Potato Potahto (2017) Movie Script

After careful deliberation,
this is my final ruling.
As per your prenuptial agreement,
you both get to keep whatever
you owned before your union.
As for the house which you contributed
equal funds and time,
I grant you your request.
Share the space equally
if you are unwilling to sell. Good luck.
[lighthearted music playing]
[vocalizations continue]
Only you can make me act a fool
Only you can make my heart go boom
Only you can make me feel this way
You make me go crazy, I love you, baby
Ain't nobody in this world
Make me feel like you, girl
More precious than anything
Money, cars, diamond rings
You know all the joy you bring
Make a brother wanna sing
Every time you kiss me, girl
You know you make my head spin
Oh, you make me feel so high
Like I'm flying through the sky
Yes, I'm on top of the world
Only when I'm with you, girl
Having parties every night
Going crazy, having fights
Been there, done that, I can't go back
Now I know that
Only you can make me act a fool
That's why
Only you can make my heart go boom
That's why
Only you can make me feel this way
You make me go crazy, I love you, baby
Only you can make me act a fool
That's why
Only you can make my heart go boom
That's why
Only you can make me feel this way
You make me go...
[Tony chuckles]
I just wanted to see you before--
You are not supposed to see the bride
before the wedding.
I just needed to steal a quick kiss.
-[Lulu giggles]
-[Tony grunts]
You want my heart back in love
But I won't go
- And all these tears that I've cried
-[phone vibrates]
- Are not for show
-[phone continues vibrating]
Your love was my heart
Hello, Mum...
[Mrs. Wilson] Lu. How did it go?
It's done. There were no surprises.
-[Mrs. Wilson] Are you OK?
Should I come and get you?
I can be there in thirty minutes.
I'm not leaving.
I thought I made myself clear on that.
Lu, this is insane. How can you live
in the same house with your ex-husband?
I own half of that house,
and I won't give him
the satisfaction of taking it.
I wont let him win.
Nobody wins in a divorce.
Well, its where I live now. You either
come and see me, or I'll come when I can.
OK. Ill see you later.
OK, bye.
[exhales deeply]
It's official. [chuckles]
[sighs] I now have focus and direction.
Meaning you are moving out?
[scoffs] My friend, I said direction,
not ejection.
Im thinking of redecorating, actually.
Maybe some red walls, a ping pong table...
How about a housewarming party? [chuckles]
Tell me.
Why were you trying to get divorced again?
Tony, just sell her the house now.
I made the first offer to buy that house,
you know that?
She came back with a counteroffer
and had the nerve to quote a lower price.
[scoffs] I love that house.
I made that house.
Its my dream home.
You mean yours and hers.
Yeah, so we'll both have it.
After all, what else did she give me
apart from heartaches?
So you are punishing her for...
ending a relationship
you didnt exactly fight for.
Look, I fought for that relationship
right from the first time I kissed her,
and she said I tasted like herrings.
-You taste like herrings?
-Are you crazy?
[mid-tempo lighthearted music playing]
Hey, babe
Your love, wish I could dump in
I really want to tell you something
Sorry, I don't want to disturb you
Frances, I told you. Im not hungry.
OK, how about a drink?
When you move from left to right
When you're moving it fast and you're
Moving it slow, you know I lose my mind
Can I have another one please?
[Frances chuckles]
Apparently, I am a drunk too.
Dont worry. I wont tell anybody.
Lulu, you do know that you're going
to see Tony more in one week
than I'll ever shave my armpits
in an entire year.
My God, how did I even get here?
You do know that sometime last week,
I could have sworn I heard him jerking off
in the middle of the night.
[shrieks] Maybe he saw you naked.
Got him all worked up.
You think hes spying on me?
As you listen to him too, sweetie.
-[phone dings]
Oh. There they go.
Who was that?
My alarm says Tony is an hour away.
-Away from where?
And you set an alarm for that?
Well, I like to get there first
before he does.
I mean, I dont have time
for all the awkward greetings.
Oh my goodness, how I wish
I could erect a new staircase
from behind the house
all the way upstairs. Oh!
You do know
you can make this a lot simpler
and so much cheaper
if you just get the hell out of there.
And give him the satisfaction of keeping
my dream house? Hell to the no!
Lulu, this is insane, even for you.
I am doing just fine, sweetheart.
Now you, on the other hand, need to come
visit before I divorce you too.
Hey da da, Hey da da
If I catch you from there
I'm like hey da da
We can groove on the floor
How we do on the sheets
It's nobody's business what I do
With the beat, I'm on fire
We can dance so like we're matin'
Mr. Quartey. Please come.
Henceforth, I need you to use this side
of the entrance, OK?
And make sure you park the car
more towards this side.
Exactly on this angle. Right here, OK?
-Yes, madam.
Miss Wilson, Mr. Quartey. And take note
that a lot of things are going to change
around this house.
And dont forget
to park the car exactly on this angle.
Yes, Miss Wilson.
[uplifting music playing]
Good afternoon, Mr. G.
Good afternoon, Mr. Quartey.
Are you going somewhere?
I am moving the car, sir.
To where?
To Miss Wilsons side of the entrance,
Oh, of course.
What about a gate?
I am sorry, sir?
Arent you guys erecting another gate
on your side of the house?
I dont think that will be necessary, sir.
Ah, you dont know that for sure.
Things have changed around here.
[Tony sighs]
Home sweet home.
[uplifting song playing]
[door shuts]
[sentimental music playing]
I only think about you
In the time I breathe
I close my eyes
And you're the only one I see
It's bad enough
I think about you every day
I open my lips
And your name is the first thing I say
-[music fades out]
[Lulu] Tony...
What is it?
Sorry. I was going to come and clean it.
Ten minutes
after youve brushed your teeth?
[Lulu] Ah, ah, ah...
I'm sick and tired of picking after you,
Tony. You are not a five-year-old.
Was that even necessary?
Dont speak to a man like hes an idiot.
I wouldn't if he does
what he's supposed to do.
Like putting down the toilet seat
once it's done,
like throwing away your empty
deodorant cans once you've finished,
like replacing the soap
once you used the last drop,
or like washing the lather off the walls
once you finish bathing.
I'm like living with my mother now.
You sure know how
to make a man feel small, don't you?
[playful music playing]
-[Tony] I want to kiss you.
-[Lulu laughs] No.
Sorry, but you shouldnt have done that.
It's just a fucking kiss.
Whats wrong with you?
You know I dont like doing that
before brushing my teeth in the morning.
Yeah, clearly, you don't do
a lot of things, Miss Perfect.
Whats that supposed to mean?
What kind of female are you?
Most women would love to be kissed,
cuddled, made love to in the morning--
I am not most women.
Well, clearly...
You didnt seem to have a problem
with that.
Yeah, well I do now...
I have a problem with not being
able to kiss my wife after we wake,
not being able to cuddle her
because her neck will hurt,
not being able to make love to her
right after her menses because shes raw,
not being able to get into the shower
with her because she will itch...
Hell, I have a problem with marrying
the least of all women.
I decided to prepare you something.
Aw. You didnt have to.
Thank you.
How are you?
[Mrs. Wilson chuckles]
Shouldnt we drop this in the kitchen?
Let's go upstairs, Mummy. Trust me.
[energetic instrumental music playing]
You thought I would always be begging
You thought I would always be loving
You thought I would always be needing
You thought I would always be wanting
You thought I would constantly
Be saying, baby, please be mine
But guess what, the table's turned
Yeah, you broke me
You broke me in two
You are not allowed to stay downstairs?
This is my space.
And whose decision was that?
Both of us.
You guys managed to agree
on everything except staying married.
[whispering] Mom!
And how long is this arrangement
supposed to last?
Well, for as long as I live here.
Mummy, please. Not you too.
I would be a bad mother
if I pretend that this is OK.
I mean, all mothers want their children
to be happy.
Married... with kids...
Maybe thats just not for me, Mummy.
Sorry. Come here.
[Lulu chuckles]
You deserve every happiness
that life can offer.
Are we allowed to have
your birthday party here?
Now look who is trying to be mean.
[both laugh]
Oh, is this allowed?
What? Laughing?
This must be awkward even for you.
It will be fine, Mummy. Trust me.
Now laugh... Laugh...
Thats more like it! [laughs]
Oh, I am sorry...
I didnt... know there was anyone here.
It's just me, Tony.
You dont have to leave.
I hope I am not in your way.
My daughter said I have to stay
on this side of the kitchen.
No, [clears throat] you are fine.
How are you?
I... I'm OK.
I brought some food. Would you like some?
Uh, no.
You always said I was the better cook.
Mrs. Wilson...
I... I cant take this.
Why not?
[sighs] Well... again...
I wont tell if you dont.
Go on.
Thank you.
I brought enough food for the both of you.
I guess thats your side of the kitchen?
Uh, yes.
Mrs. Wilson.
I think this is a bad idea.
From the man who is living
with his ex-wife?
Which level is yours?
The bottom.
[Mrs. Wilson tapping spoon on container]
How is it?
You know...
I... I always thought
-if anyone was going to...
-[refrigerator dings]
make a good wife out of my daughter,
it would be you.
[refrigerator dings]
I am sorry.
So am I, Tony.
So am I.
Good night.
Good night.
[lighthearted music playing]
Oh my...
[Tony continues coughing]
Drink it before I spank you!
[Tony clears throat]
[door clatters]
Good morning.
I thought to let you know
that I am hiring help
to come do some cleaning.
I dont need one, thank you.
Actually, it's not for the both of us,
just me.
I just wanted you to know
in case you run into her.
Yes, its a girl.
[lighthearted music playing]
[lighthearted music continues]
Is this the pity party? [chuckles]
[hand smacks]
Come in, man.
You know, if I didnt know better,
I would say that
youve been avoiding coming here.
Avoiding this situation is more like it.
And you are supposed to be my boy?
Now, if I was dragged to court
to testify against you
being a very terrible ex-husband,
would you want me to testify truthfully
or falsely?
Uh, truthfully.
Good. So the less I see of you here,
the better for you, my friend.
I guess you have a point but wait...
Are you saying
that I am a terrible husband?
Your Honor, I guess he meant ex-husband.
Son of a bitch. Beer?
How are you?
Im great.
Where is she?
So this is officially your space?
[chuckles softly]
Yeah. You know, this and two bedrooms
and half of the kitchen
and half of the compound.
[commentator on TV]
Along with Barcelona and Real Madrid,
Athletic Bilbao have never
been in the Primera division--
Any luck with the help?
Yeah, I have some options,
but I am still trying to make up my mind.
[commentator on TV] It's a brilliant run
from Messi going all the way...
Sorry, sorry!
[commentator on TV] Its going to be three
Copa De Rey final goals...
from the magical... imperial...
Lionel Messi.
Lights up the Camp Nou
-one more time.
-Are you sure?
Yeah, its good.
[distant footsteps]
You uh... OK?
Yeah... I'm good... good.
OK, so... I'm just gonna go out
to meet some friends for dinner.
Oh, OK.
-See you around.
You all right, man?
Oh boy, your babe is hot.
Shes not my babe.
And you are not... Goal-- [mutters]
We are pulling you guys tonight.
Excuse me.
Oh, hi...
Hello. You must be Lulu?
[woman chuckles]
I am Marian... Mr. Tonys help.
Yes, the help.
Well, um... I hope you dont mind.
I took some of your sugar to make Tony...
[clears throat] Mr. Tonys tea.
Hes run out,
and I'll later go for shopping for him.
[upbeat music playing]
See you around.
Underneath I'm a jewel
Underneath I'm a jewel
Underneath I'm a jewel
'Cause I still hide away
Underneath I'm a jewel
Underneath I'm a jewel
Underneath I'm a jewel
'Cause I still hide away
Hush, hush, don't say a word
Time's up, can you be my man
Guess this is how
I stole your heart away
[Lulu] The help is a tall, pretty,
with a weave
the length of the Kagera Nile.
Look, I'm not even surprised 'cause
Tony will do anything to get me upset.
What if he's genuinely
hiring her services?
Oh, yes, he is all right. For sex.
Lulu, helps come in different shapes
and sizes these days, you know.
Would you bring a hot looking gentleman
into the home you share
with your ex-husband?
No, but I wont share the same house
as my ex-husband.
What if he brings in a girlfriend? Huh?
Have you thought of that?
I thought of everything, Frances.
And if this is Tonys way of getting
me out, he is in for a real shock.
It's on.
Whats on?
Why would you turn me down
- Nobody there when he follow me
Nobody there when he follow me
Nobody there, nobody there,
Nobody there when he follow me
[water splashing]
Excuse me...
[forcefully] Excuse me.
Excuse me. Hey.
Who are you?
Gabby... Miss Wilsons help.
what else do you do around here
apart from bathing her car?
Cook, clean... You know.
I see.
Hey, you know... Has anybody told you
you look like Clark Kent?
You know, Superman.
Man of Steel, baby!
[grunts loudly and mimics song]
[shouts, grunts]
We need to talk.
-I'm listening.
-You didnt tell me
you were hiring help, too.
Oh that... sorry.
He came in earlier than expected.
[scoffs] You are so predictable.
I hire help, you hire help--
Whats good for the gander, Tony...
Besides, I dont remember having any
problems when you brought in Miss World.
And thats why Mr. World
is out there? You are jealous?
What do you want, Tony?
I expect to be told
if I'm going to be running
into strange shirtless men on my lawn.
That is my half of the lawn.
And I dont remember being asked
permission before you brought in that--
I told you she was coming before she came.
What difference did that make? Hm?
I have a man help servicing my needs
in this house.
Get used to it.
[playful music playing]
[clears throat]
Hey. Uh... This is for you.
For me?
Oh, wow.
Oh my God.
You shouldnt have.
It's nothing really.
No one has ever bought anything
this beautiful for me before.
Yeah, I just, you know,
thought I should get you something
for all the work that you do around here.
Yeah. Its very nice.
Thank you.
Wow, thank you so much. Oh, thank you.
Its OK.
[knocks on door]
[door opens]
You wanted to see me?
Um, yes... Yes, just come in.
So I found this, and I thought
it would look very good on you.
Its a slim fit shirt. I want you
to wear it when you are not washing. OK?
Thank you.
You are welcome. And if you need
anything else, just make sure you let me--
[dramatic music playing]
What the hell was that for?
[clears throat] I thought--
You thought what?
I'm sorry, I...
Look, I thought you wanted me to do that.
You are paying me a lot of money
to be here, wash your car...
[exhales deeply]
And I-- I just...
you know, walking around doing nothing.
And then you buy me gifts...
What am I supposed to think?
-So that's not what you--
What I want is...
You know what, Gabby? Just do your job.
You can go now.
Do you want me to--
Yes, and I want you to wear it.
[up-tempo pop music playing]
Like the way I shake my new age
Roller coaster love
Roller, roller coaster love
Tell me, tell me who you are
Come and tell me who you are
You so chico all just come
And put your body on my body
I'm a, I'm a smooth operator
That's just who I am
You want to touch my middle
Then come over here, let's rap a little
Got a real cute face with
A little bitty waist, Yup
- I'm so extravagant
-[clears throat]
You see those flashing cameras
That's right, boy, I'm a hottie
You just look groovy, baby
Look at my groovy
I'm feeling groovy
Listen to my heartbeat
-Can I ask you something?
-[music pauses]
-Its OK. Never mind.
-[song starts again]
I think I want to love
So groovy,
My status higher than
But there's no Scottie, just two bodies
One for the sway and one pure hottie
No, not flavor of love
But I want to add flavor to the love
Make that sweet like honey
So I love to taste it
[both talking indistinctly]
[talking indistinctly]
[talking indistinctly]
[talking indistinctly]
Grab drinks, Ill see you soon.
What the hell?
Everything OK...
Get out.
Get out!
[humorous music playing]
If I see you here again,
I swear I will kill you.
[humorous music continues]
Dont come back.
You are so despicable, you know that?
What! What did she say to you?
What did she say to me?
What did she say to you?
I dont know what you are talking about!
You dont know what I'm talking about?
-Yes, I mean, look--
-How can you stand there
and lie to me in my face like that?
Lie to you? She said something to you.
I dont know what she said,
so I dont know why you are saying--
I will never forgive you for this.
Its all your fault.
You brought her in here.
You brought him here,
and you are saying this is my fault?
I told you before I brought her here.
I will never forgive you for this. Never.
Forgive me for what?
I dont even know what youre--
Lulu, if I don't know what she told you,
then how do I know
what you're talking about?
What is this? Whats wrong?
I have no freaking idea!
[Mrs. Wilson] OK, stop!
What's going on?
I dont understand what it is,
and when I try to understand--
[Lulu] He decides to bring a girl
into the house and when I--
No! No!
You speak only when I ask you to.
So as not to be accused of siding
with my daughter,
I'm going to ask Tony to speak first.
I came home
and found our helps doing each other.
They were having sex on my bed.
Oh, I see.
Go on.
Of course, I asked them to leave
and never come back.
And on their way out,
my help says something to her,
and she gets upset,
but doesn't tell me what the girl says
but insists on calling me
these horrible names--
I only called you despicable, Tony.
You will stop at nothing
to see me miserable.
This from someone
who asked me for a divorce?
Lets not forget
who broke up this marriage.
If you wanted it that much,
why didn't you fight for it?
Like the way you fought for it?
The way you did?
Tony, you know I fought for it.
I worked my butt off--
Tony, I've heard your side of the story.
Lulu, what did the girl say to you?
[scoffs] I cant.
I havent done anything.
I swear, I havent.
Why do you two insist
on destroying each other?
This is clearly unhealthy.
[scoffs] Sell the house.
Move on.
Unless its more... complicated than that.
They say its only the tortoise
that knows what's, um...
hiding under its shell.
[mid-tempo sentimental music playing]
Lulu, open the door.
Love my all
And tell me you care
I... I made you...
I have tea.
I used honey, half a teaspoon...
and some lemon or lime...
I never know the difference.
And, uh...
I'm sorry.
None of this, like...
None of this makes sense anymore.
[mid-tempo African song playing]
All day, all night
You don't know how my eye gets
Because the first day I see you
I'm shocked, I drop my bucket
I rush, you stop me
You rush me, say you can't fool me
You did me rough, Charlie
You did me rough, Charlie
- But now I'll be soft, Charlie
- For you, for you I'll be a writer
I just hope you don't make
I tell you sweet's worse to the hurt
And I promise to her
All day, all night, lady
Talking sweet words in your ears
All night, lady
I wash your feet in warm water
Be your cold when it's hot
Be your warm when it's cold
Baby, what more can I do
All day, all night, all day, all night
I brought you some tea.
Thank you.
Uh, Lulu,
I... really want to know
what she said to you.
-[somber music playing]
-Lulu, please.
OK. Well, she--
Because I would never...
You'd never...
-[rooster crowing]
-Sorry, let me just--
Its Fred, just give me a sec.
Hey, dude, can I call you back?
I am in the middle of...
OK, all right, um... Im on my way...
Is he OK?
His wife collapsed.
They are at the hospital,
so I have to go and--
Its fine.
Hey, look,
I would've come with you, but...
It's fine. Ill tell him.
OK, thanks. Its fine. Leave it.
[somber music playing]
[phone vibrates]
Yeah, hi.
Hey, is everything OK?
Uh, yeah.
[mumbles] I have to stay with Fred tonight
at the hospital.
Oh... whats wrong?
Well, she's still out of it.
I dont want to leave him by himself.
Do you need anything?
Um, no. I am OK.
Hey, look,
I can bring you change of clothes.
That would be nice.
OK. See you soon.
All right. Bye.
How is she?
It's a kidney disease.
Nobody knew she had it.
One of those ones.
[both sigh]
Is she going to be OK?
[sighs] They are running more tests.
Id like to go and see her if thats OK.
Fred would like that.
-[Lulu sighs]
-[Tony sighs]
Tough guy.
You should have seen him.
Composed. Like a picture of... strength.
Uh... I cant manage it.
Well, I think you can manage it just fine.
I dont know a tougher guy.
That almost sounds like a compliment.
Well, I think it is.
Here I was...
thinking you were my strength.
Tony... Hey.
[exhales sharply]
Watching her lying there...
Just hanging on...
I couldnt--
I couldn't help but think of you.
You know, of...
Of us.
What if things just ended now?
It will end badly, Lulu.
Very badly.
["For A Day" playing]
Santa, give me Hanna for a day
I know you think it's early
But I've count out the days
I made a promise
And my debt's to be paid
How about you give me Hanna for a day
Santa, give me Hanna for a day
At least you owe me one wish
For the whole of the year
See, I believed in you
Since I was a kid
You owe me one
And she's that one
I know I've made mistakes
I've been a naughty child
And I'm worth my weight in gold
I've rubbed almost every lamp
Chased every rainbow there is
I've found gold
But who wants gold?
How about you give me Hanna for a day
I know she's not your usual
No, she's not a toy
But I promise I'll be nice
Then I'll smile in the frost
At all cost
I must have Hanna
For a day
For a day
I know I've made mistakes
I've been a naughty child
I'm worth my weight in gold
I've wrestled leprechauns
Ridden on unicorns
I hit gold,
Oh, I don't care for gold
I know I've made mistakes
I've been a naughty child
And I'm worth my weight in gold
I've brought kings to their knees
Princes meet my every needs
No care for gold
Oh, she's worth more than gold
[doorbell rings]
[doorbell rings]
[doorbell rings repeatedly]
You are renting your side of the house?
[lighthearted music playing]
Wait, what, what...
Why is there a woman out there
asking to rent your space?
-Oh, uh, well...
-Huh, what was that?
No, I didnt hear you.
I guess I am very stupid.
Some cheap teary tricks
to get me into your bed?
If I remember clearly, you came to me.
Maybe thats because
you were crying so hard like a baby.
Even I wouldn't stoop this low, Lulu.
Dont you dare try to turn this on me.
You're the one who find it so difficult
to live with me under one roof.
[scoffs] You know,
I dont know about you, Lulu,
but as much as I have tried,
I have found it incredibly hard
to live with you under the same roof
because after all, we are separated
and seeing you every day just deepens
my guilt about our divorce,
our failed marriage.
And secondly, I meant everything
that I said to you last night,
and as far as the lovemaking goes, you and
I know that weve never needed tricks.
Oh... That has always been a problem,
hasn't it, Tony?
You do exactly what you feel like
when you feel like it.
And me, I always find out
when it's too late.
[to himself] Hey...
Sorry about this morning
because... I wanted to tell you about it,
but we weren't speaking,
and I felt that another woman...
[imitating Lulu] You felt?
You felt? It's always about you, Tony.
You do exactly what you, when you want...
[as himself] Yeah, well I thought that
youd be pleased to see me go...
I thought you hated me...
[imitating Lulu]
Oh... no baby, I dont hate you.
Come, lets make love.
[lighthearted music playing]
I changed the locks, Tony.
[Tony scoffs]
Lulu, I am tired.
I am not in the mood for games.
You dont live here anymore, Tony.
You broke our deal.
I didnt break any deal!
Look, I had a thought.
Oh... OK. How about I give you
something else to think about?
This crazy arrangement is over.
I get to keep the house,
and you... get a life. How's that?
Look, I have a life, OK?
And its not out here.
Open this door, damn it!
All right. OK, I'm sorry but...
I wasnt going to move her in
without telling you first.
Just like you told me about your new job
on the day of your appointment?
Or when you decided to have dinner
with your ex-girlfriend
and only told me when I walked in on you?
Oh, wait. Here's a very good one.
You remember when you decided
for the both of us
it was time to have a baby?
You perfectly timed my ovulation
and proceeded to blast
everything inside of you into me.
[Lulu chuckles]
Its all about Tonys perfect timing.
Its all about you, Tony.
-OK, all right. So, I have my flaws.
-[Lulu] Mm.
But what about you? Eh?
You are so... like...
So what? Mm. I'm so what?
-Cat got your tongue?
-So uptight!
Like I have to think of
every little detail of every conversation
that I want to have with you
before I have it.
And then when I finally do,
you put big holes in my little ideas
and bury me with it.
And you wonder why
I dont tell you anything anymore.
Good night, Tony.
[mid-tempo dramatic music playing]
Lulu, Lulu,
you better come and open this door.
I swear, I will break this door down.
I will break this door down!
I will tear this whole house down. Lulu!
If you treat me like a goddess
I'm gonna treat you like my hottest
Immediately, no holding back
I keep you right here in my pocket
Hypnotized, the place is knocking
You up on me got me got me
You up on me got me going
All this love, affection
Goes a thousand mile an hour
Got my arms around you
I can never let him go
All this love
Affection, affection, affection
All this love
Affection, affection, affection
If I treat you like a king
Would you come along with me
Immediately, no holding back
Body, lend me soul
Let's go rise out your swag
We catch your love
From first to father
Baby, keep this love...
You can come in now...
I am not playing any of your games.
I am going in now...
[knocks on door]
This isnt over yet...
Arent you going to say anything?
-What the hell?
-Shut your mouth!
All right, guys, this will be over
before you know it
so can we kindly all act as grown-ups?
Hm? Thank you. Gabby...
-Tell them why we are here.
Yeah. You see... when you people hired us,
eh... gave us all that money
and then you got gifts for us--
This is a robbery!
Sh! Could you be any louder?
Could you be any slower?
OK, this bullshit has gone too far now.
-Did I ask you to speak?
-And I didnt invite you into my house,
but you're here now, so let's talk,
shall we? What do you want?
Well, I want money.
-[clears throat]
Excuse me. We... we want money.
Don't forget whose idea this was
in the first place.
Your idea? [scoffs] Please,
nigga, I am the one
who brought us here in the first place.
I am the one who went upstairs
and got kissed--
-[Marian and Tony] What!
-[Tony] You kissed him?
[Lulu] No. He kissed me.
Wait, you kissed me.
You kissed her?
I thought you said she kissed you.
[stammers] What does it matter?
It matters, damn it! Who kissed who?
Look, girl, if its money you want,
I dont have any.
I dont keep money at home.
OK, what about jewelry?
Diamonds and the bits.
You actually think I have diamonds?
Well, he told me he bought you diamonds.
I did.
Oh, you did?
Yes, you returned it to the jewelers.
Apparently, the stone was too small
or something.
Is that what your little girlfriend
told you?
Shes not my girlfriend.
Well, the jury is still out on that one.
But I know what I saw,
and it didnt look like it was nothing.
[scoffs] You saw us?
-Yes, I did.
About two days
before the diamond ring arrived,
I saw you guys having dinner
at Labadi Beach Hotel.
Now that stupid ring
was... was a way to compensate
for whatever you did that night with her.
I am not some stupid girl
that gets appeased with diamonds.
-[Tony] Oh, really?
-[Lulu] Yes.
I had dinner with Thelma that night
because she had waited all day
to pick up your ring
from the manufacturers.
She had to be with her family,
but I kept her there
so I could pick it up.
And so when it came at 9:30,
the least I could do
was to buy dinner for her
as a way of saying thank you
for your ring.
[Marian sighs]
[Gabby giggles]
[grunts] So, where is the diamond ring?
God, Gabby. Gabby, did you not hear them?
He said he's returned it!
Yeah, so lets go and pick it up.
[patronizingly] Oh, of course we can go
and pick it up, Gabby.
You know what? I have an idea.
Why dont we call Thelma
and ask her to come to the shop
and open it for us, hm?
OK, uh... so theres no diamond.
What about gold? Guys, I am not picky.
Help me out here. Anything?
Oh! Tony, darling,
why dont you give them your gold watch
and put us out of this misery?
Where is the watch your wife bought you?
I am beginning to lose my patience.
I gave it away.
You gave the watch away?
I gave it to Cecil.
Oh! You gave it to your brother?
Wow, now I feel so much better.
Oh, dont play that guilt card
with me, Lulu.
You always knew I didnt like yellow gold.
I said this much when we had dinner
with Fred and Bertha
on their wedding anniversary.
Five weeks later,
you buy me a yellow gold watch
as a birthday gift?
My God, it was a $5,000 TAG Heuer watch.
It was yellow gold.
You never listen...
just this... little voices in your head.
Wait-- Wait a minute...
-OK, so whats funny?
[Lulu] I wasnt even there.
That night at dinner, I had a phone call,
and I excused myself for a while.
I was gone for a very long time.
When I came back,
I asked you guys what I had missed,
and Fred said you were talking
about some precious minerals.
You made a joke, and we laughed.
You punish me for trying?
I wasnt even there,
and guess who doesnt remember?
Because all you think about is the fact
that Lulu is insensitive,
Lulu doesnt care...
You never really gave me a chance, Tony.
Dont cry.
He doesnt deserve you.
What was that?
I said he doesnt deserve her.
Shut up, Gabby.
Its not like shes perfect.
Yeah. What kind of man gives away
a $5,000 watch
just because
he doesnt like the color yellow?
And what kind of woman gives back a...
A 10,000...
10,000 diamond ring
just because she thinks
her husband is cheating on her?
Who does that?
If you had asked me,
I think they deserve each other.
OK, we are going to search ourselves. Hm?
So you take his room, Tony,
and Ill take Lulus.
Why do I get Tonys room?
Because you are a man,
and you know where men hide stuff.
You know where to look.
I dont want any cuff links or any ties.
I really want good valuable stuff, OK?
Go on.
Lulu, my mobile phone is in my pocket.
Just come closer so you can try
and reach it in my back pocket.
Uh. I dont know, Tony...
Are you saying we should
stay here till they come back?
I dont think they will harm us.
And when they come back with nothing?
Theyll find something...
My wedding ring.
I didnt know you still had that.
Look, Lulu...
I am sorry...
for the wristwatch, for...
for everything.
I know we are better people than this.
And I-- And I think so
because we agreed to get married.
I just-- I just think that we--
[distant gunshot]
[Marian] What was that?
[Gabby screams]
-[groaning] I think I shot my ass.
[lighthearted music playing]
Oh my God!
-Is it really bad?
-This is not good.
I can feel my legs giving way.
I am going to be a cripple.
-Oh, sorry, sorry... what happened?
I sat on the gun. [groans]
-Where is the gun?
-[Gabby grunts]
[Marian] OK, I'm gonna go get it.
What? And abandon me?
Here? Really?
OK, you know what? Just let me do this.
-[groans in pain]
-Just hold it there.
-You need to get to the hospital
as soon as possible.
Does anyone know
how to take a bullet out of an ass?
I need to get to a hospital right now.
No, Gabby. This gun is not registered.
They're going to call the police.
[whimpers] I am going to die.
Stop crying! I am trying to think!
I have a doctor friend
who can take care of this.
On one condition...
You untie us, you leave this place
and never come back.
Done... Done. Deal. Untie them!
No! What if they attack us
or call the police?
We want this ordeal
to be over as much he does.
As long as you stay away,
we have a deal.
I swear on every advice
that my mother gave me on women,
I will shoot you where you stand
if you dont untie them right now!
God, Gabby.
You are such an ass. You are such an ass!
I dont have an ass. I need a hospital!
What did you tell my wife?
My ex-wife...
you said something to her on the day
I found you in bed with him.
You spoke to her on your way out.
What did you tell her?
What do you mean nothing?
Exactly that. Nothing.
-Why? What did she say I told her?
I just didnt say anything.
-Oh, how conveniently, Lulu.
-[melancholic music playing]
And yet you acted like I committed
the most hideous of crimes?
-Well, I thought you--
-[shouts] You thought what?
I will not talk to you like this.
Oh, you will talk to me right now.
You dont get to pull an act like that,
shed some fake tears
in front of your mother,
act hurt,
and then just not want to talk about it.
Well, I thought you instigated it.
You thought I instiga... Oh... [chuckles]
You thought I got Marian
to sleep with your boyfriend?
Hes not my boyfriend.
No. What can I say? You two kissed.
He kissed me!
And Im sure there was
a lot of encouragement with that.
No! You do not get to slap me.
Look, those two would have
found themselves as they should have.
But for you to accuse me
of instigating so... I cant--
You brought her into our house, Tony.
And it got your attention, didnt it?
So that's it?
All you wanted was my attention?
Yes, damn it.
I wanted your attention. I wanted it.
We have been married for two years,
but you treat me like I am a stranger
in my own house.
Oh, please, dont you dare accuse me
of raising barriers.
You wouldn't even look at me
when I came down to say hi to Fred.
Yeah, well, you were on your way out
to go be eaten by some maniac--
I am not going to let you go.
You are not going to try and slap me
-and then think its... that it's fine.
I can feel my heart is slowing down
I don't know what to do now
Don't know how I live without you now
Like a child lost in the crowd
Every day
It gets harder and harder to breathe
Suffocating since the day you left me
It's like a bullet went through my
heart When I let you go
And every second that's passing by
So is love
What are we going to do?
I dont know.
When you walked away
We cant... continue like this.
I know.
The sky is falling down
I don't know what to do now
Do you still love me?
Because I still do.
Every day, it gets harder
And harder to breathe
Suffocating since the day you left me
It's like a bullet
Went through my heart when I let you go
And every second that's passing by
So is love
It's like a bullet went through my
heart When you walked away
And I regret
That choice I made every day
Every day
And I regret that choice I made
Like I'm trapped underwater
And I'm gasping for air
Feels like I'm walking in circles
Not going nowhere
Though I've made a mistake
I can't take this heartache
[Lulu] Im thinking white everywhere.
Are you sure about this?
OK, maybe grey.
Grey around it wont be too bad.
Im talking about Tony.
Is this what you really want?
He says he still loves you.
Mum, it wont change anything.
He said he loved me before we got married.
He loved me whilst we were married,
and he still loves me
even after the divorce.
What difference would that make?
It doesnt change who we are,
what we want,
and how we got here in the first place.
You havent learned anything.
I have. Oh, I have. I've learned that Tony
is a selfish, egotistic, competitive man
who would never change.
I'm sure he has a tall list for me too.
And yet he still says he loves you.
Do you know how difficult
that must be for him?
Mum, why are you telling me all this now?
Because nobody is perfect.
That's the lesson I hoped
you would have learned.
[scoffs] I have been married
to your father for 33 years and some.
And the only thing that stops me
ramming his teeth down his throat
every time he snores loudly beside me...
is-- is that lesson.
None of us is perfect.
And that's what makes the ride fun.
Do you still love him?
That makes it easier then.
Nobody is born wise.
Figure something out... please.
Where is he now?
He's at the house.
The agent said he hasnt moved out yet.
Maybe we should put the decorating
on hold for a few more days
whilst you get creative.
[sighs] Let me get you something to drink.
Um... More reds than whites.
You need to be a bit more frisky.
You are too uptight, Lulu.
[mid-tempo song playing]
Makes me want to love you
Honey, I could only find disposable--
[Tony] Clarissa, you were saying...
Hi, Tony.
I found her here.
Its OK.
[Tony sighs]
You want something?
Well, I... [clear throat] I came by
to get something from my room...
I used my key.
I didnt realize you still had stuff here.
Well, no... Yeah...
a few bits here and there.
You know what? I'll just go get it.
I might be here for a while,
until my place is ready.
I hope you dont mind.
No. Um...
Until we find someone to...
rent this place, of course.
OK, I'll just, um...
If I saw you in my dream tonight
I would probably run away
'Cause you have done
This one thing many times
Oh, I'm tired, oh, I'm worn
You are getting way too good at this
You twist my words or complicate them
She used to live here.
We lived here together.
I thought that was when
you were still married.
No, even after marriage.
She wouldnt move, I wouldnt move.
She won't leave; I wont leave...
It was just what it was.
I see. You two are definitely
a strange pair. [chuckles]
So they keep telling me.
So what now?
I'm not sure I follow.
Is it really over between you two?
Are you...
Are you trying to open a night club?
Whats with all the red stuff?
[scoffs] So apparently, I am too uptight,
so here is my lousy attempt to be frisky.
-[chuckles] OK. Got it.
Where are the beds?
Please don't by a red bed.
Mm... I dont know.
I cant promise you that.
-No red bed.
So... what did she look like?
Oh... yeah...
hm... the usual Tony type.
Tall, slim, you know,
pageant-looking almost.
I see. I am still confused
as to why he married you.
Well, hopefully this divorce
is gonna help the confusion.
What? You think I am going to break
into some uncontrollable tears right now?
Well, that would be normal.
No, it wouldn't.
What is wrong with you people?
Im abnormal. I'm uptight. What else?
Be careful what you wish for.
What? You are going to turn
into Kim Kardashian now?
Well, I just might.
I've got the backside for it.
-All I need is my Russell Crowe.
Sweetie, its Kanye West.
Shut up, no.
I thought it was Russell...
Oh, well, I prefer Russell.
And I prefer Justin Bieber,
but here we are.
I did not know you like small boys,
you cougar.
And I didnt know you were
into old and flabby men.
First of all,
Russell is not old,
and he's definitely not flabby.
And Justin is not little.
See my point? Potato, potahto.
-[both laugh]
-Just on and off.
I've been sleeping in my bed
Reminiscing and thinking
About the things you said
When you left me all alone
When are you coming home
Girl, I miss you
It's hurting me too bad
[mid-tempo song playing]
'Cause you are my baby
Oh, baby, oh
So... this is it?
Ill actually miss you guys together.
Yeah, I'm serious.
You guys actually looked...
cute together.
[Tony chuckles]
Well too bad the cuteness
couldnt sustain the ugliness.
Come on, man.
You are not the worst couple
in the world, trust me.
Says the happily married man.
I had an affair.
Yeah. Surprise, surprise.
Wait, what?
Why? How?
Last Christmas...
we met at the mall.
She had too much to carry,
and I offered to help her to her car.
We exchanged numbers and...
started spending time together.
She didnt have a boyfriend?
-three kids.
She was the most exciting woman
I had ever met.
Son of a...
So, what? She was bored? You were unhappy?
I didnt even know I was unhappy
until she came along.
Suddenly, I didnt look forward
to coming home anymore.
And Bertha didnt even know
how gone I was.
The thing is...
we had gotten used to each other,
so used to each other.
We... We didnt argue, we didnt fight,
we just... got along...
Yeah, and it made me angry. Really angry.
[scoffs] Wait...
You were angry
because you weren't fighting?
I was angry because there was no reaction.
I just wanted some form of reaction,
some attention,
her attention, any attention.
And... I came home one day
and blurted it out.
I was having an affair.
She cried... too much.
I knew I had hurt her.
I ended it...
six months after it started.
The affair was done,
but I got my reaction.
But you know what? Till today,
that's the only source of our argument,
and I am grateful for it.
Yeah. Listen,
I am not proud of what I did,
but it woke my marriage up.
It was dying, man.
One day, I would have just upped and left.
So why didnt you tell me
about the affair?
I didnt want to give you
the wrong reason to leave.
And now you think
I have the right reasons?
You guys argued to the very end though,
and I think you gave it your best shot.
I sure did,
and up to the point
that I told her that I still loved her.
-You what?
-[sentimental music playing]
Yeah, I told you that--
No, wait.
You told her you still loved her?
And what did she say?
Dont answer. She still moved out.
[clears throat]
So... this is me.
So... you're sure I cant come in?
Well, I have an early morning tomorrow.
Maybe next time.
[gasps, coughs]
Did... did you just puke in my mouth?
I think so... [coughs]
I'm sorry. I have to go.
What is it with these old women?
-You've met my daughter before.
-Oh yes. Lulu, right?
-Yes, maam.
I was at your wedding.
Yes, you were!
-[both laugh]
How is your handsome husband?
He is great. Everyone is fine.
Any children yet?
No, not yet. But sometime soon.
-You know how these modern couples are.
Anyway, its been good seeing you again.
-I should be leaving now. Thank you.
Mum, say something.
Im sorry.
I had no idea you were seeing anybody.
I mean,
you only moved out a couple of weeks ago.
Its Tonys.
We... we slept together...
-twice... after the divorce.
-[melancholic music playing]
[clears throat]
I-- I dont know what to say.
Perhaps you should say
I messed up this time.
Its your child too, Lulu.
And it's not such a bad thing.
Tony has already moved on,
and I'm going to become his baby mama?
I dont think so. I'm getting rid of it.
Are you crazy?
And at your age?
I dont care how you want to spin this.
You are not getting rid of anything!
Plus, he has a right to know.
He is the father after all.
Please! On which planet
does Tony deserve to know anything?
Hes already dating.
If I remember rightly, you moved out.
So what? I'm easily replaceable?
We dont always get what we want,
and right now, I really dont think
you know what that is.
Well, I know
I dont want a child right now.
Why did you really come here, Lu?
It seems youve already made up your mind.
I could do with your support.
What kind of mother would that make me?
Look, I have to go.
My appointment is in an hour.
Lu... please. Dont do this.
[sighs] I love you.
[Mrs. Wilson] I am not happy about this.
Well, like you said,
we dont always get what we want.
[sentimental music playing]
I only seem to fall asleep
With you, with you on my mind
Your face, your gaze,
Was one of a kind
Your lips from afar
Were driving me insane
I wondered if I'll ever see you again
[door opens]
I wondered if I'll ever see you again
I wondered if I'll ever see you again
I missed you, you know
I, uh...
came to make sure
that everything is in its place
before the new tenants move in.
Yeah, me too.
Ill just go check the kitchen.
Well, there is something
I have to tell you.
I'm pregnant.
What did you expect me to say?
I dont know. But I wasnt expecting
an OK considering you put it there.
Its mine?
[scoffs] I dont believe this.
Imagine my surprise.
So what does this mean?
I dont know. I wanted to get rid of it.
And why would you even think that?
Why not?
Wait, are you upset?
Shouldnt I be?
-Dont touch me.
I'm going to be saddled with a kid
whilst you go out there
and have all the fun.
What fun?
You move a woman in. No wait, you move
a girl in... the moment I moved out.
What kind of a man are you?
One that feels rejected.
Wait, look. You dont want me, Lulu.
I do.
Thats what I came back to...
Well, I came back to...
Tell you...
You came back to tell me what?
[sighs] Stop it.
-You came back to tell me what?
You are going to make me say it,
arent you?
You bet.
[romantic music playing]
Well... [clears throat]
I came back to tell you that, um...
I love you.
At the end of the day
I want to hold you close to me
And if you'll still be there
Believe me, I don't need the sunlight
To light up my soul
Will you be there to hold me
At the end of the day
-[indistinct chatter, laughing]
- If they would play the closing dance
Then let it be me
Whose arms will lead you tight
All through the night
And at the end of the day
Let me know that this dance
We'll dance together
And at the end of the day
Let me feel that this love
Will last forever
Stay, when the moon leaves the sky
For a while
When the roses prepare to unfold
Singing you and me come, let's grow old
Before Venus returns to disappear
When this morning turns spring
For all year
That the end of the day
Take my shoulder to lean on in sorrow
As a shelter for every tomorrow
- That we way stay both together
-[lips smacking]
Lights. You didnt change the lights.
Oh, shut up.
And I'll give you up all of my heart
My love
So do we know what we're having?
No. But I hope its a boy.
I think girls are adorable.
I was actually aiming for a girl.
You didnt aim... Wait.
What did you just say?
That I wanted a girl?
No, you said you "aimed" for a girl.
[lighthearted music playing]
Youve always known my cycle
better than I... do.
Did you get me pregnant on purpose?
Are you really being serious right now?
Youve done it before.
-So what?
-I wont put it past you.
You know what your problem is?
I'm sure you're about to tell me that
right now.
You think the worst of everybody.
No, no. Not everybody...
but people with an agenda
and are self-serving.
["Dance Like We're Making Love" playing]
You already know, can't you see
Back it up, back it up, back it up
Hey baby, love sugar-dumpling
I really wanna tell you something
Sorry I don't want to disturb you
Do you mind if I slow dance with you
Then you push me up in the corner
And you tell me that you're gonna
Give a suprise and make my nature rise
When you do it like this
When you do it like that
When you move from left to right
When you moving it fast
When you moving it slow
You know I lose my mind
When you kiss my neck, girl
I know it's on tonight
Just keep up with the flow
Now baby here we go
Can we dance like we're making love
Can we dance like we're making love
I don't care if they stare at us
They can see this is more than love
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Hey, show me what you got now
All eyes on you, you're Tupac now
You're the bomb
How you roll, how you run
And I like what you've done
Baby, you ain't got to stop now
Hey da da, hey da da
If I catch you from there
I'm like hey da da
We could groove on the floor
How we do in these sheets
Is nobody's biz
What I do with the beat, I'm on fire
We can dance so like we're matin'
Spread down, what you do is amazing
I haven't seen stuff
That I think was matin'
Man, I was made up, no days off
And I'm just trying
To rule the world like Adolf
How you move bum bum to the dum dum
Keep it up and I might get a condom
Can we dance like we're making love
Can we dance like we're making love
I don't care if they stare at us
They can see this is more than love
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Oh, oh, oh, back it up for me
Back it up for me
Turn around, back it up for me
When you do it like this
When you do it like that, girl
Back it up, back it up for me
Back it up for me
Can we dance like we're making love
Can we dance like we're making love
I don't care if they stare at us
They can see this is more than love
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh
Let's do it oh oh oh oh oh