Reunion (2024) Movie Script

Don't wanna be a player
I don't wanna be
A player no more
I'm not a player
I just crush a lot
But me and Punisher, still got
What you're lookin' for
I don't wanna be
Don't wanna be
I don't wanna be
A player no more
I'm not a player
I just crush a lot
But you know Big Pun
And Joe still down by law
Who's down to crush tonight?
Hey yo, I'm still not a player
But you still a hater
Elevator to the top, hah
See you later
I'm gone, penthouse suite
Penthouse freaks
In-house beach
Please stop dancing.
Really, stop that.
No one wants to see it. Stop.
Puffin' the lye
From my Twinzito
Up in the Benzito
With my Kiko
From Queens nicknamed Perico
We go back like PA's
And wearin' PJ's
Now we reach the peakage
Runnin' trains for three days
Who want to ride?
It won't cost you a dollar
Whether soft or harder
Of course
You still gonna holla
Yeah! Look at your boy!
Boom! There he is. I found him!
Oh, man.
So how do I look?
You look like
Black Where's Waldo.
Oompa Loompa. Minion?
You sound like a hater. No.
That's what we doing?
Give me this.
- Hey, give me that! Give me it!
- No, no, no!
We're going to our reunion.
I don't want you
on this phone all night,
being sad and everything,
playing Wordfeud.
There's a reason
for people to get together
and lie about
how their life doesn't suck.
- And get laid.
- What do you mean, get laid?
I'm definitely
getting laid tonight.
- No. In this outfit?
- This is my lucky outfit.
This is the outfit I lost my virginity
in the night of the graduation.
No, you got an over-the-pants
Hey, well, she...
It wasn't my hand.
It was somebody else's hand.
So that's...
Oh, shit.
What, hey!
Don't touch that.
You ain't see that?
She was going 55 in a
school zone. Step on it!
Roll down your window,
please, ma'am.
Yeah. I'm... I'm sorry, Officer.
Was I speeding?
Thirty miles
over the speed limit.
Okay, I'm just trying to get
to this high school reunion.
Can I see your face?
- Jasmine?
- Yeah.
It's Evan. Evan...
I shouldn't do that.
- Evan... Evan West.
- Oh, my God!
It's great...
great seeing you.
God, I'm so glad it's you.
I was scared for a second there,
because I really hate cops.
I'm a cop, so...
Ray! Why... Why'd you
get out of the car?
Ray...'Cause you said it was Jasmine.
Jasmine? I was like,
"Okay, I gotta see her too."
- Oh, man.
- I mean, you look...
Look, man, I don't wanna be a jerk
about this, you know what I mean?
Because you used to be
a skater girl and everything.
But you have really
switched it up.
He's joking with you.
He... No, man, she looks amazing.
- I'm giving her a compliment.
- Yeah. You do look amazing.
- You look beautiful.
- You look great.
Appreciate that.
You guys haven't changed one bit.
Thanks. Yeah, thanks.
Not one bit.
- Thank you!
- Well, a little. I would like...
So you're working
at The Times now?
- Is that what's going on?
- Oh, yeah.
Ten years.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Should we finish
this conversation at the house?
Yeah. Yes.
Well, you can follow us.
Thank you.
- Okay, we'll see you there.
- Bye!
- Talk to you later. All right.
- See you.
- I'll see you at the party.
- I'm stupid.
I'm so fucking stupid, Ray.
Don't... What? What's that face?
- She want the backwoods dick.
- No, she doesn't.
Yes, she does. She wants
some backwoods dick tonight.
You could give it to her.
- Okay?
- Backwoods dick.
Yeah, she want that bearded,
cool cop, backwoods dick.
That's right.
She want it for the front woods
and the back woods.
Well-I'm just saying.
But seriously, though, bro,
I'm worried about you, man.
You ain't been
on a date in months.
It's... Well, you know...
You know, so, let me
check out your Tinder profile.
- See what you got going on.
- No, don't bring that up right now.
- Please. Please.
- Okay, what is this?
That? I'm dressed
as Phantom of the Opera
for Horrorpalooza.
Horrorpalooza? That's a thing?
Yes. It's dope, man.
You was Phantom of the Opera
for Horrorpalooza.
- Yeah.
- You didn't wanna be nobody else.
Michael Myers,
- you didn't wanna be Freddy.
- Dude... No.
Who is scared
of the Phantom of the Opera?
- Theatergoers.
- What the f...
Mathew's probably
gonna love this.
I mean, playing host,
showing off his fancy house.
- All his fucking money.
- He's rich as fuck.
- I know.
- Hold on, hold on.
But don't worry
about that asshole.
You need to worry about her.
- Hi.
- Thank you.
Oh, God. I look dumb,
don't I? She's here, man.
Yeah, you look like
somebody dresses...
- Was the hat too much?
- It's just too much.
You got your badge out,
your fucking name tag.
- I know.
- But hold on, hold on.
Okay, now you look good.
- Thank you. Clean cut.
- Hey! Wait a minute.
I didn't...
You smell amazing.
- Oh, thank you.
- Is that a new cologne?
La Nuit De L'homme by
Saint Laurent. You like that?
- I like it a lot.
- You want a little waft of that?
- Take that.
- Hey, what are you guys doing?
Yeah, these fucking
flying roaches... Yeah. Snow flies.
They're... And because...
You've heard about...
They migrated into... Yeah, yeah.
It's gonna be a blast.
Oh, shit!
Here comes trouble, baby!
What's up?
Look who it is.
Hey, it's not a real party
till the townies show up.
- Yeah! Fuck me running! Come here.
- Good to see you. How are...
Jesus. How are you?
Are you a cop?
Yes. I know. That was
assault of an officer, so...
- Hi, Mathew.
- Jasmine. Oh, my God.
- You look fantastic!
- Thank you.
- How are you?
- Wonderful.
Oh, my God.
You come with these idiots?
Oh, no, we just ran
into each other out on the road.
Okay, that makes way more sense.
Yeah, I was a bit like,
"that's weird."
This place is amazing.
Oh, thanks. It has its kinks.
I mean,
there's terrible cell reception,
so just hop on the Wi-Fi if you need to,
you know what I mean?
Listen, I'm just happy
to have you guys at my house,
you know, as a symbol for how
far we've all come in life, right?
We're all killing it.
Hey, guys, we're winning.
Look who I fucking found.
- Hey!
- Life of the party.
- Drink? Okay.
- Yes, please.
It's so weird
seeing all these people again.
- Cheers.
- Oh, my God, I need this drink.
Hey, Evan.
- Hey.
- Oh, my goodness.
- What is that?
- What is this?
Oh, my gosh.
- Why would he put that photo in?
- Miss Hot Topic.
- Those pants.
- 2001.
- So angry.
- That is glorious.
I know... So cool, right?
- My God!
- My God!
I got you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Thanks for having us.
- Yeah, absolutely.
My party planners did all this.
- They did a great job.
- This whole thing?
Yeah. It's a tribute
to more innocent times, I guess.
Yeah. I...
I wouldn't call it innocent.
It felt like high school was
pretty brutal for some people.
Try marriage.
That's right.
Are your wife and kids here?
No, no, she brought the kids
to her parents' place.
To Westchester. Yeah.
But that is great for me
'cause it's Daddy's weekend.
I love it.
- Peter!
- It's been...
He... He's gone.
Don't walk away.
Come here.
Man, look at this.
- We have the track stars.
- What?
- And we have Evan West.
- Such a young guy.
Full of promise and hope.
Just down the drain.
To regrets.
Mr. Buckley.
Wow, man. Do you remember me?
Quite well,
Mr. Hammond.
You're literally wearing the same
thing you did in high school.
You haven't changed at all.
Well, I appreciate
you recognize the outfit,
'cause, I mean, I still look fly.
This is fly, right?
- Yes, it is.
- Well, look, how are you doing?
I know you're retired by now,
- somewhere in Florida with your feet up.
- Florida?
I would rather cut off
my own head and eat it
than retire to Florida.
No, I am still teaching.
I've had a few financial woes,
so I'm still chained
to the classroom.
Goddamn, Mr. Buckley, you still...
you still got that delivery, man.
You still got the intensity in you.
The Vincent Price. It's just...
So, what are you
doing these days?
I heard you were
a dog walker or something.
Sir? Would you like one?
You don't remember me, do you?
I remember you, Evan West.
I remember every single person
at this party.
Yeah, it's crazy
seeing everyone, right?
It's really exciting.
You were one of the good ones.
So tonight, you will be spared.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Hot tip. Make sure you get
a front-row seat for the show,
because the show
starts very soon.
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.
You're not gonna believe
who's fucking here.
I can't believe she came.
- Meagan.
- Dude, chill out.
Chill out, you dated her
for three months 200 years ago.
Just avoid her. It's fine.
You can't avoid a black hole.
I love the combination.
Who is that? Do you remember
who that girl is? I don't.
I can't pin it.
Look at all that.
She was talking to Mathew.
All in his face, kiki-ing away.
- No, she's not.
- That's why Meagan came.
- She wanted to fuck my head up.
- No, she's not fucking your head up.
I'm going over there.
I gotta hear what they say.
I gotta go eavesdrop.
- No, you're not gonna go over there.
- Yes, I am.
Don't do it. Don't... Chill out.
Chill out. Chill.
No! Hey! Hey! Hey!
You know, I just feel like
I attract these
toxic relationships.
You know, I date these losers
with no ambition,
no purpose.
That's not you!
- No, that ain't you.
- No.
You've got it together!
White wine, please.
That's not who I think it is.
- Jesus Christ.
- Amanda Tanner.
- Tequila. Double.
- It is you!
You gotta give me a hug.
You look so good.
No. No, no.
No, no, no. Thank you.
Personal space. My bad.
How are you?
Good. I'm good.
I graduated from Colgate.
I got my Masters
in Political Science from Brown.
I have two kids,
Bryant and Abigail.
I hear you're
running for office.
Yes, I am. Congress.
Con... In the fall.
Congress in the fall?
You was the craziest girl
I knew in high school.
- Oh, stop.
- For real, you had a DUI.
You was doing cocaine.
Do you remember that time
you beat the shit
out of Becky Kissinger?
You whupped her ass.
What did she do to you
to deserve that ass-whupping?
Goddamn, you had brass knuckles
on and everything.
You knew about that?
Everybody knew.
Okay, that got
a little bit intense.
I'm sorry, Amanda.
Is this asshole bothering you?
My ex-boo thang.
Still looking good.
You look terrific.
I wonder what the secret is.
I know what it is.
Maybe crushing men's hearts.
How are you, Ray?
You still working
as a bartender at Luigi's,
or did they finally realize you
too short to reach the top shelf?
You still go it.
You still got the jokes.
Yeah, the short jokes.
I don't miss that shit.
Hey, everything okay?
Good, good?
How's it go... Yes.
This just got great.
What the fuck is up,
Ridgeview High class of 2001?
Everyone listen up for a second.
I'm not the one
to make speeches, typically,
but I just want everyone
to say thank you
to my hot-as-fuck wife, Lisa.
- She's on FaceTime.
- Hey there!
Say thank you for
having this party.
Thank you!
Hi. Hey there, everyone.
I hope everyone's over 21.
She's pretty and funny.
Baby, please drive safe.
It's coming down
out there, okay?
Don't do anything stupid
like I would do, all right?
And everyone, please drive safe.
Use Uber.
Crash if you need to.
Don't stay the night,
but take Uber
and don't sue the fuck out of us,
thank you very much.
Say bye to Lisa, everyone.
My little sweet flower. Bye!
We love you, baby.
Be safe, please.
Don't go crazy. What? I can't hear you.
Okay, bye.
All right,
now for the main event.
The entertainment
for the evening.
Everyone's favorite garage band
they got finger-banged to
in the janitor closet,
What The Dilly-O.
I was like, good gracious
Ass is bodacious
Tryin' to show patience
Waitin' for the right time
To shoot my steez
Waitin' for the right time
To flash them keys
Then I'm leavin'
Please believe in
Me and the rest
Of my heathens
Check it, got it locked at
The top of the Four Seasons
Penthouse, roof top...
I saw a dead squirrel
in the driveway.
Okay, so here, this is...
Yeah, here he is.
This is my little Fynn.
Spelled with a Y.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm so happy
that name is popular again.
Well, you can see
he's so beguiling.
What about you, Jas?
Will you guys excuse me?
I have to go pee.
I have to pee every five minutes,
and I can't even drink.
- I'm... I'll drink for you.
- Okay.
Love you.
- She seems sad, don't you think?
- Yeah, no, she's in trouble.
Hey. Can I hang with you?
- Yeah. Great.
- Yeah.
It's nice to talk to someone
who's not lactating.
- Thanks.
- Are you...
- Are you on Wordfeud?
- No.
- Evan!
- Guilty. Yeah, sorry.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- You have officially failed your reunion.
- Really?
- Give me your hand.
- Okay.
- There's still time to turn it around.
- Let's go dance.
- Are we doing this? Oh, God.
Oh, come on.
You used to be a great dancer.
Let's see it.
Come on, you got it.
- Don't be shy.
- I am really... I'm shy.
Do you ever make it to New York?
- To New York?
- Yeah.
Not really, no.
Really? 'Cause your Tinder
profile says otherwise.
What is this?
- Are you cockblocking yourself?
- No!
- That is a block of a cock.
- Give me... I... Stop.
Why does everyone
give me shit about that?
I like it. It doesn't matter.
I mean, it'd be cool
if you were trying to bang
the Creature
from the Black Lagoon.
Seems like
you're on Tinder too now.
- Yeah. Unfortunately.
- Yeah.
I meant, how's it been going?
It's the worst.
But you know, actually,
I would say that the worst date
still in sophomore year.
- We smoked a blunt in the parking lot.
- Yes, we did.
You didn't talk to me for,
like, two hours.
- Yeah, 'cause I thought I was dying.
- Yeah?
You know?
And you avoided me
for the rest of the school year.
Yeah. Yeah,
thank you for reminding me
of my most
humiliating date ever.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
It was so bad,
I would give you a redo.
I appreciate the pity.
You're safe with me.
Oh, Jesus.
I don't think Mathew's wife
would appreciate that.
- It's a party.
- That's a really cool move, though.
- Hey!
- Yeah!
- Fucking love it.
- Come on!
Knock it off.
- Oh, God, it's getting heated over there.
- What's up?
Hey, come on, Meagan.
We partying.
- Baby, what you talking about?
- We fighting.
I just said, knock it off!
You almost broke
my fucking arm, you sociopath!
Hey, hey, hey!
Come on, you guys. Calm down.
- It's good, it's a party.
- No, I'm not calming down.
She's fucking crazy.
And guess what? I'm pressing
charges. That's right.
- You a police officer. Yeah.
- You gonna press charges?
You gonna press fucking charges?
You know what? Fuck you!
- Meagan?
- All of this!
Fuck it all!
It's okay, buddy. Calm down.
- Okay...
- Crazy-ass ho.
No, no, no, no, no!
- Meet me outside.
- Why you gotta be...
Fuck you, I ain't going outside.
I have something
I'd like to say.
I would like to make a toast.
To the class of 2001.
It's been a long time.
But it's also been
a long time...
Hello, Mathew.
Miss me?
What? Sorry, I...
I don't know who you are.
Don't you recognize me?
- No... No, I don't.
- Don't look at them.
They can't help you now.
I'll fill in the picture.
I used to have
hair down to here.
You popularly coined it
a hair cape.
Caught on quite well.
It's gotta sting?
Seeing me like this.
Showing up to our reunion
after years of
you all telling me
that I would never make it.
And yet, somehow,
I'm wearing $62 shoes.
So the joke's on you.
If I could just call
the old me...
It's ringing.
Hey, Viv.
I'm in the future.
It all worked out.
Winning. Successful.
Yeah. The little sparrow
you tried to crush
has turned into
the golden goose.
I've waited 20 years
to say this.
So let's raise our glasses
to the class of
Ridgeview High, yes?
Time to reap what you've sown.
That's just the storm, everyone.
Don't freak out.
Here, some phone light.
Ev, hey, will you come with me?
Find the breaker box?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- I'll be right back. Don't steal my shit!
Oh, my God, that was crazy, man.
- Do you remember that chick?
- No, actually.
- This is a hell of a house.
- Yeah, thank you.
You gonna get a reach-around
from Jasmine tonight or what?
- I'm serious.
- I... I...
Well, I'm... Okay, I hope this works.
- Hey! There it is.
- Hey! Thank God!
Hey! Bada bing.
I just remembered something.
Check this out.
I got something that's gonna
turn the night right around.
What do you got, man?
People are gonna shit
their pants when they see this.
Holy shit, where the fuck
did you get this?
- Nice shot.
- Okay.
I didn't pull it
out of my asshole, Evan.
I stole it 20 years ago.
Started out in petty theft
before graduating
to white-collar crime.
This thing is hideous.
I forgot about it.
Okay, I'm gonna go
put this thing on.
Oh, shit, you're gonna go
to the party in it?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go,
"Go, Wildcats!"
Okay. Yeah. Argh!
- Don't let anyone upstairs.
- Okay. Okay.
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
- Is she okay?
- Yeah. She... She got the spins.
Oh, my God. What is this?
It's Vivian's yearbook.
I love the artwork.
Have you seen Ray?
Yeah, he went outside.
Thank you.
You okay?
Her crazy ass
tried to stab me with a shoe.
- You saw that, right?
- I did see that.
But you, you definitely
did take it too far.
First of all, I didn't...
I didn't go that far.
Yes, I gave
a lot of pelvic action.
- That did happen.
- I saw it.
But look, I got sloppy.
I saw her dance with Mathew,
I got a little jealous.
But that was Meagan
doing her Meagan shit.
- No, it wasn't Meagan. It was you, man.
- Trying to be in my head.
You're acting like, what,
you're 18 years old again?
You dress like
you're 2001 Kanye.
You're working at the same part-time
job you have been for 13 years.
You're embarrassing
yourself, man.
But, I mean, that's a record
for part-time jobs,
probably, 13 years
without being promoted.
And my point exactly.
You're acting like you care
what these motherfuckers think.
You didn't even want
to come to this fucking party.
Yeah. You sit with
Meagan in your head.
Do whatever you got to do.
I'm freezing. I'm going inside.
I'm not comfortable with that.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm not gonna do it.
This is the end
of the conversation.
- You good? You okay?
- Yeah.
- How's Ray?
- He's a dumpster fire.
- Come on, let's go get another drink.
- No, I can't.
There's Matty. Hey, buddy.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Did he just slap you on the butt?
Not hard enough, actually.
- Come on, let's go get another drink.
- No, I shouldn't.
I have a work thing
tomorrow morning,
and whenever I drink too much,
it's a shit show.
On time. Look at this.
Jell-O shots.
I feel good about this.
This is good.
Thank you so much.
Opportunity awaits.
- Just one.
- Just one.
Triple vodka,
whatever's most expensive.
Have a drink with me. Come on.
One for him.
A toast to
your future congresswoman.
- Cheers.
- Thank you.
Goddamn it, that's good.
Give me another.
We're getting fucked up tonight!
Are you registered to vote?
Nope. I don't trust politicians.
Come on, we gotta be quick.
We need to get out
before we get stuck here.
Hey-O. Good seeing you.
I'm not saying anything.
- I'm really drunk.
- No!
- You smell like tequila.
- I do?
Edward 40 Hands.
- Let's do it!
- Let's go!
Hell, yeah!
Man, this is harder
than I remember.
That guy's
casually drinking his.
- Put some energy in that shit, man!
- Come on!
Come on, Ted!
- Hey, man. We're out.
- Wait, where's everyone going?
- I think it's the storm.
- Why is everyone going home?
Are you the fun police?
Are you making people leave?
No, it's... Come on, I need to have fun!
- Okay, let's have fun.
- I deserve to have fun.
- You do.
- I work my ass off year after year.
I don't get a promotion.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- My boyfriend got transferred to London.
- I don't want to know about that.
- He got transferred to London.
Do you know what he said? He
said he doesn't see a future for us.
- I'm sorry.
- He says that he...
doesn't think
that I'm gonna take to London.
Who fucking says that?
"Take to London."
I like British Bake Off.
- Yeah, I do too.
- I watch The Crown.
- Agreed.
- I used to have really bad teeth
- when I was young, you know?
- Okay. That's okay.
It's okay.
- Bro.
- See you.
Okay, okay.
No, I'm sorry,
I'm not gonna be that fucking girl
who gets drunk and cries
at a fucking party.
A little too late, but... Annoying!
- You're doing good.
- I just want to have fun.
- Okay.
- I don't care about the blizzard.
I don't care about the snow.
Neither do I.I want you to suck it.
No. I'll have a... I'll put it
in a glass or something.
- But come on.
- Okay.
Oh, come on.
- Stacy.
- Ray!
Yeah, it's crazy.
How you... How you been?
Good, good. Really good.
- Yeah?
- It's a magical night?
This has been... It's so magical.
It's been, like, just beautiful.
Just a great time seeing everybody
and everything, you know.
Yeah. Ray, honey, can I just
skip in front of you?
Because I'm actually
going for two.
Sorry, but I gotta pee so bad.
If I don't go in there,
I'm gonna pee on myself.
For sure, for sure,
it's just that I'm pregnant.
I get it, yeah. Somebody
knocked you up. That's fine.
That's nice.
It's a beautiful thing.
Gonna have a child
and everything.
But I gotta pee, I'm sorry.
I would let you go first.
Like, if it was the Titanic,
maybe you would go first, but...
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Get out of my way! Sorry!
It's an emergency!
Okay, okay.
Fucking game.
Is everything okay in there?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
What... No.
- Excuse me!
- I said I was fine!
You let me pee first,
and I will help you.
Yeah. It's not a big deal.
I mean,
I've jerked you off before.
Remember? Eighth grade?
At the movies?
I got no choice.
Yes. Yes, go ahead. Go, go.
I swear I'm only having,
like, one, two more kids, max.
Who gives a fuck? Please.
I gotta pee. Hurry up.
I gotta go. I gotta go.
Okay, I got you.
Down! Down! Okay!
Okay. That's better.
- Yes.
- There we go.
What are you doing?
You're really doing this?
For old time's sake.
Oh, shit, that feels so good.
Give us a minute!
- Let's go!
- Yes!
Just give us 32 seconds!
You okay there?
You all good?
Oh, shit.
I got to get these off my hands.
Hey, here.
Oh, man.
Get that.
Let's go!
You were always
Something that I want
You were always
Something that I want
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Let's work it out
Hey, Mathew?
Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
- Jasmine, you okay?
- What's up?
- Oh, my God. It's Mathew.
Did someone just scream?
- Why are you screaming?
- Jesus Christ!
There is frost on my scrotum.
It's freezing in here.
Mathew's dead.
- What?
- What?
I'm sorry.
- Coffee?
- Yes, please.
You want some cream or sugar?
This is outrageous.
How is there no service?
Mathew said the reception
up here was bad.
I mean, you could try
connecting to the Wi-Fi.
I don't think
that's gonna happen.
Somebody decided
to drown the modem.
Good Lord.
Okay, so we have no Wi-Fi
and the landlines are down.
Perfect. I'm sure it'll take
the Department of Power two days
to get everything running
in this bumblefuck county.
Aren't you running for congress
in this district?
Yes, Jasmine.
That was the plan.
But now, I'm following
the path of Ted Kennedy
with my very own Chappaquiddick.
Someone has died,
and all you can think about
is your political career.
I feel very sad for you.
If I lose this primary,
a 78-year-old casino pervert
will win this election.
Is that what you want?
Another bronze man
with a shriveled dick
- running this place?
- Come on, stop.
What's his stance on education?
That's what you took from this?
Hey, you guys?
I got a text message
from Mathew.
- When?
- Last night at 4:00 a.m.
I'm just getting it
because I'm charging my phone.
Okay, what does the text say?
Well, spit it out, Miss Park.
We've had enough suspense.
Maybe she's playing a game.
We have to guess?
He sexted her.
Yeah. How did you know?
Because he sexted me too.
He was completely wasted.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's disgusting.
We know the man was horny
before he died.
Okay, come on, people.
What's the plan? Walk to town?
That's about a seven-mile walk,
and with the cold
and the weather like this,
you get hypothermia by the time
you hit the end of the driveway.
Okay, so...
what is your proposal, Evan?
Amanda, I...
Honestly, I don't think
there's much we can do
till the landlines come up.
- How long is that gonna be?
- I don't know.
- I don't know either.
- You're the cop.
Do something.
There might be
some reception outside.
I'll check the front lawn.
You go to the back, Ray.
- Excuse me, run that by me again?
- Go check the back lawn for reception.
You want me to...
You want me to go outside?
Yeah. See if there's
any reception on your phone.
Yeah, but there's a lot
of snow on the ground,
it's like three feet, man.
I don't want to...
It's cold out there.
Yeah, just go. Just...
Anybody else want to...
"Oh, Ray, you..."
"You go out here
and check the back."
"Nobody else 'cause
you do whatever the fuck I say."
Fucking shit.
Dispatch, this is Unit 12.
Do you copy?
These lemons are fake.
No luck with the radio.
What about a signal?
So, what do we do?
While I was out there,
something weird I discovered.
All the security cameras
were shut off.
Did you see any tracks
in the back?
Like, footprints in the snow
coming or going from the house?
No, I actually didn't.
I was hoping to see some
so I wouldn't have to tread
through three feet
of fucking snow.
Does anyone know
when the storm ended last night?
Yeah, it was supposed
to be after, what, 3:00 a.m.?
And what time did
Mathew text you?
- Like 4:00 a.m.
- So if there's no footprints
or car tracks in the snow,
that means no one
left the party after 3:00 a.m.,
and Mathew had been alive
for at least an hour,
because he didn't text you
till 4:00 a.m.
And that means...
That means Mathew...
was murdered after
the other guests were gone.
So, what are you trying to say?
That the killer is one of us.
Okay, I'm just gonna say
what everyone is thinking.
Yes, we should say how we feel.
Be honest.
That's not... No.
Evan, grab her arms.
- What? No!
- What do you mean, grab her?
There has to be rope
or something somewhere.
- Rope?
- Come on. We all know that it's her.
- I mean, look at her.
- How dare you?
This is
my deceased mother's smock.
We all saw her Charles Manson
yearbook, no?
- Yes.
- Okay? And she called Mathew out last night
- in front of everybody.
- Amanda, put the knife down.
Okay, fine.
But if she slits your throats,
not my fault.
Okay, just breathe for a second.
- Stop!
- I'm being assaulted! I'm being assaulted!
You point a knife at me again,
and I will murder you too.
She just confessed.
No, I meant if you murder me,
I'm gonna murder you back.
To be clear,
I've never killed anyone.
This will be my first kill.
If you could just say that
real quick one more time.
- Fine. Fine. I'm Vivian Chase.
- Stop.
everybody chill the fuck out.
What the fuck is wrong
with y'all?
It's only been 20 minutes,
y'all acting like
this is The Hunger Games.
Now, look, Vivian got
shit-faced last night.
But just because
she got sloppy drunk
doesn't mean she's a murderer.
And look, if we could be real,
all of us had a little beef
with Mathew, okay?
He was a preppy,
Hugo Boss-shirt-wearing asshole.
Rest in peace.
Yes, rest in peace.
Look, y'all, in high school,
we all had these
little weird grudges.
It's just us being
high schoolers, okay?
It's people you still
don't fucking like, okay?
Look, I'll give you
a perfect example.
The person I know
that hated Mathew the most...
I'm just
being straight up, is Evan.
I mean, he talked hella shit
about Mathew all the time.
Like, all the time.
But that doesn't mean
he did anything, you know?
That's right. I remember.
Mr. West was
the all-American receiver.
Destined for glory,
and then cut down
in the prime of his life.
Junior year.
I had a scholarship to Michigan.
Full ride.
And one practice,
Mathew hit me a little too hard
and shattered my knee
into 15 places.
And I lost my scholarship.
That's true.
- True.
- Doomed for a life of mediocrity
in a town you grew up in.
I bet that made you
pretty angry, Mr. West.
Or, dare I say,
It's just the way
you say shit, man.
It's just so fucking intense.
He didn't do... It's true.
Fuck... Shut up.
Fuck what you talkin' about?
- You're drunk.
- It's true. It's true. I didn't like Mathew a lot.
I didn't, but I didn't kill him.
Can we agree, can we just
calm down for a second?
No one's assuming
anyone is anything.
I just think we need
a moment to relax,
eat something. Yeah.
Let's eat something.
We should eat.
Is that cool?
No more pointing fingers,
no anything.
Top cop.
That's a top cop right there,
coming up with a game plan.
How about we get some food?
Let's eat.
- Yes.
- Let's eat.
Let me see what's in here.
Let's see what Mathew got.
He has...
Eggs, anyone?
Lipstick? Really?
My wife doesn't
even know I'm here.
She's in Boston,
visiting her sister.
Is anyone else freezing?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Don't you think
someone should go upstairs
and, you know,
close Mathew's window?
Hey we'll go.
- Yeah.
- We'll go?
- Yeah. Let's close the window.
- Yeah.
I want you comfortable,
you know?
Be right back.
You'd think this would be warm,
but it's...
actually surprisingly thin.
Thank you for
volunteering us, buddy.
Hey, look,
somebody had to step up.
Listen, do not touch anything.
Put the gloves on, okay?
We go in, close the window,
get out.
You think I'm some type
of idiot or something?
I know how crime scenes work.
I watch cop shows all the time.
- Shit.
- Oh, Shit.
I heard dead bodies stink,
but not like this.
Come on, let's get out of here.
What are you doing?
Come here, look. Just come here.
Look at this. Look.
It's a wardrobe
with a bullet hole in it.
Should I open it?
No. You should not.
Do not open it. No, do not...
What did I say?
Just don't touch anything.
Hey, man, why don't you
do me a favor
and stop complaining
and look around some more.
- For what? What am I looking for?
- I don't know.
Look around. Look for clues.
Look under the bed.
There's a dead body on the bed.
Just look under there, please.
I'm going to look under the bed.
Oh, look, nothing under the bed.
Okay, can we go now, please?
It's starting to smell in here.
Thank you.
Wait, wait, hold on. Just think
about this for a second.
None of this seems
strange to you?
All of it seems strange to me.
I mean,
our classmate got shot, yes.
Besides that. Like, why would he
have a window open
in the middle of a blizzard?
I don't know. Maybe he was hot
last night. I don't know.
So you think he got up,
stumbled his ass over there
and opened the fucking window,
and the snow flew in his face
- and he went back to bed?
- Maybe he was shit-faced...
That don't make fucking sense.
Okay, I'm not playing
investigator with you. Okay?
- This is too crazy.
- I'm not trying to.
But there's some obvious shit.
First of all, he got shot twice,
and there's one
random shot in the wardrobe.
Who the fuck they had shooting,
Stevie Wonder?
I don't know.
I'm not an investigator.
This is not what I do.
I'm fucking terrified.
- Everybody downstairs is terrified, okay?
- Yeah.
There's a murderer
running around here.
We can't just sit around getting
fucking shit-faced with Mr. Buckley.
We need to figure this shit out.
Matter of fact,
you got to step up, man.
We need some leadership
right now. Come on, man.
- Come on.
- Okay, okay.
First, we got to find
the murder weapon, right?
Don't give me that... I know...
Because you know, you're prep...
You're ready for this shit.
- I know.
- This is your time to shine.
- Gotta be cool about this.
- Okay, we'll be cool.
But I'm excited.
I can't help it.
What is it that you,
that you do, exactly?
What do you mean?
Your occupation. Lawyer? Doctor?
Those types of jobs
are very difficult
when you're
neurologically diverse.
You're schizo.
That makes more sense.
No, I suffer from somnambulism.
But to answer your question,
what I do day-to-day for work
is I am an online vigilante.
And what is that, exactly?
Well, we help the helpless.
We speak for those
who have no voice.
We walk the walk.
We talk the talk.
I guess I'm most famous for
rescuing the Anderson children.
Please don't touch the photo.
So you rescue cats?
Yeah. Harder than humans.
You have no idea how hard it is
to find an unspayed tabby
in Essex County, do you?
They all look the same.
So you're one of
those weird trolls
from Don't Fuck with Cats.
She brought it up.
Here we go.
Legally, I'm not
allowed to talk about the film.
People are taping us.
There's cameras.
You have to speak up.
There's... I can't...
I was cut
from the final product.
There was an incident.
Oh, God.
Let's just put it this way.
They wouldn't have
caught the guy without me.
Does that pay well?
Googling cats?
Are you interrogating me?
Okay, let's just
leave her alone.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm just trying
to make conversation.
We're snowbound,
and I don't want to be
the first one to get eaten
by the Donner Party.
We have gone from murder
to cannibalism very quickly.
Hey, guys,
if you're done with breakfast,
I want to talk to you in
the living room. Is that cool?
Okay, here's the plan, guys.
We're gonna search the house
for the gun.
And when we find the gun,
we find the killer.
Clearly the weapon
is in Murder Poppins' bag.
I thought her name was Mary.
How about this. Circle up.
Bring it in. Come on.
Now can you please
put your hands
in the pocket or purse
of whoever's next to you
and pull out the contents?
- What?
- Just everyone...
Where are your pockets?
- Yeah, come on.
- Okay.
You have nothing to hide.
Let's do this.
- Watch it.
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
- Jeez.
Where'd you get this?
I picked it up
off the floor last night.
I think somebody was dancing
a little too hard.
Probably lost an earring,
you know.
- More cats.
- Everyone good?
Nothing, right?
No one found anything?
- Amanda?
- Yes.
let's start searching upstairs.
Let's start with Vivian's room.
I didn't make my bed.
There's no gun in the closet.
- Did you find something?
- Me? Nothing.
What is that?
- Amanda! Where are you going?
- Hey! Hey!
We've got a murderer! Get her!
- Get her!
- She's running!
I got it! I got it!
Come on! Push! Push!
No! No!
Okay, grab it! Grab it!
I have that same TV
in my kitchen.
- Is it on?
- Yes, it's on.
Make sure you're recording.
You sure you want to do this?
Read my fucking slogan.
That is a fascist slogan.
I'm gonna be class president.
Stop it.
Okay, car's gone.
Tina's parents are on vacation,
which means that little skank
is home alone.
Amanda, put your mask on.
- Is that Tina Ripley's house?
- Yeah.
She had to drop out
of the election
because she was in the hospital
or something.
Yeah, she had this nut allergy.
Okay, quiet, quiet.
Hey, Tina.
Tina. Good morning!
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, my God!
Go! Go! Go!
Amanda, Jesus Christ,
she was in a coma
for three weeks.
Not my fault she didn't have
her EpiPen on her.
Hey, Mathew,
get over here and make out
with the next class president.
You look good from here.
This looks bad.
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
Get your ass over here.
Oh, my God, speaking of ass,
should we try anal tonight?
Fuck, yeah.
Wait. So you poisoned Tina
just to be class president?
And she was fine in the end.
Okay, this can
never see the light of day.
Actually, Amanda,
I think it would be helpful
if you can explain a little bit
about this.
It's not what you think.
I had nothing to do
with Mathew's murder.
Look, nobody said you had
anything to do with his murder.
That's not what we're saying.
I am. I think so.
I mean, Mathew shot the video,
and then someone shot Mathew.
Little Miss Peanut Poisoner
is looking mighty suspicious.
I didn't kill him.
Okay, well, if that's the case,
I just got a question, you know.
How did you obtain this video
from 20 years ago?
A few weeks ago,
I received a copy of the tape
with a note telling me
to wait for instructions.
Someone blackmailed you?
Who would... Who would do that?
I don't know.
I thought maybe
it could be Mathew,
because, well,
because he shot the video.
But I really had no idea.
Look, I never wanted
to come to this shitty
high school reunion, okay?
Then why did you?
But then a week ago,
I got another note that said
I should come to the party,
go to the garage
and cut the power
at exactly 10:45 p.m.
- What?
- Dear God.
The note said
that if I did that,
I would find the only copy
of the tape
in the toolbox
in Mathew's basement.
Okay, let me get this straight.
You shut the power out
at 10:45, right?
Then after that,
you retrieved the videocassette
from Mathew's basement.
Then what?
That was it.
I just went back to the party.
Raged like it was 2001.
I will be the first to admit
I'm not perfect.
I struggle with empathy.
The tests have proved that.
And how do they test for that?
They show you a lot of videos
of dead animals, and...
I feel nothing.
I want you to
look at this photo.
This is Emily.
She was eaten by owls.
The point is,
I am on the verge of victory,
and my opponent is trying
to lower the age of consent.
I mean,
I am not gonna throw away
my entire campaign
and let it all go to shit
because of a stupid tape
from my childhood.
- I mean...
- Look, it won't do that, okay,
Amanda, because guess what?
None of us is gonna leak this tape.
Because, trust me,
you do not want to
be on my shit list.
Yes, everyone's seen
what happens to your enemies.
Dispatch, this is Unit 12.
Do you copy?
Hey, you know something,
I was thinking...
who would blackmail Amanda?
We don't even know
if she's telling the truth.
She could be making
the whole thing up.
What if she is
telling the truth?
Dispatch, this is Unit 12.
Do you copy?
The only thing
I could think of is...
what if Mathew's killer...
is the one that
blackmailed Amanda
and had her cut the power off?
why would Mathew's killer
need Amanda to
cut off the power?
I don't know, but that's exactly
what we need to find out.
I haven't been
this pumped in years.
I feel like I'm in my own
real-life escape room.
Well, I hope you're thrilled,
'cause it looks like
we're gonna spend
another night here.
I'm only getting
static on the radio.
Come on, let's go inside.
It's freezing out here.
Pass the chicken Balti pie, please.
The cauliflower pizza's
pretty good.
- Yes, it is.
- It's gluten-free.
What's wrong, Amanda?
What's wrong?
We're stuck like rats in a maze
in this goddamn murder house.
Look, let's try to keep
a positive attitude, okay?
The house is...
you know, a lot is happening,
but it's a comfortable place.
I think Mathew and his wife
did an amazing job with decor.
Yes, it's a faux Tudor
with a splash of douche.
I suppose if we're gonna die
in Versace's asshole,
at least we're surrounded
by the people that we love.
It is wickedly exciting,
isn't it?
Nothing makes you
feel more alive
than to be a stone's throw
from death.
Easy there, Stephen King.
Seven little ducklings
Trapped in the snow
One gets shot
Now there's six to go
Whoever dies next
I hope it's not slow
That's very good.
Who can we trust
Be you friend or foe?
Hey, okay, Jesus, you're scaring
the shit out of me.
That's weird.
Listen, guys,
it's never taken more
than a couple days
for the landlines to come back
after a blizzard.
What the fuck
is she doing with that?
I am protecting myself.
I felt like that was obvious.
Someone here is a murderer.
So I'm taking these weapons
and I'm barricading myself
in a guest room for the evening.
Does anyone have a better idea?
I mean, look, the weapon
of choice is very questionable.
But you know something?
That's not a bad idea.
Actually, it's a great idea.
We should all go into
one of the guest rooms tonight,
lock ourselves in.
If you hear, you see anything,
just scream my name.
- Evan!
- Jesus, what?
I'm just practicing.
Shut the fuck up.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No, it's cool. It's cool.
Hope we didn't wake anyone up.
What are you doing up?
I just figured I'd use
the bathroom now before,
you know,
barricading myself in the room.
- That's a good plan.
- Jesus.
- It's a bit of a combat zone.
- Sorry, yeah.
Except I'm not
winning any Pulitzers.
No. Well, I hope you do.
Yeah, it's...
I hope the next time
we actually meet up...
No one's murdered.
Yeah. That would be nice.
That would be good.
I was gonna say
different circumstances,
but, yeah, yeah, no murders.
You know, I feel like...
I feel like the silver lining
in all of this is that
at least we got to reconnect.
Yeah, it's kind of weird,
but I'm kind of glad
I'm stuck here with you.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
Where are you sleeping?
I don't know, maybe down
the hall or something like that.
I feel like I'd feel a lot safer
to know that you were...
you were close.
So I'll talk to you...
Gonna be probably...
I'll try to see if that room
or that... maybe the one
above you is good.
Do you need anything
from the kitchen?
I'm just gonna run to the kitchen
real fast. Is that... You're good?
- Hey, Ev.
- Yeah?
If I die here tonight,
I just...
I just want to tell you...
that your Tinder profile sucks.
You've got to
change the picture.
Help me tom...
whenever we get service up.
Just help me fix it.
That'll be great, yeah.
Good advice.
Good night.
- Who is it?
- It's me.
- "Me" who?
- Me, the killer.
Come on, it's Evan.
Just open the door.
- Hey.
- What's up?
I just wanted to say good night.
- You okay?
- Good night to you, man.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Think you gonna sleep tonight?
- I'll try my best.
I don't know, man.
This is all kinda really weird.
- It is, man.
- I don't know what to do about it.
- How do you feel about it?
- I don't know.
My wheel's been
turning all night.
I'm just trying to figure out
who actually did it,
because I know I need
to do a career change.
I really think
I could be a professional
at solving mysteries and stuff.
What, like Scooby-Doo?
Have a van
and drive around town?
We don't necessarily
got to get a van,
but we can drive around town
solving mys...
I mean, that sounds cool,
but I'm dead serious.
Let me tell you this.
If me and you solve this murder,
then we could be
private investigators.
Start our own company.
Best friends.
I mean, that's...
Yeah, man.
- You'll think about it?
- I'll think about it, man.
Yeah, good night, dude.
Okay, good night.
Hey, lock your door.
- Okay.
- You promise to lock your door?
- I'm gonna lock it. Good night.
- Okay, good. Good night.
- Good night. Good night.
- Good night.
- Yo, Ray.
- Good night.
Theodore Buckley.
Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.
Can't run. Can't run away.
- Vivian.
- Don't.
- You're sleepwalking.
- It's out there.
Wake up. Vivian?
Vivian, no, no! Hey, wake up.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
What do we do?
Stop. Vivian, wake up.
Now That's What I Call Music.
Oh, my God.
Volumes one, two,
Let's go to sleep.
Let's just go
right to the couch.
I just want one grilled cheese,
because I'm not that hungry.
Okay, let's go to sleep.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
What the hell?
What was that?
What the hell
is going on out there?
Jasmine. Jasmine.
Oh, my God. Jasmine.
What happened?
Okay, stay awake.
You gotta stay awake,
Okay? Stay awake.
Why is she on the ground?
Is she unconscious?
Someone left cereal
on the stairs.
Everything okay?
Jasmine, are you okay?
Jasmine! Jasmine!
It's Mr. Buckley.
Mr. Buckley left the cereal
on the stairs.
Oh, God.
Another one?
Is she dead?
Okay, sorry. Sorry.
It's looking a little better.
Swelling's going down.
I'm sorry that I haven't
been completely honest
with you guys.
For several months now,
the paper has been investigating
a story on Mathew's hedge fund.
We have reason to believe
that Mathew and his partners
were embezzling
over $100 million
of their clients' money.
I'm not surprised.
It's on brand.
My editor and I got in a fight
the other night
because he wanted me
to use this reunion as a way
to get access
to Mathew's personal computer.
But that's exactly what you did.
Well, I wasn't going to.
And then he passed away
and I figured, why not?
You know, whatever I find
won't hurt him.
You conniving little weasel.
I didn't think
you had it in you.
I know. It's unethical
and totally out of character.
I just...
I hit a wall at work, and...
I don't know, I really thought
this story would help my career.
Yeah, it would.
I'm genuinely impressed.
All right, so did you actually
find anything on his computer?
I found an extensive list
of Mathew's clients.
And one of the names
that popped up...
was Theodore Buckley.
So is it true?
Is your name Theodore?
Why don't you tell us
why you're here,
Mr. Buckley?
I was invited.
Don't dodge the question.
Why would a creepy
old history teacher
who doesn't like his students
come to their reunion?
Theodore Buckley
invested $300,000
and lost his money
in Mathew's firm.
Are you suggesting
that I killed Mathew?
I'm suggesting that Mathew
is responsible
for losing
your entire life savings.
I'm suggesting that you must
hate every fiber in his being.
I do, and I am glad
that that motherfucking
con man is dead.
Great. That settles that.
He ruined me.
And it wasn't just
my life savings.
I cashed in my pension.
I took out a second mortgage.
I gave it all to him.
So you killed him, right?
You came to this party
to murder Mathew.
I don't know!
I don't know why I came.
He wouldn't return my calls.
He completely avoided me
after he lost all my money.
He just said it was a risk
that every investor takes.
I was so stupid.
All he had to do
was buy me some drinks.
Tell me I was
his favorite teacher,
which we know is a lie,
'cause I am
no one's favorite teacher.
Yeah, no shit.
The trunk of that car is open.
No. Meagan.
It's okay, it's okay.
Hey, it's okay, man. It's okay.
It's okay. Let's go inside.
Let's go inside.
What the fuck, yo?
It's okay.
Okay, who was the last
person to see Meagan alive?
I was.
Did she indicate
to you or to anyone else
that she was in trouble?
Of course not.
Who would want to hurt Meagan?
Why was this
in your pocket, Ray?
What is that? What is it?
- It's an earring.
- It's Meagan's earring.
I found it in Ray's pocket
when we were searching
each other yesterday.
Why do you have that?
- Let me explain.
- I think any time
between now and also now
would be great.
Or maybe even now?
Look, when we went upstairs
to close the window
in Mathew's room,
I found the earring
on the floor.
And I decided to
put it in my pocket
- and you know, hide it.
- Why would you do that?
Because if somebody else
found an earring,
they probably would blame Meagan
for Mathew's murder.
Look, she's not capable
of killing anybody.
The only thing she's ever killed
was my feelings, that's right.
She fucked me up inside,
but she's not a "killer" killer.
so you were covering for her.
- That's all I was doing.
- Okay.
Yes, that's it.
- Give me your shoe.
- What?
- No. What are you doing, man?
- Give me your shoe, bro.
- What you want my shoe for?
- Give me your shoe, Ray.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Now my foot is fucking cold!
I don't want to fight.
Just take it.
Why? What?
I don't know. I'm very lost.
Everyone's gone crazy!
Oh, fuck.
It's your footprints
going to the trunk of the car.
No, how is that possible?
Why are your footprints
out there, man?
- I don't know!
- Come on!
- Hey.
- Lock him up!
- Put it down.
- You guys all saw Meagan
and Ray fighting at the party.
Screaming, ready to rip
each other's throats out.
Yes, yes, I remember
the look in their eyes.
Dancing flames of pure hatred.
Ray caught Mathew
and Meagan together.
He walks into Mathew's room,
and then flew into a rage and...
Bang! Oscar Pistorius.
- So y'all gonna believe this bullshit?
- Stop!
Can we just think
about this a second?
- You have cuffs in the car, don't you?
- Yeah.
- So what...
- So we cuff him until help arrives.
Can we cuff who?
Hold on a second, okay?
We can figure this out.
How about we vote?
We do live in a democracy.
- Do we?
- We do.
Everyone in favor
in cuffing Ray,
- raise your hand.
- No, come on. Come on!
- Well, the people have spoken.
- Okay!
Fuck it.
I'm not... You and these weapons.
You grabbing knives. You get...
What is wrong with you?
To calm everybody down,
I'll get cuffed.
My gosh, we're saved.
We're saved!
Who's this?
This is Jasmine Park.
What are you doing in my house?
Oh, fuck!
Where's Mathew?
Can you put my husband
on the line, please?
They're here!
It's about time.
Listen, man, I'm gonna keep
the handcuffs on you,
but I'm gonna walk you
down to my car
and take you
straight home, okay?
The state police will do
a full investigation
before making an arrest.
It's whatever, man,
but something's not adding up.
What are you talking about?
We were so close to figuring
this thing out. I mean...
Meagan's death doesn't make
any sense at all to me.
It's like it's a jigsaw puzzle,
and the last piece is a LEGO,
- and I just can't figure it out.
- Calm down, man. It's okay.
- What you mean, calm down?
- I mean calm down.
There's two dead bodies here
and they're blaming me.
- I got handcuffs on me.
- Yeah. I know, I know.
That's what it is.
You think I'm the murderer.
Ray, I've known you
since you were six years old.
You've done some stupid shit.
You're not a murderer.
It's okay.
- Hey, how's it going, Keith?
- Hi, Evan.
How is it out there?
- Clear the roads?
- Evan? Hey, this is Lisa, Mathew's wife.
Evan. Evan West.
Officer. Representative Tanner.
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Thank you.
Backup will be here soon.
- Please take all the time you need.
- Hey!
Oh, my God!
- Everybody, get back!
- Hey, Ray?
Just get back. Just get back.
We're not leaving the house yet.
- Okay?
- You fucking imbecile.
If I win in November,
I'm cutting police funding.
This is what convinced you?
Ray, shoot her first.
Both of y'all chill, okay?
I'm not...
I'm not gonna shoot anybody
unless I have to, okay?
But that's not what I wanna do.
I just want to chat.
I just want to go to
the living room
and chat, that's it.
Okay, what would you like
to have a chat about?
Just give me ten minutes.
Well, I still have a glass
of Balvenie I need to finish,
so you have my
undivided attention until then.
Get to the living room.
Now that I got your attention,
we can get started.
Like we had a choice.
Yeah, you didn't have a choice,
but you're here, so leave it alone.
Okay? Because one of you
is a cold-blooded murderer.
And I know
you all think it's me.
But it's not.
So listen,
who would want to kill
our fellow classmate Mathew?
So I started thinking.
Maybe it could be
our old history teacher.
He just lost
his lifelong savings.
He needs some money.
And maybe he's the killer.
Or maybe it's the original
mean girl, that's right.
The blackmail politician
who would do anything
to stay at the top.
Maybe you killed Mathew.
Or maybe it was
the deadbeat townie
who killed his ex-girlfriend.
You know what I don't
understand about you?
I have a whole gun in my hand,
and you still talking shit.
Shut the fuck up, Amanda!
All of us been thinking it.
I know you're happy I said it.
Do you want to say it with me?
- Shut the fuck up!
- Shut the fuck up, Amanda!
If I had feelings,
that might have hurt.
Look, I get it.
We all hated Mathew.
That's just
the honest-to-God truth.
But to figure out
who killed him,
we need to examine who here
has the strongest motive.
Let's start with
the end of the party.
The party ended at
about 12:00, midnight.
Most of the people left.
We all stuck around because
we was getting fucked up.
But then we couldn't leave
because a storm came.
So we all spent the night.
But then when we woke up
that morning,
our classmate Mathew was dead.
And then when we went
outside looking for, like,
tracks, or footprints,
or something,
there was nothing in the snow.
Which meant the murderer
was still in this house.
But then this was interesting.
When me and Evan went upstairs
to close Mathew's window
in his bedroom,
we saw a lot of odd shit
at the scene of the crime.
For instance,
why was Mathew's window open
in the middle of a storm?
That don't make any sense.
Or why was there one shot
in the wardrobe?
And why didn't we hear
any gunshots at all?
And then hours
had passed, right?
And we made
even more discoveries,
which raised
even more questions.
Every last one of us
had a relationship
with Mathew, right?
Which is why killing him
at his high school reunion
is brilliant.
Because what that did was,
it made everybody
in the house a suspect.
Which is exactly
what the killer wanted.
Here's what I think
really happened.
Mathew got the lights back on
and went up to his room
to put on the mascot outfit.
Baby, what are you doing here?
Is this a surprise?
Sort of.
Lisa killed her fucking husband.
- What?
- No!
after she wasted Mathew, right?
She decided to open a window
to freeze the body overnight
so they wouldn't know
the time of death.
Wow, Ray.
This is priceless.
Blaming the woman
that just lost her husband?
She ain't lose her husband.
- She murdered her husband.
- No, that's not possible.
She was in Westchester
the night of the reunion.
Was she?
Matter of fact,
how far of a drive is
Westchester from here?
- Like an hour?
- Less.
Mr. Buckley, man,
I fucks with you, you hear me?
Look, all that was
is the perfect alibi.
Lisa would say
she's at her parents' house
while Mathew was here dancing
away with his classmates.
And no one would suspect her.
You can't be serious.
I'm dead serious!
Lady, it was you.
Matter of fact,
now that I think about it,
I think about a couple things.
First of all,
who throws a class reunion
at somebody's house?
I don't know why we're not
in the gymnasium.
That's how I know
there's some bullshit going on.
Also, you had access
to his home movies,
which is why you were able
to blackmail Amanda.
The puzzle
coming together now, ain't it?
While Amanda was cutting
the power out,
Lisa was hiding outside
by the house.
And then once the power was off,
Lisa snuck back into the house
not being seen
by the security cameras.
Now, once upstairs,
she hid in the closet,
waiting on Mathew to change
into that mascot costume.
Her plan was to put
the mascot uniform on, right?
Sneak out the house,
head back to Westchester
before the storm got too heavy,
and no one would know
she was ever at this party.
there was a complication.
And it threw
a monkey wrench in the plan.
Just before the blackout,
me and Meagan got into
a somewhat
heated exchange, okay?
And I thought
she left the party.
When in actuality, Meagan snuck
upstairs to Mathew's bedroom
to hook up with him.
The fuck?
Meagan most likely saw Lisa
sneak into the sitting room.
And what she did
was hide in the wardrobe,
where she witnessed Lisa... MATHEW: Baby,
what are you doing here?
- Is this a surprise?
- murder...
- Sort of.
- her husband.
Lisa had to do
what she had to do, right?
There couldn't be no witnesses,
so she killed Meagan
and hid Meagan's body
under the bed.
Then what she did was, she put
Mathew's costume on, right?
Came downstairs
and partied with us.
I mean, partied all night.
And I was thinking
that wildcat can really dance.
Mathew didn't know
how to dance like that.
I knew there was
something off about that.
I'm just throwing
that out there.
But then
when the coast was clear,
she took the costume off,
turned the security cameras off,
and drove her crazy ass
back to Westchester.
Wait a minute.
No, that can't be right.
If Lisa went back
to her parents' house,
then who sent the text from
Mathew's phone at 4:00 a.m.?
Her accomplice.
See, Lisa couldn't plan this
by herself, no.
Her accomplice...
is Evan.
- No.
- Shut the fuck up.
It's Evan.
My best friend.
Are you out of
your freakin' mind, Ray?
I wish I was.
But I'm not.
See, Lisa gave Evan
the password to Mathew's phone
so he could text hours
after he was killed,
hiding his time of death.
He used old nudes
in Mathew's phone
to sext Amanda and Jasmine.
The reason why we didn't hear
any gunshots last night
is because
my good friend here, Evan,
took a silencer
from the police evidence locker.
Something that could be
easily put back
without anybody ever missing it.
Pretty smart.
But there was still a problem.
What do they do
with Meagan's body?
Oh, look, nothing under the bed.
Can we go out, please?
It's starting to smell in here.
See, when Lisa told Evan
about Meagan's death,
they had to act quickly
or it would ruin
all their plans.
So Evan decided
to frame the most likely person
for Meagan's death.
So last night,
when all of us was asleep, right,
Evan put on my boots
and carried Meagan's dead body
to the trunk of the car.
But while he was doing it,
he saw that somebody was awake.
So he got nervous.
He was scared
he was gonna get caught.
So what he did was,
disguise himself
in the wildcat costume.
And Jasmine was
just unlucky enough
to run into him
in the middle of the night.
Come on,
you're fabricating everything,
and no one believes you.
I'm sorry. Ray.
- Jasmine, back me on this.
- I need a minute.
This is so messed up.
I'm sorry, Ray...
You right, bro.
It is really messed up.
Jasmine, do you remember
what you was hit on the head
with last night?
It was a candlestick.
A candlestick.
You know something,
when I saw it,
I was like,
what is this little witchy,
weird thingy?
But it looked
very familiar to me.
pull up your Tinder profile
and click on Evan's page for me.
Just think about it.
That candlestick looked like
it could have been a part
of some type of costume,
or some type of event, you know.
You know,
something like Horrorpalooza,
where Lisa and Evan
attended together
as Phantom of the Opera.
Oh, my God, it's her.
That's her.
Holy shit.
I know.
She's a horrible Christine.
But you know what's funny?
The candlestick is not even
what tipped it off for me.
It was the cologne.
Yeah. See, we got the shower.
You know how we do when
we get out the shower, fellas.
Spray a little cologne on the neck,
so we smell good?
It was Mathew's cologne
in his bathroom,
which smells exactly
like the cologne
you had on at the party.
Oh, yes, and because you sprayed
too much, I smelled your ass.
But I'm like,
what is the chances
that Mathew and Evan
has the same cologne?
Unless it was
Lisa's favorite cologne.
La Nu... La Nu... La Na Nu...
Look, I failed French. You know,
the Saint Laurent shit.
But look,
that's when I realized, though,
that Lisa and Evan was fucking.
A.K.A., having a fucking affair.
I'm sorry,
you're misleading people so much right now.
And maybe I do have
the same cologne as Mathew,
but that doesn't
make us murderers.
Does anyone else get that?
This is crazy.
Okay, well, do me a favor, man,
because, you know,
you keep acting like
I don't know
what I'm talking about.
I know you two had to, like,
message each other,
- so let me see your phone.
- Yeah. Sure. Yeah.
Look at my phone.
You're not gonna find anything.
- There's no text.
- Could you grab the phone for me?
You see my hands
are full, brother. Damn.
There's nothing.
There's no correspondence
about planning
a murder anywhere.
You just think I ain't that smart,
like I was born yesterday.
Let me tell you this.
There's so many different apps
you could communicate on,
especially if you
want to communicate
and you don't want anybody to
know what you're talking about.
See, you don't remember.
You showed me something
on one of our favorite apps
we play all the time.
It's called Wordfeud.
That's right. Wordfeud.
Now, go to the chat box.
Keep scrolling.
Look at all these messages.
That's how y'all communicated.
And because of this,
you guys just learned
Lisa and Evan orchestrated
and executed
the murder of Mathew.
And that's what the fuck
happened! You did it!
Yes! I figured it out!
Nobody else did!
You two murdered Mathew
because you wanted
to run away together,
be in love
and spend all his fucking money!
I figured it out! I did it!
Mr. Buckley,
you didn't believe in me,
you drunk son of a bitch!
And, Jasmine, you made up
the story about the bullshit
about Meagan and Mathew fucking,
and then I murdered them!
It never happened! And Vivian...
Amanda, and you as a politician,
I loved you to death!
Nah, I'm lying.
I won't vote for you!
Kiss my ass! I was right!
And let me
tell you something, Evan...
Please tell me I'm not right.
It's not you.
It's not that you have
shitty taste in men.
It's just that...
most men are just shitty.
Keith, can you give me a second?
Just one second, please.
Just give me a second.
Ray, my best bud, man, I'm...
I'm sorry
I dragged you into this.
I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to do
any of this, I just...
You should be!
You know something? I don't want
to hear shit you gotta say.
So take the deer piss
that's on your jacket
and get the fuck out of here.
I've got to spend the next
40 years of my life
being nobody. A nobody.
You get that.
Evan, let me say this to you.
I'd rather be a nobody
than a murderer.
And I'm neither,
and you're both.
- I underestimated Ray.
- You sure did.
You underestimated Ray.
And now you're going to jail.
- Yup. Let's go.
- That's right.
I won't visit you.
I'm not gonna call you.
You're going to jail now!
Locked up,
they won't let you out.
They won't let you out.
It's interesting what they do
with the formaldehyde now
with the bodies... He's back.
I'm sorry about your friend.
It's fucked up.
You were amazing.
You're incredible.
Not bad.
You know, our paper hires
investigators all the time.
- You should think about it.
- Wait, so you're saying
you can get me a job?
Ray Hammond,
private investigator.
It has a ring to it.
You know something, y'all?
I don't want to be here no more.
- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- Yes, please.
Would love to.
I have a request.
Will you all sign my yearbook?
While we're at it,
why don't we get a photo
of this fucked-up weekend?
Hey, coroner, come over here.
We want a photo.
Yes. Just leave the bodies.
It's cold enough.
Are we sure
we want to document this?
All right.
Say "Evan."