Rich Boy, Rich Girl (2017) Movie Script
1
Crash and burn
Wouldn't you say that's
only way we learn?
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
When the red light and the
brake lights lit your face,
and you take me on a
joyride back to your place
We don't need nobody, no...
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
Take me home tonight
Don't deny
It's not fair, but
I'm too scared
I don't know why
They can't tell us
what to do
They don't even
know the truth
I can't help falling for you
It's chemical, and I
don't need to hear it
When the red light and the
brake lights lit your face,
and you take me on a
joyride back to your place
I don't need nobody
I don't need nobody
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Every day
when you wake up,
before you even
put your feet on the
ground, you tell yourself
"it's gonna be a great day."
It's gonna be a great day.
Take me away to a
different place
I can't keep
myself off of you
Drive me down, drop
me off into town
And I will follow you
When the red light and the
brake lights lit your face,
and you take me on a
joyride back to your place
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: You
can't greet each day
with negative energy
and expect positive results.
So start positive
and stay positive.
It's gonna be a great day.
Say it and mean it.
Today's gonna be a great day.
It's been clinically proven
that exercise increases
energy and libido,
improves health and
enhances self-esteem.
Look good, feel good.
Wow.
So you asked me to
take you to work,
and you're doing Jane Fonda.
No, no, no, no.
Not this.
We're gonna be late.
Let's go!
Really?
What time is it?
Oh, crap.
What happened to push-ups?
No excuses, no exceptions.
Stop being a spectator
and get into the game.
Want to attract
high caliber mates?
You'll need low
body fat and high
endurance, both in and
out of the bedroom.
Winners look good.
Oh, sod off.
Taxi!
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Chapter 2, dressing
for success.
If you want to track
successful people,
you need to dress the part.
Dress like you're as
successful as you one one day
hope to become.
Sloppy slouchers as end up
with supermodels, do they?
To differ, Jessica, I got
Jonah Hill and Donald Trump.
Wait a second.
Who are you calling "Jessica?"
Don't tell me you're so
reading that girly crap.
No I'm just thinking out loud.
Oh, oh, God, what is that?
Oh, God!
- It's confidence.
- "Confidence?"
You need a lot of confidence
to wear that cat piss.
Where'd you get it,
at the dollar store?
I can't do it this morning.
I-- I can't--
You know, I was thinking,
you need to do a little spring
cleaning around here.
I mean, seriously,
what the hell is that?
No, what are you doing?
My grandma gives
me one every year.
We don't wanna hurt
grandma's feelings,
but you should shove
that into a drawer fast.
Thank you.
Are-- look, are you taking
me, or am I ubering?
Like, what?
What am I doing?
Excuse me?
What are you doing here?
Piggy collection.
I need a boost this morning.
I need don't need a nag!
Her wedding was this morning.
Oh.
Hi, Sasha.
Hm?
Can I raid your closet again?
Again?
Please?
My Chanel is your Chanel,
especially if you don't
throw Elvis out the window.
Did he poop on
the free zone again?
In your suitcase,
you know what?
It's only because he trusts
you, because he doesn't
just poop anywhere, do you?
No, you don't.
Oh, my little baby.
Oh, I really need
to get my own place!
Why?
Devon's hardly around, and
I like having you here.
So does Elvis, apparently.
Now that you are
broken up, I want
you to focus on your goals,
your dreams, and achieve them.
Right now, all I want to do is
achieve looking as good as you
in one of your Chanel dresses.
Hm, good luck with that.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Wanna marry up?
Don't dress down.
Wanna climb the corporate
ladder all the way to the top?
Then dress like
you're already there.
You are the master
of your own fate.
So be punctual, be
diligent, be efficient,
and you will accomplish
all of your goals.
So Linda, how's the desk?
Hello, Andy.
You're late.
Again.
You know, it is
the 21st century.
There are some exciting
new products called
razors and ironing boards.
You should give them a try.
Good one, boss.
I mean, I-- I sacrificed
underwear today in an effort
not to be late.
Yeah, I'm going commando!
You're disgusting.
TMI.
You're right.
It's clearly TMI.
The toilet in the executive
washroom is clogged.
I'd like you to take care
of that after you clock in.
Kev, buddy, that's not
in my job description.
Can't maintenance do it?
Oh, they can, but you will.
Call it your penance for your
allergy to being punctual.
You see, one of
the perks of having
a high level job
like mine is it gives
me the right to be capricious.
I'm sorry, Andy.
That may be a big word for you.
You know what that means?
It's 8:02 in the morning, OK?
I'm not gonna let
you ruin my day.
You think that I'm gonna
capriciously clean that toilet?
So sad.
Yes, I do.
And if you have a problem with
that, why don't you take it
up with our boss, Mr. Warren?
We all know the reason why he
feels he has to tolerate you.
So go ahead and take
care of that dump, Andy.
Oh, oh, "Dumpty."
That will be your new nickname.
It's perfect because
it's "dumb" and "dee."
I squeeze it--
I wasn't finished with you.
Welcome to the Revelle.
Not everyone will like you.
Not everyone will
want you to succeed.
Life doesn't always
give you what you want,
but it does equip you with
what you need to learn.
OK.
What?
Wanna take over the world?
You better own it first.
The world is yours.
Say it loud.
The world is mine."
The world is mine.
The world is mine.
Really, is it?
Could have fooled me.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: You're on your way.
You're on the path.
You're getting closer every day.
You have to believe you
can get what you want.
The world is mine.
You sure you don't
a copy of this book?
Mhm.
I'm telling you, you
wanna work here forever?
This book will impact your life.
Right now, I am hoping that
a margarita will impact my lip.
I love you.
I love you too.
Good night, mama.
Good night, baby.
In a rat race like this,
you have to be the strongest
and the fastest rat
if you wanna get
the cheese that's
waiting on the other
side of that finish line.
And that is why we are all
here, to do the best we can,
to make the most of who we are--
to win the race and
to win the game.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hello.
- Hi.
Hi.
Wow, you're so much
prettier in person.
Well, that's a little
bit upset actually.
Thank you.
You have great taste.
And I love your accent.
What's your name?
Um, Hayley.
H-A-Y-L-E-Y.
Mhm.
I'm actually-- I'm thinking
about writing a book myself.
Oh, awesome.
What about?
Oh I don't know.
I don't know what
my story is yet?
Why don't you get
out there and find out.
And when you have
a book signing,
I'll be front and center.
Deal?
Deal, yes.
Can I shake your--
Yes, nice to meet you.
Lovely to meet you.
Thank you.
Good luck to you.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
Wow, you are
prettier in person.
Ah, you can tell with
those shades on, huh?
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Oh, you have beautiful eyes.
You should use them.
And stitch up that shirt.
You're better than that.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Want more and you'll get more.
Ask for more, and
you'll receive more.
You wanna be rich, be rich.
You wanna be successful,
be successful.
You are made of
unrealized greatness.
Believe it.
Can I ask you to fix my shirt?
Stupid.
My mamita, you're dreaming.
I'm not.
Why?
Why am I dreaming?
OK, rich.
- Yeah.
- Handsome.
Yeah.
Funny.
Under 35 with an IQ over 125?
Mamita, that's like an anomaly.
That sounds like
a place in Italy.
No, it does.
Yeah.
I love the pizza in Anomaly.
That's not finding nature.
OK, that's like--
that's like a nudist
that you really
want to see naked.
Wait.
Any man like that is
going to stray or he's gay.
That rhymes.
It does Well done.
Exhibit A--
Joey.
Hey, what have
we spoken about?
We do not say his
name aloud, do we?
Sorry, please,
don't get violent.
Exhibit A-- he whose name
we do not say out loud.
Thank you.
He was cute.
Yeah.
He had a nice butt.
He did have a nice butt.
He had a really nice butt.
He was successful.
Yeah.
What did he do?
Sleep with a Hooters waitress.
OK, first off, Hooters
has lovely chicken wings.
Second of all, maybe he did
not mean to sleep with her.
Sure, honey.
And listen, I
don't like cocaine.
I just like the way it smells.
Look, I don't wanna settle.
Everyone settles
to varying degrees.
People, actual living,
breathing human people,
will never live
up to the fantasy.
Never.
Like Taylor Swift,
never, ever, never.
OK.
Thank you for doing
my nails, though.
They look pretty.
I wanna look really
good for when I jump
off in my head in.
She's driving me crazy.
You need to slap that bitch.
I do.
I do need to smack her.
Like a huge one.
All five fingers.
Thumb.
Oh, watch where you're going.
Are you serious?
Welcome to the
Revelle in New York.
Hi.
I'm looking for for colleagues.
Well, we have a bulletin
over there with today's post.
Do you have a meeting room?
I don't know where
I wrote that down.
Do you know your
colleague's name?
Cruella DeVille.
Are you British?
You're a smart one.
Let me guess.
Kate or Diana.
Pardon?
Oh, my name?
Yeah.
No, why?
Well, you look like royalty,
or a beautiful princess.
Um, I'm Hayley.
So Princess Hayley.
I'm Andy.
Oh, I gotta go.
What do you mean?
Wait, you're leaving?
I don't think I can face
the world without you.
Oh, I think you
underestimate yourself.
No, but really, I'd
love to see you again.
Well, find me
and you never know.
You're late.
What happened?
I know.
I'm so sorry.
The bloody traffic was awful.
I nearly broke my heel.
I tore my
it's just a bad morning.
Are you OK?
Thank you for asking that.
Um, if I'm honest, I'm
really missing my ex.
I stupidly went onto
Instagram, and I
saw him with his new girlfriend,
and that was just a really--
I don't actually care.
I have no time now
to go over these.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Make sure this
never happens again.
You got it?
I-- I'm sorry.
I did ask them, though, to get--
No, no, you don't ask.
You demand what you need, and
you make them give it to you.
And by the way, you
represent my spa,
and I looked better
during my first labor
than you look right now.
Go fix your face.
You should be
nicer as a mother--
Sleeves rolled
up, still unshaven,
and what were you doing
flirting with a guest?
I wasn't flirting with a--
and she wasn't even a guest.
She was looking--
Everyone who walks through
that door is a guest!
Listen here, Dumpty,
did you enjoy cleaning
the toilets the other day?
Because I've got a lot more jobs
just like that waiting for you.
Do you got it?
Got it.
Good.
Not gonna ruin my day.
Oh.
Mr. Warren, playing with
Kevin's computer again, hm?
It's a beautiful
day out, isn't it?
You know your father hired me
when I was 20 years old, right?
When I got here
from Denmark, right?
Yeah, I've heard
the story a few times.
You had no shoes.
You used to put your used gum
in water and then take it out
when you wanted to chew it.
Yeah.
I mean, such as, such as.
Your father was
like a brother to me.
If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't
have been able to move up
from the mailroom to
be the eventual CEO
of the Imperial Hotel Group.
When he passed,
he made me promise
to look after the hotels
and look after you.
Only you and I know
of this promise.
And I think you've done
pretty well on both of them.
Wrong.
I've done tremendously
well at running this hotel.
We've turned a profit every
year I've been at the helm,
went from having 21 hotels
in 12 countries to having
49 hotels in 37 countries.
It's amazing.
And Mr. Warren, I just--
I have an idea--
But I've failed at you.
I see a lot of potential in you,
but you get in your own way.
You lack discipline, you
lack focus, motivation.
The list goes on.
Look, that's
not entirely true.
These are facts
not open for debate.
I'm bored.
I need more to do.
I need more responsibility.
And I'm very capable
of having it.
I agree, so I'm going
to try to motivate you.
What exactly does that mean?
I'm going away for four
weeks to Sri Lanka with my wife
on a yoga retreat.
She thinks I work too
hard, and so she's worried.
Ever since I had that
heartburn last year
she thought was a
heart attack, she
hasn't been able to move on.
So we will go to a spiritual
retreat, vegan, possibly
nudist, and I just
hope I still have
the tree-hugging days in me.
I'm there.
I would love to
go with you guys.
I want you to be in charge
of this office while I'm gone.
You're a free spirit.
I'm a free spirit.
And I think you can handle it.
Plus, I don't
really trust Kevin.
Wait, so you're asking
me to run this hotel.
Would you send
Kevin in, please?
OK.
Sir, I--
Don't speak.
Yes, sir.
While I'm gone, Mr. Palazzo
will be my personal bridge
between Sri Lanka and New York.
Mr. Warren, um,
Dumpty is not qualified.
That's "Mr. Palazzo" to you.
Mr. Warren, Mr. Palazzo is
not qualified to run a mile
around a high school track.
He's not qualified to run a
taco stand, to run a fever,
to run amok.
No offense.
I am not interested
in your perspective
on this, Mr. Hargrove.
For the next month,
Mr. Palazzo will
no longer be working for you.
You two will work together.
Mr. Warren!
Is that understood?
Mr. Warren, I cannot
stress what a bad idea--
Is that understood?
Yes, sir.
You will have access
to the corporate account,
which you will only use
for corporate affairs.
Is that understood?
You will have access to the
company car, which you will
only use for company matters.
Is that understood?
Yes.
You will work
out of my office,
but you will not be making
any decisions major or minor.
Is that understood?
Yes.
This is your opportunity
to show I should
take you seriously, Andy.
Is that understood?
Yes.
Mr. Hargrove, Mr.
Palazzo, make it work.
Namaste to you both.
Namaste.
Mr. Warren, before you go,
I just want to say thank you.
And I know if my
dad were here too,
he'd say thank you as well.
You're welcome, Andy.
I'm not gonna let you down.
I am counting on that.
I'm so sorry.
I--
Don't be.
It happens.
I'm sorry I have to do this.
It's just our policy.
You know, actually, we're
having a recession special.
One free drink for every
decline credit card.
Thank you.
It's actually my reversary.
I thought I've heard it
all, but what's a reversary?
It should have been my
anniversary, but it's not.
Because my ex decided
to go to Hooters,
get a plate of hot wings and
a slutty waitress on the side.
I'm sorry, hon.
I'm just gonna down this.
Please don't judge me.
It's a British thing.
OK.
Here, just have--
That would be great.
That would be great.
Sasha, I'm contemplating
bankruptcy.
Seriously, all my
cards are maxed out.
Oh, well, let's
see what Miss Jessica
DeBenedetto has to say about
filing chapter 11, shall we?
OK.
OK, let's see here.
"Never date down."
Blah, blah, blah.
"In any capacity.
If you do, he or she
will bring you down,
down to their
financial class, down
to their stage of
emotional development,
down to their lack
of confidence."
Wow, Jesus.
What is her next book gonna say?
"Men are like coffee
and chocolate,
and they taste better rich?"
I mean, what's the plan here?
You're gonna, like, find
some sugar daddy who
has an abundance of
self-confidence and an
amazing emotional development?
Yeah, why not?
Oh, because, I don't know,
what about, like, chemistry,
and passion, and love?
Ugh, stop it.
Oh, sorry, Miss Shallow.
Yeah, I forgot.
What was the plan again?
Climbing social status, seven
figure bank account, house
in the Hamptons, and then--
wait, what's the other
thing I'm forgetting?
Private jet.
Oh, yes, the very, very
important private jet.
I've always wanted
a private jet.
Is that too much to ask?
Why don't you start
with something smaller?
Like, stop spending
and start thinking.
Stop washing hair and
put that MBA to use.
Do a product that you
love, like write that book
you're always talking about.
And you want to
find your own place,
and you want your
career to take off.
And despite what "Rich
Boy, Rich Girl" says,
you, my dear, want
to fall in love.
Hah.
Yeah.
I cannot believe nobody ever
taught you how to tie a tie.
I feel like Cinderfella
Just relax, OK?
I'm not trying to bone you.
Thanks.
Whoa.
What the heck is it?
That is--
Is that what I think it is?
Do you know how many times
I've applied for one of those?
Even I don't make
enough money for that.
You're like a millionaire.
Yeah, but apparently
not millionaire enough.
What the hell are
you doing with it?
It's the company card.
I use it for company expenses.
That's very admirable of you.
Don't Andy it up.
What the hell is this?
I thought I was the only one
man enough to get a mani-pedi.
Pedi
Why are you always
just grabbing stuff?
That's what I do.
It's something that my future
wife dropped at the hotel.
Your future wife?
Really?
Have you even taken her out?
Not yet.
Uh-huh. so you're
stalking her.
No, I'm-- I'm I'm wooing her.
By stalking her.
No, by politely courting her.
How does one politely
court another, exactly?
Flowers.
This isn't the '80s, kid.
Come on, these days we need
a little more than flowers.
Like a limousine or a
nice dinner, maybe a show?
Really?
Really.
Uh, I can't.
You can.
Yeah, I shouldn't.
But you will.
Hayley.
- Shh.
- Not here.
You're right there.
- I can see you.
- No, no, no, I'm not.
He's gonna come in.
He's gonna come in.
Hi.
Hi.
Maybe you can help me out.
I'm looking for Hayley.
Is she here?
Um, excuse me.
Oh no, do your thing.
Hayley's in her office.
OK.
You can take a seat.
She'll be with you shortly.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
Thanks.
She loves you.
What?
Excuse me?
Sorry, nothing.
You can just-- you
can go have a seat.
This is stupid.
I'm sorry.
What?
What was that?
Nothing.
I'm talking on the phone.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry.
OK, what the
heck are you doing?
I can't let him know
that I sweep hair.
Is he sitting down?
No, he's breakdancing.
What?
Yes, he is sitting down.
That was a mean thing to do.
I have a favor to ask
you, just a teeny, tiny--
could you-- what size
dress are you wearing?
Absolutely not.
Take this off.
No, I don't want to.
OK, so I can't do 2:00.
Can we move it to 3:00?
Mhm.
Also, Mr. Johnson
wants to invest in one
of your new business ventures.
Oh, fine, but if
he wants a meeting,
you must tell him that
it's a minimum investment
of 100K to get me out to lunch.
I'm just not doing it anymore.
Do we have any messages?
No, your highness.
Delia, what are you wearing?
We have a dress code here.
Place, observe it.
There's a gentleman.
Hi.
Hi.
You found me.
Oh, I'm very resourceful.
Delia, can you
grab me a latte?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Remind me of your name again?
Andy.
And there are for you.
Oh, what are these?
Flowers.
Flowers?
Yeah.
I've heard of those.
So I hope you
don't mind me coming
to see you at work like this.
No.
What exactly do
you do around here?
Just some consulting
here and there
at the other Midtown affiliates.
You know, amongst other things.
You?
Oh, I have a job that's got
way too many titles and hyphens
to fit on a business card.
So.
You impressed?
Maybe.
When When asking
someone out to dinner--
So you feeling spontaneous?
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Confidence is key.
Maybe.
Dictate the situation,
and don't hesitate.
I want you to meet me at
6:00 for a gorgeous sunset,
and, you know, never
ending laughter, and maybe
some dinner.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: You are in control.
You are in demand.
I'm not sure if I can do that.
Let me just check my--
Yeah, I can.
Good.
- Did you even check?
- Yeah, yeah.
Weird that you didn't see it.
No, we're fine.
So good.
See you later, see you later.
OK.
You are late.
Someone needs their hairwashing.
Bye.
What the hell is going on?
I think the coffee is ready.
OK.
Go ahead.
So what does he do?
I think he's some
sort of hotel executive.
Oh, well, that sounds
too good to be true.
Oh, so are his eyes.
When you see them,
you just wanna
take a skinny dip in them.
Easy tigress.
Sorry.
There may also be, like, one
teeny tiny other problem.
He might have a slightly
skewed perception of what
I actually do for a living.
You have got to own it.
Own your status.
No, I know, but Jessica
says to get success
you have to exude success.
You hate the book, don't you?
We're not gonna talk
about that, are we?
No, we're not.
We're not gonna talk about that
at all, because we don't care.
- That's looking pretty good.
- Yeah.
Maybe just a little bit
messier on the top right there.
Can you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.
That's perfect.
OK, so where were we?
She's beautiful,
she's successful?
Oh, she's incredible.
And her-- and her
accent is so adorable.
She says tuh-moh-row
instead of tuh-morrow.
And she's cute, and
she's just beautiful.
Yeah, I think we covered
the beautiful thing.
Listen, this is
starting to sound
a little too good to be true,
so cool your jets there, OK?
There's a little
confidence for you.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Use good wine
terminology to
handle conversations.
Oaky, creamy, and buttery.
It shows that your wines.
It's hard.
Love it.
It's round.
Velvety textured.
Courtesy of the chef.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
Wow.
Look at that.
Oh, I don't think
you eat those!
Yeah, they're edible.
No, I don't think they are!
Wow, look at the bar.
Ptui.
You know, I'm
really happy that,
um that you found me
as fast as you did.
Yeah, I can be tenacious.
I do have one thing, though.
It's kind of a
little rule of mine.
I don't like to mix work
with my personal life.
I like to keep work as
work and my personal life
is my personal life.
Yeah, no.
I'm the same way.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I mean, running
a hotel is tough.
Yeah, I bet.
So let's do that.
Let's make a deal.
No shop talk while
we're together.
That is quite a
commitment after knowing
me for hardly any time at all.
Yeah, well, like
I said, I can be--
"Tenacious."
Yeah, I got it.
Have I told you
how pretty you look?
And if I say "your
body is amazing,"
would you hold it against me?
I--
That is-- that is smooth.
I snuck it right in there.
Did-- did you research that?
Did you google it?
I did.
You did?
Yeah, I went "cube
functional pick up."
That's what you typed in?
Yeah.
Can I tell you what
I'm thinking about?
A little bit closer than that.
The maitre d' is
really freaking me out.
Shoo-shoo.
It's not hard to fall
It's too easy to break
So I'll keep on
pretending that you're not
perfect for me
as long as it takes
It's not all my fault
I know you feel the same
But we can't be
the just friends we've just
been trying to be
I know it's too late
Thanks.
I would invite you up, but--
But?
I gave up being
a slut for Lent.
Ah, so you're not a
slut and you honor Lent?
Yeah.
Thank you for wasting my time.
Have a good night.
No, you know I wouldn't.
I just have an early
meeting tomorrow.
That's fine.
No, me too.
I gotta go straight back to the
office to handle a few things.
So until next time?
Yes.
Until the next time.
OK.
Good night, Princess.
Good night, Fair Rita.
We've built
around our hearts
Broken fences mend
Second chances start
A new life
Huh?
You see?
That's what I'm talking about.
That looks sharp?
Yeah?
I don't know how I'm
gonna explain the charges
as a hotel expense, but--
Are you kidding me?
These are clothes for meetings.
And as Mr. Warren's
personal liaison,
it is important for
you to look good.
Right.
I mean, you like
this girl, don't you?
Yeah, she's incredible.
Oh, and I have an amazing
idea for the second date,
by the way.
Excellent.
I'm like a high
class criminal.
Not exactly the look I was going
for, but hell, I will take it.
Oh, I set up the meeting
at the bank to air my idea.
Get out of here.
Come on, come on, give me a hug.
Come on, all right, all right.
You're out of your mind.
No, Keith Grant is
better than John Bonham.
John Bonham was incredible.
Are you kidding me?
When you see him
live, you just--
you just feel it.
This is so beautiful.
Thank you for
bringing me out here.
I-- I have a surprise for you.
We've already had a surprise.
The yacht.
Close your eyes.
Close 'em!
OK.
Can I open them?
Simple
but it's complicated,
conversation underrated.
I could be your open book
when you're call close.
Tell me, is it too
imposing, asking
you to stay till morning?
It's a familiar
feeling we all know.
Now let's roll along and stay
up talking shit all night
and climb the roof and watch
the world we set on fire,
break the rules
and look for things
we shouldn't find inside.
'Cause lately I've
been growing crazy.
I think this might
have saved me.
Exactly what I needed.
I needed tonight, night.
Tonight.
I needed tonight, night.
Exactly what I needed.
I needed tonight.
I didn't know you
couldn't do that.
That was amazing.
Aw.
I wrote it for you.
Did you really?
Thank you.
I'm not using him.
No, not for the nine course
meals, the limo, yacht.
All right, well, when
you get it like that,
you have a fair point.
But Sash, I really like him.
You do, don't you?
That's why I can't
tell him the truth.
Yet.
I can't tell him the truth yet.
Well, it's not
real until you do.
You know that, right?
Oh my god.
What happened to the
Hayley I know, huh?
The one who's a force
of nature, who's tough,
and strong, and confident.
Student body
president, never earned
less than a B in her life, huh?
Where'd she go?
Because Hayley I
know would never
lie about who she
is, about her status,
or how hard she
works for her dreams.
Baby girl, you have got
too much going on inside.
You're better than this.
I just don't know anymore.
Oh my god.
So you got a little
banged up and bruised.
We all do.
Yeah, I haven't
gotten laid in months.
Well, there is that.
I'm gonna keep going.
- Yeah, I'm not.
- OK.
OK.
Fair enough.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Thanks.
So that's basically it.
All I need is the
startup capital.
To cover what, exactly?
Well, I need an
architect for one.
But you don't have the
money to build the hotel.
Well, no.
I mean, I need to
build the model first.
And you would
use the model to?
Show the investors what
the hotel might look like.
You know, so they'll
invest in the build.
A bigger model?
Exactly, you know.
And I need money for--
for market analysis,
and to put the
prospectus together.
And I mean--
Couldn't you sort of
do all this yourself?
Well, no.
Well, I mean, maybe
if I had a computer.
A computer.
You know, and
then, in theory, I
could do some of those things.
Actually, heck, I could
do all of those things.
This is-- this is true.
Honestly, who?
Who doesn't have a computer?
Your main problem,
Mr. Palazzo, is--
Oh, you can call me Andy.
I mean, we're past
that point, right?
I can call you Tom.
No.
Your main problem, Andy, is
that you don't have any assets,
liability, and collateral.
And it would be impossible
for us to give you a loan.
Find someone to bankroll
your startup capital
and get you going.
Thanks for coming in.
When you say "impossible"?
Impossible.
Thanks for coming in.
Great, thank you.
I'm gonna go and take a pen.
Look, the answer is no, OK?
Why not?
Because I don't invest
in friends' businesses.
I mean, eventually the
friendship will suffer
and the business will fail.
My business is not gonna fail.
Why don't you ask Mr. Warner?
It's Mr. Warren, and
no, he's already done
way too much for me already.
You've got nothing to lose.
Besides, he might like it.
I mean, it's a good idea.
It's just all about
the presentation.
I'll tell you what I will do.
I've got the complete
Adobe Suite--
Photoshop, Illustrator.
Everything you need to make
a kickass presentation.
I'll help you with that.
You can use my computer.
Computer?
I want you to invest
in the company.
I want your money.
It's not gonna happen, OK?
You can have my
computer or nothing.
Oh, how's Holly doing?
It's Hayley, and she's good.
You guys done the Macarena?
No.
Really?
That must be some kind
of record for you.
No, it's just, it's
different with this one, man.
And it's a mutual thing.
It's just, there's no rush.
You must really
like this girl.
Yeah.
All right, really,
it's killing me.
I'm-- I'm dying.
Hey, you got
plans for Saturday?
No.
I got a couple of
tickets for the opera.
You can have 'em.
The opera?
Yeah, the opera.
Trust me, one night at the
Met and you'll get laid.
The opera.
What?
All right, forget it.
I'll give 'em to someone else.
No, no, no, I'll take 'em.
I'm gonna give
'em to someone else.
Forget it.
- I trust you.
I just-- the opera?
Right?
That's what-- that's
what's gonna turn her on?
That will close the deal.
Yes, I'm heading to
the caterer right now.
I'm taking the corporate limo.
But nothing.
I will talk to you later.
Dumpty.
Dumpty!
Janine!
Janine!
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: The opera
is a cultural benchmark, a
sophisticated and elegant
affair.
And although it can be
emotionally overwhelming,
unlike a wide receiver
in the end zone,
try and pretend like
you've been there before.
No.
It's kind of cute.
It's cute.
Well, listen.
$40 million.
That's a lot of renminbi.
So let's just not screw this up.
Bye.
OK, sorry.
Hi.
Hi.
Um, hi.
You must be Andy.
Hi, yeah.
How are you?
Hi.
Um, I know we-- we just met, and
it's not my place to criticize,
but your Cantonese is bad.
Hm, well, then it was a good
thing I was speaking Mandarin,
isn't it?
I was-- yeah, it
was-- it was a bad joke.
So how was the opera for
the first time this season?
Great.
The first season.
It was brilliant, if anything.
Yeah.
Not as good as the Zeferetti
production we saw last year.
The Zeferetti.
Right.
Yeah, I-- l love Zeferetti.
Was
- Really?
- He's amazing.
- You too.
- Ah.
Yeah, especially,
um, Labawama, right?
Labahama is just--
It's stunning.
Unreal.
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe.
Yes.
I so--
I-- we didn't mean to disturb
you, but business call.
What do you do, exactly?
Oh, um, a hedge fund manager.
Oh, so you handle,
like, investments with,
you know, with other people's
money in different fields.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Primarily high risk VCs.
You know, thinking outside the
box type stuff, a lot of it
very cutting edge.
It's not safe.
So that is what makes it fun.
I've heard.
She's important.
Yeah.
Ahem, and you, Andy?
What exactly do you do?
Oh, hotel business.
It's-- it's-- well, it's--
I don't want-- it's a lot.
I mean, maybe if we,
you know, talk later,
I can give you more details.
Um, it's just, yeah,
a hotel business.
OK, well, I--
I'm bushed.
So we'll talk later about
that hotel business,
and you guys just, um, enjoy
yourselves, because I'm gonna--
I'm gonna sleep in your
bedroom, if that's OK?
That's fine.
Anything that you need
is more than OK with me,
because we just want you
to get back on your feet.
Yes, OK, got it.
Yes, uh-huh.
Thank you, OK.
And yeah, you kids need
anything, just help yourselves.
Did sh just say
that we can have
whatever we want in your house?
Did she?
No.
Really?
Her sense of humor's
really, really strange,
but I find it funny.
OK.
I gotta come clean.
OK.
I've never been to the opera.
My god.
That's not-- that's not what
I thought you were gonna say.
OK, but I actually do have
something serious to tell you,
though.
I feel like I've been a little
bit misleading about something.
I don't know who
Zeferetti is, and I've
never heard of him before, and
I don't know if that's his name.
Me either.
What?
No, I just told you that I--
no.
Is the Labahama thing--
is the Bahama
thing a real thing?
I don't know.
I thought you
knew what that was.
It probably is.
Where's the bathroom?
It's-- it's down there.
Down there to the right.
OK.
OK.
Yeah, good.
Yeah.
I like this girl.
I really like this girl.
No idea.
Sorry.
Hey.
I was gonna go get us a drink.
Seven shots
Is that deep enough?
Don't get it.
Seven means more,
gonna be seven tonight
Dirty minds think alike
You ain't gotta
say nothing
We made it to the floor
Now we can't get up
Just move with me
Get loose with me
Fuck your past, girl
Show me what you're
gonna do with it
Come trough with it
Pass through with it
You got some thoughts
I got 'em too
You got me like
oh, oh, oh, oh
Good morning.
Sorry, did I wake you?
No.
How come Sasha's
in all these photos
and you're in none of them?
That's just really--
it's a weird thing.
I just, I don't like posing
for photos, like, at all.
So she just-- she
just stands in for me.
So these are your parents?
Yep, yep.
You don't look
anything like 'em.
Well, it's just--
I think I look like my
grandfather, George.
God rest his soul.
So and this must
be your husband.
No, no.
That-- that's Devon.
He-- he's away on business.
So.
But you'll meet him.
Oh.
So that means you plan on
keeping me around for a while?
I don't know.
Maybe.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a call from Italy.
I gotta take this.
OK.
I'll be right back.
Mr. Warren, how are you, sir?
Are you in a bathroom?
I-- I'm at the gym
on the way to work.
I don't really
care where you are.
I'm worried.
Well, I've been doing the
downward dog all morning,
and all I can think about
is you and why I haven't
heard from you in two days.
Anything I should know about?
No, no, sir.
Everything is-- it feels great.
Have you heard from Roman
about the acquisitions?
No, sir, but I've
reached out multiple times.
Well, light some
fire under their asses.
Get this thing moving.
Sir?
Is everything OK?
Yeah, everything's--
everything's good.
I just had to iron
out a few wrinkles
on a hotel acquisition.
You just acquire a hotel?
I have this idea.
Mhm.
Where I wanna create hotels
that are more like apartments.
You know, instead
of hotel rooms,
where the interior,
the decor is casual,
and instead of room
service, you're
having a fridge in your place
and beer and hot pockets.
And stuff like that.
And the staff, they're
all your friends,
and they're dressed
in street clothes
instead of bellhop uniforms.
And it's just a cool, casual
place that feels like home.
But it just happens
to be a hotel.
Yeah, I wanna call
it "Crash Pad."
It's a bad idea?
No.
No?
Actually, it reminds me
a little bit of something
that I'm working on.
Really?
I want to open
up a full service
bar salon that's more social.
When you say "full service?"
Shut up!
Seriously, you know, like, when
you go to get your hair done
and whatever at a salon,
everyone's chatting
and they're gossiping.
And it's, like, communal.
But when you go to a spa,
like to get a body scrub
or a massage, it's
just so isolated.
So I wanna combine them both.
And I wanna have like
a bar and a buffet,
and I don't know, just make it
like a more social experiment,
I guess.
Kind of like "Cheers,"
but for women.
So what are you gonna call it?
"Community Zen."
Oh.
Oh no.
Do you think I'm crazy?
No, I think
you're zensational.
You see what I did there?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's very clever.
I'm afraid of you.
Good.
Because if your
falling for me half
is harder than falling for
you, then we're in big trouble.
I gotta go.
I wanna stay.
OK, go call a hotel.
You have any plans tomorrow?
Did you have
something in mind?
Maybe.
I wanna take you somewhere
that requires skill.
OK.
We'll see if you're up to par.
Oh, good morning, Princess.
Details, details, details.
Because, like, Grandpa
George, really?
Well, I-- what was
I supposed to do?
I'm not in any of the photos.
Well, whose fault is that?
Well, we did not
think that through.
I did not think that through.
So did we--
did we give the
American a good wank?
Stop it!
Did we?
Come on, spill it.
He was amazing.
It was amazing.
We were amazing.
I mean, the whole thing
was just really amazing
in, like, a lot of ways.
Was it-- was it amazing?
It was amazing.
- Yeah, I'm getting that.
- Yeah.
You know last night
with the opera talk?
Mhm?
Yeah, it was his
first time that night.
Oh, really?
Labawama, my ass!
You're smitten.
I am.
That initial
little pitter patter
of feelings that if we could
just bottle up and sell we
would be millionaires.
Oh, I'm pathetic
now, aren't I?
No, not exactly pathetic.
You're at the intersection
of pathetic and cute.
And I'm happy for you.
But you do know that he
thinks he's dating the owner
and boss of a series of spas.
I know.
What am I gonna do?
Unity
You gotta tell him.
I can't.
You gotta just spit it out.
Every pun intended.
Oh my God.
I don't want to.
Oh, you ridiculous,
petulant little child.
God, whatever.
It's your life.
I'm gonna make us some tea, OK?
And you're gonna
wash the sheets.
No.
No, seriously,
wash the sheets.
- I'll wash the sheets.
- Yeah.
Here it comes.
Ready?
OK, you gotta keep
your eye on the ball.
That's all I know
what to tell you.
OK.
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you guys come and
hang with us at the beach house
this weekend?
Really?
Yes.
Check in with Hayley.
See if she's down with it.
but what about Eva?
I mean, does she-- does
she know what's going on?
Because if we go, then, I mean,
you both are gonna have to--
Lie about your
professional life?
Look, I don't think
she's gonna do that,
but I'll make sure she
keeps her mouth shut.
OK, thanks, man.
Yeah.
Oh, you're not so great at this.
Give me one more.
Yeah, let's go do a
little Putt Putt golf.
Come on, Babe Ruth.
I hate you.
Real skill, huh?
Hell, yes.
Hi, two for minigolf?
Yes, please.
Learn to golf
and to golf well.
Wait, did you just quote--
Huh?
Never mind.
Here's your score card.
Thank you.
You guys are so cute.
- Aw, appreciate that.
- Thanks.
You're cute.
You're cute.
Yes, Mr. Dumpty.
OK, so you can take it.
OK.
So what you're gonna do is,
you are going to move your arms
and your shoulders
together like a pendulum.
OK?
OK.
Gorgeous, velvet, pendulum.
OK, OK.
You got it.
Just watch and learn.
OK.
Yeah, I learned how
to play golf before you
discovered pocket pool.
Just be grateful we're
not on a real gold course,
because the I'd--
I'd really embarrass you.
Noted.
We could--
Yeah, you'll be fine.
Thank you.
Thank you.
There's no way this is right.
Well, with the nine
mulligans I gave you
and the penalty strokes that
I did add because you thought
that getting your ball
lost in the windmill
was penalty enough.
All of that is correct.
OK, that it is.
Traumatized?
No.
Yes.
I just don't think I've
ever been so thoroughly
emasculated in my entire life.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- You're not sorry.
- No.
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Nothing I can't move around.
Why?
- Because maybe I wanna see you.
- Yeah?
Take you somewhere.
Where?
Definitely not minigolf.
Yeah, we won't do
minigolf anymore.
Never again.
No, it didn't
make you look good.
No.
It's messed up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Peter.
How we doing?
Fine.
What you have?
This just came up from legal.
They said everything
is copacetic,
but Mr. Warren would
feel better if--
Yeah, yeah.
I'll Take a look.
Thank you.
Anything else?
I wanna talk to you about an
idea that I've been working on.
An idea?
It's a new hotel chain.
Do you know how much effort
it takes to make a proposal
for a new hotel chain?
To even build one?
I-- I-- I do.
And-- but this is--
this is great.
Look, everyone knows
Mr. Warren sees something
in you that no one else sees.
But that'll take you so far.
It got you in this conversation.
But all due diligence, you
gotta start hustling or this
is how far you're gonna get.
Goodbye, Andy.
Mia?
What?
I was just wondering if you
could give me some advice.
On?
I have this idea about
setting up a spa, like yours.
Well, this should
be interesting.
Go on.
No, not--
I mean, vastly
different to yours.
Like, considerably
different to yours.
But I was just--
how did you start this place up?
Like, did you get an LLC?
Where did you get the
start up funds for it?
You do realize you're
asking your current boss
how to start a
business that will
directly compete with hers?
Oh, no, no.
No, it's just a-- it's
just a hypothetical.
It's not--
Should I start looking
for your replacement?
No, no, definitely not.
Because I'm asking for the
feature, a galaxy far away.
Not now is what I'm saying.
Like, not now at all.
So I really
appreciate the advice.
Have a lovely weekend.
Just not now is--
yeah.
I hope you guys are ready
for an amazing weekend
at the beach.
Andy, thanks for the limo.
No, no, no, it's the
least that we can do.
Honey, did I tell you?
Andy's company is picking
up the limo ride for us.
Isn't that a personal
expense, though?
Is your-- are your
shareholders OK with that?
How many shareholders
is it that you have?
I forget.
Honey, we don't wanna
talk about this boring stuff
when there's a lot of expensive
champagne to be drinking.
Yeah, but no
champagne, no shoptalk.
Let's just sit back
and enjoy the ride.
OK, OK.
Come on in, make
yourselves at home.
Wow, this is your house.
No, technically,
it's our house.
Mi casa, su casa.
So what do you guys wanna do?
I wanna get some sun.
Oh, yeah, you could use
a little sun on that pasty
white butt of yours.
Wow, that view looks amazing.
Listen, why don't you guys
just chill out a little bit,
and we'll go and
have some dinner, OK?
And I have an idea for
tomorrow, so let's go talk.
This guy.
Right?
What?
What, what, what?
You know what.
You're smitten over her.
Not that I blame you.
She's adorable.
You're falling for this girl.
"Fallen."
This is past tense.
Really?
Yeah, that was fast.
I know.
I'm sold.
Good for you.
Somebody is a
little p-whipped.
- OK.
- Right?
Mr. p-whipped over here.
We got Mr. p-whipped
right there.
It's the accent.
It's priceless.
No, it's just--
she's everything I wanna be.
What, like a fraud and a liar?
Wow.
Come on, I'm just saying.
When you gonna
tell her the truth?
I don't know.
I mean, maybe when I
feel like I'm not gonna
lose her when she finds out.
You'll never know until
you tell her the truth.
You're not the first guy to do
something stupid because you
want to impress a girl.
What are you talking about?
Was she looking at me?
Huh?
Oh
Jeez.
Andy, what is going on?
I have left you
over 20 messages.
Call me immediately.
Deep down
in the jungle, where the wild
grass grows high,
where life is a miracle and
they never really ask why,
can I get a ride down there?
Need a bit of action
I know
Take me to the DJ
Show me how
the party goes
You have come too
far away from home
I can't believe you
talked me into taking
dance lessons right now.
You've had a few drinks.
We're gonna have a good time.
Thank God we've had drinks.
You're OK with this?
Are you kidding?
This is awesome.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, come on!
Shake it up into
the night
Shake it up into
the night
Time to dance
my life away
Shake it up into
the night
Remember the days I prayed
for what I have now
Ivy League with old friends,
dreams, and cocktails,
sharing the
tones, the good times
and the best times.
What's in us is stronger than
what's there to defeat us
Oh way oh
And we only get one chance
at this thing called life
Oh way oh
Chase after your dreams
till you feel alive
Ooh, honey.
Come on, we're home.
Hey.
We're gonna step out, guys.
This is us.
OK.
I had a great time,
had a great time.
Have fun.
Thanks for everything, buddy.
Thank you again.
- Come on, baby.
- Good night.
Good night.
I don't want this
weekend to end.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to.
Really?
Have you ever had
a Neapolitan orgasm?
It's always been
on my to-do list.
Well, some would
call it Italian food.
Yeah, I'd like to do that.
Gary.
Take us to Patsy's.
I miss you more and more.
Wow, Italian orgasm
of the soul, indeed.
Oh, but it's not Italian.
It's-- Tony, will you
remind her what this is?
It's Neapolitan.
Chef Boyardee in a
can is Italian food.
Sal isn't with us this evening.
However, I would like
to present to you
both a copy of his latest book.
May our recipes become
your family dinners.
That's so nice of you.
Thank you.
Prego.
Get it?
I crack myself up.
So first communal property.
Come here.
Thank you for dinner
and for this weekend.
OK, I'm gonna go use the ladies.
I'll be right back.
Tony, can I get
the check, please?
Here you go, my friend.
I am sorry, but--
I'm assuming this
meal has nothing to do
with official hotel business.
Am I wrong in that assumption?
What are you doing here?
Just making sure
Mr. Warren knows
that you are not to be trusted.
Now, you would never use the
company credit card, would you?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
That was a mistake.
Um, I'm gonna go
ahead and leave cash.
Thanks.
Give my regards
to your girlfriend.
And I hope you
brought enough cash.
I can't wait for Mr.
Warren to come home.
Limos, yachts,
expensive dinners?
Dumpty, Dumpty.
The point is, you're
in a lot of trouble!
Hey.
Hey.
- You OK?
- Yeah.
Everything's fine.
Are we good?
All set?
Yeah, I just--
why don't you meet me
in the limo, and yeah,
I wanna do one more thing.
OK.
Don't forget that.
I'm not going to.
Hey.
Oh, hi.
Gary, take us home.
Thank you for dinner.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry, come here.
Kevin, good morning.
We should talk.
Not a good day
for you, Dumpty.
Yeah.
I just got off a Skype
call with Mr. Warren and Gina
up in accounting, all those
expenses that you've rung up.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to whistle.
That's not a whistle.
That's not the point.
The card, please?
Thank you.
Mr. Warren would
like you to go home.
And he will deal with
you when he returns.
Kevin, you're not--
I don't wanna hear it.
You can't fire me.
That's correct, but
I can suspend you.
And that's what I'm
doing right now.
Wait.
Just because I--
"Just because?"
Corporate fraud is
not a "just because."
You have always been
a world class slacker,
but congratulations.
You have just graduated to an
epic screw-up and a criminal.
If it was up to me, I would
send you to jail today,
but Mr. Warren insisted that
he takes care of it himself.
But don't fret, Dumpty.
We'll survive just fine
without the lackluster services
of our hotel greeter.
A hotel greeter?
Oh, yes.
And a bad one at that.
What's he talking about, Andy?
Nothing, he's just--
You told me you
were the manager.
Oh, he did?
Oh, that's funny.
That's funny.
Because I'm the manager.
Is that true?
It's-- yes.
You lied to me?
Hayley, wait.
Don't touch me!
OK!
I'm sorry, but you've
gotta let me explain.
Explain what?
Explain what, Andy?
Every single moment that you
and I have spent together
has been a lie.
I wanted to tell
you the truth, but--
But?
But I thought
you would leave me.
OK, I thought that--
No, no, what, Andy?
That you're this insanely
beautiful, successful business
woman, and I'm a loser.
OK, tell me you didn't fall
in love with my AMEX card.
Tell me that you fell in
love with the schmuck who
cries like an
infant at the opera
and accidentally eats flowers.
Tell me that you
don't care that I'm
a flat broke greeter who lives
in a 200 square foot apartment.
I know you would never lie, and
I would never stoop this low,
but I don't think that you
would fall for me if I--
if I wasn't as
successful as you were.
And that was wrong.
But I am in love with you.
I don't know you.
Hayley, come on.
Dress to impress?
Bollocks!
It's gonna be a great day.
A great day.
Thinking tomorrow
I'll see your face
So sad that I let you go
And the memory of your kiss
still hugs me each night
when I'm not with you, baby
Lost is what I feel when
you take me to your eyes
And words cannot describe
as I kiss your lips goodbye
Lost is what I feel when
you take me to your arms
And words cannot describe as
I kiss your lips goodnight
When I kiss your
lips goodbye
Goodbye
Hey, what's going on?
Who are you?
I'm the guy whose
door you knocked on.
I'm Andy.
I'm looking for-- for Hayley.
She lives here.
Yeah, I guess
you could say that,
but she went out with Sasha.
She's not here right now.
I was--
I recognized you.
You-- you're the guy from
the pictures in her room.
I'm Devon.
Oh, I know exactly--
all right, cool.
I know who you are.
She's gonna be back
in a little bit.
You wanna come in?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on in, man.
Come in.
OK.
Yeah.
So it's poker night.
Make yourself comfortable.
Have a seat.
Oh, I don't wanna--
This is Doc, Dopito,
Bashful, and Grumpy.
Why do I gotta be Dopito?
Because you look
like a Mexican.
That's a little racist.
That's-- that sounds
a little racist to me.
- This is Hayley's friend--
- Andy.
Andy.
Nice shirt, man.
Who's Hayley?
Freeloader who lives
in Sasha's closet.
Let's be nice, all right.
Helping out a friend, thank you.
I-- sure.
Why did he just say that?
We're all a little banged up.
Who knows what he
says half the time.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, can we smoke in here?
No, I told you that like
a couple of months ago.
You want Sasha to freak?
Well, how am I
supposed to play poker
and drink without smoking?
My apartment, my rules.
Hey, what do you mean?
So with Haley, I think
that maybe if you just
give it a little bit of time--
Honestly, this-- this--
I mean, this sucks.
Next time, we're not
gonna play at your place,
because is like a nunnery.
But he keeps
saying "your place."
This is a place
where nuns are made.
Don't worry about it.
First of all, it's also
where he met his ex-wife
and buys his weed, so
there we go, right?
Uh, I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, dude, dude, dude,
right through the hallway,
first door on the right.
See, it wasn't so bad.
I mean, the drinks
were really good.
Hey, babe.
Hey, honey.
We have a guest.
So what exactly did you
mean when you said that this--
this is your house?
Andy?
Hi.
Oh my God.
So what do you
mean you live here?
OK, this is when
you spit it out.
It's theirs, OK?
I haven't been entirely
honest with you either.
Why would you
tell me that this
is your-- this was your place?
I don't--
It means I don't exactly
have my own place right now.
And?
And I'm not a consultant.
I'm a shampoo girl.
And a failure, and now a fraud.
Apparently.
So that's good.
Um, poker game over.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry
No worries, no worries.
You'll clean it up.
I'm sorry.
I think it might
be time to leave anyway.
Yeah, sorry.
We were just lying
to each other.
You know what?
I wanted to love you.
And I still wanna love you.
Maybe one day, we
can, but not until we
find the courage to
love ourselves as we
are, and just not someone else.
This is embarrassing.
I'm gonna go.
OK.
Look, it's not the
end of the world, right?
No, I'm just probably
gonna get fired from my job,
and I just lost the girl that
I thought I was gonna spend
the rest of my life
with, but it doesn't
feel like the end of the world.
Well, my point is, she's
never gonna see you again.
Blake, that's my point.
No, I'm-- I'm agreeing
with your point.
I'm just saying she's
not gonna see you
again because you lied to her.
So?
So you don't need to
be embarrassed that you
threw up at her friend's house.
That's not the reason
it didn't work out.
You are just a huge help.
Look, do you even wanna
see this chick again?
You don't even know her.
I just really thought
I loved her, man.
You thought you loved her,
or you loved the idea of her?
I don't know.
Whatever it is, I miss it.
I just wish I would have
never read that damn book.
What book?
Sasha, I think there
was something real there.
Under the lies and all that
deception and everything
we both did, I--
I think it was real.
I-- Oh, God, I must be crazy.
Yes, you are.
But so was he.
And maybe you both
being crazy is why
you're perfect for each other.
If we were perfect for each
other, we wouldn't have lied,
though.
Well, I wouldn't be
too hard on yourself.
You were just, ahem,
following instructions.
Jessica.
Yes.
You know, I think
my copy was broken.
Is there security?
No, no, no.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
I'm leaving.
But thank you for nothing.
Well, I am--
I'm so sorry.
That may have been my
fault. You don't know me.
I'm Hayley.
Hi.
I met you at a book signing a
few months ago, and yeah, I--
I'm pretty sure that--
that was me.
Sorry.
Do you know him?
I do.
Um, he's my ex.
Oh.
Well, your ex didn't
like my book very much.
He burned it, dumped
it on my desk,
and told me it was broken.
Your book?
Was.
Yeah, I-- I see that.
Sorry, again.
We've both been reading your
book and following your advice.
We-- we did do that.
Where we sort of-- we projected
to be successful like we wanted
to be, but we're not really.
Yes, you read it wrong.
What?
It's project success
in business, not in love.
Is there any way you
wanna go get a drink?
I'd love to just talk to you
and maybe get some advice.
You know what?
I could use a drink.
Really?
Yes.
Well.
Yes, and the
first one is on me.
Thank you, because I'm broke.
I don't care that you spent
$20,000 of the company's money.
I don't care that
you committed what
amounts to corporate fraud.
What I do care about is that
I gave you an opportunity
and you squandered it.
What I do care about is
that I saw potential in you
that was never really there.
What I care about is that
I wasted 15 years on you.
Now, you have to find
a way to help yourself.
Help yourself grow.
I can no longer help you.
You're fired.
See yourself out.
Sir, I--
I understand.
I would fire me too.
But I am incredibly
grateful for everything
that you've done for me.
And well, there's
nothing I can say
to let you know how sorry
I am that I've let you down
and let myself down.
I've got work to do.
I'm coming back, but I'm
not coming back as your clerk.
I'm gonna come back
as your partner,
and I'm gonna show you.
Grandma, you are a lifesaver.
Hi.
I'm Hayley.
Nice to meet you both.
OK, so my idea is, is to
combine a spa and a salon.
Conversations said our
mouths did not move
I didn't drink
I think I'm wasted on you
I'm paralyzed and yet
I feel like I can run
Hey
We light the fire when
we pull out the plug
There's no ink
under your skin
Inside the tattoos
lie within
I'm here to stay
Here to stay
There's no ink
under my skin
Inside the tattoo
lies within.
I'm here to stay
Here to stay
Even if I meet
you tomorrow, I'll
be here to wake you
up in the morning
and dance with you until
nightfall yesterday and today
and the day after that
I'll stay with
you tomorrow.
Good nights no end
to good morning
We pick up our love as we
trust fall yesterday
and today
and the day after that
I'll stay with you
The king of hearts has
been dealt on my sleeve.
It is no card without
the hand of its queen
If you're afraid to jump
then how will you ever fall?
There's no shame in
loving this deeply
There's no ink
under my skin
Inside the tattoo
lies within
I'm here to stay
Here to stay
Even if I meet
you tomorrow, I'll
be here to wake you
up in the morning
and dance with you until
nightfall yesterday and today
and the day after that
I'll stay with
you tomorrow
Man, I've been working on
that thing for eight months.
Listen, Crash Pad
is a great idea.
Yeah.
Now that it's out of my hands,
all I can think about is her.
Well, it's been
inspiring, watching
you work on something so hard.
And listen, good things
happen to good people, right?
I mean, you keep your
heart in the right place,
you're gonna get everything.
You'll get the girl and the job.
You deserve it.
Thanks, man.
What are you doing here, Andy?
I would love to
see Mr. Warren.
Come in.
Make yourself comfortable,
and I'll go grab him.
Listen, don't tell him
that I'm telling you this,
but he really wanted you to
come visit for Christmas.
We both did.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I missed it.
Good.
Go sit down.
What's that?
How are you, sir?
That--
Spit it out, Andy.
Yes, sir.
It's your 50th hotel.
And it's my first of many.
I have no time
for games, Andy.
Yeah, I understand.
I'm not here to play games.
Sit down.
Mr. Warren, I
need to apologize.
I know that
you're sorry, Andy.
You don't need to apologize.
I do.
I mean, you've been incredibly
gracious to my family and I.
You've been like
a second father.
You deserve more respect
and more gratitude
than I, obviously,
can give to you.
And I'm just--
I appreciate that, Andy.
Thank you.
Well, shut the hell up and
show me what's in this case.
I'd like to
present to you Crash
Pad Inc by Andrew Palazzo.
And look, I mean, the projected
revenue from the first quarter
is there, and, you
know, if you flip here,
actually it's our-- yeah.
But wait.
There's more.
I'd like you to take a
stroll through the hotel.
I've created an idea to
make a hotel feel like home,
like an apartment.
The interior, it's casual,
it's friendly, it's affordable.
I mean, we have a staff that
dresses in street clothes
rather than bell hop uniforms,
and the refrigerators
are filled with beer and
Hot Pockets, if they want.
And I want a--
I want a home away from home.
That's-- that's thee Crash Pad.
I put my heart into this,
Mr. Warren, and I just--
I feel like it can work.
And I mean--
Scotch?
No, I'm--
I'm off.
Yeah.
A home away from home.
It's very, very risky.
No, Mr. Warren.
I--
Stop.
It's also brilliant.
The hotel VCs are tight-asses.
They don't like to stray too
far off the comfort zones.
So if this is gonna happen,
it has to be outside the box.
Investors with balls.
Well, Mr. Warren, if you--
Sebastian.
Sebastian.
If we're gonna be
business partners,
it's gonna be on a
first name basis.
Sir, great.
Thank you.
Here we are.
To the first step.
To the first step.
Remind me again what
the next step is?
We find a company
to partner with.
Mhm.
Someone who will be the
perfect fit for the spa.
Well, aren't you happy?
No, I am.
I just miss him.
So call him.
You know I can't.
I gotta straighten
myself out first.
If it's mean to be, we'll
find each other again,
but this takes priority.
Good girl.
Nice suit.
Shiny.
Thank you.
Dude, you fart?
That was me.
I'm sorry.
I'm nervous.
Hey, babe.
Nothing.
I am stocking conditioner.
Yes, it's riveting.
What?
They said yes!
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes!
OK.
What is going on
with the screaming?
What is happening?
They said yes!
I don't care who
said yes to what.
Your behavior is
completely unacceptable.
You know what, Mia?
Blow it out of your arse.
Shove it in your face.
I'm out, bitches!
What?
They said yes!
So construction starts when?
A few months from now.
Tonight is just a
groundbreaking party.
You know, a chance for
everyone to meet each other.
I cannot believe
that this is happening.
Well, I can.
Because you deserve it.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
I can't see.
I know.
Good, good, good.
Right here, and right here.
It's beautiful.
That's because it's yours.
Thank you.
Sasha?
Hm?
What's this hotel called?
What is this hotel called?
You know, that is a really--
it's a really good question.
You know, I thought
I'd answered that.
You know what?
You did.
I'm gonna go find
some more liquid food.
Thanks, Sasha.
You're welcome.
What, you don't
remember the name?
Crash Pad?
Yeah.
How did you do this?
With a lot of help, some
good advice, and some bad,
and Mr. Warren.
We like Mr. Warren.
We like Mr. Warren.
When I found out we were gonna
have the space for a spa,
I knew a little someone that
had some wonderful ideas, just
hadn't got the
opportunities yet.
It was true.
Us.
When you said that everything
we ever had together was a lie,
that wasn't true either.
Because the moment you
came through those doors,
I fell in love with you.
I know that could sound crazy--
Shut up and kiss me.
Show me Crash Pad.
OK.
Simple but it's complicated,
conversation underrated
I could be your open
book when you're closed
Tell me, is it too
imposing, asking
you to stay till morning
It's a familiar
feeling we all know
Let's roll on out
We'll stay up talking shit
all night and climb the roof
and watch the world we set
on fire, break the rules
and look for things we
shouldn't find tonight
'Cause lately I've
been going crazy
I think this might
have saved me
Exactly what I needed
I needed tonight
Oh, oh, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
Spend a little
time that's wasted
We can jump into the pool
We can get naked
If you wanna take it too
far, that's where we'll go
Let's roll on out
We'll stay up talking shit
all night, and climb the roof
and watch the world we set
on fire, break the rules
and look for things we
shouldn't find tonight
'Cause lately I've
been going crazy
I think this might
have saved me
Exactly what I needed
I needed tonight
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah
'Cause lately I've
been going crazy
I think this might
have saved me
Exactly what I needed
Yeah
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
Tonight
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Crash and burn
Wouldn't you say that's
only way we learn?
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
When the red light and the
brake lights lit your face,
and you take me on a
joyride back to your place
We don't need nobody, no...
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
Take me home tonight
Don't deny
It's not fair, but
I'm too scared
I don't know why
They can't tell us
what to do
They don't even
know the truth
I can't help falling for you
It's chemical, and I
don't need to hear it
When the red light and the
brake lights lit your face,
and you take me on a
joyride back to your place
I don't need nobody
I don't need nobody
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Every day
when you wake up,
before you even
put your feet on the
ground, you tell yourself
"it's gonna be a great day."
It's gonna be a great day.
Take me away to a
different place
I can't keep
myself off of you
Drive me down, drop
me off into town
And I will follow you
When the red light and the
brake lights lit your face,
and you take me on a
joyride back to your place
We don't need nobody
We don't need nobody
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: You
can't greet each day
with negative energy
and expect positive results.
So start positive
and stay positive.
It's gonna be a great day.
Say it and mean it.
Today's gonna be a great day.
It's been clinically proven
that exercise increases
energy and libido,
improves health and
enhances self-esteem.
Look good, feel good.
Wow.
So you asked me to
take you to work,
and you're doing Jane Fonda.
No, no, no, no.
Not this.
We're gonna be late.
Let's go!
Really?
What time is it?
Oh, crap.
What happened to push-ups?
No excuses, no exceptions.
Stop being a spectator
and get into the game.
Want to attract
high caliber mates?
You'll need low
body fat and high
endurance, both in and
out of the bedroom.
Winners look good.
Oh, sod off.
Taxi!
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Chapter 2, dressing
for success.
If you want to track
successful people,
you need to dress the part.
Dress like you're as
successful as you one one day
hope to become.
Sloppy slouchers as end up
with supermodels, do they?
To differ, Jessica, I got
Jonah Hill and Donald Trump.
Wait a second.
Who are you calling "Jessica?"
Don't tell me you're so
reading that girly crap.
No I'm just thinking out loud.
Oh, oh, God, what is that?
Oh, God!
- It's confidence.
- "Confidence?"
You need a lot of confidence
to wear that cat piss.
Where'd you get it,
at the dollar store?
I can't do it this morning.
I-- I can't--
You know, I was thinking,
you need to do a little spring
cleaning around here.
I mean, seriously,
what the hell is that?
No, what are you doing?
My grandma gives
me one every year.
We don't wanna hurt
grandma's feelings,
but you should shove
that into a drawer fast.
Thank you.
Are-- look, are you taking
me, or am I ubering?
Like, what?
What am I doing?
Excuse me?
What are you doing here?
Piggy collection.
I need a boost this morning.
I need don't need a nag!
Her wedding was this morning.
Oh.
Hi, Sasha.
Hm?
Can I raid your closet again?
Again?
Please?
My Chanel is your Chanel,
especially if you don't
throw Elvis out the window.
Did he poop on
the free zone again?
In your suitcase,
you know what?
It's only because he trusts
you, because he doesn't
just poop anywhere, do you?
No, you don't.
Oh, my little baby.
Oh, I really need
to get my own place!
Why?
Devon's hardly around, and
I like having you here.
So does Elvis, apparently.
Now that you are
broken up, I want
you to focus on your goals,
your dreams, and achieve them.
Right now, all I want to do is
achieve looking as good as you
in one of your Chanel dresses.
Hm, good luck with that.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Wanna marry up?
Don't dress down.
Wanna climb the corporate
ladder all the way to the top?
Then dress like
you're already there.
You are the master
of your own fate.
So be punctual, be
diligent, be efficient,
and you will accomplish
all of your goals.
So Linda, how's the desk?
Hello, Andy.
You're late.
Again.
You know, it is
the 21st century.
There are some exciting
new products called
razors and ironing boards.
You should give them a try.
Good one, boss.
I mean, I-- I sacrificed
underwear today in an effort
not to be late.
Yeah, I'm going commando!
You're disgusting.
TMI.
You're right.
It's clearly TMI.
The toilet in the executive
washroom is clogged.
I'd like you to take care
of that after you clock in.
Kev, buddy, that's not
in my job description.
Can't maintenance do it?
Oh, they can, but you will.
Call it your penance for your
allergy to being punctual.
You see, one of
the perks of having
a high level job
like mine is it gives
me the right to be capricious.
I'm sorry, Andy.
That may be a big word for you.
You know what that means?
It's 8:02 in the morning, OK?
I'm not gonna let
you ruin my day.
You think that I'm gonna
capriciously clean that toilet?
So sad.
Yes, I do.
And if you have a problem with
that, why don't you take it
up with our boss, Mr. Warren?
We all know the reason why he
feels he has to tolerate you.
So go ahead and take
care of that dump, Andy.
Oh, oh, "Dumpty."
That will be your new nickname.
It's perfect because
it's "dumb" and "dee."
I squeeze it--
I wasn't finished with you.
Welcome to the Revelle.
Not everyone will like you.
Not everyone will
want you to succeed.
Life doesn't always
give you what you want,
but it does equip you with
what you need to learn.
OK.
What?
Wanna take over the world?
You better own it first.
The world is yours.
Say it loud.
The world is mine."
The world is mine.
The world is mine.
Really, is it?
Could have fooled me.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: You're on your way.
You're on the path.
You're getting closer every day.
You have to believe you
can get what you want.
The world is mine.
You sure you don't
a copy of this book?
Mhm.
I'm telling you, you
wanna work here forever?
This book will impact your life.
Right now, I am hoping that
a margarita will impact my lip.
I love you.
I love you too.
Good night, mama.
Good night, baby.
In a rat race like this,
you have to be the strongest
and the fastest rat
if you wanna get
the cheese that's
waiting on the other
side of that finish line.
And that is why we are all
here, to do the best we can,
to make the most of who we are--
to win the race and
to win the game.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hello.
- Hi.
Hi.
Wow, you're so much
prettier in person.
Well, that's a little
bit upset actually.
Thank you.
You have great taste.
And I love your accent.
What's your name?
Um, Hayley.
H-A-Y-L-E-Y.
Mhm.
I'm actually-- I'm thinking
about writing a book myself.
Oh, awesome.
What about?
Oh I don't know.
I don't know what
my story is yet?
Why don't you get
out there and find out.
And when you have
a book signing,
I'll be front and center.
Deal?
Deal, yes.
Can I shake your--
Yes, nice to meet you.
Lovely to meet you.
Thank you.
Good luck to you.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
Wow, you are
prettier in person.
Ah, you can tell with
those shades on, huh?
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Oh, you have beautiful eyes.
You should use them.
And stitch up that shirt.
You're better than that.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Want more and you'll get more.
Ask for more, and
you'll receive more.
You wanna be rich, be rich.
You wanna be successful,
be successful.
You are made of
unrealized greatness.
Believe it.
Can I ask you to fix my shirt?
Stupid.
My mamita, you're dreaming.
I'm not.
Why?
Why am I dreaming?
OK, rich.
- Yeah.
- Handsome.
Yeah.
Funny.
Under 35 with an IQ over 125?
Mamita, that's like an anomaly.
That sounds like
a place in Italy.
No, it does.
Yeah.
I love the pizza in Anomaly.
That's not finding nature.
OK, that's like--
that's like a nudist
that you really
want to see naked.
Wait.
Any man like that is
going to stray or he's gay.
That rhymes.
It does Well done.
Exhibit A--
Joey.
Hey, what have
we spoken about?
We do not say his
name aloud, do we?
Sorry, please,
don't get violent.
Exhibit A-- he whose name
we do not say out loud.
Thank you.
He was cute.
Yeah.
He had a nice butt.
He did have a nice butt.
He had a really nice butt.
He was successful.
Yeah.
What did he do?
Sleep with a Hooters waitress.
OK, first off, Hooters
has lovely chicken wings.
Second of all, maybe he did
not mean to sleep with her.
Sure, honey.
And listen, I
don't like cocaine.
I just like the way it smells.
Look, I don't wanna settle.
Everyone settles
to varying degrees.
People, actual living,
breathing human people,
will never live
up to the fantasy.
Never.
Like Taylor Swift,
never, ever, never.
OK.
Thank you for doing
my nails, though.
They look pretty.
I wanna look really
good for when I jump
off in my head in.
She's driving me crazy.
You need to slap that bitch.
I do.
I do need to smack her.
Like a huge one.
All five fingers.
Thumb.
Oh, watch where you're going.
Are you serious?
Welcome to the
Revelle in New York.
Hi.
I'm looking for for colleagues.
Well, we have a bulletin
over there with today's post.
Do you have a meeting room?
I don't know where
I wrote that down.
Do you know your
colleague's name?
Cruella DeVille.
Are you British?
You're a smart one.
Let me guess.
Kate or Diana.
Pardon?
Oh, my name?
Yeah.
No, why?
Well, you look like royalty,
or a beautiful princess.
Um, I'm Hayley.
So Princess Hayley.
I'm Andy.
Oh, I gotta go.
What do you mean?
Wait, you're leaving?
I don't think I can face
the world without you.
Oh, I think you
underestimate yourself.
No, but really, I'd
love to see you again.
Well, find me
and you never know.
You're late.
What happened?
I know.
I'm so sorry.
The bloody traffic was awful.
I nearly broke my heel.
I tore my
it's just a bad morning.
Are you OK?
Thank you for asking that.
Um, if I'm honest, I'm
really missing my ex.
I stupidly went onto
Instagram, and I
saw him with his new girlfriend,
and that was just a really--
I don't actually care.
I have no time now
to go over these.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Make sure this
never happens again.
You got it?
I-- I'm sorry.
I did ask them, though, to get--
No, no, you don't ask.
You demand what you need, and
you make them give it to you.
And by the way, you
represent my spa,
and I looked better
during my first labor
than you look right now.
Go fix your face.
You should be
nicer as a mother--
Sleeves rolled
up, still unshaven,
and what were you doing
flirting with a guest?
I wasn't flirting with a--
and she wasn't even a guest.
She was looking--
Everyone who walks through
that door is a guest!
Listen here, Dumpty,
did you enjoy cleaning
the toilets the other day?
Because I've got a lot more jobs
just like that waiting for you.
Do you got it?
Got it.
Good.
Not gonna ruin my day.
Oh.
Mr. Warren, playing with
Kevin's computer again, hm?
It's a beautiful
day out, isn't it?
You know your father hired me
when I was 20 years old, right?
When I got here
from Denmark, right?
Yeah, I've heard
the story a few times.
You had no shoes.
You used to put your used gum
in water and then take it out
when you wanted to chew it.
Yeah.
I mean, such as, such as.
Your father was
like a brother to me.
If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't
have been able to move up
from the mailroom to
be the eventual CEO
of the Imperial Hotel Group.
When he passed,
he made me promise
to look after the hotels
and look after you.
Only you and I know
of this promise.
And I think you've done
pretty well on both of them.
Wrong.
I've done tremendously
well at running this hotel.
We've turned a profit every
year I've been at the helm,
went from having 21 hotels
in 12 countries to having
49 hotels in 37 countries.
It's amazing.
And Mr. Warren, I just--
I have an idea--
But I've failed at you.
I see a lot of potential in you,
but you get in your own way.
You lack discipline, you
lack focus, motivation.
The list goes on.
Look, that's
not entirely true.
These are facts
not open for debate.
I'm bored.
I need more to do.
I need more responsibility.
And I'm very capable
of having it.
I agree, so I'm going
to try to motivate you.
What exactly does that mean?
I'm going away for four
weeks to Sri Lanka with my wife
on a yoga retreat.
She thinks I work too
hard, and so she's worried.
Ever since I had that
heartburn last year
she thought was a
heart attack, she
hasn't been able to move on.
So we will go to a spiritual
retreat, vegan, possibly
nudist, and I just
hope I still have
the tree-hugging days in me.
I'm there.
I would love to
go with you guys.
I want you to be in charge
of this office while I'm gone.
You're a free spirit.
I'm a free spirit.
And I think you can handle it.
Plus, I don't
really trust Kevin.
Wait, so you're asking
me to run this hotel.
Would you send
Kevin in, please?
OK.
Sir, I--
Don't speak.
Yes, sir.
While I'm gone, Mr. Palazzo
will be my personal bridge
between Sri Lanka and New York.
Mr. Warren, um,
Dumpty is not qualified.
That's "Mr. Palazzo" to you.
Mr. Warren, Mr. Palazzo is
not qualified to run a mile
around a high school track.
He's not qualified to run a
taco stand, to run a fever,
to run amok.
No offense.
I am not interested
in your perspective
on this, Mr. Hargrove.
For the next month,
Mr. Palazzo will
no longer be working for you.
You two will work together.
Mr. Warren!
Is that understood?
Mr. Warren, I cannot
stress what a bad idea--
Is that understood?
Yes, sir.
You will have access
to the corporate account,
which you will only use
for corporate affairs.
Is that understood?
You will have access to the
company car, which you will
only use for company matters.
Is that understood?
Yes.
You will work
out of my office,
but you will not be making
any decisions major or minor.
Is that understood?
Yes.
This is your opportunity
to show I should
take you seriously, Andy.
Is that understood?
Yes.
Mr. Hargrove, Mr.
Palazzo, make it work.
Namaste to you both.
Namaste.
Mr. Warren, before you go,
I just want to say thank you.
And I know if my
dad were here too,
he'd say thank you as well.
You're welcome, Andy.
I'm not gonna let you down.
I am counting on that.
I'm so sorry.
I--
Don't be.
It happens.
I'm sorry I have to do this.
It's just our policy.
You know, actually, we're
having a recession special.
One free drink for every
decline credit card.
Thank you.
It's actually my reversary.
I thought I've heard it
all, but what's a reversary?
It should have been my
anniversary, but it's not.
Because my ex decided
to go to Hooters,
get a plate of hot wings and
a slutty waitress on the side.
I'm sorry, hon.
I'm just gonna down this.
Please don't judge me.
It's a British thing.
OK.
Here, just have--
That would be great.
That would be great.
Sasha, I'm contemplating
bankruptcy.
Seriously, all my
cards are maxed out.
Oh, well, let's
see what Miss Jessica
DeBenedetto has to say about
filing chapter 11, shall we?
OK.
OK, let's see here.
"Never date down."
Blah, blah, blah.
"In any capacity.
If you do, he or she
will bring you down,
down to their
financial class, down
to their stage of
emotional development,
down to their lack
of confidence."
Wow, Jesus.
What is her next book gonna say?
"Men are like coffee
and chocolate,
and they taste better rich?"
I mean, what's the plan here?
You're gonna, like, find
some sugar daddy who
has an abundance of
self-confidence and an
amazing emotional development?
Yeah, why not?
Oh, because, I don't know,
what about, like, chemistry,
and passion, and love?
Ugh, stop it.
Oh, sorry, Miss Shallow.
Yeah, I forgot.
What was the plan again?
Climbing social status, seven
figure bank account, house
in the Hamptons, and then--
wait, what's the other
thing I'm forgetting?
Private jet.
Oh, yes, the very, very
important private jet.
I've always wanted
a private jet.
Is that too much to ask?
Why don't you start
with something smaller?
Like, stop spending
and start thinking.
Stop washing hair and
put that MBA to use.
Do a product that you
love, like write that book
you're always talking about.
And you want to
find your own place,
and you want your
career to take off.
And despite what "Rich
Boy, Rich Girl" says,
you, my dear, want
to fall in love.
Hah.
Yeah.
I cannot believe nobody ever
taught you how to tie a tie.
I feel like Cinderfella
Just relax, OK?
I'm not trying to bone you.
Thanks.
Whoa.
What the heck is it?
That is--
Is that what I think it is?
Do you know how many times
I've applied for one of those?
Even I don't make
enough money for that.
You're like a millionaire.
Yeah, but apparently
not millionaire enough.
What the hell are
you doing with it?
It's the company card.
I use it for company expenses.
That's very admirable of you.
Don't Andy it up.
What the hell is this?
I thought I was the only one
man enough to get a mani-pedi.
Pedi
Why are you always
just grabbing stuff?
That's what I do.
It's something that my future
wife dropped at the hotel.
Your future wife?
Really?
Have you even taken her out?
Not yet.
Uh-huh. so you're
stalking her.
No, I'm-- I'm I'm wooing her.
By stalking her.
No, by politely courting her.
How does one politely
court another, exactly?
Flowers.
This isn't the '80s, kid.
Come on, these days we need
a little more than flowers.
Like a limousine or a
nice dinner, maybe a show?
Really?
Really.
Uh, I can't.
You can.
Yeah, I shouldn't.
But you will.
Hayley.
- Shh.
- Not here.
You're right there.
- I can see you.
- No, no, no, I'm not.
He's gonna come in.
He's gonna come in.
Hi.
Hi.
Maybe you can help me out.
I'm looking for Hayley.
Is she here?
Um, excuse me.
Oh no, do your thing.
Hayley's in her office.
OK.
You can take a seat.
She'll be with you shortly.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
Thanks.
She loves you.
What?
Excuse me?
Sorry, nothing.
You can just-- you
can go have a seat.
This is stupid.
I'm sorry.
What?
What was that?
Nothing.
I'm talking on the phone.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry.
OK, what the
heck are you doing?
I can't let him know
that I sweep hair.
Is he sitting down?
No, he's breakdancing.
What?
Yes, he is sitting down.
That was a mean thing to do.
I have a favor to ask
you, just a teeny, tiny--
could you-- what size
dress are you wearing?
Absolutely not.
Take this off.
No, I don't want to.
OK, so I can't do 2:00.
Can we move it to 3:00?
Mhm.
Also, Mr. Johnson
wants to invest in one
of your new business ventures.
Oh, fine, but if
he wants a meeting,
you must tell him that
it's a minimum investment
of 100K to get me out to lunch.
I'm just not doing it anymore.
Do we have any messages?
No, your highness.
Delia, what are you wearing?
We have a dress code here.
Place, observe it.
There's a gentleman.
Hi.
Hi.
You found me.
Oh, I'm very resourceful.
Delia, can you
grab me a latte?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Remind me of your name again?
Andy.
And there are for you.
Oh, what are these?
Flowers.
Flowers?
Yeah.
I've heard of those.
So I hope you
don't mind me coming
to see you at work like this.
No.
What exactly do
you do around here?
Just some consulting
here and there
at the other Midtown affiliates.
You know, amongst other things.
You?
Oh, I have a job that's got
way too many titles and hyphens
to fit on a business card.
So.
You impressed?
Maybe.
When When asking
someone out to dinner--
So you feeling spontaneous?
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Confidence is key.
Maybe.
Dictate the situation,
and don't hesitate.
I want you to meet me at
6:00 for a gorgeous sunset,
and, you know, never
ending laughter, and maybe
some dinner.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: You are in control.
You are in demand.
I'm not sure if I can do that.
Let me just check my--
Yeah, I can.
Good.
- Did you even check?
- Yeah, yeah.
Weird that you didn't see it.
No, we're fine.
So good.
See you later, see you later.
OK.
You are late.
Someone needs their hairwashing.
Bye.
What the hell is going on?
I think the coffee is ready.
OK.
Go ahead.
So what does he do?
I think he's some
sort of hotel executive.
Oh, well, that sounds
too good to be true.
Oh, so are his eyes.
When you see them,
you just wanna
take a skinny dip in them.
Easy tigress.
Sorry.
There may also be, like, one
teeny tiny other problem.
He might have a slightly
skewed perception of what
I actually do for a living.
You have got to own it.
Own your status.
No, I know, but Jessica
says to get success
you have to exude success.
You hate the book, don't you?
We're not gonna talk
about that, are we?
No, we're not.
We're not gonna talk about that
at all, because we don't care.
- That's looking pretty good.
- Yeah.
Maybe just a little bit
messier on the top right there.
Can you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.
That's perfect.
OK, so where were we?
She's beautiful,
she's successful?
Oh, she's incredible.
And her-- and her
accent is so adorable.
She says tuh-moh-row
instead of tuh-morrow.
And she's cute, and
she's just beautiful.
Yeah, I think we covered
the beautiful thing.
Listen, this is
starting to sound
a little too good to be true,
so cool your jets there, OK?
There's a little
confidence for you.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: Use good wine
terminology to
handle conversations.
Oaky, creamy, and buttery.
It shows that your wines.
It's hard.
Love it.
It's round.
Velvety textured.
Courtesy of the chef.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
Wow.
Look at that.
Oh, I don't think
you eat those!
Yeah, they're edible.
No, I don't think they are!
Wow, look at the bar.
Ptui.
You know, I'm
really happy that,
um that you found me
as fast as you did.
Yeah, I can be tenacious.
I do have one thing, though.
It's kind of a
little rule of mine.
I don't like to mix work
with my personal life.
I like to keep work as
work and my personal life
is my personal life.
Yeah, no.
I'm the same way.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I mean, running
a hotel is tough.
Yeah, I bet.
So let's do that.
Let's make a deal.
No shop talk while
we're together.
That is quite a
commitment after knowing
me for hardly any time at all.
Yeah, well, like
I said, I can be--
"Tenacious."
Yeah, I got it.
Have I told you
how pretty you look?
And if I say "your
body is amazing,"
would you hold it against me?
I--
That is-- that is smooth.
I snuck it right in there.
Did-- did you research that?
Did you google it?
I did.
You did?
Yeah, I went "cube
functional pick up."
That's what you typed in?
Yeah.
Can I tell you what
I'm thinking about?
A little bit closer than that.
The maitre d' is
really freaking me out.
Shoo-shoo.
It's not hard to fall
It's too easy to break
So I'll keep on
pretending that you're not
perfect for me
as long as it takes
It's not all my fault
I know you feel the same
But we can't be
the just friends we've just
been trying to be
I know it's too late
Thanks.
I would invite you up, but--
But?
I gave up being
a slut for Lent.
Ah, so you're not a
slut and you honor Lent?
Yeah.
Thank you for wasting my time.
Have a good night.
No, you know I wouldn't.
I just have an early
meeting tomorrow.
That's fine.
No, me too.
I gotta go straight back to the
office to handle a few things.
So until next time?
Yes.
Until the next time.
OK.
Good night, Princess.
Good night, Fair Rita.
We've built
around our hearts
Broken fences mend
Second chances start
A new life
Huh?
You see?
That's what I'm talking about.
That looks sharp?
Yeah?
I don't know how I'm
gonna explain the charges
as a hotel expense, but--
Are you kidding me?
These are clothes for meetings.
And as Mr. Warren's
personal liaison,
it is important for
you to look good.
Right.
I mean, you like
this girl, don't you?
Yeah, she's incredible.
Oh, and I have an amazing
idea for the second date,
by the way.
Excellent.
I'm like a high
class criminal.
Not exactly the look I was going
for, but hell, I will take it.
Oh, I set up the meeting
at the bank to air my idea.
Get out of here.
Come on, come on, give me a hug.
Come on, all right, all right.
You're out of your mind.
No, Keith Grant is
better than John Bonham.
John Bonham was incredible.
Are you kidding me?
When you see him
live, you just--
you just feel it.
This is so beautiful.
Thank you for
bringing me out here.
I-- I have a surprise for you.
We've already had a surprise.
The yacht.
Close your eyes.
Close 'em!
OK.
Can I open them?
Simple
but it's complicated,
conversation underrated.
I could be your open book
when you're call close.
Tell me, is it too
imposing, asking
you to stay till morning?
It's a familiar
feeling we all know.
Now let's roll along and stay
up talking shit all night
and climb the roof and watch
the world we set on fire,
break the rules
and look for things
we shouldn't find inside.
'Cause lately I've
been growing crazy.
I think this might
have saved me.
Exactly what I needed.
I needed tonight, night.
Tonight.
I needed tonight, night.
Exactly what I needed.
I needed tonight.
I didn't know you
couldn't do that.
That was amazing.
Aw.
I wrote it for you.
Did you really?
Thank you.
I'm not using him.
No, not for the nine course
meals, the limo, yacht.
All right, well, when
you get it like that,
you have a fair point.
But Sash, I really like him.
You do, don't you?
That's why I can't
tell him the truth.
Yet.
I can't tell him the truth yet.
Well, it's not
real until you do.
You know that, right?
Oh my god.
What happened to the
Hayley I know, huh?
The one who's a force
of nature, who's tough,
and strong, and confident.
Student body
president, never earned
less than a B in her life, huh?
Where'd she go?
Because Hayley I
know would never
lie about who she
is, about her status,
or how hard she
works for her dreams.
Baby girl, you have got
too much going on inside.
You're better than this.
I just don't know anymore.
Oh my god.
So you got a little
banged up and bruised.
We all do.
Yeah, I haven't
gotten laid in months.
Well, there is that.
I'm gonna keep going.
- Yeah, I'm not.
- OK.
OK.
Fair enough.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Thanks.
So that's basically it.
All I need is the
startup capital.
To cover what, exactly?
Well, I need an
architect for one.
But you don't have the
money to build the hotel.
Well, no.
I mean, I need to
build the model first.
And you would
use the model to?
Show the investors what
the hotel might look like.
You know, so they'll
invest in the build.
A bigger model?
Exactly, you know.
And I need money for--
for market analysis,
and to put the
prospectus together.
And I mean--
Couldn't you sort of
do all this yourself?
Well, no.
Well, I mean, maybe
if I had a computer.
A computer.
You know, and
then, in theory, I
could do some of those things.
Actually, heck, I could
do all of those things.
This is-- this is true.
Honestly, who?
Who doesn't have a computer?
Your main problem,
Mr. Palazzo, is--
Oh, you can call me Andy.
I mean, we're past
that point, right?
I can call you Tom.
No.
Your main problem, Andy, is
that you don't have any assets,
liability, and collateral.
And it would be impossible
for us to give you a loan.
Find someone to bankroll
your startup capital
and get you going.
Thanks for coming in.
When you say "impossible"?
Impossible.
Thanks for coming in.
Great, thank you.
I'm gonna go and take a pen.
Look, the answer is no, OK?
Why not?
Because I don't invest
in friends' businesses.
I mean, eventually the
friendship will suffer
and the business will fail.
My business is not gonna fail.
Why don't you ask Mr. Warner?
It's Mr. Warren, and
no, he's already done
way too much for me already.
You've got nothing to lose.
Besides, he might like it.
I mean, it's a good idea.
It's just all about
the presentation.
I'll tell you what I will do.
I've got the complete
Adobe Suite--
Photoshop, Illustrator.
Everything you need to make
a kickass presentation.
I'll help you with that.
You can use my computer.
Computer?
I want you to invest
in the company.
I want your money.
It's not gonna happen, OK?
You can have my
computer or nothing.
Oh, how's Holly doing?
It's Hayley, and she's good.
You guys done the Macarena?
No.
Really?
That must be some kind
of record for you.
No, it's just, it's
different with this one, man.
And it's a mutual thing.
It's just, there's no rush.
You must really
like this girl.
Yeah.
All right, really,
it's killing me.
I'm-- I'm dying.
Hey, you got
plans for Saturday?
No.
I got a couple of
tickets for the opera.
You can have 'em.
The opera?
Yeah, the opera.
Trust me, one night at the
Met and you'll get laid.
The opera.
What?
All right, forget it.
I'll give 'em to someone else.
No, no, no, I'll take 'em.
I'm gonna give
'em to someone else.
Forget it.
- I trust you.
I just-- the opera?
Right?
That's what-- that's
what's gonna turn her on?
That will close the deal.
Yes, I'm heading to
the caterer right now.
I'm taking the corporate limo.
But nothing.
I will talk to you later.
Dumpty.
Dumpty!
Janine!
Janine!
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO
: The opera
is a cultural benchmark, a
sophisticated and elegant
affair.
And although it can be
emotionally overwhelming,
unlike a wide receiver
in the end zone,
try and pretend like
you've been there before.
No.
It's kind of cute.
It's cute.
Well, listen.
$40 million.
That's a lot of renminbi.
So let's just not screw this up.
Bye.
OK, sorry.
Hi.
Hi.
Um, hi.
You must be Andy.
Hi, yeah.
How are you?
Hi.
Um, I know we-- we just met, and
it's not my place to criticize,
but your Cantonese is bad.
Hm, well, then it was a good
thing I was speaking Mandarin,
isn't it?
I was-- yeah, it
was-- it was a bad joke.
So how was the opera for
the first time this season?
Great.
The first season.
It was brilliant, if anything.
Yeah.
Not as good as the Zeferetti
production we saw last year.
The Zeferetti.
Right.
Yeah, I-- l love Zeferetti.
Was
- Really?
- He's amazing.
- You too.
- Ah.
Yeah, especially,
um, Labawama, right?
Labahama is just--
It's stunning.
Unreal.
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe.
Yes.
I so--
I-- we didn't mean to disturb
you, but business call.
What do you do, exactly?
Oh, um, a hedge fund manager.
Oh, so you handle,
like, investments with,
you know, with other people's
money in different fields.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Primarily high risk VCs.
You know, thinking outside the
box type stuff, a lot of it
very cutting edge.
It's not safe.
So that is what makes it fun.
I've heard.
She's important.
Yeah.
Ahem, and you, Andy?
What exactly do you do?
Oh, hotel business.
It's-- it's-- well, it's--
I don't want-- it's a lot.
I mean, maybe if we,
you know, talk later,
I can give you more details.
Um, it's just, yeah,
a hotel business.
OK, well, I--
I'm bushed.
So we'll talk later about
that hotel business,
and you guys just, um, enjoy
yourselves, because I'm gonna--
I'm gonna sleep in your
bedroom, if that's OK?
That's fine.
Anything that you need
is more than OK with me,
because we just want you
to get back on your feet.
Yes, OK, got it.
Yes, uh-huh.
Thank you, OK.
And yeah, you kids need
anything, just help yourselves.
Did sh just say
that we can have
whatever we want in your house?
Did she?
No.
Really?
Her sense of humor's
really, really strange,
but I find it funny.
OK.
I gotta come clean.
OK.
I've never been to the opera.
My god.
That's not-- that's not what
I thought you were gonna say.
OK, but I actually do have
something serious to tell you,
though.
I feel like I've been a little
bit misleading about something.
I don't know who
Zeferetti is, and I've
never heard of him before, and
I don't know if that's his name.
Me either.
What?
No, I just told you that I--
no.
Is the Labahama thing--
is the Bahama
thing a real thing?
I don't know.
I thought you
knew what that was.
It probably is.
Where's the bathroom?
It's-- it's down there.
Down there to the right.
OK.
OK.
Yeah, good.
Yeah.
I like this girl.
I really like this girl.
No idea.
Sorry.
Hey.
I was gonna go get us a drink.
Seven shots
Is that deep enough?
Don't get it.
Seven means more,
gonna be seven tonight
Dirty minds think alike
You ain't gotta
say nothing
We made it to the floor
Now we can't get up
Just move with me
Get loose with me
Fuck your past, girl
Show me what you're
gonna do with it
Come trough with it
Pass through with it
You got some thoughts
I got 'em too
You got me like
oh, oh, oh, oh
Good morning.
Sorry, did I wake you?
No.
How come Sasha's
in all these photos
and you're in none of them?
That's just really--
it's a weird thing.
I just, I don't like posing
for photos, like, at all.
So she just-- she
just stands in for me.
So these are your parents?
Yep, yep.
You don't look
anything like 'em.
Well, it's just--
I think I look like my
grandfather, George.
God rest his soul.
So and this must
be your husband.
No, no.
That-- that's Devon.
He-- he's away on business.
So.
But you'll meet him.
Oh.
So that means you plan on
keeping me around for a while?
I don't know.
Maybe.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a call from Italy.
I gotta take this.
OK.
I'll be right back.
Mr. Warren, how are you, sir?
Are you in a bathroom?
I-- I'm at the gym
on the way to work.
I don't really
care where you are.
I'm worried.
Well, I've been doing the
downward dog all morning,
and all I can think about
is you and why I haven't
heard from you in two days.
Anything I should know about?
No, no, sir.
Everything is-- it feels great.
Have you heard from Roman
about the acquisitions?
No, sir, but I've
reached out multiple times.
Well, light some
fire under their asses.
Get this thing moving.
Sir?
Is everything OK?
Yeah, everything's--
everything's good.
I just had to iron
out a few wrinkles
on a hotel acquisition.
You just acquire a hotel?
I have this idea.
Mhm.
Where I wanna create hotels
that are more like apartments.
You know, instead
of hotel rooms,
where the interior,
the decor is casual,
and instead of room
service, you're
having a fridge in your place
and beer and hot pockets.
And stuff like that.
And the staff, they're
all your friends,
and they're dressed
in street clothes
instead of bellhop uniforms.
And it's just a cool, casual
place that feels like home.
But it just happens
to be a hotel.
Yeah, I wanna call
it "Crash Pad."
It's a bad idea?
No.
No?
Actually, it reminds me
a little bit of something
that I'm working on.
Really?
I want to open
up a full service
bar salon that's more social.
When you say "full service?"
Shut up!
Seriously, you know, like, when
you go to get your hair done
and whatever at a salon,
everyone's chatting
and they're gossiping.
And it's, like, communal.
But when you go to a spa,
like to get a body scrub
or a massage, it's
just so isolated.
So I wanna combine them both.
And I wanna have like
a bar and a buffet,
and I don't know, just make it
like a more social experiment,
I guess.
Kind of like "Cheers,"
but for women.
So what are you gonna call it?
"Community Zen."
Oh.
Oh no.
Do you think I'm crazy?
No, I think
you're zensational.
You see what I did there?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's very clever.
I'm afraid of you.
Good.
Because if your
falling for me half
is harder than falling for
you, then we're in big trouble.
I gotta go.
I wanna stay.
OK, go call a hotel.
You have any plans tomorrow?
Did you have
something in mind?
Maybe.
I wanna take you somewhere
that requires skill.
OK.
We'll see if you're up to par.
Oh, good morning, Princess.
Details, details, details.
Because, like, Grandpa
George, really?
Well, I-- what was
I supposed to do?
I'm not in any of the photos.
Well, whose fault is that?
Well, we did not
think that through.
I did not think that through.
So did we--
did we give the
American a good wank?
Stop it!
Did we?
Come on, spill it.
He was amazing.
It was amazing.
We were amazing.
I mean, the whole thing
was just really amazing
in, like, a lot of ways.
Was it-- was it amazing?
It was amazing.
- Yeah, I'm getting that.
- Yeah.
You know last night
with the opera talk?
Mhm?
Yeah, it was his
first time that night.
Oh, really?
Labawama, my ass!
You're smitten.
I am.
That initial
little pitter patter
of feelings that if we could
just bottle up and sell we
would be millionaires.
Oh, I'm pathetic
now, aren't I?
No, not exactly pathetic.
You're at the intersection
of pathetic and cute.
And I'm happy for you.
But you do know that he
thinks he's dating the owner
and boss of a series of spas.
I know.
What am I gonna do?
Unity
You gotta tell him.
I can't.
You gotta just spit it out.
Every pun intended.
Oh my God.
I don't want to.
Oh, you ridiculous,
petulant little child.
God, whatever.
It's your life.
I'm gonna make us some tea, OK?
And you're gonna
wash the sheets.
No.
No, seriously,
wash the sheets.
- I'll wash the sheets.
- Yeah.
Here it comes.
Ready?
OK, you gotta keep
your eye on the ball.
That's all I know
what to tell you.
OK.
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you guys come and
hang with us at the beach house
this weekend?
Really?
Yes.
Check in with Hayley.
See if she's down with it.
but what about Eva?
I mean, does she-- does
she know what's going on?
Because if we go, then, I mean,
you both are gonna have to--
Lie about your
professional life?
Look, I don't think
she's gonna do that,
but I'll make sure she
keeps her mouth shut.
OK, thanks, man.
Yeah.
Oh, you're not so great at this.
Give me one more.
Yeah, let's go do a
little Putt Putt golf.
Come on, Babe Ruth.
I hate you.
Real skill, huh?
Hell, yes.
Hi, two for minigolf?
Yes, please.
Learn to golf
and to golf well.
Wait, did you just quote--
Huh?
Never mind.
Here's your score card.
Thank you.
You guys are so cute.
- Aw, appreciate that.
- Thanks.
You're cute.
You're cute.
Yes, Mr. Dumpty.
OK, so you can take it.
OK.
So what you're gonna do is,
you are going to move your arms
and your shoulders
together like a pendulum.
OK?
OK.
Gorgeous, velvet, pendulum.
OK, OK.
You got it.
Just watch and learn.
OK.
Yeah, I learned how
to play golf before you
discovered pocket pool.
Just be grateful we're
not on a real gold course,
because the I'd--
I'd really embarrass you.
Noted.
We could--
Yeah, you'll be fine.
Thank you.
Thank you.
There's no way this is right.
Well, with the nine
mulligans I gave you
and the penalty strokes that
I did add because you thought
that getting your ball
lost in the windmill
was penalty enough.
All of that is correct.
OK, that it is.
Traumatized?
No.
Yes.
I just don't think I've
ever been so thoroughly
emasculated in my entire life.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- You're not sorry.
- No.
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Nothing I can't move around.
Why?
- Because maybe I wanna see you.
- Yeah?
Take you somewhere.
Where?
Definitely not minigolf.
Yeah, we won't do
minigolf anymore.
Never again.
No, it didn't
make you look good.
No.
It's messed up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Peter.
How we doing?
Fine.
What you have?
This just came up from legal.
They said everything
is copacetic,
but Mr. Warren would
feel better if--
Yeah, yeah.
I'll Take a look.
Thank you.
Anything else?
I wanna talk to you about an
idea that I've been working on.
An idea?
It's a new hotel chain.
Do you know how much effort
it takes to make a proposal
for a new hotel chain?
To even build one?
I-- I-- I do.
And-- but this is--
this is great.
Look, everyone knows
Mr. Warren sees something
in you that no one else sees.
But that'll take you so far.
It got you in this conversation.
But all due diligence, you
gotta start hustling or this
is how far you're gonna get.
Goodbye, Andy.
Mia?
What?
I was just wondering if you
could give me some advice.
On?
I have this idea about
setting up a spa, like yours.
Well, this should
be interesting.
Go on.
No, not--
I mean, vastly
different to yours.
Like, considerably
different to yours.
But I was just--
how did you start this place up?
Like, did you get an LLC?
Where did you get the
start up funds for it?
You do realize you're
asking your current boss
how to start a
business that will
directly compete with hers?
Oh, no, no.
No, it's just a-- it's
just a hypothetical.
It's not--
Should I start looking
for your replacement?
No, no, definitely not.
Because I'm asking for the
feature, a galaxy far away.
Not now is what I'm saying.
Like, not now at all.
So I really
appreciate the advice.
Have a lovely weekend.
Just not now is--
yeah.
I hope you guys are ready
for an amazing weekend
at the beach.
Andy, thanks for the limo.
No, no, no, it's the
least that we can do.
Honey, did I tell you?
Andy's company is picking
up the limo ride for us.
Isn't that a personal
expense, though?
Is your-- are your
shareholders OK with that?
How many shareholders
is it that you have?
I forget.
Honey, we don't wanna
talk about this boring stuff
when there's a lot of expensive
champagne to be drinking.
Yeah, but no
champagne, no shoptalk.
Let's just sit back
and enjoy the ride.
OK, OK.
Come on in, make
yourselves at home.
Wow, this is your house.
No, technically,
it's our house.
Mi casa, su casa.
So what do you guys wanna do?
I wanna get some sun.
Oh, yeah, you could use
a little sun on that pasty
white butt of yours.
Wow, that view looks amazing.
Listen, why don't you guys
just chill out a little bit,
and we'll go and
have some dinner, OK?
And I have an idea for
tomorrow, so let's go talk.
This guy.
Right?
What?
What, what, what?
You know what.
You're smitten over her.
Not that I blame you.
She's adorable.
You're falling for this girl.
"Fallen."
This is past tense.
Really?
Yeah, that was fast.
I know.
I'm sold.
Good for you.
Somebody is a
little p-whipped.
- OK.
- Right?
Mr. p-whipped over here.
We got Mr. p-whipped
right there.
It's the accent.
It's priceless.
No, it's just--
she's everything I wanna be.
What, like a fraud and a liar?
Wow.
Come on, I'm just saying.
When you gonna
tell her the truth?
I don't know.
I mean, maybe when I
feel like I'm not gonna
lose her when she finds out.
You'll never know until
you tell her the truth.
You're not the first guy to do
something stupid because you
want to impress a girl.
What are you talking about?
Was she looking at me?
Huh?
Oh
Jeez.
Andy, what is going on?
I have left you
over 20 messages.
Call me immediately.
Deep down
in the jungle, where the wild
grass grows high,
where life is a miracle and
they never really ask why,
can I get a ride down there?
Need a bit of action
I know
Take me to the DJ
Show me how
the party goes
You have come too
far away from home
I can't believe you
talked me into taking
dance lessons right now.
You've had a few drinks.
We're gonna have a good time.
Thank God we've had drinks.
You're OK with this?
Are you kidding?
This is awesome.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, come on!
Shake it up into
the night
Shake it up into
the night
Time to dance
my life away
Shake it up into
the night
Remember the days I prayed
for what I have now
Ivy League with old friends,
dreams, and cocktails,
sharing the
tones, the good times
and the best times.
What's in us is stronger than
what's there to defeat us
Oh way oh
And we only get one chance
at this thing called life
Oh way oh
Chase after your dreams
till you feel alive
Ooh, honey.
Come on, we're home.
Hey.
We're gonna step out, guys.
This is us.
OK.
I had a great time,
had a great time.
Have fun.
Thanks for everything, buddy.
Thank you again.
- Come on, baby.
- Good night.
Good night.
I don't want this
weekend to end.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to.
Really?
Have you ever had
a Neapolitan orgasm?
It's always been
on my to-do list.
Well, some would
call it Italian food.
Yeah, I'd like to do that.
Gary.
Take us to Patsy's.
I miss you more and more.
Wow, Italian orgasm
of the soul, indeed.
Oh, but it's not Italian.
It's-- Tony, will you
remind her what this is?
It's Neapolitan.
Chef Boyardee in a
can is Italian food.
Sal isn't with us this evening.
However, I would like
to present to you
both a copy of his latest book.
May our recipes become
your family dinners.
That's so nice of you.
Thank you.
Prego.
Get it?
I crack myself up.
So first communal property.
Come here.
Thank you for dinner
and for this weekend.
OK, I'm gonna go use the ladies.
I'll be right back.
Tony, can I get
the check, please?
Here you go, my friend.
I am sorry, but--
I'm assuming this
meal has nothing to do
with official hotel business.
Am I wrong in that assumption?
What are you doing here?
Just making sure
Mr. Warren knows
that you are not to be trusted.
Now, you would never use the
company credit card, would you?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
That was a mistake.
Um, I'm gonna go
ahead and leave cash.
Thanks.
Give my regards
to your girlfriend.
And I hope you
brought enough cash.
I can't wait for Mr.
Warren to come home.
Limos, yachts,
expensive dinners?
Dumpty, Dumpty.
The point is, you're
in a lot of trouble!
Hey.
Hey.
- You OK?
- Yeah.
Everything's fine.
Are we good?
All set?
Yeah, I just--
why don't you meet me
in the limo, and yeah,
I wanna do one more thing.
OK.
Don't forget that.
I'm not going to.
Hey.
Oh, hi.
Gary, take us home.
Thank you for dinner.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry, come here.
Kevin, good morning.
We should talk.
Not a good day
for you, Dumpty.
Yeah.
I just got off a Skype
call with Mr. Warren and Gina
up in accounting, all those
expenses that you've rung up.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to whistle.
That's not a whistle.
That's not the point.
The card, please?
Thank you.
Mr. Warren would
like you to go home.
And he will deal with
you when he returns.
Kevin, you're not--
I don't wanna hear it.
You can't fire me.
That's correct, but
I can suspend you.
And that's what I'm
doing right now.
Wait.
Just because I--
"Just because?"
Corporate fraud is
not a "just because."
You have always been
a world class slacker,
but congratulations.
You have just graduated to an
epic screw-up and a criminal.
If it was up to me, I would
send you to jail today,
but Mr. Warren insisted that
he takes care of it himself.
But don't fret, Dumpty.
We'll survive just fine
without the lackluster services
of our hotel greeter.
A hotel greeter?
Oh, yes.
And a bad one at that.
What's he talking about, Andy?
Nothing, he's just--
You told me you
were the manager.
Oh, he did?
Oh, that's funny.
That's funny.
Because I'm the manager.
Is that true?
It's-- yes.
You lied to me?
Hayley, wait.
Don't touch me!
OK!
I'm sorry, but you've
gotta let me explain.
Explain what?
Explain what, Andy?
Every single moment that you
and I have spent together
has been a lie.
I wanted to tell
you the truth, but--
But?
But I thought
you would leave me.
OK, I thought that--
No, no, what, Andy?
That you're this insanely
beautiful, successful business
woman, and I'm a loser.
OK, tell me you didn't fall
in love with my AMEX card.
Tell me that you fell in
love with the schmuck who
cries like an
infant at the opera
and accidentally eats flowers.
Tell me that you
don't care that I'm
a flat broke greeter who lives
in a 200 square foot apartment.
I know you would never lie, and
I would never stoop this low,
but I don't think that you
would fall for me if I--
if I wasn't as
successful as you were.
And that was wrong.
But I am in love with you.
I don't know you.
Hayley, come on.
Dress to impress?
Bollocks!
It's gonna be a great day.
A great day.
Thinking tomorrow
I'll see your face
So sad that I let you go
And the memory of your kiss
still hugs me each night
when I'm not with you, baby
Lost is what I feel when
you take me to your eyes
And words cannot describe
as I kiss your lips goodbye
Lost is what I feel when
you take me to your arms
And words cannot describe as
I kiss your lips goodnight
When I kiss your
lips goodbye
Goodbye
Hey, what's going on?
Who are you?
I'm the guy whose
door you knocked on.
I'm Andy.
I'm looking for-- for Hayley.
She lives here.
Yeah, I guess
you could say that,
but she went out with Sasha.
She's not here right now.
I was--
I recognized you.
You-- you're the guy from
the pictures in her room.
I'm Devon.
Oh, I know exactly--
all right, cool.
I know who you are.
She's gonna be back
in a little bit.
You wanna come in?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on in, man.
Come in.
OK.
Yeah.
So it's poker night.
Make yourself comfortable.
Have a seat.
Oh, I don't wanna--
This is Doc, Dopito,
Bashful, and Grumpy.
Why do I gotta be Dopito?
Because you look
like a Mexican.
That's a little racist.
That's-- that sounds
a little racist to me.
- This is Hayley's friend--
- Andy.
Andy.
Nice shirt, man.
Who's Hayley?
Freeloader who lives
in Sasha's closet.
Let's be nice, all right.
Helping out a friend, thank you.
I-- sure.
Why did he just say that?
We're all a little banged up.
Who knows what he
says half the time.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, can we smoke in here?
No, I told you that like
a couple of months ago.
You want Sasha to freak?
Well, how am I
supposed to play poker
and drink without smoking?
My apartment, my rules.
Hey, what do you mean?
So with Haley, I think
that maybe if you just
give it a little bit of time--
Honestly, this-- this--
I mean, this sucks.
Next time, we're not
gonna play at your place,
because is like a nunnery.
But he keeps
saying "your place."
This is a place
where nuns are made.
Don't worry about it.
First of all, it's also
where he met his ex-wife
and buys his weed, so
there we go, right?
Uh, I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, dude, dude, dude,
right through the hallway,
first door on the right.
See, it wasn't so bad.
I mean, the drinks
were really good.
Hey, babe.
Hey, honey.
We have a guest.
So what exactly did you
mean when you said that this--
this is your house?
Andy?
Hi.
Oh my God.
So what do you
mean you live here?
OK, this is when
you spit it out.
It's theirs, OK?
I haven't been entirely
honest with you either.
Why would you
tell me that this
is your-- this was your place?
I don't--
It means I don't exactly
have my own place right now.
And?
And I'm not a consultant.
I'm a shampoo girl.
And a failure, and now a fraud.
Apparently.
So that's good.
Um, poker game over.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry
No worries, no worries.
You'll clean it up.
I'm sorry.
I think it might
be time to leave anyway.
Yeah, sorry.
We were just lying
to each other.
You know what?
I wanted to love you.
And I still wanna love you.
Maybe one day, we
can, but not until we
find the courage to
love ourselves as we
are, and just not someone else.
This is embarrassing.
I'm gonna go.
OK.
Look, it's not the
end of the world, right?
No, I'm just probably
gonna get fired from my job,
and I just lost the girl that
I thought I was gonna spend
the rest of my life
with, but it doesn't
feel like the end of the world.
Well, my point is, she's
never gonna see you again.
Blake, that's my point.
No, I'm-- I'm agreeing
with your point.
I'm just saying she's
not gonna see you
again because you lied to her.
So?
So you don't need to
be embarrassed that you
threw up at her friend's house.
That's not the reason
it didn't work out.
You are just a huge help.
Look, do you even wanna
see this chick again?
You don't even know her.
I just really thought
I loved her, man.
You thought you loved her,
or you loved the idea of her?
I don't know.
Whatever it is, I miss it.
I just wish I would have
never read that damn book.
What book?
Sasha, I think there
was something real there.
Under the lies and all that
deception and everything
we both did, I--
I think it was real.
I-- Oh, God, I must be crazy.
Yes, you are.
But so was he.
And maybe you both
being crazy is why
you're perfect for each other.
If we were perfect for each
other, we wouldn't have lied,
though.
Well, I wouldn't be
too hard on yourself.
You were just, ahem,
following instructions.
Jessica.
Yes.
You know, I think
my copy was broken.
Is there security?
No, no, no.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
I'm leaving.
But thank you for nothing.
Well, I am--
I'm so sorry.
That may have been my
fault. You don't know me.
I'm Hayley.
Hi.
I met you at a book signing a
few months ago, and yeah, I--
I'm pretty sure that--
that was me.
Sorry.
Do you know him?
I do.
Um, he's my ex.
Oh.
Well, your ex didn't
like my book very much.
He burned it, dumped
it on my desk,
and told me it was broken.
Your book?
Was.
Yeah, I-- I see that.
Sorry, again.
We've both been reading your
book and following your advice.
We-- we did do that.
Where we sort of-- we projected
to be successful like we wanted
to be, but we're not really.
Yes, you read it wrong.
What?
It's project success
in business, not in love.
Is there any way you
wanna go get a drink?
I'd love to just talk to you
and maybe get some advice.
You know what?
I could use a drink.
Really?
Yes.
Well.
Yes, and the
first one is on me.
Thank you, because I'm broke.
I don't care that you spent
$20,000 of the company's money.
I don't care that
you committed what
amounts to corporate fraud.
What I do care about is that
I gave you an opportunity
and you squandered it.
What I do care about is
that I saw potential in you
that was never really there.
What I care about is that
I wasted 15 years on you.
Now, you have to find
a way to help yourself.
Help yourself grow.
I can no longer help you.
You're fired.
See yourself out.
Sir, I--
I understand.
I would fire me too.
But I am incredibly
grateful for everything
that you've done for me.
And well, there's
nothing I can say
to let you know how sorry
I am that I've let you down
and let myself down.
I've got work to do.
I'm coming back, but I'm
not coming back as your clerk.
I'm gonna come back
as your partner,
and I'm gonna show you.
Grandma, you are a lifesaver.
Hi.
I'm Hayley.
Nice to meet you both.
OK, so my idea is, is to
combine a spa and a salon.
Conversations said our
mouths did not move
I didn't drink
I think I'm wasted on you
I'm paralyzed and yet
I feel like I can run
Hey
We light the fire when
we pull out the plug
There's no ink
under your skin
Inside the tattoos
lie within
I'm here to stay
Here to stay
There's no ink
under my skin
Inside the tattoo
lies within.
I'm here to stay
Here to stay
Even if I meet
you tomorrow, I'll
be here to wake you
up in the morning
and dance with you until
nightfall yesterday and today
and the day after that
I'll stay with
you tomorrow.
Good nights no end
to good morning
We pick up our love as we
trust fall yesterday
and today
and the day after that
I'll stay with you
The king of hearts has
been dealt on my sleeve.
It is no card without
the hand of its queen
If you're afraid to jump
then how will you ever fall?
There's no shame in
loving this deeply
There's no ink
under my skin
Inside the tattoo
lies within
I'm here to stay
Here to stay
Even if I meet
you tomorrow, I'll
be here to wake you
up in the morning
and dance with you until
nightfall yesterday and today
and the day after that
I'll stay with
you tomorrow
Man, I've been working on
that thing for eight months.
Listen, Crash Pad
is a great idea.
Yeah.
Now that it's out of my hands,
all I can think about is her.
Well, it's been
inspiring, watching
you work on something so hard.
And listen, good things
happen to good people, right?
I mean, you keep your
heart in the right place,
you're gonna get everything.
You'll get the girl and the job.
You deserve it.
Thanks, man.
What are you doing here, Andy?
I would love to
see Mr. Warren.
Come in.
Make yourself comfortable,
and I'll go grab him.
Listen, don't tell him
that I'm telling you this,
but he really wanted you to
come visit for Christmas.
We both did.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I missed it.
Good.
Go sit down.
What's that?
How are you, sir?
That--
Spit it out, Andy.
Yes, sir.
It's your 50th hotel.
And it's my first of many.
I have no time
for games, Andy.
Yeah, I understand.
I'm not here to play games.
Sit down.
Mr. Warren, I
need to apologize.
I know that
you're sorry, Andy.
You don't need to apologize.
I do.
I mean, you've been incredibly
gracious to my family and I.
You've been like
a second father.
You deserve more respect
and more gratitude
than I, obviously,
can give to you.
And I'm just--
I appreciate that, Andy.
Thank you.
Well, shut the hell up and
show me what's in this case.
I'd like to
present to you Crash
Pad Inc by Andrew Palazzo.
And look, I mean, the projected
revenue from the first quarter
is there, and, you
know, if you flip here,
actually it's our-- yeah.
But wait.
There's more.
I'd like you to take a
stroll through the hotel.
I've created an idea to
make a hotel feel like home,
like an apartment.
The interior, it's casual,
it's friendly, it's affordable.
I mean, we have a staff that
dresses in street clothes
rather than bell hop uniforms,
and the refrigerators
are filled with beer and
Hot Pockets, if they want.
And I want a--
I want a home away from home.
That's-- that's thee Crash Pad.
I put my heart into this,
Mr. Warren, and I just--
I feel like it can work.
And I mean--
Scotch?
No, I'm--
I'm off.
Yeah.
A home away from home.
It's very, very risky.
No, Mr. Warren.
I--
Stop.
It's also brilliant.
The hotel VCs are tight-asses.
They don't like to stray too
far off the comfort zones.
So if this is gonna happen,
it has to be outside the box.
Investors with balls.
Well, Mr. Warren, if you--
Sebastian.
Sebastian.
If we're gonna be
business partners,
it's gonna be on a
first name basis.
Sir, great.
Thank you.
Here we are.
To the first step.
To the first step.
Remind me again what
the next step is?
We find a company
to partner with.
Mhm.
Someone who will be the
perfect fit for the spa.
Well, aren't you happy?
No, I am.
I just miss him.
So call him.
You know I can't.
I gotta straighten
myself out first.
If it's mean to be, we'll
find each other again,
but this takes priority.
Good girl.
Nice suit.
Shiny.
Thank you.
Dude, you fart?
That was me.
I'm sorry.
I'm nervous.
Hey, babe.
Nothing.
I am stocking conditioner.
Yes, it's riveting.
What?
They said yes!
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes.
They said yes!
OK.
What is going on
with the screaming?
What is happening?
They said yes!
I don't care who
said yes to what.
Your behavior is
completely unacceptable.
You know what, Mia?
Blow it out of your arse.
Shove it in your face.
I'm out, bitches!
What?
They said yes!
So construction starts when?
A few months from now.
Tonight is just a
groundbreaking party.
You know, a chance for
everyone to meet each other.
I cannot believe
that this is happening.
Well, I can.
Because you deserve it.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
I can't see.
I know.
Good, good, good.
Right here, and right here.
It's beautiful.
That's because it's yours.
Thank you.
Sasha?
Hm?
What's this hotel called?
What is this hotel called?
You know, that is a really--
it's a really good question.
You know, I thought
I'd answered that.
You know what?
You did.
I'm gonna go find
some more liquid food.
Thanks, Sasha.
You're welcome.
What, you don't
remember the name?
Crash Pad?
Yeah.
How did you do this?
With a lot of help, some
good advice, and some bad,
and Mr. Warren.
We like Mr. Warren.
We like Mr. Warren.
When I found out we were gonna
have the space for a spa,
I knew a little someone that
had some wonderful ideas, just
hadn't got the
opportunities yet.
It was true.
Us.
When you said that everything
we ever had together was a lie,
that wasn't true either.
Because the moment you
came through those doors,
I fell in love with you.
I know that could sound crazy--
Shut up and kiss me.
Show me Crash Pad.
OK.
Simple but it's complicated,
conversation underrated
I could be your open
book when you're closed
Tell me, is it too
imposing, asking
you to stay till morning
It's a familiar
feeling we all know
Let's roll on out
We'll stay up talking shit
all night and climb the roof
and watch the world we set
on fire, break the rules
and look for things we
shouldn't find tonight
'Cause lately I've
been going crazy
I think this might
have saved me
Exactly what I needed
I needed tonight
Oh, oh, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
Spend a little
time that's wasted
We can jump into the pool
We can get naked
If you wanna take it too
far, that's where we'll go
Let's roll on out
We'll stay up talking shit
all night, and climb the roof
and watch the world we set
on fire, break the rules
and look for things we
shouldn't find tonight
'Cause lately I've
been going crazy
I think this might
have saved me
Exactly what I needed
I needed tonight
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah
'Cause lately I've
been going crazy
I think this might
have saved me
Exactly what I needed
Yeah
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
Tonight
I needed tonight
Yeah, yeah
I needed tonight