Rich and Strange (1931) Movie Script
Hello, Emily.
Hello, Fred.
I think you'll lik e me in
this dress when it's done.
Oh. Have you broken
your umbrella?
I made you steak and
kidney pudding for tonight.
And i was wondering
whether you'd like
to stay in and listen to the wireless
or go out
to the pictures.
Mr. Baker will give his 12th
talk on accountancy in 3 minutes.
The pictures then,
dear?
Damn the pictures and the
wireless and the office.
I want some life!
Life, i tell you!
Like that.
What you want, dear, is
some little liver pills
and some fruit torte.
I don't want any pills.
I want some of
the good things of life.
Money.
Why should you be able
to spend less on yourself
than some women do
on their rotten poodles?
Why shouldn't you have
a hairdresser
and a lady's maid?
Why, Fred, i never
expect those things.
That's just it.
The good little women
like you don't want enough.
Get out of there!
I think the best place
for us is a gas oven.
Fred!
To talk about gas ovens
when we've
a roof over our heads.
Food, beds...
oh, and lots of things.
Is that the post?
Oh, let it be
the gas bill.
Serves you jolly
well right if it is,
talking about
gas ovens.
Oh, thanks.
Have you left everything ready
for me outside, mrs. Porter?
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
Good night. Good night,
ma'am. Good night, sir.
Good night,
mrs. Porter.
Is it the income tax?
Em! Quick, look.
Oh!
See this, em?
Now you can have
some real clothes.
Oh! My new dress!
Hurry up, old james,
you'll be late for the office.
You know, em, i always
got into the sea.
I hear it's a bit
rough in the channel.
Hello. We're off.
Come on, em.
Let's take a snap.
I say, em, i think i'll pop
down and get you some sick...
i mean, magazines.
Yeah, but...
oh, my god. The curtain's gone up too soon.
D.
They're not dresse
i mean...
Let's get out of here.
I don't like it.
Why not?
Somebody
just pinched me.
Where?
You know where.
You leave it to me.
So long, folks.
See you tomorrow.
What's in that
parcel, Fred?
For you.
Whoo!
I couldn't wear
this.
People will think
we aren't married.
don't feel
a bit as if we are.
One of the sailors told me
it was a bit rough outside.
Yes,
i heard that, too.
I say, em...
i think i'll go do
wn to the cabin
and, um, i mean,
you know...
to see if everything's
all right.
All right, Fred.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, hello, commander.
How do you do,
miss emory?
Are we going to have
a lot of fun and mischief?
I hope so.
We're not off yet.
Just about that much.
It's a marvelous night,
isn't it?
Yes, isn't it?
Is your husband
feeling better?
Oh, yes,
he's much better.
He's really
a very good sailor,
but he's not
used to it.
Yes.
Oh, commander gordon,
aren't you coming down?
We're all waiting
for you.
Do you mind if i have
one more pipe in peace?
Oh.
Oh.
You know, these bright
young people
make one feel
awfully old at times.
Oh, i like to keep them
enjoying themselves.
Come in.
How do we go now, sir?
Would you like to try
a little something?
Tell my wife.
She'll get me
a grave.
Very good, sir.
Here's another.
May i draw on this?
Sorry?
Yes. If you want to.
You're the crazies
t person, really.
Why do you say that?
I don't know.
You're delicious.
I could sit and listen
to you all the afternoon.
You're laughing at me.
No, no, i'm not,
really.
Funny you should say that
because i always find it
so difficult to talk
to people.
Do you?
Yes.
But not to you.
I find it quite easy...
much easier than i could
to my husband.
Do you know...
i see...
i beg your pardon.
Oh, no.
Oh, please, i didn't
mean to interrupt.
Go on.
Well, what i was
saying was
you know, i couldn't
understand it at first.
But now i think
i know why it is.
Oh? Why?
Well, you see,
you're just a man
and not my husband.
And if you
get bored with me,
all you've got to do
is to get up and go away
and it doesn't matter.
Yes, but it would
matter very much.
Have you ever been
in love, mr. Gordon?
No, i can't say
that i have.
That's a pity.
That's a pity
because it's difficult
for you to understand.
You see, i love Fred
and he loves me.
And naturally, i want
him to think well of me.
When i talk to him,
i'm always so frightened
of saying something
foolish.
You see, he's
terribly clever.
And i'm not, eh?
No.
Oh, i think you're
interesting and amusing.
And you like the things that i like... yes.
Well, that doesn't
take much doing, does it?
No, i suppose not.
No, i don't think
you're clever.
No, i supposed
i'm not really.
I say, it's
a very lucky thing
that, uh, we're no
t in love, isn't it?
Yes. Isn't it?
Love is a very difficult
business, mr. Gordon.
You'd be surprised.
It makes everything
difficult and dangerous.
You know, i don't think
love makes people brave
like it says in books.
I think
it makes them timid.
I think it makes them
frightened when they're happy
and sadder
when they're sad.
You see, everything's
multiplied by two...
sickness, death,
the future.
It all means
so much more.
Oh, i'm afraid i haven't
made myself very clear.
Yes, you have.
You see, love's a
wonderful thing, mr. Gordon.
Yes.
The kind of love that
you're describing must be.
You know, i think
i shall have to try it.
You must.
You're just
cut out for it.
But do be sure
you get the right girl.
It'd be a crime
if you were wasted.
Mrs. Hill...
will you give me
an honest answer
to a straight question?
Why, yes.
Are you trying
to pull my leg?
Pull your leg?
I don't quite know
why i said that.
H.
It's rather foolis
forgive me,
will you?
Oh, yes, of course.
What i was searching
to say. I mean...
hello, gordon.
Why, hello, colonel.
Oh, and, um, this i presume is mrs. Gordon.
Oh, there you are.
Now, come along, ken.
You distinctly promised
me you wouldn't run away.
I want you to help me
feed the seagulls.
If you come along
with me, colonel.
There you are.
No, no, commander,
don't be silly.
If i may intrude for just
a teeny weenie second.
It's just struck me,
i have the very thing
for your poor ill husband.
That's very kind
of you.
I have a perfectly
marvelous plaster.
You just put one on
and the effects?
Magical.
But what do you?
There's one on the...
next the skin.
I guarantee he'll be
up tomorrow, i really do.
I guarantee it.
Thank you so much.
Oh, it's nothing.
I really only carry them for the
benefit of the less fortunate.
Don't you think the world would
be a better place, commander,
if we all did that sort of
thing a little more often?
Yes, i suppose so.
I'm afraid i don't
bother very much
about other people.
I don't believe it.
No, no. I don't believe it
shall i fetch the plasters later on?
What?
Oh, yes, yes.
Now, commander,
what about a 4 at bridge?
I'm afraid not.
I promised to take
mrs. Hill for a stroll.
If you'll excuse me.
What a perfect gentle knight
you are, commander.
Good evening.
Like to see a ship we
were once passengers in?
Oh, gordon.
I called you gordon.
Why, that's
a christian name, too.
Yes. I liked it.
It sounded kind of
friendly.
The mister got lost
out here, didn't it?
Yes, i'm glad.
Let it stay lost.
It's rather good, eh?
Gordon.
Just one bloke
to another.
Oh!
I feel quite dizzy.
Let's go back.
Ah! Well, upon my soul,
i've been looking
for you everywhere,
when you were here
all the time.
Behold,
the wonder worker.
Thank you.
And tomorrow your
husband will be up
and looking
after you again.
But poor
commander gordon
will be left right into the background.
There, there.
I'm only joking.
You like
my high spirits?
How funny.
Well, i must be
going.
Good evening.
Well, i suppose i'd better
be saying good night, too.
Is it all right?
Yes. From the office.
What's for dinner, em?
Steak and kidney
pudding?
What, again?
Every other night it's
steak and kidney pudding.
Gosh, em,
i'm feeling fine.
I say, em, these deck
games look good to me.
Yes.
Drat!
Ooh!
Oh, i'm most
terribly sorry.
I say, damn it.
You need to be more careful.
You might have
knocked my eye out.
They ought to have a rope
round here or something.
I say, old man, no need to go on like that.
It was quite
an accident.
The princess
couldn't help it.
Don't be angry
with him.
I am not offended.
Get down.
You'll fall.
Ah, Fred.
How lovely.
Ah, my bag...
you'll stay here?
Yes.
Don't run away
without me.
No.
Have you seen
the colonel?
No.
No?
You hare. He's the
re all the time.
Now, colonel, don't forget
you're coming with me
to buy my carpet.
What? Oh, yes.
Yes, you'd better come
now, i think.
Good morning.
Don't forget you' re coming
to buy my carpet, will you?
Fred, isn't it
lovely?
Em, i shouldn't
take that with you.
It makes you look
like a tourist.
To think that place has
been there all these years.
All those
strange people
having their babies.
Dying.
Cooking their
funny meals.
Strange.
It's been there
all these years.
You don't think they built it
especially for us overnight, do you?
Well, you needn't
snap my head off.
That's the third time
you've spoken to me
like that since yesterday. I'm sorry.
Ah, Emily!
Oh, your husband.
He looks so good.
Don't he?
Going ashore...
oh, come. Let us go.
Hello.
Aren't you going ashore?
Yes.
Well, there's not
too much time.
May i carry that for you?
Come on!
Em, are you coming bathing
with the princess and me?
No, i'm staying with miss
emory to buy her carpet.
Oh, my dear, really,
that's quite all right.
I don't mind.
Fred...
oh.
There.
There, there.
Yes, i like this,
i think.
Come on. Uh... really.
Be careful, dear.
I rather like that.
Thank you.
Now, mr. Gordon,
you'll carry this
for me, i'm sure...
well, he's gone.
Well, colonel,
you can carry it.
Good. Good morning.
Shall we go?
Fred may be
looking for me.
Yes, i suppose
we'd better.
Our little
twin beds, huh?
Uh, shall we?
Oh!
My poor heart.
You make him
jump so.
You feel?
Cabin number 19.
No, no, no.
Not right away.
You must be what
you call indiscreet.
You go have
your promised dance
with the, um,
gossip woman.
Then she will not
look for you.
Cabin number 19.
Good evening.
Don't you think
my shepherdess costume
makes me look young?
Yes.
How old?
Whoo!
Good evening.
Can i get you an ice?
Oh, yes, please do.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Aah!
I'm drunk, Emily.
No, you're not.
I am.
Admit it.
Well, if you are,
i am, too.
Exactly.
Hello, em.
Hi, gordon.
Hello.
Sit down.
I'm tight.
What are you
gonna have?
All right. I'll get you something.
Steward.
Oh, hello, Fred.
Hello.
Hello, Emily.
Oh, no, no, no.
I sit there.
Why, hello, princess.
What will you have?
Oh, i think, um,
a brandy and soda.
Brandy and soda?
Oh, steward, a brandy
and soda as well, please.
Have you
a cigarette, Fred?
Yes, i think so.
Ah, what do you
want, a cigarette?
Please.
I have one.
There you are.
Thank you.
It's a gorgeou
s night outside.
Perfect
for lovers.
Oh, have you seen
my husband anywhere about?
I think he went ashore
with the princess, madam.
? My wife?
? Won't let me...?
Well, uh...
why not let me
show you around town, eh?
I'd be delighted.
I say...
yes, sir?
When's there a boat
leaving again for shore?
There's one going
in 5 minutes.
5 minutes.
Shall we? All right.
You've been
thinking a lot.
Oh, i'm as much
at sea as ever.
It's a bewildering
business, this,
this being at sea.
But on the night
of the carnival,
i knew that Fred and
the princess were...
were drunk, too.
Compared with them, we
were a pair of sober sods.
But i can't
feel sorry.
About them?
About us.
Tell me, Fred,
have you not a regret
for treating Emily so?
Well, i wouldn't be
human if i had no regrets.
Naturally,
i feel for her.
I'd be a pretty poor
sort of fish if i didn't.
Of course, she's fond
of me i know.
I suppose we were happy enough
in our own quiet little way
until we came on this trip and i met you.
After that, of course,
it was all out.
I mean, how can i be
expected to love Emily
when i...
when i love you?
Water is
a good drink,
but champagne
he is better, yes?
That's it.
That's it.
And having developed
a taste for champagne
what's the use of
trying to stick to water?
Oh, well, maybe she
will find someone
who is nearer
her own level.
Yes. She'll probably
be much happier.
Of course, you know, she
never really understood me.
I was a bit
too much for her.
Like to see a ship we
were once passengers in?
It's running away
from us now.
Him.
Is he going
to beat us?
You are going to let me
take care of you, aren't you
oh, i don't know.
Let me make this
figure real.
After all, you know,
you drew it.
[People singing
"for he's a jolly good fellow"
isn't it marvelous
to think
that after tonight we
should always be together?
Yes.
But don't forget,
Fred.
Tomorrow
when we go ashore,
i'm asked
to get off alone.
Oh, yes.
My hand.
Sorry.
But i can't help feeling
a bit worried about em.
I hope she'll
be all right.
Fred...
hmm?
If the woman
can't hold her man,
there's no reason why
he should take the blame.
No. I suppose
you're right.
You always are.
Shall we go inside?
All right.
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray! Hooray!
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip...
hooray.
I've seen it
all along.
Look at the way
you made yourself
an absolute
slave to him.
Anyway, i'll be able
to make you happy now.
You wouldn't go back
to that dull life again?
Fred may have
to go back.
Oh, he's fickle.
If he were a man,
i'd feel ashamed.
As it is,
i frown for him.
Bluff. Empty shirt.
Oh, gordon.
It used to make
my heart ache
to hear you worship
that overgrown sham,
the way you
kowtowed to him.
He was just a great baby
masquerading
as a big, strong man.
I've held my tongue
because i hadn't the heart
to open your dear eyes.
But now, you're not
his wife anymore.
Yet a princess
fell in love with him.
Princess.
Do you know why Fred
succeeded so admirably
with her royal highness?
Because she's
not a princess.
She's just a common
adventuress
and he was the biggest
asset aboard.
She set her trap
and caught him.
Why didn't you
warn him?
Much good that would'v
e done, sweetheart.
You can't teach
the Freds of this world.
What'll happen to him?
I don't know,
and i don't care.
When she's spent
all his money,
she'll drop him
like a hot brick.
Then he can come
to his senses.
Alone.
It's not our business,
sweetheart.
M.
We've got to forget hi
but don't you see,
i can't, gordon.
A wife's more than
half a mother.
And i've been married
to him for over 8 years.
It's a long time,
you know that?
Oh, think what
it means, gordon.
I hate to.
No, gordon.
I can't!
Ask him to stop.
Fred...
i've been down
to make certain.
She has gone
with him.
That must be the
dinner i sent for.
Come in.
Oh, uh, wait there.
Put the bill
on the table there.
Fred?
Oh!
Oh.
Perhaps you would wish to
speak alone with Fred? Eh?
I will wait downstairs
for you, Fred. Yes?
Uh...
i'll go and get a shirt.
Thank you, uh...
princess.
You did not go
with him.
You little fool.
You damn little fool.
I'm just... i was
just fixing up
to go bathing
with the princess.
You don't want
to come, do you?
I suppose you'll be going
somewhere with gordon.
He's gone.
He's what?
He's gone to his home.
Up country.
Well, fancy that.
He wanted to take me
with him.
What's that?
He loves me.
And how far has
this thing gone?
Oh! Fred, don't start
play acting over this.
It'll only make
things worse.
Oh, play acting.
Huh!
Sorry state of
affairs.
Yes, yes, Fred!
Let's take all that as said!
I'd have gone with him
if it hadn't been for you.
For me?
He'd have made me
happier.
But you've no right...
when i said i would,
he started to show me you as
the outside world sees you.
Not as i've seen you,
blinded by love
and all this long
time together.
Don't... you're mad.
Yes, i was to have
missed my chance.
But after what he said...
Oh, come in!
Get out of here!
Well, what did
he say then?
Just the truth,
Fred.
He said you were
a sham,
nothing but a bluff.
I'll smash him
to bits, is what i'll do.
He wouldn't have
any fear of you, dear.
He knows you're just
a great big coward.
Well, if you thought
so much of him to listen
to all his dirty lies about me, why
the devil didn't you go with him?
Because i recognized
your faults.
Whereas, before i'd
always dressed you up
in all kinds
of silly virtues.
Oh, very much
obliged, i'm sure.
I saw that i was
the wife for you.
That without me,
you'd be lost.
I couldn't allow that.
It wouldn't be right,
would it?
Not right, eh?
Very kind of you,
i'm sure.
And do you think that after
the way you've behaved...
i suggest that if you want to
get this thing straightened out
and not wreck everything
through... this trip,
you've got to do
something about this.
Well, what's that?
She's a sham, too.
You don't tell me.
Is anybody or
anything real then?
And in what way is
the princess a sham,
if it's not troubling
you too much?
Because she's not
a princess at all.
Because she's just
a common, cheap adventuress.
And she only threw
her hat at you
because you were
the one man on board...
oh, shut up! Shut up, damn you! It's true!
Shut up, i tell you.
Shut up!
I'll shut up
when i've said...
shut up!
That's all.
I'll go to
the princess.
My things can be
sent on.
Good-bye.
Just a minute.
Come in.
Thank you.
"dear...
"knowing you, i accept
your verdict.
"You have made your choice
and i see the way of it.
"I don't know much
about love,
"how long it lasts
or what the remedies are,
"but i love you, Emily.
"So much that i can't
write anymore...
only blessings
and prayers for you. "
Don't you dare say,
"i told you so. "
She...
caught the train
to rangoon.
But i can't make i
t out why she would...
um, do you think
that this has got her...
give it to me.
What do you mean by
hiding my letters?
She's gone.
She was a fraud.
She thanks me for
my company and says
her father kept
a cleaning shop
in berlin.
That little swine.
Yes! That's what she is.
The swine!
To treat you like that.
Oh, i could...
what a fool
she's made of me.
What a fool!
Oh, Fred.
Poor Fred. Oh, for god's
sake, keep your pity!
But i tell you again,
If you say "i told you
so," i'll strangle you
i will, i swear i will.
Wish i could strangle her.
And all the time she was
just a rotten street walker.
I'll set the police
on her, that's what i'll do.
But you can't. She hasn't done anything.
I mean, not
broken any law.
Hasn't she just?
That's all you know.
She's only robbed us of 1,000. What?
You would like...?
Get out!
But how could she?
Oh, she told me
a pack of lies
about an expected
remittance or something.
Anyway, it was only
to be a loan.
Well, not a loan exactly because
we were pooling everything we had.
And then there were
our passages to australia...
of course, i was going
to see the jeweler all right.
I mean...
well, you were gonna run away
with your precious gordon.
But i didn't.
Well, did i?
I wish i'd never
come on the trip.
Think of that tart
heading for burma
with 1,000 of the best
in her pocket
and shoving her fingers
to her nose.
How in god's name are we
going to get home, Fred?
Shall we have enough?
Oh, i dare say we have enough to
pay this bill and a cheap boat home.
Fred!
Fred!
That's all right,
darling.
All hands on deck!
What's up, em?
Em, what's happened?
We've stopped.
I don't know...
you must know.
I don't.
What is it?
I don't know.
I don't.
There was a big bang
and something fell.
It hit you on the head.
You'll be fine.
Can't get
the damn thing open.
The bolt!
Why can't you open
this door, you fool?
Help! Help!
Help! Oh, help!
Help!
Help!
There go the lights, em.
Help! Help!
Help!
Help!
It's no use, Fred.
We can't get out, em.
We're dying.
Oh, em,
for god's sake.
Fred...
do you mind very much?
Not now.
I did at first.
I'm... i'm scared, em.
Em...
i'm sorry.
What for, Fred?
There's only been you.
There's only ever
been you.
Oh, i know.
I know.
Fred.
Fred!
It's daylight.
Look.
Look at
the port hole.
Don't do that.
You'll let the sea in.
Be quicker anyway.
Fred, we could have
got out last night.
The gangway is
just outside.
If only we'd thought.
Oh, i'll go first to see if it's all right.
Come on, darling.
Come on.
Don't forget,
feet first.
Ooh. Ahh.
Come on.
Ooh!
Ahoy!
Ooh!
Have they gone, Fred?
Don't go sneaking up
to a chap like that.
It's scary enough without
playing funny tricks.
Of course they've gone
They'll come back,
chappy.
Oh, will they?
They'll reckon it's gone
down hours ago
instead of floating
on like this.
Why did it, Fred?
How the dickens
do i know?
The silly things
you ask.
What the hell do
we do now?
That's the question.
Well, we want a boat
or a raft or something.
You don't tell me.
Fred, hadn't we better go and
find some clothes or something?
Somebody might come.
Yes, that's very likely.
Let's see
what's in here.
I'd better give yo
u a hand with these.
All right?
Yes.
That's better.
Ha ha!
Ohh...
he set next to me
at dinner.
Let's go.
Phew.
It's getting
on my nerves.
I need a drink.
I know. Let's
go down to the bar.
We'll have brandy.
It'll warm us up.
Here we are.
I tell you one thing:
We'd better get a move on
and find some way out of this,
make a raft
or something.
Fred.
Mm-hmm.
Here. Listen.
What?
Do you think it's mad
if i use the gentleman's?
Ours is underwater.
Yes. Go on.
No sense in being
suburban.
Listen.
Fred, look!
A chinese junk.
Give me your hand.
That's right.
There we are.
Ohh!
Uh, good afternoon.
Fred, look!
She's going
to have a baby.
Seems all right, em.
Mm! Best meal
i've eaten for ages.
Much better than all those
swell meals we had in paris.
Mm!
I like being
shipwrecked.
It's not half as bad
as people make out.
Hmm. Nothing ever is.
Why, this is as good
as yachting.
Hi!
Dullard dummies,
aren't they?
Ah...
Hello. What's
the old boy up to?
Help me up, Fred.
Ok.
Ooh! Sat on a knot.
I'll tell you
one thing, em.
What's that?
That ship going down has done us
a bit of good in a way, you know.
Well, don't you see?
That 1,000 pounds
i gave... i lost
well, we can say it
went down with the ship.
Why, yes.
And then we'll be
able to get some more
and buy some clothes
and things when we land.
Yes. When we land.
Fred, do you
hear that?
It's a baby.
What do you mean?
That woman's had
her baby.
How could she?
Well, anyway,
she has.
Isn't it wonderful
i'd better go and
see if i can help.
Better keep
out of it, em.
They don't want us.
We'd only be in the way.
I suppose so.
There, there.
Don't cry, em, old dear.
Why, these damn chinese
breed like rabbits.
We're all right, em.
We've got each other.
Oh, the poor
little mite.
Gosh, isn't it ugly?
You mustn't do that!
You mustn't!
No newly born baby
could stand it!
Stop it, stop!
Don't be silly, em.
How would you like
a chinaman to tell you
how to manage your baby?
Besides, look
how strong it is.
I bet that chap
holding it is the father.
See how proud
he is of it?
I made a nice steak
and kidney pudding
and i've ordered
the papers
and i had the wireless
batteries charged.
Have issued the following gale warning.
Strong northwesterly gales all
coasts of the british isles.
Rain in most districts,
some hail or sleet locally.
Channel crossings
extremely rough.
What are you
looking at, Fred?
I was wondering if we could
get a pram down that passage.
But are we
going to be here?
What? Why not?
When you get your new job
as traveler for the firm,
i'm going to a bigger,
better house than this.
Oh, what do you
want to move for?
There won't be
enough room here.
Oh, i never heard of
anything so ridiculous.
We've been here
for all these years.
What do you want
to move for?
That is the very
reason why.
Hello, Fred.
I think you'll lik e me in
this dress when it's done.
Oh. Have you broken
your umbrella?
I made you steak and
kidney pudding for tonight.
And i was wondering
whether you'd like
to stay in and listen to the wireless
or go out
to the pictures.
Mr. Baker will give his 12th
talk on accountancy in 3 minutes.
The pictures then,
dear?
Damn the pictures and the
wireless and the office.
I want some life!
Life, i tell you!
Like that.
What you want, dear, is
some little liver pills
and some fruit torte.
I don't want any pills.
I want some of
the good things of life.
Money.
Why should you be able
to spend less on yourself
than some women do
on their rotten poodles?
Why shouldn't you have
a hairdresser
and a lady's maid?
Why, Fred, i never
expect those things.
That's just it.
The good little women
like you don't want enough.
Get out of there!
I think the best place
for us is a gas oven.
Fred!
To talk about gas ovens
when we've
a roof over our heads.
Food, beds...
oh, and lots of things.
Is that the post?
Oh, let it be
the gas bill.
Serves you jolly
well right if it is,
talking about
gas ovens.
Oh, thanks.
Have you left everything ready
for me outside, mrs. Porter?
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
Good night. Good night,
ma'am. Good night, sir.
Good night,
mrs. Porter.
Is it the income tax?
Em! Quick, look.
Oh!
See this, em?
Now you can have
some real clothes.
Oh! My new dress!
Hurry up, old james,
you'll be late for the office.
You know, em, i always
got into the sea.
I hear it's a bit
rough in the channel.
Hello. We're off.
Come on, em.
Let's take a snap.
I say, em, i think i'll pop
down and get you some sick...
i mean, magazines.
Yeah, but...
oh, my god. The curtain's gone up too soon.
D.
They're not dresse
i mean...
Let's get out of here.
I don't like it.
Why not?
Somebody
just pinched me.
Where?
You know where.
You leave it to me.
So long, folks.
See you tomorrow.
What's in that
parcel, Fred?
For you.
Whoo!
I couldn't wear
this.
People will think
we aren't married.
don't feel
a bit as if we are.
One of the sailors told me
it was a bit rough outside.
Yes,
i heard that, too.
I say, em...
i think i'll go do
wn to the cabin
and, um, i mean,
you know...
to see if everything's
all right.
All right, Fred.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, hello, commander.
How do you do,
miss emory?
Are we going to have
a lot of fun and mischief?
I hope so.
We're not off yet.
Just about that much.
It's a marvelous night,
isn't it?
Yes, isn't it?
Is your husband
feeling better?
Oh, yes,
he's much better.
He's really
a very good sailor,
but he's not
used to it.
Yes.
Oh, commander gordon,
aren't you coming down?
We're all waiting
for you.
Do you mind if i have
one more pipe in peace?
Oh.
Oh.
You know, these bright
young people
make one feel
awfully old at times.
Oh, i like to keep them
enjoying themselves.
Come in.
How do we go now, sir?
Would you like to try
a little something?
Tell my wife.
She'll get me
a grave.
Very good, sir.
Here's another.
May i draw on this?
Sorry?
Yes. If you want to.
You're the crazies
t person, really.
Why do you say that?
I don't know.
You're delicious.
I could sit and listen
to you all the afternoon.
You're laughing at me.
No, no, i'm not,
really.
Funny you should say that
because i always find it
so difficult to talk
to people.
Do you?
Yes.
But not to you.
I find it quite easy...
much easier than i could
to my husband.
Do you know...
i see...
i beg your pardon.
Oh, no.
Oh, please, i didn't
mean to interrupt.
Go on.
Well, what i was
saying was
you know, i couldn't
understand it at first.
But now i think
i know why it is.
Oh? Why?
Well, you see,
you're just a man
and not my husband.
And if you
get bored with me,
all you've got to do
is to get up and go away
and it doesn't matter.
Yes, but it would
matter very much.
Have you ever been
in love, mr. Gordon?
No, i can't say
that i have.
That's a pity.
That's a pity
because it's difficult
for you to understand.
You see, i love Fred
and he loves me.
And naturally, i want
him to think well of me.
When i talk to him,
i'm always so frightened
of saying something
foolish.
You see, he's
terribly clever.
And i'm not, eh?
No.
Oh, i think you're
interesting and amusing.
And you like the things that i like... yes.
Well, that doesn't
take much doing, does it?
No, i suppose not.
No, i don't think
you're clever.
No, i supposed
i'm not really.
I say, it's
a very lucky thing
that, uh, we're no
t in love, isn't it?
Yes. Isn't it?
Love is a very difficult
business, mr. Gordon.
You'd be surprised.
It makes everything
difficult and dangerous.
You know, i don't think
love makes people brave
like it says in books.
I think
it makes them timid.
I think it makes them
frightened when they're happy
and sadder
when they're sad.
You see, everything's
multiplied by two...
sickness, death,
the future.
It all means
so much more.
Oh, i'm afraid i haven't
made myself very clear.
Yes, you have.
You see, love's a
wonderful thing, mr. Gordon.
Yes.
The kind of love that
you're describing must be.
You know, i think
i shall have to try it.
You must.
You're just
cut out for it.
But do be sure
you get the right girl.
It'd be a crime
if you were wasted.
Mrs. Hill...
will you give me
an honest answer
to a straight question?
Why, yes.
Are you trying
to pull my leg?
Pull your leg?
I don't quite know
why i said that.
H.
It's rather foolis
forgive me,
will you?
Oh, yes, of course.
What i was searching
to say. I mean...
hello, gordon.
Why, hello, colonel.
Oh, and, um, this i presume is mrs. Gordon.
Oh, there you are.
Now, come along, ken.
You distinctly promised
me you wouldn't run away.
I want you to help me
feed the seagulls.
If you come along
with me, colonel.
There you are.
No, no, commander,
don't be silly.
If i may intrude for just
a teeny weenie second.
It's just struck me,
i have the very thing
for your poor ill husband.
That's very kind
of you.
I have a perfectly
marvelous plaster.
You just put one on
and the effects?
Magical.
But what do you?
There's one on the...
next the skin.
I guarantee he'll be
up tomorrow, i really do.
I guarantee it.
Thank you so much.
Oh, it's nothing.
I really only carry them for the
benefit of the less fortunate.
Don't you think the world would
be a better place, commander,
if we all did that sort of
thing a little more often?
Yes, i suppose so.
I'm afraid i don't
bother very much
about other people.
I don't believe it.
No, no. I don't believe it
shall i fetch the plasters later on?
What?
Oh, yes, yes.
Now, commander,
what about a 4 at bridge?
I'm afraid not.
I promised to take
mrs. Hill for a stroll.
If you'll excuse me.
What a perfect gentle knight
you are, commander.
Good evening.
Like to see a ship we
were once passengers in?
Oh, gordon.
I called you gordon.
Why, that's
a christian name, too.
Yes. I liked it.
It sounded kind of
friendly.
The mister got lost
out here, didn't it?
Yes, i'm glad.
Let it stay lost.
It's rather good, eh?
Gordon.
Just one bloke
to another.
Oh!
I feel quite dizzy.
Let's go back.
Ah! Well, upon my soul,
i've been looking
for you everywhere,
when you were here
all the time.
Behold,
the wonder worker.
Thank you.
And tomorrow your
husband will be up
and looking
after you again.
But poor
commander gordon
will be left right into the background.
There, there.
I'm only joking.
You like
my high spirits?
How funny.
Well, i must be
going.
Good evening.
Well, i suppose i'd better
be saying good night, too.
Is it all right?
Yes. From the office.
What's for dinner, em?
Steak and kidney
pudding?
What, again?
Every other night it's
steak and kidney pudding.
Gosh, em,
i'm feeling fine.
I say, em, these deck
games look good to me.
Yes.
Drat!
Ooh!
Oh, i'm most
terribly sorry.
I say, damn it.
You need to be more careful.
You might have
knocked my eye out.
They ought to have a rope
round here or something.
I say, old man, no need to go on like that.
It was quite
an accident.
The princess
couldn't help it.
Don't be angry
with him.
I am not offended.
Get down.
You'll fall.
Ah, Fred.
How lovely.
Ah, my bag...
you'll stay here?
Yes.
Don't run away
without me.
No.
Have you seen
the colonel?
No.
No?
You hare. He's the
re all the time.
Now, colonel, don't forget
you're coming with me
to buy my carpet.
What? Oh, yes.
Yes, you'd better come
now, i think.
Good morning.
Don't forget you' re coming
to buy my carpet, will you?
Fred, isn't it
lovely?
Em, i shouldn't
take that with you.
It makes you look
like a tourist.
To think that place has
been there all these years.
All those
strange people
having their babies.
Dying.
Cooking their
funny meals.
Strange.
It's been there
all these years.
You don't think they built it
especially for us overnight, do you?
Well, you needn't
snap my head off.
That's the third time
you've spoken to me
like that since yesterday. I'm sorry.
Ah, Emily!
Oh, your husband.
He looks so good.
Don't he?
Going ashore...
oh, come. Let us go.
Hello.
Aren't you going ashore?
Yes.
Well, there's not
too much time.
May i carry that for you?
Come on!
Em, are you coming bathing
with the princess and me?
No, i'm staying with miss
emory to buy her carpet.
Oh, my dear, really,
that's quite all right.
I don't mind.
Fred...
oh.
There.
There, there.
Yes, i like this,
i think.
Come on. Uh... really.
Be careful, dear.
I rather like that.
Thank you.
Now, mr. Gordon,
you'll carry this
for me, i'm sure...
well, he's gone.
Well, colonel,
you can carry it.
Good. Good morning.
Shall we go?
Fred may be
looking for me.
Yes, i suppose
we'd better.
Our little
twin beds, huh?
Uh, shall we?
Oh!
My poor heart.
You make him
jump so.
You feel?
Cabin number 19.
No, no, no.
Not right away.
You must be what
you call indiscreet.
You go have
your promised dance
with the, um,
gossip woman.
Then she will not
look for you.
Cabin number 19.
Good evening.
Don't you think
my shepherdess costume
makes me look young?
Yes.
How old?
Whoo!
Good evening.
Can i get you an ice?
Oh, yes, please do.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Aah!
I'm drunk, Emily.
No, you're not.
I am.
Admit it.
Well, if you are,
i am, too.
Exactly.
Hello, em.
Hi, gordon.
Hello.
Sit down.
I'm tight.
What are you
gonna have?
All right. I'll get you something.
Steward.
Oh, hello, Fred.
Hello.
Hello, Emily.
Oh, no, no, no.
I sit there.
Why, hello, princess.
What will you have?
Oh, i think, um,
a brandy and soda.
Brandy and soda?
Oh, steward, a brandy
and soda as well, please.
Have you
a cigarette, Fred?
Yes, i think so.
Ah, what do you
want, a cigarette?
Please.
I have one.
There you are.
Thank you.
It's a gorgeou
s night outside.
Perfect
for lovers.
Oh, have you seen
my husband anywhere about?
I think he went ashore
with the princess, madam.
? My wife?
? Won't let me...?
Well, uh...
why not let me
show you around town, eh?
I'd be delighted.
I say...
yes, sir?
When's there a boat
leaving again for shore?
There's one going
in 5 minutes.
5 minutes.
Shall we? All right.
You've been
thinking a lot.
Oh, i'm as much
at sea as ever.
It's a bewildering
business, this,
this being at sea.
But on the night
of the carnival,
i knew that Fred and
the princess were...
were drunk, too.
Compared with them, we
were a pair of sober sods.
But i can't
feel sorry.
About them?
About us.
Tell me, Fred,
have you not a regret
for treating Emily so?
Well, i wouldn't be
human if i had no regrets.
Naturally,
i feel for her.
I'd be a pretty poor
sort of fish if i didn't.
Of course, she's fond
of me i know.
I suppose we were happy enough
in our own quiet little way
until we came on this trip and i met you.
After that, of course,
it was all out.
I mean, how can i be
expected to love Emily
when i...
when i love you?
Water is
a good drink,
but champagne
he is better, yes?
That's it.
That's it.
And having developed
a taste for champagne
what's the use of
trying to stick to water?
Oh, well, maybe she
will find someone
who is nearer
her own level.
Yes. She'll probably
be much happier.
Of course, you know, she
never really understood me.
I was a bit
too much for her.
Like to see a ship we
were once passengers in?
It's running away
from us now.
Him.
Is he going
to beat us?
You are going to let me
take care of you, aren't you
oh, i don't know.
Let me make this
figure real.
After all, you know,
you drew it.
[People singing
"for he's a jolly good fellow"
isn't it marvelous
to think
that after tonight we
should always be together?
Yes.
But don't forget,
Fred.
Tomorrow
when we go ashore,
i'm asked
to get off alone.
Oh, yes.
My hand.
Sorry.
But i can't help feeling
a bit worried about em.
I hope she'll
be all right.
Fred...
hmm?
If the woman
can't hold her man,
there's no reason why
he should take the blame.
No. I suppose
you're right.
You always are.
Shall we go inside?
All right.
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray! Hooray!
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip...
hooray.
I've seen it
all along.
Look at the way
you made yourself
an absolute
slave to him.
Anyway, i'll be able
to make you happy now.
You wouldn't go back
to that dull life again?
Fred may have
to go back.
Oh, he's fickle.
If he were a man,
i'd feel ashamed.
As it is,
i frown for him.
Bluff. Empty shirt.
Oh, gordon.
It used to make
my heart ache
to hear you worship
that overgrown sham,
the way you
kowtowed to him.
He was just a great baby
masquerading
as a big, strong man.
I've held my tongue
because i hadn't the heart
to open your dear eyes.
But now, you're not
his wife anymore.
Yet a princess
fell in love with him.
Princess.
Do you know why Fred
succeeded so admirably
with her royal highness?
Because she's
not a princess.
She's just a common
adventuress
and he was the biggest
asset aboard.
She set her trap
and caught him.
Why didn't you
warn him?
Much good that would'v
e done, sweetheart.
You can't teach
the Freds of this world.
What'll happen to him?
I don't know,
and i don't care.
When she's spent
all his money,
she'll drop him
like a hot brick.
Then he can come
to his senses.
Alone.
It's not our business,
sweetheart.
M.
We've got to forget hi
but don't you see,
i can't, gordon.
A wife's more than
half a mother.
And i've been married
to him for over 8 years.
It's a long time,
you know that?
Oh, think what
it means, gordon.
I hate to.
No, gordon.
I can't!
Ask him to stop.
Fred...
i've been down
to make certain.
She has gone
with him.
That must be the
dinner i sent for.
Come in.
Oh, uh, wait there.
Put the bill
on the table there.
Fred?
Oh!
Oh.
Perhaps you would wish to
speak alone with Fred? Eh?
I will wait downstairs
for you, Fred. Yes?
Uh...
i'll go and get a shirt.
Thank you, uh...
princess.
You did not go
with him.
You little fool.
You damn little fool.
I'm just... i was
just fixing up
to go bathing
with the princess.
You don't want
to come, do you?
I suppose you'll be going
somewhere with gordon.
He's gone.
He's what?
He's gone to his home.
Up country.
Well, fancy that.
He wanted to take me
with him.
What's that?
He loves me.
And how far has
this thing gone?
Oh! Fred, don't start
play acting over this.
It'll only make
things worse.
Oh, play acting.
Huh!
Sorry state of
affairs.
Yes, yes, Fred!
Let's take all that as said!
I'd have gone with him
if it hadn't been for you.
For me?
He'd have made me
happier.
But you've no right...
when i said i would,
he started to show me you as
the outside world sees you.
Not as i've seen you,
blinded by love
and all this long
time together.
Don't... you're mad.
Yes, i was to have
missed my chance.
But after what he said...
Oh, come in!
Get out of here!
Well, what did
he say then?
Just the truth,
Fred.
He said you were
a sham,
nothing but a bluff.
I'll smash him
to bits, is what i'll do.
He wouldn't have
any fear of you, dear.
He knows you're just
a great big coward.
Well, if you thought
so much of him to listen
to all his dirty lies about me, why
the devil didn't you go with him?
Because i recognized
your faults.
Whereas, before i'd
always dressed you up
in all kinds
of silly virtues.
Oh, very much
obliged, i'm sure.
I saw that i was
the wife for you.
That without me,
you'd be lost.
I couldn't allow that.
It wouldn't be right,
would it?
Not right, eh?
Very kind of you,
i'm sure.
And do you think that after
the way you've behaved...
i suggest that if you want to
get this thing straightened out
and not wreck everything
through... this trip,
you've got to do
something about this.
Well, what's that?
She's a sham, too.
You don't tell me.
Is anybody or
anything real then?
And in what way is
the princess a sham,
if it's not troubling
you too much?
Because she's not
a princess at all.
Because she's just
a common, cheap adventuress.
And she only threw
her hat at you
because you were
the one man on board...
oh, shut up! Shut up, damn you! It's true!
Shut up, i tell you.
Shut up!
I'll shut up
when i've said...
shut up!
That's all.
I'll go to
the princess.
My things can be
sent on.
Good-bye.
Just a minute.
Come in.
Thank you.
"dear...
"knowing you, i accept
your verdict.
"You have made your choice
and i see the way of it.
"I don't know much
about love,
"how long it lasts
or what the remedies are,
"but i love you, Emily.
"So much that i can't
write anymore...
only blessings
and prayers for you. "
Don't you dare say,
"i told you so. "
She...
caught the train
to rangoon.
But i can't make i
t out why she would...
um, do you think
that this has got her...
give it to me.
What do you mean by
hiding my letters?
She's gone.
She was a fraud.
She thanks me for
my company and says
her father kept
a cleaning shop
in berlin.
That little swine.
Yes! That's what she is.
The swine!
To treat you like that.
Oh, i could...
what a fool
she's made of me.
What a fool!
Oh, Fred.
Poor Fred. Oh, for god's
sake, keep your pity!
But i tell you again,
If you say "i told you
so," i'll strangle you
i will, i swear i will.
Wish i could strangle her.
And all the time she was
just a rotten street walker.
I'll set the police
on her, that's what i'll do.
But you can't. She hasn't done anything.
I mean, not
broken any law.
Hasn't she just?
That's all you know.
She's only robbed us of 1,000. What?
You would like...?
Get out!
But how could she?
Oh, she told me
a pack of lies
about an expected
remittance or something.
Anyway, it was only
to be a loan.
Well, not a loan exactly because
we were pooling everything we had.
And then there were
our passages to australia...
of course, i was going
to see the jeweler all right.
I mean...
well, you were gonna run away
with your precious gordon.
But i didn't.
Well, did i?
I wish i'd never
come on the trip.
Think of that tart
heading for burma
with 1,000 of the best
in her pocket
and shoving her fingers
to her nose.
How in god's name are we
going to get home, Fred?
Shall we have enough?
Oh, i dare say we have enough to
pay this bill and a cheap boat home.
Fred!
Fred!
That's all right,
darling.
All hands on deck!
What's up, em?
Em, what's happened?
We've stopped.
I don't know...
you must know.
I don't.
What is it?
I don't know.
I don't.
There was a big bang
and something fell.
It hit you on the head.
You'll be fine.
Can't get
the damn thing open.
The bolt!
Why can't you open
this door, you fool?
Help! Help!
Help! Oh, help!
Help!
Help!
There go the lights, em.
Help! Help!
Help!
Help!
It's no use, Fred.
We can't get out, em.
We're dying.
Oh, em,
for god's sake.
Fred...
do you mind very much?
Not now.
I did at first.
I'm... i'm scared, em.
Em...
i'm sorry.
What for, Fred?
There's only been you.
There's only ever
been you.
Oh, i know.
I know.
Fred.
Fred!
It's daylight.
Look.
Look at
the port hole.
Don't do that.
You'll let the sea in.
Be quicker anyway.
Fred, we could have
got out last night.
The gangway is
just outside.
If only we'd thought.
Oh, i'll go first to see if it's all right.
Come on, darling.
Come on.
Don't forget,
feet first.
Ooh. Ahh.
Come on.
Ooh!
Ahoy!
Ooh!
Have they gone, Fred?
Don't go sneaking up
to a chap like that.
It's scary enough without
playing funny tricks.
Of course they've gone
They'll come back,
chappy.
Oh, will they?
They'll reckon it's gone
down hours ago
instead of floating
on like this.
Why did it, Fred?
How the dickens
do i know?
The silly things
you ask.
What the hell do
we do now?
That's the question.
Well, we want a boat
or a raft or something.
You don't tell me.
Fred, hadn't we better go and
find some clothes or something?
Somebody might come.
Yes, that's very likely.
Let's see
what's in here.
I'd better give yo
u a hand with these.
All right?
Yes.
That's better.
Ha ha!
Ohh...
he set next to me
at dinner.
Let's go.
Phew.
It's getting
on my nerves.
I need a drink.
I know. Let's
go down to the bar.
We'll have brandy.
It'll warm us up.
Here we are.
I tell you one thing:
We'd better get a move on
and find some way out of this,
make a raft
or something.
Fred.
Mm-hmm.
Here. Listen.
What?
Do you think it's mad
if i use the gentleman's?
Ours is underwater.
Yes. Go on.
No sense in being
suburban.
Listen.
Fred, look!
A chinese junk.
Give me your hand.
That's right.
There we are.
Ohh!
Uh, good afternoon.
Fred, look!
She's going
to have a baby.
Seems all right, em.
Mm! Best meal
i've eaten for ages.
Much better than all those
swell meals we had in paris.
Mm!
I like being
shipwrecked.
It's not half as bad
as people make out.
Hmm. Nothing ever is.
Why, this is as good
as yachting.
Hi!
Dullard dummies,
aren't they?
Ah...
Hello. What's
the old boy up to?
Help me up, Fred.
Ok.
Ooh! Sat on a knot.
I'll tell you
one thing, em.
What's that?
That ship going down has done us
a bit of good in a way, you know.
Well, don't you see?
That 1,000 pounds
i gave... i lost
well, we can say it
went down with the ship.
Why, yes.
And then we'll be
able to get some more
and buy some clothes
and things when we land.
Yes. When we land.
Fred, do you
hear that?
It's a baby.
What do you mean?
That woman's had
her baby.
How could she?
Well, anyway,
she has.
Isn't it wonderful
i'd better go and
see if i can help.
Better keep
out of it, em.
They don't want us.
We'd only be in the way.
I suppose so.
There, there.
Don't cry, em, old dear.
Why, these damn chinese
breed like rabbits.
We're all right, em.
We've got each other.
Oh, the poor
little mite.
Gosh, isn't it ugly?
You mustn't do that!
You mustn't!
No newly born baby
could stand it!
Stop it, stop!
Don't be silly, em.
How would you like
a chinaman to tell you
how to manage your baby?
Besides, look
how strong it is.
I bet that chap
holding it is the father.
See how proud
he is of it?
I made a nice steak
and kidney pudding
and i've ordered
the papers
and i had the wireless
batteries charged.
Have issued the following gale warning.
Strong northwesterly gales all
coasts of the british isles.
Rain in most districts,
some hail or sleet locally.
Channel crossings
extremely rough.
What are you
looking at, Fred?
I was wondering if we could
get a pram down that passage.
But are we
going to be here?
What? Why not?
When you get your new job
as traveler for the firm,
i'm going to a bigger,
better house than this.
Oh, what do you
want to move for?
There won't be
enough room here.
Oh, i never heard of
anything so ridiculous.
We've been here
for all these years.
What do you want
to move for?
That is the very
reason why.