Retirement Plan (2024) Movie Script
1
(electric car engine whirring)
(engine dying)
(car door opening)
(birds singing)
(car door closing)
(piano playing)
When I retire,
I will reply to every email
I've ever flagged.
(tapping on keyboard)
I will clean up my desktop.
I'll read the 35 years
of saved articles
on my reading list.
I will finish all those books
I started.
I will play the lifetime of
computer games I missed out on.
(gaming noise)
I'll birdwatch.
I'll learn magpies
are beautiful -
- but terrifying.
I'll learn the names of trees
and know which spring flowers
bloom first.
I will swim every morning.
I will learn to play a single
piano piece
exceptionally well.
Write a devastating, yet
optimistic, piece of poetry.
(cheering, clapping)
When I retire,
I will get a dog.
(chuckling)
I will get a cat.
(sudden bang)
'Jesus!'
(snarly miaow)
I will start with a fish.
Or maybe...
maybe a terrapin.
I will learn how a terrapin
is different from a turtle.
And how that affects my choice.
I will hike.
I will see a point in hiking.
I will know when a walk
becomes a hike.
'Urgggh!'
I will get so good at
meditation.
(tram rattling)
I will be so present.
So aggressively present.
Then, I will patch that hole.
Replace that button.
I will learn how to juggle.
Not just a 3-ball Cascade,
Rubinstein's Revenge.
Argh!
I'll organise my digital photos.
Then my wardrobe.
Then my drawers.
Then my pantry.
Inspired by that book
about organising that
I finally read.
I will have to buy so many
plastic boxes.
(traffic whooshing)
Retired me will have
so much money,
as a result of the pension
I haven't yet started.
I will find out
what a pension is.
I will order wine by year
and specific area of Italy.
'Grazie.'
But not in an annoying way.
(laughter)
I will learn to like whiskey.
(gasp)
I will get good at saying yes.
I will get better at saying no.
I will cry more.
(sobbing)
And less.
When I retire,
I will make the perfect
meatball.
And pair it with a 2019 red
from Tuscany.
The rain that year!
My God,
you can taste it.
I'll smoke weed all day long.
Or try some other drugs.
(glass smashing)
Argh!
I'll google 'microdosing'
and start there.
(broken glass tinkling)
(effort grunt)
I will stretch.
(creaking)
I will yoga.
(gushing)
I'll drink eight glasses of
water every day.
I'll sleep for 8 hours every
night.
(gushing)
I will see a play.
(onstage voices)
I will see if I like plays.
(coins thlunking)
I'll give back.
I'll know who to give back to
and why
I want to give back to them
more than the others.
I will eat more vegetables.
I will grow a vegetable.
I will find out what to do
with a leek.
I will find out
what a leek looks like.
I'll fight a man.
I'll kill a fish.
I'll drive a bus.
I'll drive one of those
airport cars.
Nobody's going to stop me.
I'll travel more, I'll travel
more...
(effort groan)
I'll travel more.
I'll get a telescope,
get into camping.
NO! CAMPING IS HORRIBLE!
(shouting)
I will finally find my sport.
I will paraglide.
I will not paraglide!
I'll move to a town by the sea.
I've always loved towns
by the sea.
(seagulls crying)
I'll remember to breathe.
(sharp exhale)
I will learn to speak
another language.
I will learn to tell people
how I feel.
(plates clattering)
I will take better care
of myself.
I will take better care
of my body.
I will take
better care of my teeth.
I will take better care
of my mind.
Meet up with that person.
Have that conversation.
I'll go to an art gallery.
I'll want to be there,
once I get there.
I will completely nail
my final words.
(monitor beeping)
I will haunt the absolute shit
out of my sixth class enemy...
'Deirdre!'
Argh!
.. Deirdre Hogan.
I'll finally know if you have
the time you have,
and then it ends?
Or if there is more time.
(seagulls crying)
(waves lapping)
(electric car engine whirring)
(engine dying)
(car door opening)
(birds singing)
(car door closing)
(piano playing)
When I retire,
I will reply to every email
I've ever flagged.
(tapping on keyboard)
I will clean up my desktop.
I'll read the 35 years
of saved articles
on my reading list.
I will finish all those books
I started.
I will play the lifetime of
computer games I missed out on.
(gaming noise)
I'll birdwatch.
I'll learn magpies
are beautiful -
- but terrifying.
I'll learn the names of trees
and know which spring flowers
bloom first.
I will swim every morning.
I will learn to play a single
piano piece
exceptionally well.
Write a devastating, yet
optimistic, piece of poetry.
(cheering, clapping)
When I retire,
I will get a dog.
(chuckling)
I will get a cat.
(sudden bang)
'Jesus!'
(snarly miaow)
I will start with a fish.
Or maybe...
maybe a terrapin.
I will learn how a terrapin
is different from a turtle.
And how that affects my choice.
I will hike.
I will see a point in hiking.
I will know when a walk
becomes a hike.
'Urgggh!'
I will get so good at
meditation.
(tram rattling)
I will be so present.
So aggressively present.
Then, I will patch that hole.
Replace that button.
I will learn how to juggle.
Not just a 3-ball Cascade,
Rubinstein's Revenge.
Argh!
I'll organise my digital photos.
Then my wardrobe.
Then my drawers.
Then my pantry.
Inspired by that book
about organising that
I finally read.
I will have to buy so many
plastic boxes.
(traffic whooshing)
Retired me will have
so much money,
as a result of the pension
I haven't yet started.
I will find out
what a pension is.
I will order wine by year
and specific area of Italy.
'Grazie.'
But not in an annoying way.
(laughter)
I will learn to like whiskey.
(gasp)
I will get good at saying yes.
I will get better at saying no.
I will cry more.
(sobbing)
And less.
When I retire,
I will make the perfect
meatball.
And pair it with a 2019 red
from Tuscany.
The rain that year!
My God,
you can taste it.
I'll smoke weed all day long.
Or try some other drugs.
(glass smashing)
Argh!
I'll google 'microdosing'
and start there.
(broken glass tinkling)
(effort grunt)
I will stretch.
(creaking)
I will yoga.
(gushing)
I'll drink eight glasses of
water every day.
I'll sleep for 8 hours every
night.
(gushing)
I will see a play.
(onstage voices)
I will see if I like plays.
(coins thlunking)
I'll give back.
I'll know who to give back to
and why
I want to give back to them
more than the others.
I will eat more vegetables.
I will grow a vegetable.
I will find out what to do
with a leek.
I will find out
what a leek looks like.
I'll fight a man.
I'll kill a fish.
I'll drive a bus.
I'll drive one of those
airport cars.
Nobody's going to stop me.
I'll travel more, I'll travel
more...
(effort groan)
I'll travel more.
I'll get a telescope,
get into camping.
NO! CAMPING IS HORRIBLE!
(shouting)
I will finally find my sport.
I will paraglide.
I will not paraglide!
I'll move to a town by the sea.
I've always loved towns
by the sea.
(seagulls crying)
I'll remember to breathe.
(sharp exhale)
I will learn to speak
another language.
I will learn to tell people
how I feel.
(plates clattering)
I will take better care
of myself.
I will take better care
of my body.
I will take
better care of my teeth.
I will take better care
of my mind.
Meet up with that person.
Have that conversation.
I'll go to an art gallery.
I'll want to be there,
once I get there.
I will completely nail
my final words.
(monitor beeping)
I will haunt the absolute shit
out of my sixth class enemy...
'Deirdre!'
Argh!
.. Deirdre Hogan.
I'll finally know if you have
the time you have,
and then it ends?
Or if there is more time.
(seagulls crying)
(waves lapping)