Ricky Gervais: Out of England - The Stand-Up Special (2008) Movie Script
And now, the main event of the evening.
He is co-author of the most successful British comedy of all time,
broadcast in more than 100 countries,
Holds the world record of Internet sales,
and has sold over 7 million DVDs.
He won two Emmys, three Golden Globes and BAFTAs 8.
And now, is the fastest-selling live tour in British history.
So, please, let's welcome on stage
came from London, father of podcast programs,
Rege Engleze fenomenalul the comedy,
Ricky Gervais!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Not too exaggerated, right?
I spent entire budget it.
It's just me and the microphone now.
Not even makeup are not. Incredible.
It is fantastic to be here, at mre city in the world.
Thank you very much.
This is my second night here in New York. I had a few small shows in Los Angeles, but ...
most earnings there I gave the American Cancer Society.
This is better, because you keep all ... money.
We managed to raise thousands of dollars or one hundred pounds, as you prefer.
As to trii in a third world country?
I know what you're thinking. Ricky Gervais Still busy with charity? May tcei!
No more ...
"Fac prea mult". Ba nu, deloc.
"As we gathered last year, only for cancer?"
It does not matter. For what?
"Dan-ne estimate the sum."
Millions ...
Millions ...
And I hope to be welcomed.
Give v spun pole,
If I ever make cancer, I will go into the nearest hospital and have to say,
"Well, I paid for that equipment,
dai chelul wing mic or part of the de-acolo. "
Speaking about small keys nenorocii,
Last year I thin a show for teenagers with cancer.
This?
At the Royal Albert Hall. I thin and earlier, in 2006.
But they called me again last year.
"Inca Suntem bolnavi!"
Athi rezistat ...
There is a nice show.
Adolescents with cancer have free entry.
A a eu sunt.
It brings up to the forefront, lucky them ...
And I can come backstage after the show to meet me.
How great it can be for them.
Much better than to go to Disneyworld, where they can be bad, given their state.
While, you know me ... Maximum.
So thin now show the second time,
I look and I recognize one of them. It was two years ago backstage.
He told me about his illness, and I've signed some autographs you,
And he told me how that turned 18 and how hard it was ...
And I said, that was 2 years ago.
Means that now has 20.
The khan of the of ce naiba adolescent and Inca?
Lying bastard ...
Not lie in respects of cancer, and it hurt when he laughed, but it would be ...
the decision and the IMI continuam spectacolul rdea the rdea, "Da, Razi you ..."
I seethed with anger.
And when I'm tired, I said "Dude, you recognize."
"Ai culise needle comes in 2 of the anus."
"Ziceai c to 18 ani atunci, decision acum to 20."
"Ie, first the Afara!"
i am Chemat Paz ...
Opun ncerca the SA, was slbit give ...
They served, see.
Although they got a little hard at first,
then caught and they ...
Scotei it out! And to room started to boo.
I-am zis, "the Auzi you? Nu vor s-Auda eg nimeni c if SUPARA pe mine."
"Face-te!"
Health all!
It's a big box, right?
Nu M two mare.
But we want to know that is large box, not that I am a dwarf.
I thin a show charity last year for autism.
And like most, my only experience related to autism, until recently,
he was Dustin Hoffman i know prestaia extraordinar din "Rainman".
I recently purchased a new home in London
and neighbors are all walking around there ...
"Salut ..." Bgau i i i nasul, practic.
But I thought, "to be nice to them, for now."
"When I raise my high fence, you can go to hell."
And a couple had a son with autism.
And his mother was talking to me, "Hey, this is Douglas is 17."
"It never comes-out because he has no friends."
So I thought, "This is a good opportunity to show that I'm not just rich that guy on TV
ci khan i am from the Inim aur ".
i am i-spus "IE scale with el."
"-Serious?" "-Da."
So get back on a Saturday and I. ..
She tells me that he likes the zoo.
Which is only one kilometer away from my new house.
The so so ... walking down the street ... by Douglas ...
And he did not take his eyes and his mother all the way, as I was walking down the street.
And his mother to stand on the threshold of the door, making them by hand, crying ...
Finally close the door and go inside.
Eu opresc a taxi, "the cazinou Ducei-tion."
Should you choose and you with something, right? So ...
I entered, he wore a suit and everything perfect, excellent what else ...
Jump to Black Jack table. It is their strong point, do not know why ...
Are brilliant at this game!
I-am zis, "Bine, Doug, St tii cum treaba ..."
"Paiezi two for good and one for evil, understand?"
The zice, "Da."
So I bet ... in a half an hour already lost 1,000 pounds.
i i-am zis, "Douglas, f chestia Hague, Numara crile."
"Tell me when it comes to a good book, two for good ..."
nelegi? i the "Da".
Inca 1,000 lire!
M gndeam, "Ce fel of autist ...?"
Eram derutat.
Am Josh o i l-pe aruncat cteva scobitori am ntrebat "Cates are?" "Nu tiu o."
"Sunt fit! Pot s VAD i had c sunt fit, de-AICI"
Why I stuck with this?
So I went back home and I told her and her mother, "It was a mistake."
"It works like Rainman, but it has nothing to isteime shit."
I know it's wrong ...
I do not like to talk about it, but do a lot of charity shows.
But I mentioned some causes worth more than others.
Leaving the joke aside, obviously deserves attention cancer, autism also
but recently I was asked to give a show of charity for those suffering from obesity.
"Ce?"
She answers me, "For those who suffer from obesity."
Eu...
"I referi the oamenii gra i?"
She answers me, "No, because obesity ..."
Well, actually said ... Because eating.
Tithi, Intre gustri.
IMI zice, "Boal Obezitatea this o."
No it's not, really?
Thiele just you like to eat, is not it?
No it's not, really?
How is that a disease?
Oh, if bolnav sunt ...
The ntreb "that Boal Care?"
i ea-my zice, "and a to totul of taste ..."
"-Totul?" "-Da."
"Nu salt them."
It is not a disease, is not it?
Leprosy this Boal.
May I imagini Jesus in the temple, with all patients in bandages, "Jesus, I fail face!"
"Nu pot m OprI ytd, and grsan her Treia plcint."
Grace and i always look for all kinds of excuses, right?
Spun, "Glanda East." Glanda Nu eastern, eastern lcomie, da?!
"Mari oase East."
Yes, big bones filled with meat and spices.
Complain ... Is their own guilt.
"Oh nu, m Ingra No ... uite, m Ingra No ..."
"Scaunele din avion."
"I'm not big enough for someone like me."
No, they are not.
Because if it is, I climb nenorocii only 12 people on the plane.
"Nu-i just." Ba this!
Aichi behave!
And if we're talking about is just the ticket ...
of the maximum weight of my luggage must be the same as a standard 200 kg?
Both we must toffee up to 32 kg in flight.
No, no, and he has already used 32 kg in Thathi!
Nu this Boal.
I saw a documentary when I was in England, a woman weighing 160 kg.
Because I eat 10 hamburgers a day.
Asta sigur ajut ...
Ten separate table with hamburgers and potato fries.
Ten trips to McDonald's ... Taxi!
Not even walk up there!
Risip of calorii.
A So, as those eating it to stop and jaws tied together.
So I lichidifica 10 hamburgers with fries potatoes per day.
Now eat hamburger smoothies ...
Now not even chew, to consume about 3 calories!
The khan of the, bineeles, May devine i grease.
And I decided to make that thing you Do you stapled stomach walls.
i ezat acolo and sttea to the spital,
very depressed ...
You can not eat one hour before the operation, obviously.
Parul lens, tail ...
naiba l-au tie gasit unde ...
and spun,
"Este or operaie foarte dificil ..."
"I give and singur opiune care to ever-Kai."
Una: Jogging?
Not even walk.
Salata? Nu-Thi gustul place.
Trei: 9 hamburgeri pe zi?
It's a start, right?
Would be an appetizer for her.
We have a few people in the UK and grace.
But you, as in all areas, deinei gold medal and here.
Athi C tiga likely till the Olympics.
Am vzut un episod cu Jerry Springer ...
If Noumea "Jerry Springer salveaz cel never gras om din lume".
Something to be seen.
Deci and spune, "Okay, you s-i salvm viaa acestui tip."
And he has a heart of gold, and just like me.
Deci, ne-pe Arata Tipul Acasa ASTA's the ...
They could not bring him to the studio, and some you were cameramen there.
It comes home, living in a trailer, obviously.
A a was ...
It was the mare ca Masa amorphous ntins Standing pat ...
As if it would be filled trailer.
Arata ca negtit a souffl.
And I. .. was ... I see eyes that unnecessary mass.
i zicea, "Nu vreau s mor, Jerry."
"Nu vreau s mor."
And I felt sorry for him. But I passed.
He asked, "What weighs you?"
and cntrea 450 kg.
450 kg!
What I mean is:
When he weighed in a day and have, say, 200 kg.
Did not think it was that much?
Nu i-a zis ...? "This mult."
For a man ...
Which essentially is a land mammal ...
This mult.
I ate only 8 breakfasts today.
Do not gossip ...
I myself am a little overweight.
Last night someone shouted, "Really!"
And I thought, "It could be that."
It would be great to go to the doctor and he say,
"Nu supraponderal you, and you Doar constipat."
So the-nceput Luam.
Actually, I had to go to the doctor
for this tournament
Say the tournament was just and NY, main, I did and center.
There's nothing wrong with the heart, if you look at the DVD.
Love heart, I love it.
I love America.
Serious.
Serious, m pregtesc scot sound un film.
No, I had to go to a control.
I've been in control for TV before,
where Do you get pulses, "You're right, not to die in the next 6 weeks."
But now the doctor told me to do a more rigorous control than usual.
Providing them higher, higher performances.
I said-they agree, then asked me a urine sample.
A a ca-me dat in a flacon.
I went to the bathroom, I filled it perfectly, and I gave up ...
Inca was cldu ...
No obstacle situaie jenant, nu-i a a?
tiu c and doctor ... I Ca and pipi.
But ... when it is a cold chemical
but when it is hot ...
something biological, you understand what I mean?
It is my body.
It's hot because my body heat.
Some of the heat and probably comes from pu ... understand?
Good, tar and chiar and e ...
I do not want to say that I have a very hot cock but ...
What I mean is that the central temperature starts ...
but then had to go through ...
... Putha. Care ... menine or hot.
Ca on eav isolate.
And where is a short trip, So I lost ...
Nu, this Normala, this mediates ... Nu tiu ...
I do not know. It does not matter. It does not matter.
I 1.76 m, is the proportions.
Bine Este.
Bine Este.
East.
Absolutely normal. There's nothing wrong with it.
I compare it to that. Mine is the only one I saw.
N-am vzut him bait Vreme ...
No matter ...
A and look ridiculous with long dick of a meter, right?
A ridiculously plowed. "Ia-IUF you the scula mea long."
"Arathi ridiculously."
"Arathi ridiculously. Thi-ar cu bine is never a medium."
Whatever the medium size.
Mi-bine ar sta ...
If I have one meter, and to them the car every erecie.
What would be ...
A and lying there without some blood in me, just a dick ...
Is normal. I never thought about that before.
Do not be preoccupied with it. Do not worry, it's good.
Chiar this.
Now I'm worried that you nchipuii, "It's ..."
If I see you naked, I have to say, "That's the smallest dick I've ever seen."
I tell you this.
V-Athi uita: "uite a dezbrcat om."
Chiori you should not ... I do not know what I did and the!
I do not know what I did and the!
Chiori you should not!
Athi spune Decat: "uite one penis. This normal."
This Normala.
And no doctor could not tell you, is under oath So do not you ever switch off.
So I gave ... urine samples ...
Cald of pipi ... Putha
From blood and my penis size average.
I was satisfied, he likes to do that.
i-Apoi zice IMI,
"I Pothi dezbrca the Pana chiloi?"
Bun, m dezbrac the chiloi ...
FIU al naibii!
Au scpat papagalii cuiva.
Deci me-a zis DAC says pot dezbrca la chiloi.
Oh, la varied ...!
One day the white chiloi port.
Or mare pipi leg.
Why not warn me?
"Look, I'll check chiloii Do you later."
I chiloii after you have checked? Maybe the so happens again.
I never ever thought, "It would be good to check my chiloii."
Ever, this was the first time when I had to do a check post-pee ...
So ...
What infact. He checks pee test, will return in a few moments and you will see ...
and a vase-o ...
He saw her immediately and turned and looked to the A. ..
I was trying to hide, pull it to the side, but he pulled back and saw it.
Am i Atins it, Cand mi-zis the sound of you esc.
It was very embarrassing.
Give ... Ce vain povestesc I asta? Ah, the ...
Good, the so happened. Basically I made myself in front of the doctor.
I came home and I told a friend what had happened.
and el imi zice ...
Trebuia s you faci "command" (goals can c ).
Genial!
It would have been much less embarrassing, right?
When he should have thought so, "Oh no, I watered, what to do?"
"From sigur, scot the chiloii."
"This uscat ca IASCA, doctore ..."
Trebuia s m fac "command" !
The commando troops not wearing chiloi?
Gate and they chiloi, right?
Chiloii why not you?
This?
And I'm commando and wear underwear.
I've never heard of such a thing ... I've never heard that phrase before.
The sound Thi Vada it.
Even ...
Definitely one to see it now ...
And Sarma ghimpata acolo or s thi-o pierzi.
Trebuia s m fac "command" ...
Mulumesc.
I'm a little overweight and I, but I never questioned before he became famous.
i nu s mai Vanity acum.
But read it about you. Newspapers need adjectives ...
I can not say the so simply, Ricky Gervais, humorist.
Say something like, "Ricky Gervais, humorist plinu."
Why do you say that? Why?
Why to add something?
You can not be more specific than saying the full name ...
"Ricky Gervais..."
"Cu ce ocup themselves?" "Umorist."
"Ricky Gervais, umoristul ..."
"Grsanul, da, IL tiu!"
A Ziar but numit "Umorist corpolent."
There are full-bodied, right?
There was a photo in two British newspapers last weekend're ...
I caught you some paparazzi in Los Angeles, I stay so,
i a aprut in Daily Mail to News of the World .
And I have asked a question in Picture:
"Este Ricky gravid?"
Is zis sa mai "bucalatul hazliu."
Sounds like the name of a gay porn star, right?
"Uite-l, sose hazliu buclatul you."
Face jogging Odate, iPod cu-ul meu.
Arata bine ...
Paparazzi caught me a full page of the next day,
titlul cu "iPodge" (podgy = ndesat).
La naiba, in puii Mei.
In Fine ... Unde rmsesem?
Ah, yes, all the charities that I do.
I do not want to talk about it, but I ...
One of the great works of charity in which I was involved,
Several years ago, while working at the University of London,
Terrence Higgins was Fund, the largest fund for AIDS charity in the UK.
Was going through the 80's, and yet people still ask,
What's new thing called AIDS?
It is doing well, has gone around the world,
E Global.
Are i ziua ei ...
1 decembrie, Ziua Mondiala Shida.
I do not think you get to have Christmas aura.
Pentru khan ... emanates to the negative energie.
And card companies have missed the opportunity. Usually they throw in everything before them again.
Pothi naked face of rost carduri "Do Rau firewall avei AIDS."
Does not exist.
Or stuff-those who sing a short song to cheer someone.
A suitable song. I do not know which would be suitable song ...
No matter ...
Not always keep this number in San Francisco ...
Oh, mai dad!
However I learned something fascinating while working at Terrence Higgins Fund.
People always learns something new in my sermons.
Tell you something absolutely true ...
The first HIV virus was a combination of two viruses and different
who engaged in dwarf monkeys and created a rudimentary form of AIDS.
Then passed from chimpanzees. Chasing monkeys and chimpanzees sometimes eat them.
A cimpanzei in the evolution,
and because we are able to 98.6% identical to chimpanzees, genetically speaking,
was possible to pass to humans.
And the first person who contacted AIDS installments of chimpanzee meat,
No tiat the deget and healthy.
Although, that's the excuse I would have found it and I ...
You have to come with an excuse when you go to the doctor, "I feel very sorry, Doctor."
"Nu m surprinde"
"E t om care Primula has contracted AIDS."
"Cum m-a fi cu ales pole?"
"DOUA posibiliti ..."
"Unu ..."
"I trgeai eg the spate unui cimpanzeu."
"Eu, unui cimpanzeu ...?"
"I trgeam unui cimpanzeu ..."
"n nici a cat on."
"When the o fi altfel Putuo iau growl?"
"Nu tion, tran ay cimpanzeu of meat and tea-ai tiat the deget ..."
"Aia!"
"Chestia ciopritul cu ..."
I bet that went straight into the jungle and found the chimp that.
"I Nenorocitule-ai dat AIDS."
"THI-AM gives ce?"
"I-ai dat AIDS."
"Thi-am dat a blowjob."
"Am tine AIDS."
"Unde th eu i am Luat AIDS?"
"The lack maimue."
"I mnnc maimue naked."
"I missed the Ori, the gold-or trgeai."
"The mncam."
Give ...
The coolest thing I learned while working for AIDS charity fund
is that it is the best in the world and waving.
This is a really waving and published by Terrence Higgins Fund.
It was published at the university where I worked, in 1999.
i ..
It was adresat populaiei masculine homo,
that still does not protect, and who treated HIV risk like any other occasion.
Admit the existence of the virus, but not taking precautions and.
So this last demographic group was asked where the information enters harder.
On the front is a picture with you some bananas, and write the word "fuck".
No ce Nu ting naked tion ...
In principle a plan with 10 points ...
with health tips for avoiding contracting HIV.
This is the title and the waves.
You will know that you have something good, when you say that's the title ...
Suntei pregtii?
"You know, you should not always do anal sex?"
Bine the E tiut, now?
Think of an old couple in the waiting room at the doctor.
Rsfoind principles Reader's Digest ...
and the Zice, "Ce and auction?"
"You know, you should not always do anal sex?"
"Vezi, Thi-am SPUS eu!"
In principle there are 10 suggestions ... alternative act.
I will read a few.
Numrul unu ...
It's real.
Numrul unu ...
"From what s naked ..." Mereu ncepe the fel, "From what s naked ..."
This puin subtil, nu forces you, give ...
Numrul unu ...
"De ce nu s v masturbai reciproc?"
Gndiiv the horn ...
"Am Noul Flutura , Larry."
"There Zice?"
"Pai s vedem ... You s FACEM a chiar acum."
"Without pulled back from now on.'s Number one ..."
"De ce nu s v masturbai reciproc?"
"Bine ..."
Number two ...
Mereu ncepe the fel, "From what s naked ..."
Number two ...
"Why not ejaculate on his back?"
It naturaleea with that said ...
As if such a prescription. "Why not add an onion ...?"
As if you go to the doctor,
"Buna ziua doctore, sunt homo, i am the relaie of mi-nu sound and team iau AIDS."
"This pot face?"
"Oh, ejaculate on his back!"
Number three ...
Number three ...
I read it all cunoscuilor, and laughed at number one and two,
and when I got to number three ...
Number three ...
"Why not ejaculate in his hair?"
Nu n Par ...
Nu n pair.
Back, for sure.
"Pe spate, you."
"Pe spate. Spate eg You."
"Unde Naib Thinta first you ass nurse? Naked!"
"Nu pe pair, nu!" Acolo! "
"Acolo!"
"I trust you, I put my shower cap."
Nu n Par ...
Number four ...
Never before or after, I found so useful term "eg." (For example) that in the next sentence.
Number four.
"De ce nu ncerci only ..."
Try ... Maybe people think that's a little more difficult, so it's phrased as a request.
Not neurosurgery, next, but put "try".
"De ce nu only ..."
"Why not try to ejaculate into a fruit ..."
" Eg. lubeni? "
As if, without the example of this, the world would be asked ...
"Ce fruct FEL Or nu, nu one ananas!"
"Ce fel of fruct?"
"Trebuie s fie never tans i, there FRUCT?"
- "Ce fel of fruct?" - "Lubeni".
"Mulumesc."
And so on a ...
I want to jump straight to number ten.
Because this may be the best phrase ever written.
i l includ pe Shakespeare, Dickens...
"The Office"...
Mulumesc.
Suntei pregtii?
Number ten ...
I think the guy who wrote those already struggling ...
I think he went to his chief and said:
"Am terminat, reu am gsesc Noua sound of it."
And his chief: "Oh no, we need ten."
"Adevrat?"
"From there, it trebuie zece."
"Am a novelty."
"I Chiar trebuie zece."
"I ejaculated hair in fruit at all ..."
"We have ten, we need two rows of five."
"... Two rows of five, clearly."
"Bottom simetria place."
"Think back to another one, you have a half an hour."
"Intrm the tipar, ..."
She returned to her office where she devised and the tenth, a minute before six o'clock, I think.
Number ten.
Tot cu "De ce nu only ..."
Number ten.
Absolut adevrat. Gata?
"Why not ejaculai both out the window?"
I do not even say if it's on the ground floor window.
"Buna dimineaa ..."
"No, this is number 17, number 19 is opposite ..."
That's why I consider waving and my favorite of all time, thanks.
Distractiv i educativ.
Always trying to educate me.
I've reached the age where I need knowledge.
I feel guilty that I do not know enough.
I had a good education, but I knew to make use of it.
I no longer watch TV degrading. Now that I'm home ...
Privesc ore ntregi pe Discovery Channel i History Channel.
Ore... Discovery Channel, History Channel.
Ask me anything about sharks and Nazis ...
Applause there ...
Not as bad as most people would think.
M refer the rechini.
Nazi tii oribili.
Sharks, great.
O creature extraordinar.
Can detect a fish that swims ...
detects vibrations and electrical impulses through lateral sensors.
He does not need eyes, and contrary to popular faith,
have highly developed vision.
But can feel the smell and taste of the lowest human secretions, blood or sweat,
part of a billion to one kilometer away.
Un rechin fi gsit-o pe Ana Frank uite ...
Nazi tii, catastrofe.
I was in her house is small.
Every day they came, "Come on, let's go."
"Domnule sergent, putem the verification etaj the azi?"
"Nu, nu and nimeni pe-aici, s mergem."
"Domnule sergent, ce e zgomotul wing taste?"
He had time to write and a book to his name Dumenezeu.
If the ends brusc, will continue ... lene .
Not a very suitable subject for comedy, old holocaust!
But I will tell you something about the holocaust.
And put my ass on the line here.
Dar Dupa fend mea ...
I blame Hitler.
He was liderul.
Adolf Btrnul ...
Name That was a little off, is not it?
The SCOS evidena populaiei din.
Nobody today and baptized child Adolf. No Adolf not go to school.
A lot of Brad and Angeline, but no ...
Do not hear the teacher yelling catalog,
- "Brad?" - "Prezent." - "Angelina?" - "Aici."
- "Adolf?" - "Aici!"
I quickly stuff to keep me pose one of the a
No, but people are trying to find excuses.
Zic: "It was prost, u or influenabil, nu to vrut s FACA auction ..."
Cum Adica naked vrut make sound ... asta?
Never zic: "Nu, a fost de influenat filosoful politic, Friedrich Nietzsche."
Because Nietzsche wrote a book that talked about super-humans
said that not all men are created equal.
And Hitler interpreted this wrong and deviated much from the topic.
Think about it, you are a great scholar,
You wrote this thing and receives a call from your Fhrer, who Did say
"Toate bune, Nietzsche?"
"Da, toate bune, this golden ti?"
"I-am Tocmai citit Cartea."
"-It Parere have?" "Mi-a-plcut the nebunie."
"I liked the stuff with man and super man and did not worry us all equal, killing all Jews ..."
"Pardon?"
"I toi Nu na ata temperature in to c toi evreii trebuie omori."
"N-Eu am writing o from the COW."
"I read between the lines ..."
"No ... no, I mean this is ... it's terrible."
"You ... you ... you just do not kill Hebrew, really?"
"Ce?"
"In omort evrei?"
"... Da da."
"Civa ... a pic."
"Cathi?"
" ase milioane ..."
"- Article ase milioane?" "AM-1000-best, the number o SA omor Mai."
"So the No. ase LAsam ..."
"Teribil-Este." "Nu-or fac s ever."
"Coppersmiths China?"
"We remain, but please be more careful in future."
"You fi. Scrii Never vreo cards?"
"From there, I give-and-Thi Teama s spun Despre vorba and there."
"I will not do anything. How is called your new book?"
"My new book is titled: Gypsies - we need them?"
Health.
Aplaudai not that, I should talk about something like that.
It is as if we were at peace now.
Something happens now, in a country called Iraq, a war that is not my favorite.
My favorite is war ...
There are so many ...
Are good for different reasons.
Insulele People Land.
Perhaps Folkland islands. Because we won there.
i ..
It was great, was against Argentina.
Da ... Ciudat.
Go to war against Argentina? Go, why not.
The reason is that the war was artillery.
This means that Argentine guns could shoot up to 9 km,
and the British could shoot up to 17 km.
So do we parked boats ... 10 km away.
Theirs cdeu a great ...
and we cook them.
War is equivalent to the distance Dwarf Holding a hand,
shake it all, and you shoot them and beverages in boas and E, and a
Vietnam, best soundtrack.
World War II, the best final.
That must be the end, she could not continue after such a thing, right?
Always makes its world worries, oh, atomic energy ...
"This harmful efectele Cumulative be resimt i, give ..."
meant the end of a war and that's good.
And I. .. was discovered by Einstein.
i the east a Geniu.
In 1903 in an article or
said that light can be described as discrete particles of energy, whose radiation is unstable ...
What kind of maniac could think such a thing? Seriously.
I'm not a doctor, but I think that's why the crazy and Stephen Hawking ...
... Too much thinking. You understand what I mean?
The universe is expanding ...
"Bineneles, Stephen, normal ..."
Get your day off, exit a little walk ...
Now the "plimbare ' , zic vreau Sa ...
Opens a window ...
"Look at TV, War robots, sure you like such a thing, really?"
The best minds on the planet ...
Lumea zice, "N-ar trebui SA IEI Stephen Hawking."
"Este a Geniu."
Not a genius, is a pretend.
He was born in Oxford and speaks with that accent fake American.
In fact, he is one of my idols.
Not the greatest, the greatest idol of mine is ...
Nelson Mandela.
What man does not? An extraordinary man.
ntemniat for 25 years,
was released in 1990, 18 years ago,
i nu to recidivat.
I think it's on the right track.
This demonstrates that our prison institution operates.
Last year we learned about one of your heroines U.S., Rosa Park.
It celebrated 200 years of the abolition of slavery in Britain last year.
We took a little before that.
No ToTu I, happy.
Felicitari ...
Abolition of slavery did not mean the end of racism.
Racism was rooted in society,
Until the 50 and 60 in England and in America.
And that incident was the spark that triggered the civil rights movement.
A young black woman, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white bus.
The so was the law, but it is saturated. And was arrested for it.
But then, the law was changed.
But it did not stop there.
And has started to hide the places reserved for disabled ...
He spoke with the driver, as he drove ...
Have money for the ticket change? He ass ...
Some people ...
Health.
There are political comedy ...
I used to talk about politics, the young Aram.
At 15, 16 years ago, when I became aware ...
Well, it only does it to annoy the parents, obviously. But ...
I think we flood policy at an early age.
Everything is so charged by politics, morality, the way we live.
It's everywhere, fables, children's songs, sayings ...
I remember when we six years, I had a meeting in kindergarten,
're all coming every Monday of the week, our Turkish ezam of the fish,
and the director came and told us a story.
And every time have a moral that we should think,
and that we would have to make ... the great leaders of mankind ...
Character building ... And take an eternity ...
And he loved it, it was his favorite day.
I remember the story of the two and everything.
And oricelul and oricelul lazy and industrious.
It was summer ... And two were out in the woods and any.
The sun was high in the sky ... Ripple springs ...
There were flowers, fruits were ... Were peanuts.
And I oarecele lazy, crazy run in the sun,
bite of a fruit and discard the rest.
There were a lot of fruit, it will never end.
You get industrious and he oricelul a fruit bineneles but eat it all and put another one the one hand,
for winter. He knew ...
And oricelul lazy fun, sun tan, a little bite and throw the rest ...
oricelul harnic the avertiza: "For the grij, oricel lene, or s Vina iarna ..."
Ce-Thi belt, cap ptrat!
Autumn is coming ... Same story.
Last fruit, chew and throw a little rest,
always relaxed, playing with leaves ...
You did not see him ... If you see leaves CANDU move into ...
he would be under leaves, actually.
Te-ntrebi, Ce-i acolo?
Is the oricelul lazy, under ...
DACA to intra acolo to cum to face if the Discovery Channel ...
L-to beheld oricelul lene pe "Sa-mi bag ...!"
oricelul harnic ...
adunase one of fructe munte, Taia solemn ...
and topori fcuse of CA are taie Lemna ...
Dintr-o crengu the ciob a de Piatra ...
connected with horse hair ...
That way you can cut and stivuiasc firewood.
So ...
Iarna Vine ...
St Altfel treaba ...
The ground is frozen, there is nothing, no fruit, no nuts, no.
There was nothing in the trees.
Not found anything, and was hungry ...
nghease the frig, slbise the tot
Bineneles, and diligent oricelul State's mailbox ...
Pe i-care or construise ...
you ...
Roaring fire ... He seated state, swaying ...
full of Pietricica.
Someone knocks on the door ... Who could it be?
Evidently, now?
It produces the u deci ...
Open ...
Lene was oricelul .
i-i Zice: "You May vrei this?"
"I-I-i and frig and foame."
"I find nothing to eat and feel I'll die."
"Pai, I-am avertizat, nu?
"Ba da."
"Nu never conteaz, intra cu the wine you're mine."
Where is the lesson of morality here?
Do you do the head, and fun, then profii from an idiot.
Terrible lesson for kids, right?
Horrible.
Ne-to SPUS-o p-aia cu biatul care Striga "lupul." O tithi?
Nothing, may I say it again.
A boy ... in the Bible, I do not know ...
Can a naked da n particular, right?
The boy takes care of sheep villagers, that was his job.
"-Ai de grij oile alea, biete." "-Da, bine ..."
Give it cam plictise you.
Would probably fall asleep if they would count.
the ce-trece the main minte? "O s m distrez puin."
the Striga "Lupul, lupul!"
Stenii vin intr-o suflare, "Unde-i lupul?"
And the rspunde: "Nu-i nici a hop." and the ...
The next day, while you are bored and thinking and what you? "To function".
Has little imagination ... And I say, "I'll try again."
the Striga din nou ... "Lupul, lupul!"
"Unde-i-lupul?" "Nu-cal and a hop."
A Treia zi ...
Chiar appear one lup.
Lupul appropriates ...
i the only ncepe Urle, "Lupul, Lupul!"
But villagers do not occur and all sheep eat the wolf.
And we were told that the moral is "do not ever lie."
No, not ...
Moral of this "healthy niciodat naked Spui ACEEE i minciun dou ori."
Din ...
Terrible example for children.
Songs for Children ...
"Jack Jill i deal s pe-au ia suit or galeata s cu re."
"Jack a alunecat i Coroana to a spart ... "
I later learned that it refers to the skull 's.
I figured I fell hat!
" i came from Jill rostogolindu dup self-el."
It is a true fable about two amani century. XVI,
who were climbing in fountain, to escape the prying eyes of the villagers.
Again, what's the moral here?
Do not go with whores for I choose to easta hole.
What can you learn from it some 5 years back?
Niciodat cu nu am neles morala "Humpty Dumpty".
"Humpty Dumpty full ZID fixed cocoat"
"Humpty Dumpty a czut to the spart."
"Toi the slujitorii the CaII mpratului a loc"
"Nu au putut SA-l pe repair Humpty loc."
All I can think is ...
Do not wait cocoat on a wall, if you're an egg.
And again, how can a child learn from this man for 5 years?
Say that a group of children 5 years ...
"Sa nu're cocoat zid pe and DACA you an ou."
"It vrei s Spui sunt one or FLAC? Nu sunt or one."
"There's no sense .... If I am ... There's no egg there."
And even if it were an egg there, it would not make sense.
I-ai spune, "Nu is cocoat eg zid."
And he, "I am an egg, I hear nothing, I have nothing, I have ears, I eye ..."
Nu neleg there drac '... ce? "Nu-cocoat is ..."
"Date nimic Nu Nu ..."
"I have nothing ... I am nothing here ..."
"And I can not climb walls, as you no longer."
Do not send horses to perform medical procedures.
Bineneles that could not stick it on Humpty back together.
They have little dexterity.
I can not sew to save someone's life.
No fingers ... No opposable thumbs.
Do not send ... Trimii to a horse? It is delicate ... An egg?
We have a broken egg, you send a horse? In any case.
If you have a doctor or someone who works at Faberg? Do not ...
We're talking about a creature half a ton without fingers ...
Do not submit such a thing.
A quadruped with ... No, no ...
In any case.
I can not put his ... gloves i You can not wash your hands.
Nu pot ...
nchipuii an egg, gently. Horse comes ...
"GREAT!"
Could ... Nor would think ...
"L-bulit am!" Asta e.
I could not even see. It goes on ...
Ce? Bulit! Asta e.
Do not ... You could never explain ...
what happened.
Do not send ...
And ridiculously ...
If you had to design the perfect device for broken eggs would be a hoof.
"Am nevoie ... Avem one or crpat AICI,-l am nevoie s sparg tot."
Copita!
Copita this perfect.
Do not send a horse ...
No matter you are king or horses.
Do not send ... Clearly not send them all.
It would be chaos.
If it was a horse with a bit of skill,
like ... graduated a year before to be expelled from Harvard ...
" tiu ni ... you chestii rudimentare Bulit! "
"La varied!"
"The Athi-printed tiat plague all."
"Acum the Athi-fcut PRAF all."
What would have happened if we were invadai the French on that day?
And they were all there ...
A messenger comes running, "You take all the king's horses?"
"Sau slujitorii atoned for?"
"Da."
"Francezii-Vin". "-There?"
"Come francezii. Unde sunt toi caii ...?"
"-I-am Trimis s repare an ou." "Tmpit-Idiot!"
"When you add i-ai Trim SA creep un ou?"
If your name is Dumpty ...
nu-thi boteza copilul Humpty.
How to stigmatize him like that?
For a child who already is an egg ...
Shell by shell ...
I bet that was thrown on the wall.
I do not think you can learn something so ...
I do not think anything interesting learn the ...
prini the sau profesori.
I think the most effective are childhood friends.
And you influenaz, you cand and adolescent.
You wanna be that guy cool , or older type.
Luckily I went to a boys school where everyone else was ... idioi.
And one in particular was incredible.
IL chema David Beasley,
and do not know the term politically correct, but he was an asshole.
Gareth character from The Office, is inspired by him. It's true.
So I can imagine you ... Yes, it was just like him ...
Mulumesc.
Aveam vreo 14 ani ...
And the guy came with all sorts of things to tell us, believe in all sorts of ... cretinism.
With confidence, gossip, rumors ...
He came once when I was about 14 years old, and said,
Unbelievable ...
"No t e Candi caught cannibals ..."
A major problem in Reading, where they are.
A ZIS "e t Candi caught cannibals ..."
"Ithi Arata poze porn ..."
"To have a erecie and meat to be more divided."
Ar funciona, adevrat?
They sit there, you cook the pot ...
Fleshy-THI fierbe You ipi "VA Roger M omori number ..."
When he was 15 or 16 years,
went on a vacation with parents
i pus a RAC intr-o cu bere Halba,
because I told him as a joke,
that a drunken crab goes on.
Bineneles Racul necat CA SA.
And when he came back from vacation to tell me ...
"Spui provided prostii, Gervais."
From necrezut ...
Him ..
Here's what he told us once.
I remember I was in biology class.
Enters and says, "I must tell you that ..."
You should not have!
After tell you, I'll Perform that we should not say that.
A zis ...
"Mother asear masturbate ..."
Continue ...
"Eram their la mine in camera ..."
"I was naked, with eyes closed and with the ear headphones, listening to music ..."
As we all know ...
Sting...
Do not ...
I do not know why I said that ...
No I never masturbated music by Sting, I ended discussion.
So stay like this, naked ... eyes closed and listening to music ...
i-a zis, "Am terminat ..."
"And when I opened my eyes, I saw that my mother was and leave you some tea and biscuits."
No need to tell us, right?
Why would I say such a thing?
But let's think about the situation ...
The ICA Gndii-va-sa.
So his mother climb stairs with tray in hand. "He likes tea and biscuiii ..."
"David ... Bun, IA SA Vad ..."
Oh, Doamne ...
The e prslea to meu ...
"Jucndu up to ca maimuic ..."
"A I could go and would not even know that I was here ..."
After ...
A I could put these at the head of the bed ...
" i-ar-maica c you know if the vzut stropindu-tot plague."
Think of you, like your mom to see you're masturbating.
Pet of the air fi i groaznic May.
Mom, close the door!
Mom, give me back the CD with Sting!
And told us funny coincidence, that and he was not involved.
It was true, and it appeared in a local publication.
It was about the guy ... we had 14, 15 years, and it was something extraordinary for us.
Type, I think it was 17,
and caused a scandal just because he was accused of lewd behavior.
i ce-a fcut the ...
A public toalet mers O i ...
has found one of those weird toilets with a hole in the side.
Glorious hole, as he was called.
Nu tiu the cine-a inventat.
Nu tiu cine gndit know, "you're in Ia to ..."
"Imi plac sculele, ursc feele or s or guric fac ..."
"Right here ... And enough of waiting until a dick ..."
and a aprut?!
How the hell you are spreading the rumor? Who invented them?
Film face spear i, "ASTA va funciona ..."
Sa dus cumva unul the Buddha i ...
"Oh, uite, and Gaura acolo."
"It's probably my dick, right?"
Da, this!
So he went to a public toilet
has been waiting there for hours in the string,
waiting for the next hole.
People enter and exit it ...
After all someone enters, the foie and get some time there is a tool ...
He or suggestions ...
What credeai that one to make?
Just because it went there.
To sing a song to her. No, he ...
A break with a nail and get out.
"And you bucuros acum ... and you terminat."
Deci supt ia-o ...
And when they exit it out ... was his father!
We had that in his head for 30 years now and I trii her.
All over the world paste teeth ...
Remove all teeth, and gums out.
Which one to spread rumors in town, however?
"Buna Jupiter, AM acas SAY."
"Ai-avut or zi buna, dragule?" "-Da, l-am vzut eg Tobey azi".
"-It SideA?" "SideA-bine tot ..."
Tell you a story before you go.
Are legtur Buddha cu ...
The first time we moved together, me and my friend about 20 years ago,
Our first apartment was horrible,
in the worst area of London, King's Cross.
Horrible ...
He was on the periphery, very depressing, but both afford.
We had one room with a kitchenette and all.
For our mental health, we moved the mattress next kitchenette.
And this looks like an apartment bedroom.
It has a horn ...
Night stay in a room about this big ...
The mattress came on time, had to push the next wall to fit.
Langa was chiar u , the cam 10 cm.
And lying in bed, I could open the fridge door.
The refrigerator was here, here and sink stove here.
I had no toilet.
Toilet was one common to all tenants and was two floors below.
What do you think could happen at midnight ...
when I passed small business?
SA-I pantalonii crates and are cobor ...
Or should I let go of the sink?
Obviously it. And remember Jane,
20 years ago, almost asleep,
saying, "At least remove the dishes before ..."
Not out. And to raise them to a party and as they make directly into the drain.
Thank you very much. Audiences have been fantastic.
Mulumesc.
Mulumesc.
Mulumesc.
Thank you very much.
Mulumesc.
Not much is required bis in other professions, really?
Dac e ti builder and do-Thi treaba perfect, "the revedere ..."
- "Wine napoi." - "There?"
- "Wine napoi!" - "From here ..."
Well that not everything had knocked pin ...
I mentioned earlier how I want to grow me,
i this adevrat.
i cred ca ...
The Internet is probably the greatest source of information of all time.
This extraordinar.
Online encyclopedia where you can enter ...
the change.
You can not do this in a library, you can not.
Iei or encyclopedias i ... "Ce faci acolo?"
"O modific a pic ..."
Face-te!
There are a lot of pages on internet
people and make their personal pages.
Like, "My name is Rupert, that's my cat, I like to listen to The Cure".
Who the hell cares?
And trivia pages where people put things they have learned ...
Of the kind that wake in the night with chills and think,
"I have to say it all: Chestnut is a nut, is a vegetable!"
But my favorites are random animals.
What is extraordinary.
This page is a net
NUMITOR "Lumea Cunoa o provides a atoned DEB & Jen's."
And I'd like to you're thinking to those who created it.
Itself not by chance, but who and what they did.
What were they thinking ...
Numrul unu ...
"Can you hand a cow to climb stairs, but not down and let them."
Thanks a lot.
M-am i th documentat and adevrat.
A cow can climb stairs, but can not due to lower joints.
But I was thinking the poor who found it on his skin.
"Two Daisy, coboara."
"I bare cobor scrile."
"Two."
"Nu, nu can articulaiile am ..."
"I do not care for your joints, my wife comes in five minutes,"
"Coboar Naib OData."
I think people should know this.
Number two ...
"If you love and a spider repeatedly, it can go bald."
Thank you.
One, what kind of maniac-got to hit spiders?
Dracula's assistant ...
Doi, this asta la Majora pieneni the problem?
Calviia premature?
i worry about it?
Had m gndeam c plcea the-ar, "Chelios Sunt ..."
With those legs, eyes and teeth ... Break, are bald, who cares?
Prestan gives me, I like more.
But it seems that a big problem. Love're a spider ...
Se-ntoarce tummy ...
and toi ceilali pienjeni ...
Of ce of protecie pori Casca?
E fashion ...
Cam Ciudat.
Nu, and doar ... and fashion.
"I know from jos-Pothi aici in Panza." "Nu, or pe cap so thin."
"It cam frig."
"Frig?"
"We are in the guise of the sink. Boiling here."
"Josh-da-oh." "Nu-..."
"Ai Lasat om a s you loveasc, adevarat?"
"No you Prse Cumulative horn belly!"
Number three ...
Sometimes polar bears cover their noses and black during the hunt,
for better camouflage.
E o Buna idea, now?
In addition to nose with a perfect camouflage,
complet albi, Zapada and Alba ...
Approaching the polar steal and a rabbit ...
When you get close, the rabbit is back ...
and Ursula polar ...
As you have realized, however?
CACI this behavioral.
All polar bears stay in an evening, and a circle and place in ...
"Foame Mor ..."
"Every time I steal and ez after a rabbit, looked and then runs away."
"Ca i cum air putea m Vada sound."
"Nu-mi dau Seama."
Oh voce fagil, un iepure, zice:
"Pot eu s thi-spun."
"I beheld Pothi?"
"Yes, I can see where you sit each and how many you are."
"Pe bune?"
"Cum?"
"O-Thi s by palm trees?"
"Hai, spune" he adds.
"Avei nasul negru."
"Nasul and negru ...!"
"I beheld Pothi acum?"
"Nu".
Mulumesc.
Now my favorite.
Number four ...
Muflonii of Montana ...
sometimes, collide head on so hard that they fall hooves.
Can such a thing be true?
E uimitor!
Two Thapa, looks at a female, and one says,
"EA-imi place ..." "-Da ..."
"M you mperechea cu and, probably."
"Nu, I am vzut him Evening Primrose."
"Nu to treaba to merge."
"Give cum?"
"We must alergn one to another very quickly, and to run into head on."
"E o ti if any, the number i the danger?"
"Oh, da ..."
"Two!"
- "Life." - "Give ..."
"Ale-s tale bine."
"I-am inut strns the impact."
" TIAI Despre auction?"
"De ce nu mi-SPUS to the mine?"
"And you inamicul meu ..."
"Leave it. Fell I fuck feet."
Inca a ...
yet extraordinary coincidence.
"We and you were through elephants swimming and 3 km from the coast in the Indian Ocean."
Extraordinary. I did not know that they like to swim in any case the so far from shore, 3 km.
But it's funny how we say it.
"Au Foster principles o i notnd. "
As if it would be illegal.
Paza Coast, "Buna dimineaa."
"Buna dimineaa."
Telefonul like, "Hello?"
"There fac?"
"Nu, overcoming the needle."
That's me in a brcu, Others do not rub him back.
"It easily?"
"Nimic."
"Nu-i nimic , adevrat? "
"We and yard?"
"O minge of Plaja."
"Spune-mi that easily?"
"Nu uita you the the ..."
"It easily?"
"not."
"Da, noi."
"You know how far you're the shore?"
"La 3 km!"
"-Da?" "-Da, da!"
"You know you're not allowed to do that, right?
"Nu Plange ..."
"Give Dhaka No tiai spear ..."
"I told you many times, why do it again?"
"Am the Life."
"Get in the boat now." Thank you very much, good night!
Mulumesc.
Thank you very much.
He is co-author of the most successful British comedy of all time,
broadcast in more than 100 countries,
Holds the world record of Internet sales,
and has sold over 7 million DVDs.
He won two Emmys, three Golden Globes and BAFTAs 8.
And now, is the fastest-selling live tour in British history.
So, please, let's welcome on stage
came from London, father of podcast programs,
Rege Engleze fenomenalul the comedy,
Ricky Gervais!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Not too exaggerated, right?
I spent entire budget it.
It's just me and the microphone now.
Not even makeup are not. Incredible.
It is fantastic to be here, at mre city in the world.
Thank you very much.
This is my second night here in New York. I had a few small shows in Los Angeles, but ...
most earnings there I gave the American Cancer Society.
This is better, because you keep all ... money.
We managed to raise thousands of dollars or one hundred pounds, as you prefer.
As to trii in a third world country?
I know what you're thinking. Ricky Gervais Still busy with charity? May tcei!
No more ...
"Fac prea mult". Ba nu, deloc.
"As we gathered last year, only for cancer?"
It does not matter. For what?
"Dan-ne estimate the sum."
Millions ...
Millions ...
And I hope to be welcomed.
Give v spun pole,
If I ever make cancer, I will go into the nearest hospital and have to say,
"Well, I paid for that equipment,
dai chelul wing mic or part of the de-acolo. "
Speaking about small keys nenorocii,
Last year I thin a show for teenagers with cancer.
This?
At the Royal Albert Hall. I thin and earlier, in 2006.
But they called me again last year.
"Inca Suntem bolnavi!"
Athi rezistat ...
There is a nice show.
Adolescents with cancer have free entry.
A a eu sunt.
It brings up to the forefront, lucky them ...
And I can come backstage after the show to meet me.
How great it can be for them.
Much better than to go to Disneyworld, where they can be bad, given their state.
While, you know me ... Maximum.
So thin now show the second time,
I look and I recognize one of them. It was two years ago backstage.
He told me about his illness, and I've signed some autographs you,
And he told me how that turned 18 and how hard it was ...
And I said, that was 2 years ago.
Means that now has 20.
The khan of the of ce naiba adolescent and Inca?
Lying bastard ...
Not lie in respects of cancer, and it hurt when he laughed, but it would be ...
the decision and the IMI continuam spectacolul rdea the rdea, "Da, Razi you ..."
I seethed with anger.
And when I'm tired, I said "Dude, you recognize."
"Ai culise needle comes in 2 of the anus."
"Ziceai c to 18 ani atunci, decision acum to 20."
"Ie, first the Afara!"
i am Chemat Paz ...
Opun ncerca the SA, was slbit give ...
They served, see.
Although they got a little hard at first,
then caught and they ...
Scotei it out! And to room started to boo.
I-am zis, "the Auzi you? Nu vor s-Auda eg nimeni c if SUPARA pe mine."
"Face-te!"
Health all!
It's a big box, right?
Nu M two mare.
But we want to know that is large box, not that I am a dwarf.
I thin a show charity last year for autism.
And like most, my only experience related to autism, until recently,
he was Dustin Hoffman i know prestaia extraordinar din "Rainman".
I recently purchased a new home in London
and neighbors are all walking around there ...
"Salut ..." Bgau i i i nasul, practic.
But I thought, "to be nice to them, for now."
"When I raise my high fence, you can go to hell."
And a couple had a son with autism.
And his mother was talking to me, "Hey, this is Douglas is 17."
"It never comes-out because he has no friends."
So I thought, "This is a good opportunity to show that I'm not just rich that guy on TV
ci khan i am from the Inim aur ".
i am i-spus "IE scale with el."
"-Serious?" "-Da."
So get back on a Saturday and I. ..
She tells me that he likes the zoo.
Which is only one kilometer away from my new house.
The so so ... walking down the street ... by Douglas ...
And he did not take his eyes and his mother all the way, as I was walking down the street.
And his mother to stand on the threshold of the door, making them by hand, crying ...
Finally close the door and go inside.
Eu opresc a taxi, "the cazinou Ducei-tion."
Should you choose and you with something, right? So ...
I entered, he wore a suit and everything perfect, excellent what else ...
Jump to Black Jack table. It is their strong point, do not know why ...
Are brilliant at this game!
I-am zis, "Bine, Doug, St tii cum treaba ..."
"Paiezi two for good and one for evil, understand?"
The zice, "Da."
So I bet ... in a half an hour already lost 1,000 pounds.
i i-am zis, "Douglas, f chestia Hague, Numara crile."
"Tell me when it comes to a good book, two for good ..."
nelegi? i the "Da".
Inca 1,000 lire!
M gndeam, "Ce fel of autist ...?"
Eram derutat.
Am Josh o i l-pe aruncat cteva scobitori am ntrebat "Cates are?" "Nu tiu o."
"Sunt fit! Pot s VAD i had c sunt fit, de-AICI"
Why I stuck with this?
So I went back home and I told her and her mother, "It was a mistake."
"It works like Rainman, but it has nothing to isteime shit."
I know it's wrong ...
I do not like to talk about it, but do a lot of charity shows.
But I mentioned some causes worth more than others.
Leaving the joke aside, obviously deserves attention cancer, autism also
but recently I was asked to give a show of charity for those suffering from obesity.
"Ce?"
She answers me, "For those who suffer from obesity."
Eu...
"I referi the oamenii gra i?"
She answers me, "No, because obesity ..."
Well, actually said ... Because eating.
Tithi, Intre gustri.
IMI zice, "Boal Obezitatea this o."
No it's not, really?
Thiele just you like to eat, is not it?
No it's not, really?
How is that a disease?
Oh, if bolnav sunt ...
The ntreb "that Boal Care?"
i ea-my zice, "and a to totul of taste ..."
"-Totul?" "-Da."
"Nu salt them."
It is not a disease, is not it?
Leprosy this Boal.
May I imagini Jesus in the temple, with all patients in bandages, "Jesus, I fail face!"
"Nu pot m OprI ytd, and grsan her Treia plcint."
Grace and i always look for all kinds of excuses, right?
Spun, "Glanda East." Glanda Nu eastern, eastern lcomie, da?!
"Mari oase East."
Yes, big bones filled with meat and spices.
Complain ... Is their own guilt.
"Oh nu, m Ingra No ... uite, m Ingra No ..."
"Scaunele din avion."
"I'm not big enough for someone like me."
No, they are not.
Because if it is, I climb nenorocii only 12 people on the plane.
"Nu-i just." Ba this!
Aichi behave!
And if we're talking about is just the ticket ...
of the maximum weight of my luggage must be the same as a standard 200 kg?
Both we must toffee up to 32 kg in flight.
No, no, and he has already used 32 kg in Thathi!
Nu this Boal.
I saw a documentary when I was in England, a woman weighing 160 kg.
Because I eat 10 hamburgers a day.
Asta sigur ajut ...
Ten separate table with hamburgers and potato fries.
Ten trips to McDonald's ... Taxi!
Not even walk up there!
Risip of calorii.
A So, as those eating it to stop and jaws tied together.
So I lichidifica 10 hamburgers with fries potatoes per day.
Now eat hamburger smoothies ...
Now not even chew, to consume about 3 calories!
The khan of the, bineeles, May devine i grease.
And I decided to make that thing you Do you stapled stomach walls.
i ezat acolo and sttea to the spital,
very depressed ...
You can not eat one hour before the operation, obviously.
Parul lens, tail ...
naiba l-au tie gasit unde ...
and spun,
"Este or operaie foarte dificil ..."
"I give and singur opiune care to ever-Kai."
Una: Jogging?
Not even walk.
Salata? Nu-Thi gustul place.
Trei: 9 hamburgeri pe zi?
It's a start, right?
Would be an appetizer for her.
We have a few people in the UK and grace.
But you, as in all areas, deinei gold medal and here.
Athi C tiga likely till the Olympics.
Am vzut un episod cu Jerry Springer ...
If Noumea "Jerry Springer salveaz cel never gras om din lume".
Something to be seen.
Deci and spune, "Okay, you s-i salvm viaa acestui tip."
And he has a heart of gold, and just like me.
Deci, ne-pe Arata Tipul Acasa ASTA's the ...
They could not bring him to the studio, and some you were cameramen there.
It comes home, living in a trailer, obviously.
A a was ...
It was the mare ca Masa amorphous ntins Standing pat ...
As if it would be filled trailer.
Arata ca negtit a souffl.
And I. .. was ... I see eyes that unnecessary mass.
i zicea, "Nu vreau s mor, Jerry."
"Nu vreau s mor."
And I felt sorry for him. But I passed.
He asked, "What weighs you?"
and cntrea 450 kg.
450 kg!
What I mean is:
When he weighed in a day and have, say, 200 kg.
Did not think it was that much?
Nu i-a zis ...? "This mult."
For a man ...
Which essentially is a land mammal ...
This mult.
I ate only 8 breakfasts today.
Do not gossip ...
I myself am a little overweight.
Last night someone shouted, "Really!"
And I thought, "It could be that."
It would be great to go to the doctor and he say,
"Nu supraponderal you, and you Doar constipat."
So the-nceput Luam.
Actually, I had to go to the doctor
for this tournament
Say the tournament was just and NY, main, I did and center.
There's nothing wrong with the heart, if you look at the DVD.
Love heart, I love it.
I love America.
Serious.
Serious, m pregtesc scot sound un film.
No, I had to go to a control.
I've been in control for TV before,
where Do you get pulses, "You're right, not to die in the next 6 weeks."
But now the doctor told me to do a more rigorous control than usual.
Providing them higher, higher performances.
I said-they agree, then asked me a urine sample.
A a ca-me dat in a flacon.
I went to the bathroom, I filled it perfectly, and I gave up ...
Inca was cldu ...
No obstacle situaie jenant, nu-i a a?
tiu c and doctor ... I Ca and pipi.
But ... when it is a cold chemical
but when it is hot ...
something biological, you understand what I mean?
It is my body.
It's hot because my body heat.
Some of the heat and probably comes from pu ... understand?
Good, tar and chiar and e ...
I do not want to say that I have a very hot cock but ...
What I mean is that the central temperature starts ...
but then had to go through ...
... Putha. Care ... menine or hot.
Ca on eav isolate.
And where is a short trip, So I lost ...
Nu, this Normala, this mediates ... Nu tiu ...
I do not know. It does not matter. It does not matter.
I 1.76 m, is the proportions.
Bine Este.
Bine Este.
East.
Absolutely normal. There's nothing wrong with it.
I compare it to that. Mine is the only one I saw.
N-am vzut him bait Vreme ...
No matter ...
A and look ridiculous with long dick of a meter, right?
A ridiculously plowed. "Ia-IUF you the scula mea long."
"Arathi ridiculously."
"Arathi ridiculously. Thi-ar cu bine is never a medium."
Whatever the medium size.
Mi-bine ar sta ...
If I have one meter, and to them the car every erecie.
What would be ...
A and lying there without some blood in me, just a dick ...
Is normal. I never thought about that before.
Do not be preoccupied with it. Do not worry, it's good.
Chiar this.
Now I'm worried that you nchipuii, "It's ..."
If I see you naked, I have to say, "That's the smallest dick I've ever seen."
I tell you this.
V-Athi uita: "uite a dezbrcat om."
Chiori you should not ... I do not know what I did and the!
I do not know what I did and the!
Chiori you should not!
Athi spune Decat: "uite one penis. This normal."
This Normala.
And no doctor could not tell you, is under oath So do not you ever switch off.
So I gave ... urine samples ...
Cald of pipi ... Putha
From blood and my penis size average.
I was satisfied, he likes to do that.
i-Apoi zice IMI,
"I Pothi dezbrca the Pana chiloi?"
Bun, m dezbrac the chiloi ...
FIU al naibii!
Au scpat papagalii cuiva.
Deci me-a zis DAC says pot dezbrca la chiloi.
Oh, la varied ...!
One day the white chiloi port.
Or mare pipi leg.
Why not warn me?
"Look, I'll check chiloii Do you later."
I chiloii after you have checked? Maybe the so happens again.
I never ever thought, "It would be good to check my chiloii."
Ever, this was the first time when I had to do a check post-pee ...
So ...
What infact. He checks pee test, will return in a few moments and you will see ...
and a vase-o ...
He saw her immediately and turned and looked to the A. ..
I was trying to hide, pull it to the side, but he pulled back and saw it.
Am i Atins it, Cand mi-zis the sound of you esc.
It was very embarrassing.
Give ... Ce vain povestesc I asta? Ah, the ...
Good, the so happened. Basically I made myself in front of the doctor.
I came home and I told a friend what had happened.
and el imi zice ...
Trebuia s you faci "command" (goals can c ).
Genial!
It would have been much less embarrassing, right?
When he should have thought so, "Oh no, I watered, what to do?"
"From sigur, scot the chiloii."
"This uscat ca IASCA, doctore ..."
Trebuia s m fac "command" !
The commando troops not wearing chiloi?
Gate and they chiloi, right?
Chiloii why not you?
This?
And I'm commando and wear underwear.
I've never heard of such a thing ... I've never heard that phrase before.
The sound Thi Vada it.
Even ...
Definitely one to see it now ...
And Sarma ghimpata acolo or s thi-o pierzi.
Trebuia s m fac "command" ...
Mulumesc.
I'm a little overweight and I, but I never questioned before he became famous.
i nu s mai Vanity acum.
But read it about you. Newspapers need adjectives ...
I can not say the so simply, Ricky Gervais, humorist.
Say something like, "Ricky Gervais, humorist plinu."
Why do you say that? Why?
Why to add something?
You can not be more specific than saying the full name ...
"Ricky Gervais..."
"Cu ce ocup themselves?" "Umorist."
"Ricky Gervais, umoristul ..."
"Grsanul, da, IL tiu!"
A Ziar but numit "Umorist corpolent."
There are full-bodied, right?
There was a photo in two British newspapers last weekend're ...
I caught you some paparazzi in Los Angeles, I stay so,
i a aprut in Daily Mail to News of the World .
And I have asked a question in Picture:
"Este Ricky gravid?"
Is zis sa mai "bucalatul hazliu."
Sounds like the name of a gay porn star, right?
"Uite-l, sose hazliu buclatul you."
Face jogging Odate, iPod cu-ul meu.
Arata bine ...
Paparazzi caught me a full page of the next day,
titlul cu "iPodge" (podgy = ndesat).
La naiba, in puii Mei.
In Fine ... Unde rmsesem?
Ah, yes, all the charities that I do.
I do not want to talk about it, but I ...
One of the great works of charity in which I was involved,
Several years ago, while working at the University of London,
Terrence Higgins was Fund, the largest fund for AIDS charity in the UK.
Was going through the 80's, and yet people still ask,
What's new thing called AIDS?
It is doing well, has gone around the world,
E Global.
Are i ziua ei ...
1 decembrie, Ziua Mondiala Shida.
I do not think you get to have Christmas aura.
Pentru khan ... emanates to the negative energie.
And card companies have missed the opportunity. Usually they throw in everything before them again.
Pothi naked face of rost carduri "Do Rau firewall avei AIDS."
Does not exist.
Or stuff-those who sing a short song to cheer someone.
A suitable song. I do not know which would be suitable song ...
No matter ...
Not always keep this number in San Francisco ...
Oh, mai dad!
However I learned something fascinating while working at Terrence Higgins Fund.
People always learns something new in my sermons.
Tell you something absolutely true ...
The first HIV virus was a combination of two viruses and different
who engaged in dwarf monkeys and created a rudimentary form of AIDS.
Then passed from chimpanzees. Chasing monkeys and chimpanzees sometimes eat them.
A cimpanzei in the evolution,
and because we are able to 98.6% identical to chimpanzees, genetically speaking,
was possible to pass to humans.
And the first person who contacted AIDS installments of chimpanzee meat,
No tiat the deget and healthy.
Although, that's the excuse I would have found it and I ...
You have to come with an excuse when you go to the doctor, "I feel very sorry, Doctor."
"Nu m surprinde"
"E t om care Primula has contracted AIDS."
"Cum m-a fi cu ales pole?"
"DOUA posibiliti ..."
"Unu ..."
"I trgeai eg the spate unui cimpanzeu."
"Eu, unui cimpanzeu ...?"
"I trgeam unui cimpanzeu ..."
"n nici a cat on."
"When the o fi altfel Putuo iau growl?"
"Nu tion, tran ay cimpanzeu of meat and tea-ai tiat the deget ..."
"Aia!"
"Chestia ciopritul cu ..."
I bet that went straight into the jungle and found the chimp that.
"I Nenorocitule-ai dat AIDS."
"THI-AM gives ce?"
"I-ai dat AIDS."
"Thi-am dat a blowjob."
"Am tine AIDS."
"Unde th eu i am Luat AIDS?"
"The lack maimue."
"I mnnc maimue naked."
"I missed the Ori, the gold-or trgeai."
"The mncam."
Give ...
The coolest thing I learned while working for AIDS charity fund
is that it is the best in the world and waving.
This is a really waving and published by Terrence Higgins Fund.
It was published at the university where I worked, in 1999.
i ..
It was adresat populaiei masculine homo,
that still does not protect, and who treated HIV risk like any other occasion.
Admit the existence of the virus, but not taking precautions and.
So this last demographic group was asked where the information enters harder.
On the front is a picture with you some bananas, and write the word "fuck".
No ce Nu ting naked tion ...
In principle a plan with 10 points ...
with health tips for avoiding contracting HIV.
This is the title and the waves.
You will know that you have something good, when you say that's the title ...
Suntei pregtii?
"You know, you should not always do anal sex?"
Bine the E tiut, now?
Think of an old couple in the waiting room at the doctor.
Rsfoind principles Reader's Digest ...
and the Zice, "Ce and auction?"
"You know, you should not always do anal sex?"
"Vezi, Thi-am SPUS eu!"
In principle there are 10 suggestions ... alternative act.
I will read a few.
Numrul unu ...
It's real.
Numrul unu ...
"From what s naked ..." Mereu ncepe the fel, "From what s naked ..."
This puin subtil, nu forces you, give ...
Numrul unu ...
"De ce nu s v masturbai reciproc?"
Gndiiv the horn ...
"Am Noul Flutura , Larry."
"There Zice?"
"Pai s vedem ... You s FACEM a chiar acum."
"Without pulled back from now on.'s Number one ..."
"De ce nu s v masturbai reciproc?"
"Bine ..."
Number two ...
Mereu ncepe the fel, "From what s naked ..."
Number two ...
"Why not ejaculate on his back?"
It naturaleea with that said ...
As if such a prescription. "Why not add an onion ...?"
As if you go to the doctor,
"Buna ziua doctore, sunt homo, i am the relaie of mi-nu sound and team iau AIDS."
"This pot face?"
"Oh, ejaculate on his back!"
Number three ...
Number three ...
I read it all cunoscuilor, and laughed at number one and two,
and when I got to number three ...
Number three ...
"Why not ejaculate in his hair?"
Nu n Par ...
Nu n pair.
Back, for sure.
"Pe spate, you."
"Pe spate. Spate eg You."
"Unde Naib Thinta first you ass nurse? Naked!"
"Nu pe pair, nu!" Acolo! "
"Acolo!"
"I trust you, I put my shower cap."
Nu n Par ...
Number four ...
Never before or after, I found so useful term "eg." (For example) that in the next sentence.
Number four.
"De ce nu ncerci only ..."
Try ... Maybe people think that's a little more difficult, so it's phrased as a request.
Not neurosurgery, next, but put "try".
"De ce nu only ..."
"Why not try to ejaculate into a fruit ..."
" Eg. lubeni? "
As if, without the example of this, the world would be asked ...
"Ce fruct FEL Or nu, nu one ananas!"
"Ce fel of fruct?"
"Trebuie s fie never tans i, there FRUCT?"
- "Ce fel of fruct?" - "Lubeni".
"Mulumesc."
And so on a ...
I want to jump straight to number ten.
Because this may be the best phrase ever written.
i l includ pe Shakespeare, Dickens...
"The Office"...
Mulumesc.
Suntei pregtii?
Number ten ...
I think the guy who wrote those already struggling ...
I think he went to his chief and said:
"Am terminat, reu am gsesc Noua sound of it."
And his chief: "Oh no, we need ten."
"Adevrat?"
"From there, it trebuie zece."
"Am a novelty."
"I Chiar trebuie zece."
"I ejaculated hair in fruit at all ..."
"We have ten, we need two rows of five."
"... Two rows of five, clearly."
"Bottom simetria place."
"Think back to another one, you have a half an hour."
"Intrm the tipar, ..."
She returned to her office where she devised and the tenth, a minute before six o'clock, I think.
Number ten.
Tot cu "De ce nu only ..."
Number ten.
Absolut adevrat. Gata?
"Why not ejaculai both out the window?"
I do not even say if it's on the ground floor window.
"Buna dimineaa ..."
"No, this is number 17, number 19 is opposite ..."
That's why I consider waving and my favorite of all time, thanks.
Distractiv i educativ.
Always trying to educate me.
I've reached the age where I need knowledge.
I feel guilty that I do not know enough.
I had a good education, but I knew to make use of it.
I no longer watch TV degrading. Now that I'm home ...
Privesc ore ntregi pe Discovery Channel i History Channel.
Ore... Discovery Channel, History Channel.
Ask me anything about sharks and Nazis ...
Applause there ...
Not as bad as most people would think.
M refer the rechini.
Nazi tii oribili.
Sharks, great.
O creature extraordinar.
Can detect a fish that swims ...
detects vibrations and electrical impulses through lateral sensors.
He does not need eyes, and contrary to popular faith,
have highly developed vision.
But can feel the smell and taste of the lowest human secretions, blood or sweat,
part of a billion to one kilometer away.
Un rechin fi gsit-o pe Ana Frank uite ...
Nazi tii, catastrofe.
I was in her house is small.
Every day they came, "Come on, let's go."
"Domnule sergent, putem the verification etaj the azi?"
"Nu, nu and nimeni pe-aici, s mergem."
"Domnule sergent, ce e zgomotul wing taste?"
He had time to write and a book to his name Dumenezeu.
If the ends brusc, will continue ... lene .
Not a very suitable subject for comedy, old holocaust!
But I will tell you something about the holocaust.
And put my ass on the line here.
Dar Dupa fend mea ...
I blame Hitler.
He was liderul.
Adolf Btrnul ...
Name That was a little off, is not it?
The SCOS evidena populaiei din.
Nobody today and baptized child Adolf. No Adolf not go to school.
A lot of Brad and Angeline, but no ...
Do not hear the teacher yelling catalog,
- "Brad?" - "Prezent." - "Angelina?" - "Aici."
- "Adolf?" - "Aici!"
I quickly stuff to keep me pose one of the a
No, but people are trying to find excuses.
Zic: "It was prost, u or influenabil, nu to vrut s FACA auction ..."
Cum Adica naked vrut make sound ... asta?
Never zic: "Nu, a fost de influenat filosoful politic, Friedrich Nietzsche."
Because Nietzsche wrote a book that talked about super-humans
said that not all men are created equal.
And Hitler interpreted this wrong and deviated much from the topic.
Think about it, you are a great scholar,
You wrote this thing and receives a call from your Fhrer, who Did say
"Toate bune, Nietzsche?"
"Da, toate bune, this golden ti?"
"I-am Tocmai citit Cartea."
"-It Parere have?" "Mi-a-plcut the nebunie."
"I liked the stuff with man and super man and did not worry us all equal, killing all Jews ..."
"Pardon?"
"I toi Nu na ata temperature in to c toi evreii trebuie omori."
"N-Eu am writing o from the COW."
"I read between the lines ..."
"No ... no, I mean this is ... it's terrible."
"You ... you ... you just do not kill Hebrew, really?"
"Ce?"
"In omort evrei?"
"... Da da."
"Civa ... a pic."
"Cathi?"
" ase milioane ..."
"- Article ase milioane?" "AM-1000-best, the number o SA omor Mai."
"So the No. ase LAsam ..."
"Teribil-Este." "Nu-or fac s ever."
"Coppersmiths China?"
"We remain, but please be more careful in future."
"You fi. Scrii Never vreo cards?"
"From there, I give-and-Thi Teama s spun Despre vorba and there."
"I will not do anything. How is called your new book?"
"My new book is titled: Gypsies - we need them?"
Health.
Aplaudai not that, I should talk about something like that.
It is as if we were at peace now.
Something happens now, in a country called Iraq, a war that is not my favorite.
My favorite is war ...
There are so many ...
Are good for different reasons.
Insulele People Land.
Perhaps Folkland islands. Because we won there.
i ..
It was great, was against Argentina.
Da ... Ciudat.
Go to war against Argentina? Go, why not.
The reason is that the war was artillery.
This means that Argentine guns could shoot up to 9 km,
and the British could shoot up to 17 km.
So do we parked boats ... 10 km away.
Theirs cdeu a great ...
and we cook them.
War is equivalent to the distance Dwarf Holding a hand,
shake it all, and you shoot them and beverages in boas and E, and a
Vietnam, best soundtrack.
World War II, the best final.
That must be the end, she could not continue after such a thing, right?
Always makes its world worries, oh, atomic energy ...
"This harmful efectele Cumulative be resimt i, give ..."
meant the end of a war and that's good.
And I. .. was discovered by Einstein.
i the east a Geniu.
In 1903 in an article or
said that light can be described as discrete particles of energy, whose radiation is unstable ...
What kind of maniac could think such a thing? Seriously.
I'm not a doctor, but I think that's why the crazy and Stephen Hawking ...
... Too much thinking. You understand what I mean?
The universe is expanding ...
"Bineneles, Stephen, normal ..."
Get your day off, exit a little walk ...
Now the "plimbare ' , zic vreau Sa ...
Opens a window ...
"Look at TV, War robots, sure you like such a thing, really?"
The best minds on the planet ...
Lumea zice, "N-ar trebui SA IEI Stephen Hawking."
"Este a Geniu."
Not a genius, is a pretend.
He was born in Oxford and speaks with that accent fake American.
In fact, he is one of my idols.
Not the greatest, the greatest idol of mine is ...
Nelson Mandela.
What man does not? An extraordinary man.
ntemniat for 25 years,
was released in 1990, 18 years ago,
i nu to recidivat.
I think it's on the right track.
This demonstrates that our prison institution operates.
Last year we learned about one of your heroines U.S., Rosa Park.
It celebrated 200 years of the abolition of slavery in Britain last year.
We took a little before that.
No ToTu I, happy.
Felicitari ...
Abolition of slavery did not mean the end of racism.
Racism was rooted in society,
Until the 50 and 60 in England and in America.
And that incident was the spark that triggered the civil rights movement.
A young black woman, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white bus.
The so was the law, but it is saturated. And was arrested for it.
But then, the law was changed.
But it did not stop there.
And has started to hide the places reserved for disabled ...
He spoke with the driver, as he drove ...
Have money for the ticket change? He ass ...
Some people ...
Health.
There are political comedy ...
I used to talk about politics, the young Aram.
At 15, 16 years ago, when I became aware ...
Well, it only does it to annoy the parents, obviously. But ...
I think we flood policy at an early age.
Everything is so charged by politics, morality, the way we live.
It's everywhere, fables, children's songs, sayings ...
I remember when we six years, I had a meeting in kindergarten,
're all coming every Monday of the week, our Turkish ezam of the fish,
and the director came and told us a story.
And every time have a moral that we should think,
and that we would have to make ... the great leaders of mankind ...
Character building ... And take an eternity ...
And he loved it, it was his favorite day.
I remember the story of the two and everything.
And oricelul and oricelul lazy and industrious.
It was summer ... And two were out in the woods and any.
The sun was high in the sky ... Ripple springs ...
There were flowers, fruits were ... Were peanuts.
And I oarecele lazy, crazy run in the sun,
bite of a fruit and discard the rest.
There were a lot of fruit, it will never end.
You get industrious and he oricelul a fruit bineneles but eat it all and put another one the one hand,
for winter. He knew ...
And oricelul lazy fun, sun tan, a little bite and throw the rest ...
oricelul harnic the avertiza: "For the grij, oricel lene, or s Vina iarna ..."
Ce-Thi belt, cap ptrat!
Autumn is coming ... Same story.
Last fruit, chew and throw a little rest,
always relaxed, playing with leaves ...
You did not see him ... If you see leaves CANDU move into ...
he would be under leaves, actually.
Te-ntrebi, Ce-i acolo?
Is the oricelul lazy, under ...
DACA to intra acolo to cum to face if the Discovery Channel ...
L-to beheld oricelul lene pe "Sa-mi bag ...!"
oricelul harnic ...
adunase one of fructe munte, Taia solemn ...
and topori fcuse of CA are taie Lemna ...
Dintr-o crengu the ciob a de Piatra ...
connected with horse hair ...
That way you can cut and stivuiasc firewood.
So ...
Iarna Vine ...
St Altfel treaba ...
The ground is frozen, there is nothing, no fruit, no nuts, no.
There was nothing in the trees.
Not found anything, and was hungry ...
nghease the frig, slbise the tot
Bineneles, and diligent oricelul State's mailbox ...
Pe i-care or construise ...
you ...
Roaring fire ... He seated state, swaying ...
full of Pietricica.
Someone knocks on the door ... Who could it be?
Evidently, now?
It produces the u deci ...
Open ...
Lene was oricelul .
i-i Zice: "You May vrei this?"
"I-I-i and frig and foame."
"I find nothing to eat and feel I'll die."
"Pai, I-am avertizat, nu?
"Ba da."
"Nu never conteaz, intra cu the wine you're mine."
Where is the lesson of morality here?
Do you do the head, and fun, then profii from an idiot.
Terrible lesson for kids, right?
Horrible.
Ne-to SPUS-o p-aia cu biatul care Striga "lupul." O tithi?
Nothing, may I say it again.
A boy ... in the Bible, I do not know ...
Can a naked da n particular, right?
The boy takes care of sheep villagers, that was his job.
"-Ai de grij oile alea, biete." "-Da, bine ..."
Give it cam plictise you.
Would probably fall asleep if they would count.
the ce-trece the main minte? "O s m distrez puin."
the Striga "Lupul, lupul!"
Stenii vin intr-o suflare, "Unde-i lupul?"
And the rspunde: "Nu-i nici a hop." and the ...
The next day, while you are bored and thinking and what you? "To function".
Has little imagination ... And I say, "I'll try again."
the Striga din nou ... "Lupul, lupul!"
"Unde-i-lupul?" "Nu-cal and a hop."
A Treia zi ...
Chiar appear one lup.
Lupul appropriates ...
i the only ncepe Urle, "Lupul, Lupul!"
But villagers do not occur and all sheep eat the wolf.
And we were told that the moral is "do not ever lie."
No, not ...
Moral of this "healthy niciodat naked Spui ACEEE i minciun dou ori."
Din ...
Terrible example for children.
Songs for Children ...
"Jack Jill i deal s pe-au ia suit or galeata s cu re."
"Jack a alunecat i Coroana to a spart ... "
I later learned that it refers to the skull 's.
I figured I fell hat!
" i came from Jill rostogolindu dup self-el."
It is a true fable about two amani century. XVI,
who were climbing in fountain, to escape the prying eyes of the villagers.
Again, what's the moral here?
Do not go with whores for I choose to easta hole.
What can you learn from it some 5 years back?
Niciodat cu nu am neles morala "Humpty Dumpty".
"Humpty Dumpty full ZID fixed cocoat"
"Humpty Dumpty a czut to the spart."
"Toi the slujitorii the CaII mpratului a loc"
"Nu au putut SA-l pe repair Humpty loc."
All I can think is ...
Do not wait cocoat on a wall, if you're an egg.
And again, how can a child learn from this man for 5 years?
Say that a group of children 5 years ...
"Sa nu're cocoat zid pe and DACA you an ou."
"It vrei s Spui sunt one or FLAC? Nu sunt or one."
"There's no sense .... If I am ... There's no egg there."
And even if it were an egg there, it would not make sense.
I-ai spune, "Nu is cocoat eg zid."
And he, "I am an egg, I hear nothing, I have nothing, I have ears, I eye ..."
Nu neleg there drac '... ce? "Nu-cocoat is ..."
"Date nimic Nu Nu ..."
"I have nothing ... I am nothing here ..."
"And I can not climb walls, as you no longer."
Do not send horses to perform medical procedures.
Bineneles that could not stick it on Humpty back together.
They have little dexterity.
I can not sew to save someone's life.
No fingers ... No opposable thumbs.
Do not send ... Trimii to a horse? It is delicate ... An egg?
We have a broken egg, you send a horse? In any case.
If you have a doctor or someone who works at Faberg? Do not ...
We're talking about a creature half a ton without fingers ...
Do not submit such a thing.
A quadruped with ... No, no ...
In any case.
I can not put his ... gloves i You can not wash your hands.
Nu pot ...
nchipuii an egg, gently. Horse comes ...
"GREAT!"
Could ... Nor would think ...
"L-bulit am!" Asta e.
I could not even see. It goes on ...
Ce? Bulit! Asta e.
Do not ... You could never explain ...
what happened.
Do not send ...
And ridiculously ...
If you had to design the perfect device for broken eggs would be a hoof.
"Am nevoie ... Avem one or crpat AICI,-l am nevoie s sparg tot."
Copita!
Copita this perfect.
Do not send a horse ...
No matter you are king or horses.
Do not send ... Clearly not send them all.
It would be chaos.
If it was a horse with a bit of skill,
like ... graduated a year before to be expelled from Harvard ...
" tiu ni ... you chestii rudimentare Bulit! "
"La varied!"
"The Athi-printed tiat plague all."
"Acum the Athi-fcut PRAF all."
What would have happened if we were invadai the French on that day?
And they were all there ...
A messenger comes running, "You take all the king's horses?"
"Sau slujitorii atoned for?"
"Da."
"Francezii-Vin". "-There?"
"Come francezii. Unde sunt toi caii ...?"
"-I-am Trimis s repare an ou." "Tmpit-Idiot!"
"When you add i-ai Trim SA creep un ou?"
If your name is Dumpty ...
nu-thi boteza copilul Humpty.
How to stigmatize him like that?
For a child who already is an egg ...
Shell by shell ...
I bet that was thrown on the wall.
I do not think you can learn something so ...
I do not think anything interesting learn the ...
prini the sau profesori.
I think the most effective are childhood friends.
And you influenaz, you cand and adolescent.
You wanna be that guy cool , or older type.
Luckily I went to a boys school where everyone else was ... idioi.
And one in particular was incredible.
IL chema David Beasley,
and do not know the term politically correct, but he was an asshole.
Gareth character from The Office, is inspired by him. It's true.
So I can imagine you ... Yes, it was just like him ...
Mulumesc.
Aveam vreo 14 ani ...
And the guy came with all sorts of things to tell us, believe in all sorts of ... cretinism.
With confidence, gossip, rumors ...
He came once when I was about 14 years old, and said,
Unbelievable ...
"No t e Candi caught cannibals ..."
A major problem in Reading, where they are.
A ZIS "e t Candi caught cannibals ..."
"Ithi Arata poze porn ..."
"To have a erecie and meat to be more divided."
Ar funciona, adevrat?
They sit there, you cook the pot ...
Fleshy-THI fierbe You ipi "VA Roger M omori number ..."
When he was 15 or 16 years,
went on a vacation with parents
i pus a RAC intr-o cu bere Halba,
because I told him as a joke,
that a drunken crab goes on.
Bineneles Racul necat CA SA.
And when he came back from vacation to tell me ...
"Spui provided prostii, Gervais."
From necrezut ...
Him ..
Here's what he told us once.
I remember I was in biology class.
Enters and says, "I must tell you that ..."
You should not have!
After tell you, I'll Perform that we should not say that.
A zis ...
"Mother asear masturbate ..."
Continue ...
"Eram their la mine in camera ..."
"I was naked, with eyes closed and with the ear headphones, listening to music ..."
As we all know ...
Sting...
Do not ...
I do not know why I said that ...
No I never masturbated music by Sting, I ended discussion.
So stay like this, naked ... eyes closed and listening to music ...
i-a zis, "Am terminat ..."
"And when I opened my eyes, I saw that my mother was and leave you some tea and biscuits."
No need to tell us, right?
Why would I say such a thing?
But let's think about the situation ...
The ICA Gndii-va-sa.
So his mother climb stairs with tray in hand. "He likes tea and biscuiii ..."
"David ... Bun, IA SA Vad ..."
Oh, Doamne ...
The e prslea to meu ...
"Jucndu up to ca maimuic ..."
"A I could go and would not even know that I was here ..."
After ...
A I could put these at the head of the bed ...
" i-ar-maica c you know if the vzut stropindu-tot plague."
Think of you, like your mom to see you're masturbating.
Pet of the air fi i groaznic May.
Mom, close the door!
Mom, give me back the CD with Sting!
And told us funny coincidence, that and he was not involved.
It was true, and it appeared in a local publication.
It was about the guy ... we had 14, 15 years, and it was something extraordinary for us.
Type, I think it was 17,
and caused a scandal just because he was accused of lewd behavior.
i ce-a fcut the ...
A public toalet mers O i ...
has found one of those weird toilets with a hole in the side.
Glorious hole, as he was called.
Nu tiu the cine-a inventat.
Nu tiu cine gndit know, "you're in Ia to ..."
"Imi plac sculele, ursc feele or s or guric fac ..."
"Right here ... And enough of waiting until a dick ..."
and a aprut?!
How the hell you are spreading the rumor? Who invented them?
Film face spear i, "ASTA va funciona ..."
Sa dus cumva unul the Buddha i ...
"Oh, uite, and Gaura acolo."
"It's probably my dick, right?"
Da, this!
So he went to a public toilet
has been waiting there for hours in the string,
waiting for the next hole.
People enter and exit it ...
After all someone enters, the foie and get some time there is a tool ...
He or suggestions ...
What credeai that one to make?
Just because it went there.
To sing a song to her. No, he ...
A break with a nail and get out.
"And you bucuros acum ... and you terminat."
Deci supt ia-o ...
And when they exit it out ... was his father!
We had that in his head for 30 years now and I trii her.
All over the world paste teeth ...
Remove all teeth, and gums out.
Which one to spread rumors in town, however?
"Buna Jupiter, AM acas SAY."
"Ai-avut or zi buna, dragule?" "-Da, l-am vzut eg Tobey azi".
"-It SideA?" "SideA-bine tot ..."
Tell you a story before you go.
Are legtur Buddha cu ...
The first time we moved together, me and my friend about 20 years ago,
Our first apartment was horrible,
in the worst area of London, King's Cross.
Horrible ...
He was on the periphery, very depressing, but both afford.
We had one room with a kitchenette and all.
For our mental health, we moved the mattress next kitchenette.
And this looks like an apartment bedroom.
It has a horn ...
Night stay in a room about this big ...
The mattress came on time, had to push the next wall to fit.
Langa was chiar u , the cam 10 cm.
And lying in bed, I could open the fridge door.
The refrigerator was here, here and sink stove here.
I had no toilet.
Toilet was one common to all tenants and was two floors below.
What do you think could happen at midnight ...
when I passed small business?
SA-I pantalonii crates and are cobor ...
Or should I let go of the sink?
Obviously it. And remember Jane,
20 years ago, almost asleep,
saying, "At least remove the dishes before ..."
Not out. And to raise them to a party and as they make directly into the drain.
Thank you very much. Audiences have been fantastic.
Mulumesc.
Mulumesc.
Mulumesc.
Thank you very much.
Mulumesc.
Not much is required bis in other professions, really?
Dac e ti builder and do-Thi treaba perfect, "the revedere ..."
- "Wine napoi." - "There?"
- "Wine napoi!" - "From here ..."
Well that not everything had knocked pin ...
I mentioned earlier how I want to grow me,
i this adevrat.
i cred ca ...
The Internet is probably the greatest source of information of all time.
This extraordinar.
Online encyclopedia where you can enter ...
the change.
You can not do this in a library, you can not.
Iei or encyclopedias i ... "Ce faci acolo?"
"O modific a pic ..."
Face-te!
There are a lot of pages on internet
people and make their personal pages.
Like, "My name is Rupert, that's my cat, I like to listen to The Cure".
Who the hell cares?
And trivia pages where people put things they have learned ...
Of the kind that wake in the night with chills and think,
"I have to say it all: Chestnut is a nut, is a vegetable!"
But my favorites are random animals.
What is extraordinary.
This page is a net
NUMITOR "Lumea Cunoa o provides a atoned DEB & Jen's."
And I'd like to you're thinking to those who created it.
Itself not by chance, but who and what they did.
What were they thinking ...
Numrul unu ...
"Can you hand a cow to climb stairs, but not down and let them."
Thanks a lot.
M-am i th documentat and adevrat.
A cow can climb stairs, but can not due to lower joints.
But I was thinking the poor who found it on his skin.
"Two Daisy, coboara."
"I bare cobor scrile."
"Two."
"Nu, nu can articulaiile am ..."
"I do not care for your joints, my wife comes in five minutes,"
"Coboar Naib OData."
I think people should know this.
Number two ...
"If you love and a spider repeatedly, it can go bald."
Thank you.
One, what kind of maniac-got to hit spiders?
Dracula's assistant ...
Doi, this asta la Majora pieneni the problem?
Calviia premature?
i worry about it?
Had m gndeam c plcea the-ar, "Chelios Sunt ..."
With those legs, eyes and teeth ... Break, are bald, who cares?
Prestan gives me, I like more.
But it seems that a big problem. Love're a spider ...
Se-ntoarce tummy ...
and toi ceilali pienjeni ...
Of ce of protecie pori Casca?
E fashion ...
Cam Ciudat.
Nu, and doar ... and fashion.
"I know from jos-Pothi aici in Panza." "Nu, or pe cap so thin."
"It cam frig."
"Frig?"
"We are in the guise of the sink. Boiling here."
"Josh-da-oh." "Nu-..."
"Ai Lasat om a s you loveasc, adevarat?"
"No you Prse Cumulative horn belly!"
Number three ...
Sometimes polar bears cover their noses and black during the hunt,
for better camouflage.
E o Buna idea, now?
In addition to nose with a perfect camouflage,
complet albi, Zapada and Alba ...
Approaching the polar steal and a rabbit ...
When you get close, the rabbit is back ...
and Ursula polar ...
As you have realized, however?
CACI this behavioral.
All polar bears stay in an evening, and a circle and place in ...
"Foame Mor ..."
"Every time I steal and ez after a rabbit, looked and then runs away."
"Ca i cum air putea m Vada sound."
"Nu-mi dau Seama."
Oh voce fagil, un iepure, zice:
"Pot eu s thi-spun."
"I beheld Pothi?"
"Yes, I can see where you sit each and how many you are."
"Pe bune?"
"Cum?"
"O-Thi s by palm trees?"
"Hai, spune" he adds.
"Avei nasul negru."
"Nasul and negru ...!"
"I beheld Pothi acum?"
"Nu".
Mulumesc.
Now my favorite.
Number four ...
Muflonii of Montana ...
sometimes, collide head on so hard that they fall hooves.
Can such a thing be true?
E uimitor!
Two Thapa, looks at a female, and one says,
"EA-imi place ..." "-Da ..."
"M you mperechea cu and, probably."
"Nu, I am vzut him Evening Primrose."
"Nu to treaba to merge."
"Give cum?"
"We must alergn one to another very quickly, and to run into head on."
"E o ti if any, the number i the danger?"
"Oh, da ..."
"Two!"
- "Life." - "Give ..."
"Ale-s tale bine."
"I-am inut strns the impact."
" TIAI Despre auction?"
"De ce nu mi-SPUS to the mine?"
"And you inamicul meu ..."
"Leave it. Fell I fuck feet."
Inca a ...
yet extraordinary coincidence.
"We and you were through elephants swimming and 3 km from the coast in the Indian Ocean."
Extraordinary. I did not know that they like to swim in any case the so far from shore, 3 km.
But it's funny how we say it.
"Au Foster principles o i notnd. "
As if it would be illegal.
Paza Coast, "Buna dimineaa."
"Buna dimineaa."
Telefonul like, "Hello?"
"There fac?"
"Nu, overcoming the needle."
That's me in a brcu, Others do not rub him back.
"It easily?"
"Nimic."
"Nu-i nimic , adevrat? "
"We and yard?"
"O minge of Plaja."
"Spune-mi that easily?"
"Nu uita you the the ..."
"It easily?"
"not."
"Da, noi."
"You know how far you're the shore?"
"La 3 km!"
"-Da?" "-Da, da!"
"You know you're not allowed to do that, right?
"Nu Plange ..."
"Give Dhaka No tiai spear ..."
"I told you many times, why do it again?"
"Am the Life."
"Get in the boat now." Thank you very much, good night!
Mulumesc.
Thank you very much.