Princess Diaries ,The (2001) Movie Script
Time for school.
Stop daydreaming.
You'll be late for school.
Hi, Louie, come on.
It's time to go to school.
Let's go.
- Are you feeling confident?
- Not really.
Just remember,
when you make your speech,
don't look at the people.
Pick a spot on the back wall,
don't take your eyes off it,
and speak loudly.
Thanks, Mom.
- Bye, Mom.
- Good luck.
- Morning, Muttons.
- Be nice.
Sorry, Mr. Robutusen.
Have a nice day.
I doubt it.
Hey there, ho there
How do you do
This is Grove Lions saying hi to you
I'm Lana, Anna, Fontana
Go, Lions
- Josh, what are you doing?
- He's such a show-off.
Off the wall, please.
Jeremiah, off the wall.
Come on, you know better than that.
- Good morning, Miss Gupta.
- Morning, Lilly.
Lilly's friend.
I'm sorry. I didn't see you.
I was thinking...
Somebody sat on me again.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't know what happened. I was
sitting there, working on my speech.
- It's really a dumb class.
- Jerk and jerkette sighting.
What? You never saw two idiots
exchange saliva before?
Yeah. They're so rude.
For a second I thought
you were going A-Crowd on me.
Negative.
- Ready for debate?
- I'm never ready for debate.
So, this is not a debate.
It's a control issue.
Grove controls our minds
with what they teach us,
but they're not satisfied with that.
I think Grove should dump the uniforms
and have casual dress all year round.
All right, all right.
OK, settle down.
Settle down, this is a debate.
After it's over,
I want you back in your uniform.
- Whatever you say.
- Josh sit down.
- He's the man.
- He's my man.
OK, Josh, later.
Down boy, you've made your point.
Now we've all heard from Josh Bryant
for the affirmative.
I love that sound.
- What's my point again?
- You like our uniforms.
They're equalizers.
Now we'll hear the rebuttal
from Mia Thermopolis,
who will present the negative argument
against our proposition.
I think...
What a frizzball.
Look at her hair.
We're waiting.
- Say something.
- You see...
Casual... Casual...
- Are you OK?
- She's gonna barf.
Look out, she's gonna hurl.
Cover the tuba.
Mia, finish up with Mrs. Talmond
and then you can take a break.
- Huge tip from Mrs. Hirsch.
- I got one from Mrs. Talmond.
- We are doing all right today.
- Mr. Walsh's ropes are twisted.
Mr. Walsh, stop twisting.
You'll strangle yourself.
- Hi, Mom.
- You threw up?
- And you ran away.
- I'm trying to forget about it.
Can I have some
shoes and chalk, please?
Anyway, I'll go talk
to your debate teacher...
- What's his name?
- Mr. O'Connell.
...And straighten it all out.
I am never going to be
a good public speaker,
just call him and tell him
I want to be a mime.
- I can do that.
- Here you go.
- Your grandmother called.
- What?
The live one, who lives in Genovia.
Clarisse.
This is the first time she's
contacted us, what's she want?
She's in town,
she wants to have tea.
Tea? She came all the way
from Europe to have tea?
- Think I want to climb a little bit.
- Rocks Around the Clock.
Isn't this the grandmother
who made you two get a divorce?
She didn't approve of me.
But Philippe and I made the decision
to divorce on our own.
Why should I go see
this snobby lady who ignores us?
Mia, she's your father's mother.
Just go see her, please?
Tension.
She said your father hoped
that you two would meet someday.
All right, I'll... I'll go.
OK. All right.
I win, band practice is over.
I have a music class. Out.
Let's have the third group try
"Catch a Falling."
Do you want to be in the front?
- Thanks.
- No problem.
Michael.
You sure you can't help me
with my spotted owl petition?
I told you. I'm meeting my grandmother
after school.
Right.
The school tours are on Saturday,
young lady.
I'm here for a meeting
with my grandmother.
Name?
Clarisse Renaldi.
Please come to the front door.
Thank you very much.
Get off the grass!
Welcome, Miss Thermopolis.
We've been expecting you.
Be careful.
Please don't crush my soy nuts.
Your soy nuts are safe.
- OK.
- Right this way.
Please, make yourself comfortable.
...Special food for their daughter.
She's allergic to peanuts.
And we need new pillows
for the Prime Minister's wife.
She's allergic to goosefeathers.
Hello, Amelia.
I'm Charlotte,
from the Genovian Attache Corps.
Hi. It's nice to meet you.
- Where am I?
- The Genovian Consulate.
You've got pears in your flowers.
Genovian pears.
We're famous for them.
Now, if you'll sit down,
she'll be with you in a moment.
I don't need a moment. I'm here.
- Amelia, I'm so glad you could come.
- Hi.
- You've got a great place.
- Thank you.
Let me look at you.
You look so... young.
Thank you.
And you look so...
...clean.
Charlotte, would you go and check
on tea in the garden?
Please, sit.
So...
My mom said you wanted to talk
to me about something, so... shoot.
Before I... shoot, I have something
I want to give you.
Here.
Thank you.
Wow.
It's the Genovian Crest.
It was mine when I was young.
And that was my great grandmother's.
I'll keep this safe.
I will take good care of it.
What did you want to tell me?
Something I think will have
a big impact upon your life.
- I already have braces.
- It's bigger than orthodontia.
The tea is served, ma'am.
Amelia, have you ever heard of
Edward Christof Philippe Grard Renaldi?
No.
He was the Crown Prince of Genovia.
What about him?
Edward Christof Philippe
Grard Renaldi...
...was your father.
Yeah, sure.
My father was the Prince of Genovia.
You're joking.
Why would I joke about
something like that?
No. No, 'cause if he's really
a prince, then I'm...
Exactly.
You're not just Amelia Thermopolis,
you are Amelia Mignonette
Thermopolis Renaldi,
Princess of Genovia.
Me? A... A princess?
Shut up!
I beg your pardon? Shut up?
Your Majesty, in America
it doesn't always mean "be quiet."
- It could mean "wow", "gee whiz"...
- I understand, thank you.
Nevertheless, you are the Princess.
And I am Queen Clarisse Renaldi.
Why on earth would you
pick me to be your princess?
Since your father died, you are
the natural heir to the throne.
That's our law.
I'm royal by marriage.
You are royal by blood.
You can rule.
Rule? Oh, no.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Now you have really got the wrong girl.
I never lead anybody.
Not at Brownies,
not at Campfire Girls...
Queen Clarisse, my expectation in life
is to be invisible
and I'm good at it.
Amelia, I had other expectations, also.
In my wildest dreams, I never
expected this to happen,
but you are the legal heir, the
only heir to the Genovian throne
and we will accept the challenge of
helping you become the princess you are.
I can give you books.
You'll study languages,
history, art, political science.
I can teach you to walk, talk,
sit, stand, eat, dress like a princess.
Given time, I think you'll find
the palace a pleasant place to live.
- Live in Genovia?
- It's a wonderful country, really.
Rewind and freeze. I'm no princess.
I'm still waiting for
normal body parts to arrive.
I refuse to move to,
and rule, a country,
and do you want another reason?
I don't want to be a princess.
Amelia! Amelia!
Amelia! Come back here.
Well, that went well, didn't it?
- Perhaps she needs time.
- Will you help me?
Miss Thermopolis...
I'm head of your security and you want
me to be a chauffeur and babysitter?
For the time being, yes.
The child needs protection.
For 15 years, you couldn't
find a spare minute
to tell me that my father is a royal?
I thought I was doing the right thing.
- The right thing for who, Mom?
- All of us.
If we secretly divorced,
he would be able to find a woman
who'd stay by his side
and produce heirs.
And I'd be free
to live my life with you.
I mean, please, we met in college.
I was young. I wanted to paint.
Can you see me walking one step
behind someone for the rest of my life?
With rules, regulations, waving,
bowing and scraping. I was scared.
Living with a mother who lied to me
for 15 years scares me.
- Where are you going?
- Straighten up the royal bed chamber.
After the divorce,
we all discussed it.
Your father and your grandmother
both agreed to keep their distance,
so you'd have a chance
of a normal childhood.
Free of emotional complications.
We were going to tell you
when you were 18.
But when your father died,
things changed, Mia.
We wanted to protect you.
OK, you know what?
I don't feel protected.
You try living for 15 years
thinking you're one person
and in five minutes you find out
you're a princess.
Just in case I'm not enough
of a freak already, let's add a tiara.
- Drink your soup.
- I'm not really hungry.
Fine. Good night, sweetheart.
Fat Louie... you are so lucky you
don't know who your parents are.
I've never ridden in a limo,
he admitted bitterly to himself
as he crossed to the open window
and looked out at the bay.
The fog looming
like his pathetic life before him.
I can't believe I won an Emmy.
I have this favorite photo of Philippe.
We had so much fun here in college.
He was so full of joie de vivre,
always laughing and smiling.
I remember.
Helen, if Amelia refuses
to accept the throne,
Genovia will cease to exist
as we know it.
So the future of your country
is in the hands of my 15 year old?
Here it is.
Philippe was ready to be king.
Then the terrible accident.
Even though it didn't work out
between us,
- I loved your son very much.
- Thank you.
Well, as always,
this is as good as it's gonna get.
I can't wait until she's 18.
This is a nightmare.
I'm going back to bed.
The three of us have to talk.
OK. ls there something else
about me and my life
that I might want to know about?
Are you two waiting
to take me on a talk show
to let me know I have a twin sister
who's a duchess?
You have a cousin who's a contessa.
Fondly known as Bartholomew.
Actually, we call him Pookie.
Yesterday did not go well.
Will you listen to your grandmother?
Amelia, in a matter of weeks
we have an annual ball.
I was... I am hoping
that I may present you to the press
and the public on that occasion.
However, you desperately need
some instruction.
I speak for the entire Genovian
parliament and the royal family.
And I speak for this family.
Excuse me. I don't have a family
with either one of you,
because you ignored me for 15 years
and you lied to me.
Families don't do stuff like that
to one another, OK?
- Where is she going?
- The tower.
- Mia, you can't run from everything.
- She has a tower?
Please, just come down from there.
Most kids hope for a car for their
16th birthday, not a country.
Just make yourself comfortable.
This is getting us nowhere.
Talk to me.
I can't, I'm late for a meeting
with my guidance counselor.
I'm late for a meeting
with Spain and Portugal.
I have a thought.
Mia promises to attend princess lessons
until your ball.
It's not my ball, it's Genovia's
Annual Independence Day Ball.
I'm sorry.
Mia promises neither
to accept nor reject
your offer to be royal
until this grand ball.
Then she makes her decision.
Now can you both live with that?
It seems I have no option.
If I have to.
But I want not one word of this
until that evening, is that understood?
Duh.
- The press would have a field day.
- Well,
let's not keep Spain
and Portugal waiting.
I'm gonna be 16 this year,
and my mom traded two paintings
to get me a 1966 Mustang.
- You know what a Mustang is, right?
- I raise mustangs.
That is not a sensible car
for a princess.
It's not a sensible car for anyone.
It doesn't run.
I suppose I could donate
something to this vehicle.
- Good morning, Mr. Robutusen.
- Who is this gentleman?
My neighbor,
but you wouldn't want to meet him.
He doesn't have very nice manners.
Good morning.
- There's someone I want you to meet.
- OK.
- You have two limousines?
- One is yours.
- You raise limousines, too?
- No.
- Amelia, this is Joseph.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
The elegant European woman
didn't stay for tea.
Thanks.
But the promise of tomorrow
hung in the air.
Princess?
May I point out that,
no matter how many times you push it,
it will go up and down the same way.
Joseph, can we 86 the flags, please?
No. The flags allow me
to park anywhere.
- We keep the flags.
- Sorry, Joseph.
You can call me Joe.
Joey?
No. Joe.
Did I miss something?
Are we going to a wedding?
No, school.
This is the surprise ride.
This is Joe.
Joe, Lilly. Lilly, Joe.
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
You look like Shaft.
Yes. Excuse me.
- You want a ride?
- Yeah. Totally.
- I got it.
- Of course.
Oh, my word.
Please fasten your seatbelts, ladies.
Is your mother dating an undertaker?
No. This long lost grandmother
showed up and she wants me to use it.
- And?
- I don't know.
I guess she's just trying to be nice
to get me to like her.
Hey, Joe?
Can you park a block away from school?
I don't want to cause a riot
with this hearse.
This is a non-riot hearse.
And if it were a hearse,
there would be silence in the backseat.
Hey there, ho there
How do ya do?
This is Grove Lions saying hi to you.
Go, Lions!
This is a reminder.
Virtual homework may not be submitted
for actual credit.
Tell, me, Mia,
is it true about your speech?
Are you speaking
at the bulimic convention?
So you can speak and barf
at the same time?
- Good glove, Michael. Way to go.
- That's the way to make the play.
I'm gonna let this one go.
Try catching.
Are you sure?
It's a slow pitch,
you can catch it on a bounce.
Get it and throw it back to the pitcher.
Come on.
I am so sorry.
I'm really... I...
I didn't mean to. Can I help you?
Ice. Get me ice.
I'm on the verge
of becoming a nutcase,
and my parents think I need
an attitude adjustment.
Sorry.
Yeah, so,
my dad wants to take me to
dinner tonight, just the two of us.
We ran out of things to talk about
when I was eight.
At least your dad's still alive.
I thought you were getting over that.
It's been two months.
I know, but after all, he was my dad.
Biologically, yes,
but you never met the man.
Just a nice card and gift
on your birthday for 15 years.
Be fair, they were beautiful presents.
Remember the Faberge merry-go-round?
That was nice.
- And he paid for my school tuition.
- I guess so.
You know, Lilly,
I gotta run, OK?
I gotta go see your brother
about my baby.
OK, but let's take the limo tomorrow,
these hills are killing me.
You got it.
He fixes cars, plays guitar
and he can sing.
- He is so hot.
- He is wicked sweet.
Talk loud, I got a band rehearsing.
You've been listening
to the sounds of Flypaper.
We're flying away now.
All right, stop yelling.
They're finished.
It sounded really good.
Ned is really wailing.
- Hello, Mia.
- Hey, Doc.
So what's the diagnosis for my baby?
Four hundred dollars.
Yeah, I know. It costs to be cool.
- This is not my day.
- I'll do some labor free.
Thanks, but I'll talk to my grandma
about it. It'll be great.
Anyway, I'll see you guys later.
I gotta be somewhere.
"I'll do some labor free."
You sweet on her?
She's my sister's best friend.
That's the hardest place to be.
Between friend and friendlier.
Your Majesty, the diplomatic pouch
has arrived and she's here.
- Send her in.
- Yes, ma'am.
I need more roses.
Red, white, mauve.
- Miss Amelia, welcome.
- Hi.
Straight ahead to your left.
Her Majesty is in the library.
Charlotte, take notes, will you?
Amelia, circle slowly,
so I can evaluate the work to be done.
Amelia! Does your bad posture
affect your hearing?
- Turn.
- Sorry.
No, slowly turn.
Slowly, thank you.
Well, carriage, obviously.
Hairstyle.
Complexion. Stop!
Eyes, lovely.
But hidden beneath
bushman eyebrows.
The neck is seemly.
Ears...
...like her father.
Really? They are?
- Who has nails like these?
- Everybody.
Tomorrow, I would like to see
clean fingers.
You will wear stockings,
not tights, not socks,
and I never want to see
those shoes again.
When walking in a crowd,
one is under scrutiny all the time.
So we don't schlump like this.
We drop the shoulders,
we think tall.
We tuck under and we transfer
the weight from one foot to...
Princesses never
cross their legs in public.
Why don't you tuck one ankle
behind the other,
and place the hands
gracefully on the knees.
Charlotte, I think it's time for tea.
Tell me, how does my mother,
or any person for that matter,
go into a parent-teacher conference
and come out with a date?
Mr. O'Connell is not married,
he's not living with anyone,
plus he's not pierced,
tattooed or hair plugged.
Do you realize how rare a find that is
south of Market Street?
Did it ever occur to you that if you
dated one of my teachers,
it would give the other kids license
to mock me for the rest of my life?
You're right, I didn't and I'm sorry.
It's just that Patrick...
Mr. O'Connell,
he's such a nice man, a real gentleman,
and I haven't met one
of those in a long time.
OK. It's fine.
I can't do anything right any more,
can I?
- Come on, get her.
- In your face.
- Stop the ball.
- Come on.
Just block one, Mia.
- I can't do this, I'm a girl.
- What am I, a duck?
No, I mean...
You're an athletic girl.
I'm a synchronized swimming,
yoga doing,
horseback riding,
wall climbing type girl.
My hand-eye coordination is zero.
You can go later.
Josh, get in here.
Yeah, I'm in.
I was watching you earlier
and... you're way tense.
You gotta use your hands.
Don't just stand there.
You gotta go for it. You gotta think
like the ball, be the ball.
You gotta stop it,
know what I mean?
Bring it on.
Hey, Joe. I'm turning
the backseat into a dressing room
so I can change into
a proper outfit for Madame, OK?
- Yes, well don't forget the shoes.
- Thanks.
Strange town, San Francisco.
When I purchased the pumps,
they asked if I wanted them wrapped
or if I wanted to wear them.
All right, closing.
Going UP-
- You all right?
- I'm fine.
Going down.
I've never put on pantyhose,
but it sounds dangerous.
Grandma? Is it customary in Genovia
to imprison your dinner guests
with Hermes scarves?
It's Herms.
The scarf is merely a training tool.
Eventually you'll learn to sit
and eat properly without it.
Manners matter.
But enough etiquette for the day.
Now, Genovia does a lot of trade
with Spain,
- so we prepare for that.
- Sorry.
The quickest way
to a Spanish heart is dance.
Shall we?
What kind of dancing do you do?
Just normal kind, like...
I see.
We have a Genovian alternative.
The dances here are very sedate.
Right from the hips.
No bobbing of the head, please.
It's not a doggy on a dashboard.
Straight, straight, straight up.
Let's practice this here.
This dance is between
a waltz and a tango. You see?
- It's a wango?
- No.
Here we go.
Spin out and spin into me.
- OK.
- No. No, no, no.
Try again.
One more spin, very quickly.
Pull away.
That's it, good. Good attitude.
Spin in.
- Good.
- I did it?
- Yes.
- I spun without hurting anyone.
That's very good news.
Spin, spin. It's done.
Better. It's coming along.
- Now, you may go home.
- Thank you.
See you tomorrow.
Thank you.
You've been wearing black too long.
This is Coach Harbula.
You can sign up now
for the Baker beach party.
Sorry. Sorry... Sorry.
- Mia. Are you ready? Let's go.
- Sorry, I can't do it today.
I've got a grandma thing.
I'll call you, OK? Bye.
What, has your grandma turned into
the big bad wolf?
Cute, Jeremiah,
but a way to a girl's heart
is not by treating her
like a vending machine.
Get off the grass!
- Hi, Adolpho, I'm late.
- She's late.
- You're late.
- I know, I'm really sorry...
- Where is Paolo?
- Send in Paolo.
Always prompt.
- My assistants, Gretchen and Helga.
- Good afternoon.
We're so pleased
you could make yourself available.
Your Majesty.
We won't waste time,
let the work begin.
Of course.
Where is the beautiful girl?
My granddaughter, Amelia.
She is gorgeous.
Let us take a closer look.
We have a limited number of days
before the state dinner.
Frizzy, busy, dizzy...
in the best sense.
I would like your ladies to sign
our confidentiality agreement.
Majesty, they know what is a secret.
Excuse me, the Genovian press secretary
is waiting for your call.
Yes, of course.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave,
come back and be surprised.
Charlotte, watch him like a hawk.
So we begin, Principessa.
In Paolo's hands, remember,
you will be beautiful.
You have thick hair.
Like a wolf.
Is all right.
Do you wear contact lenses?
I have them,
but I don't like to wear them.
Now you do.
- You broke my glasses.
- You broke my brush.
Gretchen! Helga!
I love your eyebrows.
We'll call them Frida and Kahlo.
If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx,
their child would have your eyebrows.
You want to know a big secret?
- Tell me.
- The cucumber does nothing.
This is something we make up.
Majesty, Paolo is exhausted.
Only Paolo can take this and this,
- and give you...
- A princess.
Better. Much better.
Why don't we go and have
a wonderful cup of tea?
Come, Mia.
- Lilly, the car is here.
- I'm coming.
Thanks for the ride.
He)'-
What?
Michael, don't always think
you can get a ride with us...
Who destroyed you?
You think it looks that bad?
You look ridiculous, you should sue.
I know it's a little
straighter and shorter.
- Weirder.
- An attractive weirder.
- It's not attractive.
- Seatbelts.
What I can't understand,
you ditched me again when I needed help
on the Greenpeace petition.
This bag.
You have one of these bags?
We could hock that and feed
a whole third world country.
- Am I right?
- No.
If there are no more passengers,
we should close the door.
You used to care more about what was
inside your head instead of on it.
Come on, Mia. Fess up.
I don't know where you are these days,
and now you're an A-Crowd wannabe?
You're morphing into one of them.
Who knows, next week you could be
waving pompoms in my face.
You sold out.
Was my mirror fogging up or was
someone tearing back there?
- I'm fine.
- I'll go meet your grandmother.
You should know that no one can make
you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that.
Yes. Another special lady,
like yourself.
- I'll be back at 3 o'clock.
- Thank you.
She has a hat.
Do you really think wearing that hat
is gonna keep people from seeing
your new Lana-do?
Just because the student population
might be morally bankrupt
- doesn't mean they're blind.
- Lily! Just stop it, OK?
Just because your hair sucks,
get off mine.
Ouch, thank you.
Can you please pretend you have a life
for just one moment?
Hey. Relax. Breathe.
- What did you just say to me?
- You heard me.
I am so sick of you
ragging on me all the time
and always telling me what to do.
I get enough of that
from my mother and now my grandmother.
I don't need it from you.
I'm not an idiot. I know something's
going on you're not telling me.
Friends tell. So, you know what?
Here is your friendship charm.
I'm taking it off
and it's going in the dirt.
Don't do that. OK? Just...
- All right, just... Wait.
- Why?
I will tell you the truth, but you're
gonna think it's stupid and freak.
Try me.
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
- Is that all you can say?
- I'm sorry I was harsh.
I don't know what else there is to say.
Will you come on my cable show?
I can't, this is a royal secret.
You can't tell anyone, not even Michael.
You are sworn to secrecy.
Secret handshake.
We might have to think
of a new secret handshake.
Are you sure you can run a country?
You barely keep your goldfish alive
for a couple of days.
I'm not sure of anything right now.
There are pros and cons
to being a princess.
Don't say that word, people can hear.
Class has begun.
I have a little surprise for you.
Pop quiz, French Revolution.
Mr. O'Connell.
There's a school rule that says
no hats in class.
I don't think anybody should be
an exception to that rule, do you?
No, Lana. Mia, I'm sorry,
hats are against the dress code.
What?
- Look who's trying to fit in now.
- It's a wig, right?
I think it looks really sweet.
Looks like she got a head transplant.
Well, I think it rocks,
and you know what?
Voltaire, hair.
I would personally
like to learn about Voltaire.
OK, Lilly.
Everybody settle down now.
Quiz time.
The roses are lovely,
but now we need fountains,
lights in the trees.
The Japanese Embassy has a waterfall,
why can't we have fountains?
- We have a fountain up there.
- I would like at least two in here.
- Just make me an Eden.
- Yes, ma'am.
Amelia, let's continue.
In your spare time,
I would like you to read these.
"What's in a name?
That which we call a rose by
any other word would smell as sweet."
And so, you wave to them
and acknowledge them gracefully.
Not quite so big,
it's very exhausting after awhile.
Very funny, dear. Try it properly.
Waving, even more gently.
You sort of say,
thank you for being here today.
- Thank you.
- Thank you for being here.
I'm sorry, ma'am. I must pick up
the Prime Minister. Excuse me.
Thank you for being here today.
So, this is considered art.
My parents did this in the '60s.
They had an exhibition at Woodstock.
I guess you're trying to bring it back?
This beats homework.
Some moms help their kids
with homework, you do this.
Nice shot.
I like it.
Bull's-eye.
This is more fun than princess lessons.
What're you doing Saturday night?
Are you guys playing?
Rehearsing some new things.
We got two new songs.
Oh yeah?
Plus, surprise,
we got the new parts for your 'stang.
We could put it together, together.
- Is this like a date?
- No.
- Music, cars...
- Would it include pizza?
Of course, pizza's a given.
- With M&M's?
- Wait up! Wait up for me.
Not you, I don't even know you.
- I am in
- Great.
- Saturday, it's on.
- Yeah, great. Hi.
Hey, Lill. What's up?
- What's happening over there?
- I don't know.
- What's going on?
- Maybe it's a protest.
Excuse me. Who are you waiting for?
There she is.
That's Mia Thermopolis.
- We're waiting for you.
- Right here, Princess.
- Did you tell?
- I didn't say anything.
Princess Mia,
who is your favorite actor?
Why are they calling her princess?
- What do you do about pimples?
- Let's just go.
Come on, Mia.
Let's get inside.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
The phone's ringing off the hook.
What?
Mia, your mother's on her way.
The Queen is coming.
To Grove High School.
- A limo with flags.
- The Genovian limousine has arrived.
The Queen is getting out.
Why all the secrets?
All we keep hearing is "no comment."
Do you have a comment?
Are you taking the Princess home?
Mom, I don't know who told on me.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
Here's your tea, your Majesty.
I'm sorry we don't have finer china.
- It's perfectly all right.
- Here.
Joseph.
- Speak.
- Paolo?
Majesty. It was I who told the press.
I outed you, so to speak.
I don't mean to imply...
But not for money.
Paolo hates money, he spits on money.
There was no money.
Well, there was some money.
A man like me. Each ring is...
The point is it was pride and ego
that drove me to know
that royalty would see one day
the beauty was mine,
the hair was mine.
That I, Paolo Puttanesca,
was responsible...
By the way, your hair, magnificent.
Next time we go lighter.
- Would you like to say anything?
- Isn't that just awful?
Doesn't anyone
respect royalty any more?
What is it like in Genovia,
Your Majesty?
Do people just fawn over you?
I wonder, would you give us
a moment alone?
- I'm the vice principal.
- Would you take this fine educator,
and show her your security plans
for Amelia's safety?
What?
Yes, of course.
- Your security system is a bit lax.
- Is it?
A week ago,
Mia was a normal kid.
She has never been normal,
she was born royal.
We cope with the press every single day,
and we will do it again.
You don't have to do this.
You can get out of
this whole thing right now.
Your mother is right.
We had a bargain.
All right. I will think about it
and let you know soon.
Good. A diplomatic answer.
Polite but vague.
Mia is the daughter of local
eclectic artist, Helen Thermopolis.
They currently live in a refurbished
firehouse south of Market Street.
Mia is also the only grandchild
of Queen Clarisse Renaldi.
Whose husband, King Rupert,
passed away last year.
This is Nelson Davenport, KRLH.
Will the Feng Shui Club please stop
rearranging the tables on the lawn.
Hello, princess!
You're the most popular girl in school,
everybody wants to take your picture,
and be your best friend.
- Hi, Lilly.
- Hi. So you know what?
I've made a list of all the reasons
for you not to be a princess.
Number one, no privacy.
Number two, you always
have to look just right.
Number three...
Are you OK?
What was number three?
You can't go nutso.
You can't be all... during the day.
Lilly, Lilly.
I really don't want to talk
about this at the moment.
- OK?
- OK.
One last question.
Now that you're "out,"
would you come on my cable show
Saturday night?
- Yeah, sure.
- I love you.
I'm going to buy you another charm
for your charm bracelet. OK? OK.
See you Saturday night.
Joe!
Yes, Miss Mia.
I don't want to run my own country.
I just want to pass tenth grade.
So... can't I tell everyone
I simply quit?
No one can quit being who they are,
not even a princess.
You can refuse the job,
but you are a princess by birth.
How can I tell if I can even do the job?
By simply trying-
Like the fancy dinner coming up.
She thinks you're ready.
Really?
Shall we practice entering
like a princess?
Entering.
At the Grand Ball,
you enter with the Queen,
but at the State Dinner,
you enter unaccompanied.
Shoulders back...
...smile.
They're all happy to see you
- There she is.
- How is she?
You are much prettier.
Well done, the worst is over.
Our diligent Prime Minister,
Sebastian Motaz.
- Hello.
- His lovely wife, Sheila.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hello.
Their charming daughter, Marissa.
Lord Fricker,
let me take your brandy glass.
You won't need it in there.
Easy on the schnapps,
remember the Winter Dinner.
I'm not allowed to go to the party.
Dinner is served.
Her Majesty, Queen Clarisse.
Someday we will own Genovia again
and you will be Queen.
And your face
will be on a postage stamp.
- How are the children, Robby?
- Would you like to see them, ma'am?
There's Ryan and there's Bridget.
They're beautiful.
Would you like to see?
Mr. Prime Minister, how would you say
the pear market is doing in Genovia?
The Genovian pear market is blossoming,
if you'll pardon the pun.
I hear they're serving
filet on the bone.
And that's their princess.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
- You wanted to see me?
- Is everything all right?
- Yes.
- What happened with the ice bucket?
- I had a clumsy moment.
- OK.
The food's delicious, by the way.
It was for a feminist group in Scotland
called Tarts for Tartan.
- They were a wild bunch.
- Very exciting.
Thank you.
Between the courses
to cleanse the palate.
I'm fine. It's cold!
- She didn't realize it was frozen.
- What should we do?
We should take that much, too.
Just do the same thing.
They are acting like monkeys.
Have you ever experienced
that instant headache
when you eat ice too quickly?
No.
Wash your hands.
- I'm really sorry.
- It happens all the time.
I would like to propose a toast,
to the Baroness and Baron von Troken.
May you always be Baron.
The famous Genovian
pear and cheese dessert.
What else?
You are nothing
but an overdressed, drunken...
I'm outta here.
I am sopping
Was that my fault?
Shall we adjourn
to the Grand Ball for coffee?
Sorry I let you down, Dad.
Good night, Louie.
This place was such a mess
when I first arrived.
I've been spending every
spare moment in it I can.
Pick up one of these.
Make yourself useful. Spray everything.
- You're not mad for what happened?
- Actually, I found it rather funny.
Reminds me of my first
royal dinner party.
I knocked over a suit of armor
and the spear went right through
the suckling pig.
Amelia, why don't we cancel lessons
for today and just have some fun.
Fun? You're not too busy
for something like that?
Lady Jerome has just arrived,
and the French Consulate's assistant
is on hold.
He wants to confirm tonight's dinner.
Send my apologies.
Cancel everything today.
I'm being shown San Francisco
by a true San Franciscan.
Tell Joseph I'll need the car.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Wait.
I want to show you my baby.
I haven't sat in the front seat
of a car in the longest time.
By the way,
thanks for the money for my car.
So where are you taking me?
- Well, do you have any change?
- No.
It's not appropriate
for royalty to jingle.
OK, I'll get the change.
This one's my favorite.
You put a quarter in and grab his hand.
- I touch that?
- Yeah, you touch that.
And then you press the button...
...then you just go.
- All right.
Looks like Rupert's cousin
from Liechtenstein.
- How do I know it's ready?
- It'll just go.
There you go. It's going.
It's going!
Go, go!
You enjoy this humiliation?
It's hard the first time, do it again.
Hold this.
Come on, you can do it.
I'm ready for you this time.
Go. It's going, it's going.
Go, go, go.
Go, you're doing good.
Yes! You got it. Gimme five.
- Five?
- Five.
I want one of these.
Just not this one.
Did my father always
want to be a prince?
Yes.
Except once about 15 years ago.
He seriously considered
renouncing his title.
Because he met a lovely artist
who showed him wonderful things
about how life could be,
how he could be.
But?
But he had a decision to make.
Nobody could make it for him.
Not I, though many people thought I did,
or anybody else.
Philippe knew that my first born,
his brother Pierre, wanted to abdicate
which he did, eventually,
to join the church.
Your father realized that the love
he could have for one person,
or even two,
could not make him forget the love
he felt for his country and its people.
It was the hardest thing
he ever had to do.
- Do you want a bite of this?
- Why not?
Here goes.
- Why, it's delicious.
- Really?
Then, let's get another one.
I know it's the fastest way back
to the consulate, but I hate this hill.
I do believe I'm beginning
to feel that corn dog.
Maybe you could sneak gently through.
- OK, I'll try.
- Good.
- Now blaze on up.
- I got it.
- Yes, you've got it.
- I got it.
You've got it.
I haven't got it.
Mia... Mia, brake!
Look out!
Down here!
911, I need to report an accident.
Didn't you hear the bell?
- They put me on hold.
- For the love of God.
Put down
destruction of public property.
I will and last, but not least,
driving without a license.
Accompanied by an adult
whose license expired 45 years ago.
I've been trying to tell you, officer.
Licenses don't expire in Genovia.
Not for the Queen.
Don't I have diplomatic immunity?
You do, but her
we have to take downtown.
What?
- I'm sorry, miss.
- It's all right, I understand.
- I understand perfectly.
- You do?
No town, no city, no country
can function peacefully
if it's officers
and transportation engineers
don't follow the letter of the law.
I would be proud to have
two such fine, honorable gentlemen
serving in Genovia.
- Shucks, ma'am.
- We're not all that.
You most certainly are.
As a matter of fact,
I would like to bestow upon you
the honor of the...
...Genovian Order of the...
Genovian Order of the Rose.
Won't you please kneel?
Does anybody have a saber?
I've got an umbrella.
- I have an emergency brake.
- This will do fine.
With the power vested in me
by the royal crown of Genovia,
- I dub thee...
- Artie Washington, San Francisco.
Arthur Washington,
and I dub thee...
Bruce Macintosh of San Leandro.
Bruce Macintosh,
masters of the Order of the Rose.
And all of you bear witness to this
auspicious moment in history.
- Please rise.
- Wait'll I go home and tell Bernice.
Now, Mia, I know you don't want to go
all the way downtown, but...
That won't really be necessary.
No one got hurt, did they?
- We're insured.
- Chivalry ain't dead, you know.
- Noble Arthur, how very kind.
- Do you need a lift home?
That would be very helpful.
Come along, Mia.
- Good-bye, trolley people.
- Please take the car to Doctor Motors.
Goodbye.
You were awesome.
You are the coolest queen ever.
All in a day's work.
Wave good-bye, that's a queen.
- Would you like to slide in first?
- I never slide.
Thank you.
Bruce, how 'bout getting on your royal
carriage and getting us out of here?
Here she is. This is the possible
new Princess of Genovia.
That's right, Genovia.
Anyone know where Genovia is?
A country between France and Spain.
That was a question on Jeopardy.
This girl won the genetic lottery.
Back up, let's go, the Princess
is late for school.
- Could you sign my backpack?
- Hi, Princess.
- Can I have your autograph, please?
- What's your name?
- Lilly.
- That's my best friend's name.
Would you consider you
and the princess best friends?
I would say that.
We do everything together.
We shop, get our hair done,
even finish each other's sentences.
It's very cool.
- What's your name?
- Charlotte.
- You two must be twins.
- Yes.
I don't have any sisters,
but I do have a cat, Fat Louie.
- That's a funny name.
- Will you take a picture with me?
- The Princess is late for algebra.
- Thank you so much.
The pack is back.
Are you ready?
Mia.
Hi.
Step into my office.
Hi.
So I hope what Lana said on TV
didn't freak you out too much.
- No.
- Good.
Because I broke up with her
because of it.
I hate phony publicity seekers.
Anyway...
Saturday night's the big beach party.
I think it'd be cool
if we went together.
See ya on the waves.
Bye.
Attention.
Remember to watch Grove High School's
TV cable show Saturday night,
with our host, Lilly Moscovitz.
- Michael.
- Princess.
You will never guess what
Josh Bryant just asked me
Can I borrow a comb?
No.
He asked me to go to
the Baker beach party with him.
That's this Saturday, right?
I was thinking
I could come by next week
and listen to your band play then.
- All right?
- Yeah. That's... yeah.
You OK?
- I'm fine.
- I have to go, but thank you so much.
- Joseph driving you?
- No. He took the night off.
I'm gonna take the bus
with the other kids.
- I look like an asparagus.
- But a very cute asparagus.
Don't worry,
I'm just gonna wear my blue suit.
Are you nervous about the beach party?
No, actually I'm kind of excited.
I think I might get my first real kiss.
Who from?
Josh Bryant.
That Backstreet Boy clone
you've had a crush on forever?
He is not a Backstreet Boy clone,
he's a sailor.
I thought he was never nice to you.
Well...
I don't know, he is now.
I just hope that if he kisses me,
my foot pops.
- Pops?
- Yeah.
You know, in old films, whenever a girl
gets seriously kissed,
her foot would just kind of pop.
OK, I'm gonna go change now.
I hope you get your first real
foot-popping kiss.
We are Mark and Brian and
welcome to the Baker Beach Bash.
With one week left of school,
you'll be out for the summer
and we know what's on your mind,
how to find that summer love?
If you do, how do you know if it's true?
Here to tell us all about it,
please welcome Lana and the Lanettes.
Lana, Anna and Fontana.
- That is so amazing.
- Awesome.
I'm glad you had fun.
I thought you'd get soared.
- Most girls I take freak out.
- I wasn't scared.
And now it's time again
for your favorite talk show host,
direct from Grove High School,
the lovely Lilly.
It's Saturday night,
and welcome to my cable show,
Shut Up and Listen.
Later on in my show I will be joined
by our very own Princess Mia,
to discuss her positive opinion
of the Save the Sea Otter Movement.
Until she arrives,
I've asked Grove's magic master,
Jeremiah Hart, to entertain us
with some sleight of hand.
Hello, folks.
Awesome.
Hey, Princess, give us a smile.
How did they find me here?
- What?
- How did they find me here?
Wave everybody, you're on TV.
Wait, Princess.
Don't be shy. Come back.
Chopper boy, look over here. Royal DJ's.
- I am so sorry about all of this.
- No, it's fine.
It's fine.
They can't get us in here.
We were having such a good time
and they came and ruined it.
I know.
They can't see us, we can't see them.
We're all alone in this little shack.
Actually, it's kinda cozy in here.
There's no one I'd rather
be here with than you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Josh.
- This isn't romantic.
- You're right.
My foot is caught
in a volleyball net and I...
- Hey! My dad thinks I'm a princess.
- I'm a friend of Mia's.
While we're waiting,
how about a foot massage?
That would be so wonderful, thank you.
Actually, I mean you give me one.
And, indeed, it is the queen of hearts.
Thank you, Jeremiah,
for your potpourri of prestidigitations
for the past hour.
Obviously, Princess Mia has a problem
appearing here tonight.
And I'm sure she has a good excuse.
I'm Lilly Moscovitz
for Shut Up and Listen.
Thank you and good night.
- Mia. The coast is clear.
- Really?
- They're gone.
- Good.
What do you say we go find
a more romantic spot?
Quiet.
No, stay.
- Give her a smooch.
- Give her a big, sloppy wet one.
Hit him again.
Go away. Get off.
Go away and leave me alone.
The Princess has left the building.
- What's your name?
- Where do you go to school?
Josh Bryant.
I go to Grove High School.
- What, are we friends with Mia now?
- Yes, we hate Josh.
Sorry, it's hard to keep up
with who we're not talking to.
- Here she comes.
- Mia, Mia...
I'm sorry, I can't talk.
I've got to get my clothes.
We've got your clothes.
You'll be a lot warmer.
- You guys want to help me?
- Yeah, Josh is such an idiot.
We'll make sure no one bothers you.
Thank you, that's really nice of you.
That's so great of you.
Thank you so much.
- Everything's fine.
- Is anybody coming?
No.
I really appreciate this.
She's got her bathing suit off.
Now.
That was the scream of Princess Mia.
Go away. All of you, please!
Come here, Mia.
Piranhas, all of you. Back off!
My mom always told me
I couldn't cry and to be a big girl.
You've been hurt, so you just cry.
It was really bad.
My foot didn't even pop.
It was just last night
that San Francisco's own little princess
partied at the beach.
But what started out as innocent fun,
soon turned into
allegedly too much fun.
This is Suki Sanchez for KPFW.
- Please say something.
- There's not much to say.
A picture's worth a thousand words.
And you have two pictures.
I really embarrassed the family,
didn't I?
Not to put too fine a point on it,
yes, you did.
I think you're making a wise decision
to abstain from the job.
I suppose I won't come
to the ball, then.
Of course you should come.
You're still family.
Just because you don't want to be
princess, doesn't mean you're in exile.
Your mother's planning to come.
All your guests are invited.
Except for your beach friends.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm meeting with the press in an hour
to do damage control.
You can come in now.
If I may say so,
that did not go very well.
Is this the way a princess should act?
My information tells me
that boy was using her.
The kiss was merely a device
so he'd get his 15 minutes of fame.
Her friends didn't help, either.
Anna, Falana, Banana, Bandana...
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Why didn't she have enough
common sense to deal with this?
She's only 15.
Today she acted beyond her years.
She showed great respect
and gracefully accepted your criticism.
You're saying that as a queen,
I was too harsh on her.
I was critical of the person who could
become the next ruler of my country.
I'm saying as a grandmother,
you might have been too harsh
on your granddaughter.
- Do you think she can do it?
- I have no doubts.
I thought so, too.
It's Mia Thermopo-lips.
Can you autograph
your picture for me? Josh did.
There's Princess Pucker Up.
Lilly?
Can I talk to you for a minute, please?
Can I just talk to you for a minute?
- Is that cool?
- Sure, let's talk.
About what?
How you broke my brother's heart?
How you stuck me with Jeremiah
during my show, doing pick a card?
I'm sorry. I forgot to call you
and tell you I couldn't make it.
So, I was stuck with Happy Houdini
while you're making out
with the yachting yahoo.
- Those are really good alliterations.
- I don't want to talk alliterations.
I came up here to tell you I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I missed your cable show,
and I'm just really sorry.
I can't believe you hung me up,
after all I did for you.
I kept your royal secret.
You know how hard it is
to have a show and keep a secret?
You didn't keep it a secret
how jerky you thought
my being a princess was.
Congratulations, you got your wish.
I'm not gonna be a princess.
- You're not?
- No.
But I want you to be.
What?
I didn't mean it.
The green monster of jealousy came out
because you were Miss Popular and
I thought I was losing my best friend,
so I got angry, upset and hurt.
I told you,
I need an attitude adjustment.
But the truth is, you being
a princess is kind of a miracle.
What miracle? It's a nightmare.
No. Think about it.
I just found out that my cable show
only reaches 12 people.
Wanting to rock the world but having
zip power like me, that's a nightmare.
But you, wow.
What is so wow?
Wow is having the power
to affect change.
Make people listen.
How many teenagers have that power?
What more of a miracle do you want?
We'll just have to
find a different miracle,
not more, just different.
Listen, tomorrow night is the
Genovian Independence Day Ball.
To make up for missing your cable show,
I'm inviting you.
I hope you'll forgive me.
And I hope you come.
What will I wear?
I don't know,
but it doesn't really matter.
- I'm just happy you're going to come.
- Thanks.
- And you can be a princess.
- No, I can't.
- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.
- Move it in, let's go.
- Bobby Bad, hang up the phone.
Yes, Mom. I'll go
to the dentist after school.
I hate it when they move in like that.
It's not a championship game,
it's just gym class.
Just hit the ball.
I don't want to flunk you.
Come on, you can do it.
Keep your eye on the ball.
That's all right, that's OK
You're gonna hit it anyway
Go, Lions.
Come on. It's a ball, not a snake.
Back in formation.
Sorry.
Foul ball. It's all right.
It's OK, just focus.
Focus.
Come on, remember it's only a game.
Eye on the ball.
Would you rather hit a beach ball?
Order me a pizza, pepperoni.
Run, Mia!
I gotta go. Get up!
What are you doing?
All the way, Mia.
Hi, Josh.
Come on, girl.
Safe, and you passed.
Nice job. Way to go.
It's open, come on in.
Michael, how are you?
What?
Did Lilly tell you that I called?
Because I called.
- I brought your oar.
- Thank you.
Seven times I called.
If you have any problems,
Doc said to call.
OK.
Do you want the check now?
I have the last payment.
Yeah. Thank you.
Are you hungry or thirsty?
- No.
- Here it is.
Thank you for doing this for me.
It's really great of you.
I didn't do it for you.
Doc lets my band practice.
- Right.
- I help with the cars.
- Here.
- Thanks.
I know you're still mad at me
for blowing you off,
and I'm really sorry I did.
I'm going to try to make it up to you.
HOW?
I'm still going to the
Genovian Independence Day Ball
and I'm inviting you.
It could be fun.
I'm wearing this great dress
I can't breathe in.
- Lilly's got a date.
- Josh looks better in a tux.
But see, it's...
I really want you
to be the one I share it with.
You don't have to wear a tux.
You can wear sweatpants for all I care.
Don't worry about me.
I just consider myself royally flushed.
Stop the bovine massacre.
Sign up now and save a cow.
Vegetarians have rights.
Make Grove School more tofu friendly.
Go sit by Jeremiah,
I'll be there in a minute.
She's wearing that dorky hat again.
- You want to see a trick?
- Not right now.
What are you doing?
Are you writing a story or...
My portfolio's increased by 30 percent
since last quarter...
Look what we have,
the perfect nerd couple.
Jeremiah and Mia.
Miah and Mia.
Listen, my friends and I were wondering
was the sweater designed for you, or
did the knitting machine just blow up?
Sunglasses, girls.
It's Jeremiah hair glare.
Is one of your magic tricks your hair?
Lana.
That is such a cute cheerleading outfit,
it's so clean cut.
- I bet it goes with anything.
- Of course it does...
You're such a freak.
Yeah, I am, but someday
I might grow out of that.
But you will never stop being a jerk.
- Lana got coned.
- Lana got coned.
- Lana got coned!
- Mia!
Toodles.
Mrs. Gupta, did you see
what she did to me?
No, honey, I'm sorry.
I was in a very important meeting.
Send it out for dry cleaning.
It's a present for your 16th birthday,
from your father.
It was found among his possessions.
- My birthday's not for two weeks.
- I know.
I wanted you to have it before we leave.
I return to Genovia
the day after tomorrow.
Thank you.
It's locked.
If you open the locket I gave you,
it becomes the key.
Thank you for bringing it down here.
I also came to apologize
for the way I spoke to you
about the beach incident.
It was judgmental of me.
I didn't pause to verify the facts.
That's all right.
I've been thinking about it
a great deal.
The truth is, I think you'd make
a very fine princess.
People think princesses
are supposed to wear tiaras,
marry the prince, always look pretty
and live happily ever after.
It's so much more than that.
It's a real job.
You are an extraordinary person,
Grandma.
But I don't think
I'm meant to do this.
I would be so afraid that I would
disappoint the people of Genovia,
and I couldn't bear
to disappoint you again.
Well, as I said, I have faith in you.
I'm a writer.
I write soaps, soap opera.
- Ever see Middle House Road?
- No.
Big hit. I wrote a character
just like you once, he was a spy.
- I'm not a spy.
- That's what the character said.
I'll see you tonight, then.
I do have one favor to ask.
I need you to formally renounce
your title for the press.
At the ball.
Make a speech.
Do you think, maybe,
considering my history with the press,
it would be better if you did it?
You wouldn't stop driving your Mustang
just because a couple of insects
hit the windshield, would you?
Look how far you've come.
I'll be right there with you.
- I'll have Joseph pick you up at...
- No.
I promised I'd let my mom drive me.
She wants to drive me to my first ball
or something.
All right. I'll see you there, then.
Grandma?
I am sorry.
Oh, my dear.
You are first and foremost,
my granddaughter.
Please don't be late.
Thank you, dad,
but I can't be a princess.
I don't make speeches
and I'm not Clarisse Renaldi.
And I just... I can't do it.
I'm scared.
- Joseph.
- Charlotte, Miss Kawa.
Pardon me, I have to go
get the band ready.
Should you be going
to get Princess Mia?
Mia told Clarisse her mother
would bring her.
Helen just arrived and said
Mia was waiting for you.
She's going to run.
Come on, Fat Louie, time to pack.
Let's get your things.
Louie?
What have you got there?
Come on. We're going on a trip.
We're going to Colorado
where we can climb some real rocks.
We are so out of here.
My dearest daughter,
today is your 16th birthday,
congratulations.
I present you with this diary to fill
the pages with your special thoughts
Special thoughts of your wonderful life.
It is a custom in my family
to pass on a piece of wisdom
when one reaches this age.
I pass it on to you, as my father
passed it on to me.
Courage is not the absence of fear,
but rather the judgment
that something else
is more important than fear.
The brave may not live forever,
but the cautious do not live at all.
From now on,
you'll be traveling the road
between who you think you are
and who you can be.
The key is to allow yourself
to make the journey.
I also want you to know,
I loved your mother very much
and still think of her often.
Happy birthday, my Mia
All my love, your father.
There's Countess Puck of Austria
as the glamorous continue to arrive
at the Genovian Independence Ball.
Despite threats of rain, the turn out
includes the mayor of San Francisco
and the Genovian pearjuggler.
The future of Genovia is in the hands
of young Mia Thermopolis.
Her decision tonight
will affect the queen, the court,
and all the people
of this small, but proud, country.
- Do you think it's going to rain on us?
- It never comes down on Willie Brown.
- Thank you.
- Umbrellas up.
And that's enough pearjuggling.
The trip is off, Louie.
Perfect.
Come on.
Genovians are famous for their
impeccable taste in art.
Also for their cheese.
Maybe it's string cheese.
Don't do this, baby.
Gotcha.
Sorry, Mr. Robutusen.
Here you go.
It's already paid for.
- I didn't order pizza.
- You must've.
Unless there's another
Michael Moscovitz here.
We get a call, we deliver,
that's our motto.
You don't make the pizza?
I just deliver them.
Press passes, thank you.
- Hi, where are you from?
- Teen Scene Magazine.
Good.
The Queen has entered.
Do we have any news
on the von Troken matter?
- It will be decided tonight, ma'am.
- I'm afraid so.
- Where is she?
- She went somewhere. I know nothing.
- Come here.
- What?
Talk to me.
She went that way, then that way,
two minutes ago.
Thank you very much.
- Do we have any problems?
- Everything's perfect.
It's wonderful.
You're not very good at lying.
No, I'm not, Your Majesty.
- The garden looks beautiful.
- Thank you.
Come on, baby, you can make it.
Yes, come on. No.
Baby, please. Come on.
There's no answer
at Princess Mia's house.
I couldn't get Joseph on the cell phone,
too much static from the storm.
The press are starting to complain
about making their deadlines.
If she's not here in ten minutes,
I'll make the announcement.
- Yes, ma'am.
- It's OK. She'll be fine.
She's gonna get here.
Is this punishment for driving
without a licensed driver
in the front seat?
I am invisible and I am wet.
The press is wondering if it would be
possible while we're waiting...
No interviews until later
in the evening.
We're meeting
Baroness and Baron von Troken.
Is it true if the teenager
refuses the princesship,
your family will take over Genovia?
They must have a legitimate Renaldi
blood relative or we rule.
No, ma'am.
Then it's time.
You wouldn't happen to be
running away, would you?
What? Dressed like this?
No, I'm going to a ball.
Good. Get in.
Her Majesty, the Queen.
My fellow Genovians
and honored guests.
Good evening.
I apologize for the delay...
Hello. May I say...
Welcome to our grand
Genovian Independence Day Ball.
- There's no time to change.
- You look fine.
Pretty and fine. No running.
Here you go. It's nice.
Thank you so much
for your patience.
I have an announcement to make.
My granddaughter...
- She's here.
- I see.
I would like to announce that
my granddaughter has arrived.
With a fascinating explanation
as to her wardrobe, I'm sure.
She's styling a wet,
sort of grunge-look hairdo,
and is wearing a sweatshirt,
jeans and Docs.
Would you care to say a few words?
Yes.
Why didn't we dress like her?
We look like idiots.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Think they're trying to
save money on the gown?
Hello, I'm Mia.
It stopped raining.
Get your tiara ready.
I'm really no good at speech making.
Normally, I get so nervous that I faint
or run away or even get sick.
But you really didn't need to know that.
I'm not so afraid any more.
My father helped me.
Earlier this evening,
I had every intention of
giving up my claim to the throne.
My mother helped me
by telling me it was OK
and by supporting me,
like she has for my entire life.
But then I wondered how I'd feel
after abdicating my role
as Princess of Genovia.
Would I feel relieved,
would I feel sad?
Then I realized
how many stupid times a day
I use the word
In fact, probably all I ever do
is think about myself.
How lame is that when there are seven
billion other people on the planet.
Sorry, I'm going too fast.
But then I thought...
If I cared about the other seven billion
out there, instead of just me,
that's probably
a much better use of my time.
If I were Princess of Genovia,
then my thoughts and those
of people smarter than me
would be much better heard
and just maybe,
those thoughts could be
turned into actions.
This morning when I woke up,
I was Mia Thermopolis.
But now...
...I choose to be, forevermore...
...Amelia Mignonette
Thermopolis Renaldi,
Princess of Genovia.
I hope you didn't order
your stationary yet.
This was my very first tiara.
I was rather fond of it.
I'm hoping you will be, too.
Grandma, but you had it all ready.
How'd you know I'd be here?
I recognize the same spirit in you
as someone else I know.
Who?
Me.
You made it.
You bet your life,
you big, tall stringbean.
Here. Paolo here to save the day.
Her Majesty, Queen Clarisse,
and her Royal Highness,
Amelia, Princess of Genovia.
Perhaps we'd better
get you dried off now.
Thank you.
No longer does Mia
stand for missing in action,
Genovia has a new princess.
They had the same idea I had,
but now the garden is occupado.
Why me?
Because you saw me
when I was invisible.
Just because I'm royal
doesn't mean I'm different.
I'm still the same person.
I'll have to live in Genovia a bit,
but I'm still gonna go to school, and...
Dear Diary,
today is my first official day
as Princess of Genovia.
We'll land in a few hours and
I'll meet the Parliament and people
before beginning my royal duties.
Mom is, of course, moving with me
and will continue painting
without the balloons.
Lilly and Michael are planning
to spend their summer vacation
at our, can you believe it, palace.
They're even having
my Mustang brought over,
which I can legally drive in two weeks.
Grandma's so glad to be going home.
And Joseph...
...is watching nearby, as usual.
Everybody's got pre-coronation jitters,
including me.
Everybody except Fat Louie,
he's totally adapted to being a royal.
I guess he was one all along.
Princess, look out the window...
...and welcome to Genovia.
Stop daydreaming.
You'll be late for school.
Hi, Louie, come on.
It's time to go to school.
Let's go.
- Are you feeling confident?
- Not really.
Just remember,
when you make your speech,
don't look at the people.
Pick a spot on the back wall,
don't take your eyes off it,
and speak loudly.
Thanks, Mom.
- Bye, Mom.
- Good luck.
- Morning, Muttons.
- Be nice.
Sorry, Mr. Robutusen.
Have a nice day.
I doubt it.
Hey there, ho there
How do you do
This is Grove Lions saying hi to you
I'm Lana, Anna, Fontana
Go, Lions
- Josh, what are you doing?
- He's such a show-off.
Off the wall, please.
Jeremiah, off the wall.
Come on, you know better than that.
- Good morning, Miss Gupta.
- Morning, Lilly.
Lilly's friend.
I'm sorry. I didn't see you.
I was thinking...
Somebody sat on me again.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't know what happened. I was
sitting there, working on my speech.
- It's really a dumb class.
- Jerk and jerkette sighting.
What? You never saw two idiots
exchange saliva before?
Yeah. They're so rude.
For a second I thought
you were going A-Crowd on me.
Negative.
- Ready for debate?
- I'm never ready for debate.
So, this is not a debate.
It's a control issue.
Grove controls our minds
with what they teach us,
but they're not satisfied with that.
I think Grove should dump the uniforms
and have casual dress all year round.
All right, all right.
OK, settle down.
Settle down, this is a debate.
After it's over,
I want you back in your uniform.
- Whatever you say.
- Josh sit down.
- He's the man.
- He's my man.
OK, Josh, later.
Down boy, you've made your point.
Now we've all heard from Josh Bryant
for the affirmative.
I love that sound.
- What's my point again?
- You like our uniforms.
They're equalizers.
Now we'll hear the rebuttal
from Mia Thermopolis,
who will present the negative argument
against our proposition.
I think...
What a frizzball.
Look at her hair.
We're waiting.
- Say something.
- You see...
Casual... Casual...
- Are you OK?
- She's gonna barf.
Look out, she's gonna hurl.
Cover the tuba.
Mia, finish up with Mrs. Talmond
and then you can take a break.
- Huge tip from Mrs. Hirsch.
- I got one from Mrs. Talmond.
- We are doing all right today.
- Mr. Walsh's ropes are twisted.
Mr. Walsh, stop twisting.
You'll strangle yourself.
- Hi, Mom.
- You threw up?
- And you ran away.
- I'm trying to forget about it.
Can I have some
shoes and chalk, please?
Anyway, I'll go talk
to your debate teacher...
- What's his name?
- Mr. O'Connell.
...And straighten it all out.
I am never going to be
a good public speaker,
just call him and tell him
I want to be a mime.
- I can do that.
- Here you go.
- Your grandmother called.
- What?
The live one, who lives in Genovia.
Clarisse.
This is the first time she's
contacted us, what's she want?
She's in town,
she wants to have tea.
Tea? She came all the way
from Europe to have tea?
- Think I want to climb a little bit.
- Rocks Around the Clock.
Isn't this the grandmother
who made you two get a divorce?
She didn't approve of me.
But Philippe and I made the decision
to divorce on our own.
Why should I go see
this snobby lady who ignores us?
Mia, she's your father's mother.
Just go see her, please?
Tension.
She said your father hoped
that you two would meet someday.
All right, I'll... I'll go.
OK. All right.
I win, band practice is over.
I have a music class. Out.
Let's have the third group try
"Catch a Falling."
Do you want to be in the front?
- Thanks.
- No problem.
Michael.
You sure you can't help me
with my spotted owl petition?
I told you. I'm meeting my grandmother
after school.
Right.
The school tours are on Saturday,
young lady.
I'm here for a meeting
with my grandmother.
Name?
Clarisse Renaldi.
Please come to the front door.
Thank you very much.
Get off the grass!
Welcome, Miss Thermopolis.
We've been expecting you.
Be careful.
Please don't crush my soy nuts.
Your soy nuts are safe.
- OK.
- Right this way.
Please, make yourself comfortable.
...Special food for their daughter.
She's allergic to peanuts.
And we need new pillows
for the Prime Minister's wife.
She's allergic to goosefeathers.
Hello, Amelia.
I'm Charlotte,
from the Genovian Attache Corps.
Hi. It's nice to meet you.
- Where am I?
- The Genovian Consulate.
You've got pears in your flowers.
Genovian pears.
We're famous for them.
Now, if you'll sit down,
she'll be with you in a moment.
I don't need a moment. I'm here.
- Amelia, I'm so glad you could come.
- Hi.
- You've got a great place.
- Thank you.
Let me look at you.
You look so... young.
Thank you.
And you look so...
...clean.
Charlotte, would you go and check
on tea in the garden?
Please, sit.
So...
My mom said you wanted to talk
to me about something, so... shoot.
Before I... shoot, I have something
I want to give you.
Here.
Thank you.
Wow.
It's the Genovian Crest.
It was mine when I was young.
And that was my great grandmother's.
I'll keep this safe.
I will take good care of it.
What did you want to tell me?
Something I think will have
a big impact upon your life.
- I already have braces.
- It's bigger than orthodontia.
The tea is served, ma'am.
Amelia, have you ever heard of
Edward Christof Philippe Grard Renaldi?
No.
He was the Crown Prince of Genovia.
What about him?
Edward Christof Philippe
Grard Renaldi...
...was your father.
Yeah, sure.
My father was the Prince of Genovia.
You're joking.
Why would I joke about
something like that?
No. No, 'cause if he's really
a prince, then I'm...
Exactly.
You're not just Amelia Thermopolis,
you are Amelia Mignonette
Thermopolis Renaldi,
Princess of Genovia.
Me? A... A princess?
Shut up!
I beg your pardon? Shut up?
Your Majesty, in America
it doesn't always mean "be quiet."
- It could mean "wow", "gee whiz"...
- I understand, thank you.
Nevertheless, you are the Princess.
And I am Queen Clarisse Renaldi.
Why on earth would you
pick me to be your princess?
Since your father died, you are
the natural heir to the throne.
That's our law.
I'm royal by marriage.
You are royal by blood.
You can rule.
Rule? Oh, no.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Now you have really got the wrong girl.
I never lead anybody.
Not at Brownies,
not at Campfire Girls...
Queen Clarisse, my expectation in life
is to be invisible
and I'm good at it.
Amelia, I had other expectations, also.
In my wildest dreams, I never
expected this to happen,
but you are the legal heir, the
only heir to the Genovian throne
and we will accept the challenge of
helping you become the princess you are.
I can give you books.
You'll study languages,
history, art, political science.
I can teach you to walk, talk,
sit, stand, eat, dress like a princess.
Given time, I think you'll find
the palace a pleasant place to live.
- Live in Genovia?
- It's a wonderful country, really.
Rewind and freeze. I'm no princess.
I'm still waiting for
normal body parts to arrive.
I refuse to move to,
and rule, a country,
and do you want another reason?
I don't want to be a princess.
Amelia! Amelia!
Amelia! Come back here.
Well, that went well, didn't it?
- Perhaps she needs time.
- Will you help me?
Miss Thermopolis...
I'm head of your security and you want
me to be a chauffeur and babysitter?
For the time being, yes.
The child needs protection.
For 15 years, you couldn't
find a spare minute
to tell me that my father is a royal?
I thought I was doing the right thing.
- The right thing for who, Mom?
- All of us.
If we secretly divorced,
he would be able to find a woman
who'd stay by his side
and produce heirs.
And I'd be free
to live my life with you.
I mean, please, we met in college.
I was young. I wanted to paint.
Can you see me walking one step
behind someone for the rest of my life?
With rules, regulations, waving,
bowing and scraping. I was scared.
Living with a mother who lied to me
for 15 years scares me.
- Where are you going?
- Straighten up the royal bed chamber.
After the divorce,
we all discussed it.
Your father and your grandmother
both agreed to keep their distance,
so you'd have a chance
of a normal childhood.
Free of emotional complications.
We were going to tell you
when you were 18.
But when your father died,
things changed, Mia.
We wanted to protect you.
OK, you know what?
I don't feel protected.
You try living for 15 years
thinking you're one person
and in five minutes you find out
you're a princess.
Just in case I'm not enough
of a freak already, let's add a tiara.
- Drink your soup.
- I'm not really hungry.
Fine. Good night, sweetheart.
Fat Louie... you are so lucky you
don't know who your parents are.
I've never ridden in a limo,
he admitted bitterly to himself
as he crossed to the open window
and looked out at the bay.
The fog looming
like his pathetic life before him.
I can't believe I won an Emmy.
I have this favorite photo of Philippe.
We had so much fun here in college.
He was so full of joie de vivre,
always laughing and smiling.
I remember.
Helen, if Amelia refuses
to accept the throne,
Genovia will cease to exist
as we know it.
So the future of your country
is in the hands of my 15 year old?
Here it is.
Philippe was ready to be king.
Then the terrible accident.
Even though it didn't work out
between us,
- I loved your son very much.
- Thank you.
Well, as always,
this is as good as it's gonna get.
I can't wait until she's 18.
This is a nightmare.
I'm going back to bed.
The three of us have to talk.
OK. ls there something else
about me and my life
that I might want to know about?
Are you two waiting
to take me on a talk show
to let me know I have a twin sister
who's a duchess?
You have a cousin who's a contessa.
Fondly known as Bartholomew.
Actually, we call him Pookie.
Yesterday did not go well.
Will you listen to your grandmother?
Amelia, in a matter of weeks
we have an annual ball.
I was... I am hoping
that I may present you to the press
and the public on that occasion.
However, you desperately need
some instruction.
I speak for the entire Genovian
parliament and the royal family.
And I speak for this family.
Excuse me. I don't have a family
with either one of you,
because you ignored me for 15 years
and you lied to me.
Families don't do stuff like that
to one another, OK?
- Where is she going?
- The tower.
- Mia, you can't run from everything.
- She has a tower?
Please, just come down from there.
Most kids hope for a car for their
16th birthday, not a country.
Just make yourself comfortable.
This is getting us nowhere.
Talk to me.
I can't, I'm late for a meeting
with my guidance counselor.
I'm late for a meeting
with Spain and Portugal.
I have a thought.
Mia promises to attend princess lessons
until your ball.
It's not my ball, it's Genovia's
Annual Independence Day Ball.
I'm sorry.
Mia promises neither
to accept nor reject
your offer to be royal
until this grand ball.
Then she makes her decision.
Now can you both live with that?
It seems I have no option.
If I have to.
But I want not one word of this
until that evening, is that understood?
Duh.
- The press would have a field day.
- Well,
let's not keep Spain
and Portugal waiting.
I'm gonna be 16 this year,
and my mom traded two paintings
to get me a 1966 Mustang.
- You know what a Mustang is, right?
- I raise mustangs.
That is not a sensible car
for a princess.
It's not a sensible car for anyone.
It doesn't run.
I suppose I could donate
something to this vehicle.
- Good morning, Mr. Robutusen.
- Who is this gentleman?
My neighbor,
but you wouldn't want to meet him.
He doesn't have very nice manners.
Good morning.
- There's someone I want you to meet.
- OK.
- You have two limousines?
- One is yours.
- You raise limousines, too?
- No.
- Amelia, this is Joseph.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
The elegant European woman
didn't stay for tea.
Thanks.
But the promise of tomorrow
hung in the air.
Princess?
May I point out that,
no matter how many times you push it,
it will go up and down the same way.
Joseph, can we 86 the flags, please?
No. The flags allow me
to park anywhere.
- We keep the flags.
- Sorry, Joseph.
You can call me Joe.
Joey?
No. Joe.
Did I miss something?
Are we going to a wedding?
No, school.
This is the surprise ride.
This is Joe.
Joe, Lilly. Lilly, Joe.
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
You look like Shaft.
Yes. Excuse me.
- You want a ride?
- Yeah. Totally.
- I got it.
- Of course.
Oh, my word.
Please fasten your seatbelts, ladies.
Is your mother dating an undertaker?
No. This long lost grandmother
showed up and she wants me to use it.
- And?
- I don't know.
I guess she's just trying to be nice
to get me to like her.
Hey, Joe?
Can you park a block away from school?
I don't want to cause a riot
with this hearse.
This is a non-riot hearse.
And if it were a hearse,
there would be silence in the backseat.
Hey there, ho there
How do ya do?
This is Grove Lions saying hi to you.
Go, Lions!
This is a reminder.
Virtual homework may not be submitted
for actual credit.
Tell, me, Mia,
is it true about your speech?
Are you speaking
at the bulimic convention?
So you can speak and barf
at the same time?
- Good glove, Michael. Way to go.
- That's the way to make the play.
I'm gonna let this one go.
Try catching.
Are you sure?
It's a slow pitch,
you can catch it on a bounce.
Get it and throw it back to the pitcher.
Come on.
I am so sorry.
I'm really... I...
I didn't mean to. Can I help you?
Ice. Get me ice.
I'm on the verge
of becoming a nutcase,
and my parents think I need
an attitude adjustment.
Sorry.
Yeah, so,
my dad wants to take me to
dinner tonight, just the two of us.
We ran out of things to talk about
when I was eight.
At least your dad's still alive.
I thought you were getting over that.
It's been two months.
I know, but after all, he was my dad.
Biologically, yes,
but you never met the man.
Just a nice card and gift
on your birthday for 15 years.
Be fair, they were beautiful presents.
Remember the Faberge merry-go-round?
That was nice.
- And he paid for my school tuition.
- I guess so.
You know, Lilly,
I gotta run, OK?
I gotta go see your brother
about my baby.
OK, but let's take the limo tomorrow,
these hills are killing me.
You got it.
He fixes cars, plays guitar
and he can sing.
- He is so hot.
- He is wicked sweet.
Talk loud, I got a band rehearsing.
You've been listening
to the sounds of Flypaper.
We're flying away now.
All right, stop yelling.
They're finished.
It sounded really good.
Ned is really wailing.
- Hello, Mia.
- Hey, Doc.
So what's the diagnosis for my baby?
Four hundred dollars.
Yeah, I know. It costs to be cool.
- This is not my day.
- I'll do some labor free.
Thanks, but I'll talk to my grandma
about it. It'll be great.
Anyway, I'll see you guys later.
I gotta be somewhere.
"I'll do some labor free."
You sweet on her?
She's my sister's best friend.
That's the hardest place to be.
Between friend and friendlier.
Your Majesty, the diplomatic pouch
has arrived and she's here.
- Send her in.
- Yes, ma'am.
I need more roses.
Red, white, mauve.
- Miss Amelia, welcome.
- Hi.
Straight ahead to your left.
Her Majesty is in the library.
Charlotte, take notes, will you?
Amelia, circle slowly,
so I can evaluate the work to be done.
Amelia! Does your bad posture
affect your hearing?
- Turn.
- Sorry.
No, slowly turn.
Slowly, thank you.
Well, carriage, obviously.
Hairstyle.
Complexion. Stop!
Eyes, lovely.
But hidden beneath
bushman eyebrows.
The neck is seemly.
Ears...
...like her father.
Really? They are?
- Who has nails like these?
- Everybody.
Tomorrow, I would like to see
clean fingers.
You will wear stockings,
not tights, not socks,
and I never want to see
those shoes again.
When walking in a crowd,
one is under scrutiny all the time.
So we don't schlump like this.
We drop the shoulders,
we think tall.
We tuck under and we transfer
the weight from one foot to...
Princesses never
cross their legs in public.
Why don't you tuck one ankle
behind the other,
and place the hands
gracefully on the knees.
Charlotte, I think it's time for tea.
Tell me, how does my mother,
or any person for that matter,
go into a parent-teacher conference
and come out with a date?
Mr. O'Connell is not married,
he's not living with anyone,
plus he's not pierced,
tattooed or hair plugged.
Do you realize how rare a find that is
south of Market Street?
Did it ever occur to you that if you
dated one of my teachers,
it would give the other kids license
to mock me for the rest of my life?
You're right, I didn't and I'm sorry.
It's just that Patrick...
Mr. O'Connell,
he's such a nice man, a real gentleman,
and I haven't met one
of those in a long time.
OK. It's fine.
I can't do anything right any more,
can I?
- Come on, get her.
- In your face.
- Stop the ball.
- Come on.
Just block one, Mia.
- I can't do this, I'm a girl.
- What am I, a duck?
No, I mean...
You're an athletic girl.
I'm a synchronized swimming,
yoga doing,
horseback riding,
wall climbing type girl.
My hand-eye coordination is zero.
You can go later.
Josh, get in here.
Yeah, I'm in.
I was watching you earlier
and... you're way tense.
You gotta use your hands.
Don't just stand there.
You gotta go for it. You gotta think
like the ball, be the ball.
You gotta stop it,
know what I mean?
Bring it on.
Hey, Joe. I'm turning
the backseat into a dressing room
so I can change into
a proper outfit for Madame, OK?
- Yes, well don't forget the shoes.
- Thanks.
Strange town, San Francisco.
When I purchased the pumps,
they asked if I wanted them wrapped
or if I wanted to wear them.
All right, closing.
Going UP-
- You all right?
- I'm fine.
Going down.
I've never put on pantyhose,
but it sounds dangerous.
Grandma? Is it customary in Genovia
to imprison your dinner guests
with Hermes scarves?
It's Herms.
The scarf is merely a training tool.
Eventually you'll learn to sit
and eat properly without it.
Manners matter.
But enough etiquette for the day.
Now, Genovia does a lot of trade
with Spain,
- so we prepare for that.
- Sorry.
The quickest way
to a Spanish heart is dance.
Shall we?
What kind of dancing do you do?
Just normal kind, like...
I see.
We have a Genovian alternative.
The dances here are very sedate.
Right from the hips.
No bobbing of the head, please.
It's not a doggy on a dashboard.
Straight, straight, straight up.
Let's practice this here.
This dance is between
a waltz and a tango. You see?
- It's a wango?
- No.
Here we go.
Spin out and spin into me.
- OK.
- No. No, no, no.
Try again.
One more spin, very quickly.
Pull away.
That's it, good. Good attitude.
Spin in.
- Good.
- I did it?
- Yes.
- I spun without hurting anyone.
That's very good news.
Spin, spin. It's done.
Better. It's coming along.
- Now, you may go home.
- Thank you.
See you tomorrow.
Thank you.
You've been wearing black too long.
This is Coach Harbula.
You can sign up now
for the Baker beach party.
Sorry. Sorry... Sorry.
- Mia. Are you ready? Let's go.
- Sorry, I can't do it today.
I've got a grandma thing.
I'll call you, OK? Bye.
What, has your grandma turned into
the big bad wolf?
Cute, Jeremiah,
but a way to a girl's heart
is not by treating her
like a vending machine.
Get off the grass!
- Hi, Adolpho, I'm late.
- She's late.
- You're late.
- I know, I'm really sorry...
- Where is Paolo?
- Send in Paolo.
Always prompt.
- My assistants, Gretchen and Helga.
- Good afternoon.
We're so pleased
you could make yourself available.
Your Majesty.
We won't waste time,
let the work begin.
Of course.
Where is the beautiful girl?
My granddaughter, Amelia.
She is gorgeous.
Let us take a closer look.
We have a limited number of days
before the state dinner.
Frizzy, busy, dizzy...
in the best sense.
I would like your ladies to sign
our confidentiality agreement.
Majesty, they know what is a secret.
Excuse me, the Genovian press secretary
is waiting for your call.
Yes, of course.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave,
come back and be surprised.
Charlotte, watch him like a hawk.
So we begin, Principessa.
In Paolo's hands, remember,
you will be beautiful.
You have thick hair.
Like a wolf.
Is all right.
Do you wear contact lenses?
I have them,
but I don't like to wear them.
Now you do.
- You broke my glasses.
- You broke my brush.
Gretchen! Helga!
I love your eyebrows.
We'll call them Frida and Kahlo.
If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx,
their child would have your eyebrows.
You want to know a big secret?
- Tell me.
- The cucumber does nothing.
This is something we make up.
Majesty, Paolo is exhausted.
Only Paolo can take this and this,
- and give you...
- A princess.
Better. Much better.
Why don't we go and have
a wonderful cup of tea?
Come, Mia.
- Lilly, the car is here.
- I'm coming.
Thanks for the ride.
He)'-
What?
Michael, don't always think
you can get a ride with us...
Who destroyed you?
You think it looks that bad?
You look ridiculous, you should sue.
I know it's a little
straighter and shorter.
- Weirder.
- An attractive weirder.
- It's not attractive.
- Seatbelts.
What I can't understand,
you ditched me again when I needed help
on the Greenpeace petition.
This bag.
You have one of these bags?
We could hock that and feed
a whole third world country.
- Am I right?
- No.
If there are no more passengers,
we should close the door.
You used to care more about what was
inside your head instead of on it.
Come on, Mia. Fess up.
I don't know where you are these days,
and now you're an A-Crowd wannabe?
You're morphing into one of them.
Who knows, next week you could be
waving pompoms in my face.
You sold out.
Was my mirror fogging up or was
someone tearing back there?
- I'm fine.
- I'll go meet your grandmother.
You should know that no one can make
you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that.
Yes. Another special lady,
like yourself.
- I'll be back at 3 o'clock.
- Thank you.
She has a hat.
Do you really think wearing that hat
is gonna keep people from seeing
your new Lana-do?
Just because the student population
might be morally bankrupt
- doesn't mean they're blind.
- Lily! Just stop it, OK?
Just because your hair sucks,
get off mine.
Ouch, thank you.
Can you please pretend you have a life
for just one moment?
Hey. Relax. Breathe.
- What did you just say to me?
- You heard me.
I am so sick of you
ragging on me all the time
and always telling me what to do.
I get enough of that
from my mother and now my grandmother.
I don't need it from you.
I'm not an idiot. I know something's
going on you're not telling me.
Friends tell. So, you know what?
Here is your friendship charm.
I'm taking it off
and it's going in the dirt.
Don't do that. OK? Just...
- All right, just... Wait.
- Why?
I will tell you the truth, but you're
gonna think it's stupid and freak.
Try me.
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
- Is that all you can say?
- I'm sorry I was harsh.
I don't know what else there is to say.
Will you come on my cable show?
I can't, this is a royal secret.
You can't tell anyone, not even Michael.
You are sworn to secrecy.
Secret handshake.
We might have to think
of a new secret handshake.
Are you sure you can run a country?
You barely keep your goldfish alive
for a couple of days.
I'm not sure of anything right now.
There are pros and cons
to being a princess.
Don't say that word, people can hear.
Class has begun.
I have a little surprise for you.
Pop quiz, French Revolution.
Mr. O'Connell.
There's a school rule that says
no hats in class.
I don't think anybody should be
an exception to that rule, do you?
No, Lana. Mia, I'm sorry,
hats are against the dress code.
What?
- Look who's trying to fit in now.
- It's a wig, right?
I think it looks really sweet.
Looks like she got a head transplant.
Well, I think it rocks,
and you know what?
Voltaire, hair.
I would personally
like to learn about Voltaire.
OK, Lilly.
Everybody settle down now.
Quiz time.
The roses are lovely,
but now we need fountains,
lights in the trees.
The Japanese Embassy has a waterfall,
why can't we have fountains?
- We have a fountain up there.
- I would like at least two in here.
- Just make me an Eden.
- Yes, ma'am.
Amelia, let's continue.
In your spare time,
I would like you to read these.
"What's in a name?
That which we call a rose by
any other word would smell as sweet."
And so, you wave to them
and acknowledge them gracefully.
Not quite so big,
it's very exhausting after awhile.
Very funny, dear. Try it properly.
Waving, even more gently.
You sort of say,
thank you for being here today.
- Thank you.
- Thank you for being here.
I'm sorry, ma'am. I must pick up
the Prime Minister. Excuse me.
Thank you for being here today.
So, this is considered art.
My parents did this in the '60s.
They had an exhibition at Woodstock.
I guess you're trying to bring it back?
This beats homework.
Some moms help their kids
with homework, you do this.
Nice shot.
I like it.
Bull's-eye.
This is more fun than princess lessons.
What're you doing Saturday night?
Are you guys playing?
Rehearsing some new things.
We got two new songs.
Oh yeah?
Plus, surprise,
we got the new parts for your 'stang.
We could put it together, together.
- Is this like a date?
- No.
- Music, cars...
- Would it include pizza?
Of course, pizza's a given.
- With M&M's?
- Wait up! Wait up for me.
Not you, I don't even know you.
- I am in
- Great.
- Saturday, it's on.
- Yeah, great. Hi.
Hey, Lill. What's up?
- What's happening over there?
- I don't know.
- What's going on?
- Maybe it's a protest.
Excuse me. Who are you waiting for?
There she is.
That's Mia Thermopolis.
- We're waiting for you.
- Right here, Princess.
- Did you tell?
- I didn't say anything.
Princess Mia,
who is your favorite actor?
Why are they calling her princess?
- What do you do about pimples?
- Let's just go.
Come on, Mia.
Let's get inside.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
The phone's ringing off the hook.
What?
Mia, your mother's on her way.
The Queen is coming.
To Grove High School.
- A limo with flags.
- The Genovian limousine has arrived.
The Queen is getting out.
Why all the secrets?
All we keep hearing is "no comment."
Do you have a comment?
Are you taking the Princess home?
Mom, I don't know who told on me.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
Here's your tea, your Majesty.
I'm sorry we don't have finer china.
- It's perfectly all right.
- Here.
Joseph.
- Speak.
- Paolo?
Majesty. It was I who told the press.
I outed you, so to speak.
I don't mean to imply...
But not for money.
Paolo hates money, he spits on money.
There was no money.
Well, there was some money.
A man like me. Each ring is...
The point is it was pride and ego
that drove me to know
that royalty would see one day
the beauty was mine,
the hair was mine.
That I, Paolo Puttanesca,
was responsible...
By the way, your hair, magnificent.
Next time we go lighter.
- Would you like to say anything?
- Isn't that just awful?
Doesn't anyone
respect royalty any more?
What is it like in Genovia,
Your Majesty?
Do people just fawn over you?
I wonder, would you give us
a moment alone?
- I'm the vice principal.
- Would you take this fine educator,
and show her your security plans
for Amelia's safety?
What?
Yes, of course.
- Your security system is a bit lax.
- Is it?
A week ago,
Mia was a normal kid.
She has never been normal,
she was born royal.
We cope with the press every single day,
and we will do it again.
You don't have to do this.
You can get out of
this whole thing right now.
Your mother is right.
We had a bargain.
All right. I will think about it
and let you know soon.
Good. A diplomatic answer.
Polite but vague.
Mia is the daughter of local
eclectic artist, Helen Thermopolis.
They currently live in a refurbished
firehouse south of Market Street.
Mia is also the only grandchild
of Queen Clarisse Renaldi.
Whose husband, King Rupert,
passed away last year.
This is Nelson Davenport, KRLH.
Will the Feng Shui Club please stop
rearranging the tables on the lawn.
Hello, princess!
You're the most popular girl in school,
everybody wants to take your picture,
and be your best friend.
- Hi, Lilly.
- Hi. So you know what?
I've made a list of all the reasons
for you not to be a princess.
Number one, no privacy.
Number two, you always
have to look just right.
Number three...
Are you OK?
What was number three?
You can't go nutso.
You can't be all... during the day.
Lilly, Lilly.
I really don't want to talk
about this at the moment.
- OK?
- OK.
One last question.
Now that you're "out,"
would you come on my cable show
Saturday night?
- Yeah, sure.
- I love you.
I'm going to buy you another charm
for your charm bracelet. OK? OK.
See you Saturday night.
Joe!
Yes, Miss Mia.
I don't want to run my own country.
I just want to pass tenth grade.
So... can't I tell everyone
I simply quit?
No one can quit being who they are,
not even a princess.
You can refuse the job,
but you are a princess by birth.
How can I tell if I can even do the job?
By simply trying-
Like the fancy dinner coming up.
She thinks you're ready.
Really?
Shall we practice entering
like a princess?
Entering.
At the Grand Ball,
you enter with the Queen,
but at the State Dinner,
you enter unaccompanied.
Shoulders back...
...smile.
They're all happy to see you
- There she is.
- How is she?
You are much prettier.
Well done, the worst is over.
Our diligent Prime Minister,
Sebastian Motaz.
- Hello.
- His lovely wife, Sheila.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hello.
Their charming daughter, Marissa.
Lord Fricker,
let me take your brandy glass.
You won't need it in there.
Easy on the schnapps,
remember the Winter Dinner.
I'm not allowed to go to the party.
Dinner is served.
Her Majesty, Queen Clarisse.
Someday we will own Genovia again
and you will be Queen.
And your face
will be on a postage stamp.
- How are the children, Robby?
- Would you like to see them, ma'am?
There's Ryan and there's Bridget.
They're beautiful.
Would you like to see?
Mr. Prime Minister, how would you say
the pear market is doing in Genovia?
The Genovian pear market is blossoming,
if you'll pardon the pun.
I hear they're serving
filet on the bone.
And that's their princess.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
- You wanted to see me?
- Is everything all right?
- Yes.
- What happened with the ice bucket?
- I had a clumsy moment.
- OK.
The food's delicious, by the way.
It was for a feminist group in Scotland
called Tarts for Tartan.
- They were a wild bunch.
- Very exciting.
Thank you.
Between the courses
to cleanse the palate.
I'm fine. It's cold!
- She didn't realize it was frozen.
- What should we do?
We should take that much, too.
Just do the same thing.
They are acting like monkeys.
Have you ever experienced
that instant headache
when you eat ice too quickly?
No.
Wash your hands.
- I'm really sorry.
- It happens all the time.
I would like to propose a toast,
to the Baroness and Baron von Troken.
May you always be Baron.
The famous Genovian
pear and cheese dessert.
What else?
You are nothing
but an overdressed, drunken...
I'm outta here.
I am sopping
Was that my fault?
Shall we adjourn
to the Grand Ball for coffee?
Sorry I let you down, Dad.
Good night, Louie.
This place was such a mess
when I first arrived.
I've been spending every
spare moment in it I can.
Pick up one of these.
Make yourself useful. Spray everything.
- You're not mad for what happened?
- Actually, I found it rather funny.
Reminds me of my first
royal dinner party.
I knocked over a suit of armor
and the spear went right through
the suckling pig.
Amelia, why don't we cancel lessons
for today and just have some fun.
Fun? You're not too busy
for something like that?
Lady Jerome has just arrived,
and the French Consulate's assistant
is on hold.
He wants to confirm tonight's dinner.
Send my apologies.
Cancel everything today.
I'm being shown San Francisco
by a true San Franciscan.
Tell Joseph I'll need the car.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Wait.
I want to show you my baby.
I haven't sat in the front seat
of a car in the longest time.
By the way,
thanks for the money for my car.
So where are you taking me?
- Well, do you have any change?
- No.
It's not appropriate
for royalty to jingle.
OK, I'll get the change.
This one's my favorite.
You put a quarter in and grab his hand.
- I touch that?
- Yeah, you touch that.
And then you press the button...
...then you just go.
- All right.
Looks like Rupert's cousin
from Liechtenstein.
- How do I know it's ready?
- It'll just go.
There you go. It's going.
It's going!
Go, go!
You enjoy this humiliation?
It's hard the first time, do it again.
Hold this.
Come on, you can do it.
I'm ready for you this time.
Go. It's going, it's going.
Go, go, go.
Go, you're doing good.
Yes! You got it. Gimme five.
- Five?
- Five.
I want one of these.
Just not this one.
Did my father always
want to be a prince?
Yes.
Except once about 15 years ago.
He seriously considered
renouncing his title.
Because he met a lovely artist
who showed him wonderful things
about how life could be,
how he could be.
But?
But he had a decision to make.
Nobody could make it for him.
Not I, though many people thought I did,
or anybody else.
Philippe knew that my first born,
his brother Pierre, wanted to abdicate
which he did, eventually,
to join the church.
Your father realized that the love
he could have for one person,
or even two,
could not make him forget the love
he felt for his country and its people.
It was the hardest thing
he ever had to do.
- Do you want a bite of this?
- Why not?
Here goes.
- Why, it's delicious.
- Really?
Then, let's get another one.
I know it's the fastest way back
to the consulate, but I hate this hill.
I do believe I'm beginning
to feel that corn dog.
Maybe you could sneak gently through.
- OK, I'll try.
- Good.
- Now blaze on up.
- I got it.
- Yes, you've got it.
- I got it.
You've got it.
I haven't got it.
Mia... Mia, brake!
Look out!
Down here!
911, I need to report an accident.
Didn't you hear the bell?
- They put me on hold.
- For the love of God.
Put down
destruction of public property.
I will and last, but not least,
driving without a license.
Accompanied by an adult
whose license expired 45 years ago.
I've been trying to tell you, officer.
Licenses don't expire in Genovia.
Not for the Queen.
Don't I have diplomatic immunity?
You do, but her
we have to take downtown.
What?
- I'm sorry, miss.
- It's all right, I understand.
- I understand perfectly.
- You do?
No town, no city, no country
can function peacefully
if it's officers
and transportation engineers
don't follow the letter of the law.
I would be proud to have
two such fine, honorable gentlemen
serving in Genovia.
- Shucks, ma'am.
- We're not all that.
You most certainly are.
As a matter of fact,
I would like to bestow upon you
the honor of the...
...Genovian Order of the...
Genovian Order of the Rose.
Won't you please kneel?
Does anybody have a saber?
I've got an umbrella.
- I have an emergency brake.
- This will do fine.
With the power vested in me
by the royal crown of Genovia,
- I dub thee...
- Artie Washington, San Francisco.
Arthur Washington,
and I dub thee...
Bruce Macintosh of San Leandro.
Bruce Macintosh,
masters of the Order of the Rose.
And all of you bear witness to this
auspicious moment in history.
- Please rise.
- Wait'll I go home and tell Bernice.
Now, Mia, I know you don't want to go
all the way downtown, but...
That won't really be necessary.
No one got hurt, did they?
- We're insured.
- Chivalry ain't dead, you know.
- Noble Arthur, how very kind.
- Do you need a lift home?
That would be very helpful.
Come along, Mia.
- Good-bye, trolley people.
- Please take the car to Doctor Motors.
Goodbye.
You were awesome.
You are the coolest queen ever.
All in a day's work.
Wave good-bye, that's a queen.
- Would you like to slide in first?
- I never slide.
Thank you.
Bruce, how 'bout getting on your royal
carriage and getting us out of here?
Here she is. This is the possible
new Princess of Genovia.
That's right, Genovia.
Anyone know where Genovia is?
A country between France and Spain.
That was a question on Jeopardy.
This girl won the genetic lottery.
Back up, let's go, the Princess
is late for school.
- Could you sign my backpack?
- Hi, Princess.
- Can I have your autograph, please?
- What's your name?
- Lilly.
- That's my best friend's name.
Would you consider you
and the princess best friends?
I would say that.
We do everything together.
We shop, get our hair done,
even finish each other's sentences.
It's very cool.
- What's your name?
- Charlotte.
- You two must be twins.
- Yes.
I don't have any sisters,
but I do have a cat, Fat Louie.
- That's a funny name.
- Will you take a picture with me?
- The Princess is late for algebra.
- Thank you so much.
The pack is back.
Are you ready?
Mia.
Hi.
Step into my office.
Hi.
So I hope what Lana said on TV
didn't freak you out too much.
- No.
- Good.
Because I broke up with her
because of it.
I hate phony publicity seekers.
Anyway...
Saturday night's the big beach party.
I think it'd be cool
if we went together.
See ya on the waves.
Bye.
Attention.
Remember to watch Grove High School's
TV cable show Saturday night,
with our host, Lilly Moscovitz.
- Michael.
- Princess.
You will never guess what
Josh Bryant just asked me
Can I borrow a comb?
No.
He asked me to go to
the Baker beach party with him.
That's this Saturday, right?
I was thinking
I could come by next week
and listen to your band play then.
- All right?
- Yeah. That's... yeah.
You OK?
- I'm fine.
- I have to go, but thank you so much.
- Joseph driving you?
- No. He took the night off.
I'm gonna take the bus
with the other kids.
- I look like an asparagus.
- But a very cute asparagus.
Don't worry,
I'm just gonna wear my blue suit.
Are you nervous about the beach party?
No, actually I'm kind of excited.
I think I might get my first real kiss.
Who from?
Josh Bryant.
That Backstreet Boy clone
you've had a crush on forever?
He is not a Backstreet Boy clone,
he's a sailor.
I thought he was never nice to you.
Well...
I don't know, he is now.
I just hope that if he kisses me,
my foot pops.
- Pops?
- Yeah.
You know, in old films, whenever a girl
gets seriously kissed,
her foot would just kind of pop.
OK, I'm gonna go change now.
I hope you get your first real
foot-popping kiss.
We are Mark and Brian and
welcome to the Baker Beach Bash.
With one week left of school,
you'll be out for the summer
and we know what's on your mind,
how to find that summer love?
If you do, how do you know if it's true?
Here to tell us all about it,
please welcome Lana and the Lanettes.
Lana, Anna and Fontana.
- That is so amazing.
- Awesome.
I'm glad you had fun.
I thought you'd get soared.
- Most girls I take freak out.
- I wasn't scared.
And now it's time again
for your favorite talk show host,
direct from Grove High School,
the lovely Lilly.
It's Saturday night,
and welcome to my cable show,
Shut Up and Listen.
Later on in my show I will be joined
by our very own Princess Mia,
to discuss her positive opinion
of the Save the Sea Otter Movement.
Until she arrives,
I've asked Grove's magic master,
Jeremiah Hart, to entertain us
with some sleight of hand.
Hello, folks.
Awesome.
Hey, Princess, give us a smile.
How did they find me here?
- What?
- How did they find me here?
Wave everybody, you're on TV.
Wait, Princess.
Don't be shy. Come back.
Chopper boy, look over here. Royal DJ's.
- I am so sorry about all of this.
- No, it's fine.
It's fine.
They can't get us in here.
We were having such a good time
and they came and ruined it.
I know.
They can't see us, we can't see them.
We're all alone in this little shack.
Actually, it's kinda cozy in here.
There's no one I'd rather
be here with than you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Josh.
- This isn't romantic.
- You're right.
My foot is caught
in a volleyball net and I...
- Hey! My dad thinks I'm a princess.
- I'm a friend of Mia's.
While we're waiting,
how about a foot massage?
That would be so wonderful, thank you.
Actually, I mean you give me one.
And, indeed, it is the queen of hearts.
Thank you, Jeremiah,
for your potpourri of prestidigitations
for the past hour.
Obviously, Princess Mia has a problem
appearing here tonight.
And I'm sure she has a good excuse.
I'm Lilly Moscovitz
for Shut Up and Listen.
Thank you and good night.
- Mia. The coast is clear.
- Really?
- They're gone.
- Good.
What do you say we go find
a more romantic spot?
Quiet.
No, stay.
- Give her a smooch.
- Give her a big, sloppy wet one.
Hit him again.
Go away. Get off.
Go away and leave me alone.
The Princess has left the building.
- What's your name?
- Where do you go to school?
Josh Bryant.
I go to Grove High School.
- What, are we friends with Mia now?
- Yes, we hate Josh.
Sorry, it's hard to keep up
with who we're not talking to.
- Here she comes.
- Mia, Mia...
I'm sorry, I can't talk.
I've got to get my clothes.
We've got your clothes.
You'll be a lot warmer.
- You guys want to help me?
- Yeah, Josh is such an idiot.
We'll make sure no one bothers you.
Thank you, that's really nice of you.
That's so great of you.
Thank you so much.
- Everything's fine.
- Is anybody coming?
No.
I really appreciate this.
She's got her bathing suit off.
Now.
That was the scream of Princess Mia.
Go away. All of you, please!
Come here, Mia.
Piranhas, all of you. Back off!
My mom always told me
I couldn't cry and to be a big girl.
You've been hurt, so you just cry.
It was really bad.
My foot didn't even pop.
It was just last night
that San Francisco's own little princess
partied at the beach.
But what started out as innocent fun,
soon turned into
allegedly too much fun.
This is Suki Sanchez for KPFW.
- Please say something.
- There's not much to say.
A picture's worth a thousand words.
And you have two pictures.
I really embarrassed the family,
didn't I?
Not to put too fine a point on it,
yes, you did.
I think you're making a wise decision
to abstain from the job.
I suppose I won't come
to the ball, then.
Of course you should come.
You're still family.
Just because you don't want to be
princess, doesn't mean you're in exile.
Your mother's planning to come.
All your guests are invited.
Except for your beach friends.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm meeting with the press in an hour
to do damage control.
You can come in now.
If I may say so,
that did not go very well.
Is this the way a princess should act?
My information tells me
that boy was using her.
The kiss was merely a device
so he'd get his 15 minutes of fame.
Her friends didn't help, either.
Anna, Falana, Banana, Bandana...
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Why didn't she have enough
common sense to deal with this?
She's only 15.
Today she acted beyond her years.
She showed great respect
and gracefully accepted your criticism.
You're saying that as a queen,
I was too harsh on her.
I was critical of the person who could
become the next ruler of my country.
I'm saying as a grandmother,
you might have been too harsh
on your granddaughter.
- Do you think she can do it?
- I have no doubts.
I thought so, too.
It's Mia Thermopo-lips.
Can you autograph
your picture for me? Josh did.
There's Princess Pucker Up.
Lilly?
Can I talk to you for a minute, please?
Can I just talk to you for a minute?
- Is that cool?
- Sure, let's talk.
About what?
How you broke my brother's heart?
How you stuck me with Jeremiah
during my show, doing pick a card?
I'm sorry. I forgot to call you
and tell you I couldn't make it.
So, I was stuck with Happy Houdini
while you're making out
with the yachting yahoo.
- Those are really good alliterations.
- I don't want to talk alliterations.
I came up here to tell you I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I missed your cable show,
and I'm just really sorry.
I can't believe you hung me up,
after all I did for you.
I kept your royal secret.
You know how hard it is
to have a show and keep a secret?
You didn't keep it a secret
how jerky you thought
my being a princess was.
Congratulations, you got your wish.
I'm not gonna be a princess.
- You're not?
- No.
But I want you to be.
What?
I didn't mean it.
The green monster of jealousy came out
because you were Miss Popular and
I thought I was losing my best friend,
so I got angry, upset and hurt.
I told you,
I need an attitude adjustment.
But the truth is, you being
a princess is kind of a miracle.
What miracle? It's a nightmare.
No. Think about it.
I just found out that my cable show
only reaches 12 people.
Wanting to rock the world but having
zip power like me, that's a nightmare.
But you, wow.
What is so wow?
Wow is having the power
to affect change.
Make people listen.
How many teenagers have that power?
What more of a miracle do you want?
We'll just have to
find a different miracle,
not more, just different.
Listen, tomorrow night is the
Genovian Independence Day Ball.
To make up for missing your cable show,
I'm inviting you.
I hope you'll forgive me.
And I hope you come.
What will I wear?
I don't know,
but it doesn't really matter.
- I'm just happy you're going to come.
- Thanks.
- And you can be a princess.
- No, I can't.
- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.
- Move it in, let's go.
- Bobby Bad, hang up the phone.
Yes, Mom. I'll go
to the dentist after school.
I hate it when they move in like that.
It's not a championship game,
it's just gym class.
Just hit the ball.
I don't want to flunk you.
Come on, you can do it.
Keep your eye on the ball.
That's all right, that's OK
You're gonna hit it anyway
Go, Lions.
Come on. It's a ball, not a snake.
Back in formation.
Sorry.
Foul ball. It's all right.
It's OK, just focus.
Focus.
Come on, remember it's only a game.
Eye on the ball.
Would you rather hit a beach ball?
Order me a pizza, pepperoni.
Run, Mia!
I gotta go. Get up!
What are you doing?
All the way, Mia.
Hi, Josh.
Come on, girl.
Safe, and you passed.
Nice job. Way to go.
It's open, come on in.
Michael, how are you?
What?
Did Lilly tell you that I called?
Because I called.
- I brought your oar.
- Thank you.
Seven times I called.
If you have any problems,
Doc said to call.
OK.
Do you want the check now?
I have the last payment.
Yeah. Thank you.
Are you hungry or thirsty?
- No.
- Here it is.
Thank you for doing this for me.
It's really great of you.
I didn't do it for you.
Doc lets my band practice.
- Right.
- I help with the cars.
- Here.
- Thanks.
I know you're still mad at me
for blowing you off,
and I'm really sorry I did.
I'm going to try to make it up to you.
HOW?
I'm still going to the
Genovian Independence Day Ball
and I'm inviting you.
It could be fun.
I'm wearing this great dress
I can't breathe in.
- Lilly's got a date.
- Josh looks better in a tux.
But see, it's...
I really want you
to be the one I share it with.
You don't have to wear a tux.
You can wear sweatpants for all I care.
Don't worry about me.
I just consider myself royally flushed.
Stop the bovine massacre.
Sign up now and save a cow.
Vegetarians have rights.
Make Grove School more tofu friendly.
Go sit by Jeremiah,
I'll be there in a minute.
She's wearing that dorky hat again.
- You want to see a trick?
- Not right now.
What are you doing?
Are you writing a story or...
My portfolio's increased by 30 percent
since last quarter...
Look what we have,
the perfect nerd couple.
Jeremiah and Mia.
Miah and Mia.
Listen, my friends and I were wondering
was the sweater designed for you, or
did the knitting machine just blow up?
Sunglasses, girls.
It's Jeremiah hair glare.
Is one of your magic tricks your hair?
Lana.
That is such a cute cheerleading outfit,
it's so clean cut.
- I bet it goes with anything.
- Of course it does...
You're such a freak.
Yeah, I am, but someday
I might grow out of that.
But you will never stop being a jerk.
- Lana got coned.
- Lana got coned.
- Lana got coned!
- Mia!
Toodles.
Mrs. Gupta, did you see
what she did to me?
No, honey, I'm sorry.
I was in a very important meeting.
Send it out for dry cleaning.
It's a present for your 16th birthday,
from your father.
It was found among his possessions.
- My birthday's not for two weeks.
- I know.
I wanted you to have it before we leave.
I return to Genovia
the day after tomorrow.
Thank you.
It's locked.
If you open the locket I gave you,
it becomes the key.
Thank you for bringing it down here.
I also came to apologize
for the way I spoke to you
about the beach incident.
It was judgmental of me.
I didn't pause to verify the facts.
That's all right.
I've been thinking about it
a great deal.
The truth is, I think you'd make
a very fine princess.
People think princesses
are supposed to wear tiaras,
marry the prince, always look pretty
and live happily ever after.
It's so much more than that.
It's a real job.
You are an extraordinary person,
Grandma.
But I don't think
I'm meant to do this.
I would be so afraid that I would
disappoint the people of Genovia,
and I couldn't bear
to disappoint you again.
Well, as I said, I have faith in you.
I'm a writer.
I write soaps, soap opera.
- Ever see Middle House Road?
- No.
Big hit. I wrote a character
just like you once, he was a spy.
- I'm not a spy.
- That's what the character said.
I'll see you tonight, then.
I do have one favor to ask.
I need you to formally renounce
your title for the press.
At the ball.
Make a speech.
Do you think, maybe,
considering my history with the press,
it would be better if you did it?
You wouldn't stop driving your Mustang
just because a couple of insects
hit the windshield, would you?
Look how far you've come.
I'll be right there with you.
- I'll have Joseph pick you up at...
- No.
I promised I'd let my mom drive me.
She wants to drive me to my first ball
or something.
All right. I'll see you there, then.
Grandma?
I am sorry.
Oh, my dear.
You are first and foremost,
my granddaughter.
Please don't be late.
Thank you, dad,
but I can't be a princess.
I don't make speeches
and I'm not Clarisse Renaldi.
And I just... I can't do it.
I'm scared.
- Joseph.
- Charlotte, Miss Kawa.
Pardon me, I have to go
get the band ready.
Should you be going
to get Princess Mia?
Mia told Clarisse her mother
would bring her.
Helen just arrived and said
Mia was waiting for you.
She's going to run.
Come on, Fat Louie, time to pack.
Let's get your things.
Louie?
What have you got there?
Come on. We're going on a trip.
We're going to Colorado
where we can climb some real rocks.
We are so out of here.
My dearest daughter,
today is your 16th birthday,
congratulations.
I present you with this diary to fill
the pages with your special thoughts
Special thoughts of your wonderful life.
It is a custom in my family
to pass on a piece of wisdom
when one reaches this age.
I pass it on to you, as my father
passed it on to me.
Courage is not the absence of fear,
but rather the judgment
that something else
is more important than fear.
The brave may not live forever,
but the cautious do not live at all.
From now on,
you'll be traveling the road
between who you think you are
and who you can be.
The key is to allow yourself
to make the journey.
I also want you to know,
I loved your mother very much
and still think of her often.
Happy birthday, my Mia
All my love, your father.
There's Countess Puck of Austria
as the glamorous continue to arrive
at the Genovian Independence Ball.
Despite threats of rain, the turn out
includes the mayor of San Francisco
and the Genovian pearjuggler.
The future of Genovia is in the hands
of young Mia Thermopolis.
Her decision tonight
will affect the queen, the court,
and all the people
of this small, but proud, country.
- Do you think it's going to rain on us?
- It never comes down on Willie Brown.
- Thank you.
- Umbrellas up.
And that's enough pearjuggling.
The trip is off, Louie.
Perfect.
Come on.
Genovians are famous for their
impeccable taste in art.
Also for their cheese.
Maybe it's string cheese.
Don't do this, baby.
Gotcha.
Sorry, Mr. Robutusen.
Here you go.
It's already paid for.
- I didn't order pizza.
- You must've.
Unless there's another
Michael Moscovitz here.
We get a call, we deliver,
that's our motto.
You don't make the pizza?
I just deliver them.
Press passes, thank you.
- Hi, where are you from?
- Teen Scene Magazine.
Good.
The Queen has entered.
Do we have any news
on the von Troken matter?
- It will be decided tonight, ma'am.
- I'm afraid so.
- Where is she?
- She went somewhere. I know nothing.
- Come here.
- What?
Talk to me.
She went that way, then that way,
two minutes ago.
Thank you very much.
- Do we have any problems?
- Everything's perfect.
It's wonderful.
You're not very good at lying.
No, I'm not, Your Majesty.
- The garden looks beautiful.
- Thank you.
Come on, baby, you can make it.
Yes, come on. No.
Baby, please. Come on.
There's no answer
at Princess Mia's house.
I couldn't get Joseph on the cell phone,
too much static from the storm.
The press are starting to complain
about making their deadlines.
If she's not here in ten minutes,
I'll make the announcement.
- Yes, ma'am.
- It's OK. She'll be fine.
She's gonna get here.
Is this punishment for driving
without a licensed driver
in the front seat?
I am invisible and I am wet.
The press is wondering if it would be
possible while we're waiting...
No interviews until later
in the evening.
We're meeting
Baroness and Baron von Troken.
Is it true if the teenager
refuses the princesship,
your family will take over Genovia?
They must have a legitimate Renaldi
blood relative or we rule.
No, ma'am.
Then it's time.
You wouldn't happen to be
running away, would you?
What? Dressed like this?
No, I'm going to a ball.
Good. Get in.
Her Majesty, the Queen.
My fellow Genovians
and honored guests.
Good evening.
I apologize for the delay...
Hello. May I say...
Welcome to our grand
Genovian Independence Day Ball.
- There's no time to change.
- You look fine.
Pretty and fine. No running.
Here you go. It's nice.
Thank you so much
for your patience.
I have an announcement to make.
My granddaughter...
- She's here.
- I see.
I would like to announce that
my granddaughter has arrived.
With a fascinating explanation
as to her wardrobe, I'm sure.
She's styling a wet,
sort of grunge-look hairdo,
and is wearing a sweatshirt,
jeans and Docs.
Would you care to say a few words?
Yes.
Why didn't we dress like her?
We look like idiots.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Think they're trying to
save money on the gown?
Hello, I'm Mia.
It stopped raining.
Get your tiara ready.
I'm really no good at speech making.
Normally, I get so nervous that I faint
or run away or even get sick.
But you really didn't need to know that.
I'm not so afraid any more.
My father helped me.
Earlier this evening,
I had every intention of
giving up my claim to the throne.
My mother helped me
by telling me it was OK
and by supporting me,
like she has for my entire life.
But then I wondered how I'd feel
after abdicating my role
as Princess of Genovia.
Would I feel relieved,
would I feel sad?
Then I realized
how many stupid times a day
I use the word
In fact, probably all I ever do
is think about myself.
How lame is that when there are seven
billion other people on the planet.
Sorry, I'm going too fast.
But then I thought...
If I cared about the other seven billion
out there, instead of just me,
that's probably
a much better use of my time.
If I were Princess of Genovia,
then my thoughts and those
of people smarter than me
would be much better heard
and just maybe,
those thoughts could be
turned into actions.
This morning when I woke up,
I was Mia Thermopolis.
But now...
...I choose to be, forevermore...
...Amelia Mignonette
Thermopolis Renaldi,
Princess of Genovia.
I hope you didn't order
your stationary yet.
This was my very first tiara.
I was rather fond of it.
I'm hoping you will be, too.
Grandma, but you had it all ready.
How'd you know I'd be here?
I recognize the same spirit in you
as someone else I know.
Who?
Me.
You made it.
You bet your life,
you big, tall stringbean.
Here. Paolo here to save the day.
Her Majesty, Queen Clarisse,
and her Royal Highness,
Amelia, Princess of Genovia.
Perhaps we'd better
get you dried off now.
Thank you.
No longer does Mia
stand for missing in action,
Genovia has a new princess.
They had the same idea I had,
but now the garden is occupado.
Why me?
Because you saw me
when I was invisible.
Just because I'm royal
doesn't mean I'm different.
I'm still the same person.
I'll have to live in Genovia a bit,
but I'm still gonna go to school, and...
Dear Diary,
today is my first official day
as Princess of Genovia.
We'll land in a few hours and
I'll meet the Parliament and people
before beginning my royal duties.
Mom is, of course, moving with me
and will continue painting
without the balloons.
Lilly and Michael are planning
to spend their summer vacation
at our, can you believe it, palace.
They're even having
my Mustang brought over,
which I can legally drive in two weeks.
Grandma's so glad to be going home.
And Joseph...
...is watching nearby, as usual.
Everybody's got pre-coronation jitters,
including me.
Everybody except Fat Louie,
he's totally adapted to being a royal.
I guess he was one all along.
Princess, look out the window...
...and welcome to Genovia.