Your husband should continue
to identify himself.
Let him find his identity again...
By shaking off the alter ego
of his imitator.
Let him go.
He will see how absurd
his comeback really is.
What's keeping him?
I can imagine...
how you must feel today.
Because you are finally...
in the waiting room of fame
and fortune.
Many will come
but only few will succeed.
Four of you. Four, not five...
Will have the immense privilege...
of becoming a Bernadette.
Behind me... the singing chairs
of Bernard Frdric.
Two will sit right of Christ.
the other two left of Couscous.
is he the filthy pig
that never stops eating...
but you have to respect him,
just like me...
because he'll always be the best
Michel Polnareff...
of his generation.
You, with the squid on your head.
Do you think that's funny?
Get your stuff and get out of here!
Good luck, everyone
Sylvie Dubertrand, 13, Emile Paul Street,
Date of birth 14/04/79...
brown eyes, 1 meter...
Been to dance academy?
Good. Everybody listen.
Here you don't say just "yes"
You'll say "Yes, Bernard".
Do you understand?
I always want a "Yes"
followed by "Bernard".
They are inseperable.
Like Stone and Charden.
Is this clear?
You can't say "Hi Stone".
But always "Hi Stone and Charden".
Get out.
Brigitte Leclerc.
A relative of Evelyne?
Take that out of your mouth.
Are you a relative of Evelyne?
Too bad. I love Evelyne.
She's a friend.
Tell me, Brigitte Leclerc...
You have a weird body. Are you on drugs?
Yes you do.
ln '72, the year you were born,
Claude recorded his biggest hit.
I'm just helping you,
it's the name of a season
- Autumn just begon for you.
Don't say goodbye to the others.
Who's this?
- It's you.
No. "It's you, sir"
It's you sir.
-you, sir who?
You sir, Bertrand Frdric.
Bertrand Frdric.
You og join Bertrand Frdric then.
Out of here.
It's sad. House, funk, rap... Yeah.
But Claude, no!
But we've still got two left.
You need four don't you?
Logistics, that's Bernard Frdric's
If we want to have four dancers
we will have four. OK?
And you.
No more cookies for you.
I've seen you eat.
You have to be strict from now on.
Let's eat.
Don't you ever stop?
You had a bucket of friees!
Do you have a tapeworm?
Did Polnareff eat that much?
- Back in '74, yeah.
Missonier... rejected.
Delbosc... rejected.
Lon Blanc's files,
out of here.
The guy has money in th bank.
Exactly 627.57 Euros.
I'm anticipating.
I'm preventing.
He'll have to pay his bills.
- So what?
Swirl round.
Swirl round!
You're hired.
-Already? I'm just an intern.
I'm not your professor, Odile.
I'm an artist.
My heart beats, my nose smells...
I decide.
That's Bernard Frdric.
You'll get to know me.
Couscous, it's Bernard.
I found the perfect girl.
She's the bomb!
With eyes that look right through
you! Hot like a stove.
Unseen. Pure dynamite!
No no, stop.
That's shit.
Let's call it a day.
Go home.
And study your routine.
Vanessa, Come here.
What do I tell them?
- Don't know.
It's a lost case!
He's started casting Clodettes.
- And us?
We've been rehearsing for months!
We can't give up now.
You don't know him.
He's not an imitator
but a clone, a reincarnation.
What can I do?
What if he blows the audition?
Claude, these are...
Odile, Anne and Nadge,
my new Bernadettes.
Take your hats off
and say hi to Claude.
Pleased to meet you, sir.
- Hello, Mr Franois.
Don't be rude.
Say hello like a lady.
Mello Mr Franois.
- Good.
Plase be quiet.
Previous territory of Claude Franois
Why did Claude become
what he was?
They never told me.
- Each morning he made his...?
His breakfast?
- Breakfast!
Anne! Each morning he made his...?
-His round through the park!
When the Delpechs, the Daves
and the Sardous...
Came home drunk
Claude was jogging at the
break of dawn.
You should follow his example.
No alcohol in this team.
Don't forget. Magnolia...
- Forever!
What did you say?
What did you say?
Claude's suffering horribly...
but then Jacques Rouve,
a great composer, gives him a song.
A little fantasy.
Claude's genius comes to life.
He turned those little words
into a dramatic song to help him
express the bitterness
of his divorce.
And this song became...
I don't have time for
your women's stories.
No, it's not for me.
It's for you.
Wat is er?
I called Moulin...
and they told me Bernard Frdric
was here.
That's me. And you're interrupting
my class. What do you want?
I heard you need a dancer?
No, a Bernadette.
I like your work.
- Yeah right.
Which song was composed here
by this pool?
Comme d'Habitude.
- Who for?
France Gall.
-What do you do for a living?
Odile, Nadge, Anne...
Our newest Bernadette.
Have you started the choreography
for Blinda yet?
We don't know what's on
this year's programme.
I know, but...
And for Alexandria,
It's perfect isn't it??
Well, it's not that great.
Please just go.
I have to work, dammit!
Get out!
The dancer problem was solved.
Two more things to worry about.
Time. Only 3 weeks left.
Fortunately Bernard found
a great sponsor.
What I...
What the bank can propose...
Is the alternative car.
What's that?
-Yes. What is it?
- Let me tell you.
It's a money reservation...
that you can use...
howver you please. Stop.
Just like a bird.
From 2,000 to 30,000 Euros.
You will have monthly installments...
which ofcourse also allow you...
to deposit on your
standard account.
There are three options
for us... well, for you:
Safe, balanced, or agressive.
Safe, balanced, or agressive.
What do you choose?
- Don't know.
- The 30,000 Euros one.
I'll take the agressive solution.
- Agressive.
We get it.
- I'll take agressive.
Let's have agressive.
It took me long to decide
but now I know.
Shut up.
So, it's 30,000 Euros then.
Let me go over your file again.
You're unemployed...
with no address...
- That depends.
You haven't done your taxes.
And you're not allowed to
open an account since 6 years.
Please shut up.
Mr Cousseau, please sign here.
I'm signing.
Thank you. Good to do business.
- Likewise.
Goodbye, Mr Cousseau.
- Have a nice day.
The pleasure was all mine.
Your bank really rocks.
I take the agressive solution!
M.r Frdric, allow me to remind you...
the meeting starts at 12 sharp.
Won't you be there?
Yes. I will.
Are you OK? You're all sweaty.
Yes, I'm kind of hungry.
What are you doing?
Stay out of dad's room
and give me the phone.
Claude Franois doesn't
want to talk to me.
What did you expect, the phone
isn't even connected.
There's nobody to talk to.
-Why are you shouting?
Say... I love your pyjamas.
It's a men's pyjamas.
Just like dad's.
Just like dad's.
When I grow up I'll
be your imitator.
No, you can't.
-Why not?
Because I'm nobody.
Let's pee like a man
and go to sleep.
We never went on a tour.
-Honey, listen.
Bernard had the most delicate
yet to come:
tell Vro that he left on
a well organised tour.
How about your job?
- I took an inpaid leave.
For the third time this year.
Do you want to get fired?
I know. But I have to.
- You're not alone anymore.
You'll mess it all up.
Look at you.. that shit.
Have you decided?
What's "Texas beef
la Camarguaise??
Fine choice. It's a steak with
lemon on top of...
And the menu of the day?
- Yes we have one too.
We'll take two.
It's a new start of something
in our relation.
I still say no.
- Please.
Regarding the menus
we have two today.
One's 19.60 with a starter,
And one at 13.60.
We'll have the 13.60 menu.
If I win...
Chicken, lamb, ribs?
Listen to me.
If we can choose anyway...
give us some of everything.
What was that all about?
Why? I wanted to show him
hes found his superior.
Him and his menu "Volont".
Can't I do what my Volont wants?
Isn't my Volont great?
Do what you want
but there are limits.
Wait, Vro... wait for me.
- Is the lady leaving?
Is there a problem you moron?
You and your little plates?
Do you think Bernard Frdric's
eyes are larger than his mouth?
You don't know me!
What are you looking at?
Do I have a dragon's tail?
No! Look at your plates then.
Fine, let's start over again.
Bring me the menu "Sleepless Nights".
I want meat like it's raining meat.
And a pile of mash
and gravy.
Tell your chef Bernard Frdric
wantch to set up camp here!
I did Claude Franois all my life,
And now I'm Carlos for a night.
And if I get sick...
I'll be getting sick here.
We've been driving alongside
the highway for two hours.
Why not take the highway?
- It's a toll road.
Bernard Frdric will never pay
1 Euro for toll.
I'm a man of principles.
But don't worry sweethearts...
because we're on fire.
Johnny Halliday is playing in
the Stade de France...
but he's just a toy compared to us.
Vanessa, I'm making you captain...
of the Bernadettes tonight.
Wait a minute...
- Thanks!
Thank you, Bernard.
Bziers, Maine-sur-Loire, Nevers...
I visited them all in the
Magnolia World Tour 2004...
of Bernard Frdric and his Bernadettes.
Thanks! Thanks everyone!
Thank you, Paris!
Thank you, Paris!
After our triumph in Crystal Palace
I had organised an after party concert...
in Pizzeria Renato, a great pizza place...
to finish our tour with a bang.
Funny, isn't it?
I was in first gear.
Let me take your suitcase.
Where is it?
- Over there...
Are you sure?
-Yes. Follow me.
Renato, where's the stage
you promised?
You have the entire restaurant...
- We can't perform like this.
We've organised the Miss Calzone
pageant like this for 17 years...
and no one ever complained
and neither will you.
Where is the bathroom?
- Right at the back.
We could try...
and build a stage.
Put a couple of tables together.
- And where will we dance?
There's no room.
No, no, no.
Listen up Herr Calzone...
Would Johnny Halliday sing
in the Parc des Princes...
Without the fireworks? No!
And so Bernard Frdric
Won't perform in Pizzeria Renato...
without his Bernadettes. OK?
No, we're not leaving. We came
to perform, and we will.
Just tell me if I'm boring you.
May I?
I'm saving my energy.
Fine, but I'd like it if
you could shift into a higher gear.
Yes indeed, it may seem slow.
but that's what it is.
I'm on the tempo of Mal Aim...
about to do Blinda!
Right after that to
Si J'Avais Un Marteau.
Are you alright, dear?
I'm sorry.
Why didn't dad pick me up?
Recently Lavilliers was
looking for trouble.
We fought...
with the old salami.
Where is he? Out of my way!
- Why? Don't bother.
Vro! You alright?
You won't believe it.
We were practicing...
OK I'm having an affair.
And now?
You're not going to bitch
about that, are you?
All stars have mistresses.
Bill Clinton? a mistress.
Mick Jagger? a mistress.
Napoleon... mistress.
Even Claude.
- Fool!
You're so short sighted.
What did you want? A simple life
and a faithful husband?
You deserve better than this, honey.
Vro! Wait!
Vro, wait! Let me explain!
Vro, I don't care about her!
Wait! It doesn't mean anything,
just a quick fuck!
The day of the trials arrived.
Bernard was ready...
Well, almost.
Listen, Claude...
Could you do something for me?
Bernard deserves his success.
Looking at the competition...
He worked very hard, day and night.
And we hope they will forget
about your yy period.
It wasn't your best.
The best couple Claude Franois of France
were invited to The Moulin.
Cheb Cloco, Claude David,
Jean-Claude Franois,
Claude Jean-Franois,
Claudus, Claudine,
Claude Rmy, Trash Cloclo!
Why did you do that?
You're over.
What's the problem?
Am I out because I tripped?
Is that it!
So what? You think Cloclo
never fell?
That he had hydraulic heels?
Only the cold Cloclo's never fall.
Those disco dorks,
Pencil lickers, you.
Paper and a pencil in your hands!
What do I care?
Look, I'm naked!
Do I need a Cloclo-diploma
to entertain you?
No. I deserve better.
Because it's not the pencil
lickers that made me...
but the audience.
And my audience is here tonight.
Claude made my life better...
and together with my audience
I'm making his life better.
The rest is all bullshit.
Here. Keep it.
He's right!
Stop already.
He wasn't allowed to get up.
But he did.
Maybe you didn't push
him hard enough.
If I didn't... Like you said...
maybe that's because I
didn't like it.
Are you in love?
- Oh shut up.
5 years I've been the best Cloclo.
And he's going to take that away
from me because of you.
I think you betrayed me.
Dirty bitch.
Dirty bitch?
And you think you're Cloclo.
You look like Patrick Juvet.
On the one side you're refusing
valid checks.
On the other side
you're giving credit to
a certain Mr Cousseau whose
papers are invalid since 1986.
A homeless guy. And you give him...
maximum credit.
Which he broke, by the way.
Is this the money you pay
your unpaid holidays with?
But boss...
I'm on the verge of a breakthrough.
No, wait...
I swear that if I make it...
the bank can make a profit
out of it.
I'll show you.
Imagine it's fixed.
Are you opening a salon?
I've been selected for the Gala
of Imitators by Evelyne Thomas.
What do I care?
Let me give you an imitation
of Evelyne Thomas.
But boss, if I win...
I assure you I'll return
every cent.
Start right now by paying
me with your last paycheck.
Thank you, Mr Frdric.
I think we're done.
Who are you talking to?
Do you know who Bernard Frdric is?
Bernard Frdric, 5 employees,
80 calls per week,
30 fan letters a day.
Bernard Frdric,
2 liters of sweat each show.
Bernard Frdric, three fainting
women each tour.
Over 12,000 km each year...
and 19 buttons.
That's Bernard Frdric!
It's a giant add up.
A fighting machine.
Keep the jacket,
I won't need it any more.
Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.
- It's me.
Vro, it's me!
This is not funny!
It goes away
and it will (not) be back.
Hi. We're here for
Sbastiens anniversary.
I'll get Vro.
Happy birthday, champion.
What is it?
Open it.
Mama, look. Cool!
I'll go get a CD.
It's a CD player.
Why didn't you answer my calls?
Don't you know?
Are you seeing someone else?
- No.
Is it the bald guy?
Do I have to kick his ass?
- Forget it.
I'm making you laugh.
Why are playing with my feet?
I'm asking you to forgive me.
I'll make us coffee.
-Wait. I want to come.
I have a surprise for you.
Music you like.
- Not now.
Is it mama?
Tell her: "Mama,
it's for you"
You're that Mr from the other day.
I'll get her.
She's taking a bath.
And I don't know if she can come
to the phone.
Please tell her
tell her that it's important.
And that I'll wait.
Did you upset mama?
She's always waving her arms...
And tell me softly:
"pretend I'm not around"
Tell me how you're doing.
Do you study your lessons
every night?
Yes. But mama works so the
woman nextdoor takes me to school.
There's only one signature
in my book.
Papa does it for the other kids.
But not for me.
Tell her I'm hurt.
For six years already.
That's your age, son.
- No, I'm 5.
Tell me you knew mam before.
But she never talks about you.
The telephone's crying.
The telephone's crying.
When she's not coming.
When I tell her:
"I love you"
Words fade in the horn
The telehpone's crying.
Please don't hang up.
We were just playing.
- PlayingClaude Franois.
No you want to play Claude Franois too?
You want to be like dad?
Do you want to be on stage,
and sing at markets?
You have a sweetheart at school.
Do you want her to laugh at you?
Do you want to make her miserable?
Look at your dad.
At the state he's in.
Don't you love papa?
Let's go.
Thanks dad,
for ruining my birthday!
Thank you too!
Can you play Laurent Voulzy next?
That's fine.
How is Bernard?
Haven't heard from him.
If he doesn't show up
I can't accept him.
We can't reach him.
- If he doesn't show he's out.
Let me try again.
"Marc et Olivier" real estate.
Good evening.
Our office is closed right now.
Please call back later.
Bernard, it's me, Couscous.
Are you there? Pick up.
Where are you, dammit!
I'm worried sick.
Your rehearsal is on.
Where are you?
The girls are with me.
Pick up, dammit!
Are you there?
90 minutes late.
That's hardly professional.
Are you Obispo's imitator?
-Yes, why?
I know him. He's not like that.
Do you want to know what
a real imitator is like?
By the way, Pascal
stole everything from Michel.
What are you doing? Eavesdropping?
What time is it?
- Don't worry. Plenty of time.
Vanessa ran away.
Screw Vanessa.
We don't need the girls.
How do I look?
Bernard... you can touch him.
Claude Franois... it was hard
to get his autograph.
Good evening!
Thank you for coming...
to the Sacha Guitry Pavillion.
Welcome to the new
Gala of the imitators.
This year organised
in cooperation with RTL.
Good luck imitators.
May the best win.
And here is our first candidate.
It's a Claude Franois,
and his name's Claude David.
Give him a warm hand...
Claude David!
I've been waiting here
for over an hour.
I understand. I'm sorry
-Tell them I'm his wife.
I know.
Please wait patiently...
The doctor will be right there.
Don't worry.
I hate the night of the imitators.
How long have we been waiting?
You call that a Claude Franois?
He can't even dance.
How would you do it then?
Thank you, Claude David!
Give him a warm hand!
It's not easy this year,
but it's not over yet.
Time for a bit of fun.
Please welcome
our best Coluche!
Where are you going?
- I'm Bernard Frdric.
The official Polnareff.
- Go. Have a good night.
I have to go.
My wife's imitator...
will kill me if I'm late.
Our next guest...
Behind the screens of the Pavillion,
Sacha Guitry, something magnificent.
An other Claude Franois
who was out of the race,
is visiting us after all.
Can he perform?
Louder! I can't hear you!
Alright. Let's welcome
Bernard Frdric and his Bernadettes.
Or rather, without his Bernadettes.
You're alone but you'll sing
Alexandrie, Alexandra?
Go ahead. We're listening.
What's going on? I don't understnad.
What's going on?
What is all this?
How about the rules?
Stay out of it.
Did papa lose?
-No honey, he won.
Good evening Miss...
Mrs Frdric.
The usual?
The 13.60 menu?
Tonight I'll eat a la carte.
And my wife can choose.
- And we'll have some wine.
You decide.
What's wrong?
Are you alright?
Would you prefer the menu?
-No, take whatever you like.
Was it right to leave Sbastien
with Couscous?
He's your best friend.
- I know.
It's Bernard.
- Everything OK?
Has Sbastien gone to bed?
- I was just reading him a story.
And I tucked him in afterwards.
He's asleep.
Good, see you later.
I'm just a little...
You know what? I love you.
Stop, stop! No, no.
What are you doing? My wiper.
Your arm is a hammer hitting a nail.
Do it.
That's right.
Ready? Again.
What are you doing?
Picking up pebbles.
Claude walked on them.
Come here. Each piece should
be verified.
It could be an excellent piece.
Look, girls.
Look how tired the pebbles
look on top.
It proves you stepped on
them frequently.
It could be Claude's boots.
Couscous, that is very nice.