Recipe for Disaster (2003) Movie Script

Down at the deep end
We got thrown in
Now we got to learn
To swim
Not sure what to do
But I know
We'll make it through
It can't get
Any worse than this
The captain
Jumped the ship
He was making
Lobster bisque
When they got to him
Step by step
Day by day
We're finding
Our own way
And in the end
We'll be there
To see the sun
Come out again
To see the sun
Come out again
The house is packed
And on their feet
Waiting for the beat
But the band is MIA
There's no one
Here to play
Can't get any worse
Than this
It's a total miss
But the gig
Comes with a kiss
That'll see us
Through it
Step by step
Day by day
We're finding
Our own way
And in the end
We'll be there
To see the sun come out
Step by step
Day by day
We're finding
Our own way
And in the end
We'll be there
To see the sun
Come out again
To see the sun
Come out again
Our grand opening.
Our very own restaurant.
I can't believe the thrill.
I can feel it in the air.
Tonight is the night.
Everybody's gonna be there.
This is the biggest party
since Chloe's parents
went to Thailand.
You remember that party?
Oh, you should see my outfit.
Hotter than
Death Valley asphalt.
He's gonna--
He's gonna be there tonight?
Oh, wow. This could be
the night of my life.
Emma, yeah, I gotta go.
Yeah, big mother's watching.
No, I got this thing
with my family first,
but I'll be done--
You have to concentrate
on one thing at a time.
Where's Max?
I don't know,
probably playing with matches
or running through traffic.
Taking candy from strangers.
So, Mom, it's a good thing when
the holiday sauce goes lumpy?
Oh, for Pete's sake, Sam,
I told you not to touch that.
We'll do the sauces there.
Sorry, Mom.
I'll just grab the salad.
No! Don't you dare touch that.
That's my lucky pan.
Come on,
bring it down now.
Sam, where's Max?
Doing stuff.
Dr. Geekenstein
refuses to leave our room.
He's moved all of his
funky gadgets in my area.
So you can either
give me my own room,
like you already
or Max's stuff
is going to find its way
to the front lawn
real soon.
That's enough,
That's enough.
Max. We need you now.
Go in the kitchen,
get the stuff in the Tupperware
and bring it now.
Okay, Mom, I've been
giving this a lot of thought,
I have to go
to that party tonight.
Jason Beret--
Who doesn't know you exist.
--is gonna be there.
Max, come on, where you been?
Doing stuff.
You're afraid that
if you're not there on time,
Shannon DeVries
will swoop right in
and get her claws in,
Ooh. Rebecca likes boys.
Oh, not all boys,
you little toadstool.
Mom, so the party
starts at 6,
and I was wondering
maybe I could get home
with time, you know,
to take a shower
and wash the food stink off...
I'm gonna do my best,
but I can't promise anything,
Rebecca, okay?
This is so unfair.
Why couldn't you do this
at the restaurant?
Because I have to spend time
with my little angels.
No, because the kitchen
wasn't ready yet.
Okay, ready.
Come on, come on.
Move, move, move, move.
That's it.
Think that's everything? Yeah.
All right. Okay.
The Korda caravan
of crazies is ready to roll.
It's show time. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
This is going to be so cool.
My very first
restaurant opening.
To see the sun
Come out again
To see the sun
Come out again
I'll get it. Go ahead.
Okay, all right.
Yes, good afternoon.
Spokes Restaurant.
Luigi, don't be afraid
to lie to me.
Just tell me
we're gonna be ready
when that first customer
walks through the door at 5.
A-okay, Mrs. Korda.
Don't you worry.
How we doing?
We're fully booked.
We are.
Oh, Luigi,
all the lights came in?
A-okay, Mr. Korda.
Don't you worry.
Babette, I want to remind you,
put the red wine on top.
Come on, come on,
we gotta be ready.
We don't have time.
We will be.
what's two plus two?
A-okay, Mrs. Korda.
Don't you worry.
MARIE: Bonjour, Henri.
Can we start
the cooking now?
Uh, now that we have our chef,
we can.
In there, and be careful
with those.
A place for everything.
Everything in its place.
What, what?
I have not yet seen
the lucky pan.
Oh, well...
Now nothing bad
can happen.
Hey, boys, come on.
The boxes in the truck
have to become
the boxes in the kitchen.
All right,
I'll get the phone.
Go help your sister get the
boxes and bring them back in.
Spokes Restaurant,
good afternoon, may I help you?
Uh-huh, how many
in your party?
One for you,
and one for you.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Don't push.
Okay, where?
I know where it goes.
Where's Max?
SAM: He's behind me.
I'll go look for him.
Mom said I could help.
No, she didn't.
You are too young.
When I was your age,
I was a dishwasher.
For two years
I worked on spoons
before the head chef
even let me touch a fork.
Yeah, and you only got
a turnip a week to eat.
A small turnip.
Hey, that's my old
No, that's my old
No, that was my new tricycle,
then it was Sam's,
then it was Max's,
and now I guess the wall's.
Oh, Max, maybe now's not
such a good time to tell you
about the bed-wetting problem
Sam had.
No, I didn't!
Honey, guess what?
MARIE: What?
Gigi Grant reviewed
How did Allen do?
One star.
Oh, my--
Oh, I gotta call him,
I gotta call him.
I am a good chef.
I am a good chef!
One star, ha!
The phone is
out of service.
Look at this.
The Chronicle.
Picture of Gigi.
Bigfoot revealed.
Wow, she's certainly not
the troll I expected her to be.
Wait, that's Gigi Grant?
Hey, boys!
All right, look, everybody.
You see this woman
in the restaurant,
you let me know.
That woman is
le diable, the devil.
But now if she shows up here,
she gets her just dessert.
She is finished.
Memorize that face.
But I can be anonymous.
not anonymous enough.
Every restaurant owner
in this state,
will have seen
this picture by now.
Don't make this
harder than it is.
You'll get another job.
Reviewing moose burgers
in Alaska?
No chance.
Where are you going?
Back to work, Ollie.
I'm gonna prove to you
just how anonymous I can be.
This just came in the mail.
Just watch.
They won't know
what hit them,
until the review comes out.
Ooh, I gotta make
Spokes Restaurant,
good afternoon, may I help you?
Spokes Restaurant,
good afternoon, may I help you?
Spokes Restaurant,
good afternoon, may I help you?
We're done.
I told you not to worry.
Our night.
Our night.
Come on,
picture, picture.
Henri, watch the pot.
Our restaurant.
Our restaurant.
You pigs!
Stop it. You know
he started it, Rebecca.
Did not!
Our kids.
Please, please, please.
All right, photo op,
photo op.
Behave, behave, behave.
Line up. Come on.
Let me see your faces.
Pretend you like each other,
just for this.
No, no, no.
Put your hand down.
Come on, come on.
Here comes Mom.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, oh, whoa, whoa--
Oh, oh. Oh, God.
Oh! Sorry.
Here, let me help you.
Oh, thank you.
Say Camembert.
Oh, wait a minute.
Hi. I'm Nikki,
Nikki Rathbone.
That's my brother Blake.
We run Le Pretensione
next door.
Yes, hi.
I'm Patrick Porter,
that's my wife Marie.
We've been meaning to come over
and introduce ourselves,
but it's just been
so crazed lately.
I love what you've done
with the place.
Thank you,
and thanks for the picture.
Well, my brother and I
believe in helping
all the restaurants
in the neighborhood.
Have a great opening night,
Thanks very much.
Hey, kids.
Guys, guys, guys,
come here.
Quiet down, listen.
Now look.
I realize that mom and I
have not been around very much
for the last few months.
We've been so busy
trying to set up the restaurant.
But I want you to know,
it's not just
mom and dad's restaurant--
MARIE: What?
It belongs to all of us.
It's-- Wait.
Wonder what that was.
This is not--
Talk to him.
Talk to him.
Who's this?
Oh, hi.
Just fix it, fix it.
Okay, fine.
There seems to be
a little problem
with the certificate
of occupancy.
A little problem?
City Hall
lost our certificate.
We have to file a new one
by five o'clock.
We have to open at five.
We're fine, we're fine.
We'll go down together,
sign at City Hall,
and we'll be back
by the opening.
Gregory should bring
the papers here.
He can't.
It's his mistake.
There's not time for him
to come file the papers.
There's time for us to go there.
You go. I'm staying.
We both have to sign.
We don't both have to sign.
Baby, we both have to go.
We can't both go.
I'm not leaving
the restaurant, I'm not.
Fine, fine.
Then in a little while,
there's not gonna be
a restaurant to leave here?
Will there be?
We have to sign
new papers, please.
We're wasting time.
Don't talk to me,
don't talk to me.
Not my fault.
Kids, kids.
Mom and I
have to go somewhere.
Henri and Babette are
taking care of everything.
Rebecca, you're in charge.
Wait, that's not fair.
MAX: You're really gonna leave?
We're leaving.
Remind Babette, two forks,
each place setting
and don't forget
the wine glasses.
Tell Henri not to over-whisk
the hollandaise,
don't mess with it.
You do the reservation book.
You tidy up the store room.
And help each other out.
All right?
We gotta go.
Step back, go, go.
I have to take care of you two?
And there they go.
What's that?
It was their certificate
of occupancy.
There have been four restaurants
on that spot.
Five now, and I have buried
all of them.
With your help, Nikki,
of course with your help.
Speaking of help,
did you happen to check out
their help?
Henri and Babette?
We hardly know
Henri and Babette.
we had them checked out.
They have
spotless reputations,
perfect references.
Absolutely flawless.
They have spotless reputations,
perfect references.
They're absolutely flawless.
Not quite.
After all, I have low friends
in low places.
Well, every man
has his Achilles heel.
For Henri.
And Babette?
She has a thing
for muscular Italian artists.
What a perfect specimen.
I'm sure Henri won't mind
spilling his culinary secrets
over a nice bottle of bubbly.
The icing on the cake.
The sauce on the goose.
The 20% surcharge
on the bill.
They canceled with us.
To eat here.
They'll never eat
in this town again.
Someone should call them
and have them switch
to a better
and more
established restaurant.
Can I help you,
Ms. Rathbone?
Oh hello, sweet thing.
I realized
how rude it was of me
not to offer you
a gift before.
So, um, here...
a little grand opening
Oh, how sweet of you.
I am Antonio.
I have a painting
for my patron
Senor Patrick Porter
for his ristorante.
Si, bella donna.
He paid for the painting,
so he's my patron.
My father didn't
order any painting,
and he certainly didn't
order that painting.
Hush. I'm sure
your father ordered it.
This is not just a picture,
this is an Antonio original.
Stunning, and a welcome change
from these old grimy bikes.
I will need some help in finding
the perfect spot for my work.
Why don't you get that?
So, it's just you and me...
and champagne makes three.
Emma, I'm back, yeah.
Okay, if Shannon is going
to be fashionably late
because of some dinner
with her mother,
that means I get
an hour alone with Jason.
I know.
Oh, wait, hold on a second.
Good afternoon,
Spokes Restaurant,
how may I help you?
Okay, let me see,
what time and how many people?
Okay, um...
Oh, how does 9 p.m.
sound instead?
Okay, right, for two people,
Mrs. Frost.
No, no, thank you,
we look forward
to having you dine with us.
Emma, I know--
Wait, hold on a second.
Good afternoon,
Spokes Restaurant,
how may I help you?
Okay, how many people?
Oh, you know,
we can't fit in a table of six
at seven o'clock,
but let's see,
we do have a table for four
and a table for...
Ma'am, four of you
can eat at seven,
and the other two
can eat at nine, duh.
What do you think
of the Antonio original, bella?
It's magnificent.
Is this good?
It was in need
of a woman's touch.
What shall we drink to?
What is this place called?
Well, to Spokes,
to an unforgettable
grand opening.
To Spokes.
Oh, wait, hold on a second.
Max, what are you doing?
Okay, get out, come on.
Great. Let's see it.
Come here, let me see it.
Um, that's right.
All right, that's right.
Give me a pen.
Where's the pen?
I'm looking.
Find it.
Hurry up, hurry up.
Here. Show me.
Sign right there.
All right. There.
Oh, oh. Here.
Bye, let's go.
All right. Bye. Let's go.
If the restaurant is successful,
I want fantabulous clothes,
like Shannon DeVries.
Then everybody
will notice me.
Books and computer games
and comics.
I can use my own lucky pan,
and saucepan in Paris.
I want--
You can't get a car.
That's not
what I was gonna say.
Separate bedrooms.
Have you ever seen
a sadder thing in your life?
We all know what happens
when chefs cry in their food.
Salty food?
For later.
I hit you in the face.
What are you gonna do
about it, shorty? Aw.
It's later.
What do you mean, don't worry?
Of course I worry.
The trouble with you, Patrick,
is you don't worry enough.
There's six million things
that can go wrong
with opening a restaurant.
Six million and one.
I'm gonna call the tow truck.
No, they'll take too long.
I'll do it.
Wait for me, Antonio.
Thank you.
What happened to Henri?
That door hit you
in the head.
Oh, oh.
Did you know that sign's
on the wrong door?
I guess you did.
What happened to Henri?
Max hit him in the head
with the door.
You hit him first.
The signs were messed up,
that's your fault.
Excuse me,
you two did it.
Look at this,
"I quit, Babette."
Is Henri okay?
Sort of.
You guys,
what are we gonna do?
We can't just leave him lying
in the middle of the floor.
Let's put him
in the store room,
and have him sleep it off.
Wow, now I see why mom and dad
left you in charge.
You guys,
this isn't gonna work.
You think?
We'll make it work, okay?
Dolly Parton?
Dolly the sheep.
Dolly the dolly.
Okay, go over there.
One, two, three.
Here we go.
Are you okay?
Let's go.
Oh, my gosh,
we're all alone.
Look, the tire!
No, no, hey,
whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa,
hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Oh, god.
Oh, no. Good dog.
No, no!
Shut up!
What are we gonna do?
Mom and dad will come
walking through that door
any moment now.
Any moment now.
Seriously, you guys,
what are we gonna do?
Let's lock the front door,
hang up the closed sign
and go hide in the store room.
No, there's too much
at stake.
Bus boy.
We can't do this alone.
So what are you
going to do?
Mom and dad
left me in charge, okay?
left you in charge.
I can't find my cell phone.
Well, you had it before.
I know.
We've gotta call the restaurant.
We're gonna be a bit late.
No, don't worry,
everything will be fine.
The sooner we go,
the sooner we'll get there.
Don't tell me not to worry.
The restaurant's gonna open
in nine minutes,
and we've got a full house,
and we're not
gonna be there.
Henri and Babette
will take care of it all.
C'mon, just get in the car,
let's go.
Oh, Antonio.
Places, everybody,
it's showtime.
What, dad always says that.
It sounds better
when dad says it.
This is gonna be
so much fun, you guys.
I hate it
when that happens.
You can't sit here all day,
I'll have the soup.
Any day now
Anytime now
I'll be right here
Waiting for you
Any day now
Anytime now
I'll be right here
Waiting for you
Minute to minute
Hour to hour
Together we'll find a way
Any day now
Anytime now
I'll be right here
Waiting for you
What the...?
What is this?
When did this happen?
We haven't even
served a thing yet.
Wait, wait.
Welcome to Spokes.
It is so good to have you
with us this evening.
Have you dined with us before?
Of course not, but we treat
all of our guests
like regulars.
Here, have some menus,
look over them,
and I'll be back shortly
to take your order.
Take a seat, sit down.
You know you want to. Okay.
Oh, my goodness,
so sorry about that.
I'll have some waters
brought over to you
as soon as possible, okay?
Enjoy dinner.
You're the bus boy, so bus.
Are you ready
to order yet?
I think so, yes.
Oh, okay,
what would you like?
I'm a little nervous.
This is my first blind date.
Me too, but Zack said
we were a lot alike.
A dinner reservation on
opening night of a restaurant.
I am impressed.
I'm a big fan of the chef.
If you'll just come this way,
I'll show you to your table.
I can't read your writing.
Which part?
All of it.
I mean, at least
give me a hint here.
The first thing
is two Caesar salads,
the second
is two soup du jours,
and the third is that
tomatoey thing mom does.
Okay, that's how you spell
Oh, you do know what happens
if the knife is off
by a fraction
when you cut
that tomato, right?
Okay, I know
what I'm doing, Rebecca.
You do now.
Miss, where are our salads?
Coming right up, sir.
Where are the salads?
Close enough.
Excuse me.
Oh, my, excuse me.
Ah, finally.
Some salad for you,
and some more for you.
Here you go.
No, that is not done yet.
Sam, please don't.
No, give it, give it.
It looked done to me.
It's fine.
Oh, just one...
Max, come here.
I can't be maitre d'
and waitress.
So I have to be
bus boy and maitre d'?
Yup, that's what
you gotta do.
Good evening, is this
the Spokes Restaurant?
We don't have reservations,
but can you fit us in?
Can we go in now?
Should we take our menus?
What a nice young man.
You're falling behind, Sam.
Oh, no! Uhh!
Here you go.
We've already got menus.
I haven't, I'll take one.
This isn't what we ordered.
Hey, I ordered that,
I think.
We came here first.
Our order hasn't come yet,
so we'll take that.
No, we were here first.
Miss, who was here first?
You were.
are our salads ready yet?
Will you take my order
please, miss?
I'd like...
I can't read your writing.
Rebecca, you have
to get your act together.
You first, where's the food?
Blue rice?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
There you go,
and there you go.
What did you order us?
I thought it was
something from planet Earth.
More like Uranus.
Should've picked
another planet.
Miss, could you
please take our order?
Miss, we never got
our salads.
Maybe we should just
go straight to the soup.
Pardon me, miss,
but I'd like to change my order.
Miss, I need...
Miss. Miss. Miss.
Miss, I need--
Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss.
Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss!
This can't get worse.
Shouldn't you be
shutting someone down?
Guess who's dining
next door?
Nobody, I hope.
Gigi Grant.
Someone must've sent her
a notice to the grand opening.
I again
bow to the master.
Good evening.
Ms. Stone,
table for one.
Right this way, mademoiselle.
Why don't you go over there
and help our little friends
make her meal at Spokes
Dinner special number one,
thank you.
One dinner special
number one.
At last.
Brown until what?
Miss, we never
got our salad,
and now we're waiting
for our soups.
This is ridiculous.
You know what, I'll go
check the kitchen, okay?
What is that?
where are those two soups?
We're out of soup bowls.
The dishwasher's not working.
Where's Max?
Get him to wash them.
Max is working the desk.
Oh, great.
Two soup du jours,
tout suite.
Rebecca, you don't get it,
it's locked. It won't open.
No, you don't get it.
I don't care.
What are you doing?
Here you go.
We ordered soup.
Oh. Voila.
Very good,
very good, yes.
That's not on the menu?
Well, it's a specialty
of the house.
What do you call it?
Uh, Soup Rebecca.
Here you go.
What is it?
It's dinner special
number one.
But what is it?
I'll have one of these.
Me too.
All right.
Two more Soup Rebecca's.
You know, the soup
in the bread bowl.
We got soup bowls again.
Forget about the soup bowls.
The customers want Soup Rebecca.
Hey, I cooked it.
And I invented it.
Besides, Soup Sam
doesn't sound right.
I can't run over her.
All right.
Excuse me, miss,
I never got my bill.
Oh, so sorry.
Now I only had the--
The Soup Rebecca,
that's a good choice.
Okay, and, oh, the salad,
I trust that wasn't too tangy.
And, oh, spaghetti...
with meat sauce, good stuff.
And let's see,
the catch of the day.
Good choice, good choice.
Okay, let's see
what you got for dessert.
Blueberries and cream.
Oh, you got a nasty paper cut.
You should take care of that.
And thank you
for dining at Spokes, okay?
But I--
Emma, can you hear me?
How's the party?
Well, Jason's not here yet.
It's going to be great.
Luke Brennan is in the pool.
You got to see
the body on him.
Her parents seem cool.
They bailed.
Sounds familiar. Huh?
Oh, hey, bad news.
Shannon DeVries
is showing earlier.
Can you be here?
Oh, shoot.
I have no idea.
Well, I'll try.
Dinner Special Number 2.
Your waitress will be with you
shortly, Mrs. DeVries.
That's my job.
DeVries. I can't believe
I missed that.
If the word gets out
that I'm a...I'm a--
If the word gets out
I'm a waitress,
then she's going
to bury me in school.
I can't believe this.
I'm blind.
I got to take
a break now, okay?
I remember someone saying
we have to do this.
There's only us.
What idiot said that?
You did.
Well, don't you quote me to me.
That only applies
to you and Sam.
If I said it,
it didn't--
It doesn't apply
to me, okay?
Oh, I just love the Vive
La France bicycle motif.
Great, mom. Can we just eat
and get out of here?
Oh, please, child. We were lucky
we could move our reservations
an hour earlier.
Now let's enjoy our dinner.
I have to get to that party
and lock Jason
before that leech, Rebecca,
gets her grimy claws
all into him.
Bonjour, Madame.
Bienvenue avec Spokes.
Oh. Bonsoir,
Oh, I am so reminded of those
delightful two star bistros
in the French countryside.
Ooh. The poulet avec la sauce
framboise sounds good.
Sauce framboise is
a strawberry sauce, my angel.
You are allergic
to strawberries.
They make your face
break out in blotches.
You mean, I'll look
like that zit, Rebecca.
Great. I'll have the veal.
And I will have the chicken.
Hey. I'm the chef.
Here you go.
Oh, okay.
Oh. All right.
Hey. What is it?
Dinner Special Number 2.
But what is it?
Bon apptit.
Mmm. Mmm.
They're still open.
Not for long.
They're still open.
I can't believe you got
51 percent of this place.
somebody has to run it.
You can't even beat
a bunch of children.
Good evening, sir.
Good evening, officer.
You and the car
were speeding, sir.
Yes, officer.
License, registration.
Uh, do... do you have
a pen or pencil
or other writing utensil,
Thank you.
What's she...?
First day
out of the academy?
First ticket?
Yeah. Yeah.
We're going to be here
a while, huh?
Aah! Oh. Oh. Oh.
It's an attack.
Oh! Oh! Oh, God.
Fire, fire!
Fire. Oh. Oh.
We need--
You... You come trace this pipe,
and you come trace
this gas line. Now.
Oh, God.
Who did this?
Nikki Rathbone.
Okay, Max. In the restaurants
where mom's worked,
where's the fuse box
usually been?
In the store room.
In most of them.
So, what are we going to do?
Something massive.
What's that?
What do you think
you're doing?
One of the customers in there
ordered up some pizzas.
I'm just going to go ahead
and deliver it to the table.
No, you're not.
Hey. What a jerk.
Hey, out of the way.
Hey, I don't think so.
We got a report
of food poisoning inside.
No one is sick in there.
Hey, you know what?
You guys want some pizza
because I've always wanted
to go for a ride
in one of those things.
Well, that can be arranged.
Let me guess.
Wild dog on the premises.
There is no mad dog here.
Hey, you want
to use the pizza?
We'll lure it out.
There is no mad dog.
No one is sick.
And I don't want any pizza.
If those kids
try anything else...
heaven help them.
Table 10.
This should be it.
Please remain calm.
Stay seated.
Drop that chicken.
Stop. Don't go.
Pay before you go, please.
Stop. Don't go.
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
Oh, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
Just a bit of a spell.
Thank you, young man.
Oh, hmm hmm.
Dinner Special Number 3,
young lady.
Don't cover your face,
You're beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, that was--
All right.
Your Soup Rebecca.
Where is she?
I knew that shrilly little
plain voice sounded familiar.
Finish your dessert.
I thought you were in a hurry.
She's here, mom.
Those twerps.
I'll get them.
Child Labor Department,
Mon dieu.
My God. Look at you.
Your face. You're all
covered in blotches.
Jason can't see me like this.
I can't go to the party.
Oh, no.
I don't feel too good.
Oh, let me feel your head.
Oh, we have to get you home.
I have to go to the party.
Rebecca can't have Jason!
I had my mind set on...
It could be good.
It could be good.
Just give it a chance.
Give it a chance.
Isn't that him
just coming in?
It is! Hide me.
Natural. Natural.
Oh, she's not feeling well.
Nice hair.
Your table is ready.
Okay, um, who's at Table 8?
Uh-oh. Duh. Mr. Perfect.
The love of your life.
Wasn't he supposed to be
at that party?
Hmm. Looks like fate
had other things in mind.
Remain calm.
You wait on them.
I can't. I'm the cook.
I will cover for you.
Hi. And good evening.
Welcome to Spokes.
Bicycles, Dad.
Oh, yeah. Right.
We had reservations
at Le Pretensione for ages.
But their lights are out.
We think they're closed.
Oh, yes. They must be.
What do you recommend?
Well, the cook's been doing
some very interesting things
with the recipes this evening.
I trust you had
a first hand look at that.
Oh. Yeah. I guess
you could say that.
Okay. We'll have
the mac and cheese here.
My husband will have
the Caesar salad,
low cal dressing.
And I'll the--
Jason will have
the chicken breast,
white sauce, mashed potatoes,
glass of milk.
I'll have
Special Number 2.
Special Number 2.
All right.
You're the waitress.
You never could
do anything right.
You're an imbecile, Nikki.
Yes, Blake.
What do I pay you for?
you don't pay me.
Well, you don't.
Time, Nikki.
Broiled chicken
and white sauce.
Time for the lucky sauce pan.
There you go.
Rebecca Korda?
I mean,
you look just like her.
These aren't your glasses.
Here you go.
Yummy, yummy.
And for you.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, it's lovely.
Enjoy. Thanks.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
So what do we think?
Pretty good?
Are you all right?
What are you doing?
Oh, my gosh.
What are you doing?
Oh, no.
Can't get any worse.
Can't get any worse.
Two people are here
to see you.
What two people?
A county health inspector
and a child welfare officer.
Why are they here?
One wants to shut us down
and the other wants
to throw us in a foster home.
Oh, I got to stop saying
this can't get any worse.
Where are we?
Where are we? We--
Which one of you
is the county health inspector?
That would be me.
So you must be
the child welfare officer.
That would be me.
Watch a professional
show you
how to clear out
a restaurant, Nikki.
Match me.
Oh, come on.
It's not working.
Make it work.
But I--
Party of three.
I know, Gwyneth. I know.
Make way. Make way.
Make way.
Oh, yeah.
Mm-hm. Yeah. Some dump.
Just a bunch
of nobodies here.
And the food,
it's supposed to be lousy.
Good luck.
the size of cell phones.
Good evening, monsieur,
do you have reservation?
Yes, but I decided
to eat here anyway.
And your name?
Who am I?
You don't know who I am?
Excuse me.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a lost dog here...
who doesn't know his name.
Blake Rathbone.
Mr. Rathbone to you.
Your name does not appear
on our reservation list.
We can add you
to the waiting list.
Do not do that.
No smoking.
No cell phone either.
Well, what are you
going to do about it...
See this hand?
See this hand?
I am pulling out le book.
I am opening le book.
I am writing your name
in le book, Blake Rathbone.
I am shutting le book.
You are banned
from this restaurant.
Well, I never.
party of three?
Great, my good shirt.
What is going on?
Hot coffee.
Hot coffee.
Hot coffee.
Hot coffee. Hot--
And can I get
a honey mustard ginger sauce,
if that's not too much trouble
for the kitchen?
Oh, I'm sure
chef is up to it.
Here you go.
Thank you.
It's a little hot.
Thank you.
Here you go. And your
honey mustard ginger sauce.
Thank you.
Bon appetit.
Thank you very much.
I'll be right back, guys.
Friday at 9.
And what name, please?
What? Hey, miss.
My party's
already here. Hmm?
Hi, boys.
Sorry I'm late.
That's Doug's chair.
Who are you?
Who's Doug?
You're forgiven.
Dinner Special Number 4.
Is everything okay, sirs?
Couldn't be better.
Uh, excuse me.
You're in my chair.
I don't think so.
Guys, tell her
whose chair this is.
Guys, it's me.
Do you know a Doug?
I was only gone
to the wash room for a minute.
Is this gentleman with you?
Don't know the guy.
Never seen him before.
Complete stranger.
Guys. Guys. Guys.
This isn't funny.
They're kicking me out.
But I am Doug.
I want to thank you
for the best 30 seconds
of my entire life.
Well, but--
She was only here
for a short time.
It was worth it.
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, salmon.
Oh, shoot.
That was Gigi.
Gigi was here.
Oh, we're so dead.
All right.
We're out of here.
Holding up the wall?
Something like that.
Weren't you supposed
to go to that party tonight?
Weren't you?
Yeah. I had this thing
with my family.
So you really work here?
Yeah. Yeah.
It's my family's restaurant,
we get through the evening.
My dad's a matre d'.
My mom's a chef.
Oh, your mom's a chef.
That explains
those cool lunches.
My mom's is peanut butter
and jelly with banana.
Oh. You notice
what I have for lunch?
Yeah. It--
FATHER: Jason?
You know, I got to go.
Yeah. Well, it was...
it was nice talking to you.
Hope you enjoyed
your dinner.
Yeah. It was great.
Your mom's a great chef.
Come on, son.
Do you want to--
What? What?
Have lunch with me
Monday at school?
You do like peanut butter
and jelly?
Oh, why don't you
let me take care of it?
Your mother's cooking?
Or maybe my brother.
See you Monday?
Fine. Monday.
Ow, ow, ow!
Ow. Ow.
Oh, we normally don't allow
guests in the kitchen.
We're not guests.
I've had it.
No more half measures.
No more being nice
because you're children.
We are going to take
all the food.
We are going to take
all the pots and pans.
We are going to take
all the tables and chairs
and this salt shaker
and the kitchen mitt.
We're going to take
everything from the walls
and then we're going to
take the walls and the timer.
Please just don't take
my lucky saucepan.
Your lucky saucepan?
Why is it lucky?
Oh, well, see?
Ha! Missed me.
Nikki, help me.
Aah! Oh!
Quick, quick, quick.
It's your fault.
Get off me!
You're such a klutz.
It's not my fault.
Sam, I have an idea.
Those dithering nincompoops.
Those dastardly twerps.
Nikki, it's all your fault.
I hate you, Blake.
I really hate you.
What are you doing now,
Fixing the fuse box.
Well, shouldn't we
get a professional for this?
I am a professional.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Where have you two been?
What have you been doing?
Oh, this is going
to be so good.
What was that? Are you okay?
Of course I'm okay.
It's those children.
They won't be okay,
I'm going to kill them.
What's this doing here?
Gimme that.
Oh, wow. That's pretty.
That was so cool.
Oh, yeah.
We make
a great team.
Sorry about your party,
That's okay. There's
going to be other parties.
The grand opening of Spokes was
a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Or at least I hope it was.
Are you two crazy?
That was great.
People were nice to me.
People were scared of me.
People bribed me.
I'm working tomorrow.
Do you think
dad will get me a tux?
Uh, no.
Mom. Dad.
Oh, my gosh.
What happened to you guys?
Are you okay?
Yeah, we're fine.
Where's Henri and Babette?
You don't want to know.
Babette bailed.
Henri's sleeping off
a hangover.
What? What about
the restaurant?
We had to run it.
BOTH: You?
That was a great meal
and everything, but--
I'd like you
to meet our parents.
This is Marie Korda,
our chef,
and Patrick Korda,
our maitre d'.
Mom, Dad,
these are some nice people
from the County Health
and Child Welfare departments.
Whoa. Hello. Hi. Hi.
Nice to meet you, I think.
Oh, we must have missed you
when we first came in.
You must have.
Because, you know,
I was probably in the...
La Pretensione next door
looks awfully unhealthy
and unsafe.
You better go check that out
right about now.
Care to join me?
Okay. Well, thank you.
Good luck.
See you later.
The food was great.
Oh. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Go check that out now.
Oh. Whose idea was this?
It was mine.
But I joined in.
Me too.
It was our grand opening.
We were fully booked.
We know how much
this restaurant means.
We weren't going to
let anything come in the way
of its grand opening. Yeah.
Oh, well.
Ha. It could've been worse.
What? What? What?
Oh, Gigi Grant was here
to review the place.
Oh. Ohh.
I'm sorry, Dad, Mom.
What's a synonym for inept?
Incompetent, helpless,
hopeless, blundering.
And what's another word
for bad taste?
Inferior, rotten,
The Times
come yet?
Good morn...
Oh, good morning.
Oh. Oh.
Look at you.
What is this?
You guys.
That's so sweet.
I'm impressed. I think
I'm still dreaming, but...
I'm impressed.
Very good.
Ohh. Well.
This isn't our restaurant.
I mean, the name's right
and the address is the same,
but it's not our restaurant.
Roast Beast?
Soup Rebecca?
I-I don't think
we cook these things.
Well, uh, we, uh, did
last night.
Soup Rebecca.
So how did we do?
Three stars.
Ah! I'm so proud of you.
Oh, my God!
You're in a light
Shining bright
You made it
You're a star
No turning back
From where it's at
You made it
You're a star
You made it
You're a star
With a light
Shining bright
You made it
You're a star
No turning back
Is where it's at
You made it
You're a star