Private Life (2018) Movie Script

Scoot over.
All right.
You ready?
All right, wait...
Just keep breathing, okay?
- You breathing?
- Yes, just go!
All right. One...
- three. What?
- Fuck!
- Oh, my God, Richard!
- Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- It really fucking hurts.
- I'm sorry. Okay.
- Oh, God!
- Almost done, almost done.
Almost done.
I think you hit a nerve.
I'm sorry, sweetheart. I did exactly
what the nurse told me to do.
Wasn't it supposed be
more like right here?
No, it's the upper-outer quadrant.
Then why did it hurt like that?
None of the message boards said
it was gonna hurt like that.
I-I don't know, Rach.
It's a bigger needle. Maybe you have
a lower pain threshold than most people.
I don't know.
I am not a doctor, remember?
Are you mad at me?
I'm not mad, I'm just...
Whatever. I don't know.
These are your consent forms.
Both partners' signatures are required
on the second page.
This is our policy regarding
embryo storage,
these schedules on the back.
You both need to initial each paragraph,
- then sign here.
- Very good. Thank you.
- And this is for you.
- Oh. This-
- Instructions are inside.
- Good.
- Ah, there you are.
- Hey! What's wrong?
it's just fucking freezing in here.
Just... relax. Don't obsess, all right?
I'm not obsessing. I'm cold.
Okay. You need to sign these.
Oh, my God, what are we doing?
- Are we really doing this? Are we insane?
- No, we're not insane. We're normal.
This is not normal.
This is the opposite of normal.
I'm not sure it's even ethical.
- Remember what Marty said?
- Ugh.
"Having a baby is an immoral act."
Marty's an idiot.
"Overpopulation, climate change...
rise of neo-fascism."
- Did you take your Valium?
- Yes, why?
Ms. Biegler?
- One sec. Okay.
- Okay.
Okay, I guess we're really doing this.
- Don't be scared, okay?
- Okay.
You're gonna do great.
All we need is one good egg.
Okay. You, too.
Don't be scared, you're gonna do great.
- Okay, I love you.
- I love you, too.
Fuck! Oh, my God, your dick feels
so good inside of me!
Ah... Ah!
Ah, yeah, fuck me like a fucking whore!
Fuck me like a whore!
Yeah, I wanna feel the head of your cock
deep inside of me!
Yeah, give it to me!
Fuck! Oh, God!
Yes! Yes!
Fuck! Yes! God!
Fuck, yeah!
I like it when you squeeze my ass!
You like my fucking ass?
Tell me, how does that feel?
Wanna fuck me like a little whore?
Yes? Huh?
My eight-year-old came to work one day
to see what I do.
You know,
"Take Your Daughter To Work Day."
she said I had the most boring job
in the world.
All I do all day...
is put people to sleep.
Excuse me, ma'am?
Where's my husband?
Your birth partner never joined you?
He's my husband.
- Excuse me-
- My birth partner, he's my husband.
Mr. Grim?
Grimes. Yes, Richard Grimes.
You're gonna need to speak
to a doctor. Let me go find someone.
- Is something wrong?
- Just a moment.
Why can't you just tell me?
There wasn't any sperm.
Excuse me?
Your husband didn't have any sperm.
Wait, you mean he couldn't...
do it?
No, he produced,
and there was semen, but no sperm.
Dr. Dordick will have to give you
the details.
Think of it like a soda machine.
Either one of you ever work
in a movie theater?
So, the seltzer comes from one place,
the syrup comes from someplace else,
and, together, they make Mountain Dew,
or Diet Coke, or what have you.
But, if the pipe gets clogged,
you don't get Mountain Dew.
You just get seltzer.
Richard is probably blocked.
Like mentally? Like psychosomatic?
No, not mentally. Physically.
- Like the talk about the soda machine.
- Right, sorry.
Yeah. So, I just got off the phone
with a buddy of mine.
He's a urologist,he's an expert on this.
In fact, he's writing a book about it.
Joel Fisher.
Oh, my God. That is so depressing.
It's not depressing, Rich.
Based on everything we've talked about,
he's convinced you've got sperm in there.
The trick is we gotta get it out.
- Okay.
- Now, there's a procedure for this,
and Joel's definitely the man for the job.
It's called TESE.
Testicular Sperm Extraction.
Oh, my God.
Not as bad as it sounds.
You know he only has one testicle, right?
He needs to know.
Yeah, I realize that.
I only have one testicle.
- Yeah, I saw the note in your file.
- Okay.
I filled Fisher in.
He doesn't anticipate it being a problem.
What he'll do is avoid the vas,
and go right to the source,
doing a testicular biopsy.
- Like for cancer?
- No, Rach, not cancer.
I don't have cancer. I have blocked sperm.
Sorry, he said biopsy.
The thing is, if we do TESE,
then we're gonna have to do ICSI.
It's Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection.
It's an additional expense,
but that actually can't be helped.
The good news is Fisher is available.
Happens to be in the city today.
Bad news is he'll need a check
for $10,000.
I know, it's... short notice.
- Not a problem.
- Ah.
- It's not?
- No.
Okay, well, take a minute.
Talk things over.
When you're ready,
I will give Fisher a call.
Meanwhile, Moira can get you suited up,
and we're off to the races. Yeah, boom!
Richard, we don't have $10,000.
I know. I'm gonna call Charlie.
I thought we weren't gonna tell anybody.
I know, but what are we
supposed to do, Rach?
- My God.
- Eleven of your eggs are sitting in here
and we don't have anything
to inseminate them with.
So if I don't call him, we're screwed.
The cycle will have been a bust,
and we will have blown through a big chunk
of our baby budget for nothing.
That's great, no, that's fine, it's no...
If you're gonna be here within the...
Yeah, okay, good. All right.
I'll see you soon. Bye.
- He's on his way with a check.
- He is?
- Yep!
- Did Cynthia say anything?
What? No, of course not.
- She's so judgmental.
- No, she's not.
Yes, she is.
She was even weird when we were doing IUI.
- They're doing it again?
- No, this is something totally different.
New doctor, very high-tech. It's got...
egg harvesting, hatching...
something called "icksy."
You seen my pants?
I thought they were done with that
and were trying to adopt.
They're still doing that.
But after that thing with that girl,
they're trying
a by-any-means-necessary approach,
- doing both at once.
- Oh, my God.
They're like impulsive gamblers.
Anyway, it's very technical
and it's hard to keep track of,
but there's a problem with Richard's sperm
and he needs to borrow $10,000,
like, now.
You're not gonna give it to him?
- Oh, yeah.
- What?
- Charlie!
- They'll pay me back.
Giving them money is just enabling them!
- To do what?
- To pursue this fantasy of fertility,
when it's pretty clear
that it's consuming them.
They are strung out.
Their marriage is a wreck,
they're always fighting.
They're like fertility junkies!
That's nuts.
Oh, come on.
They've been doing this for years!
They need to stop. They need to move on.
Mom! Sadie's on the phone.
She doesn't sound good.
- My goodness! Hi, honey.
- I really need to get going.
Yeah- I really want you to think about
what you're doing!
Mom, what's going on?
Nothing. It's just,
Charlie is going into the city-
I'm gonna pick up some stuff
at Russ & Daughters. You want salmon?
Hey, Charlotte, do you want salmon?
Do you- Dad is going into Manhattan.
You want Russ & Daughters?
Bialy and an everything bagel.
Bialy and an everything bagel,
and get me a half a pound of wild-
No! Get me a half... quarter pound
of wild nova!
Hi, honey. So sorry about that.
Is everything okay?
Not really.
What's wrong?
Are you smoking?
No, I quit. I told you.
I'm just- I've got a cold and it's-
I'm standing outside and it's freezing.
You sound funny.
I'm not doing well.
Are you failing?
No, not- God, Mom. Not-
Emotionally, not academically.
God, you're so achievement-oriented.
Finishing college at 25 isn't exactly
an achievement, Sadie.
It's damage control.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
- It's what you think.
- No, it's not what I think.
I just want you to find something
that you love doing,
that will, you know,
give your life meaning and purpose.
I found it.
Right. Yes.
And you're so good at it,
but if you want to be a writer writer,
like professional,
you have to be driven and disciplined.
If you're having trouble with that now,
imagine how hard it's gonna be
in real life when you have
to pay rent at the same time.
I'm not failing, Mom! I did good work
at the beginningof this semester
that I'm really proud of. I'm just...
I'm stuck right now,
and I'm not gonna be ready to hand in
my portfolio in writing workshop,
which is like 80 per cent of my grade,
but I've got this great professor
who really believes in me,
and the good news is
she's gonna give me an "incomplete,"
which is really great, because...
I'm just waiting for you to tell me
that in the real world,
there's no such thing as an "incomplete."
Honey, why don't you come home
and we can talk about this in person?
- I can't come home, Mom.
- Why not?
Because... I wanna be in the city.
Oh, my God, Sadie.
How are you gonna do that?
I'll work, I'll waitress. It's not gonna
cost you a penny, I promise.
Uncle Richard and Aunt Rachel said I could
stay at their place anytime-
Richard and Rachel have a lot
on their plate.
They're not in any position to take care
of anyone but themselves right now.
Say goodnight to everyone.
Say goodnight!
- Goodnight!
- Goodnight!
On Monday and Thursday,
they clean the north side of the street.
On Tuesday and Friday,
they clean the south side of the street.
On the weekends, they don't do anything.
I don't see what the problem is
about alternate-side parking.
I mean, people get so, like,
"What are you gonna do with the car?"
It's all just party people drinking
themselves sick on the weekends.
- For real?
- Yes.
I can barely walk the dogs at night.
Oh, man.
I just don't wanna find myself at 50
in someblock association meeting
trying to prevent the opening
of a new bar.
we're not turning 50 on East 6th Street.
I'm 47.
When's your book coming out?
- April.
- Oh, that's exciting!
I haven't written jack-shit
since Talia was born.
Okay, you've got to try this,
I'm obsessed.
- I drank it all summer.
- Oh... No, thank you.
Really? It's Prosecco.
Not a Prosecco person?
No, I am, I love it. I just...
I can't.
I'm cycling.
Oh, my God, SoulCycle?
My sister does that and her ass is like
two little coconuts. Do you love it?
Yeah, no,
not that kind of cycling. It's...
Oh, my God.
- I'm so sorry. What an idiot!
- No!
Why would- That's okay.
No, it's not! I'm such a dope.
I didn't know you two were back to that.
I thought you were just trying to adopt.
No, yeah, we are. We just figured
while we're waiting we might as well
give this a shot.
Sorry, that's a good one.
Giving IVF "a shot."
It's our first time. We've done a lot of
IUIs before, but we've never really...
brought out the big guns.
I'm sure it'll really increase
your chances though, right?
Yeah, I don't know...
Our numbers aren't that great.
You should talk to my cousin, Erin.
- Yeah?
- She did IVF to get her kids.
The doctors told her she shouldn't bother.
Her chances were one percent or something.
And she got pregnant twice.
In her 40s. With only one ovary.
I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to you
about it. And her kids...
are amazing. Look at them.
- Oh...
- How cute!
That's a double-A embryo right there.
See the tightly-packed cells?
That puppy's raring to go.
I'm gonna transfer both,
but I'm putting my money on that guy.
You ready?
All righty...
Here we go, guys! Showtime!
Now your job is just to relax
and breathe, okay?
This might be a little cold.
Just... relax.
That's it.
You likeprog rock?
All right. Let's get pregnant, shall we?
Oh, here. Let's grab that one.
Oh, my God! Wait! Richard! Get it!
- Oh!
- Richard!
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Jesus Christ!
Excuse me, excuse me. Hi!
- Could you open your-
- It's fine, sweetheart.
No, it's not. I'm trying to implant.
Sir, could you please open up your thing?
Could you open that up?
Hi, I just had a medical procedure-
It's gynecological.
If you could just slow down and go easy
on the bumps, I'd really appreciate it.
- How we doing?
- Good!
As of now...
- there are no IVF materials in sight.
- Great.
Hey, you think we should
take down the Lisa Yuskavage?
What? No!
I'm just looking at it
from Beth's perspective.
We're used to it, but...
if we sit next to each other on the couch
and Beth sits across from us,
it's right in her face.
What is?
The vagina.
I think we should at least move it
so it's not so...
No. No.
If our social worker's so uptight that she
would deny us a child because we have...
a vagina on our wall,
well, then it's, like...
screw everything!
I mean, you know, it's, like, fuck it!
Just fuck the whole fucking thing!
- Okay.
- So sick of people judging us,
telling us what to do all the time.
Between the doctors, the social workers,
and the support groups,
it's like, you know what,
shut the fuck up already!
Shove it up your fucking asses!
So, before Kyra went on maternity leave,
she walked me through everything,
so I'm pretty up to date.
- Okay.
- But...
there's really nothing that can replace
the face-to-face.
- Yes.
- Oops. Hope it's not too hot.
Thank you.
- You want any?
- No, I'm good.
Yeah, she's a good friend of ours.
Not the woman in the picture,
the artist who made it.
She's a friend.
- It was a wedding present.
- Yeah, so...
So, it looks like you came to adoption
after some fertility treatments.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, it wasn't for us.
Just didn't feel right.
Plus, Richard only has one testicle, so...
And I see that you were matched
with a birth mother last winter.
Would you mind telling me
a little bit about that?
Well, we had been officially waiting
for a couple of months,
and we weren't getting any calls,
- which was totally depressing.
- Yeah.
- Kyra told us about Parent Portraits...
- Yeah.
...and so we decided to give it a try.
About a week after our page went up,
- we got a call.
- Yeah.
Yes, hi. Yeah, that's us.
No, we're so happy that you called.
It's the perfect time.
Yes, that's right. New York City. NYC.
Well, it's got pros and cons,
but we love it.
So where are you from?
Wow. Really?
Birthplace of Bill Clinton.
No, we've never been there,
but that's somewhere we've always...
we've always wanted to go to.
No, we were just watching TV.
Yes, exactly, the city that never sleeps.
We talked almost every night for a month.
"He's so weird, so scrawny,"
and he was like-
Yeah, he like asked me out
for ice cream or something.
I don't know, whatever you do in 6th Grade
and I was like, "No..."
I guess it was, yeah,
freshman year of high school.
He asked me out again. He was relentless.
We just fell in love with her.
What's the story with that thing?
She was so young, it was almost like
we were her parents.
- The doctor's appointment went so well!
- Okay!
The only thing I did before
I got on, was...
- Oh, that is so sweet!
- Very nice!
They said that the heartbeat is great.
The blood work...
um, they did the whole sonogram thing,
and I guess it's growing at the right...
speed, so-
- And so you arranged to meet with her?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yup.
Two days before Christmas.
It's amazing we could get tickets.
Yep. There she blows.
- Okay! We got barbecue ribs and iced tea.
- Wow! That looks great, thank you.
Are you sure there's nothing else
I can get for you?
No. Thank you.
- All right. Enjoy.
- Thank you.
Rach, relax.
She's just late.
Come on. Have some mashed potatoes.
After that it was just like...
She never...
showed up and we never heard
from her again.
We'd been warned about this stuff.
But, it's not like she asked us for money
or anything.
And when we got home,
we realized that there was no name or date
on any of the sonograms.
Kyra said that sometimes
the girls just want the attention.
And there isn't a baby at all.
We still don't know if she was...
real or not.
You know, it's much easier
when it involves money.
At least that makes some kind of sense.
But the emotional scams are just really...
really tough.
I mean, most peoplethat've been through
what you've been through,
they would've given up.
Or they would have thrown themselves
right back on the fertility treadmill.
It really is a testament
to your strength as a couple
that you stuck with it
and renewed your commitment to adoption.
Thank you.
Hey, Eno! Lazlo!
A text from Rachel.
What does it say?
It's kind of personal.
We're rooting for you.
Yeah, hello?
Yes. Sure, just hold on just a second.
Hey. It's Dordick.
You could give it another go.
This was your first IVF,
Rachel responded well.
All it takes is one good egg.
On the other hand...
the two of you have been at it
for quite some time,
and if money is a factor...
that, combined with Rachel's age,
makes me think...
sure, you could try again,but your best
chance for success is with a donor egg.
Yeah. It's a big leap, I know.
It takes some getting used to.
And I don't want to diminish
the loss of a genetic link for Rachel.
But there are a lot of positives
to consider.
Rachel would carry the child,
she'd control the prenatal environment,
give birth.
And, of course, there'd be
Richard's genetic contribution.
It's a lot to wrap your head around.
Give it some time.
Meanwhile, take a look at our program,
see what you think,
and we can talk next week.
Well, he's out of his fucking mind.
No way in hell I'm doing that.
We should at least just think about it.
I'm not saying that we would do it.
We can just explore the idea,
see how we feel.
Make a list of all the pros and cons.
We talked about this.
We swore we would never do it.
No, you swore that you would
never do it. I...
I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want
to pressure you into something
that you were gonna have to live with
for the rest of your life.
Wait, so all this time I'm assuming
that we feel the same way about this,
you've been having secret fantasies
about egg donation?
It's not a secret fantasy.
It is to me. I didn't know about it.
I thought that we had decided,
together as a couple,
that we would definitely
draw the line at...
science fiction!
It's not science fiction, Rach.
It's pretty primitive, actually.
They do it with farm animals all the time.
Well, I'm not a goat!
- Okay?
- Bad example. I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
You're, like, so gung-ho right now,
it's freaking me out.
I am not gung-ho, I am just pragmatic.
If we do another IVF with your eggs, we've
got a four per cent chance of pregnancy?
With a donor egg, we'd be going
from four to, like, 65 per cent!
The gambler in me just wants to put
my money on the better odds.
Oh, my God!
You're Guy Woodhouse.
The husband in Rosemary's Baby,
John Cassavetes, that's you.
Yeah, Rach. That's me,
standing by while you're raped
by a satanic demon.
I am just suggesting that we listen to
our doctor and look into all the options.
We're already signed up for adoption.
What is the big deal?
Well, for one, I'm not putting
someone else's body parts
into my uterus.
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me. Sorry.
I know it's more complicated for you.
- Isn't it more complicated for you, too?
- Yes, of course it is. Yes, yes.
But you heard him.
There's a lot of positives.
- You would get to carry the baby.
- Whoop-de-doo!
What does that make me, the bellhop?
Why don't you just go screw
a younger woman, then?
- What are you talking about?
- Look!
There's one now. Go fuck her!
I don't want to fuck her!
My God, look, we are doing
everything we can,
short of kidnapping, to start a family.
I do not know why
this is so off-limits.
That's easy for you to say.
You'll have your...
genetic contribution, and me, I'm just...
I'll just be...
Left out.
Don't even-
Just don't.
Who is it?
It's the kids from the third floor.
What do they want?
It's Halloween.
Just don't answer it.
Someone's there. I heard them.
But they're not answering.
- But it's a holiday.
- It's not that kind of holiday.
Not everybody celebrates Halloween.
They did it last year.
- Trick or Treat!
- Trick or Treat!
Jesus, it's like eBay for ova.
There's one that got
a full athletic scholarship in golf.
I mean, have you ever even heard of that?
College golf?
I thought you were working on your edit.
So what do you think?
- What?
- For her to have your baby.
She's not having my baby. You are.
Okay, fine. Well, just, what do you think?
I think she's fine.
- That's all you're gonna say?
- I'm not making a big thing out of this.
It's just an egg.
It's one cell.
One cell that would contain half
the chromosomes of our child-to-be.
- I don't see it that way.
- You are so in denial. It's crazy.
You know what? Don't knock denial.
It comes in very handy,
you should try it sometime.
'Cause without it,
you end up like this guy.
Listen to this.
Double major,
Philosophy and Political Science,
at an East Coast Ivy League university.
Entered at age 16.
Too intimidating.
Yeah. Your sperm might be
a little shy around her eggs.
Favorite book, The Fountainhead?
See, she's got an asterisk.
That means she's reserved.
She probably has a waiting list.
It's that Ivy League thing.
Hm. Hm. Whoa, whoa.
Click on her.
She's cute.
She's got a BA in Journalism
and Cinema Studies.
No wonder she's selling her eggs.
She can't get a job.
I like her nose.
I like your nose.
This is actually kinda kinky, isn't it?
I find it kind of...
kind of kinky.
Oh, my God.
Wait. Is that...
Er... Fiona from Mogador?
This is weird.
Just think of it as an exercise.
There's no right or wrong answers.
- All right.
- Okay?
Yeah. All right.
Well, you know, she's beautiful.
That's obvious.
She's always nice, which is good,
whenever we come in.
No matter how crowded.
She's got a great laugh.
Amazing body.
In summer, when she wears those...
thin cotton dresses,
with her hair all piled up-
Oh, my God.
You said there were no wrong answers.
It's very confusing.
I've never done this before.
Neither have I, but just...
stop thinking about fucking her.
Think about her like she's your daughter,
not your...
You wanted to do this, you know.
You think I enjoy this?
Looking for another woman's egg
to mix with my husband's sperm
so we can shove it up my pussy
so we can make a baby?
At least Fiona's an actual, real,
flesh-and-blood person,
and not some random thumbnail photo.
- I think maybe we should just ask her-
- What are you, crazy?
- Jesus Christ!
- Jesus... Rach, are you crazy?
We can't just ask her.
- She put her picture up on the website.
- That doesn't mean that-
Hey, guys.
What can I get you?
My God!
It's like The Handmaid's Tale.
It would be different if I had, like,
a younger sister or something,
or like a cousin.
Even like a family friend.
Someone we had a real connection with,
so I wasn't just...
preying on the bodies
of random young women.
Really sucks, what you're going through.
Yeah, it does, thanks.
For confirming
that my life sucks right now.
- Okay.
- It really means a lot to me.
Well, you're welcome.
I know technically you're just
my step-uncle and aunt,
but I feel closer to you guys
than everyone else in the family.
You guys get it.
Everyone else is on me all the time
to get my shit together
like I'm some sort of dropout
or something.
You did just drop out of Bard, didn't you?
No, I was given permission
by the dean's office
to finish my degree requirements
in absentia.
- That's a thing.
- Yeah. I mean, that's Latin, right?
For "dropped out."
- Shut up!
- Ho! Ho! Careful, I'm driving here.
Oh, my God!Even you, Uncle Cool.
You know what? You came up with
that nickname, not me.
And the fact that anyone would refer to me
as cool
is just evidence of how utterly uncool
our family actually is.
- That's true.
- Yeah.
Thought everything was supposed to be
all gentrified now.
Well, I guess they forgot about
our corner.
It's so Serpico.
There you go.
Oh, my God! Hi, puppies!
Hi, Sade!
Oh, my God!
Whoa, whoa!
God, you guys all right?
So, how do you plan on finishing?
Why online?
Because that way, I don't have to talk
to deluded college students
who think the world gives a shit
about their stupid short fiction,
which isn't even fiction
in the first place,
just thinly-veiled autobiographical crap
about their entitled upbringing.
Wow. Thank you.
And I won't have to listen
to what a big deal it is
that they're being published in some
literary magazine no one has heard of,
like Tin House or whatever.
Wait, Tin House?
Tin House is a really well-regarded
literary magazine.
- They published something of yours, right?
- Yeah, once.
So everybody at your school's
getting published in Tin House?
Not everybody.
I just mean in general, like,
everyone is so self-promoting,
and convinced of theirartistic promise,
and I'm like,
"Hey, my uncle is an award-winning
theater genius,
and my aunt is a real-life playwright
and author who gets...
invited to Yaddo, andgets her stories
published in well-knownperiodicals
that normal people have actually heard of,
like The New Yorker, for instance.
And they're over 40
and still have to live in
a rent-stabilized apartment on Avenue A
with drunks and graffiti in the front,
so don't talk to me
about 'the sacrifices' you're making
to be an artist, okay?"
So good.
Don't you ever miss it?
You guys were so great.
Tell that to the NEA.
Oh, I meant to tell you,
I went by our old space on Walker Street.
You know what it is now?
- No.
- Citibank.
- Ugh.
- My God.
Try doing Grotowski in front of an ATM.
"This was the year that
a small downtown theater collective
reminded us of the singular power
of theater to astonish.
In Tray, a story set among cafeteria
workers in a suburban high school,
La Rata and its director, Richard Grimes,
created a political comedy
that deftly examines the racial
and socioeconomic divide
that plagues our nation."
Who wrote that?
- Jonathan Saks, The Village Voice.
- Oh.
See, that's how sad we are.
We're from a time when
The Village Voice was considered relevant.
Honey, are you awake?
- Richard?
- Yeah. What?
Do you think we should do it?
Do what?
Ask Sadie.
She's so young.
Yeah, that's the point, isn't it?
- Hey.
- Wow!
How Instagrammable, thank you!
Do you need a...?
Thank you.
Oh, my God, look at us.
We're like an ad for assholes.
You mean we're assholes, or we're part
of an ad that's targeted to assholes?
No, it's just that whole...
people with cappuccinos in their lofts,
with their laptops, dogs, with messy hair.
You know, that whole fantasy.
It's not your fault.You guys are
authentic and real, you've just been
co-opted by cultural mechanisms
that create desirability.
I took a media and consumer society
course. It was pretty life-altering.
there's something that we want to...
Look at- Just-
You know I only have one testicle, right?
Yeah, I do, actually.
- You do?
- Charlie mentioned it once.
- He did?
- Not to me personally, but to my mom.
I overheard it
a couple of Thanksgivings ago.
I don't remember.
It was when you guys were going through
all that fertility stuff.
We're still going through
all that fertility stuff.
- My mom said you were trying to adopt.
- Yeah, we are.
But recently we decided it might be
a good idea to just tryeverything
all at once.
'Cause, you know,
we're not getting any younger.
- That's for sure.
- Yeah. And we just had a failed IVF.
Wait, what?
- Oh, my God, you guys, I'm so sorry.
- Thanks.
That must suck.
It's not over, though.
You guys are gonna keep trying, right?
now the doctor is suggesting a...
a different approach altogether.
My mom told me you guys had a lot going on
but I had no idea.
Is... This is a really bad time
for me to be crashing here, isn't it?
- No, not at all.
- I have friends in Bushwick...
No, we're so glad that you're here!
- You're sure?
- Yes.
Me, too.
I love you guys.
- I'll pop in some more toast.
- Good idea.
Oh, does anybody mind if I get started
on the crossword?
Actually, we wanted to ask you
about your eggs.
Scrambled is good, but however you guys
do them is fine with me.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Did you mean hay...
- with an "A"?
- No, just "hey" as in "hello."
- Sam, this is my niece Sadie. Sadie, Sam.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Sadie's gonna help out here for a while.
I thought you could show her the ropes.
Yeah, okay. Cool.
Okay. Come on.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
I like to be as prepared as possible
the night before the farmers' market,
because, well,
we set up at like, 5:00 a.m.,
and at that hour I am...
utterly impaired,and not in a position
to make any kind of business decisions.
Oh, my God, I'm totally whale-tailing,
aren't I?
It's cool.
- I would get a gourmet...
- How often do you guys get this?
- You have no idea!
- You haven't been here!
No crema.
I got extra guac.
- Stop.
- You're getting pico de gallo?
This is not his first rodeo.
My burrito's without cheese, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay. It smells so good.
We got it all.
Oh, my God. What does that even mean?
It's like an open invitation for assholes.
Yes, it is.
Oh, my God, my esophagus is
on fucking fire. I love this.
Rachel and I have been looking for
an egg donor.
You know what that is, right?
Yeah, I do.
They advertise for it at school.
I know somebody who did it, a film major.
They paid her like $10,000.
That's how she financed her senior thesis.
It was the entire budget
of her short film.
She named the company "Ovum Productions."
It was really funny at the time.
Not so much now.
No, that's funny.
- You know...
- No, no, no. It is. It is.
Well, we wanted to ask you
about your eggs, actually.
In your ovaries.
Oh, okay.
What about them?
we were wondering if you would consider...
donating some.
To us.
- Just like your friend.
- Yeah, except not.
No, no. Yes. Yes.
you know us, so it would be different.
What would this entail, exactly?
Well, technically, you wouldjust
go through pretty much
what I just went through with IVF,
minus the...
- transfer.
- What's the transfer?
That's when they put
the fertilized eggs back into your uterus.
- My uterus, in this case.
- Right, yeah. Yes.
It wouldn't be yours,
because it would be Rachel's.
Yeah, your uterus would not be involved
in this instance.
You would be done right after
the retrieval, so...
You'd have to get screened
by the clinic first.
Bunch of blood tests,
a psychiatric evaluation.
- Uh-oh!
- No, no, it's nothing like that.
They just wanna make sure you would
be able to handle thewhole thing,
Right, so I don't go
all Mary Beth Whitehead on you?
Er, no, nothing, forget it. It's...
- Who was that again?
- Yeah.
The- Just something we read about
in a medical ethics class.
The surrogate in the Baby M case.
In the '80s.
Yeah, yeah. She refused to give up
the baby or something, right?
Yeah. Sorry.
- Creepy reference. Totally inappropriate.
- No.
That's okay. Okay.
what else?
- The drugs?
- Yes, right. The stimulating hormones.
How could I forget?
You give yourself injections to
increase your egg count for the cycle.
Yeah. It's a lot of...
shots. Let me show you here.
You see them?
- God. Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
I mean, this looks a lot worse than it is.
But the drugs can make you feel...
pretty crazy, mood-wise.
My shrink had a really funny name for it.
What did she call it again?
- "Emotionally incontinent."
- Oh, my God, gross!
But because it's not you trying to have
the baby directly,
it would be way less fraught,
- Don't you think?
- Definitely.
And, of course, we would pay you.
No way, I'm not taking money
from you guys.
No. We insist.
We'd pay you exactly what you would get
in any of the university clinics.
Ten thousand dollars,
just like your friend.
It's not a lot of money, considering.
But it's the standard rate,and it's...
it's all we can afford.
You don't have to say anything now.
It's... It's just an overview.
It's a lot to absorb, so just...
take your time and think about it.
- Good.
- Okay.
All right.
- Who needs more beer?
- I do!
No. I mean, okay, like, I'll do it.
The egg thing. I'll do it.
You really need to think.
This is a big decision.
- You don't have to answer right now.
- I'm totally cool with it.
It's not like I'm doing anything else
with my life. I don't even have a job.
what could be more rewarding than
helping two people I love start a family?
You guys have always been
such role models for me.
You're so supportive, and...
You're gonna be amazing parents.
Way better than mine.
Hey. Don't say that.
You have great parents.
We're gonna have to tell them
about this, too, you know.
It has to all be out in the open.
Totally transparent.
I don't see a problem with that.
- You don't?
- My mom's always on me about...
finding purpose
and doing something real with my life.
Well, it doesn't get more real than this,
Be careful!
All right?Did you hear me?
Lunatic, are you filming me like that?
It's just gonna be my bald spot!
That's all it's gonna be.
They're here!
Hey, guys!
Come on!
How's everything? You made good time.
You brought your laundry?
Yeah, I did.
- Good.
- Hey!
It's, like, quarters only,
and the laundromat had no-
- Hi, Sadie!
- Hi!
- How are you?
- Oh, my God!
Hi! It's so good to see you!
Charlotte! Are you okay?
You brought pie?
I'll get you the rest
before the end of the year!
Come here!
That's okay. I'm so embarrassed.
This is like...
Don't be sorry, I didn't realize you were
so sensitive. Is it okay if I go back?
- Go ahead, please. Sorry.
- Mom? How many?
How many what?
- Hi, Nellie! Hi, Jennifer.
- Hi!
You'll play later, right?
Thank you.
They're super comfy. Do you want it?
I would love it.
So, I'm not gonna use my...
You know how, like,
all college grads are like...
That's so creepy.
Like, looking down the shirts of girls,
like when we walk around,
we don't have to do anything.
I'm in, like, all AP classes.
Well, you did that to yourself.
No, but I have to do that.
I wanna get in.
You're gonna get in.
Okay, but if I wasn't doing that whole-
Yeah, I can't change it.
Charlie? Charlie...
- I cannot manage that.
- Because they don't teach us as kids.
Charlie and I decided that we wanted
to do Thanksgiving right for a change,
so before we all dig in,
we'd like to invite everyone
to go around the table
and talk about what it is
you're grateful for this year.
- Come on.
- It'll be a "Thanksgiving" Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Charlie, my supportive husband.
Okay, I think I'm going to begin.
I would like to say that I am
very thankful to Richard and Rachel.
- Hell, yeah.
- Wow.
For giving our daughter, Sadie,
all the great love and support she needs
for starting her new life in Manhattan,
and giving her a great home base.
And, I just want to say
on a personal note, I know that
you guys have been going through
a really tough time,
and the fact that you're taking care of
someone else's child
when you're struggling
to have a child of your own
is just more evidence
of your incredible generosity.
And... I really hope someday that
we can repay you for all that you guys
have done for us, so cheers.
- Hear! Hear!
- Cheers!
- Okay.
- Can I be next?
Yes, go ahead. Go ahead, Sadie, go.
That was beautiful.
And it's the perfect prologue
for what I wanted to say.
I'm also thankful for Richard and Rachel
- for everything they've done for me.
- Never been so popular.
From letting me intern
at their theater company...
Free labor is more like it. employing me
at the Pickle Guy offices and...
most recently, letting me crash at
their place until I get my act together.
I'm especially thankful to you, Rachel.
For reading all of my lame attempts
at playwriting and short fiction.
And for taking me seriously as an artist
when I have a hard time doing that myself.
And, finally,
this seems like the perfect opportunity
to share some exciting news.
I'm going rogue here.
I haven't asked Richard and Rachel,
but I can't let this moment go to waste.
- It's okay.
- No, I don't think-
What I'm most thankful for this year
is the opportunity
to help Richard and Rachel
make their dreams come true.
- Sadie, it's not- Seriously.
- By offering them a tiny bit of myself,
I get to give these guys the greatest gift
they could have asked for.
The gift of life.
An oocyte.
I don't understand. What is an oocyte?
Isn't it...
like an egg?
I've decided to be
Richard and Rachel's egg donor.
And, if all goes well,
by this time next year,
we'll all be giving thanks for the newest
member of our family:
Richard and Rachel's baby.
- We haven't even-
- It's...
Yeah! Yes, it's good news! It's good news.
We haven't even...
- I was gonna- We haven't coordinated-
- It's my turn now, right?
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- What?
On this fabulous Thanksgiving,
spending it with family and friends,
I am most grateful for
being 31 days sober today.
Clean and sober 31 days.
Over my dead body! Do you hear me?
This has nothing to do with your body.
It's my body...
It's not blood or checking the organ
donation box on your driver's license.
You'll be living with this all your life.
Our whole family will be affected.
- I've given it a lot of thought.
- Have you?
- I wanna help them. It means a lot to me.
- Well, now it's fun.
You're the center of attention,
but and after the baby's born? What then?
I'll be Aunt Sadie, or Cousin Sadie,
whatever they want me to be. Look, Mom...
What if you had kidney disease, and
I'm your friend and I have two kidneys?
Person only needs one kidney, right?
Of course I'd give it to you!
Honey, kidney disease kills people.
Rachel wants a baby, she's not dying.
- How do you know?
- Sorry. We were planning to talk to you.
That's nice.
How were you planning on paying for it?
Jesus, Mom!
- Why don't we go upstairs and get you-
- Whose side are you on?
Nobody's side, nobody's side.
We're not doing this without your support.
Well, you don't have it.
So, guys, why don't you just...
Fuck this!
...get some food, go homeand then
we'll talk about it some other time, okay?
- Where are you going?
- I'm getting my laundry!
God, Mom. You are so anti-Aunt Rachel.
- I'm not anti-anybody.
- Come on!
On some level, you're threatened by her.
'Cause she'll have a book and a baby and
you'll have nothing once Charlotte's gone?
That's what you think I'm worried about?
I am worried about you, Sadie.
You could be squandering
your future fertility for all you know.
My God, you should be freezing your eggs,
not selling them.
That's absurd.
Tons of girls do it and they're fine.
Anyway, I'm not having kids.
You do not know that now.
Yes, I do. I don't want kids,
I want a career.
You could have both.
Do you know how many times you've told me
that women have to sacrifice things
when they have kids?
That you had to drop out of school
when you had me?
I get my period every month,
and I flush an egg down the toilet.
Why not give some to Richard and Rachel?
What could be more meaningful than me
giving two people I love who are desperate
to start a family the gift of life?
Oh, my God.
- They've brainwashed you.
- Oh...
Why do you feel so cheated by life, Mom?
And if I can just make it through today...
just today...
I will be one third of the way through
the Bermuda Triangle.
I am not happy about this!
Maybe we should've gone with
an anonymous donor.
- Goddammit.
- This is not a good idea!
I know you want a child,
- but this is my child we're talking about.
- I am not a child!
- Understood, Cynthia.
- If she was your daughter,
would you want her to do this?
- Goodnight. Come on, okay?
- Cynthia, we haven't even-
- Okay. Thanks!
- Sadie!
- This is madness.
- We're gonna call you in-
Third-party reproduction is usually
an arrangement
between anonymous
or unrelated individuals.
But some couples prefer to involve
a family member,
or a trusted friend, which is fine.
As long as all the people involved
are consenting adults,
it should not be a problem.
Now, that's not to say that
this kind of collaboration
doesn't bring up some intense feelings
for everyone,
including the extended family.
Of course it does.
This is uncharted territory
for most people.
But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
We don't even know if Sadie's
an appropriate candidate for egg donation.
My advice is to get the process started,
and then use the time
to wrap your heads around
what this arrangement might mean
for you and your family.
Then, after the reports come back
and Sadie's completed
her psychological evaluation... can sit down and make
a fully-informed decision.
I call him Uncle Richard,
but he's actually
my stepfather Charlie's brother.
So we're not really related.
Which is probably better
for something like this.
Because... otherwise, it would be incest.
For the record, I don't have a problem
with the whole donor thing.
Not to say I don't think it's weird.
It's weird, but...
I'm a periodontist.
I graft freeze-dried cadaver bones into
the mouths of living people every day.
I can handle weird.
But Cynthia?
She's different, she's much more
sensitive, especially these days.
She's been having a really tough time...
they're screening her.
Who's screening her?
The clinic for the egg donation.
- You might wanna talk to her about it.
- She doesn't need my permission.
Well, that's true, she doesn't.
what if Richard and Rachel were gay?
- Please!
- No, I'm serious. What would you say?
If they were a gay male couple
and they wanted to start a family
and Sadie wanted to help them.
I would say, "Mazel tov.
Now go get some girl off the internet
and leave us out of it."
Sadie doesn't understand what it is
she's doing. She's just...
throwing around her genetic material
like it's popcorn.
Auctioning off family property
like it's no big deal.
Well, they're family.
- What?
- Richard and Rachel are family.
- What are you doing? Oh, my God-
- There's something on your chin.
- Can you not, please? Do you mind?
- It's bleeding.
It's nothing. It's a pimple.
My God, Charlie, please.
Don't touch me. I'm trying to concentrate.
I got into Berkeley!
- What!
- My early decision letter came. I got in!
- Oh, my God, let me see!
- I'm going to Berkeley!
You did it! I'm so proud of you!
- We are so proud of her, right, Cyn?
- It's great, honey, I'm so happy for you.
What happened to your face, Mom?
It's nothing. It's just a little...
It's- It's just this...
Stupid. Just...
We'll meet you downstairs, okay?
Oh, okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
"Ms. Sadie Barrett has applied to become
a donor in the Conceptions Oocyte
Donor Program.
The purpose of this evaluation
is to gain insight
into her psychological
and emotional well-being.
Psychological testing indicatesno
significant evidence of psychopathology."
- Woo! Yeah!
- Awesome!
Wait, this is the good part.
"Ms. Barrettpresented as a bright,
sophisticated, and charismatic young woman
who appears comfortable
with her decision to donate.
She is mature and intelligent
and it is likely that she will
comply with the medical demands
of the donation.
In conclusion, Ms. Barrett is approved
as a candidate for oocyte donation."
- Yeah! Yes!
- Yes!
- I was a little worried.
- I was very worried about you.
You passed?
Why are you so surprised?
I'm not, I'm just...
You know, I thought maybe...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You know that I love you, right?
Even though I don't agree with you,
at all...
I respect you,
and if this project is something you feel
you need to do, then you should do it.
So you're cool with it?
No, I'm not "cool" with it.
I'm not cool with anything, ever.
But I see how much this means to you,
and I don't want to stand in your way.
I want to support you. No matter what.
You do?
Doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
Wow! Christmas!
What does this stuff do?
It shuts down our reproductive systems
so they can sync up our cycles.
Any risk of, like, triggering menopause?
Technically, it is menopause.
It's chemically-induced, it's temporary.
Okay, I'm gonna start with Rachel.
- All right.
- Yup.
- There you go.
- All right.
All right.
One, two, three.
- Subcutaneous. No biggie.
- All righty, your turn.
Oh, my God, this is so glamorous.
We're like Drugstore Cowboy.
All done.
He wants me to start stimming.
Warning: this stuff can make you feel
really crazy and all over the place.
"Emotionally incontinent." I remember.
Don't worry. I can handle it.
One, two, three.
- Oh! Shit!
- One, two...
Oh, I love it!
Are you sure you don't want it?
It's in perfect condition.
No, it's... better for you.
I can't wear that anymore.
Oh, no. You're not gonna start...
draping, are you?
God, my mom went on this jag
where she got rid of, like,
everything in her closet
that was even remotely form-fitting,
and now it's just like cowl necks,
and tunics, and draw strings, and shawls,
that whole Eileen Fisher thing.
It's like she doesn't even
have a body anymore,
she's just drowning inside all this fabric
and erased all sexuality from her being.
It's like she's been spayed.
Can I use some of your lotion?
My skin is so dry. I'm molting.
Yeah, sure, whatever's there.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
My boobs are so big from those drugs,
I look like a porn star.
You're gonna be such a great mom.
I am?
Uh-huh. Totally.
I wish you were my mom.
- What? That's crazy.
- No, it's not.
I think of you like that sometimes.
Like, you're my art mom,
and Richard is my art dad,
and I'm your art daughter.
And now it's gonna be, like, so intense,
because a little part of me,
mixed with a little part of him,
is gonna be growing inside of you.
Do you think Sam is attractive?
- What?
- Sam, who works at Pickle Guy?
I don't know.
I never thought about it before.
I think he's attractive
in a kind of "fucked-up character
in a Sam Shepard play" way.
Broken, but hot.
Do you think our baby will grow up
to be a writer?
Yours and Sam's?
No, yours and mine.
Shit, it's my editor.
- Hi, Liz.
- Have you seen it?
No. Seen what?
- Sorry.
- The book jacket.
Okay. Okay.
Holding, holding, holding...
Are you there?
It totally misrepresents the book.
Then it's like, oh, I don't understand
the business side, which I don't.
But I do know if a guy wrote it,
it wouldn't be packaged like a cupcake.
So sick of this shit.
Same thing with this whole fertility
nightmare. I just feel so betrayed.
By what?
You know,
the bullshit I was fed in college.
Feminist ideology.
The lie that I could have a career
and then kids.
Well, obviously that hasn't panned out.
Should send them the bills
for our IUI's and IVF's.
You can't blame second-wave feminism
for our ambivalence about having a kid.
I'm not ambivalent.
No, now you're not.
Because you realize that the boat
is leaving the dock. But...
before, you kept changing the deadline.
You know, "We'll start
as soon as I finish the play,"
"right after I get this story published,"
"once I finish the book."
Are you blaming me?
No, I'm not blaming you.
I'm just saying that we need to take
some responsibility for the situation.
A lot of women have babies at 41.
I thought I could, too.
I just don't think
it's Gloria Steinem's fault
that we can't get pregnant.
Whose fault is it, then?
I guess it is mine, because I was too busy
writing my stupid book.
I didn't say that.
All the doctors ever talk about is
my advanced maternal age, my old eggs.
Then we're in the middle of an IVF and,
what a surprise,
your sperm is, like, on a sabbatical.
- Whoa. What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
Let's just drop it.
All I'm saying is that we can't blame
Dr. Dordick,
or Bella Abzug,
or anybody else for our fuck-up.
You mean my fuck-up!
Why do I feel like
I'm in a Wendy Wasserstein play?
I don't know, but it's our anniversary
and I've got to go get a...
dildo cam shoved up my twat
by Dr. Dordick,
so can we just not talk about this
right now, and just repress it?
Or suppress it,or whichever one
is more appropriate for this instant,
so we can just keep this train on track?
It's "suppress."
When you consciously forget something,
that's suppression.
Repression is unconscious.
- Hey.
- Sadie? You-
Happy anniversary.
- It smells so good.
- Yeah!
Oh, my God!
"Donny, calm down and have a tonic!"
Oh, my God!
Did you ever read Innocence
by Harold Brodkey?
No, I don't think so.
Me, neither.
It's pretty life-altering.
- Wait, that the Harvard cunnilingus one?
- Yeah, that one.
It's all about a guy going down
on a girl, right?
Yeah. I read it in a contemporary
short fiction class.
And then, as an assignment, I wrote,
a kind of tongue-in-cheek response to it,
that I called Experience.
No pun intended.
A "tongue-in-cheek response" to a story
about cunnilingus. Somebody had to say it!
Come on!
It's still a work in progress, but...
I was wondering,
if you guys were interested,
I'd love to get your thoughts about it.
- Oh, my God, yes. I can't wait.
- Absolutely. Sure.
Oh, God. That would be so great.
But it has to be top secret,
because my mom has been asking to see
my writing all semester
and the thought of her reading about me...
choking on cock,
even in a fictional piece, is horrifying.
It's intense.
Oh, my God. You don't have to
look at that tonight.
No, hey.
It's our anniversary.
At least I can read about fellatio.
Oh, my God.
- Yeah, yeah!
- Just kidding.
Bye, guys.
Where you going?
To meet Sam.
Oh. Cool.
Yeah, cool.
Well... have a good time.
- Yeah, have fun.
- All right.
Just don't have sex.
You know if it- Just, not right now.
I'm not planning on having sex with Sam.
No, I know, just, you know,
if it comes up.
You're extremely fertile, at the moment.
- We're just going to the movies.
- What are you guys seeing?
Something at Anthology Film Archives.
Documentary about some music guy.
I'm concerned with the fact
that I have not been made a doctorate
at any college, and Bill Cosby has.
Even Dylan has.
George Martin is made a Sir.
Paul McCartney is made a Sir.
Elton John is made a Sir.
Buddy Holly's given a stamp.
You know-
- Definitely not a good date movie.
- No.
They should have a warning.
"Should not bring a date to this movie."
- Total vibe kill. Emphasis on "kill."
- Well, I guess I blew it, then.
Our date.
Oh. Wait, no. This isn't a-
I thought so.
- Oh.
- It's up to you.
Are we...
on a date?
Good question.
Do not freak out.
We didn't do anything, I swear.
Just, like, cuddled and kissed.
Nothing vaginal.
Okay. I think I'm gonna wait in the car.
You take my seat, and...
I'm gonna see you guys after, okay? So...
Oh, my God. The trains were so messed up.
You missed the appointment.
Didn't you get my text?
Texting isn't being here on time.
Okay. I'm sorry.
But, like I told you,
the trains were messed up.
Where are you going?
To see if they can get you in.
So, she just showed up.
Is there any way you can possibly
get her in?
- Can you guys wait?
- That's fine.
- Okay. You're welcome.
- Yes. Thank you so much.
What did they say?
They said they can squeeze you in
in half an hour.
Oh, okay. Cool.
So there's no problem, then.
I'm gonna wait in the car, too.
Oh, honey.
Over here!
It's pouring!
- I can sit in the back.
- No, no. Sit in the front.
I got you a Green Goddess
with a shot of wheat grass.
Are you okay?
- Oh, no.
- God.
Honey, I'm sorry I got so mad.
I think I overreacted.
That's not it?
The doctor just yelled at me and said
my eggs aren't developing on schedule.
- What?
- Dordick yelled at you?
Dr. Russell.
- Who's Dr. Russell?
- I think that was his name.
He said that I didn't have
enough follicles,
that I'm a "low responder,"
that someone my age should have way more,
and my eggs aren't growing
at the right rate or something.
He said that he has 41-year-old patients
who produce more eggs than me.
Oh, my God.
Honey, what are you doing? What-
I need to talk to Dr. Russell.
I'm sorry, Mr. Grimes,
he's with patients all morning.
But I can get him a message if you'd like.
Yeah, okay.
Tell him that my niece is not a chicken.
Write it down. Please.
Yes, tell him that our donor,
who is giving us the gift of life,
- is being treated like a piece of shit.
- Please keep your voice down, Mr. Grimes.
Is there a problem?
Dr. Russell, this is Richard Grimes.
Oh, hey. Dr. Frank Perdue. How are you?
I'm sorry, what-
Are you? Really? Sorry? Really?
Because my niece is sitting out there
crying in my car,
feeling like some kind
of a failed factory farm animal,
because you told her she's not producing
enough goddamn eggs!
Okay. Should I call security?
I don't know. You tell me.
Sorry about- Sorry.
Sorry. I got it.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I'll just collect that with the jacket.
Hi. Hi!
Those guys driving you crazy up there?
I've been living in a dorm
for three months.
That's right.
You know...
You can call it quits any time you want.
Don't worry
about the stupid numbers thing.
All it takes is one good egg.
That's what they keep telling us, anyway.
- Night.
- Good night.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- How's it going?
- Good. How are you?
- Good.
- Good.
- I need to...
- Oh, yeah, sure. I'm sorry.
Hey, Sadie?
Are you freaking out?
- No. Not really. Should I be?
- No, I...
You just seem kind of distant.
- I'm in the bathroom.
- No, about the other morning, you...
you left before I woke up.
I'm sorry. I was...
running late for something.
I'm not trying to be coy or anything.
It's just...
there's a lot of personal shit
I'm dealing with right now.
"Human Chorionic Gonadotropin."
Jesus. Could it sound more sci-fi?
They call it the trigger shot.
Makes you ovulate, and then
36 hours later, the retrieval,
and then, finito!
Okay. You ready?
- Okay.
- All righty.
All right. One, two, three.
I guess it's stating the obvious, but...
we couldn't have done this without you.
Oh, my God. You know what
we never even talked about?
That whole birthing thing.
Are you guys gonna do it
at home with, like,
a doula and a bath tub, and placenta?
Natural childbirth?
Nothing about this has been natural
so far.
I don't see why we would start now.
She said I had the most boring job
in the world.
All I do all day is put people to sleep.
Okay. Wow.
Really? Okay.
They did ICSI on 15 eggs. Six fertilized
and they're waiting on two more.
Is that good?
I'm so happy.
Did you gain a lot of weight after?
I swear I've put on, like,
12 pounds in three days.
Sometimes it takes a while for your body
to re-adjust after all the hormones.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Coffee's on the table.
And scrambled eggs and strawberries.
- All right. Feel better.
- I will.
- See you later.
- Bye.
How is she gaining weight?
She hasn't eaten anything in two days.
It's water retention. It's totally normal.
Oh, yeah, sure.
No one wants that.
- Me, three.
- Okey-dokey. Here we go.
You guys...
You okay?
I don't know. I don't know.
- What the heck's going on?
- Something feels wrong. I-
It started a few days ago,
after the retrieval.
Yeah. We're in the middle of an IVF.
- You're trying to get pregnant?
- No.
- I am.
- Right.
I thought you two were her parents.
- Prospective parents.
- Right.
She's my aunt, he's my uncle.
I'm just the donor.
- It's complicated.
- I can see that.
Were there any difficulties
with the retrieval?
I mean, yeah. Sort of.
What happened?
Well, I wasn't...
- I didn't have enough follicles...
- Okay. I increased the dose of Follitropin.
By how much?
Oh, my God.
God, that doctor is a fucking idiot.
No, it wasn't him.
He didn't make me do it.
I did it myself.
I increased the dosage on my own.
I just really wanted this to work out
for you guys.
You've spent so much money.
And I know how much it means to you.
And I didn't want to disappoint you.
It's okay. It's all right.
It's okay, Mom. I'm fine.
They're just observing.
My baby.
It's not their fault.
It was me. I was the idiot.
Discontinue the progesterone,
the estrogen patches,the Estrace,
as well as the supplements.
Barbara will call next weekto schedule
a meeting to talk about next steps.
I'm sorry, guys.
Yeah, okay. Thank you.
- Where are you going?
- Walk the dogs.
I'm so sad.
God. Don't those people
ever fucking stop partying?
Did you hear me?
Yeah, I did.
And I know, intellectually, that I am
supposed to do something for you now.
Comfort you, or whatever.
But I'm sorry that I can't.
I just don't have it in me.
You're gonna hate me for saying this.
You're gonna think
it's hideous sacrilege, but...
I'm actually kinda glad
that the cycle didn't work.
Because at least now it's over.
I know it's harsh,
but that's honestly how I feel.
I don't think I even want to have
a kid anymore.
I just want my life back.
I mean, look at us. We're a mess.
It's like we're not even
in a relationship, let alone a marriage.
I'm not your husband,
I'm just some guy that injects hormones
into your ass every night.
We don't even have sex.
- Wait, is that what this is about? Sex?
- No.
Yeah. I...
Well, maybe. I don't know.
What do you think?
Think we're ever gonna have sex again?
Are you actually asking me that right now,
or are you being theoretical?
No, I'm not. I'm actually asking you.
Do you think that we will ever
have sex again?
I don't know, Richard.
- You don't know?
- I... Yeah, I mean, yes.
I... Yes. Yes, at some point.
- At what point will that be, exactly?
- I don't know!
Why are you so fixated on this?
I'm not. I am simply pointing out that
since we have been so obsessed...
with this project, we've had sex
maybe one time in 11 months.
And you had to get trashedon a bottle
of ros before you would even consider it!
I mean, Jesus- Dr. Dordick is more
intimate with your vagina than I am!
Oh, my God. Do you want sex right now?
Is that it?
'Cause we just had a failed IVF.
And I don't know about you,
but that makes me feel pretty shitty.
And dead. And despondent.
And doesn't put me in a...
particularly erotic frame of mind.
But if you're dead set on it, you know...
I'm sure we can manage something.
Just can't guarantee
it's gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.
Look, battery still works.
It's our lucky day.
Okay, slow down. It's easy to miss.
Right there! That's it.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Hi!
- Hi, Sadie?
- Yeah.
- Hey, I'm Jonathan.
Nice to meet you. This is for you.
- Cool.
- All right.
- Hello! Hi, I'm Richard. Nice to meet you.
- Jonathan, nice to meet you.
- Hi! I'm Rachel.
- My wife, Rachel.
That's them.
Spencer and Katrina Trask.
Our patron saints.
- Terrible luck with children.
- They couldn't have them?
No, they had four,
but all of them died young.
Some of them are actually buried here.
And after the children were gone,
they decided they'd turn their estate into
a place where artists could come and work.
That's why you're here, that's why
I'm here, that's why everyone's here.
It's all in your packet, too.
Holy smokes!
- Wait. What is...
- Well, well, well!
- Are you serious?
- Wow!
- Look at this.
- This was Katrina's room.
Look. You even have
your ownfainting couch.
- Wait, this is my room?
- Mm-hm.
Oh, my God!
Wow. I've been here three times.
I never got this room.
This is...
we'll get you in, like, a month. Right?
Actually, you don't need to.
Sam said he could do it.
He's just always wanted to see
Saratoga Springs and...
thought it would save you guys the trip.
Thank you for whatever strings
you had to pull to get me in here.
I didn't pull any strings.
You didn't put in a good word for me?
I thought that's why I got accepted.
Go get it! Go get it!
Trick or treat!
Wow. You guys look great!
What are you?
Climate change.
- Ah!
- Who are you?
Richard Nixon.
He was the President
from when I was a kid.
I wanted to wear my Bill Clinton,
but I couldn't find it.
I guess he's before your time, too.
Oh, sorry.
There we go. How's that?
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- All right.
Sorry about the environment!
Where'd you find it?
Linen closet.
- Come here. Come here!
- Where?
It's the 800 number!
Here. Answer it.
- Why me?
- I... Come on!
Yeah, that's us.
No, no. We're so happy you called.
This is the perfect time.
We're just out for...
Yeah. New York City.
Well, it's got its pros and cons.
Where are you...
Where are you from?
Oh, wow.
No, we've never been to Virginia.
Land, ho.
Thank you.
- You good?
- Yeah.
All righty.
- Thank you.
- Great, thanks.
Oh, actually, we're expecting someone.
- I'll grab another menu.
- Okay.
That's better.