Pretty Ugly People (2008) Movie Script
1
Hi. How you doing?
Good. How are you?
Fine. Thank you.
What can I get for you?
Um, can I get a...
A bean-and-cheese burrito-
- and a small diet Pepsi, Please?
Okay.
Actually, could you make that
three bean-and-cheese burritos?
And does the gordita...
Does that have meat on it?
You want that bean?
Yes, Please. That'd be great.
Can I just get like two of
those Gorditas, then, Please?
Anything else?
Oh, and an apple pie.
Okay.
Can...
Can I get two of those?
Hi. Can I help you?
Um, two garden salads, Please.
Okay. Anything else with that?
Um, two sundaes, Please.
Okay. What kind of sundaes?
Um, hot fudge, Please.
Okay. Sure. Anything else?
Can I get two large french fries?
Sure. Anything else?
And what is else good?
Oh!
How about two orders of
the 12-piece cheesy tots?
Hi. I'm Lucy.
Look, I just... I want everyone-
- to know that up until the day I died,
I was a vegetarian.
And I was fat.
I'm talking two-airplane-seats fat.
Fuck.
But I did have five very cool,
very pretty friends...
...Becky, Raye...
...George, Trevor...
And Austin.
Now...
If, in fact, you are a fat ass-
- and you would like to stay friends-
- with a group of very pretty
people, several rules apply.
Number one, always eat in private-
- so your weight will remain a mystery.
Number two, always dress
in workout clothes so that...
...you know, they'll think you're trying.
Number three,
be Sure to keep them laughing-
- because humor is very thinning.
Oh!
And rule number four...
And this is the most important one...
...always answer the
phone on the first ring...
Hello?
...because, honestly,
the fat friend is replaceable.
Although a vegetarian,
I did have one exception.
I could never give up hot dogs...
All-beef, plump, and juicy.
I'm a hot dog
Sitting in the fog
Waiting for my day
in the sun
And though I Miss you
Unfortunately, hot dogs
couldn't sing at my funeral,
- but I knew who would.
It had been a long time since I'd seen her,
- but if there was anyone-
- who could bring us all back together...
...it was Becky.
Hello?
Running late!
Hello? Hello?!
Mom, is this you?!
- No. It's Lucy.
- Lucy who?
Hey, becks.
Wait. "Lucinda" Lucy?
Oh, my god! How are you?!
I don't have a lot of time, Becky.
Oh, I'm sor...
Well, what's wrong, honey?
It's almost over.
Can you help me, Please?
Well...
...okay. O...
...okay.
Can you take a breath?
Lucy, I'm so sorry.
No. What is it?
Okay.
Uh, guys, can you Please settle down?
Open your books to chapter 14.
Of course, honey.
Mm-hmm.
No. I mean, what...
Yeah, whatever you need.
Okay. Just leave it to me.
All right.
Okay. The rules of reproduction.
Kelsey, get the lights, Please.
Respect, understand, learn,
- and when you're ready and
you feel it's your time, enjoy sex.
There's nothing funny up here, people.
Come on, Becky. It's Lucy.
How sick?
Really, really sick.
I was gonna ask her how sick.
She was hysterical.
Come on.
With her weight, it could be anything.
What's wrong with her?
She was vague but real upset.
Yaah. Naturally.
You know, she said there
wasn't much time left.
That's why she has to get us all together.
Hello, ladies.
Look, Becky, I got to go.
I got to fly 400 people
to Rome in 45 minutes.
Raye, she booked a beautiful lodge for us.
And we'll all be together again.
It'll be great!
And it's free!
Come on, honey.
They got big bugs in Montana.
Lucy spent six weeks calling
every student on campus-
- until you were elected
student-body president.
I Have an election coming up this fall,
- not to mention a newborn. I...
Raye jr., right?
Did you get the, uh,
the day gown I sent him?
You didn't get a "thank you" note.
I Was just wondering if it fits.
Okay. All right.
Look, you know what?
Let me talk to Mary,
- and, uh, Raye jr.
Thanks you for the pajamas.
It's a day gown.
Can't we just split a "pick me up"
bouquet and be done with it?
She's pulled the death card,
George. We got to go.
Hey, guys.
My friend here won the Grammy.
That little trophy fix
your pussy situation?
Sorry about sheila.
I Got no complaints.
Well, I got a boat on the lake, Trev.
Hooking pussy is as easy as clubbing seals.
Are you coming to Montana or what, man?
I Don't buy it.
Remember her heart attack?
That turned out to be a gas bubble?
And how about that, uh, hernia-
- she claimed she had her junior year?
Oh, yeah. Until you convinced
her that it was prostate cancer.
So, then George-
- talks her through a
rectal exam over the phone.
It was terrible.
An educated 20-year-old woman
thought she had a prostate?
Well, she was in love.
She was blind.
How else do you explain it?
Ma'am, you cannot have that on board.
Hmm?
Do we look Arab to you?
Give me the puffy paint.
I'm gonna expect that
back when we land.
I'm gonna write a letter...
In puffy paint.
See how she likes that.
Poor Lucy must have spent 30 minutes-
- trying to find that prostate.
You know, and George had her
on speakerphone, you know,
- so the whole fraternity could listen in.
You know, it's not funny.
Not funny?
Brother, did you not hear
the story you just told?
Please, call me "Raye," Mary.
Sure...
Brother Raye.
Want all those done by the time we land.
You know what?
Why don't you write the
damn things yourself?
They're your friends.
- It's your job.
- My job?
Yaah. Your job.
I Mean, giving a little boy a nightgown.
It's a day gown.
Oh, and she said to wash it in cold.
It ain't ever leaving the box.
Her husband's coming, too, right?
I've told you that five times already.
He bringing his day gown?
Okay. Don't start with me, Mary.
You're so noble to rush
to her side like this.
Most men I know wouldn't.
That's what life's about, right?
Mm-hmm.
You're single, right?
UH, yeah. I-I am.
I'm... I'm single.
See?
Oh. You, too?
Yaah.
Cheers.
Well, let me let the
airline buy you another.
That's awfully nice of you.
I know.
I thought you pilots flew
first class when off duty.
Well, we... We do,
- but the airline was
able to sell out at first,
- so I gave up my seat
'cause we need every penny.
Oh.
Well...
As long as there's a coupon
in here from the airline-
- for motels in Missoula...
I mean, think about it.
We were complete morons in college.
Void of the foresight to pick a career,
- much less lifelong friends.
We try to keep in touch, right?
But it's all such bullshit.
And the goddamn Christmas cards...
Fucking corny words,
the ugly kids in matching outfits.
You know, family.
Where's your parents?
They're dead.
They leave you a lot of money?
Some.
That's what I'm talking about.
Pound it down.
Ooh, captain.
- Ooh, beautiful.
- Austin?
Hi.
I hate to do this, but barb is so sick.
She's eight weeks and just
threw up all over the galley.
Look, I know you're on vacation,
- but we're about
to start second service.
Could you be a doll
and pinch-hit for Barb?
You're a flight attendant?
You're damn straight he is.
Oh, my god!
- I'll take that.
- Uh, yeah.
And how about a pillow, captain?
We hope you enjoyed
your stay in Montana,
- where big skies meet
even bigger possibilities.
Oh, my god. He came.
Be nice.
Hi.
- George.
- Becks.
Oh!
- You look good!
- Yeah.
Jesus Christ, Becky.
Halloween's not for like two months.
Oh, no.
No. This...
This represents fall, not Halloween.
This is good from,
you know, the fall equinox-
- all the way to thanksgiving day.
Everybody knows that.
No, they don't.
- Hey, you.
- Oh!
Oh. Oh.
Hey, Austin. How goes it, man?
You got any peanuts there?
I'm starving.
Why don't you, uh, go meet Richard?
Who?
Grandfather time over there?
Just be nice.
God!
I swear to god,
- you get better-looking
every time I see you,
- and I just keep acquiring baby weight.
What, you're pregnant?!
No. That's my point.
So, uh, Becky tells me
you're a commodities trader.
Yaah. Yeah.
I got a knack for pork bellies
and natural-gas futures...
Farting pigs, I like to call them.
Been a hell of a couple years.
So, are you traveling alone,
or are you with someone special?
- Ah, it's just me.
- Oh.
You know what, sweetie?
Your person's out there.
You're gonna find somebody.
I just know it.
I'm not worried, so...
Oh, good-
- let me get this.
Special person, huh?
Let the pronouns begin.
You're the principal for,
uh, Becky's school, right?
I'm the principal of the school-
- at which Becky and I are both employed.
- That's correct.
- Mm.
Look who we found!
- Congressman Raye Denis.
- Hi.
My pleasure.
I'm Becky's husband, Richard.
All. Richard.
It's, uh, nice to meet you.
Congressman Denis? Shit.
'Round here, we call him "penis Denis."
That's nice, George.
Even bigger possibilities.
I Reckon y'all are the
friends of Miss Lucy.
Causin' there's you two blacks,
is how I knew.
Don't get many blacks around here.
I'm Sam. I'm with the lodge.
Come on.
Miss Lucy's got beers waiting on you.
What about Trevor?
Miss Lucy said I was just getting you four-
- and the two blacks.
Now let's get.
I can't be driving at night.
I'll be glad to drive for you, Sam.
I have acute night vision,
- as well as a valid commercial license.
My eyes are fine, jackass.
Bus ain't got no lights.
Please return to your vehicle.
Come on.
Let's get a beer and shut up.
Youngest black U.S.
Representative in history?
Now you're going for the senate.
I'm proud of you, Raye.
Thanks, thumper.
Tell me, why am I still
sitting in the back of the bus?
Raye, you... You really can't
call me "thumper" anymore.
- Oh, my god!
- What?
Stop the bus!
Richard! Oh, god. Look at the fish!
I Plan on paying off the condo in a year.
You should see it, Austin...
...23rd floor,
3.500-square-foot corner unit.
Lake on one side, skyline on the other.
Oprah lives in my building.
But I'm higher up.
I'm doing great. Yeah.
Thanks, man.
- What?
- Oh, no.
I just thought maybe you
wanted to know how I was doing-
- and how my job is...
- Yeah.
...if I'm seeing a person.
Sure, man.
I mean, you know, you're a steward.
I know the story.
Still a steward, right?
Or flight attendant, you know.
Whichever works, but, yeah.
And my person?
Mm...
Well, uh, that's your business.
I'm all ears if I have to be.
I'm not gay, George.
Let's get!
Fat girls
Talking about cardio
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
Fat girls
Talking about cardio
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
They don't
They don't even know
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
They don't
They don't even know
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
Here we go.
Watch your step.
Thank you.
You folks go on around back.
I'll get everything inside for you.
Becky.
I Will do it.
And I wish you would stop telling me...
...must be some kind
of wild west hospice.
And this is where she plans to die.
I Would. This place is pimp.
Pimp?
Um, it's like "spectacular," honey.
Why couldn't she just say that?
'Cause English is the forgotten language...
My friend.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh!
That's some shit.
Ooh, cheese.
I bet it's complimentary.
Five hours on a bus, and all
we get is some damn cheese?
Hello. Welcome to the Holland lake lodge.
Well, you must be my next ex-girlfriend.
Please ignore him.
Can we get into our rooms?
Honey, is there a bathroom nearby?
You okay?
It's me.
Ooh!
Oh, my god. Lucy?!
- Oh. Lucy?
- Holy shit!
- Lucy!
- She's beautiful.
Oh! Look at you!
Look at your hair and your body!
Oh, my god. Your breasts!
- Look at her tits.
- Look at your breasts!
- Aah!
- Oh!
Well, don't just stand there.
- Oh, my god!
- Wow.
J... I... Hi.
Hi.
- Oh!
- Oh. Lucy.
Oh, yes.
Hello.
Uh, you're not sick at all, are you?
I Knew she wasn't dying.
God!
Damn it!
Okay.
Oh.
- Whoo!
- Oh, my god.
She was in love with George?
That's what Raye said.
He said he took her virginity.
- Oh, no.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
Poor thing.
He's here!
I knew he'd make it.
Motherfuckin' three had a
concert in Miami last night,
- so he got a late start.
Motherfuckin' three?
Go, Trevor.
Motherfuckin' three?
Oh, it's a band, honey...
Uh, hip-hop.
You know, Trevor produces them.
Remember? He won the Grammy.
We don't listen to motherfuckin' three.
It took about two years
to get all the weight off.
That's why my McDonald's
stock went south.
All right. Come on, George.
- And my ice-cream futures.
- Dude.
No. It's okay.
He can make all the
fat jokes he wants to.
All of you can.
Now I really don't care.
How'd you lose it?
Burned a hole in those
"sweatin' to the oldies" tapes,
- didn't you?
I had gastric bypass surgery...
The week before your wedding,
which is why I wasn't there.
I'm sorry.
Oh. No worries.
You know, there are others at this table-
- that didn't make it
to the wedding either.
I was with her, Raye.
No, no, no.
Wait a second.
- You knew she wasn't dying?
- You knew about this?
"She's pulling the death card.
We got to go."
I Stayed with Trevor for the
two weeks after my surgery.
He gave me 'round-the-clock care.
- I owe Trevor my life.
- Well...
She didn't want to get
it in Des Moines, so...
She got the best Manhattan has to offer.
Lucy, why all the stories?
Why didn't you just tell us the truth?
What stories?
Honey, you said you were dying.
I'm sorry.
I never said I was dying.
I told you that I didn't have much time.
You were crying.
When did crying become fatal?
Okay. I'll bite.
Not much time for what?
Until I reach my goal weight.
I have 4 more pounds to lose,
- and I intend to do it
with all of you here.
Un-fucking-believable, Lucy.
Well, I've always heard those
surgeries are dangerous.
Being obese is what's dangerous, Becky.
No, she didn't.
Mary and I may have a
little extra baby weight,
- but no one here is obese.
Shouldn't your kid be in college by now?
Wha... She never said
that you were obese.
And I never said I had any baby
weight to lose either, Becky.
That is not what I meant, Becky.
I love you.
And, Mary, I hope that we can grow-
- to love each other, too, one day.
But more than anything...
...I love our memories.
Those memories are
what gave me the strength-
- to have the surgery in the first place.
I mean, over the years,
whenever I was unhappy,
- which was a lot of the time,
I would go back,
- and I would look at
all of our old pictures.
And, I mean, I was unhappy, you know,
- in a lot of those pictures, too,
- but at least I remembered
having hope, and then...
And then when we all split apart,
- it was like that hope
split apart, too, and...
Without all of you guys around, I just...
...I didn't care anymore, and I just...
...I just kept getting bigger
and bigger, and then...
And now I'm...
...I'm getting smaller and smaller,
- and in a way,
when the last 4 pounds are gone,
- the old me will die, and...
...I'll be surrounded by all of you,
- and the cycle will be complete.
Hear, hear.
Could it get any fucking better than this?
- Come on, George.
- You know what, Lucy?
Oprah lives in my building.
Next homeowners' meeting,
I'm gonna tell her about you.
She couldn't write this shit if she tried.
Jesus, George.
We all know Oprah lives
in your building, okay?
We also know how much money you make-
- and... And...
And how many girls you sleep with.
You know what, Lucy?
You know what the best part-
- about you getting
skinny all of a sudden is?
You don't have to be a fag hag anymore.
Oh, my god.
Does Oprah really live in his building?
Wow!
Wow!
Good night, Trevor.
Good night, Raye.
Good night, Raye.
Yeah?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I come in?
Sure.
Sweet dreams, everybody.
You look beautiful.
Thanks, Raye.
And I think it's great that
you have lost all this weight.
Almost all.
Yaah. okay.
Here's the situation.
I think if you would have
been up front with all of us,
- we could have found
a better time to come.
Raye...
There never is a better time.
Lucy, I'm really proud of you.
I'm... So proud of you.
But I can't stay.
Look, it's j... It's just a real
tough time for all of us,
- for me and George and Austin, Becky.
I mean, you know, it's life crap.
But...
Trevor's here, right?
Raye, how long have
we all known each other?
Well, in all that time from
way back then up until now,
- have I asked you to do anything?
Any of you, ever?
No.
Then Please stay.
Please.
How about a little nightcap?
I'm good. Thanks.
I love motherfuckin' three.
Thank you.
Mm.
"Fed my bitch a blade" is my favorite.
Ooh, when I set that shit
on repeat on my Nano,
- I could walk the treadmill for days.
Talented guys.
Mm-hmm.
Raye don't like me listening to hip-hop.
He says it makes black people look bad.
Hip-hop makes black people look genius.
- Heard it.
- Right?
Shit.
Since we've been married,
- the only black thing he's let us do-
- is go listen to Bill Cosby-
- tell his tired-ass jokes
down at the Lincoln center.
I had to put on a ball gown.
It's no night at the Apollo, huh?
Mm.
Hey, hey, hey!
Fat Albert is dead.
You know what I'm saying?
Shh. Shh.
Bring on motherfuckin' three!
Raye is never gonna come
around to motherfuckin' three.
But, you know...
He used to only date white women,
so you never know.
Mm.
Sorry.
It's okay.
I know all about Raye tapping the milkweed.
But if he now wants Condoleezza rice,
- he should have married her ass.
Gonna make me wake my husband.
This is some bullshit.
Go turn that shit off.
Time to go, everybody!
What the hell?!
Lucy, come on!
Come on, everybody!
Grab backpacks!
And go get Denis!
What the fuck?!
Lucy's planned a
four-day hiking trip for us.
Unh-unh.
You can count me out, miss skinny thing.
My ass is staying right here!
Did he say four days?
Come on, you guys. It'll be fun.
Where... Where are we gonna sleep?
Under the stars.
Um, black people haven't been camping-
- since the underground railroad,
and you ain't Harriet Tubman.
Okay. Now, look.
Why do you got to do that?
What? What?
You want to be here with me-
- or out there with the bugs?
It don't matter. Y'all got to go.
Got a new group coming in at noon.
Bus leaves in 20.
Uh, we don't have clothes for this.
What's the matter?
You don't have a sweater with
campfires and tents all over it?
I've taken care of everything.
I got these especially for you,
congressman.
"Motherfuckin' three"?
Oh, no, no. I can't wear this.
I am not gonna wear this.
Yes, you will.
Trevor?
Fed my bitch a blade
- Tr...
- Fed my bitch
Look at this!
Fed my bitch a blade
Son, the only signals
out here are from god.
Just keep heading east.
Only one trail.
Got about 8 miles of day ahead of you.
Is that a relatively flat 8,
or should I expect much of a grade?
Grade? How about in' I
get you a big ol' gold star-
- when you're done?
It's up and down.
Third night, you'll be bunking in big horn.
Be Sure and check under the cot fill.
Don't want any critters
to get frisky with you.
Critters?
Critters?
Uh, um, do you mean bug critters or...
..."Critter" critters?
Mice and such.
Maybe a snake or two.
You'll be long friends with the
bugs timin' you make big horn.
Sam, now, will there be
call boxes along the way?
Becky, it's the wilderness,
not the jersey turnpike.
It's a valid question.
I-I have a baby, Austin.
You know, what if there's an emergency?
How old is that kid now, anyway?
That kid's name is Thurman.
That's really gonna
help him with the ladies.
And he's 54 months.
That's 4 1/2 in human years.
Go to hell, George.
It's okay, honey.
He counts for a living.
You know, I did not sign up
to be part of the Donner party.
Did you think about
anyone else's circumstances-
- before you drug us all out here?
You guys, we're gonna have a great time.
I promise. Okay?
If-fen y'all ain't at pickup by Tuesday,
- we'll come looking for you.
What a perfectly antiquated rescue system.
We all feel much better now.
Thank you.
Well, we try.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you.
We'll see you.
Hurry up, start a run
You know, I know the rules
Or do you think I'm crazy?
You look old, so do I
Guess we're both the fools
With all this time left, waiting
Someday
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh, for the love of god!
And someday
Huh?
It's not funny, Trevor!
Sweetie?
Sweetie?
Hold you against the stars
How long was I gone?
And did you Miss me?
You know,
I think it's strange
We're here finally
Thought about you once
Maybe more than that
Tell me, tell me
Did you?
How long was I gone?
And did you Miss me?
You know,
I think it's strange
We're here finally
Thought about you once
But she's the one who
was screwing the boy band.
Doesn't matter.
She could have been fucking
anybody from sting to John Tesh,
- but if you want custody without
the courts, you got to pay up.
So, how's little Trev doing?
I Would have paid whatever.
- So, tell me, Raye.
- Hmm?
How'd you ever bear living with George?
Oh.
Yeah, it was me, Austin,
Trevor, and George.
That assemblage of men
takes the term "Motley Crew"-
- to a whole new level.
- Oh.
Hang on one second.
You know, George...
...It's like having a
puppy around, you know?
You deal with the chewed-up
shoes and the constant yelping-
- and the piles of shit everywhere-
- 'cause you hope in the end,
the loyal dog will emerge.
But, instead, you got Clifford,
the big red asshole.
Hey! Come on!
George isn't so bad.
I'm Sure deep down, there's a
good heart in there somewhere.
Besides, every group of friends
has their own George, right?
Georges don't change,
and we're stuck to them-
- with this glue of...
Of history and secrets, you know?
Kind of like politicians.
Ooh! Touch!
Why couldn't Lucy just...
Swim off the last 4 pounds?
Mm-hmm.
Like in Hawaii.
Doesn't a poolside daiquiri
sound good right about now,
- with a grilled cheese?
Hm.
Why are you tripping?
Oh. He don't know you smoke?
No.
No need to explain.
Why do you think I keep
my Zoloft in a Pez dispenser?
A government check is
the only antidepressant-
- accepted in the black community.
You want some?
Ooh.
Funny thing is,
I just started six months ago.
I always hated cigarettes.
But, um, I work with this teacher, Nancy,
- and she's been, you know,
- trying to quit using
those little nicotine gums,
- and she left one in the teachers' lounge.
I walked in, saw it,
and popped it in my mouth,
- and I got about 10
minutes into earth science,
- and I caught such a buzz.
Oh, and let me tell you,
that's the only way-
- to get through sedimentary rock, but...
That gum is $40 a box.
Yeah. I know.
Damn cigarettes cost less than the gum.
Well, what they don't know,
don't hurt 'em.
Ignorance is bliss, huh?
Mm. Ignorant man yield blissful women.
So, how long have you
and Richard been married?
Oh, 12 years now.
Mm.
Yaah. I met him right after college.
He was the principal at
the first school I interned at.
He had just lost his
wife in a car accident.
Shit.
Mm. He already had his PHD.
And I had my undergrad, and...
We were pretty anxious to start a family.
Same old crackers for 12 years?
Shit, girl. Raye and I just hit two.
And I'm already having problems-
- passing up a new bag of goldfish.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, how is that little boy of yours?
Thank you for the day gown.
It was real cute.
Did you get Raye's note?
'Cause he wanted to write
all y'all himself. Mm-hmm.
I Did. So sweet.
Yeah.
So, tell me...
After the baby,
did, uh, your weight gain-
- cause problems in the old sex department?
I Don't really want to talk about that.
Hm. Well, it did with us,
- and thank god it did 'cause Raye...
Ooh, god!
Too big!
Surely not.
Girl, if it don't fit, you must acquit.
Oh, you fucking douche bags!
One of you guys carry the wine for a while.
You're so sweaty!
Come on, chicken or fish, switch with me.
Well, I'm finding my way
up over that mountain
I'm gonna get so high
Gonna find my way
up over that mountain
Happy just to have it here
under my feet
Sweet little baby
walking next to me
Hurry up.
I've got a surprise for everybody.
Please, god. Let it be a helicopter.
Say "cheese"!
Isn't it incredible?
I knew it would be beautiful,
but not like this.
Just like the fucking
box of a jigsaw puzzle.
Hey, guys, guys.
Come here!
Come here! Come here!
Hurry up!
Wha... Wow!
Damn!
Who gets the blue ribbon?
You shit that out of your old ass, Richard?
Probably a moose, bison, or bear.
Bear?
You didn't say shit about any bears.
Bugs don't seem so bad now.
Ooh!
Well, hello, there, old friend.
You remember me?
We met at that R.E.M. Concert in '95.
What are you talking about?
Let's just say, before the concert,
I threw a proper tea party.
Then I made out with your wife.
No. We all did.
What are they talking about?
They're kidding.
They're only kidding.
I Didn't make out with her.
Yaah, yeah.
But she could have.
- Hey.
- See, Richard,
- before you turned Becky
into Miss doubt fire,
- we used to know her as
"thumper" back in the day.
Shut up!
Somebody get some water over a fire.
- I'll get some wood.
- No, no, no. Hold on.
What are we gonna do about dinner?
- I'm drinking mine.
- Me too.
Ooh. Me too.
The only mushrooms I ever had
before were on a large pizza.
Okay.
Come on.
Come to papa.
Damn, Lucy.
We walking to Boston for this tea party?
Come on, Mary.
Just a little further.
I know the perfect spot.
How long does it take?
Never know, but...
It should be subtle.
That's what you said back in '95.
Come on, thumper.
Take a sip.
I want my kiss later.
My wife doesn't take drugs, George.
Mine either...
Except I don't know
where my wife is right now.
Don't worry, Raye.
I didn't see any c-span
trucks parked around here.
So, tell me, Lucy, why Montana?
Why drag us all the way out here-
- for your little
psychedelic ode to R.E.M.?
Oh, dude, please take a sip of this-
- for all our sakes, will you?
My family came to the lodge every summer,
- and every summer,
they would go on the exact same hike-
- that we're on right now.
But I always had to stay behind-
- because they didn't
think I could make it,
- so over these same three days,
I would just sit in the lodge with Sam,
- and we would...
We would roast hot dogs and play checkers,
- and I would always promise myself...
That the next summer,
I would lose weight-
- so that I could go on the hike,
but then I just...
...I just got bigger and bigger, and...
Well, I'm here now.
So he gave a fat child hot dogs?
We'll keep the pot hot for you, Becky.
That's real mature, Becky.
Um when's the part we start having fun?
I'm sorry.
Don't be, girl.
If something good
comes from all this, then...
Oh, shit.
There she is.
Sister tingle's knocking at my door!
Oh!
Me too, I think.
I feel like you do when you...
You finally get to pee after
holding it in for a long time.
Is that it?
Yaah, but you don't pee.
Right?
Wait. okay.
Everybody stand up and follow me.
Listen, this ground's feeling so good.
Can't we just sit here, Please?
I Have a surprise.
We've had enough of your
surprises, Lucy. Please!
...I was mistaken
Young hearts were breaking
It's warm!
Girl, my ass and feet are
in love with you right now.
Uh-huh. Hey, get ready to see
some sushi-grade cock, ladies.
No way.
Does that fit in a hand roll, George?
Last one in shares a tent with George.
All right.
Let's go set up the tent.
You go set up the tent.
Mary?
You think I'm sleeping with George?
Mary, I am warning you!
Close your eyes, boys!
What do you think you're doing?!
Either get in the water or leave.
I Am not getting in the water.
In the moonlight,
I was mistaken
I wasn't faking on my quest
to love you less
- Oh, yeah.
- Hot, hot, hot.
Hot, hot.
Yo, Trev!
Come on.
Get in the water there, pussy boy!
Trevor, come on.
It feels great.
They had to remove a little excess skin.
Well, damn!
How much skin can you take off?
You think you can take some of this?
You have no idea.
You skinny bitch.
You're beautiful.
Own that shit.
Thank you.
All right, boys. We coming in.
Close your eyes.
Come on, Lucy!
I saved you a seat!
Slide by me, Mary!
Come on!
Hey, Trev!
Come on. Get your ass in here!
Fuck!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Aah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
He's just a baby!
Fuck you, George!
Oh, Lord.
Oh, Lord.
George, I'm gonna kill you!
Hey, long as it works, chicken little.
Mm.
Where have you been?
Just walking around.
Did you do a lot of drugs in college?
No, Richard.
Mnh-mnh.
- I don't like your friends.
- I know.
I'm sorry. It's...
Just been so long since
we've all been together.
I think...
Finding our footing isn't easy.
Did you fuck any of them, thumper?
Because I'd really like to know.
No.
Richard, I told you,
that's just a stupid...
Baseless nickname that
got out of control and stuck.
You're the only man I've ever been with.
Not now, Becky.
Honey...
You've read "atlas shrugged"
like fives times.
It's a classic.
No. It's a prop.
Do you want one of the Viagra?
I brought them with us.
Viagra aids an erection, not desire.
You need desire to get an erection.
Read the label.
Do you even remember
the last time we had sex?
Your birthday.
Exactly. That was in June.
Don't worry.
Christmas is just around the corner.
I'm trying very, very hard, Richard.
I'm going to find everybody else.
- Do you want to come with me?
- No.
Marco?
- Polo.
- Polo.
Marco?
Come on. Play with me.
Oh-ho!
Do you smell asparagus?
Rolling down
Thumper to the rescue!
Oh, yes, yes.
Okay! Here I come!
Move over!
Move over!
Geronimo!
All!
When we touch ground
Look there, 'cause
we just scored a touchdown
Ooh, thumper!
What was that for?
That's because you're an asshole.
How you feeling?
After a 12-year hiatus, pretty damn good.
Ah.
Mm.
Everybody turn around when we roll
Rolling down
Trying to get high tonight
High tonight
Rolling down
Oh, I'm a fountain.
My vagina's made of glass.
Hey, what is that?
Ooh!
- Me.
- What?
How much of that shit did you bring?
I Had the remains of my surgery cremated,
- and these are the ashes.
Oh, Jesus.
Seriously?
- Yeah.
- That's fucked.
Try being the asshole
calling all over Manhattan,
- looking for someone
to cremate a stomach.
I've been spreading them
a little bit along the trail,
- and I'd like to
sprinkle a little in here.
"Here" where?
In here with you guys.
- In the water?
- Yes.
I Don't want to be sitting in no
damn burned-up stomach water.
There went my buzz.
Oh, my god! This is so much fun!
- We got to beat the sun.
- No, no. Let's watch it rise.
No, we can't.
We have 8 miles today.
Will you come sleep in my tent?
I don't want to be alone.
Shut up!
It's your trip.
Go, go, go!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Good night.
Skinny bitch.
So, did you see those nips on Mary?
I mean, like, we could have
tossed a game of horseshoes.
Oh, man, the sun's coming up.
Ahh.
I love it when the sun and the
moon are in the sky together.
Aren't they always in the sky together?
Come on, George.
Where?
Come over here.
Lay your head back.
See it now?
Yaah.
It's nice.
God, it's so beautiful.
It's like a celestial
changing of the guards.
You and I are the only
two people getting to see it.
Ah.
Man.
God, look at the stars.
You know, we don't have stars in L.A.
I mean, we have them,
but you can't see them.
I like the moon,
but I like the sun, I think.
I-I...
But then, you can't have
the moon without the sun-
- 'cause the sun's got to
light up the moon anyways,
- so it's like,
I guess I got to like them both.
Can't really do that.
Oh, man.
Maybe I like the sun better.
I don't know.
Get off, you fuck!
What the fuck, George?!
What the fuck?!
You're... I-It's fine!
George, it's fine!
You don't have to...
You don't have to go, George!
Come on!
George!
Holy shit.
I Like mine well-scrambled.
Yaah. Me too.
You got any creamer for that?
This is Jamaican blue mountain.
Cream and sugar would be sinful.
Well, I didn't ask for sugar.
So, Raye, how's the senate run shaping up?
Well, the polls look pretty good,
- but, you know, that could all change.
Well, your constituents
ought to be eternally grateful-
- for what you've done within
the African-American community.
You know, soon after your first election,
- I fell asleep on the couch watching CNN.
I heard this passionate plea-
- calling for the regulation
of the recording industry.
Ah.
A Truly compelling case-
- exposing the evils of certain lyrics-
- and what they do to
the minds of our youth.
See, Becky and I serve
the public-school system.
Of course you do.
Well, uh, the bill died, but, uh...
Thank you, Richard.
It was you behind the podium, Raye.
Right.
No, no. What I'm saying is that
I could have blindly listened-
- to your voice for hours and
never known the difference.
What difference?
Well, I mean, it was you.
It could have been any
number of representatives-
- behind that podium.
All, yes.
You mean white representatives.
I'm just saying, well done.
Thank you.
I Think I saw some cream around here.
I'll go get it.
Mmm.
Damn, that smells good.
I'm starving.
Well, when you skip dinner...
...morning, morning.
Oh. That smells good.
Oh, coffee, coffee.
Coffee! Thank god!
No. That's... That's Richards coffee.
I'll make you another pot.
Is he gonna drink the whole pot?
No.
No, he's not.
You know what?
Do you want some coffee?
Yeah. Does everybody want some coffee?
Uh, you overcooked the eggs, baby.
You know what?
Those eggs are for Richard and me.
And so is the coffee, by the way.
Good morning to you, too, asshole.
We agreed to be on the trail at 7:00,
- and that's when I plan to leave.
Well, you could have woken me up, Raye.
You know what?
I tried, Mary.
So, have fun breaking down the tent.
So, you'll share your coffee with Raye?
Seriously.
It's just coffee, you guys.
Oh, it's Jamaican blue mountain,
and it's so special!
Welcome to caf passive-aggressive.
You know what, Trevor?
It was you and your little
party that made you late.
That is not our fault.
Mmm!
These eggs are good, baby.
God damn it, Mary! My eggs!
Stop it!
Fuck you, Raye!
All of you!
You're ruining my fucking trip!
Come on, Richard.
I'll tell you what I'm
gonna do with that tent.
I'm gonna throw it in the fire.
Hey, guys. Wait up.
Did I make a big mistake?
Lucy, look at yourself.
You're... You're beautiful.
- What?
- Y-you... Look at you.
No. I heard you the first time.
I'm just...
...I mean, was the hike a big mistake?
Oh. Was manipulating us-
- for your own selfish reasons a mistake?
I Just wanted to walk with
everybody, you know, together,
- like I had imagined.
So you had the surgery
for a three-day hike?
No. I did it so I could get laid.
What I really,
really would like to do is fuck.
Join the club.
I'm a virgin.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
What about George?
Never happened.
Come on.
I Denied it because I was embarrassed.
I don't know.
You're serious.
Wha... Being a virgin is nothing
to be embarrassed about.
Oh, bullshit.
I mean...
...I could have had sex plenty of times,
- but I was just never comfortable
enough to get naked, and then...
You know, having slept with George...
It seemed less pitiful
than being a fat-ass virgin.
Holy shit.
I've never told anybody that before.
I'm not gonna say a word.
My shrink was right...
That feels good.
So, no more secrets?
No more secrets.
So, you're just gonna leave
me hanging here or what?
What?
Well, I just told you my big,
deep, dark secret,
- so you have to tell me yours.
Fair enough.
Okay. Oh, this is awful.
You... You can't...
You can't tell anyone.
I Won't.
No. I could lose my job.
Oh, god, just spill it.
I Had sex with a passenger-
- on an overnight through Rome.
- No way!
Well, it was just a
blow job in the galley, but...
Just a blow... okay.
W-Whatever.
I'll spare you the presidential semantics,
- but it was one of the most horrible...
Also, it was one of the hottest things-
- I've ever done in my life.
Oh, my god!
So, how did you pull that off?
Who was he? What was his...
What was his story?
He?
Oh, my god.
It's cool. Whatever.
Who was he?
Her name was Susan.
She sat in 4-F, and she sucked the cum...
Okay! okay.
That is totally cool.
Listen, if you ever feel like...
You want to really talk about it,
- then, you know, I'm here to listen.
Okay?
When... When we...
...when we landed,
I fucked the shit out of her!
I Know. I know you did.
I know you did.
- I'm just gonna go up the trail.
- Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Mm!
How long are you planning on ignoring me?
I Don't know, Mary. I...
We had fun last night, Raye.
Well, I didn't.
You could have.
You chose not to.
You always choose not to.
That's not my fault.
Oh. 'cause it's never your fucking fault.
Why are you always
sweating the little stuff?
Sweating? No, no.
I'm not sweating, Mary.
I'm upset!
I want my wife to act like a Lady.
I don't want her taking
drugs or taking her clothes off.
I mean, Jesus.
You know what, Mary?
You have a responsibility to this marriage.
You have a responsibility to my career.
I mean, all of this "child"
and "girl" and "peeps."
I mean, come on.
Enough with the fucking Ebonics shit, Mary.
Guess what, Raye. You're black!
We're black!
That's how black people talk!
I Swear, I don't even
know you anymore, Mary.
Those words and phrases
that you hate so much-
- have done more for the races-
- than you and your motherfucking
peeps in Washington ever did!
You want to know me?
You want to...
You... You want to know who I am?
Well, here. Listen to this.
That's who I am.
Hey! George!
George, wait up.
Wait. Wait up a second.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
How you feeling today?
I'm okay.
I'm just trying to...
Sweat this stuff out, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I don't know when I've
ever been so fucked up.
Sure is beautiful up here, huh?
Yaah.
Listen, George, uh...
...I don't want you to feel weird...
About what happened, okay?
What are you talking about?
Last night in the hot springs.
Like I said,
I've never been quite so
fucked up in my whole life.
Okay. Um, before you go into some story-
- about how the mushrooms
made you do some things-
- you otherwise wouldn't do,
I'm gonna stop you.
What are you talking about?
Don't ruin the only real moment
we probably ever had between us.
What?
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
And I don't care, okay?
We're friends, and...
And we're cool.
Hey. You trying to include
me in your little fag fantasy?!
It's not cool!
Fuck you!
Fed my bitch a blade
She's so fucking crazy
Fed my bitch a blade
That cunt is cheating on her baby
Fed my bitch a blade
It's gonna cut her up inside, yo
She was sucking on cock
in the rite aid alley
I fucked him up
Next, them niggers so afraid,
she comes back with
Sorry, baby
Shut the fuck up,
eat the blade, bitch
Fed my bitch a blade
She's so fucking crazy
Fed my bitch a blade
This looks like a good spot to make camp.
What do you guys think?
Should I get dinner started?
I can make spaghetti.
I make a mean red sauce.
Sounds good to me.
- You got any garlic bread?
- Oh.
All right. Spaghetti it is.
Who wants to go, uh,
help me get some wood?
Oh, my god.
George?
All right.
Oh.
Thank you, Becky.
It's gonna be great.
Okay. Please.
Look, it just shakes out.
It shakes out.
I Know what it does.
I'm aware of the shaking.
Be careful.
- I got it.
- A lot of bees in here.
I don't want you disturbing stuff.
- Ooh.
- It's not a contest.
No. I-I...
Didn't think it was a contest.
Ooh. Thought it was a bee.
D-don't move, George!
Just stay perfectly still!
Don't fucking move!
- There's a great big bear
- What?
He's always roaming
for his dinner
And he's not gonna share
Take a bite of...
Oh, fuck.
Aaaaah!
Come on!
He's under your feet
Sorry about that.
That damn fella would not go down.
I juiced him three times,
and he still went for 2 miles.
What are we supposed to do now?
If I were you,
I'd, uh, pick your buddy up-
- and move down the trail a couple miles.
Hey, George.
- Come on.
- Get the fuck off me.
George, I'm trying to help you up.
- Come on, help me.
- Get the fuck off me!
Fine.
Help yourself up.
This is so great!
I mean, come on.
It's September, and I'm tasting snow.
Come on, Becky.
Open your mouth.
I swear, it almost tastes sweet.
I'm more concerned-
- about getting to wherever
it is you're taking us.
What's for dinner?
Um, I have some cereal,
- or I think I have some fruit in my pack.
- You guys are welcome to it.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What happened to spaghetti?
Fuck!
It's dark, guys.
I Can't be hungry in the dark?
You better have an emergency plan.
There's no emergency.
Uh, how about mayday to chili's?
Miss thing, you invited
us on this little field trip,
- so you better be air-lifting
some ribs up in here!
Ain't that right, Trev?
Come on, Mary.
Let's just eat light.
Then we'll have a big breakfast
in the morning, okay?
Whoa, wait. Eat light?
Miracles do happen, you guys.
Lucy just said, "eat light."
Ow.
It was a joke! Come on!
You said we could make jokes.
Great.
It's me. I'm sorry!
Faggot!
So cold.
I'm definitely not looking to
have any more kids, Raye.
Well, maybe we should be air-lifting you-
- an electric blanket up
in here with them ribs.
Shoot.
Throw in some grape kool-aid.
Ooh, honey, child!
Ooh, babe.
You know what I'm
talking about, bee-yotch.
Not half bad.
Yeah.
Well, it wasn't meant to be funny, Mary.
- That's how you sound.
- How I sound?
You know what I'm talking about.
How I'm s...
No, no, no. Go ahead.
- No, no. Not...
- Yeah, yeah, now, Raye. Now!
- Not tonight, Mary.
- Now!
Or maybe I should go out
there and tell your friends-
- about the real black man I married.
Okay. You know what?
Why don't you just go to sleep?
The man who came way
down capitol hill one night-
- and started sending this
girl cheap champagne,
- got her good and drunk, too,
and told her his name was Tuan.
That is my name.
Who knows that, Raye,
- other than me, you, and your mama?
But big dick Tuan didn't
think that this ghetto girl-
- could have possibly have gone to college,
- and he definitely didn't think
she wanted to have his baby.
No-o-o.
The senate hopeful-
- wasn't thinking about his
career that night, was he?
All right.
Shut up, Mary!
I do hope...
The fall election comes out in
your favor, congressman Tuan.
Just so you know...
...I won't be there.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Do you want to share an apple?
No, thanks.
Mind if I join you for a second?
I'm really tired, so...
...well...
...I'm really sorry.
Forget it. Could you just go?
No. It was insensitive,
and I shouldn't have said it.
Well, I've developed a
thick skin over the years.
People like you and me have to.
I'm glad you're getting happy, Lucy.
- That's all I want, too.
- The point of this trip was...
I'm so stupid.
There's a lot you don't understand.
Fuck off, Austin.
Okay?
You and the six other
emotional disasters out there.
Coming from the virgin?
We didn't make you fat, Lucy.
Get out of my tent.
Now.
Hey.
What's going on?
What happened?
Move over.
Uh, Mary...
What's going on?
My tent got way too crowded, Trevor.
Just go to sleep.
Here. Get in.
Where you going?
Well...
You're welcome to stay here.
But I'm gonna go stay
with George or Lucy.
I Could have joined George or Lucy.
But I came in here instead.
We can't do this.
Do what?
We're just gonna sleep, Trevor.
There ain't no way in hell
we're gonna get any sleep.
Then I'm glad we're in agreement.
Take your pants off.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I Appreciate you in
ways you've never known.
Good night, Mary.
Hey.
All. I didn't hear you get up.
You didn't hear a lot of things, dude.
She's gone.
I woke up, and all her shit was gone.
She leave a note or anything?
Nope.
Did she wake any of you?
So, was, uh, Mary with her?
No.
Oh, I see how it is.
No, you don't, Raye.
Lucy?!
Lucy?!
- What?
- Lucy?!
What do you see, Raye?
- Tell me what you see!
- Lucy?!
- This is bullshit.
- Oh, but it is.
I know it is.
You don't have to tell me, Raye.
- I know it's bullshit!
- Lucy, come on!
Lucy?!
Lucy?!
- Lucy?!
- Lucy?!
Don't talk anymore
We've been through this before
My head is in my hands
Tried, but you
will never understand
That even though
I have to let you go
Before I leave,
I need for you to know
That I'm here
Oh, oh
Always here
here
Here
oh, oh
Always here
here
Though you'll never see me
Baby, Please believe me
I am here
Still no sign of Lucy.
- Fuck her.
- What?
She's an attention-starved
cunt if you ask me.
You don't mean that.
I'm tired. I'm hungry.
I'm constipated. My shins hurts!
I mean, what the fuck
are we doing here, anyway?!
Hey.
Come on, now.
I Miss my son, Thurman.
You know, I didn't expect
to be out of touch this long.
I really got how happy he made me.
You know, I... I've never been
apart from my son, okay?!
It's cool.
No, it's not cool,
'cause every time I bring it up,
- you all give me shit for it.
And then I have to go home-
- and hear the same
thing again from Richard.
So it's not okay!
Listen...
If you tell anybody about this,
I'm gonna have to kill you.
I had a conference call this morning.
That's why I was up so
early making breakfast.
How do you get a signal?
I have one that's much smaller than this.
It's not a cell.
It's a satellite phone.
Mf3 gave it to me.
We got a lot of shit going on right now.
- Can I use it?
- No, Becky.
I thought I'd show you a telephone-
- and then not let you use it.
Listen, when we stop for lunch,
- you just go off somewhere
and call your little boy.
I talked to little Trev this morning.
Yeah.
Feel better?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Oh, oh
I'm here
I'm here
Oh, oh
Always here
here
Though you'll never see me
Baby, Please believe me
I am here
oh, oh
Always here
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never really gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Ooh
Da-da da-da
I Miss you so much, baby.
No. He's around.
No.
The phone's a secret, silly.
Why don't you tell me
how much you Miss me?
'Cause I want to hear you say it.
Mm.
No!
I can't do that.
'Cause I can't do that.
I'm in the woods.
Okay.
You go first.
Unzip your pants.
Will you bump it up against the phone?
Yeah. I want to hear him.
'Cause I Miss him.
I hear him. Hello?
I Miss you.
Okay.
What do you want me to do?
Okay. It's going in.
Okay. Say hello to her.
Oh, yeah.
I'm very, very hot!
What the fuck, Trevor?!
Fuck!
What the fuck, Becky?!
- Hey!
- Are you okay?!
Yaah.
What's wrong with your pants?
Nothing.
Have you been chasing rabbits, Trevor?
Did he catch any... Thumper?!
That's my wife, asshole!
Hey. Bro.
You don't understand.
I snuck off to use the phone,
and I-I bumped into Becky,
- who was trying to go to the bathroom.
I surprised her.
Are you okay?
Yaah. I'm okay.
Yeah. I just... I got scared.
I was embarrassed,
and I was going to the bathroom.
Well, wait. You've had a
working phone this whole time?
God damn it, Trevor.
I got to call the office.
Let me use it.
Hey.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I Don't know what to say.
Well, as long as that
wasn't your son on the phone...
You don't have to say anything at all.
No. I called... I...
...okay. I called Thurman first,
and I made a second call...
Made a call after that call.
I made it... I'm having an affair.
I Don't need to hear this.
He's the football coach at my school.
There. I said it.
I'm deaf.
Oh, god.
I'm awful, right?
Yeah.
I'm awful.
Oh, my god.
Becky...
...Richard's a dick.
He wasn't always like that, though.
Yaah. But he is now.
And you're human.
Look...
Frankly, I'm glad you still got it in you.
Come on. Fucking around-
- comes from either
selfishness or loneliness,
- and you're far from selfish.
Thank you.
I know sheila put you through a lot.
No.
You don't.
Look, sheila was a selfish bitch,
- and she fucked around on me, but...
Well...
...she left me 'cause
my dick was too small.
Trevor, I'm Sure that wasn't it.
She put it in the goddamn divorce papers.
I'm so sorry.
And the worst part...
The judge was a woman,
as was the bailiff.
But...
...when the dust settled,
I realized that...
Adultery's a 50/50 fuck up.
Don't forget that.
What do I do, Trevor?
Well, for starters,
you could have your football coach-
- buy me a new phone.
This has to be it.
Lucy, you in there?!
Oh, she'd better be in here.
There better be a toilet in there, too.
Welcome to big horn.
That was really inconsiderate
leaving like that this morning.
You could have told somebody.
I Found some beautiful
wild greens this morning,
- so I made a terrific dressing.
Would anyone object if I tossed the salad?
Uh, do you have any
ranch or thousand island?
No. Just what I made.
Then why'd you ask?
Smells good. What's cooking?
Spaghetti.
Do you need any help?
No. Just help yourselves to some wine.
Everyone get comfortable.
I've taken care of everything.
Sounds good to me.
Who wants a drink?
This place is amazing.
You okay?
Yaah. I'm fine.
Can I do anything, or...
...no.
Just go get some wine.
How is everything?
The sauce is delicious.
Thank you.
There's plenty more.
- Here's to Lucy.
- No.
No. Allow me. I'd like to
raise my glass to all of you.
For years, you all set the standard-
- for what I dreamed to look like,
act like, and be one day.
All I ever wanted was
to be like one of you.
But now I realize that
if that dream came true,
- I could never be happy
because I would be nothing-
- but a self-loathing person
who's undersexed, racist,
- misogynistic,
homophobic, a dormant slut...
And a ghetto-fabulous fat ass.
Excuse me?
You got a lot of nerve, Lucy.
You bitch.
We only came here for you.
No. You showed up.
But now I'm the one
who's finally getting happy,
- and I'm surrounded by a
bunch of miserable losers.
You should have
chosen suicide over surgery.
And if becoming any of you-
- is what it means to finally have sex,
- then I'll gladly die a virgin.
He lied.
Obviously.
Well, if this is what it
means to have you skinny,
- we'd rather have you
put your fat coat back on.
Hey.
Sorry.
- Oh, my god.
- Sorry. Shh.
- What are you doing?
- Just come with me.
Where? What?
Just trust me and come with me.
- Right now?
- Yes. Right now.
- Come on.
- All right.
- Where are you taking me?
- Ah, you'll see.
This is ridiculous.
Oh.
What...
Are you up to?
When did you do all this?
After everybody went to bed.
Come on.
This is very sweet, but...
I'm okay.
You don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
I'm really sorry about
everything that I said.
You don't have to prove
anything to me... Ever, okay?
I Know.
Wait. Is this some kind
of like a mercy fuck?
- I mean, is that what this...
- Yes, it is.
And I am begging you,
Please have mercy on me.
You've got the corkscrew
- I've got the wine
- Um...
Okay. okay.
Okay, okay, okay!
Ow.
No, no. Let's go.
- Okay. okay.
- Hit me like that again.
Then I will share with you
this bottle of hooch
You got your corkscrew
Sex only gets better.
Is that a promise?
Oh!
How much further?!
When we get to the bus, we're there.
Oh, thank god.
We're getting back on a school bus!
Now we can really be comfortable again!
- Where's there?
- It's the pickup spot, dude.
- Relax.
- No. You relax!
The word "relax" and
this three-day cluster fuck-
- don't actually go together.
Hey, let us go
Let us see
where we're going today
Another divide
Then we separate
Every time, every break
in this simple road
Hey.
How was the hike, George?
It was good, Sam. Thanks.
Good, then.
Maybe they know
Maybe they see
Not what we are
What we're becoming
Maybe it's true
Maybe we win
But somehow, we're back
Where we start again
La-la, la
La-la, la
La-la, la-la, la, la, la
La-la, la-la, la, la, la
La-la, la-la, la, la, la
La, la, la
I'm sorry about, um, the other day.
What?
In the hot springs.
The way I acted.
It's okay.
You know, my...
My dad's sick, right?
No. I didn't know that.
You know I would have said something.
No, it's okay.
It's... It's... It's okay.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I know what he means to you.
Yaah. Well, um, anyway...
...once he dies...
It'll be easier.
He's in a lot of pain.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I shouldn't have pushed you down.
Thanks.
Is your offer still good?
Keeping, uh...
Keeping it between us?
Of course.
When we're young
We set our hearts
upon some beautiful idea
Maybe something from a holy
book or french philosophia
Upon the thoughts
of better men than us
We swear by and decree
A perfect way
to end the war of ways
The only way to be a
Work of art
Oh, to be a work of art
A work of art
Oh, to be a work of art
But in time,
a thought comes tugging...
Lucy!
Ooh! Aah!
Perhaps no perfect way
exists
I never thought 4 pounds
would weigh so much.
Oh. Oh, my god!
Are you okay?!
I am.
Is everyone okay?!
You're all right?
Yes. I'm okay.
Richard?!
Is everyone okay?
Damn it!
All right. Listen up!
Is anyone seriously hurt...
Broken bones, contusions?!
How is everyone's breathing?!
Richard?!
Come back here!
Richard needs help!
It's okay, Trevor.
We're okay.
Yeah. You're gonna be fine.
Becky, don't move him.
You got to keep him perfectly still.
- It's my fault everyone's hurt!
- No, no, no, no, no.
We're hurt because there was
a dead man driving the bus.
Okay.
We're gonna get you out of here.
One of you needs to go for help!
I'll go.
Just take care of Trevor.
Okay.
Yeah.
I Can't feel my legs yet.
I'm all right. I'm okay.
Okay. good.
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
- Okay.
- I'm okay.
We're okay. We're okay.
Where's George?
- Oh, god.
- George?!
George!
Are you all right?
You okay?
All right. Come on, buddy.
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Trevor.
Drink.
You were all living your own lives,
- minding your own business
until I brought you here.
I'm so sorry.
Becky...
...just relax, honey.
I Know about coach merry weather.
I've known since day one.
I Don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I haven't done things well.
I'll do it better next time 'round.
I'll always love you, thumper.
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard.
Richard.
I Was now the thin girl in a
group of very pretty people.
But I felt like the ugliest of them all.
But then life went on like it always does.
And our lives got better...
Even easier...
Because all our fear
died on the bus that day.
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
Even George's.
Thought of you
And where you'd gone
Hey, there's, uh,
hot dogs if anybody wants one.
Ooh. You don't have
to tell me twice, coach.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Are you all coming?
We'll be a minute.
Just got lost and slept
right through the dawn
You ready?
Yeah.
Oh.
Anybody want this?
I
Let the day go by
I
Always say goodbye
I watch the stars
from my windowsill
The whole world is moving
And I'm standing still
- Oh!
- Oh, god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!
I can't!
Guys! Ooh!
These aren't supposed to leak!
You put him in that?!
It's from my best set.
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here
I love you, Richard!
- Oh!
- Oh-ho!
Get me up, fat ass!
Thanks, Richard!
Help me out of here, fat ass!
And the world spins madly on
And the world spins madly on
And the world
We should put all our shit in Tupperware.
Senator Denis?
Yes?
Congratulations on the election.
Thank you.
Quite a nail-biter.
Yeah.
Is this seat taken?
Oh. Uh, uh, no, no.
- Absolutely not.
- Thank you.
Please.
- Champagne?
- Oh.
Well...
Cheers.
I'm Suzanne.
I'm... Well, you know...
You know who I am because you did the...
Yes, I do.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Do you, um...
You live in D.C.?
Chevy chase.
Close enough.
...yes, it is.
I'm on plane
To leave
Hanging in the air
between you and me
My heart is big
Oh, Suzanne.
Suzanne, Suzanne, Suzanne.
Wait. No, no. Just hang on.
Come here.
I've seen you fall
And rise
And hide the weakness
like you're hiding a crime
It takes you so long
To cry
And closes
more than it opens inside
When it's all crashing in
around you
And no one wants
to see you in
I'll stay around
when you get dark
Lean into me
And I'll put my hand
over your heart
Lean into me
Well, I'm just like you
I bleed
Sometimes it hurts so bad,
I can't even breathe
But you cannot sail a storm
And you can't carry
the weight on your own
I'll stay up
and hold you all night
If you just need
to let it g-o-o-o-o
I'll stay around
when you get dark
Lean into me
And I'll put my hand
over your heart
Lean into me
Lean into me
When it's all crashing in
around you
I'll walk with you
through the r-a-a-ain
I'll stay around
when you get dark
Lean into me
And I'll put my hand
over your heart
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Hi. How you doing?
Good. How are you?
Fine. Thank you.
What can I get for you?
Um, can I get a...
A bean-and-cheese burrito-
- and a small diet Pepsi, Please?
Okay.
Actually, could you make that
three bean-and-cheese burritos?
And does the gordita...
Does that have meat on it?
You want that bean?
Yes, Please. That'd be great.
Can I just get like two of
those Gorditas, then, Please?
Anything else?
Oh, and an apple pie.
Okay.
Can...
Can I get two of those?
Hi. Can I help you?
Um, two garden salads, Please.
Okay. Anything else with that?
Um, two sundaes, Please.
Okay. What kind of sundaes?
Um, hot fudge, Please.
Okay. Sure. Anything else?
Can I get two large french fries?
Sure. Anything else?
And what is else good?
Oh!
How about two orders of
the 12-piece cheesy tots?
Hi. I'm Lucy.
Look, I just... I want everyone-
- to know that up until the day I died,
I was a vegetarian.
And I was fat.
I'm talking two-airplane-seats fat.
Fuck.
But I did have five very cool,
very pretty friends...
...Becky, Raye...
...George, Trevor...
And Austin.
Now...
If, in fact, you are a fat ass-
- and you would like to stay friends-
- with a group of very pretty
people, several rules apply.
Number one, always eat in private-
- so your weight will remain a mystery.
Number two, always dress
in workout clothes so that...
...you know, they'll think you're trying.
Number three,
be Sure to keep them laughing-
- because humor is very thinning.
Oh!
And rule number four...
And this is the most important one...
...always answer the
phone on the first ring...
Hello?
...because, honestly,
the fat friend is replaceable.
Although a vegetarian,
I did have one exception.
I could never give up hot dogs...
All-beef, plump, and juicy.
I'm a hot dog
Sitting in the fog
Waiting for my day
in the sun
And though I Miss you
Unfortunately, hot dogs
couldn't sing at my funeral,
- but I knew who would.
It had been a long time since I'd seen her,
- but if there was anyone-
- who could bring us all back together...
...it was Becky.
Hello?
Running late!
Hello? Hello?!
Mom, is this you?!
- No. It's Lucy.
- Lucy who?
Hey, becks.
Wait. "Lucinda" Lucy?
Oh, my god! How are you?!
I don't have a lot of time, Becky.
Oh, I'm sor...
Well, what's wrong, honey?
It's almost over.
Can you help me, Please?
Well...
...okay. O...
...okay.
Can you take a breath?
Lucy, I'm so sorry.
No. What is it?
Okay.
Uh, guys, can you Please settle down?
Open your books to chapter 14.
Of course, honey.
Mm-hmm.
No. I mean, what...
Yeah, whatever you need.
Okay. Just leave it to me.
All right.
Okay. The rules of reproduction.
Kelsey, get the lights, Please.
Respect, understand, learn,
- and when you're ready and
you feel it's your time, enjoy sex.
There's nothing funny up here, people.
Come on, Becky. It's Lucy.
How sick?
Really, really sick.
I was gonna ask her how sick.
She was hysterical.
Come on.
With her weight, it could be anything.
What's wrong with her?
She was vague but real upset.
Yaah. Naturally.
You know, she said there
wasn't much time left.
That's why she has to get us all together.
Hello, ladies.
Look, Becky, I got to go.
I got to fly 400 people
to Rome in 45 minutes.
Raye, she booked a beautiful lodge for us.
And we'll all be together again.
It'll be great!
And it's free!
Come on, honey.
They got big bugs in Montana.
Lucy spent six weeks calling
every student on campus-
- until you were elected
student-body president.
I Have an election coming up this fall,
- not to mention a newborn. I...
Raye jr., right?
Did you get the, uh,
the day gown I sent him?
You didn't get a "thank you" note.
I Was just wondering if it fits.
Okay. All right.
Look, you know what?
Let me talk to Mary,
- and, uh, Raye jr.
Thanks you for the pajamas.
It's a day gown.
Can't we just split a "pick me up"
bouquet and be done with it?
She's pulled the death card,
George. We got to go.
Hey, guys.
My friend here won the Grammy.
That little trophy fix
your pussy situation?
Sorry about sheila.
I Got no complaints.
Well, I got a boat on the lake, Trev.
Hooking pussy is as easy as clubbing seals.
Are you coming to Montana or what, man?
I Don't buy it.
Remember her heart attack?
That turned out to be a gas bubble?
And how about that, uh, hernia-
- she claimed she had her junior year?
Oh, yeah. Until you convinced
her that it was prostate cancer.
So, then George-
- talks her through a
rectal exam over the phone.
It was terrible.
An educated 20-year-old woman
thought she had a prostate?
Well, she was in love.
She was blind.
How else do you explain it?
Ma'am, you cannot have that on board.
Hmm?
Do we look Arab to you?
Give me the puffy paint.
I'm gonna expect that
back when we land.
I'm gonna write a letter...
In puffy paint.
See how she likes that.
Poor Lucy must have spent 30 minutes-
- trying to find that prostate.
You know, and George had her
on speakerphone, you know,
- so the whole fraternity could listen in.
You know, it's not funny.
Not funny?
Brother, did you not hear
the story you just told?
Please, call me "Raye," Mary.
Sure...
Brother Raye.
Want all those done by the time we land.
You know what?
Why don't you write the
damn things yourself?
They're your friends.
- It's your job.
- My job?
Yaah. Your job.
I Mean, giving a little boy a nightgown.
It's a day gown.
Oh, and she said to wash it in cold.
It ain't ever leaving the box.
Her husband's coming, too, right?
I've told you that five times already.
He bringing his day gown?
Okay. Don't start with me, Mary.
You're so noble to rush
to her side like this.
Most men I know wouldn't.
That's what life's about, right?
Mm-hmm.
You're single, right?
UH, yeah. I-I am.
I'm... I'm single.
See?
Oh. You, too?
Yaah.
Cheers.
Well, let me let the
airline buy you another.
That's awfully nice of you.
I know.
I thought you pilots flew
first class when off duty.
Well, we... We do,
- but the airline was
able to sell out at first,
- so I gave up my seat
'cause we need every penny.
Oh.
Well...
As long as there's a coupon
in here from the airline-
- for motels in Missoula...
I mean, think about it.
We were complete morons in college.
Void of the foresight to pick a career,
- much less lifelong friends.
We try to keep in touch, right?
But it's all such bullshit.
And the goddamn Christmas cards...
Fucking corny words,
the ugly kids in matching outfits.
You know, family.
Where's your parents?
They're dead.
They leave you a lot of money?
Some.
That's what I'm talking about.
Pound it down.
Ooh, captain.
- Ooh, beautiful.
- Austin?
Hi.
I hate to do this, but barb is so sick.
She's eight weeks and just
threw up all over the galley.
Look, I know you're on vacation,
- but we're about
to start second service.
Could you be a doll
and pinch-hit for Barb?
You're a flight attendant?
You're damn straight he is.
Oh, my god!
- I'll take that.
- Uh, yeah.
And how about a pillow, captain?
We hope you enjoyed
your stay in Montana,
- where big skies meet
even bigger possibilities.
Oh, my god. He came.
Be nice.
Hi.
- George.
- Becks.
Oh!
- You look good!
- Yeah.
Jesus Christ, Becky.
Halloween's not for like two months.
Oh, no.
No. This...
This represents fall, not Halloween.
This is good from,
you know, the fall equinox-
- all the way to thanksgiving day.
Everybody knows that.
No, they don't.
- Hey, you.
- Oh!
Oh. Oh.
Hey, Austin. How goes it, man?
You got any peanuts there?
I'm starving.
Why don't you, uh, go meet Richard?
Who?
Grandfather time over there?
Just be nice.
God!
I swear to god,
- you get better-looking
every time I see you,
- and I just keep acquiring baby weight.
What, you're pregnant?!
No. That's my point.
So, uh, Becky tells me
you're a commodities trader.
Yaah. Yeah.
I got a knack for pork bellies
and natural-gas futures...
Farting pigs, I like to call them.
Been a hell of a couple years.
So, are you traveling alone,
or are you with someone special?
- Ah, it's just me.
- Oh.
You know what, sweetie?
Your person's out there.
You're gonna find somebody.
I just know it.
I'm not worried, so...
Oh, good-
- let me get this.
Special person, huh?
Let the pronouns begin.
You're the principal for,
uh, Becky's school, right?
I'm the principal of the school-
- at which Becky and I are both employed.
- That's correct.
- Mm.
Look who we found!
- Congressman Raye Denis.
- Hi.
My pleasure.
I'm Becky's husband, Richard.
All. Richard.
It's, uh, nice to meet you.
Congressman Denis? Shit.
'Round here, we call him "penis Denis."
That's nice, George.
Even bigger possibilities.
I Reckon y'all are the
friends of Miss Lucy.
Causin' there's you two blacks,
is how I knew.
Don't get many blacks around here.
I'm Sam. I'm with the lodge.
Come on.
Miss Lucy's got beers waiting on you.
What about Trevor?
Miss Lucy said I was just getting you four-
- and the two blacks.
Now let's get.
I can't be driving at night.
I'll be glad to drive for you, Sam.
I have acute night vision,
- as well as a valid commercial license.
My eyes are fine, jackass.
Bus ain't got no lights.
Please return to your vehicle.
Come on.
Let's get a beer and shut up.
Youngest black U.S.
Representative in history?
Now you're going for the senate.
I'm proud of you, Raye.
Thanks, thumper.
Tell me, why am I still
sitting in the back of the bus?
Raye, you... You really can't
call me "thumper" anymore.
- Oh, my god!
- What?
Stop the bus!
Richard! Oh, god. Look at the fish!
I Plan on paying off the condo in a year.
You should see it, Austin...
...23rd floor,
3.500-square-foot corner unit.
Lake on one side, skyline on the other.
Oprah lives in my building.
But I'm higher up.
I'm doing great. Yeah.
Thanks, man.
- What?
- Oh, no.
I just thought maybe you
wanted to know how I was doing-
- and how my job is...
- Yeah.
...if I'm seeing a person.
Sure, man.
I mean, you know, you're a steward.
I know the story.
Still a steward, right?
Or flight attendant, you know.
Whichever works, but, yeah.
And my person?
Mm...
Well, uh, that's your business.
I'm all ears if I have to be.
I'm not gay, George.
Let's get!
Fat girls
Talking about cardio
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
Fat girls
Talking about cardio
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
They don't
They don't even know
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
They don't
They don't even know
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh
Here we go.
Watch your step.
Thank you.
You folks go on around back.
I'll get everything inside for you.
Becky.
I Will do it.
And I wish you would stop telling me...
...must be some kind
of wild west hospice.
And this is where she plans to die.
I Would. This place is pimp.
Pimp?
Um, it's like "spectacular," honey.
Why couldn't she just say that?
'Cause English is the forgotten language...
My friend.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh!
That's some shit.
Ooh, cheese.
I bet it's complimentary.
Five hours on a bus, and all
we get is some damn cheese?
Hello. Welcome to the Holland lake lodge.
Well, you must be my next ex-girlfriend.
Please ignore him.
Can we get into our rooms?
Honey, is there a bathroom nearby?
You okay?
It's me.
Ooh!
Oh, my god. Lucy?!
- Oh. Lucy?
- Holy shit!
- Lucy!
- She's beautiful.
Oh! Look at you!
Look at your hair and your body!
Oh, my god. Your breasts!
- Look at her tits.
- Look at your breasts!
- Aah!
- Oh!
Well, don't just stand there.
- Oh, my god!
- Wow.
J... I... Hi.
Hi.
- Oh!
- Oh. Lucy.
Oh, yes.
Hello.
Uh, you're not sick at all, are you?
I Knew she wasn't dying.
God!
Damn it!
Okay.
Oh.
- Whoo!
- Oh, my god.
She was in love with George?
That's what Raye said.
He said he took her virginity.
- Oh, no.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
Poor thing.
He's here!
I knew he'd make it.
Motherfuckin' three had a
concert in Miami last night,
- so he got a late start.
Motherfuckin' three?
Go, Trevor.
Motherfuckin' three?
Oh, it's a band, honey...
Uh, hip-hop.
You know, Trevor produces them.
Remember? He won the Grammy.
We don't listen to motherfuckin' three.
It took about two years
to get all the weight off.
That's why my McDonald's
stock went south.
All right. Come on, George.
- And my ice-cream futures.
- Dude.
No. It's okay.
He can make all the
fat jokes he wants to.
All of you can.
Now I really don't care.
How'd you lose it?
Burned a hole in those
"sweatin' to the oldies" tapes,
- didn't you?
I had gastric bypass surgery...
The week before your wedding,
which is why I wasn't there.
I'm sorry.
Oh. No worries.
You know, there are others at this table-
- that didn't make it
to the wedding either.
I was with her, Raye.
No, no, no.
Wait a second.
- You knew she wasn't dying?
- You knew about this?
"She's pulling the death card.
We got to go."
I Stayed with Trevor for the
two weeks after my surgery.
He gave me 'round-the-clock care.
- I owe Trevor my life.
- Well...
She didn't want to get
it in Des Moines, so...
She got the best Manhattan has to offer.
Lucy, why all the stories?
Why didn't you just tell us the truth?
What stories?
Honey, you said you were dying.
I'm sorry.
I never said I was dying.
I told you that I didn't have much time.
You were crying.
When did crying become fatal?
Okay. I'll bite.
Not much time for what?
Until I reach my goal weight.
I have 4 more pounds to lose,
- and I intend to do it
with all of you here.
Un-fucking-believable, Lucy.
Well, I've always heard those
surgeries are dangerous.
Being obese is what's dangerous, Becky.
No, she didn't.
Mary and I may have a
little extra baby weight,
- but no one here is obese.
Shouldn't your kid be in college by now?
Wha... She never said
that you were obese.
And I never said I had any baby
weight to lose either, Becky.
That is not what I meant, Becky.
I love you.
And, Mary, I hope that we can grow-
- to love each other, too, one day.
But more than anything...
...I love our memories.
Those memories are
what gave me the strength-
- to have the surgery in the first place.
I mean, over the years,
whenever I was unhappy,
- which was a lot of the time,
I would go back,
- and I would look at
all of our old pictures.
And, I mean, I was unhappy, you know,
- in a lot of those pictures, too,
- but at least I remembered
having hope, and then...
And then when we all split apart,
- it was like that hope
split apart, too, and...
Without all of you guys around, I just...
...I didn't care anymore, and I just...
...I just kept getting bigger
and bigger, and then...
And now I'm...
...I'm getting smaller and smaller,
- and in a way,
when the last 4 pounds are gone,
- the old me will die, and...
...I'll be surrounded by all of you,
- and the cycle will be complete.
Hear, hear.
Could it get any fucking better than this?
- Come on, George.
- You know what, Lucy?
Oprah lives in my building.
Next homeowners' meeting,
I'm gonna tell her about you.
She couldn't write this shit if she tried.
Jesus, George.
We all know Oprah lives
in your building, okay?
We also know how much money you make-
- and... And...
And how many girls you sleep with.
You know what, Lucy?
You know what the best part-
- about you getting
skinny all of a sudden is?
You don't have to be a fag hag anymore.
Oh, my god.
Does Oprah really live in his building?
Wow!
Wow!
Good night, Trevor.
Good night, Raye.
Good night, Raye.
Yeah?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I come in?
Sure.
Sweet dreams, everybody.
You look beautiful.
Thanks, Raye.
And I think it's great that
you have lost all this weight.
Almost all.
Yaah. okay.
Here's the situation.
I think if you would have
been up front with all of us,
- we could have found
a better time to come.
Raye...
There never is a better time.
Lucy, I'm really proud of you.
I'm... So proud of you.
But I can't stay.
Look, it's j... It's just a real
tough time for all of us,
- for me and George and Austin, Becky.
I mean, you know, it's life crap.
But...
Trevor's here, right?
Raye, how long have
we all known each other?
Well, in all that time from
way back then up until now,
- have I asked you to do anything?
Any of you, ever?
No.
Then Please stay.
Please.
How about a little nightcap?
I'm good. Thanks.
I love motherfuckin' three.
Thank you.
Mm.
"Fed my bitch a blade" is my favorite.
Ooh, when I set that shit
on repeat on my Nano,
- I could walk the treadmill for days.
Talented guys.
Mm-hmm.
Raye don't like me listening to hip-hop.
He says it makes black people look bad.
Hip-hop makes black people look genius.
- Heard it.
- Right?
Shit.
Since we've been married,
- the only black thing he's let us do-
- is go listen to Bill Cosby-
- tell his tired-ass jokes
down at the Lincoln center.
I had to put on a ball gown.
It's no night at the Apollo, huh?
Mm.
Hey, hey, hey!
Fat Albert is dead.
You know what I'm saying?
Shh. Shh.
Bring on motherfuckin' three!
Raye is never gonna come
around to motherfuckin' three.
But, you know...
He used to only date white women,
so you never know.
Mm.
Sorry.
It's okay.
I know all about Raye tapping the milkweed.
But if he now wants Condoleezza rice,
- he should have married her ass.
Gonna make me wake my husband.
This is some bullshit.
Go turn that shit off.
Time to go, everybody!
What the hell?!
Lucy, come on!
Come on, everybody!
Grab backpacks!
And go get Denis!
What the fuck?!
Lucy's planned a
four-day hiking trip for us.
Unh-unh.
You can count me out, miss skinny thing.
My ass is staying right here!
Did he say four days?
Come on, you guys. It'll be fun.
Where... Where are we gonna sleep?
Under the stars.
Um, black people haven't been camping-
- since the underground railroad,
and you ain't Harriet Tubman.
Okay. Now, look.
Why do you got to do that?
What? What?
You want to be here with me-
- or out there with the bugs?
It don't matter. Y'all got to go.
Got a new group coming in at noon.
Bus leaves in 20.
Uh, we don't have clothes for this.
What's the matter?
You don't have a sweater with
campfires and tents all over it?
I've taken care of everything.
I got these especially for you,
congressman.
"Motherfuckin' three"?
Oh, no, no. I can't wear this.
I am not gonna wear this.
Yes, you will.
Trevor?
Fed my bitch a blade
- Tr...
- Fed my bitch
Look at this!
Fed my bitch a blade
Son, the only signals
out here are from god.
Just keep heading east.
Only one trail.
Got about 8 miles of day ahead of you.
Is that a relatively flat 8,
or should I expect much of a grade?
Grade? How about in' I
get you a big ol' gold star-
- when you're done?
It's up and down.
Third night, you'll be bunking in big horn.
Be Sure and check under the cot fill.
Don't want any critters
to get frisky with you.
Critters?
Critters?
Uh, um, do you mean bug critters or...
..."Critter" critters?
Mice and such.
Maybe a snake or two.
You'll be long friends with the
bugs timin' you make big horn.
Sam, now, will there be
call boxes along the way?
Becky, it's the wilderness,
not the jersey turnpike.
It's a valid question.
I-I have a baby, Austin.
You know, what if there's an emergency?
How old is that kid now, anyway?
That kid's name is Thurman.
That's really gonna
help him with the ladies.
And he's 54 months.
That's 4 1/2 in human years.
Go to hell, George.
It's okay, honey.
He counts for a living.
You know, I did not sign up
to be part of the Donner party.
Did you think about
anyone else's circumstances-
- before you drug us all out here?
You guys, we're gonna have a great time.
I promise. Okay?
If-fen y'all ain't at pickup by Tuesday,
- we'll come looking for you.
What a perfectly antiquated rescue system.
We all feel much better now.
Thank you.
Well, we try.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you.
We'll see you.
Hurry up, start a run
You know, I know the rules
Or do you think I'm crazy?
You look old, so do I
Guess we're both the fools
With all this time left, waiting
Someday
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh, for the love of god!
And someday
Huh?
It's not funny, Trevor!
Sweetie?
Sweetie?
Hold you against the stars
How long was I gone?
And did you Miss me?
You know,
I think it's strange
We're here finally
Thought about you once
Maybe more than that
Tell me, tell me
Did you?
How long was I gone?
And did you Miss me?
You know,
I think it's strange
We're here finally
Thought about you once
But she's the one who
was screwing the boy band.
Doesn't matter.
She could have been fucking
anybody from sting to John Tesh,
- but if you want custody without
the courts, you got to pay up.
So, how's little Trev doing?
I Would have paid whatever.
- So, tell me, Raye.
- Hmm?
How'd you ever bear living with George?
Oh.
Yeah, it was me, Austin,
Trevor, and George.
That assemblage of men
takes the term "Motley Crew"-
- to a whole new level.
- Oh.
Hang on one second.
You know, George...
...It's like having a
puppy around, you know?
You deal with the chewed-up
shoes and the constant yelping-
- and the piles of shit everywhere-
- 'cause you hope in the end,
the loyal dog will emerge.
But, instead, you got Clifford,
the big red asshole.
Hey! Come on!
George isn't so bad.
I'm Sure deep down, there's a
good heart in there somewhere.
Besides, every group of friends
has their own George, right?
Georges don't change,
and we're stuck to them-
- with this glue of...
Of history and secrets, you know?
Kind of like politicians.
Ooh! Touch!
Why couldn't Lucy just...
Swim off the last 4 pounds?
Mm-hmm.
Like in Hawaii.
Doesn't a poolside daiquiri
sound good right about now,
- with a grilled cheese?
Hm.
Why are you tripping?
Oh. He don't know you smoke?
No.
No need to explain.
Why do you think I keep
my Zoloft in a Pez dispenser?
A government check is
the only antidepressant-
- accepted in the black community.
You want some?
Ooh.
Funny thing is,
I just started six months ago.
I always hated cigarettes.
But, um, I work with this teacher, Nancy,
- and she's been, you know,
- trying to quit using
those little nicotine gums,
- and she left one in the teachers' lounge.
I walked in, saw it,
and popped it in my mouth,
- and I got about 10
minutes into earth science,
- and I caught such a buzz.
Oh, and let me tell you,
that's the only way-
- to get through sedimentary rock, but...
That gum is $40 a box.
Yeah. I know.
Damn cigarettes cost less than the gum.
Well, what they don't know,
don't hurt 'em.
Ignorance is bliss, huh?
Mm. Ignorant man yield blissful women.
So, how long have you
and Richard been married?
Oh, 12 years now.
Mm.
Yaah. I met him right after college.
He was the principal at
the first school I interned at.
He had just lost his
wife in a car accident.
Shit.
Mm. He already had his PHD.
And I had my undergrad, and...
We were pretty anxious to start a family.
Same old crackers for 12 years?
Shit, girl. Raye and I just hit two.
And I'm already having problems-
- passing up a new bag of goldfish.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, how is that little boy of yours?
Thank you for the day gown.
It was real cute.
Did you get Raye's note?
'Cause he wanted to write
all y'all himself. Mm-hmm.
I Did. So sweet.
Yeah.
So, tell me...
After the baby,
did, uh, your weight gain-
- cause problems in the old sex department?
I Don't really want to talk about that.
Hm. Well, it did with us,
- and thank god it did 'cause Raye...
Ooh, god!
Too big!
Surely not.
Girl, if it don't fit, you must acquit.
Oh, you fucking douche bags!
One of you guys carry the wine for a while.
You're so sweaty!
Come on, chicken or fish, switch with me.
Well, I'm finding my way
up over that mountain
I'm gonna get so high
Gonna find my way
up over that mountain
Happy just to have it here
under my feet
Sweet little baby
walking next to me
Hurry up.
I've got a surprise for everybody.
Please, god. Let it be a helicopter.
Say "cheese"!
Isn't it incredible?
I knew it would be beautiful,
but not like this.
Just like the fucking
box of a jigsaw puzzle.
Hey, guys, guys.
Come here!
Come here! Come here!
Hurry up!
Wha... Wow!
Damn!
Who gets the blue ribbon?
You shit that out of your old ass, Richard?
Probably a moose, bison, or bear.
Bear?
You didn't say shit about any bears.
Bugs don't seem so bad now.
Ooh!
Well, hello, there, old friend.
You remember me?
We met at that R.E.M. Concert in '95.
What are you talking about?
Let's just say, before the concert,
I threw a proper tea party.
Then I made out with your wife.
No. We all did.
What are they talking about?
They're kidding.
They're only kidding.
I Didn't make out with her.
Yaah, yeah.
But she could have.
- Hey.
- See, Richard,
- before you turned Becky
into Miss doubt fire,
- we used to know her as
"thumper" back in the day.
Shut up!
Somebody get some water over a fire.
- I'll get some wood.
- No, no, no. Hold on.
What are we gonna do about dinner?
- I'm drinking mine.
- Me too.
Ooh. Me too.
The only mushrooms I ever had
before were on a large pizza.
Okay.
Come on.
Come to papa.
Damn, Lucy.
We walking to Boston for this tea party?
Come on, Mary.
Just a little further.
I know the perfect spot.
How long does it take?
Never know, but...
It should be subtle.
That's what you said back in '95.
Come on, thumper.
Take a sip.
I want my kiss later.
My wife doesn't take drugs, George.
Mine either...
Except I don't know
where my wife is right now.
Don't worry, Raye.
I didn't see any c-span
trucks parked around here.
So, tell me, Lucy, why Montana?
Why drag us all the way out here-
- for your little
psychedelic ode to R.E.M.?
Oh, dude, please take a sip of this-
- for all our sakes, will you?
My family came to the lodge every summer,
- and every summer,
they would go on the exact same hike-
- that we're on right now.
But I always had to stay behind-
- because they didn't
think I could make it,
- so over these same three days,
I would just sit in the lodge with Sam,
- and we would...
We would roast hot dogs and play checkers,
- and I would always promise myself...
That the next summer,
I would lose weight-
- so that I could go on the hike,
but then I just...
...I just got bigger and bigger, and...
Well, I'm here now.
So he gave a fat child hot dogs?
We'll keep the pot hot for you, Becky.
That's real mature, Becky.
Um when's the part we start having fun?
I'm sorry.
Don't be, girl.
If something good
comes from all this, then...
Oh, shit.
There she is.
Sister tingle's knocking at my door!
Oh!
Me too, I think.
I feel like you do when you...
You finally get to pee after
holding it in for a long time.
Is that it?
Yaah, but you don't pee.
Right?
Wait. okay.
Everybody stand up and follow me.
Listen, this ground's feeling so good.
Can't we just sit here, Please?
I Have a surprise.
We've had enough of your
surprises, Lucy. Please!
...I was mistaken
Young hearts were breaking
It's warm!
Girl, my ass and feet are
in love with you right now.
Uh-huh. Hey, get ready to see
some sushi-grade cock, ladies.
No way.
Does that fit in a hand roll, George?
Last one in shares a tent with George.
All right.
Let's go set up the tent.
You go set up the tent.
Mary?
You think I'm sleeping with George?
Mary, I am warning you!
Close your eyes, boys!
What do you think you're doing?!
Either get in the water or leave.
I Am not getting in the water.
In the moonlight,
I was mistaken
I wasn't faking on my quest
to love you less
- Oh, yeah.
- Hot, hot, hot.
Hot, hot.
Yo, Trev!
Come on.
Get in the water there, pussy boy!
Trevor, come on.
It feels great.
They had to remove a little excess skin.
Well, damn!
How much skin can you take off?
You think you can take some of this?
You have no idea.
You skinny bitch.
You're beautiful.
Own that shit.
Thank you.
All right, boys. We coming in.
Close your eyes.
Come on, Lucy!
I saved you a seat!
Slide by me, Mary!
Come on!
Hey, Trev!
Come on. Get your ass in here!
Fuck!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Aah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
He's just a baby!
Fuck you, George!
Oh, Lord.
Oh, Lord.
George, I'm gonna kill you!
Hey, long as it works, chicken little.
Mm.
Where have you been?
Just walking around.
Did you do a lot of drugs in college?
No, Richard.
Mnh-mnh.
- I don't like your friends.
- I know.
I'm sorry. It's...
Just been so long since
we've all been together.
I think...
Finding our footing isn't easy.
Did you fuck any of them, thumper?
Because I'd really like to know.
No.
Richard, I told you,
that's just a stupid...
Baseless nickname that
got out of control and stuck.
You're the only man I've ever been with.
Not now, Becky.
Honey...
You've read "atlas shrugged"
like fives times.
It's a classic.
No. It's a prop.
Do you want one of the Viagra?
I brought them with us.
Viagra aids an erection, not desire.
You need desire to get an erection.
Read the label.
Do you even remember
the last time we had sex?
Your birthday.
Exactly. That was in June.
Don't worry.
Christmas is just around the corner.
I'm trying very, very hard, Richard.
I'm going to find everybody else.
- Do you want to come with me?
- No.
Marco?
- Polo.
- Polo.
Marco?
Come on. Play with me.
Oh-ho!
Do you smell asparagus?
Rolling down
Thumper to the rescue!
Oh, yes, yes.
Okay! Here I come!
Move over!
Move over!
Geronimo!
All!
When we touch ground
Look there, 'cause
we just scored a touchdown
Ooh, thumper!
What was that for?
That's because you're an asshole.
How you feeling?
After a 12-year hiatus, pretty damn good.
Ah.
Mm.
Everybody turn around when we roll
Rolling down
Trying to get high tonight
High tonight
Rolling down
Oh, I'm a fountain.
My vagina's made of glass.
Hey, what is that?
Ooh!
- Me.
- What?
How much of that shit did you bring?
I Had the remains of my surgery cremated,
- and these are the ashes.
Oh, Jesus.
Seriously?
- Yeah.
- That's fucked.
Try being the asshole
calling all over Manhattan,
- looking for someone
to cremate a stomach.
I've been spreading them
a little bit along the trail,
- and I'd like to
sprinkle a little in here.
"Here" where?
In here with you guys.
- In the water?
- Yes.
I Don't want to be sitting in no
damn burned-up stomach water.
There went my buzz.
Oh, my god! This is so much fun!
- We got to beat the sun.
- No, no. Let's watch it rise.
No, we can't.
We have 8 miles today.
Will you come sleep in my tent?
I don't want to be alone.
Shut up!
It's your trip.
Go, go, go!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Good night.
Skinny bitch.
So, did you see those nips on Mary?
I mean, like, we could have
tossed a game of horseshoes.
Oh, man, the sun's coming up.
Ahh.
I love it when the sun and the
moon are in the sky together.
Aren't they always in the sky together?
Come on, George.
Where?
Come over here.
Lay your head back.
See it now?
Yaah.
It's nice.
God, it's so beautiful.
It's like a celestial
changing of the guards.
You and I are the only
two people getting to see it.
Ah.
Man.
God, look at the stars.
You know, we don't have stars in L.A.
I mean, we have them,
but you can't see them.
I like the moon,
but I like the sun, I think.
I-I...
But then, you can't have
the moon without the sun-
- 'cause the sun's got to
light up the moon anyways,
- so it's like,
I guess I got to like them both.
Can't really do that.
Oh, man.
Maybe I like the sun better.
I don't know.
Get off, you fuck!
What the fuck, George?!
What the fuck?!
You're... I-It's fine!
George, it's fine!
You don't have to...
You don't have to go, George!
Come on!
George!
Holy shit.
I Like mine well-scrambled.
Yaah. Me too.
You got any creamer for that?
This is Jamaican blue mountain.
Cream and sugar would be sinful.
Well, I didn't ask for sugar.
So, Raye, how's the senate run shaping up?
Well, the polls look pretty good,
- but, you know, that could all change.
Well, your constituents
ought to be eternally grateful-
- for what you've done within
the African-American community.
You know, soon after your first election,
- I fell asleep on the couch watching CNN.
I heard this passionate plea-
- calling for the regulation
of the recording industry.
Ah.
A Truly compelling case-
- exposing the evils of certain lyrics-
- and what they do to
the minds of our youth.
See, Becky and I serve
the public-school system.
Of course you do.
Well, uh, the bill died, but, uh...
Thank you, Richard.
It was you behind the podium, Raye.
Right.
No, no. What I'm saying is that
I could have blindly listened-
- to your voice for hours and
never known the difference.
What difference?
Well, I mean, it was you.
It could have been any
number of representatives-
- behind that podium.
All, yes.
You mean white representatives.
I'm just saying, well done.
Thank you.
I Think I saw some cream around here.
I'll go get it.
Mmm.
Damn, that smells good.
I'm starving.
Well, when you skip dinner...
...morning, morning.
Oh. That smells good.
Oh, coffee, coffee.
Coffee! Thank god!
No. That's... That's Richards coffee.
I'll make you another pot.
Is he gonna drink the whole pot?
No.
No, he's not.
You know what?
Do you want some coffee?
Yeah. Does everybody want some coffee?
Uh, you overcooked the eggs, baby.
You know what?
Those eggs are for Richard and me.
And so is the coffee, by the way.
Good morning to you, too, asshole.
We agreed to be on the trail at 7:00,
- and that's when I plan to leave.
Well, you could have woken me up, Raye.
You know what?
I tried, Mary.
So, have fun breaking down the tent.
So, you'll share your coffee with Raye?
Seriously.
It's just coffee, you guys.
Oh, it's Jamaican blue mountain,
and it's so special!
Welcome to caf passive-aggressive.
You know what, Trevor?
It was you and your little
party that made you late.
That is not our fault.
Mmm!
These eggs are good, baby.
God damn it, Mary! My eggs!
Stop it!
Fuck you, Raye!
All of you!
You're ruining my fucking trip!
Come on, Richard.
I'll tell you what I'm
gonna do with that tent.
I'm gonna throw it in the fire.
Hey, guys. Wait up.
Did I make a big mistake?
Lucy, look at yourself.
You're... You're beautiful.
- What?
- Y-you... Look at you.
No. I heard you the first time.
I'm just...
...I mean, was the hike a big mistake?
Oh. Was manipulating us-
- for your own selfish reasons a mistake?
I Just wanted to walk with
everybody, you know, together,
- like I had imagined.
So you had the surgery
for a three-day hike?
No. I did it so I could get laid.
What I really,
really would like to do is fuck.
Join the club.
I'm a virgin.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
What about George?
Never happened.
Come on.
I Denied it because I was embarrassed.
I don't know.
You're serious.
Wha... Being a virgin is nothing
to be embarrassed about.
Oh, bullshit.
I mean...
...I could have had sex plenty of times,
- but I was just never comfortable
enough to get naked, and then...
You know, having slept with George...
It seemed less pitiful
than being a fat-ass virgin.
Holy shit.
I've never told anybody that before.
I'm not gonna say a word.
My shrink was right...
That feels good.
So, no more secrets?
No more secrets.
So, you're just gonna leave
me hanging here or what?
What?
Well, I just told you my big,
deep, dark secret,
- so you have to tell me yours.
Fair enough.
Okay. Oh, this is awful.
You... You can't...
You can't tell anyone.
I Won't.
No. I could lose my job.
Oh, god, just spill it.
I Had sex with a passenger-
- on an overnight through Rome.
- No way!
Well, it was just a
blow job in the galley, but...
Just a blow... okay.
W-Whatever.
I'll spare you the presidential semantics,
- but it was one of the most horrible...
Also, it was one of the hottest things-
- I've ever done in my life.
Oh, my god!
So, how did you pull that off?
Who was he? What was his...
What was his story?
He?
Oh, my god.
It's cool. Whatever.
Who was he?
Her name was Susan.
She sat in 4-F, and she sucked the cum...
Okay! okay.
That is totally cool.
Listen, if you ever feel like...
You want to really talk about it,
- then, you know, I'm here to listen.
Okay?
When... When we...
...when we landed,
I fucked the shit out of her!
I Know. I know you did.
I know you did.
- I'm just gonna go up the trail.
- Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Mm!
How long are you planning on ignoring me?
I Don't know, Mary. I...
We had fun last night, Raye.
Well, I didn't.
You could have.
You chose not to.
You always choose not to.
That's not my fault.
Oh. 'cause it's never your fucking fault.
Why are you always
sweating the little stuff?
Sweating? No, no.
I'm not sweating, Mary.
I'm upset!
I want my wife to act like a Lady.
I don't want her taking
drugs or taking her clothes off.
I mean, Jesus.
You know what, Mary?
You have a responsibility to this marriage.
You have a responsibility to my career.
I mean, all of this "child"
and "girl" and "peeps."
I mean, come on.
Enough with the fucking Ebonics shit, Mary.
Guess what, Raye. You're black!
We're black!
That's how black people talk!
I Swear, I don't even
know you anymore, Mary.
Those words and phrases
that you hate so much-
- have done more for the races-
- than you and your motherfucking
peeps in Washington ever did!
You want to know me?
You want to...
You... You want to know who I am?
Well, here. Listen to this.
That's who I am.
Hey! George!
George, wait up.
Wait. Wait up a second.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
How you feeling today?
I'm okay.
I'm just trying to...
Sweat this stuff out, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I don't know when I've
ever been so fucked up.
Sure is beautiful up here, huh?
Yaah.
Listen, George, uh...
...I don't want you to feel weird...
About what happened, okay?
What are you talking about?
Last night in the hot springs.
Like I said,
I've never been quite so
fucked up in my whole life.
Okay. Um, before you go into some story-
- about how the mushrooms
made you do some things-
- you otherwise wouldn't do,
I'm gonna stop you.
What are you talking about?
Don't ruin the only real moment
we probably ever had between us.
What?
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
And I don't care, okay?
We're friends, and...
And we're cool.
Hey. You trying to include
me in your little fag fantasy?!
It's not cool!
Fuck you!
Fed my bitch a blade
She's so fucking crazy
Fed my bitch a blade
That cunt is cheating on her baby
Fed my bitch a blade
It's gonna cut her up inside, yo
She was sucking on cock
in the rite aid alley
I fucked him up
Next, them niggers so afraid,
she comes back with
Sorry, baby
Shut the fuck up,
eat the blade, bitch
Fed my bitch a blade
She's so fucking crazy
Fed my bitch a blade
This looks like a good spot to make camp.
What do you guys think?
Should I get dinner started?
I can make spaghetti.
I make a mean red sauce.
Sounds good to me.
- You got any garlic bread?
- Oh.
All right. Spaghetti it is.
Who wants to go, uh,
help me get some wood?
Oh, my god.
George?
All right.
Oh.
Thank you, Becky.
It's gonna be great.
Okay. Please.
Look, it just shakes out.
It shakes out.
I Know what it does.
I'm aware of the shaking.
Be careful.
- I got it.
- A lot of bees in here.
I don't want you disturbing stuff.
- Ooh.
- It's not a contest.
No. I-I...
Didn't think it was a contest.
Ooh. Thought it was a bee.
D-don't move, George!
Just stay perfectly still!
Don't fucking move!
- There's a great big bear
- What?
He's always roaming
for his dinner
And he's not gonna share
Take a bite of...
Oh, fuck.
Aaaaah!
Come on!
He's under your feet
Sorry about that.
That damn fella would not go down.
I juiced him three times,
and he still went for 2 miles.
What are we supposed to do now?
If I were you,
I'd, uh, pick your buddy up-
- and move down the trail a couple miles.
Hey, George.
- Come on.
- Get the fuck off me.
George, I'm trying to help you up.
- Come on, help me.
- Get the fuck off me!
Fine.
Help yourself up.
This is so great!
I mean, come on.
It's September, and I'm tasting snow.
Come on, Becky.
Open your mouth.
I swear, it almost tastes sweet.
I'm more concerned-
- about getting to wherever
it is you're taking us.
What's for dinner?
Um, I have some cereal,
- or I think I have some fruit in my pack.
- You guys are welcome to it.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What happened to spaghetti?
Fuck!
It's dark, guys.
I Can't be hungry in the dark?
You better have an emergency plan.
There's no emergency.
Uh, how about mayday to chili's?
Miss thing, you invited
us on this little field trip,
- so you better be air-lifting
some ribs up in here!
Ain't that right, Trev?
Come on, Mary.
Let's just eat light.
Then we'll have a big breakfast
in the morning, okay?
Whoa, wait. Eat light?
Miracles do happen, you guys.
Lucy just said, "eat light."
Ow.
It was a joke! Come on!
You said we could make jokes.
Great.
It's me. I'm sorry!
Faggot!
So cold.
I'm definitely not looking to
have any more kids, Raye.
Well, maybe we should be air-lifting you-
- an electric blanket up
in here with them ribs.
Shoot.
Throw in some grape kool-aid.
Ooh, honey, child!
Ooh, babe.
You know what I'm
talking about, bee-yotch.
Not half bad.
Yeah.
Well, it wasn't meant to be funny, Mary.
- That's how you sound.
- How I sound?
You know what I'm talking about.
How I'm s...
No, no, no. Go ahead.
- No, no. Not...
- Yeah, yeah, now, Raye. Now!
- Not tonight, Mary.
- Now!
Or maybe I should go out
there and tell your friends-
- about the real black man I married.
Okay. You know what?
Why don't you just go to sleep?
The man who came way
down capitol hill one night-
- and started sending this
girl cheap champagne,
- got her good and drunk, too,
and told her his name was Tuan.
That is my name.
Who knows that, Raye,
- other than me, you, and your mama?
But big dick Tuan didn't
think that this ghetto girl-
- could have possibly have gone to college,
- and he definitely didn't think
she wanted to have his baby.
No-o-o.
The senate hopeful-
- wasn't thinking about his
career that night, was he?
All right.
Shut up, Mary!
I do hope...
The fall election comes out in
your favor, congressman Tuan.
Just so you know...
...I won't be there.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Do you want to share an apple?
No, thanks.
Mind if I join you for a second?
I'm really tired, so...
...well...
...I'm really sorry.
Forget it. Could you just go?
No. It was insensitive,
and I shouldn't have said it.
Well, I've developed a
thick skin over the years.
People like you and me have to.
I'm glad you're getting happy, Lucy.
- That's all I want, too.
- The point of this trip was...
I'm so stupid.
There's a lot you don't understand.
Fuck off, Austin.
Okay?
You and the six other
emotional disasters out there.
Coming from the virgin?
We didn't make you fat, Lucy.
Get out of my tent.
Now.
Hey.
What's going on?
What happened?
Move over.
Uh, Mary...
What's going on?
My tent got way too crowded, Trevor.
Just go to sleep.
Here. Get in.
Where you going?
Well...
You're welcome to stay here.
But I'm gonna go stay
with George or Lucy.
I Could have joined George or Lucy.
But I came in here instead.
We can't do this.
Do what?
We're just gonna sleep, Trevor.
There ain't no way in hell
we're gonna get any sleep.
Then I'm glad we're in agreement.
Take your pants off.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I Appreciate you in
ways you've never known.
Good night, Mary.
Hey.
All. I didn't hear you get up.
You didn't hear a lot of things, dude.
She's gone.
I woke up, and all her shit was gone.
She leave a note or anything?
Nope.
Did she wake any of you?
So, was, uh, Mary with her?
No.
Oh, I see how it is.
No, you don't, Raye.
Lucy?!
Lucy?!
- What?
- Lucy?!
What do you see, Raye?
- Tell me what you see!
- Lucy?!
- This is bullshit.
- Oh, but it is.
I know it is.
You don't have to tell me, Raye.
- I know it's bullshit!
- Lucy, come on!
Lucy?!
Lucy?!
- Lucy?!
- Lucy?!
Don't talk anymore
We've been through this before
My head is in my hands
Tried, but you
will never understand
That even though
I have to let you go
Before I leave,
I need for you to know
That I'm here
Oh, oh
Always here
here
Here
oh, oh
Always here
here
Though you'll never see me
Baby, Please believe me
I am here
Still no sign of Lucy.
- Fuck her.
- What?
She's an attention-starved
cunt if you ask me.
You don't mean that.
I'm tired. I'm hungry.
I'm constipated. My shins hurts!
I mean, what the fuck
are we doing here, anyway?!
Hey.
Come on, now.
I Miss my son, Thurman.
You know, I didn't expect
to be out of touch this long.
I really got how happy he made me.
You know, I... I've never been
apart from my son, okay?!
It's cool.
No, it's not cool,
'cause every time I bring it up,
- you all give me shit for it.
And then I have to go home-
- and hear the same
thing again from Richard.
So it's not okay!
Listen...
If you tell anybody about this,
I'm gonna have to kill you.
I had a conference call this morning.
That's why I was up so
early making breakfast.
How do you get a signal?
I have one that's much smaller than this.
It's not a cell.
It's a satellite phone.
Mf3 gave it to me.
We got a lot of shit going on right now.
- Can I use it?
- No, Becky.
I thought I'd show you a telephone-
- and then not let you use it.
Listen, when we stop for lunch,
- you just go off somewhere
and call your little boy.
I talked to little Trev this morning.
Yeah.
Feel better?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Oh, oh
I'm here
I'm here
Oh, oh
Always here
here
Though you'll never see me
Baby, Please believe me
I am here
oh, oh
Always here
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never really gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Never gone
Da, da-da, da, da, da
Ooh
Da-da da-da
I Miss you so much, baby.
No. He's around.
No.
The phone's a secret, silly.
Why don't you tell me
how much you Miss me?
'Cause I want to hear you say it.
Mm.
No!
I can't do that.
'Cause I can't do that.
I'm in the woods.
Okay.
You go first.
Unzip your pants.
Will you bump it up against the phone?
Yeah. I want to hear him.
'Cause I Miss him.
I hear him. Hello?
I Miss you.
Okay.
What do you want me to do?
Okay. It's going in.
Okay. Say hello to her.
Oh, yeah.
I'm very, very hot!
What the fuck, Trevor?!
Fuck!
What the fuck, Becky?!
- Hey!
- Are you okay?!
Yaah.
What's wrong with your pants?
Nothing.
Have you been chasing rabbits, Trevor?
Did he catch any... Thumper?!
That's my wife, asshole!
Hey. Bro.
You don't understand.
I snuck off to use the phone,
and I-I bumped into Becky,
- who was trying to go to the bathroom.
I surprised her.
Are you okay?
Yaah. I'm okay.
Yeah. I just... I got scared.
I was embarrassed,
and I was going to the bathroom.
Well, wait. You've had a
working phone this whole time?
God damn it, Trevor.
I got to call the office.
Let me use it.
Hey.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I Don't know what to say.
Well, as long as that
wasn't your son on the phone...
You don't have to say anything at all.
No. I called... I...
...okay. I called Thurman first,
and I made a second call...
Made a call after that call.
I made it... I'm having an affair.
I Don't need to hear this.
He's the football coach at my school.
There. I said it.
I'm deaf.
Oh, god.
I'm awful, right?
Yeah.
I'm awful.
Oh, my god.
Becky...
...Richard's a dick.
He wasn't always like that, though.
Yaah. But he is now.
And you're human.
Look...
Frankly, I'm glad you still got it in you.
Come on. Fucking around-
- comes from either
selfishness or loneliness,
- and you're far from selfish.
Thank you.
I know sheila put you through a lot.
No.
You don't.
Look, sheila was a selfish bitch,
- and she fucked around on me, but...
Well...
...she left me 'cause
my dick was too small.
Trevor, I'm Sure that wasn't it.
She put it in the goddamn divorce papers.
I'm so sorry.
And the worst part...
The judge was a woman,
as was the bailiff.
But...
...when the dust settled,
I realized that...
Adultery's a 50/50 fuck up.
Don't forget that.
What do I do, Trevor?
Well, for starters,
you could have your football coach-
- buy me a new phone.
This has to be it.
Lucy, you in there?!
Oh, she'd better be in here.
There better be a toilet in there, too.
Welcome to big horn.
That was really inconsiderate
leaving like that this morning.
You could have told somebody.
I Found some beautiful
wild greens this morning,
- so I made a terrific dressing.
Would anyone object if I tossed the salad?
Uh, do you have any
ranch or thousand island?
No. Just what I made.
Then why'd you ask?
Smells good. What's cooking?
Spaghetti.
Do you need any help?
No. Just help yourselves to some wine.
Everyone get comfortable.
I've taken care of everything.
Sounds good to me.
Who wants a drink?
This place is amazing.
You okay?
Yaah. I'm fine.
Can I do anything, or...
...no.
Just go get some wine.
How is everything?
The sauce is delicious.
Thank you.
There's plenty more.
- Here's to Lucy.
- No.
No. Allow me. I'd like to
raise my glass to all of you.
For years, you all set the standard-
- for what I dreamed to look like,
act like, and be one day.
All I ever wanted was
to be like one of you.
But now I realize that
if that dream came true,
- I could never be happy
because I would be nothing-
- but a self-loathing person
who's undersexed, racist,
- misogynistic,
homophobic, a dormant slut...
And a ghetto-fabulous fat ass.
Excuse me?
You got a lot of nerve, Lucy.
You bitch.
We only came here for you.
No. You showed up.
But now I'm the one
who's finally getting happy,
- and I'm surrounded by a
bunch of miserable losers.
You should have
chosen suicide over surgery.
And if becoming any of you-
- is what it means to finally have sex,
- then I'll gladly die a virgin.
He lied.
Obviously.
Well, if this is what it
means to have you skinny,
- we'd rather have you
put your fat coat back on.
Hey.
Sorry.
- Oh, my god.
- Sorry. Shh.
- What are you doing?
- Just come with me.
Where? What?
Just trust me and come with me.
- Right now?
- Yes. Right now.
- Come on.
- All right.
- Where are you taking me?
- Ah, you'll see.
This is ridiculous.
Oh.
What...
Are you up to?
When did you do all this?
After everybody went to bed.
Come on.
This is very sweet, but...
I'm okay.
You don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
I'm really sorry about
everything that I said.
You don't have to prove
anything to me... Ever, okay?
I Know.
Wait. Is this some kind
of like a mercy fuck?
- I mean, is that what this...
- Yes, it is.
And I am begging you,
Please have mercy on me.
You've got the corkscrew
- I've got the wine
- Um...
Okay. okay.
Okay, okay, okay!
Ow.
No, no. Let's go.
- Okay. okay.
- Hit me like that again.
Then I will share with you
this bottle of hooch
You got your corkscrew
Sex only gets better.
Is that a promise?
Oh!
How much further?!
When we get to the bus, we're there.
Oh, thank god.
We're getting back on a school bus!
Now we can really be comfortable again!
- Where's there?
- It's the pickup spot, dude.
- Relax.
- No. You relax!
The word "relax" and
this three-day cluster fuck-
- don't actually go together.
Hey, let us go
Let us see
where we're going today
Another divide
Then we separate
Every time, every break
in this simple road
Hey.
How was the hike, George?
It was good, Sam. Thanks.
Good, then.
Maybe they know
Maybe they see
Not what we are
What we're becoming
Maybe it's true
Maybe we win
But somehow, we're back
Where we start again
La-la, la
La-la, la
La-la, la-la, la, la, la
La-la, la-la, la, la, la
La-la, la-la, la, la, la
La, la, la
I'm sorry about, um, the other day.
What?
In the hot springs.
The way I acted.
It's okay.
You know, my...
My dad's sick, right?
No. I didn't know that.
You know I would have said something.
No, it's okay.
It's... It's... It's okay.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I know what he means to you.
Yaah. Well, um, anyway...
...once he dies...
It'll be easier.
He's in a lot of pain.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I shouldn't have pushed you down.
Thanks.
Is your offer still good?
Keeping, uh...
Keeping it between us?
Of course.
When we're young
We set our hearts
upon some beautiful idea
Maybe something from a holy
book or french philosophia
Upon the thoughts
of better men than us
We swear by and decree
A perfect way
to end the war of ways
The only way to be a
Work of art
Oh, to be a work of art
A work of art
Oh, to be a work of art
But in time,
a thought comes tugging...
Lucy!
Ooh! Aah!
Perhaps no perfect way
exists
I never thought 4 pounds
would weigh so much.
Oh. Oh, my god!
Are you okay?!
I am.
Is everyone okay?!
You're all right?
Yes. I'm okay.
Richard?!
Is everyone okay?
Damn it!
All right. Listen up!
Is anyone seriously hurt...
Broken bones, contusions?!
How is everyone's breathing?!
Richard?!
Come back here!
Richard needs help!
It's okay, Trevor.
We're okay.
Yeah. You're gonna be fine.
Becky, don't move him.
You got to keep him perfectly still.
- It's my fault everyone's hurt!
- No, no, no, no, no.
We're hurt because there was
a dead man driving the bus.
Okay.
We're gonna get you out of here.
One of you needs to go for help!
I'll go.
Just take care of Trevor.
Okay.
Yeah.
I Can't feel my legs yet.
I'm all right. I'm okay.
Okay. good.
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
- Okay.
- I'm okay.
We're okay. We're okay.
Where's George?
- Oh, god.
- George?!
George!
Are you all right?
You okay?
All right. Come on, buddy.
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Trevor.
Drink.
You were all living your own lives,
- minding your own business
until I brought you here.
I'm so sorry.
Becky...
...just relax, honey.
I Know about coach merry weather.
I've known since day one.
I Don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I haven't done things well.
I'll do it better next time 'round.
I'll always love you, thumper.
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard?
Richard.
Richard.
I Was now the thin girl in a
group of very pretty people.
But I felt like the ugliest of them all.
But then life went on like it always does.
And our lives got better...
Even easier...
Because all our fear
died on the bus that day.
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
Even George's.
Thought of you
And where you'd gone
Hey, there's, uh,
hot dogs if anybody wants one.
Ooh. You don't have
to tell me twice, coach.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Are you all coming?
We'll be a minute.
Just got lost and slept
right through the dawn
You ready?
Yeah.
Oh.
Anybody want this?
I
Let the day go by
I
Always say goodbye
I watch the stars
from my windowsill
The whole world is moving
And I'm standing still
- Oh!
- Oh, god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!
I can't!
Guys! Ooh!
These aren't supposed to leak!
You put him in that?!
It's from my best set.
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here
I love you, Richard!
- Oh!
- Oh-ho!
Get me up, fat ass!
Thanks, Richard!
Help me out of here, fat ass!
And the world spins madly on
And the world spins madly on
And the world
We should put all our shit in Tupperware.
Senator Denis?
Yes?
Congratulations on the election.
Thank you.
Quite a nail-biter.
Yeah.
Is this seat taken?
Oh. Uh, uh, no, no.
- Absolutely not.
- Thank you.
Please.
- Champagne?
- Oh.
Well...
Cheers.
I'm Suzanne.
I'm... Well, you know...
You know who I am because you did the...
Yes, I do.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Do you, um...
You live in D.C.?
Chevy chase.
Close enough.
...yes, it is.
I'm on plane
To leave
Hanging in the air
between you and me
My heart is big
Oh, Suzanne.
Suzanne, Suzanne, Suzanne.
Wait. No, no. Just hang on.
Come here.
I've seen you fall
And rise
And hide the weakness
like you're hiding a crime
It takes you so long
To cry
And closes
more than it opens inside
When it's all crashing in
around you
And no one wants
to see you in
I'll stay around
when you get dark
Lean into me
And I'll put my hand
over your heart
Lean into me
Well, I'm just like you
I bleed
Sometimes it hurts so bad,
I can't even breathe
But you cannot sail a storm
And you can't carry
the weight on your own
I'll stay up
and hold you all night
If you just need
to let it g-o-o-o-o
I'll stay around
when you get dark
Lean into me
And I'll put my hand
over your heart
Lean into me
Lean into me
When it's all crashing in
around you
I'll walk with you
through the r-a-a-ain
I'll stay around
when you get dark
Lean into me
And I'll put my hand
over your heart
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me
Lean into me