Psych 2: Lassie Come Home (2020) Movie Script

Yes, Carlton?
There's something I gotta know...
and I don't want you
to spare my feelings.
I can handle the truth.
Okay, son. You have my word.
What's on your mind?
When I grow up, will I be able
to grow a beard like that?
You're a Lassiter.
And Lassiter men have been growing
legendary face wigs for generations.
It's a king's beard,
born in your blood...
perfected through centuries.
But never forget, it's not the beard
that makes the king.
I know. It's the queen.
That's right, son.
We're almost there.
Dad? Dad, where are you?
Don't leave me!
This is Chief Lassiter. Shots fired.
I am down.
I have been ambushed and shot.
Multiple times.
I need back-up. Immediately.
Hold it.
Please. I have a family.
Carlton. Do you even remember
why you're here?
Think, son. Think.
We have an officer down.
All units respond.
I think it's a...
Situation critical.
Suspect still at large.
Approach with extreme caution.
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
What is wrong with you two?
Check it out.
What is that?
That is a gift for you.
Meet Morrissey, the rescue dog.
Here to rescue you
from your own handsomeness.
- That dog is Chief Vick's.
- He was.
He kept biting her daughter.
Affection gnawing
is what the vet called it.
He called it rabies, Shawn.
Either way, the Chief, Gus, and I
have come to a little agreement.
She set him loose in my office
and sped away in her car.
Then you called us
to come down here...
and the whole thing
just felt like a win-win.
That dog is eating my foot.
- Morrissey.
- Stop it.
Excuse me. Carlton,
I didn't realize you had visitors.
Sorry. No pets.
Pets? I'm sorry, I...
That's Morrissey.
He's a therapy dog.
Does he have a vest?
He does. Though he prefers
to call it a waistcoat.
I think
you'll find it all checks out.
This is an old Theraflu t-shirt...
with tape over the "flu"
and "P-Y" in Sharpie.
You're good.
One point for you, Delores.
My name is Shawn Spencer, and
this is my partner, Bill Poopingtons.
- No. Shawn? Sidebar.
- What? Alright.
Carlton, what is happening right now?
- Let it go.
- Yes.
Bill Poopingtons?
What kind of nickname is that?
Transylvania Dutch. Why?
No, Shawn.
No more embarrassing nicknames.
Especially in front
of peers and professionals.
Gus, don't be the night your dad
fell asleep inside your mom.
You can't just stop doing bits
we've been doing for ten years.
We have fans. They have expectations.
There will be a huge backlash.
Shawn, we are two dumbasses.
We do not have fans.
From now on, I do the nicknames.
No. Absolutely not.
That's disgusting.
You have right of refusal
until we land on one you like.
It's a band-aid, but okay. For now.
- Sure.
- I'm terribly sorry, Delores.
What I meant to say was...
My name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my full-fledged partner,
- Accepted. Hello.
- Alright.
Could you fellas
take a little walk with me?
Lassie, is that what I think it is?
Guys, I love animals.
But I'm sure you know...
what a prestigious place
the Herschel House is.
We do. But let me just say...
although the dog
is not fully certified...
and ate one of the two gas pedals
in our car on the way down here...
- Two what?
- We had hoped that...
this visit alone would start to
help Carlton heal his tangled memory.
He's a tough man with the thick skin
of a Northern White Rhino...
but the heart
of a smaller, less white rhino.
I know. And you're right.
It's Burton. But...
you can call me "Your Majesty"
or whatever you'd like. Delores.
Your Majesty,
I am gonna kick myself...
for falling prey to a dapper,
smooth talking devil's food cookie...
with a perfect cranium. But...
I'll make the exception.
Dapper? Smooth talking?
That doesn't sound right.
Mr. Wilkerson, beautiful day.
Okay. Dog stays.
But he's on a very short leash.
And in exchange, you guys can tell me
why you're really here.
- Damn, she's good. Alright.
- Yeah.
Lassie called us last night.
He's seeing things.
- Ghosts. But probably ghosts.
- Not necessarily ghosts.
Look, there's a lot of strange stuff
going on around here.
Eerie voices in pipes...
bodies being dragged out
into the woods at night...
- black Jello...
- We're checking to see...
if this joint was built on
an Indian Burial ground.
It was built on an old Kmart.
And he's never mentioned
a word of this to me.
That's because
he doesn't want anyone to know.
We've sworn silence.
Shawn can't tell his wife.
My girlfriend thinks
I'm working a double shift.
I can't even take her calls.
You can't take her calls
because you downloaded a rogue app...
that changes all of your emojis
into little Jamaicans.
Seventeen viruses.
- I see. So, you have a girlfriend.
- I do.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I only said black Jello...
because that was Gus' nickname
in our adult dodgeball league.
And Lassie's terrified
that he's going crazy.
Anyone finds out,
it could cost him his job...
his dignity, maybe even his family.
Carlton doesn't even remember why
he went to that abandoned building.
His only recollection of his shooter
is a silhouette...
he's on nine different medications...
and, as you both know, he suffered
a massive stroke during surgery.
So, of course he's seeing things.
But feeding into these fantasies...
is the least helpful thing
you can do right now, okay?
Now, I know...
this goofy little white guy,
sexy black dude routine...
the two of you have going
like the back of my scrubs.
But you really want to help?
Just be the grown men that you are.
Okay, what is going on here?
What? Delores?
Yeah, the nurse from Color Of Night
fawning all over you.
I don't know. Maybe she's attractive.
But Shawn, I'm with Selene now.
I can't keep track of every shorty
that wants what they can't have.
Where the hell have you two been?
Sorry, Lassie.
We were on our way up the stairs...
when Gus spotted a Jamba
right across the street.
We made it happen. Where's the dog?
He jumped out the window
the second you walked out the door.
Took my Jello,
ran straight into the woods.
That makes sense.
He is a hunter-gatherer
of the highest order.
That wasn't the last Jello, though,
was it?
Doesn't matter.
We don't need the dog.
Lassie, I'm gonna cut to the chase.
It's gonna be a hard pass for us.
We simply cannot
keep lying to our ladies
to cover up
your spooky ghost sightings
okay? It's too hard.
They know each other.
We're grown men with real pubes.
Let me give you a visual.
You remember
Eddie Murphy's mustache in Raw?
That's what Gus has going on
right over the twig.
Now, look. Whatever you think
you're seeing, it's up here.
You've been through a lot.
And hospitals are creepy,
even super luxurious ones.
Trust me on this, man.
You're just really high.
Shawn? What's in that dog's mouth?
Gus, please.
It is nothing more than a human hand.
Oh my god. It's...
It's a human hand, and
it's covered in leaves and moss...
and it's human and it is a hand.
I'm gonna have to call my wife.
I'm gonna have to lie again.
Lassie, we're in.
Of course you're in, you morons.
There's a hand in your hand.
Go ahead, Gus. "Knuck" it up softly.
Get that dead hand
away from me, Shawn.
Shawn, I don't like this.
Gus, you heard Lassie.
We need to get this hand
to Woody ASAP.
If it's ASAP, why did we stop first
at Pokey Jack's Smokey Shack?
Because I'm not an animal, Gus.
Either way,
it says right there on the wall...
we're not allowed
to ship living material.
If his hand was still living,
that would be inappropriate.
But it's not.
Now, we need our gear...
if we're gonna find the rest
of this body before we drive home.
All of our stuff is back
in Psych Francisco.
Or is it?
You want to bumble with the bee?
Gus, we're home.
Give me some Chewy.
It's getting better.
Are we on the same page right now?
Alternative Spider-verse.
Bienvenue La Tier.
Santa Barbara's
only pop-up cat restaurant.
- Sure.
- Of course.
"Cat-fe". How nice.
Do your parents know
you're doing this?
What? How old do you think I am?
- Nine.
- Forty-one.
- Forty-one?
- Like the girl from Orphan.
Congrats. Business is booming.
We don't open for another 15 minutes.
So, the cats aren't the customers.
Who the hell are you guys?
I'm Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, Ding Dong Ditch.
- Nope.
- Claude O'Dirt...
- Big Poppa Pump?
- Warmer.
- Lemona-lime
- Hello.
How did either of you
reach adulthood?
Don't worry, you will, too, as long
as you keep taking your vitamins.
Okay. I am not a child.
What do you want?
- Isn't it obvious? We want love.
- And companionship.
And the end of the ivory trade.
But most importantly, we want to
know what you think you're doing
opening a cat-feteria in our office.
I am a legit entrepreneur...
and I rented this space
and it's mine for the next 19 days.
Those are for cats.
- I see.
- Okay.
I'm gonna be honest
with you guys.
I am in a real Dickens
of a standoff
with the health department.
So, I'm gonna need you
to get to the point.
Alright. Here's the nutshell.
I am a psychic.
He is a sympathetic pooper.
We're back to retrieve
tons of detective-ing tools...
that we've stashed
in the walls, ceiling, and air ducts.
And that may require
punching a hole or five.
You're gonna need
to take that up with the landlord.
He is not gonna like it. Back there.
Thank you, old woman.
Or young child, whichever you may be.
- What do you want?
- Hi.
Looking for approval
to destroy your drywall...
and possibly remove
your air conditioner.
No. Bug off.
Bug off?
Sir, if you would just allow me
to explain the magnitude...
- Wait, hold on.
- Back up.
We can't help but be disturbed...
by how low
the register of your voice is.
You're clearly putting on
some sort of bellowed timbre.
This is not a timbre.
- It just got lower.
- It's the same voice.
So, you admit it's a voice.
Yeah, who are you doing, Tom Waits?
- Kathleen Turner? Dietrich Bader.
- Harvey Fierstein?
- Get in here.
- Dad?
How in the hell could you afford
to buy the psych office?
I didn't buy anything.
You neglected
to tell your landlord...
- that you were moving.
- What?
I simply picked up the payments
and started subletting...
to every hipster pop-up
coming into town.
I am literally rolling
in disposable income.
- Tax-free.
- This seems illegal.
Why are you bothering
my tenants?
We may have left behind
a few items when we moved.
You left behind the slow cooker
with a three pound roast in it.
You nearly This Is Us'd
the entire block.
This Is Us'd? Dad, why are you
watching that show?
They have the same show
on ABC but newer.
What do you want?
This is embarrassing, but I think
I'm allergic to these cats.
- Not my problem.
- Well...
Look, Dad,
this is a Lassie mystery.
The stakes
are possibly life and death...
which means
I need my night vision goggles...
and my collection of mustaches
in order to snoop around undetected.
Will you please help us?
For Lassie?
Of course.
You're using the voice again.
I can see all your teeth, O'Hara.
All of them.
I'm sorry. I'm just
inappropriately giddy to see you.
Wait a minute. It's not Monday.
Why are you here?
Carlton, you are absolutely paranoid.
I miss you.
Okay, fine. Truth is...
I snuck out this morning
when I saw this.
Is that Conway Twitty?
This is Reese Kessler, the monster
who shot you in cold blood six times.
They picked him up yesterday,
made a full confession...
waived his right to an attorney...
Still ironing out a few details,
but it smells like...
- What?
- Nothing.
I know that face.
Is this not the guy?
I don't know.
Believe me, I wish I did.
I don't remember. I'm working on it.
But maybe the reason
you're making that face...
is because
this is not the right person.
Look. The truth is...
I didn't come down here
all the way from San Francisco...
just to be a messenger.
I came down here...
because he doesn't mention
a second gun in his confession.
And I know they never found
the slug for it...
but I also know there's a bullet
missing from the crime scene.
O'Hara. You've already
been reprimanded twice...
to stay off this case.
stop jeopardizing your career.
Look, I just want to help.
Help? Great.
There you go.
That's a grocery list.
Untrue. There's also some errands.
There are ninety-three of them.
Yeah, so,
it shouldn't take you that long.
Gus, we've got
everything we need right here.
The best damn tracking dog...
in the history
of the Half Moon Bay Animal Shelter.
Morrissey already found the hand.
Now, he will meticulously sniff
this entire place...
and lead us directly
to the rest of the body.
Take a sniff of this.
Now. Watch and learn.
I probably
should have left the leash on.
You think?
Damn, he cleared the horizon quickly.
You are
the strongest person I know.
- Nah.
- Yeah.
And I am watching you get stronger
every single day.
And I love you, and I don't know
what I would do without you.
And I will be back on Monday
for our regularly scheduled visit...
with a completed errand list...
and seven pounds
of Ghirardelli chocolate.
And I almost forgot.
- What?
- Thought you might want it.
So you never forget.
And I promise next time I am here,
zero police talk.
Unless, of course,
you want to talk...
about putting a guard
outside your door.
Deal. We've got
to be honest with each other.
- Why is Morrissey's dish here?
- Whose what?
Shawn, we've been lost for an hour.
That dog is never coming back.
Babe of all babes.
I can't believe
you're in Santa Barbara.
What? I can explain, babe.
I was just trying to help.
Please don't. Just stop.
I'm here, too.
I need to talk to you about dinner.
- Right. Dinner.
- Cancel.
That... I'm not gonna cancel.
I think we should cancel.
No, we're not gonna cancel.
Don't be silly.
I already have something in motion
that's amazing...
and tonight's gonna be a night
we remember forever.
Okay. I'm just...
I'm stuck at the airport...
and I may need a little extra time.
So, maybe we should just...
Hey, what you said is perfect.
I'll see you tonight. I love you.
She was giving you an out.
- She sounded really strange, Gus.
- Like Lupita in Us?
- No. Which one?
- Tethered.
No, not that strange.
I just feel like
I really let her down this time.
You're protecting Lassie.
He begged us not to tell her.
It doesn't matter, Gus.
I can't keep sneaking around
and lying like this anymore.
She's probably sitting at the airport
all misty-eyed, wondering...
if I'll ever be the truthful
grown-ass man she deserves.
What am I... Let's go home.
This is Chief Lassiter.
Shots fired. I'm down.
I've been ambushed
and shot multiple times.
We have an officer down.
All units respond.
Situation critical.
They never found a slug for it.
There's a bullet
missing from the crime scene.
I didn't see anything.
- Don't shoot.
- I'm not gonna hurt you.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have come back.
Look, you need medical attention.
And I need that bullet in your leg.
She's later than us! Go! Do it!
She'll be here any second, man.
Make it romantic.
I'll plate the dinners.
You set the mood.
Next level petaling, Gus.
Shawn. Why did you choose the menu
from A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving?
Because it's the only thing
they had at the gas station, Gus.
Come on, son.
Mr. Booty Man
Don't answer that.
I couldn't if I wanted to.
My phone is even worse now.
None of the buttons are working.
We reap what we sew.
She's coming. Okay.
I've got to get the candles.
You sneak down the fire escape.
Wait, fire escape?
I am really proud
of how you've handled all of this.
It was big of you
to bail on Lassiter's case...
especially with goblins on the table.
Thank you. But I also know...
that you're not sold on the guy
who confessed to shooting Lassie.
But babe, your neck
is way out there on this one.
Shawn Spencer...
are you the one worried about me
sniffing around where I shouldn't be?
That's right. Feels good
to be the adult in this relationship.
- Just this once.
- Yeah.
Seriously, though. Please.
Promise me that you'll let the locals
handle this one.
- Of course.
- Of course.
That being said,
I'm gonna take this list...
I'm gonna do
all these errands for you...
which include polishing Lassie's rod.
But first, I'm gonna wrap both of us
in your favorite green Snuggie.
And we're gonna be in there
for a while.
It's in the big dresser drawer
with all the bedding!
- What are you doing?
- That fire escape was steep, Shawn.
Come on, man.
It's been a couple of hours.
Look, I've been telling her
all afternoon...
that you were gonna be gone. Now
you've turned me into a liar again.
- You are a liar.
- Your dad's a liar.
Did you tell her about the hand?
No, because the hand is unimportant
because we're off the case.
Now, give me this damn Snuggie.
- Get your own damn Snuggie.
- This is my damn Snuggie.
What's that?
Nothing, hon!
Hey, babe?
It's weird, I can't find the Snuggie.
But you know what?
We don't need
that particular Snuggie because...
Mr. Booty Man
Is that Gus' ringtone?
That is Gus' ringtone, isn't it?
He must have left his phone here.
Silly black goose.
I just remembered
where the Snuggie is.
It's in the bedroom. But it's deep.
I think there's a depth to it.
- Will you go look for it?
- You just want to see...
who's calling so you can decide
whether or not to pick it up.
Will you marry me?
Only if we can have toast and
jelly beans for dinner every night.
Deal. This is it.
- This is where it's at. Yeah.
- This is home base.
Good god, man. Turn that off.
I'm trying. It's Woody.
Answer it. He's got the hand.
I thought you said
the hand was unimportant.
Where did you get a Nutri-Grain bar?
Don't worry about that, Shawn.
Guys. First of all, thank you
for the delicious smoked meats.
- He ate the hand?
- He didn't eat the hand.
I put some smoked meats in...
- with the hand.
- Why would you do that?
Because it was 26 dollars
to mail the box...
whether it was full or not, Gus.
I thought you, of all people,
could appreciate...
that level of frugality. Woody.
I have good news and I have bad news.
The venison? Scrumptious.
Also, there was a usable print
on one of the dead guy's fingers.
I got a name for the victim.
It's some hotshot manufacturing CEO
named Devon Tileback.
Tileback. Okay. What's the bad news?
Shawn, the buffalo was chewy.
It tasted
a little bit like fingernails.
That makes sense.
It was actually tofuffalo.
Tofuffalo. Okay.
Damn it, now we've got
a real murder case and a real victim.
No. He wasn't murdered
or dissolved by a witch.
He committed suicide.
- Suicide?
- Yeah, about a week ago.
Jumped off a bridge
into the Santa Ynez river.
Body was never found.
Until now, I guess.
Luca! No.
No, sweetie.
Butterflies Baby is playing
with a spleen. Again. I should go.
Yeah, you should.
This is great. There's no ghost.
It's open and shut.
We're off the hook.
No, Gus, this is bad. Suicide?
A hand turning up behind the hospital
where Lassie's seeing ghosts.
Come on, Jules
is gonna go right back down there...
when she hears all this stuff.
- We have to save her from herself.
- What does that even mean?
It means we go back to Santa Barbara
and start lying again.
Be careful for spiders.
No! Shawn!
Here comes the tickler!
No. What have I told you
about getting up on the bed?
I can move you off me
anytime I want to.
Actually, that's not true, is it?
You think I'm a fraud, don't you?
You think they're gonna retire me?
I can be a burden to my family.
And sit in the La-Z-Boy
the rest of my life...
yelling at the T.V.?
Crap, that would suck.
I'm gonna level with you, dog.
Just between you and I.
I don't know
if I'm ever gonna walk again.
What are you looking at?
You see that, right?
I mean, that guy's really bleeding.
Come on, dog, tell me I'm not crazy.
Of course you're not crazy.
You're a Lassiter.
I thought
I told you to leave me alone.
I know, son.
We have so much catching up to do.
Look, we believe
that you saw something last night.
But why would
a man soaked in blood...
sneak into some stables
at a recovery house?
I know what I saw.
Did anybody else see this?
- A dog?
- Oh my god...
Morrissey ate Delores.
Delores is fine.
Look, Lassie,
we're trying here, man. We are.
That hand? Remember?
The hand that Morrissey found...
belongs to some techie CEO
that took a dive into the river.
It has nothing to do with you.
Or the Hirschel House.
Keeping these trips secret
is proving very difficult.
Gus slept in a drawer last night.
Full disclosure, it was
the best sleep I've had in years.
I might even stay there
again tonight.
- Yeah, guess again.
- You'll never know.
your only witness is a dog.
Who I'm not convinced
didn't eat a nurse.
Guys. Please.
Just check on the stables.
And then you can tell me I'm crazy.
- He said "please".
- He did.
- Selene.
- Hi, Juliet.
Do you know where I can file
a missing persons report?
Yeah. I can do that for you
right away. Who's it for?
- Gus.
- Gus?
Yes. He's not at work and he hasn't
answered his phone in two days.
And I've called from lots of phones.
Selene. Come on, it's Gus. It's fine.
He doesn't have a deceptive bone
in his...
You know what?
He left his phone at our house...
when they got back
from Santa Barbara.
What? He didn't tell me
he was going to Santa Barbara.
Neither did Shawn. That's because
they were sneaking around...
on a case
they didn't want me to know about.
And that doesn't upset you?
No. It makes it easier for me...
to sneak around and investigate cases
they don't know about.
Juliet, there's something or someone
he's not telling me about.
Is this about the nurse?
What nurse?
No, it's nothing.
No, Lassiter's nurse.
She's just very sweet and
she just seems to really like Gus.
- What...
- Super innocent.
Sorry, why would Kessler
contradict his own alibi...
unless he was forced to?
You know what, Selene? I am sorry.
I have to go to Santa Barbara...
and get a prisoner
to recant his confession.
Gus is way into you.
Try not to spiral over nothing.
A nurse isn't nothing.
I guess the bloody figure
would have had to come through here.
Yeah. Even the stables are spotless.
I'd even eat off this floor.
You eat off any floor.
Now, why would they keep
all this medical equipment down here?
That doesn't make any sense.
What are these?
Ice chips.
They give them to patients
during therapy...
or when they can't
hold down solid food.
What are you doing?
Are you eating that?
Yeah, there's five different flavors
in there.
You can't do that, Shawn.
It's impolite.
Impolite? You ate a Nutri-Grain bar
that you found in an armoire.
Exactly. It didn't belong to anyone.
Oh my gosh. Blue raspberry.
Now you see what I'm saying.
This is like a Concord grape.
Excuse me.
Are you eating
the patients' ice chips?
I am not. He is.
- That's not true.
- We're sorry. We're just...
We're both fans of delicious flavor.
We're friends of the Chief.
Carlton Lassiter.
- Friends of the Chief's. Hi.
- Hello.
I'm Dr. Herschel.
This is my facility.
Those are my ice chips.
I'd like to remind you, gentlemen...
that the areas marked restricted
are restricted...
because they are restricted.
That feels fair. We were wondering...
Did you have any unexpected visitors
late last night...
who had been attacked violently
and perhaps large pools of blood...
in this general area,
maybe headed that way?
No. No pools of blood.
Any people living in your pipes?
They may speak in their own tongue.
Perhaps parsil.
I'm fairly certain we do not.
I feel like we're making
some serious strides here.
- Yes.
- What about one-handed patients?
Be it by birth, industrial accident,
or voodoo.
One hundred percent of our patients
have 100% of their appendages.
May I ask, gentlemen,
what is this about?
Say nothing.
Carlton may have seen a zombie.
What are you doing?
He's not a zombie, sir.
It is a normal man, possibly infected
with rage, drenched in his own blood.
And, did you know there are bodies
in your fields?
- What?
- Now I'm doing it.
You're good.
You are very good
at extracting confessions.
I know that the Chief has been seeing
things that are unexplainable.
Believe me, we are doing everything
in our power...
to help him work through this
during his recovery.
We even sent for a specialist...
all the way from the island of Cuba
to help.
Mr. A.V. Catalon.
A renowned homeoneurotraumatist.
Dr. Herschel,
I'm going to be honest with you.
That title sounds like you made it up
right this second.
Do you have a picture
of this alleged Dr. Catalon?
All you have to do is
look into the flap of his book.
What? He wrote a book?
May I be honest with you, gentlemen?
- Please, sir.
- The Chief's behavior...
is perfectly
within the realm of normal...
for someone who has experienced
such severe trauma.
The only danger is if somebody
were to fuel his fantasies.
Am I being clear?
- Yes.
- Good.
Now, if I am ever
to see you two gentlemen again...
I hope it is
in the area marked "For Visitors"...
because that's where visitors
do their visiting.
- Good day.
- Good day.
Wait for it...
- I like to suck on the tips.
- What?
- There you are.
- You got it, didn't you?
Police Commissioner?
I can't believe it!
You'll come back and visit us, right?
No, final interviews are later today.
I'm just one of three.
It's an honor to be considered.
Scratch that, I want it.
I need it. It is mine to lose.
Yeah. So, why did you want
to talk to me so bad?
Ballistics was having
a little trouble...
identifying this slug
that you brought in yesterday.
And I don't recall
the case it's from.
I was just crossing some T's
in the Embarcadero Shipping Case.
Okay, then. Good.
- And O'Hara?
- Yes, Chief?
If you're going
to go after Lassiter's shooter...
please do us the courtesy
of clocking out first.
And never lie to me.
Even if you think
it's for my own protection.
I'm sorry.
I thought
they had someone in custody.
- They do.
- And he confessed?
He did. I can explain.
I didn't ask you to.
And I don't need to remind you...
how many cold blooded killers get off
on technicalities.
So, you're going to Santa Barbara
to see about a prisoner?
I'm going to see about a nurse.
Gus, is this place starting
to mess with your head?
I suddenly have the urge
to give myself a tongue bath.
- Focus, Shawn.
- Right.
Look. I don't get it.
Devon Tileback's life was perfect.
His company just went public.
Why would he jump off a bridge?
He just started spending his money
like a boss.
He had everything in life
to live for.
I don't know, Gus.
But Lassiter is spiraling with
every single unanswered question.
We need to prove something.
Even if it's not
what we want to prove.
We've ruled out the Hell Hag. Maybe
we take a harder look at Tileback.
Now, what are we missing?
- That doesn't make sense.
- What?
Our guy worked
from morning till night, right?
So, what's he doing
driving all the way into the hills...
to the Viking's Den Ice Bar?
- An ice cream bar?
- No. Ice Bar.
They're the ones
where they give you a parka...
and they have sub-zero temperatures.
They're either
for tourists or Eskimos.
He could be an Eskimo. What?
Let's go get loaded for Lassie.
You're not a public defender.
No, wait. Mr. Kessler.
I just don't want you
to make a mistake...
by going to jail
for a crime you did not commit.
Look, I know you've had
a lot of hard breaks in your life.
But you can get out of this.
I can help you.
No, you can't. okay?
They're everywhere.
They're here. They know everything.
Think about your wife.
Look, you don't get it. Okay?
I can't trust anyone.
I'm fully exposed in here.
Don't let anybody
force you to do this.
Think about your child.
Wait. You have a kid?
And you're willing to go to jail.
For nothing?
What the hell is wrong with you?
- And who is this?
- Nobody.
- I'm your best friend.
- Best friend?
Hey, you brought
your best friend with you?
Look, you know what? I'm done.
You know what?
You're right. We are done...
- you old deadbeat Deandre.
- No, look, wait.
- Peace out.
- What?
Okay. Kessler, wait.
- Open the door.
- We are not done.
You know what?
I may have overreacted slightly.
I don't like this, Shawn.
We're the only non-motorcycle
in this parking lot.
These people are extra white,
which is never good.
You'll just have
to be extra black, then.
You bet.
These mittens
are awfully restrictive.
I'm afraid
my hat used to be a raccoon.
The fur is fake, Shawn.
What we should have done
was waited to see...
if anyone's fancy brown earmuffs
became available.
Let's just get
the information we need...
drink some chilled moonshine,
and bounce out of here.
- Hello.
- Hi...
you must be the vodka consigliere.
What the hell is this?
What can you tell us
about Devon Tileback?
- Don't talk about Devon in here.
- Why not?
- He owed a lot of money.
- What? That dude was loaded.
Look, he was a good guy.
But he was starting to lose it.
Kept going on about all
of his dark secrets being exposed.
First of all, thank you for being
so forthcoming. It's refreshing.
- Yeah.
- What secrets do you mean?
(Norwegian) Hello. (Norwegian) Vodka?
- This is my place.
- Yes.
You're just the man
we'd like to speak with.
Question. Do you have any more
of those smoky topaz brown earmuffs?
Those are for our VIP's.
And we are all out.
Have you ever been to Norway?
Just once, with my brother-in-law.
We don't talk about that, Shawn.
Ova, I'm going to be honest with you.
Neither of us
have heard of this joint...
and I wasn't even aware
this mountain existed.
We just opened last year.
This is my second chapter.
I used to run a different business,
successful, rewarding in its own way.
But life has a way
of giving you a new direction.
It does.
Can I treat you to
a favorite of mine from back home?
Is it Oreo flavored?
It is not. It is cask-aged
by my family in Flekkefjord...
for the last hundred
and twenty years.
Not to seem ungrateful,
but do you have anything Russian?
Gentleman, Norwegian tradition.
we look into each other's eyes.
And we say...
- Cheers.
- And cheers.
Tell me. Who is the bearded
Darryl Hannah over there?
That's Per. He's my son.
He's also clearly within earshot.
He's already displeased with me
and my career choices.
Perhaps we all stop lurking at him.
Fair enough. Gus, we need to go.
We do. But first, I need to go.
This vodka went right through me.
Thank you for your hospitality, Ova.
We'll be back to wear these coats
again, I can assure you.
Can we reserve two pair...
of the extra plush
russet brown earmuffs?
Be sure to put you
on the top of the list.
I'm Mr. Booty Man
I'm looking for
the cutest little booty in the land
I'm Mr. Booty Man
I want to see you shake it
like you're crazy
That was not supposed to happen.
My cousin partnered
with Greg Grunberg...
on an app called
"Jamaica Me, All The Way".
There are some bugs...
and that's what caused me
to photograph...
- your hairless genitals over there.
- (Norwegian)
Twice. I will erase the photos
Bad news. I just tweeted that.
You are one sick individual.
No, don't retweet that.
Damn it. You know, sometimes,
I really hate my followers.
You know what we do
with sick individuals?
You give them the space
and care they deserve?
They get what they deserve, alright.
What could I do?
I pulled the man's finger.
Let's go.
- It was nice meeting you, Ova.
- As you.
Let's go.
Dude. What the hell
happened in there?
I will tell you
on my death bed, Shawn.
- We go on foot.
- What?
Run, Shawn!
Go. Motorcycle.
Let's go.
- No. I can't do it.
- You can't do what?
- Ride a motorcycle?
- In all the years I owned one...
how many times did you
actually see me ride, Gus?
I don't care. Shawn...
there's a bunch
of angry Viking bikers...
coming this way now. Let's go.
I promised Jules
I wouldn't ride anymore.
And I've got to be honest
about something.
Dude, now is not the time to try
to suddenly live up to your vows.
- Let's go.
- That's fair.
Make a hard right. Hard right!
- That wasn't a hard right, Shawn.
- I tried to tell you, man.
What do we do now?
I guess we just lay here for a while.
Who the hell are you guys?
Who the hell are we?
Who the hell are you?
You're Devon Tileback.
- Dude, our dog found your hand.
- You're supposed to be dead.
You need to stop.
Whatever it is
you think you're doing...
you have no idea
who you're dealing with.
More people are gonna die.
Just let me stay dead.
You're ruining everything.
When you say "everything"...
- Where did that shot come from?
- Play dead.
- Buzz freaking McNab.
- In a suit.
- It's even his size.
- What's going on with the hair?
- It's a... Shawn.
- There's a piece coming loose.
Dude, he's got my phone.
Buzz! You look big. And slick.
Shawn. Gus. What are you guys
doing in Santa Barbara?
I left a frisbee
signed by a German film director...
(German), when I moved,
and I've come back to collect it.
Gus has a new love interest down here
who happens to be a nurse.
- Hey, not true. Can I have that?
- It's evidence.
- It's mine.
- You guys got here...
too quick for us
to fish it out of the ditch.
Did you kill that guy?
Buzz, please. The man was dead
before we spoke to him.
- What?
- He died a second time, Buzz.
Keep up.
- Why are you here?
- Super top secret, man.
I can't tell you
or anyone from your department.
Or any former members
of your department...
especially not Ju...
That means
she's still working this case.
She lied to me, Gus. She lied to me.
I'm so turned on right now, dude.
Shawn, don't be happy about this.
You are setting
a dangerous precedent.
Honesty is the key component...
- in any relationship.
- Who is she talking to?
This doesn't look like a hospital.
- Selene.
- What the...
Dude, we've got to get out of here.
Selene found me. Damn it,
I knew I was gonna get caught.
- Just act natural.
- What is happening?
- Buzz, you never saw us.
- But this is a crime scene.
- Okay, listen very closely.
- Guy in a ditch.
- Named Devon.
- Faked death.
- Owed people money.
- Got found.
- Got shot. Case closed.
- Now dead.
We will waive our fee
for solving this...
because you still have to figure out
who shot him.
Okay, but how am I...
- No.
- Yep.
- Excuse me. Do not let her in here.
- Move, sir. Sir.
- Juliet.
- This is a crime scene.
What's going on here?
I'm not sure. But if I had to guess,
a guy faked his death...
and then got shot
by the people he was hiding from.
- How long have you been here?
- Ten minutes.
Wow. That's impressive.
Thanks, Juliet. That means a lot.
Here is the ballistics report...
on the bullet
that went through Lassiter.
There was a second gun.
Which means the guy
who confessed is a liar.
Don't tell anyone how you got this.
You understand?
I'm not sure
I understand anything right now.
That's the Buzz I know and love.
- How's Francie?
- She's teaching yoga to horses now.
Nice hiding space, Shawn.
- Nice.
- Where do you suggest we go, Gus?
We're in the forest
and we look like bears.
Yeah, but there's cops everywhere.
No one is paying attention to us,
Shawn. No one.
You're right, that's weird.
Juliet, if you would simply
take me to the hospital.
Selene, I am working a case
I have no business working on.
So, I am super sorry...
but I would like to respectfully
request that you shut the hell up.
- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry.
I should have said "heck".
You brought a friend with you?
It's Gus' girlfriend. I...
You're the nurse.
Selene's coming back.
Through the car. Good call.
Careful, you're getting footprints
all over Jules' seats.
Stop kicking everything.
You kick everything everywhere.
Shawn, she's coming.
There's no reason...
that keeps us here right now.
Dude, there kind of is.
- Shawn, she's gonna see us.
- Juliet, I'll just get there myself.
Watch it!
I don't know what I did,
but I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna need your car.
I left them in the car.
Oh man.
Dude, will you snap out of it?
- It's impossible.
- What's impossible?
I think I'm pregnant.
When did you all start
trying to have a baby?
I don't know, Gus.
I thought we were waiting.
I assumed
that we would start with a hamster.
Maybe a mini leopard.
You know me, man.
I'm not ready for this.
The windows in the loft
don't even fully close.
Right? I'm gonna
have to replace them.
Otherwise, this is Baby's Day Out
all over again.
Shawn, calm down.
You're spinning.
No reason to get worked up
over John Hughes's worst idea.
Are you even listening?
Lassie just texted. All caps.
He saw
Wilkerson running down the hallway.
Wilkerson? The comatose dude
in the wheelchair?
I think Lassie's hit a new low.
We're gonna have to deal with this.
Shouldn't we be dealing
with this whole fatherhood thing?
Yes, but later. This Lassie thing
is the perfect reason...
not to deal with anything real
at all.
- How lucky is that?
- And what exactly are you thinking?
- It is that time.
- What time?
So, now, Lassie is seeing...
some comatose man
up and running around.
But we've got
a real dead guy on our hands.
We're concerned
we've lost him forever.
Shawn, I did not steal
your mustache collection.
- What is your problem?
- Then, you misplaced it, Pop.
Or you used it
as part of your bedroom play...
for whatever unfortunate jezebels...
you convinced
to participate in your sick games.
This cat.
Look, I just want them back.
I need them back.
You better walk that tone
some place else if you want my help.
Alright, can I step in here?
Shawn is having a lot
going on right now.
Big picture life stuff, and...
My only concern at the moment
is that my dad is a liar and a thief.
Do we even know
if that merkin on your face is real?
Stop. I thought
maybe when you got married...
you might take even
a half a step toward being an adult.
But you are regressing big time.
I am way further down that road
than you can imagine being.
And this just in,
I will never steal from my child.
I can't wait for you to feel...
what it's like
to have to deal with a mini you.
I am counting the minutes to it.
It will be the redemption of my life,
watching you fail.
All those years, you thought...
you were telling me
things I didn't already know.
Lassie is spiraling.
We thought we were helping him
by looking into his visions.
But now, we're concerned
we're just fueling his imagination.
Guys. Come on. Now, look.
Carlton is one of the best cops
I've ever known.
He survived six bullets and a stroke.
His body may be playing catch-up...
but his mind,
it's as sharp as I've ever known.
Come on, let's face it. He's never
had much of an imagination.
Right? So, when he says
this guy Wilkerson is faking it...
maybe you should do the crazy thing.
Believe him.
- Believe him?
- Gus, you know what this means.
- We have to go full...
- Dirty...
- Rotten...
- Scoundrels.
Afternoon, Wilkerson. How you doing?
We're new here. Name's Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, Lego Myeggo.
- No.
- Norman Brownbutter.
Try again, Shawn.
- Dijon Hounsou?
- Accepted.
Why are you rejecting nicknames
in front of a comatose guy?
Because I'm a pro.
Penny for your thoughts, Vic?
Save your pennies, Dijon. I got this.
I see it, jack daddy.
You play it straight?
Tough guy from the old neighborhood.
Probably didn't even cry...
when Liz Berkeley got addicted
to speed in Saved By The Bell.
Guess what. Even tough guys...
Are ticklish.
Looks like a very bad boy is about to
get attacked by the French Tickler.
Give it to him, Gus.
Give it to him. Clean, please.
Yeah. Work it. Prepare it.
Get in there. Take off the sock, Gus.
Come on Wilkerson,
you know you can feel that.
Come on, man.
You're gonna break.
And when you do, you can
take the window or the stairs.
Harder, Gus.
It's about to get hard.
Harder, Gus. Gus, go hard!
Are you getting up in there?
Get up in there.
- Finish him.
- I'm going hard, Shawn.
Excuse me.
What are you two doing?
We're just visiting
Mr. Wilkerson here.
Why have you removed
his stocking feet?
Dr. Herschel,
we have reason to believe...
that your Wilkerson is faking.
- Faking?
- Yes.
This man suffers
from severe Catatonia.
He has had imparity
of all bodily functions...
for quite some time.
We're not even sure
he's going to recover at all.
And you are tickling his feet?
That's a regional term.
Gus prefers playing "futbol".
At first, I thought you two had...
this harmless, idiotic
Ren and Stimpy thing...
- Stimpy
- going.
Now, you are proving to be dangerous.
I want you out.
- What?
- Shawn? Gus?
What is going on?
Delores, great. I can explain.
Have you ever seen
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?
Are we talking, like, you and I?
Like, a Netflix and chill scenario?
Nurse O'Riordan, kindly escort...
these two pedo-fetishers
off the premises...
and then attend to Mr. Wilkerson...
and examine his feet
for signs of violation.
What, violation?
Get your hands
off that man's eyeball.
There is a sign marked exit.
It is marked exit
for the purpose of exiting.
Find it. Use it.
Gentlemen, my dander is rising.
I don't really know what to say...
but I guess you guys
should probably come with me.
Come on, Delores.
You don't think maybe
there's another reason...
that dude just got a dander boner?
Maybe the good doctor isn't so good.
And we're onto him,
and so is Lassiter.
Onto what?
Dr. Herschel's an incredible doctor
and humanitarian...
who took on Carlton's case
at his own expense.
What does that mean? Like, for free?
That's just bad business.
Okay, you know what? Feel
free to reach out for updates.
But at this point,
I see no other option...
than for you guys to stay away.
What is... That's...
surreal. I mean, I don't...
Shawn, we're done.
I need to get a hold of Selene...
before she turns me
into a voodoo doll.
Nope. What we need to do is get back
into that hospital and help Lassie.
Why can we never
just reach the end of the line?
Because, Gus, we're close.
And we need eyes on Dr. Herschel.
What is that?
is called Plan "B".
Arrival papers and a security pass...
for renowned
touring trauma specialist...
Dr. A.V. Catalon from Cuba.
Now, he could pick them up himself...
but I suspect
he's gonna get a phone call later...
canceling his trip.
Who do we know
in the whole wide world...
that could possibly take his place?
Who? What?
Oh my gosh.
This is why I needed
my mustache collection, Gus.
My name is
Amerigo Vespucci Catalon Estevez.
And you killed my father.
- No.
- Yes.
- Yes, you did.
- I did not.
- Prepare to die.
- It's not gonna work, Shawn.
You're kidding me right now.
This is a lock.
I'm virtually unrecognizable
to myself.
Is somebody in here?
I'm going into your dad's office,
and I am calling the police.
I know what you're thinking.
Does he have a Plan C?
No, he does not.
But does he have a Plan D?
Woody. The mustache is spectacular.
From my lip to God's ears.
Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
Did you get the materials? Do you
need us to fill you in on anything?
I studied everything about him
on the plane.
I know exactly who this guy is.
I know what makes him tick.
What excites him. His biggest fears.
I like that very much.
But Woody, for our purposes here...
we should probably focus on
the type of medicine he practices...
and how he helps
the patients at this facility.
I must disagree to disagree, Shawn.
Sure, that will come into play.
Down the line, yes.
But more importantly...
how does Catalon feel
about his mother...
and her unriddling dominance
over him and his seven siblings?
- He's an only child.
- In his mind, yes.
But that's how he managed to
survive in a world he distrusted...
and the loss of the only woman
he had ever loved, Esmerelda...
hostess at the tobacco farm
where he spent his formative summers.
Editor's note,
his bicycle had a banana seat.
None of that is in here.
Of course it isn't.
Dear, simple Gus. But that
doesn't make it any less true.
In here. And here.
And just a little down here.
I feel woozy.
Woody, I need you
to concentrate, man.
We need you on the inside,
and we really need this to work.
Shawn, I am calm. I am collected.
Not since Ben Affleck in anything...
has an actor been more prepared
for a role in his life.
- You're not an actor.
- You're barely a coroner.
Are you planning on doing an accent?
Jes. I am.
- Less is more.
- A lot less.
Guys, I got this. Adios, hombres.
What's he doing, a limp?
You doing a limp?
I got this.
Buenos tardes, Senorita.
Or young lady.
I am Dr. Amerigo Catalon
from the island country of Cuba...
reporting for work.
Dr. Catalon. Wonderful.
Could you just spell that for me?
No, I cannot.
- You're gonna do great.
- I know.
These were marked urgent for you.
Thank you. I will check them
after my interview.
Welcome, Karen.
It's exciting to be nearing
the conclusion of our search.
As you know, the process
has been an exhaustive one.
Yes. And thank you for considering me
for such a lofty...
I can't believe it's an honor
just really, to be considered...
and I never thought
that I would reach such a lofty...
I have to go.
Excuse me?
We're making our decision today.
I know...
Choose Pradhan.
She's much more cut out for this.
And this room is ridiculous.
What have you got for us?
Did you see Lassie?
I got all of his pills.
Great job, man. You were born
to do undercover work.
I am deep in, guys.
That's great. Woody,
can you hand us the pills, please?
We don't want to get caught in here.
Okay, I just want to point out...
that you guys requested
that I take Lassiter's pills.
- See, I thought you wanted me
- What?
to be the guinea pig on this.
But now, I understand.
Your way is a much better plan.
And the good news
is they're time-released pills...
and I have one
painfully lodged in my throat.
But watch the problem solver at work,
solving the problem.
Come on, man.
Do you have a surgical glove,
by chance?
Forty-three pairs. They also come
in wine and burnt pumpkin.
I'm a hoarder.
Okay. First of all, that's a Chiclet.
Wait, there's more.
What the...
Someone did not want us to find this.
Bandages? Stitches?
Dude, this was all
for an emergency patch job.
Somebody was coming here for help
on the down low.
From a doctor.
Okay, great.
So, which doctor was on duty...
the night Lassie saw the bloody guy?
We were here that day. Dr. Herschel.
Guys, I can get in huge trouble
for this.
Delores, all the pieces
are falling into place.
Lassie could be the next victim.
I cannot believe
Dr. Herschel could be a villain.
Really? It's not like
he emanates warmth.
Okay, look. I will sneak you in
to protect Carlton...
- but you cannot leave this room.
- Of course. Thank you, Delores.
You're the best.
- Ice chips?
- Funyuns?
- You can get them both.
- Me?
Why do I have
to risk sneaking around?
- Jackal says what?
- What?
Hey, Lass.
Quick ask. Between two gentlemen.
When you first found out
that Marlowe was...
with child...
Would you say that
you were you overcome with joy...
or was it more like panic
and confusion and...
a lack of oxygen?
Asking for a friend.
Henry? What are you doing here?
I need to see Shawn.
But first, you're gonna tell me...
why he was having
an extra sensitive cow earlier.
Something is going on.
I know my son.
Guster.. Spit.
Fine. I'm gonna tell you one time.
Shawn and Juliet...
Eliminate heavies.
Gus, don't you come in here
without those blue ice chips.
I'm gonna make you feed me
like a Jamaican baby bird.
What are you doing here?
And why are you
looking at me like that?
I think I might have crossed the line
back at the office.
I saw something I'd never seen.
I think I hurt you.
No, you didn't hurt me.
Maybe just a little.
That's not possible. I'm impervious.
Shawn, look.
Being a dad it isn't easy.
Is this your version of an apology?
Shawn, would you let me finish?
Okay. It isn't easy.
But it may be the best thing
a man can do...
in his entire lifetime.
Look, I... What I'm just trying
to say is that...
if you're so lucky, you'll see
the day that your kid is born...
No, whenever that happens...
Your heart, it goes
from being inside your chest...
to outside your body...
to this other being
it attaches itself to.
Who now owns it.
And it swings around
like a frigging tetherball.
You never get it back.
And that's the torture.
And I recommend it highly.
Yeah, I don't know
if it's recommended for me.
All due respect, Dad,
I'm not like you.
No, you're not.
And that's why
you'll be better than me.
- This is weird and uncomfortable.
- Yeah, weird.
How can I help?
I'm supposed to finish
this list of errands for Lassie.
There are ninety-three items.
And I'm on number two.
Who the hell writes this small?
That is really small.
Let me show you something.
You can use the camera.
You click that and then, pinch.
- Magnification.
- That is sweet.
Daddy Blue Eyes.
Wait. What is that indentation?
Silent partner.
Dad, he wrote "silent partner."
And that's
the date of the shooting. That...
That's why he went to the warehouse.
To meet with the victim.
- Do you think you could get this...
- Analyzed.
- Yeah.
- I'll be back in two hours.
Great. We'll stay here
and watch Lassie, like real men.
I got greedy, Shawn.
I took everything.
I sure hope none of these patients
get dry mouth.
My god. Is that a bundt cake?
The nurse's lounge was unlocked, too.
- Did you bring forks?
- Come on, son.
- And we're back.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Sweet, man. Looks unusually moist.
- What you doing?
That's yours.
Gus. You're goo-goo'ing
in your sleep again. Knock it off.
What the...
What the hell
are you doing here, man?
I'm a baby, Shawn. It's glorious.
I just finished teething.
Hey, have you ever been swaddled?
It's like a joyful mummification.
What is that? Why are you doing that?
Hey, could you do a quick pivot
and get me out of this diaper?
Because I just filled it.
And I am a little uncomfortable
with how right that felt to do.
Okay. I see what's going on here.
I got news for everybody.
I don't know
how to change a diaper, okay?
I'm not ready for you.
I don't care what my dad says.
Now, what does that mean?
Let's talk about that.
Let's unpack that.
What it means
is that I get why you're here.
But the only thing
I know about fatherhood...
is what I learned
from all eight episodes of Manimal.
What I need to know is...
where do you land on the whole
nurture versus nature thing...
might you offer up your teat?
I absolutely will not.
How about a lullaby, then?
Something in F major, maybe?
Does that suit you, sir
Oy vey.
If I sing to you,
will you go to sleep...
you strange little baby-man?
That's the idea.
- Suck it
- May I please
No, you can't have this teat
- Such a tease
- Suck it
- Just a squeeze
- It's just a figure of speech
- Won't you please
- How can I
Go to sleep
- When I
- But you can't have this teat
Who were you gently
and sweetly singing with?
Gus. You look beautiful.
I'd hug you, but my nappie's packed.
And I could spit up at any second.
You want to hear something funny?
Gus can totally change a diaper.
You must be
out of your damn mind, Shawn.
My point is simply that you have been
ready for fatherhood your whole life.
You dated a woman with a kid.
You accidentally abducted
some other kid.
All you have to do is copy what
your dad did with you, because...
look how you turned out.
That was really sweet, you guys,
in an extremely convoluted way.
But, two questions. One...
is there a ladybug
looking over my shoulder?
And two, is there anything else
that you could please put me in...
so I'm not bouncing here
in my own poop cage?
I don't want to belabor the point,
but it is getting cloggy.
Have you guys ever seen blue?
Gus, are you seeing what I'm seeing?
We got jackaled!
Now, that would be huge
if I wasn't dreaming.
Mary, let me ask you. Mary?
Gus, what is this?
Why are we doing this?
- He's resisting, Shawn.
- Get off of me!
Are you sure?
It seems a bit one-sided.
He's a mer-Man, Shawn! With gills!
I can't hold him down on account
of his slippery, scaly epidermis!
What is wrong with you two?
- Excuse me, sir.
- Are you or are you not a mer-man?
No, I'm not a freaking mer-man!
No gills.
Let me get this straight.
You've just been pretending
this whole time.
No. Not the whole time.
I mean, I still have
some numbness on my right side.
But I can get around, obviously.
And you can't tickle for crap.
Why are you doing this?
Is this an insurance thing?
And is that a cactus
growing out of your head?
No and no.
And stop touching my scar, man.
I gotta wake up. Wake up, Gus.
- Wake up. Come on.
- Gus. What?
We're not sleeping, dude. I think
Baby Mary was a hallucination.
I'm pretty sure
Wilkerson's the real deal.
But we're tripping on something.
Not something. Psychotropes.
You suddenly feel
like you want to confess something?
Yeah. I used to have
a major thing for Jewel.
Even after the Civil War movie
and the Bollywood song.
I mean, the tooth and the van story.
She could yodel.
Somehow, they're getting them
into the patients' meds.
I stopped taking mine,
but it didn't help.
Carlton may have seen a zombie.
Did you know
there are bodies in your field?
- Oh gosh, it's the ice chips.
- What?
That's just diabolical.
They know everything.
That's how they get you.
Hey, look, if they find out
that I'm still lucid...
I'm a dead man walking.
Okay? I have money.
I can pay you guys.
But please, don't give me up.
Not after what they did
to my best friend.
- Devon Tileback?
- Yes. How did you know that?
- We didn't.
- Until now.
You're the silent partner.
Tell us everything you know...
and your truth is safe
in the vault of secrets.
We had an IPO coming up and...
we were cooking the books...
- at the company.
- No!
I... It was Tileback's idea.
- Shame.
- I just... I went along with it.
The lying was killing me.
I was having panic attacks.
The next thing you know,
I'm recovering here from a stroke.
And apparently, I spilled everything
to Herschel during therapy.
Because a few days later,
a guy shows up at our office.
Saying he knows everything.
And he offers to keep his mouth shut.
For a price.
A steep price. Tileback played along
for a little while.
But once the IPO was announced,
they wanted to bleed us dry.
Tileback tried to secretly meet up
with Chief Lassiter...
and they shot the Chief.
They tracked Tileback down and
they cut off his hand as a warning.
He tried to disappear,
but then they found him.
And then, they killed him.
- Who is they?
- I don't know.
They have someone
working on the outside...
doing all their dirty work...
so that they can't be connected
to the recovery house.
Devon was so scared.
And now, he's dead.
And I will be, too,
if they ever see me walking.
Then why are you
packing up your stuff and leaving?
Because obviously,
it's not safe for me here, either.
Hey. Your secret is safe
in the vault of secrets.
- Redundant.
- From one jackal to another...
sit tight until we figure out
who's on the outside.
Because that's the guy
who shot the Chief of Police.
It's Herschel. And his twin.
What? There's one guy
standing over there, Gus.
How many of those ice chips
did you eat?
I just ate the last one.
You kept eating them after we knew
they were laced with hallucinogens?
I can't help it, Shawn.
I run island hot.
Dr. Herschel.
- Woody.
- Hey, guys. How are we doing?
What are you two still doing here?
I get to cover the night rounds.
For Doctor Herschel.
Dr. Herschel's gone?
Tell me that isn't the guy
I was supposed to be watching.
Not to pile
on the criticisms, Woody...
but we're actually trying
to close up this case quietly.
Which means keeping
the evidence hidden...
until we know
who the outside trigger man is.
- This is new stuff.
- What?
Yeah. I went looking
for that Chiclet I coughed up...
you know, five day rule and all...
and I saw that we missed
some of the hidden bandages.
Wait a minute.
Is this a smoky topaz brown earmuff,
or am I imagining it?
I don't know why anybody
would wear a bloody earmuff.
Gus, I know where the outside man is.
Shawn, will you get your hand
off my knee?
Gus, for the last time.
Someone from this ice bar
went to the Herschel House...
covered in blood and got stitched up,
mob doctor style.
Our highly skilled tracking dog along
with an assist from this earmuff...
is going to lead us right to them.
Shawn, we've done
this routine before.
Do you not know
the definition of insanity?
Gus, please. I'm going to
leave the leash on this time.
- So?
- Morrissey.
Smell this muff.
Good news, bad news.
- What's the bad news?
- He ate the earmuff.
- What's the good news?
- He clearly took on the scent, Gus.
Body and soul. And he will now
lead us to the owner of said muffs.
Come on, son.
I'll be damned.
You're almost there, man.
Come on, man.
- That's the way to do it.
- What?
It took four minutes for you
to get inside that window.
Juliet Spencer O'Hara.
Shawn, I have never been
more angry with you.
- You can't be angry.
- Why?
Your blood pressure, obviously.
What? My blood pressure is fine.
What are you doing here?
We are trying to solve this case
so that you don't get busted.
We have evidence that
the guy Lassie thought he imagined...
is actually real,
came from this place, and is a VIP.
More importantly, what are you
doing here? You shouldn't be alone.
I'm not alone.
I wasn't gonna let her
come here alone.
And where's this evidence?
Currently? Morrissey's stomach.
- Or in his intestines.
- Either way, it could...
come back up at any time.
What's your lead?
The final bullet that shot Lassiter.
- I found it.
- And I found the gun.
With the information
she didn't directly give to me.
Nice, babe. I'm proud of you. Now...
is there anything else
you'd like to say to me?
- Yes.
- Wait.
Alright, I'm ready.
The slug was traced
to a rare Norwegian-made pistol.
Registered to Ova Asblorn.
No, not that.
Ova? The bar owner?
No. He's just a sweet retiree...
the second chapter of his life...
owning a mountaintop watering hole.
- We're talking about Ova Asblorn?
- Jes.
The Butcher of Bidou?
- The Butcher of what?
- No, "Bu-duh". Purse your lips.
That's a dope nickname.
Unless he's an actual butcher,
then it's a little on the nose.
No, Ova's a gun runner.
A drug dealer. An extortionist.
Ran a major crime syndicate
in Norway.
At least, before he almost died.
I used to run a different business.
Please stop touching my scar.
Oh my gishen, Gus. Ova had a stroke.
He was a patient
in the Herschel House.
He's the outside man.
And Lassiter's shooter.
Which means
Dr. Herschel's on the inside...
digging out the dirty secrets
of his rich-ass patients.
Feeding it to Ova on the outside
to shake down the victims.
Nobody ever put those two together.
- And we just figured out...
- Until now.
- the final piece.
- Dance.
Wood on wood. Dance.
- Could you do it?
- Guys?
I guess it's not Ova.
It's Ova.
- Yeah, but it's not Ova.
- Shawn, it's Ova.
- Gus, this is nowhere near Ova.
- It's Ova right there, Shawn.
That dog doesn't care about anything.
Okay, we've got to get out of here.
Come on, dude. Did you just
put on a dead man's earmuffs?
He can have them back
whenever he wants them back, Shawn.
Got him.
Per. Pern. Per.
What am I looking for?
- Per. Yes.
- I have to roll the "R" like that?
Per. Listen to me, man. I see it.
That's Per. He's my son.
He's already displeased with me
and my career choices.
Your dad. Sweet old Ova. Right?
He suddenly has a stroke
and then, boom.
He wants to go down
the straight and narrow?
He wants to turn over a new leaf
and he gives up the family business.
- What?
- What are you saying?
I waited my whole life for my moment.
Right. Fathers.
They disappoint us, man.
That's what they do.
Trust me, I know.
Sometimes, in very rare cases...
the hospitals that care for them...
use their secrets
to blackmail their families. Right?
They tried. But I changed the deal.
Made myself a partner. (Norwegian)
You're going
into Norwegian again, man.
- We don't have the...
- Your friend, Lassiter?
He got too close.
Didn't think he'd make it
after I shot him.
Chief, help me out here.
What is he saying?
How should I know?
- Aren't you Swedish or something?
- No.
Then, did he see my face?
Did he remember anything?
There's only one way to find out.
Get him into the right recovery home
and watch him.
What are you guys doing back here?
How many of you are there?
- Selene?
- Gus?
I went to the hospital.
I saw her. Your nurse.
- What?
- Yeah.
I don't hate her. She's kind. Pretty.
I mean, I really wish
she wasn't your choice.
- She's not my choice.
- You just stay here!
Stop. All of you.
There is only one way this ends...
so let's just get on with it.
She dies first.
No, you won't! Shawn, step back.
You will not shoot my wife.
She's pregnant.
- What?
- Jules.
I know. And I'm ready.
That's a lie. I am not ready.
I am not even sort of ready.
But I mean, I figure...
once the whole two year
gestation period plays itself out...
- I mean, how far along are we?
- Shawn.
I'm just trying to figure out
how much time we have.
I have.
We're not talking hours, right?
Like, nothing's gonna break
and start cascading, right?
- Nothing like...
- Shawn...
if this is some sort
of weird distraction move, stop it.
Step out of the open.
I'm not gonna
let you shoot Shules' baby either.
What's a Shules?
You people are making my head hurt.
Shawn, step out of the open
or I will shoot you myself.
I am not pregnant.
Can you two figure this out
in your own time?
Sweetheart, I get it.
You wanted to tell me yourself.
But I saw
the pregnancy test in your car.
- What?
- Excuse me?
May I speak to my friend, please?
By all means.
Gus, I couldn't find you
for two days.
You went radio silent on me.
And I wanted to see how you really
felt about us before I told you.
Told me what?
The pregnancy test is mine.
Praise be.
I know you hate
the late night routine, Carlton...
but bottoms up.
Hey, I don't recognize
any of these pills.
That's because
those ones are different.
Those are designed
to make you go to sleep.
And if you don't take them...
then I will just throw a shot
of this into your drip...
and Bob will still be your uncle,
I'm afraid.
Go for it.
Have it your way, Carlton.
That gorgeous black friend of yours
and his sidekick...
are not gonna make it back.
They were easy to manipulate.
Truth be told, I like you, Carlton.
You've got soft lips
and a chestful of hair...
plentiful enough
to wig all of Destiny's Child.
So, trust me when I say this is
the last thing I wanted to do today.
How can you be mixed up
with something like this?
Mixed up? Right, this couldn't
possibly have been my idea, right?
I mean, as a woman,
I must have been compromised...
or forced to participate, right?
This was all my idea. All my baby.
And that boy scout, Herschel,
couldn't be more oblivious.
And all you had to do was lie there
and eat those ice chips.
But, no.
You and the get-along gang just
could not leave well enough alone.
Open your eyes, Carlton.
You're not going anywhere.
I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to put my foot down.
I think I'm done.
I'm no good to anyone like this.
I can't think straight. I can't walk.
I'm just so tired, Pop.
Is it your daddy? Is he back?
You tell him
you're gonna see him very soon.
So tired.
Think about Marlowe.
Think about Lily.
- They need you.
- Like I needed you?
I'm so sorry that I wasn't with you.
But I promise
I didn't miss a single thing.
The day you caught your first fish.
When you hit your first
and only home run.
- It was a foul ball.
- I know.
I wasn't gonna tell anyone.
I was dead.
I'm so proud of you, Carlton.
You said you were gonna be fine.
You said Lassiters tough it out.
I never got to say goodbye.
It was supposed
to be a routine bypass.
It was a blood clot.
But you? You have a choice.
You are not done yet.
What if I don't get better?
How am I supposed to teach Lily...
how to fly fish
with just one working hand?
You will get better.
So, live for us both.
Be the husband and father
that I didn't get to be.
You've got to fight, Carlton.
Fight for your family.
Fight for your queen.
I'm just so tired, Pop.
Just let me sleep for ten minutes.
That's it. Sweet surrender.
It's all gonna be over soon.
Carlton. Get up.
Don't give up, Carlton.
Open your eyes.
Goodbye, Carlton.
- That's my boy.
- How did you get that gun in here?
He actually has three.
One in the chair.
One in the fireplace.
And one right up the shoot.
Little John Dilly.
Dad, I got this. And I forgive you.
I'm sorry, I just miss you so much.
And I am damn proud to be a Lassiter.
You have the right to remain silent.
He could go by Danger.
He could go by Shaft.
He could go by Shafty.
He could go by D'Shaft.
That's God's comma.
Yes, it does.
It has the God's comma in it.
- Excuse me, Shawn. Yes?
- Can I talk to my baby's daddy?
- Of course.
- Thank you.
- Good boy, son.
- Good boy, son.
How are you feeling,
my little chocolate chippy chip?
I'm fine. You know
I didn't really faint before.
I was just resting my legs.
Yes, rest those legs.
Now, listen. I know
all of this happened very fast.
So. Burton Guster...
will you...
Time out. Selene, I think...
you've flip-flopped
the situation here.
- Shawn.
- You're ruining everything.
This is exactly
how I imagined it would go.
- I'm gonna be a godmother.
- Chief.
She's my best friend.
So. Burton Guster...
will you make me
the happiest woman on this planet...
on Earth and Pluto...
- And Pluto?
- And marry me?
Yes. I will do that.
Selene, will you marry me...
and protect me
from spiders and polar bears and...
agree to live next door
to Shawn and Jules...
and have connecting pools
in our backyards...
and a lazy river
running through our living rooms?
- That's a ton to unpack.
- It is.
You know what? Yes, I will!
You sure you're not upset
about the whole no-kid thing?
What? Not even a little.
- I love you. You're my person.
- Yeah.
Now. We just have
one tiny little detail to iron out.
- What's that?
- I'm still married.
- What?
- Don't worry about it.
- We'll figure it out.
- What...
How does it feel?
This is gonna be fun?
You guys go ahead.
I'm gonna stay behind.
Wait, here?
Yes. I spoke to Butterfly.
She just wants me
to live my best life.
Also, she hates me.
I think this is
where I'm meant to be.
From now on, I will be Dr. Catalon.
And you two are sworn
to keep my secret.
Excuse me. Dr. Catalon.
I'm sorry to say I'm a bit flummoxed.
There appears to be someone here
claiming to be you.
Gentlemen. The door.
Carlton, that is
what they call a collar's collar.
And I knew...
the second they admitted you
to this beautiful facility...
that someday, you'd find a way
to discharge your weapon inside.
Thank you. Both of you.
- What for?
- How much time you got, Henry?
Are you ready to see Marlowe?
The question is,
is she ready to see me?
I think she's ready to see you.
O'Hara, I made her go away.
I know you did.
Couldn't stand the thought of her
seeing me like this one more day...
stuck in that bed.
And stuck in this chair.
That woman is the greatest thing
that's ever happened to me.
- Agree.
- To agree.
Hello, my love.
Stop. Please.
I'm sorry. Did I...
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
I just wanted to look my wife
in the eye when I said...
"Let's go home."
- I love you so much, babe.
- I love you.
Bye, Pop.
There he goes!
Hey, wait up! Sir, stop!
Buenos dias.