#REALITYHIGH (2017) Movie Script

Yes, everything is ready.
- Oh, my God!
- What happened, Alexa?
Cameron Drake wants to meet you
in the boys' cabin at midnight...
to make out!
With me?
- Wanna make out?
- Um, okay.
Pig kisser!
Pig breath.
Get closer!
Hey, guys. I'm Alexa Medina,
and this is Hashtag Reality High.
High school was mad stressful,
so Katsuya and I decided to...
- Tell your sister to turn that off.
- Mom says turn that crap off.
- I can't believe you watch that show.
- The show is not crap.
- You're saying that because it's Alexa.
- The show is crap because it's Alexa.
Would you just get over it?
are you ready
for your scholarship interview?
The one that determines
if I get into my dream school?
I take that as a yes.
Yes. But I'm super nervous.
Fiona is a UC Davis grad
and is writing you a recommendation.
- That should help, right?
- I hope so.
Ooh, you should wear
my chocolate-brown pantsuit
to your interview.
Holy Hillary Clinton,
she's not wearing that.
- Do not hate on that outfit.
- Whatever, I gotta go get Freddie.
Always a treat. See you guys later.
- Bye, Grams!
- Good luck, honey!
Be nice to the neighbors, okay?
- Thank you.
- Oh, you are welcome.
What are you doing?
- It's my turn to choose!
- I can't take more Taylor Swift, D.
Mm, ah.
- Admit it! I have better taste than you.
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.
- You wanna prove it?
- No, you don't!
Nice job, Cam!
- Whoo!
- All right, Cam, great work!
Let's go!
The bleachers are the best place
to work out.
Thanksgiving came early this year.
Oh, my God.
It's just me and my car.
I have way more money
than the average person. What's up?
Yo, I...
You're getting in the way of my shot.
Please, will you tag me?
Get over it.
Broussard, get out of my car, man!
Come on! Okay.
Are you thinking about
going to the Bonfire?
Oh, no,
I don't like going to those things.
- They're dumb.
- You and I could go. So let's do it.
Are you ready for your interview?
I better be. They only give out
five scholarships.
- Those are shitty odds.
- Yes, I'm well aware of that, thank you.
- I heard he kicks puppies.
- Shut up.
- "Shut up, Freddie."
- Let's go, kids. Make it a great day!
Okay, well, I'll see you later.
A-ha, genius.
- It plays?
- Mm-hmm.
You sure?
Fuck my life.
Nice poster.
- Let me turn this up, there!
- Yo!
- Hey.
- Yo!
Attention! Attention!
Reminding everyone about
the upcoming pep rally!
Go Cougars!
Come cheer on our
returning state swim champs,
led by captain and Olympic hopeful,
- Cameron "The Dolphin" Drake!
- Dolphin, baby!
Look at those muscles! Ow!
Also, you guys.
One more time...
- Yes, Alexa?
- Can you move?
You're in my shot.
Sorry, yeah, sure.
We'll edit her out in post.
Excuse me, Miss Medina,
but no dogs allowed on school property.
Katsuya is my service dog.
I have severe anxiety.
The Americans with Disabilities Act states
I'm allowed
to have an emotional support dog.
Do you have a problem with dogs
Or disabled people or both?
My nine million followers would love
to know.
Of course not, that's ridiculous.
I love dogs and disabled people.
- That explains your wife!
- Strike two, Broussard!
I'll talk to you later.
See you in detention.
- What up, bitches?
- Hey.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Aww.
Hey, babe.
- I can't believe pig face wouldn't move.
- Give her a break.
Whatever. I have a shoot today,
and Katsuya is stressing me out.
You said she was an emotional support dog.
Uh, shut up, Shannon.
Hi, puppy.
You know what? I'll take him.
It's just you and me today, Fluffy Combs.
- I hate it when you call him that.
- Yeah, well, Fluff Daddy loves it.
All right, I'll see you guys tonight.
- Cute outfits.
- Bye.
Whatever. Um... Oh!
Later, babes.
- Dude!
- She just kissed the dog and not you.
Great work.
You should cheat off him next time.
There you go.
Excuse me, Ms. Savage.
Does this belong to you?
I found him wandering the halls
sniffing this magic marker.
This is an outrage,
and I deny all charges.
Have a seat, Mr. Broussard.
Come on, Broussard.
Take a seat.
Stop licking the board.
Thank you, Principal Dixon.
You're welcome.
And, Broussard, I'm watching you.
- Thank you.
- There you go.
Ugh! Whatever.
Deejays don't need history.
We've got style.
Uh, yes, but you do need to graduate.
Good work as always, Miss Barnes.
Oh, yes, haha.
Good grades are hilarious.
Dani, I don't think that is
what they're laughing at.
- They're gloves for your feet?
- But they're ergonomic.
- Dani, they're feet gloves.
- They're feet gloves.
Hi, bud. Okay.
- Ah, man, what happened to Hodor?
- He tore his Achilles.
The surgery's gonna cost like five grand.
Oh, buddy.
I don't know how, Buddy,
but we're gonna figure it out. Okay?
- I gotta take him down.
- Oh, here.
I got him. Come here.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Light as a feather. Oh, jeez.
- Get him.
- Okay, I'll find him.
I'll go find him. See ya.
- So weird.
- Dani?
What are you...
What are you doing here?
The lady in the front told me
to come back here.
It's Katsuya.
He ate like half a chocolate bar.
Here, let me look at...
Put him on the table.
And hold him around the neck there.
You're okay.
There you go. That's good.
And just hold him,
and I'm just gonna feel...
Wow, you really know what you're doing.
It's pretty cool you volunteer here.
I just...
I really like animals!
I got my dog from here.
Oh. What kind of dog?
Well, his name is Tyrion.
- Mm-hmm.
- He's a terrier.
He likes to eat my retainer.
I don't wear a retainer.
- Yeah, you do. What?
- What?
It glows in the dark.
Freddie, go clean the kennels.
- Hi there.
- Hey.
I see you've met our best
and prettiest volunteer.
I have. Um, I mean,
she's been really, really helpful.
How's our furry friend?
His vitals are normal.
- I think he's gonna make it.
- Let's have a listen, huh?
Oh, yes, Katsuya, very strong.
And you look great, too.
Good job, Dani.
Keep him away from the chocolate.
- Thanks, Doc.
- He's fine. You can say it right now.
Just go.
Oh! Got a Wink.
Ooh, six-foot-yes!
Uh, hey, um, thanks for everything?
I'd love to buy you a burger
for helping me out.
She doesn't eat meat.
Okay, okay, cool.
- They got other stuff, too.
- You know? No meat. I get it.
- Think about it.
- Bye.
"Oh, come on, girl,
let's just like, go eat food."
Freddie. Freddie!
That is just...
- What's up?
- What? Uh, nothing.
- Did you see a spider? Oh!
- No, I meant the... bag.
This. Of course.
This is for your interview.
- What?
- Just a little thank you
for all of your help
with the adoption event.
Thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
Well, first impressions go a long way.
- Fiona.
- Mm-hmm.
If a guy...
asks you out for a burger,
does that mean that he likes you?
- Did Cameron ask you out?
- I don't know. He...
He has a girlfriend.
He has a girlfriend. I... I...
Doesn't matter.
Are they married?
For all you know, he's polyamorous.
I'm getting off track.
The point is, he wants to buy you food.
That means he likes you.
Most guys call after the kitchen closes
for last call, well drinks.
- What's a well drink?
- It doesn't matter.
Hopefully you'll never have to understand.
- Just take it from a...
- year-old woman,
single, who's waiting for Winks,
that when the hottest guy in high school
asks you out, you say "yes."
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
That cannot be real.
- I got a better question.
- All right.
- Lindsay Lohan...
- Okay.
Or Hilary Duff?
- Lindsay Lohan.
- What?
You're crazy, man.
- Nikes or Adidas?
- Uh, Nikes.
- Got any fries with that shake?
- Not for you.
Don't look now.
I think Holly was checking for me.
Bro, why don't you just ask her out?
- I'm working on something.
- What? Facial hair?
- That's your big plan?
- Yeah.
I'm not trying to sound like Vinny,
but how in the hell is
a Hooptie gonna help you get Holly?
That doesn't sound like me.
I call it a shit-box.
- Yo!
- Yeah.
Clearly I'm gonna fix it up.
I heard Holly went out with Dingleberry
'cause she loved his old school.
So, it's a sign.
- Of what? That she's shallow?
- Says the man dating Alexa Medina.
- Oh!
- Oh! Got you there.
All right, look.
Okay, okay, Alexa's not that bad.
She does stuff like,
when she volunteered at that hospital.
Were the cameras there?
Man, just admit it.
You're with her
'cause she's the hottest girl in school.
You're the hottest guy in school,
next to me. All right?
Like Darwin said, "Hot people are supposed
to have sex with each other."
- That's not what Darwin said.
- That's not even close.
Whatever, man. It's science.
Yeah, my point is just I think me
and Holly were kinda meant to be.
Why don't you
just buy her a six-pack?
- Why are we friends?
- What? Chicks love six-packs.
I think I'm gonna pee in my pants.
This is a bad idea.
You don't have the best track record
with these people, Dani.
Maybe we should just go back to my place.
Gram is making a mean White Russian.
Be fun.
Okay, Alexa isn't here.
I think I can do this.
And also, I really have to pee.
So I'm just gonna use the washroom.
Okay, well, I'll be here.
I'll be waiting.
Okay, dude.
It's now or never. Just say...
Open doors much?
It's not her fault.
She's used to doggy doors.
What are you doing here?
Don't you spend your nights
at the kennels with the other bitches?
Come on, guys, let's go.
Everybody's waiting.
Cameron told me what you did for Katsuya.
Stay away from my boyfriend and my dog...
pig breath.
for like f...
Hey, so I was, uh, thinking that maybe...
Save it. We don't have to stay.
- Wait, why? What happened?
- It doesn't matter. I want to go home!
I'm sorry.
This was a bad idea.
I shouldn't have dragged you here.
No, no, it's fine.
It's fine, let's just,
let's get out of here.
It's good.
Sure you don't wanna come up?
I just want to go to bed.
Uh, first I gotta tell you something.
- What?
- I... uh...
- I just got my first paying gig!
- Freddie!
- Yeah. You gotta come.
- That's amazing!
It's just a bar Mitzvah, but get this,
Calvin Harris' agent's son
used to be best friends with the kid.
The son of the agent
of the deejay you're obsessed with...
- might be at the party?
- Okay, you joke, but this could be huge.
- Of course I'll be there.
- Good.
'Cause I also need a ride.
Oh, my...
Thank you.
I'll see you tomorrow.
"Go fund me."
"My name is Alexa Medina,
and I'm a huge slut."
- Close the door!
- So sorry!
Why are you on Facebook?
And why are you doing your hair?
- Get out.
- Fine.
But you should know your
GoFundMe campaign is not gonna work.
What? Why?
Me and Grandma.
I don't have any money,
and Grandma is dead.
- So what do I do?
- You're so hopeless.
I'll share it for you.
But you need to get some friends
and a new phone.
- Father.
- Daughter.
Oh. You're doing your hair.
First impressions go a long way.
- OM effing G!
- Watch your effing mouth!
You're not gonna believe this.
Alexa broke up with Cameron last night,
and guess who she's dating!
- Breathe.
- Fousey.
I love this guy. Everyone's saying
it's so she can get followers.
And you're...
telling me this why?
Just saying.
Sweetie, you've had a crush on Cameron
since the fourth grade.
- Mm-hmm.
- What? I have not.
Yes, you have.
Remember that song we used to sing?
Cameron, Cameron
- We're singing the Cameron song!
- We are.
Cameron, Cameron
- Okay, that's enough. Thank you, I get it.
- Cameron, Cameron
I don't have time for this.
I have to get ready for my interviews.
Cameron, Cameron, Cameron, Cameron
Rise and shine, champ!
You can't qualify for the Olympics
cuddled up in bed with your blanket.
I don't feel good, Dad.
Hmm. You think Michael Phelps
only trains when he feels good? Mnh-mnh.
The best thing
for a broken heart is distraction.
Now get your ass up out that bed
and into that suit!
I don't have a broken heart.
You know she dumped you for Fousey, right?
That's that YouTube guy.
I never seen you in yoga pants,
but you might not win the champ...
How did you even know about this?
We broke up eight hours ago.
Ah. Lana follows Alexa on The Gram.
Jesus! Everybody at school's
gonna be talking about this.
Mnh-mnh-mnh. So let's give them
something else to talk about.
Look, son. First loves...
they don't mean shit.
Nice, Dad.
I know something
that's gonna cheer you up.
Lana's little sister just got dumped, too.
- You do realize that's my aunt, right?
- Step-auntie. Lana!
What's up, babe?
I was thinking we could hook Cam up
with Piper.
You guys would have,
like, the cutest babies ever.
Piper's hot.
I've dated hot girls, Dad.
Maybe I want a girl
that's more than just... hot.
Is that a good whoa?
My interview is in ten minutes,
and Fiona got me this outfit.
And I don't...
- Freddie!
- What?
I said, do I look okay?
Oh, you, you look... like a model.
I'm gonna go to my locker.
So weird.
Hey, Dani.
Oh. Uh. Hey.
You look really nice.
I have
a really important scholarship interview.
Oh, wow.
We missed you at Biggie's.
Oh, yeah. I, um, I...
we were crazy busy at the clinic.
Ah. You didn't miss anything.
You know.
Except for, uh, what TMZ is reporting
as the most epic high school break up.
That was insensitive.
I shouldn't have said that.
- No. It's fine, you know.
- Sorry.
It's cool. Yeah.
I still owe you a burger.
Veggie burger, that is, yeah.
I'm having a party Saturday.
If you're around, you should come.
Um... yeah.
- Oh?
- Yeah. I think I could probably...
- Oh.
- Ooh. I didn't...
I wanted to make sure that was closed.
- I think I could swing that. Mm-hmm.
- It's at noon.
- I'll see you then?
- Cool! I will see you then.
- See you then, right? Yeah.
- Cool.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Your class this way?
- I'm, uh...
No. I forgot my paper clips,
- so I'm just gonna...
- Paper clips.
- Yeah.
- That's... yeah.
- I broke my stapler.
- Oh, what's up?
- Hey, Lily.
- You're a very brave boy, very brave.
And... Voil, like that.
That guy will never
have to pay puppy support.
- Oh, my God, guess what.
- You aced your interview.
- No. I mean, yes, uh, they loved me.
- Ah!
- Fantastic!
- But that's not it.
Cameron Drake asked me out for real.
That is fan-fricking-tastic!
- Right?
- No!
I don't have anything to wear.
I can't wear my interview outfit
to a party.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- My dad gave me his credit card.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
You have come to the right place.
I'm going to make you look
like the hottest person at that party,
You lost?
Wow, you look really nice.
Uh, the party's this way.
Come on.
I did tell you
this was a pool party, right?
Hey, Dani! Prom's not for three months!
- Holy God.
- Don't listen to him.
I got you.
Come on. Let's go.
No, he's right.
I look like NENE Leakes
on Dancing with the Stars.
No, no, no. I don't agree with that.
Oh, my God,
is that Never-Been-Dicked Dani?
She looks kinda hot.
Let's see what Alexa thinks.
- Are you 21? I'm just kidding.
- Yeah.
Here you go.
Yeah, you like that? Get out of here.
- What's up?
- Hey, there he is!
- What's up? You guys remember Dani?
- What up?
- Hey! Dani.
- Dani.
- Cameron here has been waiting for you.
- Ah, whoa.
I like that dress.
Yeah, you want some?
- Uh, maybe later.
- Come on.
It's early.
All right. More for me.
- Enjoy.
- Save me some.
Yeah, maybe.
You guys have fun, all right?
Him and Dani though?
- Right?
- Golly.
Hey! Hold my legs.
Come on, let's do this!
- All right.
- I'm the Kegenator!
Yo, Jimbo! Come over here,
put this thing in my mouth!
- Kegenator. Let's do this.
- Three, two, one. Here we go.
Yeah, baby!
I love beer!
Drown that bitch.
Oh, hey, Dani.
OMG, perfect.
I hate you.
We're gonna play beer pong.
- Holly, you wanna come?
- Oh! Yeah. Hold this.
Thank you.
- Shannon.
- Yeah?
Holly needs a partner.
- How do I, like...
- I mean, you can throw right here.
- You can go and bounce. Either way.
- You make it in, we give the balls back.
Kiss it.
Mnh-mnh. It's our turn now.
Well, I kinda suck.
- You were supposed to be...
- It wasn't even your turn.
Carry on.
See you later, bro.
The water's nice.
Want to jump in?
Oh. No, thanks.
You sure?
You can borrow one of Lana's suits.
I can't swim.
Let me teach you.
- I'm kinda good at it. I'm a'ight.
- Oh, wow!
Handsome and humble.
You think I'm handsome?
This can't be right.
- Oh!
- Oh, Jesus!
- Freddie!
- What is on your face?
- I'm getting ready for a date.
- With who? A war chief?
It's called contouring and highlighting.
- What do you want?
- Have you seen Dani?
Didn't she tell you? I gave her
the day off to go to Cameron's party.
Oh, yeah, right.
Um, that was today. Great. I'll just...
- I'll just give her a call.
- Okay.
For the record,
Lana doesn't own any one pieces.
Just to warn you.
Now kick.
- Continuously.
- Oh.
I knew that.
You have to relax your body.
You mean like this?
No, I mean like this.
Oh, yeah, that was way better.
- Okay.
- Congratulations.
Okay, okay.
Back to work.
Where are we going?
You trust me?
I guess so.
- What?
- Uh, nothing.
I'm just...
wondering why we've never hung out before.
Why do you think? Your girlfriend.
I just don't get it.
Like, you're so nice and she's just...
- Alexa?
- What?
I know she was mean to you before,
but she was just jealous.
Of me? Why?
Because she knew I had a crush on you.
Oh. What? I...
Ooh, I got ya. I got ya.
I got you.
I got you.
Honey, hi.
Where does your dad keep the weed?
I don't know.
I didn't even know he smoked, so...
- I'm sorry.
- Lana... Wait, wait. I got you.
You okay?
That was the most fun I've had
in the water in a long time.
Well, you're a good teacher.
Well, you're a good student.
A few more lessons and you'll be ready
to swim in the ocean at the Bonfire.
I wasn't really planning
on going to that thing.
That thing?
That thing is a senior rite of passage.
There's dope music. People are drinking
and dancing on the sand.
When it gets late, everyone cuddles up
next to the bonfire to get warm.
It's awesome. You got to go.
Do I?
Yes. Everyone goes.
Okay, um...
- Yeah.
- Okay.
You should go. You should definitely...
I'm gonna go.
- Thank you. It's just my car is...
- Everything work?
- No, it's fine.
- Okay.
- It's sometimes the circuit is...
- Oh!
Cool, cool. Yeah, just, um...
- get home safe and hit me.
- I had a lot of fun.
- I had so much fun.
- Yeah, me, too.
I'm glad you came.
- Uh... Your lights. Lights.
- Oh, sh...
Oh, my God.
- There it is. It's not raining.
- Yeah, I got...
Yo, are you serious?
No, so you bring up the Senior Bonfire,
you tell her she has to go,
you know everyone's bringing a date,
and yet you don't ask her?
- I know.
- What?
I know, I messed up.
I'm not used to this.
She's not Alexa.
Thank God.
She's a normal person.
She's deeper than Alexa.
She probably cares about things
like thinking and feeling.
Yo, you might actually
have to put in some work on this one.
You're right. I'm gonna ask her out.
I got this.
Got you, got you.
Oh, uh.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So did you catch
Neil deGrasse Tyson's TED Talk?
Uh, no.
Wow, it was so enlightening.
I'll have to check it out.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I called ahead to make sure
they have veggie burgers.
Oh, that's very sweet of you. Thank you.
No prob.
So, um, you know, I was thinking.
- You know, uh...
- Hey, Cameron.
Oh, hey.
This is my boyfriend Fowsee.
You're cute, babe.
- Fousey. Nice to meet you.
- You, too.
Oh, my God!
My sister's a huge fan of yours.
Everyone is.
He has like ten million followers.
Uh, 12.7,
but who's counting, right?
Oh, she would kill me if I didn't get
a photo with you. Do you mind?
Let's do it.
Make sure you get my ass in the shot.
- Of course.
- Ready?
- All right.
- Back, back
- Back it up
- You're so funny.
Do it. Sorry.
- Back it up
- Cool.
- Awesome!
- Tag me.
Most boring diary ever.
Oh, my God!
That's Fousey with sis.
I hope that wasn't
too weird earlier?
- This is what I really wanted to show you.
- You do know I've seen the ocean before.
All right, smarty pants.
Have you seen this?
Oh, my God.
Pretty cool, huh?
What is it?
Bioluminescent plankton.
Normally you'd need a microscope
to see it, but we're in an algal bloom.
Dope, huh?
It's beautiful.
I mean, dope.
How do you know so much about this?
I've been into this since I was a kid.
As corny as it sounds,
my dream is to study marine biology.
I even applied to UCLA
because of their program.
It's not corny.
You're lucky.
You found two things you love.
What was that?
I love swimming.
But if I had to choose,
I'd definitely choose this.
Why do you have to choose?
My dad.
He wants me to go to the Olympics
then take over his dealership.
If I told him I wanted to go to school,
he'd lose his shit.
If you know in your heart
what you want to do...
you should just tell him.
I'm sure he'll get it.
You're the first person
I've ever brought here.
I must be special.
You are.
I'd love for you to go
to the Bonfire with me.
I'm... Yes.
I'm a huge fan of fire, so, that'd be...
Quit reading my diary!
And eavesdropping at my door.
I wasn't!
I just happened to be walking by,
with your new phone.
I had an upgrade.
Wait, how do you know my password?
Come on. "Puppies, one, two, three?"
This is it. All right.
- All right.
- Soak him. Look at you. Very professional.
Gonna be a lot of hair.
You wanna know Shannon's first kiss?
Tell them.
It was Miss Spring Fling, 2002...
Oh, my God, did you hear?
- Fousey dumped Alexa?
- Shh! Nobody knows yet.
Thank God.
Thought I was gonna have
to start digging holes to find you.
Nice to see you, Freddie.
Wow, got a new phone, too.
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing. Never mind.
I was just, uh, texting you
to remind you about the Bar...
Bar Mitzvah?
Yes, I remember.
Saturday at seven.
I wouldn't forget your first paying gig.
- Or the fact that you need a ride.
- Good.
- I was thinking after the Bar Mitzvah...
- Dani!
- You and I can go to Biggie's together.
- Hi!
How you doing?
Hey, Freddie!
Hey! What's up, bro?
- Yeah, those some nice shoes.
- Oh, uh, thank you.
Yeah. Oh, I got something for you.
- What is it?
- It's for Hodor.
- I thought it may cheer him up.
- My gosh.
How's his fundraiser going?
Well, with your donation of $100,
we now have $100.
- It's all good. You'll get there.
- Yeah, it's all good, yo.
See, he got it.
What? What?
That's the sound
of math class right there.
May I escort you to class?
You may, sir.
Bye, Freddie.
- Bye!
- Bye, Freddie. Good luck at the pep rally.
- You got it.
- Yeah. "Good luck at the pep rally."
- Huh?
- Uh, nothing, I just said thanks!
All right.
Everybody, let's give a warm welcome
to the Vista Valley
High School cheerleaders!
Come out, ladies. Looking good!
Come on! Make some noise!
Yeah! Come on, Cougars.
Yeah! Valley Vista!
Valley Vista! Yes! Go Cougars!
All right, ladies!
Kill the music!
Turn the lights on!
Thank you, ladies.
All right. Thank you, ladies.
That's enough.
Thank you, ladies and Randy.
Suck my Dixon!
Strike three, Broussard. My office! Now!
I did it for you!
- Go on!
- I did it for you!
Go on! Keep it moving.
Get out of here.
- I'm watching you.
- Yes, sir.
Figure it out.
All right! Let's give it up,
yo, one more time
for the Crazy Horse cheerleaders!
Oh, and here's our cheer captain
Thank you.
What is up, Cougar fans?
Don't forget to sign up
for the Senior Bonfire committee.
- There will be a barbecue, a bake off...
- And hopefully the rest of Kimmy's dance!
All right?
And now the moment
you've all been waiting for.
It's time to bring out some dudes who love
getting wet in their underwear.
You know them
as your returning state champs.
I know them as dudes who get praised
for doing something I learned at age five.
Let's bring out the freshman fish!
Here they are! Come on down! Whoo!
Hopefully a little faster in the water
than they are on the court. Huh? Yeah.
All right, who's ready?
Time to make these little heads
bald, shiny...
I see you saved me a seat.
Oh, actually,
this seat is taken.
I get it. You're pissed.
But the good news is I'm done
with Fousey and...
I'm going to take you back.
Actually, I'm not pissed.
And it's exactly what I said,
someone else is sitting here.
- Hi.
- Oh.
- Hi.
- Whoo!
Everybody, look!
Alexa's standing in the way of love!
Broussard, get back to my office
and stay there!
Miguel, Holly.
- We want to watch the pep rally.
- Yeah.
And now for the sophomore ritual.
Shave! Shave! Shave!
Shave! Shave! Shave!
Shave! Shave!
If your friend posts a picture
and she's really your friend,
you have to respond
with something like,
"OMG, perfect! Who needs Harvard
with hair like that?"
Taylor, I just wanted you
to help me get donations.
Oh. I don't know how to do that.
I'll get it!
Hi! Is Dani here?
Oh! Are you okay?
Is she okay?
She did the same thing when she met Olaf
at Disneyland. She's fine.
I came to talk to you.
Sure, come on in.
- I was a real bitch to you.
- Which time?
I deserve that.
I just came to say sorry.
Last week at the pep rally,
people were doing the same thing to me
that I had been doing to you and...
I felt like shit.
I want us to be friends again.
- I don't know.
- Look...
Remember this... from camp?
You were my best friend.
We used to be really close, and I know
it's my fault that we're not anymore.
I'm not saying we'll get back to that,
but I'd like to at least try.
I can't believe you kept this.
Should we, like, hug or something?
Oh, no, that's fine.
We don't have to...
Oh, my God. It's gonna be great.
This is so exciting! Oh, my God!
We're gonna be BFFs again.
Well, I need to leave now, but...
- Oh, okay.
- I'll see ya soon.
Adios, bebita! Bye!
Adios... Amiga.
Taylor, you can get up now.
OMG, are you and Alexa like BFFs now?
This is gonna change my life.
- My God.
- Let's get a pump in.
What do you say?
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah!
- What are you doing?
- You look like an idiot.
- Why?
'Cause I got this sexy girl on my back
with her legs wrapped around my waist
while I murder these squats?
Ooh, you're just jealous.
- In your dreams.
- Mm, looking good.
Thanks. She'll be done by the Bonfire.
Maybe I can pick you up?
I'm really proud of you.
I can't believe that Fox Sports wants
to do a story on you.
That's awesome.
as long as they don't ask me about school.
That's all.
I'm already nervous enough
about being on TV.
Don't worry, I'll be there.
Get a room.
Hey, guys!
Look what I brought.
- Cops.
- Best tequila in town.
- Girl, I was blowing up your phone.
- I know.
- Hi, bebita!
- Oh.
What is this?
Why are you guys hugging?
Well, I apologized
for being a raging bitch,
but we're all friends now.
- Dani's going shopping with us tomorrow.
- Wait, I am?
- She is?
- Yeah.
- That's new.
- Come with us, Dani.
She gets free stuff
if we post while she shops.
- Yeah.
- I got school.
- Don't you got work tomorrow?
- Um, yeah, yeah.
I have to work on a fundraiser
for this dog.
Why don't you do a GoFundMe, bebita?
- I did.
- It's so simple.
I posted it on my wall,
but unless you're Kylie Jenner, you can't
really make any money from that stuff.
Give me one sec.
You sure you wanna do this?
This is Alexa we're talking about.
I know, but we said
we were gonna try to be friends.
I don't trust her.
I'll be fine.
- Cam, come on.
- If you say so.
It's settled!
You're coming with us tomorrow.
Whoa! Oh, my gosh!
Alexa, thank you so much!
Of course.
Cam, this is crazy.
Hey, let's celebrate.
Let's take a selfie together. Come on!
I guess I'm going shopping.
Guys, let's take a selfie.
- Cheese!
- Guys!
Sit down, Miguel.
- Ooh!
- It looks like you have palsy.
Hey, I texted you like
five minutes ago about my pic.
Why haven't you liked it yet?
Because it's lame.
- What?
- Miguel?
Thank you.
I thought your photo was nice.
Thank you.
Let's take a selfie, guys!
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
What is she doing?
Hola, babies.
Today I'm going to show you
some of my favorite stores in Malibu.
Hey, can you move?
No, no, no. Not you, bebita.
Miguel, you're in my shot.
Come here.
Let's go.
Oh, my God, they're so cute.
You should definitely get them.
Holly and the girls are in Malibu.
You guys wanna hit 'em up?
No, I'm good.
Oh, my God.
We have over 50,000 likes
on one of our pics. Squad goals!
Good for you, Miguel.
I can't believe you are getting
all this for free.
Look, these shoes are $400.
Oh, my bad, shoes aren't included.
But you have
your dad's credit card, right?
- Yeah!
- Great!
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not sure if I brought it.
- That one.
- Thank you.
Great, great, great. Now we have options
for Kid Ink's party tonight.
- Ooh!
- Kid Ink?
Yeah. You're invited, bebita.
- Yeah, come with us.
- Yeah, come.
You don't have to sell me on Kid Ink!
Dani, it's Freddie again.
Just checking your ETA.
Where the hell are you?
- Phones need to be turned over.
- It's okay. You'll get it back.
Yeah. Thank you.
Oh, no, I don't do shots.
- Oh.
- Dani, come on!
- Do it.
- Yeah!
- Oh.
- Let's do another one!
- Another round, please.
- Oh, my God!
I'm gonna go find the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
Come on! Okay, okay, okay!
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
Screw it.
Hi, old boy.
Ah. I know.
Yo! You trying to steal my dog?
Oh, no, um...
Oh, my God.
You're Kid Ink.
I'm sorry.
I was looking for the bathroom and...
- Yo, yo. Don't worry about it. It's okay.
- Okay.
Ozzie doesn't get along with many people
so you must be a dog person.
I am. I volunteer at a rescue.
- Oh, yeah, which rescue?
- Bark.
Oh, really? Yeah, that's crazy.
I got Ozzie from Bark
when he was a puppy.
Oh, that's crazy! I volunteer at Bark.
- I just said that.
- Yeah.
- I really like your dog.
- Yeah. Thank you.
- And, uh, your name was?
- Dani Barnes.
"Dani Barnes."
- Nice to meet you, Dani.
- Nice to meet you.
Thank you for everything you do.
I love animals, so I'm into it all.
There you are!
Hola, Ink.
Good to see you.
- Hi.
- You look amazing.
- Thank you.
- Ink, we need you here!
I gotta get out of here.
It was good to meet you, Miss Barnes.
Nice, nice to...
Bye, Mr. Ink!
- Oh, my God!
- That's crazy.
- Where are you right now?
- I'm trying to find Dani.
- All right?
- Dani's where Dani is, okay?
The boys are where the boys are.
All right, ladies, it's been a joy.
Oh, shit, my laptop!
My laptop! Stop!
Hey, come on, Dude! Dude!
Stop the car!
We need to get some food in you.
You know, he actually looks like
a nice person when he's sleeping.
I'm sorry, that was mean.
Don't apologize. Hey.
I can see why Cameron likes you.
Oh, is that weird to bring up?
No, no.
I mean, as long as it's not weird for you.
No way! I've moved on.
One vegetable frittata.
One huevos rancheros.
Thank you very much, sir.
Gracias, Alfred.
- Can I tell you something?
- Sure.
That whole prank thing at camp...
I did it because I was jealous.
I know.
Cameron told me that
you knew he had a crush on me.
I was jealous because
my parents had just split up,
and yours were still together.
I had no idea.
I was always jealous of you.
Everyone in school worships you.
Look at all of this.
You live like a...
I wish I could just be normal
and eat a freaking donut.
Every day it's like, "Mija, date him.
Don't wear that.
Spit that out, you look fat!"
- Someone said that to you?
- Yeah, my mom.
Every part of my life just feels fake.
I don't even know who I am sometimes.
No, you're Alexa Medina.
You're beautiful and you're funny...
and smart.
I didn't know you were paying attention.
Well, it's not like...
"I'm obsessed with your life!"
You know, but my sister,
she watches you 24/7.
If she were here, this is what she'd say.
Are you ready?
"I watch you on YouTube.
I watch you on Instagram..."
- Shit!
- What?
- Freddie!
- What?
- Oh, my God!
- What?
I'm gonna... oh, my God!
- I'm gonna puke.
- No, no, no, no.
The bathroom's down that hallway,
the fifth door on the right. No!
- Sorry.
- Alfred!
Come on!
Whoa, Dani, you look great.
Danielle, you've blossomed this year.
Oh, pervert.
Come on! Broussard, let's go.
- If you're gonna...
- My office!
Freddie, answer your phone.
You can't ignore me forever.
Ba-ruch a-tah
a-do-Nai eh-lo-hay-nu meh-lech ha-o-lahm.
- A-Sher ba-char.
- Freddie...
That's a bit of the blessing
that a boy says at a Bar Mitzvah.
It's a part of the blessing that I missed
because my best friend forgot
to pick me up.
I had to play my first paying gig for free
because I was two hours late.
Okay, I tried calling you,
but you didn't answer.
One second, I was in Malibu shopping
and the next at Kid Ink's party!
I lost track of time!
Yeah, you couldn't have texted or...?
They took our phones at the door.
It's this weird celebrity thing.
I don't know.
Oh, excuse me.
I didn't realize you hang out
with these people for a couple weeks
and you're a celebrity.
I messed up.
I'm sorry.
I don't accept your apology.
Why are you being such a jerk?
- Why are you so selfish?
- I'm selfish?
I'm sorry, you wanted me
to skip hanging out with Kid Ink
so that I could drive you
to some 13-year-old's birthday party?
I just had the best night of my life.
Why can't you be happy for me?
I'm happy for you.
Have fun with
your new fake friends.
Just because they're cool
and you're not, Freddie...
- doesn't mean they're fake.
- No, they're fake.
It's just that you fit in now
so you don't realize it.
So, how's it going with Freddie?
It's not.
What? So, you guys still haven't talked?
Can we please change the subject?
Okay, have you heard back
about the scholarship yet?
By "change the subject," I mean
to something that's not stressing me out.
All right, all right.
Um, well...
Well, we can talk about this.
What is it?
Well, you know,
my acceptance letter to UCLA. Yeah.
Some girl told me to follow my heart.
I figured, "Why don't I follow my heart?"
Cam, this is amazing!
What did your dad say?
I haven't exactly told him,
but with the meet tonight and um...
and the Fox Sports thing after, I...
- Hello!
- Oh, my God.
- Holy shit.
- What?
Alexa just texted me.
I'm gonna be on
Hashtag Reality High this week.
Taylor is gonna flip!
I have to go meet the girls.
But, um, I'll see you later at the meet.
Yeah, sure. Um...
- Oh.
- You're gonna kill it. Later, babe!
Thanks for coming out.
You're gonna see something special today.
- Heard great things.
- Meet my son Cam.
- How you doing?
- Great.
- Good to meet you.
- Likewise.
- You ready to get started?
- We sure are.
- Dad's excited.
- You don't know the half of it.
All right.
So, Cameron, tell me.
What's it like to be called
the next Michael Phelps?
Aw, man, well...
- You guys.
- Shh.
Sorry! Sorry.
You guys, come.
- Shh!
- Sit, sit, sit up here.
Look, I'm sorry about that.
Shit, sorry.
Don't mind us!
It's all good. So, people are saying
you're the next Michael Phelps.
Well, man,
I wouldn't say all that, right?
Now, don't be modest.
You've built this program to
national prominence one stroke at a time.
He said stroke!
Um, can you just...
Can you just give me one second?
I'm sorry.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Hey, Cameron!
Oh, okay.
What the hell are you doing?
I'm supporting you.
How? By missing my meet,
then showing up drunk?
- Oh.
- Did you see how pissed my dad was?
I still have to talk to him about UCLA.
Okay, hashtag first-world problems.
Okay, Alexa.
Hey, don't be mad at me just because
you're too scared to talk to your dad.
I can't believe you.
What is your worst case scenario here?
Okay, you go to college?
- Go to the Olympics?
- Keep it down.
You go to college and the Olympics?
I don't know if I can go to my dream
school, because I can't afford it.
And you're here bitching about
all your options.
You don't get it.
I do, actually.
It's simple.
You go to your dad, and you say,
"Hey, Dad, I'm going to UCLA!"
- Please be quiet.
- Is that true?
- You need to get back to the interview.
- Uh...
- Just give me a second, Dad, please.
- One minute.
- I didn't know he was standing...
- Whatever. What's done is done.
I'm sorry.
I don't know
what's going on with you right now,
but I don't want to be around this Dani.
What are you saying?
I'm saying I don't think
we should be together.
I'll see you around.
- Have you guys seen Fiona?
- Yeah, there.
She's over there.
Fiona, I don't know what to do.
- Last night Cameron...
- Stop.
We lost the venue for the adoption event,
because you didn't submit the permit.
Oh, my God.
Fiona, I'm so sorry.
Sorry doesn't get us a new venue.
- I meant to do it, but I just forgot.
- What do you mean you just forgot?
I was out having fun.
- You told me to let loose.
- I didn't say shirk your responsibilities.
If you can't handle your social life
with work now,
you've got no chance at Davis.
- Meaning?
- Meaning...
I told you I was very serious
about my recommendations.
If you want one, you better fix this.
How am I supposed to get a venue
at such short notice?
I don't know. I hope you figure it out.
45, 46, 47...
989, 999...
Infinity. Infinity.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
- Hey, Dani.
- It's all good.
I waited for you.
I just tweeted a link to the video.
- Oh, okay.
- All right.
Cheer up, bitch,
you're about to be famous.
- Whoo!
- Stop.
- Are you guys ready?
- Yeah.
One, two, three.
Hola, bebes.
This is Hashtag Reality High,
with me, Alexa Medina.
You know, parents can be mad annoying.
I mean, I love my mom,
but sometimes she can be overbearing.
I've got great news for you, Mija.
You are going to be shooting the cover
of Teen Vogue tomorrow.
- Like, telling you what to do.
- Mama, I have a test tomorrow.
You can go to the school any day.
The cover of Teen Vogue,
you can only do when you have...
- Ay, Mami!
- Breasts.
Jesus. Somebody oughta nominate
this lady for Mom of the Year.
I know, right!
You know what's worse than parents?
Today, we're going to talk about that.
I know, she looks unhinged,
and I felt bad for her,
so I took her under my wing.
I was always jealous of you.
I mean, everyone at school worshipped you.
And look at this place.
- You live like a...
- Aw...
Like a princess.
I'm obsessed with your life!
I watch you on YouTube.
I watch you on Snapchat.
I follow you on Instagram.
Her dressing like me,
showing up at our hangout,
even dating my sloppy seconds.
Her name is Dani Barnes.
We used to be close friends.
Honey, come check this out!
She needs help.
I think she has a drinking problem, too.
The bathroom's down the hallway,
the fifth door on the right. Hey! No!
I'm just saying, guys,
this time happened to me,
next time it could be you.
Just be careful out there.
I can't believe I was stupid enough
to trust you.
Yeah, pretty stupid.
You thought I was just gonna let her
steal my boyfriend and embarrass me?
Get out.
You need to leave.
Dani? Are you okay, baby?
I'm fine.
I just dropped something.
Are you sure?
Please just leave me alone.
Okay. I'm here if you need me.
I can't believe she fell for it.
Leave her alone, jerks!
Thanks, Freddie.
You're my best friend.
So today, we are going to be talking
about the Cold War.
If it were then, I'd be teaching you
to hide under your desk,
like that would somehow help
with the bomb.
You are late, Ms. Barnes.
You wanna open up your textbook please
to page 198.
If you want to keep that phone,
you better put it away.
Thank you.
Okay, everybody, settle down.
So, the Cold War,
this is a very scary time.
Think about it like this:
the US was... Taylor Swift
- and the USSR was Taylor Lautner...
- Streak! Everyone's in there.
Harry Styles or Tom Hiddleston.
I'm not the only one.
I'm not the only one, there's more coming.
You guys look so stupid right now.
- Broussard!
- Shit!
- Hey! Stay in class!
- Come on, Broussard, run!
Broussard, god damn it! Get back here!
Wow, they are killing Dani online.
Yeah, those memes are cruel.
She has no one to blame but herself.
I'm pretty sure she could blame you.
She made me look like an idiot
in front of the entire school.
You did a pretty good job
of that yourself.
That was really messed up, even for you.
I'm out of here.
I just wanted to let you know
I think it's really lame what Alexa did,
and I stopped following her.
Thanks, T.
And if you wanna talk,
you know where my room is.
Maybe later, okay?
Taylor, please just leave me alone.
Hey, baby girl.
May I come in?
So how you doing?
- You okay?
- Dad, I really don't wanna talk...
You're gonna have to.
I may not seem like it,
but I notice a lot of stuff around here.
- Really?
- Yes.
I let your mom handle most of it,
because I've never been a teenage girl.
Or any age girl for that matter,
but you're acting like a dumb ass.
Wow. Now I see why
you let mom give the talks.
I know you feel like crap,
and I can't imagine being embarrassed
in front of the whole world,
but this past month,
you've been losing yourself,
trying to keep up with girls
who aren't even in your league.
Dad, you don't understand.
Everyone at school thinks
I'm some obsessed stalker.
But you're not, right?
So who cares what they think?
When you graduate,
you won't see half of those people again.
I still have to go to school until then.
Focus on what's important to you.
And everything else will fall into place.
You're still my Dani.
You're one
of the smartest people I've ever met.
I know you'll figure it out.
Oh, I almost forgot...
Thank you.
- You still owe me $400.
- Okay.
Good night, baby girl.
I already told you,
I don't want a fuzzy navel!
Oh, fine. I'm coming.
Grams, get a hobby! Seriously!
How about an apology?
I thought we already did that.
You're my best friend.
- 'Cause I wasn't sure anymore.
- Look...
there's no excuse, okay?
I wasn't there for you,
and you've always been there for me.
I'm sorry.
I was hoping for something
a little more poetic.
But that'll do.
Can I come in?
And I'm sorry.
I was a jerk, too.
I mean, you were a way bigger jerk,
but still.
Uh, friends.
I'm just glad to have you back!
I guess now I can say I know Bob.
Bob? You mean "Bob?"
No, Bob's dead.
- Oh!
- I'm Paco, the general manager.
Okay, well, thanks again for
letting us have the adoption event here.
We're happy to help. It's gonna be great.
- You are literally a life saver.
- I'm a puppy saver.
- Wonderful.
- Great! It's a deal!
- Ciao.
- See you later, Bob!
- Paco!
- "Paco." Oh, damn it, Dani.
Okay, here goes nothing.
Hi, I'm Dani Barnes.
Most of you know me
as Alexa Medina's stalker
or "The Stalker."
Very original.
I'm not a stalker.
The truth is I'm just a...
goofy, dog-loving nerd.
This isn't exactly the image
of a cool kid.
But the truth is I'm really okay
with this girl.
And turns out my dream guy was, too.
I messed it up.
I lost someone I loved
just to get likes from a bunch of people
that I don't even like!
No offense.
Even worse, I lost myself.
But I'm gonna change all that.
A wise man told me
to focus on what's important to me,
and it's not...
all of this.
this little guy.
a bunch of other little guys
like him who need homes.
So if you're looking for a furry friend,
come adopt a dog this Saturday from Bark,
at Bob's Big Boy.
Okay, that's it, I guess.
Shit. How do you turn this thing off?
Hmm, it's a damn shame.
Got a minute, Dad?
We need to talk.
We already talked.
No, you talked.
Now you need to listen.
I'll grab this, you grab that one. Okay?
Hi, there. Have you ever been interested
in getting a dog?
My name is Dani, and I work for Bark,
and we're gonna have an event today.
It'll be great. You should come.
- Looks nice.
- Yeah!
Let's try it on him.
Great color.
Dog model.
Holy Shih Tzu!
Tyrion, we did it.
Well, I did it.
You just slept all day.
I came over here
because I want us to be friends again.
I don't know.
Look, I know.
- We used to be really close...
- Taylor!
- Yes?
- Thanks.
Nobody messes with my sister.
Now get out.
Dani, this is quite a turn out.
I gotta say.
Your parents are here? Hello.
- Hey, guys.
- Great to see you.
Hey, Hodor.
Hodor's legs are coming along.
Hey, guys.
I cannot believe so many people
showed up because of me.
Um, they didn't.
What's up?
It's your boy Kid Ink telling y'all,
y'all need to go hit up my home girl
Dani's pet adoption event going on.
Sorry I couldn't be there, Dani,
but I saw that dope video you posted, yo.
- I'll hit you when I touch down.
- This is so cool!
- What?
- That's better than my video.
Of course it is.
Okay, gotta go. Bye, guys.
I'm gonna miss you next year.
Oh, my God.
- Is this what I think it is?
- Yep, you earned it.
Thank you.
Ah, you're welcome.
Is that "Six Foot Yes?"
- As in "Roger that."
- Nice!
Oh, my Gosh!
This is amazing, Shannon.
I had a little motivation.
I told a girl I really like that
I'd have it ready for the Bonfire.
- I can't believe you did all this.
- Right, trust me. I feel the same way.
- Yeah.
- My gosh.
- Right?
- Yeah!
You ready to go?
- Yeah! Let's go!
- Bonfire, here we come.
Wow, you look nice.
Don't worry, he'll be there.
Thanks, T.
I bet you guys are
gonna make out tonight.
Get out of here!
Hell, yeah. They are loving the car.
Hey! What's up, guys?
- Hey, park next to Vinny.
- Don't worry. Okay. Okay.
Watch out.
- It's not what it looks like.
- Come on, Vinny.
It looks like you're making out
with Miguel.
It's exactly what it looks like.
- Huh, I guess it makes sense.
- Guess so.
All right, it looks like
I owe Cameron 20 bucks.
I don't know whose idea it was to give me
a microphone, if I could tell you I would.
I feel myself being engulfed by the power.
And if we could,
could we make the fire look nice?
Could that be possible?
I'm getting creative here.
We can call it Vinny and the Vinaigrettes.
- Oh!
- Hey, Dani!
Hey, Dani.
- What up?
- Glad you could make it.
Oh, my God. Did you hear that Alexa
lost her YouTube channel?
- No.
- Yeah.
Somebody reported
she was faking her views.
Gee, I wonder who that was, Miguel.
- What?
- Have you guys seen Cameron?
Uh, yeah.
He's by the ocean, being a pensive bitch.
- Don't be a dick.
- He's over by the bonfire.
I'll see you guys over there.
- Yeah.
- See you there.
Let's do this. Come here, bear.
- Tequila?
- Tequila?
Hey, you guys comin'?
- Yeah, yeah.
- No. We'll catch up with you in bit.
Hey, stay strong, tiger.
Hey, Dani!
Looks like you went through
a full-on hero's journey, girl!
I am killing it right now!
I can see that!
You wanted a little alone time?
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that.
I'm a virgin.
- No, sorry, it's just you kinda...
- Yeah, I know.
Dingleberry started that rumor
about us hooking up in his Mustang,
but I never even got in his car.
Why didn't you tell people the truth?
I don't know.
It sounds pathetic, but...
after that,
a lot of guys started noticing me,
so it felt good being the one
getting attention for once.
I don't think you're pathetic.
I've always thought you were special.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You, you do make out though, right?
bonfire, right?
- Yes?
- Yes. Let's go.
Yes, could I get one for the road?
By the way, if you are looking
for a certain someone,
he's over there.
Thank you.
- Hey, Freddie.
- Hi.
Need any background dancers?
Looks like they, uh,
wanna finish that routine for you.
Yah! Here we go!
Valley Vista High! Whoo!
Is this seat taken?
Yes, it is.
I'm saving it for my date.
She's beautiful, smart,
funny, loves animals,
especially dogs...
Gives good advice
and is not the best swimmer.
Have you seen her?
Sounds so familiar.
Did she also have bitchin' dance moves?
No, they were cute, though.
I'm so sorry...
for everything.
Especially how I acted
after the swim meet.
but if it hadn't happened,
you wouldn't be looking at a future
You told your dad?
Well in that case, you're welcome.
I missed you.
I missed you, too.
I hope you know I'm still the same Dani.
I know.
I saw your video.
For the record, you never lost me.
I knew they were gonna make out!
Who's making out?
Give your sister some privacy.
Let me see.
You know how to swim, right?
Okay, 'cause I wouldn't want
to have to save you.
Come on!
- Come on!
- Wow.
Come on.
I respect you so much.
I don't know why I make fun of you.
You're an easy target.
I shouldn't make fun.
Yes, you should.
No, it's just 'cause your last
name sorta sounds like "dick."
That's not a good joke to make.
It doesn't sorta sound like "dick."
It is "dick."
One, two, three.
Vista Valley High!