Ramon (2023) Movie Script
Ramon [2023]
I love you too much to lie to you.
Listen...
Let me take care of you in my own way
and everything will be alright.
There, there! Don't cry.
You'll look amazing.
- Good afternoon!
- Easy, the road is not paved yet.
Good afternoon!
You stole the bride!
No. The wedding is yet to happen.
- Ramon.
- Mircea Tulipan, director and producer.
We came from Bucharest to film nearby,
but we had some issues with the location.
This beautiful vineyard belongs to you?
Of course. It's mine!
The bride must be upset.
I can see she's smoking.
So, how much?
For what?
To have the wedding here.
How could I possible ask for money
from newlyweds?
I'll help in any way I can.
- Smoking will affect your babies.
- I don't want babies.
- So, you will help us out?
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Come over!
Cover all that! I don't want to see it.
Cover all that!
Stop!
From this side...
I can help!
Cut! Great! Moving on to the next scene.
Alina!
Alina... Everything is great,
but I would love it
if you'll look a little more sad,
as if you're on the verge of crying.
Imagine that you'll never ever
see this place again.
Why wouldn't she see it again?
She can visit anytime with the groom,
it's a big house...
Ramon, please,
I've been up since 4:00 A.M.
I am begging you, the client is not happy.
If I don't get this right, it's bad!
Why? It's a celebration!
I simply look at the bride and groom
and all my troubles go away.
Ramon...
- Listen, the groom is really upset.
- Why?
His best friend, who was also
his best man, didn't show up.
Oh, my!
Would you like to be his best man?
Me?
Yes, it's such an honor
to be the best man...
Right! But listen!
You have to be silent.
Why?
His best friend, the best man,
is deaf and mute.
And if the groom hears
any kind of noise around him,
it will remind him that he's not here.
So...
- Mute.
- Mute.
- Mute.
- Mute.
Miu! Undress him
and give his clothes to Ramon!
And don't move.
- Miu, go bring Ana on set.
- OK!
Alina, I spoke with the client
and he wants to change the last line.
You'll say "Yes, I'll love you forever."
What?
It's no longer "I will always love you"?
Come on, Mircea, what the...
I told you I need the script
one day in advance!
I can't memorize it that fast!
- Alina!
- Come on!
Miu, get Ana on set.
Get Ana on set!
Ana!
Ana, I am so sorry, we're running late.
We'll speed things up.
Here's what we'll do now:
Alina will say her line...
My line.
Your line...
She'll throw the bouquet,
you'll catch it and everyone is happy,
we call cut and we all go home.
OK, let's roll!
Rolling... camera A... camera B...
Scene two, take three.
Rolling! And action!
I'll love you for the rest of my life.
No!
Forever! That's all you have to say.
I can do this.
- I'll love you anytime.
- No!
- Always!
- No!
Scene two, take ten.
- Action!
- All the time.
Action!
Scene two, take 21, rolling!
Scene two, take 29.
Je t'aime!
- The bouquet.
- The bouquet.
Please, read this.
"Yes, I'll love you forever."
To him.
Scene two, take 31!
Action!
Yes!
I'll love you forever.
Cut! It's a wrap!
Let's take a photo for continuity.
Closer please.
Okay.
For you!
YES, I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER.
Guys!
I'm getting married.
Onion, am I drunk or did he just say
that he's getting married?
One doesn't exclude the other.
So what if he said that? He did say it!
- Who are you getting married to?
- To a girl, who else?
Look!
- Her name is Ana.
- Ana?
Yes. She's from Bucharest.
You can't go to Bucharest,
because it's too dangerous out there.
Right, Onion?
I can't argue with you there,
it's a lot of traffic: cars, buses, trams,
airplanes, subways...
It's too polluted and you can't breathe!
There are earthquakes out there,
buildings will fall on you!
- Right, Onion?
- Right, right...
People aren't that kind.
There are a lot of lazy and drunk people
out there.
- Right, Onion?
- Right.
But the ones who drink are not lazy,
because they can afford to drink,
and the ones who drink are not lazy,
because they can afford to drink.
I have no business
with lazy people or drunkards,
I am going to find her father,
who is a good man, and ask for her hand.
Ramon, if your clock is ticking inside,
you can find a girl in the village
or in the vicinity.
Right, Onion?
Well, Half-pound, I don't know how intense
Ramon's feelings are.
Where are you going to stay
when you get to Bucharest?
Do you know how expensive hotel rooms are?
It's as much as your five year yield.
Right, Onion?
If it has stars, yes.
If not, then it could be cheaper.
Don't worry about that.
This is a postcard from my cousin
who spent all his vacations here with me
when he was a kid.
And now, I will stay at his place.
I have his address on the back.
What about the vineyard?
You will leave it?
Unattended?
All alone, Ramon?
Well... I spoke to it,
and I told it I'll be back soon,
the day after tomorrow.
So, you're leaving the vine
for a broad, Ramon?
Women are dishonest, the vine is not.
Right, Onion?
We have two syllogisms here.
Cherchez la femme and In vino veritas.
OK. So what should I do, Onion?
You should go get her.
- Should I?
- No doubt about it.
Look at what's happening in Bucharest!
... famous art, but the star of the show
is the painting called "The wine bottle".
An abstract masterpiece put on display
in Bucharest for the first time.
The exhibition is part of a cultural
exchange between Romania and Spain
and it will be open to the public
for two months.
If that's a wine bottle,
then I'm Nadia Comneci!
Where's the bottle? Where's the wine?
Right, Onion?
You are a fool, Half-pound.
That is a surreal painting!
Do you know what that means?
What?
Surrealism is when something can't be.
But if it can't be,
it doesn't mean that it's not, right?
- Is this wine bottle here?
- It is.
And you can you drink it.
Then this is what I say.
Let's drink for Ramon's wedding,
which can't be,
but that doesn't mean that it's not.
Right.
No, no, no, don't fill it up!
What are you doing?
We split everything equally.
That's how we do things.
This is an exception.
- To Ramon!
- To Ramon!
Ramon!
Hey!
You look so handsome!
That's the way!
You'll definitely find a girl now!
I've already found her.
I'm going to Bucharest!
Are you driving to Bucharest?
Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
Where are we?
- In Bucharest!
- Sorry.
Get off!
Get off!
I'm sorry! I was dreaming.
Thank you!
Peasant!
Forgive me.
Boss, do you have some change,
so I can buy some bread?
- What?
- Give me some money to buy bread!
- Or a coffee...
- Why don't you go to work?
Are you high? Get out of here!
Dear sir, pardon me.
Sir, I am trying to find this address.
Here, 70 Hope Street.
Look, 70 Hope Street.
Dear sir...
Sorry, do you know where Hope Street is?
- Behind the park.
- Behind the park...
Good afternoon.
Is Emilian at home?
I'm his cousin.
Second cousin, but good cousins.
Auntie Nica had a girl
and that girl had Emilian.
We're second cousins, good cousins.
Didn't he tell you about me?
He spent all his holidays with me,
at the countryside.
I taught him that,
if he ever cuts his finger,
he should pee on it
so it doesn't get infected.
Short, stocky, weirdly dressed...
- What's your name again?
- Ramon.
Ramon. Just that!
Not sure. He could be a scammer
or he could be who he says he is.
No, it's me, Ramon.
Wait a second.
Sent!
OK.
Come in.
Emilian is still at work,
but he'll be home soon.
Did you do a church wedding
or was it just at the City Hall?
Neither. It's not for us.
I was thinking that cousin Emilian
wouldn't get married
without inviting me and auntie Nica.
This is for him,
from last year's harvest.
And this is for you.
Look, Ramon, I don't want to...
Pork bacon from the pig I raised
and cut myself...
...from the pig I raised and cut myself...
We used to get along so well, you know?
His name was Aurel.
Hey!
Hey, girl!
Wake up!
You sat upside down,
all your blood rushed to your head.
I would slap you, but you're so skinny...
Hey! Wake up! Wake up, girl!
Hey, girl!
That's it! Wake up!
- Ramon?
- Yes?
What are you doing?
Nothing.
I didn't do anything!
Ladybug!
Ladybug, are you alright?
She sat there upside down,
and her blood rushed to her head.
Open your eyes. That's it.
I didn't do anything.
Open your eyes... good.
Yes. It's all good.
- Cousin...
- What did you do to her?
I didn't do anything.
We were just talking.
- I'll kill you!
- That's all!
Cousin, we were just talking.
She said you'll invite me
to your wedding when the time comes.
What wedding?
I brought wine and pork bacon...
Look, real pork bacon!
From the pig I sacrificed two weeks ago!
The smell is incredible! See?
What did you do?
What did I do?
Ladybug is vegan.
She's... what?
Vegan. She doesn't eat living things
or anything that comes from animals.
Wow, is she really that ill?
Open your eyes. Open them.
Open those beautiful eyes.
Krishnamurti?
Krishnamurti!
You smell like a corpse!
Krishnamurti!
You ate meat,
that's why you're hysterical.
Ramon!
What did I do?
The meat was fresh!
Take this, Ladybug,
it will make you feel better.
Yes... Let me kiss it and make it better.
- Are you feeling better, Ladybug?
- I am.
I take it you met cousin Ramon,
and not in the best circumstances.
I'm sorry.
Yes, we met. And Ladybug and I talked.
Her name is Gabriela.
That's Ladybug's name?
Oh Lord, that's so good to hear.
I thought her parents went cuckoo
and named her after a bug.
Gabriela sounds great.
She's great.
Cousin, I came here to get married.
With a girl named Ana.
You're getting married?
It's about time, right?
That's why I came, to ask for her hand.
Then I'll go home and plan the wedding.
I have a big barrel of wine,
I'll sacrifice five pigs...
I told you that Gabriela is vegan,
she can't stand to hear this.
But you used to like pork...
you used to eat the pig's ear...
you used to cut it off yourself...
I'm sorry!
Forgive me!
If she doesn't want cabbage rolls
at the wedding,
we can give her some plain cabbage
and bread.
I haven't showed you Ana.
No, no, no.
I don't have the slightest idea
of how that girl
ended up in the photo with you.
- We were...
- No, no, no.
I don't want to ask,
because I have the feeling
that your explanation will exceed
my ability to comprehend.
Don't worry,
I'll pay for your ticket back,
and, if you don't mind,
it would be great if we'd carry on
without ever meeting again.
Cousin,
I have no idea what you're saying.
What I am saying
is that no one in your family tree
will ever get a woman like that.
And what I'm saying is that
now we'll go to the train station,
because you've done quite enough.
- I didn't do anything.
- No, no...
- I wasn't...
- No, no...
Maybe it seems unnatural to you,
given the fact that I have spent
all my holidays there, as a child,
but...
back then, you seemed to be a normal kid...
who looked like he would grow up
to become a normal guy...
but, obviously, something happened
somewhere along the way...
and now we're here.
Watch out for cars!
Give Ladybug a kiss from me. I'm sorry!
Look how in love she is! Poor thing!
- I came here to get married.
- You're getting married?
No one in your family tree will ever get
a woman like that.
Short, stocky, weirdly dressed.
What about the vineyard? You'll leave it?
You'll leave the vines for a broad, Ramon?
What should I do?
Should I get married or not?
No doubt about it, Ramon!
Sorry. Excuse me.
Good afternoon.
Sir, I know that Bucharest is a big place
and not everyone knows everyone here.
But, do you know this girl?
Her name is Ana and I want to marry her.
Wait a minute.
Isn't this... wait, don't tell me.
Is her name Ana?
Yes.
I came here to ask her father
for her hand.
Well, I know her father, we're friends...
he lives right next to me.
Are you a serious man?
Do you have any savings?
I mean, the girl is beautiful and all.
Of course I do.
I have the largest vineyard back home.
I have pigs, a cow... as big as that car.
Well, then what can I say?
Ana's a lucky girl.
I'll get you there. Get in!
Bucharest is really nice!
Buildings don't fall down here, right?
- Right?
- What? No, they don't!
The air is lovely, too.
We met in my vineyard
at Struguracu de Sus, where I am from.
And now I want to ask for her hand,
because her father wasn't there with us.
That's what my friends advised me:
"Go ask her father for her hand".
We are four really great friends.
Half-pound, Long and Onion,
and we share everything. Everything!
We've always done so.
Well...
Are we there yet?
Give me everything you have.
What are you saying, sir?
Get out!
Where? Here?
Give me all your money!
Don't tell me you're a thief, sir.
Give me everything you have
and stop looking at me like that.
Sir, that is just... it's a pity, sir.
Chief Commissioner Angela Niculescu.
This is a public space
and you are guilty of indecent exposure.
Please follow us down to the station.
Let's go! We're picking you up!
Hey! Get up!
Turn left! There's the door!
So, Mr...
Ramona?
Ramon. The "A" is silent.
Write with a silent "A".
- Place of residence, Struguracu...
- De sus.
Struguracu. Right.
We have one ID,
one post card...
One...
"Yes, I'll love you forever."
And I have this money.
They didn't check my socks.
Put it there.
And one... pho...
Oh, my!
Costel...
You want us to believe
that this is the girl you want to marry?
Yes, and I came to ask for her hand.
They look so good together!
My birthday was three days ago.
Happy birthday!
Thank you!
I took the guys out for a beer,
because that's the right thing to do.
And because the guys like me
and that is the right thing to do,
they surprised me with a gift.
Do you want to see it?
I do.
Don't I?
Look.
Unlike you, I didn't go to Hollywood
to find Brad Pitt's mother
and say "hi, mother-in-law".
Well, why not? He's nice.
You'd make a good match.
Give him some clothes.
Let's get you dressed up.
What does it imply... if I sign?
That you are responsible for his actions.
You are aware
that he's not a functioning adult.
And if I don't sign?
If he turns out to be in his right mind,
he'll get three months
to two years in prison.
If it turns out
that he's not in his right mind,
he'll get committed for treatment.
It's all up to you.
Do you sign?
Hi, cousin!
You'll sleeping at my place tonight.
Tomorrow, I'll get you to the station
and, this time,
you'll really get on that train.
I am not leaving the station
until I see that train leaving.
Cousin, I'm not getting on any train.
I want to find this girl.
- I want to ask for her hand.
- She's not real. It's all a dream.
How could it be a dream?
Then what's this?
I'll give you the same answer as
the French peasant when he saw a giraffe.
"This is not real."
What giraffe?
I'll take you to the station tomorrow.
But, please, tonight,
stay away from any conversations
suggesting sacrificed animals,
because I don't want to see Ladybug
passed out on the floor again.
Because he's my cousin, that's why...
What did you expect? Let him sleep
on the floor, at the police station?
It's none of my concern where he sleeps.
I almost died because of him.
What was I supposed to do, Ladybug?
To let them commit him into a nuthouse?
Or go to prison?
- He's my cousin!
- Second cousin!
I've spent my holidays with him
when I was in primary school...
and he never stepped foot
outside that village...
don't you think I owe him just a bit?
He's a murderer! He kills animals!
And he eats them, too!
Ramon?
This is great.
CAT FOOD WITH TURKEY LIVER
What are you doing here?
Hello!
Get off my bench! Get out of here!
- Are you talking to me?
- Who else? Get out of here!
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I thought that, if it's out here,
it's free. I'm sorry.
Well, you thought wrong.
After midnight, it's no longer free.
After midnight, it's private property.
I'm sorry, I didn't...
Sit down.
May I?
Sit down already!
Thank you.
Here. Are you thirsty?
What's this?
What the hell does it look like?
It's wine!
It's not the best quality.
What was that?
Well, aren't you a little princess...
as if you've been raised
with premium wine only!
Well, yes, from my own vineyard.
Give it back to me!
- What's wrong with it?
- Well... it's...
It's really good, isn't it?
Why are you standing, peasant?
Ana appeared.
Who's Ana?
So what if she appeared?
I'm marrying her.
Why is everyone laughing?
This is no laughing matter.
That's why I came to Bucharest,
to ask for her hand.
She's beautiful, right?
You know, that is not a real girl.
- What do you mean? Look at her.
- She's not, peasant.
It's an animation, a moving image,
that's all.
She's not like other women, get it?
One that eats a chicken drumstick
and gets meat stuck in between her teeth...
I mean, no one saw this girl,
no one met her in real life.
Look!
You have a photo with the hot girl?
You're not as stupid as I thought.
You're taking the train, aren't you?
Why is everybody trying
to get me on a train?
I'm not getting on any train!
I'll ask for her hand!
And then I'll get on whatever you want.
But with her!
- Peasant, where did you take this photo?
- At a wedding in my vineyard.
She was a friend of the bride
and I was a friend of the groom.
I was deaf and mute,
that's why I couldn't propose then.
You were deaf and mute and now you're not?
It was just for the wedding,
the father-in-law asked me to pretend.
Not even Ana knows that I was pretending.
If she fell for me when I was
deaf and mute,
when she'll see that I'm not...
she will be amazed.
I'll go look for her tomorrow morning.
What do you mean you'll look for her?
You don't have her father's address?
I told you that I was pretending to be
deaf and mute and I couldn't ask.
Peasant, here's what we're going to do.
I'll help you find the hot girl,
and you tell me what's in it for me.
What do I get if I find her?
Why would you want to help me?
Peasant, I offered...
I'll give you a pig.
And a barrel of really good wine.
Do you have pickles?
You like pickles?
I love them.
You have eyes like pickles.
Peasant, let's shake on it
before I change my mind.
- What's your name?
- None of your business!
- What's yours?
- Ramon.
- Ramon?
- Ramon.
...and my mom wished for a girl,
so she could name her Ramona.
But she was really skinny,
because that's how she was.
And she died during labor,
because I was really big.
I was close to ten pounds.
And my dad was so upset, and he got drunk
and then he went to the City Hall
to declare me,
and when they asked for my name,
he said, "Ramona".
And they said, "But, it's a boy!"
And he said that was my mom's wish,
to name me Ramona.
So that's it.
So your name is Ramona.
Ramon...
The "A" is silent and it's barely visible
on the birth certificate.
- This way?
- Come on!
Mr. Gilic!
Mr. Gilic!
Hey, Mr. Gilic!
- Who's there?
- Me!
It's me!
My little princess, is that you?
You scared me.
- Hello, Mr. Gilic.
- Hello.
- What are you doing here so late?
- I came with this guy.
Don't look at him like that.
He grew up in the countryside.
He looks a lot like our Barto.
It's as if they're cousins.
Hello, Mr. Gilic. My name is Ramon.
Well? What can I do for you?
Mr. Gilic, you know a lot of actors
and actresses.
Ramon wants to ask about a girl,
to see if you know her.
He fell in love and he can't find her.
Show him the photo.
She doesn't work at this theater.
I can tell you that for sure.
But I saw her.
Yes, I remember. I know her.
See?
She came here to rehearse
for a couple of weeks.
- Cute... polite...
- Mr. Gilic... where can we find her?
How would I know? I don't know.
I remember she used to come
with coffee every time.
She used to buy it
from the coffee shop outside.
Why don't you go ask at the coffee shop?
They must know her.
Tomorrow... go and ask about her.
You are so kind, Mr. Gilic.
I'll make it up to you.
- Good day.
- I'll buy you a beer.
- Thank you so much, Mr. Gilic.
- Good day and I hope you find her.
- Now you know where to find her.
- Yes.
Thank you.
Pickles.
Good night.
- I was thinking that...
- You know what...
- You go!
- You go!
- No, you.
- You go!
I insist.
Do you want to see Bucharest at night?
Yes.
Do you know how old these rocks are?
Say a number.
Fifty. No. One hundred.
A thousand plus years.
Traian and Decebal built it.
I hope you heard about them.
- Of course I did. They are our ancestors...
- Yes...
They didn't get along, they argued...
It's not quite like that.
They got along at first. Just like us.
They were in cahoots.
"Traian, I'm coming over",
"I'll wait for you Decebal",
they were grabbing a beer, a shawarma...
then they did something stupid...
- What?
- They wanted to open up a hotel.
And apparently the contractors stole
from them.
Then they had a huge fight.
- Listen, why do you live on the streets?
- Me? I don't. I have a home.
Here it is.
Here?
This is a photo boot.
It's not windy.
Have you ever taken photos?
Yes.
Are you hungry?
Yes. Starving!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- You said you were hungry.
- I am.
Here you go.
Thank you, princess.
- You're welcome.
- Let's go!
- Do you know her?
- We grew up at the same orphanage.
She saves food for me sometimes.
And we're not paying for it?
Do you have any money?
Yes, I do.
Look.
What are these?
I have no idea, but they look bad.
We have mici.
Tasty, right?
When you're hungry,
anything will taste good.
I told you.
Life's great.
You can say that again.
Life is really great!
Sonia.
Sorry?
My name is Sonia.
Wow, that's huge! It's bigger than on TV.
It is. Do you know what's underneath it?
Shawarma, restaurants, a stadium,
casino... everything you could wish for.
- Underneath this?
- Yes.
Can we go inside and take a look?
Not really.
But I know a way.
These guys have a flat tire.
- Let's see if they need help.
- It's none of our business.
You helped me, remember?
You should always pay it forward.
Do you have a tire?
- Yes.
- Do you know how to fix it?
I am good with that.
Don't worry, we're fine.
The coffee shop will open soon.
Let's go and ask about that girl.
We'll get there in time,
let's help them with the tire first.
Do you have the spare tire?
Great, we can do this!
It will take less than ten minutes.
- Let's go. We have things to do.
- Leave him alone. Let him finish it.
I'll be done in a minute.
I had one more bolt to tighten.
They didn't even thank me.
Let's go!
They forgot the wrench.
Let's get in, fast!
- We're getting in?
- Of course!
- Nice, right?
- Yes.
- Let's get to the coffee shop.
- Let's go!
This way!
CLOSED FOR HOLIDAY
WE'LL BE BACK ON THE 12TH
That's ten days from now.
I can't wait that long,
I have to go back to my vineyard.
THE UMBRELLA PLACE
Hello? We're from the gas company.
Well, you're on vacation
and the gas is leaking!
You wanna blow up the whole street?
What are you doing?
Come and unlock
or we'll break down the door.
Don't scare them...
If you're not coming, we're breaking down
the door, OK? This is not a joke. Got it?
She'll be here at 6:30 PM.
Morning.
Morning.
What will we do until then?
We'll stay at my cousin Emilian.
Where's Ramon?
I though he left first thing
in the morning, like you promised.
- He'll let us in?
- He's my cousin. Of course he will.
He's not in his room.
You don't expect me to be sad now
because the imbecile is gone.
I taught him how to cut chicken.
- Why?
- For soup, for stew...
He was supposed to leave with me.
Early in the morning... but, with me.
What do you want me to do about it?
- Is that Ramon?
- Why is Ramon...
Turn it up.
I can't find the remote.
- Are you sure it's this way?
- Straight ahead.
Look! Ramon is on TV!
"The wine bottle" painting that was
estimated at 50 million euros
has been stolen from CANM,
from inside the Palace of the Parliament.
The insurance company offers
a 100.000 euros reward
for any information that can lead
to the identification of the suspects.
The heist happened last night...
The police is checking
the surveillance cameras
within the Palace of the Parliament.
"The wine bottle" painting
that has been stolen
is part of the Romanian-Spanish
patrimony exhibition,
and it's worth...
Call the police.
Ladybug, they'll arrest me.
I signed for him. They'll...
These are the images...
The police believe we are dealing
with professional robbers.
It's him! Look!
Oh, I don't feel too good.
We'll go to the police station.
We need another car.
- We need another car.
- We need another car.
We are on the good side.
Let's go.
I think they left their door open.
Cousin!
Cousin!
Ladybug!
Cousin! Look!
There's no one here.
I hope Krishnamurti didn't eat the cat.
Emilian!
Here! This is the wine
I was telling you about.
- Is there a bathroom in here?
- Yes, up the stairs.
CAT FOOD WITH TURKEY LIVER
Sit down.
Taste it.
Nice.
Eat.
Okay.
- Bring me a large whiskey. Thanks.
- Sure.
Come on!
For how long have you and your cousin
planned this robbery?
Madam,
I haven't seen this man
since I was in the fourth grade.
I work in IT, and he doesn't even have
a cell phone,
he just showed up at my door.
This man, Ramon,
who doesn't even have a cell phone,
stole a multimillion euro painting
that was guarded by an army of policemen.
He played you. He played all of us.
And look where that got us.
- No! Don't touch me!
- Sonia! It's OK! It's me. Ramon.
OK.
Breaking news!
One of the people on the surveillance
camera at the CANM has been identified.
According to the police,
the suspect's name is Ramona.
Although it's a woman's name,
we can clearly see that this is a man.
Is that us?
An inexplicable fact that...
Yes.
...we are dealing with professional thieves.
We're on TV.
The same source says that he is
from Struguracu de Sus
and that he is a renowned viticulturist
in the area.
We'll carry on with our investigation,
and you will go home now.
And if your cousin
gets in contact with you...
We'll call you right away, of course.
Right, Ladybug?
Sure! We'll call...
Right away!
From the footage,
we can see that the suspect's car
had a flat tire
right in front of the entry
to the Palace of the Parliament,
which leads straight to CANM.
That's why they left so fast
after we fixed their tire.
...was the person next to him...
Ramon, what did you do?
They'll put us in prison
with the guys who stole the painting!
Why would they jail us
if we haven't done anything wrong?
The Spanish government offered help...
I can't understand, how he could do that?
Steal that painting?
And I don't understand why he's blond.
Stop it with the blond hair already.
You drive me nuts.
When he was a kid, he had dark hair,
now even his eyebrows are blond.
- No, no, no, no!
- No! Cousin!
Ramon, how could you steal that painting?
Why would I steal that?
Did you see how ugly it is?
- I wouldn't have taken it for free.
- The phone!
Then how are you in the footage?
- Because of Half-pound.
- What?
Yes. He taught me how to fix a flat tire,
and I just helped those people...
Stop it, Ramon! You don't know
how to explain what actually happened.
We were taking a walk last night
near the Palace of the Parliament
and we saw these people
who had a flat tire.
And your cousin helped them fix it.
That's all.
- Who are you?
- It's none of your business.
It's not important. What's important is
that we have nothing to do with it.
Ramon and I.
Wait a second. So you saw the robbers?
Of course we saw them
if we helped fix their tire.
They'll arrest all of us.
Ouch!
Cousin, I signed for you,
and you helped the robbers.
Why would they arrest us?
I thought they were good people.
That is why I helped them.
They haven't even said thank you.
And they left this wrench behind.
Ouch! I hurt my hand.
What?
ON THE HUBS
"On the Hubs".
We have to check this out.
No, we don't. We have to call the police,
like we said we would.
Hey, princess... call where?
I have your phone.
Local police confirms
the prosecutors issued an international
arrest warrant for the two suspects.
It seems like the list of suspects
is extending,
as there's information
that the two robbers
received help from, quote,
"some relatives in Bucharest".
We'll be right back.
Now, let's make a short recap of...
Ladybug... No one will believe this
if we have no proof.
Let's check this out
and then we go to the police.
We have nothing to hide, right?
No, I'm not going back to the police.
I've been there before.
- No! I'm not going either.
- I'm not going.
I'm not going.
I found it in the Registry of Commerce...
Wait... Look... "On the Hubs".
There's an address.
It's not far.
Do you have a car?
Oh, no, Ladybug is really concerned
about the global warming.
- Do you know how much a car pollutes?
- We have a tandem.
- What's that?
- A bike for two.
- We'll get that.
- Let's go!
- No, no, no!
- Let's go!
I'm coming with you.
I signed that I am responsible for you, cousin.
Then she comes, too.
As soon as we're out that door,
she'll call the police.
- I'm not going!
- You sure are.
I saw a green bike downstairs.
No. It belongs to the building manager.
- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
The manager will kill me.
Look, Ramon!
- Let's go!
- Hey!
Wait! Ramon, what are you doing?
Where are you going?
I'm going to the coffee shop
to ask about Ana.
Ramon, this is where...
Let's go after him. Oh, boy!
Ramon, that's not the way!
- Where are we going?
- Straight ahead.
Boss, you're killing me, I swear!
It's like a meat grinder!
It's called "gut", Costel.
And it is essential in our line of work.
How do you think I've solved
so many cases?
How?
- By having a gut, Costel.
- Yes.
- Watch out!
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
- Madam, do you work here?
I am the owner.
There were some people
from the gas company. They just left.
- They even went into that sewer.
- But everything's OK now.
- Yes, boss.
- We'll talk when I get back.
Yes, they said they'll be back
in an hour or so to check again.
- Madam... Show her the photo.
- I can't believe what I found.
Do you know this girl?
Yes. It's Ana. Ana Roca.
- You know her?
- Yes, she's my friend.
She's an actress and model.
She comes here often.
But you won't find her now.
I spoke with her yesterday and she said
she's leaving for Rome, to film there.
Ramon, let's go!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
These are the robbers from the CANM, man.
The whole country is looking for them
and I am the one who found them.
Wait! They're leaving. Hold on!
Straight ahead!
I can't believe this!
Go, Ramon!
So this stolen painting
has been on display
in the greatest museums of the world:
at Louvre, the MET,
the Museum of Modern Art, everywhere.
It is an honor it was stolen in Romania.
We can pride ourselves with it.
Most likely, the painting is in that bag.
It's in the bicycle bag.
It's in that bag.
I have to go.
Good afternoon! We interrupt the program
with incredible news
about the robbers from the CANM.
Famous blogger Selly
managed to find the robbers
somewhere in Bucharest.
They appear to have abandoned their car
and are now using delivery bikes
to avoid police filters.
Look, a door!
Nicoleta?
Sorinel?
The stolen painting!
My gut guided me
to arrest him before he even stole it.
That's instinct, Costel.
You're back from school, Nicoleta?
Is Mihi also coming,
so I can fix something up for all of you?
Hey...
Are you alone?
I'm not alone now if youre here.
Mom, please answer. The plane will be here
any minute and I have to go.
Mom! Nicoleta will stop by
to check on you.
I'll be gone for a few months.
I can't hear anything, it's too noisy.
I'll see you in a few months
and then you'll move
into a big and beautiful house, mom.
You'll see! We're rich, mom!
It's gone! They're leaving the country
with the painting.
They can only take it out of the country
with a small, private plane.
I'm breaking into ROMATSA's database
to see what's scheduled for tonight.
- Ramon, what are you doing?
- I'll be back.
- What is he doing?
- I don't know.
It is incredibly ingenious
that the 50 million euro painting
is hidden in the delivery bag.
Mom, I cooked something for you.
OK, Sorinel.
- Ramon, what are you doing?
- Nothing.
I've got it! It lands at 8:50 PM,
gets refueled and takes off at 9:25 PM.
It's 8:00 PM!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
As you can see in the live broadcast
by the famous blogger Selly,
there are now four suspects,
and he's following them up-close.
We remind you that a famous painting
has been stolen last night from CANM.
The main suspect is Ramon,
a Romanian citizen
who seems to have been helped by three
other people, who are still unidentified.
All we know at the moment
is that his name is Ramona,
but the "A" at the end is silent
and it's pronounced Ramon.
He has no criminal record
and his neighbors say
he's a great viticulturist.
- Boss?
- Let's recap...
Sorry! I'm sorry to bother you.
Have you seen the news?
I haven't. Because I am not being paid
to watch the news.
- ... from CANM.
- What's on TV?
The guy that was here,
the one who stole the painting.
He's wandering through town
with a delivery bike,
a girl and two other people.
A blogger filmed them. Look...
...international. Right now, Ramon
and the other three accomplices
are trying to leave Bucharest
by pretending to work
for a delivery company.
According to Selly, the painting
is hidden in the delivery bag.
Everyone, let's go! Move!
Two-zero, copy!
This is commissioner Angela Niculescu.
To all available units.
Look for a suspicious delivery bike
with a red bag on it.
I repeat, alert all units.
Police has blocked all the exits
and filters have been installed
throughout Bucharest,
which is now in lockdown.
- Costel, turn left.
- Yes, boss!
Can you go faster, Costel?
Stop! Good!
Everything's OK. Go! You can go.
Unit seven, you just let them pass.
They didn't have the bag.
There were two bicycles and a tandem,
you morons!
Go after them!
- Follow them, but don't arrest them!
- Let's go! Faster! Move!
Turn right!
Turn right! There!
The cops are following us!
- Where?
- Behind us!
- Unit seven, where are you?
- We're going to the airport!
To all units,
we're headed for Bneasa Airport.
Okay.
We have an emergency at check-in desks!
This way!
Come on!
- What the hell are you doing, Costel?
- I'm on it, boss, I'm on it...
Hurry up!
There's a plane out there!
Let's go! We're coming, Ramon!
Give me the painting!
Give me the painting!
Don't move!
Now!
Stop!
There's the bike!
That's the painting.
Now that we have the painting,
can we find Ana, too?
- What did you say her name was?
- Ana Roca... she's leaving for Rome.
- You're the one who filmed everything?
- Yes.
Good work!
Four hundred lei for not wearing a helmet,
one and a half thousand
for driving on the wrong side,
one thousand for endangering traffic.
- But thanks to me...
- Fill a report.
Yes, Ma'am.
- Wait a minute...
- Come with me.
For Rome, when does it leave
and from what gate?
Thanks.
You're in luck. Come on! Let's go!
Ana!
Back there, I was deaf and mute,
but... I can talk.
It's you!
I came to tell you something.
Eduard!
- Is this your father?
- This is Eduard, my husband.
Goodbye!
Good morning, Bucharest.
Good morning, Romania. What a festive day!
The President of Romania is giving
honorary medals to the heroes
who recovered the painting
stolen from the CANM.
What a turnaround!
From main suspect, Ramon became
the savior of this famous art work
in just a matter of hours.
Look! Look at him! He's at Cotroceni!
The President of Romania gave all of them
the Medal of Honor...
- That's the President!
- He's shaking his hand!
MILITARY HONORS FOR RAMON
- Bravo! Bravo, Ramon!
- Bravo!
He received a gold medal!
The Spanish ambassador
also attended the ceremony
to personally shake the hands
of the people who, quote,
"saved the Spanish patrimony".
Also, another medal has been issued
in absentia
to the heroine known by the name of Sonia.
That's all for now
from Cotroceni Palace. Andreea?
- Nice!
- Nice...
I feel like...
Come here, Half-pound!
Yes?
I'll put Mr. Onion on.
It's from the insurance company.
Do you have the medal?
Show it to aunty Nica.
She'll be proud.
I think this is yours, I found it at home.
Oh, yes.
Sonia didn't come to show you off.
She didn't.
She disappeared
after the incident at the airport.
She didn't even say goodbye.
This is to remind you of us.
I'll plant it in the backyard.
Thanks, Iuli!
You came to help me with the vineyard?
Aren't we friends who
split everything equally?
We are, but the vine is upset
because you left it.
Right, Onion?
He left it because he was in love!
- Did you come here to scold me?
- No...
Then why did you come?
We came to give you your cut.
- My cut?
- Your cut.
- My cut?
- Yes, your cut.
What cut?
Eggs?
This is foreign money.
Right, Onion?
Right. It's euros.
It's your cut from the reward.
What reward?
There was a reward on your name.
We called and we got the money,
so here it is.
There was 100.000 euros.
Twenty-five thousand euros is yours,
because we split it all equally.
- You gave me up for money, traitors?
- Yes.
Right, Onion?
We did, but it was for a good price,
and you also received a cut.
- Right, Ramon?
- Right, friends.
No doubt about it!
I told you the women
in those photos are real.
I love you too much to lie to you.
Listen...
Let me take care of you in my own way
and everything will be alright.
There, there! Don't cry.
You'll look amazing.
- Good afternoon!
- Easy, the road is not paved yet.
Good afternoon!
You stole the bride!
No. The wedding is yet to happen.
- Ramon.
- Mircea Tulipan, director and producer.
We came from Bucharest to film nearby,
but we had some issues with the location.
This beautiful vineyard belongs to you?
Of course. It's mine!
The bride must be upset.
I can see she's smoking.
So, how much?
For what?
To have the wedding here.
How could I possible ask for money
from newlyweds?
I'll help in any way I can.
- Smoking will affect your babies.
- I don't want babies.
- So, you will help us out?
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Come over!
Cover all that! I don't want to see it.
Cover all that!
Stop!
From this side...
I can help!
Cut! Great! Moving on to the next scene.
Alina!
Alina... Everything is great,
but I would love it
if you'll look a little more sad,
as if you're on the verge of crying.
Imagine that you'll never ever
see this place again.
Why wouldn't she see it again?
She can visit anytime with the groom,
it's a big house...
Ramon, please,
I've been up since 4:00 A.M.
I am begging you, the client is not happy.
If I don't get this right, it's bad!
Why? It's a celebration!
I simply look at the bride and groom
and all my troubles go away.
Ramon...
- Listen, the groom is really upset.
- Why?
His best friend, who was also
his best man, didn't show up.
Oh, my!
Would you like to be his best man?
Me?
Yes, it's such an honor
to be the best man...
Right! But listen!
You have to be silent.
Why?
His best friend, the best man,
is deaf and mute.
And if the groom hears
any kind of noise around him,
it will remind him that he's not here.
So...
- Mute.
- Mute.
- Mute.
- Mute.
Miu! Undress him
and give his clothes to Ramon!
And don't move.
- Miu, go bring Ana on set.
- OK!
Alina, I spoke with the client
and he wants to change the last line.
You'll say "Yes, I'll love you forever."
What?
It's no longer "I will always love you"?
Come on, Mircea, what the...
I told you I need the script
one day in advance!
I can't memorize it that fast!
- Alina!
- Come on!
Miu, get Ana on set.
Get Ana on set!
Ana!
Ana, I am so sorry, we're running late.
We'll speed things up.
Here's what we'll do now:
Alina will say her line...
My line.
Your line...
She'll throw the bouquet,
you'll catch it and everyone is happy,
we call cut and we all go home.
OK, let's roll!
Rolling... camera A... camera B...
Scene two, take three.
Rolling! And action!
I'll love you for the rest of my life.
No!
Forever! That's all you have to say.
I can do this.
- I'll love you anytime.
- No!
- Always!
- No!
Scene two, take ten.
- Action!
- All the time.
Action!
Scene two, take 21, rolling!
Scene two, take 29.
Je t'aime!
- The bouquet.
- The bouquet.
Please, read this.
"Yes, I'll love you forever."
To him.
Scene two, take 31!
Action!
Yes!
I'll love you forever.
Cut! It's a wrap!
Let's take a photo for continuity.
Closer please.
Okay.
For you!
YES, I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER.
Guys!
I'm getting married.
Onion, am I drunk or did he just say
that he's getting married?
One doesn't exclude the other.
So what if he said that? He did say it!
- Who are you getting married to?
- To a girl, who else?
Look!
- Her name is Ana.
- Ana?
Yes. She's from Bucharest.
You can't go to Bucharest,
because it's too dangerous out there.
Right, Onion?
I can't argue with you there,
it's a lot of traffic: cars, buses, trams,
airplanes, subways...
It's too polluted and you can't breathe!
There are earthquakes out there,
buildings will fall on you!
- Right, Onion?
- Right, right...
People aren't that kind.
There are a lot of lazy and drunk people
out there.
- Right, Onion?
- Right.
But the ones who drink are not lazy,
because they can afford to drink,
and the ones who drink are not lazy,
because they can afford to drink.
I have no business
with lazy people or drunkards,
I am going to find her father,
who is a good man, and ask for her hand.
Ramon, if your clock is ticking inside,
you can find a girl in the village
or in the vicinity.
Right, Onion?
Well, Half-pound, I don't know how intense
Ramon's feelings are.
Where are you going to stay
when you get to Bucharest?
Do you know how expensive hotel rooms are?
It's as much as your five year yield.
Right, Onion?
If it has stars, yes.
If not, then it could be cheaper.
Don't worry about that.
This is a postcard from my cousin
who spent all his vacations here with me
when he was a kid.
And now, I will stay at his place.
I have his address on the back.
What about the vineyard?
You will leave it?
Unattended?
All alone, Ramon?
Well... I spoke to it,
and I told it I'll be back soon,
the day after tomorrow.
So, you're leaving the vine
for a broad, Ramon?
Women are dishonest, the vine is not.
Right, Onion?
We have two syllogisms here.
Cherchez la femme and In vino veritas.
OK. So what should I do, Onion?
You should go get her.
- Should I?
- No doubt about it.
Look at what's happening in Bucharest!
... famous art, but the star of the show
is the painting called "The wine bottle".
An abstract masterpiece put on display
in Bucharest for the first time.
The exhibition is part of a cultural
exchange between Romania and Spain
and it will be open to the public
for two months.
If that's a wine bottle,
then I'm Nadia Comneci!
Where's the bottle? Where's the wine?
Right, Onion?
You are a fool, Half-pound.
That is a surreal painting!
Do you know what that means?
What?
Surrealism is when something can't be.
But if it can't be,
it doesn't mean that it's not, right?
- Is this wine bottle here?
- It is.
And you can you drink it.
Then this is what I say.
Let's drink for Ramon's wedding,
which can't be,
but that doesn't mean that it's not.
Right.
No, no, no, don't fill it up!
What are you doing?
We split everything equally.
That's how we do things.
This is an exception.
- To Ramon!
- To Ramon!
Ramon!
Hey!
You look so handsome!
That's the way!
You'll definitely find a girl now!
I've already found her.
I'm going to Bucharest!
Are you driving to Bucharest?
Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
Where are we?
- In Bucharest!
- Sorry.
Get off!
Get off!
I'm sorry! I was dreaming.
Thank you!
Peasant!
Forgive me.
Boss, do you have some change,
so I can buy some bread?
- What?
- Give me some money to buy bread!
- Or a coffee...
- Why don't you go to work?
Are you high? Get out of here!
Dear sir, pardon me.
Sir, I am trying to find this address.
Here, 70 Hope Street.
Look, 70 Hope Street.
Dear sir...
Sorry, do you know where Hope Street is?
- Behind the park.
- Behind the park...
Good afternoon.
Is Emilian at home?
I'm his cousin.
Second cousin, but good cousins.
Auntie Nica had a girl
and that girl had Emilian.
We're second cousins, good cousins.
Didn't he tell you about me?
He spent all his holidays with me,
at the countryside.
I taught him that,
if he ever cuts his finger,
he should pee on it
so it doesn't get infected.
Short, stocky, weirdly dressed...
- What's your name again?
- Ramon.
Ramon. Just that!
Not sure. He could be a scammer
or he could be who he says he is.
No, it's me, Ramon.
Wait a second.
Sent!
OK.
Come in.
Emilian is still at work,
but he'll be home soon.
Did you do a church wedding
or was it just at the City Hall?
Neither. It's not for us.
I was thinking that cousin Emilian
wouldn't get married
without inviting me and auntie Nica.
This is for him,
from last year's harvest.
And this is for you.
Look, Ramon, I don't want to...
Pork bacon from the pig I raised
and cut myself...
...from the pig I raised and cut myself...
We used to get along so well, you know?
His name was Aurel.
Hey!
Hey, girl!
Wake up!
You sat upside down,
all your blood rushed to your head.
I would slap you, but you're so skinny...
Hey! Wake up! Wake up, girl!
Hey, girl!
That's it! Wake up!
- Ramon?
- Yes?
What are you doing?
Nothing.
I didn't do anything!
Ladybug!
Ladybug, are you alright?
She sat there upside down,
and her blood rushed to her head.
Open your eyes. That's it.
I didn't do anything.
Open your eyes... good.
Yes. It's all good.
- Cousin...
- What did you do to her?
I didn't do anything.
We were just talking.
- I'll kill you!
- That's all!
Cousin, we were just talking.
She said you'll invite me
to your wedding when the time comes.
What wedding?
I brought wine and pork bacon...
Look, real pork bacon!
From the pig I sacrificed two weeks ago!
The smell is incredible! See?
What did you do?
What did I do?
Ladybug is vegan.
She's... what?
Vegan. She doesn't eat living things
or anything that comes from animals.
Wow, is she really that ill?
Open your eyes. Open them.
Open those beautiful eyes.
Krishnamurti?
Krishnamurti!
You smell like a corpse!
Krishnamurti!
You ate meat,
that's why you're hysterical.
Ramon!
What did I do?
The meat was fresh!
Take this, Ladybug,
it will make you feel better.
Yes... Let me kiss it and make it better.
- Are you feeling better, Ladybug?
- I am.
I take it you met cousin Ramon,
and not in the best circumstances.
I'm sorry.
Yes, we met. And Ladybug and I talked.
Her name is Gabriela.
That's Ladybug's name?
Oh Lord, that's so good to hear.
I thought her parents went cuckoo
and named her after a bug.
Gabriela sounds great.
She's great.
Cousin, I came here to get married.
With a girl named Ana.
You're getting married?
It's about time, right?
That's why I came, to ask for her hand.
Then I'll go home and plan the wedding.
I have a big barrel of wine,
I'll sacrifice five pigs...
I told you that Gabriela is vegan,
she can't stand to hear this.
But you used to like pork...
you used to eat the pig's ear...
you used to cut it off yourself...
I'm sorry!
Forgive me!
If she doesn't want cabbage rolls
at the wedding,
we can give her some plain cabbage
and bread.
I haven't showed you Ana.
No, no, no.
I don't have the slightest idea
of how that girl
ended up in the photo with you.
- We were...
- No, no, no.
I don't want to ask,
because I have the feeling
that your explanation will exceed
my ability to comprehend.
Don't worry,
I'll pay for your ticket back,
and, if you don't mind,
it would be great if we'd carry on
without ever meeting again.
Cousin,
I have no idea what you're saying.
What I am saying
is that no one in your family tree
will ever get a woman like that.
And what I'm saying is that
now we'll go to the train station,
because you've done quite enough.
- I didn't do anything.
- No, no...
- I wasn't...
- No, no...
Maybe it seems unnatural to you,
given the fact that I have spent
all my holidays there, as a child,
but...
back then, you seemed to be a normal kid...
who looked like he would grow up
to become a normal guy...
but, obviously, something happened
somewhere along the way...
and now we're here.
Watch out for cars!
Give Ladybug a kiss from me. I'm sorry!
Look how in love she is! Poor thing!
- I came here to get married.
- You're getting married?
No one in your family tree will ever get
a woman like that.
Short, stocky, weirdly dressed.
What about the vineyard? You'll leave it?
You'll leave the vines for a broad, Ramon?
What should I do?
Should I get married or not?
No doubt about it, Ramon!
Sorry. Excuse me.
Good afternoon.
Sir, I know that Bucharest is a big place
and not everyone knows everyone here.
But, do you know this girl?
Her name is Ana and I want to marry her.
Wait a minute.
Isn't this... wait, don't tell me.
Is her name Ana?
Yes.
I came here to ask her father
for her hand.
Well, I know her father, we're friends...
he lives right next to me.
Are you a serious man?
Do you have any savings?
I mean, the girl is beautiful and all.
Of course I do.
I have the largest vineyard back home.
I have pigs, a cow... as big as that car.
Well, then what can I say?
Ana's a lucky girl.
I'll get you there. Get in!
Bucharest is really nice!
Buildings don't fall down here, right?
- Right?
- What? No, they don't!
The air is lovely, too.
We met in my vineyard
at Struguracu de Sus, where I am from.
And now I want to ask for her hand,
because her father wasn't there with us.
That's what my friends advised me:
"Go ask her father for her hand".
We are four really great friends.
Half-pound, Long and Onion,
and we share everything. Everything!
We've always done so.
Well...
Are we there yet?
Give me everything you have.
What are you saying, sir?
Get out!
Where? Here?
Give me all your money!
Don't tell me you're a thief, sir.
Give me everything you have
and stop looking at me like that.
Sir, that is just... it's a pity, sir.
Chief Commissioner Angela Niculescu.
This is a public space
and you are guilty of indecent exposure.
Please follow us down to the station.
Let's go! We're picking you up!
Hey! Get up!
Turn left! There's the door!
So, Mr...
Ramona?
Ramon. The "A" is silent.
Write with a silent "A".
- Place of residence, Struguracu...
- De sus.
Struguracu. Right.
We have one ID,
one post card...
One...
"Yes, I'll love you forever."
And I have this money.
They didn't check my socks.
Put it there.
And one... pho...
Oh, my!
Costel...
You want us to believe
that this is the girl you want to marry?
Yes, and I came to ask for her hand.
They look so good together!
My birthday was three days ago.
Happy birthday!
Thank you!
I took the guys out for a beer,
because that's the right thing to do.
And because the guys like me
and that is the right thing to do,
they surprised me with a gift.
Do you want to see it?
I do.
Don't I?
Look.
Unlike you, I didn't go to Hollywood
to find Brad Pitt's mother
and say "hi, mother-in-law".
Well, why not? He's nice.
You'd make a good match.
Give him some clothes.
Let's get you dressed up.
What does it imply... if I sign?
That you are responsible for his actions.
You are aware
that he's not a functioning adult.
And if I don't sign?
If he turns out to be in his right mind,
he'll get three months
to two years in prison.
If it turns out
that he's not in his right mind,
he'll get committed for treatment.
It's all up to you.
Do you sign?
Hi, cousin!
You'll sleeping at my place tonight.
Tomorrow, I'll get you to the station
and, this time,
you'll really get on that train.
I am not leaving the station
until I see that train leaving.
Cousin, I'm not getting on any train.
I want to find this girl.
- I want to ask for her hand.
- She's not real. It's all a dream.
How could it be a dream?
Then what's this?
I'll give you the same answer as
the French peasant when he saw a giraffe.
"This is not real."
What giraffe?
I'll take you to the station tomorrow.
But, please, tonight,
stay away from any conversations
suggesting sacrificed animals,
because I don't want to see Ladybug
passed out on the floor again.
Because he's my cousin, that's why...
What did you expect? Let him sleep
on the floor, at the police station?
It's none of my concern where he sleeps.
I almost died because of him.
What was I supposed to do, Ladybug?
To let them commit him into a nuthouse?
Or go to prison?
- He's my cousin!
- Second cousin!
I've spent my holidays with him
when I was in primary school...
and he never stepped foot
outside that village...
don't you think I owe him just a bit?
He's a murderer! He kills animals!
And he eats them, too!
Ramon?
This is great.
CAT FOOD WITH TURKEY LIVER
What are you doing here?
Hello!
Get off my bench! Get out of here!
- Are you talking to me?
- Who else? Get out of here!
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I thought that, if it's out here,
it's free. I'm sorry.
Well, you thought wrong.
After midnight, it's no longer free.
After midnight, it's private property.
I'm sorry, I didn't...
Sit down.
May I?
Sit down already!
Thank you.
Here. Are you thirsty?
What's this?
What the hell does it look like?
It's wine!
It's not the best quality.
What was that?
Well, aren't you a little princess...
as if you've been raised
with premium wine only!
Well, yes, from my own vineyard.
Give it back to me!
- What's wrong with it?
- Well... it's...
It's really good, isn't it?
Why are you standing, peasant?
Ana appeared.
Who's Ana?
So what if she appeared?
I'm marrying her.
Why is everyone laughing?
This is no laughing matter.
That's why I came to Bucharest,
to ask for her hand.
She's beautiful, right?
You know, that is not a real girl.
- What do you mean? Look at her.
- She's not, peasant.
It's an animation, a moving image,
that's all.
She's not like other women, get it?
One that eats a chicken drumstick
and gets meat stuck in between her teeth...
I mean, no one saw this girl,
no one met her in real life.
Look!
You have a photo with the hot girl?
You're not as stupid as I thought.
You're taking the train, aren't you?
Why is everybody trying
to get me on a train?
I'm not getting on any train!
I'll ask for her hand!
And then I'll get on whatever you want.
But with her!
- Peasant, where did you take this photo?
- At a wedding in my vineyard.
She was a friend of the bride
and I was a friend of the groom.
I was deaf and mute,
that's why I couldn't propose then.
You were deaf and mute and now you're not?
It was just for the wedding,
the father-in-law asked me to pretend.
Not even Ana knows that I was pretending.
If she fell for me when I was
deaf and mute,
when she'll see that I'm not...
she will be amazed.
I'll go look for her tomorrow morning.
What do you mean you'll look for her?
You don't have her father's address?
I told you that I was pretending to be
deaf and mute and I couldn't ask.
Peasant, here's what we're going to do.
I'll help you find the hot girl,
and you tell me what's in it for me.
What do I get if I find her?
Why would you want to help me?
Peasant, I offered...
I'll give you a pig.
And a barrel of really good wine.
Do you have pickles?
You like pickles?
I love them.
You have eyes like pickles.
Peasant, let's shake on it
before I change my mind.
- What's your name?
- None of your business!
- What's yours?
- Ramon.
- Ramon?
- Ramon.
...and my mom wished for a girl,
so she could name her Ramona.
But she was really skinny,
because that's how she was.
And she died during labor,
because I was really big.
I was close to ten pounds.
And my dad was so upset, and he got drunk
and then he went to the City Hall
to declare me,
and when they asked for my name,
he said, "Ramona".
And they said, "But, it's a boy!"
And he said that was my mom's wish,
to name me Ramona.
So that's it.
So your name is Ramona.
Ramon...
The "A" is silent and it's barely visible
on the birth certificate.
- This way?
- Come on!
Mr. Gilic!
Mr. Gilic!
Hey, Mr. Gilic!
- Who's there?
- Me!
It's me!
My little princess, is that you?
You scared me.
- Hello, Mr. Gilic.
- Hello.
- What are you doing here so late?
- I came with this guy.
Don't look at him like that.
He grew up in the countryside.
He looks a lot like our Barto.
It's as if they're cousins.
Hello, Mr. Gilic. My name is Ramon.
Well? What can I do for you?
Mr. Gilic, you know a lot of actors
and actresses.
Ramon wants to ask about a girl,
to see if you know her.
He fell in love and he can't find her.
Show him the photo.
She doesn't work at this theater.
I can tell you that for sure.
But I saw her.
Yes, I remember. I know her.
See?
She came here to rehearse
for a couple of weeks.
- Cute... polite...
- Mr. Gilic... where can we find her?
How would I know? I don't know.
I remember she used to come
with coffee every time.
She used to buy it
from the coffee shop outside.
Why don't you go ask at the coffee shop?
They must know her.
Tomorrow... go and ask about her.
You are so kind, Mr. Gilic.
I'll make it up to you.
- Good day.
- I'll buy you a beer.
- Thank you so much, Mr. Gilic.
- Good day and I hope you find her.
- Now you know where to find her.
- Yes.
Thank you.
Pickles.
Good night.
- I was thinking that...
- You know what...
- You go!
- You go!
- No, you.
- You go!
I insist.
Do you want to see Bucharest at night?
Yes.
Do you know how old these rocks are?
Say a number.
Fifty. No. One hundred.
A thousand plus years.
Traian and Decebal built it.
I hope you heard about them.
- Of course I did. They are our ancestors...
- Yes...
They didn't get along, they argued...
It's not quite like that.
They got along at first. Just like us.
They were in cahoots.
"Traian, I'm coming over",
"I'll wait for you Decebal",
they were grabbing a beer, a shawarma...
then they did something stupid...
- What?
- They wanted to open up a hotel.
And apparently the contractors stole
from them.
Then they had a huge fight.
- Listen, why do you live on the streets?
- Me? I don't. I have a home.
Here it is.
Here?
This is a photo boot.
It's not windy.
Have you ever taken photos?
Yes.
Are you hungry?
Yes. Starving!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- You said you were hungry.
- I am.
Here you go.
Thank you, princess.
- You're welcome.
- Let's go!
- Do you know her?
- We grew up at the same orphanage.
She saves food for me sometimes.
And we're not paying for it?
Do you have any money?
Yes, I do.
Look.
What are these?
I have no idea, but they look bad.
We have mici.
Tasty, right?
When you're hungry,
anything will taste good.
I told you.
Life's great.
You can say that again.
Life is really great!
Sonia.
Sorry?
My name is Sonia.
Wow, that's huge! It's bigger than on TV.
It is. Do you know what's underneath it?
Shawarma, restaurants, a stadium,
casino... everything you could wish for.
- Underneath this?
- Yes.
Can we go inside and take a look?
Not really.
But I know a way.
These guys have a flat tire.
- Let's see if they need help.
- It's none of our business.
You helped me, remember?
You should always pay it forward.
Do you have a tire?
- Yes.
- Do you know how to fix it?
I am good with that.
Don't worry, we're fine.
The coffee shop will open soon.
Let's go and ask about that girl.
We'll get there in time,
let's help them with the tire first.
Do you have the spare tire?
Great, we can do this!
It will take less than ten minutes.
- Let's go. We have things to do.
- Leave him alone. Let him finish it.
I'll be done in a minute.
I had one more bolt to tighten.
They didn't even thank me.
Let's go!
They forgot the wrench.
Let's get in, fast!
- We're getting in?
- Of course!
- Nice, right?
- Yes.
- Let's get to the coffee shop.
- Let's go!
This way!
CLOSED FOR HOLIDAY
WE'LL BE BACK ON THE 12TH
That's ten days from now.
I can't wait that long,
I have to go back to my vineyard.
THE UMBRELLA PLACE
Hello? We're from the gas company.
Well, you're on vacation
and the gas is leaking!
You wanna blow up the whole street?
What are you doing?
Come and unlock
or we'll break down the door.
Don't scare them...
If you're not coming, we're breaking down
the door, OK? This is not a joke. Got it?
She'll be here at 6:30 PM.
Morning.
Morning.
What will we do until then?
We'll stay at my cousin Emilian.
Where's Ramon?
I though he left first thing
in the morning, like you promised.
- He'll let us in?
- He's my cousin. Of course he will.
He's not in his room.
You don't expect me to be sad now
because the imbecile is gone.
I taught him how to cut chicken.
- Why?
- For soup, for stew...
He was supposed to leave with me.
Early in the morning... but, with me.
What do you want me to do about it?
- Is that Ramon?
- Why is Ramon...
Turn it up.
I can't find the remote.
- Are you sure it's this way?
- Straight ahead.
Look! Ramon is on TV!
"The wine bottle" painting that was
estimated at 50 million euros
has been stolen from CANM,
from inside the Palace of the Parliament.
The insurance company offers
a 100.000 euros reward
for any information that can lead
to the identification of the suspects.
The heist happened last night...
The police is checking
the surveillance cameras
within the Palace of the Parliament.
"The wine bottle" painting
that has been stolen
is part of the Romanian-Spanish
patrimony exhibition,
and it's worth...
Call the police.
Ladybug, they'll arrest me.
I signed for him. They'll...
These are the images...
The police believe we are dealing
with professional robbers.
It's him! Look!
Oh, I don't feel too good.
We'll go to the police station.
We need another car.
- We need another car.
- We need another car.
We are on the good side.
Let's go.
I think they left their door open.
Cousin!
Cousin!
Ladybug!
Cousin! Look!
There's no one here.
I hope Krishnamurti didn't eat the cat.
Emilian!
Here! This is the wine
I was telling you about.
- Is there a bathroom in here?
- Yes, up the stairs.
CAT FOOD WITH TURKEY LIVER
Sit down.
Taste it.
Nice.
Eat.
Okay.
- Bring me a large whiskey. Thanks.
- Sure.
Come on!
For how long have you and your cousin
planned this robbery?
Madam,
I haven't seen this man
since I was in the fourth grade.
I work in IT, and he doesn't even have
a cell phone,
he just showed up at my door.
This man, Ramon,
who doesn't even have a cell phone,
stole a multimillion euro painting
that was guarded by an army of policemen.
He played you. He played all of us.
And look where that got us.
- No! Don't touch me!
- Sonia! It's OK! It's me. Ramon.
OK.
Breaking news!
One of the people on the surveillance
camera at the CANM has been identified.
According to the police,
the suspect's name is Ramona.
Although it's a woman's name,
we can clearly see that this is a man.
Is that us?
An inexplicable fact that...
Yes.
...we are dealing with professional thieves.
We're on TV.
The same source says that he is
from Struguracu de Sus
and that he is a renowned viticulturist
in the area.
We'll carry on with our investigation,
and you will go home now.
And if your cousin
gets in contact with you...
We'll call you right away, of course.
Right, Ladybug?
Sure! We'll call...
Right away!
From the footage,
we can see that the suspect's car
had a flat tire
right in front of the entry
to the Palace of the Parliament,
which leads straight to CANM.
That's why they left so fast
after we fixed their tire.
...was the person next to him...
Ramon, what did you do?
They'll put us in prison
with the guys who stole the painting!
Why would they jail us
if we haven't done anything wrong?
The Spanish government offered help...
I can't understand, how he could do that?
Steal that painting?
And I don't understand why he's blond.
Stop it with the blond hair already.
You drive me nuts.
When he was a kid, he had dark hair,
now even his eyebrows are blond.
- No, no, no, no!
- No! Cousin!
Ramon, how could you steal that painting?
Why would I steal that?
Did you see how ugly it is?
- I wouldn't have taken it for free.
- The phone!
Then how are you in the footage?
- Because of Half-pound.
- What?
Yes. He taught me how to fix a flat tire,
and I just helped those people...
Stop it, Ramon! You don't know
how to explain what actually happened.
We were taking a walk last night
near the Palace of the Parliament
and we saw these people
who had a flat tire.
And your cousin helped them fix it.
That's all.
- Who are you?
- It's none of your business.
It's not important. What's important is
that we have nothing to do with it.
Ramon and I.
Wait a second. So you saw the robbers?
Of course we saw them
if we helped fix their tire.
They'll arrest all of us.
Ouch!
Cousin, I signed for you,
and you helped the robbers.
Why would they arrest us?
I thought they were good people.
That is why I helped them.
They haven't even said thank you.
And they left this wrench behind.
Ouch! I hurt my hand.
What?
ON THE HUBS
"On the Hubs".
We have to check this out.
No, we don't. We have to call the police,
like we said we would.
Hey, princess... call where?
I have your phone.
Local police confirms
the prosecutors issued an international
arrest warrant for the two suspects.
It seems like the list of suspects
is extending,
as there's information
that the two robbers
received help from, quote,
"some relatives in Bucharest".
We'll be right back.
Now, let's make a short recap of...
Ladybug... No one will believe this
if we have no proof.
Let's check this out
and then we go to the police.
We have nothing to hide, right?
No, I'm not going back to the police.
I've been there before.
- No! I'm not going either.
- I'm not going.
I'm not going.
I found it in the Registry of Commerce...
Wait... Look... "On the Hubs".
There's an address.
It's not far.
Do you have a car?
Oh, no, Ladybug is really concerned
about the global warming.
- Do you know how much a car pollutes?
- We have a tandem.
- What's that?
- A bike for two.
- We'll get that.
- Let's go!
- No, no, no!
- Let's go!
I'm coming with you.
I signed that I am responsible for you, cousin.
Then she comes, too.
As soon as we're out that door,
she'll call the police.
- I'm not going!
- You sure are.
I saw a green bike downstairs.
No. It belongs to the building manager.
- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
The manager will kill me.
Look, Ramon!
- Let's go!
- Hey!
Wait! Ramon, what are you doing?
Where are you going?
I'm going to the coffee shop
to ask about Ana.
Ramon, this is where...
Let's go after him. Oh, boy!
Ramon, that's not the way!
- Where are we going?
- Straight ahead.
Boss, you're killing me, I swear!
It's like a meat grinder!
It's called "gut", Costel.
And it is essential in our line of work.
How do you think I've solved
so many cases?
How?
- By having a gut, Costel.
- Yes.
- Watch out!
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
- Madam, do you work here?
I am the owner.
There were some people
from the gas company. They just left.
- They even went into that sewer.
- But everything's OK now.
- Yes, boss.
- We'll talk when I get back.
Yes, they said they'll be back
in an hour or so to check again.
- Madam... Show her the photo.
- I can't believe what I found.
Do you know this girl?
Yes. It's Ana. Ana Roca.
- You know her?
- Yes, she's my friend.
She's an actress and model.
She comes here often.
But you won't find her now.
I spoke with her yesterday and she said
she's leaving for Rome, to film there.
Ramon, let's go!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
These are the robbers from the CANM, man.
The whole country is looking for them
and I am the one who found them.
Wait! They're leaving. Hold on!
Straight ahead!
I can't believe this!
Go, Ramon!
So this stolen painting
has been on display
in the greatest museums of the world:
at Louvre, the MET,
the Museum of Modern Art, everywhere.
It is an honor it was stolen in Romania.
We can pride ourselves with it.
Most likely, the painting is in that bag.
It's in the bicycle bag.
It's in that bag.
I have to go.
Good afternoon! We interrupt the program
with incredible news
about the robbers from the CANM.
Famous blogger Selly
managed to find the robbers
somewhere in Bucharest.
They appear to have abandoned their car
and are now using delivery bikes
to avoid police filters.
Look, a door!
Nicoleta?
Sorinel?
The stolen painting!
My gut guided me
to arrest him before he even stole it.
That's instinct, Costel.
You're back from school, Nicoleta?
Is Mihi also coming,
so I can fix something up for all of you?
Hey...
Are you alone?
I'm not alone now if youre here.
Mom, please answer. The plane will be here
any minute and I have to go.
Mom! Nicoleta will stop by
to check on you.
I'll be gone for a few months.
I can't hear anything, it's too noisy.
I'll see you in a few months
and then you'll move
into a big and beautiful house, mom.
You'll see! We're rich, mom!
It's gone! They're leaving the country
with the painting.
They can only take it out of the country
with a small, private plane.
I'm breaking into ROMATSA's database
to see what's scheduled for tonight.
- Ramon, what are you doing?
- I'll be back.
- What is he doing?
- I don't know.
It is incredibly ingenious
that the 50 million euro painting
is hidden in the delivery bag.
Mom, I cooked something for you.
OK, Sorinel.
- Ramon, what are you doing?
- Nothing.
I've got it! It lands at 8:50 PM,
gets refueled and takes off at 9:25 PM.
It's 8:00 PM!
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
As you can see in the live broadcast
by the famous blogger Selly,
there are now four suspects,
and he's following them up-close.
We remind you that a famous painting
has been stolen last night from CANM.
The main suspect is Ramon,
a Romanian citizen
who seems to have been helped by three
other people, who are still unidentified.
All we know at the moment
is that his name is Ramona,
but the "A" at the end is silent
and it's pronounced Ramon.
He has no criminal record
and his neighbors say
he's a great viticulturist.
- Boss?
- Let's recap...
Sorry! I'm sorry to bother you.
Have you seen the news?
I haven't. Because I am not being paid
to watch the news.
- ... from CANM.
- What's on TV?
The guy that was here,
the one who stole the painting.
He's wandering through town
with a delivery bike,
a girl and two other people.
A blogger filmed them. Look...
...international. Right now, Ramon
and the other three accomplices
are trying to leave Bucharest
by pretending to work
for a delivery company.
According to Selly, the painting
is hidden in the delivery bag.
Everyone, let's go! Move!
Two-zero, copy!
This is commissioner Angela Niculescu.
To all available units.
Look for a suspicious delivery bike
with a red bag on it.
I repeat, alert all units.
Police has blocked all the exits
and filters have been installed
throughout Bucharest,
which is now in lockdown.
- Costel, turn left.
- Yes, boss!
Can you go faster, Costel?
Stop! Good!
Everything's OK. Go! You can go.
Unit seven, you just let them pass.
They didn't have the bag.
There were two bicycles and a tandem,
you morons!
Go after them!
- Follow them, but don't arrest them!
- Let's go! Faster! Move!
Turn right!
Turn right! There!
The cops are following us!
- Where?
- Behind us!
- Unit seven, where are you?
- We're going to the airport!
To all units,
we're headed for Bneasa Airport.
Okay.
We have an emergency at check-in desks!
This way!
Come on!
- What the hell are you doing, Costel?
- I'm on it, boss, I'm on it...
Hurry up!
There's a plane out there!
Let's go! We're coming, Ramon!
Give me the painting!
Give me the painting!
Don't move!
Now!
Stop!
There's the bike!
That's the painting.
Now that we have the painting,
can we find Ana, too?
- What did you say her name was?
- Ana Roca... she's leaving for Rome.
- You're the one who filmed everything?
- Yes.
Good work!
Four hundred lei for not wearing a helmet,
one and a half thousand
for driving on the wrong side,
one thousand for endangering traffic.
- But thanks to me...
- Fill a report.
Yes, Ma'am.
- Wait a minute...
- Come with me.
For Rome, when does it leave
and from what gate?
Thanks.
You're in luck. Come on! Let's go!
Ana!
Back there, I was deaf and mute,
but... I can talk.
It's you!
I came to tell you something.
Eduard!
- Is this your father?
- This is Eduard, my husband.
Goodbye!
Good morning, Bucharest.
Good morning, Romania. What a festive day!
The President of Romania is giving
honorary medals to the heroes
who recovered the painting
stolen from the CANM.
What a turnaround!
From main suspect, Ramon became
the savior of this famous art work
in just a matter of hours.
Look! Look at him! He's at Cotroceni!
The President of Romania gave all of them
the Medal of Honor...
- That's the President!
- He's shaking his hand!
MILITARY HONORS FOR RAMON
- Bravo! Bravo, Ramon!
- Bravo!
He received a gold medal!
The Spanish ambassador
also attended the ceremony
to personally shake the hands
of the people who, quote,
"saved the Spanish patrimony".
Also, another medal has been issued
in absentia
to the heroine known by the name of Sonia.
That's all for now
from Cotroceni Palace. Andreea?
- Nice!
- Nice...
I feel like...
Come here, Half-pound!
Yes?
I'll put Mr. Onion on.
It's from the insurance company.
Do you have the medal?
Show it to aunty Nica.
She'll be proud.
I think this is yours, I found it at home.
Oh, yes.
Sonia didn't come to show you off.
She didn't.
She disappeared
after the incident at the airport.
She didn't even say goodbye.
This is to remind you of us.
I'll plant it in the backyard.
Thanks, Iuli!
You came to help me with the vineyard?
Aren't we friends who
split everything equally?
We are, but the vine is upset
because you left it.
Right, Onion?
He left it because he was in love!
- Did you come here to scold me?
- No...
Then why did you come?
We came to give you your cut.
- My cut?
- Your cut.
- My cut?
- Yes, your cut.
What cut?
Eggs?
This is foreign money.
Right, Onion?
Right. It's euros.
It's your cut from the reward.
What reward?
There was a reward on your name.
We called and we got the money,
so here it is.
There was 100.000 euros.
Twenty-five thousand euros is yours,
because we split it all equally.
- You gave me up for money, traitors?
- Yes.
Right, Onion?
We did, but it was for a good price,
and you also received a cut.
- Right, Ramon?
- Right, friends.
No doubt about it!
I told you the women
in those photos are real.