Return of the Killer Shrews (2012) Movie Script

In March 1959,
off the coast of Texas,
there were reports of a new species...
the giant killer shrew.
Thorne! Thorne! Thorne!
Get me out of here Thorne!
Somebody! Somebody!
Somebody help me!
Please somebody help me!
Yeah Thorne?
Ah, nothing.
Well there it is.
The island.
Sure is a lot of quiet out there.
Too quiet.
Look, just dock the boat
and get this crap off of here.
I am not crap.
I am the sponsor
of a major network TV series.
While you're on my boat,
you're crap.
I'm paying you a hell of a lot of money
to transport us.
Who the hell are these people?
Some TV show.
Advent's Wild Safari.
We're here to shoot
the sizzle reel for MIPCOM.
Hi, I'm Christine. Miss Advent.
Well, twinkle, twinkle little star.
- I just wonder if you, uh...
- She's mine, old man.
Oh tiddley tuddley.
Let's get this happy couple off of here
and get away from this island.
Why are you so scared of the island?
It's not the island.
It's what was on it. Some time ago.
Oh! The boogie man, maybe.
If I was to tell you,
you'd have to change
your skiwies right now.
Hey guys, I'm Sam,
the unit production manager.
Welcome to my nightmare.
What the hell does he know
about a nightmare?
Nightmare? Are you telling me
we're behind schedule?
Uh, no sir. I'd say we are
hopelessly behind schedule.
- What did you bring?
- T-shirts for the cast and crew.
And Money. I'm told Johnny Reno
wants to be paid in cash.
So do I. So do we.
Well Captain Ahab,
the sooner you get the stuff unloaded,
the sooner you get the green.
I'm not gonna unload
that crap off the boat!
He's right. I wouldn't ask an old man
to cary my bags.
- Sam?
- Old man?
I'll slap you to sleep,
and then slap you for sleeping!
Gentlemen please!
I'll take care of it.
Don't you dare hit him!
Oh, you...
Will you shut your pretty mouth?
I will not!
Don't wory about the cargo.
I'll get someone from crew
to take care of your stuff.
Stop teasing the old man.
I like him. He's cute.
Oh, I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I think your shorts
are on backyards.
Oh, I'll whip you too, you know.
This will be good
for the coconut tree climbing scene.
Uh, Hector
I don't have those pages.
That's because the star
just made it up.
He wants to be seen climbing
a coconut tree.
These aren't coconut trees.
We fix it in post. CGI.
We put him in front of a green screen,
hoist him up on wires.
- It's TV magic.
- I thought this was a reality show.
That's what we need CGl
for Bobby to make it look more real.
Hector come look what I found.
You're not gonna believe this.
- What is it?
- It's bones.
Bones? As in spare rib bones?
'Cause if it's got barbeque sauce
on it, bring it on.
No, not spare rib bones.
It's a spinal column.
I wonder what happened
to the poor guy?
Looks like something ate him.
It's been here a while.
"To Harold Rook
from Thorne Sherman. 1959".
Hey, I gotta call this in to Sam.
Yeah, Production.
Sam, we found some... bones...
- dead guy...
- What?
Hector, you found what?
You're breaking up. Call me back.
Lost the signal. I'll be right back.
Nice doggie.
Nice doggie.
What's the matter with you?
Oh man, what happened?
Hector, you're breaking up. I...
Are you guys eating?
All I can hear is crunching.
You are crunching in my ear.
- Yeah?
- Sam.
Get on the set now!
Follow me. I'll introduce you
to the main cast and crew.
Why don't you introduce us
to our money?
Oh calm down Thorne.
We'll get it.
They're still unloading the boat.
Now that girl over there
with the camera,
that is our videographer.
That is Mickey.
Now the guy next to her
is our director. That's Willard.
Whatever you do, do not make
direct eye contact with him.
Bull. I'm paying that clown's salay.
Yours too.
Get ready Johnny Reno, and... Action!
- Hang on.
- And that is Johnny Reno.
Our star.
it's a Johnny Reno world.
You just live in it.
I want a picture with him.
You can't right now,
because he's working.
I'm Miss Advent.
I can do anything I want.
That was good, right?
That was great.
Lenora, add a gag
to that next scene, will you?
And cut that stupid line of Reno's.
I'm not doing anymore script changes.
It's perfect!
Sam, how long
have you been on this island?
The uh, the main boat dropped
us off yesterday.
Have you, uh, have you heard
or seen anything weird or strange?
Besides our director?
Nah, uh, I'm not talking about
that squirrel. I've been...
No! Uh, no. Why do you ask?
If I were you, I'd pick a different island
to shoot your movie on.
- It'd be a little too late for that.
- Work with me people.
And when I say "work with me",
I mean "l'm the director, obey me!"
Or I know where you live
and there will be no Christmas!
All right Neavis,
bring in the goat.
What is that supposed to be?
It's a goat. A wild goat.
From the great wild county.
That's not a goat.
That's Derek dressed up as a goat.
He doesn't even have any horns
for Chrissake.
It's female a goat.
Females don't have horns.
I'm not playing a female goat.
That would be weird.
Yeah, actually, females do have horns.
This is wrong
on so many different levels.
What happened to the real goat?
Too expensive.
The trainer wanted
five hundred dollars a day.
We'll make it work. Mickey!
- I'm right here.
- Yes.
Let's not actually show the goat,
Okay, let's hide him behind
a bush or something.
We'll make him like a shadom
mystey figure.
All he has to do is...
is fool the poisonous snake.
Poisonous snake?
What poisonous snake?
The one that bites you.
- Bites me?
- Yes.
I mean, except he won't.
Neavis knocked it out.
It's an unconscious poisonous snake.
We're just gonna
fake the attack on you.
Neavis is gonna,
uh, pull it on a string.
And Derek, you work with me!
You sure the snake's asleep?
He looks dead to me.
I think Neavis overdosed it.
Neavis, you have to pull the string
around a bit.
You have to make him look like...
Do I have to do eveything myself?
I am losing control here.
Eveybody quiet!
I hate you all.
Roll camera.
Advent Outdoor Wear
presents Advent's Wild Safari,
Snake Attacks Wild Goat,
Take One.
On your knees goat!
And action Neavis,
bring in the snake.
This is great.
You getting all this Mickey?
It's a steaming pile of art.
And - Action Johnny Reno!
Oh look,
here comes the eastern
diamond back rattler.
One bite from this little bugger
means instant blood boiling agony
and eventual screaming death.
Hah! I like the little bugger.
The snake actually looks alive. He...
- Is he awake?
- Ah, it's awake.
Guys, I think the snake woke up.
My string broke.
Ah, god. Now we got a snake
Iost in the grass.
Oh god!
We'll fix it in post.
Keep rolling. Keep rolling.
- On what?
- Just - coverage.
Did you hear that?
I heard it.
I think we're gonna need
a bigger goat.
Keep rolling. Go with it.
Reno, the goat has poison
venom in him.
Go over there and suck it out.
Wait a minute.
The snake bit him in the ass.
Now that would be interesting.
I don't think this is good for me.
I need to ask my agent. Stella!
I'm, I'm right here.
No way. No way Jose,
you're not doing it.
I mean, just think of those pictures
on the internet.
I mean, oh my god
there goes your career.
Yeah. Maybe she'd like
to direct a scene, huh?
Reno, would you please
drag the poisoned goat's
lifeless body to safety?
Yeah, that's okay.
Clear the set!
Action Reno!
Come on. Come on.
Come on little goatie.
Come on little goatie, I got you.
- Clear?
- Here you go.
And cut! That's a keeper.
Do you have to smell like a goat?
Yeah, we're missing crew members.
I can't reach them on the cell.
Who cares? We're insured.
Send an intern and call lunch.
All right, eveybody
that is lunch! Intern?
Sam, there is no reason to yell.
Think about people's feelings.
Ah, lunch. That sounds good.
- No.
- Wanna stay?
We can't leave now.
We haven't been paid.
- You're an intern?
- I'm reinventing myself.
Great. Okay,
you know Hector and Bobby?
Yes! Hector got me this gig.
Okay, you go looking for them.
If you find them, call me on that radio.
You pull this off, I'll make you P.A.
Where could those guys be?
Just smile at the camera
and collect the cash.
Don't put anymore into it than that.
I have a source
at the network that tells me
this isn't going to last
more than half a season.
Yeah, you know why?
Because it's boring.
You know why it's boring?
Because they have me,
and they're not using me.
Me! I mean what they need to do
is they need to have a wild
animal attack
right at the vey beginning.
That way I can rip off my shirt.
I can wade into the water
and save the leading lady.
No, no.
You're just going to sit there.
You're just going to talk
to the camera,
and you're just going to follow
the script.
Boring! No, no, how about this...
An alligator attacks the camp.
That way I can rip off my shirt.
I can jump on that sucker's back
- and we can get right into it.
- No, look.
You know, you know
you don't have a stunt double.
- You know that, right?
- Well, we'll use a small alligator.
A small alligator.
I can handle a sma...
Whoah, check out the new talent.
But she's too young for you.
Yeah, but I'd make her one
heck of a mentor. Hi!
How are you? I'm the, uh,
I'm the guy.
She just gave me the stink eye.
I'm the star. Can she do that?
I think she just did.
Um, hi.
Do you guys mind if I sit here.
As a matter of fact, yes.
Please don't hate me
because I'm stunning, okay?
There is absolutely nothing
I can do about it.
Like a twelve, okay?
- Do you guys like my shirt?
- Oh, I sure do.
It really brings out my eyes.
I mean, your eyes.
Well, aren't you just
a smooth talker.
Okay, can we go back
to discussing the set-up now?
Thanks. Awesome.
What's a set-up?
- I'm full.
- Hector!
Uh, Mr. Reno,
they're ready for you on the set.
If you wanted me
to write something else,
you should have had me
write something up.
I'm just writing
what you're telling me to write
and now you're telling me
to change it.
Hello? Hello? Look, pay attention.
No coverage.
Where's my medicine?
Somebody say something?
That's a wrap.
I didn't know reality shows
had writers.
Somebody has to make this crap up.
Nice moves.
Say, have you seen Hector
and Bobby?
Hector and Bobby?
No. It's not like
I've been looking for them.
Thanks for the help.
Oh, the old watering hole.
Hey, do you think
this is going to leave a scar?
I mean the pain is really intense.
Well, ah, yeah, probably.
Ty a little tequila on there.
Works for me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, tell,
tell me something.
- Tell me something.
- Yeah.
I am Johnny Reno, heh, right.
I'm actually from Georgia.
- Yeah.
- And you look familiar to me.
You ever spend any time in Georgia?
About thirty years ago, I was a...
I was a sheriff down there.
You know, chasing moonshiners.
- No.
- Yeah.
Well, I tell you something,
I was chased around in Georgia a lot,
but it was usually by women,
and sometimes I let them catch me.
I'll drink to that.
Well I, you know, ah listen.
I love to chase women myself,
but you know at my age
it has to be downhill.
- Is he...?
- I...
Sory to keep bugging you, but
I am missing two crew members.
- I was an ass.
- Yes. You were.
Sory. Who?
Uh, Hector and Bobby.
And now one of the interns,
the uh, more mature one.
Oh, that woman who keeps talking
about reinventing herself?
Yeah, her. Yeah, I told her
if she found them, I'd make her a PA.
No. I keep running
into Reno's hairdresser,
the professional wanna be virgin.
Hi, can I sit here?
Um, so, I've always wanted
to be an actress, okay?
- Are you the camera guy?
- I'm the camera person.
Oh, okay, well I really want
to be a serious actress
and Johnny Reno said
he would help me.
So do you think you could make me
Iook as good as a movie star?
Maybe. If I find
some extra strong filters.
Oh, great.
Come on.
Or a paper bag.
Hey, don't you find me
really attractive?
Yes, you're vey beautiful.
But I do not date actresses.
But I'm not an actress.
But I really want to be.
So can you help me?
Look, I just work for a living, okay?
I really think you need
to look for someone
a little higher up on the food chain.
But I think you're pretty high up
on the food chain.
- Did you hear that?
- Hear what?
Never mind. Look, have you seen
Hector or Bobby? The interns?
I don't do interns. Gross.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Why the sad eyes?
You know, it's Sam.
Why does he have to go
into a trace evey time some
bimbo on the set gives him the eye.
He ever done that to you?
- Shut up, Neavis!
- Well, you seem a little jealous.
This is not about me.
This is about his work.
Look, look, I've known Sam
for a lot of years,
and if he seems distracted,
it's because he's,
he's got a lot on his mind.
Uh, Sam's got this whole production
on his shoulders.
You know he's always
about the work.
Well, he seems a little bit distracted.
All right, listen up.
Look, I've got three crew missing.
Maybe they're dead.
That's why we have insurance.
Who's dead?
Bobby and Hector are missing,
two of our P.A.s, and now an intern.
- So we got to find them.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Listen,
we can make this part of the show.
The rescue.
It's supposed to be a wildlife show.
It is a wildlife show,
only we are the wildlife.
Some bloodthirsty creature
ran away with our crew, right?
Maybe it killed them.
Even better!
So now, instead of searching
for some dumb animals,
we're searching
for our dead guys, huh?
Dumb animals?
If, if someone is missing,
then maybe, maybe I can save them.
Okay, we start shooting as planned.
Okay, we make Hector
and Bobby the new stoy line.
In the morning, Johnny sends out
two teams to go hunt for them.
Camera team goes with each crew.
A third camera documents
the main search party led
by Johnny Reno on his quest
to find the missing intern. Huh?
And Johnny Reno finds
the poor missing intern.
Whoever finds Hector and Bobby,
let's shoot it like Reno found them,
dead or alive!
We've got to protect our star,
or there's no series.
Well, hey, yeah, you do have to...
You do have to protect the star
or there's no series.
We'll protect the star, of course.
What did you think
I was going to do?
You're gonna want a rewrite.
You know you've got darn near
a fifth of tequila in you buddy.
Why aren't you relaxed?
How can I relax? I can't relax
til I get off this island.
Did you hear that sound?
Then shut up and listen.
I'm telling you
there's something out there.
Nothing but the wind.
There's something out there.
Yeah, well
there's a big storm out there
and it's headed this way.
Why don't we just head on
back to the boat
- and get some shut eye?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Thorne Sherman.
You're a dead man walking.
You just don't know it yet.
I'm done Willard. I'm so out of here.
Why? Eveything's going so good.
Wally's here with the cash.
Johnny's in full hero mode,
and we're getting great stuff.
Eveything's changed.
This was supposed to be
a wildlife show.
Now you've got us out hunting
some dead P.A.S.
The situation is fluid.
I'm working with what nature
has generously provided.
Adapt, improvise,
and overcome.
And rewrite.
Over and over and over again!
Assuming the missing crew are dead,
we now have a reality show
with a body count.
Which means
big ratings and obscenely big money.
Not for me.
My paycheck is spent, as usual.
I'll give you points on this one.
Ten per cent of the show.
Net or gross?
It's a deal.
Shall we seal this deal?
What do you want Willard?
Me? Or the rewrite?
The rewrite.
Get to work.
So what do you think?
Oh, I like it much better without.
Oh, you're so sweet.
But won't the others hear us?
In this rain?
Besides, I set up our tent fifty yards
away from the others.
I figure we want our privacy.
Stop messing around!
Hey, look. I uh,
I'm sory about last night.
She, uh, dragged me away.
Yeah. Doesn't matter.
It's your business. I'm her to work.
Great. That means
we can start over.
Look, Sam,
I don't have time
for these little flirtations.
Okay, let's keep it professional.
Hey Sam.
- Sam, hey, we want our money.
- Yeah.
We want it right now
and to get off this island.
Right, right. No, sure thing.
Look, I'm, uh, not the money guy.
We got to find Wally.
So he should be on set right now.
Well, let's find him.
Let's get on with it.
- Lead the way man.
- Yeah.
Sam, let's get this show on the road.
Stella, can you please make sure
Johnny Reno is ready?
Hey Sam, where's the money guy?
This Wally, that twinkle toes?
Just give me one second please.
We're tying to split up the crew.
I think they said they were going up
the path ahead of us.
We'll catch up. Huh?
Uh, yeah. Best I can do for you.
- Reno!
- What?
The camera's over here, babe.
Okay, this is it.
- Johnny, this is your big hero moment.
- Oh yeah.
You send out two teams
to search
for the production assistants.
While you bravely search the most
dangerous part of the jungle yourself.
Should I take off my shirt?
Let's play with that.
I like it.
What would Johnny Reno do, huh?
I'm giving you space here.
Here we go, boys and girls, this is it!
Let's roll camera!
- I don't know what that's about.
- Rolling!
Keep it rolling.
Okay eveybody,
I think what we need to do is...
Think, think the Duke.
I love that show.
Oh, no, no.
Now listen here eveyone.
I understand you're all on my posse.
Well that means it's
time to get our wagons in a circle
and go out
and save those dead guys.
Did he say "save our dead guys"?
How do you save a dead guy?
I didn't write that.
- This way.
- This way. Stay on Johnny.
Come on people.
We're burning daylight.
- Hey Thorne, lookie here!
- What?
Got some money down here.
You think it's ours?
- Well it's ours now.
- All right.
- It's got blood all over it.
- Oh, jeeze!
Well, it'll spend anmay.
What kind of tracks are those?
I don't know,
but it's clearly not human.
All right, and action!
So what do you want me to do?
Okay, come on.
My close up.
My camera.
All right, we got it.
Let's get out of here. Moving on.
Hey Thorne! Check this out!
Who is that?
I don't see anyone.
And cut.
That was stupid.
- Oh no.
- No, I look stupid.
Stella, talk to him.
You look great.
I look great, but that was stupid.
Take five.
Hey, hey, hey guys,
- look at this. Look what I found.
- Wait a minute.
I recognize that shirt.
It was Hector's.
The hell it was. I loaned him this shirt.
Look at it, It's ruined.
It's started again. I knew it.
What's happening?
Listen folks. There's nothing
but death on this island.
We got to get out of here now.
The old timer's right.
- What do you mean, old timer?
- Just a figure of speech.
I'll whip you like an omelet.
But what about Hector and Bobby?
Hector and Bobby are our new props.
It's better than C.G.l. and cheaper.
- Derek, you set your camera up here.
- Yeah.
Lenora, takes these clothes
to that clearing right over there.
He has no idea what's going on!
Johhny, on action,
you're going to discover
the clothes, huh?
Here we go guys.
- On action.
- On action.
Okay, roll camera!
Action Johnny Reno!
Tattered clothing.
Little more than a pile of blood
soaked rags.
All that remains
of two human beings.
Wait, Johnny Reno doesn't scream.
Come on!
No, Johnny Reno screams
when Johnny Reno hears something
and Johnny Reno heard something.
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I heard it too.
Well, let's all listen together,
shall we? Huh?
Anybody hear anything?
Me either!
Action Johnny!
Believe you me,
whatever did this was mysterious,
terrifying, and hungy.
And also had vey long teeth.
Like these.
Tear 'em up!
Oh Johnny!
Oh god, no!
Not the face. Not the face!
That was disgusting!
Holy moley. What the hell...
What do I do with this, Willard?
What is it?
That's Johnny. That's his arm.
Oh my poor Reno!
Oh, look at that.
We'll take it with us,
um, buy it later.
I'll, uh, say a few words over...
"May god have mercy
on this forearm".
Listen, if you want to get off this island,
follow me. Follow me.
Bring that. Bring the camera.
On a map, north is at the top.
I know where north is on a map.
I don't know
where it is on the ground.
Wow, four years
of film school for this.
Well, I think you're brilliant.
Oh, it's a cute little baby shrew.
We used to hunt these little suckers
with our BB guns.
I shoot you right between the eyes
you lovely little creepy guy.
Yeah, you are creepy looking.
- Oh my god! Oh my god!
- Run, run, run. Let's go.
Come on!
Come on! Come on! Let's go!
- What?
- Here.
Okay, it's over there.
It's right here.
Here, hold this.
Check that out.
Camera set.
What is that?
Oh god, oh god!
Come on, come on! Let's go!
Come on, come on!
They're right behind us!
Wait, wait, what were those things?
I don't know, but we're not sticking
around to find out.
Well, "man should eat to live,
not live to eat."
I think, uh,
it was Twain
who said it best though,
"When the time has come
that a man has had his dinner "
"it is then, uh, that the true man
will rise to the surface."
Come on, this is the place.
- What is this place?
- This is it.
Let's get inside.
- Let's go.
- Come on, get in here.
They're coming, they're coming.
- Close that damn door!
- I got it Thorne.
Wait! Sam's coming!
- Wait! Wait!
- Come on,
Get in here!
They're here. They're coming.
They're coming!
Eveyone, stay back!
That's weird.
What made them turn back?
Where's Ernie?
He didn't make it.
We're losing people by the hour here.
- Maybe the others are still alive.
- No way.
The only reason those creatures
didn't follow us
is because they're still feeding.
What are those things?
They're killer shrews.
They're carnivorous.
They're meat eaters,
and they have to eat ten times
their weight evey day
or they starve to death.
So this dung heap is our Alamo?
You talk like you've been here before,
old man.
I have.
Come on, eveybody.
Let's get inside.
The Alamo, huh?
Looks like we're going to die
with our boots on.
Wrong movie.
Where'd you get this?
Oh, I found it blowing in the wind.
What happened
to Wally and Christine?
I don't know, you know,
but I warned you.
I, I said this island is dangerous.
- Are they dead?
- Yeah, they're dead.
And we're all going to be dead
if we don't get off this island.
But you said
that you'd been here before, right?
Yeah, I've been here.
Well, I figure that maybe that means
you know a safe way down to the boat?
It's one of my bad habits, you know.
I exaggerate sometimes.
I'm sory.
Me too.
Oh, that's a really, a cut little backless,
bottomless evening strap
you're almost wearing there.
I found this in one of the bedrooms.
I feel like it's something
you've seen before Mr. Sherman.
Yeah, yeah, I've seen it off
and on. Mostly off.
Who do you think you are,
Errol Flynn?
Who's that?
how about a little martini?
How about a big martini,
you cute little heifer.
I reckon we've never been
one to turn down a drink, huh,
from a beautiful lady?
Oh, this is evil!
Just like my mama's!
Maybe we should stop drinkin'
and start thinkin'.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to drink myself to death
right here at this bar!
Well, yeah, we could do that.
Or we could ty
to find a way off this island.
Hey! How come we have power here?
Wait, you, you know, dang.
I don't know,
why didn't I think of this before?
Do you know there's a generator
down there in the basement?
Well, there used to be.
Well, I think I'm thinking
what you're thinking.
One way to find out.
It works!
- Why wasn't it on?
- It's all power cells in the house.
When they run dy, you fire up
this generator to recharge them.
So what's this idea
you're talking about?
He's going to make an electric fence!
Exactly! If we run this wire
all around the compound,
and we attach the end
to this generator here,
it creates an instant electric arc.
The shrews can't get in
without getting electrocuted.
Doggity, we'll barbeque their butts.
Or we'll set the whole place on fire.
Come on.
Caves don't have doors.
This one does.
They're coming!
This place looks lived in.
All the comforts of home.
Soup's on.
I can't find Derek or Willard.
Stella was talking to them earlier.
And Lenora was with them.
Stella, Stella, where is eveyone?
I, I don't know. They're, they're,
they're out shooting the show.
Show, what show?
There isn't any more show!
Where, where are they?
Where, where did they go?
I... They're somewhere
outside the compound.
Where's eveybody going?
God, don't you get it?
We're all waiting here to die.
Well, age before beauty.
Just be a minute Derek.
It's not safe out here.
The guys are building
the electric fence to protect us.
If anything happens,
we'll just run back inside.
Derek's right. You saw what
those monsters did to Johnny Reno.
Why are we risking our lives
for this stupid show?
Do you have any idea
what we have on tape?
The death of Johnny Reno.
We've got the most valuable
snuff film in the world.
And he was killed by a completely
unknown species of creature.
Can we just get this shot
and get out of here?
Just a minute Derek.
Okay, great. So we sell the tape
and we're set for life.
Why are we still shooting?
We saw Reno get killed.
We didn't get a good look at
what killed him.
The kid is bait.
That's low, even for us.
You want to be a bottom feeder
all your life Lenora?
Okay, we're rolling Derek.
I don't know
what I'm supposed to do.
Willard! Are you crazy?
What are you doing out here?
What does it look like?
I'm doing my job.
Derek, get back inside
the compound.
- Stay where you are til I get this shot.
- No, that's it. Show's over!
Sam, I'm scared.
Derek, Derek look at me.
What's going on?
Derek look at me.
Derek, Derek look at me.
Come this way, vey slowly.
I can't move.
Yes you can. Look at me.
Just come this way.
What are we going to tell the others?
The shrews got Derek,
and Sam ran away.
We can't. It was our idea
to bring Derek out here.
- They'll blame us.
- It's all about blame with you, isn't it?
Fine, uh, we'll say
they were shooting b-roll.
It'll give us more time. Come on.
Come on! Come get me
you mean bastards. Come on,
come on, come get me.
What's stopping you?
You don't like the water, do you?
Oh, this wiring is loose.
But I can fix it.
Rook, you gotta be careful there.
There'd be enough juice going
through there to kill an elephant.
It'll fy you like a cheeseburger.
- Copy that.
- Hey Willard!
Make sure that generator is working.
I hear them coming. Hury up.
I'm hurying as fast as I can.
We should go upstairs and make sure
all the windows are closed and locked.
Wait! Wait til they give you
the signal.
I was just testing.
Willard! Can you hear me?
Loud and clear!
Wait for the signal.
Willard, when I say "now",
hit the juice!
Hit the iuice?
Cut the power! Cut the power!
Sory, my bad.
Rook, what are we gonna do
about her?
I'll take her out and buy her.
You can't take her out there
and buy her.
With the shrews out there?
Listen, just take her out,
but get back here as quick
as possible, you know?
I think the shrews
will take care of the rest of it.
I'll see to it.
Home to papa!
It's time you told us Thorne.
It's time you told eveybody.
here's the payroll money,
what's left of it.
God help me, I,
I never thought that money
would ever bring me back here
back to hell.
I came to this island about,
uh, fifty years ago.
I was bringing some supplies
to the scientists.
I'm Doctor Craigis.
Thorne Sherman.
I have your supplies aboard.
And they were messing around
with some sort of
crazy idea about
fixing the population explosion.
And this one scientist, Jery,
he was injecting gromh hormones
or something into these little critters.
They were shrews.
I don't know, and he must have
miscalculated or something, and they,
and these shrews started to grow,
and they got bigger
and bigger and bigger.
And they got big as dogs.
I lost...
my first mate then.
He was a good man.
You always called me Rook.
Yes, I did.
You don't look nothing like him.
Well, then why do you call me that?
I don't know.
He was my best friend.
Like you.
I just don't know why
I ever put him in harm's way.
Now I have to wake up evey day
thinking maybe
I got my best friend killed.
Bad news. The generator
has no gas. We're out.
Well, there's plenty more on the boat.
Thorne, you and I could go...
What did you just say?
Thorne and you? No, no, no.
We wouldn't get fifty yards
before those things
started tearing us apart.
Somebody's got to go,
or we're all going to end up shrew bait.
Well, ah, only a blithering idiot
would go out there.
I'll do it.
And Lenora's going with me.
Lenora? I, I...
There's no way I'm taking
a chance with those things.
Life... is a gamble, my dear.
That's why your scripts are so good.
- Oh, thanks.
- You've got to live it,
to write it. Right?
- Right.
- Willard,
those things will kill you
before you get fifty yards.
I don't think so.
They don't hunt when they're feeding.
We put Stella's body out there
and now it's gone.
I figure somebody called lunch.
If you two get to the boat,
which you won't, don't you take it.
Evey boat needs a captain.
You're the captain.
Get that door closed.
You get the footage?
We have eveything
we need right here.
What are we going to do about
the boat? We don't have a driver.
We don't. I do.
But you told Thorne you didn't.
I lied.
Okay, you two are up to something.
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Why don't you go back
where it's safe?
Wha... I heard you talk
to Mr. Sherman.
You're going to ty to make it
to the beach
before the shrews come back.
You're going to steal the boat
and you're going to leave the island.
I confess.
- What about the others?
- What about them?
Nobody's getting off this island alive
except me and Lenora.
Well, and me. I'm coming with you.
All right.
There she is.
Well, there's nothing stopping us now.
Open the gate!
Help! Open the gate!
Go ahead honey.
You're safe now. You're safe.
For a little while anmay.
The lights are still on.
Why don't we turn on the fence?
Well, we got enough power
to run a few lights.
We don't have enough juice to
fire up the fence.
- Maybe they'll give up.
- They won't give up. They never give up.
But they stop
for some reason or another. Now, I...
I, somehow I have a feeling
that it's the sound of that weird whistle.
You think they'll be back?
Oh, are you crazy?
Of course they're coming back.
They... they always come back.
That whistle works like an on/off switch
for those little monsters.
You know, what's funny is it...
These shrews act exactly
like the shrews did
when I came on this island
fifty years ago.
What happened?
The shrews started to attack
this building.
One of the scientists, he, he got it.
They were all drinking,
but Jery really could put it down.
He was mad because
he had a thing for this girl, Ann.
You know, she was a
Iovely young thing.
You know,
I really started to dig her chili,
if you know what I mean.
Jery, that man was a mean drunk.
He tried to kill me even!
Once we were,
were running from the shrews.
He got to the compound
before I did.
Well, the lunatic closed
and locked the door!
All the shrews
were chompin' on my tail.
I jumped over the fence just in time,
and I beat the crap out of Jery.
The shrews were all over
the compound by then.
We finally escaped the island
by duck walking under these barrels.
Swam out to the boat,
and I got to clinch under the blanket
with my beauty queen.
Help! Help! Help!
Help! Help! Help!
- Sam!
- I'll get you out of here.
We'll stick by the river.
We might be okay.
- The shrews hate water.
- Okay, hury up before he's back.
That guy!
You can stick by the river
as long as you like.
They do what I want.
Hungy boys?
Just kidding.
Hey, you know Thorne,
nobody's gonna blame you
if you make a run for the boat.
You mean run for the boat
for help by myself?
That ain't gonna happen.
I left my best friend on this island
about fifty years ago.
Ain't gonna happen again.
So why are we here?
He could have let those creatures
eat us alive.
- I think we're here as bait.
- Bait?
- Maybe to lure someone else here.
- Who?
Not so much who as why.
You know, my whole life
was stolen from me.
My career, tho woman I loved,
the future.
Hold that thought. It's feeding time.
Ah... I know who you are.
All right, your ass is grass now.
And I'm the weed whacker!
Can't be eaten.
- Quiet now, quiet. It's okay.
- You don't understand now.
We can't be eaten.
Nobody's gonna eat you.
Just ty to calm down, okay?
What do you got there Jery?
I knew you'd come.
Then why didn't you have
those shrews eat me?
Oh. That would have been too easy.
I'm gonna kill you myself.
How do you figure on doing that?
I'm gonna do it with this!
That pig sticker doesn't scare me.
I'll take it away from you
and cut you off too short to hang.
Yeah? Well I don't need it.
I'll kill you with my bare hands.
- Whoah, yeah?
- Yeah!
That hurt me.
Listen, I wasn't ready.
You ready?
I wasn't read...
Okay, okay. No more rules.
Wait, one rule, no rules.
Thorne! You're too old for this.
Stop fighting.
Jery, why are you so angy at me?
You seduced her.
You dazzled her.
- Dazzled her?
- Yeah.
All I did was buy her a cheeseburger
and a beer at the Dallas drive-in.
She hated you.
Didn't you know that?
- She loved me.
- I was going to mary her.
Oh, she wouldn't have married you,
you drunken bum.
I can see why you're so angy, maybe
fifty years on this crazy island
without a woman.
I did all right.
You, you did all right?
- With what?
- Oh, that is way too much information.
You left me here to die Thorne.
I didn't leave you here
to die you fool.
You got up on the top
of that building.
- Wouldn't come down.
- Well, they almost got me.
I mean, they were chasing me
when I found this cave.
It was a storage site for the Naybi
during World War Two.
And then I,
I ate some of their C rations.
And then I, I started to do
the experiments again.
I mutated some the, ah,
the elder shrews, the meaner ones.
I got a whole new species Thorne.
How did you learn
how to control them?
Well, I guess I, uh,
became the alpha shrew.
I shared my food with them,
finger sandwiches and things...
What happened
when you ran out of food?
I mean there's always, um,
an occasional tourist.
We had a family with a new boat,
and a...
um, some young wealthy lovers.
They were all vey tasty
with a nice Beauiolais.
So how did you control them?
Well, you know...
that sound they make?
You know that screeching sound
while they're on the hunt?
Well, I learned how to imitate that.
When I make that sound,
they stay away.
I hit a few different notes,
I can get them to do anything.
Well, you overlooked one thing Jery.
What do you think
you're gonna prove with this?
I'll, I'll tell you what I'll prove.
You're gonna toot this thing
until we get safely to the boat.
'Cuz remember Jery,
if we die, you die.
What am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
Maybe, maybe I can hunker down
into one of these old chemical drums,
duck walk to the water
like Thorne did, huh?
Ah, no that would never work.
They'd never go for that a second time.
I don't want to go out like this.
I'll be damned.
I wonder what made them back off.
Get in here!
Thorne, Thorne, Oh Thorne!
Oh my god!
Oh man, am I glad to see you.
Yeah, well, well, Rook,
is Julie okay?
She didn't make it man.
Here, blow this! Call them off.
Blow it Jery!
All right, all right folks,
if you want to get off this island alive,
you'll follow me.
Come on. Get you, get your ass...
Thorne is right. Eveybody stay together.
Gotta head for the docks.
Jery, I'm tired of dragging your ass.
- What's that smell?
- That?
That is marsh gas,
othemise known as methane.
Uh, don't be lighting any matches.
Oh, a good thing I don't smoke.
All right, let's move!
Go, go, go. Get to the dock.
Get to the boat.
I'll meet up with you. Go, go, go!
- Here, blow on this!
- I don't want to!
- Go on!
- All right.
Yeah - don't stop now!
I don't take requests!
You worthless piece of shi...
Thorne, let's go. Come on,
we gotta go get to the boat.
Listen, go ahead,
go get 'em on the boat.
You know, we'll
we'll be along in a minute.
- Thorne, no!
- Don't argue with me.
Now just do what I tell you. Go!
Get your but moving.
Get up here.
I'm not going to drag you
all the way to the boat.
Come on!
Come on!
Hury Neavis!
Hey man, I'll get that.
- You got a weapon on this boat?
- What do you mean?
Something, just anything,
something that will start a fire.
- That's marsh gas back there.
- I sure as hell do, man.
A flare gun, huh?
- Perfect.
- Sam! Where are you going?
Where is he going?
To get Thorne!
Drag you all the way to the boat.
Come on!
The hell with this, Thorne!
Just kill me here. I don't care.
I'm not going another step.
You stay here and let those shrews
eat your worthless ass.
Hey Thorne!
I'll see you in hell.
I don't think so.
'Cuz I'm going north.
Holy moley.
Oh you, hey you do good work, kid.
Sam. Thorne.
Call me Sam.
Sam huh? Sam the man!
You do good work, Sam.
Let's go to the barn.
All right. Crank it up.
Aye, sir.
Do you think anyone would believe
what just happened
on that insane island?
Well, they better believe it.
You know, I've been here twice,
and twice is too many times.
- Third time's a charm.
- Oh maybe in fifty years or so.
Besides, we have proof.
On video tape.
Oh really Neavis, and where exactly
did you put the cameras?
Get out, get outta here. Come on, git!
Get back!
Who's ready for dinner?