Precious Cargo (2016) Movie Script
1
[golf ball dings on metal]
Shit. Sorry, girl.
Final hole.
He birdies here,
he walks away
with the Green Jacket.
- [horn honking]
- Fuck!
Wonderful.
You're late.
[speaking Spanish]
- The weapons?
- It's on the boat. The cash?
- Feels a little light.
- That's 45,000 now.
The rest you'll get wired
into an account of your choosing
- once we get the weapons.
- No, no, no!
This is bullshit!
This is not what we agreed on!
Hey, Pablo, Paco, Pepe,
whatever the fuck your name is.
Leave the weapons on the boat.
[sighs]
Okay. Fine.
You want to play games?
I'll play games.
But I'll have you know,
I hate games.
In fact, I quit grade school because
of motherfucking recess!
We agreed on a set price.
I get the weapons, I drop them off here.
You pay me 150,000 cash
for my troubles.
- 150,000 cash.
- 45,000 cash.
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize this is Let's Make a Deal.
Okay, Monty.
Forty-give grand
for $45,000 worth of weapons.
Hey, hey, come on. Come on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Wait!
- [gunshot]
Ryan, get the bags,
get the weapons.
[groans, sighs]
Not cool, hombre.
[gasps]
I can do this
all day, amigo.
Fuck!
- Oh, shit.
- Blanks.
Logan. Logan. Logan.
- Logan!
- [speaking Spanish]
Logan. Logan!
Logan!
[man shouts in Spanish]
[gunshot]
[groans, sighs]
Well, this is a sad commentary
on today's society.
[Logan over earpiece]
Don't take it too personal, Jack.
Don't kid yourself, partner.
It's always personal.
PS, where the fuck
were you on those last two?
Marksmanship 101, boss.
Gun-target line was shit.
I'm firing .308 win mags.
Oh, by the way,
you got some brain in your hair.
- Jesus Christ!
- At this range, a .308 woulda ripped right through
your recently deceased business partners
and left you with a sucking chest wound.
Well, good to know. All right,
let's get the hell out of here.
On my way, boss man.
[Jack] What happened
with Gabriel's rounds?
I couldn't get
to his spare mags.
- He would have noticed!
- That could have been bad.
- Could have.
- You guys are fucking idiots, by the way.
How many more times you think you're
going to get away with this blanks shit?
Is that concern
I hear in your voice?
Yeah, concern
for my future employment.
My skill set doesn't exactly
translate to working at Starbucks.
Let's get out of here.
I'll see you
in a couple of weeks.
If you're lucky.
Come on, let's see what you got.
Come on. There you go.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't push me too hard.
[rock music plays]
[Jack] Can you grab me a towel?
What the fuck is this?
- What the fuck is what?
- This!
- Where'd you find that?
- Jenna would be pissed.
- Jenna and me have only...
- Jenna and I. I'm just saying.
Jenna and I have only
been dating for a few weeks.
- I'm throwing this out.
- Fine. I don't care. Throw it out.
Wow. I'm impressed.
When's the last time
you heard from her, anyway?
I don't know.
Six months.
You're a real nutless wonder,
you know that, Jack?
Honestly. What the hell
did you ever see in her?
- [man speaking Spanish]
- [man 2] Everybody down!
- [man 3] Get that. Let's go!
- [man speaking Spanish]
[phone rings]
- Hello, Edward.
- So glad you picked up.
I'm kind of in the middle
of something right now,
so I'll probably
just call you back.
I know where you are
and I know what you are doing.
Or did you forget who planned
this little trip
in the first place?
You called this job off, Eddie.
So you can't blame me
for going ahead with this.
But I do blame you. You're
doing a job that I planned.
A job that I set up.
There are finder's fees associated with it.
Your job you called off and I
decided to move forward with?
Without me.
Without my permission, Karen.
What do you want, Eddie?
- My full share.
- Which is?
- One hundred percent.
- What happened to 60?
Well, the additional 40 is for the
indignity that I have suffered.
- No fucking way.
- [siren wailing]
Yes fucking way, Karen.
You called the cops?
What can I say?
My feelings were hurt.
- You'll get nothing.
- A price I would gladly pay
to teach you
a long overdue lesson.
- [shouting]
- [gunshots]
Now, Glenn,
why is it that these ties look
like they were dipped in shit?
- Shit, Mr. Filosa?
- Shit. Yes.
Sir, you asked
for Scarlet Forest,
and I assure you these ties
are all Scarlet Forest.
- You're assuring me that?
- Yes, sir.
I'm assuring you that they look
like they were dipped in shit.
See this?
See this color? When that dries, that's
the color I want on these ties.
- Yes, sir.
- Off you go.
If Karen makes it out alive, she'll have
no choice but to take her original flight.
I need to know
exactly what she knows.
Yes, sir.
It's only a matter
of days now.
This job,
my job is right out there.
We can't let Karen fuck it up.
- Absolutely fucking not.
- Why not?
Why? 'Cause the fact that you borrow my dog in
order to trick your veterinarian girlfriend
to thinking you're
an animal lover is pathetic.
I am an animal lover,
I'm just not an animal owner.
- Do you even like this woman?
- Yes, I like this woman. I like her a lot.
Then why do you continue
to lie to her?
I lie to her
because I like her!
Ha. Well,
spoken like a true man.
Stop it.
I want her home by morning.
[dog whimpers]
[phone rings]
Reception. Yeah, he's right here.
All right, I'll let him know.
She's ready for you. Dr. Connor's
in the back with a sea lion, okay?
- Let's go. Come on.
- Oh. And daisies are her favorites.
- You know, for next time. [chuckles]
- Now you tell me.
- [woman] Good job.
- [dolphin chitters]
[woman] Come on.
She's doing much
better today, Kerry.
[Jack] I have another patient
for you, doc.
Hi, Grace! Hi!
- I think she remembers you.
- [laughs] I think so.
- Are those for me?
- Yes.
- I love roses.
- Yeah.
- How was the conference?
- I knocked them dead.
Of course.
I knew you would.
- How about dinner tonight?
- Hmm... two conditions.
- Name them.
- You cook.
- Done.
- And Grace is there.
[Jack] Of course.
Grace will always be there.
- Hi, baby. Hi!
- Who's that, Grace?
[footsteps approaching]
One of my men just called.
They spotted her arriving at the airport.
- They're following her now.
- She can't do it alone.
- Find them.
- Yes, sir.
[insects chirping]
[soft rock plays]
Every time I see your face
[water boiling]
[panting]
[soft moaning]
[door opening]
[dog whimpering, barking]
Grace! Grace, shut up!
[Jenna] Mm, Jack...
[dog whimpering]
- Jesus! Fuck!
- [Jenna screams]
Hi.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
Good to see you too, Jack.
Are you pregnant?
I'm going to go eat your leftovers
'cause they look delicious.
And I'll let you two
finish up here.
[sighs] Use a condom.
That's all I'm going to say.
Jack, who is that woman?
[line ringing]
[phone rings]
- Yeah.
- [man] I found them, sir.
- Good.
- They'll be dead by morning.
- Finish it.
- Yes, sir.
- How many months?
- Got any pickles?
- Karen...
- It's yours.
I know. I was in denial too
for a little while.
It's the first
of five stages of grief.
- Then there is...
- Where the fuck have you been?!
Then there's anger.
- I'm going to go.
- Oh! Jenna... Jenna.
Jenna, please, I'm so sorry
about this, you know... I...
- [dog barking]
- Grace! Please!
- Do you want to call me later?
- Yes, of course.
Gimme a second.
Grace. Grace, knock it off!
I'm sorry. Just give me
one second, I'll walk you...
Grace! Come on, girl. Shut up!
[dog barking]
Oh, shit!
Jenna, I need you
to listen to me.
Something very dangerous
is about to happen.
You can not ask any questions.
Do you understand me?
- What?
- That was a question!
[dog barking]
Guns? You have guns?
Jack, is that a grenade?
What? Jack!
- You and me are going to talk.
- Now?
- Get to the boat.
- Let's go.
[banging]
- Move! Move! Move!
- [Jenna screams]
Let's go! Come on,
Jenna, get in the boat!
Come on, girl! Let's go!
[dog barking]
- Karen, get down!
- The dock!
Move, move, move!
Get on the boat!
- [Karen] Jack!
- Give me a minute, Karen.
- Yeah, but I...
- Did you see the finger?!
- Yes, Jack, I see the finger!
- Well, the finger means
- I need one minute to think!
- Here they come!
- [phone dialing]
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling the police!
- Give me that!
There's no calling the police!
Ah!
- Where are we going, Jack?
- Somewhere safe, Jenna.
- Okay, Karen, go.
- Someone thinks I stole from him.
- Did you? Karen!
- What?!
- Did you steal from someone?
- No!
Jesus Christ! Do you ever
think anything through?!
Oh, don't talk to me about thinking things
through! You over analyze everything!
I like to plan! I like to plan so I don't
get into shit like this!
Please just pay attention to
the people trying to kill us!
Faster! Faster! Let's go!
- I ran a job for Eddie Filosa.
- Oh, mistake number one.
- You know him?
- I know of him.
Well, the job went south
and we lost the score.
Well, that happens.
Yeah, well, tell that to Eddie.
He wants me to make good for it!
- All of it?
- All of it!
- How big?
- Huge!
- That's not very rational.
- Eddie's not exactly rational, Jack.
[dog barking]
- Is she okay?
- She's fine.
- What is Logan's dog even doing here?
- Grace is Logan's dog?
- She didn't know?
- I was going to tell you.
- [Karen laughs]
- You were going to tell me what part, Jack?
That Grace isn't yours,
that you got an ex-girlfriend pregnant,
or that you're some type
of uber-criminal?!
She's got a point, Jack.
Come on, faster! Go!
Can you take out that Jet Ski?
I'm out! Of course
I can take out the Jet Ski!
There's something wrong
with your gun!
There's nothing wrong
with my gun, Karen.
Oh, really?
Then why don't we let "this
year's model" give it a try?
- Just leave her alone.
- Why? I know she likes to just lay on her back,
but maybe she wants
to participate more.
What the hell did you ever see
in this woman, Jack?
I gave him a reason
to fuck with the lights on!
- Jack!
- What?
[Karen] There are
no more Jet Skis.
The bad news, no more guns.
- What do we got left?
- A shotgun.
We're never going to hit them
from this distance.
- I'm going to flatspin the boat.
- Really?
[laughs] Just like Brazil.
Ah!
[laughs]
Karen! Take the wheel!
- Get her out of here!
- Go!
Jack, what are you doing? Jack!
[grunting]
- [grunting]
- Fucking bitch!
[groaning]
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, God!
[laughs]
Mm!
Fuck!
[Jack] Grace, get over here,
girl. Come on!
- [Karen groans]
- Are you all right?
- Jenna, can I talk to you for a minute, please?
- Yeah.
I need you to get a hotel
for the next few days.
Call in sick to work.
Don't tell them where you are.
I don't want to get a hotel.
I want to go home.
I understand you're
a bit overwhelmed right now,
but I've been through these
things in the past, a few times.
You're just going
to have to trust me.
- Are you coming with me?
- Not right now, but I'll come back to check on you.
Are you going somewhere
with her?
Yeah. Unfortunately.
I need to figure out what's
going on. I need some answers.
I'm not going to get those
with you around.
- Are you going to waterboard her?
- No.
I'm not going
to waterboard her, I just...
I just don't want you to get more
involved than you already are.
I think you should
waterboard her.
Okay. I'm sorry...
about all this.
- Me too.
- Logan'll be by in the morning to pick up Grace.
Okay.
The saddest part, Grace,
I've had worse dates.
- [music plays]
- [laughter, indistinct chatter]
Anyone seen the boss? Hey!
Anyone seen the boss?
Like really... [laughs]
What the fuck? You bitches.
What the fuck?
What's your problem, psycho?
You. Dick breath.
Hey! You can't talk
to us like that.
Yes, I can.
What's the matter with you?
What the fuck are you doing, girls?
Let me ask you a question.
How do you invest your money?
- What?
- Invest.
Eddie pays you, right?
What do you do with your money?
- I buy shit.
- You buy shit like what?
- Shoes.
- Shoes. And?
- Nice shoes.
- Great. What else?
- These boobs.
- They're nice boobs, by the way.
What's your point, tough guy?
We don't have all day.
My point is you got about
two, maybe three more years
of whoring yourself out before
a whole new batch of younger
and prettier whores comes rolling
in through that front door.
And all you're going
to have to show for it
is a closet full of old shoes,
and a banged up pussy.
Now, if I had a vagina,
and I had your ass,
and your fucking tits,
I'd be a fucking millionaire.
Instead, the good Lord blessed me with
a big dick and moral flexibility.
So... I'm going
to ask you one more time,
or I swear to God I'm going
to bitch-slap you so hard,
your brand-new tits are going
to pop out of your ass. Understood?
- Where's Eddie?
- The cabana.
You girls have a good day.
We've known each other
a long time.
You've never been one for foreplay, so why
don't you just spare me the bullshit.
Tell me what you need.
- There's a job.
- [sighs] I knew it.
- Just hear me out, Jack.
- If I remember correctly,
the last time I helped you out, Karen,
I almost ended up on the wrong side of the grass.
If I remember correctly,
you weren't exactly putting up a fight.
Forget it, Karen.
I'm in trouble, Jack.
Real trouble.
- I wouldn't be here unless I needed...
- Someone.
...you.
Unless I needed you.
I lost my entire crew, Jack.
I barely got out alive.
And I lost the score. Eddie's going
to kill me unless I pay him back.
This job? It's big money,
small risk.
If we pull it off, it's enough
money to pay back Eddie and...
...and then some.
What's the job?
I like chess. It's a perfect
metaphor for life.
Every piece is bound
to its nature, just like people.
- What do you think, Simon?
- I don't play.
You really should.
What about you, Bob?
- I'm more of a poker guy.
- Yeah, I like poker.
Also a great game. All about trying to make
the most of what you got...
Yeah, sure, Mr. F. Listen, could
you tell me what I'm doing here?
Bear with me.
This will just take a second.
I want you to put your hand on this Bible.
I have something to ask you
and I want you to be
perfectly honest with me.
- Don't know why...
- Indulge me.
I appreciate poker.
It's a game of hope. A game of dreams.
A game of lies.
But chess, it's a game of order.
This pawn can
only move one way.
Move forward,
can only take diagonally.
And if it works really hard,
it can become something better,
something more.
Like you. You're a pawn, Rob.
And what pawns do not do
is tell secrets to the enemy queen
- in hopes that she'll fuck him.
- Mr. F, I never said a word!
What are you doing?!
No! No! God! Fuck! God!
[Eddie] So many nerves
in the hand.
God! Fuck! God! I said nothing!
We're not playing poker now,
Robert. We're playing chess.
I am the king,
Simon is my knight.
Leave it.
You are a pawn,
and if you aren't careful,
you are going to be sacrificed.
Do you understand that?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Now, Robert,
what exactly did you tell Karen regarding
my latest business ventures?
- I told her about the Eastern Federal job.
- Yes.
- I told her about the Cayman Islands job.
- Yes.
I told her about
the armored car.
- The armored car.
- Yeah. Yes, sir.
- That means...
- That means she knows everything.
What are we going
to do with Robert?
You're going to kill me.
Eventually, yeah.
Eventually.
- Armored car?
- Yeah. More or less.
- It's a stupid sport.
- It was a nice shot.
- Don't be a dick.
- Here.
[exhales] So what do you think?
I think you've definitely secured yourself
a spot on The Jerry Springer Show.
- I mean about the job.
- I know what you mean, Jack.
Nothing,
and I mean nothing good,
can come from working
with her, man.
- What about the baby?
- Are you sure it's even yours?
She's been gone, man, shacking
up with only God knows what.
- Hey, hey.
- Sorry.
[sighs] I just keep
hoping she's changed.
And after the last job that she had that
went bad and now the baby, I just...
Maybe she'll finally want something
different, something... something else.
- Just say it.
- Me.
Yeah. Maybe she'll
finally want me.
Grace! Come here, girl.
[makes kissing sound]
Come on. Come here.
[kissing sound]
Be a poodle, Grace. Come on, be a
little dumb-ass yippie poodle.
- Come on.
- What're you doing?
- Proving a point.
- Yeah?
- Which is?
- That I have a better chance
of Grace turning
into some dumb-ass poodle
than you do of getting this
cold-hearted, manipulative bitch
to settle down
and live a normal life.
Oh, you think this kid
is going to change who she is?
You think this kid is going
to make her love you?
Wake the fuck up, my friend.
She's always going to be Karen.
Now she's just Karen with a kid.
Yeah.
You know why
I keep that picture?
There was a time when we used to
talk about moving to St. John,
or some other tropical island,
opening up a dive shop,
living the rest
of our lives in paradise.
Some real
Hemingway-type shit.
And that picture
was a reminder of why I do...
why we keep doing
what we're doing.
You're just taking these risks,
and making easy money the hard way, but...
[sighs] I can't keep
doing this shit forever.
So if there's even the
slightest chance that I can make
that stupid fucking pipe dream
a reality, I'm going for it.
You don't owe me anything,
Logan.
Don't say that.
Don't you fucking say that.
We're friends, right?
Practically fucking family?
- Yeah.
- Then it's not about owing me.
It was never about that.
It's what friends do, it's what family does.
We... we back
each other's plays,
even when we absolutely know
they're fucked from the get go.
- Right?
- Yeah, I guess so.
Mm... No. No "I guess so."
That's the way it is.
- So?
- So?
Let's do this.
Why are you so grumpy?
- [Logan] Is that the truck?
- [Jack] That's the truck. 30 million in gems.
That's the route.
- Two days?
- Two days.
- We're going to need a second gunman.
- Definitely.
- We're going to need a driver.
- I know where to find one.
- A damn good driver.
- I know where to find one.
[rock music plays]
[bell dings]
Drew.
Andrew.
Andrew Herzberg!
Jack? Jack! Really?
I can't believe what I'm seeing!
- It's been a long time, brother.
- [Logan] This guy?
This guy flew in the 160th?
Right up until breaking
his commander's jaw.
Sh... Night stalkers don't...
[vomits, gags]
That was completely necessary.
I feel a hundred percent.
[sighs]
- What brings you to Thailand?
- We're in Mississippi.
Really?
No fucking way.
Can we get
a napkin or something?
- Right there.
- [woman] Herzberg!
There you are.
You piece of shit!
- You pissed the bed again!
- What?
Yeah. You pissed the bed!
Honey, I know I'm really big,
but, you know, it still hurts.
Smell it. Smell it!
Smell your filthy piss!
- All right. Well, it is me. Definitely.
- Oh, yeah.
Mm! It smells like whiskey,
and failure,
and sadness, and everything
else bad in the world!
- This guy's a mess.
- He's doing much better than the last time I saw him.
Don't ask.
So, what are you thinking, Drew?
I think this baby is capable
of what you're asking for.
I'll just need to make a few modifications,
but you know me, man.
- I can drive, fly, or fuck...
- You think, or you know?
- Excuse me?
- Yeah, there's a big difference.
You may think you're
one hell of a driver,
but I know you're
a drunk asshole.
How could she possibly
already know
- that I'm an asshole?
- What's the problem?
Our plan lies strictly on whether
or not this drunk asshole can drive.
- That doesn't concern you?
- Again with the unsubstantiated asshole claim.
No. It doesn't concern me.
- Because I've seen him drive.
- And I've seen him drunk.
I never drive drunk.
Buzzed, maybe.
Hung-over, absolutely.
But drunk, never.
Oh, that's a relief, coming from the
guy whose breath still smells like puke.
I'll be in the car.
- She's nice.
- This is a good day.
[door opens]
[rattling]
[sighs]
You've any idea how sexy you are
when you do your tough guy routine?
- Everything set?
- Yes, Jack. Everything's set.
I love how you worry
about every single detail
right up
until the last minute.
- Karen...
- Mm-hm?
Stop.
I can't.
- Because of Ms. Milquetoast?
- She's not milquetoast.
Come on, Jack. That girl
is Madame Vanilla. Boring.
It's not about Madame Vanilla.
It's not about Jenna,
it's about...
- It's about us, it's you.
- Mm-hm.
And what I want, what you want and
how that is... completely different.
I don't think that what we
want is that much different.
You don't have
a second gunman.
You know that
I'm more than capable.
Absolutely not.
- It's my job.
- No.
I should be on that truck.
If you're on this job,
I walk, I'm gone.
Then who?
Andrew has a guy.
- Oh, and you trust him?
- Yeah. I trust Andrew.
Fine!
Thirty million
in gems on this truck?
That's right,
30 million in gems.
- We'll get 20 on the market.
- Maybe more.
Let's just count on 20.
You owe Eddie eight.
That leaves roughly 12
for the five of us.
That's correct.
And then what?
Well, then a house
in St. John.
Who is it?
Our second gunman?
Nicholas Sepher. Andrew knows
him from his time in the Army.
Don't you fucking do it, woman.
Don't you do it!
Maybe you should have not
texted your ex-wife.
Her mother died!
Do not fucking do it!
- You can die in hell.
- Oh, hell would be fucking paradise
compared to being
married to you!
Andrew told me
about the job.
We're not done with our talk.
I'm in, man.
Yeah, you're in, all right,
for a whole new world of hurt.
- You haven't heard the details.
- I don't need to. I don't care,
as long as it involves Herzberg,
it's going to get me
the fuck outta
this house for a while.
And what the hell's
so wrong with our house?
- This thing fairly dangerous?
- Sure.
- It's Jack, right?
- Yeah.
Well, Jack, I miss my life.
I miss getting fucked by a real
man. We all make sacrifices.
I will choke a bitch.
Can you shut the fuck up?!
I hope you get shot.
Look in my eyes, Jack.
Do I look happy to you?
- I hope you get dick shot.
- It's this. Every day.
The worst kind of shot.
- You married, Jack? You got kids?
- Ish.
- Yeah. Well, it sucks, man.
- Nicholas.
Because everybody's
happy except me. Me?
- Nicholas!
- Oh, man, I'm just looking for a reason
to put a gun back in my hand,
and a bullet in someone else's brain
before I put one in my own.
So tell me,
are the guys we're going up
against, are they bad?
- Faceless corporation.
- That's even better.
- Nicholas!
- What?!
- I'm going to give you crabs.
- That's it. Pack your shit.
Take those fucking rat dogs
and get out of my house!
One of those dogs
is yours, cocksucker.
Do I look like I wanted
a fucking Labradoodle?!
She's our baby. I'm going
to piss on your laptop.
She will. Excuse me.
He'll do.
[rock music plays]
[Jack] Guard in the front.
Guard in the back.
Anyone who tries
to drive this thing
other than the driver
assigned for that day,
biometric system automatically
kills the engine.
Can't be restarted. Okay?
We got 20 minutes or less.
State-of-the-art vault. Once it's locked,
only gets open from the inside.
It takes us about an hour,
an hour to cut through.
- How am I doing so far, Karen?
- Mm...
Let's run through this. Nick.
I stop the truck.
- I take out the guard.
- The glass is bulletproof.
Well, it's a good thing
I ain't using bullets.
- What're you using?
- Spark plugs.
These babies will break bulletproof
glass like my wife breaks my balls.
- Logan.
- Provide overwatch.
- Andrew.
- So at 0900 I pick you up,
I drive the tow truck.
- You forgot the armored car.
- Right. I'll get it next time.
- Asshole.
- And Karen.
Oh, I stay here.
Because I'm fat and pregnant.
- You know, I was...
- She's fat and pregnant.
Just the way I like them.
I still don't know how you plan on
breaking into the truck's vault.
Because it's a surprise.
- Oh.
- [Andrew] I love surprises.
[Jack] Mm-hm. We all like
surprises, right, guys?
- Logan?
- Yeah. Look, I don't like you, I don't fucking trust you.
You be where you're supposed to be tomorrow.
Car fueled up, ready to go.
- I'll be there.
- That's good to hear. Because if you're not,
I'll find you, wait for
that fucking kid to be born,
and give you a Colombian necktie as
a belated baby shower present.
Graphic, but it gets your point across.
Are we done?
No, we're not fucking done.
He's got a great thing
going with Jenna.
He doesn't need you
fucking it up.
You don't think
that he should be
with someone like that
any more than he does.
Let me rephrase.
You fuck this up,
you fuck over Jack,
and I'll kill you.
Now you're just being redundant.
[beat-boxing softly]
Get on there, my little friend.
Yeah. Like old times.
Look alive, people. Showtime.
- You ready, Nick?
- Let's rock and roll.
What's going on?
[grunting] Fuck!
[truck beeping]
Hey, buddy!
You might want to duck!
[coughing]
- I'm going to the next location.
- Copy that.
Jack, we got a problem.
- How soon?
- Check your six, boss.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. Let's go.
Come back. Back. Hold! Right there.
Get ready.
All right, Drew.
We gotta bounce.
[Andrew] Let's go!
Let's go.
Jack, you got three vehicles
headed your way.
- And seven...
- [gunshot]
Six bad guys.
- We got three on us.
- Welcome to the suck.
Left! Go left!
- We got one on the right.
- I got him.
[grunts]
Shit! Why do the bad guys always
have automatic weapons?
I don't know,
but I'm getting hard!
- You got him?
- One down. Two to go.
There you go, Jackie boy!
Shit!
[Andrew]
You got him, Jackie boy!
Get me closer.
- Closer!
- Where are they? I can't see them.
All right. Drive.
Shit, I don't see them!
Go! Go!
On the left! On the left!
Whoa!
There. Right there!
Oh, God!
Ah! Fuck!
Oh, shit! Brake!
[brakes squeal]
- Oh! Yeah!
- Whoo!
That a boy!
[winch whirring]
Jackie boy!
We got about 15 minutes
- before this place is swarming with cops.
- I just need two.
You want me
to get you a thermal lance?
I don't need to get in.
I just need this guy
to want out.
[guard] Stop it!
Hands behind your back!
On your stomach! On your stomach!
- Hands behind your back! Down!
- [coughing]
[Andrew laughs]
Holy dingle berries!
- That's a lot of coin.
- Just like Karen said.
Yeah. Just like Karen said.
All right.
Let's get out of here.
- Come on, Jack. Let's rock and roll.
- Yeah.
[Logan]
Where you going, boss man?
I just want to check something
out. It's probably nothing.
Just keep going, I'll...
I'll catch up with you.
You were always a miracle worker
with your hands.
It would have taken me
at least five minutes. Hey!
Just stop right there.
- So, what happens now, Eddie?
- What happens now?
You're going to give me that little
black box, that's what happens now.
- Then what?
- And then what? Then you get to live.
[tires squealing]
- Eddie!
- What?
Let her go.
Put the gun down, hero.
Put the gun down and kick it
over here towards me.
- Don't do it, Jack.
- Nobody asked you your opinion, so shut the fuck up!
Don't worry, hero. With you, she might have
liked it all sweet and gentle,
but with me, she liked it
a little bit rougher.
Mm. Isn't that right,
sweetheart?
Kick it over here to me!
What did you promise him. Huh?
What did you promised him?
Money? Sex? What?
[chuckles] No.
[laughs] He doesn't know? No.
[laughs] You bitch.
Let me show you something.
Let me show you something.
- Eddie. Eddie...
- This? Is that what you're talking about?
Eddie, please, no.
Eddie. Eddie!
Say bye-bye to the baby.
Don't do it, Eddie.
No!
[Eddie] Oh, no! No baby!
Oh, no. No one's hurt.
[Eddie chuckles]
So you did make it out
of the Caymans with something.
Get over there.
Guess she needed you
to screw me out of this.
[Logan] Jack, I'm in position,
but I can't get a clean shot.
- Three...
- [Eddie] Shame really.
If things were different,
we could have made
a lot of dough, you and me.
- [Logan] Two...
- Well, it's a real shame, Jack.
[Logan] One. On your go.
Sometimes things
just don't work out.
Down now!
- Jack!
- Let's go!
Let's roll!
- Yeah, let's go!
- [Jack] Logan, let's go.
- Ah!
- Come on, Logan. Let's go.
[beeping]
She's lost a lot of blood.
You guys should take her to a real hospital.
We can't.
Jenna, I can't thank you enough.
Just be out
of here by Monday.
And Jack,
don't ever call me again.
I wouldn't want
to be Karen right about now.
Women.
[door opens]
[Jack] Was it worth it?
Hm?
I asked you a question.
Was it worth it?
- None of this was my plan, Jack.
- What was the plan, Karen?
- Was I supposed to get killed?
- No. You were supposed to get 30 million.
What about
the fake pregnancy?
- I had to make sure.
- For what? For what?!
For this? Hm? This?
This little thing?
What is this?
- A key.
- To what?
God help me, Karen!
You don't have the baby inside
to protect you.
A safe.
This is for another job?
[sighs]
And how much is in this safe?
Hm? It has to be
a lot more than 30 million.
We're talking 50? 75?
- Half a billion.
- Oh, fuck! Bullshit.
Red diamonds.
CIA Black Op.
Five million a carat,
100 carats, 500 million.
The plane with the safe
flies in tomorrow,
just long enough to refuel,
and then it's gone.
Oh, I see. I see.
And what were you going to do?
Just walk in there
and take them?
No one was supposed
to get hurt.
Logan did.
Yeah, I see,
not that you fucking care!
I just earmarked my entire team. We have a death
mark on us. Eddie's going to hunt us down.
- So thank you very much!
- I never meant for this to happen!
What about that sonogram
I found in your purse?
It was real.
But I lost the baby.
Was it mine?
Go get your diamonds.
Have a nice life.
With half a billion, you can afford
to stay the fuck out of mine.
Come on, Logan. I could really use that
"I told you so" look right about now.
- I think you should kiss her on the forehead.
- What?
I don't know. I mean, I feel like you
should kiss her or something, you know?
- Dude, have you...
- Make her feel like she's loved.
She's not into
that sappy shit.
Really? Jesus, she's sleeping.
I mean, what is she going to do?
She'll break your fucking face.
That's what she'll do.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Welcome back. How you feeling?
Like I went dancing
with a claymore.
Oh, baby! Oh, baby!
- What are you doing here, babe?
- I'm sorry. Is it...?
No, no, baby. It's just my leg.
Mm! It's just my leg.
Thank God!
I didn't mean what I said.
I know.
I know you love my dick.
- [woman] I'm sorry. It's...
- What did you bring me?
Oh. Jack, this was
on the front doorstep for you.
- What is it?
- Some kind of remote and a cell phone.
- [line ringing]
- [Eddie on phone] Jack.
My new best friend jerk off.
You left in such a hurry.
What can I do for you, Eddie?
Turns out Karen
isn't the cold-hearted bitch
we made her out to be.
She stopped by my hotel
with what you now hold in your
hands. Tried to make amends.
Tried to tell me
that it was all her fault,
to leave you and your merry band
of misfit hoods out of this.
- Here. Say hi, sweetheart.
- Just run, Jack.
That's right, Jack. Run.
Run as fast as you can.
I probably won't use my
considerable resources to find you
- and put you down.
- It's not the first time I've been threatened.
Nobody's threatening you yet.
I'm offering you a trade.
She can rot in hell,
for all I care.
[Eddie] That's probably
an undeniable fact.
But it's up to you whether
she starts her stint tomorrow,
or 50 years from now.
Come on, Jack.
I'm giving you a real
opportunity here. Impress me.
Can you guys give us a minute?
I can see why you like him.
He's not going
to do the job, Eddie.
We'll see.
Jesus.
That must have been hard.
I don't follow.
It must have been
hard for her. Fuck.
I hate to be the one
saying this. She fucked up.
Big time.
But she at least tried
to do the stand-up thing
and come clean to Eddie.
She tried to wipe
our slates clean.
That took guts.
She didn't have to do that.
No. She got herself into this mess.
She can get herself out.
- Be a douche-bag.
- What?
- Be a douche-bag.
- What?
No matter how hard you try to be a
douche-bag, Jack, you're not a douche-bag.
I knew that the moment
you saved my life.
You could have let me down.
You can't let Karen down,
baby or no baby.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Not this time. Okay? You're
going to sit this one out.
What's the job?
Half a bil, in diamonds.
Why can't it ever just
be a local jewelry store?
[chuckles]
That's Morgan Airfield,
the proverbial stomping ground
for all things clandestine
and black ops.
Our plane lands in 17 hours.
Touches down for a refuel only,
giving us a window
of 15 whole minutes.
And all we gotta do
in that time is walk in,
board the plane,
crack the safe,
download the score,
and get the flock out of there.
You say it like that,
it almost sounds doable.
Say we even get onto
this airfield here,
do we know how many guards we're going
to be dealing with on the ground?
No. We'll have to figure
that out in real time.
I mean, but are we talking like 50 guards,
or are we talking like 100 guards?
First things first. We gotta get onto
that airfield without getting shot.
I'm working. Okay?
How are we going to do that?
- Manila?
- Manila?
- Didn't work out too good for you there.
- Maybe second time's the charm.
Who the hell is Manila?
- She's adorable.
- Yeah.
[Nicholas] All right, Drew. Keep
them busy while I get to work.
[ice cream truck music plays]
- Check out this clown.
- Want some ice cream?
What the fuck?
[Apsara] The gate's clear, Jack.
You're good to go.
[Jack] Apsara, remember,
just like Nick showed you.
Aim for the truck
and just pull the trigger.
[Andrew] Hold your fire.
Hold your fire!
[ice cream truck music plays]
Anyone want a lick?
Come get your ice cream! Come!
What are you wearing?
Fuckers better run.
- [men shouting]
- Move, move, move!
And on his farm
he had his crew
E-I-E-I-O
[beeping]
All right, come on, baby.
And on his farm
he had some ice cream
- [gun clicks]
- Shit!
- Jack! Jack!
- Say again?
[Apsara] You gotta go. Move!
I was wondering if you
were going to show up.
What's wrong? Eddie doesn't
think I can do the job?
Let's just say he wasn't sure Karen was
worth the half a billion.
- One man's trash and all.
- [laughs]
What's taking so long?
You think you can go faster,
be my guest.
[tires squeal]
- Got any ideas?
- Yeah.
One.
Ahh!
[beeping]
[propellers whirring]
[gunfire]
- You owe me a vacation!
- Fine.
Two vacations.
[gunfire]
[line ringing]
Jack. You are a disappointment to me.
Karen said you were the best.
"The Michelangelo of thieves,"
to be exact.
I may be getting
a little rusty.
It's all right.
Soon you'll be dead.
Right after I shoot
Karen in the face.
Well, that's graphic.
But you might want to just wait on that.
Could be worth
half a billion dollars.
In case you missed it,
I have the diamonds.
If the situation were reversed,
even I couldn't get
them back once they land.
That's because
you're not Michelangelo.
You see, Eddie,
the problem with those keygens,
as remarkable as they are,
they take forever.
Way more than the 15 minutes
I had for refueling,
but you know
what goes real fast?
Semtex.
[beeping]
[alarm beeping]
Okay, cowboy.
You have my attention.
- Bring the diamonds to...
- Negative. I'll call you with a location.
You seem to forget
that I have the girl.
[chuckles] And you seem to
forget she can be a real bitch.
It might not be worth a half
a billion dollars to me.
Okay, Jack.
Have it your way.
Your boy's got some sand.
- You're not dead yet?
- Only on the inside.
- I'm sorry, Jack.
- [Eddie] Cozy little reunion.
Open it up.
Yeah, I can't. Keygen's gone.
I lost it in the fall,
but a man with your resources,
I'm sure you can figure a way into it
in the privacy of your
own home, or lair,
or whatever assholes
like you have.
Oh, Jack. There's still the
little matter of me killing you.
- [tires squealing]
- We had a deal.
I don't make deals with people that steal
from me. It's not good for business.
- My sniper.
- Your sniper's fucked.
Can't hear anything. I'm jamming
all signals transmitting out of here.
And I hope you don't think for one second I'm
going to step out from under this thing.
- Nope.
- [alarm chirps]
Get down!
[man] Get him out of here! Go!
Come on!
They're headed for the roof.
- [people screaming]
- Karen, move!
911, how can I direct your call?
[woman] We just heard a bomb,
really big, and I think...
Oh, my God! There's a whole bunch
of men with guns in my hotel.
Okay, ma'am. We have vehicles
responding right now. Just sit tight.
[phone chimes]
911, how can I
direct your call?
Yeah, we have vehicles
responding to you right now.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Go! Go! Go!
- Get to the roof.
- You sure don't need me, Jack?
- I'm sure I don't need you.
- You need me, Jack.
Ah! Shit!
Out of ammo, Jack? Huh?
[sighs]
Getting nervous?
[shouting]
[grunting]
Fuck you!
- Get over there, Jack! Fucker!
- Ah!
[shouting]
I had him!
Give me the gun.
Son of a...
[Lucas groaning, coughing]
- Thanks for the help.
- You owe me three vacations, Jack.
Looks like you're starting now.
Move! Let's go, man! Come on!
[Eddie] Stop!
Stop! All of this,
just to get shot up here on this roof.
That's your plan?
Ish.
- Bang!
- Eat a dick, asshole.
[grunts]
[gunshots]
[gunshot]
Come on!
This will take you to Miami
and then... wherever you need to go.
You always take care
of everything, Jack.
Your cut.
Seems a little light.
You can take it up
with Logan if you'd like.
No, I'll manage.
- Goodbye, Karen.
- Jack...
- Admit it.
- Admit what?
You missed me. You missed this.
This is the most alive you've felt in a long time.
- Admit it.
- [chuckles] Admit what?
You turned yourself in so we would have
to steal the diamonds and kill Eddie.
Like I said, you always take
care of everything, Jack.
Goodbye, Karen.
[car door slams]
Bye, Jack.
[beeping]
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[sighs]
What are you looking at?
I can't believe you just handed her
five million dollars.
- She earned it.
- Like hell she did.
Consider it a severance package
for you shooting her.
- That was an accident.
- "Marksmanship 101, boss. Gun target line was shit."
You know what they
say about hookers.
No, Jack. I don't know what they
say about hookers. Enlighten me.
You don't pay them for sex.
You pay them to leave.
Justify it however you need to in
order to sleep at night, boss.
- Call me a softy.
- I'll call you an idiot.
Logan, I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
Really? I see it
more as an ending.
- [scoffs]
- [fake laughs]
[clears throat]
- How's Logan?
- She's good. Thanks.
- And whose puppy is this?
- It's mine.
Uh, yeah, I... have proof.
I figured you'd ask.
His name is Roy.
- Jack, I...
- Look, Jenna, I was hoping for a second chance.
- I know I don't deserve one...
- Deserve? You want to talk about deserve?
Jack, I know I don't look like Karen,
but that doesn't mean I deserve
to be treated
the way you treated me.
You lied to me for weeks.
You almost got me killed.
- I...
- Just let me finish.
Okay, I liked you, a lot.
You were sweet, caring,
gentle, funny, smart.
And then you were still
all of those things,
but also this
incredible bad-ass.
Which was actually really sexy.
But if you want to ask me out again,
you're going to have to do more
than just buy a puppy
and show up with flowers.
Jenna, I... I don't...
Okay, how about this
for starters.
You come to my office
in a few weeks,
with your new puppy,
and if bad men haven't shown up
with guns to kill the poor
little innocent puppy by then,
then maybe we have a chance at having a
dinner date without bullets and boat chases.
- Deal?
- Deal.
And then, after an indefinite
number of dinner dates,
assuming that no pregnant
ex-girlfriends show up,
and no one shoots at us,
and if I don't catch you
in any more lies,
you can somehow
manage all of that,
then maybe, just maybe,
I'll give you a reason
to fuck with the lights on.
Told you she'd like you. Yeah.
[Logan] Well, "How about
we go to dinner" is better than,
"Go fuck yourself, Jack,
I'm calling the cops."
[phone rings]
- Hello?
- I didn't know if you'd pick up.
I didn't know it was you.
[chuckles] I deserve that.
What do you want, Karen?
I bought that house on St. John.
It's beautiful.
It's on the water,
just like we talked about.
I'm even looking
into buying a dive shop.
I'm happy for you, I really am,
but I don't see...
Goddamn it! I'm no good
at apologizing, Jack.
I've never apologized
to anyone for anything.
Well, I mean,
I was supposed to, I just...
I just didn't. [sighs]
Jack, something changed me all
through all this, you know,
seeing the pain
that I caused you, I...
I want to be with you.
This house, the money,
without you it's...
...it's boring.
But you know what's not boring,
you know what's never boring, Jack? Us.
- You're lonely, Karen. Find...
- I love you.
Jack, I love you.
I think I've always loved you.
And I know you love me.
We could make this work.
We could be happy.
We can be happy.
Jack.
Jack?
Jack?
- Wrong number.
- [laughs] Damn straight.
[rock music plays]
Tried love,
but it never fit
Too well
It was nice for a minute
Then hell
Jack, seriously. Why aren't
you picking up your phone?
- Because we're pregnant!
- And we're rich!
[both] We're rich
and we're pregnant!
Jackie boy, what's goin' on?
Remember that, uh,
Colonel Carter
who hated me so much
he threw me out of the Army?
Well, I'm with
his two daughters!
[laughs]
Hey, Jack, I shaved the beard,
and you owe me two more
vacations. Two more.
Just want you to know
I'm fuckin' done with Roy.
He shits and pisses everywhere.
I can't, I can't deal with that.
I'm never watching the dog
again. Look at this shit. Look.
You wanna see? Look.
See that shit?
All he does is fuckin' shit.
- [dog barking]
- Roy, no! No!
Jack, he's tryin' to fuck Grace.
[sighs] I'm gonna kill this dog.
It's not love
raining down on you
[woman] B-marker.
[sighs]
How many months are...?
Got any pickles?
[laughs]
- You wanna shove it in your ass?
- [laughs]
Good. And?
[laughs]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
There's a fly going
between us like this.
- Jack, who is that woman?
- Have you ever seen The Ring?
[laughter]
- I want her home by morning.
- All right.
I think she's a little big
for a hand off.
[laughs]
Just one. One.
One big one for the clap.
Hard. Hard.
Oh, my God, she's...
- [man] Okay, wait. Let's turn it around here.
- Yeah. Okay.
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm
he had Max...
[laughs, babbles]
Okay, wait. That's okay.
[man] That's a shot. I'm sorry.
All right. Let's go again.
[man] So you talk about
your vagina again, please.
- Roll the vagina part now.
- [laughs]
- It's like Fawlty Towers with a maniac.
- Ready?
- He couldn't help himself.
- There you go.
- Hi, Danny! [laughs]
- [man] I've got a gun for you.
- [man] Ready, Mark?
- I'm ready.
- Hi, Dan!
- [man] Get ready, guys.
- [laughter]
- [indistinct chatter]
I'm at the reception desk,
South Tower. Please, hurry.
Can you get me my car? And I should
get a free upgrade. This is crazy.
This is the worst vacation ever.
I should totally get a refund.
Ooh. You got belly,
you got belly, you got... arr!
Ahh!
Use a condom.
It's all I'm gonna say.
[Jenna] Jack,
who the hell is that?
- Uh, Mom's friend. Jesus.
- [laughter]
[man] All right. Cut.
[man] All right, go, get 'em,
they're so slow!
[laughter]
[Jack] We're all gonna die,
guys.
- You better run. I'm just tellin' you right now.
- [Karen] We're all gonna die?
She's all I had
Ain't that some best friend
All with my chest
Ain't that a son of a bitch
[golf ball dings on metal]
Shit. Sorry, girl.
Final hole.
He birdies here,
he walks away
with the Green Jacket.
- [horn honking]
- Fuck!
Wonderful.
You're late.
[speaking Spanish]
- The weapons?
- It's on the boat. The cash?
- Feels a little light.
- That's 45,000 now.
The rest you'll get wired
into an account of your choosing
- once we get the weapons.
- No, no, no!
This is bullshit!
This is not what we agreed on!
Hey, Pablo, Paco, Pepe,
whatever the fuck your name is.
Leave the weapons on the boat.
[sighs]
Okay. Fine.
You want to play games?
I'll play games.
But I'll have you know,
I hate games.
In fact, I quit grade school because
of motherfucking recess!
We agreed on a set price.
I get the weapons, I drop them off here.
You pay me 150,000 cash
for my troubles.
- 150,000 cash.
- 45,000 cash.
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize this is Let's Make a Deal.
Okay, Monty.
Forty-give grand
for $45,000 worth of weapons.
Hey, hey, come on. Come on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Wait!
- [gunshot]
Ryan, get the bags,
get the weapons.
[groans, sighs]
Not cool, hombre.
[gasps]
I can do this
all day, amigo.
Fuck!
- Oh, shit.
- Blanks.
Logan. Logan. Logan.
- Logan!
- [speaking Spanish]
Logan. Logan!
Logan!
[man shouts in Spanish]
[gunshot]
[groans, sighs]
Well, this is a sad commentary
on today's society.
[Logan over earpiece]
Don't take it too personal, Jack.
Don't kid yourself, partner.
It's always personal.
PS, where the fuck
were you on those last two?
Marksmanship 101, boss.
Gun-target line was shit.
I'm firing .308 win mags.
Oh, by the way,
you got some brain in your hair.
- Jesus Christ!
- At this range, a .308 woulda ripped right through
your recently deceased business partners
and left you with a sucking chest wound.
Well, good to know. All right,
let's get the hell out of here.
On my way, boss man.
[Jack] What happened
with Gabriel's rounds?
I couldn't get
to his spare mags.
- He would have noticed!
- That could have been bad.
- Could have.
- You guys are fucking idiots, by the way.
How many more times you think you're
going to get away with this blanks shit?
Is that concern
I hear in your voice?
Yeah, concern
for my future employment.
My skill set doesn't exactly
translate to working at Starbucks.
Let's get out of here.
I'll see you
in a couple of weeks.
If you're lucky.
Come on, let's see what you got.
Come on. There you go.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't push me too hard.
[rock music plays]
[Jack] Can you grab me a towel?
What the fuck is this?
- What the fuck is what?
- This!
- Where'd you find that?
- Jenna would be pissed.
- Jenna and me have only...
- Jenna and I. I'm just saying.
Jenna and I have only
been dating for a few weeks.
- I'm throwing this out.
- Fine. I don't care. Throw it out.
Wow. I'm impressed.
When's the last time
you heard from her, anyway?
I don't know.
Six months.
You're a real nutless wonder,
you know that, Jack?
Honestly. What the hell
did you ever see in her?
- [man speaking Spanish]
- [man 2] Everybody down!
- [man 3] Get that. Let's go!
- [man speaking Spanish]
[phone rings]
- Hello, Edward.
- So glad you picked up.
I'm kind of in the middle
of something right now,
so I'll probably
just call you back.
I know where you are
and I know what you are doing.
Or did you forget who planned
this little trip
in the first place?
You called this job off, Eddie.
So you can't blame me
for going ahead with this.
But I do blame you. You're
doing a job that I planned.
A job that I set up.
There are finder's fees associated with it.
Your job you called off and I
decided to move forward with?
Without me.
Without my permission, Karen.
What do you want, Eddie?
- My full share.
- Which is?
- One hundred percent.
- What happened to 60?
Well, the additional 40 is for the
indignity that I have suffered.
- No fucking way.
- [siren wailing]
Yes fucking way, Karen.
You called the cops?
What can I say?
My feelings were hurt.
- You'll get nothing.
- A price I would gladly pay
to teach you
a long overdue lesson.
- [shouting]
- [gunshots]
Now, Glenn,
why is it that these ties look
like they were dipped in shit?
- Shit, Mr. Filosa?
- Shit. Yes.
Sir, you asked
for Scarlet Forest,
and I assure you these ties
are all Scarlet Forest.
- You're assuring me that?
- Yes, sir.
I'm assuring you that they look
like they were dipped in shit.
See this?
See this color? When that dries, that's
the color I want on these ties.
- Yes, sir.
- Off you go.
If Karen makes it out alive, she'll have
no choice but to take her original flight.
I need to know
exactly what she knows.
Yes, sir.
It's only a matter
of days now.
This job,
my job is right out there.
We can't let Karen fuck it up.
- Absolutely fucking not.
- Why not?
Why? 'Cause the fact that you borrow my dog in
order to trick your veterinarian girlfriend
to thinking you're
an animal lover is pathetic.
I am an animal lover,
I'm just not an animal owner.
- Do you even like this woman?
- Yes, I like this woman. I like her a lot.
Then why do you continue
to lie to her?
I lie to her
because I like her!
Ha. Well,
spoken like a true man.
Stop it.
I want her home by morning.
[dog whimpers]
[phone rings]
Reception. Yeah, he's right here.
All right, I'll let him know.
She's ready for you. Dr. Connor's
in the back with a sea lion, okay?
- Let's go. Come on.
- Oh. And daisies are her favorites.
- You know, for next time. [chuckles]
- Now you tell me.
- [woman] Good job.
- [dolphin chitters]
[woman] Come on.
She's doing much
better today, Kerry.
[Jack] I have another patient
for you, doc.
Hi, Grace! Hi!
- I think she remembers you.
- [laughs] I think so.
- Are those for me?
- Yes.
- I love roses.
- Yeah.
- How was the conference?
- I knocked them dead.
Of course.
I knew you would.
- How about dinner tonight?
- Hmm... two conditions.
- Name them.
- You cook.
- Done.
- And Grace is there.
[Jack] Of course.
Grace will always be there.
- Hi, baby. Hi!
- Who's that, Grace?
[footsteps approaching]
One of my men just called.
They spotted her arriving at the airport.
- They're following her now.
- She can't do it alone.
- Find them.
- Yes, sir.
[insects chirping]
[soft rock plays]
Every time I see your face
[water boiling]
[panting]
[soft moaning]
[door opening]
[dog whimpering, barking]
Grace! Grace, shut up!
[Jenna] Mm, Jack...
[dog whimpering]
- Jesus! Fuck!
- [Jenna screams]
Hi.
What the fuck
are you doing here?
Good to see you too, Jack.
Are you pregnant?
I'm going to go eat your leftovers
'cause they look delicious.
And I'll let you two
finish up here.
[sighs] Use a condom.
That's all I'm going to say.
Jack, who is that woman?
[line ringing]
[phone rings]
- Yeah.
- [man] I found them, sir.
- Good.
- They'll be dead by morning.
- Finish it.
- Yes, sir.
- How many months?
- Got any pickles?
- Karen...
- It's yours.
I know. I was in denial too
for a little while.
It's the first
of five stages of grief.
- Then there is...
- Where the fuck have you been?!
Then there's anger.
- I'm going to go.
- Oh! Jenna... Jenna.
Jenna, please, I'm so sorry
about this, you know... I...
- [dog barking]
- Grace! Please!
- Do you want to call me later?
- Yes, of course.
Gimme a second.
Grace. Grace, knock it off!
I'm sorry. Just give me
one second, I'll walk you...
Grace! Come on, girl. Shut up!
[dog barking]
Oh, shit!
Jenna, I need you
to listen to me.
Something very dangerous
is about to happen.
You can not ask any questions.
Do you understand me?
- What?
- That was a question!
[dog barking]
Guns? You have guns?
Jack, is that a grenade?
What? Jack!
- You and me are going to talk.
- Now?
- Get to the boat.
- Let's go.
[banging]
- Move! Move! Move!
- [Jenna screams]
Let's go! Come on,
Jenna, get in the boat!
Come on, girl! Let's go!
[dog barking]
- Karen, get down!
- The dock!
Move, move, move!
Get on the boat!
- [Karen] Jack!
- Give me a minute, Karen.
- Yeah, but I...
- Did you see the finger?!
- Yes, Jack, I see the finger!
- Well, the finger means
- I need one minute to think!
- Here they come!
- [phone dialing]
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling the police!
- Give me that!
There's no calling the police!
Ah!
- Where are we going, Jack?
- Somewhere safe, Jenna.
- Okay, Karen, go.
- Someone thinks I stole from him.
- Did you? Karen!
- What?!
- Did you steal from someone?
- No!
Jesus Christ! Do you ever
think anything through?!
Oh, don't talk to me about thinking things
through! You over analyze everything!
I like to plan! I like to plan so I don't
get into shit like this!
Please just pay attention to
the people trying to kill us!
Faster! Faster! Let's go!
- I ran a job for Eddie Filosa.
- Oh, mistake number one.
- You know him?
- I know of him.
Well, the job went south
and we lost the score.
Well, that happens.
Yeah, well, tell that to Eddie.
He wants me to make good for it!
- All of it?
- All of it!
- How big?
- Huge!
- That's not very rational.
- Eddie's not exactly rational, Jack.
[dog barking]
- Is she okay?
- She's fine.
- What is Logan's dog even doing here?
- Grace is Logan's dog?
- She didn't know?
- I was going to tell you.
- [Karen laughs]
- You were going to tell me what part, Jack?
That Grace isn't yours,
that you got an ex-girlfriend pregnant,
or that you're some type
of uber-criminal?!
She's got a point, Jack.
Come on, faster! Go!
Can you take out that Jet Ski?
I'm out! Of course
I can take out the Jet Ski!
There's something wrong
with your gun!
There's nothing wrong
with my gun, Karen.
Oh, really?
Then why don't we let "this
year's model" give it a try?
- Just leave her alone.
- Why? I know she likes to just lay on her back,
but maybe she wants
to participate more.
What the hell did you ever see
in this woman, Jack?
I gave him a reason
to fuck with the lights on!
- Jack!
- What?
[Karen] There are
no more Jet Skis.
The bad news, no more guns.
- What do we got left?
- A shotgun.
We're never going to hit them
from this distance.
- I'm going to flatspin the boat.
- Really?
[laughs] Just like Brazil.
Ah!
[laughs]
Karen! Take the wheel!
- Get her out of here!
- Go!
Jack, what are you doing? Jack!
[grunting]
- [grunting]
- Fucking bitch!
[groaning]
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, God!
[laughs]
Mm!
Fuck!
[Jack] Grace, get over here,
girl. Come on!
- [Karen groans]
- Are you all right?
- Jenna, can I talk to you for a minute, please?
- Yeah.
I need you to get a hotel
for the next few days.
Call in sick to work.
Don't tell them where you are.
I don't want to get a hotel.
I want to go home.
I understand you're
a bit overwhelmed right now,
but I've been through these
things in the past, a few times.
You're just going
to have to trust me.
- Are you coming with me?
- Not right now, but I'll come back to check on you.
Are you going somewhere
with her?
Yeah. Unfortunately.
I need to figure out what's
going on. I need some answers.
I'm not going to get those
with you around.
- Are you going to waterboard her?
- No.
I'm not going
to waterboard her, I just...
I just don't want you to get more
involved than you already are.
I think you should
waterboard her.
Okay. I'm sorry...
about all this.
- Me too.
- Logan'll be by in the morning to pick up Grace.
Okay.
The saddest part, Grace,
I've had worse dates.
- [music plays]
- [laughter, indistinct chatter]
Anyone seen the boss? Hey!
Anyone seen the boss?
Like really... [laughs]
What the fuck? You bitches.
What the fuck?
What's your problem, psycho?
You. Dick breath.
Hey! You can't talk
to us like that.
Yes, I can.
What's the matter with you?
What the fuck are you doing, girls?
Let me ask you a question.
How do you invest your money?
- What?
- Invest.
Eddie pays you, right?
What do you do with your money?
- I buy shit.
- You buy shit like what?
- Shoes.
- Shoes. And?
- Nice shoes.
- Great. What else?
- These boobs.
- They're nice boobs, by the way.
What's your point, tough guy?
We don't have all day.
My point is you got about
two, maybe three more years
of whoring yourself out before
a whole new batch of younger
and prettier whores comes rolling
in through that front door.
And all you're going
to have to show for it
is a closet full of old shoes,
and a banged up pussy.
Now, if I had a vagina,
and I had your ass,
and your fucking tits,
I'd be a fucking millionaire.
Instead, the good Lord blessed me with
a big dick and moral flexibility.
So... I'm going
to ask you one more time,
or I swear to God I'm going
to bitch-slap you so hard,
your brand-new tits are going
to pop out of your ass. Understood?
- Where's Eddie?
- The cabana.
You girls have a good day.
We've known each other
a long time.
You've never been one for foreplay, so why
don't you just spare me the bullshit.
Tell me what you need.
- There's a job.
- [sighs] I knew it.
- Just hear me out, Jack.
- If I remember correctly,
the last time I helped you out, Karen,
I almost ended up on the wrong side of the grass.
If I remember correctly,
you weren't exactly putting up a fight.
Forget it, Karen.
I'm in trouble, Jack.
Real trouble.
- I wouldn't be here unless I needed...
- Someone.
...you.
Unless I needed you.
I lost my entire crew, Jack.
I barely got out alive.
And I lost the score. Eddie's going
to kill me unless I pay him back.
This job? It's big money,
small risk.
If we pull it off, it's enough
money to pay back Eddie and...
...and then some.
What's the job?
I like chess. It's a perfect
metaphor for life.
Every piece is bound
to its nature, just like people.
- What do you think, Simon?
- I don't play.
You really should.
What about you, Bob?
- I'm more of a poker guy.
- Yeah, I like poker.
Also a great game. All about trying to make
the most of what you got...
Yeah, sure, Mr. F. Listen, could
you tell me what I'm doing here?
Bear with me.
This will just take a second.
I want you to put your hand on this Bible.
I have something to ask you
and I want you to be
perfectly honest with me.
- Don't know why...
- Indulge me.
I appreciate poker.
It's a game of hope. A game of dreams.
A game of lies.
But chess, it's a game of order.
This pawn can
only move one way.
Move forward,
can only take diagonally.
And if it works really hard,
it can become something better,
something more.
Like you. You're a pawn, Rob.
And what pawns do not do
is tell secrets to the enemy queen
- in hopes that she'll fuck him.
- Mr. F, I never said a word!
What are you doing?!
No! No! God! Fuck! God!
[Eddie] So many nerves
in the hand.
God! Fuck! God! I said nothing!
We're not playing poker now,
Robert. We're playing chess.
I am the king,
Simon is my knight.
Leave it.
You are a pawn,
and if you aren't careful,
you are going to be sacrificed.
Do you understand that?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Now, Robert,
what exactly did you tell Karen regarding
my latest business ventures?
- I told her about the Eastern Federal job.
- Yes.
- I told her about the Cayman Islands job.
- Yes.
I told her about
the armored car.
- The armored car.
- Yeah. Yes, sir.
- That means...
- That means she knows everything.
What are we going
to do with Robert?
You're going to kill me.
Eventually, yeah.
Eventually.
- Armored car?
- Yeah. More or less.
- It's a stupid sport.
- It was a nice shot.
- Don't be a dick.
- Here.
[exhales] So what do you think?
I think you've definitely secured yourself
a spot on The Jerry Springer Show.
- I mean about the job.
- I know what you mean, Jack.
Nothing,
and I mean nothing good,
can come from working
with her, man.
- What about the baby?
- Are you sure it's even yours?
She's been gone, man, shacking
up with only God knows what.
- Hey, hey.
- Sorry.
[sighs] I just keep
hoping she's changed.
And after the last job that she had that
went bad and now the baby, I just...
Maybe she'll finally want something
different, something... something else.
- Just say it.
- Me.
Yeah. Maybe she'll
finally want me.
Grace! Come here, girl.
[makes kissing sound]
Come on. Come here.
[kissing sound]
Be a poodle, Grace. Come on, be a
little dumb-ass yippie poodle.
- Come on.
- What're you doing?
- Proving a point.
- Yeah?
- Which is?
- That I have a better chance
of Grace turning
into some dumb-ass poodle
than you do of getting this
cold-hearted, manipulative bitch
to settle down
and live a normal life.
Oh, you think this kid
is going to change who she is?
You think this kid is going
to make her love you?
Wake the fuck up, my friend.
She's always going to be Karen.
Now she's just Karen with a kid.
Yeah.
You know why
I keep that picture?
There was a time when we used to
talk about moving to St. John,
or some other tropical island,
opening up a dive shop,
living the rest
of our lives in paradise.
Some real
Hemingway-type shit.
And that picture
was a reminder of why I do...
why we keep doing
what we're doing.
You're just taking these risks,
and making easy money the hard way, but...
[sighs] I can't keep
doing this shit forever.
So if there's even the
slightest chance that I can make
that stupid fucking pipe dream
a reality, I'm going for it.
You don't owe me anything,
Logan.
Don't say that.
Don't you fucking say that.
We're friends, right?
Practically fucking family?
- Yeah.
- Then it's not about owing me.
It was never about that.
It's what friends do, it's what family does.
We... we back
each other's plays,
even when we absolutely know
they're fucked from the get go.
- Right?
- Yeah, I guess so.
Mm... No. No "I guess so."
That's the way it is.
- So?
- So?
Let's do this.
Why are you so grumpy?
- [Logan] Is that the truck?
- [Jack] That's the truck. 30 million in gems.
That's the route.
- Two days?
- Two days.
- We're going to need a second gunman.
- Definitely.
- We're going to need a driver.
- I know where to find one.
- A damn good driver.
- I know where to find one.
[rock music plays]
[bell dings]
Drew.
Andrew.
Andrew Herzberg!
Jack? Jack! Really?
I can't believe what I'm seeing!
- It's been a long time, brother.
- [Logan] This guy?
This guy flew in the 160th?
Right up until breaking
his commander's jaw.
Sh... Night stalkers don't...
[vomits, gags]
That was completely necessary.
I feel a hundred percent.
[sighs]
- What brings you to Thailand?
- We're in Mississippi.
Really?
No fucking way.
Can we get
a napkin or something?
- Right there.
- [woman] Herzberg!
There you are.
You piece of shit!
- You pissed the bed again!
- What?
Yeah. You pissed the bed!
Honey, I know I'm really big,
but, you know, it still hurts.
Smell it. Smell it!
Smell your filthy piss!
- All right. Well, it is me. Definitely.
- Oh, yeah.
Mm! It smells like whiskey,
and failure,
and sadness, and everything
else bad in the world!
- This guy's a mess.
- He's doing much better than the last time I saw him.
Don't ask.
So, what are you thinking, Drew?
I think this baby is capable
of what you're asking for.
I'll just need to make a few modifications,
but you know me, man.
- I can drive, fly, or fuck...
- You think, or you know?
- Excuse me?
- Yeah, there's a big difference.
You may think you're
one hell of a driver,
but I know you're
a drunk asshole.
How could she possibly
already know
- that I'm an asshole?
- What's the problem?
Our plan lies strictly on whether
or not this drunk asshole can drive.
- That doesn't concern you?
- Again with the unsubstantiated asshole claim.
No. It doesn't concern me.
- Because I've seen him drive.
- And I've seen him drunk.
I never drive drunk.
Buzzed, maybe.
Hung-over, absolutely.
But drunk, never.
Oh, that's a relief, coming from the
guy whose breath still smells like puke.
I'll be in the car.
- She's nice.
- This is a good day.
[door opens]
[rattling]
[sighs]
You've any idea how sexy you are
when you do your tough guy routine?
- Everything set?
- Yes, Jack. Everything's set.
I love how you worry
about every single detail
right up
until the last minute.
- Karen...
- Mm-hm?
Stop.
I can't.
- Because of Ms. Milquetoast?
- She's not milquetoast.
Come on, Jack. That girl
is Madame Vanilla. Boring.
It's not about Madame Vanilla.
It's not about Jenna,
it's about...
- It's about us, it's you.
- Mm-hm.
And what I want, what you want and
how that is... completely different.
I don't think that what we
want is that much different.
You don't have
a second gunman.
You know that
I'm more than capable.
Absolutely not.
- It's my job.
- No.
I should be on that truck.
If you're on this job,
I walk, I'm gone.
Then who?
Andrew has a guy.
- Oh, and you trust him?
- Yeah. I trust Andrew.
Fine!
Thirty million
in gems on this truck?
That's right,
30 million in gems.
- We'll get 20 on the market.
- Maybe more.
Let's just count on 20.
You owe Eddie eight.
That leaves roughly 12
for the five of us.
That's correct.
And then what?
Well, then a house
in St. John.
Who is it?
Our second gunman?
Nicholas Sepher. Andrew knows
him from his time in the Army.
Don't you fucking do it, woman.
Don't you do it!
Maybe you should have not
texted your ex-wife.
Her mother died!
Do not fucking do it!
- You can die in hell.
- Oh, hell would be fucking paradise
compared to being
married to you!
Andrew told me
about the job.
We're not done with our talk.
I'm in, man.
Yeah, you're in, all right,
for a whole new world of hurt.
- You haven't heard the details.
- I don't need to. I don't care,
as long as it involves Herzberg,
it's going to get me
the fuck outta
this house for a while.
And what the hell's
so wrong with our house?
- This thing fairly dangerous?
- Sure.
- It's Jack, right?
- Yeah.
Well, Jack, I miss my life.
I miss getting fucked by a real
man. We all make sacrifices.
I will choke a bitch.
Can you shut the fuck up?!
I hope you get shot.
Look in my eyes, Jack.
Do I look happy to you?
- I hope you get dick shot.
- It's this. Every day.
The worst kind of shot.
- You married, Jack? You got kids?
- Ish.
- Yeah. Well, it sucks, man.
- Nicholas.
Because everybody's
happy except me. Me?
- Nicholas!
- Oh, man, I'm just looking for a reason
to put a gun back in my hand,
and a bullet in someone else's brain
before I put one in my own.
So tell me,
are the guys we're going up
against, are they bad?
- Faceless corporation.
- That's even better.
- Nicholas!
- What?!
- I'm going to give you crabs.
- That's it. Pack your shit.
Take those fucking rat dogs
and get out of my house!
One of those dogs
is yours, cocksucker.
Do I look like I wanted
a fucking Labradoodle?!
She's our baby. I'm going
to piss on your laptop.
She will. Excuse me.
He'll do.
[rock music plays]
[Jack] Guard in the front.
Guard in the back.
Anyone who tries
to drive this thing
other than the driver
assigned for that day,
biometric system automatically
kills the engine.
Can't be restarted. Okay?
We got 20 minutes or less.
State-of-the-art vault. Once it's locked,
only gets open from the inside.
It takes us about an hour,
an hour to cut through.
- How am I doing so far, Karen?
- Mm...
Let's run through this. Nick.
I stop the truck.
- I take out the guard.
- The glass is bulletproof.
Well, it's a good thing
I ain't using bullets.
- What're you using?
- Spark plugs.
These babies will break bulletproof
glass like my wife breaks my balls.
- Logan.
- Provide overwatch.
- Andrew.
- So at 0900 I pick you up,
I drive the tow truck.
- You forgot the armored car.
- Right. I'll get it next time.
- Asshole.
- And Karen.
Oh, I stay here.
Because I'm fat and pregnant.
- You know, I was...
- She's fat and pregnant.
Just the way I like them.
I still don't know how you plan on
breaking into the truck's vault.
Because it's a surprise.
- Oh.
- [Andrew] I love surprises.
[Jack] Mm-hm. We all like
surprises, right, guys?
- Logan?
- Yeah. Look, I don't like you, I don't fucking trust you.
You be where you're supposed to be tomorrow.
Car fueled up, ready to go.
- I'll be there.
- That's good to hear. Because if you're not,
I'll find you, wait for
that fucking kid to be born,
and give you a Colombian necktie as
a belated baby shower present.
Graphic, but it gets your point across.
Are we done?
No, we're not fucking done.
He's got a great thing
going with Jenna.
He doesn't need you
fucking it up.
You don't think
that he should be
with someone like that
any more than he does.
Let me rephrase.
You fuck this up,
you fuck over Jack,
and I'll kill you.
Now you're just being redundant.
[beat-boxing softly]
Get on there, my little friend.
Yeah. Like old times.
Look alive, people. Showtime.
- You ready, Nick?
- Let's rock and roll.
What's going on?
[grunting] Fuck!
[truck beeping]
Hey, buddy!
You might want to duck!
[coughing]
- I'm going to the next location.
- Copy that.
Jack, we got a problem.
- How soon?
- Check your six, boss.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. Let's go.
Come back. Back. Hold! Right there.
Get ready.
All right, Drew.
We gotta bounce.
[Andrew] Let's go!
Let's go.
Jack, you got three vehicles
headed your way.
- And seven...
- [gunshot]
Six bad guys.
- We got three on us.
- Welcome to the suck.
Left! Go left!
- We got one on the right.
- I got him.
[grunts]
Shit! Why do the bad guys always
have automatic weapons?
I don't know,
but I'm getting hard!
- You got him?
- One down. Two to go.
There you go, Jackie boy!
Shit!
[Andrew]
You got him, Jackie boy!
Get me closer.
- Closer!
- Where are they? I can't see them.
All right. Drive.
Shit, I don't see them!
Go! Go!
On the left! On the left!
Whoa!
There. Right there!
Oh, God!
Ah! Fuck!
Oh, shit! Brake!
[brakes squeal]
- Oh! Yeah!
- Whoo!
That a boy!
[winch whirring]
Jackie boy!
We got about 15 minutes
- before this place is swarming with cops.
- I just need two.
You want me
to get you a thermal lance?
I don't need to get in.
I just need this guy
to want out.
[guard] Stop it!
Hands behind your back!
On your stomach! On your stomach!
- Hands behind your back! Down!
- [coughing]
[Andrew laughs]
Holy dingle berries!
- That's a lot of coin.
- Just like Karen said.
Yeah. Just like Karen said.
All right.
Let's get out of here.
- Come on, Jack. Let's rock and roll.
- Yeah.
[Logan]
Where you going, boss man?
I just want to check something
out. It's probably nothing.
Just keep going, I'll...
I'll catch up with you.
You were always a miracle worker
with your hands.
It would have taken me
at least five minutes. Hey!
Just stop right there.
- So, what happens now, Eddie?
- What happens now?
You're going to give me that little
black box, that's what happens now.
- Then what?
- And then what? Then you get to live.
[tires squealing]
- Eddie!
- What?
Let her go.
Put the gun down, hero.
Put the gun down and kick it
over here towards me.
- Don't do it, Jack.
- Nobody asked you your opinion, so shut the fuck up!
Don't worry, hero. With you, she might have
liked it all sweet and gentle,
but with me, she liked it
a little bit rougher.
Mm. Isn't that right,
sweetheart?
Kick it over here to me!
What did you promise him. Huh?
What did you promised him?
Money? Sex? What?
[chuckles] No.
[laughs] He doesn't know? No.
[laughs] You bitch.
Let me show you something.
Let me show you something.
- Eddie. Eddie...
- This? Is that what you're talking about?
Eddie, please, no.
Eddie. Eddie!
Say bye-bye to the baby.
Don't do it, Eddie.
No!
[Eddie] Oh, no! No baby!
Oh, no. No one's hurt.
[Eddie chuckles]
So you did make it out
of the Caymans with something.
Get over there.
Guess she needed you
to screw me out of this.
[Logan] Jack, I'm in position,
but I can't get a clean shot.
- Three...
- [Eddie] Shame really.
If things were different,
we could have made
a lot of dough, you and me.
- [Logan] Two...
- Well, it's a real shame, Jack.
[Logan] One. On your go.
Sometimes things
just don't work out.
Down now!
- Jack!
- Let's go!
Let's roll!
- Yeah, let's go!
- [Jack] Logan, let's go.
- Ah!
- Come on, Logan. Let's go.
[beeping]
She's lost a lot of blood.
You guys should take her to a real hospital.
We can't.
Jenna, I can't thank you enough.
Just be out
of here by Monday.
And Jack,
don't ever call me again.
I wouldn't want
to be Karen right about now.
Women.
[door opens]
[Jack] Was it worth it?
Hm?
I asked you a question.
Was it worth it?
- None of this was my plan, Jack.
- What was the plan, Karen?
- Was I supposed to get killed?
- No. You were supposed to get 30 million.
What about
the fake pregnancy?
- I had to make sure.
- For what? For what?!
For this? Hm? This?
This little thing?
What is this?
- A key.
- To what?
God help me, Karen!
You don't have the baby inside
to protect you.
A safe.
This is for another job?
[sighs]
And how much is in this safe?
Hm? It has to be
a lot more than 30 million.
We're talking 50? 75?
- Half a billion.
- Oh, fuck! Bullshit.
Red diamonds.
CIA Black Op.
Five million a carat,
100 carats, 500 million.
The plane with the safe
flies in tomorrow,
just long enough to refuel,
and then it's gone.
Oh, I see. I see.
And what were you going to do?
Just walk in there
and take them?
No one was supposed
to get hurt.
Logan did.
Yeah, I see,
not that you fucking care!
I just earmarked my entire team. We have a death
mark on us. Eddie's going to hunt us down.
- So thank you very much!
- I never meant for this to happen!
What about that sonogram
I found in your purse?
It was real.
But I lost the baby.
Was it mine?
Go get your diamonds.
Have a nice life.
With half a billion, you can afford
to stay the fuck out of mine.
Come on, Logan. I could really use that
"I told you so" look right about now.
- I think you should kiss her on the forehead.
- What?
I don't know. I mean, I feel like you
should kiss her or something, you know?
- Dude, have you...
- Make her feel like she's loved.
She's not into
that sappy shit.
Really? Jesus, she's sleeping.
I mean, what is she going to do?
She'll break your fucking face.
That's what she'll do.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Welcome back. How you feeling?
Like I went dancing
with a claymore.
Oh, baby! Oh, baby!
- What are you doing here, babe?
- I'm sorry. Is it...?
No, no, baby. It's just my leg.
Mm! It's just my leg.
Thank God!
I didn't mean what I said.
I know.
I know you love my dick.
- [woman] I'm sorry. It's...
- What did you bring me?
Oh. Jack, this was
on the front doorstep for you.
- What is it?
- Some kind of remote and a cell phone.
- [line ringing]
- [Eddie on phone] Jack.
My new best friend jerk off.
You left in such a hurry.
What can I do for you, Eddie?
Turns out Karen
isn't the cold-hearted bitch
we made her out to be.
She stopped by my hotel
with what you now hold in your
hands. Tried to make amends.
Tried to tell me
that it was all her fault,
to leave you and your merry band
of misfit hoods out of this.
- Here. Say hi, sweetheart.
- Just run, Jack.
That's right, Jack. Run.
Run as fast as you can.
I probably won't use my
considerable resources to find you
- and put you down.
- It's not the first time I've been threatened.
Nobody's threatening you yet.
I'm offering you a trade.
She can rot in hell,
for all I care.
[Eddie] That's probably
an undeniable fact.
But it's up to you whether
she starts her stint tomorrow,
or 50 years from now.
Come on, Jack.
I'm giving you a real
opportunity here. Impress me.
Can you guys give us a minute?
I can see why you like him.
He's not going
to do the job, Eddie.
We'll see.
Jesus.
That must have been hard.
I don't follow.
It must have been
hard for her. Fuck.
I hate to be the one
saying this. She fucked up.
Big time.
But she at least tried
to do the stand-up thing
and come clean to Eddie.
She tried to wipe
our slates clean.
That took guts.
She didn't have to do that.
No. She got herself into this mess.
She can get herself out.
- Be a douche-bag.
- What?
- Be a douche-bag.
- What?
No matter how hard you try to be a
douche-bag, Jack, you're not a douche-bag.
I knew that the moment
you saved my life.
You could have let me down.
You can't let Karen down,
baby or no baby.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Not this time. Okay? You're
going to sit this one out.
What's the job?
Half a bil, in diamonds.
Why can't it ever just
be a local jewelry store?
[chuckles]
That's Morgan Airfield,
the proverbial stomping ground
for all things clandestine
and black ops.
Our plane lands in 17 hours.
Touches down for a refuel only,
giving us a window
of 15 whole minutes.
And all we gotta do
in that time is walk in,
board the plane,
crack the safe,
download the score,
and get the flock out of there.
You say it like that,
it almost sounds doable.
Say we even get onto
this airfield here,
do we know how many guards we're going
to be dealing with on the ground?
No. We'll have to figure
that out in real time.
I mean, but are we talking like 50 guards,
or are we talking like 100 guards?
First things first. We gotta get onto
that airfield without getting shot.
I'm working. Okay?
How are we going to do that?
- Manila?
- Manila?
- Didn't work out too good for you there.
- Maybe second time's the charm.
Who the hell is Manila?
- She's adorable.
- Yeah.
[Nicholas] All right, Drew. Keep
them busy while I get to work.
[ice cream truck music plays]
- Check out this clown.
- Want some ice cream?
What the fuck?
[Apsara] The gate's clear, Jack.
You're good to go.
[Jack] Apsara, remember,
just like Nick showed you.
Aim for the truck
and just pull the trigger.
[Andrew] Hold your fire.
Hold your fire!
[ice cream truck music plays]
Anyone want a lick?
Come get your ice cream! Come!
What are you wearing?
Fuckers better run.
- [men shouting]
- Move, move, move!
And on his farm
he had his crew
E-I-E-I-O
[beeping]
All right, come on, baby.
And on his farm
he had some ice cream
- [gun clicks]
- Shit!
- Jack! Jack!
- Say again?
[Apsara] You gotta go. Move!
I was wondering if you
were going to show up.
What's wrong? Eddie doesn't
think I can do the job?
Let's just say he wasn't sure Karen was
worth the half a billion.
- One man's trash and all.
- [laughs]
What's taking so long?
You think you can go faster,
be my guest.
[tires squeal]
- Got any ideas?
- Yeah.
One.
Ahh!
[beeping]
[propellers whirring]
[gunfire]
- You owe me a vacation!
- Fine.
Two vacations.
[gunfire]
[line ringing]
Jack. You are a disappointment to me.
Karen said you were the best.
"The Michelangelo of thieves,"
to be exact.
I may be getting
a little rusty.
It's all right.
Soon you'll be dead.
Right after I shoot
Karen in the face.
Well, that's graphic.
But you might want to just wait on that.
Could be worth
half a billion dollars.
In case you missed it,
I have the diamonds.
If the situation were reversed,
even I couldn't get
them back once they land.
That's because
you're not Michelangelo.
You see, Eddie,
the problem with those keygens,
as remarkable as they are,
they take forever.
Way more than the 15 minutes
I had for refueling,
but you know
what goes real fast?
Semtex.
[beeping]
[alarm beeping]
Okay, cowboy.
You have my attention.
- Bring the diamonds to...
- Negative. I'll call you with a location.
You seem to forget
that I have the girl.
[chuckles] And you seem to
forget she can be a real bitch.
It might not be worth a half
a billion dollars to me.
Okay, Jack.
Have it your way.
Your boy's got some sand.
- You're not dead yet?
- Only on the inside.
- I'm sorry, Jack.
- [Eddie] Cozy little reunion.
Open it up.
Yeah, I can't. Keygen's gone.
I lost it in the fall,
but a man with your resources,
I'm sure you can figure a way into it
in the privacy of your
own home, or lair,
or whatever assholes
like you have.
Oh, Jack. There's still the
little matter of me killing you.
- [tires squealing]
- We had a deal.
I don't make deals with people that steal
from me. It's not good for business.
- My sniper.
- Your sniper's fucked.
Can't hear anything. I'm jamming
all signals transmitting out of here.
And I hope you don't think for one second I'm
going to step out from under this thing.
- Nope.
- [alarm chirps]
Get down!
[man] Get him out of here! Go!
Come on!
They're headed for the roof.
- [people screaming]
- Karen, move!
911, how can I direct your call?
[woman] We just heard a bomb,
really big, and I think...
Oh, my God! There's a whole bunch
of men with guns in my hotel.
Okay, ma'am. We have vehicles
responding right now. Just sit tight.
[phone chimes]
911, how can I
direct your call?
Yeah, we have vehicles
responding to you right now.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Go! Go! Go!
- Get to the roof.
- You sure don't need me, Jack?
- I'm sure I don't need you.
- You need me, Jack.
Ah! Shit!
Out of ammo, Jack? Huh?
[sighs]
Getting nervous?
[shouting]
[grunting]
Fuck you!
- Get over there, Jack! Fucker!
- Ah!
[shouting]
I had him!
Give me the gun.
Son of a...
[Lucas groaning, coughing]
- Thanks for the help.
- You owe me three vacations, Jack.
Looks like you're starting now.
Move! Let's go, man! Come on!
[Eddie] Stop!
Stop! All of this,
just to get shot up here on this roof.
That's your plan?
Ish.
- Bang!
- Eat a dick, asshole.
[grunts]
[gunshots]
[gunshot]
Come on!
This will take you to Miami
and then... wherever you need to go.
You always take care
of everything, Jack.
Your cut.
Seems a little light.
You can take it up
with Logan if you'd like.
No, I'll manage.
- Goodbye, Karen.
- Jack...
- Admit it.
- Admit what?
You missed me. You missed this.
This is the most alive you've felt in a long time.
- Admit it.
- [chuckles] Admit what?
You turned yourself in so we would have
to steal the diamonds and kill Eddie.
Like I said, you always take
care of everything, Jack.
Goodbye, Karen.
[car door slams]
Bye, Jack.
[beeping]
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[sighs]
What are you looking at?
I can't believe you just handed her
five million dollars.
- She earned it.
- Like hell she did.
Consider it a severance package
for you shooting her.
- That was an accident.
- "Marksmanship 101, boss. Gun target line was shit."
You know what they
say about hookers.
No, Jack. I don't know what they
say about hookers. Enlighten me.
You don't pay them for sex.
You pay them to leave.
Justify it however you need to in
order to sleep at night, boss.
- Call me a softy.
- I'll call you an idiot.
Logan, I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
Really? I see it
more as an ending.
- [scoffs]
- [fake laughs]
[clears throat]
- How's Logan?
- She's good. Thanks.
- And whose puppy is this?
- It's mine.
Uh, yeah, I... have proof.
I figured you'd ask.
His name is Roy.
- Jack, I...
- Look, Jenna, I was hoping for a second chance.
- I know I don't deserve one...
- Deserve? You want to talk about deserve?
Jack, I know I don't look like Karen,
but that doesn't mean I deserve
to be treated
the way you treated me.
You lied to me for weeks.
You almost got me killed.
- I...
- Just let me finish.
Okay, I liked you, a lot.
You were sweet, caring,
gentle, funny, smart.
And then you were still
all of those things,
but also this
incredible bad-ass.
Which was actually really sexy.
But if you want to ask me out again,
you're going to have to do more
than just buy a puppy
and show up with flowers.
Jenna, I... I don't...
Okay, how about this
for starters.
You come to my office
in a few weeks,
with your new puppy,
and if bad men haven't shown up
with guns to kill the poor
little innocent puppy by then,
then maybe we have a chance at having a
dinner date without bullets and boat chases.
- Deal?
- Deal.
And then, after an indefinite
number of dinner dates,
assuming that no pregnant
ex-girlfriends show up,
and no one shoots at us,
and if I don't catch you
in any more lies,
you can somehow
manage all of that,
then maybe, just maybe,
I'll give you a reason
to fuck with the lights on.
Told you she'd like you. Yeah.
[Logan] Well, "How about
we go to dinner" is better than,
"Go fuck yourself, Jack,
I'm calling the cops."
[phone rings]
- Hello?
- I didn't know if you'd pick up.
I didn't know it was you.
[chuckles] I deserve that.
What do you want, Karen?
I bought that house on St. John.
It's beautiful.
It's on the water,
just like we talked about.
I'm even looking
into buying a dive shop.
I'm happy for you, I really am,
but I don't see...
Goddamn it! I'm no good
at apologizing, Jack.
I've never apologized
to anyone for anything.
Well, I mean,
I was supposed to, I just...
I just didn't. [sighs]
Jack, something changed me all
through all this, you know,
seeing the pain
that I caused you, I...
I want to be with you.
This house, the money,
without you it's...
...it's boring.
But you know what's not boring,
you know what's never boring, Jack? Us.
- You're lonely, Karen. Find...
- I love you.
Jack, I love you.
I think I've always loved you.
And I know you love me.
We could make this work.
We could be happy.
We can be happy.
Jack.
Jack?
Jack?
- Wrong number.
- [laughs] Damn straight.
[rock music plays]
Tried love,
but it never fit
Too well
It was nice for a minute
Then hell
Jack, seriously. Why aren't
you picking up your phone?
- Because we're pregnant!
- And we're rich!
[both] We're rich
and we're pregnant!
Jackie boy, what's goin' on?
Remember that, uh,
Colonel Carter
who hated me so much
he threw me out of the Army?
Well, I'm with
his two daughters!
[laughs]
Hey, Jack, I shaved the beard,
and you owe me two more
vacations. Two more.
Just want you to know
I'm fuckin' done with Roy.
He shits and pisses everywhere.
I can't, I can't deal with that.
I'm never watching the dog
again. Look at this shit. Look.
You wanna see? Look.
See that shit?
All he does is fuckin' shit.
- [dog barking]
- Roy, no! No!
Jack, he's tryin' to fuck Grace.
[sighs] I'm gonna kill this dog.
It's not love
raining down on you
[woman] B-marker.
[sighs]
How many months are...?
Got any pickles?
[laughs]
- You wanna shove it in your ass?
- [laughs]
Good. And?
[laughs]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
There's a fly going
between us like this.
- Jack, who is that woman?
- Have you ever seen The Ring?
[laughter]
- I want her home by morning.
- All right.
I think she's a little big
for a hand off.
[laughs]
Just one. One.
One big one for the clap.
Hard. Hard.
Oh, my God, she's...
- [man] Okay, wait. Let's turn it around here.
- Yeah. Okay.
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm
he had Max...
[laughs, babbles]
Okay, wait. That's okay.
[man] That's a shot. I'm sorry.
All right. Let's go again.
[man] So you talk about
your vagina again, please.
- Roll the vagina part now.
- [laughs]
- It's like Fawlty Towers with a maniac.
- Ready?
- He couldn't help himself.
- There you go.
- Hi, Danny! [laughs]
- [man] I've got a gun for you.
- [man] Ready, Mark?
- I'm ready.
- Hi, Dan!
- [man] Get ready, guys.
- [laughter]
- [indistinct chatter]
I'm at the reception desk,
South Tower. Please, hurry.
Can you get me my car? And I should
get a free upgrade. This is crazy.
This is the worst vacation ever.
I should totally get a refund.
Ooh. You got belly,
you got belly, you got... arr!
Ahh!
Use a condom.
It's all I'm gonna say.
[Jenna] Jack,
who the hell is that?
- Uh, Mom's friend. Jesus.
- [laughter]
[man] All right. Cut.
[man] All right, go, get 'em,
they're so slow!
[laughter]
[Jack] We're all gonna die,
guys.
- You better run. I'm just tellin' you right now.
- [Karen] We're all gonna die?
She's all I had
Ain't that some best friend
All with my chest
Ain't that a son of a bitch