Primetime (2026) Movie Script
1
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
For a virgin--
For a virgin,
for a virgin to have sex...
For a virgin
to have sex, it hurts.
So, I will have to put some...
extra lubricant.
Lubricant.
You see how this looks, right?
So sorry, morning tuna
is rushing downstream
a little early.
- How early?
- Five minutes.
He'll be at the house
in two minutes.
What the fuck,
two minutes?
You told me
five fucking minutes.
-I have ears.
-I would never say...
Why aren't you
downstairs at your station?
I have monitors--
Ready?
Let's go.
All cameras are recording.
Car, car, car.
Visual confirmation
on 99 Dodge pickup.
Okay, coming down
the driveway. Here he is.
Takedown team in position.
All right.
He's not
getting out of the car.
Copy that.
Mitchell,
pan camera two. Come on.
He appears to be unarmed.
Is this the Marine?
Yeah.
Take your positions.
Oh, shit
Oh, shit
Oh, shit
They ain't ready for this
-Oh, shit
-Oh!
It's me, Fergie
The Pen
Polow
Fergie Ferg,
what's up, baby?
Come on, come on
When I come
to the club step aside
Oh, shit
Part the seas, don't be
having me in the line
Oh, shit
VIP 'cause you know
I gotta shine
Oh shit
I'm Fergie Ferg,
and me love you long time
Oh shit
All my girls
get down on the floor
Oh, shit
Back to back,
drop it down real low
-Oh, shit
-I'm such a lady
-But I'm dancing like a ho
-Oh, shit
'Cause you know I don't
give a fuck, so here we--
Perimeter
breached. He's coming.
He's coming.
Showtime.
Hey, what's up?
Hey.
How are you--
how are you doing?
Come on in.
Oh.
Okay.
I just gotta put some
stuff in the wash real quick.
Oh, okay.
I made some cookies.
They're on the counter.
There's sweet tea, too.
I'm excited by the way.
Okay.
Thank-- thank you.
Are you sure
your parents aren't home?
I'm sure.
You say you baked these?
Yeah.
Did you bring any
of that stuff we talked about?
Yeah, I, um, I have
a bunch of beer in the car,
but I-- I brought the condoms.
Big night planned.
How you doing?
I'm...
I'm good.
Who, wh-- who are you?
We'll get to that.
Why don't you
have a seat right there?
I-- I'm just here to meet her.
Meet who?
Your-- your daughter.
My daughter?
What makes you think
it's my daughter?
Please, sir, I--
I'm divorced.
I-- I-- I just got divorced.
"I will undress you
and you will undress me.
For a virgin
to have sex, it hurts."
I-- I wasn't here
for any bad reason.
"So,
I will have to put--"
"I will have to put
some extra lubricant."
"Some extra lubricant."
Please, sir,
I have a little girl at home.
She's only 4.
You're here at the house
of a 13-year-old girl.
Sir, I-- I--
I was just talking.
It-- it's-- it's just chat.
It's not just
chat though, is it?
You see how this looks, right?
What would have happened
if I wasn't here?
I don't want
any of this for you
but at the end of the day,
a man must be held accountable
for the decisions
that he makes.
Do you agree?
Well, good.
What do you think
should happen to you?
Give me... the electric chair?
Is that what's gonna
happen to me?
That's not up to me.
Get ready to go in.
Do you watch television?
Yes.
Well, there's something
you should know.
I'm Chris Hansen
with Dateline NBC.
And we're doing
a story on...
No.
...adults who try
to meet teens online.
Please don't
put this on TV, please.
Please, please.
No decisions
have been made yet.
We don't know
which segments will air.
- Please.
- But I'm gonna
need to ask you to leave.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Let me see your hands!
Hands, on the ground!
- Don't move!
- On the ground!
Okay, that's a cut.
State your name.
Okay.
Uh, hello.
My name is Dan Plum.
I'm...
Directly to c-- to camera?
- To camera.
- Oh, got it.
Take two.
Hello.
My name is Dan Plum.
I'm non-union,
and I'm not currently
represented at this time.
Although it's mentioned
on my resume,
I'd like to highlight
I recently completed
a commercial or a--
a national commercial rather,
for Toys "R" Us,
which was originally
a background part,
but became a speaking part.
So I'm very excited
about that.
Should I begin?
Hm.
525,600 minutes
525,000 moments so dear
525,600 minutes
How do you measure,
measure a year?
In daylights--
Okay, that's enough.
Do you know
what you're auditioning for?
Is it a speaking part?
Speaking part.
5 freaking grand per shoot.
- What the fuck?
- For like, three shoots.
- 5 grand?
- 5 grand.
Fuck you, dude. That's crazy.
But there's no like, sing--
singing or anything in it?
I don't-- I think
it's largely improvisational.
The face, you just put
your jaw forward. It's just--
-Can you do it now?
-Oh, yeah.
Would you?
I thank God
every single day
for Inside the Actors Studio.
It made me realize
that what we do is a craft,
like whittling or surgery.
Wait, so
what's the type of role?
Are you-- you playing a child?
Could be as young as 13.
That's cra--
So how are you gonna
get in character, man?
How do you produce the voice?
It comes out.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, I reckon what you's
are wanting to know is--
What I'm doing in here.
Hey.
Well, anyhow, I reckon
that's all you'd need to know.
Oh my gosh, hey.
It's so good to see you.
I like soccer.
I'm a soccer player.
Hmm.
Does it
sound like I'm straining
or does that feel like a lil'?
Weirdly, dude,
I think you nailed that.
If you wanna
do this part justice,
you gotta have
your body looking right.
You need to stay in your lane.
Okay?
What do you mean?
What's my lane?
Like, nubile.
Hairless.
Boy man.
I don't think that's it.
That's you, man.
That's your lane.
Psst. Hey.
Hey.
Yeah?
It's you.
Chris Hammon, right?
- Hansen.
- I knew it.
Thank you.
They double-booked me.
I started raising hell
and they-- they--
they changed it
to a first-class ticket.
Now, who am I to turn down
free sky margs?
Lucky you.
It is so cool
to meet a real celebrity.
What you're doing matters,
like really fucking matters.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
I hope
they're treating you right.
I hope you're making
a million dollars a year.
I hope they're giving you
everything you want. Cheers.
Cheers.
You know, at first,
no one at the network
wanted to listen to us.
And they said,
"How do I promote this?
How do I promote this?"
And-- and
I went to the network
and I said, "I'll tell you
how to promote it.
There's a man
with his penis in his hand,
and he's on your porch,
and he wants
to stick it in your daughter."
Oh.
"Tonight, I'm gonna tell you
how to make that not happen."
God.
-Right?
-Yes.
And they just said,
"Okay."
"Green lit."
Well, that's
what it's about, right?
It is. That's
the entertainment industry.
You gotta tell 'em
how to sell it.
It's not just about
making a show.
- You know, Chris.
- Hmm.
If I was you,
I'd just fucking
kill those guys.
Beat the living shit
out of 'em.
Bare hands.
Ha!
I don't think
that would fly on NBC.
Don't you ever
just wanna bleed 'em?
Uh, well...
I think maybe
what I do is a little worse.
All right, then.
- Stay down.
- Don't move.
Stop resisting.
Give him your hands.
Hands behind your back!
Stay down!
Our Iraq veteran
is all apologies now,
but this is the same man
saying things to a girl
he thought was 13 like...
"We can
take the shower together.
"I will undress you, and you
will undress me, okay?"
Little did he know,
he was chatting
with an adult man,
Xavier Von Erck, a co-founder
of the vigilante group
Perverted Justice,
whose mission is exposing
internet predators.
Coming up, driveway.
Battle stations.
-Battle stations.
-I-- I just gotta go floss.
I-- I have something
stuck in my teeth.
This is Del Harvey,
one of our decoys.
She can act like a cutesy
13-year-old girl.
You're so funny.
Or she can
put a ball cap on
and pose as a boy.
Do you know anything
about like, skateboarding?
Oh, I just whacked my toe
on the banister.
I'll-- I'll be right down.
I've worked a lot with victims
of sexual abuse.
I sort of see what I do here
as a form of activism.
One year
since our first investigation,
this national epidemic
keeps on growing.
- How old are you?
- 35.
Want to try again?
When we come back...
Hey, come on in.
...the parade of men begins,
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
I-- I brought
the condoms, too.
You can have
a seat right there.
Pores.
Ca-- c-- can we get closer
in on his pores?
When these guys,
they see me emerge,
their noses flare.
And I-- I think it'd be
fascinating for an audience
to experience that as well.
Just...
Just... yeah.
Can I just try
that VO one more time?
When we come back,
the parade of men begins
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
It's time.
Hmm.
Okay, let's try that again.
When we come back,
the parade of men begins
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
That was great. I loved it.
That's the one.
Okay, just one more time.
When we come back...
When we come back...
When we come back,
the parade of men begins
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
Very nice.
Mark that take.
-Just one more time.
-We gotta go.
- We gotta go.
- All right. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Great, great work.
Guy thinks he's fucking
Mike Wallace.
Is this a mistake?
The trial will have no jury...
...five anonymous judges
will come to their verdict
after hearing
witness testimony
from behind an opaque screen.
I'm Stone Phillips
with Dateline NBC.
Oh, I forgot something,
I'll be back.
Fucking shit.
I told you
you can't call me at work.
You never
want to see me again?
Absolutely not.
What?
Chris, you said you loved me.
No, I'm not talking to you.
I'm-- I--
I'm in a meeting. I, uh--
You're not
in a goddamn meeting.
And I know
you're in Fort Myers
-next week and...
-I'll call you back. Okay?
...if you don't see me then
I'm telling your wife.
Goodbye!
Yeah, vending services.
Hello, this is Chris Hansen
with Dateline NBC.
Your machine
has just stolen from me.
JZ.
Great to see you.
Apologies.
Apologies for
the delay. I, uh--
It's okay. We-- we were
supposed to start
a few minutes ago,
but it's okay.
Have a seat, and try a cookie.
So, look, I don't know
how else to say this,
but I don't really
like your show.
I don't really understand it.
I don't really believe in it,
but America loves it.
Television's changing.
Seinfeld gone.
Friends gone.
We've poured hundreds
of millions of dollars
into beautiful scripted shows.
The audience just isn't there.
They're not watching.
Right now,
your show has a special
connection with the audience.
Every one of our competitors
is trying to copy it.
ABC will have
a functioning facsimile
in less than a month.
So, I need to move you.
It's time that you all play
with the big boys.
What do we got
on Thursday nights?
Uh, My Name Is Earl.
- No.
- Bump Joey.
We're not bumping Joey.
Let me see.
Friday Night Lights.
No, my favorite show.
Criminal Intent. SVU.
No. Dick Wolf.
Biggest Loser, reality.
Oh, I got it.
We're taking on...
-Lost?
-Lost.
Lost.
Lost is on at the same time.
It's us versus them.
And we can kill 'em,
but we're gonna need
a lot more of those
you're not gonna believe
who's coming high impact--
- Predators.
- Yeah.
Can you do that?
Yes, I can.
Schoolgirl
fetishizers.
Yeah, pizza's my favorite.
What kind
of flavor do you like?
- This thing.
- Pepperoni.
That thing.
We've seen it all before.
That's old Predator.
Oh my God.
You're so pretty.
Aw, you're so sweet.
We need
the spectacular,
the best of the best.
I want whales.
All right,
this guy's good.
CrazyFrog73.
He wants us to cover him
with whipped cream
and he wants to watch the kid
have sex with a cat.
We're taking
the new schedule
-to advertisers next week.
-Come again?
To Catch a Predator,
Wednesdays 9:00 p.m.
Primetime.
Oh, my God. Chris.
I always knew it would happen.
Okay.
I always knew
we could do this.
So, we need to, um...
How do we, um, uh...
high impact predators?
You know, it's not like
we can hold auditions.
You know, we're kind of at
the mercy of what each town--
I know you can
figure it out, Andie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I believe in you.
We're gonna find them
and we're gonna be
bigger than Lost.
We're gonna be
bigger than Lost.
Hey, Hansen.
Breaking news.
I'm Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips with
Dateline NBC.
Great job.
I could never do what you do.
Good to see you, Stone.
Mm. It's thrilling.
I'll be watching
from Afghanistan.
Thank you.
Hey, buck.
I wanna show
you boys something.
Hey, what's up?
- Hey.
- Come on in.
Are you sure
your parents aren't home?
I'm sure.
I have
a bunch of beer in the car,
but I-- I brought the condoms.
Big night planned.
Why don't you have
a seat right there?
I-- I'm just here
to meet her.
They're gonna
put me on primetime.
What makes
you think it's my daughter?
You boys know what that is?
No.
Well, it's the time
when the most amount of people
tune in to watch a program.
You see
how this looks, right?
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
At the end of the day,
a man has to be
held accountable
for the decisions
that he makes.
Don't you agree?
Well,
what do you think
should happen to you?
The electric chair.
Is that
what's gonna happen to me?
Hi.
I didn't hear you come in.
Did you wake them?
Oh no, I was just um--
I was just
reviewing the new edit
and uh, they walked in, yeah.
I'm glad they saw you.
...adults who
like to meet
young teens online.
Please, please, please.
Don't put this on TV, please.
Mary, I-- I need
to say something
or my head
is gonna explode. I...
I know that you think you know
what kind of man I am,
that I'm not upstanding
in all the ways
you thought I would be
when we married.
But I just wanna say
that here and now...
...I am guilty of everything
you accuse me of.
The one thing
I am not guilty of
is falling
out of love with you.
And I promise when I return,
I will be the man you married.
They're moving
the show to primetime.
Hello?
Hello, Mr. Plum.
Uh, we have
a extra large style
dildo for you downstairs.
Um, if you could come
and get it
as soon as possible,
that would be amazing.
It's me, it's Troy.
Hey, Troy.
Dude,
what's the room like?
It's awesome.
Uh, I have not one,
but two beds, and--
and they have these like,
cool towel things
and a view of like uh,
this like cool pool.
Have you jerked it yet?
I'm just kidding, man.
Do you have a coffee machine?
Yeah.
Does it have like,
little packets of coffee,
and sugar, and cream?
Yeah, why?
Dude, that's amazing.
That's fucking--
I-- I wish that was me, man.
I'll just say that.
You're
the king of Fort Myers, man.
Uh...
You know what would be
a huge turn on for me?
You know what would be
a huge turn on for me?
Do you have any pets?
Do you have any pets?
Do you have any pets?
You stick my thing
in your mouth.
And then I promise...
Xavier!
Is this for a lying child
or an adult thinking about
fucking a child?
- I-- I--
- Is this for you?
It's so obviously a joke.
Where are the rest
of the goddamn chat logs?
- Did you sanction this?
- Harv, come on.
It's on our merch site.
What is merch site?
If this
doesn't get taken down,
I'm not going out there.
- It's just a thong.
- What...
Andie!
No. No, no. No.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
What are you do--
Whoa, what is this?
-I'm not going out there...
-Wait, wait, Del. But I-- I--
...until this gets taken down.
I-- I need you today.
Our new decoy did not show.
This is on our website.
Let me see,
don't do this to me--
'Cause we need you to bind up.
Hi.
Whoa. Who the fuck are you?
Oh. Oh, hi.
-You're Andie?
-Hi.
-I'm Dan.
-What are you wearing?
-What are you wearing?
-I, uh--
- You need to change.
- Bogey.
Yo, Crazy Frog is here.
Uh, graphic tee
and swim trunks.
Okay, come on.
Okay, Dan.
So you are playing
a 13-year-old named Peter.
Peter.
And you have been
chatting with this man online.
-Okay.
-And he likes cats.
- Cats.
- And he has a sweet tooth.
All you need to do--
Is get him
to the kitchen island.
- Okay.
- And then Chris will
come in and you will go out.
-Oh, Jesus.
-Chris comes in, I go--
- Okay, puka shell--
- Out. That-- that's it.
Puka shell. Puka shell.
Puka shell.
- We're all out.
- No puka shell?
Okay. Dan, do you understand?
Is there maybe time
for a rehearsal?
We're gonna shoot
the rehearsal.
Uh...
Come in.
Peter?
Is that you?
Hi.
Yeah, it's me.
You look different.
Way different.
Maybe.
Sorry, I'm sort of nervous.
You're even hotter
than your pictures.
Did you change your hair
or something?
I've been out in the sun.
- That's cool.
- Wanna go over here?
- Where?
- I guess I thought, um,
maybe we could
hang out in the kitchen.
Okay.
Do-- do you have any water?
I'll see what I can do.
By the way...
...I brought something.
Oh, yeah?
Wow.
Okay.
Primetime, baby.
He did not disappoint.
What's going on here?
Why don't you have
a seat right there?
Wanna explain yourself?
Running around,
looking for a cat,
spraying whipped cream
all over yourself.
What's going on in your mind?
What would've happened
if I wasn't here?
Something would've happened.
Something like?
Something along sexual lines.
Crazy Frog.
Something like
you would've had sex
with an underage teen?
Okay. I don't know
if we would've done that.
Sir,
your penis is already out.
Hey.
Hey.
You were amazing.
Oh, thanks.
You're a movie star.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
You are a natural.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Amazing.
Thank you.
I get stress migraines.
I don't know if you do.
Maybe. Maybe.
Thank you.
You were so good.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
I mean it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- We're doing a story...
- Yeah.
...on adults
who try to meet
young teens online.
It's okay. It's okay.
It happens to us all.
Obviously,
you're free to go,
but please take the cream.
I like this new decoy.
Didn't freeze up
like the last one.
Yeah. I think
he might walk.
Oh, goddamn it, Andie.
Not again.
Well--
I-- I need that one.
He's perfect for Jersey Shore.
Um... I agree, but for his
first time, that was a lot,
and if we do have
to inform the network,
the optics are
really not good.
So can you talk to him?
What? No.
I have somewhere to be.
Uh, in Fort Myers? Where?
I have a life, Andie.
Okay. Uh,
can you talk to him first?
I think that reassurance
coming from you,
maybe at the hotel bar,
maybe a nice Macallan,
and maybe you expense it.
Maybe I don't tell.
Dan Plum.
Chris Hansen.
How're you doing?
I'm okay.
It's a big day.
Do you want some wine, Dan?
Uh. Bud Light?
Bud Light would be nice.
Relax, it's on NBC.
B-- Budweiser, then.
Macallan, neat.
How long you been acting, Dan?
Uh, four years.
Four years professionally,
but I've-- I've dreamt
of it my entire life.
Um, musical theater mainly.
Uh.
Different world.
I hate feeling like
I'm not up to the task.
It-- it matters a lot to me
to-- to do a good job.
Look...
what were you hoping
to achieve
from this experience?
Uh, something for my reel.
More than that um, a credit.
- Mm-hmm.
- That would be
really helpful
for getting my union card
and representation.
Thank you.
Dan.
Do you know what your credit
is on this show?
Peter?
Peter?
Uh,
my character from today?
No.
No.
Superhero.
That's your credit.
Dan, what, what you're doing
is more than acting.
It's much more.
You're-- you're here with us,
and you're--
you're saving children.
Yeah.
Dan.
Daniel.
Dan.
Danny. Danny, uh, Decoy Dan.
-Decoy Dan?
-Decoy Dan.
-Decoy Dan.
-Decoy Dan.
That's your credit.
Decoy Dan.
Decoy Dan.
You remind me of my son,
but uh, older.
Oh.
Thanks.
Trustworthy, loyal, helpful,
friendly, courteous
Kind, obedient,
cheerful, thrifty
Brave, clean, and ha...
Oh, uh...
the uh, respectful?
Close.
Reverent.
Reverent.
I knew you were a Boy Scout.
How long did you do it for?
Maybe like two years
or something like that.
It's a sign
of strong character.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Sorry, can I just ask,
is that an acting totem?
- What?
- Your bracelet.
Is it--
Nothing I do is acting, Dan.
-Right. I--
-Got it in India, 1996.
I was doing a story
on child slave labor.
It won an Emmy.
Predator has never
earned an Emmy,
nor any of the serious
recognition it deserves.
But I think
that's all about to change.
- All right.
- All right.
All right.
I'll see you tomorrow.
See you tomorrow.
Okay.
One down.
Hello?
Oh, hey, Andie.
This is Patty Patterson
from ABC.
Sorry, am I
interrupting something?
No.
I don't think
we've met, but--
Oh, uh,
we have, actually.
The Murrow Awards last year.
Right. Ugh, my brain.
Anyway, we wanted
to congratulate you
on the new time slot.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I saw Jeff
just pitched it to the ad men.
Not-- not sure
if you're aware,
but we've been working
on a show
for the same night.
Uh-huh.
And we have been
so impressed
by your work on Predator,
we would love
to pick your brain.
I was wondering
if you'd be free
for a drink or a--
You know what's better
than a drink?
A sushi roll.
Well,
that's not possible.
I'm-- I'm shooting in
Fort Myers.
That is crazy.
I will be in Florida tomorrow.
Uh, not tomorrow?
Yeah, sounds great.
So I'll see you
tomorrow evening.
Evening? Uh, hey, okay.
Look, I don't mean
to upset you, Kristyn,
but we can still have
a nice dinner as friends.
Like...
Friends?
Hmm.
So none of this
meant anything to you?
Not nothing, no.
Uh, Kristyn, I-- I-- I want
to be a part of your life.
I do. I truly do,
but I can only participate in,
uh, obfuscated ways
at a distance, you know?
But uh...
Kristyn, come on.
Can I tempt you two
with something sweet?
Oh my God,
you're Chris Hansen.
-I'm a huge fan of your show.
-Uh.
But, I don't want
to be in it, but uh--
Do-- did-- did you want
anything for dessert?
Do you have any cookies?
I-- I can definitely
ask the chef.
No, I'm just--
just kidding around.
Just never mind.
No, it was a joke.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Thank you so much
for coming, Mr. Hansen.
Thank you so much.
Come on. Look, I have...
I have a lot
on the line right now.
I love my wife.
We don't need
to make a scene, okay?
We don't need to make a scene.
Happy face. Happy.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna do everything
in my power
to make this right,
I swear to God.
Like I said, okay?
Okay. Just shh.
Shh.
Let me-- let me get you a cab.
Oh. Oh, God.
Come on. Let's go.
Okay. Okay.
Goodbye
Wanna climb a mountain
- Who is it?
- It's me. Can I come in?
- One sec.
- Verification call.
Check it out.
Hey, man.
Hey. There you are.
I told you I was real.
I like real.
What do you think
we should do next Monday?
I don't know.
Um, probably be shooting
some hoops or something,
so if you wanna
shower together,
that might be nice.
Yeah. I can't wait
for, uh, the adventure.
Cool. It's the uh, last house
at the end of the cul-de-sac.
You can't miss it. It's boring
like the other ones.
Well, I can't wait.
Cool. Oh, don't forget
the weed.
Oh, yeah.
- It's gonna be great.
- Cool.
All right. Later. Bye.
Bye.
You have to smile,
so they can hear it
in your voice.
Yeah, cool.
Thanks.
Look, if this is something
you really wanna do,
you can't treat it like
an acting gig, you know?
The last decoy made it
an episode and a half.
Saw a predator who looked like
his dad and walked off.
You have to find ways
to protect yourself.
Yeah.
Thanks.
See you tomorrow.
Don't be late.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Come right in, bro.
I'm baking cookies.
"Come right in, bro."
Love your house.
"Hey, come right in, bro.
I'm baking cookies."
"Hey, come right in, bro.
I'm baking,
I'm baking cookies."
Hey, come on in.
There's sweet tea
on the table.
Hey, come on in.
There's sweet tea
on the table.
Did you bring
any of that stuff
we talked about?
Hey, Marco.
Did you bring the stuff
we talked about?
This your house?
Uh, well, technically,
my mommy and daddy's house.
Hey, just hopped out
of the shower.
Just put a pizza in the oven.
Just picture me naked
and come on in.
I could
figure something out.
Well, what about
a root beer float?
- Ooh.
- I'll do that.
Don't go anywhere.
Oh, they're gonna love it.
They're gonna love this.
How you doing, Stanley?
Are you Jeremy?
Jeremy's talented tongue?
You nervous?
That's okay. Me too.
What did you think you--
Sorry, sorry.
Decoy Dan.
Yo, Christopher,
I need to talk to you.
Fat fucking tuna on the hook.
Oh, really?
Look, come here.
Close the door.
- Hey. Knock, knock.
- Uh, what?
- No, no, no.
- What's shaking?
It's okay.
We're just having a...
Okay.
So we got a fan letter
from some flatfoot cop.
"Dear Chris Hansen
and the good men
of the National
Broadcasting Corporation."
" My name
is Michael Chachere."
Headquarters,
be advised,
I locked myself out the unit.
"I write to you today
to thank you from the bottom
of my heart
for promoting goodness
in this troubled world
we live in."
Yeah, I'll get
the Jared special.
"I also want to thank you
for promoting respect
for law enforcement
in your programming.
"What this world needs,
in my opinion,
is a good,
hard look in the mirror."
We were just talking.
"But what is that,
but your show?"
Sorry.
I didn't--
I swear I didn't know.
"Should you ever find yourself
down in Murphy, Texas,
please know that you have
a friendly face
here in our precinct."
"In our precinct.
Best regards, Michael."
Michael Chachere.
Chief, this could only
look good for election season.
What's the name
of that program?
How to Catch a Predator.
Predator?
Anyhow. They tried
to get in touch with Andie,
but when they couldn't,
they reached out to me.
Uh-uh, I have no missed calls.
Whatever. They want us
to come shoot in their town,
so I start to trawl the area,
and it's the same old shit.
Factory worker,
plumber, loser. Boring.
But-- but then
I catch something
that's like nothing
I've ever seen.
This fish comes along,
takes a bite,
and then boom, vanishes.
He comes back, bites again.
But then, poof, gone.
I never lose these guys,
because they are
usually fucking idiots,
but this is
not your average pedo.
He was careful not to give
anything away, but boy,
did he love to chat.
We battled.
I tried every trick
in the book, Chris.
I was reeling him in
for hours,
but he wouldn't take the bait.
I was ready to give up,
but then he slipped.
A wake in Denton, Texas.
So I did some digging.
Ah.
The only one I could find
was a private event
for government associates
of a dead senator.
...of a dead senator.
The most
important suits in Texas.
Chris, we've never caught
a government operative before,
a man on the inside.
This, this is it.
This guy's got to be CIA, NSA
or he is at the
highest levels of government.
I mean, what are we
talking about here?
Are we talking about a mayor
or a congressman or are we--
are we talking
about the president?
- So Chris--
- Hmm.
We already have our schedule
for the coming months,
and the Jersey Shore
is after this.
Uh, that is a priority
for the network.
I have a feeling about
this guy, Chris.
I really do.
No. It's not enough
information to act.
She's right.
Keep looking and let me know
if you have something more.
I like it, psychic ability.
Nice work.
- Good producing.
- Tell me about it.
Fucking bitch.
Could you show me
the last couple of clips?
Excuse me.
Uh, T minus 10 minutes.
Can you bring up the last
couple of clips we shot?
Oh, they were good.
Well, I wa-- I'm thinking
of trying something new.
-I wanna see what I did.
-They were good.
"You just have to be
very clean in your ass."
Mm-hmm.
Your ass?
I think that's too far.
Uh, stick to the suck
and be sucked stuff.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Okay. Thank you.
God, this is insane.
- Chris Hansen.
- Hi, Chris.
This is Brett Karinsky
from the National Enquirer.
- Uh-huh.
- We just wanted
to give you the opportunity
to comment before we run
a story about you next week.
Uh, and what is the
story about?
A young woman
and your
extramarital activities.
-Does that ring a bell?
-Uh.
- If I call NBC--
- Uh.
What would they say
about this?
America's favorite
pervert catcher
sticking fingers where fingers
shouldn't be stuck.
No.
Uh.
Hello?
Hi, Mary. Chris Hansen.
Yes, honey. I know.
Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Um--
Hey, hey, Dad.
- Hi, boys. Yeah.
- Hey, Dad.
Yeah, I was just calling
to uh, talk to you
and um, just calling
to talk to the boys.
Are you gonna come
to my baseball game?
I'm just in here.
Hey.
Hi.
Trouble finding the place?
Not really.
Oh, shoot.
Spilled soda on my shirt.
I'm gonna go change.
Be back in a sec.
I've been chatting
with him online
for a month now.
He's fucking heinous.
How'd it look?
You were great.
If you guys get me the logs in
more advance next time,
I could use all of that stuff.
I could-- I could've kept him
in there for 20 minutes.
- Daniel.
- Dan, enough.
Actually, do you
have a Diet Coke?
Is Pepsi okay?
Why don't you
have a seat right there?
Why don't you have a seat?
What are you doing here?
Sit down.
Sit down!
What are you doing here?
Nothing good.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a rabbi.
"I like sucking
-and being sucked."
-He's off.
Where's that
in the Bible?
The Old Testament
or the New Testament?
Look, you're being
very hostile to me.
Who gave you
permission to do this?
You did this to yourself.
You know you don't
have the right to do this.
Who do you think you are?
I'm Chris Hansen
with Dateline NBC,
and we're doing
a story on adults
who meet young teens online.
You're doing this
for television?
For television?
- Oh.
- Get him out.
- There he is.
- Get him out of here!
- There he is.
- Oh, oh, fuck.
Get-- fuck.
Oh, that's amazing.
That is amazing.
- It's gorgeous.
- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey.
He's not a leper.
He just touched you.
Doesn't that disgust you?
Yeah.
Why do you
do this, Andie?
'Cause we're gonna be
the number one show on TV.
Yeah?
We're gonna be
the number one show on TV.
Ooh.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Number one show on TV.
I don't mean to sound harsh...
but if you had children,
you would understand.
Picture this.
You're in an IHOP
eating alone,
and you notice a girl
kinda hunched over,
and the mother is berating her
for overeating pancakes.
She says, "You don't
wanna be a fat pig."
And you-- you think
to yourself,
"Oh God,
this is pretty wrong."
And then the mother
gets louder, more insulting,
and then finally
the girl starts crying.
What would you do?
Um,
I might hand the daughter
the number to social services
and tell her
to eat whatever she likes.
And
then I might try to hurt
the mother in some way.
Not physically, but um--
Honey, that's the name
of the show,
What Would You Do?
Oh.
It's a--
It's a hidden,
it's a hidden camera show.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, where we put
strangers
in social situations,
but it's feel-good.
Do you know John Quinones?
Hi, sir. I'm John Quinones.
I'm John Quinones.
Shut it up.
He's incredible.
He wants you.
Oh.
Well, I'm flattered obviously.
Um, I don't think
I'm the kind of producer
that does well
with feel-good stuff,
and I also don't think
I'm the kind of producer
that has a lot of respect
for people who wanna
steal my show.
Okay. Okay. Great.
Look, I dominated
a-- a-- a-- a lot of space
at this network. I-- I'd say
the majority of shows
that have been successful
in the last 10 years
I've had a hand in.
I know the feeling,
and I know that you think
you're just walking
the same path,
but Chris is not the guy
to hold hands with.
He is not that guy.
You know, I met Chris once,
and it's weird,
he didn't even mention you.
Makes me question
if he understands
what you're worth.
I just wanna protect you,
you know?
Chris Hansen.
Hey, Chris.
Hi, Jeff.
Do me a favor.
Hmm.
Go to your TV.
Turn on ABC.
Mmm-hmm.
Tell me what you see.
Lost.
It's polar bears.
Yeah. These polar bears
are gonna fucking
kill us, Chris.
Uh--
I know
people look up to you,
but I'm gonna be frank
with you right now.
This new material,
it ain't cutting it.
Jeff, we have something
very special on the line.
A real "man on the inside"
kind of story.
Wait, wh--
what? Stone's here?
All right. Just tell him
I'll be right there.
Hey, sorry Chris, I gotta run.
Xavier.
- Fuck.
- Xavier.
Shit.
Did you find him?
What?
The fish.
Did you find him?
-The-- the fish?
-The fish, in the CIA.
Come in. Fuck.
Give me a second here.
Andie's been so up my
fucking ass. I've been
trawling balls deep all day.
Who is he?
So I had him
on the hook, right?
But every time
I tried to track him, okay,
I kept getting blocked.
Xavier, I need you
to guarantee
that he has to be extremely,
extremely important.
A hundred percent.
This is big.
The biggest.
A whale.
You think it's a whale?
A whale, definitely.
Okay. Okay.
These are the chats.
How can we catch him?
We have to go there
and be the bait,
because I can tell you
one thing,
he's not coming
to the fucking Jersey Shore.
You can't go over my head
to relocate shoots, Chris.
Do you realize what that
communicates to the network?
It makes me look like
I don't know what I am doing.
We had a full docket of guys
coming to the Jersey Shore.
The flight is now boarding.
We have no plan.
We are chasing a man
without a name.
Guys, the--
sorry to interrupt.
Uh, does the show cover snacks
for the flight?
I'd love to grab some gum
if it's not too much
of a thing.
Yeah?
Sorry. Thanks, thank you.
Saddam Hussein's verdict
speeds through deliberation.
Political leaders urge
for calm in the streets
as Saddam prepares
to get what he deserves.
An open-ended curfew...
What's going on with you?
I need to do something big.
Bigger than Lost.
I'm
Stone Phillips
and this is Dateline NBC.
In Murphy,
we got more firepower
than Satan himself.
M4 carbine,
H&K MP5,
grenade launcher, you name it.
Many of us here served
together during Desert Storm.
I can assure you, Mr. Hansen,
you're not gonna find
a police force
with more oomph.
And after this show airs
on Wednesday night,
no pervert will dare set foot
in Murphy again.
After we're done,
this will be the safest town
in America.
Now let's have some barbecue.
Chief Gunn?
It's nice to put the face
with the face.
I gotta tell you, hoss, they
don't wanna give us funding.
- That's awful.
- And this is
really, really gonna
help us out a lot.
Thank you so, so much.
-What's your name, hoss?
-This is my team.
Xavier Von Erck.
-Xavier.
-Yes.
All right. Are you
not hot, hoss?
- No, no.
- Xavier's the reason
we're all here.
This is Dan Plum.
He is
one of our operatives.
- Dan Plum. Actor.
- Del Harvey. It's an honor.
All right.
Honor's all mine.
Now what does that mean,
"Nin"?
Uh, it's an industrial
metal group,
uh, called, "Nine Inch Nails".
Gator, bring the cuffs.
She's got nine-inch nails
on her.
Yeah, that's right.
And hi, I am Andie Bender.
- Andie Bender.
- I am a producer,
and it's so wonderful
to be here.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm so excited.
I really wanna
check out your equipment here.
Well, come on, hoss. Let me
show you how this works.
I'd love to meet--
kind of meet in private.
I mean, this is really
sort of my operation.
- Sure.
- So it'd be really good
to sort of coordinate
our efforts.
Yeah, let's coordinate.
So you can sound
like a little boy.
Or a little girl.
It depends on
what they want me to be.
I'm kind of a mirror
to reflect back at them
what they want.
I'm Chris Hansen--
With Dateline NBC,
and we're doing a story
on adults who like to meet
young teens online.
And next week,
the Predator team
is in Fort Myers, Florida.
While you
may have thought the stories
this week were unusual.
The story of the man
you'll meet next week...
- Peter?
- ...is
downright bizarre.
I guess I thought maybe we
could hang out in the kitchen.
This potential predator
walks into the house...
I brought something.
- Oh, yeah?
- Takes off his clothes
and whips out
a common dessert ingredient,
much to the surprise
of our decoy...
What's going on here?
...who,
after this episode,
may never order
a hot fudge sundae again.
Yeah! Whoo!
Cheers, buddy.
Cherry popped, baby.
Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
Hello?
Hey.
What's up?
I'm-- I'm naked.
We met on TV.
I'm that pervert
that showed you,
showed you my penis.
And now I'm in prison.
Please let me out.
Dude, it's me.
It's Troy.
Don't worry.
You saw my teaser?
Me
and Amanda, and fucking Sobo
and Christian, Rajiv,
we're all freaking partying.
We just watched it, man.
W-- what'd you think?
Did you think I was good?
I mean,
yeah, it doesn't matter,
right?
What do you mean
it doesn't matter?
What kind of answer is that?
Dude, I mean, like,
here's the thing is that
you were only on screen
for like, 0.1 seconds.
Being all scared
of a predator.
Yeah, that's the character.
That-- that's the point.
As your friend,
I'm proud,
but if I was a random viewer,
I would think
absolutely 0.0% about you.
I mean, dude,
here's the thing.
You were on TV.
I wish I was on TV.
That would be amazing.
Maybe you're not on TV,
'cause you're a bad actor.
What'd you say?
I know you don't mean
that shit, dude--
Hi,
you've reached the Hansens.
We're so sorry we can't
come to the phone right now,
but please leave a message...
And we
hope you have a wonderful day.
Sorry.
Try not to be afraid
of the ball.
It's weird
seeing myself on TV.
I think also my-- my friends
don't really understand.
Sorry.
I can get it.
It's all right.
My friends
don't really understand
what I'm doing here.
How could they
understand, Dan?
Here.
I want you to have this.
I think it's a little big.
You'll grow into it.
Close your eyes.
It's 1996.
You're in Pandalam.
It's in India.
At a cottage bar.
A few drinks in,
a local approaches you
and asks if you're covering
missing children.
You don't know
what he's talking about,
so he tells you.
All across the southern state
of India,
children are disappearing
at night.
It's clinical.
No village ever hit twice.
Nadip?
No suspects.
Nadip?
So the villagers
start turning on each other,
and the lynching begins.
In the
surrounding jungle,
they find the children
in bits.
Chris, can I open my eyes now?
No, not yet.
The authorities
said it was wolves.
But I found a witness.
The young girl
who gave me that bracelet,
she told me what she saw.
A darkness
that cannot be understood.
Nadip?
That exists
outside of time and space.
Not a man,
a monster.
No one believed this girl,
but I did.
So you can tell your friends
that is what we're doing.
We're cleansing the world
of an ancient evil,
and that evil
waits for us in Murphy.
The whale?
The whale.
And he's an Indian guy?
Chris Hansen.
Chris.
He messaged me, Chris.
He's coming.
We've gotta move.
"Are you playing with it?
"Masturbated today?
"Have you masturbated today?
"Have you masturbated?"
Who-- who called you all?
Xavier.
Look, I know that, that
we were set to go tomorrow,
-and the bogey's coming now--
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But listen, my hands are tied.
I've got four Sonys
- in the living room and I--
- Uh-huh, yeah.
Three Sonys.
Goddamn it.
Uh, get what you can
how you can.
Uh, you two, I need you both
on keyboards and anyone
that you had coming tomorrow,
get them here tonight.
T-minus, five minutes.
Everybody in position.
Brace yourselves.
We have to go.
Hey, is this him?
Is this the whale?
Need to know basis, Andie.
Yeah, I need to know.
Are you playing
with it?
Have you masturbated today?
Masturbated today?
Is your dick out?
Do you like to kiss? Cuddle?
Do you like to kiss? Cuddle?
Do you
like to kiss?
I know you're coming.
Enhance the car.
Enhance.
Frag, tell the cops
to get in position.
Got it.
Fuck,
it's fucking grainy.
He's not getting out.
Are they in
or did they get out?
You have
one new message.
Hey,
Chris.
I'm getting the feeling
you're ignoring me.
Listen here, champ,
I need sources, and you're not
giving me a lot of options.
You don't give me a comment,
I'm gonna get to everyone
in your life.
Don't make this harder
than it needs to be.
What the fuck
is he doing?
What's he doing?
Does anybody hear me?
I don't understand.
Could you stop
being in my face?
Do you know
how much money
this is costing
every fucking second?
You don't,
because I do the budget.
You don't do my job,
I do my--
What happened?
It's empty.
What do you mean?
The car drove itself?
What the fuck?
What?
Um, guys, they know
we're here.
How the hell
is this possible?
Hackers.
That doesn't make
fucking sense.
We're dealing with forces
beyond our control here, Harv.
Okay, okay.
We need to change houses.
Okay.
Chris,
we need to change houses.
We're not leaving.
Well, Chris,
no one will come to this house
if they know that we are here,
and we are also
over a 100K in the hole.
It's not about money
for me.
It's--
it is about money.
What are you doing?
Where are we going?
What are you doing?
Chris.
I'm not leaving
till the whale comes.
No, no.
Wait.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Chris.
We're not leaving.
I swear to fucking God
that if you do not get
your shit together,
I will call the network,
motherfucker.
Hey, can you hear me?
- Yeah.
- Do you understand
what I am saying to you?
I am pulling the plug.
The whale is coming.
WRESTLINGDUDEEASTTEXAS
didn't get the memo.
He's pulling up right now.
- Chris!
- The whale.
- Get up!
- There's no show
- without the whale.
- Chris!
Jesus fucking Christ.
Hey,
come on in.
You come here.
No, you come here!
I'm just in here.
Pretty nice place
you got here.
Yeah.
So what's up?
Nothing.
Did you bring the razors?
Sure did.
What did you wanna do
with them?
I was kinda confused.
Oh.
I'll show you later.
You probably go to
a lot of boys' homes, huh?
Nah.
Don't even get
out of the house much.
Barely make it
off the computer.,
You all right?
Mmm-hmm.
You said,
"I wish I could hug you."
That'd be nice.
Uh, why--
why are you reading that?
Then you said,
"Can I be your first at sex?"
I mean, if that's what
you wanted to do.
What in
the world are you doing here?
I'm just hanging out
with you, man.
Hanging out
with a 13-year-old?
Look, I'm just gonna leave.
Well, if you wanna leave,
you're free to go,
but before you do,
you should know I'm not 13.
I'm 23.
My real name is Dan Plum,
and you're on TV.
Whoa, wait a second.
I don't wanna be on TV.
I'm a professionally-trained
actor...
and I'm helping tell a story
on bad guys
who try to meet kids online.
And I hope you remember
my face as the face...
that you saw
when everything changed.
Look, I-- I'm just gonna go.
Police Officer
don't move!
Get down! Get down!
You know,
in the old days
when people would act
so depraved,
they'd drag you down
to the town square,
tie you to a post,
and whip you for all to see.
There used to be a pillory
in every civilized town.
Now there's a television
in every home,
and I'm on it.
So are you, Dan.
Hi, Patty. It's Andie.
Um, gosh, I keep asking
myself, "What am I doing?"
Which I guess is a variant of
what would you do.
So I think that
this is a good sign.
Mr. Quinones, I'd be curious
about how we mesh.
Um...
And I'm-- I'm hoping you know,
if he really is a--
a nice guy,
hey, maybe it'll rub off
on me.
The Enquirer is gonna
release a story about me.
I'm not worried.
I can fix this.
We just need to get him.
How old is she?
She's 30, Andie.
Bravo.
We can't let him
get away.
All I need
is for you to believe.
I'm done.
Andie, the whale is coming.
Chris,
Chris, Chris!
He's back, and he sent photos!
Don't think that's him.
I think it's pulled from
some A&M bio major's profile.
He's randy.
He's given us more in a night
than he has in a week.
It's right here.
Come on.
Fuck.
Come on.
Holy fuck!
He couldn't resist me.
Look it up!
Who are you?
Hello,
you've reached
District Attorney
Bill Conradt's landline.
If you voted for me
for county judge, thank you.
Hey, Will. It's Luke.
Why don't you pick up
and we could talk more?
I'm in town
for one more day...
Morning, Lewis.
to see my aunt.
- Hi, Jerry.
- And um,
she's gonna be gone
for the night.
- Morning.
- So try me back.
Hey, Cortland.
Hey, Mr. Conradt.
- Good morning.
- It is.
I still got that bourbon.
You know
where to find me.
Mmm, I do.
Now,
as a district attorney,
I've seen all sorts
of horrible behavior,
and I understand
how people can see criminals
as other than human.
Despite the child endangerment
we have substantiated,
the defendant here
is not a monster.
He's a man.
But he has brought
a disease to our community,
and by putting this man away
we send a message,
a message that we like our
slice of Texas just how it is,
and we intend
to keep it that way.
"Could I
feel your cock?
"How thick are you?
"I like younger.
"Are you gonna fuck me?
"Do I get to fuck you, too?
"Do you like to kiss?
"Cuddle?"
Did you cum a lot when you
J slash O question mark?
Fuck! He's back! He's back!
Let's call him, man.
Where's my decoy?
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
That w-- that sucked, man.
That wasn't cool, man.
Yo,
you've reached Troy.
For commercial work,
please reach out
- to Sunshine Valley Talent.
- Where's my decoy?
For me, just leave a message.
Hey, man.
Um...
Decoy Dan!
Uh.
Decoy Dan!
Hi.
Are you coming over?
I'm uh,
thinking about it.
Oh, you haven't left yet?
No.
Well, are you coming over
or not?
Well, a little later.
Mmm.
What do you wanna do?
What do you like?
I like musicals.
Maybe we could watch one
and hang out.
That would be nice.
Have you ever tried Vegemite?
What's that?
Have you
ever been to Australia?
Uh-uh.
Oh, I--
Well, I just uh, I love it.
I've seen the most beautiful
things in my life there.
The kangaroos.
Cock.
They're
my favorite animals.
That's cool.
Hey, anyway, I get hard
like super easy.
Why don't you come over
and make it hard?
I uh,
I gotta go.
I worked
with that DA for 10 years.
He's met my wife, met my kids.
Christ.
The guy who catches the guys.
That boy-fucking
Democrat piece of shit!
I'm gonna gut him.
Form up!
Cortland, I need to see him.
I need to look him
in his eyes.
I need to put him
on television.
I need to put his head
on a stick.
Gator, we need warrants.
- We're going to him?
- Yes.
We don't do that.
They come to us.
I think we need to--
good to stick to protocol.
Ay-yo. All his information's
disappearing.
- His MSN, his MySpace.
- Protocol.
- Protocol. Protocol.
- Andie.
Fuck protocol!
Andie.
But uh, we should
really do this, by the book.
By the book--
I need you.
How long's
it gonna take?
A week, maybe two.
If we're going up
against this man,
we have to dot our i's
and cross our t's...
We don't have
that kind of time.
While we stand here dawdling,
he will erase his tracks
if we don't get him today,
and then
we'll lose him forever.
She's right.
Let's go y'all.
Grab everything you need.
Good evening.
Go, go, go, go!
We have not just
gathered as law enforcement...
Form up!
Let's harpoon
that motherfucker.
...You're part
of a story
much bigger than yourselves.
Remember, we're here
to make a statement.
Pedos are not allowed
in Texas.
If you see the camera on you,
act natural.
- Yes, sir!
- Let's catch us a predator.
Yeah! Hut! Hut!
Mary?
Hello, sir. Thank you
for your service. Thank you.
Mary.
Mar-- how you doing?
- Thank you. Mary.
- Chris.
Mary.
I just received a...
Hello?
Mary, hi.
Hi.
I'm coming home tomorrow.
Yes.
And uh, I'll be there
for Thanksgiving.
Chris,
they have photos of you...
and some woman.
They're asking me for comment.
What do you suggest I say?
It's a hatchet job.
There's a--
they just know I'm gonna be
on-- on, on national news,
and uh, you know,
it's par for the course.
You're gonna be
so proud of me, Mary.
I love you, Mary.
Love the boys.
Hey, Chris.
Chris, excuse me. Excuse me.
Mind if we get a photo
real quick?
Sure.
Oh, awesome.
Thanks, man.
I'm a big fan.
You're doing the Lord's work.
You know that, right?
All right. Big smiles.
Big smiles, Melvin.
Big smiles.
All right, y'all,
we got him trapped like a rat.
Let's get some justice
on camera.
I don't think
the DA's gonna come out
with all this
visible hardware.
So then how am I gonna
get my interview?
I can have a tac team
make a forced entry...
it's y'all's call on that one.
If we do that,
I want cameras on your guns.
I don't even know
if that's possible.
Let's make it possible.
Mitchell, cameras on guns!
I mean, how am I gonna get
my fucking interview?
Patty, hi.
Finally got
that offer written up for you.
Sorry, I can't hear you
that well.
Oh, we are
so, so excited--
- Yeah.
- That you're
-coming to the cool network.
-I was thinking about it
and uh...
I don't want to.
Sorry?
What do you mean?
No, I don't want to.
Oh God, Andie.
I stuck my neck out for you.
Well, I'm sorry
if I wasted your time.
Why don't
you take a week
- to think about it?
- No.
I think
you're making a big mista--
I just need you
to talk to him.
Get him outside.
I'll get the interview,
and you'll be a part of
television history.
I can't go out there.
You're either with me
or you're with him.
I don't wanna be a bad person.
Son...
your definition of bad
and my definition of bad
are vastly different.
Moving in now.
Showtime.
Let's go. Let's go.
Whoa! Whoa!
Cameras!
Will?
I know you're in there.
Just come outside.
It'll be safer
if you come outside.
I just,
I just wanted
to watch musicals with you.
Yeah, I know.
Which one was it again?
Rent.
I think I'm in the minority
of people who actually think
the film is better
than the stage production.
That's funny.
All
cameras are recording.
525,600 minutes
525,000 moments so dear
525,600 minutes
How do you measure,
measure a year?
In daylight, in sunsets,
in midnights,
In cups of coffee,
in inches
Hold your positions.
Shit!
10-56, over.
Fire patrol's on the way.
Confirming we have
a civilian casualty.
I think I can make this work.
Medics, two minutes out.
Find some police to interview.
I like younger.
Do you have your dick out?
Are you playing with it?
Do you have your dick out?
Are you playing with it?
Have you masturbated today?
Do you like to kiss, cuddle?
Can I feel your cock?
How thick are you?
Are you gonna fuck me?
Do I get to fuck you, too?
Do you have your dick out?
Are you playing with it?
Have you masturbated today?
Do you like to kiss, cuddle?
What would have happened
if I wasn't here?
Hey. Sorry.
Are you uh, you Daniel Plum?
Mmm-hmm.
- Oh, man,
I think I have your mail.
Yeah, I'm, uh, 202 and a half,
not 202 and a quarter.
- Yeah.
- Thanks. Thank you.
No worries.
No worries. There you go.
- Thank you.
- You know,
at this point,
I swear you should just like,
put my name down on the mail,
'cause the last three tenants
who have lived here,
I've gotten all of their mail.
- Huh.
- It's insane, dude.
- Okay.
- It's like no matter
what I do, I cannot get them
to stop putting it in my box,
and it says 202 and a quarter,
and they're still doing it.
-You know what I mean?
-Right. Thanks.
Oh, you know what?
I have another package.
I'll grab it for you, okay?
All right,
brother man.
There you go.
Overnight priority,
Mr. Fancy Pants.
Hey, what's in the box?
What's in the box?
Oh, shit. Are you an actor?
You uh...
you an actor?
Face painted white
With blue butterflies
Wasting wishes
On the world
You could go home
But you would be alone
Birthday girl
I've got it all
On video
On video
I saw you making
Angels in the snow
They sing so loud
You can't hear yourself
Fragile like a child
At the fair
You took too much
But it was not enough
They had us all scared
My china doll
I saw it all
On video
On video
I saw you making
Angels in the snow
Watching you
Like a common criminal
On video
On video
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
I will undress you
and you will undress me.
For a virgin--
For a virgin,
for a virgin to have sex...
For a virgin
to have sex, it hurts.
So, I will have to put some...
extra lubricant.
Lubricant.
You see how this looks, right?
So sorry, morning tuna
is rushing downstream
a little early.
- How early?
- Five minutes.
He'll be at the house
in two minutes.
What the fuck,
two minutes?
You told me
five fucking minutes.
-I have ears.
-I would never say...
Why aren't you
downstairs at your station?
I have monitors--
Ready?
Let's go.
All cameras are recording.
Car, car, car.
Visual confirmation
on 99 Dodge pickup.
Okay, coming down
the driveway. Here he is.
Takedown team in position.
All right.
He's not
getting out of the car.
Copy that.
Mitchell,
pan camera two. Come on.
He appears to be unarmed.
Is this the Marine?
Yeah.
Take your positions.
Oh, shit
Oh, shit
Oh, shit
They ain't ready for this
-Oh, shit
-Oh!
It's me, Fergie
The Pen
Polow
Fergie Ferg,
what's up, baby?
Come on, come on
When I come
to the club step aside
Oh, shit
Part the seas, don't be
having me in the line
Oh, shit
VIP 'cause you know
I gotta shine
Oh shit
I'm Fergie Ferg,
and me love you long time
Oh shit
All my girls
get down on the floor
Oh, shit
Back to back,
drop it down real low
-Oh, shit
-I'm such a lady
-But I'm dancing like a ho
-Oh, shit
'Cause you know I don't
give a fuck, so here we--
Perimeter
breached. He's coming.
He's coming.
Showtime.
Hey, what's up?
Hey.
How are you--
how are you doing?
Come on in.
Oh.
Okay.
I just gotta put some
stuff in the wash real quick.
Oh, okay.
I made some cookies.
They're on the counter.
There's sweet tea, too.
I'm excited by the way.
Okay.
Thank-- thank you.
Are you sure
your parents aren't home?
I'm sure.
You say you baked these?
Yeah.
Did you bring any
of that stuff we talked about?
Yeah, I, um, I have
a bunch of beer in the car,
but I-- I brought the condoms.
Big night planned.
How you doing?
I'm...
I'm good.
Who, wh-- who are you?
We'll get to that.
Why don't you
have a seat right there?
I-- I'm just here to meet her.
Meet who?
Your-- your daughter.
My daughter?
What makes you think
it's my daughter?
Please, sir, I--
I'm divorced.
I-- I-- I just got divorced.
"I will undress you
and you will undress me.
For a virgin
to have sex, it hurts."
I-- I wasn't here
for any bad reason.
"So,
I will have to put--"
"I will have to put
some extra lubricant."
"Some extra lubricant."
Please, sir,
I have a little girl at home.
She's only 4.
You're here at the house
of a 13-year-old girl.
Sir, I-- I--
I was just talking.
It-- it's-- it's just chat.
It's not just
chat though, is it?
You see how this looks, right?
What would have happened
if I wasn't here?
I don't want
any of this for you
but at the end of the day,
a man must be held accountable
for the decisions
that he makes.
Do you agree?
Well, good.
What do you think
should happen to you?
Give me... the electric chair?
Is that what's gonna
happen to me?
That's not up to me.
Get ready to go in.
Do you watch television?
Yes.
Well, there's something
you should know.
I'm Chris Hansen
with Dateline NBC.
And we're doing
a story on...
No.
...adults who try
to meet teens online.
Please don't
put this on TV, please.
Please, please.
No decisions
have been made yet.
We don't know
which segments will air.
- Please.
- But I'm gonna
need to ask you to leave.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Let me see your hands!
Hands, on the ground!
- Don't move!
- On the ground!
Okay, that's a cut.
State your name.
Okay.
Uh, hello.
My name is Dan Plum.
I'm...
Directly to c-- to camera?
- To camera.
- Oh, got it.
Take two.
Hello.
My name is Dan Plum.
I'm non-union,
and I'm not currently
represented at this time.
Although it's mentioned
on my resume,
I'd like to highlight
I recently completed
a commercial or a--
a national commercial rather,
for Toys "R" Us,
which was originally
a background part,
but became a speaking part.
So I'm very excited
about that.
Should I begin?
Hm.
525,600 minutes
525,000 moments so dear
525,600 minutes
How do you measure,
measure a year?
In daylights--
Okay, that's enough.
Do you know
what you're auditioning for?
Is it a speaking part?
Speaking part.
5 freaking grand per shoot.
- What the fuck?
- For like, three shoots.
- 5 grand?
- 5 grand.
Fuck you, dude. That's crazy.
But there's no like, sing--
singing or anything in it?
I don't-- I think
it's largely improvisational.
The face, you just put
your jaw forward. It's just--
-Can you do it now?
-Oh, yeah.
Would you?
I thank God
every single day
for Inside the Actors Studio.
It made me realize
that what we do is a craft,
like whittling or surgery.
Wait, so
what's the type of role?
Are you-- you playing a child?
Could be as young as 13.
That's cra--
So how are you gonna
get in character, man?
How do you produce the voice?
It comes out.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, I reckon what you's
are wanting to know is--
What I'm doing in here.
Hey.
Well, anyhow, I reckon
that's all you'd need to know.
Oh my gosh, hey.
It's so good to see you.
I like soccer.
I'm a soccer player.
Hmm.
Does it
sound like I'm straining
or does that feel like a lil'?
Weirdly, dude,
I think you nailed that.
If you wanna
do this part justice,
you gotta have
your body looking right.
You need to stay in your lane.
Okay?
What do you mean?
What's my lane?
Like, nubile.
Hairless.
Boy man.
I don't think that's it.
That's you, man.
That's your lane.
Psst. Hey.
Hey.
Yeah?
It's you.
Chris Hammon, right?
- Hansen.
- I knew it.
Thank you.
They double-booked me.
I started raising hell
and they-- they--
they changed it
to a first-class ticket.
Now, who am I to turn down
free sky margs?
Lucky you.
It is so cool
to meet a real celebrity.
What you're doing matters,
like really fucking matters.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
I hope
they're treating you right.
I hope you're making
a million dollars a year.
I hope they're giving you
everything you want. Cheers.
Cheers.
You know, at first,
no one at the network
wanted to listen to us.
And they said,
"How do I promote this?
How do I promote this?"
And-- and
I went to the network
and I said, "I'll tell you
how to promote it.
There's a man
with his penis in his hand,
and he's on your porch,
and he wants
to stick it in your daughter."
Oh.
"Tonight, I'm gonna tell you
how to make that not happen."
God.
-Right?
-Yes.
And they just said,
"Okay."
"Green lit."
Well, that's
what it's about, right?
It is. That's
the entertainment industry.
You gotta tell 'em
how to sell it.
It's not just about
making a show.
- You know, Chris.
- Hmm.
If I was you,
I'd just fucking
kill those guys.
Beat the living shit
out of 'em.
Bare hands.
Ha!
I don't think
that would fly on NBC.
Don't you ever
just wanna bleed 'em?
Uh, well...
I think maybe
what I do is a little worse.
All right, then.
- Stay down.
- Don't move.
Stop resisting.
Give him your hands.
Hands behind your back!
Stay down!
Our Iraq veteran
is all apologies now,
but this is the same man
saying things to a girl
he thought was 13 like...
"We can
take the shower together.
"I will undress you, and you
will undress me, okay?"
Little did he know,
he was chatting
with an adult man,
Xavier Von Erck, a co-founder
of the vigilante group
Perverted Justice,
whose mission is exposing
internet predators.
Coming up, driveway.
Battle stations.
-Battle stations.
-I-- I just gotta go floss.
I-- I have something
stuck in my teeth.
This is Del Harvey,
one of our decoys.
She can act like a cutesy
13-year-old girl.
You're so funny.
Or she can
put a ball cap on
and pose as a boy.
Do you know anything
about like, skateboarding?
Oh, I just whacked my toe
on the banister.
I'll-- I'll be right down.
I've worked a lot with victims
of sexual abuse.
I sort of see what I do here
as a form of activism.
One year
since our first investigation,
this national epidemic
keeps on growing.
- How old are you?
- 35.
Want to try again?
When we come back...
Hey, come on in.
...the parade of men begins,
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
I-- I brought
the condoms, too.
You can have
a seat right there.
Pores.
Ca-- c-- can we get closer
in on his pores?
When these guys,
they see me emerge,
their noses flare.
And I-- I think it'd be
fascinating for an audience
to experience that as well.
Just...
Just... yeah.
Can I just try
that VO one more time?
When we come back,
the parade of men begins
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
It's time.
Hmm.
Okay, let's try that again.
When we come back,
the parade of men begins
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
That was great. I loved it.
That's the one.
Okay, just one more time.
When we come back...
When we come back...
When we come back,
the parade of men begins
and some of them
come bearing gifts.
Very nice.
Mark that take.
-Just one more time.
-We gotta go.
- We gotta go.
- All right. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Great, great work.
Guy thinks he's fucking
Mike Wallace.
Is this a mistake?
The trial will have no jury...
...five anonymous judges
will come to their verdict
after hearing
witness testimony
from behind an opaque screen.
I'm Stone Phillips
with Dateline NBC.
Oh, I forgot something,
I'll be back.
Fucking shit.
I told you
you can't call me at work.
You never
want to see me again?
Absolutely not.
What?
Chris, you said you loved me.
No, I'm not talking to you.
I'm-- I--
I'm in a meeting. I, uh--
You're not
in a goddamn meeting.
And I know
you're in Fort Myers
-next week and...
-I'll call you back. Okay?
...if you don't see me then
I'm telling your wife.
Goodbye!
Yeah, vending services.
Hello, this is Chris Hansen
with Dateline NBC.
Your machine
has just stolen from me.
JZ.
Great to see you.
Apologies.
Apologies for
the delay. I, uh--
It's okay. We-- we were
supposed to start
a few minutes ago,
but it's okay.
Have a seat, and try a cookie.
So, look, I don't know
how else to say this,
but I don't really
like your show.
I don't really understand it.
I don't really believe in it,
but America loves it.
Television's changing.
Seinfeld gone.
Friends gone.
We've poured hundreds
of millions of dollars
into beautiful scripted shows.
The audience just isn't there.
They're not watching.
Right now,
your show has a special
connection with the audience.
Every one of our competitors
is trying to copy it.
ABC will have
a functioning facsimile
in less than a month.
So, I need to move you.
It's time that you all play
with the big boys.
What do we got
on Thursday nights?
Uh, My Name Is Earl.
- No.
- Bump Joey.
We're not bumping Joey.
Let me see.
Friday Night Lights.
No, my favorite show.
Criminal Intent. SVU.
No. Dick Wolf.
Biggest Loser, reality.
Oh, I got it.
We're taking on...
-Lost?
-Lost.
Lost.
Lost is on at the same time.
It's us versus them.
And we can kill 'em,
but we're gonna need
a lot more of those
you're not gonna believe
who's coming high impact--
- Predators.
- Yeah.
Can you do that?
Yes, I can.
Schoolgirl
fetishizers.
Yeah, pizza's my favorite.
What kind
of flavor do you like?
- This thing.
- Pepperoni.
That thing.
We've seen it all before.
That's old Predator.
Oh my God.
You're so pretty.
Aw, you're so sweet.
We need
the spectacular,
the best of the best.
I want whales.
All right,
this guy's good.
CrazyFrog73.
He wants us to cover him
with whipped cream
and he wants to watch the kid
have sex with a cat.
We're taking
the new schedule
-to advertisers next week.
-Come again?
To Catch a Predator,
Wednesdays 9:00 p.m.
Primetime.
Oh, my God. Chris.
I always knew it would happen.
Okay.
I always knew
we could do this.
So, we need to, um...
How do we, um, uh...
high impact predators?
You know, it's not like
we can hold auditions.
You know, we're kind of at
the mercy of what each town--
I know you can
figure it out, Andie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I believe in you.
We're gonna find them
and we're gonna be
bigger than Lost.
We're gonna be
bigger than Lost.
Hey, Hansen.
Breaking news.
I'm Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips with
Dateline NBC.
Great job.
I could never do what you do.
Good to see you, Stone.
Mm. It's thrilling.
I'll be watching
from Afghanistan.
Thank you.
Hey, buck.
I wanna show
you boys something.
Hey, what's up?
- Hey.
- Come on in.
Are you sure
your parents aren't home?
I'm sure.
I have
a bunch of beer in the car,
but I-- I brought the condoms.
Big night planned.
Why don't you have
a seat right there?
I-- I'm just here
to meet her.
They're gonna
put me on primetime.
What makes
you think it's my daughter?
You boys know what that is?
No.
Well, it's the time
when the most amount of people
tune in to watch a program.
You see
how this looks, right?
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
At the end of the day,
a man has to be
held accountable
for the decisions
that he makes.
Don't you agree?
Well,
what do you think
should happen to you?
The electric chair.
Is that
what's gonna happen to me?
Hi.
I didn't hear you come in.
Did you wake them?
Oh no, I was just um--
I was just
reviewing the new edit
and uh, they walked in, yeah.
I'm glad they saw you.
...adults who
like to meet
young teens online.
Please, please, please.
Don't put this on TV, please.
Mary, I-- I need
to say something
or my head
is gonna explode. I...
I know that you think you know
what kind of man I am,
that I'm not upstanding
in all the ways
you thought I would be
when we married.
But I just wanna say
that here and now...
...I am guilty of everything
you accuse me of.
The one thing
I am not guilty of
is falling
out of love with you.
And I promise when I return,
I will be the man you married.
They're moving
the show to primetime.
Hello?
Hello, Mr. Plum.
Uh, we have
a extra large style
dildo for you downstairs.
Um, if you could come
and get it
as soon as possible,
that would be amazing.
It's me, it's Troy.
Hey, Troy.
Dude,
what's the room like?
It's awesome.
Uh, I have not one,
but two beds, and--
and they have these like,
cool towel things
and a view of like uh,
this like cool pool.
Have you jerked it yet?
I'm just kidding, man.
Do you have a coffee machine?
Yeah.
Does it have like,
little packets of coffee,
and sugar, and cream?
Yeah, why?
Dude, that's amazing.
That's fucking--
I-- I wish that was me, man.
I'll just say that.
You're
the king of Fort Myers, man.
Uh...
You know what would be
a huge turn on for me?
You know what would be
a huge turn on for me?
Do you have any pets?
Do you have any pets?
Do you have any pets?
You stick my thing
in your mouth.
And then I promise...
Xavier!
Is this for a lying child
or an adult thinking about
fucking a child?
- I-- I--
- Is this for you?
It's so obviously a joke.
Where are the rest
of the goddamn chat logs?
- Did you sanction this?
- Harv, come on.
It's on our merch site.
What is merch site?
If this
doesn't get taken down,
I'm not going out there.
- It's just a thong.
- What...
Andie!
No. No, no. No.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
What are you do--
Whoa, what is this?
-I'm not going out there...
-Wait, wait, Del. But I-- I--
...until this gets taken down.
I-- I need you today.
Our new decoy did not show.
This is on our website.
Let me see,
don't do this to me--
'Cause we need you to bind up.
Hi.
Whoa. Who the fuck are you?
Oh. Oh, hi.
-You're Andie?
-Hi.
-I'm Dan.
-What are you wearing?
-What are you wearing?
-I, uh--
- You need to change.
- Bogey.
Yo, Crazy Frog is here.
Uh, graphic tee
and swim trunks.
Okay, come on.
Okay, Dan.
So you are playing
a 13-year-old named Peter.
Peter.
And you have been
chatting with this man online.
-Okay.
-And he likes cats.
- Cats.
- And he has a sweet tooth.
All you need to do--
Is get him
to the kitchen island.
- Okay.
- And then Chris will
come in and you will go out.
-Oh, Jesus.
-Chris comes in, I go--
- Okay, puka shell--
- Out. That-- that's it.
Puka shell. Puka shell.
Puka shell.
- We're all out.
- No puka shell?
Okay. Dan, do you understand?
Is there maybe time
for a rehearsal?
We're gonna shoot
the rehearsal.
Uh...
Come in.
Peter?
Is that you?
Hi.
Yeah, it's me.
You look different.
Way different.
Maybe.
Sorry, I'm sort of nervous.
You're even hotter
than your pictures.
Did you change your hair
or something?
I've been out in the sun.
- That's cool.
- Wanna go over here?
- Where?
- I guess I thought, um,
maybe we could
hang out in the kitchen.
Okay.
Do-- do you have any water?
I'll see what I can do.
By the way...
...I brought something.
Oh, yeah?
Wow.
Okay.
Primetime, baby.
He did not disappoint.
What's going on here?
Why don't you have
a seat right there?
Wanna explain yourself?
Running around,
looking for a cat,
spraying whipped cream
all over yourself.
What's going on in your mind?
What would've happened
if I wasn't here?
Something would've happened.
Something like?
Something along sexual lines.
Crazy Frog.
Something like
you would've had sex
with an underage teen?
Okay. I don't know
if we would've done that.
Sir,
your penis is already out.
Hey.
Hey.
You were amazing.
Oh, thanks.
You're a movie star.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
You are a natural.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Amazing.
Thank you.
I get stress migraines.
I don't know if you do.
Maybe. Maybe.
Thank you.
You were so good.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
I mean it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- We're doing a story...
- Yeah.
...on adults
who try to meet
young teens online.
It's okay. It's okay.
It happens to us all.
Obviously,
you're free to go,
but please take the cream.
I like this new decoy.
Didn't freeze up
like the last one.
Yeah. I think
he might walk.
Oh, goddamn it, Andie.
Not again.
Well--
I-- I need that one.
He's perfect for Jersey Shore.
Um... I agree, but for his
first time, that was a lot,
and if we do have
to inform the network,
the optics are
really not good.
So can you talk to him?
What? No.
I have somewhere to be.
Uh, in Fort Myers? Where?
I have a life, Andie.
Okay. Uh,
can you talk to him first?
I think that reassurance
coming from you,
maybe at the hotel bar,
maybe a nice Macallan,
and maybe you expense it.
Maybe I don't tell.
Dan Plum.
Chris Hansen.
How're you doing?
I'm okay.
It's a big day.
Do you want some wine, Dan?
Uh. Bud Light?
Bud Light would be nice.
Relax, it's on NBC.
B-- Budweiser, then.
Macallan, neat.
How long you been acting, Dan?
Uh, four years.
Four years professionally,
but I've-- I've dreamt
of it my entire life.
Um, musical theater mainly.
Uh.
Different world.
I hate feeling like
I'm not up to the task.
It-- it matters a lot to me
to-- to do a good job.
Look...
what were you hoping
to achieve
from this experience?
Uh, something for my reel.
More than that um, a credit.
- Mm-hmm.
- That would be
really helpful
for getting my union card
and representation.
Thank you.
Dan.
Do you know what your credit
is on this show?
Peter?
Peter?
Uh,
my character from today?
No.
No.
Superhero.
That's your credit.
Dan, what, what you're doing
is more than acting.
It's much more.
You're-- you're here with us,
and you're--
you're saving children.
Yeah.
Dan.
Daniel.
Dan.
Danny. Danny, uh, Decoy Dan.
-Decoy Dan?
-Decoy Dan.
-Decoy Dan.
-Decoy Dan.
That's your credit.
Decoy Dan.
Decoy Dan.
You remind me of my son,
but uh, older.
Oh.
Thanks.
Trustworthy, loyal, helpful,
friendly, courteous
Kind, obedient,
cheerful, thrifty
Brave, clean, and ha...
Oh, uh...
the uh, respectful?
Close.
Reverent.
Reverent.
I knew you were a Boy Scout.
How long did you do it for?
Maybe like two years
or something like that.
It's a sign
of strong character.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Sorry, can I just ask,
is that an acting totem?
- What?
- Your bracelet.
Is it--
Nothing I do is acting, Dan.
-Right. I--
-Got it in India, 1996.
I was doing a story
on child slave labor.
It won an Emmy.
Predator has never
earned an Emmy,
nor any of the serious
recognition it deserves.
But I think
that's all about to change.
- All right.
- All right.
All right.
I'll see you tomorrow.
See you tomorrow.
Okay.
One down.
Hello?
Oh, hey, Andie.
This is Patty Patterson
from ABC.
Sorry, am I
interrupting something?
No.
I don't think
we've met, but--
Oh, uh,
we have, actually.
The Murrow Awards last year.
Right. Ugh, my brain.
Anyway, we wanted
to congratulate you
on the new time slot.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I saw Jeff
just pitched it to the ad men.
Not-- not sure
if you're aware,
but we've been working
on a show
for the same night.
Uh-huh.
And we have been
so impressed
by your work on Predator,
we would love
to pick your brain.
I was wondering
if you'd be free
for a drink or a--
You know what's better
than a drink?
A sushi roll.
Well,
that's not possible.
I'm-- I'm shooting in
Fort Myers.
That is crazy.
I will be in Florida tomorrow.
Uh, not tomorrow?
Yeah, sounds great.
So I'll see you
tomorrow evening.
Evening? Uh, hey, okay.
Look, I don't mean
to upset you, Kristyn,
but we can still have
a nice dinner as friends.
Like...
Friends?
Hmm.
So none of this
meant anything to you?
Not nothing, no.
Uh, Kristyn, I-- I-- I want
to be a part of your life.
I do. I truly do,
but I can only participate in,
uh, obfuscated ways
at a distance, you know?
But uh...
Kristyn, come on.
Can I tempt you two
with something sweet?
Oh my God,
you're Chris Hansen.
-I'm a huge fan of your show.
-Uh.
But, I don't want
to be in it, but uh--
Do-- did-- did you want
anything for dessert?
Do you have any cookies?
I-- I can definitely
ask the chef.
No, I'm just--
just kidding around.
Just never mind.
No, it was a joke.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Thank you so much
for coming, Mr. Hansen.
Thank you so much.
Come on. Look, I have...
I have a lot
on the line right now.
I love my wife.
We don't need
to make a scene, okay?
We don't need to make a scene.
Happy face. Happy.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna do everything
in my power
to make this right,
I swear to God.
Like I said, okay?
Okay. Just shh.
Shh.
Let me-- let me get you a cab.
Oh. Oh, God.
Come on. Let's go.
Okay. Okay.
Goodbye
Wanna climb a mountain
- Who is it?
- It's me. Can I come in?
- One sec.
- Verification call.
Check it out.
Hey, man.
Hey. There you are.
I told you I was real.
I like real.
What do you think
we should do next Monday?
I don't know.
Um, probably be shooting
some hoops or something,
so if you wanna
shower together,
that might be nice.
Yeah. I can't wait
for, uh, the adventure.
Cool. It's the uh, last house
at the end of the cul-de-sac.
You can't miss it. It's boring
like the other ones.
Well, I can't wait.
Cool. Oh, don't forget
the weed.
Oh, yeah.
- It's gonna be great.
- Cool.
All right. Later. Bye.
Bye.
You have to smile,
so they can hear it
in your voice.
Yeah, cool.
Thanks.
Look, if this is something
you really wanna do,
you can't treat it like
an acting gig, you know?
The last decoy made it
an episode and a half.
Saw a predator who looked like
his dad and walked off.
You have to find ways
to protect yourself.
Yeah.
Thanks.
See you tomorrow.
Don't be late.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Come right in, bro.
I'm baking cookies.
"Come right in, bro."
Love your house.
"Hey, come right in, bro.
I'm baking cookies."
"Hey, come right in, bro.
I'm baking,
I'm baking cookies."
Hey, come on in.
There's sweet tea
on the table.
Hey, come on in.
There's sweet tea
on the table.
Did you bring
any of that stuff
we talked about?
Hey, Marco.
Did you bring the stuff
we talked about?
This your house?
Uh, well, technically,
my mommy and daddy's house.
Hey, just hopped out
of the shower.
Just put a pizza in the oven.
Just picture me naked
and come on in.
I could
figure something out.
Well, what about
a root beer float?
- Ooh.
- I'll do that.
Don't go anywhere.
Oh, they're gonna love it.
They're gonna love this.
How you doing, Stanley?
Are you Jeremy?
Jeremy's talented tongue?
You nervous?
That's okay. Me too.
What did you think you--
Sorry, sorry.
Decoy Dan.
Yo, Christopher,
I need to talk to you.
Fat fucking tuna on the hook.
Oh, really?
Look, come here.
Close the door.
- Hey. Knock, knock.
- Uh, what?
- No, no, no.
- What's shaking?
It's okay.
We're just having a...
Okay.
So we got a fan letter
from some flatfoot cop.
"Dear Chris Hansen
and the good men
of the National
Broadcasting Corporation."
" My name
is Michael Chachere."
Headquarters,
be advised,
I locked myself out the unit.
"I write to you today
to thank you from the bottom
of my heart
for promoting goodness
in this troubled world
we live in."
Yeah, I'll get
the Jared special.
"I also want to thank you
for promoting respect
for law enforcement
in your programming.
"What this world needs,
in my opinion,
is a good,
hard look in the mirror."
We were just talking.
"But what is that,
but your show?"
Sorry.
I didn't--
I swear I didn't know.
"Should you ever find yourself
down in Murphy, Texas,
please know that you have
a friendly face
here in our precinct."
"In our precinct.
Best regards, Michael."
Michael Chachere.
Chief, this could only
look good for election season.
What's the name
of that program?
How to Catch a Predator.
Predator?
Anyhow. They tried
to get in touch with Andie,
but when they couldn't,
they reached out to me.
Uh-uh, I have no missed calls.
Whatever. They want us
to come shoot in their town,
so I start to trawl the area,
and it's the same old shit.
Factory worker,
plumber, loser. Boring.
But-- but then
I catch something
that's like nothing
I've ever seen.
This fish comes along,
takes a bite,
and then boom, vanishes.
He comes back, bites again.
But then, poof, gone.
I never lose these guys,
because they are
usually fucking idiots,
but this is
not your average pedo.
He was careful not to give
anything away, but boy,
did he love to chat.
We battled.
I tried every trick
in the book, Chris.
I was reeling him in
for hours,
but he wouldn't take the bait.
I was ready to give up,
but then he slipped.
A wake in Denton, Texas.
So I did some digging.
Ah.
The only one I could find
was a private event
for government associates
of a dead senator.
...of a dead senator.
The most
important suits in Texas.
Chris, we've never caught
a government operative before,
a man on the inside.
This, this is it.
This guy's got to be CIA, NSA
or he is at the
highest levels of government.
I mean, what are we
talking about here?
Are we talking about a mayor
or a congressman or are we--
are we talking
about the president?
- So Chris--
- Hmm.
We already have our schedule
for the coming months,
and the Jersey Shore
is after this.
Uh, that is a priority
for the network.
I have a feeling about
this guy, Chris.
I really do.
No. It's not enough
information to act.
She's right.
Keep looking and let me know
if you have something more.
I like it, psychic ability.
Nice work.
- Good producing.
- Tell me about it.
Fucking bitch.
Could you show me
the last couple of clips?
Excuse me.
Uh, T minus 10 minutes.
Can you bring up the last
couple of clips we shot?
Oh, they were good.
Well, I wa-- I'm thinking
of trying something new.
-I wanna see what I did.
-They were good.
"You just have to be
very clean in your ass."
Mm-hmm.
Your ass?
I think that's too far.
Uh, stick to the suck
and be sucked stuff.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Okay. Thank you.
God, this is insane.
- Chris Hansen.
- Hi, Chris.
This is Brett Karinsky
from the National Enquirer.
- Uh-huh.
- We just wanted
to give you the opportunity
to comment before we run
a story about you next week.
Uh, and what is the
story about?
A young woman
and your
extramarital activities.
-Does that ring a bell?
-Uh.
- If I call NBC--
- Uh.
What would they say
about this?
America's favorite
pervert catcher
sticking fingers where fingers
shouldn't be stuck.
No.
Uh.
Hello?
Hi, Mary. Chris Hansen.
Yes, honey. I know.
Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Um--
Hey, hey, Dad.
- Hi, boys. Yeah.
- Hey, Dad.
Yeah, I was just calling
to uh, talk to you
and um, just calling
to talk to the boys.
Are you gonna come
to my baseball game?
I'm just in here.
Hey.
Hi.
Trouble finding the place?
Not really.
Oh, shoot.
Spilled soda on my shirt.
I'm gonna go change.
Be back in a sec.
I've been chatting
with him online
for a month now.
He's fucking heinous.
How'd it look?
You were great.
If you guys get me the logs in
more advance next time,
I could use all of that stuff.
I could-- I could've kept him
in there for 20 minutes.
- Daniel.
- Dan, enough.
Actually, do you
have a Diet Coke?
Is Pepsi okay?
Why don't you
have a seat right there?
Why don't you have a seat?
What are you doing here?
Sit down.
Sit down!
What are you doing here?
Nothing good.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a rabbi.
"I like sucking
-and being sucked."
-He's off.
Where's that
in the Bible?
The Old Testament
or the New Testament?
Look, you're being
very hostile to me.
Who gave you
permission to do this?
You did this to yourself.
You know you don't
have the right to do this.
Who do you think you are?
I'm Chris Hansen
with Dateline NBC,
and we're doing
a story on adults
who meet young teens online.
You're doing this
for television?
For television?
- Oh.
- Get him out.
- There he is.
- Get him out of here!
- There he is.
- Oh, oh, fuck.
Get-- fuck.
Oh, that's amazing.
That is amazing.
- It's gorgeous.
- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey.
He's not a leper.
He just touched you.
Doesn't that disgust you?
Yeah.
Why do you
do this, Andie?
'Cause we're gonna be
the number one show on TV.
Yeah?
We're gonna be
the number one show on TV.
Ooh.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Number one show on TV.
I don't mean to sound harsh...
but if you had children,
you would understand.
Picture this.
You're in an IHOP
eating alone,
and you notice a girl
kinda hunched over,
and the mother is berating her
for overeating pancakes.
She says, "You don't
wanna be a fat pig."
And you-- you think
to yourself,
"Oh God,
this is pretty wrong."
And then the mother
gets louder, more insulting,
and then finally
the girl starts crying.
What would you do?
Um,
I might hand the daughter
the number to social services
and tell her
to eat whatever she likes.
And
then I might try to hurt
the mother in some way.
Not physically, but um--
Honey, that's the name
of the show,
What Would You Do?
Oh.
It's a--
It's a hidden,
it's a hidden camera show.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, where we put
strangers
in social situations,
but it's feel-good.
Do you know John Quinones?
Hi, sir. I'm John Quinones.
I'm John Quinones.
Shut it up.
He's incredible.
He wants you.
Oh.
Well, I'm flattered obviously.
Um, I don't think
I'm the kind of producer
that does well
with feel-good stuff,
and I also don't think
I'm the kind of producer
that has a lot of respect
for people who wanna
steal my show.
Okay. Okay. Great.
Look, I dominated
a-- a-- a-- a lot of space
at this network. I-- I'd say
the majority of shows
that have been successful
in the last 10 years
I've had a hand in.
I know the feeling,
and I know that you think
you're just walking
the same path,
but Chris is not the guy
to hold hands with.
He is not that guy.
You know, I met Chris once,
and it's weird,
he didn't even mention you.
Makes me question
if he understands
what you're worth.
I just wanna protect you,
you know?
Chris Hansen.
Hey, Chris.
Hi, Jeff.
Do me a favor.
Hmm.
Go to your TV.
Turn on ABC.
Mmm-hmm.
Tell me what you see.
Lost.
It's polar bears.
Yeah. These polar bears
are gonna fucking
kill us, Chris.
Uh--
I know
people look up to you,
but I'm gonna be frank
with you right now.
This new material,
it ain't cutting it.
Jeff, we have something
very special on the line.
A real "man on the inside"
kind of story.
Wait, wh--
what? Stone's here?
All right. Just tell him
I'll be right there.
Hey, sorry Chris, I gotta run.
Xavier.
- Fuck.
- Xavier.
Shit.
Did you find him?
What?
The fish.
Did you find him?
-The-- the fish?
-The fish, in the CIA.
Come in. Fuck.
Give me a second here.
Andie's been so up my
fucking ass. I've been
trawling balls deep all day.
Who is he?
So I had him
on the hook, right?
But every time
I tried to track him, okay,
I kept getting blocked.
Xavier, I need you
to guarantee
that he has to be extremely,
extremely important.
A hundred percent.
This is big.
The biggest.
A whale.
You think it's a whale?
A whale, definitely.
Okay. Okay.
These are the chats.
How can we catch him?
We have to go there
and be the bait,
because I can tell you
one thing,
he's not coming
to the fucking Jersey Shore.
You can't go over my head
to relocate shoots, Chris.
Do you realize what that
communicates to the network?
It makes me look like
I don't know what I am doing.
We had a full docket of guys
coming to the Jersey Shore.
The flight is now boarding.
We have no plan.
We are chasing a man
without a name.
Guys, the--
sorry to interrupt.
Uh, does the show cover snacks
for the flight?
I'd love to grab some gum
if it's not too much
of a thing.
Yeah?
Sorry. Thanks, thank you.
Saddam Hussein's verdict
speeds through deliberation.
Political leaders urge
for calm in the streets
as Saddam prepares
to get what he deserves.
An open-ended curfew...
What's going on with you?
I need to do something big.
Bigger than Lost.
I'm
Stone Phillips
and this is Dateline NBC.
In Murphy,
we got more firepower
than Satan himself.
M4 carbine,
H&K MP5,
grenade launcher, you name it.
Many of us here served
together during Desert Storm.
I can assure you, Mr. Hansen,
you're not gonna find
a police force
with more oomph.
And after this show airs
on Wednesday night,
no pervert will dare set foot
in Murphy again.
After we're done,
this will be the safest town
in America.
Now let's have some barbecue.
Chief Gunn?
It's nice to put the face
with the face.
I gotta tell you, hoss, they
don't wanna give us funding.
- That's awful.
- And this is
really, really gonna
help us out a lot.
Thank you so, so much.
-What's your name, hoss?
-This is my team.
Xavier Von Erck.
-Xavier.
-Yes.
All right. Are you
not hot, hoss?
- No, no.
- Xavier's the reason
we're all here.
This is Dan Plum.
He is
one of our operatives.
- Dan Plum. Actor.
- Del Harvey. It's an honor.
All right.
Honor's all mine.
Now what does that mean,
"Nin"?
Uh, it's an industrial
metal group,
uh, called, "Nine Inch Nails".
Gator, bring the cuffs.
She's got nine-inch nails
on her.
Yeah, that's right.
And hi, I am Andie Bender.
- Andie Bender.
- I am a producer,
and it's so wonderful
to be here.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm so excited.
I really wanna
check out your equipment here.
Well, come on, hoss. Let me
show you how this works.
I'd love to meet--
kind of meet in private.
I mean, this is really
sort of my operation.
- Sure.
- So it'd be really good
to sort of coordinate
our efforts.
Yeah, let's coordinate.
So you can sound
like a little boy.
Or a little girl.
It depends on
what they want me to be.
I'm kind of a mirror
to reflect back at them
what they want.
I'm Chris Hansen--
With Dateline NBC,
and we're doing a story
on adults who like to meet
young teens online.
And next week,
the Predator team
is in Fort Myers, Florida.
While you
may have thought the stories
this week were unusual.
The story of the man
you'll meet next week...
- Peter?
- ...is
downright bizarre.
I guess I thought maybe we
could hang out in the kitchen.
This potential predator
walks into the house...
I brought something.
- Oh, yeah?
- Takes off his clothes
and whips out
a common dessert ingredient,
much to the surprise
of our decoy...
What's going on here?
...who,
after this episode,
may never order
a hot fudge sundae again.
Yeah! Whoo!
Cheers, buddy.
Cherry popped, baby.
Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
Hello?
Hey.
What's up?
I'm-- I'm naked.
We met on TV.
I'm that pervert
that showed you,
showed you my penis.
And now I'm in prison.
Please let me out.
Dude, it's me.
It's Troy.
Don't worry.
You saw my teaser?
Me
and Amanda, and fucking Sobo
and Christian, Rajiv,
we're all freaking partying.
We just watched it, man.
W-- what'd you think?
Did you think I was good?
I mean,
yeah, it doesn't matter,
right?
What do you mean
it doesn't matter?
What kind of answer is that?
Dude, I mean, like,
here's the thing is that
you were only on screen
for like, 0.1 seconds.
Being all scared
of a predator.
Yeah, that's the character.
That-- that's the point.
As your friend,
I'm proud,
but if I was a random viewer,
I would think
absolutely 0.0% about you.
I mean, dude,
here's the thing.
You were on TV.
I wish I was on TV.
That would be amazing.
Maybe you're not on TV,
'cause you're a bad actor.
What'd you say?
I know you don't mean
that shit, dude--
Hi,
you've reached the Hansens.
We're so sorry we can't
come to the phone right now,
but please leave a message...
And we
hope you have a wonderful day.
Sorry.
Try not to be afraid
of the ball.
It's weird
seeing myself on TV.
I think also my-- my friends
don't really understand.
Sorry.
I can get it.
It's all right.
My friends
don't really understand
what I'm doing here.
How could they
understand, Dan?
Here.
I want you to have this.
I think it's a little big.
You'll grow into it.
Close your eyes.
It's 1996.
You're in Pandalam.
It's in India.
At a cottage bar.
A few drinks in,
a local approaches you
and asks if you're covering
missing children.
You don't know
what he's talking about,
so he tells you.
All across the southern state
of India,
children are disappearing
at night.
It's clinical.
No village ever hit twice.
Nadip?
No suspects.
Nadip?
So the villagers
start turning on each other,
and the lynching begins.
In the
surrounding jungle,
they find the children
in bits.
Chris, can I open my eyes now?
No, not yet.
The authorities
said it was wolves.
But I found a witness.
The young girl
who gave me that bracelet,
she told me what she saw.
A darkness
that cannot be understood.
Nadip?
That exists
outside of time and space.
Not a man,
a monster.
No one believed this girl,
but I did.
So you can tell your friends
that is what we're doing.
We're cleansing the world
of an ancient evil,
and that evil
waits for us in Murphy.
The whale?
The whale.
And he's an Indian guy?
Chris Hansen.
Chris.
He messaged me, Chris.
He's coming.
We've gotta move.
"Are you playing with it?
"Masturbated today?
"Have you masturbated today?
"Have you masturbated?"
Who-- who called you all?
Xavier.
Look, I know that, that
we were set to go tomorrow,
-and the bogey's coming now--
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But listen, my hands are tied.
I've got four Sonys
- in the living room and I--
- Uh-huh, yeah.
Three Sonys.
Goddamn it.
Uh, get what you can
how you can.
Uh, you two, I need you both
on keyboards and anyone
that you had coming tomorrow,
get them here tonight.
T-minus, five minutes.
Everybody in position.
Brace yourselves.
We have to go.
Hey, is this him?
Is this the whale?
Need to know basis, Andie.
Yeah, I need to know.
Are you playing
with it?
Have you masturbated today?
Masturbated today?
Is your dick out?
Do you like to kiss? Cuddle?
Do you like to kiss? Cuddle?
Do you
like to kiss?
I know you're coming.
Enhance the car.
Enhance.
Frag, tell the cops
to get in position.
Got it.
Fuck,
it's fucking grainy.
He's not getting out.
Are they in
or did they get out?
You have
one new message.
Hey,
Chris.
I'm getting the feeling
you're ignoring me.
Listen here, champ,
I need sources, and you're not
giving me a lot of options.
You don't give me a comment,
I'm gonna get to everyone
in your life.
Don't make this harder
than it needs to be.
What the fuck
is he doing?
What's he doing?
Does anybody hear me?
I don't understand.
Could you stop
being in my face?
Do you know
how much money
this is costing
every fucking second?
You don't,
because I do the budget.
You don't do my job,
I do my--
What happened?
It's empty.
What do you mean?
The car drove itself?
What the fuck?
What?
Um, guys, they know
we're here.
How the hell
is this possible?
Hackers.
That doesn't make
fucking sense.
We're dealing with forces
beyond our control here, Harv.
Okay, okay.
We need to change houses.
Okay.
Chris,
we need to change houses.
We're not leaving.
Well, Chris,
no one will come to this house
if they know that we are here,
and we are also
over a 100K in the hole.
It's not about money
for me.
It's--
it is about money.
What are you doing?
Where are we going?
What are you doing?
Chris.
I'm not leaving
till the whale comes.
No, no.
Wait.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Chris.
We're not leaving.
I swear to fucking God
that if you do not get
your shit together,
I will call the network,
motherfucker.
Hey, can you hear me?
- Yeah.
- Do you understand
what I am saying to you?
I am pulling the plug.
The whale is coming.
WRESTLINGDUDEEASTTEXAS
didn't get the memo.
He's pulling up right now.
- Chris!
- The whale.
- Get up!
- There's no show
- without the whale.
- Chris!
Jesus fucking Christ.
Hey,
come on in.
You come here.
No, you come here!
I'm just in here.
Pretty nice place
you got here.
Yeah.
So what's up?
Nothing.
Did you bring the razors?
Sure did.
What did you wanna do
with them?
I was kinda confused.
Oh.
I'll show you later.
You probably go to
a lot of boys' homes, huh?
Nah.
Don't even get
out of the house much.
Barely make it
off the computer.,
You all right?
Mmm-hmm.
You said,
"I wish I could hug you."
That'd be nice.
Uh, why--
why are you reading that?
Then you said,
"Can I be your first at sex?"
I mean, if that's what
you wanted to do.
What in
the world are you doing here?
I'm just hanging out
with you, man.
Hanging out
with a 13-year-old?
Look, I'm just gonna leave.
Well, if you wanna leave,
you're free to go,
but before you do,
you should know I'm not 13.
I'm 23.
My real name is Dan Plum,
and you're on TV.
Whoa, wait a second.
I don't wanna be on TV.
I'm a professionally-trained
actor...
and I'm helping tell a story
on bad guys
who try to meet kids online.
And I hope you remember
my face as the face...
that you saw
when everything changed.
Look, I-- I'm just gonna go.
Police Officer
don't move!
Get down! Get down!
You know,
in the old days
when people would act
so depraved,
they'd drag you down
to the town square,
tie you to a post,
and whip you for all to see.
There used to be a pillory
in every civilized town.
Now there's a television
in every home,
and I'm on it.
So are you, Dan.
Hi, Patty. It's Andie.
Um, gosh, I keep asking
myself, "What am I doing?"
Which I guess is a variant of
what would you do.
So I think that
this is a good sign.
Mr. Quinones, I'd be curious
about how we mesh.
Um...
And I'm-- I'm hoping you know,
if he really is a--
a nice guy,
hey, maybe it'll rub off
on me.
The Enquirer is gonna
release a story about me.
I'm not worried.
I can fix this.
We just need to get him.
How old is she?
She's 30, Andie.
Bravo.
We can't let him
get away.
All I need
is for you to believe.
I'm done.
Andie, the whale is coming.
Chris,
Chris, Chris!
He's back, and he sent photos!
Don't think that's him.
I think it's pulled from
some A&M bio major's profile.
He's randy.
He's given us more in a night
than he has in a week.
It's right here.
Come on.
Fuck.
Come on.
Holy fuck!
He couldn't resist me.
Look it up!
Who are you?
Hello,
you've reached
District Attorney
Bill Conradt's landline.
If you voted for me
for county judge, thank you.
Hey, Will. It's Luke.
Why don't you pick up
and we could talk more?
I'm in town
for one more day...
Morning, Lewis.
to see my aunt.
- Hi, Jerry.
- And um,
she's gonna be gone
for the night.
- Morning.
- So try me back.
Hey, Cortland.
Hey, Mr. Conradt.
- Good morning.
- It is.
I still got that bourbon.
You know
where to find me.
Mmm, I do.
Now,
as a district attorney,
I've seen all sorts
of horrible behavior,
and I understand
how people can see criminals
as other than human.
Despite the child endangerment
we have substantiated,
the defendant here
is not a monster.
He's a man.
But he has brought
a disease to our community,
and by putting this man away
we send a message,
a message that we like our
slice of Texas just how it is,
and we intend
to keep it that way.
"Could I
feel your cock?
"How thick are you?
"I like younger.
"Are you gonna fuck me?
"Do I get to fuck you, too?
"Do you like to kiss?
"Cuddle?"
Did you cum a lot when you
J slash O question mark?
Fuck! He's back! He's back!
Let's call him, man.
Where's my decoy?
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
That w-- that sucked, man.
That wasn't cool, man.
Yo,
you've reached Troy.
For commercial work,
please reach out
- to Sunshine Valley Talent.
- Where's my decoy?
For me, just leave a message.
Hey, man.
Um...
Decoy Dan!
Uh.
Decoy Dan!
Hi.
Are you coming over?
I'm uh,
thinking about it.
Oh, you haven't left yet?
No.
Well, are you coming over
or not?
Well, a little later.
Mmm.
What do you wanna do?
What do you like?
I like musicals.
Maybe we could watch one
and hang out.
That would be nice.
Have you ever tried Vegemite?
What's that?
Have you
ever been to Australia?
Uh-uh.
Oh, I--
Well, I just uh, I love it.
I've seen the most beautiful
things in my life there.
The kangaroos.
Cock.
They're
my favorite animals.
That's cool.
Hey, anyway, I get hard
like super easy.
Why don't you come over
and make it hard?
I uh,
I gotta go.
I worked
with that DA for 10 years.
He's met my wife, met my kids.
Christ.
The guy who catches the guys.
That boy-fucking
Democrat piece of shit!
I'm gonna gut him.
Form up!
Cortland, I need to see him.
I need to look him
in his eyes.
I need to put him
on television.
I need to put his head
on a stick.
Gator, we need warrants.
- We're going to him?
- Yes.
We don't do that.
They come to us.
I think we need to--
good to stick to protocol.
Ay-yo. All his information's
disappearing.
- His MSN, his MySpace.
- Protocol.
- Protocol. Protocol.
- Andie.
Fuck protocol!
Andie.
But uh, we should
really do this, by the book.
By the book--
I need you.
How long's
it gonna take?
A week, maybe two.
If we're going up
against this man,
we have to dot our i's
and cross our t's...
We don't have
that kind of time.
While we stand here dawdling,
he will erase his tracks
if we don't get him today,
and then
we'll lose him forever.
She's right.
Let's go y'all.
Grab everything you need.
Good evening.
Go, go, go, go!
We have not just
gathered as law enforcement...
Form up!
Let's harpoon
that motherfucker.
...You're part
of a story
much bigger than yourselves.
Remember, we're here
to make a statement.
Pedos are not allowed
in Texas.
If you see the camera on you,
act natural.
- Yes, sir!
- Let's catch us a predator.
Yeah! Hut! Hut!
Mary?
Hello, sir. Thank you
for your service. Thank you.
Mary.
Mar-- how you doing?
- Thank you. Mary.
- Chris.
Mary.
I just received a...
Hello?
Mary, hi.
Hi.
I'm coming home tomorrow.
Yes.
And uh, I'll be there
for Thanksgiving.
Chris,
they have photos of you...
and some woman.
They're asking me for comment.
What do you suggest I say?
It's a hatchet job.
There's a--
they just know I'm gonna be
on-- on, on national news,
and uh, you know,
it's par for the course.
You're gonna be
so proud of me, Mary.
I love you, Mary.
Love the boys.
Hey, Chris.
Chris, excuse me. Excuse me.
Mind if we get a photo
real quick?
Sure.
Oh, awesome.
Thanks, man.
I'm a big fan.
You're doing the Lord's work.
You know that, right?
All right. Big smiles.
Big smiles, Melvin.
Big smiles.
All right, y'all,
we got him trapped like a rat.
Let's get some justice
on camera.
I don't think
the DA's gonna come out
with all this
visible hardware.
So then how am I gonna
get my interview?
I can have a tac team
make a forced entry...
it's y'all's call on that one.
If we do that,
I want cameras on your guns.
I don't even know
if that's possible.
Let's make it possible.
Mitchell, cameras on guns!
I mean, how am I gonna get
my fucking interview?
Patty, hi.
Finally got
that offer written up for you.
Sorry, I can't hear you
that well.
Oh, we are
so, so excited--
- Yeah.
- That you're
-coming to the cool network.
-I was thinking about it
and uh...
I don't want to.
Sorry?
What do you mean?
No, I don't want to.
Oh God, Andie.
I stuck my neck out for you.
Well, I'm sorry
if I wasted your time.
Why don't
you take a week
- to think about it?
- No.
I think
you're making a big mista--
I just need you
to talk to him.
Get him outside.
I'll get the interview,
and you'll be a part of
television history.
I can't go out there.
You're either with me
or you're with him.
I don't wanna be a bad person.
Son...
your definition of bad
and my definition of bad
are vastly different.
Moving in now.
Showtime.
Let's go. Let's go.
Whoa! Whoa!
Cameras!
Will?
I know you're in there.
Just come outside.
It'll be safer
if you come outside.
I just,
I just wanted
to watch musicals with you.
Yeah, I know.
Which one was it again?
Rent.
I think I'm in the minority
of people who actually think
the film is better
than the stage production.
That's funny.
All
cameras are recording.
525,600 minutes
525,000 moments so dear
525,600 minutes
How do you measure,
measure a year?
In daylight, in sunsets,
in midnights,
In cups of coffee,
in inches
Hold your positions.
Shit!
10-56, over.
Fire patrol's on the way.
Confirming we have
a civilian casualty.
I think I can make this work.
Medics, two minutes out.
Find some police to interview.
I like younger.
Do you have your dick out?
Are you playing with it?
Do you have your dick out?
Are you playing with it?
Have you masturbated today?
Do you like to kiss, cuddle?
Can I feel your cock?
How thick are you?
Are you gonna fuck me?
Do I get to fuck you, too?
Do you have your dick out?
Are you playing with it?
Have you masturbated today?
Do you like to kiss, cuddle?
What would have happened
if I wasn't here?
Hey. Sorry.
Are you uh, you Daniel Plum?
Mmm-hmm.
- Oh, man,
I think I have your mail.
Yeah, I'm, uh, 202 and a half,
not 202 and a quarter.
- Yeah.
- Thanks. Thank you.
No worries.
No worries. There you go.
- Thank you.
- You know,
at this point,
I swear you should just like,
put my name down on the mail,
'cause the last three tenants
who have lived here,
I've gotten all of their mail.
- Huh.
- It's insane, dude.
- Okay.
- It's like no matter
what I do, I cannot get them
to stop putting it in my box,
and it says 202 and a quarter,
and they're still doing it.
-You know what I mean?
-Right. Thanks.
Oh, you know what?
I have another package.
I'll grab it for you, okay?
All right,
brother man.
There you go.
Overnight priority,
Mr. Fancy Pants.
Hey, what's in the box?
What's in the box?
Oh, shit. Are you an actor?
You uh...
you an actor?
Face painted white
With blue butterflies
Wasting wishes
On the world
You could go home
But you would be alone
Birthday girl
I've got it all
On video
On video
I saw you making
Angels in the snow
They sing so loud
You can't hear yourself
Fragile like a child
At the fair
You took too much
But it was not enough
They had us all scared
My china doll
I saw it all
On video
On video
I saw you making
Angels in the snow
Watching you
Like a common criminal
On video
On video