Regel nr. 1 (2003) Movie Script
Phone for Dr. Sander on Line 2.
RULE NUMBER ONE
AUTUMN 1999
Heidi Storgrd to OR 4.
Are you sure you want
to go through with this?
Of course. Why do you ask?
It's just that...
We haven't really discussed it.
You're my sister.
There's nothing to discuss.
You would do the same for me.
No, wait. I can't.
Let me go.
Get this off me, I'm stuck.
SPRING 2003
- It's Sarah.
- Hi, sweetheart, it's mom.
Mom, can I call you later?
Sure, I was just wondering if you've
invited Caroline to your birthday?
- I can't.
- Pull yourself together.
How often do I have to tell you
she's feeling much better now?
She is not on dialysis
20 hours a week any more.
You have to invite her.
Do it for my sake.
Remember, I'm your mother. I can still
kill you and make a new daughter.
Perhaps not as pretty...
Just do it, okay?
Talk to you later.
Hello?
Yeah.
Hi, Sarah... Yeah.
No, she's not in.
Can I take a message?
Are there free drinks?
We'll be there.
Okay. Cool, bye.
- We're going to a party.
- What?
- On Saturday.
- Why is she inviting us?
I don't know, honey,
She's your sister.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Kenneth.
- Hi.
- There are drinks at the bar.
- The bar doesn't empty itself.
It's been a while.
You look older.
I do?
Stop it.
In a good way.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Congratulations.
Is that for me?
Thanks.
Say it.
Say it!
Schumacher is the one.
All right, time to shift gears!
Stop!
Stop, damn it!
What are you doing, you idiot!
Here, Caroline, do something!
What the hell is wrong with you?
- Honeybun, it's not what you think.
- Not what you think? Prick.
- Stay out of it, Sarah.
- You're disgusting.
Stop it!
I want him out of here now.
- Time to go.
- Okay. Relax.
Caroline.
- Would you like some tea?
- No.
Are you going to leave him?
- Yes.
- Just curious.
How long have you
been living here?
Three years.
Where am I going to go?
I'll die if I have to move in with Mom.
I haven't cleared up, but you're
only sleeping in here anyway.
- We're going out. Meet guys. Party.
- That's the last thing I need.
Stop that. You need to get your hair
mussed. Mussed hair is good for you.
- I don't think that's a good idea.
- And mud baths.
Maybe we should just talk. It's been
so long and so much has happened.
Don't be so morose.
Rule Number One: when you're sad,
you shouldn't talk about sad things.
- Got anything I can sleep in?
- Look in the closet.
And a wrench. I need to tighten
a pipe on your washing machine.
- I haven't got any tools.
- You must have some.
They always come
with a man attached -
- and when I throw my men out,
I toss their tools out after them.
Besides, you'll break your nails.
We'll just have someone come fix it.
Sleep tight.
- Hi.
- What's up?
Listen, I've been braining
about the thing with your sister...
- Okay! He has to be good looking.
- Of course, they all are.
- And no losers.
- These are my friends.
It's just that my sister needs someone
with two feet on the ground.
Maybe John T?
I play golf with him sometimes.
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- There.
- What are you doing?
- What?
- What's that?
- Isn't it okay?
- Don't you have something feminine?
Is it that bad?
Sarah, Sarah.
Excellent. You've got great breasts.
Why hide them in a sports bra?
Isn't it a little tight?
It shows them off and
boosts your self-confidence.
- To have guys staring at my breasts?
- Yeah.
It looks like I've got three breasts.
And these panties feel like
I've got dental floss up my ass.
Every little bit counts.
Try this.
- Then I'll really look like a stripper.
- We'll take it.
You need to make sure he's got some
bite. Or you'll be wasting your time.
He has to be charming and attentive,
but he also has to be a bit of a jerk.
- Try this one too.
- Charming and attentive sound good.
Not sure how big a jerk he should be,
but you shouldn't be too dominating.
- You think I'm too dominating?
- No, no. Just don't be too clever.
- There's no way I'm playing stupid.
- No, no, but don't scare him off.
- Let him strut after fixing the VCR.
- I can manage that myself.
I know. The point is sometimes
you can seem a little too cool.
Poor things. You know they like
to think they're in control.
Try this one too.
You're going to look so good.
You're going to look so good.
- Where are we going?
- If I tell you, it won't be a surprise.
Why are we driving so far?
It's a tradition.
We do it every year.
- Will there be lots of people?
- Some.
I shouldn't have come. Your new
friends are all cool city people.
Relax, it will be fun.
You can't mope around at home
thinking about the monster.
Wearing these shoes
should be an Olympic event.
- Why are we at an airport?
- You'll see...
- You know I'm scared of heights.
- Will you just trust me?
Hi. Caroline, this is John T.
John T, this is Caroline.
- Hey, gorgeous.
- Caroline.
I'll just go get a couple
of smoothies, okay?
- What are you doing?
- Aren't we having a drink?
Say something nice about
his sidecar or something.
We need to find a pack for you.
How much do you weigh?
Weigh?
- Isn't she jumping?
- Jumping? I'm not jumping...
You'll love this.
It almost beats sex.
Remember, arms and legs spread
out like a peeled banana.
And if things go wrong, and
I start to panic, just pull this.
- Wait, I don't think...
- Here we go.
Does anyone have a toothbrush?
- Plane takes off in ten.
- We're all set.
- Sarah, I really want to go home.
- Listen, you jump. I'll drive you.
Give me five minutes.
- Look forward to it.
- I'm going straight to bed.
- Exactly.
- You have to admit he's a little...
Seriously, I don't feel too good.
Okay, no one's forcing you.
If you're not up to it...
See you.
Let me take that.
There.
- Thanks for the ride.
- You're welcome.
Bye.
It was actually a lot of fun.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Let me try.
- They're the wrong keys.
- What?
How about a cup of tea?
- May I use your phone to call Sarah?
- Sure.
Come inside.
- Do I just press the round button?
- Yeah.
- Isn't she picking up?
- No.
You know, Caroline, it's no problem.
You can just crash here.
- Aren't you going back to the party?
- Nah, I can't be bothered.
- It all gets so superficial. Cheers.
- Cheers.
Check it out.
There.
You look like you're feeling better.
Listen, I've only got one bed...
Why don't you go and lie down.
I'll be back in two seconds.
If you need a toothbrush,
there's one in the bottom drawer.
- John T?
- Yeah?
- I'm kind of tired.
- Yeah.
And that thing with my boyfriend
was only a week ago...
So I was hoping you didn't think
we were going to... screw.
No, no.
- You know what I'd really like?
- No?
I'd really like to lie in spoons.
If you don't mind.
Would you?
Sure.
Okay? I knew they had a thing, but
I had no idea it was that serious.
No kidding.
Listen, I've got to go.
What?
That's just it... Yes.
Okay, gotta go. My sister's coming.
See you.
Did you get over your "queasiness"?
Oh, there they are!
What are we celebrating?
That it's been ages since
you were with a real man.
Come on, Caroline, I want details.
Did he show you that trick
he does with his tongue?
- I don't think so.
- You shouldn't miss out.
- He's not my type.
- And so what?
- It could develop into something.
- With John T?
- Is it me? It's cause I picked him.
- Stop it.
And it doesn't matter how hot he is?
Maybe he's a little slick, but
he's in great shape. He's so you.
His breasts were bigger than mine.
So you went home with John T, but
you didn't have sex? Is that possible?
He did look a little startled when
I asked if we could lie in spoons.
Are you okay?
Hi, Mom, happy birthday.
What are you wearing?
It looks like underwear.
- Stop it, Mom.
- Put your hair up. It looks scruffy.
It's supposed to look like this...
Well, then smile.
There's someone I want you to meet.
Mom, don't set me up with anyone.
- Palle, this is Caroline.
- Hi, Palle.
- Caroline is a med student.
- How exciting.
Palle is a stockbroker.
Let me just get a picture of you.
You look so nice together.
Come on. Smile.
You look so pretty when you smile.
I'll take that.
Cheers.
So... Are you almost done studying?
No.
I'm in my second semester.
It's actually been a while
since I attended any classes.
All those exams can be too much.
No, my ex wanted me to get a job
so he could buy a house and a car.
Then my kidneys failed
and I got a kidney transplant.
I spent a lot of time in hospital.
And the last thing
I needed was a lecture -
- on pancreatic juices
or how the body expells waste.
Haven't you gone in yet?
Mom's already tried
to set me up with someone.
That's what I keep telling you,
you need a real man.
- Just want to marry me off or what?
- Of course not.
- Still thinking about the monster?
- It's been a week.
Rule Number One:
when you're down, break something.
What do you mean?
Smash something,
something he likes.
You won't feel better until
you've had revenge.
I'll get it.
They just got a little wet.
- Say Gorgonzola.
- What?
Say Gorgonzola.
He's the type that'll
give you red roses and stuff.
- Oh no.
- What do you mean?
Michael always gave me roses
when he wanted me to forgive him.
I'm not talking about Michael's
patch-up roses from the corner store.
I'm talking about long stemmed,
deep red, elegant thorn free roses.
A bundle of wild flowers from
the side of the road will do for me.
- Not that one.
- I thought you were super-motivated.
- Okay, but this is desperate.
- Desperate sometimes does the trick.
We're fashionably late.
Good things come to those who wait.
Yeah, but we're 45 minutes late.
There they are.
- My ears feel funny, I can't hear.
- Come on, Caroline.
It's an awesome pitch,
celebrities vs. ordinary people.
They throw dice, move game pieces
and answer a couple of questions.
Who wins? Is the neighbor's
daughter better than the celebrity?
And whose side are we on?
The celebrity's or Joe Schmoe?
And it's all outdoors.
No more boring studio recordings.
The idea is: Everyone's a star.
Kind of like outdoor Parcheesi?
Is that your sales pitch?
Outdoor Parcheesi?
Most Japanese eat sushi
with their fingers.
- So what do you do?
- I work in a bike shop.
I used to ride competitively, so ...
You could say I know what
a nipple wrench is used for.
- Don't you ride any more?
- No...
I got sick.
I need to... you know.
I had kidney failure so
I spent a while in hospital.
But I'm fine now. I feel great.
I take a few pills, but
otherwise I live a normal life.
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
- What do you think?
- Do you think I have a chance?
Definitely.
Sometimes I wish I'd invite my brain
along before opening my big mouth.
You look fine.
- You're coming back soon, right?
- In just a second.
I can't screw her, she's ill.
What if she croaks on me?
- But I can always come in her hair.
- She'd never let you.
I'll bet you a thousand I can take her
home tonight and spray her all over.
- Okay, but you have to film it.
- It's a deal.
My nose!
- Did you hit him?
- We're leaving.
No, we're not.
I can't stay here by myself.
They're very small people.
Are you jealous of Patrick and me?
Is that it?
Go on. Run back to your pathetic
manicured lawns and Monet posters.
Just cause you can't cope doesn't
mean you have to spoil it for others.
Typical. Super-selfish Caroline.
Now I remember how you really are.
Typical. Super-selfish Caroline.
Now I remember how you really are.
You'll feel a little prick.
There.
I'd like to make a new appointment.
- The results look fine.
- Yeah.
How about Wednesday the 5th?
That's fine.
Preferably in the morning.
- 10:30.
- That's great.
- Here's a little reminder.
- Thanks. Bye.
I'm looking for a guy
who studies architecture.
When I met him, he was wearing
a T-shirt with your logo on it.
I've got a picture of him.
Could I borrow your copier?
Dear Architect Guy ...
You helped me at the bus stop...
- Department of Defense.
- My name is Caroline kerwald.
Could I speak to someone about those
catastrophe drills you arrange?
- You want to be a casualty?
- What?
Jrgen, we've got another casualty.
One moment please.
Okay.
- Are you with an organization?
- No, I'm just me.
- Don't touch it.
- Okay.
- I just thought it was a little much.
- You're shot and injured, right?
Put your overalls on.
We have to get going.
Check the turn signals.
- Hi, I just wanted to say thanks.
- Thanks for what?
- For helping me at the bus stop.
- Hi, the girl with the lamp.
It's good to see you happy again.
- You're going to be a casualty?
- I thought I'd try it.
You'll ruin your clothes. Why didn't
they give you a pair of overalls?
- It's okay.
- No, let's find you a pair.
- It's okay, really.
- Follow me.
Here you go.
- Could you hold this?
- Sure.
- Are you often a soldier?
- No, I'm studying architecture.
Okay! Exciting.
- What houses will you build?
- I design furniture mostly.
- What do you do?
- I work in a bike shop.
Here.
Lie down there.
Good.
Listen, it's a little deep here,
can I move over there?
You don't think you can decide where
you fall when you get shot, do you?
Are you comfortable?
All clear! Roll!
Sebastian?
This drill is over for you, soldier.
Hold your nose and blow.
Don't worry, We'll have you
checked thoroughly at the ER.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you doing here?
I'm in a catastrophe drill.
What about you?
I was lighting the barbecue.
Good going, no? Now I'm stuck here
and my party goes on without me.
Never mind.
Are you okay?
Should I slap your back?
Have I got mud all over my face?
Yeah, there's a little there.
- Is it gone now?
- There's some there too.
And there.
It's funny.
I know this guy called Bo.
He wanted a new haircut
for the winter season.
You know...
...with slick patches.
Know what? I'm a Rotary Club member.
You should come to our wine tasting.
- That could be fun.
- What are you doing next Tuesday?
- I don't think I've got anything.
- So we'll...
- No.
- Yes.
- Are you ready to order?
- I'm skipping the food.
Get us another two
of these little devils?
But you're freezing.
They've got Karaoke. Come on.
- Palle, I'm not much for Karaoke,
- Everyone loves Karaoke.
- Please, Palle.
- I want to sing Karaoke.
Could we have another two -
- bone dry martinis?
This song is dedicated to
the beautiful, warm and lovely Linda.
Palle, where do you live?
Where do you live, Palle?
What did you say?
I didn't catch that.
I'll just follow him to the door,
I won't be a second.
Come on.
Try to stand up Palle.
I better help him in.
Thanks for the ride.
Look out.
Come on, Palle.
You're doing great, Palle.
Straight ahead.
Palle, where are your keys?
Come on, Palle.
- I love you, Linda.
- My name isn't Linda.
- We're going to snuggle.
- I'll just get your keys, Palle. There.
Good.
Sit down here, Palle.
Who the hell are you?
- I'm with Palle.
- Palle?
What the hell are you doing, Palle?
Are you out of your mind?
What are you doing here?
And stop pissing on my sofa.
Sit down. Don't move.
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
Palle, stop it. Palle, stop.
- That's a pretty sight, Palle.
- Stop it, Palle.
- The officer in charge, please.
- Palle, stop it.
How mature of you, Palle.
You brought your water pistol.
050478-1222.
Caroline kerwald,
Jollevej 22, Hvidovre.
Yes.
Linda, I want you!
- How do you know our friend Palle?
- Through my mother.
We were on a date.
I don't really know him.
You do realize you're being charged
with harassment and illegal entry.
I was just with Palle.
I thought he lived there.
There's a restraining order on Palle.
And what about the pistol?
Where did you get that?
It's Palle's.
You better sleep it off here.
We'll go over it again tomorrow.
- But I haven't done anything.
- Of course you haven't.
Linda!
Hi.
- Is it him now?
- Don't we go together well?
I hate you.
So tell me.
- What?
- Everything.
I hate you.
- Thanks.
- Here's to your first big customer.
She hasn't signed yet,
but if she doesn't...
She will. Of course, she will.
She's the biggest pain in the ass
I've ever met.
She knows what she wants.
And that's you.
Is it Rikke from Freezone
you're talking about?
She called to say
she was contacting another firm.
What?
I thought Lars told you.
He says it comes as no surprise.
But she can't do that.
What did she say?
She said something about amateurs...
- I've got to meet Ole, I've got to go.
- But we just got here.
I better mingle.
- I'll be back soon.
- Yeah, okay.
We'll squeeze in the fun later.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
- See you later.
- Sure.
Yeah. We put the top down
and went driving up the coast.
If anyone ever told me I'd ever care
about camshafts and carburetors...
But he is.
You can laugh, but I'm ready for it.
A country house and a big bushy dog.
It happens to even the best of us.
Imagine! A white wedding...
Church bells...
You feel that way too?
I'll call you right back.
- What are you doing?
- I'm tired of being on sale.
Rule Number One: don't take your
frustrations out on your wardrobe.
You know what, Sarah?
You can stick your rules up your ass.
I'm so sick and tired of hearing about
what is done and what isn't done.
Then find somewhere else to live,
cause I don't have to put up with this.
Have you washed your hands? Got
to keep an eye on them constantly.
Hi, I'm Caroline.
Thanks for having me over.
- The bathroom is that way.
- Is that the only one there is?
- You'd have to go through here...
- That's no problem.
They're battling.
It's pretty entertaining.
You get used to it.
It's an expensive apartment,
and some of the others paid...
I'm willing to negotiate.
I'm no capitalist landlord so -
- if we get to know each other and -
- we get along then I don't
see why I have to strip you clean.
- Is it nice living with Sarah?
- Let's talk about something else?
You shouldn't have left Michael
before you'd found a place to live.
Can't you patch things up?
You can't always have it your way.
Mom, I caught him with his dick
down someone else's throat.
- Oh, is that all?
- I don't think that's okay.
No, no, of course not,
but couldn't you talk about over?
Look out.
- I saw a really good film yesterday.
- On your own?
- Mom...
- Okay, okay.
- I'll be right there.
- There's a problem with my lamp.
- It's the fitting I think...
- Hi. I didn't recognize you.
Hi.
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
- You weren't too badly hurt?
- No.
- You never told me your name.
- I'm Caroline.
- I'm Sebastian.
- Hi.
- I thought you studied architecture.
- This is just a part-time job.
- Nice lamp.
- It's just a little broken.
We don't have a repair shop,
but I can probably fix it for you.
- I'll have to take it home.
- Okay.
If you want, you can come along
and wait while I fix it.
I'm thinking of starting
my studies again.
- What were you studying?
- Medicine.
But I've been away for three years.
My ex-boyfriend felt
you couldn't be a real couple -
- unless you had a house and a car, so
we got the big package. House, car...
He even started looking
at summerhouses and boats.
And he insisted
we move to the suburbs.
- Where are you originally from?
- Aarhus.
It's stupid not to draw a line
and say enough is enough.
In the end I just sat there
and all of my dreams slipped away.
I should have left ages ago.
- Hi, Patrick.
- Hey, beautiful.
- Where were you yesterday?
- I lost track of time.
- I was all alone waiting for you.
- just couldn't get away.
I'm going to be late again tonight.
We're going out to celebrate.
You know, we just finished the pilot.
Hold on a second.
Listen, that was Ole again.
I've got to go.
I'll call you later, okay?
Bye.
- And what then?
- I ended up in a detention cell.
To sleep it off.
- No.
- Yes.
So it's been one disaster
after the other.
Sure sounds that way.
I'm sorry... Sorry.
There are better ways
to get me undressed, Sebastian.
Yeah, but this way
I get to feel you up a little.
I'll make a fresh pot.
Sorry, sweetheart.
Hi, Sofie.
I was on my way home and I thought,
why don't I stop by and say hello -
- and buy some fresh croissants
and pick up some of my stuff.
- Six, three apiece.
- Great.
Caroline, Caroline.
Time to get up.
I'm really sorry, I overslept.
We really need to hurry. Let's go.
- Caroline...
- Let's take a shower together.
Not now. And please do me a favor.
Sneak out the back door, would you?
- Why?
- Because I'm in a hurry.
Here are your clothes.
It's my refrigerator too!
Is that what you're looking for?
An ordinary bitch like that?
- Relax, damn it!
- You must have been really drunk!
What do you expect?
I expect you not to pounce on
the first thing you set eyes on.
I was thinking...
The other day...
I shouldn't have walked out on you.
That was silly.
Maybe it's time we talked a little.
Just someone begging door to door.
Caroline, what you said
the other day...
Get lost, small fry.
We're not interested.
Caroline.
- Caroline, are you in there?
- Where were we?
I'll get it.
Honeybun, open up, damn it.
I want to talk to you.
Sweetie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was such an idiot.
But maybe this break
was a good thing.
It's given me time
to think and think and think...
And I can see now
that I need to work a few things out.
Who am I?
How do others see me?
Damn it, Caroline, I love you.
- And I'll do anything...
- Did you call that plumber?
- Michael, are you still here?
- Out!
I thought I heard someone whining.
Where's that tequila-bitch of yours?
I know I've done a lot of stupid
things. But it meant nothing.
Can't we just go home
and talk things over?
Want a cup of tea to go?
- Well, I can't stay here forever.
- You shouldn't move for my sake.
Please.
Anything but that plank.
Do you remember that
extra TV we had lying around?
I made a shelf for it.
Now you can watch TV in bed.
- Are you hungry?
- A little.
When we met... that Michael guy,
whatever happened to him?
It's as though the last few years...
Straight out of the oven.
It's as though I've been avoiding
a lot of stuff. Bottling things up.
But that's over.
For example, you've always said
that Kenneth was a fool.
And you're completely right.
He ruins everything.
He just can't take care of
other people's things.
He took my race car the other day
and now it's just...
Completely smashed up.
- Michael...
- Kenneth's going straight to nowhere.
And I told him if he comes round
I'm going to bash his head in.
That's the real Michael.
He can stand up for himself.
Do you like the sausage?
It's good.
Cheers.
Isn't it great?
It didn't cost much
and we did have some savings...
It's beautiful there. It's only
three miles to the nearest lake.
And all it took was a small
loan to buy a boat too.
A small loan?
It will be hard to start with,
but we're two.
Just wait till you see it.
It's what we've always dreamed of.
I'll make some coffee.
Caroline?
Caroline?
Sarah, what are you doing?
I thought I would do
anything for you.
But I couldn't stand the thought
of them cutting me. I just couldn't.
I couldn't.
I panicked.
I felt like...
Isn't there a risk that the body
will reject the new kidney?
Yes.
I know people who
have had several transplants.
But I've been lucky, Sarah.
I have to eat my pills,
but I feel fine now.
Just the fact that I'm not
on dialysis is such a relief.
You're crazy.
Is there more of that champagne?
Men are pigs.
Maybe you just need
to look elsewhere.
Maybe you'll fall for
a garbage man or a school teacher.
I don't want a garbage man
and definitely not a school teacher.
You starfucker.
Leave that one hanging please.
We haven't got a man around
to take care of that sort of thing.
That's the other phone.
Hang on, I'll check who it is.
- Hello?
- It's Patrick.
- What do you want?
- It's been a while. Let's meet up.
- You're one special brand of stupid.
- What do you mean, babe? I miss you.
You know what, Patrick?
Up yours.
It was just an obscene caller.
That sounds fine. See you then.
What is it you don't understand?!
It's Sebastian, is Caroline home?
Sebastian? Who do you think you
are treating my sister like that?
- I called to say I'm sorry.
- That's always a good bandaid.
- Can I talk to Caroline?
- Nope. Apologize first.
My ex came by to pick up some stuff.
It wasn't something I planned.
- Caroline hates smooth talkers.
- I'm not a smooth talker.
Can I talk to Caroline?
She's not home.
Hi.
Hi.
I was thinking maybe we could
go have a cup of something.
I have neither the time
nor the inclination.
Okay.
You also need to pick up
your lamp some time.
Listen.
If you think you can -
- come waltzing in here and say,
"Oops, sorry", and everything's okay -
- then you're mistaken.
Caroline, she just came
to pick up some of her stuff.
Thanks.
Will I see you again?
Maybe.
I just need to get my bag...
Two seconds.
I had to hurry, so I didn't
have time to buy any.
I know they're a little...
You've spoken to my sister.
She said it was a sure thing
with a bunch like that.
Did you sleep
at the laundromat last night?
Was he nice?
Sarah, Rule Number One: always
keep a bottle of champagne on ice.
I've got something for you.
- For me?
- Yes.
- A present?
- You could call it that. Here, open it.
And your own keys.
RULE NUMBER ONE
AUTUMN 1999
Heidi Storgrd to OR 4.
Are you sure you want
to go through with this?
Of course. Why do you ask?
It's just that...
We haven't really discussed it.
You're my sister.
There's nothing to discuss.
You would do the same for me.
No, wait. I can't.
Let me go.
Get this off me, I'm stuck.
SPRING 2003
- It's Sarah.
- Hi, sweetheart, it's mom.
Mom, can I call you later?
Sure, I was just wondering if you've
invited Caroline to your birthday?
- I can't.
- Pull yourself together.
How often do I have to tell you
she's feeling much better now?
She is not on dialysis
20 hours a week any more.
You have to invite her.
Do it for my sake.
Remember, I'm your mother. I can still
kill you and make a new daughter.
Perhaps not as pretty...
Just do it, okay?
Talk to you later.
Hello?
Yeah.
Hi, Sarah... Yeah.
No, she's not in.
Can I take a message?
Are there free drinks?
We'll be there.
Okay. Cool, bye.
- We're going to a party.
- What?
- On Saturday.
- Why is she inviting us?
I don't know, honey,
She's your sister.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Kenneth.
- Hi.
- There are drinks at the bar.
- The bar doesn't empty itself.
It's been a while.
You look older.
I do?
Stop it.
In a good way.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Congratulations.
Is that for me?
Thanks.
Say it.
Say it!
Schumacher is the one.
All right, time to shift gears!
Stop!
Stop, damn it!
What are you doing, you idiot!
Here, Caroline, do something!
What the hell is wrong with you?
- Honeybun, it's not what you think.
- Not what you think? Prick.
- Stay out of it, Sarah.
- You're disgusting.
Stop it!
I want him out of here now.
- Time to go.
- Okay. Relax.
Caroline.
- Would you like some tea?
- No.
Are you going to leave him?
- Yes.
- Just curious.
How long have you
been living here?
Three years.
Where am I going to go?
I'll die if I have to move in with Mom.
I haven't cleared up, but you're
only sleeping in here anyway.
- We're going out. Meet guys. Party.
- That's the last thing I need.
Stop that. You need to get your hair
mussed. Mussed hair is good for you.
- I don't think that's a good idea.
- And mud baths.
Maybe we should just talk. It's been
so long and so much has happened.
Don't be so morose.
Rule Number One: when you're sad,
you shouldn't talk about sad things.
- Got anything I can sleep in?
- Look in the closet.
And a wrench. I need to tighten
a pipe on your washing machine.
- I haven't got any tools.
- You must have some.
They always come
with a man attached -
- and when I throw my men out,
I toss their tools out after them.
Besides, you'll break your nails.
We'll just have someone come fix it.
Sleep tight.
- Hi.
- What's up?
Listen, I've been braining
about the thing with your sister...
- Okay! He has to be good looking.
- Of course, they all are.
- And no losers.
- These are my friends.
It's just that my sister needs someone
with two feet on the ground.
Maybe John T?
I play golf with him sometimes.
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- There.
- What are you doing?
- What?
- What's that?
- Isn't it okay?
- Don't you have something feminine?
Is it that bad?
Sarah, Sarah.
Excellent. You've got great breasts.
Why hide them in a sports bra?
Isn't it a little tight?
It shows them off and
boosts your self-confidence.
- To have guys staring at my breasts?
- Yeah.
It looks like I've got three breasts.
And these panties feel like
I've got dental floss up my ass.
Every little bit counts.
Try this.
- Then I'll really look like a stripper.
- We'll take it.
You need to make sure he's got some
bite. Or you'll be wasting your time.
He has to be charming and attentive,
but he also has to be a bit of a jerk.
- Try this one too.
- Charming and attentive sound good.
Not sure how big a jerk he should be,
but you shouldn't be too dominating.
- You think I'm too dominating?
- No, no. Just don't be too clever.
- There's no way I'm playing stupid.
- No, no, but don't scare him off.
- Let him strut after fixing the VCR.
- I can manage that myself.
I know. The point is sometimes
you can seem a little too cool.
Poor things. You know they like
to think they're in control.
Try this one too.
You're going to look so good.
You're going to look so good.
- Where are we going?
- If I tell you, it won't be a surprise.
Why are we driving so far?
It's a tradition.
We do it every year.
- Will there be lots of people?
- Some.
I shouldn't have come. Your new
friends are all cool city people.
Relax, it will be fun.
You can't mope around at home
thinking about the monster.
Wearing these shoes
should be an Olympic event.
- Why are we at an airport?
- You'll see...
- You know I'm scared of heights.
- Will you just trust me?
Hi. Caroline, this is John T.
John T, this is Caroline.
- Hey, gorgeous.
- Caroline.
I'll just go get a couple
of smoothies, okay?
- What are you doing?
- Aren't we having a drink?
Say something nice about
his sidecar or something.
We need to find a pack for you.
How much do you weigh?
Weigh?
- Isn't she jumping?
- Jumping? I'm not jumping...
You'll love this.
It almost beats sex.
Remember, arms and legs spread
out like a peeled banana.
And if things go wrong, and
I start to panic, just pull this.
- Wait, I don't think...
- Here we go.
Does anyone have a toothbrush?
- Plane takes off in ten.
- We're all set.
- Sarah, I really want to go home.
- Listen, you jump. I'll drive you.
Give me five minutes.
- Look forward to it.
- I'm going straight to bed.
- Exactly.
- You have to admit he's a little...
Seriously, I don't feel too good.
Okay, no one's forcing you.
If you're not up to it...
See you.
Let me take that.
There.
- Thanks for the ride.
- You're welcome.
Bye.
It was actually a lot of fun.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Let me try.
- They're the wrong keys.
- What?
How about a cup of tea?
- May I use your phone to call Sarah?
- Sure.
Come inside.
- Do I just press the round button?
- Yeah.
- Isn't she picking up?
- No.
You know, Caroline, it's no problem.
You can just crash here.
- Aren't you going back to the party?
- Nah, I can't be bothered.
- It all gets so superficial. Cheers.
- Cheers.
Check it out.
There.
You look like you're feeling better.
Listen, I've only got one bed...
Why don't you go and lie down.
I'll be back in two seconds.
If you need a toothbrush,
there's one in the bottom drawer.
- John T?
- Yeah?
- I'm kind of tired.
- Yeah.
And that thing with my boyfriend
was only a week ago...
So I was hoping you didn't think
we were going to... screw.
No, no.
- You know what I'd really like?
- No?
I'd really like to lie in spoons.
If you don't mind.
Would you?
Sure.
Okay? I knew they had a thing, but
I had no idea it was that serious.
No kidding.
Listen, I've got to go.
What?
That's just it... Yes.
Okay, gotta go. My sister's coming.
See you.
Did you get over your "queasiness"?
Oh, there they are!
What are we celebrating?
That it's been ages since
you were with a real man.
Come on, Caroline, I want details.
Did he show you that trick
he does with his tongue?
- I don't think so.
- You shouldn't miss out.
- He's not my type.
- And so what?
- It could develop into something.
- With John T?
- Is it me? It's cause I picked him.
- Stop it.
And it doesn't matter how hot he is?
Maybe he's a little slick, but
he's in great shape. He's so you.
His breasts were bigger than mine.
So you went home with John T, but
you didn't have sex? Is that possible?
He did look a little startled when
I asked if we could lie in spoons.
Are you okay?
Hi, Mom, happy birthday.
What are you wearing?
It looks like underwear.
- Stop it, Mom.
- Put your hair up. It looks scruffy.
It's supposed to look like this...
Well, then smile.
There's someone I want you to meet.
Mom, don't set me up with anyone.
- Palle, this is Caroline.
- Hi, Palle.
- Caroline is a med student.
- How exciting.
Palle is a stockbroker.
Let me just get a picture of you.
You look so nice together.
Come on. Smile.
You look so pretty when you smile.
I'll take that.
Cheers.
So... Are you almost done studying?
No.
I'm in my second semester.
It's actually been a while
since I attended any classes.
All those exams can be too much.
No, my ex wanted me to get a job
so he could buy a house and a car.
Then my kidneys failed
and I got a kidney transplant.
I spent a lot of time in hospital.
And the last thing
I needed was a lecture -
- on pancreatic juices
or how the body expells waste.
Haven't you gone in yet?
Mom's already tried
to set me up with someone.
That's what I keep telling you,
you need a real man.
- Just want to marry me off or what?
- Of course not.
- Still thinking about the monster?
- It's been a week.
Rule Number One:
when you're down, break something.
What do you mean?
Smash something,
something he likes.
You won't feel better until
you've had revenge.
I'll get it.
They just got a little wet.
- Say Gorgonzola.
- What?
Say Gorgonzola.
He's the type that'll
give you red roses and stuff.
- Oh no.
- What do you mean?
Michael always gave me roses
when he wanted me to forgive him.
I'm not talking about Michael's
patch-up roses from the corner store.
I'm talking about long stemmed,
deep red, elegant thorn free roses.
A bundle of wild flowers from
the side of the road will do for me.
- Not that one.
- I thought you were super-motivated.
- Okay, but this is desperate.
- Desperate sometimes does the trick.
We're fashionably late.
Good things come to those who wait.
Yeah, but we're 45 minutes late.
There they are.
- My ears feel funny, I can't hear.
- Come on, Caroline.
It's an awesome pitch,
celebrities vs. ordinary people.
They throw dice, move game pieces
and answer a couple of questions.
Who wins? Is the neighbor's
daughter better than the celebrity?
And whose side are we on?
The celebrity's or Joe Schmoe?
And it's all outdoors.
No more boring studio recordings.
The idea is: Everyone's a star.
Kind of like outdoor Parcheesi?
Is that your sales pitch?
Outdoor Parcheesi?
Most Japanese eat sushi
with their fingers.
- So what do you do?
- I work in a bike shop.
I used to ride competitively, so ...
You could say I know what
a nipple wrench is used for.
- Don't you ride any more?
- No...
I got sick.
I need to... you know.
I had kidney failure so
I spent a while in hospital.
But I'm fine now. I feel great.
I take a few pills, but
otherwise I live a normal life.
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
- What do you think?
- Do you think I have a chance?
Definitely.
Sometimes I wish I'd invite my brain
along before opening my big mouth.
You look fine.
- You're coming back soon, right?
- In just a second.
I can't screw her, she's ill.
What if she croaks on me?
- But I can always come in her hair.
- She'd never let you.
I'll bet you a thousand I can take her
home tonight and spray her all over.
- Okay, but you have to film it.
- It's a deal.
My nose!
- Did you hit him?
- We're leaving.
No, we're not.
I can't stay here by myself.
They're very small people.
Are you jealous of Patrick and me?
Is that it?
Go on. Run back to your pathetic
manicured lawns and Monet posters.
Just cause you can't cope doesn't
mean you have to spoil it for others.
Typical. Super-selfish Caroline.
Now I remember how you really are.
Typical. Super-selfish Caroline.
Now I remember how you really are.
You'll feel a little prick.
There.
I'd like to make a new appointment.
- The results look fine.
- Yeah.
How about Wednesday the 5th?
That's fine.
Preferably in the morning.
- 10:30.
- That's great.
- Here's a little reminder.
- Thanks. Bye.
I'm looking for a guy
who studies architecture.
When I met him, he was wearing
a T-shirt with your logo on it.
I've got a picture of him.
Could I borrow your copier?
Dear Architect Guy ...
You helped me at the bus stop...
- Department of Defense.
- My name is Caroline kerwald.
Could I speak to someone about those
catastrophe drills you arrange?
- You want to be a casualty?
- What?
Jrgen, we've got another casualty.
One moment please.
Okay.
- Are you with an organization?
- No, I'm just me.
- Don't touch it.
- Okay.
- I just thought it was a little much.
- You're shot and injured, right?
Put your overalls on.
We have to get going.
Check the turn signals.
- Hi, I just wanted to say thanks.
- Thanks for what?
- For helping me at the bus stop.
- Hi, the girl with the lamp.
It's good to see you happy again.
- You're going to be a casualty?
- I thought I'd try it.
You'll ruin your clothes. Why didn't
they give you a pair of overalls?
- It's okay.
- No, let's find you a pair.
- It's okay, really.
- Follow me.
Here you go.
- Could you hold this?
- Sure.
- Are you often a soldier?
- No, I'm studying architecture.
Okay! Exciting.
- What houses will you build?
- I design furniture mostly.
- What do you do?
- I work in a bike shop.
Here.
Lie down there.
Good.
Listen, it's a little deep here,
can I move over there?
You don't think you can decide where
you fall when you get shot, do you?
Are you comfortable?
All clear! Roll!
Sebastian?
This drill is over for you, soldier.
Hold your nose and blow.
Don't worry, We'll have you
checked thoroughly at the ER.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you doing here?
I'm in a catastrophe drill.
What about you?
I was lighting the barbecue.
Good going, no? Now I'm stuck here
and my party goes on without me.
Never mind.
Are you okay?
Should I slap your back?
Have I got mud all over my face?
Yeah, there's a little there.
- Is it gone now?
- There's some there too.
And there.
It's funny.
I know this guy called Bo.
He wanted a new haircut
for the winter season.
You know...
...with slick patches.
Know what? I'm a Rotary Club member.
You should come to our wine tasting.
- That could be fun.
- What are you doing next Tuesday?
- I don't think I've got anything.
- So we'll...
- No.
- Yes.
- Are you ready to order?
- I'm skipping the food.
Get us another two
of these little devils?
But you're freezing.
They've got Karaoke. Come on.
- Palle, I'm not much for Karaoke,
- Everyone loves Karaoke.
- Please, Palle.
- I want to sing Karaoke.
Could we have another two -
- bone dry martinis?
This song is dedicated to
the beautiful, warm and lovely Linda.
Palle, where do you live?
Where do you live, Palle?
What did you say?
I didn't catch that.
I'll just follow him to the door,
I won't be a second.
Come on.
Try to stand up Palle.
I better help him in.
Thanks for the ride.
Look out.
Come on, Palle.
You're doing great, Palle.
Straight ahead.
Palle, where are your keys?
Come on, Palle.
- I love you, Linda.
- My name isn't Linda.
- We're going to snuggle.
- I'll just get your keys, Palle. There.
Good.
Sit down here, Palle.
Who the hell are you?
- I'm with Palle.
- Palle?
What the hell are you doing, Palle?
Are you out of your mind?
What are you doing here?
And stop pissing on my sofa.
Sit down. Don't move.
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
Palle, stop it. Palle, stop.
- That's a pretty sight, Palle.
- Stop it, Palle.
- The officer in charge, please.
- Palle, stop it.
How mature of you, Palle.
You brought your water pistol.
050478-1222.
Caroline kerwald,
Jollevej 22, Hvidovre.
Yes.
Linda, I want you!
- How do you know our friend Palle?
- Through my mother.
We were on a date.
I don't really know him.
You do realize you're being charged
with harassment and illegal entry.
I was just with Palle.
I thought he lived there.
There's a restraining order on Palle.
And what about the pistol?
Where did you get that?
It's Palle's.
You better sleep it off here.
We'll go over it again tomorrow.
- But I haven't done anything.
- Of course you haven't.
Linda!
Hi.
- Is it him now?
- Don't we go together well?
I hate you.
So tell me.
- What?
- Everything.
I hate you.
- Thanks.
- Here's to your first big customer.
She hasn't signed yet,
but if she doesn't...
She will. Of course, she will.
She's the biggest pain in the ass
I've ever met.
She knows what she wants.
And that's you.
Is it Rikke from Freezone
you're talking about?
She called to say
she was contacting another firm.
What?
I thought Lars told you.
He says it comes as no surprise.
But she can't do that.
What did she say?
She said something about amateurs...
- I've got to meet Ole, I've got to go.
- But we just got here.
I better mingle.
- I'll be back soon.
- Yeah, okay.
We'll squeeze in the fun later.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
- See you later.
- Sure.
Yeah. We put the top down
and went driving up the coast.
If anyone ever told me I'd ever care
about camshafts and carburetors...
But he is.
You can laugh, but I'm ready for it.
A country house and a big bushy dog.
It happens to even the best of us.
Imagine! A white wedding...
Church bells...
You feel that way too?
I'll call you right back.
- What are you doing?
- I'm tired of being on sale.
Rule Number One: don't take your
frustrations out on your wardrobe.
You know what, Sarah?
You can stick your rules up your ass.
I'm so sick and tired of hearing about
what is done and what isn't done.
Then find somewhere else to live,
cause I don't have to put up with this.
Have you washed your hands? Got
to keep an eye on them constantly.
Hi, I'm Caroline.
Thanks for having me over.
- The bathroom is that way.
- Is that the only one there is?
- You'd have to go through here...
- That's no problem.
They're battling.
It's pretty entertaining.
You get used to it.
It's an expensive apartment,
and some of the others paid...
I'm willing to negotiate.
I'm no capitalist landlord so -
- if we get to know each other and -
- we get along then I don't
see why I have to strip you clean.
- Is it nice living with Sarah?
- Let's talk about something else?
You shouldn't have left Michael
before you'd found a place to live.
Can't you patch things up?
You can't always have it your way.
Mom, I caught him with his dick
down someone else's throat.
- Oh, is that all?
- I don't think that's okay.
No, no, of course not,
but couldn't you talk about over?
Look out.
- I saw a really good film yesterday.
- On your own?
- Mom...
- Okay, okay.
- I'll be right there.
- There's a problem with my lamp.
- It's the fitting I think...
- Hi. I didn't recognize you.
Hi.
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
- You weren't too badly hurt?
- No.
- You never told me your name.
- I'm Caroline.
- I'm Sebastian.
- Hi.
- I thought you studied architecture.
- This is just a part-time job.
- Nice lamp.
- It's just a little broken.
We don't have a repair shop,
but I can probably fix it for you.
- I'll have to take it home.
- Okay.
If you want, you can come along
and wait while I fix it.
I'm thinking of starting
my studies again.
- What were you studying?
- Medicine.
But I've been away for three years.
My ex-boyfriend felt
you couldn't be a real couple -
- unless you had a house and a car, so
we got the big package. House, car...
He even started looking
at summerhouses and boats.
And he insisted
we move to the suburbs.
- Where are you originally from?
- Aarhus.
It's stupid not to draw a line
and say enough is enough.
In the end I just sat there
and all of my dreams slipped away.
I should have left ages ago.
- Hi, Patrick.
- Hey, beautiful.
- Where were you yesterday?
- I lost track of time.
- I was all alone waiting for you.
- just couldn't get away.
I'm going to be late again tonight.
We're going out to celebrate.
You know, we just finished the pilot.
Hold on a second.
Listen, that was Ole again.
I've got to go.
I'll call you later, okay?
Bye.
- And what then?
- I ended up in a detention cell.
To sleep it off.
- No.
- Yes.
So it's been one disaster
after the other.
Sure sounds that way.
I'm sorry... Sorry.
There are better ways
to get me undressed, Sebastian.
Yeah, but this way
I get to feel you up a little.
I'll make a fresh pot.
Sorry, sweetheart.
Hi, Sofie.
I was on my way home and I thought,
why don't I stop by and say hello -
- and buy some fresh croissants
and pick up some of my stuff.
- Six, three apiece.
- Great.
Caroline, Caroline.
Time to get up.
I'm really sorry, I overslept.
We really need to hurry. Let's go.
- Caroline...
- Let's take a shower together.
Not now. And please do me a favor.
Sneak out the back door, would you?
- Why?
- Because I'm in a hurry.
Here are your clothes.
It's my refrigerator too!
Is that what you're looking for?
An ordinary bitch like that?
- Relax, damn it!
- You must have been really drunk!
What do you expect?
I expect you not to pounce on
the first thing you set eyes on.
I was thinking...
The other day...
I shouldn't have walked out on you.
That was silly.
Maybe it's time we talked a little.
Just someone begging door to door.
Caroline, what you said
the other day...
Get lost, small fry.
We're not interested.
Caroline.
- Caroline, are you in there?
- Where were we?
I'll get it.
Honeybun, open up, damn it.
I want to talk to you.
Sweetie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was such an idiot.
But maybe this break
was a good thing.
It's given me time
to think and think and think...
And I can see now
that I need to work a few things out.
Who am I?
How do others see me?
Damn it, Caroline, I love you.
- And I'll do anything...
- Did you call that plumber?
- Michael, are you still here?
- Out!
I thought I heard someone whining.
Where's that tequila-bitch of yours?
I know I've done a lot of stupid
things. But it meant nothing.
Can't we just go home
and talk things over?
Want a cup of tea to go?
- Well, I can't stay here forever.
- You shouldn't move for my sake.
Please.
Anything but that plank.
Do you remember that
extra TV we had lying around?
I made a shelf for it.
Now you can watch TV in bed.
- Are you hungry?
- A little.
When we met... that Michael guy,
whatever happened to him?
It's as though the last few years...
Straight out of the oven.
It's as though I've been avoiding
a lot of stuff. Bottling things up.
But that's over.
For example, you've always said
that Kenneth was a fool.
And you're completely right.
He ruins everything.
He just can't take care of
other people's things.
He took my race car the other day
and now it's just...
Completely smashed up.
- Michael...
- Kenneth's going straight to nowhere.
And I told him if he comes round
I'm going to bash his head in.
That's the real Michael.
He can stand up for himself.
Do you like the sausage?
It's good.
Cheers.
Isn't it great?
It didn't cost much
and we did have some savings...
It's beautiful there. It's only
three miles to the nearest lake.
And all it took was a small
loan to buy a boat too.
A small loan?
It will be hard to start with,
but we're two.
Just wait till you see it.
It's what we've always dreamed of.
I'll make some coffee.
Caroline?
Caroline?
Sarah, what are you doing?
I thought I would do
anything for you.
But I couldn't stand the thought
of them cutting me. I just couldn't.
I couldn't.
I panicked.
I felt like...
Isn't there a risk that the body
will reject the new kidney?
Yes.
I know people who
have had several transplants.
But I've been lucky, Sarah.
I have to eat my pills,
but I feel fine now.
Just the fact that I'm not
on dialysis is such a relief.
You're crazy.
Is there more of that champagne?
Men are pigs.
Maybe you just need
to look elsewhere.
Maybe you'll fall for
a garbage man or a school teacher.
I don't want a garbage man
and definitely not a school teacher.
You starfucker.
Leave that one hanging please.
We haven't got a man around
to take care of that sort of thing.
That's the other phone.
Hang on, I'll check who it is.
- Hello?
- It's Patrick.
- What do you want?
- It's been a while. Let's meet up.
- You're one special brand of stupid.
- What do you mean, babe? I miss you.
You know what, Patrick?
Up yours.
It was just an obscene caller.
That sounds fine. See you then.
What is it you don't understand?!
It's Sebastian, is Caroline home?
Sebastian? Who do you think you
are treating my sister like that?
- I called to say I'm sorry.
- That's always a good bandaid.
- Can I talk to Caroline?
- Nope. Apologize first.
My ex came by to pick up some stuff.
It wasn't something I planned.
- Caroline hates smooth talkers.
- I'm not a smooth talker.
Can I talk to Caroline?
She's not home.
Hi.
Hi.
I was thinking maybe we could
go have a cup of something.
I have neither the time
nor the inclination.
Okay.
You also need to pick up
your lamp some time.
Listen.
If you think you can -
- come waltzing in here and say,
"Oops, sorry", and everything's okay -
- then you're mistaken.
Caroline, she just came
to pick up some of her stuff.
Thanks.
Will I see you again?
Maybe.
I just need to get my bag...
Two seconds.
I had to hurry, so I didn't
have time to buy any.
I know they're a little...
You've spoken to my sister.
She said it was a sure thing
with a bunch like that.
Did you sleep
at the laundromat last night?
Was he nice?
Sarah, Rule Number One: always
keep a bottle of champagne on ice.
I've got something for you.
- For me?
- Yes.
- A present?
- You could call it that. Here, open it.
And your own keys.