Rien ne va plus (The Swindle) (1997) Movie Script

Place your bets.
No more bets...
All bets are down.
33 red, odd and pass.
You're luckier than me.
Sorry about that.
Don't be silly!
Place your bets.
Bet with me.
My bad luck might rub off on you.
No more bets.
All bets are down.
No winners.
- You can't win every time.
- Especially me!
- Young man, where's the baccarat?
- Over there.
- Bet with me.
- But you're losing!
- You'll bring me luck.
- This is my last chip.
Come on, let's play the last six.
- Place your bets.
- The last six.
The last six. No more bets.
All bets are down.
20 black, even, pass.
I told you so.
That's it, I'm out.
I'll buy you a drink.
- No. I don't think so.
- Come on!
My name's Robert Chatillon
and I'm perfectly harmless.
You're not the shy type!
Elisabeth Deroulede.
Like the poet who hated Krauts?
Yes. He was a distant relative.
Can we go somewhere else
for a drink?
I'm afraid I'll be tempted.
Let's have one at the hotel bar.
We're all at the Park Hotel.
- What do you mean by "all"?
- The convention.
I'm staying there too.
You enjoy travelling?
So, you specialize in lawnmowers.
I handle all mechanical
and electric garden equipment.
Oh, that's nice.
What do you mean "nice"?
I think it's... poetic.
I think you're right.
Another whiskey?
But Robert, I'm way behind you.
I haven't even drunk half.
Hurry up.
The guy from Clermont
found a broad.
Yeah, I saw him.
Your order, sir?
A brandy and water. Lots of water.
No! Thank you.
- And you?
- What about me?
What do you do for a living?
Director of an insurance company.
- Not bad!
- Why? You thought I was a whore?
Not at all! You're not the type.
I'm happy to hear it.
No, I'm not a whore.
I'm a liberated woman who does
what she wants. Are you married?
You live around here?
No. Clermont-Ferrand.
So you're married.
You have any kids?
No and we'll never have any.
That's life.
You have any cigarettes?
Sorry, I don't smoke.
Would you mind getting me some?
They sell them at the bar.
What brand should I buy?
Gitanes blondes.
A pack of Gitanes blondes please.
Right away, sir.
That'll be twenty francs.
- Here you go.
- Thanks, that's sweet of you.
You're a really nice person.
That's because you're charming.
I'd like to get to know you better.
I'd be delighted.
I'd like to kiss you
and make love to you.
You might be shocked,
but that's how I am.
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
Your room or mine?
I prefer yours.
Me too. I've got my key so no need
to stop at the reception desk.
Here I don't want this.
Drink it.
Put it on my tab. Room 505.
Why do you want
to make love to me?
Because you're nice.
Your pal Robert's hot stuff.
Yeah, I noticed. I'm amazed.
I can't get over it.
Maybe he could use
my weed-wacker.
She's not bad-looking either.
Hey, take it easy!
Sorry. I don't mean to be pushy,
but I figured...
- You play the trumpet!
- No. It's a bet I made...
I'm a beginner...
- Why don't we get comfortable?
- Sure.
Will you give me a hand?
Can you hang on a few minutes?
I want to freshen up.
There's not much in the...
I've got all I need in here.
Five minutes.
How much do I owe you?
How much?
Too rich for my blood.
- Goodbye.
- Goodnight sir.
What's wrong? You look tired.
- No, no. I'm okay.
- Lie down.
- I don't know what's wrong.
- I said, lie down.
What rotten luck.
Who is it?
Room service.
It's Victor.
- Everything okay?
- Out like a light.
He plays the trumpet too.
Let's see.
- Are you crazy!
- What? Do you mind.
Is that really appropriate?
Does he know which end
to put it in?
Anyway, who cares.
Let's see...
There's about 35,000 francs here.
How much did he win
on his last round?
Just over 10,000.
So I'll leave him... 21,000.
That much?
Let me handle this!
Check if he has any other papers!
Credit cards, driver's license.
Forget the credit cards
and bring me the license!
Take a look at this mug shot!
What about the signature?
- Piece of cake.
- It's all yours.
The dumber the signature
the easier it is.
We don't need an exact knife.
What luck!
12,316.46 francs.
How's it going?
No problem.
The writing?
He writes like a ten-year-old kid.
I'm thirsty.
Who do I make the checkout to?
Good question.
Make it out to the Geneva Import Co.
We haven't used it for a while.
Is this alright?
Put everything back in its place.
It would be nice to leave a note.
Excellent idea!
Shall I dictate?
If you want.
- What's his name?
- Robert.
My Dear Robert...
What did you say
you did for a living?
Director of an insurance company.
Elisabeth Deroulede.
Deroulede! Shame on you!
Use business handwriting,
but make it a bit sensual.
My Dear Robert...
Sorry it didn't work out.
Maybe we could meet again
Sleep well.
And add this:
I had to return to Paris.
I think I had one too many.
Tomorrow 9:00 a. m.
Marchand's speech.
Perfect time for a nap.
I'm going to watch some porno.
- My wife drove me nuts.
- Look, it's Robert's girlfriend.
I want another croissant.
- It's your fourth.
- So it's my fourth.
More croissants please.
- Only two left.
- Fine.
A glass of white wine, Odette.
I can go and get you some more.
This is fine.
Okay with you?
We could use some more coffee.
You're going to get fat.
You'll end up in a wheelchair!
- Find anything?
- Nothing wont while anyway.
Not wont the trip.
Don't worry. I've got a good thing
lined up in two weeks.
You feel like eating outside?
It's too cold out.
Alright. I'll clear off the ashtray
and set the table.
Do it now! The food's ready.
What's happening in two weeks?
You're curious.
We're going to Sills Maria,
near St. Moritz.
- Not bad!
- I think it'll be wont while.
A dental convention.
The European Congress
of Odontology.
They look pretentious enough
to be good prey.
What if our dentist's there?
I had my teeth cleaned
just to make sure.
He hates meeting other dentists.
- You think of everything.
- It's my job.
It's one of the most
lucrative jobs.
And one of the safest,
if you're smart.
The least taxable.
- Is it good?
- Yes.
Why do you like doing dishes?
I don't, but I know
how much you hate it.
You know what?
I need a few days off
for a change of scenery.
Do what you want, my dear.
You don't mind?
Betty, you know I love you,
but I can live without you.
How about if we go back to Paris.
I'll do this month's accounts,
then you do what you want.
Are you sure?
Don't be annoying, darling.
I won't be long.
Take your time.
102,400 francs.
Not bad for only three scams.
I guess.
And it's the slow season.
Don't forget that...
I know. We could've taken...
more cash
from the lawnmower salesman.
Don't flaunt your stupidity, darling.
Thanks a lot.
Use your head!
That's the whole idea.
I left too much money
for him to notice any was missing.
He had more than 20,000
in his wallet.
It wouldn't even occur to him
he's been had.
It's the principle behind taxes,
but they're even more subtle.
The tax people are geniuses.
- But we have to fight to survive.
- You old anarchist.
- Yes you are!
- Oh no, my dear, not at all.
As usual...
one third goes into the communal
pot. That's 34,000.
We split the rest,
that's 34,000 each.
The 400 francs left
are a present for you.
A bonus for the personnel.
Thank you sir!
Do you still plan on
taking some time off?
Where are you planning on going?
I don't know. Somewhere south.
You have to be in Sills Maria
on the 25th.
I'll be there.
Do you need some cash?
A little.
How much? Ten... fifteen thousand?
Twelve thousand.
Here princess.
What ID do you want?
I think I'll be Russian.
Sissi Petrovna.
Sissi Petrovna!
Can't you pick an easier one?
It's more amusing.
Why not Betty Boop!
Passport, license, ID cards...
Careful, only ten left.
By the way...
on the passport
you're a blond.
Platinum blond.
Don't worry.
- You seem upset.
- Nothing upsets me darling. Ever.
I'll call once in a while.
At midnight.
I certainly hope so.
I'm off to bed. I'm leaving early.
- I won't wake you.
- Don't worry about it.
I'll see you in ten days
in Sills Maria.
Right. Ten days in Sills Maria.
What are you planning to do?
What I usually do
when I'm alone, darling.
Mingle with the masses.
You need more practice, kid.
The same thing.
Give me lots of onions.
More onions.
Lots and lots of onions.
What do I owe you?
I wouldn't feel right.
Get out of here!
Okay. I'm going.
Today she's overweight and happy.
She feels better fat than thin.
She'll tell us why.
For the first time on TV
Catherine Langeais
talks about Francois Mitterrand
and their secret love affair.
In ten years this man found
every possible combination
to win the lottery.
He'll tell us his secret.
Dominique loved Christian,
until she found out
Christian was a woman.
Hard to believe, but facts
can be stranger than fiction.
What a bore.
Hi mom, it's Sissi.
That's a first. How are you?
Enjoying your freedom?
I'm fine. I'll explain later.
Will you let me talk to my mother?
- Hurry up.
- Okay.
Don't forget, in three days
we meet in Sills Maria.
I'm already in Sills Maria.
I'll explain later. 'Bye.
What's she cooking up?
You have a reservation for me.
- Emmanuel Victor.
- Yes, Colonel.
Your room is ready.
Room 170.
It's large with a good view.
Hope you enjoy your stay.
I hope so too.
Hello, Gunther.
Hello, Signora Trotti.
What are you doing,
you little pest?
He's not bothering me, madam.
You're French, aren't you?
You look French.
Hannibal loves you.
He loves the French.
And so do I.
My first lover was French.
I'm honored, madam.
Colonel Emmanuel Victor.
A charming French officer.
Sadly, a retired colonel, madam.
Please follow me, Colonel.
Excuse me, signora.
Will we meet again?
Mrs. Trotti is one of our best
clients. She's full of life.
Tell me she's not a dentist.
No. She's a widow.
I hope you'll like the room.
We'll eat here
and see the show tonight.
Other French guests...
I heard.
Bottled water...
a bible...
Hot... cold.
The usual.
Yes... the usual.
Tell me. What's the show tonight?
It's a show
with a very unusual dancer.
It was organized by the dentists
but it's open to anyone.
If you wish
I can reserve you a seat.
Thank you. Is it black tie?
It's dressy.
Fine. Can you also reserve me
a table for tonight?
Certainly, Colonel.
That's fine. Thank you very much.
I hope you have an excellent stay,
- At your service.
- Thank you.
You have a table reserved for me.
- The name is Victor.
- Yes of course, Colonel.
If you could avoid
Signora Trotti's table...
I understand, sir.
This way please.
Here you are, sir.
Tonight, we're offering
superb wild mushrooms.
You can have them in a fricassee,
or as a side dish.
I'll have mushroom fricassee.
Give me fish with that... perch.
Sauted with just a touch
of lemon juice.
If you wish,
we have some magnificent...
- Big frogs?
- Very big frogs.
I see.
You're sure they're not toads?
No. And bring me
a half-bottle of white wine.
Fine, sir.
I'll bring you the wine list.
It's unbearably hot in here.
How can she move like that?
It's the costume.
I'm too hot. I need some air.
Now I feel chilly.
- You want to go back inside?
- No. Warm me up.
- I think I've got an admirer.
- Who?
A guy who just arrived. Not bad.
He's old enough to be my dad.
I don't trust old leches.
Why do you think he's an old lech?
We could have some fun with him.
You're really perverse.
I'm frivolous,
but I'm not perverse.
I bet I can get him
to invite us to dinner.
I'm not with the convention
or the hotel.
Working for the hotel now?
What are you up to? Who's the guy?
- I'll explain later.
- Enough is enough!
You'd think we were in a
Kafka novel. Cough it up.
Later. Play along.
How nice of you.
We'll have a delightful day,
if you're sure it's no trouble.
Meet my cousin, Maurice Biagini.
Delighted. Emmanuel Victor,
retired colonel.
The Colonel's invited us to lunch.
Really Sissi, the way you
take advantage of people.
Not at all. It was my idea.
I'm alone among all these dentists,
and being pursued
by an awful Italian widow.
You'd be doing me a service
as a fellow Frenchman.
You're too kind.
We'd be pleased
to offer our protection.
The pleasure is mine.
Perfect. We'll meet in half an hour.
It's cold up there.
Dress warmly, Colonel.
- I intend to, madam.
- It's miss.
If you've got a ski-mask,
I suggest you wear it.
Don't worry.
I know how to cover myself.
Three, please.
Thank you.
Let's conquer the Alps together.
- With pleasure, but...
- I insist.
- So, what?
- I'm listening.
Who is this guy?
It's the first time you've
screwed up one of our projects.
After seeing the dentists,
you should thank me.
- Alright.
- You want to know about Maurice.
I want to know everything.
He's a businessman, a treasurer
for an international business group.
- My goodness.
- It's true.
Anything's possible.
He looks like a brainless gigolo.
He's not that brainless.
Where did you meet him
and what are your plans?
On the train, not that it matters.
Go on.
We were on the same train.
He was sitting across from me.
He was kind of cute.
I was bored
so I asked him to switch seats.
Once he caught on, he was great.
He graciously accepted my request.
He kept on smiling.
- After that it was easy. We talked.
- I believe you.
Then we had an awful lunch.
He wanted to pay for lunch.
I refused.
I let him buy the wine.
After that,
one thing led to another.
Keep going.
He invited me to dinner.
I said yes.
We ate at the Negresco.
The meal was superb.
Is this story almost over?
I swear it's all true!
What do you take me for?
Stop rocking the chair
or we'll fall. I swear it's true!
Alright. Now tell me how and when
you got from Nice to Sills Maria?
We flew here two days ago.
No. You've been here for ten days.
I asked at the desk.
Were you in the secret service,
- Why are you lying to me?
- I'm not. It's all true.
Okay, it's all true,
but it happened last year.
A year! You've known each other
for a year? Bravo!
You've led a secret life!
Stop acting like an old fogey.
You needed some time off
to chase after your boyfriend.
Stop it and listen.
He's here to transfer some money.
He's taking a huge amount
of cash to the Antilles.
- Money from where?
- We're better off not knowing.
We're talking
5 million Swiss francs.
- How much?
- Swiss francs in a briefcase.
How much?
5 million.
He told you all this
just like that.
A year of work, old friend.
A wolf in sheep's clothing!
- You know your story stinks.
- Swiss money has no smell.
I'm as hungry as a wolf!
I'll lower the flame.
We'll leave it to you.
You're the expert.
Did Sissi tell you? I love fondue.
I'd come to Switzerland
just for that.
Not just for that, I hope.
What did you do in the army?
Theoretically, I don't have
the right to tell you.
I think I'll take the risk.
Military Intelligence.
Financial Branch.
Must've been interesting.
Very interesting.
Are you finding retirement hard?
I find ways to keep busy.
You've got rhythm.
Anybody need a dentist?
You have to admire
the beauty of the thing.
The warm, subtle intermingling
of cheese melted in white wine.
Not forgetting the white wine...
cool and fruity.
It personally gives me
an incomparable taste sensation.
Except for maybe
a mouthful of Beluga caviar
and a glass or two of pepper vodka.
But only Pertjoska!
Thank you, Colonel
for this feast.
As a man who dodged
military service, I thank you.
- Can't you shut him up?
- I've never seen him like this.
Must be the mountain air.
I shouldn't say this,
but in all my life
I can say I've never taken orders
from a thug in a military uniform.
I'm stopping. We got ripe ones.
The seasons started.
- What'd he say?
- He says the seasons started.
I can get on myself.
- Go down with the Colonel.
- I'm going with you.
- Are you French?
- Yes.
I thought you were Polish!
Don't move. Don't talk.
He's plastered.
He didn't drink that much.
He can't handle much alcohol.
You put him
on my side of the bed.
Spare me the details.
Take his shoes off instead.
What is this portable safe?
It's the attach case he uses
to transport money.
- Looks pretty serious.
- I told you.
He's waking up.
You think so?
He's just moving a bit.
Indre, Haute-Garonne, Essonne,
Eure-et-Loir, Ariege,
Puy-de-Dome and Cantal.
These postal codes
could be useful.
Listen, I think
the best thing to do
is to let him sleep.
Can I take you out for a drink?
I'd be delighted.
Thank you, Colonel.
See you in the bar in half an hour.
It's humiliating for all Belgians.
Do you realize...
no matter where you go,
people won't let their kids
go out alone.
Waiter, four whiskies please.
And some chips.
- I'm sure you're angry with me.
- For what?
For messing up your plans.
It wouldn't be very gracious of me.
I realize I overestimated
the possibilities of this operation.
But it doesn't happen very often.
- What'll you have?
- Nothing with alcohol. Water.
- You want tea?
- No, water.
- You speak French?
- I'm French.
Give us
two sparkling mineral waters.
I like Switzerland.
It's so cosmopolitan.
Now, tell me all about your clown.
He's not a clown. He's very nice.
I don't think he's nice,
but we'll discuss that later.
What we're interested in is
his attach case and the Antilles.
He's delivering it
to someone in Guadeloupe.
We leave for Geneva
the day after tomorrow.
He's got the tickets.
Geneva / Paris,
Paris / Pointe--Pitre.
You're going with him?
He wants me to go with him.
How long is this honeymoon
expected to last?
You don't understand.
I don't think he intends
to come back.
What makes you think that?
I think he plans on
pulling a fast one.
On who?
On the people he works for.
You really want to know
what I think?
I can't wait!
Put it on my tab.
- No, put it on room 184.
- Yes, ma'am.
You've got no conscience.
No morals either.
I learned from the best.
You didn't learn your lessons.
It deals with illegal moralizing
of immoral laws. It's patent.
- Do you believe that?
- I do my best.
I love talking to you.
You'd convince me that intelligence
is the key to happiness.
Very flattering,
but the opposite is also true.
is the key to intelligence.
Let's get back to the asshole.
What exactly do you think?
He's not an asshole.
I think he's going
to take the money and run.
With you?
I think he's really in love with me.
A sentimental fugitive.
The worst kind!
Tell me frankly.
Where do you stand in all this?
I told you everything.
It won't be easy.
I know that type of attach case.
Without the combination, you'd need
a drill or a laser to get it open.
He didn't give you the combination?
He may be in love
but he's not crazy.
You think you could get it?
Be serious, Colonel.
I'm kidding.
But it really is a problem.
Water's not my drink.
Another thing. He told me
that during the transfers,
he chains the attach case
to his wrist
with a pair of handcuffs.
I don't like this guy
at all.
That's all we needed.
If anyone can handle it,
you can...
Don't let me down.
You're the most perverse creature
I know.
You're the one who taught me
how to have fun.
I'm not sure
this job will be all that much fun.
It sounds a bit too risky.
Though it is tempting,
I grant you that.
We're stepping out of our league.
This is too big for us.
Sorry, but if you can't handle it,
I'll just go it on my own.
It's dangerous, my dear!
I'm the one handcuffed
to the attach case.
I told him it was a turn on,
that I wanted to share
all of his experiences.
He hesitated at first,
then accepted.
By the way,
here comes your Italian admirer.
Good heavens, hide me!
You can get up, she's gone.
I'll be taking my leave too.
- Where are you going?
- To Paris, my dear.
I'll leave a note with the doorman.
Memorize it and then eat it.
And don't breathe a word
to Maurice.
You know I love you...
you old codger.
See you soon.
I think I made a mistake.
I told Maurice who you were.
Don't make any more blunders.
He's leaving tonight.
Three pieces of luggage?
So, how does it feel?
Pretty exciting...
but it's lighter than I thought.
It's only paper after all.
Can't wait for the sun!
- Sit by the window.
- Does it matter to me!
You've got the case,
you sit by the window.
- Did you see him?
- No.
- He chickened out.
- Looks that way.
- Are you disappointed?
- No, but it would've been fun.
You scare me sometimes...
that cold nonchalance.
Better than being nonchalantly cold.
You scare me too sometimes.
You're so elusive.
You slip through my fingers.
Not always.
So you find me mysterious?
That annoys you?
You're more mysterious
than annoying.
- Why did you come with me then?
- I love you...
and your attach case.
Take off the glasses.
You look like Peter Sellers.
It's all carefully distorted.
Take the news for example,
they don't give us
all the information.
They hide some of the facts
or misconstrue the truth...
I can snap it
to your ankle if you want.
Are you serious?
Sure, I do it all the time.
Not me.
It would be like a ball and chain.
Would you like some champagne?
...but if you bother to follow a story,
really listen to what you're told,
or what they're allowed to tell,
you'd find out that the story
has made a profit for someone,
or for several people.
Then no one talks about it again.
And if I were to talk about this
Thank you.
It's not very practical.
Sorry about that.
I'm doing just fine. No problem.
What a professional.
Trying to get a permanent job?
My dream come true.
- They always serve caviar?
- A lot less now.
But usually,
when they serve caviar,
they skimp on the rest.
I'm afraid to see what's next.
Carpe Diem, as Victor says.
Another member
of the Dead Poets' Society?
He loves caviar so much. I'd be
surprised he didn't slip on board.
- He's so cunning.
- I'm sure. But he's not invisible.
there's no caviar in economy.
Too bad. Wait and see.
Take colonialism for example.
First they send missionaries
who've got no idea
they're paving the way
for colonization. It's a cover,
or a decoy as they call it nowadays,
that allows the big companies
to exploit
and pillage - there's no other word
for it - the raw materials.
Naturally, as soon as things
start to develop,
and the locals begin to notice,
colonists are chased out,
and missionaries are killed
with the Vatican's blessing.
But they manage to keep on
exploiting raw materials...
May I have an orange juice?
Pardon me.
Close the door!
Well, my dear...
Are you having a pleasant flight?
We had caviar.
I thought of you.
For the combination...
from left to right,
46-44 and 88-61.
That's our credit card number.
Why fill your head
with useless numbers?
Maurice was sure you were not here.
Maurice is a fool.
And I'm going to prove it.
Give me your handcuffs.
Wait a minute.
Naturally, since I found out
it's all a cover, half-truths,
manipulation, deception, scams,
as well as lies, bribery...
Well, out with it.
Maybe he's the invisible man.
He was there!
Did he have his attach case?
He had it.
Everything took place as planned.
- Did you change your hair style?
- Yes.
What if he takes off
with the money?
He won't. I'll see to it.
You're not going to hurt him?
You wanted some fun, well,
you got it. It excites me.
Yes, it makes me laugh.
But that's no surprise.
Everyone knows blacks love to laugh.
Do you feel more at ease?
No, because I don't know
what you're scheming.
What if I don't entirely trust you?
I'm taking precaution.
Leaving the money in Victor's hands.
You must be crazy.
Crazy about you!
I don't give a damn about Victor.
He's nothing.
A poor old fool who lives off
small time scams.
In ten minutes
I'll get my case back.
Go pick up the luggage.
I'll meet you.
Go on! I don't want
to spend an eternity here.
See you in a minute.
Thank you for
taking care of my case.
Here are your newspapers.
Let's get your bags.
Sissi is already there.
I can hardly wait to see her!
Be so good
as to let go of my arm,
I feel like I can't walk on my own.
Sissi, darling, look who's here!
I see.
I was afraid
I'd never see you again.
I wanted to thank you
for your honesty
and your loyalty.
Equaled only
by your brains and skill.
We're not going to argue here.
Ask your friend
if he can free you for half an hour
so we can resolve this
once and for all.
Don't worry.
It's been resolved once and for all.
You don't work with someone
all this time
without accounts to settle.
I owe her money.
Forget it!
Can I say something
or am I just a plaything
in the hands of two superior beings?
- Forgive me.
- It's true. We have accounts
to settle
and I don't see why it should wait.
My bag!
Shall we go to my hotel?
Alright. But I'll only give you
an hour, no more!
Take care of the bags.
I'll meet you at the address
you gave me.
If you hurt her,
I'll eat your liver!
I have no intention of touching her!
You're a romantic,
my dear Maurice.
Politics are just a game.
You simply need to be vigilant.
I've decided to play the game,
that's all.
Maurice! What brings you here?
- I'll give you a hand.
- Not the attach case, the bag!
Excuse us. It's an emergency.
Thank you.
To the hospital?
Hotel Hamac.
- You're pretty clever!
- I won't deny it.
I told you he was a fool.
My dear.
When he gave me his attach case,
it was the most glorious moment
of my life.
I'm sure,
but you took an enormous risk.
Not at all.
In any case, no more than he did.
It's easy to swindle someone
who thinks they have the upper hand.
If I said we had not switched,
you would've looked foolish.
I have faith in you Betty.
You're complicated and perverse,
but you'd never betray me.
You're as sure of yourself
as a Latin lover.
It occurred to me to tell him
you had not switched cases
and that you were not in the plane.
He wouldn't have believed you.
I'm telling you he's stupid.
Why didn't you tell him?
That's personal, daddy.
I adore the mystery
of human relationships.
What'll you do when
Maurice comes for his attach case?
I'll give it to him...
if he asks nicely.
He'll be furious!
No, because I'll give him
his attach case.
He'll be so relieved
he won't notice
he's lost something in the exchange.
You're really sure of yourself.
I could easily run off with him.
I truly believe this whole story
proved he wasn't right for you.
Too weak, too indecisive,
too stupid!
You're too smart
to let this stupidity continue.
- I'm going to walk on the beach.
- Be my guest.
What if I were meeting Maurice?
Don't make me laugh.
That little bitch
is making me lose my cool.
What if I tried...
Indre is 36
and Haute-Savoie is 74.
Essonne... Eure-et-Loir...
91 and 28.
That's not it!
I'll reverse the numbers.
Either I'm a genius or this guy
is the biggest fool of all times.
Were you afraid
you'd never see me again?
I never took you for a fool.
In any case, we've had
no news from your white knight.
For you, no news is good news...
I guess so...
Listen, I think it best to be prudent.
We'll go to Paris tomorrow.
Maurice made me a better offer.
I'm serious. It's strange he hasn't
already come and made a scene.
I hope he's not concocting
some vicious plan.
Frankly, I think this guy's a fool
and fools are often vicious.
Would you stop going on about him
and be a gracious winner.
- We're leaving tomorrow.
- Why not tonight?
There are no flights until tomorrow.
What's come over you?
It just occurred to me that
Maurice might've pulled a fast one.
Maybe he conned both of us
from the start.
What do you mean?
What if his attach case
contains the entire collection
of Archie comics?
That's an amusing idea.
If it's true,
he has my compliments.
But we won't know
until we open the attach case.
- One more reason to get back fast.
- You never thought of that!
It seems highly unlikely.
He seems like such a fool.
Would you stop that!
Sorry to disturb you.
- Miss Sissi Petrovna?
- Yes?
Mr. Biagini sent us to get you.
That's very kind of him,
but I've changed my plans
and unfortunately can't accept
Mr. Biagini's charming invitation.
Maurice is an old friend.
He'll understand.
No, he won't understand.
He won't understand.
If she doesn't feel like it,
she doesn't have to go.
I suppose, sir,
you're Colonel Victor?
That's correct.
You've also been invited, Colonel.
I'm not interested.
You have no choice, Colonel.
Please understand,
it's a pressing invitation.
I see. But please,
don't do anything rash.
If you come along,
we'll simply accompany you.
Why don't we go into your bungalow?
- We don't want to make a scene.
- I understand.
Would you kindly follow me?
Naturally, we'll accompany you
wherever you like,
but for pity's sake...
It's my pleasure.
Please don't get me wrong.
I'll keep this within easy reach.
I forgot.
You'll need the attach case.
The attach case?
You mean my bag.
Don't toy with me.
The attach case!
What attach case?
Be reasonable, Colonel.
Don't touch her!
I'll give you the attach case!
Here, fair lady. Apply pressure,
and it'll merely be a bad memory.
Thank you.
Ah, there it is!
Let's go.
We've idled long enough.
Terribly sorry,
the cool night air
doesn't agree with me.
May I?
- The car's right in front.
- How considerate.
I was about to say so.
Our friends have finally arrived.
Everything went well?
No difficulties?
- Not really.
- I'm delighted!
Miss Petrovna...
that name suits you.
And Colonel... Victor, isn't it?
I'm Mr. K., your host,
because this house
belongs to me, in a way.
Please, take a seat.
Pardon me,
but your invitation came to us
in a rather cavalier manner.
Yes, no doubt...
Do you have the attach case?
Put it on the table. We'll take
care of it in a few minutes.
Sit down, I said!
I adore Tosca.
Especially this recording.
Do you know it?
Mirella Freni, Placido Domingo...
and Sinopoli conducting.
It's intensely dramatic,
which suits my taste.
Don't you agree?
We'll have to see.
You're a clever man.
I appreciate that.
Miss Petrovna. I suppose
you're impatient
to see your friend Maurice.
Yes, I am.
You're clever too.
I'm a lucky man.
Your friend Maurice
is in the bathroom.
If you'd like to go and say hello,
I'm sure he'd be happy to see you.
I'll take your word for it.
would you take
Miss Petrovna to Maurice?
I can take her if you want...
No. Gilbert!
Would you like me to come?
Colonel, please
it would be in poor taste.
No, Colonel. Thank you.
She's charming.
He's in here.
Don't move.
Sit down my child.
Have a drink to lift your spirits.
They drink rum here like you drink
French cognac in Cognac.
We had to take serious measures.
It grieves me to say it,
but times are hard.
You don't look sorry at all.
You're feeling better.
Our friend Sissi
has come back down to earth.
We were forced
to eliminate poor Maurice.
They killed him, Victor.
They plunged a spike into his eye
and pierced his brain.
Why did you do that?
It was hardly a pleasure,
as you can well imagine.
But he was so dishonest
and exceptionally stupid.
The fool tried to rip us off
for five million Swiss francs.
He worked twelve years for us.
He made good money.
We're not cheap.
What got into him?
He really blew a fuse.
Now the jerk won't have to worry
about any more short circuits,
that asshole.
Yvon! Put the end of Tosca
on again. Please.
You mean the attach case
I had in my closet contained
five million Swiss francs?
You didn't know?
Do you think I would've lounged
on a deck chair waiting for you?
I won't delude myself
about the depth of human stupidity.
I swear I'm not that stupid.
Then why switch the attach cases?
It was a joke.
I thought it was funny
to pretend to switch cases
and that he'd end up
giving me his.
I knew there was money
in the attach case
because he told Sissi.
I mean, we knew
he was making a transfer of funds
but not five million Swiss francs!
Does that seem
a large sum of money?
Enough to take off with the money
and not hang around.
You're not ashamed of yourself,
You know I'm no colonel.
My highest rank
was a chief corporal.
I'm a small time con artist.
Sissi and I lead a quiet life
on the fringe of society.
We're humble
and well aware of our limits.
We've never tried
to step out of our league.
You're scared shitless.
Put yourself in my place.
I wouldn't like to do that.
Perhaps you're wrong
to be so afraid.
We're not cruel
for the pleasure of it.
Maurice's case is very unusual.
His behavior was inexcusable
and so stupid.
To think we trusted him enough
not to keep an eye on him.
And choosing the lions den
as a hideout.
Naturally the lion was waiting,
ready to strike.
Do you follow, Victor?
You, perfectly.
It's him I don't understand.
A fool, my dear friend, a fool.
He thought nobody was here.
The little brains he had,
he used to plan the trip.
I'm sorry to tell you this, Sissi,
but he was using you
to protect himself.
He thought
if you transported the money,
as soon as there were
any sign of trouble,
he'd drop you like a hot potato
and save his own miserable hide.
In the end he was a bastard,
as well as a fool.
Yes, it's quite sad.
You should've seen his face
when he found out
you switched cases on him.
He repeatedly tried the combinations
to no avail.
He was sweating bullets.
It was pitiful.
You don't have much pity.
No, it's true.
But put yourself in my place.
We had to blow off the locks.
All that for some old newspapers.
A year's wont of the Figaro.
Excellent newspaper,
but I prefer the Swiss money.
That's why I was forced
to take radical measures with him.
Our Board of Directors would never
have tolerated
any sort of indulgence.
Your Board of Directors gives you
free reign with your methods.
That's not their problem,
it's mine.
And I took
no pleasure in it.
I had to make him talk.
And he talked
without much coaxing.
The spike in the eye
worked like a charm.
He told us everything.
About Sissi, about you.
He told us about his life,
the life of his parents,
his sister, his little nephews.
And we couldn't...
shut him up.
The words flowed
as freely as his gray matter.
Poor boy.
Enough of this sad story.
Let's get back to us.
I brought you here
so you could help us
open the attach case
which you were so kind to return.
I understood as much.
Blowing off the locks
is not a solution.
Half the newspapers were burned.
You'll see,
it's not a reliable method.
Yvon. Bring us
Maurice's attach case. Please.
Look at this massacre.
Imagine if this were money.
Now give us the combination.
I don't know it. How could I?
- Search your memory!
- It's not a question of memory!
Don't give me that
or I'll hang you by your nuts.
Does it hurt?
Be logical!
I couldn't possibly know
those numbers!
You could break my every bone
and it wouldn't change a thing!
You know that!
Maybe I got carried away.
Excuse me.
That's enough, kitten.
Sit down.
This is a delicate situation.
I absolutely
have to set things right.
Otherwise my administrators
will be very angry with me.
Surely you can help me, Sissi.
I don't see how.
Yes, Sissi. Try and see.
You know the combination.
I'm afraid not.
Yes, Sissi, you do.
And I'm sure
you don't want to be crippled,
disfigured or to lose an ear.
You don't want to suffer
over a few little numbers.
You're not really thinking
of robbing us?
If you know the numbers, tell them.
They're ruthless.
Betty... Sissi...
Listen to him!
He knows what he's saying!
Maurice didn't tell me anything.
Look at me.
I'm sure you know those numbers.
Tell him. Please.
we won't get out of here alive.
That's a distinct possibility.
Because you think
we'll get out of this alive?
We're not blood thirsty, my dear.
For us,
death is the last resort too.
Betty, why fill your head
with useless numbers?
4- 6- 4- 4
8- 8- 6- 1.
You're both brilliant.
It's truly a pleasure
working with you.
What were those numbers?
4- 6- 4- 4
8- 8- 6- 1.
Open this for me.
Things are back
in their rightful place.
Once again, all is in order.
That's just lovely.
Except for my broken finger.
It's not so bad.
Don't expect a reward.
I'm letting you live.
That's pretty nice of me.
I'm sorry, Victor.
It's my fault
you got dragged into this.
It's not your fault.
We're out of our league.
It's like Pandora's box.
- There isn't 5 million here.
- How much is there?
A little over 2800000.
Maybe he wasnt such a fool
after all.
Shut up or I'll pack your ass
with dynamite.
She's right, you know.
He screwed us all.
What did you do with the money?
You know we don't have a clue.
Only Maurice could have told us.
You screwed up, you asshole!
I'm sorry.
Get rid of those two.
I want them out of my sight.
Get rid of...
get rid of?
No more stupid moves!
Dump them
on the beach
and let them fend for themselves.
Can I go too?
I don't want you
going out at night.
It's not late!
It's dark. I don't like you
going out at night.
Forget it.
You don't like being separated,
from what I gather.
You're lucky I'm a decent guy.
Take them away.
We'll dump them by the banana trees.
That'll give them a long walk.
- You enjoy walking, I hope?
- Just drop us anywhere.
- We wouldn't want to put you out.
- Shut up, you!
Here is fine.
We're going to leave you.
Follow the shore,
you're 5 kilometers from your hotel.
Perfect. I love evening strolls.
Stop! Are you crazy!
I don't like his sense of humor.
And I think Mr. K.
was too indulgent with him.
Good night.
Don't say anything.
What thugs.
Those pigs!
We're alive. That's the main thing.
It's unbelievable.
Can you walk?
It hurts when I move.
It hurts... I just want to sleep.
Me too.
Poor child,
I hope this was a lesson.
You already told me. Shut up.
Let's sleep.
My darling, You know prudence
has always been my watchword.
These people are dangerous.
It's safer if we separate.
We'll be harder to find if they
decide to come after us again.
That's why I thought it best
to take the first plane
off the island.
I don't want to be directive,
but I think it would be best if you
didn't try to find me right away.
I'm not angry at you
for our misadventure.
On the contrary, I'd say
you behaved admirably
and I was proud of you.
That bastard
really hurt me.
I'm too old to take a beating.
My finger is badly broken.
Go back to Paris.
I know you have enough money
to tide you over for a while.
But I've left you enough
for a ticket in first class.
I hope they serve caviar.
Don't try to get your suitcase.
It's too dangerous.
In any case,
I'm not worried about you.
You're a big girl and I'm confident
in your ability
at getting out of the worst mess.
I'm leaving my Swiss army knife
so you can get the handcuffs off.
It's easy.
I'd have done it,
but I didn't want to wake you...
You bastard!
Wait until I catch up with you!
A century later...
Who's there?
It's the mailman.
The door's open.
It's really him.
Well, my dear,
you took your time.
You think twice
with a bastard like you.
I did it for both of us.
You know that.
You covered your tracks
like a politician on the run.
What's this new act?
What act?
The pathetic victim in a wheelchair.
I never recovered
from the beating on the beach.
I had three ribs broken.
I was brutalized.
My finger's completely useless.
I really feel sorry for you.
I'm not asking for your pity.
You won't get it.
Why are you so hard?
Because it's not funny anymore.
But as soon as it was possible
and we had nothing to fear
I let you know where I was.
Because you were bored to death.
But it's too late, daddy.
That dirty trick you pulled...
it's beyond words.
I wanted to protect you, my lamb.
Can't you understand?
So you could run off with the money.
- What money?
- You see!
It's the first time
you've taken me for an imbecile.
You opened the attach case
and took half the money, as usual.
No one would believe
they've only been half ripped off.
How I love you.
You're really extraordinary.
That jerk, Maurice,
used his credit card numbers
for the combination.
When I pick numbers for
a combination, no one knows them.
He used the numbers
printed on his card. What a fool.
- Do you have any cigarettes?
- On the stove!
You know where I put the money?
It was in my bag all the time.
I even offered to bring it
when those two thugs came after us.
I think
the solitude's getting to you.
- Why do you say that?
- Your state of exaltation.
I'm happy to see you.
You're crazy to think
I'd buy the wheelchair act.
You couldn't put cigarettes up there
in your condition.
Fine. Let's talk seriously
about the money.
I put your share aside.
I wasnt planning to cheat you.
You have to admit
we've had some good laughs.
We work well together.
By the way,
how much money is there?
I took a million and a half.
Half is yours
- 750000 Swiss francs.
You can multiply that
by at least four.
Still trying to con me.
I'm sure you took more.
At least two million.
But that doesn't change a thing.
You can send it to me when you want.
That's not why I'm here.
By the way,
why the name Victor Ramuz?
It's a prestigious name
in Switzerland.
This is why I came.
It was very useful.
But I had qualms about depriving you
of such a precious object.
Bye, daddy!
Where's your sense of fun!
I want to go
where the air is warm and clear
Where the dove flies high and free
Where the spring bursts to life
like a wild beast
And grabs you
when you least expect it
Pulling you from the garden path
upon which you tread
And reminds you
things can't go on this way
Change it all, change it all
When your world's not wont a damn
Change it all, change it all...