Prehysteria! 3 (1995) Movie Script
Many
million moons ago,
the spirit of Colabra came
down from the mountain,
one of peace and wonder.
A benevolent, ancient entity,
it presented the
world with a miracle.
They were small, precious eggs,
which brought forth five
prehistoric baby dinosaurs.
Creatures of fun and innocence.
Sacred and untouched,
bringing joy and
happiness to the world
which discovered them.
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Godzilla
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
And one day,
they discovered raisins.
For them, the food of the gods.
And they loved them.
And it took them on a new
and wonderful adventure.
- Tina, I'll meet
you at the car.
Okay, I'm
just playing 9.
Harry?
I'm there,
I'll be with you.
- Action!
- When I was on tour, from
Pebble Beach to Augusta,
I was never without
my personalized golf
ball monogrammer.
As you know, being able
to tell the difference
between your ball and others
can make the difference
between winning and
losing a tournament.
Now, this remarkable
device can be yours
for the amazing
low price of 89.99.
And if you order now,
I'm gonna throw in
an official Hal MacGregor
Golf Pro Divot Duster
at no extra charge.
- Well, it's a booming
good game she's had today.
Five birdies and two eagles.
She's three strokes away
from being the first lassie
to win the British Open.
And oh, what a bonny shot!
She knocked the
dimples off that one.
But blast, the wind is
carrying it a wee bit.
Poise under pressure.
That's the mark of a champion.
Cut!
And print.
That was perfect, Hal.
- Of course it was.
Don't forget our bet.
- Darn.
Can't believe you
did it in one take.
- What's life without
a few gambles?
- Okay, let's move on.
- A purple Titleist.
This ball can only
belong to my niece.
Come on, baby.
What's the hold up?
- Come on, start.
Come on, let's go!
- Get a move on,
grandpa, would you!
I have an 8 o'clock tee off!
Get out of the way!
- Are you deaf, old man?
I said move this jalopy!
- Pardon me.
Do you have any Grey Poupon?
- I said move this vehicle, sir.
you better get back your
sense of humor there, buddy.
Come on, buddy.
Oh, come on!
I can't be here all day.
Go around him!
Nothing wrong underneath here.
What's
going on up there?
- Ella's going to need
a dandy shot here,
or she'll be feeling
mighty dour tonight.
- Gee, can I have that
one for a welcome mat?
Top of the morning to you.
- Let's face it, MacGregor.
You'll never be a golfer.
You stink.
Your whole family stinks.
In fact, they shouldn't call
it MacGregor's Putt Putt.
Instead, they should
call it MacGregor's...
- I'll be playing the great
course at St. Andrews one day.
All's I need is some practice.
- This is a member's only club,
and I get teed off
at duffers like you
who sneak onto our course.
- This is me
uncle's golf course.
Go ask Hal.
I'm a MacGregor just like him.
- He told me to get
rid of the riff raff,
and that means you.
- I better be off.
I got some fish and
chips waiting for me.
Not until you pay the fine!
- I can't go any
faster, Captain.
I'm giving it all she's got.
My delithium crystals
are all used up.
Heath, he's about to
have me all mincemeat.
That Needlemeyer
bloke is after me.
- Take a chill pill, Bee Girl.
Mellow up and talk normally,
you sound like a tard.
- You should talk!
You should be proud of your kin.
MacGregors are the
noblest clan in Scotland.
- What are you doing?
What is going on?
How rude!
So, are you hide me, lad?
Before I get me noggin' whacked?
Are you baked?
I'm not tangling
with those biff-tads,
I'll lose my caddying job.
- Come on!
- All right, I'll go first.
- Time to get
rough in the rough.
- Leave me alone!
- You bloody hate golf!
- It may be the
Lawrence Welk of sports,
but it's the only
gig in this town
that's gonna help me get the yen
to buy the most righteous
guitar and amps.
Sorry, no go, compadre.
Fight those Izods on your own.
blast!
Slacker
Aren't you supposed to
caddy for the Wellingtons?
- Yeah, 3 o'clock, I
was just killing time.
I thought I'd catch
some rays too.
- Who told you you
could think, loser?
You are a disgrace
to this establishment
and this uniform.
Button your shirt, freakazoid!
And cut your hair, boy.
- Anything but that, please.
I'll even narc on my sister.
- I'll take it
under consideration.
Come on, boys.
Time to play some hopscotch.
I hate those guys.
- I'll bet three hearts.
- I am so bored!
Every weekend it's
the same routine.
We play Marco Polo in
the pool all morning,
get thrown out for taking
a leak in the waiting area,
and then we play bridge
until our stupid parents
finish playing their 18 holes.
Oh, the humanity!
- I'll show 'em.
I'll put sunblock on
their battery cables.
- You're right, Reginald.
Nothing exciting ever
happens around here.
- Here we go!
- There you are, Ella.
I'm going to change
your handicap.
Neato!
- Cool!
- Trespassing again, Ella?
- Uncle Hal.
- I believe you need
to be taught a lesson.
- But Uncle, we're
flesh and blood.
- Bad blood.
Your family's a disgrace
to the MacGregors,
your father's a loser,
and that broken window
at the clubhouse
tells me you're just like him.
- Stop your bickering, brat.
Me dad's a fine man.
You're a little
green, young one.
What's the matter
with this thing?
I must bustle!
Cheerio, old pal!
Get back here!
You take the low road
And I'll take the high road
And I'll be in
Scotland before ye
- Blasted door!
And Ella, I thought I told
you I didn't want you golfing.
- Don't hassle her, Thomas.
- I wasn't golfing.
See, I don't have me clubs.
- Then what are you doing
with your knickerbockers on,
young lady?
- All me other duties
were in the wash.
- Well, it's a good
thing, it's a silly game.
What's so great about
knowing how to get some
stupid ball into a silly hole?
- Looks to me like
Ella has discovered zen
in the art of golfing.
- I couldn't of said
it better meself, Mom.
Did you know the
king of Scotland
once had to ban golf?
A wise man.
So many people were playing it
that nobody was
practicing their archery.
The king was afraid that
the Scottish homeland
couldn't be defended.
- He was probably afraid nobody
was doing their chores too.
- Want some haggis?
who barfed?
It's a bonny
good Scottish meal
Made of vegetables
beef, and onions
It's good
That stuff
belongs in a bedpan.
And what's with all
this Scottish stuff?
The game of golf was
invented in Scotland
The first great golfer
and golf course designer
was a Scot, Tom Morris
I figure if I'm gonna
be the first lassie
to win the British Open,
I've got to harness the
Scottish in my blood.
Honey, why don't
you try harnessing
some of the French in your blood
from your mother's
side of the family?
Look what I gotcha.
See?
Now maybe you can concentrate
and set your sights
on winning the Tour de France.
You can say bonjour
instead of cheerio,
you can eat souffle
instead of haggis.
- Here's your clubs, Ella.
You left them at Uncle Hal's.
And I'm totally wasted
from carrying them home.
It's toxic enough I gotta caddy
for those rich dudes all day,
but to schlep your iron around,
that's maximum wack.
- Ella?
What do you have to
say for yourself?
- Thanks for the
ride, Uncle Hal.
- Aren't you
forgetting something?
- That wasn't a fair bet, man!
You didn't tell me that you had
your golf cart turbo charged.
What's life without
a few gambles?
Selling like hotcakes, I see.
What's this one called?
- JFK.
Very creative.
And what's this one called?
this is a self portrait.
I see
I like this
What's its title?
Boob Descending a Staircase
Where's the staircase?
What are you doing here?
Have you considered
my proposal?
Forget it, I am not
selling the mini putt to you.
This is a sure thing!
I'm offering you
twice what it's worth.
Your family deserves better
than living in this eyesore.
Go for it, Dad
Uncle Hal is right
We could blow outta
this dumpola big time.
Don't do it, Dad.
This is me birthplace
the home of our clan
I love it here.
What's the matter, Thomas?
Can't get the little
ball in the hole?
- I will never sell
this place to you!
really?
Really
- I was playing 9 holes
with your bank president
the other day, I like him.
He's a betting man.
Anyway, he said your
balloon payment is due.
You're going to
lose this property
by the end of the week anyway,
why not keep it in the family?
- I don't consider you family.
Now get off my property!
- Take this deal!
I don't want you blowing
it a second time.
Sounds like you lost
your marbles, Tom
rank!
What is it, technicolor toss?
Don't ask.
It's haggis.
- Just for that, you can
forget about all that work
fixing up my fleet
of golf carts.
Great
That means we'll never
raise enough money
to make the loan payment.
- tune out your brother.
The man's a pig, he doesn't
know what he's talking about.
Ella, why don't
you try out the bike?
Listen to that
Isn't it beautiful?
Smooth as silk
Ugh, I hate that music!
Mom, quick, where's my Walkman?
You left it right
next to Mr. Microphone.
Heath?
- When I get this
guitar I'm gonna go from
caddying for snobs to
Cadillacs with babes.
Is that you, lad?
Lordy
Puny dinosaurs!
I thought you
beasties were extinct.
Elvis?
What kind of name is that
for you to be having?
And you.
You look like you
belong in Loch Ness.
Paula, is it?
Jagger
And Hammer
Sure, indeed
I'm such a twit
You guys are named
after rock singers.
Too bad none of you crooners
are named after Rod Stewart.
Or better yet, the greatest
rock group in history...
You know, the great
Scottish band,
the Bay City Rollers!
You want a little gamin' I see.
Sure indeed, I'll play around.
You can go first,
you wee beastie.
Now that's what I call
a blooming good shot!
This is more fun than a
Sean Connery film festival.
I never knew I could
have such a bonny time
playing putt putt.
Me father and uncle
always told me
it was a bunch of fiddle-faddle.
It might even be good
practice, to boot.
Blast.
I'm such a twit.
Well, at least I did not break
another window this time.
Who am I fooling?
This lassie's never
gonna be gaming
in the British Open.
Stop your blatherskite.
It's true.
I just don't have what it takes.
Look, even a wee
dinosaur's better than me.
I'll prove it to ya.
I'll have another go at
it and I'll rug it again.
You cheated
Fine, I'll try it once more.
But I cannot concentrate.
I'm having such a merry time.
That was a bonny shot!
Let's try another hole.
This is place is awful doomy.
Me dad should
really clean it up.
Great Scott!
What's this?
- Blooming putter of stone!
And it's made by William Mayne.
The best club
maker in Edinburgh.
It must be hundreds
of years old
- What's going on out there?
- Blast!
It's me dad.
He'll kill me if he finds
I've been gaming out here.
He hates beasties more
than golf, so let's hide.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, guys.
Come on
- Ella, are you out here?
no
Who uncovered this
piece of junk?
What was that?
Golf will be the death of me!
no!
We got rats.
what an irritating noise!
You look like you
need some oiling.
Ella?
- Top of the evening to ya!
- Ella, what are
you doing out here?
You were playing
golf back there.
- I can't help it.
It's in me blood.
- Well, I thought you said
you were gonna try out
the bike I fixed up for ya.
Well, I see you found
the right place for it,
with the other scrap metal.
- I don't know
what's wrong with it.
Battery has a full charge
It is going to be magnificent
The Hal MacGregor Golf
Pro Resort and Spa.
It's an excellent
investment, Mr. Yamamoto.
Sake
What's the matter?
He isn't saying anything.
- You've insulted him by
rushing into business.
The Japanese like to
be entertained first.
- You want to bet?
$20 says you're wrong.
You're on
Mr Yamamoto
You're an avid golf enthusiast
perhaps you can
tell me something.
Why does Arnold Palmer
always wear two sweaters?
In case he gets a hole-in-one.
He's as cold as sushi.
Didn't even crack a smile.
- Something the
matter, Mr. Yamamoto?
that eyesore.
Of course
We would never build our
resort next to that dump.
I will have acquired
that property
by the end of the week,
we'll bulldoze right over it.
Face it, Michelle,
she's a strange girl.
She's not acting herself.
So what?
You haven't been yourself
since Reagan took office.
you're nuts.
Now I know where Ella gets it.
sometimes
you make me so mad-
- What?
Michelle, put the
welder's torch down.
Michelle, put it down!
Sean
Sean
Where did I go wrong?
What are you calling
this work of art, Mom?
- You'll probably
guess in a sec.
Here, help me with this, okay?
Hold that
So, what's the tale
of that bonny putter
and the stone out back?
Why don't we take a break, okay?
- Okay
- That was your
old man's putter.
- I don't believe it.
- it's true.
Your pop was one of the greatest
amateur golfers on the planet.
I followed him around
like he was Jerry Garcia
from tournament to tournament.
Man, what a trip that was.
So, why does he gripe
about golf so much?
he kinda burnt
out of the Pro-Am finals
at Pebble Beach.
Man, that was a bad scene.
See
The top 2 golfers
of the tournament
would get to do their
thing at the PGA circuit.
It was your dad's lifelong dream
to get a gig as a pro golfer.
Well, your Uncle
Hal was already in
with a seven under par.
Well anyway, your
father only had to sink
a 4 foot putt to be
able to go pro too.
Everything looked totally cool.
- So, what happened, Mom?
- Well, dig this.
Your father normally had
nerves made of iced tea.
But just as he made his
putt, a bird chirped.
Well, it was more like a
freaky squeak actually,
and your father missed his putt.
Man, it was a total bummer.
He's never been able to pick up
a golf club since that day.
- What a shame.
Yeah, it's a
bummer, man, real bummer.
So what about the putter?
Well, I'm getting to that.
As you know, your Uncle Hal
was willed the country club,
and your father
inherited this pad.
Anyway
All the castles and
the moats and stuff
gave me this far out inspiration
to create the putter
in the concrete.
You know, like Excalibur,
King Arthur's sword.
Well, I hope that it
would inspire your father
to get it together
and golf again.
Well, my masterpiece
had the opposite vibe.
He hated that club so much
he dumped a scrap
load of metal on it.
- And that's how the mini
putt became a scrapyard.
Mom, why didn't you
tell me this before?
- Well, honey, your dad
didn't want you to know.
He thought that you'd think
he was a total failure.
Anyway, help me with this.
Here we go.
Now, can you tell what it is?
- Is it another
sculpture of Uncle Hal?
No
It's a Brachiosaurus.
This symbolizes
how our mini putt
has gone the way
of the dinosaur.
So has our home.
How true that is.
beasties.
Do you want some haggis?
What are you devils up to?
Smashing idea, beasties!
hole in one!
- This is much more fun
than playing bridge!
- And Marco Polo.
- How's this thing work?
- That'll be $3, laddie.
no, let me see
if I can break a 20.
I'm talking about making change
you little beasties.
Good thing I have
me Scotch tape.
Here you go
Want the yellow ball?
When the old man wakes up,
you're gonna be
in major trouble.
Stop your fretting, Heath.
He'll be merry when he finds out
how much money I'm making.
- With 5 customers?
Not
I plan to make a
bundle on concessions.
Look, here comes a customer now.
- What do you have to eat?
- We have a special on haggis.
- What's haggis?
- You'll love it.
I'll give you a free sample.
Here you go
One order of haggis.
- If I were you, I'd skip
the haggis, little man.
- Heath.
- You'd make more
dinero selling tickets
to your bagpipe
concert, all right?
Ciao
- Ella
What's going on here?
I thought I said no golf!
Here
Let me have that stupid thing
Putt putt golf and a floor show
This is comedy club
compared to country club
- Dad, I was just
trying to help you out
a wee bit with
paying the bank loan.
Would you give me
a blooming chance?
I can earn some more money.
forget it!
Maybe I should sell
this place, I hate golf.
- That's not true, Dad.
I know you love golf,
and I know you're
a great golfer.
And I want to be as good as you.
I want you to teach me.
But we can't do that we
if we lose this home.
And there's something
else you should know,
I had a little help
fixing up the park
They're miniature dinosaurs.
I don't know where
they came from.
I know you hate
animals, so please-
- You want me to
keep the putt putt
and these dinosaurs?
What do you think
this is, Dino Putt?
Hey, wait a minute, that's it!
Dino Putt!
We'll make a fortune
where'd they come from?
I just love happy endings
Rock Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Bruce Lee, he can't
take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny screaming won't
you save me please
Rock Godzilla down
We're gonna rock
We're gonna Rock
Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Call the army and
the National Guard
Keep this guy out
of my front yard
He's a party crasher
and a well known drag
Beady eyes and a tail to wag
He wrecked the house
and you know it's true
Keep on dancing before
the night is through
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Godzilla
We've got very good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Real Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Roofs are leaking,
can't take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny's screaming,
won't you save me please
Rock Godzilla
down to his knees
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Call the army and
the National Guard
Keep this guy
outta my front yard
He's a party crasher
and a well known drag
Beady eyes and a tail to wag
He'll wreck the house
and you know it's true
Keep on dancing before
the night is through
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Rock Godzilla
We've got plenty
good rockin' tonight
We've got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's roll
Godzilla
Yeah
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Hey, Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Rock
Godzilla
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Let's rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's roll
Rock Godzilla
Let's roll
Rock Godzilla
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
[whimsical music]
[boys laughing]
- That was funnier than the time
we dropped the Baby Ruth bars
in the bottom of the pool
So, when's the floor show?
- Floor show?
What are you talking about?
- You know, the comedy after
you fall into the moat
- That was a one time
command performance.
- How bout her?
She's quite a Betty.
sorry, no floor show.
That was the best
part about being here.
- Well, hey, wait a minute.
Where you going?
We got something even better.
Try out one of our
complimentary Dino Burgers.
Serve 'em up, four
hungry golfers,
hot off the griddle.
You can't beat 'em, huh?
- These are great!
- You like 'em?
Tell your friends!
Hey, they're selling
like hot cakes.
What are you putting
in those burgers?
- Haggis helper.
- Business is going great.
A few more days like
this and we'll be able
to make the bank payment.
- You know, you're right.
Hey, let me try one
of those Dino Burgers.
- Putter!
Putter!
- Hey man, carrying
the golf clubs
around again today?
What happened to your golf cart?
- Would you very kindly shut up?
You are louder than the noise
from that miniature golf course
owned by that dreadful
deadbeat loser.
He's not a loser, okay?
My dad was one of the
best amateur golfers
to ever play the game.
Pfft, he's a wicked
better golfer
than you'll ever
be, Hackmeister.
- How dare you address
me in that manner!
What kind of caddy are you?
- A retired caddy.
I'm not lugging around
30 pounds of iron
in 90 degree heat for
some uppity twink anymore.
I'm truckin'.
- Where do you
think you're going?
- To the putt putt to get
a real job, Needlenose.
- You pick those
clubs up now, boy.
- You pick 'em up.
- Impotence of the man!
Did you hear what he said?
How dare he.
jolly good!
I can play through
with your caddy now.
- All right, I know I was
a major dooker to you Ella,
but I'll do anything to get
a job around here, okay?
Anything?
- Hey, dudes, the
benefits are great!
Maybe I should
give cycling a try.
I'm washed up as a golfer.
you're wrong now, lassie.
You make a mighty fine golfer.
You just gotta learn
the secrets of the game,
then you'll be loggin'.
Dad
- Now your stroke is perfect,
but your noggin' isn't.
You think too much.
Choose one happy thought
and keep it in your
skull whenever you putt.
Now go ahead, try it again.
Happy thought.
Happy thought
Bonny shot
And what was your happy
thought, Daughter?
- I pictured you picking
up a golf club again.
well I say you have
an active imagination.
How about a dram of ginger?
- Urn Brew
Imported from Scotland.
My favorite.
Cheers to us, and those like us.
Darn few, they're all
dead and more's a pity.
- Ha, well put!
now that's good.
I know dinosaurs may
be good for business,
but I'm not so sure I
like them as pets, lass
- Needlemeyer.
Mr. Yamamoto has not
said one word all day.
- They say laughter
is the best medicine.
Try another one of
my jokes on him.
Here's a good one.
Who makes the best golfers?
Belly dancers, because they
never move their heads
He's been staring
out at that miserable
miniature golf
course all day long.
- The putt putt has
been busy all day,
the profits must
be astronomical.
- I need to get my
hands on that eyesore
before Mr. Yamamoto decides
to withdraw his investment
in the Hal MacGregor
Golf Pro Resort and Spa,
you understand me, Needlemeyer?
Needlemeyer, straighten
up and fly right.
I want you to fix it so
that mini putt goes bye bye
- Ah, this stuff may
smell like my grandmother,
but the deep heating
rub feels so good.
- What's up, Madonna?
no
Needlemeyer
Good of you to
beam down, Scotty.
Now I can kick your anus.
- This will be more
fun than when the Scots
beat the English in the
Battle of Bannockburn
Take that!
- I don't think so.
Get the point?
- Your spikes are
as short and as dull
as the stubble on your face.
- You really burn me up.
So, I think I'll
return the favor
- I guess something
else caught on fire
- I don't know.
They looked like
little dinosaurs
But they
They could've been rats
- Rats, you say?
Needlemeyer, zip up your fly
Ugh.
Get a grip, man
We've got something
important to do.
Come on, kids.
Nice shot.
How many are you on this hole?
- You better appreciate
this, because I hate animals,
even though you are
cute little dinosaurs.
Critters are always making
squeaky noises that I hate.
Get in there and keep quiet.
Ella, take this.
What's going on?
It's the critters, hide them.
Well!
Howdy, howdy.
Care for a game, sir?
- George Stutts.
Department of Public Health.
We've received a tip
that there may be
a possible vermin
infestation on this premises.
- Hal
- Ah, you should
thank your brother.
Rats can pose an
enormous health hazard.
- Believe me, there are no rats
or any other animals
on these premises,
I make sure of that.
no, no.
I can't stand critters
of any shape or size.
Tell the man that, Hal.
- Sorry, Tom, this place
is a health hazard.
I bet Stutts would
find more mice here
than at Disneyland.
- This ball is covered
with teeth marks.
See?
Larger than anything
I've ever seen before
This is a big problem.
Massive problem
Attention.
Attention.
These premises must be cleared.
This putt putt has
been quarantined
by the Department
of Public Health.
Let's move, people!
- What a gyp!
I want my money back!
Look
First no floor
show, and now this
Hurry back, gentleman.
- This is a
handheld, ultrasonic,
bio-audio receiving device.
Yeah, you can't buy one of
those babies in Radio Shack.
- How does this work?
It's an ultra-sensitive
microphone, Hal!
With it, I can hear
the breath, heartbeat,
or growl of any creature
within a hundred yard radius
Strange.
You're not registering
a heartbeat, Hal
Must be my nerves of steel
- But Thomas, your
heart is just racing.
Are you nervous about something?
Of course not
Well
Try and relax.
I'll find your rat
problem in no time
Bingo!
I found you, you little vermin.
Right category, wrong species.
What are you doing here, kid?
I just wanted to
play another round.
really?
What's going on?
Helping out little
critters is one thing,
but I never thought
I'd be doing this
- Wait, wait, wait
a second, hold it.
I'm getting something.
fantastic.
Would you listen to
all those squeaks?
Hal, Hal, Hal, come, look, look.
That's unbelievable.
Wait a minute, oh,
massive, massive.
Massive vermin
activity taking place.
But where?
In the house!
It's in the house
Strange
Pretty strange
The signal was
pinning the needle
but I couldn't find
any rats anywhere
They must've dispersed
when they saw me approach.
That's it, yeah, that's it
These premises are
under strict quarantine
until I can come back
with some equipment
that's a little less
primitive than this.
Strange, very strange
Tough break, Thomas
Just when you had a chance
to pay back your loan
Listen, you're still my brother,
and even though there is
a vermin problem here,
my offer still stands
to buy the property.
I'll never sell
Just think about it
The deck is stacked against you,
you don't want to blow it again.
Don't listen to him, Thomas
Beautiful approach shot.
Nice pitch to the green here.
It looks like he's
got, what do you say,
about an 18 footer?
A little over 17
Okay
Looks like a slight
break to the left here,
he's probably gonna push
it just to the left edge.
These greens are fairly fast.
It will be a tricky one.
Here we go.
He's
addressing the ball
It's moving
Just heartbreaking.
Poor Dad
He lost the golf
tournament to Uncle Hal,
now he's gonna
lose the mini putt?
If we just knew what
Uncle Hal was up to,
we might be able
to do something.
Did you know plaid was
originally designed
by the Scottish as camouflage?
Who cares?
I can't believe you
talked me into this.
Be thankful for Dad's kilt.
It might help you hide.
I look like a mega dork
Relax
Didn't you know Axl Rose
sometimes wears a kilt?
- Axl Rose as in Guns & Roses?
Cool
Why did we bring these
guys along anyway?
- They can be a big
help in a tight spot.
Quick
Hide, Heath?
Where?
Use your kilt!
- I hate patrolling
without the golf carts.
my legs are tired.
What?
Let's bag this and build
a castle in the sand trap!
that's a great idea
These kilts are pretty cool.
A little drafty though.
Please, pardon our
plebeian surroundings.
When Hal MacGregor Golf Pro
Resort and Spa is built,
we'll have a giant dining
room and grand ballroom
Excellent.
I'm starved.
I haven't eaten all day.
I love sushi, don't you?
Needlemeyer
Who's that guy with Uncle Hal?
I don't know
Wayne Newton?
You are not going
to eat with us.
I have enough problems as it is
I think Mr. Yamamoto is going
to withdraw his investment
unless I can get my
hands on that miserable
mini putt in a hurry.
Now, the last thing I need
is you embarrassing me
with your problem.
come on, just
a couple of bites.
Get outta here
And stay away from the sodas,
you know what that does to ya
Where did Elvis and Paula go?
Elvis, no
I misjudged you, Mr. Yamamoto.
You do have a sense of humor.
Paula, don't do it
I get it
This is a test
Humility is a great
virtue in your society.
You want to see
how humble I can be
before you partner with me?
Thank you, Yamamoto-san, please,
dump on me some more.
Thank you
I'm your humble servant
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion.
Just catch your breath
and walk it off.
Excuse me a moment.
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion.
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion.
You
I knew it all along
You're just the people
I want to talk to.
I have an offer
you can't refuse.
- Forget it.
- You haven't even heard it yet.
- Let me guess.
You want us to talk our
dad into selling you
the mini putt
Bright girl
And in return, I can
fulfill your dreams.
Heath.
How would you like that most
righteous electric guitar?
- How did you know?
- Nothing escapes my eye.
I learned it as a pro golfer,
always know the lay of the land.
I'll buy you that guitar,
and you can have your
old caddy job back
at twice the pay.
In no time, you'll
be able to finance
your own rock band, go on tour.
You'll have what you want most.
Appreciation for that now
untapped artistic talent,
and escape from that
miserable dump of a mini putt.
And you, Ella
Your dream of
being a pro golfer,
I can make it happen,
I can get you lessons
with PGA golfers
I'll sponsor you, you'll travel
to all the amateur tournaments.
And when the time comes,
you'll have a friend
on the rules committee
to get you in to the men's tour
and that fabled British Open.
You'll have the respect
that you deserve.
- Forget it.
- Don't blow this big
chance like your father did,
think it over.
No matter how much you
fix up that miserable
miniature golf course of yours,
all it'll ever be is
a mecca for kiddies,
loser duffers, and
low class hackers.
Let's face it.
Mini putt is the
freak show of golf.
- And you're the
dark prince of golf.
You don't love the
sport like I do,
you only want to
exploit it for money.
I'll never turn.
Come on, Heath.
- I'm sorry, Ella,
Uncle Hal here
spoke some righteous words.
I think we should
cut our losses.
- If you do this now,
in one way or another,
you're gonna be
carrying baggage for him
for the rest of your life.
Let me go
You need a reality check, Dad
You're gonna lose
the property anyway.
Why don't you just sell
it to Uncle Hal now,
at least you'll get
a bunch of dinero.
Uncle Hal has him
under his thumb.
If we sell the mini putt
we'll be just like he
Well, I hate to admit it
but we don't have any
other choice, Ella
Your father's right
I'm sorry, dear
There must be
something else we can do
I don't get it.
Putt?
One word
One syllable
Sounds like
Pet
Jet?
Debt
Bet
I get it.
Dad, make a bet with Uncle Hal.
This Japanese guy
has him desperate
to get his hands
on our property.
- Well, what good
is that gonna do us?
- If Uncle Hal wins, we
sell him the property.
If he loses, he pays
off our bank loan.
- Do you think he'll
really go for it?
- Definitely.
Uncle Hal's addicted
to gambling.
- What's the bet?
- A game of miniature golf.
Winner takes all
no forget it
Uncle Hal's a golf pro
I haven't touched
a club in 15 years.
Forget it
Then I'll play him
You said I was pretty good.
And I know the course
better than anyone.
I said no, and this time
I want you to listen to me.
- But why?
- Because I don't want
what happened to me
to happen to you.
When I missed that
putt 15 years ago,
I didn't just lose
the tournament,
I lost my spirit.
Ella
Why'd you have to
miss that stupid putt?
Why?
Stupid putter.
This is all your fault
I won't lose, I promise.
That's the bet?
It's more like a killing
It was all my idea too
Excellent
Your sister doesn't stand
a chance against me
Hal MacGregor, golf pro.
Tell your father I accept.
Needlemeyer.
You remember that
little arrangement
we cooked up at the Kemper Open?
I want you to set it up
You're going to cheat?
I thought you said
this was a sure thing
I probably won't have to
she's only a young girl
I just want a little
insurance policy, that's all
Uncle Hal, I almost forgot
could we pick up that
guitar after the match?
- Do you think he heard the part
about the insurance policy?
I don't know.
But I'll find out
- Is it safe?
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Is it safe?
it's safe,
it's safe as it's ever gonna be
Just don't do it,
please, come on
- Is it safe?
- No, no, it's not safe.
I mean, I don't know!
- Well, if you don't know
whether it's safe or not,
I have to at least
know that you're loyal.
You have to become one of us.
No
- Where's Dad?
- He's too nervous to watch.
He's waiting inside, honey.
this is gonna
be a real nail biter.
Pardon me, I mean tail biter
Needlemeyer
While everyone is
watching the first round,
you wire up the 18th hole.
Roger
Guests first
You got your dad's old putter.
What's that for, luck?
This is great!
It's so exciting.
Even my parents decided
not to play golf today.
Come on, Ella
Come on,
honey, you can do it.
What's the matter?
Can't sleep?
[dinosaur chattering]
Thanks
I need as many
fans as I can get
Think your happy thoughts
Beginner's luck.
Ella's up a stroke!
All right
- I love the smell of
AstroTurf in the morning.
Smells like victory
Son
You take a tip from a pro.
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion
What drama, what suspense
Lucky putter!
I don't know, Madonna.
It's getting harder and
harder to keep a happy thought
in my head when I put
All right
I'll do my best
honey
Ella's down a stroke.
no
I think the pressure's
getting to her.
She's gotta have somebody
She's gotta have
it all today
She's gotta have somebody
She's gonna do
it all her way
It's not if you win or lose
But winning's the
only game to chose
When you're somebody
If you're somebody
- It's all tied up.
I'm so nervous, I hope I
don't toss my Dino Burger.
Poise under pressure.
Poise under pressure
You'll be fine
Poise under pressure
You spoke too soon, Uncle Hal
Don't count your chickens
before they hatch
They might turn
out to be birdies
I'll have to
remember that one
I'm sorry, Ella
It's not your fault
It's in your blood to
choke under pressure
Wait a minute.
Let me have that remote
Look at this.
Frame 161, I'm
getting ready to putt.
There's one tree in front of me,
the only tree within 50 yards.
Frame 190
There are no birds present
in that tree at this time.
Frame 220, Hal joins the
crowd on the grassy knoll.
Frame 232, I begin to putt.
Frame 260, the fatal
chirp rings out,
my head flinches
towards the noise.
But look at this.
I don't look right
towards the tree
where the only birds
could possibly be,
but back and to the left,
towards the grassy knoll.
See?
Back and to the left.
Back and to the left.
Back and to the left.
My putt was pronounced
dead on arrival
and so was my PGA career.
But this proves it was
not a lone bird chirp.
It was a conspiracy
Do it, love
Dad
Sorry to interrupt
your putt, Ella
I just didn't think it
was right for Uncle Hal
to be smoking during your shot.
What's that got
to do with anything?
- We're gonna make
history repeat itself.
- That was then, this is now.
She's still gotta sink the putt.
Are you all right, Ella?
We can cancel this
whole thing right now.
I can do it
My happy thought just came true
you know you were right
This feels good
Okay, Ella
Let's see that
nice, easy stroke.
Be quiet
Stay calm, Ella
No
See how easy it is?
- So, why'd you
come back and help?
- Well, let's just say I had
a close shave at Uncle Hal's,
and I realized I was
becoming just like
one of those biff tads
Hi there, folks
Say I was just wondering,
has anybody seen any
dinosaurs around here?
Does the word "duh"
mean anything to you?
- Yeah, as a matter
of fact, it does.
Considering how
many times I've lost
those little ol' critters.
Well, I'm off.
I hope I don't lose them again.
- Tell him to wait, wait, wait.
Wait!
- I thought you already
said goodbye to them.
No
I was inside giving them
a going away present.
Well, they're gone.
I know
Hey, Mr. Cranston.
Mr. Cranston, wait up!
Wait up
Mr Cranston
I'm glad I caught you guys.
I wanted to say goodbye
and I wanted
to give you this
I thought you might want
some music for the ride home.
Bye, Mr Cranston.
Okay
- Just relax.
Ah, how about a
round of putt putt?
Smashing
That sounds like a bonny time.
- Oh, don't tell me
you're gonna start
rapping bogus about, Bee Girl.
- Look who's talking.
Okay
How about this?
Bonjour, Papa
I've been studying
your property all week.
I want to build a resort
around your golf course.
It will be the biggest
putt putt in the world!
And of course, we'll need more
of these magnificent sculptures.
No problem
- We'll build one in
Tokyo, and Russia too.
They're in great need
of good, cheap fun.
Well, we're game
You're a funny man
So do we have a deal?
There's one condition.
what's that?
Room service will have to
deliver these Dino Burgers
24 hours a day
Real Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Bruce Lee, he can't
take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny's screaming
won't you save me please
Rock Godzilla
down to his knees
We're gonna rock
We're gonna Rock
Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Call the army and
the National Guard
Keep this guy out
of my front yard
He's a party crasher
and a well known drag
Beady eyes and a tail to wag
He'll wreck the house
and you know it's true
Keep on dancing before
the night is through
We're gonna rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Real Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Roofs are leaking,
can't take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny's screaming
won't you save me please
Rock Godzilla
down to his knees
We're gonna rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Godzilla
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Let's rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla
Tonight
All right, boys
million moons ago,
the spirit of Colabra came
down from the mountain,
one of peace and wonder.
A benevolent, ancient entity,
it presented the
world with a miracle.
They were small, precious eggs,
which brought forth five
prehistoric baby dinosaurs.
Creatures of fun and innocence.
Sacred and untouched,
bringing joy and
happiness to the world
which discovered them.
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Godzilla
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
And one day,
they discovered raisins.
For them, the food of the gods.
And they loved them.
And it took them on a new
and wonderful adventure.
- Tina, I'll meet
you at the car.
Okay, I'm
just playing 9.
Harry?
I'm there,
I'll be with you.
- Action!
- When I was on tour, from
Pebble Beach to Augusta,
I was never without
my personalized golf
ball monogrammer.
As you know, being able
to tell the difference
between your ball and others
can make the difference
between winning and
losing a tournament.
Now, this remarkable
device can be yours
for the amazing
low price of 89.99.
And if you order now,
I'm gonna throw in
an official Hal MacGregor
Golf Pro Divot Duster
at no extra charge.
- Well, it's a booming
good game she's had today.
Five birdies and two eagles.
She's three strokes away
from being the first lassie
to win the British Open.
And oh, what a bonny shot!
She knocked the
dimples off that one.
But blast, the wind is
carrying it a wee bit.
Poise under pressure.
That's the mark of a champion.
Cut!
And print.
That was perfect, Hal.
- Of course it was.
Don't forget our bet.
- Darn.
Can't believe you
did it in one take.
- What's life without
a few gambles?
- Okay, let's move on.
- A purple Titleist.
This ball can only
belong to my niece.
Come on, baby.
What's the hold up?
- Come on, start.
Come on, let's go!
- Get a move on,
grandpa, would you!
I have an 8 o'clock tee off!
Get out of the way!
- Are you deaf, old man?
I said move this jalopy!
- Pardon me.
Do you have any Grey Poupon?
- I said move this vehicle, sir.
you better get back your
sense of humor there, buddy.
Come on, buddy.
Oh, come on!
I can't be here all day.
Go around him!
Nothing wrong underneath here.
What's
going on up there?
- Ella's going to need
a dandy shot here,
or she'll be feeling
mighty dour tonight.
- Gee, can I have that
one for a welcome mat?
Top of the morning to you.
- Let's face it, MacGregor.
You'll never be a golfer.
You stink.
Your whole family stinks.
In fact, they shouldn't call
it MacGregor's Putt Putt.
Instead, they should
call it MacGregor's...
- I'll be playing the great
course at St. Andrews one day.
All's I need is some practice.
- This is a member's only club,
and I get teed off
at duffers like you
who sneak onto our course.
- This is me
uncle's golf course.
Go ask Hal.
I'm a MacGregor just like him.
- He told me to get
rid of the riff raff,
and that means you.
- I better be off.
I got some fish and
chips waiting for me.
Not until you pay the fine!
- I can't go any
faster, Captain.
I'm giving it all she's got.
My delithium crystals
are all used up.
Heath, he's about to
have me all mincemeat.
That Needlemeyer
bloke is after me.
- Take a chill pill, Bee Girl.
Mellow up and talk normally,
you sound like a tard.
- You should talk!
You should be proud of your kin.
MacGregors are the
noblest clan in Scotland.
- What are you doing?
What is going on?
How rude!
So, are you hide me, lad?
Before I get me noggin' whacked?
Are you baked?
I'm not tangling
with those biff-tads,
I'll lose my caddying job.
- Come on!
- All right, I'll go first.
- Time to get
rough in the rough.
- Leave me alone!
- You bloody hate golf!
- It may be the
Lawrence Welk of sports,
but it's the only
gig in this town
that's gonna help me get the yen
to buy the most righteous
guitar and amps.
Sorry, no go, compadre.
Fight those Izods on your own.
blast!
Slacker
Aren't you supposed to
caddy for the Wellingtons?
- Yeah, 3 o'clock, I
was just killing time.
I thought I'd catch
some rays too.
- Who told you you
could think, loser?
You are a disgrace
to this establishment
and this uniform.
Button your shirt, freakazoid!
And cut your hair, boy.
- Anything but that, please.
I'll even narc on my sister.
- I'll take it
under consideration.
Come on, boys.
Time to play some hopscotch.
I hate those guys.
- I'll bet three hearts.
- I am so bored!
Every weekend it's
the same routine.
We play Marco Polo in
the pool all morning,
get thrown out for taking
a leak in the waiting area,
and then we play bridge
until our stupid parents
finish playing their 18 holes.
Oh, the humanity!
- I'll show 'em.
I'll put sunblock on
their battery cables.
- You're right, Reginald.
Nothing exciting ever
happens around here.
- Here we go!
- There you are, Ella.
I'm going to change
your handicap.
Neato!
- Cool!
- Trespassing again, Ella?
- Uncle Hal.
- I believe you need
to be taught a lesson.
- But Uncle, we're
flesh and blood.
- Bad blood.
Your family's a disgrace
to the MacGregors,
your father's a loser,
and that broken window
at the clubhouse
tells me you're just like him.
- Stop your bickering, brat.
Me dad's a fine man.
You're a little
green, young one.
What's the matter
with this thing?
I must bustle!
Cheerio, old pal!
Get back here!
You take the low road
And I'll take the high road
And I'll be in
Scotland before ye
- Blasted door!
And Ella, I thought I told
you I didn't want you golfing.
- Don't hassle her, Thomas.
- I wasn't golfing.
See, I don't have me clubs.
- Then what are you doing
with your knickerbockers on,
young lady?
- All me other duties
were in the wash.
- Well, it's a good
thing, it's a silly game.
What's so great about
knowing how to get some
stupid ball into a silly hole?
- Looks to me like
Ella has discovered zen
in the art of golfing.
- I couldn't of said
it better meself, Mom.
Did you know the
king of Scotland
once had to ban golf?
A wise man.
So many people were playing it
that nobody was
practicing their archery.
The king was afraid that
the Scottish homeland
couldn't be defended.
- He was probably afraid nobody
was doing their chores too.
- Want some haggis?
who barfed?
It's a bonny
good Scottish meal
Made of vegetables
beef, and onions
It's good
That stuff
belongs in a bedpan.
And what's with all
this Scottish stuff?
The game of golf was
invented in Scotland
The first great golfer
and golf course designer
was a Scot, Tom Morris
I figure if I'm gonna
be the first lassie
to win the British Open,
I've got to harness the
Scottish in my blood.
Honey, why don't
you try harnessing
some of the French in your blood
from your mother's
side of the family?
Look what I gotcha.
See?
Now maybe you can concentrate
and set your sights
on winning the Tour de France.
You can say bonjour
instead of cheerio,
you can eat souffle
instead of haggis.
- Here's your clubs, Ella.
You left them at Uncle Hal's.
And I'm totally wasted
from carrying them home.
It's toxic enough I gotta caddy
for those rich dudes all day,
but to schlep your iron around,
that's maximum wack.
- Ella?
What do you have to
say for yourself?
- Thanks for the
ride, Uncle Hal.
- Aren't you
forgetting something?
- That wasn't a fair bet, man!
You didn't tell me that you had
your golf cart turbo charged.
What's life without
a few gambles?
Selling like hotcakes, I see.
What's this one called?
- JFK.
Very creative.
And what's this one called?
this is a self portrait.
I see
I like this
What's its title?
Boob Descending a Staircase
Where's the staircase?
What are you doing here?
Have you considered
my proposal?
Forget it, I am not
selling the mini putt to you.
This is a sure thing!
I'm offering you
twice what it's worth.
Your family deserves better
than living in this eyesore.
Go for it, Dad
Uncle Hal is right
We could blow outta
this dumpola big time.
Don't do it, Dad.
This is me birthplace
the home of our clan
I love it here.
What's the matter, Thomas?
Can't get the little
ball in the hole?
- I will never sell
this place to you!
really?
Really
- I was playing 9 holes
with your bank president
the other day, I like him.
He's a betting man.
Anyway, he said your
balloon payment is due.
You're going to
lose this property
by the end of the week anyway,
why not keep it in the family?
- I don't consider you family.
Now get off my property!
- Take this deal!
I don't want you blowing
it a second time.
Sounds like you lost
your marbles, Tom
rank!
What is it, technicolor toss?
Don't ask.
It's haggis.
- Just for that, you can
forget about all that work
fixing up my fleet
of golf carts.
Great
That means we'll never
raise enough money
to make the loan payment.
- tune out your brother.
The man's a pig, he doesn't
know what he's talking about.
Ella, why don't
you try out the bike?
Listen to that
Isn't it beautiful?
Smooth as silk
Ugh, I hate that music!
Mom, quick, where's my Walkman?
You left it right
next to Mr. Microphone.
Heath?
- When I get this
guitar I'm gonna go from
caddying for snobs to
Cadillacs with babes.
Is that you, lad?
Lordy
Puny dinosaurs!
I thought you
beasties were extinct.
Elvis?
What kind of name is that
for you to be having?
And you.
You look like you
belong in Loch Ness.
Paula, is it?
Jagger
And Hammer
Sure, indeed
I'm such a twit
You guys are named
after rock singers.
Too bad none of you crooners
are named after Rod Stewart.
Or better yet, the greatest
rock group in history...
You know, the great
Scottish band,
the Bay City Rollers!
You want a little gamin' I see.
Sure indeed, I'll play around.
You can go first,
you wee beastie.
Now that's what I call
a blooming good shot!
This is more fun than a
Sean Connery film festival.
I never knew I could
have such a bonny time
playing putt putt.
Me father and uncle
always told me
it was a bunch of fiddle-faddle.
It might even be good
practice, to boot.
Blast.
I'm such a twit.
Well, at least I did not break
another window this time.
Who am I fooling?
This lassie's never
gonna be gaming
in the British Open.
Stop your blatherskite.
It's true.
I just don't have what it takes.
Look, even a wee
dinosaur's better than me.
I'll prove it to ya.
I'll have another go at
it and I'll rug it again.
You cheated
Fine, I'll try it once more.
But I cannot concentrate.
I'm having such a merry time.
That was a bonny shot!
Let's try another hole.
This is place is awful doomy.
Me dad should
really clean it up.
Great Scott!
What's this?
- Blooming putter of stone!
And it's made by William Mayne.
The best club
maker in Edinburgh.
It must be hundreds
of years old
- What's going on out there?
- Blast!
It's me dad.
He'll kill me if he finds
I've been gaming out here.
He hates beasties more
than golf, so let's hide.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, guys.
Come on
- Ella, are you out here?
no
Who uncovered this
piece of junk?
What was that?
Golf will be the death of me!
no!
We got rats.
what an irritating noise!
You look like you
need some oiling.
Ella?
- Top of the evening to ya!
- Ella, what are
you doing out here?
You were playing
golf back there.
- I can't help it.
It's in me blood.
- Well, I thought you said
you were gonna try out
the bike I fixed up for ya.
Well, I see you found
the right place for it,
with the other scrap metal.
- I don't know
what's wrong with it.
Battery has a full charge
It is going to be magnificent
The Hal MacGregor Golf
Pro Resort and Spa.
It's an excellent
investment, Mr. Yamamoto.
Sake
What's the matter?
He isn't saying anything.
- You've insulted him by
rushing into business.
The Japanese like to
be entertained first.
- You want to bet?
$20 says you're wrong.
You're on
Mr Yamamoto
You're an avid golf enthusiast
perhaps you can
tell me something.
Why does Arnold Palmer
always wear two sweaters?
In case he gets a hole-in-one.
He's as cold as sushi.
Didn't even crack a smile.
- Something the
matter, Mr. Yamamoto?
that eyesore.
Of course
We would never build our
resort next to that dump.
I will have acquired
that property
by the end of the week,
we'll bulldoze right over it.
Face it, Michelle,
she's a strange girl.
She's not acting herself.
So what?
You haven't been yourself
since Reagan took office.
you're nuts.
Now I know where Ella gets it.
sometimes
you make me so mad-
- What?
Michelle, put the
welder's torch down.
Michelle, put it down!
Sean
Sean
Where did I go wrong?
What are you calling
this work of art, Mom?
- You'll probably
guess in a sec.
Here, help me with this, okay?
Hold that
So, what's the tale
of that bonny putter
and the stone out back?
Why don't we take a break, okay?
- Okay
- That was your
old man's putter.
- I don't believe it.
- it's true.
Your pop was one of the greatest
amateur golfers on the planet.
I followed him around
like he was Jerry Garcia
from tournament to tournament.
Man, what a trip that was.
So, why does he gripe
about golf so much?
he kinda burnt
out of the Pro-Am finals
at Pebble Beach.
Man, that was a bad scene.
See
The top 2 golfers
of the tournament
would get to do their
thing at the PGA circuit.
It was your dad's lifelong dream
to get a gig as a pro golfer.
Well, your Uncle
Hal was already in
with a seven under par.
Well anyway, your
father only had to sink
a 4 foot putt to be
able to go pro too.
Everything looked totally cool.
- So, what happened, Mom?
- Well, dig this.
Your father normally had
nerves made of iced tea.
But just as he made his
putt, a bird chirped.
Well, it was more like a
freaky squeak actually,
and your father missed his putt.
Man, it was a total bummer.
He's never been able to pick up
a golf club since that day.
- What a shame.
Yeah, it's a
bummer, man, real bummer.
So what about the putter?
Well, I'm getting to that.
As you know, your Uncle Hal
was willed the country club,
and your father
inherited this pad.
Anyway
All the castles and
the moats and stuff
gave me this far out inspiration
to create the putter
in the concrete.
You know, like Excalibur,
King Arthur's sword.
Well, I hope that it
would inspire your father
to get it together
and golf again.
Well, my masterpiece
had the opposite vibe.
He hated that club so much
he dumped a scrap
load of metal on it.
- And that's how the mini
putt became a scrapyard.
Mom, why didn't you
tell me this before?
- Well, honey, your dad
didn't want you to know.
He thought that you'd think
he was a total failure.
Anyway, help me with this.
Here we go.
Now, can you tell what it is?
- Is it another
sculpture of Uncle Hal?
No
It's a Brachiosaurus.
This symbolizes
how our mini putt
has gone the way
of the dinosaur.
So has our home.
How true that is.
beasties.
Do you want some haggis?
What are you devils up to?
Smashing idea, beasties!
hole in one!
- This is much more fun
than playing bridge!
- And Marco Polo.
- How's this thing work?
- That'll be $3, laddie.
no, let me see
if I can break a 20.
I'm talking about making change
you little beasties.
Good thing I have
me Scotch tape.
Here you go
Want the yellow ball?
When the old man wakes up,
you're gonna be
in major trouble.
Stop your fretting, Heath.
He'll be merry when he finds out
how much money I'm making.
- With 5 customers?
Not
I plan to make a
bundle on concessions.
Look, here comes a customer now.
- What do you have to eat?
- We have a special on haggis.
- What's haggis?
- You'll love it.
I'll give you a free sample.
Here you go
One order of haggis.
- If I were you, I'd skip
the haggis, little man.
- Heath.
- You'd make more
dinero selling tickets
to your bagpipe
concert, all right?
Ciao
- Ella
What's going on here?
I thought I said no golf!
Here
Let me have that stupid thing
Putt putt golf and a floor show
This is comedy club
compared to country club
- Dad, I was just
trying to help you out
a wee bit with
paying the bank loan.
Would you give me
a blooming chance?
I can earn some more money.
forget it!
Maybe I should sell
this place, I hate golf.
- That's not true, Dad.
I know you love golf,
and I know you're
a great golfer.
And I want to be as good as you.
I want you to teach me.
But we can't do that we
if we lose this home.
And there's something
else you should know,
I had a little help
fixing up the park
They're miniature dinosaurs.
I don't know where
they came from.
I know you hate
animals, so please-
- You want me to
keep the putt putt
and these dinosaurs?
What do you think
this is, Dino Putt?
Hey, wait a minute, that's it!
Dino Putt!
We'll make a fortune
where'd they come from?
I just love happy endings
Rock Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Bruce Lee, he can't
take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny screaming won't
you save me please
Rock Godzilla down
We're gonna rock
We're gonna Rock
Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Call the army and
the National Guard
Keep this guy out
of my front yard
He's a party crasher
and a well known drag
Beady eyes and a tail to wag
He wrecked the house
and you know it's true
Keep on dancing before
the night is through
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Godzilla
We've got very good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Real Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Roofs are leaking,
can't take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny's screaming,
won't you save me please
Rock Godzilla
down to his knees
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Call the army and
the National Guard
Keep this guy
outta my front yard
He's a party crasher
and a well known drag
Beady eyes and a tail to wag
He'll wreck the house
and you know it's true
Keep on dancing before
the night is through
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Rock Godzilla
We've got plenty
good rockin' tonight
We've got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's roll
Godzilla
Yeah
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Hey, Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Rock
Godzilla
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Let's rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's roll
Rock Godzilla
Let's roll
Rock Godzilla
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
[whimsical music]
[boys laughing]
- That was funnier than the time
we dropped the Baby Ruth bars
in the bottom of the pool
So, when's the floor show?
- Floor show?
What are you talking about?
- You know, the comedy after
you fall into the moat
- That was a one time
command performance.
- How bout her?
She's quite a Betty.
sorry, no floor show.
That was the best
part about being here.
- Well, hey, wait a minute.
Where you going?
We got something even better.
Try out one of our
complimentary Dino Burgers.
Serve 'em up, four
hungry golfers,
hot off the griddle.
You can't beat 'em, huh?
- These are great!
- You like 'em?
Tell your friends!
Hey, they're selling
like hot cakes.
What are you putting
in those burgers?
- Haggis helper.
- Business is going great.
A few more days like
this and we'll be able
to make the bank payment.
- You know, you're right.
Hey, let me try one
of those Dino Burgers.
- Putter!
Putter!
- Hey man, carrying
the golf clubs
around again today?
What happened to your golf cart?
- Would you very kindly shut up?
You are louder than the noise
from that miniature golf course
owned by that dreadful
deadbeat loser.
He's not a loser, okay?
My dad was one of the
best amateur golfers
to ever play the game.
Pfft, he's a wicked
better golfer
than you'll ever
be, Hackmeister.
- How dare you address
me in that manner!
What kind of caddy are you?
- A retired caddy.
I'm not lugging around
30 pounds of iron
in 90 degree heat for
some uppity twink anymore.
I'm truckin'.
- Where do you
think you're going?
- To the putt putt to get
a real job, Needlenose.
- You pick those
clubs up now, boy.
- You pick 'em up.
- Impotence of the man!
Did you hear what he said?
How dare he.
jolly good!
I can play through
with your caddy now.
- All right, I know I was
a major dooker to you Ella,
but I'll do anything to get
a job around here, okay?
Anything?
- Hey, dudes, the
benefits are great!
Maybe I should
give cycling a try.
I'm washed up as a golfer.
you're wrong now, lassie.
You make a mighty fine golfer.
You just gotta learn
the secrets of the game,
then you'll be loggin'.
Dad
- Now your stroke is perfect,
but your noggin' isn't.
You think too much.
Choose one happy thought
and keep it in your
skull whenever you putt.
Now go ahead, try it again.
Happy thought.
Happy thought
Bonny shot
And what was your happy
thought, Daughter?
- I pictured you picking
up a golf club again.
well I say you have
an active imagination.
How about a dram of ginger?
- Urn Brew
Imported from Scotland.
My favorite.
Cheers to us, and those like us.
Darn few, they're all
dead and more's a pity.
- Ha, well put!
now that's good.
I know dinosaurs may
be good for business,
but I'm not so sure I
like them as pets, lass
- Needlemeyer.
Mr. Yamamoto has not
said one word all day.
- They say laughter
is the best medicine.
Try another one of
my jokes on him.
Here's a good one.
Who makes the best golfers?
Belly dancers, because they
never move their heads
He's been staring
out at that miserable
miniature golf
course all day long.
- The putt putt has
been busy all day,
the profits must
be astronomical.
- I need to get my
hands on that eyesore
before Mr. Yamamoto decides
to withdraw his investment
in the Hal MacGregor
Golf Pro Resort and Spa,
you understand me, Needlemeyer?
Needlemeyer, straighten
up and fly right.
I want you to fix it so
that mini putt goes bye bye
- Ah, this stuff may
smell like my grandmother,
but the deep heating
rub feels so good.
- What's up, Madonna?
no
Needlemeyer
Good of you to
beam down, Scotty.
Now I can kick your anus.
- This will be more
fun than when the Scots
beat the English in the
Battle of Bannockburn
Take that!
- I don't think so.
Get the point?
- Your spikes are
as short and as dull
as the stubble on your face.
- You really burn me up.
So, I think I'll
return the favor
- I guess something
else caught on fire
- I don't know.
They looked like
little dinosaurs
But they
They could've been rats
- Rats, you say?
Needlemeyer, zip up your fly
Ugh.
Get a grip, man
We've got something
important to do.
Come on, kids.
Nice shot.
How many are you on this hole?
- You better appreciate
this, because I hate animals,
even though you are
cute little dinosaurs.
Critters are always making
squeaky noises that I hate.
Get in there and keep quiet.
Ella, take this.
What's going on?
It's the critters, hide them.
Well!
Howdy, howdy.
Care for a game, sir?
- George Stutts.
Department of Public Health.
We've received a tip
that there may be
a possible vermin
infestation on this premises.
- Hal
- Ah, you should
thank your brother.
Rats can pose an
enormous health hazard.
- Believe me, there are no rats
or any other animals
on these premises,
I make sure of that.
no, no.
I can't stand critters
of any shape or size.
Tell the man that, Hal.
- Sorry, Tom, this place
is a health hazard.
I bet Stutts would
find more mice here
than at Disneyland.
- This ball is covered
with teeth marks.
See?
Larger than anything
I've ever seen before
This is a big problem.
Massive problem
Attention.
Attention.
These premises must be cleared.
This putt putt has
been quarantined
by the Department
of Public Health.
Let's move, people!
- What a gyp!
I want my money back!
Look
First no floor
show, and now this
Hurry back, gentleman.
- This is a
handheld, ultrasonic,
bio-audio receiving device.
Yeah, you can't buy one of
those babies in Radio Shack.
- How does this work?
It's an ultra-sensitive
microphone, Hal!
With it, I can hear
the breath, heartbeat,
or growl of any creature
within a hundred yard radius
Strange.
You're not registering
a heartbeat, Hal
Must be my nerves of steel
- But Thomas, your
heart is just racing.
Are you nervous about something?
Of course not
Well
Try and relax.
I'll find your rat
problem in no time
Bingo!
I found you, you little vermin.
Right category, wrong species.
What are you doing here, kid?
I just wanted to
play another round.
really?
What's going on?
Helping out little
critters is one thing,
but I never thought
I'd be doing this
- Wait, wait, wait
a second, hold it.
I'm getting something.
fantastic.
Would you listen to
all those squeaks?
Hal, Hal, Hal, come, look, look.
That's unbelievable.
Wait a minute, oh,
massive, massive.
Massive vermin
activity taking place.
But where?
In the house!
It's in the house
Strange
Pretty strange
The signal was
pinning the needle
but I couldn't find
any rats anywhere
They must've dispersed
when they saw me approach.
That's it, yeah, that's it
These premises are
under strict quarantine
until I can come back
with some equipment
that's a little less
primitive than this.
Strange, very strange
Tough break, Thomas
Just when you had a chance
to pay back your loan
Listen, you're still my brother,
and even though there is
a vermin problem here,
my offer still stands
to buy the property.
I'll never sell
Just think about it
The deck is stacked against you,
you don't want to blow it again.
Don't listen to him, Thomas
Beautiful approach shot.
Nice pitch to the green here.
It looks like he's
got, what do you say,
about an 18 footer?
A little over 17
Okay
Looks like a slight
break to the left here,
he's probably gonna push
it just to the left edge.
These greens are fairly fast.
It will be a tricky one.
Here we go.
He's
addressing the ball
It's moving
Just heartbreaking.
Poor Dad
He lost the golf
tournament to Uncle Hal,
now he's gonna
lose the mini putt?
If we just knew what
Uncle Hal was up to,
we might be able
to do something.
Did you know plaid was
originally designed
by the Scottish as camouflage?
Who cares?
I can't believe you
talked me into this.
Be thankful for Dad's kilt.
It might help you hide.
I look like a mega dork
Relax
Didn't you know Axl Rose
sometimes wears a kilt?
- Axl Rose as in Guns & Roses?
Cool
Why did we bring these
guys along anyway?
- They can be a big
help in a tight spot.
Quick
Hide, Heath?
Where?
Use your kilt!
- I hate patrolling
without the golf carts.
my legs are tired.
What?
Let's bag this and build
a castle in the sand trap!
that's a great idea
These kilts are pretty cool.
A little drafty though.
Please, pardon our
plebeian surroundings.
When Hal MacGregor Golf Pro
Resort and Spa is built,
we'll have a giant dining
room and grand ballroom
Excellent.
I'm starved.
I haven't eaten all day.
I love sushi, don't you?
Needlemeyer
Who's that guy with Uncle Hal?
I don't know
Wayne Newton?
You are not going
to eat with us.
I have enough problems as it is
I think Mr. Yamamoto is going
to withdraw his investment
unless I can get my
hands on that miserable
mini putt in a hurry.
Now, the last thing I need
is you embarrassing me
with your problem.
come on, just
a couple of bites.
Get outta here
And stay away from the sodas,
you know what that does to ya
Where did Elvis and Paula go?
Elvis, no
I misjudged you, Mr. Yamamoto.
You do have a sense of humor.
Paula, don't do it
I get it
This is a test
Humility is a great
virtue in your society.
You want to see
how humble I can be
before you partner with me?
Thank you, Yamamoto-san, please,
dump on me some more.
Thank you
I'm your humble servant
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion.
Just catch your breath
and walk it off.
Excuse me a moment.
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion.
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion.
You
I knew it all along
You're just the people
I want to talk to.
I have an offer
you can't refuse.
- Forget it.
- You haven't even heard it yet.
- Let me guess.
You want us to talk our
dad into selling you
the mini putt
Bright girl
And in return, I can
fulfill your dreams.
Heath.
How would you like that most
righteous electric guitar?
- How did you know?
- Nothing escapes my eye.
I learned it as a pro golfer,
always know the lay of the land.
I'll buy you that guitar,
and you can have your
old caddy job back
at twice the pay.
In no time, you'll
be able to finance
your own rock band, go on tour.
You'll have what you want most.
Appreciation for that now
untapped artistic talent,
and escape from that
miserable dump of a mini putt.
And you, Ella
Your dream of
being a pro golfer,
I can make it happen,
I can get you lessons
with PGA golfers
I'll sponsor you, you'll travel
to all the amateur tournaments.
And when the time comes,
you'll have a friend
on the rules committee
to get you in to the men's tour
and that fabled British Open.
You'll have the respect
that you deserve.
- Forget it.
- Don't blow this big
chance like your father did,
think it over.
No matter how much you
fix up that miserable
miniature golf course of yours,
all it'll ever be is
a mecca for kiddies,
loser duffers, and
low class hackers.
Let's face it.
Mini putt is the
freak show of golf.
- And you're the
dark prince of golf.
You don't love the
sport like I do,
you only want to
exploit it for money.
I'll never turn.
Come on, Heath.
- I'm sorry, Ella,
Uncle Hal here
spoke some righteous words.
I think we should
cut our losses.
- If you do this now,
in one way or another,
you're gonna be
carrying baggage for him
for the rest of your life.
Let me go
You need a reality check, Dad
You're gonna lose
the property anyway.
Why don't you just sell
it to Uncle Hal now,
at least you'll get
a bunch of dinero.
Uncle Hal has him
under his thumb.
If we sell the mini putt
we'll be just like he
Well, I hate to admit it
but we don't have any
other choice, Ella
Your father's right
I'm sorry, dear
There must be
something else we can do
I don't get it.
Putt?
One word
One syllable
Sounds like
Pet
Jet?
Debt
Bet
I get it.
Dad, make a bet with Uncle Hal.
This Japanese guy
has him desperate
to get his hands
on our property.
- Well, what good
is that gonna do us?
- If Uncle Hal wins, we
sell him the property.
If he loses, he pays
off our bank loan.
- Do you think he'll
really go for it?
- Definitely.
Uncle Hal's addicted
to gambling.
- What's the bet?
- A game of miniature golf.
Winner takes all
no forget it
Uncle Hal's a golf pro
I haven't touched
a club in 15 years.
Forget it
Then I'll play him
You said I was pretty good.
And I know the course
better than anyone.
I said no, and this time
I want you to listen to me.
- But why?
- Because I don't want
what happened to me
to happen to you.
When I missed that
putt 15 years ago,
I didn't just lose
the tournament,
I lost my spirit.
Ella
Why'd you have to
miss that stupid putt?
Why?
Stupid putter.
This is all your fault
I won't lose, I promise.
That's the bet?
It's more like a killing
It was all my idea too
Excellent
Your sister doesn't stand
a chance against me
Hal MacGregor, golf pro.
Tell your father I accept.
Needlemeyer.
You remember that
little arrangement
we cooked up at the Kemper Open?
I want you to set it up
You're going to cheat?
I thought you said
this was a sure thing
I probably won't have to
she's only a young girl
I just want a little
insurance policy, that's all
Uncle Hal, I almost forgot
could we pick up that
guitar after the match?
- Do you think he heard the part
about the insurance policy?
I don't know.
But I'll find out
- Is it safe?
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Is it safe?
it's safe,
it's safe as it's ever gonna be
Just don't do it,
please, come on
- Is it safe?
- No, no, it's not safe.
I mean, I don't know!
- Well, if you don't know
whether it's safe or not,
I have to at least
know that you're loyal.
You have to become one of us.
No
- Where's Dad?
- He's too nervous to watch.
He's waiting inside, honey.
this is gonna
be a real nail biter.
Pardon me, I mean tail biter
Needlemeyer
While everyone is
watching the first round,
you wire up the 18th hole.
Roger
Guests first
You got your dad's old putter.
What's that for, luck?
This is great!
It's so exciting.
Even my parents decided
not to play golf today.
Come on, Ella
Come on,
honey, you can do it.
What's the matter?
Can't sleep?
[dinosaur chattering]
Thanks
I need as many
fans as I can get
Think your happy thoughts
Beginner's luck.
Ella's up a stroke!
All right
- I love the smell of
AstroTurf in the morning.
Smells like victory
Son
You take a tip from a pro.
Poise under pressure, that's
the mark of a champion
What drama, what suspense
Lucky putter!
I don't know, Madonna.
It's getting harder and
harder to keep a happy thought
in my head when I put
All right
I'll do my best
honey
Ella's down a stroke.
no
I think the pressure's
getting to her.
She's gotta have somebody
She's gotta have
it all today
She's gotta have somebody
She's gonna do
it all her way
It's not if you win or lose
But winning's the
only game to chose
When you're somebody
If you're somebody
- It's all tied up.
I'm so nervous, I hope I
don't toss my Dino Burger.
Poise under pressure.
Poise under pressure
You'll be fine
Poise under pressure
You spoke too soon, Uncle Hal
Don't count your chickens
before they hatch
They might turn
out to be birdies
I'll have to
remember that one
I'm sorry, Ella
It's not your fault
It's in your blood to
choke under pressure
Wait a minute.
Let me have that remote
Look at this.
Frame 161, I'm
getting ready to putt.
There's one tree in front of me,
the only tree within 50 yards.
Frame 190
There are no birds present
in that tree at this time.
Frame 220, Hal joins the
crowd on the grassy knoll.
Frame 232, I begin to putt.
Frame 260, the fatal
chirp rings out,
my head flinches
towards the noise.
But look at this.
I don't look right
towards the tree
where the only birds
could possibly be,
but back and to the left,
towards the grassy knoll.
See?
Back and to the left.
Back and to the left.
Back and to the left.
My putt was pronounced
dead on arrival
and so was my PGA career.
But this proves it was
not a lone bird chirp.
It was a conspiracy
Do it, love
Dad
Sorry to interrupt
your putt, Ella
I just didn't think it
was right for Uncle Hal
to be smoking during your shot.
What's that got
to do with anything?
- We're gonna make
history repeat itself.
- That was then, this is now.
She's still gotta sink the putt.
Are you all right, Ella?
We can cancel this
whole thing right now.
I can do it
My happy thought just came true
you know you were right
This feels good
Okay, Ella
Let's see that
nice, easy stroke.
Be quiet
Stay calm, Ella
No
See how easy it is?
- So, why'd you
come back and help?
- Well, let's just say I had
a close shave at Uncle Hal's,
and I realized I was
becoming just like
one of those biff tads
Hi there, folks
Say I was just wondering,
has anybody seen any
dinosaurs around here?
Does the word "duh"
mean anything to you?
- Yeah, as a matter
of fact, it does.
Considering how
many times I've lost
those little ol' critters.
Well, I'm off.
I hope I don't lose them again.
- Tell him to wait, wait, wait.
Wait!
- I thought you already
said goodbye to them.
No
I was inside giving them
a going away present.
Well, they're gone.
I know
Hey, Mr. Cranston.
Mr. Cranston, wait up!
Wait up
Mr Cranston
I'm glad I caught you guys.
I wanted to say goodbye
and I wanted
to give you this
I thought you might want
some music for the ride home.
Bye, Mr Cranston.
Okay
- Just relax.
Ah, how about a
round of putt putt?
Smashing
That sounds like a bonny time.
- Oh, don't tell me
you're gonna start
rapping bogus about, Bee Girl.
- Look who's talking.
Okay
How about this?
Bonjour, Papa
I've been studying
your property all week.
I want to build a resort
around your golf course.
It will be the biggest
putt putt in the world!
And of course, we'll need more
of these magnificent sculptures.
No problem
- We'll build one in
Tokyo, and Russia too.
They're in great need
of good, cheap fun.
Well, we're game
You're a funny man
So do we have a deal?
There's one condition.
what's that?
Room service will have to
deliver these Dino Burgers
24 hours a day
Real Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Bruce Lee, he can't
take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny's screaming
won't you save me please
Rock Godzilla
down to his knees
We're gonna rock
We're gonna Rock
Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Call the army and
the National Guard
Keep this guy out
of my front yard
He's a party crasher
and a well known drag
Beady eyes and a tail to wag
He'll wreck the house
and you know it's true
Keep on dancing before
the night is through
We're gonna rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Real Godzilla is
rockin' tonight
Whole downtown's
going up in lights
Roofs are leaking,
can't take much more
Here comes Johnny
running through the door
Johnny's screaming
won't you save me please
Rock Godzilla
down to his knees
We're gonna rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
We're gonna roll
Godzilla
We got plenty good
rockin' tonight
We got everything
that you want
Wop jop flip flop,
baba do wobble
Let's rock
Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla tonight
Let's rock
Rock Godzilla
Rock Godzilla
Tonight
All right, boys