Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) Movie Script

Okay, my turn, my turn.
Umm, I got one.
- Great.
Can you make it a little
more challenging this time?
Check this out.
I spy with my little eye,
something yellow,
and round, and
it eats dots.
Seriously, Ralph?
- Yeah, seriously.
You're never gonna get it.
Well, obviously, it's Pac-Man.
- No- that's not ob-
why is it obvious?
Name one other thing in this whole arcade
that is yellow and round and eats dots.
I can name two things: Ms. Pac-Man
and Baby Pac-Man. Boom!
I accept your apology.
- Yeah, you're right, okay.
But, was it Pac-Man?
- Yeah. You got me.
Riddle me this,
Do you or do you not
think that Zangief waxes?
No way, look at the guy.
He looks like a yeti!
I dunno. I mean, if the fur
were confined to his chest
I might agree, but look at
those two very specific
tufts of shoe hair
poking out of his boots.
That does not just happen, Ralph.
That is a choice.
You're totally right, kid!
He's baby smooth everywhere else!
I rest my case.
- My mind is blown.
Let's go get a root beer.
Ok, let's see what you got, kid.
Ooh, nice one!
Okay, I think I got one in the chamber.
Eww! Gross!
- Thank you.
Hey, wanna sneak into Tron?
- Doesn't that game have a virus?
No, I'm sure they've fixed it.
I'm gonna beat my speed record!
Hey! Wait for me!
- Yeah?
I don't think they fixed the game.
Uh, no.
Help! Tron?
Anyone! Help!
Do you realize we're basically
just, like, zeroes and ones
floating around like we are just
tiny specks of dust?
Like, doesn't the very nature of
our existence make you wonder
if there is more to life than this?
Why would I wonder if there is more to
life when the life I got is perfect?
I mean, sure, it doesn't
look so hot on paper,
I'm just a bad guy from
some old video game who
wrecks a building.
Yeah, and for 27 years I was a
total zero without any friends.
But now I got a best
friend who just happens
to be the coolest kid
in the whole arcade.
Aw, thanks, Ralph.
- Watch this.
Home run!
Alright, let's go
watch the sunrise.
Are you really saying
that there is not
one single solitary
thing about your life
that you would change?
No. Think about it. You and me
get to goof off all night long.
Litwak shows up, we go to work, we put
on the hours, then the arcade closes
and we get to do
it all over again!
The only thing I might do
different in that scenario
would be not having to go to work. Other
than that, I wouldn't change a thing.
Hey, where'd the sunrise go?
Alright. Let's get
you plugged in.
That's a plug in alert!
Litwak hasn't plugged in a new game
in forever! Let's go see what it is!
Yeah! Excuse us, excuse us. Hey, Felix!
Calhoun! What's getting plugged in?
Well, Ralph, Sonic thinks it's
gonna be a new pinball machine.
What do you think, ladylove?
I'll bet you a shiny nickel
it's a blood pressure machine.
Kids love those things.
Please be a racing game, please be a
racing game, please be a racing game.
Whiffy? Or Wifey?
Well, it's either whiffleball
or an arranged marriage game.
It's actually pronounced "Wi-Fi", Ralph.
- Yeah, that's what I said.
- And Wi-Fi is the Internet
which is an online community
where human beings go to shop,
play games, and socialize.
- Ooh, fun!
Oh no, it is not!
That sign right there says "Wi-Fi",
what it should say is "Die-Fi".
That's a little humor there but seriously,
the Internet is nothing to laugh at.
It is new, it is different, and
therefore we should fear it.
So keep out, for Pete's sake, and get
to work. The arcade's about to open.
Figures! Finally get
something new plugged in
and we're not even
allowed to go in there!
Totally not fair!
- A new racing game would've been cool.
Something wrong with your game?
- No, no.
It's just every bonus levels been
unlocked, I know every shortcut.
Man, I'd kill for even just a new track!
- New track?
You already got, like, three choices.
- Yeah, I know,
but don't you ever wish
something new and different
would happen in your game?
- Nope.
Well, agree to disagree.
- Wait, I don't wanna disagree.
No, no, it's just a fancy way to say
we don't have to argue about it.
We're arguing? I
don't want to argue!
Relax. Stop making it a thing, go to work.
I'll see you tonight, stench-vessel.
She wants a new track?
I'll give her a new track!
C'mon, Nafisa!
Let's play Sugar Rush!
Pick Vanellope, Swatti!
She's got the best superpower.
Yeah, the glitch!
I love her!
Drivers, start your engines!
You're gonna lose today, princess.
Well, yes, I am technically
a princess, Taffyta.
I'd rather you'd just think
of me as plain old Vanellope,
the racer who is about
to kick your butt.
3, 2, 1, go!
Right on cue.
- I love it when she glitches!
Excuse me, I must've fallen asleep.
Oh, fun, I'm winning.
She's gonna love this.
Right on time!
Looking for something
new, and different?
Then take this track!
Oh, Ralph, you old son of a gun!
I'd say I got a little
time for a detour!
Hey, look! I think I
unlocked a new track!
Never seen that before.
This is awesome!
Thanks, Ralph!
- You're welcome!
Get back up on the track, Swatti!
You're going to lose! - I can't!
It's like it's driving itself!
What is wrong with this thing?
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, kid, I'm so sorry!
Are you okay?
What an amazing track! Thank you, Ralph!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You're welcome!
You know I take my duty as
your hero very seriously.
Wait a minute. You took
a serious doody where?
Vanellope, get up here!
We have a situation.
Mr. Litwak, the Vanellope
racer wasn't working and
I think maybe I turned the wheel too hard.
- Oh!
I'm really sorry.
- Oh, it's okay, Swatti.
I think I can get it back
on there pretty easily.
What did you do, Ralph?
- Nothing!
Leave him alone, he's
just trying to
make the game more exciting.
- Yeah. Why don't you relax, Taffyta?
Litwak will fix it.
Okay. It's still not a problem.
He'll just order a new part.
Well, I ordered the new part
but the company
that made Sugar Rush went
out of business years ago.
I could try to find them on the internet.
- Oh, good idea! - Yeah, me too!
Good luck. You're only gonna
be finding a needle in a-
I got one! On eBay!
- Really? How about that?
See? Those kids have
it under control. They're
just gonna get another
wheel from the eBoy.
Are you kidding me?
How much?
That's more than this
game makes in a year!
I hate to say it but my salvage
guys are coming on Friday.
It might be time to sell
Sugar Rush for parts.
Where's he going?
Litwak's gonna unplug the game!
Go! Go, go, go!
Gang way!
What are you people doing out
your game, for Pete's sake?
The arcade is open!
Sugar Rush is getting unplugged!
We're homeless!
- Yeah, we're homeless!
Oh, what are we gonna do?
Calm down! Calm down.
Get a hold of yourself.
Good Lord, I haven't seen this
many game-less characters
since Space Invaders went down.
Where are we gonna live?
You can stay here until the
arcade closes, I guess,
and then we'll figure out where
the heck we're gonna put you all.
Okay. Here we go.
I raided Gene's fridge.
Good news, he's got pie.
I took a bunch of his
pillows and junk too. I'm
thinking we make a fort out here.
Or like a yurt.
Or, we could take these
pillows and stack
them right and we can make
an igloo out of pillows
like a pillow igloo, pigloo!
So what do you think, kid? Fort, yurt,
or the obvious best choice, pigloo?
I can't believe I don't
have a game anymore.
I mean, like what am I gonna do all day?
What? Come on, are you kidding?
You sleep in, you do no work, and you
go to Tappers with me every night.
I've literally just described paradise.
- But I loved my game.
Oh, come on., you were just bellyaching
about the tracks being too easy!
But that doesn't mean I didn't love it!
Yeah, sure it was kind of predictable,
but, still, I never really knew
what might happen in a race.
And it's that, it's that feeling, that
"not knowing what's coming next" feeling.
That's the stuff.
It feels like life to me.
If I'm not a racer,
Ralph, what am I?
My best friend.
- It's not enough.
No, I just-
I'm sorry. I know I'm being weird.
I think that maybe I just
need to be alone right now.
I'll meet you over at Tappers
in a little while, I guess.
Alright, now, we've found some good
homes for so many of our chums
from Sugar Rush, and we're
just hoping a few more of you
will open your doors and your
hearts to those in need.
I suppose that large green olive
will fit in nicely with my decor.
I'm a sour ball.
- Well, beggars can't be
choosers, can't they?
Come along, condiment.
Marvelous! That just
leaves the racers.
We're like, adorable.
- You sure are!
So, any takers?
Felix. I know we've
never once talked
about having a family before, but-
- I know!
It feels like the kind
of thing you just jump
into with both feet,
and then made a plan!
Felix and I will
give them sanctuary!
Can I get a quick
word with you two?
Look, I get it, you've
been married for 6 years,
you're looking to
spice things up.
But, trust me, adopting 15 children
is the wrong kind of spice.
Those things are basically feral.
- Pardon me, sir,
but those youngsters are lambs!
Lost little lambs
in need of two kind, caring shepherds!
- That's right.
Besides, how hard
can parenting be?
You treat the child like your best friend,
you give them everything they want
and you just love their little socks off!
Right, Tammy? - Darn tootin'.
Hey, mom! Why does your lame
TV only have 1 channel?
Well? Hate to say I told you-
Hey, Tapper?
- No, Ralph, I haven't seen Vanellope.
Not since the last time you
asked me 30 seconds ago!
Sorry. I'm just
worried about her.
She's glitching like crazy and
acting super insecure and
Oh, get this. She said being friends
with me wasn't enough for her.
Not enough? I'm a great friend!
Right, Tapper? Right?
- I'm sorry, who's acting insecure?
Ralph, come on. the kid just lost her game.
Give her a break.
There you ar-
Hey, Ralph.
- Hey, Felix.
Since when do you drink root beer?
- Since tonight.
Yeah, I hear you, buddy.
Hey, listen, this one was supposed to be
for Vanellope. I guess you can have it.
Doesn't look like she's coming.
- Thanks.
You know, I can't help but
think this whole mess is
somehow, partially my fault.
It figures. Just when my life was perfect.
- Mine was too!
But, hey! Now I'm a father of 15!
Isn't that just a blessing?
Wait a minute.
What did you just say, Felix?
Isn't that just a blessing?
- No, that weird sound thing.
Say it again.
Say it again!
- Yeah!
What are you getting
at there, Ralph?
That kid out in the arcade said there was
a steering wheel part in the internet
in something called eBoy
or, eBay! That's it, it was eBay!
Ralph, are you thinking
about going to the internet
and fiding that part?
Getting that part's the only
thing that's gonna fix the game
and that's the only thing that's
gonna make Vanellope happy again.
And if Sugar Rush is fixed, those
lovable scamps living in my house
and destroying my sanity will
have homes of their own again!
Ralph, this is an important mission.
A noble mission!
I will cover for you.
- Thanks, pal!
Ralph, what about your tab?
You're only here for the root beer.
Felix is gonna cover for me!
Drinks on the house, everybody!
Felix is paying!
Ralph, what is wrong with you?
Start churning butter and
put on your church shoes,
little sister, cause we're
about to blast off!
What are you even talking about?
We're going to the internet.
- What?
Yeah, to find the part
to fix your game.
No way!
Yeah, I probably should have just
said we're going to the internet.
We're going to the internet!
- Yeah, we are!
Surge! Are we glad to see you!
We want to report some
malfeasants over by the Whac-a-Mole.
Yeah, we saw some undesirables causing
a real donnybrook over there!
Oh, heck no, not on my watch!
Appreciate the tip.
So, all we gotta do is
find this eBoy place.
- eBay.
- Right, eBay.
So we go over there, get
the steering wheel,
have it delivered to
Litwak before Friday,
he'll fix your game, everything
goes back to the way it was!
Happily ever after!
This is a shockingly sound, well thought-out
idea for you, Ralph, no offense.
I know, and none taken.
Here it comes! Ladies and gentlemen, boy
and girls, I give you the internet!
The internet is not nearly as
impressive as how Sonic described it.
I gotta admit, I'm underwhelmed.
Where do you think they keep their eBay?
- Beats me.
Hello? Anybody here?
- Anyone, hello?
We're looking for eBay!
- You hear that, kid?
Sweet echo!
Check this out.
Okay. Connect to network.
Bingo. Password is "highscore",
with a zero instead of O.
Yes, and we are online.
Ralph, look!
That's a gremlin! Stay away, it's a
gremlin! - It looks like a tiny Mr. Litwak!
Cool! Come on, Ralph, let's follow him!
- Hey, wait for me!
Kid, come back! Wait!
Ralph, isn't this great?
- No, it is not!
Sweet mother of monkey milk!
Kid, I don't think we're
in Litwak's anymore.
We certainly are not, friendo.
We are in the internet!
Come on, Ralph!
Holy cow! Look at
all this stuff!
This is the most beautiful
miracle I've ever seen.
But it's so big. It goes
on forever and ever.
How are we possibly gonna find
eBay out there, Ralph?
Kid! Kid. Don't worry! I'm
sure there's someone out here
who could give us directions.
Look at there, at that guy!
He's got one of those hats
that smart people wear.
I bet he could help us. Come on!
Welcome back to the searchbar, madam.
I hope you are able to find a
satisfactory breakfast burrito
based upon the search results
I have provided this morning.
What can KnowsMore
help you find now?
Where can I find ballet-
Ballet shoes? Ballet classes?
Ballet folklorico? Ba-
Tights. Girl, size small.
Oh, little madam is
trying ballet now, I see.
I hope this last longer
than the soccer phase.
I found 23 million results
for ballet tights,
girl, size small. Isn't
that interesting!
Redirecting to "DesmondsTutus.com".
They never say "thank you".
Oh, hello, sir. Interesting, you
don't seem to have a search history.
Let's start one for you.
What can KnowsMore help you find today?
- Umm-
Umbrella? Umbridge? Umami? Uma Thurman?
- No.
Noah's Ark? No Doubt? Nordstrom Rack?
Ergonomics? Urban Outfitters?
Urkel, played by Jaleel White?
Looks like no-one put Humpty
Dumpty together again.
This guy's a little soft-boiled.
I'm pretty sure he's just trying
to guess what you're gonna say.
Yes. I'm sorry, but my AutoFill's
a touch aggressive, today.
Let me try.
eBay Sugar Rush steering wheel!
Oh. I only found one result for your query!
Hmm. Isn't that interesting!
What? How did you-?
- Ah, the Internet's very intuitive.
Thank you, Mr. KnowsMore!
- Well, you're welcome.
Guess we know where to go if we
ever need a pair of goggles.
There's a whole
building full of 'em!
Look, there it is! eBay!
Ralph, we're really gonna do it.
We're actually gonna save my game!
Told you not to worry. We just
gotta keep our eyes on the prize
and stay focused.
Get rid of belly fat using
this one weird trick!
I love weird tricks!
Sassy housewives
want to meet you!
Congratulations, you're a winner!
- Really?
These 10 child stars went to prison!
Number 6 will amaze you!
- That sounds interesting.
Want to get rich playing video games?
Click here to find out how!
Ralph, come on!
- There's a lot of cool stuff here!
I'll be right here if you
change your mind, brother!
How about you, lady?
Want to get rich playing video games?
Ladies and gentlemen,
the next item up,
a black velvet painting of a sorrowful
kitten, bidding starts at 49.99...
The beaver, the beautifully
taxidermied beaver...
...19367, a gently
used artificial hip.
...going once, going
twice, and sold!
A tortilla chip shaped like
international superstar, Beyonce
Knowles for 400.
- Yay! So happy!
Are you understanding
how this game works?
I think all you have
to do is, like, yell out
the biggest number and
then you win this stuff?
And I thought Qbert's
game was weird.
Hey, kid, hop up here and see if you could
tell where they keep their steering wheels.
There's a bunch of, like,
sports member-abilia,
big baby clothes
called lingerie?
Go to the right.
Move right.
Oh, there's a row with a bunch
of old video game junk.
Oh, there it is! There
it is, I see it!
There's someone else trying to win it!
Come on, hurry, let's go!
We got 275, and with 30
seconds left in the auction,
we have 275.
- Get out of the way!
I'll give you three-
- I got 3. Can you
give a 305? 305? Can
you give a 3-5?
- 305. Give me a 310. Give me a 310.
- 310.
- 320!
- Oh, man, this guy is good!
He keeps coming up with
numbers like it's nothing!
- I hear 3 and a
quarter, do I hear 350?
- Watch this.
1,000! Now we have a bid of 1,000!
- Way to go, kid!
That is a huge number!
- Thank you.
Check this out. 15,000!
- 15,000?
Do I hear 15,500?
- 16,000!
- 18,000!
- 23,000!
- 27,000!
- And sold! For 27,001 to the barefoot
hobo in the broken overalls!
That's me!
- We won!
Congratulations! Here's your voucher
for auction item 197324579.
Please take it to checkout for processing.
So, we are sent to ship one
Sugar Rush steering wheel
to a Litwak's Family Fun Land
in Los Alamitios, California?
- Yeah.
With expedited shipping, that
should arrive, Wednesday morning.
That's two whole days before
Litwak scraps your game!
We're way ahead of schedule!
- We rule!
I'll just need a
credit card number.
Sorry, what's a credi- a crehi car huher?
- A credit, card, number.
Number. Right.
Uh, 7.
- Excuse me?
Sorry. No, you're right.
Ridiculous. I meant 11.
- Those aren't credit card numbers.
I'm pretty sure they are.
How exactly do you intend
to pay for this item, sir?
You owe $27,001.
- Wha?
Dollars? Dollars, like, money?
- Yes.
And if you don't have a credit card,
we also accept PayPal, Verifone,
ProPay, SquareCash, and BuzzzBucks.
You're gonna laugh.
So, this big galoot, he
left his wallet at home.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I did leave my wallet at home in my
wallet room, and the door's locked.
If you don't pay within 24 hours, you will
be in violation of the unpaid item policy.
You will forfeit the bid and
you will lose this item.
Hey, buddy, you goin' to eBoy?
Well, I got some free advice for you.
Don't! What a scam!
The signs aren't even real!
What the heck?
Dang, internet!
Hey, kid, what's wrong?
If I don't have the steering wheel, I
don't have the game! I'm game-less!
There's only one steering wheel on the
whole internet, and we blew our chance
to get it!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, calm down.
We came here to save your game
and that's what we're gonna do.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
There you go. Now, look, all we gotta do
is figure out a way to earn
a little bit of moolah!
We're video game characters, Ralph!
We don't have moolah.
Unless you can think
of some magical way to
get rich playing video games.
Wanna get rich playing video games?
Click right here to find out how!
- Back off, robber.
It's right this way.
- Dang pop-up blockers!
Why does everybody gotta be so mean?
- There he is!
Oh, thank goodness you're still here!
Me and my friend here, we got
24 hours to make 27,001 dollars
or she loses her game!
Can you please tell us how to
get rich playing video games?
You bet!
Click here and I'll
take you to my website!
You got, uh, ample
carriage there, buster.
Causing a little drag.
- Sorry.
You're getting close to the edge.
- Huh?
The edge! The edge!
By the way, my name is J.P. Spamley.
I'd like to welcome the both
of you to the Spamley family!
Step into my parlor.
- This is your website?
I know what you're thinking.
Not to worry
because my antivirus guy
was just as clean as a-
Oh, my gosh, that's
Anyway, I know it's a little mess.
Hey, Gord!
But, I do have a system here, I really do.
If I could just find that. Gord!
Just gotta find this list.
Oh! There you are.
These guys are looking to get
rich playing video games.
What do you- what do you
got for them, partner?
Thank you.
Fishwife's Amulet, Wizard Quest, 3 dollars.
Foxhole Hammer, Zombie Crusades, 5 dollars?
Those there are some of your more
common-place low-dollar items.
- Can you back up a
sec, Mr. Spamley?
You're saying, if we find the Golden Cleats
from Pro League Soccer, we find those
and bring them back here
to you, and a human
being in the real world
will pay us 15 dollars?
Yes, ma'am!
Welcome to the exciting
world of loot hunting!
Folks go into games,
they harvest the most coveted
items, and they sell 'em on my web site
to the highest bidder!
Okay, and here's the thing.
We need, like, a buttload of money.
So do you have any more
lucrative items, maybe?
Gord! Gord!
Oh, there you are.
Thank you, buddy.
You're such a nice guy.
Is $40,000 lucrative enough for ya?
It's more than enough!
- Look, I got a guy in Des Moines, Iowa
who will pay 40 grand for Shank's Car
from a game called Slaughter Race.
A racing game?
- That's right.
Slaughter Race is the most popular
online racing game out there.
However, it's wicked dangerous.
- We ain't afraid of danger.
This kid is the best
racer in the whole world!
We'll get you that
car, no problem-o.
Slaughter Race! Enter
at your own risk!
This game is kind of amazing!
The attention to detail
is pretty impressive.
I don't think I've ever been
in a game with smog before.
Nice kitty!
Nice kitty!
Let's just find Shank's
car and get out of here.
- Agreed.
Look! There it is!
That car is gorgeous!
No wonder it's worth so much.
Shocker! Players.
They beat us to it.
31 hours of continuous gameplay,
and we finally found Shank's car.
Let's jack this ride.
- Oh yeah, DirtySocks. It's on.
Jimmy! You're not playing that
horrible video game, are you?
No, grandma! I'm doing my homework!
Okay. Like I said,
let's jack this ride.
While the cat goes away,
these mice try to play.
I think that might be Shank.
- Listen up, mice.
Anyone who tries to
play with this cat ride
is gonna get got!
- You're going down, Shank.
Pyro. Give those punks the works.
- With pleasure.
End of the road!
- Gosh dang it!
Now I gotta start all over!
Ralph, maybe-
Where are you going?
- I, am scared.
If we get burnt up in here, that's
it, we're dead, we're gone.
So I think we should get
out of here right now.
No, wait. I have an idea.
Hey, Shank?
- What's up, Pyro?
Do you reckon we're going a
bit too hard on the players?
Honestly, no. I don't.
Of course I have empathy for players
like DirtySocks537 and BabeRahamLinkin.
But if we just let them win,
where's the life lesson, you know?
Yeah, but, to Pyro's point, I mean,
those players worked so hard to get
- I hear you, Felony,
but imagine a game without challenges.
The same predictable
thing every single time?
Who wants that?
- Shank's right.
You know, I just saw a
really insightful TEDtalk,
and I can't really remember
what the guy said,
it was more about how it made me feel,
but I think ultimately the point
was, I honor your choice, guys.
And we honor yours, Butcher Boy.
- Thank you.
Hey, Shank. Did you ever wonder what it
would be like if someone actually did
get your car?
- Well, I know one thing.
Whoever that is, will have
to be the best of the rest.
Good day to you, madam.
- Who are you?
I'm here from the, uh, Department of Noise.
And, the thing is, we've been getting
some complaints down at HQ.
Larry's the one who
takes the calls.
Anyways, someone told Larry that we've
been hearing a lot of gun sounds...
This is nice!
Where have you been all my life?
...so I came to check on things.
- I'm sorry, who did you say you were again?
Oh, I'm... Larry?
Nah, you said Larry
took the calls.
Good job, Larry!
- Yeah! Worked like a charm!
Are you kidding me?
Someone got Shank's car?
And I need yours.
I'm just- I'm just gonna go.
This is the worst
day of my life!
It's a shame we have to leave so soon.
This game is cool!
Just get us out of here so we
can get this car to Spamley
And get paid.
- No problem!
Look at this guy coming in hot.
You mess with the bull, you
get the horns, little girl!
You still have value, Butcher Boy.
Oh, no! It's that Shank lady!
She looks upset.
Ah, don't worry, I will lose her.
Kid, get back on the track or
I'm gonna lose my cookies!
There is no track! I can drive anywhere!
Kid, she's coming
up right behind us!
Oh, hello!
I believe you have something of mine?
- Yeah, come and get it!
This girl can drive!
Would you hurry up and lose her?
- I'm trying!
Hang on, chumbo!
Mother of Hubbard, this
lady can really drive!
Kid, there's a fire! You see the fire
there? That's a dead end! Dead end!
- Not for me!
Bye-bye, Shanky!
That's the stuff!
- Good job, kid!
I feel like me again!
One exit straight ahead!
You're not gonna lose me that easy.
- How did you-
You might wanna keep your eyes on the road.
- Kid!
Department of Noise.
Get out of my car!
What are we gonna do?
- You just stay put. Don't panic.
I'm gonna talk to her.
- Ralph, be careful.
It's fine. This is
what heroes do.
I'm stuck!
This car is not
designed for a big boy.
You guys really thought you
could just steal my car?
Well, let me tell you
what's gonna happen now.
- No, wait!
Listen. We aren't
normally car thieves.
My friend here, she's
a candy cart racer.
You should see her racing
on her sweet little track
in her cookie wafer
cart we built together.
The thing is, her perfect little game
broke and it was- it was my fault!
So, we are here to try to fix
it and we need money to do
that and someone was gonna pay
us money to steal your car-
Okay, okay. You can stop crying.
Though I do respect your wonderful
display of vulnerability.
Thank you.
I get it. I do. Friendship
is everything to us, too.
Right, guys?
- Right.
We're like family.
- That's really great.
So does this mean we can keep your car?
- Absolutely not.
But I do wanna help.
Hey, you got your phone on you?
You know it!
- Let's make a video.
Pyro! Hit big boy
with the blowing gun.
I'd love to.
- Wait, what's a blowing-
Say something. First thing
that comes to your mind.
I'm gonna wreck it!
Good! Alright. Turn it off.
What the heck did you do that for?
- Yeah.
There are much better ways to
make money on the internet
than stealing cars, such as,
becoming a BuzzzTube star.
Am I supposed to
know what that is?
Come on, now, everybody
knows BuzzzTube!
It's the video sharing site.
- I'm just starting your account.
Alright, there you go.
If this thing goes viral,
you can make a lot of money.
A friend of mine, chick named Yesss,
she's the head algorithm over there.
Tell her I sent you.
Yesss will hook you up.
Wow, that's very nice of you.
- Not sure if "nice" is a right word.
Thank you.
- I should be thanking you, little sister.
That race was fun.
- Oh. Well, uh, thank you again.
Shank, what moves did you do to
get through that tunnel of fire?
Was it a power drift
into a drift jump, maybe?
If you ever want to come back
for a rematch, I'd be happy
to kick your butt again. See ya.
- Show-off.
That place was scary.
- I know, it was so exciting!
No, exciting is when you smile.
Scary is when you
clench your butt.
And my butt is still clenched.
Oh, come on, are you honestly
telling me that Shank
lady wasn't the coolest
person you ever met?
Cool? Name one cool
thing about her.
Let's see. She looks cool, she
talks cool, she drives cool,
her hair is cool, her car is cool.
- Wait a minute.
You're saying my hair's uncool?
- What? No.
I'm just saying the game was next level.
There's no one telling you
what to do, where to go.
Hey, just where do you thing you're going?
- To BuzzzTube. It's this way.
No, no, no, no, no, we're
going back to Spamley's.
He can give us some
easier loot to find.
No, we're supposed to
see Shank's friend.
Oh, come on. I don't trust
that Shank one bit.
- Well I do.
Well I-
- Hello, mister!
Who are you?
- I'm your friendly eBay alert messenger.
An actual eBoy.
Just here to let you know
your bid expires in 8 hours.
8 hours? Okay, thanks, eBoy.
You got it, Jackson.
Chumbo, if we nickel and dime it
with Spamley, it will take 20 years
to make enough money
to buy the wheel.
Alright. Fine, we'll do it your
way but I'm telling you right
now that BuzzzTube place
is a terrible idea.
There are all kinds of videos in here.
Yeah, like beavers and cats.
Look! There's you!
Wonder why those little guys are
giving your video all those hearts?
Obviously, they love me.
I told you this place
was a good idea.
Yeah, I'm sure you did, doof.
Now, who were we supposed to
see about getting paid again?
The head algorithm.
Her name is Yesss.
No. No. No. Uninspiring.
YouTube's got this one.
Chewbacca Dad? Really?
- Yeah, it's like Chewbacca Mom,
but it's a daddy.
- No!
Heyyo! Are you the head of Algor?
I am the head algorithm of BuzzzTube,
which means I curate the content
at the internet's most
popular video sharing site,
which means I don't have time
to trifle with every shoeless,
mouth-breathing hobo that
trundles into my office!
Call security, Maybe.
- Yes, but Yesss, this
is the leaf blower guy.
- The man with undulating jaws?
- His video has 1.3 million hearts.
Why didn't you tell me I was
in the presence of a genius?
Grab him a drink.
Yeah, this lady named Shank,
she actually made the video.
She's the one who told us to come see you.
- No wonder your video's so dope.
Shank is for real cool.
- Right?
She is not. I'm the cool
one, getting all the hearts.
That's right, you big baby.
What did you say your name was?
- Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph.
Well, Wreck-lt Ralph, you are trending!
And these are for you.
Hearts, hearts, hearts, hearts,
hearts, hearts, hearts, hearts!
Not to buzzcoat the lovefest
you guys got going on here,
but Shank kinda told us that viral
videos can make, like, actual money?
Hearts are money, honey. Your Buzzzy
account converts hearts into dollars.
Kid, we only needed $27,001. We're done!
- Oh, no, no, no.
No. That's $43.
- 43? That's not even half of 27,001.
We only have 8 hours
left to save my game.
I hate to say it, but,
that ain't happening.
Your video's tapped out.
- But I thought I was "trenching".
You were, but that
was 15 seconds ago.
Now, you're not.
Thanks for stopping by, though.
What we gonna do, kid?
- Alright, pal, I have an idea.
Hear me out.
What if we go back
to Slaughter Race,
and I ask Shank-
- No, no, no.
We're not going back to that death trap.
Yesss, what if I made you
a whole bunch of videos of me
doing all kinds of crazy things?
You mean saturate the market?
That could give you a
lot of hearts fast.
Have you thought this through at all? What
do you plan on even doing in these videos?
I'll just copy whatever's popular.
- Genius!
Yo, Maybe, what's trending now?
Let's have a looky-looky.
As usual, human
suffering is number 1.
Followed by hot pepper
eating challenges,
video game walkthroughs,
screaming goats are back,
unboxings, cooking
demos, makeup tutorials,
and lastly, bee puns.
Let's "bee" friends!
Two weeks in a row, guys.
That's a fortnight of bee puns.
He won't be doing any bee puns.
They're beneath you.
- Oh, I'm doing the bee pun. Yes I am!
And I'll be eating a hot pepper,
and I'll put on a makeup,
whatever else it takes
cause kid, we came here
to save your game,
and we're gonna do it!
I love it! That is what
the internet was made for!
Now, let's get to work!
Yo, McNeely, you remember Wreck-lt Ralph?
- That bad guy from the old video game?
Yeah, exactly. I'm gonna send you a
super random video. Check it out, dude.
Hey, everybody. Welcome to Up to the
Meme-it. I'm your host, Dani Fernandez.
Nobody knows who's making them,
but the whole world is going bonkers
over a series of truly bizarre videos
starring 80s era bad guy, Wreck-lt Ralph.
Check out what everyone's buzzing
about over at BuzzzTube.com.
Hey, guys. Wreck-lt Ralph
here with the ghost pepper challenge.
Supposed to be spicy.
We'll see about that.
It's not so-
It's very hot!
Oh, make it stop!
Yo, McNeely. Another one just dropped.
Check it out, dude.
Where are these
things coming from?
Hey, Josie? Have you seen
the pepper challenge?
Not yet, I'm watching the one
where he just smacks his lips.
It's disgusting!
...just wanna blend that
out there, like this.
And that, my friend, is how you
achieve the perfect cat eye.
Start with the "hootenanny",
shift it into a "floss",
and then finish with a "hot marat".
...I'm gonna give this little
cloud a little friend.
Everybody needs a friend.
...sleeping under his ears.
...and we've been baking at about
950 degrees now for 6 hours, so,
it should be ready.
Voila! Burnt pie!
Let's get a little whiff of this-
My hair, my hair, my hair!
This man is on fire! Literal
and figurative fire!
But he still needs 200 million
hearts in the next 5 hours
or this beautiful
child loses her game!
That's why I'm onto phase 2!
You! My elite pop-up army, I
need you out there popping up
and getting click all
over the internet.
I'm talking Tumblr, Instagram, Mashable!
Be my Pied Pipers, and lead that
beautiful traffics of buzz, too,
because Wreck-It Ralph needs his hearts!
Hey, mister! Hey, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, you, you!
You don't want to miss this!
It's the latest Wreck-It Ralph video!
Click it!
Click it!
Man, oh, man, that looks so fun!
Yesss, can I be a pop-up?
I don't know. Can you be
annoyingly aggresive?
I don't know. Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Oh, yes. You're perfect!
- Thank you.
If you're going, I wanna go.
- No, baby. You gotta stay here
and be my movie star.
- What? No, no, no, no.
Me and the kid are
like shoes and socks.
Or peanut butter and bacon.
One cannot exist without the other.
Go on, kid. Tell her.
- It's true.
In fact, it's so true
that we will be
fine if we're apart for a minute.
- B-but-
Come on, pal. It's my game
we're trying to save.
I just wanna get out there and be useful.
- Without me?
What if you get lost?
You're just a kid!
Oh, and you're
some mature adult?
I'm bigger.
- Don't be insecure, big fella.
She's not gonna get
lost, I promise.
She'll be in my
personal web browser.
And your app comes with BuzzzFace,
so you can keep in touch
anywhere on the internet.
- See?
I'll be fine.
- I know, I just-
We haven't been apart in, like, 6 years.
I'm going to miss you.
- You'll be fine, too.
The more hearts you videos get,
the faster we'll get the wheel,
and then we can go home.
We'll be celebrating at Tappers
this time tomorrow, buddy.
Yeah. I guess you're right.
Be careful, huh?
Don't be a dummy!
So where exactly are
you sending her?
- Well, since candy girl
comes from an arcade game,
I'm thinking she'd be good
in the gaming district.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Bad idea.
Those games are dangerous.
And they rotten your brain.
Why don't we send her somewhere a little
more, totally different from that
and nowhere near there?
Let's see. Family-friendly
fan sites, that sounds safe.
And she is technically a princess,
so how about this one here with
the sweet little pink castle?
I love it! Okay, I'll
redirect our newest pop-up
to "OhMyDisney.com"!
Jeez-Louise, this place is bonkers!
Oh, come on! Princesses and
cartoon characters? Lame.
Hey. Easy there.
- Oh. I mean, no offense or anything.
Time to get to work!
...and for your final question,
my friend would describe me as?
Smart, funny, kind, or brave.
Kind, I guess?
Based on your answers, your
princess BFF is, Snow White!
Hey, wanna meet my BFF? It's Wreck-lt
Ralph. Click here to see his new video.
Thank you!
In Captain America: The First Avenger,
Red Skull refers to
Yggdrasil, the World Tree,
guardian of wisdom and faith.
Are we to believe, sir, that you
are a descendant of that tree?
I am Groot.
- Okay. Okay, thank you very much.
What is Drax really like?
- I am Groot.
Thank you.
- Are you a conifer or a fruit berry tree?
Excuse me, I'll take this one.
He is Groot, I am Vanellope.
Click here to meet
Wreck-It Ralph!
This is almost too easy.
You have a permit
for that pop-up?
That's unauthorized clickbait.
You're coming with us, kid.
She's getting away!
This way.
Sorry, mister!
Hey! Can't you read?
Cast members only!
Think she went out this way. Come on.
- Roger that.
Did you see a kid
coming through here?
- Came running through
here like a headless hen.
Any sign of her?
- No.
Maybe she went out to the Airbud memorium.
- Come on, let's check it out.
Whoa, whoa, ladies, I can explain!
See, um... I'm a princess, too!
- Wait. What?
Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of
the, uh... Sugar Rush von Schweetzes?
I'm sure you've heard of us.
It'd be embarrassing for
you if you haven't.
What kind of a princess are you?
- What kind?
Do you have magic hair?
- No.
Magic hands?
- No.
Do animals talk to you?
- No.
Were you poisoned?
- No!
- No!
Kidnapped or enslaved?
- No! Are you guys okay?
Should I call the police?
Then I have to assume you made a
deal with an underwater sea witch,
where she took your voice in
exchange for a pair of human legs!
No! Good Lord, who
would do that?
Have you ever had true love's kiss?
- Eww, barf!
Do you have daddy issues?
- I don't even have a mom.
Neither do we!
And now for the million
dollar question:
Do people assume all
your problems got solved
because a big strong man showed up?
Yes! What is up with that?
She is a Princess!
Who made your gown? I've never
seen anything quite like it.
Oh, this old thing?
- I'd so love to have one of my own.
As would I.
- Me too!
I want one too, you guys.
- I'll get my mice on this.
So this is love.
All hail Princess Vanellope,
the Queen of comfy.
Of all the thingamabobs
in this entire world,
I never thought I'd get to wear a real...
What's it called again?
Oh, yeah. A shirt.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait. What's going on?
Uh, she's singing.
- Yeah, but there was, like,
music and the spotlight and-
Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
That's what happens when a
princess sings about her dreams.
Oh, that's never happened to
me, I mean, not even once.
Why don't you give it a try?
What is it you really want?
Sing about that.
- Okay.
Okay, uh, sure. I can do that.
Uh, let's see.
Well, there's a lot
to unpack here.
So, this steering wheel you
sing of, that's a metaphor?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's not a metaphor.
It's just, I literally
want a steering wheel.
I think the issue was I
was a little pitchy.
- Maybe a little.
But sometimes, your song can't start
until you go someplace
to reflect.
- What works for some of us
is finding a form of
water and staring at it.
- What?
Oh, yes. I like to stare
at a wishing well.
I stare at the ocean.
Horse trough.
- Soap bubbles.
Wait, you're saying if I
just stare at some water-
Ah. Important water.
- Right, of course,
important water.
I stare at the important
water, and somehow
magically, I'll start
singing about my dream?
For sure.
Uh, yeah. I don't think
so, ladies, but thanks.
Five minutes, Princesses.
Another "Which Disney Princess are
you?" quiz starts in five minutes.
Okay, thank you.
Well, I guess it's back
to the gowns, girls.
It was lovely to
meet you, Vanellope.
And best of luck
finding your song.
Uh-huh... What did she just say?
- We don't know.
We can't understand her.
- She's from the other studio.
Hi, everybody. Wreck-It Ralph here
with a little box I'm gonna open.
Let's see what we got here.
A Pancake Milkshake Fun Set.
Got a little heft to it. Something's
wobbling around in there.
Have we got the kitty or the bunny?
Let's open the-
Open "sesabees"!
Who would've guessed
that bee pun
would be the thing to
put us over the top?
That's the internet for you
Alright. It is uploading.
- Hey, mister!
Hi, eBoy.
- Just here to let you know
your bid does expire
in 30 minutes!
Thanks, little eBoy.
- You got it, chairman.
You hear that, Yesss? We don't
have a lot of time left.
Okay. We just gotta-
No, no, no. No! Not now!
- What? Why are you angry at the lollipop?
What does that mean?
- The file's not loading.
If this doesn't load,
we're not gonna make it!
You don't have enough hearts.
Ralph, where are you going?
Going down to the floor
to get some hearts!
Genius, good thinking!
Now someone get me tech
support in here, stat!
Oh, no, only one person.
Hey, guys. Come and check out my video.
You're gonna love it.
Right over here. Here we go.
What are you-
You guys!
A cat?
You're gonna like this better
than some dusty old cat.
Give me that hose, partner.
You know you love it.
You give me those hearts!
Hey, folks, where are you going?
Give my video a heart!
That's it!
Let's see who's in here.
Hello? Anybody in here?
What the heck is this place?
Some kinda library?
"Wreck-lt Ralph is back."
You're talking about me!
Gee-whiz, the internet is so positive.
"Fix-lt Felix Jr. was my favorite game."
Mine too.
"Ralph's videos stink."
"So stupid."
"Ralph is the worst."
"I hate him."
"He's so fat and ugly."
"Just a worthless bum alone
on a pile of bricks."
Yo, Ralph. You in here, dude?
I gotta show you-
First rule of the internet:
Do not read the comments.
Should've told you that.
Look, this place can bring out the worst
in some people, but you
gotta ignore all this.
This isn't about you, Ralph.
It's about them.
I don't care. It's fine.
People hated me my whole
life for being a bad guy.
It's just a good reminder that this is
the only heart that really matters.
Vanellope gave me this.
And as long as she likes me,
I don't need anybody else.
And I sure don't
need the internet.
Hold on. It's not all bad.
The internet can also be a place where
you find a steering wheel at one website
and make enough money
to buy it at another one.
Congratulations, Ralph. You did it!
- Really?
Yes! Check your Buzzzy account.
You needed $27,000, you
got over 30 grand!
Oh, my gosh! This is great!
Thank you, Yesss!
I couldn't have done it without ya.
- That's really true.
Hey, eBoy!
- What do you need, Ace?
Can you give me a ride?
- Let's hop along, Cassidy!
Come on, song.
Come on.
I'm reflecting.
What is it that I want?
What is my quest?
What is my dream?
Well, at least I tried. No song
for this princess, I guess.
How does this thing work?
Hey, kid, can you see me?
- Yeah, you're right there.
We did it! We got the money!
No way, Ralph! That's great!
I'm on my way to eBay right now with eBoy.
We're almost there, champ.
- Good work, eBoy.
Meet me out in front of
eBay in 5 minutes, okay?
Okay, I'll see you soon.
We're going home, kid!
Our lives could finally
get back to normal.
Wow, I can't believe
that I get to go home.
So I guess that's it. I guess I
just wanted a steering wheel.
And now I got it, so, woo-hoo.
Slaughter Race?
You want to get rich
playing video games?
Click here to f-
Oh, Ralph. Ralph!
Hey there.
- Oh, hey there, Spamley.
What's the good word, brother?
- The good word is I just
paid for the steering wheel
and we are going home.
- Thanks.
Have you seen Vanellope anywhere?
- Your little chum? No, no, I haven't.
Hope she's not lost.
I'm gonna try to reach
her on this doohickey.
See over there? Over that mountain?
- Yeah?
That's the Sequoia Speedway.
It's gonna be unlocked next month.
What are you doing in
that awful game with her?
...right over there.
It's gonna be so tight.
I love it.
Can I tell you something that I don't
think I could ever tell Ralph?
Of course.
I know it sounds crazy, but the
second I walked into this game,
It felt... well, it felt like home.
More than Sugar Rush ever did.
- Oh, yeah? How so?
Cause it's like my dream.
It's full of weirdos, and the
racing is super dangerous, and...
...you never know what's
gonna happen next.
Back home, I know exactly
what's gonna happen next
because Ralph's dream is to
do the same thing every day.
Here's something I wish
I'd learned years ago.
There is no law saying best friends
has to have the same dreams.
You know?
Yeah. You are a very wise person,
Shank. And a good friend, too.
Thank you.
Around here, peeps
like to say "Shank you."
You know, after you go home, and
your life gets back to normal,
you're always welcome here.
- But that's the thing,
I want this to be my normal.
I want this to be my life.
I can't go home now.
I just can't.
You know, where I come from,
that's called a kick in the face.
I can't believe it.
- Straight up donkey kick to the teeth.
She's supposed to be my best friend.
No, this can't be right.
No, she's been brainwashed!
That's what this is. Cause
the Vanellope I know
would never abandon me like that.
I gotta get her out
of there right now.
Easy now, tiger!
I admire the impulse,
but you charge in there like
some white knight,
she's likely to hold it against you.
So what, I'm supposed to let her stay in
the game that's obviously bad for her?
Of course not.
- Then how do I make her leave?
She thinks it's so cool
and exciting in there.
Unless you know how to make a game boring
You know about viruses and stuff.
Right, Spamley?
Who's asking?
Back home, me and the kid use to goof off
in this game called "Tron".
But then it got a virus that
made the motorbikes go slow
and then Vanellope stopped
wanting to hang out there.
So, do you know a way to do something
like that to Slaughter Race?
Oh, there's ways.
Follow me.
This area right here is
what's called the "Dark Net".
Lot of shady characters
hang out here.
So try to keep a low profile.
Now Gord here, he's
dabbled in virus-making,
but his cousin, this guy
we're gonna go see, Double Dan.
This dude is a virus
making machine.
Here we are.
- Are you sure this is safe?
Is it safe? Of course it is.
Just whatever you do,
do not look at his little brother.
Oh, his little brother?
Double Dan, long time no see?
- Who are you?
J.P. Spamley. We've met one time over at
Friendster. It had to be a long time before.
What are you lookin' at?
- Nothing.
- You lookin' at my brother?
No, sir.
- Don't you look at my little brother!
No, I wasn't!
- He's very self conscious!
You. What are you doin' here?
The reason why I came to
the neck of the face,
I mean, there's a face on your neck,
I mean, neck of the woods.
The reason I'm here is because
I heard a little tumor.
Rumor! I heard a rumor that
you could give me a harmless
virus kind of thing
that might be able to slow
down the Slaughter Race game?
Oh, yeah.
My cousin, Gord, told me
that you wanted to crash it.
Crash it? No! No, no, no, no.
I don't want anyone to get hurt.
If there's a way to just,
uh, I don't know. Just make
the cars go slow or something
so the game is boring
and my friend comes back home to me.
Allow me to introduce you
to Arthur.
Easy there, boy!
He's tingling.
Arthur is what I call
an "insecurity virus".
Means he looks for little
flaws and weaknesses
that make a program insecure.
You release him into that
Slaughter Race game,
Arthur will find some
defect in the code,
then he'll copy that defect and
spread it all over the game
'til everything
becomes quote-unquote
"boring", just like you wanted.
Okay. Just to be super clear here.
No one get's hurt, right?
Are you stupid?
Because the only way anyone
gets hurt is if you are stupid.
All you have to do is make sure the virus
stays in Slaughter Race.
- Right. Don't be stupid.
Make sure it doesn't get out
of Slaughter Race. Got it.
Get out! - Thank you for your assist-face.
Out! I mean, assistance. Thank you
for your assist-face! Assistance!
- Get out!
Well, that's game.
- Beginner's luck.
Come on, kid. I know a
hustle when I see one.
Players on the way.
- Thanks, Bob. Let's roll!
It's show time. You ready
for your first race?
Yeah. I think so.
Don't get nervous.
You're gonna be great.
I know, I know. I'll be fine.
You didn't tell Ralph yet, didn't you?
- Not exactly.
Come on, V, he's your best friend.
You gotta let him know
you're planning on staying
here for a while.
I know, but he's gonna get really upset.
Yeah, you might, but you guys
will talk, you'll work it out.
You'll figure it out.
- Yeah, but what if we don't?
What if his feelings get hurt so bad
he won't wanna be my friend anymore?
Look. All friendships change.
But the good ones, they get
stronger because of this.
Shank, I hate to bother you,
but the player is waiting.
I'm not gonna tell
you what to do, kid.
It's your call.
- Okay.
Let's race!
Scanning for insecurities.
Scanning for insecurities.
Precious Car-Go!
Deliver the car to
Bert's Chop Shop.
But watch out for
Shank and her crew!
Power drift into a drift jump!
I saw it. You're amazing!
- Thank you!
Scanning for insecurities.
Looks like we're not finished.
Come on, V.
Relax, relax. I'll just
call him after the race.
Ralph will be fine.
Insecurity detected.
Copying insecurity.
Distributing insecurity.
Distributing insecurity.
Distributing insecurity.
What is happening?
What's going on, Spamley?
The whole place is going crazy. I
thought that virus was just supposed
to slow down her car!
- It was.
He must've found something
real unstable in there.
It's her glitch.
Game reboot begins
in 60 seconds.
Hey, Ralph, you can't go in there!
They're gonna reboot the game
and anything that doesn't belong
in there will be deleted!
Yeah! If I don't get her out of
there, Vanellope's gonna die!
Come on, kid. The game's crashing.
Let's go!
I think it's my glitch!
I'm sorry! I didn't mean
to destroy your game!
We'll be fine but your code
isn't part of this game! We've
gotta get you out of here now!
Follow me to the exit.
Kid? Kid, where are you?
The server's rebooting, Ralph.
Both of you have to
get out of here now.
Here, I got you!
Game reboot in 5, 4,
3, 2, 1.
Reboot in progress.
Come on, Vanellope.
Wake up.
There you are. You okay, kid?
- Ralph. I messed up so bad.
No. No, you didn't. It's okay.
- It's all because of me and my glitch.
I should've just stayed with you instead
of following some stupid dream!
I've ruined everything!
- No, kid. No.
Look, I didn't mean for
it to happen like this.
It's not supposed to be this bad.
You didn't mean for
what to happen?
I might have, kind of, sort of put a
harmless little virus in the game.
A virus?
You did this?
I wouldn't have done
anything if I hadn't heard
you tell Shank that you want to
live in Slaughter Race forever.
So you were spying on me?
You aren't exactly innocent here.
You were gonna ditch everybody
and abandon Sugar Rush!
I'm one of 16 racers.
They never missed me.
What about me?
Why would I ever spend
another second with you
after what you did?
Vanellope, where are you going?
- Where ever you're not.
Wait a minute. I can explain-
- No! You will not follow me!
Vanellope, please!
- A friend would never do what you did.
Never! So you leave me alone!
Vanellope, no, no, no, please! Please?
Scanning for insecurities.
...don't leave me!
Insecurity detected.
Copying insecurity.
No, no, no!
Distributing insecurity.
Oh, no.
You're such an idiot!
What is your problem, Ralph?
I told you, don't follow me!
Cut that out. You're scaring me.
- Friend.
What the?
- Friend?
Sweet mother of Ralph!
In breaking news, the internet
is under assault as a massive
denial-of-service attack crashes
servers across the web.
The Wreck-It Ralph virus is
fast moving and destructive.
Experts are still trying to understand who
or what the virus's intended target may be.
I found 130 results for "Where does my
high school girlfriend live now?"
You're welcome.
- Mr. KnowsMore!
Oh, delightful! You're
that courteous little
child who says "please"
and "thank you".
What can KnowsMore
help you find today?
There's a whole-
- Whole Foods? A hole in the ozone?
Whole Lotta Love by British
rockers, Led Zeppelin?
No! There's a whole bunch
of Ralphs chasing me!
This would probably be an appropriate
time for me to shelter my site.
How long you think
before they get in here?
Precisely one second.
Hey, it's me! It's the real me!
- My apologies.
I followed those things here.
I think they're looking for you, kid!
Yeah, you think?
What did you do?
I'm so sorry! I don't
know how this happened!
Well, I think it's
fairly obvious.
It happened because an insecurity
virus cloned all of your needy,
clingy, self-destructive behavior,
the very behavior which
left unchecked and
destroy friendships and
in this particular case,
the entire internet!
KnowsMore! You have all the answers.
Official query.
What do I do if clones of me are
trying to capture my friend?
I found 2 results for your query.
Either you put all of
your clones in therapy,
very unrealistic,
or, the Anti-Virus District is surrounded
by a gate, made from security software.
If Vanellope could somehow lead
all the clones to the gate,
they would be deleted
all at once!
Sort of a co-dependant
Pied Piper situation.
Wait. We know a Pied Piper!
You do?
- Yes!
- Yesss.
Yeah, but who is it?
Oh, you mean Yesss?
Thanks for your help, KnowsMore!
It's a bit of an empty gesture
at this point, wouldn't you say?
Guess I forgot to tell Ralph
that when you "break" the internet
you don't literally have
to break the internet.
I can't believe he did this.
Yeah, I mean, dude obviously made
some real questionable choices here,
but he also made a bee pun to
save his best friend's game.
So, what can I say, kid?
Life's complicated.
You ready to pied the piper?
Yoo-hoo! Up here!
It's me, your bestest friend in the whole
wide world who you can't live without!
From up here, I can see
how I do come across
as needy and clingy
and self-destructive
like KnowsMore said.
Listen, kid. I don't blame you for
not wanting to be my friend anymore.
I never said I didn't
want to be your friend.
I said you're acting like a bad friend,
which you were.
- I know I was-
Hey, my babies! There's the
Anti-Virus district, straight ahead!
Alright, to be
continued, okay?
We're gonna make it!
You guys okay?
- I'm fine.
Yeah, all good. Look,
we can still do this.
Come on, big man. Help
me turn this thing over.
That is unsettling.
Get Vanellope out of here now!
What about you, Ralph?
- Just go!
I got a date with the
man in the mirror.
You keep away from her!
I'm gonna wreck it!
She's not your friend!
She's mine!
Here it is, this way!
Come on, kid, we gotta move!
Hey! Let go of me!
Get back here!
You put her down!
You know, you're acting
like a real bad guy here!
Well, you are,
and I will never be your friend!
Catch me if you can, you big dummy!
I gotcha, little sister.
Now go, get out of here!
- Ralph!
- No! Don't hurt him! Please, no!
Stop it! You're squishing him!
You're gonna kill
my best friend!
Fine, you win. You win, okay?
Please put him down.
I'll be your only friend, okay?
Let him go.
- No! No, kid!
That's it. That's it, yeah.
Let him down, and I'll go with you.
We'll be best friends forever.
Just me and you.
That's what you want, right?
Well, that's not what I want!
It's not right to hold a friend back
from her dreams. You don't own her!
That's not how friendship works!
You need to let her go!
You need to let her go.
I know. It's gonna hurt a
little bit when you do.
Ah, who am I kidding,
it's gonna hurt a lot.
But you're gonna be okay.
We're gonna be okay.
Right, kid?
Of course we are.
See? No matter where she
goes, or where she lives,
she's always gonna be our friend.
You just gotta trust her.
Cause that's what best friends do.
Thanks, buddy.
I feel good about this.
Ralph, look! I think you
fixed your insecurity!
You're right!
Ralph, no!
Park it right here, Ralph!
Your old pal, J.P. Spamley's got you!
Wow, that didn't work.
Look up there!
It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing!
Thanks, Frogger.
Wait a minute, who
are all of you?
We're friends of Vanellope's.
Yeah. And any friend of
Vanellope's is a friend of ours.
You're welcome.
- Ralph!
Looking good, big fella!
This dress is not made for a big boy.
It's going right up the back alley there.
Let me just make a little adjustment.
There we go!
Internet users are breathing a
collective sigh of relief tonight.
Just as mysteriously has it appear,
the Wreck-lt Ralph virus has vanished.
You know what I just realised?
The sun never rises or sets here,
cause everything is always on.
Isnt that an astute observation?
- I know, right?
Other than KnowsMore, I'm probably
the smartest guy in the internet.
- Yo, V! We're about to come back online.
You ready?
Be right there!
Hey, Ralph.
Don't be a stranger.
Well, I can't be much
stranger than you, Shank.
That's a good dad joke!
Hey. Don't forget, you
know, Shank added my code
in and everything, so I'll be able to
regenerate. I'm gonna be totally safe.
I know. It's gonna be great!
You found your dream game.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
I should probably head
in there now, you know?
Before you go, I wanted
to give you this.
I'm so sorry I broke it, Ralph.
No, no, it's okay.
Now we can both have a half.
I love you so much.
I'm really gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too, kid.
I really am.
Okay, you're getting a
little clingy on me here.
Go on, get out of here. The
world's waiting for you, kid.
I'll be honest.
It still feels kinda
weird around here.
A lot has changed.
even though we got that steering
wheel and saved Sugar Rush,
it's never really
gonna be the same.
For one thing, the racers aren't
even that obnoxious anymore.
Oh, golly! I'm sorry you
didn't win, Taffyta.
Our friendship is much more important
to me than winning, Rancis.
Losing builds character!
Everyone's a winner, Taffyta.
Felix and Calhoun, as goofy as they are,
they turn out to be pretty great parents.
I gotta hand it to you two.
How on earth did you tame those things?
It's simple, Surge.
The key to parenting is to...
...and then what you do is...
...and that is the secret to
raising perfect children.
I wish every parent could hear that.
I'm keeping busy, too.
Finally joined Zangief's book club.
- Good point, Bison.
And how about you, Ralph?
Do you feel Dostoevski intended
to make narrator unreliable?
I do and I don't.
You do and you don't?
Duality. That's really deep, Ralph.
- Thanks, Sonic.
I don't know what
I'm talking about.
Oh, and we got this new thing
we do every Friday night
where we all go and hang
out in a different game.
I actually hosted this week.
Heyo! Hope you're all hungry.
I made burnt pie!
What's burnt pie, Wreck-It?
Just a pie that you burn.
You can do this with any pie.
You just leave it in the oven for too long.
We really do have a lot of fun.
Guess that's pretty much all
the news I got for you.
Oh, man, your stories
never disappoint, Ralph.
I just wish we can hang out sooner.
- Yeah, me too.
When did you say you're getting those days off?
- Our update starts on January 25th.
So, like, 2 months from now?
- That'll go by in a flash.
Speaking of which, you want me to bring
you anything from home when I come visit?
You know what I cannot find
anywhere on the internet?
A halfway decent Burger Time burger.
I've been talking to
Shank and the crew, and
honestly, I think they're
starting to think
I'm making it up!
- Alright. Consider it done.
I'll bring you
guys a truck load.
The sun's coming up already.
Guess I better get to it.
- Yeah, me too.
Talk next week?
- I shall await your call, Madame.
Then, ado-ado. Farting
is such sweet sorrow.
So long, stinkbrain.
- Bye, kid.
You doing okay there, Ralph?
- Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great.
Come on, Felix.
Let's get to work, buddy.
Hey, Mo!
Did you like the movie, sweetie?
Well, there was a scene
in the trailer that
wasn't in the movie.
And that makes me sad.
Oh, that's too bad! Maybe playing
your game would cheer you up.
Ooh! Ooh, ooh! I wanna try, I wanna
try, I wanna try! My turn, my turn.
Pancake. Milkshake. Milkshake. Milkshake.
Pancake. Pancake. Milkshake. Milkshake.
I'm starting to understand why
people like this game! Very zen!
Hey, everybody! Look what I found!
More pancakes!
Sweet! Let's speed it up!
Pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake,
pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake,
pancake, pancake, pancake,
pancake, pancake, pancake.
Eat, little bunny. Eat, eat, eat!
Ralph, you might wanna try feeding
the kitty for a little while.
No, the kitty gets the milkshake!
The bunny gets the pancake!