Relative (2022) Movie Script

Breakfast is ready!
Whoo. Thank you, dear.
You are very welcome.
Good morning, Benji.
Do you have time
for breakfast before you go?
No. I'm running late.
You should eat
something before you go.
I will eat when I get back.
I guess it's just us.
Fuck you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
You cannot be fucking serious!
How can it be over?
I want to die.
Why do you say that?
I don't want to live anymore.
Hey, you're gonna be okay.
Let's just focus on getting
through the weekend, okay?
Oh, God.
I almost wish
we didn't have to go.
Then we don't have to go.
We don't have to go
if you don't want to go.
Or... you can go,
and Emmie and I can stay here.
No. No. We've got to go.
They're expecting us.
Hey. Hey.
You have to learn to do
what you want to do, okay?
I mean... if you're
really dreading this,
then just don't do it.
We can't all be like you, Luce.
We can't just do
whatever we want to do.
Mommy! Mommy! Can I come in?
Of course you can, baby. Hi!
He's coming this week.
Where are my keys?
All right, can you make sure
to feed the cats, please?
I will feed-- Mmm...
I love you. I love you.
Love you, too.
All right. And please give
my love to everybody, okay?
Tell Benji I'm sorry
I couldn't be there.
I will.
And please text me
when you get there
so I know you made it safe.
I will. Love you, babe.
Love you. I'll text you
when I feed the cats!
Well, speaking of Boston,
when do Norma
and Evonne arrive?
Well, Norma should be here...
pretty soon.
You know how she is.
Well, I'm off.
Have a good day.
You, too.
I love you.
And I just hope
that I was able to transfer
not only my knowledge
about the subject,
but also my passion for it
to you as well.
If any of you need
a humanities credit,
I would be honored
to have any of you
in my class in the fall.
So, maybe I'll see
some of you there.
If not, have a nice life.
Class dismissed.
Hey, Benjamin, can I
talk to you for a minute?
Sure. What's up?
I have really enjoyed
having you in my class.
Your writing is so cogent.
Are you gonna be
around next fall?
Oh, no. This is actually
my last class as an undergrad.
Yeah, I just needed the one
final humanities credit.
But I really enjoyed it.
So, you're walking tomorrow.
Well, congratulations.
Your family must be proud.
Thank you. Yeah, they are.
Well, I just want you
to know that I think
you have a real talent
for writing about art.
I mean, it's a skill
that I hope
that you're able
to use in the future.
Oh. I don't know.
My parents, they always, um...
raised me to appreciate art,
but I'm actually
a science major.
So, I'll probably only
be appreciating art
from a distance going forward.
Continue writing, Benjamin.
Thanks, Dr. Bradley. I will.
It was a pleasure.
Mine, too.
All right, then, best of luck.
Here's your laundry.
Leave it there. Thanks.
Okay. We've talked about this
over and over again.
Your mother may tolerate it,
but I won't.
You cannot smoke marijuana
in this house, Rodney.
It helps me relax, okay?
Relax from what?
You know, let's talk
about that, huh?
When was the last time you...
applied for a job?
Oh, this isn't
about weed, is it?
I just need to know your plan.
I love you, but...
I mean, I ask myself
how you ended up this way,
and I just can't help but think
that it's because of Sa--
Dad, do not say her name.
I swear to God,
you're gonna snap
a fucking tendon in my brain.
There are no tendons
in the human brain, son.
You know what I mean.
we need to have
a serious conversation.
Oh, a serious conversation?
You want to talk about
the book you're reading,
the one about death?
Okay. Fine. You don't
want to talk to me.
Maybe you'll talk
to your mother.
But, you know,
when she retires,
we won't be able to keep you
afloat like this forever.
I know that your heart
is broken--
Dad, stop. I'm in the middle
of something, and you're
embarrassing yourself.
Excuse me. I'd like to know
how to download a book.
Okay. I can help you with that.
Do you want to read an e-book,
or do you want to listen
to a downloadable audio book?
Hmm. I'm not sure
what the difference is.
Well, you read an e-book
on an e-reader,
and you listen
to an audio book.
My son got me a Kindle
for my birthday.
Ah. Do you know
what kind it is?
I'm not sure.
can you check
your e-mail on it?
Yes, I think so.
Great. Then it's probably
a Kindle Fire.
Do you have it with you?
Great. Okay.
Oh, this is a nice one.
Here. Let's...
Hey, Norma! Ho ho ho!
Hey, Daddy! How are you?
Oh, I'm great.
How was the drive?
It was so easy.
I made good time actually.
Good, good. Well, come on in.
Thank you.
Hey, Rod, get your ass up here!
Norma's here!
Why is he
in the basement?
Oh, he thrives down there
in the darkness,
like a fungus.
Dad! Come on.
Well, he didn't want to move
back into his old bedroom.
Too many memories, I guess.
Hey, Norma.
Uh. Rod.
You look older.
Has it been that long?
You look exactly the same.
How are you?
-Good, good. How are you?
Hail, hail.
The gang's all here.
Oh, my god. Benji!
Congratulations, brother.
Thank you.
Thanks for coming.
Yeah. Are you kidding?
I wouldn't miss it
for the world.
You just get in?
Is Evonne here?
No. She's coming down
on the train tomorrow.
Listen, your mother and I
are going to a potluck
at the P.O. Box
Collective tonight,
and I hope you can all join us.
Can't do it.
Davey's got tee-ball.
The potluck runs
from five till nine.
What time does the game start?
Jesus fucking Christ, Dad.
I said I can't do it.
I'm sorry, Dad.
I can't do it either.
You know my buddy Chase?
He's flying home
for the summer tomorrow.
And so, I told him I'd get
pizza with him tonight.
On a night that
your sister's here?
Oh, it's fine.
If you have plans,
you've got plans.
I'm sure we'll all have
plenty of time
to spend with each other
I told Chase I'd have pizza
with him tonight.
Invite him to the potluck.
A bunch of hippies
eating vegan food?
It's not exactly
his scene, Dad.
Okay. So, what is this potluck?
Oh, you should go. It's fun.
Yeah? Yeah. It sounds like...
A bunch of us got together
in the neighborhood
and leased the old
post office on Glenwood
and turned it into a space
for community gatherings.
The food's pretty good, too.
Very cool.
We're working with a group
called Food Not Bombs
to recover food
from local grocery stores
that would ordinarily
just get thrown away,
and we're redistributing it.
We're asking
everybody that comes
to bring a side dish.
Oh. Well, that sounds good.
Listen, if you get
get done early, son,
you might want
to try and drop by.
It isn't often
that you kids get--
I'll try my best. I promise.
David, Karen, hey.
How are you?
I'm so glad you came.
Hey, Salome.
I want you to meet
Norma, our eldest.
Norma, here. Let me hug you.
She's from Iowa.
Nice to meet you.
Iowa? Come on.
Let me show you around.
Stephanie, this is Norma.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
George, Norma...
Karen and David's daughter,
from Iowa.
Jill, Norma.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Aaron, excuse me. Norma...
Karen and David's daughter.
-Thank you.
Mmm! Tavern-style,
This is the true Chicago way.
Don't try to hand me none
of that deep-dish bullshit.
I hear you...
to a certain extent.
What do you mean
"a certain extent"?
Don't get me wrong.
Deep-dish is for the tourists.
But I like my thin crust
cut traditionally,
because I believe
the crust should be
like a handle
by which you can
hold the slice,
because look at this slice
in the middle here.
There's no way you can eat that
without putting your thumb
directly on the cheese
and getting
greasy cheese fingers.
Who wants to do that?
I do, motherfucker.
Watch this. Watch. Watch.
-Mmm! Mmm!
Hey, I know that girl
over there, the blond.
We had a class together
a couple years ago.
No shit?
And I kind of want
to talk to her.
Riddle me this, Benji--
if you had to choose
between never having any soup
again for the rest of your life
or never having oral sex again
for the rest of your life,
which would you choose?
What the fuck are you
talking about?
It's a hypothetical question.
I mean, okay, let's just say
somebody had a gun to your head
and forced you to choose
and was like,
"Motherfucker, pick one!"
What would you say?
No soup.
No, no, no!
You're just saying that
because that's your first
knee-jerk reaction.
No, I want you to really think
about this for a moment.
You can never have
any soup again
for the rest of your life.
Okay. And someone's
gonna follow me around
with a gun and shoot me
in the head
if I get a blowjob?
It's ridiculous.
Or if you eat pussy.
Get the fuck out of here.
But no soup means
no tomato soup,
no cream of broccoli,
no minestrone, no pozole, no--
I get it, dude.
There's a lot of different
kinds of soup.
No. See, I don't think
you do get it.
Now, I'm not accepting
your final answer
till you had a chance
to sleep on it.
Right. I'll text you
my answer tomorrow.
Meantime, I'm gonna
talk to that girl.
Oh. Good luck.
More pizza for me.
Hey, you're Hekla, right?
That's right.
I'm Benji Frank.
We had a geography class together
a couple years ago.
Oh, yeah! Dr. Wagner's class.
Hey, what can I get you?
Hey, can I get another
gin martini, please?
-You got it.
-Thank you.
Now, I remember that class,
but I cannot say
I remember you.
Oh. Well, it must have
been more memorable
for me than it was for you.
You know, I remember
that class being
boring as shit.
Really? Well,
that was the class
that made me want to
major in geography.
Ha. I am so sorry.
I did not mean to offend you.
Hey, geography isn't
useless, you know.
It's not like getting a major
in theater
or something like that.
I'm a theater major.
Are you serious?
I swear to God I'm an actress.
Oh, my god. No, I'm so--
Uh, I'm sure your
acting training--
Seriously, I'm sure
your acting training
is useful and all. I'm just...
Aren't the chances
of you, like, making it
kind of slim?
Okay, that depends on how
you define "making it."
I'm not trying to be an actress
so that I can be,
like, rich and famous.
I want to be a stage actress,
because, I mean, I love to act.
I don't see any reason
why I can't support myself
doing that after I graduate.
That's cool.
Um... so, are you
graduating tomorrow?
No. I actually have
another year.
What about you?
Yeah, yeah,
I'm walking tomorrow.
So, Benji...
what does one do
with a geography degree?
Aside from teach geography?
I'm going to be a geographic
information systems specialist.
No shit?
What is that?
It means I'll be, um...
analyzing spatial locations
and organizing layers
of information
into visualizations
using 3D maps and...
I don't want to bore you.
Basically, I'm gonna go
work for Google Maps.
-That's awesome.
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
So, okay, what you're
basically telling me is...
you are a digital cartographer.
That is exactly
what I am. Mm-hmm.
Amazing. Well, you know what?
Okay, Benji, you might be
the only person
to get practical use
out of that degree.
I think that deserves
Hey, come here.
I want you to meet my friends.
Okay. Um...
Whoo! No soup, my ass.
David, you did a good job
with the pasta salad.
Yeah, it's really good.
You know what this
reminds me of,
this feeling of community
they have here?
Do you remember
when we were kids,
and we'd go to Uncle Joe
and Aunt Stevie's house
every year, and all
the men would be, like,
hanging out in the living
room watching football,
and Grandpa would sit
in that big La-Z-Boy
and fall asleep?
Yeah. And all the women
would be slaving away
in the kitchen. Ha ha ha ha!
And then, as kids,
we'd be outside,
I mean, playing those games,
playing "Capture the Flag"
and "Red Rover."
Ha. Hmm.
So... what's prompting
this stroll down memory lane?
I don't know.
Maybe it's because
we used to eat
off paper plates like this.
But also I've been
thinking lately...
that I, um... I used to think
things would always
be like that.
Like, I mean, I knew
Grandma and Grandpa,
they weren't gonna
live forever,
and, I mean, I knew we'd all go
and start families
of our own one day.
But... I don't know.
I just thought that,
the more things changed,
the more they'd
also stay the same.
Only they didn't.
Well, that's what happens.
I mean, you kids are
scattered far and wide.
You have obligations
of your own.
Look, I'm just glad
we see each other
as often as we do,
even if it is just one on one.
I'm glad that I still
have two daughters
who live in the Midwest.
Ha ha ha.
And we all still
get along with each other...
more or less.
It's true. I think
I just feel guilty,
I feel guilty for making
so many sacrifices
for Barney and the kids
and... yeah.
I wish we lived
closer to Chicago.
Well, feel free to...
move back anytime.
So, what kind of name
is Hekla anyway?
It's Icelandic.
Mmm. Is that where your...
like, your heritage?
Yeah, on my dad's side.
Have you ever been?
To Iceland? Yes, actually.
I went for the first
time last summer.
And let me tell you,
oh, it was amazing.
Yeah? How so?
Well, it's full of geysers
and waterfalls...
and progressive
hard-drinking atheists.
Wow. It's so cold,
they have nothing better to do
than get drunk
and not believe in God.
Actually, it's not very cold.
Okay. Well, that sounds
like paradise.
What's the population?
Only about 350,000 people.
So, basically, everyone
in Iceland is related.
Yes! They actually have
this very real risk
of, like, accidental incest.
They've got this app
that you can download
where you can bump your phone
up against somebody else's,
like, if you're
at a bar or something,
and it will make
a warning sound
if they're a close relative.
That's amazing.
Did you use the app?
Oh, of course.
I downloaded it
right before I left.
And you'll never believe this.
The very first bar
I went to, yes,
this guy started talking to me,
and I bumped my phone
up against his,
and the alarm went off.
He was my second cousin.
No way. So, you didn't
go home with him.
No, I totally fucked him.
So... how are you guys feeling
about having a nest that's
still only half empty?
Oh, don't be
so pessimistic, Norma.
We prefer to think
of the nest as half full.
Are you guys looking
forward to tomorrow?
Oh, of course.
We haven't had the whole
family together in...
what, two years?
Well, there's no point
in waiting up any longer.
Ha ha ha. No.
I'm pretty tired, and we all
have a long day. So...
Well, listen,
if you want, Norma,
you can stay up and watch TV.
No. I'm good. I'm tired, too.
But actually, I was
thinking about something.
Um... have you guys considered
putting this place up
as an Airbnb?
Well, because I think
you guys can make
a lot of money renting out
our old bedrooms.
Yeah. Well, that...
that's a thought.
I'm... I don't know
how I'd feel about
a lot of strangers coming
through here, though.
I mean, you never know who's
a psychopath these days.
Ha ha ha. Besides,
it's hard enough
to keep this place clean
with just Rod and Benji here.
Well, you're welcome to get rid
of some of my childhood things.
I mean, you don't really
need to still have
"The X-Files" on VHS anymore.
You know, I have a better idea.
Let's just leave
the room the way it is,
and we'll market the Airbnb
as a place for aging hipsters.
Yes, a monument
to the lost youth
of those who came of age
in the late 1990s.
Ha ha ha! All right,
give me your plates.
I'll do dishes.
What the fuck are you doing?
Snorting a line
of cocaine. What?
Do you know there's
probably, like,
a hundred people who can see
what you're doing right now?
I thought you college kids
were supposed to be,
like, fucking tolerant.
How old are you?
Dad doesn't want me
smoking in the house.
Someone could call
the cops on you, Rod.
How do you think Dad
would feel about that?
Who's gonna call
the fucking cops?
Why are you such a fuckup?
Well, now you're
just being rude.
No. I mean, seriously,
why are you so content
just sitting around all day
like a fucking sloth?
Don't you know
what a burden it is
to Mom and Dad?
Hey, man, you live here, too.
Yeah. That's because
I go to school near here,
and it's fucking
convenient for me.
I'm moving out
at the end of the month
like a responsible
fucking adult.
You're 34 years old, dude.
It's been four years
since you and Sarah broke up--
You don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.
You never even
fucking talk to me.
So, do not act like
you have any fucking clue
what's going on
in my life. Okay?
And I have a fucking job.
I have several jobs.
I got that freelance
sound design gig
and that other thing...
maybe next month.
Fucking work. I've worked
more than you have
in your entire
fucking life, okay?
And I'm trying to get
back on my feet.
So, can I please just have
a little bit
of fucking compassion?
Compassion? You want me to have
compassion for you?
I would have some fucking
compassion for you
if you weren't such
a fucking asshole!
I mean, seriously,
you should be embarrassed
that you have to ask
Mom and Dad
if you can move back in,
but for some reason,
you act like you're an entitled
fucking jerk all the time.
Oh, "entitled."
Is that the new campus buzzword?
Don't you remember growing up,
when Mom used to say
she couldn't wait
until she retired?
Well, guess what.
She's 66, and you know the reason
she hasn't retired yet?
It's because you're here
on a permanent vacation,
and she has to support
your lazy ass.
I know that it is easy for you
to stand down there
and judge me.
I know because I know
that you have never
fucking felt it, man,
the real despair,
and that's fine.
I'm actually a little
jealous of you,
because I used to be
just like you.
I was happy. I felt good.
My life was going
fucking great.
So, until you do know
the fucking terror...
step the fuck off, Benji!
I don't even know
what you're talking
about right now.
Dad calls me a fungus, man.
A fungus.
Just wait
till that fucking fungus
starts growing on you.
Okay. Hey, just because
we're brothers
doesn't mean I'm gonna
be a fuckup like you.
It's in me, it's in you, man.
I'm still coming
to your fucking party.
What did you think
of what Norma said?
What she said about what?
About the disintegration
of our family.
Disintegration? That's
a pretty strong word, isn't it?
You know, I knew exactly
what she was talking about,
even though I pretended not to.
Your first impulse
has always been
to smooth things over.
That's a good quality.
Yeah, but... maybe
if I didn't always ignore
the shortcomings
of our children,
things would have worked
out better for them.
They might have
turned out better.
My god, David.
Are they really that bad?
I... I...
I mean, it's not like
any of them became Republicans.
Yeah. Well, Rod
is a Libertarian,
and that's worse.
Rod is not a Libertarian!
In the last election,
he was just dabbling.
Yeah, I hope so.
Rod is lucky to be alive.
But he's still here,
and we have to be here for him,
no matter what.
It's the only way
he's gonna heal.
Yeah. We have to try.
Are you
all alone tonight?
Why masturbate alone
when you can have me
or any of my friends
do the work for you?
Just log in or sign up below,
enter your credit-card
and you can choose between me
and any of my hot party girls.
We hope to see you soon.
So, how was
your potluck?
Oh, my god.
It was wonderful.
I wish we had something
like that in Bettendorf.
Well, there's no reason
why you can't start
your own local chapter.
That's true.
You should have
been there, Benji.
You missed out on some
good food, good company.
I know.
I was going to come,
but then I met a girl
at The Hopleaf,
and we were embroiled
in conversation.
Well, of course, you were.
Well, now this is
a valid excuse.
Who is she?
Her name is Hekla.
She's a theater major.
That means "volcano"
in Icelandic.
She is...
Look, she is Icelandic.
It's not that pretentious.
Well, Benji, do you
want to go downstairs
and roust your brother
out of bed,
or should I do it?
I don't know how late
he was out last night,
but I am not going to
let him sleep all day,
especially with
your sisters in town.
Mmm. Speaking of which,
Evonne's train
is due in at 11:00.
Anyone want to come with me
to pick them up?
Yeah, I'll go with you.
I think you'd
better get him up.
He and I got
into it last night.
Oh, goodness.
Promise me you two
will behave yourselves today.
It'll be fine.
I just don't feel
like talking to him right now.
Yes, yes, yes. I fucking...
I fucking beat you!
Yes, I fucking beat your ass!
Got time for a talk, son?
Yeah. I'm at a good
stopping place.
Yeah? Yeah.
So, did, uh...
Did Davey win his game?
No, they lost.
He got a single, though.
Oh. Well, that's good. Um...
Benji said you and he
got into it.
Yeah, because he picked
a fight with me.
I was minding my own
fucking business.
Look, I believe you. I...
I know how he can be.
I just need to ask a favor,
that you try to be
on your best behavior
this weekend.
There are a lot
of people here tonight,
and your mother and I
want things to run smoothly.
Yeah, fine.
Ah. But there's something else
we need to talk about now.
What is
The bill for the internet
and the cable came yesterday,
and it's over $300.
It's not what you think.
Well, what do you
think I think?
That I'm watching porn all day.
Well, aren't you?
No, Dad. Jesus.
Nobody pays for that stuff.
Well, my credit-card
information is stored
in that television.
It's a serious abuse of trust
for you to abuse that.
What are you spending
my money on, son?
I have a right to know.
I didn't think it was
gonna be that much.
Didn't think what
was gonna be that much?
Look, I'll pay
you back. I'm sorry.
What is, Rodney?
Do you remember when I told you
Sarah was modeling?
Yeah. Uh...
I think "fetish modeling"
is the phrase you used.
She's a...
She's a cam girl.
I don't know what that--
I'm not jerking off to her.
It's just this is the only way
I can see her.
This is the only way
I can talk to her,
in her chat room.
Well, can she see you?
No. I don't have a camera.
She thinks I'm someone else.
Oh, Jesus, Rodney.
Where's your self-respect?
Look, I... I know
it's a cliche,
but time really does
heal all wounds.
You... you... Man, you just
have got to give yourself
a little more space.
I just love her so much!
I don't know what else to do!
It's all right.
It's all right, son.
I know how you feel.
I was young, too, once.
All right. All right.
Well, hello!
There they are. Hi!
Our chariot awaits.
Good to see you.
Hi, Mama. Hi, Norma.
Look who it is!
Can you believe it? Go say hi.
Hi, Norma.
Hello, baby. How come
you've grown so much?
How are you?
I'm good. Mommy had
to go to the hospital
because she was sad.
Evonne, are you all right?
I'm... Mom, I'm fine.
Let's just not make
a big deal about this.
Don't tell Dad
or the boys, okay?
Let's go, okay?
Let's load in. Let's load in.
There you go.
Can you believe it?
Hey, Dad!
Hey, baby doll!
Still smoking, huh?
Oh, well, now,
what the hell else
does a retired man
have to live for
besides cigars
and craft beer, huh?
Good to see you, Evonne.
Oh, and, Lucie, you're
a sight for sore eyes.
Now, you didn't put that
"Black Lives Matter" sign up
just because you knew
I was coming, did you?
No. I almost took it down
because you were coming.
Ha ha ha. Uh! And Emma!
Oh, little Emma, how are you?
Hmm? Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
How are you?
I'm good, Grandpa. You stink.
Did you miss me?
Oh, I missed you.
I did.
Oh, well, let's go inside
and see your uncle.
What do you say?
Huh? Off we go.
She's honest. Ha ha ha!
Come on.
Karen, you know
how to do this.
Oh, sure.
Here we go.
I'll just go right here.
Here we go.
All right. Everybody ready?
It's going off
in a few seconds.
Say, "Queso."
All right! Let's go!
We're gonna be late.
Timing is everything.
I love it!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, thank you.
Anybody got a key?
Okay. Here we go.
Ha ha ha!
Very, very hot.
Very hot.
would you go to the store
with your father
and get some wine
and some beer?
The girls and I will
put together some appetizers.
Thank you, sir.
I just volunteered us.
Very and hot. And I'm starving.
Where are you off to?
Hey. Hey!
All right. Yes. We're cooking.
Aw, these are
so beautiful.
Aw... Emma, good job.
He's so cute.
Hey, Benji. Going somewhere?
Yeah, I have to go and run
an errand real quick.
Mm-hmm. An errand?
Yeah. I'll be back soon.
Mm-hmm. You know,
you're just as much
of a disappointment as Rod.
You're just more
polite about it.
Save me a beer.
I'll be back soon.
Jesus Christ.
Okay. I'll be back to pick
you up in two hours, okay?
So, when your dad
asks about me,
you can tell him I'm fine,
but don't give him any details.
And if something goes wrong
and you feel like
you want to talk to me,
just tell Grandma and Grandpa,
and they'll give me
a call, okay?
Mom, you just said a bad word.
I know. Come on.
And I'm saying,
"What the hell are you
doing with all of this?"
And he said, "Well, they only
sell them by the dozen."
And so the entire backseat
is filled with it.
Hey, it's Davey!
Hi, Sarah.
Hi, David, Rod.
Hey, little man.
So, I'm just dropping him off.
I'll be back to pick him up
in, like, a couple hours, okay?
Can we talk for a sec
before you leave?
You know, I'm just
supposed to be
somewhere else right now.
It's important.
It'll just take,
like, one minute.
Listen, Davey,
why don't we go inside?
You can see your Uncle Benji
and your aunts.
No. You know, you all
can go in together
because I was supposed
to be at my mom's,
like, five minutes ago.
I've got to go.
I'll... I'll be back
to pick him up soon. Okay?
I heard you got a hit
last night, huh?
Yeah. I got a single.
Oh, man! That is really great.
Guess who,
Mr. Digital Cartographer.
Could it be
Miss I Want To Be An Actress
But Not The Famous Kind?
You know it. Ah.
Hey. How was graduation?
It was, uh...
I need a drink.
Well, you came
to the right place.
What do you need, man?
He will have
a Chicago Handshake,
and I will have
a shot of Malort.
And you can put it on my tab.
You got it.
I was supposed to do that.
Consider it a graduation gift.
Thank you.
Thank you.
-Ha ha ha!
Davey, you remember
your cousin Emma, don't you?
Sure, you do.
You saw her just last year.
Honey, that was two years ago
when Davey was only seven.
Is that right?
Jeez. Time flies.
Hey, little man, what's this,
a present for your
Uncle Benji's graduation?
No. It's a Father's Day
gift for you.
It is?
Father's Day isn't for
another couple weeks.
I know, but our teacher
had us make these
before the school year ended,
and I wanted to
give it to you now.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
A picture of me.
No, it's a puzzle.
It is?
Yeah. We took pictures
and cut them up
into jigsaw puzzles.
And then we had to
put them back together
and tape the back.
Well, look at that.
Thanks, buddy.
Do you like it?
I love it.
Do you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get it framed,
and I'm gonna put it
someplace special.
Hey, have you guys seen Benji?
He's upstairs, isn't he?
Somebody should go get him.
Yep. Someone should.
Knock, knock!
Hey, fat boy!
Party don't start
till I walk in!
Where do I get
my cheap American beer?
Are you kidding me, fat boy?
There's nothing but the expensive
stuff tonight.
Okay. I will make
that sacrifice
on Benji's behalf.
I will get up on that cross,
and I will drink
his fancy-schmancy craft brew.
How are you, Karen?
Fine, Stevie. How are you?
I'm pretty good, pretty neat.
Nice to have the family
all together again, huh?
Where's Benji?
When I was a kid,
I always wanted to travel,
but my parents couldn't really
afford to take me anywhere.
By the time I was eight,
both my sisters and my brother
were in college.
So, money was tight.
But I always liked maps.
I guess it was kind of
this way for me to...
travel without really
leaving the house.
What about you?
Is there a formative moment
when you knew you wanted
to be an actress?
Yeah. Um...
When I was in high school,
I had this amazing
drama teacher,
Miss Blaidie,
and on the first day
of class, she said,
"If teaching high-school drama
"at the age of 60
is Oskaloosa, Iowa,
"doesn't sound
appealing to you,
get the fuck out."
Your phone is blowing up, man.
Yeah. My parents are
throwing a little, um..
get-together, and they're
trying to get me to come home.
Dude, you're Benji the Hunted.
What's the occasion?
Just a little graduation thing.
They're having a party for you?
Yeah. But I live with them.
So, I can see them
whenever I want.
Well, who's all there?
Well, my brother is there,
but he's a fucking asshole.
My nephew, my uncle,
and my aunt should be there.
Uh... my sisters are
both there from out of town.
Your sisters came
from out of town?
Yes, but one is from Iowa,
and the other's from Wisconsin.
So, it's not really
that big of a deal.
Damn, boy, you should
probably be there.
Well, the truth is...
I haven't stopped
thinking about you
since we met last night.
I mean, I had such a good time.
I just wanted to keep
the conversation
going, you know.
I didn't give a damn
about graduating today.
Okay, that was pretty smooth.
But, dude, your sisters came
all the way here to see you.
I mean, you need to
go home, like now.
You and I can literally
have a drink at any time.
All right.
I'll go home...
on the condition
that you come with me.
Won't your family
think it's a little weird
if you bring a stranger
to this get-together?
Yeah, probably.
Okay, let's do it.
It's a very difficult
subject for some people.
Do you feel close to the veil?
The veil?
I have a different recipe now,
because Mom is...
like, the baking is
a little too much for her.
Oh, the feathers they do now
integrated with flowers.
I've loved the library
since I was seven years old.
Are you kidding?
And then you realize
that it doesn't matter
what you've accomplished.
And it just leaves you
with this empty feeling,
and it's really hard to know
how to present yourself
to the end of your own life.
Do you see what I'm saying?
I would read
to the kids.
Twelve years old?
I was the story girl.
I sat on a stool.
Little kids would
come in and sit down,
and I would read stories.
That was my first job.
It was the best place to be.
I love the library.
You wouldn't believe what
they can do with toast.
The visual things--Yeah.
Japan has this
special kind of bread,
and we put this panko
and buttermilk powder
into it. The look of it--
-Sounds good.
-Oh, unbelievable.
And if you could teach me
how to make it on Pinterest...
Not on Pinterest.
I could just show you it.
You've got to just
kind of drool and dream.
Have you ever seen the toys
down in the basement?
I don't think so.
Okay. Tell me what I need
to know before we get there.
All right. Well,
I'm 10 years younger
than my closest sibling.
That's my sister Evonne.
My parents didn't think they could
have kids anymore.
So, they were shocked
when they found out
my mom was pregnant.
You were an "oops" baby.
Anyways, Evonne and our
older sister, Norma,
they're both totally normal.
They're married, kids,
the whole nine yards.
And I get along with them both.
But our brother Rod, as I said,
is a fucking asshole.
Where does he live?
My parents' basement.
He's 34 years old.
He's an Iraq war veteran,
and he came home
with PTSD and a Purple Heart.
Oh, that's terrible.
Yeah. I mean,
I think he uses it
as an excuse to make people
feel sorry for him.
I mean, I think the only reason
he enlisted to begin with
is because our
parents are hippies
and he just wanted
to piss them off.
And he had an opioid
problem for a while,
but now he's scaled back
to just beer and weed,
which is... weird.
Well, if he's single now,
you think you could
set him up with me?
Yeah? Is that your type?
I swear, I am going to
strangle Benji
the minute he walks
in the door.
Grandpa, can we go
play in the basement?
Oh, you certainly may.
Oh, wait a minute. Oh, Rod?
There isn't
anything in your room
you wouldn't want your son
to find, is there?
Of course not.
All right. Well,
you guys go have fun.
Relax. Benji just texted.
He's on his way in an Uber...
with Hekla.
He's bringing a date? Here?
Lucie, have you guys
experienced any racism
since you moved?
-I'm just asking.
It's okay. Um...
Well, uh... there's
always gonna be
little things here and there,
but thankfully nothing major.
That's good. I always
thought Wisconsinites
weren't as enlightened
as people here.
You do know Chicago
is the most segregated city
in the U.S., right?
Rod, it's not like Wisconsin
is the Deep South.
I'm from the South, you know.
Oh, I know.
Isn't Texas, like, Southwest?
It does not get any more
southern than Brownsville.
It's, like,
the most southern part
of the continental
United States.
No. That's Key West.
Continental, Rod.
On the land part.
Oh, yeah. I hear that's
such a beautiful part
of the country.
It is. Anyway,
to answer your question,
um, I think the worst thing
that's happened
was I got my tire slashed,
but in Chicago,
before we even moved
to Madison.
But, um, I don't think we ever
really knew who did it or why.
Yeah. Could be
because we're gay.
Or a combination of the two.
Hey, hey, hey!
Oh! Oh, the prodigal
son returns! Ha ha! Oh!
Congrats on graduating, Benji.
So, now that Benji
is all graduated
and got a big job at Google,
any wedding bells in the air?
Well, we just met last night.
So, probably not.
Oh, my goodness.
I thought you were
the girl we met last year.
No. That must have been
some other girl.
I'm so sorry.
No worries.
Uncle Joe and Stevie,
this is Hekla.
I knew you weren't the one
from last year.
It's nice
to meet you, sweetheart.
I'm Joe.
Nice to meet you!
Congratulations, Benji!
Oh. So, Hekla,
now, you're an actress.
Is that right?
Oh. So, Benji's already
told you about me, huh?
Oh, don't get too excited.
That's pretty much all we know.
Well, I live for acting.
It is my one
true passion in life.
But, you know, if Benji
plays his cards right,
maybe he could become
another lesser passion.
That is so cool.
No, it really is.
I mean, I was always hoping
that at least one of my kids
would become an artist.
We made them go
to dance classes
and music classes
and art classes
when they were growing up.
And guess what happened.
They all ended up
math and science types.
Well, that's kind of the way
it works, isn't it?
I mean, my parents
are Trump supporters
in Nebraska.
So, you could say
I disappointed them, too.
So... you must be Hekla.
I am. You must be Evonne.
I am. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So, you're the one he picked up
at the bar last night, yeah?
Actually, you know...
I picked him up.
Do you know
the word--oh--man trap?
I do. That's
an old-school word.
Well, that's me.
I'm the proverbial
blond man trap.
Cheers to that.
Sorry she's not
talking to you, Rod.
Is there anything
I can do to help?
No, thanks. I just want
to get fucking hammered.
Why masturbate alone
when you could have me
or any of my friends
do the work for you?
Hey, um...
Are you sure you still want
to make an announcement today?
Of course I am.
It'll just be like
ripping off a Band-Aid.
One it's done,
it will be over with.
I've always hated
ripping off Band-Aids.
You know, you're
always lecturing me
about being genuine.
You don't have to be so nice
to everyone in my family.
What's that supposed to mean?
I mean, when Rod
and Norma ask you
about... racism.
You're always saying
how annoying it is
when white people ask you
to educate them about race.
Hold on--
If they were
customers in our shop,
you wouldn't put up with that
for two seconds.
No, no, no, Evonne.
It's all relative.
You know that, right?
I mean, they...
These are not customers
in our shop.
These are your siblings.
Context is everything.
Just don't fake being nice.
If you don't want this relationship
to continue--
I like your family.
I like Rod's bluntness.
It's refreshing.
Yeah, he's blunt because
he's brain-damaged.
And I do still care about you.
I wouldn't be here
if I didn't, honey.
Please don't say that.
Jesus Christ, Luce.
I tried so hard
to be what I thought
you wanted me to be.
I can't believe
I tried polyamory!
What's polyamory?
Oh, my god.
Hi, honey. All right.
Let's get
this party started!
I'll get it.
It's Sarah.
I think your mom
is here, Davey.
You know what?
It's after nine o'clock.
You know what that means.
It's time to say
good night to everybody
so we can go upstairs
and get ready for bed.
I don't want to go to bed.
I don't know, Rod.
We've been over this
and over this.
We're just going
in circles now.
No, there's something else
I have to tell you,
something you need to know.
I'm Karma Police.
I'm Karma Police
from your chatroom.
Yeah, yeah. No,
I know what you mean.
I just can't
fucking believe it.
Anyway, I just wanted
to let you know,
because I'm not gonna be able
to chat with you
moving forward and...
You know, Rod...
you may never have learned
how to fuck my body,
but you are intricately
fucking my mind!
Is that bad?
Oh, my god! You are
a sick fuck, Rod!
You need help,
professional help.
Well, I just wanted
to let you know,
if you ever want to talk,
you can always call me.
Okay. Okay. Um...
I'm gonna get Davey,
and I'm getting
out of here now.
Okay. Everybody listen up, huh?
I want to have
everybody's attention.
I would like to propose a toast
to Benji, the miracle
baby of this family.
Orson Welles once said
that a film director
is someone who presides
over a series
of happy accidents,
and the same could be
said for parenthood.
And Benji is
the happiest accident
Karen and I have ever had.
Now, even though,
if he hadn't shown up,
we might have had an empty nest
an entire decade sooner.
But still, here's to Benji.
I'm sure he has a very bright future
ahead of him
as a geographic
information specialist,
whatever the hell that is.
Benji, not above you,
not below you,
ah, but right beside you.
Right beside you, Dad.
Ha ha ha. And now, while I still
have your attention,
there's an announcement
we'd like to make.
There's another reason
we had you all here.
With Benji moving out
at the end of the month,
Karen and I have decided
to start a new chapter
in our lives.
We are going to put
this house up for sale.
Ha ha ha.
Are you serious?
-What the hell?
-What did he say?
What the fuck
am I supposed to do?
Rod, you're supposed
to get a job
and move out of the basement.
By the end of the month?
Not by the end of the month.
That's just when we're
going to list it on the market.
This is not the reaction
I had anticipated.
So, what are you guys gonna do?
Well, we're gonna move
into a condo, Norma.
It'll be much easier for us.
Keeping this place up
is a lot of work.
Also, it's a lot more room
than we need.
Fat boy, I think we're all
just a little... shocked.
I mean, you've owned
this place for over 30 years.
So... it's gonna take
some time to process.
I guess I hadn't
considered that, fat boy.
Well, while we're all
announcing things, I--
Babe. Evonne--
Luce and I have something
that we wanted
to tell everyone, too.
Um, we want you all to know
that we are
going to be separating
when we get back
to Madison tomorrow.
We've thought about
this long and hard,
and it is not a decision
we've made lightly.
But we also want you to know
that we are, like,
100% okay with it.
Mom, hon, yes, Evonne is right.
We are both 100%
on board with this decision.
We are okay with it,
and Emma's gonna be okay, too.
We are gonna have
joint custody, right?
And everything is just...
it's being done amicably
and lovingly, and, um,
we just don't want anybody
to worry about a thing, truly.
But how
can you do this?
You seem so in love.
Well, Norma, do you have
any bombshell revelations
you'd like to drop?
Do you have cancer?
No! No!
I'm fine.
Barney, the kids,
we're all fine, guys.
Maybe with all the changes
that are going on,
maybe this isn't
such a good time
to sell the house after all?
Karen, we've talked
about this for a year.
You have?
You didn't tell us?
Well, we're allowed to change
our minds, aren't we?
Evonne, come on.
Do you have any weed?
-Let's go.
Well, it has been
so lovely to meet you all.
I have to work
in the morning, though.
So, I think I'm gonna
say good night now.
No, you can't leave now.
Wait for Karen to come back.
She'll want to say
goodbye to you.
It's okay. I have a feeling
I'll be seeing all
of you again very soon.
This was such
a great party really.
Just a minute, Hekla.
I have a request before you go.
Yeah? What's that?
Since you're an actress...
do you have a monologue
you could perform for us?
Stevie, now is probably
not the best time.
Comedy or drama?
Leave them laughing
when you go, eh?
Okay. Okay.
This is "The Importance
of Being Earnest,"
Oscar Wilde!
Oh! Mwah!
it is strange that he
never mentioned to me
that he had a ward.
How secretive of him.
He grows
more interesting hourly.
Ha ha ha.
I am not sure, however,
that this news inspires me
with feelings
of unmixed delight.
I am very fond of you, Cecily.
I have liked you
ever since I've met you.
But I am bound to state
that now that I know
you are Mr. Worthing's ward,
I cannot help expressing a wish
that you were...
well, just a little bit
older for your age.
Ha ha ha...
And not quite so very
alluring in appearance.
In fact, if I may speak
candidly, Cecily,
well, to speak
with perfect candor,
I wish that you were fully 42
and more than usually...
plain for your age.
Ernest has a strong
upright nature.
He is the very soul
of truth and honor.
Dishonesty would be
as impossible to him
as deception.
But even men of the noblest
possible moral character
are very susceptible
to the... to the influence
of the physical charms
of others.
I mean, modern, no less
than ancient history,
supplies us with many
most painful examples
of what I refer to.
If it were not so,
well, history would be
quite unreadable.
Ha ha ha! Oh.
Hey, and remember,
next time you meet me,
make sure I'm really me
before you say hello.
Oh, you know I will.
Ha ha ha!
If you and Lucie are separating
and you need a place
to stay for a while,
you're always welcome
to come back here.
Looking for more reasons
to keep the house, huh?
I thought I wanted to sell it
because I thought that's what
old people were supposed to do.
The truth is,
I love this house.
And I love this neighborhood,
and I even love taking care
of Rod and Benji.
I guess I don't want
an empty nest.
Mama, I lied out there.
I'm not fine with separating.
It was Luce's idea.
I never wanted it to happen,
and it is just killing me.
Oh, dear, I know
how you feel, honey.
That's why I was
in the hospital.
I wanted to throw myself
in front of a train.
The only reason I didn't
is I didn't want
to inconvenience
any of the passengers.
I've felt that way many times.
You have?
But you and Dad
seem so happy. I...
I've suffered from anxiety
and depression my whole life.
You have?
Now, we didn't use those words
when I was growing up,
but, yeah, I have.
Oh, and now I feel
like shit because...
I know you get it from me.
Mama. Mom, it's not your fault.
Don't feel guilty.
No, no. Evonne...
it's not yours.
So, essentially,
all of those young teens
represent chakras,
and Captain Planet
is actually our consciousness,
trying to save the world,
but we really have
no way to stop it,
because every day
there is another monster.
Capitalism sucks, mate.
Tell me about it.
Can I kiss you?
Try it.
You're a wonderful kisser.
You are, too. It's like...
making out with a volcano.
You know, my...
my sarcasm has scared
more than a few boys away.
Not this one.
I could drink a case of you
and still be on my feet.
Is that a quote from something?
No. I just made it up.
So fucking hot. Mmm!
Well, I could drink
a case of you, too.
But that would fuck me up.
Oh, it would for sure.
Good night, boy.
Good night, girl.
Did you have a good time
at the party?
Did you give
your dad that present?
Yeah? Didn't he think
it was cool?
You know, um...
I've noticed things have been
a little hard for you,
like stuff with your dad
and I, you know.
I would never want
anything bad for you,
you know, not ever,
not ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever!
But, um... that's gonna
happen sometimes.
Things are gonna be
kind of hard.
You know that, right?
But it's not always
gonna be like that.
It gets better.
Bad stuff
gets better, you know.
You know what's weird?
What's that?
I could, like, disown
my family, right?
I could just, like, move
to another country
and never talk to them
ever again.
But because of, like...
my memories of them
and my feelings towards them...
I'm, like, stuck
with that forever.
Together through life, right?
For better or worse.
You ever notice,
when people say,
"For better or worse,"
they usually always
mean for worse?
I just wish things could be
like they were
in the beginning.
I don't know why
we can't go back.
Oh, wouldn't it be something
if someone could just...
if someone could just
bottle that feeling somehow,
we could all just drink it
whenever we wanted.
It feels like nothing
really matters now.
Things do matter, Evonne.
It's just sometimes
it seems like they don't.
You know what we should do...
right now?
We should go for a jog
around the block.
That's a terrible idea.
I know. That's
why we should do it.
We should expend
physical energy
to help get
your mind off things.
Yeah, let's go.
Oh, god. Okay!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
You... knock them
dead at Google.
I will try.
See you guys.
Hey, dad, thanks
for throwing this party.
I really appreciate
everything you and Mom did.
Oh, you're welcome.
You deserve it.
Just make sure you tell
your mom that, too.
I will.
Are you guys really
gonna sell the house?
I don't know. I don't think
I know anything anymore.
Hey, hey, where are
you guys going?
Oh, just going for a quick run.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
How did you make it
work with mom
after all these years?
I don't know. I think we were
more than just
a little bit lucky.
You know, marriage is like
everything else in life--
you just keep putting
one foot in front of the other.
Too fast.
Ha ha! Oh...
Oh, honey...
I know you don't believe things
will get better, but they will.
I promise.
Remember me telling
you about Kent,
my boyfriend in college?
Well, he was
the love of my life.
Oh, my god, yes.
I was madly in love with him,
more than I was
with your father.
Mom, I don't know
if I want to hear this.
No, no, no. You need
to hear this, okay?
Kent was the handsomest man
I'd ever seen in my life,
and every time I was with him,
I felt like
the luckiest girl in the world.
Then what? He broke your heart?
No. I broke his.
What? Why?
I started seeing your father
around the same time.
You were seeing them
at the same time?
For a few months.
Well, what happened?
Well, your father was
so much more practical,
and he was so much
more comfortable.
And Kent got furious about it.
He... he asked me to marry him.
I think he just did it
to get rid of David.
So, I turned him down.
God, Mom, you married
the wrong guy.
Honey, if I hadn't
married your father,
you wouldn't be here.
Half of me would.
No. No. Sometimes a year
with someone is enough.
I think I always knew
Kent and I wouldn't last.
But your father... oh.
David was someone
who always seemed to have
this fierce loyalty to me.
I knew in my bones
that he would stick
with me forever.
Believe me, that beats all hell
out of madly in love.
I think you have
that same fierce
loyalty as your dad.
And who knows?
Lucie may come around,
and she may choose you
just like I chose your father.
I hope you're right.
Oh, it's working.
Hey, guys.
Hey. Hey. Don't cry, Benji.
Not much. Just wanted to see
what you're up to.
You want to hit it?
You know I don't smoke.
Do you want to hit it?
Do you want
to hit it, mmm, mmm
Yeah, might as well.
Oh, yes.
Okay. Oh. This is hard.
All right. Here.
Grab that.
You want to keep
your finger on the hole
and then pull
when he fires your hit.
Take a big... big boy hit. Oh.
I've done this before.
Put your hands together.
There you go.
Hey, I have a question
for you guys.
If you had to choose between...
never eating soup again
for the rest of your life
or never having oral sex,
which would you choose?
Oh, I'd give up soup!
I'd give up oral sex.
I know you're gonna
think I'm crazy, but...
I'm not 100% sure about us
separating anymore.
Oh, my god.
You are crazy.
You're the fucking crazy one.
I know. I know.
I don't even know
what I'm saying anymore.
But I know I love you.
Uh. Are you sure this
isn't just the weed
and the champagne talking?
I don't know.
Oh, good.
Maybe. Ha ha!
Those were great.
I'm serious, though.
I need you, Luce.
Do you need me?
I do need you.
And I don't need you.
And I need you.
We need you.
Kiss me.
Wait a minute. No.
I don't want to lead you on.
I don't want to lead you on.
I mean, I just...
I don't even know
how I'm gonna feel
in the morning.
I don't care if you
break my heart tomorrow.
I... I want this right now.
Oh, my god. What?
What exactly is working
for you here?
I mean, is it, like,
my constant crying
or my dysfunctional family?
I mean, what the fuck?
You know... um...
I've seen you be
more yourself here
than at home.
It's like, you see...
you haven't been you
in a really long time.
And I see you here.
So, if this is what it takes,
then I'm down for all of it.
All of it.
All of it, huh?
Yeah, you crazy fucking bitch.
Sorry. Ha ha!
Your family speaking
bad Spanish to me.
I like when we come home.
Yeah. Ha ha.
You sure you don't mind
driving them
to the train station?
No. It's fine.
It's on my way, super easy.
You're good.
Well, I just wish Benji and Rod
were here to say goodbye.
So, I want you to go down
and roust them out of bed,
like now.
Oh, no. Those boys
were up late last night.
They're gonna need their sleep.
All right.
My girls ready to go?
-Let's go!
Bye, honey.
We'll see you soon.
We'll call when we get in.
I hope so. Yeah. All right.
Thanks for everything.
Such a fun time.
Ah, thanks.
Bye, Daddy.
Say hi to that
Iowa brood, okay?
Ha ha ha!
Bye, Mom. I love you.
- We'll talk soon, okay?
- Bye.
Ha ha. Yeah.
Here we go.
All right, y'all.
Safe travels home.
-Love you.
-Love you, too!
Thanks for everything.
Drive safe, okay?
Come on, Emm.
Bye! Bye, Emma!
Love you. Bye, Lucie.
Ready to go back? All right.
Let's do it, team.
Oh, that was quite the weekend.
Ha ha ha ha!
You would.
So, Rod...
Light me first. Come on.
So, Hekla said
this thing last night.
She said...
I mean, she's really
quite literary.
Okay. Like that?
Hekla said this thing
once, right?
She said, "I can drink
a case of you
and still be fine."
She's really quite literary.
Mommy's here!