Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1990) Movie Script
1
Hey.
Hey!
Hello?
You're not supposed to be down here,
whoever you are.
Dance with me, Jack.
Don't creep up on me like that.
You almost blew a fuse in my pacemaker.
Don't be afraid.
I'm just a lonely girl looking for a dance.
You're not supposed to be down here.
I won't tell if you won't,
Jackie boy.
I haven't heard that name in 30 years.
There was a girl-- Wait a minute.
Who are you?
It's been a long time, Jackie boy.
- Did you miss me?
- It can't be you.
You're dead.
- I watched you die.
- And now I'm going to return the favor.
Mary--
Mama said I'd be a heartbreaker.
Okay, now,
to officially open up the new gym,
I'd like to call upon our principal,
Mr. Weatherall.
As I look around me at this beautiful...
and groovy new gymnasium,
I think this puts to rest...
all those ghosts at Hamilton High.
The strange noises,
the mysterious earth tremors,
the-the vanishing students-- these are all in the past.
Even the sudden and unexplained fire...
which destroyed part of this very gymnasium...
couldn't keep us down.
Look around.
Everything's cool, man.
And so it's an honor--
Thank you.
And so it's an honor...
to officially reopen the gym for our new year...
here at Hamilton High School!
Everybody just stay calm.
Stay in your seats. Everything's all right.
Just relax.
Nothing serious.
All right, all right.
Nobody get excited.
No casualties.
Hit it!
"While our souls still have wings,
'tis our duty to fly."
Robert de Cauchy,
poet.
"You're spending the summer with me,
or else." Sarah Monroe, girlfriend.
Girlfriends come and go, man,
but best friends are forever.
That's why we got to hit the road.
With the rest of the homeless mental patients.
Hi.
Sarah, nice to see you.
You want to help us plan our trip?
What happened to summer at the farm,
you and me getting back to nature?
I haven't really decided yet. I don't know, Alex.
That sounds pretty exciting.
Then why don't you let Alex decide?
Okay, what'll it be?
Freedom and the wide-open road...
or 50 acres of cow pies in the hot sun?
Alex!
Come in. Hi, Miss Richards.
You wanted to see me?
Oh. Yes.
Hello, Adam.
Alex.
I've just been going over your quarterly review.
- Um, I'm passing, aren't I?
- Oh, yes. Passing.
And I suppose that's enough.
It's not as if you're planning to go to medical school, is it?
- It says here you're going to--
- Medical school.
I don't think so. Your average is 71,
and that's not going to cut it.
From what I can see,
you're just not a great student, Adam.
You don't know how to sacrifice yourself for your goal.
- I-I could learn.
- How far are you willing to go to succeed, hmm?
I don't know.
As far as I have to, I guess.
You guess.
Perhaps you need to reevaluate your goals.
There are other options-- building maintenance,
groundskeeping, professional food services.
- You mean, like a cook?
- Not all of us can be doctors, Adam.
The world needs ditchdiggers too.
Have a nice day.
- Hello.
- I'd like that back, please.
What?
I'd like that back.
It was for my boyfriend,
the one who was supposed to be spending the summer with me.
Oh, come on, Sarah.
You know how stubborn Shane is.
Just say no. He's not a drug.
He's my friend.
All right,
all right, all right.
I'll tell him next time I see him.
I promise.
This is great.
I should still take it back.
You probably don't even know what day it is today.
Thursday?
I knew you wouldn't remember our first--
First anniversary.
Yes.
Yes! And...
I have a special surprise for you too.
Oh, do you?
Mm-hmm.
I'll pick you up at 7:00...
for a romantic candlelight dinner.
Um, have you got any more ketchup?
Hmm?
Alex, what's wrong?
You haven't said a word since we left the drive-thru.
Well,
I had a meeting today with Miss Richards.
She told me with my grades,
I should forget about medical school
and start learning how to flip burgers.
What does she know?
She's just a guidance counselor.
I'm tired of being average.
I'm tired of playing second string.
Do you know how tall I am?
5' 10".
Do you know that's the national average?
I looked that up.
You know what size
shoes I take?
Size nine. Did you know that's the national average?
I looked that up too.
I also looked up the rest of my life.
I'm gonna get married by the time I'm 25,
have 1.9 kids,
move into a two-story house on a street named after a tree.
I live on a street named after a tree.
I just want something different right now.
While my soul still has wings,
I want to fly.
Okay, fine.
You go on your little trip with Shane, okay?
I didn't want you to come to the farm with me anyway.
That's not the point.
I just--
Look, never mind.
I-- I don't want to start fighting again tonight.
We're not fighting.
Well, I gotta study if I want to pass that biology exam tomorrow.
Good plan.
Can I stop and get my books?
Sure.
Just, um,
drop me home on the way, okay?
We are fighting,
aren't we? Please?
Mr. Russell?
Anybody?
Great.
Mr. Russell, you in here?
Huh?
Relax.
It's only a high school.
Hello?
Hey, there, all you high school ghosts.
It's just me.
Alex Grey.
Average student,
5' 10",
size nine shoes.
Just a regular,
average high school student...
here at Hamilton High.
Whoa!
What?
Kiss me, Alex. Mmm.
- I must be dreaming.
- Dream on.
Good morning, students.
Homeroom will begin in five minutes.
Please report to your classes now.
Oh--
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
What did you do
last night?
Grey, what the hell are you doing?
Just, uh, checking my teeth.
I didn't floss this morning.
Better check your brain while you're at it.
Nice dress, fag.
Hi, Mom.
Whoa. Mom?
Mom, I'm fine.
Yeah, listen, Mom--
No, Mom.
Don't get Dad.
Mom, no.
Mom, don't get--
Hi, Dad.
No, Dad-- No, Dad, really.
I'm fine.
What-- What's that?
Oh, the car.
Yes, the car's fine.
No. Listen, Dad,
what happened was we were out late, and, um--
Hey, man, we gotta go.
We gotta fly like a bird.
All right, Shane.
I'm coming.
That was Shane.
That's where I am now-- at Shane's.
Yeah. Okay, so,
I'll bring the car home right after school. Is that okay?
All right, then. Okay.
Bye, bye.
Trouble at home too?
Yeah. Hi.
Uh, nothing serious.
No big deal.
I'm sorry about last night.
I brought you these.
Oh!
Thanks!
Gee, I thought you'd be mad at me.
I don't get mad.
I bake.
Let's not ever fight again, okay? Yeah.
Settle down!
Come on.
Today's inter-school chess club
tournament has been canceled.
Club members are asked to report to
the library and play with themselves.
I'm tellin' you, man.
We could be on a couple Harleys right now...
sailing across the country.
Instead, we're stuck in this stupid library breathing book dust.
Stop.
Go back.
Who's that?
1957.
"Prom Queen Mary Lou Maloney's young life
tragically cut short by fire at Hamilton High."
Nice finish.
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
I-- I got to go to the can.
All right, you zombies,
now sit down and shut up.
I know you all realize the importance of this exam.
It'll determine your grade structure for the rest of the semester.
As if you're gonna make it that far.
But anyway,
we studied all this in class,
so if you can dig your minds out of rock videos and smoking dope,
then maybe this won't be terminal.
But some folks might find it a challenge.
Wouldn't you say, Dr. Grey?
Always up for a challenge, sir.
Hello, Alex.
You wanna write that test...
or what?
What?
Time's up, delinquents.
Are you feeling all right?
Attention girls'
weight lifting team.
A clinic on facial hair removal will be held in the east gym,
and attendance is mandatory.
Alex, wait!
Grey, you're always gonna be second string.
Let's go.
I like your strategy, Alex.
It'd help if they divide the teams evenly.
I mean,
Andrew's got all the best.
- All right! We're gonna get these guys.
- We've got--
Ready, break!
I don't know what we got,
but we're gonna need a miracle.
Alex, can you feel me?
Yes.
What? Nothing.
Let's go.
Hut! Hut!
You can do it, Alex.
All right.
Alex, look out.
Yeah!
You know,
if that'd been a real game,
I'd have kicked your butt.
Oh, lighten up, Mr. President.
Andrew Douglas, report
to the office, please.
Your mother brought your lunch.
Boy, you're lucky this time,
but I'll be seeing you around.
Well, I'll wear cologne.
Tough luck,
Dr. Grey.
Hmm?
What the hell--
Uh, Mr. Walker.
See anything you like?
What is going on here?
That depends.
What do you want?
Young lady,
I don't know what you think you're doing here,
but let me assure you,
you're in a lot of trouble.
How about some of this?
So tasty and hard and firm.
And it just melts in your mouth.
I'd like to know who the heck you think you are.
I'm Alex's new girlfriend,
and you have a bad attitude.
Attention, Mr. Marley's
driver's ed students.
Due to yesterday's car accident,
classes will be canceled until further notice,
and services for Mr.
Marley will be held on Thursday.
Hello?
Mr.
Walker, are you in here?
The poor thing.
He didn't stand a chance.
Hi!
Whoa.
You're real?
Did you miss me?
I can't think of anything but you.
It's like you're everywhere--
in the classroom, on the football field,
in the newspaper.
My prom picture.
I always hated that.
It makes me look fat.
No. No, that was Mary Lou Maloney.
She's dead.
Don't say "dead."
It sounds so final.
Yeah, right. Um--
Listen, have you seen Mr.
Walker anywhere around here?
I wanted to talk to him about a test I wrote.
You mean this one? Excellent!
I thought I flunked this.
You did.
Wait a minute.
That was you on the football field, wasn't it?
And in the locker room.
You did all this for me?
You ain't seen nothin' yet.
Wow. You're the real
Mary Lou Maloney.
In the flesh,
more or less.
This is getting very weird.
Oh, no. It's cool, Alex.
I did it for love.
Oh, no. People saw me come in here,
and they're gonna think I did it.
Not if you hide the body.
I can't do that.
Huh?
Can I?
Okay. All right.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Right.
I just stuffed my dead biology teacher into a cupboard.
This is not a good day.
Okay.
Hidey-ho, buckaroo.
Geez.
Rough day at the office?
What do you mean by that?
I mean,
you take all this school crap too seriously.
It's a joke.
None of us are getting out of here alive.
What?
It's the nuclear age, man.
One bomb-- good-bye.
Shut up, Shane.
When I go,
I want it to be on my parents' white living room rug.
Shut up, Shane.
And I want it to be really messy.
Shut up, Shane.
And I want it to be the maid's day off.
Shut up.
Yoo-hoo!
Doesn't anyone just say hi anymore?
Okay. Hi.
What's this for?
- Go in there. You'll see.
- Leah, I'm really not in the mood for this right now.
Don't be a dork.
Just go.
Surprise!
- Hi.
"Hi"? That's it?
Do you like the sign?
Me and Sarah made it.
It's great, muffin,
but I don't get it.
See?
I told you he didn't know yet.
The bio test.
You got a perfect score.
Congratulations, Alex! Ha, ha.
We're real proud of ya.
- How did you find out?
- Oh, your teacher, Mr. Walker, called.
See, Alex, you'd be surprised
what you can do...
if you really set your mind to it.
We're having all your favorites.
Your dad's doing his specialty.
My world-famous banana splits.
Ta-da
So what happened to you this afternoon?
I waited for almost half an hour.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Something came up.
- Like?
- Nothing important.
Pull over, Alex.
What's wrong?
Just pull over.
Sarah, what are you doing?
You've been looking at your watch all night, Alex.
If you didn't want to be with me,
you just had to say so.
'Course I want to be with you.
Why do you have to be insecure all the time?
I'm not being insecure.
I'm being realistic.
Do you still love me, Alex?
Of course I do.
You never say it anymore.
Sarah, ju--
Just get back in the car.
Thanks, I'd rather walk.
Sarah--
Sarah, don't do this.
Sarah!
That first night
when I met you
I knew things would be fine
I'd have your love
forever
And the last kiss
would be mine
The last kiss
Will be mine
The doctor is in.
Do you think anybody will find him?
Stop worrying about it.
Besides,
who's gonna miss another science teacher?
I think we have to set a few ground rules.
Um, firstly,
you've really gotta stop killing people.
But I did it for us.
That's not the point.
Just--
just don't do it anymore.
Secondly, you've really gotta stop calling my house.
But we're all so proud
of Alex here at Hamilton High.
Stop it!
Look, I'm warning you.
If anybody finds out about us,
it's over. You got that?
You're mad at me,
aren't you?
Well, no,
I guess not, but--
We shouldn't get mad at each other, Alex.
It's not healthy.
Do you love me?
I said,
do you love me?
Yes.
Good.
Andrew! Get over here!
Come on!
Yeah, Coach? Andrew, take a seat.
You're out of here.
What? Yeah, Grey.
Come on. Let's go.
Grey? Yeah.
Okay, Grey.
Do your stuff, buddy.
Come on!
Break!
Holy--
Down! Set! Hut, hut!
Whoo!
Alex! Alex!
Alex! Alex!
So you finally did it, huh?
You sold out...
and joined the rest of these yuppies-in-training.
What?
Look at this.
The honor roll just went up.
Oh, no.
Number one?
That friggin' little jerk
broke into the system.
I will fry his butt and have his teeth for earrings.
Hello.
It's Miss Richards in Guidance.
Very well, thank you.
And you? Lovely.
Could you have Mr.
Walker come to my office right away?
He's not?
Well, where is the fat--
When do you expect him back?
Not at all today?
No. Never mind.
I'll handle this myself.
Thank you. Damn.
Excuse me.
Look at those nails!
That's not a manicure.
That's a massacre.
Somebody help me!
Stop!
Lady, let go of me!
Oh, no.
I think you need the full treatment.
- What's going on? What is this?
- Shh.
Just sit back and enjoy.
Let me out of this thing!
- What's that smell?
- Nothing. Just battery acid.
Battery acid?
Relax.
You're soaking in it.
Order! Yo, shut up!
Thank you.
This is
the inaugural prom,
the first dance since the gym has been reopened.
It should be important!
My idea is that we have Prom Aid...
and raise the money to save the rain forests.
We can decorate the gym with big paper trees and all sort--
Wait a minute.
You're gonna make the trees out of paper?
And we'll print up
a whole bunch of flyers.
Am I the only one that has a problem with this?
- I have a problem.
- I know.
Case closed. Is there
any more old business?
Okay. On to new business.
- I have the cost report for--
- The new business...
is that I've got something that affects the whole school,
and it's really starting to tick me off.
It's the rule that says the football team...
has to let anybody on who wants to play.
But that doesn't include dweebs,
dorks and geeks.
- Well, we won our last game.
- That was a fluke.
I move that we hold tryouts right away.
Who exactly is going to arrange these tryouts?
Coach, of course.
You got a problem with that, geek?
Not really.
Good.
All in favor?
Aye!
What's the matter?
Don't you want to play?
Yeah, but I'd also like to live.
Well, I am not going
to vote on this.
You're an idiot, Andrew.
You really are.
I'm also majority.
Motion passed.
Alex Grey to home ec, please.
Alex Grey,
please come to home ec.
Mary Lou?
Mary Lou.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
Hi, honey.
Welcome home.
I don't want any friggin' pie!
I told you to stop killing people.
Alex, it wasn't a person.
It was a guidance counselor.
Why me? Huh? Why me?
Why are you doing this to me?
Do you want to be average your whole life, Alex?
Yes! Yes!
Right about now,
average would be just great.
Just a nice, normal, average,
everyday guy. That's me.
Mr. Average.
You want average, Alex?
Call Sandra Dee.
Math.
Math-- No, that's-- That's Tuesday.
So, it'll be history first--
No, English, then history.
When's lunch?
Man, did you hear what happened on the football field?
- What did they find?
- Andrew and his gestapo..
cut a bunch of us from the team.
Yeah, that's too bad.
Oh. I had forgotten.
You're a big star now.
What about Leonard and the rest of the geeks?
What are we supposed to do now?
You don't even like football.
I don't know why you went out for the team in the first place.
Where's your head?
I did it for the same reason I took swimming lessons...
and joined Boy Scouts--
because you and I were best friends.
What's wrong with you, man?
Shane, I don't have time for this bull.
Alas, poor Alex.
What a dork!
Sarah, wait.
I just want to talk to you.
You're talking.
Look, you don't understand what's going on.
I understand that you disappear after school every night.
That you won't say where you're going or what you're doing.
I'm trying really hard to hate you, Alex.
But I can't.
You're too important to me, Alex.
Please, won't you tell me what's going on?
I can't. Not yet.
Then I guess we have nothing more to say.
Oh.
I'm very impressed about the honor roll.
I guess you don't have to settle for second string anymore.
Come here, young man.
I want to talk to you.
This just came in the mail today.
Do you have any explanation for that?
Hmm?
Oh, I'm real proud of you, kid.
I knew you could do it if you just dug in.
Huh?
Thanks, Dad.
It-It really wasn't that hard. Trust me.
Oh, you're a chip off the old block.
Okay, ready?
Surprise!
Whoa.
That's for the trip you and Shane want to take next summer.
Oughta get you across the country in one piece.
I just want you to know that I was against this.
Here.
The jacket!
The best part.
Cool.
You're not exactly Elvis.
Hey, get out of here!
Why are you always sneaking around, anyway? Scram!
Hi, Dad.
Alex.
Can I talk to you a minute?
Sure, Dad.
What's up?
Well, probably none of my business,
but, uh,
we invited Sarah over tonight...
for the surprise.
She said she couldn't come.
Sounded pretty upset.
You two fightin'?
Kind of. Well, it's--
Just... you know.
I know what's goin' on.
There's another woman,
isn't there?
Don't worry.
I won't say anything.
Just be careful, that's all.
There's some real man killers out there.
Believe me.
After 20 years of marriage,
I've had plenty of opportunities.
Plenty of them.
I just, uh,
never did anything about it,
that's all.
Those kind of girls,
you just fool around with them once and then they turn on ya.
They rip your heart out,
show it to you,
and then they dance all over it with their spiked heels...
and then ram it down your throat.
Take it easy, Dad.
Must be some fight.
I've never seen you bake so many cookies.
I don't think I've ever been this mad before.
Look, why don't you give Alex a call.
It can't be that bad.
No, I am not giving in this time.
You know what the worst part is?
I am miserable here, baking my face off,
and Alex is probably someplace having the time of his life.
Miss Richards,
you asked me once how far I was willing to go to be successful.
Any more questions?
Hey, butt head.
You talking to me?
Of course I'm talking to you, moron.
What are you doing out here?
What's with the shovel?
Just dropped one of my contact lenses.
Wanted to see if it was out here.
Maybe you lost it during your flashy
little show the other day at the game.
You were moving like a star.
Yeah, well, you know.
There's only one star on this team,
butt head-- the captain, me.
You got that?
Back off.
Just remember what I said.
Stay in your place and everything's gold.
Yeah, and what if I don't?
The price of gold drops.
Is that you, Collins?
Okay. Let's see what you got.
No!
Shut up.
Don't catch the ball.
- Touchdown!
- Oh, no.
Not again. Mary Lou, look,
I know you're doing what you think is best here,
but I can't keep up with you anymore.
I bet you could learn, Daddy-o.
I don't want to learn.
Look, this is it. Forget it.
This is the last stiff.
Why don't you go back to wherever you come from...
and find yourself a nice dead guy and settle down?
But what about our relationship?
What relationship?
You kill them; I bury them in the football field.
Not your basic boy-meets-girl.
What about this?
No, that's it.
It's over.
Alex!
Alex!
Alex! Alex!
Alex!
Women!
Attention Students. Today is
Mrs. Melanoma's last day...
as cafeteria cook.
She's returning to her old job at the Hamilton toxic waste dump.
So let's all wish her good luck.
Excuse me. Oh, come on, Sarah.
You're not still mad at me, are you?
Mad? No.
Hurt, pissed off, furious? Yes.
But no, I'm not mad.
I thought we had a deal.
I thought we weren't gonna fight anymore.
We did.
You broke it.
Sarah.
Alex, get up.
Please?
Please, please, please? If you're not still mad by prom,
I'd like to take you. Please?
Sorry.
Leonard Welsh already asked me.
Leonard Welsh?
Leonard Welsh?
I haven't said yes yet.
Yes!
All right, all right.
Quiet now.
Now, I don't want
any laughing...
or fooling around.
This is a very
serious subject,
and we're all adults here.
So, we can talk openly and freely about...
sex.
So, let's watch the film now,
shall we?
Bertram, lights, please.
Her name doesn't matter.
Let's call her Jane Doe.
She was once alive and vital.
Young, and full of the freshness of beauty.
But now she lies here,
cold and stiff.
Dead.
A victim of social disease.
She was just 18 when she came to the big city.
But her years on the farm hadn't prepared her for...
anything like this.
Pardon me, sir.
I was wondering if you could help me.
I just got off the bus from Memphis,
and I was looking for a place to stay.
Well, little lady,
I'm sure we can find something for you.
For Jane Doe,
it was already...
too late.
She slipped into a nightmare world...
of parties,
liquor and loose morals.
I just love champagne.
And I love you.
And I love you.
And I love you.
And I love you, Alex.
I don't give up that easy.
You're mine,
and I want you back.
Leave me alone!
Back to your seat,
Mr. Grey.
Alex Grey?
Yeah?
I'm Detective Meyer.
This is Detective Kovacs.
You play football with a 17-year-old male Caucasian...
named Andrew Douglas?
Sort of.
1711. Missing persons.
Could have been foul play. Probably drugs.
Have you had contact with him over the last 48 hours?
Contact? Uh--
No, sir.
Uh, Andrew and I,
we weren't really that close.
Enemies?
No, I didn't, uh--
I didn't say "enemies."
I just--
We never, you know,
hung out together.
All right. If you, uh,
hear from him,
just give us a call,
will ya?
Okay.
Hope you find him.
"Enemies."
Write "enemies."
I was wondering--
I was wondering exactly what color your dress was gonna be...
so I would know what style of corsage would best suit you for the prom.
Well, um, Leonard,
I haven't actually decided if I'm even gonna go.
You mean,
you haven't exactly decided if you're going with me.
- No, Leonard.
- That's all right. That's all right.
I assumed you'd feel this way,
and that's why I've made up this proposal,
which is a projected series of events which
would occur on the evening of the prom.
Perhaps it might make your decision process a little easier.
I would pick you up
at 8:15.
There would be seven minutes of dialogue with
your parents-- getting to know me and so forth.
We would leave for the prom at 8:23,
but I've allowed a 10-minute grace period...
in case your parents want to take photos of the event.
And then with the 20-minute drive to the prom,
we would arrive at 8:53.
Which leaves us an extra seven minutes for anything.
If you want gum,
we have seven minutes.
In the case
of a sexual haunting,
exorcism can only occur with the sacrifice of a human soul.
Alex.
Alex.
Alex! Wake up.
Shane's on the phone.
Are... you gonna yell at me again?
Yes.
Get out of here.
It's right this way.
It's right over here.
They were supposed to be re-sodding this whole field.
- Is that Andrew Douglas?
- What's left of him, yeah.
What else have you got?
A teacher. He's all cut up.
And, uh,
I found chunks of food inside of him.
Fruit.
What kind of fruit?
Bananas, cherries-- You know, fruit.
Anything else?
No.
Oh, yeah. Miss Richards.
She's been burnt or something.
That another teacher? Nah.
Just a guidance counselor.
All right.
Wrap 'em up and take 'em to the deli.
School sure has changed since I was a kid.
Why didn't you come to me before?
Maybe we could have stopped this before it went too far.
You know what the really scary part about it is?
I think I've started to like it.
I mean,
I made the honor roll.
I got popular.
I got a motor bike.
And all I had to do was dig a few holes and boff a ghost.
It was easy.
Why don't we leave right now?
Just hit the road and never come back.
We could be in Mexico before anybody even misses us.
What do you say?
Hi. Is my brother here?
Yeah. He's sleepin' out back.
Come on in, Leah.
Mum and Dad are really worried.
Usually, at least,
he calls or something.
Well, Alex is having uh,
some problems.
What kind of problems?
Uh, well,
sometimes people take a little vacation from reality.
You mean,
you think Alex is crazy?
No, not exactly
crazy.
He's kind of more,
uh--
Just a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
You know what I mean?
Poor Alex.
Will you help him, Shane?
Well, I'll try.
You're really growing up,
aren't you, Leah?
You're really a good friend, Shane.
You really have a big heart.
Oh, yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Wanna see it?
What?
Shane!
I told you I don't
give up easy, Alex.
He was my best friend.
Well, he's a rumor now.
You don't need friends.
You don't need family.
All you need to do is love me.
"Family."
See ya later, alligator.
No-o!
The name's Shane Taylor.
Why am I betting he went to Hamilton High?
Are those the parents?
Uh, yeah.
They positive I.D.'d a suspect leaving the house.
Alex Grey.
And he had blood on his hands.
Alex Grey had blood on his hands.
You got Alex Grey's statement?
You're idiots. It's right here.
"Asked about his relationship...
with missing personalities, Grey replied,
'We weren't close friends.'"
He knew he was dead.
He was already using the past tense.
Get a squad car over to his house immediately.
I want him in custody within the hour.
Give me your coat.
Give me your coat!
We don't need to look at this.
- Alex?
- Shh! Go to sleep!
She's gonna freak ya Freak ya Drive you crazy
She knows you're loaded
She wants your babies
L.T.D., should I love him
Leave him or please him
Just skeeze him Thanks I knew you'd agree
This freak has got
a vicious body
But still
I think I'll chill
Write dope rhymes While I count my bills I'll just max,
"B"
They can't tax me I'll give them my digits So they could fax me
A photo
with a two-page description
If I'm impressed I'd give them permission to come to my crib
Stand in the lines,
the ones that I check for the ones with the broad mind
In this era
Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize
And that's terror
American woman
American woman
American woman
Uh, uh, uh,
uh American woman
American woman
American woman
All right.
Kill the lights and the sirens.
I thought it would be a nice idea if we surprised him.
And approach this kid with caution.
He's already killed four people.
And I want him alive.
Although frankly,
I don't know if I'm feeling all that picky tonight.
Alex?
You stay away from my family.
Where are you goin', Alex?
Alex?
Oh, Alex. I want you.
Are you looking for me?
Alex.
Keep walking, Alex.
Alex.
In other news,
Alex Grey announced today...
that he will wed his high school sweetheart,
Mary Lou Maloney...
after a whirlwind courtship that left hundreds of people talking...
and four people dead.
Over to you, Shane.
Okay, Grey.
Open up in there.
Fire!
Freeze!
Stay right there!
School's out, punk.
Alexander Grey,
you are under arrest.
Mom! Dad!
Get out of the house!
Alex!
Mom, no! It wasn't me!
It was Mary Lou Maloney!
I'm gonna get a gun!
You won't
get away with this!
Workers digging on the football field at Hamilton High School...
made a grisly discovery late yesterday afternoon--
A funeral was held today
for Shane Taylor...
the young Hamilton High School student that
was brutally murdered by his best friend.
Alex Grey, the so-called
high school assassin...
made a brief court appearance today,
and was remanded in custody...
to be held without bail until trial.
Experts agree his psychotic killing spree could be the result...
of bad dietary habits, rock and roll lyrics,
and too many horror movies.
Principal Weatherall,
did you have any idea at all that there was something wrong with Alex?
Oh, I certainly did!
Alex Grey was a walking time bomb.
A maniac.
It's a wonder he didn't snap earlier.
I tried to warn people,
but no one would listen.
Will you be canceling the dance here tonight?
Oh, this is not just a dance.
This is the inaugural prom for our new gym.
Now, this is a tragedy,
but it's-it's also an isolated incident.
And I won't allow the actions of a single,
homicidal student...
to ruin the fun of others.
No, at Hamilton High it's prom night.
You've heard
enough about this.
It's not true.
Alex couldn't hurt anybody.
Honey, mental illness is a terrible thing.
It can stay hidden for years and then--
Bang!
Who knows what sets them off?
You remember what happened
to your father.
How about baking some cookies?
If I could just see him!
They won't even let me talk to him.
That nice boy Leonard called again.
He still wants to take you to the prom.
Mom!
I can't go to the prom now!
You have to forget about him and move on.
We'll go downtown right now and get you a new dress.
Maybe Elaine at the salon can fit you in.
Mother!
You're going to the prom, Sarah.
That's an order.
Is anybody out there?
Guess who.
Get away from me. Help!
Oh, no!
Help! Guard!
She's down here!
I can't believe that you're doing this to me.
After all that I'd done for you.
After all you've done for me?
You've ruined my life!
Let's blow this joint.
It only hurts a little.
No!
You want me to die.
What the hell?
It's that little girlfriend of yours,
isn't it?
If I can't have you,
nobody can.
Sarah.
One question.
What?
Why fruit?
Shut up and get in the car.
I don't want it
You know why
Why can you do up my mind
Lord, Lord
You took a shotgun
Blew me away
And in this ecstasy
She said
You know you shook me
All night long
You shook me all day
Shook me till I said
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Do the bump and grind
Yeah, yeah,
yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah
Wow!
This is great!
This is so cool.
Four minutes ahead of schedule.
I got two hours and 17 minutes to socialize--
Leonard? Could I, uh,
see your schedule, please?
This is great! You know,
I'm glad you're finally taking an interest in things.
You know, most girls consider this, well,
kind of cold.
Let's dance.
Then you turn me on And say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Do the bump and grind
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Do the bump and grind
So I guess this would be your first kidnapping, huh?
Shut up, uh, "Larry."
Just drive the car, would you please?
You haven't even told me where we're going yet.
Hamilton High.
I gotta rescue my girlfriend from Mary Lou Maloney.
Women trouble?
She's not a woman.
She's a demon.
Aren't they all?
You're not having a very good time.
That's all right.
I mean, I had another date one time,
and she didn't have a good time either.
Somehow we fell seven minutes behind schedule,
and the whole evening--
Leonard, stop.
It's nothing personal.
If it's any consolation,
I don't think Alex killed those people.
It isn't.
Thank you.
I mean,
Alex isn't stupid enough to bury them in the football field.
I'll be right back.
Oh! Yeah.
Um, I'll be right here.
Oh, good.
Oh, wow!
Awesome.
What a beauty!
Oh. I'm sorry,
I didn't know anyone else was in here.
- I don't believe we've met. I'm--
- Leonard the bookworm.
I think I have a schedule here for you someplace.
Let's see.
"9:00, prom.
"9:15, dancing.
"9:35, go for a walk.
And 10:00, Die."
Time's up.
Ow! Ow, Alex.
It's pinching.
Shut up, Larry.
Come on. Not so tight.
Quit whining.
Get on the radio, man.
We're at Hooper's.
There's a couple incredible blondes here.
You know,
it's gonna make me look like a total jerk.
Yeah, well, life's a drag, isn't it?
- Larry! Come on, man.
If you're not here in ten minutes,
we're not gonna get laid.
Oh, great.
Leonard?
Leonard?
Who are you?
I am the other woman.
Take a break, boys.
All right?
I'm not gonna hurt anybody.
All I wanna know is,
has anybody seen Sarah?
Alex?
Sarah, look out!
Out!
Stop it, Mary Lou!
No more.
No more killing.
Take me. I'll go with you.
Anywhere you want.
But you gotta leave everyone else alone.
- Forever.
- It's a deal, lover.
Alex, don't!
I love you.
Mary Lou.
I'm ready to come with you.
It's not who you come with,
it's who takes you home.
God! Shh!
It's not a real good idea...
to mention His name around here.
Contrary to popular belief,
there is a hell.
And Sarah,
you're standing in it.
- I'm gonna find Alex.
- Alex doesn't need you anymore.
Get away from me, Shane.
Okay. Okay.
Go ahead.
Shoot me. Go ahead.
- No!
- When you have a headache, how do you spell "relief"?
Sarah, let me give you a piece of my mind.
See, best friends are forever.
But girlfriends,
they come and they go.
Sarah.
Don't be such a spoilsport.
It's fun,
once you get used to the smell.
Sarah-- No!
Sarah!
We're getting a little bit rushed, Sarah.
Sarah, listen to me.
I've got to get the car back by 11:30.
Sarah.
Sarah!
It wasn't in the schedule.
Come on, Sarah.
Party's over, boys.
Ow, Sarah!
I'd walk through fire for you.
Sarah!
And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for.
The prom king and queen
for Hamilton High, 1957--
Alex Grey and Mary Lou Maloney!
What do I do?
Just follow me...
and everything will be fine.
Isn't this cool, Alex?
You get to be my king.
I really don't think I'm king material.
Don't worry.
You will be.
And now,
you may kiss the queen.
Get away from my boyfriend,
you witch!
- Everybody back, or you're barbecue!
- Sarah, what are you doing?
Your girlfriend
looks mad, Alex.
I don't get mad.
I bake.
Nobody move, or
this whole place goes up!
Sarah--
Give it up, Sarah!
- He loves me!
- Sarah!
Sarah!
Oh, the crown!
Eat this,
Prom Queen!
Let's get outta here!
Which way do you go?
I thought you knew.
Shane, Shane, no!
Shane, don't do this!
I guess he's not goin' with you to the farm,
after all.
No! No!
He's comin' with me!
Sorry, Shane.
Trip's off.
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
The keys.
Gotta be keys.
Come on. Move it!
How'd you do that?
Drive!
Alex?
Alex?
- Alex?
- Get outta my way!
We're home!
We're home!
We're home!
Oh.
Don't say I never take you anyplace.
We gotta find a phone.
You go first.
My mom can wait.
Okay.
- Do you have a dime?
- What?
The phone. It only takes dimes.
Is that ever weird!
No!
You gotta help her!
She got Sarah!
You win. You hear that,
you bitch? You win!
Los Angeles
Funky tracks
Fu-Funky tracks
Funky
Funky, Funky tracks
Funky tracks
Funky tracks
Fu-Fu-Funky tracks
Funky tracks She's gonna freak ya
Break ya, take ya
Play ya like a fool
That oughta teach ya Nowadays,
the freaks don't play
Always with a tip
When it's p-a-y day
You got trapped by the pretty face Kicked a better bass
But it was not a face In other words,
home boy You got sliced
'Cause American women
are cold like ice
She's gonna freak ya Play you like an amateur Juice ya,
reduce ya
Yeah,
damage ya In this era Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize
on that terror
Terror, terror,
terror American woman
American woman
American woman Yeah,
terror
American woman
American woman
American woman Check it out.
She's gonna freak ya Freak ya And then you're trapped
See a miniskirt and can't turn back Black Fatal Attraction
A cold wind is blowin'
Your zeroes are growin'
And that's why she's gonna
Funk you up, pump you up
She's a hottie Turn around,
she'll Check your body
Yeah,
you better play it wise She's gotta have a brain to go with those eyes
Or she's nothin'
But you try to risk it
She played you
Now you're a statistic
In this era
Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize And that's terror Terror
Spelled with a capital "T" Take heed Take heed
It's gettin' hard to breathe You can't slip aside for a sleep
Stay awake or she'll decapitate Destroy
Dictate Sort of like a snake but more sly
You must be a fool
If you think she won't lie
Take her out wine and dine her 24/7,
she's a '49er
But Jerry Rice, no
But very nice, yo
Better be dope to "F" around with the maestro
You better wait your turn
Can't be done,
Vern In this era Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize And that's terror Terror, terror,
terror
American woman
American woman
Yeah, terror. Know what I'm sayin'?
American woman
American woman
Uh American woman
American woman
American woman
Break it down.
Yeah. Yeah.
I want to see some dope dance steps Know what I'm sayin'
She's gonna freak ya,
freak ya Drive ya crazy She's knows you're loaded
She wants your babies
L.T.D., should I love 'em
Leave 'em or please 'em
Skeeze 'em Thanks I knew you'd agree
This freak has got
a vicious body
But still
I think I'll chill
Write dope rhymes
While I count my bills
I'll just max,
"B" They can't tax me I'll give them my digits
So they could fax me a photo
With a two-page description
If I'm impressed I'd give 'em permission To come to my crib
Stand in the line The ones that I check
for The ones with the broad mind
In this era
Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize
And that's terror
Hey.
Hey!
Hello?
You're not supposed to be down here,
whoever you are.
Dance with me, Jack.
Don't creep up on me like that.
You almost blew a fuse in my pacemaker.
Don't be afraid.
I'm just a lonely girl looking for a dance.
You're not supposed to be down here.
I won't tell if you won't,
Jackie boy.
I haven't heard that name in 30 years.
There was a girl-- Wait a minute.
Who are you?
It's been a long time, Jackie boy.
- Did you miss me?
- It can't be you.
You're dead.
- I watched you die.
- And now I'm going to return the favor.
Mary--
Mama said I'd be a heartbreaker.
Okay, now,
to officially open up the new gym,
I'd like to call upon our principal,
Mr. Weatherall.
As I look around me at this beautiful...
and groovy new gymnasium,
I think this puts to rest...
all those ghosts at Hamilton High.
The strange noises,
the mysterious earth tremors,
the-the vanishing students-- these are all in the past.
Even the sudden and unexplained fire...
which destroyed part of this very gymnasium...
couldn't keep us down.
Look around.
Everything's cool, man.
And so it's an honor--
Thank you.
And so it's an honor...
to officially reopen the gym for our new year...
here at Hamilton High School!
Everybody just stay calm.
Stay in your seats. Everything's all right.
Just relax.
Nothing serious.
All right, all right.
Nobody get excited.
No casualties.
Hit it!
"While our souls still have wings,
'tis our duty to fly."
Robert de Cauchy,
poet.
"You're spending the summer with me,
or else." Sarah Monroe, girlfriend.
Girlfriends come and go, man,
but best friends are forever.
That's why we got to hit the road.
With the rest of the homeless mental patients.
Hi.
Sarah, nice to see you.
You want to help us plan our trip?
What happened to summer at the farm,
you and me getting back to nature?
I haven't really decided yet. I don't know, Alex.
That sounds pretty exciting.
Then why don't you let Alex decide?
Okay, what'll it be?
Freedom and the wide-open road...
or 50 acres of cow pies in the hot sun?
Alex!
Come in. Hi, Miss Richards.
You wanted to see me?
Oh. Yes.
Hello, Adam.
Alex.
I've just been going over your quarterly review.
- Um, I'm passing, aren't I?
- Oh, yes. Passing.
And I suppose that's enough.
It's not as if you're planning to go to medical school, is it?
- It says here you're going to--
- Medical school.
I don't think so. Your average is 71,
and that's not going to cut it.
From what I can see,
you're just not a great student, Adam.
You don't know how to sacrifice yourself for your goal.
- I-I could learn.
- How far are you willing to go to succeed, hmm?
I don't know.
As far as I have to, I guess.
You guess.
Perhaps you need to reevaluate your goals.
There are other options-- building maintenance,
groundskeeping, professional food services.
- You mean, like a cook?
- Not all of us can be doctors, Adam.
The world needs ditchdiggers too.
Have a nice day.
- Hello.
- I'd like that back, please.
What?
I'd like that back.
It was for my boyfriend,
the one who was supposed to be spending the summer with me.
Oh, come on, Sarah.
You know how stubborn Shane is.
Just say no. He's not a drug.
He's my friend.
All right,
all right, all right.
I'll tell him next time I see him.
I promise.
This is great.
I should still take it back.
You probably don't even know what day it is today.
Thursday?
I knew you wouldn't remember our first--
First anniversary.
Yes.
Yes! And...
I have a special surprise for you too.
Oh, do you?
Mm-hmm.
I'll pick you up at 7:00...
for a romantic candlelight dinner.
Um, have you got any more ketchup?
Hmm?
Alex, what's wrong?
You haven't said a word since we left the drive-thru.
Well,
I had a meeting today with Miss Richards.
She told me with my grades,
I should forget about medical school
and start learning how to flip burgers.
What does she know?
She's just a guidance counselor.
I'm tired of being average.
I'm tired of playing second string.
Do you know how tall I am?
5' 10".
Do you know that's the national average?
I looked that up.
You know what size
shoes I take?
Size nine. Did you know that's the national average?
I looked that up too.
I also looked up the rest of my life.
I'm gonna get married by the time I'm 25,
have 1.9 kids,
move into a two-story house on a street named after a tree.
I live on a street named after a tree.
I just want something different right now.
While my soul still has wings,
I want to fly.
Okay, fine.
You go on your little trip with Shane, okay?
I didn't want you to come to the farm with me anyway.
That's not the point.
I just--
Look, never mind.
I-- I don't want to start fighting again tonight.
We're not fighting.
Well, I gotta study if I want to pass that biology exam tomorrow.
Good plan.
Can I stop and get my books?
Sure.
Just, um,
drop me home on the way, okay?
We are fighting,
aren't we? Please?
Mr. Russell?
Anybody?
Great.
Mr. Russell, you in here?
Huh?
Relax.
It's only a high school.
Hello?
Hey, there, all you high school ghosts.
It's just me.
Alex Grey.
Average student,
5' 10",
size nine shoes.
Just a regular,
average high school student...
here at Hamilton High.
Whoa!
What?
Kiss me, Alex. Mmm.
- I must be dreaming.
- Dream on.
Good morning, students.
Homeroom will begin in five minutes.
Please report to your classes now.
Oh--
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
What did you do
last night?
Grey, what the hell are you doing?
Just, uh, checking my teeth.
I didn't floss this morning.
Better check your brain while you're at it.
Nice dress, fag.
Hi, Mom.
Whoa. Mom?
Mom, I'm fine.
Yeah, listen, Mom--
No, Mom.
Don't get Dad.
Mom, no.
Mom, don't get--
Hi, Dad.
No, Dad-- No, Dad, really.
I'm fine.
What-- What's that?
Oh, the car.
Yes, the car's fine.
No. Listen, Dad,
what happened was we were out late, and, um--
Hey, man, we gotta go.
We gotta fly like a bird.
All right, Shane.
I'm coming.
That was Shane.
That's where I am now-- at Shane's.
Yeah. Okay, so,
I'll bring the car home right after school. Is that okay?
All right, then. Okay.
Bye, bye.
Trouble at home too?
Yeah. Hi.
Uh, nothing serious.
No big deal.
I'm sorry about last night.
I brought you these.
Oh!
Thanks!
Gee, I thought you'd be mad at me.
I don't get mad.
I bake.
Let's not ever fight again, okay? Yeah.
Settle down!
Come on.
Today's inter-school chess club
tournament has been canceled.
Club members are asked to report to
the library and play with themselves.
I'm tellin' you, man.
We could be on a couple Harleys right now...
sailing across the country.
Instead, we're stuck in this stupid library breathing book dust.
Stop.
Go back.
Who's that?
1957.
"Prom Queen Mary Lou Maloney's young life
tragically cut short by fire at Hamilton High."
Nice finish.
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
I-- I got to go to the can.
All right, you zombies,
now sit down and shut up.
I know you all realize the importance of this exam.
It'll determine your grade structure for the rest of the semester.
As if you're gonna make it that far.
But anyway,
we studied all this in class,
so if you can dig your minds out of rock videos and smoking dope,
then maybe this won't be terminal.
But some folks might find it a challenge.
Wouldn't you say, Dr. Grey?
Always up for a challenge, sir.
Hello, Alex.
You wanna write that test...
or what?
What?
Time's up, delinquents.
Are you feeling all right?
Attention girls'
weight lifting team.
A clinic on facial hair removal will be held in the east gym,
and attendance is mandatory.
Alex, wait!
Grey, you're always gonna be second string.
Let's go.
I like your strategy, Alex.
It'd help if they divide the teams evenly.
I mean,
Andrew's got all the best.
- All right! We're gonna get these guys.
- We've got--
Ready, break!
I don't know what we got,
but we're gonna need a miracle.
Alex, can you feel me?
Yes.
What? Nothing.
Let's go.
Hut! Hut!
You can do it, Alex.
All right.
Alex, look out.
Yeah!
You know,
if that'd been a real game,
I'd have kicked your butt.
Oh, lighten up, Mr. President.
Andrew Douglas, report
to the office, please.
Your mother brought your lunch.
Boy, you're lucky this time,
but I'll be seeing you around.
Well, I'll wear cologne.
Tough luck,
Dr. Grey.
Hmm?
What the hell--
Uh, Mr. Walker.
See anything you like?
What is going on here?
That depends.
What do you want?
Young lady,
I don't know what you think you're doing here,
but let me assure you,
you're in a lot of trouble.
How about some of this?
So tasty and hard and firm.
And it just melts in your mouth.
I'd like to know who the heck you think you are.
I'm Alex's new girlfriend,
and you have a bad attitude.
Attention, Mr. Marley's
driver's ed students.
Due to yesterday's car accident,
classes will be canceled until further notice,
and services for Mr.
Marley will be held on Thursday.
Hello?
Mr.
Walker, are you in here?
The poor thing.
He didn't stand a chance.
Hi!
Whoa.
You're real?
Did you miss me?
I can't think of anything but you.
It's like you're everywhere--
in the classroom, on the football field,
in the newspaper.
My prom picture.
I always hated that.
It makes me look fat.
No. No, that was Mary Lou Maloney.
She's dead.
Don't say "dead."
It sounds so final.
Yeah, right. Um--
Listen, have you seen Mr.
Walker anywhere around here?
I wanted to talk to him about a test I wrote.
You mean this one? Excellent!
I thought I flunked this.
You did.
Wait a minute.
That was you on the football field, wasn't it?
And in the locker room.
You did all this for me?
You ain't seen nothin' yet.
Wow. You're the real
Mary Lou Maloney.
In the flesh,
more or less.
This is getting very weird.
Oh, no. It's cool, Alex.
I did it for love.
Oh, no. People saw me come in here,
and they're gonna think I did it.
Not if you hide the body.
I can't do that.
Huh?
Can I?
Okay. All right.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Right.
I just stuffed my dead biology teacher into a cupboard.
This is not a good day.
Okay.
Hidey-ho, buckaroo.
Geez.
Rough day at the office?
What do you mean by that?
I mean,
you take all this school crap too seriously.
It's a joke.
None of us are getting out of here alive.
What?
It's the nuclear age, man.
One bomb-- good-bye.
Shut up, Shane.
When I go,
I want it to be on my parents' white living room rug.
Shut up, Shane.
And I want it to be really messy.
Shut up, Shane.
And I want it to be the maid's day off.
Shut up.
Yoo-hoo!
Doesn't anyone just say hi anymore?
Okay. Hi.
What's this for?
- Go in there. You'll see.
- Leah, I'm really not in the mood for this right now.
Don't be a dork.
Just go.
Surprise!
- Hi.
"Hi"? That's it?
Do you like the sign?
Me and Sarah made it.
It's great, muffin,
but I don't get it.
See?
I told you he didn't know yet.
The bio test.
You got a perfect score.
Congratulations, Alex! Ha, ha.
We're real proud of ya.
- How did you find out?
- Oh, your teacher, Mr. Walker, called.
See, Alex, you'd be surprised
what you can do...
if you really set your mind to it.
We're having all your favorites.
Your dad's doing his specialty.
My world-famous banana splits.
Ta-da
So what happened to you this afternoon?
I waited for almost half an hour.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Something came up.
- Like?
- Nothing important.
Pull over, Alex.
What's wrong?
Just pull over.
Sarah, what are you doing?
You've been looking at your watch all night, Alex.
If you didn't want to be with me,
you just had to say so.
'Course I want to be with you.
Why do you have to be insecure all the time?
I'm not being insecure.
I'm being realistic.
Do you still love me, Alex?
Of course I do.
You never say it anymore.
Sarah, ju--
Just get back in the car.
Thanks, I'd rather walk.
Sarah--
Sarah, don't do this.
Sarah!
That first night
when I met you
I knew things would be fine
I'd have your love
forever
And the last kiss
would be mine
The last kiss
Will be mine
The doctor is in.
Do you think anybody will find him?
Stop worrying about it.
Besides,
who's gonna miss another science teacher?
I think we have to set a few ground rules.
Um, firstly,
you've really gotta stop killing people.
But I did it for us.
That's not the point.
Just--
just don't do it anymore.
Secondly, you've really gotta stop calling my house.
But we're all so proud
of Alex here at Hamilton High.
Stop it!
Look, I'm warning you.
If anybody finds out about us,
it's over. You got that?
You're mad at me,
aren't you?
Well, no,
I guess not, but--
We shouldn't get mad at each other, Alex.
It's not healthy.
Do you love me?
I said,
do you love me?
Yes.
Good.
Andrew! Get over here!
Come on!
Yeah, Coach? Andrew, take a seat.
You're out of here.
What? Yeah, Grey.
Come on. Let's go.
Grey? Yeah.
Okay, Grey.
Do your stuff, buddy.
Come on!
Break!
Holy--
Down! Set! Hut, hut!
Whoo!
Alex! Alex!
Alex! Alex!
So you finally did it, huh?
You sold out...
and joined the rest of these yuppies-in-training.
What?
Look at this.
The honor roll just went up.
Oh, no.
Number one?
That friggin' little jerk
broke into the system.
I will fry his butt and have his teeth for earrings.
Hello.
It's Miss Richards in Guidance.
Very well, thank you.
And you? Lovely.
Could you have Mr.
Walker come to my office right away?
He's not?
Well, where is the fat--
When do you expect him back?
Not at all today?
No. Never mind.
I'll handle this myself.
Thank you. Damn.
Excuse me.
Look at those nails!
That's not a manicure.
That's a massacre.
Somebody help me!
Stop!
Lady, let go of me!
Oh, no.
I think you need the full treatment.
- What's going on? What is this?
- Shh.
Just sit back and enjoy.
Let me out of this thing!
- What's that smell?
- Nothing. Just battery acid.
Battery acid?
Relax.
You're soaking in it.
Order! Yo, shut up!
Thank you.
This is
the inaugural prom,
the first dance since the gym has been reopened.
It should be important!
My idea is that we have Prom Aid...
and raise the money to save the rain forests.
We can decorate the gym with big paper trees and all sort--
Wait a minute.
You're gonna make the trees out of paper?
And we'll print up
a whole bunch of flyers.
Am I the only one that has a problem with this?
- I have a problem.
- I know.
Case closed. Is there
any more old business?
Okay. On to new business.
- I have the cost report for--
- The new business...
is that I've got something that affects the whole school,
and it's really starting to tick me off.
It's the rule that says the football team...
has to let anybody on who wants to play.
But that doesn't include dweebs,
dorks and geeks.
- Well, we won our last game.
- That was a fluke.
I move that we hold tryouts right away.
Who exactly is going to arrange these tryouts?
Coach, of course.
You got a problem with that, geek?
Not really.
Good.
All in favor?
Aye!
What's the matter?
Don't you want to play?
Yeah, but I'd also like to live.
Well, I am not going
to vote on this.
You're an idiot, Andrew.
You really are.
I'm also majority.
Motion passed.
Alex Grey to home ec, please.
Alex Grey,
please come to home ec.
Mary Lou?
Mary Lou.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
Hi, honey.
Welcome home.
I don't want any friggin' pie!
I told you to stop killing people.
Alex, it wasn't a person.
It was a guidance counselor.
Why me? Huh? Why me?
Why are you doing this to me?
Do you want to be average your whole life, Alex?
Yes! Yes!
Right about now,
average would be just great.
Just a nice, normal, average,
everyday guy. That's me.
Mr. Average.
You want average, Alex?
Call Sandra Dee.
Math.
Math-- No, that's-- That's Tuesday.
So, it'll be history first--
No, English, then history.
When's lunch?
Man, did you hear what happened on the football field?
- What did they find?
- Andrew and his gestapo..
cut a bunch of us from the team.
Yeah, that's too bad.
Oh. I had forgotten.
You're a big star now.
What about Leonard and the rest of the geeks?
What are we supposed to do now?
You don't even like football.
I don't know why you went out for the team in the first place.
Where's your head?
I did it for the same reason I took swimming lessons...
and joined Boy Scouts--
because you and I were best friends.
What's wrong with you, man?
Shane, I don't have time for this bull.
Alas, poor Alex.
What a dork!
Sarah, wait.
I just want to talk to you.
You're talking.
Look, you don't understand what's going on.
I understand that you disappear after school every night.
That you won't say where you're going or what you're doing.
I'm trying really hard to hate you, Alex.
But I can't.
You're too important to me, Alex.
Please, won't you tell me what's going on?
I can't. Not yet.
Then I guess we have nothing more to say.
Oh.
I'm very impressed about the honor roll.
I guess you don't have to settle for second string anymore.
Come here, young man.
I want to talk to you.
This just came in the mail today.
Do you have any explanation for that?
Hmm?
Oh, I'm real proud of you, kid.
I knew you could do it if you just dug in.
Huh?
Thanks, Dad.
It-It really wasn't that hard. Trust me.
Oh, you're a chip off the old block.
Okay, ready?
Surprise!
Whoa.
That's for the trip you and Shane want to take next summer.
Oughta get you across the country in one piece.
I just want you to know that I was against this.
Here.
The jacket!
The best part.
Cool.
You're not exactly Elvis.
Hey, get out of here!
Why are you always sneaking around, anyway? Scram!
Hi, Dad.
Alex.
Can I talk to you a minute?
Sure, Dad.
What's up?
Well, probably none of my business,
but, uh,
we invited Sarah over tonight...
for the surprise.
She said she couldn't come.
Sounded pretty upset.
You two fightin'?
Kind of. Well, it's--
Just... you know.
I know what's goin' on.
There's another woman,
isn't there?
Don't worry.
I won't say anything.
Just be careful, that's all.
There's some real man killers out there.
Believe me.
After 20 years of marriage,
I've had plenty of opportunities.
Plenty of them.
I just, uh,
never did anything about it,
that's all.
Those kind of girls,
you just fool around with them once and then they turn on ya.
They rip your heart out,
show it to you,
and then they dance all over it with their spiked heels...
and then ram it down your throat.
Take it easy, Dad.
Must be some fight.
I've never seen you bake so many cookies.
I don't think I've ever been this mad before.
Look, why don't you give Alex a call.
It can't be that bad.
No, I am not giving in this time.
You know what the worst part is?
I am miserable here, baking my face off,
and Alex is probably someplace having the time of his life.
Miss Richards,
you asked me once how far I was willing to go to be successful.
Any more questions?
Hey, butt head.
You talking to me?
Of course I'm talking to you, moron.
What are you doing out here?
What's with the shovel?
Just dropped one of my contact lenses.
Wanted to see if it was out here.
Maybe you lost it during your flashy
little show the other day at the game.
You were moving like a star.
Yeah, well, you know.
There's only one star on this team,
butt head-- the captain, me.
You got that?
Back off.
Just remember what I said.
Stay in your place and everything's gold.
Yeah, and what if I don't?
The price of gold drops.
Is that you, Collins?
Okay. Let's see what you got.
No!
Shut up.
Don't catch the ball.
- Touchdown!
- Oh, no.
Not again. Mary Lou, look,
I know you're doing what you think is best here,
but I can't keep up with you anymore.
I bet you could learn, Daddy-o.
I don't want to learn.
Look, this is it. Forget it.
This is the last stiff.
Why don't you go back to wherever you come from...
and find yourself a nice dead guy and settle down?
But what about our relationship?
What relationship?
You kill them; I bury them in the football field.
Not your basic boy-meets-girl.
What about this?
No, that's it.
It's over.
Alex!
Alex!
Alex! Alex!
Alex!
Women!
Attention Students. Today is
Mrs. Melanoma's last day...
as cafeteria cook.
She's returning to her old job at the Hamilton toxic waste dump.
So let's all wish her good luck.
Excuse me. Oh, come on, Sarah.
You're not still mad at me, are you?
Mad? No.
Hurt, pissed off, furious? Yes.
But no, I'm not mad.
I thought we had a deal.
I thought we weren't gonna fight anymore.
We did.
You broke it.
Sarah.
Alex, get up.
Please?
Please, please, please? If you're not still mad by prom,
I'd like to take you. Please?
Sorry.
Leonard Welsh already asked me.
Leonard Welsh?
Leonard Welsh?
I haven't said yes yet.
Yes!
All right, all right.
Quiet now.
Now, I don't want
any laughing...
or fooling around.
This is a very
serious subject,
and we're all adults here.
So, we can talk openly and freely about...
sex.
So, let's watch the film now,
shall we?
Bertram, lights, please.
Her name doesn't matter.
Let's call her Jane Doe.
She was once alive and vital.
Young, and full of the freshness of beauty.
But now she lies here,
cold and stiff.
Dead.
A victim of social disease.
She was just 18 when she came to the big city.
But her years on the farm hadn't prepared her for...
anything like this.
Pardon me, sir.
I was wondering if you could help me.
I just got off the bus from Memphis,
and I was looking for a place to stay.
Well, little lady,
I'm sure we can find something for you.
For Jane Doe,
it was already...
too late.
She slipped into a nightmare world...
of parties,
liquor and loose morals.
I just love champagne.
And I love you.
And I love you.
And I love you.
And I love you, Alex.
I don't give up that easy.
You're mine,
and I want you back.
Leave me alone!
Back to your seat,
Mr. Grey.
Alex Grey?
Yeah?
I'm Detective Meyer.
This is Detective Kovacs.
You play football with a 17-year-old male Caucasian...
named Andrew Douglas?
Sort of.
1711. Missing persons.
Could have been foul play. Probably drugs.
Have you had contact with him over the last 48 hours?
Contact? Uh--
No, sir.
Uh, Andrew and I,
we weren't really that close.
Enemies?
No, I didn't, uh--
I didn't say "enemies."
I just--
We never, you know,
hung out together.
All right. If you, uh,
hear from him,
just give us a call,
will ya?
Okay.
Hope you find him.
"Enemies."
Write "enemies."
I was wondering--
I was wondering exactly what color your dress was gonna be...
so I would know what style of corsage would best suit you for the prom.
Well, um, Leonard,
I haven't actually decided if I'm even gonna go.
You mean,
you haven't exactly decided if you're going with me.
- No, Leonard.
- That's all right. That's all right.
I assumed you'd feel this way,
and that's why I've made up this proposal,
which is a projected series of events which
would occur on the evening of the prom.
Perhaps it might make your decision process a little easier.
I would pick you up
at 8:15.
There would be seven minutes of dialogue with
your parents-- getting to know me and so forth.
We would leave for the prom at 8:23,
but I've allowed a 10-minute grace period...
in case your parents want to take photos of the event.
And then with the 20-minute drive to the prom,
we would arrive at 8:53.
Which leaves us an extra seven minutes for anything.
If you want gum,
we have seven minutes.
In the case
of a sexual haunting,
exorcism can only occur with the sacrifice of a human soul.
Alex.
Alex.
Alex! Wake up.
Shane's on the phone.
Are... you gonna yell at me again?
Yes.
Get out of here.
It's right this way.
It's right over here.
They were supposed to be re-sodding this whole field.
- Is that Andrew Douglas?
- What's left of him, yeah.
What else have you got?
A teacher. He's all cut up.
And, uh,
I found chunks of food inside of him.
Fruit.
What kind of fruit?
Bananas, cherries-- You know, fruit.
Anything else?
No.
Oh, yeah. Miss Richards.
She's been burnt or something.
That another teacher? Nah.
Just a guidance counselor.
All right.
Wrap 'em up and take 'em to the deli.
School sure has changed since I was a kid.
Why didn't you come to me before?
Maybe we could have stopped this before it went too far.
You know what the really scary part about it is?
I think I've started to like it.
I mean,
I made the honor roll.
I got popular.
I got a motor bike.
And all I had to do was dig a few holes and boff a ghost.
It was easy.
Why don't we leave right now?
Just hit the road and never come back.
We could be in Mexico before anybody even misses us.
What do you say?
Hi. Is my brother here?
Yeah. He's sleepin' out back.
Come on in, Leah.
Mum and Dad are really worried.
Usually, at least,
he calls or something.
Well, Alex is having uh,
some problems.
What kind of problems?
Uh, well,
sometimes people take a little vacation from reality.
You mean,
you think Alex is crazy?
No, not exactly
crazy.
He's kind of more,
uh--
Just a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
You know what I mean?
Poor Alex.
Will you help him, Shane?
Well, I'll try.
You're really growing up,
aren't you, Leah?
You're really a good friend, Shane.
You really have a big heart.
Oh, yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Wanna see it?
What?
Shane!
I told you I don't
give up easy, Alex.
He was my best friend.
Well, he's a rumor now.
You don't need friends.
You don't need family.
All you need to do is love me.
"Family."
See ya later, alligator.
No-o!
The name's Shane Taylor.
Why am I betting he went to Hamilton High?
Are those the parents?
Uh, yeah.
They positive I.D.'d a suspect leaving the house.
Alex Grey.
And he had blood on his hands.
Alex Grey had blood on his hands.
You got Alex Grey's statement?
You're idiots. It's right here.
"Asked about his relationship...
with missing personalities, Grey replied,
'We weren't close friends.'"
He knew he was dead.
He was already using the past tense.
Get a squad car over to his house immediately.
I want him in custody within the hour.
Give me your coat.
Give me your coat!
We don't need to look at this.
- Alex?
- Shh! Go to sleep!
She's gonna freak ya Freak ya Drive you crazy
She knows you're loaded
She wants your babies
L.T.D., should I love him
Leave him or please him
Just skeeze him Thanks I knew you'd agree
This freak has got
a vicious body
But still
I think I'll chill
Write dope rhymes While I count my bills I'll just max,
"B"
They can't tax me I'll give them my digits So they could fax me
A photo
with a two-page description
If I'm impressed I'd give them permission to come to my crib
Stand in the lines,
the ones that I check for the ones with the broad mind
In this era
Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize
And that's terror
American woman
American woman
American woman
Uh, uh, uh,
uh American woman
American woman
American woman
All right.
Kill the lights and the sirens.
I thought it would be a nice idea if we surprised him.
And approach this kid with caution.
He's already killed four people.
And I want him alive.
Although frankly,
I don't know if I'm feeling all that picky tonight.
Alex?
You stay away from my family.
Where are you goin', Alex?
Alex?
Oh, Alex. I want you.
Are you looking for me?
Alex.
Keep walking, Alex.
Alex.
In other news,
Alex Grey announced today...
that he will wed his high school sweetheart,
Mary Lou Maloney...
after a whirlwind courtship that left hundreds of people talking...
and four people dead.
Over to you, Shane.
Okay, Grey.
Open up in there.
Fire!
Freeze!
Stay right there!
School's out, punk.
Alexander Grey,
you are under arrest.
Mom! Dad!
Get out of the house!
Alex!
Mom, no! It wasn't me!
It was Mary Lou Maloney!
I'm gonna get a gun!
You won't
get away with this!
Workers digging on the football field at Hamilton High School...
made a grisly discovery late yesterday afternoon--
A funeral was held today
for Shane Taylor...
the young Hamilton High School student that
was brutally murdered by his best friend.
Alex Grey, the so-called
high school assassin...
made a brief court appearance today,
and was remanded in custody...
to be held without bail until trial.
Experts agree his psychotic killing spree could be the result...
of bad dietary habits, rock and roll lyrics,
and too many horror movies.
Principal Weatherall,
did you have any idea at all that there was something wrong with Alex?
Oh, I certainly did!
Alex Grey was a walking time bomb.
A maniac.
It's a wonder he didn't snap earlier.
I tried to warn people,
but no one would listen.
Will you be canceling the dance here tonight?
Oh, this is not just a dance.
This is the inaugural prom for our new gym.
Now, this is a tragedy,
but it's-it's also an isolated incident.
And I won't allow the actions of a single,
homicidal student...
to ruin the fun of others.
No, at Hamilton High it's prom night.
You've heard
enough about this.
It's not true.
Alex couldn't hurt anybody.
Honey, mental illness is a terrible thing.
It can stay hidden for years and then--
Bang!
Who knows what sets them off?
You remember what happened
to your father.
How about baking some cookies?
If I could just see him!
They won't even let me talk to him.
That nice boy Leonard called again.
He still wants to take you to the prom.
Mom!
I can't go to the prom now!
You have to forget about him and move on.
We'll go downtown right now and get you a new dress.
Maybe Elaine at the salon can fit you in.
Mother!
You're going to the prom, Sarah.
That's an order.
Is anybody out there?
Guess who.
Get away from me. Help!
Oh, no!
Help! Guard!
She's down here!
I can't believe that you're doing this to me.
After all that I'd done for you.
After all you've done for me?
You've ruined my life!
Let's blow this joint.
It only hurts a little.
No!
You want me to die.
What the hell?
It's that little girlfriend of yours,
isn't it?
If I can't have you,
nobody can.
Sarah.
One question.
What?
Why fruit?
Shut up and get in the car.
I don't want it
You know why
Why can you do up my mind
Lord, Lord
You took a shotgun
Blew me away
And in this ecstasy
She said
You know you shook me
All night long
You shook me all day
Shook me till I said
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Do the bump and grind
Yeah, yeah,
yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah
Wow!
This is great!
This is so cool.
Four minutes ahead of schedule.
I got two hours and 17 minutes to socialize--
Leonard? Could I, uh,
see your schedule, please?
This is great! You know,
I'm glad you're finally taking an interest in things.
You know, most girls consider this, well,
kind of cold.
Let's dance.
Then you turn me on And say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Do the bump and grind
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Do the bump and grind
So I guess this would be your first kidnapping, huh?
Shut up, uh, "Larry."
Just drive the car, would you please?
You haven't even told me where we're going yet.
Hamilton High.
I gotta rescue my girlfriend from Mary Lou Maloney.
Women trouble?
She's not a woman.
She's a demon.
Aren't they all?
You're not having a very good time.
That's all right.
I mean, I had another date one time,
and she didn't have a good time either.
Somehow we fell seven minutes behind schedule,
and the whole evening--
Leonard, stop.
It's nothing personal.
If it's any consolation,
I don't think Alex killed those people.
It isn't.
Thank you.
I mean,
Alex isn't stupid enough to bury them in the football field.
I'll be right back.
Oh! Yeah.
Um, I'll be right here.
Oh, good.
Oh, wow!
Awesome.
What a beauty!
Oh. I'm sorry,
I didn't know anyone else was in here.
- I don't believe we've met. I'm--
- Leonard the bookworm.
I think I have a schedule here for you someplace.
Let's see.
"9:00, prom.
"9:15, dancing.
"9:35, go for a walk.
And 10:00, Die."
Time's up.
Ow! Ow, Alex.
It's pinching.
Shut up, Larry.
Come on. Not so tight.
Quit whining.
Get on the radio, man.
We're at Hooper's.
There's a couple incredible blondes here.
You know,
it's gonna make me look like a total jerk.
Yeah, well, life's a drag, isn't it?
- Larry! Come on, man.
If you're not here in ten minutes,
we're not gonna get laid.
Oh, great.
Leonard?
Leonard?
Who are you?
I am the other woman.
Take a break, boys.
All right?
I'm not gonna hurt anybody.
All I wanna know is,
has anybody seen Sarah?
Alex?
Sarah, look out!
Out!
Stop it, Mary Lou!
No more.
No more killing.
Take me. I'll go with you.
Anywhere you want.
But you gotta leave everyone else alone.
- Forever.
- It's a deal, lover.
Alex, don't!
I love you.
Mary Lou.
I'm ready to come with you.
It's not who you come with,
it's who takes you home.
God! Shh!
It's not a real good idea...
to mention His name around here.
Contrary to popular belief,
there is a hell.
And Sarah,
you're standing in it.
- I'm gonna find Alex.
- Alex doesn't need you anymore.
Get away from me, Shane.
Okay. Okay.
Go ahead.
Shoot me. Go ahead.
- No!
- When you have a headache, how do you spell "relief"?
Sarah, let me give you a piece of my mind.
See, best friends are forever.
But girlfriends,
they come and they go.
Sarah.
Don't be such a spoilsport.
It's fun,
once you get used to the smell.
Sarah-- No!
Sarah!
We're getting a little bit rushed, Sarah.
Sarah, listen to me.
I've got to get the car back by 11:30.
Sarah.
Sarah!
It wasn't in the schedule.
Come on, Sarah.
Party's over, boys.
Ow, Sarah!
I'd walk through fire for you.
Sarah!
And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for.
The prom king and queen
for Hamilton High, 1957--
Alex Grey and Mary Lou Maloney!
What do I do?
Just follow me...
and everything will be fine.
Isn't this cool, Alex?
You get to be my king.
I really don't think I'm king material.
Don't worry.
You will be.
And now,
you may kiss the queen.
Get away from my boyfriend,
you witch!
- Everybody back, or you're barbecue!
- Sarah, what are you doing?
Your girlfriend
looks mad, Alex.
I don't get mad.
I bake.
Nobody move, or
this whole place goes up!
Sarah--
Give it up, Sarah!
- He loves me!
- Sarah!
Sarah!
Oh, the crown!
Eat this,
Prom Queen!
Let's get outta here!
Which way do you go?
I thought you knew.
Shane, Shane, no!
Shane, don't do this!
I guess he's not goin' with you to the farm,
after all.
No! No!
He's comin' with me!
Sorry, Shane.
Trip's off.
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
The keys.
Gotta be keys.
Come on. Move it!
How'd you do that?
Drive!
Alex?
Alex?
- Alex?
- Get outta my way!
We're home!
We're home!
We're home!
Oh.
Don't say I never take you anyplace.
We gotta find a phone.
You go first.
My mom can wait.
Okay.
- Do you have a dime?
- What?
The phone. It only takes dimes.
Is that ever weird!
No!
You gotta help her!
She got Sarah!
You win. You hear that,
you bitch? You win!
Los Angeles
Funky tracks
Fu-Funky tracks
Funky
Funky, Funky tracks
Funky tracks
Funky tracks
Fu-Fu-Funky tracks
Funky tracks She's gonna freak ya
Break ya, take ya
Play ya like a fool
That oughta teach ya Nowadays,
the freaks don't play
Always with a tip
When it's p-a-y day
You got trapped by the pretty face Kicked a better bass
But it was not a face In other words,
home boy You got sliced
'Cause American women
are cold like ice
She's gonna freak ya Play you like an amateur Juice ya,
reduce ya
Yeah,
damage ya In this era Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize
on that terror
Terror, terror,
terror American woman
American woman
American woman Yeah,
terror
American woman
American woman
American woman Check it out.
She's gonna freak ya Freak ya And then you're trapped
See a miniskirt and can't turn back Black Fatal Attraction
A cold wind is blowin'
Your zeroes are growin'
And that's why she's gonna
Funk you up, pump you up
She's a hottie Turn around,
she'll Check your body
Yeah,
you better play it wise She's gotta have a brain to go with those eyes
Or she's nothin'
But you try to risk it
She played you
Now you're a statistic
In this era
Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize And that's terror Terror
Spelled with a capital "T" Take heed Take heed
It's gettin' hard to breathe You can't slip aside for a sleep
Stay awake or she'll decapitate Destroy
Dictate Sort of like a snake but more sly
You must be a fool
If you think she won't lie
Take her out wine and dine her 24/7,
she's a '49er
But Jerry Rice, no
But very nice, yo
Better be dope to "F" around with the maestro
You better wait your turn
Can't be done,
Vern In this era Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize And that's terror Terror, terror,
terror
American woman
American woman
Yeah, terror. Know what I'm sayin'?
American woman
American woman
Uh American woman
American woman
American woman
Break it down.
Yeah. Yeah.
I want to see some dope dance steps Know what I'm sayin'
She's gonna freak ya,
freak ya Drive ya crazy She's knows you're loaded
She wants your babies
L.T.D., should I love 'em
Leave 'em or please 'em
Skeeze 'em Thanks I knew you'd agree
This freak has got
a vicious body
But still
I think I'll chill
Write dope rhymes
While I count my bills
I'll just max,
"B" They can't tax me I'll give them my digits
So they could fax me a photo
With a two-page description
If I'm impressed I'd give 'em permission To come to my crib
Stand in the line The ones that I check
for The ones with the broad mind
In this era
Never make a error
Or she'll capitalize
And that's terror