Pure O (2023) Movie Script
1
[RAIN PATTERING]
[MAN OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
Right after I kill her,
I come back to my senses.
I see that I've murdered
the person I love most.
Unable to live with myself,
I decide to commit suicide.
[SIGHS]
[TAKING SHUDDERING BREATHS]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
[CRYING]
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
The philosophy.
I understand both philosophies.
I think that the answer
is a bit more complex than that.
I think that, um...
Yeah.
So then why are you here?
To get... away
from all this existential shit,
to get out of my head
and into my body.
Do you feel that
you're being too cerebral?
I told you that I'm depressed,
didn't I?
You think I'm self-diagnosing?
Do you think
you're self-diagnosing?
My sister thinks I am.
I don't know.
- How was work with rehab?
- Fine.
What about music, filmmaking,
your creative pursuits?
Fine, fine. It's pretty much
everything right now.
I have been focused
getting screenwriting work.
Okay.
Good. Well...
I feel that you are depressed.
But you don't have depression.
I just proposed to the love
of my life. And she said yes.
I should be happy.
But I am crippled with fear.
All I do day and night is worry,
about the unknown, the what-ifs,
convince myself of the worst.
And, uh, it plays out
like a horror movie in my head.
And whenever I'm able
to calm myself down,
it's only temporary.
It always leads back to anxiety.
I have these crazy thoughts,
these irrational scenarios
that play out in my head.
I mean,
it seems so fucking real.
Like, uh, what if I get
so depressed I hurt Emily?
Physically.
Well, it sounds to me
like you're presenting
mentally with OCD.
I don't...
clean doorknobs
or step over fucking cracks.
I'm just... I'm just depressed.
The depression is
just a byproduct.
It's like... a symptom.
OCD is an anxiety disorder.
I don't have a mental illness.
I'm not some
clean-freak hypochondriac. I...
[STAMMERS]
This is situational.
That's not
the only way OCD works.
There's a mental side to it.
It's called "pure obsessional."
It only works
through mental compulsions.
So, what does that mean?
You need to be working
with an OCD specialist.
Here.
I want you to call this office.
Set up an appointment.
[SIGHS]
[]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
What's going on,
little Looney Tune?
[EMILY]
Just over at my mom's.
Her and Steve wanna
have us over
to celebrate the engagement.
Yeah. No, of course.
That's super sweet.
Oh, how was therapy?
- It was fine.
- You don't have to go into it.
- I was just asking.
- I'll tell you more tonight.
All right, baby.
Have a good shift. I love you.
I love you too.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
ON STEREO]
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF, MUSIC STOPS]
[GROANS]
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, dude.
She's so fucking excited, Coop.
She called me crying,
she was so happy.
Thanks, Tess. What the hell
are you doing out here?
Oh, just another day
at Transform Malibu
on an Easter egg hunt for
a bottle of peppermint schnapps.
Meryl ratted Brandon out
in therapy this morning.
Said he had it delivered
over the fence.
- Okay. Let's go look for it.
- Will you help me?
Doc's got all these kids
way overmedicated.
- I know.
- It's wild.
- We talk all the time.
- It's wild.
- What's up, partner?
- Welcome to the Octagon.
Jesus. What?
Yeah. Your boy
went mental today.
- Who?
- Who do you think?
- Brandon?
- Bingo.
Well, I found his delivery
in the bushes.
- [SLATER LAUGHS]
- Nice.
What is it now?
[SCOFFS]
He found out
you were leading
group riding today
at morning check-in,
the guy lost it.
Flipping couches, screaming.
"You got me all fucked up."
Sweet. That'll be fun.
[DUKE]
Anything else we need to know?
[LATER]
Well, our favorite
heroin addicts checked back in.
Who?
That doesn't really
narrow it down.
[SLATER]
Come on. Omaha?
Rachel?
She's in the back,
cooling her heels.
I thought she was doing better.
Addiction's a bitch, man.
They send them back--
Familiar people, familiar place.
Relapse is inevitable.
- Is that it?
- Just who's on meds.
- No.
- Come on.
- No. No, no.
- What are you talking about?
- Uh-uh.
- Fine.
- There they are.
- Fuck you.
[SIGHS]
You guys, good evening.
- I'm out of here.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.
- Take it easy. Shaka.
- Shaka, bro.
- Huh? Uh-huh.
[BRANDON]
All fucked up now!
Man, you got me up in here
like I'm some fucking lab rat!
Man, fuck this!
[COOPER]
Solid therapy session?
Speaking of rats!
[SLAMS]
It's okay, Meryl.
Don't say anything.
I knew you wanted
to see us again.
I just didn't think
it'd be this soon.
- It's fucking embarrassing.
- No, it's not.
I lasted, like, no time.
It doesn't matter.
Nobody's judging you.
I fucking let you down.
Hey.
Hey, look at me.
Fuck that shit.
That's toxic waste in your head.
You let no one down. Hear me?
You just helped me so much.
You helped yourself.
We just showed you some tools.
You're here now.
Thanks, Coop.
- [EMILY] Mm
- [SHOWER RUNNING]
I miss my youthful...
[EMILY CONTINUES SINGING
INDISTINCTLY]
Hello.
They figured a way
They'd pay you to play
- [SIGHS]
- You've given me
All of your time
I miss my old-school...
They always knew what to do
I miss the kid
In the back of the room
- [HUMMING TUNE]
- [LAUGHS]
- Toonzy.
- Hey, you. How you doing?
I know that I love
My Toonzy
And I know my Toonz--
Ooh!
You think you're getting
in here?
- Yeah. Why?
- On one condition.
- You charging admission?
- Hey.
You can't say anything
about the temperature.
- How come?
- My shower, my rules.
My God, I got
a parking ticket today.
- What?
- Yeah. Yeah.
And you know
what occurred to me?
This thing, this genius idea
is if we move to New York City,
we'd have to take the train,
and we wouldn't use a car.
I'd never get a parking ticket
again. Try this.
- Yeah?
- Mmm!
- It's good, right?
- Mm-hm.
I got it
at the farmers' market.
Oh!
- Your mom and Steve okay?
- They're fine.
Steve's a little
under the weather,
but, you know, same old.
Did your mom freak out?
Um...
Kind of. I don't know.
She kind of made it
about herself,
you know, like she always does.
I'm sorry, baby.
Hey, listen, I was thinking
that maybe you could finish
chopping the vegetables for me
so I could start on the salad.
I hate chopping the vegetables.
- Yeah, sure. Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]
My pleasure.
[GROANS]
I don't know,
maybe I'm overly sensitive to it
because she's been like this
my whole life. You know?
She's always been this way,
and it's not like
she's gonna change, you know?
Sorry, I've gotta go pee.
It's okay.
[HUMS SOFTLY]
[EXHALING SHARPLY]
[SUCKS TEETH, EXHALES SHARPLY]
[FAUCET TURNS ON]
[FAUCET TURNS OFF]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[MAN ON TV]
This is no laughing matter.
If there'd been an accident,
I might've landed in jail.
[WOMAN]
With your uncle
a police vice president?
[MAN]
More than ever.
I never got it licensed.
- Should've been handed in.
- Babe.
- Incidentally...
- Yeah.
[DIALOGUE ON TV
CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
She diagnosed me today.
Yeah?
[SUCKS TEETH]
Okay.
[TV TURNS OFF]
[SIGHS]
What did... What did she say?
[SIGHS]
Hey.
Hey, whatever it is,
we'll get through it.
Does she, um...
Does she think that your
depression is clinical or...?
No, she thinks I have OCD.
- OCD?
- Mm.
- Really?
- That's what I said.
Sorry, I don't understand.
You don't have any of those...
tics or rituals or anything,
do you?
Uh-uh.
No. I don't know.
- I don't know either.
- Okay.
Hey.
We've got this. Okay?
You don't
have to go it alone or...
- I love you.
- I love you too.
I'm so lucky to have you.
[MOANS SOFTLY]
- Hey.
- Hey!
- There you are.
- I'm so sorry.
- Traffic was the worst.
- No, no, it's fine.
- Congratulations, honey.
- Thanks, J.
I'm so happy.
Oh, yeah.
- So you took the knee, mate?
- I sure did.
Giddyap.
Thanks, man.
Listen, we're here to help
with the planning.
Whatever you guys decide.
Just know that, okay?
I appreciate that.
- I love you guys.
- We love you.
And you know,
once there's a baby on the way,
you're gonna get
a lot more help.
Yeah, I know, I know,
one thing at a time, but, uh,
hey, you are family now.
[TOY CARS SKITTERING]
[WOMAN]
No, stop that.
[SCREAMING]
Just being alone with all this,
that's been the hardest part,
I think.
That has to be
really difficult for you.
We all only save ourselves.
Well, that's
a lonely philosophy.
That's because it's true.
Lonely doesn't have to mean sad.
If you like yourself.
[CHUCKLES]
Touch.
So why don't you tell me
what you already know about OCD.
Just what I scoured
on the Internet.
When I started
reading articles about Pure O...
my face dropped.
I knew in my heart
that's what I have.
Okay. And that's
a normal reaction, right?
Just knowing
what we're up against,
like, makes us feel better
about it a little bit, yeah?
You haven't asked me
about my story yet.
Would it help you if I did?
I don't know.
I thought that
that's kind of how this worked.
Okay, why don't we switch it up?
Why don't I tell you
what I think happened,
and then you can tell me
if I'm wrong.
Okay.
Okay.
So it started with a thought.
A horrible thought.
Something dreadful.
Maybe you thought
that you'd harm someone.
Maybe you thought
you did something horrific
or were capable of it.
And this thought was totally
against your self-identity,
but it started to consume you.
And not in a casual way,
but in the most intense way
you've ever experienced.
The more you tried
to push that thought away,
the stronger it returned
and just became
this incredible
source of anxiety.
You tried to hide it
from everybody that you know...
because just the thought of it
frightened you to your core.
You were afraid
you'd be judged for it,
you thought the people
who loved you no longer would,
that you were vile and depraved.
So you tried to bury it.
Eventually you realized
you couldn't do that anymore,
so you told somebody
that you were close to.
And then it was out there,
right? It was no turning back.
Then you got into talk therapy,
which just
made the problem worse
because talking about it
ad nauseam
just made you
really hate yourself
and destroyed
your self-confidence.
How am I doing so far?
Hey, listen, I want you to know
that I'm not doing this
to make you feel
like a number, okay?
I'm doing this because
the first rule of treating OCD
is that the content
doesn't matter.
It's completely irrelevant.
Right? There's POCD, pedophilia.
There's HOCD, homosexuality.
There's hit-and-run OCD,
existential OCD, harm OCD.
There's ROCD, which is centered
around romantic relationships.
- I mean, the list goes on.
- Well, yeah.
Definitely got
those last two or three.
And that's my point.
They're all exactly the same.
Just thoughts.
Right?
And what I'm gonna teach you,
and this is really important,
is that no matter how much
your brain tries to lie to you
and tell you that it's about
the content of your thoughts,
it's not.
It's about your reaction
and your relationship
to those thoughts.
I see.
Things don't make us anxious.
Anxiety is a state of mind.
Does that make sense?
I think that you'd benefit most
in group therapy.
Why is that?
Late onset is difficult.
It creates an identity crisis.
There's a stigma
that needs to be overcome now.
And so I think
that the group therapy
will mitigate this.
And you need to be around people
who've been managing this
for a long time.
And then you can see that OCD
is not a death sentence.
Sure. Whatever you think.
I already trust you.
Listen.
You're gonna get better,
I promise.
In this community,
we help save each other.
You can't even surf
on these things.
It's not about that. It's about
getting out on the water.
Paddleboarding is for chumps.
- Then you should be an expert.
- Fuck you.
Hey.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Everybody take it easy.
Cut the shit.
I'll take you both
to a Big Book meeting.
No sweat, Coop.
Just a little bit of tension
is all.
Take a breath, Meryl.
Hey.
Don't let him get to you.
Just focus
on what you can control.
You been good this week?
Yeah. It feels...
better to get out of the house.
I bet, yeah.
Seventy-two-hour detox
is a bitch.
No, it wasn't that bad
this time.
Just too much time in my head.
Well, you know what Slater says.
"In your head, you're dead."
Yeah.
What?
You were right.
About what?
I shouldn't have gone home.
I just...
didn't know any better.
I'm a little lost, you know?
Take that all away
for a second.
All the distractions,
all the bullshit.
What do you wanna do?
If you had a clean slate,
money didn't matter,
what your parents wanted
didn't matter?
No one's ever
asked me that before.
Well, what would
you like to do?
I don't know.
Like, um, I like fashion,
but that's not really,
like, a job or anything.
- What? Sure it is.
- [LAUGHS]
What, you think
clothes make themselves?
No, I know,
but I'm just saying, like,
where I come from,
it's not a job.
Good thing you're in L.A. then.
[MAN ON TV]
What, ever?
[WOMAN]
Forever and ever.
You don't believe me, do you?
Well, here's auf Wiedersehen
to Joan!
[GUNSHOT]
[MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
[TV SHUTS OFF]
[QUIETLY]
Hey. You should go to bed.
Rodney.
Uh, OCD lifer.
I've been, uh, managing
this thing since I was, like, 8.
Been through it all,
one point or another.
So mainly HOCD in my early 20s.
Thought I was gay.
Uh, but ended up
in conversion therapy
before I put it together,
so yeah.
And I'm currently here for
a flare-up of a hit-and-run OCD.
So every time I drive,
I convince myself that
I cause a car accident, so...
Yeah.
Liz.
Like all of us,
plenty of traits
go back to childhood,
but I wasn't diagnosed
until sophomore year of college.
Before that,
I spent years in talk therapy
just exacerbating
my compulsions.
Since I've been diagnosed,
been through a lot of them.
There's hit-and-run OCD,
there's OCD surrounding
starting a fire,
skin picking.
I'm here because
I'm an elementary school teacher
struggling with pedophilia OCD.
Hey, I'm Jake.
I'm an alcoholic.
[LAUGHS]
Sorry, wrong meeting.
Just kidding.
I've been dealing with OCD
for about 15 years.
Combination of pure
and physical.
Started out with contamination,
scrupulosity OCD,
which is based in religion.
Uh, recently, I've been dealing
with magical thinking,
and in particular,
the irrational thought
that if I don't perform
certain rituals
in certain ways,
my son will die.
So um, yeah,
it's been a lot of fun.
Okay. Thanks, guys.
Um, Cooper, feel free
to go in depth if you like.
Whatever you want.
So Cooper, obviously.
Uh, about a year ago,
my mom got really sick.
She has an autoimmune disease,
was in the hospital.
My mom means a lot to me.
My father left to start
a new family when I was young,
so she raised me.
Anyway, things got
really bad for her,
to the point that I had to book
my travel plans to say goodbye.
And that same week,
I lost my job.
Production on a film
I wrote fell apart.
Point is, I shut down.
I didn't know
how to handle it all.
And I had the thought
cross my mind
for the first time in my life
that maybe it would be easier
to just give up.
My mom ended up
making a full recovery,
but for the next
five or six months,
I became consumed with anxiety,
thinking I was suicidal.
But I didn't say anything
to anybody.
I kept it all inside.
It was a fucking nightmare.
There was nothing I could do
to stop it.
And around that point,
I had the thought
that what if
instead of harming myself,
I harmed my girlfriend?
Uh-huh.
It's morphing.
What?
That's what it means
when the OCD jumps from
- one obsession to the next.
- Yeah.
Okay, okay,
so I guess it morphed.
As hard as things already were,
that's when it started
to eat me up.
I was able to rationalize
if I ended up hurting myself
once it became about...
the woman that I love.
Even then, kept it all hid.
Until one day we were leaving
this grocery store
and I walked by this little...
kid, this little boy.
And I had--
The image flashed across my mind
of me stabbing the boy
in the face.
[NORA]
You're in a safe space.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Hmm...
I'm sorry.
We left the store, and I just
collapsed into my girl's arms.
I told her everything.
Got into talk therapy.
[LAUGHS]
You guys know the rest.
She's been great, my girlfriend.
She's--Fiance, actually.
We just got married.
We just got engaged.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Sorry.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah. Congrats, man. Ah!
Thanks, thanks. Thanks, guys.
Um, that's the thing, though.
Now I've been struggling
with relationship OCD,
picking everything apart.
Wanting it to be perfect
before we get married.
I've also developed
pretty severe health OCD,
thinking I have cancer
for no reason.
We are all perfectionists.
That thing just comes
with the territory.
- Well, thank you, Cooper.
- Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man.
We've all been in
your position before. All right?
So just big steps, bro,
all right?
You're in the right place.
[DOOR OPENS]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
How did the group go?
Still going.
Wanna smoke?
I have this disconnect
where I think how I should feel.
Yeah, but if you take
an analytical approach
all the time,
you're bound to see the world
through a gray lens.
But it's like
the numbers tell you so.
Heartbreak is just
the law of averages.
The numbers are insignificant
unless you can decipher
how they affect something
as a whole.
I don't understand that.
I'm saying love is a choice.
Hope is a choice.
You just said
you're in love with her.
I am.
Em is a great girl, dude.
You think you're the first guy
to ever spin out?
But what if that's
all a relationship is?
Shit that you have
to constantly overcome.
We're talking about love.
It's not
a permanent state of bliss.
[CHUCKLES]
Look.
I don't mean to get
all hippie and shit, but...
you gotta find joy
in the journey.
What are you doing here, man?
What do you mean?
What are you doing
at this rehab?
I went to college with Tess.
She thought
I'd be good at this.
No, I know all that.
That's not what I mean.
What are you doing
in this rehab?
I don't follow.
Everybody here has to be here.
The clients,
they're at rock bottom.
I'm here because I'm sober.
It's part of my program.
Slater, sober.
Tess lost her sister
to addiction.
Nobody ends up at rehab
unless they have to.
I don't know.
[]
Why are you still so resentful
about that?
Because I apologized,
I was sincere, and you accepted.
I'm figuring this thing out.
I overthink, I obsess.
That doesn't give you an excuse
to be an asshole.
- That's not fair.
- Know how hard it's been for me
to have a fianc
who's having doubts
but he's telling me,
"They're not really doubts.
- So just be cool. Help me."
- I have to filter out
every thought that passes
through my head.
Do you know
how exhausting that is?
Imagine trying to fix your mind,
but can't trust
the mind that's fixing it.
I'm gonna slip up,
I'm gonna fuck up.
And I'm gonna let things through
that are not real.
It's just my anxiety talking.
But I won't know that
until after the fact.
Right, but if you don't know it,
how am I supposed to know it?
You have to trust that deep down
- it's not how I really feel.
- Oh, I'm trying.
Look, you can lean on me.
Right?
I'm here for you. I've been here
for you the whole time.
I know you have.
It's just hard when talking
about it makes it worse.
I can't tell other people I love
what I'm going through
because they'll just get
so concerned.
And that makes it harder.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your family. I--
Babe, I just think
you're spun out.
I--It's not gonna last forever.
It doesn't feel that way
right now.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
I'm here for you.
I really... I really am,
but our relationship
doesn't get to go on hold.
Right? I need you to show up.
And I need to be able
to express how I feel.
You don't feel that you can?
Honestly, right now, no.
No. I feel like
I have to take a back seat.
- Well, I don't want that.
- Okay.
So tell me.
Go ahead. Whatever it is.
I feel like this engagement
is bullshit.
Like, it doesn't feel real.
Well, I mean it.
Very much.
And I love you.
Okay.
- I know.
- Okay.
And I love you too.
- Okay.
- Okay.
[BOTH]
I believe
That you were made for me
And I was made for you
I believe
That you were made for me
And I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, yeah.
[BOTH PANTING]
- [LAUGHING]
- You okay?
Oh, shit.
- Babe.
- What?
I fucked up my cycle.
We shouldn't have done that.
[SPITS]
See?
Okay. Well...
I know it's not ideal,
but we can go get Plan B.
It's a good thing
you caught it.
I hate that I can't be
on birth control.
The app's been working fine.
We just have to be more careful.
Oh, we have to be more careful?
No, really you maybe have
to be more careful.
[LAUGHS, SIGHS]
Hey, you should be more careful.
You've got a little schmutz
on your face.
Oh, you think I give a fuck?
You think I fucking
give a shit, bro?
I--You do. You do.
What are you doing? No.
What do you think
you're doing? No.
- Where are you gonna go?
- You look like you have rabies.
- Get away from me.
- I might have. Come here.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
We're gonna get into it
when the group gets in,
but how was your week?
Well, today is the day.
Are you ready
for your first exposure?
So excited. I still
don't even get what it is.
So it's about
desensitization, right?
So you're gonna write out
your intrusive thoughts
or record them
and then play them back.
Then you're gonna try
to allow yourself to be anxious
without performing
any compulsions.
That's the most important part.
It's where
all the work gets done.
So make myself more anxious
to be less anxious.
Essentially, yeah. Yeah.
Eventually I might have you
walk around
with a pocket knife
or go to bed with a knife
at your bedside.
But don't--CHUCKLES]
Don't worry.
Don't panic.
You got this.
What's this?
A book for
your friends and family.
It's kind of like the dos and
don'ts of how to help you out.
You should probably
give it a read too.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
[SHIFTER CLICKS,
CAR SHUTS OFF]
[SIGHS]
My OCD attacks my relationship.
Makes me dissect
every aspect of it,
Emily and I,
until I bring both of us
to the point
of complete exhaustion
and we decide to break up.
After we break up, I realize
I've made the biggest mistake
of my life.
At that point, I...
I try to get her back,
but it's too late.
My...
I fall into a deep depression.
My obsessions spiral
out of control
and I end up
in an insane asylum.
All alone.
Driven to the point
of complete insanity,
I decide to take my own life.
- [RACHEL] Hey. Come in.
- What's up?
Duke said you wanted see me.
Um...
It's okay.
What's up?
Um...
Well, you know, like,
what you were saying about me,
like, following my dreams
and all that?
Mm-hm.
Well, I kind of brought it up
in therapy.
- And?
- Um...
I guess there's, like,
some fashion school
called FIDM.
And I was thinking about
maybe applying.
What?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Hell yeah, dude.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
Um, I just don't really know
how to do it,
so I kind of need your help.
Of course.
Anything.
Um...
Yeah, I have to, like,
write an essay,
and then I need
a letter of recommendation.
Okay.
And I know
that you're a writer.
Um, but if you didn't wanna
do that, I totally get it.
Pssh, hey.
I got you.
We're gonna
crush this application.
You hear me?
Yeah, I just didn't, like,
wanna tell everybody else
about it yet.
Mm, you don't want Brandon
to shade your shine?
Exactly.
I won't say anything.
Your business is your business.
- Thank you.
- Big moves.
- [EMILY] Hey, babe.
- Hmm?
How much time we got?
Five minutes max.
Okay. Okay, I'm almost ready.
Oh, uh, Nora gave me this book.
It's for friends and family.
It's about how you can help.
Oh, nice. Um, can you put it
on my nightstand?
Sure.
- Wow.
- Yeah?
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
- You like it?
- Yeah, I like it.
Do I look like a Bond girl?
They'd be lucky to have you.
Or like I'm--
Like I'm in a music video?
[LAUGHS]
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you know,
I can do anything in this.
I can do my body rolls.
I can do my around the worlds.
- Whoo!
- [LAUGHS]
No, but, really, you like it?
It's...
You look beautiful.
I do need five more minutes.
- Just, really, a quick five.
- Baby... A quick five.
So another 15.
- I'm a lucky man too.
- Oh?
- Yeah, you are.
- Yeah.
I mean, zero argument here, right?
- You're so modest too.
- Yeah.
I think modesty
is one of my greatest strengths.
Wouldn't you say? Yeah, you like
that? You like that comedy?
- Anybody need more wine?
- Yeah.
No. That would be it.
Thank you.
- Good.
- No?
[VOICES DISTORT, FADING]
- Oh, he gave up.
- Cooper.
Yeah?
[STEVE]
Give her a hand.
[EMILY]
That's why we keep him around.
[STEVE]
Yeah, he's very handy.
[JANICE]
Well, I'd like to make a toast.
- Um...
- Lovely.
We all love you.
Who you are as people.
Who you are together.
[EMILY]
Yeah.
Just love you.
[CHUCKLES]
- Oh, my sweetheart.
- Oh, here we go.
No, no, no, stop it. Your--
Your mother and I are
just over the moon.
And we can't wait.
Well, Em and I are
so glad to be here
with each and every one of you.
There's nobody we'd rather
be celebrating this with.
Truly. So...
Cheers. We love you guys.
- Love you, Mom.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
One plus one, you splice me
The devil's in the desert
Two plus one, I splice you
The devil's in the desert
Two plus two, I splice them
The devil's in the desert
One plus one
You splice me...
Hey, hey, hey.
Stop the music. Call 911!
[RODNEY]
Oh, dude.
Cooper. Man, I--
I'm really sorry, man. That's--
[LIZ]
Yeah, I'm sure that goes
for all of us.
Absolutely. If it wasn't
a heart attack, what was it?
We don't know.
Hopefully we'll get some results
from the MRI today
and figure out what's going on.
But thanks, guys,
I appreciate it. It's, um...
No. I mean, feel free
to take the rest
of the week off if you--
No, no, this--This helps.
I have to show up for myself
so I can show up
for Emily and her family.
Okay.
Well, I'm at least happy
that your first exposure
is starting to wane.
You ready to step it up?
Ready as I'll ever be.
Hey, what's up?
Is there any news?
[EMILY]
I didn't know
if you were still in therapy.
I'm on my way home.
- Are you driving?
- Yeah.
Uh, we can talk
when you get here.
Okay. Sure.
They don't think
it's the years he smoked.
- So, what then?
- He got cobalt treatment
in the '80s,
and apparently, back then,
they did radiation
from the neck down,
- so that could be it.
- [SIGHS] Jesus.
- When can he come home?
- Uh, later today.
Yeah. Mom's there now.
I can come too.
I'll call work off.
- No, no.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- I wanna help.
I know. There's gonna be
time for that.
I think I should just go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Just let me know.
I wanna help. I'm here. Okay?
[PANTING]
[WHISPERS]
I'm okay.
Fuck it.
Hey.
Where are you going?
What the hell is going on?
She made a rap video with her
drug dealer when she was home.
She's all drugged out
and naked in it,
making out with another girl.
She doesn't remember it,
but it got put online,
- and her father saw it.
- Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
I can't stay late today.
I gotta get to class.
- It's okay. I'll do it. Yeah.
- Thanks. I owe you one.
[CRYING]
[RACHEL]
Hi.
- Do you wanna hear something?
- Sure.
One time I paid 5 bucks
to lick the used spoon
of a junkie.
That must have been a low.
Well, it definitely wasn't
a high.
I guess, technically, it was.
[CHUCKLES]
Dude, my fucking dad
saw that video.
Yeah. He did.
He told me he never
wants to speak to me again.
He just needs time.
He's processing things,
like you are.
Yeah, I know.
We can't control
other people's emotions.
You can try.
It's a quick path
to depression.
Well, I'm already depressed,
so fuck it.
What's one more thing, right?
I get it. I know.
You have to fix yourself
right now.
All the demolition cleanup
from your past...
that's for later.
[SARCASTIC]
Yay. Can't wait.
[SIGHS]
You ready to go back in there?
Um...
just a few more minutes.
Sure.
[SNIFFLES]
Sometimes it's...
hardest to talk to the people
you're closest to, isn't it?
Amen to that.
- How's your essay coming along?
- It's good.
Uh, they want me to write
about a time I had to
overcome adversity. Any ideas?
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oh, FIDM!
- FIDM!
- [YELLS] FIDM!
[]
[COOPER OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
[SIGHS]
I've just been trying so hard,
you know?
[RODNEY]
Yeah.
But I think
I'm finally getting it
that I can't take this on alone.
Yeah, but you're here, right?
Brother, you're gonna be okay.
You are.
Steve's diagnosis has been
making my health OCD
flare up like crazy.
Keep digging deep
and trusting the process.
Just like OCD
doesn't develop overnight,
it takes time to do the work.
But you're killing it, man.
Mm, I don't know.
- Thanks, guys. That's it.
- Yeah?
Okay. Rodney, how was your week?
Aw, fuck!
Well, my week sucked, man.
Yeah. Uh, all right,
so I was already running late
for work on Thursday
when I had this massive spike.
Yeah.
I drove by this car accident
getting off the freeway.
- [COOPER WHISTLES SOFTLY]
- Yeah.
So, uh, I sat pretty well
with the anxiety,
you know, for a few blocks,
but then, uh, I lost the battle.
Yeah. My OCD convinced me
that I caused the accident.
So I drove back to the scene.
How many times did you drive by?
Fuck. Like five, you know?
Fuck, you know?
I wish it was just
the drive-bys though, right?
- Yeah.
- But--So I parked my bike,
joined everyone on the curb,
and I watched the scene.
Yeah. And I started
asking everyone
if they saw what happened.
So reassurance seeking?
[STAMMERS]
Yeah. But I didn't stop there.
I didn't stop there.
Started probing
the police officer.
Yeah. Yeah.
On the scene. Trying to find out
if they had any leads.
- Right?
- No, you didn't. NO, you--
Grab your popcorn.
This shit gets even better.
- Yeah.
- All right.
[ALL LAUGHING]
So an ambulance came, right?
And I ended up following it
all the way to the hospital.
- My God. Rodney!
- Yeah.
Yeah, but before
he got admitted,
I walked in front of the guy
that got into the car accident
to see if he recognized me, man.
Like total weirdo shit, man.
Total weirdo shit.
[CRYING]
I mean, I'm laughing now, but...
But it was shitty as hell,
you know?
I was like, what,
like two hours late for work.
And I spent the rest of the day
convinced--
I was so fucking convinced
that the cops were
gonna come arrest me
any second, man. Right?
Isn't that crazy?
Fucking weird.
How was your week, Liz?
I'm glad you're here, Rodney.
Oh, Jake.
You're gonna be all right, Coop.
Thanks, man.
Fuck, right?
Aw, shit, man.
Yeah. Yeah, fuck it.
[COOPER]
Hey, hey.
Hey, mate.
What's going on in the game?
Uh... Oh, uh...
- Lakers just pulled it out.
- Nice.
Yeah. You want a drink?
I'm okay. Thanks.
Oh, no, it's okay.
I'll have one for you.
So...
I just wanna
address the elephant.
It's Stage 4.
It's aggressive.
I'm pretty much looking
to palliative care.
Okay.
You two take care of Janice.
Gonna fight the hell out of
this thing for as long as I can.
But she's gonna need
a lot of support.
Absolutely. But we're gonna
be here for you too.
- Yeah.
- Okay?
Em told me you know a lot
about this stuff.
I have--Yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
I weirdly have a lot
of cancer knowledge. Yeah.
What do you think
of my chemo hat?
Pretty sharp, huh?
Sinatra.
Sinatra in the flesh.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-"Luck Be a Lady."
- [CHUCKLES]
[BREATHING DEEPLY]
You got this, Steve.
You're gonna be okay.
Yeah.
[SOBS]
I'm scared.
[SOFTLY]
I know.
I don't wanna go first.
[CRYING]
First.
[EMILY RETCHING]
You okay?
So apparently,
the morning-after pill
only works on leftover sperm
and is useless if the sperm
and the egg have already fused.
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, so I'm fucking pregnant.
If we get the abortion, we can't
get it for another two weeks.
How come?
Um, they caught it
so early that...
we have to wait for the embryo
to grow to a certain size,
I guess.
I mean, I'm not--
This isn't, like,
the first time.
- I'm not 19 and we're engaged.
- I know.
I mean, I know that
there's no perfect time. Jesus.
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
- Take all that away.
What's your gut telling you?
I don't know.
I'm confused too.
But I know I love you.
Like a crazy person.
And Steve's dying.
[SOBBING]
Hey. Come here. Hey.
Come here.
[SIGHS]
Whatever we decide...
- You decide...
- Mm-hmm.
I'll be right here.
Always.
Okay?
[SNIFFLING]
Can I use your shirt?
Here, let me help you.
Mmm.
That is so weird
when you do that.
Mm. You like it.
You good?
What?
You just--ou seem really quiet.
It's freaking me out.
I'm just giving you
space to think.
You're over there
writing your masterpiece.
How long have you
and your fiance been together?
Eight years.
Wow.
I was like 10
when you guys met.
Oh, like 10.
Like--Like--Like 10?
"I was like 10 years old."
I'm a junkie, okay?
- I don't know how to do math.
- [LAUGHS]
"I don't do math."
Where you from, dude?
I don't do math.
Two plus two, I don't know it.
- Two plus two is five.
- [LAUGHS]
Two plus two is five,
maybe six, I don't know.
"I'm from Omaha."
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oftentimes you don't see
your rock bottom coming
until it's too late.
I have 29 years. I go to
meetings three times a week.
I'm the CFO
of a Nasdaq-traded company.
Still, there is not a day
that I don't think about using.
Let me leave you with this.
Get out of your story.
Get out
of those cyclical thoughts
that have you thinking
it means anything.
Because it doesn't.
The only thing that matters...
is what you do.
Every choice you make...
is a step toward fear...
or love.
Choose love.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
- That's me.
- Great.
- Okay?
- Thank you.
- Don't be afraid to use it.
- Okay. Thank you.
- All right.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. Bye-bye.
- Thank you.
Dude. She said
she'd be my sponsor.
What? Amazing, dude.
What's that make now,
four or five?
Two, actually.
Probably the same amount
of girls you've been with.
Poor things.
[SNICKERING]
[COOPER OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
[PLAYING "LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE"]
Love me like a fire
And I'll love you
Like a flood
I'll give you
Everything I have
Down to the vapors
In my blood
I'll be your broken levee
If you will be my drug
Love me like a fire, boy
I'll love you like a flood
Love me like an anchor
And I'll love you
Like a rock
I'll give you
Everything I have
Even the things
I haven't got
I'll tell you
That I love you
When you're worried
That I'll stop
Love me like an anchor, boy
And I'll love you
Like a rock
Come on now, love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
That was around
sophomore year of college.
Had a difficult period
with hit-and-run,
uh, and currently
struggling with POCD.
Hey, man, I'm Cooper.
I got diagnosed
a few months ago.
Relationship OCD,
harm OCD, cancer OCD.
Uh, just figured I'd go for
the trifecta right off the bat.
Um, I've been
in your position, man.
I get it. We all do.
OCD attacks the things
that you love most.
But this group is unbelievable.
It's where you're gonna get
the support that you need,
- if you're open to it.
- [SNIFFLES]
Thanks.
- You're welcome, man.
- Yeah.
So, welcome.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, dude.
All right. See you, bud.
- Later, Nora.
- Have fun tonight.
- Hey, Cooper.
- Hmm?
You are making
some serious progress.
I really think you're gonna be
a good resource for Brian.
Thank you. I hope so.
And I think that you're ready
for a new exposure,
but I wanna do it here,
like a one-on-one,
more clinical setting.
Okay. What is it?
I think you should talk
to Emily about it first.
- Okay. Sure.
- Yeah.
It's hard for me to feel clear
- about anything right now.
- Mm.
I'm just getting a handle
on my mental health and...
Steve's fucking dying.
I know.
I keep thinking about that.
Like, the whole "carrying life
while preparing for death."
But outside of that, it seems
like we're leaning towards "no"?
Logistically,
it would obviously be better
down the line.
But is that what you want?
You know, I'm not ready either.
That's not what I said.
I know, but you're
not saying the opposite.
Now it sounds
like you wanna keep it?
No, I--
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't fucking know, I--
I told you, I support you
whichever way we go.
I love you. We're not young,
but we're not old.
We can do whatever we want.
We can...
We can freeze eggs.
We can adopt.
We can...
get pregnant again.
We've talked about
all these things.
Yeah.
You're right.
No. You're right.
We should wait. We should...
We should get through all
your mental health stuff and--
And Steve and all of the grief.
And then...
And then we should reset.
You know, we should travel
and plan our wedding and...
And do it on our own terms.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
[SIGHS]
Hey, dinner's almost ready.
- No rush.
- Thanks.
Wow, this the new series?
[JANICE]
Yeah. I just went up to Matador.
I thought it might help
to put my head
back into work.
Wow, these are...
amazing, J. Seriously.
There's something so...
otherworldly about them.
Yeah. Thanks.
- Oh. Oh, okay.
- Mm-hm.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
How are you?
Em told me
he's not responding
to the chemo very well.
I've made my peace with it
best I can.
I tell you what, though,
managing other people's emotions
is exhausting.
Fuckin' A.
- [LAUGHS]
- Thank you.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I know you've been
going through a lot.
But I appreciate everything.
Of course.
Em told me
what you guys decided.
Are you okay?
I think so.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
That's about as far
as I ever get.
[]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[BRANDON COUGHING]
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Both of you find a rock,
like one the size of a baseball.
- Why?
- Just fucking do it.
- Who made you counselor?
- You're always
challenging everything.
It's fucking exhausting.
[COOPER]
Okay. Okay.
Enough. Just trust me
for a second, okay?
Write whatever you want.
Gonna play along?
All right. I want you
to charge this rock
with all the negativity...
all the pain...
shame...
guilt.
I know it sounds like some
wack-ass shit, Brandon. Just...
bear with me.
And then you're just gonna...
Fuck cancer!
Fuck heroin!
Y'all is corny as fuck.
- [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
- Fuck this ratchet-ass shit.
Let me play something.
No one wants to hear
your country shit.
- You think that's better?
- Yeah.
- That's better than this?
- Yeah.
- This is so good.
- Who you even listening to?
[BRENDA]
Your mom. I'm listening to
your mom. Your mom's new album.
Everything cool?
I don't think so.
I have to call Emily.
- Can you hold it down?
- Yeah.
I'm so sorry, dude.
I--I'll explain to you.
I'll explain it later, dude.
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[BRANDON]
At least I got a mom.
[BRANDON LAUGHS]
Hey.
I'm gonna lead you back.
[]
Hope
Is the strangest of words
I choose
to keep the faith I deserve
The rest is absurd
When the thunder
Crashes down
I will take solace
In the sound
Because serenity
I have found
The angels in the attic
Are breaking my habits
In half
I'm living this life
Like it's my last
In a shade
That is brighter than black
In a shade
That is brighter than black
In a shade
That is brighter than black
In a shade
That is brighter than black
- Thanks for coming.
- Of course.
Well, in my experience,
it hasn't always been
"of course."
This kind of treatment
is often misunderstood.
Well, I... I just wanna help
in any way I can.
So are you ready to try it?
Mm-hm.
Okay.
First thing.
Cooper, pick up the knife.
[WHISPERS]
Okay.
How does that feel,
sitting next to Emily with it?
- I feel fine.
- Great.
Now turn your chairs
so they're facing each other.
[SIGHS]
Okay. Point the knife at her.
How does that feel?
I'm okay.
Now take her left hand,
palm up.
You're gonna place the knife
on her wrist
so that the serrated edge is up.
Hey. I'm fine. Go ahead.
[EXHALES SLOWLY]
[NORA]
Okay.
Sit here for a second
in the anxiety.
Don't let yourself engage
in any mental rituals.
[EMILY]
I'm okay.
Now, both of you stand up.
Cooper, hold the knife...
against her wrist
with the sharp end down.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Okay.
[NORA]
It's totally okay, Cooper.
- Mm-hm.
- We're gauging this as we go.
We won't take it any further
than you're capable of.
No, no, no.
I just--I--I need--
I need--I need a moment.
I'm okay. I, uh...
I'm nervous, but I...
I can still handle it.
Now say,
"I might cut you, Emily."
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CLEARS THROAT]
I might cut you, Emily.
[NORA]
That's amazing, Cooper.
- Emily, you all right?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
[NORA]
All right. Last one.
Cooper, hold the knife
up to Emily's neck.
- What?
- If you're not ready,
it's completely 100% okay,
but I think that you are.
I wouldn't have you doing this
if I thought otherwise.
Mmm...
I, um--I just need a minute.
I need a minute.
- Take all the time you need.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
And again, it's okay
if you don't feel ready.
Your progress today
has been incredible.
Okay, let's do it.
Let's go, let's go. Um...
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
- You ready?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
[EXHALES SHARPLY, CLEARS THROAT]
- No compulsions.
- Mm-hm, mm-hm.
Just let the anxiety be there.
Now say,
"Emily, I'm gonna cut you,
and you're gonna bleed out
and die."
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Oh, fuck.
I'm gonna cut you, Emily.
And, uh...
[INHALES DEEPLY]
- Fuck.
- I'm so proud of you. You can--
- No reassurances.
- Oh, sor--Okay.
[SNIFFLING]
Emily, I'm gonna cut you.
You're gonna bleed out and die.
I'm sorry.
- You're safe.
- [CRYING]
Fuck!
That took profound bravery.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]
- Okay.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed.
It's okay. It's all okay.
It's okay.
I really appreciate
you doing this. I'm sorry.
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Fuck.
It's okay. I've got you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Fuck.
It's okay. You're okay.
You're okay.
You're okay.
[BOTH SIGH DEEPLY]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Thanks for doing that.
I know that was pretty weird.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah, a little, but I get it.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Sorry, how long do you think
until, uh, we can laugh
about this?
[BOTH LAUGH]
Sorry.
Ahem, sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.
No, I'm not, I'm not.
I'm sorry. I'm not
trying to minimize it.
Everything that you just did
was so beautiful
and so vulnerable.
And I'm so sorry.
- Dude.
- I'm sorry.
[LAUGHING]
Okay. Okay. Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
Hey. I'm really--
I'm really proud of you. Okay?
- Yeah. Thanks.
- [LAUGHING]
I really am. Come here.
- Oh!
- [SIGHS]
- All right.
- Mm-hm.
[RACHEL SIGHS]
Here we go.
You got this.
We went over everything.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, dude. Yes!
- So that's it?
- Yeah.
He signed the contract
with the therapy team.
He's fully aware.
No more bullshit
or he gets sent back to County.
Good. That's what he needs.
Scrubbing floors
and Big Book meetings.
This holistic approach
isn't working for him.
[COOPER]
Well, all right then.
Guy's a lost cause anyway.
Let's protect our energy.
- For sure.
- Mm-hm.
[NURSE]
Emily Mansfield.
So both options
are equally effective.
It's just
a matter of preference.
But if we put her under,
we have to come back.
That's right.
Okay.
Do you mind giving us
a minute to decide?
No, not at all.
I don't need a minute.
I don't want
to come back again, so...
[COOPER]
Are you sure?
I think we should
take a minute to process this.
No, I just said
I don't need a minute.
You just heard her.
You know, let's do it.
I don't wanna wonder
if we didn't finish the job.
Okay.
- Local anesthesia it is.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- I'll be back in 15 minutes.
Thank you.
You sure?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You don't have to do it.
No, I know. I'm okay.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, can you distract me?
Can you, like, just--?
Can you just talk?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Um...
- Just talk.
About what?
Um...
What's your favorite day
in our relationship,
do you think?
- Ever?
- Ever. Yeah.
Come on.
- Um...
- [LAUGHS]
Come on.
Probably...
Remember when
we were in Serbia?
Yeah.
And we went wine tasting?
Yeah.
- Remember? Yeah?
- Yeah.
- And we--It started raining.
- Yes.
[LAUGHS]
And we went and we made love
in that castle in Novi Sad.
- Yeah, we did.
- Yeah, we did.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What about you?
- I don't know.
I don't have a specific day
that pops into mind. I just...
I don't know. I think all
the little moments, you know.
Me too.
- Sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
- Are you ready?
Mm-hm.
Yeah. Yeah, right?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yep. Like this?
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.
- You're doing great.
- Okay.
- Now just...
You're doing great.
It's gonna be okay.
- You're doing great.
- Great.
Mm-hm.
[SNIFFLES]
Mm-hm.
I'm okay.
- You're okay, babe. I know.
- Mm-hm.
I'll be back.
I'm gonna pick up dinner.
Okay.
Text me. Let me know
if you need anything.
[YELLING]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, fuck. Oh, God.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Okay.
Oh, honey. What did you expect?
[PEN TAPPING]
Is he coming?
[BRANDON SIGHS]
[SNIFFS]
Here I am, Coop.
What's on the docket today?
Want us to write about
our fucked-up childhoods?
Where's your notebook?
I lost it.
The prompt is: if you could give
your past self advice,
what would you say?
Brandon,
unfortunately that means
you've had to have learned
something before, so...
I learned that you think
you're a fucking fashion guru,
but you ain't shit
but a junkie.
[COOPER]
All right.
That's enough. I don't want to
hear another word from anyone.
The only sound should be
the sound of pens
scribbling on paper.
I didn't start anything.
- It doesn't matter.
- The hell it doesn't.
Take it up
with your therapist.
Whatever.
[VAPE THUMPS ON TABLE]
Put your phone away.
Brandon.
[LAUGHS]
Brandon.
- Give me my fucking phone back!
- No phones in group.
- That ain't yours!
- Get it back after group.
Yeah, well, fuck
your bitch-ass group!
Y'all fucked up now!
I'm really sorry, Coop.
[SCREAMS]
Fuck this goddamn bullshit!
Flip one more piece of furniture
and you're out of here.
- You've already been warned.
- I don't give a shit anymore!
You never gave a shit
in the first place!
You motherfucker!
Tell me I'm wrong.
You don't get it.
You're not sober.
I don't want to talk to you.
- It's just me here.
- Then fuck off!
You signed the agreement.
If you don't come back
and join the group,
you're going back to jail.
Man, you on some shit
I ain't even ever seen before.
You got me all fucked up!
Back up. I'm gonna lock myself
in the office
- and call the police.
- [CRYING, SNIFFLING]
I got two little girls, man.
I know you do.
I'd like to help you if I can.
Why?
You can't help me anyway, bro.
What, you think having us
write in a journal or do yoga
is going to do anything?
I do. I do, yeah.
No. Anybody can come
to a mansion
and find their chi
or whatever the fuck.
It's just me out there, man!
It doesn't have to be.
You don't know
what it's like to be alone,
to feel alone and all that shit.
You'd be surprised.
You got your cool-guy vibe,
your fiance,
living in Hollywood.
You don't know shit
about me, man.
Mm.
But you wanna give me
the sound bites
and the Instagram recap,
go ahead.
That's what this is, right?
We come here,
spill all our bullshit,
and you just throw us
pithy phrases like robots.
You have zero fucking clue
what it's like to have
to trick yourself every day
into actually thinking
you can fix yourself!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Sit down.
You wanna hear my shit?
Sit down. I'll tell you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Been suicidal
for the last year.
Thought I was.
I had lost control of my mind.
Thought I was headed
for an insane asylum.
Turns out I have clinical OCD.
Now I just walk around
with the obsession
that I might go crazy
and slit my fiance's throat
and then commit suicide.
I've also become obsessed
that I have terminal cancer.
This experience has completely
destroyed my self-esteem.
And I think that I'm a total
failure of a human being.
And I oscillate...
between all those thoughts
about once every 15 seconds
of my waking life.
Top of that, my future
father-in-law just died.
Lung cancer.
Then my fiance got pregnant.
Decided to have an abortion.
Now she regrets it.
I can see that she's...
She's totally broken.
And here I am...
talking with you.
Giving a fuck about you.
Exactly because you have
those two little girls at home
who need more than anything
for their father to take
responsibility for his life...
for his disease.
And outside of them,
because you deserve it, Brandon.
Life's been shitty.
And here's a newsflash.
It's gonna keep on being shitty.
And you're right. It is just you
out there, like it's just me.
But it takes this.
Man, it takes this
to help us figure our shit out
and to remember
that life can also be
pretty fucking incredible
sometimes.
Love yourself, bro.
Nobody else can do that.
And either show up here
and do the work
and stop blaming everybody else,
or give this bed to somebody
who gives a fuck,
because me and Tess
and Slater and Duke
will give you everything
that we got.
But you've gotta want it, man.
You gotta want it.
More than anything.
I do want it.
I want it so badly.
I just don't know how.
[SOBBING]
I don't know how.
Take a minute
to gather yourself.
Come back out
and join the group.
Coop.
[SNIFFLES]
Just think about
what you wanna write about.
Okay.
- Sorry about that, guys.
- It's okay.
It's all good. But it shouldn't
have happened, so I apologize.
Thanks, dude.
[SIGHS]
I'm just...
I'm really sorry about that.
I'm sorry too.
Just so you know, I don't really
think you suck at fashion.
[GIGGLES]
[RACHEL]
Thanks, dude.
Thank you.
All right. Show's over.
Fifteen minutes, guys.
[]
You don't wanna marry me?
You?! Get out of here!
Get out! Get away from me!
Chris! Get away from me!
Chris! Chris!
You okay?
Yep.
Okay.
[SNIFFLES]
What's up, baby?
Um...
It's not your fault.
And I need you to know that.
Huh?
What are we talking about
right now?
I feel really clear about this.
Wait, just--Let's--
Let's... go back for a second.
- Can I say what I need to say?
- Okay. Yeah.
Um, over the last few weeks,
I've...
felt my body change, and I've...
I felt life grow inside of me,
and it made me realize
that, um...
I don't wanna wait.
I don't wanna wait.
I don't wanna freeze my eggs.
I don't want to--
I just, I wanna, um...
I wanna have a baby, Cooper.
And I wanna do that soon.
And I can't stay with someone
who I did this with.
And you didn't
do anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong.
You told me...
how you felt, and you were clear
the whole time, and...
I just--I feel differently now.
Okay?
I don't--I don't understand.
[STAMMERS]
- We've gotten through so much.
- Mm-hm.
And now we're at the end of it.
I'm feeling better.
Don't give up. Wha--?
No, listen--
We can work--
We can work through this.
- I don't think we can.
- Let's just talk about it.
I can't. It's not about
communication, Cooper. I...
I have to leave.
I have to leave.
I've been here my whole life,
and you have to stay here.
It's where your dreams are,
and I understand that.
But I have to go.
And I've been sacrificing that.
But I have to go and...
And find something beautiful.
I just have to be free, okay?
So I'm gonna go and I'm gonna be
at my mom's, just so you know.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Hold on for a second. Hold on.
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
Cooper, I have to.
- Okay, I have to go.
- Let's just talk about it.
Cooper. Look at me. Look at me.
This is the hardest decision
I've ever had to make
in my life, okay?
So I have to go.
- Don't go. Please don't go.
- I'll be at my mom's. Okay?
- Okay.
- I'll see you. I'll--
I'll just come there.
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN, CLOSES]
Hey, Nora. It's Cooper.
Call me as soon as you can.
Hi, Nora. It's Cooper.
I need you to call me back.
Hi, Nora. This is Cooper.
I'm trying to get ahold of you.
I, um, really need
to talk to somebody.
Hi, Nora.
Call me back as soon as you can.
It's an emergency, okay? Bye.
[SIGHS]
[GROANS]
[GROANS LOUDLY]
How are you doing with all that?
I understand how she feels.
And if I'm honest,
I could feel it too.
That's the thing, bro.
I mean, just because
you're doing better
doesn't mean she is.
She was probably putting off
her own needs
for a very long time.
That's what really gets me.
I just wasn't ready.
Clearly, she wasn't either.
That's true. Not something
to beat yourself up about.
She's just so shut down now.
Everything is like, "I'm sorry,
Cooper. I hear you, Cooper."
Heard my name more
in the last weeks
than in the eight years
we were together.
- So you guys are still talking?
- Just logistics at this point.
Um, she still has some stuff
she needs to move out,
then we'll break off contact.
I know it's not healthy.
I'm sorry, Cooper.
You just never get
that chance again, you know,
to have your first big love
make it the distance.
Hey, hey, hey. Key word
is "first" big love, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um...
Uh, in brighter news,
I booked a screenwriting job.
It's for a feature. I found out
this week. Yeah, yeah.
I let work know
I'm gonna take some time off.
I'm gonna take my laptop
and travel.
I just booked my tickets.
Three months in South America.
Buenos Aires, Rio.
- When do you take off?
- Next week.
Yeah. He told me last week
he was leaving.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
So this is it, guys.
Time to cut the cord.
You all have
such beautiful, open minds.
And I don't know where I would
be without all your support.
Oh, man. Right back at you, bro.
[CHUCKLES]
Ahem. Thank you.
I really appreciate it, Cooper.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CHUCKLES]
What?
It was no problem.
I was on my way to the rehab.
Oh, congratulations on the--
On the writing job.
You really--
You deserve it, Cooper.
Yeah, thanks.
You too.
Tess told me
that you sold a song
to that indie band.
I don't want it
to be like this.
- Like what?
- Like awkward.
I didn't want--
And I don't want to fight or--
- Neither do I, but I--
- [SIGHS]
I can't just be friends.
Because we're not.
I can't live that lie.
What?
Nothing.
Bye, babe.
Bye.
Cooper.
He'd want you to have this.
Thanks, J.
Uh...
[CHUCKLES]
- Listen, I--You know?
- I know. Me too.
- Take care of yourself.
- I will.
Good.
Thanks for everything.
You too.
[DUKE]
There he is.
- Johnny Hollywood, baby.
- Whoa!
Hey, what can I say?
I'm a badass.
[TESS]
Yeah, you are. Congrats, dude.
Thanks, Tess.
[SLATER]
Off to stuff
those Brazilian babes.
- Oh!
- Ahh!
Come on.
I don't know
if I'm quite there yet, up here.
But, you know, I'll--
I don't know.
[LAUGHS]
- Oh!
- [Duke] Are you ready?
All the clients
are in the living room.
I am. That's what I'm here for.
Potential. That word
says everything, brother.
You're gonna get out
exactly what you put in.
You had some breakthroughs here
towards the end.
Got a long way to go, but I...
I believe in you.
I believe
you're gonna get there.
Just don't give up.
Don't ever give up.
And don't be
such a little asshole anymore.
Okay?
[SNIFFLES]
But seriously, bro.
We're here for you.
Reach out anytime.
- I don't wanna talk to you.
- Yeah, you do.
What am I supposed to do now?
Exactly what you've been doing.
Building good habits.
Trust yourself.
I can't do this alone, dude.
I was never
always gonna be here.
You know it's not like that.
Yeah, but I thought you'd
at least be here until I left.
You're stronger
than you think you are.
It's not about that.
It's about the fact
that I gave in
and I did what you asked,
and now you're leaving.
You can always reach out.
My dad's not talking to me.
All my friends are fuckups.
I still need you, man.
You're just
another fucking letdown.
That's not fair.
Fuck fair. Whatever.
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
Left my spare key
in the desk drawer
- if you need to move it.
- Cool.
Um, this is for Rachel.
I knew she wasn't gonna take it.
Oh, um, I left a curling iron
on my desk as well.
It's Em's. If you could give it
to her, if you see her.
- Sure, if I see her in time.
- What do you mean?
- Oh, shit. She didn't tell you.
- Tell me what?
She's moving to Paris next week.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
I'm not surprised.
Just a little thrown off.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Bye.
- Bye, Coop. Have a great trip.
- LAX, right?
- Yeah.
Bye!
Bye, Cooper!
- What is this?
- He didn't tell me.
It's my letter of recommendation
for my application.
I see.
- Should I read it right now?
- If you want. It's up to you.
[SIGHS]
"Dear Admissions Committee,
I had the pleasure
of meeting Rachel
as her rehabilitation counselor.
I can say unequivocally
that Rachel is one of the most
promising people I've ever met.
Emphasis on 'people,'
not 'client.'
I could be writing this letter
from the perspective
of how much I gave to her
and how much she learned
during her time here.
But the truth is
that she gave more to me
than she received.
Her ability to flourish
in the face of crisis
has been incredible.
How fearless she's become.
I believe vulnerability
is the greatest form of courage.
And Rachel's exhibited
nothing but that.
Courage of the highest degree.
She had the courage at 18
to face her darkest hour.
To come to L.A.
and seek treatment
for a disease
that no longer defines her.
To face the backlash
from her friends and family
and pursue this application.
It's an inspiration to witness.
I don't personally know
the first thing
about high fashion,
but I do know through Rachel now
that you can't hold
someone back
who's conquered their own mind.
And for that,
I'll remain forever indebted.
All of us need the help
of other people.
Give this young woman a chance,
I beg of you.
I can think of no one more
deserving of your education.
Sincerely, Cooper Ganz."
[CHUCKLES]
["LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE" PLAYING]
Oh, my God, I got in. I got in!
Wait, wait! No way!
Would you mind
turning up this song?
Yes!
Love me like a fire
And I'll love you
Like a flood
I'll give you
Everything I am
Down to the vapors
In my blood
I'll be your broken levee
If you will be my drug
Love me like a fire, girl
And I'll love you
Like a flood
Love me like an anchor
And I'll love you
Like a rock
I'll give you
Everything I have
Even the things
I haven't got
I'll tell you
That I love you
When you're worried
That I'll stop
Love me
Like an anchor, girl
And I'll love you
Like a rock
Come on now and love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
Love me like an altar
And I'll love you
Like a church
I'll give you
Everything I can
Through the good times
And the worst
I'll tell you
I've never done things
When I can see
You want to be the first
Love me like an altar, girl
And I'll love you
Like a church
Love me like a seraph
And I'll love you
Like a saint
I'll give you
Everything you need
And I'll never need
To be thanked
Just promise
You'll remind me
When we're old
And my mind goes blank
That you loved me
Like a seraph, girl
And I loved you
Like a saint
Come on now and love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
Love me like a monkey
And I'll love you
Like a vine
I'll give you
Everything I have
If you'll let me
Call you mine
I'll put you
On my shoulders
Up all the mountains
That we'll climb
Love me like a monkey, girl
And I'll love you
Like a vine
Come on now and love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
Come on, baby
I need you to love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
[RAIN PATTERING]
[MAN OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
Right after I kill her,
I come back to my senses.
I see that I've murdered
the person I love most.
Unable to live with myself,
I decide to commit suicide.
[SIGHS]
[TAKING SHUDDERING BREATHS]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
[CRYING]
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
The philosophy.
I understand both philosophies.
I think that the answer
is a bit more complex than that.
I think that, um...
Yeah.
So then why are you here?
To get... away
from all this existential shit,
to get out of my head
and into my body.
Do you feel that
you're being too cerebral?
I told you that I'm depressed,
didn't I?
You think I'm self-diagnosing?
Do you think
you're self-diagnosing?
My sister thinks I am.
I don't know.
- How was work with rehab?
- Fine.
What about music, filmmaking,
your creative pursuits?
Fine, fine. It's pretty much
everything right now.
I have been focused
getting screenwriting work.
Okay.
Good. Well...
I feel that you are depressed.
But you don't have depression.
I just proposed to the love
of my life. And she said yes.
I should be happy.
But I am crippled with fear.
All I do day and night is worry,
about the unknown, the what-ifs,
convince myself of the worst.
And, uh, it plays out
like a horror movie in my head.
And whenever I'm able
to calm myself down,
it's only temporary.
It always leads back to anxiety.
I have these crazy thoughts,
these irrational scenarios
that play out in my head.
I mean,
it seems so fucking real.
Like, uh, what if I get
so depressed I hurt Emily?
Physically.
Well, it sounds to me
like you're presenting
mentally with OCD.
I don't...
clean doorknobs
or step over fucking cracks.
I'm just... I'm just depressed.
The depression is
just a byproduct.
It's like... a symptom.
OCD is an anxiety disorder.
I don't have a mental illness.
I'm not some
clean-freak hypochondriac. I...
[STAMMERS]
This is situational.
That's not
the only way OCD works.
There's a mental side to it.
It's called "pure obsessional."
It only works
through mental compulsions.
So, what does that mean?
You need to be working
with an OCD specialist.
Here.
I want you to call this office.
Set up an appointment.
[SIGHS]
[]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
What's going on,
little Looney Tune?
[EMILY]
Just over at my mom's.
Her and Steve wanna
have us over
to celebrate the engagement.
Yeah. No, of course.
That's super sweet.
Oh, how was therapy?
- It was fine.
- You don't have to go into it.
- I was just asking.
- I'll tell you more tonight.
All right, baby.
Have a good shift. I love you.
I love you too.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
ON STEREO]
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF, MUSIC STOPS]
[GROANS]
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, dude.
She's so fucking excited, Coop.
She called me crying,
she was so happy.
Thanks, Tess. What the hell
are you doing out here?
Oh, just another day
at Transform Malibu
on an Easter egg hunt for
a bottle of peppermint schnapps.
Meryl ratted Brandon out
in therapy this morning.
Said he had it delivered
over the fence.
- Okay. Let's go look for it.
- Will you help me?
Doc's got all these kids
way overmedicated.
- I know.
- It's wild.
- We talk all the time.
- It's wild.
- What's up, partner?
- Welcome to the Octagon.
Jesus. What?
Yeah. Your boy
went mental today.
- Who?
- Who do you think?
- Brandon?
- Bingo.
Well, I found his delivery
in the bushes.
- [SLATER LAUGHS]
- Nice.
What is it now?
[SCOFFS]
He found out
you were leading
group riding today
at morning check-in,
the guy lost it.
Flipping couches, screaming.
"You got me all fucked up."
Sweet. That'll be fun.
[DUKE]
Anything else we need to know?
[LATER]
Well, our favorite
heroin addicts checked back in.
Who?
That doesn't really
narrow it down.
[SLATER]
Come on. Omaha?
Rachel?
She's in the back,
cooling her heels.
I thought she was doing better.
Addiction's a bitch, man.
They send them back--
Familiar people, familiar place.
Relapse is inevitable.
- Is that it?
- Just who's on meds.
- No.
- Come on.
- No. No, no.
- What are you talking about?
- Uh-uh.
- Fine.
- There they are.
- Fuck you.
[SIGHS]
You guys, good evening.
- I'm out of here.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.
- Take it easy. Shaka.
- Shaka, bro.
- Huh? Uh-huh.
[BRANDON]
All fucked up now!
Man, you got me up in here
like I'm some fucking lab rat!
Man, fuck this!
[COOPER]
Solid therapy session?
Speaking of rats!
[SLAMS]
It's okay, Meryl.
Don't say anything.
I knew you wanted
to see us again.
I just didn't think
it'd be this soon.
- It's fucking embarrassing.
- No, it's not.
I lasted, like, no time.
It doesn't matter.
Nobody's judging you.
I fucking let you down.
Hey.
Hey, look at me.
Fuck that shit.
That's toxic waste in your head.
You let no one down. Hear me?
You just helped me so much.
You helped yourself.
We just showed you some tools.
You're here now.
Thanks, Coop.
- [EMILY] Mm
- [SHOWER RUNNING]
I miss my youthful...
[EMILY CONTINUES SINGING
INDISTINCTLY]
Hello.
They figured a way
They'd pay you to play
- [SIGHS]
- You've given me
All of your time
I miss my old-school...
They always knew what to do
I miss the kid
In the back of the room
- [HUMMING TUNE]
- [LAUGHS]
- Toonzy.
- Hey, you. How you doing?
I know that I love
My Toonzy
And I know my Toonz--
Ooh!
You think you're getting
in here?
- Yeah. Why?
- On one condition.
- You charging admission?
- Hey.
You can't say anything
about the temperature.
- How come?
- My shower, my rules.
My God, I got
a parking ticket today.
- What?
- Yeah. Yeah.
And you know
what occurred to me?
This thing, this genius idea
is if we move to New York City,
we'd have to take the train,
and we wouldn't use a car.
I'd never get a parking ticket
again. Try this.
- Yeah?
- Mmm!
- It's good, right?
- Mm-hm.
I got it
at the farmers' market.
Oh!
- Your mom and Steve okay?
- They're fine.
Steve's a little
under the weather,
but, you know, same old.
Did your mom freak out?
Um...
Kind of. I don't know.
She kind of made it
about herself,
you know, like she always does.
I'm sorry, baby.
Hey, listen, I was thinking
that maybe you could finish
chopping the vegetables for me
so I could start on the salad.
I hate chopping the vegetables.
- Yeah, sure. Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]
My pleasure.
[GROANS]
I don't know,
maybe I'm overly sensitive to it
because she's been like this
my whole life. You know?
She's always been this way,
and it's not like
she's gonna change, you know?
Sorry, I've gotta go pee.
It's okay.
[HUMS SOFTLY]
[EXHALING SHARPLY]
[SUCKS TEETH, EXHALES SHARPLY]
[FAUCET TURNS ON]
[FAUCET TURNS OFF]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[MAN ON TV]
This is no laughing matter.
If there'd been an accident,
I might've landed in jail.
[WOMAN]
With your uncle
a police vice president?
[MAN]
More than ever.
I never got it licensed.
- Should've been handed in.
- Babe.
- Incidentally...
- Yeah.
[DIALOGUE ON TV
CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
She diagnosed me today.
Yeah?
[SUCKS TEETH]
Okay.
[TV TURNS OFF]
[SIGHS]
What did... What did she say?
[SIGHS]
Hey.
Hey, whatever it is,
we'll get through it.
Does she, um...
Does she think that your
depression is clinical or...?
No, she thinks I have OCD.
- OCD?
- Mm.
- Really?
- That's what I said.
Sorry, I don't understand.
You don't have any of those...
tics or rituals or anything,
do you?
Uh-uh.
No. I don't know.
- I don't know either.
- Okay.
Hey.
We've got this. Okay?
You don't
have to go it alone or...
- I love you.
- I love you too.
I'm so lucky to have you.
[MOANS SOFTLY]
- Hey.
- Hey!
- There you are.
- I'm so sorry.
- Traffic was the worst.
- No, no, it's fine.
- Congratulations, honey.
- Thanks, J.
I'm so happy.
Oh, yeah.
- So you took the knee, mate?
- I sure did.
Giddyap.
Thanks, man.
Listen, we're here to help
with the planning.
Whatever you guys decide.
Just know that, okay?
I appreciate that.
- I love you guys.
- We love you.
And you know,
once there's a baby on the way,
you're gonna get
a lot more help.
Yeah, I know, I know,
one thing at a time, but, uh,
hey, you are family now.
[TOY CARS SKITTERING]
[WOMAN]
No, stop that.
[SCREAMING]
Just being alone with all this,
that's been the hardest part,
I think.
That has to be
really difficult for you.
We all only save ourselves.
Well, that's
a lonely philosophy.
That's because it's true.
Lonely doesn't have to mean sad.
If you like yourself.
[CHUCKLES]
Touch.
So why don't you tell me
what you already know about OCD.
Just what I scoured
on the Internet.
When I started
reading articles about Pure O...
my face dropped.
I knew in my heart
that's what I have.
Okay. And that's
a normal reaction, right?
Just knowing
what we're up against,
like, makes us feel better
about it a little bit, yeah?
You haven't asked me
about my story yet.
Would it help you if I did?
I don't know.
I thought that
that's kind of how this worked.
Okay, why don't we switch it up?
Why don't I tell you
what I think happened,
and then you can tell me
if I'm wrong.
Okay.
Okay.
So it started with a thought.
A horrible thought.
Something dreadful.
Maybe you thought
that you'd harm someone.
Maybe you thought
you did something horrific
or were capable of it.
And this thought was totally
against your self-identity,
but it started to consume you.
And not in a casual way,
but in the most intense way
you've ever experienced.
The more you tried
to push that thought away,
the stronger it returned
and just became
this incredible
source of anxiety.
You tried to hide it
from everybody that you know...
because just the thought of it
frightened you to your core.
You were afraid
you'd be judged for it,
you thought the people
who loved you no longer would,
that you were vile and depraved.
So you tried to bury it.
Eventually you realized
you couldn't do that anymore,
so you told somebody
that you were close to.
And then it was out there,
right? It was no turning back.
Then you got into talk therapy,
which just
made the problem worse
because talking about it
ad nauseam
just made you
really hate yourself
and destroyed
your self-confidence.
How am I doing so far?
Hey, listen, I want you to know
that I'm not doing this
to make you feel
like a number, okay?
I'm doing this because
the first rule of treating OCD
is that the content
doesn't matter.
It's completely irrelevant.
Right? There's POCD, pedophilia.
There's HOCD, homosexuality.
There's hit-and-run OCD,
existential OCD, harm OCD.
There's ROCD, which is centered
around romantic relationships.
- I mean, the list goes on.
- Well, yeah.
Definitely got
those last two or three.
And that's my point.
They're all exactly the same.
Just thoughts.
Right?
And what I'm gonna teach you,
and this is really important,
is that no matter how much
your brain tries to lie to you
and tell you that it's about
the content of your thoughts,
it's not.
It's about your reaction
and your relationship
to those thoughts.
I see.
Things don't make us anxious.
Anxiety is a state of mind.
Does that make sense?
I think that you'd benefit most
in group therapy.
Why is that?
Late onset is difficult.
It creates an identity crisis.
There's a stigma
that needs to be overcome now.
And so I think
that the group therapy
will mitigate this.
And you need to be around people
who've been managing this
for a long time.
And then you can see that OCD
is not a death sentence.
Sure. Whatever you think.
I already trust you.
Listen.
You're gonna get better,
I promise.
In this community,
we help save each other.
You can't even surf
on these things.
It's not about that. It's about
getting out on the water.
Paddleboarding is for chumps.
- Then you should be an expert.
- Fuck you.
Hey.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Everybody take it easy.
Cut the shit.
I'll take you both
to a Big Book meeting.
No sweat, Coop.
Just a little bit of tension
is all.
Take a breath, Meryl.
Hey.
Don't let him get to you.
Just focus
on what you can control.
You been good this week?
Yeah. It feels...
better to get out of the house.
I bet, yeah.
Seventy-two-hour detox
is a bitch.
No, it wasn't that bad
this time.
Just too much time in my head.
Well, you know what Slater says.
"In your head, you're dead."
Yeah.
What?
You were right.
About what?
I shouldn't have gone home.
I just...
didn't know any better.
I'm a little lost, you know?
Take that all away
for a second.
All the distractions,
all the bullshit.
What do you wanna do?
If you had a clean slate,
money didn't matter,
what your parents wanted
didn't matter?
No one's ever
asked me that before.
Well, what would
you like to do?
I don't know.
Like, um, I like fashion,
but that's not really,
like, a job or anything.
- What? Sure it is.
- [LAUGHS]
What, you think
clothes make themselves?
No, I know,
but I'm just saying, like,
where I come from,
it's not a job.
Good thing you're in L.A. then.
[MAN ON TV]
What, ever?
[WOMAN]
Forever and ever.
You don't believe me, do you?
Well, here's auf Wiedersehen
to Joan!
[GUNSHOT]
[MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
[TV SHUTS OFF]
[QUIETLY]
Hey. You should go to bed.
Rodney.
Uh, OCD lifer.
I've been, uh, managing
this thing since I was, like, 8.
Been through it all,
one point or another.
So mainly HOCD in my early 20s.
Thought I was gay.
Uh, but ended up
in conversion therapy
before I put it together,
so yeah.
And I'm currently here for
a flare-up of a hit-and-run OCD.
So every time I drive,
I convince myself that
I cause a car accident, so...
Yeah.
Liz.
Like all of us,
plenty of traits
go back to childhood,
but I wasn't diagnosed
until sophomore year of college.
Before that,
I spent years in talk therapy
just exacerbating
my compulsions.
Since I've been diagnosed,
been through a lot of them.
There's hit-and-run OCD,
there's OCD surrounding
starting a fire,
skin picking.
I'm here because
I'm an elementary school teacher
struggling with pedophilia OCD.
Hey, I'm Jake.
I'm an alcoholic.
[LAUGHS]
Sorry, wrong meeting.
Just kidding.
I've been dealing with OCD
for about 15 years.
Combination of pure
and physical.
Started out with contamination,
scrupulosity OCD,
which is based in religion.
Uh, recently, I've been dealing
with magical thinking,
and in particular,
the irrational thought
that if I don't perform
certain rituals
in certain ways,
my son will die.
So um, yeah,
it's been a lot of fun.
Okay. Thanks, guys.
Um, Cooper, feel free
to go in depth if you like.
Whatever you want.
So Cooper, obviously.
Uh, about a year ago,
my mom got really sick.
She has an autoimmune disease,
was in the hospital.
My mom means a lot to me.
My father left to start
a new family when I was young,
so she raised me.
Anyway, things got
really bad for her,
to the point that I had to book
my travel plans to say goodbye.
And that same week,
I lost my job.
Production on a film
I wrote fell apart.
Point is, I shut down.
I didn't know
how to handle it all.
And I had the thought
cross my mind
for the first time in my life
that maybe it would be easier
to just give up.
My mom ended up
making a full recovery,
but for the next
five or six months,
I became consumed with anxiety,
thinking I was suicidal.
But I didn't say anything
to anybody.
I kept it all inside.
It was a fucking nightmare.
There was nothing I could do
to stop it.
And around that point,
I had the thought
that what if
instead of harming myself,
I harmed my girlfriend?
Uh-huh.
It's morphing.
What?
That's what it means
when the OCD jumps from
- one obsession to the next.
- Yeah.
Okay, okay,
so I guess it morphed.
As hard as things already were,
that's when it started
to eat me up.
I was able to rationalize
if I ended up hurting myself
once it became about...
the woman that I love.
Even then, kept it all hid.
Until one day we were leaving
this grocery store
and I walked by this little...
kid, this little boy.
And I had--
The image flashed across my mind
of me stabbing the boy
in the face.
[NORA]
You're in a safe space.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Hmm...
I'm sorry.
We left the store, and I just
collapsed into my girl's arms.
I told her everything.
Got into talk therapy.
[LAUGHS]
You guys know the rest.
She's been great, my girlfriend.
She's--Fiance, actually.
We just got married.
We just got engaged.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Sorry.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah. Congrats, man. Ah!
Thanks, thanks. Thanks, guys.
Um, that's the thing, though.
Now I've been struggling
with relationship OCD,
picking everything apart.
Wanting it to be perfect
before we get married.
I've also developed
pretty severe health OCD,
thinking I have cancer
for no reason.
We are all perfectionists.
That thing just comes
with the territory.
- Well, thank you, Cooper.
- Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man.
We've all been in
your position before. All right?
So just big steps, bro,
all right?
You're in the right place.
[DOOR OPENS]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
How did the group go?
Still going.
Wanna smoke?
I have this disconnect
where I think how I should feel.
Yeah, but if you take
an analytical approach
all the time,
you're bound to see the world
through a gray lens.
But it's like
the numbers tell you so.
Heartbreak is just
the law of averages.
The numbers are insignificant
unless you can decipher
how they affect something
as a whole.
I don't understand that.
I'm saying love is a choice.
Hope is a choice.
You just said
you're in love with her.
I am.
Em is a great girl, dude.
You think you're the first guy
to ever spin out?
But what if that's
all a relationship is?
Shit that you have
to constantly overcome.
We're talking about love.
It's not
a permanent state of bliss.
[CHUCKLES]
Look.
I don't mean to get
all hippie and shit, but...
you gotta find joy
in the journey.
What are you doing here, man?
What do you mean?
What are you doing
at this rehab?
I went to college with Tess.
She thought
I'd be good at this.
No, I know all that.
That's not what I mean.
What are you doing
in this rehab?
I don't follow.
Everybody here has to be here.
The clients,
they're at rock bottom.
I'm here because I'm sober.
It's part of my program.
Slater, sober.
Tess lost her sister
to addiction.
Nobody ends up at rehab
unless they have to.
I don't know.
[]
Why are you still so resentful
about that?
Because I apologized,
I was sincere, and you accepted.
I'm figuring this thing out.
I overthink, I obsess.
That doesn't give you an excuse
to be an asshole.
- That's not fair.
- Know how hard it's been for me
to have a fianc
who's having doubts
but he's telling me,
"They're not really doubts.
- So just be cool. Help me."
- I have to filter out
every thought that passes
through my head.
Do you know
how exhausting that is?
Imagine trying to fix your mind,
but can't trust
the mind that's fixing it.
I'm gonna slip up,
I'm gonna fuck up.
And I'm gonna let things through
that are not real.
It's just my anxiety talking.
But I won't know that
until after the fact.
Right, but if you don't know it,
how am I supposed to know it?
You have to trust that deep down
- it's not how I really feel.
- Oh, I'm trying.
Look, you can lean on me.
Right?
I'm here for you. I've been here
for you the whole time.
I know you have.
It's just hard when talking
about it makes it worse.
I can't tell other people I love
what I'm going through
because they'll just get
so concerned.
And that makes it harder.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your family. I--
Babe, I just think
you're spun out.
I--It's not gonna last forever.
It doesn't feel that way
right now.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
I'm here for you.
I really... I really am,
but our relationship
doesn't get to go on hold.
Right? I need you to show up.
And I need to be able
to express how I feel.
You don't feel that you can?
Honestly, right now, no.
No. I feel like
I have to take a back seat.
- Well, I don't want that.
- Okay.
So tell me.
Go ahead. Whatever it is.
I feel like this engagement
is bullshit.
Like, it doesn't feel real.
Well, I mean it.
Very much.
And I love you.
Okay.
- I know.
- Okay.
And I love you too.
- Okay.
- Okay.
[BOTH]
I believe
That you were made for me
And I was made for you
I believe
That you were made for me
And I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
I was made for you
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, yeah.
[BOTH PANTING]
- [LAUGHING]
- You okay?
Oh, shit.
- Babe.
- What?
I fucked up my cycle.
We shouldn't have done that.
[SPITS]
See?
Okay. Well...
I know it's not ideal,
but we can go get Plan B.
It's a good thing
you caught it.
I hate that I can't be
on birth control.
The app's been working fine.
We just have to be more careful.
Oh, we have to be more careful?
No, really you maybe have
to be more careful.
[LAUGHS, SIGHS]
Hey, you should be more careful.
You've got a little schmutz
on your face.
Oh, you think I give a fuck?
You think I fucking
give a shit, bro?
I--You do. You do.
What are you doing? No.
What do you think
you're doing? No.
- Where are you gonna go?
- You look like you have rabies.
- Get away from me.
- I might have. Come here.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
We're gonna get into it
when the group gets in,
but how was your week?
Well, today is the day.
Are you ready
for your first exposure?
So excited. I still
don't even get what it is.
So it's about
desensitization, right?
So you're gonna write out
your intrusive thoughts
or record them
and then play them back.
Then you're gonna try
to allow yourself to be anxious
without performing
any compulsions.
That's the most important part.
It's where
all the work gets done.
So make myself more anxious
to be less anxious.
Essentially, yeah. Yeah.
Eventually I might have you
walk around
with a pocket knife
or go to bed with a knife
at your bedside.
But don't--CHUCKLES]
Don't worry.
Don't panic.
You got this.
What's this?
A book for
your friends and family.
It's kind of like the dos and
don'ts of how to help you out.
You should probably
give it a read too.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
[SHIFTER CLICKS,
CAR SHUTS OFF]
[SIGHS]
My OCD attacks my relationship.
Makes me dissect
every aspect of it,
Emily and I,
until I bring both of us
to the point
of complete exhaustion
and we decide to break up.
After we break up, I realize
I've made the biggest mistake
of my life.
At that point, I...
I try to get her back,
but it's too late.
My...
I fall into a deep depression.
My obsessions spiral
out of control
and I end up
in an insane asylum.
All alone.
Driven to the point
of complete insanity,
I decide to take my own life.
- [RACHEL] Hey. Come in.
- What's up?
Duke said you wanted see me.
Um...
It's okay.
What's up?
Um...
Well, you know, like,
what you were saying about me,
like, following my dreams
and all that?
Mm-hm.
Well, I kind of brought it up
in therapy.
- And?
- Um...
I guess there's, like,
some fashion school
called FIDM.
And I was thinking about
maybe applying.
What?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Hell yeah, dude.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
Um, I just don't really know
how to do it,
so I kind of need your help.
Of course.
Anything.
Um...
Yeah, I have to, like,
write an essay,
and then I need
a letter of recommendation.
Okay.
And I know
that you're a writer.
Um, but if you didn't wanna
do that, I totally get it.
Pssh, hey.
I got you.
We're gonna
crush this application.
You hear me?
Yeah, I just didn't, like,
wanna tell everybody else
about it yet.
Mm, you don't want Brandon
to shade your shine?
Exactly.
I won't say anything.
Your business is your business.
- Thank you.
- Big moves.
- [EMILY] Hey, babe.
- Hmm?
How much time we got?
Five minutes max.
Okay. Okay, I'm almost ready.
Oh, uh, Nora gave me this book.
It's for friends and family.
It's about how you can help.
Oh, nice. Um, can you put it
on my nightstand?
Sure.
- Wow.
- Yeah?
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
- You like it?
- Yeah, I like it.
Do I look like a Bond girl?
They'd be lucky to have you.
Or like I'm--
Like I'm in a music video?
[LAUGHS]
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you know,
I can do anything in this.
I can do my body rolls.
I can do my around the worlds.
- Whoo!
- [LAUGHS]
No, but, really, you like it?
It's...
You look beautiful.
I do need five more minutes.
- Just, really, a quick five.
- Baby... A quick five.
So another 15.
- I'm a lucky man too.
- Oh?
- Yeah, you are.
- Yeah.
I mean, zero argument here, right?
- You're so modest too.
- Yeah.
I think modesty
is one of my greatest strengths.
Wouldn't you say? Yeah, you like
that? You like that comedy?
- Anybody need more wine?
- Yeah.
No. That would be it.
Thank you.
- Good.
- No?
[VOICES DISTORT, FADING]
- Oh, he gave up.
- Cooper.
Yeah?
[STEVE]
Give her a hand.
[EMILY]
That's why we keep him around.
[STEVE]
Yeah, he's very handy.
[JANICE]
Well, I'd like to make a toast.
- Um...
- Lovely.
We all love you.
Who you are as people.
Who you are together.
[EMILY]
Yeah.
Just love you.
[CHUCKLES]
- Oh, my sweetheart.
- Oh, here we go.
No, no, no, stop it. Your--
Your mother and I are
just over the moon.
And we can't wait.
Well, Em and I are
so glad to be here
with each and every one of you.
There's nobody we'd rather
be celebrating this with.
Truly. So...
Cheers. We love you guys.
- Love you, Mom.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
One plus one, you splice me
The devil's in the desert
Two plus one, I splice you
The devil's in the desert
Two plus two, I splice them
The devil's in the desert
One plus one
You splice me...
Hey, hey, hey.
Stop the music. Call 911!
[RODNEY]
Oh, dude.
Cooper. Man, I--
I'm really sorry, man. That's--
[LIZ]
Yeah, I'm sure that goes
for all of us.
Absolutely. If it wasn't
a heart attack, what was it?
We don't know.
Hopefully we'll get some results
from the MRI today
and figure out what's going on.
But thanks, guys,
I appreciate it. It's, um...
No. I mean, feel free
to take the rest
of the week off if you--
No, no, this--This helps.
I have to show up for myself
so I can show up
for Emily and her family.
Okay.
Well, I'm at least happy
that your first exposure
is starting to wane.
You ready to step it up?
Ready as I'll ever be.
Hey, what's up?
Is there any news?
[EMILY]
I didn't know
if you were still in therapy.
I'm on my way home.
- Are you driving?
- Yeah.
Uh, we can talk
when you get here.
Okay. Sure.
They don't think
it's the years he smoked.
- So, what then?
- He got cobalt treatment
in the '80s,
and apparently, back then,
they did radiation
from the neck down,
- so that could be it.
- [SIGHS] Jesus.
- When can he come home?
- Uh, later today.
Yeah. Mom's there now.
I can come too.
I'll call work off.
- No, no.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- I wanna help.
I know. There's gonna be
time for that.
I think I should just go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Just let me know.
I wanna help. I'm here. Okay?
[PANTING]
[WHISPERS]
I'm okay.
Fuck it.
Hey.
Where are you going?
What the hell is going on?
She made a rap video with her
drug dealer when she was home.
She's all drugged out
and naked in it,
making out with another girl.
She doesn't remember it,
but it got put online,
- and her father saw it.
- Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
I can't stay late today.
I gotta get to class.
- It's okay. I'll do it. Yeah.
- Thanks. I owe you one.
[CRYING]
[RACHEL]
Hi.
- Do you wanna hear something?
- Sure.
One time I paid 5 bucks
to lick the used spoon
of a junkie.
That must have been a low.
Well, it definitely wasn't
a high.
I guess, technically, it was.
[CHUCKLES]
Dude, my fucking dad
saw that video.
Yeah. He did.
He told me he never
wants to speak to me again.
He just needs time.
He's processing things,
like you are.
Yeah, I know.
We can't control
other people's emotions.
You can try.
It's a quick path
to depression.
Well, I'm already depressed,
so fuck it.
What's one more thing, right?
I get it. I know.
You have to fix yourself
right now.
All the demolition cleanup
from your past...
that's for later.
[SARCASTIC]
Yay. Can't wait.
[SIGHS]
You ready to go back in there?
Um...
just a few more minutes.
Sure.
[SNIFFLES]
Sometimes it's...
hardest to talk to the people
you're closest to, isn't it?
Amen to that.
- How's your essay coming along?
- It's good.
Uh, they want me to write
about a time I had to
overcome adversity. Any ideas?
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oh, FIDM!
- FIDM!
- [YELLS] FIDM!
[]
[COOPER OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
[SIGHS]
I've just been trying so hard,
you know?
[RODNEY]
Yeah.
But I think
I'm finally getting it
that I can't take this on alone.
Yeah, but you're here, right?
Brother, you're gonna be okay.
You are.
Steve's diagnosis has been
making my health OCD
flare up like crazy.
Keep digging deep
and trusting the process.
Just like OCD
doesn't develop overnight,
it takes time to do the work.
But you're killing it, man.
Mm, I don't know.
- Thanks, guys. That's it.
- Yeah?
Okay. Rodney, how was your week?
Aw, fuck!
Well, my week sucked, man.
Yeah. Uh, all right,
so I was already running late
for work on Thursday
when I had this massive spike.
Yeah.
I drove by this car accident
getting off the freeway.
- [COOPER WHISTLES SOFTLY]
- Yeah.
So, uh, I sat pretty well
with the anxiety,
you know, for a few blocks,
but then, uh, I lost the battle.
Yeah. My OCD convinced me
that I caused the accident.
So I drove back to the scene.
How many times did you drive by?
Fuck. Like five, you know?
Fuck, you know?
I wish it was just
the drive-bys though, right?
- Yeah.
- But--So I parked my bike,
joined everyone on the curb,
and I watched the scene.
Yeah. And I started
asking everyone
if they saw what happened.
So reassurance seeking?
[STAMMERS]
Yeah. But I didn't stop there.
I didn't stop there.
Started probing
the police officer.
Yeah. Yeah.
On the scene. Trying to find out
if they had any leads.
- Right?
- No, you didn't. NO, you--
Grab your popcorn.
This shit gets even better.
- Yeah.
- All right.
[ALL LAUGHING]
So an ambulance came, right?
And I ended up following it
all the way to the hospital.
- My God. Rodney!
- Yeah.
Yeah, but before
he got admitted,
I walked in front of the guy
that got into the car accident
to see if he recognized me, man.
Like total weirdo shit, man.
Total weirdo shit.
[CRYING]
I mean, I'm laughing now, but...
But it was shitty as hell,
you know?
I was like, what,
like two hours late for work.
And I spent the rest of the day
convinced--
I was so fucking convinced
that the cops were
gonna come arrest me
any second, man. Right?
Isn't that crazy?
Fucking weird.
How was your week, Liz?
I'm glad you're here, Rodney.
Oh, Jake.
You're gonna be all right, Coop.
Thanks, man.
Fuck, right?
Aw, shit, man.
Yeah. Yeah, fuck it.
[COOPER]
Hey, hey.
Hey, mate.
What's going on in the game?
Uh... Oh, uh...
- Lakers just pulled it out.
- Nice.
Yeah. You want a drink?
I'm okay. Thanks.
Oh, no, it's okay.
I'll have one for you.
So...
I just wanna
address the elephant.
It's Stage 4.
It's aggressive.
I'm pretty much looking
to palliative care.
Okay.
You two take care of Janice.
Gonna fight the hell out of
this thing for as long as I can.
But she's gonna need
a lot of support.
Absolutely. But we're gonna
be here for you too.
- Yeah.
- Okay?
Em told me you know a lot
about this stuff.
I have--Yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
I weirdly have a lot
of cancer knowledge. Yeah.
What do you think
of my chemo hat?
Pretty sharp, huh?
Sinatra.
Sinatra in the flesh.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-"Luck Be a Lady."
- [CHUCKLES]
[BREATHING DEEPLY]
You got this, Steve.
You're gonna be okay.
Yeah.
[SOBS]
I'm scared.
[SOFTLY]
I know.
I don't wanna go first.
[CRYING]
First.
[EMILY RETCHING]
You okay?
So apparently,
the morning-after pill
only works on leftover sperm
and is useless if the sperm
and the egg have already fused.
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, so I'm fucking pregnant.
If we get the abortion, we can't
get it for another two weeks.
How come?
Um, they caught it
so early that...
we have to wait for the embryo
to grow to a certain size,
I guess.
I mean, I'm not--
This isn't, like,
the first time.
- I'm not 19 and we're engaged.
- I know.
I mean, I know that
there's no perfect time. Jesus.
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
- Take all that away.
What's your gut telling you?
I don't know.
I'm confused too.
But I know I love you.
Like a crazy person.
And Steve's dying.
[SOBBING]
Hey. Come here. Hey.
Come here.
[SIGHS]
Whatever we decide...
- You decide...
- Mm-hmm.
I'll be right here.
Always.
Okay?
[SNIFFLING]
Can I use your shirt?
Here, let me help you.
Mmm.
That is so weird
when you do that.
Mm. You like it.
You good?
What?
You just--ou seem really quiet.
It's freaking me out.
I'm just giving you
space to think.
You're over there
writing your masterpiece.
How long have you
and your fiance been together?
Eight years.
Wow.
I was like 10
when you guys met.
Oh, like 10.
Like--Like--Like 10?
"I was like 10 years old."
I'm a junkie, okay?
- I don't know how to do math.
- [LAUGHS]
"I don't do math."
Where you from, dude?
I don't do math.
Two plus two, I don't know it.
- Two plus two is five.
- [LAUGHS]
Two plus two is five,
maybe six, I don't know.
"I'm from Omaha."
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oftentimes you don't see
your rock bottom coming
until it's too late.
I have 29 years. I go to
meetings three times a week.
I'm the CFO
of a Nasdaq-traded company.
Still, there is not a day
that I don't think about using.
Let me leave you with this.
Get out of your story.
Get out
of those cyclical thoughts
that have you thinking
it means anything.
Because it doesn't.
The only thing that matters...
is what you do.
Every choice you make...
is a step toward fear...
or love.
Choose love.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
- That's me.
- Great.
- Okay?
- Thank you.
- Don't be afraid to use it.
- Okay. Thank you.
- All right.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. Bye-bye.
- Thank you.
Dude. She said
she'd be my sponsor.
What? Amazing, dude.
What's that make now,
four or five?
Two, actually.
Probably the same amount
of girls you've been with.
Poor things.
[SNICKERING]
[COOPER OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
[PLAYING "LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE"]
Love me like a fire
And I'll love you
Like a flood
I'll give you
Everything I have
Down to the vapors
In my blood
I'll be your broken levee
If you will be my drug
Love me like a fire, boy
I'll love you like a flood
Love me like an anchor
And I'll love you
Like a rock
I'll give you
Everything I have
Even the things
I haven't got
I'll tell you
That I love you
When you're worried
That I'll stop
Love me like an anchor, boy
And I'll love you
Like a rock
Come on now, love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
That was around
sophomore year of college.
Had a difficult period
with hit-and-run,
uh, and currently
struggling with POCD.
Hey, man, I'm Cooper.
I got diagnosed
a few months ago.
Relationship OCD,
harm OCD, cancer OCD.
Uh, just figured I'd go for
the trifecta right off the bat.
Um, I've been
in your position, man.
I get it. We all do.
OCD attacks the things
that you love most.
But this group is unbelievable.
It's where you're gonna get
the support that you need,
- if you're open to it.
- [SNIFFLES]
Thanks.
- You're welcome, man.
- Yeah.
So, welcome.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, dude.
All right. See you, bud.
- Later, Nora.
- Have fun tonight.
- Hey, Cooper.
- Hmm?
You are making
some serious progress.
I really think you're gonna be
a good resource for Brian.
Thank you. I hope so.
And I think that you're ready
for a new exposure,
but I wanna do it here,
like a one-on-one,
more clinical setting.
Okay. What is it?
I think you should talk
to Emily about it first.
- Okay. Sure.
- Yeah.
It's hard for me to feel clear
- about anything right now.
- Mm.
I'm just getting a handle
on my mental health and...
Steve's fucking dying.
I know.
I keep thinking about that.
Like, the whole "carrying life
while preparing for death."
But outside of that, it seems
like we're leaning towards "no"?
Logistically,
it would obviously be better
down the line.
But is that what you want?
You know, I'm not ready either.
That's not what I said.
I know, but you're
not saying the opposite.
Now it sounds
like you wanna keep it?
No, I--
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't fucking know, I--
I told you, I support you
whichever way we go.
I love you. We're not young,
but we're not old.
We can do whatever we want.
We can...
We can freeze eggs.
We can adopt.
We can...
get pregnant again.
We've talked about
all these things.
Yeah.
You're right.
No. You're right.
We should wait. We should...
We should get through all
your mental health stuff and--
And Steve and all of the grief.
And then...
And then we should reset.
You know, we should travel
and plan our wedding and...
And do it on our own terms.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
[SIGHS]
Hey, dinner's almost ready.
- No rush.
- Thanks.
Wow, this the new series?
[JANICE]
Yeah. I just went up to Matador.
I thought it might help
to put my head
back into work.
Wow, these are...
amazing, J. Seriously.
There's something so...
otherworldly about them.
Yeah. Thanks.
- Oh. Oh, okay.
- Mm-hm.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
How are you?
Em told me
he's not responding
to the chemo very well.
I've made my peace with it
best I can.
I tell you what, though,
managing other people's emotions
is exhausting.
Fuckin' A.
- [LAUGHS]
- Thank you.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I know you've been
going through a lot.
But I appreciate everything.
Of course.
Em told me
what you guys decided.
Are you okay?
I think so.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
That's about as far
as I ever get.
[]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[BRANDON COUGHING]
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Both of you find a rock,
like one the size of a baseball.
- Why?
- Just fucking do it.
- Who made you counselor?
- You're always
challenging everything.
It's fucking exhausting.
[COOPER]
Okay. Okay.
Enough. Just trust me
for a second, okay?
Write whatever you want.
Gonna play along?
All right. I want you
to charge this rock
with all the negativity...
all the pain...
shame...
guilt.
I know it sounds like some
wack-ass shit, Brandon. Just...
bear with me.
And then you're just gonna...
Fuck cancer!
Fuck heroin!
Y'all is corny as fuck.
- [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
- Fuck this ratchet-ass shit.
Let me play something.
No one wants to hear
your country shit.
- You think that's better?
- Yeah.
- That's better than this?
- Yeah.
- This is so good.
- Who you even listening to?
[BRENDA]
Your mom. I'm listening to
your mom. Your mom's new album.
Everything cool?
I don't think so.
I have to call Emily.
- Can you hold it down?
- Yeah.
I'm so sorry, dude.
I--I'll explain to you.
I'll explain it later, dude.
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[BRANDON]
At least I got a mom.
[BRANDON LAUGHS]
Hey.
I'm gonna lead you back.
[]
Hope
Is the strangest of words
I choose
to keep the faith I deserve
The rest is absurd
When the thunder
Crashes down
I will take solace
In the sound
Because serenity
I have found
The angels in the attic
Are breaking my habits
In half
I'm living this life
Like it's my last
In a shade
That is brighter than black
In a shade
That is brighter than black
In a shade
That is brighter than black
In a shade
That is brighter than black
- Thanks for coming.
- Of course.
Well, in my experience,
it hasn't always been
"of course."
This kind of treatment
is often misunderstood.
Well, I... I just wanna help
in any way I can.
So are you ready to try it?
Mm-hm.
Okay.
First thing.
Cooper, pick up the knife.
[WHISPERS]
Okay.
How does that feel,
sitting next to Emily with it?
- I feel fine.
- Great.
Now turn your chairs
so they're facing each other.
[SIGHS]
Okay. Point the knife at her.
How does that feel?
I'm okay.
Now take her left hand,
palm up.
You're gonna place the knife
on her wrist
so that the serrated edge is up.
Hey. I'm fine. Go ahead.
[EXHALES SLOWLY]
[NORA]
Okay.
Sit here for a second
in the anxiety.
Don't let yourself engage
in any mental rituals.
[EMILY]
I'm okay.
Now, both of you stand up.
Cooper, hold the knife...
against her wrist
with the sharp end down.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Okay.
[NORA]
It's totally okay, Cooper.
- Mm-hm.
- We're gauging this as we go.
We won't take it any further
than you're capable of.
No, no, no.
I just--I--I need--
I need--I need a moment.
I'm okay. I, uh...
I'm nervous, but I...
I can still handle it.
Now say,
"I might cut you, Emily."
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CLEARS THROAT]
I might cut you, Emily.
[NORA]
That's amazing, Cooper.
- Emily, you all right?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
[NORA]
All right. Last one.
Cooper, hold the knife
up to Emily's neck.
- What?
- If you're not ready,
it's completely 100% okay,
but I think that you are.
I wouldn't have you doing this
if I thought otherwise.
Mmm...
I, um--I just need a minute.
I need a minute.
- Take all the time you need.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
And again, it's okay
if you don't feel ready.
Your progress today
has been incredible.
Okay, let's do it.
Let's go, let's go. Um...
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
- You ready?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
[EXHALES SHARPLY, CLEARS THROAT]
- No compulsions.
- Mm-hm, mm-hm.
Just let the anxiety be there.
Now say,
"Emily, I'm gonna cut you,
and you're gonna bleed out
and die."
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Oh, fuck.
I'm gonna cut you, Emily.
And, uh...
[INHALES DEEPLY]
- Fuck.
- I'm so proud of you. You can--
- No reassurances.
- Oh, sor--Okay.
[SNIFFLING]
Emily, I'm gonna cut you.
You're gonna bleed out and die.
I'm sorry.
- You're safe.
- [CRYING]
Fuck!
That took profound bravery.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]
- Okay.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed.
It's okay. It's all okay.
It's okay.
I really appreciate
you doing this. I'm sorry.
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Fuck.
It's okay. I've got you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Fuck.
It's okay. You're okay.
You're okay.
You're okay.
[BOTH SIGH DEEPLY]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Thanks for doing that.
I know that was pretty weird.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah, a little, but I get it.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Sorry, how long do you think
until, uh, we can laugh
about this?
[BOTH LAUGH]
Sorry.
Ahem, sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.
No, I'm not, I'm not.
I'm sorry. I'm not
trying to minimize it.
Everything that you just did
was so beautiful
and so vulnerable.
And I'm so sorry.
- Dude.
- I'm sorry.
[LAUGHING]
Okay. Okay. Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
Hey. I'm really--
I'm really proud of you. Okay?
- Yeah. Thanks.
- [LAUGHING]
I really am. Come here.
- Oh!
- [SIGHS]
- All right.
- Mm-hm.
[RACHEL SIGHS]
Here we go.
You got this.
We went over everything.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, dude. Yes!
- So that's it?
- Yeah.
He signed the contract
with the therapy team.
He's fully aware.
No more bullshit
or he gets sent back to County.
Good. That's what he needs.
Scrubbing floors
and Big Book meetings.
This holistic approach
isn't working for him.
[COOPER]
Well, all right then.
Guy's a lost cause anyway.
Let's protect our energy.
- For sure.
- Mm-hm.
[NURSE]
Emily Mansfield.
So both options
are equally effective.
It's just
a matter of preference.
But if we put her under,
we have to come back.
That's right.
Okay.
Do you mind giving us
a minute to decide?
No, not at all.
I don't need a minute.
I don't want
to come back again, so...
[COOPER]
Are you sure?
I think we should
take a minute to process this.
No, I just said
I don't need a minute.
You just heard her.
You know, let's do it.
I don't wanna wonder
if we didn't finish the job.
Okay.
- Local anesthesia it is.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- I'll be back in 15 minutes.
Thank you.
You sure?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You don't have to do it.
No, I know. I'm okay.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, can you distract me?
Can you, like, just--?
Can you just talk?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Um...
- Just talk.
About what?
Um...
What's your favorite day
in our relationship,
do you think?
- Ever?
- Ever. Yeah.
Come on.
- Um...
- [LAUGHS]
Come on.
Probably...
Remember when
we were in Serbia?
Yeah.
And we went wine tasting?
Yeah.
- Remember? Yeah?
- Yeah.
- And we--It started raining.
- Yes.
[LAUGHS]
And we went and we made love
in that castle in Novi Sad.
- Yeah, we did.
- Yeah, we did.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What about you?
- I don't know.
I don't have a specific day
that pops into mind. I just...
I don't know. I think all
the little moments, you know.
Me too.
- Sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
- Are you ready?
Mm-hm.
Yeah. Yeah, right?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yep. Like this?
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.
- You're doing great.
- Okay.
- Now just...
You're doing great.
It's gonna be okay.
- You're doing great.
- Great.
Mm-hm.
[SNIFFLES]
Mm-hm.
I'm okay.
- You're okay, babe. I know.
- Mm-hm.
I'll be back.
I'm gonna pick up dinner.
Okay.
Text me. Let me know
if you need anything.
[YELLING]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, fuck. Oh, God.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Okay.
Oh, honey. What did you expect?
[PEN TAPPING]
Is he coming?
[BRANDON SIGHS]
[SNIFFS]
Here I am, Coop.
What's on the docket today?
Want us to write about
our fucked-up childhoods?
Where's your notebook?
I lost it.
The prompt is: if you could give
your past self advice,
what would you say?
Brandon,
unfortunately that means
you've had to have learned
something before, so...
I learned that you think
you're a fucking fashion guru,
but you ain't shit
but a junkie.
[COOPER]
All right.
That's enough. I don't want to
hear another word from anyone.
The only sound should be
the sound of pens
scribbling on paper.
I didn't start anything.
- It doesn't matter.
- The hell it doesn't.
Take it up
with your therapist.
Whatever.
[VAPE THUMPS ON TABLE]
Put your phone away.
Brandon.
[LAUGHS]
Brandon.
- Give me my fucking phone back!
- No phones in group.
- That ain't yours!
- Get it back after group.
Yeah, well, fuck
your bitch-ass group!
Y'all fucked up now!
I'm really sorry, Coop.
[SCREAMS]
Fuck this goddamn bullshit!
Flip one more piece of furniture
and you're out of here.
- You've already been warned.
- I don't give a shit anymore!
You never gave a shit
in the first place!
You motherfucker!
Tell me I'm wrong.
You don't get it.
You're not sober.
I don't want to talk to you.
- It's just me here.
- Then fuck off!
You signed the agreement.
If you don't come back
and join the group,
you're going back to jail.
Man, you on some shit
I ain't even ever seen before.
You got me all fucked up!
Back up. I'm gonna lock myself
in the office
- and call the police.
- [CRYING, SNIFFLING]
I got two little girls, man.
I know you do.
I'd like to help you if I can.
Why?
You can't help me anyway, bro.
What, you think having us
write in a journal or do yoga
is going to do anything?
I do. I do, yeah.
No. Anybody can come
to a mansion
and find their chi
or whatever the fuck.
It's just me out there, man!
It doesn't have to be.
You don't know
what it's like to be alone,
to feel alone and all that shit.
You'd be surprised.
You got your cool-guy vibe,
your fiance,
living in Hollywood.
You don't know shit
about me, man.
Mm.
But you wanna give me
the sound bites
and the Instagram recap,
go ahead.
That's what this is, right?
We come here,
spill all our bullshit,
and you just throw us
pithy phrases like robots.
You have zero fucking clue
what it's like to have
to trick yourself every day
into actually thinking
you can fix yourself!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Sit down.
You wanna hear my shit?
Sit down. I'll tell you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Been suicidal
for the last year.
Thought I was.
I had lost control of my mind.
Thought I was headed
for an insane asylum.
Turns out I have clinical OCD.
Now I just walk around
with the obsession
that I might go crazy
and slit my fiance's throat
and then commit suicide.
I've also become obsessed
that I have terminal cancer.
This experience has completely
destroyed my self-esteem.
And I think that I'm a total
failure of a human being.
And I oscillate...
between all those thoughts
about once every 15 seconds
of my waking life.
Top of that, my future
father-in-law just died.
Lung cancer.
Then my fiance got pregnant.
Decided to have an abortion.
Now she regrets it.
I can see that she's...
She's totally broken.
And here I am...
talking with you.
Giving a fuck about you.
Exactly because you have
those two little girls at home
who need more than anything
for their father to take
responsibility for his life...
for his disease.
And outside of them,
because you deserve it, Brandon.
Life's been shitty.
And here's a newsflash.
It's gonna keep on being shitty.
And you're right. It is just you
out there, like it's just me.
But it takes this.
Man, it takes this
to help us figure our shit out
and to remember
that life can also be
pretty fucking incredible
sometimes.
Love yourself, bro.
Nobody else can do that.
And either show up here
and do the work
and stop blaming everybody else,
or give this bed to somebody
who gives a fuck,
because me and Tess
and Slater and Duke
will give you everything
that we got.
But you've gotta want it, man.
You gotta want it.
More than anything.
I do want it.
I want it so badly.
I just don't know how.
[SOBBING]
I don't know how.
Take a minute
to gather yourself.
Come back out
and join the group.
Coop.
[SNIFFLES]
Just think about
what you wanna write about.
Okay.
- Sorry about that, guys.
- It's okay.
It's all good. But it shouldn't
have happened, so I apologize.
Thanks, dude.
[SIGHS]
I'm just...
I'm really sorry about that.
I'm sorry too.
Just so you know, I don't really
think you suck at fashion.
[GIGGLES]
[RACHEL]
Thanks, dude.
Thank you.
All right. Show's over.
Fifteen minutes, guys.
[]
You don't wanna marry me?
You?! Get out of here!
Get out! Get away from me!
Chris! Get away from me!
Chris! Chris!
You okay?
Yep.
Okay.
[SNIFFLES]
What's up, baby?
Um...
It's not your fault.
And I need you to know that.
Huh?
What are we talking about
right now?
I feel really clear about this.
Wait, just--Let's--
Let's... go back for a second.
- Can I say what I need to say?
- Okay. Yeah.
Um, over the last few weeks,
I've...
felt my body change, and I've...
I felt life grow inside of me,
and it made me realize
that, um...
I don't wanna wait.
I don't wanna wait.
I don't wanna freeze my eggs.
I don't want to--
I just, I wanna, um...
I wanna have a baby, Cooper.
And I wanna do that soon.
And I can't stay with someone
who I did this with.
And you didn't
do anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong.
You told me...
how you felt, and you were clear
the whole time, and...
I just--I feel differently now.
Okay?
I don't--I don't understand.
[STAMMERS]
- We've gotten through so much.
- Mm-hm.
And now we're at the end of it.
I'm feeling better.
Don't give up. Wha--?
No, listen--
We can work--
We can work through this.
- I don't think we can.
- Let's just talk about it.
I can't. It's not about
communication, Cooper. I...
I have to leave.
I have to leave.
I've been here my whole life,
and you have to stay here.
It's where your dreams are,
and I understand that.
But I have to go.
And I've been sacrificing that.
But I have to go and...
And find something beautiful.
I just have to be free, okay?
So I'm gonna go and I'm gonna be
at my mom's, just so you know.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Hold on for a second. Hold on.
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
Cooper, I have to.
- Okay, I have to go.
- Let's just talk about it.
Cooper. Look at me. Look at me.
This is the hardest decision
I've ever had to make
in my life, okay?
So I have to go.
- Don't go. Please don't go.
- I'll be at my mom's. Okay?
- Okay.
- I'll see you. I'll--
I'll just come there.
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN, CLOSES]
Hey, Nora. It's Cooper.
Call me as soon as you can.
Hi, Nora. It's Cooper.
I need you to call me back.
Hi, Nora. This is Cooper.
I'm trying to get ahold of you.
I, um, really need
to talk to somebody.
Hi, Nora.
Call me back as soon as you can.
It's an emergency, okay? Bye.
[SIGHS]
[GROANS]
[GROANS LOUDLY]
How are you doing with all that?
I understand how she feels.
And if I'm honest,
I could feel it too.
That's the thing, bro.
I mean, just because
you're doing better
doesn't mean she is.
She was probably putting off
her own needs
for a very long time.
That's what really gets me.
I just wasn't ready.
Clearly, she wasn't either.
That's true. Not something
to beat yourself up about.
She's just so shut down now.
Everything is like, "I'm sorry,
Cooper. I hear you, Cooper."
Heard my name more
in the last weeks
than in the eight years
we were together.
- So you guys are still talking?
- Just logistics at this point.
Um, she still has some stuff
she needs to move out,
then we'll break off contact.
I know it's not healthy.
I'm sorry, Cooper.
You just never get
that chance again, you know,
to have your first big love
make it the distance.
Hey, hey, hey. Key word
is "first" big love, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um...
Uh, in brighter news,
I booked a screenwriting job.
It's for a feature. I found out
this week. Yeah, yeah.
I let work know
I'm gonna take some time off.
I'm gonna take my laptop
and travel.
I just booked my tickets.
Three months in South America.
Buenos Aires, Rio.
- When do you take off?
- Next week.
Yeah. He told me last week
he was leaving.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
So this is it, guys.
Time to cut the cord.
You all have
such beautiful, open minds.
And I don't know where I would
be without all your support.
Oh, man. Right back at you, bro.
[CHUCKLES]
Ahem. Thank you.
I really appreciate it, Cooper.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[CHUCKLES]
What?
It was no problem.
I was on my way to the rehab.
Oh, congratulations on the--
On the writing job.
You really--
You deserve it, Cooper.
Yeah, thanks.
You too.
Tess told me
that you sold a song
to that indie band.
I don't want it
to be like this.
- Like what?
- Like awkward.
I didn't want--
And I don't want to fight or--
- Neither do I, but I--
- [SIGHS]
I can't just be friends.
Because we're not.
I can't live that lie.
What?
Nothing.
Bye, babe.
Bye.
Cooper.
He'd want you to have this.
Thanks, J.
Uh...
[CHUCKLES]
- Listen, I--You know?
- I know. Me too.
- Take care of yourself.
- I will.
Good.
Thanks for everything.
You too.
[DUKE]
There he is.
- Johnny Hollywood, baby.
- Whoa!
Hey, what can I say?
I'm a badass.
[TESS]
Yeah, you are. Congrats, dude.
Thanks, Tess.
[SLATER]
Off to stuff
those Brazilian babes.
- Oh!
- Ahh!
Come on.
I don't know
if I'm quite there yet, up here.
But, you know, I'll--
I don't know.
[LAUGHS]
- Oh!
- [Duke] Are you ready?
All the clients
are in the living room.
I am. That's what I'm here for.
Potential. That word
says everything, brother.
You're gonna get out
exactly what you put in.
You had some breakthroughs here
towards the end.
Got a long way to go, but I...
I believe in you.
I believe
you're gonna get there.
Just don't give up.
Don't ever give up.
And don't be
such a little asshole anymore.
Okay?
[SNIFFLES]
But seriously, bro.
We're here for you.
Reach out anytime.
- I don't wanna talk to you.
- Yeah, you do.
What am I supposed to do now?
Exactly what you've been doing.
Building good habits.
Trust yourself.
I can't do this alone, dude.
I was never
always gonna be here.
You know it's not like that.
Yeah, but I thought you'd
at least be here until I left.
You're stronger
than you think you are.
It's not about that.
It's about the fact
that I gave in
and I did what you asked,
and now you're leaving.
You can always reach out.
My dad's not talking to me.
All my friends are fuckups.
I still need you, man.
You're just
another fucking letdown.
That's not fair.
Fuck fair. Whatever.
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
Left my spare key
in the desk drawer
- if you need to move it.
- Cool.
Um, this is for Rachel.
I knew she wasn't gonna take it.
Oh, um, I left a curling iron
on my desk as well.
It's Em's. If you could give it
to her, if you see her.
- Sure, if I see her in time.
- What do you mean?
- Oh, shit. She didn't tell you.
- Tell me what?
She's moving to Paris next week.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
I'm not surprised.
Just a little thrown off.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Bye.
- Bye, Coop. Have a great trip.
- LAX, right?
- Yeah.
Bye!
Bye, Cooper!
- What is this?
- He didn't tell me.
It's my letter of recommendation
for my application.
I see.
- Should I read it right now?
- If you want. It's up to you.
[SIGHS]
"Dear Admissions Committee,
I had the pleasure
of meeting Rachel
as her rehabilitation counselor.
I can say unequivocally
that Rachel is one of the most
promising people I've ever met.
Emphasis on 'people,'
not 'client.'
I could be writing this letter
from the perspective
of how much I gave to her
and how much she learned
during her time here.
But the truth is
that she gave more to me
than she received.
Her ability to flourish
in the face of crisis
has been incredible.
How fearless she's become.
I believe vulnerability
is the greatest form of courage.
And Rachel's exhibited
nothing but that.
Courage of the highest degree.
She had the courage at 18
to face her darkest hour.
To come to L.A.
and seek treatment
for a disease
that no longer defines her.
To face the backlash
from her friends and family
and pursue this application.
It's an inspiration to witness.
I don't personally know
the first thing
about high fashion,
but I do know through Rachel now
that you can't hold
someone back
who's conquered their own mind.
And for that,
I'll remain forever indebted.
All of us need the help
of other people.
Give this young woman a chance,
I beg of you.
I can think of no one more
deserving of your education.
Sincerely, Cooper Ganz."
[CHUCKLES]
["LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE" PLAYING]
Oh, my God, I got in. I got in!
Wait, wait! No way!
Would you mind
turning up this song?
Yes!
Love me like a fire
And I'll love you
Like a flood
I'll give you
Everything I am
Down to the vapors
In my blood
I'll be your broken levee
If you will be my drug
Love me like a fire, girl
And I'll love you
Like a flood
Love me like an anchor
And I'll love you
Like a rock
I'll give you
Everything I have
Even the things
I haven't got
I'll tell you
That I love you
When you're worried
That I'll stop
Love me
Like an anchor, girl
And I'll love you
Like a rock
Come on now and love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
Love me like an altar
And I'll love you
Like a church
I'll give you
Everything I can
Through the good times
And the worst
I'll tell you
I've never done things
When I can see
You want to be the first
Love me like an altar, girl
And I'll love you
Like a church
Love me like a seraph
And I'll love you
Like a saint
I'll give you
Everything you need
And I'll never need
To be thanked
Just promise
You'll remind me
When we're old
And my mind goes blank
That you loved me
Like a seraph, girl
And I loved you
Like a saint
Come on now and love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
Love me like a monkey
And I'll love you
Like a vine
I'll give you
Everything I have
If you'll let me
Call you mine
I'll put you
On my shoulders
Up all the mountains
That we'll climb
Love me like a monkey, girl
And I'll love you
Like a vine
Come on now and love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me
Come on, baby
I need you to love me
I need you to love me
Come on, baby
And love me