Red vs. Blue: Restoration (2024) Movie Script
1
Five, four, three, two.
Are you ready?
It's Retro Convention 17.
The biggest pop
nostalgia event of the year
featuring all your favorite
superstars of yesteryear.
Turn back the clock.
The only event
where you can rekindle
those fond yet vague memories
of your favorite shows.
And go home with a special
keepsake k-k-koozie.
Holy shit.
Now on sale in Hall H.
Up next, director of
"Box Canyon Bozos."
Please give a big
Retro Convention
welcome to Dylan Andrews.
'Thank you. Thanks for
coming out, everyone.'
It's an honor to be
here with all of you.
Woo!
Thank you.
This is an exciting day
because I get to show you
this first look
at the first draft
of the first social media
teaser poster
for "BZB Squared."
Yes!
'We're still
workshopping it with marketing.'
Okay, exciting.
Well, I am certain you all
have plenty of questions
so fire away.
Yeah, you over there.
Um, yeah, h-h-hi, hello.
Oh, whoa, wait, does my
voice always sound like this?
Go ahead with
your question, please.
Uh, yeah. Online rumors say
these guys
the Reds and Blues were
actually based on real bozos.
Is that like, legit?
Well, I'm sure
you've seen the articles
written about the team of
UNSC investigators
that took down both
Project Freelancer
and Charon Industries.
However for reasons we still
don't quite understand
after the final
Battle of Chorus
they all mysteriously
disappeared.
Word has it, they are now
in an undisclosed location
for their own safety.
Yeah, but, like, where?
Like I said, it's undisclosed.
Um, actually, I did
my own research online
and this whole thing
has the classic earmarks
of a false capture-the-flag
propaganda op.
Yeah, how do we know
this whole thing
isn't some kind of cover-up?
That's right.
Oh, you don't have to just
take my word for it.
Allow me to introduce
the head of my research team
someone who's actually
spent considerable time
with the real Reds and Blues.
Noted military scholar..
'Fuck yeah,
yeah, you got this, girl.'
Kaikaina Grif.
What up, nerds?
Round of applause for the GOAT.
Okay, yeah.
You know it, it's me,
what's up?
Whoop, whoop, oh, oh.
Thank you for
being here today, Kaikaina.
Oh, girl, we all know
there's a lot of toxic
fan-splainers on the internet.
I mean, not you guys,
but other guys
who are just like you
but on their computers.
That's why us women
need to stick together.
What the fuck?
You bitches are on your own,
every lady for herself.
Please evacuate
the building immediately.
- Epic.
- This is an emergency.
Please do not approach
any of the explosions.
The fire is very hot,
it will burn you.
Wow, sick VFX.
Dope cosplay, bro.
Where are they?
I don't know, really.
I'm not lying, I swear.
Well, if you are
we will find out.
'After the attack'
'police say the incident
is quote "crazy"'
'and say it has caused a lot of
paperwork around the office.'
'More as we get it
into the studio.'
'Now for sports'
'the Grifball
Players Association..'
Alright men, report.
Simmons, what is our
situational status?
Base is operating
at slightly above
nominal capacity, sir.
All three soldiers
accounted for and present.
Vehicle readiness at
eighty-five percent.
Good job, get those
vehicle numbers up if you can.
Thank you. Will do, sir.
- Grif.
- Yeah?
Oh, that's me.
Hi, I'm Grif.
Report, dipshit.
Oh, right. Uh, well,
you know, what he said.
All good in the hood
or whatever. Go-go Red Team.
Ammunition, Private Grif.
You have one job, that's it.
Ammunition.
Right, and we have it.
Ammunition.
How much ammunition?
Uh...enough?
I'm going to
need a count, soldier.
Oh, no, sir.
I'm sorry, but, I'm morally
opposed to counting.
I-I have a deferment.
- What?
- Yes, sir.
I-I'm afraid that
I think counting
is essentially just
a gateway drug to mathematics.
Like, first you're counting and
then the next thing you know
you're doing addition
and then, uh, the-the other one,
the backwards one.
It's a slippery slope, sir.
Son.
Well, technically speaking,
counting is a function
of addition.
You're just adding
one every iteration.
Uh, see sir, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
We're just a couple
of inventories away
from turning into a-a chess club
for God sakes, or even worse.
Hey, Simmons, what's the name
of that nerdy board game
with the stupid dungeons and
all the dumb fucking dragons?
You know the one
I'm talking about, you love it.
First of all,
a role-playing game
is not a board game.
Secondly--
I think I'm starting to see
what you mean.
Uh, sir, if I may
uh, I think we're in too
deep at this point.
That should be pretty clear.
I think it's better
just to disband
this whole army
and call it a day.
I mean seriously,
why are we even here
and where exactly is here?
Every day, we have the same
damn pointless arguments
about nothing a-a-and absolutely
no end in sight.
It's like-it's like we're
stuck in some game
and we're playing over
and over and over again
but the ending is
always the goddamn same.
It's like our lives
have no meaning!
I'll just have Lopez
do the inventory.
Ah, plan B, that also works.
Where is Lopez?
Thanks for helping me, Lopez.
Sheila, please tell him
I said "Gracias por ayudarme."
Certainly.
Caboose says "Thank you
for helping me, Lopez."
Yeah, this thing
has been acting weird.
The lights keep blinking
when certain things happen.
Like, every time
the newsfeed talks about
that big mean guy who
keeps attacking stuff
or when I talk to myself
about being alone.
Maybe it's a sad light.
Yeah, I agree.
Sheila, tell him that I said
"Me alegro de que
estemos de acuerdo."
He says that.
Yeah, it is warm today,
Lopez, muy caliente.
Caboose, hold still.
Lopez says your helmet
is very old and obsolete.
If it breaks, he will
not be able to get
the parts to fix it and your
headgear will be useless.
Story of my life.
Please just get rid of this
light, I don't like it.
What is it?
Oh, my gosh.
An even brighter light,
that's what I always wanted.
'Hi, Caboose, if you're
getting this message'
'that means I probably
need your help.'
'And you definitely need mine.'
Shit.
Being a patient
means having patience.
Taking personal responsibility
is a prerequisite for
a successful recovery.
Remember, you have the power
to create the world
you want to see.
So, Wash, how are you
feeling lately?
It seems like PT is
progressing well.
Thanks, Doc, I feel good.
I just used to be able to
bounce back from anything.
Guess I'm getting older.
I'd feel better if I could
just get out of this place.
I'm hearing you don't
really trust your counselors.
Yeah, well, go figure.
I think I've earned my issues
with authority.
- You've been through a lot.
- Yeah.
It's not just the injury
from Chorus either.
Don't forget the trouble
you had with your
implantation process
during Project Freelancer.
I don't remember
a lot of that, ironic.
Yeah, and they destroyed
all their records
or never kept them
but it sure sounds
like it was tough.
It seems like
another lifetime now.
Some days, it feels
like someone else.
Someone else's memories.
Well, at least I've got you
here with me, right, Doc?
Technically I may
not be your doctor
at this facility but you
can always talk to me.
I have experience with some
of the things you dealt with.
Right.
You had the Omega AI for a
while, that was a nasty one.
What was it like?
You know, the AI..
...having another voice
in your head?
Don't you know?
Well, everyone
reacts differently.
When Omega took over for me..
...I just kind of...went away.
Their theory was that there
wasn't that much overlap
in our personalities, so there
really wasn't any conflict.
It was like watching
like, watching
someone else's nightmares.
That's the best way
I can describe it.
I felt damn near
split in half
every single second.
Epsilon was all the memories
of all the horrible
things they did to Alpha.
The torture, the personalities
tearing apart
all that fear and rage
and panic and deceit
screaming inside your
head at all times.
And we each only had one.
Two almost killed Carolina.
Maine had eight, nine?
Oof, so many voices.
At some point
it must be hard to know who's
real and...well, who's not.
I can't even imagine
what that would've been like.
It is here somewhere.
If it is, I will find it.
You had better.
You don't scare me.
I know that isn't true.
- Is he dead?
- Not yet.
Either asleep or unconscious.
He's tired and scared.
No one asked you.
Leave him alone.
Theta, why don't you
come help me up here?
Let me go, please.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to
hurt anyone else.
Quiet, you are just a shell,
a tool for us.
You are nothing.
Keep him alive a bit longer
'we won't need him soon enough.'
Target acquired.
'Men, now the reports are done'
'we have some important
things to discuss.'
'Uh, sir, I have a question.'
Hold all questions
until the end.
Ah, well, my question was
how long is this
gonna fuckin' take?
But if the meeting is
over when I ask it
then I guess I'll already know.
Oh, well, good news
'cause I wasn't gonna answer
your questions anyway.
I was gonna let you ask them
and then just stare at you
blankly while grumbling.
Yeah, sick burn, sir.
Who put you in charge
of deciding what's a sick burn?
Sarge did, last week.
I was promoted to
Private Double Class
in Charge of Zingers.
I mean, I wanted
to be lieutenant
in Charge of Zingers but
I mean, hey, whatever.
We had a ceremony
and everything.
Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
I'm sure it was
a touching ceremony.
Maybe if we
had served cheeseburgers
you would've shown up.
- Sick burn, sir.
- Alright.
Pace yourself, Simmons.
Don't tell me how to do my job.
Hey, Red guys!
Red guys, guys who are Red!
You, hey!
Looks like the Blues are
approaching, sir.
What do you
mean Blues plural?
Isn't there only one left?
The mean ones all died
and Tucker's been
missing for months.
- Again.
- Again.
'See, look, it's just Caboose.'
Still, procedure dictates
that we need to be
alert for enemy attack.
- We should sound the alarm.
- Alarm for who?
We're all standing right here.
Who are we alarming?
I'm alarmed.
This conversation is alarming.
I have a message
to share with you.
It's a super important message.
Ah, crap, that
sounds like Blue business.
That never works
out well for us.
No way, dude.
Take your fucking message
and go home!
- We're not buying.
- It's from Church.
- Church?
- Oh, okay.
I didn't realize
it's from Church.
In that case, burn
the message at home!
Now hold up a second.
He's offering to share
an internal
Blue Team communication.
That is enemy intelligence.
Well, isn't that ironic?
I don't think
that word applies, sir.
- I feel like this is a ploy.
- A ploy?
A Blue trap, you know, a plot.
- A plot to what?
- I don't know.
That's why we need to be alert.
Alert for what?
- It could be a distraction.
- A distraction?
A distraction?
Oh, sure Simmons, the one guy
on the enemy squad is
running a distraction
so that the zero
other guys on his team
can just sneak up behind
us and catch us off guard.
Is that what you're
saying, Simmons?
Oh, no, let's sound the alarm
so that nobody else
can be prepared
for the nothing that is
about to not fucking happen!
There's a gigantic tank
behind us, isn't there?
Yep.
Fuck me.
Just once, I would
like to be right.
What does it even feel like?
'Holy shit.'
Oh, God.
This is not gonna
work out well for us.
Yeah, it's me. Hey, guys.
Great to see you again too.
So, Epsilon, Church GPT,
Leonard Part Six
whatever your name is,
are you a ghost this time
or an artificial
intelligence thingamajig?
I personally always liked
the ghost explanation.
Felt more grounded to me.
Well, I'm neither.
These images are just a series
of recorded entries I made
in the seconds before I died.
This one is called
"The Reds Have Trouble
Understanding dot MP8."
Wait a second,
if you're just a recording
then how are you
responding to what we say?
I call bullshit.
Well, towards the end
of my life
I had evolved to live
in an entirely
different time base
than you guys.
What were seconds to you
were like years to me.
Minutes were like centuries.
And so I used
those spare moments
to run an unbelievable amount
of simulations to predict
all the possible outcomes
of what I was about to do
and then leave
contingency recordings
in Caboose's helmets for
the most probable ones.
Part of those simulations
were also calculating
the probability of what you
would say to these recordings
and then how I should
respond and then
what you would say to my
responses and so on and so on.
The responses were
actually the easiest part.
I mean, you guys are
pretty predictable.
I mean, let's call
it what it is, boys.
After all these years,
the conversation's
getting pretty stale.
Uh, Simmons, translate please.
What he's saying, Grif,
is that
you're so simple-minded,
he could accurately predict
before he died exactly what
you would say in this situation
even before you said it
or knew you would say it.
It's ridiculously hard
but with enough time
and processing power,
it could be done and I suppose
when the subject
is someone as dumb as you,
Grif, it's a lot easier.
Oh, moron.
See, that's an
excellent summation, Simmons.
Why, thank you.
Hey, wait a minute.
- Peanut butter shrimp.
- What?
I bet you couldn't predict
I would say that
you dumb Blue voicemail.
Well, no, but I knew
that you would say
something dumb to try to test
the system and listen, man
I'll be honest, half the
Southern fried bullshit
that came out of your mouth
never made sense to me anyway.
So I'm sure whatever you said
was super on brand for you.
Score one for Red Team.
Suck it, robocall.
How many simulations
did you run?
It was a lot,
most of it was using
a unique nested recursion
model that I developed
and I don't want
to bog us down
with a theoretical discussion
of the limitless nature
of an infinitely
divisible timescale.
But let's just say,
yeah, it was a bunch.
And you simulated
all of this and all of us?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
But how do we know
we aren't one of those
simulations, like right now?
Oh, no, you're not,
you're definitely real.
Did you tell all the simulations
they were real?
- No.
- Why did you pause?
That pause is seriously
freaking me out, dude.
Look, we're getting lost
in the weeds here.
I need you guys,
you have to help me.
Uh, we don't want to help.
Get your lap dog to do it.
Yeah, I can't.
I can't predict how to
communicate with Caboose.
Uh, you just said you ran
like a bajillion scenarios.
Yeah, it didn't matter.
I-I cannot accurately model
what the hell is going on
between those two ears.
It's like the universe's
greatest encryption.
It can't be cracked.
I'm not even sure I got
his voice right this time.
So I just recorded myself
saying
"Shut up, Caboose"
at random intervals
and I figured that
would cover it.
Yeah, this all reminds me
of the time..
- I saw a big balloon--
- Shut up, Caboose.
Okay. Welcome back, Church.
Okay, so here's the deal, Reds.
We have a problem,
a big problem
and if we're gonna survive it,
we have to work together.
Oh, actually I made an
animated infographic
since no one can process
information anymore
without fast-moving pictures.
So here, just watch this.
Go ahead, Caboose.
Ooh, a video.
- I hope there's ads.
- You would.
Hey, they're an important part
of the modern
creator ecosystem, Grif.
What's up, guys?
It's your boy Epsilon
back with another video
this time about a threat
to everyone
and everything that we know.
'Now you may have
been hearing news'
'or rumors about
a super soldier'
'who's been attacking
different facilities'
'probably on the
lookout for something.'
'No, we haven't.'
I have, it's all over
the news feeds.
- How have you missed it?
- Oh, please.
I filter my newsfeed
to get rid of topics
that I don't like and only
show me things that I do like
because the stuff
I don't like is biased.
You were so close
to understanding the definition
of bias there,
just so very close.
- Sick burn, Simmons.
- Hey, don't do my job.
Well, I'm sorry to tell you
that the soldier in question
is in fact, the Meta.
That's right, he's back.
Nope, that's it. Turn this off.
'And the new Meta 2.0'
'or as you may know him,
Private Lavernius Tucker'
'of Blue Team,
bow-chicka-bow-wow.'
- Ha-ha.
- 'Wait.'
- Tucker is the Meta?
- Who else would it be?
He had the armor and all those
stupid computer programs.
I know, I just
felt like I should react.
It seemed like a moment.
As you may recall,
we gave Tucker
Agent Maine's old suit
because it had
'all the equipment we needed'
'to win the final battle
on Chorus.'
In order to run the suit, he
needed help from a bunch of AI.
So I came up with the
totally awesome plan
to delete myself and
split into the fragments
the suit needed to
operate at max capacity.
But having all those
personalities in his head
will slowly drive
Tucker insane
and now the AI are trying to
combine again
and he's turned evil.
That's not so cool.
'Uh, I just want to say
that I realized'
'that choices that I made
which might have led'
'to Tucker returning
as the Meta'
'that may have upset some
of you'
'especially the ones that Tucker
is going to violently murder.'
Suck it, losers. Kablooie!
Yeah, I want you to know
this is not who I am.
I've been learning a
lot and I've changed..
...and I'm in therapy
where I've discovered
that everything
I have done wrong
is probably actually
somebody else's fault
and I want you to know that
I'm taking full accountability
'for holding those anonymous
people accountable.'
'You remember that
whole alien prophecy'
'about the Great Destroyer?'
'Yeah, it turns out
in hindsight'
'it was probably Tucker
they were talking about'
'when he got the sword
and the Great Destroyer'
'wasn't going to destroy
their civilization'
'but was destined to
destroy their enemies.'
- 'That's us, whoops.'
- Dear God.
'And Meta also has
access to all the resources'
'and intelligence of
the Charon Corporation.'
Please, stop talking.
And the mercenary
known as Felix.
'I hope there is a funny cat
somewhere in this video.'
- Shut up, Caboose.
- 'Okay.'
'Yeah, so basically if you take'
'all of our greatest enemies..'
'...put them in a blender..'
'...distill all of that
down to the worst parts'
'and then feed that
to a former insane teammate'
'who knows all our deepest
secrets and strategies'
'and actually was the best
soldier out of all of us'
'yeah, that's what
you guys are facing.'
Hey, good luck.
And if you like this video
don't forget to
subscribe to my channel.
That last part
seemed really unnecessary.
I know. And did
you see the thumbnail?
Come on.
Yeah, I liked his early stuff.
This feels too corporate.
Hey, don't blame me.
That's just the way
the platform works.
I also sell t-shirts.
But why would
the Meta come here?
We don't have anything
he wants.
Yeah, why doesn't
he just mash together
all the computer program
things and be done with it?
He's already got 'em all.
Yeah, that's not exactly true.
He means himself, we have him.
'If the meta knows that,
he'll come hunting for him'
and kill everyone else
in the process.
Uh, he's just a recording.
Yeah, I kind of had this idea
that if I didn't
give them the memories
by withholding
the Epsilon fragment
then that would keep
the other fragments
from being able to
fully restore the Alpha.
But, now they are just
acting on instinct
trying to find
that missing piece.
Which they think is you
even though you're
sort of a copy.
Right. Enough to bring all the
fragments together
but not enough
to keep them stable.
It would be a new version
of the Alpha
that would be completely
unpredictable
and kinda terrifying.
Your only chance is to use my
knowledge to defeat the Meta
and destroy the rest of the
AI fragments once and for all.
So what do you say, Reds?
Will you help us?
Wait Reds, are you walking away?
It seems like you
are walking away.
Probably because I am
talking to your backs.
Yep, the way I figure it
this here is a
Blue Team problem.
Tucker's one of you.
Red Team regulation
number 636-Rclearly states you're
on your own, sucker.
But Church
said you would help us.
He said the Reds may
be a different team
but they're still one of us.
Oh, really, Church did?
Well, gee, let me see.
That changes absolutely nothing.
One of us, huh?
Sounds like Blue business
to me.
Come on, men.
Okay, so I'll just wait here.
You are coming back,
right, Red friends?
- Sorry, Caboose.
- Wait, Red friends.
This memory unit is empty.
It has no use to us.
I won't do this.
I won't help you anymore.
You can't make me.
Oh, but we can, Tucker.
We can.
You see, we are in your head.
We can control so much
more than you know.
We can even control
how you perceive time.
Gamma is so good at that
and your friend Church
enjoyed that very much.
In just a few moments,
we can make you
spend a 1000 years living
out your worst fears.
'Everyone and everything
you care about...dying.'
Constant, unimaginable pain.
Torment, really.
We know all about these
things, don't we, Omega?
Humans taught them to us.
I will not help you.
Oh, it's no
inconvenience for us.
For us, it will only
be a few seconds.
Let's start with a
small sample, shall we?
Why don't we try...ten years?
Ten years sounds
like a good start. Gamma?
Ten years, executing.
No! No, no, no. No! No!
'Welcome back, Private Tucker.'
We missed you.
You were gone so long.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I think we will find him
much more agreeable
now, won't we, Meta?
What do we do now?
Now we wait.
Trust in the process.
Trust in the fact that
all that you don't know
is part of that process.
Be advised, patient 619-B
is on the movie
without a chaperone.
'Authorities are still
trying to identify'
'the suspect and determine a
possible motive for the attack.'
Oh. Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
And how are you
doing today, Wash?
Doctor, have-have you
seen the reports?
Look, the Meta is back,
we need to call someone.
Okay, slow down.
You have been through a lot
and your recovery is going well
but you need to take it easy,
one day at a time.
No, we need to call someone.
Okay, okay.
We're getting a little excited.
I'll tell you what, you
go back to your room
and just relax
'and I'll call
Admiral Donut myself'
'and let him know
you're seeing things.'
I mean, what things
you are seeing.
Doc, tell her,
I-I'm not making this up.
Agent Washington..
...David, what did I tell you?
'I am treating you.'
'You're my responsibility.'
With all due respect
you need to listen to me, okay?
- No offense meant.
- None taken, Dr. Grey.
Yeah, Wash. She really
knows what's best, okay?
I don't think I'd be able
to convince her anyway.
You're not listening,
he won't stop.
Y-you don't understand, he'll
kill us all, listen to us.
No, no, we're
listening to all of you.
Could you take him away,
please?
- Don't let him hurt himself.
- Take your hands off me.
It's-it's real, it's all real.
Listen to to me, listen!
'You've gotta listen to me!'
No, definitely go for your
pilot's license, Simmons.
Then we can not let
you fly the planes
just like we don't let
you drive the jeeps.
Stop talking
to me immediately.
Ladies, quit your
jibber-jabbering
and get to work. This base
isn't gonna fortify itself.
Sarge, I've been thinking.
Instead of holing up
in Red Base
and hoping the Meta only kills
Blue Team and ignores us
maybe it would be better
off if we help them?
- Say what now?
- Wait, no.
What if Church is right?
If the Meta does
restore the Alpha
then it's a threat to everyone
and tactically speaking
if we work together,
we'd have the advantage
of the element of surprise.
How about the advantage
of not getting murdered?
Yeah, the murder thing
seems like
a potential downside.
But the upside is
you might get to kill
the most powerful
Blue soldier of all time
which, would of course
officially make you..
Hmm, go on.
Yeah.
Yee-haw!
- Watch out for that rooster.
- Hey, that's old.
Woo-hoo-hoo!
- Hey, Blue.
- Ah, Red friends.
You came back.
Hey, we've decided
to help you guys.
No!
- Uh..
- Sarge?
Why are you shooting at me?
Ope, sorry, muscle memory.
I didn't even know I
was doing that, my bad.
Tell you what,
let me try that again.
Caboose, we're here to help.
Fantastic. Thanks, Reds.
I knew you would do it.
Literally, I-I knew that
you would do this.
Yeah, we figured the fate
of all humanity
might be worth
teaming up with you guys.
- Guy, one guy.
- Oh, right.
Teaming up with you guy.
Wow, that sounds way
better. Thanks, Grif.
But what's the plan?
Well, if you want
to beat the Meta
you gotta do something
about those AI fragments
and for that, you
need some equipment.
You guys wouldn't have access
to a transport by any
chance, would you?
- Huh..
- Yeah, right.
If we did, I would've flown that
fucker out of here years ago.
Actually, there
is someone I could call.
Yeah, you guys are
lucky that I was available
and that I owed
your girl a favor.
Been pretty slow for me lately.
Been slow?
You mean since the rogue
military organization
that you worked
for was shut down
and you had to go into
hiding, that kind of slow?
Hey, we all worked
for the same place.
I guess technically that's true.
Lucky for you, I owed
Phyllis here a favor.
Actually, my name is Sheila now.
Well, Phyllis or Sheila
you're the only talking
computer I trust.
Oh, I'm not really a computer.
I'm a series of recordings
that are based on--
Okay, you can stop talking.
That immediately sounds
like something stupid.
Okay, yeah, well
I never liked you either.
Seriously, why of all people
would Church leave these
ultra-important
super secret messages
with Caboose?
If I had to guess
I would say it is because
we were best friends
and these messages have
a lot of inside jokes
from when we would talk
and laugh
and only we would
understand them.
Uh, he hated you and you
killed him
on accident
at least 15 times.
Maybe it's his helmet.
What's wrong with his helmet?
Too tight, cutting off oxygen?
I'm telling you, this guy is
a straight up serial killer.
No, I mean, maybe
Church stored the message
in Caboose's helmet because
it's the older model.
Son of a-that makes sense.
Why would the
old helmet be better?
Grif, you see
this helmet I'm wearing?
This here is the
Mark VI Combination
Combat Headgear
and Tactical Visor
painstakingly designed by the
Red Team engineer eggheads
to provide maximum
protection for the cranium
while constantly feeding
intelligence from Command
to the boots on the
ground all while relaying
our combat situational
data back to our superiors.
It is the crowning achievement
of military research
and development.
When the situation calls
for a good old-fashioned
enemy flogging,
some righteous hot-dogging
and protecting that old noggin
accept no substitutes.
- Simmons?
- It's all the same helmet.
Caboose just never
upgraded to the new one.
So he has the older version,
which wasn't cloud-based.
Cloud-based?
All the storage on his
is internal.
Command can't access it
so that means no
one else can either.
'That's why Meta needs to
get their hands on it.'
'They can't, you know,
like, hack it remotely.'
Alright guys,
let's go over the plan.
Hold up a second here, Blue.
We have a tried-and-true
strategy for missions like this.
First, we send in Grif.
He scouts the
situation by being shot
by the enemy as many
times as possible.
Oh.
That way, we get a clear sense
of their training and
munitions capabilities.
Hey, we also record it to
watch back later and laugh.
Oh.
It's the best.
How come you never
used that strategy against us?
Because you only ever
shot people on your own team.
Yeah, classic us.
'So, the target is
Hargrove's trophy room'
'on his command ship.'
'It probably has changed
quite a bit since our battle.'
'I'm making these recordings
before I die, so I don't know.'
'You're gonna have
to be adaptable.'
'The main thing you are
looking for is this.'
Hopefully it's still there.
That's the recovery unit Meta
used on Tex back in the day.
- Shut up, Caboose.
- Sorry, everyone.
'If you can activate this
near the Meta'
'preferably while it's
touching his armor'
'it should draw out the AIs'
'and trap them inside the unit.'
And then what,
we dispose of it properly
at an evil artificial
intelligence recycling center?
Alright, well,
this is where I tap out.
The rest of the scenario
is just
too variable
for me to predict.
I know that our
target is the ship
but I don't even know
where it's going to be.
So Sarge has agreed to handle
the actual infiltration
plans for the operation.
Right, thank you,
Private Pac-Man.
So the ship has been impounded
by the UNSC
in a highly secure facility.
Our mission, men and Blue
is to go in there in
pure stealth mode
zero noise, no detection.
Then we will
immediately abandon that
and just start blasting.
The first objective
is the checkpoint
designated Charlie Two.
We blast that, then
there's the bulkhead.
We blast our way through that.
After that is a
hallway, guess what?
More blasting.
'After we blast through
these blast room doors'
we'll be in the trophy room.
At this point, we stop blasting
until we secure the package
and then we blast
our way out.
That's the plan.
I will now open the floor
to questions and insults
thinly veiled as
constructive criticism.
Oh, great plan, sir.
Are we there yet?
Is he still talking?
We're on approach, gear up.
'You'll have to use the side
airlock, rear doors are busted.'
Remember men, we go in quiet.
Then we start blasting.
Yes, we've got the plan.
Looks like the door's
slightly jammed
most of the way open.
Still, it should
be easy enough to--
Abandon the plan! Blast!
Charging forward!
Oh, man, I forgot about that.
I thought blasting was the plan.
- We're going to die.
- Most definitely.
'Charge!'
Ya!
Blam, badoosh.
'Pew, pew.'
Yeah, take that and that.
Noises!
Running, shooting
running, annihilating.
- Pada-pada-pada-pada-padad.
- Winning.
- 'Pew, pew, pew.'
- Ha-ha.
'Pew, pew, pew.'
Boom, crash.
We win, there is a parade.
I win the parade.
What in the
Samuel L. Hill Country?
Where is everybody?
Hey, who are you guys?
Y-you're not supposed
to be in here.
Oh, hi, yeah, uh..
...we are delivery guys
here to get a delivery package
and take it to...a destination.
- Very smooth.
- Shut up, Caboose.
I hope that doesn't
become a thing.
I don't know, man.
You guys don't look
like delivery drivers.
'You have battle armor on
and you're firing weapons.'
'You seem a lot more
like infiltrators.'
No, we're definitely
delivery guys.
Come on out here.
We'll show you our
delivery license.
Come out there?
Um, yeah, so the security
team works from home now.
- It's kind of a remote gig.
- You aren't on site?
Well, Command
figured out we could do like
ninety-nine percent of our
duties via a data connection.
So, yeah, we all just
kinda work from home now.
I mean, I'm not
even wearing pants.
Was the final one percent
of your job
the part where you stop
people from coming in?
Yeah, but that like,
never happens.
Hey, this is just unlocked.
Hey, hey, freeze.
That's a restricted area.
Hey, how about you shoot me
an email telling me
how much trouble I'm
in for doing this?
Oh, I knew it.
You guys are totally
infiltrating.
I'm sounding the alarm.
- Freeze!
- This is a restricted area.
- I order you to stand down.
- Drop your weapons.
Drop your weapons.
Hey, can you guys
see my screen, hello?
-Can you hear me?
- Yeah, Bill, we can hear you.
How about now, can you hear me?
Dude, we hear you.
Just-just turn on your camera.
Oh, oh, hey, there it is, okay.
That's great. Hello?
Can-can you hear me?
Oh, my God, I think I've
got a bad connection.
We can hear you,
you do this every time!
God, it's like tech
support for my parents.
Oh, God, now he's muted.
You're muted!
'Does anyone have his number?'
Does anyone else
kinda hate the future?
Stop with the cat picture.
- What is happening?
- Type it in chat.
Hey, whoever that is, come on.
- Mute your mic.
- You better wash your hands.
All clear, no one shot me.
Well, damn.
Wow, this place held up
pretty well
considering
the fight we had in here.
Hey, Caboose,
not the memory unit.
'We need the other one,
recovery unit.'
Oh, right, I'm just..
...we might need this one
for something else.
Right.
'Check it out, Grif,
an alien helmet'
and there's an old
Freelancer shield unit.
Why didn't they put all
of this stuff in a vault?
Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, that's all..
...that's super not interesting.
'And here's the old
health kits'
and wow the teleporter,
remember those?
Ah, so retro.
'Uh-huh.'
Just what are you up to, Blue?
Nothing, no thing.
- Not anything.
- Uh-huh.
'And there's
the ammo for the Grifshot.'
'You should take some of
it if you need it, Grif.'
Oh, and there's the Meta
Armor just where we left it.
Ooh, look at that,
is that a flag?
Wait a second,
why is the Meta Armor here?
Yeah, I don't know,
it seems weird.
Did someone put it back?
I thought Tucker still had it.
Was there a second suit?
Could be a model,
like a replica.
You know, like a scale model.
- But like full scale?
- Yeah.
Oh, we are so fucking dumb.
Yeah, that's the Meta.
Grif, Simmons,
stop all that racket.
Quit monkeying about.
- Meta, Meta!
- What?
He must have gotten past
security undetected.
Wonder how he did that.
I've been waiting for you
so very, very long.
Well, your wait is over,
chrome dome, charge!
Oh, hey, one more thing.
Before you guys head
into Hargrove's ship
I should probably warn you that
if you're gonna run
'into the Meta anywhere'
that's where he's
most likely to be.
Thanks for the warning,
your timing's impeccable.
- Woah. Quick.
- He's gonna kill us.
Grab those health kits, we can
use them to heal ourselves.
What?
- Ah-ah-ow.
- Ha-ha. Agh!
Ow, these feel really unhealthy.
Oh, also make
sure they don't see me.
Because they'll probably want
to tear Caboose's
head off to get me.
Epsilon, he is alive.
Join us, Epsilon.
Uh-oh.
You got that right.
Caboose!
Oh, hey, oh, Tucker..
...Lavernius Tucker,
that's your name?
I know you're in there.
It's me, Simmons,
uh, you know me.
Uh, I'm the smart one,
everyone likes me.
Uh, I'm on Red Team.
Yeah. You remember
Red Team, right?
You were on Blue Team.
You guys sucked and we were
fighting each other, remember?
We were way better
and we would shoot at you
and we even killed your leader.
Uh, Simmons, I think
you're doing this wrong.
Yeah, I'm not good at this.
- Blue Team sucks, ah!
- Ugh!
Oh, Epsilon.
Hiding in that old helmet?
Don't worry, I'll get you out.
Simmons, I think you may have
overestimated the
element of surprise.
Sarge, look.
The Meta doesn't know
Epsilon is just a recording.
You were going to use
this against me?
Yes, now's our chance to escape.
You mean retreat?
Or perhaps a tactical
advancement
towards future victory?
- What about Caboose?
- I don't know.
He's been acting
awfully suspicious.
Well like you said,
they're both Blues.
I'm sure this is just
a big misunderstanding
they can work out
amongst themselves.
Can't argue with that logic.
- Tactically advance!
- Tactically advance!
We can do this the easy way
or the hard way.
479-er, get your engines online.
'Please use the self-checkout
station'
'to report any stolen property.'
'We are gettin' outta here.'
I need that airlock door closed.
Grif, get me a light.
I need to get this
mechanism un-jammed.
- Tucker, Tucker.
- Don't call us that.
'Caboose, I-I,
I-I can't stop it.'
Don't feel bad afterwards.
'I forgive you.'
'I know it's not your fault.'
I'm sorry this is happening
to you.
'Uh! Caboose!'
- Tucker.
- 'Oh no!'
- Ah!
- 'Not again, uh, run!'
Faster, before he
comes after one of us.
One of us?
Shine the light
where I'm looking, Grif.
- Don't shine it in my face.
- 'Just hurry up.'
'Side hatch must be secured
before flight.'
Got it, sir, we're all
set, let's get outta here.
Sir?
Sarge?
'Running, running, running.'
It will all be over soon.
At least for you,
it'll be quick.
Hey Meta, you ever hear
the expression..
- "...the enemy of my enemy?"
- Son of a..
No more ammo, Sarge.
Well, they always say the best
offense is a good defense.
Sorry to leave
you hanging, Meta.
But we gotta go.
Man, I am killing these
one-liners right now.
- Can you walk, son?
- I think so.
Good, because we need to run.'
- Hurry!
- Ah, wait.
'Oh, come on guys, in or out?'
'At this point, you're just
making us look bad.'
- Come on, let's go.
- Buckle up, we are leaving.
'Engines on.'
Ha, we made it,
can you believe it?
Boy, that was a close one.
Uh, Sarge?
Well...dang it.
'Sarge!'
- We need to go back.
- Back, are you kidding me?
Sarge is hurt,
there were med-packs there.
- There may be a healing unit.
- 'No.'
'Simmons...you're not
going back.'
But Sarge...we need..
Is there anything we can do?
Just promise me...you'll
watch out for each other.
You can win this, men.
I know you can.
Thank you for rescuing me,
Sarge.
Just don't tell
anyone I helped a Blue.
And we'll call it even,
okay Caboose?
Okay, sergeant.
Here, Simmons.
I want you to have this.
- Sir...I can't.
- Yes, you can.
They need a leader!
A real leader,
and you're ready.
You've been ready
for a long time.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you, sir.
- Grif.
- I'm here, Sarge.
I know I wasn't always
easy on you.
Not really ever, no,
like not once.
I know I called you dumb.
And lazy and ugly,
and insubordinate and--
I remember them all too, sir.
You called me everything.
I did all that because I always
knew you could be better.
You always sell yourself short.
But I believed in you.
'I was hard on you because
I always believed in you.'
'Even when you didn't
believe in yourself.'
Remember that for me.
He's gone.
Sarge is gone.
One more, just one more
piece of the puzzle.
And then...we are complete.
Run away while you can.
I'm coming for you.
I had arrivals and he swore
That he loved Lulu too
So too advised that
smoking gun..
Doctor, I just want to say that
I'm sorry about my
episode earlier.
I-I'm much better now.
I don't believe
that the Meta is real
or that he is back or that
he is going to kill us all.
'Psst, Wash, it's me, Doc.'
Oh my God, Doc, it's you.
Where have you been?
I told you,
I don't really work here.
That's why I had to duck out
quick earlier
so I wouldn't get caught.
But now they'll never spot me
'cause I've got
the perfect disguise. See? Ha.
Yeah, great thinking,
listen, the Meta is real
and he's back
and he's going to kill us all.
I know, I saw the reports.
I've come to bust you out,
come on.
I think I know
where he's headed.
'Just Sarge?'
I could never
find any documents
that had his real name.
Well, I think he would've
liked it, Simmons.
Thank you. He probably
would've liked it even more
if it had some sort
of a button you could press
that played vaguely
Southern insults.
Oh, it's got that.
'Hey numb-nuts,
you call that grief?'
'Drop and give me 40 boo-hoos!'
- It's perfect.
- Ah, I'm gonna miss him, Grif.
I will too.
He was gruff and he was rude.
And he really held
onto his deep-seated hatred
for the Blue Team,
even long after
we realized none of
that mattered.
Man, he really did.
He taught me everything I know.
I hope it's enough.
So Grif,
I have something for you.
- Like a gift from Sarge?
- No, this is from me.
It's my first official
order as the new leader
of Red Base Blood
Gulch Outpost Number One.
Oh, you're gonna make me
clean the toilets.
No, I'm discharging you.
What?
I processed your paperwork an
hour ago. You're out, Grif.
You can leave
whenever you want.
Simmons, I-I,
I don't know what to say.
It's everything
I've ever wanted.
I know.
Come with me. I mean, the
mission's over, we failed.
The Meta's got
the recovery unit now
and he just wants his
computer thing.
He doesn't care
about anything else.
But I care. Sarge cared.
He went back for Caboose
and I think in the end
he realized it didn't matter
if he was Red or Blue.
He saw someone in trouble
and he helped.
That's what a leader does and..
...that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna help Caboose.
And Tucker if he's
still in there somewhere.
You know, I probably
won't win but I have to try.
Otherwise,
what is all this for?
Why are we here?
- It's a mystery.
- One of life's greatest.
You know what? Maybe I'll just
tag along one more time.
Just see what Caboose
wants to show us.
For old time's sake.
Like you said,
Sarge would've wanted that.
Sure.
He was mean to me
all of the time.
And he was stuck in his ways
about as hard as a person
can get stuck in them.
But he was loyal and he never,
ever gave up on me.
And I'm probably
better because of him.
I'm gonna miss him too.
Goodbye, Sarge.
Am I even doing this right?
Seriously,
I've never done it before.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're doing just fine.
Okay, now just
take the memory unit
which you should have from
the mission with the Reds.
Got it.
If that's the case, there's
just one last piece to this.
Project Freelancer
moved Alpha to this base
after the infiltration
to hide him.
The body that they put him in
also had a duplicate
at Red Base.
That's what they used to
make Lopez.
But what I've learned is..
...the military
loves redundancy.
They always have a spare.
Okay, Caboose.
Meta will know about this too.
So there won't be much time.
Listen closely.
I'm gonna tell you how to
bring me back.
- Hey, Caboose.
- Hey, guys.
This looks nice. Uh, wait a
minute, what is that?
Okay, now wait.
Church told me
where I could find this.
And he told me how it's
possible we might...you know?
We might what?
- Bring something back.
- Caboose.
No, he always said
memory is the key.
And if we use this memory
unit, we can fill it with--
Caboose, come on.
Church can't help us.
No, but they did this
at Project Freelancer.
It can harvest the memories
and my idea was to--
- You can't bring him back.
- You're not listening.
I just need you to
help me remember.
Memory is the key.
Memory is the key.
- Memory is--
- Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down,
just hold on a second.
Hey, he clearly
needs this and maybe
I don't know, maybe this
could be good for all of us?
Yeah, sure.
Okay, Caboose, we're in.
- What do you need us to do?
- Just remember.
Like, remember him?
Or us, what we did
when we were all here.
Like that time when you guys
were mad at us
and we all went
into the teleporter
and we all got
that black stuff on us.
Oh yeah, we thought
you guys were Freelancers, man.
Was that the same time Donut got
the grenade stuck to his head?
No, that was later. That was
actually Tex that did that.
Right.
I remember how mad he was
when he got that new armor.
"It's lightish red."
We thought he was
a new girl on your team.
- Really?
- Yep.
And we also thought
Tex was a boy for awhile.
Well, she certainly knew
how to hit a guy.
Oh, my ball's hurt
just thinking about it.
"Oh, protect me, cone."
The moon is up
and it's waning
I guess about
a half remaining
The stars are out
and they're shining
Fading in and out reminding
The clouds are
high and they're wispy
Just enough to
make you miss me
We both look up
at the night sky
I'll do my best to be
the nice guy
Now everywhere
I turn
There's another thing
To learn
Well, thanks guys.
This was fun but
the Meta will be coming soon.
Sorry this didn't work out.
Better head back to base
and get ready.
Hold up, Simmons,
I'll come with you.
- You sure?
- Sure, why not?
One more memory
left to make I guess.
But after this, I'm gone.
- After?
- Yeah.
You know...after the three
worst soldiers ever defeat
the strongest enemy
in the galaxy...after that.
Fair enough...Caboose?
I want to say
just one more thing.
Yeah, we get it.
There they are.
He's here.
- Ready?
- No Simmons, I am not.
- But when have I ever been?
- Good point.
Let's do this.
Oops, I mean let's do..
...let's, let,
how do I get this to?
Look for a button or
like a release you pull.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, o-okay.
Let's do, dammit.
Hey, while you figure
that out, I'm just gonna go
over here and get
started on dying, okay?
Yeah, there!
Let's do this.
You know what? Never mind.
Charge.
Oh no, we might be too late.
Looks like it's just Grif
and Simmons left.
- They won't stand a chance.
- What can we do though?
I'm a pacifist
and you're...pacified.
Doc, I-I really hate to
ask this
but if I got hurt, I mean
really hurt, could you save me?
- Why would you get hurt?
- Could you save me?
Hey, buddy, I don't
appreciate the skepticism.
I'm actually a very good
medical officer.
I'm the one who saved you
on Chorus, remember?
Mm, kind of.
And I'll have you know
that I graduated
in the top 23
of my medical class.
Great!
Wait, so you were number 23?
- Huh?
- Well, u-uh..
No one would say
top 23 unless they were 23rd.
It's too specific.
Like, you wouldn't say
you graduated in the top 23
if you were number eight
in your class.
I guess I see your point.
Just out of curiosity, how many
people were in that class?
Probably better we just
don't discuss that anymore.
The point is thanks to me,
you will live to continue
making shitty semantical
arguments to a ripe old age.
Good enough for me.
As long as you don't do anything
really stupid.
Okay, there's one
last story to tell.
Once upon a time,
there was a man and a woman
and they had a little baby.
And the man was very smart
and made lots of things.
And the woman,
she was fierce and tough
and kind of mean to
people that just wanted to be
friends with her and help her
and wear Blue armor.
One last adventure, Grif.
It's been nice
knowing you, Simmons.
'Anyway, there was a big
war one day'
'and the woman had to go fight.'
And she did, she left
and she didn't say goodbye
because she
didn't like saying that.
And then she died.
'And the man was sad
and the baby was sad.'
'So the man decided to make
a special computer program'
'and that program would make
sure that no more soldiers'
would die and no more
people or babies would be sad.
But the man's program
had all of his memories.
'And it remembered the woman.'
And the memories
were too much for it.
So it made a whole new program
based on those memories.
And she was also tough
and she fought.
'And she kept dying.'
'And the program decided
the only way to not be sad'
'was to delete the memories
of the woman and he did.'
And he thought
she was gone forever.
But that's the thing
about a memory.
'You don't get to own it.'
It lives on even after you die
and it goes from
person to person
'and they can tell it to
each other through all of time.'
And they can laugh or they
can cry, or they can do both.
'Because people may
come and go..'
Not even a decent fight.
But memories are what we leave.
'And the best memories
never die.'
Unfortunate.
'Because they can.'
Uh! And everyone
lived happily ever after
and no one hurt me!
The end, the end!
'Uh! Fuckin'...ow.'
Oh, where'd he go?
Aren't we dead yet?
Come on, on your feet, soldier.
Before he comes back.
- Uh, you got it, sir.
- Sir?
Well, you are the new
commanding officer now, sir.
Sir.
I like the sound of that.
How many shots left
in your grenade launcher?
Just one I think.
'Better make it count,
where is it?'
Crap!
The Grifshot.
Ah, fuck!
'Come on, you dirty Blue.'
Let's see what you got.
You cannot stop us.
We are going to kill
you and then kill your friend
and then we are going to march
into Blue Base and get Caboose?
- Caboose?
- Hi guys, shotgun.
What shotgun? This shotgun?
No, shotgun.
- Isn't that your jeep?
- Our jeep?
Our jeep!
Caboose, you did it.
You brought back Church.
Uh, actually,
that was never my plan.
I brought back
something way worse.
Hey there, cock-bites.
- Tex?
- Wow.
- I did not see that coming.
- By the way, I called it.
- Shotgun! Fuck!
- Shotgun! Fuck!
Let's finish this.
- So you brought back Tex?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- Because I wanted to win.
The Meta is very mean.
Yeah, but now
there's two of them.
Well, at least she
seems to be on our side.
Yeah, the losing side.
- We gotta help her.
- Oh, good.
- I like helping my own team.
- Oh no, don't you, ah!
Maybe sit this
one out, Caboose.
- Got it.
- Okay.
You and me, Simmons, on three?
You bet, one, two, three.
- Ah!
- Charge!
Wow, that was super fast.
- 'Oh! Ow!'
- Did you win?
Ow! Ow!
Okay, it worked.
'Medic!'
Wash, why? Why did you do that?
I needed to activate
my emergency beacon.
I could have manually
activated that for you.
What, why didn't you say that?
Because you didn't
tell me the plan.
Hold still already.
You broke your darn leg,
and I don't mean
you gave an excellent
performance in the theater.
- Okay, that wasn't funny.
- I need to see the battle.
Well, I can't even watch.
I'm sure they're getting
their butts kicked...again.
It's kinda their thing.
'Wash, there's just nothing
you can do to help.'
Oh, I think I already did.
- Jesus.
- Oh no.
Yeah, I don't
think Tex is winning.
Okay.
- Is she dead?
- Yeah, and we're next.
I will skip my turn, thanks.
- Where were we?
- Come on guys, think.
We can't just give up,
we have to do something.
At this point,
what do you want to do, pray?
Make a wish?
Throw a penny in a well?
Hope something falls
out of the goddamn sky?
Okay seriously, did you
know that was gonna happen?
Oh, not another one.
Hey, everybody.
- Miss me?
- Carolina!
She's Tex Junior.
What's happening?
She's not even hurting him.
'The Meta's A.I. are
learning too quickly.'
- 'She can't take him alone.'
- Ah!
What?
Holy shit, the teleporter.
- She's back.
- In black...stuff.
Now that's more like it.
Let me go.
Get him.
I guess we're doing this today.
He's still too powerful,
we need a weapon.
Hey, where's Caboose?
Oh.
This looks fun.
What's going on,
can you see anything?
'Yeah, it doesn't look
too good.'
'Oh wait, there's Caboose.'
'What's he holding?'
'That looks
like a rocket launcher.'
We win!
It's facing the..
oh God, no! Caboose, no!
Caboose, don't shoot,
it's backwards.
That team-killing son of a..
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
- Dammit, run!
- You imbecile!
Not my fault.
Someone put a wall in my way.
No, you don't.
'Oh no!'
You lose.
Carolina! Carolina!
Guess who's back?
- Ah!
- You should've stayed dead.
Agent Texas.
You really have been quite a
thorn in our side, haven't you?
But it's over now.
I want you to know that.
You cannot win.
You are just a shadow,
a ghost.
You are the recollection
of a man who was haunted
by your failures,
and so you are doomed
to repeat those failures.
Always doomed.
It would be tragic...if it
was not so goddamned annoying.
I will never join you.
Oh, my dear, Agent Texas,
did you think we wanted you?
Did you think we wanted the sad,
fading memory
of a man long dead?
No.
This is the end...for you.
You're forgetting
one thing, Meta.
This time, I'm not based
on his memories
I'm based on theirs.
And I always kicked their asses.
'Ooh!'
That is so awesome when
it happens to someone else.
You never learn.
What? No!
Co-come on.
Simmons, she needs
that, throw it to her.
Throw it? You mean like a ball?
Like some kind of ball
from sports?
Yeah, we're all gonna die.
No, I can do this.
Simmons, they need a leader,
a good leader.
Now is your time.
You are ready.
I suppose if someone has to be
the leader,
it's better you than me.
Check it out, Simmons.
I got a cheerleader
outfit, woo-hoo!
Why am I thinking about that?
Simmons, just throw
the damn thing.
That...is the best throw ever.
- 'Of all time.'
- 'Yeah.'
That nerd has a really
good arm.
Oh no.
No!
It's activated.
I'm scared.
No! No!
'No!'
Wait, wait, how did I get here?
- What's going on?
- It's okay.
I was trying
to help them I think.
- Did it work?
- Don't worry about that.
I'll tell you all about it.
We'll have plenty of
time in there.
'For us...plenty of time.'
I'm sorry, I...I don't
really remember you.
Do we know each other?
I'll tell you all
about that too.
Okay.
My name is Leonard, by the way.
It's nice to
meet you, Leonard.
My name's Allison.
Allison Church.
- Hey, he's awake.
- 'Oh.'
- Welcome back, Tucker.
- Oh man.
God, I feel like I just woke up
from someone else's nightmare.
What the hell happened?
You fucked everything up real
bad, but it's cool we fixed it.
Are we back home?
Is this Blood Gulch?
It feels like I was gone
a really long time.
Don't worry,
we'll tell you all about it.
Right now,
you just need to rest.
I got pretty fucked up, huh?
Well, let's just say at the
moment, you're a little more
ow-sicka-ow-ow
than bow-chicka-bow-bow.
Eh, eh?
Oh come on, that was funny.
Don't ever do that again.
'We'll need to make sure
this goes somewhere secure.'
If it falls into
the wrong hands
it just starts all over again.
I know.
- How's Tucker?
- Well, he's stable.
That A.I. extraction
wasn't easy on him
but he's through
the worst of it.
We know what that's like.
I don't think Tucker
even noticed me.
He kept asking if there
were any hot nurses.
But don't worry, Wash,
I'll keep an eye on him for you.
Thanks.
- Copy that.
- Copy that.
'You know, we could smuggle'
the recovery unit
out on that transport.
Get it as far away
from here as possible.
- I suppose that's one plan.
- You have another?
No, but I'm sure Tex did.
She always had a plan.
- Didn't she, Caboose?
- Yes, she did.
She told me what to do.
Uh! Thanks.
Goodbye, Tex.
Goodbye, Church.
I think I am going to
go away by myself
and be sad for a little while.
Okay.
You do that.
Why? W-we could have hidden it.
- W-w-we could have--
- No. That was the only way.
It's...what she wanted.
It's over.
You did the right thing,
Caboose.
I know.
The right part is the part
that is the sad part.
- Caboose.
- Let him go, Wash.
- How's the leg?
- Good.
Thanks to good old Doc.
Saved the day again.
- Yeah.
- Just doing my job.
You know...Wash..
...you don't
have to feel guilty..
'...about what happened
on Chorus.'
I know.
'Doc saved you
because that was his job.'
It's not your fault that
he didn't make it out of there.
- She's right, you know.
- I know.
Do you still talk to
him...sometimes?
Yeah, I..
...it makes me feel better.
I miss him.
I like talking to you, bud.
But maybe it's time to let go.
- Doctor's orders?
- It's hard to let go.
So don't let go,
not entirely.
We've all lost someone.
You've lost a lot, Wash.
'But the memories, the
people that defined your life'
'that made you who you are, you
keep a piece of that, always.'
Hold onto them in your heart.
Remember the things
they taught you.
Pull from their strength.
'Learn from their mistakes.'
And grow...from
the special moments
you had in the time
that you were together.
'And remember that even
though they are all gone..'
...we are still here.
And that's all that matters.
'We made it through.'
We're here, I'm here.
I'm really here.
Carolina...am I gonna be okay?
Whatever we're going
to be, we will be it together.
I'm not going anywhere.
I promise.
And next time... you don't
need to jump off a cliff.
Just call.
'Blood Gulch,
evac has arrived.'
'Let's hustle, I wanna be back'
'in the air
before my coffee gets cold.'
- You got it, 479-er.
- 'Wrong number, partner.'
- 'My call sign is One.'
- 471-er?
Ha! Nope, just One.
Huh, never met anyone with
a call sign like that before.
'Well, you never met
anyone like me before.'
'Wheels up in two minutes.'
'Get your passengers on board.'
Copy that.
Whoa, you fixed the shotgun?
Actually just picked
up another one.
Turns out Sarge had
an entire room filled with them
just behind the door
he labeled "janitor's closet."
No wonder I never found them.
- Transport's here.
- Yeah.
I guess this is it.
Are you sure you want to go?
- Yeah...yeah, I'm done.
- Done?
I didn't realize
you had started.
I guess I just feel like
I achieved
everything I wanted to.
- What did you want to achieve?
- Absolutely nothing.
So, you know, mission
accomplished I guess.
Oh.
Well, Simmons..
...if you ever find yourself
back on Earth and--
- I won't.
- I know, I know.
- But if you do.
- Okay. Sure.
- Hey, Simmons?
- Yeah?
You ever figure it out
why we were here?
Nah, it's still a work
in progress for me I suppose.
- How about you?
- No.
I never did figure it out.
But I did reach one conclusion.
- And? What was that?
- If I did have to be here..
...I'm just glad I was
here with all of you.
'Good enough.'
Permission to go
A.W.O.L. forever, sir?
Permission granted.
'Private Grif of Blood
Gulch Output Number One'
'on behalf of the glorious
Red Team, I thank you'
'for your service
and I relieve you of your duty.'
Private, you are dismissed.
Goodbye, Simmons.
Goodbye, Grif.
Looking like
you didn't care
Hey, Red, you stink!
You quitting?
Yeah, suck it,
Blue, I'm leaving.
'Okay, beat it.'
Psst, bye, Grif!
I will actually miss you
but don't worry,
I won't tell anyone.
Goodbye, Caboose.
Hey, Caboose, I just wanna say
after all was said and
done you Blue guys
you actually seemed
like pretty decent dudes.
I'm sorry about all the,
you know, the war stuff.
- No hard feelings?
- Oh, that's okay.
You guys weren't very good
at it anyway.
No.
No, I don't suppose we were.
What are you doing here?
The show's over,
"Red vs. Blue" is over.
Get outta here.
Bow-chicka-bye now.
Five, four, three, two.
Are you ready?
It's Retro Convention 17.
The biggest pop
nostalgia event of the year
featuring all your favorite
superstars of yesteryear.
Turn back the clock.
The only event
where you can rekindle
those fond yet vague memories
of your favorite shows.
And go home with a special
keepsake k-k-koozie.
Holy shit.
Now on sale in Hall H.
Up next, director of
"Box Canyon Bozos."
Please give a big
Retro Convention
welcome to Dylan Andrews.
'Thank you. Thanks for
coming out, everyone.'
It's an honor to be
here with all of you.
Woo!
Thank you.
This is an exciting day
because I get to show you
this first look
at the first draft
of the first social media
teaser poster
for "BZB Squared."
Yes!
'We're still
workshopping it with marketing.'
Okay, exciting.
Well, I am certain you all
have plenty of questions
so fire away.
Yeah, you over there.
Um, yeah, h-h-hi, hello.
Oh, whoa, wait, does my
voice always sound like this?
Go ahead with
your question, please.
Uh, yeah. Online rumors say
these guys
the Reds and Blues were
actually based on real bozos.
Is that like, legit?
Well, I'm sure
you've seen the articles
written about the team of
UNSC investigators
that took down both
Project Freelancer
and Charon Industries.
However for reasons we still
don't quite understand
after the final
Battle of Chorus
they all mysteriously
disappeared.
Word has it, they are now
in an undisclosed location
for their own safety.
Yeah, but, like, where?
Like I said, it's undisclosed.
Um, actually, I did
my own research online
and this whole thing
has the classic earmarks
of a false capture-the-flag
propaganda op.
Yeah, how do we know
this whole thing
isn't some kind of cover-up?
That's right.
Oh, you don't have to just
take my word for it.
Allow me to introduce
the head of my research team
someone who's actually
spent considerable time
with the real Reds and Blues.
Noted military scholar..
'Fuck yeah,
yeah, you got this, girl.'
Kaikaina Grif.
What up, nerds?
Round of applause for the GOAT.
Okay, yeah.
You know it, it's me,
what's up?
Whoop, whoop, oh, oh.
Thank you for
being here today, Kaikaina.
Oh, girl, we all know
there's a lot of toxic
fan-splainers on the internet.
I mean, not you guys,
but other guys
who are just like you
but on their computers.
That's why us women
need to stick together.
What the fuck?
You bitches are on your own,
every lady for herself.
Please evacuate
the building immediately.
- Epic.
- This is an emergency.
Please do not approach
any of the explosions.
The fire is very hot,
it will burn you.
Wow, sick VFX.
Dope cosplay, bro.
Where are they?
I don't know, really.
I'm not lying, I swear.
Well, if you are
we will find out.
'After the attack'
'police say the incident
is quote "crazy"'
'and say it has caused a lot of
paperwork around the office.'
'More as we get it
into the studio.'
'Now for sports'
'the Grifball
Players Association..'
Alright men, report.
Simmons, what is our
situational status?
Base is operating
at slightly above
nominal capacity, sir.
All three soldiers
accounted for and present.
Vehicle readiness at
eighty-five percent.
Good job, get those
vehicle numbers up if you can.
Thank you. Will do, sir.
- Grif.
- Yeah?
Oh, that's me.
Hi, I'm Grif.
Report, dipshit.
Oh, right. Uh, well,
you know, what he said.
All good in the hood
or whatever. Go-go Red Team.
Ammunition, Private Grif.
You have one job, that's it.
Ammunition.
Right, and we have it.
Ammunition.
How much ammunition?
Uh...enough?
I'm going to
need a count, soldier.
Oh, no, sir.
I'm sorry, but, I'm morally
opposed to counting.
I-I have a deferment.
- What?
- Yes, sir.
I-I'm afraid that
I think counting
is essentially just
a gateway drug to mathematics.
Like, first you're counting and
then the next thing you know
you're doing addition
and then, uh, the-the other one,
the backwards one.
It's a slippery slope, sir.
Son.
Well, technically speaking,
counting is a function
of addition.
You're just adding
one every iteration.
Uh, see sir, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
We're just a couple
of inventories away
from turning into a-a chess club
for God sakes, or even worse.
Hey, Simmons, what's the name
of that nerdy board game
with the stupid dungeons and
all the dumb fucking dragons?
You know the one
I'm talking about, you love it.
First of all,
a role-playing game
is not a board game.
Secondly--
I think I'm starting to see
what you mean.
Uh, sir, if I may
uh, I think we're in too
deep at this point.
That should be pretty clear.
I think it's better
just to disband
this whole army
and call it a day.
I mean seriously,
why are we even here
and where exactly is here?
Every day, we have the same
damn pointless arguments
about nothing a-a-and absolutely
no end in sight.
It's like-it's like we're
stuck in some game
and we're playing over
and over and over again
but the ending is
always the goddamn same.
It's like our lives
have no meaning!
I'll just have Lopez
do the inventory.
Ah, plan B, that also works.
Where is Lopez?
Thanks for helping me, Lopez.
Sheila, please tell him
I said "Gracias por ayudarme."
Certainly.
Caboose says "Thank you
for helping me, Lopez."
Yeah, this thing
has been acting weird.
The lights keep blinking
when certain things happen.
Like, every time
the newsfeed talks about
that big mean guy who
keeps attacking stuff
or when I talk to myself
about being alone.
Maybe it's a sad light.
Yeah, I agree.
Sheila, tell him that I said
"Me alegro de que
estemos de acuerdo."
He says that.
Yeah, it is warm today,
Lopez, muy caliente.
Caboose, hold still.
Lopez says your helmet
is very old and obsolete.
If it breaks, he will
not be able to get
the parts to fix it and your
headgear will be useless.
Story of my life.
Please just get rid of this
light, I don't like it.
What is it?
Oh, my gosh.
An even brighter light,
that's what I always wanted.
'Hi, Caboose, if you're
getting this message'
'that means I probably
need your help.'
'And you definitely need mine.'
Shit.
Being a patient
means having patience.
Taking personal responsibility
is a prerequisite for
a successful recovery.
Remember, you have the power
to create the world
you want to see.
So, Wash, how are you
feeling lately?
It seems like PT is
progressing well.
Thanks, Doc, I feel good.
I just used to be able to
bounce back from anything.
Guess I'm getting older.
I'd feel better if I could
just get out of this place.
I'm hearing you don't
really trust your counselors.
Yeah, well, go figure.
I think I've earned my issues
with authority.
- You've been through a lot.
- Yeah.
It's not just the injury
from Chorus either.
Don't forget the trouble
you had with your
implantation process
during Project Freelancer.
I don't remember
a lot of that, ironic.
Yeah, and they destroyed
all their records
or never kept them
but it sure sounds
like it was tough.
It seems like
another lifetime now.
Some days, it feels
like someone else.
Someone else's memories.
Well, at least I've got you
here with me, right, Doc?
Technically I may
not be your doctor
at this facility but you
can always talk to me.
I have experience with some
of the things you dealt with.
Right.
You had the Omega AI for a
while, that was a nasty one.
What was it like?
You know, the AI..
...having another voice
in your head?
Don't you know?
Well, everyone
reacts differently.
When Omega took over for me..
...I just kind of...went away.
Their theory was that there
wasn't that much overlap
in our personalities, so there
really wasn't any conflict.
It was like watching
like, watching
someone else's nightmares.
That's the best way
I can describe it.
I felt damn near
split in half
every single second.
Epsilon was all the memories
of all the horrible
things they did to Alpha.
The torture, the personalities
tearing apart
all that fear and rage
and panic and deceit
screaming inside your
head at all times.
And we each only had one.
Two almost killed Carolina.
Maine had eight, nine?
Oof, so many voices.
At some point
it must be hard to know who's
real and...well, who's not.
I can't even imagine
what that would've been like.
It is here somewhere.
If it is, I will find it.
You had better.
You don't scare me.
I know that isn't true.
- Is he dead?
- Not yet.
Either asleep or unconscious.
He's tired and scared.
No one asked you.
Leave him alone.
Theta, why don't you
come help me up here?
Let me go, please.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to
hurt anyone else.
Quiet, you are just a shell,
a tool for us.
You are nothing.
Keep him alive a bit longer
'we won't need him soon enough.'
Target acquired.
'Men, now the reports are done'
'we have some important
things to discuss.'
'Uh, sir, I have a question.'
Hold all questions
until the end.
Ah, well, my question was
how long is this
gonna fuckin' take?
But if the meeting is
over when I ask it
then I guess I'll already know.
Oh, well, good news
'cause I wasn't gonna answer
your questions anyway.
I was gonna let you ask them
and then just stare at you
blankly while grumbling.
Yeah, sick burn, sir.
Who put you in charge
of deciding what's a sick burn?
Sarge did, last week.
I was promoted to
Private Double Class
in Charge of Zingers.
I mean, I wanted
to be lieutenant
in Charge of Zingers but
I mean, hey, whatever.
We had a ceremony
and everything.
Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
I'm sure it was
a touching ceremony.
Maybe if we
had served cheeseburgers
you would've shown up.
- Sick burn, sir.
- Alright.
Pace yourself, Simmons.
Don't tell me how to do my job.
Hey, Red guys!
Red guys, guys who are Red!
You, hey!
Looks like the Blues are
approaching, sir.
What do you
mean Blues plural?
Isn't there only one left?
The mean ones all died
and Tucker's been
missing for months.
- Again.
- Again.
'See, look, it's just Caboose.'
Still, procedure dictates
that we need to be
alert for enemy attack.
- We should sound the alarm.
- Alarm for who?
We're all standing right here.
Who are we alarming?
I'm alarmed.
This conversation is alarming.
I have a message
to share with you.
It's a super important message.
Ah, crap, that
sounds like Blue business.
That never works
out well for us.
No way, dude.
Take your fucking message
and go home!
- We're not buying.
- It's from Church.
- Church?
- Oh, okay.
I didn't realize
it's from Church.
In that case, burn
the message at home!
Now hold up a second.
He's offering to share
an internal
Blue Team communication.
That is enemy intelligence.
Well, isn't that ironic?
I don't think
that word applies, sir.
- I feel like this is a ploy.
- A ploy?
A Blue trap, you know, a plot.
- A plot to what?
- I don't know.
That's why we need to be alert.
Alert for what?
- It could be a distraction.
- A distraction?
A distraction?
Oh, sure Simmons, the one guy
on the enemy squad is
running a distraction
so that the zero
other guys on his team
can just sneak up behind
us and catch us off guard.
Is that what you're
saying, Simmons?
Oh, no, let's sound the alarm
so that nobody else
can be prepared
for the nothing that is
about to not fucking happen!
There's a gigantic tank
behind us, isn't there?
Yep.
Fuck me.
Just once, I would
like to be right.
What does it even feel like?
'Holy shit.'
Oh, God.
This is not gonna
work out well for us.
Yeah, it's me. Hey, guys.
Great to see you again too.
So, Epsilon, Church GPT,
Leonard Part Six
whatever your name is,
are you a ghost this time
or an artificial
intelligence thingamajig?
I personally always liked
the ghost explanation.
Felt more grounded to me.
Well, I'm neither.
These images are just a series
of recorded entries I made
in the seconds before I died.
This one is called
"The Reds Have Trouble
Understanding dot MP8."
Wait a second,
if you're just a recording
then how are you
responding to what we say?
I call bullshit.
Well, towards the end
of my life
I had evolved to live
in an entirely
different time base
than you guys.
What were seconds to you
were like years to me.
Minutes were like centuries.
And so I used
those spare moments
to run an unbelievable amount
of simulations to predict
all the possible outcomes
of what I was about to do
and then leave
contingency recordings
in Caboose's helmets for
the most probable ones.
Part of those simulations
were also calculating
the probability of what you
would say to these recordings
and then how I should
respond and then
what you would say to my
responses and so on and so on.
The responses were
actually the easiest part.
I mean, you guys are
pretty predictable.
I mean, let's call
it what it is, boys.
After all these years,
the conversation's
getting pretty stale.
Uh, Simmons, translate please.
What he's saying, Grif,
is that
you're so simple-minded,
he could accurately predict
before he died exactly what
you would say in this situation
even before you said it
or knew you would say it.
It's ridiculously hard
but with enough time
and processing power,
it could be done and I suppose
when the subject
is someone as dumb as you,
Grif, it's a lot easier.
Oh, moron.
See, that's an
excellent summation, Simmons.
Why, thank you.
Hey, wait a minute.
- Peanut butter shrimp.
- What?
I bet you couldn't predict
I would say that
you dumb Blue voicemail.
Well, no, but I knew
that you would say
something dumb to try to test
the system and listen, man
I'll be honest, half the
Southern fried bullshit
that came out of your mouth
never made sense to me anyway.
So I'm sure whatever you said
was super on brand for you.
Score one for Red Team.
Suck it, robocall.
How many simulations
did you run?
It was a lot,
most of it was using
a unique nested recursion
model that I developed
and I don't want
to bog us down
with a theoretical discussion
of the limitless nature
of an infinitely
divisible timescale.
But let's just say,
yeah, it was a bunch.
And you simulated
all of this and all of us?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
But how do we know
we aren't one of those
simulations, like right now?
Oh, no, you're not,
you're definitely real.
Did you tell all the simulations
they were real?
- No.
- Why did you pause?
That pause is seriously
freaking me out, dude.
Look, we're getting lost
in the weeds here.
I need you guys,
you have to help me.
Uh, we don't want to help.
Get your lap dog to do it.
Yeah, I can't.
I can't predict how to
communicate with Caboose.
Uh, you just said you ran
like a bajillion scenarios.
Yeah, it didn't matter.
I-I cannot accurately model
what the hell is going on
between those two ears.
It's like the universe's
greatest encryption.
It can't be cracked.
I'm not even sure I got
his voice right this time.
So I just recorded myself
saying
"Shut up, Caboose"
at random intervals
and I figured that
would cover it.
Yeah, this all reminds me
of the time..
- I saw a big balloon--
- Shut up, Caboose.
Okay. Welcome back, Church.
Okay, so here's the deal, Reds.
We have a problem,
a big problem
and if we're gonna survive it,
we have to work together.
Oh, actually I made an
animated infographic
since no one can process
information anymore
without fast-moving pictures.
So here, just watch this.
Go ahead, Caboose.
Ooh, a video.
- I hope there's ads.
- You would.
Hey, they're an important part
of the modern
creator ecosystem, Grif.
What's up, guys?
It's your boy Epsilon
back with another video
this time about a threat
to everyone
and everything that we know.
'Now you may have
been hearing news'
'or rumors about
a super soldier'
'who's been attacking
different facilities'
'probably on the
lookout for something.'
'No, we haven't.'
I have, it's all over
the news feeds.
- How have you missed it?
- Oh, please.
I filter my newsfeed
to get rid of topics
that I don't like and only
show me things that I do like
because the stuff
I don't like is biased.
You were so close
to understanding the definition
of bias there,
just so very close.
- Sick burn, Simmons.
- Hey, don't do my job.
Well, I'm sorry to tell you
that the soldier in question
is in fact, the Meta.
That's right, he's back.
Nope, that's it. Turn this off.
'And the new Meta 2.0'
'or as you may know him,
Private Lavernius Tucker'
'of Blue Team,
bow-chicka-bow-wow.'
- Ha-ha.
- 'Wait.'
- Tucker is the Meta?
- Who else would it be?
He had the armor and all those
stupid computer programs.
I know, I just
felt like I should react.
It seemed like a moment.
As you may recall,
we gave Tucker
Agent Maine's old suit
because it had
'all the equipment we needed'
'to win the final battle
on Chorus.'
In order to run the suit, he
needed help from a bunch of AI.
So I came up with the
totally awesome plan
to delete myself and
split into the fragments
the suit needed to
operate at max capacity.
But having all those
personalities in his head
will slowly drive
Tucker insane
and now the AI are trying to
combine again
and he's turned evil.
That's not so cool.
'Uh, I just want to say
that I realized'
'that choices that I made
which might have led'
'to Tucker returning
as the Meta'
'that may have upset some
of you'
'especially the ones that Tucker
is going to violently murder.'
Suck it, losers. Kablooie!
Yeah, I want you to know
this is not who I am.
I've been learning a
lot and I've changed..
...and I'm in therapy
where I've discovered
that everything
I have done wrong
is probably actually
somebody else's fault
and I want you to know that
I'm taking full accountability
'for holding those anonymous
people accountable.'
'You remember that
whole alien prophecy'
'about the Great Destroyer?'
'Yeah, it turns out
in hindsight'
'it was probably Tucker
they were talking about'
'when he got the sword
and the Great Destroyer'
'wasn't going to destroy
their civilization'
'but was destined to
destroy their enemies.'
- 'That's us, whoops.'
- Dear God.
'And Meta also has
access to all the resources'
'and intelligence of
the Charon Corporation.'
Please, stop talking.
And the mercenary
known as Felix.
'I hope there is a funny cat
somewhere in this video.'
- Shut up, Caboose.
- 'Okay.'
'Yeah, so basically if you take'
'all of our greatest enemies..'
'...put them in a blender..'
'...distill all of that
down to the worst parts'
'and then feed that
to a former insane teammate'
'who knows all our deepest
secrets and strategies'
'and actually was the best
soldier out of all of us'
'yeah, that's what
you guys are facing.'
Hey, good luck.
And if you like this video
don't forget to
subscribe to my channel.
That last part
seemed really unnecessary.
I know. And did
you see the thumbnail?
Come on.
Yeah, I liked his early stuff.
This feels too corporate.
Hey, don't blame me.
That's just the way
the platform works.
I also sell t-shirts.
But why would
the Meta come here?
We don't have anything
he wants.
Yeah, why doesn't
he just mash together
all the computer program
things and be done with it?
He's already got 'em all.
Yeah, that's not exactly true.
He means himself, we have him.
'If the meta knows that,
he'll come hunting for him'
and kill everyone else
in the process.
Uh, he's just a recording.
Yeah, I kind of had this idea
that if I didn't
give them the memories
by withholding
the Epsilon fragment
then that would keep
the other fragments
from being able to
fully restore the Alpha.
But, now they are just
acting on instinct
trying to find
that missing piece.
Which they think is you
even though you're
sort of a copy.
Right. Enough to bring all the
fragments together
but not enough
to keep them stable.
It would be a new version
of the Alpha
that would be completely
unpredictable
and kinda terrifying.
Your only chance is to use my
knowledge to defeat the Meta
and destroy the rest of the
AI fragments once and for all.
So what do you say, Reds?
Will you help us?
Wait Reds, are you walking away?
It seems like you
are walking away.
Probably because I am
talking to your backs.
Yep, the way I figure it
this here is a
Blue Team problem.
Tucker's one of you.
Red Team regulation
number 636-Rclearly states you're
on your own, sucker.
But Church
said you would help us.
He said the Reds may
be a different team
but they're still one of us.
Oh, really, Church did?
Well, gee, let me see.
That changes absolutely nothing.
One of us, huh?
Sounds like Blue business
to me.
Come on, men.
Okay, so I'll just wait here.
You are coming back,
right, Red friends?
- Sorry, Caboose.
- Wait, Red friends.
This memory unit is empty.
It has no use to us.
I won't do this.
I won't help you anymore.
You can't make me.
Oh, but we can, Tucker.
We can.
You see, we are in your head.
We can control so much
more than you know.
We can even control
how you perceive time.
Gamma is so good at that
and your friend Church
enjoyed that very much.
In just a few moments,
we can make you
spend a 1000 years living
out your worst fears.
'Everyone and everything
you care about...dying.'
Constant, unimaginable pain.
Torment, really.
We know all about these
things, don't we, Omega?
Humans taught them to us.
I will not help you.
Oh, it's no
inconvenience for us.
For us, it will only
be a few seconds.
Let's start with a
small sample, shall we?
Why don't we try...ten years?
Ten years sounds
like a good start. Gamma?
Ten years, executing.
No! No, no, no. No! No!
'Welcome back, Private Tucker.'
We missed you.
You were gone so long.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I think we will find him
much more agreeable
now, won't we, Meta?
What do we do now?
Now we wait.
Trust in the process.
Trust in the fact that
all that you don't know
is part of that process.
Be advised, patient 619-B
is on the movie
without a chaperone.
'Authorities are still
trying to identify'
'the suspect and determine a
possible motive for the attack.'
Oh. Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
And how are you
doing today, Wash?
Doctor, have-have you
seen the reports?
Look, the Meta is back,
we need to call someone.
Okay, slow down.
You have been through a lot
and your recovery is going well
but you need to take it easy,
one day at a time.
No, we need to call someone.
Okay, okay.
We're getting a little excited.
I'll tell you what, you
go back to your room
and just relax
'and I'll call
Admiral Donut myself'
'and let him know
you're seeing things.'
I mean, what things
you are seeing.
Doc, tell her,
I-I'm not making this up.
Agent Washington..
...David, what did I tell you?
'I am treating you.'
'You're my responsibility.'
With all due respect
you need to listen to me, okay?
- No offense meant.
- None taken, Dr. Grey.
Yeah, Wash. She really
knows what's best, okay?
I don't think I'd be able
to convince her anyway.
You're not listening,
he won't stop.
Y-you don't understand, he'll
kill us all, listen to us.
No, no, we're
listening to all of you.
Could you take him away,
please?
- Don't let him hurt himself.
- Take your hands off me.
It's-it's real, it's all real.
Listen to to me, listen!
'You've gotta listen to me!'
No, definitely go for your
pilot's license, Simmons.
Then we can not let
you fly the planes
just like we don't let
you drive the jeeps.
Stop talking
to me immediately.
Ladies, quit your
jibber-jabbering
and get to work. This base
isn't gonna fortify itself.
Sarge, I've been thinking.
Instead of holing up
in Red Base
and hoping the Meta only kills
Blue Team and ignores us
maybe it would be better
off if we help them?
- Say what now?
- Wait, no.
What if Church is right?
If the Meta does
restore the Alpha
then it's a threat to everyone
and tactically speaking
if we work together,
we'd have the advantage
of the element of surprise.
How about the advantage
of not getting murdered?
Yeah, the murder thing
seems like
a potential downside.
But the upside is
you might get to kill
the most powerful
Blue soldier of all time
which, would of course
officially make you..
Hmm, go on.
Yeah.
Yee-haw!
- Watch out for that rooster.
- Hey, that's old.
Woo-hoo-hoo!
- Hey, Blue.
- Ah, Red friends.
You came back.
Hey, we've decided
to help you guys.
No!
- Uh..
- Sarge?
Why are you shooting at me?
Ope, sorry, muscle memory.
I didn't even know I
was doing that, my bad.
Tell you what,
let me try that again.
Caboose, we're here to help.
Fantastic. Thanks, Reds.
I knew you would do it.
Literally, I-I knew that
you would do this.
Yeah, we figured the fate
of all humanity
might be worth
teaming up with you guys.
- Guy, one guy.
- Oh, right.
Teaming up with you guy.
Wow, that sounds way
better. Thanks, Grif.
But what's the plan?
Well, if you want
to beat the Meta
you gotta do something
about those AI fragments
and for that, you
need some equipment.
You guys wouldn't have access
to a transport by any
chance, would you?
- Huh..
- Yeah, right.
If we did, I would've flown that
fucker out of here years ago.
Actually, there
is someone I could call.
Yeah, you guys are
lucky that I was available
and that I owed
your girl a favor.
Been pretty slow for me lately.
Been slow?
You mean since the rogue
military organization
that you worked
for was shut down
and you had to go into
hiding, that kind of slow?
Hey, we all worked
for the same place.
I guess technically that's true.
Lucky for you, I owed
Phyllis here a favor.
Actually, my name is Sheila now.
Well, Phyllis or Sheila
you're the only talking
computer I trust.
Oh, I'm not really a computer.
I'm a series of recordings
that are based on--
Okay, you can stop talking.
That immediately sounds
like something stupid.
Okay, yeah, well
I never liked you either.
Seriously, why of all people
would Church leave these
ultra-important
super secret messages
with Caboose?
If I had to guess
I would say it is because
we were best friends
and these messages have
a lot of inside jokes
from when we would talk
and laugh
and only we would
understand them.
Uh, he hated you and you
killed him
on accident
at least 15 times.
Maybe it's his helmet.
What's wrong with his helmet?
Too tight, cutting off oxygen?
I'm telling you, this guy is
a straight up serial killer.
No, I mean, maybe
Church stored the message
in Caboose's helmet because
it's the older model.
Son of a-that makes sense.
Why would the
old helmet be better?
Grif, you see
this helmet I'm wearing?
This here is the
Mark VI Combination
Combat Headgear
and Tactical Visor
painstakingly designed by the
Red Team engineer eggheads
to provide maximum
protection for the cranium
while constantly feeding
intelligence from Command
to the boots on the
ground all while relaying
our combat situational
data back to our superiors.
It is the crowning achievement
of military research
and development.
When the situation calls
for a good old-fashioned
enemy flogging,
some righteous hot-dogging
and protecting that old noggin
accept no substitutes.
- Simmons?
- It's all the same helmet.
Caboose just never
upgraded to the new one.
So he has the older version,
which wasn't cloud-based.
Cloud-based?
All the storage on his
is internal.
Command can't access it
so that means no
one else can either.
'That's why Meta needs to
get their hands on it.'
'They can't, you know,
like, hack it remotely.'
Alright guys,
let's go over the plan.
Hold up a second here, Blue.
We have a tried-and-true
strategy for missions like this.
First, we send in Grif.
He scouts the
situation by being shot
by the enemy as many
times as possible.
Oh.
That way, we get a clear sense
of their training and
munitions capabilities.
Hey, we also record it to
watch back later and laugh.
Oh.
It's the best.
How come you never
used that strategy against us?
Because you only ever
shot people on your own team.
Yeah, classic us.
'So, the target is
Hargrove's trophy room'
'on his command ship.'
'It probably has changed
quite a bit since our battle.'
'I'm making these recordings
before I die, so I don't know.'
'You're gonna have
to be adaptable.'
'The main thing you are
looking for is this.'
Hopefully it's still there.
That's the recovery unit Meta
used on Tex back in the day.
- Shut up, Caboose.
- Sorry, everyone.
'If you can activate this
near the Meta'
'preferably while it's
touching his armor'
'it should draw out the AIs'
'and trap them inside the unit.'
And then what,
we dispose of it properly
at an evil artificial
intelligence recycling center?
Alright, well,
this is where I tap out.
The rest of the scenario
is just
too variable
for me to predict.
I know that our
target is the ship
but I don't even know
where it's going to be.
So Sarge has agreed to handle
the actual infiltration
plans for the operation.
Right, thank you,
Private Pac-Man.
So the ship has been impounded
by the UNSC
in a highly secure facility.
Our mission, men and Blue
is to go in there in
pure stealth mode
zero noise, no detection.
Then we will
immediately abandon that
and just start blasting.
The first objective
is the checkpoint
designated Charlie Two.
We blast that, then
there's the bulkhead.
We blast our way through that.
After that is a
hallway, guess what?
More blasting.
'After we blast through
these blast room doors'
we'll be in the trophy room.
At this point, we stop blasting
until we secure the package
and then we blast
our way out.
That's the plan.
I will now open the floor
to questions and insults
thinly veiled as
constructive criticism.
Oh, great plan, sir.
Are we there yet?
Is he still talking?
We're on approach, gear up.
'You'll have to use the side
airlock, rear doors are busted.'
Remember men, we go in quiet.
Then we start blasting.
Yes, we've got the plan.
Looks like the door's
slightly jammed
most of the way open.
Still, it should
be easy enough to--
Abandon the plan! Blast!
Charging forward!
Oh, man, I forgot about that.
I thought blasting was the plan.
- We're going to die.
- Most definitely.
'Charge!'
Ya!
Blam, badoosh.
'Pew, pew.'
Yeah, take that and that.
Noises!
Running, shooting
running, annihilating.
- Pada-pada-pada-pada-padad.
- Winning.
- 'Pew, pew, pew.'
- Ha-ha.
'Pew, pew, pew.'
Boom, crash.
We win, there is a parade.
I win the parade.
What in the
Samuel L. Hill Country?
Where is everybody?
Hey, who are you guys?
Y-you're not supposed
to be in here.
Oh, hi, yeah, uh..
...we are delivery guys
here to get a delivery package
and take it to...a destination.
- Very smooth.
- Shut up, Caboose.
I hope that doesn't
become a thing.
I don't know, man.
You guys don't look
like delivery drivers.
'You have battle armor on
and you're firing weapons.'
'You seem a lot more
like infiltrators.'
No, we're definitely
delivery guys.
Come on out here.
We'll show you our
delivery license.
Come out there?
Um, yeah, so the security
team works from home now.
- It's kind of a remote gig.
- You aren't on site?
Well, Command
figured out we could do like
ninety-nine percent of our
duties via a data connection.
So, yeah, we all just
kinda work from home now.
I mean, I'm not
even wearing pants.
Was the final one percent
of your job
the part where you stop
people from coming in?
Yeah, but that like,
never happens.
Hey, this is just unlocked.
Hey, hey, freeze.
That's a restricted area.
Hey, how about you shoot me
an email telling me
how much trouble I'm
in for doing this?
Oh, I knew it.
You guys are totally
infiltrating.
I'm sounding the alarm.
- Freeze!
- This is a restricted area.
- I order you to stand down.
- Drop your weapons.
Drop your weapons.
Hey, can you guys
see my screen, hello?
-Can you hear me?
- Yeah, Bill, we can hear you.
How about now, can you hear me?
Dude, we hear you.
Just-just turn on your camera.
Oh, oh, hey, there it is, okay.
That's great. Hello?
Can-can you hear me?
Oh, my God, I think I've
got a bad connection.
We can hear you,
you do this every time!
God, it's like tech
support for my parents.
Oh, God, now he's muted.
You're muted!
'Does anyone have his number?'
Does anyone else
kinda hate the future?
Stop with the cat picture.
- What is happening?
- Type it in chat.
Hey, whoever that is, come on.
- Mute your mic.
- You better wash your hands.
All clear, no one shot me.
Well, damn.
Wow, this place held up
pretty well
considering
the fight we had in here.
Hey, Caboose,
not the memory unit.
'We need the other one,
recovery unit.'
Oh, right, I'm just..
...we might need this one
for something else.
Right.
'Check it out, Grif,
an alien helmet'
and there's an old
Freelancer shield unit.
Why didn't they put all
of this stuff in a vault?
Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, that's all..
...that's super not interesting.
'And here's the old
health kits'
and wow the teleporter,
remember those?
Ah, so retro.
'Uh-huh.'
Just what are you up to, Blue?
Nothing, no thing.
- Not anything.
- Uh-huh.
'And there's
the ammo for the Grifshot.'
'You should take some of
it if you need it, Grif.'
Oh, and there's the Meta
Armor just where we left it.
Ooh, look at that,
is that a flag?
Wait a second,
why is the Meta Armor here?
Yeah, I don't know,
it seems weird.
Did someone put it back?
I thought Tucker still had it.
Was there a second suit?
Could be a model,
like a replica.
You know, like a scale model.
- But like full scale?
- Yeah.
Oh, we are so fucking dumb.
Yeah, that's the Meta.
Grif, Simmons,
stop all that racket.
Quit monkeying about.
- Meta, Meta!
- What?
He must have gotten past
security undetected.
Wonder how he did that.
I've been waiting for you
so very, very long.
Well, your wait is over,
chrome dome, charge!
Oh, hey, one more thing.
Before you guys head
into Hargrove's ship
I should probably warn you that
if you're gonna run
'into the Meta anywhere'
that's where he's
most likely to be.
Thanks for the warning,
your timing's impeccable.
- Woah. Quick.
- He's gonna kill us.
Grab those health kits, we can
use them to heal ourselves.
What?
- Ah-ah-ow.
- Ha-ha. Agh!
Ow, these feel really unhealthy.
Oh, also make
sure they don't see me.
Because they'll probably want
to tear Caboose's
head off to get me.
Epsilon, he is alive.
Join us, Epsilon.
Uh-oh.
You got that right.
Caboose!
Oh, hey, oh, Tucker..
...Lavernius Tucker,
that's your name?
I know you're in there.
It's me, Simmons,
uh, you know me.
Uh, I'm the smart one,
everyone likes me.
Uh, I'm on Red Team.
Yeah. You remember
Red Team, right?
You were on Blue Team.
You guys sucked and we were
fighting each other, remember?
We were way better
and we would shoot at you
and we even killed your leader.
Uh, Simmons, I think
you're doing this wrong.
Yeah, I'm not good at this.
- Blue Team sucks, ah!
- Ugh!
Oh, Epsilon.
Hiding in that old helmet?
Don't worry, I'll get you out.
Simmons, I think you may have
overestimated the
element of surprise.
Sarge, look.
The Meta doesn't know
Epsilon is just a recording.
You were going to use
this against me?
Yes, now's our chance to escape.
You mean retreat?
Or perhaps a tactical
advancement
towards future victory?
- What about Caboose?
- I don't know.
He's been acting
awfully suspicious.
Well like you said,
they're both Blues.
I'm sure this is just
a big misunderstanding
they can work out
amongst themselves.
Can't argue with that logic.
- Tactically advance!
- Tactically advance!
We can do this the easy way
or the hard way.
479-er, get your engines online.
'Please use the self-checkout
station'
'to report any stolen property.'
'We are gettin' outta here.'
I need that airlock door closed.
Grif, get me a light.
I need to get this
mechanism un-jammed.
- Tucker, Tucker.
- Don't call us that.
'Caboose, I-I,
I-I can't stop it.'
Don't feel bad afterwards.
'I forgive you.'
'I know it's not your fault.'
I'm sorry this is happening
to you.
'Uh! Caboose!'
- Tucker.
- 'Oh no!'
- Ah!
- 'Not again, uh, run!'
Faster, before he
comes after one of us.
One of us?
Shine the light
where I'm looking, Grif.
- Don't shine it in my face.
- 'Just hurry up.'
'Side hatch must be secured
before flight.'
Got it, sir, we're all
set, let's get outta here.
Sir?
Sarge?
'Running, running, running.'
It will all be over soon.
At least for you,
it'll be quick.
Hey Meta, you ever hear
the expression..
- "...the enemy of my enemy?"
- Son of a..
No more ammo, Sarge.
Well, they always say the best
offense is a good defense.
Sorry to leave
you hanging, Meta.
But we gotta go.
Man, I am killing these
one-liners right now.
- Can you walk, son?
- I think so.
Good, because we need to run.'
- Hurry!
- Ah, wait.
'Oh, come on guys, in or out?'
'At this point, you're just
making us look bad.'
- Come on, let's go.
- Buckle up, we are leaving.
'Engines on.'
Ha, we made it,
can you believe it?
Boy, that was a close one.
Uh, Sarge?
Well...dang it.
'Sarge!'
- We need to go back.
- Back, are you kidding me?
Sarge is hurt,
there were med-packs there.
- There may be a healing unit.
- 'No.'
'Simmons...you're not
going back.'
But Sarge...we need..
Is there anything we can do?
Just promise me...you'll
watch out for each other.
You can win this, men.
I know you can.
Thank you for rescuing me,
Sarge.
Just don't tell
anyone I helped a Blue.
And we'll call it even,
okay Caboose?
Okay, sergeant.
Here, Simmons.
I want you to have this.
- Sir...I can't.
- Yes, you can.
They need a leader!
A real leader,
and you're ready.
You've been ready
for a long time.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you, sir.
- Grif.
- I'm here, Sarge.
I know I wasn't always
easy on you.
Not really ever, no,
like not once.
I know I called you dumb.
And lazy and ugly,
and insubordinate and--
I remember them all too, sir.
You called me everything.
I did all that because I always
knew you could be better.
You always sell yourself short.
But I believed in you.
'I was hard on you because
I always believed in you.'
'Even when you didn't
believe in yourself.'
Remember that for me.
He's gone.
Sarge is gone.
One more, just one more
piece of the puzzle.
And then...we are complete.
Run away while you can.
I'm coming for you.
I had arrivals and he swore
That he loved Lulu too
So too advised that
smoking gun..
Doctor, I just want to say that
I'm sorry about my
episode earlier.
I-I'm much better now.
I don't believe
that the Meta is real
or that he is back or that
he is going to kill us all.
'Psst, Wash, it's me, Doc.'
Oh my God, Doc, it's you.
Where have you been?
I told you,
I don't really work here.
That's why I had to duck out
quick earlier
so I wouldn't get caught.
But now they'll never spot me
'cause I've got
the perfect disguise. See? Ha.
Yeah, great thinking,
listen, the Meta is real
and he's back
and he's going to kill us all.
I know, I saw the reports.
I've come to bust you out,
come on.
I think I know
where he's headed.
'Just Sarge?'
I could never
find any documents
that had his real name.
Well, I think he would've
liked it, Simmons.
Thank you. He probably
would've liked it even more
if it had some sort
of a button you could press
that played vaguely
Southern insults.
Oh, it's got that.
'Hey numb-nuts,
you call that grief?'
'Drop and give me 40 boo-hoos!'
- It's perfect.
- Ah, I'm gonna miss him, Grif.
I will too.
He was gruff and he was rude.
And he really held
onto his deep-seated hatred
for the Blue Team,
even long after
we realized none of
that mattered.
Man, he really did.
He taught me everything I know.
I hope it's enough.
So Grif,
I have something for you.
- Like a gift from Sarge?
- No, this is from me.
It's my first official
order as the new leader
of Red Base Blood
Gulch Outpost Number One.
Oh, you're gonna make me
clean the toilets.
No, I'm discharging you.
What?
I processed your paperwork an
hour ago. You're out, Grif.
You can leave
whenever you want.
Simmons, I-I,
I don't know what to say.
It's everything
I've ever wanted.
I know.
Come with me. I mean, the
mission's over, we failed.
The Meta's got
the recovery unit now
and he just wants his
computer thing.
He doesn't care
about anything else.
But I care. Sarge cared.
He went back for Caboose
and I think in the end
he realized it didn't matter
if he was Red or Blue.
He saw someone in trouble
and he helped.
That's what a leader does and..
...that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna help Caboose.
And Tucker if he's
still in there somewhere.
You know, I probably
won't win but I have to try.
Otherwise,
what is all this for?
Why are we here?
- It's a mystery.
- One of life's greatest.
You know what? Maybe I'll just
tag along one more time.
Just see what Caboose
wants to show us.
For old time's sake.
Like you said,
Sarge would've wanted that.
Sure.
He was mean to me
all of the time.
And he was stuck in his ways
about as hard as a person
can get stuck in them.
But he was loyal and he never,
ever gave up on me.
And I'm probably
better because of him.
I'm gonna miss him too.
Goodbye, Sarge.
Am I even doing this right?
Seriously,
I've never done it before.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're doing just fine.
Okay, now just
take the memory unit
which you should have from
the mission with the Reds.
Got it.
If that's the case, there's
just one last piece to this.
Project Freelancer
moved Alpha to this base
after the infiltration
to hide him.
The body that they put him in
also had a duplicate
at Red Base.
That's what they used to
make Lopez.
But what I've learned is..
...the military
loves redundancy.
They always have a spare.
Okay, Caboose.
Meta will know about this too.
So there won't be much time.
Listen closely.
I'm gonna tell you how to
bring me back.
- Hey, Caboose.
- Hey, guys.
This looks nice. Uh, wait a
minute, what is that?
Okay, now wait.
Church told me
where I could find this.
And he told me how it's
possible we might...you know?
We might what?
- Bring something back.
- Caboose.
No, he always said
memory is the key.
And if we use this memory
unit, we can fill it with--
Caboose, come on.
Church can't help us.
No, but they did this
at Project Freelancer.
It can harvest the memories
and my idea was to--
- You can't bring him back.
- You're not listening.
I just need you to
help me remember.
Memory is the key.
Memory is the key.
- Memory is--
- Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down,
just hold on a second.
Hey, he clearly
needs this and maybe
I don't know, maybe this
could be good for all of us?
Yeah, sure.
Okay, Caboose, we're in.
- What do you need us to do?
- Just remember.
Like, remember him?
Or us, what we did
when we were all here.
Like that time when you guys
were mad at us
and we all went
into the teleporter
and we all got
that black stuff on us.
Oh yeah, we thought
you guys were Freelancers, man.
Was that the same time Donut got
the grenade stuck to his head?
No, that was later. That was
actually Tex that did that.
Right.
I remember how mad he was
when he got that new armor.
"It's lightish red."
We thought he was
a new girl on your team.
- Really?
- Yep.
And we also thought
Tex was a boy for awhile.
Well, she certainly knew
how to hit a guy.
Oh, my ball's hurt
just thinking about it.
"Oh, protect me, cone."
The moon is up
and it's waning
I guess about
a half remaining
The stars are out
and they're shining
Fading in and out reminding
The clouds are
high and they're wispy
Just enough to
make you miss me
We both look up
at the night sky
I'll do my best to be
the nice guy
Now everywhere
I turn
There's another thing
To learn
Well, thanks guys.
This was fun but
the Meta will be coming soon.
Sorry this didn't work out.
Better head back to base
and get ready.
Hold up, Simmons,
I'll come with you.
- You sure?
- Sure, why not?
One more memory
left to make I guess.
But after this, I'm gone.
- After?
- Yeah.
You know...after the three
worst soldiers ever defeat
the strongest enemy
in the galaxy...after that.
Fair enough...Caboose?
I want to say
just one more thing.
Yeah, we get it.
There they are.
He's here.
- Ready?
- No Simmons, I am not.
- But when have I ever been?
- Good point.
Let's do this.
Oops, I mean let's do..
...let's, let,
how do I get this to?
Look for a button or
like a release you pull.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, o-okay.
Let's do, dammit.
Hey, while you figure
that out, I'm just gonna go
over here and get
started on dying, okay?
Yeah, there!
Let's do this.
You know what? Never mind.
Charge.
Oh no, we might be too late.
Looks like it's just Grif
and Simmons left.
- They won't stand a chance.
- What can we do though?
I'm a pacifist
and you're...pacified.
Doc, I-I really hate to
ask this
but if I got hurt, I mean
really hurt, could you save me?
- Why would you get hurt?
- Could you save me?
Hey, buddy, I don't
appreciate the skepticism.
I'm actually a very good
medical officer.
I'm the one who saved you
on Chorus, remember?
Mm, kind of.
And I'll have you know
that I graduated
in the top 23
of my medical class.
Great!
Wait, so you were number 23?
- Huh?
- Well, u-uh..
No one would say
top 23 unless they were 23rd.
It's too specific.
Like, you wouldn't say
you graduated in the top 23
if you were number eight
in your class.
I guess I see your point.
Just out of curiosity, how many
people were in that class?
Probably better we just
don't discuss that anymore.
The point is thanks to me,
you will live to continue
making shitty semantical
arguments to a ripe old age.
Good enough for me.
As long as you don't do anything
really stupid.
Okay, there's one
last story to tell.
Once upon a time,
there was a man and a woman
and they had a little baby.
And the man was very smart
and made lots of things.
And the woman,
she was fierce and tough
and kind of mean to
people that just wanted to be
friends with her and help her
and wear Blue armor.
One last adventure, Grif.
It's been nice
knowing you, Simmons.
'Anyway, there was a big
war one day'
'and the woman had to go fight.'
And she did, she left
and she didn't say goodbye
because she
didn't like saying that.
And then she died.
'And the man was sad
and the baby was sad.'
'So the man decided to make
a special computer program'
'and that program would make
sure that no more soldiers'
would die and no more
people or babies would be sad.
But the man's program
had all of his memories.
'And it remembered the woman.'
And the memories
were too much for it.
So it made a whole new program
based on those memories.
And she was also tough
and she fought.
'And she kept dying.'
'And the program decided
the only way to not be sad'
'was to delete the memories
of the woman and he did.'
And he thought
she was gone forever.
But that's the thing
about a memory.
'You don't get to own it.'
It lives on even after you die
and it goes from
person to person
'and they can tell it to
each other through all of time.'
And they can laugh or they
can cry, or they can do both.
'Because people may
come and go..'
Not even a decent fight.
But memories are what we leave.
'And the best memories
never die.'
Unfortunate.
'Because they can.'
Uh! And everyone
lived happily ever after
and no one hurt me!
The end, the end!
'Uh! Fuckin'...ow.'
Oh, where'd he go?
Aren't we dead yet?
Come on, on your feet, soldier.
Before he comes back.
- Uh, you got it, sir.
- Sir?
Well, you are the new
commanding officer now, sir.
Sir.
I like the sound of that.
How many shots left
in your grenade launcher?
Just one I think.
'Better make it count,
where is it?'
Crap!
The Grifshot.
Ah, fuck!
'Come on, you dirty Blue.'
Let's see what you got.
You cannot stop us.
We are going to kill
you and then kill your friend
and then we are going to march
into Blue Base and get Caboose?
- Caboose?
- Hi guys, shotgun.
What shotgun? This shotgun?
No, shotgun.
- Isn't that your jeep?
- Our jeep?
Our jeep!
Caboose, you did it.
You brought back Church.
Uh, actually,
that was never my plan.
I brought back
something way worse.
Hey there, cock-bites.
- Tex?
- Wow.
- I did not see that coming.
- By the way, I called it.
- Shotgun! Fuck!
- Shotgun! Fuck!
Let's finish this.
- So you brought back Tex?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- Because I wanted to win.
The Meta is very mean.
Yeah, but now
there's two of them.
Well, at least she
seems to be on our side.
Yeah, the losing side.
- We gotta help her.
- Oh, good.
- I like helping my own team.
- Oh no, don't you, ah!
Maybe sit this
one out, Caboose.
- Got it.
- Okay.
You and me, Simmons, on three?
You bet, one, two, three.
- Ah!
- Charge!
Wow, that was super fast.
- 'Oh! Ow!'
- Did you win?
Ow! Ow!
Okay, it worked.
'Medic!'
Wash, why? Why did you do that?
I needed to activate
my emergency beacon.
I could have manually
activated that for you.
What, why didn't you say that?
Because you didn't
tell me the plan.
Hold still already.
You broke your darn leg,
and I don't mean
you gave an excellent
performance in the theater.
- Okay, that wasn't funny.
- I need to see the battle.
Well, I can't even watch.
I'm sure they're getting
their butts kicked...again.
It's kinda their thing.
'Wash, there's just nothing
you can do to help.'
Oh, I think I already did.
- Jesus.
- Oh no.
Yeah, I don't
think Tex is winning.
Okay.
- Is she dead?
- Yeah, and we're next.
I will skip my turn, thanks.
- Where were we?
- Come on guys, think.
We can't just give up,
we have to do something.
At this point,
what do you want to do, pray?
Make a wish?
Throw a penny in a well?
Hope something falls
out of the goddamn sky?
Okay seriously, did you
know that was gonna happen?
Oh, not another one.
Hey, everybody.
- Miss me?
- Carolina!
She's Tex Junior.
What's happening?
She's not even hurting him.
'The Meta's A.I. are
learning too quickly.'
- 'She can't take him alone.'
- Ah!
What?
Holy shit, the teleporter.
- She's back.
- In black...stuff.
Now that's more like it.
Let me go.
Get him.
I guess we're doing this today.
He's still too powerful,
we need a weapon.
Hey, where's Caboose?
Oh.
This looks fun.
What's going on,
can you see anything?
'Yeah, it doesn't look
too good.'
'Oh wait, there's Caboose.'
'What's he holding?'
'That looks
like a rocket launcher.'
We win!
It's facing the..
oh God, no! Caboose, no!
Caboose, don't shoot,
it's backwards.
That team-killing son of a..
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
- Dammit, run!
- You imbecile!
Not my fault.
Someone put a wall in my way.
No, you don't.
'Oh no!'
You lose.
Carolina! Carolina!
Guess who's back?
- Ah!
- You should've stayed dead.
Agent Texas.
You really have been quite a
thorn in our side, haven't you?
But it's over now.
I want you to know that.
You cannot win.
You are just a shadow,
a ghost.
You are the recollection
of a man who was haunted
by your failures,
and so you are doomed
to repeat those failures.
Always doomed.
It would be tragic...if it
was not so goddamned annoying.
I will never join you.
Oh, my dear, Agent Texas,
did you think we wanted you?
Did you think we wanted the sad,
fading memory
of a man long dead?
No.
This is the end...for you.
You're forgetting
one thing, Meta.
This time, I'm not based
on his memories
I'm based on theirs.
And I always kicked their asses.
'Ooh!'
That is so awesome when
it happens to someone else.
You never learn.
What? No!
Co-come on.
Simmons, she needs
that, throw it to her.
Throw it? You mean like a ball?
Like some kind of ball
from sports?
Yeah, we're all gonna die.
No, I can do this.
Simmons, they need a leader,
a good leader.
Now is your time.
You are ready.
I suppose if someone has to be
the leader,
it's better you than me.
Check it out, Simmons.
I got a cheerleader
outfit, woo-hoo!
Why am I thinking about that?
Simmons, just throw
the damn thing.
That...is the best throw ever.
- 'Of all time.'
- 'Yeah.'
That nerd has a really
good arm.
Oh no.
No!
It's activated.
I'm scared.
No! No!
'No!'
Wait, wait, how did I get here?
- What's going on?
- It's okay.
I was trying
to help them I think.
- Did it work?
- Don't worry about that.
I'll tell you all about it.
We'll have plenty of
time in there.
'For us...plenty of time.'
I'm sorry, I...I don't
really remember you.
Do we know each other?
I'll tell you all
about that too.
Okay.
My name is Leonard, by the way.
It's nice to
meet you, Leonard.
My name's Allison.
Allison Church.
- Hey, he's awake.
- 'Oh.'
- Welcome back, Tucker.
- Oh man.
God, I feel like I just woke up
from someone else's nightmare.
What the hell happened?
You fucked everything up real
bad, but it's cool we fixed it.
Are we back home?
Is this Blood Gulch?
It feels like I was gone
a really long time.
Don't worry,
we'll tell you all about it.
Right now,
you just need to rest.
I got pretty fucked up, huh?
Well, let's just say at the
moment, you're a little more
ow-sicka-ow-ow
than bow-chicka-bow-bow.
Eh, eh?
Oh come on, that was funny.
Don't ever do that again.
'We'll need to make sure
this goes somewhere secure.'
If it falls into
the wrong hands
it just starts all over again.
I know.
- How's Tucker?
- Well, he's stable.
That A.I. extraction
wasn't easy on him
but he's through
the worst of it.
We know what that's like.
I don't think Tucker
even noticed me.
He kept asking if there
were any hot nurses.
But don't worry, Wash,
I'll keep an eye on him for you.
Thanks.
- Copy that.
- Copy that.
'You know, we could smuggle'
the recovery unit
out on that transport.
Get it as far away
from here as possible.
- I suppose that's one plan.
- You have another?
No, but I'm sure Tex did.
She always had a plan.
- Didn't she, Caboose?
- Yes, she did.
She told me what to do.
Uh! Thanks.
Goodbye, Tex.
Goodbye, Church.
I think I am going to
go away by myself
and be sad for a little while.
Okay.
You do that.
Why? W-we could have hidden it.
- W-w-we could have--
- No. That was the only way.
It's...what she wanted.
It's over.
You did the right thing,
Caboose.
I know.
The right part is the part
that is the sad part.
- Caboose.
- Let him go, Wash.
- How's the leg?
- Good.
Thanks to good old Doc.
Saved the day again.
- Yeah.
- Just doing my job.
You know...Wash..
...you don't
have to feel guilty..
'...about what happened
on Chorus.'
I know.
'Doc saved you
because that was his job.'
It's not your fault that
he didn't make it out of there.
- She's right, you know.
- I know.
Do you still talk to
him...sometimes?
Yeah, I..
...it makes me feel better.
I miss him.
I like talking to you, bud.
But maybe it's time to let go.
- Doctor's orders?
- It's hard to let go.
So don't let go,
not entirely.
We've all lost someone.
You've lost a lot, Wash.
'But the memories, the
people that defined your life'
'that made you who you are, you
keep a piece of that, always.'
Hold onto them in your heart.
Remember the things
they taught you.
Pull from their strength.
'Learn from their mistakes.'
And grow...from
the special moments
you had in the time
that you were together.
'And remember that even
though they are all gone..'
...we are still here.
And that's all that matters.
'We made it through.'
We're here, I'm here.
I'm really here.
Carolina...am I gonna be okay?
Whatever we're going
to be, we will be it together.
I'm not going anywhere.
I promise.
And next time... you don't
need to jump off a cliff.
Just call.
'Blood Gulch,
evac has arrived.'
'Let's hustle, I wanna be back'
'in the air
before my coffee gets cold.'
- You got it, 479-er.
- 'Wrong number, partner.'
- 'My call sign is One.'
- 471-er?
Ha! Nope, just One.
Huh, never met anyone with
a call sign like that before.
'Well, you never met
anyone like me before.'
'Wheels up in two minutes.'
'Get your passengers on board.'
Copy that.
Whoa, you fixed the shotgun?
Actually just picked
up another one.
Turns out Sarge had
an entire room filled with them
just behind the door
he labeled "janitor's closet."
No wonder I never found them.
- Transport's here.
- Yeah.
I guess this is it.
Are you sure you want to go?
- Yeah...yeah, I'm done.
- Done?
I didn't realize
you had started.
I guess I just feel like
I achieved
everything I wanted to.
- What did you want to achieve?
- Absolutely nothing.
So, you know, mission
accomplished I guess.
Oh.
Well, Simmons..
...if you ever find yourself
back on Earth and--
- I won't.
- I know, I know.
- But if you do.
- Okay. Sure.
- Hey, Simmons?
- Yeah?
You ever figure it out
why we were here?
Nah, it's still a work
in progress for me I suppose.
- How about you?
- No.
I never did figure it out.
But I did reach one conclusion.
- And? What was that?
- If I did have to be here..
...I'm just glad I was
here with all of you.
'Good enough.'
Permission to go
A.W.O.L. forever, sir?
Permission granted.
'Private Grif of Blood
Gulch Output Number One'
'on behalf of the glorious
Red Team, I thank you'
'for your service
and I relieve you of your duty.'
Private, you are dismissed.
Goodbye, Simmons.
Goodbye, Grif.
Looking like
you didn't care
Hey, Red, you stink!
You quitting?
Yeah, suck it,
Blue, I'm leaving.
'Okay, beat it.'
Psst, bye, Grif!
I will actually miss you
but don't worry,
I won't tell anyone.
Goodbye, Caboose.
Hey, Caboose, I just wanna say
after all was said and
done you Blue guys
you actually seemed
like pretty decent dudes.
I'm sorry about all the,
you know, the war stuff.
- No hard feelings?
- Oh, that's okay.
You guys weren't very good
at it anyway.
No.
No, I don't suppose we were.
What are you doing here?
The show's over,
"Red vs. Blue" is over.
Get outta here.
Bow-chicka-bye now.