Poms (2019) Movie Script
1
You know...
you think that when you get old,
you'll pass on all your junk to your kids,
and it'll become their problem
to deal with
when you're gone.
Guess what?
I never had any kids.
And I've got a whole lot of junk.
Morning.
- Hi.
-Can I help with anything?
-You want anything?
-Thank you. Just looking.
So, here I am.
I'll give it to you for 30. It's okay.
You can have this, look.
-That's 15.
-Yeah, thanks.
Got that? Thirty-five.
I just love estate sales.
You know, 'cause they, like,
give you a glimpse into a person's life.
Eighty-three fifty.
Did you know the owner?
-I did.
-How did she die?
Cancer.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Who was she?
Nice choice.
Thank you very much.
I have lived
in this same apartment for 46 years.
Ugh!
-I don't know where the years have gone.
Oh, my God.
Ah, my mom.
She used to say that we don't die.
We live on through the memories
we leave behind.
Goodbye.
I guess this is it for me.
Sometimes I'm tired and I wonder
What's so all-fired important
About being someplace at some time
Oh, but I don't really mind
'Cause I could be on Easy Street
And I know that you've got to take
The bitter with the sweet
I guess it gets to everyone
You think you're not having any fun
And you wonder what you're doing
Playing the games you play
Hey, well, it's true what they say
If you want to feel complete
Don't you know that you've got to take
The bitter with the sweet
Hi, Martha.
This is Lindsey from Dr. Lee's office.
You missed your appointment this morning.
- I'd like to cancel, actually.
-Ugh...
No, I mean, what I'm saying is
I'd like to cancel all my appointments.
But your chemo starts next week.
You should really just speak with her.
No, Lindsey!
I'm not doing the treatment.
A friend of mine once told me
And I know he knows
All about feelin' down
He said everything good in life
You've got to pay for
But feelin' good
Is what you're paving the way for
Come on!
What? Oh, c-- Anytime!
Sorry, but yeah.
Okay, go on by!
Go ahead!
Really? Wow.
Hi!
Hey there!
Oh, my God.
Oh, hi there!
Hello!
You've got to take the bitter
With the sweet
You've got to take
The bitter with the sweet
The bitter with the
Sweet
Sweet, sweet
Oh
Oh!
Oh, shoot.
You like that one?
Yeah, I'll take it.
Oh, my goodness! You must be Martha!
Huh? Oh.
I'm Vicki.
-This is Gayle and Barbara.
-Hey!
-Hello!
-We are the welcoming committee.
And this is for you.
Oh. Oh! Ah!
-I'm sorry!
-Excuse me. I'm sorry.
-That's fine. Don't worry about it.
-You got it.
-Anyway...
-Just a little southern hospitality.
Now, what brings you to Sun Springs?
Oh, I'm just here to die.
Well, I think we can aim
a little bit higher than that.
Let's get started with the tour.
-Uh-huh.
-What do you mean, the tour?
-You're official!
-Wait, whoa.
-Yeah, let's go.
-You gotta protect that pretty skin.
-Oh, yeah.
-If you're gonna tackle this one.
- So sorry.
-We'll put that in your front yard.
All right, put your hands up!
Come on, don't be lazy!
We've got everything you could ever need.
We've got three golf courses,
two bowling alleys,
oh, an indoor pool,
and the outdoor pool.
-The works.
-Yeah.
I always say,
if you are bored in Sun Springs,
you just need to be watered.
-It's true.
-Yeah.
-She always says that.
-She does.
Let's move on.
All our residents are required to join
at least one club.
Oh.
Now, there are over 100 of 'em.
In the unlikely event that you can't find
the right club for you,
-fun fact!
-What?
You can start your own!
Gayle and I started a club
called the Southern Belles.
Oh, is that a fact, Vicki?
I'm not allowed to join.
It's called the Southern Belles.
It's not called the Wisconsin Belles.
I don't know how many times
I have to explain that to you.
Oh, and the biggest event of the year
is the Senior Showcase.
-Oh.
-Oh, my God!
Really?
All of Sun Springs' talent on one stage.
The whole community
comes out to watch. It's a real hoot.
You're gonna love it, Martha.
Well, I mean, I'll, uh...
Obviously, I will be sure
and check my calendar.
-Great.
-But if you'll excuse me, ladies,
I just want to say thanks for the tour.
I should get going, though.
I really should--
Wait. No, you haven't done
your safety training.
My what?
Safety training.
Uh-huh.
As Chief of Security,
it's my job to keep our residents safe.
I run a team of highly trained volunteers,
just like Dorris here.
Say hi, Dorris.
-Hi!
-Hello, Dorris.
All tips are anonymous.
So if you see something, say something.
Like what?
Overgrown hedges.
Excessive lawn ornamentation.
If someone has their Christmas lights on
past New Years, that's a big one.
Very big.
Well, are you authorized
to use deadly force?
Excuse me?
Well, let's just say it's July
and my neighbor hasn't taken down
his Christmas lights.
Are you gonna have the guts
to do what it takes?
Well...
mostly we just issue citations.
I'm glad you find this so amusing!
Oh!
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
-Hi! Moving in?
-Oh. Yeah.
I was hoping you'd be a man.
Excuse me?
Did you know single women outlive
single men by almost ten years?
And Lord knows there's not enough
erections around here as it is.
Oh, we're talkin' erections, huh? Wow.
I'm Sheryl.
-Sheryl.
-I live next door.
-Yes, Sheryl. Good to meet you.
-Hey, you don't play poker, do you?
Because I run a weekly game,
and we could sure use another player.
It's all very hush-hush because
gambling's not allowed around here,
like most things that are worthwhile.
You should drop by tonight
and say hi to the guys.
God, you know, it's been a very...
Look, it's a long day for me.
I just moved in, and...
But thanks,
I really appreciate what you're...
-The invitation's sweet.
-I get it.
It's really nice.
Thanks so much for coming by.
- See ya.
- Great.
Ugh, God. Bye!
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
That's it.
- Okay.
Let's go. Move it.
- I'll play! You want one or two?
- Hey!
Oh, God damn it.
Hello?
Oh, God.
Hello?
Yes.
We'll send somebody right over.
Hey, Chief.
What is it, Dorris?
Well, we got a 314 in progress
over there on Pleasant Valley Drive.
Somebody's getting raped?
Well, now...
Mmm...
What's a noise complaint?
That's a 315.
Oh. Well, yeah, that's the one.
Let's go, let's go!
Come on.
-Oh!
Oh.
Hey! You didn't call the cops on me,
did you?
Because if there's a problem,
I hope you can just come straight to me.
Well, of course.
I mean, the same goes for you.
Good. We need somewhere to hide.
-We?
-Come on, guys.
I'm sorry, but...
- This'll work! Over here!
- I'll set this up.
- Well, I--
-Howdy!
-Ma'am.
-Hello.
- Get this out the way.
- Hey, Martha.
- Mm-hmm.
-You want a beer?
Uh, no, no. Thanks so much.
- Let's do it! Here we go!
- Okay, let's go.
Oh, snacks!
Mm-hmm. There you go.
Sorry about the intrusion.
No, that's fine.
That's absolutely fine.
I really love having strange men
in my house at all hours of the night.
But who is that?
Oh, that's, uh, Ben.
He's Sheryl's gardener.
- Really?
- God.
- Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Okay, thank you.
-All right.
-All right. Come on. Ante up now.
- What is this?
- No, that's rubbish.
Oh.
-Evening, ma'am.
-Evening.
I just wanted to follow up on your call.
Oh, well, don't worry.
Everything's absolutely fine now.
-No, ma'am. I'm afraid it is not.
-Huh?
It's never that quiet over there.
I didn't see anyone in the house,
but there were clear signs of subterfuge.
Subterfuge?
Yes, ma'am.
It's like chicanery or evasion.
I just want you to know
that Dorris and I will be on stake-out.
- Mm-hmm.
-Thank you. All right, bye.
- That's for me, Hank.
- All right.
Here we go. It's on you, Sheryl.
Hey, Martha!
You want a beer?
- You wanna play? We're raising.
Good night, everyone.
- Bye now.
-We'll whisper.
-Pay up, boys!
-Just shut up!
God, I can't take it.
- Hey!
-Hey there!
-Oh, whoa!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Yeah, hi, hello.
-Hey.
I wanna take you to lunch.
-That isn't really necessary.
-To say thank you for last night.
-Whoa! What a night, right?
-Come on, I don't take no for an answer!
I gathered that.
I bet you haven't got other plans.
-Okay, fine.
-Then hop in.
-Hop in. We'll be late.
-I got it. I'll get in right now.
-This'll be...
-I promise you'll love it.
Playing with the Queen of Hearts
So what brings you
to Sun Springs?
Well, I heard really good things
about the Southern Belles.
- The Southern Belles.
-Yeah.
Gimme a break.
Bunch of mean, old gals
and their stupid club.
- Sheryl!
-Hi!
Good to see ya!
Hey.
What clubs do you belong to?
Well, I just turn up,
pretend I'm interested,
and eat all the free food.
Will we be seeing you perform
at the Senior Showcase
I've heard so much about?
Oh, no.
My only talents are poker and poking.
Poker and poking?
Where are you taking me?
The real perk about this place...
is that people are constantly dying.
They list all the funerals in the papers,
and there's always tons of free food.
-Here, put this in your purse.
-No, no, no, no. No.
Put it in your own purse, okay?
Thanks.
Well, mine's already full.
Just shove it in.
-No, I don't really want to.
-Oh, okay.
Shall we go pay our respects?
-Okay, I'm outta here.
-Do you want to have a drink?
No, no, I'll have a drink later, thanks.
I'm outta here.
Hey, Martha! It's Sheryl!
We're going to bingo
and we'd love for you to join us.
There's some great prizes!
Listen, I'm sorry
about taking you to that wake.
I know you didn't like it. I'm sorry.
It was...
Anyway,
give me a call, would you?
I haven't seen you.
I'd love to... You know, bingo's fun.
Oh, hi, Martha.
I was hoping you'd pick up.
We're going bowling
and we'd love you to join us.
I can teach you.
It's simple. It's all in the wrist.
So give a call, why don't you?
Bye!
Oh.
Oh.
I'm Tim Nichols.
Now, death can be expensive.
There's the embalming, the caskets,
the flowers,
the funeral and cemetery fees,
just to name a few.
If you ever wondered
if there's a better way,
well, now there is.
Send your loved one off in style
by sending their ashes up
in one of our custom-made
funeral fireworks.
I guarantee they'll get a bang out of it.
What?
What?
Oh, my God, what is this?
What the hell are you doing?!
What am I doing?
Oh, my God! I thought you were a burglar!
You haven't been out of this place
for days!
I thought you'd slipped in the shower
or something.
I was worried the cats
were getting at you.
I don't have cats.
Jesus Christ!
-You could've killed me with that thing!
-I know.
Who are you?
Let's have some wine.
-Come on, let's sit down.
-Oh!
Okay, yeah.
Oh, my God, Jesus Christ.
I'm really sorry
about being such a bitch at the wake.
I was mad about something else,
and, you know,
I shouldn't have
taken it out on you, and...
No, I'm sorry for telling you what to do.
You're a grown-ass woman.
You can do whatever you want.
Yeah.
What's this?
Oh, no, it's just a bunch of old junk.
You were a cheerleader?
Oh, aren't you full of surprises?
Ms. Pep Squad.
Queen of the campus.
Yeah, in another life,
I guess you'd call it.
I used to just come running home
so that I could practice all afternoon,
and it drove my mom totally crazy.
That's how bad I wanted it.
Yeah.
And I tried out three times
and I never made the cut.
But get this.
Finally, in my senior year,
I made the varsity squad.
Better late than never!
Yeah. On the day before our first game...
I found out
that my mother was very sick, so...
I, uh...
I quit the team, you know,
started to take care of her.
Man, you know. Oh, my God. I...
You know, I never...
I never did perform.
- Oh.
-No, that's...
Maybe you should give it another shot.
Yeah, maybe the Dallas Cowgirls
have an opening, right?
Yeah.
-You know what?
-What?
I really love this.
- Mm-hmm.
-I think it's kinda... sexy.
Don't you think?
Uh, hey...
Could I borrow this?
-No.
No, I can't?
-No, of course you can!
'Cause I'm taking pictures
for my Jdate profile.
I didn't know you were Jewish.
Oh, I'm not.
Hey.
I'm glad you're not cat food.
Yeah, thanks.
-See ya.
-Yeah, see you.
Hello?
-Hello?
-Hey. Shh.
Sheryl's not here.
Who are you anyway? I mean...
And don't give me that nonsense
about being the gardener--
I live here. They don't let anyone
under 55 live here,
so I gotta keep a low profile.
Oh. So Sheryl likes 'em young,
does she, huh?
What?
Oh.
-What?
-Sheryl is my-- my grandma.
Oh.
Yeah.
And where is she anyway, huh?
She substitute teaches at my school
when she needs the extra cash,
so she's down there.
Sheryl's a teacher?
If you can call it that.
I pretend to be sick whenever she's there.
It's kinda humiliating.
Miss Ferris is away sick,
so we'll be watching a movie.
-Yes?
-What's the movie?
It's an educational video
about the dangers of STDs.
Are you even qualified to be teaching us?
What's your name?
Chloe.
Well, Chloe, the state of Georgia
has surprisingly low standards
for substitute teachers.
If you've got a problem with that,
you take it up with your congressman.
Okay, but we're supposed to be studying
Romeo and Juliet.
Well, today you'll be studying gonorrhea.
So you wanna have sex?
You should know
what's up before getting down.
Yeah!
Sex can be fun, but there's STDs
Some can be cured
But some you can't treat
Uh-oh, herpes! Oh, no, hep B!
Whoa, oh! What if it's HIV?
And one, two, three, four...
So you're a teacher, huh?
Well, I like to think of myself
as more of a life coach.
I was a teacher.
-Yeah?
-Yes, yes.
Do you ever miss it?
Sometimes. I mean, God, the hours
were long and the pay was ridiculous,
but yeah, I guess I...
I guess miss it.
So, what are you doing here?
I have an announcement to make.
We're starting a cheerleading club
at Sun Springs.
Is that the set-up or the punchline?
No, no, no. I'm really serious, right?
I mean, I have to join a club.
I don't like any of their clubs, so...
I'm creating my own.
-Yes, come on, seriously!
You do know how old you are.
What's the difference? I mean, we'll learn
a few moves. There's nothing to it. I--
Hey, what's this "we"?
I know this sounds so crazy, but I...
I can't do it without you.
What's in it for me?
Well, what do you want?
I want you to teach Ben how to drive. He--
All of the other kids
have got their license.
I think he's embarrassed.
I'd teach him myself,
but I don't have a car.
Yeah, no, I can't do that.
Cannot do that.
Well, that's the deal.
Take it or leave it.
You're the one who told me I should
take up cheerleading again, right?
Well, I-I didn't mean literally.
It was more of a metaphor for, you know,
getting laid or something.
-You know.
So next up we have
Martha Walker's application.
Okay.
Um...
We're starting a cheerleading club.
Well.
But who will you be cheering for?
Ourselves.
And, of course, we will be performing
for the Senior Showcase.
Oh, will you?
Well, I'm sorry, but we can't allow this.
Oh, come off it! Why not?
Well, insurance, for one thing.
There's nothing dangerous about this.
It's just for fun.
Well, we also have
Sun Spring's reputation to think about.
It's cheerleading, not pole dancing.
Sorry.
Were you ever a cheerleader, Martha?
Not exactly.
Well, I was.
Captain of my squad.
What a surprise!
And it's a lot more physically demanding
than people realize.
Even for younger women.
And may I suggest that you form a club
that's a little more...
age appropriate.
Well, I do believe that you told me
that if I...
if I didn't find a club
that I really liked, I could start my own.
Uh...
- How many members do you have?
-So far...
Uh...
Just two.
I'm sorry.
You need eight members
to form an official club.
Well, then,
we're gonna find eight members.
Hi, I'm Olive.
I don't have any cheerleading experience,
but my husband and I,
we take a tango class.
Oh.
It was either tango or a divorce, so--
You could just show us what you've got.
Let me begin.
When marimba rhythms start to play
Dance with me
Make me sway
Like the lazy ocean hugs the shore
Hold me close
Sway me more
-That was fantastic!
-Sweet.
-Whoo!
- Let's go, girls
Come on
Wow!
I'm going out tonight
I'm feelin' all right
Gonna let it all hang out
Want to make some noise
-Woo-hoo!
- Really raise my voice
Yeah, I want to scream and shout
Oh!
I don't know
what to say about this one.
Namaste.
Namaste.
Oh. N-nstay.
Namaste.
Namaste, excuse me. Namaste.
Ruby Jenkins! Aerobics!
Take it away!
I'm every woman
It's all in me
Anything you want done, baby
I'll do it naturally
I'm every woman
-Uh-huh.
-Oh, yeah.
I'm every woman
Whoa!
I'm every woman
I haven't done that in years.
Wow, that was great.
Where did you learn to do that?
I was Miss Carney County...
runner-up.
-Mmm.
-What did the winner do?
Had sex with the judges.
-Oh.
Here. No speeding, okay?
Do exactly what I tell you to do
when I tell you to do it.
Now you've got that? You got it?
-Got it.
-Okay.
What you're going to do
is you're going to back up
and look in your mirrors. Right? Go ahead.
Look, that's good. That's good.
Back up a little.
Nice and easy. Pretty good.
Right there, that's enough.
Now, I want you to pull forward
and signal.
Okay? Pull forward.
Oh!
Okay.
You ran right into me!
Do you know how to drive?
Not really.
Oh, my God! My mom's gonna kill me!
Okay, don't worry about it. I'll just
get the insurance. It'll be fine.
I'm sorry, I...
-Ugh.
- That's crazy.
Oogum oogum boogum boogum
Boogum, now, baby
You're castin' your spell on me
Aren't you hungry?
No, I'm fine. I-I don't...
really have much of an appetite
right now. So...
It must've been embarrassing for you
back there, huh?
It's fine.
They all think I'm a weirdo anyway.
Why?
'Cause I live in a retirement community.
Yeah, I mean, why do you live here?
My parents weren't really
the parenting... types.
-Can I ask you something?
-Yeah, shoot. Yeah.
Why did you move to Sun Springs?
I don't know.
I guess I just wanted to get away.
I wanted to simplify my life.
Is it working?
Not really.
-Right.
Oh, God, you know what?
We're still one woman short.
Well, it's probably for the best.
I mean, I love those gals...
-Uh-huh.
-But, oh, let's face it!
They're not really cheerleaders.
You know, you're supposed to be
helping me, right?
Remember, six women
signed up for the try-outs, but--
Only five showed up.
So, who's the sixth?
Nice place you got here.
It's very...
themed.
Oh, yes.
My husband, he enjoys the game.
Oh, do you play golf, by the way?
-Oh, no!
- No?
No.
So, um, Alice,
we notice you signed up
for the cheerleading try-outs.
Oh, yes, I saw your flyer.
It sounded fun.
Oh, why didn't you come?
Well, I wanted to.
But my husband doesn't like me out
too much on my own.
I took a sewing class last year,
and he had to make his own dinners
on Wednesday nights.
Well, that sounds traumatic, of course.
What if we practiced in the morning,
and then you could get home
in time for dinner?
Yeah!
Yeah, well, it's not just that.
-No?
-No.
-He's worried about the morality of it.
-The morality?
Yes, he says that anyone who wants to be
a cheerleader at my age
is either a slut or a whore.
-And probably both.
Maybe he should just take
his caveman-like opinions
-and shove them up his you know what.
-Hey!
-I mean-- Oh, sorry.
-Alice, we're just a bunch of nice ladies.
-looking for some clean, wholesome fun.
-Okay, yes.
What do ya say?
Well, I always did
want to be a cheerleader.
Maybe I could ask him one more time.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Go on.
Good luck.
-"Good luck." Oh, my gosh.
She's a sweetheart.
She's very sweet.
Very sweet.
God, he really loves golf.
- He sounds like such an asshole.
- Okay, here she comes.
So...
-Did you ask him?
-I did.
And? What'd he say?
"Over my dead body!"
Oh, God.
That was fast, wasn't it?
A little too fast, if you ask me.
No, he confused his meds.
I'm sure Alice didn't want to kill him.
Well, she always
wanted to be a cheerleader.
Oh, come on. The woman is devastated.
I'm sure it was the last thing
that was on her mind.
See you at practice.
Hello, everyone!
Hi!
-Good morning.
-Hi.
- Morning.
-Wow, look at you all.
I think we should try
something very simple to begin.
So, if you don't mind,
I would really enjoy
seeing you getting into a straight line.
We're gonna try
some very simple positions.
Now, watch me.
So, it's on the count of three.
It's one, two, three, boom!
You got that? Straight arms!
One, two, three, boom!
Jump!
Not quite good.
-What-- what's the matter?
I'm sorry.
- I have a sore shoulder.
-You can't bend it?
I had to take an aspirin...
-Oh!
-Oh, honey!
Can I put this down? I have--
Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Good.
-I have to be careful!
- Hm?
I had my knee replaced last year.
Well, that's-- No, that's perfectly fine.
You can just bend at your hips.
I can't jump too much 'cause I get dizzy.
When I jump too much, I get dizzy.
-You do?
-Yeah.
Martha, maybe we should make a list
of everybody's conditions.
We're not making a list.
-You got my dizziness down, right?
-Yeah, got that.
And sciatica.
-I have the sciatica.
-Oh, right.
- And my wrist.
-Oh!
Did I mention I had chlamydia?
Yeah, that and a shocking amount
of other personal information,
so can we get back to rehearsing?
But what about you, Martha?
Do you have anything to report?
No. I'm fine. I'm actually-- I'm--
I'm just as fit as a fiddle.
Uh, hi. Excuse me, are-- are you Martha?
And you are who?
I'm Tom Lendl. I'm Helen's son.
Is everything all right?
Well, no. Uh, it isn't.
My mother said she needs $100
for some cheerleading club?
Yeah, why is that any of your business?
I handle my mother's finances.
Well, if Helen has a problem,
she can talk to me,
we'll work something out.
-My mother doesn't need money. Okay?
-Okay.
She's got plenty of money.
My father left her... quite a lot.
It's up to me to make sure
she spends it wisely.
Mmm.
I'm sure you're aware of the fact
that your mother is an adult.
Well, I don't know if you're aware,
but this place is a cesspool...
-...of con artists and salesmen.
All trying to take advantage
of gullible old women.
It's true!
Thank you, Carl.
I can handle this, okay?
One hundred dollars.
For what?
Uniforms for the Senior Showcase.
Uniforms?
-Yeah!
Funny?
-You think that's funny?
A little. Yes.
Nobody wants to see
a bunch of 80-year-olds
running around in short skirts.
Uh-huh.
It's not gonna happen.
Let's go.
Martha, Vicki here.
The committee regretfully denies
your request for more time to rehearse
in the recreation center.
Now, I'm sure you understand.
We have to prioritize
the more established clubs
-in the lead-up to the Senior Showcase.
So, what's the first thing you're gonna do
when you get your driver's license?
-Got any hot dates planned?
I don't even have a car.
Yeah, so? I mean, get a job and buy one.
-I have a job.
- Oh?
But most of my money goes to Sheryl
to help out with the rent.
I work at this pizza place.
So, hang on.
Why don't you come work for us?
Because we need music in our rehearsals...
-...and you'd be a great DJ.
No, thank you.
- Yes!
-I think it's embarrassing enough already.
No, come on.
How about 40 bucks a rehearsal?
Huh?
I've gotta show you
something, here.
Mmm...
Look at this!
Look at this, we got pom-poms!
Great! Fantastic!
Oh, my goodness!
All right, everybody?
Okay, you ready?
Okay, here I go.
Now, five, six, seven, eight.
Jump one, hold two.
Arms three, hold four.
Hips five, six.
Clap seven, punch eight!
Got it? Should we do it again?
Want me to do it one more time for you?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay.
-This is crazy.
-Ready, and...
Jump one!
Hold two, arms three.
Hold four.
Hips five, six.
Clap seven.
Punch eight!
Do you think you have it? All right!
Know what we're gonna do?
Put this baby to music.
Ben, you got the music there?
-I got it. Little old school but I got it.
-Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the opinion. And here we go.
-Jump one.
Hold two. Arms three.
Hold four.
Hips five, six.
Clap seven.
Punch eight!
See the people walking down the street
Fall in line
Just watchin' all their feet
They don't know where they want to go
But they're walking in time
They got the beat
They got the beat
They got the beat
Yeah, they got the beat
Keep going. Come on, you can do it!
Faster! You can do it even faster!
All the kids
Just getting out of school
They can't wait
To hang out and be cool
No! Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no. We gotta take this from the top.
- Yup.
-Come on!
- All right?
Now look, Alice, here's the problem here.
I'm really sorry about this,
but you're too slow.
-You got--
-What bullshit!
Whoa.
Oh.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
My husband didn't like it when I cursed,
so now that he's gone,
I'm gonna give it a shot.
Yeah, I'm also gonna try reefer cigarettes
and cunnilingus.
- Yeah, there you go!
-Yes!
Okay! Thanks for sharing.
Okay, let's... let's go with this
one more time!
Let's do it! You can do it!
Cunnilingus! Go!
- We got the beat
- We got the beat
We got the beat
-Bye, ladies.
-Hey!
-See you later.
-See you later.
The girls are gonna have a drink.
You wanna come?
You know, quite frankly,
we need more rehearsal time, not drinks,
because you know why?
We look like a bunch of old ladies
out there.
We are a bunch of old ladies
out there.
And where are we gonna practice?
I mean, Vicki will hardly let us
use this space as it is.
No, but you need to get us a space
at the school.
No, I can't do that.
I'm in big trouble at the school.
I was caught handing out prophylactics
in the girls' bathroom.
Mm-hmm. The Senior Showcase
is in two weeks
and we need rehearsals.
Okay.
I'll ask the principal.
He's got a crush on me. It could work.
Well, all right. Okay.
All right.
And one.
And two.
And keep your form, ladies. With the curl.
And three.
And four.
Come on, keep that form!
It's all about that bone density!
Welcome to the gun show, Helen.
There you go. Ooh, look at those guns!
-Look at that!
-I love it.
All right, girl.
Okay, now, chest presses. And one.
And two.
-Ladies.
-And three.
- Gettin' ready for the showcase?
- And four.
Yes, indeed, Miss Vicki.
I'm sorry that we had to cancel
your rehearsal tomorrow.
I realize that you have got
a lot of training to get done.
Well, don't you worry about it,
because Sheryl's already found us
a better place to rehearse.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, really?
Where might that be?
Come on. This way, ladies.
What are we doing here?
Oh, so this is what it's like
being a cheerleader.
Oh.
I feel like pushing someone into a locker.
- Oh, cougar alert!
Guys, guys.
You gotta listen to me for a second.
-You can't do this.
- Huh?
Okay? This is a bad, bad idea.
-Oh, don't be so dramatic.
-Grandma...
You are going to humiliate yourself
in front of the entire school!
The entire school?
The entire school,
what're we talking about here, huh?
-Huh?
-You don't know?
No!
This is what you wanted.
No, this is not what I wanted.
I wanted a space to rehearse in.
-That's what this is.
-No, this...
This is a pep rally.
-Yeah.
-Right?
There's a whole school out there,
and we're not ready for an audience, okay?
We can't cancel!
You have no idea what I had to go through
with the principal
just to make this happen!
Well, well, well!
-Oh!
-If it isn't the teacher of the year!
Isn't there a quarterback somewhere
you need to be giving a handjob?
Okay, just...
All right, do you mind just
stepping outside for a moment, please?
What? No!
This is our pep rally! They already
made us cut a minute off our routine.
Okay, but just give us a second, okay?
-Whatever.
-Whatever.
I just hope your moves
are a little more up-to-date than you are.
You bitches wanna rumble?
Oh, weird.
Yeah.
See ya out there.
Son of a whore.
Look how young they are!
Oh, good booties.
-And they're really good.
-Mm-hmm.
Ah, they're not that good.
You're blind.
Wow!
I want someone who can dance
Not someone I can talk to
I want someone who can dance
-Yeah!
- I want someone who can dance
Not someone I can talk to
I want someone who can dance
I want someone who can dance
Not someone I can talk to
I want someone who can dance
I want someone who can dance
Let's give it up
for our very own
Hillview High cheerleaders!
Go, come on! Let's go! Let's go!
Break a hip.
Get pregnant.
Okay, excuse me.
-Let's go, girls.
- Next up, a special treat.
A performance
from the Sun Springs All Stars.
-Ruby, come on.
- Move aside, girls.
Now these are
the real senior cheerleaders.
- Check this out, man.
Hello, thank you.
All right. Positions, okay. Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
Come on.
Okay? Music!
Hey, Danny,
want me to get her number for you?
Five, six, seven, eight...
Three, six, nine
The goose drank wine
The monkey chew tobacco
On the street car line
The line broke
The monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven
In a little rowboat
Oh, my God, I can't believe this!
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Oh, sorry!
Right hand
Clap, pat
Clap your hand
Cross it to your left arm
Pat you partner's left palm
Clap, pat
Clap your hand
Move it from your right arm
Ow!
Oh! Oh, God! I hurt my ankle!
-Oh!
-She's not okay. She's not okay.
- That's all right. It's okay.
-Get the medic.
-Get some ice, right now.
Oh! Ooh!
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine!
Everyone's making a fuss.
-Are you sure?
- Yes.
I told you we weren't ready. We made
complete fools of ourselves out there.
-Oh, shit!
-What?
-What?
-What?
What now?
- That's us!
- Oh, no!
- Could I see?
-It already has 20,000 views.
- Oh!
-Well, you gotta take it down.
-I can't take it off.
-There has to be a way, right?
-I mean, some technical--
-No, it's there.
"Old cheerleaders fail."
Oh.
Okay.
- Can I see?
What? What's going on?
Wait, you posted it?
Yeah.
Why would you do that?
Because it's hilarious.
This is totally going viral.
Wow.
What?
What?
I blame myself.
I mean, this is just the sort of thing
that I knew would happen.
Not only has one of our residents
suffered a serious injury,
but now her son is threatening a lawsuit.
Is there anything
that you ladies care to say?
No.
Then let's put it to a vote.
All of those in favor of the ban.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
- Yes for me.
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
It's unanimous.
You are hereby ordered
to cease all club activities.
Thank you.
Well, what did she expect
going out like that?
Where are you going?
Home.
Hold on, hold on! There's more!
You think they're talkin' about us?
I don't know.
Not today, Satan.
Local residents
from Sun Springs Retirement Community
have become a viral internet sensation
-following a disastrous performance...
- Screw you!
...at a high school pep rally last Tuesday.
Hey, Mom.
It's time for you to get some rest.
I am resting.
Mother, Susan and I
are gonna be staying here for a while.
No, that won't be necessary.
Yes, I think it is necessary.
What's wrong with you lately?
I just miss cheerleading.
Please give a round of applause
to the Calibray Club!
Oh, and our next act, the sunscreen,
always got a full tan!
- Hey.
- Hi!
Are you around?
So...
you went to the Showcase?
Well, I drove by. I didn't go inside. I--
Oh, it's too bad.
We had a real shot at that trophy.
Do you really think so?
-Not really.
I'm just trying to be supportive.
Yeah, right.
Listen, I am sorry about the pep rally.
It was a dumb idea.
No, it's not your fault.
-It was.
-You know, I...
I miss the girls, though.
Yeah, me too.
I've never had a lot of girlfriends.
It's quite nice.
Hmm?
I miss you, too.
I miss you!
- Really?
Oh, my goodness.
-On the bright side...
-Uh-huh.
We're up to half a million hits.
Look at this.
I'd like to get my hands
on whoever posted that. Okay?
I can't...
Hey, wait a minute.
-What do you mean?
-Shh.
-Listen. Listen.
-Okay.
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God!
The little...
-That is Chloe's voice!
-It was.
-It's Chloe!
-Yeah.
That's right.
The cheerleader did this, okay?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Oh.
-Shit.
-Are you sure this is a good idea?
Yes, we're gonna talk to her parents,
and I'm sure they're going to understand.
I don't think her parents are home.
-Oh.
Uh...
This is all...
What a nightmare! Ugh!
Is this what a teenage party is all about?
Oh, hey. Look.
Hey, Chloe.
Oh, shit!
Did you think that was funny?
Did you and your friends have a big laugh
at all the old ladies?
I guess it wasn't enough just
to humiliate us in front of the school.
You had to share it with the whole world.
Isn't it enough to be pretty, and smart,
and popular?
You have to knock
everybody else down, too?
I mean, what, wait a minute now.
No clever retort, huh?
You have nothing to say at all?
Oh.
-Oh, dear.
-Oh, dear.
-Oh.
Okay...
-No, it's all--
-Hey, hey.
It's all right. It's okay.
There's nothing to cry about, okay?
Don't worry. Don't... don't cry!
No, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know they were gonna post it.
I promise.
God, you must hate me!
Oh, we don't hate you.
Actually, we need you.
For what?
Well, we want you to be our choreographer.
- Yeah.
- That's right.
We're putting our squad back together,
and as you may have noticed,
we have a few rough edges,
but we've seen you. We have.
You're good.
-Yeah.
-And we need some of that.
But... with school
and cheering, I...
I just don't have the time.
-Oh.
-Oh, that's a shame.
Isn't it, Martha?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a real shame.
Oh, but you know
what would be a real shame?
What's that?
If Chloe's parents found out
about this totally epic party.
Oh, that'd be a terrible shame.
You wouldn't.
We might.
Try us.
God.
Good morning, ladies.
What is she doing here?
This is Chloe, right?
Chloe has something
that she wants to say to everyone.
I was the one who took the video.
-Oh, boy.
-Oh, come on. Jeez.
Look, I-I never meant
for it to be posted online,
and I'm sorry.
-I'm really sorry.
-Glad you got that off your chest.
I'm sorry, but there's more
that Chloe has to say. Go on, Chloe.
Uh...
And I would really love
to help coach you guys.
Why would we let her coach us?
Because, Olive,
in case you haven't noticed,
we could do with a little help.
We're not even a club anymore.
-Vicki banned us.
-Oh, forget Vicki!
-We will practice in secret.
-Practice for what?
The Showcase is over.
We're gonna find someplace else
to perform, okay?
We humiliated ourselves. Everybody saw it.
And that's the reason
why we need to do this.
To prove we're not some joke
and to show the world
what we can really do!
We really can do this
if we do this together.
Huh?
All right, ladies. I want you to look
at your reflection in the mirror, okay?
What are we doing?
Just look at your reflection, Ruby.
I want you to really, really look
in that mirror,
and take in yourselves, right?
Look closely.
We're all so self-conscious,
and we're all so worried
about what everyone else is thinking,
when, of course, the only thing
that really matters
is what we think of ourselves.
Really, I want you to take yourself in.
Now, on the count of three,
I want you to say one thing
you like about yourselves.
Oh, gosh.
You can't be serious.
My tits!
-Uh, not yet. Not yet.
Let's wait until the count of three.
What if you don't like anything?
Well, what do you mean?
Then you're not looking hard enough.
You just have to find
what's great about yourselves, okay?
All right. Ready?
Look.
Now...
one,
two, three!
My hair.
-Oh!
So beautiful.
Thank you.
And?
My hands.
My hands.
My smile.
Look at that smile. Okay.
-Damn it.
-And no...
Okay, my wrist.
-Okay.
They take blood really good.
-I found another good feature of yours.
Well...
But what about me? What's good about me?
There's not one thing.
Oh, stop!
All right, let's work! Let's go!
Come on, Chloe!
-Oh.
- Hm?
-A competition?
- Mm-hmm.
This is a really big deal.
People come from all over to compete.
You guys can't compete
next to real cheerleaders.
-Yes, we can!
-The oldest category is 18 plus!
- Uh-huh.
-So what? We're 18 plus.
- Yeah.
-Eighteen plus 50.
Yeah.
-Oh, look.
- What?
It's on in three weeks.
Well, that's okay, because
Chloe's gonna help us.
-Right, Chloe?
-No!
No, you guys didn't say anything
about a competition!
Do you know how much training
that involves?
People train for a year, not three weeks!
Okay...
What do you think?
I say screw it. Let's sign up.
-Oh, my God.
-Yes.
-Come on.
-Yes!
Let's just start with our feet
a little wider than shoulder width,
like so.
And we're just gonna start
with some really easy movement.
So, bring your left arm like this.
Left. Good!
Down, right.
And back up, left.
Right, left!
Left, right!
Left and dirty!
Yes, sexy!
Whoo!
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
I been feeling it since 1966, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still
All up in the air, and throw it.
Two, three.
Did you try to hit me?
-You make mash-ups, right?
-Yeah, yeah, I can.
Could you maybe
cut something together for us?
Yeah, for sure.
Oh, yes! Thank you so much!
Leave her with a babysitter
-Two, three, four, five!
-Five!
Come on! Come on, ladies! Keep up!
Move it, Alice!
Punch, punch, one, two, three.
Punch, punch, one, two, three. Punch!
Might've had your fill
But you feel it still
Just let me change
out of this dance stuff.
Maybe you could just leave it on.
Oh?
I always wanted to date a cheerleader.
Ra, ra, ra! Ra, ra, ra!
We could fight a war for peace
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
Give in to that easy living
Goodbye to my hopes and dreams
You feel that?
Right?
Lean in. Get super, super low. Lower.
Oh, my God!
Five, six, seven, eight...
What's going on with you?
Where've you been?
Sorry, it's been really crazy. So, I...
Well, get your shit together.
You miss one more practice
and we're voting you off the squad.
-Are you okay?
-No, I'm fine.
You look like shit.
Thank you. No, I haven't been
sleeping well. I'm fine.
-You're so skinny.
-Uh-huh. Let's get started, okay?
Is that new?
Thought we could use
a little bit more bass.
Ah. You've shown a lot of interest lately,
haven't you?
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
I been feeling it since 1966, now
Might be over now
But I feel it still
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
Let me kick it like it's 1986, now
Might be over now
But I feel it still
Might've had your fill
But you feel it still
Do you think you're irreplaceable?
Well, I like to think I bring
a certain dignity to the position.
Do you think that I would hesitate
to take your little badge,
and take your little cards,
and give 'em to Dorris?
Dorris is a trainee.
She doesn't have the experience.
They are up to something! I know it!
And either you are too stupid
to find it out,
-or you're just not even trying!
-Mm-hmm.
Well, I am definitely trying.
Well, then find out what they're plannin'
and shut it down!
Or I'll shut you down!
- Yeah!
Backstabber!
So, Chloe,
I've been working on an idea.
Something that, I don't know,
would make us stand out.
You know?
Trust me, you guys are gonna stand out.
Yeah, but I do want you to bear with me.
All right?
-You can do it.
-Okay.
Okay, I'm down.
-Okay.
-Show us then.
-All right.
-I'm excited to see it.
Mmm.
Oh, here we are! Okay.
Are you ready for the new move? All right.
-New move?
-Yes?
Oh, I didn't tell you?
-Oh.
-Right? What do you think?
-Wanna try it or not?
- Yeah.
I knew you would!
-I wanna see it.
-I'm not surprised.
That's nice!
There was something about--
Maybe we should have
those elbows stick out wider.
And...
Walk, walk, walk!
Nod, nod, nod, nod!
It's sexual.
Walk, walk, walk, walk!
Whoo!
Unh, unh.
Now, that was fantastic!
This is good, right?
Oh, you're strong.
That's it, let's do it.
Walk, walk, nod, nod.
It's hard this time.
No, we got it, we got it.
We're gonna be fine. Okay? Ready, and...
Walk, walk, walk.
Unh, unh, unh, unh.
Okay, um, let's do it one more time.
-Excuse me, can you take over, Chloe?
-Yeah. Of course.
Okay, that's good. Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah. I like this move.
Let's get it. Left foot forward.
Okay, ladies.
Let's breathe in.
Pli and bring your arms up!
And exhale and go all the way down.
Ow!
Let's hang here for a minute.
And slowly roll up.
Feel your spine.
Yeah.
- Roll your shoulders back.
-Nice.
- Excuse me.
-Can I get a word, please?
-Where's Helen?
I'm taking her out of this club.
It's obvious she can't handle
the peer pressure.
What are you talking about, peer pressure?
That's absurd.
-Look at me when you talk to me.
-Not only do you break her ankle,
now you wanna publicly humiliate her again
with this stupid dance competition.
No, Helen is a really big part
of this team.
You can't just
take her out of the competition.
Step back and let the adults talk. I don't
need a little slut telling me what to do.
-What?
What did you just call her?
-Oh. Now that was...
-No, seriously.
-That...
-What did you just call her?
-That was out of line, I apologize.
-Say it again!
-I dare you! What did you call her?
-Please get your hand-- Ma'am, get--
Ma'am, get your hand out of my face.
-Don't tell me what to do!
-Okay.
I...
Okay, I'm-- I'm leaving.
I'll go.
Because your good girl's gonna go bad
I'm gonna be the swinginest swinger
You've ever had
If you like 'em painted up
Powdered up
Then you oughta be glad
'Cause your good girl's gonna go bad
-Yeah!
I'll even learn
To like the taste of whisky
I'd like to propose a toast to Helen.
-To Helen!
-To Helen!
-To Helen!
-To Helen!
May she outlive her children.
Yeah! Hear, hear!
I'm glad I didn't have any.
Whoo! Yes!
That feels good.
- Wow.
- Wow!
Just a little Sprite.
Um, excuse me for a minute,
but I left a little something on lane 20.
-Ooh!
-Oh!
Is that a little something?
-Wow.
-Careful, baby.
He's kinda cute, don't you think?
Go, Alice!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Whoo!
Can you believe she's the same woman
who wasn't allowed to join the club?
She should've killed that husband
years ago.
Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Joy!
Kill the husband.
Yes.
Sheryl,
that was so badass of you
to stick up for me back there.
Oh.
You're one of us now.
Except with higher boobies.
-Higher boobies!
-Higher boobies!
And she scores!
Grab for the joy.
It is so great to see you so happy.
I think maybe more alcohol in my life
or something.
Okay, we all love you!
Yeah!
We just love!
Yeah!
I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
Okay, you want me
to come with you?
Why didn't you tell me?
Why would I?
Because you tell your friends
when you got cancer, for Christ's sake.
Yeah.
Anyway...
The doctor says you'll be out tomorrow.
And once they drain away all the fluid,
you'll be feeling fine, and...
that's good because
the competition's in three days.
I'm not going.
Oh, yes, you are. The hell you're not.
-No, you don't even need me! What am I--
-Yes, we--
Of course we need you!
You're the leader.
And I'm not gonna let you quit
just like that.
You are coming to the competition
if I have to drag you there myself.
I'm dying.
Well...
you were dying yesterday, and you're...
you're gonna be dying next week.
And in the meantime,
you should be dancing your ass off.
Isn't that what this was all about?
I'm scared.
-I'm scared, okay?
-I know, I know.
I'm sorry, it's just--
I know you're scared, of course.
I'm so scared.
Sometimes you just
have to look that shit in the face
and tell it to go to hell.
Thank you.
-Okay.
Thank you...
for being my friend.
-Your feet are cold.
-I know.
-I don't think she's coming.
- Mm-mm.
- Yeah, I don't know.
-We're gonna be late.
Maybe we should just go on--
No, Ruby! You sit your ass down.
Nobody's going anywhere without Martha.
It's okay.
Oh!
See?
She's here! What took you so long?
-Oh, I know. I know, I know.
-Girl, what took you so long?
-Well, everybody's here.
-No, we got a stop to make.
Okay?
-We gotta get Helen.
- Hey, I--
I can't do this.
Yes, you can.
You're gonna be fine.
And Chloe, why don't you sit in the front
with Ben, okay?
-All right.
-All right.
Do you want some free advice?
Sure.
You cannot wait
for Chloe to notice you, okay?
What? I'm not!
Yeah, no, no.
A girl like that,
she gets a lot of attention,
and you have to be reckless. Right?
What does that mean?
It means life is short,
and make your move already, okay?
Back to throw,
across the middle...
-Well...
-Shit! Tom is here!
Oh, shit. Okay, we need a distraction.
I mean...
Oh, God!
I love being a cheerleader.
Do it, do it!
- At the 35-30 yard line...
Is that our car?
Oh. Son of a...
What are you doing here?
It's a rescue mission!
Now, shh!
Now be quiet!
All right, come on.
Oh, Jesus!
-Security, Chief Carl.
-Carl, you're not gonna believe this shit.
Somebody threw a rock
into my goddamn window!
Any idea who might've done it?
The gang she's always hanging around with?
Ah, hurry!
-Oh, shit!
-Watch that tree.
No, no, no, wait!
Call Vicki.
Sweetie, she's not in here.
What?
Door closing!
Okay, go, go, go!
Thank God! Praise Jesus!
-Come on, let's go, go, go!
-You gotta be kiddin' me!
Mother! Get out of the van, now.
-Yeah!
Who's the little slut now?
Please, stop!
And Dorris, get out. Please, get out.
Please, get out. Out!
Out! Out!
Okay, let's go, Carl.
-All right. Hang on.
-Let's go.
-You in?
Oh, there they are!
-Come on! Cut 'em off!
-Hey.
Oh! Oh!
Turn off the engine
and step out of the vehicle!
Drive, drive!
-Go, go!
-Go!
Oh, my God.
-Where are they goin'?
-Just follow 'em.
-Follow them where?
-Just follow--
Just follow them! Just turn around!
Today, Carl!
Oh!
Oh, my God! Oh, my gosh!
Oh!
Well, can you turn this thing on?
The siren, the...
-Oh! Okay! All right!
Why are we chasing them again?
What? Oh, for pity's sake!
They are an unofficial club.
Go faster!
It does not go any faster!
-Floor it!
-It's floored!
Well, this was a ridiculous purchase,
and I don't know why
you didn't express that
at the time the check was being written!
Oh!
Hi, Vicki!
Where are you all going?
Heading to the cheerleading competition.
Wanna go?
Is that a serious question, David?
And what do you think you're doing?
-I wanna see what's gonna happen.
-Come on, Carl!
-Well, go on, then!
-I'm going.
-Just go on with your bad self!
- I am going!
Panty-chaser!
Turncoat!
Sticks and stones, Vicki!
Sticks and stones!
Traitor!
Hurry!
We're late! Go in! Okay!
The music!
Here, I got it, I got it.
Yeah. I'll check us in. Don't worry.
Here, you got it?
I got it.
Thank you. Um, hi. Where do I sign in?
Sure, which squad
is your granddaughter competing in?
Uh, my granddaughter is not competing.
I am. Sun Springs.
And, um...
It says here you've been disqualified.
Just breathe, stretch.
-You got this.
-Yeah.
Don't even worry about it. Just worry
about your routine and everything.
You need anything?
-Yes, air.
- Mmm.
Yeah. You just gotta breathe.
Our next squad performing...
Oh, shit.
...for the very first time,
all the way from Jacksonville, Florida.
What are you doing here?
I thought you quit.
We came to cheer.
Are you serious?
- Cannot be serious.
- They're competing?
Yeah.
-We are.
Uh...
Okay.
Pathetic.
-Bye.
- Bye, good luck.
Good luck.
Hey!
Hey. What'd she mean about you quitting?
Oh, I was just too busy, you know,
with school and everything.
I-I couldn't do both.
Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
We didn't want you quitting for us.
No, no, no, no, no. I-I wanted to.
I've never had a grandma before,
and now it's like I have eight.
Oh.
Your group is too old to compete.
The entry form says
there's an 18 and over category,
and we're over 18.
-This competition is for young women only.
-What's going on here?
Oh, my God!
Oh, Chief Carl.
Well, she's saying that we can't compete.
You didn't mention
your age on the application.
Chief Carl.
Special Branch Division.
You're in express violation
of both State and Federal law.
Statute 42, Section 8, Verse 3.
If you don't let these women compete,
I'm gonna have to haul your ass
down to the station
and throw the book at you
for age discrimination.
Now, we can do this the easy way,
or we can do it the hard way.
And just for the record,
I prefer the hard way.
You're on in ten minutes.
God, that was amazing!
I can't believe they fell for it.
I made the whole thing up right there!
You did, didn't you? Come on, let's go.
Oh, jeez. Oh, my God.
What took you so long?
Everybody's freaking out!
I feel sick!
My stupid dickhead husband was right!
I can't do this!
Yeah, you're not going anywhere. No.
-No, no, no, no.
-All right, ladies. Huddle up. Come on.
-Okay, let's huddle.
-Come on.
Phew, okay.
Come on.
Guys, don't worry about the audience!
Just follow each other
like we practiced, okay?
We got this.
-Martha?
- Hmm?
Anything you'd like to add?
I know I told you we could do this.
But the truth is I have no idea
what's gonna happen out there.
Maybe we'll make
fools of ourselves, right?
But I do know one thing.
There's no one
I'd rather go out there with...
than you ladies.
I love you! I love you all! Okay?
Now, I know you're scared.
Whoo! I'm scared, too.
Scared?
But, you know,
sometimes you just have to look that shit
in the face and tell it to go to hell!
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Drop it
They're
the Southern Attitude Cheerleaders!
And they showed us that attitude
this year!
Our next squad comes
from the Sun Springs Retirement Community.
Seriously?
-Hey.
-Hey.
Three, six, nine
The goose drank wine
The monkey chew tobacco
On the street car line
The line broke
The monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven
In a little rowboat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, slap
Clap, pat
Clap your hand
Pat it on your partner's hand
Right hand
Oh, my Olive.
They're amazing!
Pat you partner's left palm
My mother told me
If I was goody
That she would buy me
A rubber dolly
- Let me see you make it clap now
- Yeah
Clap your hands
And pat it on your partner's
Clap your hands
And cross it on your left arm
Pat your hand
Now up on your right arm
Now up on your right arm
If you press along, long
Clap your hands
And put it on your partner's
Clap your hands
And cross it on your left arm
The music's perfect.
Now up on your right arm
Now up on your right arm
If you press along, long
My mother told me
If I was goody
That she would buy me
A rubber dolly
My aunty told her
I kissed a soldier
Now she won't buy me
Now.
A rubber dolly
Whoo!
Never
Never
Never
Yeah!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo!
Spread it like peanut butter jelly
Do it like I owe you some money
Spread it like peanut butter jelly
Do it like I owe you some money
Money, money
Spread it like
I'll give you something to do
Whoo!
That was
the Sun Springs All Stars
from Sun Springs Retirement Community.
What a performance!
What a response from the audience!
Thank you!
Coming up next,
a special performance
by the Sun Springs Cheerleaders
supporting ovarian cancer research
in memory of Martha Walker.
Okay, everyone. Two minutes.
Let's huddle in.
Huddle in.
All right, don't worry about the crowd.
It's just us out there.
You got this.
Sheryl, anything you'd like to add?
Just one thing.
We're doing this...
for Martha.
For Martha.
Spread it like
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Spread it like
Sleepless nights at the chateau
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Kush, kush wherever we go
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
To get a wildfire burning
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Ace high, I'm going all in
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Come on, everybody
I say let's play a game
I betcha I can make a rhyme
Out of anybody's name
Sheryl, Sheryl
Sheryl, Sheryl, bo baron
Banana fanna fo faron
Fee fi mo maron
Sheryl
- Who's next?
- Alice!
Alice, Alice, bo balice
Banana fanna fo falice
Fee fi mo malice
Alice
- Now Olive
- Olive!
Olive, Olive, bo bolive
Banana fanna fo folive
Fee fi mo molive
- Olive
- Evelyn!
Evelyn, Evenlyn, bo bevelyn
Banana fanna fo fevelyn
Mee mi moevylyn
- Evelyn
- Ruby!
Ruby, Ruby, bo booby
Banana fanna fo fooby
Fee fi mo mooby
- Ruby
- Phyllis!
Phyllis, Phyllis, bo byllis
Banana fanna fo fyllis
Fee fi mo myllis
- Phyllis
Now Helen!
Helen, Helen, bo bellen
Banana fanna fo fellen
Fee fi mo mellen
Helen
Come on, everybody
I say let's play a game
I betcha I can make a rhyme
Out of anybody's name
Sing it with me
Oh
Oh
Martha
Oh
Oh
Yeah!
You know...
you think that when you get old,
you'll pass on all your junk to your kids,
and it'll become their problem
to deal with
when you're gone.
Guess what?
I never had any kids.
And I've got a whole lot of junk.
Morning.
- Hi.
-Can I help with anything?
-You want anything?
-Thank you. Just looking.
So, here I am.
I'll give it to you for 30. It's okay.
You can have this, look.
-That's 15.
-Yeah, thanks.
Got that? Thirty-five.
I just love estate sales.
You know, 'cause they, like,
give you a glimpse into a person's life.
Eighty-three fifty.
Did you know the owner?
-I did.
-How did she die?
Cancer.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Who was she?
Nice choice.
Thank you very much.
I have lived
in this same apartment for 46 years.
Ugh!
-I don't know where the years have gone.
Oh, my God.
Ah, my mom.
She used to say that we don't die.
We live on through the memories
we leave behind.
Goodbye.
I guess this is it for me.
Sometimes I'm tired and I wonder
What's so all-fired important
About being someplace at some time
Oh, but I don't really mind
'Cause I could be on Easy Street
And I know that you've got to take
The bitter with the sweet
I guess it gets to everyone
You think you're not having any fun
And you wonder what you're doing
Playing the games you play
Hey, well, it's true what they say
If you want to feel complete
Don't you know that you've got to take
The bitter with the sweet
Hi, Martha.
This is Lindsey from Dr. Lee's office.
You missed your appointment this morning.
- I'd like to cancel, actually.
-Ugh...
No, I mean, what I'm saying is
I'd like to cancel all my appointments.
But your chemo starts next week.
You should really just speak with her.
No, Lindsey!
I'm not doing the treatment.
A friend of mine once told me
And I know he knows
All about feelin' down
He said everything good in life
You've got to pay for
But feelin' good
Is what you're paving the way for
Come on!
What? Oh, c-- Anytime!
Sorry, but yeah.
Okay, go on by!
Go ahead!
Really? Wow.
Hi!
Hey there!
Oh, my God.
Oh, hi there!
Hello!
You've got to take the bitter
With the sweet
You've got to take
The bitter with the sweet
The bitter with the
Sweet
Sweet, sweet
Oh
Oh!
Oh, shoot.
You like that one?
Yeah, I'll take it.
Oh, my goodness! You must be Martha!
Huh? Oh.
I'm Vicki.
-This is Gayle and Barbara.
-Hey!
-Hello!
-We are the welcoming committee.
And this is for you.
Oh. Oh! Ah!
-I'm sorry!
-Excuse me. I'm sorry.
-That's fine. Don't worry about it.
-You got it.
-Anyway...
-Just a little southern hospitality.
Now, what brings you to Sun Springs?
Oh, I'm just here to die.
Well, I think we can aim
a little bit higher than that.
Let's get started with the tour.
-Uh-huh.
-What do you mean, the tour?
-You're official!
-Wait, whoa.
-Yeah, let's go.
-You gotta protect that pretty skin.
-Oh, yeah.
-If you're gonna tackle this one.
- So sorry.
-We'll put that in your front yard.
All right, put your hands up!
Come on, don't be lazy!
We've got everything you could ever need.
We've got three golf courses,
two bowling alleys,
oh, an indoor pool,
and the outdoor pool.
-The works.
-Yeah.
I always say,
if you are bored in Sun Springs,
you just need to be watered.
-It's true.
-Yeah.
-She always says that.
-She does.
Let's move on.
All our residents are required to join
at least one club.
Oh.
Now, there are over 100 of 'em.
In the unlikely event that you can't find
the right club for you,
-fun fact!
-What?
You can start your own!
Gayle and I started a club
called the Southern Belles.
Oh, is that a fact, Vicki?
I'm not allowed to join.
It's called the Southern Belles.
It's not called the Wisconsin Belles.
I don't know how many times
I have to explain that to you.
Oh, and the biggest event of the year
is the Senior Showcase.
-Oh.
-Oh, my God!
Really?
All of Sun Springs' talent on one stage.
The whole community
comes out to watch. It's a real hoot.
You're gonna love it, Martha.
Well, I mean, I'll, uh...
Obviously, I will be sure
and check my calendar.
-Great.
-But if you'll excuse me, ladies,
I just want to say thanks for the tour.
I should get going, though.
I really should--
Wait. No, you haven't done
your safety training.
My what?
Safety training.
Uh-huh.
As Chief of Security,
it's my job to keep our residents safe.
I run a team of highly trained volunteers,
just like Dorris here.
Say hi, Dorris.
-Hi!
-Hello, Dorris.
All tips are anonymous.
So if you see something, say something.
Like what?
Overgrown hedges.
Excessive lawn ornamentation.
If someone has their Christmas lights on
past New Years, that's a big one.
Very big.
Well, are you authorized
to use deadly force?
Excuse me?
Well, let's just say it's July
and my neighbor hasn't taken down
his Christmas lights.
Are you gonna have the guts
to do what it takes?
Well...
mostly we just issue citations.
I'm glad you find this so amusing!
Oh!
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
-Hi! Moving in?
-Oh. Yeah.
I was hoping you'd be a man.
Excuse me?
Did you know single women outlive
single men by almost ten years?
And Lord knows there's not enough
erections around here as it is.
Oh, we're talkin' erections, huh? Wow.
I'm Sheryl.
-Sheryl.
-I live next door.
-Yes, Sheryl. Good to meet you.
-Hey, you don't play poker, do you?
Because I run a weekly game,
and we could sure use another player.
It's all very hush-hush because
gambling's not allowed around here,
like most things that are worthwhile.
You should drop by tonight
and say hi to the guys.
God, you know, it's been a very...
Look, it's a long day for me.
I just moved in, and...
But thanks,
I really appreciate what you're...
-The invitation's sweet.
-I get it.
It's really nice.
Thanks so much for coming by.
- See ya.
- Great.
Ugh, God. Bye!
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
That's it.
- Okay.
Let's go. Move it.
- I'll play! You want one or two?
- Hey!
Oh, God damn it.
Hello?
Oh, God.
Hello?
Yes.
We'll send somebody right over.
Hey, Chief.
What is it, Dorris?
Well, we got a 314 in progress
over there on Pleasant Valley Drive.
Somebody's getting raped?
Well, now...
Mmm...
What's a noise complaint?
That's a 315.
Oh. Well, yeah, that's the one.
Let's go, let's go!
Come on.
-Oh!
Oh.
Hey! You didn't call the cops on me,
did you?
Because if there's a problem,
I hope you can just come straight to me.
Well, of course.
I mean, the same goes for you.
Good. We need somewhere to hide.
-We?
-Come on, guys.
I'm sorry, but...
- This'll work! Over here!
- I'll set this up.
- Well, I--
-Howdy!
-Ma'am.
-Hello.
- Get this out the way.
- Hey, Martha.
- Mm-hmm.
-You want a beer?
Uh, no, no. Thanks so much.
- Let's do it! Here we go!
- Okay, let's go.
Oh, snacks!
Mm-hmm. There you go.
Sorry about the intrusion.
No, that's fine.
That's absolutely fine.
I really love having strange men
in my house at all hours of the night.
But who is that?
Oh, that's, uh, Ben.
He's Sheryl's gardener.
- Really?
- God.
- Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Okay, thank you.
-All right.
-All right. Come on. Ante up now.
- What is this?
- No, that's rubbish.
Oh.
-Evening, ma'am.
-Evening.
I just wanted to follow up on your call.
Oh, well, don't worry.
Everything's absolutely fine now.
-No, ma'am. I'm afraid it is not.
-Huh?
It's never that quiet over there.
I didn't see anyone in the house,
but there were clear signs of subterfuge.
Subterfuge?
Yes, ma'am.
It's like chicanery or evasion.
I just want you to know
that Dorris and I will be on stake-out.
- Mm-hmm.
-Thank you. All right, bye.
- That's for me, Hank.
- All right.
Here we go. It's on you, Sheryl.
Hey, Martha!
You want a beer?
- You wanna play? We're raising.
Good night, everyone.
- Bye now.
-We'll whisper.
-Pay up, boys!
-Just shut up!
God, I can't take it.
- Hey!
-Hey there!
-Oh, whoa!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Yeah, hi, hello.
-Hey.
I wanna take you to lunch.
-That isn't really necessary.
-To say thank you for last night.
-Whoa! What a night, right?
-Come on, I don't take no for an answer!
I gathered that.
I bet you haven't got other plans.
-Okay, fine.
-Then hop in.
-Hop in. We'll be late.
-I got it. I'll get in right now.
-This'll be...
-I promise you'll love it.
Playing with the Queen of Hearts
So what brings you
to Sun Springs?
Well, I heard really good things
about the Southern Belles.
- The Southern Belles.
-Yeah.
Gimme a break.
Bunch of mean, old gals
and their stupid club.
- Sheryl!
-Hi!
Good to see ya!
Hey.
What clubs do you belong to?
Well, I just turn up,
pretend I'm interested,
and eat all the free food.
Will we be seeing you perform
at the Senior Showcase
I've heard so much about?
Oh, no.
My only talents are poker and poking.
Poker and poking?
Where are you taking me?
The real perk about this place...
is that people are constantly dying.
They list all the funerals in the papers,
and there's always tons of free food.
-Here, put this in your purse.
-No, no, no, no. No.
Put it in your own purse, okay?
Thanks.
Well, mine's already full.
Just shove it in.
-No, I don't really want to.
-Oh, okay.
Shall we go pay our respects?
-Okay, I'm outta here.
-Do you want to have a drink?
No, no, I'll have a drink later, thanks.
I'm outta here.
Hey, Martha! It's Sheryl!
We're going to bingo
and we'd love for you to join us.
There's some great prizes!
Listen, I'm sorry
about taking you to that wake.
I know you didn't like it. I'm sorry.
It was...
Anyway,
give me a call, would you?
I haven't seen you.
I'd love to... You know, bingo's fun.
Oh, hi, Martha.
I was hoping you'd pick up.
We're going bowling
and we'd love you to join us.
I can teach you.
It's simple. It's all in the wrist.
So give a call, why don't you?
Bye!
Oh.
Oh.
I'm Tim Nichols.
Now, death can be expensive.
There's the embalming, the caskets,
the flowers,
the funeral and cemetery fees,
just to name a few.
If you ever wondered
if there's a better way,
well, now there is.
Send your loved one off in style
by sending their ashes up
in one of our custom-made
funeral fireworks.
I guarantee they'll get a bang out of it.
What?
What?
Oh, my God, what is this?
What the hell are you doing?!
What am I doing?
Oh, my God! I thought you were a burglar!
You haven't been out of this place
for days!
I thought you'd slipped in the shower
or something.
I was worried the cats
were getting at you.
I don't have cats.
Jesus Christ!
-You could've killed me with that thing!
-I know.
Who are you?
Let's have some wine.
-Come on, let's sit down.
-Oh!
Okay, yeah.
Oh, my God, Jesus Christ.
I'm really sorry
about being such a bitch at the wake.
I was mad about something else,
and, you know,
I shouldn't have
taken it out on you, and...
No, I'm sorry for telling you what to do.
You're a grown-ass woman.
You can do whatever you want.
Yeah.
What's this?
Oh, no, it's just a bunch of old junk.
You were a cheerleader?
Oh, aren't you full of surprises?
Ms. Pep Squad.
Queen of the campus.
Yeah, in another life,
I guess you'd call it.
I used to just come running home
so that I could practice all afternoon,
and it drove my mom totally crazy.
That's how bad I wanted it.
Yeah.
And I tried out three times
and I never made the cut.
But get this.
Finally, in my senior year,
I made the varsity squad.
Better late than never!
Yeah. On the day before our first game...
I found out
that my mother was very sick, so...
I, uh...
I quit the team, you know,
started to take care of her.
Man, you know. Oh, my God. I...
You know, I never...
I never did perform.
- Oh.
-No, that's...
Maybe you should give it another shot.
Yeah, maybe the Dallas Cowgirls
have an opening, right?
Yeah.
-You know what?
-What?
I really love this.
- Mm-hmm.
-I think it's kinda... sexy.
Don't you think?
Uh, hey...
Could I borrow this?
-No.
No, I can't?
-No, of course you can!
'Cause I'm taking pictures
for my Jdate profile.
I didn't know you were Jewish.
Oh, I'm not.
Hey.
I'm glad you're not cat food.
Yeah, thanks.
-See ya.
-Yeah, see you.
Hello?
-Hello?
-Hey. Shh.
Sheryl's not here.
Who are you anyway? I mean...
And don't give me that nonsense
about being the gardener--
I live here. They don't let anyone
under 55 live here,
so I gotta keep a low profile.
Oh. So Sheryl likes 'em young,
does she, huh?
What?
Oh.
-What?
-Sheryl is my-- my grandma.
Oh.
Yeah.
And where is she anyway, huh?
She substitute teaches at my school
when she needs the extra cash,
so she's down there.
Sheryl's a teacher?
If you can call it that.
I pretend to be sick whenever she's there.
It's kinda humiliating.
Miss Ferris is away sick,
so we'll be watching a movie.
-Yes?
-What's the movie?
It's an educational video
about the dangers of STDs.
Are you even qualified to be teaching us?
What's your name?
Chloe.
Well, Chloe, the state of Georgia
has surprisingly low standards
for substitute teachers.
If you've got a problem with that,
you take it up with your congressman.
Okay, but we're supposed to be studying
Romeo and Juliet.
Well, today you'll be studying gonorrhea.
So you wanna have sex?
You should know
what's up before getting down.
Yeah!
Sex can be fun, but there's STDs
Some can be cured
But some you can't treat
Uh-oh, herpes! Oh, no, hep B!
Whoa, oh! What if it's HIV?
And one, two, three, four...
So you're a teacher, huh?
Well, I like to think of myself
as more of a life coach.
I was a teacher.
-Yeah?
-Yes, yes.
Do you ever miss it?
Sometimes. I mean, God, the hours
were long and the pay was ridiculous,
but yeah, I guess I...
I guess miss it.
So, what are you doing here?
I have an announcement to make.
We're starting a cheerleading club
at Sun Springs.
Is that the set-up or the punchline?
No, no, no. I'm really serious, right?
I mean, I have to join a club.
I don't like any of their clubs, so...
I'm creating my own.
-Yes, come on, seriously!
You do know how old you are.
What's the difference? I mean, we'll learn
a few moves. There's nothing to it. I--
Hey, what's this "we"?
I know this sounds so crazy, but I...
I can't do it without you.
What's in it for me?
Well, what do you want?
I want you to teach Ben how to drive. He--
All of the other kids
have got their license.
I think he's embarrassed.
I'd teach him myself,
but I don't have a car.
Yeah, no, I can't do that.
Cannot do that.
Well, that's the deal.
Take it or leave it.
You're the one who told me I should
take up cheerleading again, right?
Well, I-I didn't mean literally.
It was more of a metaphor for, you know,
getting laid or something.
-You know.
So next up we have
Martha Walker's application.
Okay.
Um...
We're starting a cheerleading club.
Well.
But who will you be cheering for?
Ourselves.
And, of course, we will be performing
for the Senior Showcase.
Oh, will you?
Well, I'm sorry, but we can't allow this.
Oh, come off it! Why not?
Well, insurance, for one thing.
There's nothing dangerous about this.
It's just for fun.
Well, we also have
Sun Spring's reputation to think about.
It's cheerleading, not pole dancing.
Sorry.
Were you ever a cheerleader, Martha?
Not exactly.
Well, I was.
Captain of my squad.
What a surprise!
And it's a lot more physically demanding
than people realize.
Even for younger women.
And may I suggest that you form a club
that's a little more...
age appropriate.
Well, I do believe that you told me
that if I...
if I didn't find a club
that I really liked, I could start my own.
Uh...
- How many members do you have?
-So far...
Uh...
Just two.
I'm sorry.
You need eight members
to form an official club.
Well, then,
we're gonna find eight members.
Hi, I'm Olive.
I don't have any cheerleading experience,
but my husband and I,
we take a tango class.
Oh.
It was either tango or a divorce, so--
You could just show us what you've got.
Let me begin.
When marimba rhythms start to play
Dance with me
Make me sway
Like the lazy ocean hugs the shore
Hold me close
Sway me more
-That was fantastic!
-Sweet.
-Whoo!
- Let's go, girls
Come on
Wow!
I'm going out tonight
I'm feelin' all right
Gonna let it all hang out
Want to make some noise
-Woo-hoo!
- Really raise my voice
Yeah, I want to scream and shout
Oh!
I don't know
what to say about this one.
Namaste.
Namaste.
Oh. N-nstay.
Namaste.
Namaste, excuse me. Namaste.
Ruby Jenkins! Aerobics!
Take it away!
I'm every woman
It's all in me
Anything you want done, baby
I'll do it naturally
I'm every woman
-Uh-huh.
-Oh, yeah.
I'm every woman
Whoa!
I'm every woman
I haven't done that in years.
Wow, that was great.
Where did you learn to do that?
I was Miss Carney County...
runner-up.
-Mmm.
-What did the winner do?
Had sex with the judges.
-Oh.
Here. No speeding, okay?
Do exactly what I tell you to do
when I tell you to do it.
Now you've got that? You got it?
-Got it.
-Okay.
What you're going to do
is you're going to back up
and look in your mirrors. Right? Go ahead.
Look, that's good. That's good.
Back up a little.
Nice and easy. Pretty good.
Right there, that's enough.
Now, I want you to pull forward
and signal.
Okay? Pull forward.
Oh!
Okay.
You ran right into me!
Do you know how to drive?
Not really.
Oh, my God! My mom's gonna kill me!
Okay, don't worry about it. I'll just
get the insurance. It'll be fine.
I'm sorry, I...
-Ugh.
- That's crazy.
Oogum oogum boogum boogum
Boogum, now, baby
You're castin' your spell on me
Aren't you hungry?
No, I'm fine. I-I don't...
really have much of an appetite
right now. So...
It must've been embarrassing for you
back there, huh?
It's fine.
They all think I'm a weirdo anyway.
Why?
'Cause I live in a retirement community.
Yeah, I mean, why do you live here?
My parents weren't really
the parenting... types.
-Can I ask you something?
-Yeah, shoot. Yeah.
Why did you move to Sun Springs?
I don't know.
I guess I just wanted to get away.
I wanted to simplify my life.
Is it working?
Not really.
-Right.
Oh, God, you know what?
We're still one woman short.
Well, it's probably for the best.
I mean, I love those gals...
-Uh-huh.
-But, oh, let's face it!
They're not really cheerleaders.
You know, you're supposed to be
helping me, right?
Remember, six women
signed up for the try-outs, but--
Only five showed up.
So, who's the sixth?
Nice place you got here.
It's very...
themed.
Oh, yes.
My husband, he enjoys the game.
Oh, do you play golf, by the way?
-Oh, no!
- No?
No.
So, um, Alice,
we notice you signed up
for the cheerleading try-outs.
Oh, yes, I saw your flyer.
It sounded fun.
Oh, why didn't you come?
Well, I wanted to.
But my husband doesn't like me out
too much on my own.
I took a sewing class last year,
and he had to make his own dinners
on Wednesday nights.
Well, that sounds traumatic, of course.
What if we practiced in the morning,
and then you could get home
in time for dinner?
Yeah!
Yeah, well, it's not just that.
-No?
-No.
-He's worried about the morality of it.
-The morality?
Yes, he says that anyone who wants to be
a cheerleader at my age
is either a slut or a whore.
-And probably both.
Maybe he should just take
his caveman-like opinions
-and shove them up his you know what.
-Hey!
-I mean-- Oh, sorry.
-Alice, we're just a bunch of nice ladies.
-looking for some clean, wholesome fun.
-Okay, yes.
What do ya say?
Well, I always did
want to be a cheerleader.
Maybe I could ask him one more time.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Go on.
Good luck.
-"Good luck." Oh, my gosh.
She's a sweetheart.
She's very sweet.
Very sweet.
God, he really loves golf.
- He sounds like such an asshole.
- Okay, here she comes.
So...
-Did you ask him?
-I did.
And? What'd he say?
"Over my dead body!"
Oh, God.
That was fast, wasn't it?
A little too fast, if you ask me.
No, he confused his meds.
I'm sure Alice didn't want to kill him.
Well, she always
wanted to be a cheerleader.
Oh, come on. The woman is devastated.
I'm sure it was the last thing
that was on her mind.
See you at practice.
Hello, everyone!
Hi!
-Good morning.
-Hi.
- Morning.
-Wow, look at you all.
I think we should try
something very simple to begin.
So, if you don't mind,
I would really enjoy
seeing you getting into a straight line.
We're gonna try
some very simple positions.
Now, watch me.
So, it's on the count of three.
It's one, two, three, boom!
You got that? Straight arms!
One, two, three, boom!
Jump!
Not quite good.
-What-- what's the matter?
I'm sorry.
- I have a sore shoulder.
-You can't bend it?
I had to take an aspirin...
-Oh!
-Oh, honey!
Can I put this down? I have--
Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Good.
-I have to be careful!
- Hm?
I had my knee replaced last year.
Well, that's-- No, that's perfectly fine.
You can just bend at your hips.
I can't jump too much 'cause I get dizzy.
When I jump too much, I get dizzy.
-You do?
-Yeah.
Martha, maybe we should make a list
of everybody's conditions.
We're not making a list.
-You got my dizziness down, right?
-Yeah, got that.
And sciatica.
-I have the sciatica.
-Oh, right.
- And my wrist.
-Oh!
Did I mention I had chlamydia?
Yeah, that and a shocking amount
of other personal information,
so can we get back to rehearsing?
But what about you, Martha?
Do you have anything to report?
No. I'm fine. I'm actually-- I'm--
I'm just as fit as a fiddle.
Uh, hi. Excuse me, are-- are you Martha?
And you are who?
I'm Tom Lendl. I'm Helen's son.
Is everything all right?
Well, no. Uh, it isn't.
My mother said she needs $100
for some cheerleading club?
Yeah, why is that any of your business?
I handle my mother's finances.
Well, if Helen has a problem,
she can talk to me,
we'll work something out.
-My mother doesn't need money. Okay?
-Okay.
She's got plenty of money.
My father left her... quite a lot.
It's up to me to make sure
she spends it wisely.
Mmm.
I'm sure you're aware of the fact
that your mother is an adult.
Well, I don't know if you're aware,
but this place is a cesspool...
-...of con artists and salesmen.
All trying to take advantage
of gullible old women.
It's true!
Thank you, Carl.
I can handle this, okay?
One hundred dollars.
For what?
Uniforms for the Senior Showcase.
Uniforms?
-Yeah!
Funny?
-You think that's funny?
A little. Yes.
Nobody wants to see
a bunch of 80-year-olds
running around in short skirts.
Uh-huh.
It's not gonna happen.
Let's go.
Martha, Vicki here.
The committee regretfully denies
your request for more time to rehearse
in the recreation center.
Now, I'm sure you understand.
We have to prioritize
the more established clubs
-in the lead-up to the Senior Showcase.
So, what's the first thing you're gonna do
when you get your driver's license?
-Got any hot dates planned?
I don't even have a car.
Yeah, so? I mean, get a job and buy one.
-I have a job.
- Oh?
But most of my money goes to Sheryl
to help out with the rent.
I work at this pizza place.
So, hang on.
Why don't you come work for us?
Because we need music in our rehearsals...
-...and you'd be a great DJ.
No, thank you.
- Yes!
-I think it's embarrassing enough already.
No, come on.
How about 40 bucks a rehearsal?
Huh?
I've gotta show you
something, here.
Mmm...
Look at this!
Look at this, we got pom-poms!
Great! Fantastic!
Oh, my goodness!
All right, everybody?
Okay, you ready?
Okay, here I go.
Now, five, six, seven, eight.
Jump one, hold two.
Arms three, hold four.
Hips five, six.
Clap seven, punch eight!
Got it? Should we do it again?
Want me to do it one more time for you?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay.
-This is crazy.
-Ready, and...
Jump one!
Hold two, arms three.
Hold four.
Hips five, six.
Clap seven.
Punch eight!
Do you think you have it? All right!
Know what we're gonna do?
Put this baby to music.
Ben, you got the music there?
-I got it. Little old school but I got it.
-Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the opinion. And here we go.
-Jump one.
Hold two. Arms three.
Hold four.
Hips five, six.
Clap seven.
Punch eight!
See the people walking down the street
Fall in line
Just watchin' all their feet
They don't know where they want to go
But they're walking in time
They got the beat
They got the beat
They got the beat
Yeah, they got the beat
Keep going. Come on, you can do it!
Faster! You can do it even faster!
All the kids
Just getting out of school
They can't wait
To hang out and be cool
No! Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no. We gotta take this from the top.
- Yup.
-Come on!
- All right?
Now look, Alice, here's the problem here.
I'm really sorry about this,
but you're too slow.
-You got--
-What bullshit!
Whoa.
Oh.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
My husband didn't like it when I cursed,
so now that he's gone,
I'm gonna give it a shot.
Yeah, I'm also gonna try reefer cigarettes
and cunnilingus.
- Yeah, there you go!
-Yes!
Okay! Thanks for sharing.
Okay, let's... let's go with this
one more time!
Let's do it! You can do it!
Cunnilingus! Go!
- We got the beat
- We got the beat
We got the beat
-Bye, ladies.
-Hey!
-See you later.
-See you later.
The girls are gonna have a drink.
You wanna come?
You know, quite frankly,
we need more rehearsal time, not drinks,
because you know why?
We look like a bunch of old ladies
out there.
We are a bunch of old ladies
out there.
And where are we gonna practice?
I mean, Vicki will hardly let us
use this space as it is.
No, but you need to get us a space
at the school.
No, I can't do that.
I'm in big trouble at the school.
I was caught handing out prophylactics
in the girls' bathroom.
Mm-hmm. The Senior Showcase
is in two weeks
and we need rehearsals.
Okay.
I'll ask the principal.
He's got a crush on me. It could work.
Well, all right. Okay.
All right.
And one.
And two.
And keep your form, ladies. With the curl.
And three.
And four.
Come on, keep that form!
It's all about that bone density!
Welcome to the gun show, Helen.
There you go. Ooh, look at those guns!
-Look at that!
-I love it.
All right, girl.
Okay, now, chest presses. And one.
And two.
-Ladies.
-And three.
- Gettin' ready for the showcase?
- And four.
Yes, indeed, Miss Vicki.
I'm sorry that we had to cancel
your rehearsal tomorrow.
I realize that you have got
a lot of training to get done.
Well, don't you worry about it,
because Sheryl's already found us
a better place to rehearse.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, really?
Where might that be?
Come on. This way, ladies.
What are we doing here?
Oh, so this is what it's like
being a cheerleader.
Oh.
I feel like pushing someone into a locker.
- Oh, cougar alert!
Guys, guys.
You gotta listen to me for a second.
-You can't do this.
- Huh?
Okay? This is a bad, bad idea.
-Oh, don't be so dramatic.
-Grandma...
You are going to humiliate yourself
in front of the entire school!
The entire school?
The entire school,
what're we talking about here, huh?
-Huh?
-You don't know?
No!
This is what you wanted.
No, this is not what I wanted.
I wanted a space to rehearse in.
-That's what this is.
-No, this...
This is a pep rally.
-Yeah.
-Right?
There's a whole school out there,
and we're not ready for an audience, okay?
We can't cancel!
You have no idea what I had to go through
with the principal
just to make this happen!
Well, well, well!
-Oh!
-If it isn't the teacher of the year!
Isn't there a quarterback somewhere
you need to be giving a handjob?
Okay, just...
All right, do you mind just
stepping outside for a moment, please?
What? No!
This is our pep rally! They already
made us cut a minute off our routine.
Okay, but just give us a second, okay?
-Whatever.
-Whatever.
I just hope your moves
are a little more up-to-date than you are.
You bitches wanna rumble?
Oh, weird.
Yeah.
See ya out there.
Son of a whore.
Look how young they are!
Oh, good booties.
-And they're really good.
-Mm-hmm.
Ah, they're not that good.
You're blind.
Wow!
I want someone who can dance
Not someone I can talk to
I want someone who can dance
-Yeah!
- I want someone who can dance
Not someone I can talk to
I want someone who can dance
I want someone who can dance
Not someone I can talk to
I want someone who can dance
I want someone who can dance
Let's give it up
for our very own
Hillview High cheerleaders!
Go, come on! Let's go! Let's go!
Break a hip.
Get pregnant.
Okay, excuse me.
-Let's go, girls.
- Next up, a special treat.
A performance
from the Sun Springs All Stars.
-Ruby, come on.
- Move aside, girls.
Now these are
the real senior cheerleaders.
- Check this out, man.
Hello, thank you.
All right. Positions, okay. Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
Come on.
Okay? Music!
Hey, Danny,
want me to get her number for you?
Five, six, seven, eight...
Three, six, nine
The goose drank wine
The monkey chew tobacco
On the street car line
The line broke
The monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven
In a little rowboat
Oh, my God, I can't believe this!
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Oh, sorry!
Right hand
Clap, pat
Clap your hand
Cross it to your left arm
Pat you partner's left palm
Clap, pat
Clap your hand
Move it from your right arm
Ow!
Oh! Oh, God! I hurt my ankle!
-Oh!
-She's not okay. She's not okay.
- That's all right. It's okay.
-Get the medic.
-Get some ice, right now.
Oh! Ooh!
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine!
Everyone's making a fuss.
-Are you sure?
- Yes.
I told you we weren't ready. We made
complete fools of ourselves out there.
-Oh, shit!
-What?
-What?
-What?
What now?
- That's us!
- Oh, no!
- Could I see?
-It already has 20,000 views.
- Oh!
-Well, you gotta take it down.
-I can't take it off.
-There has to be a way, right?
-I mean, some technical--
-No, it's there.
"Old cheerleaders fail."
Oh.
Okay.
- Can I see?
What? What's going on?
Wait, you posted it?
Yeah.
Why would you do that?
Because it's hilarious.
This is totally going viral.
Wow.
What?
What?
I blame myself.
I mean, this is just the sort of thing
that I knew would happen.
Not only has one of our residents
suffered a serious injury,
but now her son is threatening a lawsuit.
Is there anything
that you ladies care to say?
No.
Then let's put it to a vote.
All of those in favor of the ban.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
- Yes for me.
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
It's unanimous.
You are hereby ordered
to cease all club activities.
Thank you.
Well, what did she expect
going out like that?
Where are you going?
Home.
Hold on, hold on! There's more!
You think they're talkin' about us?
I don't know.
Not today, Satan.
Local residents
from Sun Springs Retirement Community
have become a viral internet sensation
-following a disastrous performance...
- Screw you!
...at a high school pep rally last Tuesday.
Hey, Mom.
It's time for you to get some rest.
I am resting.
Mother, Susan and I
are gonna be staying here for a while.
No, that won't be necessary.
Yes, I think it is necessary.
What's wrong with you lately?
I just miss cheerleading.
Please give a round of applause
to the Calibray Club!
Oh, and our next act, the sunscreen,
always got a full tan!
- Hey.
- Hi!
Are you around?
So...
you went to the Showcase?
Well, I drove by. I didn't go inside. I--
Oh, it's too bad.
We had a real shot at that trophy.
Do you really think so?
-Not really.
I'm just trying to be supportive.
Yeah, right.
Listen, I am sorry about the pep rally.
It was a dumb idea.
No, it's not your fault.
-It was.
-You know, I...
I miss the girls, though.
Yeah, me too.
I've never had a lot of girlfriends.
It's quite nice.
Hmm?
I miss you, too.
I miss you!
- Really?
Oh, my goodness.
-On the bright side...
-Uh-huh.
We're up to half a million hits.
Look at this.
I'd like to get my hands
on whoever posted that. Okay?
I can't...
Hey, wait a minute.
-What do you mean?
-Shh.
-Listen. Listen.
-Okay.
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God!
The little...
-That is Chloe's voice!
-It was.
-It's Chloe!
-Yeah.
That's right.
The cheerleader did this, okay?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Oh.
-Shit.
-Are you sure this is a good idea?
Yes, we're gonna talk to her parents,
and I'm sure they're going to understand.
I don't think her parents are home.
-Oh.
Uh...
This is all...
What a nightmare! Ugh!
Is this what a teenage party is all about?
Oh, hey. Look.
Hey, Chloe.
Oh, shit!
Did you think that was funny?
Did you and your friends have a big laugh
at all the old ladies?
I guess it wasn't enough just
to humiliate us in front of the school.
You had to share it with the whole world.
Isn't it enough to be pretty, and smart,
and popular?
You have to knock
everybody else down, too?
I mean, what, wait a minute now.
No clever retort, huh?
You have nothing to say at all?
Oh.
-Oh, dear.
-Oh, dear.
-Oh.
Okay...
-No, it's all--
-Hey, hey.
It's all right. It's okay.
There's nothing to cry about, okay?
Don't worry. Don't... don't cry!
No, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know they were gonna post it.
I promise.
God, you must hate me!
Oh, we don't hate you.
Actually, we need you.
For what?
Well, we want you to be our choreographer.
- Yeah.
- That's right.
We're putting our squad back together,
and as you may have noticed,
we have a few rough edges,
but we've seen you. We have.
You're good.
-Yeah.
-And we need some of that.
But... with school
and cheering, I...
I just don't have the time.
-Oh.
-Oh, that's a shame.
Isn't it, Martha?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a real shame.
Oh, but you know
what would be a real shame?
What's that?
If Chloe's parents found out
about this totally epic party.
Oh, that'd be a terrible shame.
You wouldn't.
We might.
Try us.
God.
Good morning, ladies.
What is she doing here?
This is Chloe, right?
Chloe has something
that she wants to say to everyone.
I was the one who took the video.
-Oh, boy.
-Oh, come on. Jeez.
Look, I-I never meant
for it to be posted online,
and I'm sorry.
-I'm really sorry.
-Glad you got that off your chest.
I'm sorry, but there's more
that Chloe has to say. Go on, Chloe.
Uh...
And I would really love
to help coach you guys.
Why would we let her coach us?
Because, Olive,
in case you haven't noticed,
we could do with a little help.
We're not even a club anymore.
-Vicki banned us.
-Oh, forget Vicki!
-We will practice in secret.
-Practice for what?
The Showcase is over.
We're gonna find someplace else
to perform, okay?
We humiliated ourselves. Everybody saw it.
And that's the reason
why we need to do this.
To prove we're not some joke
and to show the world
what we can really do!
We really can do this
if we do this together.
Huh?
All right, ladies. I want you to look
at your reflection in the mirror, okay?
What are we doing?
Just look at your reflection, Ruby.
I want you to really, really look
in that mirror,
and take in yourselves, right?
Look closely.
We're all so self-conscious,
and we're all so worried
about what everyone else is thinking,
when, of course, the only thing
that really matters
is what we think of ourselves.
Really, I want you to take yourself in.
Now, on the count of three,
I want you to say one thing
you like about yourselves.
Oh, gosh.
You can't be serious.
My tits!
-Uh, not yet. Not yet.
Let's wait until the count of three.
What if you don't like anything?
Well, what do you mean?
Then you're not looking hard enough.
You just have to find
what's great about yourselves, okay?
All right. Ready?
Look.
Now...
one,
two, three!
My hair.
-Oh!
So beautiful.
Thank you.
And?
My hands.
My hands.
My smile.
Look at that smile. Okay.
-Damn it.
-And no...
Okay, my wrist.
-Okay.
They take blood really good.
-I found another good feature of yours.
Well...
But what about me? What's good about me?
There's not one thing.
Oh, stop!
All right, let's work! Let's go!
Come on, Chloe!
-Oh.
- Hm?
-A competition?
- Mm-hmm.
This is a really big deal.
People come from all over to compete.
You guys can't compete
next to real cheerleaders.
-Yes, we can!
-The oldest category is 18 plus!
- Uh-huh.
-So what? We're 18 plus.
- Yeah.
-Eighteen plus 50.
Yeah.
-Oh, look.
- What?
It's on in three weeks.
Well, that's okay, because
Chloe's gonna help us.
-Right, Chloe?
-No!
No, you guys didn't say anything
about a competition!
Do you know how much training
that involves?
People train for a year, not three weeks!
Okay...
What do you think?
I say screw it. Let's sign up.
-Oh, my God.
-Yes.
-Come on.
-Yes!
Let's just start with our feet
a little wider than shoulder width,
like so.
And we're just gonna start
with some really easy movement.
So, bring your left arm like this.
Left. Good!
Down, right.
And back up, left.
Right, left!
Left, right!
Left and dirty!
Yes, sexy!
Whoo!
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
I been feeling it since 1966, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still
All up in the air, and throw it.
Two, three.
Did you try to hit me?
-You make mash-ups, right?
-Yeah, yeah, I can.
Could you maybe
cut something together for us?
Yeah, for sure.
Oh, yes! Thank you so much!
Leave her with a babysitter
-Two, three, four, five!
-Five!
Come on! Come on, ladies! Keep up!
Move it, Alice!
Punch, punch, one, two, three.
Punch, punch, one, two, three. Punch!
Might've had your fill
But you feel it still
Just let me change
out of this dance stuff.
Maybe you could just leave it on.
Oh?
I always wanted to date a cheerleader.
Ra, ra, ra! Ra, ra, ra!
We could fight a war for peace
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
Give in to that easy living
Goodbye to my hopes and dreams
You feel that?
Right?
Lean in. Get super, super low. Lower.
Oh, my God!
Five, six, seven, eight...
What's going on with you?
Where've you been?
Sorry, it's been really crazy. So, I...
Well, get your shit together.
You miss one more practice
and we're voting you off the squad.
-Are you okay?
-No, I'm fine.
You look like shit.
Thank you. No, I haven't been
sleeping well. I'm fine.
-You're so skinny.
-Uh-huh. Let's get started, okay?
Is that new?
Thought we could use
a little bit more bass.
Ah. You've shown a lot of interest lately,
haven't you?
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
I been feeling it since 1966, now
Might be over now
But I feel it still
Ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
Let me kick it like it's 1986, now
Might be over now
But I feel it still
Might've had your fill
But you feel it still
Do you think you're irreplaceable?
Well, I like to think I bring
a certain dignity to the position.
Do you think that I would hesitate
to take your little badge,
and take your little cards,
and give 'em to Dorris?
Dorris is a trainee.
She doesn't have the experience.
They are up to something! I know it!
And either you are too stupid
to find it out,
-or you're just not even trying!
-Mm-hmm.
Well, I am definitely trying.
Well, then find out what they're plannin'
and shut it down!
Or I'll shut you down!
- Yeah!
Backstabber!
So, Chloe,
I've been working on an idea.
Something that, I don't know,
would make us stand out.
You know?
Trust me, you guys are gonna stand out.
Yeah, but I do want you to bear with me.
All right?
-You can do it.
-Okay.
Okay, I'm down.
-Okay.
-Show us then.
-All right.
-I'm excited to see it.
Mmm.
Oh, here we are! Okay.
Are you ready for the new move? All right.
-New move?
-Yes?
Oh, I didn't tell you?
-Oh.
-Right? What do you think?
-Wanna try it or not?
- Yeah.
I knew you would!
-I wanna see it.
-I'm not surprised.
That's nice!
There was something about--
Maybe we should have
those elbows stick out wider.
And...
Walk, walk, walk!
Nod, nod, nod, nod!
It's sexual.
Walk, walk, walk, walk!
Whoo!
Unh, unh.
Now, that was fantastic!
This is good, right?
Oh, you're strong.
That's it, let's do it.
Walk, walk, nod, nod.
It's hard this time.
No, we got it, we got it.
We're gonna be fine. Okay? Ready, and...
Walk, walk, walk.
Unh, unh, unh, unh.
Okay, um, let's do it one more time.
-Excuse me, can you take over, Chloe?
-Yeah. Of course.
Okay, that's good. Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah. I like this move.
Let's get it. Left foot forward.
Okay, ladies.
Let's breathe in.
Pli and bring your arms up!
And exhale and go all the way down.
Ow!
Let's hang here for a minute.
And slowly roll up.
Feel your spine.
Yeah.
- Roll your shoulders back.
-Nice.
- Excuse me.
-Can I get a word, please?
-Where's Helen?
I'm taking her out of this club.
It's obvious she can't handle
the peer pressure.
What are you talking about, peer pressure?
That's absurd.
-Look at me when you talk to me.
-Not only do you break her ankle,
now you wanna publicly humiliate her again
with this stupid dance competition.
No, Helen is a really big part
of this team.
You can't just
take her out of the competition.
Step back and let the adults talk. I don't
need a little slut telling me what to do.
-What?
What did you just call her?
-Oh. Now that was...
-No, seriously.
-That...
-What did you just call her?
-That was out of line, I apologize.
-Say it again!
-I dare you! What did you call her?
-Please get your hand-- Ma'am, get--
Ma'am, get your hand out of my face.
-Don't tell me what to do!
-Okay.
I...
Okay, I'm-- I'm leaving.
I'll go.
Because your good girl's gonna go bad
I'm gonna be the swinginest swinger
You've ever had
If you like 'em painted up
Powdered up
Then you oughta be glad
'Cause your good girl's gonna go bad
-Yeah!
I'll even learn
To like the taste of whisky
I'd like to propose a toast to Helen.
-To Helen!
-To Helen!
-To Helen!
-To Helen!
May she outlive her children.
Yeah! Hear, hear!
I'm glad I didn't have any.
Whoo! Yes!
That feels good.
- Wow.
- Wow!
Just a little Sprite.
Um, excuse me for a minute,
but I left a little something on lane 20.
-Ooh!
-Oh!
Is that a little something?
-Wow.
-Careful, baby.
He's kinda cute, don't you think?
Go, Alice!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Whoo!
Can you believe she's the same woman
who wasn't allowed to join the club?
She should've killed that husband
years ago.
Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Joy!
Kill the husband.
Yes.
Sheryl,
that was so badass of you
to stick up for me back there.
Oh.
You're one of us now.
Except with higher boobies.
-Higher boobies!
-Higher boobies!
And she scores!
Grab for the joy.
It is so great to see you so happy.
I think maybe more alcohol in my life
or something.
Okay, we all love you!
Yeah!
We just love!
Yeah!
I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
Okay, you want me
to come with you?
Why didn't you tell me?
Why would I?
Because you tell your friends
when you got cancer, for Christ's sake.
Yeah.
Anyway...
The doctor says you'll be out tomorrow.
And once they drain away all the fluid,
you'll be feeling fine, and...
that's good because
the competition's in three days.
I'm not going.
Oh, yes, you are. The hell you're not.
-No, you don't even need me! What am I--
-Yes, we--
Of course we need you!
You're the leader.
And I'm not gonna let you quit
just like that.
You are coming to the competition
if I have to drag you there myself.
I'm dying.
Well...
you were dying yesterday, and you're...
you're gonna be dying next week.
And in the meantime,
you should be dancing your ass off.
Isn't that what this was all about?
I'm scared.
-I'm scared, okay?
-I know, I know.
I'm sorry, it's just--
I know you're scared, of course.
I'm so scared.
Sometimes you just
have to look that shit in the face
and tell it to go to hell.
Thank you.
-Okay.
Thank you...
for being my friend.
-Your feet are cold.
-I know.
-I don't think she's coming.
- Mm-mm.
- Yeah, I don't know.
-We're gonna be late.
Maybe we should just go on--
No, Ruby! You sit your ass down.
Nobody's going anywhere without Martha.
It's okay.
Oh!
See?
She's here! What took you so long?
-Oh, I know. I know, I know.
-Girl, what took you so long?
-Well, everybody's here.
-No, we got a stop to make.
Okay?
-We gotta get Helen.
- Hey, I--
I can't do this.
Yes, you can.
You're gonna be fine.
And Chloe, why don't you sit in the front
with Ben, okay?
-All right.
-All right.
Do you want some free advice?
Sure.
You cannot wait
for Chloe to notice you, okay?
What? I'm not!
Yeah, no, no.
A girl like that,
she gets a lot of attention,
and you have to be reckless. Right?
What does that mean?
It means life is short,
and make your move already, okay?
Back to throw,
across the middle...
-Well...
-Shit! Tom is here!
Oh, shit. Okay, we need a distraction.
I mean...
Oh, God!
I love being a cheerleader.
Do it, do it!
- At the 35-30 yard line...
Is that our car?
Oh. Son of a...
What are you doing here?
It's a rescue mission!
Now, shh!
Now be quiet!
All right, come on.
Oh, Jesus!
-Security, Chief Carl.
-Carl, you're not gonna believe this shit.
Somebody threw a rock
into my goddamn window!
Any idea who might've done it?
The gang she's always hanging around with?
Ah, hurry!
-Oh, shit!
-Watch that tree.
No, no, no, wait!
Call Vicki.
Sweetie, she's not in here.
What?
Door closing!
Okay, go, go, go!
Thank God! Praise Jesus!
-Come on, let's go, go, go!
-You gotta be kiddin' me!
Mother! Get out of the van, now.
-Yeah!
Who's the little slut now?
Please, stop!
And Dorris, get out. Please, get out.
Please, get out. Out!
Out! Out!
Okay, let's go, Carl.
-All right. Hang on.
-Let's go.
-You in?
Oh, there they are!
-Come on! Cut 'em off!
-Hey.
Oh! Oh!
Turn off the engine
and step out of the vehicle!
Drive, drive!
-Go, go!
-Go!
Oh, my God.
-Where are they goin'?
-Just follow 'em.
-Follow them where?
-Just follow--
Just follow them! Just turn around!
Today, Carl!
Oh!
Oh, my God! Oh, my gosh!
Oh!
Well, can you turn this thing on?
The siren, the...
-Oh! Okay! All right!
Why are we chasing them again?
What? Oh, for pity's sake!
They are an unofficial club.
Go faster!
It does not go any faster!
-Floor it!
-It's floored!
Well, this was a ridiculous purchase,
and I don't know why
you didn't express that
at the time the check was being written!
Oh!
Hi, Vicki!
Where are you all going?
Heading to the cheerleading competition.
Wanna go?
Is that a serious question, David?
And what do you think you're doing?
-I wanna see what's gonna happen.
-Come on, Carl!
-Well, go on, then!
-I'm going.
-Just go on with your bad self!
- I am going!
Panty-chaser!
Turncoat!
Sticks and stones, Vicki!
Sticks and stones!
Traitor!
Hurry!
We're late! Go in! Okay!
The music!
Here, I got it, I got it.
Yeah. I'll check us in. Don't worry.
Here, you got it?
I got it.
Thank you. Um, hi. Where do I sign in?
Sure, which squad
is your granddaughter competing in?
Uh, my granddaughter is not competing.
I am. Sun Springs.
And, um...
It says here you've been disqualified.
Just breathe, stretch.
-You got this.
-Yeah.
Don't even worry about it. Just worry
about your routine and everything.
You need anything?
-Yes, air.
- Mmm.
Yeah. You just gotta breathe.
Our next squad performing...
Oh, shit.
...for the very first time,
all the way from Jacksonville, Florida.
What are you doing here?
I thought you quit.
We came to cheer.
Are you serious?
- Cannot be serious.
- They're competing?
Yeah.
-We are.
Uh...
Okay.
Pathetic.
-Bye.
- Bye, good luck.
Good luck.
Hey!
Hey. What'd she mean about you quitting?
Oh, I was just too busy, you know,
with school and everything.
I-I couldn't do both.
Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
We didn't want you quitting for us.
No, no, no, no, no. I-I wanted to.
I've never had a grandma before,
and now it's like I have eight.
Oh.
Your group is too old to compete.
The entry form says
there's an 18 and over category,
and we're over 18.
-This competition is for young women only.
-What's going on here?
Oh, my God!
Oh, Chief Carl.
Well, she's saying that we can't compete.
You didn't mention
your age on the application.
Chief Carl.
Special Branch Division.
You're in express violation
of both State and Federal law.
Statute 42, Section 8, Verse 3.
If you don't let these women compete,
I'm gonna have to haul your ass
down to the station
and throw the book at you
for age discrimination.
Now, we can do this the easy way,
or we can do it the hard way.
And just for the record,
I prefer the hard way.
You're on in ten minutes.
God, that was amazing!
I can't believe they fell for it.
I made the whole thing up right there!
You did, didn't you? Come on, let's go.
Oh, jeez. Oh, my God.
What took you so long?
Everybody's freaking out!
I feel sick!
My stupid dickhead husband was right!
I can't do this!
Yeah, you're not going anywhere. No.
-No, no, no, no.
-All right, ladies. Huddle up. Come on.
-Okay, let's huddle.
-Come on.
Phew, okay.
Come on.
Guys, don't worry about the audience!
Just follow each other
like we practiced, okay?
We got this.
-Martha?
- Hmm?
Anything you'd like to add?
I know I told you we could do this.
But the truth is I have no idea
what's gonna happen out there.
Maybe we'll make
fools of ourselves, right?
But I do know one thing.
There's no one
I'd rather go out there with...
than you ladies.
I love you! I love you all! Okay?
Now, I know you're scared.
Whoo! I'm scared, too.
Scared?
But, you know,
sometimes you just have to look that shit
in the face and tell it to go to hell!
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Drop it
They're
the Southern Attitude Cheerleaders!
And they showed us that attitude
this year!
Our next squad comes
from the Sun Springs Retirement Community.
Seriously?
-Hey.
-Hey.
Three, six, nine
The goose drank wine
The monkey chew tobacco
On the street car line
The line broke
The monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven
In a little rowboat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, pat
Clap, slap
Clap, pat
Clap your hand
Pat it on your partner's hand
Right hand
Oh, my Olive.
They're amazing!
Pat you partner's left palm
My mother told me
If I was goody
That she would buy me
A rubber dolly
- Let me see you make it clap now
- Yeah
Clap your hands
And pat it on your partner's
Clap your hands
And cross it on your left arm
Pat your hand
Now up on your right arm
Now up on your right arm
If you press along, long
Clap your hands
And put it on your partner's
Clap your hands
And cross it on your left arm
The music's perfect.
Now up on your right arm
Now up on your right arm
If you press along, long
My mother told me
If I was goody
That she would buy me
A rubber dolly
My aunty told her
I kissed a soldier
Now she won't buy me
Now.
A rubber dolly
Whoo!
Never
Never
Never
Yeah!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo!
Spread it like peanut butter jelly
Do it like I owe you some money
Spread it like peanut butter jelly
Do it like I owe you some money
Money, money
Spread it like
I'll give you something to do
Whoo!
That was
the Sun Springs All Stars
from Sun Springs Retirement Community.
What a performance!
What a response from the audience!
Thank you!
Coming up next,
a special performance
by the Sun Springs Cheerleaders
supporting ovarian cancer research
in memory of Martha Walker.
Okay, everyone. Two minutes.
Let's huddle in.
Huddle in.
All right, don't worry about the crowd.
It's just us out there.
You got this.
Sheryl, anything you'd like to add?
Just one thing.
We're doing this...
for Martha.
For Martha.
Spread it like
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Spread it like
Sleepless nights at the chateau
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Kush, kush wherever we go
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
To get a wildfire burning
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Ace high, I'm going all in
Visualize it
I'll give you something to do
Come on, everybody
I say let's play a game
I betcha I can make a rhyme
Out of anybody's name
Sheryl, Sheryl
Sheryl, Sheryl, bo baron
Banana fanna fo faron
Fee fi mo maron
Sheryl
- Who's next?
- Alice!
Alice, Alice, bo balice
Banana fanna fo falice
Fee fi mo malice
Alice
- Now Olive
- Olive!
Olive, Olive, bo bolive
Banana fanna fo folive
Fee fi mo molive
- Olive
- Evelyn!
Evelyn, Evenlyn, bo bevelyn
Banana fanna fo fevelyn
Mee mi moevylyn
- Evelyn
- Ruby!
Ruby, Ruby, bo booby
Banana fanna fo fooby
Fee fi mo mooby
- Ruby
- Phyllis!
Phyllis, Phyllis, bo byllis
Banana fanna fo fyllis
Fee fi mo myllis
- Phyllis
Now Helen!
Helen, Helen, bo bellen
Banana fanna fo fellen
Fee fi mo mellen
Helen
Come on, everybody
I say let's play a game
I betcha I can make a rhyme
Out of anybody's name
Sing it with me
Oh
Oh
Martha
Oh
Oh
Yeah!