Psycho Brother In-Law (2017) Movie Script

- But why do I have to leave?
- I promised my brother
we'd go fishing.
You know how it is.
- Yeah, I'm starting
to get the hint.
- Come on, Eric!
Ditch the girl and let's go!
- Sorry, little brother.
- Any time, Eric!
- My lady?
You're amazing.
But, sadly, I must go.
- You better call me later.
- I knew it!
- Whoa, whoa!
Who are you?
- Her boyfriend!
- Boyfriend?
- You're dead!
[ girl screams ]
- Mike, please stop!
Mike! Stop!
You're gonna kill him!
Mike, stop!
Help! Somebody help!
- Hey!
- Well, who's the little dude?
- David, get outta here!
- Get away from my brother!
- Okay, tough guy.
Just don't hurt me.
This ain't over!
You're still dead.
- David, no!
Stop! Stop!
No! No!
What did you do?
David, what did you do, man?
- Hey, I'm making
a grocery list.
What sounds better?
Salmon or Tri-tip?
- Yes, yep.
No, I'll get
that over to you ASAP.
I'm on my way.
Coming in early,
leaving late... again.
Don't worry about me, babe.
Just get whatever you want.
- You could always take it
for lunch tomorrow.
- Yes. No.
We'll discuss that in
the meeting as well.
Okay, see you soon.
It's gonna be a
late one, babe.
- Okay.
I can always just work
on my memoir.
"Life of a Tech Widow".
- The price of success, huh?
I'm sorry.
It's just I got
a lot on my mind
with this meeting
with the bank.
- Shh!
Hey, breathe.
You've got this.
[ sighs ]
- Look, I promise it's not gonna
be like this forever.
- I know.
And I want to promise
you something.
If you make me go through
all this loneliness and struggle
and then dump me
and our daughter
for some 19-year-old model
the second you get rich,
you will find us on an
episode of "My Crazy Ex".
[ laughs ]
[ phone rings ]
- Oh.
Hon, I gotta go.
- We still on for
date night tomorrow?
Or am I spending another
evening alone
with Channing Tatum
and his thong?
- I will be there come
thong or high water.
- Hey, speaking
of high water...
- Oh, yes!
The washer.
- Yeah.
- I'm on it.
Sorry, I'm running late.
Hopefully, that daughter
of ours is ready to roll.
- If it's too much,
I can drive her.
- No, it's my
one contribution.
- Bye, Mr. CEO.
- Bye, Mrs. Tatum.
We got to go!
[ dialing phone ]
[ phone rings ]
- You've reached Eric Campbell.
I'm not available
at the moment.
Please leave a message.
- Hey, don't forget
to ask Floyd about
that repairman
he recommended.
We've got to get
this washer fixed.
It's starting to smell
pretty ripe down here.
[ phone beeping ]
Anyway, good luck today.
And I'll...
I'll figure it out. Bye.
Hey, Liz.
- Ready for wine?
- It's like 10:00
in the morning.
- It's 10:30 a.m. somewhere.
- That is not how
time zones work.
- Anyway, I called
to let you know
we're short on volunteers
for the fundraiser
and the Creole
food vendor is out.
- What?
- Yeah.
And this mathletes coach
is being very agro
about the whole thing.
- I'm on my way.
- So, wine later?
- God, I hope so.
[ school bell rings ]
- Hey!
'Sup, nerd?
- The sky, dork.
Thought I told you to stop
sneaking up on me like that.
- I like to watch
you bend over.
Or I can bend over and
help you grab the books
that I made you drop.
Also, I think
I saw your mom here?
- Perhaps for PTA stuff.
- Ah, still trying to get you
into that math competition.
- Why? Are you jealous
'cause my mom loves me?
[ scoffs ]
- No.
It's just every afternoon,
you're playing
with those numbers when
you could be playing with me.
That's all I get?
- Sorry.
I'm gonna be late for class.
- No, you're not.
[ bell rings ]
- See you later!
- We are really
close on volunteers.
We just need
about three more.
And to replace the food vendor
for the one that dropped out.
Liz, I want you
to call Rosalind.
She's a caterer
I've worked with before.
She's great and she should
be available last minute.
- I'm on it.
- As for the rest of us,
let's all vow to bring in
at least two people each?
That should cover us.
Thanks, everyone.
Let's have
an amazing fundraiser.
[ applause ]
Thank you.
Post them up all over
and everywhere, okay?
- Yes.
I thought you wanted vino?
- Liz, purse wine is for movie
theaters and public beaches.
Not school parking lots.
You have a problem.
- Being responsible
is the worst.
Ooh, did Eric talk
to his people at Vapor?
- He says he feels weird asking
for money from his employees.
Says it would be untoward.
I don't know.
- How are you guys doing?
- Same.
- Yikes.
- He works a lot.
And by a lot, I mean,
that's literally all he does.
- It must be hard on you.
- I'm alone a lot.
He wakes up before me
in the morning
and sometimes he comes home
after I go to sleep.
Feels like we're living
two different lives
just in the same house.
- Hmm.
- But he's doing this for us.
It's a good thing.
- He got any attractive
female coworkers?
- What do you mean?
- Come on.
He's working late,
ignoring you.
I mean, I'm assuming you're
not tearing up the sheets.
- No. That's... no.
Eric's not like that.
- I mean, I didn't think
Ash was like that either.
Now the twins spend every
other week with Ash...
and Becky.
Look, you're the one
holding this relationship
together right now.
And that's okay.
Just make sure
Eric's meeting you halfway.
Because you can try and
try to save this relationship
all by yourself.
But one day you're gonna
wake up and realize
you don't want it anymore.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey, Liz.
- Hi, honey.
- I'm starving.
[ laughs ]
- Let's go home, kiddo.
Okay, Liz.
See you.
- You two take care.
And, Kay, keep your eyes open.
[ phew ]
- How was your day?
- Pretty good.
I solved a ridicka-crazy
equation in class today.
My teacher was
pretty impressed.
- "Ridicka-crazy"?
- That's right.
[ woman screams on TV.
Kay gasps ]
[ doorbell rings ]
- Oh, my God.
- Yes, ma'am.
- How long has it been?
- I don't know.
So long, you almost
didn't recognize me.
I'm sorry to drop in
so late.
I just got
into town this minute
and I didn't have your number.
It must have changed.
- No, no, no.
Come in, come in.
- Okay.
[ kettle whistling ]
Thank you.
- Thanks, sweetie.
It's perfect.
I love that shot.
- Yeah?
- So you were saying that's
the year you moved up to Alaska?
- Yeah, yeah.
It was right around
that time, I think.
You know, I still can't get
over how grownup you look.
[ chuckles ]
- Not so grownup.
- She's very mature for her age.
Very responsible.
- Probably more responsible
than I was at that age.
- Tell us the story about a time
you and Eric got into trouble.
- Oh, no, no, no.
He would not want me to do that.
Yeah, I started doing
the whole crab fishing thing,
and making good money.
And then
it's the off-season now.
So I figured why not go down,
visit Eric, see his family.
It's been a long time.
- Crab fishing?
I hear that's pretty dangerous.
- Yeah, it looks insane on TV.
- Yeah, it can be dangerous.
I saw a guy disappear once.
- Oh, my God.
What happened?
- He was standing by the railing
at the edge of the boat.
The waves started
getting bigger.
I yelled something to him.
But then the boat pitched.
And then he was just gone.
One minute, someone
was standing there.
The next, they weren't.
I didn't even have time to
reach out and offer him help.
- So what happened?
Did they ever find him?
- No.
- That's awful.
- Yeah.
But to be honest,
he wasn't a very nice guy.
Anyways, it feels really
nice to be making
a solid living for once,
you know.
- Yeah, that's great, David.
- But enough about me.
It looks like we got
a math wizard on our hands?
- We sure do.
- I was always
terrible at it.
- Oh, me too.
She definitely gets it
from her father.
- Yeah, well, Eric was
always good with numbers.
- Yeah.
- Well, it's a shame
to have missed him.
I don't want
to impose on you all.
So I should probably be
getting back to my motel.
- Wait. Are you kidding?
David, stay with us.
- I make good money,
so it's not an issue.
- No, it's not that.
You're family.
We have a guest bedroom
for a reason.
- Not sure what Eric
would think about that.
- I'm sure he'll be
excited to see you.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
[ laughing ]
- I think you're right.
Hey, you're home early.
- Yeah. I thought
we could actually
have dinner together for once.
- Look who's here.
- Hey, Eric.
How's it going?
- Hi. When did you...
- He works in Alaska now, Dad.
Crab fishing like
in the shows you watch.
Me and mom made him stay.
- Which I knew
you would want, right?
- Yeah, absolutely.
Well, just excuse me a minute.
- Eric.
Sorry. I...
Let me just...
- It's okay.
- Eric?
Eric? Hey.
[ rock music plays ]
- Are you kidding me?
How do you not like this song?
It's awesome.
- I hate it.
I mean, I just hate it.
Come on, Uncle Dave.
Can I pick a song?
- Be my guest.
I'm gonna go grab a beer.
- Okay.
- Are you excited
for sundaes?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Remember on our first date
I had a craving
for a hot fudge sundae?
You drove me to every
restaurant in town
trying to find
sundaes at midnight.
Why are you mad, babe?
- I'm not.
- I don't understand
what's going on.
You love your brother.
You only every have
good things to say about him.
- Of course, I love him.
I just...
- What?
- I just... I'm surprised,
that's all.
My head's in my work.
- You should have seen
David's face
when you walked away from him.
He was crushed.
- One of our presentations
fell through.
We're way, way behind.
I just didn't expect to see
my brother who I haven't seen
in a million years
in my living room
when I got home from work.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
You married a jerk.
- No, I married a sweet guy.
Now go be that sweet guy
to the brother
you haven't seen in
a million years.
- Okay, all right.
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
- Can I have one of those too?
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey. Let's just give them
a minute, okay?
- Hey, sorry I haven't...
- No, don't... don't worry
about it, man.
- Thank God we had a daughter.
[ laughs ]
- A perfect daughter?
- An absolutely
perfect daughter.
[ giggles ]
- She doesn't know
what happened with me?
- No, no.
- Just so you know, man,
that was like
a really long
time ago, right?
I'm totally
straightened out now.
Got a great job,
seeing a therapist,
taking meds.
I don't know, man,
I feel like 100%, 110%.
I get it.
If I were you,
I'd be concerned too.
But I just want you to know
that like it's all good.
- Want another beer?
- No, no. I'm good.
- Let's get back to the girls.
- Yeah.
- Oh, hey, there's a fishing
spot outside of town.
It's beautiful.
I'll take you there once things
kind of slow down at work.
- Yeah? Sounds good.
- Actually, how long are you
planning on sticking around for?
- I hadn't really
given it much thought.
- Watch yourself there,
bright boy!
You'll get yourself hurt
bumping into people.
- Excuse me?
- David, don't, all right?
Just... David, just don't.
- It's cool.
- Okay.
You have a safe night, sir.
- That's what I thought.
- You guys ready
to come sit down?
- Yeah, yeah, we'll, uh...
we're coming.
- Okay.
- That's a hell of a nice
family you got, man.
You got it all.
- Thanks.
I appreciate that.
- You should.
- Hey, what happened
at the bar?
I thought David
was gonna deck that guy.
- Just some drunk
that was, uh...
bothering me.
- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
David's just protective.
- Hmm.
- Babe, I'm sorry.
I'm really tired and stressed.
And I have to get this done
then get some sleep.
- Are you sure?
- Seriously, Kay,
I'm exhausted.
Just let me
finish this, please?
- Okay.
Maybe tomorrow
after date night?
- Yeah, definitely.
Oh, God.
I've made you resort
to scheduling sex with me?
- Hey, whatever works.
- 'Night, babe.
- Hey, I'm sorry too.
For not asking you
about David staying here.
- Oh, that's okay.
I mean, why would you know
there was a problem?
- Is there a problem?
Is there something
going on between you two
I should know about?
- No.
We're good.
sweep out wide,
down rise, exhale.
And strong down to the heart.
Again, just like that.
Big breath. Inhale.
Exhale coming...
- Oh!
- Hey, sorry.
- Hi.
- I just came to ask where
you like to keep the skillet.
- Oh, just under the stove
in that little drawer.
- Right.
I like that instructor.
She's great.
- You do yoga?
- Yeah, and meditation.
Gotta stay sane.
[ chuckles ]
Anyways, it looks like
it's treating you well.
- Thanks.
Glad somebody finally noticed.
I mean, not to sound like
an idiot, but, you know.
You work all hard and
finally get in shape,
and then nobody cares.
Nobody's come to my door with
a congrats on the abs trophy.
- Well, I'm sure
Eric appreciates it.
- Sure.
- As in you look healthy
and relaxed, you know.
- Yoga's a liar then.
Because I don't think
I'm ever really relaxed.
- Right.
Well, you've got a lot
on your plate, so...
Anyways, I made you a smoothie
and it's in the fridge
for when you're done.
- You really don't
have to do that.
- It's not a problem.
Just trying to help out.
Anyways, I'll get
outta your hair.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
- I was gonna run some errands
and head over to school soon.
Wanna come with?
Keep me company?
- Yeah, sure, yeah.
It would probably be good
for me to get out of the house
and see the town a little bit.
See where my niece
hangs out all day.
- Let me shower
and eat real quick.
- All right.
Awesome sauce.
- Awesome sauce?
- I guess Laura's been rubbing
off on me a little bit.
- I don't think teens say
awesome sauce anymore.
- No?
- Mm-mmm.
- Cool beans?
Do they say that?
[ laughs ]
- No.
- I don't know then.
- Yeah, just right in here.
- Great.
- Oh.
- Oh, good. You're here!
We were just talking
about how to, um... hi.
Who's this?
Just dropped in for a visit.
David, Liz,
a good friend of mine.
- Hi.
- And Fran, a fellow PTA member
and hardworking parent.
- David, so nice to meet you.
I didn't realize
that Eric had a brother.
- Yeah. He doesn't talk
about me much.
I guess I'm pretty boring.
[ laughs ]
- Seem pretty
interesting to me.
- Uh, David's offered
to help in any way
he can with the fundraiser.
- Oh, thank you
very much, David.
I know that I could
definitely use some good help.
- Okay, then.
So what's on the agenda?
- I don't get it.
What are you afraid of?
- I'm just not ready
to go there yet, Ron.
- Oh, hey, here comes
your mom with some dude.
- That's my uncle.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey, Mom.
Uncle David, what are
you doing here?
- I figured I'd help your
mom out with some errands.
She's got a lot on her plate.
- Oh, yeah, between
doing yoga and watching TV.
- That's what you think I do?
- Your mom prepped all
this week's meals.
She cleaned the house.
Swung by the DMV and took
the car into the shop.
She got very scary with
the teller at the bank
and planned your fundraiser.
That's just this morning.
You don't even realize
everything that she does
because she hardly
breaks a sweat.
I mean, your mom's
a pretty groovy gal.
[ laughs ]
- Groovy.
- Sorry. Who are you?
- I'm her boyfriend.
- Well, just meet us by the car
when you're ready, okay?
- Yeah, okay, I'll be
there in a minute.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah. Take it easy,
Uncle Dave.
That's your uncle?
What a cuck.
- He's actually really cool.
- Oh, yeah, right.
Well, can he do this?
Aw, damn it!
- And why would he want to?
You know, it's a good
thing you're cute.
Otherwise, I'd dump you just
for knowing the word "cuck".
- I'm cute, huh?
[ chuckles ]
Hey, give me a real one.
- So how did Laura
end up dating that guy?
- Oh, she says he's some sort of
music prodigy and idiot savant.
- Hmm.
- Damn it, Eric!
- What's wrong?
- Well, he refuses to pay full
price for this repairman
and he only wants to use
someone his friend recommends.
But he keeps forgetting
to ask for the number
and this is really
fascinating for you
and not boring at all.
- If you notice water dripping
from your line,
you can save time by
tightening it yourself.
To complete this process,
you'll need a pair of pliers
or a pair of channel locks.
- There.
- Remember, everyone,
safety first.
- There!
- Uh-oh.
- Thanks. I, um...
I obviously have
no idea of what I'm doing.
- I'm pretty sure I can fix it.
I've always been a DIY
kind of guy
so Eric could focus on
being the smart one.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Well, I should call Eric
and tell him we don't
need the repair guy anymore.
- Yeah, you don't
need him anymore.
I don't get it.
I don't understand how
you get it so easily.
- I like numbers.
- Apparently.
Now can we wrap this up and
watch "Goonies" already?
- Okay, okay.
Just a couple more.
- Wow, you clean up nicely.
- Thank you.
- She always gets all
dolled up for date night.
Which I don't know why.
You guys always go
to the same restaurant
and then the movies.
- Hey, be nice to your mom.
- When you don't have
very many opportunities
to look nice, you find them.
- Well, you do look
really pretty, Mom.
- Thank you.
We'd better hurry up,
or we're gonna be late.
- So how often is date night?
- Barely ever.
Okay, so when you're solving
for an unknown equation,
you have to start with what
you already do know.
- Right.
- Seriously?
Why didn't you call me sooner?
Sure you will.
Okay, bye.
[ crying ]
Well, um, I guess it's one
more for "Goonies", you guys.
I'd better call the restaurant
and cancel the reservation.
- Wait. I'll go with you.
- No, don't be silly.
We shouldn't be
spending money on movies
and restaurants anyway.
Hi, yes. I had a reservation
for tonight...
- Come on.
I think Eric would agree
that you deserve a night out.
- Hi, yes, um...
I just wanted to confirm
a reservation for two.
[ no audible dialogue ]
- Just saying that's now
how they do it in Alaska.
- Well, I'm sorry it didn't
live up to your fish standards.
- I'm just messing with you.
- You sound just
like your brother.
- What? Picky?
- [ chuckles ]
Eric's always been
a little bit uptight. I know.
- Aw, not always.
I mean, not when we first met.
- I don't know that story.
- Well, we met at a party.
A friend introduced us.
I liked Eric right away.
I thought he was so handsome.
But Eric was,
I don't know, standoffish.
He barely said hi to me.
I thought he hated me.
But as the night went on
and the drinks were flowing,
we kept stealing little
looks at each other.
Finally, he asked me to dance.
I have to tell you,
the first time we touched,
it was like an actual physical
spark flew between us.
I'd never felt
anything like that.
We just knew.
We just knew.
We were so happy.
We were dancing
and laughing like kids
and jumping around
and being crazy.
And then we fell
into the pool.
And I kept trying to hide
my face and swim to the side.
But Eric just pulled me
right up to him and kissed me.
And then he took
off his clothes
and I took off my clothes.
And other people started
diving into the pool.
And we were skinny-dipping in
the middle of all these people.
It was wild and...
That was Eric.
Wild and free.
I bet you were
like that back then.
- Not quite.
To you.
And being free.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Get your ass to the car,
all right?
[ laughs ]
- Oh, hey, looking
super cute, you two!
Oh, okay. Sorry.
I totally thought
you were Eric.
- Oh, no.
Sorry, it's me.
- Oh, no. It's just you guys
just looked super cozy.
Anyway, you having
a good time?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Best time I've had
in a long time, actually.
Great company.
- Oh, like when I fell asleep
halfway during the movie
and drooled on your shoulder?
- Yeah.
Well, I usually hang out on
a boat with a bunch of crabs
and a guy named
Three Tooth Jack.
So your drool is the best thing
to happen to me in like months.
- I'm just really excited
to be out of the house.
- Well, you guys are
super lucky.
I just came from what
was possibly the worst date
in the history of dates.
Thank you, internet.
- Hmm.
- Anyway, nice
to see you both.
And thanks for showing
this one a good time, David.
She needed it.
- Yeah, that's
what I was saying.
- Oh, and give
Three Tooth Jack my number.
Sounds hot.
- Oh, uh...
He is not.
You tired?
Or do you wanna go grab
a sundae or something?
I'm sure there's probably
an ice cream shop
around here somewhere.
- Uh, no.
- Right.
Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
- I'm just saying, that
would never really happen.
- It absolutely could happen.
Yes, I have a friend,
actually who...
- It's past midnight.
Laura told me what happened.
You guys have a good time?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Fantastic time.
- Good.
You know, bro, why don't we go
on that fishing trip soon?
Grab a beer maybe
later this week
when the girls are
at the fundraiser?
- Sounds good.
- Good.
Goodnight, bro.
Coming, babe?
- Yeah.
Just a sec.
- Okay.
- I had a nice time.
- Me too.
Have a good night.
- You too.
- So you had
fun tonight, huh?
- Yeah.
It was nice to have
an evening out.
- Sorry I had to cancel.
We don't have
to cancel everything.
- Eric, I don't know.
- Come on.
- Have you been drinking?
- I had a drink.
- With who?
- We were going over strategy.
It was a partners thing.
- You canceled date night
for drinks?
- Baby...
- No.
Is that all that was going on?
- What? What are
you asking me?
- Are there any relationships at
work you want to tell me about?
- When I say I'm working,
I'm working.
- Okay.
[ sighs ]
- Hey, good morning.
- Morning.
- Are you off somewhere?
- Yeah. I was gonna
take a run.
I need to de-stress.
- You think you want to come
with me to school again today?
- I might pass on
that, actually.
There's just some personal
things that I want to attend to.
- Totally get it.
No worries.
Do your thing.
- All right.
[ door opens ]
[ school bell rings ]
- So your mom's still cool
with us going out tonight?
- Yeah, but I can't
get home too late.
- I'll get you home early.
5, 6, 7 a.m.
No later, I promise.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Oh, hey, Mom.
- They need me to stay
later to handle
some stuff with the vendors.
Do you mind waiting?
- I could take
her home, Mrs. C.
- Oh, yeah.
I could just go with Ron.
- Okay. I'm gonna be
home in an hour
and I expect to see you there.
- Mrs. C., of course.
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
- Do you know how much
damage we could do
to each other in an hour?
- You are such a perv.
- Ron, I gotta go.
- Let me come in.
Nobody's home and
we got some time. I...
- Thanks for the ride.
I want to look extra special
for you tonight.
- What do I know
What do I know
What do I What do I know
What do I know
I am a fool
Take me to school
I am a fool
[ thudding ]
[ thudding continues ]
[ screams ]
Oh, hey, Laura.
- This is a fundraiser
for a school event.
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
Those are our rates.
I can ask my manager to see if
we can cut anything else back.
But that's a ballpark.
Let me know.
- Okay.
Can you believe that?
- People mystify me.
[ chuckles ]
Look, Kay...
You're my best friend
and I want you to be happy.
But just make sure that
what you're doing
is what you want to do.
- What do you mean?
- You and David seemed
pretty, uh... intimate.
[ cell phone buzzes ]
- Sorry.
I have to get this.
Hey, Laura, sweetie...
What's wrong?
Oh, my God.
Stay there.
- Kay, where are you going?
- It's David.
Something's wrong.
Laura, where are you?
- Here, Mom.
- You're turning me into
a mummy right now.
- I'm trying to do it right
if you would sit still.
- Hey, you guys.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.
- What's going on?
- Sorry to tell you,
your daughter's probably
not going into the medical
field any time soon.
- I'm literally doing
the best I can.
- I'm just kidding.
Thank you.
- What about the emergency?
Laura, you sounded so
panicked on the phone.
- Sorry.
I saw the blood and I...
- I was trying to move that
mirror down in the basement.
And I don't know what happened.
It flipped and I tried
to catch it, and it just...
- Shattered into like
a million pieces.
- Well, not a
million pieces, but...
- Okay, but a
few thousands at least.
- Right.
- Anyway, it was loud
and I heard him scream.
And I didn't know
anyone was home...
- I scared her.
- Yeah.
- And apparently
we scared you, so sorry.
- Yeah.
Well, you sounded really
panicked on the phone.
- Yeah, sorry, Mom.
- Are you sure you're okay?
You don't need to go
to the ER or anything?
- Oh, no.
Look at me.
Maybe she is ready
for med school.
[ laughs ]
Or at least art school
or something
because my hand kind of looks
like a Paper Mache tree stump.
- Oh, it's getting late.
I have to change.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- I feel like there's something
you're not telling me.
- I, uh... I lost my job.
- What?
- Yeah.
- The crab fishing gig?
- Yeah, yeah.
The whole company shut down.
- David, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay. You know...
I'll get another job.
- I was gonna get you a glass
of water, but you need booze.
- Hell yeah, I do.
- Here you go.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I remember when I lost my job.
- Are you kidding me?
What kind of idiot boss
would want to fire you?
- I mean, I didn't lose it.
I left.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
After I got pregnant,
Eric and I thought
it'd be better for one of
us to be home, and...
- It wasn't gonna
be Eric, was it?
- No.
- No.
- Hey!
- Ooh!
I am so sorry!
- Oh, my God,
what are you guys doing?
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
- Please let me...
- Hi, honey.
You look great.
You did a good job
with your uncle's hand.
Don't listen to him.
- Yeah, I know.
- God, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
[ car honks ]
- Well, I gotta go.
Try not to destroy
everything in here.
- I'll try not to.
- I should go. Soak this.
It's gonna stain.
- Yeah, probably.
And I should go
clean up the glass
that I broke
downstairs too, so...
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Hey, what are you
doing tonight?
- Uh, what any clumsy
badass would be doing.
Watching chick flicks
with you?
- You're on.
- Okay.
So what did you use to do?
- I was a paralegal.
Sounds boring,
but it was exciting.
Following hunches,
doing deep dive research.
Helping change peoples' lives.
- You miss it.
- Mm-hmm.
- I bet you were good at it.
- I kind of always thought
once Laura was grown,
I'd go get my law degree.
- Well, you should do that.
- Really?
- Yeah. I'll help you.
- You'll help me?
- Sure.
- How?
- I don't know.
I'll be your housewife.
- Stop.
- I'm serious.
I'll fix things
and clean things.
And keep you filled up on
smoothies and ice cream.
- From "Deadliest Catch"
to "Desperate Housewife", huh?
- Why not?
- Wouldn't that be something?
[ dryer buzzes ]
I'll be right back.
- Thanks for tonight.
- Yeah, yeah.
Can I get a goodbye kiss?
- Yeah.
- No backing out this time?
- What am I doing?
- Wait. Slow down.
- Ron, stop!
I'm sorry.
I'm just not ready to go there.
I should go.
- No. Wait.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Ron, stop it!
- Don't do that!
- Oh, my God!
Please stop it!
- David!
What are you doing?
Stop it!
[ police siren blares ]
- Mom, are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Look, I'm trying
to work with you.
Should we run tests?
I just want to make sure
we're covering all bases.
- Officer, I know my brother.
He was just defending my
daughter from being assaulted.
- Mr. Campbell,
he hospitalized a minor.
- He--
- Hey.
- I know my brother overreacted.
He's just very protective.
- What he is is lucky.
Now since the boy's
injuries weren't that serious,
his father isn't
pressing charges.
Says he thinks his son
deserved the whipping.
- So you're not taking
David into custody?
- No, ma'am.
But with his record,
he better watch himself.
I'll be back
to finish your statements.
Excuse me.
- I don't know.
- What?
- I get he thought
he was protecting Laura.
But you didn't see him.
He was acting
like a crazed mad man.
- And that Ron kid
is a little bastard.
I've had a bad feeling about
him from the beginning
and David only did
what I would have done.
- Yeah, but you're never here,
so you didn't do anything.
- You're right.
You're right.
- Laura, honey, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay, Mom.
- Come here.
Come here.
Why didn't you tell me
David has a record?
Tell me the truth,
Eric, please.
- Babe, we've had
a long day.
- Eric...
- Let's get some rest...
- Eric, if you don't tell me,
I don't know what I'm gonna do!
- David was just trying
to be a good brother.
He was just trying
to protect me.
I was being bullied.
He had a baseball bat
and he hit the guy, okay?
And he accidentally
killed him.
- Are you kidding?
He's a murderer.
- No, no.
No, babe.
We were kids.
He was just trying
to protect me!
- I can't believe you didn't
tell me this a long time ago!
That's just wrong!
Eric, I am your wife!
- Honey, I know, but,
look, we were kids.
I just figured that...
- You just figured what?
What, that I didn't
need to know
that my husband's
brother's a murderer?
- It was manslaughter.
- Oh, whatever!
Eric, he looked like he was
gonna kill Ron tonight, and...
- And what?
- And I'm not comfortable
with him being here anymore.
- Okay.
Yeah, you're right.
I'll talk to him tomorrow.
Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm gonna go sleep in the den.
- No, no, no.
No, don't.
I'll go.
I'm sorry.
I should have
told you sooner.
[ crying ]
- I said I wanted a double.
- Think you've had enough, man.
[ glass breaks ]
- Hey, man,
what's your problem?
- What's up?
- Hey, Scotty!
Come on!
- Hey!
[ grunting ]
You thought
I forgot about you?
Huh? I didn't.
- I knew the minute I saw
my brother again,
I just got the feeling
that something was...
I just wanted to be wrong.
- I'm sorry, too.
- Why?
You didn't do anything wrong.
- Eric, I have
to tell you something.
I started to have
feelings for your brother.
- Are...
Are you in love with him?
- No, no.
He's your brother.
I mean, he's-- it's like
he's a part of the family.
And he was here.
I admit I enjoyed his company.
David seemed
to really care about me
and what I had to say.
It felt good to not be
alone all the time.
- Did something happen
between you...
- No, no.
It wasn't like that.
But I think
he's falling for me.
I... I should have read
into things more.
I mean, how standoffish you
were when you first saw him.
I should have known.
- No.
I should have told you
the truth from the beginning.
I guess I was just trying
to protect him.
He's my little brother.
But I just...
I can't do that anymore.
I don't want
to lose my family.
- Me either.
- I don't want to lose you.
I'm gonna work less.
I'm gonna be home more.
I want to be there
for you and Laura.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
- Sorry you had
to sleep down here.
- Look, I'm gonna tell David.
I'm gonna break
the news to him.
- No. Maybe we should
do it together.
- No. No, no, no.
It needs to be me.
We have our
fishing date today.
I'll do it then.
- Where is he?
- I heard him come
in late last night.
God knows what he's doing.
[ heavy breathing ]
- Morning, Kay.
- Morning.
- Hey, wait.
Would you like my company?
- No, I'm good.
Besides, you finally got
that fishing trip with Eric.
- Right, right.
That mythical fishing spot.
[ chuckles ]
Well, I'll believe it
when I see it.
- Anyway, I should go.
Laura's waiting in the car.
- The fundraiser's today,
isn't it?
Didn't you want my help
with that?
- No. I mean, it is,
but everything's done.
- Hmm. Okay.
- Hey, bro.
Today's the day.
- Hey.
- You know, I thought Kay needed
my help with something actually.
Didn't you want...
- We have it all worked out.
Don't worry about it.
You off the hook,
pardon the pun.
Have fun, boys. Bye.
- Bye.
- All right, let's go.
I blocked
the whole day off for you.
[ sighs ]
- So this place does exist.
[ chuckles ]
- Yeah.
You want a beer?
- Nah, I'm good actually.
- All right.
Great day, right?
- Yeah, it sure is.
Thanks for inviting me out.
I know you've been busy.
- Of course.
- Oh, hey. So nice to see you.
- Hey.
- Hey, how come you don't
do any of this at home?
Your uncle isn't here.
And he won't be there when
you get home either.
- I love Uncle Dave.
- Of course.
- But last night,
he really scared me.
- Your dad's taking care of it.
You can always give
your uncle a call
and say goodbye later.
- Yeah.
Oh, hey, Amanda!
- Hey.
- Hey.
How is the soap opera
that is your life?
- About to get a lot less soapy.
David's leaving today.
Eric's talking
to him right now.
It's all very awkward,
but it's for the best.
- And you and Eric are...
- Gonna be really, really great.
He changed his work hours.
So he's gonna be home more
and I'm gonna take a civil
procedure course online.
- Oh, getting your little
legal feet wet again, huh?
[ laughs ]
- It's just a start, but at
least we're working together.
So we're both happy.
- That's great news.
And I'm glad that David's
gonna be moving on along too.
- This will all
be over soon.
- So, you know,
I been thinking.
Things are starting to get
a bit hectic at the house.
You know,
Laura's gotta start cramming
for that math competition.
- You want me to leave.
- I think it's time
to move on.
- Move on?
To what?
- I don't know, man.
Your life?
- This is because of what
happened, isn't it?
With Laura's boyfriend?
- You did beat a kid up.
- He's not a kid.
He's as big as us.
And he's a punk.
You said it yourself.
You didn't see the way
he was manhandling her, Eric.
- Look, David,
you got my wife and
my daughter freaked out, okay?
And now Kay knows what
happened with Mike...
- You told her about that?
- I can't defend you anymore.
- You can't defend me?
[ laughs ]
You can't defend me.
That's really funny.
Because the last time
I checked, I defended you!
I saved you!
You'd be dead if
it wasn't for me!
- Hey, we don't know that,
all right?
Mike, he was just
trying to scare me.
- You didn't see Mike!
I did!
He was dead set on killing you,
and I saved you!
- Okay, David,
just wait, okay?
Like I know that you
think that...
- You don't know anything!
Saving you got me
real far in life.
Did you know that, hmm?
Getting sent to institutions?
My whole future ruined?
Getting beaten up in prison
and forced to take meds
that zonked me out to the point
that I didn't know who I was.
- David, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, you're really sorry?
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
You got to stay in school
and be the star student.
Date pretty girls
and go off to college,
and get a great job.
And now have
an amazing home and family?
And what do I got?
What do I got?
I got nothing, man!
I've got nothing!
I've got a crap job in a cold,
dark place alone!
I never could meet anyone.
Was too afraid to
even talk to people
all because I saved you!
- You can't keep blaming
everything on that!
- Yes, I can! I can!
And now you're just jealous
because your daughter sees me
as the father she's never had.
And your wife?
Mmm, she loves me.
- You are delusional!
[ gunshot ]
- Sorry, brother.
[ cell phone beeps ]
- Hey, Dad,
we did great...
- Hop in.
- Where is my dad?
- He got caught up
with some work stuff.
Sent me instead.
- I thought mom said
you were leaving.
- Yep. I am soon.
Hop in.
- Yeah, okay.
- Made you one of my smoothies.
- Thanks.
- I think it went really well.
- Yeah, we made our goal
and then some.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
- You said David
and Eric were fishing?
- Yeah?
- I just saw David
pick Laura up.
- Eric said he'd
pick her up on his way home.
Did you see him?
- It was just David.
Well, I mean,
I'm sure it's fine.
- Sure.
- What did you give me?
- It's okay, sweetie.
Just sleep.
We'll be home soon.
[ cell phone rings ]
- Babe, please just call
or text me back
as soon as you can, okay?
- Laura's not
picking up either.
- I have a terrible feeling.
- Maybe they
just went to dinner.
- Eric was with his brother.
They went fishing.
Eric was gonna
tell him to leave.
- Okay, but do you really think
that David would hurt Eric?
- I don't know.
- I'm sure everything's fine!
- Eric?
Eric, are you here?
Laura, oh, Laura.
Oh, my God.
Laura, baby, come on.
Come on, wake up.
We gotta go.
- What happened?
- We have to
get outta here right now.
Can you swing
your legs around? Come on.
- I can't...
- How did this happen?
- Uncle Dave.
- Okay. Do you know where he is
or where your father is?
- I can't...
- Okay, okay,
it's okay, it's okay.
Come on.
We gotta go.
Okay, okay.
- Mom...
- Shh. Shh.
We're almost there.
- Hey, Kay.
- Where's Eric?
- He's gone.
Oh, you woke her up.
You see, I thought it would be
a lot better if she slept.
This is gonna be
a tough transition.
- Damn you, David,
tell me where my husband is!
- Hey. Calm down.
- David, please just...
tell me where my husband is.
- Let's not pretend that
Eric was some sort of
fantastic husband
or father, all right?
We all know that he wasn't.
We all know that I've done
more for this family
in the short time that I have
been here than he's ever done.
Admit it, Kay.
Admit it!
When I came here,
you were empty.
I saw it in your eyes, Kay.
An empty soul with a void
that needed to be filled.
Filled by a real man, me.
I deserve this family,
all right?
Eric? He's done nothing
to deserve you!
- Did you kill
my husband, David?
- Oh, please, you two.
he's not worth
a single one of your tears.
- Answer me.
- Please, Uncle Dave,
just let us go.
- No, mm-mmm.
You're not going anywhere.
You finally have
a real man in the house.
- It's okay.
It's okay.
[ whistling ]
- Son, are you okay?
What happened?
[ coughing ]
- Oh, my God!
You've been shot!
I'm calling 911.
- My wife and my daughter...
- David?
I know it's been hard for you.
And I know it's been unfair.
You're right.
Eric does owe you.
If not for you,
he would have never
had the opportunities
that he had.
He would have never
had the life that he had.
You rescued him.
You gave him his life.
I see that.
I see you, David.
You deserved better.
You sacrificed yourself
for your brother
and, in return,
they stole your life.
It wasn't right.
I agree with you.
You are a better man
than Eric.
He hasn't been there for us,
for me, in years.
I've been basically
a single mom this whole time,
handling everything
to do with the family
with zero help from him.
He broke my dreams, too.
My career.
And the happiness
I wanted to have at home.
I've been so lonely.
I would be lucky to have a
man like you around the house.
I can't wait
for the life we talked about.
And I could become a lawyer
so that I can protect you.
Imagine that.
Somebody defending you
for once.
And you'll be here,
always here, for me
in our home together,
our family.
- That's all I want.
- Uncle Dave, having you here
has been good for me, too.
You talked to me
and you cared about school.
Dad never did.
I felt like I could rely on you
when you stood up for me.
Mom was right.
It's like you're
my dad already.
- Thank you both.
Hey, it's all gonna be
different now.
So you want me to stay, yeah?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- David, this
is gonna take time.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, okay.
- Ah!
- Sit down!
- Laura!
Are you okay, baby?
You sick son of a bitch!
- Eric is dead!
Your old life is over!
It's me now and, as soon
as you can accept that,
we can move on with our lives.
- Leave my family alone!
- I am your family!
[ police sirens ]
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, what have you done?
No, no, no, no.
- David, just
let Laura go, okay?
Please, I'll stay here
with you.
I'll protect you from them.
Please just let her go.
[ heavy breathing ]
- Freeze! Drop your weapon!
I said drop it!
[ gunshot ]
- Ah! Ah! Ah!
[ Laura crying ]
- It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
- House is surrounded.
EMT has been dispatched.
- This is Unit 447.
Suspect is under control.
- ...has been wounded
and apprehended.
- Hey, Mom?
- Oh!
Honey, let me help you.
- No, no.
No, I got it.
I spent a lot of time
on this recipe
so I want to make sure
it is served properly.
All right.
- Thank you.
- There you go, ladies.
Dinner is served.
- Looks amazing, babe.
- Thank you.
So how's it feel to be
the math champ of Brisbane?
- It feels pretty great.
[ laughs ]
- Sorry I had to miss it.
Mmm, pretty good recipe.
So the biggest question with
both of my ladies in school,
who's gonna watch
Channing Tatum movies with me?
[ laughing ]
- Maybe the neighbors.
- The neighbors?