Ride (2018) Movie Script

Let's get started.
Drive safely.
Hello, James.
You have one new ride request.
Ride accepted.
Let's ride.
As the sun goes down
and the lights come up
on Los Angeles,
you begin to hear
the true voices of the city.
It's 10:06 p.m.,
and this is the Voice of L.A.
WOMAN'S VOICE: In 300 feet, make
a right turn onto Vine Street.
Today what we'll be discussing
is the "big break"
and whether an actor
can have multiple big breaks,
just one,
and is there a time
in our career
where we can miss our shot,
which that big break
is never gonna come again.
WOMAN'S VOICE: In 300 feet,
make a left turn.
In 300 feet, make a right turn
onto Franklin Avenue.
You have arrived.
WOMAN ON RADIO: And thank you
for tuning in with us tonight.
Stay warm out there, L.A.
Hey, Jessica?
- Yeah, that's me.
- I'm your ride.
- James.
- Nice to meet you.
All right.
Where to?
Just when I thought
I'd seen it all
You came along to rescue me
You read my writing
on the wall
You found my bottle
in the sea
Hey, do you want a water
or some gum?
JESSICA: Do they always
make you say that?
They do.
But in your case, uh,
I mean it.
Uh, no. Thank you.
I'm okay.
How long you been
riding with us?
About six months.
I use it a lot between,
you know, not wanting to park
and wanting a couple drinks.
Yeah, that's cool.
I'm not, like, deeply passionate
about it or anything,
but it's nice to think that,
you know, because of what I do,
there's less drunk drivers
out there.
Not that that would be you
or anything.
Well, I mean,
everybody in L.A. drives drunk.
Oh, come on, not everybody.
Think about it.
Try and name
at least person you know
that hasn't made a mistake once.
- Mm.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
See what I'm saying?
- I do. I get you.
- Yeah.
WOMAN'S VOICE: In 300 feet,
make a left turn
onto La Cienega Boulevard.
- Oh, uh, take Fountain.
- Oh.
Mae West fan?
Uh, what... what do you mean?
Well, there's this
great Mae West interview.
Uh, I think it was
Johnny Carson or something.
Whoever it was said,
"What's the fastest way
to get into Hollywood?"
to which she replied...
JESSICA: "Take Fountain."
That's cool.
I like that.
Just when I thought
I'd seen it all
Um, I, uh, I like your suit,
by the way.
What, do you, like, uh,
moonlight as a limo driver
or something?
[LAUGHS] I wish.
It was, uh, for this thing
that I had before this.
A wedding?
An audition.
Oh, so you're an actor.
Unfortunately, yeah.
God, I could never be an actor.
I just...
I can't take the rejection.
See, I just had to realize
that getting turned down
isn't a failure.
Not getting auditions,
that's failure.
So you get a lot, then?
Uh, my agents have gotten better
at sending me out.
Oh, you're repped?
- Mm-hmm.
- By who?
- Uh, Abrams.
- Mm, you fancy, huh?
- Abrams.
They're pretty good.
I'm not... They're pretty good.
There was a dry spell, though,
like six months of nothing.
- That sucks.
- Yeah, it was rough.
But, um, then they kind of
sent me out on this thing.
I think it was, like,
the last Hail Mary pass.
Inches from getting dropped,
but I booked it.
Oh, what?
- Thanks.
- That's so cool.
What, uh... What is it?
Uh, it's no big deal.
It's, like, a guest spot
on "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."
No big deal?
That's a huge fucking deal.
That's so cool.
It's a henchman.
You know, couple lines,
and I took someone's gun.
But still, so cool.
I did start going out a lot more
because of it, so...
In 300 feet, make a right turn
onto Fountain Avenue.
Um, you should, uh,
let me know when it airs.
My roommate, Allie,
is a huge Marvel fan,
and she's just
gonna freak her shit
when I tell her that my driver's
on "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."
as a cool villain.
Well, I was... I was a henchman.
I haven't graduated
to villain yet.
Well, I believe in you.
Continue for three-quarters
of a mile.
Your destination will be
on the right.
Here we are.
That was fast.
Hey, when in doubt,
take Fountain.
[CHUCKLING] Yeah, exactly.
You have reached
your destination.
We hope you had
a safe and pleasant ride.
Hey, can I, uh,
tip you or something?
We're not allowed
to accept tips.
Uh, the app takes care
of everything.
Right. Well, uh...
I'll be sure to give you
a five-star rating, then.
Right back at you.
Wait, the... the drivers
rate the passengers?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, okay.
So what's my rating, then?
I wouldn't worry about it
if I were you.
Oh, okay.
I'm not gonna leave this car
until you tell me
what my rating is.
- It's 3.5. But it...
- [GASPS] Fucking seriously?
- But it doesn't mean anything.
- 3.5? People hate me.
- I wouldn't worry about it.
- Oh, my God.
It doesn't mean anything,
you know?
Well, how do I...
how do I turn this shit around?
Look, you're a five-star
passenger in my book.
And that's all that matters,
- That's all that matters.
- Mm. [LAUGHS]
Well, uh, thank you
for the ride, James.
Oh, uh, you forget something?
So my friends and I
were just grabbing
a couple drinks here.
Very, you know, low-key,
if you want to come in
for a round.
Hello, James.
You have one new ride request.
I wish.
But I got to drive.
- Boo.
- I know.
Okay, well, suit yourself,
but, uh,
we'll be here
for a couple hours,
so if you pick up
a big fare, swing by.
I'd love that.
Okay. Bye.
"Oh, hey,
what's your phone number?
Oh, no, here's my phone number."
Fucking idiot.
Ride accepted.
Let's ride.
Continue on Sunset Boulevard
for three-quarters of a mile.
Turn left.
Continue on
Gower Street for one mile.
Ride canceled.
WOMAN ON RADIO: Loneliness is
an emotional state
that we have when
we're feeling disconnected.
It can cause depression,
and it can even lead
to premature death.
Oh, wow.
We're spending less time
making meaningful...
This is the Voice of L.A.
The time now is 10:45 p.m.
WOMAN'S VOICE: Hello, James.
You have one new ride request.
So your parents went with Bruno?
At least people
seem to like you.
Ride accepted.
Let's ride.
You have arrived.
Uh, hey!
- What's up?
- Are you Bruno?
Who wants to know?
[CHUCKLING] Oh, fuck.
You're my ride.
Of course.
Uh, sorry, man. I didn't think
you'd get here so soon.
Look, shit got a little messy.
Start the meter.
Well, that's... that's not how
this works.
Yo, you're looking sharp, bro.
Is that like
a uniform or something?
Something like that.
Oh, hey, man.
Uh, can't smoke in my car.
Fuck me.
So sorry, brother.
Uh, I'm gonna finish this guy
if that's all right with you.
You can start the meter.
I don't give a shit.
That's actually
not how it works.
Oh, well, fuck it.
I'll throw
some extra cash your way,
make it worth your while.
Can't accept tips, bro.
The app takes care
of everything.
I won't tell anyone
if you don't.
The thing is,
this is a New York pack
so the cigs are really
fucking expensive.
I know you're thinking I could
get the same goddamn cigs here
for half the goddamn price,
but I don't know
what to tell you.
I'm a sentimental guy.
- You want one?
Uh, I'm good, man.
James, please enter
a destination.
Yo, aren't you gonna offer me,
like, a... a water or something?
- Some gum?
- What?
That's what you guys
usually do, isn't it?
Yo, you want a water?
No. No, not right now.
I'm good, man.
Thanks. Maybe later.
Hey, where we going, man?
Straight to business.
I can respect that.
JAMES: LAX? Burbank?
Don't tell me
I got to go to Long Beach.
Yo, what the fuck
are you talking about, man?
It's your bag.
Oh. Gotcha.
No, no, no.
That's a messy breakup.
I'm actually not sure
where I want to go right now.
I just needed
to get away from her.
I'm sorry to hear that, man.
Breakups are awful.
I love you.
I... I know.
Yeah, brother, they really are.
All right, Bruno.
Where we headed?
Your name's James, right?
I mean, that's what
the thing said.
Yeah. That's right.
Ask me again.
Ask what again?
"Where to, Bruno?"
All right.
Where to?
Home, James,
and don't spare the horses!
I couldn't resist.
I'm sure you get that
all the time.
To be honest, uh, you're the
first to make the connection.
Oh. It is kind of my specialty,
making connections.
I could really go for some of
that gum if you've got any.
- What?
- That gum you mentioned earlier.
James, please enter
a destination.
All right, Bruno.
Where you want to go?
Look, I don't want to
put you out,
but would you mind taking me
to a couple of different
places tonight?
It'll be a big fare for you,
and I'll throw some extra cash
on top.
Look, man,
I'm sorry about this,
but I just don't have
a long ride in me tonight.
And like I said,
I can't accept tips.
And like I said,
I won't tell if you don't.
That's nice and everything,
but I kind of got somewhere
I need to be in an hour.
- In an hour?
- Yeah.
My man, you couldn't have made
it to LAX to save your life.
Come on, you give me
a couple hours,
and I will throw $100
on top of the fare.
You need like a minute
to think about that?
WOMAN ON RADIO: And the best
thing about public radio
is there are no commercials.
- That'll work.
- All right.
Let's get fucking rolling.
Now, first,
I am feeling majorly down,
so I'm gonna need
a massive pick-me-up.
Do you know this place Eidobon?
That's "nobodie"
spelled backwards.
- I'm not sure.
- It's the spot off Larchmont.
It's on Beverly and Beachwood,
south side.
All right.
They do this
fucking coffee there.
It's fucking incredible.
- Wait, wait.
- It was started by this guy...
You want coffee right now?
Only way to go is up.
Do you have, like,
a piece of paper for this gum?
Anyway, so this coffee
was started
by this guy with this website.
And he was hiking
in the Himalayas,
and he was on the brink
of exhaustion,
and he met these monks,
and the monks gave him this tea.
And guess what was in the tea.
Yak butter.
Fucking butter
from fucking yaks.
So he gets back to the States
and tries all kinds of shit
to replicate it.
And after months of failure,
guess what the key was.
- What was it?
- Grass.
It had to be grass-fed butter.
This stuff is ambrosia, bro.
Dude made millions
or some shit.
- That's cool.
- You want one? I'll get you one.
Nah, man. I don't... I don't
really drink coffee this late.
It makes you feel weird?
Do you know why?
Most coffee is full of toxins
because the beans
are covered in mold.
But this coffee is lab tested.
They take all the toxins out.
- Mm.
- Right?
Okay, well, we're here.
Um, okay, cool. Let me finish.
Where was I?
They take all the toxins out,
and then they brew it
as a pour-over,
which then they mix it
with the grass-fed butter
and this special
fortified coconut oil.
Dude, if done properly,
I defy any fucking barista
to make a creamier
or more delicious cup of coffee
than the one I am
about to buy you.
- You down?
Dude, you down?
Sure, man, I'm down.
I'll be right back, my brother.
This, is, uh,
seriously yak butter?
You like it?
- I actually do.
- Fuck yeah.
Just wait till you see
how it makes you feel, my man.
Please enter a destination.
Yo, is there a way
to shut that thing up?
It's just gonna keep saying
that every 15 minutes.
Well, that fucking sucks.
All right, Bruno,
where are we headed?
I want to see if I can crash
with a buddy
at Wilshire and Westlake.
Okay, well, I'm gonna
be honest with you.
I have no idea where that is.
Dude, shouldn't you know
this city
like the back
of your fucking hand?
- I can Maps it.
- I'm fucking with you.
East on Wilshire
past MacArthur Park.
I'll be your Sherpa.
MacArthur Park.
Isn't that a little sketchy?
What can I say?
I hang out with sketchy people.
WOMAN ON RADIO: You're tuned in
to 81.3, the Voice of L.A.
- All right.
- So, dude, what's your story?
I mean, what do you do?
I drive for Ryde.
No, that's what you're doing.
Nobody wants to do that.
- Thanks.
- Don't pretend you're offended.
People don't get offended
by the truth.
You gonna sit there
and lie to me,
or are you gonna
tell me who you are?
I'm an actor, man.
Fuck, that's so L.A.
Of course you're an actor.
Jesus, that's awful.
No, no, no. No.
Don't take it like that.
I'm sure you're amazing.
I'm just saying this world,
you know, we take our artists,
and we make them drive our cars.
Stage or screen?
Yo, you just told me you want to
perform for a living.
Don't clam up now.
Well, I went to school
for theater,
but I'm here auditioning for TV.
Commercials. Whatever.
You're a thespian.
Master thespian.
You got any monologues
you can reel off?
- Come on, man.
- I'm not fucking with you.
I legitimately love theater.
And there's never anything
good out here.
- You know Shakespeare?
- I might've heard of him.
- Do a monologue.
- No.
Dude, do a monologue.
I am not about to reel off
a Shakespearean monologue
right now.
That's okay.
I can respect that.
- 50 bucks.
- What?
I am going to pay you
an extra $50
to do a monologue
from Shakespeare.
A hundred.
Do not fuck with me right now.
Dead serious.
A hundred bucks.
Think of it as a favor to me.
And do "Richard III."
It's my favorite.
Well, I don't know
"Richard III."
I know "Richard II."
Fuck yeah!
Now we're fucking talking.
- Let's hear that shit!
- Ah!
Let's talk of graves,
of worms and epitaphs,
make dust our paper
and with rainy eyes write sorrow
on the bosom of the earth.
Let's choose executors,
talk of wills,
and yet not so,
for what can we bequeath
save our deposed bodies
to the ground?
Our land, our lives,
and all are Bolingbroke's,
and nothing can we call our own
but death.
For God's sake,
let us sit upon the ground
and tell sad stories
of the death of kings.
For within the hollow crown
that rounds
the mortal temples of a king
keeps Death his court,
infusing him with self
and vain conceit,
as if this flesh
which walls about our life
were brass impregnable,
and humored thus
comes at the last
with a little pin bore through
his castle walls, farewell king.
Cover your heads
and mock not flesh and blood
with solemn reverence...
throw away respect
and tradition,
form, ceremonious duty,
for you have but mistook me
all this while...
I live with bread like you,
feel want, taste grief,
need friends,
and subjected thus,
how can you say to me,
I am a king?
You are a king.
You're the fucking king, man.
Oh, you should be booking all
over the place with that shit.
It's money well spent.
I don't know what to say, man.
You liked it?
I liked it?
- You're an artist.
That shit comes from the heart.
That means a whole lot
to hear you say that, man.
That one's
kind of close to me.
Like, I used it
to audition for school.
This is gonna sound dumb,
but when I think about
like what it is that
I really want out of life,
I just, I don't want to die
having not played Richard II.
- Broadway?
- Any stage will do.
Okay, I hate to be that asshole
who asks,
"Have I seen you in anything?"
But would I have
seen you in anything?
Uh, well,
I did this, uh, guest spot
on "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."
- No fucking way.
- Yeah.
I bet you were
the supervillain.
I was a henchman.
I haven't graduated
to supervillain yet.
Well, we'll get you there,
All right,
halfway up the block.
Okay, just pull up right here.
All right, here.
Uh, flashers off. Just chill.
I'll be like two minutes.
You mind killing the lights,
leaving the engine on?
Is everything all right?
Totally. It's just
a sketchy neighborhood.
I get nervous.
So you want me to just, like,
just wait here for a second?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I just need to see
if my buddy's home
and if I can crash with him.
If not, I might need to roll
somewhere else.
You mind waiting?
Is that cool?
- Yeah, man. It's cool.
What are the chances
I could ever find another James?
Slim to none.
Slim to none.
I hate those odds.
- Thanks, dude.
- All right, man.
Hey, man.
No, I'm... I'm good.
I'm all good.
Yeah. [CHUCKLES] I'm sure
it's pretty late for you.
It has been a while.
Uh, I'm... I'm driving for Ryde.
Hey, listen, I actually wanted
to ask you something.
- [BANG]
Hey, hang on
for a second, Jason.
Yeah, I'm here.
My bad.
Um, yeah, when you were...
when you were driving,
did anybody ever ask you out?
Yeah, like a girl, man.
Yeah, she was beautiful,
and we just... we hit it off.
Well, I guess I wouldn't
be asking about it,
but I... I guess
I'm still thinking about her.
- Shit.
Uh, yeah, well, let me...
let me call you back actually.
- Nah, don't worry about it.
- Oh.
Uh, yeah.
All right.
Talk to you soon. Bye.
All right, let's get
the fuck out of dodge.
All right.
Let's do it.
Can you please do that
from the road?
- Uh, sure.
- Trying to make moves.
No problem.
Up next, a local band
with a vintage sound.
These guys
have been taking over...
So what's up, man?
Was your buddy not home or what?
Uh, yeah, he wasn't...
he wasn't there.
Park's beautiful
this time of night.
No, I mean, it's filled
with homeless drug addicts,
but it's beautiful nonetheless.
Where are we headed?
Uh, just keep heading west.
I'll figure it out.
Yo, you know you've got
something on your shirt?
Oh, shit.
Ah, I used to get these
fucking nosebleeds as a kid,
and the cold weather
brings them back.
- Here, you want a tissue?
- No, I'm good, I'm good.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
All right.
Yo, Bruno,
when we were back there,
did you hear something weird?
Pff, dude, it's MacArthur Park.
Neighborhood is nothing but
weird noises.
- I'm from out here actually.
- Where? From MacArthur Park?
No. I'm a L.A. native, though.
There are fewer and fewer of us.
We're a dying breed.
Like unicorns or some shit.
Hey, uh, I want to apologize
for earlier,
making you miss your thing.
- What thing?
- Thing.
The thing you had to do
an hour after you picked me up.
Oh! It's funny.
Nah, I'd forgotten
all about that.
Well sincerely, thank you
for missing it, whatever it was.
No problem.
What was it?
- Ah, it wasn't important.
- Oh, shit.
That means it definitely
was important. What was it?
Just this girl.
- Fuck me! Just this girl?
- Oh, don't do that.
- There are no three words...
- Come on.
...in the contemporary
English language more telling,
more loaded, more fucking epic
in scope than "just this girl."
Fucking take that,
William Shakespeare!
Yo, it's... it's really not
that big of a deal, bro.
Give me the details. I'll tell
you if it was a big deal.
All right,
so before I picked you up,
like, I had my first fare
of the night,
and it was this girl.
Oh, this girl.
So, like, I prepare myself
for the usual,
you know, try to turn
the awkward conversation
into witty banter.
But this time
it's a little different.
- You got a picture.
- What?
- On the app, man.
- No, that's creeping, bro.
- That's unethical.
- What are you talking about?
What's unethical
is to get me this interested
and not let me know
what she looks like.
"Previous fare."
- What the fuck, dude?
- See that?
I know, right?
- All right, man, that's enough.
Anyway, so, like, I really liked
talking to this girl.
You know what I mean?
She was just no bullshit.
Like, she even made this joke
about how everyone in L.A.
drives drunk.
Uh, she's not wrong.
Well, yeah, but anyways,
at the end of the ride,
she invites me
to come meet up with her
and her friends for some drinks.
Oh, man, that's the dream, dude.
Cabbie gets asked out
by a hot passenger.
- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, man.
Then what the fuck
are you doing here with me?
Well, uh, I needed
to make some money.
Yo, tell me
you got her number.
She got away, like,
right before I could.
Oh, bullshit.
You hesitated.
I did not hesitate.
I hesitated.
BRUNO: Let's go.
Where to next, man?
- The bar, man.
- What do you mean, the bar?
The bar where the girl said
she was gonna be.
- Where was it?
- No! We don't need to do that.
Dude, you caught feelings.
We got to go!
No, it was like
this little passing moment...
James, I am not gonna be
the force in your life
that prevents you from hanging
out with this girl tonight.
I mean, who knows, man,
maybe you're meant...
meant to kiss her tonight.
Maybe you're meant
to fuck her tonight.
Maybe you're meant
to knock this girl up,
and nine months from now
you marry her
to appease her parents,
and I'm the best man
at your fucking wedding.
Wow. Uh, I'm gonna pass
on that last part.
All right,
well, I'm offended by that.
But this girl is gonna be
more offended
if you don't show up tonight.
She's counting on you.
Bro, she could not have
actually thought
- that I was gonna come.
- Are you kidding?
What world do you live in
where a girl
invites a guy somewhere
she doesn't actually
want him to be?
That does not happen.
Right now she is in there
making a conversation,
faking a fucking laugh
here and there.
"Ha ha! Ha ha. Ha."
But all the while
she's glancing back at the door.
And in the back of her mind,
she's waiting for someone...
- Come on, bro.
- ...to walk through that door.
That someone is you, homey.
That someone is you!
Up next is a song
to make some mistakes to.
Feel a change
coming over me
It's a brand-new day
I can clearly see
And the morning
when I wake up
Till I sleep at night
Oh, we're too late.
Look... Look at this line.
Just tell them
you're with Bruno Anthony.
You're kidding.
Dude, trust me.
All right, here's the plan.
You run in, walk straight
up to her, no hesitation.
You say a polite hello to her
friends and then ignore them.
And then, very directly,
you ask her if she wants to come
with you and a buddy... me...
to a house party in Malibu.
A little kickback, a few brews,
a fucking hot tub.
She'll never go for that.
Tell her that sometimes
when we trust our impulses,
incredible things can happen.
I'm a total stranger.
Well, a stranger is just
a friend you haven't met yet.
We're going to a hot tub
in Malibu?
You are goddamn right we are.
Now get in there and bring back
a beautiful woman.
- It's a tow-away zone.
- Just leave the keys with me.
What do you think, I'm crazy?
Dude, I couldn't do anything
if I wanted to.
The app has my card number.
It'd charge me for a car.
Okay, here's a bet.
If you can pull this off,
I'll be your chauffeur
for the rest of the night.
- All right.
You want me to see if she has
like a hot friend or something?
Absolutely not.
This night is about you.
I don't know if you saw,
but there's a little bit
of a line.
Uh, I'm meeting Bruno Anthony.
Why didn't you say so?
Go ahead.
And tell him I say hi.
Hi! Wow!
You finally came.
I did not think
you were gonna show.
Oh, it's been
a super bizarre night.
- You want a drink?
- I'm actually still working.
Then why'd you come?
I really liked talking to you.
Uh, I really liked
talking to you too.
I mean, the last thing I want
is to be one of those
smarmy Ryde guys
who, like, manages
to get a number.
No, no, I don't think
you're smarmy.
So I made
a good first impression.
WOMAN'S VOICE: Hello, James.
Please enter a destination.
So I made a buddy tonight.
He invited me
to this party in Malibu
with some drinks,
a little music.
- Apparently there's a hot tub.
- Ooh.
And I want you to come.
A buddy?
Yeah, his girl left him,
and he's kind of
piecing things back together,
but he seems chill.
I thought it might be
a little weird,
me coming back here
to see you,
but sometimes when you trust
your impulses,
incredible things can happen.
So where did you say
that party was at, again?
WOMAN ON RADIO: We'll be keeping
the vinyl spinning
for quite some time,
so don't touch that dial.
[RAPPING] You think you know
me, but you don't know
I be at the top, chilling at
the place you won't go
Just shine it,
lay back, recline it
Do it so easily
as if I ain't even trying
Think you could beat me?
Never that
Running to the finish
like this is the Olympics
Tell me where my medals at
So fresh in my white tee
Cue the beat,
ever so feisty
Then pass it to YB
Where's your car?
That's not fucking cool, Bruno.
Cops were gonna tow you,
brother. I had to make a call.
That's fucking bullshit, man.
Dude, look over there.
- Oh, fuck me.
- A thank-you would be nice.
Is this your friend?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, this is him.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, shit, I love this song.
This is a mix.
James still burns mix CDs.
My phone doesn't connect.
That's fucking adorable.
So, uh, for those of us
without an app,
what is your name, my dear?
Oh, how rude of me.
- I'm Jess.
- How rude indeed.
What a pleasure.
Wow, so fancy and formal.
Nice to meet you, Bruno A.?
BRUNO: Bruno A.
That's me.
All the names in the book
your parents
could have went with,
they went with Bruno?
Beg your pardon!
Bruno's a sweet name.
Yo, I'm sorry, man, but I
thought the exact same thing.
Oh, backstabber.
True colors, James.
Wait, James, why didn't you
tell me your friend was a ride?
Yeah, what the fuck, James?
- What the fuck, James?
- You didn't ask!
Dude, I told you
to lead with that.
- Whatever. It's all equal now.
- What do you mean?
Well, you were a ride,
and now we're all best friends.
Yeah, see, a stranger is just a
friend that you haven't met yet.
Wow, this has got to
win the prize
for the most unintentionally
creepy marketing campaign
I have ever heard.
But you're still
gonna use the app.
- Yeah.
- Okay, then.
Aw, Bruno...
What's up, Jess?
Talk to me, girl.
I don't mean to be that person,
but do you mind
if I have a drag of that?
- Jess.
- Yes?
You're a self-loathing smoker.
- Ugh.
- If you want a cig, have a cig.
Just don't apologize for it.
Now these are New York cigs,
so they're basically
worth their weight in gold.
- Yo, Bruno...
- I know what you're thinking.
I could probably just get
the same fucking...
- Bruno.
- What is it, James?
Can't smoke in my car.
Yo, I would not dream of it.
I know. You told me before.
I absolutely wouldn't.
Jess is gonna smoke
in your car,
and you're gonna
be cool about it.
No, no, no.
I really didn't mean...
Jess, don't worry about it.
We're gonna crack a window.
He's gonna be tight.
Yo, look at this.
End of Fountain.
Bette Davis,
you've done us well.
- JESS: Oh, boy.
- Ho! Wait a minute.
I think I got you right there,
my man.
Here we go.
That was Mae West that said,
"Take Fountain."
No, no, no.
That's bullshit.
Uh, no, I swear.
That's a Mae West quote.
Yo, you should know this.
You're an actor.
- He told me this story earlier.
- He told it to you wrong.
Honestly, I thought
you were a weirdo.
Oh, really?
So weird that you invited me
to the bar.
Why do you think
I invited you to the bar?
Yes, because we're all
beautiful fucking weirdos.
But the point is
it's Bette Davis.
- I'll bet you anything.
- I don't need to fucking bet.
If you're so confident,
look it up.
- Should I?
- Please do.
- Yes? Okay!
- Pull out a phone.
- Oh, my gosh.
- We're looking it up.
- The moment of truth.
- Bated breath.
Honestly, James, I don't mean
to offend you, but...
Bruno just sounds more
convincing when he says it.
Yeah, liars always do.
It's loading.
Hold on.
Tell him.
- Sorry, James.
- Oh, suck it, James.
You got to be
fucking kidding me.
"The legend has it that
when the famous Bette Davis
was being interviewed
on a talk show,
she was asked what advice
she had for actors
trying to make it
in Hollywood.
Her response, "Take Fountain,"
according to
What?! Wait, hold on.
No, no, no, no, no.
Your source is
some dude's WordPress?
I-I demand a recount.
You're just lucky
we didn't bet, dawg.
- Maybe it's the heat in here
- Oh, fuck yes!
This is
my motherfucking song
Holy shit!
You got a good voice.
Oh, thank you so much.
I think music, you know,
is the way that all of us
human beings
were meant
to express ourselves.
I mean, without a voice,
what have you got?
No, seriously.
I mean, I-I'm a singer.
I mean, I'm not, like, a singer.
You know, I sing, but...
Jess, I knew that about you
the moment I met you.
- Really?
- I swear to God.
No way. Aw!
Okay, hey, Bruno, could you
slow down a little bit?
- Sure. Watch this!
JAMES: Whoa!
What the hell, man?
JESS: Construction zone?
What the fuck?
You guys should dance.
- James.
- Here?
Ask her to dance
right here, right now.
Oh, come on, it's not like
you're gonna look back
at this night and regret
dancing in the middle
of Avenue of the Stars
on your first date.
Is this our first date, James?
In that case,
you'd better ask me to dance.
I think I'm gonna have to
take down my hair for this.
She's taking down her hair,
And I am
this great, stable...
May I have this dance?
Yes. You may.
JAMES: Come on.
JESSICA: I can't believe
we're doing this.
My heart's an autoclave
- Ah!
- Oh!
Wow, you're
a pretty good dancer.
I got a good dance partner.
Oh! Watch out.
Oh! Oh, this isn't
your first time.
All right, here.
You ready?
Jess, give me your phone.
This is too good.
I got to get it.
It's in the backseat.
Wait, Jess.
- Run and jump into my arms.
- What?
- Run and jump into my arms!
- No!
Hurry up before we get arrested!
- BRUNO: Come on.
- Nooo!
- Go!
Oh, my God.
That wasn't so bad, right?
Hey, if this were a movie,
the sprinklers would come on
right now,
and y'all would kiss
in that fake L.A. rain.
Get out of here, man.
You want to get a drink?
Oh, I love
where your head's at.
- I know the spot.
- Whoo!
- Right nearby.
- Let's get some alcohol!
Get out of here.
- So ready for a drink.
- Oh, man.
Wait, so this is the spot?
Yes, this is the spot, Jess.
Look, uh, bottle's on me,
but I could also use some cash.
James, do you mind
going in for me?
I'd prefer if you did it, bro.
Why? You don't trust me
with your lady?
Oh, "your lady"?
One dance,
and I'm already your lady?
- JAMES: I'm working on it.
- Look, just show them this.
They'll give you
anything you want.
Get some old fucking
blended shit and $500.
What the fuck, man?
Put that shit away!
Okay, you know what?
If you don't, your new friend
in the back's night
is gonna take
a slight turn for the worse.
Don't point that
fucking thing at her.
Did you ever see
what a .44 Magnum
could do to a woman's face?
It'd fucking destroy it.
Just blow it right apart.
That's what I could do
to her face.
Now did you ever see what it
could do to a woman's pussy?
Now, that you should see.
That you should see,
what... what a .44 Magnum
is gonna do to a woman's pussy,
you should see.
[LAUGHING] I'm fucking
with you.
It's from "Taxi Driver."
Thank you.
Oh, you should've seen
your faces.
Jess, the child locks are on.
JESS: Goddamn it.
Bruno, tell me
that that's not real.
Dude, take a look.
Now, if you don't want to come
back to a car full of dead girl,
I suggest you get a move on.
I don't know who you are or what
the fuck you think you're doing,
but it's time for you to get
the fuck out of my car!
- Aah!
- James!
Ah! Shit!
- Open your mouth.
- Oh, fuck!
James, if you don't
open your mouth,
I'm gonna shoot you,
and then I'm going to shoot her
with the gun still in your hand.
And the next time
you point a gun at someone,
you better be very fucking sure
you can pull the trigger,
because if you hesitate,
somebody's gonna fucking die,
and it's not gonna be
fucking me!
Let him go.
He'll do it.
I like old blended whiskeys,
and I like $50 bills.
Don't you fucking move!
Hold on. Wait a minute, dude.
You got this all wrong.
It's okay, Jess.
I got your phone.
Can you just
take the car and... and go?
I'm not gonna say anything.
James isn't gonna say either.
BRUNO: Jess, be quiet.
You're missing the movie.
Wait, wait, wait.
I need you to listen, please!
- Put the fucking gun down!
- I need you to call the police!
I'll fucking kill you, man!
Uh, how...
It's okay, Jess.
Use your words.
H-How do I know that this isn't
some fucked-up game
that you guys play?
You know, h-how do I know
that James is not in on this?
just fucking say something.
Can you just say something?
I-I need you to talk to me.
You've got to tell me
w-what happened in there.
Wow, am I the only one
who feels like things
just got
a little awkward in here?
I think a drink
would break the ice.
James, would you
do the honors?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Ladies first.
I'm good.
Jess, James went
to extraordinary lengths
to procure this bottle for you.
Ugh. Come on.
Mm! Mm! Mm!
- All right, enough, enough.
- Mm! Mm.
Oh, fuck.
There is nothing like
a drink and a smoke.
I remember the first time
I had them both together.
I was 14.
It was an act of defiance
and self-gratification
that just perfectly hit
the person I was
and my place in the world.
And it's never been
the fucking same since.
What do you mean?
That nothing's ever as fucking
good as the first time.
James, have you tried this?
Enjoy it.
You never will
quite the sa...
again. [LAUGHS]
Not even your shitty
philosophizing can ruin that.
There you go.
One drink, and your
sense of humor is back.
You can give up
the buddy shit, Bruno.
I am your buddy, man.
In fact, right now,
I'm your best friend
in the whole world.
James, I'm really cold.
Do you mind
if I borrow your jacket?
Ever the gentleman.
the child locks.
Oh, Jess, if you're cold,
we should get going.
It's your turn to drive.
I'm not driving.
Why not?
I thought everyone in L.A.
drives drunk.
Good to know
James has a big mouth.
BRUNO: Ugh. James.
Come on, James.
You don't want to miss
the end of your own date.
Give me another swig.
- Whoa.
- Are you insane?
And I thought I had
low regard for human life.
You got dumped tonight, right?
James, you do have
a big fucking mouth.
Is that why you're doing this?
Because she hurt you?
She hurt your feelings,
and... and now you think
you're gonna relive
your... your old relationship
with James and me
is... is really gonna...
your pop-psychology bullshit
is not gonna get you
out of this one.
Please enter a destination.
Look, you've been afforded
an opportunity tonight.
We're conditioned
to do what's expected,
down to following
the GPS instructions
that come out of
our fucking phones.
But tonight,
you get to do otherwise.
I'm sorry.
For what?
For undoing the child locks.
Aah! Fuck!
James, come on!
Run! Run, Jess!
Hold on. Hold on.
I-I... I need you to hold the...
You came back for her.
Let's see if she shows you
the same courtesy.
- I missed you, Jess.
You shouldn't have come back.
We better get Captain America
here to a drugstore
before he vomits all over
his pleather interior and me.
I'm so sorry, James.
I dislocated
your shoulder back there,
so it's gonna hurt like shit
until I pop it back in.
At which point
it's gonna hurt even worse.
Is that okay, buddy?
Leave him alone.
Fine, you pop it back in.
It's okay, James.
Use your words.
Why would you come back?
BRUNO: Isn't it obvious?
'Cause she's a good person,
What's she gonna do,
leave you here with me?
That's cold.
All right, we're gonna need
a few things...
painkillers, a sling,
and something wooden
for James to bite down onto.
Here's how we're gonna do this.
Hi, Bruno.
Hey, it's me... Bruno.
Bruno, may I speak to Jess,
[WHISPERING] It's for you.
would you do me a favor?
Would you keep this on speaker?
And hum something for me
so I know you're there.
Can you hand me my purse?
I think it's wedged
between the seats.
Looks like you've got
some shoplifting to do.
Hop to.
James back here
isn't getting any healthier.
Oh, and Jess?
If you bring back any help,
I'll kill him.
Can I help you find
anything tonight, ma'am?
- Sorry, what are you saying?
I'm okay, thank you.
Someone is taking
her sweet time.
At least she could've done us
the courtesy
of closing the door.
It's chilly.
The body of a man
found in Hollywood
earlier this evening
has been identified
as 31-year-old Bruno Anthony.
Anthony was
a respected club promoter
in the Los Angeles
nightlife community.
Friends are still in shock
at the vicious murder,
which the LAPD have determined
was the result
of blunt force trauma.
Anthony's body was found
inside the Hollywood apartment
that he shared with
his fiance, Gwyneth Cassidy.
Before his death, Anthony
announced his recent engagement
to the woman he called
"the love of his life."
The couple posted
this picture to social media,
a snapshot of how
he lived his life,
friends said, always smiling.
Hey, it was brave,
what you did back there.
Misguided, but brave.
Why, man?
Tell me
that's not your question.
Why are you
really doing this?
"Some men just want
to watch the world burn."
That's from "The Dark Knight."
Yeah, I got
the fucking referencing.
I want to help you, man.
I don't know.
Why does anybody do anything?
What the fuck
is taking her so long?
Do you really know
what to do about this?
You'll drink something,
I'll pop it back in.
It'll be chill.
Just don't pick a fight
with me again.
- That's a losing proposition.
Hey, don't touch him.
Give me the phone.
Get in the front.
Wash those down with that.
Tastes even better
when it's free, right?
I think we all earned
a nice milkshake for ourselves.
But nothing's gonna be...
There's a Jack in the Box
at the end of Sunset.
You ready, brother?
I want to kill you.
Who are you kidding?
You're a good person, dog.
I shot the clerk
in the liquor store.
You shouldn't have
come back for me.
James, that's very gallant,
but for the time being,
open your mouth.
You'll thank me later.
JAMES: Fuck! Oh!
Three, two, one.
Jess, remember when you
told us you could sing?
Give us a song.
James back here
is looking pretty grim.
- He could use some cheering up.
- No.
Do you know any jazz?
I got the blues
I feel so lonely
I'd give the world
if I could only
Make you understand
It surely would be grand
Baby, won't you please
come home?
Baby, won't you please
come home?
I have tried in vain
Nevermore to call your name
When you left,
you broke my heart
I never thought
we'd be apart
Every hour in the day
You will hear me say
Baby, won't you please
come home?
aren't you gonna applaud?
Bruno, will you please
just stop?
James, you of all people know
how important applause is.
Come on, man.
Go on.
Yes! Yes.
MAN: Welcome to Jack in the Box.
My name is Shawn.
Can I interest you
in our late-night
stacked grilled cheeseburger
munchie meal tonight?
Well, I don't know, Shawn.
Why don't you walk me through
the late-night
grilled stacked cheeseburger
munchie meal.
It's our signature
sourdough Jack
with a grilled cheese on top,
served with two tacos,
halfsies curly
and regular fries,
and a 20-ounce drink
for $6.10 before tax.
$6.10 before tax?
Sign me up, Shawn.
What kind of drink
would you like with that?
Let's do a Dr Pepper.
Will that be all tonight?
Fuck no! Sorry, Shawn.
Pardon my language.
You're not religious
or anything, are you?
Anyway, I'm gonna get
some chicken nuggets
for my friend Jess in here.
Would you like the meal
or just the nuggets?
You know, fuck it, let's get her
some jalapeo poppers too.
Will that be all tonight?
You just asked that, and no.
I'd like to get my friend James
something as well.
James, what would you like?
He is gonna have
a vanilla milkshake,
please and thank you, Shawn.
How are those nuggets, Jess?
It was always my favorite
in high school...
get high, come up here.
Chicken nuggets.
And a Dr Pepper and curly fries.
That was the order.
That was perfection.
Still mad at your friend James?
He's no killer.
What the fuck
are you even talking about?
We watched. That shot came
from behind the counter, man.
Probably some paranoid,
trigger-happy NRA dickface
with lousy aim.
Lucky James.
- Why would you lie about that?
Probably to make me think
he's capable of killing me.
I don't know.
Can't shit a shitter, James.
These fucking fries
are amazing.
James, how's that shake, dude?
I'm just kidding.
I don't care.
Let's roll, shall we?
please enter a destination.
Where to, Bruno?
Top of Monument,
right off Sunset.
All the way to the dead end.
What's there?
A hot tub, obviously.
Please follow
the highlighted route.
Honestly, you guys,
I'm feeling a little guilty
because you both shared
some really profound shit
with me earlier.
So I want to share something
with the both of you,
something that's always
meant a lot to me.
But I can't do it alone.
There's gonna be some
chorus shit that you have to do.
You'll figure it out.
Now, usually I don't do this,
but, uh,
go ahead and break 'em off
with a little preview
of the remix.
Now, I'm not trying
to be rude
But, hey, pretty girl
I'm feeling you
The way
you do the things you do
Reminds me of my Lexus coupe
That's why I'm all up
in your grill
Trying to get you to a hotel
You must be a football coach
The way you got me
playing the field
- So, baby, give me that
- Toot toot
- Let me give you that
- Beep beep
Running her hands
through my fro
Bouncing on twenty fo's
Come on, fuckers, sing it.
It's the remix to "Ignition"
Hot and fresh
out the kitchen
Mama rolling that body
Got every man in here
Sipping on Coke and rum
I'm like, so what I'm drunk.
It's the freaking weekend
Baby, I'm about to
have me some fun
Bounce, bounce, bounce
Bounce, bounce,
bounce, bounce
Bounce, bounce, bounce
Come on
It's like
"Murder, She Wrote"
Once I get you
out them clothes
"Privacy" is on the door
But still they can hear you
screaming more
Girl, I'm feeling
what you're feeling
No more hoping and wishing
I'm bout to take my key
and stick it in the ignition
- So give me that
- Toot toot
- Let me give you that
- Beep beep
Running her hands
through my fro
Bouncing on 24s
While they say
on the radio
It's the remix to "Ignition"
Hot and fresh
out the kitchen
Mama rolling that body
Got every man in here
Sipping on Coke and rum
I'm like, so what I'm drunk
It's the freaking weekend
Baby, I'm about to
have me some fun
Cristal popping
in the stretch Navigator
We got food everywhere,
as if the party was catered
We got fellas to my left
Honeys on my right
You bring 'em both together,
we got chilling all night
Then after the show,
it's the after-party
And after the party,
it's the hotel lobby
Around about 4:00
you got to clear the lobby
You can take it
to your room and...
- Aah!
WOMAN'S VOICE: You have reached
your destination.
We hope you had
a safe and pleasant ride.
You okay?
JAMES: You got to be
fucking kidding me.
Go, go.
The house.
We got to go for the house.
- James, hurry.
- Hold on. Hey.
- Hold on.
- Fuck, he's getting out.
Open the damn door!
Hey, come on,
open the fucking door.
- Come on. James. James.
- Somebody help us.
Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
BRUNO: James.
Oh, fuck.
BRUNO: James!
The pool.
We need to get in the pool.
Oh, it's a bad idea.
- We don't have time.
- Fuck this thing.
I'm really sorry.
It's okay.
Let there be...
I told you
we were going to a hot tub.
Get out.
You can end the ride now.
This is our destination.
I'll be sure to give you
five stars in my review.
What do you want from us?
To do just what you said,
for God's sake.
Let us sit upon the ground
and tell sad stories
of the death of kings.
Bruno, come on, man.
You wanted to get
in the hot tub, right?
I mean, that's why we're here,
isn't it?
I want to go home.
Don't tell me to let you go
or that
I'm making you stay here
or whatever other fake-ass
bullshit you tell yourself
to justify your fundamentally
unsatisfying existence.
Because frankly...
...I won't buy it.
Now, take off your clothes
and get in the fucking hot tub.
[WHISPERING] We have to
get the gun.
Damn, bro.
You work out?
You too, Jess.
James, you ever kind of wish
you were Italian?
Those guys get to say whatever
they want about a woman's body,
and nobody bats an eye.
Now, get in
the fucking hot tub.
- I'm gonna take a swig of this.
- You're gonna need it.
What are you doing?
Oh, "something, something"
desperate times.
"Something, something"
desperate measures.
- I'm not desperate.
- Jessica.
Tonight you asked
your cab driver on a date.
Belittle me all you want, Bruno.
I'm not belittling you.
That's what you are.
You drive people around.
You offer them adorable
little bottles of water.
You do everything
in your power
to block the nagging voice
in your head that says,
"I will never be
anything other than this."
And until you acknowledge that,
you never will.
So is that what this is about?
You think you're
somehow helping us?
You're an amazing actor, James,
but no one's ever
gonna know that.
Because when the time
comes to act, you hesitate.
You told me you just wanted to
play Richard II before you die.
And now you're gonna kill me?
Don't be so banal.
Tonight isn't about dying.
It's about living.
If we make it to sunrise,
you will forever
look back on this night
and remember what it felt like
to be alive.
Now, you get to choose.
Who goes first?
You or her?
Me, Bruno.
- Fucking point your gun at me.
- Great.
Is this Gwyn's house?
What the fuck did you just say?
Bruno A.
stands for Bruno Anthony,
a dead club promoter
they found in Hollywood.
This guy
doesn't look dead to me.
I hope I don't look like
a fucking club promoter either.
They said he's survived
by his fiance, Gwyneth.
You told us that you suffered
from a recent breakup.
I believe that.
That's not a lie.
No, the only thing
you lied about
is how long ago
it actually happened.
Go on, Bruno, use your words.
Get out of the tub!
I knew it.
Hey, hey,
don't you fucking move, man!
- I knew I could get you to do...
- JESSICA: Don't listen to him.
I knew I could get you
to pick up a girl,
to commit armed robbery,
to kill somebody.
Let's just get out of here!
I guess that somebody's me.
Fuck you!
You said
you were just a henchman.
Now you get to be
a full-on villain.
Fuck this guy, James.
Let's just go.
Do it.
- Do it!
JAMES: Goodbye, Bruno.
Come on!
I thought you were my buddy.
Stay with me, brother.
Hello, James.
You have one new ride request.
Ride accepted.
Let's ride.
Hello, is this Maria?
This is James.
I'm your ride.