Porno (2019) Movie Script
- Yes, big daddy, give it to me.
- Give it to me, daddy. Yes.
Whoa.
- Dude, c'mon.
- We're gonna be late.
Shut up, Todd.
What if they see us?
I can't get in trouble
for this again.
- Ok! Fellas, let's go.
- Hustle up.
Alright.
And now we pray.
Dear Lord,
we thank you for this day,
and for another opportunity
to serve you.
Please order our steps, oh Lord.
Be a lamp unto our feet
and a light unto our path.
For the devil dwells
just below our feet.
We ask that you
watch over Todd, Lord.
Let him not fall
into temptation.
For if one of us falls,
others are sure to follow.
Lord, we ask that you
watch over Ricky
as he rejoins our flock,
and seeks a new purity
in your forgiving light.
Finally, Lord, we ask
that you guide Chastity
as she takes on the mantle
of Assistant Manager.
Ease her journey, Lord.
And let her know
that no amount of makeup
can conceal her love of Christ.
We ask these blessings
in Jesus' name. Amen!
Amen!
Okay, team.
Let's have a great day!
Get busy, folks! Get busy!
Who's there?!
BOO!
Dang it, Chaz!
I told you no horseplay
in the projection booth!
I was just bringing you
your drink!
Shhh! Whisper.
- I asked for no ice.
- I forgot.
It's the same thing every day.
I never drink ice!
I hate this heavy metal crap.
It's not heavy metal,
it's hardcore!
It's hardcore.
Why does everyone call you
"Heavy Metal Jeff?"
No one calls me that!
Shhhh!
Dude! We gotta watch
Encino Man tonight.
I hear that Pauly Shore guy
is a real cut-up.
"Heyyyy, buuuuuudy"
- I don't know.
- Dude, come on.
Ricky and Chaz are going to vote
for girl baseball.
You gotta back me up
on this one.
Dude! Madonna's
in a league of their own.
Did you hear about that book...
called "Sex"?
She wrote it.
Can you imagine?
I wonder if she's, like,
doing it inside.
Or if it's mostly just boobs.
Exactly! That's why
we have to watch league.
Locker room scenes.
But, Abe, it's PG.
- There's boobs in Jaws.
- That's PG.
Yeah, but no... nips.
Just the essentials...
Front door... concessions
supply closet.
Copies of everything are in here
just in case you misplace yours.
But you won't misplace yours
now, will you?
Nope.
Want a belt chain
like boss man's?
No.
Chastity.
What's up?
How do you think Ricky's doing?
Great! He's, uh...
I mean, um... it's really good
to have him back.
It is, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- He's making awesome strides.
Critical strides.
I think it's important
that we support him.
A little bit of patience goes
a long way, don't you think?
Yeah.
Don't lose those keys.
What movie are we
watching tonight?
Not that stupid caveman movie.
Sean Astin used to be cute,
but he grew up... weird.
I'm not watching
A League of Their Own again.
- You already saw it?
- Did you sneak in? Ricky...
- No! I went yesterday...
- with my mom.
You didn't go with Jasmine?
No. She hates baseball.
- Hmm. Some girlfriend.
- Can't wait to meet her.
Hey...
Jasmine's awesome.
She's really on fire for God.
I smell cigs!
What the... hey!
Do you want to show up to heaven
smelling like an ashtray?
You missed some trash.
Kids!
The work you guys put in
this week just has me fired up.
I'm so proud of all of you.
So we get to do
Friday night movie club?
Yes, sir! Just as soon as
you guys sweep the theaters,
you can put in
whatever movie you want.
- Which one is it?
- I gotta go load the projector.
- Encino Man!
- The other one.
I'm not sure we've all had
a chance to really discuss...
No! Pick now, or I'm outta here!
Jeff!
I love your passion.
I love how you're
communicating directly.
But you have to remember,
when you feel like things are
getting outta control... CBTL.
Right. C-B-T-L.
CBTL.
Uh, what's CBTL?
- Christ... Bears...
- The... Load.
Decide amongst yourselves,
put it to a vote.
Jeff will play
whatever movie you choose.
Make sense?
You have my word.
Jeff, I'll be back at midnight
to give you a ride home.
Chastity! The theater is yours.
Have fun, team.
Come on.
Do you guys hear that?
Weird.
I don't remember selling
that guy a ticket.
I don't think
he watched the movie.
Someone would have complained.
I can smell the booze on him
from here.
What should we do?
Hey.
What's that guy doing?
Are you guys going to tell him
to leave or what?
Well, you're in charge, right?
Wimps.
Excuse me, sir?
We're closed.
I'm sorry... you have to go.
NO DESTROYING PROPERTY!
Dang it! COME ON!
Okay.
What is that?
- See, kids?
- That's why I don't drink.
Guys, what is
this hole in the wall?
- What does it look like, dink?
- It's a doorway.
Wait, Jeff, did you know
this was here?
Nope. Never seen it before.
Well, what should we do?
That creepy old guy
is down there.
We should call Mr. Pike.
No.
No. No, wait.
Uh... Let me think.
- Sorry, kids.
- The longer we wait,
the more torqued up
this hobo's gonna get.
We only have one option.
We gotta take out the trash.
Did you see the way he
just... burst through that wall?
It was like he was possessed.
Telltale signs.
Of possession?
Addiction, Ricky.
First it controls your body.
Then it controls your soul.
Guys, where are we?
Is this a basement?
Look.
Whoa.
Are we in another theater?
What was that?
Was that him?
Okay. Let's split up.
You guys check that side,
we'll take this one.
You see him: Bear tactics.
Raise your arms and yell.
Herd him back to the stairs.
Okay.
Do you guys feel that?
Whoa.
What happened in here?
It looks like there was a fire.
Maybe that's why
this was closed down.
Guys.
There's another room.
Bingo.
Crazy.
Maybe the cans
saved some of these prints.
Let's start digging.
Aw, man.
What's that?
Ricky! Ricky, are you guys okay?
Wha-what happened?
Guys, look!
Let's rock.
Did you throw him out?
Nope. The door was swinging
when I got up here.
Where do you think he went?
Roaming. Searching for a fix.
He thinks he's doing the drugs,
but brother,
those drugs are doing him.
- Alright, kids.
- The show's over.
Now... what are we gonna watch?
How about this one?
Whoa.
You found this in the basement?
- What is it?
- Not Encino Man.
- I'm in.
- No way!
I'm not putting this junk
in my projector.
- C'mon, man.
- Don't be such a narc!
Shut it, perv!
If this was locked up
downstairs, it was for a reason.
You want to get in trouble
again?
Dude, we're not
gonna get in trouble.
Ricky's in.
I'm in too.
- Four against one!
- We're watching it.
No way! You guys
are gonna have to kill me.
Mr. Pike told you
to play whatever we choose.
And we've chosen.
Rules are rules,
Heavy Meta Jeff.
That's not my name, dingus.
You gave your word, Jeff.
You don't want me
to tell Mr. Pike
that you broke your word,
do you?
Is this an art film?
I don't know, dude.
I do not know.
Oh... my...
Hey, what the frick?!
- No! That's it!
- Show is over, folks.
- C'mon, man.
- It was just getting good.
I am not breaking my edge
for your European titty movie.
Don't be such a prude, Jeff.
No. He's right.
What?
- This is pornography, Chaz.
- This is a sin.
- It's not pornography.
- It's art.
I feel weird.
Yeah, me too.
You bet you do.
You see, the science of porn
is well known.
The human brain,
when aroused by erotic images,
dumps chemicals
into the bloodstream,
which send the viewer
into full throttle
"give me more" mode.
- You know, that's...
- that's right.
And we may think
that we're just being curious,
but that will turn
into an obsession.
Besides,
what would Mr. Pike think
if he caught us doing this?
Oh, he'd definitely blame me.
I'm the one that's supposed
to be responsible here.
No. I'm the one who brought
the print upstairs.
This is my fault.
And Ricky's right.
If we let ourselves
fall into temptation,
who knows what it'll lead to?
Some of us know
what it will lead to.
Right, Todd?
Wait, where's Todd?
THE WILDCARD!
You little perv!
Todd! Open the door,
Todd! Open it!
TODD!
Real smooth, dingleberry.
It's jammed.
- I didn't do anything.
- I just hit 'Play'.
It's not a VCR.
You can't just hit 'Play'.
See?
This is why amateurs shouldn't
mess with serious equipment.
Well, we're all beefed
if Mr. Pike comes back
and that dirty movie
is in the projector.
No. I cannot get in trouble
for this again.
My dad will send me away.
Todd, don't worry about it, man.
It's gonna be fine.
If I have to call
the repair guy,
I'm gonna tell him
who's responsible.
What the heck, dude?
I got it.
You moron!
Get that filth out of my booth!
That was the craziest
thing I've ever seen.
I know.
Do you think that's how
all pornography is?
I don't know.
We definitely shouldn't have
watched it, that's for sure.
What is this place?
It's fine.
It's just a bunch of old junk.
Okay.
Let's just put this away
so we can get
the heck out of here.
It was right over there.
Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
Can I ask you something first?
Yeah.
You never wrote me
a letter this summer.
What?
- You said you would write me...
- from camp?
Oh, uh, yeah... um...
Look, it was just...
really intense.
- I'm sorry.
- No. No, it's no big deal.
I mean, it's not like
I checked the mail every day
like some dope.
- Chaz...
- Really. It's totally cool.
Trish's cousin Alex
visited for a few weeks
and he brought all these
mix tapes with him. Goth music.
And we pretty much
just drove around
in her mom's Aerostar,
pumping jams.
It was amazing.
Your dad let you do that?
I don't have to ask
permission for everything.
I didn't ask if I could
wear this eyeliner.
I didn't ask if I could listen
to The Cure. And, and...
I didn't ask
if I could kiss Alex.
I just did those things
because, who cares? Right?
It's not like someone's
out there missing me
or wondering what I'm doing.
Alex, huh?
Was he a good kisser?
You're such an idiot.
Hello?
Mr. Pike's going to
explode my nuts
if I can't get this fixed.
Explode your nuts?
- Is that a thing?
- It happens, man.
My dad was in 'Nam.
He says he saw it all the time.
Cheese and rice!
I can't believe that degenerate
broke my projector.
Lay off him, man.
Abe...
You seem like a good kid.
But Todd is a verified pervert.
You shouldn't be
hanging out with him.
Who died and made you
role model?
Didn't you drop out of college
and move back in with your mom?
You think you know
everything, don't you?
But listen up.
'Cause maybe you'll learn
a thing or two.
That college
was sucking away my money
and pumping me
full of secular propaganda.
With all the dough I'm saving
living at home,
I'm gonna buy
a brand-new drum kit.
Then I'm going to
get my band back together
and we are gonna thrash
harder than ever.
Yeah, I'm sure God loves
your crappy heavy metal.
It's not heavy metal.
Besides, what are you
doing with your life
that makes you
so special, anyway?
Exactly.
This is a... weird movie.
Something's not right.
"The demon can only be
summoned or dispatched
"via the sacred instruments...
"Only in its true form.
It's true form."
What is that?
It's a book.
Look, Chaz... I'm sorry.
Whatever.
Hey! Don't be like that.
I just don't get
what's going on with you.
Growing up, all you talked about
was baseball.
Leaving town,
playing for the majors...
If that's not what you want,
then what do you actually want?
What does that look like to you?
I don't care about that book.
Talk to me.
What is that?
Okay...
Let's get out of here.
Wait, I thought
you propped this open.
I did.
I promise.
No!
Hello?
Hello?
Who's out there?
Todd!
Stop messing around. Open up!
Guys?
Ten foot... hole?
What the
my...
God...
Weird.
Where's Todd? I mean,
he should be back by now.
He's probably wankin' it,
thinkin' about that titty movie.
He'd never do that.
Todd's a spaz,
but he's not a perv.
The cops found him in a tree
with a pair of binoculars...
- You don't know that.
- Peeping on some lady.
It was in the paper, bro!
Facts are facts.
Dude!
Shut up.
Abe!
Come back here
and pick this stuff up.
Todd!
Todd.
Abe!
Wait up, man.
Figures.
Todd!
Dude, you're gonna have
to give him mouth to mouth.
He's breathing, you cretin.
Todd.
You okay, man? What happened?
I-I saw her.
You saw who?
Well, who'd you see, Todd?
Her.
Dude.
He peed his pants.
Abe, I don't think
it's pee, man.
It's not.
What are you talking about?
- The woman...
- The woman from the film.
She was here.
I saw her...
Her hooters, man.
- And everything else.
- Yeah, right.
The only naked lady
you've ever seen is your mom.
My mom's dead, freak.
Prove it!
What was that?
What the...
Careful, Heavy Metal Jeff.
Don't break your edge.
Forget it, loser.
I'm not popping wood
for this trash.
Dang it.
You find anything back there?
Calm down, I'm looking.
What the heck?
Who's there?
Ricky?
What? What happened?
Were-were-were you
just in there with me?
Was that you?
- What?
- I... I saw... I saw, um...
I touched your, uh...
Chastity, stop!
I don't want you.
What?
I mean
because of Jasmine, you know.
And Mr. Pike, he said...
Ricky, shut up!
I think someone's
in here with us.
What?
This is what I saw in there.
- Abe!
- Let us out!
Todd!
Listen...
Clearly, you saw one of
these titty posters
and you thought
it was a real woman.
All these porn chemicals
running around in your brain,
giving you hallucinations
and whatnot...
It's totally typical
of satanic takeover of the mind.
It's not porn chemicals.
I saw her.
You believe me, right?
Maybe you got confused?
Abe...
Abe, please.
I saw her bush, man.
Guys...
Look at this photo.
Who does this look like?
It's that old boozer.
But, when was this taken?
- Abe, Todd.
- Todd.
You guys hear that?
Get us outta here.
- Help! Abe! Open up!
- Help! Jeff! Todd!
What were you two
doing in here so long?
We got stuck.
Didn't you a-holes hear us
screaming and pounding?
Screaming and pounding, huh?
Shut up, Todd.
Shut up, everybody.
We gotta get out of here.
No!
What?
Someone took my keys.
Did you lock us in here?
No, I left them in the door.
Okay, that's it, knuckleheads.
Turn out your pockets.
Wait.
There are copies
in Mr. Pike's office.
It's the woman from the film.
- She's here.
- What did you say?
Todd! Shhh.
- No, no, no.
- We gotta get outta here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I can't let you do that, buddy.
It's a violation
of employee policy
on destroying company property.
Okay?
It's in the handbook.
Alright? Use your head.
Okay, guys.
Look...
There ain't no movie woman.
If you ask me
it's that creepy old dude.
I think he used to
own the place.
And now he's back.
Under the influence,
and a perv to boot.
Someone like that
is capable of anything.
Boys
it's time to ante up.
Forget that.
Let's get the keys
and get out of here.
The lady from the film is here,
I'm telling you.
It just sounds crazy, Todd.
Why can't you
back me up on this?
Just this once.
Right or wrong,
I always stick by you.
You two losers sound
like an old married couple.
- Shut up, Heavy Metal Jeff!
- Shut up, Heavy Metal Jeff!
Guys!
Look.
You put that dirty movie
on again?
No way!
We put it back
where we found it.
Nope, I'm outta here.
- Office!
- What was that?
Was that the projector?
Oh no.
Dope fiend with a fistful
of keys and nothing to lose?
It's grandpa's party now.
Barricade that door.
What's in here?
A rifle.
Are you serious?
That's what Mr. Pike told me
when I was training.
He was showing me
around the office
and when I asked him
what was in the cabinet...
- He pulled out a gun?
- I don't buy it.
No. He didn't pull it out.
He just said
I never had to worry
because he was watching out
for everybody.
What... what was that?
Guys...
Where's Todd?
He didn't come in here with us?
Well, he's still out there.
- Move this stuff!
- Wait, maybe it's Mr. Pike.
It's not midnight yet!
It's hobo fever.
Let's smoke this junkie.
What's this?
What is this for?
To clean his gun?
What gun?
Weird.
- Whoa.
- What is it?
We shouldn't have
opened this cabinet.
This is... is private.
Give it. I want to see.
Give it to me.
I don't get it.
Wait, what?
Oh, my gosh.
What? Abe, hook it to the TV.
No.
Do it.
What the H?
Turn it off.
Turn it off now!
Mr. Pike was filming
customers in the ladies room.
- It can't be.
- This just can't be.
There are so many tapes.
Shut up, Chaz. It's not true.
Did you do this? Hm?
Or your little friend?
No. I've never even
been in here before.
What kind of a joke is this?
Guys, look.
Give me that.
No way.
This doesn't make any sense.
This doesn't make
any kind of sense.
No... it all makes sense.
Mr. Pike's a liar.
What?!
Mr. Pike is full of bull crap.
I mean, what's all that
crazy junk downstairs?
What are all these tapes?
He's not a liar.
Oh, yeah?
Why'd you go to camp
this summer?
What does that
have to do with anything?
Camp?
Aren't you a little old
for camp?
I'm just...
I'm not supposed to
talk about it.
Why not?
Didn't you find it
transformative?
How do you know about that?
Mr. Pike.
He told you?
He said it would fix things.
That it would take the burden
of homosexuality off you
so you could be free
to live a normal life.
You're gay?
But... but
you're, like, an athlete.
She's lying.
Shut up, Chaz.
I'm lying?
I'm lying?
Who do you think told Mr. Pike
that you were having
lustful thoughts about men?
Girls playing baseball
gay guys playing baseball...
what is going on, man?
It's not true. It's not true.
Chaz just can't stand it
that I am in love with Jasmine
and not her.
There is no Jasmine.
What in the Lord's name?
Hello?
Chaz?
Ricky?
Where are you guys?
Chaz?
It's okay, man.
You can still beat this.
I was an addict too.
My vice? Nicotine.
It took me months.
Even after I found my edge.
But I haven't smoked in a year.
Mr. Pike helped me quit.
He helped me find God again.
He's no perv.
And neither are you.
Hello?
C'mon, man.
There's no cryin' in baseball.
Guys...
Alright now.
Enough's enough.
He's here.
- Mr. Pike!
- Mr. Pike!
- Mr. Pike.
- We're in your office!
He can't hear us.
I'm comin' in... guys?
Something's not right.
It's her.
Who?
What is he doing?
Okay.
Oh, my.
Todd was right.
Is this really happening?
Whoa.
Mercy.
Mercy.
Oh, yes.
What is that?
Brother,
that's unbridled perversion.
No, no, no.
That.
Oh, no.
Mr. Pike! Oh, God!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
He's still alive.
He's still alive.
We have to help him.
We have to help him.
We have to help him.
Come on!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What?!
I'm the only one
who can handle this.
Lock the door, sit tight,
don't move 'til I say,
"all clear."
Read me?
Are you sure?
I have the bat.
Go.
Mr. Pike...
Put him down, you godless beast.
CBTL. CBTL. CBTL. CBTL...
Nicotine.
Christ...
Bears...
The...
Loaaa...
Ah! My nut!
She got Jeff!
Whoa.
She... exploded... my... nuts.
It's just like in there...
Hey. Hey, hey. No.
Stay with me.
Hey! Hey!
Stick with me here, Jeff.
Okay... alright...
- No.
- Let me help you.
I did first aid
for the baseball team.
But Ricky...
- Look, Jeff...
- you're bleeding out.
Are you sure it's a good idea?
I mean... you know...
Because you're a gay dude.
Do you think
I'm going to get turned on
by your exploded testicles?
Is that how you think
being gay works?
Honestly, man...
I have no idea.
We have to find Todd...
Before that thing does.
I know he's your friend, man.
But there's no saving him now.
You saw what happened
to Mr. Pike.
Mr. Pike...
It's a pervert's fate.
No, he's not a pervert.
It wasn't his idea to peep
on that lady in her bathroom.
It was mine.
Todd didn't want to,
but he did it
because I asked him.
He climbed that tree with me,
and then...
The lady caught us, and Todd
just... couldn't get
down the tree fast enough.
You know, 'cause
his hand.
- And I ran away.
- Abe...
He didn't even
want to be there and I ran.
I left him and he got caught
and never said a word.
Why are you saying all this?
He's not the pervert, Chaz.
I am.
Okay.
Okay.
Alright...
It's all done.
Here.
Take these.
Look.
They're pain killers.
I use them when
my shoulder flares up.
My life is poison-free, Ricky.
You know that's non-negotiable.
You consume
at least a 144 ounces
of caffeine-free diet coke,
every day.
Pain is temporary
honor is immortal.
What are we up against here?
It's called a succubus.
Sh-She's a handmaiden
of the Evil One
whose profane thirst
in unquenchable.
She inflames the loins...
and ravages the soul.
Once under her spell,
her supplicants become prisoners
of their own wicked desires,
for all eternity.
Let me see.
Yeah... that's the one
that popped me.
No one is safe.
I saw her in the basement
she kissed me.
Was it sexy?
She was a man.
Oh, Jesus.
Guys.
When we watched that movie
we unleashed a sex demon.
See, kids?
That's why I don't watch porno.
Abe, we have to
destroy the film.
That's how this
whole thing started,
that's how we'll finish it.
Come on, it's
still in the projector.
No. I have to find Todd.
We've seen what she can do.
I can't abandon him.
Not again.
Abe, you're brave.
But remember...
Don't let it tempt you.
I couldn't hold my edge.
That's how I lost my nuts.
That's how Mr. Pike
lost the whole package.
Todd.
Todd!
You guys ready?
Let it burn.
Guys, why is there no smoke?
So he looked and behold...
The brush was burning with fire.
But it was not consumed.
Figures...
We need to pray. That's-that's
the only way that we beat this.
Count me out.
Give me a light.
Jeff, are you sure?
I believe in nothing now.
Lord, forgive us
for the abomination
that we have brought
into our lives.
Please cleanse our souls
and let us be released from
what our iniquity has wrought.
Let this foul,
malevolent force be cast
back into the darkness
from where it came.
I'm so sorry, Ricky.
I always wondered
how Mr. Pike knew.
I mean, I thought
I was hiding it well.
A-A lot of guys wear
earrings these days.
I didn't know you were
going to give up baseball.
He told my parents, Chaz.
I-I was trying to help you.
Did you pray for me to be fixed?
Guys, stop it.
Mr. Pike is a fraud.
This place is a den of filth.
God has abandoned us.
All we have is each other.
We have to find Todd.
Did you see that?
Did you... did you see that?
Abe, your pants.
It's-It's Todd...
He's in there.
Todd? Todd!
Holy crap! Is he dead?
No, wait. Look.
He's still moving.
It's the creepy old man.
Jeff was right.
He was behind this whole thing.
Oh, man...
He's bleeding.
I see you've been
touched by the demon
same as me.
Oh, I have been touched by her,
but not the same as you!
Don't you touch him!
Todd! Are you okay?
What have they done to you?
I got knocked out.
This guy cut his penis off.
I don't know why.
Nobody tells Todd anything.
You've seen his pictures, Todd.
You saw his posters.
He's a smut peddler.
He unleashed the monster
that killed Mr. Pike,
and now he wants to turn you
into his own
personal pleasure pony!
- What?!
- What do you want?
Me?
I want the same as you.
Out of this place!
You see...
This was mine... yeah? All mine.
Before they drove me out...
Before they burned
my archive... my face...
This was my pleasure palace!
And I the Lord ...Lord Beekman!
Oh, but we must be quick now...
The hour of unity approaches.
You were kind enough
to conjure her.
Now I have arranged
the sacred instruments.
The mortar...
the bells... the knife.
I provided the ounce of flesh.
And this... this degenerate
holds the final ingredient...
Virgin blood.
Stop cutting me! Please!
Not one step further.
Or I'll let him...
Like a goat.
Blood of virgins.
Purity... and light.
Stand back, children,
and behold!
They will never
separate me again
from the Goddess of the Flesh!
No!
Don't!
Whoa.
Hello?
Where are we?
I think we're in the same place.
Todd!
You're okay!
Are you okay?
Why am I in my street clothes?
Where are Chaz and Ricky?
Chaz?
Ricky?
Maybe they're upstairs?
Chaz?
Ricky?
Is it morning already?
No way.
What?
It burned me.
Help...
- Help!
- Hey, help!
Help! Help us!
Help us! Help!
Help.
Whoa!
Did you see that?
This... is no bueno.
Uh, guys?
Todd... your hand.
Weird.
Fuck yes.
Todd?
Todd?
Oh, boy.
Please...
What should I do?
Sorry.
True form...
What?
What was that?
It's a book...
We unleashed a sex demon...
It's called a succubus...
What does that look like to you?
I don't care about that book.
The mortar...
the bells... the knife...
I have arranged
the sacred instruments...
She kissed me...
True form... true form...
true form...
The sacred instruments.
The demon can only be
summoned or dispatched
via the sacred instruments
when it's in its... true form.
What'd you just say?
Chaz, what's going on?
I have a plan.
For what?
For getting our friends back.
Man, what is going on right now?
Real wrath of god-type stuff.
Fire and brimstone
coming down from the skies.
Rivers and seas boiling.
Forty years of darkness.
Earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead
- rising from the grave...
- Whoa, whoa, wait.
Is this from
The Book of Revelations?
Ghostbusters.
I think we have company.
It's working.
What is that?
I don't know.
What are we gonna do?
Die.
Todd?
What's up, pussy?
You must be stoked to be
in the girls' bathroom.
You come in here to
lick the toilet seats or what?
No. It's not-It's not him.
He's, like, possessed
or something.
- Nah, dawg. I'm not possessed.
- I'm fucking free.
And now, you're going to die
dick less in the girl's shitter.
Just like that fuckwad Mr. Pike.
Hey, watch your mouth,
Demon Todd.
Hey, fuck you, poser!
What did you call me?
A poser. A crybaby.
A momma's boy who got
too scared at college
and came running home
with his tail between his legs.
You know what I would've done
for a crack at all that
free porn and booze
you ran away from
at that college?
I would have given
my right fucking hand.
But now I don't have to.
Once I'm done with you two,
I'm gonna saddle up
and strap in for an eternity
full of fucking
fightin',
and gettin' my knob slobbed
by that sexy-ass demon chick.
We have to kill Todd.
Come at me, bitch.
Ricky?
Are you ready?
Ricky?
Should I do it?
Ricky! What are you seeing?
What's it like?
Just...
Give me... a few more minutes...
No, wait! You can't hurt him.
Regular Todd is still
inside him. I know it.
Look, Todd...
I know you're in there.
Regular Todd is dead.
There's only Demon Todd now.
- Move over, Abe.
- No, no, no, no, wait!
Abe! We're in trouble, man!
Regular Todd,
if you can hear me,
I need you to know one thing.
I love you, man.
You always get my back.
And you never complain
when I don't get yours.
You're the best friend
a guy could have.
I realize that now.
And if I die here today,
I'll be glad I got to spend
my last few moments alive
with you.
There's nobody else
I'd rather spend them with.
Come here, man.
Don't do it, dude!
Oldest trick
in the fucking book!
My nuts!
Ricky!
Ricky, I'm going to do it now.
I have to change it back
to its true form,
or you can't kill it.
No, wait.
No, I have to.
If you go all the way,
the demon will kill you.
Hold on a second...
- Ricky! Ricky, I'm gonna do it.
- I'm gonna do it!
No! No! No!
- Please!
- Oh, boo hoo.
Abe's trapped in Hell world.
I'm going to rip off
your ding-dong
and feed it to you
like a baby bird.
Really?
Let's get those pants off,
big boy.
Ricky!
Bingo.
Aw, shoot.
Whoa.
I'm sorry I grabbed
your junk, dude.
I feel awful.
- It's okay, buddy.
- It wasn't you.
Thank you for coming after me.
Yes!
Guys! Oh, you're back!
See. Your plan worked.
Ricky, what happened to you?
Oh... I...
We killed her,
or trapped her
back in the film, at least.
Someone has to watch over it.
Make sure nobody
ever sees it again.
Abe... what if you get,
like, tempted or something?
CBTL.
So... what do we do now?
Let's get the heck out of here.
- Give it to me, daddy. Yes.
Whoa.
- Dude, c'mon.
- We're gonna be late.
Shut up, Todd.
What if they see us?
I can't get in trouble
for this again.
- Ok! Fellas, let's go.
- Hustle up.
Alright.
And now we pray.
Dear Lord,
we thank you for this day,
and for another opportunity
to serve you.
Please order our steps, oh Lord.
Be a lamp unto our feet
and a light unto our path.
For the devil dwells
just below our feet.
We ask that you
watch over Todd, Lord.
Let him not fall
into temptation.
For if one of us falls,
others are sure to follow.
Lord, we ask that you
watch over Ricky
as he rejoins our flock,
and seeks a new purity
in your forgiving light.
Finally, Lord, we ask
that you guide Chastity
as she takes on the mantle
of Assistant Manager.
Ease her journey, Lord.
And let her know
that no amount of makeup
can conceal her love of Christ.
We ask these blessings
in Jesus' name. Amen!
Amen!
Okay, team.
Let's have a great day!
Get busy, folks! Get busy!
Who's there?!
BOO!
Dang it, Chaz!
I told you no horseplay
in the projection booth!
I was just bringing you
your drink!
Shhh! Whisper.
- I asked for no ice.
- I forgot.
It's the same thing every day.
I never drink ice!
I hate this heavy metal crap.
It's not heavy metal,
it's hardcore!
It's hardcore.
Why does everyone call you
"Heavy Metal Jeff?"
No one calls me that!
Shhhh!
Dude! We gotta watch
Encino Man tonight.
I hear that Pauly Shore guy
is a real cut-up.
"Heyyyy, buuuuuudy"
- I don't know.
- Dude, come on.
Ricky and Chaz are going to vote
for girl baseball.
You gotta back me up
on this one.
Dude! Madonna's
in a league of their own.
Did you hear about that book...
called "Sex"?
She wrote it.
Can you imagine?
I wonder if she's, like,
doing it inside.
Or if it's mostly just boobs.
Exactly! That's why
we have to watch league.
Locker room scenes.
But, Abe, it's PG.
- There's boobs in Jaws.
- That's PG.
Yeah, but no... nips.
Just the essentials...
Front door... concessions
supply closet.
Copies of everything are in here
just in case you misplace yours.
But you won't misplace yours
now, will you?
Nope.
Want a belt chain
like boss man's?
No.
Chastity.
What's up?
How do you think Ricky's doing?
Great! He's, uh...
I mean, um... it's really good
to have him back.
It is, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- He's making awesome strides.
Critical strides.
I think it's important
that we support him.
A little bit of patience goes
a long way, don't you think?
Yeah.
Don't lose those keys.
What movie are we
watching tonight?
Not that stupid caveman movie.
Sean Astin used to be cute,
but he grew up... weird.
I'm not watching
A League of Their Own again.
- You already saw it?
- Did you sneak in? Ricky...
- No! I went yesterday...
- with my mom.
You didn't go with Jasmine?
No. She hates baseball.
- Hmm. Some girlfriend.
- Can't wait to meet her.
Hey...
Jasmine's awesome.
She's really on fire for God.
I smell cigs!
What the... hey!
Do you want to show up to heaven
smelling like an ashtray?
You missed some trash.
Kids!
The work you guys put in
this week just has me fired up.
I'm so proud of all of you.
So we get to do
Friday night movie club?
Yes, sir! Just as soon as
you guys sweep the theaters,
you can put in
whatever movie you want.
- Which one is it?
- I gotta go load the projector.
- Encino Man!
- The other one.
I'm not sure we've all had
a chance to really discuss...
No! Pick now, or I'm outta here!
Jeff!
I love your passion.
I love how you're
communicating directly.
But you have to remember,
when you feel like things are
getting outta control... CBTL.
Right. C-B-T-L.
CBTL.
Uh, what's CBTL?
- Christ... Bears...
- The... Load.
Decide amongst yourselves,
put it to a vote.
Jeff will play
whatever movie you choose.
Make sense?
You have my word.
Jeff, I'll be back at midnight
to give you a ride home.
Chastity! The theater is yours.
Have fun, team.
Come on.
Do you guys hear that?
Weird.
I don't remember selling
that guy a ticket.
I don't think
he watched the movie.
Someone would have complained.
I can smell the booze on him
from here.
What should we do?
Hey.
What's that guy doing?
Are you guys going to tell him
to leave or what?
Well, you're in charge, right?
Wimps.
Excuse me, sir?
We're closed.
I'm sorry... you have to go.
NO DESTROYING PROPERTY!
Dang it! COME ON!
Okay.
What is that?
- See, kids?
- That's why I don't drink.
Guys, what is
this hole in the wall?
- What does it look like, dink?
- It's a doorway.
Wait, Jeff, did you know
this was here?
Nope. Never seen it before.
Well, what should we do?
That creepy old guy
is down there.
We should call Mr. Pike.
No.
No. No, wait.
Uh... Let me think.
- Sorry, kids.
- The longer we wait,
the more torqued up
this hobo's gonna get.
We only have one option.
We gotta take out the trash.
Did you see the way he
just... burst through that wall?
It was like he was possessed.
Telltale signs.
Of possession?
Addiction, Ricky.
First it controls your body.
Then it controls your soul.
Guys, where are we?
Is this a basement?
Look.
Whoa.
Are we in another theater?
What was that?
Was that him?
Okay. Let's split up.
You guys check that side,
we'll take this one.
You see him: Bear tactics.
Raise your arms and yell.
Herd him back to the stairs.
Okay.
Do you guys feel that?
Whoa.
What happened in here?
It looks like there was a fire.
Maybe that's why
this was closed down.
Guys.
There's another room.
Bingo.
Crazy.
Maybe the cans
saved some of these prints.
Let's start digging.
Aw, man.
What's that?
Ricky! Ricky, are you guys okay?
Wha-what happened?
Guys, look!
Let's rock.
Did you throw him out?
Nope. The door was swinging
when I got up here.
Where do you think he went?
Roaming. Searching for a fix.
He thinks he's doing the drugs,
but brother,
those drugs are doing him.
- Alright, kids.
- The show's over.
Now... what are we gonna watch?
How about this one?
Whoa.
You found this in the basement?
- What is it?
- Not Encino Man.
- I'm in.
- No way!
I'm not putting this junk
in my projector.
- C'mon, man.
- Don't be such a narc!
Shut it, perv!
If this was locked up
downstairs, it was for a reason.
You want to get in trouble
again?
Dude, we're not
gonna get in trouble.
Ricky's in.
I'm in too.
- Four against one!
- We're watching it.
No way! You guys
are gonna have to kill me.
Mr. Pike told you
to play whatever we choose.
And we've chosen.
Rules are rules,
Heavy Meta Jeff.
That's not my name, dingus.
You gave your word, Jeff.
You don't want me
to tell Mr. Pike
that you broke your word,
do you?
Is this an art film?
I don't know, dude.
I do not know.
Oh... my...
Hey, what the frick?!
- No! That's it!
- Show is over, folks.
- C'mon, man.
- It was just getting good.
I am not breaking my edge
for your European titty movie.
Don't be such a prude, Jeff.
No. He's right.
What?
- This is pornography, Chaz.
- This is a sin.
- It's not pornography.
- It's art.
I feel weird.
Yeah, me too.
You bet you do.
You see, the science of porn
is well known.
The human brain,
when aroused by erotic images,
dumps chemicals
into the bloodstream,
which send the viewer
into full throttle
"give me more" mode.
- You know, that's...
- that's right.
And we may think
that we're just being curious,
but that will turn
into an obsession.
Besides,
what would Mr. Pike think
if he caught us doing this?
Oh, he'd definitely blame me.
I'm the one that's supposed
to be responsible here.
No. I'm the one who brought
the print upstairs.
This is my fault.
And Ricky's right.
If we let ourselves
fall into temptation,
who knows what it'll lead to?
Some of us know
what it will lead to.
Right, Todd?
Wait, where's Todd?
THE WILDCARD!
You little perv!
Todd! Open the door,
Todd! Open it!
TODD!
Real smooth, dingleberry.
It's jammed.
- I didn't do anything.
- I just hit 'Play'.
It's not a VCR.
You can't just hit 'Play'.
See?
This is why amateurs shouldn't
mess with serious equipment.
Well, we're all beefed
if Mr. Pike comes back
and that dirty movie
is in the projector.
No. I cannot get in trouble
for this again.
My dad will send me away.
Todd, don't worry about it, man.
It's gonna be fine.
If I have to call
the repair guy,
I'm gonna tell him
who's responsible.
What the heck, dude?
I got it.
You moron!
Get that filth out of my booth!
That was the craziest
thing I've ever seen.
I know.
Do you think that's how
all pornography is?
I don't know.
We definitely shouldn't have
watched it, that's for sure.
What is this place?
It's fine.
It's just a bunch of old junk.
Okay.
Let's just put this away
so we can get
the heck out of here.
It was right over there.
Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
Can I ask you something first?
Yeah.
You never wrote me
a letter this summer.
What?
- You said you would write me...
- from camp?
Oh, uh, yeah... um...
Look, it was just...
really intense.
- I'm sorry.
- No. No, it's no big deal.
I mean, it's not like
I checked the mail every day
like some dope.
- Chaz...
- Really. It's totally cool.
Trish's cousin Alex
visited for a few weeks
and he brought all these
mix tapes with him. Goth music.
And we pretty much
just drove around
in her mom's Aerostar,
pumping jams.
It was amazing.
Your dad let you do that?
I don't have to ask
permission for everything.
I didn't ask if I could
wear this eyeliner.
I didn't ask if I could listen
to The Cure. And, and...
I didn't ask
if I could kiss Alex.
I just did those things
because, who cares? Right?
It's not like someone's
out there missing me
or wondering what I'm doing.
Alex, huh?
Was he a good kisser?
You're such an idiot.
Hello?
Mr. Pike's going to
explode my nuts
if I can't get this fixed.
Explode your nuts?
- Is that a thing?
- It happens, man.
My dad was in 'Nam.
He says he saw it all the time.
Cheese and rice!
I can't believe that degenerate
broke my projector.
Lay off him, man.
Abe...
You seem like a good kid.
But Todd is a verified pervert.
You shouldn't be
hanging out with him.
Who died and made you
role model?
Didn't you drop out of college
and move back in with your mom?
You think you know
everything, don't you?
But listen up.
'Cause maybe you'll learn
a thing or two.
That college
was sucking away my money
and pumping me
full of secular propaganda.
With all the dough I'm saving
living at home,
I'm gonna buy
a brand-new drum kit.
Then I'm going to
get my band back together
and we are gonna thrash
harder than ever.
Yeah, I'm sure God loves
your crappy heavy metal.
It's not heavy metal.
Besides, what are you
doing with your life
that makes you
so special, anyway?
Exactly.
This is a... weird movie.
Something's not right.
"The demon can only be
summoned or dispatched
"via the sacred instruments...
"Only in its true form.
It's true form."
What is that?
It's a book.
Look, Chaz... I'm sorry.
Whatever.
Hey! Don't be like that.
I just don't get
what's going on with you.
Growing up, all you talked about
was baseball.
Leaving town,
playing for the majors...
If that's not what you want,
then what do you actually want?
What does that look like to you?
I don't care about that book.
Talk to me.
What is that?
Okay...
Let's get out of here.
Wait, I thought
you propped this open.
I did.
I promise.
No!
Hello?
Hello?
Who's out there?
Todd!
Stop messing around. Open up!
Guys?
Ten foot... hole?
What the
my...
God...
Weird.
Where's Todd? I mean,
he should be back by now.
He's probably wankin' it,
thinkin' about that titty movie.
He'd never do that.
Todd's a spaz,
but he's not a perv.
The cops found him in a tree
with a pair of binoculars...
- You don't know that.
- Peeping on some lady.
It was in the paper, bro!
Facts are facts.
Dude!
Shut up.
Abe!
Come back here
and pick this stuff up.
Todd!
Todd.
Abe!
Wait up, man.
Figures.
Todd!
Dude, you're gonna have
to give him mouth to mouth.
He's breathing, you cretin.
Todd.
You okay, man? What happened?
I-I saw her.
You saw who?
Well, who'd you see, Todd?
Her.
Dude.
He peed his pants.
Abe, I don't think
it's pee, man.
It's not.
What are you talking about?
- The woman...
- The woman from the film.
She was here.
I saw her...
Her hooters, man.
- And everything else.
- Yeah, right.
The only naked lady
you've ever seen is your mom.
My mom's dead, freak.
Prove it!
What was that?
What the...
Careful, Heavy Metal Jeff.
Don't break your edge.
Forget it, loser.
I'm not popping wood
for this trash.
Dang it.
You find anything back there?
Calm down, I'm looking.
What the heck?
Who's there?
Ricky?
What? What happened?
Were-were-were you
just in there with me?
Was that you?
- What?
- I... I saw... I saw, um...
I touched your, uh...
Chastity, stop!
I don't want you.
What?
I mean
because of Jasmine, you know.
And Mr. Pike, he said...
Ricky, shut up!
I think someone's
in here with us.
What?
This is what I saw in there.
- Abe!
- Let us out!
Todd!
Listen...
Clearly, you saw one of
these titty posters
and you thought
it was a real woman.
All these porn chemicals
running around in your brain,
giving you hallucinations
and whatnot...
It's totally typical
of satanic takeover of the mind.
It's not porn chemicals.
I saw her.
You believe me, right?
Maybe you got confused?
Abe...
Abe, please.
I saw her bush, man.
Guys...
Look at this photo.
Who does this look like?
It's that old boozer.
But, when was this taken?
- Abe, Todd.
- Todd.
You guys hear that?
Get us outta here.
- Help! Abe! Open up!
- Help! Jeff! Todd!
What were you two
doing in here so long?
We got stuck.
Didn't you a-holes hear us
screaming and pounding?
Screaming and pounding, huh?
Shut up, Todd.
Shut up, everybody.
We gotta get out of here.
No!
What?
Someone took my keys.
Did you lock us in here?
No, I left them in the door.
Okay, that's it, knuckleheads.
Turn out your pockets.
Wait.
There are copies
in Mr. Pike's office.
It's the woman from the film.
- She's here.
- What did you say?
Todd! Shhh.
- No, no, no.
- We gotta get outta here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I can't let you do that, buddy.
It's a violation
of employee policy
on destroying company property.
Okay?
It's in the handbook.
Alright? Use your head.
Okay, guys.
Look...
There ain't no movie woman.
If you ask me
it's that creepy old dude.
I think he used to
own the place.
And now he's back.
Under the influence,
and a perv to boot.
Someone like that
is capable of anything.
Boys
it's time to ante up.
Forget that.
Let's get the keys
and get out of here.
The lady from the film is here,
I'm telling you.
It just sounds crazy, Todd.
Why can't you
back me up on this?
Just this once.
Right or wrong,
I always stick by you.
You two losers sound
like an old married couple.
- Shut up, Heavy Metal Jeff!
- Shut up, Heavy Metal Jeff!
Guys!
Look.
You put that dirty movie
on again?
No way!
We put it back
where we found it.
Nope, I'm outta here.
- Office!
- What was that?
Was that the projector?
Oh no.
Dope fiend with a fistful
of keys and nothing to lose?
It's grandpa's party now.
Barricade that door.
What's in here?
A rifle.
Are you serious?
That's what Mr. Pike told me
when I was training.
He was showing me
around the office
and when I asked him
what was in the cabinet...
- He pulled out a gun?
- I don't buy it.
No. He didn't pull it out.
He just said
I never had to worry
because he was watching out
for everybody.
What... what was that?
Guys...
Where's Todd?
He didn't come in here with us?
Well, he's still out there.
- Move this stuff!
- Wait, maybe it's Mr. Pike.
It's not midnight yet!
It's hobo fever.
Let's smoke this junkie.
What's this?
What is this for?
To clean his gun?
What gun?
Weird.
- Whoa.
- What is it?
We shouldn't have
opened this cabinet.
This is... is private.
Give it. I want to see.
Give it to me.
I don't get it.
Wait, what?
Oh, my gosh.
What? Abe, hook it to the TV.
No.
Do it.
What the H?
Turn it off.
Turn it off now!
Mr. Pike was filming
customers in the ladies room.
- It can't be.
- This just can't be.
There are so many tapes.
Shut up, Chaz. It's not true.
Did you do this? Hm?
Or your little friend?
No. I've never even
been in here before.
What kind of a joke is this?
Guys, look.
Give me that.
No way.
This doesn't make any sense.
This doesn't make
any kind of sense.
No... it all makes sense.
Mr. Pike's a liar.
What?!
Mr. Pike is full of bull crap.
I mean, what's all that
crazy junk downstairs?
What are all these tapes?
He's not a liar.
Oh, yeah?
Why'd you go to camp
this summer?
What does that
have to do with anything?
Camp?
Aren't you a little old
for camp?
I'm just...
I'm not supposed to
talk about it.
Why not?
Didn't you find it
transformative?
How do you know about that?
Mr. Pike.
He told you?
He said it would fix things.
That it would take the burden
of homosexuality off you
so you could be free
to live a normal life.
You're gay?
But... but
you're, like, an athlete.
She's lying.
Shut up, Chaz.
I'm lying?
I'm lying?
Who do you think told Mr. Pike
that you were having
lustful thoughts about men?
Girls playing baseball
gay guys playing baseball...
what is going on, man?
It's not true. It's not true.
Chaz just can't stand it
that I am in love with Jasmine
and not her.
There is no Jasmine.
What in the Lord's name?
Hello?
Chaz?
Ricky?
Where are you guys?
Chaz?
It's okay, man.
You can still beat this.
I was an addict too.
My vice? Nicotine.
It took me months.
Even after I found my edge.
But I haven't smoked in a year.
Mr. Pike helped me quit.
He helped me find God again.
He's no perv.
And neither are you.
Hello?
C'mon, man.
There's no cryin' in baseball.
Guys...
Alright now.
Enough's enough.
He's here.
- Mr. Pike!
- Mr. Pike!
- Mr. Pike.
- We're in your office!
He can't hear us.
I'm comin' in... guys?
Something's not right.
It's her.
Who?
What is he doing?
Okay.
Oh, my.
Todd was right.
Is this really happening?
Whoa.
Mercy.
Mercy.
Oh, yes.
What is that?
Brother,
that's unbridled perversion.
No, no, no.
That.
Oh, no.
Mr. Pike! Oh, God!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
He's still alive.
He's still alive.
We have to help him.
We have to help him.
We have to help him.
Come on!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What?!
I'm the only one
who can handle this.
Lock the door, sit tight,
don't move 'til I say,
"all clear."
Read me?
Are you sure?
I have the bat.
Go.
Mr. Pike...
Put him down, you godless beast.
CBTL. CBTL. CBTL. CBTL...
Nicotine.
Christ...
Bears...
The...
Loaaa...
Ah! My nut!
She got Jeff!
Whoa.
She... exploded... my... nuts.
It's just like in there...
Hey. Hey, hey. No.
Stay with me.
Hey! Hey!
Stick with me here, Jeff.
Okay... alright...
- No.
- Let me help you.
I did first aid
for the baseball team.
But Ricky...
- Look, Jeff...
- you're bleeding out.
Are you sure it's a good idea?
I mean... you know...
Because you're a gay dude.
Do you think
I'm going to get turned on
by your exploded testicles?
Is that how you think
being gay works?
Honestly, man...
I have no idea.
We have to find Todd...
Before that thing does.
I know he's your friend, man.
But there's no saving him now.
You saw what happened
to Mr. Pike.
Mr. Pike...
It's a pervert's fate.
No, he's not a pervert.
It wasn't his idea to peep
on that lady in her bathroom.
It was mine.
Todd didn't want to,
but he did it
because I asked him.
He climbed that tree with me,
and then...
The lady caught us, and Todd
just... couldn't get
down the tree fast enough.
You know, 'cause
his hand.
- And I ran away.
- Abe...
He didn't even
want to be there and I ran.
I left him and he got caught
and never said a word.
Why are you saying all this?
He's not the pervert, Chaz.
I am.
Okay.
Okay.
Alright...
It's all done.
Here.
Take these.
Look.
They're pain killers.
I use them when
my shoulder flares up.
My life is poison-free, Ricky.
You know that's non-negotiable.
You consume
at least a 144 ounces
of caffeine-free diet coke,
every day.
Pain is temporary
honor is immortal.
What are we up against here?
It's called a succubus.
Sh-She's a handmaiden
of the Evil One
whose profane thirst
in unquenchable.
She inflames the loins...
and ravages the soul.
Once under her spell,
her supplicants become prisoners
of their own wicked desires,
for all eternity.
Let me see.
Yeah... that's the one
that popped me.
No one is safe.
I saw her in the basement
she kissed me.
Was it sexy?
She was a man.
Oh, Jesus.
Guys.
When we watched that movie
we unleashed a sex demon.
See, kids?
That's why I don't watch porno.
Abe, we have to
destroy the film.
That's how this
whole thing started,
that's how we'll finish it.
Come on, it's
still in the projector.
No. I have to find Todd.
We've seen what she can do.
I can't abandon him.
Not again.
Abe, you're brave.
But remember...
Don't let it tempt you.
I couldn't hold my edge.
That's how I lost my nuts.
That's how Mr. Pike
lost the whole package.
Todd.
Todd!
You guys ready?
Let it burn.
Guys, why is there no smoke?
So he looked and behold...
The brush was burning with fire.
But it was not consumed.
Figures...
We need to pray. That's-that's
the only way that we beat this.
Count me out.
Give me a light.
Jeff, are you sure?
I believe in nothing now.
Lord, forgive us
for the abomination
that we have brought
into our lives.
Please cleanse our souls
and let us be released from
what our iniquity has wrought.
Let this foul,
malevolent force be cast
back into the darkness
from where it came.
I'm so sorry, Ricky.
I always wondered
how Mr. Pike knew.
I mean, I thought
I was hiding it well.
A-A lot of guys wear
earrings these days.
I didn't know you were
going to give up baseball.
He told my parents, Chaz.
I-I was trying to help you.
Did you pray for me to be fixed?
Guys, stop it.
Mr. Pike is a fraud.
This place is a den of filth.
God has abandoned us.
All we have is each other.
We have to find Todd.
Did you see that?
Did you... did you see that?
Abe, your pants.
It's-It's Todd...
He's in there.
Todd? Todd!
Holy crap! Is he dead?
No, wait. Look.
He's still moving.
It's the creepy old man.
Jeff was right.
He was behind this whole thing.
Oh, man...
He's bleeding.
I see you've been
touched by the demon
same as me.
Oh, I have been touched by her,
but not the same as you!
Don't you touch him!
Todd! Are you okay?
What have they done to you?
I got knocked out.
This guy cut his penis off.
I don't know why.
Nobody tells Todd anything.
You've seen his pictures, Todd.
You saw his posters.
He's a smut peddler.
He unleashed the monster
that killed Mr. Pike,
and now he wants to turn you
into his own
personal pleasure pony!
- What?!
- What do you want?
Me?
I want the same as you.
Out of this place!
You see...
This was mine... yeah? All mine.
Before they drove me out...
Before they burned
my archive... my face...
This was my pleasure palace!
And I the Lord ...Lord Beekman!
Oh, but we must be quick now...
The hour of unity approaches.
You were kind enough
to conjure her.
Now I have arranged
the sacred instruments.
The mortar...
the bells... the knife.
I provided the ounce of flesh.
And this... this degenerate
holds the final ingredient...
Virgin blood.
Stop cutting me! Please!
Not one step further.
Or I'll let him...
Like a goat.
Blood of virgins.
Purity... and light.
Stand back, children,
and behold!
They will never
separate me again
from the Goddess of the Flesh!
No!
Don't!
Whoa.
Hello?
Where are we?
I think we're in the same place.
Todd!
You're okay!
Are you okay?
Why am I in my street clothes?
Where are Chaz and Ricky?
Chaz?
Ricky?
Maybe they're upstairs?
Chaz?
Ricky?
Is it morning already?
No way.
What?
It burned me.
Help...
- Help!
- Hey, help!
Help! Help us!
Help us! Help!
Help.
Whoa!
Did you see that?
This... is no bueno.
Uh, guys?
Todd... your hand.
Weird.
Fuck yes.
Todd?
Todd?
Oh, boy.
Please...
What should I do?
Sorry.
True form...
What?
What was that?
It's a book...
We unleashed a sex demon...
It's called a succubus...
What does that look like to you?
I don't care about that book.
The mortar...
the bells... the knife...
I have arranged
the sacred instruments...
She kissed me...
True form... true form...
true form...
The sacred instruments.
The demon can only be
summoned or dispatched
via the sacred instruments
when it's in its... true form.
What'd you just say?
Chaz, what's going on?
I have a plan.
For what?
For getting our friends back.
Man, what is going on right now?
Real wrath of god-type stuff.
Fire and brimstone
coming down from the skies.
Rivers and seas boiling.
Forty years of darkness.
Earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead
- rising from the grave...
- Whoa, whoa, wait.
Is this from
The Book of Revelations?
Ghostbusters.
I think we have company.
It's working.
What is that?
I don't know.
What are we gonna do?
Die.
Todd?
What's up, pussy?
You must be stoked to be
in the girls' bathroom.
You come in here to
lick the toilet seats or what?
No. It's not-It's not him.
He's, like, possessed
or something.
- Nah, dawg. I'm not possessed.
- I'm fucking free.
And now, you're going to die
dick less in the girl's shitter.
Just like that fuckwad Mr. Pike.
Hey, watch your mouth,
Demon Todd.
Hey, fuck you, poser!
What did you call me?
A poser. A crybaby.
A momma's boy who got
too scared at college
and came running home
with his tail between his legs.
You know what I would've done
for a crack at all that
free porn and booze
you ran away from
at that college?
I would have given
my right fucking hand.
But now I don't have to.
Once I'm done with you two,
I'm gonna saddle up
and strap in for an eternity
full of fucking
fightin',
and gettin' my knob slobbed
by that sexy-ass demon chick.
We have to kill Todd.
Come at me, bitch.
Ricky?
Are you ready?
Ricky?
Should I do it?
Ricky! What are you seeing?
What's it like?
Just...
Give me... a few more minutes...
No, wait! You can't hurt him.
Regular Todd is still
inside him. I know it.
Look, Todd...
I know you're in there.
Regular Todd is dead.
There's only Demon Todd now.
- Move over, Abe.
- No, no, no, no, wait!
Abe! We're in trouble, man!
Regular Todd,
if you can hear me,
I need you to know one thing.
I love you, man.
You always get my back.
And you never complain
when I don't get yours.
You're the best friend
a guy could have.
I realize that now.
And if I die here today,
I'll be glad I got to spend
my last few moments alive
with you.
There's nobody else
I'd rather spend them with.
Come here, man.
Don't do it, dude!
Oldest trick
in the fucking book!
My nuts!
Ricky!
Ricky, I'm going to do it now.
I have to change it back
to its true form,
or you can't kill it.
No, wait.
No, I have to.
If you go all the way,
the demon will kill you.
Hold on a second...
- Ricky! Ricky, I'm gonna do it.
- I'm gonna do it!
No! No! No!
- Please!
- Oh, boo hoo.
Abe's trapped in Hell world.
I'm going to rip off
your ding-dong
and feed it to you
like a baby bird.
Really?
Let's get those pants off,
big boy.
Ricky!
Bingo.
Aw, shoot.
Whoa.
I'm sorry I grabbed
your junk, dude.
I feel awful.
- It's okay, buddy.
- It wasn't you.
Thank you for coming after me.
Yes!
Guys! Oh, you're back!
See. Your plan worked.
Ricky, what happened to you?
Oh... I...
We killed her,
or trapped her
back in the film, at least.
Someone has to watch over it.
Make sure nobody
ever sees it again.
Abe... what if you get,
like, tempted or something?
CBTL.
So... what do we do now?
Let's get the heck out of here.